#rizico

[conziergearch]

From :     helen.sharpe@nhs.net To :     max.goodwin@namc.com, @rizico​ Subject :     Biopsy results

Dear Max,

I am probably the last person you want to receive an e-mail from.   I know I could have written you sooner,   or maybe called.   I think about you and Luna every day …   I can’t even talk to Lauren without having to pretend.   And please don’t be upset with her ——   I didn’t know how to do this on my own,   didn’t know how to not miss you.   Or Luna.

Dr. Gellar forwarded me your biopsy results,  Max.   Please message me as soon as you’re available for a phone call ?   I wanted to call Elizabeth when you didn’t pick up earlier ...   but,  knowing you ——   knowing that you would rather drag your drip all across New Amsterdam than sit still for just an hour ——   you probably have not told her.   And I don’t think I have the right to be upset that you didn’t tell me,  either,   not after everything I put you through.   But I’m worried about you.   I want nothing more than to hear your voice and have you tell me I’m misinterpreting these results.   That there’s no reason for me to pack my bag and come visit you.

You’re my best friend.   Or you were my best friend,   and so much more than that.   I don’t know what else to say other than that I’m thinking of you,  constantly,   and I haven’t not thought about you and everything you mean to me since leaving.   How can I help ?

With love, Helen

[trustsarchive]

☤  INTERACTION  ✭  STARTER CALL.

5x09 + 5x10 BASED.

STATUS:   open.

“i told you,  i don’t need any actual days off,”   entitled to bereavement or not,  that seems excessive...  lauren would much rather work between getting everything in order.  someone has to be the responsible one.  it’s an odd reversal of roles as she leads @rizico​ on a speedy and wild path around the ED with a near frantic energy.   

finally she stops,  arms crossing over her chest as she stares him down,   “i’ll step out for a few hours to take care of things and come back.  seriously,  i don’t get why everyone’s acting like this is such a huge deal,”   maybe...  well,  maybe lauren’s just in denial,  or shock,  or something.  maybe that’s why she can’t slow down:  because then it’ll hit her,  along with all the feelings she has no interest in addressing right now.

[thedamfam]

☤ THREAD ☤ CONTINUED ☤

𝐇𝐄𝐑          𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘          𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒          𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇          own          skin          .          her          presence            infects            beating            heart.             her             smile             paints             happiness             within             chest             ,             eyes             lost             beneath             sparkles             of             her             gaze.             digits             intertwined             with             hers             as             one             hand             is             gently             lifted             up             in             the             air             ,             allowing             lips             to             draw             map             of             tiny             kisses             down             thin             knuckles.                    ❛                    mmh          ,          𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒          𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎          𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝          𝑚𝑒          ?                      ❜            

❛                    that’s          great          because          i          was          thinking          ,          maybe            we            could            𝚐𝚎𝚝            𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢            𝚏𝚘𝚛            𝚝𝚑𝚎            𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍            ? ❜ features          hidden            within            safe            space            of            her            neck            ,            breathing            in            ,            her            scent            that            fills            nostrils            &            travels            up            to            his            brain            feels            like            an            addiction            (            a            𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒            𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑟            mind            urges            to            escape            to            each            time            the            world            is            too            heavy            to            hold            ).                    ❛                    just          𝔶𝔬𝔲          &          𝔪𝔢          _          &          harrison’s          infectious          disease          .     .     .          what          do          you          say          ?                    ❜

@rizico's lips against her knuckles... it prompts a joy-filled laugh as her adoring gaze lingers. god, max goodwin is so many things. he's exasperating, exhausting, he never slows down... but he's also kind, and smart, and charming, and so so good. he's so good.

he can be frustrating, absolutely, but georgia adores him. she can't stop loving him, and doesn't think she ever could — because those very things that frustrate her are an essential part of who he is. an essential part of why she loves him.

"mhmm, i'm gonna keep you. convenient seeing as i just finished unpacking the last of your things today, isn't it?"

