#sam wilson you deserved better than this

[tonkysexist]

I see that the MCU’s “New World Order” movie is going exactly as terribly as anyone with a brain could’ve predicted.

[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

Past, Present, ...

Summary: After sleeping with Bucky after months of comforting him during his nightmares, Y/N returns from a three-week mission to find out she's been replaced.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Near death, Implying attempted suicide (it's not)

Word Count: 5.7k

A/N: Not Beta'd. Dusting this off from the drafts. I wrote this while sleep deprived. Not sure how we got here but the original ending wasn't a happy one. Enjoy whatever this is instead.

How much space is too much?

According to James Bucky Barnes, three weeks isn't enough.

Three weeks on an assignment was enough for Y/N to become homesick. She understood she would have to pause her life to save the world, but what no one informed her was that the rest of the world would continue to play.

“Y/L/N?” A familiar voice shouted.

Adjusting the strap of her duffle bag on her shoulder, Y/N turned her head to find her co-worker jogging towards her. Slanting her eyes, Y/N raised her palm to block out the sun.

“Wilson,” she addressed the man when he was near.

Bent over with his hands on his knees, Sam panted. His sweatshirt stretched across his back making the dark patch of sweat more prominent. Squinting up at Y/N, Sam breathed, “Did you just get back?”

Y/N bobbed her head, adjusting the strap on her shoulder once more for emphasis rather than comfort. She did not need to ask to know Sam just returned from his run. He usually ran with Steve and Bucky, but they always finished well before Sam. It wasn’t uncommon for him to return hours after the super-soldiers.

Pushing off his knees, Sam stood, tilting his head toward one of the many entrances in Avengers Tower. He knew better than to offer to carry her duffle bag. The weight of missions was often packed in the bags they returned with.

Y/N and Sam strolled side by side. Sam only paused to open the door for Y/N. Trekking into the tower, he could finally relax his eyes from the intense sun. The two stood shoulder to shoulder, waiting for the elevator to arrive.

“I thought you were already back,” Sam admitted, watching the light above the elevator doors.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. Her mission was supposed to be longer. If anything, he should have anticipated her return later. Facing the man beside her, she asked, “Why?”

Ding.

Scrambling into the elevator, Sam leaned against the wall across from Y/N. She reflected his behavior, leaning against the wall behind her.

Once the elevator started moving, Sam confessed, “Bucky skipped his run today. I thought I saw you with him before I left. Guess I was wrong.”

Y/N bit her bottom lip, reopening a recently closed wound. She released her lip long enough to confirm what Sam already knew. “You were wrong.” Ignoring the coppery taste flooding her tongue, she drew her bottom lip between her teeth again.

She hadn’t seen her teammates in three weeks. She hadn’t seen Bucky longer. She assumed they were doing great, but Bucky didn't share her thoughts. He denied it, yet he went out of his way to avoid her since their last mission together, since they slept together. How one could be sweet in one moment and cold in another, Y/N would never understand.

Y/N and Bucky started off rocky. He hated her from the moment they met. Bucky was struggling in the field, so Steve asked her to keep an eye on him. Bucky rejected her the second Steve introduced them. He saw through Steve’s plan and stomped his feet like a child. Rather than confirm Bucky’s insinuation, Steve vouched that she deserved to be on the team for her talents, not to babysit Bucky. He even suggested that Y/N and Bucky spar to prove it. Bucky loathed her then. She laid him out several times that day. It was the reason Steve sought her out in the first place. Bucky was a far more experienced fighter than Y/N. He should have won every fight. He lost them all.

Muffled voices were heard from the other side of the doors. Voices Y/N craved to hear since she departed for her mission. When the doors spread, Sam was the first to enter the room. “Hey guys,” he called out, extending his hands toward Y/N, “look who I found.”

Y/N tentatively stepped off the elevator, joining her friends in the living room. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen so many eyes on her. “I didn’t know there was a party,” she joked, waving.

Tony was the first to speak up, a glass of honey liquid in hand, “Glad, you're back. We were just getting to know Bucky’s girlfriend over here.” He lifted his glass.

Y/N’s eyes followed the direction of Tony’s glass. Her hand tautened around the strap of her duffle bag for support. Y/N hadn’t noticed the extra body in the room at first. The team always had someone over for business or pleasure; it didn’t matter. This time it did because staring back at her was Bucky’s guest, his girlfriend, undoubtedly here for pleasure.

The stunning woman beside Bucky introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Evangelina, but everyone calls me Lina.” Y/N could see the muscles in her uncovered arms tense. Even though she couldn’t see the hand attached to the arm from the other side of the bar, she knew Evangelina was holding Bucky’s flesh hand. “But Bucky calls me Angel,” she added, batting her eyelashes at Bucky.

The woman wasn't solely attractive; she also had a heavenly name. Y/N mentally gagged at the thought of hearing Bucky call his girlfriend Angel.

The coward refused to meet Y/N’s eyes. He took a lengthy drink from a glass matching Tony’s. Stark usually drank top-shelf liquor. Y/N might have been concerned under different circumstances, but she knew the liquor did not affect him, unlike herself.

“Y/N,” she weakly introduced herself, gnawing on her bottom lip again.

“We were just having drinks. Care to join us? There is plenty of alcohol. I can make you something,” Evangelina offered politely.

Y/N’s teeth clamped tight on her bottom lip. She spent three weeks wishing she could return to the tower, only to be treated like a guest, an outsider in her own home.

It was then that Bucky decided to face her, yet his eyes looked right through her. Y/N’s chest tightened. She didn’t know it was feasible to feel more alone in her home, surrounded by friends and a man she had been intimate with, than by herself in a foreign country. She wondered if he could see the hurt written on her face.

“I-I don’t-”

Bucky’s whiskey-strained voice interrupted, “No. No drinks.”

A gasp pulled Y/N's attention away from the couple. Cold, pale hands rested on her cheeks, rotating her head from side to side. “Y/N, you’re bleeding,” Natasha chastised.

Wrestling out of Natasha’s hold, Y/N utilized the back of her hand to wipe the blood from her lip. Staring at the crimson fluid coating her skin, Y/N jerked her head. “I can’t.” Blindly smashing the elevator button behind her, she whispered, “I have to…” her voice trailed off as she jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. Disregarding everyone’s silent questions, she bolted into the elevator, only letting her shoulders sag when the doors closed. The strap of her duffle bag slid from her shoulder landing with a thud. Gliding her back down the wall, Y/N cradled her knees and wept.

Every night before bed, Y/N prayed the sun would never rise because when day broke, Bucky vanished. Her dreams filled with memories of their last mission together. Reality was the price of admission for eight hours in heaven.

Y/N clenched her jaw at every public display of affection between the new couple. In the time she had known him, Bucky had never been touchy-feely in public. Now, he couldn’t appear to stop. Bucky only ever reached for Y/N after a nightmare or horrific mission. He reached for her at his lowest and she responded with open arms. He might have another woman occupying his bed, but he continued to fuck with her head.

The voice in her head wasn’t her own anymore. Every thought she had echoed back in his familiar deep timber. She couldn’t shake him. A twisted part of her brain wondered if he couldn’t shake her either.

Sam’s comment when she returned from her assignment should have been her first clue. He had mistaken Evangelina for her. Sam had been the first to mention the resemblance between the two, but it wasn’t the last time Y/N received those kinds of comments.

In the time that Y/N had gotten to know Evangelina, which wasn’t much, she concluded that she didn’t hate her. The two had more in common than she wanted to admit. Evangelina made it a point to befriend all of the Avengers; Y/N included. Y/N hated that she enjoyed her company. It was a tough pill to swallow at first, but she couldn’t hate the woman for her taste in men. Who didn’t find Bucky Barnes attractive?

Bucky had been more challenging to read. He didn’t prevent the women from becoming friends, but he didn’t encourage it either. He continued to keep his distance from Y/N, only interacting with her in group settings.

The Avengers were unaware of Bucky and Y/N’s history. Their relationship was exclusively behind closed doors. Y/N wondered if Evangelina would be her confidante if she knew Y/N had warmed his bed first. Maybe Bucky told her and that was why she pushed to be Y/N’s friend. Maybe that was the reason she asked to raid Y/N’s closet for her date with Bucky. Even though Y/N desperately wanted to slam the door in her face, Evangelina was innocent in the situation. So, she agreed.

“You have so many pretty dresses,” Evangelina said in awe. Her hand ran across each piece of fabric dangling in the wardrobe.

Y/N’s fingers plucked at a loose thread on her comforter. Although they were now friends, helping Bucky’s girlfriend pick out an outfit for their date was still awkward. At least it was on Y/N’s end. Evangelina was none the wiser.

“Perks of being an Avenger.”

“What’s it like being an Avenger? Bucky never talks about his work life. He’s always tense when he returns from a mission.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow even though the other woman couldn’t see her. Bucky was slow to open up, especially about his past as the Winter Soldier. Y/N wasn’t surprised he dodged the topic. Ever since Natasha leaked classified files, Bucky’s past became public knowledge. Bucky and Evangelina’s relationship progressed beyond what Y/N previously had with Bucky, at least on the surface. She didn’t know much about their life behind closed doors. Bucky never took Y/N on a date or made her his girlfriend, but he let her hold him in her arms at night and let her in after a difficult mission. Yet his girlfriend practically confessed she knew nothing about his troubles. That was what shocked Y/N.

“It’s…” she paused, attempting to find the right words to convey the difficulties of the job without disturbing her. “It’s like war. You save and lose people. It’s rewarding and sucks at the same time.”

Evangelina pivoted with a black cocktail dress in hand. “That sounds awful.”

Y/N shrugged. “People do it every day. Steve, Sam, and Bucky were all military men before this.” She waved her hands around the room.

Evangelina caught the shift in Y/N’s tone. It wasn’t something she wanted to talk about, a reaction Evangelina grew used to from her exchanges with Bucky. Altering the subject, Evangelina pressed the cocktail dress flush to her body. “What about this one?”

Y/N sucked in a deep breath. She wore the dress on her last mission with Bucky. Though he didn’t say it in public, his reaction when they returned to the safe house that night was enough to know Bucky admired the dress. With Evangelina’s similar figure, Y/N knew Bucky would equally appreciate it on her, especially since he wouldn’t get to rip it off of Y/N again.

She would have told Evangelina about the dress, but it was none of her business. The past was in the past. One Evangelina wasn’t a part of. If Bucky hadn’t told her about their past neither would she. Was it bad to send Evangelina on a date in the dress Bucky had fucked her in? Probably. Did she hope he would think about her the entire date? Absolutely.

Clearing her throat, Y/N plastered a phony smile on her face. “Good choice.” After the date, the dress would be tarnished, like rerecording over an old tape.

Y/N never considered herself a masochist, but she couldn’t escape the role of a domestic sinner. She couldn’t sabotage Evangelina’s relationship no matter how Bucky made her feel; however, she could ruin her own relationship. There was a time in her life when she thought Bucky was the one. Part of her still believed it. It was the part she had to sacrifice.

She told herself Bucky’s soft caresses and lingering stares meant nothing, that every promise spoken was a lie to satisfy the moment. Everything Y/N ever loved had been hard to part with, so she convinced herself Bucky never truly loved her. He couldn’t with how readily he replaced her. Could he? It didn’t matter because he chose Evangelina.

“Hey, Y/N,” Steve welcomed jovially.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Steve’s voice carried down the hall. Who was he talking to? Rounding the corner just in time, she hadn’t missed the way Steve’s eyes enlarged at the sight of her.

“I didn’t realize,” Steve began, his eyes flashing between both women. “I thought you were Y/N.”

Evangelina chuckled, gliding her hands across her abdomen to smooth down the front of the dress. “I’ll take that as a compliment. Y/N was considerate enough to lend me her dress.” She turned to Y/N, who was still standing in the archway of the lobby. “Thanks again.”

Before Y/N could reply, a hand slinked around her waist, drawing her into a solid body. Startled, Y/N tensed.

“Hey, Ange-” Bucky’s tongue twisted as his eyes landed on Y/N. He was relieved he peeked at her face before he complimented her appearance. He dragged his arm back to his side in a flash. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

Y/N chewed her lip, taking a step back. Bucky was dressed from head to toe in black, matching Evangelina. Y/N wondered if they planned to dress for her funeral before or after they killed off any romantic feelings she had for Bucky.

“I did the same thing,” Steve laughed. Bucky glowered at him, forcing his hands into his pockets. Steve held his hands up, “I didn’t touch anyone though, that was all you.”

Bucky grumbled, crossing the lobby to plant a kiss on Evangelina’s forehead. His right hand rested on the small of her back. “You look gorgeous,” he whispered against her hairline.

Evangelina grinned, “You don’t look bad yourself.”

Y/N couldn’t argue with that.

The faint smile on Bucky’s lips disappeared as the hand on Evangelina’s back ran up her spine. The tips of his fingers halted over a loose thread beside the zipper. Anyone would have glossed over it, but not Bucky. Not when he was the one to patch the dress up and certainly not when he was the one to tear it in the first place. When his gaze collided with Y/N’s, she knew he recognized the dress. His eyes blatantly proceeded to check her out.

Y/N flushed as he studied her; however, the moment his eyes drifted to his best friend, Y/N’s blood ran cold. “Are you two,” he pointed between Y/N and Steve. His voice was unable to fully ask the question he wanted to.

Steve slung his arm over Y/N’s shoulder. It was meant to be a joke, but Y/N saw the blaze in Bucky’s eyes. She didn’t know if it was directed at Steve or herself.

“I wish,” Steve beamed down at her. “I have a conference with Fury in an hour. I was hoping to get there early.”

Y/N sent Steve a soft smile. Steve and Bucky were best friends. If anyone knew what transpired between the two on their last mission, it would be Steve. His reaction proved otherwise. She was confident Steve didn’t know about her past with Bucky or he wouldn’t have unknowingly taunted Bucky.

Evangelina ran her hand along Bucky’s back affectionately. “What about you, Y/N? That dress looks amazing on you. I’m almost jealous I didn’t borrow that one.”

Untangling herself from Steve’s hold, Y/N focused on responding to her new friend rather than Bucky. Puffing out her chest, Y/N said, “Thanks, Lina. I have a date.”

Evangelina grinned, “You should join us.” She directed her attention to Bucky, slapping the center of his chest. “They should join us.”

Y/N’s eyes bulged at the prospect of a double date with Bucky. Absolutely not.

“Could be fun,” Bucky added, but his voice lacked emotion.

She officially lost her mind. There was no way Bucky was actually on board with this idea. The man spent most of his time avoiding her. The second she attempts to move on, he tries to interfere. No. No. No.

Y/N shook her head, lying through her teeth, “It’s still new. I’m not ready to introduce him to anyone I know yet.”

Bucky’s eyes lingered on Y/N’s figure for a moment. “That’s not exactly a new relationship kind of dress.” His eyes narrowed in a challenge.

Y/N pursed her lips. “It is for the kind of relationship he and I have.”

Bucky and Y/N’s first assignment together was a disaster. Bucky wasn't prepared to return to the field, but he insisted he was fine. The mission was successful, but only after Bucky hesitated and Y/N was stabbed. The knife was meant for Bucky, and he took her sacrifice for his mistake poorly. They argued even while Y/N was getting stitched up. At the time, they couldn’t stand one another, but looking back on it, it was the tipping point from enemies to friends.

Tony pressured the two to get along for everyone's sake. He suggested going out for a drink and hashing it out. It was the typical outing for a man of Tony’s status with enemies. Bucky had been the first to yield, offering to buy Y/N a drink. As long as it meant they could move forward, he didn’t care. Y/N declined. Bucky scowled in frustration.

“I probably shouldn't tell you this, but ever since the whole enhanced superpower thing, alcohol is like poison to me.”

Bucky’s face softened. Alcohol had been an issue for him and Steve as well. He detested that he couldn’t get drunk, especially with the unwanted memories that plagued his head frequently. It paled in comparison to her side effects. At least he could still consume the liquid and pretend.

“How about dinner then?” Bucky proposed.

Y/N nodded. “Dinner would be great.”

After that, the pair functioned well together. At least until Y/N witnessed Bucky’s nightmares or when he pulled away from everyone after a challenging mission. That was when Y/N began comforting Bucky. While it wasn’t a problem before, it was now.

“Stop staring at me,” Bucky grumbled.

Y/N couldn’t tear her eyes away from the super-soldier. It was their first mission together since he began dating Evangelina. The two of them were trapped in a safe house on the other side of the world. It wasn’t the first time they had stayed in this particular safe house. It was the exact safe house they inhabited on their last mission.

“You’re hurt,” Y/N observed. Bucky naturally had a sway in his gate. Today, it was heavier, as if he had been lugging extra weight around for hours.

“I’m fine,” Bucky rasped, keeping his back to Y/N. He kept his focus on igniting the fire in the fireplace before them.

Y/N frowned. “I don't mean physically.” Bucky remained silent. “Maybe you should call Evangelina,” she proposed. It was the practical thing to suggest, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Bucky than she intended.

Bucky whirled around; the fire blazed behind him. “I said I’m fine,” he barked. His dark eyes pinned her to her spot on the worn couch.

Y/N chewed her bottom lip. If he was going to get angry with her for caring, then she’d get furious right back. “If you’re so fine, then why have you been avoiding me?”

Bucky grumbled something under his breath, running his hand through his hair. “I already told you, I haven’t-”

“Bullshit.” Y/N rose from her seat. “You fucked me after that HYDRA mission and discarded me like garbage,” she fumed. “I gave you space. I’m gone not even an entire month and suddenly you have a girlfriend. Fuck you, James.”

Bucky stormed the room until he was standing in front of her. His nostrils flared as he ran his tongue along his teeth before baring his teeth. Y/N tipped her head back, daring him to put his hands on her. Bucky studied her face momentarily, their faces hairsbreadths from one another as he hissed, “Fuck. You. Y/N.” From this distance, she could see the muscles in his face twist. She knew he was pissed. Bucky pulled away. “You think you know everything. You have no idea what it's like to have someone fuck with your head.”

Y/N shoved his chest hard. Bucky didn’t even flinch. “You! You’ve been driving me insane with your games!” Her hands moved to shove him again, but he caught both of her wrists.

“Don’t,” he growled.

Y/N ripped herself free from his hold. His grip wasn't tight enough to hurt, still she rubbed her wrist anyway, trying to rid her body of his touch.

“Go back to your boyfriend, Y/N,” he commanded.

Y/N squinted at the man in front of her. This version of him was a stranger. “I heard you,” she voiced softly. “That night,” she pointed to the bedroom down the hall, “when you thought I was asleep, you said you love me.”

If she wasn’t an Avenger, she wouldn’t have detected the way his eyes widened for a fraction of a second. Bucky no longer had to wear a mask from HYDRA, but it seemed everyone except Bucky got the memo. His voice matched the stone-cold expression he wore. “I lied.”

It was the lack of sympathy in his voice that slammed the casket closed. With two little words, Bucky Barnes had buried her in the same place he made love to her.

