#rotates him like in a microwave. he's a bastard but he's MY bastard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

galaxythreads · 1 year ago

Note

tagging @sunsets-on-mars hi, sorry. thought this would be easier if it was all one post. :) thanks for the ask!

^ referring to the still-not-written epilog that exists in my mind and is rotated around like something in the microwave

^ to be completely honest, I have no idea what the clue was. huh.

I listened to this story last week on ff.net's app and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. Big confidence boost for myself.

I am still thinking about the epilog chapter of this fic. I just. Don't do things. because I am the not-fun mentally ill. Circling in the microwave, I promise

CHAPTER 10:

based off of a very real conversation I had with my best friend where she told me that she was angry "on your behalf not at you, before you get any silly self-deprecating ideas" then later she called me a self deprecating bastard or something like that, and it made me laugh really hard because i mean. yeah. i am and she, who has been on the receiving end of lots of my panic attacks, knows that intimately.

For some reason people only describe the temperature of hands when they're cold in writing and it annoys me. No. Warm. Warm warm warm!

with retrospect, I'm still not sure how Clint would react to this, but it feels slightly off to me. I rewrote this scene a lot with different perspectives though, and this is just what I ended on.

my friend (same one from earlier) says this all the time when she has a headache. congratulations, it's now memorialized forever. She even texted me after reading this chapter and was like "uhhhh. I say this??" and I was like :) I know.

-dreams

and the reason behind this:

and

also this is just funny, but apparently in my 90,000+ word story i only used the word "malfunction" once

loki, before this fic: I'm going to put all my memories of the torture in their heads and then when I have a trial on Asgard, I'll go collect them. This way, Thanos can't do anything to them before the invasion is over :)

Hulk:

Loki:

Hulk: :)

Loki: :(

If Loki hadn't gotten The Concussion then he would have collected the memories and this story wouldn't have happened.

Frigga being an awful mother was something I just went ALL at this fic. Like i viewed Odin as just being emotionally immature, but Frigga and her kids have got enmeshment issues to rival the Winchesters.

^ THE point of the fic I was trying to make by having the Avengers become friends with Loki first and then learn about the mind control after.

This entire civil war side plot was based off of this fic I read forever ago and have never been able to find since where Asgard collectively went "no" and then abandoned Asgard with Loki to go to Earth. Natasha had magic and people who HAD magic were NBs. It was cool. I never finished it, but I think about it often. Like whoops, THAT is now a permanent part of my psyche.

this folks, is Foreshadowing

Steve is done with everyone's BS. Also me projecting the Steve I wish we'd gotten in Endgame, where he put his family first rather than a woman he barely knew.

Yknow, it was intentionally meant to be ambiguous on whether or not Thanos had a spy in the castle or if Odin lied to Frigga about Loki and just tortured him anyway even though an illusion would have worked. Mostly because I didn't decide myself.

hey.

yeah.

Loki didn't do CPR when Clint got struck by lightning. He transferred a considerable part of his life force to save Clint's life. Hence why he ended up mostly dead.

Note that CPR was not mentioned here. ;)

odin expecting THIS ^:

Tony, who is tired:

plot-wise, this conversation was entirely for Frigga. This his how she comes to the conclusion that she needs to do something drastic to the Avengers in order to get them to help her.

THE moment that Frigga's like. Okay. Okay then.

THOR WAS ABSUED TOO THOR WAS ABUSED TOO THOR WAS ABSUED T

one of the things that i found really interesting while working on this story is that litchenburg marks actually rarely scar. most of the time it's just like a burn that fades in a few days. kinda weird.

clint's favorite food are sandwiches and I will die on this hill.

this is, again, what we call Foreshadowing. Also Thanos in this story is the Deal Fairy.

"Clint laughs, “Okay, okay, okay. Oh! Great. A captive audience. I’ve gotta tell you about this thing. Apparently, they developed this bionic lens thing in May that can give you perfect vision regardless of what you started with, which is super cool. I was just thinking that if something like that could be developed for hearing aids…” "

lost my right to images. :(

anyway, this is a real thing that happened in 2015 and it's cool.

Loki leaves soon after that to eat something and get some sleep to prepare. A few minutes after that, Natasha, with half her hair wet still soaking wet, climbs onto the hospital bed beside him and lays her head on his shoulder.

^ also this didn't happen. implanted memory from Frigga. If you're wondering when the switch happens, yeah. I don't know. You're not supposed to know either.

"Clint is still nineteen, waiting for his brother to beat his body into a dumpster again, his ears ringing and screaming.

He’s always nineteen."

CONFESSION TIME OF THE CONFESSIONS:

yeah so originally Barney did show up. I have an alternate version of chapter 11 almost completely written where Clint was held captive by him, but it was just not working. I kept circling around the question of why Barney was there at all, because it just didn't make sense.

But I had neatly backed myself into a corner and had no idea what to do, so I did some frantic back tracking and replanning. You actually don't know this, but I did go back in and edit some stuff into this to make the next chapter work. I can't remember exactly why I decided to do a time loopy-thing, but that's just sort of what happened?

Proof I'm not a lying liar, and in case you're curious:

LE PLAN ALTERNATIF:

11. Clint dreams of Thanos, then is taken to their temporary base. Thor asks if Clint liked the little stint and Clint's like no, my guy, I really didn't. Clint tries to convince Thor of what going on and Thor doesn't care. The Chitauri say he has to kill him and Thor hesitates and they spare no brutality. Thor attempts to kill Clint and he can't. The Chitauri attempt similar and are deeply annoyed. They determine they have to find other ways of removing the memories. Clint's like, and, uh, why exactly do we care about that? And the Chitauri say that thanos has made powerful allies and the memories will compromise that. (sigyn plus co are working with thanos unknowing what's happening). The Chitauri force Clint to sleep with the mind stone and forcefully pull the memories from his head painfully. Clint dreams of Loki. They talk and Loki says that they need to find them. He hands Clint a tracking device Tony made and Clint wakes up with it in his hand.

12. Barney takes care of Clint after and comments on the scarring and Clint is like do Not ™ Barney says that he's missed him and Clint has too, but not enough to put himself through it again. The Chitauri come back and do something. Barney gives Clint a hug. The avengers arrive and they tear the compound apart. Say they had no intention of letting Asgard know what was going on. Loki removes the mind control from Thor and Thor is horrified. Loki promises everything will be okay. they arrive back at the compound and Loki, after carefully setting Thor down, shoves Mjolnir into Odin's hands. LOKI ALSO USES THE MIND STONE TO SEVER THE CONNECTION WITH THE MOTHERSHIP.

13. Loki takes care of Thor's injuries. Then Clint's. Natasha wraps herself around him. Clint finds Loki later and Loki and Clint talk about the mind control. Clint tells Loki the sources of the scars. the Chitauri had been coming to remove the rest of his memories from the last year or so. Loki says that he's sorry. He says he thinks he did it because he was worried thanos would try to do something like this, he intended to come collect the memories or someone during the trial he never had. On Asgard the accused is allowed to collect evidence under chaperone. Thor wakes up and is confused and disoriented. Loki assures him that he's safe and Thor tries to stab himself, insisting that they can't make him do anything and he won't hurt his brother. Loki manages to get him called down.

14. Loki wakes up screaming again. He can’t remember when he is and tries to get away from everything. The Avengers and co wake him up and they talk for a bit before settling back down around the bed to go back to sleep. Thor is still weak, but he’s managing. Frigga insists that she needs to talk with him and asks him how he is. Says that Asgard could greatly use his help in discovering who was behind his kidnapping and with the war. Thor is exhausted. There’s another shouting match that ends about as well as the first one. Loki is irritated. They talk about their parents in extreme frustration. Loki goes to check on Clint again and Clint is going through reports on Barney. Keeps watching the interrogation. Loki asks him about it and they commemorate on crappy families. Clint asks Loki if he has any idea whose behind the attacks. Loki says he doesn’t know. He’s not sure who would reach out to Thanos. The Tower is attacked.

