#rogue solidarity am I right

[cityandking]

round two: prepared to have a passing train drown out the audio of some answers for minah edition! 3, 4, 13, 18, 26 for minah & bran!

oh I see you're going fishin' 🎣 // angsty character asks

3. What is your OC’s worst memory?

MINAH — her father's death. it was sudden and bloody and unfortunately she was there to see all of it

BRAN — when her mom got sick. it was so horribly endless, and at the end of all the sickness and suffering bran didn't have a mom anymore. knowing the end was coming didn't make it any easier

4. Does your OC have nightmares? What do they contain?

MINAH — yeah babey!! mostly about her parents' deaths and other things that happened before she joined the Orchestra. lots of blood, lots of fear. y'know, the usual

BRAN — not exactly. she's had a few freaky deaky dreams (after getting a vision from melora in the depths of a ship graveyard from the gods' war, for example), but she's more prone to anxiety dreams (vague feelings of dread) than any out-and-out nightmares

13. Has your OC suffered trauma?

MINAH — yes! :D

BRAN — she would say no, but she'd be wrong 💙 her mother's death was supremely traumatic for her and honestly so were the years after, when she was expected to step up and prepare to be the woman of the house (and inherit her mother's business empire) while still a child herself

18. What is the worst possible ending for your OC and why?

MINAH — oh no would you look at that it! it looks like there's a big train coming!! minah's worst ending is CHOO CHOO!!!!

BRAN — not getting her ship back, being stuck on land forever, fading into obscurity. honestly I think if she couldn't travel and sail she'd just wither up

26. Has your OC ever had unrequited feelings of any kind for someone?

MINAH — answered! (nah nothing serious)

BRAN — yeah, for sure. I don't have anything concrete but she's definitely had crushes that went nowhere, especially when she was younger

[preservationofnormalcy]

[The office is crowded when I make it in. A few dozen people in the waiting room of the simply-furnished building, weary eyed. Some waiting patiently, some not so patiently. As a slender man speaks tersely with a receptionist, I am unsure where to go. After I hesitate a moment, a man at the end of the desks waves at me. 

He is short, barely over five feet tall. He is bald on the top of his head, with bursts of frizzy hair on either side above his ears. His eyes inspect me from behind huge and thick glasses rimmed with a brassy metal, above a  brown corduroy suit with a green tie. When he speaks, he has a slight lisp and a heavy stammer.] 

F] Hello. Uh. Yes, h-hello madam. 

M] Ferdinand Mills? 

F] Yes. Yes, co-come here. May I have a word?

M] Yes, of course. 

F] I ch-choose the word, uh, ‘interview’. 

M] What? 

F] Nothing, nothing madam. Come, come.

[I am led back behind the counters, past small cubicles and offices. It looks like any other office building I’ve been in, if furnished a little more…vintage. Kelly greens and dark brown woods dominate the furniture, and brassy metal fixtures catch the somewhat dimmer light. I’m led into Ferdinand’s office, and immediately I see piles and piles of paperwork, stacked almost impossibly high in some places. His computer is buried in it, and for a moment I wonder about the heat. He sits at his desk and laces his fingers together.] 

F] I, umm. Was told of your c-coming, madam. What….what is your purpose here? 

M] I’m here to conduct a….to….. 

F] Mmmh? 

M] To….conduct a….what is happening, why can’t I—

F] You may, uh, have it back. 

M] Interview. Interview, interview. What the hell, I….oh. 

F] A p-parlor trick. Nothing, uh, more, Ms Hendricks. 

M] Why did you do that? 

F] Some, uh, new agents don’t quite understand the ru-rules. Think it’s a g-game. Until they’re uh….

[He gestures with his palm down and fingers wiggling.] 

F] On the end of a…string, madam. M-marionette. 

M] So you just…take something from them? 

F] B-better it be me, than, ah. Something else. Please. Y-your interview, madam. Your questions? 

M] As long as you don’t do that again. 

F] Queen’s, uh, honor. On the Court. 

M] ….what is your name and position?

F] I am called F-Ferdinand Mills, and I am the director of the Legal Extranormal Persons Office, as well as, ah, liaison to the North American Seelie Court. 

M] What do you do in either position? 

F] In the f-former, I am a social worker, ah. Mostly. We oversee the process of g-gaining legal personhood under the Office and the work that entails. It’s a little like….im-immigration. 

The latter position is m-mostly ceremonial. I help the Office train its staff on issues related to the Fa-Fair Folk and…perhaps the, ah. Challenges. 

M] What is legal personhood? 

F] B-before the 1937 Tom-Tommyknocker Accords, it was Office policy that non-humans were not g-giv–ah, extended the rights and privileges afforded to h-human citizens by the US constitution. Not, not that they applied to humans equally either…b-but I digress. The Accords provided a legal f-framework for providing citizenship and thus legal p-protection to non-human or sufficiently str-ah. Abnormal persons. 

M] Why is it called the Tommyknocker Accords? 

F] The camp-cam….effort was led by Tommyknockers, an ethnic group of Fair Folk that w-were among the first to im-immigrate with Cornish humans and took up residence mainly in m-mines. Their presence was, ah, of course never officially re-recognized by American authorities, but they often had union cards, paid for by their human c-coworkers. This s-sort of solidarity led the Tommyknockers to seek some kind of rights from the g-government, which gained the ear of the Office in the nine-ninetee-ah. In the 30’s. In return for the local S-seelie Court’s cooperation in protecting humans from the actions of r-rogue fae, fair folk would receive legal p-protection and citizenship, and c-considerations for those that can, ah, pass as human.

M] And this has been extended to…more than just fae?

F] V-very soon after it was started, work began on expanding it to lycanthropes, the undead, demons…by now there are art-artificial intelligences, homunculi, extraterrestrials…

M] Do you think the department is successful in its goals? 

F] Our g-goals are to help promote a culture of protection for those who may not have had it in the past. It’s a matter of civil rights. The astoundingly vast majority of people that come through here….all they want is to live p-peacefully and be left alone, more or, ah, less. 

I hope you-you can agree that people of all stripes should have a fundamental right to exist without legal d-discrimination or fear. Of course, given the Office’s secrecy standards, certain concessions have to be made. 

And, to be cyn-cynical, there’s also the goal of providing those people a route of, ah, legal redress. If we didn’t ex-extend certain protections to the extranormal population, they’d riot. And they’d be justified in, ah, doing so. 

M] That seems like an important point. What about your position as fae liaison. How did the Office’s cooperation with the NASC begin?

F] As the Accords were being f-formed, it was determined, primarily from the T-Tommyknockers, that enough Fair Folk had, ah, immigrated to North America that they had formed their own C-court. This would allow the local f-fae to determine their own law, culturally influenced by but separate from o-older Courts. The culture of this court was still diff-different than many in Europe and elsewhere, of course, and this probably contributed to the success of the Accords. M-many wanted a fresh start, for them-themselves, and with mortals. Some of them were half-human themselves. My f-father was among those present at the Accords, ah, in fact.

M] And this has been a successful relationship, in your opinion?

F] I know s-so. The country would be a very different place if we had powerful groups like the NASC opp-opposed to us.

M] I did want to ask about the, uh. Recon team—

F] I won’t s-s-speak on that without an ethics r-r-representative being p-present. 

M] I just wanted to know what their—

F] If LEP is imm-immigration, Recon is immigration en-enforcement. I have my i-issues with how the R-r-recon team conducts its— no, no, no, I won’t speak on it further. 

M] Are they the main enforcement and security agency in the Office?

F] I said I wouldn’t— nnnhf. F-first line. F-first contact. If it seems like too much for them, we call O-Sec. Then it’s out of our h-hands. Now if you please, if you’d like to kn-know more about R-recon, speak to someone in Recon. 

M] Do their operations bother you?

F] Ms Hendricks, I–

M] Or are they a necessary evil? 

F] N-n-no evil is necessary, Ms Hendricks. I won’t speak f-f-further on it. In fact, ah, I, uh, I believe we are done t-talking. Reschedule another interview if you m-must. 

(Buy the poster here!)

[maulgirl]

cassian andor who meets this girl who’s reckless and stubborn and kind of obnoxious and she is in no way committed to the cause he has devoted his life to but he still tells her “welcome home”. and he really means it

[kenobiapologist]

Star Wars Novel Rankings

In celebration of the end of this year, I made a tier list of all of the Star Wars novels I’ve read since I joined this fandom in 2017 (which you can use to rank these books too). And I named all the tiers in a dorky but appropriate fashion. I would love to hear your thoughts on my rankings, as well as how you’d rank the books yourself! I’ve had a blast reading Star Wars novels from both Disney’s canon and the Legends extended universe over these past 3 years. Here’s to many more years of reading stories from the galaxy far far away! 

I put longer (but not more coherent) thoughts below the cut.

The Chosen One: Bringing Balance to the Force and My Depressed Soul

1. The first spot of top tier had to go to Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith novelization for obvious reasons. You simply cannot beat it. It’s a masterpiece. I literally had to put the book down to scream when I read the prose associated with the opening battle over Coruscant. It gave a whole new meaning to the triumphant music and the synchronous twirling of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s starfighters as they weave through blaster-fire in the battle over Coruscant. The rest of the book is the same way. You can’t put it down. I have wAyyYyYy too many feelings about this book oh my god.

2. Thrawn was a surprising book for me. For being centered on an admiral of the Empire’s navy, it had so much heart in it! I loved reading from Eli Vanto’s perspective too. god dammit I love that freaking Wild Space hillbilly dweeb with all my heart. I think his experiences getting to know Thrawn and learning from him guides the reader to feel much the same way as Eli by the end. Thrawn is a trusted friend, not the enemy you expect him to be. I could have done without Arihnda Pryce but she’s supposed to be unlikeable so I won’t blame Timothy Zahn this time.

3. The Clone Wars Gambit duology is basically Karen Miller writing fanfic and I’m HERE FOR IT. As is tradition with Karen Miller’s Star Wars novels, the emotions are dialed up the eleven. Our favorite dumbass Jedi team is back at it again with a mission to save the galaxy and this time they end up going undercover as two lumberjacks from the boonies. Anakin holds an energy shield back from collapsing with his bare hands like a total badass. Obi-Wan is in love with another woman despite it always ending in tragedy, while also bickering like a married couple with Anakin every ten seconds. get a fucking room, you two. These two books inspired one of my fics so they’re near and dear to my heart.

Jedi Master: These Books Have A Seat On The Council Too

4. Wild Space was appropriately named, I’ll tell you that. It’s a wild ride from start to finish. *slaps the front cover* this book can fit so much of Obi-Wan’s suffering in it! @forcearama has elaborated on the many reasons why this book is a gem in Snark Wars blog posts (linked here). It’s also the beginning of the best team-up since Anakin and Obi-Wan...Bail and Obi-Wan! These two bastards get under each other’s skin but it makes for the perfect character development. This book is the reason I screech with delight whenever Bail Organa appears on screen, or is mentioned in conversation. Bail gets a mysterious tip about trouble on a planet, and Obi-Wan decides to go with him to investigate. Cue Sith-induced suffering. It’s cool to see a normal person experiencing the weirdness of Force sensitives and how the world has this extra level of sensory information in it. Plotwise this one isn’t the best, but I think the interactions between characters really shine in this novel. Karen Miller’s writing is like a cup of hot chocolate to me. Indulgent character insight, full of sweet moments, has a bunch of extra marshmallowy dialogue, you’re reading it to have a good time but not to be satisfied with plot. You get me?

5. Do I even have to explain myself here? Kenobi by John Jackson Miller is both an interesting western-style tale set on Tatooine, and a beautiful character study of a man stricken with grief he keeps suppressed. How does one continue on when their whole family was murdered and their whole culture burnt to ash? I wanted to give Obi-Wan a hug the entire time I read this. The characterization was spot-on, from the way he wrangled animals to the way he severed a man’s arm off in a bar with his lightsaber. And when he meets a woman named Annileen Calwell, or Annie for short, Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to call her by her nickname ever and if that doesn’t just break your damn heart fucking fuck.

6. Ahsoka was the first Disney canon book I ever read and it kickstarted my love for E.K. Johnston. The writing is simplistic, but that makes it easy to jump into. Overall, it’s a quick and enjoyable read. By far the best parts are the flashbacks that mull over memories Ahsoka has of the time before Order 66. That shit hits you right in the heart, man. And the part where Ahsoka equates Obi-Wan and Anakin to her adoptive family ohhhhhhh god the tears they flow like a river. There are scenes that allude to Ahsoka becoming the vital part of the Rebellion we know her to be from Rebels, balanced with her current struggles to survive and find herself. Despite having cast away her identity as a Jedi and having any remaining bits of her culture destroyed by Palpatine, Ahsoka shows us all how bright a hero can shine in the darkest of times. AND SHE WAS WRITTEN AS QUEER! finally some good fucking food.

7. Oh shit, another E.K. Johnston book? Don’t be surprised. She’s a prequel fan and so am I, hence why Queen’s Shadow is so high on the list. E.K. Johnston pays homage to our favorite queen and badass senator Padme Amidala. There’s politics, there’s solidarity between female characters, and Bail Organa is in it so you KNOW I simply must give it a high rating. All jokes aside, I thought the story added lots of little details to the world of Star Wars without it being all stereotypical sci-fi nerdy language. You know how people want to describe something beyond our technological capabilities so they throw a bunch of nonsense together like “pre-praxis crystal bio-anode circuitry”? I’m looking at you, Karen Miller, I love you but please. There is none of that in this book. It makes sense, it adds color and culture and life to the worlds of Star Wars. Most of all, it devotes time and love to developing Padme outside of her place in canon as Anakin’s wife, Queen of Naboo, and Senator. She is all of these things, but she’s human too. I do agree that the pacing is slow, but it’s something meant to be savored, I think. E.K. Johnston really shines when she’s writing dialogue because she gets these characters. That’s something to appreciate, because not all canon books agree with the way we’ve perceived the characters as an audience.

8. Rogue Planet chewed me up, spit me out, and declared me an even bigger stan for The Team. People who say Qui-Gon would have been a better master for Anakin can ~get out~ because I could read about these two hooligans getting neck deep in space shenanigans all damn day. Anakin is like twelve, which is a time in his training that we don’t get a lot of in canon. Personally, I think it was equal parts heartwarming and funny to read about their adventures. There is some angst sprinkled in there because hey, we’re reading about Anakin here, let’s not forget the emotional trainwreck that is Anakin Skywalker. The duo is sent to a planet that makes super fast ships that are ?sentient? or at least biologically active. They bond with the pilot, which makes Anakin perfect for this mission. There’s a scene where these little floof things attach all over tiny Anakin because he’s so strong in the Force and it’s god damn adorable how dare he?? I’d probably rate this one even higher if I read it again, but it’s been awhile. Characterization is spot on and reminiscent of Matthew Stover’s writing in how it highlights the strong bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin, how they’re fated to know each other. I’m a sucker for soulmates, what can I say? 

9. Lost Stars reads like a movie. Not a script, but just the perfect amount of detail that you can imagine the scenes but the pacing is still quick, the dialogue smooth and natural. I couldn’t help wishing this was a film because the story was so all-encompassing. The highs and lows of the emotions of both protagonists, their relationship developing, the differences in culture. Folks, this book has it all! It’s a totally different perspective on the events of the original trilogy, seen from the side of Imperial cadets training to become pilots. Eventually, one splits off and joins the Rebellion while the other perseveres in the Empire. It’s like star-crossed lovers, but covers so much more ground than that. And the characters are fully developed. These original characters knocked my socks off, and that’s hard to do since I’m usually an Obi-Wan stan through and through. For anyone uncertain of reading Star Wars novels, this book is a great place to start. Action-packed, emotion-filled, and stands on its own despite weaving perfectly into the established universe. What more could you want?

10. Back at it again with the prequel shit, amiright? Queen’s Peril is E.K. Johnston’s most recent Padme-centric novel and it does not disappoint fans that wanted a taste of the Queen’s side of the story. Set during the events of The Phantom Menace, we get a “behind the curtain” look at how all of the handmaidens came to be more than their title suggests. There’s teenage girls getting stuff done! It makes more sense why Padme was elected ruler of her home-world, and you come to appreciate that a royal leader is not alone; there’s actually a whole team at her side to help her overcome everything from the drudgery of daily governing to Trade Federation blockades that threaten to starve her people. I think if you enjoyed Queen’s Shadow, you’ll enjoy this book a lot. For those that are unfamiliar with Johnston’s work, I wouldn’t recommend this one first because it does cover events you’ve already seen in movies and therefore is a less suspenseful companion to them. On the other hand, because it does tie in with TPM, it doesn’t suffer from the pacing issues of Queen’s Shadow to the same degree. I read this all in one sitting, so it’s definitely fun, but wasn’t compelling enough in its character development to elevate the book past some of the others I’ve listed already.

11. Thrawn: Treason was a refreshing return to the Grand Admiral we all know and love after the second installment in this series slowed things down a bit. Although it wasn’t as character-driven as the first book (which I love with all of my heart), there were still many moments that had me cackling at the disparity between Thrawn’s immense intellect and the other Imperials’ sheer stupidity, and that’s what we’re here for in a book about the Empire, right? There’s a lot of pressure on Thrawn, as his TIE Defender project has been pitted against Director Krennic’s Project Stardust. Who will get the funds? We just don’t know?? Tarkin sits in between the two and as usual, manipulates everything to his advantage. Palpatine questions Thrawn’s allegiance to the Empire after some of the choices he has made, leaving him in even more of a pickle. Thrawn is sent on a wild goose chase task that should definitely end in failure (on purpose because Imperials all want to watch each other burn as much as they want to watch the Rebellion burn), but you know Thrawn will find a way. My main squeeze Eli Vanto makes his return after being absent from book 2. Missed you, my sweet sweet country boy. He doesn’t have a leading role in this novel, but every scene he’s in makes the story better. Thrawn says “perhaps” way too often for my taste, but if you can ignore that, this book is a solid read. Equal parts action and deductive reasoning, as any Thrawn book should be.

12. Most of Dark Disciple had me thinking this was going to be a top tier book, and damn do I wish we could have gotten this animated. We follow Quinlan Vos and Asajj Ventress on a mission to assassinate Count Dooku. Why the Jedi thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. But I’m here for it all the same. 3/4 of the adventure were intriguing, but the ending didn’t do it for me. I won’t spoil things for anyone who hasn’t read this yet, but after all of the character development, to have it squandered so quickly just left me disappointed? I got really attached to everyone in this novel, and I’m sure you will to. I’ve read this and listened to it as an audiobook, and actually I think it’s more memorable as an audiobook. Would recommend, except for Mace Windu’s voice being exceptionally southern for no reason. Weird. I think this novel captures all of the great things about The Clone Wars show; time to really get to know each character and their motivations, action and adventure with the darkness of impending doom tinting everything, and lightsaber fights! Plus, Obi-Wan and Anakin make appearances in this book and it just adds that extra bit of spice. Worth the read, even if you know they aren’t going to get Dooku in the end (which I am still mad about, screw that guy).

Jedi Knight: Passed the Trials but There’s Room for Improvement

13. Few books in the Star Wars universe are centered around characters with no use of the Force, but in Most Wanted, we see a young Han Solo and Qi’ra struggling to survive on Corellia and it provides a humorous but compelling backstory to both characters in the Disney canon. Han is his usual lucky goofball self, and Qi’ra is smart and cunning. You can see how they grew into the versions of themselves in Solo. While the book stays on the lighter side of things (typical of stories written for a younger audience), there are still moments of depth on droid rights, viewing the Force as a religion, and what life is like in a crime syndicate. Addressing these heavier topics without it killing the pace of the story is hard to do, but Rae Carson pulls it off flawlessly. I went into this book with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had. Han and Qi’ra start off as competitors, but eventually have to learn to work together to survive as more and more people start hunting them down. They’re honestly so cute together, I loved their dynamic. It makes Solo a better movie, and although I liked it on its own, characters like Qi’ra needed a little more time to get to know, which you can get here!