Bucky returned to the tower after dropping Evangelina off when he stumbled across Natasha with a glass of wine in hand. She was snuggled under a blanket on the couch, watching a true crime show. Since he was unsure where everyone else had gone, he settled on the spot beside Natasha.

“Long night?” Natasha questioned, side-eying the brunette.

Bucky moaned, running his hands down his face. “Long week.”

Natasha swirled her glass of wine. “There is still a bit of wine left. It won't get you drunk but it might help you relax.”

Bucky pursed his lips. “I don’t think that will help.”

Natasha shrugged. “There’s some liquor Y/N’s boyfriend left on the counter over there.” She pointed to the nearly empty bottle across the room. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “He’s here?”

The red head nodded. “They just got back from dinner. She said they were going upstairs to watch a movie, but after the amount of alcohol they had, I’m sure they are doing more than that.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Bucky stiffened. “They were both drinking?”

“Yeah. The boyfriend came down a couple times to make mixed drinks. He offered me one the last time he was down here, but,” she raised her wine glass.

Before Natasha could continue, Bucky was out of the room, taking the stairs three at a time. He didn’t expect Natasha to understand. People didn’t go around broadcasting their weaknesses. Y/N told him hers, despite them not being friends. It wasn’t his position to share the information. He regretted it now.

Bucky pounded his fist on the wooden door of Y/N's bedroom with a force that made the hinges creak. “Y/N, you in there? Open up,” he pleaded, his voice laced with concern. When he tried the handle and found it locked, his heart sank. “Y/N,” his voice grew more desperate. He could hear shuffling on the other side of the door and leaned in, straining to hear anything that might give him an indication of what was transpiring inside. Despite his repeated requests, the door remained sealed shut, and Bucky's impatience and frustration mounted with each passing second. His voice grew louder, his fists clenched tightly, as he roared for Y/N to open the goddamn door. But there was no response. Finally, Bucky stepped back, his eyes flashing with rage, preparing to kick the door down.

The door opened the second Bucky lifted his boot. A man Bucky had never seen before pushed past him, flying down the hallway. “I didn’t do anything,” he cried as he stepped onto the elevator.

Whiplash hit Bucky hard. His head twisted between the man on the elevator and Y/N’s open bedroom door. The second he caught sight of the man's face, he filed it away preparing to deal with him later. Bucky ran into Y/N’s room. His heartbeat drummed loudly, drowning out the sound of the TV playing in the background. He called her name, but there was no response. He scanned the entire room, finding it empty. His boot kicked a glass, the brown liquid staining the carpet. With a lump in his throat, Bucky knocked on the bathroom door and waited for half a heartbeat before he jerked the door wide open.

There she was, sprawled out on the bathroom floor. Bucky crouched down beside her. His flesh hand shook her shoulder as he called her name. No response. He rolled her onto her back, his fingers searching for the pulse on her neck. Bucky almost missed the faint thrum of her pulse beneath his fingers. His own body was shaking. He called her name once again but was met with silence.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. send the medical unit to Y/N’s room,” his voice quivered as he addressed Tony’s artificial intelligence.

He stepped over her to turn the shower on. Leaving the sliding glass door open, he enveloped her torso in his arms, dragging her bodying into the shower. Crumbling to the floor behind her, he cradled her body under the spray of the cold water.

“Come on, Y/N. Wake up,” he pleaded. He tapped her face repeatedly. “Come on. Not like this,” his voice began shattering. Her head lulled into his chest. Bucky’s fist clenched, mindful not to crush her, as a loud sob tore through his chest. Bucky held her tighter than the clothes adhering to their skin beneath the water. He swayed her slowly as tears gushed down his face. “Come on Y/N. Come back to me,” he croaked. “Tell me to go fuck myself. Anything,” he begged, praying for a reaction. It was futile. Bucky smashed his lips onto the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open with a groan. Her body was sore on the brink of death. One look around the room confirmed she nearly died. She visited the medical wing frequently between missions. The injuries she had endured on the missions were nothing in comparison to what she was experiencing now.

A pressure landing on the back of her hand had her head snapping to her side. Bucky sat with his forehead pressed to the back of her hand, a prayer escaping his lips. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows searching for her last memory of Bucky.

The brunette lifted his head, running his fingers through her hair. “You scared me,” his voice was shaky, his eyes never left her face.

“Where’s-”

Bucky snarled, “Your boyfriend? Don’t worry about him, he’s an asshole.”

Y/N flinched. “He didn’t know.”

“That’s not why he’s an asshole. He ran and left you on the bathroom floor to die.” Bucky watched as Y/N processed the new information. The lack of surprise concerned him. He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know. “Did you know there was alcohol in your drink?”

Y/N scoffed, crossing her arms. “Of course, I didn’t, Bucky. You’re an asshole for leaving me too. I’m pissed at you. I’m not suicidal. You did your good deed. I’m alive. Now you can go back to your Angel.” She spat the last words, parodying his words from the safe house.

Bucky sat back in his seat, rubbing his chin. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He just wanted to push her away. He pushed too far. He almost lost her. He couldn’t avoid her any longer, she deserved an explanation.

“It wasn’t a lie,” he mumbled. Part of him didn’t want her to hear it, still wanting to starve off the conversation.

“What?”

He took a deep breath, leaning forward. His elbows rested on his knees with his hands clasped in front of him. His face turned serious. “I love you.” Y/N’s heart skipped a beat while her face turned sour. “But I can't be with you.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “Why are you doing this? Why now?”

Bucky winced at the hurt in her voice. It hurt him too. That’s why he avoided the conversation for so long. “I’m too vulnerable around you. I fall back into my head way too easily. I don’t want to be reminded of my past. Then I met Ang- Evangelina and suddenly, I’m not thinking about all of the people I’ve killed, or the way HYDRA tortured me. With her, I’m living in the present.”

Y/N sat up harshly, the tears had stopped flowing a few sentences ago. “Because you won’t open up to her! You’re running from your problems and the second she’s gone, you’re gonna be stuck in your head again. Alone this time. Sorry, I was only a distraction long enough for you to fuck me. You don’t love her. You love the idea of normalcy with me!” She insisted, jabbing her finger into her chest.

Bucky closed his eyes, his head in his hands.

“For fucks sake, Bucky. She looks like me. This isn’t reality. This isn’t you. You're playing a role in some cheesy romcom. You’re letting her emulate me to fill a spot. She’s my understudy and you know it.”

Bucky ran his hands through his hair before looking up at her. Teary-eyed, he confessed, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to be normal again.” His head rested on his bent arms, leaning against the bed. His back jolted with each sob.

Y/N rubbed between his shoulder blades. “We’re not normal Bucky. None of the Avengers are, but we’re real.” She ran her hand through his hair comfortingly. “You and me, we’re real.”

He wiped his tears, shaking his head, “She’s out looking for a dog for us to adopt.”

Y/N scrunched her nose. They were taking the next step. Before she knows it, they'll be moving in together, getting married, and have a kid on the way.

“I don’t even want a dog. I couldn’t take care of it with my lifestyle. It just seemed like the normal thing to do. Most families have dogs.”

Y/N hated the idea of Bucky considering a family with Evangelina. She knew him better though. “I always took you for a cat person.”

Bucky smiled at her. “Yeah? What about you? Are you a cat person?”

She nodded. “Less work to train. More realistic in our lifestyle.”

Bucky hummed. The idea of them sharing anything both scared and delighted Bucky. “What kind of cat would we get?”

The corner of Y/N’s lips turned upward. Playing along, she didn’t need to think about her answer, she had already thought about it before. “It doesn’t matter, but he’d have to be white so I could see him against all of your black clothes. Although, cat hairs might be a pain before missions.”

Bucky nodded, his elbow on the bed, propped his head up in his hand. His other hand held Y/N’s as his thumb rubbed circles on the back of her hand as she talked. With a raised eyebrow, Bucky asked, “He?”

Y/N nodded, offended he would suggest otherwise. “You know, so I can come home to my boys. Plus, you need more friends. You two can have a guy's night while I’m away.”

“What if I want to come home to my girls?” Bucky argued.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “We’ll let fate decide. Whichever we find first.”

He nodded, agreeing to the compromise. “Alpine.”

“Huh?”

Bucky sighed dreamily, “The name.” It was too easy talking with Y/N about adopting a cat as if they were discussing children. It hadn’t crossed Y/N’s mind yet, but Bucky was aware that he wasn’t thinking of the past. He was thinking of the future. A future with Y/N.

Y/N snorted. It wasn’t the name she would have picked but Bucky liked it. She got to pick the color; it was only fair Bucky got to pick the name. “Alpine it is.”

Three weeks later, Bucky and Y/N welcomed Alpine to their shared room at Avengers Tower. The team melted when they met the feline. Even Evangelina. Despite the breakup, Y/N and Evangelina remained friends. The women were filled with too much grace and poise, not to. A trait Bucky had admired in both of them. It should have unsettled Bucky for them to remain friends, but Bucky knew where he belonged now. He might not know who he was or who he is now, but he was certain his future was Y/N.

[chxrryhansen]

౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ Cherry’s Cevans One Shot Rec List

here you will find all of my favourite chris evans + characters fanfiction recommendations, i have many more to add and will continue to update this list. Please don’t forget to reblog these amazing writers fics as they deserve so much love!💘💘

Walk On The Wild Side - @hansensgirl

you just wanted to go for a stroll down the road—but he wants you to take a walk on the wild side. (Dark!Chris Evans)

You Better Not Pout, Better Not Cry - @hansensgirl

they know if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. (Dark!Multi character) - i would add every single one of her fics to this list if i could💘

Sinful Devotion - @evansbby

Lloyd promises to let you go, but he demands a depraved repayment. (In other words, Lloyd pops your cherry)- my favourite writer in the whole universe💘

Smothered With Bliss - @whereireid

Is it hard being married to the most influential man in America? You most certainly think it is. — Steve Rogers: Captain America, the heart of his nation, the soul of his country. After returning home from a particularly bad day at work, Steve finally snaps, deciding you need re-educating on how to be the perfect housewife.

The Night - @misshoneybee

Working as the Barber family's nanny is a piece of cake, but what happens when the dad you've been tip-toeing around all year comes home late one night to find you asleep in his bed, wearing his favorite sweater?

Little Miss Red - @anika-ann

Ransom’s looking for a good time tonight, when you walk through the door, he knows he’ll get it. And you? Oh you’ll get it too. He's going to make sure of it.

Unholy Errand - @buckets-and-trees

You're caught in the crosshairs when a hit goes out for your boss. (Dark!Lloyd Hansen + Dark! God The Bounty Hunter + Ransom Drysdale)

What A Shirt Can Tell - @justalonelyslytherin

5+2 times Colin asked 'Is that my shirt?' plus the one time he got asked it. Aka a look through the journey of Colin and his girl, each in which his shirts play an important role.

Start Again - @wkemeup

A chemical spill, uncontrollable desires rushed to the surface, an unbridled need, and the consequences in the aftermath (Steve Rogers)

Daddy’s Little Pet - @sinner-as-saint

You and Steve are the epitome of ‘opposites attract’. He is the American hero, a super soldier who is known for his bravery, and righteousness and for being the one leading the Avengers. You, on the other hand, are a well-known fashion designer in the city. Creator and owner of your own brand, and elite boutique. At first glance, it doesn’t seem like you and Steve would be compatible. But you surprisingly are. And behind closed doors, in secrecy – you two are each other’s solace, each other’s definition of home. He’s your strong, loving and caring man. And you, his lovely, little pet whom he adores more than life itself.

Good Girls And Skype Calls - @youre-deadangel

chris gives you a treat for behaving.

Afternoon Delight - @christowhore

you're steve's live-in housekeeper and find your boss and his friends having a bbq on a heatwave stricken afternoon. they invite you to join them and show you all the pleasurable ways to cool down from the sun. (SoftDark!Steve Rogers + Sam Wilson + Bucky Barnes)

Got You - @hispeculiartreasure

The two of you had grown close over the last year; first as teammates, then as friends. You had been distant at the start, just as he had. Slowly, agonizingly - blood, sweat, and tears were definitely involved - walls were dismantled. A current of trust ran between you, one which caught Steve by surprise. As dense as he could be about matters of the heart, suspicions of his blossoming romantic feelings being mutual had proven true with a simple kiss. (Sex Pollen, Steve Rogers)

Golden Boy - @bucksfucks

you’ve always called steve the golden boy, but he snaps one night and decides to show you he’s anything but. (Roommate!Steve Rogers)

It Must Be That Old Evil Spirit - @vonalyn

There’s something unsettling about his demeanor but you can’t quite put your finger on it. As if there’s something hiding beneath the surface just waiting to pry its way out of the tight shirt across his broad frame and tear your throat out. Maybe it’s your general unease around others when you’re traveling alone, or maybe it’s just him.  (Jack-O-Lantern!Ari Levinson)

Stupid Kitty - @onsunnyside

Your father wrongfully entrusted Lloyd to care for you—it’s too bad he’ll never get you back. (Lloyd Hansen x Cat-Hybrid!Reader)

Manners- Or Lack Of Them - @rogerswifesblog

Ransom wants you, the sweet girl at the bar…but you’re not what he expected you to be. (Sub!Ransom Drysdale + Mommy!Reader)

Shadow Boxer - @mypoisonedvine

you’re stuck in the same destructive cycle with ransom, but maybe you don’t want to get out of it. (Angst + Smut, Ransom Drysdale)

It’s Not A Challenge - @gagmebucky

His jaw ticks. “It’s not a challenge, doll,” he bites out. “It’s a warning. If I tried to get inside you, I’d split you in half in the process.” His eyes flicker down, and your nipples are pebbles against the thin, easily-rippable fabric—you’re testing him, and he’s failing. “Goddamn it,” he hisses underneath his breath. “That - that shouldn’t turn you on.” Bristling, he drops his hand and pedals backward—he’s on his last thread, and it’s his sole chance to make a clear-headed decision. (Boxer!Steve Rogers)

Pretty Princess - @frostironfudge

Andy Barber gets jealous when he presumes you shared a room with one of his associates.

Over And Over - @frostironfudge

Ari Levinson is a possessive man, he'll punish you till you apologise.

Such A Good Boy - @lilacevans

You and Ari attend a business meeting, and at the beginning the other boss you're meeting with just assumes that Ari is the one in charge; however, that's not the case. While you look dainty, angelic, like you couldn't even hurt a fly, you're the one who runs the family and will not hesitate to fuck up anyone who stands in your way. (Puppy!Ari Levinson) - one of my favourite fics EVER.💘

Breathe - @buckyownsmylife

The one where the new co-star is obsessed with the idea of making Chris hers, but he makes sure to show her you’re the only one for him.

Justified - @dbnightingale24

Ransom has always been the center of your world you’ve always been the center of his. However, when he can’t change his ways and you’re tired of the heartbreak, is it really so bad if you think it’s best to walk away? Ransom thinks so. - one of the sweetest most talented writers i have ever met💘

My, My, My - @1800jjbarnes

Stevie couldn't help it. Every time he saw you, he felt himself grow heavy in his slacks. You were everything he needed. And he needed you now.

All The Time - @geminixevans-stan

He is one of the most powerful men on earth but there’s more worse than him (Dark!Lloyd Hansen + Dark!Nick Fowler)

Snack - @katherineswritingsblog

he just wants his snack- which is you.

Watchful Eyes - @espinosaurusrexex

When your best friend gets you a new job, cleaning the apartment of the most successful man in New York City, you don't hesitate to accept. The pay is more than good, and the man himself is better than any eye candy you have ever seen. Unbeknownst to you, you've caught his attention just as much. Steve can't keep his mind off you, so much so, that he drives everyone around him insane with his grumpiness when you aren't around. It seems like he has to take matters into his own hands when he realizes, you're too shy to take things further yourself. (CEO!Steve Rogers)

Cherry On Top - @dcllbows

you’ve found your favorite way to help your daddy with his grownup work. (Ddlg, Daddy!Andy Barber)

Voracious - @arilevinsons

The first time he set eyes on you; you were his sudden infatuation. (DarkProfessor!Ari Levinson)

Best Friend’s Dad - @imyourbratzdoll

you've been pining over your best friend's dad and decide to take your chance, knowing he's out and your best friend is asleep, you be a little bit naughty and touch yourself on his bed, not knowing he's coming home early.

The Breeding Ground - @fl0werfae

To others, Ari’s house was a breeding ground for him and his omega, but to him it was just fulfilling her purpose of carrying his pups. (Alpha!Ari Levinson)

My Sweet Pea - @mavsstar

Mr. Levinson lives right next door to you, the sweet, innocent college girl. Little do you know that you're Mr. Levinson's favorite neighbor. He's there every chance you need the slightest of help, maybe a little too much. (Trailer Park Au)

Like A Movie Scene In The Sweetest Dream - @worksby-d

Johnny’s always been on your “no” list, but you've finally agreed to work with him. (Pornstar!Johnny Storm)

Easy As Pie - @navybrat817

You bake pies for Andy, but you're still his favorite treat.

[urdepressedslut]

Lovesick

♡ Pairing: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Platonic!Sam Wilson x Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: Bucky is so in love with you it hurts, and he doesn’t know if he can keep his feelings locked away from you anymore.

♡ Warnings: light angst, hints to past suicide attempt, mentions of imprisonment, fluff, bucky being oblivious and adorable

“You’re staring again… Kinda creepy.” Sam mutters to Bucky, snapping him from his thoughts. Which were all of you of course.

Bucky glanced to Sam, smiling with red cheeks at being caught gazing upon you. But he couldn’t help himself. He was so in love with you, it hurt. He was lovesick, his thoughts consumed longing for you. The lack of emotionally and physically connecting with you eating away at him.

Sam smirked at Bucky getting lost in his thoughts again, glancing from him to you with a knowing look. Bucky wasn’t one to express how he felt, but he’d confessed, and Sam knew he was falling apart.

You had come from a rough past, growing and adapting slower than most. You were kept trapped away from any human interaction for five years, which resulted in you becoming a whole different person.

Fact was you didn’t remember who you were before, you had remembered the basics, your name, parents. But that was about it. You felt like you had started over in life, but along with a fresh start you had issues that lingered.

You had been given a second chance at life some would say, but it was a life that would be tainted, haunted with ghosts from your previous one. So was it really a fresh start?

You didn’t know.

You met Sam and Bucky soon after you’d been freed of isolation. They were shocked to find out you had used to be a well respected agent, before everything happened. Feeling terrible that all your training, hard work was thrown away, now having to start all over again. Some was muscle memory, an instinct that never left you. But you found yourself re-training with the two. You found yourself healing slowly in the company of them. Of course you’d grown attached, and so did they. The three of you stuck together, a deep bond having formed.

While you and Sam had more of a sibling bond, there was something extensive about you and Bucky. He was able to empathize with you, knowing full well how badly you’d suffered, and that was something you’d grown to appreciate. Having someone able to relate, was reliving in a weird way, made you feel less alone.

