#same for the apple sauce packets

[natandacat]

Doing a pem timeline for internal medicine tomorrow and its fucking bleak... my baseline visibly worsens every year lol and the worst phases of pems are so bad to describe i literally am sitting there like oh ok. This is embarrassing. Yeah im too fatigued to do survival body functions 💯

But don't worry covid is just a flu. Who cares if my body is gone!

[weaselle]

i seem to always have a comfort drink. Like my baseline comfort drink is coffee -- even when i've been homeless and in the rain, or derailed mid travel plan and stuck in place with no idea what to do, if i can get a cup of coffee, i can have some small amount of feeling okay and like i have agency in my fate.

But coffee is just the baseline, i usually have some other drink that occupies the top spot of the day (actually more like of the month or season)

Not so much this winter but the two winters before this, my comfort drink was actually just any spicy broth (i particularly liked spicy shrimp like the ramen packets but without the noodles and i'd add a bunch of sriracha - like, a LOT a lot - or a broth made from chicken stock but proper simmered the chicken bones for a few hours stock, also with a bunch of hot sauce or cayenne)

Right now my comfort drink is a cup of this tea

with a packet of this

but you don't have to use the whole packet, you just use it as sweetener and add basically as much as you would add sugar or honey - i usually add about half a packet and it's still pretty sweet, tonight i wanted something as sweet as hot chocolate, so i used the whole packet, and it is hitting *chef's kiss* but i'm not always in the mood for so much sweet

with the tea bag, not only is the drink more delicious than the apple cider alone when using the whole packet of cider, but you never thin out the spiced flavor of the apple cider too much to taste good, because you've got the spice base sorted already, so you can really control the sweetness to your liking without sacrificing flavor.

I've also quite enjoyed the same thing with this tea

as well as liking it with a lemon zinger and a black "chai" which in the states seems to mean black tea with like, pumpkin pie spices (you know, allspice, clove, cinnamon and i always put a little ginger in my pumpkin pies too, anyone else?)

there's probably at least a dozen other teas in any big grocery store that would go good with apple cider too.

Hot Chocolate?

For that i go straight to the spice drawer. Start by making sure you include some milk or half and half or something, if microwaving you can mix half a mug of water and half of whole milk, or you can do like 1/4 mug of half&half or cream and just mix it with the water and mic it. That's where i'm coming from i'm not talking super gourmet by any means. But for all the gods' sake put some milk, even rice milk or almond milk or coconut milk in there to give your hot chocolate some bones.

Sorry, i mean if you just use water the hot chocolate will always feel too thin and unsatisfying, and you'll find you're trying to fix it by adding more and more of the powder until it almost becomes a syrup and then the chocolate taste is a bit strong by then. But if you have a cup of fats and proteins and natural sugars and things to start as your base, you get a drink that feels big and thick and rich and filling the way hot chocolate in your fantasy is. Or whatever, i don't know you, maybe you like watery thin hot chocolate as a hydrating drink while playing ice hockey or something who knows. Personally, sometimes i'll just straight up use a mug full of half & half or use a bunch of heavy cream if i'm feeling particularly decadent.

regardless, what i recommend is: you grab your instant cocoa powder of choice, and before you put it in your preferred liquid you mix at least a couple of these other powders into it.

a dash of cinnamon a sprinkle of nutmeg a dusting of powdered ginger a bit of ground cayenne a pinch of salt

You can do it per mug or you can premix your whole canister of hot chocolate.

For me, the cayenne and salt are mandatory. Huge difference, the salt really plays up the chocolate flavor and while ideally you probably don't actually taste the salt, but even if you put in enough that it's a little salty, the effect is like salted caramel. Like, sometimes i do it on purpose. And cayenne and chocolate is just one of my favorite combinations ever. So.

BUT! i've also had good results starting with a mug of whole milk and brewing in a bag of something like this

before adding plain instant hot chocolate (and l little bit of salt)

anyway, my little drink recipe fiddles

[feyburner]

hey man do you have any banging cinnamon recipes

Yes! Below are my recipes for Monkey Bread and Gooey Cinnamon Rolls.

They use the same enriched dough for a base. You can also use this dough for cinnamon babka, other types of sweet rolls or buns, etc.

Also here’s some recipes I want to try:

- Brown Sugar Cinnamon Shortbread (made this, it rocked)

- Cinnamon Roll Focaccia

- Pumpkin Cinnamon Sourdough

- Coffee Cake (King Arthur’s Recipe of the Year!)

Also check the giant apple pop tart thing I made in a recent post tagged “food” it was so good.

MONKEY BREAD

MAKES: 1 bundt pan (if no bundt pan, use 9x13” pan)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH

3 ½ cups (420g) AP or bread flour

2 ¼ tsp (1 packet, 7g) instant or active dry yeast

1 cup (227g) full-fat milk, warm

2 Tbsp (25g) sugar

2 Tbsp (28g) butter, melted

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp kosher salt

CINNAMON SUGAR

½ cup (100g) white sugar

1 Tbsp cinnamon

BUTTERSCOTCH SAUCE

1 cup (200g) brown sugar

½ cup (113g) butter

1 tsp salt

¼ cup heavy cream or evaporated milk

DIRECTIONS

In a large bowl (or the bowl of a stand mixer), whisk together yeast, milk, and sugar. Cover and let sit 5 minutes until frothy, then whisk in butter, egg, and salt.

Add flour and mix for 2-3 minutes to form a very moist, sticky dough.

Let dough sit untouched in bowl 5 minutes so flour absorbs moisture. After resting, dough will pretty much immediately be smooth and workable instead of too sticky.

Transfer dough on a clean, floured surface. Sprinkle flour over the top. Knead, dusting lightly with flour as needed, until dough is soft, smooth, elastic, and springs back to form in 2-3 seconds when poked, 6-7 minutes.

1st Rise: Cover and let rise 1.5-2 hours until doubled in size.

Near the end of 1st Rise: Grease a bundt pan. Combine cinnamon sugar ingredients in a bowl.

Make butterscotch sauce: In a saucepan, combine brown sugar, butter, and salt. Bring to a boil over medium heat, whisking frequently. Turn off heat. Slowly pour in heavy cream (it will froth and spit). Stir until smooth. Put back on the heat until it reaches 240°. Then set aside.

Once dough is risen, pinch off bits the size of donut holes. Roll each dough ball liberally in the cinnamon sugar, then drop into pan. Halfway through, pour ½ of the warm butterscotch sauce over the dough balls. Reserve the other half. Sprinkle any leftover cinnamon sugar over the dough balls at the end.

2nd Rise (Proof): Cover and let rise until visibly puffy, 20-30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°. Once dough is proofed, pour remaining ½ of butterscotch sauce over the top. Shake gently to make sure sauce sinks to the bottom.

Bake 35-40 minutes until top is a deep golden brown.

Let rest in the pan 15 minutes. Then carefully flip monkey bread onto a large plate. (If you remove too early, the sauce will be runny. If you remove too late, it will stick instead of coming out easily.)

Serve warm.

NOTES

- Butterscotch is just caramel but with brown sugar instead of white.

- Many recipes use a simple butter and brown sugar sauce, but it can result in a grainy, crystallized texture. Add cream and heat all the way to 240° to get a gooey, silky caramel texture.

