#same username as here but with an underscore

[thecentrium]

Elliott from Earth is a good show btw

[joyful-soul-collector]

I started making this video when the sun was in the middle of the sky, so I had good lighting

Finished editing this video when the sun had been down for a goooooood WHILE

obligatory photo of the spread under the cut

[n-chu4ever]

very unfortunate that I finally understand how everyone feels re: desperately wanting more dnp gayming already… at a quarter past one in the morning, not even a day after the upload

welp! looks like I’m writing either crackfic or ‘actual’ fics for the rest of the week!

[kerosene-saint]

never gonna change my main url, however you can enjoy about 70% of my other urls I have horded as side blogs in my ever growing collection

[airconditioningbob]

Discord really went from 32 unicode characters + 9999 discriminators (32,000 printable unicode so 32,000^32x9999 = actually incalculable on a lot of calculators, essentially infinite) to presumably 32 english alphabet characters, periods and underscores

And at the same time alienated anyone and everyone who doesn't speak a language using a latin alphabet (most languages) - and languages that don't use the english character set (basically all of them) - made stalking easier, removed individuality, and destroyed their actually revolutionary username behavior

...to look like twitter.

EDIT: as pointed out, it would be 32,000^32 (32 characters, 32,000 variations) rather than 32,000 characters with 32 variations. that number is still incalculable by a lot of calculators, but it's a significant difference! here's the actual count (as it's thousands of zeroes less)

146,135,548,716,716,982,791,186,446,423,301,139,135,396,694,972,170,240,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

[emotionthread]

kensasplatterscope > emotionthread

[sophie-frm-mars]

I'm not sure how much people are talking about Aaron Bushnell having engaged with online leftist media, but the records show that they were a viewer of a bunch of different twitch streams, including mine, and subscribed to a bunch of patreons, including mine. I'm not going to inflate my importance here, the livestream link was sent directly to Talia Jane and Anark, so those are probably the voices Bushnell felt the most connected to and followed the most directly, like idk if they also subscribed to someone's patreon after watching a video abt Cars 2 or whatever, I'm not trying to examine whether social media drove the self immolation because I think that's disrespectful to the memory of someone who literally died screaming Free Palestine. I don't personally know of any leftist creators who directly advocate political suicide, and I know that we all share in the political understanding that underscored Bushnell's decision.

I've already made a point of telling my patreon server that my politics are about growing into each other and supporting one another and that if anyone asked me if I thought they should do what Bushnell did I would say no absolutely not.

I'm ruminating a bit on the nature and meaning of the protest, because a lot of people are engaging with the image of a man in fatigues on fire, standing proud and declaring "FREE PALESTINE", while I've seen others talking about the fact Bushnell's username on several platforms was LillyAnarKitty, mourning the loss of a potential trans sister, talking in depressive terms about the act of suicide, to which I think the people who are engaging in the more macho interpretation of the protest are saying "no it was cool and masculine, it wasn't suicide in the conventional sense it was about principle!" I think there's room for plenty of both. For the record LillyAnarKitty used he and she pronouns in discord servers.

Andreas Malm's approach to self-sacrifice and self-endangerment is that we as subjects of the imperial core are in a sense, precious. Valuable. We are supposedly what it is all for. The imperialist project must be doing it for the citizens of the imperialist nations because if it isn't, then it has to nakedly admit that it is doing it all for the intense power and wealth consolidation of a tiny tiny number of soulless ghouls. Therefore when we put ourselves in harm's way in a way that says you would have to destroy me to get to the thing I care about, we leverage the implicit value of ourselves for our principles. A planned protest by Palestine Action against the London Stock Exchange was allegedly going to involve locking the actionists' necks onto the mechanism of the door into the LSE making it impossible to enter or leave without probably killing them, for example. I think that Bushnell's self immolation sits on a sort of dissonance, my life is precious and my life is worthless. My life is precious and so you should care about the obvious tragedy that I am enacting and my life is worthless if thousands upon thousands of Palestinians are killed as part of the project that enables the life that I lead.

