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#right after the big conversation
heyclickadee · 19 days
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You know, if/when we get Tech back, and if he had anything to do with CX-2 (either flat out was CX-2 and the impalement helped, or was CX-2 via direct control via something like my super niche operator theory), and he sees the batch before he’s completely recovered, part of me wants to see:
1. Tech back away from Omega when she sees him and runs to hug him, because he doesn’t remember her yet as anything but that kid Hemlock made him kidnap and he feels incredibly torn up about it and doesn’t know why. Omega’s little face crumbling when this happens would be devastating and it would be really great set up for Tech moving to hug her first once he remembers who she is. I don’t know, Omega deserves to have someone else be the first to initiate the hug.
2. Tech lose his entire shit at Crosshair and Hunter the first time he sees them without really understanding why. Not because they deserve it—they don’t—but because there’s some good good cronchy conflict there and it’s a good lead in to resolving the little bit of Hunter and little bit more of Crosshair that remains unresolved.
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gingermintpepper · 22 days
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In my Zeus bag today so I'm just gonna put it out there that exactly none of the great Ancient Greek warrior-heroes stayed loyal and faithful and completely monogamous and yet none of them have their greatness questioned nor do we question why they had the cultural prominence that they did and still do.
Jason, the brilliant leader of the Argo, got cold feet when it came to Medea - already put off by some of her magic and then exiled from his birthland because of her political ploys, he took Creusa to bed and fully intended on marrying her despite not properly dissolving things with Medea.
Theseus was a fierce warrior and an incredibly talented king but he had a horrible temper and was almost fatally weak to women. This is the man who got imprisoned in the Underworld for trying to get a friend laid, the man who started the whole Attic War because he couldn't keep his legs closed.
And we cannot at all forget Heracles for whom a not inconsiderable amount of his joy in life was loving people then losing the people around him that he loved. Wives, children, serving boys, mentors, Heracles had a list of lovers - male and female - long enough to rival some gods and even after completing his labours and coming down to the end of his life, he did not have one wife but three.
And y'know what, just because he's a cultural darling, I'll put Achilles up here too because that man was a Theseus type where he was fantastic at the thing he was born to do (that is, fight whereas Theseus' was to rule) but that was not enough to eclipse his horrid temper and his weakness to young pretty things. This is the man that killed two of Apollo's sons because they wouldn't let him hit - Tenes because he refused to let Achilles have his sister and Troilus who refused Achilles so vehemently that he ran into Apollo's temple to avoid him and still couldn't escape.
All four of these men are still celebrated as great heroes and men. All four of these men are given the dignity of nuance, of having their flaws treated as just that, flaws which enrich their character and can be used to discuss the wider cultural point of what truly makes a hero heroic. All four of these men still have their legacies respected.
Why can that same mindset not be applied to Zeus? Zeus, who was a warrior-king raised in seclusion apart from his family. Zeus who must have learned to embrace the violence of thunder for every time he cried as a babe, the Corybantes would bang their shields to hide the sound. Zeus learned to be great because being good would not see the universe's affairs in its order.
The wonderful thing about sympathy is that we never run out of it. There's no rule stopping us from being sympathetic to multiple plights at once, there's no law that necessitate things always exist on the good-evil binary. Yes, Zeus sentenced Prometheus to sufferation in Tartarus for what (to us) seems like a cruel reason. Prometheus only wanted to help humans! But when you think about Prometheus' actions from a king's perspective, the narrative is completely different: Prometheus stole divine knowledge and gifted it to humans after Zeus explicitly told him not to. And this was after Prometheus cheated all the gods out of a huge portion of wealth by having humans keep the best part of a sacrifice's meat while the gods must delight themselves with bones, fat and skin. Yes, Zeus gave Persephone away to Hades without consulting Demeter but what king consults a woman who is not his wife about the arrangement of his daughter's marriage to another king? Yes, Zeus breaks the marriage vows he set with Hera despite his love of her but what is the Master of Fate if not its staunchest slave?
