#ysfslwftca

[galaxythreads]

anyways, so opening this document went exactly like this:

[platypusisnotonfire]

@galaxythreads you slam both these buttons so well and we all love you for it

the whump fan’s dilemma

[galaxythreads]

hey. hey. guess who just finished you screamed for so long we forgot to care anymore in a sprint worthy of a roman tale of gods?

Chapter 14 on Friday the 27th, everyone!

[galaxythreads]

I reread chapter 13 of YSFSLWFTCA today and whoa Thor needs therapy

[galaxythreads]

Chapters: 14/14

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Avengers Team & Loki, Clint Barton & Loki, the avengers as family, Loki & Thor (Marvel)

Summary:

Five months after Thor drags his half-dead brother to Earth to plead asylum, things take a turn for the worse. With the older Asgardian out of commission and a sizeable threat overshadowing them, Clint becomes aware of two facts: One: Loki was tortured, mind-controlled, and manipulated into attacking Earth. Two: Loki knows none of this. (gen, no smut)

spoilers with no context 

[galaxythreads]

Clint reaches out and clasps Loki's cold, boney hand, in the way that Thor wanted to six months ago but didn't trust himself to.

"Please just wake up, Grumpy-L."

Loki doesn't.

From @galaxythreads INCREDIBLE fic "You Screamed For So Long We Forgot to Care Anymore", go give it a read on AO3!

CW: Injuries and scarring under the cut

[galaxythreads]

Ysfslwftca❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

<3<3<3 I stg I'm STILL rotating the epilog around in my brain and it will get done eventually. There's like 4-6 very specific scenes I have planned for it, it's just kinda the stuff in the middle.

[galaxythreads]

[whispers] why did loki have steve's jacket in ysfslwftca? was there a specific scene for this interaction that didn't make it to the final draft?

[whispers back] because I wanted to torment everyone.

No, it actually is from a deleted scene. There's a lot of deleted stuff from ysfslwftca that I do plan to post into Avengers: The Rubbish Bin--where all my deleted scenes for fics or abandoned fics go--when I get the aftermath chapter posted.

I might end up using this scene in the aftermath chapter, but you're welcome to look at it anyway. It wasn't ever finished. Loki was going to look over the scene from the helicarrier after Thor attacked it and have a minor panic attack about it, and Steve was going to give him his jacket to help with the panic.

This is somewhere after he leaves Clint's hospital room after they agree to remove the memories.

---

He can’t stop looking at the pictures. The dead, mangled bodies, so peaceful in death, staring up at the cameras without a care in the world. It’s haunting. He can see the burns across their skin from lightning strikes, the dull, painfilled stare of the Chitauri’s stare. The burned flesh of the gunshot wounds. 

It naustates him. 

What, Loki wonders with dread, did the Midgardians expect to gain by taking pictures? He finds himself almost addicted to the horrific, bloody sight, like it’s a fixation he can’t stop looking at. Violence is addictive. Perhaps this is just a way to curb the latest craving. He can’t stop looking. 

He goes over the crime scene photos from the Helicarrier over and over again, as if he can gain some sort of new information by staring hard or long enough, straining his eyes until the very socket is tired. But he doesn’t stop looking. 

He finds what he was looking for originally after a time, and he stares at Nathan Swenson’s dead body on the screen for longer than he cares to admit. He feels nothing for the man. He should be horrified or grieved, knowing that he’s dead, but Loki doesn’t even remember him. Not truly. Flashes of a voice, memories that feel like they belong to someone else. Loki was Nathan Swenson’s nightmare. Perhaps it’s only fitting that he become Loki’s. 

The man is hidden among the dead agents. Loki knows that the Chitauri were attempting to hide the assassination of this man behind a massacure, but with the knowledge of the tether, and what it’s for, Loki finds that it’s easy to see beyond it. All of these others lives were collateral damage. Fifteen agents died. Dozens more were badly injured. Thor freed all of the Chitauri captive on the ship. 

And yet, the true purpose, was Nathan Swenson, hidden among the other bodies. 

Loki wonders if Swenson managed to sleep again before he died. The thought only makes his low mood manage to drag itself deeper somehow. Loki releases a soft breath, then, with careful fingers, he sets the tablet he borrowed from Tony down on his lap and takes a long swing of the alcohol he stole. It takes bitter and strangely bubbly, dragging down his throat. It’s painful. 

Gods. 

Who’s grand idea was it to make Earth’s alcohol hurt? 

Loki grimaces, wiping at his mouth compulsively as if that will actually help, and looks back down at the photos. He finds himself going through them again, staring at the violence and trying to feel something other than numb. The bottle grows further empty, but the mind-deadening relief he hates doesn’t come.

He doesn’t want to think anymore. Norns, his thoughts are too heavy. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been hiding in this tiny washroom, drinking himself sick and staring at horrors, but it must have been enough. Steve opens the door. They hold a long stare before the captain’s mouth pushes into a thin line and he steps inside the room. The sound of the door closing makes Loki flinch. 

He blinks dully. 

Steve slides down along the wall next to him, accidentally bumping his knee against Loki’s. It stays there. Loki doesn’t fight it. He’s too tired. The alcohol bottle hangs loosely between his fingers by the neck. 

Steve looks over at the tablet, sighs, and then plucks it from his lap. “You’re torturing yourself going over this, you know that?” he asks, flipping the cover over the front and turning it off. 

Loki frowns at him, trying to draw up the energy to be annoyed but only managing to scrape up apathetic. “I’m reminiscing.” 

Steve’s eyebrows raise. “About what?” 

Loki smiles at him. The expression feels vicious. “How monstrous I truly am.” He gestures with his chin toward the tablet, “Look at them, captain. Have you seen the horror of it? All of them are dead because of me.” 

Steve stares at him. 

Loki wishes he would shout. It’s what he’s expecting. He tries to think of what his family would do if they found him like this. Odin would yell at him, certainly. Or perhaps he’d just stare at Loki in judgemental, angry silence until Loki apologized. Frigga would dote and act concerned but chide him. Thor would…Loki doesn’t know. Maybe Thor would join him. Maybe he’d yell, too. 

Loki takes a swig of the alcohol, grimacing. 

Ah. 

Perhaps that’s why Midgardians designed it to hurt. It’s recompense. The punishment they all deserve but can’t enact upon themselves. 

“This wasn’t your fault.” Steve says at length. 

