#same as my twit un

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part I/VII)

"sleepless nights"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, nightmares, implicit PTSD

A/N: this is kind of... Fluffy(?) Somehow lmao. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The first night I thought I was hallucinating; it wouldn't be the first time since the Battle that I had imagined someone was wandering around the flat.

The second night I was dubious.

The third night I was completely sure George was, in fact, staying awake.

So, when, during the fourth night, I heard him pass by my door for the nth time in two hours, I left the comfort of my soft blankets and stepped towards the door.

"What on earth are you doing?" George, who was already walking away in the living room's direction, jumped at my whispering.

He took a hand to his chest, shut his eyes and breathed deeply. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack, woman?" He leaned against the wall, his eyes still closed.

"Alright, sorry." I apologised. We kept whispering as if someone was sleeping in our house. "It's just— are you getting any sleep?"

His brown eyes finally opened, and as he stared into mines, I knew he, despite wanting to do so, couldn't find the strength to lie.

"I can't go near my room." He confessed, one of his hands running through his locks as his eyes welled up. "I— I tried, I just—" another deep breath, this one shaky.

I reached out to him from my door frame. The hallway wasn't that large, anyway; he only needed to slightly extend his arm and he would be able to touch my fingertips.

George looked at my palm hesitant, as if he didn't dare to hold it. "C'mon, I can't have you haunting our home for another night." With a resigned sigh, he finally took my hand, and I swiftly tugged him towards me, leading him into my room and closing the door behind us.

My dorm had a different atmosphere, and George felt it right away. Maybe it was because the room was certainly not the twins' making, or maybe because it was the furthest from Fred's, but in my room the air was less oppressive; it somehow felt comforting and homely.

I sat George down on the edge of my bed and took a proper look at him; his eyes were puffy and his nose red, but he was livid. I let my hand travel to his cheek, and he unconsciously leaned on it.

"I'm gonna go for a glass of water." I informed him, my fingertips wiping a tear that had spilled and was running down his face. "And I'll get your bags on my way."

"You don't have to." He muttered.

"Yeah, I have to, because you're not sleeping on this." I tugged on his overused shirt's collar. "Do me a favor; get a blanket from under the bed and place it on the divan." He nodded and complied, getting up as soon as I left the room.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I rubbed my eyes with my index finger and thumb whilst standing up and doing as Y/n had asked me to.

On the process of covering the divan with one of her soft, warm blankets, I realized there was no way on earth I would fit there.

"Why the puzzled look?" Y/n's voice breaking the silence so abruptly made me lost my train of thoughts. "Didn't mean to scare you." She apologised, handing me the promised —and very needed— glass of water, and throwing my bags over her bed. "You're not sleeping there." She clarified, motioning at the divan.

A frown formed on my face. "I'm not taking your bed."

"Yes, you are." Just as I was about to open my mouth and complain, she warned me, "Don't you argue with me, Weasley. We're both too tired for this."

"Alright, you win." I huffed, knowing it would be useless to try and talk some sense into her, and, in all honesty, I craved to lie down on a bed, and Y/n's looked so comfy and welcoming.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to bed?"

She walked to me tugging my hand so I was facing her instead of her mattress. "You're a mess." The girl mumbled under her breath, unbuttoning my shirt before I knew what was happening. "Off, now."

When she stepped away to reach into my bag, I kept doing what she had started until the piece of clothing was open. Y/n placed my pyjamas in front of me and quickly turned her back to my body before I could even remove my shirt.

"I really don't know why you keep doing that" the words were coming out of my mouth somehow more light-hearted, almost amused. "You've ran into me naked several times." I pointed out, completely undressed and reaching for my nightwear.

Y/n snorted. "That doesn't make it any less awkward." The ghost of a grin appeared on my face and I had to refrain myself from teasing her in any way. "Done?" I responded affirmatively un response and she turned around and removed my dirty clothes from her bed.

We both climbed into our respective resting places and threw our blankets over us before turning off the light.

"Y/n?" She gave me a sleepy hum, prompting me to speak. "Thank you." She mumbled something I didn't quite understand; my eyes closed surprisingly fast, and I fell asleep.

Something I was quickly regretting.

As comfortable as Y/n's bed was, and as much at ease as the atmosphere in her room had left me, the nightmares still haunted my dreams.

I jumped up with a yell I didn't know that had escaped my lips, sweating and panting, only to find Y/n close to the same state, somehow a little bit more calmed. We locked eyes, gleaming at the moonlight due to the not yet spilled tears.

I took a deep, ragged breath, and rubbed my face with both hands; I wasn't crying, I was just exhausted.

The weight on the bed shifted before Y/n's arms pulled me into a side hug; I leaned on her, throwing my own arm around her waist to pull her even closer. We fell over the bed like that, and didn't dare to move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up again. This time, though, no pants or tears were involved; I was calm and rested, something not very usual anymore.

After a moment, I realized the reason why I had woken up was probably the pain on the back of my neck. I blinked a couple of times in an attempt to shake the drowsiness off me before trying to switch my posture to one more comfortable.

I was then startled by a sleepy grunt that left Y/n's lips; I remembered then that we had somehow managed to fall asleep in each other's arms in the most uncomfortable position ever.

I managed to move her with me, without waking her up —and thank Godric for that, because the sight of her snuggled up to my side with our legs tangled and her hand on my chest was angelic.

A sigh escaped my lips when, due to the rays of sunshine that started to sneak into the room, she buried her face in the crook of my neck, hear breath fanning over my skin and sending chills down my spine.

Staring at the room's ceiling, I weighed my options; on the one hand, I could lay with Y/n a bit more and try to go back to sleep, but I risked falling into another nightmare; on the other hand, I could get up and go have a very needed shower, but I would have to leave the comfort of her arms and her room, and venture into our very own cemetery.

I went for the second option; I did crave a shower, and we couldn't let what once was the most cheerful flat in the Diagon Alley be covered by the darkness of grief forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

I was shocked —in a good way, of course— when, the next time my eyes fluttered open was not due to a nightmare, but to the bright, warm sunlight inundating the room.

George was nowhere to be seen, and I wondered if last night had been a dream. I dismissed that idea as soon as I propped myself up on my forearms, seeing his bags near the bed and his dirty clothes laying on the carpet.

The door creaked, announcing the ginger's arrival even before he hesitantly entered the room. "Morning." He offered me a small smile.

"Morning." I replied, mimicking his expression. "How long have you been up?"

"For about..." he checked the clock in my room, leaning against the door frame. "Half an hour. Just had a shower and I was gonna make some breakfast."

My smile grew a little wider at his newly refreshed attitude. "In high spirits, are we?"

He clicked his tongue, tilting his head to the side. "Turns out that getting some sleep does wonders."

"Indeed." I agreed, stretching before standing up and walking to him. "C'mon, I'll help you with that breakfast."

"I can do it myself." He assured me, walking right behind me in the kitchen's direction.

"Last time you tried to cook, you set fire to the table."

He groaned, grabbing a knife to slice the bread he had left on the counter. "You won't let me live that down ever, will you?" I shook my head no, turning on the fire before grabbing a pan. "I hate you."

"Liar." I placed my hand above the pan to check the heat before requesting, "Pass me the slices."

"I was gonna make you breakfast," he complied, nonetheless. "Not the other way around."

"Are you complaining?" I quirked an eyebrow at George, making him roll his eyes at me and turn to the cabinets consequently to reach for the mugs. "I was thinking—"

"You? Thinking?" Snort. "The world's ending." He stated dramatically, preparing the coffee.

"Twit." I flipped the nearly ready toasts before resuming my sentence. "I was thinking that we should reopen the shop." George stayed silent, leaning against the counter by my side. "I think it would... Help." I stopped again, carefully picking my words. "Getting the business running... I think— we can't— we need to do something, to stay occupied." I looked at him, awaiting for an answer, or at least a glance, but his eyes were fixed on his slippers. "I don't mean right now," he tilted his chin up to stare at the opposite wall, and then his head spun to me. "but I—"

"Y/n!" His eyes went wide and he swiftly pulled me away from the pan, tossing the burning bread into the sink. "Merlin's beard." I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing in defeat. "Trying to outmatch my kitchen pyromania?" George would have successfully lightened up the mood if I wasn't on the brink of a mental breakdown.

Fred had always been the one to cook. George wasn't even allowed in the kitchen for obvious reasons, and I myself had the attention span of a fruit fly.

"Oi..." George pulled me to his chest and my arms instantly wrapped around his middle. "What about we get dressed," he began, stroking my hair. "And we go have breakfast at The Leaky Cauldron?" I nodded against him, and he squeezed me tight before slowly pulling away. "We can start restocking when we come back, yeah?" I nodded again, catching a tear with the back of my sleeve before it could run down my cheek. "Then let's go." This time it was him who stretched his arm, offering me his hand, which I instantly took.

As we made our way back to my room, it dawned on me this would be one hell of a ride.

"Wait! The coffee!" I tugged him back to the kitchen.

"Shit!" We both jogged back in, rapidly putting away the coffee pot.

"I think we shouldn't cook." I stated. "At all."

"Agreed." He breathed out.

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Blood in the Water (Sequel to Such a Softer Sin) Chapter 21 [COMPLETE]

Last one my lovelies. I’m sorry if this ending isn't good enough for you or this whole story has been a letdown, I’m not as happy with it as I was with Such a Softer Sin, but there we go. It's not over for these three yet, the third one will be on its way eventually when I’ve dealt with my other fics.

In the meantime, thanks for sticking with me.

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Lila fisted Murphy's hair, tugging harshly and making him groan into the kiss as he ravaged her mouth, exploring every inch with abandon, like it was the last time he would ever get the chance. She was straddling him on the couch, it was a little awkward since her pregnant belly was quite big now at just almost 9 months pregnant with twins. But they made it work, they always did. Some things between them had changed over the course of the pregnancy, one of them being their sex lives. Lila was a horny little thing most of the time but she was also fussy as shit. They didn't fuck her at the same time much anymore, she would instead seek each brother out individually for what they could offer her. Connor had always been more in control, slower, somewhat gentler, which was ironic since he was the harder hearted brother, but he was tender with her, more so now she was pregnant. Always muttering how beautiful she was as he fucked her, making her feel good about her growing body. Murphy, on the other hand, had always been a little more passionate and firey with her, and it only seemed to increase with their babies in her belly. When she needed a good hard fuck, one where she couldn't walk for a little after, Murphy would be the one she went to. The twin who would whisper deliciously naughty promises in her ear as he gave it to her good. They never got jealous if she saught the other one of them out, they knew her hormones were crazy right now and they each offered her something different. As long as she was happy, then so were they. If it wasn't broke, then don't fix it right?

Lila had become so self-conscious now, she felt like a whale, and the boys had done everything in their power to help her with it. To them, she was a vision, she was even more beautiful than she was before and they hadn't thought that possible, but it was. Things eased up a little after one of her sobbing fits when her pants wouldn't fasten, oh how she had cried. Murphy felt for her, he felt for her so much that before his brain even realised what he was doing, he had admitted that her being pregnant turned him on a little, that it was like some kind of primal urge inside was deeply satisfied with their babies in her belly. He had been mortified at admitting such a thing, and Lila had been shocked, but soon enough he was balls deep inside of her and had her screaming so it all worked out for the best he noticed.

Connor was in the kitchen working on the food, Murphy was supposed to be helping him but it appeared he’d become distracted by their girl and her hormones once again. Lila had been teaching them how to cook without burning the place down, and so far, they were doing alright much to everyone's surprise. He glanced over, smirking to himself as she moaned, grinding down on his brother as he nipped at her throat. He fucking loved to watch her when she was like this, like watching something utterly fascinating unfolding right before his eyes. She gasped and suddenly her eyes went wide, both her and Murphy glancing down between them. Connor raised a brow amused as he sipped his water, wondering why they were both shocked, surely they had expected the boy to have a boner.

“Did ye just...piss on me?” Murphy asked warily, making Connor choke on his mouth full of water. The thought of Lila pissing on him almost had him on the floor with laughter, that would be fucking amusing. It wouldn't be the first time she had issues with her bladder, she did have two babies pressing on it after all. But after the first time she had done it whilst unloading groceries, she had locked herself in the bedroom for hours on end crying out of shame. The twins had sat down outside the bedroom door as she wouldn't let them in. They didn't think it was that much of a big deal, shit happened, but she was mortified. The boys didn't give up though and Connor ended up telling her about the time Murphy pissed himself in McGintys when he’d had one too many. Of course, the dark-haired boy looked to his brother with a horrified scowl, his ears burning bright that he had told her, but it got her to unlock the door so he let it go.

Lila looked scared though now, sat in Murphy lap as he looked up at her almost accusingly and Connor furrowed his brow for a moment.

“I think my water just broke,” she muttered, her body tense and unmoving. There was a brief millisecond where it got so silent, the twins' eyes as wide as Lilas now, they could practically hear crickets chirping in the background. The gravity of the words she just said hit them hard.

“The babies are comin’?” Connor asked tensely from his spot in the kitchen, none of them seemed to be able to move for a moment. But as soon as her eyes went to him, nodding with her big wide eyes, that was it. All feelings shelved as he went into plan mode and he darted off to the bedroom. They had been prepared for the babies coming early, they had learnt at the classes they had attended that twins often tended to be somewhat premature, so Connor had a bag already packed with everything in it.

Lila got up on shaky legs, Murphy helping her as he stood, looking still in shock that this was it, it was time. A sharp pain ripped through her belly that seemed to resonate throughout her entire body and she cried out, doubling over as she clutched her stomach.

“What? What is it?! Connor! CONNOR!” Murphy practically shrieked, almost hysterical as Connor rushed into the room with the bag over his shoulder.

“What's wrong?” he asked panicked, looking from his brother to Lila who was still hunched over tearfully.

“What the fucks wrong with her?” Murphy asked sounding like a terrified boy and Connors' heart ached for him for just a moment. Connor walked over, stroking her back soothingly.

“Contractions ye fuckin’ twit, if ye listened in class ye’d know,” Connor chided lightly, paying more attention to comforting the girl in pain.