15. Sigyn almost kills Odin. Loki stops her and Sigyn reveals that she’s the one who was behind the whole thing. She collapses into weeping in Loki’s arms at the fact he is still alive. Loki says that it’s over now. Sigyn said that she promised that she would help Thanos because he told her what happened. Loki explains that he’s okay. Sigyn and Odin come to a tentative agreement. Sigyn says that she’ll withdraw her realm from the war now knowing that Loki is alive and well, but only if it stays that way. Odin agrees. Odin apologizes to Loki and Loki says he can stick his apology up his butt. Odin says that he has a score to settle with Thanos and he’ll send word when it’s over. Loki says peace out sucker and Odin and the Asgardians leave.

btw, just as a fun aside, anything in caps was me making a realization on why something happened, lol.

CHAPTER 11:

"It occurs to me," the voice is smooth, collected. A balm on wounds too infected and raw for him to do anything but whimper at anymore. His entire body locks up beneath the sound, tensing against the hard ground. "That it has been some time since we had one of our talks.""

hey, this is actually referenced earlier in the fic ;)

"The name feels familiar to Clint, like it's from some sort of distant memory. A cold, itching sensation crawls up his back. It occurs to me that it has been some time since we had one of our talks. He can't place the voice. Or the memory."

ch 9 ^

this entire dream sequence was actually one of the first dreams I wrote for Clint and I decided this one was just a little Too messed up to put in right away.

Plus, in my head, Loki's memories were appearing to Clint in chronological order, so this scene was actually one of the last conversations (if not THE last) conversation Thanos and Loki have. Definitely the last one before Loki was given the scepter.

"The world is blurring above him. Blinking in and out of focus. Bright light, dark ceiling. Empty sky, hot blinding sun, it vanishes again. His head is throbbing. He can't feel his toes. Everything is silent. A shudder of cold washing through his veins. Fingers wrapping around his arms. Being hauled somewhere. Dragged. The ground feels like sand, but when he tries to look it's concrete."

^ Clint is in wyoming. Before the illusion even starts, he can tell something is wrong.

Christmas - 1987 was a reference to a very specific memory, but I can't remember what it was and I'm so annoyed with myself :(

The Park - August 25th, 1989; - the date of the park incident, when Barney's dad got them into a car crash

Driving Lesson - July 3rd, 1996 - driving away from a crime scene with Barney when he was like 13? 12? I moved Clint and natasha's ages closer together in this fic because jeremy renner is 14 years older than Scarlet Johanson? and err. Yeah. no. some peoeple can make age gaps work and it's good and healthy, I just, yeah. didn't want to?

Proposal - January 4th, 2011 - As I mentioned earlier in part 1 of the Lore, Natasha and Clint are married in this fic.

"I don't know," Clint hisses between gritted teeth, looking up at him. His abdomen is pulsing underneath his fingers. He's the right kind of nauseous that throwing up would definitely help. "Kinda the whole problem here isn't it? Are you that desperate for him to kill me? Actually, for that matter, why in God's name did you not just shoot me in that hallway? Does it really matter if Thor does the deed that much—?"

"why did you not just shoot me in the hallway" was the question i couldn't figure out an answer to and had to change the entire chapter for, lol.

"I do wonder," the voice is behind him now, and Clint whirls, grabbing the first thing in the box—a whisky bottle with a pealing sticker what the? what type of madness encourages someone to put that in a Christmas box?

it's because Clint is literally pulling things from the memories. If he reached into Proposal, he might have actually been able to pull Natasha out of it, lol.

"Agent Barton," he sighs, softly, sympathetic, "you really don't seem to understand how this game works. If you had simply let me interrogate you as your brother, perhaps we wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures."

if you pay attention to this scene, you'll notice that the speech patterns that I use here are a lot closer to what would be said in the Loki 2021 series, not Loki from 2011-2013. Yes, this was a jab at the Loki series, but it was also kind of just how it worked out. Loki sounds off, on purpose, because this is how Frigga thinks that he talks now that he's "evil."

He stares at Loki's eyes, blue, but not scepter-blue. Loki has green eyes.

Frigga's eye color is bleeding into every character she plays.

"Clint frantically backs into his mind, cornering himself behind walls of nothing.

And he finds himself falling.

down

And crashing."

Clint retreating into his subconcious. Frigga didn't do this, which is why she has to chase him. In the unfinished epilog, a lot of time is dedicated to dealing with Clint's trauma around all of this ^, which is why it didn't really come up before chapter 14.

"Your father and your mother…I think they were wrong to keep such an important fact from you. Biology dictates life." The master says. "You had the right to know yourself."

Loki stares at him, bewildered. "I…I did?"

The master tilts his head, "Why wouldn't you?"

^ Clint earlier, "you had the right to konw your own story"

anyone telling Loki that Odin was not cool to keep the Jotun thing a secret unfortunately, to Loki, immediately makes him pact bond with them, regardless of if it's good for his health.

After a long, weighted moment, Loki squeezes his arm, his face creasing as Clint flinches beneath the contact, "Just breathe. Everything is okay. You're safe, as is everyone else. This is real, I promise."

^ Clint and the other Avengers spent the beginning of this story assuring Loki that everything was real, Loki returning the favor. What happened to Clint is the type of disorientation that Loki faced.

"I'M TRYING TO FIND MY SON!" Frigga roars, an edge of wildness crossing through her features.

yknow. I did actually think that Frigga would be somewhat sympathetic in this fic, just driven to a single goal, and actually everyone hated her. that was kind of funny to me.

“No,” Tony agrees, “but it’s not about you either. Loki was suffering and it bothered you, so you did something that helped you feel better. Not him. Good job. Pro parenting skills there. Really selfless and everything.”

not me, projecting all my issues with my parents into this fic and wishing someone would say this to me :)

(please hug me)

“You look terrible,” Tony says apropos of nothing. “You kinda seem to be into the half-dead look lately.” Bruce smacks the engineer’s arm pointedly. Tony rubs at his arm, turning to him sharply, “ Ow. What?”

The exchange is so normal that it almost hurts. Like they didn’t all die a few hours ago.

“ Timing,” Bruce laments.

SHERLOCK: Murder weapon and scene of the crime all at once. (He laughs with delight.) SHERLOCK: Oh, this case, Henry! Thank you. It’s been brilliant. JOHN: Sherlock ... SHERLOCK (turning to him): What? (John glares at him pointedly.) JOHN: Timing. SHERLOCK: Not good?

Sherlock s2e2

“It is,” Loki agrees, “But neither the Chitauri nor Thanos, the man in charge of them, have any sort of magic. I don’t know who cast the spell,” Loki admits, shaking his head, “perhaps the Chitauri roped in an unlucky third party.”

Fooooreshadowinnnnggg

Gregson barely refrains from rolling his eyes. “So obviously this means that someone just got their lightning gun out of the workshop. You would not believe how many calls we got about that.”

^ Gregson and Bell appearance from Elementary, as per normal in all my fics. Lol. if i did lore specifically about every time they make a cameo, you guys will realize just how insane I am.

also this is almost an exact dialog steal from elementary s6e???

His voice is both relieved and thick as he says, “Let's get him home."

this was a scene i had written in a document attached to this other fic I was going to write forever ago. I updated it and put it in this fic. It was good to finally get to use it somewhere.

ahhhh right, just looked at the author's note for chapter 12. yeah, in case you guys are wondering, no. Things have not improved with my parents. It's almost been a year and we've had exactly 0 (zero) conversations about me coming out since. But honestly, you guys were so supportive and it literally saved my life. I very seriously considered suicide a lot in the following weeks, but I had your support to lean on.

God, i was not functional after that conversation. I barely got out of bed for three weeks. The only thing that forced me into functioning was when someone sent me an ask on tumblr asking why mcu was so proud to be ignorant adn I wrote up 10 page essay on Michael Waldron and the state of MCU. That really helped. Thanks anon. <3

NOVEMBER:

He thinks that he should remember how he got here.

lol. Just remembered that the time skip was NOT clear and I had to go back and add the months so we could keep this straight.

Dr. Cho sighs, indicating for them to get closer together. “To preface this, Thor is alive and he’s stable. That’s what I want you to focus on, alright?”

Oh good.

So it’s good news then.

WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY?

The exhaustion. This celebration is a forced, tired thing, like it’s a game they have to play.

