#robin and then finding out shes gay so they become best friends instead which is SO MUCH BETTER than if they were to date even tho she's a

[monstrousproductions]

I trust your taste

Can you recommend some fiction books? Fantasy is highly appreciated!

Oooh what a sign of trust!! OK so I don't actually read a huge ton of fantasy, so I'll do my best with a couple of non-fantasy that I just can't resist mentioning at the end.

Also, this got... a bit long... so I'm putting it under a Read More lol

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K Le Guin - classic fantasy about a boy who becomes a great wizard. I realise this is likely one you've already read, as a fantasy fan, but it's a classic for a reason! Absolutely beautiful, and really powerful for me as a Quaker because of its rejection of the idea that fantasy must always be about The Goodie winning over The Baddie by doing killing better than them. If you've read it already, read it again lmao Also there's a new audiobook that came out a few years ago read by Kobna Holdbrook-Smith which is just brilliant.

The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin does come with a decent load of content warnings so do tread carefully if necessary, but it's also the best fantasy I've read in YEARS. The book is split over three different narratives in a world where magic users are an oppressed class, and again the audiobooks are amazing, read by Robin Miles.

Meanwhile I very much do NOT recommend the audiobook for Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb, though I did enjoy the book when I read it. The audiobook is, I believe, read by an American putting on what he thinks is an English accent, and um. Well. It sure is something. It's pretty classic fantasy too, and one of those books that you're like "what in God's name do you mean, this wasn't intended to be gay??"

The Heavens by Sandra Newman always makes my rec lists because it made me cry a lot and it's just very beautiful. Again the narrative is split, one taking place in an alternate, utopian present and one in Elizabethan England, with the narratives linked by the fact that the Elizabethan stuff is happening in the dreams of the woman in the present.

My favourite book ever is Fire & Hemlock by Diana Wynne Jones, it's about an unlikely friendship between a girl and a young man with lots of fae things and that brilliant blending of magic and reality that DWJ does so well. It's so much my favourite that when I recommend it to friends, I ask them to please not tell me if they didn't like it - just pretend you didn't read it haha Honestly I recommend any DWJ, but F&H is my baby <3

Lud-in-the-Mist by Hope Mirrlees was one of those books I read once that just stayed with me. It's about a Perfectly Ordinary English Town that sees an influx of fairy fruit and has to deal with that, and while I'm fuzzy on remembering the details, I know I loved it!

And then because I actually read more SF than fantasy as a general rule, here's a jumble of SF titles that I adore (though I'll spare you the waffle!):

the Imperial Radch triology by Ann Leckie about a troop carrier who becomes a person (she also has a fantasy book - The Raven's Tower - if that appeals more and all her audiobooks in the UK are read by Adjoa Andoh who I would simply die for)

the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells, about a security bot who becomes a person (audiobooks are read by Kevin R Free, of Nightvale fame, and they're brilliant)

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, about two soldiers in warring time-travel factions sending letters to each other (also made me cry)

To Be Taught If Fortunate by Becky Chambers, about space researchers who change their bodies to adapt to the worlds they find and what ethical issues they come up against

The City We Became by NK Jemisin, about people who become living avatars of the different districts of New York to fight an alien presence (also a good audiobook - Robin Miles again)

All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai, about a man from a utopian timeline suddenly stuck in our timeline instead (good audiobook too)

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel, about a travelling theatre troup in a world where civilisation collapsed after a terrible pandemic (obviously tread carefully wrt how upsetting that might be for you!)

And then it isn't SFF in any strict sense but The Man Who Was Thursday by GK Chesterton (Simon Vance does the audiobook I like) is just very very fun and good and I like it a lot. Also the Lord Peter Wimsey novels, for the same reason!

[youngster-monster]

Im in finals hell currently but stranger things and steddie have their claws in me once again so have this. fic idea thing for a role reversal au between steve and eddie

Season 1, Will Byers disappears and Eddie may be a freak, but shit, missing kid, so he goes on a few of the search parties with his uncle. And he keeps going, even when Wayne's hours mean he can't go anymore: just grabs the lamp torch and walks through the woods for a few hours when he can’t sleep, often on his own. It’s creepy as hell out there, he keeps feeling like something is watching him, but whenever he tries to sleep he ends up spending hours staring at his ceiling instead so whatever. It’s something to do. He keeps doing it even after they fish out Will’s body from the quarry: Hawkins’ nicer when it’s quiet.

He tried to like, talk to Jonathan a few times at school, freaks should stick together etc, but it didn’t exactly. Work. Still, he finds himself wandering past the Byers’ house and when he sees the lights blinking like crazy and hears the noises coming from inside he decides to investigate.

Steve, meanwhile, saw Nancy’s gun and decided shit was already weird enough, running out of the narrative none the wiser. For now. Eddie bursts into the house just in time to see the Demorgogon: his turn at being a protagonist!

The following seasons would go in the same vein. Eddie gets reverse adopted by Dustin on virtue of being a cool older male figure who’s into DnD and probably spends a lot of time grabbing the kids and running instead of getting his ass beat by the villain of the week: THIS protagonist is a runner, and he gets way fewer concussions about it

(Steve, meanwhile, gets dumped without even knowing what made Nancy change so much. No friends, because his previous ones were assholes, and no girlfriend, because he’s bullshit: he’s a pretty lonely guy.)

Nancy won’t let Eddie hang around the kids while dealing, so he picks up a job as Scoops Ahoy instead. Please picture this in your mind. It takes a minute for his, huh. Loud. personality to grow on Robin, but they have that kind of wlw/mlm acerbic friendship, you know the one. When there’s two gays on shift NOTHING gets done. 

Decoding russian cyphers is great fodder for future DnD puzzles and he has a grand ol’ time up until they get kidnapped; he gets a few traumas about it and also a mutual coming out, which is nice because he really thought he’d die the only gay person in Hawkins.

Steve gets a job at some sorts of sports goods store in Starcourt; his parents were NOT happy that he didn’t get into any college. That’s where he meets Chrissy: she needs new shoes for cheer practice, he flirts with her, they actually go on a date, and he’s done enough introspection to realize boy, she is NOT having fun here. He apologizes, SHE apologizes, they’re both cute about it, he drives her home, and somehow they become friends instead. He deserves that.

So in ‘86, when Chrissy needs something to silence the nightmares, she goes to her good pal Steve Harrington at Family Video instead: maybe a movie would help. They chat a bit, he proposes they watch “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” after his shift, and then she starts floating, which isn’t a great moment for anyone involved

In his scramble to climb over the counter to drag her down, Steve walks on the tv remote that controls the display TV, turning the volume up. He had put Grease on when Chrissy walked in: it’s one of her favorite. “Summer Nights” starts blaring, and it’s not her favorite but shit, i’m in charge of the plot here, it works enough that she collapses to the ground, in a bad, bad shape, but alive.

Lucas is pretty much the only one of the kids who’s close-ish to Steve; I figure he reached out to the last best ball boy of hawkins high for tips when he tried out for the basketball team. Don’t ask me how they became actual friends, just know that they are, so the next day he goes looking for Steve to talk about recent My Friends Don’t Like Me Balling teenage angst and finds a crime scene instead. Steve isn’t at the hospital either: he’s at the police station, being questioned because the cops think he’s the one who broke a few of Chrissy’s limbs and put her in a coma (the main theory is that he asked her out, she said no, and he, what, flew in a rage? It’s not like he can tell them the TRUTH. The cameras don’t even work inside the family video.)

Cue the rest of the season. With one long freakout on Steve’s part because his parents are rich enough for him to post bail but jesus christ there isn’t enough money in the world to forget the fact that magic is real and hates you specifically

[the-official-account]

Episode 19 liveblog take two

We made it happen!

@threeofheartscast

Because I do actually really want those notes on QC. Listening at 2.35 speed which sounds....awful. but useful! Semi from memory this may not be entirely in order

OMG HI!!!! I KNOW YOUR FROM THE TWITTERS!!!

QC elf, brown eyes and longhair In ponytail wears all black suit, gloves, book, robin-mask

Is this sir thimby person thinbleton? Sigil on card with future slanted font helmet with two crossed swords

Despite the fact that it's morally wrong I kind of ....yk maybe let him kidnap diamond a little bit? Some light kidnapping

I love how his first insibt when a fire starts is to stick to the CEILING. How are those lungs looking bestie

This music is GROOVY

IF ITS NOT GAY ITS GOT TO GO he's gonna love the agents.

For vellums kidnappings minimum 7 times depending on

-if random count extra,

-or if he wandered away and someone picked him up,

- didn't notice kidnapped,

- kidnappers forgot him and he just left,

- infodumped until the kidnappers got so annoyed they let him go

-about to walk into an open net while reading but manhole instead

The music is not as good as 2.35 speed

This entire scene was very cute and my original reaction included a lot of keysmashes. Vellum just went for it I appreciate that.

I feel like if there was a field agent hand book vellum would have at the very least edited it.

Xbala and spar having kissed us very soar behavior

Fic of them eating dinner after 2nd kiss before hotel

Vellum giving him a kiss. Draw spar half up in bed, with his face in vellums shoulder, vellum looking soft blushing (this shit is cute) muttering, petting his hair "mmmm breakfast is good, important part of the day....mmmm yup" -spar

Their argument here is the best

I FORGOT VELLUM SAID "YOURE VERY CUTE LIKE THIS" THATS A FUCKING DORABLE

I'm just gonna assume spar has a thing for suspenders

QC just Speedran becoming a coming of interest in a kidnapping (so fast the kidnapping hasn't happened yet)

HE HAS TELEKINSESIS what a little guy... He's so absurd in the best way i adore him. In my mind he is a Manlet I will die on this hill

Jack has a druid parent... Sanguinia. Stays with "g/Cladia" friend in...........city stoneloft

RADIO MOVIE NIGHTS ARE SO CUTE

I remember freaking out about greggins and Jack being qpps (just like me, fr!)

"Intense feelings and situations"

Grey just know it wasn't worth lying to vellum, he's too smart

There was a lot of freaking out about Max being the kid, but I landed on the theory that Grey both kept them seperate and wants vellums blood because Max is a werekid, and it wouldve been traumatic for both of them to raise them together but maybe vellum can help him find a cure. I can understand why there would be so many feelings messed up in all that

Vellum got SO cold in this question and I don't mean in a mean way but it's the...determination

Grey does have the best outlook on clovenheart & I think that's sus

Persuaded the FUCK outa him

Providince......don't thing I trust this. Grey's in his Gatsby era

"Fix other harms that needn't have happened"...........*squinting* return magic?

I WANT GREY TO COME BACK now that's she's less immediately evil) sus

Also I DID say I thought resurrecting vellum's parents could be a part of Grey's motivations!!!!, I did say that!

I really like joy

your sparkliness sounds very diamond

QC and the agents being at odds with eachother at this party sounds like the setup for SUCH a good time

HELL YEAH!!! Songs were groovy. Formatting still banging. I made a note herea out how juggling scenes like that is hard but Jordan did it really damn well. Kitt's so funny!!! I'm excited that they're here. QC is just a funny little guyyyyy he's just a little guyyyyy!!!

Note: hey future lushlet if you get up to wiki shit dont trust this I make hella typos

[runninguplenorahills]

Season 5 coming back full circle to season 1 and the general theme of subverting tropes

In every season we have characters try to make the plot conform to a common trope only for that trope to get subverted.

Season 2

The expected love triangle would’ve been Max, Mike and El but that’s not how that went. Though when El runs away from home and visits the school, she sees Max and Mike talk and pulls Max off her skateboard. El tries to make the plot conform to the obvious choice for a love triangle but of course we know that’s not what’s actually happening.

Max, Dustin and Lucas form the actual love triangle of the season. A LOT of people were expecting Max to choose Dustin so them ending up together would’ve been the expected outcome. And that’s also where we get Steve as the character that tries to make the plot conform to the obvious outcome. He encourages Dustin and gives him relationship advice, setting up the plot to end with Max and Dustin being a couple but that’s not what happens. Max chooses Lucas!

Leaving season 2 we have El trying to push the trope of the jealous girlfriend

Season 3

And starting season 3 we have El and Max become best friends -> not conforming to an expected rivalry.

Steve and Nancy are broken up and Steve has trouble finding a girl he likes and then there’s Robin. Robin and Steve were the obvious endgame couple and we even have Dustin pushing Steve towards her constantly. He’s the one trying to make the plot conform to the obvious. Dustin puts the thought in Steve’s head that Robin is the perfect girl for him. We get Steve and Robin open up to each other and holding hands on a roof, totally hinting at the fact that they’re gonna end up together but that’s definitely not what happens. It’s revealed that Robin is a lesbian and she rejects Steve.

Season 4

Yet again we have Dustin trying to push Steve towards a girl but in vain because while the love triangle isn’t completely resolved yet, Nancy chooses Jonathan in the end of season 4.

For the next one we have Will being the one that tries to make the plot conform to the gay rejection trope. Will is self sabotaging by pushing Mike and El together which evidently isn’t working because El doesn’t talk to Mike in the end of season4. We also get Will trying to make the plot conform to the expected ending of the grand love confession saving the world which……..yeah, didn’t at all happen! Quite the opposite actually.

Season 5

Realize how I left out season 1? It’s because we’re coming back full circle to it with season 5. The obvious direction of the plot of season 1 is Mike and El falling in love. That’s what’s expected since episode 1 and throughout the whole season we don’t just have one but four characters trying to push that narrative: Dustin, Lucas and Nancy push Mike towards El and plant the thought inside his head that he’s supposed to be in love with her. So Mike himself starts to push that narrative too. But that’s not what’s going to happen.

-> It follows a pattern: there is an obvious outcome, there are characters trying to make the plot conform to that obvious outcome and in the end something else happens instead! Season 5 will most likely pick up on season 1’s expected outcome of El and Mike falling in love and finally subvert it. It will be revealed that Mike and El have never actually been in love. They’re gonna break up and while El will get her amazingly bitchin’ independence arc, Mike will end up with Will <3

[jazy3]

Stranger Things Season 3 Thoughts

Just finished Season 3 of Stranger Things. I enjoyed this season, but I don’t love where they left things in that the set up for the next season could potentially take the show out of Hawkins for a good chunk of the episodes and I liked the element of the story being contained within this one small town and only going outside of that when it make sense to do so. For example, when the  characters travel a few towns over to go see Murray the conspiracy guy or when El travels to Chicago looking for her sister. 

I loved Steve’s continued development this season and I loved the introduction of Max and Robin as new characters during this season and the previous one. I like that we saw more of Murray and got to know him better. I loved his friendship with Alexei and was heartbroken when he died. At least his last day was happy one. He looked so happy holding that giant stuffed Woody the Woodpecker. The man had skills. Those games are hard and totally rigged. 

After watching this season I honestly feel really bad for Steve and for Robin. I really thought Robin was going to be Steve’s next love interest and I thought they had great chemistry! While I’m all for more LGBTQ+ representation on screen I felt really sad for both of them in the bathroom scene when Robin revealed she was gay and Steve realized what she was saying. He falls for Nancy, loves her, and through that relationship becomes a better person. He ditches his asshole friends, starts thinking of others instead of just himself, and works hard to make up for his mistakes when he screws up, and in the end he steps back and gives Nancy his blessing to be with Jonathan because he can see that that’s what’s best for her and that they can’t go back to the way things were before Barb died. 

He fails to get into college and his Dad decides to teach him a lesson by making him get a crappy job at the mall and then he gradually comes to like and respect Robin and falls for her only to find out that they don’t play for the same team. Robin spends most of high school being ignored or made fun of by Steve and the other cool kids only to get stuck working with him over the summer at the mall. She finally opens up to him only to realize that she’s given him the wrong idea and that he’s fallen for her. She wants to be with Tammy from their history class but Tammy is straight and into guys like Steve who at the time couldn’t have cared less never mind notice her. 

To Steve’s credit he takes Robin coming out to him really well. He’s a bit confused at first because her previous comments about being obsessed with him made it sound like she was interested in him, but when she breaks it down and explains she was obsessed with him because Tammy was and she couldn’t figure out why and explains that she knows Tammy’s a girl he finally gets it and is really cool about it. Which might not seem like a big deal now, but the show is set in the eighties and as we see in the earlier two seasons calling someone gay or a fairy or the F word is really common as the show is true to the era.

Steve even brings up being gay as an insult when he’s fighting with Jonathan in Season 1 because he thinks Nancy slept with him. Commenting that he took him for queer but that it looks like he’s not seeing as he slept with Nancy. We haven’t seen any mention of the AIDS Crisis which means it either hasn’t hit anywhere near Hawkins yet at this point in the series or they’ve choosen not to address it thus far. User @a-new-hopeful commented when I first started watching Stranger Things that Steve has probably developed the most from the first season of all the characters and I definitely agree! He has by far the best character development from Season 1 to present. 

He goes from being King of Hawkins High, one of the popular kids who makes fun of others, hanging out with assholes, and being an established douchebag to being a good friend, a devoted babysitter, and a mentor to Dustin and the other kids who he maintains relationships with long after he and Nancy break up. He goes from using queer and being gay as an insult to being super cool and supportive when Robin comes out to him, continues to be her friend, and keeps what she’s told him private. None of which Steve has to do. He’s under no obligation here. 

There’s nothing really in it for him except that he’s realized what an asshole he used to be and that he doesn’t want to be that person anymore and that he’d much rather hang out with people like Robin, Dustin, and the rest of the gang, no matter how weird it looks, then go back to the vapid, popularity obsessed, unfulfilling life he had before. I was really hoping that Steve was going to get a great love new love interest this season and I’m heartbroken that he didn’t! Especially because we see Nancy and Jonathan’s relationship progress and we see them working together as the great team that they are and Joyce being super supportive. 

I really really hope that in Season 4, Steve gets a great love interest that can be a part of the gang and that Robin does too! I mean for goodness sakes the kids got to be with the people that they like and I just want that for Steve and Robin. Mike and El finally got together. Max and Lucas got together. Dustin finds a great girlfriend at camp who helps them save the world. I just want Steve, Robin, and Will to have that too. Although I’m not sure if that’s something that Will wants. He seemed fine with not having a girlfriend and didn’t seem that interested in girls or dating. He was more pissed off that his friends were totally obsessed with girls and were neglecting their friendship more than anything else.

I also feel like we were robbed of seeing Joyce and Hopper get together this season! I really wanted to see them go out on that date god dammnit! I mean I liked Bob and he was a great character, but Joyce and Hopper have had chemistry since Episode 1! Bob was just too nice. Too good for this world. Rest in Peace Bob. I’m also sad that we didn’t get to see Steve’s bat in this season. I love that thing! It’s badass, a very cool weapon, and when he swings that thing ooooh lord help me. 

Some other thoughts I had were why wasn’t the rest of the gang except Will concerned about where Dustin was during the final showdown at the end of the season? They were so concerned about where Will was and finding him in Season 1 and yet Dustin is MIA for a good chunk of time in Season 3 and no one but Will seems to be concerned about it. He even brings that up to Mike, who acknowledges it, but then they never come back to it. I feel like there must have been a deleted scene that got cut that explained it or something like that, but that really baffled me. 

