#russ has me doing this almost constantly

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

i love when i listen to music while washing dishes and a song will come on that makes me stop everything just to put a reminder for later in my drafts to look up the lyrics to understand it more thoroughly

[mothiir]

What shenanigans do you think lion and leman get up to when they smell their woman ovulating

i’m sorry anon did you ask me to write yet another list of ‘primarchs react to’?

yes, thought you did! here is an incomplete list of ‘primarchs reacting to their lady ovulating’. all of these, apart from roboute, are pre-heresy.

roboute guilliman - starting off strong. This man smells that you are fertile and immediately checks and triple checks that your implant is functioning and that there is no chance that you are getting pregnant. No babies. Not now. Maybe when he has a farm, in a few hundred years. But nope, not now. If things are bad in the imperium at that moment, his ‘can’t be a dad’ anxiety might spike to the point where he doesn’t even want to put his penis near you. He sticks out one knee — still encased in his holy armour — and is like okay rub on that while I finish up this paperwork, you have forty five minutes.

the lion - his sex ed came in two batches: one from observing wild animals, and two from observing some very homosexual knights. He isn’t exactly the expert on the female reproductive cycle. However, he does the best he can, extrapolating from how female lions acted in the forest of Caliban. When they were fertile, they badgered the males for sex constantly, and seemed very distressed when they weren’t being serviced. In his infinite wisdom, he decides that human woman are probably the same, and proceeds to put you on your back at least five times a day. You whinge less than normal (mostly because you are almost comatose with exhaustion) so he counts this as a success.

leman russ - unlike the lion (and indeed most of his brothers) he has had considerable experience with female humans before he met you, so he knows exactly what to do. Yes, he does buy into some stereotypes — you are a little hornier than normal, maybe, but you’re certainly not the insatiable sex goddess he starts treating you like — but his heart (and dick) are in the right place. He may even start hinting about hey do you want pups? Maybe? Just one or two? His dirty talk takes on a distinctive feral tone. Lots of talking about how pretty you’d look with his pups in you. Don’t worry, he’ll calm down eventually.

horus - will hide your birth control. Best bet is to be conveniently absent for this week of your cycle. He’s going to start whining. Ignore him — he’s a big boy, and despite his painted insistence, primarchs do not have a genetic anomaly that makes blue balls fatal.

konrad - he sniffs you more than normal, which is saying something because he sniffs you a lot. Tells you that you smell unbearably revoltingly sweet and he hates it. No, you may not leave his chambers, he wants you to stay here so he can put up with the awful-delightful fecund reek. That’s a direct quote by the way; the man has a way with words. Like Roboute, he is pretty fanatical about not wanting children, so he isn’t going to take any risks. You will end up with a very sore jaw as he makes you swallow the little Night Haunter morning noon and night to take the edge off.

lorgar — look, he knows you’re not going to go around spreading your legs for his legion, he knows that you’re a good chaste girl who only wants him, but you smell so wonderful, and you’re all rosy with health, and his sons —- well, his sons are lovely, but they’re still men. And what chance do men have against the divine? No, you stay in your rooms nice and snug, and he will tell you when you have finished that bit of the cycle and can leave. Until then, he’ll keep you occupied. Partly with sex. Mostly with reading scripture he’s written about how said sex is a divine offering to his Father.

ferrus - meat-woman smell of weak human hormones. vile. must purge woman best way iron hand know how: insertion of the iron co —

fulgrim - writes you the most gorgeous flowery poetry and presents it to you along with an eight foot picture that is designed to ‘celebrate your delightful womanhood’. It is beautiful, in the way that all his art is, but you’ll admit that you don’t quite ‘get’ this one. It’s vaguely in the shape of a uterus, in shades of purple and gold, and — is that a penis? He will then proceed to make you forget your own name, so thankfully your opinion on said art piece is never asked.

[edwinspaynes]

share your hcs about Anna please! :D

I'll give you some Anna and Matthew headcanons because that's what I've got! It's the primary context through which I think about Anna, lol, so.

They try out new clubs and salons every month and see which ones they like. The Hell Ruelle may be their favorite, but they have other haunts, too.

Matthew constantly lends Anna nice clothes to wear out, and she lends him some periodically, too, when they fit. She has all of her men's costumes tailored to frame her curves better, and this leads to them not always fitting Matthew's masculine frame.

They have tea and gossip about everyone in London once a week.

Anna is one of the first people Matthew came out to, and Matthew is one of the first people that Anna came out to.

Anna was always trying to warn Matthew away from certain men and women that she knew wouldn't treat him properly, but this just gave him fuel for his self-destructive tendencies. She never figured it out.

She definitely yelled at Kellington once or twice.

Every time Matthew had some passion that didn't pan out, Anna would show up at his door with a Charlotte Russe cake (canonically Matthew's favourite dessert per an old newsletter). They would each grab a fork and eat it straight from the tray, no slicing necessary.

Matthew admires Anna because of her "hardness" and seeming inability to get a broken heart. Matthew always has a broken heart. It feels like an impossibility to him. Little does he know...

Matthew helped Anna decorate her flat when she first moved in. He took the job very seriously and did all in his power to make the tiny space look aesthetically pleasing. He made sure there was a lot of natural light to bounce around the space and gave her old plush furniture from the Devil and his own house.

When Virginia Woolf gave Anna Percival, she didn't tell Matthew. Instead, she invited him over and put him in the entryway of her home. Matthew almost pissed himself and screamed bloody murder, but eventually thought it was a hilarious lark when he calmed down. He was proud of her.

Matthew would give Anna things that made her feel more masculine as a child. There's some canon basis here, what with him handing her menswear in EET. But like, if there was a party with "boy favors" and "girl favors," he'd trade with Anna. It was no problem for him - he secretly liked the frills and flowers anyway.

After ChoT, Matthew plans meticulous romantic dates for Ari and Anna. He lets Anna take all the credit, of course, and Ari swoons.

Matthew is Anna/Ari's first child's godparent.

Matthew and Anna go to Paris together every couple of years as adults. Even when they live far apart, they make it a point to meet there sometimes. Periodically, Thomas and Alastair come along, as do Ari and Matthew's partner. It's basically the Big Gay Club France Meetup. They have croissants.

Writing this out has made me remember how much I love their friendship, lol. Thank you.

[screenmaven]

Film Share Sunday - with Banannasui

*update as of 10/27/23 I am no longer doing film shares do to a hectic time in my life, I do however appreciate anyone who has taken the time to join me in that spotlight. I may return to in the future, but for now I do not have time.*

I usually spotlight creators Top 5 Favorite Films each Sunday, via my SCREENMAVEN Instagram (now just starrymayx) but this week I welcome an extension of that to the blog. I love fashion probably as much as I love film, so it’s a two for one special when a film produces both.

I had the pleasure of connecting with one of my favorite fashion content creators Banannasui, and wanted to share her insight into why she highly acclaims these as her top 5 fashion films.

Charlie’s Angels (2000)

The 2000 Charlie’s Angels is fast-paced, flirty, lurid in both color and dialogue, and I feel like the outfits completely reflect that. The opening scene alone give us Cameron Diaz wearing the ultimate accessory that bridged the late 90s and early 00s: gradient sunglasses adorned with rhinestones (hers specifically were from Chloé). I remember reading that the costume designer had stacked up 3,000+ outfits for the movie, with each of the three girls having a wardrobe cultivated specifically for their character; Cameron is the all-American girl, Lucy is sophisticated and mature (her cooking muffins in a leather corset is amazing), and Drew is the scrappy rebel-type. Overall the movie is such a fun, campy feast for the eyes, but I think my absolute favorite outfits are the trio of glossy red white & blue jumpsuits they don on the racetrack.

The Bling Ring (2013)

God, it’s such a period piece of its time. A millennial’s period piece. The outfits aren’t ones I’d necessarily consider fashionable now, but (the year it came out) it was the pinnacle of it! The skinny jeans with pumps, the Uggs, the clunky jewelry, the scene of them walking out with their iced coffees wearing capes and vests and scarves and pencil skirts. All staples of that weird time period where office-chic infiltrated Polyvore boards. I love movies where the outfits are such a direct reflection of the person wearing them, it elevates the wearer to the point where you stop seeing them as the actor and start seeing them as the character. Especially when the one dressing them does their homework! Case in point, costume designer Stacey Battat said she bought every back issue of US Weekly from 2003 in preparation for dressing the cast, and then incorporated elements of the early 2010s as well, in order to make the time period of the movie feel more ambiguous. Although not included in the film, thinking of the outfits reminds me of a line from the famous Alexis Neiers phone call to Nancy Jo Sales: “..you saying that I wore six inch Louboutins heels to court with my tweed skirt, when I wore four inch little brown Bebe shoes.” It’s just so of its time.

Faster Pussycat! Kill Kill! (1965)

I love, love, love the outfits for Faster, Pussycat! It’s campy, visceral, with an appropriate amount of violence— you can see echoes of it in John Waters and Quentin Tarantino films (both of whom have cited the movie as inspiration). The outfits within the movie are very 60s, composed of simple shirts and jeans, yet are menacing, sexy, and striking. There’s no shortage of tight pieces and plunging necklines, yet the provocativeness doesn’t feel exploitative or demeaning. I like the idea of sex as armor in this movie, a notion expanded upon by Robert Ebert in a 1995 review. Despite the much exposed skin and cleavage, Ebert notes that the director, Russ Meyers, “from the beginning of his career and almost without exception, has filmed only situations in which women wreak their will upon men.” The trio of intimidating women in this film constantly leave behind a streak of havoc, literally snapping men’s spines and running them over with cars. They do all this whilst donning tiny tops, push up bras, hot pants, and bikinis, taking full control of their situations. It subverts the girly 60s look, both in attitude and appearance. Personally, I especially love Billie’s (Lori Williams) looks in the movie, in particular her iconic white hot-pants and polka-dotted crop top getup.

Female Trouble (1974)

I love 70s fashion, a lot. I also enjoy the garish vibrancy of camp, where the attitude of the story bleeds into the wardrobe. Female Trouble deploys all of that, served on a sickening platter of glitz and glamor. The John Waters film stars legendary drag queen Divine, and is chocked full of fashion references to the 50s and 60s, splicing decades of style together in a way that matches the pacing and overall attitude of the movie. There’s beehive hairdos and pastels, as well as brightly colored dresses, slick animal prints, heavy eye makeup, sequins, and fur coats. It’s very gaudy, very glamorous, and very much full of fashion inspiration. I actually originally found out about this movie due to fashion collections that took cues from the film, namely Miu Miu spring ‘15 and Adam Selman fall ‘15.

I love how despite the frivolity and outrageous storytelling that the outfits weave, they’re also very stylish in a wearable way. I mean, the orange transparent mini dress with a fur coat and sky-high hair? I’d wear it.

Blow Up (1966)

It’s a cult fashion movie, and for good reason. The movie takes place in the midst of the swinging sixties, and the clothing is accordingly immersed in the world of mod: flats with tights, kitten heels, a-line mini dresses, sharp lines and sleek ensembles that evokes imagery of both Twiggy in Vogue, and Edie Sedgwick in her iconic black tights and chandelier earrings (though of course, Edie had shrugged away the label of mod). It’s very much representative of its time, notably featuring a young Jane Birkin, as well as legendary model Veruschka playing herself. Some of the frames in the movie might as well have been pictures of collections from the iconic designers of that era, including Mary Quant, André Courrèges, and Pierre Cardin. It’s fun, simple glamor, encapsulating the time in which it was created.

I’ve always loved the style of this era of the sixties, and how it’s portrayed in Blow Up; simple mini dresses that accentuate attention-stealing pieces such as fur coats and red tights (which are timeless, even now). Nothing beats a barely there a-line dress to me, and they are bountiful in this movie.

I myself (screenmaven) absolutely love Blow Up!! That one is definitely on my film style list.

Thanks again, for sharing with me and my followers your insight into style through film.

Follow @ starrymayx on IG & banannasui for more great content.

[poor-ciceros-voring-again]

2d and Murdoc for the character prompt?

For 2D

Sexuality: bisexual but leans towards women usually.

Gender: nonbinary, he/they <3 he's so gender.

Ship: 2D and Murdoc all the way (but also don't mind 2D/Ace or 2D/Russ. Bonus points if it's 2D/Murdoc/Ace 👀)

Brotp: anyone in the band tbh. Murdoc, Russ, Ace, and Noodle

Notp: 2D/Noodle.

Random Headcanon: He's SO AUTISTIC. He likes noisy toys and metallic textures the most. He's also very orally fixated so he constantly has a little chewy necklace, but also chews straws, pens, etc! He's almost always moving and can't really sit still. He does raptor hands a lot, and masks without realizing it. Another one is I think he's legally blind. His vision is very impaired and he can struggle to see sometimes.

