trustschaos

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anyway things have been nuts and tumblr is blocked here but as soon as i can get my vpn back i’ll be around hehe

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i get internet tomorrow (i hope) then it's zanza comeback hours

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lynn and i are menaces so direckt exists and everything'll get prettied when i feel like it

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LAUREN + 2.08 / 2.09

themes of: ABANDONMENT / ISOLATION / LONELINESS / BETRAYAL

don't reblog, please!

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some lil lauren art i started last night bc i missed her

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we don’t have to like our patients,  but we do have to take care of them,  because whoever they are…  they’re sick and in pain,  and it’s our job to deal with it.   sometimes,  yes,  it is so hard,  but not many people get a chance to make a difference.   A GOOD NURSE CAN.

⋆˚✿˖° GAVEHOPE,   a canon divergent NIC NEVIN of the resident,   by zanza.

est. october 2021 ✿ revamped april 2024

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✭ INTERACTION ✩ STARTER CALL  ✭

@rawbutprecious / l. shinwari.

"okay, settle something for me," bag drops by the door, a grin on her lips as she glances over her shoulder at her girlfriend, "is it totally biased to say you were super badass today or is that just plain old fact?"

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✭ INTERACTION ✩ STARTER CALL  ✭

@clawsextended / s. kyle.

"y'know," she begins, letting it hang in the air for a long moment before continuing, "i'm like... the resident queen of bullshit, so i'm pretty damn good at clocking when someone's bullshitting me,"

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✭ INTERACTION ✩ STARTER CALL  ✭

@lunawish / m. bloom.

"okay, listen," there's a smile on her face even as she crouches ❪ to the best of her ability ❫ in order to look mallory in the eye, "i just don't know if it's the best time to adopt another animal, baby,"

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✭ INTERACTION ✩ STARTER CALL  ✭

@popgunloaded / h. quinn.

"okay, you wanna tell me again what happened?" a hand's held up to indicate that's not the entire question, "just... a little more to the point this time, maybe?"

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✭ INTERACTION ✩ STARTER CALL  ✭

@bartletsellie / e. bartlet

"i'm not gonna lie," arms cross as she leans against the wall, "you look like you're having a worse day than i am... which is sayin' something,"

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hit the heart and specify muse if you’re a multi, and i’ll toss a thing your way!

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hit the heart and specify muse if you’re a multi, and i’ll toss a thing your way!

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✭ WHAT TYPE OF TRAPPED IN THE NARRATIVE ARE YOU?

TORMENTED. steadfast, noble, dedicated. too much trust too much nobility too much. the words continue over and over and over, they wash over you like waves on the sand. you’re tormented, the author, the fates, your own self, they keep you here. you could leave. you could, but you don’t. you stay. because you know nothing else, this is what you were born to do, and isn’t that what you always wanted? to do what everyone wanted for you?

tagged by: stole it from @neveragcd tagging: you!

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1.16  &  2.10   vs.   4.14

this is just me furthering my argument that l*yla was truly toxic for lauren because in every other situation where she was faced with ‘getting better’ she was eager to admit that she wanted and deserved to,  but l*yla treats her so badly that she won’t even admit that anymore.  

she got better so she could help.  she helped a woman who needed help,  fell in love with her,  and did something dumb for fear of not having anyone…  because all she had otherwise was the desire to help,  something she articulates regularly.  

she tried to help  —  both the woman she loved and herself  —  and it made things better…  until it didn’t.  until l*yla found out and made lauren feel like a truly awful person for doing all she could to hold onto one of the only people who’d really chosen her through,  in part,  implying that lauren didn’t actually love her and was trying to ‘own her’.  then just leaving and ignoring her.  

then l*yla flips and tells lauren she has to stay,  using the job that had turned her against lauren as a sort of manipulation to keep her around.  because she was ‘needed’.  when for weeks?  months?  idk however long it was beforehand?  she was told the very opposite.  that she wasn’t needed,  nor was she wanted.

so,  if one person could take lauren from ‘i really want to get better,  i really want to help people’ to ‘nah i have to help people because it’s been so solidly reinforced that all i’m good for is helping people and it doesn’t matter what i want or need’,  then that person is absolutely NOT good for her,  no matter what lauren did or didn’t do.

DON’T REBLOG.

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✭ RANDOM DIALOGUE PROMPTS ✩ accepting ✭

｡･:*˚:✧｡ @chernayavidua said: "you look... amazing."

if there's one thing lauren bloom isn't... it's comfortable with compliments. okay, there are plenty of things she's not, but the compliments thing might top the list. it comes damn close, at the very least. maybe one day it'll be a different story, but for now...? for now, things are what they are, and the idea of making any changes on that front is one that's deeply uncomfortable. so she doesn't. so she won't.

she plasters a half-hearted smile on her face that years of growing up in the house that she had managed to perfect. of course, jeanie was hardly known for her skills of observation, vanessa had been so young, and her dad was always on the receiving end of the smiles so real and so wide that they'd hurt... so maybe she'd perfected it for those circumstances and only those circumstances.

shaking all that off, she offers a simple response — one that she hopes with shift the attention off herself, "okay, but have you looked in a mirror lately...? cuz you always look amazing,"

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