#saes story

[vxnuslogy]

— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

-

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums. 

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself. 

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

-

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently? 

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

-

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible. 

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

-

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

-

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends.  thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile. 

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own. 

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end. 

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go. 

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[minh-i]

HOW'D THIS

TURN INTO THIS

[oddishblossom]

To shatter Itoshi Sae’s dream. That’s why I play soccer.

ITOSHI RIN — BLUE LOCK S2 EP33: Night Snow

[smilesrobotlover]

Whumptober day 31- asking for help

And that’s the end of whumptober 🥺🥺 I just wanna take a moment to say thank you for those who read my fics this month and for listening to my many rambles haha. I appreciate the comments and reblogs on these fics and I appreciate the support! It was a challenge for sure but I’m so proud of completing yet another year of whumptober, and having it be a coherent story! After last year when a story formed at the end, I knew I wanted to do it again but with the whole month, and it was a challenge but I could feel myself improve in the middle of the month! Thanks again and I hope y’all enjoy this softer day 😊

~~~~

Leon stared blankly at the thicket in front of him, his back turned to the group as he sat away from them on a log. He was picking at his hands, his mind blank as he heard soft chatter behind him, the chatter of his friends. The only relief he had from everything was knowing that despite the puppeteer’s trick, Leon had tricked him as well.

“He has my son,” Leon had explained to Rusl while hugging him by the river, his voice as soft as it's ever been as he said it directly in his ear. “He wants me to kill you for him and I don’t know what to do. He’s watching me.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispered back to Leon, instantly understanding the situation, and he left to explain it to the others. They devised a plan to fake their deaths, even going as far as to burn their clothes after Leon had “killed” them to make it seem more real. The men had executed their plan perfectly, explaining it to Leon through a crumpled piece of parchment Rusl handed to him when he returned. It was difficult to read without the puppeteer knowing, but Leon was able to do so, and he followed through with the plan.

The puppeteer tried to trick him into killing his friends, but he was unsuccessful, and it gave Leon some peace of mind.

Though his friends were just… too good at acting. Even though he knew he was pretending to kill them, the very idea of actually doing it was too much to bear. He couldn’t ever hurt them, no matter how annoyed he got from them, or how furious he got, he could never hurt them of his own free will. Leon’s breath hitched as he rubbed his hand, the phantom pains from the healed bones shooting through his arm, and the bitter taste of a red potion lingered in his mouth.

“Hey.”

Leon turned to see Rusl holding out a cup to him, a soft smile on his face.

“Some tea to help calm the nerves,” he explained, and Leon took the cup, giving Rusl a grateful nod. Before he could turn back around, however, Rusl stopped him, gesturing to the rest of the group. “Come join us, will you?”

Leon was reluctant, but nodded, knowing that he'd been sulking for long enough. He owed the men an explanation and an apology for everything. His friends watched him as he sat down with Rusl by his side, and he looked down at the cup of tea, avoiding their gazes. They were all wearing different clothes after burning their old ones, save for a few articles of clothing that were sentimental to the men. They looked different—they looked stronger. Leon sighed, rubbing the rim of the cup as they continued to stare, as if waiting for him to speak up.

“I-I’m so sorry,” he finally said, “I’m sorry for everything I have caused and… for any stress that may have come from this.”

“All is well Leon,” Talon said, the men all muttering in agreement. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, it was my fault,” Leon pushed, “I fought the monster on my own instead of getting you all to help me and I got myself captured and—“

“Hey, it’s ok, it all worked out in the end,” Talon continued, but Leon shook his head.

“But I risked your lives! You all could’ve died if I hadn’t been so careless!”

“But we didn’t,” Rusl said firmly, “you still made sure we had a chance for survival despite the risks!”