GOOEY CINNAMON ROLLS

MAKES: 12 rolls (1 x 9x13” pan)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH

3 ½ cups (420g) AP or bread flour

2 ¼ tsp (1 packet, 7g) instant or active dry yeast

1 cup (227g) full-fat milk, warm

2 Tbsp (25g) sugar

2 Tbsp (28g) butter, melted

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp kosher salt

FILLING

1 cup (200g) brown sugar

½ cup (113g) butter, very soft

2 Tbsp cinnamon

optional: 1 cup chopped walnuts

+

½ cup heavy cream or full-fat milk, warmed right before rolls go in the oven

optional: Vanilla Glaze (1 cup powdered sugar, 1-2 Tbsp milk, 1 tsp vanilla. Stir until smooth.)

DIRECTIONS

In a large bowl (or the bowl of a stand mixer), whisk together yeast, milk, and sugar. Cover and let sit 5 minutes until frothy, then whisk in butter, egg, and salt.

Add flour and mix for 2-3 minutes to form a very moist, sticky dough.

Let dough sit untouched in bowl 5 minutes so flour absorbs moisture. After resting, dough will pretty much immediately be smooth and workable instead of too sticky.

Transfer dough on a clean, floured surface. Sprinkle flour over the top. Knead, dusting lightly with flour as needed, until dough is soft, smooth, elastic, and springs back to form in 2-3 seconds when poked, 6-7 minutes.

1st Rise: Cover and let rise 1 hour until larger (if not doubled) in size.

Make filling: Beat all ingredients together into a smooth, dark paste.

Roll out dough: On a clean, floured surface, roll out dough into a large, ½”-thick rectangle about the size of a baking sheet, 12x17”. The thickness is more important than the size.

Spread filling over the dough in an even layer. Leave ½” of space at the edges, and 2” of space along the bottom for easy sealing. (If using walnuts, sprinkle over top.)

Starting at the top, tightly roll up the dough lengthwise. It helps to start in the upper corner and go sideways first, then straighten out. Roll tightly to avoid gaps. Pinch the dough to seal along the seam.

Using a large, sharp knife or unflavored dental floss, slice the roll into 12 pieces. If they get a bit misshapen, just pat back into shape as you go. They don’t have to be perfectly round.

Proof: Arrange the rolls in the pan. Cover and let proof for 30 minutes until puffier.

Preheat oven to 375°.

Pour the warm cream or milk over the tops of the proofed rolls, letting it pool in the bottom of the pan.

Bake the rolls for 25-30 minutes until the tops are golden brown.

Let rest in the pan for 15 minutes before removing. If using Vanilla Glaze, drizzle over the rolls while they’re warm but not hot.

NOTES

- Same dough as Monkey Bread. I’ve experimented with richer enriched doughs (most recipes use more sugar and 2 eggs in the dough) but I tend to find them too cakey. I prefer a soft, almost stretchy, bready cinnamon roll.

- Pouring warm milk over the rolls before baking = soft, moist, and gooey.

- I’ve found that baking at 350 takes too long for the tops to get golden brown. I go for a higher temp (I’ve gone up to 400) to avoid overbaking.

[rubykgrant]

Rvb characters having a big harvest dinner together-

Church; F*CK thanksgiving, it's stupid, and turkey isn't even that good. We can do a big meal, but we're not having turkey. I like chicken, I'm making a chicken

Wash; Is that gonna be enough, though?

Church; FINE, I'll make TWO whole chickens, plus I'll get a big pack of legs so everybody can have one without Sarge trying to make a monster chymera-bird. I'll also get those thin-sliced chicken breasts for Caboose, because he likes dried-out bird meat for reasons I don't understand, but WHATEVER, I'll cook it all with the same seasonings

Wash; Still might need more meat. What about a ham?

Church; No, the rest of you can have ham for that OTHER holiday you're all obsessed with. If we need more, I'll... I'll make a pot roast. Happy now?

Wash; If it's too much trouble, we could just order some food, or go out to eat...

Church; NO! I am making roast chicken, with olive oil, broth, garlic salt, cracked peppercorn, parsley, dried chives, rosemary, and chopped shallots, and a pot roast with a tri-tip, with butter, a packet of stew mix with more garlic salt and pepper and chives added, golden potatoes, baby carrots, celery, and red onions! I'm gonna use the broths from the chicken to make the gravy, and then I'll make a TON of mashed potatoes and stuffing, but I'm not putting the stuffing IN the chicken, because that's stupid as hell and doesn't even work I don't care what anybody says, I'm just doing on the stove! I'm also gonna make sauteed zucchini squash and yellow crook-neck squash, and green beans, and three kinds of corn off the cob- golden corn, peaches and cream corn, and sweet silver corn! I'll make a big oven roasted vegetable tray, with more of the golden potatoes and baby carrots, and also mushrooms, yellow orange and red bell peppers, red onions, cauliflower, asparagus, with salt and pepper and rosemary and thyme! I get a can of jellied cranberry sauce and fresh cranberries, then mix it all together, I'll make spiced peaches with cinnamon and nutmeg and ginger! I'll do a pig pot of wild rice with butter and shallots mixed with the chicken broth! I'll make TWO apple crumbles with oatmeal, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove, a big pumpkin pie cheesecake, and a chocolate pudding pie! IS THAT ENOUGH?

Wash; Yeah, that sounds really good

Wash (to everybody else); Hey guys, Church is gonna make us all dinner!

Church; Wait. WAIT. You all need to help me, dammit! I hate peeling potatoes!

[delphoxqueen]

Just watched a video about Tumblr food concoctions so now I must impart the wisdom of the worst food I’ve ever tasted upon y’all.

It’s third grade. You’re sitting at your table eating a regular PB&J sandwich. Your lunchroom is under a church so you enjoy the few times when people can talk and not sit in awkward silence for whatever wedding/funeral is going on above you- when suddenly you hear people at the table behind you cheering. You turn to see what’s going on and behind you, you see your distantly-related friend Brianna mixing cups of fruit sides together. You can’t exactly tell *what* she mixed; but it looks like cherries, pineapple slices, and apple sauce. Basically a zhuzhed up fruit cocktail.

The table of children around her begin to chant “Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!” Before she tips the black plastic container that she’d mixed it in into her mouth. The children applaud.

You think “I can definitely do better than that.” Not because you hate Brianna or anything, you just like attention. So you look around at what you have. Pretty much your entire lunch (Chocolate milk, an orange, and a PB&J) had been eaten by this point. And the cafeteria line wasn’t open anymore. Tainting the chocolate milk would be near sacrilegious because you always have to have some kind of drink to wash down whatever awful flavor you’re about to force yourself through. There’s nothing left of the orange except a peel, and you’re not an animal so you’re not going to eat an orange peel. So it’s just the sandwich.

But just a PB&J wouldn’t be anything special, not when you have to top eating… three different kinds of fruits mixed together! So you inspect your surroundings.

Up near the front of the cafeteria there was a little picnic table with whatever you’d need as a topping or condiment. Large pump bottles of ketchup, mustard, and ranch dressing plus a few other things. Ah yes. This is it.

You turn back to your classmates and shout “I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!” Feeling like you were about to get some ABSOLUTE WORSHIP from these other 8 year olds.

So you walk up with your tray in hand, the anticipating chattering behind you, and start going to fucking town on this condiment table. Two pumps of ketchup, mustard, ranch, mixed with two mini packets of salt and pepper before you go back to sit down. It wasn’t much, but that’s all you had.

You get back to your seat and sit back down, only to realize you had nothing to eat your condiment mix *with*. Because obviously you can’t just go face first into a mix of random shit on condiment table. You have to take it one step further.