“No?” Loki asks, a bitter laugh bubbling out of him. “I’m the reason the Chitauri are here in the first place. My memories are what Thor is currently bound to destroy. Nathan Swenson’s life is over because I decided to attack this gods-forsaken planet over a petty grudge!” Loki blinks rapidly several times. His chest is heaving. The energy deflates from him as rapidly as it arrived. Miserable, Loki asks, “Did you know that Swenson had a partner? That he had a son?” 

“Loki,” Steve says, pained. He’s shaking his head. 

“I didn’t. I didn’t care to know apparently.” Loki looks at the amber liquid sloshing inside the bottle. He wishes that it helped more. He would give almost anything to feel numb right now. He sighs heavily, closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the wall. 

His fingers, healed and whole, maintain their grip on the stupid, stupid bottle. 

“Swenson wasn’t your fault any more than it was Thor’s. It was the Chitauri.” Steve says. 

“You say that like it removes the absence of choice.” 

Steve’s brow draws together. “That’s…that exactly what I’m saying. You didn’t have a choice to attack Earth. You didn’t choose to do that. You were pointed at us. Would you choose to attack New York now?"

Loki shakes his head. "No, of course not."

"And you'd say you're in your right mind?"

"As much as I ever am."

---

*steve gives loki his jacket*

[galaxythreads]

Every time i fall asleep i hear the words he had the most gentle soul. Doesnt matter how much time has passed since i read the fic, ill be going down the street and think he had the most gentle soul. This line has been ingraved on my brain. It haunts me. It changed me as a person. I want it on my tombstone. The first time i read this line i just stared at the wall for a minute. Thank you for this thing you have introduced into my life <3

this was really, really well-timed. thanks <3 I actually went and reread ysfslwftca chapter 13 yesterday and I was really proud of myself. Like dang girl, good job. I guess I keep forgetting that I can write. Like that's a thing I'm.....good....at.

[galaxythreads]

total number of deals Thanos has sold in chapter 14: 3

thank you @worstloki, this made my life.

Me: trying to make a point that thanos is manipulative

the joke:

all I could think of during Thanos' plan reveal in the final chapter of You Screamed For So Long We Forgot To Care Anymore by @galaxythreads was Thanos' POV on the whole thing.

[galaxythreads]

YSFSLWFTCA is an impressive work, but it's the first time I've seen the short version of the title and jfkskjdhdjdj what a combination of random letters

ik. not the title i wanted, but it was 2am and it blew up basically overnight, so i didn't get to change it. it was supposed to be you and i, you are I; but I couldn't remember that and I'll use that for a different fic. I generally don't name fics until I'm posting them.

but as an fyi just generally, I always shorten the fic titles like that and tag them on my tumblr. YSFSLWFTCA has a ton of posts on my tumblr

[galaxythreads]

Hi I’m a little late but congrats for completing YSFSLWFTCA! Beautiful writing and characterisation as always. I really admire your tenacity to power through despite writing sometimes might feel like hitting at a mountain with a chisel. It’s a wild ride and it felt like an impromptu road trip, the kind where you never forget. The whole thing with thanos and his deals was funny too, like he’s some kind of shady businessman (intended as an ao3 comment, but I’m shy and ao3 doesn’t allow anon)

first off: thank you so much!! this is so sweet and I really appreciate you reaching out to tell me this. It did not occur to me that Thanos' handing deals out left and right was as funny as it was until @worstloki made a bunch of memes about it (which is glorious).

And yeah, ysfslwftca was definitely a mountain. It stretched me in a lot of bad and good ways, but I'm very glad the bulk of it is over. I need a break.

Second: a03 does let you leave anon comments. When you put your email into the comment section, that's just so if the author replies, you'll get a notification about it. But this is what I receive as the author of the story:

you can change the name to be anything though

but there is nothing for me to click on, unlike with registered users, where it's underlined to show it's a link:

i can click on this name and it will take me to their profile. With guests, you have a name, but that's literally it. No one gets your email. I was really nervous about that too when I joined a03 because it's not clear, but you are 100% anonymous. Trust me, there have been plenty of nasty commenters I would like to have blocked, but I can't because they don't have a profile.

anyway, long story short, thank you. this means so much. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story.

[galaxythreads]

Reverse Ask Game - #2, My favorite chapter in a fic of yours

I didn't even have to go back and look. I already knew. Chapter 5 of YSFSLWFTCA. I mean the whole fic is fantastic, but the one scene of them conversing on the bunk bed, in the half light, while the exhausted team sleeps on is one of my favorites of all time. So much vulnerability and trust and care and concern all conveyed through touch and broken ASL. As a Clint/Nat shipper you killed me with that passage.

asdflkja;sdflkjadf 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 thank you. That was hands down one of my favorite scenes to write in that fic, aside from the cafeteria scene. You're so sweet.

[galaxythreads]

tagging @sunsets-on-mars hi, sorry. thought this would be easier if it was all one post. :) thanks for the ask!

^ referring to the still-not-written epilog that exists in my mind and is rotated around like something in the microwave

^ to be completely honest, I have no idea what the clue was. huh.

I listened to this story last week on ff.net's app and I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. Big confidence boost for myself.

I am still thinking about the epilog chapter of this fic. I just. Don't do things. because I am the not-fun mentally ill. Circling in the microwave, I promise

CHAPTER 10:

based off of a very real conversation I had with my best friend where she told me that she was angry "on your behalf not at you, before you get any silly self-deprecating ideas" then later she called me a self deprecating bastard or something like that, and it made me laugh really hard because i mean. yeah. i am and she, who has been on the receiving end of lots of my panic attacks, knows that intimately.

For some reason people only describe the temperature of hands when they're cold in writing and it annoys me. No. Warm. Warm warm warm!

with retrospect, I'm still not sure how Clint would react to this, but it feels slightly off to me. I rewrote this scene a lot with different perspectives though, and this is just what I ended on.

my friend (same one from earlier) says this all the time when she has a headache. congratulations, it's now memorialized forever. She even texted me after reading this chapter and was like "uhhhh. I say this??" and I was like :) I know.

-dreams

and the reason behind this:

and

also this is just funny, but apparently in my 90,000+ word story i only used the word "malfunction" once

loki, before this fic: I'm going to put all my memories of the torture in their heads and then when I have a trial on Asgard, I'll go collect them. This way, Thanos can't do anything to them before the invasion is over :)

Hulk:

Loki:

Hulk: :)

Loki: :(

If Loki hadn't gotten The Concussion then he would have collected the memories and this story wouldn't have happened.

-

Frigga being an awful mother was something I just went ALL at this fic. Like i viewed Odin as just being emotionally immature, but Frigga and her kids have got enmeshment issues to rival the Winchesters.