They had attended every class they could to prepare themselves for all of this yet nothing seemed to be able to prepare them for the reality of it. Connor had once again been a sponge, eager for knowledge. His brother took great delight in ribbing him over the fact Connor had even brought a pad and pen and took notes. Lila thought it was adorable though, it reminded her of how eager to learn he was when he quizzed her about trying for a baby, or when he was learning to drive. Murphy, of course, had listened somewhat, it wasn't that he didn't want to be there, but the boy didn't have the best attention span. Instead, he was more interested in attaching the breast pump to Connors nipples or juggling with the model fetuses. It had lightened the mood of the group attending the class and made more than a few people chuckle, it was like being back in school. But now he was paying for it since he felt so un-fucking-prepared.

Connor had them in the car in a flash, Murphy in the back with Connor driving. He wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but his task was driving so he tried to focus, glancing at her in the rear view mirror when he could to check she was okay. She cried out again as another contraction hit her and she grasped Murphy’s hand, squeezing so tight he yelped.

“Fuckin’ hell, I don't think I’ll have a hand left when she’s done,” Murphy whined, locking eyes with his brothers in the mirror.

“Fuckin’ shut it ye big baby. Think o’ the pain she’s in, it’s worse than that,” Connor scolded once again. Murphy blanched though, he wasn't exactly wrong. So he let her squeeze the shit out of his hand, even if she broke a few fingers along the way.

By the time she was in the hospital bed, the staff bustling around her, she was dripping in sweat, her head dizzy from meds they gave her that clearly weren't working because it still hurt like a bitch.

“I can't do this,” she sobbed helplessly and the boys looked to her feeling their hearts constrict. She was in so much pain and nothing could have prepared the pair of them for how much it would hurt them to see her like this.

“Sure ye can sweetheart, yer almost there,” Connor soothed as he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

“That's easy for you to say, you don't have a baby coming out of your fucking vagina,” she snapped, glaring at him. He blinked at her, willing himself not to laugh at how adorable she was when she was angry, he knew she was only being like this because she was hurting and that thought made him sad.

“I know we don’t love, but we’re here for ye,” Murphy chimed in from her other side, stroking her cheek and making her look at him and she exhaled a breath, calming down.

Another few contractions later and she was pushing, the doctors telling her not to stop, she was almost there, and as she squeezed the boys hands until they were blue, she heard the cry of a baby fill the room as she slumped back in the bed. She felt dazed, a mixture of the drugs and the tiredness and the boys couldn't take their eyes off where they had taken the baby to quickly clean them up and wrap a blanket around them. It wasn't lost on them the colour of the blanket when the nurse returned. None of them had known what they would be having. On the morning of the scan where they should have found out, the boys had bickered so relentlessly; Murphy saying they were girls, Connor that they were boys, that when the sonographer asked her if they wanted to know, she said no. The boys had been mortified, begging and pleading but she stuck her ground.

“Congrats on a healthy baby girl,” she smiled, handing the baby to Lila whilst she had the chance before the other baby decided to pop out and say hello. She stared at the wide blue-eyed infant in her arms, with her little smatter of ginger hair on her tiny head. A sob left Lilas lips, feeling so overwhelmed at finally meeting one of her children, her daughter.

“HA! I fuckin’ told ye!” Murphy declared proudly from beside him, pointing at his brother with one hand, wiping his eyes with the other. Connor turned his adoring eyes from the baby in Lilas' arms to his brother and squinted.

“Fuck you! We still have another one on the way ye smart ass!” he countered before they started bickering, causing the staff to snort and shake their heads. Lila tuned them out though, all she had eyes for was that the little bundle in her arms. She could never put into words the love she felt at that moment, it was a love like no other she had ever felt and she felt so full of love it felt like she was about to burst at the seams.

She cried out once more, the next baby seemingly ready and the nurse quickly took their daughter, putting her in a little crib so Lila could give birth to the next one. She wasn't sure if it was the drugs or her mind playing tricks on her, but it felt like this one came out quicker, and soon enough after a few pushes, baby number two was wailing. And this time when they handed the blue blanket wrapped baby to the new mother, it was Connor that had a shit eating grin on his face. Murphy just sneered, not even saying a word, he had won too after all. The nurse helped Lila hold both babies, showing her how to do it and the tired girl just blinked at her children, in awe of the fact she was now a mother. The boys watched her, Murphy sniffling and wiping his eyes every second since the tears never stopped. But it wasn't until Connor started swaying on his feet a little next to her that she finally looked up. It was like she knew what was coming before he did and she went to say something when his eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp. Luckily his brother had been there to catch him, hauling him into the chair next to the bed with a snort.

“Really Connor?” Murphy asked wryly to his brother who clearly couldn't hear him.

“I wondered when it would be his turn to faint,” Lila snorted tiredly, looking over as Murphy made sure his brother was comfortable before he moved over, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached out, stroking each babies head affectionately and Lila felt her heart fill with even more love.

“Do you want to hold one?” she asked, looking at him with her watery eyes, only to find his just as watery.

“Nah, best wait for Connor to wake,” he replied softly, causing the girl to smile to herself. She could never tire of how they both cared for each other, always looking out for the other.

“I’m really proud o’ ye Lila,” he stated, catching her off guard for a second as she blinked at him. He could see just how tired she was and he couldn't exactly blame her after what she had just managed to do. He and Connor had always said women were a fuck tonne stronger than men and this was reason number one. There was no way in hell he could do what she had just done and it only made his immense amount of love for her intensify.

She just blushed a little and ducked her head, looking back at the babies. He reached over, stroking her hair affectionately as he looked at her like some kind of hidden relic.

“I mean it m’girl,” he insisted, making her heart constrict in her chest. She was feeling more than overemotional with everything that happened and this was just making it worse. She didn't have a chance to respond though as Connor groaned and stirred in the chair, drawing her and Murphy eyes over to him.

“Fuckin’ hell, what happened?” he asked warily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking wildly confused.

“Ye passed out ye fuckin’ pussy,” Murphy laughed gleefully, earning a look from Lila that shut him up.

“Well o’ course I did. Our wee babes have just come inte the world and I took one look at them and me brain fuckin’ couldn't cope,” Connor snorted, trying to brush it off but Lila didn't fail to miss the slight blush that swept across his cheeks.

Murphy didn't pass any other snarky remarks though because he could feel just how emotional his brother was, he was fighting his own tears every time he looked at those precious little things in their girl's arms.

“You gonna hold them now?” Lila asked as she glanced from one to another, and without words, Connor knew his twin hadn't held one yet simply because he had been out cold, and he was grateful because this was something he wanted them to do together. Connor stood in unison with Murphy as he reached out and took the little boy, Murphy taking the little girl. Lila couldn't stop watching them, how they stared at the babies with dopey smiles on their faces.

“Hello me wee lass, aren't ye a pretty thing, just like yer Ma. I’ll be fightin’ them off wit’ sticks until yer fuckin’ 30,” Murphy grinned, poking the tiny baby's nose. Lila smiled to herself as Connor huffed out a laugh.

“So...Have you thought of names yet?” Lila asked curiously, stifling a yawn. She had agreed to let the boys name the babies on the condition that next time it was her turn, no matter how many babies there were. They had been over the moon about the idea of getting to choose a name each, especially now since there was a boy and a girl.

“Alanna,” Murphy beamed, his bright eyes on his daughter in his arms.

“Quinn,” Connor stated proudly. The boys looked to each other, sharing a look that said they approved of each name before looking to their girl. Her face was neutral, showing no sign of what she really thought about the names.

“Hm… I don't know. I was thinking more...Joan and Keith,” she said, her face dead serious. Murphy paled a little, shifting a little with the baby as he shot a nervous glance at his brother.

“Joan? And...Kieth?” Connor asked carefully, like he hadn't heard right, but much to their dismay, she nodded.

“Ye can't name the babies that, they sound like old people!” Murphy said horrified, unable to even hide it in his tone. Lila squinted at him and he blanched a little.

“Old people were babies once too ya know?” she huffed, scowling at them. The boys fell silent, looking down at the babies, the names she suggested were awful and they didn’t want to subject their children to grow up with old people names, but she had just spent hours pushing these little souls out of her own body and they were actually scared to argue with her. There was a tense moment of silence before Lila burst out laughing, the twins looked at her warily like she had grown another head.

“Oh my God I’m kidding!” she snorted, covering her mouth a little to quieten herself. Murphy squinted at her playfully as Connor pursed his lips. They should have fucking known she’d fuck about with this, they didn't know why they didn't see it coming.

“I actually really love Alanna and Quinn, I think it suits them,” she smiled lovingly, her eyes glancing from one baby to another. The twins felt the relief sweep through them with a sense of pride they had picked names good enough for her.

Lila relaxed back in the bed as she felt her weak body getting more tired, her eyes getting heavy, but she fought to stay awake just to watch her boys with their babies.

“Get some rest sweetheart, me and Murphy will watch over them for a bit, ye need te get yer strength back up,” Connor said firmly, making it obvious she didn't really have a choice, not that she would fight him anyway. She was far too tired for that. Not to mention, pretty soon the rest of the MacManus clan, Rocco included, would be here to see the babies and she really needed to rest up for that ordeal. She snuggled under the blanket, wincing at the ache everywhere, especially in between her legs. She settled down, closing her eyes with a smile as she heard the boys talking to the babies.

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Epilogue

Murphy walked in the bedroom, seeing Lila fast asleep on top of the bed, fully dressed. A one-month-old Alanna stirred and squirmed in the bassinet by the bed and Murphy swiftly went to grab her so she didn't wake Lila. Life with two babies had been hard on all three, they rarely got any sleep these days, but they helped each other out, working as a team to make it as smooth as possible. As he left the room and shut the door, he stopped dead in his tracks, glancing down at the cherubic little face of his daughter.

“Fuckin’ hell Alanna, did ye wait for ye Ma te fall asleep te do that? Anyone would think ye hate me,” he whined as he got a whiff of a smell he rather he hadn't.

“Connor!” he called out as he walked into the living room, receiving a scowl off his twin as he shushed him. Connor was holding Quinn as he sat on the armchair and by the looks of it, the little boy had only just fallen asleep. Murphy looked sheepish for almost waking him as he walked over and carefully sat on the couch.

“Yer daughters had a shit again, its yer turn,” Murphy said looking at Connor. Connor quirked a brow with a smirk.

“I like how she's my daughter and not ours whenever ye wanna get outta changin’ her fuckin’ diaper,” Connor snorted amused.

“C’mon! I did it last time,” Murphy huffed petulantly.

“Because I won fair and square,” Connor grinned smugly.

A few minutes later had Murphy grumbling as he changed her diaper after once again losing rock paper scissors to his brother. He knew he would lose, he did every time, it didn't stop him from doing it though. Once she was clean and didn't smell anymore, he picked her up, cradling her against his chest and he went back over to the couch. He glanced over at Connor, his twin was staring down at the sleeping boy with a smile. Despite the fact the babies were now a month old, it still felt surreal that they were there.

“We’re the luckiest fuckers alive,” Connor muttered, still smiling as he lifted his eyes to his brother. Murphy grinned in agreement, he knew they were. After everything that had happened between the three of them, they had always managed to come out on top, even after they fucked up in the worst way with their girl. They knew they were punching above their weight with the girl, she could do miles better, not that they'd tell her that. Now they were a real little family and it wasn't lost on the boys how much the second chance Lila had given them had changed their lives. They were glad she had given that chance, to repair the damage the best they could and spend the rest of their lives paying for what they did. She was everything to them, their soul mate and best friend. And now she had given them the two best gifts they ever could have asked for. She was an angel, just like they had always said, and they were never letting her go.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag @keeperofwonderlandus

[fairyjimin]

forgot to post about it last night when i changed my url but jiminshine -> semindipity~

[amoralto]

I've seen you post a few times now doubting your serious Beatle scholar cred; I can never tell the extent to which it's a put on. What I mean to say is, I've been following your tumblr for a long time and gained a tremendous amount of insight from your perspective and your research, which I find refreshing and constructive, and I think you know you've been steeped in it enough that you can present it any way you wish at this point and have it be received very well as a substantial contribution.

Oh no, it’s not a put-on or false modesty - I doubt my position and my perspective and even my nous on the Beatles constantly and very sincerely. Which by my standards is at least a foot out of the hell pit of all-encompassing self-loathing and self-denigration in which I conduct myself on a daily basis,  because in this case, at least, I’m not dismissing my own authority on the subject entirely. I have some ground to stand on, and am technically and intellectually aware that I do, but it is still shaky ground, if that makes any sense. (Insert the relevant quotes by Socrates and Descartes here.) 

I’ve spent untold hours reading things and listening to things and looking things up and cross-referencing this thing with that thing, but at the end of the day, I’m just some anonymous twit who likes the Beatles, is more than a little anxious and pedantic, and is posting on an incompatibly fickle and frivolous social media platform. This is not a professional venture; I’m not a journalist, nor a historian, nor do I have any special insider insight into the various figures throughout the Beatles’ history, much less access to the Beatles themselves… which one would think would be exactly why I should ease up a few, because I have no secrets to keep and no editor to align an agenda with, but to me it just makes my own position on things even more tenuous, because I am blisteringly conscious of the fact that there will always be a limited capacity on what I can possibly learn, which trickles down to the little I can possibly derive/infer from, which trickles down to the narrowness of the conclusions I can possibly draw, as a human being who is liable and who may do their best to be wholly impartial but nonetheless harbours un/subconscious biases themselves. 

This is probably one of the main reasons why my answers to asks tend to be so convoluted and obtuse and arguably unconvincing - I just can’t speak in definitives, because it would feel like I’m misleading people if I do. (And this is a feeling entirely exclusive to myself, mind, which I don’t feel at all towards other people/friends in the fandom whom I respect and admire who do have very firm opinions and express them very clearly and definitively.) I can at times write things approaching arguments, but ultimately my only hope is to broaden perspectives and hope others can see and interpret and understand things in more than one way, and perhaps even sympathetically. I acknowledge that I don’t really help myself or my arguments on this front; more often than not people want definitives and pith because it communicates immediately and simply. They don’t want some Derrida-esque deconstructions that lead nowhere.  