Christmas. The Christian holiday. A long, exhaustive game of pretending.

^ this literally describes every christmas i have ever lived. I hate this holiday with my entire soul, which makes me feel like a bad christian, but honestly I turn into The Scrooge TM the moment December rolls around. Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to form less traumatizing memories around this holiday in the future.

Loki rolls his eyes a little, and takes a step closer, taking a seat on one of the chairs they brought in. “For your information, neither Thor or I are old enough to have met the Christian god.

things that do not make sense: Norse paganism existing in MCU and Loki and Thor's canon ages in MCU aligning together. Norse mythology started in like the 5th century AD. Loki was born in 37 AD or something like that, so like. norse mythology was based around the actions of like a 5 year old? okay marvel. 👍

“No, no it doesn’t. I yield, rozhden’ya, rozhden’ya! ” Clint says the word perfectly, slapping her hand away. “Don’t be mean to me. It’s Christmas.”

“Not in Russia,” Natasha threatens, lowering her voice to something silky and dangerous.

Christmas is Jan 6th, for those of you unaware. Dec 25th is NOT the universal date for Christmas.

“Merry Christmas!” Tony says cheerfully, handing Thor some sort of desert. It’s some sort of small, brown little man covered in frosting.

ALSO HE IS HOLDING A GINGERBREAD MAN. my younger sister thought I was literally insane when I read this to her last year.

“I had a right to know,” Thor snarls, getting to his shaky feet. He grips at the bedpost for support, gesturing at himself, the words cracked. “ I had a right to know. She’s my mother, too. This is my family, too.”

^ Literally SO many of Thor's issues revolve around this, I think. Like after Thor 1, he probably feels so detached from his parents and Loki. The intense drama that they went through leaves him as a third party observer because it literally has nothing to do with him but it's so BIG.

from the author's note of chapter 13: I would also like to personally thank this chapter for making me dread writing it so much I was able to write not one, not two, but six chapters of my original story in an effort to avoid it (the book is like 11-12 chapters long for reference). Truly, it took one for the team.

OH YEAH OH MY GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! IT WAS IN LIKE A WEEK TOO AND WFDLKSJFLSD:FJLSDF:

HI IGNITNG FIRE I LOVE YOU! :D

CHAPTER 14:

“Right, but he didn’t know that. So again: I was supposed to let him walk around thinking he killed his fiancée?” Clint asks from the couch. Watching Loki pace back and forth across the length of the room is like watching a pendulum swing back and forth. Relentless. The carpet might as well be Loki’s mortal enemy for all the effort he’s putting into murdering it.

^ this story starts and ends with Loki and Clint on a couch together.

“And what about my suffering?” Thor asks. “What about every day that I missed my best friend? What about the grief I felt? I am part of this family, too. And you didn’t tell me anything. I thought that you killed my brother. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me!? I have grieved my brother twice and evidently whatever ‘child suffering’ you feel only applies to Loki.”

^ also in the not written aftermath chapter is a deeper dive into this. there was a lot of emotional strings that I felt we didn't quite recover from

“You made a deal with Thanos?” Sigyn’s voice is sharper. She looks up at Odin’s face, and for the first time since she arrived here, Sigyn isn’t scowling as she does so. Odin inclines his head, still irritated, but Frigga’s head is tilted, her brows furrowed. “I made a deal with Thanos.” Sigyn says.

shoutout to @worstloki for THE POST of the Year they made in response to this chapter. I laughed SO hard

“You what?” Odin snarls. “You stupid child-- what have we instilled into everyone since the Titan’s defeat? How could you be so foolish as to reach out to him?”

Odin, ever the hypocrite.

okay rapid fire trying to think if there was anything else I wanted to mention

still do not like chapter 1, i think I should have combined 1 and 2 together, but it took forever to get this story started so it can stay

the story was going to be named "You And I, or you Are I" in reference to the merging memories, but I literally forgot the title and was too tired to find it when i posted the fic

Clint's voice in this fic was based off of two fics I read The Unintended Consequences of Being A Superhero's Boyfriend and Fishing In Alaska and it was a lot of fun to shift to something more humerous. This fic from Loki's pov would have been exhausting, but from Clint's we get banger lines like "Fury scowls. The man gets more power out of his singular eye than most people can with both" and "Steve in concern, who's too exhausted to do anything other than make a grumpy old man sound and bury his head into his hands" which would not have been in Loki's pov. Clint is very funny.

i'm genuinely proud of myself that this fic turned out the way it did. Like it's not perfect, but it's still really good

yeah uh, do not think to hard about the Warriors in this fic because they Do Not Make Sense because their purpose in the story changed halfway through and it shows badly with retrospect lol

yes, i do want to work on the aftermath chapter, but i also don't, so all i have is like. 3 sentences and a frowny face in the document.

this story is over 400 pages, which I am proud of

i'm still happy to receive asks about this story, always!

some lore for you screamed for so long perhaps? i read all 8 (at the time) chapters of that on a 3 hour plane ride it kept me going through quite possibly the worst turbulence i have ever experienced

I'm so sorry about the turbulence. :( That sounds un-fun. Fun fact, I haven't been on a plane since i was 18 months old. I have absolutely no reference for that irl, lol. XD

ANYWAY.

LORE FOR YOU SCREAMED FOR SO LONG WE FORGOT TO CARE ANYMORE <- link to story

i have been planning some form of this story since 2018. In the original version, there was a massive plague going on. I'll probably still write that version actually. It's different enough from this one that it can stand on its own two feet.

CHAPTER ONE:

I was inspired to start the story several months after Loki got there after reading a Darcy/Loki story on ff.net I never finished

""I don't want to be buried. Cremate me." He instructs, swinging his quiver across one shoulder. "Or drop my body from the sky for the dogs to pick at, I don't really care. I'll be dead." " -- this is 1000% based off of Shane Madej from Buzzfeed Unsolved loudly declaring how he wants a sky burial

CHAPTER TWO:

"The looming figure in front of him gives a curt nod, and something smacks him in the back of the knees, and he goes tumbling into suffocation all over again," -- In the end you will always kneel.

Actually, the above torture is a slow form of suffocation. Someone ties a rope around your neck and hands that are connected together and suspends you enough that you have to stand on your toes. When your feet come out from underneath you, the rope on your hands tugs on your neck until it tightens until you either suffocate or manage to stand upright again thus relieving the pressure.

----

"He feels the surge of intense, overwhelming heat against his already raw, blistered skin before he even feels the brand press against his back, burning into muscle, bone, anything and everything, and he wont, can't—pain pain pain pain—

He screams—

^^^^ the above scene is the source of THIS scar, "Some of the worst scars are white and puckering against Loki's back and they look older than all of this" (chpt 9) and it will be discussed in further detail later. It's actually very important to the story. All of the dreams are. Nothing was put in there "just because"

---

"Hill hates all of them because the fact they're on the same floor is her fault." --- rather than having Fury in charge of the Avengers, I decided that it would probably be more realistic if Hill was. Fury is a busy man.

---

I learned some Norwegian for this fic solely so I could know on a basic level when the sentences didn't make sense, lol. XD

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"All of them have made an effort to learn how to learn with Loki's flashbacks, but the only people who have had any real success are Thor and Steve." --- This is because Steve looks like Thor and Loki's brain is not super great at telling them apart when he's a mess.

---

"Clint forces out a thin breath, then says, "Do you want a sandwich?"

There's a long lull as if Loki's struggling to understand him. Clint repeats the question."

---

I dreamt about you getting your back burned open.

BACK INJURY IMPORTAAAAANNNCCCEEEE lol. XD all of you would be exhausted if you know how much I've been trying to subtly state this.

---

Natasha and Clint are legally married in this fic and have been for several years, but I never make that explicit because it doesn't matter to either of them so it's not important to the narrative. They are, first and foremost, partners. (Natasha proposed)

---

"Natasha is quiet for a second, then she tags on, "Ya tebya khochu."

Clint chews on his bottom lip, "Ya tozhe khochu tebya,""

This is Russian for "I want you," and then "i want you too." I think it's a little bit more meaningful than I love you.

---

Clint doesn't remember being taken to S.H.I.E.L.D. for the first time. When Coulson dragged his sorry butt there for medical after Barney tried to beat him to death, Clint was unconscious.