There is also the way that people have debated the meaning of "complicit in genocide" - Bushnell worked in USAF Intelligence and the US has active troops in Palestine, it's possible that they were already culpable in an unknowable number of deaths without having set foot there.

In one sense it's a little pointless to debate the fine details of the meaning of Bushnell's protest in the same way that it's pointless to pick over any feelings of responsibility that I and I know other people that we know they watched are feeling. When I first saw the video I was struck by the language, by their concise and astute analysis and I knew, without knowing just how closely that they were plugged into the same intellectual and political milieu as us. In that same sense I think that they already described what they did the best that any of us are going to be able to:

“My name is Aaron Bushnell. I am an active-duty member of the United States Air Force, and I will no longer be complicit in genocide.”

“I’m about to engage in an extreme act of protest. But compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”

"Free Palestine."

[letomills]

TS2 CC downloaders & creators discussion recap

Under the cut is a recap of the feedback gathered from the comments, community replies and reblogs on this thread. Thank you for taking the time to give your input! I tried to organize everything clearly in categories, with what was most often brought up at the top of each. I hope I didn’t forget anything. If I did, or you feel I didn't do your point justice, or you didn’t get a chance to say your piece, feel free to comment (I can always make edits). The text in brackets [] is my own remarks that I'm adding to the report.

About CC in general:

The people clamored for clear swatches/pictures that show which file corresponds to which recolor, so we can pick and choose what to keep.

Many people would like creators to put their usernames in their file names (or object descriptions) so they are easier to trace back to later. Two creators had counterpoints to this. One who has a long username said: “as a creator, I don't like to be told how I should name my files (besides identifying the thing clearly, which I think we really should do). If I've made the effort to make a thing, take previews, upload it, write the post etc. Just spend 5 seconds of your life renaming the file to whatever is convinient to you, I'm not going to add 16 characters to each of my files to include my username (I still think that longer names = longer loading time).” The other creator said: “As a creator, I don't want to put my full username in tooltips (just SB) because some hair names are quite long and I do not have the time to re tooltip the names.”

On the topic of file names, many people agreed that creators should not put special characters and spaces in their file names, to optimize loading times. One creator clarified: “the filenames should always have _ instead of spaces, as apparently this allows the game to load them easier/faster [...] underscores should be the only kind of special character in them” [use the Bulk Rename Utility - see tutorial by @ilovethesims2cc].

Still on file names, a Mac user said they dislike when file names are too long because apparently long file names are enough for Macs to shit themselves [sorry if I misunderstood, never had a Mac].

Several people mentioned disliking poorly optimized CC (one person listed: “bulky for no reason, unused bump maps, comically large or duplicated textures, things that could easily be repo'd but are not”), one person pointed out: “There is no reason a TS2 object needs a texture bigger than 1024x1024 unless it’s a special case like a skybox.”

One person said they dislike when a CC post lacks basic text info about what the download is. On this note, another person said they dislike when a creator isn’t clearly stating what mesh their recolors are for.

Two people asked that creators state their stuff’s polycounts.

Two people said they dislike when the recolors for a piece of CC are only available merged together, as they want to be able to easily choose which they want to keep. On the other hand, someone who “takes all recolors anyway” said they would like creators to offer a merged version of their recolors [you can merge CC to reduce loading times using LazyDuchess’s CC Merger].

One person recommended avoiding just using “here��� as hyperlink text, but instead describing what you are linking to, so that if the link gets broken we still have a chance to find the thing. In the same vein, they and another person advised against reliance on an image alone to give info about the download. As we know, images can disappear, and a Google search won’t lead to the item if your post has no text that Google can detect.

About the images that creators do show, one person mentioned a download not having a proper preview as their pet peeve. On previews, two people recommended that the piece of CC be clearly visible and the main focus. Two people said they like when a preview of the item is included in the archive (“helpful when looking through old CC”).

One person said they appreciate when creators give two download links to two different hosting platforms, in case one of them ever breaks.

