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may-bee-its-just-me · 23 days

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personal life update

Hey yall, i figured i'd take some time to give a personal life update as well as allow myself to vent for a second. I'll start with the positives for those not interested in the emotional bits :]

I've been making more substantial steps towards buying a car! I've been looking into this one Saturn, and while it's got a few minor issues, it's still my best option so far. Hoping to buy it for 2000, or 2500-3000 if the seller is willing to continue fixing the current known issues.

I've also been growing a bit closer to God, and I've been finding peace among the chaos. I'm learning to lean on Him for support - which has been an uphill battle against myself and the feeling I need to cling onto what i can control, but when i have been able to let go it's been very freeing. I'm still working on myself and growing in Christ, but progress is progress.

I recently got promoted to Crew trainer (about a month or two ago). I'm now making 75 cents more an hour than I did this time last year, after two biannual performance reviews and a promotion. I heard rumors that I'd been in consideration for a management position but I havent been talked to about it specifically, and I'm not sure if I'd accept if offered it. Still flattering to know though :]

Apparently more than once, customers have spoken to my managers and possibly even some higher ups praising my work ethic. I think its specifically when working on front counter/in lobby, as I'm most actively engaging with customers then and they can see me compulsively scanning over lobby for trash when im otherwise not busy. Regardless, it's nice to know I'm making a genuine positive impact on customers' experiences and potentially the rest of their days. Today, one such pair of customers is an older couple known for being very particular, occasionally rude/difficult to serve. They had already called our regional manager that day to complain before I was moved up front, saw them, and said hi. Later on one of my managers came up to me and had mentioned they liked me, and I assume said something to them about it. :]

On the flip side, i've been in a depressive funk for several months now. I'm actually questioning if it's a depressive funk, or if I'm always depressed and sometimes it's just...not as bad. But the last few weeks have been worse. I'm struggling to take care of myself, and while it's not as bad as it has gotten before - I went three days without showering this week and lately i've been routinely skipping showers after maintaining showering almost daily for a year.

For the last few weeks I keep going back and forth between losing my appetite, and eating myself into feeling sick. I'm pretty sure this is from grief and will pass though.

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks/almost a month ago. For reasons, although there wasn't any real conflict between us during the relationship, it was more internal conflict and convictions. We'd been getting distracted with each other, putting off other things to spend time with each other. He needed to focus on his health and figuring his life out. Part of me still wants to cling onto hope he'll come back around, wants to go back and fight back against his reasons for leaving, because I damn know he still cares about me more than friends. But I'm trying to just trust that if we're meant to be, God will bring us together again naturally when we're ready for it. Trying to focus on getting my shit together on my end, and let Him figure the rest out. We're still friends, and through the relationship we were always friends above all else, so I'm thankful to still just have him in my life. I'll be okay, but the grief does eat away at me sometimes. I thought I had been recovering from it pretty well, but that was suppression (oops). I keep going back and forth from feeling okay about it, and feeling like a piece of me is missing. I even get mad at him from time to time, blaming him for my hurt feelings. "You promised forever" "you actively encouraged me to open up and lean on you, encouraged me to share my burdens with you, and now im supposed to just be okay with that ripped away" and then i see him, and i remember its not his fault, and he's always had my best interest in mind. Even in breaking up with me, he was doing out of the place of wanting what was best for both of us, and thought I deserved someone who already had everything together and wasnt a mess in himself. I know he genuinely meant every word he said in the moment, because i saw him. I saw it in his eyes. I saw it in his actions. I found the card he gave me for my birthday, and it made me cry, because it hurts my heart to think he's breaking both of our hearts needlessly. But everything happens for a reason, and so I'm trying to just...go with the flow of wherever this season of my life takes me. It hurts to think of either of us moving on with someone else, but whatever happens happens. I have so much love to give, and it's a challenge to find somewhere in the tangible physical realm to put it.

Silver lining, he said I can keep the shirt and hoodie he had let me borrow before. I've been wearing his hoodie everywhere...The only thing stopping me from still carrying my promise ring around is the sensory issues that caused me to stop wearing it to work in the first place.

The few coworkers I've told are convinced we're going to get back together soon, but again, trying to trust God and not my own hopes and dreams lol At the very least, no one can gossip about the break up because they can still see us laughing and getting along fine at work. A different couple had briefly broken up, and the amount of gossip that was floating around was awful - everyone talking trash about either person involved because there was a lot of friction between them. I'm just glad that wont be the case for us, and if we don't reunite anytime soon, at least we can still function at work more or less normally.

thats all tonight folks. Thanks for reading, God bless.

-Mod Bee🐝

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indescribeable · 6 months

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I guess it's time yall!

Hi! i currently have 2 fanfics going over on Ao3 and yes they havent been updated in a while lmao but thats because ive been lacking motivation the ideas are there but getting them on paper and also trying to force myself to write isnt going too well but thats why im here! I have decided after reading so many wonderfull posts and fanfics and ask ect from the seduce me tumblr community i wanted to pop on and start taking asks also this is a really good place for me to just vomit my love for seduce me and kpop i have too much information im keeping to myself XD anyway im gonna leave some points here of what i refuse to write about because i refuse to make myself uncomfortable and some other notes about stuff you may request that im not too confident in just so you no what your getting into. Anyway without further adue here are the points and im exited to finnaly be apart of the seduce me tumblr community <3

Things i REFUSE to write about!

OK FIRST OF ALL i WILL NOT write about daddy kinks it makes me uncomfortable and wanna vomit (but thats just me) also i completely agree with Michaela when she says the boys (especially James yeah i see you guys dont get me wrong hes my fav but just no) would not have a daddy kink because of there father it makes total sense to me Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Secondly ANY FORM OF INCEST IS A NO just no enough said.

Thats about it for now but ill update you guys if anything else comes to mind.

Things im not the most confident with.

Ok so NSFW dont get me wrong im happy to write it i just havent written it before and i have seen alot of cringy stuff in my time XD so if you do request it it might take me a lil while to get it out and it may be kinda well bad XD

Ok first Trigger Warning things like self harm, suicude, eating dissorders ect i myself struggle with anxiety and depression amongst other things so some things i will be good at but i just havent experienced myself quite alot of these types of things which i am verry greatfull for but if i am going to write them i want it to be done correctly and in the right way so ill try my best but bear with me ok.

Ok and thats everything i hope to get some requests from yall soon and hope to be able to nerd out with you all <3

ALSOOOO if your sleeping on mamamoo dont im gonna add one of my fav songs down here for them because i just love them ok ok <3

#seduce me the otome #seduce me the demon war #smto #seducemetheotome #seducemeotome #seduceme

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xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx · 8 months

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ive gained some weight and idk how to feel abt it

ive never been skinny but recently i have realized ive gained a few pounds. there isnt a scale in my house (both my ma and i have struggled w self esteem) but i just can tell. i get that weight fluctuates esp as a teenager but still i feel icky abt it. gaining a few wouldnt kill me but losing a few wouldnt either. no one has said anything to me but still i can tell and its bothering me. i mentioned it to my bf the other day and ofc he said it didnt matter to him. either way its not that i feel bad abt it necessarily well no i feel bad but like not horrible???? like there was a time where id sob abt this but rn i just feel kinda gross abt it like uncomfy abt it. doesnt help that im eating a bagel while typing this. it kinda makes me wanna stop eating again even tho that is NOT the solution to this. the main reason i think that ive gained a few pounds is cause the weather is cold and has been rainy where i live so i havent been going on walks as much, went on my first one all winter yesterday after school, also we started health in PE so i havent had the usual 4 times a week half hour of physical activity that i usually do so thats probably why either way ill probably just walk in the cold and eat a bit better.