I have spent so much of this fic paralleling Clint's relationship with his brother with Loki and Thor's.

---

"Beside that is, predictably, an open tissue box.

Clint doesn't know what it is, but he's never been in a S.H.I.E.L.D. conference room without one. It's like the janitorial staff is worried that a group of covert spies and government officials are going to spontaneously..."

I work in janitorial. There is an ungodly effort put into making sure the tissue boxes never run out.

----

"If you're done saying I love you," Fury looks pointedly at Steve and Tony, the latter of whom smirks. Steve buries his head in his hands.

I have a lot of internalized homophobia issues despite being lesbian, but this is my first gay joke in a fic and I'm really, really proud of it. I know it's not very good or even comes across as a joke, but I felt so proud putting it in here all the same. Acceptance of self is real, y'all.

---

when i was listening to this chapter as i edited it, the speech to text reader read "asgardr" as oosgar and it was really funny to me.

---

CHAPTER FOUR:

this was the first scene I wrote for this fic.

the Chitauri do not refer to Loki by any other pronoun but "it." this is an effort to dehumanize him. (NOT to say that those who go by it pronouns are not human, love you guys (gender neutral))

---

"You are weak, like a mewling, crawling baby animal. But don't worry, because where you failed, your not-brother will succeed." --- Am I making a pointed jab at how awful Mobius calling Loki a mewling kitten was? Yes.

---

(chpt 4 vs 8)

---

This is one of my favorite interactions in the story. Loki has been lying through his teeth about his feelings most of the fic up to this point and then Clint asks him and Loki tells him the truth.

Loki and Clint have a very strong bond, even then.

---

CHAPTER FIVE:

everyone got a specific name-sign in this chapter. Loki's is grumpy-L because he's a grumpy little guy. XD No, it's cause he's grumpy but the L stands for his name

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"Karma coming to collect its debt." -- a reference to my friend @widowronin's SPN story.

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"c"-- by his brother

"b"-- by the circus of crime and Coulson

derogatory -- by his brother and the circus of crime

---

Waaaaay too much of my writing was inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved now. XD

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^^^ this is actually referring to Frigga and Odin's relationship, not the chitauri

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CHAPTER 6:

^^ reference to Vibranium

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the actual plan for the cafeteria scene:

"The Avengers eat breakfast or something at the facility and the SHIELD agents are generally nasty to Loki. One of them starts a fist fight and Loki defends himself until the Avengers bodily pull everybody off and are like “no.” Loki is a little banged up, but nothing serious. Clint breaks some guys nose, though. Bruce looks him over and is visibly agitated. Says that the agents shouldn’t have hurt Loki. Loki’s like, okay, sure, but I did kill like, a lot of people, so they’re entitled. Bruce is like, “:/” "

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this was intentionally framed like the beginning of Black Widow with Yelena. Thus to indicate that Natasha now sees Loki as a brother.

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Loki intentionally says something unrelated to the situation to calm Clint down. yes, this was a reference to Clint and the sandwich thing. It worked so well then, why not now?

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this is an important clue that will help us later

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^^^ Gamora and Nebula

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^^^ Loki dreams about Clint's brother trying to kill Clint. In the next chapter, Loki's brother tries to kill Loki. These scenes were placed on top of each other on purpose. NARRATIVE PARRALEL.

Also. by the gods am i projecting hard into this fic with clint and barney lol.

---

^^^ I still cannot believe that @worstloki made this for me, and then the post sort of blew up. Last time I looked it had like 250+ notes and LOTS of tags discussing how wonderful the story was. It literally floored me. I still am baffled and deeply humbled. Thank you.

---

CHAPTER EIGHT:

this scene was originally written from Clint's pov. I have it in a junk document somewhere. This is probably going to be Loki's only POV in the fic, but we'll see. I just though it would be really good to see Loki's thoughts about all of this, given how pivotal this moment is in the story.

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chpt 8 vs chpt 5. DIRECTLY MEANT TO PARALLEL EACH OTHER.

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^^^ this is the above meme. In the fic. You're welcome. XD

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Parallel to the first thor, anyone??

as far as thor is aware in this scene, Loki just killed their parents and his world so the fact that Loki is actually worthy of Mjolnir is absolutely BAFFLING to him.

---

CHAPTER 9:

I made the executive decision that odin and Frigga's relationship is...strained, to put it mildly.

---

most of the time Siygn is a princess of some distant realm in fics, but no! she's queen here. XD

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reminder!! "Far" is the formal way to address your parent in Norwegian.

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Odin doesn't swear once in this conversation.

ALSO. Loki purposefully tries to intervene before giving up quickly because Odin and Frigga fighting is a common occurrence and he knows it's useless to stop it.

---

the way this chapter is set up is that you SEE what Odin and Frigga did to Loki with the flashback to Thor watching over Loki. You are supposed to think "Uh, wait a sec"

THIS is NIce?

for reference:

"Loki is thin, more a skeleton than a person, skin dragged against bone and pulled taut in some grotesque imitation of death. There are layers upon layers of gauze over Loki's entire forearms, covering up the horrible scars and stitches keeping his arms attached to his body. Beneath that is purpling and black bruises several inches thick encircling his wrists. There are open wounds almost everywhere in various degrees of healing, bones still bent awkwardly out of place that the doctors distastefully said they'd need to reset so it could heal right. Loki isn't stable enough for them to try yet."

but yeah. It was nice.

---

Btw, the title "You screamed for so long we forgot to care anymore" is NOT a reference to the Avengers.

It's Loki's thoughts to Odin and Frigga. Years of torture, of suffering and pain, of screaming, and they seemed to grow more apathetic to it with time.

I will probably reblog this with more thoughts once the fic is finished, but yeah. I have put a LOT of effort into this fic. And I am still baffled as to how it has so many people reading it. When the number processes in my brain every couple of weeks I feel horrified, lol.

YOU SCREAMED FOR SO LONG WE FORGOT TO CARE ANYMORE <- link to story

#ysfslwftca #galaxy's fics #lore for fics #answered #loki

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bonesandthebees · 2 years ago

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bones Bones B O N E S

BONES THAT FUCKING H U R T /pos

"i'm trying to keep our planet safe" "it's my planet it was never yours to begin with" AUGHHHHHHHHH i dont even think tommy knows how hard of a low blow that was for poor wilbur who's always been seen as just the bastard prince by everyone but tommy up until this point

i'm brainrotting so hard over this line in particular: [But Wilbur knew Tommy better than anyone else, and if he wanted to play this game, then Wilbur knew exactly what to say next.]

he's still thinking like it's a game. he just had his heart fucking ripped out by the one guy he loved the most and immediately he's being petty and dealing an even lower blow to upset tommy right back. my boy..

stars!wilbur is so funky and so brilliant and such a fucking mess i wanna hug him but i also wanna put him in a rat cage and study him

anyway he's gonna be such a wreck next chapter so i'm gonna go nurse my own broken heart while i wait o/ 🖤

yuppppp tommy knew it was a low blow but he definitely didn't realize HOW low he was going. he's always been a bit oblivious to just how sensitive wilbur is to being called a bastard and disregarded for his status, so while he definitely knew that would hit hard, he severely underestimated how bad it was going to end up being

thinking of it like a game is really the only thing wilbur knows how to do at this point. the game is all he was ever taught. it's easier to think of these interactions like a game because then at least he has an idea of what move to make next. if it's not a game... where the hell does he go from there?

he doesn't know. his brother just said possibly the worst thing he could've said to him, and wilbur feels like he's lost his last real connection on zephys iv. of course the only thing he's gonna think to do next is to bite right back as hard as he can

I ALSO wanna study stars!wilbur in a rat cage. you guys have no clue how much time i've spent just rotating him in the brain microwave. such a funky little fucked up guy. so glad you guys love him as much as I do

oh he's gonna be a wreck i'm physically holding myself back from writing the next chapter right this second

#ask #anon #the stars and their children

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rotshop · 3 years ago

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I look forward to those ideas! Also since I am rotating auditor reader in my microwave head all the time, I just keep thinking about Deimos or 2B finding out something new about the reader and getting excited about it.

auditor reader in brain microwave,,,,holy shitt,,,,,

also YEAH,,,,

for deimos it was when you told him u were able to alter your form however you rlly wanted. he went 'ok but. can you be Me.' and you both like stared at each other for like a solid minute. long story short deimos came running into base carrying you (who'd shapeshifted to look like him just kinda. shadowified) and yelling abt it. he was SO excited abt it you have no fucking clue. he makes you shapeshift into hank and then almost gets his ass kicked by actual hank for it

for 2b it was when you'd made a weapon disappear when you were finished with it. you didn't even really notice that you did it, when he pointed it out you were surprised too in all honesty. then he'd asked what else you could make disappear. cue comically timed grunt in the distance. neither of you have any clue where you sent that poor bastard. you've never seen or heard from em again.

