#rip creator credits though I only have the pictures

[sunset-peril]

I'm in love with myself at the moment

I had been looking desperately for a character design that I had purchased in 2019. I had deleted all my accounts and stuff from that time, so I was not going to be able to recover this design if it wasn't on my computer or in my Google Drive

Well, not only did I find the design I had been looking desperately for in a Drive folder called "Extras", but I found a ton of other character designs that I'd had around that same timeframe.

I love me.

[spiderlily-w1tch-blog]

𝙽𝚊𝚛𝚊 𝚂𝚑𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚞 - 𝙰𝙱𝙾 𝙿𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚒𝚌 𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝕎𝕀𝕊ℙ𝕊𝕀𝕄ℙ𝕊

— — —

ft Claiming|Mating, ft sex ed; Demonstration, teacher/student|age gap, fingering, nipple play, size difference, belly bulge, knotting

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: I do not own Naruto or its characters, all credit goes to its creators and actors

WC: 4,225

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: includes underage(16), Omegaverse, very slight mention of Blood, No use of Y/n, 2nd Person POV, obligatory exhibitionism/public sex warning (Series Warning)

𝔐𝔦𝔫𝔦 𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢: Shikamaru is aged up to about the age he is in Boruto(and a couple others of the Konoha 13 are mentioned to be older too), the students are anonymous so they can be pictured as the New Gen kids or just random peeps, whichever floats your boat, oh and Temari doesn’t exist here lol or at least they never got together

【Ｍａｓｔｅｒｌｉｓｔ】

— — —

“Make sure you’re all paying attention, got it? Otherwise, you’ll stay incompetent little Alphas your entire lives if you don’t learn.” Shikamaru Sensei announced to the class from behind you, sitting in his chair with you on his lap, legs spread open wide, hanging over the armrests.

You figure you would have been more embarrassed by your position if you weren’t so caught up in the Sensei’s pheromones. You felt his arm reach to the front of your body and spread your lower lips to show off your glistening, slicked-up cunt.

You’re a student of his friend, Kiba Sensei, who teaches older kids, old enough to have already presented, whereas Shikamaru Sensei teaches kids right about or just younger than the age to present. They reached the sex ed portion of the curriculum and he said he needed an assistant, vaguely remembering that your friend, an Alpha, was requested as an assistant for Naruto Sensei, the Omega course instructor. Another of your classmates, a Beta, was requested to help with the same course for the Betas and possibly again for an overarching lesson.

This wasn’t quite what you had in mind but you couldn’t get yourself to care, this felt too much like heaven for that.

You gasped at the sensation of his fingers on your slit, even if just the edges. The rough pads of his fingers felt amazing against your sensitive skin. At the rate things were going you wouldn’t have been surprised if he triggered your heat.

“You see how her pussy is dripping?” He called out, receiving a couple of vacant nods as all attention was solely on your naked form, “That’s called Slick. It’s a natural lubricant that every Omega produces. It indicates arousal and makes the process of mating easier for everyone involved. If you’re lucky enough to have a big ass fuckin’ knot, you might have to add more lubricant.” He drawls on, clearly not happy he has to actually be teaching these kids how to properly fuck an Omega, though he was clearly slipping in a hint of subtle bragging with a silent ‘like me’ in his statement.

“Uh, Sensei?” A hand flew up from the second row, the only female Alpha there it seemed, “What about male Omegas? Do they have both like Female Alphas?” She asked, fidgeting nervously.

“Yes.” He sighed, having assumed that was common knowledge, “Instead of having testicles behind their little cocklettes, they have pussies. It generally looks pretty similar down there for Female Alphas and Male Omegas apart from proportions, since Female Alphas, such as yourself, have internal testes. Moving on.” His voice was firm and left no room for argument, wanting to just get through the lesson.

“This right here,” he slid one hand up and stroked two fingers over your clit before spreading them just enough to frame your already swollen bud. The feeling made your body tighten up and your head to be thrown back onto his shoulder as a moan was ripped from you at the sudden movement, “is the clit.” He smirked at your reaction and teasingly nosed at your cheek.

“As you can see, it causes massive amount of pleasure for our pretty little Omega, here. It’s extremely sensitive so even the slightest touch can affect her,” he emphasized his point by simply moving his middle finger to gently caress it in slow, tight circles. Your back arched and your hands gripped the chair’s arms, your little Omega claws digging in and scratching lines into them while your feet flexed and your toes curled.

“Holy shit…” One of his students muttered, his voice heavy with arousal. You whimpered when he moved his finger away from your clit again.

“Please…“ You whimpered out, grinding your hips the slightest bit against his cock, barely restrained in his pants. He moved his finger away from your whole cunt, and to the juncture of your thigh and pelvis, which drew another, more needy whimper and whine from your throat as you started to grind your hips more desperately.

“See that? You do it right and you can make your Omega just as needy as she would be in heat. So even if you haven’t given her anything from your dick, she’s already basically cock drunk.” He drawled, though he was clearly proud of himself. “And you brats obviously know what tits are. If you didn’t I’d wonder how you even made it this far.” He muttered and got a soft airy giggle from you which he smirked at.

“If you do your job right and you knock her up with pups,” he punctuated his point with suddenly plunging 2 fingers into your awaiting cunt and made you cry out at the unexpected pleasure and arch your back while his other hand slid up your body to grasp at your breast, “then these pretty tits will fill with milk in preparation for the pups.” His hand shifted from groping you to pinching your nipple and lightly tugging. You became a mewling, whining mess and your body couldn’t decide whether it wanted to arch your chest into his warm palm or buck into the hand with 2 of his big Alpha fingers moving inside your pretty pussy.

“And how do you ensure you get your good little Omega to carry your pups?” He asked whether it was meant to be rhetorical or not, you weren’t sure but he answered in lieu of his students anyhow, “You knot her. You fill her with cum and her fertile little Omega cunt will be plugged up full and she’ll get nice and round with pups. If you do it right.” He growled out lowly at his students, practically convinced they’d be incompetent Alphas for one reason or another. He slowly dragged his fingers back and forth in your pussy and smirked at the lewd squelching of your slick. The Alpha made your back arch with a jolt once again when he scissored his fingers inside you and spread your puffy lips and let even more slick rush out of you and drip onto his pants and down to the chair he had you spread out over.

“Now, to make sure that you get it and actually learn this shit, I’ll be giving you a live demonstration.” Shikamaru Sensei spoke with a bored expression but his scent betrayed his true feelings of excitement to fuck your tight little Omega pussy. Your little virgin pussy, well, not so virgin anymore, but still untouched by a real cock, only ever your toys for your heats. The arousal in his scent served to cloud your mind even more with your own horniness rivaling even your heat at that point.

“Ready, ‘Mega?” His deep gravelly voice was right next to your ear as his lips brushed the shell of it, his hot breath fanning against your face. It sent shivers down your spine and arousal to spike directly in your core where his fingers still slowly moved in you. You whimpered out a hum of approval and shifted your hips in his lap once again. “I need words, Princess.” He spoke like a soft command though it still held just as much authority.

“Yesss..!” You hissed through the torturous pleasure of his devastatingly slow pace. A low rumbling emanated from his chest, a pleased sound, as he nosed at your cheek to silently show his delight for your answer.

“Good girl…” He rumbled and removed his finger from your slit, earning a displeased whine that he simply snickered at. Shikamaru Sensei slid his hands under your thighs and unhooked them from the chair’s arms and patted your hip to signal for you to stand. You obliged on shaky legs and almost lost your footing before he caught you with steady hands as he stood. “Careful. Can you make it to the desk, Omega?” He asked in a flat tone but you could tell he was actually concerned. You nodded with conviction and made your way, still on shaky legs, to his desk that he had cleared off before the lesson started and leaned your bare ass against it, waiting for the Alpha’s instruction.

He had a pleased smirk and a satisfied rumble when he saw how obedient you were being. Such a good Omega, waiting for your Alpha to give his command. It had his already hard cock stirring in his pants. He advanced like a predator to their prey and stood in front of you, back straight to showcase his height and how much larger he was than you. Instinctively, you bowed your head and tilted it to the side enough to bear your scent gland to him, ready for him to sink his teeth into and claim you. The realization gave you pause for only a moment and you corrected your stance to simply show your submission to the large Alpha. Another pleased sound left him, though this one was more throaty.

“Good girl.” He purred and moved his large hands to your hips to help you hop up onto his desk. Your bare ass and cunt made contact with the cool surface and made you shiver. “All of you.” Shikamaru barely turned his head to address his students with a harsh commanding voice, “Come up closer so you can see. Everyone, sit in the first rows and watch carefully because this will be the only demonstration today. Depending on the other groups, you might get a chance for another demonstration but don’t count on it.”

You glanced at the pups when the shuffling sounds started but a hand guided your face to look back at the Alpha in front of you and then returned to your waist. There was a faint spark of reassurance in his eyes as he blinked slowly at you which you returned after a moment, silently assuring him you were ready and completely willing. A tiny smirk tugged at his lips before he schooled his expression and slid his hands up from your waist, gently cupping your tits for a moment and tweaking your nipples as his deft fingers passed over them. A small chirp left your lips at the feeling and his hands settled on your shoulders to gently push you back to lay on his desk.

You followed his silent command and let him move your pliant body in whatever ways he needed to. Consciously, he shifted your leg closest to the pups to rest over the front of his desk, perpendicular to your body to expose your dripping cunt to them before he lifted your other leg to plant your foot on the surface for the moment. He stepped back not even a foot, still keeping himself close enough to adhere to your Omegan instincts— your neediness that grew more and more for him the longer he went on— to tug at the waistband of his pants. Finally, with a small sigh of relief from him, he freed his aching cock that bobbed up from its confinement and hit his toned and tender stomach with an audible ‘plap’ from his pre-cum coated tip.

The sight of his cock, a bit longer than he is thick, sent another wave of arousal gushing from your cunt that clenched around nothing. Seeing the effect he had on you, he didn’t hide his smirk from you as he tugged his pants down to rest around his thick thighs. He stepped closer to you again and rolled his hips to slide his member through your glistening pussy lips. The foot he had set on his desk was lifted and your knee rested in the crook of his elbow, spreading you further for him.

“See what happens when such a pretty little Omega sees a suitable, worthy Alpha? When she sees a nice big Alpha cock? She knows how good she’ll be bred. How good she’ll be knotted.” He stated, though it seemed to be more about boasting than truly teaching them a lesson at that point. Nonetheless, he pressed forward and grabbed the base of his cock to slide his tip through your folds. Instantly your head fell back with a ‘thunk’ when his fat tip glided through your slick and over your swollen clit.

Shikamaru let loose a low rumble deep in his chest at the feeling and grabbed the meat of your thigh that rested in his hold as he pushed forward once again. His cock finally pushed past the soaked, twitching ring of muscle and into your tight, wet heat. You both groaned at the feeling and he stopped himself from pushing all the way in. He had to remember that even though you’re an Omega, that your body was made for this, you were still so much smaller than him. He had to let you get used to his size, Kami knew it would be more than worth it. Your body tensed up when he initially entered and your hole quivered around him. Far sooner than he had assumed, you mewled a needy whine and shifted your hips as much as you could with the position you were in.

He had only put in a couple of inches to let you adjust but that proved to be not enough. You needed more. Shikamaru happily complied and slowly began sliding more of his thick cock into your greedy little hole. You hummed, pleased, and shifted your hips up to meet him until his hips were flush with yours. When you felt the barely-there swell at the base of his cock you shuddered with pleasure and bore your neck to him.

His Alpha preened at your show of submission and even more at the simple fact that he was properly pleasing an Omega. His Omega. His good little Omega who was being so pliant and obedient. A swell of pride bloomed in his chest with a rumbling growl that sent shocks down to your cunt and a shiver up your spine. Your body quivered around him and sent him into action. Shikamaru pulled his hips back slowly and steadily and snapped right back into you.

“Fuck, Omega…” He grunted, reveling in the way your cunt clung to his length, the tightness that wrapped around him. The gravelly tone of his voice appealed to your instincts in a way no Alpha had before. Though, to be fair, the only Alphas outside your family you’d been around were your classmates and Kami knew none of them were even close to as mature as the Shadow User. Your own Sensei was a good runner-up but something about the Alpha who was thrusting inside of you just adhered to your wants and instincts just right.

“You hear those pretty little noises? Fuck- Those cute little fuckin’ whines and whimpers? That’s how you know you’re doing it right.” Shikamaru— still a Sensei— remarked to his students, a near feral smirk on his face, especially when he glanced out the corner of his eye at them and saw the looks on their faces. The enamor and want on their faces called to the Alpha so thoroughly that he couldn’t help but lean even further into his instincts. He couldn’t help but feel pride and possessiveness over you so strongly that he hunched his body over yours to shield you from their wanting gazes.

He thrust wildly into you and let the rest of the world fall away, the only thing that mattered was you and how you felt wrapped around his cock. How you felt clenching around him. How you would feel spasming around his knot. He wanted to knot you. He wanted to breed you. He wanted to mate you.

In the midst of his thrusts, you felt a thrum of deep-seated yearning and need rush through you, stronger than it was before. Suddenly, you felt your body heating up and new waves of slick gushed out around his cock.

“Oh, fuck, Omega…” Shikamaru grunted, his hips stuttering for only a moment before he was reinvigorated and jackhammered into you with a new energy. “Feelin’ so fuckin’ good that she went into heat. Her body and her instincts picked up on a prime candidate for her Alpha and are fuckin’ calling out for me, for my knot.” He spoke, only partially even thinking about his students.

“Pl.. Please, Alpha..!” You whined, bearing your neck and clawing at his shoulders. A low growl escaped him and he hummed, satisfied with a smirk that curled his lips to show off his fangs, shiny with his drool as he looked at the completely untouched spot on your neck just begging for his bite.

“You want my knot? You want my bite? Huh? You wanna be mine, ‘Mega?” His tone was teasing but he also knew that you still had enough of your wits to answer honestly.

“Yes! Please, Alpha, want it! Want your knot! Wanna be yours! Wanna be your good Omega! Mate me! Breed me! Alpha!” Your heat fuzzed your mind just enough that you didn’t have the capacity to think about lying so you were more compelled to just spout what was truly on your mind. His cheeks flushed with heat but his thrusts remained full force and his grip on your thigh and waist tightened. He jolted forward with both his hips and his upper body and when his pelvis pressed flush against yours, he crashed his lips against yours in a bruising kiss. Your lips molded and tongues tangled as he swallowed your moans and met them with pleasured groans of his own.

His cock filled you up so perfectly, his size hitting all the right places and made you feel fuller than you ever had before. Even your heat toys weren’t as big as him. And through messily colliding lips and nearly uncontrollable moans, you communicated that. He swelled with pride and swiveled his head to lead an attack down your jaw and to your neck. As he laid kisses and nips on the span of flesh, your moans increased in volume and octave and your hips thrashed wildly against him. The knot in your lower belly was pulled so tight it felt like it would explode any moment. When he laved his tongue over the crook of your neck, it did.

“Alpha!!” You cried out as your cunt gushed around him and clamped tightly enough that he almost felt like he’d already knotted you.

“Fuuuck, Omega… So fucking tight. So good, such a good fucking girl for me, such a fucking good Omega.” He growled out against your skin and nipped at your neck, aiming to leave a dark mark as if like a precursor. The raven-haired man forced his dick to move through your vice grip and pulled back to slam back in. Again and again. Harder and harder.

“Please- Alpha-! Mate me! Breed me! Pleasepleaseplease-!” Your words slurred together as your little Omega claws dragged over his shoulders, leaving angry red marks that he decidedly would wear with pride. It was the final straw before he would give you a mark you would wear with pride.

With a glance shot at his students, Shikamaru dipped his head down and sunk his teeth into your neck. Right over your scent gland. The metallic taste flooded his mouth like an explosion when it hit. An explosion you shared as you came again. The feeling of his big Alpha fangs sinking into your flesh and the bond snapping into place sent you hurtling over the edge before you even realized you were close. Just as your pussy gushed around his cock for a second time, his knot fully expanded and he bullied it into your tight little hole. While his potent seed filled you to almost bursting, you didn’t register your voice coming out in a pleased cry.

He claimed you. He really claimed you. Your Alpha. Your big strong capable Alpha claimed you and knotted you. His big dick had already made a bulge in your tummy as he pounded into you and crashed into your cervix effortlessly. Then his cum inside you bulged you even more. You nearly looked heavy with pups already. His pups. Your Alpha’s pups. Your Alpha.

Your chest heaved with each heavy breath you took as Shikamaru still rutted his hips into you, plunging his cum that much deeper into your womb. You keened at the feeling and hummed in satisfaction with the feeling of his cum buried inside you, soothing the heat that hadn’t even fully embedded itself yet. Shikamaru Sensei lapped at your new bond mark, soothing the ache and cleaning up the blood. You shivered at the affection and let out a pleased purr that he responded to with a rumble of his own.

“And that’s how it’s fuckin’ done.” He growled proudly at his class, though he didn’t take his eyes off you. He dipped down and pressed another kiss to your lips and you could taste the residual metallic taste in his mouth as he licked into your mouth. “Now, if you want to complete it, which you should always do unless you want to be a piece of crap Alpha, you gotta have your Omega bond you, too. So, how about it, babygirl? You wanna gimme a mark like a good girl? My good girl?” There was a gravelly rumble to his voice that sent sparks down your spine and you shyly nodded. It brought a small smile to his face and he bore his neck to you, showing off the unmarred skin just waiting for a claim on his scent gland. He emitted a musky, undoubtedly mature scent that appealed to and enticed you wholly. It drew you in like a drug that you had no intentions of resisting.

You laved over his skin with little kitten licks and that clearly pleased him if the slight change in his scent and the rumbly purr in his chest was anything to go by. Opening your mouth as wide as you could, you leaned in and bit down as hard as you could to sink your teeth into his flesh, managing to puncture his thick skin with your little Omega fangs after a moment. The bond snapped into place again, wholly this time, and a sense of peace washed over you. You could feel how pleased he was with the outcome through your new bond and happily lapped at your bite that decorated his skin.

“So.. you’re like… really bonded now?” One of the chattier young Alphas-to-be spoke up from where he was fully leaned over the desk beside you.

“Yea. And if you play your cards right, you might be able to bond an Omega, too. Though, that really relies on if you paid attention or not. If not, you’re not gettin’ another demonstration and you’ll be doomed to be an incompetent Alpha for the rest of your days.” Shikamaru spoke lowly, purposely scaring the boy as a tactic to make sure he followed the lessons, particularly the first part of the etiquette lesson. “And yes, I’m aware that I pretty much skipped the main courting part, but this is a special situation. One that you more than likely won’t get to be in, so you make sure you follow that lesson. At the very least don’t be a dick.” He rolled his eyes a bit, though you giggled a bit at the show, able to tell that that’s all it was.

“Good Alpha…” You murmured, still just a touch too hazy to form a proper sentence, as you nosed at his neck. He turned his head back to you and nosed at your temple with a kiss to your cheek.

“I’m gonna be tied to my Omega for a while, so we’ll just continue the spoken portion of the lesson for now.” Your Alpha carefully picked you up and maneuvered you into a comfortable position in his lap as he sat in his chair before his class once again. Exhausted and satisfied, you curled into his chest and just listened to the rumble of his voice as he continued with his lesson.

He kept his arms secured around you and would press the occasional kiss to the top of your head and nosed at your hair to ensure you were still comfortable and came down smoothly. He explained that to the class and brought the atmosphere mostly back down to normal while he spoke about the domestic aspects of caring for an Omega and taking care of a mate. He touched on having a Beta partner but mostly kept explaining how to be a proper Alpha to an Omega.

“So make sure you don’t screw it up. I’ve explained it pretty damn clearly.” That brought a small smile to your face as you let yourself drift off into sleep against the firm, warm chest of your Alpha. You would later hear about when a fellow instructor walked in and saw him not only knotted in you but now mated to you and gave him an exasperated tongue lashing but overall just rolled their eyes at him and carried on. Many of the other Omegas in your class were envious and practically demanded gossip but life remained relatively the same, save for having a wonderful Alpha caring for you and taking every opportunity to dote on you, especially in front of his students.

— — —

𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥:

Crossed out if I can’t tag you for some reason!

@frosch-thefrog @hellsingalucard18

[waywardcrow]

Christmas blues.

Summary: Someone hurt his fairy and Bucky will do everything to fix it and give you the Christmas you deserve.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader.

WC: Almost 2K.

TW: Overprotective Bucky, sad reader because of an abusive ex, Christmas blues, talk about revenge and torture but just mentioned, crying, talk about cheating from reader’s ex and ex best friend, pinning dumbasses, ugly Christmas sweaters and Bucky wearing reindeer ears, kind of drunk writer (aka me), let me know if I missed something.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language, please tell me if I make grammar mistakes.

Part of the Take my hand (wreck my plans) series.

Pictures from pinterest, graphic and dividers by the amazing @ firefly-graphics so all credits to the creators.

Something had happened, Bucky knew it.

You were different after coming home from visiting your parents. They were going on a cruise ship for Christmas so you’ll be spending it at the compound with everybody for the first time.

He could thought it was the perspective of not spending the holidays with your blood family but you were so excited before you left to have Thanksgiving with them, it didn’t make sense.

Every time someone tried to engage you in decorating the tree or bake cookies for the kids, you smiled politely and declined, leaving everyone worried.

“What’s up with fairy?” Sam asked when he arrived with Sarah and his nephews; they agreed to spend the holidays there so nobody feel left out.

“We don’t know” Natasha replied watching you leave after they failed once again, this time you didn’t want to go ice skating.

“You don’t know?” Sam raised a brow, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a silly smile “I didn’t thought you were familiar with the concept.”

Bucky left them bickering to go find you and he did, your gaze was set in the sunset, not paying much attention to the cold in the air that surrounded you in the balcony.

“Hi sweetheart” you barely reacted, more used than him to Bucky being charming with you.

“What are you doing here? You could catch a cold” Bucky saw you take in the thin layered Henley he was wearing, practically nothing compared to your coat.

“I don’t get sick, honey” he reminded you, making your skin heat despite the winter, feeling like a dumbass. What a scientist you were “I appreciate the concern, though.”

You nodded.

“Are you alright?”