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diagonal-queen · 1 year

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belated thungo thursday! someone's about to be real sad and that someone is ME

dazai: you have to do an impossibly important job for me akutagawa: oka- dazai: keep atsushi safe akutagawa: N E V E R

akutagawa was like 'dont kill the weretiger. not cus i like him or anything, but because if you kill him, he's gonna revive and he's gonna be an even bigger pain in the ass. save all of us the trouble'

NOT fukuchi being like 'respect the elderly' and akutagawa is like 'i don't discriminate. i hate everyone regardless of their age'

am i the only one who sometimes gets a little annoyed at how atsushi and akutagawa are always arguing with each other? like in the right time and place it's very funny and actually very important to their relationship but the two of them will literally put more effort into insulting each other than defending their lives from the powerful enemy who is very much trying to kill them. PRIORITIES BOYS. PRIORITIES. EVEN SOUKOKU DON'T DO THAT

'Do we need any more?' who wants to tell him

(SORRY THAT WAS SO UNCALLED FOR LMAOOAAOOAOAOAOAOAOAOA)

i wonder how fukuchi discovered his ability. like imagine as a kid he was just like hanging out with a friend or something and they were eating chips or something and he jokingly throws a chip at his friend and the impact from that single chip makes said friend fly across the room and land on the floor dead and fukuchi is like 'uh. whoops'

NOOOOO THEY DIDNT ANIMATE THE PART WHERE AKUTAGAWA AND ATSUSHI WERE ARM IN ARM FOR A SECOND BEFORE AKUTAGAWA PUSHED HIM AWAY :(

'four years ago dazai san abandoned me' omg akutagawa taking that shit SO personal. he left because his bestie got killed by some french dude it had nothing to do with your emo ass

'i don't get paid enough to die with a villain!' he was so real for that

holy shit the part where sskk caught the bullets and dropped them i fucking gasped. that was so sexy and for what??? why was that so hot i rewatched it like ten times holy shit hotties

okay akutagawa knowing how to safely choke someone?? i guess we know what he's into

im curious as to why atsushi didnt ask akutagawa to go longer without killing someone- like a year or something. did he think he'd say no? was he thinking 'that's too high a goal for this maniac. baby steps' LMAOOOO

i love how atsushi's run is like this goofy ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡ thing while akutagawa just naruto runs with a stone cold expression

'should we be outed, my head will be the first to fly' akutagawa on his odasaku arc

(THAT ONE WAS EVEN MEANER HELP IM SO SORRY)

i think its established pretty well now that i find atsushi sexy (and im sure absolutely nobody else does, but dont come for me) his tiger stripe mark things on his face make him look WICKEDLY attractive. argue with the wall

fukuchi live tweeting this crap like 'having a smoke while these gay boys plan to kill me. i'll update if i live lol'

people really always be like 'fukuchi has a point because of his war experience' i guarantee you if you were to approach any actual veterans and ask them if their experience in conflict made them want to plot for decades in order to kill everyone in the world who has ever been a veteran/fought in any sort of conflict, they would NOT give you an affirmative response. shut the fuck up

AND HE'S LIKE 'my struggles have been infinite and nobody gives me recognition for them so im mad' BUDDY WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO?????? AKUTAGAWA IS RIGHT THERE (and atsushi too but i mean he's kinda gotten some recognition for his rough life. akutagawa's gotten NONE)

imagine akutagawa like in beast breaking his arm and yosano is like 'oh dw akutagawa i can fi-' and then he's just using rashoumon to do it himself lmao (does he do that in beast? i havent finished it)

atsushi: i need to defeat this villain me: cus he wants to end the wor- atsushi: because i dont want akutagawa to do it first me:

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THEIR CONSTANT BICKERING???? DAMNIT SSKK

heyyyyy we finally got an akutagawa ass shot!!! *adds to collection* i

akutagawa: i need to defeat this villain me: cus he wants to end the wor- akutagawa: because i want dazai to think im cool me:

i mean he soon followed it by saying 'i would never work for you because you'll never be as cool as dazai' which is very true, so i guess you've redeemed yourself for now akutagawa

akutagawa in uniform >>>>>>>>

whoever is voicing akutagawa and atsushi in this ep deserves a million billion dollars

im sorry sskk. i didnt mean to laugh. but the sudden triumphant moment being cut off (as well as atsushi's hand lmaoo) made me giggle im sorry

TIGER FISHEYE

this episode got me wondering all over again; HOW is anybody going to defeat fukuchi. there is (seemingly) literally no way to best the spacetime sword (can't be arsed to remember its name im sorry). how the hell are they gonna resolve this. im not smart enough to theorise like the rest of you guys

holy shit what a perfect way to end that episode. like the suddenness of it and screaming akutagawa's name, but also because i haven't stopped listening to tetsu no ori since it came out and i'm obsessed with this song. everyone say thankyou granrodeo

i'm surprised i spent most of that time thirsting instead of crying. let's wait and see what happens next thungo thursday!!

#dia's daydreams #thungo thursday #the sillies #thirsty thungo thursday #haha #alliteration frustration #HAHA #rhyme time #HEHEHAHSHDHDH

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blackvail22 · 7 months

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i havent had the urge to * in a while, and it just crossed my mind.. i need my dosage increased asap !!!!

im okay its just sometimes when my negative emotions gets too much i get too aware of my forearms and i get the urge

i feel especially sad because i was taught that i was unlovable, and i know thats not true... i am loved. its just that every time someone gets close to me, im afraid that they'll see "the real me" and find it unattractive. "the real me" - me when im at a low point, or when i eat a lot or dont eat at all because of my e.d. they'll see how much i struggle with how i see myself and how perfect i have to sculpt myself each day... or, i'll open up more about my childhood and things ive experienced, and they see me as... that. i dont want to be seen as that. i dont want to be seen as the scared kid that i was. and, with my boyfriend, now, his family is pretty stable. he loves his parents, truly, and financially, he's stable as well. i feel like a freak. he doesnt make me feel this way, he doesnt tell me this and he never said anything to make me feel this way... its just that ive been told enough times that my neighborhood is "disgusting" and "sketchy." my house is messy and reeks of cigarette smoke with a mix of cannabis.

i feel like a freak because i dont live inside the norms.... my gender identity, sexual orientation, size, financial situation, background, health.... none of it is "normal". growing up, it was beat into me that i was a freak for it. i believed it and believed it, nd now i cant escape it.

its just another one of those nights where i wish i came from a "normal" family. i just wish i didn't have to struggle so much.

no one deserves to live in such a broken home... no one

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thighofnewt · 2 years

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Trigger warning eating disorder

ive been having a hard time lately with.. well, so i sort of..... ive had a problem with weight and eating starting around 2017, so ive had a lot of fluctuations in restriction and such. last year i went through a really rough break up and i was devastated. my appetite is affected by stress, and through the whole ordeal i was very stressed. so i couldnt eat and i was like 90lbs soaking wet. ive spent a good chunk of the year since then working on getting to a healthier weight and trying to be okay and not freak out about it like i had before. and it was fine at first. there was a lot that happened and was said through the break up that made it really easy to not freak out. but its been a year, like 13 months now, and its... its getting harder and harder not to. and im struggling with it a lot lately. i dont wanna slide back, but it keeps being on my mind and theres little thoughts that have come back that hadnt been around for a while- at least not like that. i dont even.. like normally id throw a quick passing snippet on twitter but theres so many people following me there who know me i dont feel like i can do that. its an awkward timing where they havent seen me online for very long at all, and in person only the slightest bit more. its a bad time to start throwing that out there. especially when someone im vaguely interested in is there and everybody knows each other. otherwise i just dont feel like i can talk to anyone about it and them take me seriously. i just.. i dunno, it never stays away and that makes me feel trapped in it. and i know that when i dont eat i feel worse and thats probably why i feel this bad about it right now but i dunno.. sometimes when it hurts it doesnt feel bad and i have no control of everything else going on in my life and things keep going wrong and.... its just.. i dont know what to do. im in a bit of a pickle here and this is the cherry on top thats gonna drive me crazy i think.

#this is stupid #tw eating issues #tw disordered eating #tw eating disorder #ana trigger #tw ana thoughts #tw ed vent

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cyborg-franky · 3 years

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hello franky. i hope emergency requests are open because im in a huge need of one right now. if theyre not just ignore.

this has been the shittiest week of my entire life. nothing went right, felt extra su/cidal and anxiety wont leave me alone when im trying to sleep. feeling like the most worthless being ever. my birthday was this week but it got ruined. i lost my appetite and havent eaten for 3 days. i wont be able to celebrate christmas properly because i have alot of college work to do. i feel like im gonna break if anything else happens..

i wish i could get some comfort from kid and killer right now(separate or poly, doesnt matter).. sorry for my english, its not my first language.

thank you in advance<3

I am really sorry this took so long I have been very busy, struggling and sick still. I hope you managed to enjoy the holidays a little at least and I hope things aren't as horrid any more.

I hope these brings you some comfort <3

Killer x Kid x GN Reader [POLY] SFW Word Count: 582

Every time anyone came to the door you simply told them you were sick, something that they might catch and imagine how pissed Kid would be if he caught something. That was usually enough to get people to leave you alone. Kid and Killer knew when you needed a little space, claiming you were sick was always your way of hiding the crushing feelings that had become too much to deal with.

You always lied and said you were sick, too worried about what everyone else was going to say, showing weakness as a pirate was bad right? especially when you held yourself to such standards of being ‘scary’ and ‘intimidating’ like the rest of the crew.

Staring at the ceiling, counting each plank above your head, trying to push all the negative thoughts of your head, the things that bothered you until you couldn’t even manage to pull yourself out the bed, it had maybe been a few days since you’d considered selfcare as basic as a shower.

