#ridiculous special interest that takes up the majority of my time

[sugarwizard]

I am overflowing with bus knowledge. New buses arrive here? You bet your ass I will be detailing every new facet about it including the implications of it arriving here and the larger knock on effects of the other buses and how they will be used. I am exploding. I have informants (beloved friends) who inform me of the latest bus news or sightings. I am like a cat to a bird outside the window as soon as I hear the slightest sound resembling a bus engine. Actually stupid. I have to stop what I'm doing to identify the bus then move on.

[jay-m3]

Home [21] - Visitor [8]

Imagine: Them watching you do/watch sports

Male reader insert Warning* language, suggestive scenes

Characters: Adam, Alastor, Lucifer, Vox, and Val

Adam

Adam never was into sports. Sure he had watched some games here and there but he wasn't interested in it. Then you came into his life where football became a huge talk topic between you two. Like his concerts but this is your thing. As a supportive boyfriend, he attends to your games like how you attend his concerts.

Except, he'll support in his own special way and he's going to have fun. He'll have banners of your teams' logo, face paint in a unique rock style form, a blow horn that he'll blow every time your team has made a touch down and a jersey of your number plastered on (which he lifts, 'Suck it' is written on his stomach with an arrow pointing down at his dick every time he's on the big screen).

His sighs, tossing the now empty thin cardboard plate to the empty seat next to him. The cheese of the nachos that he ate stains his jersey which he just tries to dab away before the smell of hotdogs lifts his attention to the guy who is selling them.

"One hotdog here! With everything!" He calls out to the guy who nods and makes his way towards him. He pats down his pants to locate his wallet and thankfully he found it right before the guy reaches towards him.

"Here you go- hey, wait a minute. You're the person who is dating number (#)?" The guy questions which Adam smugly smirks at getting recognized as being the person who's dating one of the best running back player on the field.

"Yup." He pops the 'p'.

"Been dating him for a year now and since then, he always made a touchdown." He proudly announces even though it's not a true statement.

There were times where you're tackled down and end up losing but the majority of the time, what people has been focused on, was how much a better player you've been once you started dating Adam. He's your breakout is what your team teases about you.

Getting the hotdog, Adam sits back down, returning his attention to the field. Taking a big bite of the delicious greasy food, he watches as you quickly zag your way to the touchdown only to get bulldozed down by a guy at least twice your height.

Adam jumps up ready to release angry shouts only to choke on the food that was in his mouth.

Alastor

Alastor has seen some games here and there, just watching along while getting the gossip of men around him. That was the only reason he would watch, until he met you.

You're such a big fan of soccer. Always getting easily distracted by the sport on tv when passing by Vox's tv displays. He'll have to drag you away while you whine and pull from the firm grasp around your shoulder.

"Oh Alastor, that man will walk on broken glass if you demanded it. Why not let him do something he likes for a change?" Rosie gestures to you, who was straining a smile as you talk to a group of men in cannibal town.

Fine, Alastor will compromise. He'll let you watch soccer when it was in season, without disturbance nor making the old telly go staticky. A treat, he'll say.

So when the time came, you prepared snacks and drinks, wearing your jersey and some face paint. As much as you looked ridiculous, the softer spot inside Alastor was satisfied with making you happy.

After a few game nights passed, you begged Alastor to watch one game with you. Even putting in that you'll let him dress you how he wants for a whole month.

As tempting as it was, Alastor refused. Not wanting to waist time by watching from the old picture box to see if the men kicked a ball to victory.

Thankfully, Rosie had your back.

"Oh? Well, remember that time when we went out to the buffet with my late husband? (M/n) didn’t want to go, didn't have to but guess what? He did, as a gentleman. Not complaining nor squeamish at the way we ate all those sinners. As your partner, he went along to experience something you like. Why not do the same?"

So, here he sat next to you, the box displaying the game.

"Go for it! Go for it!"

His eye twitches as you jerk forward, watching intensely as the player runs.

Alastor sighs, picking up the cup of tea that he made for himself, taking a sip-

"WHAT THE FUCK!? HE PUT HIS HANDS ON HIM!"

Alastor side eyes you, eye twitching as you continue to curse out loud as if they can hear you.

'This is going to be a long season.' He slouches slightly in his seat.

Lucifer

Lucifer has never kept up with sports. It wasn't something he was interested in, not even when the sinners made a big deal about it at days.

But his curiosity had peaked when you would show him clips of a baseball game while babbling about whatever is happening.

It wasn't really the game he was curious about, it was how you would get so into it.

Asking opinions that you'll just answer them yourself. Collecting a lot of baseball cards only to stash them away in a protective glass case along with figurines, jerseys, baseballs and all of that. He can't keep track on the things you'll bring home.

It wasn't until he saw a billboard about there being a game near that you were just like him. Instead of ducks it was baseball.

If he ever got a chance to see a duck again he would be over the moon, with that thought, he bought you two tickets with the best seats.

A great decision as he sees you look around in awe, getting so hyper focus on the game when it started that you ignored him.

It was fine, he was prepared for this. He got up...and left.

Not from the stadium, just aimlessly walking around. Buying food for you and himself, stopping by the merchandise store, and just randomly walking up and down the many stairs.

When he gets back, he makes sure you eat something before zoning out for a little bit, watching the players do what they're supposed to do.

He wasn't interested, not really knowing what's going on. But from what he learned, if you hit the ball it wasn't a strike...he thinks.

He snaps out of it when an urge to do something again gets him on his feet only to remember about the bag you brought.

"This is for you. I know you're not interested in the game so I brought some stuff to keep you entertained."

He opens the bag to see many little items that will definitely keep him entertained. He is going to take you out on another game for this.

He smiles softly at you when you cheered.

You are truly amazing.

Vox

When he started dating you, it was very clear that you love hockey. You brought it up on your first date, stating clearly that it's one thing you can't miss watching.

Vox took it to heart.

With a lot of scheduling meetings and a little hypnosis, he was sponsoring your favorite team (In the near future, he'll gift you the company once your married).

All games, he'll get you both best seats on the house.

At first, he didn't get the game so he'll search up all the rules not wanting to make a fool of himself. But if he still doesn't understand, he'll only ask once. Won't ask the same question.

He also has tabs of your favorite players on his phone. He doesn't want to mixed them up accidentally.

Most times when nothing really good is happening, he'll step out to make calls and check on his own company.

All in all, he'll get really into it, especially when a brawl starts up. He's actually louder than you, encouraging the fight and smack talking the other team. Actually, you had to back up your man when another fan going for the other team starts something with Vox.

Once the game is over, he'll suprise you by taking you to the back. The team that you follow on every social media platform is now infront of you.

Before you can run off and meet all the players, you hug Vox tightly and kiss him with so much passion.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're the best boyfriend ever."

Vox watches on, electricity zapping up his antennas' as he saves the audio of you saying that. He'll replay it once he's alone.

Val

He found out you did sports was when you came out of the bedroom with your uniform on.

At first, he thought you wore those for him. You know, role-playing type of thing. But when you completely ignored his advances, he made a big deal of how your just giving him blue balls at this point. That was when you told him you played volleyball.

It piqued his interest, not the sport but on the many players that will dress in those small tight shorts and sweating through the thin layer of sleeveless shirts.

He'll go to your games at random times. Either for inspiration for a new sports porno or just to mess with you backstage. There were many times you two almost got caught in the locker room that at this point, a small group of your team already knew where you were if you were missing.

This time, after a good blowie, Valentino watches your game. Relaxing back as he runs his eyes over your form. He didn't have to be anywhere at this time so why not enjoy the view. Planning to convince you to do a little role play of being a bad player getting punishment from the coach.

That reminds him, he needed to buy the uniform pronto. Taking out his phone, he sends a text to Velvet-

He quickly looks up when the sound of a loud smack and gasps filled the room. Apparently, someone from your team has spiked the ball down on one of the opponents' face.

Disappointment passes through him that he didn't get the chance to see it until the opponents cross the barrier of the net.

He perks up quickly, a smirk crosses his features as a fight breaks out.

"Don't get your pretty face messed up!" He yells out, blowing out smoke as arousal shimmers inside him.

'Yup, a punishment is in order.'

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 34

welcome to the thirty-fourth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics. 

1. Red Poppies by @icypantherwrites

Hanahaki (with a twist) AU — Lance has never experienced a case of Hanahaki this bad. He wishes he could say it’s just the amount of flowers he’s coughing up and desperately trying to hide from the team, just as he’s trying to hide the fact that he technically died at Omega Shield from them, but it’s not just that. It’s the fact he keeps choking out red poppies. And red poppies...

