#meant to be a joke ofc

[madforhoran]

Trials and tribulations of Dark Consort

Just a tiny blurb about life with AA 😈

“I don’t like these mirrors being here,” you say as your head bangs against the headboard. Lucky for you that you don’t feel pain these days. Guess that’s one of the very few positives. You look to your left, right and then above, mirrors everywhere. From floor to the ceiling. You wouldn’t mind small mirrors as much but this is disconcerting and not sexy at all when all you can see is Astarion fucking into nothing, his cock suspended mid-air, and he’s barely paying attention. You did not sign up for this shit. 

He’s done within couple of minutes while you are laying there unsatisfied and annoyed.

“My dark consort,” he drawls. “Don’t fret, we will ask Mephistopheles for another Rite of Profane ascension soon.” 

Yeah, you’ve heard this already.

“How soon?” You ask again, slowly getting out of bed. 

“In due course, my sweet inpatient treasure,” he assures you like he’s done countless times ever since you first brought it up. You pout as he plants himself in front of the reflective surface and starts mumbling how exquisite he looks. It’s obviously true but enough is enough. You were indulging him for first couple of months, now he should be giving you what you want. 

You roll your eyes as he starts tracing his reflection with his fingers, staring lovingly. Back in the day you were the object of such affections. He pays you no heed as you leave the room. Bastard. 

___

“Mistress, Mistress!” You hear a worried call from one of your servants, running towards you. 

“What’s going on?”

“It’s the master,” servant says and imitates a bird flopping his wings. 

“Gods below,” you huff exasperatedly. “Again? It’s only nine in the morning!”

The servant shrugs and leads you to the main banquet hall. Another stupid habit Astarion picked up over the past few months - drinking. Searching around, you find him splattered on the ground under the window in his bat form, letting out chirpy distressed noises. Or so you think they are sounds of distress. “Haven’t I told you not to transform when you drink?!” You snarl as you scoop him up like a wet dishrag. The servant hands you a silky pillow for Astarion to lie on till he sobers up.

The fucking bat is doing your head in. No, you definitely did not sign up for this.

----

“Do you really need to be looking at yourself while you eat?” A groan escapes your lips as you watch Astarion engorging himself with a piece of rothé steak. Yes, he had requested mirrors to be installed even in the dining room. The only place that’s free of mirrors is the toilet because he doesn’t want to see anything as he’s taking a dump. It’s a very traumatic experience and he’s trying to keep it a secret that he’s wearing diapers under his pants right now as a precaution in case a leak happens. 

“Why yes, of course, darling. I’m not going to squander this opportunity when I can do whatever I want, now that all he had is mine.”

“Ours,” you correct him.

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” 

You sigh inwardly. “Of course you did.”

___

You wake up to screams of absolute horror. Have someone attacked us? No, you realise, it’s just Astarion having a fit.

“My dark consort!” 

“Yes, dear?”

“I’ve had another bowel movement!”

You facepalm yourself so hard that you give yourself a minor whiplash. Gods below. “Darling, you do realise that bowel movements are normal for living beings?”

“It is absolutely not normal, I don’t care what you say! This is beneath me!” 

He storms out of the bathroom and approaches his writing desk. “What are you doing? Come back to bed.”

“I’m filing a complaint,” he grunts. 

The next day you read what he’d written.

Mephistopheles,

I have objections against the contract and I demand it is revised. 

Bowel movements were not mentioned and therefore it is within my right to demand a compensation.

It is safe to say that your wishes aren’t Astarion’s top priority.

___

Eternity. 

Every day the same thing. Rinse and repeat. 

Astarion making empty promises. 

Astarion peacocking around the mansion, alternatively flying into walls and windows while drunk.

Astarion talking about his plans for domination and then executing them, only to be thwarted by Duke Wyll.

You wonder what your life would’ve been like if you weren’t so dumb. Is it possible to rewind time somehow? Pondering whether it is a good idea or not, you visit a local diviner. If not living the alternate future, you want to see how it would be. 

The diviner’s eyes take on a milky colour as she starts to process the different pasts, futures, and presents. 

“My dear,” she says in a hoarse voice. “I see the alternate path, clear as day. The man you love would be looking at you instead of into a mirror. The pleasures in the bedroom…oh my, such insatiable passion. I see travelling, relic hunting, murdering bad folk for money. What a wonderful life! But you poor thing are stuck with a pathetic man-child.”  