"some time away sounds great, actually," georgia hums, nodding as she entwines her fingers with his, her free arm draped over his shoulder, head resting against his. "but i'm thinking... hmm, i'm thinking we leave harrison's infectious disease behind. weekend getaways aren't quite as relaxing with a third wheel,"

[trustschaos]

i don't currently have words, but i'm truly so thankful for this show and lauren in particular. i've never connected so deeply with a fictional character (which, given my history, is really saying something). i've never cherished a character through every single arc they've had the way i've cherished lauren. i've never had a character help me heal in the way lauren has, or to see myself as a human worthy of love and forgiveness and having an actual life filled with people who care about me in the way lauren has. i've made the most incredible friends through my adoration of lauren, i really have, and i'll never forget the ways this show has changed my life.

a big ol' shoutout to the damfam ( @fatalelity / @colnerys, @rizico, & @conzierge ) for becoming so fucking important to me over the last two years.

a big ol' shoutout to everyone who's come to love lauren through me, because that's the greatest compliment i could earn with a character who means so very much to me.

and a big ol' shoutout for all the stories to come.

thank you, my friends, thank you new amsterdam, and thank you lauren bloom <3

[gavehope-a]

@rizico​   ❀   semi-plotted starter

“oh max,  hey!”   both tone and smile are bright as she steps out of the daycare,  gigi already content  —  if not thrilled  —  to be able to spend time with her friends.  speaking of which...  “i’ve gotta say,  luna’s pretty popular in the nevin-hawkins household,  gigi wouldn’t stop talking my ear off about how great her newest friend is.”   hands rest on her hips as she laughs,   “i had to resort to an ice cream bribe to get her to go to bed,”  

[ethyreal]

ˊ      ›     starter call     /     @rizico     ,

                 “ did  you  even  breathe  just  then,  max  ? “     you  smother  a  smile,  the  kind  you  have  noticed  tend  to  form  around  him,  as  you  walk  :  max  all  but  skipping  at  your  side,  and  you  roll  your  eyes.     “ i  think  you’ve  had  too  much  coffee  this  morning,  remind  me  to  get  you  decaf  tomorrow. “

[zivotnoosiguranje-blog]

Vrste zivotnog osiguranja: Mjesovita osiguranja zivota Mjesovito classic Mjesovito fiksno Mjesovito dvostruka sigurnost Riziko osiguranja zivota Rizico classic Riziko krediti Stipendijska osiguranja zivota

[jollycomputerkryptonite-blog]

Twas al even geleden dat ik hier iets schreef Ook al antwoord je niet voel t goed aan om mijn gedachten neer te pennen Vansddag kwam ik domweg te weten dat je mijn verleden gebruikt had om mijn eigen moeser tegen mij op te zetten Mijn eerste gedachten waren alsof de laatse paar stenen, die jij om mij opbouwde , er nu volledig wegvielen ....de muur die jij om mij bouwde was eindelijk volledig weer afgebroken ....beter gezegd...mijn liefde voor jou was ingesloten maar sie bleef groeien ook al had ik mij al even vrijgevochten was er nog steeds enkele stukken die niet bij elkaar pasten maar nu paste alles bij heen ....nu begreep de collere van mijn moeder ....ocharme mijn ma oxharme de mensen die mij zo vertrouwden Jij ja jij vertelde dat ik mijn verleden weer opgenomen had tegen mijn mama ja jij loog ertegen terwijl jij beter wist ....terwijl ik jou hetzelfde belofte deed ...ik zou nooit meer die rottigheid nemen en jij wist dat ik dat ook niet meer deed jij wist dat Als ik nog ooit zoiets zou doen verllor ik jou en mijn kinderen ...waarom zou ik dan een rizico nemen om dit dan te doen Waarom ...omdan de liefde van mijn leven te verliezen voor altijd Jij controleerde mij dag in dag uit zelfs ons docter deed dat en zelfs zij vond niks Dus waarom ging je dan zulke zakens vertellen tegen mijn moeder als je wist dat het niet waar was Maar dank je wel voor de leugens die jij verspreide dank je wel Maar ooit komt alles wel uit Maar ik ben niet zoals jij ...ik verdedigde jou en zal dat blijven doen Jij wilt mij weg spijt mij maar ik blijf waar ik ben en zal blijven vechten Ik blijf staan

[conziergearch]

                   regarding the canon divergence.   she should have never let max in.   it’s a mistake,   not because she doesn’t love him ――   she’s never been more sure of anything in her life.   but the timing is never right.   between the threat of him getting his custody over luna revoked,  sending mina off to attend cambridge across the pond,   and seeing her mother cough up blood,   it’s a mistake made out of insecurity.   everything seems fragile,   and max …   he doesn’t.   he radiates a comforting chaos in which every reluctant doubt is drowned out.   but she knows the moment she opens the door to him panting and staring at her :   she cannot let him in and not break his heart.   several days pass between her return from london and the night she spends with max ;   days during which she mulls the decision to leave over and over and over.   lauren knows of her doubts and the urge to change something back home.   it isn’t a decision to makes lightly,   and it isn’t a decision she makes just for herself :   there’s a wound in her chest,   has been there as long as she can remember.   she wants a child,   she’s wanted a child since she was young ――   but something tells her that as long as she has that gaping injury pouring blood from her rib cage,   the same she sees on her mother’s breast every time she looks at her,   she’ll hand it down to whatever life she attempts to grow.