They symbolize death.

the most interesting take on hanahaki ive ever seen tbh. i know icy panther is known for her edgier storytelling, but this is one of my faves of hers! i like the originality of it, and of course i adore the addressing of the omega shield disaster

2. Voltron: Last Dialogue by @uncouth-peasant [IMPLIED CHARACTER DEATH]

After the events of Omega Shield, the Astral Plane has a visitor.

okay look i know everyone freaks about major character death but im asking u to read this anyway. for one its only IMPLIED, technically lance could still be alive, and also it’s just a really well-written fic. lance and shiro have so so so much potential with how similar their characters and arcs are, so i loved how this one explored that in its heartbreak

3. The Poison of Deceit by @icypantherwrites

This diplomatic mission is not going the way Lance had hoped. The diplomacy part on behalf of Voltron is going fantastic and Lance doesn’t think he’d be remiss in saying he had a large hand in that. But the whole impress Shiro bit is an epic fail as Shiro doesn’t seem to notice his efforts at all and it’s only worse with Keith showing him up at nearly every turn. The aliens they’re working on the alliance though have noticed his efforts. But as Lance stands here now, Shiro and Keith’s lives along with a vial of poison in his hands, he isn’t so certain that was a good thing.

the fuckin ‘i drank poison to save your life’ trope will NEVER get old idc idc. the heart dropping moment when the team realises that by doubting lance they may have cost him his life...insanity fr. like i eat this shit up every time

4. blind spots by @adelfie

Lance knows something’s wrong.

Keith turns his gaze on him, dark eyes latching onto him like an anchor.

Normally this is when Lance can think of something stupid to say to make Keith smile. Bonus points if he can get a laugh. Usually it isn’t hard — smiles come easy when it’s them. But something is wrong, and Lance knows that Keith’s smile will be the farthest thing from him if he says it.

-- Lance gets hurt during a mission with Keith and the Blades.

blade pining down bad keith in startled awe of bamf lance...it eats every single time like lets be honest my friends. bamf lance in every flavour is delectable but through keith’s view????? oh god it’s something special

5. Isn’t There A White Knight by @bosstoaster-writing

Kink Meme FIll: "In the first episode, Lance says that Shiro is his hero. But Shiro is still just a guy in his mid twenties, and we've seen him join in on silly stuff ("Blam blam blam!").

So what I want is five times Lance sees Shiro do dorky, ridiculous things, and one time he realizes he'd still follow this dork to Hell and back."

C'mon, as if I could pass that up.

five plus one? check. lance learning to know his idol as a human? check. gentle and careful and clumsy relationships? check. and dorky loser goober shiro, my love and light? CHECK CHECK CHECK. this fic is so so fun. shiro should get the right to be a dorky goober at all times and anyone who writes that is my hero

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[good-beans]

HI @rainbowghostcat and @boxx-sama -- I have been enabled so I'm here to ramble a bit about my faves >:3 Top three are definitely Fuuta, Mahiru, and Yuno! Good taste gang !!🤝✨✨✨

It's a mix of enjoying their songs, genuinely getting into their stories, and relating to them just enough to go a little crazy asdfsd :') Shidou comes in at a close 4th, I love him a lot but I'm not as insane as I am about these guys lmao.

I was holding onto these asks to ramble when I had the time/energy but uuuuhhh I didn't mean to go on for so long sorry 😭 Woe, 03 06 02 thoughts be upon ye...

Starting with Fuuta!! His character has everything – He’s cool, he’s lame, he’s terrifying, he’s tragic, he’s funny, he’s unbearably real, he’s my silly little guy, he makes me cry, etc. The core of his character that always gets me is how normal he is. How he’s probably closest to the majority of the audience – he (and Kazui) are the only ones who did not have murder on their mind at all. He anticipated harm, but the thought of someone dying never once crossed his mind. He’s right around teens/early twenties. He engages with the online world a lot. So many milgram fans are in that age range, on the internet a lot (in order to enjoy the project and its fanbase), feel a strong sense of justice (since they’re so engaged in a project about morality), and aren’t in any situation dramatic enough that they expect anyone to die. He’s so much like all of us. 

Continuing on that, his heart really is in the right place to start. He cares deeply about people and society, which is why he wants to fix it. His vision is a bit small, focusing on petty issues rather than huge social issues, but the point is he cares. He attacks Es because he’s trying to be the brave representative after hearing Haruka and Yuno were attacked. He yells at Kazui and Mahiru because they’re not helping the others. He takes care of Haruka. He gives Mahiru a birthday gift even when he has nothing to give. 

His biggest issue is, he doesn’t belong. I’ve written up a whole analysis on how he’s written very neurodivergent: he misses social cues, he’s on the outskirts of friendships and groups. It’s more clear in characters like Haruka and Muu, but Fuuta is just as incredibly desperate for attention. For love. For that feeling of belonging in a group. His knightly fantasies aren’t ones of violence and weapons – they’re mostly scenes of him surrounded by a close-knit party of adventurers who are cheering him on. 

All of this together is what makes him so compelling and so tragic to me. All the characters are human and real, but he’s the closest to a lot of viewers (myself included). He let the attention get to his head for just a bit too long, let himself get swept away in finally having friends. He got distracted thinking that the focus of being a hero was defeating, and not protecting. And all it took was a brief time of getting drunk on this attention, and now he has a little girl’s blood on his hands. It makes me absolutely insane.

I also think he’s such a cool special case because he truly got a taste of his own medicine. The other characters are being judged in an unfamiliar way, but he is being scrutinized in the Exact same way that Fuuta pried open others’ privacy. He was attacked and almost died because of Es’ judgment, just as his victim was attacked because of his judgment. The process of Milgram is putting him in his victim’s shoes, and it’s so cool to see.

Aaaaand on a lighter note – he’s just so fun!! He’s my little skrunkly fr!!! I love his shit-eating grin. I love his ridiculous laugh. I love his crooked teeth. I love the knight theme, and the fire symbolism. It’s pretty standard, but it suits him perfectly. He’s got such cool, badass songs! I’m obsessed with his voice, both his singing and vd performances are incredible. His vds are the only ones I’ll listen to often and out of the blue – Arthur Lounsbery uses such an interesting and fun voice for him ;--; His design is so fun (apparently I have a Type for redhead characters…), and his t2 development and design were amazing! There has been no other Milgram character that I want to reach through the screen and shake violently by the shoulders and also hug so badly 😂

I’m so obsessed with her theme of ‘being so kind that it causes harm’!! Because it’s very easy to dismiss the other characters as unforgivable when you look at the harm they wanted to cause their victim, or disregard they had for their victim’s feelings. But Mahiru… she doesn’t want to cause any harm. At all. She took her boyfriend’s feelings into consideration so much so that she didn’t stop him when she definitely should have. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and yet she fucked up big time!! It’s such a unique type of murder!! The other characters need to be sat down and told “don’t hurt innocents, don’t seek revenge, don’t be selfish, etc” and then Mahiru is over here like “don’t be… nice to people.” Because it’s not about being nice per se – it’s about not being a doormat. 

(I know her story is still a bit mysterious – my running theory is that her bf had health issues completely separate from their relationship. They started getting bad and he started to consider suicide. Instead of stopping him, Mahiru combined her need to copy her lover (as seen a lot in TIHTBILWY), her ideas that lovers do everything together, and her belief that one should do anything they set their mind to (as seen in her comments about Es/Kotoko and the attack). She says she’ll join him, make it a lovers’ suicide, but doesn’t follow through at the last second.)

She (and Mikoto) have really interesting themes of how not caring for yourself can actually hurt others. They put all their efforts into giving back to others, to society, fitting into the norms and expectations, not questioning others, and it backfires catastrophically. If she had stood up for herself and her relationship, she would not have assumed anyone deserved to die. She would have known that it wasn’t up to her alone to deal with her bf’s mental issues. She obviously wasn’t handling it correctly (rats….) but she didn’t need to! She should have pointed him to professionals instead of deciding she deserved to die along with him! But she was so poisoned by society’s expectations of being the perfect girlfriend and being considerate of others…

She’s just such a tragic case because the power of love is supposed to be perfect. She’s been taught her whole life that it’s wonderful and magical and pure. Who can kill with the power of love, after all? I can completely understand her denial of the situation, because I also wouldn’t picture a terrifying, dark scene if I knew I was only being nice for my whole life! 

And her crime aside – she’s super fun :3 She has The Most Fun songs, she’s full of energy and excitement and enthusiasm! (out of the various english covers I like, hers is the one I jam out to most often hehe). She’s the most stunning character there! I’m a sucker for sunshine-coded characters 🌻🌻🌻I think she has the best symbols out of everyone, between the birdcage and the carousel. The fact that both Mahiru and her bf could be the bird and the cage. The two symbols representing beautiful things that can be trapping. Representing cycles. Representing relationships. I know the hourglass is a popular one but I think this is Yamanaka's finest set of symbols. I am unwell about it. So yeah, rather than give her a good shake I want to yank her right out of there – Get in loser we’re gonna get you some self-love!!!!

And a slightly shorter rant on Yuno because that was a lot adfsdf. Ad I'm aware of the irony that one of my points is that it kinda sucks how most rants on Yuno are cut short :( The thing is, she’s been very honest about her crime, and most people have considered her issue in a context outside of Milgram so they already have a pretty good idea on where their vote stands. Despite being the “obvious” innocent one, she really is the most emotionally charged character imo. It’s easy to relate to the other characters and feel knee-jerk reaction, but none have been so widely discussed as abortion and sex work. I can talk openly about everyone else and get into a nice discussion on morals and emotions, but Yuno is the one character I have to talk very, very carefully around. Whether I’m rambling about Milgram to my family or interacting with new fans, I never know what’s acceptable to say without falling into a whole debate on politics.

