#rinse and repeat. It gives me whiplash

[caguaydreams]

lmao why does SEGA keep pushing the sonadow agenda

I mean, I'm not complaining but ???? 👁️👁️ I know what you are

[utilitycaster]

I've also seen people say (on twitter of course lol) that Matt interjected deliberately and pointedly after Orym's family question which also feels a little wild to me, like there are "sides" between the cast and he's taken one. I don't think I've ever seen how far people in this fandom can run with something, so I'm surprised even though I shouldn't be. The Bor'dor discourse still also bothers me because in-game Laudna was simply not aware of the nod or anything else but what she wanted to do.

Hey anon,

I agree entirely, that this is conspiracy-level thinking. But ultimately I think what's more important is that if the ship I'd claimed to have desperately wanted for months became canon, and when the most recent episode that aired had the two characters in this ship canonically dancing together and one putting their head in the other's lap, I still found myself spending far more time talking about what a guy who isn't even attracted to either of the characters involved did ten episodes ago? I think I'd simply delete my account and walk into the woods never to return.

Like truly, I wonder, what is it? Is it that Imogen still hates Pate? Is it disorientation from the constant whiplashing between opinions depending on which character they've decided to hate this week, of which the rapid flip from "Bells Hells has a tight Found Family Bond, you guys are just haters" to "Bells Hells is on the VERGE of a BLOW-UP" is only the latest example? Is it because not only did Laudna say nothing about the Turn Undead from two weeks ago, but asked FCG specifically to Scry on Delilah and even seemed amenable to them asking the Changebringer for help on this matter? Is it because in that aforementioned dance, instead of doing anything to return Imogen's affections, Laudna just wandered off to make small talk with someone else? Is it because the cast cheered harder for Cyrillia/Novos? Is it because Imogen and Laudna didn't even bother to take watch together on Slival? Is it because nearly every opportunity onscreen seems like a lost one and the fans are running out of people to blame? Is it because the latest 4-Sided dive made it clear that there's been no planning, no intent, no change, and six episodes later still no out of episode conversation, and the Rose City Comic-Con Panel has no new information and is giving "contractually obligated"? Is it because more so than the ship, the people wanted it to be the Popular Ship, and it's not, because there's no connective tissue, none of the little moments that made up the magic of every past canon relationship on the show, just an accommodating blank canvas to play back whatever one is projecting onto it? Is it because if they keep blaming Orym, and FCG, and Ashton, and coins, and dice, and the DM, and the other fans, and every one else, they don't have to admit that they would rather be pining for the actually good slow-burn they dreamed of, instead of experiencing a Pyrrhic victory if ever there was one?

This isn't about Bor'Dor, or Orym, and it's barely about Laudna. Unless a chemistry that has not yet existed comes into being in the next episode, they'll either post some other conspiracy theories about an episode from three months ago, or they'll make up some other bullshit Us Vs Them thing to get mad about that Laudna will again fail to validate for them in game, and then rinse and repeat on this miserable treadmill of their own making.

[madforhoran]

Trials and tribulations of Dark Consort

Just a tiny blurb about life with AA 😈

“I don’t like these mirrors being here,” you say as your head bangs against the headboard. Lucky for you that you don’t feel pain these days. Guess that’s one of the very few positives. You look to your left, right and then above, mirrors everywhere. From floor to the ceiling. You wouldn’t mind small mirrors as much but this is disconcerting and not sexy at all when all you can see is Astarion fucking into nothing, his cock suspended mid-air, and he’s barely paying attention. You did not sign up for this shit. 

He’s done within couple of minutes while you are laying there unsatisfied and annoyed.

“My dark consort,” he drawls. “Don’t fret, we will ask Mephistopheles for another Rite of Profane ascension soon.” 

Yeah, you’ve heard this already.

“How soon?” You ask again, slowly getting out of bed. 

“In due course, my sweet inpatient treasure,” he assures you like he’s done countless times ever since you first brought it up. You pout as he plants himself in front of the reflective surface and starts mumbling how exquisite he looks. It’s obviously true but enough is enough. You were indulging him for first couple of months, now he should be giving you what you want. 

You roll your eyes as he starts tracing his reflection with his fingers, staring lovingly. Back in the day you were the object of such affections. He pays you no heed as you leave the room. Bastard. 

___

“Mistress, Mistress!” You hear a worried call from one of your servants, running towards you. 

“What’s going on?”

“It’s the master,” servant says and imitates a bird flopping his wings. 

“Gods below,” you huff exasperatedly. “Again? It’s only nine in the morning!”

The servant shrugs and leads you to the main banquet hall. Another stupid habit Astarion picked up over the past few months - drinking. Searching around, you find him splattered on the ground under the window in his bat form, letting out chirpy distressed noises. Or so you think they are sounds of distress. “Haven’t I told you not to transform when you drink?!” You snarl as you scoop him up like a wet dishrag. The servant hands you a silky pillow for Astarion to lie on till he sobers up.

The fucking bat is doing your head in. No, you definitely did not sign up for this.

----

“Do you really need to be looking at yourself while you eat?” A groan escapes your lips as you watch Astarion engorging himself with a piece of rothé steak. Yes, he had requested mirrors to be installed even in the dining room. The only place that’s free of mirrors is the toilet because he doesn’t want to see anything as he’s taking a dump. It’s a very traumatic experience and he’s trying to keep it a secret that he’s wearing diapers under his pants right now as a precaution in case a leak happens. 

“Why yes, of course, darling. I’m not going to squander this opportunity when I can do whatever I want, now that all he had is mine.”

“Ours,” you correct him.

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” 

You sigh inwardly. “Of course you did.”

___

You wake up to screams of absolute horror. Have someone attacked us? No, you realise, it’s just Astarion having a fit.

“My dark consort!” 

“Yes, dear?”

“I’ve had another bowel movement!”

You facepalm yourself so hard that you give yourself a minor whiplash. Gods below. “Darling, you do realise that bowel movements are normal for living beings?”

“It is absolutely not normal, I don’t care what you say! This is beneath me!” 

He storms out of the bathroom and approaches his writing desk. “What are you doing? Come back to bed.”

“I’m filing a complaint,” he grunts. 

The next day you read what he’d written.

Mephistopheles,

I have objections against the contract and I demand it is revised. 

Bowel movements were not mentioned and therefore it is within my right to demand a compensation.

It is safe to say that your wishes aren’t Astarion’s top priority.

___

Eternity. 

Every day the same thing. Rinse and repeat. 

Astarion making empty promises. 

Astarion peacocking around the mansion, alternatively flying into walls and windows while drunk.

Astarion talking about his plans for domination and then executing them, only to be thwarted by Duke Wyll.

You wonder what your life would’ve been like if you weren’t so dumb. Is it possible to rewind time somehow? Pondering whether it is a good idea or not, you visit a local diviner. If not living the alternate future, you want to see how it would be. 

The diviner’s eyes take on a milky colour as she starts to process the different pasts, futures, and presents. 