-

^ THE point of the fic I was trying to make by having the Avengers become friends with Loki first and then learn about the mind control after.

-

This entire civil war side plot was based off of this fic I read forever ago and have never been able to find since where Asgard collectively went "no" and then abandoned Asgard with Loki to go to Earth. Natasha had magic and people who HAD magic were NBs. It was cool. I never finished it, but I think about it often. Like whoops, THAT is now a permanent part of my psyche.

-

this folks, is Foreshadowing

-

Steve is done with everyone's BS. Also me projecting the Steve I wish we'd gotten in Endgame, where he put his family first rather than a woman he barely knew.

-

Yknow, it was intentionally meant to be ambiguous on whether or not Thanos had a spy in the castle or if Odin lied to Frigga about Loki and just tortured him anyway even though an illusion would have worked. Mostly because I didn't decide myself.

-

hey.

yeah.

Loki didn't do CPR when Clint got struck by lightning. He transferred a considerable part of his life force to save Clint's life. Hence why he ended up mostly dead.

Note that CPR was not mentioned here. ;)

-

odin expecting THIS ^:

Tony, who is tired:

-

plot-wise, this conversation was entirely for Frigga. This his how she comes to the conclusion that she needs to do something drastic to the Avengers in order to get them to help her.

THE moment that Frigga's like. Okay. Okay then.

-

THOR WAS ABSUED TOO THOR WAS ABUSED TOO THOR WAS ABSUED T

-

one of the things that i found really interesting while working on this story is that litchenburg marks actually rarely scar. most of the time it's just like a burn that fades in a few days. kinda weird.

-

clint's favorite food are sandwiches and I will die on this hill.

-

-

this is, again, what we call Foreshadowing. Also Thanos in this story is the Deal Fairy.

-

"Clint laughs, “Okay, okay, okay. Oh! Great. A captive audience. I’ve gotta tell you about this thing. Apparently, they developed this bionic lens thing in May that can give you perfect vision regardless of what you started with, which is super cool. I was just thinking that if something like that could be developed for hearing aids…” "

lost my right to images. :(

anyway, this is a real thing that happened in 2015 and it's cool.

-

Loki leaves soon after that to eat something and get some sleep to prepare. A few minutes after that, Natasha, with half her hair wet still soaking wet, climbs onto the hospital bed beside him and lays her head on his shoulder.

^ also this didn't happen. implanted memory from Frigga. If you're wondering when the switch happens, yeah. I don't know. You're not supposed to know either.

-

"Clint is still nineteen, waiting for his brother to beat his body into a dumpster again, his ears ringing and screaming. 

He’s always nineteen."

CONFESSION TIME OF THE CONFESSIONS:

yeah so originally Barney did show up. I have an alternate version of chapter 11 almost completely written where Clint was held captive by him, but it was just not working. I kept circling around the question of why Barney was there at all, because it just didn't make sense.

But I had neatly backed myself into a corner and had no idea what to do, so I did some frantic back tracking and replanning. You actually don't know this, but I did go back in and edit some stuff into this to make the next chapter work. I can't remember exactly why I decided to do a time loopy-thing, but that's just sort of what happened?

Proof I'm not a lying liar, and in case you're curious:

LE PLAN ALTERNATIF:

11. Clint dreams of Thanos, then is taken to their temporary base. Thor asks if Clint liked the little stint and Clint's like no, my guy, I really didn't. Clint tries to convince Thor of what going on and Thor doesn't care. The Chitauri say he has to kill him and Thor hesitates and they spare no brutality. Thor attempts to kill Clint and he can't. The Chitauri attempt similar and are deeply annoyed. They determine they have to find other ways of removing the memories. Clint's like, and, uh, why exactly do we care about that? And the Chitauri say that thanos has made powerful allies and the memories will compromise that. (sigyn plus co are working with thanos unknowing what's happening). The Chitauri force Clint to sleep with the mind stone and forcefully pull the memories from his head painfully.  Clint dreams of Loki. They talk and Loki says that they need to find them. He hands Clint a tracking device Tony made and Clint wakes up with it in his hand. 

12. Barney takes care of Clint after and comments on the scarring and Clint is like do Not ™ Barney says that he's missed him and Clint has too, but not enough to put himself through it again. The Chitauri come back and do something. Barney gives Clint a hug. The avengers arrive and they tear the compound apart. Say they had no intention of letting Asgard know what was going on. Loki removes the mind control from Thor and Thor is horrified. Loki promises everything will be okay. they arrive back at the compound and Loki, after carefully setting Thor down, shoves Mjolnir into Odin's hands. LOKI ALSO USES THE MIND STONE TO SEVER THE CONNECTION WITH THE MOTHERSHIP. 

13. Loki takes care of Thor's injuries. Then Clint's. Natasha wraps herself around him. Clint finds Loki later and Loki and Clint talk about the mind control. Clint tells Loki the sources of the scars. the Chitauri had been coming to remove the rest of his memories from the last year or so. Loki says that he's sorry. He says he thinks he did it because he was worried thanos would try to do something like this, he intended to come collect the memories or someone during the trial he never had. On Asgard the accused is allowed to collect evidence under chaperone. Thor wakes up and is confused and disoriented. Loki assures him that he's safe and Thor tries to stab himself, insisting that they can't make him do anything and he won't hurt his brother. Loki manages to get him called down. 

14. Loki wakes up screaming again. He can’t remember when he is and tries to get away from everything. The Avengers and co wake him up and they talk for a bit before settling back down around the bed to go back to sleep. Thor is still weak, but he’s managing. Frigga insists that she needs to talk with him and asks him how he is. Says that Asgard could greatly use his help in discovering who was behind his kidnapping and with the war. Thor is exhausted. There’s another shouting match that ends about as well as the first one. Loki is irritated. They talk about their parents in extreme frustration. Loki goes to check on Clint again and Clint is going through reports on Barney. Keeps watching the interrogation. Loki asks him about it and they commemorate on crappy families. Clint asks Loki if he has any idea whose behind the attacks. Loki says he doesn’t know. He’s not sure who would reach out to Thanos. The Tower is attacked. 