Also I just have to say that the science teacher Mr. Clarke is the real MVP of this show. The kids ask him some truly strange questions, interrupt his date night, they never explain what they’re up to, and yet he always helps them out even when it’s an inconvience to him. He also goes the extra mile and helps Joyce out as well even though again he has no idea what’s going on. I just really appreciate this man’s love of science and curiosity and his willingness to help. The world truly needs more people like that. The world needs more Scott Clarkes in it. 

[flashfuture]

hello do you mind explaining all the amazons?

All of them????

Okay uh I'll break down the ones i at least know about anyone who's deeper into the WonderFam please jump in I don't really interact with them that much.

But we've got

Diana Prince: Wonder Woman

Our Golden Age Princess of the Amazons. During the Golden and Silver ages she came from Paradise Island. She was truly animated clay here and several hundred years old by the time of WWII. During the Golden Age Diana married Steve Trevor and they had a daughter named Hippolyta "Lyta" Trevor. (My break down of Lyta would be an essay in itself and she's not really an Amazon so). Diana was a member of the JSA here.

During the Silver Age Diana also married Steve but no kids. She rescued Donna Troy from a fire and sent her to Paradise Island to be raised by Hippolyta making Donna and Diana sisters. This is the first timeline to mention Ares is her grandfather technically as he made Hippolyta. Diana lost her powers at some point. She got really really good at martial arts and then two years later got her powers back. She supposedly died during Infinite Crisis but then you know didn't. During Convergence she killed a vampire Joker. That was fun. In this timeline Diana was a founding member of the JLA.

Okay and post crisis New Earth Diana is the first one to say Diana is from Themyscira. It was still called Paradise Island sometimes. She was molded from clay. Diana in this time was not a founding member of the JLA but came to America after it was founded. (I think Infinite Crisis retconned her to be a founding member but idk) Diana has become a member of the Trinity alongside Batman (Bruce Wayne) and Superman (Clark Kent). 

The Prime Earth Diana is the one from Flashpoint and onwards. She’s now the daughter of Zeus. In New52 if I recall right she was made much much younger like in her 20s and explored mankind in the modern era. The Doomsday clock thing reestablished her WWII origins. She was also said again to have been born during probably the Hellenistic Period (they said classical antiquity and that’s you know just a few thousand years) She just helped out in Death Metals and is now doing something with Infinite Frontier unclear I don’t really know what Prime Earth Diana has been up to lately. 

So on Earth-Two, Earth-One, and New Earth Diana was the granddaughter of Ares and as such her life span was greatly extended. On Prime Earth as the direct daughter of Zeus she is immortal. 

Donna Troy: Troia/Wonder Girl 

Donna is a tricky one. She was introduced real quick to fill the girl role on the Teen Titans cause the boys were getting a little too gay. So started Silver Age Earth 1. Okay so basically her origin kept changing but the one that’s ‘canon’ is she was created to be a playmate for Diana but was abducted and kept being cursed to live tragic lives in New Cronus. Right around the Titans era okay Donna was rescued by Diana and brought back to Earth. Donna was the one to suggest the Teen Titans name. Donna is a member of the Fab Five along with Robin/Nightwing (Dick Grayson), Aqualad/Tempest (Garth of Shayaris), Kid Flash/Flash (Wally West), and Speedy/Arsenal (Roy Harper)

Donna married Terry Long when she was 19 and they had Robert, got divorced, they died in a car crash. 

After Crisis on Infinite Earth Donna sorta realized all those ‘lives’ she led were other version of her which she was all of now. And also Donna was believed to be the Goddess of the Moon. She had to stop a sun-eater or whatever but failed (Hal came in with a clutch it it’s cool)

Donna also had to fix some shit during Infinite Crisis and ended up on a Universe Hopping road trip with Kyle Rayner and Jason Todd to find Ray Palmer for Final Crisis or something. She was killed by a Superman Android during the Teen Titans/Young Justice Crossover. (Edit thanks to that anon for this I legit couldn’t remember how she died)

And Prime Earth Donna was made to destroy Diana. She you know didn’t. 

Look I’ll be real I know next to nothing about what the New52 tried to do with Donna. I just go by her original origins of being Diana’s sister. 

On Earth-One and New Earth Donna’s life span was greatly extended and on Prime Earth she is stated to be Immortal as on Prime Earth Amazonian’s on Themyscira were granted immortality. 

Nubia: 

She is like Diana’s twin made from darker clay on Earth-One which is the silver age Earth. Nubia was actually slightly older than Diana but she was stolen as a baby by Ares who was going by Mars. Mars/Ares is Nubia’s grandfather and he wanted her help in taking down the Amazons. Nubia was raised on Floating Island (or slaughter island as Mars/Ares called it). Nubia fought Diana and hesitated to kill her leading to a draw. Nubia returned to Floating Island and at some point Supergirl had to save her life from poison of some sort. 

On New Earth she went by Nu’Bia and was just a random Amazon, her job was to guard the Doom’s Doorway which is an entrance to the River Styx. She was not Diana’s sister. 

On Prime Earth Nubia is the daughter of Hippolyta and the half-sister of Diana not her twin. Nubia went undercover pretending to work with Darkseid before Themyscira could recover and rally to fight. Nubia is currently the Queen of the Amazons. She was given the crown by her mother, Hippolyta during the Dark Metals event. 

As with Donna on Earth-One and New Earth Nubia had a greatly extended lifespan and on Prime Earth Amazons are immortal. 

Cassie Sandsmark: Wonder Girl 

She is a New Earth entry who was for the new Young Justice team. She is the daughter of Zeus and Dr. Helena Sandsmark. Here as Ares is Cassie’s half-brother and technically the father of the Amazon’s this means Cassie is Diana’s great-aunt. 

Cassie as a girl was able to request a Boon of Zeus who she didn’t know was her father at the time I believe and demanded real superpowers. Her mother Helena was able to turn off Cassie’s superpowers at the start as well. Cassie was trained by Artemis for awhile. Cassie became Wonder Girl in honor of Donna Troy who handed over her old suit. Cassie joined Young Justice as a teenager and would later be on the Teen Titans. Cassie has become a part of the Core Four for Young Justice alongside Robin/Red Robin (Tim Drake), Superboy (Kon-El/Conner Kent), and Impulse (Bart Allen). 

Cassie’s best friends outside of the core four are Supergirl (Kara Zor-El) and Cissie King-Jones (Arrowette). Cassie and Conner Kent used to date as well and she was in love with him before he died during Infinite Crisis. 

On Prime Earth Cassie is the daughter of Lennox and the granddaughter of Zeus. In this version Diana is Cassie’s aunt not the other way around. Cassie is still a member of the Young Justice team here. I don’t exactly remember what was happening during the New52. She was still Cassie unlike Kon and Bart who’d been replaced. But during Rebirth she went with the other members of Young Justice to rescue Conner Kent from Gemworld. She is currently still a member of the Titans. 

On New Earth as the daughter of Zeus, Cassie is an immortal who would not age further once she reached her prime age (like 27 or so). On Prime Earth as the granddaughter of Zeus and the daughter of Lennox Cassie’s life is extremely extended. 

Artemis Grace:

Artemis of Bana-Mighdall comes from a separate group of Amazons not on Themyscira or Paradise Island. Bana-Mighdall is a tribe of Amazons in Egypt who left Greece millennia ago. 

On New Earth Artemis left her home at 14 and wound up working for Ra’s Al Ghul before returning to her home. There was a competition to see who would be the next Wonder Woman as Hippolyta foresaw Wonder Woman die and wished to spare her daughter the fate. Hippolyta ensured Artemis won the competition. Artemis was shunned by most of the world including the Justice League who refused to see her as the true Wonder Woman. Artemis was also thought to be too violent. Artemis would later die in a battle with a demon fulfilling the prophecy of Wonder Woman dying. 

Artemis got out of hell eventually and was given the job of training Cassie Sandsmark by Diana and would later train Supergirl in combat as well. 

On Prime Earth Artemis was raised being told she would be Queen of the Amazons. She was desperate to prove herself and wanted to be the Shim’Tar of the Bana Amazons. Artemis’ best friend and lover Akila was chosen instead. Without Akila by her side Artemis felt her home had nothing left to offer and set out on her own. She helped stop an invasion of Qurac into Bana as well. 

Artemis then joined the Outlaws and worked with Red Hood (Jason Todd) and Bizarro, a botched clone of Superman. 

On New Earth Artemis had a greatly extended life span. On Prime Earth he Amazons were gifted immortality but those who left for Bana-Mighdall lost this gift so it is most likely that Artemis has the same extended lifespan from New Earth. 

Grace Choi:

Grace on New Earth comes from the same group as Artemis in Bana-Mighdall. Grace’s mother is an Amazon but her father was a Korean American. Grace grew up in America in the foster care system. She ran away at 9 but was kidnapped and sold into a child prostitution ring. She managed to escape at age 12 after her powers kicked in. Grace began fightining both for pay and for fun and worked as a bouncer at a meta club in Metropolis. 

Grace worked for the Outsiders for awhile at the request of Roy Harper an ex-fling and good friend of hers. She helped rescue Lian from the same child protsition ring she was in as a child and generally had lots of adventures with the Outsiders. 

Later it was revealed she had Bana roots but Grace refused to join them as they were currently you know sieging down the US. Batman was briefly worried about her loyalties but Grace proved she had no loyalty or ties to the Bana Amazons. 

Grace has returned to the Prime Earth in Infinite Frontier and in Festival of Heroes and it seems like nothing has changed with her so far. 

Grace has increased longevity of her life. She is listed as half-amazon because only her mother is a Bana Amazon but all Amazons only have their mother who are Amazons so I don’t really see why she isn’t a full Amazon. Anyways increased life span. 

Jason:

He is Diana’s twin on Prime Earth. He was sent away cause you know no men on Themyscira. Jason was raised by Glaucus who was a member of the Argonauts crew and worked under the original Jason of Greek Myth. Who Jason was named for. 

Jason was raised on the Aegean Coast by Glaucus and became a Fisherman. Jason was trained in his youth by his half-brother Hercules. 

Jason worked briefly with Diana but wasn’t sure how to be a hero. There was a period where Darksied’s daughter tricked him but Diana talked him down. And Jason saved Diana’s life during the Dark Metals event. 

He is currently in the Dark Mutliverse living with a boyfriend on the Aegean Coast. 

As the son of Zeus, Jason is an immortal. 

⚔️ Also for fun the Weapons:⚔️

Lasso of Truth: Wielded by Diana Prince

Originally imbued with it’s power by Aphrodite and Athena later after crisis forged by Hephaestus and powered by Hestia, this lasso forces the truth from whoever it has ensnared. It is indestructible.

Lasso of Persuasion: Wielded by Donna Troy

This Lasso forces someone to do what the wielder demands. This requires Donna’s or whoever wields the lasso to have a stronger will then who they’re using the lasso on. It is indestructible.

Lasso of Lightning: Wielded by Cassie Sandsmark 

This lasso was created by Ares and gifted to his half-sister Cassie Sandsmark on New Earth. This lasso channels Zeus’ lightning and can make someone experience intense rage if they are caught by the lasso. The power of the lasso is directly correlated to Cassie’s rage levels. 

Lasso of Submission: Wielded by Artemis Grace

Originally from Earth-3 this lasso has the ability to make someone obey any commands even those to inspire false love. After Superwoman (Lois Lane) of Earth-3 was killed Diana took the lasso and gifted it to Artemis. 

Bow of Ra: Wielded by Artemis Grace

The Bow of Ra was a gift from the Egyptian sun god, Ra to the Bana-Midghall Amazons. This bow goes to the Shim’Tar and forges a special bond with them. Those who are not the Shim’Tar cannot wield the bow and further if you are not a candidate to be a Shim’Tar the bow will harm or even kill you. The bow requires intense willpower to use or it can drive the wielder mad. Akila was driven mad with the power of the bow and had to be killed by Diana and Artemis. It is said to have the power to destroy stars so this bow is incredibly dangerous and powerful if not wielded by the right person. 

(Bonus Donna used to use a lasso that was golden but held no specific magical properties.) 

[rachelbethhines]

Robin Hood and His Merry Band

list of characters for an original series I’m working on 

Alan-a-Dale - the gloomy and cynical bard, the grumpy voice of reason who doesn’t give a fuck, wonders why he hangs out with these crazies, knows it’s cause they’re family to him but won’t admit it out loud, besties with Friar Tuck even though they never agree on anything, is clearly a bi disaster 

The Archdeacon of Canterbury - The aging head cleric of the church of England. He supports King Richard but is becoming increasingly impotent because of his failing health. Still holds a lot of political power because of his title though.

The Azure Assassin - A deadly mercenary and rival to Robin Hood. Orphaned at a young age Azure had to steal to survive. She stowed away on a pirate ship at the age of ten and has spent the pass eight years studying fighting techniques the world over. They call her the Azure Assassin because her blue eyes are the last thing you’ll see before dying. She’s gained a modest fortune and fame as a spy and assassin, however she can never stay in one play too long due to her reputation getting out. Prince John has offered her a pardon and a place in high society if she brings in Robin Hood’s head. Shame she’s fallen in love with his brother Will Scarlet, as that complicates matters.  

The Bishop of Hereford - Conservative asshole who supports Prince John’s rule and shares his beliefs on ‘bringing order to the kingdom’. Wants to usurp the Archdeacon as the head of the church. Is Friar Tuck’s and Sister Clara’s arch nemesis.

Dame Brianna DuBois - Also known as the The Black Knight, DuBois is loyal to the throne of England and whoever sits upon it. She’s Prince John’s personal bodyguard and unbeknownst to all a double agent for King Richard who is in hiding. However she is conflicted when her duty places her lover Yua in jeopardy. Yes, she’s totally a butch lesbian.   

The Duke of Essex - Prince John’s adviser and right hand man. He only cares for power for power’s sake but is sneaky and conniving and willing to play the long game to get it. He prefers poison to swords, but is surprisingly good at hand to hand combat when cornered. Has a pet snake. It’s the only living thing that he loves.    

Elenore of England - Prince John and King Richard’s sister and Maid Marian’s mother. She died when negotiations during a worker dispute turned violent. Unable to quell the people’s rage, she was stuck down during a riot. Richard, blaming himself for losing his temper and causing things to escalate has since tried to follow in her footsteps and become peacemaker. Prince John went the opposite route and blamed the ungrateful peasants (criminals in his mind) and resented Richard for even bothering to negotiating in the first place.   

Friar Tuck - The jovial and optimistic heart of the team. He tries to keep everyone’s spirits up and believes that helping people is the ultimate expression of god’s love. Is a hopeless romantic and also very, very gay. He butts heads with more traditional leaders of the church often. He also has a not so secret crush on his best friend Alan. 

Guy of Gisbourne - From pauper to nobleman, Guy is Robin’s opposite in everyway. He crawled up from the bottom rung by using and stepping on others and he’s always looking for the opportunity to climb the ranks. Don’t let his foppish ways fool you though, he is both a cunning and ruthless foe and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. His latest scheme however is to marry Maid Maiden and become next in line for the throne as Prince John has no other heirs save his ward.  

King Richard - Good Richard the Lionhearted is no longer a bloodthirsty crusader in this alternate universe but a peacemaker. He wishes to end wars, not start them, however his more abrasive, uncouth, and impulsive nature can often clash with his loftier goals. Many feel the king would do better to stay at home and tend to domestic matters instead of concerning himself with the conflicts of other far off lands. At the start of the story he has disappeared on one of his diplomatic visits. In reality Prince John has stuck a deal with the king’s enemies and he is currently on the run. 

Lady Tiffany - Little John’s little wife and the daughter of the Sherriff of Nottingham. She acts as the gang’s ‘man on the inside’ helping Robin Hood sneak in and out of places and feeding the team needed information. She’s stubborn and spoiled but also very kind hearted. She usually can get her father to give into her demands with just a pout and when that doesn’t work a full on tantum will do. She a woman who knows what she wants and what she wants is her man. Unfortunately daddy dreariest would never approve of their union and so Friar Tuck marries them in secret.  

Little John - Robin’s best friend and right hand man. He’s a simple man who loves life’s simple pleasures, good food, good friends, and a good brawl from time to time. He adores his partner, Tiffany and would like nothing more than to marry her for real, in a real church, in front of the whole world. However their relationship must remained hidden from her father, the Sheriff, since the violent lawman would sooner see him hanged then have a thief for a son-in-law.  

Lord Locksley - Robin’s and Will’s father. He is arrested for ‘not paying taxes’ but in reality it’s for supporting King Richard and secretly helping the displaced monarch. His arrest leads to Robin and Will becoming outlaws and the series kicks off two years later.   

Maid Marian - Prince John’s ward and niece. Her mother died when she was young and her beloved uncle adopted her. Prince John is the only parent she’s ever known and she at first believes him to be a kind and just man. She’s completely oblivious of Prince’s John’s underhanded dealings and oppression of the poor and at first is skeptical of Robin Hood. However as the two grow closer, Marian learns how harsh the real world is and just how much her father figure has lied to her. 

Miss Yua - Maid Marian’s lady-in-waiting and best friend. She’s the daughter of Sir Ivanhoe and longs to be a knight as well. She’s a stickler for rules and doesn’t trust Robin Hood and his gang of thieves. At first anyways, over time she too learns of Prince John’s cruelty and even becomes a victim of the tyrant’s schemes. Which puts her in direct conflict with her love, Brianna DuBois.  

Much the Miller's Son - born as Midge the miller’s daughter, the young Much longs to be accepted as a boy. As such he’s ditched his dresses, cut his hair, and ran away to Sherwood Forrest in order to be free from society’s expectations. The rest of the merry band accepts Much for who he really is, but at only 13 won’t let him join their gang. He still winds up caught up in their misadventures anyways due to his refusal to listen to anybody, and his determination to get away from his overbearing mother. 

Nurse Agnes - Maid Marian’s wet nurse and the closest thing to a mother that she has. Agnes believes in the ‘old ways’ and is very superstitious. She’s also very critical of royalty in general, but is smart enough not to say so out loud. She’s tried to raise Marian into a better person than Prince John, but eventually was dismissed once Marian had come of age. Since leaving the court Agnes has become the witch of the woods and a healer for the poor. 

Prince John - The main antagonist. Prince John believes that he needs to bring order to the kingdom of England and feels like his brother King Richard has neglected his duties as ruler and placed the kingdom in danger. He'll do whatever it takes to protect the country including subjecting it’s undesirables.  

Robin Hood - Leader of the Merry Band and archer extraordinaire, Robin Hood had to go on the lam when his father was arrest for ‘treason’. While his first priority was to keep his baby brother, Will, safe, the two of them met other outcasts in need over the years have built up an underwound network of rebels who fight against Prince John’s rule. Seemingly suave and cool at first, Robin is actually a bundle of nerves as he tries desperately to keep his friends and family safe...even if it’s mostly from themselves. His world is turned upside down though when he meets the lovely Maid Marian. 

