#or it’s present in the fic archive if you scroll far enough
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very unfortunate that I finally understand how everyone feels re: desperately wanting more dnp gayming already… at a quarter past one in the morning, not even a day after the upload
welp! looks like I’m writing either crackfic or ‘actual’ fics for the rest of the week!
#this is N-Chu#dan and phil#if you’re interested in my chaotic crossover fic btw it’s on my ao3… which is not linked here LMAO#same username but with capitals and an underscore instead of a dash#or it’s present in the fic archive if you scroll far enough#might drop the smutfic I wrote to follow it /jjjjjj
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Adajima fic (romance companion to "Lost in the arms of destiny") - part 2
The day after is awkward, starting with Ryotaro almost attacking his husband, because he had changed into his god form to sleep, which was far more intimidating, and unknown to the human. Ryotaro also doesn't know how to act (and process everything that has happened), and magatsu-Izanagi feels smug as a cat when he watches the human's skin, all the bruises and marks he has etched on his wife to claim him. In the morning, Magatsu-Izanagi presents to Ryotaro the two kitsune that will be his guides and maids while he's adapting, and will help him with more mundane tasks as well.
After he was given leave to clean himself and dressed in more understated silks (though still far too luxurious for his taste) meant for married women, Magatsu-Izanagi guided him through the castle, pointing out places of interest, the logistics of what he would be responsible for. Most of it was similar enough to what he had done on Inaba for him to not feel too overwhelmed, though that changed when magatsu-Izanagi showed him his personal study, and where the god stored all the petitions he received for the punishment of mortals and humans especially.
"I don't think you need a wife to deal with this, you need a whole harem, and enough time without new complaints to be able to make a dent into your archives," Ryotaro said, observing how more scrolls simply popped into existence, multiplying easily, and how the room seemed to grow to accommodate it.
"I told you I disliked humanity, do you now understand why? Every minor or major God sends their grudges to me, wanting humans to suffer for their transgressions. The only way I would have been able to clear this would be if I was able to bend reality and time, but those are not within my purview. Even if I worked every day and night here and at the start I did, I would never be able to dispatch everything." his husband's voice was low, a thread of irritation becoming apparent in his posture.
Ryotaro asked if anything there could be thrown away, considering some humans would have surely died, and it didn't make sense to keep requests he couldn't really fulfill, and learned most of servants had given up trying to classify the scrolls, because they couldn't keep it tidied, and no matter how they much they tried, there was always more.
Ryotaro had the idea to ask for a moratorium from Izanagi — if Magatsu-Izanagi was free to not work during the first period of their marriage, it made sense to ask the other God for a break from the scrolls too, so they could try and make a difference.
"Well, it's better than nothing. I will ask my brother later today. Will you coordinate efforts? It is only right for you to do so, wife, considering the idea is yours" his husband (and how strange that is) says, and Ryotaro has to agree.
The project goes slowly, and Ryotaro in the mean time learns more about the types of Yokai his husband has as subjects, their habits, names and positions in their lands, and how to act as the 'lady' of their country.
Sometimes, at night, his heart constricts at the idea he left Nanako alone — even if he knows the villagers would do their best to care for her in his stead, it should have been his duty, and his pleasure, and how much time he lost with her, because of his grief...
And he can't change anything.
His 'husband' is less than enthusiastic about letting him go anywhere outside their lands, and Ryotaro can understand some of it —they are barely married, it would reflect badly on him if they parted so soon, but he is human, not a Godly being, and the days passing mean something to him, knowing he has left so much behind.
The only thing he can't really complain is his husband's talents at bed play, nor his attentions — it had been a long time since he was touched so much, or had received pleasure constantly, learned so much about his body and what it could do — more than once, he thought it was the God's way of occupying his time, when he wasn't ordering about an army of servants in his husband's workroom or trying to learn the intricacies of behavior in a Godly court.
It takes the equivalent of three months, and an almost literal army of workers to clear the room of every outdated and worthless scroll.
In the meantime, he has survived four assassination attempts, saw his husband destroy one of the assassins, body, mind and soul while in his God form, and had to become used to it, because Magatsu-Izanagi refused to sleep in his human form after the second attempt.
It would be easier, if he didn't know exactly how powerful magatsu-Izanagi was, nor felt the malice directed at the spirit tasked with the assassination. He hadn't been able to sleep during the night, because of the God curled around him, clawed fingers he had seen cut through matter and energy as if paper around his waist, the echoing tortured scream of pain ringing in his ears still.
The only consolation he had was that if Magatsu-Izanagi wanted him dead, he would already be.
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Devil's advocate anon again: I understand your stance. I do. Especially if you're young or new to fandom. I'm personally only marginally older than Kimi. But I've also been in fandom for a long time and something that's important to understand is not everything people create is going to fit the model of this perfect ideal world where everyone is of age and not related and everything is consensual. At the end of the day, as much as it is illegal and wrong, stuff like underage sex and sexual assault *does* happen in real life and exploring those types of tropes and dynamics in fiction isn't something that inherently makes the author a bad person.
Ultimately, Kimi is 18 now, and legally an adult. And even if he wasn't, this is the purpose of dead dove fics: writing about morally reprehensible tropes while not necessarily supporting them yourself. Applying a black and white moral code to art is strange to me when much of the world is far more nuanced than that. Just my two cents.
Of course, you're just as free to criticise these authors as the authors are free to write these things, but to be honest, these fics aren't hurting anyone. They are robustly tagged with exactly what you're getting into, and archive-locked so no one unintentionally stumbles across them. Publicly bashing these authors isn't doing anyone any favours. Is it that hard to keep scrolling?
I totally get your stance too! I'm not new to fandoms, and I've been through enough to know that some stuff people write is fucked up--- and I'm okay with that. I normally just scroll past and live on with my life, but I think this is a whole different topic. The thing about AO3 is that you can't block tags, and I've been a loud advocator for it. Their archive-locked, but I have an account. Their tagging it, but I'm not scrolling through the F1 tag expecting to see Kimi/Toto content and I'm not tagging out the dead dove tag everytime I'm on that tag.
I personally can appreciate these types of fics, and sometimes I find books like these more provocative than normal ones. Take Lolita for example, even if it's not a fanfic. I'm assuming you've read it, but if you haven't, the basic premise is around a middle aged man falling in love with a 12 year old Lolita. And you know what? I actually enjoy that book. I can appreciate it for what it is and it's involves very similar types of questions/thoughts as what I assume some of these dead dove fics do. I can deal with that type of thing. What I don't like about the toto/Kimi thing is that their real living people. I feel like it's especially grimy since Kimi was just a child a few weeks ago.
Sure me "publicly bashing" these authors isn't gonna do anything, but if they put out their work into the real world, they should expect criticism just like any other thing would. If it can persuade just one person to be just the slightest bit embarrassed to release something like that because they've seen others being called out for that same behavior, then id make that post 1000 times again.
I stated before that I wasn't gonna get into the whole "Rpf ≠ fiction" but I'll give you a bit of what I think.
RPF for years, has been heavily criticized. It's a very taboo thing to write about in my opinion as at the end of the day, that person you're writing about is a living, breathing, person. RPF is mostly for sports and singers (hockey, F1, Harry styles, ect), while "fiction" on Ao3 is mostly book/movie characters (Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, ect). Their both writing with real people, but one is actually about a person while the other is a character.
Also, I get that underage sex is a thing. It's present in pop culture, in music, in life. Look at euphoria and Riverdale. I'm fine with people writing it, but it gets weird when you're writing sexual content involving a person who's actually just became legal. I think what set me off was seeing a flood of that type of content just days after Kimi turned a legal adult. That to me, was authors being smart enough not to post sexual content about a minor but still desperate to write about it--- kinda like when people get into relationships with a freshly turned 18 year old.
At the end of the day though, this is just opinion and I'm not expecting people to stop writing content like this, and my opinion will forever stay the same about this sort of thing. I wanna thank you though for being so kind in your response and actually explaining your thoughts on the whole situation (+ just having a basic sense of decorum) as it definitely made me a bit less abrasive towards the entire situation.
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patience and the mulberry
"With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown."
Fandom: Good Omens Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) Characters: Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens) Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Fluff and Angst, Character(s) of Color, Sericulture, silkworms, past religious trauma, but nothing bad happens in this fic I promise, mixed bookverse w/ TV elements, references to Chinese culture Notes: Originally written for the @goodomensfashionzine !
“I'll only be a minute, dear.” Aziraphale kissed Crowley's cheek as he opened the door of the Bentley. “You don't have to see me to the door if you don't want to.”
Crowley tightened his grip on the wheel. “Sure, angel. Sounds good to me.” The sibilants slid far too quickly past his clenched jaw, and he bit his tongue to stop the instinctive hiss from escaping.
Aziraphale gave him a sympathetic look, but shut the Bentley's door behind him and soon disappeared through the doors of the church. Once he was out of sight, Crowley slumped forward slightly, sliding his sunglasses up and rubbing at his eyes. A few deep breaths later, and he felt composed enough to exit the Bentley himself in blatant disregard for the “NO PARKING” sign on the curb.¹
[¹ Given his new job position (or lack thereof), lawbreaking was no longer a necessity, but old habits die hard.]
The bright afternoon sun made him wince a bit, and two robins in a nearby bush were getting frisky in a way he would never be able to unhear, but they made it easier to forget the distant wail of air sirens. Even standing out on the road, Crowley's skin prickled faintly with the remembered sting of consecrated ground.
He pushed the feeling aside and walked resolutely forward. Aziraphale was bound to take his sweet time as he mooned over the church's dusty old tomes, but Crowley had his own investigations to conduct while he waited. No rest for the wicked and all that.
The concrete pavement under his snakeskin shoes gave way to grass, and the tingling sensation in his soles faded. Soon he found himself at his intended destination—an Edenic grove of mulberry trees, clustered together in a ring in the church's backyard. He'd spotted them on the drive over and couldn't resist the temptation of a closer look.
Crowley wandered into the garden with a scrutinizing eye. They were young, for trees, but growing well despite their callowness. A particularly stocky sapling hardly flinched when Crowley gave it a token glare, much to his disappointment. Then again, outdoor plants were rarely as well-behaved as properly cowed houseplants. It seemed this attitude persisted even in ecclesiastic gardens such as these.
He cast a surreptitious glance over his shoulder, then reached a hand up into the tree's umbrella-like branches and tugged. The season wasn't quite right for fruits, but he still withdrew clutching a handful of dark ripe mulberries. Hardly apples, but his lips twitched upwards nonetheless. He plucked a berry from the pile and raised it to his lips.
“Zaoshang hao!”
Only a hasty miracle saved Crowley from choking as he jumped and swiveled around. Hovering right outside the churchyard was a middle-aged human, well-dressed and smiling pleasantly at him. Judging by her formal clothing and the Bible she carried, she was a part of the congregation, maybe even the priest herself. Crowley swallowed and stepped backwards.
“Ni shi jiaohui de xinshou ma?” the human called again, picking her way across the dewy grass in his direction. Crowley eyed the Bible she held, willing himself not to break out into hives.
“Um. Wo bu—er, no. I'm not new. Not here for church at all, actually.” He fidgeted and clasped his hands, still full of pilfered mulberries, behind his back. “Just waiting for someone.”
The human raised an eyebrow. “You're welcome to wait inside, if you like,” she said, also switching to English. “I reckon we still have biscuits left from the children's morning service—”
“No!” Crowley said too quickly, and perhaps too sharply. He winced. “I mean. That won't be necessary. I'd much rather stay out here, if it isn't too much trouble.”
The human gave him a Look. Crowley's cheeks heated and he averted his eyes, willing his sunglasses a few shades darker.
“Beautiful, aren't they?”
Crowley's head shot back up. The human had turned her back to him and was running a hand through the glossy green leaves of the nearest mulberry tree. Crowley could practically see the branches stretch out in delight beneath her touch, like a purring cat.
“Volunteers from our congregation take care of them,” the human continued, smiling at the young tree. “The kids here like raising silkworms, you see, and we welcome them to pick leaves from the trees each week to feed them.”
Silkworms. Of course. Despite himself, a hazy memory rose to the forefront of his mind: Sichuan, China, several hundreds of years ago. A family farm, weathered and cozy and oozing enough sheer goodness to make the average demon ill with it. Crowley wouldn't normally be caught dead in such a place, but he had owed a favour to the angel. His fingers twitched at the phantom memory of butter-soft silk fibres against his skin; long, winding threads that stretched out thin and fine, tangling so easily around his uncertain fingers. With this memory came the golden, moon-round face of a child he hadn't thought about in centuries, grinning toothily as they held out a box to him, a box filled with small pale larvae that wriggled among the spade-shaped leaves. “Zhe jiao can.”
Crowley forced himself to return to the present. The human was speaking to him.
“—waiting on Mr. Fell?” she asked.
Crowley blinked. Shook himself a little. “Yeah. He's helping out with the restoration of some old manuscript or other.”
The human smiled again. It was an unnervingly piercing expression. “I'm aware. I was the one who requested his help. Such a lovely man. Are you a friend of his?”
Crowley tensed. “His husband, actually.”
He braced himself, but the human only brightened. “Goodness, then you must be Mr. Crowley! Mr. Fell talks ever so much about you. Finally gone and tied the knot then, have you?”
Before Crowley could stammer out a reply, something dinged loudly, making him jump. The human pulled a phone out from her pocket and squinted at the screen.
“Sorry, I have to run back inside. But it was lovely meeting you, Mr. Crowley.” She stuck out a hand—thankfully not the one that had been holding the Bible—and after a brief hesitation, Crowley shook it. As quickly as she had arrived, the human disappeared from the garden, leaving Crowley alone and off-kilter amid a grove of mulberry trees.
---
Aziraphale emerged from the church around an hour later to find Crowley seated on the curb next to the Bentley, basking in the last rays of the afternoon sun as he scrolled through his phone.
“My dear,” the angel sighed. His joints creaked as he eased himself down to sit next to Crowley on the roadside. “Don't tell me you've been sitting here the entire time.”
“Nope,” Crowley said, popping the ‘p’. “I toured the gardens for a bit. Swiped some fruits, too. The mulberries aren’t half-bad, for a bunch of church plants, but they’ll need a good deal more threatening before they're really up to snuff.”
Crowley stopped when he saw Aziraphale chewing his lip, brow furrowed as he studied Crowley's face. Now it was Crowley's turn to sigh.
“Really, angel. It's fine. I was hardly bored.”
The expression didn't leave Aziraphale's face. A soft brown hand reached out and brushed aside stray wisps of hair from Crowley's forehead. The demon hadn't bothered to cut it since the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, and it was growing longer and more unruly by the day.
“I'm fine.” Crowley caught Aziraphale's hand and held it, carefully. He pressed his lips against the well-manicured fingers. “It was years ago, angel, and we both came out of it all right. You don't need to worry about me.”
Aziraphale still looked vaguely distressed as Crowley drew him close. With the sun setting behind him, framing his face and curly dark hair in a golden halo, he was the most beautiful thing Crowley had ever seen.
He kissed him then, right there on the road, in full sight of the church and probably Someone Else, too, if She happened to be watching at that particular moment. Once, he would've been terrified of such a public display, but he hadn't gone through hellfire and holy water to care anymore about what others thought of them.
As he helped Aziraphale into the Bentley, he noticed abruptly that the angel was carrying what appeared to be a shoebox, of all things, along with his usual camelhair coat.
“What on Earth is that?”
“Oh!” Aziraphale carefully pushed the box over to Crowley. “Mrs. Lao gave it to me once I'd finished with those manuscripts. She said it was a gift for you, actually. Have the two of you met before?”
Crowley stared down at the box, baffled. “We talked for a bit in the gardens just now, but I can’t imagine why…”
He trailed off, and his mouth dropped open as Aziraphale eased open the lid and beheld the contents with a raised eyebrow.
“Good heavens. Are those caterpillars?”
“Silkworms,” Crowley corrected automatically, leaning in for a closer look. There were so many of them, somehow both smaller and larger than he remembered, all white and wiggly and chomping away busily at the layers of mulberry leaves filling their box. None of them paid any attention whatsoever to their occult observers hovering above them.
“Why would she give you such a thing? Not that they aren't dear little creatures,” Aziraphale added hastily, glancing into the box, “but I doubt I have the means to keep them in the bookshop.”
“No need,” Crowley said before he could stop himself. “I can raise 'em in my flat.”
Aziraphale gave him a curious look. “You know how to care for these… insects?”
“Yeah.” Crowley gently shut the lid of the inhabited shoebox and curled a hand around the Bentley's stick-shift. “I've done something like this, before. I know what I'm doing.”
“If you say so.” Suddenly Aziraphale chuckled. At Crowley's affronted look, he demurred, “I'm not making fun, my dear. It's only that you still manage to surprise me, even after all these years.”
Aziraphale leaned in and pecked Crowley's cheek, making him blush red and sputter. Much to his disgruntlement, the Bentley chirped a light-hearted rendition of Haydn's Crazy Little Thing Called Love all the way home.
---
Crowley had spent the past eleven years co-parenting the Antichrist with Aziraphale.² They had faced this challenge head-on, and in his opinion, it hadn’t gone too shabbily. Now, without the threat of the Apocalypse hanging over his head, becoming a surrogate parent was far less daunting the second time around.
[² Even if young Warlock hadn't really been the son of Satan, it was the principle of the thing.]
Still, Crowley worried. He had always been something of a worrier, and that hadn't changed even after the First Day of the Rest of Their Lives.
After dropping off Aziraphale at the bookshop, Crowley returned to his flat, where he commenced the preparations for introducing his unexpected twenty-odd guests to their new home. This was accomplished by miracling up a small glass aquarium onto his desk, lining the bottom with paper towels, and carefully (read: nervously) placing the silkworms one by one into the tank. Once this was done, Crowley scattered the half-eaten mulberry leaves from the box around the aquarium. The silkworms set upon their interrupted lunch with all the enthusiasm of Aziraphale devouring a meringue pie at the Ritz.
Crowley slumped into his chair, took off his sunglasses with a wince, and rested his chin on his desk, staring into the glass tank.
“I raised your ancestors once, you know,” Crowley informed the wriggling creatures. “Tiny farm in China several centuries back. We'd weave branches together into a tray and let you loose inside. Bit like how manmade beehives work, or something.”
Crowley paused. Watched one silkworm slowly inch its way across a stem to tackle a new section of leaf. “‘Course, humans use wire mesh nowadays, but the general premise is the same. Always thought it was bloody clever, what humans could come up with. If you gave me a bunch of moth larvae and told me to make a living out of them, I definitely wouldn't think to make clothes.” He snorted. “Whoever came up with that, I'd like a glass of whatever they were drinking.”
The silkworms munched on. They ate much faster than they crawled, that was certain. In the quiet walls of his flat, away from prying human eyes, Crowley loosened the knot of his silk tie and tugged it off, easing the tightness around his neck.