The nuance is there. Even in his most bizarre actions, the nuance and logic and reason is there. The Ancient Greeks weren't a daft people, they worshipped Zeus as their primary god for a reason and they did not associate him with half the vices modern audiences take issue with. Zeus was a father, a visitor, a protector, a fair judge of character, a guide for the lost, the arbiter of revenge for those that had been wronged, a pillar of strength for those who needed it and a shield to protect those who made their home among the biting snakes. His children were reflections of him, extensions of his will who acted both as his mercy and as his retribution, his brothers and sisters deferred to him because he was wise as well as powerful. Zeus didn't become king by accident and it is a damn shame he does not get more respect.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#It's Zeus Apologist day actually#For the record Jason is my personal favourite of these guys#The argonauts are extremely underrated for literally no reason#And Jason's wit and sheer ability to adapt along with his piousness are traits that are so far away from what usually gets highlighted#with the typical Greek warrior-hero that I've just never stopped being captivated by him#Conversely I still do not understand what people see in Achilles#I respect him and his legacy I respect the importance of his tale and his cultural importance I promise I do#However I personally can't stand the guy LMAO#How do you get warned twice TWICE both by your mother and by Athena herself that going after Apollo's children is a bad idea#And still have the audacity to be mad and surprised when Apollo is gunning for Specifically You during the war you're bringing to His City#That You Specifically and Exclusively had a choice in avoiding#ACHILLES COULD'VE JUST SAID NO#I know that's not the point however so many other members of the Greek camp were simply casualties of Fate in every conceivable way man#Achilles looked at every terrible choice he could possibly make said “Well I'm gonna die anyway 🤷🏽” and proceeded to make the choice#so hard that he angered god#That's y'all's man right there#I left out Perseus because truthfully I don't actually know much about him#I haven't studied him even a fraction as much as I've studied some of the other big culture heroes and none of this is cited so i don't wan#to talk about stuff I don't know 100%#Anyway justice for Zeus fr#Gimme something give me literally anything other than the nonsense we usually get for him#This goes for Hera too btw#Both the king and queen of the skies are done TERRIBLY by wider greek myth audiences and it's genuinely disheartening to see#If y'all could make excuses for Achilles to forgive his flaws y'all can do it for them#They have a lot more to sympathise with I'll tell you that#(that is a completely biased statement; you are completely free and encouraged to enjoy whichever figures spark joy)#zeus
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sleeplessvalley · 28 days
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THEY TURNED UZI INTO A SYSTEM AT THE END???? WE STAY WINNING
(rambling about this more in the tags; blatant spoilers)
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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month
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I am liking Jujutsu Kaisen, way more than I imagined I would, but I foresee it will let me down and it's keeping me from enjoying this as much as I could haha
I think the characters and dynamics are well set, and I think many of them have an incredibly good and deep potential, but I would be willing to bet they'll not get a proper development, enough for them to really hit. A well assembled set of gears is not enough to make the movement go, you have to wind the clockwork.
I think Gojo and Megumi have a fascinating and very complex dynamic, but I doubt it will be given the time and care that imo it needs to actually work. And it is going well enough for now! One could see the intimacy between them was deeper than the one Gojo had with, say, Yuji and Nobara ever since the very first few episodes despite the fact Fushiguro too was a first year. But the pieces forming what they have are extremely complex, and it just wouldn't be realistic if it doesn't show, even if in a not showing way, or if it doesn't have consequences or implications.
It's one of those dynamics that shape one's life, the way one regards the world, the way one establishes or not relationships with other people. It's one of those dynamics that could be full of fondness, gratitude, resentment, admiration, trust, and that imply intimacy, the good kind or the bad, even if in just the knowledge of someone who's been a constant through your life. It could, and would, imply a myriad of feelings, and probably in such a mix it could imply contradictory feelings too. Even the nothingness would weight, even the nothingness would be significant and meaningful.