#wowww u have auditor reader in UR brain microwave??? check this shit out #(i pull benrey plush edited to be deimos out of my brain airfryer)#asks #auditor reader #rot writes

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gossamer-green · 2 years ago

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Heyyy hiii heyyyy thoughts on chip😋🤨

chibo :D

...i'm pulling out my shield for this one, bc uh ^^;

we got a bingo tho!!

LET ME EXPLAIN THE CONTROVERSIAL ONES

they are all fnc-related, hence the blue circle in the middle of them. my issue isn’t really the ship itself, but just. the thing that happens with every fanon ship. the classic case of The Shipping Goggles /neg

by shipping goggles, i mean interpreting every indication that character A (in this case, chip) cares for character B (in this case, gillion) as an indication of romantic/sexual interest. as if chip couldn’t consider gillion one of “the most important people in his life” or want to spend time with & get to know him more if he thought of gillion as “just” a friend/crewmate/found family member. chip(/bizly himself) “never beating the allegations” is a funny running joke, but when people say it genuinely about every gillion-related chip thing ever i’m like :/ p

for one of many examples, the scene near the end of last episode when chip was passing out some of gil’s things? rip to everyone who wouldn’t want something to remember their missing close friend by unless they had non-platonic feelings for that friend, but i’m different. and imo chip is too — or at the very least, it’s not as impossible for him to be as people think it is.

(the “big boobs” thing i’ll concede as sus tho hehehehe ;v; the doylian explanation is obvs that bizly was being goofy + it’s been established via fanart that gillion is built like a pre-surgery dwayne the rock johnson + charlie said that gil “flashed his tits” at the high priestess so why would you not continue with that bit it’s hilarious, BUT. from a watsonian perspective it’s like ,’:I you wanna say that again, chip?)

ANYWAY ENOUGH OF THAT

i used to be obsessed with his arc and go insane rotating chip in my brain a lot, but now there are several other characters in rotation, so i’m not thinking about chip as much. but i’ve been thinking about him a bit more lately because of rewatching some older episodes, and i do still go crazy for certain songs that people have associated with him. he’ll probably go back in the microwave once we get a little more stuff with him, because ooh man the stuff bizly said about how he’s handling losing gil...

chip deserves the title of bastard in multiple ways even though he hates it, but it’s because he’s got sooo many issues :(( he’s trying his best and he really needs a hug

and he needs his friend back before he breaks. (← not going to happen)

send me a jrwi character from the current era of campaigns to play opinion bingo about!

#i feel fear maintagging this but i Must keep my blog organised sooo #jrwi #jrwi riptide #chip jrwi #gossamer answers #pothosii

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horseyfuture · 4 years ago

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Lockdown 2021

Welcome, you sickening metallic pervert. I don’t know why I even tolerate you, my dues to the club have long since been settled and yet still you show up with your corrugated spleen and your laminated nipples. What? Oh, it’s you. With your simple fleshy appendages and some kind of yellow blancmange for a CPU. I suppose you will suffice. Bend yourself over the table there and we’ll get on with the show. Liquid soap’s on the side, next to the antique bum-hammer.

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Aries: You find yourself repeatedly followed by crows. This is in no way related to the quite normal phenomenon in which a murder of crows will adopt a human who feeds them, bringing them trinkets and even offering them protection from aggressors. No, these crows find you sexy. Leaping about in your lounge, wearing your goth tops and flapping your arms to the rhythms of online parties, the crows all agree that you are “SKRARK!” or, in Crow, “one fine piece of floppy human tail”. Well done! Crows have good taste and make excellent lovers.

Taurus: Every time you open that damn Taurus mouth of yours, you sound like a broken record. I mean, literally, you sound like a piece of badly scratched vinyl. That’s been up the wrong bit of a rhino. And is being played using a bent nail. Through the speakers of a brown ‘65 Ford Allegro. In Ipswitch. In the rain. On a Wednesday. In November. That’s a lot of detail to pack into an accent every time you decide to prattle on about crisps. People find it offputting.

Gemini: On a whim, you buy yourself a File-o-fax, you know, from the 80s. You must have seen one in a kitschy American TV show or something. While excessively bored on a Sunday afternoon, you begin to fill in some of the entries from your mobile phone. As soon as you finish writing the first one, Adam, he calls! What a crazy coincidence! You move onto the next, Beth - then SHE calls! That’s just insane! As you move onto the next name, you think “My god, what if I bought a MAGICAL File-o-fax? What adventures could I HAVE?” - You look down at the table in awe, when suddenly it all becomes clear: next to the Magic File-o-fax is the Magic Empty Bottle of Gin. Ah.

Cancer: Singing a song about beans, YEAH! Singing a song about toast! Singing a song about beans on toast, ‘cos that food you like the most, WOO! Singing a song about waffles? NO! Can’t be arsed making them! Beans on toast takes like two tiny minutes and waffles take about fucking ten! (FUCK THAT!) Singing a song into the beans can! While the beans turn in the microwave, ALRIGHT! Naming individual beans (YEAH!) pretend they’re all going to a beans rave! (WHISTLE POSSE!) Shovelling the beans into your mouth WOO! Toasting bread is for twats! (LO-SERS!) Pouring cold beans onto your face and half of them fall onto the cat! (SEND HELP!)

Leo: After a successful hour’s staring at the stippled ceiling, you reward yourself with a brisk walk to the door. After three proud steps, diligently recorded by your fitness band (which you’re fairly certain is now emitting a dull weeping sound), you jubilantly punch the air and have a nice relaxing pass out on the floor. After another few hours, you surf another boost of energy and nearly make it to the fridge. Sadly, though this goal is destined to elude you as you trip over a recently-delivered Amazon envelope. A handful of attempts in, you succeed at opening the envelope (only stopping twice to catch breath) and discover it to contain one flimsy plastic finger measurer and a £60 voucher for a wine subscription. You remember the partner you once had, in the distant before times, so vibrant and loud. In recognition of having had what you’re certain is “a feeling”, you fling the ring-measurer away, order the wine and settle into a nice, relaxing cry.

Virgo: There are a number of St Bernards around your neighbourhood and you’ve started to find them more than a little intimidating. What began as friendly barks as you passed in the street has developed into the odd growl and now barking as the owners pull their wretched beasts back from you, swearing in anguish as their hounds’ slavering jaws snap at your heels. After a few weeks of this, Monthly Bath Weekend inevitably comes round and the problem seems to just go away.

Libra: Some people have been baking recently. They - of course - are twats. Others have chosen to use this time to improve existing music skills, or even pick up a new instrument in their abundance of free time. Shit-eating scum, each and every one of them. You are not going to be affected by this self-improvement bullshit and have decided to strike out on your own, tangibly making yourself less pleasant, skilled and attractive with each passing day. Monday is fudge-eating class. Tuesday, “how long can I sit on the loo?” marathons (5 hours PB). Wednesday is Yelling ‘BASTARDS’ at the Sky Day, while Thursday (being the new Friday) you party on down with a life-size model of Prince made from your own toenails. Friday you slam your face into cupboards, repeating the word “APES” in a dull monotone. At the weekend, it’s time to rest! Phew! Just a few hours drilling holes in the ceiling, a slip, a tumble, a fall, a crunching sound and a view from the underside of a very poorly constructed step-ladder until it all goes beautifully dark.