So, if it’s made me into someone who keeps quiet and skirts around things, I shudder to imagine the amount of lying/masking Yuno herself must do on a daily basis. I can easily avoid the topic if I choose to – she was dealing with that debate long before coming to Milgram, and is currently dealing with debates and judgements and insults and pity surrounding it. She’s naturally strong so I think fans often forget all the shit that this 18yo is dealing with on a daily basis, and how effortless she’s making it look <3

[uranium-city]

as an aspiring storyteller & writer i find analyzing what works & what doesn’t work in media to be incredibly important. not only does it help us realize where we may have made mistakes in our writing & how to improve going forward, but it also helps understand why certain stories work so well. it helps us realize why critically acclaimed media is so critically acclaimed & appreciate the thought, care, & intelligence that went into making it so special. without criticism- all that thought loses its meaning. bland stories become indistinct from the incredible ones & all the deeply well thought out plot points & messages wash away into a sea of poor &/or lazy writing. we need criticism to appreciate strong writing. being critical of your interests- whether it be a highly acclaimed film or a weaker piece of media that you hold deadly despite its flaws- shows maturity, media literacy, & overall the beauty of how different stories resonate so deeply with people regardless of its issues. that’s why the way Vivziepop responds to criticism irks me on such a strong level. Helluva Boss is a very poorly written show (in my humble opinion, at least). Season 2 has retconned a ridiculous amount of things established season 1 (most notably Stolas’ entire character), has a massive problem with maintaining tone, jumps around from plot to plot by introducing new threat after new threat only to abandoned that threat by introducing a new one the next episode, struggles with developing its own main & supporting characters, & perhaps most offensively of all often comes off as downright fetish-y of gay men. These are all valid criticisms, all of which Vivziepop tries to dismiss as “baseless & unfair”. She claims she respects fair criticism yet never makes a distinction between what is fair & unfair, treating everything as the latter, going on twitter rampages where she attempts to defend her writing decisions & ridicules anyone who dare challenge them. If Vivziepop believes she’s writing the show in the optimal way, fine. If she doesn’t want to listen to criticism & continues to take Helluva Boss in the direction it’s currently going, fine. so be it. She’s in such a unique position where she’s so close to her audience & actively listening to their criticisms, I personally don’t understand why one wouldn’t try to take advantage of that to better their show, but at the same time I can understand having a set story in mind & wanting to take it your way despite what anyone else says. It can be frustrating to have everyone telling you you’re doing your passion project wrong- i get that. but in that case- just continue writing the show how you want, ignore the criticism, & stop having hissy fits on twitter calling people homophobic for not liking your writing (seriously what the fuck? that’s laughable of her to saying given how she writes her gay characters, just saying). Your writing should speak for itself, you shouldn’t have to defend it by crying on twitter. Dismissing all criticism & trying to paint the narrative that you’re nothing more than a victim with a hatedom out to get you is BAFFLINGLY immature ESPECIALLY as someone in their 30s. It only bothers me so much because she’s actively fostering an environment that dismisses criticism which i think is genuinely harmful. & as much as Helluva tries to be an adult show, let’s be real here, a majority of its audience are teenagers who look up to Viv & if THIS is the mindset they end up developing surrounding criticism I think it could genuinely be a problem in regards to their media literacy in the future. People can like Helluva Boss, people can ignore its flaws, but that kind of relationship with criticism is not healthy. at all.

[crying-fantasies]

Declaration of a robo-fucker

I think everyone has noticed to this point in my work that, as it is obvious, the many pieces of different transformers media are blended together.

Because every piece of media is valuable, be it north american, asian or whatever that comes, it feeds the little girl that once found something incredible in her uncle's pirated DVD collection when she was 5 years old, the very same little girl that learned English while watching with subtitles in bad quality how Optimus Prime declared that every life matters.

The very same girl that said how much she loved Optimus Prime in school and was bullied for it, with classmates harassing back an forth saying that she wasn't normal for liking a robot, her own teacher telling her parents that the original series for kids wasn't adequate for her age and it was giving strange ideas with inadequate romance.

A kid that was banned from her favorite series, had her poor and innocent uncle be reprimanded for showing a disrespectful cartoon that was giving strange ideas to his way too impressionable niece, an incredible uncle that only wanted to let her know of an alien species that fought for what was right and saw something special in earth and it's people.

A kid that was banned by herself to even think about it again, and if she did, she would do it with shame, one that tried to think about other things while at it because she could still hear the jokes about her and how she would be mother of a microwave.

A little girl that tried to forget but once again found a figment of her interest in the live action movies that, while not the pinnacle for majority, was enough to be accepted in some way, that got every penny in her possession to buy a ticket for herself and still be denied to use it because her parents said it wasn't normal she liked it so much, taking her to the psychiatrist instead of the movie theater while her mother asked God why her daughter couldn't be normal.

She was normal, I'm normal, Just because I like different things doesn't mean I'm that different, maybe not everyone writes about romance between alien robots and humans and that's okay.

So it's okay if I use fragments of the live action movies, be it from the Bumblebee ones or the Bayverse ones, because those were what I could get, especially the BV since my uncle was a fan too and he kept on giving me pirated DVDs under the table during family reunions where we should be normal in their own standards; I remember how the soldiers of NEST risked their lifes, their careers and their future as a whole to bring back Optimus Prime and protect the autobots from other humans, I saw Cade Jaeger risk everything to help the autobots while others said he was a traitor and wasn't normal, I saw Jetfire leave the decepticons for something better, give his life to save a planet in the middle of nowhere just because it was the right thing for him, and in his own words traduced to Spanish: ¿quién quiere vivir una vida llena de odio? (Isn't that what legends are made from?)

No one here is, but we also are, we just don't cut in their correct way of seeing things.

And, yeah, I like some things of the Bayverse, so what? The whole thing isn't perfect, hell, there is no media that's perfect so far because the 100 percent of our community can't agree in the same one, everyone has their own tastes, so don't go shaming me for liking these movies, and I'll keep on using some references in my works with them, you can ignore it or you can just stay away from my Tumblr, is as simple as that, there is no necessity to put the anonymous button to tell how lame my taste is or how ridiculous I'm for bringing up things in the movie or even dare to tell me my work sucks for those little things or to put it down from internet, because internet is eternal, nothing in there can be deleted forever, and it doesn't matter how many times you tell me that you like my content but hate those parts and even have the gall to insult me for it or tell me you'll steal my account to make it right to your tastes, my work will be safes somewhere of that im sure, and why do you want this account?! It isn't even more than a girl trying to create something she likes while other people also like it!

I love the live action movies because those reconnected me with something dear for me, I love the animated ones and I love the comics! All break my heart when someone dies, of course! Who didn't cry at least once when a loved character is gone?! But this is my fiction, this is my alternative universe, and I just want them to be happy and if I can then so be it.

So yeah, I've posted more than ever to spite you, because grow up or whatever, people won't do what you demand them for just because you want it, and yeah Cade and NEST and Lennox and Epps and many other characters of the movies exist in my AU! One way or another because I liked their characters and how they stay with the transformers because I would do the same if I could, help them as I could.

But everything is fiction and even now I'm facing and struggling to help people in a war that doesn't have feet or head and that's miles away from me, and it makes you ask how I can't do better or what the hell I'm supposed to do, which is stronger nowadays since I saw someone post a beautiful drawing of Optimus Prime (you know who you are and let me tell you again, your work made me cry in my path to work because yeah my life suck to it's down degree but there's people out there that are really suffering and need more help) declaring the freedom of every sentient being, and everyone should have freedom to do what they want for as long as it doesn't damage someone else, I just realize that there are better things to do and focus your energy on than harass me when you don't even know who I am.

Everyone has the right to post what they want as long as it doesn't hurt someone else, I don't want to hurt you, whoever you are, I just want you to realize how wrong it is to pester someone in what they are interested just because it isn't your taste, I'm sure you like something similar and that's great, but you can't force me to be like you, and I'm not forcing you to be like me, you can go to other places to search what you like and that's fine.

This is a safe place, I want it to remain like that by deleting every message of yours and be done with it.

[tellywoodtrash]

My dad's been in hospital since last one month, we went through literal hell n only now things are looking a bit better TT, thus I thought of you sis..how are and how's your cat doing??any new fav itv drama?or are you still in love with Thai bls(as an AO3 reader I TOTALLY understand you)??I watched only one Pak drama named 'rah-e-junoon' recently only cause of The beautiful Danish Taimoor😍 it's not bad specially he with his love n obsession makes me wana SIGHHHHH😩😩😩 dreamily..also HAVE YOU SEEN JUNAID KHAN IN 'MAHARAJ' (not the Sethupati one) MOVIE??his n Sarvari's reels are everywhere and they are so Wattpad coded... reminding me of those period couples in novels😍😍 he's so dreamy..6'2" tall, nerdy, kinda awkward and has this soft boy vibes going on and did I tell you he kinda looks like Henry Cavill??and Rami Malek??😩😩 life hell ho jaye par tharak na jaye🤤 now tell me how everything is going on your end✨

Hi Darling,

I hope your dad is feeling better, and you are taking care of yourself too, friend! (Caretaker burnout is reallllllll and I am sending you all the strength and healing vibes 🤗🤗🤗)

ITV seems to be a closed chapter for me; the rapidly progressing degeneration of that genre is just notttttt inspiring any confidence (or interest.) The wholeass industry needs a major major shakeup. Same with Bollywood, nothing's really pulling me anymore. Laapataa Ladies (which I still haven't watched yet) is LITERALLY THE ONLY MOVIE calling my name in all of the 2024 releases. Junaid seems like a promising nepo kid; the Cavill vibes are definitely there. Let's hope that he picks good scripts and doesn't fall down the usual wormhole.