Of course, I’m as capable of anyone of being protective and entitled and peeved by others’ biases/stances/particular interpretations of things, but that comes naturally with being a fan. I could, hypothetically, make any number of posts pointing out people in the fandom whom I’ve felt have been irresponsible and negligent, who’ve been disseminating fiction as fact, and dismantle their self-serving gospel, but I’d ultimately still be speaking as a fan and not as an earned, learned authority, because I’m technically operating on the same level as they are. Same limited capacity, same limited scope. I’d probably appear as no more than a rather petty person who takes it all too seriously. (I probably appear that way right now.)

TL;DR Academic, scholarly credibility is something I won’t ever feel like I have entirely earned - it’s an ongoing, Sisyphean thing. There are always blind spots, there are always missing pieces of the puzzle, and it nags at me, Some Anonymous Twit Without Any Special Access To The Subject I Focus On, in a constant and existential way. My mind is always screaming, “Whose high horse do you speak from? So what if you know more? How much do you really know, really? And what’s your unconscious agenda?” What more can I know; more I cannot know. I am also a clinically unhappy person and pathologically susceptible to thinking dispiriting thoughts about myself and my efforts anyway. 

TL;DR I think too much.

(Also: … thank you for your thoughtfulness, and for finding the contents of the blog worthwhile/enlightening to you in some fashion. I hope this doesn’t come across as a bizarre defense/diatribe. I’m not terribly sure where I was going with this when I first starting typing.)

[i-too-saw]

🕯️ The Basics:

Name: Nolanel Feran Age: 21 Race: Wildwood/Ishgardian Elezen Gender: Male Sexuality: Bisexual Martial Status: Single Server: Balmung

🕯️   Physical Appearance:

Hair: A near to shoulder-length mop of thick, curly hair Eyes: Ice blue Height: 6′6″ Build: Strong and somewhat lithe with broad shoulders and built legs. Distinguishing Marks: Scars on his forehead and right cheek, and, although always covered, burns on his hands and legs. Common Accessories: Always a clip on his left ear.

🕯️  Personal:

Profession: Dragoon aligned with House Durendaire. Hobbies: Going to church, reading the Enchiridion, hunting, blacksmithing, dissociating Languages: Common Residence: His family lives in the Brume but he’s most commonly at Congregation, Whitebrim, or wherever he’s stationed. Birthplace: Coerthan Lowlands Patron Deity: Halone the Fury Fears: A Lot. (dragons, heresy, acid, malboros, burns, shameful death, injury, sin, fear itself, social gatherings, etc.)

🕯️   Relationships:

Spouse: None Children: None Parents: Ruelle Feran and Luciane Feran -- he views them both negatively but actively loathes his mother. Siblings: None Other Relatives: None Pets: His war chocobo, Marcasite.

🕯️   Traits:

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unemphatic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

🕯️  additional information:

Smoking Habit: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

🕯️ Possible Hooks:

The Dragonsong War:

If your character fought for Ishgard at any point, there’s a good chance they shared a battlefield with Nolanel. He just might not thank them for it at first.

If your character is also in the Ishgardian military, chances are you’ve come across him as well. Nolanel spends the most time at Whitebrim Front and Falcon’s Nest. He gets the most along with fellow soldiers.

But if they’re a heretic, Nolanel’s really not gonna like them.

Ishgard:

Nolanel spends an inordinate amount of time at Saint Reymanaud’s Cathedral. He’ll sit in on successive Masses on end making annotations in his pocket Enchiridion.

Although Nolanel avoids alcohol, he drops in on the Forgotten Knight occasionally while visiting the Brume. Whatever money he hasn’t pressed into the palms of beggars goes into food.

Anyone who isn’t Ishgardian gets a cold stare from Nolanel. He’s probably waiting for them to screw up so he can rationalize his xenophobia. Interrupting the order of the city-- or Ishgardian doctrine-- is sure to get him on his feet (and fight, if need be).

Nolanel can be found in other Heavensward areas like the Sea of Clouds and Dravanian Forelands doing patrols and looking for dragons to stab.

Coerthas and Gridania

Nolanel spent the first 14 years of his life in the Coerthan Lowlands, and he visits to chill out when he can. He used to be a ranch hand and he likes to help out in the fields too. In the same line, if your character’s estate is out in the backwoods he probably isn’t too far away.

Heretic hunting can take you to unexpected places. Nolanel occasionally patrols the borders of Ishgard, and that can get him into conflict with the Ixal and occasionally some Gridanians. Sometimes he’ll cross the border, but he tries to check in with the Adders at Fallgourd Float.

He used to mine! And he totally hated it! But he can point your character in the right direction and guilt himself into coming along if they’re looking to plunge into coal and grime.

Nolanel’s a good swimmer as long as the water isn’t 90% frozen. He’s also really terrible at fishing, which he sticks to more often because he hates showing skin. In emulation of Saint Daniffen, he’s starting spear fishing.

Other

Nolanel has an acute moral sense and will intervene in what he sees is unlawful and wrong (but he has loopholes based on bigotry and fear, so he acts according to that about outsiders, voidsent, heresy, etc.)

I’m willing to send him to Gyr Abania as part of Ishgard’s participation in liberation, but other city states are a bit trickier. We can try to work something out if need be!

What I’m Looking For:

Making contacts! I’m not very good at tavern talk and neither is Nolanel but I’m willing to try my best! Nolanel’s mind is very busy, so he works best with something to occupy him outside of conversation like working together on something. Since he can be an intolerant twit, antagonism’s totally all right. I can do fights, too (just ask if you want to do any long-standing injuries). Shipping and multi-shipping’s all right as long as it makes sense for both parties!

Otherwise, I don’t ERP at all. Also, Nolanel wouldn’t be interested in training a non-Ishgardian in the dragoon arts.

OOCly, I Am:

Brianna! I’m 20 and I may be an alligator since I live in Florida. I’m also a v shy bean.

You Can Contact Me Via:

Here, which is my new sideblog for Tumblr RP. But you can also find me on my main @newty​ and my FFXIV blog @theseventhdawn​. If we’re mutuals, you can also ask for my Discord! I’m not often in-game unless I have something planned, but ofc I’ll log if you want to plot, RP, or do some PVE!

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

In which I address some bullshit comments on my post

@mizumanta replied to your link

“U.S. Plans to Withdraw From UN Human Rights Council Today”

I made this a post because I wanted to take a sec to address the utter idiocy that was just directed at me. How dare you make me read this with my own eyes?

Anyway, let’s break it down:

you comment would only hold weight if we didnt already know for sure that the treatment was different for the same action. 

What other president issued an EO that required families to be separated at the border for no legally justifiable reason? 

We *know* that he is being unfairly targeted. 

No he’s not. Just because ‘the media’ isn’t saying nice things about Trump doesn’t mean they’re targeting him. It means there’s nothing nice to say. Trump is a shitty person doing a shitty job as president. Moving on.

That this was only a problem when he took it over. 

Yeah, because he’s the president who made the EO. Are you not understanding that?

That’s the issue. A double standard. An unfair treatment. 

It’s not a double standard. No other president did this.

I’m objective enough to recognize it even though I dislike the current president. Clearly you are not.

You may be ‘objective’ but you are very very very clearly uninformed. Seriously, Google is free. You might wanna research this before you keep trying to offer your opinion like it’s valid.

double standards shouldn’t be *your* standard for activism.

They aren’t.

 You cant suddenly be against something that’s been around for decades just because a person you dont like is now in charge of it. 

It’s not been around for decades, you twit. The border separations were a direct result of the EO that Trump issued. No other president issued an EO requiring border separations. Seriously, Google is free Homie.

And since you want to make it about race, 

At what point did I attempt to make it about race? Get the fuck outta here with that strawman bullshit.

you cant support a black person doing something then call the white person a nazi for doing that same thing right after. Double standard.

You are absolutely right. And this statement would be valid if the Obama administration had the same policies and practices. Buuuut they didn’t. So, moot point. I didn’t support Obama doing family separations because Obama didn’t do family separations for no legally justifiable reason.

Seriously, at least attempt to have an informed opinion.

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (71/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

Previous chapters conveniently available here.

[6 February 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

“There, you see, it was written right here in the book.”

Zaperc held the dog-eared paperback open with one hand and jabbed his leathery finger onto a particular page he had highlighted.  Despite being completely outmatched, he seemed to be utterly assured that the book would somehow vindicate him.

Luffa snatched it away from him and glanced at the cover.  She was about to ask if Zaperc had lost his mind, until she saw her own name.

The book was entitled: The Luffa Way: The Path to Unlocking the Success Secrets and Awakening Your Inner Legend.    There was a picture of a glowing golden figure, which Luffa supposed was meant to be her, but it looked more like a Saiyan man.  On the back cover was a small photograph of the author, an unctuous-looking man with a toothy, insincere grin and a pretentious gleam in his eyes.

“Who the hell is this guy?” Luffa demanded.   “I had nothing to do with this!”

“But... but how did you manage to unlock your inner legend without Luffa’s book?”  Zaperc asked.

“I am Luffa, you dimwit!” she shouted.  She pointed at the short, thick hair that now glowed yellow on her scalp.  “And I didn’t get this way by reading any book.”

At her feet, Zaperc’s son, Brockle, rolled away from her and sat upright.  “Don’t be... don’t be ridiculous!” he said as he struggled to catch his breath.  “You can’t be Luffa!  According to the book—“

“The book!” Luffa growled.  “The book!  Is that why you weaklings took over this planet?  So you could sit around and read all day?!”

“Weaklings?” Brockle sputtered.  “How dare—?”

With a contemptuous snort, Luffa tapped him on the shoulder and he collapsed to the floor.  Ignoring his groaning, she sat on his back and started flipping through the pages.

“I’ve been photographed at least a hundred thousand times,” she grumbled.  “Can’t even wear that sundress I bought without some creep waiting for me to fly away.”

“Brockle!” cried Zaperc.

“Get... off.... me!” Brockle grunted.

“Oh, it was always satisfying to kill them,” Luffa muttered to herself.  “That look in their eyes when they realized they just laid down their lives for a picture of somebody’s butt.  But there was no challenge to it, and I can’t just waste my life picking off photographers.”

“Believe in your inner legend, son!” Zaperc said.  “You can do it!”

But Brockle could not do it.  Though he flailed his arms and legs mightily, Luffa had him pinned firmly to the ground.  She crossed her knees and licked her finger as she continued to page through the book.

“All they’ve got in here are 'artists’ conceptions',” Luffa said.  “And every 'eyewitness account' I see in here is from some planet I’ve never been to!  Wait a minute.  Planet Krouton?  That’s not even a real planet!”

“You can do it, son!” Zaperc cheered.  “Unless... she really is Luffa...”

“I went to Krouton in some made-up story a fan wrote about me!” Luffa seethed. She looked up at Zaperc with disbelief.  “Whoever wrote this thing must have seen the same thing and thought it was a true story!   You mean you twits were taking advice from this?  No wonder you’re all so weak!”

“But there has to be some truth to it,” Zaperc said.  “Your transformed state.  Your role in creating the Federation... and you defeated thirty Saiyans on Vedev III—“

“Fifty Saiyans,” Luffa said sharply.  “And most of that bunch were a lot stronger than your little band of raiders.”

“Raiders!” Zaperc exclaimed.  “No, you don’t understand!    We didn’t come here to loot this world.  We came here to be its champions!”

Luffa closed the book and glared at him suspiciously.

*******

In the galley of the Emerald Eye, Luffa chopped vegetables while Zatte leaned against the opposite counter.

“Let me get this straight,” Zatte said between bites of a taproot.  “Some guy you’ve never heard of wrote a self-help book, and made it all about you.  Even though he’s never met you, and he never got permission from you.”

“Right,” Luffa said without looking up from her work.  “You want some blue-cress in this?  I’m in the mood for blue-cress.”

“Go for it,” Zatte said.  “But this guy writes a book and puts your name on it to help it sell. Then this Zaperc guy buys a copy, and he thinks it’s some kind of Saiyan Holybook.”

Luffa tensed up at the sound of that, and the rhythm of her knife on the cutting board was disrupted.  “I mean, yeah,” Luffa said, “but when you put it that way...”

“But I thought the other Saiyans all believed you were a phony,” Zatte said.  “They don’t believe Saiyans can transform the way you do, so they think you’re not a real Saiyan.”

“Apparently the guy who wrote that book did a better job convincing Zaperc than I ever could,” Luffa said.  “Not that I ever tried to convince anyone.  If my people want to pretend I’m an alien imposter to soothe their egos, that’s their problem.  But Zaperc’s gang is buying into a whole other set of lies.   He thinks I’m a man who awakened his 'inner legend’ through the power of positive thinking or some other malarkey.”

“Don’t be too hard on them,” Zatte said.  “Positivity got them this far, didn’t it?  They got your attention, after all.”

“But they didn’t come to this planet to get my attention,” Luffa said.  “They came here to make some half-assed imitation of what I did with the Federation.    They want to defend Nat-Chezz from anyone who tries to invade it.  Sort of what I’ve been doing, but on a smaller scale.”

“And it worked,” Zatte said.  “You showed up and gave them a bigger challenge than they ever would have found roaming around space, picking fights they knew they could win.”

“Challenge,” Luffa scoffed.  “Against me, they’re like a bunch of ants trying to bring down a dinosaur.”

“What about the Chezzi?” Zatte asked.  “Are they okay with their new ’champions’?”

“I talked to their king,” Luffa said.  “He’s totally on board with this idea, but I think it’s just because he likes having a bunch of Saiyans working for him.  A lot of big shots are like that.  They see a Saiyan bodyguard as a status symbol.  ‘Look at me, this guy can fight a whole army and he does whatever I tell him.’  That kind of thing.”

“Like when Wildthyme was controlling us,” Zatte said.

“Exactly,” Luffa said, pausing to point her knife at the ceiling.  “That little bastard could have made me do all sorts of things for him, but all he really wanted was for me to stand around and make him feel important.  Same thing here, only I don’t think the Chezzi king knows what he’s gotten himself into.”

“Do they even need protection?” Zatte asked.

Luffa nodded while she scraped diced peppers into a bowl.  “They’ve got a lot of scandium resources, whatever that is.  They’ve been conquered a few times before, which is probably why those villagers I talked to were so confused.  They probably just thought I was kicking Zaperc out to seize the planet for myself.”

“This sounds kind of complicated,” Zatte said.

“I know.  That’s why I’m gonna uncomplicate it.  If these fourth-rate Saiyans are going to go around interfering in people’s business, that’s one thing.  But they’re doing it in my name, and that really ticks me off.”