Bucky had immediately liked you, admiring your strength, finding your kindness infectious. You were a rare pure soul, that didn’t deserve the suffering you’d endured. At first glance he was protective, his mother-like instinct kicking in at the sight of your skittish form.

Months had gone by, and you were doing much better. You were still a little slow, and you became overwhelmed quicker. You were to be treated with a little more care than most. Nevertheless, Sam and Bucky were proud of how far you’ve come.

“You should tell her.” Sam startled Bucky from his thoughts once again, looking over at him with a hesitant expression.

“I don’t know man… I don’t wanna pressure her. She’s been doing so well, I don’t wanna jump the gun and freak her out.” Bucky rambled on, anxiety clouding his mind.

“You aren’t going to freak her out, she loves you Buck. I can tell.” Sam assured him, no teasing tone lingering.

“You can’t know that. Have you talked to her?” Bucky wondered.

“No, but it’s hard not to think otherwise with the way she looks at you.” Sam pointed out.

“How— how does she look at me?” Bucky pushed, not believing he could be that oblivious.

Sam on the other hand, thought he was completely oblivious.

“Seriously Buck? Are you missing your eyes too?” Sam asked incredulously, “She looks at you like you’re her whole world.”

Bucky thought back to the days he’d caught you glancing at him and Sam.

“She looks at you like that too.” Bucky argued.

“It’s different… I’m like a big brother she’s never had,” Sam stated, “Then you… It’s different.”

Bucky took in Sam’s words, and he couldn’t deny that yes, you and Bucky had an amazing friendship. But he was afraid that’s all it was. His chest ached at the thought that you wouldn’t want to be something more with him.

Bucky was about to respond, when Sam interrupted him, grabbing him by his shoulder.

“Your girl is looking this way.” Sam told him, motioning his head to you.

Bucky glanced to you, his eyes meeting with yours. You were holding his gaze, your eyes warm and glowing. It’s like he had never seen it before, but now that he was gazing into your orbs, he felt like your eyes were saying a million words. It was giving him hope, that you might feel the same way.

Bucky excused himself from Sam, heading towards you. Getting closer he was careful not to interrupt the little girl talking with you, the sight making Bucky watch with fondness.

“My friend is being mean to me!” The little girl whined, crossing her arms with a huff.

“Oh, well that’s not okay. Where’s your friend?” You asked, ready to scold a kid for being rude to this sweet girl.

“She’s standing right next to you.” The little girl said as if it was obvious.

Your eyes widened slightly in horror, and glanced to either side of you, furrowing your brows in confusion when you saw no one.

“She is?” You asked her, receiving a nod, “Uh… I don’t see her.”

The little girl started laughing and you faked a smile, scratching the back of your neck.

“No one can see her, she’s invisible.” She told you with a wide grin.

You understood immediately what she was saying, and felt embarrassed that you hadn’t caught on. You weren’t used to hanging around kids, and you weren’t really good at talking to them.

“Of course, how could I forget?” You asked the girl playfully, trying to will your cheeks back to normal color.

Luckily for you, the little girl’s attention span had her running away to a group of kids, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Why did that interaction stress you out so much?

Bucky’s face hurt from how much he was smiling, but he couldn’t help it watching you talk with the little girl. Something about seeing you with kids had his stomach full of butterflies. You made him feel like a nervous school boy with a crush.

“Hey doll, making some friends?” Bucky teased you, and you met his gaze, smiling warmly at him.

“I think so, the kids are adorable.” You told him, the kids even though they were difficult sometimes, they were precious.

“You seem good with kids.” Bucky acknowledged.

“Oh not at all, I was actually very nervous. I feel like I talk to kids like they’re dumb sometimes… And I don’t mean it— Of course not, I just don’t have like any experience with kids.” You rambled on, while Bucky thought you were adorable.

“Well, don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re better with kids then I am.” He admitted, though the kids he’d seen today had taking a liking to him, which warmed his heart.

It was quiet for a moment, the two of you taking in each other’s company. Then you thought of a random question.

“Have you ever wanted kids of your own?” You asked him, your question taking him by surprise.

Bucky hadn’t always thought of the idea, but he found his mind wandering towards the idea more, ever since he’d gotten close with you. Though he assumed it was impossible, maybe back in the 40’s. But after everything that had happened with HYDRA, he wasn’t sure if his body was physically able to.

“Never really thought about it.” He lied, “You?”

“I’ve never really gave it much thought either, but it would be cool to have a mini-me running around.” You admitted, though the overall idea of kids terrified you.

Bucky smiled at the idea of a miniature you, the idea warming his heart.

“Uh, so actually… I wanted to talk to you doll.” Bucky started, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“We are talking Buck.” You said with a giggle, the sound giving Bucky butterflies.

“No no,” He chuckled, “I mean about something kinda serious. Something that I need to get off my chest.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at the word serious, watching his playful expression slowly fade.

“Oh? Is everything okay?” You asked him, growing concerned.

“Don’t worry, everything’s fine. I just wanna talk.” He assured you, calming you with his genuine expression. "Come on, let's go on Sam's boat."

Bucky grabbed your hand, helping you stand. The two of you walked onto the boat.

You immediately started fiddling around with the helm of the boat, pretending to be at sea. Bucky watched with heart eyes, leaning against the doorway.

“You know…” He started, getting your attention, “I’m super proud of you. For how far you’ve come.”

You smiled at his praise.

“Wouldn’t be here without you.” You told him truthfully, he was your rock. Sam too of course. But Bucky was special.

“I’m always gonna be here to help ya, but you gotta give yourself some credit.” He stated.

“I do…” You started to argue.

“(Y/n)…”

“No I do,” You trailed off, getting serious all of a sudden, “But sometimes I think back when things were pretty bad and… Well you were there. I really do mean it— I wouldn’t be here without you.”

Bucky immediately knew what you were talking about, and he cursed his mind for remembering the haunting image so vividly. You had been at a very low point in your recovery, and you tried taking yourself out of this world. His world. His hands clinging onto your crimson covered wrists was an eye opener, that he didn’t want to live in a world where you didn’t exist. The very thought horrifying him to his core, his body frozen with dread.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bring it up I just—”

“No no, don’t apologize doll,” His voice wavered, “Just hate that you ever felt that way is all.”

Despite rehashing over rough memories, you couldn’t help your chest from feeling warm, seeing Bucky care so much about you, had you feeling fuzzy. He had been so protective over you since that day, and some would call it overbearing, but you found yourself feeling safe. You knew Bucky would stop anyone from even blowing a breath of air your way if that meant you’d be in danger.

Bucky recognized that warm glow in your eyes again, as you gazed into his. He took a deep breath, seeing as this was his best chance.

“(Y/n), I like you… A lot.“ He rushed out, and you were still smiling, no shock shown on your face.

“I like you a lot too Buck.” You shot back, stepping away from the helm and closer to him.

“You— Really?” He wondered if this was all his imagination.

Sam was right? Psh, no way.

“Really Buck. I’m not good at expressing emotions— feelings, or any of that stuff. But I do know that I always want to be with you, I always want you around, even if we aren’t talking to each other. Just knowing you’re near is enough.” You confessed, hoping that what you said made sense.

By the look on Bucky’s face, you assumed you said just the right thing.

“Doll, I’m crazy about you. You’ve got me wrapped around your tiny little finger, I’m yours.” He told you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you to his chest.

“Buck?” You whispered, cupping his face with your small hands, feeling him lean into your touch.

“Yes doll?” He whispered back, looking at you like you were his entire world.

Well, because you were.

“I think I love you.” You told him shyly, your cheeks reddening.

Bucky’s heart nearly gave out at your words, but he couldn’t help the overwhelming rush of joy that your confession had given him.

“I think I love you too doll.”

A/N: my ideas come to me at the most random times, this one came to me a couple days ago while I was eating cereal 🥴🤷🏻‍♀️

[the-winter-spider]

Invisible | Part 26

Bucky x Reader AU

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: smut sorta brief

A/N: ONE MOREEEEEEEEEE

----

It was late afternoon, and you had been nursing a cup of coffee, scrolling through potential second hand furniture finds on Facebook Marketplace. Sliding your finger across the screen, you answered with a warm, “Hey, Wilson. How’s my best friend doing?”

Sam’s chuckle filled the line. “Don’t let Bucky hear you say that, I’m doing good, though. How about you? What’s been going on?”

“Everything’s good here,” you said, leaning back in your chair. “Boston is becoming more real by the day. I can’t believe I can say I’m a homeowner, we just had the inspection guy out and everything is perfect.”

“You’re really doing it,” Sam said, his voice tinged with excitement. “I’m still in shock that you’re finally moving out of the city.”

“It feels right,” you admitted. “Bucky and I have been talking about this since we started at NYU, way too busy and hectic. Never thought we’d do it together, and honestly? I’m ready for something new. A fresh start.”

“Speaking of fresh starts,” Sam said, his tone turning playful, “when are you going to drop the bomb on the rest?”

You sighed, rubbing your temple. “I’m telling Wanda and Nat during girls’ night in a couple of days. Steve’s a little more complicated. Bucky’s going to help him move into his new apartment upstate, and that’s when he’s going to tell him.”

“Wow, real division of labor there,” Sam teased. “You get wine and face masks, and Bucky gets a moving truck.”

“Hey, it’s strategic,” you countered with a laugh. “And I have to confess something else.”

“Oh, I love secrets,” Sam said, his voice lowering conspiratorially. “Lay it on me.”

“I don’t think I’m going to work in editing anymore,” you said, feeling your stomach flip at saying it out loud. “I’m thinking of writing my own book.”

The line was silent for a moment before Sam practically yelled, “Shut up! Are you serious? About time! You’ve been hiding that talent of yours for too long.”

“Thanks, Sammy,” you said, your cheeks flushing even though he couldn’t see you. “It’s just an idea right now. But Boston feels like the perfect place to start.”

“It’s more than an idea if you’re telling me about it,” Sam said knowingly. “I’m so proud of you. Seriously.”

“Thanks,” you said softly, your chest warming at his sincerity.

“So, how’s everything else?” Sam asked, his tone casual. “Things with Barnes are still good?”

“They’re amazing,” you said, the smile evident in your voice. “Better than I ever thought they could be. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Sam said. “I’ve also heard from a little birdie that Steve and Nat have been spending more time together. Any truth to that?”

“There definitely is,” you confirmed, grinning. “They’ve been hanging out a lot. It’s nice to see them finally figuring it out.”

Sam let out a satisfied hum. “Good. I was rooting for those two. Look, let me know the date for the housewarming party once you’re settled in Boston. I’ll be there with bells on.”

“You better be,” you said, laughing. “It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Sam’s voice softened slightly. “It’s good to hear you so happy. You deserve this.”

“Thanks, Sammy,” you said, your voice thick with emotion. “You’ve always been my biggest cheerleader, you know that?”

“Don’t make me cry,” Sam joked. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

---

The apartment was a maze of half-packed boxes, bubble wrap, and the faint scent of pizza from the night before. You were crouched over a pile of books, trying to fit them into an already-too-full box when Bucky walked in, holding two mugs of coffee. His hair was tousled from running his hands through it, a few strands falling lazily over his forehead, and the plain white t-shirt stretched over his chest just right. He looked effortlessly gorgeous.

“Coffee delivery,” he announced, his voice warm and teasing as he set one of the mugs on the table near you.

“You’re a lifesaver,” you said, reaching for it, your fingers brushing his briefly. A spark, familiar yet thrilling, ran through you. “We’re never going to get this done in time.”

“Not with that attitude,” Bucky teased, leaning against the wall, his muscles shifting under the thin fabric as he sipped his coffee. “Besides, we’ve got time. You’re just stressing out for no reason.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled. “Maybe, but I like being ahead of schedule.”

Bucky stepped closer, crouching beside you, his scent—coffee, a hint of cologne, and something undeniably him—enveloping you. He peered into the box with mock seriousness. “You sure you’re not just stalling because you don’t want to leave this apartment?”

You shrugged, the weight of his presence making your heartbeat quicken. “Maybe a little. There are a lot of good memories here.”

Bucky’s grin softened, his fingers brushing a stray hair from your face before leaning in to kiss your temple. The kiss was brief but lingered, its warmth spreading through you like sunlight breaking through clouds. “We’re going to make even better ones in Boston. Just wait.”

The tenderness of his touch, the promise in his voice, it was too much. You turned your head, capturing his lips with yours, your kiss soft at first, then deepening. Bucky's hands framed your face, his touch grounding yet electric. You let the coffee mug slip from your grip, forgotten as your fingers found the soft cotton of his shirt, bunching it as you pulled him closer.

The world around you blurred, the half-packed boxes and looming deadline fading into irrelevance. Bucky shifted, the heat of his body pressed against yours as his lips moved with practiced ease, drawing you deeper into the moment. A subtle tug of your bottom lip made your breath hitch, and you couldn’t help the quiet sound that escaped you—a sound that seemed to ignite something in him.

Without breaking the kiss, Bucky guided you backward, his movements careful yet unrelenting. You both tumbled over a pile of empty boxes, landing in a tangled heap on the floor. A surprised laugh bubbled out of you, your back against the hardwood as Bucky hovered over you, his weight deliciously pressing you down.

“Guess that’s one way to take a break,” you said, breathless, brushing a piece of hair from your face.

Bucky’s grin was devilish as he propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at you. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

You raised an eyebrow, still catching your breath. “That we need to be more careful with the boxes?”

He shook his head, his voice dropping an octave, sending a shiver down your spine. “It means we have to make a new memory here before we leave.”

“Bucky,” you protested weakly, even as your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer.

“Don’t fight it, doll,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your jawline, then lower, to the sensitive curve of your neck. “Let me take care of you.”

The protest died on your lips as his hands skimmed down your sides, his touch reverent yet possessive. His lips found that spot just below your ear, the one that made you gasp, your back arching against him. His hands slipped under the hem of your shirt, the calloused pads of his fingers tracing patterns on your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he said, his voice a low growl that sent heat pooling low in your belly. He paused, his lips hovering just above yours, his breath warm and tantalizing. “Say the word, and I’ll stop.”

You bit your lip, your pulse pounding in your ears. Instead of answering, you slid your hands up his chest, over the hard planes of muscle, and pulled him down to you, your lips crashing together with a need that made your head spin.

“Thought so,” he muttered against your mouth, his tone smug but affectionate.

Bucky’s hands slide beneath your shirt, his touch deliberate yet achingly gentle, like he’s savoring every inch of contact. His fingers skim along the curve of your waist, warm and rough against your softer skin, as he slowly pushes the fabric up and over your head. His eyes flicker to yours as he tosses it aside, the air between you charged with unspoken words. When his gaze finally drops, it’s not just hunger you see—it’s reverence, like you’re something sacred.

You feel your chest rise and fall, your breathing uneven beneath the weight of his stare. A blush blooms across your skin, and you wonder if he notices how the anticipation makes you tremble.

“You’re stunning,” he murmurs, his voice low and hoarse. It’s the kind of tone that makes you believe every word, even as your instinct is to look away, overwhelmed by the intensity of his attention. But you don’t, because you can see how much this moment means to him too.

He leans down, his lips brushing against the swell of your breasts, his breath warm and uneven against your skin. He presses open-mouthed kisses there, his pace unhurried, and you feel the faint scrape of his stubble—a delicious contrast to the softness of his lips. His hands follow the curves of your body, his touch familiar yet thrilling, like he’s rediscovering you all over again.

Your body responds instinctively, arching into him, and your fingers tangle in his hair. You tug lightly, guiding his mouth lower, and he follows without hesitation, his lips and tongue teasing the sensitive peaks of your chest. The heat of his mouth against you sends a sharp jolt of pleasure through your body, and you can’t help the quiet gasp that escapes you.

“Bucky,” you whisper, the sound somewhere between a plea and a prayer.

His name falls from your lips just as your hips shift against him, unbidden, desperate for more. The hard length of him presses against your thigh, a tangible reminder of his own desire, and the realization sends a flush of heat coursing through you.

He pulls back slightly, just enough to sit up and tug his shirt over his head. The motion is fluid, practiced, but there’s something almost shy about the way he pauses, letting you take him in. Your eyes roam over him “Beautiful,” you murmur, your voice soft but full of meaning.

The corner of his mouth twitches, but he doesn’t reply. Instead, his hand brushes over yours, steadying you as you reach for the button of his jeans. Your fingers fumble slightly, and you both laugh quietly, the moment laced with affection despite the heat simmering between you. When you finally slide the zipper down and free him from the denim, his breath hitches, and you feel a surge of confidence.

You wrap your hand around him, your touch slow and deliberate, and his response is immediate—a low groan that vibrates through you as his hips buck involuntarily. His lips find yours again, the kiss messy, hungry, as though he can’t get close enough.

Without warning, he pulls you back down to the floor, his body covering yours, his weight grounding you as his hands resume their exploration. Every touch, every caress is a silent declaration, a promise etched into your skin. His fingers slide lower, finding the heat between your thighs, and when he slips inside, your gasp turns into a broken moan.

“Look at me,” he murmurs, his voice a soft command. You do, your eyes meeting his as he watches you fall apart under his touch. The intimacy of it, the vulnerability, is almost too much, but you don’t look away.

“Please,” you breathe, your voice trembling with need. Your nails dig into his shoulders, and he seems to understand exactly what you’re asking for.

He withdraws his hand, and the loss makes you whine softly, but then he’s shifting, positioning himself between your thighs. The weight of him, the way his body fits against yours, makes you feel like you were made for this—for him.

He pauses, his forehead resting against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the small space between you. “I love you,” he says, the words thick with emotion.

Your chest tightens, and you reach up to cup his face, your thumbs brushing over the stubble on his jaw. “I love you too,” you whisper, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions inside you.

When he finally presses into you, it’s slow, deliberate, as though he’s savoring every second. The stretch is perfect, a mix of pleasure and ache that has you gasping, your body instinctively rising to meet his. He stills for a moment, letting you adjust, and you can see the effort it takes for him to hold back.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice barely more than a whisper.

You nod, your hands sliding down his back, anchoring him to you. “Perfect,” you murmur.

He moves then, his thrusts slow and deliberate, each one sending a wave of pleasure coursing through you. His eyes never leave yours, and it’s that connection—the raw, unguarded intimacy—that undoes you.

Time seems to blur, the world outside fading until there’s nothing but the two of you. His movements grow more urgent, more desperate, and you meet him with equal fervor, your bodies finding a rhythm that feels as natural as breathing.

When the tension finally snaps, it’s overwhelming, a flood of sensation that leaves you trembling beneath him. He follows moments later, his body shuddering as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his breath hot and uneven against your skin.

In the aftermath, he doesn’t move right away, his arms wrapped around you as though he’s afraid to let go. You press a soft kiss to his temple, your fingers tracing idle patterns along his back.

“I love you,” he whispers again, the words barely audible but heavy with meaning.

“I love you more,” you reply, and in that moment, there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s true.

“Most romantic floor sex ever” Bucky laughs brushing a strand of hair from your face as he rolls off of you.

Your phone started to ping over and over again “Told you we didn’t have time for this,” you teased, your voice hoarse and shaky as you turned your head to meet his gaze.

