#rivamika asks

[onigiri-dorkk]

Hi I'm new to the fandom and not gonna lie for a long time I was confused about why would anyone ship Rivamika because it always seemed like Levi was barely aware of Mikasa and Mikasa hated Levi or disliked him. I started reading the manga last week and I'm honestly surprised by how little changes made a huge different. WIT always made it seem like Mikasa didn't care about anyone other than Ereh and I believe they are the reason why everyone makes fun of Mikasa for being obsessed. I genuinely thought "I love her but she's very ungrateful and rude sometimes, their strongest soldier hurt his ankle when they needed him the most because of her and all she cared about is Ereh" but it's not like that in the manga. She actually feels guilty and responsible which is a great panel to show how character development. A 3 seconds scene would do so much good to Mikasa's character but WIT somehow didn't want to include that scene. Even in S3 it seemed like they would like to keep them apart and don't let them interact even though there was a huge reveal about them. And I think it's not only WIT. Even Isayama himself is almost afraid to let them interact and I'm not talking about shipping here. Imagine finding out that someone experienced the same things as you did, have this weird mysterious power thing going on and that person is your Captain whom you made it clear that you trust and respect now. It's crazy to me that they don't even talk and compare their experiences etc???? Again, it's not even about shipping, it pisse me off because it feels like Mikasa isn't allowed to have anything of her own, the reason why Mikasa ships aren't popular isn't because she's not loved, it's because Isayama, WIT and even Mappa didn't let her have many meaningful interactions. Hell, even with Armin (they are supposed to be a trio) it sometimes feel like they were just hanging out for Eren. Ughhh they could at least let Mikasa have Ackermans for her own. She could interact more with Levi and even with Kenny for a sec. So disappointing :(

Wow!! Anon, welcome to the fandom and thanks for sending this! I never get asks and it’s always exciting 😂 We’re glad you’re here!

The “I didn’t get how people shipped rivamika” thing is common tbh, don’t worry! I was on that train too until I stopped to think about everything implied between the lines—most of it being in the manga, as you said. I know people say things like we ‘grasp at straws’ but there is realistically fantastic depth we can assume from their closeness as comrades alone. The magic of Rivamika as a ship is it takes more deep knowledge of the characters to understand why it WORKS so well. And when you get it, gosh, it’s amazing!

We definitely agree too, that WIT cut such crucial scenes to Mikasa’s character. I will never understand their choices… And I’ll forever grieve it 😭 That scene of self-reflection and guilt over Levi’s injury/absence is important because it’s the first time she finally thought outside of her tunnel vision of Eren. Ultimately, she learns to care about what happens to others as a result of her actions, which quite literally starts with Levi.

I also agree, it seems like Yams started the Ackerman reveal + arc but decided midway not to commit to it or develop it. It explained their strength, but that was it. It’s strange that even in the anime they chose not to explain that Ackerman’s are Titan DNA hybrids. That seems like a crucial piece but I wonder why they didn’t think it was important. Because then the whole “Ackerman’s are immune to x and x” has no narrative proof at all.

I like to think Ackertalk happened behind the scenes. I like reading everyone’s versions of it—but always a shame we never got that in canon. It’s even strange because they both lost their entire families, so finding out you’re from the same people should at least create a sense of bonding or they’d take on a slightly familial role, or SOMETHING. (Though I’m glad it didn’t go that route because people would REALLY think they’re cOuSiNs lol) But it’s just strange Yams introduced these things that ended up really having not much purpose, or none at all. (Don’t get me started on the Azumabito shit)

I still hope and manifest for some sort of Ackerman spin off that explores this. Can you imagine? Levi and Mikasa (the cash cows of AOT, we say!) venturing off post-war to discover more about the Ackerman’s? Or to retrace and find surviving Ackerman’s outside the world?

[nuri148]

Hi, can I ask something? What do you think are Levi and Mikasa's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Since when that you start shipping them? What is your fav (canon) rivamika moments? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

P.s

Thanks for sharing your fics and for this blog of yours. Also, thanks to you, I start shipping Rivamika. See, I love Mikasa so much but I really dislike Eremika and can not understand that ship at all (don't mean anything negative to Eremika shippers). I'm okay with Armin/Mikasa & Jean/Mikasa, but I don't love those ships that much. Until I found your blog, read your fics and fall in love with Rivamika! Sorry for my rambling....