14. Thrawn Alliances was not what I expected at all, and it took me a lot longer to get through. Hell, it has Thrawn, Anakin/Vader, and Padme in it! What’s not to love? Apparently, a lot. The different timepoints and perspectives in this were more jarring than anything else. Although the interactions between Thrawn and Anakin/Vader were enjoyable, it was not enough to elevate this book into the Jedi Master tier. Things felt dry, the characters didn’t grip me like in the first Thrawn, and it all felt like a ploy to introduce Batuu into canon before the launch of Galaxy’s Edge.

15. Leia: Princess of Alderaan was a dive into young Leia’s life before we see her in A New Hope even though this was marketed as a journey to The Last Jedi book, which I disagree with. We really haven’t seen any content about Leia in this time period before, and although I can’t say I was looking for this, I did enjoy it. The book was a little long, but there was adventure and the seeds are planted for Leia to be a bigger part of the Rebellion. The romance wasn’t too memorable, but Holdo wasn’t pointless in this (a stark contrast to her brief appearance in TLJ just to sacrifice herself). There’s a hint about Leia being Force-sensitive but it’s not in-your-face. It’s a typical coming-of-age story but in the gffa. The best part about this is seeing Bail and Breha as parents. I’m forever in pain that we didn’t get to see more of this in movies because it’s so so sweet. Leia must choose what kind of person she is going to be--and what kind of princess she will become. It won’t be for everyone, but I liked it.

16. Master and Apprentice was a typical Star Wars novel, which means it’s full of original characters that are strange and outlandish to serve the plot, a new world full of beautiful landscapes, and Obi-Wan suffering. I want to make it clear that this book is 80% Qui-Gon, 10% Rael Averross, and 10% Obi-Wan. I was expecting it to be 50% Qui-Gon, 50% Obi-Wan, as the cover suggested. Although I was disappointed by that, the story overall was okay. Qui-Gon is kind of an asshole in this? When is he not, though. We really get to sink our teeth into the way he and Obi-Wan fundamentally disagree with each other, so much so that their teacher-student relationship is falling apart. Tragic! They go on one last mission before calling it quits. Qui-Gon is in over his head with prophecies, Obi-Wan just wants to follow the rules, and Rael Averross is Dooku’s previous apprentice that is living his best life as a regent until Pijal’s princess comes of age. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid book. I just don’t vibe with Qui-Gon and want to whack him upside the head every time he avoids confrontation with his own student. My protectiveness for Obi-Wan is showing again, isn’t it? Yikes.

17. James Luceno is one of the most analytical authors I’ve ever read anything from, but it seems to always work? Tarkin is all about...well, Moff Tarkin. He’s ruthless, intelligent, and just downright evil. His backstory was compelling and I found myself drawn into the story by the details, although it is dense and took awhile to finish. I’m not interested in him as a character, but despite that, I enjoyed this story. The plot wasn’t memorable enough for me to recall after 3 years, but it’s similar to how Thrawn rose through the ranks of the Navy, just in a different part of the Empire’s governing body. We don’t get many books completely focused on a villain (I don’t count Vader ones because we know who he was before and the whole damn saga is about him), but this one is good! Don’t be fooled by it only being in the Knight tier. I think people who read a lot of sci-fi will like this book a lot. This is like the opposite of Queen’s Shadow, basically. If you had gripes about that book, you might like this one instead.

18. Battlefront II: Inferno Squad was a worthwhile read for anyone who played Battlefront II. Iden Versio is a great protagonist in the game, and I think Christie Golden totally gets her character. She’s nuanced and relatable. The whole team is interesting and getting introduced to each member before the events of the game makes everything mean more. That’s the real goal of any prequel story, I think. Accomplished! The action scenes are on point, the plot served to highlight what makes Inferno Squad special, and you get a sense for the morally grey area anyone must function in as an operative for the Empire. Although not necessary for the greater canon, it’s a great adventure. Iden and her squad members infiltrate the remains of Saw Gerrara’s group (they’ve become a bit of extremist) and destroy them from the inside. It’s got the suspense of a spy thriller and all of the nerdy space opera elements you expect from Star Wars. Although it’s weird to jump into a story not knowing any of the characters, you’ll get attached to Inferno Squad fast. Well, except for Gideon Hask maybe. He’s kind of a dick.

19. If you’re craving some Dark Side action, Lords of the Sith will give you what you’re looking for. Sidious and Vader crash-land on Ryloth and have to work together to survive, and also defeat the Free Ryloth Movement led by Cham Syndulla. It’s all fucking connected, guys. I love when people weave together stories that fit into the canon timeline like this, bringing in side characters and allowing them to develop some depth. And a chance to sink into the mind of a Sith Lord is always fun, if you’re in the mood to read about destruction and anger. It’s cathartic sometimes. If you’re always wondering, why didn’t Vader just stab Palps when he had the chance, this book explains their dynamic more. It didn’t really change my opinion of any of the characters, which is why it’s not higher on the list.

20. Catalyst suffered from being in a really boring part of galactic history. Despite that, Galen Erso and Orson Krennic have a hilarious relationship that I would have loved to see on-screen. This book really develops Krennic to become more than just the whiny entitled evil man we saw in Rogue One. He’s ten times worse now! But I mean that in the best way, I laugh whenever he’s in a scene, that sassy man just brings me joy. James Luceno is at it again, making things as detailed and dry as possible. I read so many of his stories right at the beginning of my journey through Star Wars canon and it’s a wonder I didn’t quit. Some of them are dark as fuck. And also slow as hell. With this one, I think it all comes down to what you want out of a Star Wars novel. Some people will really enjoy the plot. I think seeing how Galen became a part of Project Stardust was interesting and every time something about the Death Star became more clear, I screeched because I knew what it would eventually become. This book may not hold your interest though, which is why I put it lower on this list.

21. Star Wars: Clone Wars was a decent retelling of the Clone Wars movie. I liked it because I liked the movie, but you have to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride, not thinking too much about the silly parts. For that reason, it’s pretty far down in the rankings. Ahsoka is young and liable to get on your nerves. I certainly wasn’t her biggest fan at this point in the series. The biggest problem is that Karen Traviss is very anti-Jedi. Some authors for Star Wars tend to do this? To me, it’s weird. I didn’t notice it too much because it was one of the first Star Wars books I read, but it contrasts starkly with the truth of the prequel trilogy and some of the other entries in the Clone Wars Novel timeline, like Karen Miller’s books. Needless to say, although this book wasn’t super memorable aside from the familiar plot, it kept me reading Star Wars books, and so it is at least an average book. Plus, any content with Anakin and the clones is worth it for me. I love them.

22. A New Hope was good, for Alan Dean Foster. I’m not a fan, I’ll be honest. But this novelization stands on it’s own. I’m going to have to do a re-read to really go in depth on why this isn’t farther up on the tier list, but the movie is always going to be better to me. If you want to re-live the great beginning of the Original Trilogy, it’s worth your time. I mean, the story is full of adventure and mystery and lovable characters. What’s not to love? I just feel like the movie really elevates the narrative with a great score and fun character design/costumes/sets.

Padawan: These Books Have Much to Learn

23. Attack of the Clones was more entertaining than The Phantom Menace because the characters are in funnier situations. Obi-Wan and Anakin chasing Zam Wesell through the levels of Coruscant? Hilarious, just like the movie. Anakin and Padme falling in love as they spend time together? Holy fuck it’s so much better than the movie. Please read it for that alone. Outside of that, the writing style didn’t really impress me. And my experience with it wasn’t super memorable. There was potential to really make the inner dialogue of these characters impactful, to really develop the story of Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme beyond what we could get from the movie scenes alone. I didn’t think it went above and beyond there. Not a bad story at all, but you don’t get to look at Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, or Ewan McGregor the whole time either, so therefore I must rank it lower. So many beautiful people in that movie, holy shit. You can understand my, dilemma, yes?

24. I enjoyed parts of The Phantom Menace book, like deleted scenes with Anakin living on Tatooine before Qui-Gon and Padme meet him. The additional depth is lovely, but I think a story like Queen’s Peril adds more to TPM than this book does. The story overall is still fun. I love this movie so much, it’s hard for me to be critical. I did put a lot of post-it flags in my copy, so it does develop the characters and get you thinking beyond your expectations from the movie. What more could you ask for from a movie novelization? I’d say not much, if I hadn’t read Revenge of the Sith and had my fucking mind blown. In comparison to that, this one is just okay.

25. The Last Jedi novelization wasn’t bad, necessarily. It tried its best to bring this story up to par with some of the interesting novels that don’t have movie counterparts. But still, the plot suffers because of how this movie was made. It’s very focused on Rey and Kylo, and Finn’s little adventure with Rose seems pointless in the grand scheme of things. I’d rather read this again versus watching the film, but that’s all I’ll say on this because I’m trying to keep my opinions on this movie to myself to avoid digging up old arguments. Jason Fry did well, and of the two Sequel Trilogy books I’ve read, I would recommend this one over Ep. 7.

26. The Force Awakens falls short and I think it’s because of Alan Dean Foster’s writing style on this one? It didn’t really expand on anything from the movie, while taking away the beautiful music and visuals. This novel is the antithesis of Revenge of the Sith’s novelization, and for that reason I ranked it fairly low. I wouldn’t read this one unless you really really love the Sequel Trilogy.

27. To be fair, I read the new Thrawn book before I went back and read this one. Even so, Heir to the Empire didn’t impress me at all. Thrawn didn’t seem like a thrilling villain with lots of depth like he did in Timothy Zahn’s reimagined Thrawn novel. We barely saw him. A lot of time was spent on the Original Triology’s trio, which waasn’t bad. I thought Luke, Leia, and Han were all written fairly well. The latter part of the story was redeemed by the interactions between Mara Jade and Luke, for sure. Enemies to lovers, anyone?? Without Thrawn, this book would have been an entertaining story, but for all of the praise it has received from long-time Star Wars fans, I was expecting to be blown away and I wasn’t. Maybe I have to continue the triology to figure out what all of the fuss is about, but after this one, I’m not super motivated to read more. Change my mind?

28. Cloak of Deception really shines when you’re following Palpatine’s perspective because you can feel the undercurrents of his master plan to destroy the Republic underneath his calm persona as a Senator. Other than that, it’s a forgettable plot. This is all about galactic politics and some terrorist group trying to blow up some government officials. Basically the most boring parts of the prequel trilogy. I listened to the audiobook of this at the beginning of this year and I already forget what it’s about. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan should have been able to bring some humor and energy to get you rooting for the good guys,  but there was barely any of that. I was disappointed in all of the characters. Everything felt distant, removed from the heart of the characters. Some people in reviews have argued that the events of The Phantom Menace really pinned this novel in a corner because you already know what happens, but I disagree, because we know how Revenge of the Sith goes and The Clone Wars show is that much more tragic and heartbreakingly beautiful because of it. Prequels can be done right. This ain’t it, Luceno. Sorry.

29. Star Wars: The Old Republic, Fatal Alliance needs to go home and rethink it’s life. I’m a huge fan of the Old Republic and I’ve put like 200 hours of my life into playing that game, so I was hoping for some fun content in this part of the timeline. Sadly, this book captured the worst parts of the game, like the fact that there’s way too many factions at war with each other. Jedi, Sith, Empire, Republic, Mandalorians. They’re all here. They’re all ready to throw down. And I’m tired. As with many of the books in this lower tier, I felt there wasn’t enough description of the world or the people in the story. We’re in the gffa, be a little weird and wacky. Be big and bold! Make things terrifying, or beautiful, or both. But give my mind something to work with. The number of characters made the plot messier than it could have been, and it definitely isn’t worth the read. I can’t speak for all Old Republic books, but this one didn’t impress me.

A Sith Lord?! On My Bookshelf? It’s More Likely Than You’d Think

30. So underwhelming, you might as well just read the first half and then stop. Last Shot is absolutely terrible, except for Lando Calrissian’s characterization, which was spot-on. If the whole story had been from his perspective, I probably would have a much difference opinion on the novel as a whole. Sadly, this is not the case. Han was boring, he bottled up his emotions, and seemed drastically different from the badass he was in the original trilogy. There are different timepoints in this novel, and in all of them, Han is unrecognizable. Don’t nerf one of your main characters like that. Daniel Jose Older and I might just not get along. I thought his writing style didn’t fit Star Wars at all. It was like breaking the fourth wall, totally pulling me out of the story constantly. Also, there were little to no descriptions of body language, locations, or movement. It left me feeling disoriented the whole time I was reading. I thought one of the most interesting things would have been seeing Han, Leia, and baby Ben being a family at this point in time, but Han’s family was there as a prop, nothing more. There was a big bad item that was going to cause galactic destruction and our heroes had to go save the day. There was barely any tension and no one lost an arm so I’m pretty pissed off. Is it Star Wars if no one gets their appendage removed? I can’t tell you how much I disliked this book. Which is sad because I was hoping to enjoy it. I like Han. I like Lando. I like space adventures. I’m not that hard to please, or at least I don’t think so.

[augustheart]

45, 50, 42, 40, 37 character of your choice, 34, 33, 28, 23, 22, 13, and 8. you do not have to do all of these

doing all of these minus one i've already answered but i'm putting them under a cut because it is really long. (non graphic abuse m and SA m for some of these, i don't know of good substitutes for my old trigger tags.)

8. What hero doesn't deserve their hype?

13. What’s the worst character assassination you’ve seen happen?

oh my g-d whatever priest was doing with j'onn in justice league task force... like i know that a whole big thing was that he was just "putting on an act for the kids" but a) it doesn't read that way and b) it doesn't matter if it was an act when it caused actual in-universe harm to the teenagers he was supposed to be in charge of. that was fucking nuts and it's one of the parts of task force i'm actually extremely glad got left behind.

22. If you could cancel one comic book that’s running right now, what would it be?

i don't even know if i can answer this. there are several. probably taylor's nightwing book because it seems like an ableist mess. i've also heard pretty much entirely negative things about robins. while i may not care about the batfamily, i stand in solidarity with people who do, and i am prepared to pull the trigger.

23. If you could erase one comic book from canon, what would it be?

identity crisis is already erased from canon so i'm actually not going to pick that and i am instead going to pick cry for justice. you're free now

28. What’s a popular fandom take you disagree with about [x]?

all dctv fanon about the rogues is pretty shitty but i really dislike the fanon of len asking barry for a sexual favor in exchange for his help. i love it when evil characters are evil but i don't think they realize that that's. like. a horrible thing to write him doing. len is fun as a criminal who does things like over elaborate and terribly run heists. that just... isn't fun. what the hell was the deal with that being accepted as canon

33. Which character that deserves a solo didn’t get one?

max mercury mini about him traveling through time helping people and learning to control himself while also redoing his backstory when

34. Which retcon do you hate the most?

every time geoff johns kills someone's mom i grow stronger and more powerful with my anger.

37. I wish fandom/official writers understood ___ about [x].

rita was abused by steve. it's incredibly explicit that he psychologically and emotionally abused her, and pretty obvious that it went beyond that in ways i've talked about in other posts. even though he and gar grew closer after the death of madame rouge, they still had a relationship made incredibly tumultuous largely because of this abuse. you can't hand wave that away.

42. What’s a fandom trope you hate?

i have a lot which is why i'm answering this one a second time! one on my mind currently that i don't think is as popular now as it used to be is people using the period following iris' pseudo-death (or killing her off in the modern day) as like... a period that can be mined for ship fodder for [redacted very popular ship with barry]. like even disregarding the misogyny there, don't make me tap the sign (the entirety of destiny is a stacked deck).

45. What’s the worst take you’ve seen about [x] (popular or not)?

not even one specific character in mind for this but i absolutely hate how people who read comics about teenage characters or watch adaptations of comics starring teenage characters (etc etc) get upset when they act like teens. like... of course this character didn't think this through all the way. they're sixteen. of course this character is acting childish. they are a child. and it leads to the worst takes imaginable about how they're bad protagonists because they're being written realistically. also the oliver queen is an abuser take is always shit.

50. What’s something that bled into comics from a tv show or movie that you hate?

i already answered this one but I will elaborate on the answer I gave there: felicity smoak was a great supporting character under conway and ostrander and tbh absolutely ruled as a businesswoman and a tech ceo and a mostly trained lawyer with a completely justifiable vendetta against superheroes like firestorm while unwittingly being the (step)mother of said superhero. and then arrow was like oh she does computers? we'll now ruin her for everyone and make this the only version of the character anybody knows. and if you don't like that then too bad.

[fairyhaven13]

Alright, just watched the new Mulan, and I wanted to put down some thoughts here. I’ll put the non-spoiler stuff first.

It was okay. Right down the middle of the okay-scale. Which is a bit disappointing, because I was actually a bit excited for this one. It didn’t deliver anything profound or mind-blowing. Most of the personality was dulled down to “Woman Power!!”, so, it flubbed that in the same way it flubbed Jasmine’s personality in the live Aladdin. There just wasn’t much besides that message hammered over and over and over again, which meant the story was sort of lackluster. The cartoon definitely had more life to it.

Also, it couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be a war movie or a cheesy martial-arts movie paying tribute to the cartoon. It had Jackie Chan-esque physics all over the place. At one point, Mulan runs across rooftops as a kid, does a Kim Possible landing, flips a pole around her body for seemingly no reason, and then poses with the peace sign. Sort of like a corny acrobat show. Complete with a random narrator pointing out obvious facts as you watch them happen. Not sure why they went with that.

Spoilers under the cut.

So, their big gimmick for differentiating this from the original was to give the bad guy’s hawk the Nagini treatment. In other words, she’s now a magic, transforming woman at the mercy of the baddie. All she does is complain about it with every conversation. Even her talks with Mulan are nothing but, “doesn’t being a woman suck? Aren’t you sick of it? Let’s be powerful women together!” She absolutely does not pass the Bechdel test.

Her first conversation with the bad guy is essentially, “I could destroy you, but I won’t, because I need you to conquer China for me.” Then, suddenly, her next conversation is, “I see now, I’m your slave. I am powerless against you.” But, nothing has changed between her and the others? She’s still a super powerful “witch” who can take over people’s minds and turn into a bird, or a flock of birds. Why does she take this guy’s crap? Then, in the end, she does exactly what you’d expect and shakes off her shackles to help Mulan. She does this by leading Mulan to her master and then taking an arrow for her, which kills her. But, like, why? She has so much power, why didn’t she use any of that to stop the arrow?

Because she wasn’t there to be strong. She was there to have “women power!!” solidarity with Mulan, and then die. Why did they even add her? It’s such a weird choice, to take an animal character and make it into an oppressed woman just so you can see how oppressed she is.

With her as-well-rounded-as-a-cube personality, she’s actually less flat than the other supporting characters. They kept in Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po, but took away their comic relief aspect. Which is most of what they were, so you’re left with guys who act just goofy enough to be weird, but not enough to be funny. They also kept Li, but made him a fellow soldier instead of the leader, and he ended up being the Token Romantic Interest who said a few surface-deep lines and held Mulan’s hand for a brief second. It’s sad when the cartoon characters have more dynamic personalities than the live-action.

The cheesy fighting was annoying, too. People defied gravity to run up walls. Mulan rode a horse through an avalanche without any difficulty. The Witch and the Emperor both used cloth ribbons like living tentacle-swords to grab and spin people, somehow. Oh, and Mulan and the Witch both have magical Chi powers, which other people can feel the power of as they use them and go “whoooa.” That’s all the explanation we get as to why Mulan knows how to fight without any training, or why the Witch can transform into birds. It’s weird. 