“Worth it,” he said with a lazy grin, his thumb brushing against your hip in lazy circles. “But I guess we should get going.”

You groaned, half in exasperation, half in contentment, as you pushed yourself up, reaching for your discarded shirt. Bucky’s gaze followed you, his expression a mix of admiration and mischief.

“Keep looking at me like that, and we’ll really be late,” you warned, pulling the fabric over your head.

“Noted,” he said, chuckling as he sat up and pressed a lingering kiss to your shoulder. “Till next time.”

----

The sun was high as Bucky carried another box up the steps of Steve’s new apartment. The place was smaller than his last one, but it had character—exposed brick, tall windows, and just enough space for Steve to live comfortably. Still, it was far. Far from Natasha, Wanda, and even farther from you and Bucky.

“You sure about this place?” Bucky asked as he set the box down just inside the front door. “It’s far from Nat’s, and Wanda’s, and our place.”

Steve shrugged, wiping sweat from his brow as he came up behind him with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Yeah, I know. But it’s closer to work. The commute was killing me. Besides,” he added with a small smile, “the only reason I moved closer to you guys in the first place was to stay near everyone.”

Bucky leaned against the doorframe, nodding. “I get it. Makes sense.” He paused, watching Steve organize his stuff. “Speaking of moving…”

Steve froze mid-step, turning to look at Bucky. “Speaking of moving, what?”

Bucky shifted his weight, scratching the back of his neck. “Me and Y/N… we’re moving to Boston.”

Steve blinked, the words taking a second to register. “Holy shit,” he finally said, setting the bag down. “Boston? That’s a big move. Congratulations, man.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said, smiling softly.

Steve studied him for a second, his brow furrowing slightly. “This doesn’t have anything to do with me, does it?” he asked, his tone careful. “Because I’m working on it, you know. I’m starting to see things differently. I actually… I asked Nat out on a second date.”

Bucky straightened at that, a grin spreading across his face. “Did you now?”

Steve nodded, a little bashfully. “Yeah. She really is something.”

“Well, it’s about damn time,” Bucky teased, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “And no, this isn’t about you. Me and Y/N just want a house, something with a yard, and we’ve been thinking about the future. Boston just felt right.”

“The future, huh?” Steve said, his lips curving into a thoughtful smile. “Like a family?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, his voice softening. “A family.”

Steve let out a low whistle, leaning against the counter. “Man, we’re getting old.”

“Hell yeah, we are,” Bucky replied with a laugh.

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “Feels like just yesterday we were sneaking out at night, getting into fights over the stupidest shit.”

“Like that time you dared Y/N to climb the water tower, and she actually did it,” Bucky said, laughing. “She was halfway up before the cops showed up, and we had to book it.”

Steve groaned, covering his face with a hand. “God, I’ll never forget that. She was fearless. Still is.”

Bucky grinned, his eyes softening. “Yeah, she is.”

Steve glanced at him, his expression turning contemplative. “You’ve got something good, Buck. She’s… she’s one of a kind.”

Bucky nodded, his smile small but sincere. “I know. And for what it’s worth, I hope things with you and Nat work out. You deserve it, man.”

Steve looked away, a faint blush creeping up his neck. “She really is something,” he repeated quietly.

Bucky clapped him on the back, his tone lighter. “So, when’s this date?”

“Tomorrow night,” Steve admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “You think she’ll say yes to a third one?”

Bucky smirked. “If you don’t screw it up, maybe."

They both laughed, the sound echoing in the empty apartment. For a moment, it felt like old times, the weight of life and change lifting just enough for them to breathe.

“Man, life,” Steve said after a moment, his voice soft with nostalgia.

“Life,” Bucky agreed, his gaze distant but warm.

-------

The wine glasses clinked together as you, Natasha, and Wanda settled into the plush couch in Natasha’s living room. The music was soft in the background, and the mood was light, filled with laughter and the warmth of wine. It had been too long since you’d all spent time like this—just the three of you, unwinding and sharing pieces of your lives.

You swirled your glass, grinning. “Speaking of life—”

“YOU’RE PREGNANT!” Wanda blurted out, her eyes wide with excitement.

Your mouth fell open in shock, nearly spilling your wine. “Excuse me?!”

Natasha burst into laughter, smacking Wanda’s arm. “Wanda! Oh my God, reel it in! Let the girl finish a sentence before you start naming her unborn child, she wouldn't be drinking if she was Wanda."

Wanda raised her hands in defense, her cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry! But look at her! She’s glowing!”

“Glowing?!” you repeated, glancing down at your stomach in horror. “Do I look pregnant? Oh my God, is it the wine? Am I bloated?” You started poking at your belly, your tone spiraling into a ramble. “Okay, so relationship weight is totally a thing, and Bucky does make the best pasta, but I’ve been good about not going overboard! Besides, doesn’t sex burn calories? We’ve been doing plenty of that—”

Natasha was nearly doubled over, her laughter loud and unrestrained. “Stop, stop! Oh my God, you’re killing me.”

Wanda was laughing now too, shaking her head frantically. “No, no! It’s not like that. I just meant you have that look, you know? You’re happy. Content.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, clutching your chest. “Thank God. You really had me questioning everything for a second.” You paused, side-eyeing her. “But for the record, you should know better than to accuse someone holding a glass of wine of being pregnant.”

Wanda giggled. “Noted.”

Natasha wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “Alright, Miss Glow. What were you going to say?”

You straightened in your seat, taking a sip of wine for courage. “Well, I was going to say that Bucky and I are moving to Boston.”

Natasha froze, her wine glass halfway to her lips. Her eyes welled up immediately, and her voice cracked as she said, “What? Boston?”

“Yeah,” you said softly, glancing between them. “We found a house we love, and well, we can work from home, plus Bucky only has to come into the office once every 6 weeks and well that means guaranteed day to see everyone. Plus, we just… we want to start fresh. Somewhere new.”

Natasha set her wine glass down carefully, and then, much to your surprise, she started crying. “I’m so happy for you,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I really am. But first Sam, then Steve moving upstate, and now you and Bucky… it’s just—I’m going to miss you both so much.”

Your heart ached at the sight of her tears, and you reached out, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Nat, we’re not going anywhere far. Boston isn’t the moon, and you’ll always have a place with us. Always.”

Wanda hadn’t said anything yet, her expression unusually quiet. You turned to her, concern tightening in your chest. “Wanda? Are you okay?”

She sighed heavily, setting her glass down as well. “I’ve been meaning to tell you both something, actually.” She hesitated, her voice soft. “At the end of the year, I’m moving back home.”

“What?!” you and Natasha said in unison, both of you sitting up straighter.

“My work contract is up,” Wanda explained, her tone bittersweet. “And I decided not to renew it. It’s been amazing here, but I think it’s time for me to go back. Be closer to family.”

The room was silent for a moment, the weight of her words settling in. And then, as if by unspoken agreement, the three of you huddled together in the middle of the couch, your arms wrapped around each other tightly.

“I’m so proud of you both,” Natasha said through her tears. “But this really fucking sucks. This feels like the end of an era."

Wanda laughed weakly, her own tears spilling over. “I know. But we’ll always have this. We’ll always have each other.”

“And road trips,” you added, your voice wobbly. “So many road trips, and Nat its just the beginning of so many new wonderful chapters."

The three of you stayed like that for a long time, holding each other and crying—tears of sadness, of joy, of the inevitable changes that life brought. It wasn’t the end, not really. Just a new chapter. But saying goodbye to the comfort of what you had now still hurt, and none of you pretended otherwise.

“You’re both stuck with me,” Natasha said finally, sniffling. “No matter where we are.”

“Always,” you and Wanda echoed, squeezing her tighter.

----

Bucky and you stood by the moving truck, the last few boxes stacked neatly inside. It was surreal seeing the apartment building that had been your home for years now reduced to a memory. The truck loomed large, a bittersweet symbol of everything changing. Natasha, Wanda, and Steve were there, huddled together on the sidewalk, their expressions a mix of pride and sadness.

Natasha was the first to approach, her arms crossed as if trying to keep her emotions in check. “So, this is it,” she said softly, her voice tinged with emotion.

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Yeah. This is it.”

She pulled you into a tight hug, her usual sarcastic edge melting away. “I’m gonna miss you, you know that?” she murmured, her voice cracking.

Tears stung your eyes as you hugged her back just as fiercely. “I’m gonna miss you too, Nat. But you’ll come visit. And we’ll visit you.”

She pulled back, her hands gripping your shoulders as she smiled through watery eyes. “You better. And if I don’t get weekly updates, I’m coming to Boston to drag them out of you myself.”

Wanda came next, a bouquet of wildflowers in her hand that she pressed into your arms. “For your new home,” she said with a small, sad smile. “You’ll make it beautiful, just like you always do.”

You hugged her tightly, the scent of lavender and roses filling the air. “Thank you, Wanda. For everything.”

Bucky and Steve were nearby, their conversation quieter but no less meaningful. Steve clapped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, his expression calm but reflective. “You’re gonna do great, Buck,” he said. “Both of you are.”

Bucky nodded, his voice low. “Thanks, man. And… I hope things work out with Nat. You deserve it.”

Steve looked down for a moment, his lips curving into a faint smile. “We’ll see. One step at a time.”

When it was Steve’s turn to say goodbye to you, he hugged you tightly, lingering for just a moment longer than usual. “I’m soproud of you,” he said quietly, his voice thick. “And I’m gonna miss you like hell.”

You blinked back tears, squeezing him tightly. “I’m gonna miss you too, Stevie. But we’ll keep in touch. I promise.”

The goodbyes felt endless but fleeting all at once, each hug, each word of encouragement, making it harder to leave but also more meaningful. When you finally climbed into the passenger seat of the truck, Bucky squeezed your hand, his own eyes red but his smile steady.

“You ready?” he asked softly.

You nodded, your voice trembling. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

As the truck rumbled to life and pulled away from the curb, you looked back through the rearview mirror. Natasha was wiping her eyes with Wanda’s sleeve, and Steve had slung an arm around Natasha’s shoulder, pulling her close. The sight made your heart clench, but then you couldn’t help it—you squealed softly, clutching Bucky’s arm.

“What?” he asked, startled.

You pointed out the window. “Steve and Nat! Did you see that?”

Bucky glanced in the mirror and let out a chuckle. “Well, would you look at that? Those two are finally figuring it out.”

Your laugh bubbled out, mixing with the tears still on your cheeks. “About damn time.”

As the city skyline faded in the distance, the weight of leaving was tempered by the excitement of what lay ahead. The road stretched endlessly before you, and Bucky reached over, lacing his fingers with yours.

“Road trip playlist?” he asked, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

You laughed, reaching for your phone. “You mean the one I specifically made for this drive?”

“Of course you did,” he teased. “Let’s hear it.”

[gffa]

I haven't read any STEVE/BUCKY FIC in the last five years or so (Endgame really burned me hard), BUT I can at least offer what I read up to that point! Most of my recs are from around when Captain America: The Winter Soldier first came out (some from before, so there's a few speculation fics) and then I was ready semi-regularly up through Inifinity War, so these may be a bit dated but also the fandom had some ABSOLUTE BANGER fics from that era! I mostly read from about 2014 to 2019 and I can't say how well many of these held up, but I know my tastes haven't changed that much, so there should hopefully be something for anyone interested here! Anyway, I think I'm finally Not As Mad As I Once Was enough to read fic again/celebrate the 10th anniversary of TWS, but also let's be clear. I will forever hold a grudge about what Marvel did with Steve and Bucky post-TWS, that was bullshit from start to finish. ESPECIALLY the finish, oh my god okay so I'm still Actually That Mad and-- NO, OKAY, HAVE SOME FIC RECS BEFORE I MELT DOWN AGAIN.

CAPTAIN AMERICA FIC RECS YOU'LL FIND HERE:

STEVE/BUCKY SHIP FICS

STEVE/BUCKY - PRE-THE WINTER SOLDIER SPECULATION

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-INFINITY WAR

STEVE & BUCKY-CENTRIC FICS (WITH A LITTLE OF EVERYONE ELSE, TOO)

STEVE&BUCKY&CAST - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE/BUCKY FIC RECS: ✦ Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Take Me In by victoria_p (musesfool), steve rogers/bucky barnes + natasha romanoff, reunion fic, 4.1k Bucky finds himself, and then he finds Steve. ✦ you got blood on your hands (and i know it’s mine) by nighimpossible, steve rogers/bucky barnes + natasha romanoff + brief mention of sam wilson/natasha romanoff, suicidal ideation, 2.9k Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming. ✦ take all you can carry by havisham, steve/bucky & cast, 2.4k    Bucky Barnes reassembles himself to a reasonable degree and makes romantic overtures to one Steve Rogers. It’s happened before and will happen again. ✦ I’d Know That Face Anywhere by Shay081793, steve/bucky, NSFW, divergent timeline, 2.7k The 107th never got captured. Instead, Bucky Barnes is in the audience when that clown "Captain America" performs to rally the troops, and holy shit, that clown is Steve Rogers. ✦ and we are finally home by springsoldier (ladydaredevil), sam & bucky + steve/bucky + implied sam/natasha + implied bucky/natasha, 7.3k The Winter Soldier shows up in Sam's kitchen, one morning. He deals with it. (Natasha helps. Steve would, if they let him.) ✦ Capture the Flag by Shiny_n_new, steve/bucky + sam, dark au, 9.4k wip Bucky has always been willing to do Captain America’s dirty work. This was no different. Sometimes, the day isn’t won by high ideals or bravery or compassion. Sometimes, it’s won by monsters. ✦ Memories are Made of This by eleveninches, steve/bucky & natasha & sam, 13.2k Nearly a year after turning himself into SHIELD and the Avengers, Bucky struggles to find himself in the 21st century. Unfortunately, no one told him about the aliens.

✦ but hey, you’re all right by beardsley, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, 5.5k Yes, this is the story where the Winter Soldier is a Russian mail-order bride. Everything goes about as well as you’d expect. ✦ I Left Myself in 1943 (Who the hell is Bucky?) by originalblue, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + other marvel characters, 21k You have a mission, but your mind is being split in two, and there's a man on the bridge, and you know him. You don't know why, but you know him. ✦ sam deserves better than these assholes by lazulisong, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + other marvel characters, 18k IM SORRY BUT SAM WILSON STARING IN BAFFLED WONDER AT STEVE AND BUCKY AND HOW WEIRD THEY ARE ABOUT EACH OTHER ✦ broken pieces (the rough edges remix) by legete, steve/bucky, 2.1k It’s wrong, he knows it’s wrong, but sometimes Bucky prefers the nightmares that actually happened. ✦ Talk Dirty to Me by PeetaPan, steve/bucky, NSFW, wall sex, 2.5k Steve spends months tracking Bucky down, and when he eventually find him, it’s in a nightclub in Europe. ✦ the body adrift by Febricant, steve/bucky + sam, mildy nsfw, 4.2k Steve has no drawings of Bucky from before. Those are all gone, destroyed in the war or by his own hand; it wouldn’t do for anyone to see how easily the details came from memory, how often Bucky was in his thoughts. ✦ Tony Stark and the Illegal Cross-Country Road Trip from Hell by ActionAddiction, steve/bucky + tony + sam + clint + natasha + fury, 21.8k wip A stir-crazy genius, a secretly sentimental assassin, two soldiers lost in time, and an undercover archer without an identity zigzag across the continental United States in Fury’s stolen van. Or: How Bucky Met Steve (Again)

✦ Didn’t know I was lonely till I saw your face by gunboots, steve/bucky + bucky/natasha + sam + bruce + tony + xavier, 2.9k There are words on paper, actors in movies, and a grand story that fills a whole corner of a museum defined by history. There are words, there are pictures, there are movies, but they’re limited, fragmented. They can’t do justice to the sniper that Captain America trusted, the man that grew into a boy in the streets of Brooklyn with his best friend at his side. The man that could be James Buchanan Barnes leaves a legacy that is barely defined. The man that Steve Rogers says he is. ✦ the inaccuracy of historical wartime dramas by Mici (noharlembeat), steve/bucky + sam + natasha, 3k (or: Steve has feelings, and shouldn’t ever watch television) ✦ The Shape I’m In by radialarch, steve/bucky, 2.6k [AU where Bucky never fell.] They win the war. Steve and Bucky come home and deal with their feelings. ✦ дорогой by smilebackwards, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, canon divergence, 1.8k “Are you goddamn kidding me?” Fury asks when Steve shows up to the rendezvous point in Fredericksberg with the Winter Soldier. ✦ have you ever thought just maybe by Desdemon, steve/bucky + tony/pepper + other marvel characters, humor, 4.4k “JARVIS,” Tony called thoughtfully. “Yes, sir?” “Those young people are in love,” he said. ✦ Use Your Damn Words by wilddragonflying, steve/bucky, NSFW, omegaverse, 4.2k There’s murmuring, indistinct voices, all around him; all he catches, at first, are the occasional words. “—mated.” “—no difference—“ “—make him forget—“ That’s when Bucky starts fighting. ✦ It’s an Adequate Life, Bucky Barnes by what_alchemy, steve/bucky, it’s a wonderful life fusion, 10.2k This is a world without Bucky Barnes.

✦ and it starts just where the light exists by caughtinanocean, steve/bucky, mildly nsfw, 3.4k In which Bucky can’t admit the things he needs, but Steve knows them anyway, and Steve and Bucky are definitely a couple, even if they don’t know it. ✦ tango till they’re sore by sciencemyfiction, steve/bucky, nsfw, 4k Four shorts about Steve and Bucky, and romance, and sex, and dominance, and grief, and forgiveness. ✦ Permission by derekstilinski, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, 2.5k After Bucky’s captured by SHIELD, they put him in a holding cell, and strip him of everything but his clothes. He’s dirty, damaged, and Steve can’t just watch him like that, protocol or not. ✦ Milkshakes & Penguin Suits by TheLocket, steve/bucky, fluff, 2.9k At the latest Stark party, Steve and Bucky share a milkshake — and spend the evening together. ✦ Practical Mathematics by Grey_Bard, steve/bucky + steve/peggy + steve/peggy/bucky + tony, 1.7k After a hard shift saving the world, Stark - in his infinite wisdom - has decided to bond with Steve by talking about his favorite subject. Well, third favorite, after building things and smart-mouthing people. Steve is pretty sure none of his experiences really count. Tony is starting to wonder what Steve’s definition of “is” is. ✦ how happy must be angels thus employed by lanyon , steve/bucky + clint/coulson, mildly nsfw, humor, 2k It begins entirely accidentally. Clint walks in on Bucky and Steve in a compromising position and then Bucky escalates by tapping a private line between Clint and Phil. Also known as The One With The Cock-Blocking Competition (and it’s all fun and games until Phil and Steve find out.) ✦ Fate by grumpyowls, steve/bucky + peggy, 2.1k Bucky finds a drawing and it turns out to mean something more than he thought.