“You're the ones who made this, in a sense,” he said, waving the tie at them. He laid the tie beside one glass wall of the tank at just the right angle for the inhabitants within to see. Several silkworms looked up curiously.
Crowley tossed his suit jacket aside, then unbuttoned his shirt collar. He had always prided himself on his sharp, modern attire over the years, the better to tempt humans with—or so he claimed. Despite repeated scoldings from his superiors, his Lust quotas had never been quite up to par.
Sufficiently dishevelled, and feeling all the freer for it, Crowley sank back into his chair to watch the silkworms.
“The only thing I didn't like about the process was the boiling,” he murmured. “Logically, I can see why it was done. And you would all be in cocoons, so it's not like you'd be in any pain. Not like I was.” He exhaled, the sound becoming a low hiss. “But still. Never liked it. Always felt like an awful lot of trouble just for the sake of some silk threads.”
One particularly adventurous silkworm had nosed its way upwards and was now creeping over the edge of the tank opening. Crowley made a mental note to devise a lid of some kind and stuck his finger against the lip of the tank. The silkworm crawled onto his hand without any hesitation. Tentatively, he drew it closer. Its many feet stuck stubbornly to his skin, and it reared up as he approached, swaying slightly, its mandibles twitching.
Crowley stared at the silkworm. The silkworm stared back, and seemed disappointed when Crowley had nothing else to offer. Just to prove it wrong, Crowley materialized a single large mulberry leaf in his other hand and presented it to the insect, who fell upon it with gluttonous enthusiasm.
Staring at the miracled leaf, an idea formed in Crowley's mind. He smiled, slowly.
“I need a hobby, now that I'm jobless,” he said aloud to the silkworm, letting it creep onto his palm. He ran a careful finger over its smooth back. “I think I'll take up sericulture again, for old time's sake.” He reached back into the tank and gently encouraged the silkworm to crawl back inside.
“Humans have to boil you alive to get those nice unbroken threads off your cocoons,” Crowley mused, withdrawing his hand. “Fortunately, I don't have to do things the human way.” He lowered himself until he was eye-level with the inhabitants of the tank. The silkworm he had carried paused in its perpetual eating and turned its head, almost like it was looking at him.
“How's this?” Crowley asked. “You'll be able to grow into a fuzzy, fully grown silk-moth, and I can take your cocoon after you've finished with it and miracle the threads whole again.” He paused and mulled it over. “I guess I could take it a step further and just miracle the finished silk together, but there's still something to be said about the human way of doing things.”
The silkworm bobbed the front half of its body as though in agreement. Crowley smiled again.
“We can make silk, and no one gets hurt. I'm a few hundred years out of practice, but I'm sure I could make it work, somehow.”
The silkworm turned its attention back to its meal. Crowley didn't notice. He was too busy wondering if Aziraphale had any old texts on silk-weaving that he could borrow, just so he could refresh his memory.
The angel would appreciate having a new silk bowtie to add to his collection.
---
Thank you for reading! Replies and reblogs are always much appreciated. <3
#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#go fanfiction#good omens fanfiction#go tv#otp: ineffable#li writes#zine fic#insects tw
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton Characters: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Additional Tags: Eventual Romance, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Non-Human Humanoid Society, (said society is The Worst), Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Mild Language, Discrimination, Flirting, Polyamory, Asexual Character, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Picnics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Play Fighting, Fallen Angels, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Teasing, Blood and Injury, Violence, Grief/Mourning, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Aftermath of Violence, Kissing, Threats of Violence, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, mentions of (heavily) implied transphobia, extra warnings in the end notes, please read them if you're uncertain or uncomfortable, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst Summary:
“You are a demon,” he realised.
Patton tilted his head, and it reminded Virgil of a wild animal.
“Yes,” he agreed, “and you are an angel without a halo, in a world looking to destroy your wings.”
19k fic below the cut, too :)
please mind the trigger warnins in the tags here on tumblr, and in the end note on ao3.
note: the italics don’t carry through copy and paste, so if i have missed some on this tumblr post i apologise. in that regard, the story may be more accurate on ao3.
Janus and Virgil had been fighting.
Unfortunately, these current days, this was not an uncommon occurrence. It was not a physical battle, as that was forbidden within the city, and most other parts of the Angelic Kingdom, but any angel in the general radius of the pairs’ shouting matches knew to subtly evacuate as quickly and quietly as they could. Neither brother was pleasant to be around when agitated, and it seemed recently that they only frustrated each other.
After all, no other angel was going to pick a fight with the lead Angel of Diligence.
Remus yawned, leaning back to admire the drawing he had completed. He almost wished he could add some details, like a ruffle to the wings of the angel, or a scar or two along their skin. The sketch for the to-be mural just seemed so… bland. (At least he did not have to write, like Virgil did. The kid had a real knack for story-telling, but some of the things he was required to write for the ‘good of the reputation of the Angelic Kingdom’ was so boring and so much wasted potential that Remus had considered using the scrolls as snacks, if angels ate snacks — which they did not.)
He supposed that was what he signed up for, when becoming an artist. No single hair out of place. No negative interpretations. No misrepresentation of the angels in any way.
It was not too much of a loss. Nobody knew about his secret stash of personal sketches, decidedly not positive interpretations, in his room.
Remus, an Angel of Liberality, was one of the very few individuals who had the… Remus would think balls, Remus would say ‘bravery’ to be around Janus and Virgil during one of their fights.
Not much scared him. (Anymore, at least. He had faced the worst of his nightmares and come out simply fine. Not that he would voluntarily tell anyone this, though.)
Even when the walls shuddered with Janus’ bellow of, “ENOUGH!”
Remus strained his ears but did not hear Virgil reply. He put his scroll and quill down and ventured into the common area. Both Janus and Virgil’s faces were flushed red, their shoulders heaving.
After a moment, Janus visibly composed himself. He set his shoulders and folded his hands behind his back. He lifted his chin and did not meet Virgil’s eyes when he said, “You are dismissed.”
“Dismissed?” seethed Virgil. “This is my home—”
“It is ours, if not mine,” spat Janus, and Virgil recoiled, not looking any less angry. “You will not disrespect me.”
Virgil opened his mouth.
“I am older than you,” said Janus, because angels did not growl, even though Remus was quite sure that was almost a snarl. “You will follow my orders. You may leave.”
Virgil stared at him, his fingers twitching. Remus wondered if he was itching for a scroll. That usually happened to him when he wanted to sketch something down. Then he whirled around, his face twisted hatefully. He froze when he spotted Remus in the hallway, watching with rapt interest, but then squeezed passed him to the open archway of the house and shot into the sunlight.
Remus looked over at Janus. “What was that?”
Janus looked exhausted as he rubbed his eyes. ���A mild disagreement about robes.”
Remus tilted his head. “These?” he asked, lifting a handful of the white robe he was wearing. Janus sighed.
“Yes.”
Remus waited for him to elaborate, but he did not. Remus shrugged. “They are a little gaudy.” Janus shot him a warning glare, but Remus was not fazed. He never was. “He will come around. He always does.”
“I do not know,” Janus said softly, because angels did not mutter. He sat at the table and heaved a quiet breath, leaning against the back of the chair, because angels did not slouch, even if they were emotionally drained. “It seems we will fight about anything, these days.”
Remus shrugged again. He did that a lot. He did not have an answer for the Angel of Diligence, so he moved to sit across from him. He did not know how to help; dinner was not for a few hours yet, and angels did not eat out of time.
“Sorry, Remus,” Janus said quietly, which was surprising, because angels did not apologise unless it was only very extremely necessary. Janus’ eyes were far away. “I doubt either of us mean to make you upset.”
“I am not upset,” Remus said, because angels did not lie. “I find it funny how you forget that the entire city can probably hear your little spats.” Janus did not even send a disapproving look in his direction, though Remus did not use the most... approximate angelic language. “You brought me in here. The least I can do is tolerate your dynamic.”
“This is not our dynamic,” Janus disagreed. “At least... it should not be our dynamic.”
Remus thought about that. “I am not the cause of your fighting, am I?”
“Certainly not,” Janus said vehemently. “Virgil is... tolerant of you, but not fond. He is not, however, jealous, nor unhappy with your presence.”
“Then why are you fighting so much?” Remus asked. He was aware his questions could start to become exhausting, but Janus did not seem to be getting tired of him.
“I do not know,” said Janus, and his voice was... strangely unstable. Like the verbal version of a wooden board wobbling. “I do not know, Remus.”
The two sat like that until it became time for dinner to be made, faces neutral and eyes blank.
Angels did not cry, no matter how much they might want to.
Virgil was not returning to the house.
He did not care what Janus thought, or what Janus wanted, or whatever the hell the Ancient Laws instructed angels to do. He was fairly sure angels were not supposed to yell, and yet his throat was strangely raw.
Angels also were not supposed to curse, but Virgil had already decided: fuck his brother, and those pretentious assholes who wanted to keep him stuck to a strict, pointless schedule for the rest of his life.
Virgil could not care less about speeches and presentation and perfection — he was not perfect. No one up there was, and the sooner they realised that the sooner he would find it in himself to return and maybe apologise.
But in the meantime, he was not going to sit around and be scolded for wearing ‘the wrong kind’ of clothes around his own house.
Maybe he was not supposed to be an angel. Maybe somehow, somewhere, the universe had fucked up and given him feathers and a bracelet instead of a tail and a pair of horns.
Branches whipped at his face, and he stumbled. He had gotten to the In Between faster than he thought he would. Maybe he had been flying faster than he realised.
He looked around at the strange, warped world, and swallowed the lump in his throat. Nothing lived here. Nothing could live here. A long time ago, the angels had chosen what gorgeous, superior beings they wanted to gift access into their kingdom, and the demons had been left with all the other unwanted creatures. The world In Between the two kingdoms was desolate, and empty, and still just as dangerous as a demonic fire ring with prancing hyenas.
Because any being, holy or not, sentient or not, spending too much time between worlds, without the source of either kingdoms’ power, would waste away until they were nothing but the still air.
Virgil wondered if that was what he wanted. If he wanted to cease to exist. If the kingdom was better off without him. It certainly did not seem like he was making much of a difference.
He did not growl, because angels did not growl (but was he even an angel anymore—?), but he made some sort of noise as he ripped his halo from its position as a bracelet on his wrist.
It dissolved when he threw it to the ground, but he did not feel any different. He wondered if he was supposed to, or if he really was as defective as he thought he was, no matter what Janus had ever tried to argue otherwise.
He sunk to the ground and found that he did not actually care if he was snuffed from existence.
“Oh, goodness!”
Virgil’s eyes snapped open.
“What in Lucifer’s name are you doing here—?”
Something touched his shoulder, and Virgil’s veins were shot through with panic.
Virgil reared back, shooting to his feet, and flaring his wings.
“No, no, hey, I’m sorry!” the voice yelped, and from where he was struggling to stay aloft in the air, Virgil stared at the speaker. They were small, at least smaller than Virgil, and he was considered short by angel standards. They held themselves oddly, like they were ready to bolt at any second, despite looking very intrigued with Virgil. Their sandy hair was either so curly that it covered the sides of their head completely, or they had no ears, which was too odd of an option, really. At least, it would have been if... Their... well, their legs were normal enough, apart from the strange elongation of their foot, and the fact that they had no toes, and only the hoof of a deer, or maybe pig.
“Calm down, kiddo,” they were saying, holding their petite hands up. “Just breathe. I’m sorry for startling you.”
Virgil scowled but dropped to the ground, finding it too hard to remain suspended in air. He eyed the newcomer dubiously.
“My name’s Patton,” they said, and Virgil felt his lip curling into what would have been a grimace — if angels grimaced, which they did not.
“What do you want?” he demanded.
The stranger looked surprised. “I just saw you curled on the ground. I was worried.”
Virgil stared at him, bewildered. Patton, it seemed, was undeterred, and smiled brightly.
“What’s your name, kiddo?”
“Virgil.” The correct answer was, I am Virgil, as angels were instructed to respond, but... Virgil was not feeling like much of an angel at this moment.
Patton practically swooned. “That’s such a nice name!”
Virgil stared at him, baffled. What sort of answer was that? He did not have a nice name. He just had... a name. Like everyone else. It was neither nice nor not nice. Some names held more power than others, but his name was bland. Bland and boring and useless.
“You are very weird,” he decided.
Patton thought about that. “Um... Thanks!”
Virgil was getting more and more confused. “That was not a compliment.”
Patton frowned, and for a moment he almost thought that Patton may have been a big brother, because it was almost identical to the little pinch that Janus got between his eyebrows. “Virgil, buddy, that’s rude.”
It was then that Virgil noticed that the lack of normal looking ears was because of the pair of pale, flopping ears on either side of Patton’s head through his curls, and Virgil blanched.
“You are a demon,” he realised.
Patton tilted his head, and it reminded Virgil of a wild animal.
“Yes,” he agreed, “and you are an angel without a halo, in a world looking to destroy your wings.”
For a moment, Virgil was confused, but then he glanced back and saw a handful of white feathers fluttering to the ground. The In Between was taking its toll on him faster than he thought it would.
He shuddered, and more feathers floated down.
“Come with me,” Patton said, and Virgil’s head snapped around to glare at him. The demon smiled carefully. “It’s alright. My home isn’t far, it’s on the edges of the kingdom. You’ll be safe there.”
“I am an angel,” Virgil pointed out. He shifted uncomfortably. “I do not belong with demons.”
“What are your other options?” Patton asked. If Janus had said it, it would have been rhetorical; sarcastic, scathing. A tactic to make Virgil consider how stupid he was being. When Patton spoke, it sounded like a real question, like he genuinely wanted to know what else Virgil could do.
Virgil looked away and did not answer.
“Come with me,” Patton said again, beseechingly. “I promise, it’ll be alright.”
Virgil’s gaze darted around the landscape, then down to his shedded feathers. “Very well,” he muttered, because he did not feel like following angelic rules.
Patton beamed, turning. “Great! Follow me.”
Virgil followed him through the strange rock and twisting not-quite trees. The uneven ground bit at Virgil’s bare feet, who was used to gentle, cloudy floors. The world around them got darker, but Virgil was not sure how. It all became muddled, cloudy, but more like a night thunderstorm than tufts on a sunshine-lit day.
When Virgil squinted, he realised it was because the grey sky had morphed into a cloudy night sky. The underside of the clouds had a red hue, like reflecting a sunset, but Virgil could not see the light of a sun anywhere. There was a strange haze around the area, like the smoke of a fire. It was nothing blinding, but enough that Virgil had to squint to see anything in the far distance. Craggy mountain tops lunged for the dark, velvet sky, not anything more than dark silhouettes in the gloom. The ground was littered with natural rubbish, in the sense that it was far more cluttered than the In Between, where while the ground may have been uneven, it had no loose materials adding to its character. And of course, the Angelic Kingdom never had anything out of place on its perfect pathways. This place looked like it was constantly ravaged with tremors.
Virgil wanted to ask where they were, but he had a feeling that he already knew.
He followed Patton over the strewn ground, picking his way over the loose rocks and barbed shrubbery. There was a dark river cutting through the ground along the path they were walking, but Virgil did not want to look too closely. He could not tell if it was water or not, and whatever it was, was certainly not holy.
After too-long of Virgil trying desperately not to trip, a house of sorts cut through the odorless smog.
It looked ordinary, the closer they got. If Virgil was going to go for brutal honesty, he would call it closer to a hut than a house. Maybe a mound of somewhat sturdy dried mud and twigs pressed up against the base of a cliff. Or maybe those walls were just incredibly old, dirty bricks. He could not tell.
He wrinkled his nose. Was he going to be expected to say here?
An image flashed through his mind, of a haughty group of pompous angels frowning down at him from their palace in the white clouds, and Virgil decided he was happy with anything this strange little demon was going to offer.
“Is... this your home?” he asked, as politely as he could.
“It is!” Patton said.
Virgil looked between the demon and his home. “It is... nice.”
He obviously didn’t sound as convinced as he wanted to because Patton giggled, and said, “What? Did you think we all lived in gory, dark caves and castles?”
Virgil’s cheeks heated against his will. “I did not exactly... learn much about you.”
Patton’s gaze softened with sympathy. “Well,” he said, moved up to the blocked off entrance of the house in that odd, animalistic gait of his, “let’s try and change that, shall we?”
He opened the wall of the house and darted in. Virgil followed, having to duck slightly in the entranceway.
“I’m home!” Patton called out. Virgil looked around. It was... extremely cluttered, in the house. There was a hollow shelf, holding scrolls, like it was a very, exceedingly small library. There was a table with a thick, open tome with unintelligible scribbles across it, a small black stick resting beside it on the wood. A fireplace was positioned off to the side, with gathered crockery, looking as if they were washed with black water. Virgil thought about the river outside and wondered if that was not far from the truth.
“You’ve returned earlier than usual,” a new voice said, and a demon with dark, sharp lines staining the corner of his eyes materialised from the side wall. Wait, no, he had just done the same thing that Patton had done to get in... What were those strange, moving wall-parts? (And was he wearing eyeliner? Or was that natural?)
“Is everything— Oh.” The demon’s dark, gorgeous eyes found Virgil, and the angel suddenly felt very scrutinised. “Patton, this is an angel.”
“This is Virgil,” Patton corrected, and Virgil felt something in his chest react. “And he’s going to be staying for a long as he would like.”
The other demon blinked, and Patton turned to Virgil. “Virgil, this is Logan.”
The demon dipped his dark head, and Virgil wondered if all demons had strange skin colours like Patton’s dusty brown and Logan’s dark navy.
“Welcome,” Logan said, albeit a little stiffly. “I would say that I hope your stay hospital, but I have reasons to believe that this place is already... less than stellar compared to what you are used to.”
What Virgil was used to? Virgil was used to being judged. He was used to being yelled at. He was used to always being in the wrong, to being scolded for not being presentable enough, for being stared at and murmured about when he was thought to be out of earshot. He was used to not belonging — and while he had never felt more out of place than in this wrecked land of fire and brimstone and dark atmosphere, these demons were looking at him expectantly, like they cared about his opinion, like they cared about what he was going to say next.
His lips hedged on the beginnings of a smile.
“It is appreciated,” Virgil told Logan, and the unfairly pretty demon looked like he was preening. Something shifted behind him, and with a jolt, Virgil realised with a start that the long tailfeathers of a peacock were protruding from beneath his clothes.
Patton giggled and thumped Virgil’s hip with his own. The angel stumbled, and looked at Patton, perplexed. Was that some sort of greeting, in demonic language?
Patton did not notice his confusion, though, and looked around the house. “Where’s Roman?”
Virgil swallowed. How many demons lived here?
“Last I saw him, he was upstairs,” Logan said, moving to the table to peer down at the open book. “He was taking a break from writing.”
“Oh.” Patton’s odd ears dropped sympathetically. “Poor kiddo. He works so hard.”
“I doubt that anyone in the city will be even remotely interested in this novel, either,” Logan muttered, sounding mutinous. “No one cares for a grounded demon’s talent.”