and so it unfolds ;   she apologises.   no apology has ever come more reluctantly over her lips than the one uttered to max in the aftermath of a kiss that shouldn’t have taken place.   the relationship ends before it even begins.   she knows that a long distance relationship would just ruin them both.   she’d pull him down with her ――   and new amsterdam needs max,   in just that way she doesn’t.

she keeps in contact with lauren,   avoiding max as though that could make the heartache easier.   when she returns to spend the night with her friends and suffers a massive stroke as a result of being drugged,   the cracks under her feet become a downward spiral.   for months,   she struggles to get even the simplest sentences out.   no ifs,  ands,  or buts.   the life she’s attempted to build back in london slips out of her hands :   she goes into rehab,   withdraws even further from anyone she knows,   and the ground she’s laid to heal the relationship to her mother gets chapped.   her recovery takes her well into season five,   but there are moments in which she finally allows herself to think about max,  and about luna.   but when she reaches out …   he’s distant.   there’s a lump in his neck.   the words unlock a fear inside her chest that she’s almost successfully made herself forget about :   she returns,   becomes his doctor.   and it’s back to the beginning,  isn’t it ?   this time,   she won’t run when her heart begins stumbling again.

affiliated .     rizico,   max goodwin.     trustschaos,   lauren bloom.     fatalelity,   addison montgomery.   therxsistance,   elizabeth wilder.

                      🖤  this for me to come plot something with you.

[trustsarchive]

AUNTIE LAUREN!!!!

UNPROMPTED,   always accepting.

maybe she should’ve learned some lesson by now.   maybe lauren should’ve realized that lying to the people you love can only end in disaster after everything with leyla had imploded and she’d been left trying to pull herself together in the aftermath.  ha,  it really is true what they say about how those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it,  isn’t it?

first she notices the sound of tiny feet,  then the feel of the cushion next to her shifting as little sounds indicate the effort involved in adjusting to sit facing the right way,  and finally the warmth of small fingers brushing hair behind her ear so those sweet eyes can look into hers.  the words that follow are perfectly in line with the way luna’s treated her since she’d showed up only an hour ago.

"auntie, lauwen, you can sleep in my bed."   gaze drifts from luna to @rizico​ standing nearby,  and back to the three-year-old   ❪  god,  how is she already three?  but at the same time...  kind beyond her years  ❫.

the absolute earnest gentleness in the girl’s gaze is what causes lauren’s jaw to tremble as tears well in her eyes.  there’s no way in hell she deserves this    there’s no damn way this level of kindness is anything remotely resembling anything lauren deserves after the shit she’d pulled.  again.

if anything,  festering in her misery seems fitting...  and even then,  it seems only to be a start.

eyes squeeze shut as every fiber of her being fights off a full-fledged sob,  a watery smile flashed weakly in the direction of luna.  

“you know what?  that...  that’s so sweet of you,”   lauren draws in a sharp breath and exhales slowly,  hoping it’ll provide a few extra seconds of steel  —  but it doesn’t,  and her voice breaks as she continues,   “but i...  i need to let you have your own bed,  auntie lauren will be just fine right here,”

[trustsarchive]

☤   STARTER CALL.

“okay,  you’re acting even weirder than usual,”   arms cross over her chest,  brow lifting as she looks @rizico​ up and down,  “are you gonna fire half the hospital again,  or...?”

[conziergearch]

a semi-plotted starter   ―   @rizico​

                    desperation manifests most harshly in the absence of touch :   fabric crumples between his side and her trembling hands,   fingers hold onto the tasbih like a lifeline meant of keeping him afloat.   and it pours out of her,   all the air she’s collected in her lungs,   in shattered breaths that she muffles despite their inability to wake him.   part of her has stopped believing in the future that she once chased.   mohammad’s death,   her diagnosis…   max made her feel something,   reminded her of the woman she wanted to be as a child.   but she failed.   as cassian’s partner,   as mina’s guardian,   as lauren’s friend,   as max’s doctor.   the chasm between her fingertips and his limp hand grows bigger the more she thinks about what it could have meant if she’d lost him.   how much can a person lose?   how much of herself is still left after all this failure?