“My dear,” she says in a hoarse voice. “I see the alternate path, clear as day. The man you love would be looking at you instead of into a mirror. The pleasures in the bedroom…oh my, such insatiable passion. I see travelling, relic hunting, murdering bad folk for money. What a wonderful life! But you poor thing are stuck with a pathetic man-child.”  

Leaving the diviner you decide to take the matter into your own hands and write to Mephistopheles. However, it will not be about Rite of Profane ascension.

[aces-and-angels]

thoughts on ilw ch 21 (spoilers below)

first, a deep dive on matthias x mc:

Matthias McQuoid: a man ready to let the world burn if it meant he’d get his greatest wish... which poses a very important question: 

Is it possible for Matthias to have a happy ending? 

Ch 21 gives us readers the classic villain’s monologue- a peek into grandpa Matty’s twisted mind. A part of me was waiting for the ball to drop- to make Lincoln proud and finally be able to say Matthias is an evil bastard. Period. No discussion needed. But then he comes at me with ‘I wanted to spend an eternity with my family by my side’ and I can’t help feeling the slightest pang of sympathy. Grandpa Matty, complex till the bitter end 😭 

How could someone determined to do absolutely anything for his loved ones be so bad? While Matthias can claim he’d move heaven and earth for his loved ones (and he damn well near does), it’s not received with open arms. Instead, it drives them further away until he’s left with a dead wife and a son who wants nothing to do with him. I fear that an MC romancing Matthias faces a similar, tragic fate. 

They say, "a villain would sacrifice the world to save you*"

*but in the case of grand-daddy Matty, only until you no longer serve him. he’ll sacrifice the world, but never himself

MC x Matthias’ plan to make Devon/Noah the new anchor is only a temporary fix. Eventually that anchor will weaken. Yes, you could argue that he’d just wash, rinse, and repeat the same steps he did with Devon/Noah for the rest of time without batting an eye:

Manipulate the world to his will

Bask in his riches

Spend another millennia with MC at his side #dearcreature 

Who knows? Maybe that’s how their arc will end come ch 23. Bring me the epilogue scene of Mathias and MC sipping cocktails poolside. Let the villain have his cake and eat it too, right? 

This particular scene makes me think otherwise:

Matthias’ cruel nature is no secret to MC, regardless of their relationship status with him. Romancing him, however, allows MC to justify it. But that doesn’t stop that bit of doubt from creeping up. What happens when they're no longer enough? Deep down, they already know the answer. But as of right now, Matthias loves them. Wants them. Ironically, they voice out this hidden fear to Adrian: 

“It’ll never be enough. No matter how much you get, you’ll always want more.”

Stripped down to his most basic parts- Matthias is a selfish, self-serving man. One who takes, but never gives. He commands, but will never follow. It’s not an if, it’s a when; after enough temporary fixes, Matthias will want a permanent solution on his quest towards unlimited power/immortality and no amount of ‘love’ will stop him.

If we’re defining a happy ending as getting everything you want, then yes, it is possible for Matthias to have one. In fact, it is guaranteed. MC’s happily-ever-after with him, however, will always come with strings. 

me @ my matthias romancing mc: wake up and love yourself hoe 

---

now, onto some general thoughts:

man, what. a. ride. the whiplash from going between these incredibly wholesome moments to these gut-wrenching death sequences is way too jarring. *continues to see what other atrocities i can unlock*

we finally get to see lincoln’s item in action- and as speculated- we can time-travel bitches🔥 how many ways can our scooby gang die in the next two chapters??? the answer will probably traumatize me. 

as someone who was blindsided by jocelyn’s betrayal, her flashback scene was amazing to read. the call outside the school, why she wasn’t immediately at MCs side after the cave collapsed- it was all right there 😭

adios to gunnor- im gonna miss his feisty ass lol. ilw has made me a connor stan, so that connor x mc reunion was *chef’s kiss* perfection

the ily scenes 🥺🥺🥺 

s/o to the peeps in the ilw discord for sharing screenshots of the good, the bad, and the positively horrifying. yall are real ones ♥

one down. two to go. happy finale weekend!

[weebsinstash]

Consider reading Steel Under Silk and The Ghost's Nocturne. Both are BL manhwa. Both are kinda similar to Painter of the Night (on the pairing being a Huge Strong Guy With Issues and a Massive Dick X Petite Man) and yet completeley different. Both have noncon. Both are available on bato. to! Steel Under Silk is legit so good, I dont even wanna pitch it to you. The ML is *MWHAH* chefs kiss. You just have to read it and see for yourself. The art style on both are TOP TIER.

Man so like I was kind of indulging in this conversation with someone else earlier but, you know how there was like that cultural movement in like the 2000s onward where a lot of young women were uncritically consuming yaoi content and yeah there were definitely a lot of people being homophobic and fetishistic about it (legit I think the whole "yaoi is fine but yuri is gross" that was common for a lot of young girls was just internalized misogyny bc I was one of those kids and now I'm literally a queer person with a gender identity of Girl But Also Who Gives a Fuck) but like at the core of it it was younger folks being completely unbothered by queer media and even seeking it out, and then there was this reverse whiplash of "oh no only gay men can read these, if you read these you are gross/homophobic/racist" and it's like. I literally turned 26 the other week and even sometimes when im in YouTube shorts watching manhwa clips (believe it or not this can actually be a really good way to find more stories, some people make very high quality edits or clip and the algorithm will just eventually feed you manhwa shit nonstop) and whenever a BL story comes up, there's like, a sense of shame in my heart, like I gotta look away? "Like oh, better avoid that, consuming this media with gay men in it surely makes me fetishistic and creepy" and it's like, the queer community has not clawed its way to having some rights for us to pull this kinds inter-group othering like this 🤦‍♀️ im a fucking adult and im going to read these stories where dudes are gonna fuck and it doesn't mean a damn thing besides me wanting to see people getting Freak Nasty

But anyways yeah I will definitely add those to my recommended 👀 I think one thing I've been having to watch out for is that I will see a series and then I'll read the comments and it might be something like "dont read this, its extremely unhappy, the mc suffers constantly and the ending is sad" and its like. Yeah I like dark content but I have to be careful when it comes to stories that are kind of just straight up tragedy porn? Idk. Like. When I write dark content its kind of contained into like a one-shot or a story with a few chapters, it isn't extremely drawn out to the extent ive seen with a lot of manhwa. I had my eyes on "Broken Promise: Married Man" or whatever the fuck its called bwcause it looked like it had some kinky stuff in it and then I look into it a little and almost everyone was saying "oh no dude don't read this unless you have a strong heart, bad shit CONSTANTLY happens, this man SUFFERS"

Idk its just, sometimes it can be hard to find my personal limits with that kind of thing 🥺 I don't think I've ever dropped anything for messing me up or anything but there are times I've read fanfictions and it made me like depressed the whole day 😅 the hunt for good stories constantly continues!