Gen opinion: kinning moment he is licherally me

For Murdoc

Sexuality: he's so bisexual

Gender: he/it, doesn't care about labels tho

Ship: 2D and Murdoc 100% like I said above. (But also Murdoc/Ace and Murdoc/Russ. And ofc 2D/Ace/Murdoc <3)

Brotp: 2D, Ace, Russ, and Noodle

Notp: murdoc/noodle

Random Headcanon: Ive talked about it on another post but I think he feels really bad about making 2D's vision as bad as it is and always has felt bad about it (but would never actually admit to it). So whenever 2D asks him for help with something, like tying his shoes, Murdoc will just do it no questions asked. It gets to a point where 2D doesn't even have to ask, I think, and Murdoc just kinda helps him with things without even thinking about it, and 2D appreciates it, but doesn't mention it at all anymore. It's just an unspoken agreement between them at this point. I also think this is why 2D's shoes are untied during the Now Now era when Murdoc isn't around. Because it's been so long since he's had to ask he kinda feels embarrassed about asking for help now, or just straight up forgets he needs to tie his shoes. I can and will elaborate on this if you want me to.

Gen opinion: 😳🥰👀 daddy? Sorry. Daddy? Sorry. Da—

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! Quick question. I've recently come to terms that I am indeed a 9, not a 4 as I thought for some months. The descriptions, even the Don Riso and Russ Hudson's one, didn't make it easier for me to relate. And the feeling of alienation had much weight for typing myself rather than me being constantly over-flood by the environment. Actually, the David Gray's articles and site made me realize how this was THE major problem in life.

My question being, does being sp/sx, w8 and Fi-dom (i am still torn between ISFP and INFP, but after reading your book I know I am Fi) would compromise my ability to relate to the always-agreeing, gentle, (almost doormat, not that I think it, but that's the impression from most descriptions) usual described 9?

I'm glad you have found your core type! :)

Yeah, a lot of 9w8s don't relate to the passivity in the 9 descriptions, which are slanted more toward the 9w1's ego stance of "I need to suppress my anger and be less disagreeable" thought-policing. 8 is an assertive, aggressive type, so on a 9, it becomes a back-and-forth of agreeableness and disagreeableness, of rising up in anger, but of self-enforced calm -- "I am calm, and it's your problem if you aren't calm." A Fi won't agree with anything it finds problematic, period, regardless of being a 9. They might change the subject, remain silent, or even assert themselves ("I don't agree with that / like that") in general, but a 9w8 might even argue their perspective forcefully.

I know an SFP 9w8 who seems 9ish at times and 8ish at times. She can be 9ish (and yes, that seems to be her main drive) in that her life is full of inertia unless something happens and then she's forced to react to it -- and she does, with flat-out aggression. She is easily distracted, she does the unimportant things first (struggles to prioritize, which is a 9 issue of deflection away from doing the thing that makes them anxious) which leaves her no energy for the important things, and is passive in areas of self-care; but she is highly assertive with her children / family members / friends in drawing loud boundaries, she has gotten into fierce arguments with people over political stances (and "enjoyed our debate" -- while the 9w1s at the table were sliding underneath it in anxious despair), and she confesses that she often acts before she thinks and then has to clean up the mess, whenever she uses 8. She would also rather identify as an 8, because "my 9 core is a wimp and I hate that." But she is still 9w8, and an sp-dom, which is the "toughest" 9.

The emphasis is too often placed on 9s as being conflict-avoiding (which they are to a limited extent) rather than deliberately blocking out anything they find uncomfortable, to maintain a sense of inner calm. Their mantra is "I want peace inside myself, and I will do what is necessary to get it." That can be telling people to leave them alone, or going along with their plans, or ignoring what they don't like, or living alone in the middle of nowhere and not dealing with people -- whatever strategy the 9 feels is most "them."

[astrognossienne]

tragic beauty: lupe vélez - an analysis

“I had to play with boys, girls found me too rough.” -  Lupe Vélez  

This is an analysis I’ve wanted to cover for a while for quite a few reasons. Primarily because, in a few ways, I see myself in her and, as such, feel the need to defend her and assert her true legacy: as a pioneer. Which brings me to the main reason I wanted to do this: to correct the scurrilous rumours about her premature death cooked up by a hating ass imbecilic Aquarius whose infamous book doesn’t deserve to be named. So if you want to hear the truth about this lady, read on.

Known as the “Mexican Spitfire”, Latin bombshell Lupe Vélez was (an to an extent, still is) a much-maligned and terribly misunderstood woman. A true Cancer, she was a force of nature and unconsciously antagonized others and made them uncomfortable because of her authenticity to herself and her emotional nature. Born during a storm, she had a naturally stormy personality. She could be hilarious and charismatic one moment, and depressive and vicious the next. Instead of anyone trying to understand her, they just stuck her with the “spicy fiery Latina” stereotype, not knowing or caring what was behind it. The harshness of her life before stardom may explain some of her fearsome, yet fun, personality; she grew up with violent trauma – watching her father kill and almost be killed during the Mexican Revolution. She also is believed to have had undiagnosed bipolar disorder, which would explain her extreme moodiness and outbursts.

One of the first Latina actresses to make an impact in Hollywood, she was subjected to the racist, sexist Hollywood tropes that forever typecasted her—she was called “senorita cyclone,” and the “hot tamale”. The Hollywood press willfully misunderstood Vélez’s sex positivity and consistently portrayed her as a woman who took great pleasure in her body, and indeed, the tempestuous Vélez had numerous affairs, including a particularly torrid one with a young Gary Cooper, and a tumultuous marriage to “Tarzan” star Johnny Weissmuller. But in 1944, at age 36, she found herself pregnant with the child of a little known-actor name Harald Ramond, who would not marry her and this reality made her come undone, and like my other baby Carole Landis, she succumbed to an drug overdose. Her promiscuity, right or wrong, became part of the way her stardom was packaged and promoted. Also, the press naturally compared her to (and pitted her against) Hollywood’s only other female Mexican star—the “high-class” and elegant Dolores Del Rio. The press couldn’t even find sympathy for her even in death and a false story was printed that she drowned in the toilet after vomiting up a spicy Mexican dinner. Her death is parodied and mocked to this day. Again, she’s a true Cancer in the sense that the same imperfections that everyone else has, she is seen as less than human for having them. I hope to help right that wrong by honoring Vélez for being the trailblazer that she is. At any rate, Vélez would seem to be a prototype for contemporary female stars, from Madonna to Rihanna, who have proclaimed their pleasure in their body and their sexual liberation — a pro-sex activist before her time, doomed to suffer the rejection of a more puritanical age.

Lupe Vélez, according to astrotheme, was a Cancer sun and Leo moon. She was born María Guadalupe Villalobos Vélez in San Luis Potosí, Mexico, to young upper-middle class parents. Her father, Jacobo Villalobos Reyes, was a colonel in the military, and her mother, Josefina Vélez, was an opera singer. They also had another son, John and daughter, Annette. The Villalobos family were considered prominent in San Luis Potosí and most of the male family members were college educated. The family was also financially comfortable and lived in a large home with servants. As a young girl Lupe showed an interest in performing, but her father was outraged at his daughter’s “low-class” dreams, and forbade his daughter from being in show business. All that changed during the war. Her family was in a state of upheaval—the Mexican Revolution was happening, her father had been presumed dead in the war and all their money was gone. While most of her family members were too proud to get jobs, a teenage Vélez did just that, supporting the family by working as a saleswoman in a department store. She then finagled an audition with a local theater. However, her father was indded alive and well and soon returned home from the war. Because at that time becoming an artist and coming from a well-to-do family was seen as embarrassing, her father refused to let her use his last name in theater, so she used her mother’s surname.

She proceeded to seek out venues where she could dance the then-popular “shimmy.” In 1925 she was cast in the big stage revues Mexican Rataplan and !No lo tapes! and became a big audience favourite. Her name got around to American stage star Richard Bennett (father of American film stars Constance and Joan Bennett), who was looking for a Mexican cantina singer for his new play. Lupe traveled to Hollywood but was rejected for the part for being too young. While in Hollywood, Lupe met film and stage comedienne Fanny Brice, who took a liking to Lupe because of her sparkling personality. She put in a good word for Lupe to impresario Florenz Ziegfeld (creator of the Ziegfeld’s Follies), who could use Lupe in one of his Broadway musicals. However, MGM producer Harry Rapf heard of Lupe as well, and offered her a screen test. When producer Hal Roach saw the test, he immediately signed her to a contract. Vélez soon made her major film debut in Douglas Fairbanks’ action-romance The Gaucho in 1927. The film was a huge hit and Vélez was an overnight sensation.

Along with her professional life gaining steam, so did her love life. Vélez sought out some of Hollywood’s hottest men, which wasn’t hard for a hot and sexy number like Lupe; men flocked to her like bees to honey. She was romantically linked with Gary Cooper, Charlie Chaplin, Clark Gable, cowboy Tom Mix, “Tarzan” actor Johnny Weissmuller, Errol Flynn, John Gilbert, Henry Wilcoxon, singer Russ Columbo, Randolph Scott, author Erich Maria Remarque (who wrote All Quiet On The Western Front and later married Paulette Goddard), Clayton “Lone Ranger” Moore, director Victor Fleming (director of Gone With The Wind), and boxers Jack Johnson and Jack Dempsey.

One of her first conquests was cowboy star Tom Mix. She also had an with newcomer Clark Gable, who cut off their romance because he was afraid Lupe would run all over town discussing their sexual secrets, which she did. Soon she had a torrid affair with comic genius Charlie Chaplin in 1928. Lupe revitalized Chaplin’s libido after he had gone through a torturous divorce from his wife. Whatever time she had for the many men in her life, that same appreciation didn’t extend to other women and she would frequently battle with the other females with whom she had to work with and would often threaten them; when she was starring in director D.W. Griffith’s Lady of the Pavements, she had to co-star with an actress named Jedda Goudall, whom she hated, and the two had a ferocious cat-fight on the set. When she made her final appearance on Broadway in the Cole Porter musical “You Never Know”, Vélez and fellow cast member Libby Holman feuded viciously. The feud came to a head during a performance where Vélez punched Holman in between curtain calls and gave her a black eye, which pretty much ended the run of the show. Vélez was territorial about the men in her life, she was vicious toward any woman who might be competition for her man or an acting role. She mocked Marlene Dietrich, Greta Garbo, Katharine Hepburn and Shirley Temple, and her arch nemesis Dolores Del Dio by doing imitations of them.

When she was cast in the film The Wolf Song in 1929, she met Gary Cooper and immediately started what would be her first widely publicized romance. Theirs was a one-sidedly volatile relationship; he would often appear in public with scratches and bruises. One time, she attacked him with a knife during a fight. He needed stitches. By the end of their time as a couple, Copper had lost 45 pounds and was physically exhausted.  He was ordered by the studio to take a vacation. As he boarded a train, Vélez shot at Cooper but missed. Lupe soon moved on to other men; she had a thing for fighters. In addition to having a brief fling with boxer Jack Dempsey, she conducted a flagrant, but secret, affair with the black boxer Jack Johnson. In those days, blacks and whites almost never conducted sexual affairs out in the open. She met Olympic swimming champion Johnny Weissmuller at the hotel where she was staying that was owned by film star Marion Davies. One problem: Weissmuller was already married. But no matter, he dumped his wife for Lupe and married her October 8, 1933 in Las Vegas. Theirs was not a happy, serene marriage, and they constantly battled, with Lupe filing for divorce several times in 1934 and changing her mind each time. Weissmuller’s patience was so strained he dumped a plate of salad on her head at Ciro’s nightclub. Finally, in 1938 she filed a petition that was finalized in 1939.

After having many hit pictures with MGM, they unceremoniously dropped her. The excuse was that the studios were no longer going to make Spanish versions of their films and there was no longer a need for Latin actresses. Vélez returned to Mexico in 1938 to star in her first Spanish-language film. Arriving in Mexico City, she was greeted by 10,000 fans. The film La Zandunga, was a critical and financial success and Vélez was slated to appear in four more Mexican films, but instead, she returned to Los Angeles. She soon went to RKO Studios and starred in the B-movie The Girl From Mexico. Despite its lowly status, the picture became a tremendous hit with audiences. RKO rushed her into another film, this time called Mexican Spitfire, playing an emotionally volatile singer named Carmelita. The 1940 film became another smash for Lupe. The Spitfire series of eight slapstick comedy films rejuvenated Lupe’s sagging career.  In late 1941, she had an affair with writer Erich Maria Remarque whose wife, actress Luise Rainer later wrote that Remarque told her “with the greatest of glee” that he found Vélez’s volatility hot.