One person asked for creators to always test their stuff before uploading [it should go without saying but we do see egregious things to this day]. Their pet peeve is “CC with obvious issues that can’t have been tested properly in game! Don’t just look at it in build mode or bodyshop, actually use the item in live mode. Have a Sim wear the clothing or use the object!” They pointed out as an example that some CC lights don’t light up. Someone else said: “if there are minor imperfections, that's ok! But let your downloaders know what to expect.”

One person said that they enjoy reading detailed descriptions of CC: “Share your inspos, what went wrong, tag the pieces you used if you are Frankenmeshing because I might want those items too! Creating and sharing is deeply personal, don't be afraid to share a part of who you are in your downloads if you feel comfortable doing so.” [If I may offer a slight counterpoint, I think detailed technical info + proper crediting should always be frontloaded. And then, in a separate paragraph, you can write about how you made this because your grandma used to wear something similar on those cool autumn days back when you were 6. But please, don’t expect your audience to have to parse through your life story to get the basic info they need to even understand what the download is.]

On subfolders: one person mentioned that they dislike when individual files are placed in subfolders; someone else said they don’t like many subfolders within an archive; a third person said that when downloading a ‘bulk’ CC pack, they dislike when each item has its individual subfolder (unless the object has dozens of recolors).

One person said they dislike downloads that include a large number of things that aren’t all part of a single coherent set.

One person said they dislike gift/mega packages that don’t give the possibility to pick and choose what you’re downloading.

One person asked that creators compressorize their CC, unless there is a good reason for not doing so, reason that should be stated [yes please! Use jfade’s Compressorizer, found on this page].

One person said they like when creators who make recolors give a link to the mesh they are recoloring whenever possible, even if the mesh is included.

One person mentioned appreciating when creators include base PSDs in their downloads [they were talking about hair specifically but I suppose it can be done for other things too].

About Bodyshop CC specifically:

Many people mentioned disliking when a piece of clothing lacks a fat morph (as one person put it: ✨“its literally bigotry”✨ [iconic]), or has a fat morph that's blatantly a quickly WSO’d afterthought. Someone said: “Absurdly shaped/clipping fat morphs that were most probably never tested in game before uploading are pretty annoying”; someone else said: “I make male content and am constantly flabbergasted by some of the UM Top fat morphs that make no attempt to align with Bottom items, or look completely ridiculous. [...] WSOs are a great starting point, but that's just it: a starting point" [I couldn’t agree more]. One person added that clothes should also have preg morphs.

One person really wants tooltips. Someone else further asked that creators give actually helpful tooltips to their recolors to make it easier to identify which recolor corresponds to which file [you can use CatOfEvilGenius’s Tooltip utility to give your recolors tooltips that correspond to their file names].

One person mentioned gaps in meshes being their #1 pet peeve [putting this in this section because I’m assuming they’re referring to Bodyshop CC].

One person asks that creators give their accessories unique BIN numbers to make them layerable with other accessories.

The same person would like creators to remember to delete the inapplicable ages in their accessories [this also goes for hairs].

The same person also appreciates when creators make custom thumbnails for their accessories, “especially for accessories that are not on the face”.

The same person said: “Accessories that are 'part of the sim' (like ears, tails, etc.) should be showerproof”. Another person had the same request: “Body part accessories (such as animal ears, tails, horns, wings) should be available for all types of clothing.”

One person appreciates when hair meshers specify if their hair is animated or not.

One person would like to see more hairs for toddlers and children.

For geneticized skintones, one person said they find it helpful when the genetic number is indicated in the file name.

About Build & Buy CC specifically: 

Several people said they dislike when CC objects are set to an absurd price (like a couch for 1 simoleon) [this can be fixed with Pick’N’Mix’s Object Relocator], and two people added that they dislike when an object’s price isn’t congruent with their stats (like when an expensive bed has a low energy score). A creator further said: “whats worse is sometimes items are cloned from a very expensive item, and then the creator has reduced the stats shown in the description, but the bhav still has very high ratings, or sometimes it can be the other way around, an item might have been cloned from a cheap one, then their displayed stats are set to 10 but the bhavs still have low ratings”.