Scorpio: Fuck this, you’re buying beach balls. Yep. Why not? You do, in fact, buy beach balls. Why didn’t you think of this before? They’re bright. They’re entertaining. They’re CHEAP. You can order them in large quantities, it turns out. “Ooh, I hope you’re not having a party!” says the delivery man, with a wink “HAHAHAH, NO. Actually I’m just INFLATING THEM AND POPPING THEM” you cackle toward his suddenly retreating face. It takes a while to inflate all 400, but the high you get from blowing them up is quite intense! Now you have a house full of beach balls! Haha! You can’t bring yourself to pop them in the end. Some of them are lost to accidents (fried beach ball, anyone?) and others you draw on with crude faces of past enemies, then open the door and punt them down the street with a hearty “FUCK YOU, BEATRICE!” (or Ken, as appropriate. You had few enemies. It’s cheap therapy). The last few hundred last you happily into the next month, though the doctor is mildly unimpressed when you attempt to get them vaccinated.

Sagittarius: Your attempts at making LEGO sex toys go badly to begin with. But, weirdly, you do eventually get better at it. You’re particularly proud of the one where you use the gearbox from the racing car for, well, you know. The winking pneumatic sex-donkey (8,014 bricks) is, in most people’s opinion, your pièce de résistance. You can’t wait for the highstreet to open up again, so you can go and show off your repertoire down the local toyshop.

Capricorn: It’s tough getting through lockdown without the internet. In your case, though, it is entirely self-inflicted. You made a promise to yourself to cut down on the doomscrolling and it was successful! Prodigiously so! You end up cutting out the news sites - who needs them? - then the social sites - nothing but trash! - then eventually you just pull the wires out of your router and fling it in the bin with some bits of leftover chicken. Time passes, politicians come and go, vaccines are invented, distributed, mostly successful (with only a small amount of people instantly turning into tiny, angry lizards) and eventually the world passes through the danger period and back into something like normality! You, of course, miss this entirely and get on with your new hobby of writing subversive poetry on the walls in dollops of mouldy Marmite. Weirdly, you ARE happier.

Aquarius: Lockdown doesn’t seem to be getting to you too badly this month (whichever month it turns out to be). You did get to a bit of a peak when you were popping a Toblerone up your bum while playing kazoos just to get yourself ready for the next bloody Zoom meeting of the day, you now you’re limiting it to one bar per day and only using the two kazoos, you feel like you’ve hit your stride, found your flow, really made the most of every work-from-home hour the Lord sends. Ah, yes, the Lord truly has kept you to the virtuous path. Without your faith, you would never have got through the dark days. Sat there on his throne of Bourbons, wearing his Chocolate Finger crown. Slowly rotating on the lazy Susan you bought so you could efficiently respect His Majesty from any angle with a deft flick of the wrist (and a few Bourbons in the eyes if you get too excited). The mighty Lord. You assume his name was Lord. There were only a few letters you could read on the collar when you found him by the bins. Ah, yes. The bins. The biscuits. The Lord. The rapture. Amen.

Pisces: After popping to the door to bring in a food delivery, you notice the day looks quite pleasant for a change, pop a mask on and go for a nice walk. On the way back, you notice a ladder leant up against a tree, with a strange golden light shimmering from high in the branches. Climbing the ladder, you hear the sound of a party, people calling your name in joy, whistles and whoops, clapping and laughter. You tumble into the golden light and down a kind of shoot as a fanfare plays. The dazzling light fades, the noise abates gently and you are sat on your sofa. On the TV are the words “LEVEL 4: YODELLING GEESE”. The geese filling your living room immediately begin to yodel with anger.

---

By the sainted elbows of Bobby Tavistocke, we got there in the end. I may have been a little over-brutal with my use of the bum-hammer there, for which I apologise. Anyway, you have extracted your price once more and I have little left to give. Pick up your clothes and get out of my living room.

As usual, you may of course take a fairy cake. We’ve got the nice ones this week.

DEPART!

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botanicallyinclinednerd · 3 years ago

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black sails anon here -just finished the first season. binged it, more like. although the show hasn't been rotated (and simmered) in my mind yet like expired ramen in a microwave, i have a cluster of thoughts -but fresh out of the brain, so i'm just pointing and yelling "i love this" for the most of it

i love this show already and i estimate i will be hooked on it for the forseeable future. and damn the intro is a fucking masterpiece. john silver, that clever bastard (derogatory). rooting for max -i love her- she deserves better. i really liked billy. rip. flint likes his books and wants to run away but he's too far deep in the closet i imagine. i loved the battle scenes. mr scott is a treasure. i want charles vane dead. well, i want to kill him myself if he doesn't die soon enough. also i would love to be stabbed by anne bonny.

and this isn't your typical cishet pirate drama -absolutely loved the fact that they made that clear to the viewer right at the start. queerness is just an everyday thing here and i just. i feel seen, y'know. (and this was in 2014, too, so kudos to the creators & the writers)

quick sidenote, the phrase "we built a life where our pleasure isn't a sin" still rings in my ears.

Hi!!!! I'm so glad you liked the first season!!! And I agree with everything you just said, especially the Anne part 😂 Its such a good show! And as I promised, it is very queer and its done so respectfully as well. Thank you for updating me!! I loved hearing your thoughts! Feel free to do so with the other seasons as well!

#liv answers #black sails #black sails anon #i loved reading this ask!! im so glad youre liking it!!!

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italicwatches · 6 years ago

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My Hero Academia, season 2 - Episode 27

(Deku tank rollin’ on in chuggada chuggada chug)

SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH SMASH

what were we talking about?

…Oh, right, I recap anime for internet points.

Well we need some way to make December seem closer. It’s My Hero Academia, episode 27! Here we GO!

-PREVIOUSLY ON My Hero Academia, it was established that everyone would be getting an internship, and that Deku got picked by Gran Torino. Who is built like a super fighting robot.

-Opening! THERE’S that new opening! Okay, that’s pretty hype.

-PRESENTLY ON My Hero Academia, Gran Torino insists he tripped while carrying his lunch of ketchup-covered sausages. I refuse to believe this is true. Also he’s so very old and is acting like his brain is swiss cheese.

-Then he gets all serious, and asks Deku to suit up and throw a charged punch at him right now to see what he can contain… And when Deku tries to protest, Gran snaps around him like a pinball! A small, angry pinball, demanding Deku fire off a shot!

-Episode 27: Bizarre! Gran Torino Appears

-Mmm, there’s that tasty vintage anime episode title format.

-So he saw Deku’s fight. And you fought like a beast, a wild animal. All Might’s a hell of a hero, but he’s a pathetic teacher. Now suit up and get ready, brat!

-And thus, Deku gets a little more serious, as he gets a proper look at his suit…His new suit, to be precise. The professional supersuit company designed one proper for him based on the rough concepts of his original suit, with a look more suited to his actual personality and abilities. And the letter that came with it outright admits that the designer did it so it would look cooler. Deku is quietly realizing that the entire support industry is full of countless Meis.

-So where is my support-industry spinoff?!

-Anyways, it’s a pretty solid suit, with extra elements. Heavy padding on his gloves and boots to handle strong impacts, as well as solid pads at all the joints. A classic utility belt. An easily removed hood, and a collar-mask that abandons the faux-grin of his original for something more abstract and knightly. It’s an excellent suit to handle what he’s working with…And Gran Torino is getting real tired of Deku being so hesitant to let loose. To think the latest holder of One For All is such a wet blanket!

-And Deku’s left trying to figure out a plan. Gran Torino’s moving fast, but he doesn’t seem to be able to redirect himself in midair, just rebound. Deku doesn’t know what his Quirk’s mechanics are, but in a tight space with little cover, just shutting down that movement is key. So, draw in power…Just a little power…Wait, and when he comes in…STRIKE!

-It’s a solid plan. An excellent plan. But Gran Torino predicts it, slips around it, and catches Deku, pinning him to the ground! You’re a quick thinker kid, but your mind is in the wrong place. You’re letting comparisons to All Might and your duty are just slowing you down. …Now get to cleaning up, while he goes and gets food. And then he’s gone.