Gojo took Megumi and his sister under his wing, the son of a man who murdered him, because of both selfish and selfless reasons. Megumi looks like Toji. What does Gojo feel about this? How does Gojo deal with this? How does Gojo go about taking care of Megumi? Would he walk him to school? Make him breakfast? Celebrate his birthdays making him blow candles? Did he take him to the zoo? Does the relationship between them feel professional or is it something more? Gojo appreciates his students, but is Megumi to him just another student? When Gojo faces Sukuna in Megumi's body, did he see the kid he raised, or does he just see Sukuna in one of his students' body? Did he have one faint wavering instant? And how does Megumi feel about this? Is he resentful of him? Resentful of the situation? Of the selfishness behind his actions? Does he feel like a pawn? Is he grateful? Does he resent feeling grateful? Would he rather not? Does he love Gojo? Does he feel nothing about him other than what he could feel about a teacher that sort of annoys him but knows he's reliable in his strength? Does he think it unfair, cruel or unfeeling that Gojo is close, closer perhaps, with Yuuji or Yuta, considering their story? When Sukuna slices Gojo in two, does the remnants of Megumi's soul tremble?
And not just Megumi and Gojo. Yuuji and Nanami, Gojo and Nanami, Yuuji and Fushiguro, Nobara and the boys, or Nobara and Maki, Todo and Yuuji or Yuta, Gojo and Yuta, Megumi and his sister. Gojo and Geto, even! If the pieces are well set, the dynamics are intriguing, interesting, and have potential to be deep, but then the characters have like two plot relevant scenes that punch you hard, but little more, it's not nearly enough. Especially not nearly enough for the enormity that is shonen dynamics and situations. And the potential existing at all, and then not delivering, makes it all the more frustrating when you're left with something mediocre that could have been so good.
The development of dynamics through not only a few plot relevant gut wrenching moving scenes, but also the smallness of life, is important. The friend who recommended this to me said that those things were just unnecessary filler, but I disagree. I think there's a big difference between a large amount of anime-only filler episodes whose existence is based on the fact they had run out of manga chapters to animate, and moments of quietness. The low stakes character-driven moments of quietness can be so telling and so insightful, and they are so satisfactory when brought back later in higher stakes situations. My friend teased me there was no scene of Gojo making breakfast to Megumi, that it would be an idiotic idea, but it would be so telling. How he makes breakfast, what they eat, if he tries hard or if it's all mechanised, if they have personal bowls or if they use whatever, if he just buys them some pastry on the way to school, if the way they have breakfast changes through the years, or if he doesn't make them breakfast at all! All that would be very insightful on their dynamic and its evolution. All that would give a glimpse on how they regard each other and why, even in the present. All that could become meaningful in tense situations and high stakes scenes.
These moments also let the plot breath; if a lot is happening all the time, if every character is always experiencing trauma after trauma, the entire story is so emotionally draining that at some point you don't even care all that much. Besides, these nothing moments or low stakes plot arcs, besides deepening and developing dynamics, also let some in-world time pass, which would make the intimacy and bond between characters more believable imo; between Yuuji eating Sukuna's finger and their last confrontation in December how much time has passed? A few months? Am I truly to believe these characters are so everything to each other in only a few months?
Without some smallness, some repetition, some daily life, some low stakes not plot-centric development, the dynamics don't hit, they don't truly feel fleshed out, and dynamics as complex as the ones Megumi and Gojo have, or as supposedly meaningful as the one Megumi has with Yuuji or his sister, should be fleshed out if they're going to exist at all. Otherwise they'd risk making the writing feel awkward and fake. Besides, if the dynamics felt well fleshed out and realistic, they would shape the way the characters interact and act, and how they deal with situations, thus being plot relevant.
The shonen genre has so much happening all the time, the stakes are so high, the dynamics are so rooted in big events and the relationships carry enormous weight and implications. Yet they barely get developed, and it feels so stupid, so plain, the absence of something so important noticeable like a constant void, a shapeless nothingness present in every scene. It makes the characters feel like cardboard figures. Jujutsu Kaisen is already getting a better job than many, but I doubt it will do enough for what I've heard, and I fear I am bound to feel let down, and bound to feel unmoved.
After all, if not enough time and care has been given to develop a dynamic, I am not going to feel pressured by the high stakes; if not enough time and care has been given to develop the dynamic between Megumi and Yuuji, as good potential as it has I am bound to feel little for this last confrontation between Sukuna and Itadori, and his effort in getting Megumi back.