15. Sigyn almost kills Odin. Loki stops her and Sigyn reveals that she’s the one who was behind the whole thing. She collapses into weeping in Loki’s arms at the fact he is still alive. Loki says that it’s over now. Sigyn said that she promised that she would help Thanos because he told her what happened. Loki explains that he’s okay. Sigyn and Odin come to a tentative agreement. Sigyn says that she’ll withdraw her realm from the war now knowing that Loki is alive and well, but only if it stays that way. Odin agrees. Odin apologizes to Loki and Loki says he can stick his apology up his butt. Odin says that he has a score to settle with Thanos and he’ll send word when it’s over. Loki says peace out sucker and Odin and the Asgardians leave.

btw, just as a fun aside, anything in caps was me making a realization on why something happened, lol.

-

CHAPTER 11:

"It occurs to me," the voice is smooth, collected. A balm on wounds too infected and raw for him to do anything but whimper at anymore. His entire body locks up beneath the sound, tensing against the hard ground. "That it has been some time since we had one of our talks.""

hey, this is actually referenced earlier in the fic ;)

"The name feels familiar to Clint, like it's from some sort of distant memory. A cold, itching sensation crawls up his back. It occurs to me that it has been some time since we had one of our talks. He can't place the voice. Or the memory."

ch 9 ^

-

this entire dream sequence was actually one of the first dreams I wrote for Clint and I decided this one was just a little Too messed up to put in right away.

Plus, in my head, Loki's memories were appearing to Clint in chronological order, so this scene was actually one of the last conversations (if not THE last) conversation Thanos and Loki have. Definitely the last one before Loki was given the scepter.

-

"The world is blurring above him. Blinking in and out of focus. Bright light, dark ceiling. Empty sky, hot blinding sun, it vanishes again. His head is throbbing. He can't feel his toes. Everything is silent. A shudder of cold washing through his veins. Fingers wrapping around his arms. Being hauled somewhere. Dragged. The ground feels like sand, but when he tries to look it's concrete."

^ Clint is in wyoming. Before the illusion even starts, he can tell something is wrong.

-

Christmas - 1987 was a reference to a very specific memory, but I can't remember what it was and I'm so annoyed with myself :(

-

The Park - August 25th, 1989; - the date of the park incident, when Barney's dad got them into a car crash

Driving Lesson - July 3rd, 1996 - driving away from a crime scene with Barney when he was like 13? 12? I moved Clint and natasha's ages closer together in this fic because jeremy renner is 14 years older than Scarlet Johanson? and err. Yeah. no. some peoeple can make age gaps work and it's good and healthy, I just, yeah. didn't want to?

Proposal - January 4th, 2011 - As I mentioned earlier in part 1 of the Lore, Natasha and Clint are married in this fic.

-

"I don't know," Clint hisses between gritted teeth, looking up at him. His abdomen is pulsing underneath his fingers. He's the right kind of nauseous that throwing up would definitely help. "Kinda the whole problem here isn't it? Are you that desperate for him to kill me? Actually, for that matter, why in God's name did you not just shoot me in that hallway? Does it really matter if Thor does the deed that much—?"

"why did you not just shoot me in the hallway" was the question i couldn't figure out an answer to and had to change the entire chapter for, lol.

-

"I do wonder," the voice is behind him now, and Clint whirls, grabbing the first thing in the box—a whisky bottle with a pealing sticker what the? what type of madness encourages someone to put that in a Christmas box?

it's because Clint is literally pulling things from the memories. If he reached into Proposal, he might have actually been able to pull Natasha out of it, lol.

-

"Agent Barton," he sighs, softly, sympathetic, "you really don't seem to understand how this game works. If you had simply let me interrogate you as your brother, perhaps we wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures."

if you pay attention to this scene, you'll notice that the speech patterns that I use here are a lot closer to what would be said in the Loki 2021 series, not Loki from 2011-2013. Yes, this was a jab at the Loki series, but it was also kind of just how it worked out. Loki sounds off, on purpose, because this is how Frigga thinks that he talks now that he's "evil."

-

He stares at Loki's eyes, blue, but not scepter-blue. Loki has green eyes. 

Frigga's eye color is bleeding into every character she plays.

-

"Clint frantically backs into his mind, cornering himself behind walls of nothing.

And he finds himself falling.

down

down

down

And crashing."

Clint retreating into his subconcious. Frigga didn't do this, which is why she has to chase him. In the unfinished epilog, a lot of time is dedicated to dealing with Clint's trauma around all of this ^, which is why it didn't really come up before chapter 14.

-

"Your father and your mother…I think they were wrong to keep such an important fact from you. Biology dictates life." The master says. "You had the right to know yourself."

Loki stares at him, bewildered. "I…I did?"

The master tilts his head, "Why wouldn't you?"

^ Clint earlier, "you had the right to konw your own story"

anyone telling Loki that Odin was not cool to keep the Jotun thing a secret unfortunately, to Loki, immediately makes him pact bond with them, regardless of if it's good for his health.

-

After a long, weighted moment, Loki squeezes his arm, his face creasing as Clint flinches beneath the contact, "Just breathe. Everything is okay. You're safe, as is everyone else. This is real, I promise."

^ Clint and the other Avengers spent the beginning of this story assuring Loki that everything was real, Loki returning the favor. What happened to Clint is the type of disorientation that Loki faced.

-

"I'M TRYING TO FIND MY SON!" Frigga roars, an edge of wildness crossing through her features.

yknow. I did actually think that Frigga would be somewhat sympathetic in this fic, just driven to a single goal, and actually everyone hated her. that was kind of funny to me.

-

“No,” Tony agrees, “but it’s not about you either. Loki was suffering and it bothered you, so you did something that helped you feel better. Not him. Good job. Pro parenting skills there. Really selfless and everything.”

not me, projecting all my issues with my parents into this fic and wishing someone would say this to me :)

(please hug me)

-

“You look terrible,” Tony says apropos of nothing. “You kinda seem to be into the half-dead look lately.” Bruce smacks the engineer’s arm pointedly. Tony rubs at his arm, turning to him sharply, “ Ow. What?” 

The exchange is so normal that it almost hurts. Like they didn’t all die a few hours ago. 

“ Timing,” Bruce laments. 

SHERLOCK: Murder weapon and scene of the crime all at once. (He laughs with delight.) SHERLOCK: Oh, this case, Henry! Thank you. It’s been brilliant. JOHN: Sherlock ... SHERLOCK (turning to him): What? (John glares at him pointedly.) JOHN: Timing. SHERLOCK: Not good?

Sherlock s2e2

-

“It is,” Loki agrees, “But neither the Chitauri nor Thanos, the man in charge of them, have any sort of magic. I don’t know who cast the spell,” Loki admits, shaking his head, “perhaps the Chitauri roped in an unlucky third party.” 

