#rip carrot cake

[psychicbluebirdfan]

The Marauders in the great Hall after a full moon.

Remus eating an entire carrot cake for himself like his life depended on it.

Remus: Merlin I love carrot cake!

Sirius dreamily looked at him: Merlin I wish I was a carrot cake.

Pete and James: WHAAAAT

[lilrobotman]

I cannot be the only one that snoozes whenever I see most youtube videos that are like “I used ChatGpt to write a movie!” or “ChatGpt wrote me a recipe” like I do not careeeee

[yawnderu]

Happy Cake Day — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

contents: mutual pining, idiots in love, fluff.

''C'mon, open the door, Simon.'' Your knuckles connect to his door again, this time with more insistence than before.

''Dude, I can hear you breathing. Open up.'' Your arms are getting tired from holding the cake, relief filling your soul as he finally opens his door halfway before you slam your shoulder against it, successfully pushing him out of the way as you break into his quarters.

''What are you on about?'' He asks with a quiet scoff, closing the door behind him as he rubs his shoulder, the force of the door being slammed against him causing a little more pain than he'd like to admit.

''I made you a cake. And before you start— I know your birthday is redacted on your file. Broke into the old man's office to find it.'' He raises an eyebrow at this, a small smile tugging on his lips. He knows you're not lying— you're definitely the type to break into Price's office to access his file.

''I don't need a—'' You interrupt him by putting your frosting-stained finger against his lips, effectively shutting him up for now.

''Shh. Look, I drew the team.'' You point to the cake on his desk and he leans closer, looking down at the cake and biting his lip to resist the urge to burst out laughing. He takes a deep breath, collecting himself before speaking.

''This one looks like a fuckin' nonce.'' He points to the drawing of Gaz you made with frosting... if you could even call it a drawing.

''Soap looks like a deformed carrot.'' He bites his lip again to resist the urge to laugh, brown eyes focused on the cake, the only indicator that it's Soap is the messy mohawk.

''Why are our drawings holding hands?'' He inquires in a teasing tone, knowing exactly why.

''No reason.'' You retort, grinning up at him. The drawings are ugly on purpose— that's what you tell yourself to preserve some pride.

''Is that— is that the old man?'' He's barely holding it together, each drawing more comical than the other. The Price drawing is giant, holding all of the stick figures in his massive arms, his bucket hat almost comically big compared to his head.

''Mhm.'' You confirm, bursting out laughing the moment you see him try his best to hold in his laugh, not wanting to hurt or offend you in any way despite having ripped your frosting drawings a new one.

''Looks nice.'' He compliments, trying to be nice. Truth to be told, it's not a bad cake, it's just... the drawings that give it... personality. His comment earns him a finger full of frosting to the nose, a groan leaving his lips.

[neo-novaa]

marital duties

synopsis: king george x reader, loosely based on this ask,

the sun was burning against your back, the only cold solace being from the wet dirt that riddled your hands.

“you’ve got to be careful pulling that one out,” george— farmer george says to you. it’s a carrot, you’ve grown to recognize them by their leaves. “reach deeper into the ground. if you pull it from the leaves, they’ll rip.

you nod, digging your hands into the dirt, but not before you hear george inhale sharply. you turn, worried, finding his lips in a stern line and his brows furrowed.

“what is it?” you ask, interest peaked.

“you’re still not doing it right.”

you scoff, releiving your hands of the moist soil, and unceremoniously brushing them against your silk dress. it was far beoynd saving, sticky with sweat, stained with soil, the wonderful pastels now tainted with shades of brown.

“i’m reaching into the dirt.” you retaliate, flicking away the dirt from under your nails. 

it’s his turn to scoff. “barely. you didn’t even get your palms in there.”

wiping the last chunk of mud away from your hands, you turn to him with an unapproving glare. “fine then, i’ll dig deeper.”

you dive in, wrist deep—

“no, now you’ve gone past the root entirely.” he scolds, shuffling over to the carrot you’ve been spending far too much time trying to pick out. 

“let me show you,” georges hands envelop yours, his soft palms a sudden reminder of this very temporary escape. 

only an hour, that’s all the time you got in a day to pretend that this was your life; to pretend that he was nothing more than farmer george, and you were nothing more than his wife. 

“you have to say close to the stem,” he whispers, as if people are watching— as if this isn’t the only time in their entire lives where people weren’t watching. 

he gently curls your fingers so that the tips run down the slimy side of the vegetable, nearly reaching the bottom.

“now,” he’s impossibly close, his warm breath against your neck almost making you shudder. “pull!”

he fists your hands and tugs at the carrot with a comical amount of strength. so much so that it causes the two of you to fall over, hands enveloped in each other, grasping a muddy carrot.

“now do you understand?” he says through laughter, and you’re struggling to speak with how much you’re laughing with him. the backside of your dress is now caked in a layer of mulch and dirt. if it was able to be fixed a minute ago, it was far past salvageable now. 

“i think i understand.” you finally say through an onslaught of giggles, sitting up once his hands leave yours.

they’re quick to find you again, gently covering your bare shoulders, shielding you from the blazing heat for almost a moment.

you meet his loving eyes scanning your face, taking in every detail as if he’d forget it– as if he’d let his mind do that to him.

one of his hands runs along the side of your face, grasping your chin. “you’ve no idea how beautiful you are.”

you can’t help but roll your eyes. you don’t need a mirror to guess your current state: hair a mess, face riddled with streaks of mud, stuck to your face from how much you’ve been sweating.