There was a knock at the door, you sighed and rolled over, back facing the door, you knew it was Killer checking in on you again, you didn’t want to worry him, he was too busy to fuss with the likes of you, least you’d told yourself this.

Another knock at the door, you said and did nothing. There was the sound of voices, muffled behind the wood, you recognised them both, it was Kid and Killer.. You were about to call over your shoulder that you were still feeling sick.

The door splintered in half under the weight of a well-placed kick. You let out a strangled confused sound. Looking over at the now kicked through door, Killer and Kid stepped through, Killer had a bowl of noodles in his hand and a glass of water.

Kid sat on side, the bed shifted sending you a little higher, Killer sitting the other side, balancing it out. You sighed and looked at the floor, you didn’t know how to explain to your partners you were under the weather.

“Eat and drink this” Killer instructed and handed you the glass first, you side eyed it but felt Kid’s intense gaze on you. Downing the water and taking the bowl from Killer, the red-haired man let out a hmp as you’d done as asked.

“You don’t need to tell us what’s wrong, we know your feeling like shit” Killer started, knowing he would have to be the diplomat in this situation.

“We just want you to eat and fucking fuck, shower, want me to hose you down on the deck?” Kid asked with a snort. Killer sending him a hidden look.

“I’ll help you shower” The blond said, his hand running through your locks.

“We ain’t here to baby you, or make you feel bad, just you ain’t shown your face in a few days” Kid muttered, shuffling closer to you slightly.

“What if I want to be left alone?” You asked, eating more of the noodles that had been brought you.

“Come have a shower, get some fresh air with us and if you still feel like shit after we’ll fix your door and just let you have more time” Killer said, his hand rubbing your back softly.

“Just try for us yeah?” Kid mumbled watching you nod your head, a small smile on your lips, the food in your belly was already helping but knowing these two carried about you, it was nice.

TAG LIST:

@slut4animedilfs @acesmarigold @undercoverweeeb @sanjithesimp @flameboyace @rae-vynn

#eustass kid x reader #eustass kid x you #eustass kid x y/n #eustass kid #eustasscaptainkid #massacre soldier killer x reader #massacre soldier killer #killer x reader x kid #pol/y #one piece reader insert #one piece x reader #one piece x you #sfw #gender neutral reader #kid x you #kid x reader #kid x yn #killer x you #killer x reader

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yengyangyo · 3 years

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berry | k.s.w

pairings: kim sunwoo x female reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers

summary: you are in denial that you have a crush on your own friend, kim sunwoo until he made you confess your feelings.

word count: 1.9k

note: i wrote this on sunwoo's birthday. its quite late to post it cs i kept on postponing it sksksk but yea this was inspired by sunwoo's berry. enjoy reading! xo

you had sunwoo on your mind for days that you are lacking of sleep. it doesnt sit quite right for you to have this 'romantic' feelings for your bestfriend. meanwhile, sunwoo is not helping you to clear up your mind at all. he's just always there beside you no matter what.

he'd wait at the bus stop just to go to class together with you in the morning even when you're running late. lunch time together is a must unless one of you had other plans. both of you are just stuck together anywhere you go.

so for once, you thought it'd be a good plan to avoid him today. you woke up early that morning to get to class and you texted sunwoo that you had a discussion with your groupmates. this went on for a few days, you were making excuses everyday but sunwoo believed you.

until he couldnt take it anymore.

you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you saw sunwoo on the caller id. you were hesitating to pick it up until you felt someone grabbing your wrist from the back, turning you around.

"found ya!"

sunwoo appeared in front of you with the brightest smile. you couldn't help but to feel happy and welcomed by him that you started smiling unknowingly. you get back to your senses seconds later and avoided his eyes.

sunwoo knew something was wrong when he saw your expression fell. he glanced at your phone that kept ringing. he ended the call and your phone went off too.

"why arent you answering my calls? are you still busy?"

you couldnt stand seeing sunwoo looking all gloomy and upset. you felt bad for ignoring him so you tried making up excuses again.

"oh yea i was about to pick it up. sorry,"

sunwoo pouted and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he's using his favourite perfume again today, you noticed. that scent happened to be your fav of him too. you felt weak and wanting to crawl into a hole or something.

"im craving chicken today. how about chicken and beer for dinner tonight?"

sunwoo turned his head at you, waiting for an answer. you looked up at him and his face was only inches away from you. you looked away, flustered. he had always been this way but only now you noticed how you felt about him which made it more awkward to be this close to him.

"i dont know, sunwoo. i'll have to check with my groupmates," you said, pretending to check your phone for your nonexistent messages.

"its friday come on. i havent hang out with you for days already," sunwoo whined and that made you laugh.

"alright but i get to choose where to eat,"

you chose the chicken restaurant near your neighbourhood where you both are regular customers there. the place was crowded with youngsters like the both of you, drunken with beer and chicken.

you were also getting tipsy from drinking. the first 30 minutes of the dinner went normal. asking how each other had been doing with the college life.

sunwoo sighed and rested his chin on his right palm. his eyes falters on you, searching for something. you looked away, feeling a bit burdened and transparent, because sunwoo knew you werent acting yourself these days.

"hey," he called you but you didnt answer and still avoiding the eye contact.

"hey look at me,"

you were startled at the warmth on both of your cheeks. sunwoo was cupping your cheeks to make you look at him straight in the eyes. you didnt know if this warmth was from his hand or from you blushing.

"what's wrong?" he asked. now his hand moved to yours, holding it tight. "you're avoiding me these days. do you think i didnt notice?"

silence fell between you two, just staring at each other. the guilt creeping up inside you and you didn't know where to start.

its the smallest gesture from him that create butterflies in your stomach.

that one time he opened the water bottle for you when he saw you struggling and saying that you're such a baby. his laughter filled the room when you frowned at the remark. you know how much he loves annoying you and in the end he always made you laugh too.

on rainy days, he'd always share the umbrella with you and keeping you close to him so you wouldnt get drenched. sometimes he'd gently rub your arm so you wouldn't get too cold.

sometimes he'd call you names like how boyfriend and girlfriend do, jokingly. though, you somewhat enjoyed it and played along. pretending to cringe but actually was flattered by him.

at this moment, your hand in his, eyes boring into each other, you just want to scream at him how much you love him.

you smiled in defeat and pulled back your hand.

"there were just so many thoughts going on my mind lately, sunwoo. im so sorry,"

he didn't question you any further and he nodded his head.

"whatever it is youre thinking, i just want you to know i'm always here for you,"

you smiled, this time sincerely at him.

"you always are sunwoo. i appreciate that,"

he smirked, "after all, i am the best that you got,"

you rolled your eyes and gave him your disgusted face.

"so are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"

"i think i like someone. he's just always running round in my mind these days,"

you didnt know where the courage came from to blurt out that out of your mouth. sunwoo who was halfway shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth, stopped. he put it down and looked at you, doubting himself if he heard that right.

"i couldnt stop thinking about him. that pretty much explains that i like him right? or is it just my mind playing games with me?"

you swore you saw his face fell for a second but he went back to the usual sunwoo after that.

"does he know about your feelings?"

you shrugged, "nah. im still trying to find out what i really feel about him. should i tell him?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and chugged down his beer until its empty.

"yea why not," he answered simply. "he must be really lucky to have you,"

you laughed, "i havent done anything yet. there's a possibility that he'd reject me too anyway,"

its funny how you talk about this like its some stranger to sunwoo when you are talking about him. you felt light hearted a bit after letting that out.

"who'd reject you?" sunwoo said while playing with that piece of chicken, not looking at you anymore. "you're pretty and fun,"

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if you heard that right. he was still poking the chicken with his fork, eyes hazy and lips pouting.

"so you're not gonna tell me who is this guy you have a crush on?"

"you'll find out soon,"

sunwoo offered to walk you home though you kindly told him he didn't have to. he insisted and now you are walking beside him. he was suddenly quiet after the conversation you had with him.

"is that why you're avoiding me? because you have a crush on this guy?"

he asked, hands in his pockets, eyes looking forward. you looked at him, feeling a bit weirded out by his cold tone.

"no... okay maybe? i dont know. i just needed some time to myself,"

sunwoo fell quiet again for the rest of the walk home. when you reached the front gate of your house, you looked back at sunwoo. he looked like he was upset. you walked up to him and pat his side.

"hey thanks for walking me home. i'll tell you everything when i'm ready okay?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and you turned around to get out of that awkward moment.

"no i'll tell you everything right now okay? hear me out,"

you stopped in your tracks and facing him in confusion. he was pacing around, his hands are restless in his pockets.

"before you confess to him i guess i have to make a move on you first," sunwoo said, this time he raised his voice. "this is why people are saying we should always tell what we feel before we regret it and i dont want to regret it but i think im too late,"

you are worried at him. he looked like he was about to break down right in front of you. you wanted to comfort him but you didnt get what he's trying to say.