Three people said that they really appreciate when creators state which category their object is in and what the price is. One person said they appreciate when creators give info about how their object functions (“Is it just deco? Does it have hobby enthusiasm?” etc.). For complex objects, they like when there’s a video to show how it works. 

One person said they dislike when creators place objects in categories that don’t make sense. Someone said more specifically that they like when objects are put in categories other than deco/sculptures or deco/misc.

One person said they dislike blank object descriptions or object descriptions that were left the same as that of the Maxis object that the piece of CC was cloned from.

One person said they don’t like when objects aren’t enabled for quarter-tile placement [can be fixed in simPe or with the Object Relocator].

One person said they dislike non-functional objects (like a sofa that’s a sculpture).

One person brought up two experiences they and their friend had with CC beds that didn’t have unique GUIDs and therefore would override other beds. In the same vein, someone else said they dislike when a creator forgets to mention that their CC is not custom but default and will override something in the game.

One person encourages creators to learn about the TXMT settings of objects (e.g. should an object be reflective?) and praised @pforestsims and @shastakiss for their CC in that regard. Another person said they dislike when an object is too shiny, which is also a TXMT setting.

One person said they dislike “transparent cut out textures”. [I quote because I’m clueless about this:] “I’ve seen this a lot on TS3 or other game conversions, where the texture has been imported without enabling transparency, and you get ugly squares around draw handles and such. Import the texture as DXT 5 and enable AlphaTest in the TXMT.”

One person said they like when 4t2 conversions have several subsets.

The Mac user among us would like creators to resize their walls and floors for Macs, otherwise they show up grey in game.

About lots specifically:

Two people said they like when creators show the floor plans of their lots.

[murderbot-moodboard]

Slightly upgraded the first meme I made for this blog (back in November - it feels like much longer ago, lol)! My excuse for the upgrade is the fact that I've started an Instagram offshoot account. I think it's basically just going to be the ultralite version of this blog, as in, I mostly just post the same memes that I've already posted here. But if you're on Insta and want to add occasional Murderbot to your feed there, the account is @murderbot_moodboard (underscore instead of a hyphen bc of Insta's username limits). If not, no worries, I'll still be on here with all the regular unscheduled programming. :)

[roadkill-punk]

Gonna try to have an update on that councilor painting out today. I've probably spent just as much time drawing as I have researching christian art, stories, and symbolism and Ultrakill lore and Greek myth/history especially the role it plays in Dante's divine comedy but also in general that's just my new hyperfixation lol. This game has turned me into a huge fucking religion nerd I need to be put down. I'm reading a book for the first time in like years and it's the fucking Iliad I think I'm diseased Ultrakill has done something to my brain chemistry .

Anyways. Update either tonight or tomorrow on that piece. Would you believe it's still in the sketch phase? I would. My wrist hurt. Here's some sneak peeks of where I'm at.

I did end up switching Sithiel w the messenger guy for the sake of crowding them all into that space. I swear updates will come much more smoothly and frequently one I'm done sketching and planning this thing is just kind of a monster to put together, it's gonna need a whole separate post for me to explain the unreasonable mount of symbolism and detail going into it.

Idk that's how life is be I supposee. I gotta do the dishes and then I'll be working on this, or maybe writing. Do people here know I have an AO3? I post there too. Same username js with an underscore instead of a dash.

[incogneat-oh]

What is your Ao3 nama

Incogneat_oh! (Same username as here but with an underscore instead of a dash)

[mindless-hypnotoy]

suddenly remembered that i made an nsfw alt on discord and never used it. you are all welcome to send me friend requests and messages on there, the username is the same as on here but with an underscore instead of a dash

yeah you could just dm me here but there are some things that i'd feel more comfortable sending on a website without a porn ban (and i dunno about anyone else but i personally just have an easier time talking there than i do in tumblr dms)

[dying-marshmallo]

Hi, just curious. Do you have an ao3 account? If so, whats the name?