#It's not that I think everything has to be character driven or take a lot of care about dynamics#Death Note for instance works well without it. There's juice in the dynamic between Light and his father and the role of Matsuda there#and it works well with Light's views and their evolution and the whole Kira situation. It isn't much. It doesn't need more#But Death Note doesn't truly drop something as big as Gojo and Megumi to then do barely nothing about it#('But L and Watari' not the same at all. That was deepened in the anime and besides Watari is not one of the main characters)#Or Megumi and his sister. If we see barely nothing of Megumi and his sister other than shiny flashbacks of her#how am I to feel moved by it all beyond superficial emotions? I don't know. It just feels so like cardboard to me#And it annoys me! It annoys me a lot! Because Jujutsu Kaisen has amazing potential! The dynamics and characters could be amazing!#But I don't trust they'll live to their full potential and the potential existing for nothing is ruining this for me xD#Jujutsu Kaisen#Sorry this time I'm tagging it. I want to find this and see if I was right when I'm finished. I think I'll read the manga too#The condescending filler breakfast comment by my friend was ironic considering the Kramer vs. Kramer breakfast scenes exist#Breakfast can be so telling. And besides he loves the Chainsaw Man coffee scene so I don't get why not breakfast#But truly some small daily life moments can tell us a lot about a character that we could recognise later on in high stakes scenes#such as how they deal in tense situations‚ what makes them snap#how they go about dealing with a problem.#Sometimes it could be smaller moments or conversations what makes characters reconsider things‚ not just having Sukuna rip their heart out#In Pandora Hearts the conversation between Elliot and Oz about the book series they love and their favourite characters becomes key#Oz's development and how he regards things‚ his own person‚ and how he deals with situations will be shaped later on by this conversation#till the very end. The entire main character's development is shaped by a 'filler' conversation.It's not filler. It's just not a fight scen#Shonen manga readers find everything filler except for fights which is ironic considering that many fights in shonen feel unnecessary#Breakfast is unnecessary. Just filler. Fighting thirty seven secondary monsters or chapter after chapter of physical training is not. Okay#Things can be small but plot relevant. If it shapes and fleshes out and deepens a character or a relationship it is not filler#And mainly MAINLY for the love of everything good if you're going to make a fucked up or Meaningful Beyond Everything dynamic#give it time and care. Actually write it. Don't give me two panels and one conversation after some life and death situation. It's not enoug#Especially if I'm to believe they are important. Make me believe they actually are#I don't know... This issue with not trusting the development of very well set potential in Jujutsu Kaisen#has not only been keeping me from thoroughly enjoying the series‚ but actively keeping me from watching for weeks#It makes me doubt if I want to spend my time in this at all since after all time is limited and we can but spend it in a handful of things#A pity. I really love some things and I really think Megumi and Gojo could be everything to me haha the Heathcliff/Hareton vibe gets me
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I can’t even lie over time this pathetic little elf has grown on me and now I really like her as a character. she’s SUCH a loser. and someone said that she should’ve been recruitable instead of Halsin after uncovering the Shadow Druid plot and she could’ve had a redemption arc and now I can’t stop thinking about that alternate reality
#i have no idea if it’s a controversial opinion to like Kagha or not but#like imagine if she was sent away from the Grove. not banished but temporarily sent away to think about her actions#Halsin says she can return to the circle after she’s rediscovered the oak father’s teachings etc etc#so she can join up with you in act 1 and you get a druid then and not 2 in act 2 randomly#maybe she travels with you to find redemption. you were the one who pulled her from the brink so she thinks travelling with you#will help her do some good in this world#she can have a tense reunion with the tieflings in act 2 and she apologises. some forgive her. others don’t as is their right#and she tries so hard to redeem herself but she learns that sometimes people are still hurt by your deeds and they might not forgive you#I think it’s talking to Arabella that actually gives her growth#maybe it’s Kagha who’s involved in Arabella’s powers and her learning to tame them. Arabella who has reason of all to hate her#and it takes a while and some conversation and working together but I think Arabella forgives Kagha#she doesn’t have to and Kagha never expected forgiveness from her but she DOES and that’s what gets Kagha the most#she has a big introspective act 2 moment in the middle of the Shadow Curse#regardless she is first to suggest rescuing the tieflings from moonrise. not because she wants forgiveness but because it’s right#(to show her character growth and learning to care about the refugees)#and then her quest could tie into the Shadow Curse. she wants to do better and help people#and eventually the other tieflings start to come round to her. once she’s proved she’s actively bettering herself#the kids find her funny and Mattis definitely thinks she’s a loser and not scary or mean#like okay lady sure I forgive you whatever stop crying now#Mirkon is just a little sweetie so he forgives her as long as Arabella does and then he follows her around asking loads of questions#anyway sorry those are my thoughts I think it’d be great to have a redemption arc companion in act 1#bc Minthara is so missable if you don’t know to knock her out you just kill her#Kagha’s story would help indicate that there are hidden companions you can look out for#most of this is nonsense im so sleepy but will I stop rambling? no#also Minthara should top the hell out of this pathetic surface elf right now