-Cut over to Tenya on patrol, working with the local pro Manual. Who has a fish theme. Things are generally quiet here; they work more on street patrol and working the beat than on being ready for big fights. And Manual’s honored that Tenya would pick their little agency to intern at…While Tenya, Tenya is just focused on trying to find a lead on Stain, on the bastard that took down his brother…!

-Speaking of, Stain is in front of Tomura and Kurogiri at their vaguely swanky styled bar, because they want to recruit him. And Tomura would sure like a proper killer who can help take down All Might…And some of these kids who proved far too presumptuous.

-…Yeah, Stain’s out. His whole deal is a very specific motive and focus, not some childish tantrum. He’s not just out, he draws a set of knives, ready to fight his way out.

-Back with Deku, he’s trying to sort out what Gran told him…And he starts to put together some ideas, as out comes the notebook. He’s been too busy thinking of One For All, and the smashes, as a special move, a singular technique, but it’s not…It’s a state of being! An enhanced state, a super mode! It can affect every movement, every thought and strategy! Yes, yes, he can use that! Soon he’s frantically making notes, as Gran listens in. The kid’s sharp as a tack, when he’s pointed at a problem the right way…

-To the center of Tokyo, where Katsuki finds himself working under the highest-rank hero who he could…And the man who’s going to be handling him, Best Jeanist, knows it. He doesn’t like the rough types…But that’s also why he put the call in. You’re good, Katsuki. You’re skilled, and he freely admits that. But, you’re brash. Rough. Violent. And above all, unfocused. Getting you to dial back and dial in, that’s his goal.

-So Katsuki’s pissed. And then he’s wrapped up in threads when he steps forward without paying enough attention. Threads under Best Jeanist’s control. The entire point of you being here, is to learn to hone yourself. To be a hero, and not just a natural disaster waiting to happen.

-Let’s see some others. Kirishima and Tetsutetsu are at the same agency. They’ve completely given up on fighting it and are just glad to be able to work hard, under the four-armed hero Fourth Kind, who wants to teach these two kids finesse. And some proper respect.

-He also lays out the unique nature of pro heroes as a lifestyle. There’s a base stipend from the government as your official employer, but this is not some office job of civil servitude, oh no.

-Cut to Ochaco working with Gunned on a patrol, as he continues a similar lecture. A lot of their job is about controlling crime, keeping it limited, since you can’t really prevent it. It’s ultimately a job of response, and paperwork. Lots, and lots, of paperwork, since filing your heroic actions is how you get paid beyond your stipend. Also, Ochaco’s thing for manly men with gentle hearts and hard abs is kind of kicking on full blast right now.

-To a local TV station, where the snake heroine Uwabami explains that heroes are allowed to do side work and promotions…For example, she’s about to do a commercial. Which her new interns for the week, Momo and a redheaded girl from class B, Kendo Itsuka, should stick around and watch. Itsuka is unsure, Momo is more ready to take any lesson she can get. And Uwabami outright admits she picked them because they’re cute and she likes cute girls.

-To Jiro working with the big man Death Arms, who’s making her do a lot of running. She is…Unhappy about this.

-Hard contrast to Mt. Lady, who is lounging and snacking and reading comics, while she makes the human trash clean her apartment. This is good.

-Tsu’s out helping a ship crew, and doing pushups with them.

-And then, to Shoto…Who’s working under his father, to make a point.

-To the end of the first night! Deku’s left all alone, still awake and trying to figure out anything about Gran Torino. But his record is…Spotty, at best, with little to no information on him available online. He taught at UA, so he has to be good, but he only taught for one year, so…

-So Deku puts that aside, and goes out to an empty part of town to think. Right now, he has to turn One For All on, and it takes some buildup. He needs to be able to just have a low-level amount of it going through an entire fight…And so he starts by focusing, putting a low amount of power into his legs as he stands in an alleyway, and makes a leap, trying to walljump!

-And cracks his face on the wall. This is a perfect test, because he has to be able to do it on sheer instinct. Ahead of time, he can see the plan; charge for a leap. Charge in his hands to take the impact, then a push from his legs to leap off the wall to the far one, where he repeats and repeats until he’s on the roof. None of the actions are actually that hard…But they all call for him to be able to flip back and forth, from hands to legs, in a split second.

-And he tries again, and again, as a pair of passersby just make damn sure it’s not their problem.

-By the time morning arrives…Deku never got any sleep, so now he’s exhausted and bruised when Gran checks on him. Also that gets him to briefly talk about how All Might was as a student.

-…The guy figured out the basic use of One For All pretty much right away, but he was such a meathead that getting tactics out of him was just a matter of practical training. Which is to say, he kept punching and punching and punching All Might every single day until he figured out how to actually fight.

-And it was what he had to do. His dear friend entrusted him with All Might’s training in the wake of his own passing…Which is the first Deku’s hearing about this. He doesn’t know about the seventh holder…

-But also they have a new microwave to replace the one Gran Torino shattered under his body yesterday. In go treats, as Deku keeps trying to figure it out…Also he didn’t make the food right because he put a plate too big for the microwave in so the food didn’t turn properly. …Wait…Wait wait wait!

-He always used the metaphor of a microwave. But his microwave at home was an old style, without the rotating platter. So he was always thinking of putting energy into one place, then stopping and putting it somewhere else. The way you do when cooking food in that kind of microwave. Not just suffusing it through his entire body at once! In that moment, Deku manages to pull it together, pulls on One For All, and manages to hold 5% across his frame…It’s tough. It’s intense. It’s like nothing he’s felt before. And it’s fucking amazing. He’s got to see how this works now!

-Credits! With fantasy versions of our heroes! So someone’s already done a big writeup on this as an entire setting, right? Also are we gonna talk about shirtless barbarian Katsuki and what I’m sure that did for the Deku/Katsuki shippers, or…?

Okay, that’s a hell of a way to open up the next wave. I cannot wait to see what comes next. We’ll find out next time, in episode TWENTY EIGHT of My Hero Academia! Wait for it!

#where I watch #recap #anime #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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ecotone99 · 4 years ago

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[UR] Narcissistic Freedom

Setting:

Night in the city was a dreary sight. Fog rolled in heavy soon as the sun had set and couldn't burn it away anymore. Homeless crawled out of the corners of the city like rats to sit down with towels and re-stitched blankets, crumpled beanies, and fingerless cotton gloves near blackened with dirt. With their cardboard pillows and canned food, they asked for contribution as men and women in business suits ignored focusing instead on the neon signs ahead, their Bluetooth headphone-smartphone combos muting the post-work world. Skyscrapers towered cold and austere above, dotted with yellows and whites of apartment lights. Above, watching their movie alone or having microwaved dinners. Downtown sound was one mass conversionary bustle, loud laughs, and louder drunken ones. Groups huddled together close talking and joking to create the warmth with one another that the city would not provide, and individuals walked fast, looking steely and destination bound. Parks which would be filled with children in the morning were now campgrounds for people whose lives didn't go the way they thought it would as tired business people drank margaritas in a bar, maybe more lonely than the collective inhabiting the playground.

Start:

Freedom! Great terrible freedom.

Finally out of the bleak 70 hour a week accelerated 3 year career track starter pack. Handed in the notice to the hour of my arrival. No exaggeration, even checked the cliché of a wristwatch.

What once encompassed all my waking hours in audit has dropped to a reasonable 9to5 in industry.

But every time something is reduced, something comes to take its place. The curse of freedom. Protestant work ethic. The burden of responsibility. Having to think. To choose a new path. Choose to do something or nothing. But there's only one right answer to satisfy my younger self, who believed that complacency was death. So what should I do then, freedom?

Evening sunset after work. Sizzling leftovers rotating in the microwave. Silent except for the chewing and the rain against high rise apartment glass. Muted TV dances colors and ideas to occupy. Done, plates washed, freedom, Macintosh. NO, go back to freedom. Look into the world again as something to act in, to shape. All these connections in my head. Fertile soil. Ideas roaring loud and then halt. Feels like its crystallized. Seed yearning to grow. All that’s left is to act. Can't just sit here. Doesn't matter what I do. Just gotta get out.