“george–” you barely get to say his name before he’s kissing you, dirtied hands finding your place along your jaw. you share the sentiment, your own hands caked in soil are muddying his hair, pulling him closer to you. 

his hands find your waist, pulling you on top of him. they wander up to your chest, down to your hips, and settle on your thighs.

you pull away, gasping, lungs aching from the lack of air. georges breath are matching yours: strong, heavy, wanting.

you’re about to go in again when you hear feet shuffling on gravel only a few feet away.

“brimsley.” you grumble.

“reynolds.” he mutters. 

your right-hand men borh bow deeply. “your majesties,” brimsley says, standing up with perfect posture. 

“yes, yes, i know,” you stand up, brushing off the layer of dried soil on your knees, as if it does anything to help. george doesn’t bother with the stains, almost as if he knows that any attempts to clean his farmer trousers would be futile.

“hours up.” you say with a disappointing sigh, and almost scream at the way that brimsley nods curtley.

“says who?” george is grabbing your wrist, catching your attention and reeling it back to him. “i am the king, and you, my queen. there is no one who can tell us what to do.”

“george?” you barely manage to say, standing blankly, fighting the urge to drop your jaw. 

“all i’m saying is…” he begins to pull you towards your home, not-so discreetly eyeing your chest. “we have other marital duties to attend…do we not?”

“george!” it’s more like a scorn this time, your gaze quickly darting over to brimsley and reynolds who, as if they were statues, have barely moved since they appeared. unlike him, you’re not used to sharing your thoughts around people.

“come on!” he’s tugging you onto the gravel path, and all you can do is roll your eyes and hike up your dress while running off to perform your… “marital duties.”

[bunnys-kisses]

Hii bunny could I please order, mille-feuille, carrot cake, chocolate cake, cream puffs with a side of rootbeer and a glass of water served by lando or Logan thank you <3

bakery menu

want to submit your own order? then hit up the menu there are many items to choose from and i'd love to hear from you! thank you to those who had submitted, i am going through all of them as fast as i can! thank you!

mille-feuille: “that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.” + carrot cake: "swallow it. all of it." + chocolate cake: "do you feel that? that's what happens when i think about you all day." + cream puffs: "let me finish inside." + root beer: filming/recording + glass of water: aftercare served by logan sargeant!

cw: smut/pwp, filming, sex tape, aftercare, reverse cowgirl style, unprotected sex, oral sex (logan receives)

"this is ridiculous." you remarked as you looked up at logan as he came closer to you. you could feel the excitement in your gut as you watched him approach you. everything about him just pulled you in to him, even when he was in nothing but a loose pair of boxers.

"there's nothing ridiculous about me wanting to make today special. it's the newest chapter of our lives." he beamed at you before he got onto the bed with you

you held his face for a moment and looked into his beautiful eyes. you chuckled softly for a moment as you asked, "logan, you want to film amateur porn with me."

"do you feel that? that's what happens when i think about you all day." he said as he rubbed himself against you while you both tumbled in bed. his cock prodded against your back, "c'mon, beautiful. i know you want it. you want to make tonight special."

eventually he ended up on his face and your hands were on his boxers. you pulled them down and eyed his cock. you were in a position where the camera set up on the desk nearby.

"logan."

"swallow it. all of it. i know you can take all of me, you've done it before." he played with your hair a little and tensed when you leaned down and pressed the tip of his cock. you whimpered a little as you gave him head and he felt a shudder of heat go through him. you always felt like a dream around his cock.

you moaned around him as you pushed hair out of your face and really worked his length with heavy movements of your mouth. logan wanted to film a special night before the start of his career in indy racing. you two had been together though thick and thin of his racing, his beautiful girlfriend who stood by him through it all. to film something like this was scandalous. what if prying eyes saw you orally pleasuring your lover.

"that's it, beautiful." he groaned as he held on your head and worked you up and down his length. you felt like a dream on his cock as you took him to the base. you groaned around his length.

you wanted to respond, but it was hard with his cock gently hitting against your gag reflex. you looked at one another and he groaned from the sight of you. your lips around his cock as you kept moving your head up and down.

logan ripped your hair and let you move at a pace you felt comfroable with. he felt the tip of his cock hit against some of your softest parts. the feeling was intoxicating for him, you felt amazing around his cock. he loved, loved your sweet mouth on him. but there was one thing he loved more. your aching cunt.

you were quick to get your panties off and before you could climb onto his lap. he made you face the camera before he guided you onto his cock. the stretch made you run hot as you leaned forward to get the best angle with his cock inside of you.

"look at the camera, beautiful." he said as you rode him. he got a perfect view of your ass as you worked his length as best as you could. he could feel the buzz of want in his brain as he rode you, his heart fluttered from the feeling of your fucking.

it wasn't every day that the most beautiful woman in the world wanted to ride him in front of a camera. he knew your bouncing, pretty tits looked amazing for the camera. this was a night to never forget. he held onto your hips and continued to work you on his length. your noises encouraged him to keep working you against his hardened erection. it was painfully erotic, he could feel the heat throughout his body.

"that's it, beautiful. my baby girl." he groaned as he really moved you up and down. your moans were getting higher in pitch as you felt the waves of pleasure crash over you.

logan loved the sight of his beloved girlfriend made into a totally erotic mess by him. fed his ego a little. he said, "why don't you tell me in the future how good it feels." he let out a heavy groan.

"fuck, logie, it feels really good. you make me feel really good." you felt the bubble of want in your gut as you continued to ride his cock like your life depended on it. everything inside of you felt hot. there was a fire burning inside of you as you worked him in and out of your slick pussy.

the two of you continued your movements and the entire bedroom felt hot. you held onto his legs as you really worked yourself and felt the excitement of pleasure course through your body. everything about it felt painfully hot. and it wasn't long before you relied on instinct and got yourself to climax. your nails dug into his legs as your back arched, "fuck, honey. this feels so good!!!"

logan wasn't far behind you. he panted out, "let me finish inside." with a feverish intent that he felt the pleasure in his bones. he continued to fuck you perfect little cunt.