At this same time Lupe took on another lover in the form of a French 27-year-old bit actor named Harald Ramond. He was a strong and controlling man who knew how to tame Lupe. After she discovered that she was three months pregnant, she announced her engagement to Ramond without his knowledge or consent. When he learned of her pregnancy, he refused to marry her. Deeply hurt and stunned, she felt backed into a corner; she knew her career would be ruined in Hollywood if word got out she was pregnant and unmarried. It just wasn’t done in those days. And despite her wildness, Lupe was a devout Catholic, so abortion was out of the question. She could see only one way out: suicide. On December 18, 1944, at the age of 36, Vélez swallowed 70 Seconal pills, she lay down on her pink satin pillow on her over-sized Hollywood bed and arranged herself like a movie star, with her hands folded across her chest and went into an eternal sleep. Dramatic to the end, Lupe went out of this world in glamorous style. She left a suicide note addressed to Harald, which read:

“To Harald, May God forgive you and forgive me too, but I prefer to take my life away and our baby’s before I bring him with shame or killing him. How could you, Harald, fake such a great love for me and our baby when all the time you didn’t want us?  I see no other way out for me so goodbye and good luck to you, Love Lupe.”

THAT is the truth. But the bottom line is: how she lived her life as well as the circumstances around her death are all irrelevant at the end of the day. What matters is the loss of a great multi-talented, pioneering Mexican star and a legacy unrealized and stunted by a world that wasn’t ready for her.

Next, I’ll talk about the most famous of her paramours, the yin to her yang, a perfect example of the special chemistry that Taureans and Cancers share, the strong, silent hero of the silver screen: Taurus Gary Cooper.

Stats

birthdate: July 18, 1908

major planets:

Sun: Cancer

Moon: Leo

Rising: Gemini

Mercury: Cancer

Venus: Leo

Mars: Pisces

Midheaven: Pisces

Jupiter: Virgo

Saturn: Aries

Uranus: Capricorn

Neptune: Cancer

Pluto: Gemini

Overall personality snapshot: She may have seemed at times to be a shy, vulnerable, romantic individual who only wanted to please, but underneath she had a voracious appetite for adoration and respect, and would not stop until she got it. Without a doubt, she had a very warm feeling for others, and domestic security with plenty of happy togetherness is high on her list of priorities. When it came to cooperation with others, however, she had her limits because she was profoundly individualistic and, albeit in a charming manner, she insisted on doing things her way. Ultimately the most important thing for her was believing in herself and being true to her standards and aspirations. Most of all, she needed to fulfill her creative potential, which was like an intimate companion with whom she shared her life. You nurture it, protect it, and then you show it off, and whatever walk of life you are in, you tend to be a fine performer.

This gave her a lot of self-respect and a touch of vanity as well, and her emotional sensitivity combined with her underlying imperiousness tended to impress others and made them take her seriously. She was a devoted member of her flock, and she zealously and jealously protected and promoted whomever she was devoted to. When it came to developing her own talents, however, she seemed to know that she had to pull away in order to grow into her greatest self. Others may have thought she was a bit of a show-off but that was not the case: she simply had a deep sense of the importance of her own creative talents, and she felt only half alive if she did not honour them. Although she was pretty sensitive to criticism or rebuffs, she was just as committed to honesty and personal integrity; and despite her vanity, she eventually learned to laugh at herself.

She had a very good memory and found it easy to learn subjects that interested her. She was very kind and thoughtful towards others. Her imagination was very keen, but if it got carried away, she may have experienced irrational fears. Even though she may have tried to maintain a scientific and objective outlook, her mind was actually dominated by her emotions. When it came to careers, she may have felt initially vague or confused about what she really wanted to do. She was eventually forced to give up her career of choice by events out of her control (as was evidenced by the tides turning from the “Mexican spitfire” female ideal due to the changing of the times). There was probably some element of self-sacrifice involved somewhere in her choice of career (the element of sacrifice being that she had to sacrifice her child, and ultimately her life, in relation to her reputation as an unwed mother as well as her unborn child’s reputation as an illegitimate child). She had good technical and scientific ability due to her, at times almost fanatical, attention to detail. She was also fastidious when it came to matters of health, diet and appearance. She was not afraid of work and was very resourceful and capable. She also worked well in a team. She became very annoyed if somebody else questioned the way that she operated. Her energy levels were somewhat inhibited, her self-confidence reduced, and her ambitions restricted through fear of failure. Times of strength and weakness alternated within her. Even though her decision-making ability could be ineffectual through over-caution, she often seemed to be placed in situations where a quick decision was needed. When she succeeded, it was mainly through her own efforts. She also showed a tendency towards wanting to start at the top, wanting to avoid the hard work that gets you there.

She belonged to a generation with a rational and logical attitude to life. There was a conflict between tradition and convention, and the experimental and unconventional. As an individual, she had to learn to strike a balance between the erratic and the conventional. As a member of this generation, she had the ability to come up with original ideas which could be of practical value. She was part of a very artistically talented and creative generation that wanted to escape from the demands of the world around them into a world of excitement and glamour. She was part of an emotionally sensitive generation that was extremely conscious of the domestic environment and the atmosphere surrounding her home place and home country. In fact, she could be quite nostalgic about her homeland, religion and traditions, often seeing them in a romantic light. She felt a degree of escapism from everyday reality, and was very sensitive to the moods of those around her. Bow embodied all of these Cancer Neptunian ideals. As a Gemini Plutonian, she was mentally restless and willing to examine and change old doctrines, ideas and ways of thinking. As a member of this generation, she showed an enormous amount of mental vitality, originality and perception. Traditional customs and taboos were examined and rejected for newer and more original ways of doing things. As opportunities with education expanded, she questioned more and learned more. As a member of this generation, having more than one occupation at a time would not have been unusual to her.

Love/sex life: It wasn’t easy to be passionate and emotionally explosive and also hold on to her dignity, but this was what she wanted to accomplish. She tried to conceal the pulsating softness of her sexual nature behind a façade of control and bluster. She thought that her display of strength and jolly self-confidence would hide her vulnerability and her susceptibility to virtually any sexual diversion. Of course, no one was really buying this cover up. They saw the luscious edges of her erotic hunger peeking through her disguise. That’s why they were all so anxious to be around her. The biggest problem in her sex life was how to deal with change. She loved it and she hated it. She loved following the lead of her feelings and surrendering herself to the moment. Too much consistency, even loving consistency, was apt to leave her bored and dissatisfied. But she also saw change as a threat to her sense of control and to the emotional security that she valued so highly. Because of this duality in her thinking, her reaction to changes in her sex life was abrupt, contradictory, and (horror of horrors) a little undignified.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Gemini

Lilith: Libra

Vertex: Scorpio

Fortune: Gemini

East Point: Gemini

Her North Node in Gemini dictated that she needed to prevent her idealism from influencing her thoughts to such a high degree. She needed to consciously develop a more clear-minded and analytical approach involving her thought processes. Her Lilith in Libra was definitely working overtime here. Relationships somehow caused her to err, and her partner choices caused much suffering.   She expressed herself through others. As a lover, she was aggressive, yet co-dependent. As a mistress, she was not above trying to cause a divorce, which she did with Johnny Weissmuller and she ultimately became fatally despondent when she found herself pregnant with a bit actor's baby. She used her good looks as a weapon to help her get ahead in the movie industry. Also, Lilith in Libra strangely enough, manifested itself as a sort of lighter female Capricorn archetype, and she pulled herself up by the bootstraps in a rather glamorous way, going to work after her father left the family unit. As such, she exhibited graceful gumption right until the very end. Her Vertex in Scorpio, 5th house dictated that she had a desire or continual need for feeling irresistible and irreplaceable on all levels of intimacy, whether spiritual, intellectual, emotional, or physical. From the fires of hell to the heights of heaven, the  further and deeper the range of interaction she could experience with another the more fulfilling. She had a childlike orientation, in all of its manifestations, toward relationships on an internal level. That implicit trust, or perhaps naivete, that was instilled in our  childhood persisted far into maturity. The concomitant explosions and  occasional tantrums when these constructs are violated also accompany  this position. She had a need for fun, creativity, and excitement in a  committed relationship, no matter how many years it has endured. She often had deep fears, typical of children, of abandonment, as well as a need for universal acceptance, no matter how she acted, which she needed her partner to respect and nurture, rather than rebuke, especially in adulthood. Her Part of Fortune in Gemini and Part of Spirit in Sagittarius dictated that her destiny lay in travel, education and communication. She was able to overcome enemies by her words and by her writing. Happiness and fulfillment came from being able to express herself fully. Her soul’s purpose lay in seeking truth, justice and fairness. She felt spiritual connections and saw the spark of the divine when she studied, broadened her mind through new philosophies, or looked for inspiration outside the home. East Point in Gemini dictated that she was often insatiably curious and loved to collect little bits of (what seemed to be useless) information and trivia. Her interests were quite varied, and she may have been somewhat scattered. Sometimes her curiosity could appear cold and callous as her level of objectivity was potentially high. There was usually an openness to learning in any situation.      

elemental dominance:

water

fire

She had high sensitivity and elevation through feelings. Her heart and  her emotions were her driving forces, and she couldn’t do anything on earth if she didn’t feel a strong effective charge. She  needed to love in order to understand, and to feel in order to take action, which caused a certain vulnerability which she should (and often did) fight against. She was dynamic and passionate, with strong leadership ability. She generated enormous warmth and vibrancy. She was exciting to be around, because she was genuinely enthusiastic and usually friendly. However, she could either be harnessed into helpful energy or flame up and cause destruction. Ultimately, she chose the latter. Confident and opinionated, she was fond of declarative statements such as “I will do  this” or “It’s this way.” When out of control—usually because she was  bored, or hadn’t been acknowledged—she was bossy, demanding, and even tyrannical. But at her best, her confidence and vision inspired others  to conquer new territory in the world, in society, and in themselves.    

modality dominance:

mutable

She wasn’t particularly interested in spearheading new ventures or dealing with the day-to-day challenges of organization and management. She excelled at performing tasks and producing outcomes. She was flexible and liked to finish things. Was also likely undependable, lacking in initiative, and disorganized. Had an itchy restlessness and an unwillingness to buckle down to the task at hand. Probably had a chronic inability to commit—to a job, a relationship, or even to a set of values.                    

house dominants:

2nd

3rd

1st

The material side of life  including money and finances, income and expenditure, and worldly goods was emphasized in her life. Also the areas of innate resources, such as her self-worth, feelings and emotions were paramount in her life. What she considered her personal security and what she desired was also paramount. Short journeys, traveling within her own country were themes  throughout her life; her immediate environment, and relationships with her siblings, neighbours and friends were of importance. The way her mental processes operated, as well as the manner and style in which she communicated was emphasized in her life. As such, much was revealed about her schooling and childhood and adolescence. Her personality, disposition and temperament is highlighted in her life. The manner in which she expressed herself and the way she approached other people is also highlighted. The way she approached new situations and circumstances contributed to show how she set about her life’s goals. The general state of her health is also shown, as well as her early childhood experiences defining the rest of her life.  

planet dominants:

Neptune

Mercury

Sun

She was of a contemplative nature, particularly receptive to ambiances, places, and people. She gladly cultivated the art of letting go, and allowed the natural unfolding of events to construct her world. She followed her inspirations, for better or for worse. She was intellectual, mentally quick, and had excellent verbal acuity. She dealt in terms of logic and reasoning. It was likely that she was left-brained. She was restless, craved movement, newness, and the bright hope of undiscovered terrains. She had vitality and creativity, as well as a strong ego and was authoritarian and powerful. She likely had strong leadership qualities, she definitely knew who she was, and she had tremendous will. She met challenges and believed in expanding her life.

sign dominants:

Cancer

Gemini

Leo

At first meeting, she seemed enigmatic, elusive. She needed roots, a place or even a state of mind that she could call  her own. She needed a safe harbor, a refuge in which to retreat for solitude. She was generally gentle and kind, unless she was hurt. Then she could become vindictive and sharp-spoken. She was affectionate, passionate, and even possessive at times. She was intuitive and was  perhaps even psychic. Experience flowed through her emotionally. She was often moody and always changeable; her interests and social circles shifted constantly. She was emotion distilled into its purest form. She ventured out to see what else was there and seized upon new ideas that expanded her community. Her innate curiosity kept her on the move. She used her rational, intellectual mind to explore and understand her personal world. She needed to answer the single burning question in her mind: why? This applied to most facets of her life, from the personal to the impersonal. This need to know sent her off to foreign countries, where her need to explore other cultures and traditions ranked high. She was changeable and often moody. This meant that she was often at odds with herself—the mind demanding one thing, the heart demanding the opposite. To someone else, this internal conflict often manifested as two very different people. She loved being the center of attention and often surrounded herself with admirers. She had an innate dramatic sense, and life was definitely her stage. Her flamboyance and personal magnetism extended to every facet of her life. She wanted to succeed and make an impact in every situation. She was, at her best, optimistic, honorable, loyal, and ambitious.      

Read more about her under the cut.