☆ It should be the same as my username here! Except the dash would be an underscore :3

[wooper-sandwhich]

Looking Back, Looking Forward | Alien Stage | Ch. 2

Ch. 2 of my fic Looking Forward, Looking Back on AO3! If you'd like to support me on AO3, you can find my fic on there too! My username is " wooper_sandwhich "-- basically the same thing on here but with an underscore instead of a hyphen :] ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ “Let me go!” Mizi cries, jerking away her arm from the meaty grasp of an orange alien. “I said stop it already, you’re not taking them!”

The alien grumbled incoherently as they lurched backward, amber eyes staring patient, yet poisonous daggers at Mizi as she looks back at their blurry form with determination in her eyes. A few other aliens gather around them exchanging worried words, bringing hands and cool appendages alike up to maws as they gasp.

Her hair is a mess, several pink-trailing-blue strands cast about her shoulders everywhere, having been yanked out from her ponytail when the aliens had initially reached for her head. Mizi knew this day would come, when they would try and take the very last thing that made her human, that grounded her to this mortal plane as Mizi the person, and not simply another contestant number on a board.

She reaches a trembling hand up to tuck a few hairs behind her ear, looking at the group of aliens staring out at her as if she was some kind of wild animal gone rogue.

And at this point, she might as well have been one. Because why else would the kind and optimistic Mizi be acting so wild and unruly? She’d always been a pleasant child in Anakt Garden, had always been cordial, polite, and on her best behavior at all times.

“Mizi...” One of the aliens starts, a spiky blue, feminine figure with brown, down-turned eyes. “What’s going on with you? Just let us take your glasses-- you don’t need them anyway, isn’t that right, darling? We’ve noticed how you squint and stare behind them. They’re unnecessary.”

Unnecessary. That’s all anything human about them was. Just things for the aliens to pick up and shape differently until unnecessary flaws became gorgeous quirks. Artificially produced things stolen from themselves and made anew into parts of them that would be better for marketing, better for their image, better for standing out in the competitions.

Mizi’s chest heaves as she resolutely shakes her head, continuing to back away from the group of aliens, her vision still blurry as ever behind them. She blinks rapidly, trying to focus on the world around her, to root herself into reality so she could better stand her ground, but everything remained a hazy blur of colors and shapes.

And it’s fitting, she thought bitterly.

How fitting that one of her last moments of defiance over something that made her human would be spent in this distorted reality.

As she stumbles backward, her hand brushes against the cool metal of a nearby pillar, and Mizi leans against it for support. The polished surface reflected a warped image of herself gleaned from an instant glance, and for a moment, Mizi hardly recognized the person staring back at her.

Gone was the shy, bespectacled girl with messy pink hair who had first entered Anakt Garden. In her place stood a statuesque figure with perfectly coiffed locks that shimmered like starlight. Her eyes, once a warm golden yellow, seemed to look back upon her with a sharp look that was so unlike the person she was, the kind girl she had been.

--In that look, she remembers the day they had changed her hair, dyeing vibrant pink strands to a cool faded blue, locks that had since only managed to turn back to their normal hue after ages of growing it back out. “To make you stand out,” they had said, as if her very essence wasn't enough. The process had been painful, the chemicals burning her scalp, but she had endured it with a smile, just as she had been taught.

Then came the modifications to her voice. Hours spent in sterile rooms, her throat raw from the injections and procedures designed to expand her vocal range. They had promised her she would be able to hit notes no human has ever reached. They had promised her it would all be worth it to change, edit and alter everything about her. “For marketability” , they’d said. And Mizi had cried that night, mourning the loss of a voice that would no longer ever be her own.

--Yet in that gaze was also a fierce desperation, a yearning desire to hold onto those human flaws the aliens sought to stamp out.

The orange alien makes another attempt at coming closer to her, lifting a scaly hand, and Mizi bristles with a forceful shake of her head, perfect teeth grit tightly between one another. But it seemed they were no longer willing to put up with her game of protest. 

With a look to a few aliens behind them, the orange one nods, and before Mizi knew it, there was a great mass of swarming guards that entered the room, touching and grabbing at her as she screamed and flailed, a tentacle slowly looming over her face as it plucks off black metal frames with a sickeningly delicate force.