✦ One More Time by DevBasaa, steve/bucky, pre-serum, ~1k Steve’s clueless and Bucky’s not yet ready to acknowledge these feelings. But that doesn’t stop him from having them. Set before Bucky ships out, but after Steve receives his A1. ✦ Bucky and Bear by fromgoodbones, steve/bucky, fluffy, ~1k Steve gets Bucky a cat. ✦ Size Isn’t A Problem by bondboy68, steve/bucky, NSFW, 1.8k It’s the first time Bucky has seen Steve naked in some seventy-odd years, and things have definitely changed.

STEVE/BUCKY - PRE-THE WINTER SOLDIER SPECULATION:

✦ devil’s gonna follow me (wherever I go) by Lyaka, steve/bucky & natasha & cast, the winter soldier speculation, 63k The man who used to be Bucky Barnes lined up his shot. His finger twitched, only once, very precisely. Help me, the bullet sang. Ninety-eight floors below him, the bullet glanced off a vibranium shield with a musical ping. And Steve Rogers looked up. ✦ And it felt like a kiss by orphan_account, steve /bucky & natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, ~1k We can’t stop feeling Winter Soldier feelings. And neither can Bucky or Steve. ✦ testament by paxlux, steve/bucky + other marvel characters, the winter soldier speculation fic, 10.6k His memory runs backwards in crooked bright flashes, hard as the noise flare of an assault rifle. ✦ persistence of memory by hollimichele, steve/bucky/natasha, NSFW, the winter soldier speculation, 11.5k It’s a nondescript sort of a Wednesday morning when the Winter Soldier walks into SHIELD headquarters, bold as brass, and announces his intention to surrender. ✦ To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes, steve/bucky & bucky/natasha & clint/natasha & thor/jane & avengers, the winter soldier speculation, 5.9k They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation. ✦ lights at two dollars a strand by legete, steve/bucky + tony, the winter soldier speculation, 1.4k They don’t mean to decorate for Christmas. It just sorta…happens.

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER: ✦ Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + nick fury + other marvel characters, nsfw in one scene at the end, 62.7k Someone is building machines that look and act like people. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes. ✦ this is a back alley by saintsideways, steve/bucky & natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 14.2k Here is the only thing you know: the body remembers. ✦ your blue-eyed boys by Feather (lalaietha), steve/bucky & cast, 123.3k Steve has no plan. Not because he hadn't tried to make one. He'd tried to make lots of plans. Plan, adapt, plan again, tried to think of every contingency. [post-Winter Soldier recovery fic] ✦ The man on the bridge by boopboop, steve/bucky & tony/pepper & clint/natasha & cast, 107.5k Steve Rogers turning up at Tony's door with an amnesiac assassin - who may or may not have some of Tony's personally designed hardware attached where his arm should be - well that's just far too interesting to turn away, even if Tony is trying to avoid all things S.H.I.E.L.D these days. ✦ Soft Spot for the Hell Raisin’ Boy by ifeelbetter, sam & bucky + steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, (some) humor, 1.9k The Winter Soldier takes an interest in Sam Wilson. Bucky Barnes wants to tell him how to be Steve Rogers’s best friend. ✦ Reconstruction Site by EmilianaDarling, steve/bucky + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 7.6k He is the Winter Soldier. He is James Buchanan Barnes. He’s not one and he’s not the other, and he’s not sure if that makes him anything worth saving. In which the Winter Soldier leads Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson on a wild goose chase through Eastern Europe so that he can learn more about the man who actually thinks he can be saved.

✦ hold me tight by hollimichele, bucky/steve + sam + natasha, nsfw, the winter soldier spoilers, 11.1k In the old days, before the war, Steve got cold at night. That was all it was, at first. ✦ A Bullet in the Barrel (of your best guy’s gun) by lc2l, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, canon divergence (sort of), violence, 6k You return to the concrete hole in the ground where the mission is not dead and not in the sewers and is looking at you. “Bucky,” says Rogers, Steve (deceased). ✦ Sleeperhold by Argyle, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 3.2k He’s hardwired to disappear. ✦ lost my fear of falling by ftmsteverogers, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, 1.8k “It’s been two weeks,” Natasha says, pressing a coffee cup into Steve’s hand. “How long are we going to do this?” Steve watches the steam curl into question marks above his cup. “I know he’s still in there,” he says, and that’s that. ✦ but the fires are coming by stitchingatthecircuitboard, steve/bucky + bucky & natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 4k He does not remember, except that is better than being made to forget, again, and again, and again. He does not go to Brooklyn. ✦ we did not make ourselves by M_Leigh, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 25.1k It is like steel, the determination inside of you that tells you you will achieve this, that you will find him. Nothing will stop you. You are two sides of the same coin, you and he: he cannot escape you forever. Bucky runs. Steve follows. ✦ measured my life in cooking lessons by FoxGlade, steve/bucky + clint + avengers, fluff, the winter soldier spoilers, 4k He knocks on Clint’s door, sharp and loud, and half a minute later Clint is standing there in boxers and a baggy Army Rangers shirt. “Morning,” Steve says shortly, before Clint can say anything. “You up to teaching me how to make those French toasts? I think I need to talk.” Clint yawns and stretches. Something in his back makes a loud cracking sound and Steve winces. “Yeah, I’m up,” he mumbles, then squints. “This is going to be a long cooking lesson, isn’t it?” “I found Bucky sitting outside the tower on the street when I went out for a jog and he remembered me but I’m pretty sure that’s all he remembers.” Clint just waves a hand and heads for the kitchen, Steve shuffling in his wake.

✦ and we are finally home by lastembers, sam & bucky + steve/bucky + sam/natasha, 7.3k The Winter Soldier shows up in Sam’s kitchen, one morning. He deals with it. (Natasha helps. Steve would, if they let him.) ✦ Circling Back by chaya, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 59.6k Steve looks for Bucky, Bucky finds Steve, Steve tries desperately to put Bucky back together. Bucky tries desperately to let him. ✦ your favorite ghost by augustbird, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 21k It’s harder than Steve ever expected to bring Bucky home. ✦ Green-Eyed Monster by storiesfortravellers, steve/bucky + steve & tony + steve & sam + bucky & natasha, humor, 1.9k The Winter Soldier has joined the team and is slowly recovering, but he goes into a jealous rage whenever he sees that Steve is close friends with Tony, Sam, or Natasha. Past Steve/Bucky. ✦ Castor and Pollux by StringTheori, howard stark & steve + steve/bucky, mild the winter soldier spoilers, 2.9k A fic where Howard is emotionally constipated, a terrible human being, catches someone doing something, and brushes off friendships because he can. ✦ Find My Way by Brenda, steve/bucky + oc pov, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.6k Well, someone had to write the post-Winter Soldier fic where Bucky gets a decent meal and some homemade apple pie, right?

✦ Parallel Constructions by freshbakedlady, steve/bucky + sam + natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 13.6k In the absence of orders, the man wearing the face of Bucky Barnes must figure out who he will be. The answer, mostly, is “somebody Steve Rogers can love.” Nothing so easy should ever take this much work. ✦ five people bucky barnes never was. by rhllors, steve/bucky + bucky/natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.9k Five lives that never came to pass. ✦ no heart to recall by KiaraSayre, steve/bucky & sam & natasha & tony, the winter soldier spoilers, 15.3k He’s been in Steve Rogers’s company for less than twenty-four hours and he’s already losing sight of his mission. ✦ Bring Us Back a Souvenir by newredshoes, steve/bucky & sam & bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.5k Even with all his hair hacked off, he doesn’t look like a Bucky, Sam thinks. Maybe as some sort of stupid joke, like naming your most vicious dog Sweetpea. Steve’s told him the stories, and he’s seen the old newsreels; he knows what this Barnes guy used to be like. But it’s not like knowing what to look for is going to magically make some spark rise to the top. This isn’t an excavation. ✦ i will be your ground by misprinting, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.7k A character study. The subject: Bucky’s hair. (Also, a Bucky comes in from the cold fic.) ✦ Debts by vestigialwords, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, ~1k Steve’s life is a collection of debts, and the balance does not work out in his favor. ✦ Five times Steve kissed Bucky by paragon, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 16.5k (+ once, finally, it was the other way around) ✦ Run Until the Road Runs Out by ignipes, steve/bucky + sam & bucky + natasha, the winter soldier spoilers, 5.2k Sam’s along for this ride because he’s not about to let Steve Rogers go it alone, but Steve’s not the only one who needs a friend.

✦ And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me by ifeelbetter, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 4.4k The Captain woke quickly and tested the chain before he saw the Soldier. All the tension in his body evaporated once he met the Soldier’s eyes and he slumped downward, back up against the wall. “Oh, thank god,” he said. He repeated it twice, quiet. Like a secret. ✦ Your Mind Rings by Amberly, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.2k You aren’t Bucky. You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore, either, but you’re not Bucky ✦ tabula rasa by dance_at_bougival, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 10.3k Bucky Barnes screamed himself hoarse on that table and screamed falling off that train. He screamed when they programmed him and screamed and screamed until he isn’t Bucky Barnes anymore, not really. He is still screaming, a trapped rat running around a labyrinthine machine, clawing at the doors and running into dead ends. He has been screaming for seventy years. ✦ The Age’s Most Uncertain Hour by dewinter, steve/bucky + peggy, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.8k Five times the Winter Soldier remembered (and then forgot). ✦ The Steven G. Rogers Guide to What You Missed the Last Few Years by what_alchemy, steve/bucky, humor, 5.1k Steve’s got the hang of this 21st century thing. ✦ All the First Times by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse), steve/bucky + other marvel characters, the winter soldier spoilers, 9.6k Bucky starts over and finds new ways to survive. ✦ Me Against Your Memory (It’s a Two-Step Recovery Process) by thisiswhatthewatergaveme, steve/bucky + steve & natasha + steve & sam + natasha & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 56.5k wip The Soldier needs answers. It’s the only mission he has left. And the mission is all he has.

✦ Make It Up as We Go Along by hannahrhen, steve/bucky + natasha + sam, mildly nsfw, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.6k Steve’s a terrible liar when he opens his mouth. ✦ What’s in a name by Ark, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 3.4k Steve doesn’t resist. He is dipped back: a dance. “Bucky,” says Steve. The severely serene surface does not stir. “You will answer the questions I ask.” The Soldier’s voice is Bucky’s but the accent is all wrong. His face is Bucky’s, perfect, and all wrong. ✦ Drawn From Life by littlerhymes, steve/bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 2.5k “I remember,” Bucky says, but that’s not entirely true. Set after The Winter Soldier.

STEVE/BUCKY - POST-INFINITY WAR: ✦ Coming Back by Emotionallyunstabl, entire cast (some steve/bucky), infinity war spoilers, 1.9k    Fixing Avengers: Infinity War. ✦ How ya been, Buck? by dvorahbee, steve/bucky, NSFW, infinity war spoilers, 2.3k    A fix-it for Bucky and Steve’s reunion because I wasn’t too happy with that half-assed reunion we had. ✦ hold some dirt with those hands by magdaliny, steve/bucky & cast, infinity war spoilers, 3k    It had sent him to his knees. ✦ To Never Have Loved At All by hitlikehammers, steve/bucky & cast, infinity war spoilers, 2.8k    Steve will say they had work to do, and a universe to put to rights. They had people to find and hearts to unbreak. They had a mission. There was no time for any of them to mourn. Steve, as it turns out, says a lot of things that are mostly bullshit.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE&BUCKY GEN FIC RECS: ✦ This, You Protect by owlet, steve & bucky & everyone else, humor, 64.3k The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect ✦ By Choice or By Habit by Sholio, steve & bucky & natasha & clint & tony, 6.4k He is useful. He holds onto that. He is useful and a useful tool will not be thrown away. (For illumynare’s request: How about something with Bucky realizing the Avengers actually think of him as a person? And off I went to the utterly shameless h/c place.) ✦ 5 (+1) Times Bucky Was Already a Supersoldier by chaya, steve & bucky, 1k Erskine made it plain for Steve - the serum makes you stronger, faster, harder to kill, and it amplifies your existing qualities. Barnes, though, didn’t get any such heads up. ✦ Thaw by danveresque, steve & bucky & sam & natasha, 7.5k The Winter Soldier tries to find Bucky Barnes. ✦ Brothers In Arms by copperbadge, steve & bucky & sam & sam & tony & pepper & clint + background tony/pepper, 11.4k Bucky Barnes gets a tune-up, a new pet, and a home. ✦ You Know How I Feel, aka, The Adventures of Bucky and Muffy the Dinosaur by ifeelbetter, bucky & avengers, fluff, 4.5k Bucky saved a tiny dinosaur and took her home to Avengers Tower and on the way remembered how to laugh and sleep in soft beds. ✦ Strawberries in Wintertime by Sholio, steve & bucky & sam & natasha & sharon, 3.2k Or, how Sam’s apartment turns into a hangout for superheroes, spies, and rogue assassins. ✦ This Lonely Hour Before Daybreak by cheesethesecond, steve & bucky + sam + natasha, 2.9k Steve knew there would be good days and bad days. That’s how this sort of thing worked. Except sometimes, the bad days go like this.

✦ Almond, Clavicle, Orchid by kvikindi, steve & bucky & sam & natasha, 4.5k You say, “I don’t know what I am.” “It’s okay not to know,” Steve tells you. His face is very careful. But you know. You know that it’s not okay. ✦ you can’t fly on dinosaurs, bucky by scorpionbythesea, steve & bucky & clint, humor, 1.2k Based off the tumblr post by embracingthemadness and the tag that followed: steve and bucky making up random stories from their past and convincing the other avengers that it actually happened (◡‿◡✿) #there’s no way you guys fought nazi dinosaurs ✦ Fly on the Wings of Love by Omnicat, steve & bucky & sam & natasha & tony & clint + some background pairings, domesticity, 13.2k The Wings: Bucky just wants to show his appreciation for everything Sam has done for Steve. Of course, Tony Stark’s middle name is ‘needlessly difficult’. The Love: Bucky tries to set Natasha up with Sam. He’s a bit late for that party, but he managed to find Steve’s shield and replace Sam’s wings: he’ll come up with something for her. ✦ Swap by sparkles_stars, steve & bucky + avengers, body swap, 1.2k Steve and Bucky switch bodies. Nothing of substance happens from that moment on. ✦ Escape by Sholio, steve & bucky, 2.4k Missing scene for Captain America: The First Avenger – freeing the prisoners was just the start of getting away. ✦ think of it as personality dialysis by KiaraSayre, bucky & darcy, humor, 1.4k “I strangled someone with a shoelace once,” Barnes says. “Does that count as expressing myself through clothes?” “Uh, no.”

✦ Name, Rank, and Serial Number by forthegreatergood, steve & bucky + other marvel characters, 1.5k A Nazi peeling off his skin and declaring himself beyond human doesn’t even get a rise out of him anymore, but Bucky doesn’t think he could stand it if Steve ripped off his face, too. ✦ The Dawn of That Last Great Day by ignipes, steve & bucky + avengers + minor pairing references, the winter soldier speculation fic, 13.8k The Winter Soldier has a mission: kill Captain America. ✦ All The Leaves Are Brown (And the sky is gray) by AvocadoLove, bucky & tony + some tony/pepper + very mildly implied steve/bucky, 17.4k The Winter Soldier's mission is nearly complete. Howard and Maria Stark are dead, leaving him to dispatch their four-year-old child. One quick twist of the neck is all it will take, but the Soldier finds he cannot do it. So instead of killing Tony Stark, the Winter Soldier takes him away to raise as his own.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: STEVE&BUCKY&CAST - POST-THE WINTER SOLDIER: ✦ so this is how it is by sciencemyfiction, steve & bucky & sam, the winter soldier spoilers, ptsd, 29.1k Following the events of the Winter Soldier film, Steve and Sam finally find Bucky, and work to get back to a good place. ✦ On Your Left by TravelingRoses, steve & bucky & natasha & sam & tony thor & fury peggy, the winter soldier spoilers, 12.9k Five times someone told Steve to give up looking for Bucky and two times someone didn’t. Alternately, five times someone smacked Steve on the head and said “Don’t do the thing” and he continued doing the thing and two times he listened so he could keep doing the thing. ✦ and i have fought (in flesh and blood) by ChristinasInferno, steve & bucky, the winter soldier spoilers, 1.1k “He is Bucky Barnes and his best friend is Steve Rogers, and Steve Rogers is Captain America.” Bucky, post-Winter Soldier. ✦ The Care and Feeding of Traumatized Ex-Assassins by Sholio, steve & bucky + natasha + sam, the winter soldier spoilers, 6.6k Steve starts to notice someone’s been in his apartment while he’s not there. Set after Winter Soldier; spoilers. ✦ Glass of Milk by Lauralot, bucky & avengers, the winter soldier spoilers, 6.6k In which in the Winter Soldier is in the care of the Avengers. He has yet to regain his memories, but he has developed a fondness for dairy products.

[rxmqnova]

The very grumpy yn, more than bucky, is in a relationship with Wanda, but normally she doesn't like to show the love she felt for Wanda, she is in love, she is her person but been in hydra for so long, even after she wasn't there anymore, she was free like five years ago but still feeling that way.

So the avengers had a party, and even if she tolerate the alcohol like Nat or Yelena, she decided to try the asgardian licour, it was only a shot but she was very drunk, even she didn't recognize her girlfriend when she went to find her on the balcony.

She thought it was someone trying to hit on her so she told them she has a girlfriend, so Wanda started to ask about her and Yn become a little sappy about it, it's not like she hasn't heard anything like that from her before but the way she was talking, she got a bit emotional, she said like a small speech and when she finished she said that sometimes she just wanted to say those things to Wanda, she felt she deserved it and she started to cry a bit and saying sorry to the person who was next to her, Wanda.

Confession

NO ONE'S POV "Why do we have to go there? He's throwing up a party nearly every weekend. Can't we just skip today?" Y/N sighs, flopping on hers and Wanda's shared bed.

Wanda shakes her head with a smile, sitting down next to her girlfriend. The witch would normally think about staying in with her girlfriend, but it's Tony's Christmas party tonight.

"We skipped last time, Y/N/N. It's Tony's famous Christmas party tonight, we can't miss it" Wanda says only to receive a groan from her girlfriend. "Oh, come on" She nudges Y/N's shoulder playfully on which Y/N rolls her eyes, making Wanda let out a chuckle as she stands up and goes to get ready.

Y/N joins her girlfriend in a few seconds, earning a smile from Wanda and a kiss on the cheek which makes Y/N blush and that doesn't go without a notice from Wanda, though she doesn't comment it.

When the pair's ready to go, the girls get on the way to the Stark tower where Tony's party taking place. Holding hands they walk in, immediately getting greeted by loud music and so many people.

"Look who showed up, the Grinch herself" Tony teases, walking to the girls when he sees them, making Y/N roll her eyes.

"It's not funny anymore, Stark" Y/N shakes her head, sending a glare to the man in front of her.

"Let's have a drink" Wanda decides, dragging her girlfriend to the bar immediately before her and Tony start arguing. She knows Y/N doesn't drink, but that doesn't mean she can't get a juice or something at least.