Fooooreshadowinnnnggg

-

Gregson barely refrains from rolling his eyes. “So obviously this means that someone just got their lightning gun out of the workshop. You would not believe how many calls we got about that.”

^ Gregson and Bell appearance from Elementary, as per normal in all my fics. Lol. if i did lore specifically about every time they make a cameo, you guys will realize just how insane I am.

also this is almost an exact dialog steal from elementary s6e???

-

His voice is both relieved and thick as he says, “Let's get him home." 

this was a scene i had written in a document attached to this other fic I was going to write forever ago. I updated it and put it in this fic. It was good to finally get to use it somewhere.

-

ahhhh right, just looked at the author's note for chapter 12. yeah, in case you guys are wondering, no. Things have not improved with my parents. It's almost been a year and we've had exactly 0 (zero) conversations about me coming out since. But honestly, you guys were so supportive and it literally saved my life. I very seriously considered suicide a lot in the following weeks, but I had your support to lean on.

God, i was not functional after that conversation. I barely got out of bed for three weeks. The only thing that forced me into functioning was when someone sent me an ask on tumblr asking why mcu was so proud to be ignorant adn I wrote up 10 page essay on Michael Waldron and the state of MCU. That really helped. Thanks anon. <3

-

NOVEMBER: 

He thinks that he should remember how he got here. 

lol. Just remembered that the time skip was NOT clear and I had to go back and add the months so we could keep this straight.

-

Dr. Cho sighs, indicating for them to get closer together. “To preface this, Thor is alive and he’s stable. That’s what I want you to focus on, alright?” 

Oh good. 

So it’s good news then. 

WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY?

-

The exhaustion. This celebration is a forced, tired thing, like it’s a game they have to play.

Christmas. The Christian holiday. A long, exhaustive game of pretending.

^ this literally describes every christmas i have ever lived. I hate this holiday with my entire soul, which makes me feel like a bad christian, but honestly I turn into The Scrooge TM the moment December rolls around. Hopefully I'll get the opportunity to form less traumatizing memories around this holiday in the future.

-

Loki rolls his eyes a little, and takes a step closer, taking a seat on one of the chairs they brought in. “For your information, neither Thor or I are old enough to have met the Christian god.

things that do not make sense: Norse paganism existing in MCU and Loki and Thor's canon ages in MCU aligning together. Norse mythology started in like the 5th century AD. Loki was born in 37 AD or something like that, so like. norse mythology was based around the actions of like a 5 year old? okay marvel.  👍

-

“No, no it doesn’t. I yield, rozhden’ya, rozhden’ya! ” Clint says the word perfectly, slapping her hand away. “Don’t be mean to me. It’s Christmas.” 

“Not in Russia,” Natasha threatens, lowering her voice to something silky and dangerous.

Christmas is Jan 6th, for those of you unaware. Dec 25th is NOT the universal date for Christmas.

-

“Merry Christmas!” Tony says cheerfully, handing Thor some sort of desert. It’s some sort of small, brown little man covered in frosting.

ALSO HE IS HOLDING A GINGERBREAD MAN. my younger sister thought I was literally insane when I read this to her last year.

-

“I had a right to know,” Thor snarls, getting to his shaky feet. He grips at the bedpost for support, gesturing at himself, the words cracked. “ I had a right to know. She’s my mother, too. This is my family, too.”

^ Literally SO many of Thor's issues revolve around this, I think. Like after Thor 1, he probably feels so detached from his parents and Loki. The intense drama that they went through leaves him as a third party observer because it literally has nothing to do with him but it's so BIG.

-

from the author's note of chapter 13: I would also like to personally thank this chapter for making me dread writing it so much I was able to write not one, not two, but six chapters of my original story in an effort to avoid it (the book is like 11-12 chapters long for reference). Truly, it took one for the team.

OH YEAH OH MY GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! IT WAS IN LIKE A WEEK TOO AND WFDLKSJFLSD:FJLSDF:

HI IGNITNG FIRE I LOVE YOU! :D

-

CHAPTER 14:

“Right, but he didn’t know that. So again: I was supposed to let him walk around thinking he killed his fiancée?” Clint asks from the couch. Watching Loki pace back and forth across the length of the room is like watching a pendulum swing back and forth. Relentless. The carpet might as well be Loki’s mortal enemy for all the effort he’s putting into murdering it. 

^ this story starts and ends with Loki and Clint on a couch together.

-

“And what about my suffering?” Thor asks. “What about every day that I missed my best friend? What about the grief I felt? I am part of this family, too. And you didn’t tell me anything. I thought that you killed my brother. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me!? I have grieved my brother twice and evidently whatever ‘child suffering’ you feel only applies to Loki.” 

^ also in the not written aftermath chapter is a deeper dive into this. there was a lot of emotional strings that I felt we didn't quite recover from

-

  “You made a deal with Thanos?” Sigyn’s voice is sharper. She looks up at Odin’s face, and for the first time since she arrived here, Sigyn isn’t scowling as she does so. Odin inclines his head, still irritated, but Frigga’s head is tilted, her brows furrowed. “I made a deal with Thanos.” Sigyn says. 

shoutout to @worstloki for THE POST of the Year they made in response to this chapter. I laughed SO hard

-

“You what?” Odin snarls. “You stupid child-- what have we instilled into everyone since the Titan’s defeat? How could you be so foolish as to reach out to him?”

Odin, ever the hypocrite.

-

okay rapid fire trying to think if there was anything else I wanted to mention

still do not like chapter 1, i think I should have combined 1 and 2 together, but it took forever to get this story started so it can stay

the story was going to be named "You And I, or you Are I" in reference to the merging memories, but I literally forgot the title and was too tired to find it when i posted the fic

Clint's voice in this fic was based off of two fics I read The Unintended Consequences of Being A Superhero's Boyfriend and Fishing In Alaska and it was a lot of fun to shift to something more humerous. This fic from Loki's pov would have been exhausting, but from Clint's we get banger lines like "Fury scowls. The man gets more power out of his singular eye than most people can with both" and "Steve in concern, who's too exhausted to do anything other than make a grumpy old man sound and bury his head into his hands" which would not have been in Loki's pov. Clint is very funny.

i'm genuinely proud of myself that this fic turned out the way it did. Like it's not perfect, but it's still really good

yeah uh, do not think to hard about the Warriors in this fic because they Do Not Make Sense because their purpose in the story changed halfway through and it shows badly with retrospect lol

yes, i do want to work on the aftermath chapter, but i also don't, so all i have is like. 3 sentences and a frowny face in the document.

this story is over 400 pages, which I am proud of

i'm still happy to receive asks about this story, always!

some lore for you screamed for so long perhaps? i read all 8 (at the time) chapters of that on a 3 hour plane ride it kept me going through quite possibly the worst turbulence i have ever experienced

I'm so sorry about the turbulence. :( That sounds un-fun. Fun fact, I haven't been on a plane since i was 18 months old. I have absolutely no reference for that irl, lol. XD

ANYWAY.