Mulan was strong in her own right in the cartoon. She toughed it with the men, learned to fight with the men, and was an equal. In this, she is only equal because she needed her magic Chi to get there. It lessens her strength, making her rely on that. It’s the only reason why she becomes the best soldier in her group, because she has magic fighting powers. It’s dumb. It’s needless.

So, yeah. The movie was just okay. Not terrible. Too dumb to be great. I wish it had taken itself seriously, because we know that Disney can make good wartime movies. Rogue One was brilliant. Mulan could have been brilliant, too.

[pikapeppa]

Fenris/f!Hawke smut: Sloppy

For Day 13 of @scharoux​‘s wonderful @14daysofdalovers​ Valentine’s Day prompts! Featuring my FAVOURITE gif, beautifully crafted by @schoute​​! 

The prompt: Love Marks. The pairing: Fenris & Rynne Hawke. The premise: Fenris’s first time having drunk sex – that he can remember, at least. (NSFW.)

Read here on AO3. ~2400 words. 

Hawke looked particularly beautiful tonight. 

She was humming to herself as she wafted around the bedroom taking off her clothes. Her shirt came off in one graceful motion and was tossed onto the desk chair, and the way she shimmied off her trousers was like a jaunty little dance.

She started to unlace her bustier, and Fenris smiled lazily as he watched her. Her bosom was nowhere near as generous as Isabela’s, but in Fenris’s eyes, there was no valley of flesh more appealing than the shadows that dipped between Hawke’s perfectly petite breasts. 

She stopped with her bustier half-undone. When her nimble fingers didn’t move for a couple of seconds, he lifted his quizzical gaze to her face. 

She was grinning at him. “You’re drunk,” she said.

He cocked his head. “Why do you say that?”

“You’re staring at me like an absolute rogue,” she teased. Then, to his satisfaction, her fingers resumed their blessed tugging at the laces of her bustier.

His eyes returned to her chest. “What do you mean by that? I stare at you often,” he said. “Particularly when you’re removing your clothes.”

She laughed. “That’s how I know you’re drunk. You just admitted that you stare.” She tossed her bustier onto the chair along with her shirt. 

She was bare aside from her smallclothes now. Fenris pushed away from the wall and ignored the spinning feeling in his head as he padded toward her. “You are a beautiful woman, Hawke. You know I am fond of admiring you.” He raised an eyebrow. “Or are you fishing for compliments yet again?”

She giggled. “Oh, I’ll never turn down your compliments about my stunningly attractive appearance. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re drunk.”

He pursed his lips, then shrugged. “Fine. I may be a bit more inebriated than usual.” He frowned at her as he sat on the edge of the bed. “How are you not more drunk than I?” 

“You had punch tonight, that’s how,” she said cheerfully. “You usually stick to wine. And wine is considerably weaker than my fantastic punch.”

He grunted a rueful acknowledgement. Fenris had indeed decided to have some of Hawke’s famous – or infamous – punch tonight in solidarity with Sebastian, who had accidentally had a rather large cup at tonight’s get-together. According to a very smug Isabela, Sebastian had known exactly what he was doing, but Fenris had nonetheless decided to take pity on his friend and have some punch along with him. 

It was a pitying move that he might regret tomorrow if his spinning head became an aching one by the morning, but that was neither here nor there. What was here was Hawke’s gloriously naked body, her smallclothes having been discarded a moment ago.

And she was walking away from him toward the adjoining bathroom. 

He hastily grabbed her wrist. “Where are you going?” he asked.

“To take a bath, of course,” she said. “Where else would I be going stark naked? Unless they’ve opened a nude public bath in the town square that I don’t know about.”

Her tone was a cheeky tease, and Fenris smirked as he pulled her close. “Don’t bathe. Not yet,” he said. Without preamble, he palmed one of her breasts and stroked her nipple until it was a puckered bud against his thumb. 

She arched into his hand. “Ooh, bossy,” she said huskily. “You know you can use that bossy voice on me anytime.”

“Good,” he replied. “I am in the mood to use it now.” He ran his fingers over her nipple and admired the contrast between the dusky peak and the golden shade of her skin. 

“Hmm,” she murmured. “Well, I’ll give you a few minutes to think of how exactly you want to use it while I take a bath.” To his immense surprise, she stepped away from him and sauntered into the bathroom. 

He stared stupidly at the roundness of her bottom as she walked away, then pushed himself up from the bed and followed her. She was leaning over the tub with one hand in the water, and her palm was glowing faintly where the heat of her magic was warming the water. 

He watched her with some confusion, feeling increasingly muddled by the booze in his blood. “Are you not in the mood?” he asked. “Because if not, I will leave you alone–”

She cut him off. “I didn’t say that. I said I want to take a bath first.” She glanced at him over her tattooed shoulder. 

He narrowed his slightly bleary eyes at her. She might be heating the bathwater, but her posture did not look like she was readying herself for a bath. Her spine was a catlike arch as she bent over the tub, and her coppery eyes were as heated as the glow of her palm in the bath… 

She shifted her weight from one hip to the other. His shameless eyes fell to her hips, then to the juncture of her thighs, and a sudden rush of want surged through his chest to steal his breath. 

She was wet. There was a shine of moisture between her legs and dampening her dark curls, and his sluggish brain suddenly understood what she was doing. 

He raised his eyes to her face. “Vixen,” he accused. 

She blinked innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She bent over even further and leaned her elbows on the edge of the tub, and his cock jerked in excitement at her suggestive pose. 

He joined her in the bathroom and ran his palm along the length of her back, and she arched her back even further. Encouraged by the enticing curve of her spine, he stroked his fingers between her legs. 

She gasped, and Fenris exhaled roughly. Venhedis, she was completely slick and ready, and he was visited by the sudden mad urge to drop his leggings right this second and slide inside of her. 

She rolled her hips sinuously to meet his stroking fingers, and he dragged in a breath. “Hawke–”

She straightened suddenly and stepped away from the bath, then moved toward the small dresser in the corner that contained spare towels and soap. “I’m just going to grab my bubble bath,” she said. “You know, for this bath I’m going to take right now.”

Her innocent words and her husky tone of voice, the sway of her hips and the thrumming swirl of her punch moving through his veins… It was too much, far too much temptation and not enough restraint to balance it out, and Fenris abruptly gave in to the greedy want that was clamouring between his legs. He stalked toward her and crowded her against the wall, then pressed his swollen crotch against her bottom.

He banded one arm around her waist and roughly dragged his tongue along her tattooed left shoulder blade, and she bucked her hips back to meet him. “Fuck!” she gasped.

“Is that what you want?” he asked, and he licked her skin again. She tasted like salt and sunshine and sandalwood: a delectable combination by any measure.

He nipped her shoulder with his teeth, and she moaned. “Maker’s fucking balls. I should tease you more often when you’re drunk if this is what I get,” she gasped.

He growled, then nipped her shoulder again. Her skin really was delightfully smooth and pliant against his teeth. He pressed his lips frantically along the line of her shoulder until he met her neck, then lightly bit her neck. 

“Yes!” she gasped. 

Riled by her cry, he thrust against her naked bottom with growing impatience. Her skin was so soft beneath his lips, and the sound of her ecstatic voice when he bit that tendon in her neck was so clear and pure, and – and… fasta vass, he wanted more. More of her sounds and her taste and her skin and her lips and everything, everything that she’d been baiting him with since she’d shed her clothes a mere few minutes ago. 

He slid his hand over her belly and down between her legs. He stroked her swollen nub, and when she arched her neck and mewled, he closed his eyes with bliss. Venhedis, that sound, that precious sound and this precious exposed line of her neck, right here beside his lips… 

He grazed her skin with his teeth once more. She mewled again and craned her neck further to the side, and Fenris bit her again. 

“Maker, yes,” she gasped. “That’s – Fenris, I – bite me, please!” 

He complied happily with her request. It was what he wanted, anyway: the taste and the smoothness of her skin beneath his tongue, and the way she moaned when he sucked her skin between his eager teeth. 

She squeezed his wrist, and he snapped his attention back to his hand between her legs, which had gone still in his distraction. “My apologies,” he panted distractedly, and he resumed the gentle rubbing of her clit while sucking more zealously on her shoulder and her neck. 

Hawke’s grip on his wrist was firm, guiding him to stroke her folds and spread the slickness back up to her clit, and her moaning was guttural and unrestrained as he feasted on the tender skin of her neck. He caressed the slickness between her legs while devouring her delectable skin, and in the space of a mere two minutes, she was shuddering and crying out her ecstasy against the wall. 

Once she’d settled from her climax, Fenris began tugging at the laces of his leggings. He breathed hard as the laces came loose, then freed his pulsing cock and guided it along the slick length of her cleft. 

He hissed with pleasure. She was so wet and warm, and it felt so good to have even a hint of her perfect heat on his cock. It was going to feel even better still when he finally sank into the depths of her pussy, and he could feel himself growing even harder at the mere tantalizing thought. 

 “Fenris,” she gasped. “Please!” 

“Please what?” he grunted.

“Please fuck me!” she cried.

He exhaled hard and slid his cock through her slick folds. “I thought you wanted a bath,” he panted.

She burst out a breathless laugh. “Now who’s the vixen?”

“Still you,” he replied promptly. “Vixens are females. Males are simply called foxes.” 

She laughed more loudly still and arched her spine. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Insults, now?” he said archly. “That is hardly the way to get what you want.” He stroked his length through her slick heat once more. 

“All right, fine!” she moaned. “You have the finest cock in all of Thedas, and if you don’t use it right now to fuck me within an inch of my life, I might very well die.”

He gaped at her for a moment, then laughed. “That was unnecessarily dramatic.”

She twisted her hips. “Fenris, please!” she begged. “I need you, I need you, I don’t know how else to say it…”

“Say you love me,” he blurted, to his own mild surprise.

She glanced at him over her shoulder, and his heart did a little flip. She was beaming at him, and the warmth dancing in her coppery eyes was more than simple lust. 

“I love you, Fenris,” she said firmly. “I love you so much that it makes me giddy. Why else do you think I want you to fuck me this badly?”

He stared adoringly at her for a moment, then adjusted himself and thrust swiftly inside of her.

She jolted and cried out sharply, and Fenris groaned into her shoulder blade as he filled her all the way to the hilt. “I love you,” he moaned, and he nipped her skin again. 

“Yes,” she cried, and she bucked back to meet him. He groaned and rocked his hips toward her, one hand grasping her perfect breast and the other on her hip while she braced her palms on the wall, and the faster he fucked her, the faster his pleasure rocketed forth, rising through his belly and his chest and his throat as he sank his teeth into her skin–

He gasped and jolted. His climax was pulsing through him, bursting through his limbs and escaping his lips in a cry of pleasure against her golden tattooed skin, and he clutched her tightly as the heady rush rendered his limbs to trembling. 

A long, enraptured moment later, he released her and stumbled back, then cursed himself as his seed trickled down her leg and onto the floor. “Venhedis,” he muttered. “Hawke, I apologize, I – the mess…”

She shot him a grin and leaned tiredly against the wall. “Don’t worry about the mess.”

He studied her with some consternation. Her neck and shoulder were reddened from his teeth, and to his dismay, he could see the beginning of some bruises that were already purpling where he’d sucked so shamelessly on her skin. 

“Is something the matter?” she asked. 

He awkwardly gestured at her. “Your neck. You will have bruises in the morning.” 

She laughed breathily. “Not bruises: love bites. Completely different, as Isabela will be sure to point out.”

He grimaced as he pulled up his half-doffed leggings. “Kaffas. I’m… I am usually more composed than this.”

She laughed again and turned around to face him. “Oh Fenris, of course you are. But you’re drunk. You’re allowed to be sloppy when you’re drunk.” She stretched her arms languidly overhead. “Well, you can leave the bathroom now. I’m going to have the bath that I really wanted before a very handsome and very rude elf came bursting in here to disturb my plans and boss me around…”

Her face was lit with the most mischievous shit-eating grin. Fenris scoffed, then pinned her against the wall and clasped her face in his hands. 

“Festis bei umo canavarum,” he scolded. 

She laughed loudly, an uninhibited ring of mirth that set his heart alight, and he smiled at her before kissing her cheeky grinning lips. He might rue his wanton behaviour in the morning, particularly when Isabela caught sight of Hawke’s marred skin and began making salacious comments. But for now, with Hawke’s precious lips pressed to his own and her sated body flush to his, he had nothing but appreciation for the results of his own sloppiness.

[seriouslyhooked]

Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 16)

22 part AU written for @cssns​. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy​!!

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.

A/N: Hey everyone! So we are back after the LONGEST time away I have ever had from fic writing since I started way back when. I know it was such a long break, and so many of you have reached out to see if I am still in this, but I never forgot this story. I just had to pass the hardest year of school ever to get back to my CS happy place! There is so much going on in this story right now, so many pieces that need tying together or resolution on, and in this chapter we are moving full steam ahead (but since it’s been a while you might want to go back and refresh on where we left off before). There’s finally a meeting that so many have you have been waiting for and there’s love, loss, and so many other emotions too… but I won’t spoil much more than that. You’ll just have to read and then let me know what you think! Anyway thank you all so much for continuing to follow along in this story with me. Hope you enjoy!

“Okay, so I know that technically I can do more than make flowers grow, but I have to be honest… this is so freaking cool, I never want to stop!”

The excitement exuding from Anna this afternoon as she and Elsa worked on some magical ‘training’ with Ruby was undeniable. Emma couldn’t blame Anna for that elation either, not when she was watching her friend do something remarkable and almost unbelievable. The beautiful garden that had been here just a few hours ago was now totally over grown, with so many more flowers than there had been before. The colors of their petals were also now touched with an ethereal element. They seemed to glow, and to radiate this precious golden light from within. The veins of each leaf swirled in a pronounced and gorgeous way, and these plants were simply bursting with life and energy and magic.

Over the past three days Anna and Elsa had been doing their best to make progress in their ability to wield their family gift. This had been a fatiguing process, with Ruby having to start from very basic places. There were rules, it turned out, about how to cast spells and use magic safely. One had to remember all of these steps to make sure no one got hurt, and though at times Anna was a little hyper active or distractible, Emma had never seen her friend more studious and focused. She was determined to access her magic and do everything she could with it, and that determination was bringing her leaps and bounds in a very short time. In fact, Ruby was so confident in Anna’s ability to test her gifts and to remember to follow the laws of magic that she’d given her free time to just explore what she could do, thus this impromptu garden party of sorts.

“It’s amazing, Anna. How does it feel?” Emma asked, having a sense herself as she felt the warm and subtle kiss of the magic in the air around them. Emma felt rejuvenated and calmed all at once by this magical display, so she could only imagine what casting the spells that made this possible felt like.

“It feels like…” Anna closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and soaking in the joy around her, and when she opened her eyes they were filled with emotion and a thoughtful quality that spoke to real happiness. “It feels like getting to lick the spoon when Grams makes cookies, or the first beach day with Mom and Dad every summer.”

“That good?” Emma asked, less as a question and more as a statement of awe and true joy for her friend.

“That good,” Anna agreed, her smile growing as her eyes cast around at all she’d created over the past few hours. But eventually her gaze turned back to the house and some of that happiness dimmed. It wasn’t fully gone, but now there was a little bit of sadness in the midst of all this celebration. “I only wish that Elsa felt this way too.”

“She’ll get there,” Emma promised, though she didn’t have visions of the future to check that that was true. All she had was a thorough understanding of her other best friend, and faith that soon the pieces would fall as surely into place for Elsa as they had for her sister. “You two are never far apart for long.”

“And where we go you usually follow,” Anna joked, making Emma laugh even though this time that couldn’t be the case.

“Unless you know of some mystical waters or whatever the heck sparked magical people years ago, where I could get a gift like yours, I’m not sure that’ll be happening this time. I think the flowers only have one new overlord to answer to.”

“Well of course your magic won’t be the same,” Anna said, like this whole conversation was so totally obvious. “But being a shifter? I mean come on, that’s arguably the coolest magic of all. You’ll get to turn into a wolf for crying out loud!”

At the mention of her suppressed shifter status Emma’s heart jumped. That seemed to be a recurring thing since her grandmother had turned up and dropped the bomb of all bombs. Well honestly, maybe the biggest reveal had been the fact that her grandmother was even alive at all, but looking past the magic that was required for all of this to be real, and the heartbreak of the years that Ruth and her Dad had been apart, the reality that there was shifter blood running through Emma’s veins was surreal.

Being a hybrid, even if her ability was currently blocked, changed so much about what Emma knew of herself. It was a blessing and a curse in so many ways. On the one hand Emma was glad to have some things make more sense. The white wolf in her dreams all those years ago and that feeling that not everything was as it should be now made sense, but at the same time there was no guarantee that Elsa could even remove the block in Emma’s spirit as she had for Neal.

Currently Elsa was trying to access those memories with Ruby, but it was slow going. And even if Elsa could recreate the spell, Emma had to think about if that’s what she wanted. It would no doubt be dangerous, and no one actually knew what happened when human/shifter hybrids came of age. She would be the first one as far as they all knew and she was so out of touch with her animal Emma didn’t even realize it was there when she was awake. So how could she ever expect to be a good shifter? How could she hope to learn all that needed to be learned? What if in the end she wasn’t meant to be one? What if -

“Uh oh, and there you go again, over thinking things,” Anna said, bringing Emma’s attention back to the real world. Anna’s hand was now on her hip and she shook her head in an almost chastising way. “You’ve got to stop doing that, Ems. Elsa is going to figure this out, she’s going to find a way to safely lift the block, and then you are going to finally be all you were meant to be.”

Emma didn’t want to argue with her friend, but suffice it to say she wasn’t as convinced. Anna made it sound so simple, but in Emma’s mind it wasn’t. What she had right now was brilliant. Her life was full and happy. She had her family and her friends, and she had a true love, her fated mate, a man who made her experience love in the most blissful of ways. She didn’t want to risk any of that, and she didn’t want to go off hoping for more when what she had right now was more than enough. No one should be this lucky, despite the continued unrest that waiting for Liam was bringing, and Emma didn’t want to jinx things by feeling entitled to being a shifter too.

“It’s like me and my magic, Emma. When we found out, I was excited but I was also really scared. I kept thinking that everyone was wrong. There had to be a mistake, because it wasn’t me who was special it was Elsa.”

“Anna,” Emma said, her earnestness showing through in her tone. “Elsa might be special but so are you. You deserve your magic just as much as she deserves hers.”

“I know that, Emma, I do, but even if I know that, there’s still that voice in my head that doesn’t want to hear it, and I bet it sounds a lot like the one you have telling you that you’re not ready to be or worthy of being a shifter.”

Anna came over and took Emma’s hand in hers in a sign of solidarity. She was right, after all. Those negative thoughts did seem to be something they shared, and though she was nervous, Emma craved the chance to overcome hers just as Anna had.

“So how did you get over it?” Emma asked and Anna laughed.

“I didn’t. It’s still there sometimes, but I just have to tell it to shut up. Fear doesn’t want you to hope for good things, Emma. It wants you to limit yourself and deprive yourself of things that could be great just because they also could be scary. You can either cave to it or you can overcome it, and not so deep down you know that. And you know how I know that you know?  Because you, Emma Nolan, are one of the bravest people I have ever met.”

Emma’s throat tightened at the words, and she could feel her friend’s own emotion starting to get the better of her. Anna’s feelings freely flowed in the air around them just as they always did. She was not the kind of person to stifle her reactions. Instead, she spoke the truth as she saw at, blowing Emma away as she did.

“There’s no one else who faces a crisis like you, Emma. You stay steady, even when everyone else breaks. You did it when we were kids and small scale things happened, like when the Heller boys decided to start bullying Elsa, or when someone had to scale the McNealy’s fence to get our ball back.”