"sunwoo, i dont understand. what is it?"

sunwoo stopped pacing around and stopped directly in front of you. you swore you saw his eyes tearing up and you wanted to cry too. you thought, the alcohol has made both of you emotional.

"i like you,"

you both felt like the world is weighing down. it was as if the time has stopped for you two. you were staring at each other in disbelief.

"i know you like someone else and i shouldve told you sooner. i kept on putting back my feelings behind," sunwoo halted, gasping for air. "im too late now but i have to tell you this,"

"sunwoo-"

"i dont care who he is. but i want you to know that you deserve of love. you kept on telling yourself you dont deserve anyone. you know how badly i want to tell you that im here? i want to love you," sunwoo was practically shouting at this point. he sighed, "shit im already am in love with you,"

at those words, your tears came streaming down like crazy. you've never seen him cry but tonight he looked beautiful even when he's crying. you lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm tears on your skin.

"im sorry. i just wanted to let that out after keeping it for so long. this is the worst timing huh?" he murmured under his breath.

you shook your head and laughed. you let go of the hug first and cupped his face in your hands. teary eyes staring at each other.

"sunwoo its you,"

"what?"

"i love you too,"

you closed the distance between the two of you, kissing him for the first time. that caught him off guard but then smiled in the kiss. it was sloppy but sunwoo is for sure leading you well at this. you both craved for this for a long time already. you were still crying of relief and touched by his confession.

"you should've told me before i start crying like an idiot," sunwoo looked down at you, smiling with his swollen eyes.

you laughed at him and you snuggled more into his embrace not wanting to let go too soon. you realized how much you miss him after those dreading days of ignoring him. he rested his chin on your head while gently patting you.

"im sorry ive been ignoring and denying my feelings for you,"

"its okay. thank god we actually like each other though," you both laughed at the same time and you havent felt this happy and giddy before.

"so i can actually call you my baby now?" sunwoo asked smirking at you playfully, knowing how much you hated it before.

"that's still cringy but sure, babe,"

#kim sunwoo #the boyz #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz fics #sunwoo fluff #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo imagines #kpop fanfic #tbz fanfic #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #sunwoo oneshots #tbz oneshots

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sningo-prompts · 2 years

Note

"Emmet having to pretend Ingo is just his pokemon while they're in the pokecenter drives him up the wall"

Ok but at least he's there for food poisoning, if he ever gets stuck there for a few days for non-food related reasons it'd be worse. If they think he's a pokemon, they'd probably give him standard pokemon food. As in kibble. From a bowl on the floor.

Oh lord ok ok calm down we got this its fine im fine. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO THE MAN????? ok ok im not fine im not.

But lord help him. Ok ok breathe. I can do this. “Prompts user has a mental breakdown at the idea of mentally scaring a man”