LORE FOR YOU SCREAMED FOR SO LONG WE FORGOT TO CARE ANYMORE <- link to story

i have been planning some form of this story since 2018. In the original version, there was a massive plague going on. I'll probably still write that version actually. It's different enough from this one that it can stand on its own two feet.

CHAPTER ONE:

I was inspired to start the story several months after Loki got there after reading a Darcy/Loki story on ff.net I never finished

""I don't want to be buried. Cremate me." He instructs, swinging his quiver across one shoulder. "Or drop my body from the sky for the dogs to pick at, I don't really care. I'll be dead." " -- this is 1000% based off of Shane Madej from Buzzfeed Unsolved loudly declaring how he wants a sky burial

CHAPTER TWO:

"The looming figure in front of him gives a curt nod, and something smacks him in the back of the knees, and he goes tumbling into suffocation all over again," -- In the end you will always kneel.

Actually, the above torture is a slow form of suffocation. Someone ties a rope around your neck and hands that are connected together and suspends you enough that you have to stand on your toes. When your feet come out from underneath you, the rope on your hands tugs on your neck until it tightens until you either suffocate or manage to stand upright again thus relieving the pressure.

----

"He feels the surge of intense, overwhelming heat against his already raw, blistered skin before he even feels the brand press against his back, burning into muscle, bone, anything and everything, and he wont, can't—pain pain pain pain—

He screams—

^^^^ the above scene is the source of THIS scar, "Some of the worst scars are white and puckering against Loki's back and they look older than all of this" (chpt 9) and it will be discussed in further detail later. It's actually very important to the story. All of the dreams are. Nothing was put in there "just because"

---

"Hill hates all of them because the fact they're on the same floor is her fault." --- rather than having Fury in charge of the Avengers, I decided that it would probably be more realistic if Hill was. Fury is a busy man.

---

I learned some Norwegian for this fic solely so I could know on a basic level when the sentences didn't make sense, lol. XD

---

"All of them have made an effort to learn how to learn with Loki's flashbacks, but the only people who have had any real success are Thor and Steve." --- This is because Steve looks like Thor and Loki's brain is not super great at telling them apart when he's a mess.

---

"Clint forces out a thin breath, then says, "Do you want a sandwich?"

There's a long lull as if Loki's struggling to understand him. Clint repeats the question."

---

I dreamt about you getting your back burned open.

BACK INJURY IMPORTAAAAANNNCCCEEEE lol. XD all of you would be exhausted if you know how much I've been trying to subtly state this.

---

Natasha and Clint are legally married in this fic and have been for several years, but I never make that explicit because it doesn't matter to either of them so it's not important to the narrative. They are, first and foremost, partners. (Natasha proposed)

---

"Natasha is quiet for a second, then she tags on, "Ya tebya khochu."

Clint chews on his bottom lip, "Ya tozhe khochu tebya,""

This is Russian for "I want you," and then "i want you too." I think it's a little bit more meaningful than I love you.

---

Clint doesn't remember being taken to S.H.I.E.L.D. for the first time. When Coulson dragged his sorry butt there for medical after Barney tried to beat him to death, Clint was unconscious.

I have spent so much of this fic paralleling Clint's relationship with his brother with Loki and Thor's.

---

"Beside that is, predictably, an open tissue box.

Clint doesn't know what it is, but he's never been in a S.H.I.E.L.D. conference room without one. It's like the janitorial staff is worried that a group of covert spies and government officials are going to spontaneously..."

I work in janitorial. There is an ungodly effort put into making sure the tissue boxes never run out.

----

"If you're done saying I love you," Fury looks pointedly at Steve and Tony, the latter of whom smirks. Steve buries his head in his hands.

I have a lot of internalized homophobia issues despite being lesbian, but this is my first gay joke in a fic and I'm really, really proud of it. I know it's not very good or even comes across as a joke, but I felt so proud putting it in here all the same. Acceptance of self is real, y'all.

---

when i was listening to this chapter as i edited it, the speech to text reader read "asgardr" as oosgar and it was really funny to me.

---

CHAPTER FOUR:

this was the first scene I wrote for this fic.

the Chitauri do not refer to Loki by any other pronoun but "it." this is an effort to dehumanize him. (NOT to say that those who go by it pronouns are not human, love you guys (gender neutral))

---

"You are weak, like a mewling, crawling baby animal. But don't worry, because where you failed, your not-brother will succeed." --- Am I making a pointed jab at how awful Mobius calling Loki a mewling kitten was? Yes.

---

(chpt 4 vs 8)

---

This is one of my favorite interactions in the story. Loki has been lying through his teeth about his feelings most of the fic up to this point and then Clint asks him and Loki tells him the truth.

Loki and Clint have a very strong bond, even then.

---

CHAPTER FIVE:

everyone got a specific name-sign in this chapter. Loki's is grumpy-L because he's a grumpy little guy. XD No, it's cause he's grumpy but the L stands for his name

---

"Karma coming to collect its debt." -- a reference to my friend @widowronin's SPN story.

---

"c"-- by his brother

"b"-- by the circus of crime and Coulson

derogatory -- by his brother and the circus of crime

---

Waaaaay too much of my writing was inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved now. XD

---

^^^ this is actually referring to Frigga and Odin's relationship, not the chitauri

---

CHAPTER 6:

^^ reference to Vibranium

---

the actual plan for the cafeteria scene:

"The Avengers eat breakfast or something at the facility and the SHIELD agents are generally nasty to Loki. One of them starts a fist fight and Loki defends himself until the Avengers bodily pull everybody off and are like “no.” Loki is a little banged up, but nothing serious. Clint breaks some guys nose, though. Bruce looks him over and is visibly agitated. Says that the agents shouldn’t have hurt Loki. Loki’s like, okay, sure, but I did kill like, a lot of people, so they’re entitled. Bruce is like, “:/” "

---

this was intentionally framed like the beginning of Black Widow with Yelena. Thus to indicate that Natasha now sees Loki as a brother.

