#rob them blind

[drmajalis]

If you have been thinking of modding your 3ds, DO NOT UPDATE IT.

It's likely that the homebrew team will break this new level of security in a few months, but, goddamn it really shows how much Nintendo spites their own players to mod a system they don't even support anymore to make it harder to play games AFTER shutting down the eshop.

Fuck Nintendo, pirate all of their games, don't give them a fucking cent.

[goldfish-afterhours]

ROB THEM BLIND - ONE

— Home // Genshin Impact Bank Robbery AU

“Welcome to Minlin Bank. How may I help you today?”

As the line shuffled forward slowly, Lumine felt her throat becoming tighter and tighter; the note stuffed in her jacket pocket growing heavier and heavier. She was sweating—partly from the thick jacket engulfing her body, its hood flopped to her eyes to obstruct her face—but also because of what she was about to do. 

‘This is a robbery. I am armed—do not think about resisting or alerting anyone. Put all the money in this envelope and you will not be hurt.’

Lumine had scrawled those words on a piece of lined paper last night, ripped straight out of a notepad. Multiple discarded drafts littered her hotel room from all her attempts at obscuring her handwriting. 

“Next! Good morning, sir, welcome to Minlin Bank.”

The person in front of her left for the desk, and Lumine shifted forwards, so she was now the first in line. All of a sudden, she felt very exposed, as if all eyes were on her now that she was at the front of the line. She clenched her fists. I can do this, she told herself. I have to do this. 

“Next!” A cheery clerk waved her over. She looked young, even younger than Lumine, with bright eyes and black hair braided in two loop pigtails. For a moment, Lumine felt dazed. How would her actions affect this young bank teller? Would Lumine be able to sleep soundly tonight, knowing that she had threatened someone so innocent? 

The young lady’s voice broke into Lumine’s thoughts. “Welcome to Minlin Bank. How can I help you today, ma’am?”

Lumine took a shaky breath. Before she could back out, she pulled her hood tighter over her head, plunged her hand into her pocket, and—

“Get on the ground! Get on the ground!” a deep voice bellowed. Gunshots sliced through the air, embedding themselves into the walls like meteors with a sickening bang! Glass shattered, and the poor clerk serving Lumine screamed. 

“Last chance unless you want your head blown off! Get on the ground!” another voice shouted above the chaos of people crying and bodies falling to the floor. 

Lumine felt someone tug at her clothes. “What are you doing? Hurry and get down!” a woman whispered, looking up at her with eyes wide in terror.  

She crumpled the note back into her pocket and dropped down with everyone else. Most people were cowering on the floor with their hands over their heads, but Lumine was bold enough to tilt her head up slightly to catch a glimpse of what was going on. 

There were four—no, five of them. All male, all wearing some sort of mask to hide their face. The man who had shouted first donned a sinister red mask, with bared teeth and horns sprouting out of its head. He was so big he made the machine gun in his hands look tiny. Red tattoos ran down his arms as he tapped the muzzle of his weapon against anyone who held their head too high. Two men leapt over the counters, bags in their hands. A loud thump and the shriek of metal against metal meant they had successfully broken into the tills, and Lumine could hear the rustling of paper as they stuffed the cash into their bags. 

Curiously, there was a man standing at the front entrance of the bank. He had no visible weapons on him, and his arms were crossed. He was clearly not acting as a lookout—his back was to the front doors. Yet he made no effort to subdue or intimidate the people either. He just stood there, watching, white hood shrouding his face. He almost looked like a grim reaper dressed in white. 

“Hey, girlie. You’re holding your head a lil high. Got a death wish?” a playful voice breathed down Lumine’s neck. For a moment, she contemplated turning around and punching him right in the middle of his elaborate crimson mask, but that would surely draw too much attention. Instead, she covered her arms above her head like everyone else, even pretending to tremble. But in reality, her blood was burning through her veins. 

The groan of the counter and the sound of boots hitting the ground alerted Lumine that the robbers had obtained their goal. It was only a matter of minutes now. 