Well then. I've got some good money. Don't spend often. Early retirement sounds too good- freedom right around the corner. But I'll consider tonight an investment. The miming weatherman on the TV says it'll rain again. Pull on the summer jacket on a warm night- for the look. Lift the keys off the screw hammered into the plaster wall. Helmet and gloves under arm, one handed open, lock the door behind. Motorcycle roars to life in the basement garage. Kickstand up. City lamps glow yellow recede alongside the skyline. Car tires sigh. Wet streets mirror neon traffic lights. The dark churning sky periodically webs up electric blue briefly before the rumbling aftershock.

Through the door, the storming world ends where the warmth of the wooden bar begins. A comfortable buzz of conversation fills the air. Live calm rock plays on the small stage to the left. Smells of warm beer and bacon-hamburger leverage hunger. Walking to the bar, a thousand colored, calligraph labeled gems present themselves as vodka, tequila, whiskey, rum, and gin.

In here shoulders relax as if a weight were taken off. Order a drink at the stool. “Beer”, don't care what kind. “Surprise me.”

After a few sips, look to the band. Damn, looks good waving her hips slow in that tight black skirt. Sings well too. Wonder how it'd be to do all that, just sing and make music, to shift and shape the mood of a place til its just right. So the house goes happy and talkative. Gotta be a hell of a psychologist.

Pool tables at the back. Two white haired old men. One in cargo shorts and black T-shirt has large hands like a tradesman. Another with a kitten T-shirt, headband, and glasses- comparatively small but intelligent and confident- probably a business owner. An inebriated aging woman with them dances around silly and pretty so the old men smile and enjoy their retired nights a little more. Playfully whines as she misses a pool shot.

Deep sigh with a half-done drink and lean against the edge of the bar. Watches people dancing on the small space of the floor open in front of the musicians. Even if I couldn't hear it I'd know what was being played. It's that kind of music that makes you want to move just that way.

Taps the notes of the song against his pant leg like a piano he learnt young. But remembers what he's come here to do, and piano fingers aint it. So he starts tapping his foot to the beat instead, large and dumb and social. Takes a sip of beer, and comments on the music to the guy next to him who doesn't look like he wants to talk. I was right. At least he responded. How about the one on the other side? Listen to a couple more songs. In the corner of his eye, Tom sees whiskey go down and adams apple bobs against stubble shaved neck. He's looking forward, as if asking for conversation.

"Where you from?" Tom asks loud over the sound of the music and chatter.

There's a pause as the man's 'other' scan ensues, then "Seattle. I grew up around here, stayed for business" the businessman says roughly and gruffly but more receptive than the other.

"Ya? Well what do you do?"

"I'm a partner with the PwC office. One of the guys who runs the place." Guy said it proud, like he deserved respect and awe. Probably used to that sort of thing. Young upstarts spoil these fuckers.

"Huh. How many years you been doing that?"

"16"

Nodding, Tom turned back round to the music. No need to rush it. The guy wants to talk about himself. Can see it in those motherfucking eyes. Sip of beer. Glad I can't truly get drunk or I'd be too honest to play this game. Music goes along its track and the dancers follow suit.

Can tell the game of pool is won. The high-pitched voice of the silly pretty woman shouting victory double hand high-fiving her white haired tradesman partner. The retiree in the kitten shirt acting displeased as if he cared about the competition in the first place, but really he's just doing it so she can gloat playfully.

"Ya, I work at the EY as an auditor. Been working there for about 2 years now." Tom said knowing the guy wouldn't ask.

"Two years? Hah, you've got a long way to go. Stick with it kid, it gets better. Trust me." God gruffly proclaimed, "I hated those early years. Feels like watching paint dry."

"You certainly wouldn’t get that impression from the new grad corporate propaganda"

"We do that so we can lock em in. Recruiting would be a pain in the ass otherwise." Smiling facetiously, he bobbed whiskey. At least he's honest. "…Then they say, 'it's not that bad I guess', ha-ha" he laughed with whiskey breath hot brushing Tom's face.

Tom laughed politically and brushed his fingers across his moustache as a means of feeling sensation and to fill in the imperfect silence of a half second not having anything to say. Took another drink of beer to get rid of that.

"Bastards" looking the businessman keenly in the eye. Break

Looked across the bar, saw a young woman in a tight black cocktail dress, wide collar which hugged the edge of the shoulders and bottom which stopped above the knees. Brown hair tied up in an artistic knot behind her head. Small, cute, and sexy shouted from the black purse over the side of her chair. She was leaning chest forward towards the bar, smiling at a suited career man mid-forty peaking salt and pepper. She was playing with him, could see it in her eyes. Salt knew her game and played his strengths. He probably had a lot of women. Plenty of young ones like her too. Business execs and young women go together like bratwurst and wine.

Tom felt an attraction to her and a slight smile come onto his face as he watched her. Pepper talking confidently, and her playfully patting the back of his arm when he told something witty, or that he thought was witty at least.

Tom and Partner found racquetball in common and agreed to play the next day. Business cards change hands. Pepper and Sexy left together. Disappointing.

That night, in the excel spreadsheet was marked: Row; executive #23. Columns; name, phone number, company, hobbies and interests, where from, where met, and leads. Teeth brush, wash face, sleep.

Visions of the wide tomorrow flood mind as consciousness is left on the pillow. Freedom has given way to something.

Early morning rise, checks his spreadsheet, closes the laptop. Finds the address in a text sent last night from Seattle's favorite PwC Partner.

Grabs his duffle bag with clothes, towel, glove, racket, balls, headband, and goggles. Flipped the strap over his shoulder, keys off the screw. Roaring motorcycle to the corporate style gym holding 50 levels of condominium above. First day of his new membership. Ya I go there all the time, he said. $50 a month for endless potential. Scanned his fresh plastic bar code. Walked past the counter. Scratched his neck and sees Sexy on the treadmill. Notice one another but neither acts on familiarity. Men's bathroom, naked old men with white towels in the locker room. Well-presentable gym shorts and shirt on. Well washed to look used, new so he would fit in. Fixed his hair. Neat but not overbearingly so. Back into the open, chest out shoulders back, confident and relaxed. Shake hands with the face of PwC in front of the glass-wall racquetball courts. "Meet [so and so] [executive numbers 24, 25, and 26.] And this is Hank, he's the handyman." A game of singles to warm up, then cutthroat. Tom starts with #23, Mr. PwC at the bar to see how good he is. Close game, plays hard, but, what, I shouldn't beat him on the first try should I. Oh, what a surprise, I lost. Handshake and good game, but show a little frustration.

Mix it up and cutthroat with handyman Hank and #25. Fuck, the handyman hits rollers.

Shower and change into fresh respectable clothes, also new. To lunch. Three dollar signs on google maps, nice. "We met at the Chamber of Commerce." Huh, take note of that. Hell, I'm going to have to fill a notebook when I get back. But just nod as if you've heard it all before. Politics. But an hour and the city gains color. Maybe the mimosa? Let the guard down a little. Pretty funny guys. Laid back. Why am I still acting like I'm playing politics? "Ya, absolutely. I'll see you all next Sunday!"

Grey again- work. Weekend comes. Sits at the bar earlier this time, now more confident in overcoming freedom. It'd be better to see the people filter in than to sit at home. Beer. Surprise me. Sexy comes in with a navy hugging dress this time, hair tied up but let down when she walks in. She's probably the same age as me. Share glances as she's passing and a first-time full body 'other' scan meets approval. She smiles this time. He looks after her with a residual response smile and then shakes his head to himself. Man, look at the way she walks in those high heels. Moon rises. Conversations grow warm. Kitchen heats up. Pool balls click. Singer brings out the psychological stew. Did you miss it? There's the end of the world right there and into the new.

Sexy sits at the other side of the bar. The men shift like magnets, and sooner than you'd think. She leaves with one of them again.

Time, time, time. Time that no one cares about. Routine. Grey work. Racquetball’s got some color, but it's back to grey at the bar. She's there before him one of these nights. Hasn't got a guy next to her this time. "I'll fix that." Well, they talk a little. Its politics. Act so I get what I want, but be patient. Nights come and go according to the game. But one night, starting to get bored, forget to play politics. It turns out better than he'd thought. The routine of the bar takes on a new color and it's their color.

Long weekend from work one of these times.

"You want to do something then?"

"Sure" Sam responded.

Freedom?

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