Sheriff of Nottingham - The spiteful and cruel sheriff tries to keep the small town of Nottingham under his thumb. He hates Robin Hood and his Merry Band with a passion and sees their continued exitance as a personal insult. The only thing that will deter him from his goal of putting those outlaws in their place is his devotion to his beloved daughters Tiffany. Who distracts him with her seemingly impulsive and shallow whims.   

Sir Ivanhoe - A respected knight who once served under King Richard has returned home only to find that his king has not made the journey back as planned. He suspects that Prince John is up to no good, but is afraid to make any risky moves so long as his daughter Yua lives among the court. Her safety is the most important thing in the world to him. 

Sister Clara - The resident nerd of Sherwood Forrest and the brains of the team. Clara had joined a convent in order to receive an education and to study science, however her experiments were frowned upon by more traditional leaders of the church, like the Bishop of Hereford. She’s since renounced her monastic vows and has joined Robin Hood’s Merry Band in the pursuit of science! She’s allowed free rein on the sole condition that she doesn’t blow up the camp.  She still manages to blow up the camp, at least once a month. Still her inventions are invaluable to the team and she’s absolutely feral with her chim-bombs.  

The Trapper - A mysterious hermit who sometimes visits the local pub. He’ll often corner patrons with crazy drunken ramblings and loves to give Robin cryptic prophecies and disjoined ‘clues’ whenever they run into each other. (turns out this is an act and he’s really a spy for King Richard)

Will Scarlett - Robin’s younger brother. Will was 15 when they lost their father and now at 17 wants revenge. He’s a hothead and is constantly picking fights with everyone and anyone. While he is dismissive of Robin’s overprotectiveness, he both loves and admires his brother. Even tries to emulate him in some ways. He also would like to think of himself as a smooth talking clever con artist and ladies man but more often then not his temper gets the better of him. Like most teens he’s obsessed with the latest fashion tends and loves to wear fancy clothes (that he’s usually stolen) He’s favorite article of clothing is his impractical red feathered hat. He’s in love with Azure and is best friends with Much. 

[icariagazette]

A (messy) summary of what’s been happening in Icaria over the last two-ish months.

Council meetings will be starting up soon!! It’s shaping up to be a big, wacky group.

Chloe’s back in town after unexpectedly extending her stay in London by two weeks! She’s moving out of her one-bedroom apartment that she shared with Nikhil and Mari and in with her girlfriend Noelle. Nikhil and Mari have decided to continue being roommates. Chloe decided for good that instead of moving back to London, she wants to live in Icaria because her friends are her family too!! Ava seems a little ticked at Chloe for not being honest with Noelle the whole time but things seem okay.

Kai and Feliks are giving some gay vibes in each others’ direction. It’s very soft and sensual- especially after Kai’s been having vaguely prophetic dreams for years about a faceless man who is definitely definitely Feliks.

Romeo has decided to grow a terrible porn stache and is having a nice time living with Georgiana.

Charon siblings in general are in danger. Romeo insulted Sam for trusting crystals and I do NOT want to be on Sam’s bad side. Help him???? Yona has already gotten punched in the face by Robin. Also she crashed face first into the ground. And annoyed Alek. IDK girl has just been extra gay and kind of a menace.

Alek is soft for Mari and ONLY Mari. She tolerates select few people, including her freeloading brother Dmitri, who only seems to know how to cook microwave hot dogs. Dmitri whacked Mari’s hand with a shovel after Mari made him plant a tree. This is to make up for the time when Dmitri wore a ski mask and illegally chopped down a Christmas tree in the woods somewhere. Anyway, you know Alek’s gonna be pissed.

Sasha and Jack seem to be doing pretty well raising their twins. Sasha may finally come back from maternity leave soon.

Rye kissed Jasmine buuuuut then Jasmine kissed Rye back. Gasp. Luna who?

Deacon and Mira came back! Deacon isn’t a cop anymore. What will this man do in life???

OMG are Benji and Bernie going to find out they’re full siblings??

Daniel and Remi are planning to open a dance studio together!!

There is a musical. It has been cast. Possible points of drama are mostly Colton-related. If you’ll remember, he and Briar were technically married. He also will have to watch his best friend Warren have a chill time with Warren’s other good friend Levi. We’ll see what shakes out.

Kass and Zoey are a thing or something omg but Kass’ ex Aurora is in town and it’s really awkward.

Cole is only just realizing that his ex Harper has a son... and it is his son! Whoa.

Jane is discovering the world!! Folks like Astrid, Bernie, Mari, and Tori have been helping her learn these things. While Jane isn’t stupid, she didn’t have the chance to learn about... basically anything.

Dexter and Ezra are on tenuous terms but it seems like it could be soft. Let’s see what happens.

Cromwell siblings are a force to be reckoned with in Icaria. Bel’s been doing gremlin things. Kelly may or may not be trying to collect a harem. Probably more casual than that. Millie’s been getting set up with her new shop and with her somewhat less new boyfriend Noah :)

Lark hasn’t apologized to Steffi yet but is working on a genuine apology. Whatever that means. Apparently Lark is trying to become a better person or something but this is taking forever. But it looks like Steffi isn’t going to wait around for... anything? After Lark admitted to Caroline that Caroline was a factor of the big Steffi/Lark argument, farm girl showed up at Steffi’s to find... packed boxes??? Is she moving? What’s happening?

Finn is a good brother. How good of a brother? So good he might even have another sister he doesn't know about to be a brother to.

Will’s back! Who’s Will?? Will Thompson. You might have thought he was dead, but he is not! His old pal Gwen and his brother Mike are really glad to see him now.

Jolene is opening a RESTAURANT and it's going to be totally unlike any other eateries on the island.

Looks like Adrian and Atticus are kind of sort of going to date (maybe?) which is wild af for both of them.

And that’s what you missed on GLEE! ICARIA!

- A

[kamenriderlogik27]

FINALLY BACK IN SABER!!!

PrFor the past... two months?.... I’ve been taking a break from watching Saber. Mostly due to personal reasons but also because I hate it when a very dumb and small misunderstanding (especially when the cause is from a new outsider character that totally has evil intentions. looking at you Sabela +-+) ruins such good friendships and bonds. Anyway, I decided to get back into it ‘cause I was SUPER curious at what was going on AND and kinda had a feeling that the misunderstanding situation was about to end soon. and omgosh I’m so glad I took a break! If I had gone through with watching each ep every week, I would have gone crazy with stress! There’s so much going on!!! yet I’m also glad that Toei FINALLY calmed us down with the pacing! I’m gonna try to talk about everything regarding episode 16 up to 25 so please bare with me. I think I might end up talking about the Zi-o VS Decade and Zenkaiger stuff too after this post~

1. When I say that I hate it when a stupid misunderstanding causes friends to turn on each other, I mean it. I absolutely hate it when a story goes down this path. especially after an episode that basically sealed a strong bond between all the characters. But... honestly, after watching it in Saber.... it has a sort of beauty to it, if that makes any sense. Kind of like Mono No Aware. I honestly feel like this situation really fit well with the plot and we got to see our swordsmen struggle with their own logic and feelings. Especially Rintaro. Poor baby didn’t know what to do, and yet still believed in Touma. Omgosh that rooftop scene with him and Mei! <3 That was probably one of the best scenes this series ever produced! I also loved how we got to see Touma personally struggle about the whole situation instead of just being mad at his friends for attacking him and not trusting him. Which is what I originally thought would happen tbh which is why I was scared to watch this batch of episodes. I’m so glad I was wrong!!! 

2. Yuri! I honestly believe that Yuri is such a great addition to the cast! He’s logical, curious, and yet has a good open mind about things. Instead of going with what he USED to know, he’s willing to listen and learn from Touma. Which I really like! Plus, the comic relief he adds is so awesome! Every episode so far I’m also looking forward to what Yuri will do just out of his own curiosity or blunt attitude. 

3. speaking of attitude, I feel like Touma is showing more personality now than compared to the first few episodes. Which is a huge relief! He was starting off as a kind of boring main rider and seemed flat. He’s still got ways to go, but I think his personality is getting better. Plus, I’m really interested in his past. If Luna is really the one that got him into reading, then is he really from Wonderworld like we’re told? Just who is he really? Is his last name really Kamiyama? What happened to him after he lost his memories? Did he get adopted? There has to be a reason why Rekka and the wonder ridebooks keep chosing him. ugh! I’m so curious!!!!! 

4. I can’t remember her name right now, so I’ll just call her Sabela. But omgosh I don’t know whether to hate her or pity her. I feel like she can work as an awesome villain, but just like other posts I’ve seen, it’d be such a shame if she ended up like Yaiba Yua. And, I honestly don’t want her to randomly become a hero like Amatsu Gai. Toei please just keep her as an awesome villain! 

5. Rintaro and Mei! omgosh Toei BETTER get them a kiss scene or something because they’re TOTALLY falling in love and I wanna see a proper kiss scene!! If Takamichi Cristalia can kiss a pink ranger, the the secondary rider can kiss the main rider girl!! No joke though, sometimes I can’t help but feel like Touma has feelings for Mei..... which I know probably is just me overthinking, but that’d be a really interesting addition to the plot. Has there ever been a love triangle between the main rider, secondary rider and main rider girl before? hmm.... 

6. Primitive Dragon!!!!!!! holy crap!!!!!!! I don’t know if I’ve ever said this before, but I FRICKIN’ LOVE BERSERK FORMS!!!!!!! I don’t know why, but the idea of the main character obtaining a power that choses him and yet he has no way of controlling said power, just interests the heck out of me! I feel like Touma REALLY needed one too! Like I said before, his character has been really flat from the start, so when he obtained this strange, ancient power that he can’t control at all, so much more is added to his character! Fear of the unknown, fear of being the one that hurts his friends, an intent to find out what’s behind the power, curiosity of why it chose him. Just so much can be added! I haven’t been this excited since Metal Cluster hopper was introduced! XD 

7. The master of logos... or master logos? is it? he kind of gives off final boss vibes. But he could also be the sort of ‘misunderstood guy that’s just trying to do good things in a very... seemingly evil way’. if that makes any sense. I’m really looking forward to his involvement with everything. Especially if he’s like, Touma’s long-lost-brother or uncle. Low-key hoping that he’s related to Touma. (like I said, I REALLY wanna know more about Touma’s past)

8. Ren like always is being a brat. But I did like how he’s actually giving what Ogami said to him some thought. Ever since watching his episode of the swordsmen biographies, I honestly thought that Ren might just end up going off with Dissast and betraying everyone. But now, especially with Kento’s return, I feel like Ren might learn and mature a bit. Heck, he might even start looking up to Touma for all we know. (that’s just a theory) 

9. Storious so far is my favorite of the three Megido. I don’t know if it’s because he’s played by Robin or what, but I’m always looking forward to his scenes. The Megido also make me curious about their backstories. Just why are they looking for more power? why do they want to rewrite the world? I’m so excited to learn more about them!    

10. And finally!!! Kento’s back!!!!!! I know that he must be under some kind of influence via Kurayami ( or not considering what he’s had to go through) and probably isn’t all THAT back. but still! he’s back! Now Toei, put him back in the opening and ending credits! I had already theorized that he’d be the new Caliber, but now that I see it, I just want him to be Espada again. Poor baby. Though, considering that Sabela is the one that took Kurayami, does this mean that he’s under her influence and working for her? hmmm.... This is gonna get interesting~ 

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (11)

The scar on her lip is kind of a pain.

It feels strange for one thing, tough and bumpy, making her aware of its presence every time her mouth shifts or when she gets too excited while talking or when she yawns too widely.

Of course, once she’s reminded that it’s there, she want to fiddle with it. But for some reason whenever she gets bored enough to do so, Naruto or Sakura or whoever’s sitting closest to her will grab her arm and say “No.” in a Very Stern Voice.

It almost feels a little demeaning. Not quite, but almost.

What is demeaning is Uchiha glaring at her, and demanding, “Are you some kind of coward?”

She blinks, thermos of miso halfway to her mouth. “Beg your pardon?”

He eyes her disdainfully. “We’re going to be ninja. We fight to kill our enemies—”

“I’m going to be a pirate, actually.” She interrupts.

Naruto snorts softly into his rice.

“—Pirates kill people too, shut up.” Uchiha hisses.

“Wait. Is this about the biting thing?” She asks, incredulous. Surely not. Uchiha is a clan kid. He should know how this works—

Uchiha sniffs imperiously. “You’ll just drag me down if you always need Sakura to save you from a fight.”

Apparently not.

Robin give her strength.

“Hey!” Kiba yells. “Sakura beating up Ami was totally badass. Mizuki-sensei shoulda given her a medal instead of detention!”

Sakura goes as pink as her hair as Akamaru yips in agreement, mumbling something about it not being a big deal around her second stick of dango. She does return the fist bump Kiba offers though.

“That’s not the point.” Uchiha retorts dismissively. “The point is we’re going to fight and kill as ninja— don’t.” He stabs an accusing finger in her direction and she raises her hands in mock surrender. “And Ketsugi never fights back. She says stuff, but then she runs away, or lets other people take care of it, or hurts herself. It’s weak, stupid cowardice.”

The last word is said with such vehemence that it’s hard for her not to flinch.

“Well, it’s not like I have any choice.” She snaps, irritably.

Uchiha scoffs. “What are you talking about?! The only thing stopping you is your own stupid, cowardly ideas about pacifism!!”

She blinks, trying to process that last bit. “What? What on earth are you on about?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know!” He screams, all but jumping out of his seat, “It’s just like him! I’m not watching another one—not when I can stop it!!”

Uchiha looms over her, glaring down, chest heaving from the force of his yelling.

She has no idea what he’s talking about. She feels more worried for him than insulted at this point.

“Hey Shino.” Chouji cuts in, munching on his second onigiri. “There are insects that don’t get along with your bugs, right? Ones that weren’t born in your hive?”

Shino tilts his head, letting his insects eat bits of strawberry from his daifuku off his finger. “That is a technically true statement. Why? Because while my kikaichū do not have natural enemies in the way ants and termites are opposed to one another, there are several species of insect and arachnid that would prey upon them, which have been utilized by imitator clans in other hidden villages.”

“Right.” Chouji continues. “So, let’s say you found one of these bugs that eats them had injured one of yours. Not killed, but injured. What do you do?”

Shino stiffens, but replies, “I would exterminate it. Why? Because it has proven itself a viable threat to my colony.”

“Wh-that doesn’t mean anything!” Uchiha interrupts. “It’d have to be one of Aburame’s bugs attacking another of the same hive, since Ketsugi was born here, so—”

“No I wasn’t.”

Uchiha actually has the gall to shoot her a disbelieving look. “Yes you were.”

“No I wasn’t.” She hisses, leaning forward. “I was born in Iron, like my father. One of my earliest memories is him and my mother leaving the country, on the run from something that made it better to drug their baby rather than let me cry and have whatever it was find us.”

A hush falls over the table.

“That would explain why you’re here, in Konoha.” Shikamaru says slowly. “Even if it’s not the closest to Iron, it’s one of the strongest hidden villages, so pursuers would have trouble trying to get through our defenses.”

“And guess what happens if the village decides me and mine are too much trouble to live here anymore?” She snaps, taking a swig of her miso.

It’s gone lukewarm.

Uchiha’s turned pale, staring blankly down at his bruschetta. He slowly sits back down.

“So...” Kiba says, feeding Akamaru some pork belly. “Are you, like, some kinda lost princess or something?”

“What? No, of course not.” Ino and Sakura’s eyes take on a worrying gleam. “I said no. I’m not. No. Stop that. Stop it right now, the pair of you.”

“We’re not doing anything~” Sakura sing-songs, hands clasped against her chest.

She squints at them, lips thinning. “Lies.”

“Hey hey, Mayu-chan,” Ino says, leaning forward. “If you just happened to be a lost princess or daimyo’s daughter hiding from a usurper’s assassins, you’d totally hook your best besties in the entire world up with some hot princes, right?”

“Does Naruto even like princes?” She replies, bracing herself against Sakura’s playful assault on her shins and Ino’s tossed napkins. “Ow, ow, I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

“Aw, what! I wanna meet a prince, believe it!” Naruto whines, though his playful tone sounds a little strained.

“Tough.” She sticks her tongue out at him. He blows a raspberry back in response.

“So who were your family in Iron?” Chouji asks, passing her an apple slice.

She shrugs, handing him her cookie. “Just one of the many, many samurai clans who serve the Iron daimyo. Like the Kiryuuin, the Kurogane, the Kishi, the Kageyama, the Kihote, the Kikuchi, the Kaname, the Koremune, the Kusakabe, and loads of others.”

“Do all of these clan names start with ‘K’ sounds?” Hinata asks.

“...No.” She says.

“Could you give us an example one that doesn’t?” Hinata asks.

“...The Okashi.”

“What the heck, that doesn’t count! They just slapped an ‘O’ in front of the ‘Ka’!” Kiba complains, Akamaru barking his agreement.

“You’re the last person to say anything about ‘K’ names.” Shikamaru replies.

“You’ve not got much room to talk either, Shika-kun.” Chouji ribs, nudging his friend.

From there it devolves into a debate about how many “k” sounds are in whose names, and who has the right to criticize an excess of “k’s” based off of that. So far, only Shino and Hinata are awarded that honor.

Naruto isn’t as active in the conversation as he usually is, only responding when addressed directly, staring into space when not.

Uchiha doesn’t say much at all.

Naruto goes straight to the swing-set outside the Academy once the day ends.

She follows him, watching curiously as he clambers up to stand on the swing, looking up at something behind her with a solemn expression on his face, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

She goes up to the tree and sits between its roots to wait.

Lee comes out of the Academy, and come striding towards them. “Greetings Mayu-chan! Naru—”

“Ssh!” She hushes, jerking her head towards Naruto.

Lee instantly clams up, a quizzical expression on his face.

She shuffles a bit to the side and pats the ground next to her, and he plops down to sit cross-legged beside her.

“What’s Naruto doing?” He whispers to her.

“I don’t know.” She whispers back. “But he’s concentrating really hard, so I didn’t want to disturb him.”

Lee nods in understanding, then waves silently but with great enthusiasm at a girl with her hair in buns who passes them.

She seems like a nice girl, because she waves back.

They play five rounds of rock-paper-scissors, four of which Lee wins, and one of which results in a hushed debate about whether “gun” is a “youthful” option in this game, before Naruto finally speaks.

“I’m gonna be the Hokage, believe it.”

They look up at him, standing on the swing, jaw set in determination, hair swaying in the breeze that swirls a few leaves past his face.

“...Okay? Weren’t you always going to be Hokage though?” She asks, not quite seeing where he’s going with this.

“Wh—yes, but s’more than that.” Naruto says, exasperation evident in his tone.