Also. It isn't a BL but ive heard Finding Camelia is good? It's a manhwa about a girl who is forced to live as a boy because she's the only heir to her family or something and she has to go through a journey of self growth and learn to feel good as herself and a girl again? I dunno, i don't know many details about it but ive seen a lot of people recommend it. Honestly I'm trying not to start too many stories at once but like I can't stop, I find a good story, start reading, oh wait it isn't complete, better find a another story, oh wait it isn't complete, wash rinse repeat ykwim

[jmencken]

Still crouched, the more attuned he is to Roman’s actions, the harder it is to keep the composure he has and feels his breath becoming unsteady. Part of him thinks he’s regained the mood from earlier but still keeps the stern almost disappointed look thinking it would do more for him than anything close to acceptance.

It was new to Jeryd, this dynamic and there’s a cautious curiosity as he tries to feel out the dynamic of it. How unfamiliar his is with this motif adds to the excitement but he does his best to hide that part, thinking it would be a deterrent and he didn’t want that. He wanted to try this, give into it completely.

“I don’t want a yes man,” he snaps back only to soften his voice straight after in a new kind of whiplash. “I want a partner in this, and an obedient pup loses its appeal if that’s all it has to offer. You won’t let me down, that’s good,” and he flashes a quick smile, “a good start.”

Catching his breath, he had no idea how much this would work for him, but it does.

“I don’t think you’ve ever known what’s good for you but that’s part of it for you? Fuck up, grovel back, be the dog at your owners’ feet. Cycle rinse and repeat but with a different owner now.”

He chews his bottom lip and takes in Jeryd's wording. The good boy rattles something within Roman, and he looks to Jeryd with hopefulness. He likes being called a good boy, and it keeps ringing his ear. Metaphorically, he is on his hands and knees adorning a collar and at Jeryd's feet, taking in the praise of being a good boy.

Roman listens closely and he has this need to pace, but he doesn't. He still sits and tries his best to behave for the other. He pursed his lips, and nods his head. He knows that Jeryd was right. He didn't have anyone else. He had Jeryd. Was he okay with it? He thinks so.

He feels like he can trust Jeryd enough to fulfill what he needs to be — and what can come out of him. "I won't let you down."

It's a vague promise, but one he plans on standing by.

He looks to the side, noticing how Jeryd looks at him. "You're right, I do. I'm filthy and I need more of it. You know what's best for me. I see it."

[berlinini]

I never got into the HS train, not even when he was in 1D, he always gave me a bad vibe but then after his Harryween concert he was everywhere. A lot of YouTubers I follow posted about going to his concert and there was also the Grammy talk so I said fuck it and caved in and listened to his music. As with everything trendy, he disappointed me a little but I did like some songs and added them to my playlist but I always found myself skipping them so I removed them and haven't listened to him since. The difference with me is that I was already into Louis, Zayn and Niall. Just like you, I found Sea's blog and now I understand why he gives me bad vibes.

Oh God, the Harryween costumes... it's fitting that it was for Halloween because he does look scary.

I haven't listened to his songs since I've "un-harried" but hearing Adore You and WS in public gives me whiplash. I also can't stand the 1D songs anymore, especially the ones from MITAM. Maybe one day I'll listen again, there were some songs that I truly enjoyed like Fine Line and Only Angel.

I think the performance I liked the best was Harry's cover of Girl Crush (Live BBC concert). It was a really emotional performance and given the context of the song I think it was truly genuine. His promo for HS was endearing and I think his stage presence and costumes were really something, at the time. Now it's just... vulgar. Rinse wash repeat. Oh, whatever happened to you, Harry... "Enjoy the ride and don't get lost on the way up". :\

[whumperooni]

Scumbag Factory Supervisor Hawks

aka Rooni’s self-indulgent pigeonholing Hawks into a super specific flavor of asshole :)

/cracks knuckles

Let’s get into it, shall we?

Keigo Takami as a factory supervisor is a nightmare.

Is he mean and strict? Not quite. But he is not a good supervisor.

Keigo is the type of supervisor that doesn’t do shit. He used to be an okay worker, but ever since he got that shirt? Whew boy.

He won’t lift a finger to help you no matter how far behind you are on your numbers. He barely does his paperwork and gets annoyed when you come up to tell him that you need parts and there aren’t any in storage and can he please ask the stocker to fetch some because they’re not listening to you and you really need them. Just having him call the stocker over is too much for him- he’s a supervisor. He shouldn’t have to do such things.

Even if, you know, it’s his job to make sure everyone else does their job.

He’s the type of supervisor that gets pissed about having to work overtime- no matter if it’s expected. He expects you to get your numbers through the week even if he won’t get off his ass to help and won’t call maintenance even when you’re begging him to please call someone to fix your machine because it keeps throwing parts and you’re getting red lights and you can’t keep up production because you have to stop and fuck with it every five seconds to get it going.

Whenever you inevitably have to come in for overtime, he is an asshole.

He’ll snap at you over PPE and he’ll write you up for even the slightest hint of backtalk. If you get behind, he’ll talk to you like you’re a goddamn dog right in front of everyone even if it’s not your fault and it’s the machine fucking up again because he won’t call maintenance.

You’ll hear him bitching to the team lead about how he’s tired and how he’s sick of having to come in because “those slackers refuse to hit their numbers.”

Meanwhile you’re standing by with tears in your eyes because your machine is still fucking up and your hands are cut up from tiny little parts and your feet hurt from working your tenth twelve hour shift in a row and your back hurts from lifting and carrying parts around.

But, you know, he’s tired from sitting on his ass all day and lazily scrolling tindr and sending dick pics and bragging about his nice new truck and boat to anyone and everyone.

He’s always got the newest model truck. He’s got a nice boat as well- a beautiful Harley Davidson, a big house.

He’s in debt, too, but that’s not stopping him from showing off his toys to his fellow supervisors and team leads. He would show you but, you know, you’re just a machine operator.

Yeah, he’s that type of supervisor as well- the kind who sees his workers as busy bodies and won’t give them the time of day outside anything work related. (He barely gives you the time of day when it’s work related.)

If you’re a temp it’s even worse- you’re nothing but a useless meat sack until you go full time. And then you’re just a functioning idiot.

Of course, though, you’re lucky if he just sees you as a worker and nothing else. The only people who get his attention are the cute, young, inexperienced new hires- poor fools that have no idea what they’re in for.

If you’re young and cute, he’s going to lay down the charm and schmooze you like that’s his job. Warnings from seasoned workers will fall on deaf ears- as much as a douchebag Keigo is, he’s still hot and he knows how to play the nice sweet talker when there’s fresh meat to be taken advantage of.

His hands will fall on your shoulders as he stands behind you and explains the finer points of your job- little things you’ll pick up as you go along and don’t really need to be explained. He’ll smile at you and let you go home early without a fuss, will be sympathetic when you wince over sore feet. Back from break five minutes late? Aw, that’s okay hun. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

Cue everyone nearby rolling their eyes.