Things that I have been watching and enjoying in the past few weeks:

The Acolyte: I literally know/care nothing about the Star Wars universe, but Manny Jacinto. Enough said. I need to rewatch coz god his character has me going awooooooooga like a fuckin' cartoon wolf. I am obsessed.

Abbott Elementary: Giving B99-ish (but much more mellow.)

Modern Family: Just a rewatch (during my mealtimes)

Late Night with Seth Meyers/Last Week Tonight/The Daily Show for US election shitshow in palatable doses

Meet You at the Blossom: A chinese BL which is fulllllllllllly delivering on the toxic romance from the Tellywood of yore

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans: A thai BL that is again, giving v Tellywood romcom vibes (Gul Khan types), with not one, BUT TWO WHOLE ENEMIES TO LOVERS couples. Noice.

Love Sea: Ridiculously high heat/good chemistry; one half of couple is the greenest fuckin flag in the history of human existence.

My Love Mix Up (Thailand): My cutest lil kuchupuchu babies. I wanna put them in my pocket and squishhhhhhhh them allllll like a goddamn stress ball. Wholesome wholesome lil show that makes me feel warm and sunshiney inside.

4 Minutes: No real idea what's really going on here with the time skips and background crimes and shit, plus this show feels like an anxiety attack in audiovisual form, BUT I'm here for Bible Wichapas giving me morally-grey himbo with hilarious (to me) gay panic.

So yeah...... That's what I've been up to! Hope you and yours keep well, lovely. <33333333 And yes, keep that tharak flag flying high!!!!!!!!

[haldenlith]

Family Ties

So, considering Astarion's an elf along with being a vampire, it means he potentially has family still out there, right? Definitely a House, given that he was a noble. This bit isn't a new speculation, especially given how young he is, by elf terms (around 239ish, give or take some indeterminate amount of years, since Astarion says nearly two centuries under Cazador).

My thing is, well... I'll start with the fact that he was a corrupt and power hungry noble (so it says in the artbook). It's quite possible that this is a "nurture" situation. What I mean is that it's possible that this corrupt and shitty mindset was inherited. What if he came from an exceptionally shrewd, domineering family interested largely in securing political power?

Him being only 39 and being in a position of some degree of power suddenly makes a little more sense. Before, it was incredibly bizarre for an elf to be out in society in that capacity at such a ridiculously young age for them, to the point that I didn't believe it when I read it (I'll admit I still wonder if it's an oversight or a typo on Larian's part). By all rights, societally, Astarion was a damn child by elf standards. BUT, if you're say... a family from outside of the illustrious Baldur's Gate, looking to establish a foothold in the mercantile city for your own benefit, why... the humans would be none the wiser. Astarion is very much otherwise an adult. He'd be young enough to be pliable enough to mommy and daddy's machinations. Hell, they could have easily been planning to play a long game. They could put him through some form of schooling there, to financing his being there in general, schmoozing and boozing with the other patriars and nobles of Baldur's Gate, at least until he was established.

Even though the artbook doesn't outright say he was a magistrate, I'm going to assume he was, given that it seems the elite in Baldur's Gate are generally politicians or adjacent, or very wealthy merchants. (Or the founding families, but that doesn't apply here.) So, once he became a magistrate, it would mean they'd have a foot in the door. All they needed was to trust that Astarion didn't muck it up. As long as he did his job, got cozy with the right people, kept the right families smiling, it'd be good. His weird flights of fancy and uproarious temper could be dealt with. He'd outlive a good chunk of the nobles anyway, given that Baldur's Gate is a majority human city, that also goes for its nobility. It's even possible that, given time, a century or two, he could work his way onto the Council, and then the Ancunin family could start pulling a few threads in their favor. It all depended on him being smart.

And that's where the Ancunin plot falls apart: Astarion's not smart. I'd argue that he's clever, but he isn't smart. We see that multiple times.

Examples: Being willing to hop into a deal with Raphael without considering the consequences (he sees the reward, not the fine print, basically). Approving of you setting off the trap in the Monastery to Lathander (which is extra hilarious when you consider he has special dialogue for dying to that). Wanting to interrupt the Ogre and Hobgoblin in the barn despite the risks, solely because it's funny.

(Honestly, I'd even count his attempts at seducing Tav. He didn't consider what that might entail or the very real possibility of catching feelings.)

This man is awful at thinking things through.

He's impulsive and filled with hubris, and that catches up with his living, not-vampire-spawn self in the form of The Gur. Sure, he probably wasn't personally out to get them (though it does seem that he buys into the racist sentiments of Society at the time), but whatever ruling he passed down probably meant he was still part of the ongoing systemic oppression against them, and he clearly thought of himself as untouchable enough to not have guards while enjoying all that being nobility in Baldur's Gate has to offer on the streets at night. He probably got too used to The Watch being there to protect him.

But money and influence make a poor shield against the physical danger of fists and blades, and a scheming Vampire Lord named Cazador, who was all too familiar with him.

All of this is to say that, when considering that little speculation of mine, it suddenly makes a little more sense why no one has been looking for him. It's quite possible that, while the Ancunin family may have mourned losing him, they may have also shrugged and just went back to the drawing board. They're elves. They can wait a bit and plop another Ancunin into Baldur's Gate high society, perhaps even farm some sympathy for their lost son.

TLDR: Summing all of that long ass rambling to say that it's entirely possible that Astarion has been a damn pawn his whole life, everything planned out for him. It might very well be a good thing that he doesn't remember much, and it might also be a good thing that they think him dead.

[starboy14176]

hi ccan you tell me more about Subject A and Subject B. cause I looked through their tags on your blog and um. 👁️👁️👁️👁️ interested

Hai this ask got lost somehow but I FOUND IT so hello yes I’d love to talk about my special interest

So subject A and subject B are characters from the idkhow arg/concept albums, they are unwilling test subjects of an evil corporation called tellexx and basically tellexx uses them to invent time travel and then go through time performing propaganda music to brainwash people. There is VERY VERY LITTLE canonical information about the subjects as people but we do know that their real names are Dallon and Ryan (just like the band members) and we know that the white shadow (the ghost thing in the videos) was sent by tellexx to monitor them throughout time. We also know the subjects are being drugged using sugar pills but can presume the drugs aren’t affecting B as much as they are affecting A or B is not being given the same amount as A based on B’s general vibe in the videos. Also it seems B is the one who administers tests on A sometimes (ex. New invention and diatt) which is possibly real to why he’s being given less drugs? Thats all stuff from the first too albums though, uh gloom division gets more complicated. The subjects get separated, A gets moved to a new program called the gloom division and basically tellexx turns him into a personification the sin of pride ? And that’s like all we know. I have a lot of thoughts on gloom div but I’m gonna mostly stick to razz because my gloom div interpretations get kinda out there lol. Uhhh I think that’s all the canonical information we have about them?

So basically I made it my life’s mission to make up elaborate lore for them and I’ve written a ridiculous amount of fanfics about them. Also I have several OCs in the tellexx universe to fill out the cast a little more, and like the subjects are basically my OCs too at this point because their is little to no canonical charactieztion for them (aside from song lyrics which are vague at best). Ok so let’s talk about the subjects.

I stick the subjects around age 20 when they get kidnapped and then around 24 when they start actually successfully time traveling. Subject A was raised in a doomsday cult and had very abusive parents. He was super sheltered and rarely left the house. When he was 19-20 he decided to run away and tellexx found him after that. Subject B’s dad was abusive and he ended up getting kicked out when he was around 17, he was homeless for a while but he was living with a friend at the time of his kidnapping.

Subject A is autistic and gay, he’s also on the acearo spec and genderfluid but he doesn’t find that stuff out until after escaping tellexx. His special interests are stuffed animals, space, and cats (with a big emphasis on stuffed animals lol). He’s extremely clingy to anyone who shows him affection and I play around a lot with the idea that he age regresses on occasion as a trauma response. (But obviously neither he nor subject B have the language to know that that’s what’s happening)

Subject B is bi and also autistic, he is also on the acearo spec cuz I said so :3 his special interest is the ocean and sea creatures. He has anger issues and major major trust issues. Him and A are very codependent and they both have issues with separation anxiety. He has a history of being violent with tellexx employees and it takes a while for them to get him to cooperate but once he does he’s relatively easy to get to do what they want.