As usually, Y/N orders juice, sipping the drink alone as Wanda disappeared to the restroom.

"Hey, there" Sam appears out of nowhere, making Y/N sigh and roll her eyes.

"What do you want, Wilson?"

"Oh, come on. It's Christmas! Let's have some fun. Look what I have here" Sam smirks, showing Y/N a shot of asguardian liquor he got from Thor. "I brought it just for you" He smirks once again.

"You know what? Fine. It's boring here anyway" Y/N sighs, taking the shot from Sam and immediately feeling way better. It surely works fast.

But suddenly Y/N remembers her girlfriend is missing and decides to go and find her.

So after wandering around for a while and bumping into unknown people, the girl ends up on the balcony, collapsing on the couch Tony has there.

"Hey, there" Wanda smiles, taking a seat next to her girlfriend as she only just said goodbye to her friend who's she been talking with here on the balcony. "Everything okay, baby?"

"I'm looking for Wanda. Have you seen her?" Y/N asks, staring at the girl next to her.

"I'm Wanda. I'm right here. Are you okay, honey?" Wanda furrows her brows in confusion, looking at Y/N who just stares at her blankly.

"No, no, no. I mean my Wanda. She's my girlfriend, so don't even try!" Y/N warns, lifting her index finger as a warning. "Can you help me find her?" She asks, a quiet whine escaping her lips.

"Of course, tell me about her" Wanda chuckles, wondering where will this go.

"… My Wanda is the most beautiful girl on the entire world… She has brown hair and the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen" Y/N says, smiling at the thought of her girlfriend. "Have you seen her?" "Hmm, I don't know. What is she like?" Wanda asks, finding this actually really sweet and rather amusing.

"She's just awesome" Y/N lets out a sigh. "She's the most amazing person ever. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve her" She sighs once again, looking down on the ground and playing with the rings on her fingers.

"How so, Y/N/N? I'm sure you're the best one for her" Wanda smiles, placing her hand on her girlfriend's back and rubbing it to comfort her, only to receive a shake of a head in disagreement.

"It's just… I did so many horrible things. I don't deserve to be happy, you know?" Y/N sighs, her eyes filling with tears on the thought of all those things she's been doing with hydra.

The Avengers rescued her from one hydra base for about 5 years ago, though Y/N just can't help but blame herself for everything she's done with hydra, even though she was made to do all those things.

"Wanda's the sweetest and I love her so damn much, but sometimes I can't even tell her that, because I feel like I don't deserve her" Y/N continues.

"Don't say that. You deserve to be happy, Y/N. Yo-"

"Hm-hm" Y/N shakes her head, tears quietly running down her cheeks. "I just wish I could tell her how much I enjoy our movie nights. I still don't know what Wanda loves about those sitcoms so much, but her cuddles are worth watching it" The girl admits, making Wanda let out a small chuckle.

"Or the way her nose scrunches every time she smiles. I love that nose scrunch so damn much" Y/N continues, bringing a smile to Wanda's face. "And the sweet little notes she always leaves for me. I don't think she knows, but I have them all hidden in my nightstand. There's so much more I'd like to tell her, but I can't… Something inside of me is just stopping me" Y/N confesses, a sigh leaving her lips as tears are still running down her face.

Wanda sighs, trying to stop the tears that started filling her eyes. The fact that Y/N hides every single note she leaves her just got her.

"I don't normally do this. I'm sorry you had to listen to this and watch me cry" Y/N wipes her tears, feeling a bit embarrassed for telling all of this to a complete stranger.

"Hey, don't apologise for your feelings. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows how much you love her even though you find it hard telling her" Wanda gives her girlfriend a smile, receiving a small smile back.

Surely Wanda's had a few doubts when Y/N's not been able to show much emotions over the time they've been dating. But after tonight she knows Y/N loves her the exact same way like she loves Y/N and now she knows for sure she wants to spend the rest of her life with the girl next to her.

---------------------

I wanted to post this one for Christmas, but I've been very busy lately and only just finished it😅

Wanda Maximoff masterlist

Masterlist

[allthosepeopleilovetofangirlover]

Dating Sam Wilson Headcanons

Sam is perfection. He's the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.

He's kind, he's brave, he's absolutely in love with you, he knows how to take care of you.

People underestimate him. It's obvious, since he hangs out with super soldiers like Steve and Bucky, but you're very happy for Sam, your boyfriend. You love Sam for what he is, you appreciate his abilities honestly, and give him credit where it's due.

Sam pretends to be happy and confident all the time, but you can see beneath his charming exterior.

He has insecurities, has low confidence, and a lot of self-doubt. He's an Avenger, and a lot of things come with that. You always try to reassure him that what he's doing is enough, and that he's more than enough, sometimes it convinces him, sometimes it doesn't.

His love language is acts of service. He's the kind of person who'd do anything to reduce your work, and try his best to keep you stress-free and happy.

Sam likes to talk to you. He's always trying to make you laugh, and he bear it when you, the love of his life, is sad. He'll do anything to make you happy.

You have your highs and lows, and each time, he's there to support you.

Sam's great at giving a pep talk, since he was like a counselor to war veterans. But for you, he adds personal touch, and gives you real, useful advices instead of painting pictures in thin air.

You two watch a lot of movies together, and Sam spends a large time explaining to you how unrealistic the action scenes are. You bite your tongue every time and try not to remind him of the fact that he's an Avenger, and fights like that too.

People try to tell you that you can do better than Sam, or in exact words, 'why Sam Wilson? why didn't you go for Captain America or his hot friend?'. You get tired of telling people that it's Sam you love, and you don't have eyes for anyone else.

Sometimes, when Sam hears this, he gets upset. A part of him believes that you deserve far more than what he has to offer, but you dismiss his doubts by saying that it's him you love and him you want.

Your boyfriend is a hero not only for millions, but also for you. But his hero is you, his beloved partner.

Masterlist

[fluffysucker]

Desperate People find faith.

Bucky Barnes x reader

An accident mends your broken heart.

A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.

I read this amazing oneshot, and I couldn't stop thinking about this idea. So I added my own twist to it. Thanks to the wonderful writer for sharing it and for inspiring me.

Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me

TW: Bullets and blood. Mentions of torture but nothing explicit

Main Masterlist

You knew you shouldn't have done it. You should have stayed home. What could barely be described a home. You should have minded your business. You should have acted like the civilian you are now. You shouldn't have done it. But your loyalty to Steve wouldn't have let you

The image of the cheap copy so-called Captain America holding the shield blasting all over the news was a hit. A gut-wrenching hit. There was a guy who was taking the place of your childhood best friend, the man you called brother, the fearless leader. And he looked happy doing so. Then the blond had the audacity to say that Steve felt like a brother to him. You felt physical pain that you almost threw up.

Rationality went out the window. Before you knew any better, you were tracking down the man who was handed your friend's legacy. The man who gave it away when there was nobody more deserving than him. It wasn't hard to know exactly where Sam Wilson was. You were aware he joined the Air Force once again. So you hijacked the location of his next mission, demanding answers.

But it appeared that you weren't the only one who had the same plan. As you were talking to Sam, trying to be as nice as you could, giving him the benefit of the doubt, telling him you weren't here to judge or pick a fight. You just wanted an explanation. You heard him.

"Shouldn't have given up the shield."

His voice was filled with anger. But you could hear the sadness hidden in his tone. Sam scuffed, walking away from you as well. You turned around and you saw him. The love of your life. Quite literally.

You fail to recall a time you weren't in love with James Buchanan Barnes. Growing up together, your trio was inseparable. You would never see one without the others. From the age of three till your twenties, the three of you were more than family.

Despite loving Steve like the brother you never had, the same couldn't be said about his best friend. Your feelings for the brunette were never platonic. Neither were his. In the second grade, he promised to marry you once he got older. And he did. He kneeled to the ground with a beautiful golden ring for you once he secured a job. It was the easiest yes in your life.

Loving him came to you naturally. Stolen glances. Sweet words. Fast heartbeats. Shy smiles. Gentle touches. You were each other first everything. It was like you were made for each other. Like you were born to love him.

And he was your perfect man. Every woman envied you. Every woman hoped to have someone look at her like he looked at you. Every woman wished for a man who treated her the way he treated you. Every woman prayed for a man to love her that much.

Bucky Barnes was head over heels in love with you. And he made sure he showed it.

You were the luckiest girl.

Up until your luck ran out. War knocked on your door like a hurricane, destroying your life.

You remember the night before Bucky was shipped. When you went home after what couldn't be called a double date at Stark expo. The promises the both of you made. Your dream wedding. Your house. Your family. Your kids. All of it. Your future. And you believed him. You couldn't fathom any alternatives.

So when Steve walked in your tent where you did your job as a journalist, who was asked to cover The Howling Commandos missions and subject their heroism to the public, you knew. The look of utter defeat in his face, his glassy eyes, his red nose, the way he was trying to shrink away in his new huge body, you knew.

Your heart was ripped and broken to pieces. The pain was suffocating. You were drowning. You felt like the world ended. Life stopped.

You don't remember how things went after that. You don't remember if Steve ever said the words to you, but you remember his promise of revenge as he held your sobbing body against his chest.

And he did. He ended Hydra. But it came with a price. Very high. After Steve's sacrifice, life became meaningless. You weren't living. You were barely breathing. You were alone.

So when the government asked you to write the final article about the war, the winning announcement, you were about to turn it down. You found difficulties in everything. Leaving your bed sounded like a tiring task. Eating felt like a punishment. Functioning like a human became a burden.

But you remembered how supportive Bucky was of your career. When every man let women their abandon their dreams, Bucky helped you fight for yours. And he gave his life for this victory. Your fiancée and bestfriend. You owed it to them. To be the one to report the triumph tinted with their effort and blood.

So you put in all your strength and travelled with the small team to write the most important piece of work in your life.

However, only a number of people of the team and the article made it back. You didn't.

On your way back, you were ambushed by unknown soldiers. They took you to unknown quarters. You were so confused until you saw that cursed symbol. They weren't gone. Neither was your fiancée.

And that began a lifetime of torture and pain. They brainwashed Bucky but left you with your memories. So when they threatened to hurt him, you caved and let them do whatever they wanted to you. It was a trap they built for you, and you fell in it every time. They would hurt both of you at the end.

You endured it all. You survived it all. Except the moment they made Bucky look you in the eyes and fight you. They erased you from his mind. You saw the love of your life, and he saw nothing. He looked at you and saw either an enemy or a mission partner. And that was the most painful torture Hydra put you through.

As if this wasn't enough. You had to face a hindrance you never thought of.

After Steve rescued the both of you, after him running away from you, after spending two years making amendments with the government and helping Steve search for him, after the accords and Zemo's predicament, after he remembered you, after Princess Shuri was able to give him back his freedom, after you hugged him as he cried, after you decided to finally have that wedding, Thanos happened.

You believe you did something so terrible in another life, and you were getting punished for it in this life. There was no logical explanation as to why this kept happening to you. Why were you robbed of any chances of happiness. Why did you have to watch your man disappear right after having him back. Why you could only feel ache and misery. Why was the world so cruel.

So you kept your hopes to minimum when Steve came to your shared apartment one night, telling you that they had a plan. You agreed to join them in the time heist, ready to be disappointed.

But the second you saw Bucky standing on the sides with his machine gun, you wanted to cry. You thought it was an illusion, but these blue eyes said something else. Now, you were fighting with a strong drive and purpose.

You thought that was it. Your happy ending. You finally had him. But Steve leaving tore you apart. You were happy for your bestfriend who finally did something for himself. However, you couldn't help but feel sad. At least you and Bucky had each other.

Bucky had another thing in mind. Because, a couple of weeks after Steve leaving, Bucky broke up with. He said he needed to figure himself out and work on his pardon. You understood. But it didn't make it any easier.

So you left, giving him all the space he needed. You hadn't seen or spoken to each other since. At least he is alive. That's what you kept telling yourself to find any sort of comfort or condolence.

So this was the first time you had met. He looked different. He cut his hair. He had a scruff. He was wearing an all black outfit. He had gloves on. He had little bags under his eyes. He looked good overall. That's what mattered to you.

"Good to see you too, Buck." Sam said as he walked with intentions to move away from Bucky.

"This is wrong." Bucky didn't give him the chance as be walked beside Sam, without batting you an eye. You couldn't say that didn't hurt but you followed them anyway.

"Look, I'm working, alright. So all this outrage is going to have to wait." It was clear that Bucky wasn't here to have a civil conversation like you.

"You didn't know this was going to happen?" Bucky accused Sam.

"No, of course I didn't know that was going to happen." Sam was quick to deny Bucky's accusations.

"You think it didn't break my heart to see them march him out and call him the new Captain America." This was more directed towards you, following up to your conversation before Bucky cut in.

"This isn't what Steve wanted." Bucky wasn't going to back down.

"Oh my god. So what do you want me to do? Call America and tell them I changed my mind. " Sam's sarcastic reply did nothing but annoy Bucky's more.

"Like I told your wife. There is nothing we can do. You just couldn't wait for her to get home." You looked at Sam. It didn't appear to you that he wouldn't know.

"We broke up."

Another wave of pain hit you as you turned to look at Bucky, who was still not looking at you. How easy could he just say it with no emotions at all. You were fighting to get by every day, and he looked like he didn't care.

"What?!" Sam stopped suddenly once he heard Bucky's words, turning to the both of you.

"You,two lovebirds who literally broke laws to be together, broke up?" Sam couldn't believe his ears. He thought you would have gotten married by now. Your love for each other more epic than all the novels he read.

"Were you asked to give it up?" You changed the topic quickly, refusing to answer Sam's question or talk about your tragic love story. It hurt bad enough, and you didn't want to show it.

"Of course not." Sam heard you loud and clear. He also knew your question had pure intentions. You weren't here to offend him.

"Right, great reunion, guys. Be well." Sam turned to walk out, ending this conversation.

"You had no right to give up the shield, Sam." Bucky was angry, and he was showing it. In the wrong way.

"This is what you aren't going to do. You aren't going to come here in your over extended life and tell me about my rights." Three of you came to a stop.

"It's over." Sam added, looking at you as you came to stand next to Bucky.

"Besides, I have bigger things to deal with."

And you hadn't rest since.

It was, indeed, big thing to deal with.

You had no idea what you were getting yourself into when you impulsively followed Sam and Bucky into the plane.

It was a constant mess. The flag smashers. New super soldiers. Karli Morgenthau. Isaiah Bradley. Zemo. Madripoor. Power Broker. And the worst of them all. John Walker and Lemar Hoskins. It never ended.

All that chaos was a good distraction. You didn't have time to think about your broken heart nor to think about the current nature of your and Bucky's relationship.

It was complicated and confusing.

You fought very well together. Your combined sets of skills were lethal. Your collective training and ability to work together kicked in when needed. Away from that, the both of you barely talked. You acknowledged each other existence. That's how you would describe it.

However, you couldn't explain why Bucky refused when Raynor asked you and Sam to join them in the session in the police station. Or why he always made sure you stayed at least an arm distance away from Zemo. Or why did he choose to be the Winter Soldier for the night instead of you compromising your identity that you kept a secret all these years. Or why, that day at Madripoor, he almost took multiple bullets for you. Or why whenever John showed up, his hand would always find yours.

You were thankful you didn't have the time to think about all of this because you were sure you would have lost your mind. You barely had your emotions in checks. And there was a lot going on.

Then it all went crushing. You would never forget this day.

You followed Sam and Bucky, running out of the building into the street, only to see the calamity that just occurred.

John Walker stood proud with the blood-tinted shield above the man he just slaughtered.

Instinctively, your hand came up to wrap around Bucky's bicep, looking for any comfort for the both of you. This scene would forever be engraved in your memories.

Three of you gave John some time. You stood outside of the warehouse he was in right now. You knew if you all went angry, the results would be catastrophic.

But it was anyway.

You let Sam do most of the talking. He was the best in this. If anyone could convince John to hand over the shield, it would be him. So you stood and watched. But it appeared that the time you gave John Walker to cool down only drove him more over the edge. So, with the three of telling him to give up the shield, John Walker lost his mind.

It should have been an easy fight. A veteran and an avenger and two super soldiers. It shouldn't be hard. But neither one of the three of you was fighting was the intention to hurt John. Unlike him, John was fighting to kill. With his new powers, he was uncontrollable.

You let out a high-pitched scream once you saw John throw Bucky away, electrocuting his arm, making him lose consciousness. Then you watched as he straddled Sam on the ground. You needed to act quickly.

You groaned as you got up from the floor, looking at the cut in your arm. Nothing too bad. You told yourself as you ran toward John tickling him away from Sam.

It was just you and him, now.

And it was brutal.

You were still trying not to hurt him too much. However, he was unstoppable. So when he figured that he would lose combat with you eventually, he retrieved to other options.

Picking the shield and throwing it at you for it cause a cut in your chest was enough distraction for him to take out the gun he kept in his suit and shot you.

The bullets found their places in your stomach and legs. He aimed for places that you wouldn't recover from. You fell to the ground, coughing blood, feeling the bullets rest so deep in your body.

John walked towards you with the shield. He looked at you. His eyes were showing insanity and rage. He lifted the shield up and hit you in the chest. The pain was like no other. And you knew that was it.

It felt ironic in so many ways. Your bestfriend's shield. The shield that presented all of Steve's values and beliefs. The shield that helped once save your life. Now, it was going to be the weapon to kill you.

Of all the ways you thought you would die in, this wasn't even close. But when was life ever fair to you? At least you would have peace now. Your dying wish was for Bucky to know how much you loved him and how you wanted him to be fine and happy. Because you loved Bucky more than life itself.

You tried to distract yourself from the excruciating pain by counting how many hits of the shield would it take to end you.

You counted two.

You started coughing violently as you felt a weight got lifted off your chest. All your body going numb for seconds.

You saw Bucky was up once again, and he managed to corner John with Sam, trying to break his arm to take away the shield.

You desperately tried to get up and help them, but your whole body was on fire. Why was the serum not working?

A breath escaped you once you heard the sound of bone breaking. Only to realize breathing hurt. Everything hurt so bad.

With cuts on your arms and face, bruises on your ribs, wounds in your chest, bullets in your stomach and legs, you gave up, closing your eyes.

Because of your agonizing pain. You didn't hear Bucky beating the life out of John after taking the shield. He didn't stop until John passed out.

Bucky turned around and saw a sight that came straight out of his worst nightmares. He had seen it too many times. Woke up scared and sweating because of it. A sight that he knew would haunt him more than it already did.

Your lifeless body in a pool of blood.

He took careful steps towards you, praying it would disappear, and this would just be a nightmare of his. But the sound of your faint heartbeats made it real.

"Doll." Bucky got on his knees next to you, holding your motionless body in his arm.

You hissed in pain as you felt a movement that caused all the pain in your body to stir awake again.

"Bucky." Your voice was a whisper. You were too tired to open your eyes, but the feeling of the metal around you was familiar.