First things first, I’m so so sorry for taking so so long to reply!!! 🥺I’ve been quite busy lately irl and your ask calls for a proper answer. I think Levi is the least judgeamental character in AoT. This is in a virtuous circle with his kindness and selflessness, where those three qualities feed each other back . He’s kind and He’s a good judge of character, he’s practical, obviously he’s strong, both physically and spiritually. His resilience is extraordinary, after all he’s been through, he has not succumbed to rage, revenge, envy… Eren went through a smidgen of a fraction of what Levidis, and he decimated mankind for it. If Levi’s virtues are a bit hidden behind his gruff exterior, his weaknesses are there for all to see (is this a fault in itself?). He can be rude, he expreses anger and frustration in a violent manner—which is a result of his upbringing, granted, but still makes him look unapproachable. This can be good when facing your enemies as a soldier, but can isolate him from meaningful human connections too. I’m veering on hc terrain here, but for all his empathy he also strikes me as someone who’d be much less compassive/forgiving when it’s about “first world problems”. Annie killed his squad? No hard feelings, child soldier, all that jazz; you berate the waiter because he messed up your order? You’re dead to him. I’ve mentioned this before somewhere, but we have an idiom in my country for people who, like Levi, are not cut for polite social events, and its to be “coarse as a plough”, which is funny bc Ackerman means ploughman.

Mikasa is also strong af, and she pairs that with a calm demeanor… unless her loved ones are threatened ofc. In fact, I think Mikasa’s weaknesses are mostly her virtues going overboard: she has a fierce protective instinct, which is good up to a point but it becomes a problem  when she lets that override her judgement, like in the female titan arc. She’s determined, but that turns into stubborness. She’s loyal, but that loyalty turned into paralysis in the case of Eren; not only when it came to having to stop him, but also regarding her crush on him, which she probably wasn’t fully conscious of, hence her surprise and awkwardness when he asked her “what am I to you”.

I’m not sure at what point I started shipping rm; I do remember fretting when he was revealed to be an Ackerman, for fear that they could turn to be family, because I was already rooting for them. I guess I was initially attracted to the idea of the power couple, being the two most badass characters in the series. But I also like how she blooms under his guidance. He could have easily dismissed or bashed her for her protectiveness of Eren, but he teaches her to curb that zeal and keep it as a goal, not a trigger; he lends her his trust and allows her to become his right hand in battle. She in turn, despite her initial enmity towards him because of his display in Eren’s trial, is able to recognize Levi’s kindness and appreciate his leadership. He treats her not like a weapon, not like a silly girl, but like a full human being. Perhaps Mikasa is the one who most shows her fear of losing her loved ones, and that’s certainly something Levi knows about. Neither of them have time or energy for BS. It’s canon Mikasa wishes for a peaceful life like the one she had with her parents, and Levi to me exudes huge “I’m too old for this shit” energy (like jjk Nanami, another husbando) so I can picture them spending their afternoons in domestic bliss, fixing things around the house, tending to the garden, rather than going to town. He can give her reassurance and She could provide him with the family life he never had.

They’re both hot af, too. 😆 Imagine that Ackerpower in the bedroom...

In the end though, like in real life, it doesn’t matter much why you like it… You just do, and it makes you happy, and it hurts no one, so it’s fine!

Awww idk if being thankful or sorry that you started shipping rm because of me! 😅 Our ship is one of the most misunderstood of the fandom, and from time to time we get hate from antis, eruris and/or eremikas. But because of who they are, what they’ve been through and what they want, I think they make for beautiful fics where their relationship helps them fix themselves, rather than fixing each other. This is something that often comes up in the rm discord, how our fave fics are usually post-canon and about building a healthy relationship based on respect, rather than all the drama and toxicity of classic romance lit. (ofc we also enjoy a good old pwp… though you’ll still find a lot of established-relationship porn and porn-with-feelings fics.)