So, inspecting your tray while dozens of children are egging you on to start eating this mildly gross mix, you return to your PB&J. Of course you don’t want to ruin your entire perfectly good sandwich with your layered mix. Did I forget to mention that you didn’t mix this? This is just layer upon layer of random condiments.

You rip off the crusts of your sandwich, figuring that that’s the worst part anyway so why not care that it’s ruined? But plain bread crusts aren’t bad enough of a dipper, so you make sure to get extra peanut butter and jelly on your crust of choice and hold it up for your table of onlookers to see.

They bang the table in unison and as they chant “EAT! EAT! EAT!” With a few boys wretching seeing the shit you were about eat for absolutely no gain whatsoever.

You dip. And you eat.

It’s sour and savory and way too salty and you realize that you hated mustard and it’s sticking to the top of your mouth and you taste all of it mixed together and separately at the same time and the crust is kind of stale so it’s not doing any favors. You manage to swallow it for about two seconds before running to the bathroom to puke.

But damn that minute of people cheering for you felt like fucking crack.

Ok yeah maybe it’s not *the worst* thing anyone’s ever had to eat. And I’d probably eat it over having to drink Delcym ever again.

[moviesludge]

if you don't mind me asking, what's the diet? i need to get my shit figured out because i eat garbage nonstop. ugh.

It's tough. I think more and more often about how my gout is sort of a blessing in disguise because it FORCES me to eat healthier.

Short answer is that I think metabolism is playing a significant part and that it's probably more about what I'm not eating than what I am, but here's what I eat:

Breakfast:

Option 1: 1 packet of quaker instant low sugar oatmeal and coffee. If I'm particularly hungry I'll add a chobani greek yogurt cup and/or an apple (or lately 2 applesauce cups)

Option 2: 2 or 3 scrambled eggs (I cook them with non-hfcs ketchup), same optional add ons. I've been having this more often since my dental stuff.

Option 3: cereal with same optional add-ons (typically either honey bunches of oats or raisin bran). (I've been avoiding cereals since my dental stuff though)

Lunch: If I eat lunch at all, I usually just have something that will sate me if I feel hungry, like a greek yogurt or a banana or some peanuts and raisins or something. I often only eat two meals a day though. Peanut butter & honey sandwich on wheat will kick your hunger in the dick and is a healthier option than a lot of things.

Dinner:

Option: Campbells chunky chicken noodle soup (or instant ramen) and a grilled cheese

Option: frozen cheese raviolis cooked in pasta sauce

Option: basic pasta/starch & protein meals: Meat loaf with mashed potatoes/mac n cheez with chicken/homemade frozen burger and fries/frozen chicken strips and tots

Things I was eating that I'm not eating now: Candy/chocolate, chips, ice cream, cookies, cakes, muffins, all fast food (Taco Bell & Jack in the Box are the most common typically), all sugary drinks except coffee.

[clovesnz]

You guys really good pro tip if you are able to splurge a bit is to buy baby food packets when ur sick and struggling to eat. They are like apple sauce but more nutritious. Also even though they are pricier than apple sauce, they are cheaper than the “shelf stable smoothies” you can buy marketed at adults and are literally the same thing

[youdoyoucooking]

Calm Down and Cook Every Single Meatloaf

Basic meatloaf should be in everyone’s “recipes I know without looking up the actual recipe” collection. It opens the doorway to so much more and it strangely impresses everyone. Meatloaf is really just the evolution of Country Pâté (also known as Terrine De Campagne). Fancy! It is also the dish I order to judge the quality of a diner (just like I judge Mexican restaurants by their salsa). But Meatloaf is also something so easy to make at home. A meatloaf dinner also sets the stage for a meatloaf sandwich the next day, and who doesn’t love that? Meatloaf can even evolve into meatballs and then into Swedish Meatballs (so you don’t have to find yourself an Ikea).

Meatloaf can be made from almost any ground meat, eggs, and a few breadcrumbs. The seasoning can be any flavor profile or nationality that is ringing your bells at the moment. There was a trend of packaged dry Onion Soup mix instead of salt and pepper. Still a traditional and solid option. I think everyone has a packet of taco seasoning in the back of their spice cabinet, perfect time to use it. Meatloaf can be served hot or cold. It can be stuffed with almost anything, from cheese to pickles, to asparagus. Your friends will think you won the James Beard Award for Best Chef. Don’t be afraid. You’re in charge, not the meatloaf. Meat “loaf” can be done in a loaf pan or, if you prefer the crispy outside bits, shape it free form on a baking dish in an oval shape. I can remember my Mom once forming a meatloaf in a heart shape on Valentine's Day. I thought she was a magician. 

This is what meatloaf can do for you. What can you do for meatloaf? Here is a basic recipe that can be used as a springboard for endless variations. 

Basic Meatloaf

2 pounds ground meat.

1 egg

½ small onion (finely chopped)

3/4 cup milk

1 cup plain dried bread crumbs

1 teaspoon of Salt 

½ teaspoon of pepper 

½ cup of Any BBQ sauce

Instructions:

Let's start with the base. Combine all the ingredients except the BBQ sauce in a large bowl. Mix until it is evenly combined, this is your meatloaf base, your basic meatloaf. Shape the mixture into an oval loaf on a greased baking pan or in a greased loaf pan. Bake at 350°F for 45 minutes. Remove the meatloaf from the oven, spread the BBQ sauce all over the top, and bake for an additional 10-20 minutes until fully cooked (check to ensure internal temp is 165°F). Total cooking time will be about 60 minutes whether you are using the BBQ sauce or not. Allow it to rest for 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Now, let's have fun and start coloring outside the lines:

First, why BBQ sauce? If you’re not in the mood it can be swapped out for ketchup, or sweet chili sauce, or eliminate that step completely. Not a big deal.

A basic meatloaf with 2 pounds of meat should serve 8 people. In reality, I think, it serves 6 but you should have in your head that it will serve 4 people because you are a normal human being and are going to want to have meatloaf sandwiches for lunch tomorrow. 

Any ground meat will work so look in your freezer. You can use 100% ground beef or go with the classic combination of beef, pork, and veal. If you struggle with veal that's Ok. Skip it and use 50% beef and 50% pork. On the other extreme, venison is also a tasty choice and gives a slightly gamey taste. If you want to try 100% ground pork here’s a tasty idea: stir in ½ of a finely chopped apple into the meatloaf base. Just remember, you’ll need a total of 2 pounds of meat. But this can be plus or minus. 2 ½ pounds is fine, just remember you will need another 15 minutes of cooking. The same goes with using only 1 ½ pounds of meat. The cooking time will be about 15 minutes less. Check the internal temperature with a thermometer and look for 165 degrees. Kitchen thermometers are a lot more accessible, affordable, and a solid purchase. They are a great tool to have and will give you the confidence to experiment with basic recipes.

If you decide to use ground Chicken or Turkey you will see that it is “wetter” than other ground meat so you will want to increase your breadcrumbs to a total of 1½ cups. Chicken and Turkey can also be very lean. A good solution for this is to lay a few slices of bacon across the top (also, because it’s bacon) as this will add fat and flavor, a couple of pats of butter along the top works nicely too.

Herbs: fresh or dried. Do you have a favorite herb? A teaspoon of dried or a tablespoon of chopped fresh is a great way to experiment with taste. Something as simple as chives and parsley will go a long way to flavoring your base. If you are using ground lamb, try rosemary.