Lupe Velez was born on July 18, 1908, in San Luis Potosi, Mexico, as Maria Guadalupe Villalobos Velez. She was sent to Texas at the age of 13 to live in a convent. She later admitted that she wasn't much of a student because she was so rambunctious. She had planned to become a champion roller skater, but that would change. Life was hard for her family, and Lupe returned to Mexico to help them out financially. She worked as a salesgirl for a department store for the princely sum of $4 a week. Every week she would turn most of her salary over to her mother, but she kept a little for herself so she could take dancing lessons. With her mature shape and grand personality, she thought she could make a try at show business, which she figured was a lot more glamorous than dancing or working as a salesclerk. In 1924 Lupe started her show business career on the Mexican stage and wowed audiences with her natural beauty and talent. By 1927 she had emigrated to Hollywood, where she was discovered by Hal Roach, who cast her in a comedy with Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. Douglas Fairbanks then cast her in his feature film The Gaucho (1927) with himself and wife Mary Pickford. Lupe played dramatic roles for five years before she switched to comedy. In 1933 she played the lead role of Pepper in Hot Pepper (1933). This film showcased her comedic talents and helped her to show the world her vital personality. She was delightful. In 1934 Lupe appeared in three fine comedies: Strictly Dynamite (1934), Palooka (1934) and Laughing Boy (1934). By now her popularity was such that a series of "Mexican Spitfire" films were written around her. She portrayed Carmelita Lindsay in Mexican Spitfire (1940), Mexican Spitfire Out West (1940), The Mexican Spitfire's Baby (1941) and Mexican Spitfire's Blessed Event (1943), among others. Audiences loved her in these madcap adventures, but it seemed at times that she was better known for her stormy love affairs. She married one of her lovers, Johnny Weissmuller, but the marriage only lasted five years and was filled with battles. Lupe certainly did live up to her nickname. She had a failed romance with Gary Cooper, who never wanted to wed her. By 1943 her career was waning. She went to Mexico in the hopes of jump-starting her career. She gained her best reviews yet in the Mexican version of Naná (1944). Bolstered by the success of that movie, Lupe returned to the US, where she starred in her final film as Pepita Zorita, Ladies' Day (1943). There were to be no others. On December 13, 1944, tired of yet another failed romance, with a part-time actor named Harald Maresch, and pregnant with his child, Lupe committed suicide with an overdose of Seconal. She was only 36 years old. (x)

[the8gates]

Naruto Characters and What Music I Think They Would Listen To Pt.1

Naruto

-You know those popular boys from school? The emoji tracksuit kids that like dunked on you when you walked through a door?

-Those vibes

-He listens to almost exclusively mainstream rap. It has to be 🔥🔥🔥 ya know? 

-Always talking about the new Drake album or the new Kanye album. LOVES Chance the Rapper and Childish Gambino i just see it in his eyes. 

Sasuke

-This fuckin guy

-See, my knee jerk reaction is like your emo classics. Pierce the Veil, MCR, Linkin Park. Screamo. Metal. 

-But no. We have similar temperaments and I think that kind of music would actually irritate him. 

-I think he’s emo but more mainstream soundcloud rapper emo. Lil Peep, $UICIDEBOY$, Lil Uzi Vert. LOVES XXXTentacion.

-Post screenshots of what he’s listening to on his snapchat story and you just know the boy is going THROUGH it.

Sakura

-OKAY so HERE is your rock and roll/metal baddie!!!

-hear me out. when she’s young its all pop. like y2k pop with R&B leanings. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce, etc. you get the idea

-but after training under Tsundae she picks up rock. starts with some classic rock at first, then slowly progresses. 

-this girl loves Metallica and Black Sabbath. she just loves rock. Zeppelin, AC/DC, Five Finger Death Punch. All of it. I will not be taking any criticism. 

-windows down in the car, headbanging always. 

Kakashi

-this one is a little difficult to nail down

-a part of me just wants to throw him in the pool of doesn't really care and will listen to anything

-i think he’s got a different playlist for every mood

-R&B sexy playlist with the Weeknd and some Justin Timberlake (yes he thinks that's sexy), soft sad boy hours playlist with Post Malone and Russ, a party mix with some your standard frat boy bops.

-overall, he listens to a lot of popular music

Yamato/Tenzou

-another tough one to nail down!!!

-i truly think Yamato is a man of all tastes as well

-however.... i get country music vibes???

-not like new, pop, country. but the classics. Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton.

-he also likes jazz! and big band/swing. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin. What i would refer to as whiskey drinkin music. kinda classy and fun

Sai

-girl

-i truly do not know

-the man is an enigma

-i think once he joins team 7 and kinda strays away from the foundation he’s gonna be all about trying new stuff

-so one day he’s listening to Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran and Ariana Grande. Radio pop, entry level shit

-and the next time you see him its songs he heard on tiktok exclusively

-eventually he’s down a rabbit hole, consuming music in mass quantities and he’s into Crystal Castles and Grimes. Then next week its Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. Then it’s Judas Priest and Guns N Rose. 

-everyone just gives up trying to keep track

Shikamaru

-oh its male manipulator music ALLLL DAY

-tame impala, mac demarco, the front bottoms, arctic monkeys, modern baseball, the smiths

-you get the idea

-dont necessarily think he's the ‘male manipulator’ type but he’s def the edgy smoking cigs and listening for the lyrics type

-i don't have to go into detail here you know I'm right

Ino 

-see, her and Sakura go down similar paths

-she started off with the y2k bubblegum pop phase but her progression is a little more understandable

-shes your typical indie (except they aren't really indie) pop darling. Lana Del Rey, Lorde, Marina and Diamonds, Melanie Martinez, the 1975.

-what I'm saying is she was definitely on tumblr in 2014 and just never moved past that phase (did any of us tbh)

-as time goes on though she starts to branch out a lil. loves the mainstream women of rap! Cardi B, Megan thee Stallion, Nicki Minaj, Doja Cat. constantly bopping

Choji

-i couldn't find any gifs of this cutie smiling and that's a crime i want addressed RIGHT NOW

-but music wise?? i mean he’s a sweetheart right?? genuinely likes pop music! Ed Sheeran, Maroon 5, Katy Perry. HUGE Bruno Mars fan surprisingly 

-i can see him just bopping his head along to the radio, just vibing and not being picky. loves a good ballad. Sam Smith, John Legend.

-hes just having a good time 

Hinata

-queen of yearning and pining

-girl in red, mitski, HOZIER

-i feel like her playlist just looks like someone let a closeted queer girl put it together

-ABBA, St. Vincent, Florence + the Machine

-also just soft pop vibes. she’s defo posting sunset videos with the Lumineer’s playing in the background. HEAVY cottage core inspo

Shino

-here is your true emo king

-the trinity of course. P!ATD, MCR, Fallout Boy

-then Twenty One Pilots, Paramore, GORRILAZ

-he gives me also like art kid vibes as he gets older? Weezer, Wallows, Cage the Elephant. you know the type

Kiba

-kinda smilar to Naruto tbh

-but it HAS to be FIRE. no sad music! bass turned up and LOUD always

-i feel like he even went through a dubstep phase. 

-hes the guy in the mcdonalds drive thru ‘you know what I'm here for’ *blasts Sicko Mode* 

-some stand out faves are Travis Scott, Tyler, the Creator, Kendrick Lamar, Freddie Dredd

-he’s actually pretty cool tbh

Rock Lee

-yall ever been to a football game and they play the same hype songs over and over? ever seen a workout montage in an 80s movie?

-thats this boy. he’s just constantly listening to workout playlists. Eye of the Tiger, Livin’ on a Prayer, Welcome to the Jungle

-outside of that, i would think some of his favorite artists would be things Gai would listen to. Billy Joel, Bon Jovi, the BEASTIE BOYS, Foreigner, Aerosmith

-what I'm trying to say is he listens to the same music ur dad listens to

Neji

-fucking music SNOB

-’you've probably never heard of them’ headass

-and then its like the strokes or vampire weekend or some shit jfc

-male manipulator music part two but 100% fits the stereotype. hes gonna leave you on read and then cry to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 

-some standout favorites are the Pixies, Neutral Milk Hotel, alt-J.

-likes some other stuff too. The White Stripes, The Black Keys, some Beck.

-decent taste if he wasn't such an a-hole about it!

Tenten

-ya know what

-hyper pop. 100 gecs, Charli XCX, CMten, SOPHIE, Slayyyter, A.G. Cook. 

-i would say she started off kinda like Ino, the 2014 tumblr pop stuff

-then that just got to be too boring. so now she's riding the wave of the super new age stuff. 

-neji fucking HATES it and grumbles all the time about ‘its just noise, how can you stand that’ and it only makes her like it more. 

[yinyanchan]

Housemates x Zoot Suit Riot Crossover: Lucky and Strike part 2

Last part of the crossover. I will be trying to do one from what happened to Blue and Orange on the otherside but please enjoy Lucky and Strikes shennanigans! Also there is a bit of a teaser for a couple of skeletons not yet introduced in Zoot Suit Riot. Merica and Spirit. Dusttale Mafia Sans and Papyrus. Cigarrette brand American Spirit.

Under the Cut!

This was going to be a lot harder than they thought.

One thing for sure as they look at eachother… Nook possibly knows the truth but is deciding to stay out of it. He’s a Papyrus after all… far more clever than they let on.

They go the direction Nook had pointed out earlier and sure enough Lucky opens a door that looks to be Oranges and Strike opens the door that screams Blue. Well at least they knew where “their” rooms were. Now came time to plan… but as it seems… Maybe these guys were pushovers in this timeline. Other than the horror brothers… Can they confess to outright murdering? And for fun at times?

This wasn’t the dog eat dog atmosphere they were used to… It seemed like they all got along under one roof here. Not to mention… there was another you.

One so willing to give physical affection that Lucky had been striving for since he had arrived in the other “Original” Sans world… only this one wasn’t ripe with gangsters and rife with Mafia undertones.

Strike was in his own little world as well. Apparently debating their options as well as he hummed. They could play along for a bit and see how it goes. So what if Red “knew” they could pass it off as a dare gone bad.

Both smirked at one another as they came to the same conclusion.

Great minds think alike.

They were going to test this world out and see how open this world’s Y/N would be to being with them. Not that they didn’t like the other you… they were pretty fond of you as well but there hasn’t been a chance to really get to know you and you had your guard up a lot.

This you was different. Far more open it seemed… It made them feel bad that in the times they had been with the other you… the other you had never smiled that big… as if something was constantly on your mind and it was a heavy burden.

The more they thought about the other you… they found they actually missed you.

“You think she misses us?” Lucky looks down and Strike is floored with his older brother's question.

“Dunno we were quite the handful.” Strike chuckles but even doubt was in his soul as well. Lucky had never questioned the consequences before. They always happened whether they were good or bad. They were an inevitable outcome.

Strike could only stare in awe as he sees his brother briefly look so vulnerable.

“What if… what if she does and we can’t get back?”

Both didn’t want to answer Lucky’s question… they already knew they’d be stuck… The machinery here was far more advanced than Strike had ever worked with… seeing as he had to use scrap from the dump to make his. Yet he recognizes how modern tech works… just not the inner workings just yet.

“Then I guess our soulmate here will do… yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

The silence was awkward… even for them.

They both went to what was their rooms to search a few things and get situated. Probably wouldn’t take this world's Sans long after Red found him. Strike was hard up on information but Lucky at least found a journal that Blue kept that would provide a lot of useful tidbits. They then both reconvened into Blue’s room for a quick briefing as sure enough…

*knock knock*

“Hey, M’lord says dinner is ready. We’re just waitin’ on everyone ta get home.” Clueing in on the voice and the m’lord… That must be Russ.

“He also asks why ya didn’t come down ta help him but he then said ya were traumatized by Orange’s laundry.” They heard him snicker as the door pops open a little and there is a skeleton that looks like Mild. Yet wearing almost similar attire to the one they knew as Red. They watch as he stretches his lanky body with a yawn. Gold fang glittering in the light.

“Heh, one things fer sure Orange is at least ya don’t have ta put up wit wearin’ a security uniform… thems the pits.” Then his lazy gaze sharpens when he notices Lucky and Orange look at him in shocked almost fear… or anger… Russ wasn’t sure but it wasn’t something he was used to seeing from either skeleton unless it was something they thought was wrong.

“Ya two ok?” He asks and both skeletons seem to loosen themselves a bit and even though they had the laid back and cheerful disposition… they were still a bit tense.

“ARMED SECURITY?” Lucky asks with a grin.

“What the? No Blue. They don’t let me walk around the school campus wit a gun. I’m not a police officer.” Russ looks helpless as to why now Blue would even ask that.

“Yeah he’s not feelin’ all there after finding a sweet stash I had in my pockets that I… may have forgotten about… for longer than I care to mention.” Strike snickers and pats Lucky’s skull. It eases the more taller skeleton but the feeling that something was off was still there.

“Right… well I’m goin’ down ta get a good spot next to Darlin’.” With a wave he exits, shutting the door behind him.

Lucky instantly is growling.

“Damn rivals… no matter where we fucking go.” Lucky flings the journal back onto the desk and then back flops on the bed. Strike shakes his head.

“Guess we gotta go to dinner.” Strike heads his way to the door.

“Think it wise?” Lucky glares at him then wistfully gets up as his brother lifts a brow.

“I think it would be unwise not to.” Strike counters and they both put on their best game faces and make their way out.