"yes, yes! fuck, finish inside of me!" you whined.

logan gave you a few more heavy thrusts before he clutched onto your hips and shoves his entire length into you. he finished inside of you and you moaned loudly. the thrusts slowed to a stop as you looked at the camera and gave it a cheeky kiss before logan pulled you to the mattress and wrapped his arms around you. the kisses were immense.

"the camera!" you yelped.

logan chuckled as he kissed your forehead, "fuck it, i want to see all the aftercare i give you. that i'm a great boyfriend. now do you need some water?"

you giggled and kissed his cheek, you felt the love he held for you as you kissed him softly. he loved you, and you loved him. <3

[dollhog]

30k Stuffing day ❤️‍🔥🕷️

One of my most extreme stuffings ever. Hoping to make this the daily norm. It was strangely much easier than expected and was such a ravenous binge. My tits are gaining so much and my belly is of course ballooning. Such thick and firm fat. My stretch marks are ripping and darkening by the day, my stomach is hanging so low and is always so tight and taut. My rolls are pushing against each other and are so lard filled and heavy. My face is huge now, my double chin is touching my chest and my cheeks are starting to hang and force my lips to pout. So proud of how fat I’m getting.

It’s so thrilling how my mobility is declining, my body is getting so much more heavy to heave around and wobble about. I can’t stand up without shuffling forward and pushing myself up with my arms, then my belly pulls me forward and I have to stabilise. I haven’t had time to learn to navigate being so morbidly obese, so I really struggle to get around. I adore how I struggle and cannot wait for it to decline further.

Cal count:

6 hotdogs: 1978

Pasta tray: 2046

Pizza: 2235

Shake: 2500

Freezer pack of curly fries doused in cheese:

3320

Apple crumble: 2506

Brazilian cheese bread: 1544

4 butter chicken hand pies 1824

1 cake shake: 2500

Baking tray of nachos: 2449

Full carrot cake: 4096

Alcohol: 960

Juice: roughly 2000

TOTAL:

29,958

[cocoa-rococo]

Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

Larry | Morton | Wendy | Iggy | Roy | Lemmy | Ludwig

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

[moony-2001]

Lore Olympus ep. 255 critique

Boy oh boy.

No remorse and tonal whiplash

We open this chapter with Persephone waking up not dead, total shock in Hades' arms, asking him if what happened was all a bad dream.

When Hades responds that what happened was not all in her head, we as the readers would expect Persephone to react with shock, remorse, something. Nope. Instead, we get this:

"Oh dear" with the most expressionless face ever. Our empathetic, caring protagonist everyone.

Now maybe I'm being too harsh. However, I feel like most people upon being confronted with the fact that they caused mass destruction would be pretty upset, if not incredibly so. But that's just my 2 cents.

We immediately transition into a party that's being set up for Persephone by all her friends and cohorts. We're then treated to this lovely image:

Thanks Captain Obvious.

While Hermes and Megaera argue over whether or not carrot cake is good, Thanatos pulls Hecate aside and notes about the massive uptick in incoming deaths which confirms what I said in my last critique post. While initially denying it, Hecate quickly realizes that something is very very wrong and that's when Hades and Persephone burst through the doors. Persephone bursts into tears and we get the most tone-deaf sentence ever:

Wow. Haha so funny. Comedy. Given the context of what just happened, this attempt at humor fell so flat.

I feel like the first third of this chapter kind of speaks for itself in terms of the writing and art, which is not good. There's just no emotion at all. I get the feeling that we're supposed to feel bad for Persephone and I just... don't. I don't have a whole lot more to say about this portion of the chapter; just that when I read it, I strained my eyeballs from rolling them so hard.

Hades tries not to make everything about himself challenge: Impossible

We transition into the post-party disaster cleanup where Persephone is hiding out in a greenhouse and Hades and Hecate are inside. Hades takes this opportunity to make everything about himself.

First of all, you're not and you're not.

But on a more serious note, this is not the first time we see Hades take a situation that has either nothing or almost nothing to do with him and make it all about himself. In fact, this is something he does frequently throughout the comic. Hades, in my opinion, very much has a "me, me, me, it's all about me" mindset.

One instance that comes to mind is this scene that happens in early s2 after Persephone opens up about her childhood and AOW. She barely has had time to share and process her traumatic experiences when Hades decides that this is the perfect time to dump 2000 years' worth of pent-up trauma onto a girl he's known for maybe 2 weeks at that point. Yet, he refuses to actively seek help during his time before meeting Persephone and even calls his therapist a hack.

Another instance is when Persephone confronts Hades about ripping out Alex's eye in s1 (when she was still somewhat empathetic to nymphs and whatnot).

Hades, when torturing Alex, very quickly shifts from the mentality of "you could've really damaged Persephone's reputation" to "I'm going to punish you because I view Persephone as my property and how dare you do this to me?"

Hades even outright admits it when confronted. He took a situation that had nothing to do with him and completely made it about himself.

Another instance is when Persephone tells Hades about what Apollo did to her and Hades flies off the handle and makes her trauma about himself. About what he is going to do even though that is not his decision to make.

It baffles me how conceited Hades is despite claiming to care about Persephone. I don't understand how you can look at a person who is going through a hell of a time and think "Let's make this about me". But that's a whole other post for the future

Zeus and Apollo

Skipping to the end of the episode, Apollo calls Hades (with Zeus' phone?) and tells him that he wants to take Persephone off Hades' hands.