“Grounded demon?” Virgil asked before he could stop him. The other two looked over at him.
“That’s what we are,” Patton said. “I’m sure you’ve always thought of demons with whipped tails and big bat wings, huh?” Virgil nodded. “Not all demons are like that. You angels have categories, right?”
Virgil stared at him blankly.
“The Seven Deadly Sins, and the Seven Heavenly Virtues,” Logan elaborated. “Humility, pride. Kindness, envy.”
“Oh.” Virgil’s wings shuffled with his shrug. “Yes. We called them Traits.”
“Well, some demons, like ones of pride and anger, tend to be more high ranking. They live in the centre of the kingdom, where most of the rich demons reside. They... uh...”
“Have superiority complexes,” a third voice said, and Virgil whirled around to see a demon descending the stairs that he had not previously realised were there. Where were those stairs on the outside of the house? Where was the second floor?
The third demon blinked sleepily at Virgil before yawning. “You’re new,” he said mildly.
“I am visiting,” Virgil said. The demon bobbed his head.
“You’re cute. You can stay.” He brushed past Virgil and headed over to the fireplace.
“Roman,” Patton said in a scolding voice. “No hitting on the guest.”
Roman shook himself, his wild hair flinging in all directions. From a distance, Virgil peered curiously at the little horns poking up through his wavy locks. Did all demons have animalistic features?
“As long as the guest doesn’t ask for it,” Roman said without looking back.
“I would not want to find endearment with a demon,” Virgil snapped. Roman glanced over his shoulder, and Virgil realised that his pupils were horizontal. The demon smirked, and it could have been hot, if Virgil was not already deeply unimpressed by his behaviour.
“You’re talking to a Demon of Lust, darling,” he said. “You don’t know what you want.”
“Roman,” Patton said in a warning voice, and Roman sighed heavily. Virgil had not realised his eyes had been glowing red until they dimmed to normal.
“Fine, fine, whatever,” he grumbled, and the silk in his silky voice switched out for a grumble. “Food, anyone?”
“Oooh, I’m hungry,” Patton said, bounding over. Virgil felt utterly lost. He looked over to Logan for help.
“Patton is a Demon of Gluttony,” Logan explained quietly, which was not really what Virgil had been silently asking. They both watched Roman and Patton rummage around in the fireplace. Virgil wondered if it was the demonic equivalent to a kitchen. “He often can’t help when he feels hungry, which is one hundred percent of the time. Indulging him is the best course of action.”
Virgil nodded carefully, considering that. “How are you… categorised?”
Logan kept his eyes on his demon friends. “I’m a Demon of Pride.”
“Should you not then be in the heart of the kingdom?” Virgil asked.
“I was born without wings,” Logan said plainly. “It happens, in some family lines. Genetic mishaps, mutations, so on and so forth. I did my best to live up to the standards of being a Demon of Pride, but quickly found it illogical to attempt to be someone I physically could not be.”
Virgil ducked his head. “I know the feeling,” he did not actually say.
“I am an Angel of Patience,” he murmured softly instead. Logan looked over at him, and nodded, once.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” Logan said. Virgil shrugged. He did not know why he had. For all he knew, these demons were going to sacrifice him to their gods and eat his flesh and bone. Maybe Virgil was so apathetic at this point that he did not care what these demons wanted from him.
He pulled away from Logan’s side, looking around the room. His gaze landed on the desk and book. “You were saying that Roman... writes?”
“As a pastime,” said Logan. “His tales are slightly too romanticised, and gaudy, but I can appreciate the artistry to them. He... has yet to achieve the same praise from anyone outside of me and Patton, however.”
“May I ask...” Virgil trailed off, but Logan waited patiently. Virgil pointed at the long black stick. “What is that?”
“Charcoal,” Logan said. He crossed to Virgil and picked it up. He pushed it to the corner of the page, and it left a blackened, dusty spot behind. When Logan put it back down, his hands were tinted that same dark colour. “It’s what we write with. Do you not?”
“Quills,” Virgil answered faintly. “The end of cleaned feathers and pots of ink.”
“Ah.” Logan shook his head. “I can’t say that we are as... sophisticated.”
“You don’t have feathers to use as quills,” Virgil reasoned.
“Quite right.”
“Virgil!” Patton bounded over. “Do you eat?”
“Of course he eats,” Roman said, prowling over with him, licking his lips. For a moment, Virgil thought he was being suggestive again, but then he realised he was eating... some clump of fur and meat in his hands. Virgil looked away before he could be sick. “Angels are notorious for being fed purely on bullshit and assholiness.”
“Roman!” Patton snapped.
“Just as demons are grovelling, snarling creatures of grime and spit,” Virgil retorted, lifting his chin to frown down at Roman.
For a moment, the Demon of Lust looked mildly surprised, and maybe impressed. Then he frowned, looking confused. “For an Angel of Patience, you’re not the nicest individual I’ve ever come across.”
“Roman!” Patton chided again, but Virgil was already feeling the fight leaving him, making way for the resigned depression.
“Perhaps some of us just do not belong where Fate claims they do,” he muttered.
Roman perked up at that, looking excited. “Ooo, bad-mouthing Fate? That’ll get you somewhere where you don’t want to be.”
Patton planted himself between the two of them. “Roman, that’s enough.”
Roman grumbled but subsided obediently.
“How did you hear me?” Virgil asked, changing the topic. “About my Trait.”
“Heightened hearing,” Patton answered with a sunny smile that looked a bit too forced. “Goats and pigs have it. Peacocks, too.”
“Goats and pigs?” Virgil echoed.
“The animals representing lust and gluttony?” Roman said from where he was now sitting at the desk. “Do you not know anything about culture?”
“Not yours,” Virgil said, and he did not mean for it to be an insult.
“Well, anyway,” Patton not-so-subtly interjected, “I got you something to drink. I hope it’s okay.” He handed a mug that did not have a handle over to Virgil, who took it and sniffed the warm contents inside. It smelt like chocolate, with hazelnut, and maybe milk. But the mug itself was so dark. Virgil wondered if it had even been washed.
“What do you wash the bowls with?” he blurted before he could stop himself.
Patton looked slightly confused as he answered slowly, “We wash them with water, kiddo.”
Virgil looked at the mug in his hands dubiously. “They are black.”
“Oh, that’s just made of obsidian,” Patton answered. Virgil had no idea what he was talking about.
“It’s a type of stone you can get from volcanoes,” Logan explained, like he was explaining the existence of demons and angels to a human.
Virgil whirled on him. “There’s volcanoes out here?” he demanded.
Roman tilted his head. “Did you not see the huge mountain right next to our home?”
“Your home is built on a volcano?” Virgil cried.
“Beside,” correct Logan, “not on.” (Virgil was not reassured.)
He looked between the three demons and took a sip of the drink. It was sweet, almost syrupy as it went down. He waited for the burning, or the pain. For his airways to close and his brain to shut down and the demons to laugh as his vision faded.
“Is it good?” Patton asked expectantly.
“I like it,” Virgil answered honestly. Patton smiled.
“You let me know if you want any refills,” he said. “Would you like to eat anything?”
Virgil glanced over at where Roman was licking the blood his snack had left on his fingers. He froze when he found Virgil’s gaze locked onto him, and almost apologetically, said, “We have more than raw possum, if you wanted.”
Virgil was not sure what his face was doing, but it got a smile from Patton before the gluttonous demon darted back to the fireplace.
“Don’t you think you could have eaten that with slightly less mess?” Logan asked Roman.
“Hey, a demon’s got to do what a demon’s got to do. I’m hungry; I eat.”
“Yes, but you’re not exactly setting a great first impression to our guest,” Logan said, as if Virgil was not standing right beside them.
“Oh.” Roman looked over at Virgil. “My apologies, Patient Angel.”
It sounded more like a mockery of a nickname, and Virgil wrinkled his nose, but he had something else on his mind.
“You all speak strange,” he said honestly.
Roman’s eyebrows arched. “We’re the ones who talk strangely?”
“Roman.” Logan frowned at him.
Virgil thought about how to word what he was thinking. “Angels do not… shorten words, like you all do.”
Logan and Roman stared at him uncomprehendingly.
“You guys don’t speak in apostrophes?” Roman asked.
Virgil frowned. “Apostrophes?”
“Lucifer’s pitchfork...” Roman muttered under his breath with a shake of his head.
Patton arrived back with them, pushing a slate of what looked maybe like cream or yogurt into Virgil’s hands. “It’s got blueberries in it,” he said, also handing him a small, bent spoon.
Virgil looked at the little tub, to Patton, and back. Cautiously, he ate a spoonful. It tasted just as good as the drink, and did not kill him. He nodded approvingly. Patton beamed, and moved to hand Logan a platter of an assortment of foods that Virgil could not identify. The Demon of Gluttony darted back to the fireplace and returned with a bowl of what looked like crushed dragon fruit and maybe dried bread, but truly, Virgil did not have much clue as to what the food really was. He was about to ask when Patton and Logan both promptly sat on the ground.
The angel paused, startled. He looked around for a chair, but besides the one Roman was sitting in (backwards, now, as to see the others) at the desk, there were not any chairs. Slowly, Virgil lowered himself to the ground with them. He slowly ate through the meal Patton had provided him.
“Do you not have a schedule of meals?” Virgil asked finally.
Patton tilted his head. “What do you mean?”
“Angels cannot eat outside of the times on their schedules,” Virgil explained, and Patton looked horrified.
“We have no such rules,” Logan said. “No one moderates what we eat.”
“Bleh.” Roman made a face. “Imagine eating at the same time as everyone else. Gross.”
“Yes, the whole demonic kingdom would be covered in bloodied fur and splattered organs,” Virgil agreed sagely, and Patton burst into giggles. Even Logan looked like he was hiding a smile. Roman fumed in his seat.
“You’ll regret that, angel,” he growled, crouching on the seat.
For a terrifying moment, the demon launched from the chair, and Virgil waited for his throat to be ripped out.
But then Patton collided with Roman and the two thumped heavily to the floor, growling and snarling.
Virgil shot to his feet with a yelp, spilling the cream from his bowl. “Patton!” he shrieked, waiting for hot blood to spray onto the floor and Roman to go for Logan next.
But Roman only twisted, rolling Patton onto his back, and pinning him to the ground with a triumphant but breathy, “Ha!”
“Oh, very good,” Patton said, sounding frustrated and proud at the same time. “I could never beat you, anyway.”
“You certainly can’t,” Roman agreed. “You’re only small, Pattycakes. And you never had littermates to practice on.”
“Fair enough.” Patton sighed defeatedly. “You can’t always fight fire with fire.”
“Right.” Roman tossed his head importantly, so he missed the sly smirk creeping onto Patton’s face moments before his arms shot up to dig his hands into Roman’s sides.
The lustful demon shrieked, twisting to roll off Patton, who pounced on his friend, tickling him into the ground.
Still screaming and laughing, Roman hooking his arms over Patton’s waisted and dragging him down to be flush against his own body, preventing him from having the height advantage. Virgil was wondering if this was a common occurrence when Logan stepped in.
“Alright, alright.” The prideful demon moved towards them, his meal carefully placed to the side. Virgil glanced guiltily down at his spilled snack with a twist in his stomach. “That’s enough. We—”
Roman and Patton both lunged for Logan at the same time, dragging him to the ground into their cuddle pile.
Virgil tilted his head, almost trying to study them.
“Are you siblings?” he asked abruptly, and attention turned to him. For a moment, he felt guilty for interrupting their moment and cutting off their laughter, but then Roman’s returned, tenfold, and Virgil was pretty sure the only reason the demon had not curled into a ball yet was because of Patton and Logan’s weights pinning him flat to the ground.
“He thinks we’re littermates!” the Demon of Lust howled, tears forming at the edges of his eyes. Patton giggled with him. Logan did not laugh, but he did smile. Virgil was feeling far too out of place.
“No, we are not related,” Logan said to Virgil.
Virgil thought about Patton putting his hand on Virgil’s shoulder the moment he met him, and bumping their hips, and his spat with Roman, and now looked to where Logan was trying to explain further but was being distracted by the other two, and how he looked pretty far from professional from where he was squeezed into the snuggle pile.
“But you are so... touchy.”
Finally, the laughter died down again.
“I think demons are just like that,” Patton said, then drooped. “But... yeah, even for demon standards, I’ve been told I’m a bit much.”
“Not for us,” Roman said fiercely.
“You also live together,” Virgil went on. “Yet you are not related?”
“Is that an angelic rule?” Patton asked. His voice was gentle. Virgil nodded.
“As far as I am concerned, it is very common here for demons to live in family groups, but it is not a rule.” Logan pulled himself from the demons, despite Roman’s unhappy scowl. “It is, however, quite uncommon to contact and reside with demons outside of one’s category. Our group is... a bit of an anomaly.”
“I don’t know what that means but I bet it’s something super!” Patton chirped. He wiggled off Roman, who was looking more and more put-off with his cuddle buddies leaving him. “So... you’ve never been hugged, Virgil? Or touched, or anything?”
“I mean... sometimes,” Virgil mumbled. “When it was... really important.”
“Hugs are really important!” Patton said. “Would you like one right now?”
Virgil shuffled. “No, thank you.” He looked forlornly down at where he tipped over his food and guilt curled around him again. “I ruined your floor.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Patton said, waving his hands like he was waving away the issue.
Roman looked between the two of them, inquisitive, then yawned. “I’m tired.”
“You had a nap,” Logan said.
“I want another one,” Roman snapped. “Anyone care to join me?”
Virgil blanched, but the others did not react badly.
“Not tonight, kiddo,” Patton said. “We need to get Virgil sorted for where he’s going to stay. Wouldn’t want him to feel left out, now, would we?”
Roman grumbled under his breath and shot Virgil a dirty look, as if it was all his fault (and maybe it was) before stalking up the stairs like a prowling cat more than a grumpy goat.
“If you’re not siblings, are you partners?” Virgil asked. Patton and Logan shared a glance.
“It’s complicated,” Patton said carefully. “For... different reasons.”
“For starters, Roman is asexual,” Logan said, and Patton yelped and slapped him across the side of the head. The prideful demon instantly realised his mistake and ducked his head.
Virgil stared at him, trying to pick that apart. “An asexual Demon of Lust?”
Patton’s expression turned into something slightly more guarded and careful and utterly alien on that friendly face.
“It’s not unheard of,” he said, like he had to defend Roman.
“It’s possibly partly the reason he doesn’t belong anywhere but on the outskirts of the kingdom,” Logan said, and Virgil wondered if he had any tact.
Patton hissed at Logan, and he ducked his head, effectively ridiculed.
“I’m sorry, Virge,” the gluttonous demon said. “It wasn’t our place to tell you.”
“Roman has always been open about this,” Logan pointed out, and Patton frowned at him.
“That’s not quite the point, sugar,” murmured Patton, and Virgil tried not to wrinkle his noise. ‘Sugar’?
“Is everything okay?” Logan asked, and Virgil realised he’d been staring at the ground.
He looked up. “Is... is that normal, here?”
“Is what normal, kiddo?” Patton tilted his head.
Virgil did not know how to explain his question.
“There was... an angel I knew,” he started, slowly. “And... they did not like it when angels called them... a girl.” Patton’s eyes flooded with understanding, though Virgil was not sure how because he had not yet finished the story. “But... being who you are is something gifted to angels by Fate. It is a crime to think about changing it, and for anyone to agree. For that reason, angels are not to have makeup, or jewellery, unless it is for something like a theatre performance. So... this angel wanting to be called... ‘they’... was... shamed, and ignored, and eventually they just ran away, and they— she— ugh.”
Virgil made a very unlike angel noise and buried his face in his hands. He did not know why he was saying this, why he was asking these questions. Perhaps he had nothing left to lose. Maye he was just too tired to care anymore. Regardless of the reason, he was exposing himself to these demons — his kind’s sworn enemy — and he could not find it in himself to feel scared.
“It is hard to wrap my head around. Does that— Am I bad?”
“No.”
Surprisingly, the fierce answer came from Logan. Virgil looked up. The Demon of Pride was frowning, a flame in his eyes, but Virgil instinctively knew he was not the one in trouble.
“It is not your fault for being ignorant in a kingdom of arrogance,” Logan said firmly. “You are trying. You’re not ignoring us, like those other angels. Nor did you ignore that angel, just now, like anyone else did. That’s commendable.”
Virgil shook his head in disagreement but did not verbally protest.
“Did you ever hear from that angel again?” Patton asked with round eyes.
“No. Everyone thinks they just wasted away in the In Between. Their sister didn’t even care. She boasted that she was glad they were gone. My... my brother...”
Truth be told, Janus had followed along with just about everything the other angels had said. He had nodded along to their angry rants, and scowled in disgust, and tutted disapprovingly, all at the right points.
But when Virgil had stopped and looked, really looked, he had seen the tightness in Janus’ jaw. The tortured look in the back of his eyes. The way he would walk away from the conversation with clenched fists and tense shoulders.
He had not agreed with what the kingdom had been saying, but he had not had the bravery to say otherwise. Virgil was not much better; he was just as much of a coward.
“Angels have always been... close minded.” Logan spoke carefully, like he was stepping on glass.
“Not all of them.” Patton said with a smile in Virgil's direction, and if he was not so emotionally drained, Virgil may have blushed. Logan hummed in agreement, and then disappeared upstairs.
Patton led Virgil upstairs to a room at the end of a hallway. It was scattered with mink blankets and camel skins. The bed was long and low to the ground. The only light source was the hazy light from outside, hovering into the room through a window to cast the room in a red glow. It was a strange bedroom, far more different than Virgil’s back in the Angelic Kingdom.
“Was this... a spare room?” Virgil asked.
“What? No, silly, it’s my room!” Patton said brightly. Virgil blanched.
“I’m— I’m not staying in your room,” he said.
“Of course you are!”
“No!” Virgil cried. “I could not do that! It’s your bed!”
“Oh, I’ll just sleep on the floor downstairs.”
“No!” Virgil cried again, feeling more and more distressed. Who did he think he was? Invading the demons’ home like this, eating their food, ruining their carpet? Stealing Patton’s bed?
“No, no, it’s okay,” Patton was saying, rubbing his hands up and down Virgil’s bare arms. His skin burned under the demon’s touch. “It’s alright, sweetheart, breathe.”
“I do not want to steal your bed,” Virgil said through weird pants that were ravaging his body. “I do not... I...”
“Alright, honey. Okay.” Patton’s breath warmed Virgil’s cheek, and Virgil wondered distantly if Patton was standing on the tips of his toes to reach him. “No bed-stealing here. Okay?” Virgil nodded. “Okay. Come on, then.” He started to pull Virgil towards the bed.
“Hey, hey, no,” Patton said when Virgil jerked away from him. “It’s okay. You’re not kicking me out.”
“I can sleep on the floor,” Virgil offered. “I can leave—”
“No, no,” Patton insisted softly, crawling backwards into the bed, and gently pulling Virgil in with him. “Relax, sweetheart, it’s okay.”