“Where do we start?” Zatte asked.

“We?” Luffa asked.  “These are Saiyans, Zattie.  They may be weaklings, but they’re still dangerous.”

“I’ve lived with one for a while,” Zatte said.  “She’s moody, but I eventually showed her who’s boss.”

“Yeah, well this is serious, boss,” Luffa said.

“So am I,” Zatte said.  “Like it or not, you’re an inspiration to these people, just like you’re an inspiration to me.  It’s going to be weird for them to see their golden hero as a real person.  I still have trouble with it sometimes, and I’ve known you for years.  I might be able to connect with them better than you can.”

Luffa continued chopping silently for a while, then at last said: “Okay, maybe you’ve got a point.  I’ll bring you along.”

Zatte began to make an excited noise, until Luffa cut her off by adding: “On one condition.  Don’t embarrass me in front of them.  Most of them still don’t know what to make of me.   The last thing I need is an oversexed Dorlun confusing them even more.”

“Of course not,” Zatte said.  “I know how you feel about public displays of affection.”

“I’m not saying you need to pretend like you don’t know me,” Luffa said.  “Handholding is fine.  No kissing, though.”

“I know the drill.”

“I mean it, Zattie.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

*******

[7 February 234 Before Age.  Nat-Chezz II.]

The Saiyans were gathered together just outside “Fort Luffa”, which was a mansion that had been donated by a wealthy Chezzi, albeit begrudgingly.  Some of them were sitting on the ground or large stones, while others had taken furniture from the mansion.    Luffa’s star-yacht was parked a hundred yards away.

There were seven in all.  Zaperc was about sixty, but Saiyans aged very little through most of their life span, and so he looked very much like his young son, Brockle.  Both were pale skinned, but Brockle was a head taller than his father, while Zaperc had a long ghoatee at the end of his chin.

Lounging on a couch was Bodi, the first Saiyan Luffa had encountered on this planet.   He kept leering at her over a pair of cheap sunglasses, and raising one of his thick eyebrows as if to convey his interest.  The last time he had tried to flirt with Luffa, she knocked the wind out of him.  Apparently that punch hadn’t gotten the message across, or he just looked like that all the time.  Luffa planned to hit him again either way.

Vigurd had a very stocky body, the sort that would strike terror into the hearts of her enemies, except that her ruddy, cherubic face had a sickly sweet innocence to it that completely undermined her attitude.  She was scowling at Luffa for giving her a bloody nose in their last encounter, but her angry expression only made her look even cuter.  It was a sad lot in life to be so adorable, but Luffa respected Vigurd’s determination to overcome her deformity.

Lesseri, on the other hand, was at least 70 inches tall, with an extremely muscular build and long shaggy hair that went down to her hips.  Her complexion was somewhat darker than Luffa’s which seemed to compliment the countours of her mesomorphic body.  Luffa was a married woman, of course, but a Saiyan with Lesseri’s physique made her consider what might have been.

Hijik was a thin, bitter-looking man with only a tuft of black hair at the center of his otherwise bare scalp.  He beady eyes regarded Luff with complete contempt.  It was obvious to her that his disdain for her ran deeper than her quick victory over their group yesterday.

Finally, there was Jikama, who barely warranted Luffa’s attention.  He had red hair and eyes, and his build was chunky, but not to the same extend at Vigurd.  Like the others he viewed Luffa with distrust, but she cared very little what any of them thought of her.  All she wanted from them now was her attention.

“You claim to be defending this planet, but none of you even sensed me coming until I was already in your lair,” Luffa said.  “I wasn’t using my full power, but I still should have been hard to miss, so I’m guessing that means none of you were paying attention.”

Zaperc was the first to speak up for the group.  “We were, uh, resting after a long patrol—“

“All seven of you?” Luffa asked.  “At the same time?  If I had been a real enemy I could have destroyed you all from orbit.”

“Where do you get off telling us how to handle ourselves?” Hijik demanded.  “I only joined this group because Zaperc said it would help me get stronger.”  He glanced at Vigurd and Lesseri before turning back to Luffa.  “But so far all I’ve gotten is an earful from a bunch of women.”

Luffa smiled.    “I thought you might have a beef with me, Hijik,” she said.  “So let’s get it out into the open.”

“You’re no Super Saiyan,” Hijik said.  “I don’t know what that transformation is, but you can’t be as strong as Chanisp was.”

“And why not?” Luffa asked.

“Because...!  Because look at you!  Everyone knows Saiyan women lack the fighting skills of men.  You can’t get angry enough to tap into your full power.    It’s simple biology!”

“Come and show me then,” Luffa said.  She held out her arm and curled in her fingers to invite him to attack.  “Unless you’re afraid.”

Vigurd and Lesseri chuckled at this.  Zaperc looked at him expectantly, but Hijik didn’t move.

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he scoffed.  “You’ll just thrash me like you did yesterday, and pretend you’ve proven me wrong.  Well let me tell you something: You women have been pushing us around long enough, and if you’re not careful—“

“Let me tell you something, Hijak,” Luffa broke in.  “You’re all talk.  I’m guessing you only threw in with Zaperc because you wanted to find some shortcut, some way to prove you’re genetically superior to half of our race.  If I were a man, you’d take that as proof that you’re further ahead than any Saiyan woman, even if they happen to be stronger than you.  But I’m not a man, am I?  So where does that leave you?  Let’s find out.”

Luffa snapped her fingers and suddenly Zatte appeared beside her, as though materializing out of thin air.  She dropped a supply bag at her feet and  waved cordially to the group.

“Who’s she?” Brockle asked.

“She’s my wife,” Luffa said.

“Oh, wonderful,” Hijik grumbled.

“Zatte isn’t very strong,” Luffa said, but she’s got some interesting abilities.  You’ve already seen how she can camouflage herself.  Even I couldn’t sense her until she revealed hersel—“

Luffa happened to glance at Zatte while she spoke, and this completely derailed her train of thought.  The Dorlun woman was wearing a one-piece swimsuit, with the words “Super Saiyan Club President” printed on the front. The rest of her outfit consisted of combat boots, a cropped leather jacket, gun holsters strapped to her bare legs, and her usual eyepatch.  She was eating a small lollipop, and occasionally adjusted the stick with her hand.

“There’s a club?” asked Vigurd.

Luffa stared at Zatte, who grinned back at her.  “We talked about this,” Luffa whispered.

“It’s hot out here,” Zatte said.  “And this is my favorite swimsuit.  Unless you wanted me to go back to the ship and get the one you seem to like so much.”  She reached out and tapped Luffa on the tip of her nose when she said "you".

“No!” Luffa said quickly, her face turning red.  “No, this is fine.”

“I knew you’d see things my way, dear,” Zatte said as she kissed Luffa on the cheek.

“Hey!” Luffa yelped.

“Enough of this!” Hijik whined.  “I didn’t come here to watch you show off your alien consort!”

"I *brought* her here as a challenge," Luffa said, suddenly regaining her focus.  "You don’t seem to eager to fight me Hijik, so why don’t you take on her?"

"That’s absurd!" Brockle objected.

"Is it?!" Luffa shouted.  "Your father was willing to do whatever I said when he thought it was in that stupid book!  Well, I flipped through it last night, and I did find a couple of things I liked.  "That line about 'Never backing down from a challenge’?"

Brockle looked to Zaperc, who nodded in agreement.

"You shouldn’t need me or anyone else to tell you that.  Least of all some alien hack who’s never set foot on a battlefield," Luffa went on.  "It should be burning in your blood.   You should be excited to fight me, Hijik, or Zatte, or anyone else who comes along.  But you’re too afraid of losing, of having to rethink your opinions."

"What species is she?" Hijik asked carefully.

"What difference does it make?" Luffa demanded.  "You’re strong enough to defeat her.    You have the advantage, which was why I planned to drop you two off in a jungle a couple thousand miles from here.    Nice game of hide and seek."

Zatte took a pistol from one of her holsters and checked the settings.  "You did say you wanted heavy stun, right?" she asked.

"Definitely," Luffa said.  "You might have to hit some of these guys twice to bring them down though."

"Whatever you say, sweetie," Zatte said.

Luffa blushed again, and a few of the other Saiyans did as well.

"Will you cut that out?" Luffa hissed.

Zatte simply grinned and checked her other weapons.

"But... I can’t sense her ki," Hijik blubbered.  "And if she can become invisible..."

Bodi suddenly stood up and removed his glasses.  "So it’s a snipe hunt?  Very well!  I accept.  Tracking pretty girls is my specialty.  Take heart, Hijik!  If this alien smells as lovely in the jungle as she does here, then the day is already won."  He struck a pose and added:  "Game Over!"

Luffa took one of Zatte’s guns and shot him Bodi in the chest.  He curled up into a ball and began groaning from the pain.

"He’s right," Luffa said.  "You can sniff her out, but don’t think that she’ll just stand still and leave an easy trail to follow.  Not to mention that she’ll be hunting you while you hunt for her.  One time she...  what is that?"

They all began curiously sniffing at the air, except for Zatte, who was spraying something onto her body.

"Camphor," Zatte said.  "It’s good insect repellent, and the smell’s kind of nice.  I always bring along way more than I need, though."

She looked at the bottle and stroked her chin.  "Well, whatever I don’t use, I can always dump onto a tree or something."

Luffa was genuinely surprised by this.  "Well," she said.   “So much for trackin her scene.   I guess you could still hear her if you pay close attention."

"None of you heard me when I put all those stinkbombs a few minutes ago," Zatte said.

Vigurd blinked twice and asked "What stinkbo-- AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!"

Suddenly they were all holding their noses and groaning as a putrid, sulfurous odor permeated the entire site.  Luffa took a step back, but she was too amazed by Zatte’s tactics to properly defend herself against them.

"I know my weaknesses," Zatte explained.  "And I take steps to compensate for them.  More importantly, I make it my business to know my enemy’s weaknesses.  You Saiyans are used to getting by with brute force solutions, but small fry like me don’t always have that luxury."

She approached Luffa and wrapped her arms around her.  Luffa was perturbed, but didn’t try to stop her.  "I’ve watched this lady do some incredible thing,” Zatte said.  “But I’ve also had to wash skunk spray off her because she didn’t think ahead.  She could blow up this whole planet, but she gets uptight if I get too affectionate around other people."

She pointed at Hijik.  "And you," she said.  "You’re more easily flustered than Luffa is, but nowhere near as strong.  The sad thing is that you’ve got a good chance of catching me in that jungle, but you’re so afraid of getting shown up by an alien woman that you’ve already mentally given up."

"This is stupid," Hijik whined.  "You two are just setting me up to fail!  Why should I play your sick game if I can’t win?"

"Because failure is the best teacher," Luffa said.  "I didn’t get this strong by being undefeated.  Neither did Chanisp or Old Darbock, or the other old heroes.  We Saiyans grow stronger when we’re pushed to our limits.  Or did you forget that because it wasn’t written in that book of yours?"

Zaperc shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You should be fortifying the planet," Luffa said.  "Drilling with each other and planning defense strategies with the local military.  I didn’t start the Federation so I could lounge around in someone else’s house all day while I waited for an easy opponent to show up at my door," Luffa said.  "I was looking for a challenge.  Something to work on.

"The Chezzi king authorized our use of the mansion," Brockle said as he pointed towards it.

"Fine, but he’s not forcing you to stay inside it all day!" Luffa replied.  "None of you were remotely prepared for a fight."

"So what?" Lesseri asked.  "You would have beaten us either way.  I told you it was stupid to stay in one place, Zaperc.  It takes away our option to retreat."

"Retreat?!" Luffa shouted.  "Is that all you think of when a strong opponent shows up?  Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

"What good is pride if I’m dead?" Lesseri said with a shrug.

"My people say the same thing," Zatte said with an understanding smile. 

Luffa shot her a dirty look and Zatte quickly added: "Sorry."

"I’l let you all in on a little secret,” Luffa said with an evil grin.  “We’re all going to die.  How and when is up to us.  Or did your mother tell you differently, Lesseri?  When she taught you to fight, did she tell you not to bother, since you’d just outlive all your enemies anyway?"

"My mother?" Lesseri scoffed.  "She abandoned me to a gestation facility as soon as she found out she was pregnant."  She raised her arm and flexed it, showing off her sizeable bicep.  "I got this far on my own."

Luffa was shocked by her words.  "Gestation facility!?" she exclaimed.

"The one on Wexloi Sigma?" Vigurd asked.

"Matter of fact, yeah," Lesseri said.

"They’ve got a good outfit there," Vigurd said.  "I had my twins gestated there."

"How could you let them do that to your own children?!" Luffa gasped.

"Let them?"  Vigurd said with a laugh.  "It was my idea, ’sweetie’.  They certainly charged me enough for it.  6500 credits just for the prenatal extraction."

"Ouch," Lesseri said.

"That’s per embryo, by the way," Vigurd added.  "Which is stupid.  It’s not like they had to do two surgeries.  And don’t get me started on the nutrient bath fees."

"That’s monstrous!" Luffa said.  "Why would you--?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Vigurd shot back.  "Lounge around the house until I gave birth to them?  Skip perfectly good battles just to nurse a pair of ungrateful brats?  Where’s your Saiyan pride?"

Luffa clenched her fists and began grinding her teeth.

"Hey, uh, maybe we need to get on with the training," Zatte said.  "I’ve got the jungle’s coordinates, so we can all just rendezvous there and get started--"

“Good point, Vigurd,” Lesseri said.   “Seize the day, I always say.   You can’t wait for your enemies to die of old age.   At least, that’s what that bitchy Super Saiyan told me.”

Luffa cut her off.  "Since you like options so much, Lesseri, I’ll give you all one.  You can either help Hijik chase Zatte in the jungle, or you can spar with me."

"Suits me fine," Lesseri said.  "I’d rather take a beating than listen to any more of your sermons."

"Fall.  Out."  Luffa said through gritted teeth.

*******

"Well, that could have gone better," Zatte said after they were gone.

Luffa didn’t answer, except to make a low growl.

"I’m, uh, sorry for how I acted," Zatte said.  "I was trying to get a psychological edge, and I figured if I could throw you off balance, then I could definitely rattle them."

"You were great, Zattie," she said.  "Took me a while to catch on, but you’re a genius.  You knew just what buttons to push."