“I should be the one asking that” he said, bumping you gently with his shoulder, Bucky was too delicate with you still but he made every day an effort to be more open, especially with you. He watched your lips become a firm line and his heart started to beat faster in his ribcage. Something had happened, he was sure “I’m here if you want to talk fairy, we all want you to be ok.”

That broke you.

A tear escaped your control and Bucky’s heart sink down, he couldn’t help it when he hugged you making you hid your face in his chest, making you wrap your arms around his waist.

He let you cry; rubbing circles in your back and when you calmed down, Bucky took you to your apartment to make you hot chocolate.

When it was ready Bucky sat next to you in your colorful coach, watching you took a sip while making a mental list of all the awful ways he will torture who hurt you.

“I ran into my ex while being at home” you said without looking at him, making Bucky’s whole body tense. He only heard a few things about him from Tony and Pepper but none were good “he is engaged now, to my ex best friend.”

Oh Bucky would rip his arms away from his body.

“Did he… what did he said to you?” he got closer to his fairy; it should have been very bad to have you crying like that.

Your lower lip trembled so did the mug in your hands so Bucky put his right one on top of yours.

“He said I was invited to the wedding, that Lara and him were grateful I brought them together like they didn’t cheat on me for a year” your voice cracked and more years followed.

That bastard, hot anger cursed through Bucky’s body, he will make them suffer.

“And then Louis made fun of me for buying too much in the Christmas market, he said he was sorry I don’t have anyone to spend Christmas with, like an adult so I have to overcompensate being childish.”

The entire time your eyes were focused in your hands, so embarrassed to be this honest with him when it was your idiotic ex who should be very concerned about what was coming to him, he will recruit Nat and Yelena and Tony to make sure he will pay for every one your tears.

“He is right” you said wiping your tears with your sleeve “I’m childish and dumb and…”

“Hey, hey” Bucky stopped your self-destructive train taking both of your hands in his “none of that is true, fairy” he reassured you making you look at him “he is an asshole, an abuser” Bucky spited that word out, thinking about someone like you having to live with people like that jerk made him want to punch him until his metal arm got tired “he is wrong, you are not what he says.”

“Thanks Bucky but…”

“Ah ah, I’m not letting you be mean with yourself, you’ll do the same for me” it was true, you were so gentle with him and always help him to be gentle with himself too “you deserve the whole universe, honey” Bucky cupped your face in his hands and your breath caught in your throat.

His ocean blue eyes were so kind, so full of trust that it was impossible to not believe his words.

God, he wanted to kiss you so bad but it wasn’t the time so he left a kiss in your forehead “You are not alone, you are so loved by everyone that meets you and it kills me that you have to suffer all that shit, I’m so sorry fairy.”

You hugged him and stay there for a while, feeling the pain in your heart becoming easier.

The next day  Bucky was knocking in your door before breakfast.

You were feeling bad for telling him all that, for letting him see that part of yourself that wasn’t bright, he had enough pain in his life and still he took yours and made it less heavy.

“Bucky? What are you doing here?” he looked so handsome even wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater you’ve ever seen “what are you wearing?” you whispered, not so sure if you were still sleeping, he was wearing reindeer ears too.

Did Tony and Bruce mess with the time lines again?

“We are going shopping, fairy” he handed you a matching sweater that looked your size “get ready, we leave in ten minutes to get waffles” and with that he disappeared in the hallway.

Confused you did what he said, maybe he needed help with his shopping and it was the least you could do after oversharing the previous night with him.

You met him in the elevators with your ugly sweater on and he smirked.

“You look good, fairy” bashful, you gave him a tiny smile and he felt it like a victory.

And the madness began.

True to his word, he took you for the best waffles you ever eat and then to the Christmas market in Brooklyn, still wearing his silly outfit, parting the crowded area like if he did that every random Sunday, oblivious to the chatter around you both and the not so discreet pictures some took of him. His whole attention was on you.

Bucky could recognize when you liked something, Louis words were still echoing in your mind but he made you feel so safe with him that remembering all your work with your therapist was easier and if you doubted before buying something, he would buy it for you.

You wouldn’t let Louis and Lara take anything more from you and he would help you with that.

“What do you think of this one? It seems perfect for Sam” he told you showing you a funny looking owl with a Santa hat, making you giggle.

“Put it some goggles on and then it will be perfect” you said without thinking, feeling all the cold leave your body when he throw his head back and laughed “oh no, forget I said that, poor Sam.”

“I’m never forgetting it doll, it’s exactly what I’m going to give him” he paid for the owl and gave the old lady in the vendor cart a smile that probably extended her life a decade.

Three hours later, lots of pretzels and hot chocolate you both were taking your car to go back home.

“Thank you for today” you said with a quiet voice when you parked outside the apartments “I know yesterday I was a lot, this made me feel better.”

“You’re never a lot, fairy, you are perfect” there was something else behind his words but before you could ask, Sam shout startled you.

“Hey, lovebirds, Sarah and Clint made lunch” he was wearing only shorts and a t-shirt which was insane but the basketball equipment explained a little, same as the presence of Thor, Cass, AJ and Yelena who looked very proud of herself.

“Let’s go” you said and follow the others, not noticing Bucky’s disappointment matched yours.

Christmas Eve was so much better than you expected, Natasha and Yelena didn’t leave you alone for a second, Wanda helped you wrap your presents, Tony, Morgan and Pepper would hug you randomly through the day and kiss your cheek, the rest of the team did things like that and you felt so loved.

Bucky made sure of it.

He didn’t tell you Louis and Lara were being taken care of, he probably never will, instead he choose to spend the afternoon making letters to Santa with the kids, having the perfect view of you from the living room while laughing at Morgan’s antics who tried to convince AJ and Cass that Happy was Santa. Nate was buying it by then and it was adorable, the chaos also reminded him of his sisters.

“Who wants dessert before dinner?” Yelena asked from the kitchen, the young widow didn’t miss the chance to steal sweets while you and the others cooked and apparently she wanted the kids to do the same.

There was a loud chorus of enthusiastic answers that made him wince even if the disapproval of the parents in the room made him smile. After a short but intense discussion, Sam and you convinced the others to let it happen, it was Christmas after all.

“Just one cookie, ok? We have to wait for dinner” Sam said holding the tray for them and the little munchkins yell, sugar high already “they are not for you, terminator.”

Sam tried to take them from him but you took the tray from your friend.

“Don’t listen to him, take as many as you want” you said, making a silly face at Sam who responded with a similar one.

“Thanks, fairy” Bucky took one of your cookies and barely noticed Sam going towards the Christmas tree “they smell so good.”

If that didn’t make your skin feel on fire, Morgan’s words did.

“Auntie fairy, you are under the mistletoe with Mr. Barnes” a giggle escaped the little girl and then the others kids who laughed at your reaction. The adults in the kitchen stayed in silence, despite Natasha’s “kiss her, dumbass” comment and Bucky… Bucky was looking at you like you were the only one he could see.

Biting your lip, you doubted for a heartbeat before standing in your tiptoes and giving him a kiss, short and sweet, just like you.

And then, Tony let out a wolf whistle, Yelena an exasperated sigh and you could hear Sam in the back asking who dressed an owl like him and put it in top of the tree but your focus was mostly in the handsome man in front of you who took you by the waist and kissed you again.

Merry Christmas lovelies! Hope you like this one, please tell me what you think, if you want to see more about Bucky and fairy, etc.

Love, Lily.

[warmaidensrevenge]

Love and pinball

Pairing: Eddie x Plus!size fem reader

A/N: Oh man it's been a long while. I've been taking a long needed break. But now I'm back and I have a bunch of ideas that need to be written. So I'm looking forward to what's next. I would also like to add that I had help from @salenorona23 to write this fic. I would liked to thank you. You honestly come up with the best ideas.

Thanks for sticking around. I appreciate all of you. I hope you enjoy the conclusion of Love and Pinball.

The song I added was an inspiration to me. Kay love ya. Byyyye.

Word count: 3,199

I do not give permission for my work to be published anywhere else. Please respect all creators. All the pictures I used for my collage were taken from a Google search. A credit to the original posters

Warnings: 18+ no minors please. Sexual implications, loss, grief, heartache and angst. Not proof read.

Part 8: Together

Summary: Grief will rip us apart. But love, real love can help us back to each other.

You stirred a little and placed a hand on your stomach. There was something wrong. You felt empty.

You weakly called out for Eddie. " B-baby?"

Your eyes opened slowly and the sun was blinding. You looked around and saw Paul and your mom. Then you saw Eddie who was sitting next to the bed, holding your hand. He had never looked so bad.

It was quiet. The silence and the single heart beat on the monitor was ominous. You remembered a little of what happened when you got to the hospital. But you were in and out of it.

"Is-ugh-is the baby okay?" You asked, trying to sit up.

Eddie and Paul stood quiet as your mom came to your side and started stroking your hair.

" Honey…I'm so sorry."

-

You cried for four days straight, with your mom never leaving your side. Even though you knew Eddie had to be with Liam. It hurt so much more to go through the loss of the baby without him.

Those four days were the worst in Eddie's life. When he was away he wished he was with you. And when he was with you all he did was hold you as you sobbed.

He felt like he was the reason you guys were suffering.

On the fifth day, you were going to be discharged from the hospital. Eddie had left work early to be the one to take you home. However, when he got there you were already gone.

Confused and worried he went home. Only to find suitcases by the door.

" Sweetheart?" He called out.

He found you in the nursery clutching the baby blanket from the hospital.

" Sweetheart?"

When you looked at him, he had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes.

You were dreading this moment ever since you decided to run. The only thing that kept you from taking off without a single care was the respect you had for Eddie. He deserved more than him coming home to see you were gone. He needed to know that you would be okay.

You looked back at the empty crib and felt such heartache. To the means of something you could not put into words.

" My mom went to say goodbye to Paul and Natalie. She's going to be back soon."

Eddie remained quiet and watched you. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

" I-I'm gonna go back with her."

His heart sank.

" I need some time…"

You didn't need to finish for him to understand what you needed. And though it tore him apart, he wanted you to be okay.

He took a few steps towards you. "Y/n, I think it's a good idea. You should be with your mom for a few days."

You tensed under his hand that was suddenly on your back. He almost lost it. He almost broke down. But he couldn't. So he didn't.

What he did instead was help put your bags in the trunk and helped you with your seatbelt.

Not once did you look at him. You barely said anything at all.

" Sweetheart, I'll be here when you get back."

Your head was hung while you nodded.

Eddie's heart shattered all over again watching the car fade into the distance.

Maybe this was for the best. Maybe it wasn't what was best for him. But it was what you needed. Right now all you needed was family.

…

3 weeks later

You always did hate how hot New Mexico was. You hated the bugs and the disgusting dry heat. But all of those things didn't bother you anymore. Those inconveniences were nothing compared to the suffering you felt.

It had been three long weeks since the loss of your baby girl and you couldn't find it in you to get out of bed. Or to really talk things out with Eddie.

Sure he called countless times, asking when you were gonna come home. But the answer was always the same. You didn't know.

That wasn't true though. You were never going back. How could you? How could you go on and pretend that baby Claire never existed? How could you face the man you loved knowing it was your fault she didn't make it? That the family you wanted was gone.

Chrissy gave him something you couldn't. A baby. And you hated her for that. You hated that she had a healthy beautiful baby boy, while you were left with this empty feeling.

That wasn't the person you wanted to be. And it was definitely not something you wanted Eddie to see.

It took everything you had to breathe. To wake up and not blame yourself.

But the agony you felt wouldn't go away no matter how hard you tried. And no matter how many tears flowed, there was always more.

It especially hurt when Eddie would call and you could hear Liam crying. It was excruciating to hear cries that weren't hers.

Deep down you wanted to be with Eddie. And you really did love Liam. But you just couldn't do it. It was too hard.

On the fourth week you were woken up by a tiny human.

" Tee? Wake up Tee."

You opened your eyes and found big blue ones looking back at you.

"Morning Tee."

You smiled as she climbed into bed and gave you a big hug.

" Hi baby. Oh I've missed you."

Natalie giggled when you gave her a bunch of kisses.

" Hey champ."

You looked up from Natalie and saw Paul standing by the door.

Your eyes started to swell and your chin trembled." H-hi."

After hello hugs you went to the kitchen and sat there watching Natalie eat.

" What're you guys doing here?"

Your mom poured you and Paul coffee and put a hand on your shoulder.

" Honey, your brother is leaving Natalie here for a while."

You looked over at Paul and he nodded. " I uhhh Natalie needs you…and I think you need her too."

You frowned and tears filled your eyes again. Then you nodded and sniffled. " I do."

You wiped away your tears and lightly laughed. " I'm sorry."

" Tee don't be sad."

You smiled softly at her. "I'm just really happy to see you."

She giggled and got down from her chair and raised her arms up for you to pick her up. Once on your lap she started humming.

" Tee, can we make cookies?"

You kissed the top of her little head. " Of course baby."

You looked up at Paul and your mom and saw them giving you small smiles.

For the first time in a month, you felt ok…Better.

-

Eddie was going through it. Sure he still had Liam, but he lost a daughter too. And he started resenting you for leaving him. Especially since you were only supposed to be gone for a little bit.

It was now a month and a half later and you still haven't said when you were coming back.

That was until you called him.

" Hey sweetheart."

" Hi."

He sat down on the bed. " How are you?"

You sighed. " Better."

His brows pinched together. " Yeah? That's good. I uhh miss you.”

“Eddie I- ummm I left a few things and I was hoping you could send them to me?”

He was quiet for a second. Didn't you miss him too?

“ Uhh yeah. Yeah. Sure baby. What do you need?”

He wrote down the list of things and was confused. Photo albums, jewelry and your diploma. Things that were important and likely irreplaceable.

“Umm sweetheart? Do…do you really want me to send this stuff?”

You cleared your throat before answering. “ Yeah.”

He nodded and fought back his tears. Why did it feel like you weren't coming back?

" Y/n? You're coming home…right?"

He heard you sniffle and knew your answer.

" Baby, please. I-I-"

"I have to go. I'm sorry."

-

When you hung up, it was like you felt everything you felt a month ago. But ten fold. It was horrible.

You originally hoped calling him would change your mind about not going back. Instead, all it did was solidify that you could never go back and face him.

You laid in bed that night thinking of all the things that you should've said to him. You should have said you were sorry for falling that day. For losing Claire. For running away. But most of all you wanted to say you loved him very much.

All the pain you felt started making you cry. After a minute or so you felt a little bit of movement behind you. Then you felt a tiny hand stroking your hair.

You turned around and saw Natalie staring at you.

" Don't cry Tee."

You whimpered a little as you wiped your eyes.

She grabbed your hand." Everything's gonna be alright."

" I know, baby. I know."

" Then-then why are you crying?"

You sniffled. " Everyone cries baby."

Natalie frowned. " I don't like it when you cry Tee. It scares me."

Your brows pinched together and you reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. " Why honey?"

" Because when big people cry, that means something bad happened. And I don't want bad things to happen."

You sucked in a breath and nodded. " I'm sorry. I-I won't cry anymore."

She held out her pinky. " Promise."

You let out a small laugh and hooked your pinky with hers. " I promise baby."

She leaned in and gave you a hug and a kiss before getting under the covers. Then she started humming a familiar tune until she fell asleep.

You squeezed her gently and thought of the day you guys went shopping with Eddie replayed in your head.

It was at that moment you knew what you had to do.

It was time to work on getting better. For your family. And for Eddie.

-

Eddie cried after he hung up the phone. He never felt so alone before. Or so sad. What did he need to do to get you home?

He wanted to go to you, but with Liam and work he really couldn't. On top of that he was heartbroken.

But what made things worse was that Chrissy decided to give him full custody of Liam. All she said when she dropped him off was that Jason proposed to her. So she handed him Liam and paperwork that she had a lawyer draw up.

That was a week ago.

Thank God for his friends. He didn't know what he would do without Gareth or Robin. They were his saving grace. But the only person he really wanted was you. Looks like he wasn't going to get that happy ending he always wanted.

-

Two weeks later

It was a stormy Saturday afternoon. Eddie had just put Liam down for a nap. He had been so fussy today. He had this little cough that scared him. So after a doctor's visit he gave him some medicine and put him to bed.

Eddie went outside to sit on the porch and look at the paper. He was searching for an affordable place that he and Liam could move into. He felt that it wasn't right to stay in your place without you.

However, the only place he could afford was in Forest Hills and he wanted better for Liam. But there was no other choice.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “ Wish you would come home.”

He then heard a car door close. When he looked up he saw you standing there. Umbrella in one hand and a suitcase in the other.

When the cab drove off you started towards him.

He was in shock. With no clue what to actually say or do, he just sat there.

You reached the steps and stared at him. All you could think about was how much you've missed him.

“I…I know there's nothing I can say to take back what happened and how I reacted to it. Just know that I am so sorry for leaving you.” You moistened your lips and continued. “ I should've known that losing our girl was going to hurt you too. I was selfish and a jerk… and I get it if you can't forgive me. I just came back to apologize and to say if you need me, I'll be here... And I need you to know that I'm not 100% right now. And...and I don't think I ever will be. But I'm willing to try and be. For you and Liam...For me too.

He stood up and dropped the newspaper. Just then the slight drizzle turned into a downpour. He went down the steps and pulled you into a hug. Your body trembled in his arms as tears filled his eyes.

“ I missed you so much baby.” he leaned back and kissed you.

After a few seconds you guys heard Liam cough.

He looked down at you and put his forehead on yours. “ I know what you're gonna say. But I don't care. I like how much of a cliche we are together…That's how I know it's real.”

You nodded. “ I guess you're right…Curls?”

“ Yeah sweetheart?”

“ I'm not leaving again. Not ever. Well not willfully.”

He chuckled and went to kiss you again but you put a hand on his chest.

“ Common bud, I wanna see Liam.”

He nodded and grabbed your luggage. Following you inside.

-

You never ran. Not when Chrissy came back crying that Jason left her and then tried to take Liam. Not when he was let go from the plant. Even when things got overwhelming when Hannah and Layla were born. When postpartum hit you like a truck. You didn't leave.

Even when things got better and the band got a record deal and he spent more time on the road than at home. You stayed and supported him. You said and did all the things a partner should. You challenged him to be better and you were honest with him. You did so much for him and the family. You took care of the house and the kids, even though you needed help. You didn't leave when he missed so many birthdays, little league games and ballet recitals.

Because you loved him and he loved you. No matter how hard or easy things were. You both showed up for each other. No matter what, you had each other's back.

-

Eddie hadn't been home in a few months and you never missed him more. Maybe it was because the kids were asking when he was coming back. Or maybe it was because your anniversary was coming up and you needed your anniversary kisses. Either way he was way overdue for a cuddle session.

All day you tried to focus on the daycare. And for the most part you kept it together. That was until you were about to leave for the day.

He was there. Leaning against his red BMW with his legs crossed at the ankles and hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

You could cry right now. But instead you melted seeing him smile at you.

“ Hey Mrs. Munson. Beautiful weather we're having.”

You shook your head and went to him. Giving him hugs and all the kisses you've been saving just for him.

“ Mmmmm sweetheart. Let me get you home first.”

He led you to the passenger side and opened the door. As soon as you slid in, you climbed down from cloud nine. You opened your mouth to say something when he closed the door and held up his hand.

“ Don't worry, your car will be safe here and the kids are at Paul's. It's just you and me tonight.”

-

You didn't make it past the living room. You were on each other as soon as the front door closed.

Eddie sighed with satisfaction. “ God I've missed you.”

“ Better have.”

He chuckled and placed a wet kiss on your cheek. “ I always miss you when I'm gone. You and the kids.”

You swallow and nod. “ So how long do we get you for?”

He hummed and pulled you to lay in his arms. “ I'm not sure. 1 or 2, maybe 3 years.”

You lifted your head and gave him a surprise look.

He grinned at you. “ The band decided we needed a break. To get back to our roots and be with our families. So we all agreed that a long vacation would do us good. Obviously, we can't just disappear for 3 years.”

“ Right.”

He reached up and tucked your hair behind your shoulder. “ Yeah. So we set it up to only do local shows a few times a month and do 9 big venues in the surrounding states. But only in the summer so I can bring you guys with me.”

You were speechless. You've been wanting to hear those words from him for a long time now. It was the best thing he had ever said to you.

You smiled softly.“The kids would love that.”

“ What about you?”

You laid your head back on his chest. “ Well I don't know. I guess I can take it or leave it.”

He gasped. “ I beg your pardon!” He then started to tickle your sides and made his way on top of you.

“ Ahhh curls! Okay okay!”

He stopped and grinned down at you.

You smiled back at him. “ I would love nothing more than for all of us to be together. I love that you're home…I miss you bud. So much.”

He nodded slightly before leaning for a kiss.

“ Mmm sooo speaking of all of us…I was thinking maybe we could work on baby 4 and 5.”

You clicked your tongue. “ Hmmm that sounds fun. Maybe pinball after?”

He chuckled lightly. “ Love then pinball?”

“ Or.” You raised a brow. “ Love and pinball?”

“ Oh you're naughty baby.”

You both grinned at each other for a moment before he got up.

“ I'll get us snacks and juice boxes.”

You laughed as he helped you up. “ I'll be down stairs beating your score.”

He smacked your bottom. “ We'll see about that “

-

As you stood in front of the thing that started it all you couldn't help but feel joy. The very same Grand Prix game you guys played all those years ago was now yours. Well it has been since Eddie gifted it to you as a wedding present.

You sighed happily as you took the quarter from the return slot and popped it in. The lights and music were the exact same as always.

You pulled back the spring handle and the ball was off. Whirls and dings were all too exciting. It was perfect. And in a few minutes you were almost to the high score. But then there were hands on your hips pulling you back so that you were flushed against his chest.

“ No distract-” you tried to say but cut off as you watched as the silver ball fell right between your paddles. Then you heard a slight chuckle.

“ Sorry sweetheart. You lost.”

Sighing in defeat, you turned around in his arms and wrapped yours around his neck. “ No bud. I think I won.”

Eddie looked back and forth between your eyes and understood what you meant.

He put his forehead on yours. “ We won.”

...

@marsmunson86 @browneyes528 @erinsingalong @salenorona23 @emsgoodthinkin @eddie-is-a-god @manda-panda-monium

[odysseywritings]

Nihil

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Death had been busy on the day the world died. The skeleton glided across the empty roads, buildings, and towns with only the wind accompanying. Death had never been so overworked even during wars. The quiet chill of wind blew through the skeleton's eye sockets in a morbid dirge as the only physical remnants of humanity were clothing, accessories and toys, and their shadows.