Emma barked out a laugh, thinking about old Mr. McNealy and how he used to scare them senseless as kids. Now they knew he was just a curmudgeonly old guy, but back then he seemed like a real monster.

“And you did it when everything was happening with Neal. You had to take on so much far too soon, and you did it unflinchingly for your brother and for your parents. Then, when we lost Grams, and then lost Mom and Dad so soon after, you were there for us too. Night and day, no matter what, you were our rock. As much as Elsa and I pulled ourselves together, you were right there with us, and you never questioned it. It’s always a given to you that you’ll help everyone you love and anyone you meet.”

“Well when you put it like that…” Emma said, attempting some humor even though her voice was thick with emotion. She was touched at Anna’s words, and it came to a head when her friend pulled her in for a hug. The tears pooling in her eyes fell at that point, quietly but undeniable, and she had to wipe them away as she pulled back. “Thanks, Anna. And just for the record, I don’t think I have that calm in the storm thing all to myself.”

“I know. It was a great pep talk wasn’t it?” Anna asked, prompting more laughter between the friends that continued until some rustling came from the hedgerow and Elsa and Ruby appeared.

“Seems like you two are having fun,” Elsa said, her eyes softening immediately as she saw Emma and Anna. There was still stress there, but Emma could see that Elsa felt better being back in their company.

“Well there’s plenty to go around,” Anna joked, flicking her wrist and launching an ivy vine up into the air and having it rustle against Elsa’s braided hair. “Unless you guys still have work to do. It’s kind of been a lot for one day, don’t you think?”

“About that… we’ve got some good news and some not so good news,” Ruby announced, her hands waving along as she talked, a trait Emma knew she and Killian shared when they were catching other people up to speed. “The good news is that we were able to access Elsa’s memory of when she helped Neal.”

“So you saw the spell?” Emma asked, looking between Ruby and Elsa. A chill zipped through her at their faces, because despite the breakthrough, neither of them seemed super enthusiastic.

“We did,” Ruby continued. “Turns out Elsa did the impossible – she literally removed Neal’s two souls from his body to blend them back together.”

“Removed them... wait, like killed him?” Emma asked, shocked, and Elsa looked so stricken as she quickly explained.

“I didn’t kill him. It was just a few seconds. It happened really quickly. He just went to sleep for a second, that’s all.”

“But technically without a soul a person is dead,” Ruby supplied. “And if they’re not, we’re entering vampire territory.”

“Vampires?!”  The question was yelled out not just by Emma, but Anna and Elsa as well, and Ruby winced in response.

“Sorry, bad joke. Vampires aren’t actually a thing. But then again removing souls from a body wasn’t supposed to be a thing either. So at this point…” Her continued attempt at light heartedness petered off as Ruby shrugged.

“But you can do it,” Emma said, looking to Elsa and her friend nodded.

“Apparently I can. I had no idea what I was doing then, and I can’t find anything in my family’s archives. It’s a mystery.”

“Would you even be able to do it again?” Anna asked and Emma fully expected Elsa to say that she couldn’t, but for the first time Elsa looked certain as she nodded.

“Yes. I can do it.”

“Maybe,” Ruby stressed. “She can maybe recreate a miracle a second time, but I have to be honest guys, this is not magic I know how to wield. It’s a real risk. Anything could go wrong. Your souls could react badly, they could not blend, they could reject any kind of intervention at all, and if they did…”

“If they did, I could die.”

There was no need to say anything else on the matter for a moment. The four of them allowed Emma’s observation to hang in the air, sinking in in a sickening way. Life and death situations were something Emma had faced before, but she’d never willingly put herself in a dangerous way. To do so now would either be incredibly foolish or impossibly brave, and Emma wasn’t sure where she stood yet on that. On the one hand, she could be taking a huge risk only to lose everything she now held so dearly. On the other, this could be the answer to that last missing piece of the puzzle that was her life. Plus it would help not only her, but Neal as well who was going to be facing his first shift just a few more years from now.

“Whatever you decide, Emma, there’s no need to rush,” Anna said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen as she touched Emma’s arm in a reassuring motion. “It’s not like Elsa is going anywhere. We’ve got time to see what you might want.”

“Exactly,” Ruby said with a firm nod. “This isn’t the kind of thing we should be too hasty about. Let’s just tackle one thing at a time. Liam will be arriving any day now. Let’s climb that mountain before staring down another.”

The four of them agreed this was a good place to leave things, and Emma was relieved. Crazy that the impending arrival of Killian’s unknowable brother was of relief to her now when for days it had been so anxiety inducing. But for some reason, that felt like a battle that could be won. For this moment she was part of a team, it was her and Killian and her friends and family. She felt like anything could be accomplished as long as they were together, and she genuinely had hope in her heart that things weren’t as hopeless with Liam as Killian believed. But trying to heal her block… well that would just be her and Elsa trying to do something they had no real clue how to do, and that was scary as hell.

“Ruby, what’s wrong?”

Elsa’s sudden question prompted Emma to look to her new friend, immediately feeling a pang of anxiety again. Ruby was overly alert, and Emma had seen that kind of posturing before from Killian when he thought she was in trouble.

“We’ve got company.”

“Liam?” Emma and Elsa asked at the same time and Ruby shook her head.

“No. I think I’d sense if it were Liam. No I just heard something. In the woods back there.”

The three friends turned to follow Ruby’s gaze, but Emma was shocked when Ruby moved forward towards the sound. She told them to stay back and she’d figure it out, but just as she moved out of sight, Emma, Elsa, and Anna heard a throaty chuckle that came from the opposite direction. They jumped in surprise and whipped their attention over and then Emma and her friends sighed aloud in relief.

“Graham, was that you?” Emma asked, and their town Sherriff grinned.

“Maybe.”

“It was him,” Anna said with an eye roll. “Well I hope you’re happy. You scared five years off my life. Not cool Graham.”

“Ruby it’s okay you can come out!” Emma called. “It’s just Graham. He’s harmless.”

“Oh you wound me, Emma. I like to think I could do some…”

Whatever words Graham was going to say trailed away as his eyes looked past Emma and back to the tree line. Without even having to peer over, Emma knew what he was staring at, or rather who he was staring at. The only person in that direction was Ruby and from Graham’s expression, this was more than a strictly ‘she’s hot’ reaction. Emma flipped her gaze to her new friend and sure enough, Ruby looked just as struck silly as Graham did.

“Ooh, look it’s happening again!” Anna whispered whisper-yelled gleefully. “Love struck, the two of them. It’s like Emma and Killian 2.0. I bet you guys a month of diner lunches that they’re fated mates too.”

Both Emma and Elsa refused to take the bet, instead watching (with totally no chill and no attempt at giving Graham and Ruby privacy) as the two shifters moved toward each other. Emma wondered what it must be like for them, but she had some idea. Killian had detailed to her what it felt like to be confronted with one’s other half if you were a shifter. Everything shifted focus and all of a person’s senses were heightened and needy. It was an instant force of lust and want and adoration. It was really love at first sight, and for most shifters it was just understood. There was no need for small talk or getting to know each other. Nature chose your perfect match, and time would prove that to be true.

Because she knew this, it didn’t surprise Emma when Graham took Ruby’s hand in his and when his other hand came to cup her cheek. They were so close, eyes flashing a wolf’s color and they looked just a split second away from forgetting themselves entirely and making out or doing more. Surprisingly though, words did come, and though Emma and Elsa and Anna were totally forgotten, Ruby did seem to have the sense to ask some critical questions.

“But how did I… there’s no trace of you in town. I should have known about this - known about you.”

“Oh trust me, babe, Tink is going to be hearing quite an earful from me about this.”

“Babe?” Emma whispered to Elsa and Anna, half shocked at the word choice and half uncomfortable. In all her years of knowing Graham he had never, ever, called anyone anything like that before.

“Tink?” Ruby asked, and Emma was really curious now about what having a mate meant for Ruby. There was a chance she was so overwhelmed with Graham that she wasn’t able to tap into her gifts, but this seemed like a relatively straightforward vision. Also, Emma was like ninety five percent sure Tink had been mentioned more than once.

“Girl, she is so gone for him,” Anna said gleefully. “Oh! We should make popcorn!”

“Uh no,” Emma and Elsa said at the same time before Elsa continued on. “If anything we should leave them be. It’s only a matter of time before they start going at it, and we don’t need to be anywhere near seeing that.”

Emma laughed at Elsa’s claims as Anna feigned a sigh. Obviously she wasn’t interested in spying on the intimate moments of two new mates, but Anna really did love love, and Emma knew her friend was hoping for more cuteness before any impending sexy times. But whatever any of them were expecting, it likely wasn’t what happened next. One second Ruby and Graham looked poised to run off together, and the next Ruby’s features changed and her eyes went hazy. It only lasted a moment but she jumped when it was over and she looked to be in actual pain. Graham moved with her, and though Ruby was still alarmed, Emma could see the slightest bit of comfort come form Graham still being there. Still it wasn’t enough to fully calm her, and what Ruby declared next sent ice rushing through Emma’s veins.

“He’s here. Liam’s here, and he just found Killian.”

Shit!

………………………………..

At times like this it was difficult for Killian to know if pacing was a product of habit or an animalistic urge.

There was evidence enough to suggest it could be his animal. Wolves were known for patrolling when they were contained, agitated, or ready to fight, but as the morning light shifted to a mid-day warmth, Killian’s pacing felt like more than that. True, he felt a little held captive; the anxiety of what was coming was getting to him and there might indeed be reason to fight. But this motion right now, this back and forth route in front of his new Storybrooke home, wasn’t caused by his brother or an impending battle: it was caused by a desire so strong it was starting to control him.

As the days passed by, Killian’s love for Emma only grew. Despite the full moon being long gone by now, he felt this continuing clawing need to be near his mate. It was difficult for him to be away from her, and it was damn near impossible when there was a threat not too far off. In fact, the only thing keeping him sane right now was that she was protected and surrounded by other people who loved her. Ruby was a more than capable shifter who had made it very clear that she considered Emma family in the realest kind of way, and with her visions she should see any danger for Emma before it got here. They had been spotty as of late, with larger blind spots than she was used to, but both Killian and Ruby were certain that when the time for Liam’s arrival actually came, Ruby would know of it. That, coupled with Anna and Elsa’s new gifts, was enough to keep Killian from trailing Emma all afternoon and trying to protect her himself.

The fierceness of his need to see Emma safe was one of the strongest things he’d ever experienced, second only to his love for her, and carrying around such immensity of emotion made Killian eager to shift and to run and howl. He’d allowed himself the first two so far this morning already, but eventually he’d been called back to human form and to the house again. Connecting with his wolf right now just didn’t seem to hold all of the power that it once did for his peace of mind, and Killian was relatively certain he knew why. For underneath all of that protective instinct, and beyond the anticipation of seeing his brother again, there was something else clawing at Killian, something he wanted to do so badly but kept having to keep himself in check over.

Opening the small black box that held a symbol of his hopes for he and Emma, Killian looked down again at his grandmother’s ring, his eyes catching the way the precious gem sparkled in the light. It looked just the same as it always had, a classic and beautiful ornament, now fitted to Emma to perfection, and designed to show the world how tied up they were together. It was a testament to love, a symbol that, if she said yes, the two of them would be wed. And even though he knew that’s what Emma wanted, seeing as she’d already agreed to be his mate, it still made his heart sputter in his chest to think of asking her. He knew that he wanted that moment to be perfect. Emma deserved everything from flowers to candlelight. She deserved ambiance and the undeniable truth that he loved her more than anything. She deserved a story, one they could tell forever and look back at with pride. But even though he knew what should be done, it was killing Killian not to just do this now. He hated waiting. His patience was all but fried, and every day that he spent not working towards that forever with Emma hurt him more than he could say.

But here was where it all came back full circle. Because the reality was he couldn’t create that moment. He couldn’t give Emma those things when he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. All of them were anticipating the arrival of his brother and the showdown that would come, and until that was faced and dealt with Killian couldn’t do what he wanted most. It would be too selfish on his part, and he already had regrets about how things had gone with Emma already. Not their being together surely, for he could regret nothing about having Emma in his life and in his heart. But he wished that things could have been a little less harried. Emma was strong and determined. She would stand tall through whatever storm came their way, but he wished she didn’t have to. That essence of normalcy that she was craving? Truth was he craved it too. If they could just have a little bit of peace and quiet to enjoy all that they’d found it would be miraculous. But it seemed too much to ask the universe to have such a brilliant mate and a bit of time to truly enjoy his good fortune.

You’re going to wear a patch in the grass, Killian.

He heard the words in his head and they were said with the loving chastisement that only his mother had ever truly been able to capture. He closed his eyes and stopped, inhaling the fresh air around him and breathing out again. It was rare for him to do this anymore, to hear his mother’s voice as he went about his life. He’d shut off the part that was open to her and her goodness so long ago. When he trained to confront his father, he stifled that old connection. He shut down the little voice inside his head that reminded him what was good and right. But since he’d found Emma and tried to separate himself from that old life of revenge, he was more and more susceptible to it again. That susceptibility was both beautiful and painful. On the one hand he swore he could hear his mom right now. He could picture her in his minds’ eye shaking her head at him with a smile at her lips. But he knew when he opened her eyes she wouldn’t be here. There would just be more waiting and more agonizing over what was next.

“Bloody hell, Liam, I wish you would just get here already and be done with it.”

The words were gruff as he spoke them aloud, nearly yelling with the ferocity of his agitation. He kept his eyes closed and tried to center himself again, but before he could a voice by the tree line responded to him.

“Wish granted.”

Careful not to make any sudden movements, Killian pivoted to where he heard his brother’s voice and looked at him for the first time in so many years, seeing that it was in fact Liam there, and not just some figment of his imagination.

A few seconds passed where Killian allowed himself to take his brother in, and though he was surprised at how clean cut and together Liam still seemed to be, he didn’t let any of that show. If this reunion was going to be anything like last time then he was in for a hell of a fight, but there was a real need for Killian to control himself. Even on the night he was first infected, the bite had made it so Liam was out of control and unable to resist his baser urges. To counteract that, Killian had to be smart. It was the only way to handle this and to see that he, Emma, and the rest of their friends and family were okay. Still, looking at Liam now was like a stab to the heart, for though all this time had passed, he still looked as he always had, and Killian swore he saw a mix of sadness and also love in his brother’s eyes, despite everything.

“It’s been a long time, little brother,” Liam said, filling the space between them with words that were charged in a way Killian couldn’t understand. There was no anger there. No resentment. Just longing and a little bit of pain. “You look different.”

“I am different,” Killian replied. His muscles flexed slightly, and though he hoped to hide it from Liam, Killian watched as his brother tracked the movement. Liam didn’t reply in kind though, instead siding with continued conversation as he moved a bit closer.

“Ah yes. A mate’s love will do that, or at least that’s what they tell me.”

Now Killian couldn’t help tensing up.  He didn’t like it at all that his brother had mentioned Emma, even in the abstract. It was too close for comfort, but when Killian let out a low growl, Liam only laughed. It was a barked out sound, one that made it seem like Liam hadn’t had cause to laugh in a long time, but it calmed something inside of Killian. It wasn’t threatening. If anything, Liam seemed to be enjoying himself. That was unexpected, but it didn’t feel aggressive and that was something to be grateful for.

“Relax, brother. I didn’t come here for her.”

“Then why did you come?” Killian asked, wanting to believe Liam, but knowing that the bite would change any man and that it had already started to change Liam years ago.

“So it’s like that then,” Liam sighed. “Straight to the point. No conversation after all this time? No soft landing?”

“Why bother putting it off? You’re here, and we both know why.”

“I’m not so sure we do,” Liam replied thoughtfully. “I’ve thought of this moment every day since that night. I thought of what I’d say when I saw you again, and damn if I can bring myself to say any of that now. It all seems… not enough.”

“Well why don’t we start with the basics. This control you’re displaying. Is that… permanent?”

“Much as I might like to say yes, I can’t do that. For all my flaws, lying is something I still can’t abide by.”

Killian’s stomach fell at the confession from his brother. It was confusing to say the least, because on the one hand Liam didn’t seem to be doing anything that would signal that he or his wolf wanted to fight. There was no display of dominance, no call to contest. To Killian that signaled that maybe Emma’s more wishful thinking was right. Perhaps Liam was here to make amends and to make things right, as crazy as that seemed, but confessing that he wasn’t actually in control scared Killian. He’d seen the flip switched in his brother before. It was terrible to behold and if Liam couldn’t stop it then it was only a matter of time before Killian bore witness to that beast again.

“So the sickness. You haven’t cured it?”

“No,” Liam replied, his acceptance of his condition heart wrenching to hear. “I am what I am now. A monster, a beast, an abomination: you can call me whatever you like, but the curse remains.”

Killian allowed that truth he already knew to soak in. Again he’d been hopeful, and again his hope was thwarted. Of course Liam was still burdened with this blackness. There was no escaping it, but still it killed Killian to hear it. Listening to his brother berating himself, calling himself a monster – a beast – it was terrible, and yet Killian couldn’t contradict him. He knew nothing of Liam anymore. He knew the man he had been, but what was to say that man truly remained? He appeared to be here, but appearances weren’t enough to build trust on. They couldn’t be, not when the stakes were so high.

“You never were good at covering your emotions, brother,” Liam said witfully, his eyes studying Killian intently. “I can see it all practically jumping off of you. Love. Wariness. Sadness. Fear. Crazy you stayed hidden all these years. You’d think so much energy would be easier to track.”

The mention of tracking put Killian on alert again. There was the reminder he needed that this wasn’t a one off. Liam wasn’t here for a casual visit. He’d been hunting for Killian for years and Killian had known it. He’d lived off the grid as much as he could. He never built a life, never had roots. Hell, he never had dreams of any kind for years and years to stay ahead of that search. His life had been hellish, and that hell was in no small part because there was always the threat of Liam just waiting to take him down.

“What can I say? Ruby’s a powerful witch.”

“Ah she always was. Little Red,” Liam said with another strange laugh. “Remember when we called her that as kids? God she hated that.”

Killian was thrown by the tenderness Liam displayed for Ruby. This whole exchange was honestly giving him whiplash. One moment his brother was kind and trying to connect, the next he was poking Killian with the reminders of the threat he posed. It was confounding and confusing, and it made the wolf inside scratch at the surface, trying to fight this out instead of lingering in whatever strange game Liam was playing here.

“Ruby isn’t the reason you came either. So let’s get on with it. Why are you here, Liam?”

“I’m here because I have to be. We had to meet again. You made sure of it that night.”

“I spared you that night, Liam. I…” Killian trailed off before reiterating the thought, because honestly he wasn’t so sure that’s what he’d done. Had he spared Liam? Or had he just damned his brother to so many more years of this descent into madness?

“You made a choice, a choice that speaks to who you are, brother. You could have killed me, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. It could have all been over. You could have been free, but instead you chose another path. This path, and now we have to face it.”

The ominous words hung in the field between them and Killian didn’t know what to say. Liam was right after all, at least in a way. He hadn’t been capable of killing Liam. There just wasn’t that option, and because of that there had been the risk and that sinking sensation that followed Killian all these years that they’d meet again. But while his brother was resigned and yet also strangely unreadable, Killian was resolute. Things wouldn’t end the same way twice. There were too many other people who needed protecting, and too much more to live for now than there had been years ago.

“I’m sorry, Killian. I’m sorry for that night, and for any night you’ve faced since that you worried about me. I’m more sorry than you can ever imagine. I would have done anything to spare you that.”

Wait… what?

“You’re sorry,” Killian repeated, his mind reeling from the truth he heard in Liam’s out of the blue words. “But you’ve come here to kill me.”