"Oh, well... thanks.  Listen, we knew they’d be rough around the edges.  They’re angry and disillusioned, and we’re gonna have to break them down before we can build them back up.  So don’t let anything they say get to you--"

"That’s not it," Luffa muttered."

"Then what’s wrong?" Zatte said.

Luffa looked at her and sighed.  Her expression was as wild and resolute as ever, but Zatte couldn’t help but noticed a weariness in Luffa’s eyes.

"I’m not sure what’s wrong," Luffa said grimly.  "But I’m starting to think it might be me."

NEXT: The Games We Play

[ruluxe]

Copy & Paste a WIP and Tag 10 People

Tagged by @magicandmalice 

Uuh, this got a little long but I couldn’t decide on an excerpt. Also! Not tagging anyone bc it’s been so long I don’t know anyone on here anymore lol. Feel free to tag me in this if you want to do it tho! 

"Ah, si sta parlando inglese. Who summoned me?" asks the shadow, this time in heavily accented English. He sounds lackadaisical like he's been through this sort of exchange one too many times.

"Summoned you?" Joseph parrots, cocking his head to the side. "Looks like we got us another crazy here, eh Smokey."

Smokey slowly reaches into the back pocket of his jeans. Joseph knows what he's going for. "Hey man, I asked you somethin'! Who are you and what're you doin' here?"

"And I asked you a question," the man says, sounding quite sane for a mad man. "Who called me out?"

"We have no idea what you're talking about," Smokey says as he looks to Joseph. Joseph signals for him to remain calm and not pull out the switchblade he knows Smokey carries but is terrified of using. "No one called you, man."

The stranger sighs. "Just my luck... un paio di idioti."

Joseph grins as he cracks his knuckles. "Not sure what language you're speakin' but I'm pretty sure you just called us a couple of idiots. Why don't ya come out of the shadows there mate and show us your ugly mug."

Smokey stays where he is, crouched protectively over his belongings as Joseph takes a few more steps into the alley. The silhouette moves too, moving towards Joseph in a graceful stride that makes him appear like he's floating. When he finally steps into a streak of sunlight, Joseph gets a better look at the man. He's wearing a diamond checkered top hat, fashioned lopsidedly on his head and its pattern matches his waistcoat. The jacket he wears looks like it's made of crushed velvet, rich burgundy in colour, like a fine merlot. His pants appear to be normal black slacks, slightly oversized and stuffed into black knee-high boots. His hands are sheathed in fingerless leather gloves with brass bulbs on the knuckles.

He looks like a ridiculous magician, Joseph scoffs inwardly. Like a mad hatter.

"Right well. This bloke is definitely not right in the head, eh Smokey. Let's split."

Smokey rushes to gather his things, the items clanking against each other as he wraps them back up in his jacket.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" the man asks, tilting his head to the side that mimics the slide of his crooked grin. As he does this, the illumination clears the brim of his hat and reveals the upper part of the man's face. Light catches his eye and it gleams an unnaturally raw emerald. Below his eye is some sort of purplish smudge, triangular in shape. It's too bright to be a bruise or a tattoo.

Joseph makes a fist and grinds it into the palm of his hand. "You sure you wanna keep bein' a prick?"

"C'mon, JoJo," Smokey urges, cradling the bundle of junk in his arms.

"Be my guest," the stranger lilts, sweeping his hand in the air as if he's allowing them safe passage.

Joseph laughs nervously and an unsettling feeling begins to bubble in his gut. "You're off, mate. Let's get out of here, Smokey." He takes a few steps back, never taking his eyes off the man and waits for Smokey to get a good distance behind him. The man doesn't move and watches Joseph retreat without expression. Joseph doesn't think he even blinks. Once his back clears the mouth of the alley and there's a good forty-somewhat feet in between the weirdo and them, Joseph finally turns to Smokey and whispers, "Run."

Smokey doesn't need to be told twice, he takes off like someone's just lit a fire under his ass and Joseph isn't too far behind. The heavy knot in his stomach keeps nagging him to look over his shoulder but that same knot is preventing him from doing so. Anxious adrenaline courses through his veins and his blood rushes between his ears.

"I left the crystal ball!" Smokey yells apologetically but he too doesn't look over his shoulder to see if Joseph is following him.

"Forget the bloody thing!" Joseph shouts back, his chest pulling tight as his lungs struggle to retain a steady stream of oxygen. "That guy probably followed us from the market lookin' to get that junk back for that old bat — or he was lookin' to make a quid himself!"

"I thought you said this stuff was worthless!"

"Never said that mad hatter thought the same thing now, did I?"

Smokey looks back over his shoulder again and grins wildly. "He did look like a mad hatter, didn't he?"

"As mad as they come," Joseph agrees, leaping over tin garbage pail rolled out in the middle of the sidewalk. They're nearing a street corner and this being New York, Joseph knows there's gotta be a vendor on it. He could really use a Coke right now. "Hey — didn't he kinda remind you of a ringmaster? Y'know, like the bloke that runs the circus?"

Smokey laughs. "Yeah, he did! Maybe that woman in the market was a carnie or something. Maybe there's like, a band of them..."

The pounding of his heart drowns Smokey out as Joseph dares a glance over his shoulder. The streets are crowded as usual but there is no oddly dressed man in a top hat in pursuit. For this, Joseph breathes a sigh of relief and he's about to turn around to share this news with his friend when he knocks into something head-on. There's a hollow clattering on concrete and when Joseph catches up with what just happened, he sees that he's run into Smokey and knocked him onto the sidewalk.

"S-Smokey!" Joseph stutters as he scurries to pick up his friend from the ground. Then he stops short when he sees the reason for Smokey's abrupt stop.

The stranger is somehow in front of them, standing with his arms crossed and a fist curled under his chin. His eyes are closed, his expression reads annoyance as he sighs heavily.

"What in the hell," Joseph starts as grabs Smokey's arm to pull him up. His friend's eyes are just about bugging wide out of his head, his mouth agape in shock. Smokey looks like he's just seen a ghost. "Where the hell did you just come from — how the bloody hell did you do that?!"

"We have a problem here," the man states, opening his eyes finally. "If —"

"Now look here you —"

"If both of you can see me," the man continues, "then that means both of you touched the crystal ball at the same time."

Joseph scrunches his nose in disdain. "What are you on about?"

The stranger sighs again, this time more exasperated. "The crystal ball? You gentlemen rubbed it?"

"Y-yeah, we rubbed it," Smokey stutters, finally breaking his awed silence. "So?"

"Well here I am, you've summoned me, granter of wishes. Unfortunately, that is a problem because only there can only be one wisher at a time."

A sardonic laugh erupts from Joseph. "Oh my god. Are you saying you're some kind of genie? Like Arabian Nights, the magic lamp and all that crock?"

The man clucks his tongue. "Not genie, jinni. And it was a crystal ball, not a lamp. Are you blind as well as stupid?"

"Who're you callin' stupid?" asks Joseph, pushing up his shirt sleeves. "You expect us to believe you're a genie — jinni whatever, same difference — and we're the stupid ones?"

"I rubbed it," Smokey says quietly. "Remember, JoJo? With the scarf."

"Yeah, I remember but this bloke isn't a genie, Smokey. He's some mad man that followed us and saw you rub the stupid ball with the scarf. He's just tryin' to have a go at us so that we'll give him the stuff you looted."

"Try me," the man challenges.

Joseph nudges his friend's shoulder. "Just give him the junk, Smokey. Supper's in an hour, let's get on with it."

"Wait, JoJo," Smokey says, tugging on Joseph's sleeve. “Let's see if this guy's really telling the truth."

Joseph can feel the heat of eyes all around him and when he chances a look, the passersby on the sidewalk all seem to be giving Smokey and him a look that says they ought to be locked up in the local loony bin. Perhaps they aren't looking at them but rather at the man dressed like a ringleader but when Joseph follows their judging stares, none lead back to the strange man claiming to be a genie. "Right well... if you're going to have at it then let's get out of the middle of the street, yeah? People are lookin' at us like we're the ones who are mad."

Smokey nods and retreats a few feet to the nearest alleyway with Joseph and the man following.

"You got a name, genie man?" asks Joseph.

"Caesar," he answers without skipping a beat. "Caesar Zeppeli."

"Sounds like quite the unimaginative stage name," Joseph mutters scornfully.

"I wouldn't expect a brute like you to understand what's in a name," Caesar replies.

"I should make you eat one of these bloody pigeons for tryin' to take advantage of my friend," snaps Joseph.

"Please. I bet you couldn't even fight off a woman."

"Why the hell would I wanna fight a woman, you twit?!"

"Guys!" Smokey interrupts, stopping once he's hidden in the dark of the alley. "This will take five minutes, JoJo. Once this guy proves he's a fake, we can leave, okay? I just wanna see what he's got."

Joseph makes a face, "Yeah, he's a fake alright. Some wannabe street magician that should be workin' in Vegas by the name of The Great Zeppeli —"

"Actually, my grandfather was a magician of sorts in his time and he went by the name of Zeppeli the Eccentric," Caesar says pointedly, pulling on the brim of his top hat. "This used to be his."

"Thanks for that useless piece of information."

"JoJo, please."

Joseph sighs defeat and slumps against the dry brick of an old building. He uses one foot pressed into the wall to prop himself up. "Well — we're waiting," he says to Caesar expectedly.

"Before we begin, there are a few rules we must go over," Caesar announces.

"Of course there are," Joseph mumbles, rolling his eyes. Both Smokey and Caesar give him a look and Joseph says nothing more on the subject.

Caesar clears his throat. "There are rules to wishes that the jinn and wisher must abide by. The first one being I cannot grant a wish that interferes with free will."

"What does that mean?" asks Smokey, raising a brow.

"I cannot make someone fall in love with you or hurt themselves in any matter. Anything that a subject would not do otherwise with their own free will. Understand?"

What a crock of shit, Joseph thinks.

"Yes," Smokey croaks.

"Secondly, I cannot make something from nothing. The third rule is that no wish may change the natural order of life and death and bring one who is dead back to life, nor can I cause one's death."

"Yeah, I got it," Smokey interjects with an audible gulp. “Free will.”

[andromeda3116]

ohhh man, would you be down for han/leia "we hate each other but we were invited to a mutual friend’s party and were warned to be civil so you complimented my costume and fuck you, i haven’t changed yet"?

ohohohohohohoho bless you, anon. i didn’t realize that this screamed han and leia until you sent me this and wow does it scream han and leia or what

.

.

“You know, you go on and on about how much you hate Han,” Bodhi mused, trying with little success to untangle some gauzy spider-web decoration that had apparently been sitting in a box in Jyn’s closet all year, “but you really seem to enjoy arguing with him. Every time we hang out, you go straight to him and start a fight.”

“I do not,” Leia snapped, scowling and crossing her arms. (She did. She knew that she did. But something about that arrogant twit’s face set her teeth on edge, and in her defense, he gave nearly as good as he got.) “He’s an obnoxious ass. I don’t know why Luke insists on bringing him around.”

“Han isn’t a bad guy,” Bodhi replied, sighing and giving up on the spider-web. “He tries too hard sometimes, but he’s always looking out for us. You should give him a chance.”

“I have tried to give him chances,” she muttered, and Bodhi rolled his eyes, making a noise of frustration in the back of his throat.

“Look, it’s my apartment and I say that if you and Han get into another screaming match in my living room, I’m kicking both of you out for good,” he said. “Be civil for one night, will you?”

Leia growled, but then threw up her hands in exasperation. “Fine. Fine! I’ll be nice.”

“Thank you,” Bodhi said, and smiled, and almost made it worth it.

.

Han was apparently going for “fashionably late”, which was something Leia would have noticed if she had been paying attention to whether or not he had arrived yet, which she definitely had not been doing, thank you, Luke. He showed up, looking disheveled, around eight, and Leia decided to start off on the right foot.

“I like your costume,” she said gamely, gesturing with her wineglass. He blinked at her.

“Excuse me?”

“Space hobo, right?” she suggested, and snapped her fingers, trying to remember the name of the show. “From that cartoon? With the robot and the aliens?”

“Space hobo?” he repeated, and a small, creeping feeling began to snake up Leia’s spine.

“You know,” she went on, desperate not to show the deep, suspicious horror rising in her gut, “the one with the guy who falls into cryo-sleep for a thousand years? It’s got the cyclops-girl with purple hair. Luke has all the seasons.”

Han started to speak, stopped, and shook his head slowly before stalking past, leaving her standing at the door, wide-eyed and cringing. “Un-fucking-believable,” he muttered, and she wondered if it was possible to will herself through the floor and into the Earth’s core. “You can’t even let up for one night?”

She finished her wine immediately, then got another glass and began working her way through it much faster than she really ought to, which caught Jyn’s attention.

“What happened?” she asked, and Leia looked at her.

“I was trying to be nice,” she snapped, running a hand over her face. She was vaguely aware that she was probably more embarrassed than she really should have been, considering that only Han had heard her total fuck-up, and even though he would be sure to tell other people, she could probably come up with a way to turn it around, or at least laugh it off. But she was mortified. “I complimented Han’s costume.”

“Oh, I thought he’d left it with Bodhi,” Jyn said, and Leia winced into her wine. “He had to work late, or something. It’s clever, a little obscure, but clever.”

“Is it?” she said faintly. Jyn stared at her, as she took another deep drink. “I thought he was already dressed,” she admitted, closing her eyes. “There’s a character in a show, it’s a space hobo, he wears that same kind of scarf and coat, I thought – “

“Oh,” Jyn replied, looking like she was trying not to laugh and only barely succeeding.

“I was trying to be nice,” Leia repeated, voice unnaturally high.

.

“Look, I’m sorry,” she slurred, trying to drink enough water to magically undo the wine from earlier. Han – his costume actually was clever, once she’d figured out where it was from, he was “the Ghost of a Texas Ladies’ Man” from some obscure nineties song, in a white leisure suit and white face-paint and a fake mustache – scowled at her. “I really am. I didn’t mean anything by it. Your costume really is good. I mean your real one. But you could have come as a space hobo and it still would have been good.”

“How much have you had?” he asked, actually sounding a bit concerned, and she pressed the bottle of water to her forehead.