He lets go of one of the swing’s ropes, and gazes down at his clenched fist. “I wanted to be Hokage ‘cause old Jiji’s the most respected person in the village. Everyone loves him, an’ he protects everyone, because everyone’s his precious people.”

He looks at them, eyes bright and painfully earnest. “But even though everyone in the village is precious, some’ve them’re still so mean to you, and to Otou-san and to Okaa-san, just for being from somewhere not here, f’r bein’ different, an’ that’s not fair. So I wanna be Hokage, so I can tell them not to be mean. I’m gonna be Hokage so you don’t have to bite yourself anymore, and so we can all always go home to Okaa-san and Otou-san and Gai-sensei an’ eat tortoise bread. So everyone can be happy, and understand I’ll protect everyone, no matter what, believe it. What foods we like is more important than where we’re from, right?”

Oh.

Oh.

She swallows around a lump in her throat. “Right. T-that’s exactly, exactly right.”

Lee gives a great sniff, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “Your resolve is highly youthful, Naruto! I am sure you will even surpass the Yondaime when you become Hokage!!”

Naruto rubs the back of his head, grinning widely.

Then a stronger gust of wind rocks the swing and he teeters dangerously, arm windmilling as she and Lee lunge forward to catch him, try to cushion his fall somewhat.

She’s partly successful as Lee’s lunge ends up knocking Naruto off the swing entirely, the pair landing on her with a thud that drives the air from her lungs and leaves her wheezing.

“Ow.”

They end up half-limping home.

Otou-san is dozing on the couch, and he blinks awake drowsily at their chorus of “we’re home,” only to tilt his head in sleepy confusion.

“What happened to you three?” He asks, nodding towards her dust and bark covered dress as he picks a few leaves off of Naruto’s clothes, before pulling aside some of Lee’s hair to see the faint bruise where the swing swung back and clocked him in the head. “Did you all get into a fight at the Academy?”

They share a glance.

“N—” Lee starts.

“Yes.” She hastily cuts in, “Big fight. Very nasty.”

Naruto nods vigorously along with her. “Yeah, there were loads of missing nin with huge swords an’ killer laser jutsu an’ stuff.”

“That does sound scary,” Otou-san says, gently ruffling Lee’s hair with bandaged hands. “Lee, why don’t you go get an icepack from the freezer for that bruise? They’re on the top shelf.”

As Lee nods and trot off to the kitchen, her father shifts to sit more upright on the couch. “What were missing-nin doing at the Academy anyway?”

“They thought Mayu-chan was a lost princess, so they were tryna steal her for ransom.” Naruto replies, kneeling next to the couch so he can receive hair ruffles as well.

“Ah, I see.” Otou-san smiles, obliging him. “Mayu-chan, your mother is waiting in the back yard to do that.”

“Already?” She grimaces. She’d forgotten— thought she had more time...

“You don’t have to.” Otou-san urges softly. “There’s no shame in not doing it. I never did when I was your age. We could tell—”

“No.” She says firmly, fists clenched. “I-I want to do this too. Just—let me go prepare, alright?”

Her father nods slowly, his face solemn. She turns and climbs the stairs, ignoring Naruto’s worried stares or his queries about what was going on.

Sanji and Brook give her courage. Let it be over quickly, at least.

“Done.” Okaa-sama says, and she can barely contain her shudder of relief.

Her mother hands her a mirror, brushing stray bits off her shoulders. “Just as it always is, see?”

She keeps her gaze on her newly trimmed fringe and the Nico Robin cut brushing her shoulders, pretending she doesn’t see the shorn, wet slivers littering her clothes and the ground around her.

“Thank you, Okaa-san.” She smiles weakly, gratefully accepting the hug she receives and trying to ignore the pit of guilt in her stomach.

“I don’t get it.” Naruto says, sitting on the threshold of the back door. “What’s so bad about a haircut?”

“Well, for samurai, long hair is a mark of honor.” Otou-san says, hands folded into his kimono sleeves. “To have it cut off is a sign that you are no longer a samurai, which is highly dishonorable for lots of people in Iron. Mayu-chan has the spirit of a true samurai, so she hates having her hair cut.”

“Is that why you still have long hair, Jirou oji-san?” Lee asks, sipping on a cup of juice while holding a half-thawed ice pack to his head.

Otou-san tries to do an overdramatic flip of his braid, making the two boys giggle when it just ends up smacking him in the arm. “My hair is far too lustrous to be cut by the likes of sword or scissors!”

“Care to prove it, dear?” Okaa-san challenges, brandishing her scissors playfully.

Her father retreats back into the house in mock-fear. “You’re one of the lights of my life, darling! Even in the Pure Lands, my love for you will burn brighter than the sun!”

Her mother shakes her head. “And mine for you will shine brighter than the moon. Now inside, all of you, so we can begin making dinner.”

The discussion about hair continues through the preparation of hamburger steaks with sautéed greens.

Naruto and Lee are suitably amazed by the idea of women in Iron wearing their hair practically down to their ankles. Her brain just keeps conjuring up a mental image of Kumadori from CP9 in a woman’s kimono, with his long pink hair and kabuki poses.

“Doesn’t their hair get dirty, Mayu’s Okaa-san?” Naruto asks, almost dropping the patty he’s throwing between his hands.

Her mother shrugs. “I’m sure it must do— I was just as surprised as you when I saw it after I married your Otou-san and moved into the clan compound. I must confess, I never really understood the fascination for long hair that a lot of people in Iron have.”

“Do they not wear it like that in Kiri, Chie oba-san?” Lee says, depositing his chili flake-and-paprika-filled hamburger into the hissing frying pan.

“Oh, they can.” Her mother says, finally taking Naruto’s hamburger off him when he fumbles it again. “My baby cousin Mei had hair down to here.” She wiggles an elbow as she deposits the patty into the pan. “But since her hair was so thick and wavy, she found it a headache to deal with. Mayu-chan’s lucky she got her father’s fine hair, even with my color.”

“I love this color.” Otou-san declares, leaning over from stirring the spinach to plant a loud, wet kiss on Okaa-san’s cheek.

She pretends to gag as Naruto snickers, while Lee watches the display of affection with bright, shining eyes.

“Anyway.” She interrupts loudly. “Otou-san, what are we going to do for practice with the bokken? We were gonna move into fighting opponents before—”

There’s a moment of awkward silence as everyone tries to avoid thinking about what “before” signified.

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that, Mayu-chan.” Her father says, smile a touch too wide and gleeful. “I’ve made arrangements so we shouldn’t be thrown off our planned course too much. You may even pick it up faster!”

She understands the reason behind his glee the next morning.

She wishes she didn’t.

“You can’t be serious.” She says to her grinning father.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He beams. “This is the perfect way for you to get used to fighting an opponent. You need to learn how to adapt what I’ve taught you to counter a variety of fighting styles, given that it’s unlikely every opponent you face will be playing by the same rules you are.”

“Yosh! Well-said, Jirou-san!” Gai-sensei cheers, far too energetic for someone who’s just made them to do thirty laps around Konoha on one leg.

He finishes warming up and takes up opening position for Strong Fist style. “Now, Mayu-chan! Your aim for today will be to land a single blow on me before I disarm you! When you succeed, we will move on to landing two consecutive blows, then three, and so on until you are able to spar against me properly. Are you ready?”

The feeling of imminent regret is an old and familiar friend by this point.

She tries to make sure her grip on the bokken is as solid as possible. “Ready.”

By the time her mother opens the back door, she’s lying on her back, panting from the effort of trying to stand, and the bokken is lodged at the top of the neighbor’s tree.

She hadn’t even landed a hit once.

Even with her father yelling “helpful” advice like “Go for the hands!” once chakra had come into play.

“You have a visitor, Mayu-chan.” Okaa-san says.

“Ah, greetings young Uchiha! How are you this most youthful morning?” Gai-sensei asks cheerily, like he isn’t half-way to scaling the garden fence to get her weapon back for her.

She turns her head to the side, just in time to catch sight of Uchiha staring at the green-spandex-clad wonder that is Gai-sensei in silent stupefaction.

She wishes she had a camera so she could capture his expression.

Uchiha shakes his head, as though to disperse the shock of acknowledging Gai-sensei’s existence, then looks around until he sees her on the ground.

“What are you doing?” He asks, brows drawn down like he’s personally offended by her presence.

“Dying.” She tells him flatly. “Lee gets Habu-san, and Naruto gets all my cookbooks. He’ll eat way too much ramen otherwise.”

Uchiha glances between where Gai-sensei is making a lot of rustling noises and at her, considering. “Can I have the sword?”

She snorts. “Like shit, that’s Sakura’s. You get the all purpose flour.”

Her father sighs and kneels down to offer her an arm up. “Language, young lady. You did very well today.”

Her legs wobble under her and it’s a fight not to collapse right back down.

Gai-sensei leaps from the tree with a yell, rolling and neatly popping up in front of them with a thumbs up. “Yes! Once you stop freezing up in the face of jutsu, you’ll land a blow on me for sure, Mayu-chan!”

Uchiha shoots her a look that is extremely judgmental. “You couldn’t even land one hit?”

“Shut up Uchiha.” She says, taking the bokken back from Gai-sensei with a tired nod. “Why are you here, anyway? Is there a problem with cooking today?”

“We’re not doing that.” Uchiha drops his voice a few octaves. “I’m giving you the opportunity to prove your fighting spirit. You versus me. No politics, no cowardice. No holding back.”

The wind picks up, a cold draft that swirls leaves between them.

“Do you want me to die? No.” She says, leaning on the bokken. “I’ve spent all morning getting my a—”Her mother clears her throat pointedly. “—My butt kicked. I need a rest. And food.”

“Wh—I’ll give you food!” Uchiha blusters. “A-and it’s not just you! I’m fighting everyone!! You can rest while I fight Lee or Shino or something!”

“SUCH YOUTHFUL SPIRIT!!” Gai-sensei bellows, throwing an arm over Uchiha’s shoulders. “You truly are a paragon of your clan’s sense of camaraderie, young Sasuke! I would be honored if you would allow me to witness your battle with Lee!!”

“Young Sasuke” cringes away from the spandex’d arm. “No. No adults allowed. They’ll just hold us back.”

Gai-sensei wilts.

“Mayu can take some pictures of the fight for us!” Okaa-san adds quickly. “She’ll be happy to do it, won’t you Mayu?”

Gai-sensei immediately perks back up. “What a youthful idea, Chie-san!! Mayu-chan, be sure to capture these expressions of Youth as best you can! We’re counting on you!”

He shoots her a vigorous thumbs-up as her mother goes pink and swoons.

“Ah, I think our camera’s in a drawer over here—” Otou-san darts into the house, muttering under his breath about where he last saw it.

She stares blearily up at them. “Can I have a shower and some breakfast first?”

By the time she comes back down from her shower, the atmosphere feels very...awkward.

Lee’s arrived, and has been armed with their family camera on a thick cord around his neck. It’s what she’d consider an old one, big and bulky, that prints out its photos from a little slit on the bottom.

He waves to her, his mouth full of rice. She gives him a little wave back.

Uchiha is sitting stiffly in Naruto’s chair, staring down at an untouched plate of tamagoyaki like it’ll hold all the answers to the universe.

Okaa-san is washing dishes, back tense. She hands her a plate without a word.

Otou-san’s mouth is drawn, bandaged hand curled into a loose fist. He doesn’t even seem to notice Gai-sensei’s hand on his arm.

Gai-sensei smiles at her, but it’s strained. If she didn’t know any better, she’d almost say it was worried.

She wants to ask what happened in a cool, sneaky way that wouldn’t make the situation get worse, like Robin or Nami or Sanji or Brook can. But she’s not smart enough for that.

So she shovels egg and rice into her mouth, trying to eat as quickly as possible.

She wishes Naruto was here. It’s not fair the Hokage gets him for practically the whole two days on these weekends.

She kicks Uchiha’s ankle under the table. When he yelps and glares at her, she nods towards his plate and mouths “EAT”.

He scowls at her, but finally takes a bite, chewing aggressively.

They clear their plates in silence.

“I guess we’re heading out.” She says, after putting their dirty dishes in the sink. Uchiha just grunts and heads straight for the door.

Even Zoro has better manners than that kid.

“See you later Gai-sensei, Jirou-oji-san, Chie-oba-san!” Lee yells, holding the camera tightly. “Mayu-chan and I will fight with all of our youthful spirit today!”

“Lee!” Gai-sensei cries, tears streaming down his face. “You’ve worked so hard in training...I know all your youthful efforts will allow your strength to blossom!!”

“Gai-sensei!” Lee yells back, beginning to cry himself.

“Lee!”

“Gai-sensei!”

She chuckles despite herself. “I’ll make sure to get a lot of good pictures, Okaa-san, Otou-san.”

Her mother catches her face in a soapy hand, thumb stroking over her cheek. Her eyes are impossibly sad, for some reason.

“We love you, Mayu.” She says. “You know that, right?

She smiles. “Of course I know. I love you too. Even more than Luffy loves meat.”

The worry on Okaa-san’s face melts into fondness. She leans forward to plant a kiss on her forehead, then steps aside so Otou-san can wipe the soap off her cheek with a tea-towel and plant a noisy kiss there instead.

Uchiha makes an impatient noise in the hallway, so she and Lee shout their goodbyes as they follow him out of the door.

Lee really likes the camera.

It took him a little bit to work out the settings to keep the photograph from being under or overexposed, but now he’s merrily snapping away at anything that captures his attention.

Which, so far, has included a bunch of pink flowers, a dog, a bird in its nest, a couple of ninja outside a weapon shop, an old lady in a pretty kimono who called him “a very nice boy”, and three babies in matching ninja-themed prams.

“Can you stop that and get a move on?!” Uchiha snaps. “There won’t be any film left at this rate.”

“Ah! Not to worry, Uchiha-kun!” Lee digs around and pulls out three black capsules of the stuff from...somewhere. “Jirou-oji-san was nice enough to insist I take extra!”

Uchiha groans and slaps his hands over his face as Lee catches sight of a curry restaurant and snaps a shot of its sign.

“Aw, lighten up Uchiha. Let him have his fun.” She ribs gently. “Where’s the harm?”

He stops in the street. When she looks back at him, he’s trembling slightly, fists clenched.

“Fun doesn’t make you stronger.” He sneers, “It’s a weakness that sets you up to be killed.”

He strides forward and body-checks her out of the way, stomping off down the road.

She stares after him, more than a little disquieted, scratching at her scar before following.

She stops and stares.

Along the top of the Uchiha compound there are katana, naginata, sai, spears, daggers, arrows, knives, staffs with kunai tied to the top, even what looks like a fishing pole.

All of them have been bound to the top of the exterior wall by copious amounts of black wire and tape, rusting or ornamental blades jabbing at the sky like a hedgehog’s spines.

Lee lifts the camera and snaps a picture.

The rest of their lunchtime group is standing near the entrance to the compound, also gaping at the wall’s spiky additions.

“Ah, Sasuke-kun!” Sakura says. “Um, what’s all this?”

Uchiha scoffs. “I know you’re a civilian, but even you can recognize traps, can’t you?”

“Aren’t traps supposed to be hidden?” Kiba mutters, Akamaru whining on top of his head.

Uchiha pushes open the door, pausing to unhook what looks like several tripwires and other mechanisms. “Even that man wouldn’t be able to get past all of this. He wouldn’t even dare chance it!”

They all begin trooping inside, only for Uchiha to quickly turn and say, “Step exactly where I step if you don’t want to die.”

There’s a veritable web of tripwires crossing the path through the compound, spidering haphazardly up trees and the sides of buildings. Several of the abandoned stores have been rigged with what looks like the sharp things Uchiha couldn’t mount on the wall, alongside what she thinks she recognizes as rudimentary explosives.

Usopp preserve us, she thinks as they gingerly pick their way through the tangle after the last Uchiha, who may have gone off the deep end while they weren’t looking.

Shikamaru mutters “Troublesome,” like an oath.

[talesfromthesnogbox]

Big (Trash) Mouth

Summary: Richie Tozier is an already overall awkward human being, the absolute last thing he needed was an untimely visit from Maury, his hormone monster.The Big Mouth x It (2017) crossover I apparently needed but couldn't find.

Word Count: 4164

Notes: Soooooo yeah, I posted something on tumblr a little while ago about how I needed this crossover and nobody took the bait so I took it myself. I've never written for It or for Big Mouth, so I'm sure this is all wildly out of character, but whatever, it sparked joy. It was... interesting attempting to write this and not say a lot of the things I knew Richie would say, but I didn't want to go there being in my mid 20's and writing 15 year olds. So yeah. Enjoy? 

P.S. I totally headcanon Maggie and Went Tozier to be EXACTLY like Mr and Mrs Birch if you’ve seen Big Mouth, so I wrote them that way.

ao3 link

~~~*~~~

Big Trash Mouth

“Late bloomer”. It’s something Richie had heard his whole life.

Late to start talking, walking, late to potty train, and now…

“Bill, when the hell did you decide to grow a mustache?”

Richie rolled his eyes as his friends fawned over how masculine it made him look. Their voices all deeper, bodies filling out the way they should be. He was fourteen and still gangly as ever, the only thing that had changed with Richie was his height. He now towered over his friends, but still had the awkward squeaky voice. His cheeks were still filled with baby fat, and he walked like a newborn giraffe.

All he wished for was to grow up, like his friends were. He talked the big talk, but in reality, Richie was a scared little boy. His heart thudded in his chest when he thought about what his first kiss would be like. Sure, Bill and Bev were really the only two losers who swapped spit on the regular, but Stan had kissed a girl from camp, and Mike had been actively pursuing one of the girls in their year at school after they’d kissed at a birthday party in a round of truth or dare. Eddie always blushed and told them to fuck off whenever he was asked, which left Richie and Ben as the last two losers.

Ben was a romantic, he wanted it to be special, which Richie always fake gagged at before running his mouth about the love of his life, Mrs. K. It was easier to make a joke about it than face up to what he was really thinking about…

It wasn’t that Richie couldn’t see himself settling down one day, or having a crazy whirlwind romance. He was just young, he wasn’t thinking about it. All he wanted was to be with Eddie.

He’d deny it to anyone who asked if he had a crush on Eddie (even to himself). It wasn’t a crush, Eddie was his best friend of all the losers. He knew what they had was special, and he wanted to grow old with him… and be like, best friends forever, ya know?

Nevertheless, Richie would shake off the feeling. He’d shaken it off at twelve, and he was still shaking it off at fifteen… for a little while at least.

It was hot that night, he’d been reading one of his dad’s old Batman comics, and he realized Batman and Robin were a little close for just friends.

“Ha, totally gay.” He’d muttered, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart beating wildly at the thought. Unlike most of his friends, he didn’t see the appeal to characters like Catwoman. She was sexy, sure, but he didn’t feel the attraction to her. But Batman…

A shiver ran through Richie, and suddenly, a rumble came from his closet. He jumped, terrified that the fucking clown might be back again.

“H-hello?” Richie whispered, praying there wouldn’t be an answer. After a moment of silence, he turned back to Batman. The story became lost on Richie, he stopped focusing on what was happening, and continued to zone in on Batman’s well-sculpted body; and then the rattling started again. “Fuck, hello? Eds, did you follow me home again?”

The closet door opened and a dark figure walked out; a big ugly monster, covered in hair revealed himself in the light. “Who the fuck is Eds?”

Richie shouted as the thing came closer. He slapped himself across the face, attempting to wake himself from whatever nightmare he was in, but he wasn’t waking up.

“What’re you doing kid? With the whole… slapping thing?”

“What the fuck are you?” Richie shouted again, adjusting his glasses and scrambling further up his bed.

“Oh, me? I’m Maury! I’m your hormone monster!”

“My what?”

“Your hormone monster! Congrats kid, you’re a man now.” Richie looked at him, confused and a little horrified of the physical monster that had manifested in front of him. “Look Rich, you’re reading a dirty magazine or some shit, your mind wandered for a bit, badda bing badda boom, here I am. So why don’t you… how did you put it… tickle your pickle and call it an evening?”

“What the fuck.”

“What, are you not looking at your dad’s Playboys?” Richie stared at the thing… Maury… in horror for a moment. “No, I’m reading a Batman comic.”

“Odd flex, but okay, I can work with that. Chicks dig a man in a spandex suit, I bet he gets so much pussy.”