He’s hard to resist when he’s in his Nice Guy mode. He’s charming and smooth, helpful and understanding. And he’s handsome and smells so nice- like expensive cologne rather than the oil and grease and sweat clinging to everyone else. (Because he’s SITTING AT HIS DESK ALL DAY)

He’ll give you his phone number “just in case you ever have to call in” and you know you should only message him for work purposes, but when he starts sending cute little good morning texts your heart just starts melting.

And so does every other girls’ who he’s texted.

Yeah, those dreams you have of becoming his girlfriend and going out on his fancy boat on your days off? That’s not happening, sweetheart.

Keigo will reel you in enough to get a blowjob, a fuck or two.

And then you’re dumped for someone newer and better- given a cold shoulder at work and a simpering “it’s irresponsible for me to be with an employee” that you want to believe because he was so sweet and you really thought he liked you and you like him and-

If you’re stupid enough to have told any of your coworkers, then you’ll get a mixed bag of we told you and sympathetic pats on the back. If you’re stupid enough to believe he meant it, you’ll be in tears when in just a week or two the new girl on the line is getting the charmed laid on her- Keigo’s newest victim to be hooked by an expensive truck, false charm, a handsome face, and the daydream of a good fuck and a loving relationship.

At least the sex with him is good- even if his cum tastes foul from his diet of takeout food, energy drinks, and beer.

You might get lucky and get another round with him in a few months time if he’s bored and doesn’t have anyone else around- either a blowjob in his truck in the work parking lot or a quickie in the bathroom if he can be fucked enough to sneak around inside the plant.

It’s hot, but he’ll treat you worse after- comments becoming scathing when it comes to your work effort and a lot of “jokes” at your expense. It’s not the continuation you had been secretly hoping for and, really, it gets horrible when he starts berating you in front of the line for something as simple as stopping to get a drink of water.

The Supreme Asshole Act is because, well, he’s an asshole. And he knows you’re stupid enough to keep coming back to his dick. All he has to do is furrow that handsome brow and give you a puppy dog pout, apologize in a drawl and say that he’s just been so stressed, that being a supervisor is so hard, that he only lashes out because he knows you know that he likes you and doesn’t really mean it.

(He totally means it)

It’ll be a rinse and repeat cycle until the whiplash either makes you quit or go to HR.

And, honestly, good fuckin’ luck with HR.

Keigo’s got the factory record for complaints- even tough ass plant manager Enji hasn’t been complained about as much.

Sexual harassment, verbal abuse, favoritism- he’s got allllllll the complaints filed on him. But nothing ever comes from it- he’s got the HR department wrapped around his little finger. They all think he’s such a good worker and a nice boy- really, it must be the employee that’s in the wrong and, well, are you sure he meant it that way? You had to have misinterpreted. Keigo is a great supervisor and, really, you’re just a temp- should you be complaining when they haven’t even decided if they want to hire you on? :)

Yeah, going to HR will get you nowhere.

About the only person you can go to is Enji Todoroki- but the plant manager is much too intimidating for an upset temp to go to all because you were stupid and didn’t listen to the many, many warnings everyone gave you.

If you don’t quit, you’ll get to see him pull the same shit with other new hires. You’ll become tired and bitter and grow to hate your pretty boy supervisor with his new iphone and clean nails, the way he only comes around to make you feel stupid for not running parts fast enough. You’ll hate the way he flaunts his supervisor shirt and you’ll hate when he ignores your requests for maintenance. You’ll hate how he sucks up to Enji and how he’ll only get off his ass whenever guests and higher ups come around. You’ll hate how he’ll get onto you for forgetting to put your safety glasses on after break whenever he only wears his maybe once a week. You’ll hate how he casually degrades the women in your area and you’ll hate how you’re always made to clean up the line whenever there’s a spill and how he’ll let the boys go out for a smoke break.

You’ll hate, too, the quiet pang of jealousy you get whenever you see him leading on some other poor, unsuspecting sap.

Keigo is the type of supervisor that will make you drink when you get home from work. Keigo is the type of supervisor that will have jealous boyfriends calling the plant and threatening to come up there and beat his ass. Keigo is the type of supervisor to have a girlfriend and a “work wife.” Keigo is the type of supervisor to make your life hell if he has to come in for overtime and miss his precious basketball game. Keigo is the type of supervisor who will watch you work and throw snide comments your way while maintenance laughs along with him. Keigo is the type of supervisor that will stress you to the point of tears and have the audacity to roll his eyes from where he’s sitting in his stupid rolling chair whenever you mention being tired. Keigo is the type of supervisor that will be on tindr all shift and lock himself in the office to jack off. Keigo is the type of supervisor to mandate you for overtime in another line if he hears that you have a date lined up on your day off- even if he’s spent the last week ignoring your texts and your attempts at conversation.

Keigo is the type of supervisor that will make you hate yourself and your life.

He deserves a punch in the face and a kick to the balls.

[yeojaa]

SUGAR HIGH, chapter xiii. (w. JJK)

You're not entirely sure when it happened, though you'd come to terms with it. You'd counted the days, waiting for the inevitable. You'd truly thought you'd be okay, but by the broken, half-beating thing in your chest - you knew you'd never really been prepared.

alt summary.  You thought you’d known real love and maybe you had - it just wasn’t with who you thought.

pairing.  jeon jungkook.  mentions/involvement of ot7.

tags.  angst, break up, post-break up, comfort, OT7, slow burn, friendship, moving on, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, emotional baggage, fluff, canon compliant, jeon jungkook is bad at feelings, jeon jungkook is a good friend, jeon jungkook is a sweetheart.

rating.  general (for now?)

word count.  ~1800

chapter 13.  Like We Used To

When you're like this, it's easy to fall back into old routines and forget how his mouth had burned imaginary paths across your skin, setting you alight like kindling.  It's far easier to separate the two versions of him as he stands beside you, hip knocking against yours as his enthused laughter wraps you up in your own little universe of two.

You stay like that for a long time - longer than you should, after all that's transpired.  It's hard not to when his arms feel like home, the only thing capable of holding you together.

You know it's selfish, though.  Can feel it in the beginnings of your bones and through every fibre, colouring you black and blue from the inside out. 

Still, It isn't enough to make you stop.

(Just a few minutes more.)

Eventually, Jungkook shifts, though he does his best to keep from jostling you.  You'd been so peaceful in his arms, the sobbing, broken girl seemingly a lifetime away by the time sunlight began to stream through the large uncovered windows.  You meet his eyes curiously, chin canting with the same emotion.

"I need to pee,"  he says apologetically, like he's at all to blame for the basic human instinct.  At least it makes you laugh, short and sweet.  He wants to bottle that sound and keep it under his pillow, absorb it into his skin through contact that's never quite enough.  You're so pretty like this, before the weight of the day has settled on you.  He thinks about telling you but doesn't, because that's not the kind of relationship you have and well, he really does need to get up.

