#ysfslwftca

[galaxythreads]

anyways, so opening this document went exactly like this:

[platypusisnotonfire]

@galaxythreads you slam both these buttons so well and we all love you for it

the whump fan’s dilemma

[newobsessioneveryweek]

For @galaxythreads 💕🌸✨

[galaxythreads]

hey. hey. guess who just finished you screamed for so long we forgot to care anymore in a sprint worthy of a roman tale of gods?

Chapter 14 on Friday the 27th, everyone!

[galaxythreads]

I reread chapter 13 of YSFSLWFTCA today and whoa Thor needs therapy

[galaxythreads]

Clint reaches out and clasps Loki's cold, boney hand, in the way that Thor wanted to six months ago but didn't trust himself to.

"Please just wake up, Grumpy-L."

Loki doesn't.

From @galaxythreads INCREDIBLE fic "You Screamed For So Long We Forgot to Care Anymore", go give it a read on AO3!

CW: Injuries and scarring under the cut

[galaxythreads]

Chapters: 14/14

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Avengers Team & Loki, Clint Barton & Loki, the avengers as family, Loki & Thor (Marvel)

Summary:

Five months after Thor drags his half-dead brother to Earth to plead asylum, things take a turn for the worse. With the older Asgardian out of commission and a sizeable threat overshadowing them, Clint becomes aware of two facts: One: Loki was tortured, mind-controlled, and manipulated into attacking Earth. Two: Loki knows none of this. (gen, no smut)

spoilers with no context 

[galaxythreads]

i think i was having a rough time writing last time i worked on this

[galaxythreads]

Ysfslwftca❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

<3<3<3 I stg I'm STILL rotating the epilog around in my brain and it will get done eventually. There's like 4-6 very specific scenes I have planned for it, it's just kinda the stuff in the middle.

[galaxythreads]

total number of deals Thanos has sold in chapter 14: 3

thank you @worstloki, this made my life.

Me: trying to make a point that thanos is manipulative

the joke:

all I could think of during Thanos' plan reveal in the final chapter of You Screamed For So Long We Forgot To Care Anymore by @galaxythreads was Thanos' POV on the whole thing.

[galaxythreads]

Chapters: 13/? Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Avengers Team & Loki, Clint Barton & Loki, the avengers as family, Loki & Thor (Marvel)

Summary:

Five months after Thor drags his half-dead brother to Earth to plead asylum, things take a turn for the worse. With the older Asgardian out of commission and a sizeable threat overshadowing them, Clint becomes aware of two facts: One: Loki was tortured, mind-controlled, and manipulated into attacking Earth. Two: Loki knows none of this. (gen, no smut)

Spoilers with no context:

[galaxythreads]

[whispers] why did loki have steve's jacket in ysfslwftca? was there a specific scene for this interaction that didn't make it to the final draft?

[whispers back] because I wanted to torment everyone.

No, it actually is from a deleted scene. There's a lot of deleted stuff from ysfslwftca that I do plan to post into Avengers: The Rubbish Bin--where all my deleted scenes for fics or abandoned fics go--when I get the aftermath chapter posted.

I might end up using this scene in the aftermath chapter, but you're welcome to look at it anyway. It wasn't ever finished. Loki was going to look over the scene from the helicarrier after Thor attacked it and have a minor panic attack about it, and Steve was going to give him his jacket to help with the panic.

This is somewhere after he leaves Clint's hospital room after they agree to remove the memories.

---

He can’t stop looking at the pictures. The dead, mangled bodies, so peaceful in death, staring up at the cameras without a care in the world. It’s haunting. He can see the burns across their skin from lightning strikes, the dull, painfilled stare of the Chitauri’s stare. The burned flesh of the gunshot wounds. 

It naustates him. 

What, Loki wonders with dread, did the Midgardians expect to gain by taking pictures? He finds himself almost addicted to the horrific, bloody sight, like it’s a fixation he can’t stop looking at. Violence is addictive. Perhaps this is just a way to curb the latest craving. He can’t stop looking. 

He goes over the crime scene photos from the Helicarrier over and over again, as if he can gain some sort of new information by staring hard or long enough, straining his eyes until the very socket is tired. But he doesn’t stop looking. 

He finds what he was looking for originally after a time, and he stares at Nathan Swenson’s dead body on the screen for longer than he cares to admit. He feels nothing for the man. He should be horrified or grieved, knowing that he’s dead, but Loki doesn’t even remember him. Not truly. Flashes of a voice, memories that feel like they belong to someone else. Loki was Nathan Swenson’s nightmare. Perhaps it’s only fitting that he become Loki’s. 

The man is hidden among the dead agents. Loki knows that the Chitauri were attempting to hide the assassination of this man behind a massacure, but with the knowledge of the tether, and what it’s for, Loki finds that it’s easy to see beyond it. All of these others lives were collateral damage. Fifteen agents died. Dozens more were badly injured. Thor freed all of the Chitauri captive on the ship. 