Straight up, I don't like Hades and Persephone either as characters or together as a couple. I think they bring out the worst in each other. But Persephone is not some dog that needs to be rehomed and frankly, the whiplash Rachel is giving her audience in regards to Apollo's character is going to put me in a neck brace for life. She keeps flip-flopping between trying to make Apollo this sad, sympathetic anti-hero and the most egregious villain to walk the earth. You can not be both Zuko and Azula Rachel. You need to pick a lane and stay in it.

Apollo reveals that Zeus is in a coma and Hermes conveniently has the news up and running so we as the audience can be greeted with this:

"Attempted murder" you say? Of a being that literally can't die? Rachel, do you even know what attempted murder means?

"The defendant took at least one direct (but ineffective) step towards killing another person" and "The defendant intended to kill that person (malice aforethought)" -> California Law and Sentencing

While both of these are true in the fact that Apollo took the steps to kill Zeus and also intended to kill Zeus, they're gods. You can't murder a god. In order for murder to be attempted, or to even happen, the person in question has to be able to die. But then they're a human, not a god.

I feel like a more accurate report would be something along the lines of "Zeus has fallen victim to what seems to be a violent coup that has left him seriously incapacitated." Maybe that's not the best sentence to ever grace the writing scene, but hopefully my point is clear.

Also, how are people still oblivious to the fact that Apollo is, at the very least, incredibly suspicious right now. I mean his father has just been announced to be "dying" and instead of taking the time to mourn or even appear upset, he immediately slides into the position of power as King of the gods.

This chapter definitely wasn't as bad as 254, but it did make my brain hurt. Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas. See you all soon.

[sam-loves-seb]

i just need a least a little bit of easter!married gallavich from sam

meant to get around to this yesterday but the day got away from me. i hope you had a good easter anon!

ian and mickey don’t really give a fuck about easter. at least, not from a religious standpoint.

but it’s an excuse to get the family together—like they need a reason—so when debbie starts blowing up the family group text about what time to come over for lunch, they tell her they’ll be there and they’ll bring dessert. they pick up a cake with bunnies on it from some westside bakery that ian picks up donuts from sometimes on the weekends.

debbie cooks, because getting together was her idea, and because no one else wants to do it. all the gallaghers go. franny’s wearing bunny ears and perpetually has chocolate on her face for the entire day. fred’s wearing a little bow tie that won’t stay clipped to his shirt for the life of him.

it’s almost too cold to be outside, but the kids are hyped up on candy and sugar so mickey volunteers to sit on the front porch and watch them run around and tire themselves out. debbie’s place is cramped and he can only spend so much time in the same room as lip.

ian spends the first hour catching up with his brothers and bothering debbie in the kitchen. eventually he finds mickey outside and sits on the porch with him, listening to fred ramble on about what the easter bunny brought him. franny nods along dutifully, even though she hasn’t believed in the bunny for a few years now.

they cram a folding table into the living room and squish as many people around it as they can. they eat ham and potatoes and roasted carrots and whatever else debbie decided to make. carl passes out beers and tami pours wine and they eat family style with plates and bowls passed around the small space.

later, mickey ends up wearing franny’s bunny ear headband, one of the ears bent at an angle. ian tries to sneak a picture, but mickey flips him off in every single one. they’re perfect.

sunday holidays are weird, and by the time they make it back to their apartment they’re tipsy and exhausted. they tell themselves that next year they’ll remember to take the day after easter off. (they never do.) they have a pound of leftovers ian slides in the fridge.

ian untucks his button up shirt from his jeans and undoes the top few buttons. mickey rips off his sweater the first chance he gets, and collapses on the living room couch with his tank top and jeans with the button undone. ian falls into place next to him, a bag of reese’s eggs open and ready to be devoured sits between them.

they catch the tail end of the white sox game and mickey passes out almost immediately. ian eventually grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and throws it around both of them, sliding down until he’s horizontal and mickey’s curling into his chest in his sleep—but not before he posts the bunny ears picture to his instagram story.

[issybee06]

Because…

Part I

Warnings: swearing, underage drinking, smoking, talking about war, trauma dumping

Phosphenes

(n.) the colors or “stars” you see when you rub your eyes.

……………….…………………………………………………………

“Tadaima…”

Genma looked up from his scroll, wrinkling his nose, “Shit, Hime…what is Inoichi doing to you?”

I scoff, pulling the bag of groceries through the door before closing it, “thanks, you sure know how to flatter a girl.”

Genma smirked proudly, getting up from the couch, “my pleasure.”

He began rummaging through the bag, “did you get the sake?”

Glaring, I hit his arm with a carrot. Like a baby, he whined dramatically and I pulled out the sealed bottle, “yes I did, and you should have gotten it earlier today when you got off your shift!”

He groaned flopping on a chair, “but I had to get the cake!”

I give him a sharp glare, “do you know how hard it is to get Sake the day after new years? I had to go to 5 different stores, Genma, 5!”

He waves his hand dismissively, and I continue to put away the food in the fridge, “besides, I thought we were getting Gai new weights.”

Genma gave a dry laugh, “Fucking Asuma already got him that.”

I sigh, putting the last of the food away, “what times the party?”

“Didn’t you help Kurenai with the invites? It’s at 7.”

Nodding, I pull off the grey TI jacket and head to my room.

“I’m gonna shower-don’t! Eat the cookies!”

He whines, putting the cookie back, “it’s not like anyone’s gonna notice!”

“I will.”

………………………………………………………………………….

5 years ago, on October 10, the Nine tails was released from my Jinchūriki sensei, Uzumaki Kushina which resulted in the death of hundreds of Shinobi, including my sensei and our Yondaime Namikaze Minato.