Death adorned itself with a mixture of clothes to alleviate boredom. A politician's pressed suit, a worker's muddy boots, and carrying a child's blanket. Death danced around and sighed as every place mirrored the last. Emptiness in the bustling cities. Emptiness in the cloistered temples and schools. Emptiness in the sports stands. Emptiness in every house with pictures of the deceased.

Death stopped as it witnessed a survivor observing an abandoned missile command. The stranger was dressed plainly and smiled blankly. Perhaps an android the humans made to look like them out of scientific egoism. The stranger followed Death in its travel like a helpless automaton without a creator. Soft rain came and went and the android didn't react, surprising Death, as these usually jolt from water. But it didn't seem like an important issue and the two moved on. Death never asks why. It just is.

The blue sky now a sickly brown shade with smog underneath. The mess was enough to wipe out bacteria as nothing rotted anymore. The stillness of everything further enhanced the oddity of the stranger. Not important to Death's job yet suspicious all the same.

Death saw hospitals cluttered inside and out with clothes of patients and staff. Death wasn't imaginative but could assume the worst. The skeleton looked to the android, whom had a pleasant smile for the sight, unusual for a robot or a man. This at last made Death speak.

"Who are you? You are alive yet have no soul. You are in motion yet you do not rust."

The stranger paused and looked at Death with that endless smile.

"Suppose it would be accurate to call me an impartial observer. I have examined humanity near and far and I was infinitely curious on their exciting endeavors."

The stranger held out his hand to create a fly. The fly buzzed and flew around before the intense radiation withered it away. Death begrudgingly took its soul and looked at the stranger, with the world around him darkening.

"I am not one for ruminating or judging. Nor do I unjustly contribute credit to that which has occurred for eons. The Promethean flame could never be contained with the same care as one does with his traditions. It is within man to grow and destroy, and lest another grows more than he, or worse yet take what is thought or felt from he, then it is better that both surrender to you than to lose."

The world obscured around the stranger, blurred and dissolving, crumbling and blowing away like sand.

"What are you saying?"

"Nothing controversial, I assure you. There are no historians to write this for truth or hagiography, thus rendering this human experiment forgotten and failed. It is simply too easy for them club, stab, shoot, and bomb the other. They are monotonous in their cruelty, though I admit the efficiency of this last action, however hasty and panicked."

The last images of earth blew away by wind and charred by the sun. Only Death and the placid stranger floating in the void were around.

"I enjoy a healthy conversation yet it can only last for so long before boredom takes root. I may see to it that the next turn goes smoother. No promises."

The stranger ripped a hole in the void as a white light grew larger and wider. Death took a chance for a new beginning and the hole shrank. There in the void of lifelessness, the stranger was all and everything of value. Content in power and free from death and life. Forever.

[straykidsworldwild]

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 3 : MC calls Phil. The next night, as she was going to the bar, someone crosses her path which unpleases her. She rushes to the Aurora and that's where another chapter of her life begins.

Warning : little swearing 🙈

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Heyy guys!! How are you? 😁 So sorry this part took so long to be published. Pardon me. Hope you'll like it! 😁

(I don't own the pics, I just made the collage. Credit goes to the creators of Duskwood and owners of the pics.)

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I take a deep breath in and out as I do a messy bun. I feel like I am getting ready for a marathon. My heart is already beating stronger and faster than normal and I haven't pressed the calling button yet. It's crazy how he makes me feel even when he isn't here, next to me… Just a thought of him and it makes my heart racing. I wonder how he feels when I'm close to him, talking to him, or just when someone mentions me. Does he even think about me sometimes? I know Phil is pretty confident about himself but that doesn't mean he cannot feel nervous, right? Anyway... I have a call to make. Alright, one last deep breath in and out and… Oh, you're such an idiot, MC… I'm so nervous that I'm calling the Aurora instead of his phone… I hope he is still at his bar.

- "Hello?" I hear Phil's voice echoing right after he answered. At least I know he is still there... His voice is so restful and deep. I smile just by this simple note coming from his voice.

- "Hi, I'd like to talk with Mr. Aurora", I answered the man, sounding playful as I let a small chuckle out.

- "MC" calls me, Phil, chuckling back. Oh God... You're not allowed to do that! My smile grows as I can picture him just by hearing him chuckling. It's so contagious... "Wait, before you say anything, I'm so sorry about..." He suddenly tells me which surprised me. He spoke so fast...

- "Phil, I'm not upset or mad or anything. Don't worry. It wouldn't be right of me to be upset with you anyway.", I immediately reply to the man, interrupting him. I do not want him to feel guilty or awkward about what happened. There's no need for that...

- "Why not? That girl literally shamed you and flirted with me in front of you." He tells me back, sounding confused as to why I am not angry. I mean… I guess there's reason to be upset but not angry. But are they worth being said out loud right now? I'm not sure...

- "Well, one, you're free to have whatever kind of relationship you want. I don't have a word to say about that. And two, we're not together so I don't see why it should matter." I answer to Jessy's brother which didn't sound that harsh in my head. I close my eyes and hit my face with my hand. Why did I say that? He's going to think I am not in for something with him or that I might have moved on from trying something with him. But then, do I want something with him? Am I ready to be in a relationship with Phil despite the kind of man he is? I mean, he can change… Right? Well, he already changed, right? For a moment, a dead silence takes place in the phone call. "Are you still there?" I ask Phil, my voice sounding faint compared to before.

- "Yeah, yeah... I was just deep in thoughts." He responds to me, sounding… Hurt? Disappointed? Maybe both... I couldn't tell. I let a quiet sigh out as I feel my heart beating so strongly down my chest. I need to know… Even if it scares me, even if it might not pleasure me to hear what he is going to say, I need to know.

- "Can I ask you something?" I gently demand to the boy.

- "Of course, Gorgeous" he answers softly. And the deepness of his voice is just so amazing to hear...

- "Are you being serious about... I mean... Are you really trying to... Do you really…" I sigh again but louder this time. How is he supposed to understand what I want to ask him if I can't put three words in a row? "I'm sorry, I don't know how to formulate my question." I tell him as I lightly shake my head. I'm such an idiot...

- "You want to know if I am playing with you or not?" He tells me as if he just read my thoughts. Oh... Am I this obvious?

- "Yeah. It's just... I'm having a hard time to believe that you actually want something with me. I mean... It's just easier to think that you want something from me than with me. Especially when I see the kind of girls you liked before…" I confess to the boy, telling him my worries all while hoping it doesn't make him step away from me. I don't want to lose him because I worry to much or don't open easily to him... I just need time.

- "I never said I liked them, MC." He calmly answers before hearing him blowing some smoke.

- "But you must have felt something for them, otherwise, you wouldn't have wanted a night with them." I reply to him with an unsure tone.

- "It was just physical attraction, nothing more. It's different from you. With you, it's not just the attraction, it's... It's the spark that I don't have with the others." He tells me sincerely and seriously, always sounding so calm but so sincere at the same time. I hum as I look down. I want to believe him… And maybe I do actually. But there's always this lack of confidence in me that brings me to my rational side. "I told you, MC, and I'll say it again. I love you. Now, I know what you think about me and I know what people say about me. But I don't care. And I care even less of those chicks. I only care about you." He admits to me with the same tone as before, sounding lightly desperate for me to believe him. I care about you too, Phil… More than you think, more than I certainly should. I stay quiet as I meditate on everything happening right now. There is a lot to think about. Suddenly, I hear a light sigh coming from Phil. "MC, do you trust me?" He suddenly asks me. Oh… Well...

- "Of course, Phil." I answer instantly, nodding positively even though he doesn't see me.

- "Then trust me when I say that I'll be ready to change things from me to be with you." He confesses seriously before blowing some smoke again. Change… But I don't want him to change...

- "I don't want you to change anything from you. I just... I'm just not confident enough." I tell and confess to the boy, admit my lack of confidence to him. It actually feels weird… Why am I telling him that?

- "If you let me, I'll prove to you that I really love you and that I'm not trying to play around with you. But I'll only do it if you want me to give you that proof. I'll never force you to do anything. It's your call." He says seriously and sincerely, letting me all the cards in my hands. It's my call… I smile, unable to stop it. Why do I smile in a moment like this one? How can he make me smile in a conversation like this one?

- "You're charming." I tell him which makes the boy chuckle. "I didn't give you your hug." I recall, sounding like I am kind of excusing myself to him.

- "I know. It broke my little heart." He says jokingly even though I could hear he was serious in a way. I giggle at his answer despite being sorry. "Maybe you could give it to me tomorrow night, Gorgeous." He suggests before a small pause takes place in the conversation. "Huh, you're coming to Jessy's birthday tomorrow night, right?" He asks me with an unsure tone.

- "Yes, why wouldn't I?" I demand him back, sounding confused.

- “When are your uncle's funerals?” he questions me, ignoring my questions. The funerals…? Why is he asking about that?

- “Huh... Tomorrow morning.” I begin to answer when something just comes up in my mind. Of course... “Oh, I get it. You think I shouldn't go or I wouldn't want to go to the party?” I tell him, sounding like I have just read his mind this time.

- “Well, I just thought you would have preferred to be alone, maybe? That you wouldn't be in the mood for a party.” He responds so gently and so calmly, clearly caring about my emotions. I could hear how much he cares for me just by the sound of his voice. It’s crazy…!

- “Well, I will certainly be down but, I'd rather be with my friends than alone at home, especially in a time like this one. It's not…” I let a small sigh out. “It’s not good to stay alone. And my uncle wouldn't want me to stay by myself anyway, so…” I reply to the man I have been having a crush on for so long. The pain was heard in my voice.

- “Well, you can call or send me a message if you need to talk, okay? Anytime. I'll be there for you, MC.” He answers sincerely and seriously, showing me his support.

- “Thanks, Phil. That means a lot.” I tell sincerely to the boy, cracking a smile. That warmed my heart.

- “I'm sorry but I'm going to have to hang up, Gorgeous. I need to do the closing.” He says with a disappointed tone towards himself because he needs to hang up. Oh already...

- “Sure, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” I tell him as I smile like an idiot. Again... Thank God he cannot see me...

- “See you, Gorgeous. Goodnight.” He wishes me back, letting a soft chuckle out. Oh… I keep a smile over my face and hang up. Why did I fall for an idiot like him?

~ Next day, morning ~

Next morning, I wake up and do my little ritual before getting ready. I out on a black dress with black heels but don't bother putting on the small amount of make up I usually wear. It's not necessary, I will ruin it with my cries anyway... Mom is waiting for me at her home. I told her I would pick her up before going to the funeral. I know mom is strong but I’m not sure she’ll be able to drive after the funeral. And to be fair, I’m not sure I will be able myself, but I’ll try… I have to be there for her, firstly, then myself.

~ A few hours later ~

I feel so strange. I feel like a piece of me was ripped and is missing, but at the same time, I feel relieved. I mean… I feel like my uncle is finally resting in peace and I can try to move on, live my life like he would want me to do. Though, I just can’t stop thinking about him… I want to turn the page but I'm also scared to forget him at the same time which isn't a good match. When I saw the white flowers set for my uncle's funeral, I was just so happy. They looked amazing. I just wished I could have bought those flowers for another and more joyful reason though... Anyway, maybe Phil was right to worry if I would come or not to Jessy’s birthday party tonight. I really don’t feel in the mood right now… And certainly not later either…

After dropping my mother at her home, I stayed for a moment with her. I just needed to make sure she'll be okay. And I also needed to be with my mom. I needed my mom. Anyway, I am finally on my way back home as Jessy won’t be long now. I park my car and walk up toward my little apartment. Oh… I’ve got a message.

- “Hey, MC, I’m sorry but I have to go help Cleo with something so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it in time at your home. Can we meet up at the Aurora, instead?” I read her text message which was sent an hour and a little more ago. I completely forgot to pour the sound back on so I didn't hear any of the notifications I received. "I keep my phone close to me though. So if you need to talk, I'll be there." I read her second message. A small smile comes over my lips.

- “Of course, Jessy, no problem. I’ll see you there.” I simply respond to her message as I don’t want to bother my mind right now. I don't want to talk. I guess I’ll get the chance to rest a bit before going to the party. Maybe I’ll be a little more motivated to go there after…

A few hours later, I am on my way to the Aurora to go meet up with the others. Well, I'll probably be the first one since I always come early. There’s a part of me wishing I could actually be home, lying on my sofa in front of the TV, and do nothing, and the other part is telling me, “is Phil alone right now? Will I have a heart to heart moment with him?”. Yes… I think… Yeah, I think I want to tell him that I want to give him a chance if he is really willing to have something serious. I don’t know if it is the right thing to do or not but, I need to… Live. I need to try new things. I need to challenge myself. Telling my emotions to him, how I feel about him, it’s something new. It’s just so hard to talk about how I feel most of the time. Especially saying my feelings to the boy I have a crush on since… A while now.

The streets are enveloped by the darkness of the night, but the streetlights bring some light to them. Thankfully, it's a calm night without any rain pouring down.

- “Hey!!” I hear a familiar voice screaming in my back. Not so calm now... Though the voice sounded… Off. It was a man for sure, but the person didn’t sound very "fine". He talked quite slower than a normal person would do normally and he half chew over his words. Is he drunk? I continue my way, ignoring the man. That's the best thing to do... “Hey, MC, is that you?” What? Who...? I turn quickly around to just give a glance at the person, but I don’t stop walking. Oh… My boss…? What is he doing here? “Whatever. Why don’t you come see your favorite boss, Baby Girl? You could be surprised by me.” He says in a drunk way as he points at me with a bottle. Oh… Huh… I didn't see it before. Hell no! I clear my throat, feeling uncomfortable and scared. I…

Without thinking further, I start to run away from him as I know the Aurora isn’t far from here now. It’s just a couple street corners away… I run as fast as I can, hoping to lose him. Which some chances, he is too drunk to actually run after me. Well, he did still seemed a little bit himself despite the alcohol... There! I can see the colorful light from the bar lightening the street. Please, be there.... Alone or with someone, I don’t care…. Just be there. I rush inside the Aurora and immediately close the door behind me before sticking my back against the door. I thought I was going to make a fool out of myself in front of people, but it’s empty… Though, Phil is standing behind the counter, cleaning some glasses. Breathless, I quickly lock the door and step away from it as I walk backward towards the counter.

- “Gorg…” I hear Phil calling me with his lovely voice. Though, it was quick to faint. “Did you just close my bar?” He asks me with a confused tone as he points at the door. I look up at him, fear flashing over my face. Wow, I didn’t think I was this scared actually... “MC, what's wrong?” He asks me right away with concern while walking around the counter to join my sides.

- “Phil, he's following me.” I tell him rapidly and out of breath as I walk towards him to meet him midway. Wow, I… I didn’t even control myself. It’s like my body just talked for myself, walked over to him, needing to feel this protecting feeling.

- “Wow, calm down. What are you talking about? Who's follow you?” He says calmly and seriously as his hands come grabbing my shoulders. Oh… I stare into his eyes, reading the calmness in them. Though, I can read the concern in them. Suddenly, there’s a loud thud coming from outside which made me jump and gasp, breaking eye contact with Phil. I turned around and found my boss standing outside, still holding his bottle in one hand. He managed to get here without falling? Oh God... Seriously?!

- “MC, bring your sweet little ass outside before I fire you!” I hear him yelling in the middle of the street which made me take a step back. Even with a wall and a locked door separating us, he still scares me. Phil grabs my wrist as he takes a step forward, shielding my body with his.

- “He's drunk and clearly worse than when he's sober…” I inform to the man as we notice that my boss is trying to get inside Phil’s bar. Please, don't break anything here... “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring him to your bar but…” I rapidly apologize to Phil, shaking my head negatively as I dance on my feet. I shouldn't have come here...

- “Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you actually found your way here." He tells me reassuringly and so calmly. "Stay here. It's okay.” He tells me with the same comforting tone while motioning me to not move. Huh… What is he doing? Phil goes to the front door, looking so upset. He unlocks it and opens it before stepping outside. Though, he makes sure to close it back behind him. “What can I do for you, sir?” I hear him asking seriously to the drunk man. It’s faint, but I can still hear their voices.

- “You?” Says, my boss, while rudely pointing at Phil with the bottle and frowning confused. “You work here?” He tells him with surprise as if Phil wouldn't be able or wouldn't be smart enough to work here.

- “I even own the place.” answers, Phil, crossing his arms over his chest.

- “Right... Look, I'm not goin' to bother you 'ny longer. Just tell me where the little wh**e is?” Then asks, my drunk boss, half screaming in the middle of street. I'm actually pretty sure he doesn't notice that he talks so loudly. Wow... He definitely doesn't know what pet names are...

- “Excuse me?” Questions, Phil, sounding very unpleased and like he heard him wrong. Though, I can tell that it is making his blood boiling.

- “Don't play dumb, boy. Where's she? She and I nee' to talk. If you know what I mean.” I hear my boss saying before he smirks, looking hungry for… Ugh! He’s such a pig! Knowing the thought he must have with me, I grimace with disgust. “She seems like a good little b**ch waiting to be f***ed.” He says before starting to laugh drunkenly. I knew he wasn't nice, but I never thought he had such a disgusting side...

- “Mmh... You see, I deal with clients all day long and I noticed that there are three different types. First one is the nice ones. The ones who come enjoy a drink or two and then go. Then, there are the annoying ones. They take a few drinks and start talking very loudly and getting a little bit out of line but it's still correct in a way. Finally, there are the ones that get to another level which is disrespect and being rude. Unfortunately, that happens to make me angry. Sadly, you're there right now. So I suggest you turn around and walk away while you can.” Replies politely and professionally, Phil, trying not to lose his cool despite the anger rising more and more. I know it. I see it. Just by the sight of the vein popping in his neck and the way he firmly closes his fists… His knuckles look so white...

- “Are you threatening me, boy?” questions, my boss, trying to play tough despite the fact that he struggles to stay still on his two feet.

- “No, It's just a "friendly" advice from one boss to another. Be smart. Take it. Turn around and walk away.” He tells him seriously, trying to make the man go away before it goes too far. I just hope he isn’t as stubborn as he is when he is sober… I stare at them from inside the bar, frowning with concern. This situation makes me so nervous. My boss is clearly unpleased by Phil’s words. Suddenly, the man starts screaming and draws his bottle towards Phil. Oh! The owner of the bar dodges the hit in time and pushes my boss against the wall behind him. The man is face first, kept pushed against the wall. “If you don't leave right now, I'll call the police! Want to think again?” Warns seriously and firmly, Phil, frowning with anger. Though, I can tell he is struggling to keep his anger in him. I have rarely seen Phil this mad… Honestly, it’s scary. Suddenly, my boss makes a rough move backward, his bottle hitting Phil’s ribcage. Oh! I gasp as I saw Phil bending over. My boss turns around and tries to hit Phil in the face with the bottle. Well, he isn’t as drunk as I thought… Phil steps back in time before punching him in the face. I gasp in surprise. I never saw Phil fighting before. My boss lands flat on his belly, the bottle rolling on the sidewalk. Though, he comes back up, helping himself with the wall. I can’t just watch them fight like this… I can’t watch Phil getting hurt because of me… My boss grabs Phil by the collar and pulls him before pushing him against the wall. He still has a certain strength... Though, Phil instantly pushes him back. I can’t...

- “Stop it! Now!” I scream after rapidly stepping out of the bar. I come in between the two men and separate them, forgetting what my boss could actually do. I push the drunk man away from Phil, making him stumble backwards before he catches himself on a car. Meanwhile, I place my hands on Phil’s chest as I felt him going for him. Hell no…! Enough! “Phil. Ph... Phil!” I call the boy as he tries to walk past me to get to the man. He's not angry, he's raging. Though, when I called him, imploring for him to look down at me, he stopped. His eyes met mines and softness instantly drowned them. “Stop, please. Don't enter his game.” I plead him seriously as I weakly nod.

- “I'm not letting that pig talk about you or treat you that way!” He replies with anger, looking back with dark eyes at the drunk man standing behind me. Phil takes a step forward, but again, I stop him, getting before him as I keep my hands on his chest.

- “Phil, look at me. Look at me!” I tell him seriously as I bring one hand to his cheek. Why am I doing this? Why does this feel so… Normal and right? Just with my hand on his cheek, I can feel how much the anger is boiling inside of him. I force him to look down at me. “Calm down, please.” I demand him softly, our eyes connecting a second time. The man stares at me displeased for a moment before letting a sigh out. Please, don’t do it… I didn’t notice, but I’m actually running my thumb on his cheek, as if the hope of him to calm him down will be by this simple gesture.

- “Are you going to make out now? Because I'd rather live the show than to watch it.” Comments, my boss. Gross… Disgusting… Repulsive… I slowly turn around to face the man as I stay before Phil. He is smirking as he looks at my body up and down. I’ve never felt so bad and embarrassed before. Like… He hasn’t done anything to me, but just the way he looks at me makes me feel dirtied.

- “Well, I'm going to make it easy for you, sir. I'm done. I quit. I'll come pick up my stuff tomorrow even though it isn't much.” I tell him with seriousness while frowning madly. I have to end this. My boss stares at me with a frown, processing my words.

- “You can't quit! You're working for me!” He screams back at me, half chewing on his words. As if...

- “Yes, I can!” I scream back at him which surprises him. Yeah, he must not be used to someone replying to him or going against him... “And if that doesn't please you, it's still going to be the same. I'm done being mistreated by you and by most of your clients. And if you can't accept that, maybe the police can help you like the idea. I'm sure I have enough to say against you.” I tell him with a reminding tone, raising my voice lightly but not as loud as he talks to me and keeping that firm tone. I don’t know where this confidence comes from, but it feels… Powerful. Maybe because I know Phil is here and has my back? I don’t know… My boss stares at us two so madly before he looks away. “Oh, and by the way, you owe me at least 4.000$ of pay for all the extra hours I did. I better have them soon if you don't want this to go to justice.” I remind him seriously, pointing at him with my finger. I feel like a tea pot. Everything I've been wanting to say to him, I say them.