“So you keep suggesting,” Liam replied, his eyes taking on a little humor again.

“And what are you suggesting, Liam? I realize this is all some big game to you, but frankly I don’t want to play. I never did, so if you’ve come to fight me, fight me.”

“You know I thought this would be different, our last time together,” Liam said, his voice a wistful whisper, as it sailed across the breeze to Killian’s ears. “I should have known, even if I hoped for something more. But let me cut to the chase. I came to -,”

The snap of a branch in the woods very close to them claimed both brothers’ attention, and when Killian saw it was Tink his feelings were mixed. There was relief, but also dread. He couldn’t exactly explain why, but the reason would show itself soon enough.

“I caught a new scent in town and thought you might need backup,” Tink said, but her usual confidence was cowed in an instant when a fierce growl sounded out so loudly that it shook the ground around them.

Killian whipped his head back to look at his brother, but Liam was gone and all that remained was the beast in man’s clothing. His eyes were like coal, his face was snarled, his stance was poised for shifting. He heaved for breath, his anger rolling off of him, and just like that the nightmare Killian had been reliving for years was with him once more. Whatever had just occurred was over. The talking was done, the dancing was finished, and now it was time to face this twisted fate once and for all...

Post-Note: Okay I know I know I left this on a cliffhanger and I am terrible! BUT I have some pretty great news – the next chapter of this story is already mostly written and I will be posting it sometime in the next week! I should probably space it out more since the rest of the chapters aren’t completed yet, but trust me – you will all want to see the conclusion of what happens between Killian and Liam.  Anyway thank you all so much for your patience and your continued support. Hope you’re all doing well, and hope you’ll tune in next time!

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[livingwithloops]

Lupus: The Misunderstood Suckiness

If you have to have a terrible disease, Lupus is a particularly shitty one to have. Not only does it make you feel horrible every single day, but to make matters even worse, most people don’t understand what it is or even really believe that it’s a thing. If you have cancer, people pray for you, run 5ks in your name, and make t-shirts with motivational sayings like “save the tatas” on them. When you have Lupus, people tell you that you should really work on a more positive mental attitude and make a five-year plan that includes a job that you’ll probably be able to do in spite of your inconvenient infirmity. 

 Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t know what Lupus was either when my daughter got it. I was like, “huh?” (Dumbfounded deer in the headlights gaze and all). I didn’t think Lupus was that serious, even though my daughter was currently, at that precise moment, at imminent risk of dying from it. Imagine the shitty luck–getting a disease that might really kill you that most people around you (including yourself) don’t even understand. At all.

 So here’s my effort to explain as an effort to illuminate the confusion. Let’s start with cancer. Cancer happens when a bunch of cells that aren’t supposed to be there begin to take over a part of your body that you need. Kind of like when there’s mold in your bread–you need to get it out (or throw the bread away so maybe that’s not a very good analogy but you get the point). There’s something there in your body that shouldn’t be there and the treatment is to get it out asap. Chemo, friends run 5K, everyone shows solidarity, and with any luck and the miracle of modern medicine, one is cured. 

 Contrast that with Lupus. Here’s where it gets tricky. With Lupus, your body begins to hate itself. Your body starts to think, for some inexplicable reason, that IT is the mold in the bread, the cancer cell, or a really bad bacteria. Your body starts to fight with itself, confused into thinking that it’s very own self is an invading and dangerous entity. So the immune system, designed to love and protect our bodies, goes rogue and tries to destroy it. Holy hell!! 

 The attacking and confused immune system has an assortment of organ systems to choose from and hate on…..some common victims are the kidneys, skin, heart, central nervous system, the opportunities are many. Therefore, the symptoms of Lupus vary accordingly. If your stupid Lupus attacks your kidneys, you have kidney problems. If it’s your skin in the crosshairs, you have terrible rashes. If it’s your brain, you have headaches that make you want to poke your eyes out. It’s a real picnic. 

 In spite of those varieties, almost every Lupus sufferer pretty much feels like shit all the time. They may not be actively vomiting, but you can be pretty safe in assuming that they might want to. Likewise, they’d probably rather stay in bed most days and can function only by exerting about as much effort as it would take for you or me to run around the block at top speed. Five times. It’s not easy.

 To add insult to injury, the treatments for Lupus are pretty stupid too. Basically, science hasn’t spent a whole lot of energy on Lupus yet because they haven’t had the funding (although it’s getting better), so the best they can do is just basically try to knock the immune system into submission using a variety of horrible medicines with evil side effects. You can take chemo (which doesn’t make your hair fall out in the Lupus variety and which you can conveniently administer to yourself at home), some assorted immunosuppressant drugs, (one of which is actually an anti-malarial drug that they noticed suppresses lupus, but also that might unfortunately make your retinas detach eventually), and of course the dreaded steroids. Those make you feel much better but generally cause you to gain forty pounds or so, so there’s that uplifting aspect of the whole thing to contend with. The steroids immediately brought my daughter back from the brink of death but I then had to explain to my mother that giving her the steroids SO SHE COULD LIVE WAS, indeed, preferable to her having to gain forty pounds right before her prom.

  It would seem more fruitful to try to figure out WHY a person’s immune system has gone crazy and make it stop being confused than to just stun it senseless–but what do I know? It’s clear that the medical profession has not had the advocacy of more “visible” illnesses like cancer and AIDS, along with the resulting funding that goes along with that visibility. Funding brings research, which brings answers, and along with that, a cure.

 But until then, let’s go back to public perception. I mentioned having to explain the “death/weight gain” conundrum to my mother. I also had to explain to her that Lupus is, indeed, a real disease and not something they just made up in the South (New Englanders tend to be a bit suspicious of anything that happens south of Atlantic City).  My mother was much more convinced that Lupus was a thing after Venus Williams was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome—because, after all, she played tennis and clearly was legit. Many friends, well intended all, were convinced that Elizabeth didn’t have Lupus, but was just “tired, stressed, overweight (steroids be damned), had a tick bite, needed to stop drinking diet Coke and eating Pringles”—the list goes on and on. My beloved sister sent us a juicer that cost more than my rent so that I could make her some organic soups that a particular doctor swore had cured many Lupus sufferers. Worse, there was a lot of judgment directed my way as her mother. I heard “how can you let her eat chocolate—that makes headaches worse,” “I can’t believe you’re LETTING HER have chemo again” (because I was enjoying it so much), along with darker suggestions that I was actually causing her to be sick by indulging her pain (As an aside, I would like to challenge anyone to watch their child scream and writhe in pain and not “indulge” it by trying to make it stop. Just sayin’).

 So here’s the point. People DO NOT understand Lupus. It’s one of those weird things that has always existed but never been talked about. It’s usually moderately miserable, but if you have a case like my daughter’s, it’s epic and terrifying and life changing. It CAN NOT be fixed with soup, cured by acupuncture, or straightened out by the power of positive thinking. It is a horrible, chronic illness that can be battled into remission, lived with through good self-care and resolute bad-assery, and tolerated while a decent cure is hoped and waited for.

 That’s why I’m writing this. As a ridiculously optimistic cheerleader of a mother, I hereby declare war on the ignorance that surrounds Lupus and other “invisible illnesses.” I am resolutely determined that my daughter is going to live a full, beautiful, amazing life as a testament to the fact that this stupid disease can’t HAVE her. She may have IT, but not the other way around. So part of making that happen is dragging people’s head out of the sand and telling them what this thing really is. It’s a suckfest. It’s a shitty deal. It’s a super ironic dark metaphor for the fact that our minds attack themselves and our bodies can too—especially as women. Ninety percent of Lupus sufferers are women. Coincidence? I think not! We can hate our thighs as we look at them in the mirror or our immune systems can hate our kidneys on the inside. It may just be me, but I see a correlation. So as that cheerleader of a mother, I’ve done just about everything and anything I can think of to help my daughter. We’ve been to just about every major medical center that specializes in Lupus. We’ve tried every mainstream/not mainstream treatment anyone has suggested to us. I quit my job so that I could be around more and fight the good fight right by her side. That meant exercise, rehabbing our pantry, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, massage, psychotherapy, pain specialists, a trip to a facility in Utah that helped provide coping strategies when life’s pain proved just too much. For her. Not for me, although I think a trip out there might be in my future too. If you think it sucks being sick, try watching your daughter live in suffering every single day. It’s pretty much unbearable and has brought me to the point of dark depression and excessive wine consumption on many occasions.

 So don’t get me wrong….I believe in alternative treatments, holistic medicine, good nutrition, and most importantly, the power of prayer. I don’t discount those things for a minute and believe that miracles happen ever day, with OR without conventional medicine. I also think that people who are dealt the crummy hand of a chronic illness are tasked with a great burden—they must become an advocate for their own care. They should be vigilant about their treatment, their diet, their level of self-care. Unfortunately, it’s even more necessary for them than it is for the rest of us. Just one more point in the “this shit ain’t fair” column. But it is what it is. That said, however, Lupus patients (and those with other “invisible illnesses”) seem to be judged WAY more harshly for their occasional ice cream cone than the cancer sufferer would. The Lupus patient eating an ice cream cone would be looked at like a pregnant woman with a cigarette while the cancer victim would be praised for her indomitable spirit. Believe me, I’ve watched it happen. Bottom line—I’m a huge fan of self-care but also a huge proponent of NOT judging sick people for their sickness, for how they handle their sickness, or for when they occasionally come up short in the iron-will department.

 For after all, who among us can look inside our healthy bodies and honestly say that we have taken pristine care of every single cell, every single day, as long as we’ve lived…………..because by thinking that our behavior has created our health, we’re also kinda sorta saying that the sick person’s behavior has created their illness. And don’t go there. That’s REAL bad karma and just not nice.

   If you ask me, though, I can say with certainty that I will never give up fighting for my daughter. I know that about myself, I’m pretty stubborn. Now I’m ready to issue a call-to-action to the people around us. Because WE are not doing enough. Until people realize that they’re NOT.GETTING.IT—that they’re missing an opportunity to support and help and understand, then I haven’t done my job as her mother. Until people learn that they should reach out—invite your friend with Lupus to lunch or, better yet, bring lunch to her so that she can eat it in her jammies, until they understand, show compassion, and believe in what they don’t understand—things aren’t going to get better for people who suffer with these diseases.  Until we throw as much money at finding a cure for Lupus as we have for Cancer or AIDS or heart disease (worthy illnesses, all)—we will have left a lot of suffering people behind, feeling judged, alone, and responsible for their own disease. I can’t say it clearly enough—NO ONE judges the cancer victim or the person who  has a heart attack or AIDS—even though there are arguably behavioral or environmental components to all these diseases.  NO ONE criticizes them, their mothers, their doctors, or invalidates their pain by telling them to “power through it.” In fact, such insensitivity would be universally shamed and shunned by society. So why is it ok to do to the Lupus sufferer?

 Why not ask yourself that?

[anghraine]

“whatever we deny or embrace” - part one

I just saw a screed about the evils of genderbending, which reminded me to update the final (“final”) version of the queer AU!

title: whatever we deny or embrace verse: queer Rogue One/f!Cassian AU (2/6) characters: Baze Malbus, Chirrut Îmwe, Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Kaytoo; Chirrut/Baze, Jyn/Cassian stuff that happens: Baze and Chirrut both love Jyn from the start. It’s Baze, though, who likes Cassia. After Eadu, that’s a problem.  previous sections: prologue

PART ONE

“Does he look like a killer?”

“No. He has the face of a friend.”

If asked, Baze could not have explained what he saw in Cassia Andor’s face. It was sharp, hard, unsmiling, her gaze alternately suspicious or vacant. Not friendly by any stretch of the imagination. Nor was she friendly; at best, she snapped out commands without pausing to question whether they would be obeyed.

The face was attractive, but that had never been something to sway him. Certainly not in a woman. Her half-shy, wholly charmed looks at Jyn went further, snuck throughout the long week to Eadu.

Within those few days, he cared about Jyn as much as he had anyone but Chirrut. Baze made quick judgments and lived by them, and his snap judgment of Jyn was of a quiet firebrand fighting to survive without losing herself. He couldn’t have seen more of himself in her had she been his sister by blood. In Jyn’s circumstances, he would have been—Jyn. But in his own, he had Chirrut, and she had no one. Without thinking too much about it, he found himself sticking near her in silent solidarity.

Not quite as much as the captain did, however. The two girls constantly hovered together, amorphously concerned and not appearing to much notice.

(“Women,” Chirrut corrected, and Baze scoffed in the face of his evident amusement.

“Children, the lot of them.”)

From his supportive lurk, he couldn’t have missed Cassia’s stolen glances had he tried. He wasn’t sure how Jyn managed it, in fact. But in fairness, Cassia—who rarely missed anything—seemed no less oblivious to Jyn’s stares.

(“We’re watching a farce,” he grumbled.

“I’m not watching anything,” said Chirrut.)

Then, they reached the Imperial facility on Eadu, and … well. That happened. Baze sided with Jyn as far as he did anyone; she wasn’t right, exactly, but he remembered the bodies of the Temple’s dead too well to blame her. Cassia could spare some modicum of pity for a woman she had exploited, a woman whose father had just died in her arms. Still, it didn’t alter his opinion of Cassia, either. He remembered, too, those last years as a Guardian, clinging to unbending faith under the grip of the Empire. That kind of conviction was not a forgiving thing, and it burnt at both ends.

Captain Andor had not burned up yet, but she was well on her way. Baze knew the signs; he’d been there, and found only Chirrut on the other side. She would find what? The droid? More than Jyn had, to be sure—except Jyn had herself, stubbornly whole. Cassia, cool and clear-headed, seemed a creature of fragments.

“The face of a friend, eh?” Chirrut asked that night, because he always had to have the last word.

Baze thought of just agreeing—he was tired, long day, they only had three days more to the Rebellion, which he did not recall volunteering for—but his soul revolted.

“Yes,” he said firmly. “You’re the one who said she carries a prison with her.”

Chirrut sobered. “She does. I’m sorry for her. But this woman is more dangerous for that, not less. It doesn’t make her a friend.”

“She’s a nice girl,” insisted Baze, halfheartedly pretending that most of his attention lay with unwrapping his repeater cannon. He had space for it. On both ships, Cassia had consigned them to the one set of full quarters available—unnecessarily, but he wasn’t about to give it up to any of these twenty-something children. “They both are, underneath.”

“Far underneath,” Chirrut said. True enough. “The captain, anyway. That nice girl just about put a blaster bolt through an innocent man’s head.”

“So have I,” said Baze.

To his immense satisfaction, his husband had no answer to that. Baze, who could not care less about Galen Erso in himself, undressed and crawled into bed in an excellent mood. He closed his eyes, vaguely soothed by the clatter of Chirrut’s staff and the rustle of his robes as he tossed them aside. He’d always been incurably careless.

Baze was just drifting off when Chirrut spoke again.

“I hope you’re right.”

Longing for sleep, he grunted. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“They have choices waiting for them at the Rebel base, both of them.”

“Probably,” said Baze.

“Choices that could change the galaxy.”

He opened his eyes just so he could roll them. “Uh-huh. Go to sleep.”

All right, he didn’t believe Chirrut’s nonsense. Awake, though, he knew only too well that this Death Star business was galaxy-changing. They had to bring that thing down. That meant Jyn had to play nice with the Alliance, and Cassia had to back her up. He certainly didn’t pretend that his or Chirrut’s word would go far, much less an Imperial pilot’s. And the droid would tear out its own wiring if Cassia told it to.

Both women had choices to make, after a fashion. It didn’t require any Force delusion to see that. And both choices seemed somewhat uncertain prospects at the moment. Jyn and Cassia spent the two days after their fight sulking on opposite ends of the shuttle.

Not that they said so. Jyn sat in the quiet, meditating with her crystal. Cassia talked over hyperspace lanes with Bodhi and K-2SO, and calculated coordinates.

Sulking.

Chirrut mumbled some absurdity about them finding their own paths in their own ways. But nobody had time for that. Baze stalked around the shuttle, never eager for conversation, less eager for the one somebody needed to have with their fearless leaders. When he ran into Cassia’s droid, it was almost a relief.

“Baze Malbus,” K-2SO intoned. “You have walked the same route seven times in the last hour.”

Baze didn’t bother responding.

With a distinct note of irritation, it added, “Is this merely a pointless waste of time and energy, or do you expect to achieve something by it? I can tell you that the odds—”

Ignoring this, he said abruptly, “Can you tell me the odds of the captain apologizing?”

Its eyes flashed, recalibrating. “That depends on more factors than you could contemplate.”

“And?”

“Without additional input, nineteen percent in generic circumstances. That number does not incorporate data relating to espionage activities. I assumed you only referred to her present role.”

“That’s right,” Baze allowed.

“Of course.”

“And how likely is an apology to Jyn?”

The droid managed to infuse deep indignation into the slight shift of its head. “What for?”

Baze and K-2SO stared at each other for long seconds. Finally acknowledging that he was unlikely to outwait a droid, Baze said,

“Galen Erso’s death.”

“Cassia did not end his life,” said K-2SO. “In violation of a directive from the acting head of Rebel Intelligence, I might add. If Jyn Erso cannot grasp that fact, it is her failure, not Cassia’s. I rate the chance of the captain apologizing at four percent.”

“That’s your analysis? Or a hunch?”

“I am a strategic analysis droid,” K-2SO snapped, its usual slouch straightening up. “I do not have hunches. Not that you deserve the details, but three percent is the margin of error I allowed for unknown variables. The raw probability is one percent. Rounded up.”

Baze eyed it skeptically.

The droid said, “Apologies indicate regret.”

“The captain likes what she does?” From what he’d seen of her, he found that extremely unlikely. Even Chirrut knew better—well, particularly Chirrut.

“It seems that your ears are decaying with your brain cells,” said K-2SO. “I did not say that. But she does not regret anything that furthers the aims of the Rebellion. She certainly does not think she should waste our valuable time and power sources on useless guilt.” Unnecessarily, it added, “And neither do I.”

“Surprise,” Baze muttered. “So how, exactly, was Erso’s death going to further the aims of the Rebellion?”

K-2SO paused. “It wasn’t. That’s why she didn’t do it.”

And Jyn had nothing to do with it. Sure. But he didn’t feel the need to hear Jyn or himself insulted by a hunk of metal and grease, so he only replied,

“You’re telling me that she’s got nothing in that prison of hers that isn’t for the Rebellion?”

“I don’t know what you mean by prison,” said the droid, primly. “The Empire has never caught us. But she does not do anything that isn’t for the Rebellion.”

“Never?” asked Baze, out of purely disinterested motives that had nothing to do with another young woman on the shuttle. He cleared his throat. “She doesn’t watch out for anyone unless they’re useful?”

The droid tilted its head. “Why would she?”

“Then nobody’s going to be watching out for her when she isn’t,” he said.

It managed to draw itself up into further heights of indignation. “Cassia is always useful. And she has me. I am superior to any collection of organic matter.” Muttering to itself, K-2SO swivelled and stalked off.

A jealous droid. Wonderful.

Unfortunately, Baze suspected that its judgment of their captain could be trusted. Jyn, the injured party, had a much better chance of hearing good sense.

Hearing was perhaps an overstatement. He wandered to her end of the shuttle, and stationed himself in her general vicinity. Neither said anything for a good ten minutes, though the stiff line of Jyn’s shoulders relaxed. A little.

“He must have had all sorts of information,” she said at last.

Baze eyed her from his corner. “Eh?”

“My father,” said Jyn, quite conversationally. “Imagine all the things he could have passed onto the Rebellion. Do you suppose she ever thought of that?”

“Perhaps,” he replied. The Force couldn’t be real. If it were, surely he would not be having this conversation. “Maybe it’s why she didn’t take the shot.”