And for the past 5 years, I have been working in the TI building under Yamanaka Inoichi along with one of my close classmates Morino Ibiki. While Ibiki shined in the torture part of the department, I working in the more intelligence part.

The poison department…wasn’t what I had gone for initially, I had wanted to be a field medic that actually got to go out of the village, but my medical Ninjutsu was mediocre and mediocre gets people dead.

It wasn’t like I was disappointed, medics don’t actually engage in combat and my mother said my talents in jutsu would be waisted sitting on the sidelines.

But I guess sitting in a lab all day making and looking at the components of poisons is so much better. Either way I’m still not out there.

It’s still winter in Konoha, and despite being in the land of Fire, it got fucking cold.

Snow licked at our feet as Genma and I walked to Gais apartment, which was already booming with music and people talking.

I sighed, a large cloud of air coming out of my mouth. Genma wrapped an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me.

“Hey, easy up Hime. Let’s have fun getting shit faced with people we like.”

I laughed, “whatever you say, Baka.”

We walked up the first flight of stairs, heading to Gais second story apartment. Genma knocked on the door, giving two crisp knocks before being interrupted when Gai all but ripped the door open.

“MY OLD TEAMMATES!! YOU MADE IT AND JUST IN TIME FOR KARAOKE!!”

Genma and I smiled, and I wrapped my arms around Gai as he picked me up in a hug almost crushing the cookies, “happy birthday Gai-kun, sorry we’re a little late.”

“Nonsense! You’re here! That’s all that matters!”

Genma passed Gai the Sake bottle, smiling, “Happy 19th, Gai.”

Gai had always been the baby of our team, with me being a year older and Genma being 3years Gais senior, we as the older two took it in our power to baby Gai as much as we could…but now he was 19 and a full fledged Jonin.

Gai grinned at the Sake and then at Genma, “Genma! You sly dog! Where’d you find this?!”

I rolled my eyes as Genma gave me an apologetic look before nudging me in so that we wouldn’t freeze to death. Gai, the ever social butterfly, had invited not only our graduating academy class but also many other shinobi.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as soon as I pulled my coat off, “Since you’re late, you own two shots!”

I laughed, taking the small shot glass and swigging it. It burned like a mother Fucker, shinobi alcohol has always been made stronger, but the feeling was familiar.

I couldn’t count all the times I had snuck off with Genma and/or Gai with a bottle of the cheep stuff when we were younger.

Genma and I got used to it quick, but poor Gai had never been able to get over being a lightweight…but boy was he a fun drunk.

Asuma two years ago had convinced Drunk Gai to run from the village gate to the stone head completely butt naked, and he had raised that challenge by doing it while running backwards on his hands.

No one could stop laughing for two days.

Gai laughed loudly, shaking the apartment with his booming voice, “now that you’re here, WE CAN START THE DRINKING GAMES!”

It had been an hour since Genma and I had arrived, and the alcohol and bright lights of the party was starting to get to my head.

I slipped out, opting to stand on the outside balcony. It was cold, like I had thought, but it was calming compared to the heat of 20+ shinobis crammed into Gais apartment. I enjoyed parties, I really did, but sometimes it all got too much.

I blame Asuma for this habit I think as I pull outa pack of cigarettes. Pulling one out, I place it between my lips as I search myself for my lighter.

Nothing. No lighter, meant it was in my fucking jacket at home.

Sighing, I run a hand through my hair before raising my hands to start weaving the all too familiar signs , when suddenly my body stiffened.

This chakra….

Fuck.

“Those things will kill you, you know.”

Turning my head, I look up, eyes softening at the source of the voice.

“You’re late, Kakashi. Party started at 7.”

The dog mask with the red painted on smile tilted, and the moon caught the soft glow of his lone Sharingan. He slowly and silently moved down the roof to be in the light, and I turned to face him fully.

“Oh? The time must have…slipped my mind.”

I frown, the cigarette dangling from my lips, “you should have come earlier. He’s your best friend, Kakashi-”

“Inu, (Y/n), I’m not off right now.”

My frown deepened, and I sigh,“Right.”

His mask tilted more, almost comically, “New haircut?”

I scowl, knowing he was being an ass. Stupid Genma a week ago had made a wrong swipe of his kunai during training, ending with me getting a free cut. Now, the hair curled just shy of my shoulders.

“Shout out to my barber.”

“Maybe I should see if Genma does men.” he evenly spoke and found a second there I could have sworn his tone was teasing.

I hum, weaving a few hand signs before blowing a small flame to light the cigarette And he hops down from the roof silently.

He stands fully, and I forget how tall the once shrimpy silver-haired man was when we were kids.

He’s still lean, not muscler like Gai, but he’s toned and I can’t help but press myself further away from him into the railing with a blush I convince myself that is from the alcohol.

Kakashi…ever since that day had barely showed his face around the village, opting to stay in the shadows. But every now and then, people were graced with getting a glimpse of him. It had been a good 2 years since we’d been this close, and that was in a room full of our comrades and in front of the council.

This, despite having all our friends a plate of glass away, was different.

“Those things will kill you.”

He repeated, tone commanding. I furrowed my brows until it clicked on my head that he wasn't some Anbu subordinate anymore, but a captain.

Still, I had never listened to him when we were kids…why start now?

I make eye contact as I take my first drag, and let the smoke swirl around me when I blow it out. I feel his eyes narrow, and I smirk with all the grace my drunk ass could muster up in front of Hatake Fucking Kakashi.

“If I die because of this, then that means I didn’t die a gory death in battle…and I’d say that’s a pretty good death for me.”

*let's see if you guys like this! If you do I'll write more!*

[mad4turtles]

Do you happen to have any thoughts, shenanigans, or ideas about Usagi and Leo from the apocalypse timeline? 👀

Any… hare-y conflicts hAHA… I’ll see myself out. /lh

Oh, anon. This. This is lovely!