As they turn to go down the other flight of stairs that was nearby… there was another skeleton they hadn’t seen… well in this world… before.

Kentucky as they knew him… his brother was Twist… well in this world this must be Axe. Nook's older brother.

He was just standing there leaning his back up against the hallway wall… his gaze not leaving them as they exited.

“HI AXE! HOW ARE YOU?” Luck does his bright and bubbly routine and Strike lazily waves with a grin.

Axe’s hollow smile dims slightly then stretches widely. His eye light narrowed in his skull. He chuckles and then kicks himself off the wall and ambles down the stairs. Once they were sure he was out of earshot.

“I don’t understand… I’ve read the journal and I’m definitely nailing the peppy persona… yet it’s like he knew instantly.” Lucky whispers over to Strike.

“Maybe Nook talked to him about us.” They both eyed each other then raised their guard before slapping on their persona attitudes.

As soon as they entered the kitchen…

“THERE YOU ARE! I HAD TO HELP IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE YOU ARE TO BUSY SLACKING! JUST WHAT I WANTED TO DO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK.” Was a tall and fearsome skeleton, yet definitely not their Swisher… this must be Edge. Swisher was tall, dark, and more importantly silent.

They looked at the table and everyone was there… including Red that was sitting by the one they took as the original Sans at the head of the table. His brother Papyrus was sitting on the other side reading a book.

“OH COME ON EDGE! IT WAS REVOLTING… I NEEDED SOME SPACE.” Lucky puts on his best puppy dog eyes and Edge scoffs.

“EXCUSES!!!” Edge fires back and brings a loaded serving dish to the table along with Berry.

“So… ya gonna do Red’s laundry I take it?” Strike smirks as Edge blanches and almost gags. It took everything for Lucky not to laugh, having been in said person's room, but instead give Strike a cross look. Strike pulls off a shrug as Lucky pretends to give that scolding gaze.

“FAIR ENOUGH.” Edge groans and motions for them to take a seat. You were already seated with Russ beside you and there was a vacant seat beside you. Lucky was eyeing it until Red growled and moved to sit next to you. Leaving everyone a little puzzled but Red was Red.

So Strike took the seat next Sans and Lucky took a seat next to Papyrus. Sans nods at Strike and Papyrus instantly latches onto Lucky’s attention. Showing off what was surely a courtship guide.

The meal was going great save for Red not really eating and his gaze constantly going back and forth between Lucky and Strike.

After dinner and dessert… which Lucky merrily ate seconds…

Sans clears his throat to gain everyone's attention.

“Now that everyone is settled and fed… elephant in the room… Who are you two and where’s Blue and Orange?” Sans scowls… Lucky and Strike freeze and just look at him in disbelief.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Lucky plays up his innocent act and anyone who didn’t know him personally could instantly be fooled with it.

“Yeah… not buying it.” Axe snickers.

“What were ya two fucks doin’ in my room?” Red growls.

“Language!” Berry fires at him but then… he turns to look at Lucky strangely as if waiting for Lucky to say something. When Lucky looked around they were all looking at him like he had grown two heads for being silent. Strike was trying to hide the fact he was starting to sweat… normally he’s good under pressure but usually because he’s got the upper hand… not so here.

Even you were looking at him oddly.

Sans set on a table a black with a little blue bowler hat on the table.

“MY BOWL…. I MEAN A BOWLER HAT!!! THATS NEAT.” Strike groans… Lucky loves that hat and has gone through death, gore, and destruction if it ever falls off. As everyone eyes him curiously.

“SERIOUSLY! I LIKE A TYPE OF HAT AND I'M A BAD GUY!? A SKELETON LIKE ME CAN ADMIRE THINGS… BESIDES I THINK IT SUITS ME.” He pouts.

“I’m gonna ask ya again. What tha fuck were ya doin’ in my room.” Red growls and glares at Berry as he looks to yell at him again for his language. Berry actually backs off with how serious Red is taking this.

“Blue said they had found one of your shirts in the dryer and he was returning it. Right Blue?” You ask even though you seemed very wary of this situation.

“Oh yeah? Where'd ya put it because I didn’t find shit.” He smacks his hands down on the table and raises himself to look at Lucky.

“LIKE I’D WANT TO ACTUALLY TOUCH ANYTHING IN YOUR ROOM. IT’S YOUR FAULT YOU CAN’T FIND IT.” Lucky glares back.

“SPEAKING OF COULDN’T FIND… YOU WEREN’T ABLE TO FIND YOUR OWN ROOMS AND THEN BLAMED IT ON A ROGUE SOCK.” Nook pipes up and Axe snickers.

“Also didn’t think ya guys liked my jokes.” Axe leers.

Lucky and Strike seem taken aback by how much these skeletons communicated.

“As fer not touching my stuff… Where is it?” Red scowls eyeing both Lucky and Strike. Strike seems to realize something very important, Lucky had pocketed something, he shoots his brother a ‘you didn’t!” look but Lucky was busy playing the part of the innocent.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.” Lucky looks absolutely puzzled… Strike could only wonder what it was… The only thing Lucky had picked up was the magazine but tossed it when he thought he was caught.

Then Red does something that shocks everyone.

He pulls out said magazine and slaps on the table in front of Lucky. The cover sporting a fully nude woman giving a come hither look. There were gasps all around the table and you were blushing like mad.

“JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST!!!! THERE IS A LADY PRESENT YOU FUCKING DAFT CUNT!!!!” Lucky screams as he grabs the magazine and throws it away from your view. As he turns back everyone is slack jawed looking at him save for Red. Strike face palms as this world’s Sans turns to look at him.

“Give me back my centerfold ya damn creepy imposter!!! I know one of ya has it!” He turns his glare at Strike but he’s shaking his head.

“For fucks sake Lucky! You took the man's centerfold!?” Strike glares at his brother. Red puffs out his chest in pride knowing they had been caught.

“DAMMIT STRIKE!!! I TOLD YOU THAT I FELT JIPPED BECAUSE WE HAD NOTHING THAT SHOWED EVEN A SLIVER OF SKIN. THIS SHOWS EVERYTHING!!!!” Lucky reaches in the battle body and flips out the centerfold, that landed open for all to see. Lucky pauses and then turns to you sheepishly.

“I am so sorry… a lady like yourself shouldn’t have heard or seen any of that. My lady, I apologize.” Lucky is actually blushing and apologizing. That was a new one for Strike.

“MY WORD SANS… IT DOES SHOW EVERYTHING.” Papyrus blushes and Sans looks ballistic.

Berry is catatonic from the foul language as well as the lewd imagery. Russ seems bewildered at what to do. Looking around at his brother, the centerfold, then at you.

Edge is glaring at his proud brother.

“THIS IS WHY I TRY NOT TO GO IN YOUR ROOM. THIS IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF.” Edge growls at Red who then looks sheepish himself.

Nook and Axe are still eating their dessert merrily. Pretty much enjoying the show.

“Get. it. Off. the. Table. N o w.” Sans bellows his sockets become voids and Red grabs it and instantly stuffs it inside his jacket.

Once it is off the table Berry seems to reboot leaving Russ to sigh in relief.

“Strike and Lucky is it?” Sans growls.

They look over at him nervously.

“WHERE IS BLUE AND ORANGE?” Papyrus glares and they instantly freeze. Papyrus is the very serious boss attitude where they came from and he didn’t pull punches either.

“W-Well you see Papyrus all of a sudden we got thrown here in these clothes!” Strike immediately says, as Lucky glares.

“Stool pigeon.” Lucky gripes.

“Lucky!!! This is not the time! Look, we didn’t know what to think! We come from a very harsh environment alright? We are from the world of gangsters, hit men, Mafia. Hell our nicknames are after a cigarette brand called Lucky Strike. Same with all of you sitting here… save for the original Sans and Papyrus.” Strike holds his hand up. He knows when things get real and when to bow out. Lucky never knows when to quit.

“We just want to go back home but we didn’t want to say anything because we didn’t know who we were dealing with.” Strike sighs and then glares at Lucky who sighs as well.

“Your guys must’ve been pulled through to our side… SHIT… STRIKE IF THEY WERE PULLED TO THAT TIMELINE THEY’D BE EATEN ALIVE!!!” Lucky comes to the realization that leaving more kinder souls with the rough mafia types would be trouble.

Sans stands up.

“Let’s go.” Sans rallies the other skeletons and as you get up he halts you.

“Kiddo, that machine is dangerous. We know what it can do with skeletons. Just not humans.” He warns and you sigh, having to stay behind.

“It was nice to meet another you, honeybun.” Strike pats your head.

“Though it was a little too brief… we miss our Y/N.” Lucky says shyly and you hug both of them.

“I know Blue and Orange… and if you’re their counterparts… You can’t be all bad.” You say with a smile making them blush as you let them go.

The pull making them want to stay longer until Berry places the bowler hat on Lucky’s head.

“I WANT BLUE BACK. I MISS MY PARTNER IN KEEPING THINGS SANE AROUND HERE.” Berry huffs.

All the skeletons quickly made their way to the basement and to the machine. Sans goes over the records and quickly types in buttons as the other skeletons ask the pair questions.

Answering what they could about their homelife, the type of guns they prefered with their magic… The whirring of the machine caught everyone’s attention.

Bright light enveloped them and Blue and Orange came stumbling out in suits. As soon as they see everyone they run for hugs… even Orange.

“I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE ANY OF YOU AGAIN!!!” Blue wails and Orange whispers thank yous.

Then they turned and looked at their doubles. 

“YOU TWO ARE TROUBLE.” Blue glares.

“AND YOU TWO ARE TOO NICE.” Lucky glares back with a smirk.

“They knew instantly we were not you two and they almost tried to kill us when we asked honey questions.”

“Yeah… about that… she still doesn’t know about the machine… still thinks we’re cousins and all that bs.” Strike snickers.

“Yet it seems this Sans has told the truth which is commendable.” Lucky nods.

“ACTUALLY THAT WAS OUR BAD.” Nook pipes up.

“Yep.” Axe concurs.

“Right… seems to be Kentucky and Twist's goal as well, if they can get to her that is. Oh and they are mafia versions of you two.” Lucky points at Nook and Axe.

Then they look worried…

“Has there been an Merica or a Spirit here?” Strike asks nervously.

They all look at him questioningly.

“A FUCKED UP PSYCHO OF A SANS AND A GHOSTLY FLOATING PAPYRUS HEAD!?” Lucky informs.

They all looked puzzled but shook their heads no.

“Thank yer lucky stars. Keep the machine off.” Strike warns.

Soon they swap their attires with each other. Lucky revelling being back in his suit while Strike seems to miss what he was wearing.

The machine is ready as Sans motions them to get ready to head back.

Lucky then approaches Blue and places a hand on his shoulder. Leaning his skull in with a wry smile.

“Take good care of our soulmate here and we will take good care of ours back… home.” Lucky says with a shy smile still clasping Blue’s shoulder.

With a pat on Blue’s shoulder Lucky then walks to join his brother as the light of the machine begins to get brighter, about to send them both back where they belonged.

“Soulmate?” Blue questions making both Lucky and Strike falter.

As the whirring got louder Lucky let out a string of curses before.

“ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH YOUR SOULMATE THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME AND YOU NEVER KNEW!!!? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL…” His rant is cut off as the machine sucks them back to their world.

All the skeletons look at one another and begin blushing.

Except Axe.

He laughs and they all look at him.

“What? Explains a lot don’t it?” He smirks then leaves the others to ponder on it. Then blush even more as they had noticed that they did indeed seem to gravitate towards you.

[scribbling-stiks]

Retrievers - XI - Explanations

Russia cries, and his mouth no longer cooperated to say any recognizable words. Russia shakes and squints his eyes shut. He rubs his face, frantically babbling, trying to convey his apologies. He faintly sees most of the states shuffle out, but finds that it doesn't matter.

"Russia?" America asks.

Russia blubbers, opening his eyes to look at America.

"Hey, Russ?" Delaware asks.

Russia turns around and sees Delaware standing against the now-closed bedroom door. His arms are crossed, but he doesn't look angry, just sad. Russia looks away, his heart sinking in his chest.

'Did I make it worse?'

Russia opens his mouth to apologize again, but America beats him to it, putting a finger over his mouth.

"Shh, it's okay. I don't know what's going on, but you don't have to apologize to me," America promises.

"But you're hurt and I-"

"Rue," America mumbles breathlessly, his eyes wide with horror.

"Yeah, sorry Russia. In the chaos, no one really told you what was happening," Delaware says, rubbing the back of his neck, "but it wasn't your fault."

"But I-"

"Russia," America says, brushing tears off Russia's cheek, "this isn't your fault."

Russia goes quiet, biting his tongue to keep any more apologies from spilling from his broken heart.

"You didn't hurt me. Not like that," America says, leaning back on some pillows with a wince, "it wasn't you I was scared of."

"What are you talking about?" Russia asks confusion clouding his already wrecked mental state.