So i dont care why Ingo is at the center so im not doing set up today. But he has to stay there over night. Emmet is not ok. They wont let him stay too. Rude. So since Ingo is tectonically a wild pokemon he has to stay out the whole time. Have yall ever been to a vet??? Have you seen the small small small “kennels” they keep them in??? Ingo spending the night in one of those. Ok if you havent seen one imagine what they keep the cats in at pet stores. They are very small. Ingo doesnt do well in cages. But hes ok he knows where he his. Its what happens next that makes his stomach drop. The nurse comes by to feed everyone. She opens the door, pours a scoop of dry pokemon food in his bowl. She gives him a pet on the head “time to eat up little guy” he hates it. She closes the door and move on. Great im writing set up. Which i said i WOULD DO DAMN IT. Im ditching this. New set up move over

~~~~ moving over for new set up~~~~

Emmet and Ingo had been at the center all night. It was morning and Emmet left to see if he could find them something to eat. They hadnt eaten since the day befors breakfast. While hes gona a nurse comes in and hears Ingos stomach growl. She giggles at him. And leaves only to come back with two silver bowls. She places them on the floor. Pours a water bottle in one and pokemon food in the other. Ingo just looks at her confused. “Oh srent your adorable” she walks up to him pets his head then picks him up under the arms. His stomach growls agAin. She giggles at him again. “Lets get you something to eat shall we.” And moves to the side of the room. She sets Ingo down on the floor infront of the bowls. Then it clicks for him. She wants him to eat. Oh. Hes shaking. More like trembling. She leaves him (ok yall might think thats lazy of her but i had a dog sho would not eat with A stranger in the room)

He just sits there. Lost. His mind derailed. ‘I am Ingo i am human. I am Ingo i am humAN’ uh oh. What if he never gets his old body back. What hes stuck like this for the rest of his day. Oh boy What if Emmet gives up on him. This is his life now. Hes not even a person anymore. He cant do this. But then again he cant do anything. Hes a pokemon. No thats not right he is Ingo and he is Human. He stands there. Looking at the bowls. And what they mean. He doesnt know when the tears started falling. He doesnt think about that. His mind is lost on a track that just circles back around and around. He is Ingo and he is human.

Like five minutes later Emmet walks in loudly. Mild panic at not seeing Ingo right away. Frantically looks around. Sees his brother with his back to him looking st something on the floor. “Ingo?” Oh Ingo snaps back to reality(woop there goes gravity) slowly turning his head to face his brother. He has to look so high to meet Emmets gaze. That isnt helping. Emmet is just shocked at his brothers face. Then he sees why. Two silver bowls sit on the floor at his brothers feet. Emmet angry. “I am Emmet. You are Ingo My brother!” Ingo just looks down. Emmet walks up to him, kneels down to be face to face with Ingo. He places his hands on Ingos shoulders. “You are my brother. You are not some pet Ingo. You are human!” Ah Emmet said it. Exactly what Ingo needed to hear. A rush of a hug. Emmet just holds him. He knows his brother is struggling with this. Ingo faces his humanity everyday. If Emmet has to keep reminding Ingo hes still human than so be it. At least he feels like Ingo believes him.

Ok ok i kinda lost it. I know crap job. But like as i was going i forgot the angst. And why eating off. The floor from a bowl would kill the man. But i tried to round it back i just couldnt get it right. The idea of this kills me though. Poor fucking Ingo. The humiliation of it all. Maybe the shame? Idk but our lilman is having his midlife crisis. Idk the actual word for it.

#sneasel ingo #transfer error au #sneasel ingo au #liz answers #poorly i might ad

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daddynegandesires · 3 years

Text

Secrets chapter 3

Summary: ellies birthday and mothers day is coming up as emotions and pent up anger are spiraling between you, negan, and jack while more and more secrets begin to unfold.

18+

Warming: nsfw, fluff, kink, depression, abuse

Sorry for the late update on this chapter its kind of a short one ive just have been going through some personal things and havent found the motivation to finish this one yet.❤ i hope you all like it!❤

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You and negan haven't spoke in a few days ellies birthday is today and you have been busy decorating. Negan is suppose to be picking up the cake at the store. jack has returned back from his "business trip" withq an odd hickey on his neck that keeps gawking at you everytime you speak to him. You want to avoid conflict because you arent so innocent yourself after what happen with negan last time you saw him but thats just not who you are....you have to confront him but you also dont want to ruin ellies day infront of everyone.

"Hey jack, do you mind helping me with this streamer" you called out to him from the ladder

"Sure hun" he took the streamer from your hand taping it up to the wall

"Thank you.....uh negan should be here soon with her cake" you said folding up the step ladder

"I could of went and grabbed it" he scoffs

"I uh..well sorry i didnt know it was a big deal" you try to laugh it off politely

"Dont even worry about it...." He walks past you ramming his ahoulder into you heading outside

Negan had arrive with the cake and so did a few of ellies friends and your mother. You and your mothers relationship really has never been that great but you try to make peace with it for ellies sake. Negan came in with a huge gift box all wrapped in pink with a bow.

" i thought we agreed nothing crazy" you whispered to him

"Whaat...can i not spoil my girl" negan grins at you

Ellie runs out of her room her eyes light up at the size of the gift her dad got her.

"Mommy look at this...its humongo!" She says messing with the bow

"I see honey..dont mess with it yet" you giggle

"Where is your boy toy.." His tongue slides across his bottom lip

You kept silent while negan stared you down waiting for a response but nothing came out his eyes were burning a hole through you he always knew when shit was up.

"Ah i see....the silent treatment" folding his arms

Negan walks off to go play with ellie and say hello to a few people when your mother walks up to you.

"Hey mom..." You say emotionless

"What is negan doing here.." She asks

"Mom...please dont. Thats ellies dad. I told you we are trying to work on things for ellies sake" you say annoyed.

"Well...once a cheater always a cheater. Im just saying" as she sips on her cup of wine walking away

A few hours have passed and ellie got to blow out her candles and eat cake. Jack still hasnt said much to you throughout the whole party and its more than obvious that negan is starting to catch on im just hoping he doesn't notice the hicky on his neck. Ellie has been bugging you about negans gift so you were going to let her open it.

"Ellie open it up over here sweetie so everyone can see" you say smiling

Ellie quikly rips the hot pink rapping paper off and squeals in excitement as she realizes its a electric scooter that she has been wanting. Negan was standing by your side with his hand sneakily rested on your lower back with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh my god you got me that scooter!!" Ellie begins jumping up and down

"Negan....those cost alot" you whispered in his ear

"dont worry about it....i got it taken car of" he says sternly

"Lets take it outside!!" Negans runs over and picks it up in excitment with all of the kids following him outside to ride on the scooter. You were throwing away dirty plates when jack came up to you

"So you want to explain why you and negan have been so close" he quietly says to you

You instantly start to burn with rage as he asks you that knowing he has been keeping things from you too and the fact his assistant melissa has been speaking to him inappropriately. You were holing the knife in your hand for cutting the cake reminding you of the incident that happened between you and negan once you found out he was cheating. you froze and gripped tightly on the knife thinking of how to approach this.

"You're a fucking whore..." He spat at you

"Jack.....get the fuck away from me" you quietly say

"Yeah i bet thats what you want.....so he can fuck you" he says through gritted teeth

"Its. Ellies. Birthday.....fucking knock it off we can settle this later" you slowly set the knife down unclenching your fist

Jack stands there glaring at you with his jaw clecnhed before giving up and walking away. You let out a sigh of relief and pour yourself a glass of wine. You take a sip closing your eyes feeling like everything is going in slomotion in that moment when you here yelling outside and notice its negan and jack. You drop your glass spilling your wine everywhere running outside.

"Back the fuck off man!" Jack yells with his fist balled up

"Ohh...you really want to go there dude..." Negan laughs

"You are fucking (y/n) and i know it!" Jack lunges towards him throwing a punch hitting negan in the face making him stumble

Negan catches his balace reaching up to his face touching where jack punched him in the mouth realizing he is bleeding negan licks the blood off his lips and lets out a sinister almost scary deep chuckle.

"Oh...you fucked up." Negan lunges towards jack football tackling him to the ground he starts punching jack over and over again blood all over his fists

"Negan!!!...no! Stop!" You rush over trying to pry negan off of jack

"Negan stop for ellie please!" You begin to cry struggling to finally get him off causing you to fall backwards with negan on you

"You are a dead fucking man!....now get the fuck off my property..." Negan threats

You push negan off to go check on jack you try to get jack to respond to you and see if he is okay but he just spits in your face shoving you away causing you to fall before you know it negan charges back over and starts beating the shit out of him all you can do is scream at them and cry. Through tear filled eyes you notice the cops rushing up the street pulling into the drive way the last thing you remember is the cops pulling negan off and everything went black.

---------------------------------------------

Jack and negan were both arrested but were soon let go apparently i had fainted due to stress and dehydration they kept me in the hospital until i was better. You kicked jack out of the house and you haven't spoke to negan since ellies birthday. Things have been rough being alone for ahwile and ellie was getting upset about not seeing her dad.

Text from negan:

Hey....im coming by

You looked at your phone to see a text from negan but you just ignored it and continued to cook some food for ellie. There was a knock at the door you sighed annoyingly before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door to negans innocent brown eyes staring back at you. before you could give him a chance to speak you shut the door in his face but he quickly caught it in time with his foot in the doorway before it closed.

"Negan...ellie should be home. She is still upset" you sigh

"Thats okay i want to make it up to you two" he says pushing the door open coming inside

You just stand there silent with your arms crossed untill you hear ellies bus coming down the road and before you know it she busts through the door yelling.

"Mommmyyyy! Happy mothers dayzz!" Ellies runs up to you handing you a picture she made at school

"Awe...thank you sweet heart its gorgeous" you took the pink paper from her smiling and when to hang it on the fridge

"Look i want to take you two out to dinner...its mothers day and you deserve it..look i know i fucked up but that asshole had it coming" negan says

"Negan dont.....go ask Ellie she is the real one you need to be apologizing to not me" you stare at the ground avoiding eye contact.

"Ohh ellie daddy wants to talk to you!" He walks off to her room