"I'm right here, doll." Bucky may not let it show in his voice, but if you opened your eyes, you would see the fear and tears.

"I need you to stay awake, okay. Can you do this for me? Please, stay awake." Bucky never felt this desperate before.

"Help is on the way." The three of you had already arranged with Torres to have an ambulance on stand-by. You had a feeling things would go bad. But not that bad.

"I'm tired." The amount of blood you were losing was making you too dizzy.

"I know, doll. But you will be okay." Bucky didn't care about the blood getting all over him as he pulled you closer to him.

"You will get better. Because you have to." He was saying it more to himself than you.

"I prayed for this." Talking was getting too hard, but you had to tell.

"What did you pray for?" Bucky was doing anything to keep you awake. He needed to listen to your voice.

"To die in your arms."

Bucky felt the tears escape his eyes, falling down freely on his face.

"You aren't dying. You will be okay." You heard it. The shakiness of his voice.

Fighting the great pain you were in, you opened your eyes to look at him. You wanted to see him one last time. This is why you prayed to die in his arms. So his face would be the last thing to see. This voice would be the last thing you heard. His arms the last thing you felt. Your farewell to the cruel world would be with the man who had been your heaven on Earth.

You lifted your arm with a moan of pain before you placed it on his cheek. You needed to say it. You needed it to be your last words.

"I love you, Bucky. I loved you my whole life."

With that, the world went dark.

You didn't get to see the mess that Bucky became as he heard your heartbeats slow down. His screams and desperate calls of your name to wake up.

He was so blinded by pain that he didn't let the paramedics near, protecting your body until he realized who they were. They didn't try to fight him when he insisted on getting in the ambulance with you.

All the time you were in the surgery, Bucky was inconsolable. He didn't care that Sam and Torres saw him as he sobbed, sitting on the floor waiting for anybody to tell you were fine. All he cared about was that he didn't say it back. You could die not knowing how much he loved you. The thought brought new tears to his already puffy red eyes

He prayed to God and anyone that would hear. If you were standing close enough, you would hear him. "Please, don't take her from me." "Please, let her be okay." "Take me instead of her." "She deserves so much better, please."

In his long life that was filled with hardships, torture, and wars, this was the worst pain he ever went through. He could feel his heart twisting and breaking. Every cell in his body was hurting. The emotional pain turning physical.

His eyes were dried up. Cheeks stained with tears. His mind going through all the worst scenarios. None of them he would be able to survive.

He jumped up from the floor when the door opened, and a doctor walked out. His heart was beating a thousand miles a second. All these prayers never leaving his mouth. His last hope.

"She is okay."

Tears of relief fell from his eyes. You survived it. You made it. The doctor talked about your injuries. With medications and the seurm, you would heal properly. Bucky didn't pay attention. His mind focused on one thing. He needed to see you.

After knowing your room's number, Bucky didn't leave your side. The doctor told him it might take a bit for you to wake up, but he didn't mind. He would stay forever.

It wasn't long before you woke up.

You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright lights. The last thing you remember was the intense pain. It didn't hurt as much now. You just felt so exhausted. You tried to move your hands, only to be blocked.

You looked down to see Bucky holding your hand so tightly and his head resting next to it. You could tell his eyes were swollen and his nose was red. But he looked peaceful sleeping. You missed him so much.

Without much thought, you moved your other free hand to his head, playing with his hair. It felt soft under your fingers. You blamed the serum that made him wake up from such a simple touch.

You smiled softly as you watched him, trying to remember where he was and what he was doing. He looked confused until he saw you.

"You are awake." Bucky got up from the seat next to the bed.

"Are you okay? Are you pain? What hurts? I'm going to call the doctor." He was frantic. He only stopped when you held his metal hand.

"I'm okay, Bucky." You reassured him with a smile.

You repeated it a couple of times before he finally sat back down on the chair. That's when you noticed he was still in his suit that was covered in blood. Your blood.

After he sat down, he looked at your intertwined fingers together and couldn't help the tears.

"What's wrong?" You asked as you moved your thumb gently on his knuckles.

"You scared the life out of me." He answered as he wiped his tears away.

"Though we were used to this, Barnes." You replied playfully, hands still together.

"Not when it comes to you. Never you." Bucky was fast to respond.

"Nothing I haven't been through before." You said it casually. You didn't miss the look in Bucky's eyes. It held too much depth to it. You couldn't put your hand on it

"Is your arm okay? Do you need to get it checked?" Flashbacks were coming back to you bit by a bit. As you touched his metal arm, you remembered what happened to him.

"You are in the hospital bed, and you are asking about my arm." Bucky's laugh was dry. He would always be in awe of how caring you were.

"I will never stop caring about, Bucky. Even if you don't want me." It was true. Nothing could make you stop caring about Bucky.

"Don't want you?" Bucky couldn't let your comment go by.

"Yeah. You don't want me anymore. It's okay. I understand."

"You understand?"

"I remind you of a bad time. The worst. And you had to move on. You had to cut ties with all parts of this time."

"Is this why you think we broke up?"

"Isn't it?"

You started telling yourself this after the breakup as a way to pick the shattered pieces of your heart. Of course, he didn't want to be with someone who held their bad time as a constant reminder on her body as scars. Or with someone who went through the same hell as him. He deserved someone better. Someone who wasn't so damaged.

And you understood.

"No, it isn't."

He was planning to tell you everything but not right now. But words just fell out from the tip of his tongue.

"I don't look at you and see bad time. I look at you, and I see all my failures."

You looked at him, baffled, not getting what he meant.

"I remember everything."

You still didn't know what he wanted to say.

"I remember what Hydra did to you. What they made you do for me. What I did to you."

"Bucky.."

"How they pushed you too far in the lies of not hurting me. How they made you watch as they erased you from my mind. How they made me fight you. Hurt you."

You were about to tell him how you didn't hold him accountable to any of this because it was never his fault. It was never his intention. You were sure Bucky would never hurt you. The Winter Soldier not too. But he cut you off.

"They took you because they knew how much you meant to me. How important you are to me. I was the reason you had to go through all of this."

"I look at you and remember how I failed to protect you. When that's all I ever wanted in life. To protect you. But I failed."

"Just like I failed today."

Before you could say anything, he kept going.

"I couldn't understand how you could still love me."

"I looked at the list of people I hurt, and your name was first. And you wanted to help me. You wanted to stay by my side. I couldn't live with the guilt. I still can't. I had to let you go despite how bad it hurts."

"But, doll, I want you to be sure nobody will ever love you half as much as I do."

It took years for Hydra to remove you from his mind. But what they didn't know was that they never fully succeeded.

At first, he would forget his name but remember his girl and everything about you. Then they become harsher, so he would only remember your face and name. Then, it became only your face. Then nothing. The blank paper for them to write what they wanted.

However, whenever Hydra made the both of you train together or go on missions, he would get this rush of flashbacks like a movie playing in his head once he was alone in his cell. It would be you. In different places and different ages. The Winter Soldier would convince himself that it must be his memories from past missions. Effects of being wiped too many times.

The soldier was never able to shake the feeling of guilt after a training session where he would be instructed to be tough with you. A feeling so foreign to him.

He remembers the first time he refused to hurt you. They made him watch from far as they tortured you. Then they wiped him again. Every time he showed any sympathy for you, he was wiped and handled roughly.

But all the efforts weren't enough. You were the first thing he remembered once he settled in Bucharest. That's when the guilt came in. It was you. The love of his love. His fiancée. And they got to you. And he couldn't save you.

Even after the blip, His thoughts kept going back to how he betrayed you and hurt you instead of protecting you like he was meant it.

But the worst part was how he thought he didn't deserve your love anymore. He thought you would resent him. So he decided to break his heart into two. He left.

You were the forbidden topic that Raynor wasn't allowed to go near despite how much she wanted. You were the centre of his nightmares. All of them. Past memories of both of you at Hydra. Missions and trainings. And the worst, losing you. Watching you getting killed. Nightmares that invaded him, and he was defenceless.

"I love you, and I'm so sorry." Bucky laid soft kiss on your hand.

"Let me ask a question, Bucky." He looked at you, tears still filling his eyes.

You didn't expect this to be the real reason why you and Bucky broke up. But you should have known. He was too good of a man.

"If it had been the other way you around, wouldn't you have done the same? Would you have hated me then?"

"I would give my life for you without hesitation. And nothing could ever make me hate you."

His answer was fast. That was the only thing he knew about himself. You come first, always.

"Then why are you surprised with what I did? You don't love me more, Bucky." You laughed softly, already feeling your ribs ache a bit.

You always had this running joke that Bucky loved you more than you did. And to a lot of the extent, it was true.

"You didn't deserve it."

"Neither did you."

You patted the spot on bed next to you, wanting him to be close to you. And he listened. He sat on the bed, hands never leaving each other.

"Haven't we been through enough? Haven't the world tore us apart too many times? Let us have this."

If he still loved you, then you should be together. You should be broken together. You should heal together. It was poetic how even in pain, you were still together.

Both of you understood each other better than anyone. You shouldn't be separated.

"You don't hate me?" It was Bucky's worst fear and biggest doubt. If the damage Hydra did was unrepairable.

"I can live hundreds of years and still be in love with you."

You squeezed his hand to make sure he knew how serious you were. "You are all I have ever known, Bucky."

With that, Bucky got up and moved so close to you. Your faces millimetres away from each other. His breath fanning over your face. His personal scent with dust and blood engulfing you. His blue eyes warming the inside of you.

"I got the best girl of them all." Bucky kissed you.

It was a soft, slow kiss. A sign of starting over. Of getting back.

You smiled in the kiss. Bucky used to say this all the time back then. You were known as Bucky's best girl. He used to call you that.

You broke away, feeling so much better now. Bucky rested his flesh hand on your cheek.

"I thought I lost you. I was so scared."

"You didn't. I'm right here."

"Though you will leave me before I say it back." You looked at him, puzzled.

"I love you, doll. You are the thing I live for. You are the purpose of my existence. I love you so much."

You didn't care about the pain as you moved up to meet his lips one more time. And he kissed you back right away.

"You owe me a ring and wedding, Barnes." You joked while you brought your other hand to hold into his suit to ground yourself.

He laughed before he moved away for a bit, and you already missed the closeness, and he wasn't far. You watched as he brought his dog tags out. You saw something bright with them but couldn't tell it was.

"Oh my god." You felt tears gather in your eyes as Bucky brought out the shiny thing closer.

It was your ring. Your engagement ring. The ring Bucky put in your finger many years ago. It was it. You thought it must have been lost that you didn't try to look for it, avoiding the disappointment.

But here it was. Bucky was able to find it. And he kept it with his dog tags. So close to his heart. Where you belonged.

Bucky got in one knee in his technical gear in a hospital room with you connected to IV.

"Doll, will you marry me?"

You laughed loudly that you felt pain shot again in your body. Bucky was next to you in an instant when your laugh turned to a cough.

"Third time is a charm." You said as you gave him your hand.

With another proposal in Wakanda before the snap, you managed to get Bucky Barnes on his knees three times for you.

He put the ring on your finger and pressed a kiss on your hand. "It will be. Mrs. Barnes." The name always had its sweet effect on you.

Bucky leaned in again to kiss you. And this kiss felt out of the world. Like a lifeboat before drowning. Water after the drought. Your rescue.

It was Bucky's promise of safety and security. Nothing and nobody was ever going to hurt you again. A promise of a safe home. Together.

You kept your forehead resting on his as your hand found its place once again on his suit.

"No to be rude, but you need a shower, babe." You could feel the dust on his face and the blood dried on his suit and skin.

"I will be okay. Probably going to fall asleep." You didn't give him a chance to protest.

"Plus, you know. I like my man nice and clean." You pecked his lips playfully.

The sound of the word "your man" falling from your lips referring to Bucky made his heart do little dances. Damn right he was your man.

"I won't take long." He kissed your hair before he got up and left to get himself presentable for his lady.

The world felt lighter, brighter, better. You felt happy. You were happy. You looked at the ring that held huge meaning for you. You weren't hurting. You were finally okay. You had your man back.

Who would have thought a near death incident would be the thing to give you back the man who always brought life to you.

[marvelobsessed134]

Masterlist #1

This is my first masterlist. Second masterlist is on the pinned post in my profile

How to request, guidelines etc.

Marvel Women

Kate Bishop

Rizz You Up

Kinktober day two: Ghostface!Kate

Kinktober day eight: overstimulation

Natasha Romanoff

Caught

Little skirt

Package delivered

Watching you

Young, and dumb

Need help

GP!Beefy!Nat wakes up to you riding her abs (Drabble)

Captivity (My pretty little mermaid)

Dirty thoughts

Sundresses and breeding kinks

Wanda Maximoff

Control

Best friends sister

Julia Cornwall

In her web

Marvel Men

Bucky Barnes

Honeymoon Suite

Meet Cute

“Want me to suck your cock while driving?”

The one with the slutty maid and the sexually frustrated super soldier

Love me tender series

Steve Rogers

Sam Wilson

Peter Parker

Tony Stark

Mötley Crüe

Nikki Sixx

I’m only me when I’m with you

Don’t be shy, honey

Streamer!Reader headcannons

Behind closed doors

Good girl

Small town romance

Who do you belong to?

You shouldn’t be doing that…

Sneaking around

Kinktober day eleven: public sex

BDSM head cannons

Somebody’s watching me

Better? Better.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Tommy Lee

Midnight Comfort

Teenagers In Love

Runaway bride

Can we keep him!?

Friends help each other

Go team

Maroon

Little drummer girl

Sparks Fly series

Pretty When You Sleep

Plus One

Kinktober day nine: manhandling/tights ripping

Halloween party shenanigans

Attention you deserve

Surprise

Delicate flower series

First time

BDSM head cannons

It’s gonna be okay

Vince Neil

Thunderstorms

Sweet dreams

Please

It’s the little moments

Shades Of Cool

Our honeymoon (part one) part two

Kinktober day one: daddy kink

Plaything

She’s a riot grrrl

Mick Mars

Mermaid Motel

Streamer!reader headcannons

You know you want it

Kinktober day four: pet play

Multi-members

Two is better than one

Halloween/fall headcannons

Groupie Love (Gang Bang)

Cinderella (only writing for Tom and Eric)

Tom Keifer

Did you do that to her?

Up behind her with a pool stick

BDSM headcannons

“What is it, honey?”

Tom finding out you’re pregnant

Eric Brittingham

A pleasant surprise

Kiss (only writing for Paul, Tommy, and Gene)

Paul Stanley

I can see you

Underneath the surface

I fall to pieces when I’m with you

Prank call gone wrong

Teach you how

Tommy Thayer

You’re enough

One bed?!

Gene Simmons

Kinktober day 6: possessiveness

Guns N Roses

Izzy Stradlin

Kinktober day 5: handcuffs

Kinktober day 7: crying kink

Slash

Kinktober day 10: vouyerism

Barbie The Movie

Barbie

Starting to really like the real world

You can be the boss (STRLTRW part two, series masterlist coming soon)

CEO!Barbie AU masterlist

Marvel Cast/other celebrities

Sebastian Stan

Put me in a movie

W.A.S.P. (Only writing for Blackie)

Kinktober day 3: humiliation

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington

Domesticated

Daisy Jones and The Six

Daisy Jones

Her good slut

G!P Daisy x Stripper!Reader

LA Guns (Only Kelly atm)

Mistaken

Cindy Crawford

Picnics

Joan Jett

Our secret moments

[deprivedmusicaljunkie]

my ranking disc two of hozier (special edition):

lay me down - yes, i think this is better than do i wanna know. yes, i think this is better than my love will never die. yes, i think this is better than JACKIE AND WILSON LIVE IN AMERICA. the vocals, the upbeat music, the fact that i want to dance and cry at the same time… sam smith simply does not possess the range and he was snubbed at the grammys. NINE POINT SIX OUT OF TEN.

jackie and wilson live - ive already made a post about how amazing this recording is but i once again have to shoutout the killer guitar intro. it is so satisfying when he starts playing the main theme and you hear all the fans start screaming in unison. he was properly unhinged here. 9/10

whole lotta love - filthy with taste! solid, flavorful cover. 8.8/10

problem/regulate - petition for hozier to cover more girlypop songs 8.7/10

do i wanna know? - yes, andrew. i wanna know everything you have to say. 8.5/10

my love will never die - kind of fucked up but i’m really into this dynamic. the lyrics are so powerful—simple but striking. and the innuendo is top notch. this is in a week if the love interest was evil. 8.2/10

take me to church live - hearing this man sing tmtc in front of an audience who knows every word, backed by the most rousing percussion, and with THAT voice…… i’m unwell. he said there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin and we listened. 8/10

from eden live - he is SUCH a force when he’s performing. “baAAAaaabe” “ohhh what a SSSSSSin” “to haAng from a TReE *chomp*” 7.8/10

arsonist’s lullabye - as a socal resident i am feeling this deeply. 7.3/10

someone new live - huge huge fan of the song as it was my #1 on wrapped last year however i feel like he could stand to be at least 15% more unhinged here. esp during the bridge. it deserves more growl. 7/10

work song live - i DO like this recording but i think that the echoey ambience of the og works better for the song. 6.9/10

in the woods somewhere - big fan of the fact that this is about a horse. major werewolf vibes. 6.5/10

run - crazy imagery, but the diction is almost impressively bad. 6/10

[mintyys-blog]

Sam Wilson x reader: Better Late Than Never

WARNINGS: crying

The apartment door slammed shut behind you, shaking the frame. Sam, sprawled out on the couch, barely flinched. He didn’t even look up from his phone.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “What did that door ever do to you?”

You threw your purse onto the counter with a dramatic sigh, kicking off your heels. “I am in a bad mood, Wilson. Don’t test me.”

That got his attention. He smirked, sitting up and resting his forearms on his knees. “Oh, this is gonna be good. What happened? Did you finally look in the mirror and realize you have terrible taste?”

Your eyes narrowed. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You wish you did.”

You crossed your arms. “Can you just be quiet for once in your life?”

“Can you?”

You groaned, collapsing into the armchair across from him. “Why do you make everything difficult?”

Sam grinned. “Because it’s fun watching you lose your mind.”

Normally, you’d fire back with something sharp and cutting, something that would make him laugh in that cocky, infuriating way. But tonight, you didn’t have the energy. Tonight, the fight had drained out of you before you even stepped through the door.

And Sam noticed.

The teasing light in his eyes dimmed just a little. He leaned back, head tilting as he studied you. “Alright, spill. What happened?”

You hesitated. Why did you even come here?

Because Sam was your best friend. Because even though you swore you hated him, even though you bickered like it was a full-time job, he was the person you turned to when everything fell apart.

And tonight? Tonight sucked.

So you sighed and finally admitted, “My date didn’t show.”

Sam’s smirk dropped.

You leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees, staring at the floor. “I sat there for almost an hour, Sam. Dressed up, like an idiot, waiting. And then he sends a text—a text—saying, ‘something came up.’ No apology. No explanation. Just… that.”

Sam’s hands clenched into fists. “What’s his name?”