 ~~~*~~~

Richie had barely slept that night. Maury kept him awake, flooding his mind with confusing thoughts and images.

“Wow Rich, you look horrible.”

“Thanks asshole, not looking too shabby yourself.” He snapped back at Stan as they reached the quarry together. He was not in the mood today.

Hanging out at the quarry today instead of the clubhouse turned out to be a blessing and a curse. The cold water woke him up instantly, and soon enough, Richie was back to being the trashmouth they all knew and loved. But shortly after jumping in, Eddie arrived.

Richie’s heart thudded, and a weak smile broke across his face as Eddie dropped his bike, waving to his friends. Then… his clothes started coming off.

“Ohhhh, shit man, I see how it is, that’s Eds.”

He jumped. “Fuck’s sake, you scared the shit outta me.” Maury had appeared out of nowhere, and it put Richie right back into his bad mood.

“Yeah man, who knew short, angry and hypochondriac would be the one to get your motor running. I thought for sure it’d be the tall, leggy redhead.”

“Shut up, Eds does not get my motor running. He’s my best friend.”

“Oh yeah? Tell that to your dick.”

“What? FUCK.” Sure enough, Richie felt the same unfamiliar stirring he’d started feeling the night before low in his belly. He sunk lower in the water, covering his shoulders, moving as far away from his friends as he could.

“Hey Richie!” Eddie yelled. “Get over here, I need a partner for chicken.”

“Oh yeah, chicken is a fave. Think about it Richie, Eddie sitting on your shoulders, it would be so easy to just turn him around and bury your face—”

“FUCK OFF MAURY. I GET IT.”

“Well you obviously don’t. That problem in your pants wasn’t a problem until he showed up.”

“Oh my god, OKAY. I’m attracted to dudes.” Richie hung his head low, his face burning.

“And…”

“And what? I said what I said.”

“Come on man, it goes deeper than that. You’ve had four other dudes in their tighty-whities feet away from you literally all afternoon and you waited till Spaghetti man showed up to pop a boner.”

Richie frowned. “Um, you’re the hormone monster, none of that was my decision apparently.”

“No, but the gay thoughts you’ve been having about Eddie were all yours.”

Before that day, Richie would have denied it until his face turned blue, but finally, he had to come clean with himself.

“Fine, fine. I’m attracted to Eddie; I have gay thoughts about my best friend. I… I l—I like Eddie.”

“Atta boy! Now go tackle him and pretend your hand slipped when you touch his butt.”

 ~~~*~~~

“Hey Richie, why were you being so weird earlier today?”

Richie spluttered. Bev had always been forward, calling him out on his bullshit, but he didn’t expect that she’d call him out on it today. The two of them had become close. Richie’s mom adored Bev, she was always welcome at the Tozier house for dinner, a sleepover, whatever she needed. He never questioned why his mom let him have a girl sleep over all the time, but now he supposed she had an inkling that he might not think about girls that way.

He leaned back against his headboard and looked straight ahead.

“I… um…”

“I thought it might be the boner you popped when you saw Eddie strip down, but you were quiet all afternoon.”

Richie felt his face pale. “You… what?”

She laughed. “Stan pointed it out, Mike begged us not to say anything after the sleepover incident.”

“Fuck, well that’s embarrassing. I feel like I’ve lost control, my hormones are like a fucking monster, always there, just waiting to attack.” Richie sounds crazy in his own ears.

“Is it weird that I understand?” Richie looks at her curiously. “Sometimes I just… I just feel so angry, I want to scream and cry, but then…” she shakes her head, “Bill comes in and just… he makes it all better. But then it’s hard to control myself there too.”

“Oooh, Bevvie, you gonna spill all the dirty deets about Big Bill?”

She giggles. “Shut up, asshole. You gonna spill the beans on why you popped a boner at the quarry?”

“I think I have a crush on Eddie.” Richie’s surprised to hear it come out of his own mouth, let alone with another person in the room.

“Yeah dipshit, tell me something I don’t know.”

“Wait, what?” Maury popped up in the corner of Richie’s eye as they spoke it together. “Dude, what the fuck, how’d she find out before you did?”

“You two aren’t exactly subtle you know. We’ve been placing bets on when it would finally come out forever.”

“But… but Bev, neither of us… I didn’t even tell you I was gay. I didn’t even really admit it until very recently.” He paused. “Oh yeah, I’m gay by the way, you’re… you’re the first of the losers to know.”

She looks down at her feet, embarrassed by her own outburst. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… thank you for telling me Rich, I’m proud of you for coming out.”

“Thanks Bevvie.” He opened up as she leaned into him.

“It’s just… you and Eddie have something different, something special between you two.”

“Yeah, but… just because he likes guys too, doesn’t mean he’s into me.” Richie pouted.

Bev turns to look at him. “Richard.” She deadpans.

“What?”

“Eddie’s been flirting with you since we were fucking thirteen.”

“Um, he’s been bitching at me since we were fucking thirteen is I think what you meant to say.”

“No, flirting. He’s been pulling your metaphorical pigtails. And the shorts, he literally only wears them when you’re around because you always comment on them.”

“What? Richard, you never told me there were shorts involved.” Maury popped up. “I demand to see the shorts, take me to the shorts!”

Richie rolled his eyes, his heart thudding in his chest. Could Eddie like him back? “That still doesn’t mean anything, Bev.”

“That means everything, Rich.”

“Yeah Rich, that means everything! I think Eddie likes you man. Maybe try sticking your tongue down his throat, it’ll be like a fun little experiment to see for sure.”

He ignored Maury, still turning red at the thought.

Beverly smirked. “You’re imagining sticking your tongue down his throat, aren’t you?”

Maury raised his eyebrows. “Wow, she’s good.”

He shoved her, a smile cracking on his face. “Shut up.”

“Never.” Bev composed herself and leaned back into Richie. “I think you should tell him.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Richie shook his head. “I-I can’t. He’d never—”

“I literally just told you he’s been flirting with you for years. Spit it out Richie, it’ll feel good once you do. Plus, boyfriend.”

“No, but he’s my best friend. What if I fuck it all up and he never wants to see me again? Or worse, what if we do end up dating, and I hurt him? I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt him. I just want him to be happy.”

“He’d be a lot happier if he were with you Richie.” Beverly reached up and stroked the hair away from his forehead.

“Okay, maybe so. But maybe I’m just not ready to come all the way out yet.”

She smiled. “That’s okay too.”

~~~*~~~

Months went by, and Maury continued to torture Richie to no end. He somehow sprouted up even taller, his voice got even lower, and suddenly he was just… hairy.

Richie had grown up a lot, but not just physically.

He was still Richie Trashmouth Tozier, but in much smaller doses than he had been before. He almost stopped relying on dirty jokes and made genuinely funny remarks, he stopped trying to take the spotlight, and opened up to, and listened to his friends in return. Richie had become almost civilized.

He’d come out to his parents; they were every bit as loving and supportive as they’d always been, sometimes overly supportive.

“You know sweetheart, my friend from work has a nephew in the next town over who’s gay, maybe we should set you two up.” His mom would say.

“Richie, you should really think about cleaning up the hair on your face, at least until you can grow a proper beard. Your mother has told me scratchy kisses are unpleasant, and you don’t want some nice boy to think you give scratchy kisses.” His dad would lament.

Richie’s parents were a lot, but he was grateful that they cared.

“For god’s sake man, why did your dad cry teaching you how to shave your face?” Maury said, rolling his eyes.

“Because he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that I’m growing up and I won’t be his baby anymore.”

“Geez, that’s bleak.”

Richie and Maury’s attention was drawn to the window as he heard a gentle clink. They approached carefully, only to find Eddie at the base of his house looking up.

“Well well well, would you look at that. Just saw him this afternoon, but little Eds came back for some of that sweet Trashmouth lovin I see.” Maury waggled his eyebrows. “OH! And he wore the shorts. The SHORTS Richie!”

“Shut the fuck up.” Richie opened his window. “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” He called down to Eddie.

“Really not in the fucking mood right now, Trashmouth.” He sounded broken, small. There was anger and hurt layered under his displeasure to Richie’s usual antics. “I—I don’t think I’ll be able to climb up. But…”

“Say no more Spaghetti. Come around to the front, my parents are in the kitchen, I’ll sneak you in.”

Richie raced to the front door as quickly and quietly as he could. When he saw Eddie’s broken expression, he immediately brought him in for a hug.

“I’m okay.” Eddie repeated, but he didn’t look okay.

“Come upstairs, we just have to get past Maggie and Went.”

They tiptoed into the house, but Maggie Tozier was like a bloodhound. “Richie, is that Bev with you? Oh, hi Eddie, what a nice surprise.” She smiled as she turned the corner and spotted the two boys.

Eddie smiled. “Hi Mrs. Tozier. Sorry to interrupt your evening, I won’t stay long.”

“Nonsense, stay as long as you’d like. Can I get you boys anything, a snack? Something to drink?” Maggie smiled, sensing something was wrong. “Eddie, is everything okay?”

Eddie smiled but shook his head. “It’s complicated.” He shrugged, but Maggie’s eyes were kind, encouraging him to share. “I… it’s my mom… she’s been even more overbearing since I came out to her and we got in a fight. I just needed some air. I think I should have just kept it to myself and not told her I’m gay.”

Maggie rushed over, and Went popped his head into view. “Oh honey thank you for telling me. Never feel ashamed to be who you are.” She pulled him into a hug, Went rushing over to join them. “Well if you ever need some extended time away, there’s more than enough room for you here.”

“Thanks Mrs. T.”

“Wow man, this is all pretty gay.” Maury snuck in. “Ha, get it, gay? Cause we’re like totally gay and sharing feelings ‘n shit? Yeah, that’s some good shit.”

Richie rolled his eyes at the hormone monster, and touched Eddie’s shoulder lightly. “Love the whole Full House heart to heart thing that’s going on, but I think Eddie came over to take his mind off it all. Wanna go upstairs and play on the Super Nintendo?”

Eddie smiled and nodded, following the other boy into his room.

“Went, did you know Eddie was gay?” Maggie asked her husband quietly.

“I had an inkling. I think something very beautiful is happening with our son and his best friend right under our noses.”

Maggie frowned. “Just because they’re both gay—”