Leaving the diviner you decide to take the matter into your own hands and write to Mephistopheles. However, it will not be about Rite of Profane ascension.

[genericpuff]

what people assume i'm thinking while i'm working on rekindled: "GRRR I HATE LO AND RACHEL!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!! THIS WILL SHOW HER AND HER FANS! THIS WILL SHOW ALL OF THEM! I HOPE RACHEL SEES THIS AND CRIES!!!"

what i'm actually thinking while i work on rekindled: "man i'm having a great time working on this but i can't wait to be done with this panel that's driving me nuts. i wonder how i can get that cool splatter effect rachel did in S1. bright colors make brain go brrrr. i can't wait to get to the part where hades clowns on himself. oof i'm hungry, i need to figure out what to have for dinner tonight. oh look, an 11 hour retrospective on the simpsons-"

[orange-artblog]

joking around was fun but now I did a ~final of Esther‘s design xp

she‘s a supposed Aim (post dark cream) x Axel (errorink) kid made out of the magic of headcanons and inside jokes (/j)

Aim is by @zu-is-here / Axel is by @ari-cuno

anyway I went and had some more fun with her

alsoo this

[liquidstar]

crazy take: aside from actual lesbian romance stories, obviously, nothing passes the bechdel test better than moe "cute girls doing cute things" anime. its always just a group of girls, few to no named male characters, boys and dating are hardly ever brought up beyond the abstract, if at all. like we're focusing on the girls hanging out rn, we dont need to worry abt that shit. mugi just ate mio's strawberry.

[hjeojeo]

it's...missing smackjeeves hours..

telling myself if no one makes a good alternative for smackjeeves in the next like five years, im gonna start making one myself (only 10% serious)

i just miss like that atmosphere of 100% unmarketable, just comic sharing/making space.

where we all knew that 99% of the time the comics we see will never get finished bc ppl get busy, kids grow up and change interests ,etc. (i mention kids bc most of my memories of smackjeeves was when i was a teen, so it was a significant like developmental years as an artist kind experience for me)

like i remember most of the comics were like

barely legible sketch pages with like text written in mspaint.

there was absolutely no quality standard. and that's why it was so good

it made me as a kid feel like oh i can do comics! cause it can be WHATEVER YOU WANTED IT TO BE AND LOOK HOWEVER WAY.

and the collaborative ones on smackjeeves were so fun to look at

just overall.

having that. rough, crude, unmarketable space for art/comics was significant.

[flowerbloom-arts]

Some low-effort doodles because I've been thinking about Mymble Jr alot and just how much they watered her down in the 90s series. So I tried 'fixing' some scenes to make her atleast more expressive.

She and the Inspector would've been such a fun relationship if they just let them be themselves like in the comics (and books in Mymble's case), just, I dunno, they made her distinctly boring while they made the Inspector just a little extra silly and I think that's deeply unfair to Mymble. This is especially upsetting when they never shared the same panel in the comics besides 2 of them, and in one Mymble Jr is just standing there while Moomintroll does the talking.

[bugisbonkerz]

most pranks aren’t funny sorry. ⬇️

[scarlettfevor]

How it feels to watch minecraft diaries as a 21 year old woman

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

[silverselfshippingchaos]

hehe me and g.arrus plushie are cuddling!

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[widevibratobitch]

dunno if ive mentioned before but there is literally nothing in this world that i wouldn't sacrifice to hear just one more Mozart opera composed after Clemenza

[balkanballad]

literally born to be an older sister but also born to be an older sister tm

[seriousbrat]

I completely agree with you on the fact that James changed. It’s so frustrating seeing people say that Remus and Sirius were biased, as if they aren’t fictional characters who are supposed to tell the reader how things really went down. I find you strong for always answering to these people politely. Snape wives are the most annoying side of the internet.

Ehh to be fair marauders stans can be just as annoying and weird about the characters lmao. The only non annoying side of the internet is MY BLOG, run by me, person who has the correct opinions about everything ever ❤️🥲

[everythingsbetterunderthestars]

Similar to the other post I just made but I need to scream it again into tumblr because I want to: MY PARENTS ARE SO AMAZING you guys if you think people from different generations can’t understand us (especially queer people) that’s not true my parents are literally the best

[perilegs]

i hate slow damage so much there are tears in my eyes i am not joking