muscles twitch when he stirs,   eyes attempting to catch his ――   but his head lulls and only when a subtle twinge creeps up her palms,  helen realises the sheer force with which she presses her nails into her skin.     “ can you see? ”

[ethyreal]

which  unpopular  archetype  are  you  ?

the  omen,     blood  pours  from  you  easier  than  most  people.  wherever  you  go,  you’ll  be  watched.  children  will  learn  fear  from  you.  the  people  you  love  will  be  scared  to  witness.  they’ll  shut  their  ears  and  put  you  away  and  once  you’re  gone,  you’ll  be  hollowed  until  all  that  remains  is  the  message.  you  were  always  the  first  sign  of  what  was  to  come.  in  time,  people  will  forget  you  were  even  a  person.  yours  is  a  silent epilogue.  if  you  are  saved,  it  will  be  out  of  the  spotlight.  you’re  more  than  your  baggage,  omen     . . .     personality  :  wise,  selfless,  pessimistic     /     counterpart  :  the  taken.

the  loyal,     it’s  a  good  thing  you’re  so  patient.  you  know  what  it’s  like  to  feel  the  full  weight  of  doubt  bearing  down  in  you.  for  years,  it  tried  to  squeeze  the  life  from  your  lungs  but  nothing’s  going  to  make  you  bow.  you  kept  the  candle’s  flame  alive.  you  whispered  the  names  at  nightfall.  the  vigil  still  lives  inside  of  you.  one  day,  the  waiting  will  have  been  worth  it.  all  your  love  is  going  to  come  home  to  you.  you’re  more  important  than  you  know.  you’re  still  the  one  true  believer     . . .     personality  :  calm,  level-headed,  stubborn     /     counterpart  :  the  accomplice.

the  killer,     you  got  fucked  up  something  awful.  sorry.  i  don’t  know  why  or  when  it  got  so  bad  for  you,  but  now  that  heat  feels  so  true  to  you  that  it’s  hard  to  imagine  a  you  without  it.  there’s  nothing  grand  about  the  damage  you  do.  it  isn’t  the  kind  that  people  write  stories  about.  for  this  reason,  it’ll  be  a  while  before  anyone  stops  you,  if  they  ever  come  around  to  it.  it’s  all  the  more  likely  that  you’ll  have  to  dig  your  own  way  out  of  this  pit.  one  day  you  won’t  even  remember  how  blood  tasted.  the  rage  won’t  keep  you  warm  forever,  killer  !     . . .     personality  :  intense,  introspective,  edgy     /     counterpart  :  the  dark  horse.

the  loyal,     it’s  a  good  thing  you’re  so  patient.  you  know  what  it’s  like  to  feel  the  full  weight  of  doubt  bearing  down  in  you.  for  years,  it  tried  to  squeeze  the  life  from  your  lungs  but  nothing’s  going  to  make  you  bow.  you  kept  the  candle’s  flame  alive.  you  whispered  the  names  at  nightfall.  the  vigil  still  lives  inside  of  you.  one  day,  the  waiting  will  have  been  worth  it.  all  your  love  is  going  to  come  home  to  you.  you’re  more  important  than  you  know.  you’re  still  the  one  true  believer     . . .     personality  :  calm,  level-headed,  stubborn     /     counterpart  :  the  accomplice.

the  higher  power,     you’re  the  best,  you’ve  always  been  the  best,  and  now  everyone  who’s  ever  doubted  you  is  gone.  you’ve  gotten  everything  you  wanted.  you  smoked  all  your  competition.  but  something  inside  of  you  just  won’t  settle.  all  the  evil  of  the  world  is  still  out  there,  all  the  big  problems  that  you  never  got  around  to.  in  spite  of  your  skill,  this  is  something  you  simply  can’t  handle  yourself.  but  that’s  ok.  you’ve  got  new,  shiny  pawns  to  play  with.  you  know  how  to  make  people  do  what  you  want.  the  ends  justify  the  means,  right  ?     . . .     personality  :  talented,  calculating,  overbearing     /     counterpart  :  the  ghost.

stole  from  myself,     tagging  :  @conzierge​,  @srvial​,  @murkyhazed​,  @rizico​,  @nineprowls​,  @plnkladies​,  @forgries​,  @huntcriminals​,  @brockbiote​,  @revyrie​,  @weathrs​  +  anyone  who  wants  to  do  it,  take  it,  it’s  yours.