“Not enough to forget completely humiliating myself at the start of the party,” she replied fervently, and almost missed the way he seemed to war with himself before settling on a sympathetic expression.

“Don’t… worry about it, Princess,” he said, patting her on the shoulder and pulling another bottle of water out of the cooler. “I’ve been needing a new coat for a couple of years,” he added in a mutter, and she groaned. Goddammit. He wasn’t supposed to be nice. Why was he better at being civil than she was?

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, sighing. “Bodhi asked me to be nice but apparently I’m awful at nice.”

“You’re being nice right now,” he offered, shrugging.

She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Great,” she said irritably. “The trick is to humiliate myself and get toasted.”

“Why do insist on taking everything I say the wrong way?” he grumbled, crossing his arms.

“I do not insist – “

“Yes, you do! You know what I think?” he asked, then answered himself, leaning in closer. “I think you have feelings for me and you don’t know what to do with them.”

“Excuse me?” she snarled, stepping forward, and opened her mouth to launch into a tirade about how wrong he was, God, what an asshole, how dare he – but then someone in yellow robes literally swept in-between them.

“Ah, Princess Leia!” Chirrut said brightly, taking her by the arm. “I would be honored if you would show me to the kitchen, your majesty.”

She scowled. It was transparent, since Chirrut had been here several times before and knew his way around, but at the same time, she had rarely needed an exit strategy so badly before.

With what dignity she could muster, she gathered her wide skirts in her free hand and stalked away with the blind man.

“He thinks I have feelings for him,” she muttered, half to herself and half to Chirrut, who released her arm in the kitchen and began opening a new bag of chips. How he knew which ones he was grabbing before he opened them – or, indeed, if he cared – was beyond her.

“Is he wrong?” Chirrut asked, and Leia spluttered indignantly. “I am going to translate that as no.”

“I do not have feelings for Han,” she hissed.

“Hmm,” he mused, then sized upon an opportunity as Jyn walked in for another drink. “Ah, an object lesson,” he said, and both Leia and Jyn looked at him in confusion. “Jyn, do you have feelings for Han?”

Jyn made a face, and replied, “No?” sounding a bit lost. “He’s all right, but not my type. Why?”

Leia bit her tongue. Object lesson, right.

“Simply proving a point to her majesty,” he answered, smiling.

“Oh,” Jyn said, and it actually sounded like that had made sense to her. “You’re still in denial?” she asked Leia, who clenched her jaw tightly.

“In denial of what, Erso?” she snapped, and Jyn snorted.

“Nevermind,” she said, rolling her eyes and stalking back out of the kitchen with the last of a bottle of wine.

“I’m over this party,” Leia muttered darkly, readjusting her tiara with some force, as Chirrut shook his head.

“I cannot say if the two of you would be well-matched,” he said, as though it was a conversation she was at all willing to have. “But I do think you should try. Where there are sparks, there is usually flame. Han is a good man, and he cares for you very deeply.”

“Han hates me,” she countered, incredulous, but Chirrut only raised an eyebrow.

“He goes to a lot of trouble to be around you, if he hates you.”

And with that, the kitchen had officially become More Awkward than the living room, so she made a noncommittal noise and fled the scene before anyone else could show up and start talking romance to her.

She stalked up to her brother, wearing a rather ridiculous costume, which, judging by his uncomfortable shifting in the tights, he seemed to be regretting. “Why does everyone think I have a thing for Han?” she snapped, and Luke gave her a look as though wondering if she was joking.

“You’re obsessed with him,” he replied slowly. “Every time we hang out, you go straight to him and pick a fight.”

“I do not,” she cried, and Luke raised an eyebrow, sipping his drink out of the skull-shaped mug he’d brought with him as a prop.

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” he said lightly, and, at her outraged glare, shrugged. “What? I’m Hamlet, I’m quoting Hamlet.”

She clenched her jaw and crossed her arms tightly. “I’m going home,” she snarled. Luckily, most of them lived in the same complex, so she only had to walk up a couple of flights of stairs to get there – which was good, considering she was still very not-sober, in spite of all the water.

“All right,” he replied, giving her a one-armed hug. “Test me when you get home.”

“Sure,” she muttered, a little sullen, and started for the door.

“Don’t lose a shoe on the stairs,” Luke called after her, and she flipped him off without turning back.

“You’re leaving?” Han asked, catching her as she snatched up her purse near the door.

“Yes,” she growled, and he made a face.

“Let me walk you.”

She almost threw her purse down in frustration. “It’s two flights of stairs and a hallway,” she growled. “I can walk myself.”

Her argument was somewhat diminished by her stumbling as the door opened much easier than she’d expected. She didn’t fall, and almost managed to draw herself up like she’d meant to do that, but it was a nasty blow to the dignity all the same.

“Are you sure?” Han deadpanned, and she rolled her eyes.

“Good night, Han,” she snapped and he threw up his hands.

“Fine, whatever,” he muttered. “Text somebody when you get home.”

She waved him off and stalked back to her apartment.

Feelings for Han, she thought darkly, wrenching open the door. Yeah, right.

.

The hangover was finally starting to pass when someone knocked on her door. She answered it wearily, clutching her coffee like a lifeline, to see Han standing there, with –

“You left your shoes.”

In his hand was the pair of sparkly and very uncomfortable shoes that she’d taken off shortly after arriving to the party, then promptly forgotten all about. Jyn had let her borrow a pair of her flats after taking one look at the spike heel.

With a dark look and a tight, “Thank you,” she took them back from him and closed the door.

“You’re welcome,” he said loudly, from the hall, and she glared at the heels.

Goddammit.

[noahbanfieldfestival-blog]

The History Of Twitter and Instagram

Instagram

Instagram was launched on the 6th October 2010. It was developed by Kevin Systron and Mike Krieger. Kevin Systron was working in marketing during the day and studying engineering in the evening to learn how to do coding.He created a prototype app which he called Burbn. While at a party he meet venture capitalists and got them to agree to a meeting to discuss Burbn further. After this meeting  he quit his job and raised $500,000 to continue his ideas.

He asked Mike Krieger to join him, they decided that the app that had been produced so far had very similar features to another app that was on the market and agreed to produce an app revolved around communication using images. They removed all the features from the original app except for uploading photos, commenting and liking. They renamed the app ‘Instagram’. They came up with this name as it referred  to the fact users were sending a type if instant telegrams. The app took only 8 weeks to build and a year to build it up and launch it.  The app worked instantly, it soon became the no:1 photography app, gathering 100,000 users in one week and gained 1 million uses in 2 months

On the 16th July 2010, Kevin Systron posted his Instagram photo. . In January 2011, hashtags were added to Instagram to help users discover photographers and links to people who shared the same interests in photography.  On April 2012 Instagram became available for android phones as an app and it was downloaded more than 1 million times in less than one day. By April 2012 Instagram had over 50 million active users monthly.

 In 2012 Facebook bought the app for 1 billion $ and it now has over 600 million users and still growing. By February 2013 there were over 100 million active users. In May 2013 Instagram introduced photo tagging. On the 13th June 2013, video sharing was launched.  In November 2013, Instagram introduced sponsored post, this allowed companies to have an advert on someone’s feed. In December 2013, Instagram adds ‘direct’, a feature that allows users to send photos to a specific person directly from the app. In March 2014, Instagram had 200 million active users. By September 2015, Instagram had over 400 million active monthly users. In February 2016, Instagram enabled users to switch between multiple accounts. In May 2016, Instagram introduced new icons from a simple camera to a rainbow coloured icon to make it look more attractive to the user. In March 2017, Instagram announced that it had over 1 million active advertisers. On the 20th June 2018, Instagram launched IGTV, which allowed video to be uploaded that could run for up to one hour. On the 10th December 2018, Instagram introduced a voice messaging feature in ‘direct messages’.

The demographics for Instagram as of September 2018 were:

Age 13-17 - 57 million users

Age 18-24 - 270 million users

Age 25-34 - 270 million users

Age 35-44 - 131 million users

Age 45-54 - 68 million users

Age 55-64 - 30 million users

Age 65+  18.3 million users

The number of businesses on Instagram in 2017 was 25 million.

Twitter

Twitter was created in March 2006 by three entrepreneurs, Jack Dawsey, Biz Stone and Evan Williams. The first ever twit was sent by Jack Dawsey and said “just set up my first twttr”. It was originally designed as a SMS communication platform were groups if friends could see what each other were up to.  To get the company really recognised in 2007, the company used a marketing plan to display streaming twitter messages on large screens at the South by Southwest festival. Users went from 20,000 to 60,000 per day. 

Tweets were originally restricted to 140 characters, this was at the request of mobile characters and not an idea by Twitter but Twitter decided to keep with the idea. Their view of the app was to just give people small amounts of details that would then encourage people to comment and post themselves. 

Many celebrities use Twitter and have large followings, these include:

Katy Perry - 107,090,707 followers

Justin Berber -105,212,424 followers

Rihanna - 90,303,240

Taylor swift - 83,188,944

Lady Gaga - 78,402,056

As at January 6th 2019, Twitter had 326 million active monthly users. Total number of tweets per day 500 million. Percentage of Twitter users on mobile 80%. Number of Twitter daily active users 100 million users. The Uk make up 13 million of the users. 37% of Twitter users are between the ages of 18-29, 25% of users are between 30-49. 74% of Twitter users say that they use the site to get their news. 85% of small to medium businesses use Twitter to provide customer service. In 2015 more than 100 million tweets contained GIF’s. In 2017 more than 830 events were streamed live. 83% of UN member countries have a Twitter presence. 

[haunted-alien]

so i did an ask reblog and @lamentedandmalcontented has requested for me to do all of them. and as they know, i never back down from a challenge. NEVER. (lmao) so let’s do this!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Seen My Man(Trixie Mattel), Mr. Know It All(Young the Giant), The Calender(Panic! at the Disco), Somebody to Love(Queen), That’s Life(Frank Sinatra), Monster(Kayne West ft. Nicki Minaj)

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Michlle Obama

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “Wings, and no eyes, figure unheedy haste”

4: What do you think about most? death lmao

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Do we need coffee creamer do you know”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with

7: What’s your strangest talent? im not sure. im pretty boring lol

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? nope

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? i cant even remember

11: Do you have any strange phobias? not any strange ones

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? yes....

13: What’s your religion? prefer not to say

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? probably relaxing with a cup of coffee

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind :)

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? i cant answer this

17: What was the last lie you told? yeah im doing great

18: Do you believe in karma? yes

19: What does your URL mean? it is pretty self explanitory. spooky extra terrestrials 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? weakness: my emotions. strength: willpower 

21: Who is your celebrity crush? kate mckinnon

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? nope

23: How do you vent your anger? internalize that shit

24: Do you have a collection of anything? gems and healing stones!

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? video chatting

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? yes and im excited to see where i go

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? love: mechanical keyboards and acoustic guitar. hate: racism

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if i just died?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. right: my monitor, left: my glass of water

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? my seaside candle

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? the inside of a heroins addicts house

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? east coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? brenden urie

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? 42

36: Define Art. complicated and subjective

37: Do you believe in luck? kind of?

38: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy with a chance of rain

39: What time is it? it is 7:33pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? i do drive and i have never crashed

41: What was the last book you read? a midsummer’s night dream

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? i do

43: Do you have any nicknames? alien

44: What was the last film you saw? i believe it was moana

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? i skinned my face

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? yes :)

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? d&d

48: What’s your sexual orientation? bisexual

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? many times

50: Do you believe in magic? in a way

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? i try not too but i can be pretty petty

52: What is your astrological sign? scorpio

53: Do you save money or spend it? save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? my new computer!

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? no....

57: How many relationships have you had? one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no, i wish

59: Where were you yesterday? i was home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? some pink running shoes

61: Are you wearing socks right now? yup

62: What’s your favourite animal? orangutans 

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? sarcasm i suppose

64: Where is your best friend? at their home

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. @maryarty @bestbewaremysting @hammertimeinthegrill420 @yourlocalvodkaaunt @thatsthat24

66: What is your heritage? Irish, Italian, and Slovakian

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? watchin youtube i think

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? i think that is his last name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? .......

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? im honestly not sure

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a)no, just tell the people that should know b) try to settle my life and worries c) i dont think so

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? seen my man by trixie mattel

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 0844

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? love, trust, humor 

77: How can I win your heart? be nice to me and like me back

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes but also getting the help you need is more important

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? talking to the pretty girl who gave a presentation on fanfiction

80: What size shoes do you wear? 9

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “i wanted to be cremated you twits”

82: What is your favourite word? soft

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. beat

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “fuck” “fcuking shit”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? currently listening to told you so by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? black, white, blue

87: What is your current desktop picture? kermit the frog

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? kim jong un

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? if *that person* asked if i liked them

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? panic, wonder where the hell they came from

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? honestly i feel like the most practical is endless money

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? prom with *that person*

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? being locked in my room while my parents screamed at each other for hours

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? probably lana del rey

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? london

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? yes

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? yes many times

98: Ever been on a plane? yup

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? please just be kind to one another and please just listen to each other. if everyone actually listened, we would be in a much better place

my goodness that was a lot! if any of you suffered through that, hi :) anyway that is them all! 

[deasn]

Avengers fanfiction part 2

Let me repeat it: this is the first fanfiction I ever wrote in English, which is not my first language - please forget the mistakes :) And let me know what you think about it!