“We—” Virgil swallowed. “We are sharing the bed?”
“I will not have a guest of mine sleep on the floor,” Patton said vehemently. Virgil tried to hide his smile. “And I don’t want to freak you out, so... this is a compromise?”
Virgil looked around the dim room, and then down at the demon, curled beside him, looking worried. He did not hide his smile that time.
“It is a good compromise,” he decided, and when Patton smiled that smile of his, Virgil found himself falling asleep easily.
Virgil awoke to the sounds of chatter and the smell of cooking meat.
He sat up, first confused at his unfamiliar surroundings, before remembering Janus, and the In Between, and Patton... And he was out of bed in quite a hurry.
He looked down at his wrinkled tunic. He thought about the near-rags the demons had worn yesterday, and how different their society was to angels, and wondered if they would care for his... unimpressive appearance.
He descended the stairs, found the three demons sprawled out around the floor, and decided they really would not.
“Good morning,” he said quietly, and Roman jumped three feet in the air. Virgil was seriously starting to doubt he was not a cat.
“Oh. You weren’t a fever dream,” he said blandly.
Logan sighed pointedly. Roman ducked his head but did not apologise.
“Good morning, Virgil,” Logan returned with a nod.
“‘Morning!” Patton chirped. “Here, we tried cooking some food for once. Um. I hope it’s okay.” He scampered over to pass him a plate of something that was almost burnt.
“Thank you,” Virgil said. He peered closely at it. “Angels do not have... whatever this is.” Roman gave an indignant squawk. “What is it?”
“Meat,” offered Patton.
“Food,” grumbled Roman.
“It is crocodile,” answered Logan.
Virgil almost dropped the plate. “What?”
Patton’s shoulders drooped. “It was the freshest meat we could get. Only a little bit! And we skinned it, don’t worry!”
Virgil wondered if he was turning green. “I-I do not think that I am very hungry.”
Patton’s face fell. “Oh.”
Something inside Virgil twisted at his crestfallen expression. “Uh—” he stuttered, which was odd because angels did not stutter. “Do you have cutlery?”
Patton instantly brightened and darted away to bring back a single fork. He moved around a lot, Virgil thought.
He held up the fork. “What... I...”
“You eat with it,” Patton said.
Virgil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I am to pick up this entire slice with a fork and... what, eat it in one gulp?”
“Do it, coward,” egged Roman. Patton and Virgil whirled to glare at him, but as Patton opened his mouth to scowl him, Virgil took the challenge head on and shoved what he could of the meat into his mouth.
It was chewy, and embarrassingly too much, and Virgil made a mess, but he managed to chew and swallow the whole piece in one go, and the demons looked thoroughly impressed.
“I rescind my ‘coward’ comment,” Roman said faintly, and Virgil would have smiled triumphantly if he was not so busy trying desperately to wipe his mouth clean. Patton giggled, and a moment later he was in front of Virgil, wiping his lips with the end of his torn sleeve.
Virgil blinked down at those sparkling blue eyes, so bright compared to his dark skin. If all demons were this gorgeous (which Roman and Logan were not, but they were still close) Virgil figured he would struggle to stay here much longer.
He ducked away before anyone of them could see the heat rising in his cheeks.
“Well, that was disappointedly uneventful.” Roman stood up and stretched. “I’m going to head out for the day.”
“Whatever for?” Logan asked. “You were out all of yesterday.”
“Inspiration, Bird Brain!” Roman said brightly. “There’s bound to be inspiration somewhere out there, and I just have to find it!” He padded over to the blocked entrance way and promptly... unblocked it.
“May I ask something?” Virgil blurted, and the demons looked back at him, surprised.
Patton inclined his head. “Something on your mind, kiddo?”
Virgil moved from Patton’s side to Roman’s and stared at the strange entranceway. He pointed at it. “What... what is this?”
“A... door?” Patton asked slowly.
Virgil looked between the demons and the door. “Angels do not have doors.”
“Satan, are there anything that angels do have?” Roman muttered.
“A good sense of who is an unnecessary dick,” Virgil said imperiously. Roman gaped at him. Virgil was not sure if he was more offended or impressed.
“Why don’t we all go out for the day?” Patton suggested abruptly. “We can help Roman look for something to write about and have a picnic at the same time!”
“Demons have picnics?” Virgil asked.
“I’m sure it’s not nearly as appealing as your sunlit, wind-filled ventures,” Roman sniped with a vicious smile, “but I’m sure we can find some place that will be just as dazzling.” Virgil wrinkled his nose sceptically. Roman grinned merrily over his shoulder. “Come on, then!” He disappeared out the door.
Logan rolled his eyes. “He’s damn hopeless,” he muttered, moving after him regardless. “Are you two coming?”
Virgil followed the trio of ambling demons out into the wasted landscape of red rock and hazy smoke. He eyed the burned-up shrubbery and shallow craters dubiously. Did Roman really think he could find a place that could rival a picnic area like those they had in the Angelic Kingdom, with a gentle breeze and clear air and brilliant sun? Maybe the real reason he could not write something good enough for the city’s attention was that he was just delusional.
After almost tripping over multiple loose rocks, having his robes caught on several spiked, burnt shrubbery and having a particularly scary, too-close encounter with a suddenly bursting geyser, Virgil was ready to end the adventure and drag the demons back to the house — or at the very least, trudge back on his own.
It was entirely unfair that the demons seemed to move much easier than him.
Roman, at the front of the group, had a pounce in his step. He leapt over boulders with ease and almost pinged off the ground each time he moved. Logan stepped lightly, delicately, but still with so much more grace than Virgil could manage. Even Patton, who supposedly was a Demon of Gluttony, totted pleasantly along, having no trouble with the difficult terrain.
It was an obvious given, but Virgil was not built for this hellbent place.
“Ready, you angelic pain?” Roman called, bringing Virgil from his thoughts. He looked up to see that they were approaching a strange wall of thorned bushes. Virgil was not sure there were even any flowers or leaves on the branches. He scowled.
“Ready to walk back to the house accompanied with thorn-sized divots covering my body? It’s a hard pass from me.”
Roman threw his head back and laughed. Without another word, he reached forward and brushed a portion of the branches aside, the thorns scraping harmlessly against his rough, dark skin, and Logan ducked through the created entrance.
Patton wiggled with delight and bounded right after, but Virgil hesitated. He could not see what was beyond the thorn wall. He glanced between Roman and where the other two had disappeared.
The Demon of Lust only smiled toothily. “If I were you, I wouldn’t want to keep them waiting.”
Virgil scowled again and brushed passed him, carefully avoiding stray branches.
Now, Virgil grew up — literally — in the light. He was used to bright days and no cloud cover. Houses were always lit with sunlight and extra candles and orbs of brightness. Even nighttime had sparkled with stars and the overhead moon.
Fair to say, Virgil’s eyes were used to intense, beaming displays.
Virgil was not prepared for the blazing light that assaulted him the moment he crossed through the thorn bush wall.
He might have actually staggered (which angels were not supposed to do under any circumstance) because he felt far too unsteady on his feet until a warm hand pressed to his back. His hands had risen automatically to shield his face, and he squinted desperately to see through his fingers at the blinding light.
“Oh, bad luck!” Roman’s voice said, just behind him. “Don’t worry, it just pulses sometimes. The blindness will recede eventually.”
“Eventually?” Patton squawked, somewhere at Virgil’s side. Virgil could just about hear Roman rolling his eyes.
“Fine, fine! Here, keep your eyes closed.” A pair of warm fingers pushed down on Virgil’s eyelids, and he fought against the urge to pull away. The hands were gentle and careful, and it almost felt like they were rubbing the light from behind his eyes.
After a moment, Roman retracted his hands, and Virgil’s eyes fluttered open. He blinked, then blinked again, trying to find something to focus on.
Patton’s bright blue eyes and curious expression and careful smile, it seemed, were mighty fine things to look at.
“Are you okay?” the gluttonous demon asked.
“He’s fiiiiine,” groaned Roman. “Come on, come on! I want to show you around!”
Virgil shook his head to clear it, took a step back, and gaped at their surroundings.
There were in a crater, but one that must have been thousands of years old, because the ground was regrowing its strange plant life, with some new additions including startling coloured blooming flowers and huge leaves. There was no life within the crater, as much as Virgil could tell, but the plants themselves looked like they were sentient lifeforms, waving in a non-existent wind and snapping at air.
Above them, the cloudy haze had lifted, at least a small bit, to reveal an obsidian sky above, so much darker than Virgil was used to. There was no moon, and no visible stars.
In the centre of it all, most likely the thing that had caused the crater to begin with, was an enormous, glimmering rock.
Virgil felt, frankly, quite faint.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Roman boasted. “I tried jumping on it, but it was way bigger than I anticipated. And I did NOT fall on my ass, before any of you say anything, because you can’t prove it!” No one was paying attention to him, though.
“A dying star,” Logan breathed, somewhere off to Virgil’s side. Virgil turned on him, startled.
“What?” He glanced back at the glowing stone. “That doesn’t make any sense! It’s solid, it’s not gas — that’s not possible— and there’s no stars around here anyway! What— i-it’s glowing, it’s— what?”
Silence followed him, and he looked around at the others.
“That’s the nerdiest thing I’ve experienced since Logan,” Roman said, flabbergasted.
Virgil ducked his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “It just... took me off-guard.”
Patton giggled. “It’s okay.” He touched Virgil’s arm, only lightly, so Virgil would later wonder why it felt as if little pricks of lightning were shooting through his nerves. “It was cute.”
“Oh my GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD,” Roman complained. “I’m going down to find a spot to sit before you guys make me sick.”
Before Virgil could pick that comment apart in his confusion, Logan said, “You knew this was here,” in an astounded voice.
Roman threw a grin over his shoulder. “Yep.”
Logan sighed, raising his eyes to the starless sky above. “Unbelievable.”
It was only after the four of them settled onto a smooth section of rock, away from any hungry-looking plants, that Virgil realised they had not grabbed any food for the ‘demon picnic’. He must have had a look that spoke his confusion as much, because Patton tilted his head in his direction.
“What’re you thinking about, kiddo?” he prompted.
“When... what do you do on picnics?” Virgil asked. “There’s no... wine, or cheese, or... anything.”
“I thought angels didn’t eat out of time,” Roman said, only a little snidely.
Virgil met his eyes with a challenge. “Angels have designated picnic schedules.”
Roman’s eyebrows rose. He rubbed his face. “When do they make these rules?” he muttered. “Before or during your stages as a minor?”
Virgil lifted his chin, ready to reply... but why was he defending that kingdom? What did he care what these demons, who demonstrated more care and welcome than an entire lifetime of being with the angels had provided?
He lost his assertive posture. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, some of the rules are pretty dumb.”
Roman laughed, but there was something, deep in his eyes, that looked pained, and forced. “They certainly are.” He stood. “Better go find something to eat. Any requests?”
Strange tradition aside, Virgil offered, “Not crocodile.” Roman laughed again, and this time Virgil’s lips twitched in amusement. The sound was contagious.
“Very well,” the Demon of Lust said. “I will endeavour to find the best but crocodile for our angelic guest.”
It was after he left back through the thorn barrier that Virgil said, “For a lustful demon, he is very... enthusiastic about things that don’t involve... romance.”
“He’s showing off,” Logan said.
“He’s always been like that,” said Patton at the same time. The two glanced at each other. “It’s a bit of both,” Patton continued after a moment. “He insists on doing the hard work, like fetching water and food and anything else hands-on for us. It’s sweet.”
Virgil frowned. “Why?”
Patton ducked his head.
“It could be to do with the derivative views of Demons of Lust,” Logan explained slowly. “They usually aren’t the most... proper of demons. They live in the heart of the city, but from their nature you can guess what majority of their occupations entail.” Virgil grimaced and Logan nodded empathetically. “Demons of Lust tend to be... uh.” He cleared his throat. “Good with their hands, and Roman intends to prove that he can be useful in other ways.”
Virgil gaze down at the smooth ground beneath his legs.
“He's been through a lot,” Patton said, his shoulders drooping. Virgil wanted to wipe that sad look off his face, but he did not even know what to say, let alone how to act.
Logan hummed in agreement. “Yes, especially—”
Patton’s head shot up to give him a dark look, and he promptly stopped talking. Virgil looked between the two of them. “What?”
“Nothing,” Logan said, too quickly. He eyed Patton uncertainly before lowering his gaze. “It’s... nothing.”
“I have food!” Roman’s voice sang, and a moment later he was bouncing back through the bush towards them, in that cheerful gait of his. He trotted over to dump the gathered food before them. A group of collected berries, some weird, thick leaf-things, and a carcass of a dead animal about the length of Virgil’s arm.
“Why didn’t you just bring food with you when we left the house?” Virgil’s wings fluttered as he picked up a dark berry and squinted at it.
“Food doesn’t keep. Well, meat doesn’t,” Roman said, and Virgil had a hard time listening to anything he said when he talked as if he knew how food in the Angelic Kingdom kept. “Got to eat while it’s fresh!”
Virgil politely declined the meat, and focused on the variety of berries, and a couple of the strange leaves. They were filled with a weird substance, almost tasting like mince of sorts, and if Virgil was not sure weirded out by them, he probably would have eaten far more.
As it was, he had never had much of a big appetite, and he sat back after only a few minutes of eating.
It gave him a chance to study the others while they were distracted. They ate like ravenous wolves, and Virgil was half glad he had finished, because he probably would have lost his appetite even quicker.
Patton ate like he had not been fed in years, and Virgil’s eye roamed over his lean figure and exposed ribs and wondered distantly if he was constantly starving. Roman ate with all the grace and poise that Virgil expected from a Demon of Lust, and that was the same amount as any other demon — that is to say, little to none at all. He had gone quarters with the other two with the meat, and was tearing into it, muck and blood splattering from his lips and staining his knuckles. Logan focused more on the neater foods, but even he managed to look like he was fighting the food more than eating it.
Needless to say, it was a strange, mildly frightening experience.
Once they were finished, though, and had wiped the evidence from their lips and hands, the trio were back to their normal, grinning states. Virgil wondered if all demons went feral over meals and would not have been surprised by a positive answer.
“You didn’t eat much,” Patton said, almost mournfully. Virgil shrugged, and gifted him a hint of a smile.
“I could not have let you guys go hungry,” he said with a glimpse of mirth in his eyes. Patton clearly saw it and beamed back. God, that was almost as blinding as the dying star. He glanced back at it. “How did you find this? What science could possibly be behind it? You will have to explain it to me.”
Roman fell onto his back. “Oh, great,” he bemoaned. “Now we’re going to have to listen to Tail Feathers preen and gush about the stupid science behind a fallen, dying star. What’s so interesting about the logic of it? It’s a giant jewel from the sky! Cool enough as it is.”
Patton lightly whacked his knee. “Hush. You like listening to him.”
So the pair of them — and Roman, though it was obvious he tuned in and out — listened as Logan talked about the Demonic Kingdom and it’s landscape and surrounding atmosphere, how it tied into the world and kingdoms around it, and why it was so special that a dying star landed there of all places.
Logan talked quite a bit, Virgil quickly found, as he was still babbling even as they began to leave the crater. Virgil was not getting bored of listening to him, however, and was not about to complain. Roman obviously did not have the same opinion.
“OKAY WE GET IT,” Roman hollered after Logan had gone off on a tangent about the nonexistence of a sun and moon in the Demonic Kingdom. Virgil was unable to smother a snort of amusement, and Logan shot him a sly smirk. Virgil hoped Logan had kept talking just to bother Roman. “YOU’RE SMART AND ALL OF YOUR SMART, SCIENTIFIC WORDS ARE GOING OVER OUR HEADS, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE NOW.”
“Actually, ‘nerdjacking’ is neither a smart nor scientific word,” Logan correctly mildly. Roman stared uncomprehendingly at him. Logan’s lips twitched. “It’s made up.”
Roman shrieked furiously, and Virgil burst out laughing as he lunged for Logan and widely missed, causing him to tumble across the dusty ground.
“Wow, able to catch crocodiles but not peacocks?” Logan said, mock-curiously. “You have an interesting skill set, Roman.”
“YOU FIEND!” the lustful demon screeched, and the pair darted off in the direction of the house, leaving Virgil and Patton a giggling mess in their dust.
Well, Virgil was giggling, and at first, he thought Patton was too, until he realised the demon was staring at him with a blank expression and wide, round eyes. Laughter died on his lips. “Is everything okay? Did I do something?”
Then Patton’s face split with that incredible smile again, and his eyes may have honestly started watering.
“Your laugh is... is...”
“Oh.” Virgil ducked his head, feeling his face heat up. He smiled, a little. “Yeah. I... I haven’t laughed like that in... a long time.”
A pair of hands cupped his cheeks and brought his gaze to meet Patton’s. “I hope we can keep that,” he said, voice quiet and lips soft and do not think about it, Virgil, stay strong. “I really, really hope we can keep you laughing like that.”
“What?” Virgil straightened, becoming too tall for Patton to reach, and smirked. “Does it fuel your ever-constant hunger for angel blood?”
Patton giggled and shook his head. “No. It just... makes me happy.”
Something in Virgil’s heart shifted and oh, that was not fair.
“Should we try and catch up?” he said, nodding to where Logan and Roman had disappeared off to. “Just to make sure Logan hasn’t actually been eaten or something by Roman.”
Patton chuckled. “Or that Roman hasn’t broken anything with his misplaced attack attempts.”
In agreement, the pair walked hand-in-hand after the other two, and Virgil prayed Patton wouldn’t look up and see the blush on his face.
It must have been a week, or maybe two, when Virgil woke up and his daily routine was interrupted by a particularly disturbing new variable.
Virgil often slept in far longer than the demons. He had come to find that this was because demons slept twice, throughout night and day, preferring to have two long naps that broke up their day instead of sleeping all in one period. It was strange, but Virgil learned to adjust (especially after he realised that they had been neglecting their second nap during the first few days to accommodate for him.) He’d gotten used to their routine, like how Roman was the one who often got food but Patton was the one who dished it out, or how Logan often zoned out when he read, or Patton’s daily wandering walks out of the house, which Virgil had learnt was how he had been found by the demon in the first place.
So, Virgil often woke up from his shared bed with Patton alone, and could go about getting ready by himself. His robes now were dirtied and torn from the toll adventuring would take on his outfit. At first, he was concerned that they would see him as improper, and dirty, and hate him and order him to leave, but they had barely batted an eye. They didn’t care for his tattered clothes, and frankly if they didn’t, neither did he.
He could merely dress, splash his face with fresh, warm basin water, and would go downstairs. He could resort to combing his hands through with his fingers. The demons didn’t use hairbrushes. Virgil could get used to all of this.
Except as he moved his hands through his hair, he brushed against something — a pair of soft, fuzzy somethings that moved with his touch — and he shrieked.
Virgil staggered downstairs at the same time as the demons lunged up to him, worrying over him, demanding to know what happened, why he screamed.