Of course store bought breadcrumbs can also be replaced with homemade crumbs from leftover stale bread (I do not throw things away lightly). Tear the stale bread into 2-inch chunks and pulse in a food processor. “Pulse” is when you turn your processor on and off several times so you can really chop something up finely without it turning into a paste. Make a bunch of crumbs all at once and freeze the leftovers for another use.

If you only have “Italian” breadcrumbs then, maybe skip the salt because that comes already salted. Are you all about the Italian-flavored bread crumbs? Try adding flavors that will enhance that profile. A little dried oregano, garlic powder, crushed garlic, and a pinch of hot pepper flakes are great. Any or all of these can work. A ½ teaspoon of each work but you go with your intuition, you can add more or less. Parmesan cheese (up to ½ cup) is an easy addition if you have some lurking in the back of your fridge.

Now, open your horizons and truly look around your kitchen. Do you have any vegetables that are moments away from the compost pile? Chopped them up well. They can go in the meatloaf base and stretch the dish in a very inexpensive way (just don’t use more than 25% chopped vegetables in the mix. If you do, the meat will lose its ability to hold its shape and the loaf falls apart.). My Mom would do this with sad floppy carrots, celery, and mushrooms. These all work well and add to the flavor.

Next, stuffed meatloaf. If you go this route, you are going to want to add 10 minutes to the initial cooking time and make it 55 minutes. Take about  ⅔  of whatever meatloaf base you decide to make and lay it on your baking sheet or loaf pan (whatever you are using). Form a trough (trench, channel, hollow) down the middle with your fingertips. Spoon in your filling and then use the remaining ⅓ of your base to close it up. Once this is done, dip your hands in some cold water and smooth and close any openings the loaf might have. You can fill your meatloaf with whatever you fancy. A good way to start is 4 to 5 ounces of frozen chopped spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry. Spinach can be combined with any cheese (mozzarella is fun). Try sauteed mushrooms and green peppers. Go crazy, use corn mixed with a couple of spoonfuls of salsa, and call it “Southwestern”. A row of peeled hard-boiled eggs would be very French. Serve while wearing a beret. A stuffed meatloaf has so many possibilities, no one is stopping you and will earn you endless accolades.

Tiny Little Balls of Meatloaf or as I call them - Meatballs.

Take your same basic meatloaf base and shape the mixture into 1½ inch size balls and bake on a cookie sheet for 20-25 minutes at 400 degrees. You can line the cookie sheet with foil or parchment paper for easier cleanup. If your base mixture feels too wet to shape nicely, add a couple of tablespoons more of breadcrumbs.  These can be served on pasta with any sauce you enjoy. Premade, store-bought brown gravy has a place in this world and combined with meatballs and served on egg noodles is a guilty pleasure of mine. If you stir a little Dijon mustard and sour cream into the brown gravy you are very close to a Swedish meatball. Serve them with a scoop of lingonberry jam and pretend you are Swedish. There’s always a meatball sub to be made with those meatballs (also a grinder, hoagie, or hero) and they freeze well.

Meatloaf is an excellent basic recipe and can be adapted once you have the confidence. What are you craving? Would it fit into a meatloaf? Did you want to sneak vegetables into your family's diet? You can do this. Remember the meatloaf police aren’t at your door.

[thiscatastrophe]

More ideas (I am not a vegetarian, but I have a farm portion and love veggies):

-Spinach salad. I don't like lettuce much, but I do enjoy baby spinach. Top with strawberries, feta, vinaigrette for something sweet and tangy; dried edamame, sunflower seeds for crunchy.

-Gomae is a great way to eat a lot of spinach if you dont like it raw. You just need to blanch it in water and add a premade seasoning packet, which you can get at Japanese food stores.

-Tomato toast: slice of nice toast, Dukes mayo, slice of fresh tomato, salt and pepper on top. Very umami, very simple. Low spoon food for if you like tomato flavor but would rather not eat a tomato alone.

-Fried squash. Slice yellow squash into rounds, dredge in beaten egg, then coat in breading (I use half panko, half cornmeal, seasoned with some combo of salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, paprika of any sort, ginger powder, turmeric, etc). Deep fry in veg oil. Force a friend to help you to cut the work down, make a fuckload and gorge. Extremely good with chipotle mayo.

-if I top a pasta with bacon, I like to make the bacon on a sheet pan on the oven (420F for about 10 minutes), then slice a zucchini into rounds and roast them in the bacon fat for about 15 minutes on the same sheet pan. All of it goes great on cavatappi, penne, macaroni noodles, etc. With any sauce, but I prefer pesto.

-Zucchini bread. It uses up a wild amount of zucchini, is very tasty, very moist. Add a little butter if you like, but it honestly doesn't need it. The Joy of Cooking recipe is my favorite.

-Another Joy recipe: Morning Glory muffins. Uses up a bunch of carrot and apple,and is made in whole wheat flour (good for you). Extremely tasty.

-You can make your own pickles if you like pickles, and it's way cheaper than buying pickles. All you need is cucumbers, white vinegar, salt, sugar, mustard seed, black peppercorns. Dill and garlic optional for dill pickles, apple cider vinegar and celery seed optional for bread and butter pickles. Google any fridge pickle recipe that strikes your fancy, fridge for 3 days and enjoy. If you like them hot, add a pepper of your choice, halved, plus seeds, and give it a little extra time. Will heat up the longer you leave in the pepper.

-pickled beets are very polarizing, but for some folks (like me), they are extremely nostalgic. Roast beets in foil in the oven for 1 hour until knife soft and the skins are hand peelable, then follow a fridge picked beet recipe.

-Japanese curry is a great way to hide veggies. Get a roux block and whatever veg you can get your hands on (try potato, carrot, onion, bamboo shoots, water chestnut, turnip, radish, apple, broccoli, zucchini, etc). Serve with rice, ramen, fufu, or nice bread.

-Glazed carrots. Google a recipe--very sweet, soft, comforting.

-Mashed sweet potato. Creamy, sweet, holiday bliss.

-Stuffed jalapenos. Mix 1 part cream cheese to 1 part shredded cheddar, season how you like (again, I recommend paprika), stuff in a halved, hollowed jalapeno, wrap with bacon, bake until soft. Perfect spicy bar food.

-Super low effort: get a steamer bag of mixed veg (or canned mixed veg), dump into prepared mac and cheese. Slightly more effort: fry canned or frozen corn in butter in a skillet, incorporate.

I get a number of simple recipes from my CSA (ukcsa.wordpress.com). Theres a menu for seeing all recipes that use a particular veggie. If you have a safe veggie, scroll through its listing and find more ways to use it. Since everything is in one list, you can search for other safe ingredients, or for unsafe ingredients.

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.

[therisingscholarzpost]

How the Homies Are Introducing Spreads to Campus

A spread ain’t just something to eat—it’s survival turned ceremony. A ritual passed down through hard time and harder days.

But not all time is the same. County jail and prison are different worlds, and that shows up in the spreads, too.

In prison, if you're fortunate enough to get a package or hit the canteen, your options open up. You might chef up something seafood-based—shrimp ramen with spicy lime, oysters, clams, imitation crab, shrimp meat. Add a lil’ crunch with chips or some tang from hot sauce packets, and you got something that reminds you—you’re still human.

But in county jail, it’s a whole different game. Canteen is limited, sometimes nonexistent. You’re working with what they give you on the tray. Beans. Chicken from a dinner. Maybe bologna—if you’re desperate. Mayo packets. Ketchup. Mustard. Soy sauce if you're lucky. Apples from a sack lunch to sweeten up the tuna. It’s not fancy—it’s resourceful. It’s survival in motion, crafted with creativity, hunger, and heart.