- “You were i'competent 'nyway. 'nable to do one thing righ'. I won't be losing much.” He replies at me with a mad tone, almost looking relieved that I’m quitting. I watch him dancing on his feet, almost tripping over his own feet.

- “Exactly, and you were bringing absolutely nothing to me so it looks like we're both winning. Me a little more.” I answer to the man, keeping my firm and mad tone against him. Without saying another word, my boss just scoffs before he turns around to leave. Oh… First time he actually backs down in front of someone… Anyway, he'll far away now. I turn around to look back at Phil, watching him holding his ribs. Oh… “Oh God, are you okay?” I demand him with a worried tone as I try to hide my guilt. It’s because of me if he is hurt...

- “Yeah... He wasn't as drunk as I thought.” Answers, Phil, looking down at me with a light frown. Though, it is not a mad frown or else, he seems more.... Worried or concerned. But relieved at the same time, weirdly… I frown sadly before I look down at his free hand.

- “Come with me.” I tell him gently while taking his hand in mine. “Let me help you” I tell him while helping him get inside. Well… I’m not sure he needs help but still, I just feel the need to help him. He literally saved me from my boss.

- "Thanks, Gorgeous”, he says as he lets me lead him back to the bar. I close the door behind Phil and let him take place on a chair. While sitting, I hear him groaning lightly before he clears his throat, as if he didn’t want me to hear him in pain. Right, I should get him some ice. I walk over to the counter and go behind it. So it should be… Here! “You even know where ice is.” He tells me with an impressed tone as he lets a small chuckle out. How does he know I looked for that? That chuckle… It’ll be my death.

- “I've watched you worked behind that bar countless times. It's not hard to guess where the stuff is.” I respond to the boy as I come back to him, holding a cloth with ice in it. “Let me…” I tell him while sitting across from him. I gently and lightly lift his shirt up just to see if it has bruised or not yet. It’s starting to get bruised... I let a guilty sigh out before pulling his shirt back down. I place the cloth over it and delicately press on it. Phil lightly winces because of the pain and the cold touching his skin as he looks away. “I'm sorry. I didn't…” I begin to apologize to the man as I avoid his eyes.

- “It's okay.” he interrupts me as I feel him looking at him. I know he is. “It's not your fault. And at least I know you won't see that dick anymore.” he says with a satisfied and relieved tone.

- “Honestly, it feels like I just threw an enormous weight off my shoulders. It feels good. Thanks to you.” I admit to the man I have been crushing on for so long as I let a small smile appear on my face. He smiles back while weakly nodding.

- “What are you going to do now?” He asks me with curiosity.

- “Look for another job.” I simply answer.

- “My offer is still on, you know?” He tells me with a reminding tone. Oh… I looked up in his eyes for the first time since I’ve been holding the cloth with the ice on his wound. His offer… Working here... “If you want to work here while you look somewhere else, I'll be glad to have you here. I know you still need to pay for your college so…” He says with his calm and deep voice. How can he be so calm so easily, especially after what just happened outside his bar? My smile grows before I actually softly laugh.

- “Your job sucks so much that you're desperate for a constant distraction?” I ask sarcastically, joking around. Phil smiles and softly laughs back to my comment.

- “What can I say, I'd like to have a beautiful woman working with me. Especially you.” he answers, which makes my cheeks burn instantly. You player… I bite my lower lip without controlling myself and look up in his eyes. They are burning with flames of… Of… Such a strong emotion… Feeling. God, I love him… And those eyes that he is giving me aren’t helping at all…

- “When can I start then?” I demand him, not really knowing how I managed to ask him this without mumbling or stuttering.

- “Monday?” he proposes to me. Huh?

- “Monday... In four days?” I ask him, frowning confused after thinking for a second.

- “You deserve a little break, Gorgeous, don't you think?” He tells me seriously and so gently. He’s just so sweet and caring… I mean, he clearly wants to show who the boss is here because it is his bar, but… His calm personality and the way he behaves most of the time just seem to hide his true self. I mean, Phil is Phil and his words are sometimes raw, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think otherwise. I nod to the boy before looking down. I feel so nervous suddenly. My heart is racing like never before and I can’t take this idiotic smile off my face. What has he done to me, seriously? Suddenly, Phil gently pushes my hand and the ice from his chest and starts to get up. What…? Where is he going? What is he going to do?

- “Wait, I…” I suddenly say, grabbing his wrist. What just took me? Why did I…? I’m such a fool. And such a nervous wreck right now. I avoid his look, staring at the floor. “There's... Hum…” I have to tell him. I can’t back down anymore. I can’t flee my own feelings either anymore.

- “Are you nervous?” He asks me with a smirk while sitting back down on the chair across from me. Oh...

- “No, I... Yeah. I'm... I'm a nervous wreck right now actually. It's just... I…” I confessed to him, sounding as if I even struggle to breath now. God, I’m such an idiot, why am I stuttering like this in front of him?

- “Am I making you this nervous, Gorgeous?” He asks me in a whisper with his deep voice while slowly getting closer to my face. Oh… I don’t move as my eyes just fall on his lips. They look so soft. My breathing gets heavier instantly. I can’t look at him… I close my eyes as I breath heavily.

- “Actually... Yes…” I admit. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes again as Phil didn’t say a word. The boy has his eyes devouring my lips as the fire in them seems to have grown. “Phil, I…” I begin to whisper, trying to find the courage to say the words.

- “Phil, what? What do you want, Gorgeous?” He asks me with the same deep and calm whisper which makes me even more nervous.

- “Phil…” I whisper his name as I lock my eyes with his. They’re just so beautiful and he is just so close to me... Phil hums with his deep voice as he lightly wets his lips. Oh my… The man gets closer and closer so slowly until his forehead connects with mine. I close my eyes, enjoying how close we are right now. I can’t explain what I feel inside right now, but it’s a total mess. There are butterflies, fireworks… It’s a crazy feeling. Phil brings his hand to my cheek which feels so soft and so right. None of us move. None of us say a word. Nothing breaks this moment. I bring my hand over his, wanting him to hold me. Then, as the two of us are plunged in a deep silence, Phil suddenly pecks my lips. He… Kissed me. His lips are just so warm and soft and the kiss is so delicate. Simple but delicate. Phil pulls away from my lips and disconnects our foreheads. Though, he keeps a really, really small distance. Our eyes connect once more but none of us say a word. There’s no need. His eyes are talking for himself. He just wants to make sure I’m okay with this… I smile with happiness as I bring my hand to his neck and pull him back in for a kiss. What’s happening to me? I don’t know. I would have never done this before. I’m too shy for that. But it just feels so right, right now. Phil answers to my kiss instantly, giving the same softness and warmth than before. It’s more passionate though… The boy grabs my hands and pulls me closer to him as he rests completely on his chair. I let him guide me and sit on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Phil holds me, one hand in my back, the other on my thigh as the kiss becomes quickly heated. Suddenly, he pulls away from the kiss but only to go down my jaw and then my neck. I close my eyes and let my head lean to the side to give him more room. This feeling is just amazing! However, Phil suddenly stops kissing me, sounding just as breathless as I am.

- “Sorry, sorry... I just... We should stop before it's too... Heated. I told you, I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do now and…” He tells me out of breath and with seriousness. I look at him, noticing that he's really not playing. Especially because he stopped before going too far. This proves one more time that he really wants to try this relationship. I smile, feeling just so lucky at this moment.

- “I love you, too.” I whisper to the boy which made him look at me with surprise. He said it so many times to me but I’ve never said it back before. I never dare. I was so scared and so shy. I lean in and give him a new soft and warm kiss before taking him into my arms and letting my head in the crook of his neck. His scent is lovely. I can tell that Phil was surprised at first, but he didn’t put long to hug me back. Jessy’s brother holds me tightly, hiding his head in my neck as well, smelling my perfume. “I love you, Phil.” I whisper one more time.

- “If I knew I needed to fight with your crappy boss to hear you say it…” He says playfully which makes me softly laugh.

- “Well, actually, I was going to tell it to you tonight, anyway. I figured... I can't deny or lie about it anymore so... And I need to live my life as well, take it in my own hands... And you did prove that you want something serious with me so…” I respond to the man sincerely. I can feel my nervousness slowly fading away as I feel more and more comfortable with him. I mean, how could you not? I was starting to pull away from the hug when Phil stopped me. Oh… The man kisses my cheek delicately before kissing my lips one more time. I smile and look at him in the eyes. “Just don't break me, Phil…” I demand him, softly whispering.

- “Oh, I won't. Trust me, Gorgeous. I've been wanting you for a while now. I did lots of things to prove to you that I love you. Things I’ve never done before. The idea of me hurting you is painful. And I think that if I ever hurt you, I'll probably have all Duskwood after me.” He replies seriously to me before chuckling playfully. I chuckle back, amused.

- “Oh, I'm not sure I know that many people but... Yeah, most likely.” I answer jokingly, entering his game. The two of us laugh one more time. His smile is just so contagious. I give him one last kiss before standing up from his lap.

- “Where are you going?” He asks me, sounding disappointed that I got up from his lap.

- “The others are going to arrive soon. I don't really want them to see me taking you for a chair.” I respond with sarcasm to the man as I walk over to the bar to sit on a stool.

- “Well, I don't mind, Gorgeous. Having you sitting on my lap is kind of... Sexy.” he says with his deep voice, looking at me up and down with a smirk. I hum as I notice how hungry he actually looks. Oh boy, he’s been waiting, hasn’t he?

- “You're a naughty little devil, you know that?” I tell him while giggling.

- “Yep, but only for you, Gorgeous.” He replies with a charming tone. I place my hand over my heart before laughing.

- “Phil!” I call him through my laugh.

- “Yes, Gorgeous?” he calls me, using the same charming tone mixed with the deepness of his voice. I laugh again as my cheeks are burning. “So, are we together, MC?” He asks me more seriously.

- “Well, no.” I answer to the boy which makes him frown, confused and disappointed. “What? Don't look at me like that. Technically, we just had a... A... Very unexpected heated moment. But you never asked me out, did you?” I remind him playfully, winking at the boy. Phil laughs to my answer, understanding where I'm getting at.

- “MC, would you like to be my girlfriend?” He asks me with seriousness, yet, having the most beautiful and charming smile over his face.

- “I don't know. Give me a good reason to say “yes”.” I answer playfully. Without waiting, Phil stands up from the chair and lifts his shirt, showing me his abs. I laugh and blush while bitting my lower lip. "Definitely getting there", I tell him as I’m actually devouring his body with my eyes. Seriously, what has he done to me? Phil chuckles as he approaches me. One of his hands goes in my back while the other one passes softly in my hair, pushing it back before placing it on my cheek.

- “You're definitely going to make me a fool for you, Gorgeous.” he whispers softly and lovingly.

- “Not my plan.” I answer playfully while smiling happily. Phil smiles back to me before he slides his hand in my back, holding me against him tightly. I feel him kissing my neck again while he runs his hand in my back. I just feel so comfortable in his arms, so protected.

- “I love you.” He tells me sincerely and with love in his voice.

- “I love you.” I repeat his words with the same tone he used while literally melting in his embrace.

I was a fool for him. He was a fool for me. I was just too shy and he was another man. A lot has changed lately in my life, but this is the best thing I could dream of.

[wingedkiare]

Coming from TikTok?

I'm going to make a companion video going over Tumblr. But once upon a time, I actually had to do a video seminar about Tumblr's viability as a blogging platform. So even though I'm basically a nobody on this platform - I can talk about the differences between platforms.

What is Tumblr?

Tumblr is a blogging social network. Think of a Twitter feed, only instead of videos, photos and short tweets - you have blog posts in addition to all of that. So you can get a wide variety of content. From artwork, fanfic, humor to discussions of serious social issues.

It's whatever you make it.

How do you use it?

Tumblr can be pretty much whatever you want. Some people post random stuff, some people are focused on one topic, some people are dedicated to aesthetics. You have a main blog, but you can create any number of sideblogs.

You have a dashboard which shows all the blogs that you follow, there's a search that lets you search tags/content - though it can, depending on what platform you're on, block more adult content.

Why does everyone say I shouldn't just like posts?

So here's the thing. Tumblr has a bot problem. Specifically bots of the adult entertainment kind. So a lot of seasoned users will see a completely blank blog with zero design changes and a default userpic and assume they're a bot and block them.

I recommend making a short bio, changing the colors of your blog, making a pfp (cartoons, nature, picrewme - all of those are great. Real faces that aren't from pop culture are pretty rare). And if you don't feel like reblogging stuff yet, just make a short "I'm a real person" post.

Also: if you reblog posts, you can tag them and search that. There's no way to search likes. So it could take you forever to find something.

Like or reblog?

Most people suggest reblogging content rather than just liking it. It helps push it to a wider audience, especially for artists.

Neat features about reblogging - you can actually queue posts. That throws it into a post-later queue. In your settings, you can change how often that queue posts. A lot of people will throw things in there to avoid spamming followers. It also makes it look like you're always on, too. (Bonus if you ever talk about your real life)

Scheduling - you can schedule posts! Find something you think would be great for a holiday? You can schedule the date and time.

Reblog, never repost. Think about how even if you repost a video on TikTok, it has the watermark of that original user? Reblogging keeps their username on it - and makes sure they get credit.

There are a lot of creators over here, and people don't like seeing other people get ripped off. So reblog.

Turn off your submissions

A little known feature are submissions - where people can send you things to post. If you want to keep it on, turn it off for video or pictures. (I got several dick pics)

Tag things!

Tumblr uses a pretty great tag system. People use them to organize and to help people block content. You can mute tags, so say you don't want to see Current Popular Show spoilers, if you mute the show name and spoilers that should usually catch it - that's the way most people tag it.

ALSO - because people will mute keywords or tags, do not censor things. It'll make it so their tags won't work. So most people will tag appropriately ex: "eating disorders" and at the top of their post say TW: eating disorders (or use appropriate acronyms up there)

Handy things

If you use a computer, xkit is a browser plugin that lets you add extra features. It's community made, but there are extensions like "postblock" or quick tags or auto tagger, one-click postage.

Ads

Because of the wide variety of content, the ads on Tumblr are pretty weird. Entertaining, but weird.

Monetization

There is no creator fund type thing. Sorry. You can't even really put ads on your Tumblr blog. (If you can setup an ads.txt file, cool - but it doesn't always register the way it should)

Most Tumblrites who want to monetize will put up a link to Ko-fi or a link to their Patreon.

Hope this helps!

[the-punk-innovator]

Hiya, I really like your clothes so I have a fashion question. I’m tall and very fat and I wanted to dress punk but I could never find clothes. Not only can I not find normie clothes but I can’t find punk clothes. I’m trying to have queer vibes while looking feminine in the face and masculine in the body. How would you go at this? (I’m so sorry if this question sounds confusing. I type and talk like this often. 🤕😔

lol I got u homie, dont fret <3 Now in my last post about queer fat fems I linked this article and I’m gonna include it again in case anyone hasn’t seen it because it name drops real queer fat punks, fems, and mascs to follow. They talk a lot about shopping at ASOS, forever 21, Uniqlo , thrift stores, DXL, Zara, Torrid, and even redbubble. Those are all mostly normie type shops but with a keen eye, you can build your basics from there and I’m gonna talk about how you can easily modify that stuff to be punk. From a quick google search I also found this site that does Alt clothing up to size 5XL. Can’t vouch for it but it looks amazing. 

But your question was more specifically about how to do a fem face and masc body with the fat tall queer punk in mind.  The way I do all my punk looks are diy which is how the punk aesthetic was created. So if you can find a jacket and some jeans from those stores listed above then we’re in punk business babeeeyyy.

Here’s my Patch/pin jacket and my patch pants. My jacket was just some denim thing I found at target. My patch pants were just some old jeans that were pre ripped And normal ripped from years of wear and tear (there’s a secret patch on the thighs cuz that’s where pants actually get worn out woo). Here’s my favorite cheap diy patch shop. It’s where I got my trans is beautiful patch and the skull on my knee. The rest of the stuff on my jacket were gifts from fellow creators or pins I got from anime cons. To me this punk aesthetic has a very masc/non binary feel so I would start with making a patch jacket you can trick out with as much queer things as you please. If you can’t sew then safety pins are extremely punk (I think learning how to sew a patch stitch is easy af but there’s also fabric glue). Get some jeans, rip them up yourself. For shoes I would first choose some kind of faux doc martin cuz they make Docs much cheaper than they used to and it’s not worth the $150 investment imo. My boots are NPSs which is made by the factory that created the original doc martin. Those are expensive as hell tho so in the mean time I love converse or vans for when I’m in the pit at a punk/hardcore show. I have also thrifted some worn out leather boots for $20. The patch look pictured here can be referred to as Crust punk.  Another masc type look I love to rock is called army brat and it’s under the punk umbrella.

It’s just a tank top, thrifted leather boots, and army pants which are usually sold at army surplus stores (also the OG place to shop punk haha. Docs were accessible to punks because they were Uncomfortable to break in and cheaper at army surplus stores). I got mine off of amazon and because it’s a men’s wear item they have a larger size range for these bad boys. 

I customized it to be more trans punk by lining the tank top with an X stitch which is Super easy to do, I self taught myself that one off of youtube. I also taught myself how to make a diy stencil from tracing a design I loved, covering the paper in clear packaging tape, and using an exacto knife to cut the design out. Then I taped the design onto the tank top and painted it on with a sponge brush (a normal paint brush works too). OH also leather vests and jackets with spikes are a thing in punk. I’ve added spikes to my clothes before from buying screw spikes from a craft store like Michael’s. Leather goods can be harder to find in larger sizes unfortunately though. Here’s mine that I thrifted for $1 and added more patches mwahaha. Remember kids, nazi punks can FUCK OFF!!!!

So those are my masc punk body tips.Onto the fem face! 

photo credit 

Gosh where do I even begin. Make up is not really my forte.

Fem punk is about really big statements with your hair, eye liner, and lipstick.This can mean pink braids with a septum piercing and clear pink glasses or a mohawk, dark red lipstick, and a smokey eye. 

My typical punk make up look is really THICK eyeliner around the whole eye, no wings cuz I suck at doing them, eye shadow that matches my outfit,I fill in my eyebrows with black eyeshadow, and use a really dramatic lipstick. In this photo I have red lipstick on cuz I just dyed my hair red but usually I do black. I’ve seen other punks go REALLY ham on the liquid eyeliner and making a ton of spikes with the liner. Throwing some glitter on your cheek bones is super queer punk too.

And that’s my fashion tips for a tall fat queer punk aesthetic. Hope these helped in some way ( I know I’m skinny but I’m doing my best aaaa :v !!) and if you have anymore questions feel free to hmu~! and if you’re a fat punk fashion blogger please comment on this post so I can boost your work!!

[messinwitheddie]

I absolutely adore your Invader Zim fan art & au's. It's inspired me to make an Irken creation story. I hope you enjoy it: 

Long before Irkens, long before Irk, there was nothing. There was no sun, no moon, nor stars in the sky. There was only The Weaver. Wanting to fill the emptiness around her, she took her silk & started to weave. She weaved the planet Irk, the plants, the animals, & finally two Irkens. However, while creating the male Irken, The Weaver had run out of silk & had to finish him using clay. This is why male Irkens do not produce as much silk as female Irkens. 

 The Weaver looked upon her creations & told the two Irkens to go & live as they wish. However, the two Irkens were not able to see in the darkness as well as their creator. Having used all her silk already, The Weaver took one of her enormous eyes & it became the sun. She took another & it became the moon. Finally, the thousands of smaller eyes that dotted her face were plucked & became the stars.

That's all I have for now, but I do wish to expand this at some point. No promises on when that'll be, but hopefully it'll be soon. Thank you for reading & stay safe out there.

[I'm so honored my doodles/ au inspired you to write something like this. I would love to write an Irken origin mythos story, but I was trying to avoid any direct influence from the Book of Genisis which is hard coming from a Chatholic/ Jewish upbringing. What little became of it read like a bad rip-off of the beginning to Watership Down. XD

I love the Weaver. I love her concept and her name. A creator godess that spins the universe from nothing but a thought and desire to fill the vast emptiness with her beauty and inspiration.

The only thing I would personally like to expand upon is when she gives her Irken creations the sun to see. I always pictured ancient Irkens being subterranean and nocturnal, preferring very little light. They associate their moons and stars with life, comfort and prosperity as apposed to their sun which they associate with death, defeat and uncertainty. So may I suggest the Weaver was too generous and gave her most luminous eye as a sun at first, but it was too bright for her creations and frightened them so she gave them her second, dimmer eye/ smaller eyes to better suit their needs...or something along those lines.

That is all a personal take on Irkens though. Your story is beautifully written as is. You don't have to change a thing. ^^ Again, this is so awesome! I hope to read more. Take your time, draw all the inspiration you can and have fun.

This is a very quick half finished image of what I pictured her to look like. Her outline should be made of stars and there should be a web of constellations she spins by hand, but that i have to draw in the bsckground. No idea is this is what you pictured for the Weaver. Feel free to critique. ]

(I think I screwed something up... If I screwed something up as I posted this I apologize. I have no idea who to give credit for this idea. ^^;)

[sammysreelreviews]

Counting Down My Top 20 Films Of The Decade: Part 1

Ok so I wanted to include pictures for all 20 films so I broke the decade list into two parts! The second part will have a way longer and more sentimental intro but I’m lazy so this one is gonna be short. If you want to read my other decade lists you can read all the television ones here, here, and here AND you can catch my previous movie ones here, here, and here! Hope you enjoy the list these movies are films I’ve seen over and over again and I know you’re gonna scratch your head at a few of these but hey I like what I like okay?! As always *THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!!!*

20. The Kissing Booth (2018)

Yes you read that right I indeed put Netflix’s The Kissing Booth on my decade list. Why you ask? Well because it’s literally the perfect movie to put on for background noise, it’s cheesy as fuck which I love, and Jacob Elordi is a fucking smoke. DEAL WITH IT!

19. Project X (2012)

Project X has a special place in my heart because it came out when I was my wildest in college. It’s a party movie that never stops the momentum and honestly has one of the best soundtracks like ever. Also the car in the pool is just fucking legendary.