You notice the discomfort because otherwise you're sure he'd never push you off.  He never rushed you.  "Oh, sorry."

Despite your motion to extract your limbs - your hand from his chest, his legs from beneath you, fingers from hair - he seems reluctant to let you go, squeezing you infinitesimally tighter.  You feel it all the way through to your heart, the muscle stuttering to life like his touch is a defibrillator bringing you back from the edge.

"Just one more minute."

You're not sure who's indulging who when you relax back into him, your tired body sinking into all the crevices between you.  It's only when you're nestled into the crown of his head, the velveteen strands tickling your nose, that you speak.  "I'm sorry about last night."

It's not enough, you know, to say these words and offer no explanation.  You also know he'll never press you, because he'll be there when you're ready.  Such a shame that you're not sure whether that day will ever come, but you keep that locked tightly behind the cage of your teeth, swallowing the key.

"Stop apologizing,"  he chides with what you think is a roll of his eyes.  It certainly sounds like a roll of his eyes.

"You're going to be exhausted today,"  you return.  You can already see it in the molting beneath his eyes, the way the hollows look heavy enough for you to curl into.  Guilt returns in waves, fingers tracing the purple that mars his complexion.  He leans into your touch, humming affectionately.

"You can bring me coffee.  I'll be fine."  The words are pressed into the palm of your hand and it feels almost like something else.

You're tearing yourself away from him before he can react.  You don't catch the look of hurt that flickers across his face when you're across the bed, tangled in his sheets.  But he sees the way you look like a frightened animal, your hair sticking up in all directions and your hand shoved between your knees.  You won't look at him, though you sound a little crazy when you sing-song, "you should get up."

He's racking his brain for what he did wrong when he stands and moves toward the adjoined bathroom.

"I'll be quick, then you can brush your teeth."  Because just like at your place, you have a little drawer.  It's been wholly untouched for the better part of the last three years - the duration of your relationship with him - but Jungkook kept it regardless.  He even occasionally used your facial cleansing pads.  They just smelt so nice - like green tea and honey - and it was a nice reminder of you.

True to his word, the door swings open almost as quickly as it had closed and he's peeking around it with a toothbrush jammed against his cheek.  He waves yours at you, toothpaste already spread neatly across the top, and you're shuffling over, throw tossed haphazardly over your shoulders.

"Don't get any toothpaste on that,"  he warns around a mouthful of bristles.

You both watch - you in amusement and he in horror - as a tiny glob of spittle lands on your shoulder.  The speed with which he wipes it off has you laughing as you go about brushing your own teeth, meeting his pout in the mirror.  

When you're like this, it's easy to fall back into old routines and forget how his mouth had burned imaginary paths across your skin, setting you alight like kindling.  It's far easier to separate the two versions of him as he stands beside you, hip knocking against yours as his enthused laughter wraps you up in your own little universe of two.

Because this is your best friend, the same boy you've known since you were four feet tall.  The one that had pushed you into the ocean when you'd been too afraid to dip your toes, dragging you in like you weighed nothing.  He was the one who'd nearly burnt your house down in attempts to mimic your father's bungeo-ppang, placing the blame solely on you because he knew you could get away with it.  

Jungkook might've been the person you were now, somehow, heels over head for, but that didn't erase everything else.

He spits, rinsing all traces of mint from his mouth and toothbrush before slotting it back into place in the little bunny-shaped brush holder.  "We have the day off today."  The stare he levels you with is expectant but soft, like hope dangling from a gossamer thin string.

"No, you don't,"  you state matter-of-factly, returning your toothbrush to your own fox-shaped holder beside his.  You momentarily the lock of confusion that flickers across his face, cutting him off when he begins to speak.  "You're busy with me."

Sometimes, your mood swings give him whiplash.  This time, he doesn't mind.  "Oh, right.  How could I forget?"

The two of you stumble out of his bedroom a short while later.  The apartment is eerily quiet for being occupied by seven men but you take the opportunity to throw yourself into the nearest seat. 

"There's not much in here."  His voice carries from the kitchen where he's poking into the fridge.  

"We can order in.  Or whatever."  Honestly, it doesn't really matter to you.  You've always indulged in Jungkook's eating habits but find yours significantly more reasonable, though that's not really saying a lot.

Your legs are shifted, raised to make room for him as he settles down beside you before allowing your feet to return to their rightful place across his lap.  You admire the way he deftly peels the apple in his hands, setting near continuous rope of skin on the side table.  It feels oddly domestic. 

"It's too hard for delivery drivers to get into the complex,"  he reminds you.  One of the downfalls of living such a life. 

"Then I guess we'll starve,"  you say, solemnly.  His snort shakes his shoulders and he swats at your socked foot, making you dig the heel of your other foot into his muscled thigh.  This elicits a high-pitched whine and you can't help but snicker, though that sound quickly turns to shriek.  "No!"

Because he's trapping your knee in the thread of his elbow and his fingers, so long and capable, are clutching your suddenly bare foot in an iron grip.  There's mischief written into every line of his DNA, twinkling brightly in the depths of his dark stare.  "Say sorry."  His fingers brush experimentally against the sensitive sole. 

You nearly scream.  If it were anyone else, you think you might've been able to break free but it's not and your thrashing only prompts him to cinch his grip tighter, the whole weight of his body pressed into your legs. 

"Say sorry,"  he repeats through a chain link of bared teeth.  It would be intimidating if it weren't so goddamn pouty.

When you don't respond, he's repeating the motions.  Your lungs feel like they're about to explode.  "No!  I'm your noona - stop it!"

Another snort, one that goes unpunished, and he puffs a breath out that fans his hair from his face.  You both know it's a rotten attempt to get away.  "You're older than me by less than two months.  Don't pull that."  As if to drive his point home, he tickles you again.  First, on the sensitive parts of your feet and then everywhere else.  His fingers never stay in one place for too long, seeking purchase at the ditch of your knees and then higher, across your hips.  

He's all but sprawled across you, your head thrown back as tears spill down your cheeks.  It's a very strange sight.

"What are you guys doing?" 

The question punctuates the air and you're grateful for the way Jungkook leaps away, the only colour in his face a brilliant scarlet that tinges his ears and creeps across his chest.  You use the sudden freedom to draw as many excruciating breaths in as you can but otherwise remain slumped against the cushions.  Your entire body feels like overstimulated jelly.

You hear more than see Hoseok above your heads, his amusement infectious.  "Soomi-ya, seriously.  I think you woke everyone in the house up.  I thought someone was dying out here."

"It was his fault!"  A feeble attempt at blame falls from your lips, though it's quickly met with a rebuff.

Jungkook is indignant, doe-eyes wide.  Bastard.  "You started it!"

"You're both terrible."  It's not the dancer this time, but Seokjin.  He's somehow effortlessly put together at the early hour, RJ cradled under his arm.  He stifles a yawn as he joins your little group, taking a seat in the single chair to your right.  "Why are you up so early?"