Thank you so much for your ask, and sorry again for the delay!

[lenok993]

I've just realised one thing or get insight wow i'm slowpoke Mikasa was crying during serumbowl scene right? That means her tears were falling on Levi maybe even on Levi's face. Isayama didn't draw it, WIT didn't animate this detail. But thanks to Newton's law of universal gravitation it's fact

I'M

[nickbn26]

Rivamika? Rivamikaaaa? 🥺

Ultimamente estou chateada com algumas coisas relacionadas a isso, engraçado como pessoas chatas conseguem te fazer desanimar. Ou talvez eu esteja dando uma desculpa esfarrapada porque estou procrastinando com as milhares de wips deles ???? Haha inclusive estava tentando fazer algo um dia desses.

De qualquer forma tudo que eu faço relacionado a RM eu estou achando feio, como se eu não soubesse mais desenhar eles ?? Isso é esquisito! Eu acho que eu cheguei a comentar da minha última obsessão, aquele shipp consumiu um ano inteiro meu, eu estava delirante e fervendo............................e quando eu finalmente me acalmei eu voltei a ficar muito interessada em KkSk e atualmente não consigo parar de desenhar eles 😅

Mas juro, eu estou fazendo algo para Rivamika e eu realmente vou postar agora nesses dias, mas só porque estou com tanta raiva dos haters e quero incomoda-los. Claro, também porque RM são meus amores e sinto saudades deles heheh

[cryinginthebackseat]

man, i love your levimika fics so much. thank you for writing and sharing them and i'd be completely game for that spotify playlist, if the offer still stands! have the best day!

Hello! Oh my god, thank you so much, nony. I'm so glad to hear you love the fics 🥺🥺 that means a lot to hear. And about the playlist, sure thing! Just mind you, I haven't really updated the playlist for months now so listen at your own discretion lol

Thank you again and I hope your day is as amazing as you🥺🥺

[brightboisterousbananas]

This is one of the messages I got in my ask box in regards to my Levi/Mikasa Fic.

I crossed out the name because I don’t believe turning around and hurting someone in return is good practice.

Disagreeing respectfully is challenging and I will share this with you now to show you exactly who I am:

To the person who sent me this: I wish you well. I wish you good luck and good fortune. I wish you happiness and peace. May you receive all your heart yearns for, and may you never want for anything. May all your paths be even and may you be surrounded by loved ones for as long as you live.

[onwriting-hrarby]

are you still active?

I've been stressed to death this week while editing, and I still have 20 pages to go, so: ASK BOX OPEN!!!!

Any headcanons you want to entertain? Any thoughts on my plots? Any comment of my fics? Anything you want to ask at all?

[a-slut-for-smut]

Levi looked so angry and disappointed when Hange pulled Mikasa off his crotch during the serum fight. Dude looked ready to jizz in his pants had Hange not cock-blocked him. Probably thinks about her ass and pussy rubbing against penis every night he lays down and pulls out his dick out. Though nothing compares to the weight of Mikasa on top of him.

LOL damn anon you did not pull back any punches with this ask did you 😲😆

Funny you bring it up tho because ive def mentioned this in previous shitposts (timestamped for proof hehe), so it seems us slu*tty geniuses think alike 😁

i mean honestly, look at the above snapshot/panel and what would the first thing you would think???

but yes, if you expand the panel its "supposedly" Levi trying to prevent Mikasa from killing a bitch Floch, but i dont know if i really buy it because who would in their right mind would want to save Floch lol

anyway in conclusion i detect no lies in this post whatsoever, just the gossip truth 🙌

[bryhaven]

Can we start a Game? I will give u a few words or a Situation and u Write a Little Story, fanfic , conversation about it or give me your thoughts How the Situation will goes in?

Levi as a dad : How would he react if his son would bring a girl home and How would it be if his daughter would bring a boy? Give us also mikasas POV..

Sorry for the late reply, anon, and thanks for the tag, @levi4mikasa!