What makes a spread sacred isn’t just what’s in it. It’s who you share it with.

Inside, we broke bread with those who had our back. Sometimes folks couldn’t chip in—but they still got a bowl. Because that's what real ones do. That’s what solidarity looks like behind those walls.

And now? That same love is showing up at California campuses.

Recently, I was scrolling through Instagram and caught a moment that hit me deep. Some Homie Scholars at Mt. San Antonio College were making a spread—in a see-through trash bag, just like back in the day. But this wasn’t behind the wall—this was out in the open, at a college event. Students and faculty gathered around. No judgment. No shame. Just curiosity, respect, and real ones breaking bread.

Man, I don’t even know if “happy” is the right word, but I felt moved—grateful, proud, seen. Watching the homies lace up the onlookers, giving them game—sharing not just how we make spreads, but why. The history. The struggle. The love behind every packet of seasoning and scoop of beans. And to see folks listening, learning, leaning in?

That was healing in action.

Because making a spread ain’t just about feeding yourself—it’s about feeding your people. It’s about saying:

“We ain’t invisible no more.”

“We’re here, and our culture is real.”

“This is what community looks like—unapologetic, rooted, generous.”

A spread is built from scraps, but it holds stories, memory, and meaning. It’s communal care served warm. It’s nourishment, and it’s a declaration—that even in the most stripped-down spaces, we found ways to take care of each other.

And now we’re doing that same thing on the outside.

Still taking care.

Still building family.

Still making something out of nothing.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Why are Cigarettes and Alcohol on every corner store but not other drugs?

And Caffeine and workout supplements disguised as energy beverages. And over-the-counter medication.

You know; despite those things carrying the negative stereotypes of being stupid and/or angry.

Many times has the argument been made that it is *more* profitable to fix the symptoms and not the disease.

Yet nothing really seems to change as those arguments fall on deaf ears.

So what is the difference between *hard drugs* and *soft drugs*?

Well Drugs like Marijuana have a tendency to last longer than other drugs. And not only does it last longer; it has the ability to compare a person's thinking.

This is one of the reasons the Military suggests that it's members abstain from all drugs *except* alcohol.

If you drink too much alcohol you might be hungover the next morning. But if you eat a whole hashbrownie; you could be down for several days.

This is also why Doctors tend to avoid giving opioids like Oxycoton to younger individuals. And just letting them suffer on ibuprofen after a major surgery or getting their wisdom teeth taken out.

This is rivaled by Fentanyl. A synthetic opioid. Which is super-effective in very small doses, and being easy to carry disguised as one of those "Do not Eat" oxygen absorbed packets you might find in a pill bottle.

This means it's all but impossible to stop a person from smuggling a large amount. No longer do they need to carry the comically large "Bricks of Cocaine" we see across our screens in buddy cop movies.

One pill of pure Fentanyl has hundreds of doses. And would probably be fatal if you swallowed it. So our current war on drugs just can't keep up.

And this all circles back to the *More profitable to treat the symptoms* thing above. Motrin, Advil, and Tylenol are a billion dollar business. And while we won't see them go away; they do ensure that their over-the-counter drugs will be able to find their studies into better drugs.

Which we haven't seen in many many years. So how effective is all that R&D really? (Research and Development) It's not like brand name drugs work better than generic anyway. They're the same drug, with maybe time-release effects.... Which we've had for about a hundred years already.

Nothing new.

Because of the nature of home grown drugs; that is we don't use them in small enough doses to avoid that *high* that people are looking for.

We have no idea how to use them in the same ways we use blood-thinners and Motrin.

Not only that; Because of the illegality of schedule-1 Drugs; illegal drug business had been working to make drugs smaller and easier to smuggle for generations and generations. Resulting in Fentanyl in the first place.

This is why hash-brownies are so strong today.

Different marijuana strains can be like Apples; Granny Smith for pies, Honeycrisp for sweetness, generic red for sauces.

But we've grown towards the cyanide equivalent. Cyanide is in every apple seed. And it's poisons that we consider lethal AND to serve that high and painkiller effect were want in those drugs.

So an Apple equivalent of marijuana today would just be one big Seed with lots and lots of THCs.

Note; cyanide *will* kill you. Do not eat it.

But again; marijuana can have painkiller, stimulant, and that high effect(s).

This has come around *because* of the war on drugs. There isn't a way to get *just a little bit* of an effect like we see with sweet and sour Apples.

And since that single fentanyl pill can be hidden anywhere without detection. No smell, can't scan for it... Near impossible even if we take planes completely naked.

Not without a fascist state anyway.

[alex51324]

Okay, I am back with my sausage report, from a Big American Grocery Store.

The big news is that there are some beef sausages that are not hot dogs! They were all in the category that I think of as hot-dog adjacent--and, in this particular store, are literally right next to the hot dogs--but they are not hot dogs. Here are two kinds:

And then these, which are even more hot-dog-like:

The top row right, there, is also beef; it's just hard to see because of the reflection. It's the hot and spicy version of the one where you can easily see the word "beef." Those four kinds are absolutely it for beef, though, out of the store's extensive sausage selection.

Here's the section where those four kinds of beef sausages were found:

Most of what's in here is pork, with a selection of turkey and chicken options. Turkey sausage is generally considered a healthier alternative that attempts to duplicate pork sausages, while chicken sausage is likely to be it's own thing, with special flavors and ingredients, like apple or tomato basil. The ones in the boxes at eye level on the right-hand side are chicken, and you can see that they're visually distinct and a little fancier-looking. The turkey ones are packaged the same as their pork counterparts, with green on the label, because in the iconography of the US grocery store, green means healthy.

This, for reference, is the Hot Dog Zone, to the immediate left of the above:

Again, quite a few beef options there, including your Hebrew National in the top row.

To the right of the dinner sausage area up there, there's a section of cold cuts/deli meats for sandwiches, and then to the right of that, are the breakfast sausages:

Everything here is pork, except for the ones with the green labels that say "turkey." (I'm not sure about the green roll, on the left in the row directly above the bacon. Might be turkey, might be pork sausage with sage.)

Incidentally, those plastic rolls directly above the bacon are the only ones that have an inedible casing. Everything else that has a casing, it's an edible casing like everywhere else. And we usually do eat the casing, if the sausage is being eaten as-is or on a bun. But sausage is also used in recipes a lot--especially casseroles and soups--and loose sausage is common in those applications.

Here's the rest of the breakfast meats section, which contains a few additional kinds of sausage, along with some miscellaneous:

It's out of frame in the picture, but the top row of this section has some packets of creamed chipped beef--the only beef in the breakfast meats area.

So that's it for sausage...that is stocked in the cured-meats area.

Over in the fresh meat area, we have all of these:

All pork here, with some chicken sausages out-of-frame on the right. The top row includes this loose sausage:

which, as previously noted, it for recipes. The stuff in the plastic rolls in the breakfast sausage section is probably about equally likely to be sliced into patties and fried for breakfast or used in a recipe, but this stuff is mainly for cooking with--lasagna, pasta sauce, that kind of thing. Of course, there's nothing stopping you from shaping it into patties and frying it to have with your eggs or pancakes; it's a free country, but it would be unusual.

Here's smaller packages of recipe sausage:

This company has also been trying to push some novel versions of their loose sausage for recipes lately--I remember seeing a soy and ginger one, at some point. I don't see it here, so they may have given up on that idea.