"I was hungry."  

You can't help but stare at Jungkook, who meets your eyes with a tiny smile.  There he was, protecting you even when you didn't need it.  

"There's nothing to eat."  Hoseok again, this time from the kitchen.

"We know,"  the three of you chorus.  It prompts all of you to fall into laughter, the sound tinkling like bells in the faded morning light.  You're reminded, once again, of how nice it is that the Bangtan boys are home again.

notes.  hope you liked this semi-fluff because you're in for a world of pain soon.  lolz~

[areyoudoingthis]

my dash keeps giving me whiplash this week. it's like everything is hopeless dean is d**d and cas never came back cry for three days but wait no it's been fixed in spanish dean is bi deancas is canon you can be happy now but wait now people are organizing to rise up against the cw for real and you're gonna feel like you're in the barricades but also dean is bi in italy as well apparently and people who've never seen spn are getting into it just for the drama of it all and getting increasingly outraged at the less and less subtle nature of destiel and we're all collectively losing our minds to the brain worms wash rinse repeat good luck getting any sleep

[adonis-koo]

AAAA I love melanie martinez 🥺 I find the song Teacher’s Pet really fitting for Tease! Especially the dark-pop vibe it gives off. A lot of people think it’s about a legit teacher and student having a relationship, but it actually focuses on the power dynamics in a relationship and the aspect of control (not actually anything predatory;;) and how toxic and manipulative it is. Melanie is really good at relating adult problems and themes to childhood and I find her songs really creative ☺️💗

Yesss! I see another intellectual here 🥺 Her songs are so creative in being able to use childhood narrative for seemingly dark topics, but in reality it really reminds me of old nursery rhymes! I wouldn’t be surprised if that was some of her inspiration. Some of her other songs also remind me of tease as well

(Note: these aren’t own interpretations of the actual songs, they are just my narrative with how they correlate to tease in a more sinister way!)

Crybaby: I couldn’t make this list without this track! It’s practically MC’s theme, except in a more toxic version of tease we see her literally taking on crybaby’s role! She’s completely hyper sensitive and rather then watching her grow more confidence with fillers like we see throughout the chapters, I imagine MC to just wilt away under the heat. And eventually when things go from bad to worse with Jungkook she’d fully become crybaby without any remorse, leaving her stunted in growth and potentially never fully growing past her hyper sensitivity and understanding she can’t live her life letting others dictate her emotions.

‘They call me cry baby, cry baby, but I don’t fuckin’ care, cry baby, cry baby, so I laugh through my tears’

‘You seemed to replace your brain with your heart, you take things so hard then you fall apart’

Play Date: This one is an easy to see why it makes the list, it depicts Jungkook and MC’s aimless relationship, it shows her frustration and anger at his carelessness and constantly going on ‘play dates’ but never truly committing making her lash out and pretend like she doesn’t care and in return Jungkook acts the same. In the end though we see her cave in and admit maybe she does care after all and thus rinse and repeating their unhealthy relationship.

‘We’re just playing hide and seek, it’s getting hard to breath under the sheets with you’

‘I don’t give a fuck about you anyways, who ever said I give a shit ‘bout you? You never share your toys or communicate, I guess I’m just a play date too you’

Soap: A delicate balance in their relationship and trying to not to admit her feelings or catch feelings which MC seemingly fails at, it’s a constant game of cat and mouse and making sure she doesn’t misstep or slip up.

‘I’m tired of being careful, gentle, tryin’ keep the water warm’

‘Uh oh, there goes, I said too much now it overflowered, why do I always spill?’

‘Think I got myself in trouble, so I’ll fill the bath with bubbles’

‘Never should’ve said the word love, threw a toaster in the bathtub, I’m sick of all these games I have to play’

Show & Tell: Some might assume this is in the perspective of MC, but I actually see this as a song that tells a little bit inside Jungkook’s inner turmoil and frustration at being treated like an object by women, specifically by Soo Jin during their relationship. It really has a sense of passive anger that I feel like really fits Jungkook’s character.

‘I’m on display for all you fuckers too see’

‘Tell me that you love but you treat me like I’m never there, you say the cruelest words, use to break my heart’

‘Art don’t sell, unless you fucked every authority’

Drama Club: ironically I fully believe this is MC’s mentality by the point of chapter 11, 100% tired of Jungkooks bullshit despite him also heavily relating to this song as well in terms of her. MC however, sign the contract to learn how to strip, she never signed up for Jungkook’s drama and constant whiplash of emotional broodiness.

‘Everyone’s so soft everyone’s so sensitive, do I offend you? You’re hanging on my sentences’

‘I never signed up for your drama, up for your drama, up for your drama club’

‘You can keep your costume, you can keep your mask, i’mma take a bow so you can kiss my ass’

[elizabolt]

I did a family portrait session this morning and it was great to be shooting again.

But editing photos gives me serious whiplash:

*finds great shot of child*

“man, I love this! I timed that perfectly! I’m glad I asked him to do that! They’re going to frame this one for sure!”

*clicks to literally the next photo*

“I’m a fraud. I can’t believe they are paying me for this. Should I stop taking money for this? I really wish I’d done everything differently”

*clicks to next photo*

“Ok, I can edit this into something worth posting online... maybe I should eat something...”

rinse & repeat.

—I have to remind myself that I’m seeing every shot, especially those not worthy of editing, but once I filter down to the really good ones, I know they’ve got a handful they’ll love. I’m being paid for that part, too.

—-I really love photographing children, because you can really get the full spectrum of personality and a little preview of who they’re growing up to become.

[acecorvid]

I HAVE A PROMPT!! ok so miles is in school when he sees this cute boy who’s smart, athletic, and quiet and starts to question his sexuality a lot so the spiderfam helps him with crush advice (ft. Deadpool ofc)

“Hey Gwen?” Miles finally says, having spent the entire week trying to work up the nerve to ask this question. Every time he was around her he only thought about how he could bring it up but then he’d go home having missed his chance. While they’re on break from patrol, sitting on top of a roof, eating burritos, that seems like a decent enough time as any to jump head first into the ice water.

“Wassup?” Gwen’s mouth is full of burrito but her attention is on Miles immediately. He knows that she can sense how nervous he is, probably could all week. He both loves and hates their spideybond.

“Um, so I uh, I think I might um, have a crush?”

Gwen immediately begins to choke on her burrito and cough out a mouthful of black beans and cheese. “Oh. Miles. I’m flattered but-”

“Dude not you!” Miles sputters, nearly falling off the roof with how fast he needs to backtrack. He did not think this plan through very well despite thinking about it for a week straight.

“Rude!” Gwen nudges him with her foot, “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing! I- you- what? You just said!”

“I said what I said!”

Miles can’t keep up with this mental whiplash so he dives further into the mess he’s created. “Look! He goes to my school and-”

Gwen waits a moment but Miles hasn’t continued his sentence. “And?”