(And it was supposed to be a one-shot but I'm splitting it into two, why do I keep doing this?!)

---

In another time, Miyamoto Usagi isn't attacked by a band of hired muscle sent from Japan by Lord Hijiki. No blue-masked turtle with a daring grin and flashing blades comes flipping into the vacant alley of the Hidden City bazaar to change Usagi's life forever with a quip on his silver tongue and wink to the baffled samurai he'd come to rescue like a damsel.

In another time, the Krang rip open the sky and run the humans underground, mixing with mutant and yokai kind for the first time in centuries for safety and security.

In another time, Usagi's sensei, Katsuichi—his father—is torn to pieces by a horde of infected Yokai before him and his little sister, Hana, roaring at them to run and leave him behind.

“Protect your sister! Live, Miyamoto Usagi!”

In another time, The United Council are formed--a (very) tentative alliance between the Council of Heads and the remaining human leaders of the United States to establish order and a semblance of peace as the world caves in, forcing everyone further underground.

It doesn't last longer than a year. Society finally crumbles, splitting into colonies across the country.

In another time, the survivors of the fabled Hamato Clan rise from the ashes of their own tragedy to take the lead of the Liberty Colony. Not all are on board with this, least of all the remnants of the crumbling Earth Protection Force, most notably their leader, Bishop.

In another time, Usagi joins the ranks to fight alongside the honourable (if unconventional) ninja clan, fulfilling his master's final order and honouring his own late ancestors to fight for those who cannot.

(The blue-masked turtle jokingly calls him “carrot cake” once, and Usagi decides he hates him.

It spurs a rivalry between them, which has half the base rolling their eyes, caught between exhaustion and fondness as they bicker like children every chance they get.

The other half starts a betting poll on how long it'll be before they finally kiss, for god's sake.)

In another time, the Krang break through their first base, and Usagi falls, injured. The blue-masked turtle—Leonardo—saves him from the jaws of a Krang hound, all grace, muscle and deadly steel dipped in searing rage. Usagi, speechless for once, lets Leonardo carry him to safety and passes out in his arms.

(Later, waking up in the makeshift infirmary, his sister cuddled under his left arm, Leonardo dozing fitfully on his right, Usagi stares at the turtle's pinched, restless face and decides he owes him his life.

A friendship blooms like a tentative rose among the thorns of a crumbling world, scathing jeers morphing into teasing jabs and scrappy spars in the vacant training hall. Their friends and family watch on with tolerant grins and, in the case of Donatello, mild jealousy but begrudging acceptance.

Soon, the jabs turn into hip bumps in the hallways, mirroring grins during training, brushing shoulders during war meetings, twinging hands during blackouts and lockdowns, sharing beds on colder nights and whispering secrets after screaming nightmares.

The rosebud blooms full and bright weeks later with Leonardo's awkward smile, sweaty palms and a stammered question that Usagi, hopelessly fond, answers with a kiss.

Donatello wins everyone's money.)

In another time, Usagi fails. A recon mission goes awry, and in her second-ever mission, Hana gets infected.

On his knees, he watches in frozen horror as his little sister, barely ten years old, writhes and screams in terror and agony as the Krang infection takes over. She begs her big brother through tears to kill her, spare her from turning, from hurting him.

It feels like hours, years, an eternity, infinity. In reality, it's only seconds as he slices Willow Branch through her chest.

Leonardo is there in the aftermath, stopping Usagi from taking his blind grief and rage out on the corpse of the Krang that killed his sister, yanking him away and holding him until his roars and struggles ebb, until they're on their knees in the abandoned office complex, Usagi sobbing his heart out in Leonardo's chest.

The days pass in a blur, but Leonardo is there, unfailing, patient, kind, loyal and true, and Usagi decides he loves him.

(A year later, standing among the gore and gravel of a rare but hard-earned victory against a legion of Krang, Usagi seeks Leonardo out. A fair distance away atop a fallen Mech suit, he stands tall and strong despite his exhaustion, covered in blood that's not his own, glowing in the spotlights of Donatello's searching drones. In that moment, he is beautiful, and Usagi doesn't—can't, won't—wait a second longer.

“Leonardo!” he calls.

Immediately, his boyfriend turns to find him, meeting his eyes across the way. “Yeah?”

“Will you marry me?!”

“WHA—?!” he hears Donatello squawk through the comms. Around him, their squad starts laughing and whooping and swearing in shock. April is screaming, shaking or slapping the nearest person—judging by the cries of pain, it's probably Donnie.

Leonardo's eyes are comically huge, his jaw gaping. Heart hammering, Usagi doesn't take his eyes off him, and he's glad for it when the slider's shock turns into a gleaming, helplessly delighted grin.

“You asshole!” he cries through gasping laughter, tears leaving scars down his bloodied face. “You couldn't—are you for real right now?!”

“Is that a yes?!” Usagi asks.

“IT BETTER F%&CKING BE!” Michelangelo hollers from—somewhere on the battlefield; honestly, Usagi had lost track of him in the chaos. “I AIN'T LOSING NO MORE BETS!”

“Language!” Raph barks on comms.

“I'M TWENTY-ON YEARS OLD, YOU BITCHASS SNAPPER! I CAN SWEAR IF I WANT TO!”

Leonardo throws his head back with a cackle, a trembling hand over his streaming eyes as his family devolves into an argument. Usagi climbs and leaps the distance between them just as the turtle drops his hand and faces him, golden eyes brighter than they've been in years.

“You idiot,” he chokes, reaching for Usagi's hand and holding it tight enough to hurt. “Yes.”