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pagesofkenna · 5 months
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doing the math and i'm pretty sure chilchuck is getting his bow back next week, and we might finally get to meet the canaries (the elves), if not next week then definitely the week after!
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em-bandaid-boy · 3 months
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Hehe hi besties it's. THURSDAY
Augh I did it again.......
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apoloniaspiegelgold · 8 months
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All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.
And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.
#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours#'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work'#as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this'#talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way.#i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought#every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again#and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea#and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain#he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later#recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed'#and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just#there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day#i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know#what does it mean what does it all mean#ramblings
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roobylavender · 1 year
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(Really long ask ahead i’m sorry!) I think your thoughts on dick and his similarities vs differences to bruce are so interesting! Personally i’m wondering how much of NTT played an influence on this kind of characterization bc i’ve never fully finished ntt but i read like nearly all the pre-80s batman 1940 issues lol and dick very much was portrayed as more idealistic than bruce in some ways while more no-nonsense (? For lack of better word) in other ways, like when it comes to batman easing up a little on selina for romance reasons LOL. Though ofc dick totally turns into - well, a dick - in team books, as i grow older i find myself far more compelled by a potential story of an 18 yr old who seemed to have the whole weight of the world on his shoulders (by his own perception) and breaking under his own impractically strong sense of duty and sky-high expectations for others, then realizing as he grows older that it doesn’t have to be that way esp after seeing the perspectives of characters like kory, wally, joey, roy, etc. Like personally as someone who never really had a huge interest in NTT anyway, i’m surprised at how desperately people want to hold on to the characterization of dick when he was 18-19 and never letting him grow past that, like it’s so difficult for me to believe that at age 25 he would be the same uptight controlling kid that he was at 19. Maybe i’m biased though bc i was like one of those insufferable INTJ internet stereotypes as a teenager, and while that worldview did bring me achievements i’m proud of like the fact that i’m in med school rn studying what i love, i still know that at age 22 i have changed SO much from when i was 18 and i can’t imagine any reasonably mature or normally-functioning person (let alone someone high-functioning like dick) not doing the same lol. Especially since dick is the kind of person who would literally die if he’s not constantly growing and evolving past his faults bc of his insufferable perfectionism, idk how he’d be willfully blind to the negative effects of his worldview in early NTT and refuse to grow from there. He even has a quote that’s like “i’ve spent years as a student of my own behavior” which i always found highly encouraging bc i know he really does want to improve himself even at his worst. It reminds me of that Marcus Aurelius quote: “if someone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action, i shall gladly change. I seek the truth, which never harmed anyone; the harm is to persist in one’s own self-deception and ignorance.” But what are your thoughts? (Thank you for reading all this 🥹)