18. Assassination Nation (2018)

This may be one of the most underrated films fucking ever!? The story about a town that goes batshit after everyone’s internet history is exposed is wild from start to finish. The film focuses on four besties (Suki Waterhouse, Hari Nef, Odessa Young, and Abra) who have each other’s backs when the town turns against them. Bella Thorne, Bill Skarsgard, and Cody Christian are also in this! I started to write a think piece on this movie cause I really think it says a lot about today’s society but maybe I’ll finish and release it in 2020! If you’re a woman please watch this movie! Also did I mention that, Sam Levinson the creator and writer of Euphoria, also wrote this! If you love how batshit Euphoria is this is that times ten!

17. Thoroughbreds (2017)

I only saw this movie cause it was the last movie Anton Yelchin (RIP my king!) was in and even though he had a small part in this dry dark film became one of my favorites. Besides Anton being perfect, Anya Taylor-Joy and Olivia Cooke give fucking brilliant performances as ex besties turned partners in crime. If you like Gossip Girl, dry humor, and murder this is the movie for you!

16. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

I knew Leonardo DiCaprio was a phenomenal actor but I didn’t really get to see his full range until The Wolf of Wall Street. Leo is always acting serious on screen and in my experience and opinion it’s easier than being genuinely funny. Comedy is hard cause you either have it or you don’t but boy did Leo have it in this one. This movie is long but every fucking scene is bonkers. My favorite might be the fight Margot and Leo have the morning after he comes home drunk in his helicopter. “YOU WOKE UP SKYLA!” Iconic, truly. My fellow film buffs may fight me but I honestly think this is one of Scorsese’s best.

15. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Christopher Nolan was absolutely in his motherfucking bag when he was given the job to direct a Batman trilogy. There’s been so many god damn Batman movies but none of them hold a candle to any of Nolan’s and the third installment had a lot to live up to after The Dark Knight but boy did it rise to the occasion. Bane (Tom Hardy) was a super villain who people still do impressions of and Anne Hathaway does not get enough credit for her rendition of Catwoman! Ok before I forget, Joey King is in this movie but in the flashbacks you think she’s someone else and she wasn’t famous then but I knew who she was so I knew the twist at the end of the movie. Sorry I had to get that out there. Any who, no one has made a superhero franchise, besides Into the Spiderverse, that good well like ever! And no one has ever made a third movie in a series that fucking good like, ever.

14. The Duff (2015)

The movie based on the best selling YA novel was the last great teen rom com we had in YEARS before Lady Bird and Booksmart happened. I mean it’s actually fucking hysterical and I feel like it’s vastly underrated. I personally saw it because I stan miss Bella Thorne, who is excellent in it may I add, but I think everyone should watch The Duff I HIGHLY recommend it!

13. Love, Simon (2018)

Fun fact, I saw Love, Simon in theaters THREE times. Did I cry every time i saw it? Yes. Did I see it because I have a thing for Nick Robinson? Yes. Did I write a review for it that you can read here so I don’t have to talk about it for a 4th time on this blog? Yes. Watch this godforsaken movie and if you want more LGBTQ+ movies to watch check out this list of my absolute favorites here.

12. About Time (2013)

About Time is the best rom com of the 2010’s. PERIODT! Ok I was gonna end it there but honestly guys I fucking LOVE this movie so much! First of all, I have a huge girl crush on Rachel McAdams like she’s literally perfection. Domhnall Gleeson is so charming and funny in this you can’t not love him. The scene when he goes back in time and his daughter changes to a boy!? I was SHOOK. The scene where he goes back in time to see his dad again before he dies!? I CRIED REAL THUG TEARS. If you like movies that are funny, good, British, sad, have elements of time traveling, and lovey dovey, well this is the god damn movie for you. This movie should also be a tourism ad for Cornwall cause I’ve been dying to go there ever since.

11. It Follows (2014)

It Follows was the film that made me start this blog! I’ve written about it too many times to count so my review (that I wrote four years ago!) for it is here if you want to read it. It Follows started the modern horror renaissance and it has haunted me ever since the first time I saw it and that’s why I love it so god damn much.

[soaimagines]

six months

Gifs not mine, credit to owners/creators.

‼️ MAJOR SEASON 3 SPOILERS ‼️

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

Warnings: grief, mourning, loss, depression, language.

Grief plays pretty heavily through out this so please be cautious.

Authors Note: maaaan it has been so long since I’ve written something. I’m still convinced this is trash but I’m gonna post it before I yeeeeeet my laptop out the window. A huge thank you to @littleblogontheprairie , @harringtonhargrovethings and @justabasterd for reading through and encouraging me, I truly appreciate it.

Tagged For:  @yoinkpeter - @samiel-maurice455 - @total-fucktrash - @fangirlinganditswonders - @please-lives-are-at-stake - @house-in-charmingtown-imagines - @blood-on-my-french-fries - @goodiesintheclosetlove - @inlovewithagreaser - @crystalbaby12 - @fairytale-believerxx - @eternalmikaelson - @avahodge - @gingersearchingforsoul - @supernaturallymarvel - @spider–guy - @missblasphemy - @knightwolfdixon - @potatoe69fan -

I used by tag list from when I wrote for Billy ages ago so if you want to be removed/added let me know.

Masterlist

JULY

The trees lining the road blurred into an endless green, your eyes unable to focus as the car moved along the road.

Every now and then your mother would glance over at you, her brows furrowed with concern.

You knew the radio was on; it was always on. Your mother was a sucker for the latest pop hits. But you didn’t hear the music. A dull buzz seemed to take over and it wasn’t til your mother spoke your name for the third time that you actually heard her.

“Y/N? Honey?”

You couldn’t bare to look at her, to see the sympathy and worry in her eyes.

A grunt left your lips in response. You weren’t trying to be rude, you just couldn’t seem to find words.

“Do you want me to pick you up some lunch?” She pressed on gently.

You shook your head, though the movement was subtle. “I’m not hungry.”

Your mother watched as you shifted your body away from her to face the window.

The days events drifted through your mind. The funeral. There was a big turn out, which you’d expect for the ‘King of Hawkins’. The rows had been littered with girls you went to school with, and their mothers, all clad in black. Tears streamed down each of their faces, mascara staining their skin  and you knew if Billy was here he would have rolled his eyes and laughed, though a smug smile would have lingered on his lips.

You wondered if any of them had ever actually spoken to Billy. Probably not.

They didn’t even know him.

They didn’t know that he loved the hair at the back of his neck being played with, or that he liked his coffee black. They didn’t know he knew every fucking word to every Motley Crüe song and that he had an irrational fear of circus clowns. They didn’t know of the bruises that littered his body or the scar on his thigh. They didn’t know about his mother, or his father, and they didn’t know that all he ever really wanted was to be loved. They didn’t know that his laugh, his real laugh, was like summer rain and every time you heard it, no matter the weather,  the sun seemed to shine brighter.

No, they didn’t know him.

Because those things were hidden behind the walls he’d only let down for you.

And so you’d sat next to Max, ignoring the chorus of sobs that echoed through the room and you stared at the coffin, the familiar sense of numbing that you’d felt over the past room intensifying.

The service was a rush, a muddled blur. A few people spoke, droning on about some bullshit that Billy would have hated and before you knew it the door was closing on the hearse and Billy’s body was driven away.

You were brought back to reality when the car engine shut off.

Before your mother could ask how you were doing you slid out of the car and walked to the front door.

Your feet carried you to your bedroom and once the door closed behind you you let out a breath you didn’t realise you had been holding.

Bloodshot eyes scanned your room. It was the same as you’d left it this morning, but your eyes lingered on the bed.

Suddenly it seemed so.. big.

Your legs carried you forward and you slowly climbed onto the mattress.

As you lay down you closed your eyes and memories washed over you like a wave.

Images of Billy, his hair splayed against the pillow, golden curls framing his head.

The morning sunlight pouring in like marmalade, the trees outside casting shadows across his bare skin and the way his Californian tan contrasted against the white sheets. His lips pressing to your forehead when he woke, before slipping out the window before your parents came in.

His mischievous grin as he climbed through the window nearly every night and dove into the bed.

“Shhh, Billy!” You would hiss.

He would chuckle and grab your hands, pulling you towards him.

“Come here, princess.”

Your eyes flickered open and landed on the empty space next to you.

The space that would no longer feel the weight of his body.

You grabbed the pillow and hugged it tight.

It was faint, the scent of him, but it was there and you breathed it in as the tears began to flow.

AUGUST

The start of senior year wasn’t anything like you had imagined.

“One more year” Billy had told you. “As soon as you graduate we are going to California.”

You held on to that, it’s what pushed you to keep going when all you wanted was to give up. Maybe it was silly; it’s not like he’d be by your side when you crossed that state line, but you knew that you had to do it. For him.

And so you kept going to school, sinking into a familiar routine and drifting through the days as they all blurred into one.

The hallways were the worst. The whispers, the sympathetic looks. Even the laughter; not that it was directed at you. But how could anyone be that happy when the world was so cold and empty.

Many mornings now you had been late, your mind still not registering the fact that you didn’t have your own personal chaperone anymore. You walked into school alone, no arm around your shoulder or hand tucked into the back pocket of your jeans.

The jealous stares from the girls replaced with sad eyes and sympathetic smiles.

You caught the bus and you drifted through the hallways like paper moving in the wind.

Today was no different and you rummaged through your locker as the bell rang out, signalling the start of class.

With a sigh you pulled out the books you needed and slammed the locker shut  before heading to the classroom.

Desks were already filling and you eyed the rows before spotting one at the back of the room.

You stepped over bags and ignored the eyes on you as you made your way before slumping down into the chair and shifting your focus to the window. It’s not that the scenery was particularly interesting; it wasn’t. You just didn’t want to see any more apologetic smiles, as if they could possibly know what you were going through.

After a minute or two of listening to the teachers monotone voice you shifted in your seat and glanced down at your desk.

Almost immediately something caught your eye, and a breath caught in your throat.

In the corner of the desk was a carving.

A jagged ‘B.H’ with an equally messy carving of your initials underneath.

Your thumb brushed over the carving and you closed your eyes.

He had sat right here, in this seat, in this class.  

You could almost picture it, Billy, slumped in the chair with his legs stretched out, a bored expression on his face.

Billy, sitting next to his friends and laughing as they tossed pieces of crumpled paper into a girls hair.

Billy, huddled over the desk with his pocket knife, etching his initials into the wood before adding the initials of the girl he loved.

Billy, laughing, breathing, living.

Billy.

A tear spilled from your lashes and you stood abruptly, snatching your bag and rushing out of the classroom.

The teacher called after you but you didn’t stop.

You didn’t stop till you’d left the school grounds and you didn’t stop til you’d reached your street.

You didn’t stop til you’d slammed your bedroom door shut and fallen onto your bed and sobs ripped through your chest.

SEPTEMBER

The change in weather was causing havoc on your lips and you searched your room frantically for your chapstick. You searched the dresser and rummaged through your school bag with no luck before kneeling in front of the bedside table.

The drawer squeaked as you pulled it open and you rummaged through the contents.

You grabbed the tube of chapstick and were about to shut the door when you stopped.

The pack of Marlboro Red cigarettes stared back at you and you gingerly lifted the pack.

They had been stashed away for months, shoved to the back of the drawer and forgotten about.

“Just in case.” He winked and slid the drawer shut.

Your breathing quickened as rage took over and you crumpled the packet in your hands.

Without a second thought  you yanked the drawer out of its place and threw it to the corner of the room. It’s contents went flying and scattered across the floor.

You were shaking now, and tears fell steadily as you let out a jagged scream.

You swiped your arm across your bedside table, sending your lamp and alarm clock  crashing to the floor.

Leaping to your feet, your fingers tore at the posters littering your walls and you crumpled them in your hands.

You couldn’t stop,’couldn’t control yourself and the laundry hamper was flung across the room before you set your eyes on your dresser.

The lipsticks, your hairbrush, the bottles of perfume he’d brought you on Valentine’s Day.

All of it went flying as you tore through your room, demolishing anything in sight. Eventually your eyes fell on the mirror.

You stared at your reflection.

Loose strands of hair fell from your ponytail and hung around your face. Mascara stained your cheeks and there was a wild look in your eyes that you didn’t recognise.

An ugly sob tore from your throat and before you could stop yourself you clenched your first and swung.

The mirror shattered almost as fast as your heart had and the shards began to fall as you hit the glass over and over.

With bloodied knuckles and an aching heart you collapsed to the floor, your body curling up into a ball.

The crumpled pack of cigarettes lay next to you and you grabbed them, clutching them to your chest as the sobs took over.

OCTOBER

Music bellowed out into the street, disrupting the otherwise peaceful night.

You stared at the house, various Halloween decorations were scattered across the lawn and an orange glow came from every window.

Why did you let your friends talk you into this?

Before you could change your mind and run home to the comfort of your bedroom, you took a deep breath and walked into the house.

A couple were already making out, pushed up against the wall of the hallway. You shuffled past them, trying not to make any contact.

Scanning the faces of the crowd you searched for your friends.

When your eyes landed on a leather jacket you froze, for a moment, instantly mistaking the stranger for Billy.

His leather jacket had always been a regular feature of his outfits.

He had draped it over your shoulders last October, when the weather was getting colder and you had sacrificed comfort and warmth for the sake of your outfit. You had walked down the street hand in hand, laughing together about the movie you had just seen at the local cinema. But before the two of you could reach his car he had pulled you into the alleyway behind the florist.

A wicked smirk crossed his lips and you had bitten your lip as you leant against the cold bricks. He placed his hands either side of your head and leant in close and leant his forehead against yours.

You remembered how he'd kissed you, so soft and yet so rough, a sense of urgency in his lips. His hands immediately gripping your waist as he pulled you closer and your hands tangling in his hair.

You sighed and scanned the rest of the room, your eyes finally landing on your group of friends.

Shoulders brushed past you as you made your way across the room to the kitchen.

Your friends greeted you and you smiled sheepishly.

“Good to see you dressed up!” Molly said, her voice flat with sarcasm.

“I’m a mouse,” You pointed to the ears on your head. “Duh.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled, “Im glad you came.”

You smiled back at her and grabbed a red cup from the stack on the counter.

“Hey, we’re gonna go dance. Do you wanna come?” Molly asked.

You raised an eyebrow as you lifted the ladle and poured some punch into your cup. “Absolutely not. But go ahead, I'm fine.”

Molly nodded and headed off to the dance floor with the rest of the group.

You took a sip from the cup and grimaced. Whoever had spiked this punch had done an awful job, and you wondered just how many stolen bottles of liquor had been added to the bowl.

But you shrugged and took another sip. If you were gonna get through this night, you sure as hell weren't going to do it sober.

The majority of the evening you had spent perched on the edge of the sofa, watching your friends dance. They had tried to drag you onto the dance floor and you had refused each time, though you smiled at them and laughed at their goofy moves.

You were actually enjoying yourself, which surprised you, but you assumed it was mainly because of the punch you had been sipping on all night.

A large commotion outside caught your attention and you looked out to see a group of boys cheering, as they watched Tommy doing a kegstand

You remembered last year, last Halloween at Tina’s party. When you had watched Billy doing a keg stand from the sidelines, rolling your eyes at his bravado. You remembered how a trail of beer had run down his chest, gliding over his toned muscles. How he had caught you looking at him and winked, “You like what you see, Princess?”

You sighed and stood up from the sofa and you made your way to the bowl of punch.

The music was loud and you sung along to it as you filled your cup once more.

Closing your eyes you lifted the cup to your lips, your brows scrunching together as you tasted the concoction.

You didn't want to remember him. Not tonight.

Tonight you wanted to forget.

NOVEMBER

A cold wind sent a shiver down your spine and you pulled your coat tighter around your body.

Your friends laughed beside you and you forced a smile on your face, though you had missed the punchline of the joke.

Molly was sharing with the group how her date with Tommy had gone and you listened half heartedly.

She had been crushing on him for months and you were happy for her, but you didn’t want to hear about anyone else’s love life. Not when yours had ended so tragically.

Another cool gust of wind sent your hands delving deep into your pockets and you frowned slightly.

In the left pocket of your coat you felt a piece of paper and you pulled it out slowly before unfolding it.

As soon as you laid eyes on the  familiar handwriting scrawled across the page your breath caught in your throat.

Tears stung your eyes almost immediately, threatening to spill over but you held them back and read the words.

‘I cant wait to see what you buy, baby. I’ll come over tonight so you can show me. Leave your window open xx’

A smile crossed your lips and you traced over the writing with your finger.

He had slipped the note into your locker on a Friday, and he'd kept true to his words, slipping into your window in the dark of the night with a hungry look in his blue eyes.

The day before you had spent at Billy’s house, listening to music in his room.  You had stood in front of his dresser, studying the bottles of cologne and the photos from his youth. You had told him about your plans to take Max shopping to find a dress for the Snow Ball and he had rolled his eyes, “She’s got a whole wardrobe full of clothes.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes and you’d shook your head. “She needs a dress, Billy. She needs something.. special.”

Billy groaned and sat up. “You’re really gonna hang out with my sister when you could be hanging out with me?”

“Don’t be so jealous.” You snickered. “Besides, maybe I’ll pick something up for myself. Maybe..” Your voice fell off and you stepped in front of him, your hands laying on his shoulders. “Maybe something I can wear just for you.”

His eyes lit up and his tongue ran across his lip as he pulled you into his lap.

“Don’t tease me, princess.” He’d whispered before crashing his lips against yours.

Together you’d fallen back against the sheets and it wasn’t long before you were lost in hushed moans and heavy breathing, your bodies tangled together.

“(Y/N)? You okay?” Molly’s voice interrupted your daydream and you snapped back to reality.

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat and shoved the note back into your pocket. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

And you weren’t lying, not entirely.

As you held back tears the memories washed over you and you smiled.

You were okay.

DECEMBER

Christmas Eve. Even from your bedroom you could hear the carollers singing at the front door. You sighed and rolled over, turning the radio on your bedside table up louder.

You used to love Christmas. Loved waking up to fresh snow and wearing your pyjamas all morning. Drinking hot cocoa in front of the fireplace while your mother cooked up a feast in the kitchen.

But you didn’t feel the usual festive spirit this year.

He should be here.

You couldn’t help but think of last years Christmas.

How Billy had come over after dinner,

How he’d kissed you under the mistletoe, his hand tangled in your hair.

His smile, and the way his eyes had sparkled with love, or maybe it was just the reflection of the Christmas lights.

And you’d fallen asleep in his arms, your legs intertwined  and your head resting on his chest, his heartbeat your own personal lullaby.

At that memory you sat up, the full realisation that you’d never hear that sound again hit you like a truck and you clutched at your chest. Begging and pleading for God, or anyone that would listen to stop this ache that consumed you. To bring him back.

You took a deep breath and slid off the bed.

A walk would do you good. So you slipped on your boots, pulled on your coat and left the house, without a destination in mind.

Your legs seemed to make up their own mind as they carried you along the road.

Maybe deep down you knew where you were going. You’d wanted to go there for a while now but you had been scared. Scared that it would only remind you of how much you had lost.

The night was quiet and it wasn’t long before you reached your destinations

4819 Cherry Lane looked almost the same as you’d always seen it. But you couldn’t help but notice the absence of Billy’s camaro parked in the driveway. Now his usual parking spot sat empty, only a few oil stains on the concrete remained.

You took a deep breath and as quietly as you could, you walked around the side of the house, stopping in front of the third window.

You closed your eyes and for a moment the weather changed.

For a moment it was a warm summers night and the window in front of you was glowing with light. You could hear Mötley Crüe coming from his radio and the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with his cigarettes drifted out the window. His shadow cast over you as he moved across the room, cigarette pressed between his lips as he smiled at his reflection in the mirror.

And just like that he was gone.

It wasn’t summer. It was the middle of winter and you stared up at the dark window.

Sadness washed over you but you pushed on, carefully shifting a few blocks of wood to stood on top of them.

Laying your fingers on the window you took another deep breath.

It was silly to think you could actually get inside without the strength of his arms hauling you up.

But that didn’t stop you from reaching up and pushing the window open.

As quietly as you could you clambered through the window, your feet hitting the floorboards with a dull thud.

You waited patiently, listening to see if your sudden presence had been noticed.

But only silence met you and you stared sound the room as your eyes adjusted to the dark.

You tiptoed over to his lamp that sat next to his bed and you flicked the switch.

Everything was the same.

The bed was made, sheets pulled up with close to zero effort and your fingers brushed over the wrinkles in the fabric.

Cigarette butts sat in the ashtray and a small smile crossed your lips.

You walked around the room, wiping the layer of dust from the surfaces you touched and you stopped in front of the dresser.

His favourite cologne sat closest to you and you lifted it carefully. Your finger pressed down on the pump and the scent sprayed into the air.

Memories flooded you as you breathed it in, all the nights you’d spent with your head buried in his neck.

You sprayed it once more onto your neck and placed the bottle down carefully.

You stepped in front of his wardrobe and bit your lip, remember the doors had always creaked.

But you opened them anyway and ran your fingers over the fabric of his shirts.

The red shirt, that was torn from his fight with Steve yet he’d refused to throw it out.

The black shirt, that he’d worn when he first met your parents.

And the blue shirt, that he had worn last December when he told you he loved you for the first time.

Finally your fingers fell on the leather jacket and let out a breath. With careful movements you removed it from its hanger and pulled it over your shoulders.

You pulled the leather to your face and breathed in the scent, the faint hint of his cigarettes still lingering.

A tear rolled down your cheek but you didn’t notice as you closed the wardrobe doors and walked to the bed.

You pulled the sheets back and slipped in beneath them.

Moonlight shone through the window and you reached over to turn the lamp off before falling back against his pillows.

God you missed him.

But in that moment, as you laid amongst the sheets in the bed you’d spent so many nights, basking in the scent of the boy you loved, you swore you could feel him.

You could feel his arms wrapped around you, the warmth of his breath ghosting over your skin.

And as you drifted off to sleep, with tears rolling down your cheeks, you felt safe.

For the first time in six months you didn’t feel so empty.

For the first time in six months, you were home.

Masterlist

[splendidlyimperfect]

Sting’s entire life changed when he was eleven years old and his best friend Rogue told a secret that he’d promised to keep. Taken away from the father who abused him and the best friend who’d tried to save him, Sting tried to start a new life with his uncle. But the trauma wasn’t easy to escape, and eventually Sting turned to drinking to forget the things that hurt. 

Now he’s an adult, and he hasn’t been sober in years. But when drinking nearly kills him and a near-stranger saves his life, Sting has a chance to turn his life around, and maybe become the man that Rogue deserves to love.