He shook his head. “No, no. They’ve had something special from the beginning, my sweet. I think it’s just the natural progression of their relationship.” Went kissed his wife’s cheek, and went back to their cleaning.

~~~*~~~

In the hours that had passed, Richie successfully took Eddie’s mind off his mother. The two teens laughed as they played Street Fighter, shoveling popcorn that Maggie had brought up into their smiling mouths.

It was Friday, so Eddie didn’t feel bad about drifting off in Richie’s bed shortly after they’d both collapsed in it, comic books sprawled at their feet.

Richie looked on as Eddie peacefully slept beside him. His features were soft, boyish still, but a hint of developing masculinity lay beneath the baby fat that remained. He removed his glasses and flipped off his lamp, settling into his normal sleeping position when Eddie snuggled in against his side.

Fuck.

“Oh shit, Richie, I don’t think Eddie’s asleep.” Maury once again made an appearance.

“What the fuck are you talking about, he’s totally asleep. Maury, what do I do?”

“Um… um… do you think he’d mind if you—”

“YES. Yes he would absolutely mind if I just whipped my dick out in the middle of our sleepover Maury.”

“Richie…” His head turned to the boy in his arms who was obviously very much not asleep. “I can hear you thinking. Shut the fuck up and hold me.”

“You heard the man Richard, he wants to be held, hold him!”

Richie moved hesitantly, gaining confidence as Eddie snuggled in closer to him. He could feel his friend’s breath lightly hitting his neck, getting closer and closer as he searched for that perfectly comfortable sweet spot in Richie’s arms. Eddie’s lips lightly grazed his neck, and suddenly Richie bolted upright, feeling the familiar tension stir in his gut.

“Richie?” Eddie sat up sleepily, eyes boring into the side of Richie’s face.

“Why the fuck would you move! If you would have waited a few more minutes, sweet, sweet magic could have happened!” Maury whined, dragging a hairy hand down his face.

“I—I’m sorry Eddie, I just… gotta save some lovin for your mom, am I right?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I-is it weird, being like this together now, because I’m gay?” They had indeed had sleepovers before where Richie had woken up with Eddie curled around him, but it had never bothered him until Maury showed up.

“N-no, no, that’s not it. I’m gay too, asshole.”

Eddie got up, walking towards Richie hesitantly. “Then why…” and then in the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of why. “Oh my god, classic Trashmouth. It’s like the quarry all over again. You really can’t control that thing can you?” He joked.

Richie had no witty response for him. He was silent for a moment, letting his own embarrassment wash over him. “I’m sorry Eddie.”

Eddie frowned. “For what? We’re teenage boys, that shit happens like all the time in our sleep.”

“Eddie, I… I wasn’t sleeping.”

Maury’s eyes shot open. “Richie why the fuck would you do that, he’s gonna think you’re some sort of pervert! Not that I wouldn’t love you any less if you were some sort of pervert, believe me, I could tell you stories about some of the other kids I’ve been assigned to.”

“Maury, just… just shut up, please.”

“What do you mean you weren’t sleeping? Richie, we’ve been asleep for—”

Richie shook his head. “You’ve been asleep for hours, I… I couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts of Mrs. K running through—”

“Richie please, you literally just said you were gay.” The two were silent for a moment. Eddie looked at him hesitantly and nodded. “Okay. Does this happen with—”

“No.” Richie closed his eyes and collapsed back on his bed, willing the horribly timed problem to go away. “No, Eddie, just you.” He let out a groan of frustration.

Maury stood behind Eddie, unable to read his expression. “Shit man, I think you have to tell him how you feel now.”

“I’m sorry Eds, I never meant for you to find out like this… I never meant for you to find out at all.”

“What the fuck are you going on about Richie?”

Richie sat up and looked Eddie in the eye. “Eds… Eds you don’t get it?”

Eddie spluttered. “N-not really! I have no fucking clue what you’re trying to say right now. All I can tell from this conversation is that you’re gay and still apparently fucking my mother, and you popped a boner from lying beside me. I’m not a fucking mind-reader man, I’ve got no idea what—”

Richie’s lips gently touching Eddie’s cut off his rant. The kiss only lasted a second, but it left the two teens breathless.

“O-oh.” Eddie’s eyebrows were in his hairline, and Richie couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

“Holy fucking shit kid, you fucking did it.”

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Neither boy wanted to speak first, neither wanted to look into the other’s eyes. Richie was beyond embarrassed, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d maybe lost a friend.

“Fucking hell Eddie, even your mother is more talkative in bed.” He laughed nervously, adjusting his glasses.

“Shit man, he’s not saying anything. Whip it out, whip your dick out! Stun the motherfucker into saying something!” Maury yelled and jumped about.

“Richie… we were having a moment, why the fuck would you bring my mother into this again?”

Richie’s eyes went wide. “We… we were? I kinda thought you were going to jump out my window to be honest.”

“No, no! That… that was… good! I mean, I liked it.”

“You did?”

Eddie shoved Richie lightly. “Yes, dumbass, I did. I just don’t really know how to do this whole…” He pointed between the two of them.

“This whole what?”

“You know… um… crush… thing.”

“Crush!” Maury looked between the two boys and collapsed.

“Wait, you have a crush on me?” Richie pushed his hand through his hair.

“Yes asshole, why do you think I always try to partner with you in chicken? And sit beside you whenever we’re with the rest of the losers? I’ve had a crush on you for like… I dunno… like a really long time. And I kind of thought you did too. But now I’m wondering if maybe you just wanted another gay boy to I dunno, experiment with. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“No! No, Eds, me too, I feel that way too. The crush I mean.” Richie smiled and took the smaller boy’s hand in his. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sorry about…” he waved his free hand over his crotch. “I just… it’s like… uncontrollable. And like… your butt just looks really good in those shorts.”

“Beep beep trashmouth.” Eddie giggled. “I get it. I mean, I don’t, my dick isn’t trying to sabotage me, but it did at one point, and that sucked.”

Richie looked over to Maury accusingly. “Yeah, it does suck.” He shook his head and looked at Eddie. “So what do we do now?”

“Well I like you, and you like me, we could always… um I mean… you could be my boyfriend?”

Richie fake gasped. “Mamma dear!” He said in a southern belle accent. “This here boy wants to be my boyfriend!”

Maury shook his head. “Yeah man, maybe don’t do that.” But Eddie was giggling like a schoolgirl, eating Richie’s performance up. “Okay, wait, maybe you’re onto something. He likes it, keep doing it.”

Eddie shoved Richie again, knocking him down onto the bed, but tumbling after him. “Shut up asshole.”

“That’s asshole boyfriend to you, boyfriend.”

He blushed adorably. “Okay, asshole boyfriend.” Richie noticed Eddie’s gaze travelling between his eyes and his lips. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forwards, and kissed him again, this time longer, with more pressure.

Eddie’s breath hitched; it was perfect. Perfect until…

“Boys? Shouldn’t you be—oh!”

Richie pulled away from Eddie, and jolted back up again. “Mom!” He shouted. “This is why you need to knock!”

“Sorry sweetie, I’ll just… I’m gonna leave the door open a bit for you. We’re talking about this tomorrow. Goodnight boys, sleep tight! Make good choices!”

Maggie wandered back into her room, giggling as she crawled back into bed beside her husband.

“You may have been onto something with those two Wentworth.”

“See Mags, I told you. Something beautiful is happening.”

[mxrbutch]

are we gonna talk about the way s3 of stranger things handled plot themes? am I gonna talk about how cheap some plot points seemed to me? are we gonna discuss the way it glorified violence and being American? absolutely not we aren’t, instead—

for whatever reason, in a couple years Robin and Steve are living together. they got like the same job and same chaotic sleep schedules. and Steve’s all like, Robin, we gotta find you a girlfriend. now’s the time. live in the now. Robin thinks all girls are out of her league and Steve thinks Robin is out of every girl’s league but he will her find ONE that will be worth it. Robin is so sure that Steve will be rubbish at whatever he is trying to achieve that she goes, sure jackass. let’s do that.  so he starts doing research. he actually doesn’t want to attempt anything grand, just, you know. a push here and there.

meantime: Will as come out as gay. dramatically hardly painfully but he did and of course everyone loves him and is now supporting him. okay, so. Will knows about Gay Life in Hawkins or wherever it is they are living now I don’t care.  probably got to know these places and got comfortable with his identity there before coming out t his friends.  so one day Steve calls Dustin and goes, “so, Henderson. I need you to ask Will. about, emh. I mean, I might have a friend who is,, you know, like him and this friend needs to know where to look for pears”  and Dustin immediately starts saying “I thought it might have taken you longer to finally get on your journey of self-discovery, Steve, but I am pleasantly surpr-”  and Steve, of course: “NO NO NO it’s not me. it’s a. it’s a friend” (Steve doesn’t want to disclose the identity of said friend. we love him for that. oh, and Dustin knows Robin is a lesbian at this point but Steve is dumb and we love him for that also) so, okay, Steve gets Dustin to very reluctantly confirm that yes, he understands it’s not about him, it’s about Friend. 

Dustin asks Will. Dustin refers to Steve, who goes to this gay bar and forcefully drags Robin along. with forcefully I mean that he tells her they are going to a ???? cinema???? and in the middle of the drive suddenly goes “I don’t want to alarm you but I might be driving towards a gay bar” big fight. they do get into the bar, however, and Steve is whispering in her ear all the time “trust me, I’ll tell you which one is the perfect match, I’m an expert”

long story short. Steve is sitting somewhere, looking at Robin looking at a girl and telling her to please move forward this is a safe place and would she please make the effort to being any kind of conversation with any of the three perfectly chosen candidates he has selected for her???? when this guy slides into the seat next to Steve and goes “hi. how is it going?”  “Hi, emh, hello,” goes Steve, totally ignoring how beautiful this guy looks, “I am here to set up my best friend”  “With whom?” “sorry?” “with whom will you be setting her up?” 

and thus begins a long conversation, that culminates with Steve saying “what would you know? aren’t you gay?” and the other gay saying “I’m something of a bisexual” “what?” “it’s a thing. I do everything”  Steve rolls his eyes, pretending that something very quiet and small and unconscious didn’t just shift inside of him. Guy goes “it’s not my fault you got a dirty mind”  they get along, which is to say, argue for the entire night about who might just be the perfect match for Robin. Steve describes her personality in great detail.  they get drunk. “what if we build her one? what IF WE BUIL HER A GIRLFRIEND” and it’s all. it’s all downhill from there. 

Robin has to drive him home. but, before that: guy asks Steve his number. Steve goes “sure! great to make new friends!”  Robin is furious. apparently. I mean. so it seems. Steve, even if drunk, feels a little guilty.  anyway, next day. it’s noon. Steve is massively hangover. they are eating, the house is quiet. Robin goes: “btw I kissed a girl yesterday.” “YOU WHAT?????” 

Long story short, Robin does begin to date this girl (and that’s another story, but they are absolutely and entirely priceless), but then Guy calls back Steve, and Steve thinks “I need help with Robin. What if this girl isn’t the right one? can’t nail it at the first try. I need help. yeah. definitely.” 

A,,, friendship begins. Robin is still dating this girl, and it’s going progressively well. Steve seems, disappointed by that. I mean, not really, he is happy to see Robin happy, and he glows when he sees her smiling, but, c'mon, are you totally sure? don’t you even want to know one more person? I am gonna keep looking in case something goes wrong.  Robin side-eyes him. 

Somehow,, Guy begins going out with Steve. like, they are often together. he becomes a regular at Robin and Steve’s house.  one day, it’s just the two of them, and Robin says “you know you have a crush on him, right?”  “ABSOLUTELY NOT I DO NOT”  Robin smiles. Steve complaints. He just. he knows it’s not true, of course.

one day, Dustin gets in the house while Guy is leaving. cliché scene where Steve and Guy look at each other, laughing, just a second too long, and then Steve closes the door (still smiling) and Robin is eating popcorn and Dustin asks “who was that?” “the guy Steve is in love with” “oh right! finally I can meet him face to face.”  Steve starts screaming. they both laugh, these fucking idiots. he eventually lets the matter drop. it’s not like they are right or anything. 

three days later, Steve is washing the dishes. Robin is reading, sitting on the kitchen table.  “Robin?” Steve goes. “Yeah?” Robin answers. “I think I might be a little bit in love with that guy.” “No shit.”

they get together in a really roundabout way. I don’t care when gay marriage became legal in the us, everything you need to know is that they had a double marriage and Dustin was Steve’s best man. 

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[lightsandlostbells]

so, overall, what did you think of season 3 of stranger things?

It took me a while to answer this question because I had to sort out how I felt about this season! I guess if I had to narrow it down to an overall opinion: enjoyable, but very messy. Had some of the series’ best moments but also, while I was watching, I had far more grumbles and gripes than the previous two seasons.

I’ve never really been hung up on whether this show is derivative or plays too into nostalgia or w/e. Plenty of media does that. And despite all the time I’ve spent dissecting micro-expressions and weighty silences in European teen dramas that are filmed for the cost of a candy bar … I am way into genre films and TV shows. I love monsters and superheroes and spectacle! I watched Stranger Things the weekend it premiered because I love ‘80s movies about kids on bikes having adventures, I eat that shit up. So I don’t expect this show to be a hardcore deconstruction and re-imagining of those tropes (though that sounds like a pretty great show), I’m fine with it being what it is: a solid, spooky sci-fi/horror throwback series. What matters most is whether the story and characters work. Personally, I would say whatever criticisms you can make of S1 and S2, they had heart, and unfortunately I think some of that heart was missing from S3. Much of that, IMO, comes from sidelining some of the familial relationships that were at the center of the narrative in S1 and S2, like the Byers family and Hopper & Eleven, and to some degree the important friendships like the party, although there were other friendships introduced in this season so that wasn’t as glaring. It’s not a surprise that one of the best-received parts about this season, Steve and Robin’s friendship, is also responsible for one of the most heartfelt scenes Stranger Things has ever done. 

There was also a way larger emphasis on comedy in S3. Comedy is probably my favorite genre, and I did laugh at a lot of humorous moments in this season. But I also felt like there was more comedy for comedy’s sake, like long sequences created intentionally to make the audience laugh. Whereas in S1 and S2, I can’t remember any scenes like that? The comedy was more understated and came from character personalities and relationship moments rather than joke set pieces. That’s perhaps another reason why S3 felt like it had less heart.

My hope for season 4 - and I am assuming there is a season 4, because apparently this show did mega ratings for S3 - is that they don’t add more major new characters (except love interests for the gay characters, go ahead with those, lol) and instead focus on the existing cast,  which is already a very strong ensemble, yet many of the characters have gotten pushed to the sides. I would love if they added to the episode count: a lot of Netflix series drag out their seasons, like they have enough story for 10 episodes but have to stretch it out to 13, but Stranger Things has the opposite problem. I feel like if they had 10 (or 11, ha) episodes they could have more time for breather moments and more space for character arcs. This season was really fast-paced in my opinion, and although that’s a positive in many respects, I missed a lot of the down time.

Also, I think every season has taken place over like a week maximum, not including the epilogues, and like … you can make the story last longer than a week! Not everything has to go to hell in like a day or two.

Some more specific opinions underneath, obviously lots of spoilers.

First of all, I gotta say, I feel like a weirdo, because so many of the reviews for this season are like A RETURN TO FORM AFTER A DISAPPOINTING SECOND SEASON and UP THERE WITH SEASON 1 NOT THAT CRAPPY SEASON 2 THAT NO ONE LIKED and uhhhh … I liked season 2 just fine? It’s probably my favorite. There are things I don’t like about it, but the stuff I love is stuff I really, really love. Hopper and Eleven’s relationship, for instance. Steve and Dustin teaming up and Steve Harrington becoming a guardian to four children. Those are not just great elements to the series, but directions that I think only a second season could have taken - Hopper and Eleven’s bond wouldn’t have had half the weight if they weren’t established as traumatized, broken people in S1. Steve Harrington becoming a babysitter would not be nearly so delightful if we had not known him as the popular douchebag stereotype from S1 - if he were just a cool dude hanging out with kids from the get-go, the impact wouldn’t be as great. After S1 used Will Byers as a MacGuffin in S1, S2 gave Will a much larger role and that little actor acted his ass off. His performance generated a lot of genuine suspense and chills. There was Sean Astin being lovable! Paul Reiser’s character being a surprisingly good guy! Yeah, there are big flaws in the season, and you can argue it’s too much of a repeat of S1, but to me it was a version of S1 that made the characters more specific and interesting. I’m just … genuinely baffled by how it’s supposed to be demonstrably worse than the others. Because of the Kali episode? I didn’t think that one was terrible, either. I think it broke up the momentum of the chaos at Hawkins Lab, and Kali’s friends were obnoxious, it’s certainly not the greatest writing of the series, but as a whole the episode is like. Fine. It’s fine. It’s mediocre, not atrocious. It’s not the worst thing ever. It doesn’t ruin anything about the story or direction or the series. Most importantly it’s easy to ignore or skip on a rewatch if you don’t like it. The backlash was way overblown.

My biggest disappointment with season 3 was Hopper. Whaaaaaaat. Whaaaat did they dooooo. 

Hopper in previous seasons is a flawed, messed-up human being, but I always knew where he was coming from. When he yelled at Eleven in S2, I still got why he did it. In this season he felt cartoonish. The overprotective paternalistic dad trope is annoying BUT I might have been less bothered had they connected it more to Eleven’s lack of experience with the world, less RAWRRRR KEEP BOYS AWAY FROM MY GIRL. Or if Hopper had not demonstrated like, actual rage toward Mike and we just saw him fuming about it to himself or venting to Joyce, if he was trying to keep that shit under control. (I did laugh at him singing “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim” in the car, I gotta admit.)

But his attitude toward Joyce was what really bummed me out. I’m not into this show for shipping reasons, but I low-key enjoyed the possibility of Joyce and Hopper hooking up based on previous seasons. This season felt like they were writing a completely different dynamic for them, one that was much more aggressively obnoxious. I think their intentions were clear - they were going for a Sam-and-Diane relationship, something that was referenced early on in the Bob flashback - but the problem is that their relationship was not like that at all in S1 and S2. When I think of Joyce and Hopper from those seasons, I think about him supporting her after Bob died, or listening to her concerns about her son, or working together to find Will. They didn’t have this combative dynamic! Frankly watching giant-ass Hopper yell at tiny Joyce was viscerally unpleasant. (Side note but in the first trailer there was a shot of Hopper running at the Fun Fair with someone else who I assumed was Eleven, but no, turned out to be Joyce, Winona Ryder is just that tiny next to David Harbour.)

Also, considering this season ended with his death (and we all know he’s not really dead but OK) it’s such a waste that there were few Hopper&Eleven moments! Only the finale brought some quality content on that front. But otherwise their relationship was out of sight, out of mind for almost the whole season, which wasn’t a great choice, both to maximize the emotional impact of the ending, and to expand upon their situation post-S2. I mean, it’s been months since then, how has their relationship changed now? Hopper’s letter talked about the stuff he enjoyed doing with his daughter - why didn’t we see any of that on screen this season? It could’ve helped with the Mike angle, too, like show Hopper and Eleven watching TV together and laughing and having a good time, and then the phone rings and it’s Mike and suddenly Hopper’s watching TV alone as Eleven’s now focused on her boyfriend, we see his disappointment, etc. 

Scoops Troop - Now they were a delight. They had such a ludicrous story but for the most part it worked due to the characters playing off each other and because the writing/acting/directing embraced the silliness. 

Steve Harrington is easily one of the best characters on this show. I fucking love that guy. He’s consistently entertaining, he’s had possibly the best character growth out of anyone in the series, he’s evolved from a stock ‘80s asshole stereotype into someone who’s funny and sympathetic and likable. He’s this amazing blend of the ridiculous with the heroic. Steve and Dustin were great together, as they were last season, and I’m cackling that Steve acquired YET ANOTHER CHILD under his supervision without even trying. But the MVP of the season was the Steve & Robin friendship. Holy shit do I love that relationship. Holy SHIT.

Robin herself is a terrific new character, smart and funny and once you know she’s half-Uma, you can’t unsee it. I was loving her already and then the bathroom scene happened and I YELLED. I was so utterly overjoyed. If they had made Steve and Robin hook up, honestly … I would’ve been fine with it, like this show doesn’t need more heterosexual romance but at least they had a fun dynamic, but man, the friendship angle was so so superior. It’s a type of relationship that media is lacking, and the specific circumstances of this friendship made it genuinely moving to me. I keep wanting to write like a meta post devoted to just this relationship because I just have so many emotions about it! But they play well off each other as a comedic duo and as an odd couple friendship, and they’re really what each other needs, IMO. Steve needed this close friendship more than he needed a girlfriend; in this season he’s clearly adrift and we’ve seen the kind of shitty friends he had in like season one, is Dustin the best pal he had at this point? And I love Steve & Dustin but Steve needed a good friend his own age. Robin is a lesbian in small-town Indiana in the ‘80s, and she was clearly full of fear that Steve would hate her if he knew, and for him to accept her so easily, not even making a big deal about it? That’s kind of life-saving, really. I can’t wait to see more of them, if Netflix wants to make the half-hour Clerks-esque spinoff about them working in a video store and shooting the shit, I would be 100% down for that.

I have some mixed feelings about Erica because I think she could have benefited from getting the same humanization as the other kids (and I’m going to leave the discussion of racial tropes gently by the side at the moment but … yeah). The other child characters are played more like actual people with vulnerabilities, which has been part of the show’s appeal since the first season, and Erica was more like the sitcom kid who always has a snarky quip ready; however, she did make me laugh and I like that they tapped into her being a nerd, I wish they’d explore that in future seasons with the character. “I’m ten, you bald bastard” was one of my favorite lines of the season, I lost my goddamn mind. 