April screams in delight with the rest of their squad. Donatello hollers as his sister shakes him senseless, Raphael sobs, and Michelangelo lets loose a stream of mystic fireworks right as Leonardo sweeps Usagi into a spinning hug. Breathless and giddy, Usagi wraps his arms around his boyfriend's—fiance, husband—broad shoulders and kisses him. Leonardo holds him closer and kisses him back.

I won't waste this life. I won't waste our time together, however long that may be. I won't let you go, Hamato Leonardo.

When they part, Leonardo makes a face even as he presses their foreheads together. “Couldn't wait 'till I had a shower?” he chuckles. “I'm literally covered in Krang blood.”

Usagi nuzzles his nose against his own. “Apologies. I couldn't help myself,” he says, running a hand down Leonardo's plastron with a grin. “You looked very sexy just now. In a ravaged, war-torn hero kind of way.”

“Oho,” Leonardo raises a brow, his new grin downright devilish in a way that sends a shiver down Usagi's spine. “Ravaged, eh? That's a funny word to use outside the—”

“I swear to god, Nardo, if the next word out of your mouth is 'bedroom', I am going to be physically ill ALL OVER YOUR FACE!” Donatello shouts through comms. 

That does it as Usagi collapses to his knees in laughter. He doesn't collect himself in time to avoid being whisked into a bridal carry by his fiance when the commotion (and mystic fireworks, Mikey) attracts more Krang in the distance. But he doesn't complain one bit.)

In another time, Leonardo and Usagi are twenty-two and married without a ceremony.

In another time, Hamato Usagi is happy even at the end of the world.

---

Stay tuned for part two <3

[misteria247]

Me is watching Markiplier's FNAF: Security Breach RUIN playthrough: Haha this is great-!! I love the atmosphere of the pizzeria and the animatronics look so much more scarier!! This is great-

Roxy: Cassie, welcome back. I haven't seen you in a long time, tell me do you still like carrot cake? I remember you having it on your birthday. It's on the 11th, right? I remembered it because you're number one, twice. I'm sure that this year your friends will show up-

Me full on screaming internally and sobbing: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??? FIRST YOU GOTTA RIP MY HEART OUT WITH THE WHOLE FREDDY AVOIDING THE BONNIE'S BOWLING ALLEY CUZ HE MISSES HIS DEAD BEST FRIEND AND NOW THIS???????? WHERE'S YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANNA TALK-

[box-of-chaooos]

Headcannon toime

Fern anatomy bullshit:

Fern can eat vegan food, anything plant based souly no meat no egg nothing like that just plant. So he can eat organic things like lettuce, carrots.

At the same time he can also eat dirt, grass, bone meal plant stuff. As for drinking anything that can be absorbed is drinkable. Soda, juice, water. He has plant guts that process the sugar and stuff in the drinks!

Plant guts, he has plant guts so still got a stomach and stuff. His lungs and other things that a plant don’t need eg thing that don’t process water/food are all vestigial like his lungs for example

His blood is chlorophyll, his sweat, tears and saliva are all sap.

TRANS HEADCANNON !!mention of menstruation!!

Fern gets his period but when he does he doesn’t bleed chlorophyll instead he bleeds a dark red sap like some of those trees.

General headcannons now

He like bugs he often goes out for hours on end catching them, coming back with a small jar or plastic container with worms, crickets or if he’s lucky he’ll get a butterfly.

Different types of flowers bloom in his hair uncontrollably when he feels a strong emotion. Look up list of plants with meaning to see what they mean!

Fern has his very own garden he liked to tend to out back the treehouse. He grows plants and such and than around the treehouse he planted flowers.

Once they found out fern could eat vegan food jake and he bonded over it, Jake loving to be able to make new recipes for someone and fern excited to eat jakes cooking again.

Ferns self destructive, he bad stims a lot and rips at his grass. He picks his elbows or chews his finger tips.

Pressure stim all the way cmon now. Squoze is fr.

Audhd swag

He tried to bake himself fern cakes once but he almost set the place on fire.

Stim dances when he’s excited

[capricorndevil15]

Hey party people! ORLAM PLAYLIST BE UPON YE!!1 🥩🍷

I've been trying to upload this playlist all day, and even now I am pretty sure it won't be long for this world. TwT So get in a listen while you still can. If all else fails, I did also make a normal youtube playlist without the visual component (but I really wanted to show off my Orlam Collage…)

THERE ARE FLASHING LIGHTS/FLICKER IN THIS VIDEO! There's some randomized flicker effects throughout, but the big fast flashing one happens from 43:52 - 44:05 at the end of Hurt. If that would be bad for you, I recommend listening to the non-visual version linked above.

It may go without saying, but none of the art in this playlist is mine! All the images were ripped from Our Wonderland directly or found on Carrot's tumblr, and I just made it into a collage and did fancy editing for fun.

Tracklist under the cut

♛✧༺♥༻∞ Tracklist ∞༺♥༻✧♛

0:00 - 2:08 EATYOU!- Talkshow Boy 2:09 - 5:30 Blood- Billy Cobb 5:31 - 6:57 M'Lady- Dorian Electra 6:58 - 9:25 Prom- MSI 9:25 - 12:07 F***- MSI 12:08 - 15:12 In My Mouth- Black Dresses 15:12 - 18:15 What Do They Know?- MSI 18:16 - 21:05 Bunny Party- Schnuffel (nightcore) 21:06 - 24:19 fReAkY 4 Life- Dorian Electra 24:20 - 26:41 "Call This # Now"- The Garden 26:42 - 28:06 I Got A Melody- Talkshow Boy 28:07 - 30:26 Dancing Queen- Billy Cobb (a banger cover, original song is by ABBA) 30:26 - 33:36 Cake- Melanie Martinez 33:36 - 36:44 Never Wanted To Dance- MSI 36:45 - 39:42 My Blood Is Fucking Up The Dancefloor- Talkshow Boy 39:43 - 44:04 Hurt- Nine Inch Nails 44:05 - 47:18 I Just Wasn't Made For These Times- The Beach Boys 47:18 - 52:59 Linger- The Cranberries (daycore) 53:00 - 54:54 Memoir #2- May Roosevelt

56:00 - 57:19 Blood- MCR (lol)

[kaiwewi]

Sharing is Caring #2

[Masterlist: Sharing is Caring] [Part 1]

Synopsis: a few days after the last incident, Hero is missing time again. And someone has left them a message.