Chapter Summary: Sting meets Gray and tries his best to help.

Chapters (18/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel & Sting Eucliffe, Gray Fullbuster & Sting Eucliffe, Sting Eucliffe & Weisslogia   Additional Tags: modern au, childhood friends, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, child abuse, alcoholism, drug use, recovery

**TW for discussion of abuse and past self-harm/suicidal thoughts

-----

help \ ˈhelp verb : to give assistance or support to

.

xviii spring age twenty-four

.

“Sorry I’m late.”

Natsu flops down into the booth across from Sting, tossing his bag into the corner and running a hand through his messy hair. His eyes are red, and he looks like he’s barely slept.

“You look like shit.”

“I know,” Natsu mumbles, rubbing his eyes and gratefully taking the cup of coffee that Sting pushes across the table at him. He grabs a handful of sugar packets and rips them open all at the same time, dumping them in the cup and stirring it. “It was a late night.”

Sting nods. He’d only received two short texts from Natsu after the first one – His name is Gray now, and I need to talk to you; tmw at 1? He’s about to ask what happened when the server appears at their table. “Good afternoon,” he says. “Welcome to…”

Continue reading on AO3

The man trails off, staring past Sting at Natsu with wide eyes. Sting immediately recognizes him from the picture on their old fridge – his hair is shorter, and his face is leaner, but he’s definitely the same person that Natsu has been desperately in love with for years.

Natsu looks like he might say something, but then the man – Gray – turns to look at Sting and his eyes widen further, this time in fear. It takes Sting a second to realize that Gray is staring at the badge on his uniform. An unsettled feeling creeps into Sting’s stomach as he starts to take in more details – the dark circles under Gray’s eyes, the way he’s clutching the menu with fingers that are turning white, the faint red mark on his cheek.

“You must be Gray,” Sting says, giving him his best warm smile and reaching out his hand. “I’m Sting – a friend of Natsu’s from college.” The relief on Gray’s face is obvious, and Sting’s heart aches as he quickly puts the pieces together. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Gray says, voice soft as he shakes Sting’s hand. He’s like a rabbit, skittish and ready to bolt, and Sting wishes that he didn’t recognize himself in Gray’s eyes.

Natsu leans forward and starts to say something, but Gray quickly interrupts him.

“Sorry, I, uh—there was a mistake, I…” He sways unsteadily and Sting’s ready to reach out again, but Gray catches himself on the table and stares down at the floor. Before Natsu can say anything, Gray turns around and runs.

“Fuck,” Natsu whispers, rubbing his face with both hands as he watches Gray retreat to the kitchen. “Shit, he probably thinks I’m stalking him. I swear I didn’t know he worked here.”

Sting doesn’t answer, just stares at the kitchen door as it swings back and forth. His stomach is twisting itself into knots, trying to push away memories of anger and fear and hurt. He knows exactly why Gray ran away, and he wishes he didn’t.

Another waiter appears quickly, a young girl with blond hair who is friendly and sweet. Once she’s taken their order, Natsu takes a handful of coffee creamers and starts to stack them into a tower.

“What happened last night?” Sting asks, even though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer.

The tower of creamer cups falls over and Natsu starts to stack them again. “We were…”  

“Drunk?”

Natsu winces. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Was he with somebody?”

Natsu shakes his head. “He was alone, and he—god, I was so excited ‘cause I finally found him, I haven’t… I haven’t seen him in five years. He looks so different. I missed him so fucking much.”

Sting can tell that Natsu is fighting tears, and he reaches across the table to squeeze his hand. “I know you did,” he says softly.

“We both had too much to drink,” Natsu says. “I didn’t know… we were making out, I don’t remember who started it, and he came back to my hotel with me, but then he was… he seemed so upset. And he told me he had a boyfriend and left, but he forgot his jacket, so I went to look for him and I found him throwing up in the alley and crying, it was…”

Natsu lets go of Sting’s hand and rubs his face with both hands, then runs his fingers through his hair, groaning in frustration.

“He was so scared,” Natsu says, looking down at the table. “I paid for a cab to get him back home, but he was terrified. I’d never seen him like that before.”

Sting’s heart aches. “Someone’s hurting him.”  

“I know,” Natsu says sadly. “It’s his boyfriend, but he won’t admit it, and I don’t know what to do.”

~

They spend the rest of the meal talking quietly, but Sting can tell that Natsu’s heart isn’t in it. He keeps looking over Sting’s shoulder, searching the restaurant for another sign of Gray. Sting sees him a few times in another section, but he pointedly avoids them for the rest of the meal.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sting says gently when Natsu contemplates asking the manager to talk to Gray. “I know you want to see him, but if you’re right about his boyfriend, that could make things worse.”

Natsu’s jaw tightens and he looks like he’s going to cry. “I know that, I just…”

“Here.” Sting hands him a pen. “Write him a note, let him know you’re gonna be at the beach later. Then it’s up to him if he wants to come meet you.”

Natsu nods and quickly scribbles something on the paper, then folds it a few times and writes Gray on it. He tucks it into the sleeve of the credit card holder, then looks past Sting once more toward the kitchen.

“Natsu,” Sting says gently as they head out the restaurant and back into the spring afternoon. “You have to think about this. What are you planning on doing?”

“I don’t know,” Natsu says. “I just want to talk to him. I missed him so fucking much, I don’t want to lose him again.” He looks down at the scuffed toes of his shoes. “Can you—is there anything you can do?”

Sting sighs. “Not really,” he admits. “He’s an adult, he’s legally allowed to make his own decisions. And involving the police – if he’s not ready to leave or admit something’s wrong – can make it worse a lot of the time.”  

“Fuck.”

“I’m sorry.” Sting’s chest aches at the helpless expression on Natsu’s face. “I can keep an eye on him. This place is pretty close to the precinct, it wouldn’t be suspicious.”

Natsu nods, staring back at the restaurant. “I wanted to find him,” he says quietly, “But I didn’t want it to be like this.”

~

Sting keeps his word and visits the restaurant as often as he can. Gray works most days, and while he’s wary of Sting at first, eventually he starts to relax and talk a little. They never talk about Natsu – Sting can tell that Gray wants to ask, but he doesn’t know how to bring it up.

Over the next few months, Sting starts to learn things about Gray. He’s smart – he wants to be an engineer one day – and he’s kind. He has a Rottweiler named Bella. He likes his coffee black and his eggs over easy, and he’s definitely being abused.

“You don’t look so great,” Sting says one afternoon as Gray refills his coffee. Gray’s eyes are red, and his hair is a mess, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in a few days. Sting’s pretty sure he saw a bruise peeking out from under the collar of his shirt earlier.

Gray doesn’t answer and Sting frowns. “Gray? You okay?”

Gray stares at Sting for a few seconds, then quickly shakes his head.

“Yeah, it’s… I’ve just been sick.” The words are hollow, and his smile is forced. “I’m fine.”

You’re not, Sting thinks, guilt and frustration welling up inside him. It doesn’t have to be like this, please let me help you.

“Rogue came down with something last week, too,” he forces himself to say instead. Then his police radio crackles and Gray is so startled that he jumps back from the table. Before Sting can ask anything else, Gray gives him a quick smile and backs away, then turns and heads toward the kitchen.

Sting runs his fingers over the bill and stares down at his forearms. He’s wearing his long-sleeved uniform today and his scars are hidden, but he has every one of them memorized. His skin carries so many memories – bruises in the shape of his dad’s fingerprints, a burn from one of Ryan’s cigarettes, self-inflicted marks that will never disappear.

I’m fine. He’s ten and his teacher asks why he doesn’t have a lunch, and how he got the bruise on his arm.

I’m fine. He’s eleven and Uncle Wes keeps asking him how he’s feeling.

I’m fine. He’s fifteen and the school counsellor asks if he’s been sleeping okay.

I’m fine. He’s seventeen and a woman at the bus stop wants to know if he needs money for the ride home.

I’m fine. He’s nineteen and his coworkers are asking why he’s hungover every goddamn day.

But he was never fine, and Gray isn’t either, and there’s nothing Sting can do.

~

If you need help and you can’t tell someone, ask me if I want decaf coffee next time I’m here. I’ll know what you mean and do what I can to help. People care about you. ~Sting

~

That evening Sting gets a text from Natsu.

 Natsu [17:23] he texted me.

 A wave of fear rushes through Sting and he sits down heavily on the couch, holding his phone in both hands. Rogue frowns, looking up from his crochet project and setting it down on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks, shifting closer to Sting and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“I’m not sure,” Sting says. He leans into Rogue’s embrace as he replies.

 Sting [17:24] Is he okay?

Natsu [17:24] no but i cant fucking do anything. he said i cant text him or call him. that fucking asshole is hurting him and i just wanna drive out there and take him away.

 Rogue reads the message over Sting’s shoulder, making a sad sound and pulling him closer.

 Natsu [17:25] i gave him your # and said if he needed help to text u. im so scared for him. this is his # but u can’t text him or call him.

Natsu [17:25] Shared Contact: Gray <3 (G)

 Sting saves the number, staring at it for a minute and wishing he could just call it and drive over there and bring Gray here, where he’ll be safe. He knows Gray isn’t ready, though, and it hurts.

 Sting [17:26] I’ve got it saved. I told him today that if he needs help he can ask me if I want decaf when I’m there. I’m sorry I can’t do more.  

Natsu [17:27] its ok. i hope he texts me again. i miss him so much.

 “I’m sorry,” Rogue murmurs as Sting sends a quick reply, then sets his phone down on the table. He turns to Rogue and curls up against him, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. Rogue smells like coffee, and he’s warm and comforting – Sting’s safe place.

“I just want to help,” Sting says quietly. Frosch, their new kitten, hops up onto the couch and meows at Sting loudly before curling up on his stomach. He sighs, stroking the soft fur behind her ears.

“You are helping,” Rogue says. “Maybe just knowing that he has people looking out for him is enough right now.”

“Maybe.” Sting nudges Rogue until he’s lying back against the couch and Sting’s curled up in his arms. Sting’s wearing a t-shirt now and can see every scar, and when Rogue notices him staring, he takes Sting’s arm and kisses the marks. “It’s weird,” Sting says quietly, “being on the other side.”

“What do you mean?”

“Trying to help instead of refusing it.” He tips his head back until he can see the photo of him and Uncle Wes hanging on the wall. Rogue took it a couple years ago at the pride parade – they’re both wearing rainbow t-shirts and Sting’s cheeks are covered in glitter. “Is this how Uncle Wes felt?”

Rogue doesn’t answer, just kisses Sting’s forehead and holds him closer. A lump grows in Sting’s throat and he tries to swallow it down, but a few stray tears escape. Rogue brushes them away with his thumb and leans in to press a soft, gentle kiss to Sting’s lips.

Sting returns the kiss, then rubs his eyes and says, “I need to go see Uncle Wes.”

~

As soon as Uncle Wes opens the front door, Sting pulls him into a hug.

“Are you all right?” Uncle Wes asks, voice filled with concern as he returns the embrace. “Are you hurt? Where’s Rogue?”

“He’s at home, I’m fine,” Sting reassures him, pulling back and rubbing his face. “I, um… needed a hug.” Now that he’s here, the idea of driving an hour and a half just for a hug seems silly.

“Of course,” Uncle Wes says without hesitation. “You’re always welcome here. Come in.” He holds the door open and gestures for Sting to come into the living room, then settles down next to him on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

“One of my friends is… in a shitty situation,” Sting says, curling up in the corner of the couch. Uncle Wes still has the same knitted blanket that he’d grown attached to after moving here as a kid, and Sting pulls it off the back of the couch and drapes it over his legs.

“What kind of situation?”

“His partner is hurting him,” Sting says quietly, “And he’s not ready to leave.”

“Ah.” Uncle Wes nods. “And you know how hard that can be.”

Sting sighs, tugging at one of the pieces of yarn that’s coming loose from the blanket. “Yeah,” he says. “I want to help, but I can’t, and… is this what you felt like? For all those years?”

Uncle Wes doesn’t answer right away. Instead he looks over at the side table where there’s a picture of the two of them on Sting’s twelfth birthday. Sting remembers it like it was yesterday – the first time in a long time that he’d felt safe and entirely at peace. Right before everything had fallen apart.

“It was hard,” Uncle Wes admits. “I wanted to make it better for you – to take away all the things that hurt you and make them disappear. I felt helpless, watching you have nightmares, and cry, and get so angry.”

“I’m sorry,” Sting says, but Uncle Wes shakes his head.

“You were hurting,” he says. “And your friend is, too. But you can’t take those things away for him. You can’t fix it.”

“I know,” Sting says miserably, thinking about the way Gray had jumped at the static from his radio earlier. His mind drifts to days with Ryan, to the blur of shouting and drinking and wanting to die.

“You found your way eventually,” Uncle Wes says. “And so will he.”

“But what do I do?” Sting asks. “What can I do now, to make it better?”

“All you can do is love,” Uncle Wes says, reaching out and squeezing Sting’s knee. “Love, and have hope.”

[warmaidensrevenge]

It's not a never.

Pairings: Eddie x best!friend fem plus size reader

A/N: Hey there. Sorry this upload was late. I had to work an unscheduled shift. But anyway, here it is. I hope you all enjoy this. Please feel free to share or comment. I'm always a sucker for comments. As always, thanks for reading. Kay love ya byyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. All pictures and songs were from a Google search and found on Spotify. A credit to the original posters and artists.

Word count: 4,135

Warnings: 18+ No minors. Language, angst, slow burn, sexual situation and not proof read. All a

Part 3: Hope

Summary: Rejection, friendship, love and heart ache. What's next?

The next day Eddie was hoping to have that long conversation. But you were nowhere to be found. He waited in the quad in the usual spot in the morning. But you didn't show. He kept looking at the cafeteria door every time someone walked in during lunch, hoping you would come. Still nothing though.

The last chance he would see you was in Mrs O'Donnells class. He knew you had to work after school so he wouldn't be able to see you for the rest of the day. 

When he sat at his desk he noticed your backpack in the seat next to him. So you were there. You were just ignoring him.

The worst thing that could happen, did. He confessed how he felt and you were avoiding him. Now he wished he hadn't said anything.

The classroom door opened and you came in with some guy. You looked like you didn't sleep at all. You were pale and looked like you were gonna pass out. 

Did he do that to you? 

You then caught his eye and smiled a little. He lifted his hand to wave but you turned around to talk to Mrs O'Donnell.

“ Hey, teach. Umm this is Glenn. He's interested in taking over my column in the school paper. I already showed him around the workspace and how to lay out the stories.”

Mrs O'Donnell grinned. “ Perfect and did you teach him-”

“ Yes. He knows how to use the computer and how to search for information.”

As soon as the conversation was over, you went to sit down.

He leaned in. “ You feeling okay?”

You raised your hand and rocked it from side to side. 

Now he was worried. “ Want me to get you some medicine or something to drink?”

You shook your head. “ I'm okay.”

His brows pinched together. Even your voice sounded different. “ Are you-”

“ Mr Munson. Is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?”

He looked towards the front of the class at Mrs O'Donnell. “ Umm what?”

She looked over her glasses at him. “ Mr Munson, as happy as I am to see you finally graduate, there are still some students that are here to learn.”

He gave her a thin lip smile and looked back at you. “ Sorry Mrs O'Donnell.”

She started the class and you ripped out a page from your notebook and handed it to him.

“ I feel like death but I'll be okay. Can I come by after work? We can talk.”

He looked at you and nodded. He then folded the note and stuffed it into his pocket.

-

It was almost 8 pm. Eddie kept looking at his watch for the past hour. Preparing for the talk. 

But once his uncle left for work, he started getting ancy.

That's when he needed a smoke.

He went outside and sat on the steps. After the first cigarette was burned out, he lit another. Then headlights blinded him for a second. He quickly tossed the smoke after he heard you coughing.

You got out and made your way to him. Somehow you looked worse than before.

“ Hey dude. Sorry I'm late. I'm feeling like dog poop.”

He stood up. “ Anything I can do? I can make you some tea.”

You coughed again. “ Tea would be nice. But I don't want you to get sick. Besides, I can't stay too long. My parents want me home before 10.

He looked down at his watch and frowned. You guys only had 40 minutes. “ Well, do you want to come inside?”

You shook your head. “ No. That's okay. I would totally fall asleep in there. It's best if we stay out here. The fresh air will do me good.”

So far this conversation wasn't going well. Which started to make him feel insecure.

He then watched as you walked towards him and sat on the steps. Pulling him down to sit with you.

He swallowed thickly. Trying to figure out what to say. “ How did you get so sick so fast?”

You sniffled and shrugged. “ I guess my body isn't used to getting sneezed on the back of the neck in the subway.”

He chuckled lightly. “ Gross.”

“ Yeah. But it's just the flu I think, so I'm not dying.”

He grinned. “ Good.”

The tension started to build after that. The silence that ensued was almost unbearable.

“ So... why do you think you've fallen for me?” You asked all nonchalantly. 

He sucked in a sharp breath and rubbed his hands on his knees. “ Ermmm I- honestly I don't know why this happened. All I know it's that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about you.”

You sighed and nodded slightly. “ Since prom right?”

He licked his lips and leaned his elbows on his knees. “ Yup.”

You went quiet for a second. Then you coughed. He looked at you and offered up some water and a cough drop.

“ Eddie, I'm fine. Really…let's continue…So you find me attractive because of how I dressed at prom?”

He hung his head. “ It started that way.”

“ And now you don't?”

“ N-no. I do. It's just more. You know.”

You nodded. “ Why?”

He looked at you. “ What do you mean?”

You met his gaze. “ Why is it more now?”

He shrugged and looked away. “ I guess I just see that you're amazing.”

Your laugh was a little raspie. “ And I wasn't amazing before?”

His eyes found yours again and he smiled. “ Guess not.”

You shoulder bumped him. “ Shut up.”

You guys chuckled for a second before it got serious again.

“ What about you?” He asked. “ When did it happen for you?”

You leaned back a bit. Resting on your hands behind you. Looking up at the stars. “ I want to say it was after I got over the crush I had on Jason.”

His eyes went wide. “ That-that was 2 years ago.”

You turned your head towards him. “ Yeah…it was. I guess you can say my type changed.”

He leaned back too and mimicked your actions. “ Why didn't you say anything?”

You faced the sky again and closed your eyes. “ You were seeing Marci. Then after her, there was that girl from the bar.”

He watched you as you sat up straight and looked at the ground. 

“ I came to the conclusion that it was stupid to like, like one of your friends…then it got harder. Being who we were around each other. Close, comfortable. And I tried to not let it affect me…but then nana died.”

He sat up too and turned his body towards you. 

You sniffled again. “ It's not the fact that you were there for me. But how you were there for my mom. How you were there for my dad…I remember when you and my dad were playing pool in the garage. It was the first time I heard him laugh in weeks. And with my mom…that's when you started hitting on her, just to get her to smile. Well that and you knew it annoyed me…I fell in love with you then. But I also knew that I couldn't do anything about it because you were family. And I didn't want to lose you too.”

When you started to cry he put his arm around your waist and pulled you closer. 

You wiped your tears on your sleeve. “ You have been different since prom. And I thought it was because we're graduating soon. I thought it was because you were gonna miss me.”

“ I am gonna miss you.”

You turned to face him. He bore deep into your eyes. 

“ Not as much as I'm gonna miss you.”

His heart was racing. You were so close. Your lips were merely inches apart. 

“ I really want to kiss you.” He confessed in a soft tone.

You didn't look away or try to get out of his embrace. And he took that a go ahead. He closed his eyes and leaned in. 

He could feel your hot breath against his lips and it sent shivers down his spine. 

Just before your lips touched, he felt your hand on his chest. Then you moved your head down. Making him pull back slightly. 

“ Eddie.” You whispered. “ We can't.”

He held you a little tighter. “ If it's cuz you're sick, I don't care.”

The look you had in your eyes he knew that wasn't it. So he let you go and felt broken. This wasn't what he wanted.

“ Eddie, I'm sorry. As much as I wanted this I-” you cut off and stood up.

He couldn't look at you. If he did he would end up crying.

“ I get that you're hurting right now. And I'm sorry that I'm the reason for it… it's just…Eddie please look at me.”

He flexed his jaw and did his best to not break down. When he finally looked at you, all he saw was his very sad sick friend. He knew you didn't want or mean to hurt him. And he felt like he would have never seen you so upset if he just kept his mouth closed.

“ I need you to hear me okay? We graduated in less than 2 weeks. After that, everything changes. And it's gonna be harder than we think to say goodbye to each other…if we do this now, it's gonna be that and so much more.” You shook your head. “ And I can't do that. I can't just be all in with you, just to have to say goodbye in 2 weeks…all I want is for things to be normal. I want to hang out with you and the guys like always. I want us to watch movies and play video games. I want to spend as much time together as possible. Because in a few days you're not gonna be an 8 minute drive anymore. I won't be able to hug you or laugh with you. I won't be at your band practices or show up to gigs…I just want the little time we have to be friends….just friends. Cuz I don't think I can handle anything more than that.”

He sat there and understood everything you just said. And though you rejected him, you were right. 

He wanted you. All of you. But risking these last few days for something that was gonna end before it could even start. It wasn't ideal. Still, a few days with you would be better than not having you at all. Right?

He could argue and tell you that he would give anything to call you his. Even if it was just for a moment. But he wasn't going to. 

Instead he got up and wrapped his arms around you. “ You're right. You're always right kid…I'm just sorry that I was late to the party.”

You hugged him back and apologized too.

“ Let me take you home.”

You pulled away and shook your head. “ No. How will you get back?”

He gave you a little smile. “ I'll walk.”

You coughed then refused.

“ It's okay.” He assured you. “I need time to lick my wounds.”

Your eyebrows knitted together and you gave him another sad look.

He gave you a little smile. “ Really. This was actually the nicest rejection I've ever got. Now common. Before your mom calls the cops.”

-

He gave you one last hug before turning to leave you on your doorstep. 

“ Eddie.”

He looked over his shoulder. “ Yeah?” 

“ You know with us, it's not a never… it's more like not right now.”

He pressed his lips into a thin smile. “ Gareth was right.”

You raised a brow. Silently asking what?

He sighed and put his hands in his pockets. “ He said that talking to you about this might make me feel better. “

“ Did it?”