Jyn’s eyes settled on him, hard and focused. “Did she send you?”

“No,” said Baze. Then he scowled. “Nobody sends me anywhere.”

Though she remained impenetrably grave, the wariness in her face faded. “Someone should let Chirrut know.”

Baze snorted.

They fell silent again, more comfortable with quiet companionship than speech. Beyond that, no sure approach came to Baze’s mind. Another few minutes passed before either roused themselves to speech.

“So you believe her?” Jyn asked.

“Yes,” said Baze. He would have left it at that, would very much have liked to leave it at that, but at Jyn’s ambivalent scowl, forced himself on. “I’ve seen the captain upset before, in Gerrera’s cell. But she kept a cool head.” Until she realized Jyn might get crushed to death, anyway. “She didn’t at Eadu. She was angry, unreasonable. Something shook her.”

Jyn exhaled. Tucking the crystal away, she said, “I suppose so. It could have been what happened, though. It was chaos down there.”

“She’s an assassin, Jyn,” said Baze, as kindly as he knew how. “For a cause, but—a Rebel spy. For decades, if we can trust her that far.”

Her mouth twisted. “So what’s one more dead Imperial to her?”

“I didn’t say that,” he replied, though … yes. Pretty much. “Back in our cell, she told us that she’d never been in one before. If that’s true, she’s good at what she does. Very good. A raid on an Imperial facility wouldn’t rattle her. But she was rattled.”

“Orders,” muttered Jyn. “That’s what she said.” She sounded unimpressed, but not as uncompromising as before.

Maybe.

“She’s a good soldier girl,” Baze agreed dryly. It was true enough, though; Cassia seemed to receive and deliver orders with equal intention of seeing them carried out. “I don’t imagine they’d keep her in the field if she weren’t.”

Jyn flinched. But she said in her usual firm tone, “No place for rebels in the Rebellion?”

“They keep their secrets close, everyone knows that.” He folded his arms, knowing he stood on shaky ground and disliking it. “Their spies know enough to carry out orders, and I’d bet not a drop more, unless they run over it themselves. Rogue pilots, maybe. Rogue spies, no.”

“Cassia knew more,” she insisted. “She was the one with the intel this time.”

Baze, following his instincts, kept his mouth shut.

“If that’s why she didn’t shoot—” Jyn paused, hands and lips compressed.

He didn’t risk a direct answer. “For what it’s worth, the droid’s opinion is that she decided your father’s death wouldn’t help the Rebellion.”

Jyn, given the opportunity to deflect onto K-2SO’s many failings, ignored it. She stared up at him with pale cheeks and wide green eyes, looking impossibly young.

“That would mean that Cassia believed me. Believed that Father didn’t deserve to die. She didn’t … she … ”

“Captain Andor is the only one who can answer that,” said Baze.

Jyn didn’t seem to hear. “If she trusts me, then—they’ll listen if she backs me up. Her commanding officer’s a general, and the leader of the Rebellion introduced her to me. We have to get those plans.”

With some skepticism, Baze listened to the exact conclusion he’d hoped she would reach. “True.”

“And …”

Jyn seemed content to let the sentence trail into the infinity of space. He cleared his throat again.

“And?”

Colour flooded her cheeks. She tilted her chin up, hope and determination hardening over her face.

“Trust goes both ways.”

Baze had the good sense to leave Jyn to her epiphany. Considerably more doubtful about Cassia’s end of the business, he arrived in the cockpit to find Bodhi gone and Chirrut perched in the co-pilot’s seat, amidst various switches and signals and technological paraphernalia. He looked both ridiculous and smug, and Cassia more haunted than usual.

“What did you do to the pilot?”

“Nothing,” said Chirrut virtuously. “The poor man fell asleep.”

Cassia lifted her gaze to Baze. “Bodhi just about collapsed once he had nothing more to do. He’s had a long few weeks.”

“One way of putting it,” muttered Baze.

“I know these routes, anyway,” she went on, “so I can manage well enough from here.”

Remembering their escape from the Death Star’s destruction, he said, “Right. Where’d you stash him?”

“The captain carried him to a bunk,” said Chirrut. He tapped his staff against the floor, the familiar rhythm both irritating and soothing. “I didn’t see it.”

Baze rolled his eyes. Chirrut aside, he couldn’t envision it. Bodhi Rook might not be a large man, but neither was Cassia Andor a large woman. At most, she stood at the tallish end of average, a good few inches shorter than Baze. He suspected she’d lost muscle mass lately—all her regulation clothes hung on her—but her frame would never have been anything but narrow.

“Carried?”

“He was still conscious,” Cassia said. “More or less. I helped him.”

Unperturbed, Chirrut smiled. “The captain is stronger than she seems.”

Cassia slanted him a wary glance. Since Baze would have felt exactly the same in her position, and often did in his own, he let it pass.

Behind him, the door to the cockpit slid open. He half-expected the pilot had already woken, but no: it was Jyn. Good.

Maybe good.

Jyn slouched into the chamber. She didn’t seem to have thought beyond that; for one long and intensely uncomfortable moment, she and Cassia just stared at each other.

“Any news?” she said.

“No,” said Cassia, her gaze not so much as twitching from Jyn. She wet her lip. “There won’t be, barring a disaster.”

“Good, then.” Utterly stoic, Jyn folded her arms. “Nothing from the Force either, Chirrut?”

The Force doesn’t work that way, Baze almost said, but closed his mouth on it. It wouldn’t work that way if it were real, which it wasn’t.

“No,” Chirrut said. With a tap of his staff, he rose to his feet, while choices that could change the galaxy ran through Baze’s head. Chirrut had his own concept of truth. “Thank you for your time, captain. I enjoyed our conversation.”

“I’m delighted,” said Cassia, dryly.

Chirrut beamed in her direction nevertheless, nodded in Jyn’s, and headed to the door. Without a word, Baze trailed after him, only pausing once to glance back.

Jyn had flung herself into the co-pilot’s seat, the rigid set of her shoulders just visible from the angle of the chair. Cassia remained in her own seat, her body stiffly upright, and the entirety of it tilted towards Jyn.

The girls might be all right, after all.

“You ‘enjoyed your conversation’ with the captain,” Baze said, once they accumulated a good distance from the cockpit. They’d never lost money underestimating Imperial craftsmanship.

Chirrut, graceful as ever, seated himself on the nearest bench.

“We had a nice talk.”

“I thought you didn’t like her,” said Baze.

“I never said that.” Chirrut leaned his head against the wall of the shuttle and smiled. Of course he did.

With nothing better to do, Baze sunk onto the bench beside him. It occurred to him that Bodhi was asleep somewhere, Jyn and Cassia busy brooding at each other in the cockpit, the droid off doing whatever it was that it did. There was nobody here to draw conclusions or scent vulnerability. Not that Jyn and Cassia … well, they’d see about Jyn and Cassia. If they all lived long enough.

Very casually, he slung his arm about Chirrut’s shoulders.

“You’re an old fool,” he said gruffly.

Chirrut, not bothering with subtlety, leaned against him. “You should know.”

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Hearts of Steel (Ch. 3 of 3)

Len heads back to his Earth, temporarily, with Sara by his side. But fixing what he'd left behind won't be easy, and sometimes the idea of "home" is more complicated than it seems.

And here it is! I’ve really enjoyed writing this version of Leonard, but this is it for now. (Probably.) Many thanks, as always, to @larielromeniel​. Can also be read here at AO3.

Sara wakes what is, by her fairly developed internal clock, about two hours after they’d fallen asleep, curled up together in the comfortable-if-small motel bed. Len’s left arm is thrown across her hip, his chest against her back, and she can still feel him breathing, deep and steady, at peace at least in this small, calm corner of his Earth. She pauses a moment to see if he wakes, smiles when he doesn’t, and then slowly moves from his loose grasp, rising to stretch, arms over her head, and sigh.

She doesn’t really want to put her uniform back on, but neither of them had thought to bring changes of clothing. Still, at least it’s dirt- and water-resistant. (Thanks, Cisco.) She rinses it off and hangs it up, knowing it won’t be long before it’s dry, smiling as she sees Len had already done the same with his.

She thinks, too, about going back to the industrial park to check on Lisa and Mick, to try again to get through to Lisa, to make sure Mick’s made it through the process unscathed. But something says it wouldn’t be a good idea, both in the case of the younger Snart and the elder. Nothing prevents them from visiting later to make sure all is well, she reminds herself, thinking with regret about the way things had gone. And maybe…

Len makes a startled noise in his sleep, and Sara turns, watching his eyes flicker open. He stares at the empty side of the bed a moment, then struggles into a sitting position even as she moves forward so he can see her.

The look of relief he gives her is startling…and saddening. Did he really think she’d leave? But in a way, he’s just lost two relationships in his life that go much further back, so why not this one?

The look of alarm moves nearly immediately to consideration, and a slight smirk as Len leans back a little, considering her continuing state of undress. Sara pouts at him—he’s got a sheet still pulled over most of himself—and the smirk grows, at least until he glances at the old clock radio on the bedside table and regret flickers through his eyes.

“Sadly, I do think we should be moving on,” he says, regret also filling his tone. (At least he also pulls the sheet aside as he stands, Sara thinks with amusement, enjoying the view.) “I want to hit an old safehouse to pick up some things. And the, uh, ‘Cold groupies,’ as you called ‘em, are probably looking for us.” Something sad crosses his face again. “And…Lisa knows I helped out Amari’s family, once. If she decided she wanted to…wanted to…”

He can’t make himself say it. Sara can’t make herself think of a good response. So instead, she just moves forward to kiss him again, and he lets himself be distracted.

Len returns the key to Amari in the office as Sara waits outside, studying their surroundings and wondering idly what she’ll do if actually confronted with Cold groupies. (Brag, she decides.) As Len slips back out, he gives her a small smile, and they start walking back toward city center, shoulder to shoulder.

They walk, for the most part, in silence, but as the taller buildings of downtown come into view, Sara glances over at Len, who appears lost in thought.

“You should probably tell them,” she says quietly. “Someone from your Justice League. They might be looking for you. Wondering about you.”

Len glances over. “Eh. I doubt it,” he says with a sigh. “Or…well, actually did I think Barry would look in on us by now—he usually knows what’s going on in Central to an utterly annoying extent, but…”

“You could tell me.”

They both stop in their tracks.

The voice is feminine, musical with an accent Sara can’t quite place, and she turns quickly, even as she registers Len’s intake of breath with the awareness that there’s no alarm in him. And then she freezes.

“Holy,” she breathes, “shit.”

Len darts a glance at her. “I know, right?” he mutters, then looks back at the woman before them, running a hand through his hair and giving her a simultaneously fond and nervous expression Sara’s never seen on him before.

“Diana,” he says, just a bit awkwardly, reaching around to rub the back of his neck. “Hi.”

The black-haired woman watching them steadily is tall and...well, the best word is maybe "statuesque," in a way that speaks both of extensive physical training and excellent genes. Her get-up—gold and red and blue and Sara doesn't really know where to look without being distinctly impolite, if incredibly impressed—screams "hero," and there's a shield slung on her back and a sword at her hip, as well as a coiled, golden rope that seems to be...glowing?

Her look is not without amusement and even affection, though, and she smiles at Len before turning her head and regarding Sara, who feels her mouth going dry. Drier. (So she has a...a predilection...for badass dark-haired women, OK?) Still, Sara lifts her chin and meets the woman's eyes, trying to convey that she means no harm here—in fact, rather the opposite.

Diana studies Sara a moment longer, then inclines her head, regally, a salute of sorts.

“Sister," she says solemnly, and Sara feels like she's just been given an accolade she didn't even know she'd coveted. Then Diana turns her head again and regards the speechless Len.

"Leonard," she says in that musical accent. "Barry is...out of town." A tilt of her head. "Very out of town, really. I said that I would pay mind to Central City, in his absence. I did not expect to see you."

There's a question, in the statement, and Len clears his throat, obviously trying to figure out precisely what it is and how to answer it.

"No one said anything about what happened?" he asked diffidently. "In National, couple months back?"

Diana nods. "There was a portal," she notes. "So Victor said. He brought in the meta responsible, but the man wasn't truly in control of his powers." She tilts her head. "We feared you dead or lost. But neither could anyone figure out how to reach you."

"Yeah...I landed in a different Earth. But I fell in with ...friends." Len takes a deep breath, then, squaring his shoulders, and looks at Sara and back at Diana. "Sara Lance, White Canary, this is Diana Prince," he says, a bit formally. "Justice League founding member, princess of Themyscira." A pause. "Also known as Wonder Woman."

"Yes, she is, isn't she?" Sara muses, still a bit dazed, then shakes her head at the other woman's amused look. "Pleased to meet you...your highness?"

Diana's lips quirk, just a little. "That is not necessary," she says, humor in her tone. "But...Lance?" She looks back at Len. "White Canary?"

"Yeah, well, there are some differences." Len hesitates, then nods as if to himself, meeting Diana's eyes. "And I'm going back. To stay. The League doesn't really need me here, and I’m not...I can't go back to what I was before. I've got people, there." He looks at Sara. "And a...home. And..."

His voice trails off, but Diana lifts an eyebrow, looking back and forth between them. "Ah," is all she says. "Well, I shall convey your...resignation to Bruce. And Barry. You will be missed."

Len snorts. "I somehow doubt that," he mutters, but waves a hand as Diana gives him a questioning look. "Thank you. I..." He hesitates again. "The...the two called Lady Midas and Heat Wave. Central City Rogues. Ask Barry. They..." A deep breath, and an admission. "She's my sister, and he's the closest thing I've had to a brother, here." He meets her eyes. "Watch out for them? If you can? They have powers they can't control, and I tried to help them, but...I don't know how that's gonna work out."

It's obvious there's a lot of story there Len isn't telling, but to Sara's surprise, the other woman simply regards him another long moment and then nods.

"I will," she says simply. "I give you my word."

There's not so much more to say after that, honestly, and while Len's never been one to give up a chance to chat up Diana, neither does he want to further outline his many failings to her (or to Sara, who already knows them far more than most). It seems, now, to be a good time to take his leave, officially, of both her and of the League.

"Thank you," he says soberly, giving Diana a direct look and something far more sincere than his habitual smirk. "For that. For...more than that." For treating him like a valid member of the League. For fighting alongside him when the others were still giving him that suspicious side-eye. For being…being.

And then, without waiting for a response, he glances back at Sara (who's still eyeing the other woman with a tentative expression of both respect and lust, both of which he gets) and nods, to her, turning away, heading off down the street, keeping sentiment at bay.

And Sara gets him too, because she falls into step without a word, just a nod to Diana, and they walk a moment, shoulder to shoulder, silent, in solidarity. But they’re only to the end of the block when Len slows again, glancing behind them.

Diana is still there, watching.

“Just a sec’,” he tells Sara. “Really. I…”

But he can’t finish. He just turns, and jogs back toward the princess of Themyscira, who watches him calmly with no surprise at all.

He stops a few feet again, taking another deep breath, and meets her eyes again, surprised at the understanding he finds there.

"Diana?" he blurts out. “A question?”

And then again, before she can do more than nod: “Am I doin’ the right thing? I…I’m leaving everything. My world. This time on purpose. Because I made connections there, and more…I…” He glances back at Sara, who’s also watching calmly. “I…it doesn’t seem like I deserve…”

But Diana holds up a hand, startling him into silence, and regards him solemnly.

“Do you love her, Leonard?” she asks after a moment, tone wistful and commanding at the same time, full of memory and loss and passion.

When it comes down to it, it’s the easiest question in the world. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Then, there is your answer. When in doubt, choose love. Always, choose love.” Stunning him into silence, she steps forward and kisses him, briefly, on the cheek, stepping back just as swiftly to smile at him, a joyous expression that has him blinking at her in dumbfounded wonder.

“And now, gods-speed, Leonard Snart,” she tells him quietly. “You have weathered the cold. Enjoy the warmth.”

"Leonard?” is all Sara asks as he rejoins her.

"Yeah, well, she's the only one who gets away with that, here." He sneaks a glance at Sara, who doesn’t seem bothered by that kiss on the cheek at all, but instead seems serene and amused.

God, he loves her, he thinks abruptly, again, then grins, stopping to face her.

“Let me show you my city,” he says.” Before we leave. We have a few hours. And I’m starving. What do you say?”

Her grin, slowly spreading across her face, is as wide as his. “Lead on.”

And he does.

They hit the Ice Box first, where the owners greet Len gleefully and generously offer them meals in exchange for a photo, and excellent pie for dessert.

From there, avoiding the groupies, they take to the rooftops again, and even Len is laughing as Sara flies like her namesake across gaps, turning to taunt and challenge him until he dares enough to catch up to her, grabbing her shoulders as the sun starts to set and kissing her again deeply as the sunset paints the sky. (They know someone in a nearby window is taking a photo of them. They don’t care.)

Once it’s dark, they break into the Flash Museum, which is closed for the evening, and Len proudly shows Sara the “Captain Cold” exhibit. They take a selfie for posterity’s sake and steal the question mark at the end of the “Hero or Villain?” marquee, and Len goes into the gift store and signs every single piece of merch with his image on it. (“They should be paying me royalties, you know.”)

And then, as the hours tick down, Len leads them to a quiet working-class neighborhood, jimmying the lock on an abandoned-looking apartment building to step silently into a musty-smelling ground-floor studio apartment.

“I pay peanuts to keep this thing for emergencies; the landlord’s out of the biz but can’t be bothered to actually take care of the place,” he mutters to Sara. “Advance rent will run out at the end of the month. Might as well take a few things.”

Despite his casual words, Sara notices how quickly he crosses to a small safe tucked into a corner of the room, and how carefully he removes a few items: a few photos, two books, a small wooden box. Without even bothering to close it, then, he rises, glances around, and nods to her.

“OK,” he says quietly. “We can go now.”

And then, as Sara watches, he stiffens, staring past with an expression that’s simultaneously horrified…and hopeful? She whirls, and freezes herself, at the sight of Mick Rory, fire-free and larger than life, standing there, watching them.

For a moment, she thinks it’s her Earth’s Mick. But…there are too many scars.

"Yeah, well, you don't make it easy to find you, asshole,” the bigger man rumbles, responding to a comment Len hasn’t even made. “Took me hours.”

Len swallows, watching him, and Sara carefully moves out of the way, still watching both of them. “I didn’t know you were going to be doing so,” he says quietly. “I woulda stayed, but…you OK?”

Mick studies him a moment…and then, unexpectedly, grins. It makes him look even more like Earth-1 Mick.

“I woke up and no more fire,” he says, raising his hands to admire them. “First thing I did was get a cold beer.”

Len makes an involuntary noise, and Mick tilts his head, watching him. Then he nods again.

“And talked Lis down,” he adds, in a diffident mumble. “The other two pills, they’re safe. I left ‘er staring at them, but I made ’er promise she wouldn’t take one ‘til I got back.”

Len drags in a shaky breath. “Do you think…”

“Yeah, she will. Take it, you mean? Yeah. She misses…lots of stuff.” Mick frowns at him. “You really leavin’?”

Len just stares at him another moment, and Sara gets it. He’s made some peace with leaving with business undone, and now…

“Yeah,” Len says after a moment, an echo. “I figure I’ve done enough damage now. Take care of her, would you?”

“Lis? Sure, but she can take care of herself. Even without the stupid powers.” Mick smirks, then looks at Sara. “So. Blondie. An’ you take care of this bastard, OK?”

Sara actually has to blink something out of her eyes. “Yeah, I will. I promise.” She pauses. “You…take care of yourself too.”

This Mick gives her an odd look. Then, showing the remarkable perception she knows her Mick is capable of, he says, “I don’t know you. But…you know me?”