Billy - Lmao, so Billy in S2 was the woooorst. This dude had ZERO redeeming qualities. His abusive dad creates a smidgen of sympathy, I guess, but Billy goes so far beyond normal teenage assholery that it didn’t make a dent in my opinion of him. You can redeem someone like Steve Harrington, first of all because Steve actually feels regret and works to correct his mistakes, but Steve also didn’t go to a point of no return in the first place. Billy did, for me. Physically and verbally abusing his younger sister? Attacking a black middle-schooler for the crime of being in the same room as his white sister? What a piece of shit.

With that in mind - I have no problem focusing on him as a villain this season, I really don’t. It justifies his inclusion in S2 other than as a human antagonist who’s ultimately not really connected to the main plot, as it retrospectively establishes him as an even greater threat in this season. I also think the actor did a good job with the material he was given. However, ultimately this dude’s arc was underwhelming. The thing is … I can tell they were trying to show Billy struggling with the Mind Flayer, but Billy is so lacking in any positive qualities that it’s kind of like, where does that struggle even come from? Yeah, even the worst people aren’t going to be wild about having a monster from another dimension hijack your body and use it to collect people for spare parts, but this is the same dude who was about to run over Mike, Lucas, and Dustin on their bikes last season for absolutely no reason. He beat Steve to point of unconsciousness and could’ve put him in the hospital. He assaulted Lucas. So I really need some evidence of Billy’s moral compass because it is not inherent and there’s in fact plenty of evidence that it doesn’t exist. I’m not very enthusiastic about redeeming a racist, abusive creep, but I also think if you’re going to go for him helping Eleven at the end … you have to show some current potential for goodness, not just “used to be a nice kid.”

A really glaring omission: the lack of any family/home scenes with him, Max, and their parents this season. We left off last season with Max telling him to leave her and her friends alone. How is their relationship since then? Is there still a lot of friction? Is there a tense peace? Has their relationship improved in any way? We really needed to see that follow-up. I get that Max crying over Billy this season makes sense in that he’s still her family and we can still have love for those who hurt us … but I also feel that we needed something between them to justify her pain, like even just the potential of their relationship being a fraction better, or the suggestion that Billy used to be OK to Max before he went full asshole. And I think we really needed to see Billy’s dad being currently abusive in this season - tbh, missed opportunity that the dad didn’t get flayed like, out of revenge (which would have been both satisfying and horrifying), missed opportunities for suspense when we think Billy might serve up Max and her mom to the Mind Flayer, etc.

Another missed opportunity: drawing parallels between Billy and Will. Both are possessed by the Mind Flayer. Both had shitty dads calling them homophobic slurs. Both could be read as gay (I’m not hungry to claim Billy as LGBT representation or invested in this interpretation but his scenes with Steve in S2 admittedly have that sweaty homoerotic dick-measuring vibe, if you want to take it there). Their names are both William, FFS. The difference is that Will is a sweet and gentle kid surrounded by loving family and friends who fought to save him, and Billy is a violent, cruel dude who probably doesn’t have any real friends, just shallow connections. You could show how the Mind Flayer could more easily possess and manipulate someone like Billy, but that wasn’t really explored.

Also, is anyone going to dwell on the fact that like … Max is living with an abusive man as her stepfather? He’s shown hurting Billy’s mom. Does that not concern anyone that he is very likely to attack either Max or her mom? 

Oh, and thank God they didn’t take the Billy/Karen thing all the way. In retrospect, even weirder considering Billy’s mommy issues. 

Joyce - I get that it’s a big leap downward in emotional investment to go from “must save my son” to “fucking magnets, how do they work” but I liked that she had her own investigation that wasn’t full of emotional turmoil. Winona forever. 

Mike - Everyone is ragging on him but I think he was less terrible than people are making him out to be. He was bratty in a teenage way, but he wasn’t the worst kid ever. I didn’t take his now notorious line to Will (“It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”) as something intentionally cruel or homophobic, just something that came out wrong and that he instantly regretted, and he and Lucas did seem genuinely apologetic over the D&D game and went over to Will’s in the rain out of concern. And the reason he lied to Eleven was because SCARY ASS HOPPER threatened him??? Also, his concern over Eleven overexerting herself was not misplaced, lmao! It really took that long for anyone to go, “Hey, should we be worried about the amount of blood coming out of her nose? Should we be concerned about the effects on her brain?” Sure, Eleven has the final say in whether or not she uses her powers, but tbh… she didn’t have a normal upbringing and her view of her powers is probably skewed. Like, would Eleven have enough basic medical knowledge to be worried about brain damage or nosebleeds, or would that just be the norm to her? Is she making these decisions with a full grasp of the potential consequences? Anyway, I don’t have a more negative opinion of Mike after this season. 

Eleven - I loved Eleven a lot in this season. I don’t know if it did a ton for her character arc, but it’s nice to see her slowly develop into more of a normal girl. And the season was rough for her in terms of getting her ass kicked, she goes through so much mental and physical pain! In the end she loses her dad and her powers!

Of course one of the bright spots was her and Max becoming friends! Not gonna lie, there was something a little … simplistic about some of that depiction of friendship for me - just that so much of it was SHOPPING and GIGGLING and BOY TALK, girls being GIRLS, when Max has been portrayed as a tomboy and Eleven is a telekinetic kid raised in a lab, that maybe their interactions shouldn’t have fit the mold quite so much - but it doesn’t truly bother me because they were so sweet and fun. I loved them tracking down Billy together and I appreciate that their friendship carried throughout the season, that Max was the person shown carrying an injured Eleven along with Mike, Eleven comforted Max after Billy died, etc. That was a definite sore spot of S2, the girl-on-girl jealousy and Eleven flat-out rejecting Max’s friendly introduction, and I do think they took that feedback into account for the better here. I also like that Eleven was clearly taking cues from Max, the more “worldly” of the two about boys and clothes and teenage attitudes in general - it gave their friendship a more specific shape.

I cannot WAIT to see her living with the Byers family next season. Like if they don’t spend significant time on that dynamic, it will be the biggest disappointment. There could be 8 episodes of just boring mundane Byers domestic scenes and I would love it, please inject it into my eyeballs, Duffer bros. I want to see her bonding with all of them, trying to fit in at school, attempting the most normal life she’s ever had. Also lmao, she and Will can finally have a goddamn conversation??? I hope they’ve been withholding that relationship because they were planning to go all out with those new sibling vibes in S4. They are the two characters who have been most traumatized by the Upside Down, we deserve to see them connect.

On that note, I have a lot of thoughts about Will in this season! Mainly - underused as FUCK. After all that trauma of being possessed by the Mind Flayer last season, they barely utilize this connection in the second half of S3. Even his Spidey sense hardly came in handy??? Now that was really weird, IMO, because the least they could do was have that feeling alert the others or be useful, but lmao it was practically pointless. 

It’s weird because I’m not sure if they just don’t know what to do with Will if he’s not being a victim (which is stupid because there’s plenty you could do with him), but at the same time, he has one of the most poignant subplots of the season. From the reactions I’ve seen, Will feeling rejected and left out as his friends move on really resonated with a lot of viewers. But then this thread is abandoned after episode 3, for the most part. Will cries and destroys the place that represents his childhood, a place that was created specifically in response to trauma (mentioned in S2 that he and Jonathan built it after their dad left), this is very rich emotional territory … and then the show’s just like ehhhhhh moving on. He’s just hanging out in the background and touching his neck for the rest of the season. 

And now I gotta talk about that other thing with Will.

I am so confused by what the Duffer brothers are trying to accomplish with Will’s sexuality, because on the one hand it seems like they have a really clear idea about it and on the other hand they’re just like¯\_(ツ)_/¯  The thing is … it seems very obvious they have always thought of Will as gay. This is blatant from the original pitch from the show as well as one of the S2 scripts (the only one that’s available publicly, so who knows what else they’ve written). I accept that people have different interpretations, but The Line this season is far from the only textual support for Will being gay, and I think it makes for a much, much stronger narrative if you read Will as gay in addition to not wanting to grow up as fast as his friends and being stunted from trauma - that is an entire meta post in itself, though. 

What gets me about the ~ambiguity is that the Duffer brothers planted the gay hints in the first place! They are absolutely not there by accident! Like I’m not speaking for the teenage actors but lmao, the adults involved in the writing and directing of this series absolutely fucking knew how that “not my fault you don’t like girls” scene would be interpreted, especially considering fans were debating Will’s sexuality from the beginning, based off the many homophobic comments leveled at him in S1. There have been TV shows where fans latched onto gay “subtext” that was likely unintentional, but this isn’t one of them. 

IDK, man, it’d just be nice to have some confidence in where this is going. I loved Robin and the bathroom scene made me think that yeah, they might do a decent job with Will’s sexuality, something I might have doubted before. Under no circumstances do I expect a Skam S3-style coming out arc for Will, but I’m also uncertain if I should expect anything from the show on this front at all or if they’ll play it coy to the bitter end. Though I guess I’d still take the ambiguity over giving him a female love interest after everything. Lol, that would be a giant oh-fuck-no.

Real talk, though, let’s discuss what an utter waste it would be to not write a scene where Joyce tenderly accepts her son when he comes out to her. You really aren’t going to bring that instantly iconic moment to life, assholes? You’re not going to provide that for Winona Ryder’s and Noah Schnapp’s Emmy reels? MAKE IT HAPPEN, BASTARDS.

Nancy and Jonathan have a reputation for the most boring plots but they’re fine, w/e. I’m not deeply invested in their romance but I don’t want to fast forward their scenes or anything. Nancy is an underrated character; she’s extremely proactive and always has been, and I enjoy watching her shoot things. I think the best thing they could do for both characters, though, is to separate them next season, not just physically but storyline-wise. Jonathan would be best in a subplot involving his family, because he’s at his most likable as a son and brother, and Nancy should either go off with Mike (a sibling relationship that is VASTLY undeveloped), or she should team up with Robin. I mean it, Nancy and Robin would be a power pairing, let me show you my manifesto. Both are smart young women who are good at solving mysteries. Would Robin think Nancy is a priss after Nancy unloads several rounds into the latest demogorgon chasing them? Would Nancy find Robin a refreshing alternative to the crushing suburban conformity that she claims to want to avoid? Oh, the possibilities. Meanwhile, Steve tags along in the background, all like OH SHIT, my lesbian BFF and my ex-girlfriend are in cahoots! 

Lucas and Max were playing relationship counselors to Mike and Eleven through much of the season. Max still had a fair amount to do, but Lucas needs a meatier subplot next time. I feel like they’re not sure what to do with him? I would like to see him and Erica interact more since their dynamic so far is one-note. 

There is one hell of a conversation to be had about the Evil Russians of this season, but I’m really not the person to do it. 

Also about the depiction of capitalism this season. That’s more thinkpiece-y than I am equipped to do right now. 

The product placement is something that should bother me more but I’m just like … shrug. Except that New Coke bit because that was an actual mood-breaker. 

Could have done without Russian Terminator guy. That was a blatant ‘80s homage so I get why he was there, he just wasn’t all that interesting. And was that guy supposed to be superpowered or something? Was he getting jacked on Upside Down steroids???  What was his deal???

Alexei/Murray was the true OTP of the season, let’s be real.

The trend of lovable, doomed minor characters continued with Alexei. Props to that actor for making you root for the guy. He even made me kind of love Murray? I was very WTF over that guy encouraging two teenagers to fuck in S2, and I’m still not into his habit of telling people to bang even when they’re adults, but I guess he just needed a sympathetic Russian buddy to win me over. 

There were a ton of moments where I felt like the characters made stupid choices as opposed to earlier seasons. Will getting dragged into the Upside Down in the first 10 minutes of the series is an impressive example of a horror movie character doing everything right and making good decisions - a 12-year-old, no less. And he was still overpowered by the demogorgon so it’s not like making good decisions will always save you! Whereas this season I was like LORD some of these characters are drinking dumbass juice. 

There was also so much silly stuff happening, like things that are even more far-fetched than previous seasons, but I just kind of went with it. Yeah, of course there’s a secret Russian base under a shopping mall. Sure.

This season is objectively disgusting in terms of gore and yet I was fine with it? And I’m someone who was repulsed by Barb’s corpse in S1. The Mind Flayer being made of people was some nasty shit but effective horror. I felt bad for the poor little rats :( Oh, and the flayed humans, too. Some of them. Was sad to see Mrs. Driscoll bite it but FUCK those cartoon misogynists from the newspaper. 

Visually beautiful! Starcourt Mall is an amazing set and I’m rather sad that the mall was destroyed, although that was basically a foregone conclusion. Some great cinematography, too. On a purely aesthetic level I had a great time just blasting this season into my retinas.

I have had the motherfucking NeverEnding Story theme song in my head for almost two weeks and I’m suffering.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 7x09 Never Leave Me

aka tired of subtle

We did it, guys! We made it to the last season! Also, hello if you’re new, and stumbled upon this without context. As usual, these impromptu text posts are the product of my fevered mind as I rant about the episode I just watched for an hour (okay, sometimes perhaps two). Anything goes!

And I prefer today’s episode to Sleeper as a post-Big-Bad-reveal kick-off to our season’s main arc in multiple ways. Also, Willow drags Andrew. Literally.

Season 7, as a whole, struggles from the main story arc taking up too much of its time. People often hate on filler episodes, but the truth is, you can’t fill out 22 episodes of television with a singular, focused story arc. And you shouldn’t.

Not to mention that fillers are a great way to explore characters without being bogged down by an overarching plot. (So stop hating on their concept, just because some shows do them badly.)

Buffy at its best realized that these things – your main arc, your character stories and your fillers – can coexist in the same episodes. Some of the best episodes of the show are one-off stories, using a unique set-up or villain of the week while focusing on characters and pushing the season arc on some level.

Unfortunately, the structure of season 7 makes it much harder to tell these kinds of stories. Our Big Bad is ever-present, and the battles and confrontations with it are constant throughout the season, once the reveal happens in episode 7.

I’m pointing this out not to criticize Never Leave Me, but to emphasize how good it is, and why the issue of the season has more to do with trying to keep up with the pace this episode sets.

Oh, yeah. Hot takes I guess about the episode that ranks 98th on iMDB. Never Leave Me is pretty good.

(I kinda wanna look up each episode’s iMDB ranking at this point before writing up on them, just for funsies, but I also don’t want to be influenced by the popular opinions? The struggle.)

To be fair though, part of my fondness for this episode comes from my feelings regarding the previous one. Watching it, I felt like I was seeing a much better version of what a follow up to Conversations with Dead People would look like.

And a lot of that has to do with Spike. And Buffy.

I spent the last time ranting at length about how I just don’t connect with Spike, and that’s okay. Pretty much all Buffy characters are incredibly flawed, and we all relate to and/or gravitate towards different ones, based on our own experiences. I love that. I love that these are well-rounded characters who change and grow in both surprising and consistent ways.

I also like Spike much better in this episode, because his story relates to Buffy much more strongly. Which does seem to be the best way for me to find a connection to Spike in any given episode (see also: Fool for Love).

I guess another aspect is that unlike Sleeper, this episode focuses much less on his romanticism. He instead talks about his past. About the horrific things he’s done. About his and Buffy’s self-hatred. About how he understands it and that she used him now, and how he didn’t back then.

More importantly, Buffy gets to fire back. She did tell him all those things last season. It’s why she ended things with him in the first place. She also challenges his assumptions about that self-hatred as a current motivation in what’s decidedly my favorite scene of the episode.

SPIKE:  “Have you ever really asked yourself why you can’t do it? Off me? […] You like men who hurt you.” BUFFY:  “No.” SPIKE:  “You need the pain we cause you. You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the Slayer.” BUFFY:  “No. I don’t hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore. You think you have insight now because your soul’s drenched in blood. You don’t know me. You don’t even know you. […} Listen to me. You’re not alive because of hate or pain. You’re alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance. […] You faced the monster inside you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man.”

I love this scene, because Spike posits something that’s in line with Buffy’s own fears about her relationships, something that she voices as far back as season 4. That maybe she herself seeks out these painful, dramatic romances.

…But this discussion isn’t really just about that, isn’t it? And even if Buffy hasn’t quite landed yet on how to approach her romantic history, she has plenty of self-knowledge. She knows why she hasn’t and won’t kill Spike now.

Buffy sees and believes in the best of people. Even when they don’t. And here she shows the same compassion to Spike that she did to Angel as far back as season 1.

See, she’s a protector, not a killer. And one with a huge fucking heart at that.

That’s why she didn’t kill Spike. At worst, she saw him as non-threatening to others after his chip debacle, at best, she saw a potential for him to become better.

Still. How does one reconcile this characterization of Buffy with what we see in Selfless? Has Anya not proved more than enough times that she can be better? That she’s more than just the vengeance demon she used to be?

Worse, when Buffy and Xander argue about the difference between stopping Anya then, and Willow at the end of season 6, Buffy’s argument doesn’t really make sense once you think about it. She says that they weren’t planning on killing Willow, because Willow’s human. But from everything we know of vengeance demons, there really isn’t any distinction between them and a human with powers. They still have their souls.

So the distinction Buffy makes between Anya’s and Willow’s case feels arbitrary. And so does the decision to not kill Spike at certain points of the story.

But that’s what Buffy says in Selfless, isn’t it? “Someone has to draw the line.” And in a world with no clear-cut black and white morality, that line is arbitrary.

Buffy’s been acutely aware of the fact that the world she operates in is full of grey areas ever since Lie to Me. There are no easy answers or choices, even when you’re fighting literal creatures from hell, but someone has to makes these decisions regardless. Someone has to draw the line. And that’s Buffy.

But I think that’s why she finds it all the more important to choose hope sometimes. She has to be prepared, yes, and she can’t rely on the power of love alone, as discussed before. Her responsibilities come first. But she can offer a choice.

Even in Selfless, one of the most important moments for Buffy is when she implores Xander to find her another way to deal with Anya. Which is what Willow ends up doing, by asking D’Hoffryn to offer up the same kind of choice to Anya, that Buffy felt unable to in this situation.

Never Leave Me is also the episode where the gang meets Andrew again. More accurately, Willow runs into him, and he’s terrified. As he should be.

ANDREW:  “Warren killed Tara. I didn’t do it. And he was aiming for Buffy anyway.” WILLOW:  “Not making it better.”

In case you missed it, this was a direct callback to another scene:

WARREN:  “It was an accident, you know.” WILLOW:  “Oh. You mean, instead of killing my best friend, you killed my girlfriend.”

Listen, all I’m saying that if Willow flayed Andrew after that line? I wouldn’t have blamed her.

But Willow these days is less about the murder, so instead she just stares incredulously at Andrew after that little moment of rage-inducing blunder. And they both nerd-monologue at each other, I guess?

(Sidenote: I don’t think I ever got around to mention this with the last season, but there’s an interesting and somewhat uncomfortable interpretation of the Trio, as a mirror to Willow’s own character. Mostly the worst parts of her at that of course, but there are definitely some parallels here; particularly to Warren and his tech savviness, and Jonathan and his magical abilities. Andrew is probably the least obvious example though – unless we take his relentless gay-coding as a nod to that.)

This whole storyline of course ends up being played mostly for comedy, as Anya and Xander take it upon themselves to test their interrogation techniques on Andrew. And it’s fun, too, seeing them work together without the added baggage that was their romantic relationship. It makes me both root much more for them to get back together, and wish that they wouldn’t, because they work so much better like this.

Even if Xander’s speech to Andrew is obviously supposed to be about himself, and how he’s still not over Anya.

XANDER:  “There was this one guy, her hurt her real bad, so she paid him back. She killed him, but she did it real slow. See, first she stopped his heart, then she replaced it with darkness, then she made him live his life like that. But he still had to go do his job, and see his friends, and wake up in the morning, and go to bet ad night, but he had to do it all empty. Without anything to look forward to. Ever.”

Honey… I know you know this, but you did this to yourself.

Oh, and isn’t it fun that when the Harbringers attack, one of the first things they do is knock Willow unconscious? It’s almost as if the show is trying not to call attention to the fact, that she could probably take these guys out in a second with magic.

But at least this gives Dawn some chance to kick ass, so that’s always a plus.

Another side-plot that’s happening is with my boy, Robin, who finds Jonathan’s body in the basement. And decides to bury It instead of telling anyone about it.

I’m sure there’s an explanation to this other than making us believe that he’s a bad guy, but I honestly can’t even remember. We’ll see, I guess.