Anyways now to some of my OCs, rapid fire addition

Dr. Adalia (aka Dr. addy): the subjects main handler/tellexx issued therapist. Her job is to keep them compliant and basically gaslight them until they act like good little tellexx robots. She’s super fucking manipulative ‼️

Gloom: a clone of subject A (not the mannequin I made up gloom b4 the mannequin existed ok), he’s the replacement they give B after A has to go get turned into a demon or whatever. Gloom has been watching the subjects on security cameras for like a year to learn A’s mannerisms and stuff and over that span of time got parasocially obsessed with the subjects. He looks like Dallon from the what love music video and he’s very special to me.

Mr. Cain: glooms handler. He sucks we hate Mr. Cain >:[

Rose: breezy’s character from gloom division. Subject A was in love with her b4 he got got by tellexx (?) and now she’s involved with tellexx in some way and it’s breaking A’s brain. Yeah idk about her rlly yet

Dolly: A’s new handler during gloom div :3 she, well not actively participating in the tellexx torture stuff, is complicit in all of it well insisting it’s not her fault and she didn’t realize tellexx sucked so bad until she was too far in to quit. Her and A get into a super weird toxic sort of relationship :( it is hashtag bad

Ok so that’s my tellexx universe. I could probably go more in depth but that’s my attempt at giving a basic run down. 👍👍👍👍👍

[i-am-still-bb]

Treat for 22/10:

One of them is a modern witch and an owner of a famous potions recipe blog. The other one is a bit of a fanboy / just trying not to get his eyebrows synged off…

A/N: Originally conceived as an AU of The World Next Door. That had me stuck though. So we have this. But it still has similar elements, age gap, instructor/student dynamic, etc.

—

Fili drummed his fingers on the walnut conference table. One. Finger. At. A. Time. Focusing on how there were pits in the wood and some scratches in the varnish beneath his fingertips.

“Do you have any ideas?”

The silence following the question stretched on a beat too long and Fili knew he was supposed to answer. “Can you rephrase the question?”

“Enrollment numbers are dropping.”

“I’d noticed.”

“We need better student engagement and retention. Do you have any ideas? You are the most junior member of staff.” That last part was a thinly veiled dig and threat.

Fili shrugged, brushing off the words, “We could try putting some stuff on social media, teasers, sneak peeks, behind the scenes stuff. Stories about how potions and other magic sometimes go awry.”

Frowns appeared on the tenured track professors’ faces as soon as the words “social media” had left his mouth. This is why he rarely spoke up during these things. He kept his head down, did his research, lectured, and quickly attended conferences and published. 

Alice, the other young faculty member, specializing in potions that assisted in the growing of plants, clapped her hands. “My students would love something like that,” she grinned. “And I think it would do them good to see us as human, to see that we also make mistakes and singe our eyebrows and armchairs off.”

The department head looked skeptical. “It is an ‘interesting’ idea,” Fili could hear the air quotes around the word. “I think one of you younger people should be in charge. And as Ms. Yu is already assisting the Archives in their project then it should be you, if you don’t mind.

Fili did mind. Very much in fact. 

“It shouldn’t take that much time, maybe an hour a week,” the Head continued. 

And that was how a decade later Fili found himself spending more time on social media (Instagram, TikTok, and the like) promoting the university more broadly and the potions department specifically. 

He had asked for an assistant and was denied. 

It was fun. 

Sometimes. 

But other times he was just answering basic questions, or telling people “NO! ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MIX THOSE THINGS TOGETHER!” and then hoping that they actually listened.

Most of the time he was typing up replies, proofreading, posting, recording response videos, without paying much attention to the usernames that came across his screen. Sometimes there was one that would strike him as particularly ridiculous or clever; he would screenshot it, crop it, and save it to a special folder on his computer. He did the same with responses that made him give up home for humanity. 

But then there was one user, K.O.A.K., who asked questions that often made Fili pause and wonder and sometimes his only response was “I don’t know” even after he did some research and some serious thinking. 

They had a video chain going back at least six months at this point. 

Fili’s videos were well-lit against a carefully chosen background from a tripod; all courtesy of a performing arts student who interned for him for a semester. Really, she had bullied him into letting her do an unpaid internship. She was a double major and she said that the content of his videos were fantastic, but everything else was tragic. 

So now part of Fili’s large office / workspace was permanently set up for filming videos.

K.O.A.K.’s videos were probably worse that Fili’s had started out as. He always held his phone which sometimes made Fili nauseous while the user tossed ingredients into a travel sized cauldron that sat on a stove that had a single burner and plugged into a wall outlet. The wooden table it sat on was scarred from mishaps and frequently littered with ingredients, snacks, dust, and the occasional iced coffee cup of varying fullness. 

K.O.A.K. never showed his face. 

His hands featured in nearly every video. Sometimes his bare feet (which Fili had scolded him for, “What if you spill [insert potion here]? Or it boils over?” K.O.A.K.’s only response had been laughter, and to show off a fairly impressive old scar on his shin from just that thing happening) appeared. 

Fili shared tricks for making a potion that temporarily improved hand dexterity. “Roast the willow root before cutting it into thin 1 inch strips.”

K.O.A.K.  responded with a video demonstrating the differences between his original potion, one following Fili’s tip, and then one where he had added some olive oil to the foil packet before roasting, and then had roughly minced the root. 

Fili amended his notes.

He toyed with the idea of sharing his phone number as they starting talking about more than just tips and tricks for potions. But decided against it. This account operated in an official capacity. And it was probably bad enough that he was carrying on personal conversations through it. 

But he did notice that the twinge of excitement he got when he saw a notification form K.O.A.K. was the same as the one he would get early on in a new relationship. He had more than a little bit of a crush. It was merely academic, or so he told himself. He did not often get to talk about potions with anyone else.

—

Direct Messages between You (Prof.Durin) and K.O.A.K.

You: Why don’t you have a degree in this? You’re better than some of my grad students.

IDK.

You: You should apply to Erebor’s program. 

I don’t think they’d take me. I never took those ridiculous tests.

You: I’ll get them waived.

… I may not have finished secondary school

You: I’ll see what I can do.

—

Fili dismissed the class early. The first day of a new semester was always short. Most of his students were out of their seats and out the door before Fili had finished wiping down the whiteboard. Except for one. He was standing by the lectern, backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Did you have a question?”

The student shook his head. “I just wanted to introduce myself.”

Fili consulted his attendance sheet for a moment, “It’s Killian Oaks, right? If you would prefer something else, I can certainly do that. I just don’t have a note from the college about anything like that for you.”

“It is. But that’s not how you’d know me.”

Fili frowned in thought, one hand splayed over his papers on the desk. There was the niggle in the back of his brain that told him he was missing something.”

“You’d know me as . . .”

--

Taglist: Everything: @silvermoon-scrolls Fili/Kili: @dubhlachen

[bylightofdawn]

Dear Star Wars Fans

It's Hot Take time with El.

I am sooooooo fucking sick of seeing these "Weh, Star Wars sucks now posts" or "Disney keeps putting out the bad stuff and is RUINING MY CHILDHOOD" posts.

It's legitimately like I'm being transported back to the '90s/early 2000s forums where endless fanboys were whinging over Lucus ruining Star Wars with the prequels. And BTW, they have not stopped in the past 20 years. They will continue to be pedantic and toxic and generally pessimistic about everything.

So to come to Tumblr and see that same mentality being shoveled about like three pounds of horseshit that cross my dash at least once a day. And well, I'm grumpy enough this afternoon to go off.

Hot Take Point One: Just because YOU don't like a show or a series doesn't mean your opinion is the majority. There is someone out there who loves the season you're proclaiming is the worst thing ever. That character you detest is someone's special blorbo and the ship you despise is someone's OTP. And that is okay; their tastes are entirely valid, and your experience is not universal. You are not a peerless bastion of flawless good taste and the supreme authority on Star Wars. 

How do I know this? Cause you're on this hellsite and you like Star Wars. 

I'm not naive enough to expect people to not bitch about and complain about things they don't like, and honestly, you're allowed to do that. I encourage you to do it. I want people to keep in the back of their minds that it's their opinion and that it's not universal. And their opinion is no better than another person's. Even someone who you think has a shitty opinion or ships something 'problematic'. If you're going to proclaim someone else has dogshit taste, I would encourage you to look into the mirror and realize someone else thinks your tastes are dogshit as well. And fuck right off with canon is the only real and valid opinion. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES DISNEY HAS CHANGED CANON? They can't make up their fucking minds; nothing is set in stone, so just enjoy what you enjoy and let other people enjoy what they want. We're all here because we supposedly love this fandom, right? I feel like people have lost sight of that point. We're supposed to love Star Wars, and it should bring us together as a fandom, not tear us apart. But that's a rant for another day.

Hot Take Point Two: Have a little appreciation and respect for the people working on these shows. Unless you are in the industry or working on said show, you probably don't understand the amount of work, effort, blood, sweat, and tears that goes into making these things. Some of these people grew up dreaming about working on a Star Wars IP. This is probably a dream come true for a lot of people working on these shows, and you're pissing all over those dreams for popularity points on the internet like this is fucking Reddit, and you're farming for upvotes. No, it's not perfect; yes, there are going to be shitty VFX and cringe as fuck dialogue. 