“Yeah. Sort of.” She can’t really bring herself to say more. Fortunately, this Mick just snorts and nods, then looks back at Len.

“Figures I can’t remember the gorgeous blonde,” he mutters. “Snart?”

Len is still blinking, but then manages: “Mick. You need anything, you…and I know this sounds weird…track down a guy called ‘Vibe,’ OK? Ask…ask the Flash. They can, uh, put you in touch with me.”

Mick gapes at him. Then: “Um. OK,” he manages. “I can do that.”

“OK.” Len looks him in the eye. “Goodbye.”

“Bye, Snart. And…good luck.”

The alley is deserted, this time of the evening, and Len’s glad for that. He checks his watch, then the sky, and sighs, looking at Sara.

It’s not that he’s not OK, leaving this Earth. He is, especially now, but he’s still not sure life, fate, whatever, is going to let him get away with this.

Minutes left, really. He studies the sky, then looks almost involuntarily at Sara, who looks at him at almost the same time.

“Ready?” she whispers. “You OK with this?”

“Hell yeah.” He hesitates. “You?”

“Len…”

But whatever she’s about to say, it fades as the breach, as promised by Cisco Ramon, appears before them. The way home.

Len stares at it. Takes a deep breath. Then looks at Sara.

“Is it too cheesy to say, ‘Let’s go home?’” he asks her, smiling, holding out his hand. “ ‘Cause…well, let’s be honest, that won’t stop me.”

Sara laughs back at him, reaching out to take the hand. “Cheesy,” she chides him. “But…true?”

“That it is.” Len lifts her hand to his lips. “Shall we?”

“We shall. God only knows what the team’s gotten up to.”

“Eh. Mick will keep ‘em in line.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Len can’t help a laugh. “Well…depends on the line, doesn’t it?” He tightens his grip on her fingers. “Let’s go see what we need to clean up, captain.”

“As long as it’s ‘we,’ captain.”

“Always.”

And, together, they leap through the breach. Hand in hand.

Home.

When you've been fighting for it all your life You've been struggling to make things right That’s how a superhero learns to fly…

[arcane-fire]

It was still dark, though nearly morning when Pamina decided to step out of the house and walk to the water’s edge. Everything had happened so fast over the last few days, it was still so convoluted and jumbled in her mind. She wasn’t unhappy by any means. She was overjoyed, in fact, if not a little concerned about her state of mental health. Even if she was crazy, she was happy. They were happy. That didn’t make her crazy, right?

Pamina peered into the water, particularly at the waning moon’s reflection, as the tide washed over her bare feet before rushing out to sea again. She never thought she would be content so far away from the city, but she had been living in Pandaria for the better part of nearly a year and had never felt so relaxed. Something about the area and it’s solidarity was calming. She loved it.

Her reflection in the water skewed, or rather, the space behind her did. A dark shadow formed, wispy and swirling. Pamina was more than used to rogues crawling out of the shadows just behind her after so many years, enough that having it happen never seemed to unnerve her. But this presence didn’t feel right, didn’t feel even remotely familiar. The spellslinger frowned and turned her head to look over her shoulder as the figure took shape. Sort of. It was shrouded in dark clothes, it’s face hidden behind multiple scarves. All she could see was the fel burn of their eyes, and they were staring intently at her.

“Your mother requests your presence at the estate.” It said simply, the voice almost like liquid silk sliding along her skin. Not a rogue, but one of her mother’s Shadows. Lovely.

“Tell her we’ll be around when we can manage the time.” Pamina said with a roll of her eyes and a toss of heavy curls over her shoulder. She turned her attention back to the sea.

“Not ‘we’. You. She wants you to come alone. Immediately.”

Pamina paused at that. That couldn’t be anything good. Alone, and now? What could she possibly want?

“Why?”

“She did not say. Only that I was not to return without you.”

The spellslinger frowned. She never spoke of her mother’s Shadows, nor was much known about them outside of the immediate family. They were her most elite guards, her personal assassins, elves with no personal ties and nothing to lose, mostly women. Never had she heard of them failing a missions and generally, when her mother sent them after someone, she never heard from that someone again. Aiden was just inside, asleep, but close enough that she could be heard if she called for him. The problem was that she wasn’t sure she would be alive in the short time it would take him to reach her.

She wouldn’t risk it. She wouldn’t risk him.

“Fine.” Pamina conceded with a sigh. She turned toward the Shadow to find her already tearing open a portal in the empty space behind them, signifying that the heiress had never had an actual choice. Once it was open, she stared at Pamina expectantly. Another sigh left her lips before she stepped through it, the Shadow close behind her.

When they reached the other end of the portal, Pamina had to fight not to stumble as she stepped on to steady ground. The portal wasn’t like those of her own design and honestly made her a little nauseous, but she supposed it was better than traveling by foot. It took no time at all for her to recognize her surroundings as her mother’s office in the estate, and even less time to notice the extravagantly dressed woman standing on the other side of the desk. Cherry red, glossed lips broke into a sly smile as she tapped a manicured nail against them and looked over Pamina from beneath long, dark lashes. She always overdid it, Pamina thought, when her most exciting activity for the day was likely eating breakfast. Did she even eat breakfast? Did she eat anything anymore? She wasn’t sure.

“Nostariel,” Her mother said, looking her up and down. “It’s been some time. I see you couldn’t be bothered to wear shoes.”

Pamina looked down to her bare feet, both of which were still damp from the sea. The hem of her skirt matched them. “It’s the middle of the night. I’m meant to be asleep, yet here I am, catering to your whims as usual. What do you want?”

“Can’t I just want to see my daughter? It has been so very long, after all.” Xrystiana said. When Pamina raised her eyes and stared at her, the woman laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant sound, Pamina decided. “No? You don’t believe that. Fine. Straight to business, then.”

Xrystiana moved from behind her desk and walked toward her eldest daughter. Even against the plush carpet, her heels managed an authoritative clack with every step. She stopped before Pamina and placed her nails under her chin, digging them into her flesh as she raised it to ensure she would meet her gaze. “As you and very few others know, my time here now is not without consequence. The sustenance I require to remain existing on this plane is costly; no meager, weak magic will do. My sources are running dry, and you and I, we’d a deal. I intend to collect.”

“What deal?” Pamina frowned, eyes locked on her mother’s without any choice. “We didn’t have a deal. You threatened to take my child. That’s not a deal, just as your circumstances for being back aren’t my problem.”

“On the contrary, they are solely your problem.” Xrystiana corrected her. She released her chin and turned, making her way back to the desk. She turned and hopped on to it, crossing toned, tanned, and all too visible legs at the knee. “You see, the less sources for magic I have to...borrow, the faster the clock ticks down on YOU. We both know what will happen if it comes to that. You won’t last forever, and there will be nothing between me and your daughter. Really though, you could just skip all of the unnecessary steps and just give her to me. All of the power contained in her little body is far more than enough to sustain me, and it’s not as if she’s experienced enough of the world to miss it.”

Pamina opened her mouth to protest, to say anything, but Xrystiana continued. “There is also the other issue that we need to resolve.”

The spellslinger closed her mouth and blinked, thrown off by how openly and casually her mother was willing to speak of snuffing out her youngest child’s life. “What...other issue?”

“The full of the D’athion line and our aligned houses still expect to see you as my successor. That means they expect to see you in the spotlight, doing your duties as a magistrix and as a lady of this house. The expect to see you out in public, wed to someone worthy of our name. Not rolling around in the dirt with three bastard children.”

“They’re not...bastards.” Pamina stammered. Her head was spinning. Her mother was speaking to her about killing her child as if they were making plans for dinner. She was discussing reputations and politics with her like their last encounter hadn’t been solely because Xrystiana had drugged and kidnapped her. She could slit her throat where she stood or light her on fire, but she wasn’t sure the Shadow at her back would let her leave alive. In fact, she was positive that she wouldn’t. There had to be another way, some way she could get just as close, with less risk, and-

Unless...

“I’m engaged,” Pamina said finally, straightening and raising her chin almost defiantly. “To a man I think you would find more than worthy of your legacy. You needn’t worry about appearances. Nikklaus is no more.”

Xrystiana looked down her nose at her daughter for some time. “And Ithilwen?”

“You are not getting to my daughter.” Pamina spat. “If you’re so intent on being on this planet well past your time, then we will find another way, but it won’t be at the cost of my children’s lives.”

Xrystiana D’athion raised a sculpted eyebrow and her lips curved into a smirk. “I think I’d much like to meet this new lover of yours. He’s given you something I’ve never seen in you before.”

“And what’s that?” Pamina asked dully.

“Courage.” Xrystiana answered simply. She hopped off of the top of her desk, leaving a dumbfounded Pamina gawking at her backside as she moved to sit in the large, cushy chair behind it. She picked up a quill and began writing on a piece of parchment. “Dinner, then. It is decided. The two of you will come here in two nights time and you will introduce him to the lot of us officially.”

“Officially?” Pamina repeated, blinking.

“Yes. To the other authority figures in our line.”

“You mean Kerynza.”

“She is part of it, yes.”

When Pamina didn’t reply, Xrystiana looked up from her writing. “You say that he is worthy of my legacy. I would like to see if such claims are true or not for myself. If the rest of our bloodline finds him a suitable fit, then we’ll have no issues accepting him into our family with open arms.”

“Okay.” Was all that Pamina managed to reply.

“Two days. Formal attire. Your attendance is intended to captivate and impress, after all. Perhaps by then you’ll have come up with a solution to our other predicament.  You are dismissed.”

She didn’t have time to argue, nor did she think she knew the words to say if she did. Her mother’s Shadow had already opened a portal behind her and had stepped between the Lady D’athion and Pamina, ushering the spellslinger out with merely a warning look. She didn’t need to be told twice.

As she stepped through the portal, her mind was racing. Aiden knew Iriseli, Aela, and Melidias, but in the grand scheme of her family, they weren’t anything to worry about. What would it be like if he met the real threats in her bloodline? What would her mother do if they simply decided not to show?

What if...introducing Aiden to them and following the guise of aiding her mother was integral to getting close enough to her to end her reign of terror on her siblings and everyone else close enough to be caught in her sights?

She’s a lot to think about, and a lot to discuss with her new fiancé. Hopefully, just hopefully, the two of them could put an end to the D’athion catastrophe once and for all.

( @the-shadows-queen @killerpersonality )

[kurtty-drabbles]

Lovecraft au (rebirth)

N/A: I think I have fallen in love with the background for Kitty, so, I´ll expand a little more here. Or tries to.

@djinmer4

At first, the universe was nothing, just Azeroth sleeping, until, his own imagination gives life to the circle of chaos and order. Zaorva was a free sprite roaming in the galaxies without propose, until she meets him and suddenly her life has a propose.

They are one thing now. Watched the life grows and dies, one day Azeroth thought of the planet called EARTH and Zoarva grows fascinated by such creatures.  Humans, she wishes she could understand them. Her other part did not care, think of them as nothing more than food.

It was a pity their union wasn´t as eternal as they wished to be. Lord Chutchu wasn´t very knee in dying and once the deity of God confirmed that he will die sooner than he expects, the creature wanted a backup plan and Zaorva was the target, sadly for him, she wasn´t interested. The consequences were severe.

Zaorva was murder and Chutchu was murder in retribution by him. The chaos itself does not know how to grieve, only how to feel anger and hate, once his beloved Zaorva ceased to exist, her body just vanish before his eyes, many planets felt his wrath, no one was spared.

But that happens a million of years. And it wouldn´t be the last time they meet. Fate has plans for the lovers.

___

Elaine Pryde is a woman of strong will and courage. She was diagnosticated with a type of cancer that was fatal and the chances of getting better were slim to none, yet, this didn´t stop her from trying.

A combination of the Starks technology and Dr Bruce ´s experimentations and theories, a cure for this type of cancer was created, however, there´s a side effect.

"I can´t have children?" asked Elaine. Her husband, Richard put his hand on her should in solidarity as the doctor explain how is impossible for Elaine to be a mother.

"Darling, don´t worry, we´ll get through this, we can be a family, we can adopt, what is important is that you are healthy," Richard said in a soft tone kissing her forehead. Elaine can´t help to feel a bit sad, she wanted to have a baby so much and this cancer took this dream from her.

But, Elaine is nothing is strong will and courageous as nine months after her getting cured by this cancer, she is pregnant with a healthy baby girl. Elaine holds the baby and some nurses mention how is odd that the baby didn´t cry. Just giggles.

"That our little girl, she likes to giggles more than crying," Richard said noticing the freckles on her checks, Elaine has freckles but the baby has stronger freckles that are uneven.

"Yes, she likes to giggles, don´t you?" the baby merely giggles in response " then I will call you Kitty Pryde," Elaine said " Katherine Anne Pryde, but I think you will like Kitty Pryde better"

___

Times flies by and baby Kitty grows to be a cute child. The Prydes realize that she is a witch and couldn´t have been prouder. Kitty was a cute and strange child, she could float in the air and often speak about things that no one, not even adults, understands ("Do you think Azeroth drinks milk to sleep too?" "who is Azeroth, sweetie?"  "The man who dream us, I saw him in my dreams") but they all assume is just Kitty being Kitty.

Meanwhile, the group of sorcerer supremes are discussing an important matter.

"Let´s kill that monster now" Dr Strange, once known as the calm and cold calculist of the group, is throwing any assemble of logic to the window, he faced a chutloid creature ONCE and it was enough to leave scars.

Agatha was against such an idea and is sad to see she is in small number in this discussion.

"Stephen, please, drink a bit of tea and think thoroughly, if we murder her, an innocent child, what good this will make to?" Stephen was about to protest when Agatha interrupted him " the creature could very well find another body, we can´t kill this creature, but, we can teach her to not hate us, think carefully if we kill her like you always suggest, what will stop her to go fully against humanity and nuke us all?"

"She is a danger to humanity, Agatha, if she stays here...it will bring others, him...she will attract him" no mortal dares to say his real name.

"I know, that why our best chance is to not murder her. He could very spare the planet and mankind if we don´t murder his other half, the seals we put on the girl are working, her powers are in control for now"

Many other wizards share their opinion and Agatha drinks her tea, call them idiots and explain once more something as basic as this, at least to her.

"The seals are not permanent, nothing human could control such creature, however, her powers would be too much for her young body, besides, if she is here why not having a normal human life? Without wizards planning on murder her?"

"One day, the seals will break and then Agatha, I hope you are ready to face the monsters that will come," Dr Strange said in a cold tone.

__

Wanda was on the phone talking with some other witches about the big convection, lately, the backlash the young Maxximof received for being Magneto´s daughter was forgotten.

"Would care to join us? we want to apologise for our behaviour, we have bad memories with Magneto and is not fair to take on you" the witch said on the phone and Wanda is more than happy to forgive.

"Of course, and can I bring Kitty as well? she never leaves Bayville" Wanda asked and noticed how the witch´s tone change.

"No, please, no, I mean, the coven can´t accept her yet...please, don´t ask this from me again, please" the voice begs and Wanda can even hear the woman crying "Please, don´t ask this to us, please"

"Oh, ok, then we will see each other soon, I guess," Wanda said to hang up the phone. Vision enters the room with the laundry already made and fold properly.

"Wanda, are you alright?" Vision asked noticing her distress.

"Well, my old coven wants to patch things up, which is fine, but...I ask them if I could bring Kitty and they...said no in such desperate way" Wanda then adds "thinking about this, I think is odd how Kitty never leave this city and how no other coven accept her"

"It is odd, since your coven even accept me, what are you thinking?"

"I think...there´s most have a reason as for why the covens don´t want to take her in" she explained. Then she wonders if she could create her own coven. Dr Strange, did that so why not her?

__________

Present time.

Kitty is walking side by side with Kurt. The dinner on the fancy restaurant, shame Kitty never got the name right, was short(she didn´t eat anything or drink anything and she feels fine, could this be a new mutation? well, Kurt didn´t eat much too) and now they are walking around enjoying the day.

"Ok, talk about yourself, pretty please?" Kitty asked giggling at his face as Kitty is hugging his arm(just arm this time)

"What you would like to know, Katzchen?" Kurt asked amused as the woman nudges her head in his arm lovingly, she mutters how familiar that was ("is nostalgic for me, Am I making sense?" "Yes, you are")

"Well, tell me about your family?" Kitty asked and Kurt takes a while to answer.

"I don't think we have the same concept of family, I don´t have a family, Gods likes us just exist, but I suppose to simply your question, Azeroth sort created us" Kurt explained, "and you don´t believe I´m an old God?"

"Don´t take personally, many people enter in my life claiming to be God, and I was always disappointed"

"Well, I´m the real deal, in fact so are you, but this will take time and I have patience" Kurt explained calmly and Kitty just shakes her head ("again, is because of this talk the X-men didn´t accept you" "I don´t need them, I have you" "yeah, yeah, you like to create chaos and I like to create order" "you have no idea how true this is")

"Can I ask something more?" Kitty blushes and Kurt´s eyebrow rose at her shy demeanour. "Rogue told me, after your first impression of killing Jean and Logan, which is not cool," she said but deep down she is not really sad by their deaths(but she knows the others were judging her, why wanting to help this odd mutant? she knows no words to describes, she just needs to help him, she needs to be closer to him) " Rogue told me that Jean was ...offering herself to you and you didn´t bat an eye, you didn´t consider not even for a moment?"

"Katzchen!" Kurt said in shock.

"Is that everyone man finds her so beautiful and ...they think my freckles are weird, irregular numbers on both checks. I still don´t get why you want to be near me"

"What those humans did to you?" Kurt asked shaking his head with his narrow eyes "but answering your question, Jean Grey is never going to come closer to you. Your beauty is beyond their tiny mortal´s mind to comprehend" then his tentacles slowly lift her head "and I love your freckles, is the mark of our constellations" Kurt explained gently.

Kitty laughs as she is crying now.

"You always say crazy things. But it is  working" she said "I wish I have met you before...going to High School wouldn´t have been so horrible, people really, really hate freckles...my freckles that it"

Kurt is not pleased by this. Not pleased at all.

His tentacle caresses her face as his hand bring her closer. Kurt kisses her freckles sweetly. This seems to lift the mood for Kitty.

"When we were in the space we were so free, Katzchen, one day I want to show you space" Kurt promises as the woman kisses the tip of his tentacle and let a soft sigh escapes her lips.

"That would be nice even if it is crazy," she said resting her head on his chest. Was he always such a gigantic? ( flash of a dark blue colour invade her mind in a pleasant way)

"Katzchen, I remember when we meet. You told something that I'm curious about, what is hentai?"

Kitty giggles and is thankfully Quire and the others aren´t here to witness this moment.

[slowjamjames]

I’m sorry if I am not completely honoring Blackout Tuesday, but a day of silence is a day lost in the battle. We need the 4 Minneapolis Police Officers to be dealt with now. The full punishment of these men need to be initiated NOW. This day is for extra attention to unity and involvement in programs to enhance peace and brotherhood. The root of the problem is with racist and rogue officers in Law Enforcement. Until these bad elements are removed we will continue to have the same issues moving forward. I’m not sure what it will take but maybe a complete overhaul of Police Departments. Whatever it takes it needs to be done. God Bless our Peaceful Protestors. They represent all ethnicities and genders of our country. The common thread is equality and universal respect and to not live in fear. This can’t happen if those we fear are still in business. I encourage the links posted during Blackout Tuesday. They are important to support involvement and solidarity. Volunteer and register to vote and what ever way you can to engage in creating a better society. This is important for all as BLM and all lives matter. Engage in those links and suggestions but let’s push our government leaders into policing the police force. When the bad apples are eliminated we are a step in the right direction. 400 years has been enough time for the Government to get it right. It’s time to have our leaders demand the restructuring of our Law Enforcement. Our future and lives depend on it. https://www.instagram.com/p/CA8ihoFFGbW/?igshid=kdfkz4a5cwso

[fireemblemtcg]

Cipher Livestream 19-8-2017: Card translations

cards which have been given proper reveals on the official cipher twitter account are not included, as this blog already has translations of them

Holy War Flag (Yellow)

???-???? A Beautiful Dance Renewed, Lara Dancer/Cost3(2) Yellow/Female/Sword 30ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"It's not that I dislike dancing at all. So if...If that's what you want, I don't mind taking it up again."