They strip her of her glasses the same way they stripped her of everything that had made Mizi herself. The last bastion that’d been standing tall of pure, childhood innocence-- gone. Just like that.

Continuing to thrash and scream incoherently, uncaring of the punishment that would surely come later for such egregious misbehavior, Mizi only slumps to the ground when the familiar metal collar around her neck suddenly sends volts of electricity arcing through her body and rendering her limp, the spinning, hazy world around her looking sharp for the first time in years as she stares out at the crowd of aliens looking down upon her.  ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Artificial sunlight filters through the lush canopy of genetically-engineered trees, casting dappled shadows across the verdant grass beneath. A gentle breeze, perfectly calibrated for optimal comfort, rustles the leaves and carries the sweet scent of alien flora throughout the garden. The sky stretching overhead is a brilliant azure, dotted with fluffy white clouds that drift lazily across its expanse, their movements so precise they seem almost choreographed as it mimicks Earth’s atmosphere of old.

And beneath it all, Mizi sits on the lush grass of the garden, verdant blades cool as they tickle against her skin. Her vision, although still not perfect-- yet now unencumbered by a flawed prescription-- takes in the vibrant colors of the garden with startling clarity. The iridescent petals of flowers that seem to shift hues with each passing moment, the glimmering scales of fish darting through crystal-clear streams, the prismatic wings of insectoid creatures that flit from blossom to blossom...

But even amidst the beauty, there was nothing of comfort to take from it. It was all hollow prettiness, manufactured just as she was now by the aliens.

Tears stream down Mizi’s face as she sits curled up in on herself, knees pressed to her cheeks as she buries her head against her legs. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair .

She had willingly let them change nearly everything about her up until now, physically, emotionally, mentally-- nothing had been spared in the wake of perfection for the stage. But her glasses, that last gift from Shine--

(“something concrete that would never change no matter how beautiful (wrong) she became” )

--was the one thing Mizi had strove so hard to hold onto. And now it was gone. Likely to be sent away to the incinerator and turned into ash that would be swept away on the industrial winds of the city, consumed just like the rest of every godforsaken piece of humanity that was crushed beneath the aliens.

As Mizi wept, the garden around her continuing to breathe its stilted mockery of life, she hardly noticed the presence of another girl beginning to approach her, only looking up with a harsh breath when she called her name.

“Mizi?” Sua’s voice cuts through the artificial ambiance of the garden.

Mizi’s head slowly turns to look at her, tear-stained face a canvas of raw, unfettered emotion against the backdrop of meticulously crafted beauty around them. And for a moment, she’s struck by how sharply she can see Sua now, every detail of her friend’s face in crystal clarity. The violet of Sua’s eyes seemed more vivid than ever, twin nebulae swirling with concern and something deeper, something unspoken.

Sua moves closer, her white gown a rigid difference against the riot of blooming colors in the garden. And with a gentle sweep, the girl sits down beside her.

“I heard what happened,” Sua says softly, her voice carrying a hint of something Mizi couldn't quite place. Sympathy? Pity? Or perhaps a touch of envy for the small act of rebellion?

Mizi sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “They took them, Sua. My glasses. The last thing I had that was... that was really me. The last thing that made me... Still human.”

Sua's hand found Mizi's, intertwining their fingers in a gesture that felt both familiar and foreign. How long had it been since they'd allowed themselves this simple comfort? It felt as though the recent days of their lives had begun driving a wedge between them, Mizi feeling as though she saw Sua less and less between their vocal lessons and mandatory enrichment hours.

“Human?” Sua echoes. “What do you mean?”

Sniffling, Mizi rubs at her nose with her free hand, yellow eyes cast to the ground. She’s not quite sure how to articulate the maelstrom of thoughts swirling through her mind, but she had to do her best. For Sua.

Mizi takes a shaky breath, trying to find the words. “Everything they've done to us, Sua. The changes, the 'improvements'... They're stripping away what makes us human, piece by piece. My glasses were the last thing I had that wasn't perfect, that wasn't alien. That wasn’t...made for the stage. They were... they were mine.”