You blinked. “What?”

“His name. Give it to me.”

“Why?”

“Because I just wanna talk,” Sam said, his voice low and sharp. “Just a little conversation. Maybe with my fists.”

Despite yourself, you almost smiled. Almost. “Calm down, Cap. I don’t need you going all Falcon on some random dude.”

Sam exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Nah, see, that’s where you’re wrong. Because anyone who stands you up like that deserves an ass-kicking.”

You scoffed. “Since when do you care?”

His jaw tensed. “Since always.”

Silence settled between you. You swallowed hard, blinking against the sting in your eyes. “I just feel stupid, y’know? I wasted all that time getting ready, thinking maybe this one would be different. Maybe he’d actually—”

Your voice broke. You sucked in a sharp breath, pressing your lips together to keep them from trembling.

Sam was up in an instant. He crossed the room in two long strides, sinking onto the armrest of your chair. “Hey,” he murmured, reaching out. “C’mere.”

You shouldn’t.

You shouldn’t let yourself fall into his arms, shouldn’t let yourself find comfort in the man you spent so much energy pretending to hate.

But the second his arms wrapped around you, the dam broke.

A shaky sob escaped before you could stop it. Sam pulled you closer, pressing your face into his chest, one hand cradling the back of your head. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Let it out.”

You gripped his shirt, your fingers curling into the fabric like it was the only thing keeping you grounded. You hated this. Hated feeling weak. Hated that some guy you barely knew had managed to hurt you like this.

Hated that Sam was the one making it better.

His hand moved in slow, soothing strokes along your back. “You deserve better,” he said softly. “You hear me? Way better.”

You sniffled, pulling back just enough to look up at him. His eyes searched yours, brows drawn together in a way that sent something sharp and unfamiliar through your chest.

“I don’t get it,” you muttered.

“Don’t get what?”

“Why do you even care?”

Sam stared at you like you were missing something obvious. “Because I like you, dumbass.”

Your breath hitched.

And suddenly, everything made sense. The bickering. The teasing. The way his smirk always softened when it was just the two of you. The way he looked at you before you left tonight, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

Like he wanted you to be going on a date with him.

“Sam,” you whispered.

His thumb brushed away a stray tear on your cheek. “You really didn’t know?”

You shook your head.

He exhaled a quiet laugh, shaking his own head. “Damn. And here I thought I was being obvious.”

Your heart was hammering in your chest. “I—”

Before you could think, before you could talk yourself out of it, you kissed him.

Sam froze for half a second before melting into you, his grip tightening, his lips moving with yours like this was something he’d been waiting for.

Maybe he had.

When you finally pulled back, breathless, he rested his forehead against yours. “So, does this mean I won?”

You huffed a laugh. “Won what?”

“Our little rivalry.” His grin was back, smug and teasing. “I mean, you kissed me first, so—”

You shoved his chest, rolling your eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“And yet, here you are. Kissing me.”

You fought back a smile. “Shut up, Wilson.”

“Make me.”

So you did.

And this time, you didn’t pretend to hate it.

[baconpncakes]

Okay in Son of a Coma Guy (3.07), Wilson asks House "Why my pad? Foreman, Cameron and Chase's pads are just as convenient. But their association with you is involuntary. They're employees. I associate with you through choice and any relationship that involves choice, you have to see how far you can push before it breaks." House initially deflects but later ends up confessing that Wilson is right when he says "Maybe I don't wanna push this until it breaks."

This is a pattern with House, he's terrified of being abandoned. He did it with Stacy. He did it with his first team. And he's terrified that Wilson specifically is going to leave him. In Baggage (6.21) House tells Nolan "I can say whatever I want to him, and he'll never leave." And when Nolan replies that he's kind of leaving now, he's putting Sam first, prioritizing his girlfriend over you, House just says "For now." After they get married and divorced again, House can move back in.

It takes until season six for House to be this secure in his relationship with Wilson, over fifteen years, and even then he's lashing out and heartbroken because Wilson is choosing Sam over him. And in Son of a Coma guy, when Wilson says that House is trying to fast forward through what he sees as the inevitable– Wilson leaving– Wilson knows he's right because he's seen this before, he watched House do it with Stacy twice.

And my POINT is- I bet Wilson has also been on the other side of this before. After the infarction, when House is (up to this point in his life) at his lowest, he is angry and he is in pain and the person he loved the most is the person who did this to him, she went against his wishes and violated his trust and crippled him and then left. He's mad at Cuddy for letting it happen and he doesn't have a relationship with his parents and Stacy is gone, so now it's just Wilson. And House, in all of his misery and pain and self-destruction, would be cruel and try to push Wilson away too.

And I think it'd all come to a moment where House is telling Wilson that he doesn't need pity, or that Wilson has a wife to go home to and real patients to treat, and doesn't he have a nurse to flirt with, don't you have anything better to do than feed off my neediness- and Wilson finally interrupts and says "House. Just stop. We both know I'm not going anywhere. Can you please give it a rest? Just for now." And House just nods. And they don't bring it up again.

And later when Wilson has cancer, he is dying in House's living room and tells House leave him alone. He's pathetic and he spent his whole life being good and trying to offer empty platitudes to dying people going through exactly what he is now and "I should have spent my life being more like you. Should have been a manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic ass, who brought misery to everything and everyone in his life." Because then he'd feel like he deserved it.

And House just gives him the last of his Vicodin and accepts that. Because Wilson is angry and scared and in pain and House has been there. And the next morning after the treatment, Wilson doesn't remember exactly what he said but he tries to apologize and House won't take it because Wilson was dying he can't be blamed for it. And then Wilson lets House help him down the hall.

House and Wilson knock each other's hands away when they try to offer support (literally and figuratively), but in the end they always accept that help. And no matter what they throw at each other, they know that it's the pain talking. They understand. And they keep helping and keep loving each other anyway.

[writing-for-marvel]

These are all the fics l've read in February. Please go show all these amazing writers some much deserved love! Also please remember to read the warnings for each individual fic

🔥 - smut | 💗 - fluff l 💧 - angst | 😈 - dark

Dividers by @saradika

Bucky Barnes

💗💧 My Little Love (series) by @crazyunsexycool

💧😈 Blackheart by @onceuponastory

💧 Fatal Mistake by @rookthorne

💗 A Shot Worth Taking by @/rookthorne

🔥 Tension by @bucky-barnes-diaries

💧 Don’t Wanna Leave by @foreverindreamlandd

💗 Curly Colors by @sunnylands-world

💗 When Reader Is Sick by @nyx22-blogs

🔥💗 Endorsement by @bi-disaster-yn

💗 poppies and babies’ breath by @lizzie-is-here

💧💗 Details by @soulgazingwithbucky

😈🔥 Into You by @flordeamatista

💗🔥 Forever In Your Eyes by @/flordeamatista

💧💗 It Was Always You by @ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused

💗 a million summers by @intrepidacious

🔥💗 Teasing Temptation by @jobean12-blog

💗 Hooked on a Feeling by @/jobean12-blog

💧 Carousel of Life by @mrsmischief209

💗🔥 just let me make you feel better by @marvelouslizzie

💧💗 Until His Last Breath by @witchywithwhiskey

💗 20 Seconds by @mindingmyownbusiness

Steve Rogers

🔥💗 Fire Burning from a Cedar Tree by @buckets-and-trees

🔥 Tit for Tat by @tuiccim

💗 Only You by @/flordeamatista

💗 reinvent the wheel by @rodrikstark

😈🔥 Heat Inducing by @navybrat817

💗🔥 Jealous by @violette-hue

💗 Just Desserts by @beccaanne814

💗 Jealous by @tikus-library

💧 Giving Up by @nekoannie-chan

💗🔥 Full Moon Soul by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

Sam Wilson

🔥 Sex Pollen by @late-to-the-party-81

💗🔥 Mission kind of Accomplished by @lazypeachsoul

🔥 Bad Days and Good Head by @tom-whore-dleston

🔥 Phone Sex by @flightlessangelwings

💗 to be cared for by @starryevermore

💗 Stitched by @ichorai

🔥 Roommates by @fluffyprettykitty

💧💗 you know me better than that by @fandoms-writings

💗 I’ve never seen you smile like that before by @/rodrikstark

💗 dad!sam by @/rodrikstark

Joaquin Torres

💗 Careful by @asgardwinter

💗 Night Changes by @happypopcornprincess

💗 First Date by @kyleraynermybeloved

Augustus Pugliese

💗 Power Nap by @/rodrikstark

💗 First Date by @/rodrikstark

Jentorra

💗 Trust by @/soulgazingwithbucky

Kang

💧💗 Love Don’t Come Easy by @jonathan--majors

💗 Concomitant by @inklore

Ari Levinson

💧💗 Shallow(s) by @/late-to-the-party-81

🔥 Big Boy: Study Break by @onsunnyside

😈💧💗🔥 Say My Name by @lunarbuck

🔥 Gentle Hands on my Man by @shotgunbunny

💗 The Small Town Bar by @secretswiftymarvelfan

💗 Winner Takes It All by @/secretswiftymarvelfan

Ransom Drysdale

😈🔥 A Little Help by @royalsweetteaa

🔥 Power Play by @justagirlinafandomworld

[sunshinebuckybarnes]

It's spooky szn bitches 🖤✨ but first here's my list of everything I read in September!

As always, please give these gorgeous writers all the love they deserve by reblogging their work. The majority of these stories contain 18+ content, please check all warnings, you are responsible for your own media consumption.

Happy reading ✨

Eddie Munson ✨

Much ado about books by @jobean12-blog

Eddie Munson x reader (Bookshop AU)

Runaways by @mypoisonedvine

eddie munson x reader

Diving deep / sinking beneath / further under by @sexyprise

Eddie Munson x Cheerleader!Reader

Bucky Barnes ✨

Be mine by @flordeamatista

dilf!bucky barnes x reader

Better than before by @angrythingstarlight

Roommate!Bucky x Reader

Starry starry night by @jobean12-blog

Bucky Barnes x reader

Crybaby by @syntheticavenger

Dad’s Best Friend CEO Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Ari Levinson ✨

To have and to fuck by @sweeterthanthis

Ari Levinson x Female Reader

Curtis Everett ✨

Bruised and broken by @dreamlessinparis

Dark!Curtis x F!Reader

Branded by @stargazingfangirl18

Curtis Everett x Fem!Reader

Thor Odinson ✨

Don't go down to the woods tonight by @targaryenvampireslayer

Demon!Thor Odinson x female reader

Steve Rogers ✨

Marked by @syntheticavenger

Dark! Alpha Steve Rogers x Female Reader

All is fair by @sunflowersoldat

Mob!Steve x Assassin!Stark!reader

Love like a scar by @targaryenvampireslayer

Dark!WS Steve Rogers x female reader

His inheritance by @jtargaryen18

Mobster Steve Rogers x Mobster daughter reader

Joel Miller ✨

A sweeter place by @flordeamatista

neighbor!joel miller x reader

When we let go by @jobean12-blog

Joel Miller x reader

Lee Bodecker ✨

Layin' down the law by @lunarbuck

Lee Bodecker x f!reader

Aim, set, fire by @dreamlessinparis

Dark!Lee x F!Reader

Andy Barber ✨

The devil's masquerade by @jobean12-blog

Andy Barber x reader (Mafia/Vampire/Soft!Darkish AU)

Sam Wilson ✨

Touch me by @galatially

Sam Wilson x black!reader

Multiple characters ✨

The dinner guest by @labella420

Nomad!Steve Rogers x F!Reader x Lloyd Hansen x F!Reader

The fuckboy committee by @kinanabinks

Fuckboy!Stucky x Reader

[garycxjk]

The John Walker effect, and why the premise is flawed

So for those who haven't seen Falcon and the Winter Soldier, John Walker is a character who was picked to pick up the mantle of Captain America, and to make a long story short, he killed a man and got stripped of that title.

Now there's a lot more to it than just that, but I want to break it down. The thing is, there's a thing called the John Walker Effect that's been named after this character. Basically it's when media is trying to portray a character as an antagonist, but they actually feel more like a protagonist.

The mantle

So, here's the thing about John Walker. People think John Walker was right, that... Okay, I need to explain the story a bit more.

At some point, John Walker, feeling inadequate, because a bunch of terrorists with the Super Soldier serum were beating his ass, started to inject himself with the Super Soldier serum, one that was just lying around. At some point, his best friend got killed by one of the terrorists, and in retaliation, he chased another terrorist, and publicly killed him execution style. After that, a public trial took place, and he was fired from his job as Captain America.

And this is where it gets interesting. Marvel fans believe that John Walker was right and that the protagonists, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes, were wrong.

I'm here to tell you that both John and Sam and Bucky were right.

You see, throughout the series, Sam and Bucky were being antagonistic towards John. John had been trying the entire series to be a helpful ally to Sam and Bucky by trying to be a good Captain America. This is the first point where people point out that John was wronged.

However, and I keep saying this, but media illiteracy is ever more present even here. The reason Sam and Bucky were against John in the first place was because of John's stance towards the mantle. You see, neither Sam nor Bucky want to wear the Captain America mantle, as it comes with a burden.

The thing is, Steve Rogers also didn't exactly want to wear the mantle, it was just forced on him. In fact, by Infinity War, not once did he refer to himself as Captain America, primarily because he also felt like he didn't deserve the mantle at all.

You see, the mantle comes with a burden. It is a representation of America as a whole. Captain America's weapon isn't a gun, it's a shield. It's to protect the people, not kill them, not suppress them. The shield in general stands for defense, not offense.

It's not that Steve doesn't kill, he just doesn't needlessly kill.

Was John Walker's kill needless? No, most definitely not. But I'll leave that part for later.

Too eager

As said, throughout the series, Sam and Bucky were rather dismissive and often outright antagonistic towards John, with John trying to be a good partner. He was eager to work with Sam and Bucky, maybe even too eager at that.

You see, here's the thing. Steve was Sam and Bucky's best friend, he wasn't just their co-worker. They didn't admire him, they didn't worship him, they were genuine friends.

It's like, when a friend leaves the band because he found a wife and a well paying job, and some talented kid jumps in and pretends to be, like, hey, I'm here to help you guys out. No, you will never be a replacement, so don't act like one.

John didn't try to become his own Captain America, he tried to be Steve Rogers, and that's what pissed Sam and Bucky off. John wasn't a hero at that point, he was just a soldier hired by the US government, a mascot.

That's what pissed Sam and Bucky off. It wasn't that John replaced a hero, John tried to replace their friends, in every single way. John was that kid who couldn't read the room. And sure, Sam and Bucky could have phrased it better, but they also had their own issues to deal with.

The kill

So let's discuss the elephant in the room. The kill, or rather, the execution, because face it, it was a public execution.

So, at some point, John's best friend Lemar Hoskins, also known as Battlestar, got killed, John, naturally, went mad, and at some point chased one of the terrorists. After beating him down, the man held up his hands as if to surrender. John however responded by just using his shield to kill him.

Was the kill warranted? I mean, yeah, it was a Super Soldier powered individual. However, the way he was killed? Not cool. You see, to the random bystander, it just looked like Captain America was brutalizing a person who just surrendered.

In the aftermath, Sam and Bucky wrestled the shield out of his hands, because he just tainted the Captain America image, and the US government denounced his actions, stripping away his Captain America title, because he just tainted the Captain America brand.

And that's the thing. It's all about image and brand. Yes, Captain America kills, but he never executes. He kills to protect, he doesn't kill in retaliation. What people saw was a retaliation kill.

"I did it well"

So, I may have implied that John Walker was in the wrong every step of the way, however, I want to bring to you something that's important, to show you that John Walker was right to be angry.

During the trial, the government tried to put all the blame on John, however, John rightfully says:

"I only did what you asked of me, what you told me to be and train me to do! And I did it. And I did it well."

Here's the thing. John Walker wasn't just selected. He was selected from the best of the best, within the US army. He was literally trained to do what he did.

However, when things went South, when things didn't go the way they expected, they dropped him. Why? Because of public opinion. Not just of the US citizens, or rather, not of the US citizens, and I'll get back to that in a second, but of that of the rest of the world. Even in the MCU, the US doesn't exactly have a great standing. Things like Sokovia didn't exactly help with their image. So to see an American brutalize a seemingly random person outside of US soil isn't a great look, especially if they don't know the full picture.

John Walker wasn't a moral issue. He was a PR issue.

You can even see it in the next episode, where about half of the US population stood behind John. You see, even in-universe, people agreed with him.

John isn't a protagonist...

But let's back up for a minute. Let's create a series from John's point of view. If you look at it, the basic premise would then be, a guy is trying to become Captain America, or rather, trying to replace him. Because that's what his entire story arc has been.

In no way did he try to establish a new relationship with Sam or Bucky. He just asserted himself as Captain America, and expected that, because he was Captain America, he earned the right to have their cooperation. But he wasn't Steve. He wasn't their friend. Not once did he try to look at it from their point of view, how they felt.

After that, when he got his ass handed to him by the Dora Milaje, he essentially got desperate enough to actually go for the Super Soldier serum.

And this is where another character comes into play. Helmut Zemo. Let me write down what he has to say about Karli Morgenthau and the Super Soldier serum.

Zemo: "The desire to become a super human cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path. She will not stop, she will escalate, until you kill her. Or she kills you."

Bucky: "Maybe you're wrong, Zemo. The serum never corrupted Steve."

Zemo: "Touché. But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?"

By actively going for that serum, John has put himself on a dangerous path. He wanted to become stronger, he wanted to become the next Steve Rogers. However, the serum never corrupted Steve because of what the serum does, aside from making you stronger.

It basically amplifies your best and worst traits. Steve's trait was his desire to protect people, first and foremost, no matter the consequences. It's what led to Civil War. In his unfaltering conviction, he caused the Avengers to break up, instead of trying to find a middle road. The same goes to Peggy Carter. She too hasn't been corrupted by the super soldier serum, at least not in the What If...? series.

John's strongest trait was his will to be stronger, to be as strong as Captain America. Sure, he did have the feeling of plight to save people, but they were overshadowed by his desires. It's essentially what corrupted him, or, well, I wouldn't exactly say corrupted.

... Yet

By the end, John is no longer Captain America, however, he did feel the need to prove himself, so he set out to take down Karli. However, when people's lives were at stake, he had the choice, either go for the prize, or stop and help people.

It's at this moment that he actually earned the respect of Sam, as he actually did the one heroic thing. He set aside his personal desires to help people, because that's what heroes do.

And that's the thing. John shouldn't be Captain America, because it comes with a burden. You have to set your pride aside and be there for the people, you need to stand behind your principles. The Captain America brand actually stands in the way of John's principles, which is to eliminate threats by any means possible, whereas Captain America stands for protecting first, eliminating second.

It's also why Sam has to take the mantle, not because he wants to, but because he has to. Where Steve stood for the old America, Sam stands for the new. It's a world post-Endgame, one after the Blip. Sam needs to be the shield that protects America.

John, however, has to fulfill a different role, to be the gun, because quite often, you just can't protect the world with just a shield.