Babbling uncontrollably, Virgil grabbed Logan’s wrists and shoved his hands in the direction of the weird new appendages growing from his head.
Logan’s fingers gently glossed over them, and he relaxed.
“Ah,” he said, as if everything made sense. “Don’t panic, Virgil. They are simply ears.”
“I have a pair of perfectly good ears on the sides of my head!” Virgil cried. “Why do I have these?” He yanked at the fuzzy ears and ignored the pain that shot up his skull. Patton yelped.
“No, no, don’t do that!” He darted forward to try and ease Virgil’s hands from his head. “Don’t pull on them, honey, it’ll just hurt.”
“Easy, city slicker.” Roman grinned. “That’s normal. See, check these out.” He bent his neck at an awkward angle to expose his goat horns, and Patton gently moved Virgil’s hands to feel them cautiously. “Everyone has animal traits.”
“Demons have animal traits,” Virgil corrected.
The three demons glanced at each other.
“Yes,” Logan responded slowly, “and so can Turned Angels.”
Virgil blanched. “W-what? Angels can... can turn into demons?”
Logan glanced at the other two, who weren’t giving him any help. He nodded almost uncertainly, like he didn’t want to say the wrong thing to set anyone off. “It’s... possible.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Virgil cried, and the three of them recoiled from him as he began to pace. His wings flared open and shut, agitated. “There’s no— that— Really?”
Roman, suddenly snappish, growled, “Are you going to take our word for it or are you just going to keep blabbering all day?” Virgil paused, and waited for Patton or Logan’s reprimand. It didn’t come.
He turned away, hugging himself.
“Oh, baby.” Patton’s soft voice and warm breath reached his arm as the demon wrapped his arms around his torso. “It’s scary, I know. If you returned to the Angelic Kingdom now, your demonic traits wouldn’t be permanent. You could go back and return to normal if you’d like.”
And somehow that was even more horrifying than the idea that he was turning into a demon.
Virgil suddenly realised how silent it was around him, like the others were too scared to even breathe in his presence.
“No.” He let out a long breath. “No, it’s okay. Well. It’s not okay, but it will be. I will be okay.” He turned in Patton’s arms and pulled the little demon to his chest. He looked over Patton’s head to Logan and Roman. “I’m sorry for scaring all of you.”
“Oh, nonsense!” Patton said. “You could never!”
Logan and Roman didn’t interject, but Logan inclined his head in mute acceptance and forgiveness. Roman didn’t meet anyone’s gazes.
“I’m going to look for inspiration,” he muttered finally, and pushed past Virgil and Patton to disappear out the door. Patton half reached for him, protests dying on his lips. He drooped, defeated, in Virgil’s grip.
“Sorry,” Virgil said again.
“It was not entirely your fault,” Logan assured him. “Roman...”
“He’s not sensitive,” Patton defended quickly.
“I wasn’t going to say he was,” Logan assured him. “It’s a bit of a sore topic for him.”
Virgil fidgeted with his hands. Patton stilled them when he clasped their fingers together. “I feel like there’s more to him than you guys are ever going to tell me.”
“He has a brother,” Logan said, and wasn’t that just a proving point to Virgil’s statement? “He doesn’t live with him because it is forbidden.”
“I thought demons could live with whoever they like,” Virgil said.
“Demons can,” Logan confirmed.
“Angels can’t,” Patton said softly.
When the reality of what he’d just been told, Virgil stumbled back. He sat on the ground, staring at the carpet. There was a dark stain there, made by a spilled tub of blueberry yogurt.
“He’s an angel,” he said faintly. The demons’ silence answered his unasked question. “He’s an angel.”
“He was,” Patton corrected, moving to sit before him. “He’s a demon now, kiddo.”
Virgil shook his head. “But— he was so confused! About angel rules, and me, a-and...”
“He left a long time ago,” Logan said. “Times change.”
Virgil rubbed his hands over his face, his mind racing. Lust, his mind said, quietening the other thoughts, and he looked up, realising he had said that aloud. “Chastity. He was an Angel of Chastity.”
“Indeed.” Logan dipped his head.
It explained a few things, at least. Roman’s mutinous comments about angels, his lack of sexual preference, why he liked exploring the demonic world.
“Why did he leave?” Virgil asked. “Was he sick of the pretentious rules, too? But... he had a brother. Why would he leave his brother?”
Patton and Logan exchanged looks.
“That’s not our place,” Patton said softly. “We’ve already been telling you far too much.”
“You know he wouldn’t mind.” Logan moved to massage his nimble fingers into Patton’s tense shoulders. Virgil felt a spike of jealousy curl in his gut. Why didn’t he think to do that for Patton?
“Should I go after him?”
“Why don’t we draw something?” Patton suggested, glancing up to Logan. “Roman got those new blank scrolls the other day.”
Logan smiled. “Good idea.” He moved the bookcase and brought back a thick, empty scroll that he laid out in the middle of their small circle. He set the charcoal pencil beside it.
“I’m not very good at drawing,” Virgil admitted quietly.
“That’s no issue.” Logan waved a hand, like he was physically dismissing the apology.
Patton smiled, and shuffled over to lean into Virgil’s side. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he murmured, and pressed a chaste kiss to Virgil’s cheekbone. “I’m not great at it either.”
Virgil’s mind was so busy malfunctioning that he completely missed the first half of the demons’ drawing game. When he eventually tuned back in, face still aflame and heart still thumping madly, he found that Patton and Logan were taking turns in drawing on the scroll’s canvas. So far, they had created a flat landscape with a single silhouette of a tree positioned on the side.
“Ready to play?” Patton asked with a sly look in his direction. If he had been in his right mind, Virgil would have cursed him. As it was, he could barely reply with a ‘thank you’ as Patton passed him the charcoal piece. He looked uncertainly down at the half-drawing and tried to think about anything but the way his cheek was still on fire. The charcoal rubbed against his pale skin.
Slowly he leaned forward, picked a spot where he wanted to draw, and carefully, he began to sketch.
It was sloppy, and too bulky, and not the right shape, but once Virgil pulled back from his attempt at a moon, both Patton and Logan seemed floored.
“That’s gorgeous, Virgil!” Patton said. Virgil shrugged.
“It’s...” He was aiming to say ‘nothing,’ but he found he couldn’t push down Patton’s praise as easily after that kiss. “Thanks.”
Patton grinned and leaned against him, resting his head on the edge of his shoulder. Virgil didn’t tense like he wanted to, but fire still ran up the skin where Patton touched him. He wondered if that was normal but didn’t want to interrupt Logan as he frowned and drew what looked like cloud cover over Virgil’s moon.
It was beginning to look like a beautiful landscape (with a far-off ocean, a setting sun blanketing the surrounding area in rimmed darkness, an overhead moon peeking through some clouds with its star brothers and sisters) when Roman arrived back.
“Got dinner,” he mumbled, and dropped a sack of grain, meat, and salt rocks next to the fireplace.
“Oh, thank—!”
Roman slammed the front door closed when he left again before Patton could finish.
For a moment, the three of them glanced between each other.
Then Virgil sighed quietly and stood. “I’m going to go talk to him.” Logan nodded, once, and Patton attempted to smile but Virgil could see the force behind it. He turned quickly so Patton wouldn’t have to keep up the act and moved to the door.
He knocked on it experimentally, but got no reply, so he opened it and slipped outside.
Roman was sitting to the side, leaning against the house. He didn’t look mad, or even sad. His eyes were worryingly blank.
“Sorry for snapping, earlier,” he said dully.
“It’s alright,” Virgil said, almost instantaneously. He sat down beside Roman, mirroring his position. “I... must have done something wrong, so—”
“No.” Virgil swallowed, glancing at the demon, who was slowly shaking his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
The pair sat in silence. Roman still looked slightly dazed. Virgil fidgeted with his hands.
“So...” he said after a minute, “you have a brother?”
Immediately he wanted to screw his jaw closed, but Roman didn’t react badly.
“I do,” he simply confirmed. Virgil took it Roman also understood that he now knew his past of an ex-Angel of Chastity.
“Did you leave because... you weren’t happy with having a brother?” Virgil asked softly, that mystery still unsolved.
Roman shook his head. “I was fine with it.” He didn’t offer anything else. Virgil felt a little out of his depth, to be the one trying to keep conversation with the usually loud, energetic demon.
“Was your brother not happy with it?” he asked instead.
“He was also fine with having a brother,” Roman said, and Virgil was at a loss. Roman finally raised his head, but instead of looking at Virgil, stared off into the distance. His eyes were the same discoloured red as the bricks behind them, as opposed to the bright blood that had locked onto Virgil the first time he stepped into the house. “It was... the Ancient Angels who had issues.”
Virgil’s eyebrows twitched. “That’s odd,” he mused thoughtfully. Had he ever experienced something like that? Had he ever even heard of something like that? “You can’t help who you are related to.”
Roman’s voice was quiet when he responded, “That’s not entirely the point, Virge.”
Virgil’s shoulders drooped. He was still confused. “Oh.”
Roman looked over at him from the corner of his eye, and when Virgil glanced over at them, there were hints of mirth returning to his gaze, his lips curling the tiniest bit upwards.
“You know, if you’re going to be sticking around, I think I need to think of some new nicknames.”
Virgil scoffed and rolled his eyes. “What, names like Angel Ass and Featherbrain weren’t good enough for you?”
“To be fair, Featherbrain is Logan. He’s the peacock.”
“And what do you think I am?” Virgil challenged.
Roman shrugged. “Who knows? With these little suckers.” He reached up and tugged — gently — on Virgil’s ears, and he laughed and batted him away. “How does a hyena sound?”
“A hyena?” Virgil squawked.
“You laugh like one,” Roman said with a grin. “And you are quite greedy when it comes to Patton’s attention.”
“Hey!” Virgil shrieked. “No! I am not!”
Roman hooted with a laugh, scrambling away as Virgil lunged for him.
“Maybe you're a pig, like him!” he guffawed. “And you just need to wait it out until they grow more! It’s simply meant to be!”
“Shut up!” Virgil was laughing too hard to make an effective opponent, and Roman kept scampering out of the way of his grabs. It took a minute for Virgil to realise that Patton and Logan must have heard their ruckus and emerged from the house to watch the two of them scuffle.
Roman noticed them, lit up, and was bowled over when Virgil finally managed to catch him off-guard.
“Ha-ha!” He grinned down at Roman. “I win.” Roman pouted for a moment before smirking.
When his fingers tug into Virgil’s side, the angel merely raised an eyebrow. Roman’s face fell.
“Wait, what? Why aren’t you— That’s supposed to work!”
“I’m not ticklish,” Virgil announced with an air of victory. Roman groaned and squirmed indignantly.
“Damn it,” he muttered, and Virgil grinned toothily.
Roman startled, then, and peered closely at him. He reached up and his fingers just barely brushed against Virgil’s bottom lip. He jerked back, startled, and Roman, bashed, blushed.
“Sorry. Just, uh... pointy.”
Virgil frowned. “What?”
Roman pointed at his mouth, and Virgil ran his tongue over his teeth to find that, horrifyingly, there were indeed pointed.
“Everything okay?” Patton had moved up beside them, and Virgil shuffled off Roman. He swallowed.
“I really am turning into a demon, aren’t I?” he said quietly.
Patton’s eyes flooded with sympathy.
“You don’t have to,” Roman said, sitting up, before Patton could speak. “You could leave.” It wasn’t the same snappish tone he had used before fleeing the house. It wasn’t even remotely annoyed. Roman looked at him patiently. Empathetically. “It would fix everything. You wouldn't have to live like this.”
“Whatever you do,” Logan added, moving to Virgil’s other side to squeeze his arm, “we will help you.”
“Yes,” Patton agreed, though his voice was subdued and mournful. Virgil looked down at the small demon and his forlorn features. He glanced at the pain flickering in Roman’s eyes. He saw the tension coiling in Logan’s muscles.
He huffed and stood up. “I... have to think about it.”
“I’d love to tell you to take your time,” Logan said, rising with him. “But there’s an uncertainty around how much time you have before the power of the Demonic Kingdom take over your angelic senses.”
Virgil swallowed. “Can you give me an estimate?”
Logan glanced at Patton and Roman. “A day,” he choked out finally. Virgil’s heart dropped.
“Oh,” he said faintly.
“I’m sorry,” Logan said, and his voice trembled. “Maybe if I could have found out sooner, I would have been able to tell or, or fix it, or—”
“Hey, Big Bird, calm down.” Roman stood to press against Logan’s side. “Breathe.”
“It’s okay, L.” Virgil gave him a small smile. Patton bustled up to hold his hand, and he squeezed reassuringly. “We’ll work it out.”
Logan sighed dejectedly but didn’t protest or argue any further.
“I wonder if I’ll still have my wings,” Virgil mused, but then caught himself with a brief glance in Roman’s direction and his very obvious bare back, void of wings despite being an ex-angel. “Oh— sorry.”
Roman blinked before laughing. “Oh, don’t be sorry!” he said, shaking his head. “Maybe you will! I didn’t lose my wings to demon transformation.”
Virgil caught himself. “You... didn’t?”
“No.” Roman went sombre. “When I ran, I was unlucky enough to be intercepted by a patrol.” He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nonchalantly, but Virgil felt sick.
“They...?”
Roman nodded. “Made sure I couldn’t change my mind once I left.”
Virgil’s gut twisted and he looked away. “God, what’s wrong with my people?”
“They’re not your people,” Patton injected softly. His hands were warm against Virgil’s palm. “You’re not like them.”
“What good am I doing down here?” Virgil whispered. “Running away from my problems, thinking I’m the only one with issues?”
“You didn’t know what else to do,” Patton reasoned. “From what you’ve told us, you couldn’t have known there were others like you.” In the corner of his eye, Virgil watched Roman tilt his head inquisitively at that, but Patton elaborated, “Oppressed and outcasted by those stupid rules,” and the lustful demon seemingly lost interest. Virgil tried not to squint at him. Curious.
Virgil shook himself, and Patton dropped his arm. That was enough niceties. Virgil could get ill with all the affection.
He nodded to the house. “Well, we don’t want to let dinner go off.”
“A man after my own heart!” Roman sang, already jumping forward.
“Wait.” Logan’s voice was firm, but deadly still. The others paused too, glancing back at them. His gorgeous eyes were narrowed at the ground as he concentrated, troubled. He looked up at them and asked, “Does anybody else hear that?”
Both Roman and Patton immediately stiffened. Virgil opened his mouth to ask what they were talking about.
“Patton look out!” cried Roman, lunging from the shelter of the house doorway to collide with the other demon.
Then two angelic sentries landed and slit Logan’s throat.
Roman’s bellow may as well have made the ground shake. Virgil would have almost believed that he was a cat instead of a goat, but then the second angel grabbed him by his horns and shoved him face first into the ground and held him there.
Patton was crying, huddling backwards, and quivering against the ground. His eyes were as wide as dying stars, flickering between his family.
“LOGAN!” Roman roared against the dirt smudging against his beautiful face. He struggled against the angel but couldn’t budge. It didn’t look like Logan had heard him, anyway; his eyes — those striking, dark eyes — were already glassy. Blood the colour of amethysts was pooling around his head as it flooded from his neck. His stained lips might have been twitching, trying to move, but all that came from his mouth was a trickle of that violet blood.
Virgil’s head spun.
He should be doing something. He should be moving. He should be screaming or crying or defending his friends or something, but he was standing there uselessly, and Logan was dying— Logan was dead— Why? What did the angels want? They couldn’t be here for him. He was a nobody. He didn’t matter.
Don’t tell me they killed Logan for me. Please, please, don’t tell me this is my fault. Logan can’t be dead because of me.
A third angel landed, glorious wings extended to their full length, glittering golden eyes narrowed, smile sharp as he straightened and readjusted his spotless suit.
“Hello, Virgil,” said Janus. “I thought I had told you not to mess with demons.”
Virgil had to throw up. He was going to throw up.
He couldn’t speak. He wanted to say Janus’ name, to curse him, to demand he leave, to help Logan, anything…
He couldn’t speak.
Beneath the feet of the second demon, Roman was cursing up a storm, expletives spitting from his snarled lips as he— glare wasn’t even the right word — as he blazed at Janus. Virgil's brother ignored him in favour of approaching Virgil, who quailed back. Roman snarled viciously, struggling to stand, making the angelic guard buck, unbalanced.
Janus paused and sighed. He didn’t even look in over his shoulder, but it must have been enough incentive for the angel because they drove their sword through the Demon of Lust’s back.
Virgil’s breath rushed out of him. He heard Patton screaming.
The angel stepped aside, taking their sword with them.
Patton shot forward, and a cry tore itself from Virgil’s throat.
“Go away!” Patton wailed, stumbling to Roman’s side, and pushing his hands to where the blue blood was soaking through his back. “Get away, you horrible, horrible, winged monsters! Leave us alone!”
Roman groaned, and Patton’s voice broke and he stopped shouting. He started talking quietly to Roman, who responded dazedly, but Virgil couldn’t hear either of their voices, even as he stared at them from his frozen position.
“Virgil.” Janus sounded tired. He was standing in front of him. Virgil could see him in the corner of his eye. He kept his gaze focused on Patton and Roman. “Oh, dear, you are trembling.” A hand gripped his elbow. It was cool, and smooth, and his brother’s, and not a demon’s.
“Don’t touch me.” Virgil ripped from Janus, skittering back to stare furiously at Janus. “What are you doing here?”
Janus blinked, and Virgil wondered where the hell he got the audacity to look shocked.
“I am taking you back,” he said slowly, as if he were explaining angels and demons to a youngster. As if he were explaining why angels were good, and holy and perfect, and demons were feral, disgusting scum not worth wasting time on.
“You are not coming anywhere near me,” Virgil snarled. Janus looked at him like he’d grown a tail and started talking in tongues.
“I understand we have had our disagreements,” Janus said slowly, holding up his hands. Patton was bent down to Roman, now, pressing their foreheads together. “But that is no reason to pick a fight with demons to air your frustrations. They could have killed you.”
Virgil gaped at him. He glanced over at Logan’s corpse, and Roman’s blue-soaked body and the tears rolling down Patton’s cheeks.
“Pathetic creatures, really,” Janus mused sadly. “It is almost a shame that they had to die because of you.”
Virgil choked on his curse, unable to get anything past his clogged throat.
Janus sighed again. “Come, Virgil. We are going home. Now.”
He turned and flared his wings. After a moment, he glanced back and found that Virgil hadn’t moved an inch.
Virgil glowered dangerously at him. His voice was steel. “I am home.”
Janus started.
Patton lunged.
Virgil jolted, as shocked as Janus while Patton clawed and bit and scratched and growled and cried and whimpered and sobbed.
The world swam around Virgil when he looked over to find Roman’s eyes dull and colourless. They didn’t even reflect off the shimmering pool of cobalt surrounding him. Virgil distantly wondered if the lump in his throat was not anxiety or emotion, and just his heart, trying to push its way out of his body, knowing that would be far less of a painful fate than what was happening around him.