And yet, the true purpose, was Nathan Swenson, hidden among the other bodies. 

Loki wonders if Swenson managed to sleep again before he died. The thought only makes his low mood manage to drag itself deeper somehow. Loki releases a soft breath, then, with careful fingers, he sets the tablet he borrowed from Tony down on his lap and takes a long swing of the alcohol he stole. It takes bitter and strangely bubbly, dragging down his throat. It’s painful. 

Gods. 

Who’s grand idea was it to make Earth’s alcohol hurt? 

Loki grimaces, wiping at his mouth compulsively as if that will actually help, and looks back down at the photos. He finds himself going through them again, staring at the violence and trying to feel something other than numb. The bottle grows further empty, but the mind-deadening relief he hates doesn’t come.

He doesn’t want to think anymore. Norns, his thoughts are too heavy. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been hiding in this tiny washroom, drinking himself sick and staring at horrors, but it must have been enough. Steve opens the door. They hold a long stare before the captain’s mouth pushes into a thin line and he steps inside the room. The sound of the door closing makes Loki flinch. 

He blinks dully. 

Steve slides down along the wall next to him, accidentally bumping his knee against Loki’s. It stays there. Loki doesn’t fight it. He’s too tired. The alcohol bottle hangs loosely between his fingers by the neck. 

Steve looks over at the tablet, sighs, and then plucks it from his lap. “You’re torturing yourself going over this, you know that?” he asks, flipping the cover over the front and turning it off. 

Loki frowns at him, trying to draw up the energy to be annoyed but only managing to scrape up apathetic. “I’m reminiscing.” 

Steve’s eyebrows raise. “About what?” 

Loki smiles at him. The expression feels vicious. “How monstrous I truly am.” He gestures with his chin toward the tablet, “Look at them, captain. Have you seen the horror of it? All of them are dead because of me.” 

Steve stares at him. 

Loki wishes he would shout. It’s what he’s expecting. He tries to think of what his family would do if they found him like this. Odin would yell at him, certainly. Or perhaps he’d just stare at Loki in judgemental, angry silence until Loki apologized. Frigga would dote and act concerned but chide him. Thor would…Loki doesn’t know. Maybe Thor would join him. Maybe he’d yell, too. 

Loki takes a swig of the alcohol, grimacing. 

Ah. 

Perhaps that’s why Midgardians designed it to hurt. It’s recompense. The punishment they all deserve but can’t enact upon themselves. 

“This wasn’t your fault.” Steve says at length. 

“No?” Loki asks, a bitter laugh bubbling out of him. “I’m the reason the Chitauri are here in the first place. My memories are what Thor is currently bound to destroy. Nathan Swenson’s life is over because I decided to attack this gods-forsaken planet over a petty grudge!” Loki blinks rapidly several times. His chest is heaving. The energy deflates from him as rapidly as it arrived. Miserable, Loki asks, “Did you know that Swenson had a partner? That he had a son?” 

“Loki,” Steve says, pained. He’s shaking his head. 

“I didn’t. I didn’t care to know apparently.” Loki looks at the amber liquid sloshing inside the bottle. He wishes that it helped more. He would give almost anything to feel numb right now. He sighs heavily, closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the wall. 

His fingers, healed and whole, maintain their grip on the stupid, stupid bottle. 

“Swenson wasn’t your fault any more than it was Thor’s. It was the Chitauri.” Steve says. 

“You say that like it removes the absence of choice.” 

Steve’s brow draws together. “That’s…that exactly what I’m saying. You didn’t have a choice to attack Earth. You didn’t choose to do that. You were pointed at us. Would you choose to attack New York now?"

Loki shakes his head. "No, of course not."

"And you'd say you're in your right mind?"

"As much as I ever am."

---

*steve gives loki his jacket*

[galaxythreads]

ysfslwftca: 12

me: 0

[galaxythreads]

*cackling laughter*

chapter 13 of you screamed for so long we forgot to care anymore this Friday, December 23rd.

[galaxythreads]

rereading YSFSLWFTCA chapters 8-12 so I can remember what the heck was going on as I work on chapter 13. Here we GO. Hiatus is officially over.

[galaxythreads]

Every time i fall asleep i hear the words he had the most gentle soul. Doesnt matter how much time has passed since i read the fic, ill be going down the street and think he had the most gentle soul. This line has been ingraved on my brain. It haunts me. It changed me as a person. I want it on my tombstone. The first time i read this line i just stared at the wall for a minute. Thank you for this thing you have introduced into my life <3

this was really, really well-timed. thanks <3 I actually went and reread ysfslwftca chapter 13 yesterday and I was really proud of myself. Like dang girl, good job. I guess I keep forgetting that I can write. Like that's a thing I'm.....good....at.