And next to that we have some additional stock of breakfast sausages, in case you forgot to get some over on the opposite side of the store in the cured meats case:

Here, again, we've got the links, patties, and the roll.

And we still aren't quite done! Over in the frozen foods area, we have a few more sausage options:

These are pre-cooked breakfast sausage, that you just have to heat and eat. These are mostly pork or pork-turkey blends, and some all-turkey options with the green labels. The upper right corner is chicken breakfast sausage, which is unusual.

"Every language is valid, regional dialects are a normal and natural part of the evolution of language even on a national scale, the names that other English-speaking countries give things are just as valid as yours" I say to myself through gritted teeth as I listen to Americans describe breakfast foods

[yokohungry]

Saturday board game dinner with my friends who now have food restrictions and Im Japanese and everything is shoyu sugar! Oh no! 😂😂😂

Diabetic "okazu" which is sorta not that because no rice. 🤷‍♀️ idk, is it just "food?" Wwwww

Garlic (not allium, specifically garlic) free too because thats an allergy as well. 😅😂🫠

Not shown was the massive- totally not sugar free choco cake we also had. 😅

Cooking ramblings below.

Tuna patties: drained tofu and a drained can of tuna with diced long onion. Seasoned with salt, pepper, tamari and a bit of oyster sauce. Probably the could just omit it... the drastically reduced amount really had no flavor impact.) Binder was an extra egg, i did add 3 or so spoonfuls of panko...... but also probably could have omitted it.

Oh so dry. Orz Tasty but dry. The panko and egg binders really help. Maybe try with oats.

Tofu poke: pan fried firm tofu, chilled then tossed in sesame oil, tamri, salt, sweet onion and diced long onion.

Chicken rolls: Gah. Chicken breast is such a nightmare! Simmered vegetables rolled in a butterflied and pounded chicken breast. Rolled and slow cooked in a covered pan. Simmered in the dashi sauce with tamari and monkfruit sweetener.

THE DRIEST CHICKEN I HAVE EVER MADE. I normally would make this with thighs and made the mistake of using the same time as I would for it.

Monkfruit sweetener is the best tasting sugar substitute. No weird aftertaste. That starting menthol feeling still exists, but is gone after cooking.

Stir fried vegetables: All the leftover vegetables I had cut and half a head of cabbage. Salt, pepper, tamari.

Rolled egg: Ive been making more of the korean style rolled egg as it's savory. Diced up carrot and diced long onion.

Simmered kabocha: bonito dashi from a packet. Not ideal, but the sugars used is negligible. Tamari and a splash of mirin.

I still have half a kabocha left. Maybe I'll make scones with it?

Apples and soybeans as extra sides and snacks.

My very cursed sounding onigiri of cauliflower rice with tapioca starch as a binder(the sticky parts of rice) idea was not met with affection. I am unloved. 😅😅😅

Leftovers made for a very good bento.

[oliverstarkfame]

"i don't know but will we see. do you know how much i can't wait to take the boys around central park? that will be so much fun, taking photos in the park, getting ice cream, kicking around the soccer ball, i can't wait teach them how play soccer, it will be so great." he was talking a mile a minute about all the stuff he couldn't wait to do with the boys. he wondered if the feelings he was having were the same ones that Karlie did when she started to ramble about them. if it was he totally got it now.

Oliver gave her a kiss before he headed out to the kitchen to grab the snacks. he grabbed the apple sauce packet and refilled his water bottle before he made his way back to the room. "Eli, look what i got, some apple sauce and some water. oh yum yum." he smiled at the little one who was all changed. Eli reached his hands out for Oliver and his heart finally exploded.

he picked him up and handed him the apple sauce. "be careful with the apple sauce, don't squeeze it." he smiled as he looked over at Karlie. he was very proud at how Eli was in his arms eating his apple sauce. being an uncle never really gave him the pure joy that he had right now with a kid that he was sure was going to become a very big part of his life.

"you'll probably understand it more than i did. i'm sure they'd enjoy it. Eli always loves a good walk through the park so it wouldn't surprise me if they'd both really enjoy a walk through the park with you." she beamed, a walk in the park, their perfect little family, that thought was making her extremely excited. it was like a dream come true. she just couldn't get over how great that thought was for her. and she was sure that it would come sooner than she originally thought.

She just knew that when Levi came home that he was just going to simply adore Oliver, and all the presents that the two of them had gotten him. It was in this very moment that she missed her eldest son the most. she was more than excited to have him home and probably more excited for the little one's birthday than he was. but these days would fly by now that he was here with her. it always did when he was around. that was the thing about being happy, it always seemed to make the time go by so much faster no matter how much she wanted to be in the moment and have time stop.

seeing how happy her baby boy was she smiled and looked at Oliver long enough to see that he was practically glowing with happiness and excitement himself. "There's some ez squeeze apple sauce packets in the pantry, you can't miss'em. i'm good though, once i get him changed i'll start on dinner his dino nuggies only take about twenty minutes but i've got a good steak dinner that i'm going to throw together for us." she smiled and laid the little one back on his little changing table. he wasn't too far off from being potty trained but she was grateful that she kept him in a diaper most days for just incase. and she knew that she wouldn't have the thought process to keep up with his potty breaks while dealing with Levi and Oliver and just everything else. she had felt like she was going crazy.

[psycheterminal]

Teas I like

Hot teas:

Earl Grey

Sleepytime

Green tea

Jasmine green tea blend

Rooibos/red "tea."

Lavender oolong

Chamomile, well honeyed.

Peach/mango black or white tea

Black-rose tea (rose petals and/or rose hips)

Iced Teas

Boil 4 orange pekoe bags in a sauce pan in about 4 cups of water until black. Add 2/3 cup sugar and ice into container of choice. Pour hot liquid into container, stir until sugar fully dissolved. Fill, fridge overnight. Variation: Replace one bag with mint or other herbal teas.

Same as above, but with 3 Earl Grey tea bags, 1 bag lavender or rose tea. Do not use organic honey with this, unless you REALLY like floral flavors.

Steep either version with slightly smooshed berries of choice, strawberries, blackberries and cherries work the best. Raspberries will also work, but blueberries don't work very well.

Stir in rhubarb jam as desired while hot as sweetener

Green tea with chamomile, half and half.

"Caddyshack" half-and-half variations*

Arnold Palmer: Make tea, as usual. Add half to lemonade.

Use 1 packet tea-peach tea will work! and 1 packet lemonade of any kind of off-brand Crystal Light for sugar-free enjoyment.

If you don't have the lemonade of that type, just use a gallon's worth of lemonade mix, or it'll taste weirdly thin.

Lime is an interesting take on the genre, especially with ginger lemonade, but it's very intense.

Boil the water with strawberries or cut apples of the more tart or strongly flavored versions. Pink lady is a favorite for this.

Note: I call it Caddyshack because Arnold Palmer licensed his name out to Arizona teas only. Caddyshack is an alternate name for the drink.

[angstama]

apple tree | chifuyu.m

pairing: chifuyu matsuno x reader

genre: angst, slow-burn, unrequited love, pining, fluff, chifuyu doesn’t love you that way :( 

warnings: as usual, heartbreak coming ahead <3

✧. in which you look back on the times that chifuyu had been the highlight and heartbreaker in your youth. 

you were five when you first met chifuyu matsuno under the big apple tree one summer day. 

head deep into bending the fragile weeds into a flower crown when a blonde haired boy with the prettiest ocean blue eyes approached you. “what are you doing?” he asked curiously, licking his already melting chocolate ice cream while looking at the imperfectly balanced flower that you had spent hours on crafting in your hands. “making a flower crown.” you answered simply, not even sparing the blonde haired boy a glance as you were too focused in tweaking the branches. 