He grinned. “ Yeah.”

You waved him goodbye and went inside. He spent the next 30 minutes wishing things ended differently.

…

Graduation day

Everyone was so excited to finally receive their diplomas. Eddie kept his promises. He gave his classmates the bird and ran off the stage. 

He didn't go far though. He waited in the parking lot for everyone. Secretly, he wanted to run out before everyone so he could grab the graduation gift he got for you. 

There was a second there where he felt like maybe the bouquet for roses and balloons were too much, but he didn't care. 

And seeing your face light up when you saw them was everything. 

You gave him a big hug and thanked him. “ I still have to pick yours up.”

He still kept you within arms reach but took a half a step back. “ You didn't have to get me anything.”

You just smiled and turned to give everyone else a congratulatory hug. 

“ What the hell boy?!” Wayne said, hitting him upside the head.

“ Geez! I'm sorry man. I had too.” he said, rubbing the back of his head.

Wayne gave him a death stare but then smiled. “ Congratulations son.”

He grinned and gave him a hug. “ Thanks man.”

Soon after the pictures were taken, everyone got dinner together. 

The whole night Eddie watched you. He saw your smiles and heard your laughter. But in your eyes there was a hint of tears. 

He wished he could kiss that away. He wished he could hug that sadness out of existence. But he promised to just be your friend until you gave him the go ahead. 

Little did he know he would get his wish.

As the night went on, all of his friends ended up at Gareth's after the parents and parental figures went home. 

First was playing a few songs in the garage, while you sat listening. Then it was talking and playing video games. 

Sometime in the middle of it all, you disappeared. Which of course prompted Eddie to look for you. 

When he found you, you were outside on the porch swing.

“ Hey! Whatcha doing out here? It's almost our turn.” He said, taking a seat next to you.

You gave him a sweet little smile. “ Nothing much. Just going through the year book.”

You scooted closer to him and showed him the pictures of clubs and prom. 

“ Do you remember when I went through a phase where I thought records were the best way to listen to music?”

He nodded. “ Yeah and we stole a bunch of milk crates to store your giant collection.”

You let your head fall back. “ And none of them fit in the damn things.”

You both laughed at the funny memory. And once it died down he shook his head.

“ I cut my shin climbing that barbed fence….when you saw the blood you nearly passed out.”

You giggled. “ But I didn't. I patched you up and kissed your wound.”

He shoulder bumped you.“ Then you passed out.”

You both chucked. But soon after, it was quiet. He moved closer to you and put his arm on your shoulders. His thumb subconsciously caressed your arm.

“ Oh! Almost forgot.” You said leaning forward and pulling out a black leather box from your backpack. 

You handed it to him after.

He grinned and opened it up. There laid on a little silk pillow was a gold watch with leather bands.

“ Uhh wow! This…looks…expensive.”

“ It's from my parents and me…it's engraved on the back.”

He glanced at you before looking back at the Hublot. He slid it off the tiny pillow and turned it over. Silently reading the inscription.

‘ To E.M,

Follow your dreams.’

“ I love it.” he whispered. “ Help me put it on yeah?”

You turned slightly towards him and removed his old watch. Then replaced it with the gifted one. 

He stared at it for a second. Really appreciating the beauty of it. Then he noticed you still had your hand in his. When he looked at you, you were biting your lip and looking down.

You must have sensed him staring and you met his eyes. 

He swallowed out of nervousness, when he saw a glimmer of something in your eyes. 

“ Ummm…here. You can have this one.” He said turning towards you. He reached for your right hand and put on his old watch. “ Now you have something to remind you of me.”

He made eye contact again. This time though he swore he saw you gulp too.

“ Like I could ever forget you, Eddie.”

He smirked a little and kept staring deeply into your eyes. What were the chances that you might want to kiss him now? Should he try again?

“ Kiss me.”

His mouth parted a touch as he sucked in a breath. “ W-what?”

You leaned in a bit and whispered it again.

This was it. The moment he had been dreaming about since his feelings changed. 

He lifted his hand to cup your cheek. Gently dragging his thumb across your bottom lip. All the while moving closer.

His heart was racing and he held his breath. Your lips just barely grazed one another right before the front door opened. Causing you and him to pull away from each other.

Gareth came out. “ Guys! It's your turn. What are you doing?” 

Eddie looked the opposite way of you and cursed under his breath. Yet another moment gone.

“ Emm n-nothing. Just reliving some memories.” You answered.

Gareth looked at both of you with suspicion. “ Okayyy… So you guys coming or what?”

Eddie stood quiet. Trying to hold back his frustration.

“ Ummm actually… I think I want to sleep in my own bed tonight.” You said, making him look at you. “ Do you think you can give me a ride?” 

-

During the drive to your house you asked him to take you somewhere quiet. So Eddie drove out to a spot near skull rock. 

When he turned the van off you sat there fidgeting. 

“ So uhh why did you want to come here?” He asked.

He heard you sigh a little before watching you get up and climb to the back. He followed right after.

You guys sat across from each other. With the tension getting thicker by the second, you took off your shirt.

He sat there in utter amazement. Your chest was so full and looked so soft, his mouth nearly watered. 

“ Eddie?”

He looked up to find your very curious eyes on him. 

“ Are…are you sure?” He nervously asked. 

You smiled softly at him before unclasping your bra. 

He groaned lightly at seeing your buds harden as the air hit them. 

He watched as you took off your shoes and your bottoms. Until all that was left was your panties.

You looked back at him and cleared your throat. Breaking him from his trance.

He quickly took off everything but his boxers and pulled you to lay next to him. 

As you both stared deeply into each other's eyes, he caressed your arm. 

“ Can I kiss you now?”

You scoffed a small laugh and nodded.

He raised to lean on his elbow and cupped your face. This time, his thumb traced the apple of your cheek. 

It was a kiss that carried the weight of desire and love. All things unspoken and built up emotion was poured into that one perfect kiss. It was passionate and all consuming. But at the same time it was terrifying. 

You had awoken something in him with your lips. It was chaotic and peaceful.

It was magic.

That's all he could describe it as. 

The kissing could have gone like that all night and he wouldn't have cared. But as fingers traced the contours of one another's bodies, things became more intimate. 

The warm air of the van was charged with fevery intensity. With every kiss and touch being a silent invitation to explore more.

Heavy breaths and soft moans bounced off the walls. Creating a warm loving bubble of passion neither one of you wants to leave.

Eddie's lips travel down your neck and across your chest

Your raised skin gave him the indication that you liked what he was doing. He moved lower to kiss your plush belly.

Your hands get lost in his hair as he reaches for your underwear. 

He looks up at you, silently asking for permission.

You bite your lip and give him one small nod.

He peels them off slowly. Getting them past your bottom and over your knees. Finally down your calves and around your ankles. 

Next, his blue plaid boxers join your garment somewhere in the van.

Once protection is in place, he settles between your legs. Crashing his lips into yours in a wet needy kiss.

This wasn't just sex. Not just some hook up. This was you. This was love making.

His lips hovered over yours as you two became one. A hushed gasp left your lips as he pushed himself in. His mouth fell open and his eyes squeezed shut at the feeling of you hugging him ever so tight.

He went slow at first. Conquering your pulsating warmth inch by inch. Claiming it as his and only his. Because it was. At least for tonight.

Then when you got used to his length, he picked up his pace a bit. With your hips pushing against his to get him to go even deeper. 

He opened his eyes to see you had yours closed. With your mouth slightly agape and your brows furrowed. 

You were stunning. The sounds you were making and the face you made out of pleasure, made him want to record it and take a picture. Just so that he could have evidence of the best night of his life.

Moans and grunts grew louder the closer you both got to a release. And all he could think about was making sure you came first.

Then a few more delicious thrusts and he felt it. He felt your warm wet velvet walls flutter then began to tighten.

You were almost there.

That's when his hip thrusts became short. He hit a small spot deep within you. Causing you to mewl out his name. It was like ramming into a pillowy wall. Making him experience a different type of pleasure he's never had.

And just like that, his and yours orgasm took over your bodies. Making his toes curl.

His body jerked as yours trembled after the fact. 

And once he toppled off to the side he shook his head in disbelief. 

He laid there for a second, trying to catch his breath. Afterwards, he pulled you into his arms. 

He was exhausted. And from your slow and steady breaths, you were too.

“ How do I let you go to California after that?”

You snuggled up closer and rested a hand on his chest before answering in a sleepy voice. “ I guess... the same way I have to let you go to New York.”

His heart cried out in a shaky sigh as he felt the prickle of tears. 

You were right. It was going to be impossible to say goodbye tomorrow. 

Rather than letting the reality of the outside penetrate the small bubble of heaven you guys created. You held each other. 

Following heartfelt words and promises to keep in touch, he felt himself drifting to sleep. 

Then he felt you tracing something on his chest. He tried to focus on it before falling asleep. And when he figured it out, he smiled and kissed your forehead.“ I love you too.”

Wrapped up in the warmth of your love, you both fell into a peaceful slumber.

…

The morning came too fast for his liking. Though you both were happy, you both got dressed in silence. 

Even the drive to your house was quiet. When he pulled up in your driveway you sat for a while. Staring at your house. 

“ I had a really great time last night.”

You looked down and grinned. “ Me too.”

He reached for your hand and laced his fingers with yours. “ What happens now?”

You shrugged. “ I…I think we should leave things how they are. We had an amazing last night together. And I wouldn't change it for anything…But the truth is, it's better if we just take it for what it was. A really great goodbye.”

His heart sank but he had to agree. There was no way you guys could be together right now. Not with all the plans that were in place.

You gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before hopping out of the van. 

His heart felt like it was breaking seeing you walk up the driveway. But then you stopped and turned around. You gave him that sweet little smile he loved so much and came to the driver side window. 

“ Hey ummm mom promised to make pancakes today. If you want to join us.”

Then there was hope. Hope for something more. Hope that last night wasn't just a goodbye. But the start of something truly worthwhile.

He smirked. “Definitely. I love your mom's pancakes.”

…

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @ohmeg @eddiesguitarskills @trashywormeateroffics @crookedcrone

[seeksstaronmewni]

Joel R. Valentine: An Under-Appreciated Sound Designer

Note before reading that, for the sake of privacy, NO PICTURES of Joel IN HIS STUDIO are allowed in this post. I respect him as a humble artist enough to obey this.

Joel Valentine is a sound designer who is usually credited for only sound editing, usually under the name of his company “Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc.” (AKA “21st Century Sound Design Corp.)--a private contractor who seems fairly under-appreciated. He created “The Producer’s Sound Effects Library” (according to Trademarkia), which is used by Hacienda Post, Jeff Hutchins, Atlas Oceanic, and maybe even Advantage Audio.

In more familiar context, Joel is the sound designer of mostly cartoons, namely Cartoon Network projects and the works of Craig McCracken and Genndy Tartakovsky, like The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack, as well as Dexter’s Laboratory (Joel is credited for sound design on the package design/summary of Dexter’s Laboratory: Ego Trip, however, and as a sound editor on the special). Joel Valentine is responsible for the soundtrack to many of my favorite childhood cartoons... or cartoon cartoons, to be a bit more specific.

"Edits fast, sounds great, and doesn't break. The DM -80's multilayering capabilities and simultaneous recording on all tracks gives us the flexibility to do whatever we want."

This is a quote from Joel Valentine on the DM-80, from a supplement to a March 1994 issue of BROADCAST engineering / BE Radio.

Jeff Hutchins, the sound designer behind Spongebob Squarepants and a creative at Hacienda Post/Sabre Media/Flash Bomb Audio and Warner Bros. Sound/Audio Circus, was an assistant to Joel Valentine. They both edited sound on 2 Stupid Dogs and Dead in the Water. Jeff Hutchins made a number of tweets to me that compliment and reference Joel Valentine:

“Joel was a master of recording and funny sounds. He is still the a pillar of cartoon sound and I wish to recognize him. I believe he was working and had credits prior to 1985. Few people enter the business as a mixer. Look up Harmony Gold. Things should pop up”

“Joel is an incredible talent and I think the world of him. Rock on Joel!”

“Joel has a crisp & distict style. He had moved on to Samurai Jack and Hacienda started to do the FX for Dexter’s Lab. I did a few of them and really tried to retain Joel’s style. Not an easy task.”

“Joel gave me a copy of his “Producer’s SFX Library”. Joel also gave me his ADAP Library in exchange for transferring it to .wav files. I would give him any SFX he asked for.”

“In the “2 Stupid Dogs” days Joel was at the heart of everything. There wasn’t another like him. To this day, I thank him for being so out side the box as to redefine “out side the box”. Thx my brother in sound. Joel was creating the sound tract for a show called “Northern Exposure” at the same time. I am still in awe of his accomplishments. Joel rocks!”

“When I met Joel in 1986, my life changed. His over the top way of creating opportunity out of baking soda and “whatever you’ve got” is incredible. He is an innovator. Thanks for taking the time out of your life to be my teacher. Thanks Joel!”

“He [Joel] was working on those shows [Northern Exposure and Bakersfield P.D.] at the Lantana building in Santa Monica. I worked for Joel during that time period in a suite he had in the building. I worked on 2 Stupid Dogs. After 2 Stupid Dogs I went to work for other studios & Joel went his own ways. Those days were awesome, but all good things come to an end at some point. As one door closes, another opens... somewhere.”

Eric Freeman also shared some facts with me back in 2017:

“[Wander Over Yonder] Season 2 was all done by Joel Valentine. My schedule became way too busy to do the sound fx. Craig McCracken has long history with Joel and enjoys his work, so he wanted him to do the season 2 sfx... 21st century is/was Joel Valentine's personal company. He would do all the sound design and then send it to me at Hacienda for the final mix. He is not affiliated with Hacienda. Joel is a private contractor...   [Joel] worked out of his home... he was the sole sound designer and editor for [Wander Over Yonder] season 2. There were NO other uncredited post-sound folks on the show. The whole series was just Joel and Myself... Joel is working on S5 of Samurai Jack. He would be the sole editor on that. The mix will be done at Hacienda Post. Current PPG is being edited and mixed at Hacienda Post. Joel is not involved with the new PPG... I did some editorial on PPG movie and worked with the editors you listed (Tom Syslo, Roy Braverman & Daisuke Sawa). I can't remember what I edited on the movie, but it was sound fx. I worked on Dexter's Lab, PPG, Fosters, Symbionic Titan, and Samurai Jack. Any editorial I did would have happened during the mix. A lot of times, Genndy or Craig will want to try different SFX when they hear final music and final dialog play together with Joel's sfx. Sometimes the original SFX just don't work well... Joel definitely IS a master sound designer. I respect his work very much... I've worked with Jeff [Hutchins] since the 1990s. He's extremely talented. I believe Joel trained him... Joel only worked on the pilot of Chowder. He did NOT do the series. All the sound design came from Hacienda Post.”

Grant Meuers, “the sole sound editor” on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal, replied to my emails of my questions on the show’s sound: “all sound design you hear is either me or Joel. I worked for Hacienda for 2-3 years as an assistant sound editor before venturing out into the freelance world. They are great people over there, and I'm still close with them, although neither Joel or I are very involved in the mixes. Joel is a really talented guy, and I'll be sure to pass your compliments along!” The latter referred to my desire for anyone with Joel to send compliments from me to Joel. Grant continued: “the line between "sound design" and "sound edit" is pretty fluid to me (and I think Joel feels the same way). Joel and I split up responsibilities of what we each cover each episode fairly evenly, but Joel definitely has final say and final cut over whatever we do together, and obviously Genndy has final say over everything. How we are ultimately credited isn't really up to us. (In fact, Joel initially wanted us to be both credited as sound editors, but Genndy and Adult Swim gave him his own title card, which I am happy about, because he definitely deserves it. Joel is a humble guy and often likes to fly under the radar.) We both work remotely on our own, and each have our own respective companies we use for billing purposes.” The credit of Joel for sound design on Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal is well-earned, but ultimately he remains private in his work, and that privacy must be respected.

Genndy Tartakovsky himself said meaningful words about Joel Valentine, who did sound design on all of his Cartoon Network shows: “I’ve worked with Joel since the days of ‘Dexter.’ He’s got an amazing library and he knows how to blend sounds together to make them something very unique. For the fourth episode he went outside the norm and he found these vocal monster libraries that were done in the ’60s or something in Germany... for the mastodon episode, he found this library where some guy started a Kickstarter and then went to India to record elephant sounds for a year... all the mastodon sounds are so much more than what’s out there that a lot of people are using. I think we’re taking the extra effort for everything to make it sound unique and specific.”

Shane Houghton, co-creator of Big City Greens, compliments sound editor/designer Joel Valentine as part of “a killer sound team! They don't get enough love! Eric and Joel are amazing!”

Someone on Twitter asked @crackmccraigen “how was the noise used when the powerpuff girls would suddenly fly off made? The fwOosh/pew!! noise, yanno?” Craig replied: “It was comprised of a few different sound fx that were put together by the PPG sound designer Joel Valentine.” When I noted that Joel was usually uncredited, Craig told me that “The name Twenty-First Century Entertainment, Inc. listed under Sound Editing is Joel. That’s his company, [and] he wanted to be credited that way.” Another person appreciated the sound design of Kid Cosmic, and Craig highlighted that he’s been working with him for 27 years.

As of May 30th, 2021, Owen Fishback’s Kippie short, “Guard Duty Doggy”, was released. I saw it the next day, and it acknowledges Joel Valentine for sound effects (some of his sound effects are used in it, probably sourced from the Sound Effects Wiki pages for his sound effects, to which I contributed info but not the audio samples used in the video).

The sound effects that Joel created are very meaningful to me as I grew up heavily on the works of Joel Valentine for Cartoon Network, namely Dexter’s Laboratory. When I heard his sound design on Samurai Jack Season 5 back in 2017 (namely EPISODE XCIV), I was so impressed with his array of realistic soundscapes of atmospheres and animals that I began to consider Joel the next best creative in sound post-production sound services, next to those of Skywalker Sound and Warner Bros. Post Production Creative Services.

I’m not sure what will become of The Producer’s Sound Effects Library, though I got a copy from ebay on 1/23/2020 A.D. as an upcoming birthday gift and immediately preserved it by ripping the files off ( the link for proof read Producers-Sound-Effects-Library-13-cds-Great-Value-Free-shipping/283736597492?hash=item421004e3f4:g:rLkAAOSwAGxeE8ql ). Thanks to @wiley207​ and SqueakyCartWheel for notifying me on the Sound Effects Wiki!

Here’s a close-up of the main CD’s cover, used for the 101 SOUND EFFECTS CD...

...and here’s the label of the CD. They all look like this due to distributor S.O.S.

I made a page for The Producers Sound Effects Library on the Sound Effects Wiki, of course, to celebrate this amazing, obscure library. I recognize a number of sound effects on that library, like “IN Cricket Single” (as often heard in Spongebob) and “ROBOT MOVES #1[-3]” One of my absolute favorite sound effects on that library is “SPACE BEAM DOWN.” It’s a deep drone with a mysterious, enticing musical tone; it’s on PSEL CD SY-01 - “Science Fiction”.

Regarding preservation of the PSEL: due to the copyright warning requiring “written legal documentation from the owner of the Producers Sound Effects Library” (that’s probably Joel)--though I think that the company of the same name as the SFX library, PSEL, is defunct--I believe that I can not upload the audio files online  “unauthorized” “by any information or sampler storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented”.

Aside from the PSEL, I hope and pray that Joel’s library will be in good hands when he retires. Sound Ideas or Pro Sound Effects deserve to preserve this amazing library of sound!

[loretranscripts]

Lore Episode 29: The Big Chill (Transcript) - 7th March 2016

tw: graphic violence

Disclaimer: This transcript is entirely non-profit and fan-made. All credit for this content goes to Aaron Mahnke, creator of Lore podcast. It is by a fan, for fans, and meant to make the content of the podcast more accessible to all. Also, there may be mistakes, despite rigorous re-reading on my part. Feel free to point them out, but please be nice!

Some places are more frightening than others. It’s hard to nail down a specific reason why, but even so, I can’t think of a single person who might disagree. Some places just have a way of getting under your skin. For some it’s the basement, for others it’s the local graveyard. I even know people who are afraid of certain colours. Fear, it seems, is a landmine that can be triggered by almost anything, and while history might be full of hauntingly tragic stories that span a variety of settings and climates, the most chilling ones – literally – are those that take place in the harsh environment of winter: the incident at Dyatlov Pass; the tragedy of the Donner party; even the sinking of the Titanic in 1912 took place in the freezing waters of the north Atlantic. Winter, it seems, is well equipped to end lives and create fear, and when I think of dangerous winters, I think of Maine, that area of New England on the northern frontier. If you love horror, you might equate Maine with Stephen King, but even though he’s tried hard over the last few decades to make us believe in Derry and Castle Rock and Salem’s Lot, the state has enough danger on its own. Maine is also home to nearly 3500 miles of coastline, more than even California, and that’s where the real action happens. The Maine coastline is littered with thousands of small islands, jagged rocks, ancient lighthouses and even older legends, and all in the cold north, where the sea is cruel and the weather can be deadly. It’s often there, in the places that are isolated and exposed, that odd things happen, things that seem born of the circumstances and climate, things that leave their mark on the people there – things that would never happen on the mainland. And if the stories are to be believed, that’s a good thing. I’m Aaron Mahnke, and this is Lore.