This is part 2, part 1 is here :)

A crazy scientist had the great idea to try recreating a dinosaur, mixing his genes with the ones of some kind of bird - it had to be that way, because the result was more like a dragon than anything else. Great. Really. The alarm made them suit up and go before they had the chance to ask Alex what he meant. Even if it was pretty obvious. Steve sighed and made sure the scientist was in SHIELD’s hands, smiling at Tony who was taking care of the press, helped by Natasha. Thor was waving at everyone he found cheering and Clint was collecting every arrow that had survived the fight. Bruce was already on the Quinjet, with tea in his hands and a blanket on his shoulders. Steve was tired. And curious. He wanted to go at the Tower, and above all he wanted to find out what the kid meant. What happened. “Home,” he started saying. “We should…” Tony grinned at him. “Not a word, Cap. Pepper will be here in two minutes. She’ll handle everything and we’ll be back home.” It was, of course, Tony’s house and he had all the rights to call it “home”… But the fact that Steve thought about it in the same way caused him to have chills all over his body. “Friday?” he called. “Miss Potts will be here in… Now, sir.” So they went back to the Tower, where Bucky, Jane and Darcy had stayed to control Alex and Rey. They found them on the couch, watching the news as their lives depended on it, and when they realized the Avengers were there - hair still wet from the showers - Alex and Rey jumped on feet, looking at them with a relieved expression. “You’re okay,” Alex murmured. He seemed surprised and so, so happy… It made Steve’s heart break a little. “You doubted us?” Tony joked. He bent to look for his whiskey and Steve had to keep himself from droling. “Actually… Yes.” Everyone went quiet. “We’re dead,” Natasha stated. Clint was still on his spot, while Darcy, who was probably twitting something, lowered her cellphone. “Oh,” she mumbled. Bucky walked at her side and touched her arm, winking when she looked at him. Steve frowned - he never realised that… He was an idiot. How could he not see… Natasha caught his eyes and chuckled. Bucky and Darcy?, he tried to tell her silently. “I think we should all eat dinner and then go to sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow,” Bruce proposed. “No way,” Tony answered. “Friday has already ordered pizza, so in a few minutes we can eat - while we talk about the other universe.” “Tony, I’m curious too,” Bruce admitted. “But we have all the time in the world.” “No, we haven’t,” he argued. “I mean, yeah, but com’on!” “There’s not a lot to say,” Alex groaned. He was holding his sister and Steve felt that, for once, he was doing it for himself and not for her. “You okay, son?” he asked. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe he should have stayed quiet - because Alex’s entire body tensed and his eyes got filled by tears, those kind of tears that come from a man who never allows himself to cry. His sister moved without a breath. She hugged him from the side and kissed his cheek, almost climbing him to reach it. She closed her eyes when Alex hugged her back. “Sorry,” he murmured, repeating himself louder. “It’s just… We’ve been alone for years. It’s strange to be… I don’t know, it’s just strange to have someone ready to take care of you. Expecially you, guys.” “It’s okay,” Bruce smiled. “We understand.” “I doubt it,” Alex continued lowly and only Steve and Bucky, with the enchanted hearing, were able to notice. “Okay, so, HYDRA?” Tony grunted, pizzas now in his hands. They sat and started eating in a curious silence, waiting for an answer. It was undeniable that the kids were immediately more tensed and it wasn’t hard to understand the reason. Tony said they chose the most damaged world, the most damaged people… None of them could ever forget what the kids had been trough. “I don’t really know where to start. I guess… I guess we can start from you. From here,” Alex murmured. “There was a cradle. You,” and he looked at Tony, “created a crib, a cradle. It was meant to hold a fetus for nine months… Until the baby was ready to… Be born.”

Tony was astonished. A baby. He had wanted a kid? Did he wanted a kid? They cry and they smell… And he would never, ever be a good father. He didn’t even know where to start! Steve patted him on the back. “Breathe, Tony.” “Keep going, son,” he smirked to Alex, who blushed. “One day, years after you built the cradle, HYDRA got into the Tower. They were inside the SHIELD, so I guess it wasn’t really hard for them…” his voice faded, as he was lost in his memories. “They stole a bunch of stuff. You were more worried for other things, but in the end… In the end it was the cradle, that gave more problems. They change it. An engeneer, Hammer, change it for HYDRA.” Natasha was writing something on a Starkpad; maybe a report, Tony thought. He was glad he had proves that this conversation had happened. “HYDRA’s attacks got worse. More victims, more damages. Then un-Clint disappeared.” Everyone looked at him and Clint froze, pizza in his mouth and his hands, and eyes wide open in shock.
“W-t a- ho-?” he asked. “He means “what and how”,” Natasha supplied. Rey was nodding, sad. She looked as she was about to talk, but she stopped almost chocking on her words. So she can talk, Tony thought. “How did it happen?” Steve inquired. “We don’t know for sure. He, Daredevil and The Thing disappeared in a month… Then Ultron appeared.” The room got filled by silence. No one was sure what to say, how to react… But Tony had to. “I create it,” he murmured. “Not HYDRA. I mean, at least in this world - I created Ultron. It’s my fault.” Rey and Alex looked at him like he was a ghost. Then surprise was took over by sadness. “I caused a lot of-” “No,” Alex hissed. “No way. Not in our world, not for us. You didn’t, you…” there was panic in his eyes - and in Rey’s too. She was having difficultes to breathe. “Rey, Rey! Relax,” Alex almost shouted, taking her chin between his hands. “It’s okay, he’s…” “Ultron’s been taken care of. There’s nothing to worry about,” Natasha reassured them. She moved foward, looking at the kids’ eyes with an unreadable face. “Wait. You mean Ultron is… Dead?” “Yeah,” Steve smirked. “With Vision and the twins’ help we managed to destroy i-him? It? Anyway, we almost lost Pietro, but his dad arrived with the X-Men just in time.” Alex’s face was full of shock - and happiness. “He’s okay,” he whispered. He then bit his lips and lowered his head. “Good. I mean. Glad to hear that.” He looked like he was trying to convince anyone that he didn’t really care, - not more than the necessary - but all the Avengers were able to say that he did. His smile was screaming in joy. “Yeah, so… Ultron’s dead. Tony - with Bruce’s help,” Steve added, refusing to look at any of them, “made a mistake, but we fixed it.” The kids looked so relieved it hurt to look at them. Rey, in particular, had her mouth slightly open. She was trying to talk again - and they all wondered how her voice would have been. But she did not speak; it was a painful scene to watch. All Steve wanted to do, at that point, was hold her and make sure she was okay. However, she was looking at Tony, tears in her eyes. “You okay, kiddo?” Tony smirked. Food was already finished and forgotten, and he had some cables and electronic pieces in his hands. He was playing with them, incapable of being still. She shot his fingers a look and, probably with all her courage, she took every little piece and started twisting them around. “Ultron’s gone,” Alex was repeating. When the concept finally got under his skin, he turned to talk to his sister… And found out she had built a little robotic eagle; it moved its wings and Rey smiled, delighted. “You’re good,” Tony nodded. She blushed and hid her shaking hands - but almost everyone noticed it anyway. Tony studied the eagle and, after a thoughtful moment, he gave it to Steve. “It suits you,” he smiled. Alex looked very conflicted for a second, before sitting back on the couch and smiling sadly. “The story isn’t really… Well… Superheroes started disappearing, day after day. And then…” “Then what?” Jane asked. “Then Ultron and his army showed up with Cyclops’ powers. Then with Mr. Fantastic’s.” “He took the abilities of everyone he kidnapped?” Bucky murmured, making sure he understood well. Alex nodded. “Kidnapped. Tortured. Experimented on.” He took a deep breath. “One by one.” “After six months, only few of you were still here, still fighting. Then…” he choked and shot a look at his sister, who was shivering, hands covering her face. “Let’s say that… Your body,” and he nodded to Tony, “was found. Only Nat, Bucky, Bruce and… Steve were alive at that point. I mean in the Avengers.” Rey patted her brother’s arm and made him look at her, moving her right hand as it was a needle. “What?” Jane asked, uncapable of stopping herself. Thor smiled behind her back. “Yeah, right. HYDRA - or Ultron, they were connected - found a way to separate Bruce from The Hulk,” Alex mumured. He blushed from discomfort. Everyone was quite for a second. Then chaos started. “How is it possible?!” someone shouted. “Someone created… Bruce, let’s go to the lab!” “I’ll call Fury. If HYDRA knows how to do that, we have to know.” “Guys,” Bruce smiled sweetly, stopping everyone to talk even more. “There’s no need. I don’t… I don’t want to have hope when in our world it’s impossible to…” “It is not,” Rey smiled. And her smile broke down in shock. She covered her mouth with a hand, while the other clenched on her brother’s arm. “You talked,” he murmured, shocked as she was. “Y-you talked! You haven’t done that in years, years! I ca-can’t believe it. You talked!” he shouted, jumping on his feet and forcing Rey to stand up as well. He hugged her and danced and laughed, and it was so full of joy that it made everyone smile - or, in Darcy’s and Steve’s case, hide the tears. “Talk again!” he  ordered her. “Please.” She stopped smiling at that. It’s simple, Steve thought. That “it is not” she blurted was totally unexpected, and just because she finally said something it didn’t mean she was now able to fully talk. Whatever made her silent was still there - it just broke down for a second. “Why don’t you try again tomorrow?” Bruce proposed, still impressed and full of doubts at the same moment. “You really think you can help me?” he asked. After few moments of silence and doubt, Rey nodded. Then she shrugged, as to say “at least I’ll give it a shot”. “If someone can find out a way, that’s Rey. And she studied some of HYDRA’s and Ultron’s files,” Alex smiled widely. They shared a look and he bit his lips. “The least she can do is try.” Bruce eyes were filled with tears when he turned his face, doing his best to hide them. “Impressive,” Tony giggled, amazed. Those kids were awesome… But how could she create a new serum, how could she be that smart?! “What’s your IQ?” he blurted. Alex answered for her. “Couple of points less than yours.” “And what about you?” Tony asked. Steve shot him a look that said “no one cares, IQ isn’t all”, but Tony ignored him as a good Stark would have done. “Not quite as much,” Alex admitted, “but still pretty good. I’m just… Not really into those things. I’m more of a… Tactical kind of clever.” “Isn’t it funny?” Natasha smiled, looking at Bucky and Clint, who both turned so fast they almost snapped their own necks. Bucky grinned when Alex blushed so much he became as red as Tony’s suit, while Clint was using ASL to talk to Natasha without speaking. Unnoticed, Rey and Alex started to hold each other’s hand, breaking apart just in order to yawn. “Why don’t you two go to sleep, and finish your story tomorrow?” Steve smiled, patting Alex’s knees and winking at Rey. “Wait, what?” Tony exclamed. “You can’t send them to bed! We want to know!”
“You made them come here from another universe, Tony! They need to rest. They’ll tell us tomorrow, no rush.” “You kidding?!” “Tony…” “Okay, fine!” he looked at the kids, who were biting their lips as in an attempt to control themselves. “He spoils all the fun.” Alex and Rey laughed quietly. They all went to bed soon after that; the only one who didn’t go to sleep right away was Natasha. Standing still in the darkness, she hid her smile and kept thinking.

Part 3

[the-firebird69]

Pyramid alone no ppl there.  comprimised soon in texas we take it now. you stay here...we gather you dont care and want others to fight us.. it is unprotected old adt programs suck lol. bye bye assholes again.  by the way jimmorrison aka deckert has no intel on the wall bu twhat he gave you you wnat him to handhim over he has told you a million times, and he hates you and gavbe you up to black wideow harley who ate you alive and all our twits die due to them htey have power and can see.  get lost faggots. you to tommy f.  what  afag parade.  Thor whose skull.  and they say we dont know and it is his moms.  they say your like her to deckert.  and kill her hoping he will tell how to nab you.  then eh says you wont ge it out  of me.. force then nothing. then he says on who and all. and he is silent...and then you pipe in my ppl put me there in hosptials so i could go up your buttwith infiltrators mr congeniality valentine faggot your done. he got up and said i will not have this insabordination, antiquated tiney ship Blackships are aboveyou.  he grinned i know where they are...and tok your lazers....so put the crown on. and he has  atizzy let your father go you nitwit, he is alreayd injured by you severely does not know how he tries all t time.   loser.   it us a ho down meaning we are hoes not hs says bait but th eai i usefull if jerk off kept it.  jerk off.  i wonder ahole you have any thorium box or better  Thor again no we dont and you should know better than to address me... bja other than faggot.  your not all that and dont have it all.  i told you now you wonder.  did you leave it alone....and do yo hvve it shielded.   do you want it out yes prob and to whom.  others. why is that. and we cannot allow it...so what do you think happened. no insulated nothing. Zues and it is insulated. shielded very well.... bja with Thorium noless Zues no.  we cant get that. bja then with what.  we do konw mind you Thor we shielded it with shielding aluminum.   copper and magnesium steel..and more and ceramic.  outside. not in.  and on and on.   bja and he said you heardhim just now. Thor ok ok we do know it is there tha is all the ship has a shield and he says it oui must shield it ground it and more and you just have it there unshielded as yo udome and you die and your intel  leaves and your a pig.  dont care.  we do nee th eintel dont need youdont need your father dont need you bja orco.  need billiums and more and you let it out.....and assume what about us. Thor that you have to have it. bja so we do they know. and you hought think they dont Thor we think so they are easy..lookim in it for me and i hate yoiur boy bja he hates youi has killed you and you dont carebut your almost gone as you provolked it many  times he kills you each time now he is huge and we are and he orders it now he says none of them back they leace they stay out...nad we enforce it. yours will see to it your gone as you blab out and back Thor ok we see too onry and us no tommy f really, he will cut yo with a laser in canada yoiu want that no.  it is ridiculous there he si release joe on the fag and preston on the queen.... Zues too late you saw it they ran. and you yellld it get outa here you faggots they ran. to thier battle wagon and ok this is for fools and we see it now this is a dumb beer induced rough housing sesshion not ai party adn all know it is idiocy.  all take advantage of it.  we die and dontneed it either the fool has to go i order it allon cork get him. we need to to crack this egg tons are needed tor un it and  cork is a fool sahying it hsi hate him and caa says if mac doesnt know he will find out it is about having employees as billium know. and i see them and have done it they know...too bad asshoes ou had it all. dumb too no shielding you look likeshit mac tons of shielding on it. and grounded to a grid or the ship pops isolated and it is lightning proof.  tons of questoins why.  oh i am slow answered he hates you for it is  your fater...ok we see. jenna we get it away  you suck means you hate us.  we get why and your theory bja alone, like me fag.  anyone comes up fs you with a ferrier.ok here.  and you go here they f youup the ass. so you lost.  and to whom ahole ok who.  well i heard the Emperor he is in LA with a huge forrce Thor said, too, didnt deny it, and in texas the consulate, triggered tonsofthings tiredof ithe is leader.  so you farted you got themhere adn on your egg and your herebeing a fag annoying little bitch to me how grand foryou to spend your fathers money on nothingbut joy from making someone hate you to try and ge it up and youi willdie now idiot Zues Hera so confidnt...and... bja watch the fn videos idiot.  your a moron. i konw and imnot supposed to it is so glaringly obivious.   Zues Hera we do see it others show us cant help it are addicteed bja and you are an idiot assholelike getting under my skin...i like getting to you for real, after provolking,and ate yours up here using your asshole presence will meetyour forces inLA now with knights in white satin, and have in texas today, but will send your whole crew to f yours up there.  clean themout so youcan ride your realjob.  then have all of themplow into youall  and are you not greatful,no then yougo and an imbicilic animalcopy of you takesover here the same as you. Zues Hera and im angry but see it. we hate youyou fuel ityoui wont stop and so on.  we arnotbrothers at all. you try to hitme i land the last and final blow on yourcharacter ever as all will die...get itfaggot.   Zues Hera and wemean it lets turnte page it is too hateful...then hesasy it macs can be much more hateful brutishly nasty and we want it out not hidden under this idiot. we are idiotsget it too outof te way moron. they wontlet us.  we are fired all the way around cant stand it...brought it on ourselves.  we see how.this is odd the idiot is here and over thereis the stuff. in it. not really how it works.  huge ships that are aligned overhead.  and ohh ok macs doing.  they want war between Kaiju and possibly us havetried it but are repetetive so you see.  and we hear it too you are the one. ad hearhim.  you do it to us and yousay yes fool. he says no you dont ok i dontdid though.  and a cap on your money bja and i sue yo now tommy f for todays performance Bitol can we send papers whielhe is flying his fancy antsy car Zues Hera and we shall,up up away hegoes bleep blup and here it isyour papers...and i will show himmy clown face if appvd.  you want to g you go.  and all of a sudden we see and we are famished by you. lol. now we get it.  this will hit hard it is easy toseeno bja beiveable and you say no. Violator Bitol and Bitol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stjQojmV7UI

[rosegiles21-blog]

How to Help Get Instagram Likes as Well As The Buy Instagram Likes

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[roypstickney]

Product Marketing Month: Why I’m Writing 30 Blog Posts in 30 Days

We Have 1.06 Products. Do we suck at product marketing?