“Yeah!” Benji jumped in, “how else were we supposed to come up with a plan without you telling Rusl?”

Leon looked down, still feeling guilty over everything. “It’s my job to protect you all.”

“You put too much on your shoulders for us, Leon,” Kass said, and Rusl nodded.

“It’s all of our jobs to protect each other. We’re a team for that reason.”

Leon sighed and looked down, nodding slightly. “I know… but—“ he sighed again, resting his face on his hands. He was so tired.

“It’s ok, Leon,” Rusl pressed.

“Yes, if I was out in your situation, I don’t know what I would’ve done,” Ammon jumped in. “You acted very wisely despite all that was given to you.”

Leon shook his head that was still resting in his hands. “I still could’ve done better.”

The men grew silent this time, the sound being his heavy breathing as he tried to get himself under control.

“Well, I guess there were things you could’ve done better,” Linebeck finally spoke up, and Leon peeked through his hands to look at him. His arms were crossed as he stared at him, a firm look on his face. “But the point is that we survived. You survived and so did your kid. So it’s time we stop thinking about what we could’ve done and focus on what we do next. Ok?”

Leon blinked, shocked into silence, but he slowly nodded his head. Linebeck was right, there was no reason to dwell on the past. In the end, everything turned out fine despite the emotional turmoil it caused him—it was better than it ending up with everyone dead after all. But…

“I j-just need a moment,” he stammered, shame apparent on his face, but he knew he had to be open with them. “I don’t think I can go on like th-this, I’m sorry.”

Linebeck’s expression softened and he nodded. “Of course. We don’t need to move on yet. We can just… be here in the now.”

The rest of the men agreed, and Leon looked down as the tears started to form in his eyes. Goddesses, he’s been crying so much lately….

“I just… thought I finally had him,” Leon whimpered, “I thought I had him in my arms but it was just a fake. I almost went home without him!”

“The puppeteer is a sick man,” Rusl commented, rubbing Leon’s back in small circles, which calmed him. “My guess is that it was his plan from the start, but he needed the real one to get you to believe him.”

“At least he’s ok,” Kass said, “he’s with the Links, right? I’m sure he’s safe and sound now.”

“Yeah, thank the spirits.”

Leon nodded. He was eternally grateful that his son was at least alive and safe from the puppeteer. But he still hoped that he’d be able to finally reunite with him—he hoped that they could be led to the rest of the Links. But they were back to searching for clues, running in circles in a desperate attempt to find them while nearly dying in the process.

“Hey,” Ammon started, rubbing his beard, “since the Links saved Leon’s son, then surely they’d be… somewhat closeby, right?”

“We don’t know when they came, is the problem,” Benji said, “they could be long gone by now.”

“But we’re closer than we’ve ever been before,” Ammon continued. “They must be somewhere in these woods, right?”

Leon blinked, his breathing evening out as he thought about it. They were closer than they’ve ever been before; even if the Links arrived way before he had, they definitely were still in these woods. Maybe there was hope…

“Well, we can go searching tomorrow,” Rusl commented, looking up at the golden sky. “I think it’s getting too late.”

Rusl glanced down at Leon who was sitting up now, his eyes puffy and red. Leon glanced back up at him and he nodded.

“I agree. We can search tomorrow and hopefully find their trail,” he said, feeling a bit more energized with the sliver of hope in finding his son. The men all nodded, smiles on their faces as he stopped moping slightly, but Leon glanced around and frowned, looking down at the ground once again. “I—I just want you all to know that… I never want to harm any of you. That’s why I’m so… disturbed right now—that and my son—but… you all were so… decisive and…I—thank you.” Leon let out a sigh, his eyes closed as he nodded his head. “Thank you. For helping me despite the risk. I-I’m glad to have met all of you.”

“Aw, Leon.” Taon got up from where he was sitting and walked up to the man, his hand resting on Leon’s shoulder. “You need a hug, buddy?”

Leon was hesitant, but he honestly needed one, so he nodded with an embarrassed look on his face. Talon chuckled and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him close so Leon could lean on him. He instantly melted into the hug, wrapping his arms around Talon and clinging onto him as if his life depended on it. There was shuffling behind him, and he felt Rusl lean on him, joining in on the hug.

“Oh I need to get in on this action!” Benji exclaimed, ramming into Talon.

“Oh—I guess we’re hugging now,” Ammon muttered as Kass led him to the hug, and he reluctantly stood there with Kass wrapping his wings around everyone.