“Okay, okay, you can all get up now,” the man in the red-horned mask said. She craned her neck up to peek from her hood, and several customers were also starting to stir. The loud bang of a gunshot, however, made everyone drop to the floor once again. “Just kidding~ Stay down and count to a thousand. Any person who moves before that gets a bullet in their tongue.” 

‘One, two, three, four…’ Lumine could practically hear everyone counting under their breaths. But if she waited to one thousand with all of them, the criminals would definitely slip away, and she could not let that happen. 

‘Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight…’ At this point, the thundering of boots faded away. The only sounds audible in the bank were heavy breathing and muffled sobs. 

As quietly as she could, Lumine slowly got to her feet, careful not to rustle her jacket. No one paid her any notice. Lightly, she stepped around the shaking bodies on the floor. Shards of broken glass sprayed the counter and floor. Bullet holes decorated the walls and the ceiling; surprisingly, the fish tank in the corner of the room came out unscathed. A bright red goldfish flicked its tail in the water as it changed direction, unconcerned with the violence that had just taken place. 

The police had not yet arrived, but Lumine could hear their sirens in the distance. And if she could hear it, that meant the robbers would hear it soon too. She had to leave, right now. 

Lumine carefully stepped through the giant hole in one of the glass entry doors. The road was deserted, all pedestrians having fled the moment the armed robbery began. 

She shut her eyes. Wind whistled past her ear. She could hear the street lamps humming lowly, a cricket chirping, the soft paws of a cat leaping onto a fence, and—

Heavy boots. 

Lumine’s eyes flew up and she broke into a run to the back of the building, down an alleyway, towards the direction of the sound. The footsteps were soon joined by the low rustles of paper money being jolted against a moving bag. Right before voices became audible, Lumine slowed to a walk, then tiptoeing on the cobblestone walkway.

“...talk too much. You think this is a game?” a voice snapped, his voice dripping with annoyance. 

“What’s wrong with that? I might as well have some fun with it!” 

Lumine pressed her back against the wall, summoning the courage to peer past the corner. Three of the five robbers were walking down the alleyway. A large bag was hoisted over the biggest man’s shoulder, while the ginger-haired man who had threatened Lumine was walking beside him, one hand in his pocket while the other twirled a gun around his finger. The third person with them was unfamiliar; she must have missed him during the chaos. He was much smaller than the other two, but he seemed to be scolding them without any fear, despite the largest man’s bicep being the size of his entire head. 

“C’mon Xiao, let Itto have a little fun with it! What’s the problem?” the ginger-haired man said airly. 

“The problem is he acts like a stupid oaf. Him just being there makes us more likely to get caught,” the one called Xiao retorted.

“Hey, I don’t act stupid!” Itto exclaimed indignantly. “In fact…you act stupid! Stupid!”

As they bickered with each other, Lumine took the chance to creep closer and closer behind them, darting into the next alleyway or behind corners to remain out of sight. They were talking so loudly to each other, she was sure they did not detect that someone was trailing them.

Until her foot hit a pebble. It barely made a sound as it fell back on the cobblestone paths. 

But these robbers were better than she had given them credit for. Xiao immediately stopped in his tracks. “Shut up.”

“No, you shut up!”

“We’re being followed.”

Lumine held her breath, but the footsteps became louder, as if they knew exactly where she was. She waited a few moments—maybe they would dismiss it as their imagination and be back on their way—but they came insistently closer. 

Okay, too close. I have to go, she thought. But before she could even move a muscle, a hand flew between her shoulder and neck, trapping her against the wall. 

“Now, now, what do we have here? Someone trying to play the hero?” The elaborate red mask was now resting against the side of his head, revealing his face. This is never a good sign—it meant he had no fear of her seeing what he looked like, since dead men tell no tales. His voice was playful and smile teasing, but his blue eyes were void of anything, as if they barely registered Lumine in front of him. “Didn’t you hear the big, scary man? You want a bullet in your pretty face that badly?” He leaned closer, but she did not flinch. 

“No,” Lumine responded. “I want compensation.” 

Before the man could respond, she pulled out the crumpled note from her pocket, unfolding it with one hand and shoving it in his face. “I was just about to rob them when you stole my target.”

The man squinted his eyes at the note before scoffing. “So what? You want us to open our bag right now and hand you a stack?”