Sua's grip on Mizi's hand tightened slightly, violet eyes searching Mizi's face as the other girl seemed to think for a moment, calculating in that way she always did when practicing what to best say. Yet another thing that had been ingrained into her by the aliens over the years.

But when she does open her mouth to speak, it’s hardly anything Mizi would have expected.

“What does it mean to be human, Mizi?”

Brow knit in confusion, she blearily blinks at Sua. “Huh?”

Sua smiles gently, and she’s beautiful as ever, her features sculpted to alien perfection. But behind those violet, galaxy eyes, Mizi can only see the girl she had come to know all this time at Akakt Garden, the one who would look up at the night sky together with her when the ceilings opened up.

“What does it mean to be human? You said they’re stripping it all away, but what is it , when you think about it, Mizi?” She prompts.

What did it mean to be human?

Flaws. Imperfection. Restriction. Everything that was not alien was human, and that which was human was seen as filth. All that was not alien was kept under lock and leash as pets, workhorses, and entertainment for the extraterrestrial masses. To be be human was--

“Suffering.” Mizi blurts aloud, unable to conceal the train of thought chugging through her mind.

Sua looks at her, eyebrows raised, seemingly just as surprised by her own answer as Mizi had been by her question-- until after a beat, there’s mirth crinkling at the edge of her eyes, and Sua squeezes her hand.

“Then are we not the most human of all right now?”

Mizi swallows dryly, and despite all the negativity coursing through her heart, it flutters at the sight of her friend’s wordless laughter. And Mizi begins to laugh.

“Aha! Hahaha! No-- I, I-I guess you’re right!” She says with an almost hysterical jubilance.

Sua joins her, and Mizi’s laughter mingles with Sua’s echoing throughout the artificial garden in a way that feels more real than anything else in the world, like a melody that neither of them had been taught to sing. For a moment, they’re not just contestants, or projects, or pets-- they’re just two girls, finding a sliver of joy in the midst of their shared pain.

As their laughter subsides, Mizi wipes away the remnants of her tears, her chest feeling lighter than it has in months. “Sua,” she says softly, “I've missed this. I've missed you.”

Sua's smile falters for a moment, a flicker of something-- regret? longing?-- passing through her eyes. “I've missed you too, Mizi. More than you know.”

They sit in companionable silence for what Mizi could only pray to be forever, until at last, yet another prying question begs at her mind, one that she hopes her far more bold and pragmatic friend might have a better answer for.

“...What do you think it means to, to be yourself, Sua?” She asks. “And... What happens when you lose that?”

Sua's violet eyes softened as she considered Mizi's question. Her gaze drifted to the artificial sky above, where holographic birds traced predetermined flight paths through the air.

“Being yourself...” Sua mused, blinking up at that perfect sky. “...I think it's more than just the parts that make us up. Our bodies, our voices, even our memories-- they can all change. But there's something deeper, isn't there? Something they can't touch.”

She turned back to Mizi, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of pink hair behind her ear. The gesture was achingly familiar, so human, an echo of countless moments shared between them over the years, that it makes Mizi’s heart ache.

“I think,” Sua adds slowly, her gaze drifting to the artificial flowers around them, “Being yourself is about more than just the physical things we cling to. It's about the choices we make, the thoughts we have, the feelings we can't suppress no matter how hard they try to program them out of us.”

She turns back to Mizi, a wry smile playing at her lips. “As for losing yourself... I don't think that's possible, not really. They can change our bodies, our voices, even parts of our minds. But there's something in here--” Sua says, pointing at her head, “That is forever unique and wholly you. A thing that will never change, no matter what.”

A warmth blossoms in Mizi’s chest at Sua’s words, yet simultaneously, there’s a lump forming in her throat. “But what if they find a way to take that thing too, Sua? And what if they change us so much we can’t remember what it was, or who we were?”

Sua's grip on Mizi's hand tightened. “Then we remind each other of it. Simple as that. Because I see it in you, Mizi,” Sua says softly. “Not the perfect idol they're trying to create, but you. The girl who cries at sad songs, who sneaks extra desserts to the younger trainees at dinner time. Who always smiles at everyone despite how hard I know it aches for you.”