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You, negan, and ellie were all out at dinner at your favorite steakhouse enjoying your meal when the waiter brought a bottle of wine

"Negan....i cant afford that" you quietly say

"Ah ah....you deserve it i mean you are the best mom ever" he winks at you popping the lid off pouring wine into your glass

"Thanks..." You shyly say before taking a sip

"So.....the school fired me" negan cleared his throat

You choked on your drink hearing the words that had just came out of negans mouth

"What?..how come" you say wipping wine off your chin

"Well....they dont want me as a coach anymore since what happened at ellies birthday. They say its wildly inappropriate and against policy to still have me there" he bites in his steak

"What are you going to do..." You ask worried

"Ohhh no biggie i always have things taken care of" he smiles at you

"If you need anything im here..." You look up at him

" i know....thank you" he reaches across the table holding your hand

The three of you finish up dinner afterwards you all go for a late walk through the park. It felt nice to get out and have some fresh air after what happended at the party. Your phone kept buzzing off the hook of texts from jack you kept trying to hide it from negan to not let him worry. You felt bad hiding it from negan but you knew it would start a fight but you also didnt want to let jack go without some talking. Negan took you and ellie back home ellie ran inside and got ready for bed.

"I know he is talking to you..." Negan says sternly while placing one hand against the wall beside your head

"Negan....can we not talk about this right now" you say turning your head away from him

"No!...you will look at me when im speaking to you" negan grabs ahold of your chin forcing you to look at him

"Yes....yes im still talking to him.." You say embarassed

"Why....he is such a load of whoreshit....im standing right infront of you (y/n)...im here now! Take me back please. Im an honest man now!" Negan growls

" get...off of me!" You scream and shove him away from you and begin to walk angrily down the road

"(Y/n) get back here now!...where the fuck do you think you are going!" Negan trys to catch up with you when it suddenly starts raining

"Negan stop trying so hard!...this is going nowhere!" You say crying

"Why do you keep saying that!...i want this to work!" Negan finally catches up to you grabbing you by the arm spinning you around

"......well i dont..." You choked on those words as they slipped out of your mouth it felt like your heart had just stopped for a split second it killed you to say that to negan but it had to be done

"You....dont want this." He said quietly and upset with rain drops running down his perfect face

"Negan....i.... I cant. You have to let me go" you say caressing his face" you said giving him a half smile with a single tear rolling down your cheek

"W....what about ellie.....thats my babygirl" Negan begans to tear up pulling you into a hug

"You can still be in ellies life.....i start therapy next tuesday" you say ending the hug

"You can talk to me (y/n)" negan sniffles

"There are just things that just feel easier letting out to a stranger sometimes..."

"I love you....." Negan says bresthlessly

"....i love you too but from a distance.....i have boundaries set now negan"

You and negan began to walk back to the house getting inside you hand him a towel to dry himself off. Negan follows you to the bedroom.

"There are still some of your clothes in the closet...." You say facing away from him

"You still have some of my old clothes here...." Negan opens the door seeing his shirts still hanging in the same spot before he moved out

"I didnt know if you still wanted them or not..." You say nervously

"Its okay. Thank you" negan takes off his soaking wet shirt switching it out with an old faded band shirt

"You can sleep on the couch if you would like..." You offer him

"You sure you are going to be okay with that?" He raises an eyebrow at you

"Yeah....plus its been lonely here just me and ellie" you chuckle handing him a blanket

Negan takes the blanket from you before turing around to open the bedroom door to leave. As soon as the door shut you quietly sobbed making sure it wasnt loud enough for negan to hear. You wiped your tears away before getting yourself ready for bed. You tossed and turned for most of the night your head filled with unnecessary thoughts and cenarios. You just wanted all of this pain to go away you dont know what you are doing with yourself anymore the only thing that keeps you holding on is ellie and negan.

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#negan imagine #negan x reader #negan x you #negan fanfic #negan #jeffrey dean morgan

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mojwisungie · 4 years

Text

hc | boyfriend ♡

req (from: unheoly) ➥ : Hi ate Louise! Can I please get general boyfriend hc for Mark and Jaemin? 🥺 Thank you <33 have a great day/night ✨

☄︎ summary: as athena requested,, just some general boyfriend hcs ♥ ☄︎ with: mark lee, na jaemin ☄︎ lou.note: THIS . is so self indulgent and messy bc i have so many thoughts on bf mark and jaemin hahaha enjoy reading!! <3

ੈ⋆ renjun & jisung ver.

Mark

the fully capable, always reliable boyfriend

he’s always there when you need him!!

and sometimes you dont even need to tell him- its his spidey senses

struggling with an essay? mark will talk you through your thoughts so you can write

havent eaten breakfast or lunch ? expect for food to be delivered at your door step

need cuddles? he will burst through your room unexpectedly

if you dont drink enough water, be ready for a text from him saying “drink water rn i know you havent and its already noon 🤨”

he just knows what need, okay? questions dont need to be asked !!

mark likes to send you random pics throughout the day too

he could be at an album shoot but will still send you a pic of a flower prop with “look its so pretty! just like you :)”

i think he can cook... keyword: think

so if he has this dish that he’s already mastered he’ll make it for you

he’ll still be up for takeouts though

BUT if its you who knows how to cook,, well youve got yourself a loyal customer

he’ll probably use his charms puppy eyes when he wants you to cook a certain food for him

regarding arguments, he can be a little bit distanced at first

since he knows he could say something or raise his voice even tho he doesnt mean it (like have you heard him scream at the dreamies ksadjas)

sp he’ll take some time to cool off but he will talk with you as soon as you two could

and with that, fights are never a problem honestly

moving on to: dates

he’s really a pro at it by now

opening all doors for you, carrying your bag for you, holding the chair out so you can sit, etc.

i can see him liking to go out on karaoke nights with you,, but he really loves spending quiet days with you

one memorable date you two had was when you spent the whole weekend together

he never felt so much peace and comfort before in his life ( ˘⌣˘)

mark usually plays the guitar for you on facetime

when you spend nights together he will still do so

he’s never said it, but one of his favorite things is to see you fall asleep beside him while he’s singing to you :’)

being with him is such an experience but you wouldnt have it any other way

mark is your adventure and your home

Jaemin

the all-in-one, ever-loving boyfriend

you love him, your family loves him, your grandparents love him, your friends love him,,,, everybody just loves him

he’s an introvert but he does all he can to make a good impression on the people who are important to you

its bc he’s big on the family and friends acceptance thing too

and its also because he’s never been so sure about spending the rest of his life with you haha but you dont need to know about this .. yet

jaemin is the embodiment of the word ‘everything’

the reason is he’s not just a boyfriend

he’s your best-friend, teacher, chef, bodyguard, and so. much. more

honestly think of something you’d like in a guy right now

you know who has it in him? its na jaemin.

he really cares for you and wants you to have only the best

you always say, “i already have you, jaemin so i already do have the best”

he will malfunction on the spot, no cap

but anyways,, he’ll do anything you ask him to

need some help with cleaning? alright he’ll be there in a few

want some bobba at 2 am? unlock your door he’s already bought your favorite

his phone is filled with your face

he’d have thousands of things in his gallery,, but more than half of those are just your pics and videos

his homescreen is a goofy picture of you two when you guys went to lotte world

but his lockscreen would only be you,, he took it when you were sleeping on his shoulder on the way home

HE’S JUST SO SOFT AND LOVING ♥(╯︵╰,)♥

besides physical affection, he’s the number one on words of affirmation as well

jaemin says all the words you need to hear in every situation you’re in

and arguments usually doesnt happen bc of that

he’s very open and will encourage you to be so too, bc he never wants to waste a moment in this lifetime not talking to you or being mad at each other

/drumroll/ now we’re on dates!

he’s not a big fan of going outside (i can feel it in my guts)

but as i said,, he’ll do anything for you so a picnic near the han river or biking around a park will still be nice for him

i think cafe dates would be a thing with you two

and jaemin ... gosh hold on

he’s so sweet !! and so he’ll be the type to let you taste his food and if you like his better, he wont mind letting you have it

and ~fancy~ date nights, he’d be the type to cut your food (like those big steaks) so you could eat first

nights with him are out of this world (not that ya nasties)

what im talking about is how he prepared for these sleepovers

he’s sheets would be fresh from laundry

and his room would smell like heaven bc he would have your favorite scent sprayed before you come over

and !!! youre wearing matching pajamas <33

during these nights, you’d often have deep conversations

he loves it the most bc he gets to hear your most honest opinions

and your voice is the last thing he’ll hear before drifting off 😌

nothing can compare to having him in your life

because even if its one hell of a ride,

jaemin is gonna be there beside you though it all

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thisisthinprivilege · 4 years

Text

[tw medical abuse, mention of child abuse, fatshaming]? i have a huge fear of doctors now after being repeadly mistreated as a child and teen by them.

one of the last times i remember going was to grab a letter that allowed me to apply for therapy at 17, i asked my doctor specialized on working with children and teens, if i may have a bandage for a blister. it was 42C outside, i ran to make it to my appointment on time and i was wearing brand new leather sandals. he said with a smile that he wants to check it out first, confused i agreed and let him inspect it. "this wouldn't have happened if you lost weight. just as i thought this i caused by your obesity. you need to stop eating so much junkfood and work out." my mom kept me on strict diets and refused to give me food since i can remember and i had 5 hours of dance class a week, pe and i went swimming laps every weekend he refused to listen as usual.

at 16 i had an accident in PE, my teacher forced me to go beyond what i was able to do due to hypermobility even after i tried to explain it over and over again she simply blamed my weak joints on my weight, my wrists gave out and i fell on spine, i couldnt see i couldnt hear i couldnt breathe everything hurt so bad. i refused to be sent to the hospital because i was afraid it would be blamed on my weight. the pain didnt go away i couldnt lift my arms i couldnt lay down and after struggling for a week i bit the bullet and went to a doctor. he refused to treat me. he barely touched my back and only after i begged him repeatedly, obviously disgusted by me. then concluded again that im fat and need to diet. i pressed on and on until he finally agreed to have me x rayed. i had a nasty contusion and the intervertebral disc's were badly inflammed. even after seeing those results and diagnosing me, he refused to treat me. telling me itll go away on its own and i should diet. after more arguing and begging he prescribed me pain meds and was 'generous' enough to excuse me from PE, but refused anything else. i now have horrible chronic back pain. i havent been to a orthopedist since. my pe teacher failed me that year for being too lazy.