“Just one stack? Don’t play. I want to talk to your boss. I’ll negotiate with them.” She put the note back in her pocket.

His lips curled into a sneer. “And just why would we let you do that?”

“Because you’re going to want this back, won’t you?” Lumine spun a blue charm around her finger. 

The man seemed to do a double-take. He looked down at his belt, confirming that the blue charm that was hanging from a chain on his belt loop was indeed gone. He looked back at Lumine, no sign of surprise on his face, but she could see that he was now clenching his jaw. 

Lumine winced as the cold metal muzzle of the gun made contact with her cheek. He was still smiling, but any trace of amusement was gone. “Give that back, girlie,” he said smoothly, as if chiding a toddler, “and I promise you’ll still be able to see out of one eye after.” 

Itto, who had been listening quietly behind him the entire time, finally broke his silence. “Hey, wha—? Didn’t Zhongles tell us not to hurt anyone if we can help it? You can’t shoot her just for that, Ajax!” 

“Watch me,” Ajax responded, clicking off the safety of his gun. 

The shortest one who had detected Lumine in the first place tugged at Ajax’s arm, the one holding the gun against her face. “Don’t,” he insisted. “Just bring her to him. He will decide.” 

Ajax’s eyes flicked to glare at Xiao, and for a moment, Lumine thought he was going to turn the gun on him instead. But instead, the ginger-haired man sighed and lowered his arm. 

He stepped away, and Lumine let out a gasp of relief, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. 

Ajax shrugged. “Alright, alright, I can’t argue with my brothers, can I?” he said. “Count yourself lucky, little lady. You just earned yourself an audience with the Guili Assembly’s head.” He shook his head at them, as if they had just convinced him not to buy an ice cream cone instead of murder. “But watch yourself.” His empty eyes flicked back to Lumine, and she had to will herself not to flinch. 

“One wrong move and you’re dead.” 

[dafukdidiwatch]

I'm salty that these guys and the Jaegars can't fancy party

But I'm glad they're having their own fun

[toesuckler]

worlds worst best siblings ever <3

[feroluce]

Not pictured: Aventurine asking Ratio if he remembers where they parked

[starry-bi-sky]

DPXDC Idea: Mother of Monsters Dan(yal)

Specifically Fem!Dan because I made this in mind with my Fem Danyal Au bUT. The best part about Dan is that I get to play dress up with her, and Fem Dark Dany is gonna go by Layal (pronounced lae-el) because it means "the nights" and it sounds similar to Danyal, and I think she'd choose that name to mock Dany. ANYWAYS

Mother of Monsters Danyal. She may be evil but she's an Al Ghul at her core (even with vlad's soul merged with hers - however, considering that Layal looks and sounds like Dany, she considers that soul to be the more dominant one.) and loves animals. And she might be heartless, but she adores the monsters of the infinite realms.

Mother of Monsters Layal who hates everyone but utterly dotes and adores on every manner of beast she comes across. Stealing the eggs and infant young beasts of the Infinite Realms to raise as her own because she wanted them. Her own island full of monsters, a monstrous menagerie of her own. She steals most often from poachers or exotic pet keepers and other menageries -- the full grown beasties can keep their young.

And with every monster she raises, she can shapeshift their features onto herself, allowing her to change her shape from humanish to any matter of monster or hybrid creature. She calls herself their mother, and them her children. Her precious little babies, capable of incredible mass destruction and mayhem.

From little griffins the size of kittens, to stymphalian vulture chicks, and leviathan young hatching from eggs the size of her pinkie, to creatures native of the ghost zone that didn't even have names in the living realm. There really wasn't a limit to what or who she would take in and she didn't limit herself to any form of mythology. If they were beasts and they were unwanted, she wanted them. And as such, amassed her own mini army of "children" willing to listen to her any command.

Earth doesn't know what hit it when she attacks them.