Mizi’s breath catches in her throat, and that warmth greater spreads throughout her chest, melting away some of the icy dread that had taken root there. She hadn’t realized just how much she needed to hear those words, to be seen as herself despite all the change forced upon her.

“Sua, I...” Mizi began, her voice trembling. “I didn't know you saw all that.”

Sua's smile was gentle, almost sad. “Of course I did. How could I not? You're my Mizi.”

The words hung between them, heavy with unspoken emotion. Mizi felt her heart racing, a mixture of fear and something else, something sweet and hopeful, blossoming in her chest.

“And you're my Sua,” Mizi whispered back, squeezing Sua's hand. “Even when they change everything else about us, even when we can't recognize ourselves in the mirror anymore and...”

She looks at the other girl, and it’s with yet another aching pang that she takes notice of the way her shimmering black hair was just ever-so-slightly longer. A change of her own that Sua was being forced to endure for the perfection the aliens sought to mold her into.

“Your hair...” She murmurs, reaching up to ghost a ginger hand through silky locks.

There's a small awkward pause as Sua is silent, not wanting to acknowledge her hair growing out against her will. The shimmering black strands catch the artificial sunlight, almost seemingly casting prismatic reflections across Mizi's face. For a moment, the garden around them seems to hold its breath, the genetically-engineered flowers pausing in their perpetual bloom, the holographic birds in the sky freezing mid-flight.

Sua's eyes flicker with a mix of emotions-- embarrassment, frustration, and a hint of defiance. Her hand unconsciously moves to touch the ends of her hair, now falling just past her shoulders in a sleek curtain. The silence stretches between them, filled with unsaid words and shared understanding.

Mizi watches as Sua's fingers twirl a strand of hair, the movement almost hypnotic. She notices how the longer length softens Sua's features, framing her chin a way she’s sure the aliens had sought after purposely. And she observes the way Sua's jaw clenches, a tiny muscle twitching beneath glassy skin. It's a tell, a small imperfection that the aliens haven't yet stamped out.

“I see you too, you know.” Mizi says, looking away. “The real you! The... The girl who pretends to be tough but has such a gentle heart inside. Who practices her routines until her feet bleed, not because they make her, but because you want to be the best you can be.”

“And I’ll always love that real you, no matter how they change everything else around it.”

Sua's cheeks flush a delicate pink, and she ducks her head, a rare display of bashfulness. “...We're quite the pair, aren't we?” She whispers back.

Her voice softens, taking on a dreamy quality that Mizi had rarely heard before. “Let's stay here a little longer,” she suggests, her eyes roaming over the lush surroundings. “Just... us two humans, existing together, for a moment.”

Mizi nods, feeling a sense of peace wash over her. They settle into a comfortable silence, their hands still intertwined, as the artificial world breathes around them.

“Let's stay,” Mizi agrees, leaning her head against Sua's shoulder.

And they sit in blanketed silence, the artificial world around them continuing its carefully orchestrated dance of life as two girls sink into one another’s presence. 

[End, Ch. 2.]

[rowanthesorcerer]

oml i just want to thank you for your contributions to the ll fandom 🙏 i miss my lil fellas sooo so much and finding a CURRENT blog dedicated to the ll fandom is amazing!! so thanks 🫶

You’re so welcome! My love for Ll will never die, and thus i post content for whoever else is insane enough to still be here 💖💖💖

i have more content on my instagram (same username as i use here, just with underscores between the words), this is sorta just where i put random thoughts or show my Ll things.

Ll means so much to me and i will cling to its decaying corpse until i myself am a decaying corpse 😌

[winged-mammal]

given *vague gesture* everything, here's where I can be found elsewhere

bluesky

mastodon

pillowfort

dreamwidth

discord: winged_mammal

twitter (only a technicality in that the account still exists)

AO3 (doesn't really count but I guess you can always leave a comment on something to get in touch if all else fails)

I don't have a cohost yet but if I end up getting one it'll be the same username as everywhere else, with an underscore if allowed or with a dash if not