I also received the same ask in my inbox, so I'll be answering it from here 😌

I may have some other things that are slightly different from @chaosisbeauty23's and @nuri148's headcanons. But it still revolves around the fact that Levi and Mikasa are protective and watchful parents to their kids regarding partners.

Levi and Mikasa when their son brings home a girl

●Levi isn't particularly a friendly sight to behold. But since it's a girl they're meeting, he won't be acting like an ass because he is respectful of women. And a young woman around that age will likely trigger his protective side.

●Levi will be quiet and let Mikasa do most of the talking and interrogation. But he will still keep an observant eye and will only talk when necessary.

●Levi will indeed make sure that his son is treating the girl right, that his son keeps to curfews and protects the girl, and such. In fact, during the meet up, he will more often glance to his son to make sure he wouldn't misbehave or so.

●Mikasa is the one who will be very welcoming, given her motherly instincts and she will make sure the girl feels comfortable, during meet ups and things like that.

●Mikasa will remind the girl that that's just how Levi looks and that she shouldn't feel too intimidated.

●Mikasa indeed will find Levi's ways amusing since he struggles with manners and such himself and she will tease him about it, but find it endearing.

●Both parents will remind their son about consent, protection, responsibility, and things like that. But it is Levi who will often reiterate it. Because of his clean freak side, and yes, because he'll want his son to be better than he ever will be (because of his self-deprecating behaviors) and he wouldn't want any other woman to suffer fates similar to his own mom's (because again of his respect towards women).

Levi and Mikasa when their daughter brings home a boy

●When it comes to this, I can see Levi being overprotective. Yes, very overprotective.

●Levi will have his favorite knife or dagger sharpened beforehand, ready to attack. I mean this mostly in a comical way but I can see Levi being protective of his daughter to this level. He won't hesitate taking it out if the situation calls for it is what I'm implying.

●Mikasa and their daughter will warn Levi beforehand to not be an ass in front of the boy during the meetup. But he will still glare daggers (with matching crossed arms) at the boy the entire time and their daughter will just sigh in defeat about it.

●This time Levi is the one who is interrogating because only a proper and perfect boy deserves his little girl.

●Mikasa has to calm Levi down a number of times because of this. And she will always try to make the boy comfortable as well, and remind him that Levi is just that protective.

●Levi will set down rules for the boy to follow, for example, curfew. If they're even a minute late, they can expect to see Levi with a long wooden stick in hand, glaring while waiting at the front door.

●Levi will make sure indeed that he has taught his daughter all the attack and defense tactics in the world, but that doesn't diminish his overprotectiveness.

●Levi will indeed let Mikasa handle the talk to the girl this time, given that Mikasa knows about all the girl stuff involved. But he will remind his daughter that she can punch the boy whenever.

●Mikasa will remind Levi that he helped raise and taught their daughter a great deal and that he should trust her enough in this matter.

●But when the boy finally earns Levi's trust, it will be definitely worth it.

I've said before in my Ackerbaby headcanons that I can see Mikasa being the more lenient one, especially when the kids are younger but a bit more strict when they're older. But she wants their kids to experience living their own choices, and they will always be her kids whatever happens.

Levi is the more strict and protective, especially when the kids are younger but a bit more lenient when they're older. And even though he wants them to be responsible for their own choices, they will always be his kids and ultimately, he'd rather have them hate him for not letting them have their choice, if only to ensure their safety.

[your-lavender-dreams]

YouTube Music created a selection of songs I listened to the most in the different seasons of 2022, and omg it’s so easy to track my obsession this way:) I tend to imagine a scene or a dance to almost every song I’m listening to, and of course, it’s always related to the characters I’m obsessing over at this moment.

So, my winter favorite:

🎶 Starset - My Demons

For me, it’s really the theme song for Rivamika (and the melody also fits so well for fighting scenes). Like, just look at the lyrics:

Take me high and I’ll sing

You make everything okay

We are one and the same

You take all of the pain away

… and this part: 💔

I need your help, I can’t fight this forever

I know you’re watching, I can feel you out there

My spring favorite:

🎶 Sia - Unstoppable

No words needed, it’s just a perfect song to describe Mikasa. I feel like almost every line suits her character so much.