---

Loki intentionally says something unrelated to the situation to calm Clint down. yes, this was a reference to Clint and the sandwich thing. It worked so well then, why not now?

---

this is an important clue that will help us later

---

^^^ Gamora and Nebula

----

^^^ Loki dreams about Clint's brother trying to kill Clint. In the next chapter, Loki's brother tries to kill Loki. These scenes were placed on top of each other on purpose. NARRATIVE PARRALEL.

Also. by the gods am i projecting hard into this fic with clint and barney lol.

---

^^^ I still cannot believe that @worstloki made this for me, and then the post sort of blew up. Last time I looked it had like 250+ notes and LOTS of tags discussing how wonderful the story was. It literally floored me. I still am baffled and deeply humbled. Thank you.

---

CHAPTER EIGHT:

this scene was originally written from Clint's pov. I have it in a junk document somewhere. This is probably going to be Loki's only POV in the fic, but we'll see. I just though it would be really good to see Loki's thoughts about all of this, given how pivotal this moment is in the story.

----

chpt 8 vs chpt 5. DIRECTLY MEANT TO PARALLEL EACH OTHER.

---

^^^ this is the above meme. In the fic. You're welcome. XD

---

Parallel to the first thor, anyone??

--

as far as thor is aware in this scene, Loki just killed their parents and his world so the fact that Loki is actually worthy of Mjolnir is absolutely BAFFLING to him.

---

CHAPTER 9:

I made the executive decision that odin and Frigga's relationship is...strained, to put it mildly.

---

most of the time Siygn is a princess of some distant realm in fics, but no! she's queen here. XD

---

reminder!! "Far" is the formal way to address your parent in Norwegian.

---

Odin doesn't swear once in this conversation.

ALSO. Loki purposefully tries to intervene before giving up quickly because Odin and Frigga fighting is a common occurrence and he knows it's useless to stop it.

---

the way this chapter is set up is that you SEE what Odin and Frigga did to Loki with the flashback to Thor watching over Loki. You are supposed to think "Uh, wait a sec"

THIS is NIce?

for reference:

"Loki is thin, more a skeleton than a person, skin dragged against bone and pulled taut in some grotesque imitation of death. There are layers upon layers of gauze over Loki's entire forearms, covering up the horrible scars and stitches keeping his arms attached to his body. Beneath that is purpling and black bruises several inches thick encircling his wrists. There are open wounds almost everywhere in various degrees of healing, bones still bent awkwardly out of place that the doctors distastefully said they'd need to reset so it could heal right. Loki isn't stable enough for them to try yet."

but yeah. It was nice.

---

Btw, the title "You screamed for so long we forgot to care anymore" is NOT a reference to the Avengers.

It's Loki's thoughts to Odin and Frigga. Years of torture, of suffering and pain, of screaming, and they seemed to grow more apathetic to it with time.

I will probably reblog this with more thoughts once the fic is finished, but yeah. I have put a LOT of effort into this fic. And I am still baffled as to how it has so many people reading it. When the number processes in my brain every couple of weeks I feel horrified, lol.

YOU SCREAMED FOR SO LONG WE FORGOT TO CARE ANYMORE <- link to story

[galaxythreads]

Foegive me of this is a question you've answered in the past but, what are your thoughts on the scene at the beginning of Avengers 1 where Loki sort of doubles over/trips on his way out of the SHIELD base and it's never addressed?

Also thoughts on the canonicity of various myths to the MCU Loki backstory?

no worries, I don't mind answering questions twice. My blog is long and tales tales, so I understand if people don't want to hunt for answers and just reask stuff.

as far as your question goes,

SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING. Do you KNOW how much I LOVE that SCENE (the answer is no because I haven't talked about it) but I LOVE THAT SCENE! That is THE scene to me. I love everything about how carefully it's handled because what you have to look for is SUBTEXT here, because the Avengers was written in a way that forces you to think. It doesn't lay everything out for you, it's intended you come to your own conclusions.

The Avengers trusts you and that is a very strange thing for media now. It's pretty rare to find one that doesn't treat you like an idiot.

Breaking this down:

The first frame with Loki is of him kneeling. That is the first thing we learn about him. I want you guys to remember that the introduction of a character is HUGE. It tells us the most important things for us to know about that character right now

So what do we need to know about Loki RIGHT THEn. Right at the start of the movie?

he's smart. He opened the portal with the Tesseract, from across space, and teleported himself to another planet. This is something no one has replicated (using an infinity stone from across space). Loki is said to "know it's workings like they never will" which says a lot about him.

Loki was GIVEN the scepter by the Chitauri, but if you watch that opening opening scene, it looks more like it's being forced on him than him GLADLY taking it. (There's this half second where the Other waits to make sure Loki is actually going to hold it. Loki doesn't reach for it until he has to. One of the most powerful objects in existence and it practically has to be shoved into his hands) Look how close their bodies are. Like bro???

-okay, then Loki comes through the portal and he is KNEELING. so the first, and I mean the VERY FIRST thing we need to know about Loki is that he is in the subservience of someone/thing else. This gif below is artwork of that moment, but still. Like. who do you think he's kneeling TO? Well, the opening scene of the Avengers showcases that the Other is kneeling to Thanos, Ergo, using the subtext trust that the director/writers have given us, that means Loki was kneeling to Thanos before he came through the portal.

And then, Loki comes out like a hunted animal, but he legitimately does not remember he's holding the scepter until Fury points it out to him. You can see him look down at it in confusion. And okay, WHY is he confused? I remember watching this for the first time at 14 and going huh, that's kinda weird he forgot he had the weapon. What this is trying to tell us is that this is not a familiar weapon to Loki AND -- it is doing something to him. It's emitting that same misty thing that it does when Loki possesses someone later. That wispy smoke is always so interesting to me because of the implications. The scepter doesn't do that unless it is FRESHLY possessing someone. And what do we know about Loki TWO SECONDS AGO?

he was kneeling to thanos.

Anyway, so Loki gives his name, is not a well man, and the scene you're actually referring to is this one:

which GETS ME EVERY TIME. I could talk aout this scene for hours. The implications of it. (Also if you've read my work YSFSLWFTCA, that man who grabs Loki's back is Nathan Swenson ;)

So I've been getting professional acting training for about 6-7 months now and one thing I have learned is that nothing makes it in the movie by accident. The director has to approve it, the editor, the producer, up the whole food chain. This was not Tom Hiddleston sneezing and then them keeping it in the movie because it's funny. So this was put in on purpose. They WANTED you to know that Loki isn't okay. And a scene like this would get like what? idk 3-6 takes at a minimum, which means that they flimed this ON PURPOSE 3-6 times. Tom Hiddleston was instructed to do this ON PURPOSE. That guy who approaches Loki's back was told to do that ON PURPOSE. Loki was supposed to be shown to be a mess physically. Like. Then they go and KEEP doing this later, when Loki can't get into the car and can barely keep himself upright. Loki doesn't start to look "okay" until Germany and even then he's not doing amazing.