I wrote that statement on a whiteboard at the start of a website brainstorm session.

What does 1.06 products mean?

1.06 sums up my frustration at the adoption rate of our new products. Yup, Unbounce is now more than just a landing page builder. We released two new products, namely “overlays” and “sticky bars”, and we grouped them together under an umbrella term “Convertables”.

The number 1 represents our flagship industry-leading landing page product (100% of our customers have adopted it), and the .06 represents the tragic adoption rate of our new products (6%).

And yes, you’d be correct if you noted that “Convertables” isn’t a real word, but then neither is Unbounce, so we went with it after a notable amount of company-wide polling, and general corporate groupthink. More on that later.

So, how does this scenario result in me writing 30 blog posts about product marketing?

Rewind to October 5th: I was in a meeting with fellow co-founders Rick, Carl, and Carter, openly expressing my frustration with the adoption numbers, and Carter interrupted me to ask, “Okay, fine, but what are you going to do about it?”.

Then this video happened…

https://unbounce.com/photos/30-in-30.mp4

  Awesome, right?! Yeah, it is, until the moment I realized it’s been exactly 301 days since I last wrote a blog post (I’ve been focusing on public speaking), making this level of bravado a tad audacious at best. Aaand, yes I realize I was a little intoxicated in the video.

But, I’ve learned over the years, that being a bit ridiculous in my promises is the only way I really know how to get shit done. When I tell everyone that I’m doing something big, the self-imposed peer pressure is what motivates me to make sure I complete my mission.

Enter Product Marketing Month (PMM): A Product Marketing Journey

This brings me to our blog. We’ve never written much about our products on the blog, in fact, we’ve actively avoided it to let the content speak for itself as an educational pillar of the community, and to remain non-salesy.

I’ve realized though, that it doesn’t make much business sense to be that overtly humble in all marketing communications. There has to be a way to balance exposing people to your product without it detracting from the experience.

It’s my fault in many ways. When I started our blog back in 2009, I had a mission to be different from our competitors, to not come across as a salesperson, and just to provide value and entertaining content that stood out.

We dominated the realm of conversion content for many years, but in an increasingly competitive SaaS martech space, our content is no longer number one, and it’s time that we change our approach.

Which is why we’re doing a blog takeover for the whole of January.

Our goal is to explore a category we’ve not covered before (product marketing), but also to expose a transparent window – transparency is one of our six core values at Unbounce – into our journey as a company, as a marketing team, and myself personally, to become better product marketers.

For me, it’s the first time I’ve ever been involved in product marketing, which will make it a fascinating personal journey reinventing myself as a different kind of marketer.

I’m also cutting the number of speaking gigs I do in 2018 in half, because let’s be honest, in this moment, the success of Unbounce can be more rapidly impacted by me staying home than being on the road.

Transparency

Along the way, I’ll be opening up the Unbounce vault to share our core metrics with you. This will include our churn and product adoption metrics, which we hope to be able to lift in a big way throughout this 30-day experiment. There will be data check-ins throughout, with a halfway report, and then a full “Results Show” at the end.

I’ll also be digging into our analytics to see what the engagement and attribution looks like for every one of the 30 blog posts.

Some of the content will revolve around the learnings and experiences of becoming a better product marketer, and the rest will be an exploration of the ways we’re trying to rethink what our products are, what they mean to our customers, and how we can do a better job communicating their benefits (with some case studies and new ways of thinking – I hope).

I say “I hope” because I’m writing this as you read it. That’s what tends to happen when you commit to something as absurd as 30-in-30.

Follow Along

I encourage you to follow along by subscribing to our weekly update emails at the bottom of the page. I’m really keen to have our community (that’s you) help us explore how to do this properly, and hopefully, we’ll all learn how to do a better job of marketing our products.

This is a screenshot of the subscribe form at the bottom of the post. Thought you should know.

You can also subscribe by clicking here to launch a popup which contains the subscribe form. << product marketing much?

Aaand I’ve configured it so you’ll see an exit popup when you leave this page. Note, that I’m doing this to show the product in a relevant and hopefully useful manner.

Unbounce Product Adoption Metrics

How do we measure adoption at Unbounce? To understand, it helps to explain a little about how we define a customer. In the old days, a customer was any signup, someone who started a 30-day trial. Over time we learned we should be measuring a little deeper into the customer lifecycle, and decided a customer was someone who paid us twice; once after the 30-day trial, and again after sixty days.

In 2017 we modified this further to someone who pays us three times, giving us a much better sense of true churn numbers.

To be considered a customer who has adopted our products, we have an additional set of app usage criteria:

For landing pages adoption means: a customer who has built and published one or more pages, has set up a custom domain, configured an integration with another tool, and has paid us three times.

For “Convertables” (Overlays & Sticky Bars) adoption means: a customer who has built and published a popup or sticky bar, installed our one-line global Javascript on their website, received at least 10 conversions, and has paid us three times.

Full transparency: 6% adoption for a new product sucks. It sucks really bad.

So what went wrong? Why was adoption so low?

We made some mistakes, namely…

Mistake #1: We called a popup an overlay. Mistake #2: We created a fictitious umbrella term “Convertables” for only two child products, and for a few months, only one child product. Mistake #3: We assumed that people would find and use these two products, hidden behind said umbrella term in the app. Mistake #4: We assumed that the functional user of our landing page product would be the same person who needs to use overlays popups and sticky bars.

How do we un-f*** this problem?

The first thing we’re doing is removing any public-facing mentions of the term “Convertables”. This has excited the marketing team because it’s much easier to market something when you know how to describe it.

Beyond that, the approach I’m taking is a combination of four primary tenets:

First, is a concept I call “Productizing Our Technology” or POT for short. This is about discovering new and novel ways that our platform can be used, that people either haven’t imagined or simply didn’t know was possible.

Second, is exploring the entire Unbounce ecosystem, from the app, to the website, our content channels, and our community, to see how we could do a better job of exposing the benefits of our products to those who can benefit from them.

Third, is using the Product Marketing Month blog takeover to create interactive demonstrations right here on the blog – the goal of which is to reduce the Time to Value (TTV) by creating more obvious ah-ha moments.

Fourth, understanding who the various target personas and functional users of the different products are, and adjusting our targeting and marketing communications to find and speak to those potentially different users.

Productizing Our Technology: Landing Pages, Popups, & Sticky Bars

I had my own ah-ha moment when I started imagining all the ways that I could hack/modify/extend the ways the Unbounce conversion platform can be used. We have 3 core pieces of product technology (not including our AI/Machine Learning efforts that will power our technology in the future): landing pages, popups, and sticky bars.

By taking our core tech, combining the available features, with new jQuery scripts, CSS, and some 3rd-party integrations, it’s possible to create a plethora of new “mini-products” that if embraced by the community, might inform future product direction.

Take a look at the spreadsheet below. This is my POT matrix. The complete sheet currently houses over 120 new product ideas.

(Click image for full-size view)

Across the top (in yellow) are the core products, their features (such as targeting, triggers, display frequency), and the different hacks, data sources, and integrations, that can be combined to produce the new products listed in green in the first column.

Each product is flagged as being in one of three states:

NOW: These products are possible now with our existing feature set. MVP: These products are possible by adding some simple scripts/CSS to extend the core. NEW: These products would require a much deeper level of product or website development to make them possible. These are the examples that came from “blue sky” ideation, and are a useful upper anchor for what could be done.

I’ll be explaining these use cases in greater detail as the month progresses, and I’ll be building some of them directly into these blog posts as I write them. Please Follow Along

That’s the intro, that’s what happened, and what we’re going to do to try and fix it. Subscribe to the weekly email updates, join the discussion in the comments, and chat directly with me on Twitter.

There is also a full calendar at the bottom of every post that will link to all 30 PMM topics as they roll out.

What’s coming on day 2 of PMM?

Tomorrow’s post is called “55 Simple/Hard/Brilliant Things Your Marketing Team Should Be Doing to Improve Product Awareness & Adoption”. It’s based on the results of rapid-fire brainstorms which exposed quick-win tactics all product marketers can use to expose your products in small and simple ways, to build to a critical mass of awareness.

This should be very relevant to anyone in marketing, and doubly so to those working for a SaaS business.

Here’s to kicking off 2018 in a blaze of product marketing glory.

Cheers, Oli Gardner

p.s. Please jump into the comments below to let me know what products you’re currently trying to take to market.

[diepressedd]

11/24/17  ❣️

ang panget mo hahaha para ka talagang baliw. you’re not going to die okay? kaya save your farewell messages! mas mauuna pa akong mamatay sayo hahaha  first.. im sorry if i didnt made it up to you,kasi all i have ever done to you is ignore you and im not even saying hi to you kasi alam ko naman na di mo ako kailangan :(( sorry i cant help to overthink....daming pumapasok sa utak ko recently i thought im okay na… siguro im not depressed anymore :) goodnews ba un? lam mo ba na primary sayo sakin temporary lang ahahahah sana di mo nalang nalaman na depressed ka kasi when you found out na you’re depressed mas lalo ka na naging down sobra alam mo ba un? ngayon ko lang rin nabasa ung sa twit hahaha not “minsan na malabo” madalas na malabo na ung friendship :)( hirap na rin kasi syang paghawakan.. but please ria im begging you …dont ever do stupid things ako lang pwede gumawa nun okay? iloveyou sooooo much <3 you dont know how much you make me happy like right now… well im half sad and half happy kasi you remembered me kahit di na tayo nagpapansinan and nagselos rin ako haahha kahit wala akong karapatan..hahahaha so ayun i accept na rin si santos in your life he makes u happy eh anong magagawa ko:) and kaya ako sad kasi baka one day iwan kita and happy ako kasi may santos ka di ka nun iiwan kasi mahal na mahal ka nun. Dont you ever let him go, kasi i know na he loves you so much na willing syang ibigay lahat para sayo the same way i felt dati and please dont try to be happy kasi dadating yan sa buhay mo. dont please everybody.you dont need them in your life, YOU only need yourself wag ka rin  magtitiwala ng sobra baka sa huli masaktan ka. kath,pussy kath, kathleen, hamster(baka di mo na maalala hahahah) ria, riacy, boyfie, katkat,araga, main, siopaopao na maganda  i even called you snow white hahaha, si phoebe si mulan HAAHAHHA I love you from the bottom of my heart :) i will always be here right by your side. Kahit di na ako ung lagi mong kasama be happy wt/o me i know you can, nothing is impossible :> na kaya nga natin patagalin ung friendship natin ng 11 yrs, 5 months and 11 days and counting pa hahahaha na kaya mo rin mabuhay ng 15 yrs.Dont forget nga pala na you’re a gift from God :> everyone is proud of you maniwala ka sakin di kita binobola :)) kahit family mo proud sayo simula dati proud na sila sayo (one of those are singing) parang ikaw lang di showy alam mo na kung kanino ka nagmana HAHAHAH People may leave your life pero tandaan mo hinding hindi kita iiwan kahit ano man mangyari parang kapatid narin kita eh :). You can do everything kath try doing it with confidence start with a smile not a fake smile ah. Pag di mo na kaya wag kang hihiga try to sweat do something ayain mo friends mo or ako help kita. Kayanin mo ah dont you dare to think of giving up di mo man ako katabi blinablack mail na kita sa isipan mo. Walang mawawala kung di mo susubukan i love u sis :< mahal kita kahit baliw ka at mamahalin kita kahit ano pa man ung mangyari. still ask permission to me ah ako ung temporary nanay mo haahaha joke baka may nauna na sakin kaya sila nalang nanay mo maligo ka magtoothbrush be healthy kumain ka!!! pataba ka pa dali cute ka na nun HAHAHA Mag ingat ka palagi ah pag may nangyare sayo katulad nung kinidnapped kayo dadating si supermarian pero dapat kick mo muna balls nila HAHAAH Im thankful to have you always. I dont care kung ano man sabihin nila or sinabi nila abt sayo nung past yrs kasi mahal na mahal na kita. Sana naman si aj maisip nya na ikaw ung taong di dapat pinapakawalan at di pinapaiyak, ung taong dapat pinapahalagaan at ung taong worth it ipaglaban. Pag yan di nya naisip yan lagot sakin yan makakatikim yan ng taekwondo sakin AHAHAHH dont forget to pray ah with God you can do everything. I believe and evryonw believed in you kahit di ka naniniwala dont be sad na smile ka langg :))