oh i absolutely agree! i cannot tell you how many times i think about the person i was a couple years ago and who i am now like i cringe so much omg.. maturity is an ever persistent process even if we don't recognize its effects immediately and it absolutely is crazy to think that anyone would remain in such a static state of mind for several years on end. esp when like you said dick is someone who wants to be better! so despite his several hypocrisies it is nonetheless in his best interests to look internally and analyze and evolve. and i feel like that very much could have happened had there been any actual segue between dick's breakup with kory and his re-entry into the batfam. i don't think there was much of a connection between these two sets of writers at all and so what you got is what felt like two very distinct parts of dick's life that didn't necessarily reveal a bridge point. so it's not entirely unrealistic that dick may grow to be the person (at least to some extent) that bat canon portrayed him to be in the years that followed but i certainly think as it stands it felt unearned and like all of his issues explored in ntt were conveniently swept to the side without any semblance of closure (albeit i do think some of these issues are addressed in outsiders '03 but in that dickheaded way that winick explores things generally. so i'm not sure it's the kind of closure people actually want). it's very sad and ig that's what people cling to more than anything. it's not that they're opposed to him growing to be a better person but that they're opposed to a version of dick who feels like he sprung out of nothing
#ironically enough i Do think dick going back to gotham after the kory breakup made sense#like when something that big happens in your life what are you going to do. seek the advice of the one person you look up to more than anyt#ing right. but marv wolfman complicated things by writing bruce the way he did so rather than bruce playing an active part#in guiding dick through some of his issues and mistakes he instead became dick's burden to bear through extensive post knightfall trauma#and i mean you all know i Love knightfall. i really do it gives me brainworms upon brainworms#but i wish there had been just one moment. like after it was all over. that bruce and dick actually got to talk and like#discuss dick's problems yknow#i get the feeling they didn't delve much when writing prodigal bc they had to set up the next arcs and stuff but it's like#come on. come on. they could've afforded it. if dick really had to come back to gotham for a temporary stint where he tried to find himself#than a proper conversation with bruce about what he was going through should have been a part of that#bc i do think working with bruce's new cavalry of three teen heroes (tim / steph / cass) would have borne wonderful opportunities#for dick to grow as a leader and peer considering his ridiculous expectations of others and how this would measure up against teenagers#but the problem is that bat canon decided he was going to magically gel with everyone bc he was emotionally more well adjusted than bruce#was. like ok. ok. whateverrrrrrrr#like idk it's so funny they were given a dick with a plethora of issues and instead of using any of that ammo they were like nah#we're going to make our lives harder and give him new problems manifested out of thin air. totally makes sense. bullseye#outbox
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mistystarshine · 30 days
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I really enjoy the way you've portrayed Adam and Lute's relationship in Three Years Time and Northern Star, as well as the interactions between Charlie/Vaggie and Lute! How would you write an interaction between Adam and Lucifer in that storyline?
Thank you! And maaaaybe? I'm not sure if I'm going to continue writing in that universe. In theory, I'd like to, and LOVE to do a scene with Adam and Lucifer, but in practice, I'm having some really horrible anxieties about my writing and if people hate it/me when I talk about my writing rn, so I may be taking a step back for a bit in general. Not sure.
#Answered#I am having. A very bad time right now#A pair of friends who I really cared about ghosted me a few months ago#After tearing apart my writing from head to toe#And one of them sent an email revealing that at least for them#It was because they secretly resented me the entire time#And they hated it when I talked about my writing and or life and interests#They felt like I was seeking “adulation”#And the correct way to interact with them was listen to them talk about their stuff#But not talk about mine at all#And I DID do that for a while#But then I slipped back into more comfortable conversational habits after a while because I was uncomfortable#So I slipped back into talking about my stuff#I TRIED not to talk about my writing at all#But it's such a big part of my life#And I did talk about my life#So they just randomly left one day#And I got the email about how I'm a praise-seeker who uses people as tools to boost myself up#And expects adulation for doing what was implied to be the bare minimum#And it REALLY fucked me up#Interacting with over creatives is a big part of the process for me#But I've been having trouble sharing my stuff with other people without having anxiety attacks since this happened#And lately have slipped into apologizing when I share my stuff#And beating myself up when I talk about my interests more than theirs#Which I HATE myself for#And lately it's just swallowed me whole#And I can't shake the feeling that all my friends hate me and I'm a toxic praise seeker who can't stop talking about her own shit#When I should be talking about other people's stuff only or completely. And it has me feeling like I should write in total silence.#Which makes me wonder if I should keep writing at all. Sorry about the in-tags vent I'm just having a REALLY bad time right now#I'm SO fucking sorry anon
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sheathnknife · 4 months
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kicking my feet and giggling at damon spending the rest of his human life tormented by the possibility of never seeing stefan again, not finding peace until he finally has his brother in his arms in the afterlife despite marrying the girl of his dreams… his very own eternity of misery….........