Janus hissed, twisting away from his attacker, but the little demon only launched a second time, fastening the bone of Janus’ wing in his jaw and crunching it between his teeth.
Janus’ shriek spurred the other two angels into motion, and they darted forward.
Virgil got there first.
He lashed with his wing, the sharp ends of his feathers striking through both eyes of the first angel. She reared back with a shriek, clawing at her own face. He ignored Janus’ stunned cry of “Virgil!” and threw himself at the second angel, bowling them over and crunching their leg beneath his weight. He blocked out the screams as he dug his fingers — and sharpened nails, when had they grown so long? — into their thigh, digging and clawing until white blood was gushing from the gaping wound.
Firm hands dug into his shoulders and tore him from the angels, whirling him around and throwing him into the side of the house.
“What are you doing?” Janus’ eyes were wild, his hair crazed. His suit was flecked with small spots of white blood. Yet his voice was terrifyingly quiet, barely disturbing the electrified air. Virgil bared his teeth, and Janus paled. “You...”
Patton tackled Janus again, but the angel was ready for him this time, and the little demon was thrown to the ground with a brutal thump. Janus turned on him, his fingers twitching, like he was planning on twisting Patton’s neck in his grip.
And Virgil wasn’t going to have that.
He snarled and met Janus with a fire in his eyes and blood on his hands.
Janus ate dust when he crashed to the ground, metres from where he had been standing.
“DON’T TOUCH HIM,” Virgil ordered, his voice unnaturally deepened with fury.
Janus flipped to his feet. “Virgil—”
Virgil bared his fangs. “No.”
Janus’ eyes narrowed. “You are being reckless and—”
“No.”
Janus sighed. “I do not want to fight you, Soft Wings.” His voice was soft, and for a minute it seemed like the ever-present-since-childhood nickname would break through to Virgil. He hesitated. He looked at his brother and thought about what he was planning to do.
And then he caught a side of the blue and purple blood, sinking into the ground.
Soft Wings.
Kiddo.
Patient Angel.
Honey. Sweetheart.
Coward. City slicker.
Kiddo.
Angel of Practice.
Kiddo, kiddo, kiddo.
“Don’t worry, boss.” The first angel’s voice cut through Virgil’s inner mantra. He looked over to see her stagger, hand still covering her face, her lip twisted hatefully. “While you take care of your wayward brother, we will deal with the final demon.”
Virgil erupted with anger.
Literally.
At first, Virgil didn’t know what was happening, or where the blinding light, bright enough to rival a dying star, was coming from.
Then he felt something tugging at his skull, and his teeth and nails groaning in protest, spiking pain itching up through his spine.
When the light died down, Virgil raised his head to glower at Janus with elongated pupils.
His brother was frozen in place, like all the breath had been squeezed from him. The other angel had been knocked onto her back, and now one of her wings was twisted at an awkward, unnatural angle.
“Virgil.” Janus held out his hands beseechingly. Virgil fought the instinct that told him to bite off his fingers one by one. “What can I do?”
“What, still want me around?” Virgil snarled around his new fangs. “Want a demon for a brother?”
“I want you,” Janus breathed. “How do I get you back?”
Virgil raised his chin, power thrumming through his still-present wings. His long tail lashed. “You can’t.”
He knew he shouldn’t have been hurt at the heartbroken expression that flickered across Janus’ face. He had chosen this when he had ignored Virgil, when he had ridiculed him, when he had arrived at his new home where he was safe and happy and protected and slain his friends in front of him.
Janus smiling proudly down at him. Janus straightening their halos before leaving the house, his smooth hands making sure his bracelet wasn’t crooked. Janus laughing as his young little brother tried to do the same for his anklet, and only fumbled with it until he tripped. Janus introducing him to an angel with bright green eyes and toothy grin, announcing that he was their new roommate. Janus gently explaining that Remus had no family anymore, and the Ancient Angels had allowed him to live with them. Janus nodding approvingly when Virgil offered his hand to Remus, out of politeness and not joy.
“But.” Virgil spoke before he realised he had. Janus looked up, and Virgil suddenly saw how ragged his brother was. His feathers were matted from the blood that Patton had spilled, but they had been ruffled before he had even landed. His eyes were haunted, and tired, shallow shadows hugging the bags of his cheeks. He was tired, and stressed, and now gutted.
“But,” he said again, his voice more level. “If you can prove that you can fix your mistakes — if you find angels that are being outcasted, help them, give them a home and a safe place and somewhere where they aren’t suffering purely from the rules of the Ancient Angels. If you fight for angels who can’t fight for themselves. If you fight against injustice. If you make sure angels like him never find the same fate...” He pointed to Roman’s limp body and tried not to burst into tears. “Then maybe then, and only then... will I consider forgiving you.”
Janus visibly swallowed. “And then—”
“And then,” snarled Virgil, and Janus fell silent, “you will see how merciful I’m feeling.”
Janus clasped his hands behind his back, and Virgil saw how badly he was shaking. “It would have been more effective if you didn’t speak in apostrophes,” he said in a weak voice.
With a roar, Virgil striked forward, dark claws slashing along Janus’ face.
His brother staggered back, but he didn’t look betrayed or hurt. It was almost pitiful, how he looked like he understood Virgil’s behaviour.
“If you leave now, maybe I’ll let your little soldiers live,” he hissed. The other two angels were quaking as they stared at him. Janus, keeping his gaze locked with Virgil, waved at them with one wing, and they scrambled into the air, beating their wings furiously.
Janus opened his mouth. Virgil stared him down and he slowly shut it again. He didn’t say anything, only dipped his head — in understanding? Acceptance? Fear? — and turned, following the soldiers in a much more graceful manner.
Virgil watched with sharp eyes until they disappeared through the oppressive cloud cover above.
“Virgil?” a painfully quiet voice whispered. Patton slipped his hands into Virgil’s, and he promptly broke down. “Virgil!” Patton, alarmed, followed him to the ground, wrapping a warm arm around his back.
“I’m sorry,” rasped Virgil, his voice fading to barely above a hoarse whisper. “I’m so sorry, Pat, I...” In the corner of his eye, he saw Logan’s vacant gaze and Roman’s blue blood, and he broke off with a shuddering sob, his shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry.”
He heard Patton audibly gulp and wondered if his senses had been heightened or Patton was just remarkably close.
“It’s alright,” he murmured, warm lips pressing to Virgil’s temple. “It’s not your fault, honey.” Virgil choked, turning to bury his face in Patton’s shoulder. “They’ll be okay.”
Virgil didn’t protest. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He wasn’t in the mood for empty reassurance, or blind faith or hopeless dreams or misguided illusions. He’d had enough of lies.
He didn’t voice any of this. All that came from him when he opened his mouth was more sobs.
Patton continued to rub his back and press warmly at his side and gently hush him, which was all ridiculous because Patton was the one who was supposed to be sobbing and ripping up the ground and yelling at the sky.
Virgil trembled in Patton’s arms as the demon — though they were both demons, now, weren’t they? — stood them up and guided him — not towards the house, but to Virgil’s horror, Logan’s cooling body.
“I need you to help me get him inside,” Patton said softly. “Can you carry him?”
Virgil stared down at the blurry image of his friend through his tears. God, those beautiful eyes were not supposed to be that lifeless.
“Yeah,” he croaked finally. “Yes.”
Patton nodded, and for a brief moment, pressed his head to Virgil’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Virgil,” he promised emptily before pulling away and creeping over to Roman’s body like he was a startled animal and not a dead demon bleeding the colour of the Angelic Kingdom sky.
Virgil, after steeling himself, sunk to his knees and worked his arms under Logan’s body. He tried not to think about the warmth seeping out of his skin, and the wetness of his blood, and the way his chest wasn’t moving and eyes weren’t sparkling and mouth wasn’t moving in some random ramble about some vague scientific fact.
He swallowed another sob and stood, lifting the other demon easily in his arms. He wondered if he had always been so strong. (He doubted it.)
Something lashed behind him, and when he glanced down, he saw the tail — his tail — whipping back and forth for balance.
With another swallow, Virgil ignored it and moved to the house. He prompted the door open with his hip and Patton bustled passed him, walking awkwardly with Roman’s weight. Virgil averted his eyes and stared at the ground as he followed Patton up the stairs.
“Logan’s room is that door further down, just next to Roman’s,” Patton said, his voice still low. Virgil glanced over at him helplessly. Patton looked like he didn’t have the energy to even fake a smile. “Just put him in bed, kiddo. I’ll come and help when I can.”
Virgil tried not to frown in confusion. He wasn’t one to question demonic rituals, or ceremonial acts of a culture different to the one he was used to.
My culture now too, I suppose, he thought glumly. He trudged into Logan’s bedroom and looked around. It was far barer than Patton’s, or maybe just neater. Interesting looking scrolls were stacked in a corner. A map of what was presumably the Demonic Kingdom was hanging on the wall.
Virgil moved to the simplistic-looking bed and gently lay the prideful demon on the sheets. He was glad they were black, and the blood that would stain them wouldn’t be very visible. He wondered if demons didn’t bury their dead, but he couldn’t remain on that train of thought for too long because the idea of keeping Logan and Roman’s still, blood-soaked bodies in the house, just rooms from where Virgil slept, made him feel very, very ill.
Shuddering, he turned from the room and crept out. He peered into Roman’s room, where Patton was laying a red blanket over the lustful demon’s body, talking softly to him. Virgil remained silent as Patton sniffed and sat on the bed, almost curling up next to the body.
When Patton looked up without looking surprised, Virgil realised with a jolt that he had sensitive hearing.
“Sorry,” he murmured. Patton finally smiled, then, but it was small and still seemed a little forced. “I just, uh...” He growled under his breath, annoyed at how clumped his throat felt. Patton’s expression went impossibly soft and he stood, moving over to wrap his arms around Virgil’s ribs.
“It’s okay to feel things, sweetie.”
“I should have done something,” Virgil cried. “Logan even heard them coming — you all did! I could have stopped all of this if I had just—”
“Just what, love?” Patton interjected. “Taken the hit for yourself? Tried to explain to a trio of furious angels why they shouldn’t attack a group of scary-looking demons?”
“You’re not scary.” Virgil’s voice hitched. “None of you are.”
Patton’s smile widened, only slightly. Virgil rested his chin on Patton’s hair. “I’m glad you think so.”
They stayed like that for a while, leaning against each other, Virgil trying to calm himself and Patton trying to keep them both grounded.
“Well, I suppose we should get things ready,” Patton said finally, pulling away. “Once we’ve fetched some water, could you go and look over Logan? I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”
Virgil stared down at him, all bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks and clogged nose and throat.
“What are you talking about?” he asked, exhausted. “Patton, they’re—”
“Oh!” Patton cried, hands flying to his mouth, and Virgil sighed, waiting for the demon to delve further into his denial. “Virge, I— I’m so sorry!”
Virgil frowned.
“We’re demons,” Patton said, as is that explained every question in the universe. “We can’t die.”
Virgil suppressed a groan. “Patton—”
Patton waved his hands, shaking his head furiously. “No, no! Really! We regenerate, it just takes longer depending on the injuries.”
Virgil blinked, then blinked again.
“Logan and Roman will be fine, really! Their bodies just need time to heal themselves!”
Virgil’s breath vanished from his lungs.
“It’s okay, Virge,” said Patton. “They really will be alright.”
Sudden heat flooded back into Virgil’s eyes. “Oh,” he said in a small voice, then again, breathlessly, “Oh.”
Patton smiled, laughing quietly. “It’s okay, Virge,” he said again. “I’m sorry, I should have told you, or explained it, I just forgot that there’s some not-very-common knowledge between our kingdoms and I—”
“But— but you were so upset!” Virgil gripped the sides of his head. “You went ballistic!”
Patton winced, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you try watching your family die in front of you and see if you act so chivalrous.”
Virgil let out a final, whooshing breath and fell forward, pulling Patton and crushing him to his chest.
“God fucking damnit, Pat,” he said with a wet laugh, then quietened, pulling back to stare at Patton in the eyes. “This is the truth, right? You’re not in denial or going delusional from grief?”
“No,” Patton promised. “I’m telling you the truth.”
Virgil nodded several times, processing the information. “Okay.” He narrowed his eyes. “What do we need to do?”
Over the course of the next day and night, Virgil wiped the blood from Logan’s skin, finding it already knitting itself back together as time went on. He wrapped bandages around Logan’s neck (and then was able to remove them not a few hours later, the blood having stopped flowing) and washed the bed sheets until the water no longer ran purple.
Patton did the same, although multiple times Virgil caught him having another breakdown while he tried to help Roman. Virgil (privately, of course) cursed Fate for making him fall for such an emotional demon. On several of these occasions Virgil’s mind started to race, telling him that something had gone wrong, or Patton had broken from his illusion of a happy ending, or Roman’s wound had been too great for his body to recover from.
But then Patton would smile and reassure him that it just got a bit much sometimes, and Virgil would sigh, return his smile, and send him downstairs to take a break while he took over.
Most of the night was filled with this sleepless routine.
At one point, they managed to catch some quiet time together in Patton’s (their, Patton would correct him) bed.
Patton reached up to run careful fingers through Virgil’s hair and finger at his new ears, giggling when they flicked under his touch. Virgil allowed him to run his new tail through his hands, too, watching with amusement as the gluttonous demon beamed at this new development.
“A tiger,” he whispered, and Virgil’s eyebrows arched.
“What?”
“You’re a tiger,” Patton repeated, looking up. “Your eyes— your reaction when it all happened... and of course! The opposite of patience: you’re a Demon of Wrath.”
Virgil fumbled, a little, at this revelation.
“I don’t feel angry,” he mumbled. Patton smiled.
“Does Roman always seem to feel lustful, to you?”
“He did try and hit on me the first few minutes I walked through the door,” Virgil pointed out. Patton rolled his eyes with a laugh.
“That’s just Roman,” he said. “But it’s because you’re not a pureblood. You are a formed demon, not a birthed one. There’s nothing wrong with that. In our house, at least,” he added with a sly wink.
Virgil flushed. He blew a raspberry at Patton, who giggled and wiggled up to cuddle him.
“You’re gorgeous,” he said quietly. “A very pretty tiger.”
“I think sleep deprivation is getting to you,” said Virgil gently, guiding Patton’s head down to rest on his collarbone. “Try and get some rest. I’ll look after the menaces.”
“Alright, kitto,” Patton murmured sleepily and closed his eyes. Virgil didn’t have the heart to wake him up to demand what sort of pun that was.
That next morning, Virgil walked into Logan’s room to find the Demon of Pride trying to stand from his bed.
“Hey!” he barked, darting forward to grab Logan’s shoulders and shove him back onto the bed. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Logan had the audacity to give him an incredulous look. “Standing up?”
“After taking that sort of damage, fat chance,” Virgil snarled at him. “Lie back down.”
Logan blinked, then squinted. Virgil paused, feeling vulnerable under the scrutiny.
Though, then he suddenly realised his tail was flicking with anticipation and his ears had folded backwards in confusion, and he realised.
“I’m uh... I suppose I ran out of time,” he said, only a little sheepishly. “I’m a demon, now.”
“I can see that,” Logan said mildly, but Virgil could tell he was pleased. “I can’t exactly stay in bed all day, Virgil. Can you help me up?”
Virgil scowled down at him. “Do you promise to take everything slow and easy for the day?”
Logan sighed. “If that’s what it takes.”
Virgil thought for a minute, but seemingly satisfied, Vigil gripped his (now warm again) hand and helped him stand. To Logan’s complete credit, he barely even swayed. Still, Virgil couldn’t force himself to relax. He kept his grip firm but gentle on Logan’s arm and circled him. Logan stood still, looking mildly amused, and let Virgil finish his examination.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Virgil asked, leaning forward to squint at Logan’s face, thoroughly inspecting his smooth throat and bright eyes.
So when their lips knocked together, at first Virgil assumed it had been his fault, but then Logan’s expression morphed from dazed to horrified, and he took a step back.
“Apologies,” he said quickly. “I— that’s—”
Virgil didn’t know what his face was doing until his cheeks started to ache, and he realised he was smiling so wide his dimples were probably on full display (ugh).
He reached forward, sharp fingers lightly trailing the edges of Logan’s lips, which had previously just been pressed into a thin line.
“Feeling okay?” Virgil asked. Logan visibly swallowed, then nodded. Virgil pulled his hand back and Logan adjusted his shirt primly.
“Quite.”
Virgil grinned, and the tip of his tail twitched happily.
“Again, Virgil, my apologies, I—”
“Hey,” Virgil, fixing him with a patient look. “Do I look mad?”
“But— you and Patton—”
“Eh.” Virgil shrugged. “You’re all pretty likeable, for demons.” He shared a grin with Logan, who finally relaxed.
They both heard the thumping on carpet and the excited babbling long before Roman careened into Logan’s open doorway and stared, gaping, at Virgil.
“You weren’t kidding,” he said, and Virgil was almost confused before Patton came up behind Roman. “Oh my god, you really weren’t kidding.”
“I told you I wasn’t!” Patton laughed.
“Unholy SHIT,” Roman cried. He shot forward and circled Virgil, who glared at him challengingly and dared him to say something. He paused in front of Virgil and bit his lip, looking abashed. “Can... Can I...?” He gestured to the top of Virgil’s head.
Virgil relaxed and ducked his head compliantly. Roman attentively brushed over his ears.
“How does it feel?” Logan asked curiously. Roman pulled back and Virgil straightened. “Being a demon?”
“Yeah,” scoffed Roman, not unkindly, “you’re not the superior being anymore. How does it feel to be longer above us? I have to know, it’s for science.”
Logan shot him a bemused look. “How on earth does that have anything remotely to do with—”
“SILENCE, GUINEA-FOUL,” Roman interrupted. “Let the Siberian Forest Cat talk.”
Patton frowned disapprovingly. “Ro—”
He was cut off by a chortling snort, and with a surprise, they turned to see Virgil covered his face with his hands, laughing into his palms.
“S-sorry,” he gasped out, waving his hand, and shaking his head. After a moment he composed himself and smiled down at Roman. “That was terrible.”
It seemed it was a day of unusual behaviour: Roman didn’t act offended at this. He only grinned brightly.
Then his face dropped into a scowl and he crossed his arms.
“God, that’s so unfair,” he muttered. “You got to be a tiger. I’m just a goat.”
Virgil tilted his head, thinking about his previously private conversation with Logan. A smirk creeping along his face, Virgil decided: fuck it.
He leaned down and planted his lips firmly on Roman’s.
“I don’t know,” he said as he pulled back, grinning smugly at Roman’s stupefied face. “I think they’re pretty great.”
Roman’s breath shuddered as he inhaled. His smile was a little star-struck when he said, “R-right.”
Patton giggled and looped his elbows through both Roman and Virgil’s arms.