My summer favorite:

🎶 Dua Lipa - Physical

Idk I just got very caught up in a few lines of this song, and I think they are kinda perfect to describe Levi and Mikasa’s dynamic:

Common love isn’t for us

We created something phenomenal

I think they really did, because their dynamic is just on another level 😭

And my autumn favorite:

🎶 Sam Smith & Kim Petras - Unholy

Not much to say in particular, just a good music to practice different dance styles (and dancing is quite a big part of my life, so yeah).

But we can all imagine Mikasa trying to make a surprise for Levi’s birthday by doing a dance to this song. And while she would be dancing, he would need to sit on the chair (maybe with his hands tied up behind his back) and she would be doing some very unholy things with her gorgeous hips and long legs (and the dance should totally end with her dancing on his lap, driving him absolutely crazy) 😏

[onigiri-dorkk]

Hey! I loved your content and the recent post

Somehow I can’t comment under the post so I decided to write here)

Hope I am not too inappropriate )

You know when I think of Mikasa’s lack of character development … I remember Sarah Connor. You know the Sarah Connor from the 1984 Terminator movie.

For me Sarah starts as a cliche girl in trouble who actually at first hates the man that saves her life again and and again. But then Sarah grows. She learns. She feels and starts to care. And we start caring about her. She develops so much that we absolutely believe that a man can fall in love with just her photo. A good man who wills to sacrifice himself not only for her for - you know - for the sake of humanity. A good man who she is loyal to for many years later and we don’t judge her because well he was the one. The kind of hero that actually sacrificed himself (not the fake leg and the rest of the world) but himself just because it was the right thing to do. The man not very likeable at first sight, the man of few words.

Oh if only poor Mikasa could meet someone like that . Oh, wait?

And by the way. In the Terminator 2 Sarah tells Kyle (when sees his ghost) this: “Stay with me”. Such an iconic love story.

Wait is there a line like that in AOT ?)))

Hello hello @foxandcakes!!! Welcome to the fandom and we're so glad you're here!! This isn't inappropriate at all -- sorry you couldn't respond to the post for some reason but thanks for reaching me here <3

Honestly, I have to rewatch The Terminator (it has been YEARS) but that sounds like what we wanted for Mikasa! If Yams was committed to writing a good, developed romance arc into the story he should have committed to giving individual Mikasa growth, no matter who she ended up w. We should see her motivations, self-conflict, inner thoughts change and transform for the better as a result of her love for Eren. That is the creme de la creme for any story -- you go through the journey of seeing this character transform, and that transformation is what makes plot points matter to a reader. The reason why you feel connected to Sarah Connor is likely because she was given a personal arc, showing who she is and her motivations, and it makes you invested in her growth...

It's a general agreement that Mikasa didn't fully get this, and it's why people's opinions on her are so polarized -- you either love her/how she's written while dismissing the failure of her character writing, or you loathe her because of the failure of her writing. I've been fascinated with our rivamika fandom because it seems like we tend to view her in that middle/balanced lens -- we're extremely disappointed with her writing, but adore her for the potential arc she could have had, and we enjoy that in our own writings and such.

Anyway, I guess that's a huge tangent LOL but basically, it would've been really fuckin cool to have this main female Character A who is unendingly in love with Character B, and that this love is all she knows, until she meets Character C (Levi!!! Or SOMEONE honestly!!) who shows her a powerful example of what real, genuine and healthy love is which would TOTALLY shift and transform her entire idea of what love even is; that the infatuated young love she experienced with Character B doesn't even compare to with Character C, and they grow because of that. There are a ton of fantastic stories with this type of arc! Instead, we get Character A pining over Character B to the very end, no matter how badly he treated her... It's just strange. It's cliche, it's honestly not a great example, it paints yet another image of a a man being able to treat a woman like crap for years but still has her devout love and loyalty anyway... I know the general fandom accepts and even enjoys this, so to each their own, but it's not my cup of tea and I wish we got more for Mikasa. And Levi.