"Dad had some not great partners in the past. And when I and the rest of the thirteen were young, it was ugly," Delaware says, a scowl set into his tired face.

"Meri?" Russia asks.

America doesn't reply. He looks away with an embarrassed stare locked onto the sheets.

"I'm going to tell you about it downstairs with the rest of the older states," Delaware says, "if they are still down there. Dad doesn't like to talk about it."

Russia glances at America, who is looking away with a pained look in his eye. Russia swallows nervously and nods. He excuses himself for a moment and rinses his face off before going downstairs.

He gets there and sees New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Virginia, and Georgia sitting on various seats around the living room. The other visiting countries had been moved into cots in bedrooms, Russia recalls.

Russia tentatively sits back in one of the armchairs. Maryland walks in and sits back, exhausted.

"This is everyone that's still awake," Maryland says, "Netti said they were going back to bed."

"Thanks, Mare-bear," Delaware says with a forced and tired grin.

"Only Dad is allowed to call me that," Maryland says, crossing her arms with a huff.

"Anyway," Georgia cuts in, her face formed in a scowl, "we need to tell Russ here what's going on."

"I thought I already knew," Russia says quietly.

The states whip around to stare at him, and he stares down at his hands.

"I hurt him. I took his eye," Russia whispers.

"Russ, that's not what this was about," Georgia says, her voice stiff and sure.

"Dad had bad experiences. He has this.... girlfriend," Delaware says, playing with his hands, "and she did not treat him, or us, very well. She did some bad things."

"Like what?" Russia asks curiously, careful of the glares most of the states wore at the mention of the relationship.

"She manipulated Dad constantly," Virginia growls, "used physical contact to extort him."

"She was only in it for the shit she could get out of Dad," New Jersey barks.

"He loved her and gave her so much. She had him sacrificing everything just to 'prove' to her that he loved her," Delaware says quietly, clenching his hands into fists, "but he didn't know any better. We were little, but we could see how much it was draining him."

"We hated her," New York says, a deep scowl on his face, "but Dad wanted to be with her, and we wanted him to be happy."

Russia's stomach twists and anger begins rushing through his body.

"She tried to take him from us. She tried to make him choose between her and us. We were 10 human years at most, and she almost got him to leave us."

"He didn't. He couldn't. But she snapped when he said he couldn't choose and.....  she punished him. Because she 'loved' him," Georgia mutters, her face set in a deep, malicious glare.

"Who did?" Russia hisses.

The states go quiet for a moment.

"Dad never wanted us to say," Delaware mutters.

"Who did it?" Russia repeats, rage burning the back of his throat.

"We can't tell you," Virginia says, exasperated, " Dad begged us not to because he was embarrassed, convinced it was somehow his fault."

Russia glares down at the floor before glancing back up.

"Why was he screaming?" Russia asks.

"Dad has night terrors when he gets stressed out," Delaware says, "We normally work together to try to wake him up and calm him down before he hurts himself. It hasn't happened in a long time, though he normally doesn't sleep enough for it to happen anyway."

Russia hums.

"Sorry we didn't explain earlier, but it wasn't you," Delaware says, "now we are going to head back to bed. You should probably do the same. Goodnight Russ."

"Wait," Russia says, "Maryland, are your hands okay?"

"What..? Oh, yeah. I've got most of the feeling back, so I'll be okay."

Russia nods and leans his head into his hands, his mind spinning with thoughts surrounding what they had told him.

'I should go make sure America is okay.'

Russia slowly rises, waving goodbye to a wary New York sitting on the couch. He wanders upstairs, his mind fuzzy. He peaks around the doorframe and sees America looking at him with a soft smile.

"Hi," America says.

"Hello," Russia says, walking inside and closing the door.

"Are you okay?" America asks.

Russia nods, trying to swallow the remaining feelings in his throat.

"You were really upset," America says softly, taking one of Russia's hands and playing with his fingers, "I'm sorry I freaked you out so bad. I didn't mean to."

"I'm sorry," Russia says quietly.

"You don't have to apologize," America says, "could you stay here with me?"

"If you want me to," Russia whispers.

"Of course. You make me happy."

"You told me my love hurt you," Russia mutters, uncertainty swirling in his head.

"Oh Baby, that wasn't for you. That wasn't about you," America says, looking away for a moment before meeting his eyes, "It was...I'm sure some of the thirteen already told you. It wasn't you. You... your love, your attention, makes me so happy. I love your company, and I love having you around. Please don't ever think I don't."

Russia's mind swirls. His heart swells, and a wide, shaky smile grows on his face.

"Really?"

"Of course!"

Russia laughs breathlessly, feeling giddy and relieved.

'Everything is really okay. Everything is okay. We're okay.'

"You make me happy too," Russia says.

"I sure hope so," America replies, a teasing smile on his face.

Russia giggles, then yawns.

"You should go back to sleep," America suggests.

"You should to," Russia replies.

"Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't want to wake you up again."

"Wake me up as much as you want, I don't mind," Russia promises, "I want to make sure you can take care of yourself."

"Only if you're sure," America replies.

Russia nods and shuffles under the blankets. America tries to shuffle down next to him and whines softly.

"Damn, I just want to lie down," America complains.

"Do you want some help?"

"If you don't mind."

Russia signs and sits up. He grabs America by his shoulder and hips and tugs him down flat onto the mattress. He grabs a few of the pillows he had been using and carefully props up America's braced leg. America sighs, letting his head fall to the side toward Russia.

"Thank you," America says with a smile.

"Are you comfortable?"

"As comfortable as I can be, I guess."

Russia lays back next to America and leans his head on his arm. He gently drapes his other arm over America's stomach. America hums and nuzzles Russia's forehead. Russia smiles, feeling lovestruck.

"I love you," America mumbles.

"I love you too," Russia replies quietly.

His heart's pieces begin to stitch themselves back together. He takes a deep breath and smiles at the scent. Russia relaxes a little and hums softly. His chest feels warm.

~ Next

Previous

Table of Contents

[fredfilmsblog]

FredFilms promises...

Creators first.

I've always believed that we owe you, our fans and now at FredFilms we all take it as gospel. We owe you our best work, of course. But beyond we examine everything about ourselves constantly, to assure ourselves and you that we’re trying to stay on the right track. To that end, whatever work I’ve done –whether it be in the music business, the network television business, and certainly, cartoons– has been done with making public promises that try and assure you that we’ll deliver.

To that end, I thought it would be good to print out a new set of our limited edition postcards to make the FredFilms promises completely clear. This one’s the first.

As throughout my entire cartoon career, and now at FredFilms, it’s been my  mission to let exceptional creators do their thing. We’re not in the business of micro-managing our creative talent. Instead, we seek out and nurture creators who have a story they need to tell and give them as much room as possible to tell it.. We go to festivals, art schools, comedy clubs, and explore the dustiest corners of the internet to find folks we know we have to work with.

We believe there are new stories to be told. 

We promise.

.....

It might seem extreme, but I thought it might be interesting to list all of the creators that have worked on my productions, starting in 1995 with What A Cartoon! at Hanna-Barbera and Cartoon Network in 1995. If you look at any of the 140 individual links (!) you’ll see that almost all of them have had estimable careers in cartoons or animation adjacent (comics, video games, VFX and the like). Some have created hit series with me, some without (sigh!) and some have become quite famous. One way or the other, they’ve all been amazing.

Raul Aguirre

Natasha Allegri

Robert Alvarez

Amy Anderson

Tex Avery

Ralph Bakshi

Joe  Barbera

Damien Barchowsky

Charlie Bean

Jerry Beck

D.R. Beitzel

Mike Bell

Tim Biskup

Bob Boyle

Chris “Spike” Brandt

Eric Bryan

Michelle Bryan

David Burd

Bill Burnett

Breehn Burns

Jaime Diaz

Angelo diNallo

Kyle A. Carrozza

Elyse Castro

Tony Cervone

Alison Cowles

David Cowles

Rick Delcarmen

Jeff DeGrandis

Andrew Dickman

John R. Dilworth

Davis Doi

Greg Eagles

Jerry Eisenberg

Warren Ellis

Greg Emison

John Eng

Jun Falkenstein

David Feiss

Eddie Fitzgerald

John Fountain  

Manny Galán

Dana Galin

James Giordano

Alan Goodman

Tom Gran

Mike Gray

Antoine Guilbaud

Bill Hanna

Meinert Hansen

Russ Harris

Butch Hartman

Andy Helm

Adam Henry

Bill Ho

Larry Huber  

Gabe Janisz  

George Johnson  

Don Jurwich

Kang yo-kong

Ken Kessel

Jiwook Kim

Alex Kirwan

Kevin Kolde

Grant Kolton

Erik Knutson

Dahveed Kolodny-Nagy

Diane Kredensor

Harvey Kurtzman  

Juris Lisovs

Seth MacFarlane

Steve Marmel

Miss Kelly Martin

Eugene Mattos

Craig McCracken

Jon McClenahan

John McIntyre

Harry McLaughlin

Dan Meth

Mike Milo

Zac Moncrief

Russell Mooney

Jesse Moynihan

Justin Moynihan

Adam Muto

Andre Nieves

Jeret Ochi

Joe Orrantia

Victor Ortado

Rory Panagotopulos

Paul Parducci

Van Partible

Lincoln Peirce

Jonni Phillips

Jason Plapp

Polygon Pictures

Bill Plympton

Carlos Ramos

Michael Rann

Russ Reiley

Christopher Reineman

Rob Renzetti

G. Brian Reynolds

John Reynolds

John Rice

Bill Riling

Mel Roach

Eric Robles

Mike Rosenthal

Jason Butler Rote

Jim Ryan

Fred Seibert

Seo jun-kyo

Don Shank

David Shute

Brent Sievers

Achiu So

Hamish Steele

Elizabeth Stonecypher

Jennifer Cho Suhr

Genndy Tartakovsky

Doug TenNapel

Aliki Theofilopoulos

Miles Thompson

Karl Toerge

Kate Tsang

Guy Vasilovich

Byron Vaughns

Joel Veitch

Pat Ventura

Anne Walker

Vincent Waller

Pendleton Ward

Dave Wasson

Mike Wellins

Melissa Wolfe

Martin Woolley

Jim Wyatt

Niki Yang

Carey Yost

.....

FredFilms Postcard Series 2.1

From the postcard back:

Congratulations! You are one of 75 people to receive this limited edition FredFilms postcard!

www.fredfilms.com

A FredFilms promise: Creators first.

FredFilms’ mission is to ‘put the right people in the room.’ By helping extraordinary creators we can produce innovative shows with enduring characters.

We know there a new stories to be told.

Executive producer: Fred Seibert

Series 2.1 [mailed out April 6, 2021]

[bisexualrights]

Alright, here we go. So...to those who don't know my name Courtney and I used to run a blog called Kaylessness (not the one you've seen around now, some people who don't know how to let go of the past took my old url and started using it) and I used to be """"well known"""" in the late night with cry and russ fandom (idk how else to put it). I joined in 2012 and stuck around till 2015 when I just got too busy with school. I was 15 when I joined the fandom and it completely ruined my high school years and has left me with so many unresolved issues and negative feelings.

During my time in the fandom I tried to kill myself 3 times. Two times landing in the hospital, one time stopped before it was too late by Scott Jund of all people. It took me 5 years to realize how mentally unhealthy the fandom had made me.

At the time I saw the connections I had with people in the fandom, the people in the streams and on Tumblr and all the stream mods I had somehow became friends with, as a positive thing. It wasn't until maybe a year or so ago that I began to really reflect on the "friendships" and "relationships" that I had that I realized how horribly those few years had affected me.

Being 15, 16, 17 having 3k followers, getting asks every day, having people make me wonderful fanart, having Cry and Scott reach out to me and care about me and praise all the energy I put into the support I showed them, being hated constantly by so many different people without ever really understanding what I was doing wrong, being messaged by and being in "relationships" with people 4, 5, 6 years older than me and put in positions I never saw any issue with, and most of all becoming so wrapped up in this idea of """"fame"""" that I had gained has severely damaged who I am now at almost 23.

While I never had a negative interaction with Cry, the fact that so many have disgusts me. To know that this man I blindly supported for nearly all my high school years, a man that created a community that (I thought) was safe for me, was doing the same things to girls my age that men his age were doing to me hurts more than I can describe.

I left the fandom on not the best terms and of my own volition, however I never stopped caring about it, I never stopped thinking about Cry and Russ and Scott and Raven and Bstar and Saku and Wit and Steph and Dafu and Kman and Kirby and Ricky and way too many other people to list. Despite the negative feelings I have about things that happened so many years ago, despite the things so many feel I did wrong back then, despite all those who worked so hard to hurt me, the Cryaotic fandom was my home and it meant so fucking much to me.

I'm so sorry to those who were hurt by Cry, you deserve so much love and goodness in your lives. To the fans who stuck around, just recently joined, or left long ago like me, it's okay to feel betrayed, confused, and/or hurt; I'm sure none of us know how to process all of this the "right" way.