It's not perfect, but they do their best with what they get handed. We had a saying in my old print shop, you can only shine up a turd so much. aka you take the shit you are given and you try and make it as polished and pretty as you can but at the end of the day you're working with the shit you were given. And I'm not saying these series are criticism proof or that you're not allowed to ridicule some of the terrible bad choices made.

I will go to my grave ranting about the ridiculous batshittery of fucking jetpack jousting in Mando S3. 

Hot Take Point Three: I will also argue that there are good elements in every new Star Wars IP released by House of Mouse. Yes, even the one you hate down the cockles of your black heart. I challenge you to shut out the noise from Tumblr, the bandwagon hating on something, and go in trying to find something you enjoy in a season or an episode. Find, say, 5 things you enjoy or a character (even a cringy one) or a set piece you visually find interesting. Maybe a funny joke or even a special effect so ridiculously stupid you can't help but laugh. (I'm looking at you Ahsoka fighting god damn fighters with a lightsaber while on top of the Ghost zooming around at full cruising speed. It's so utterly preposterous I can't help but laugh and shake my head all at the same time.)

You don't have to post about it or speak about it to anyone don't worry your friends don't need to know you might secretly enjoyed something you all 'hated'. Though I would also challenge you to actually speak about it as well because...hear me out here, you might find NEW PEOPLE who enjoyed those same things you might make more friends in the fandom, shocking I know. 

But just trying to FIND a positive thing in a show will give you a slightly more balanced relationship with how you consume it. Honestly, that's just general life advice you should try and take to heart. That's a freebie from your old Auntie El there. 

It's so easy to be a negative, pedantic fan who hates what we claim to love. But by making the conscious choice to find something good in this so-called pile of shit in front of you, maybe your relationship with the IP will be a happier one. If nothing else, you'll perhaps get sparked and remember what made you love Star Wars so much in the first place. 

So yeah, keep in mind your experience is not universal, even if you hate it, respect the time and effort it took to make it and try and find what sparked joy in you in the first place when interacting with the media. 

Oh, one other thing? 20 years from now? You're prolly going to look back on these shows you hate and find yourself nostalgic and maybe even a little apologetic for how much you dogged on this stuff because there will be a whole new cycle of brand new IP people are creating where people are proclaiming THAT is the worst shit ever made and they don't make Star Wars content like they used to. 

Cause that's just the human condition, and as someone who has been in this fandom for thirty years? I've seen that cycle replayed multiple times. We love the Prequels now, but twenty years ago, everyone hated them and thought they were ruining Star Wars. It doesn't get worse, it doesn't get better; we just grow older and learn to have a new perspective and learn to interact with the fandom in different ways. 

I'm just begging you, please stop being negative, toxicly pedantic fans who just sit there tearing down everything and learn to interact with the thing you claim to love with...actual love.

[saintcahara]

My take on Elden Ring & its DLC

Excellent game for most of the reasons mentioned by other players, however I would like to add a little nuance since FromSoftware is visibly immune to the slightest criticism because if we find a fault in their games, it's just that we is bad (no).

It's a real renewal compared to what open worlds usually offer: there is a real interest in exploring because no matter what lost place you discover, you will find at least one interesting item there, if not a hidden dungeon or boss. The map is sufficient in itself; no need for dozens of “?” to alert you that a certain place has something to offer. We don't hold your hand with a HUD saturated with information, which is a real breath of fresh air (Ubisoft's parodies are hardly an exaggeration...).

The artistic direction is unique and really solid: we rarely see settings so beautiful and worthy of a painting. They are also unique, far from the clichés of the forest, winter or fire zone (so yes there are the snowy mountains, but besides that we can find farum azula and caelid). The bosses have designs that are all different and all consistent despite everything (we're not going to talk about the recycled bosses, that said, because it's obvious that it's a lazy choice). The voice acting is very special compared to what we're used to encounter, and yet it's a hell of a job. The use of old english is very immersive.

Now for the negatives. Obviously I will have more things to say since everyone is praising the game. I dislike the fact barely anyone can mention what it does wrong. And since I like to complain, there I go.

FromSoftware should not be immune to critique.

We can't make pause. Just go to a site of grace you'd tell me, but what if there isn't one within range and I can't teleport because of the presence of enemies? Having to let a boss kill you because you have to AFK for five minutes is ridiculous, especially if I put him below half his HP. What about when I'm in a dungeon? Not all corners are secure, even more so when mobs are making rounds. It's not the end of the world, certainly, but it's still a discomfort and honestly I don't care that all Dark Souls are like that. Just because you never wipe your ass doesn't mean it's a good habit.

The next remark is more about the DLC, Shadow of the Erdtree. I thought that in the base game the map was quite readable and easy to navigate when it came to traveling to a new area. But then, the DLC map... A quarter of the information is hidden BELOW what we see on the map. I spent my time looking at the walkthroughs to find this or that place because you simply CAN'T see what's underneath the reliefs. Skill issue some will think, but if you like to spend your time walking along the walls, great good for you and I am happy that having to randomly gallop on Torrent for long minutes/hours fulfills you.

Finally, the quest system. I understand the desire to purify the game as much as possible and facilitate immersion. But, when you've talked to fifteen NPCs in a row, unlocked their quests, and stop playing for several weeks, you're screwed. I think it's a bad choice not to add a quest log, because sometimes it's so complicated and wacky that it's hard to find your way around. I put the game down for a very long time and now, apart from beating up Radagon's ass, I don't know what I was doing. Maybe it worked in Dark Souls, especially because they weren't such big open worlds, but this time it's ridiculous.

Roughly speaking, these are the only three major criticisms I have. They are in no way prohibitive, the game remains EXCELLENT and I highly recommend it to all those who like the challenge, or the highly worked lore. Only, I hope that my criticisms can be heard and, who knows, satisfied one day.

[bevswashere]

Koi No Yokan

Chapter 9: Anniversary

November 2005 Nearly 3 months later.

"There's a fork in the road that everyone reaches before they die. A right path that offers you everything you've ever wanted. It'll lure you in with sweet scents and the voices of everyone you've ever loved. They tell you that this road guarantees happiness and peace.

There are three types of people who approach these paths: the majority, who don't even bother to look at the left path, those who see it, consider it, but ultimately choose the right path because it's happier or easier, then there's those who see both paths and, for some reason, go left. They choose life, even if it means enduring more suffering and pain.

My mother used to say that only the strongest of souls could understand the point of choosing the left path. Reasons like those who are still alive or the world itself needing them—"

"Bullshit."

"Satoru," Suguru scolds. "I think that's a very lovely theory, Kaede-chan. Your mom seemed really insightful."

"She was. Then again, those were the words of a dying woman." A laugh leaves my lips in a half-hearted breath. "Regardless, try not to shoot my siblings down like that later. I doubt they'll take it as well."

"If we make it in time," Suguru points out. "We were supposed to start an hour ago."

"It doesn't matter," Satoru says pompously, "Once it starts, we'll end it quickly."

His complacence–unbecoming as it seems–isn't unwarranted. A rumor began to spread a few weeks ago; one that involves each of us being evaluated for promotion to special grade. (Although, none of us are quite sure how true that is, since every time we pester Yaga he tells us to "stop asking such ridiculous questions.")

Still, a rumor like that surely unsettles Kyoto High. All of their students years one through three arrived early this morning, a couple fourth year reserves joining them as well.

"You say that as if they'll let us participate altogether." The inability to feel excited for my first exchange event makes me slump further into my seat. There's no rush of competition, knowing Momo and Tomiji are patiently waiting for me at Hama's. Every second that passes threatens to break their hearts should I not make it before sundown. "They're probably plotting all the different ways they can tip the challenges to their favor right now."

Satoru pounds his fist into his palm. "We'll crush them, no matter what."

"More than that," Suguru's hand finds my shoulder, squeezing firmly. "We'll get you home on time, no matter what."

Yaga Sensei rips the door to our waiting area open. "The Kyoto school is ready for you now."

The three of us straighten up, stretching largely from being glued to these seats for the past hour. When we arrive in the courtyard, Kyoto Tech has lined themselves up neatly, ogling each of us like animals in a zoo. A woman stands before them with a tight-lipped smile. Her brunette hair is slicked back into a bun, hands clasped above a deep purple kimono. "We thank you for welcoming us into your school another year. My name is Ide Naoko, and I'd like to introduce to you our students, who have been training hard in preparation for this day."

I'd observe the formality of it on any other day. I'd listen carefully to each of their names, meeting their eyes as I try my best to remember. But today–this particularly dark, disgusting day–my gaze falls to the floor. I mumble, "Taking so long."

"Sorry," Satoru hears me, and puts a hand up before Ide-san can continue listing the second years. "We're in a bit of a rush, and there's really no point in telling us all of their names."

Ide-san's barely amiable expression waned. "And why is that?'

"Because, when we're out there, it's not like we're going to remember all the names of the kids we're beating."

"Show some more respect, Satoru," Yaga Sensei says. "For the exchange event these are your competitors, but in the long run you're all on the same side. It would be in your best interest to value some comradery."

He scoffs. "If you really value all this 'comradery' crap, then you wouldn't have denied Kaede-chan's vacation request—"

"Don't, Satoru," I whisper. Now is not the time to dredge up things we can't change, or anger that's already subsided. "Let's just get this over with."