What's interesting to me, beyond the obvious implications toward bodily harm - torture! :) - is the timing. Loki immediately topples when Clint hands the Tesseract to Selvig. There's something about Clint doing that that seems to cause him physical pain. That could be a coincidence, and I bet it is because it's not brought up again in the movie that the Tesseract exchanging hands gives Loki physical pain, but it is interesting.

Another interesting point is that Clint looks away, Selvig doesn't care, but that sheild agent Immediately moves up to put his hand on Loki's back to support him. And Loki doesn't flinch. That always struck me as weird, right, because even people who don't have trauma flinch when someone touches their back and they weren't expecting it. And Loki clearly wasn't? So why didn't he twitch at least a little? Tom Hiddleston is too good of an actor for that to be a mistake.

So to me that means that Loki just... doesn't have feeling in his spine at that moment. Or he was in too much pain to even register it. Loki was clearly tortured with some type of heat. If you watch him in this scene he's displaying all the signs of heat exhaustion. So I kinda think that maybe Loki got burned so badly on his back before this happened that he just... doesn't feel anything anymore. It had to have been recent for walking to nearly send him toppling, but Loki's back is a source of issues for the entire movie.

That is why this scene is here from a directing perspective. to SET UP Loki's back problems. The extent of them are left vague, but I think when Tom Hiddleston and Joss Whedon sat down to talk about Loki for the Avengers, one of the things they must have agreed on was that Loki was not in good physical condition and they planned to show that THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I don't know if they talked about torture or Thanos, but they talked about SOMETHING.

But I just...idk. That guy grabs Loki's back to support him in an effort to help and it's just so interesting to me. Because how does the mind control WORK then? Selvig is obsessed with the Tesseract. He almost seems possessed by that rather than Loki. Clint goes completely silent and doesn't do anything except the mission. THIS GUY immediately comes to take care of Loki, and Loki himself is ruthlessly efficient with one goal in his mind. So it's interesting. Subtext! :D

So what do I think about this scene. I think that Loki was tortured and his back is giving out and I LOVE THIS SCENE BECAUSE IT IS SO DARK BUT TRYING NOT TO BE.

Thanos' immediate response to something not going his way is torture and he knows Loki. Knows him well enough to pick his brother out of a crowd in Infinity War and leave him alive until the end. Knows him well enough to make his death personal. Strangulation is a crime of passion. Thanos hurt Loki and he knew Loki, and the idea that Thanos made sure that Loki wouldn't see the torture coming - by doing it to his back/spine - is just an extra layer of awful. Thanos left Thor alive. On purpose. He could have killed him. He didn't.

That was Loki's punishment. Leaving Thor alone. Because Thanos knew that would hurt him the most.

But Thanos also chose to kill Loki, and in infintiny war, while hunting the stones, Thanos doesn't make any unnecessary bodies. Which to me, means that Thanos had to kill Loki because he saw Loki as a threat.

So anyway, somehow I'm talking about Loki and Thanos again, who are my favorite horrible duo and I love talking about them because their relationship is so so messed up. I wish that the Loki series had DONE something with Thanos and Loki, but they didn't. :/

But why Loki's back? Like Thanos started with Loki's head in the post-credits scene of Thor 1:

why did he move to Loki's back? Also the fact that Thanos was having Loki hunt down the Infinity Stones through astral projection and/or enchantment is just so messed up and I love it. Wish it had been explored because THIS ^^^ was the giant beast I wanted poked at in Loki season 1.

[galaxythreads]

MULTI-CHAPTER:

(Death Must be Lonely Like I am):

Summary: After the Battle of New York, S.H.I.E.L.D. claims Loki for punishment and consequently, also HYDRA. When the Avengers are assembled under the belief that Loki is escaping his cell, they rapidly realize what a mistake they've made leaving the younger Asgardian in their hands. (Gen, blind!Loki)

[REWRITE/REVAMP OF STYGIAN]

Fortunately, Unfortunately :

Summary: After Loki goes missing from Asgardian prisons, Thor leaves Asgard to look for him, ignoring Odin’s insistence and threats not to do so. Odin, desperate, decides to resort to drastic measures to force his heir back to Asgard. As in, pulling Hela out of Helheim, turning her mortal, and sending her after Thor drastic. (Gen)

You Screamed For So Long We Forgot To Care Anymore

Summary: Five months after Thor drags his half-dead brother to Earth to plead asylum, things take a turn for the worse. With the older Asgardian out of commission and a sizeable threat overshadowing them, Clint becomes aware of two facts: One: Loki was tortured, mind-controlled, and manipulated into attacking Earth. Two: Loki knows none of this. (gen, no smut)

Loki waking up with his memories of Thanos and is Not Okay

Clint dealing with what Frigga did to him, Also Not Okay TM

No one is Okay TM

ONE-SHOTS:

With Terror and With Fear:

Summary: After Thor overhears a conversation between Odin and some of the councilmen regarding Loki's true heritage, he vows to tell his brother.

Loki just wishes he could figure out why Thor is refusing to talk to him all of the sudden.

guillotine dreams (don't tell me not to scream)

Summary: "Natasha can’t believe that they missed this at first. It’s not as though Loki was doing a good job at hiding the fact that he was in pain or the mind control. Except… except, well, he was. He was hiding it well. Exceptionally so. If she hadn’t aggravated Loki’s master enough to make it want it want to kill him, then she would have proceeded with the interrogation, likely found out some one-off piece of information, and walked off. Loki’s part in this would have remained the initiator.

Not victim."

AKA: Natasha notices Loki is in pain during her interrogation and it all spirals out of control from there.

intervention, intervention (what intervention?)

Summary: Loki gets a gift for his names day. And then everything goes downhill from there.

OR: the one where Nidavellir poisons Loki's magic to force Odin's hand on a treaty and Odin refuses to help, even if it means Loki's death. So Loki does what he does best: creates a disaster and almost gets himself killed along the way.

AKA: I AM SO SORRY TO MY DEAR FRIEND WHO REQUESTED A LOKI MAGICAL EXHAUSTION FIC MONTHS AGO.