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ANYWAY

I wouldn't have known that Terminator has the "Stay with me" line!!! EEEEEEE that's amazing! Thanks for the fun comparison! I'll have to rewatch soon :)

For now, we'll continue to enjoy our quality fandom content. <3 The dissatisfaction just makes our fics and head canons even better. Cheers!! And congrats on finding the gem ship that is Rivamika <3333

[nuri148]

Hi, new mutual, I've recently been getting more into Rivamika, and I was wondering if you had any fic recommendations, preferably angst :) I actually recently started reading your fic, Clarity, so you'll probs be seeing a comment from me soon-ish on AO3, haha. I'm really loving it thus far!

Hi! And welcome to our lovely ship! Rivamika tends to get an unfair amount of hate so we are a very supportive community and take care of our own like Levi would.

Idk about angst (I enjoy it but It's not something I actively search) but either angsty, fluffy, smutty and/or funny, I'm proud to say we have a lot of wonderful writers around us! l can personally vouch for anything by our queen chaosisbeauty23; also onigiridorkk has lovely fics, esp. Microcosmos, The Perfect Brew and 104th's Top Cadet; MoraLeeWright is like the Shakepeare of Rivamika. My fave by her is Just until the Storm is Gone, and The Song Remains the Same is one of the most original rm fics I've read. Alienheartattack has a plethora of one-shots, my fave being To You, 20 Years From Now (and To All Of Us, From 2000 Years Ago, but that's not rivamika).

If I may interest you in some ongoing fics, hrarby's For You is definitely in the angsty side. She's got a beautiful prose, too. Also angsty is Byhimawari's Languishing. Agentwarbarbie's The Shadow of the Prince is a great royalty AU that'll have you holding your breath.

The Broken Doll is a masterpiece of platonic Levi/Mikasa; last but not least, if you really wanna bawl, Beloved Mother is a heart-gutting Levi centric, non-ship fic.

Last but not least, I'm absolutely chuffed you're enjoying Clarity! You can check the tag #clarity tea house for all the meta that I posted while I was still writing, as well as extras and related stuff.

Thank you SO much for this ask! You made my day! 🥰

PS- ETA: I totally forgot one of my favourites, Surviving Peace by die-forllex!

[warbarbie]

It’s the “why are you giving up on me” part that really hits the Rivamika vibe for me.

Lmao... even that I know the lyrics of Mikasa's song is about you know who, my brain can't help itself but make it Rivamika (from Mikasa's pov of course...)

I blame this line: Don’t you want to stay with me? (As you said before lol)

Anyway... I better wait for the translation of the Japanese part... XD

(help me pls!!!! Everything I see, listen or watch I make it Rivamika...)

[nickbn26]

do you still intend to draw rivamika ??

Sim. Tenho uma pasta cheia de rascunhos que pretendo terminar em algum momento!

[byhimawari]

“Chamomile”

(a RivaMika drabble)

“Captain?”

Really, fate could be so cruel. And he only calls it fate because given how comedically instantaneous this all happened – ‘this all’ being that he, her damn superior, was caught red handed pathetically slipping an envelope of his proclaimed feelings under her door like some lovesick teenager – it’s as though it was simply meant to be. Add in the fact that since that cursed letter is already in her room, he can’t take back the evidence of his humiliation.

But ever the stubborn type refusing to accept he’s embarrassed — because Captain Levi never gets embarrassed; no, not him — he plays it cool.

“Ackerman.”

“What are you doing here?” She asks, her tone a bit more surprised than curious, much to his relief.

“Hall monitoring,” his sarcasm a mask to hide any hint of suspicion, “What are you even doing out at the halls right now? It’s past curfew, you’re supposed to be in bed —“

“What did you just slide under my door?”

And like a fleeting bubble, the relief is gone. Of course it is. It’s Mikasa. Nothing ever comes easy with her, especially not the predicaments he puts himself in.

It’s when she raises a dubious brow that Levi knows he’s lost, that no matter what direction this conversation goes, Mikasa is inevitably going to see the envelope and read it. He obviously can’t take or ask for it back — because if he’s going to lose the whole battle, may he at least keep some dignity — so facing the music is his final card.