years later, when i was forced to have a check up for my social welfare the doctor ignored me when i mentioned my chronic back pain. i told him it hurts to put any outside pressure on it. he made me lay down and pressed with all his weight where i told him my injury was. he blamed the pain that was so bad i started crying on my weight.

how am i supposed to trust doctors? these are just a few examples. last autumn i slipped and sprained my toe so bad i was sure it was broken. i couldnt walk, couldnt move it, it was so dark blue it looked black. i refused to see a doctor, yes my toe still hurts and i cant stand on my tip toes anymore but this beats having to see a doctor and it made me realize there is absolutely nothing i would seek a doctor out for*. well other than my endo i see irregularily because having to exist in public is just traumatizing for me at this point. she is fat herself and she never tells me to diet or blamed my pcos/hashimoto on my weight but her substitutes always did, reminding me that she is a rare exception. they questioned the diagnosis she gave me, the prescriptions and ive heard the receptionist talk shit about her...

*(before someone flames me about corona and not wanting to see a doctor, i'm privileged enough to be able to stay home and have been quarantining alone since march 2020.)

#health #doctors #healthcare #fat discrimination #trigger warning #abuse #parents #family #school #submission

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cunaeparker · 4 years

Text

the gingerbread pancake scandal | p. parker

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader

genre: best friends | fluff | angst if you blink

word count: 4k

note: its been awhile, hey ? things have been ... weird in my life, to say the least. ( mental health, suicide and self-destructive tendencies tw ) shit has been crazy. ive struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life but it all has come to a striking, terrifying, and awful peak over the past few months . i almost had to be admitted to the psychiatric ward a month ago for threatening suicide and naturally i refused (there is nothing wrong with that ofc !! im just naturally a very stubborn person lol) bc i was scared . i am currently struggling with an eating disorder as well and my life has gone to shit. but the one thing i havent done for months is writing. it used to bring me joy, and so i thought i’d give it a try - and here we go - a shitty christmas oneshot. tbh im still not in the best state of mind but im trying to get through it and recover. i wish all my followers the best, & best of all, happy holidays and enjoy !!!! <33i missed you all so much and your lovely feedback :)

— y/n is stressed out, the avengers are kind of being assholes, and peter is scared of food poisoning

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Spending weekends training at the Avengers facility in upstate New York wasn't an uncommon thing.

Having been brought in by Tony Stark during the Avenger's infamous breakup, Y/N Y/L/N was accustomed to it and usually didn't mind the complexity and difficulty of their routines. Coordinator Natalia Romanova - or more notoriously, Black Widow - held well-structured and helpful sessions.

Given, it gave Y/N quite a scare when she came home from school one day freshman year and found the Tony Stark himself conversing (quite flirtily) with her single mother over a glass of wine, not-very-subtly looking up and down her tightly fitting cocktail dress; but in retrospect, she kind of respected it?

Y/N was confused as to why he was there at the time as her backpack slowly slipped from her grip, but there, knees pulled up to his chest on the side of the couch and body swallowed up by a threadbare blue crewneck, was an awkward looking boy.

He was her age.

He looked like he had just been unwillingly dragged to her flat, and he looked scared - his body language definitely proved that - but his eyes... they were unreadable. They gleamed with something like excitement and fear and incredulity as if where he was wasn't where he was supposed to be.

"Think he's cute?" a voice spoke smoothy, breaking Y/N's train of thought.

Y/N paused and frowned, not expecting the billionaire to speak to her.

"No," she said boldly, jutting out a hip as Tony raised a brow. "He's really not my type," she simpered, earning a scoff from the boy and a surprised guffaw from Tony.

"Damn kid," Tony said, as an incredulous smirk quirked up the corner of his lips. "You're quite the blunt one. I respect it." He lifted his glass and winked. "Did you know that you qualify for the September Foundation?" he quickly changed the subject, "I brought Peter here to tell you all about it."

The boy - Peter - shot him a glare but remained silent, almost defiant.

Y/N smirked.

She could tell how he was feeling because she had had that very same look on her face when arguing with her teachers - a small squint of the eyes and an accosted cross of arms over the chest. Easy to analyze.

"So, Y/N," Tony said, making her head whip around once again, "I've caught wind of your exceptional performance in school, and just came to notify you and your lovely mother," he shot Ms. Y/L/N a gratifying look, to which she giggled girlishly and made Y/N suppress a gag, "that you are eligible for the fund."

Y/N raised an eyebrow and looked from Peter to the billionaire. "I don't remember applying."

"Yeah, well - you don't. Think of your grades as an application," Tony said. "It's only for the really smart ones," he added in a whisper, winking once again.

Y/N frowned a little, finding his behaviour odd - if not suspicious.

She stood up a little straighter and a muscle jumped in her jaw. Tony noticed her reluctance, and knew she was observant and analytical - with proper training and preparation he knew that she had the potential to be a real asset to the team.

With a shrug, he pulled himself up from their couch with a small huff (ignoring how Y/N's mum seemed to deflate) and placed his wine glass on their coffee table.

"Not going to reply? That's okay," Tony teased, placing his sunglasses on his head and revealing a pair of stern whisky eyes, "Peter here had a little struggle as well. He couldn't quite grasp that fact that he actually got the internship."

Peter shot him a withering look. "I could, actually."

Tony ignored him. "Now it seems that you have the chance to intern at Stark Industries - if you want to."

Y/N's mum gasped and clapped her hands together happily.

Like Tony, Y/N ignored her. She clenched her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest.

"OK, what's happening now?" she asked skeptically.

The whole situation seemed weird to her, and the receptors in her brain were going off like crazy.

"Nothing bad, nothing bad," said Tony casually, waving his hand dismissively in the air. He looked over at her mother with a wide smile. "Gracie, do you mind telling me where your lovely daughters' bedroom is? Peter and I have to... discuss something with her."

"Oh, yes, Tony, it's the first room on your left," said Gracie, teeth open wide in a primal smile. Her voice was unusually velvety, and Y/N could see her desperate mother's intentions as clear as day. Again, she suppressed the urge to vomit.

"Thank you," replied Tony. "Shall we?"

He gestured to the hallway near the kitchen, the one her mother just pointed to, raising an expectant eyebrow.

"Er - yeah. Sure," said Y/N hesitantly.

She threw her backpack on the coat hanger near the front door and turned. She began walking towards her bedroom, though not taking notice of how Tony pursed his lips threateningly when Peter glared at him. Suddenly feeling fearful, Peter got up from his seat on the couch slowly, almost grudgingly, to slink off after Tony and Y/N.

Turns out, Tony hadn't found Y/N through YouTube videos like he had Peter. He instead found her through longtime girlfriend Pepper Potts herself. Tony reminded Y/N gratefully of the time she had manipulated potential attackers out of harming Pepper when she was walking alone downtown, because when Pepper noticed a group of scraggly-looking men lurking around a corner, eyes malicious and body crouched as if they were waiting for something, she knew something was off when they miraculously turned around, just like that, dream-like and slow, to the beat-up car they had crawled out of.

Through extensive research and questioning, the identity of her saviour lead back to one person - Y/N.

"You're telekinetic?" Peter had asked, leaning forward in awe, "you can control people? And things?"

Y/N smirked. "And read their minds, yeah."

Peter paled and backed away, grimacing slightly.

Y/N wanted to reassure him and tell him that she only did it willingly and couldn't pinpoint his exact thoughts in that moment, but, she liked how he got flustered. She suppressed a snort and decided to tell him later.

'Later' did come, eventually, because after that encounter, the rest was history.

She fought alongside Tony and Peter with an alias.

Their friendship blossomed and strengthened throughout their teenage years and stayed strong into early adulthood.

Though over the span of six years, a big difference in maturity occured between the two recruits. Y/N and Peter were both fifteen in their initial meeting, but now, they found themselves at the ripe age of twenty-one. Legal and college-age. Attending the same university and closer than ever.

Unfortunately, Peter had set up a reputation of being quite tramp-ish, though Y/N knew it was inevitable - Peter seemed to grow more attractive with every passing day. His nerdy composure and hell of a deceiving body was something she knew college girls would eat up. And admittedly, she did too.

When they were training and he fisted his t-shirt and pulled it up to wipe at the sweat dripping down his face as his chest heaved, breaths laboured and unknowingly showing the toned skin underneath that was glowing with perspiration, Y/N's knees nearly gave out.

Pathetic, yes, but she couldn't help it. Peter Parker grew to be one hell of a looker and she knew that as well as the next person.

There had been instances when Peter had to physically restrain her from going after some girl when they went out clubbing because when they all began to crowd him and giggle filthily and run their manicured fingers up and down his shoulders Y/N could tell that he was uncomfortable and it made her enraged.

He had to whisper words of reassurance into her ear so she wouldn't pull a Natasha and wrap her legs around their skinny necks and pull them to the ground.

Given, it was a little amusing seeing the way Y/N's nostrils would flare, but Peter would rather not deal with a lawsuit and speculation of an undocumented enhanced.

But however, when they were training, all of those pent-up emotions and unknown feelings would cease and it would be normal again; just Y/N and Peter sparring in the ring.

She found that prepping for real-life situations with the people who had experienced them quite amazing. She felt so lucky to have that opportunity because she knew of some people that would kill to be trained by the most talented Avenger in close-combat herself.

But, since Y/N was a full-time college student, tackling a double major in both physics and business (and around Christmas time, for fuck's sake), the free time she could spend to freely doing something she enjoyed like training or partying had been whittled down to a mere two days on weekends.

Her boss, Nathan Prescoe, was ruthless when it came to missing shifts serving at the college bar near her flat. It resulted in her having to take the night shifts and get brutally harassed by plastered college students due to the promiscuous dress code the bar held --- and especially around the holidays, that's when it was at its peak.