Ide-san clears her throat, and continues pointing to her students one by one. The point of my shoe plays with a pebble in the dirt, and the only name that catches my attention is Kamo Shigeri, a third year. He's standing at the end of the line, name belonging to one of the three major clans. There's an ashen tinge to his dark hair, cleanly cut to frame his face. A darkness clouds beneath his sunken eyes, but within them is a brilliant emerald color hooded in thick lashes. It's reminiscent of the cypresses in the estate. Then I realize I've been staring too long, finding meaning in a stranger with a notable name. I credit my father's lingering influence. Ide-san's voice draws me back to the present. I draw my eyes away from Kamo. "in the interest of leveling the playing field, Principal Gakuganji has requested only one of the three of you to be chosen at random to participate in the team event."

"Shocking," Suguru remarks, "And who's going to make this 'random decision'?"

"Your names have been placed on each of these cards." My eyes, once again, find Kamo Shigeri, pulling three folded sheets of paper from his sleeve. The expression on his face is plain, withdrawn even, as he holds them out to Yaga Sensei.

When he pulls the right-most card and reads my name, Suguru exhales another, "Shocking."

Forward Sight or Six eyes is not necessary to know all of those cards most likely read my name. Measly intuition could predict the Kyoto school thinking their odds are greatest against the first year with the questionable family history. Certainly none of those cards contained Satoru's name—from what I was told, he ended last year's exchange event in less than twenty minutes.

"Uematsu-chan, you and the Kyoto students will participate in a combat race. The goal is to not only test your capabilities against each other, but also against the curses that have been prepared on the field. It will take a large sum of focus and determination—" Satoru yawns largely. Ide-san's face twitches into a scowl.

Suguru is the one to diffuse the situation. "Forgive us. As much as we look forward to this exchange event, we have a family shrine we're supposed to be visiting today. We hope you could understand why we'd want to speed up the logistic portions."

"I see." Ide's scowl doesn't let up, but Suguru has managed to convince her to omit the rest of her speech. "Well, then we can proceed to the field, and discuss the rules there."

Kyoto High's large lineup begins to break apart, following Ide's lead towards the field.

"See, all it takes is a little friendly conversation," Suguru says. "No need to be disrespectful."

Satoru folds his arms, scoffing largely. "After they blatantly rig the game to hunt down the first year."

"It's no matter," Suguru beams, roughly wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "As if any of them stand a chance against our Kaede-chan."

I know that. I know that not one, two, or ten, subpar jujutsu sorcerers, can compare. That the only ones who truly stand a threat are here, standing next to me.

From the moment I was born, my father has assured me that I would become the strongest. Yet, things have changed within the past few months. To hear him speak of my strength again, is uncertain. I've become uncertain.

"Facing all of them at once will require a lot of focus. Even having Haibara to watch my back—"

"You don't need him," Satoru says. "If I can do it, you can do it."

This statement holds more meaning than intended. I'm reminded of all the long hours we've spent studying each other's cursed techniques down to the most miniscule detail. How we reframed the nature of his Infinity to suit modulated Time Barriers, tested the limits of time jumping to better help him teleport, or how we equated the limits of Forward Sight to the limits of his Six Eyes. No one, other than himself, understands his capabilities the way I do. In the same way, only he truly understands mine. Which means if he says I can do this, I trust him. I'll let him cure my doubt.

"You faced them last year. Any techniques I should take note of?"

"I didn't pay much attention, but," his fingers grip his chin in thought. "There's a second year girl. The blonde one carrying all the thread, she moves pretty quickly. The Kamo kid is also okay." Satoru throws his arm over my shoulder with Suguru's. I feel them guide my hesitant steps forward. "None of them move half the speed you do, though. I'd assume most of them will focus on distracting you, leaving an outlier to exorcise the curses."

"Makes sense." Suguru is deep in thought. "They'll leave their most medium-level player to stay back. The rest probably took that extra hour coming up with a plan to restrain you. If they exorcise enough curses, they stand a chance to win by points even if you blow them all out of the water."

Satoru snaps his fingers. "Then the key is to move around them and exorcise the curses first. And being quicker certainly won't be a problem."

"What if I can't move around them?"

The three of us walk, arm in arm, and Satoru leans in. I feel his skin break through the strands of my hair, until his lips brush my ear," Then you move them."

The pit of my stomach twists, exhaling and forgetting to inhale again. It takes a moment to find my words. "You want me to move them?"

Satoru's grin is wide, shoulders held reassuringly high. "I want you to show them how strong you are, Kaede-chan." Without a hint of hesitation, he pecks his lips onto my forehead.

Suguru grimaces, "You two are getting grosser."

"Do you need one too, Suguru?" Satoru teases.

"No."

Their arms leave my shoulders, chasing one another as Satoru threatens, "Come here!"

"Get away from me!"

"Stop playing hard to get!"

He chases Suguru all the way into the stands, where the others wait, leaving me alone at the edge of the field.

"I'm sorry you have to take this on by yourself." Kamo Shigeri has crossed the nonexist border between myself and the Kyoto group. Up close, his seemingly sullen expression presents far more warmth than I'd originally observed. Hip lips are thin, but the surrounding lines insinuate frequent smiles. There's a vibrance within the tired green eyes, an alluring, yet comforting feeling.

"Apologize for offending me instead."

His mouth curls, revealing the cause behind the deep creases of his mouth. For Jujutsu, his smile is unusually welcoming, pure. "Have I offended you?"

"You assume I'm the easiest to pick off from us three. That's offensive."

"Your family's technique is too new in comparison to the older clans. There hasn't been enough time to fully flesh it out the way Gojo Satoru or myself has."

"Is that so?"

His laugh is slight, agreeable. "At least, that's what my friends have convinced themselves of."

"And you?"

"Me?" Kamo pouts a little when he thinks. "I'm sorry I've offended you."

I hear all of it twice–the Forward Sight and real time–yet, I am unshaken from amusement. Kamo Shigeri speaks with a playfulness and smiles with a sincerity that still feels new. "You've surprised me, Kamo-san."

"And how have I gained that honor?"

"I've always heard members of the Kamo clan tend to be rather cold."

"And I've always heard members of the Uematsu clan tend to be rather crazy." His smile is unchanging, a hand held out. "Are we both wrong?"

I swallow my pride, refusing to let his words pry at deeply hidden wounds. Whether malicious intent or not, I put my hand in his. "I guess we'll find out."

His grip tightens, pulling me in. "Are you threatening me?"

"You can handle it, though. After all, your technique is far more developed than mine."

The grin on his face widens. "I like you, Uematsu Kaede."

"Flattering me won't help all your friends."

"I don't expect it to." His grip on my hand loosens, but doesn't let go. Our fingers stay clasped at his side. "But it would be a shame to finish this exchange event without sharing my thoughts."

"Kamo-kun," Ide-san calls for him, huddled with the rest of the Kyoto team.

He mutters a quick, "Try not to hurt anyone too badly," before separating to his side of the field.

Yaga Sensei takes his place in the meantime. "I take it you're not looking for my words of encouragement."

"I didn't know you were the type to have any stored up."

"True." The sunlight glares heavily off his opaque glasses. "Though, I don't think it would hurt to remind you that the only rule is you can't kill them."

My brows furrow to Yaga, wondering how far he expects me to take his implications. "Nothing else?"

"I couldn't get your vacation time approved, so this is the best I can give you," Yaga says. "Go all out, if necessary. I'm sure you have it in you."

Yaga Sensei steps away. Eventually, Ide-san follows suit, leaving only myself and the Kyoto team on the field. My eyes race across the line, counting eleven of them total. Some were incredibly bulky, encouraging the theory that their cursed technique wouldn't prove very strong. Others were lean, reminiscent of Satoru's modest build–Kamo included.

"When you hear the buzzer," Ide-san says into the field's speakers, "You may begin."

The air becomes still. Every shift of my shoes against the grass brings us a second closer to the challenge ahead. Whatever million plans swarmed my head are gone now, my mind is blank.

My eyes remain on Ide-san, hearing the buzzer before it actually sounds. When it does, I'm already moving at a speed they can't contend with. I see the first curse at the furthest corner of the field. Before it's even materialized, I've darted between the Kyoto ranks, a fist landing at the curse's weak center. It crumbles to ashes, and so does the second and third curse I track on the grounds.

Then, before I can reach the fourth, something catches the base of my wrist. The weaving method I've maintained is stopped abruptly by the golden wire spiraling across my skin, Another strand finds my opposite arm. The threads imbue a painful searing sensation, worsening with every effort of struggle. When I try to time jump, the pain increases tenfold, absorbing my cursed energy.

I peer over my shoulder, spotting the second year Satoru had mentioned. Her hair is the same silky gold as her thread, deep-set, hazel eyes with a satisfied look on her face.

When I look back out to the field, I realize Kyoto has planned for this. Their precise arrangement shows they expected this attempt to outrun them. While I ran around to my heart's content, they placed a well-coordinated trap, one that I'm an idiot for not seeing sooner.