There are many monstrous forms she could take on, the first one I've thought of is a combination of various serpentine/reptilian features. The body of a naga -- her lower half long and serpentine, her upper still human -- with spiked fins connecting from the bottom of her arms to her sides, ever seen Sinbad where Eris goes "you might have seen my likeness on the temple walls" and her arms do that fin thingy? Same concept. Her hands are webbed and taloned, perfect for slicing through the skin of the living, and her teeth are needle-sharp and shark like. Her hair can either be spiny and feathery-like like the spines of a lionfish, or frilled like a frilled-neck lizard. It's perfect for dealing and doting on her reptilian and amphibian-inclined darlings.

I'm more of a fan of aus where Dan is a sibling of Danny's rather than their kid, so Layal's redemption(..?? probation?) proceeds with her legally becoming Danyal's "twin" sister, who had been lost to the foster system before the Fentons adopted Dany, and was only recently reunited with her. The two of them look so alike that the lie is easy to take root and spread.

Layal is very indignant to the fact that she's now ten years in the past and has to restart her menagerie all over again. Do you know how much blood and sweat went into raising those children? How dare you separate them from their mummy. Although she'll admit she does miss their juvenile years, so she won't mind (too much) needing to raising them again. Dany is helping her retrieve all of them though, dammit.

long story short: epic the musical's "Scylla" has a CHOKEHOLD on me and this is the result of it

Unlike her Dan counterpart, Layal's voice is dancing and sirenic. It's purposely alluring and motherly, in order to lure people into a false sense of security until she feeds them to her "children." Echidna doesn't have shit on her. She almost seems friendly and reasonable, until you get too close and realize it was all an act and she drops it to metaphorically swallow you whole. She's like an anglerfish that way. She and Dany both sound like Scylla from Epic.

[beanghostprincess]

I want Lucci to fight the World Government to protect Kaku

Me too,,, Me too,,, There is just something about making Lucci actually, genuinely care about Kaku to the point of facing the thing he has been fighting for in the face and betray it to save Kaku,,, It was an unexpected turn of events in the manga and I am SO happy there is something going on there now.

[legionofpotatoes]

We started a new co-op campaign so I finally made myself a dino-tav. Her name is Gertie

[ghostoffuturespast]

Aconitum

[bespectacled-bookwyrm]

Colress: Um, Grim? W-why are you pretending we're all chummy with Ghetsis?

Grimsley: We need money.

Colress: So you’re scamming him?

Grimsley: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him.

Colress: *who is VERY aware of what the Shadow Triad and Ghetsis are capable of* What? No way.

Grimsley: Why not? We already stole his puppet king.

N: Hi, new uncles.

Colress: No, we didn't. N is a bright young man - he can do whatever he wants.

N: I wanna steal.

Colress: *mortified gasp*

Grimsley: *cackles*

[foreverfandomobsessed]

I'm 100% the crew is going to send the kids a back-to-set list for when they go back to vancouver to start filming season 2

[goldfish-afterhours]

ROB THEM BLIND - WANTED POSTERS OF THE GUILI ASSEMBLY

— Home

Below is what is listed on wanted posters distributed around New Liyue for all known members of the Guili Assembly, in order of most to least wanted. 

The following information are all part of an open investigation, and as such may be subject to change

If you have any information regarding these individuals, please report to the Liyue Qixing for a monetary reward. If you see any of these individuals, DO NOT ENGAGE. CONTACT THE MILLELITH IMMEDIATELY. 

Morax

Wanted: Dead or Alive for robbery, criminal conspiracy 

Priority: Extremely high 

Adult Asian male in his mid to late 20s, around 6 feet tall and 160 pounds, dark brown hair. 

The mastermind behind the Guili Assembly. However, little is really known about him 

Frequently seen wearing a long white hooded coat with black sleeves that obscures his face.

Nothing is known about his real name, occupation, or past criminal record

During robbery, he can usually be seen standing near the front entrance, giving orders to the others and acting as a lookout 

Has not been spotted with a gun, but the Millelith still strongly advise against approaching him 

Tartaglia

Wanted: Dead for armed robbery, criminal conspiracy, aggravated assault, first-degree murder 

Priority: Extremely High 

Real name Ajax. Adult Russian male, 22 years old, 6 feet tall and 185 pounds, short ginger hair. Wears a red mask during robberies. 

The vanguard of the Guili Assembly. Usually one of the first ones to enter the bank at the beginning of the robbery. 