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dbphantom · 4 months
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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laelior · 2 years
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Second Chance
Follow-up to One Shot. Ao3 link
The Citadel is a big place. Certainly, it’s large enough to get lost in, especially for a person who doesn’t want to be found. And after looking for Shepard for the better part of a day, Kaidan can only conclude that no, she doesn’t want to be found. He doesn’t blame her for that. The coup had been chaotic, and the aftermath even more so. He’s left with more questions than answers about what went down with Udina and, hell, he’d been the one to take the shot. But it’s not that moment he plays over and over again in his mind once the shaken but still very much alive Council members begin to reassert control.
Every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is a pair of green eyes staring him down over the barrel of a shotgun and the sight of a gauntleted finger poised just over the trigger.
It doesn’t take long to find out that the Normandy is still docked, which means she’s still on the Citadel. It takes even less time for him to make his way down to D24 and to make the impulsive decision to use his Spectre authority to get past the gangway security to wait outside the Normandy’s airlock. There he stands against the bulkhead, watching the ships go past the windows now that the wartime traffic patterns have resumed. He loses track of how much time passes, but it’s enough to make him regret that terrible cup of coffee he’d downed before coming down here. Finally, the door slides open, and in walks Shepard.
The first thing he notices is just how tired she looks. Her shoulders are stooped and the circles under her eyes are so dark they might as well be bruises. When she sees him, her eyes widen and she quickly tries to back away, but the door slides shut behind her. She’s trapped with no way to get out without making the situation more awkward than it already is.  
“Alenko. I’d wondered where you went,” she says with such wariness that it leaves so I could avoid you all but unsaid. At once she looks as guarded and as vulnerable as he’s ever seen her.
It strikes him then that whatever inner turmoil drove him to find her is likely a fraction of her own, and that he’s had the benefit of a few hours to sit and process while the in-demand Commander Shepard almost certainly hasn’t. Not that the Shepard he knows is the type to quietly work out her internal conflicts. No, she’ll find the nearest sparring willing sparring partner and drive them to regret the willing part. 
Kaidan kicks himself for ambushing her like this. But. There’s no telling when he’ll have the opportunity to talk to her again so he forges on ahead.
“I’m trying to wrap my mind around what just happened,” he says slowly, trying to gauge where she’s at with everything that’s passed between them.
“Which part?” she asks tiredly, crossing her arms over her chest.
“It’s…” He starts, but the words catch in his throat. He breathes in through his nose and forces the words out through his mouth on the exhale. “It’s not every day you have an armed standoff with someone you love. How it all went down, it’s got me…I don’t know.” He ends lamely with a half-shrug, having run out of steam after that initial rush.
“Okay. Let’s talk.” She waves him on with one hand. Let’s get this over with.
“If I hadn’t backed down first, I feel like you would have taken me out.”
“Never.” She says the word forcefully, but it’s a lie and they both know it. He’d seen the look in her eye before, the implacable coldness with which she’d held him in her sights. He’d never imagined, not even when he’d questioned where her allegiances lay, that it would be turned on him. Yet here they are, sorting out the aftermath of just that. 
But maybe it means something that she wants to spare him with the lie. Maybe it means there’s something left to save between them. Oddly, it’s her reticence that tells him that yes, she would have, but that pulling that trigger would have killed her, too. That her sense of duty, which is no less than his own, drives her far more than her personal feelings and would have led to his own death had he not trusted her is strangely reassuring.