Wringing his hands together, Miles looks squarely at his feet. “You’re not gonna be like gasp! He? He’s a boy?”

Gwen blinks at him and deadpans, “Gasp. He is. A boy. Question mark. Exclamation point. Face screaming emoji.”

“What did you, uh, did you know already?”

“You just told me, dude. It’s not a big deal. You know it’s chill to be queer right? We literally have two psuedo-dads and I’m ace.”

“Wait, what’s that?”

“Zero sexual attraction. Not for me.”

“Huh. Cool.”

“Did you think any of the spiders would judge you for being queer?”

Miles shrugs his shoulders, “I- no. I guess not. I was just worried y’know.”

“That’s totally fair,” Gwen rocks her shoulder into him, “But we’ll support you no matter what, you know that right?”

It’s a huge weight off Miles’ shoulders and he exhales loudly as he nods. But before he can say anything, Gwen pushes him onto his side.

“Unless the dude you have a crush on is a total dweeb like you!”

“Hey!” Miles shouts as Gwen webs away, throwing her garbage into a trashcan on the street below them. He scrambles up to his feet to get a running start and shoot his own web to chase after her.

…

In the kitchen of the Spideyhouse, Miles waits until Gwen clears the rest of the spiders out, so that it’s just him, Peter B. and Wade alone. Peter watches this unfold with a raised eyebrow but he doesn’t say anything. Wade is too preoccupied tasting the food on the stove and getting whacked on the hand with the spoon Peter is brandishing to notice anything unusual.

“What’s going on, kid?” Peter asks once all the doors are closed to them.

“So you’re both bi, right?”

Peter nods, still wearing a suspicious look. Wade on the other hand is, well, Wade.

“Oh let’s see, men, women, nonbinary folk,” he starts listing them off on his fingers, “gods, Bob that one time, Death-”

“Wait, actual Death? Is that- nope, no. I don’t wanna know. The less I know about my competition the better.”

“Aw! There’s no competition for my affections when Spider-Man is involved,” Wade sidles up to Peter’s side, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him closer.

Miles makes a face, “Gross.”

“Why the question, sport?”

“Uh,” Miles takes a breath and sighs all his words out at once, “Howdoyouknowyou’rebi?”

“See a person: ‘is that my gender? Hot!’ See another person: ‘is that not my gender? Hot!’ Rinse and repeat!” Wade sounds completely sure of himself, the exact opposite of what Miles feels.

“But like- what if I’m gay or pan or some other sexuality I’ve never even heard of because there’s so many labels and that’s helpful for everyone who never had one before but how are you supposed to know exactly where you fit and what if I pick the wrong one and what if-”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down sport!” Peter shushes him, stepping closer and putting his hands on Miles shoulders to calm him down. Miles’ chest is heaving, he’s breathing so hard he feels like he might pass out, maybe he did too much running with Gwen earlier. “Look champ, you don’t gotta know all that yet. You don’t need to know that at all. Identity is complicated, it’s evolving. Sometimes you do pick the wrong one, even when that one feels right at the time, you might change and feel like something else fits better. That doesn’t mean you are wrong. It’s okay to question, you’ve got time.”

Miles blinks up at him, “That. That almost sounds like it makes sense.”

“And why is that so surprising?”

“Uh, no reason at all, definitely didn’t mean anything by that, no one ever called you a homeless corpse-”

“I did!” Wade raises his hand, “It was in poor taste.”

“Everything you do is in poor taste, Wade,” Peter chides.

“But actually, that’s- that’s good advice? Wisdom? That’s an odd thing to associate with you I mean uh- thanks?”

Peter narrows his eyes, “You’re welcome?”

“Uh, okay um- I’m gonna go home now and have dinner. Also, I have a crush on a guy at school, may ask him out in the future, please don’t background check anybody or show up at my school and be weird!”

“No promises!” Wade shouts at Miles as he practically dives out the front door. He immediately texts Gwen.

Miles: success! i think

Gwen: good job bud, u bi?

Miles: maybe? not gonna rush it

Gwen: :thumbs up:

…

The next step is the hardest part. The next step is his actual dad. He knows in his heart that his dad loves him more than he can possibly fathom, that his dad will love and support him, that his dad is an open and loving man, that he’s progressive and intelligent. That doesn’t change the fear he feels as he paces in his bedroom, trying to figure out the right words to say that he’s definitely not straight. He glances down at the black suit peeking out of his bag and immediately tucks it in deeper, he’s got to get better at hiding his suit. But seeing his suit, knowing how brave he’s been, knowing he can be brave again, that gives him the courage to walk out his door and down his stairs to have dinner with his family. Later, Miles would realize that the real person he should have pleaded with not to do background checks or show up his school and make it weird was his dad, and that would be the only thing about this experience that he’d regret.

….

(first) (next)

[operation-24]

I don't use ao3, at least for right now, the idea of being able to type into the text box both confuses me, and gives me whiplash sometimes, because its a contrast to ffnet, which needs either word or google docs, so I figured that was the norm. But no, it's like texting on a phone apparently. Type story, hit send, story released. Rinse and repeat.

My biggest problem i think is that you can’t see shit like italics in the editor since you have to raw input the html. euggh i don’t like it

[angiepangie486]

I recently injured myself

So the new place i live in is a house. The front living room has straight up, hardwood flooring.

I fucken slipped on the hardwood floor and hit the ground hard.

I hit my left elbow and my right middle finger. I might have whiplash.

I thought it would've funny to do a little run and then give my SO a pat(kick) on the bum before i went into our son's room for bedtime. Well, firstly, I'm a dumbass sometimes; and secondly, i no longer have that middle ear balance dohicky on my left side. The side i am also going more predominately deaf in.

Anywho the big 'what the h3ll' was that i hit my skull on the hardwood floor and shrugged it off and went to put my kid to bed instead of waiting a few minutes for the pain to kick in to see if i should take myself to the ER(emergency room- I'm American).

This happ3ned Tuesday night, aug 7th. I went into work wed like nothing happened and told a handful of coworkers. I do massage therapy, so one of my MT coworkers was like "girl! Honey! You could have a really bad concussion! Are you feelimg nauseous or dizzy?" "No. But it feela like my words are slurred and my head is fuxking killing me" "honey you need to get yourself checked out"

..........

I didnt go into the ER until thurs aug 9th, after having a phone call with my physical therapist. And she was like "ok 1st call your drs office and tell them whats up, try to get an appt, etc etc. Go to prompt/urgent care or straight to the ER." So i phone my drs office and theyre like we dont have openings today or tomorrow. So im like ugh whatever I'll go to prompt care. The prompt care specifically in my town by name 'prompt care' is more for not so bad stuff. Like pink eye or having the flu. ( i have gone in previously literally for those conditions. Also for what i thought was a sinus infection).

I ended up having to go across the street to the urgent care where they could do a bit more indepth stuff. I explain my situation to the male receptions and he calls a nurse. I tell the nurse the same and she asks me to write down my info and to march myself to the local ER.