“woah that’s awesome!” he beamed in excitement, plopping down next to you instantly and leaning in closer to take a look at it. “yeah i know right!” you smiled in triumph, finally looking up to see whoever was showing interest in your little hobby and behold, there sat chifuyu in a rainbow striped t-shirt with his legs crossed and eyes gleaming with interest.

 in all honesty, your flower crowns were horribly ugly, but in chifuyu’s eyes it was uniquely you. perhaps it was maybe because he hadn’t seen anyone making an actual flower crown before or perhaps maybe he was just feeling sorry for the girl who always sat alone under the big apple tree that never bloomed a single fruit all year round. whichever it was, you wished that it was the first. “teach me how to make one please!” he grabs your wrist, causing your cheeks to burn under the scorching hot sun and heart rate quickening though you were clueless as to why it happened being only at the age of five, so you decided that it was okay to have him around. 

strangely ever since then, you were never seen alone under the apple tree in the park again. 

you were nine when you first understood the concept of crushes, with the help of your best friend, chifuyu matsuno of course. 

“it’s when you want to share the biggest chicken drumlet with them dummy!” chifuyu explained, voice muffled from stuffing his face with fried chicken one after another. you weren’t sure how the two of you derived at the current topic, though you remember the last you checked, chifuyu was rambling on and on about the new girl in your class. “so, you’d share this with whoever you have a crush on?” you asked as you pointed towards the biggest drumstick that chifuyu had saved for the last, as always. 

he nodded impatiently, grabbing the very same drumstick and ready to devour it but only to come to a halt when the two of you locked eyes. “want some?” he offered, waving the fried chicken in front of you. “wh-what?” your words fumbled, taken aback by chifuyu’s sudden offer right after the whole sharing of the biggest chicken drumlet explanation he had just made. “you kept staring at it. do you want it?” he asked, with innocence laced in his voice, oblivious to the shade of red slowly making an appearance on your cheeks. you huffed, “am not!”. chifuyu only lets out a snort, “yeah sure,” he chuckles boyishly, leaning down to rest on your shoulders, causing your body to stiffen upon the sudden contact. that afternoon, for almost an entire hour you were forced to sit as straight as you could, afraid that something was going to erupt in your tummy again as you could feel the bubbling sensation that threatened to explode. 

you were thirteen when you finally realised that you, y/n l/n, wants to share the biggest drumstick with chifuyu matsuno. 

it was christmas eve and chifuyu had invited you over to his place for a dinner, claiming that his mother had threatened to throw his precious romance mangas away if he didn't invite you. 

you arrived at the matsuno’s household ten minutes earlier than stated with a tray of roasted potatoes held in your hands and beads of sweat running down your forehead despite the freezing cold temperature outside. for the eight years of friendship you had with chifuyu, you’ve never felt this nervous seeing him and his family. it’s the cold, you naively thought, when the door swung opened, revealing your best friend dressed in a maroon striped sweater with suspenders. his eyes widened, not expecting to really see you when he was just opening to check in an attempt to ease his mother’s sixth sense. “y/n? why didn’t you knock?” he gasped, gently tugging the tray on your hands into his as he looked at you in surprise. “well, i was gonna but you opened the door before i could!” you scoffed a white lie, wanting nothing but to cover up the fact that you had been standing outside because you couldn’t get your heart to calm down. 

“chifuyu why don’t you give y/n the gift you got for her now?” mrs matsuno chimed, elegance evident in her posture and movement when she lightly dabbed a napkin across her lips which made you wonder how is it possible that she's the mother of chifuyu when chifuyu shared not a single bit of her grace when it comes to eating. chifuyu pauses briefly, “give me a sec,” he nods before stuffing the roasted potato that was previously halfway into his mouth and standing up to jog over to his room. “he cleaned the house for two months for it.” mr matsuno chuckled as chifuyu jogs out again, this time with a paper bag held in his hand. 

“you better wear it everyday.” he sent you a playful wink, handing you the brown paper bag. you carefully unwrapped the ribbon that bounded the paper bag and pulling out an overly oversized hoodie enough to fit you through a lifetime. you noticed that it was same hoodie that chifuyu often wears except that yours was in the shade of emerald green, the colour that chifuyu had taken the effort to remember that you had once claimed as your colour when the two of you had a heated discussion on what colour represents yourselves. 

“wow! now we have a friendship hoodie!” you beamed in excitement, pulling the oversized hoodie over your sweater. “how do i look?” you asked, posing a few turns at chifuyu as he took a good look at you. “pretty.” he held a thumb up before stuffing another spoonful of pasta down. 

your lowered your gaze upon hearing the sudden compliment your best friend gave, opting to look at the last piece of roasted chicken that mrs matsuno had offered you earlier just now before chifuyu could lay his hands on it. your lips pursed, not entirely confident to do it but eventually picking up the piece of meat and placing it on chifuyu’s already dirtied plate from all the sauces he had mixed with his food. “thank you,” you mumbled, looking anywhere else but chifuyu’s burning gaze on you. 

the butterflies were taking flight soon and you on the other hand had no idea how to contain it. 

you were sixteen when chifuyu first broke your heart on the first day of the spring season, openly declaring in front of you and takemichi that he’ll be confessing to the pretty girl sitting in front of him during lunch time. 

her name is haru.

“no way! you’re kidding!” takemichi gaped, leaning in closer to chifuyu as the close proximity between the two of them wasn’t enough for him to hear chifuyu clearly. chifuyu crossed his arms, confidence evident in his posture, “of course not! i’ve already decided, there’s no going back!” 

“be sure not to scare her away!” you stuck your tongue out to which chifuyu rolled his eyes in response. “eh? you’re just jealous that no one’s confessing to you!”, wiggling his head in a playful manner as he brought an ���L’ sign up to his forehead to further anguish you. you raised a middle finger, wanting nothing more than to end this conversation for you weren’t sure if you were able to contain the effect of your heart dropping six feet down. 

you knew chifuyu succeeded when he came running to you after school with the brightest smile you adored, a faint tint of blush coated on his cheeks. “guess i’m gonna see you lesser huh lover boy?” you chuckled softly, shoving your textbooks into your canvas bag as he swung himself onto your desk with a smug grin. “you’d wish huh don’t you? but no, you’ll still see me as often when i’m off from boyfriend duties,” he sang happily. perhaps maybe because it was chifuyu’s own words, you believed wholeheartedly that you were okay with being just his best friend and being supportive of his relationship. so you watched chifuyu’s love for haru bloomed into something more than just the typical puppy love you often watch on romcoms. 

in just a blink of an eye, two years had passed and the next thing you knew you were spending your birthday without your best friend for the second time in a row. “this sucks,” you grumbled, throwing your phone aside when the time struck midnight, announcing a new day had just arrived. chifuyu’s words were just empty affirmations when you realised that you barely ever saw your best friend. you weren't sure if the two of you were even best friends anymore. it felt more like he’s just a friend that you talk to occasionally now. you see, chifuyu is a loyal friend and that’s a widely known fact and that’s what made it even more heartbreaking for you because chifuyu always does just enough to keep your friendship alive and you had no reason to hate him for that. 