“I have to admit I am curious as well,” Logan said slowly, and Virgil wondered if they just weren’t going to talk about any of… ‘it’. “About your certainty of your decision — staying here, beneath the rest of your people?”
“They’re not my people,” Virgil said, and it sounded familiar to something he’d already heard. He shook his head. “They’re not even my family.” Patton looked horrified at this, but Virgil grinned and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him into a side hug. “You guys are.”
Patton and Logan smiled. Roman made a face. “That was cheesier than Patton’s puns.”
“Or sappier than your nicknames,” Logan countered, and Virgil sighed. Sentimental moment over, he supposed, as Roman bleated in outrage.
“Hey!”
Six months later
Virgil, realistically, wanted to ask for a single day of normality.
A relaxed day, maybe an uneventful one. Maybe where he could take a nap without the anxiety of the house falling to pieces without him around to keep the order. (Honestly, how had these morons survived this long without him?) A day of bliss.
Not one where Roman wanted to try cooking for a change and forgot about it, causing the fireplace to explode and almost burn down the house, or where Patton tried to cheer Logan up after his feathers were burnt from Roman’s food mishap with an endless stream of puns and bad dad jokes that made even Virgil groan.
So of course, it was on this particular disastrous day that Fate decided to mess with Virgil personally some more.
He was reading over Roman’s most recent work, having successfully achieved attention from some in-city demons after some of Virgil’s tweaks to his work. (When Roman had found that the potential publishers had disregarded their groundedness because of how much the work had improved, he had hugged Virgil so hard he was fairly sure at least two ribs had popped out of place.) The story wasn’t bad; Roman was obviously trying some new avenues, now that he was more confident that demons would consider looking at what he made.
He was just circling a word and suggesting a better alternative when he heard it: the flapping, signifying approaching wings, too large to be an animal, yet not big enough to warrant panic. Although, the fluttering around the edges of the sound, indicating wings made of feathers made a small pit of anxiety grow in Virgil’s gut.
The others heard it too, but Virgil was already standing and making for the door before they could say anything. Patton tried to call for him to stop, but he exploded out of the house just as Janus landed.
He looked as formidably professional as ever, not a strand of hair out of place, his wings perfectly folded at his back. Face an expressionless mask. Eyes carefully blank and unreadable.
The only thing different this time around, was the gashed scars slicing down the side of his face, trailing over his eye running down the side of his cheek to reach the edge of his lip.
Virgil glowered at him, hunching his shoulders. He unfurled his wings, the feathers unkempt and so dirty the white was almost black, now, but still as glorious and empowering as ever. He blocked the entrance of the house with them, keeping both his possessions in, and Janus out. (He could hear impatient bustling as Roman paced at his back, wanting to get past.)
“What do you want?” Virgil demanded. He heard shuffling behind him, and the sound of Logan’s tailfeathers brushing in alarm. Distantly, he remembered that he and Roman hadn’t heard his tempest tongue before.
Janus visibly composed himself. “You told me that once I had done as you required, I would-”
“I told you I would consider forgiving you,” Virgil spat. “Not that you could return here.”
Janus seemed to be at a bit of a loss at this, closing his mouth and blinking.
“Ah,” he said finally. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. “Should I... I suppose... I’ll... be leaving, then.”
“Good.” Virgil snarled, baring his teeth for good measure.
“Wait!” a little voice cried, and Patton burst between the doorframe and Virgil’s wing. The Angel of Anger gave him a chagrined look. “Wait, maybe— maybe we can hear him out.”
“Sure.” Roman scrambled out behind Patton, and Virgil sighed, exasperated. What was the point in trying to protect them if they didn’t get the hint? “Right after I dig something sharp into his back.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Patton, distressed, grabbed Roman’s arms.
“Let’s see how he likes it!” Roman snarled. “What if we slit his throat as well, while we’re at it?”
“Perhaps we should think this through,” Logan piped up. At least he was being sensible and staying behind Virgil, where it was safe. “I doubt he came here for a fight.”
“No,” said Roman fiercely, and he almost shaking, “but we can sure give him one.”
“Stop it,” Virgil growled, his voice losing its unnatural tone. Silence fell and he tried to swallow guilt. “Go inside.”
“What?” Roman demanded, whirling on him. “But he—!”
“Roman.” Virgil stared him down, unwaveringly. Roman growled.
“We’re not helpless, Virgil,” he said.
Virgil sighed and moved from the doorway, cupping Roman’s face in his hands. “This is less of me being worried about what he’ll do to you, and more of me being worried about what you will do to him. You are quite a formidable foe when you want to be.”
Roman squinted suspiciously. “Flattery isn’t going to get me to relax.”
“But it’ll make you listen,” Virgil countered smoothly, and Roman finally relented. He shuffled back, but Patton slipped his hand into Virgil’s and peered up at him.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked in a whisper. Virgil smiled down at him.
“I’ve got it,” he reassured him. Patton nodded and stepped back. Virgil’s palm burned as he strode forward.
It was strange. They were... together, now, all four of them. Apparently, the trio of demons had been before Virgil had even arrived, but despite Virgil having been head over heels for Patton first, the pair of them still hadn’t exactly... made moves. Virgil wasn’t sure why. He hoped it wasn’t something he’d done to make Patton second guess anything.
He shook those thoughts from his head. That wasn’t what he needed to focus on.
The glare he fixed on Janus made him blurt, without pause, “I came to see you.”
Virgil’s eyebrows arched. His blackened wings twitched. His tail swished warningly behind him.
Janus looked like he understood the unspoken message clearly: you see me, and I am a demon.
“I... wanted to inform you that—” Janus’ voice became a little uneven, and he cleared his throat and straightened himself — “that I did as you asked.”
Virgil glowered.
“Started to do as you asked,” Janus corrected himself. “It’s... a work in progress?”
Virgil tried not to let his surprise show on his face. Janus was smug, and cunning, and insufferable, and he didn’t ever show any sign of weakness, and he certainly didn’t act so unsure of himself.
“I approached... many other angels, and... the majority of the Ancient Angels have been confronted about the community’s... opinions.”
Virgil’s lip twitched in disgust and Janus winced. “They... have considered my suggestions of changing a select number of rules. I... have the heads of Humility and Abstinence aiding me. And Remus, too, of course. I think I can sway Head of Kindness with a little more time, too. Emile does not like me very much.”
Virgil realised with an inward jolt that his face had gone slack from his tight scowl.
He resisted the urge to clear his throat. There were countless things he could say. He could growl a deep, “Good.” He could bare his teeth and snap a sharp, “Get out.” He could snarl and slash at the other side of Janus’ face, give him a matching set of scars, and roar that he didn’t care what Janus had done or would do.
The truth was: Virgil could say a lot.
The truth was: Virgil said nothing.
Virgil stared at this angel and refused to admit that he really did just want to see him as his brother once again.
He stared at Janus and nodded once.
“You can... always return,” Janus went on. “There are rules about demons and angels coexisting, and I doubt I will be able to change those ones as swiftly, though... I believe I can be convincing enough for an expectation to be made.”
Virgil’s ears flicked.
“Remus misses you, I think.” Because of course, Janus wasn’t going to admit to any weakness, and missing someone was certainly a weakness. “You... know that you can return to your family, no matter what, right?”
Virgil narrowed his eyes as he said, “I am with my family.”
Janus’ face didn’t betray any emotions, and Virgil wondered if he had seen that coming, and had been prepared. For a long moment of silence, he said nothing. His eyes darted over Virgil’s tensing shoulder. Virgil’s ears swivelled to listen as Roman shuffled on his feet anxiously, and Patton’s hands brushed over his shoulder, and Logan’s feathers fluttering as he strained to overhear their conversation.
“So you have,” Janus admitted faintly.
Virgil lifted his chin. Similarly, Janus lowered his gaze.
“I... will return, now.” The angel stepped back.
A quietly cleared throat made Virgil glanced over his shoulder. Patton, between Logan’s curious eyes and Roman’s deep frown, made a face that Virgil couldn’t make out. He blinked uncomprehendingly, and Patton gestured, a little wildly desperate, to Janus, who had turned to leave.
Virgil almost ignored him. Almost said nothing.
But then he was blurting out a jumbled, “Wait.”
Janus went rigid, but he paused. He didn’t turn, and didn’t speak up, obviously waiting for Virgil to speak.
“You... you may return,” Virgil said haltingly. “Once... once there are... more developments.”
For a long time, Janus said nothing.
When he turned, it was only a slight tilt of his head. The scars on that side of his face glistened in the heat of the Demonic Kingdom’s landscape.
“Only for updates,” he agreed without a hint of bitterness or malice. “Understood.”
With that, he flared his wings and shot into the sky. Virgil watched until the clouds swivelling around his disappearing form and he vanished.
Well, Virgil thought in a voice that was almost painfully reminiscently Patton’s. That could have gone worse.
“Are you going to stand there all day, you striped shorthair?” Roman called, still obviously impatient.
With a jump, Virgil turned and returned to them.
“How did it go?” Logan inquired.
Virgil tried to think on that, but all that his mind provided was static.
Logan smiled and rubbed his arms reassuringly. “That’s a perfectly normal reaction, Virgil. Don’t worry.”
Virgil nodded. Another warm hand brushed against the side of his face, and he looked down at Patton.
“Are you okay?” Patton asked with that soft, light voice of his, those gorgeous, caring eyes staring up at him. Virgil decided that after a long time, he really was.
In answer, Virgil grinned, and kissed him.
#sanders sides#moxiety#analogical#prinxiety#LAMP#virgil sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#logan sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#long post#fanfic#tw: violence#tw: injury#tw: blood#tw: transphobia mention#fallen angel au#cross posted on ao3#more in-depth tw descriptions on ao3
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I Don’t Give a Damn About Your Reputation -- Chapter 7
[Bad Reputation (prequel) ao3 link]
[read this fic from the beginning on ao3]
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman “Princey” Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Characters: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman “Princey” Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Flirting, i am half asleep and can’t remember what my own fic is about so i’ll update these later lol, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sequel, Anxiety, Smoking, (very briefly i swear), Getting Together, Homophobia, Abusive Parents, Abusive Family, Bullying, Depression, References to Depression, Insomnia, Pet Names, Cute, Happy Ending, Alternative Universe - High School, Alternative Universe - Human, Kissing, Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Baking, Cookies, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Presents, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Years, New Years Kiss
Summary: While Virgil and Roman finally coming together wasn’t easy, staying together will be even harder. There are too many odds stacked against them. Their reputations, their families, practically the entire school. Virgil just hopes his own cheesy romance story has a happy ending, too. (YOU HAVE TO READ THE PREVIOUS FIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE)
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As much as he wished Roman could stay forever, Virgil was tired enough that he was almost relieved when he and Patton headed out. He gave Roman a peck on the cheek and received one in return, and even accepted a hug from Patton (which, Logan received one as well, and while his makeup covered his blush, his red ears gave him away).
Then he and Logan set off to cleaning up the kitchen (though Virgil had tried to insist that Logan go home and rest and leave it to him). The flour fight, as fun as it had been, had left quite the mess, and it took far too long to clean it up.
They collapsed next to each other on the kitchen island when they were finished, very similar to the positions they’d been in before Roman and Patton had shown up. Virgil had almost managed to doze off again when his phone vibrated and he groaned. He pulled it out of his pocket with a huff.
Pattatat tagged you in a post.
Virgil furrowed his brow, He assumed that was Patton. He hadn’t really paid attention to anyone but Roman when he made his account. Plus, what pictures had Patton even posted?
He quickly opened the notification and started scrolling through the post. The first few pictures were shots of the cookies they had made that day.
The next few were shots of the flour fight: Roman laughing mid-dodge, Logan looking determined while reaching for the flour, Virgil himself throwing a handful (his sleeves thankfully blocking the smile he knew had been on his face at that moment); Virgil covering his head and Logan with his back turned for protection as Roman pelted them both with flour; Virgil racing away with the bag of flour (the top of it just barely covering his smile, so it was fine), while Roman and Logan had their backs facing the camera, faces facing Virgil, as they raised their arms to protect from the assault.
The last two pictures were of them in pairs. One was of a smiling Patton, finger covered in frosting pulling away from Logan’s nose, which had a dollop of frosting on it that he was trying to look at, confused and slightly scowling. The other was of Virgil and Roman, leaning against each other while being completely absorbed in frosting the cookies in their hands.
The caption of the post read:
pattatat: Had a great day baking with the best, today! Happy Holidays, everyone!
Deeming them all safe enough to be online and not ruin him or Logan, Virgil liked the post and went onto Patton’s account to follow him. Logan hummed quietly, leaning over his shoulder to see. Virgil rolled his eyes.
“Give me your phone,” he said.
Logan looked at him. “Why?”
“Just give it.”
[read the rest on ao3]
#prinxiety#logicality#virgil sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#sanders sides#sanders sides fic#sanders sides fanfic#sanders sides fanfiction#reputation series#i don't give a damn about your reputation fic#my writing
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I’m new to the Brio fandom and just wanted to pop in and say how much I love your fics and all of your tumblr content!! It’s so fun to read especially in the off season. Can’t wait for more of your circumference/domestic Brio fic!
Welcome, anon! And thank you so much! You’re so sweet
And haha, I’ve had so many asks about the domestic Brio fic, so have the opening scene of Part 2 as a welcome-to-the-fandom present.
It’s a little long, so I’ve popped it under a cut. Hopefully the full thing will be up in the next day or so (it’s mega long, haha)
Lifting her ass off the chair in Rio’s office, Beth wriggles her cell phone one-handed out of the back pocket of her jeans. She’s still chewing on her lunch as she plants herself back down and opens up the Pinterest app, scrolling with her thumb until she lands on the jungle-printed wallpaper she’d saved the night before, holding it out across the desk towards Rio.
“So, this is what I’m thinking for Danny’s room,” she says, and when he doesn’t take her phone immediately, she waves it a little at him, coaxing.
She’s not sure if this has surprised him over the last few days – not sure if she’s able to truly surprise him anymore at all (honestly though, he seems to think she’s capable of anything these days, which he uses to praise her or provoke her, depending on his mood) – but since they’d told the kids the other night, Beth has slipped down a rabbit hole of decorating. Between packing and organising and researching the schools in their new district, to say nothing of work, she’s made a habit of collecting catalogues and ducking into outlet stores and scrolling through the sale sections of the Target and Cloud 9 websites, fitting their new home together in her head.
And maybe it hasn’t surprised him, but the urgency with which Beth has felt the need for it has certainly surprised her.
Because it wasn’t really in the telling of the kids exactly, not in the way Kenny had reacted, or the way Rio had called her his - - and god, she can still barely say it without turning eight shades of red. It was in the next day. It was in taking the kids to show them the house. Because they’d been - -
They’d been shy.
Gone was the confidence of the dinner table, the chatter and the seeming complete indifference to where they lived and who they lived with. They’d walked up their new front steps to the big empty house, and Danny had latched himself onto her leg as Jane had torn up the hallway. Emma moving so slowly she’d often seemed to barely be moving at all, her eyes wide and her lips parted, taking in every curve of ceiling and every vacant room with a tentativeness that Beth had never seen in her before.
It had been enough to make Beth search out Rio, but he’d been chatting too easily to Kenny, Marcus giggling over his shoulder as he’d given them their own personal tour of the place.
And just - - it’s the first time they’ve done this, she’d reminded herself, trying to coax Danny off her leg by walking him to the new family room and showing him where they’d keep his boardgames. The first time their idea of home has been forced to change, because even staying with Dean still just feels like visiting grandma, and Beth doesn’t know how she could’ve overlooked this, couldn’t have better prepared them for it, the guilt growing like a weed in her gut.
But she could fix it, she’d thought then, still thinks now. She could make it feel like home. Make it feel more like home than even their old one. She could do that for them.
“I’m thinking like, a dinosaur theme,” she says now, when Rio finally drops his wrap, wiping his hands on a napkin before grabbing her phone from her grip. “We can use this wallpaper as a feature, and then paint the rest of the walls green. I found these lamps at that outlet off Green Street the other day too where they have these cut-outs of like a - - what do you call them? The dinosaurs with like the - -” Beth gestures to the back of her head. “Like the bone there? It kind of looks like they’re wearing sad party hats? Para-something? Cut-outs of those guys anyway, and the lamp is on a little motor so it looks like the dinosaurs are moving around when you turn it on.”
She’s still building the room in her head – the duvet cover she’d found online, the rug from Ikea that Ruby had torn out of a catalogue for her, when she looks up to see Rio, his eyes still on her phone, his forehead furrowed and his lips parted as he shakes his head back at it. She squints a little at the expression, sitting up a little straighter.
“What?”
“Themes are for birthday parties, they ain’t for bedrooms,” he says, sliding her phone back across the desk towards her, and Beth blinks, half-scoffing, half-laughing.
“Themes are for - -” she flails a little, trying to think of a time themes don’t make things better, and finds she can’t think of one, so she settles on: “Everything.”
He arches an eyebrow at her at that, picking the wrap up off his plate again, adjusting the paper down and taking an enormous bite before he even graces her with a response. She’d picked them up for lunch from the deli he pretends he isn’t obsessed with on her way over from the dealership, some tiny hole in the wall that, to be fair, makes really good wraps (and sandwiches, but he still turns up his nose at those).
“Yeah? You wanna be stripin’ wallpaper for every new phase?” he says after he’s finished chewing. “What happens when he likes space instead o’ dinosaurs? When Emma likes horses more than ballet?”
“She already likes horses more than ballet,” she tells him, rolling her eyes, but neglects to mention the unicorn cushions she’s already bought for Emma’s room. “Besides, I seem to recall an awful lot of robots in Marcus’ room.”
“Yeah, figurines and shit,” Rio insists. “Which can go to his cousins or Goodwill when he’s done with ‘em. You think your sister’s kid’s gonna want a box o’ his lil’ cousin’s stripped wallpaper? You think any thrift store will? You’re spendin’ too much money on shit with an expiration date.”
Beth rolls her eyes, pulling the artichoke hearts out of her wrap (she really does hate them) and Rio holds his hand out expectantly, waiting for Beth to drop them in his hand. She does, and Rio makes a far-too-pleased sound as he pushes them down into his own wrap, down around the arugula, Spanish onion and the chorizo, his fingers coming out of it wet with aioli, and her face bursts into flames when he sucks them into his mouth, too focused on his lunch to notice her. Willing the red out of her face, and the sinking heat in her back up, Beth clears her throat, distracting herself by asking:
“What do you want to do with their rooms then?”
And he just shrugs.
“Keep it simple.”
It’s enough to make her snort, dropping her own wrap to gesture around his office with both hands.
“Oh, like this?”
And okay, so that’s not exactly fair. It’s not like his apartment isn’t incredibly nice, and he’d told her when he moved into this office that it was only for a couple of months (she’d discovered that his tendency to pick up and leave had extended to his offices, something that probably shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it had), and that he was here so little that there wasn’t much point in setting it up beyond his basic needs – a (very nice) desk, a couple of chairs, a powerboard, a low-slung bookshelf housing thick binders and a few archival boxes. The only real décor touch is the peace lily beside his desk which Beth had laughed at the irony of the first time she’d seen it.