Hero was ripped from their slumber by the obnoxious beeping of their smartphone’s alarm clock.

Disoriented, they snatched the phone from the bedside table and fumbled for the mute button.

Why the hell was the alarm going off in the first place? They didn’t have any lectures for another two weeks. No appointments. No reasons whatsoever to cut their resting time short. There was no way they’d set this alarm. The damn thing had to be broken.

A terrible sense of déjà vu settled like something heavy on their chest.

No. No, no, no. Please, not again.

They squinted at the screen: 8 am. Tuesday, January 17th.

Fuck.

Another three days lost. An entire weekend plus Monday, gone.

They couldn’t breathe. They scrambled out of bed, started pacing, wrenched open the window. It didn’t help. Nothing would help. The world was spinning, blurring. Faster. Nauseating.

Oh god. What was going on? What was happening to them?

They really had to call someone. They had to make sure—

A soft breeze blew in through the open window and stirred a few stray sheets of paper sitting in the middle of their desk. Hero just so managed to slam their hand down on top of them before the wind could fully lift the sheets off the wooden surface.

The looked down to inspect the writing on the uppermost paper. The words peeking out from between their fingers were written in an elegant yet unfamiliar hand.

It appeared to be a letter. A letter addressed to them.

~~~

Saturday, January 14th

Dear Hero

How very astute of you to finally notice you’re missing time. And it took you only five skipped days to figure it out; I am truly impressed. (Yes, that is sarcasm, in case you cannot tell. Imagine me rolling my eyes. Well, our eyes.)

Said missing time? – Do not fret: I spent it for us. Productively, I might add.

The first time I took possession of this body, I got to spent two quiet days familiarising myself with our physical condition and our immediate environment. (I strongly suggest a change in diet. I suspect we might be lactose-intolerant.)

The second time my consciousness surfaced, I had another three days that I invested primarily into studying you and your life.

In other words: I read your diary. I’m sure you’ll recognise the necessity of such a transgression, given our current circumstances. (Though, I do confess to a certain delight in skimming through the journal, reading about your insignificant worries and secrets. Quite delightful, the idea that the great hero at the core is no higher or lesser a person than the next university student…)

As for your most recent entries… although it might have brought me great satisfaction to further observe your bewilderment over those ‘blackouts’ and ‘memory gaps’, I think it prudent to introduce myself before you ‘freak out’ and get the two of us locked up in a mental institution. (I’d rather we wouldn’t be put into a straitjacket, thank you very much!)

Don’t worry, you are not ‘bonkers’ or ‘totally going nuts’.

I can assure you: I am quite real.

Best regards, Your Brain-Cell-Mate <3

PS: Your penmanship leaves room for improvement.

PPS: I threw out your fast food and went grocery shopping. Once you take over our body again, please do make use of the healthier alternatives I’ve stocked up on.

~~~

Hero read the letter four times in total silence.

Then they went into the kitchen and opened the fridge to assess the damage. – The rest of last week's cake was gone. So were the leftover pizza and the convenience store lasagna. In their place, Hero found a bowl of potato salad, a bunch of carrots, smoked salmon, a glass of pickles, a few smoothies, whole-grain bread, and two packs of feta cheese. Even their favourite yogurt had been replaced with quark.

Well, screw therapists; they should call an exorcist.

They were possessed. By a pretentious health-freak demon.

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in their throat.

This was the worst moment ever to not have chocolate around.

[Part 3]

———

For my other stories, visit my [MASTERLIST] ♥

[ereardon]

I just found the most unhinged short story I wrote years ago about my ex and wow if I don't still feel so strongly about some of the sentences:

I ran into an acquaintance today. We ended up talking about the past. It’s all any of us have in common anymore. 

It’s been ten years in a city that breathes and heaves, shoves like a large man on a local subway car, but I still think y’all look ugly in the wedding photo I saw a few years back. I find myself wondering if she lets you eat the chicken and waffles that left you without a daddy a year after we met, and if your mother likes her the way she could never accept me. 

Margaret the Whore has mousy brown hair and I stepped on her half-sister the rat at the 34th Street Herald Square station three weeks after y’all announced a child was coming into this world. 

They say discomfort is a side effect of most medications, but no matter how high I get you still pierce the edges of my dreams. I can’t numb away loss the way you let yourself forget responsibility. 

Carrot cake isn’t traditional without raisins, but I think grapes have no place being shriveled– they’re better off being wine. I bet y’all had a carrot cake at your wedding. I bet you even rolled a raisin off to the side of your plate because I know you hate them too. 

Sometimes in the middle of the night I feel the restlessness of children unborn in tainted ovaries and I ask a God I left – people always leave – if your son was the one I was meant to birth. A boy to rip me to pieces like his daddy, webbed hands pressed to my uterus so I could press back. What’s it like, Margaret, to feel the cold empty space in an otherwise warm belly full of child? To know he is about as decent, unborn, as he will ever be?