Simply put, fuck that guy fuck those who let him get away with it

[danasmonster]

Comparing the SKAM Remakes: SANA (Part I)

Sana (SKAM original)

Sana is constantly having to defend and explain herself to others - her friends, her family, strangers. We see this with Vilde when she says Sana can’t have sex, and Sana clarifies that by explaining that she can have sex, she just chooses not to. There is also the assumption that Sana isn’t interested in boys or that she can’t participate in russefeiring “because she’s not ‘allowed’ to drink alcohol.” We see it with her parents when she has to explain to her mom that not all aspects of Islam fit her, and with her brother when she references him discouraging her from wearing a hijab in order to fit in more and avoid stigma. And finally, she explains during her season that she has experienced watching her brother being spit on, being asked racist questions, and other rude or hateful acts because she and her family are Muslim. 

The struggle to be both Norwegian and Muslim turns into a competition she gets lost in, and she ends up doing some very non-Muslim things like bully the Pepsi Max squad and lie in order to procure a russ bus. She also develops feelings for former Muslim and current atheist Yusef, which opens up an internal debate about the “Muslims only marry Muslims” rule.  

With all of her bitchiness, her prickliness, her rudeness and her mistakes, I still absolutely adore Sana. She is strong, outspoken, and takes absolutely no shit from anyone. Her story is so incredibly relevant to the world as a whole because of the way a lot of people view Islam or other “restrictive” aspects/sects of Christianity or other religions. It is a reminder that ultimately we should strive to love and understand each other, whether you are a theist or an atheist, a Muslim or a Norwegian. All is love. 

Everything I Love:

The opening scene with the contrast between Sana’s view from the bus with terrorist attacks and None of Dem by Robyn & Royksopp is so fun, & the look Sana gives the woman giving her a look over on the bus is pure Sana perfection 

The scene when Elias called Sana a slave woman and all of his friends gave him a verbal beatdown 

When we heard that Eskild was redecorating Noora’s room without her permission 

The Hot in Here scene with all the Balloon Squad working out while the girl squad ogles them, and the way Sana visibly snaps herself out of her trance. Also the shot of them coming up the street with a bunch of balloons to meet the girls is iconic

The way Yousef comes over to talk to Sana while she is over in the corner being a grump on the bus - I knew there was a reason she and Isak became friends. They’re both grumpy pants. 

When Sana catches Yousef dancing in her living room

The happy little look on her face when Yousef sends her a friend request on Facebook. She always smiles so freaking bright when she’s having fun with him

When Yousef showed off his carrot peeling skills

The way the Pepsi Max squad always has Pepsi 

When Yousef took the rap for the vodka left out at Sana’s party, then Sana was hit with a metaphorical brick when Yousef told her he isn’t Muslim. You could see the shock on her face, and now she is conflicted because “Muslims only marry Muslims” and she clearly has already developed feelings for Yousef

When Sana and Noora drink coffee and bask in their solidarity that Vilde and Magnus are gross

When Sana and Yousef play basketball together and we see her smile - we have NEVER seen her smile like that. And then they have a heart to heart about their individual religious beliefs and it is PURE GOLD

“I just feel like Islam, or religion in general, creates a lot of anxiety in people . . . I personally feel like I’ve taken the best out of the religion and thrown away the rest. It’s like, compassion towards others, being grateful for what’s best, having compassion. That’s it. Don’t you think I can remember to be a good person without praying?” - Yousef

“For me, everything can be total chaos during the day, but the moment I start to pray, everything turns quiet and clear. Because even though there’s all this chaos, you’ll remember what really matters. It’s fine because everything has a bigger context and a meaning. Because every little part of the universe is so complex. Imagine that! Even the brain of a cockroach has greater meaning on earth. I just can’t believe all of that is a coincidence,” - Sana

Her chat with Elias was also fantastic

“What’s more important, saying you believe in Allah or behaving as though you believe in Allah?” - Elias

Watching everyone join in during “Imagine” definitely almost had me tearing up - another song added to my playlist. Honestly this scene was so sweet and touching and then everything just came crashing down. It was intense. And Sana’s face just looked freaking broken. Then when she overheard that her suspicions about being pushed out of the group because she’s Muslim were correct it was like an extra stab through the heart

The scene where she’s walking through the schoolyard was excellent - very reminiscent of Isak’s similar scene, and another way in which the two of them parallel one another 

And this line is so, so true from Sana to Isak regarding why she never told Isak she knew Even before he met Isak

“I think Even should get to choose for himself how much he wants to share about his past. I mean, you might not want to share every thing about your past.”

When Sana and Jamilla have the conversation about all the different ways people fast, and Jamilla references her friend who won’t even swallow her own spit. So this friend goes around spitting all the time while she’s fasting. “She’s really confident about it, too.” 

Both Sana’s expression of how she thinks the world views her and Isak’s response are very powerful

Sana: “Do you know what people think when they see me, when they see my hijab, which is the first thing they see? They think I’m wearing it because I’m forced to, not because I want to. And if I say it’s because I want to, then I’m just oppressed because I can’t have my own opinion. We talk about freedom of religion and all kinds of freedoms here in Norway, but being allowed to wear an extra piece of clothing, that’s wrong? Do you know what people do when they see Elias and I walking down the street? They spit at him because they think he’s oppressing me! He doesn’t even want me to wear the hijab because he doesn’t want me to get hate. Do you know how fucking tiring it is to walk out the door everyday knowing it’s yet another day where you have to prove to a whole country that you’re not oppressed . . . I’ve received so many dumb, racist questions in my life.”

Isak: “The dumb questions are so fucking important. People can’t stop asking the dumb questions because when they stop asking the dumb questions they start making up their own answers. And that’s dangerous. You just have to stop looking for racism in dumb questions. Even if they feel racist, it’s so fucking important to answer them.”

The Los Losers bus definitely had me tearing up

When Linn admitted to sending a used tampon to someone who flirted with the boy she liked 

When we see Eskild picking up his guru mantle once more and he compares The Bible to Beyoncé . . . “The Bible says ‘The greatest of these is love’ or as Beyoncé would say ‘Love on top,’” while giving Sana advice

Noora’s face both when she saw William getting out of his car and when she got out of his after a four day sex and talk marathon

The conversation between Sana and her mom about why it is important for her to eventually marry someone who understands her beliefs and reminds her of them, not because she should be Muslim but because she chooses to be Muslim and she “would be very lonely if she were the only one in the relationship who believes.” So, whether or not she marries a nonbeliever or a non-Muslim is Sana’s choice, but there would be essential parts of Sana’s own wellbeing that would effected if she chose to go that route because her faith is an essential part of who she is. 

The conversation with Noora was equally important. They may not necessarily be fated to be together, but there is a reason this person (Yousef) came into Sana’s life and avoiding him would be ignoring this sign from fate that this person is supposed to be a part of her life right now. Life is now. 

When Yousef and Sana have yet another philosophical/religious discussion and Yousef proposes: “Maybe that’s why society needs religion. Democracy isn’t based on the idea that all people are different. It’s based on the idea that all people have equal worth. And that idea doesn’t exactly come from science. But I don’t think it helps to pretend there aren’t prejudices. What you have to do instead is show what Islam is.” 

And The Finale!!!

When Vilde was putting on her makeup and listening to Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé, and everything else about her segment. I loved getting that glimpse into some of her life and mind for a little while. I’m still disappointed she never got to tell us her story during the original SKAM.

When Eva reminds Chris that he’s a fuckboy so they can never be together. Sure he’s momentarily disappointed and probably felt sad for a little bit, but he was really quick to move on to Emma - proving Eva was smarter than him and knew him better than he knew himself. Seriously though the scene where Penetrator Chris and Emma first see each other is fucking awesome

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that the school nurse has a big white dildo on the desk next to her while she has her chat with Chris

When we see Even stressing over making Isak’s birthday perfect 

The interaction between Eskild and Linn when Eskild tells Linn she has to wear a hijab to Sana’s party because Sana is Muslim was hilarious. And then he told her they are always going to be there for each other and it got me right in the feels

And then when Eskild was proposing he, Noor, and Linn could share everything together if William moved in . . . shampoo, and William, and dish soap . . . 

Then Vilde to Chris; “You know why you’re my best friend? Because no matter how hard my day is, you always find a way to make me laugh. Sometimes it makes you feel better to pretend that you’re fine.” 

And the final speech!!!!

“Dear Sana, This speech is for you. And you’re getting it because what you’re inviting us to today overthrows American presidents tomorrow. We live in a chaotic world where it is difficult to understand the rules. Because why are some people poor and other people rich? Why do some people have to be refugees while others are safe? And why is it that sometimes even though you try to do something good it’s still met with hate?

It’s not weird that people give up, that they stop believing the good. But thank you so much for not giving up, Sana. Because even though it sometimes feels like it no one is ever alone. Each and everyone of us is part of the big chaos. And what you do today has an effect tomorrow.

it can be hard to say exactly what kind of effect, and usually you can’t see how everything fits together. But the effects of your actions are always there, somewhere in the chaos. In 100 years we may have machines that can predict effects of every action but until then we can trust this: Fear spreads But… But, fortunately love does too.”

I’m going to go cry now. 

[reallyginnyf]

quaranmemes for quarantines

I was tagged by @sparksearcher, thanks, this is a good one. It’s also a long one, so apologies to mobile users and for the rest of you: 

when was the last time you left your home?

We took a drive yesterday but only got out of the car once, at a local farm stand. The pig smell was ripe and there were eight other people milling around so we got back in the car immediately. My last time inside a place of business was on the 13th, a stock-up trip to Aldi. Everyone was wearing a mask and they were controlling the number of shoppers with a “one in, one out” method. I don’t anticipate another grocery run for a few weeks.

what was the last thing you bought?

It was an onlline order of a 10-pack of washable cotton masks just this morning. I’ve crocheted some nifty washable masks using dishcloth yarn but without filter material they’re useless because of the holes in the work. But I think a combo of a crocheted mask with a filter and a cotton cloth mask would be effective. 

is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

My brain is a jerk. I’m an introvert plus I’m agoraphobic so I’ve never minded staying home. It’s cozy and safe. Now that I can’t go anywhere, I literally want to go ALL OF THE PLACES ALL OF THE TIME. I’ve been having a tough time emotionally because everything feels dangerous now and I worry constantly...about my older high-risk husband, about my elderly parents, about my teenager’s future and on and on. 

who are you spending quarantine with?

Russ, when he’s not scheduled to work, and Zack.

do you have pets to keep you company?

I don’t and honestly? I’m happy to not have a pet right now. I’m sure they provide welcome comfort but It’s stressful enough trying to make sure there are enough food and supplies in the house for the three of us plus making sure my elderly parents are provided for without having to plan bulk-buying trips for pet food and other things. I get to see Buddy and Bonnie next door and Paco and Lucky across the street plus it’s baby squirrel and baby bunny season in the garden.

what are your current responsibilities?

Planning meals, planning shopping trips, bulk cooking so we have freezer meals available just in case, keeping an eye on Zack with his online classes since he’s not feeling particularly motivated atm, lots of laundry when Russ is working, cleaning and sanitizing the house, planting and maintaining our flower, vegetable and herb gardens, keeping on top of the budget, making sure bills are paid, trying to keep in touch with friends and family and trying to keep my sanity. I am succeeding at only a few of these.

do you have a room to yourself?

Guest bedroom sometimes when Zack isn’t using it for online class. I’ve mainly been escaping to our unfinished basement because I love it down there. We have bookcases and chairs and lamps and an area rug and a super old TV/VHS combo and it’s always cool and quiet. I do my workouts or listen to podcasts and crochet or put in some ridiculous old movie from our VHS collection and just escape for a while.

are you exercising?

Some? Whatever viral thing I had in March caused a major POTS flare so my heart rate dictates how much I can exercise each day. Right now my O2 sat is hanging in around 94% and my resting pulse rate is in the 90s, sometimes the low 100s, so I have to pace myself. Just walking around can spike it to the 130s. I can’t do my favorite 90s workout MTV: THE GRIND, sad face. So it’s yoga or recumbent bike for now. 

town, country, city?

We’re a city, population around 14,000, but in reality we’re a suburb of St. Louis.

how’s your toilet paper supply?

We’re wealthy. I started getting nervous about coronavirus back in the middle of February so every time I went shopping I picked up another pack. I didn’t hoard, just made sure I bought extra so we have about 45 rolls in the house right now.

what’s the worst thing that you had to cancel?

Two in-state college visits and one out-of-state visit. We’ve been planning and saving money for almost a year and had to cancel them all. Zack isn’t sure he wants to reschedule because he doesn’t know what the college experience will realistically look like for him in 2021. Which is logical but I’m still sad.

what’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

Dental work. It’s necessary but not emergent so it’s not being rescheduled until later this summer.

who do you miss the most?