Though his mask stoic, he chooses to speak with honesty.

“A letter.”

“A letter?”

“Yes,” his heart races and it beats at his ear drums, but his voice is firm with resolve, “Read it thoroughly. Good night.”

“But — “

“I said good night, Ackerman.”

He feels her gaze on his back as he walks away, and when he turns the corner that, hears her door shut, the click of her lock an echo. By the time he reaches his quarters, she’s sure to have finished reading the letter. Levi tries to block off any possible reaction she may have, not wanting the picture the best in case it comes to the worse.

But still her smile creeps in.

Levi closes his door and approaches his desk, needing to keep himself productive before he’s consumed by the image of Mikasa finishing his letter with what he hopes is the same smile that keeps fighting to stay in his mind.

But on his desk is something that wasn’t there when he left. A small box. Inside the box are transparent mesh tea bags, a blend of tea leaves carefully sealed in each, its aroma herbaceous and floral. But it is what’s under the box that captures his eye: a folded paper. He unfolds it. It’s a letter.

—

Dear Captain,

I promise this is not a prank.

In fact, this is very hard for me to say, which I guess is why I’m writing to you in a letter.

I’m starting to fall in love with you. Actually, I think I already am. I miss you when you’re gone and I’m happy when you’re around, even if you’re grumpy and annoying. You make me feel complete, a feeling I believed no longer existed for me.

I know you’re my captain and that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I really don’t know when this happened. Or how. Or even why my heart chooses you despite it all. All I know is in this world of chaos, you are my calm.

And I hope when we next see each other, you’ll let me be yours.

Sincerely,

Mikasa

P.S. Chamomile is good for sleep.

—

He reads it, again and again. He even folds and unfolds the letter just to see if the words remained the same, if what he read is real.

Chamomile tea is good for sleep. Levi looks back at the box of teabags, each beautifully and intentionally handcrafted with care, with him and his poor sleeping habits in mind. Him in her mind.

Just how often does she look at him?

While his insomniac nature is no mystery to anyone in the Scouts, there’s this warmth in her gesture, this thoughtfulness that makes the act feel more than a result of mere observation. And as much as he’d hate to admit, he can’t deny the pull in his heart at the fact that this is the same stubborn brat who picks fights with him like a hobby – endearingly-so now to some degree, enough for him to write a damn confessional – that cares enough to individually tie bags of dried and diced chamomile leaves to help his with his sleep, gifted together with a letter of love…

A heartbeat thuds in his ear and his throat. His breath hitches softly as he looks back at the letter, entranced by Mikasa’s words that quite literally tell him she loves him, the tea a symbol of it. And if she read his letter, which he’s absolutely certain she did, she now knows that he does too.

And that realization alone is enough to tug at the corner of his lips, a rare smile that he’s not trying to hide for once, a smile reserved only for her. Levi’s never felt so elated. They’re in love with each other, now without any doubt, and it feels like a damn victory.

He has to see her.

But first…

—

Mikasa looks at the envelope in her hands, her name neatly scripted on the front with his distinctive handwriting. She doesn’t know what’s more incredible: that her captain just slipped a letter under her door or the fact that she literally returned from doing the very same. Albeit, she left hers by sneaking into his office to place it on his desk while knowing he’s out on night watch. Fortunately, she didn’t get caught.

And the only reason she didn’t get caught was because Levi, unbeknownst to her, was at her door.

Her heart races nervously as she rips open the envelope, pulling out the neatly folded paper.

—

Mikasa,

As I write this letter, I’m inconvenienced with emotions that words often struggle to convey. It’s not always easy to articulate what’s in my heart, but I feel it is essential to share these thoughts with you.

You’re a gloomy brat. Through and through. But it’s the way you carry yourself with grace and integrity, even in the face of challenges that made me fall for you in more ways than one.

And in this cruel life where tomorrow is not promised, I don’t want to live nor die with the regret that I’ve never told you that I love you.

Thank you for being who you are — stubborn, gloomy, and endlessly captivating.

Yours, regardless of not if you’ll have me.