“Uh, I’m gonna stand over there,” Linebeck started, but Rusl grabbed him and forced him back to the group hug, which he begrudgingly joined. “There there Leon,” he muttered, patting his head, which made Leon chuckle slightly. It felt nice to laugh after the past few days, and it truthfully felt nice to be held. He was still tired and distressed, but the weight felt lifted slightly by those around him, his chest felt looser, and he felt warm. As long as he could rely on these men, he knew that they’d all survive, that they’d be victorious.

As long as they stuck together, they were going to be fine.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Akechi voice: “Haha I’m fucking miserable :) Anyways nice café! Did you know that my mom died and nobody ever wanted me. This is some really nice coffee. I think we must be connected by fate. Hi Futaba-chan. Thoughts on the Phantom Thieves? Anyways, this place is lovely. I’ll be back.”

[fanficfr3ak]

Someone actually make a fanfic about Ryusei and Sae being two best friends in a shared apartment who DEFINITELY kiss

[okthatsgreat]

i’m realizing that one of my favorite ways to create a character is by first establishing a major flaw of theirs and then examining how that will inevitably fuck them up a bit. then fleshing them out from there

[chodzacaparodia]

Someone: What shouldn't your potential partner be like?

Me: He can't be selfish. Egoists are the worst.

Also me, simping over Blue Lock boys: They... they are exceptions...

[soundlessroom]

My favorite sentences in each chapter.

Chapter 3 is not yet online though, so far I plan one chapter per month to not overwhelm anyone with reading it.

[blue-thief]

i always had like a general vibe of what sae went through spain but i could never express it in words properly/why i believe what i believe. but i just realized that i've been speculating that whatever he went through in spain was probably similar to what matsuoka rin went through in australia

[popponn]

i'm this close to opening discussion whether (is it possible that) kaiser is a playboy or not

[tricksterlatte]

There's something absolutely ironic and even compelling to me about the domino effect regarding Akechi and Sae's interactions. Akechi had to deceive everyone, including his coworkers. Sae in particular was closely tied to the investigations of the crimes he was committing, so of course appearing as non-threatening or even annoying as possible to her was in his best interests.

However, his petty but arguably feeble masquerade is what led to his cognitive self in Sae's brain presumably being easy for the Phantom Thieves to tie up? He was too good at deception and it led to Sae's perception of him being sopping wet cat, which was easy for the Thieves to subdue, so the threatening, real Akechi wouldn't stumble upon Sae's cognition of him as he went to murder Joker.

I know people usually discuss Shido's cognitive Akechi and the implications regarding Akechi's presentation of himself and his layers of deception, but Sae's is the direct contrast to Shido's, and it's very interesting to look at how being a petty little asshole to your stressed out hot lady coworker about her skincare routine can also contribute to her thinking of you a a nuisance at best (until it was almost too late for everyone involved, but hey, it worked out for the best? I think).

I love the layers of Akechi's deception because he was cunning to a fault. Sometimes I wish we could have seen how the Thieves interacted with Sae's cognition of him, because both Sae and Shido had a very biased perception of him, and it makes me wonder who really knew Akechi at all. I'm rambling here, but it's been on my mind for ages. I would love to see if her cognitive Akechi changed after 11/20, considering he went from annoying junior detective to a dangerous murderer in just one day for her, and she doesn't remember any of third semester or even 12/24 when he was there.

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?

[toribookworm22]

Hallo-Watch Poll 👓👻

To give a few notes of context, I don't really do horror, but it's because of really bad paranoia, especially in rumination and a terrible reaction to jumpscares. (So no Saw but Get Out is fine.)

If you also would like to chime in with how scary you found a few of these options, please feel free.

If nothing else, I'm going with the Muppets.

[smilesrobotlover]

Just want to say I love this whumptober storyline you've got going for these guys. Thank you.

That means so much to hear anon thank you 🥺🥺🥺 I’ve been wanting to share this story since February so I’m glad everyone’s liking it 😭😭😭 it’s a struggle for sure but I’m so excited to get to the end hehe

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Every time Akechi appears on screen, I wait with an equal mixture of amusement and trepidation for whatever random insane lines are going to come out of his mouth