This will sound perverse, because they’re the two people who drive me the absolute bat-shit craziest, but I miss visiting my parents. They won’t call me, refuse to let me shop for them, do not come to the door when I drop off whatever supplies I’m assuming they need and wouldn’t think of driving by our house even though we live less than a mile apart.  I’ve not actually seen them since the end of February so I have no idea how they’re doing. They could be dead or hospitalized for all I know.

do you have any new hobbies?

Hell, no. I’m neglecting the few hobbies I have, I’m not thinking of new ones. What would I do? Learn a language, learn to play an instrument? I’m lucky if I remember to take a shower every day.

what are you watching the most?

I can’t watch scripted TV or movies right now because I sit there and think “I'm watching celebrities who make more money than I will ever have in my life and they’re safe from the pandemic so FUCK THEM” which kind of gets in the way of my enjoyment. I signed up for Ovid TV because I love documentaries but I can’t watch those, either. The pandemic is an emotional overlay of everything I try to consume right now, visual or written, so I’ve been going back and re-watching everything on LGR’s YouTube channel, especially the Sims Let’s Play videos. His Duke Nukem voice and the stupid shit he does like creating Fartwhistle Dingleprop and his Hat of Shame or putting the Sims’ toilet in the middle of a hedge maze hits the right spot for me now. 

are you still going to work?

I’ve been out of work a long time. Russ is still working since he works for a public utility, at an evil, evil coal-burning power plant but hey, the electricity has to be generated somehow. The other options are nuclear, but Callaway scares the shit out of most Missourians and no one wants to pay the increased rates for green energy, so here we are. His team has been divided in three and they rotate three 12-hour days in a row and then seven or eight days off in between. He’s getting his full pay and I am enormously grateful. 

what are you out of?

We’re honestly okay on everything. I started stocking up in mid-February, bought a chest freezer and filled it up and made sure we had plenty of everyone’s shelf-stable favorites. Plus I stocked up on paper towels and disinfecting wipes and hand soap and toiletries. I’m starting to get a little low on eggs but a local restaurant is selling grocery items during the shutdown so I can get a flat when I need them.

have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

Nope. I’m allergic to hair dye and my stylist hasn’t found a formulation yet that works for me and I’m not messing with henna. So it’s the same old gray + mousy brown. It’s lovely. I’m letting my hair grow because my emotional state is precarious enough. If I do a hack job with kitchen scissors and cringe every time I look in the mirror, that’s not helping. It’s about an inch past my shoulders now and my fringe is long enough to be swept to the side but I have to hold it in place with barrettes because it’s heavy so I look like a sad old scene girl.

tagging: @this-lioness, @englishsongbird, @veradune, @maresdotes, @impreciselanguage, @stackcats, @resting-meme-face, @buddhish and seriously, all my mutuals because I want to read your answers but I’m having trouble remembering usernames or I remember them but I can’t spell the damn things and I just don’t have the energy to look anyone up, please forgive me. 

[weighty-wh40k]

What kind of feeder/feedee kinks do you think the Primarchs would have?

(Today on questions I thought I'd never be asked! I'll change this from kinks to mannerisms/ways of cooking. Makes more sense to me.)

Vulkan: He'd be about the gentle feeding, never making the feedee go over any limits, and give plenty of hugs and words of praise to them. He would always cuddle them when they needed it, have comfort food ready when needed, and generally be a caring feeder.

Dorn: Would be more of a chef than a feeder, and would lay out everything out in perfectly precise and structurally sound displays. People would almost feel guilty having to disassemble his perfectly presented food.

Sanguinius: His food would be exquisite, the very definition of perfect, delivered by hand to his many Feedees, who themselves were kept in lavish rooms without a care in the world.

Guilliman: Head chef at a leading restaurant chain, he would make sure all meals adhere to a strict recipe with no deviation from it. He would eventually relent and become a TV chef after his head PR agent nagged him enough times.

Russ: Very rustic and basic meals for regular people, but pulls out all the stops for those close to him, making massive meals of surprisingly complex recipes. But hides that side away, only showing it to his trusted friends and feedees.

Khan: Would run the world's fastest food delivery service, everything would arrive within 15 minutes or else it's free. Has a very big budget set aside for paying his driver's speeding fines. His personal preference for food is oriental types.

Corax: Doesn't eat much at all, promotes being lean and skinny for some reason, rarely leaves his room.

Jonson: The Lion would prefer a steak and burger based diet for his feedees, and would remain incredibly loyal to any who allowed him to be their chef or feeder.

Manus: Rather than be a chef like his brothers, would try to make the best possible cooking devices and tools to help them be the best in their profession, always making sure his designs were thoroughly tested before sending them off. He's the backbone of the Primarch cooking Imperium!

\\Bonus! Pre-Heresy Traitor Primarchs!//

Magnus: Would make very fancy and complicated dishes based on ancient recipes. Has quite an inferiority complex, always trying to prove that he's better than his brothers at cooking and feeding.

Mortarion: His food would essentially be the normal meal equivalent of an MRE. Edible, bland, but able to be prepared anywhere with just boiling or hot water. Not a very popular choice, but his food is bought a lot by the military branches.

Kurze: The Meal Haunter. He would lurk in the shadows and abduct feedees, willing or otherwise, and lock them in his dungeons, being fattened into absurd levels, leaving them covered in stretch marks and feeling full to the point of bursting constantly.

Perturabo: He would built immense fast food chains in an attempt to take custom away from all of his brothers, and try to lure feedees away from them as well. It wouldn't work, he'd just be run of the mill, but he's obsessed with trying to get Dorn to go out of business.

Fulgrim: Would have a very high class restaurant, where only those of a certain class could dine. It would be the talk of the town, fine dining done to perfection. He would personally greet his guests and give many a flattering speech to them all. He would also have a back room with those who liked to smoke some of the finer produce from his personal supply.

Angron: A butcher by trade, but when he's in a kitchen, Gordon Ramsay would look meek and feeble compare with his temper. If a dish wasn't absolutely perfect, he'd throw it and the chef who made it at the wall, or himself if he made it. However he would be surprisingly delicate with his feedees, worried he might break them accidentally.

Lorgar: He wouldn't be a feeder or a chef per say, but he would devise wonderful recipes that he would dish out to his brothers, singing the praises of them all in an attempt to help them all to be equal. When not writing recipes, he works as a Padre at his local church, where he makes lovely snacks for the congregation, but doesn't tell anyone that he made them.

Alpharius and Omegon: They would both fight incessantly over a single feedee that they would try to please better than the other, getting the exact same dish at each meal, and doing what they thought would best be other, even though it's exactly the same in every sense. Would bicker over who gets first tummy rubs after a meal.

Horus: Would outdo everyone in terms of meal size and grandeur, the head chef at a very successful restaurant chain, with his own group of chefs in a sort of council, who meet at lodge meetings every month. Has an annoying waiter that Lorgar sent called Erebus. Nobody likes Erebus.

[wombtangclanaz]

“Not everyone can be Russ”

So I’m not really sure where to start a whole ass blog but since my rants are constantly triggered by random content I see, I'm gonna stick to what I know and not try to psych myself out and delay this blog further. So we’ll jump right in. I have to shoutout Kato on the Track for always validating the things I think I'm learning on my own, and for packaging those lessons into words that make sense and that I can share with others. If you’re not familiar with Kato, Dame Mec, DJ Pain, Sound Advice, Music Entrepreneur Club and so many other local platforms/people of the sort, you really playin yourself,  PERIODT. These guys really care about layin it out for you in a meaningful way which takes a lot of work. so WATCH AND LISTEN.  So, between yesterday and today, Kato posted a few short videos talking about the subjects we are about to explore. Until I can figure out how to attach said videos, go watch them on IG @katoproducer. The one posted today is titled “Not everyone can be Russ” and I feel that on SUCH a spiritual level. If you’re familiar with Russ at all, you can probably kinda guess what this is about. For those not familiar, Russ is a rapper/song writer/producer/author etc etc etc. who has gained some big recognition for his blueprint as an “independent” artist. I personally don't really listen to Russ or closely follow his career, however his relevance in the industry is undeniable. if you watch any interview with Russ, its clear he's garnered fame by figuring out how to be an independent powerhouse, more or less. (Admittedly, the technical “BUSINESS” side of the industry is still something I lack a lot of knowledge in cause it involves politics that can be annoying, however I'm always tryna find people to teach me more things. If this is you, tap inwardly) But basically, the point Kato is trying to make is that its not necessarily better to be doing EVERYTHING yourself with zero out-sourcing/collaboration. We see this A LOT on applications for Tucson Hip Hop Festival (shoutout THHF fam I love you guys) It seems like young artists are quick to tell us about how they rap AND PRODUCER/WRITE/RECORD/ENGINEER all their own music in their closet. it seems to be a point made to try to impress, when really it can be a red flag. This might be just my opinion, however I have a lot of conversations about this with the mentors I keep close to me and they seem to share my sentiments. The problem with doing EVERYTHING yourself is that it can quickly create a “master of none” situation. The beautiful part of todays music industry is that the technology to do the basic things yourself and is mostly free and at your fingertips. Every kid with an iphone5 can make a rap song. This is one of the reasons that hip hip is one of the most popular genres in the world right now. With popularity comes intense levels of over-saturation. You have to focus your talents and efforts and TIME. If you’re a rapper SLASH producer, ask yourself which one you're more passionate about, which one would be devastating to leave behind? Now, this doesn't mean you’re forever disqualified from making beats in the future or trying your hand at rapping. I think a big factor in a hip hop career these days is TIMING. Take note that Russ released 11 albums and 87 singles CONSECUATIVELY AND FREE OF CHARGE before he really got meaningful recognition with Soundcloud. Not to mention the fact that producers and DJ’s are more recognized and showcased as separate entities, locally and nationally. A big reason is the fact that social media made branding so easy and mostly free. Now, if you’re someone who just likes to experiment and create music and try your hand at rapping, DO NOT LET ME DISCOURAGE YOU. Everyones gotta figure things out, its important that you’re exploring and creating DESPITE everything. Consistency is key. Do not let me dictate your dreams. HOWEVER, if you're looking to take the next step and actually pursue a career, this is advice you may want to take to heart. It sounds counter-intuitive but the best way to gain success as an INDEPENDENT artist is COLLABORATION WITH YOUR PEERS. Another point Kato makes is how up-and-coming rappers are immediately trying to work with artists or entities 3-4 steps ahead of them. Theres many rappers who try to afford themselves the PRIVILEGE of skipping necessary steps in their career. Most notably the LOCAL step. I see so many rappers following this romanticized narrative of being an INDEPENDANT artist, fuck a label got it out the dirt do it all on my own yadda yadda, but are so quick to bash or dismiss their local scene that they have yet to even explore, all the while on social media spamming every single major record label and tagging every legendary rapper they can think of in every single irrelevant thing they post. I can't make any sense of that honestly. I CONSTANTLYYYYYYY have kids reaching out to me sayin they wanna legitimize their local scene, PUT ON for their city, put their state ON THE MAP, help build their community, PUSH THE CULTURE, be socially active and change lives etc etc etc. and have never been to a SINGLE local event (even as a supporter), can't name a SINGLE leader or influential person in their hip hop community or a SINGLE local rapper they admire(who aren't just one of their homies).  I LOVE that energy and passion. but without the KNOWLEDGE of what's going on around you, and the people laying down the roadwork for you, you look low-key disrespectful and very under informed. I mean, this is quite literally the bane of my existence. If you're involved in organizing shows or events or platforms on any level, you know how many people will hit you up to be on every single show/festival but HAVE not and WILL not ever attend or support otherwise. I'm sorry but there's no other way around it. I can speak for the whole state when I say that there are locally conscience artists that quite literally “put on” for their community every weekend and have for years and years. if you message me on IG for coverage on my platform and we have 2 mutual friends, THATS A HUGE RED FLAG. There are many experienced and talented people around you who want nothing more than to provide opportunities and support to pass the torch to the next generation. Its okay to reach out for support and ask for help as long as you’re worthy of it. Dame Mec always says that if you’re reaching out to someone ASKING for something (no matter how small) you gotta make sure you’re working JUST as hard or ALMOST as hard as the people you’re reaching out to. “CLOUT” does not exist if you’re actually worthy of the support, it just comes and it lasts longer. Building in your local scene can really boost the longevity of your career and helps you find “success” in unexpected places. And maybe i’m the one romanticizing now, but asking for something should not be your first contact with said person. Your local networking, knowledge and SUPPORT OF OTHERS should not come solely from YOUR OWN desire for success, wealth or influence. It should come from your utter love and uncompromising passion for HIP HOP and every avenue of culture that goes along with it. You should already be attending hip hop events and having hip hop experiences, not because you decide you're a rapper one day, but because its the thing you enjoy the most and absolutely cannot see your life without it. Sometimes I let myself get annoyed by the lack of knowledge and lack of willingness to learn that I see plaguing hip hop today and I always remember what one of my homies/mentors always says when I wanna talk shit; “their heart just isn't in it” (Pike obvi) and that's just so damn true. If your heart isn't in it, everyone around you is gonna figure that out way before you do. Don't let your ego ruin your career before you even have one