And off the ER i went, with my 6yr old child, with a mild concussion, driving us across town. 😶

I had gotten there almost at 2pm. And there was like hella people up in there. Luckily my son brought in a math workbook and he'd ask me for help on some of the problems. So that helped my brain feel lucid.

Eventually i get called in and i get a room. Between going thru triage and being in my own exam room they thoroughly checked my blood pressure, oxygen, pulse and asked my pain levels which i thought was great. The overhead ligjt was unbearable and my son was starting to work me up so we both waited a bot for his dad, my SO, to become available to rescue him, lol.

At some point I'm told they're gonna pit me in the CT scan machine. My boyos go home, and a male nursr or attending takes me via wheel chair to the scan machine room. We have a little chat and he's also technically from the bay area like i am. Except he's north bay and I'm west bay/peninsula homegrown, lol. I almost giggled while in thee machine becuz the whirring sound of the machine along with thw machine comtinously having me slide all the way in part of the way out and rinse and repeat. Plus brain booboo makes shit funnier or harder.

Anyway lomg story short! My head skull and brain are totally fine!! Shit just hella hurts 😵🙈😭

[saras-almanac]

So I finally watched yesterday’s episode in full and boy is it annoying. This week literally gave my whiplash with Robert and Aaron and in a way that didn’t really work or make that much sense. Now I had a hell of a day yesterday and still dealing with that, but I have a lot of thoughts about this episode of Emmerdale. I know there’s a bunch of opinions and I’m just whispering into the void at this point, but I don’t care. 

Those choose to read, read at your own risk folks. 

First of all, I do totally understand that what’s happening with Robert and Aaron is a writing issue. I fully believe that because they feel very stilted and it doesn’t feel like “them” right now. That being said, this is still what we have to work with. And I just do not understand Aaron right now. And I’m getting really annoyed that he’s taking the moral high ground and dictating everything while Robert has to keep asking for forgiveness. 

Remember back when they had that fight when Liv was in prison? She gave him some home truths about how he makes everything about himself and that people don’t feel like they can tell him stuff because he might not be able to handle it? And then they went home and Aaron lashed out at Robert over it. Robert said then, “We can’t keep using the past as a weapon. And we’re meant to be different now.” 

I just don’t feel like Aaron’s really gotten that yet. Yes, he’s completely accepted Seb and loves him, but he’s still ready to blame Robert for everything and not talk about his feelings. It’s annoying. It’s annoying that for years we’ve had Robert constantly apologizing and working at evolving, but it just doesn’t ever feel like it’s enough. This idea that they keep throwing at Robert lately about how he’s just wanting to play God again and that he’s just interested in the win is just... not fucking true? Yes, he’s being manipulative and scamming Graham--but honestly, does anybody care about him at all?--but it’s not to play God. It’s all literally for Aaron, for their family. 

The Billy situation. Maybe I’m being too understanding because I too can be manipulative and controlling, but literally all Robert did was lie to Ellis. Everything that happened was because of the build up of tension between Billy and Ellis--and honestly, Robert did Ellis a favor. He can get out of Marlon’s house and away from his mother who has finally done what he always expected her to, choose Billy. (Side bar: I love Ellis and I wish him every happiness) And all that lying was done for Aaron. Because Aaron didn’t want to leave the house and wasn’t talking about what he was feeling or what he wanted. All we’ve seen him say was that he wanted Robert to come up with some way to get rid of Billy and then that he doesn’t really want to risk running into Billy. Every time Robert tried to talk to him more about it, Aaron shut down. 

Again, that’s Aaron’s choice, but it’s not a healthy coping mechanism. And it literally goes away everything they promised each other when they got back together--they keep talking about everything and work through things together. If it’s an issue of Aaron wanting to feel strong enough to do it himself, that’s great. But we haven’t seen that--we’ve really seen next-to-nothing about Aaron’s POV in all of this so we can’t do much more than infer and everyone’s interpretation is going to be different here. 

So Aaron got more angry at Robert that he lied to Ellis than when he “attacked” Billy. (Sorry, it’s just too hilarious to think about. I have to believe it was someone else or that Robert hired someone because... I just can’t.) Seriously. Again, Aaron’s allowed to be upset and frustrated, but like... his response is to tell his husband to literally butt out. That’s... that’s not how you’re supposed to do relationships? Yes, you’re allowed to want alone time and not have to do everything with your partner, but you also can’t really shut them out like that. Especially since Aaron keeps giving Robert a hard time about how he hasn’t changed--Aaron hasn’t either in this regard and I really want the show to start addressing it. 

Which brings me to today’s/yesterday’s episode. I’m just so tired. I was tired of this fucking dynamic back in 2016. And guess what? I’m still fucking tired of it. Especially because this specific situation is vastly different from every other one. 

Namely... Aaron knew about it the whole fucking time? So I don’t understand where he’s getting off now being angry that Robert’s scheming. Robert literally told him, if at any point you’re not comfortable or don’t want me to do this I’ll stop. Robert literally gave Aaron all the power here and kept him up-to-date with everything. This was a plan to get back what was theirs--and don’t get me started and that bullshit that was Aaron being angry that Robert sold his business shares to save Aaron’s fucking life because that is an insult I cannot let go of. Again, Robert did all of this for Aaron and with Aaron’s consent and approval. 

And maybe this is just the writing of the issue. The way that Robert was like this was all for you because I know how badly you wanted a baby was uncomfortable. I mean, it’s true based on canon, but like I wished it hadn’t been written that way. But since we have to take it at face value, I guess this really was just so Aaron could have a baby. 

I am just... exhausted of this dynamic of Aaron wanting something done and then getting angry at the way Robert goes about doing something and then Robert has to apologize and then rinse and repeat. Just once I want Robert to be able to voice something in response and not just passively take the reprimand. Or at least, in these currently situations, point out the fact that Aaron’s not talking to him or sharing anything him. I just want it to feel balanced like it was early last year and I just don’t want this to become the new normal. 

I wish this wasn’t so negative towards Aaron but I am just so frustrated with the canon right now. I know that Robert’s done some shady shit, but like... this is literally peanuts in comparison to the shit he’s done in the past. And again, it was all for Aaron and Aaron knew about the biggest thing. I don’t appreciate the way Aaron threw back at Robert the line about how all Robert cared about was the win and that Robert wasn’t even given the courtesy of a chance to response. Like if Aaron wanted to be angry and yell at Robert because he’s hurt or scared or heartbroken, I totally get that and that’s his right to feel whatever he’s feeling. But then allow Robert a chance to respond. Not to bring up the fight they had while Liv was in prison, but after Aaron called Seb a stupid mistake and how Robert’s always making them, Robert said, “I can’t believe you just said that.” 

Even something as simple as that line balanced the dynamic a bit. And that’s what these outbursts lack:  balance. It’s upsetting and annoying and lazy writing.