Usually, on any other regular day the female employees were required to wear a low-cut, tight fitting black dress with the most absurd hem that stopped literally right below their asses, but during Christmas, goddamn Christmas, they had to wear a deep red dress nearly more scandalous than their usual attire paired with an awful white fuzzy pom-pom jingly hat.

It was embarrassing, to say the least.

But, as much as it sucked, Nathan's behaviour didn't phase her because she had a pretty certain hunch that his sadistic tendencies were currently being medicated and though it was awful it made those training weekends at the compound so much better.

An escape.

Though, now, in this particular instance, it was not.

Apparently, the team had planned for a mission, and no one had yet to inform her. Or, they just didn't want her to come.

It was probably the latter.

"I planned ahead to come for the weekend," Y/N said angrily, following the team as her nostrils flared, "I cancelled classes and hours of work to get here! I cancelled the damn gift exchange I planned with my roomates! Why are you all leaving?"

"The mission," Natasha mumbled, eyes darting around the hangar before picking up a leather jacket and throwing it over her shoulder. "We got a tip that HYDRA's up and running again."

Y/N ignored how her pulse quickened at the small admittance but she persisted in their wake, eyebrows furrowing.

"And why did no one tell me this?" she threw her hands in the air, "As an Avenger I think I deserve to know!"

Nat groaned and rubbed her face in her palms as Y/N huffed, turning to offer an annoyed smile.

"You didn't ask," she shrugged, "And by the way, you aren't an Avenger."

"C'mon, Nat," said Y/N blearily. "I didn't know. And besides, you could've told me before you insulted me and made me cancel my 11 hour shift."

"That's not my problem," she said, shooting her a look before strapping a gun into a holster on her hip, "It's you responsibility to know what you're up against."

Y/N went quiet.

Natasha did have a point, as much as Y/N hated to admit it. She probably should've looked at her schedule.

But Y/N shook her head, furrowing her eyebrows and trying to forget that small obstacle.

"Nat, let me come," she begged. Her eyes focused intently on Nat's fiery red braid and she stretched her fingers, "I've been training really hard lately, and I think I should be given a chance just to prove myself. I know I'm being irrational, but ever since Titan you've been so strict - and since it's the holidays maybe you can be a little lenient - "

"Y/N! Are you twenty-one or eleven?" Nat snapped, turning to face Y/N, "Leave it be. Peter's here this weekend anyways, you won't be alone."

Y/N scoffed.

"Yeah, but -"

"I said leave it." Nat's gaze was stern and a muscle jumped in her jaw. "I've had enough. We're leaving, and if I hear one more complaint out of you, I will make you run around this compound eighty times."

Y/N shut her mouth though irritation was still bubbling through her veins. She knew Nat was never one to bluff, and she would be surprised if she had to do anything less than run laps eighty times (because it had occurred more than once).

Glaring at her, Y/N stopped her jogging and jut out a hip.

"Okay. I'll stop. But, I think that I deserve a chance based on everything I've seen."

"Which consists of Thanos dusting you," Nat deadpanned. "That's not a lot considering you missed most of the action."

Y/N scowled.

"At least it's something!"

"Okay. Good for you. We're going."

Nat offered her a tight closed-mouth smile and turned quickly, jogging to the quinjet and holding up a hand so the team wouldn't leave without her. She stepped into the aircraft and looked thoroughly irritated, shooting Tony a 'don't talk to me' look before ignoring Y/N's indignant cries and slamming the hatch closed.

"Nat! Nat!"

She heard a brief cry of 'Enough!' come from inside of the quinjet and within seconds she was stumbling on her feet from the sudden burst of air. Groaning angrily and suppressing a childish stomp of her foot, she narrowed her eyes at the jet which was now flying off into the distance.

"Fuck," she muttered, walking back into the facility with a slow grudging gait, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

In all honesty, she didn't mind the break, because she'd working relentlessly for the past few weeks, but at the fact that they just straight up left her, it made her angry. She cancelled her shift, fun with her roommates, study time --- and though her job did suck, she needed the extra cash. The least they could do was understand her situation and offer to do something remotely from the compound.

Y/N slammed the door to the hangar and found herself walking angrily to the kitchen.

Muttering under her breath as a scowl painted her face, she found herself loudly pulling out pans and whisks and flour, all her necessary coping tools - Y/N didn't necessarily like cooking, which was ironic considering her stress reliever was literally baking and though the food was never really good it helped to take her mind off things.

"Don't tell me you're baking again, I can't handle another round of food poisoning," a scratchy voice echoed from around the corner, and it didn't take a genius to know that it was Peter.

He walked into the kitchen wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a dri-fit t-shirt, chestnut curls all tousled and messy, most likely roused from a nap by Y/N's merciless throwing around of the metal pans.

Y/N grumbled and threw a whisk at him (to which he catched, much to her chagrin).

"Shut up," she said, pouring the flour into the bowl as Peter approached her with a smirk and tapped her head with the whisk. "I'm angry - do not touch me with that whisk - and I want pancakes."

Peter backed up and pouted. "Why can't I tap your head? It's quite a lovely whisk -"

And that comment is what prompted to Y/N throw a handful of flour in his face.

He spluttered and wiped it from his eyes, gaping. "Hey! Rude!"

Y/N snickered. "Suck it up, sleeping beauty."

Peter scoffed. "Fuck off," he frowned, poking her side, "I can do whatever I want. The adults aren't here."

Y/N stopped her vigorous mixing and shot him a look. "Pete. We are literally twenty-one."

Peter hummed and ran a hand through his hair, sitting back on the counter. "Yeah, but I still have the mentality of a fifteen year old," he shrugged.

Y/N raised an eyebrow. "I already knew that. The walls here aren't exactly thick - I can hear your Lego playlist play constantly."

Peter flushed, knowing fully well what she was implying - his supposed 'alone time' in his room was usually spent by playing a well-tailored Lego-building playlist as he created his life away with the small plastic pieces.

"Low blow," Peter shook his head as Y/N snorted, "You know it's a stress reliever."

"Yeah but it's not necessarily a cool one -hey!" Y/N spluttered as Peter threw a handful of flour at her mouth, scowling as he burst out in laughter. "You're such a dick!"

"And you're a grouchy bitch at the moment," he smirked.

Y/N threw her head back and groaned, glaring at him as she grudgingly wiped a handful of flour from the hollows of her eyes.

"If you're going to pester me while I bake, please, I beg of you, go back to that pigsty you call a bedroom," she said as she jut out a hip. "I don't want you here."

Peter pouted.

"Why? I'm just having some fun, Y/N/N." He sauntered up beside her and brushed her hair over her shoulder, kneading at her taut back and shoulder muscles.

The room suddenly grew tender when Y/N didn't respond and Peter could finally see how tired she was — it was in the way she hunched over and rubbed at her eyes, her telltale sign of exhaustion.

An influx of guilt surged through Peter.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'll... I'll let you do your thing."

Y/N huffed, but found herself sinking into his warm touch.

It was comforting, and she actually found it endearing --- over the years, each of them had memorized exactly which tight muscles caused them pain and would sometimes subconsciously try and tend to them whenever they were close. It ranged from movie night on the couch when they were smushed up against each other, spooning at night when Peter had a particularly frightening nightmare and didn't want to be alone, and right now, just like clockwork, when Y/N was stressed.

It was nice and felt oddly like home.

Peter broke the silence by wrapping his arms around her waist and gently swaying back and forth as a small smile twisted up the corners of her lips, causing her to slowly put the whisk back down.

"Don't be stressed, Y/N/N," he said smoothly, pressing his lips to her hair as she sighed, "It's not worth it."

Y/N bit her lip.

"I know," she whispered, "But it's so hard when my boss is a sexist dick and the team leaves us here for important missions because we're deemed 'the babies' of the team when really, you and me both are more than capable -"

"Y/N," Peter interrupted. He relented his touch and Y/N frowned, turning to face him as a sad smile crossed his features. "You're just ranting now, love. Try not to think about all the bad stuff; yeah, your boss is a bitch and I want nothing more than to lay him out and yeah, the team might be assholes right now, but it doesn't matter because I'm here and you're here and there's a nasty looking batch of dry ingredients in dire need of a touch up."

He gave her a small smile as he reached for her hands, squeezing them gently.

Peter always knew how to calm her down.

Whether it was during a fight when someone hit Tony making her livid, Peter would hold her back and whisper words of encouragement in her hair. Whether it was when she would show up at Peter's apartment in tears after an awful shift where she was called terrible names by old perverted men, he would hold her in his bed at night and listen to her speak.

Y/N's lip wobbled at the thought.

"Awe, Pete..." she whispered, "You're the best."

A small smirk crossed his features, "I know."

A watery laugh escaped her lips. "There we go," she smiled brightly, "That's the normal Pete I know and love."

Peter gaped as his lips quirked into a small grin, "What do you mean, 'normal Pete?'"

"Oh, you know," she pressed a kiss to his hands before turning back towards the bowl, "The non-sappy one. I'm a big fan of your speeches and all, but the sappiness sure is something I'm not used to."

"Oh, come on!" he cried, "You liked it. I know you like to think you have no emotions, but I did see a tear or two."

"Yeah, yeah," Y/N laughed, smirking as she thrusted the bowl into his chest. "Get mixin' mister."

Peter's mouth fell open, and Y/N had to suppress a snort at how affronted the boy looked.

"I have to make this?" he yelped, "I don't know how to bake!"

"You're the one that said my mixing is in need of a touch up!"

Peter scoffed, "Oh I don't know! I was just saying that because I can see chunks of sugar in it!"

"Are you criticizing my mixing skills?" Y/N threatened, wielding the whisk like it was some kind of weapon, "You do not want to fuck with this. With this very whisk I have killed 10 people."

Peter grumbled, "More like 10 lumpy cups of flour."

"Shut up. Why don't we make..." she scanned the spice rack that was conveniently located on the marble countertop with furrowed brows, pensive, before landing on the perfect spice. She gasped and grabbed it so quickly Peter barely had time to register which two she picked up. "Let's make gingerbread pancakes!"

Peter's brows furrowed as she nodded and handed him the spices.

"Pancakes?" he asked, "Are you sure that works with pancake mix?"

Y/N scoffed.

"Of course it does," she dismissed, snatching the spices from Peter as she started to pour such an unhealthy amount of each into the dry bowl that it had Peter grimacing. "Cinnamon and ginger makes everything taste good."

Peter peered over the bowl and winced.

"Maybe not that much..."

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

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