Rio just replies with a look, finishing off his lunch in two more bites. His silence makes her shift a little in her seat, bite the inside of her cheek, her ears pricking instead at the sound of the warehouse outside – the steady flow of people, the clothes dryers whirring, the slicing of the counterfeit cash. Vaguely, she can hear footsteps, but thinks little of it.
“Hey, so, speaking of the kids,” she starts, and Rio eyes her warily, picking up the note of uncertainty in her tone, and god, she’s not sure why she is. She’s been thinking about this since they took the kids to the house after all. “I think maybe - - “
She’s interrupted by a knock on the door, spinning in her seat to look as Rio scrunches up the paper from his lunch and tosses it into the trash can by the bookshelf. The lack of response from either of them is enough for the door to open, and Demon to stand in the doorway. A look of slight surprise passes his face at seeing Beth there, and that’s enough to make Beth eye him more carefully. It’s not like Demon doesn’t know about them, hasn’t even made it pretty clear that he likes her as much as she’s surprised to have found that she likes him, that he approves, which can only mean that that look is because he’s bringing news he knows Beth won’t like.
His gaze finds Rio’s over Beth’s head, and she follows it back to see Rio tilt his chin up, telling him to go ahead.
“Cal’s booked,” Demon tells him after a split-second hesitation, and Rio nods, seemingly pleased, and dismisses Demon with a flick of his wrist, leaving Rio and Beth alone again.
The door has barely clicked shut when Beth turns her full attention back on Rio, squinting a little at him as he grabs his phone out of his jacket pocket and works his thumbs across the screen, typing out a text or an email. When he doesn’t choose to fill her in (shocking), Beth bites her tongue and asks:
“Who’s Cal?”
“Contractor,” Rio says, not even looking up at her, and Beth huffs out an annoyed breath.
“What’s he been contracted for?”
“Security,” he tells her, and that’s enough to make Beth frown, remembering the bruises on his knuckles when he’d come over to hers those few weeks ago, when they’d talked about money, before they’d found their house – that guarded, guarding look he’d had in his eye, the way he’d held himself. Something in her chest tightens.
“Is everything okay?” she asks, careful to keep the worry out of her voice, but she thinks he must hear it anyway with the way he looks up at her, his face deliberately relaxed in a way she knows he intends to put her at ease. He nods.
“It ain’t nothin’ you gotta worry about, yeah? Just precautionary.”
Beth bites the inside of her cheek, not quite happy with the answer, before she leans back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest, the last of her lunch forgotten.
“The kids,” she starts again, hoping the distraction might be enough to loosen her up, and Rio grins, amused at her transition. “I think we should spend some time with each other’s. Alone.”
It’s been on her mind even more than decorating the house has been – the seed planted by Kenny’s own uncertainty and then sprouted the next day at the house. Her own kids’ tentativeness had been hard, but she’d found herself tentative too at Marcus’ seeming confidence and independence – used to being uprooted with his father, she supposes, and the feeling that that unlocks in her feels best ignored for now – but how quickly he’d let her own kids overwhelm him. Beth had promptly realised that she didn’t know enough about Marcus to know if he’d needed rescuing from Jane’s boundless energy or encouragement to meet it – something that hadn’t been helped when Rio had spent the better part of half an hour on a tersely voiced phone call in the yard.
“What do you have in mind?” Rio asks, dropping his phone to the desk and leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms and mirroring her pose.
“I have to be out of my house on Saturday,” Beth says, and god, it’s Wednesday now, and there’s still so much to - - no, not the time. “And Dean’s picking the kids up for the two weeks on Friday afternoon, before they come back to m - - us at the new place. I was thinking maybe tomorrow you could take them to the movies. So they can get a bit more familiar with you before they’re living with you. They really want to see that new movie about the dogs.”
It had been the thing that had made the most sense to her. The thought of inflicting the four of them on Rio alone without strict parameters and at least three of them docile feeling a little too cruel for somebody with only one, perfectly behaved kid.
“The movies?” Rio replies, wrinkling his nose slightly, and Beth blinks, forehead furrowing in confusion.
“What’s that face for?”
“Don’t they spend enough time in front of screens?”
And both her eyebrows shoot up at that, something defensive growing in her belly, because that almost sounds like a parenting criticism, and she lets her eyes drift across Rio’s face, checking for a joke in his face, and when she finds none, casts her eyes down to his phone, lighting up on his desk, and then his laptop. He smirks a little at that, shrugging as if to say touche.
“Would you prefer something else?” she replies after a minute, her tone dry, and Rio rocks his head back and forwards, tilting his head down to look questioningly at the last of her lunch, and she pushes her plate towards him.
“I’ll think o’ somethin’,” he says, picking up wrap and taking a bite. “Pick ‘em up around 3?”
And whatever she’d been expecting him to say, it wasn’t that. She blinks, her irritation dissipating as she finds herself nodding.
“That sounds good.”
“Cool.”
“And Marcus?”
“He ain’t goin’ to his mom’s until Sunday night,” Rio says, and right, Beth thinks, sitting up a little straighter. They hadn’t talked about this – about the fact that Beth is staying at his in the week-long interim between handing her keys over to the new owners, and picking up their new ones. And of course Marcus could’ve been there too, it just - - hadn’t occurred to her.
“I got some business Sunday mornin’ anyway,” he says, and Beth grins at the implication, something satisfying about a plan being locked in settling warm in her belly.
“Sunday morning,” she echoes, and Rio meets her grin.
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Conveying Worldbuilding Without Exposition!
(As requested by both an anon and @my-words-are-light)
One of the hardest parts of writing speculative fiction is presenting readers with a world that’s interesting and different from our own in a way that’s both immersive and understandable at the same time.
Thankfully, there are a few techniques that can help you present worldbuilding information to your readers in a natural way, as well as many tricks to tweaking the presentation until it’s just right.
Four basic techniques:
1. The ignorant character.
By introducing a character who doesn’t know about the aspects of the world building you’re trying to convey, you can let the ignorant character voice the questions the reader naturally wants to ask. Traditionally, this is seen when the protagonist or (another character) is brought into a new world, society, organization. In cases where that’s the natural outcome of the plot, and the character has a purpose in the story outside of simply asking questions, it can be pulled off just fine. But there’s another aspect to this which writers don’t often consider:
Every character is your ignorant character.
In a realistic world, no person knows everything. Someone will be behind on the news. Someone won’t know all the facts. Many, many someones won’t have studied a common part of their society simply because they aren’t large part of that fraction or don’t have the time for it.
Instead of inserting an ignorant character and creating a stiff and annoying piece of expository dialogue, find the character already existing in the story who doesn’t know about the thing being learned.
2. Conflicting opinions.
A fantastic way to convey detailed world building concepts is to have characters with conflicting viewpoints discuss or argue about them. Unless you’re working with a brainwashed society, every character should hold their own set of religious, political, and social beliefs.
Examples of this kind of dialogue:
“The goddess Irelle would never ask for such a sacrifice! That’s a blasphemous addition to the sacred texts that only a damned cultist would propose.”
“The new lamps in the cockpit might give off a funny light, but they’re entirely recyclable! Think of all the dumps we wouldn’t need back on Earth if everyone would just switch over. If we’re ever going to successfully repopulate the planet, we need to stop polluting it further!”
“This is a peaceful country, yes, but one build on blood and stolen land! If you left your worthless barn more often, you would see that. The rest of the empire is not as placated as you think.”
And as a nice bonus, the reader gets to learn something about the characters beliefs, how they communicate, and how open-minded (or stubborn) they are.
3. Historically and culturally significant places and objects.
Characters bringing up worldbuilding topics out of the blue can feel forced and disruptive, but giving them a reason to talk about a specific topic helps soften the blow. Strategically places buildings and objects can ease the conversation into historical, religious, scientific, or political discussions. Things like:
Religion: Temples, holy books, idols, imagery, religious leaders out for a walk, worshipers praying or singing.
History: Monuments, statues, ancient buildings, historical artifacts (likely replicas), culturally significant designs that arose from mythology, historical fiction novels.
Science: New inventions being installed or tested out, academic buildings, seminar announcements, advertisements, hospitals.
Politics: Propaganda, reminders to vote, new laws being put into practice, angry citizens, protests, war preparations.
(Note that many of these things could also be applied to magic systems!)
4. Ignore explanations entirely.
Sometimes the best way to convey how a world works is just to dive straight in. Let the reader learn about the world by watching the main character interact with it.
This method is also a great way to start out writing your first draft, because there will always be time to adjust and add in stronger explanations for things in later drafts.
Alternately, you could go for the opposite first draft method, and write exposition for everything during your first draft, and then cut it down the the bare necessities once you start editing and rewriting.
** Scroll up to point one to check for an update!
A long list of things to remember:
- Dialogue is better than internal monologue. Whenever possible, let your characters talk about something instead of thinking it through. This eliminates daunting chunks of text and allows the reader to learn more about the other character(s) in the conversation, and the character’s relationship(s) with each other.
- Sometimes you still need internal monologue. Don’t be afraid to slap in some extra sentences of explanation when the PoV character is in a position where they’d naturally think about such things. You can always take them out if readers say they understood without the addition.
- Not everything must be known upfront. Don’t force any concepts on your reader unless the reader absolutely needs to know in order to understand the current chapter.
- Build your worldbuilding. Each concept and piece of information should build off what you’ve already establish. This means you give the very simplest concepts first, and develop them further as the story progresses.
- Use linguistics in your favor. To help your readers remember new names and terms, try giving related objects, places, ranks, etc, similar sounding words or an otherwise consistent naming scheme.
- Keep the first chapter pure. Little to no exposition should be included in the first chapter, whenever possible. That being said, readers who were immersed in the first chapter and are eagerly starting the second are now much more likely to sit through exposition because they’re already connected with the story and characters.
- Immersion is good. (Drowning is bad.) Set your first chapter somewhere the read gets a decent view of what sort of world this is at its foundation. A lone character walking through the forest could live nearly anywhere, in any era, in any type of world, with any number (or lack) of friends of family. A character and their sibling leaving a steampunk pseudo-Japanese theater pressed up against the same forest says a lot more.
But remember: not everything must be known upfront. Don’t try to introduce so much of the world that it becomes overwhelming.
- Little details say a lot. Things like architecture, curses and slang, styles of dress, typical food, even the objects a normal person carries with them, can all give major hints towards the worldbuilding, and they serve to make the world feel more real and immersive.
- Emotion is everything. How does your character feel about the world?
How to they describe the parts of it they love? The parts they hate?
What do they find scary about it?
Are they intrigued by advances in technology and society, or do they cling to the old ways?
Are they attracted to old toppling buildings with historic significance, or to new, beautiful constructs?
Do they sneak past the market eagerly searching for imports from distant countries, or do they make a beeline for the family owned business that’s sold homecooked pies on that street corner for seven generations?
- Different genre, different expectations. Every genre has a different ‘norm’ for how much detail (and exposition) is acceptable in the worldbuilding. Hard science fiction and adult fantasy tends to involve huge amounts of lengthy explanations, where as young adult fantasy and soft sci fi are far more immersive, occasionally to such a point that you can get away with underdeveloped worlds. Know what’s expected in your genre (though don’t necessarily feel the need to follow it.)
- Unique isn’t always better. In spec fic there’s a myth the most unique and original worldbuilding will be the most successful. But the truth is that, while you should certainly include original concepts, the more of them you have and the more original they are, the harder it will be to make the reader understand them. Readers will try to relate every piece of worldbuilding to something they already know. If they can’t find anything else similar enough, they’re likely to either never understand it, or contort it to better match something they do understand.
- If your PoV character doesn’t need to know it, neither do the readers. This doesn’t mean you should never include information your PoV character doesn’t need to know, but rather that you shouldn’t try to shove in a detail about the world just because you have it written in your notes. If it’s not necessary and it don’t come up naturally, don’t force it.
- The PoV character is the center of the world. Each character will see the world you created differently. The things they focus on, the opinions they hold about it, and the emotions it makes them feel will all be unique to that character. They aren’t simply a person living in a vast place you know a lot about, but rather a filter through which to put all the worldbuilding information through.
- Critique will save you. Worldbuilding is hard, and it will never be conveyed perfectly the first time. When you let people read your work, be sure to ask them specific questions about the worldbuilding. Having a reader describe your world in their own words will tell you a lot about whether or not you succeeded in immersing them in an understandable world.
For more writing tips from Bryn, view the archive catalog or the complete tag.
Purchase Bryn’s debut novel, Our Bloody Pearl, today!
#writeblr#worldbuilding#writing asks#writing tips#writing help#writing advice#writing resources#writers#writers on tumblr#world building#writing tag: worldbuilding
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Without You Is How I Disappear - Frerard
*New more ao3-like format Read it on ao3 By PagebyPaige
Summary: I read an amazing fic that I thought was a mcr reunion fic that ended up being heart-shattering angst. Long story short, I decided I would rewrite the fic myself and end it the way I wished it had ended.
Word Count: 1139 Chapters: 1/? Language: English
•Fandoms: My Chemical Romance •Rating: Teen and Up Audiences •Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply •Categories: M/M •Characters: Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Bandit Way, Ray Toro, Lindsey Way - mention, Mikey Way •Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frerard - relationship •Additional Tags: (Abbreviated version) Angst, Fluff, Angst with Fluff, mcr reunion, Resolved Angst, Attempted Suicide, tagging is hard
It was the worst thing that ever could've happened.
The only thing keeping Frank alive was gone, and now it was killing him. If things didn't get better today, Frank was going to die.
Every day for weeks, Frank kept the same mantra. If things didn't get better, he would die. So far, he was getting closer and closer.
He'd gotten so bad that he decided to fly out to California. If he didn't make things better, Frank would die.
Frank kicked at the dust beneath his feet where he stood at the front door of his best friend. Some best friend he was, someone who didn't even return Frank's calls anymore.
Finally, Frank knocked gently at the white-painted door. Who was he kidding? Gerard had a family, a daughter. He wouldn't want Frank back in his life. Of course, Frank had to be right.
"Oh, hi Frank." Gerard looked older now, his fiery "Danger Days hair" faded to a dark orange. His tone was clearly annoyed, exactly what Frank feared.
"S-sorry, am I interrupting?" Frank cursed himself for stuttering.
Gerard sighed. "It's fine, Frank. Just, what do you want?"
"I was just wondering if you, um, wanted to reconnect some time? I haven't seen you in a while..." Frank trailed off. It was a stupid idea, anyways. Gerard had a life, a solo career. He didn't need Frank.
"Sorry Frank. It's just that, well, I don't think that it's a good idea for us to be friends right now." Not even friends? Frank thought back to the fierce kisses, the screaming lyrics, him playing until his fingers bled. They were so close, and now they couldn't even be friends.
"Oh, okay. Well, um, bye then."
"Frank." Gerard stopped him. Frank let himself hope. "If you have some time, there's a nice little soda fountain type place, really cute and all, and you should probably hit it before you leave town."
"O-okay, I'll check it out."
"Bye Frank."
"Bye Gerard."
Frank left, feeling worse than when he got there. They one man who could fix him had somehow made him worse. If things didn't get better, Frank was going to kill himself.
Frank thought back to the past five, no, six years since he had lost the band. He had tried to make music on his own, but so far that was failing spectacularly. He couldn't play a guitar without thinking of Gerard's perfect voice singing the vocals it should've been matching.
The truth was, Frank was just as upset about the breakup as the fans, though they didn't know that, of course. He hated it. He hated everything. The band had been his everything: it was a distraction from all of his many flaws, his failures. Gerard had survived alcoholism, addiction, attempted suicide, everything because of the band, but suddenly now he couldn't stand to be around Frank anymore. Frank thought Gerard had needed the band as much as he did, but apparently not.
It was probably just another thing Frank had fucked up. Still himself, Frank did everything Gerard asked of him. That meant he did indeed visit the soda fountain, which was of course in a drugstore. Sitting on a stool on the far end of the counter, he was left alone. If today didn't get better, he would kill himself. He looked around at all the different pill bottles lined up neatly on shelves. Any variety of things in there could've been deadly. On a whim, Frank picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Scrolling past all the familiar names, Frank reached one he hadn't looked at in a long while. If he was going to die, he might as well indulge himself. Frank hit call and raised his phone to his ear.
"Frank?"
"Hey Ray."
"Hi Frank. What can I do for you?"
"Are those cars in the background? Ray, if you're busy..."
"Well if it's urgent Frank..."
"No, no. It's not a problem. I'll call you back later?"
"Sure thing. Why don't you call Gerard? I'm sure he'd be able to help with whatever you need, unless it's guitar chords." They both laughed, but Frank wasn't sure if he was laughing at Ray's comment or the absurdity of his question.
"Sure, why not. Bye Ray."
"See ya, Frank."
Frank clicked his phone off and sat quietly, musing to himself. Maybe he would call Gerard. If today didn't get better, Frank would die.
The first time he tried, Gerard didn't even pick up. Feeling desperate, Frank tried again. And again. On probably the third or fourth time, Gerard finally answered.
"Frank, for God's sake. You need to stop calling me, I said we shouldn't talk right now!" Without a word, Frank hung up.
Frank knew he shouldn't have bothered Gerard. He was just generally a failure. He had stopped taking his meds because they weren't working. He stopped picking up his guitar because he no longer found joy in playing. He knew, secretly, the only thing that would fix him. He still loved Gerard, and the band. He needed both if he was ever going to be okay again. Just like so many of their fans, the band had saved his life. Just like every teenager ever had said, the band understood him.
Frank took out a pair of earbuds and scrolled through the music on his phone. Yes, he had My Chem in his music. How couldn't he? Playing it on stage or listening like a fan, Frank needed the music. This time, though, the music wasn't enough for him. He still felt the aching in his heart because they weren't going back in next week to record the new material, they weren't going back on tour in a few days. MCR was done, just like Gerard said.
Suddenly angry, Frank yanked the earbuds out of his ears. His throat was tight; he didn't trust himself to speak. Frank made the decision: today had gone to shit, and he was going to die. He walked out, almost in a daze, and got back in his car. He drove in vaguely the direction he came from, stopping only when he reached a bridge.
He got out and walked. There was no question to him that he deserved this. He only joined the band because he thought the lead singer was cute, after all. He was only in the band because they needed an "extra guy" to help out Ray. Frank wasn't necessary. He meant nothing to the guys, and they didn't need him. Gerard denied all rumors of them being together after it had ended, although Frank's feelings were still very clearly present.
Frank reached the side of the bridge, and climbed up the side railing. As he stood, teetering on top, he brought back his worst fear. Gerard never loved you.
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10169528/chapters/22590992
#frerard#ao3#fanfic#my fic#mcr#my chemical romance#frank iero#gerard way#paige finally posts again#this might be the best thing I've ever written#angst#cliffhanger#it gets better I promise#its resolved angst ok?
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