Dance of Restoration [TRIGGER] [ONCE PER TURN] When you deploy an ally with a deployment cost of 3 or higher, you may choose up to three cards from your hand and reveal them. If you do, place all of the revealed cards face-down in your Bond Area.

Dance [ACT] [TAP, FLIP 2] Choose 1 ally who has attacked this turn, and untap them.

Illust. Senchat

???-???? Princess Inheriting Hother's Blood, Nanna Paladin/Cost3(2) Yellow/Female/Sword/Mounted 60ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"I resented her for it when I was young, but now I understand... As a grown woman myself, just like her, I understand how Mother felt..."

Blood of the Black Knight [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [FLIP 1] Choose 1 card from your hand, reveal it, and place it face-down in your Bond Area.

Noble Determination [ALWAYS] If you have 1 or more "Leif" or "Finn" bond cards, this unit gains +10 attack.

Illust. Fumi

???-???? Devotee to Peace, Safiye High Priest/Cost3(2) Yellow/Female/Tome 50ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"I swore to the war-god Heim himself that I’d brave anything for Tahra’s saviors, no matter what the gods see fit to put in my path."

Hammerne [ACT] [TAP, FLIP 1] Return all cards in your Retreat Area to your deck. Next, shuffle your deck. Reveal the top card of your deck, and place it face-down in your Bond Area.

Illust. Uroko

???-???? Charming Knight, Dermott Forest Knight/Cost4(3) Yellow/Male/Sword/Mounted 70ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"I'll protect you from here on out, Nanna. You have nothing more to worry about!"

Wrath Edge [ALWAYS] During your turn, if you have 4 or more bond cards, this unit gains +10 attack.

Vantage Edge [ALWAYS] During your opponent's turn, if you have 7 or more bond cards, this unit gains +10 attack.

Charm [ALWAYS] If you have 10 or more bond cards, all other allies gain +10 attack.

Illust. BISAI

???-???? Young Scoundrel of Ill Repute, Lithis Rogue/Cost4(3) Yellow/Male/Sword 70ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Heh... Looks like I've made quite a name for myself..."

A Slightly Shifty Negotiation [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [Discard 1 of your bond cards] Your opponent may [FLIP 1]. If they do not, choose 1 of your bond cards, and flip it face-up.

Skillful Stealing [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [FLIP 2] Draw 1 card.

Illust. Nekobayashi

???-???? Darkness Hidden in Light, Sarah Sage/Cost3(2) Yellow/Female/Tome 50ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"I'm searching for the owner of that voice. They’re calling to me... They need my help..."

Kia [TRIGGER] At the beginning of your Action Phase, you may choose 1 tapped ally and untap them.

The Dark Bishop's Granddaughter [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [Discard 3 of your bond cards] Draw 2 cards.

Illust. Sachie

???-???? Quiet Hero, Halvan Fighter/Cost2 Yellow/Male/Axe 40ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Settle down. The imperials'll easily take us all out if we just charge back in unprepared."

Fighter's Expertise [ALWAYS] During your turn, this unit gains +10 attack.

Capture [TRIGGER] [FLIP 1] When this unit's attack destroys an enemy, you may pay the cost and if you do: Draw 1 card.

Illust. Akihiro Mibuta

???-???? Man of Endless Rumors, Fergus Forest Knight/Cost3(2) Yellow/Male/Sword/Mounted 70ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Who am I, you ask? Not much point worrying about that till we're safe!"

Mercenary's Capture Art [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] Until the end of the turn, this unit gains -30 attack.

Procuring Supplies [TRIGGER] When this unit's attack destroys an enemy, if this unit has used "Mercenary's Capture Art" in this turn, draw 1 card.

Illust. mineri

???-???? The Sword Saint's Flowing Blood, Mareeta Swordmaster/Cost3(2) Yellow/Female/Sword 60ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"I have to be stronger! No matter what it takes, I will become stronger!"

Odo's Brand [ALWAYS] If you have 1 or more other <Sword> allies, this unit gains +10 attack.

[BS] Odo's Tome [BOND] [ACT] [Flip this card face-down] Choose 1 enemy. Until the end of the turn, cards supporting the chosen enemy lose "Miracle Emblem" and cannot re-acquire it. ([BOND] can only be used if this card is in your Bond Area.)

Illust. Doji Shiki

???-???? Hero of the Azure Skies, Dean Dracoknight/Cost4(3) Yellow/Male/Lance/Flier/Dragon 60ATK/30SUPP/1RNG

"I will lay down my life to protect Lady Linoan!"

Entrusted Dragonpike [ALWAYS] If this unit is being attacked by a non-<Bow>, this unit gains +20 attack.

[BS] Dain's Tome [BOND] [ACT] [Flip this card face-down] Choose 1 ally that is both <Flying> and <Dragon>. Until the end of the turn, that ally gains +30 attack. ([BOND] can only be used if this card is in your Bond Area.)

Illust. Ippei Soeda

Hoshido (White) and Nohr (Black)

???-???? Determined Siegfried, Siegbert Paladin/Cost4(3) Black/Male/Sword/Mounted 70ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Heed your master, Siegfried, if you recognize me as such. Grant my request in our hour of need!"

[DRAGON VEIN] Divinity [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [Flip 1 of your orbs face-up] Until the end of the turn, this unti gains +30 attack.

Victorious Bladeswath [ALWAYS] If you have 1 or more face-up orbs, the number of orbs that both your and your opponent's lords' attacks will destroy is increased by 1.

Illust. Homakura

???-???? Promised Raijinto, Shiro Swordmaster/Cost4(3) White/Male/Sword 70ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"You've got my word I'll be a little less reckless from now on. Can I count on all of you to be with me in return?"

[DRAGON VEIN] Thunderstorm [Flip 1 of your orbs face-up] Until the end of the turn, this unit gains 1-2 range and, for every other ally, +10 attack.

Thundering Earth [ALWAYS] If you have 1 or more face-up orbs, the attacks of units with a deployment cost of 2 or lower cannot be evaded by non-lords.

Illust. Rika Suzuki

???-???? Archduke of Izumo, Izana Diviner/Cost1 White/Male/Tome 30ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"Let's just sit back and relax and put on some slippers for now, right? Am I right?"

Archduke's Hospitality [TRIGGER] [TAP] When another ally is deployed, you may pay the cost and if you do: Draw 1 card. Choose 1 card from your hand, and discard it.

[ATK] Magic Emblem [SUPP] Draw 1 card. Choose 1 card from your hand and discard it.

Illust. Cherokee

???-???? Descendant of the Ancient Gods, Izana Onmyoji/Cost4(3) White/Male/Tome 60ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"Oh, ancient gods... I ask that you please answer me."

"I'll read your fortune!" [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] Look at the top card of your deck.

Divine Garb [ALWAYS] If your lord is attacked by a <Tome>, your lord gains +10 attack.

Illust. Cherokee

???-???? Nohrian Tactician, Iago Sorcerer/Cost3(2) Black/Male/Tome 50ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"Well, then! I'll save the rest of my clever analogies for another time... And kill you right now. HAAH!"

Underhanded Sacrifice [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [FLIP 2, destroy 1 other ally] Your opponent chooses 1 of their non-lord allies. Once they do, destroy the chosen unit.

Nohrian Tactics [TRIGGER] When this unit's "Underhanded Sacrifice" destroys an enemy, you may move this unit.

Illust. Yoneko

???-???? Canyon-Wandering Soul, Shigure Sky Knight/Cost1 White/Black/Male/Lance/Flier/Mounted 30ATK/30SUPP/1RNG

"You're worried that I'll fade away if I use its power. Just like you did."

Bequeathed Pendant [ALWAYS] During your opponent’s turn, if you have more than 1 ally, this unit gains +10 attack.

[ATK] Elysian Emblem [SUPP] Choose one ally, aside from your attacking unit. You may move that ally.

Illust. Saori Toyota

Heroes (Colourless)

???-???? Swordsman of the Order of Heroes, Alfonse Lord/Cost2 None/Male/Sword 50ATK/20SUPP/1RNG

"I will open the way to a future where our realm is at peace and our people are happy again!

Solidarity with Heroes [TRIGGER] [FLIP 1] At the beginning of your turn, you may pay the cost and if you do: Choose 1 card from your Retreat Area with the same unit name as your lord, and add it to your hand. This skill can only activate if you have 5 or fewer bond cards.

Illust. Niko Komori

???-???? Lancer of the Order of Heroes, Sharena Princess/Cost2 None/Female/Lance 50ATK/20SUPP/1RNG

"It's alright! We'll protect you!"

"I'm your number-one fan!" [TRIGGER] [FLIP 1] When this unit is deployed, if you have fewer orbs than your opponent, you may pay the cost and if you do: Add the top card of your deck to your orbs. This skill can only activate if you have 5 or fewer bond cards.

Illust. daigoman

???-???? Imperial Princess of Embla, Veronica Dark Princess/Cost1 None/Female/Tome 30ATK

"Scurry, scurry, little Heroes... Steal for me. Spread destruction. Kill all those who stand in your way."

"Tedious..." [ACT] [TAP, Destroy 1 of your orbs] If this unit is not your lord, add this unit to your hand.

Illust. Geso Umiu

Cipher Mascots

???-???? Glimmering Tiara of Justice, Alice Peer/Cost1 None/Female/Staff 20ATK/20SUPP/NO RNG

"You will all protect me. Swear it by this tiara!"

Princess Staff [ACT] [TAP, FLIP 2] Choose 1 non-"Alice" card from your Retreat Area, and add it to your hand.

Justice Sword [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [FLIP 1] Until the end of the turn, this unit gains +10 attack, is treated as a <Sword>, and gains 1 range.

[DEF] Miracle Emblem [SUPP] Until the end of this combat, your opponent's attacking unit cannot perform a critical hit.

Illust. Mayo

???-???? Aim to be a Lady Lord! Alice Strategist/Cost3(2) White/Black/Female/Tome/Mounted 50ATK/20SUPP/1-2RNG

"D-Do not make any strange assumptions! It is the duty of the aristocracy to save our inferiors!"

"We no longer have a choice!" [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [Flip 2 of your <White> bond cards face-down] Choose 1 non-"Alice" <White> card from your Retreat Area, and add it to your hand.

"Just this one time?" [ACT] [ONCE PER TURN] [Flip 2 of your <Black> bond cards face-down] Choose 1 non-"Alice" <Black> card from your Retreat Area, and add it to your hand.

Illust. Mayo

???-???? Armored Attendant, Valjean Armored Sword/Cost1 None/Male/Sword/Armored 30ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Forgive my lateness. My name is Valjean. You may call me Val, if you prefer to address me more familiarly."

"Your meal, my liege" [ALWAYS] Allied "Alice" gains +10 attack.

Armor Expertise [ALWAYS] If this unit is being attacked by a non-<Tome>, this unit gains +20 attack.

[DEF] Defense Emblem [SUPP] Until the end of this combat, your defending unit gains +20 attack.

Illust. Mayo

???-???? Well-Mannered, Strong-Sworded Steward, Valjean General/Cost4(3) Yellow/Male/Sword/Armored 60ATK/10SUPP/1RNG

"Until the day that my lady takes the reins of the family, it is my duty to be her sword and shield, and to protect her with my very life."

"Is this what you wish of me?" [ALWAYS] During your turn, if you have 8 or more bond cards, this unit gains +20 attack and the number of orbs that this unit's attack will destroy is increased to 2.

Armor Expertise [ALWAYS] If this unit is being attacked by a non-<Tome>, this unit gains +20 attack.

Illust. Mayo

More Fire Emblem Cipher Series 10 translations!

[halfblood-fiend]

So I just wanna make a huge, and I mean massive, thank you post for all y’all that came out and supported me during my liveblogging of finishing The Calling over the last couple days. It’s honestly been the best part of being stuck in bed sick and it actually made me want to finish that bound--forgive my language here--piece of crap. (If you wanna see the posts, you can find it all under #Fiend attacks The Calling and spoilers are tagged, just in case.)

For anyone who’s interested in me doing it again, the other two DA books I haven’t read right now are Asunder and The Masked Empire and you can let me know via ask, message, reply, or whatever, which one should be done next (though I think I know which one might win).

If you replied to any of my posts and didn’t get a shitty personal reply I tried to do through mobile, I am literally gonna put them all here, under the cut (and if you have the time, I feel like it’s worth looking through all of them because some people said interesting things and I like to think I can be pretty funny with my responses. lol). Lmao.

Thanks for enjoying this mess of a book with me! When I first started venting my frustrations, I low-key thought I’d be slamming a book everyone loved. Lol. I’m glad I was wrong.

@inuy21 replied to her own reply post:  I’ll have to give Stolen Throne a look to see if will change my mind Loghain. Though I wasn’t really a fan of his in the game nor Maric’s in The Calling. And it’s Empress Celene, right? LOL

Nah, that book is actually called The Masked Empire. It’s the one where allegedly Celene and Michel de Chevin are The Worst™.

Anyways, do at least take a look at Stolen Throne because Loghain is 15/10 in that, honestly. I hated him too until I read that book and now I’m in love.

@thexann replied to Why do I hate David Gaider’s book’s so much?:  The only good thing his books did for me were make me unconditionally love Loghain, but even then, his writing was so difficult to give a damn about I skipped around the ENTIRETY of The Stolen Throne, read all the good Loghain bits, then never picked it up again!

Same! High five for solidarity sisterrr!!

Skipping around, that was smart. That could’ve saved me a lot of Maric moaning and complaining as he destroyed not one, not two, but THREE of his friends’ lives. WHat a swell guy!

@october-rosehip (I hate it when it doesn’t TAG PEOPLE!!) replied to the same post: Dude needs an editor, BAD. He also suffers from… severe need for someone to hide his thesaurus. He’s written about people sitting redolently, smoking *kohl*, and once, three elves were playing HARPSICHORDS in a town center. Outdoors. Also, pacing issues. Dude has great ideas, but he’s not a novelist. Or historian.

He does! I’m surprised he didn’t have one? Isn’t everyone supposed to have one? Or did it not matter because he was riding on the coattails of a successful game of a hopeful franchise?

But yeah, I noticed that too. There’s overly conspicuous complex words, like he actually went into Word processor and tried to find the biggest word he could to replace his plain English ones. Causing no one to understand him. I mean harpsichords?? outside?? Has he ever SEEN a harpsichord??? Gaider wtf man... I look forward to that nonsense.

@cullenstairshenanigans replied to Dusty. Everything is “dusty” with this guy.: I quit after the 20th use of “the man”

Oh yeah. I saw that. He was notorious for that.

Don’t be afraid! Use people’s names! Do you realize how many men there were in this book?? Especially at the beginning?! Use. Names. There’s some free writing advice for ya, Gaider.

@october-rosehip replied to the same post: Oh, I guess someone DID steal his thesaurus.

Lmao. Only when it wasn’t convenient. Not only did he use “dusty” for everything, he also believes that the only noise swords make is a “clatter,” be it a “dull clatter” or a “clear clatter” (literally both phrases he used in the same scene!) Not to mention that he also thinks warriors just drop their swords willy nilly all over the place, as if they aren’t the most important singular possession to a SWORDSMAN.

@oh-thatcal  replied to “She had never spoken of this to anyone.”:  if you wanna rage, just read The Masked Empire… OTL these books are both good and awful at the same time.

I am actually rather beside myself with excitement tbqh.

@bombasticpro replied to  Oh god now Maric is doing it too…: Dat dab

Now I’m not sure if I’m Young and Hip™ enough to understand this correctly, but I’ll go out on a limb and say, “Yeah, I know right??”

Maric and Fiona bled their hearts out to each other for literally no reason. Do real life people actually do this? I don’t go around spilling my deepest secrets. Maybe it’s just that no one has gained enough Approval to unlock my Tragic Backstory™ yet.

@oblivionscribe replied to Maric has been stabbed by several spears...: For all the head trauma Maric received, I’m surprised he lasted long enough to sire sons.

Me too. I seem to recall that this isn’t new either, that Maric was often receiving head trauma in The Stolen Throne too!

What I would like to know is why is no one wearing a fucking helmet???

@thecrazyfereldan replied to I think that I’m starting to see one...: His writing also tends to be rather dry.

TRUE. It’s hard to read. Like, I read his story the way I would eat beef jerky: slowly, in near agony because I like the taste but hate the texture, and with my jaw aching because I had to chew so god damn much. And in the end, it’s for what? A steak tastes better, is easier to eat and is still beef.

(the steak in this metaphor is a DA game btdubbs, lol)

But seriously, it goes right up there with show and don’t tell. Telling only takes me to Snoozeville.

@october-rosehip replied to the same post: Dislocated thumbs continue to dislocate for MONTHS if you keep using your hands. Guess how I know. Also? Putting them back in hurts just as much as putting them out in the first place.

Oh, yikes!! I am so sorry there, friend. But, yeah, I can see that because my jaw still gives me trouble. Not that it redislocates, but it’ll pop sometimes and it HURTS.

So that means that Duncan would have been in WAY more trouble by doing that to himself. Imagine being a rogue who’s thumbs kept dislocating??? Especially when he was trying to pick the locks on their manacles again in the climax?

And when Duncan popped his thumbs back in, all he said about it was that second quote (“He took a moment to get used to the stabbing pain…”). That was it.

Gaider, I can only suspend my disbelief so far, bro.

@oh-thatcal replied to @starlanellfic ‘s post about my liveblogging:  Do all the books!

Dude... I kinda want to...

Although I wouldn’t do Stolen Throne again only because it would probably crumble into me fangirling over Loghain which no one, except maybe @@element-104 , would want to see. lol.

@ma-sulevin  replied to Okay, so, as much as I sorta like Duncan...: My personal favorite part is when the mage asks him about Grey Warden stamina and he’s like “uhh….. YES yes we do have that let me show you”

*snorts* omg YES. It was classic! Predictable, but classic, and I was totally willing to accept that from him. xD

@ma-sulevin replied to WHY DID SHE KISS HIM I AM SO MAD... : It literally made no sense

I’m still mad. I haven’t gotten over it. There was no romance until that happened and even that was forced af. Not one piece of it felt real. At least I can thank the Maker that he didn’t write about Fiona “boobing boobily down the stairs” or any of that other male gaze nonsense.

@thesecondsealwrites replied to Duncan has an obsidian dagger. Smh.:  \o/

Bless you, PonySeal. I feel like you might’ve already figured this was a peeve of mine. Lol.

@queenofeire replied to the same post:  0/10 against any kind of armor Hella sharp for 5-10 cuts then pretty much useless….

^^Yup, basically.

Granted, it ended up being magical? But if that mage didn’t enchant it with an Unbreakable spell, chances are it’s still useless. Fite me.

And @fenriswaifu? You’re welcome. :) Sorry if I ruined your Aesthetic.

@valammar replied to Gaider keeps using the word “almost.”:  I’m still cackling at the last line of this post.

Look, I’m still VERY angry about obsidian knives, okay?? lmao. Volcanic glass IS GLASS, it’s not ALMOST GLASS. It is.

It is.

@amarmeme replied to Well that resolved neatly...:  yea, that book was… not my cup of tea

Mine either. Of the three DA books I have now read, The Caling is my least favorite. And by least favorite, I mean it was awful. Sorry to those who love it.

And that’s all te replies for now. LMao.