The most successful graduate of the former Childe Program run by the Millelith Brigade. Highly trained and proficient in all areas of martial arts, weaponry, and espionage. 

Extremely dangerous. Civilians are not to approach him under any circumstance.

Note to bounty hunters: It is highly advised to shoot on sight, as capturing him alive has been deemed impossible. 

Alatus 

Wanted: Dead or Alive for armed robbery, criminal conspiracy, aggravated assault, burglary, second-degree murder

Priority: High 

Asian male in his late teens or early 20s, around 5 feet 2 inches and 110 pounds, chin-length teal hair. Wears a deep-green nuo mask during robberies. Has a green tattoo of a bird on his right arm. 

Nothing is known about his real name or occupation.

Former burglar with partner Barbatos. Alatus was originally arrested for the second-degree murder of a man whose house he was robbing, however he escaped from custody before his trial and has been on the run ever since. Barbatos was not found at the scene and is still missing. 

Note to bounty hunters: Alatus is extremely nimble. It is advised to immobilize him first before capturing him. 

Arataki Itto

Wanted: Alive for armed robbery, criminal conspiracy, aggravated assault, vagrancy, theft 

Priority: High

Adult Japanese male, 24 years old, 6 feet 4 inches and 220 pounds, waist-length white hair, red eyes. Wears a red oni mask during robberies. 

Has been arrested in the past for minor crimes but was bailed out each time by his sister

Witnesses report he has a tendency to say his full name during robberies

Has robbed banks alone before joining the Guili Assembly 

Note to bounty hunters: When caught, please inquire about the Pokemon cards Arataki Itto stole, as they will be returned to the boy he stole them from 

Skirmisher

Wanted: Alive for armed robbery, criminal conspiracy, aggravated assault, theft 

Priority: Medium 

Asian male in his late teens or early 20s, around 5 feet 4 inches and 120 pounds, short indigo hair, blue eyes, handsome in appearance. Wears a red mushi no tareginu with a black cloth that obscures his face. 

His face has been caught on security cameras multiple times. He usually appears alone or with Fixer a few hours before the Guili Assembly robs the bank, so it is assumed he is a scout. 

There are multiple files of a boy wanted for theft and aggravated assault who matches his description. 

Fixer 

Wanted: Alive for armed robbery, criminal conspiracy, aggravated assault 

Priority: Medium 

Adult male of mixed-Asian descent in his early to mid 20s, around 6 feet tall and 160 pounds, blond hair tied in a ponytail. Wears a black metal mask with horns during robberies. 

Nothing is known about his real name, occupation, or past criminal record. 

Usually appears alone or with Skirmisher a few hours before the Guili Assembly robs the bank, so it is assumed he is a scout. He does not wear his usual black metal mask while scouting, but wears a regular black face mask instead. 

Nicknamed ‘Fixer’ by a security guard who witnessed him covering for his crewmates’ mistakes. 

According to a witness, he was very polite, using ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when asking him to get on the floor. 

[eebie]

least favourite animal?

mosquitos are the answer that most people go for so i’ll say the proboscis monkeys. those things are freaks!!! have you seen the photos of them. there’s a reason that they’re usually cropped to be above waist-level ….. it’s funny but i dislike tjem because i found this out at school with several people looking over my shoulder at my screen

[sarellathesphinx]

Constantly torn between genuinely loving the remake timeline’s depiction of Reeve and Cait and being immensely sad that pretty much all of my favorite lines of theirs from the original were totally excised or bc of plot developments will never be said

[feroluce]

So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and

a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and

b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!

I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!

It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.

Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).

These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.

I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕

[steelwoolcardigan]

Just some self canon stuff once more

*My Tav donates to the refugees, then plays them a song.*

Gale: How considerate of you!

Astarion: Ugh, why do you have to be so nice?

Wyll: Perhaps we could give them some more supplies.

Lae'zel: tsk'va!

Karlach: You're awesome soldier!

Shadowheart: You're bleeding heart will be the end of us.

*Tav proceeding to pickpocket the shit out of everyone afterwards. Even innocent bystanders.*

(partial) Rest then repeat