you rubbed your temples tiredly, wanting nothing more than to run your aching head into the wall when a packet of your favourite watermelon mints was thrown onto your desk. “rough night?”atsumu, your beloved table-mate asked smugly. “you don’t say,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes at the obvious as you impatiently tore the packet open. “he didn’t wish ya happy birthday did he?” the freshly bleached haired boy questioned. atsumu got his answer when you didn't sat in silence, opting to look out the window to distract yourself from the threatening tears prickling at the corner of your eyes. and god do love to test you when the scene of chifuyu leaning in to kiss haru on the lips ever so gently unfolds at your sight. oh how you wished that it was you who he’s kissing right now. 

chifuyu always does just enough to keep your friendship alive. 

it was already late into the night when you heard a knock outside your balcony. your breath hitched when you saw that it was chifuyu who had disturbed your little movie marathon alone after the events that had happened lately. “hey,” he breathed, a soft smile wearing on his lips to which you returned it with an awkward one, inviting him into your messy room. “oh we’re in our friendship hoodie!” he chuckles nervously. your eyes travelled on him, realising that indeed he’s wearing the same hoodie that you were currently wearing right now. “it’s late chi, what’s going on?” you sighed, tone coming off harsher than you intended to. chifuyu nods slowly, face soon replaced with an apologetic look. “i’m sorry for missing your birthday, i feel horrible really,” he begun. “ i know i haven’t been around lately, so i want to make it up to you.” 

your brows furrowed at chifuyu’s apology, you knew he was being so sincere so why did you feel even much more upset hearing it? “that’s it? you could’ve just done this in school tomorrow chifuyu.”you sighed, trying your hardest to mask the pettiness within you with a tired voice. “ i know i know, but i couldn’t sleep knowing that i left my best friend alone on her 18th birthday.” he looked at you hesitantly as you quietly pulled your duvet over your lap. “how about let’s go hiking and watch the sunrise this weekend? just the two of us. i know you’ve been wanting to do that.” 

you wished you weren’t in love with chifuyu so that you wouldn’t give in so easily. you wished you were petty enough to make a scene and just be angry at him but you couldn't so here you are right now, hiking up the trail with your hand in chifuyu’s as you helped him up the slope. “your stamina really sucks,” you retorted to which chifuyu huffed in response. “it’s not that my stamina sucks, it’s that this trail is literally ninety-eight percent high slopes,” he pouts. 

“well you could've chose not to show up.” 

“no! i want to do this with you. what are you talking about?” 

you only smiled at his little defence. “whatever,” you mumbled as you quickly dropped your grip on his and walking ahead of him in an attempt to hide your blush. “hey! wait for me!” 

it was near autumn when one day chifuyu appeared in the wee hours of the night with tears streaming down his cheeks when he fell into your arms and hugged you tightly. you found out that haru was moving away to the states with her family and had broken up with chifuyu, refusing to try out long distance relationship. 

so like any other best friend, you let chifuyu cry into your shoulders as you sat in silence that night, heart breaking at the torn state chifuyu was in. he truly loved her. 

you were twenty when chifuyu held your hands and asked you to be his. 

“chifuyu matsuno! where the hell are my batteries?” your voice echoed through your shared apartment, causing poor chifuyu to jump and drop the eggs he was previously holding in his hands on to the floor. it’s been almost two years since haru and chifuyu had broken up and you had spent a great deal of time trying to mend his broken heart though you knew that it would never be fully healed. she was his first love after all. 

the two of you had moved in to a small apartment close to your university as planned since young, officially becoming roommates. “fuck!my eggs!” chifuyu cried out loud as he frantically lets go of the spatula in his hands to grab a kitchen tower and clean up the pool of egg yolk and egg white on the marble floor. you groaned in annoyance when chifuyu doesn’t answer your question, slamming the tools drawer shut and making your way towards the kitchen. 

“i swear chi-” you paused when you saw chifuyu kneeling on the floor with his pink kitten design apron tied against his body, a pout clearly evident on his lips. “what ever happened?” your head tilted slightly, annoyance slowly decimating. “you screamed like a mad woman. that’s what happened.” he retorted. you rolled your eyes, grabbing another kitchen towel and joining chifuyu on the ground. “well if you didn’t misplace my batteries, i wouldn't be screaming.” 

“if you looked close enough, it’s literally on your study desk.” 

“it’s not!” 

“it is!” 

“it’s not!” you huffed, getting up and stomping over to your room to prove a point but your eyes widened, horrified by the pure sight of your batteries accompanies by a fresh pack with a sticky note attached on top of it. ‘you’re welcome <3′, it wrote. you slowly walked out of your room with your head hung low, doing the walk of shame. “say it,” chifuyu taunts as he skilfully tossed the omelette onto the plate and placing it in front of you. you scrunched your nose, lips pursing and taking a deep breath. “i’m sorry,” you mumbled quietly, fingers fumbling at the ends of your shirt. “ah-ah i can't hear you,” you hear him sing, a little too happy. obvious that he’s enjoying this. you sighed in defeat, clearing your throat loud enough. “i’m sorry,” you said it loudly this time. 

chifuyu lets out a laugh in satisfaction, throwing his head back while you on the other hand could only pout at his triumph. but that didn’t mean that your heart didn't swell up at the expression of happiness he has on his face right now. digging in at the breakfast that chifuyu had made for you which had now became a routine, you couldn't help but to feel small under chifuyu’s intense stare on you. “are you not gonna eat?” you raised your brow, eyeing the untouched omelette on his plate. chifuyu rests his chin on his palm, looking at you with a look of as if he had something to tell you. 

“i will.” he hummed before reaching out to grab your hands. your body stiffened, dumfounded at what’s currently happening. “you know, for the last two years, life was a little less painful thanks to you.” chifuyu confessed earnestly, “ i guess what i’m trying to say is that, you’re my end game y/n l/n. i don’t think i would've came this far if it wasn’t for you so i’m going to ask you this once,” he paused, intertwining his fingers in yours as he gazes into your eyes deeply, 

“will you be my girlfriend?” 

your relationship with chifuyu wasn’t a perfect one but the two of you always made it work somehow. which is why here you are sitting against your bed frame with luggages packed by the side wondering what exactly had gone wrong along the way? 

and you realised that you were never meant to be chifuyu’s end game. you were never meant to be his forever. 

“you think that i don’t fucking know that you were always looking at her instagram when you think i’m not around?” you screamed, body shaking from the exhaustion that’s taking a toll on you both physically and emotionally. “i don’t see how it’s wrong wanting to see how my friend is doing?” chifuyu snaps. 

you scoffed, crossing your arms as you looked away. “yeah. as if you don’t still say her name in your sleep. as if you don’t fucking mess up our favourite food, as if you didn’t tell takemichi that you wished i was haru!” this was the last straw for you. you were too exhausted to try anymore. haru was irreplaceable and you were just a temporary band aid for chifuyu. 

it was as if you had hit jack pot when your lover went silent. “i’ve loved you for so long chifuyu. but loving you hurts too much. i’m so tired of this.” you finally allowed yourself to break down, letting yourself go loose on the emotions you’ve suppressed for years as chifuyu could only watch in remorse for tearing you apart till this state. 

you finally understood why the apple tree never bloomed any apples.

you were twenty seven when you decided to leave chifuyu matsuno. fifteen years of friendship and seven years of being each other’s significant other. you finally walked away, planting one last final kiss on chifuyu’s lips and shutting the door on your ex-lover’s sleeping figure.