The coastline of Maine isn’t as neat and tidy as other states’. Don’t picture sandy beaches and warm waves that you can walk through; this is the cold north, the water is always chilly and the land tends to emerge from the waves as large, jagged rocks. Go ahead and pull up a map of Maine on your phone, I’ll wait. You’ll see what I mean right away – this place is dangerous, and because of that, ships have had a long history of difficulty when it comes to navigating the coast of Maine. Part of that is because of all the islands - they’re everywhere. According to the most recent count, there are over 4,600 of them, scattered along the coastal waters like fragments of a broken bottle. One such fragment is Seguin Island. It’s only three miles from the mainland, but it’s easy to understand how harsh winter weather could isolate anyone living there very quickly, and when you’re the keeper of the lighthouse there, that isolation comes with the job. The legend that’s been passed down for decades there is the story of a keeper from the mid-1800s. According to the tale, the keeper was newly married and, after moving to the island with his bride, they both began to struggle with the gulf between their lives there and the people on the coast. So, to give his wife something to do with her time – and maybe to get a bit of entertainment out of it for himself – the keeper ordered a piano for her. They say it was delivered during the autumn, just as the winter chill was creeping in. In the story, it had to be hoisted up the rock face, but that’s probably not true; Seguin is more like a green hill pretruding from the water than anything else but, hey, it adds to the drama, right? And that’s what these old stories provide –plenty of drama. When the piano arrived the keeper’s wife was elated, but buyer’s remorse quickly set in. You see, the piano only came with the sheet music for one song. With winter quickly rolling in from the north, shipping in more music was impossible, so she settled in and made the best of it. The legend says that she played that song non-stop, over and over, all throughout the winter. Somehow she was immune to the monotony of it all, but her husband, the man who had only been hoping for distraction and entertainment, took it hard. They say it drove him insane. In the end, the keeper took an axe and destroyed the piano, hacking it into nothing more than a pile of wood and wire, and then, still deranged from the repetitive tune, he turned the axe on his wife, nearly chopping her head off in the process. The tragic story always ends with the keeper’s suicide, but most know it all to be fiction. At least, that’s the general opinion, but even today, there are some who claim that if you happen to find yourself on a boat in the waters between the island and the mainland, you can still hear the sound of piano music drifting across the waves.

Boon island is near the southern tip of Maine’s long coastline. It’s not a big island by any stretch of the imagination, perhaps 400 square yards in total, but there’s been a lighthouse there since 1811 due to the many shipwrecks that have plagued the island for as long as Europeans have sailed in those waters. The most well-known shipwreck on Boon Island occurred there in the winter of 1710 when the Nottingham Galley, a ship captained by John Deane, wrecked there on the rocks. All 14 crew members survived, but the ship was lost, stranding them without help or supplies in the cold winter. As the unfortunate sailors died, one by one, the survivors were forced to eat the dead or face starvation, and they did this for days, until fishermen finally discovered and rescued them. But that’s not the most memorable story from Boon Island, that honour falls to the tale of Katherine Bright, the wife of a former lighthouse keeper there in the 19th century. According to those who believe the story, the couple had only been on the island for a few months when Katherine’s husband slipped while trying to tie off their boat. He fell and hit his head on the rocks and then slid unconsciously into the water, where he drowned. At first, Katherine tried to take on the duties of keeping the light running herself, but after nearly a week, fishermen in York on the mainland watched the light flicker out and stay dark. When they travelled to the island to investigate, they found Katherine sitting on the tower’s stairs. She was cradling her dead husband’s corpse in her arms. Legend has it that Katherine was brought back to York along with her husband’s body, but it was too late for her. Just like the lighthouse they had left behind, she was now cold and dark. Some flames, it seems, can’t be relit.

There’s been a lighthouse on the shore of Rockland, Maine, for nearly 200 years. It’s on an oddly-shaped hill, with two large depressions in the face of the rock that were said to remind the locals of an owl. So, when the light was built there in 1825 it was, of course, named Owls Head. Give any building long enough, mix in some tragedy and unexplainable phenomenon, and you can almost guarantee a few legends will be born. Owls Head is no exception. One of the oldest stories is a well-documented one from 1850. It tells of a horrible winter storm that ripped through the Penobscot Bay area on December 22nd of that year. At least five ships were driven aground by the harsh waves and chill wind. It was a destructive and fierce storm, and it would have been and understatement to say that it wasn’t a wise idea to be out that night – on land or at sea. A small ship had been anchored at Jameson Point that night. The captain had done the smart thing and gone ashore to weather the storm inside, but he left some people behind on the ship. Three, actually: first mate, Richard Ingraham, a sailor named Roger Elliot, and Lydia Dyer, a passenger. While those three poor souls tried to sleep that night on the schooner, the storm pushed the ship so hard that the cables snapped, setting the ship adrift across the bay. Now, it’s not exactly a straight shot south-east to get to Owls Head, it’s a path shaped more like a backwards “C” to get around the rocky coast, but the ship somehow managed to do it anyway. It passed the breakwater, drifted east and south, and finally rounded the rocky peninsula where Owls Head Light is perched, all before smashing against the rocks south of the light.

The three passengers survived the impact and, as the ship began to take on water, they scrambled up to the top deck – better the biting wind than the freezing water, they assumed – and then they waited, huddled there under a pile of blankets against the storm, just waiting for help. When the ship began to  actually break apart in the waves, though, Elliot, the sailor, was the only one to make an escape from the wreckage. I can’t imagine how cold he must have been with the freezing wind and ocean spray lashing at him from the darkness, but standing on the rocks with his feet still ankle-deep in the waves, he happened to look up and see the lighthouse on the hill. If he was going to find help, that was his best option, so he began to climb. He was practically dead by the time he reached the lighthouse, but when he knocked, no one answered. A moment later, the keeper of the light rode up the path on a sleigh, having been out for supplies, and realised at once that Elliot needed help. He took him in, gave him hot rum and put him into a warm bed, but not before Elliot managed to whisper something about the others.

The keeper immediately called for help and gathered a group of about a dozen men. Together, they all travelled down to the shore, where they began to look for the wreck of the ship and the people who may still be alive onboard. When they found the remains of the schooner, the men began to carefully climb across the wreckage, looking for signs of the other passengers. It was treacherous work – the wood was encrusted in ice and each step swayed dangerously with the waves. When they finally found them, they were still on the portion of the deck where Elliot had left them, but they seemed to shiver whenever the light of the lantern washed over them. Climbing closer, the men discovered why: Ingraham and Dyer were both encased in a thick layer of ice, completely covering their bodies. They were frozen. Not taking any chances, the men somehow managed to pry the couple free from the deck of the ship and the entire block was transported back up the hill to the lighthouse. All that night, they worked fast and carefully. They placed the block in a tub of water and then slowly chipped away at the ice, and as it melted, they moved the limbs of each person in an attempt to get their blood flowing again, and somehow, against all logic and medical odds, it worked. It took them a very long time to recover, but Ingraham and Dyer soon opened their eyes. Ingraham was the first to speak, and it was said that he croaked the words “what is all this? Where are we?” Roger Elliot didn’t survive the aftermath of the shipwreck. Maybe it was the trauma of climbing up the hill to the lighthouse, soaked to the bone and exposed to the freezing winds of the storm. Perhaps it was an injury he sustained in the shipwreck itself, or on the climb to the lighthouse. Dyer and Ingraham faired better, though. They eventually recovered and even married each other. They settled down and raised a family together in the area, all thanks to the man who died to bring them help when all seemed lost.

Later stories from inside Owls Head lighthouse have been equally chilling. Although there are no other tragic events on record there, it’s clear from the first-hand accounts of those who have made Owls Head their home that something otherworldly has taken up residence there. The Andrews family was one of the first to report any sort of unusual activity on the property. I can’t find a record of their first names, but the keeper and his wife lived there along with her elderly father. According to their story, one night the couple was outside and looked up to see a light swirling in her father’s window. When they climbed the stairs, they found the older man shaking in his bed from fright. Some think he might have seen the old sailor, a common figure witnessed by many over the years. When John Norton was keeper in 1980, he claimed to have seen the same apparition. He had been sleeping, but when a noise woke him up, he opened his eyes to see the figure of an old sea captain standing over his bed, just… staring at him. The old sailor has been blamed for mysterious footprints that tend to appear in the snow, footprints that could be found on the walk toward the house. The prints never seem to have an origin point, and always end abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk. Others have claimed to feel cold spots in the house, while some have gone on record to swear that brass fixtures inside the lighthouse, fixtures that were usually tarnished and dark, would be found mysteriously polished. None of the keepers have been able to figure out who was doing the cleaning for them, though. There have been other stories as well, tales of a white lady who has been frequently seen in the kitchen, of doors slamming without anyone in the room, and of silverware that has been heard to rattle in the drawers. Despite this, though, most have said that they felt at peace with her there – more at peace, at least, than they are with the old, bearded sailor.

In the mid-1980s, Andy Germann and his wife, Denise, lived there while tending the light. They moved in and settled into life on the harsh coast of Maine. Andy divided his time between tending the light and a series of renovations to the old lighthouse, which left the yard outside rather chaotic and full of construction materials. One night after climbing into bed, the couple heard the sound of some of the building supplies outside falling over in the wind. Andy pulled on his pants and shoes and left the room to go take care of the mess before the wind made it worse. Denise watched him leave, and then rolled back over to sleep with the lamp still on. A short while later, she felt him climb back into bed. The mattress moved, as did the covers, and so she asked out loud how it had gone, if there had been any trouble or anything unusual, but Andy didn’t reply, so Denise rolled over. When she did, she found that Andy’s spot in bed was still empty. Well, almost. In the spot where he normally slept beside her, there was a deep depression in the sheets, as if an invisible body were laying right there beside her. Of course, it was just the dent where Andy had been sleeping moments before. At least, that’s what she told herself, but thinking back on it later, Denise admits that she has doubts. There were moments when she was laying there, staring at the impression in the sheets, that she could have sworn the shape was moving. Maybe she was too level-headed to get upset, or perhaps she was too tired to care. Whatever the reason, Denise simply told whoever it was to leave her alone, and then rolled over and fell back asleep. At breakfast the next morning, she wanted to tell Andy about the experience, thinking he would laugh it off and help her to explain it away, but before she could, he told her his own story. It turns out Andy had an unusual experience of his own the previous night. He explained how, as he had exited the room and stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, he saw what he could only describe as a faint cloud hovering close to the floor, and this cloud, he said, had been moving. According to Andy, when he walked down the hall, it moved right up to his feet and then passed on through him. That’s when Denise asked Andy where the cloud had been going. “Into the bedroom,” he told her. “Why?”

You don’t have to travel to a lighthouse to bump into tales of the unexplained or otherworldly. You can hear them from just about anyone you meet, from the neighbour down the street to your real estate agent, but lighthouses seem to have a reputation for the tragic, and maybe that’s understandable – these are, after all, houses built to help save lives in a dangerous setting. It might be safe to say that the well for these stories runs deeper than many place – but are they true? Like a lot of stories, it seems to depend on who you talk to. Keepers across the decades have had a mixed bag of experiences. Some see odd things, and some don’t. Maybe some people just connect to the stories more than others and go looking for hints and signs where there are none. One recent family described their time there as “normal”. They never saw ghosts, never watched objects move, and felt right at home the whole time they were there. Another family, though, acknowledged that something unusual seemed to be going on in the lighthouse. They would find lightbulbs partially unscrewed and the thermostat would constantly readjust itself – perhaps whatever it is that’s haunting the lighthouse is just very environmentally conscious. It’s easy to laugh off most of these stories, but we’ve never lived there, we’ve never heard or felt something that can’t be explained away, and like most samples of data, there’s always the outlier. Another family who lived at the lighthouse in the late 1980s claimed to have experienced their fair share of unusual activity, though. One night, while Gerard and Debby Graham were asleep, their three-year-old daughter, Claire, quietly opened her eyes and sat up in bed. She stared into the darkness for a moment, as if carefully listening to something, and then climbed out of her bed and left the room. Her little bare feet patted on the cold floor of the hallway as she made her way down towards her parents’ room. Inside, she slowly approached the side of their bed, and then tapped her father on the arm to wake him. When he did wake up, he asked Claire what was the matter. The little girl replied that she was supposed to tell him something. “Tell me what?” he father asked. “There’s a fog rolling in,” Claire replied, somehow sounding like someone infinitely older. “Sound the horn”. When he asked her who had told her this, the little girl looked at him seriously. “My friend,” she told him, “the old man with the beard.”

[Closing statements]

[forgemaster-defence-squad]

Isaac Theory Post

(The right and bottom pics are mine.)

Why Isaac will become the Isaac the OG fans are talking about

I am making this theorey post partly because it’s fun and because I love all of our Castlevania Isaacs. I did much research for it, and tried to include things that feel like Castlevania. I give credit to @solidfalcon for helping me write some of it, and sitting there listening to me babble on and on about him for HOURS, and credit to @lucien-lachance for MANY OF THE IMAGES. She has a huge collection of Isaac pictures from the games, I’m so pleased!! Thank you both!!!!

Now, onto Isaac: from games to screen, he would change, though only to tell a great story. Isaac is a complex character whose story needs to be told with care and delicacy. His story in season 2 of the show is only beginning. Being without luxurious crimson locks barely changes his story, it only begins it. And it can only grow from there. I’ve never truly seen him transform before, except in my own headcanon-filled brain, so I’m THRILLED to finally be seeing it on screen!

This is Castlevania, where the design of a character is laced with storytelling and meaning. If Isaac is meant to stay proper looking and professional, he wouldn’t be the same character. His appearance right now doesn’t take away from who he is, it adds to him, and I’m going to go into detail as to why.

Game spoilers below cut!

Animation Isaac vs Game Isaac

Game Isaac: Passion, Devotion To Dracula, ‘Evilness’, Knife Obsession, Vengeance, Wants to be the favourite, Uncomfortable to look at, Licks things.

Animation Isaac: Passion, Devotion To Dracula, ‘Evilness’, Knife Obsession, Vengeance.

I didn’t give animation Isaac the last 3 things that I put with game Isaac because we don’t know anything else. Season 2 isn’t even out yet. Therefore the rest of the post is where what we know about game Isaac becomes theory for animation Isaac. He’s an Isaac-shaped glass that is only a little filled, and it will continue to fill with more Isaac-ey goodness as the show progresses.

The Long Awaited Son

When some Christians hear the name ‘Isaac’ (with no last name) they think first, of Isaac:

(Credit to the creative photographer.)

Dracula’s story is sort of like an inverted Bible story, making it darker but also very clever if you know what you’re seeing. In Castlevania, although Dracula loved his first son, Alucard, he didn’t become the person he wanted him to be, a son who shared his views and would help him take revenge for Lisa. Now here we have Isaac who was taken in by Dracula as a child, the ‘son’ Dracula would have always wanted: Passionate about Dracula’s goal and willing do anything to make it happen. While Alucard cares for humanity, Isaac is passionate to destroy humanity, just like Dracula.

In the Bible, Abraham’s first born wasn’t what he wanted. His first born would become a person who was hostile, while his second son, Isaac would become everything he was promised, a great man who gave blessings.

Also: Isaac’s name means “laughter.” (Insert a gif of Isaac laughing here. I reached image limit in this post twt )

Child of Judas

Quote from Isaac’s page on the Castlevania wiki: “Isaac's name functions both as a hint that all isn't quite as it seems with him, and also as a reference to a particular bit of vampire lore. Biblically, Itzhak (Isaac) was the son of Abraham, who was almost sacrificed as a test of his father's faith. Unlike his namesake Forgemaster, however, Itzhak survived. The vampire folklore his name references appears in the short story "A Kiss of Judas" by Julian Osgood Field, writing under the pseudonym X.L. A principal character in this story is Isaac Lebedenko, who dies and, when reborn, becomes a type of vampire known as a Child of Judas in order to exact revenge on a deserving enemy. Interestingly enough, Children of Judas are said to have red hair.” Isaac’s name, as the quote says, is a hint that all is not quite what it seems, the same is true for his appearance.

Another quote from the same wiki page: “His clothing, too, is yet another hint as to his true nature. It appears as if Isaac is wearing only the remains of his former uniform. The Prelude to Revenge manga, packaged with the soundtrack sampler CD, uses Isaac's attire as a symbol of his mind unraveling. The madder he gets, the more tattered his clothing gets, until we see him in-game in purely ornamental armor bits and those strange pants. Thanks to Dracula's machinations, Isaac is only the broken pieces of the man he once was. Unfortunately, Isaac erroneously blames Hector for the destruction of his life.” ‘Only the broken pieces of the man he once was.’ What we are seeing right now IS the man he once was. We have yet to see him slowly unravel both outward and inward to become the person he’s fated to be. I’m looking forward to it!

My theory for why he could get his Castlevania appearance parallels both the Biblical Isaac and the vampire lore Isaac. Biblical Isaac was nearly sacrificed, then later became something great, while ‘A Kiss of Judas’ Isaac died and then returned to life as something terrible. Games Isaac was used as a vessel to become Dracula. Animated series Isaac is going to suffer, and go through a change, too, which may turn him into that same ‘vessel’ that he became in the games.

Isaac in games canon, after going insane from Dracula’s Curse, didn’t actually change physically, only his clothing melted away.

If in the animation he were to transform the same way as in the games, and physically as well, I think that would be stronger story storytelling. What changes physically is very easy to guess.

Blood Red Hair

Quotes from the Children of Judas page on vampires. com. (Which shows a picture of Isaac btw...) “This group of ruthless bloodsuckers were once found in Serbia, Bulgaria and Romania and you could recognize them due to their blood-red hair.” “These guys are known mainly by oral traditions.”

‘Mlem’

“Wicked vampires were said to have the power to drain their victim’s blood and life force with a single kiss or bite.”

Isaac isn’t a vampire in the game at this point in the above picture, but his kiss is still deadly~ (By that I mean he accompanies it with a knife stab). (Don’t worry, Trevor is ok, Isaac just wanted some Trevor blood.) Another thing that supports this theory is that the creators of the Castlevania series are very inclusive with their vampire lore. They want the show to be good, to be Castlevania, and also a great vampire story. So seeing as how we have yet to see the special ‘blood red hair’ of a ‘Child of Judas’ vampire, it’s safe to say Isaac may become one (in a sense). This is why game Isaac’s hair is redder and more beautiful than that of any other redhead we’ve seen in Castlevania.

Swoon~

The Dragon

As many know, Dracula’s name comes from Dracul which means ‘The Dragon’ or ‘The Devil.’ Dracula gets referred to as the Devil a lot in the animation, and in the games he also turns into a dragon when you fight him. Isaac is ‘a dragon’, and will become a vampire. This is true to games canon, as Isaac has, in fact become a vampire before, only, he became literally Dracula. The ‘Child of Judas’ similarities symbolized that the transformation would take place, as does his massive dragon tattoo that goes down his front, twists around his leg and slides up his back representing the Dragon. Animation Isaac does have tattoos, but none that we seen thus far are dragon-like. Not yet anyway~

(I drew the bottom right one for a closeup of the dragon face. The sketch to the left of it is official concept art.) When his clothing melts away and reveals the dragon tattoo, it symbolizes Isaac losing himself and becoming a dragon.

The Forgemaster crest displayed above shows two dragons. Both are Hector and Isaac. In the game, the Curse of Darkness attempts to transform the Forgemasters into Dracula. They both take on Dracula-like personality traits before Hector finally resists, and Isaac Is the one to lose himself.

In the games, all of this symbolism represented that he would be a mere pawn in Dracula’s scheme and become a vessel for Dracula. However, all of that symbolism is not yet present in animation Isaac, so this entire theory post is here to explain why it will become present.

The Biblical symbols of the Dragon and the Beast talk about the Dragon giving the Beast the power to return to life. The Beast that returned to life looked and spoke like a dragon. That would be neat if the writers parallel these symbols too! The Dragon being Dracula and the dragon-like Beast being Isaac.

Anguish

Dracula takes in both Isaac and Hector at a young age. Treated poorly by humanity, and taken in by Dracula, they probably saw him as their father figure. The Curse of Darkness that rips through the people during Castlevania 3, the same one that causes Isaac’s madness is probably going to be cast during season 2 of the animation. Right now we see him as a seemingly obedient, calm, collective but somewhat violent and angry individual. Someone led by his heart. When the curse is cast, bit by bit, much of that will begin to break away. When Dracula, his inspiration, his father figure, the one thing that gave him life and purpose, is defeated and taken away from him. And then, when Isaac is left for dead by Hector, the curse finally takes complete hold of him. Dracula's curse. Isaac transforms in appearance to reflect the change within. His hair has grown and become wild, his clothing has fallen apart and only ornamental pieces remain. He is only the broken pieces of what he once was. He is MAD.

So when I say he will become a vampire, I mean he will descend into madness and think that his desire for VENGEANCE AGAINST HECTOR will make it all better, but instead, he is just a vessel, a means to an end. He becomes Dracula, he becomes a vampire, a ‘Child of Judas’ in a symbolic sense. It is symbolic in that, he's not a vampire by any traditional sense, but simply because Dracula takes him over, and he becomes the vampire. The symbolism that the death and rebirth he faces before transformation is perhaps not his own death and rebirth, it is Dracula’s past death and rebirth through Isaac.

That would be super cool if he became a vampire himself, though, just a thought.

As you see, I fully expect to see our Isaac form before our eyes in ways I have only previously dreamed these past 8+ years of being a Curse of Darkness fan!

Fire Symbolism

I’ve read in other theory posts in other fandoms that fire in art and literature can symbolize many things. One of those things is death and rebirth. In Castlevania, this symbolism is definitely present, and EXTREMELY heavy-handed. Lisa dies, burned as a witch, from her dead remains ascends an explosion of flame. Who is in that flame? Dracula. So yes, they will use the plot point of Dracula dying and returning to life, and just like in the games, it will be through Isaac. I could go into more detail on fire symbolism as to why, but I think you get me by this point!

Red oni and Blue Oni

Another quote from the wiki: “Isaac and Hector together embody the "Red Oni and Blue Oni" trope. Isaac is denoted by red, and is emotional, temperamental and led by his heart. Hector, in blue, is the more logical and rational of the pair and is able to think things through, considers what he has been told, and in the end saves himself from an ill fate.” In the series, Hector is dressed in blue just as he is in the games, but Isaac has yet to show much red. To continue to fit this trope the way he’s meant to be, he HAS to go through his destined change. In the trailer, Isaac is seen in the past passionately crying with tears in his eyes as he’s about to take what I assume is revenge against someone.

(My poor boi q-q) He still very much embodies the trope with Hector, but not so much visually. He will transform most likely in the exact way I said he would. The series’ first four episodes did nothing but add to the series, not take away. Isaac is going to change, and when he does, he will finally truly mirror Hector, and he will fully become the ‘monster’ he was meant to be. By ‘monster’, what I really mean is: mistake-making, tragic sad boy who I want to cover in fifty blankies and pillows and give grilled cheese to.

TLDR: Isaac will slowly unravel to madness and become the heartbroken mess he was in the games. I’m super excited!!!

~End~ If we watch S2 and I end up wrong and got nothing right, then that’s okay cuz this whole thing was real fun to write. 10/10 recommended write up~