He reaches for her, his hand remembering what it feels like to touch her, to comfort her, even while the memory of staring her down between the sights of a pistol is fresh in his mind. But forces his hand back down to his side before he can act on that impulse.
“It doesn’t matter, though. It could have played out a dozen different ways. Main thing is we stopped the coup and Cerberus is off the Citadel,” she continues, seemingly oblivious to his movement and to the unspoken revelations that crowd the space between them.
“Yeah, but sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Beth,” he says. “Later when you have to live with yourself. Knowing you acted with integrity, it matters.”
“You’re talking about Udina.” She looks past him, rather than at him. “Do you think he would have come in quietly? Alenko, he gave you no choice. You had to take the shot. You acted with integrity. I saw the whole thing.”  It was never about Udina, but he allows her the out. So he goes with it, giving her a slow nod in agreement.
“Alright. Thanks. Look, Shepard, there’s, uh, there’s another reason I’m here.” He pushes himself away from the bulkhead and turns to face her head on and silently praying that he’s not about to make an ass of himself. “Hackett offered me a position. But, I’d turn it down in a second if there was a chance to join you on the Normandy again.”
The pause that ensues is as silent as a vacuum and heavier than a singularity. He knows he’s asking a lot. It’s not just a berth on the ship, but a place in her life. As a friend, a fellow soldier. Something. He’s barely even aware of holding his breath until the ache in his sternum forces him to breathe again. Then, her arms fall to her sides and her shoulders relax. 
“Couldn’t imagine meeting the Reapers without you,” she says finally, offering him a hand that he shakes without hesitation.
“Thank you, Commander. And Beth, I need you to know that I’ll never doubt you again. I got your back.”
“Never?” A corner of her mouth tugs up into a ghost of her usual smirk, and Kaidan’s throat tightens at the glimpse of the woman he remembers in that expression.
“Well, hardly ever.” He amends, returning her grin with one of his own.
“Welcome aboard, Kaidan.”
“Aye-aye, ma’am.” His hand almost automatically raises in a salute that she quickly returns.
He turns and heads for the airlock, letting himself wonder at the second chance he never thought he’d have.
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keeps-ache · 1 year
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steeping myself in the night air and hoping these ideas will take
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munch-mumbles · 6 months
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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bambino1294 · 7 months
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and when I get out of this FUCKING HOUSE
#rambles#literally ignore me I’m venting#bought some clothes online right#something I don’t normally do so spooky scary new things that freak out the tism#have to return a couple items okay#I miss one thing in the return package that I only realised after I give it to the post office#(I resolved it via customer service so it’s literally fine and not a big deal)#tell my mum I forgot the thing and she IMMEDIATELY loses it at me because I don’t want to walk all the way back to the fucking post office#like at this point I’m still anxious because I think I did something wrong#not knowing it could be resolved dead easy#so my mum literally yelling at me is not making me feel better and actively setting off my pissed-off defence mechanism#so last thing I do is call her a bitch and she actually screams at me#like should I have called her that? no#but has this woman ever apologised to me in my LIFE? also no#so I’m gonna be petty and stubborn and leave her to be pissed off cause she upset me first#honestly was fully expecting her to smack me in the moment or not make me dinner. I was fully prepared for that. but thats beside the point#anyway dad gets home. literally tries to make me talk to him in the kitchen and when I don’t want to he shouts at me#literally just not in the mood to deal with more conversation tonight and I told him that and he was like ‘okay paint yourself the victim’#like????? THATS NOT WHAT IM DOING FUCKWAD I JUST AM NOT IN THE HEADSPACE TO TALK RIGHT NOW#like I’m not gonna pretend I’m the bigger person in this situation or didn’t do anything wrong#but they’re fucking unreasonable people whenever I do ANYTHING wrong#like bro I don’t know how to sincerely apologise to people because I never EVER heard the word sorry out of their mouths#so they can fucking live with what they created tbh#congratulations your daughter’s a shit person and now you have to cope with it#honestly get me out of this fucking house the temptation to just walk out is only battled by the fact I’d have no where to go rn#vent post#don’t reblog ty#vent over sos y’all had to see that <3
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