Levi

—

The entirety of his letter was nearly overlooked with that pretentious closure of his, almost scoffing at his audacity. Of course he’d never miss the opportunity to make it clear that everything will always be his way.

Yet, it’s that very audacity that warms her cheeks and curves her lips, the kind that unleashes the butterfly-like flutters in her chest and tells her that this is the ‘calm’ she sought for from him all this time.

Her words and his, both hand delivered, a request…

In this world of chaos, you are my calm. And I hope when we next see each other, you’ll let me be yours.

… and an answer.

Yours, regardless or not if you’ll have me.

—

The smile on her face grows, her eyes softening into admiration and something like relief. His answer had already been ready for her, long before she dropped off hers.

He loves her. He *loves* her. A profound emotion overwhelms her, like that of a lost hope reincarnating into something that tells her she’s actually worth loving. And as she reads over the letter once more, the warmth in her heart and the glisten in her eyes reassure her that she is.

There’s a knock on her door, startling her out of her trance. Figuring it must be important for someone to see her at this hour, she quickly settles the letter down on her desk. She makes her way to her door and opens it…just to see the very man who, per his words, is already hers.

“I figured you’d still be awake.”

She still feels the heat in her cheeks from his letter, and now standing face to face with him knowing exactly how he feels about her, and him knowing exactly how she feels about him, she can’t help but feel bashful.

“Did you need something, Captain?”

He answers with movement, holding out a cup of tea to her, one that she didn’t even realize he was holding this whole time, the steam filling the space between them with its soothing and familiar aroma. Very familiar.

Chamomile.

Chamomile.

Mikasa’s eyes widen slightly in surprise as she gazes at the cup, realizing what it really is.

“Is that–”

“For you? Yes,” he answers simply, though his expression is softer than she’s ever seen it.

He extends the cup to her and she holds it with both hands, gazing down at it with the same confusion but surprise. It hits her then, the actual answer she was seeking, seeing now with certainty that this is indeed from the tea bags she made for him. And by realizing this, it’s clear he did see her gift…and her letter.

“Chamomile is good for sleep.”

A soft hitch of her breath escapes her. Verbatim are those words from her confession, a question written in a form of a sentence in which he alas answered. His voice is quiet but the words are loud, chiming in with this expression on his face, softer than she’s ever seen it, that tells her she got what she wanted.

But did she really? Is he really accepting her love for him? He’s beating around the bush here, his words so far all suggestive but not definite. But then, as though he just read her mind – something he’s frustratingly quite good at – he leans in, distracting her from all her unsureness.

“Yours,” he whispers tenderly, leaving no room for doubt, followed by a fleeting touch of his lips on her cheek, chaste and light as a feather, yet heavy on the promise that he was, is, and will always be, hers.

Just like he wrote.

“Now go to bed, brat, before I write you up for breaking curfew,” he says sternly as he pulls away, but there’s no bite to his tone, the familiarity of their banter turn love language making it all the more comfortable between them. .

Mikasa can’t help but respond in turn, a small smile on her face, “Not for sneaking into your office?”

“Don’t tempt me,” he replies with a short scoff, and like a warm blanket draped around her, he then gives a soft smile of his own, a rarity in itself, “Good night, Mikasa.”

With that, he leaves her be, and she retreats back into her room, sitting down on bed with the cup still warm in her hands. It’s when she takes a small sip that at last unveils the big smile on her face that she can no longer mask. And with every giddy sip she takes, each flowing through her system like a rush, she realizes that perhaps chamomile isn’t so good for sleep after all.

[onwriting-hrarby]

a dreadful night (coming soon)

She was wearing a long, green dress. It glimmered under the moonlight, already up in the sky, and the torches that Jean and Eren had considered a good idea to illuminate the beach rested dimly in the night. Levi saw her seating on the sand, a bottle of wine in her hands and the bouquet at the other.

today is a dreadful night writing day!

i'm too tired to write rotten judgement, but i still want to immerse myself into a story. i hope i can update the story before the rivamika month passes (and more themes are revealed).

however, by now the stories features:

week 1 - free theme (actors)

week 2 - marriage

week 3 - modern au

and then i'll be able to catch up, too!