The episode ends with Buffy making the connection that they’re up against the First, and the First itself monologuing at Spike about how it’s tired of being subtle. Which feels very meta in an ironic kind of sense from the show, but also marks a questionable turn in the season arc.

There’s a lot of cool concept and potential (hehe) in the First as a Big Bad, that we’ve seen demonstrated in Conversations with Dead People. It knows things. It can appear as anyone you know who died. It can mess with you in infinite ways.

In this scene though, the First is talking about bringing these Uruk-hai vampires to the surface, and that’s just not as interesting as those other tactics. Even if Buffy gets to have cool fights with them.

But that’s still to come. Who knows, maybe I’ll appreciate the super vampires after all.

Also appreciated – those scene of Quentin and the Watcher’s Council being their usual, holier-than-thou selves, keeping information from Buffy, and relying on empty platitudes... immediately followed by them getting blown up.

Yeah. This show’s anything but subtle, that’s for sure.

[oqpromptparty]

Hi everyone! If you’d like to take part in this year’s Prompt Party Week, just select any of the prompts from the list below and write a fic, make a video or create some art based on it. Please note that more than one person may choose the same prompt.

You may submit new stories or include the prompts in any of your existing verses (though all your entries must be posted for the first time during Prompt Party Week).

Art/Video makers may use any of the prompts, but there are some Art/Video specific ones at the bottom of the post.

I have condensed some of the prompts that were a little too long and removed some that felt repetitive or have been sent before… feel free to take some liberties with some of the more specific prompts!

If you have any questions, please tweet @OQPromptParty

OQ Prompt Party week will run from 27th May - 2nd June 2019. Please don’t post anything until then.

Prizes:

Everyone who posts a prompt for all seven days of the OQ Prompt Party week will be sent a limited edition, one of a kind Outlaw Queen button/badge. These will never be available again, so don’t miss out!

Each day there will also be the opportunity to win another prize. You will be entered into a prize draw and the more prompts you write, the more times your name will be entered into the draw. I will announce which prizes will be available on each day soon.

There will also be a separate prize for most prompts included in a single one-shot/chapter (crack!fic encouraged).

And now! Without further ado, here are your prompts:

Lonely Robin paints/sculpts a picture of the woman of his dreams and she comes to life.

Roland’s first lost tooth.

“Sorry I thought you were someone else.”

Regina has scars from surviving a fire and thinks nobody can love her, Robin proves her wrong.

Roadtrip AU: Regina and Robin go to DisneyWorld for the first time and take Henry and Roland

Regina is the (little) sister of Robin's over-protective best friend.

One (or both of them) is in a coma, and they keep meeting in their dreams.

The first time Roland calls Regina "Mama"

Fighting Wolves.

A positive resolution or a rewrite of the baby storyline - Robin isn't the father / Regina is the mother.

Robin and Regina pick up a stranger at a bar and have some fun

Henry, Robin and Roland play Mario Kart

Regina over-hears someone talking about Robin in a language he doesn't know and she defends him.

Robin meets Daniel or Regina meets real Marian.

Regina and Robin are professors at the same university, enemy-to-lovers

OQ AU in a Love+Death+Robots scenario.

Enchanted AU: Regina finds herself trapped in the real world, New York City and finds something unexpected: a happy ending.

Regina asking for something she considers weird in bed

Modern AU: Regina is a witch and when Robin discovers it accidentally, his reaction surprises her.

Makeup sex

Regina’s new obsession is bubble tea, Robin just thinks it’s weird

Regina and Robin in a cooking competition.

Season 6 AU: Robin goes to the Wish!Realm with Regina and they both meet their Wish!versions.

MCU AU: Either Robin or Regina gets taken in the Thanos snap. Bonus points if you also wipe out one or more of the kids for maximum angst.

Robin, Regina and the boys in an escape room.

A little private time in Camelot.

Robin is a warlock who cast the first curse, and Regina is an archer who steals from the rich to give to the poor.

Ella Enchanted AU

Robin leaves after he feels betrayed

Summer vacation

Quiet times near the fireplace.

The Princess Diaries 1 and 2 AU

"Only You" AU

One of them gets injured and the other has to take care of them.

Robin and wishHook have to plan a part of Robin & Alice’s wedding (bonus points for a crack fic).

Spilled wine/coffee.

Robin & Regina are expecting twins.

Regina as a sex therapist.

Regina is thrown from her horse, Robin is the one who helps her.

Confessions of a Shopaholic AU: but Regina/or Robin is a hoarder of books instead of clothes.

Atlantis.

Accidental magical body swap

Bedsharing

Good Girls AU - Robin as a stay home dad, Regina as a criminal

Robin is custodian of a cemetery and meets Regina when she buries Daniel and keep meeting as she mourns.

Regina didn’t realize marrying Robin meant that she’d also be getting custody of all the Merry Men

The Sound of Music AU

One of them falling (any kind of fall), the other helping

Person A almost losing a loved one and person B tries to comfort them.

Inspiration from Pet Sematary - Regina or Robin dies and the other buries them in a place that happens to be cursed so that those buried there are resurrected. Regina or Robin is resurrected but are soon to be revealed as being darker and more sinister than they were.

Henry’s graduation.

Letters

Fic based on “Die From A Broken Heart” by Maddie and Tae. Robin and Regina have a massive fight after he shows up wasted with a few buddies... he walks out on her and slams the door behind him and she runs to her mom for comfort. By the end Robin comes to apologize and slowly win her back. AU (Cora is the good guy)

AU - Robin attends a convention with Henry and Roland.

Robin catches Regina full on dancing around in the kitchen while making dinner.

Pregnancy horniness.

Lost AU.

Roland's bedtime routine is exhausting.

OQ wedding + Robin carries Regina bridal style into their house.

Season 7 AU: Roni takes in a stray fox who turns out to be Robin.

Starting a new relationship after having slept together.

Stuck on a crowded train.

Regina and Robin visit New York City.

Regina hates celebrating her birthday, but Robin finds out and does something special for her.

Hiking in the woods.

Regina as a female knight and Robin as her Squire.

Robin and Regina are in Regina’s vault and Robin accidentally knocks over a potion, turning Regina into an animal.

“I didn’t know you speak…”

OQ get arrested for public sex

Grown up, Robyn meets grown-up Roland in the Enchanted Forest.

Regina and Robin take a walk on the beach at sundown.

Chaperoning Roland's first date.

Robin makes Regina a romantic meal and it doesn’t go to plan.

Person A pretends to be alright on their own but they finally accept they want Person B's company.

Regina shares an unusual fear.

OQ falling asleep on the sofa together.

San Junipero AU: Robin and Regina meet through a simulation meant for older people to live freely as their young selves once more.

Edible body paints.

Robin disguised as a priest and seeks shelter at a monastery where he meets novice Regina.

Henry and Roland plan something special for OQ's anniversary

OQ + war

First curse AU: Robin comes to Storybrooke with everyone, he and Regina meet and he instantly falls for her, but she tries to pretend she doesn’t care or isn’t affected by his charms, but fails miserably.

An "accidental" kiss.

He’s in for robbery. She’s in for murder. A prison romance blossoms when Robin Locksley notices a quiet inmate across the fence on her daily one hour out on the yard.

Robin at Regina's coronation.

Leo causes trouble for OQ

Missing year + a spell of kindness

DOQ CAOS AU: Mal & Regina as Hilda & Zelda who both fall for the Human Robin

Regina gets a happy ending massage from Robin.

Robin dealing with ED issues (temporary or permanent)

Robin surprises Regina with a puppy/cat as a birthday gift.

Every day, Regina takes her beloved sheltie to the same local dog park. And every day, she sees the same handsome blue-eyed blonde entertaining his adorable little corgi. Perhaps some day, she’ll muster the courage to say hi. Perhaps one day, it’ll not be her, but the dogs that will decide.

How to Train Your Dragon AU

AU: As a kid/teen/young adult, Person A was kidnapped. Years pass but Person A's family still hasn't lost hope and are still looking for them. Eventually the family hires Person B, the best detective in the country to find Person A and bring them home.

Regina meets Robin’s parents.

Party

Robin Locksley is the lead actor on a fantasy TV show “Happily Ever After.” Regina Mills is the typical troubled Hollywood ‘queen’ whose been cast as Robin’s new love interest only because the producers need a big name to bring in ratings and Regina needs a way to fix her reputation. They might play lovers on screen but off screen they can’t stand each other. Until they get to know one another; then real life most definitely begins to reflect fantasy...

Henry seeks Robin's advice on a very important matter

The Merry Men accept Regina into their group.

Regina is Roland’s therapist - he gets bullied at school and Robin and Regina end up liking one another.

Labrador puppies!

Regina works at an animal shelter, Robin and Roland want to adopt a dog.

A day at the beach.

Robin comes back when Robyn is 8 to find his daughter is a spoiled brat, Little John and Regina split up his children,  Hook got to come back before him and Regina split her soul.

Regina and Robin are surprised to find that Roland has magic.

A (magical) circus visits Storybrooke.

“It’s the reason why we broke up in the first place.”

“I thought you were gay.”

Sharing body heat to stay alive.

Roland is secretly Regina’s biological child.

Gender Swap version of their story. Robin is the struggling to reform Evil King. Regina is the leader of the Merry Men.

OQ/Stargate crossover.

Robin spends a whole day with Henry while Regina spends it with Roland.

“I just want to see you smile”

Visiting a castle in present day.

Bandit!OQ - one gets captured/caught, the other has to save them

OQ modern world AU with no magic.

Season 7 AU: Regina meets Robin in EF2 but he doesn’t remember her.

Robin and Regina go to John’s farm with little Roland who becomes obsessed with a little piglet named Wilbur and spider named charlotte and Regina can’t stand the farm life and has a panic every time she dresses up Roland only to have him get his clothes full of mud- can be modern AU.

Robin gives Regina a ring.

Secret relationship AU.

Stalker.

Robin consoles Regina after one of their kids yells "you're not my real mom."

North of the Wall.

Robin catches Regina doing something awful.

Regina and Robin as a king and a queen of separate kingdoms who fall in love (and unite their kingdoms).

DOQ on vacation.

Lion King AU: While hunting far to find food, Regina reunites with Robin, her childhood friend and betrothed, after years of thinking him dead when his father, the King, was mysteriously killed.

Accidental spell that makes Robin and/or Regina lustful.

Going shopping.

Storybrooke Community Theatre is putting on ‘Snow White & the Seven Dwarves’ and Regina gets cast as Snow White while Robin gets cast as Prince Charming.

"My little sibling has been talking about his/her new friend for a while now but I always thought you were an imaginary friend or something but holy shit you are definitely not imaginary (for real how are you so hot???)"

Regina forms a friendship with Little John.

Monster in the closet.

Dark!OQ's wedding.

Fake relationship AU.

Robin & Regina in a Jaime & Brienne-type relationship (pref minus the incest backstory)

OQ meet again after a long time like on this Nescafé Gold advert: https://youtu.be/jZtEXMBbaZg

Byzantine empire or Ottoman empire AU.

DOQ Roland calls Mal mom.

Three Wishes.

Robin doesn’t reach Regina in time. The crystal hits her but instead of killing Regina, it kills their unborn child.

Mother’s day/Father’s day.

Fic based on the movie “Moonstruck”.

Enchanted Forest AU: Person A is a member of the royal family. An assassination destroys their family, but Person A manages to escape and is believed to be dead. Person A finds out that their power-hungry relative (Person C) was behind the attack and wanted the throne for themself. While on the run, Person A meets Person B, who invites A to their camp. After finding out A's true identity, B and his/her friends agree to help A to stop Person C's tyranny so A can be crowned as the rightful king/queen.

Regina’s past haunts her.

Robin is known as the Vicious King whose first love Marian was murdered because his step son David couldn’t keep a secret. Tinkerbell leads Robin to his soulmate, a beautiful brown eyed peasant woman with a feather tattoo.

Game of Thrones final season watch party.

Robin, Roland and Robyn are incredibly poor, borderline homeless, Regina is the CPS caseworker assigned to investigate them.

A mysterious stranger appears in Hyperion heights, no one knows who he is, but he has a gorgeous voice and he sings at Roni’s bar every Friday, and then rides off on a motorcycle.

After Regina brings Robin back she has a problem letting him go even for a second to the point where it becomes a problem.

Robin is a cop who goes undercover in a deadly dangerous motorcycle club, Regina is the president’s old lady.

Robins soul wasn’t obliterated, but instead was sent to the worst part of Hell as punishment for loving the Evil Queen and Regina just found out.

Robin & Regina get into a fight and have near death experience and angsty make up sex after (canon).

Robin the handyman.

Hunchback of Notre Dame AU.

Regina and Robin are actors on the same Broadway show.

The occupants of Misthaven discover a new land full of murder, betrayal and deaths, a land where the dead walk, a land called Westeros.

Robin and Regina’s daughter’s first prom.

Road trip.

Robin watches Regina and their kids from heaven as they continue with their lives (canon or AU).

Regina talks to Robin for the first time.

Regina accidentally hurts Robin with her magic.

DP with Robin, David & Regina.

Regina and Robin discuss moving into the woods when the last kid is preparing to leave the nest.

The Durrells AU.

Robin isn’t dead when Regina splits herself in two.

OQ stranded on an island.

“Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking but my smile still stays on.”

Robin cooking in Regina's kitchen for the first time.

Regina dealing with menopause.

Robin finds out Nottingham & Regina dated (or he finds out that Cora tried to hook them up in the ‘Mother’ ep).

Robin and Regina want to adopt a baby.

DOQ and quirks of living together.

Kissing Booth AU.

“Your curse is to remember.” Robin, who remembers everything, is in Hyperion Heights while Henry, Roland, Robin and Regina, who’s with Facilier, have no idea who he is.

AU: OQ as teenagers/young adults

Robin detests Snow more than Regina does.

Regina proposes to Robin.

“Robyn is eloping with the daughter of a pirate and a nature goddess, Roland is having an affair with a married princess, Henry’s mother in law is threatening to kill everyone and you still want to have a party?”

“I know you care for her, Regina, but I don’t want Zelena around my son.”

Robin and Regina join Twitter and find themselves involved in a fangirl argument over Henry’s ‘Once Upon a Time’ book.

Evil Queen introduces Wish!Robin to Roland or Robin.

Robin travels back in time with Hook & Emma.

Regina and Robin are neighbors who can't stand each other.

“You kissed Snow?!”

Beetlejuice AU: Robin and Regina are both dead and haunt a house with one another whilst trying to find a way to move on together.

Fireworks.

Regina is betrothed to a pompous son of some Lord who lives out near Sherwood Forest that she’s never met before in her life. Robin’s future intended is the spoiled daughter of Princess Cora and Prince Henry who he never even laid eyes on. But how could Regina ever love the man she was supposed to marry when she’s fallen so hard for the forest smelling peasant she met in a tavern? Not to mention how could Robin ever hope to care for some princess when he’s head over heels in love with a brown eyed peasant woman whose smile he sees every time he closes his eyes?

Robin loses his memories, Regina must make him fall in love with her again.

Perfect Date AU (Netflix)

DOQ find out they share a soulmate bond

Waitress AU

Jurassic Park/World AU

Nashville

“If i’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have...”

The original meaning behind the lion tattoo

Lost in time

Henry and Roland have a fight

Both Robin & Regina are hot tempered. 

Video Prompts

"I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith

Pretty Woman

Loving Can Hurt

This is Me

Season 1/2/3/4/5/6/7 AU

Fight song

“Tishbite” by Cocteau Twins

Any classical music

“Don’t Treat Me Bad” - Firehouse

“Paradise” - George Ezra

“Walk Me Home” - Pink

“Here We Go” - Wild

Up Town Girl

Any song from a Disney animated movie

“Shallow” - Lady Gaga

“I’ll Be There” - Jess Glynne

Art Prompts

Historical AU

Angels & Demons

Art a favourite fic

Sunset

Rainbow

Comfort

Anniversary

The 90s

Comic book

Sherwood forest

Fire

Trouble

Romance

Hero

[lilaflyy]

Fictober Day 4 - “Will that be all?”

I don’t like this one as much as the one from yesterday, but it’s better than the one from Tuesday! :3 I have a better grasp on Maddy than I have on most characters, so this was a lot of fun to write. I was running short on time in the last part, so that might seem a little rushed, but I think it’s overall okay.

Maddy is my favourite character from “Unseen” by the way. I know a character owner should not pick favourites, but really, she’s my favourite, no doubt about it. ;w;

Maddy

There were a lot of things Paris had taught me and I was sure there were also a lot of things this town in the middle of England could teach me. In the big city you had to be careful of your every step to not accidentally walk into the bad parts of town, but you also had to have the courage to dare something from time to time. I had learned the hard way that daring something might be healthy to get the craving for adventure satisfied and to get stories to tell, but it could also be dangerous. Just how dangerous it could be had become clear to me when I had died in that dirty alley all those years ago.

Naïve little Maddy was gone. She died three years ago in that Parisian alley. A young teenager on the quest to become an adult which she had tackled with an unhealthy amount of recklessness. I had had to pay for that recklessness with a dead best friend and my own human body. Keeping my life only for the price of belonging everywhere yet nowhere.

It had not erased the memories of that day and the trauma had shook me to my core. Even now, years later, I woke up from nightmares, reliving that horrible night over and over. If this torture was part of the curse or just a regular torture my mind subjected me to was unclear.

What had shaken me just as much as the memories, had been the loss of my voice. Well, it had not exactly been a loss but rather a gain of a new ability. An ability I despised. Others might have found a liking in a voice that lured people closer, made them obey to your every wish and made them love you. Old me would have adored it, but after what I have unwillingly sacrificed to gain it, the only thing I yearned for was something real. After all, singing was my life. It had always been my life and it was my dream. To have it twisted like this had been a cruelty by the universe I had never forgiven. A siren voice to one whose only comfort was to sing.

There had also been good things happening in the last three years though. I have met a new best friend. One, who I could be sure was real and not just some person enchanted by my voice. How I could be sure? Well, he was deaf. With my self-enforced muteness and his deafness, we had both become outsiders. He taught me sign language and I practiced speaking with him.

He had also been the first one to find out about my otherness. As the observant person he was, he had realised pretty quickly that something odd happened whenever I talked to others. An oddness that went beyond what was common.

It had taken a while, but we had eventually decided to test out my special abilities in a safe setting and stabilize them so I could live a normal life again. What we discovered, however, had gone far beyond just charming people with my voice.

Now, I was fast, swift and I even could fly. I distracted people with my singing and I could make the quietest of escapes. Becoming a thief had not been something I had ever seen myself doing, but like everything else in my life, it had just happened. A “just this once” had turned into “just one more” until I had grown sick of finding excuses. It had become the norm, even though I was not particularly proud of it.

New town, new rules though. I had to accept that things were different now, but you know what they say, old habits die hard. To be sneaking around such a quiet place with the most horrible crime being the occasional robbery, there was not much to do. Paris had always been buzzing with opportunities, while in this place I had to take what I could get.

Even I had to admit that going for the wallet of some rich bastard was beneath me. He may have had deserved it but the usual thrill that went with my usual nightly escapades.

No priceless jewel was snatched right from under the surveillance of a group of thieves who had stolen it themselves. It also was no busted drug deal or a person saved from murder. It was just a petty act of thievery which I really was not proud of. I almost considered giving the damn wallet back when there was a noise behind me. A noise too silent to be just a random person.

I kept my cool, knowing my glamour and the costume I additionally wore would protect me to be identified. Even I could not do much against a gun being pointed at me, or a knife being held at my neck, so swiftly drew my own knives—they were meant for throwing, one between each finger—and whirled around to whoever had dared to sneak up on me.

It was not a familiar face, but yet there was something I recognized. A feeling. A hunch. Something fey. At least he seemed male, so this would hopefully be easy. Unless he was gay. Well, it was still worth a shot to play my charms now that I could control them!

“Don’t you know it is rude to take things that don’t belong to you?” he asked and held his hand out, as if expecting me to drop the stolen wallet into it and call it a night. Clearly, he was the naïve one out of the two of us, which could give me the upper hand.

“It is also not polite to hit women and only offer them a salary they can actually live from when they endure sexual harassment,” I said with a shrug, not taking my eyes off him. I would not use my siren voice. Not yet. Maybe I could convince him with normal means to let me go.

“Stealing is a sin, yada yada yada, but I’m not religious and the bastard I stole this from obviously isn’t either. It’s by far not what he deserves, but it’s a start,” I continued.

“So, you plan to kill him?” His voice was scarily calm. So far, I had only killed in self-defence and that had been over a year ago and only twice. So, no, I did not plan to kill him. Whatever would lead him to such an assumption?

“I don’t like getting my hands dirty if I can prevent it,” I replied as calmly as possible. This guy unnerved me, maybe I should just charm him and be done with it. I could go home then and use the money to pay for food for a homeless shelter or something similar.

“This is quite human of you.”

A suspicious phrasing.

“Will that be all?” I asked, fake annoyance and nonchalance tugging at my tone. In reality I was just unnerved and wound up like a spring, ready to leap to safety at a moment’s notice.

The clear answer was ‘no’, but it was not given verbally. Instead, he drew a sword—why did always I get the weirdos?! I sprinted away as fast as I could, taking big leaps, bigger than I usually would because they tended to attract attention. At this point I did not care anymore. Some lunatic with a sword was after me and the last thing I had in mind there was subtlety. At least the years in Paris had taught me how to lose someone when they were chasing me.

When I arrived home after half an hour of running around the entire town, the damned wallet still in my bag, I swore to myself to not go out and play Robin Hood again until I had not gathered more intel on creepy sword guy.

The few things he had said and the fact that he had drawn a sword at least let me conclude one thing with absolute certainty: He either was human and knew or he was one of them. After all, what were the chances that he was neither and both? Someone like me? Zero, I would say. Because as far as I was concerned, only I was that unfortunate.