Kamo is at the Kyoto group's center, hands guiding a store of crimson liquid. Bursting from its container, the blood solidifies into a piercing arrow, darting through the air in an unnatural course. I dodge once, only for it to circle back around, and lodge itself into the crook of my shoulder. "Offensive, Kamo-san."

"I've offended you again so quickly?" He closes in with all his classmates, another store of blood readily drawn in the air. Two others dash forward in a sprint, fists pulsating with cursed energy. As predicted, there's a Kyoto student left behind, exorcising the meek curses floating in the background. "I wanted us to get along."

I swing my leg high, stamping the thread down into the floor, using the momentum to tug the second year towards me. She loses her footing, and is whipped forward, her head meeting my hand as I ram it down into the grass.

A new set of restraints find my wrists, made out of the blood Kamo had prepared, but they can't disrupt my cursed energy like the thread. So, when the other two students are close enough to make contact, the certain victory they wore on their faces fades away as their fists collide with the time barrier between us.

"Then don't take this personally."

All of Kyoto's remaining forces surge towards me in a final effort, but the ground begins to rumble. I want you to show them how strong you are. I exhale, and it feels like breaking the surface after being underwater for hours. The field crumbles in a thunder, lowering all of us into a chasm. Kamo's blood ropes have melted away, everyone overcome by the force of my cursed technique folding the ground in on itself. The energy ripples through us like wind, sweeping a heavy cloud of dust into the air.

I'm free to time jump, taking the threads from the second year girl, who's coughing and struggling to gain her footing. From behind, in front, and at their sides, I move at a pace they simply cannot follow. In less than a minute, the entirety of the Kyoto team is sitting in the center of the chasm, wrapped in miles of golden thread. Some are unconscious, others too weak to lift their heads, but Kamo Shigeri is struggling to break free with a smile on his face. "Impressive."

"Am I?" I toss the empty spool in his direction. "Then you're forgiven, Kamo-san."

Above the chasm, the remaining portion of the field is occupied by a final semi-grade one curse. With a final wave of my hand, it's exorcised, and buzzer sounds again.

Through the dust, Mariko and the rest are cheering from the stands. "Seriously, Kaede-chan," Mariko calls out, "You couldn't have toyed with them for a little longer?"

The sun has already reached its peak. I've lost enough time as it is. "Didn't I say you could do it!?" A pair of warm arms sweep me off my feet, turning me round and round.

Out of instinct, I hold tight, fingertips trailing into the thick locks of white hair. All of my defenses melt away. "Don't let go."

Satoru stops turning, and listens, arms wrapped around my center, nose buried into my neck. He knows me well enough, "You're tired?" 

"Don't let go." 

"I'm not letting go."

"I wanted to show you how strong I am."

"Shut up, I've always known how strong you are."

"But don't let go." 

"I'm not letting go, you idiot." 

"Are you two done? We're supposed to be leaving."

The weight of Satoru's head leaves my shoulder, looking at Suguru. "She told me not to let go."

"Kaede-chan," Suguru taps my head, "We need to go. And you're bleeding all over his uniform."

"Huh?" I break away, noticing Satoru's arm has been smeared in red. I'd completely forgotten Kamo's arrow had pierced my shoulder. My wrists have also been turned red-raw. "Is it bad?"

"It might take Shoko a bit to heal it completely," Suguru observes. "Maybe we stop the bleeding and fix the rest after tonight."

"Right." I pull away from Satoru, remembering the true reason I gave my all: Momo and Tomiji.

∞

"Kaede-chan?" A finger taps my nose, crinkling it. "Kaede-chan, wake up. We're here now."

The car has pulled into the estate, and I realize I've slept through the entire drive. The boys appear to have been particularly gracious about it, letting me stretch my limbs out wherever I pleased as reward for my victory. I pull my legs from Suguru's lap, lifting my head from Satoru's. The familiar cypress trees come into view, everyone's days slowing as the sun begins to set.

We enter through the back end of the estate, draped in black as we pass through the dairy farms to Hama's home. The air smells sweet inside, and Momoko's beautiful voice catches me first, "Oneesan!" Her frame feels stronger in my grasp, healthier. The effect of full meals and newfound independence suit her nicely. It provides a confidence to her stance and a shine to her hair that wasn't there before.

The living room is littered with the evidence of the array of hobbies she'd taken up in the past few months; sewing, wood-working, baking. "I made you cookies."

She's looking past me, though, to Satoru, who could not be more elated, "You made them yourself?"

"I did," she beams, "And mango muffins and strawberry tarts–"

"How much is this costing Aunt Hama?" I say.

"Who cares!" Satoru grins, running into the kitchen with Momo to observe trays upon trays of goods. "I'll refund her myself if she keeps baking treats."

Suguru steps in, a box in hand. "Where's Tomiji-kun?"

"Training, again," Momo groans.

"Still? It's almost sundown."

"It's all he does since vacation." Momo pulls out heavenly smelling strawberry pastries, all in uniform shape. Satoru is practically drooling over the tray. "He wakes up at six and trains with that stupid sword until dinner."

I approach Hama's window, shifting the curtains to find Tomiji in the backyard. His wooden katana is in hand, repeatedly striking a dummy cemented into the ground.

"Ah, he's out there?" Suguru peers out with me, "He's gotten bigger since we last saw him."

"Well, he's eating better these days." My denial is as apparent as Tomiji's continuing resolve to become Jujutsu. Mere months have passed, but his shoulders have broadened, his form with the sword improved.

"Or working himself to the bone," Suguru mutters, leaving the window to step outside and greet my brother.

Tomiji's expression is similar to Satoru's when he'd seen the treats, earnest joy. Which doubles when Suguru opens the box, revealing a real katana for him to keep. My stomach turns at the sight of the sword in his hands. Then, seeing them next to one another, I realize Tomiji is growing out his hair. The black locks brush the base of his neck, slowly growing out to mimic Suguru's—

"Kaede-chan," Satoru calls for my attention. "Stop watching, you creep. Come here and try the muffins."

I let go of the window, eyes trained on Satoru to keep my head steady. "Can we pack them up? The sun is almost down and the shrine's a bit of a walk."

"Oh, that's right," Momo says quietly. "To be honest, with all the baking and excitement, I'd forgotten why you were actually coming here today."

"But," I offer, "I also came here to see you."

Momo straightens her black attire, gaze falling to her shoes, "I know, but I feel bad knowing I was so happy today. As if today isn't..."

"Did you make extra for her?" I steer the conversation before Momo could cry. "Mom loved sweets too."

"Of course!" she brightens again, pulling out an already portioned container of tarts and muffins, "These are for her."

"Good. Grab the rest of your things, We should leave soon."

Momoko tidies the kitchen as best as she can, picking up embroidered fabric and wood carving tools as she heads into the bedroom. I call for the boys outside too, finally greeting my rapidly growing brother. Like with Momo, I feel the difference when he hugs me, the newfound strength. They're not the same as when I last left them.

"You like the katana?" I force out.

"It's amazing!" He pulls it from the box wildly. "This is ten times nicer than the one I was looking at in the market."

"Right, but put it away. We don't need it for—"

"No, I want to get used to the weight of it," he places the sheath across his back, noticing my uneasy look, "Relax, I'm not going to use it at the shrine."

Once again, I am unable to deny him. "Alright, get dressed. I want to leave in a few minutes."

Despite my instructions, we barely leave before the sun has gone completely. The air has already chilled, and the estate has gone silent. The family shrine's dark granite reflects the moonlight deeply, covered in flowers and Momo's treats at the base.

The five of us take extended moments of silence, bowing our heads, clasping our hands. I allow myself to think back on my mother's voice longer than I should, her syrupy scent and protecting hands. I allow myself to mourn her, only on this day, once a year, then I put those feelings aside again and move on—for my friend's sake, my sibling's, and my own.

Momoko prepared a picnic of treats and recipes she'd been working on. We spread them out across a blanket before the family shrine. From moment to moment I pretend that my mom is sharing the meal with us.

"How old were you when she passed, if I can ask?"

"I was eight years old," I tell Suguru. "Momo was six, Tomiji three."

"You were all so young," he hums. "Do you guys remember anything about her?"

"Of course I do," Momoko smiles—she looks just like mom when she smiles. "Mom liked baking too, that's why I thought to try. Oh, and she was the best singer."

"I don't remember anything," Tomiji huffs. "I'm practically mourning a stranger every year."

"She's your mom, regardless," I say.

"I don't think I believe in that."

My eyes narrow. "You don't believe that she's your mom?"

"Family isn't defined simply by blood. It's a circumstance."

"Well, by circumstance and blood, she's still your mom."

"No, by circumstance I never got to experience her being my mom. Why should I feel so deeply about a woman I never met, as opposed to all the people I've known for years who I consider family."

"Because one of them gave birth to you, and would probably feel incredibly disrespected to know you don't bother to consider her family because of 'circumstance'." My patience thins rapidly. "Whether you like it or not, she's your mother and you could at least pretend to feel sad that she's not here."

"Of course I'm sad that she's not here, but that doesn't mean I should heed this definition of a stranger being my family just because she gave birth to me."

"Mourning a stranger's absence is not the same as mourning your mother. And blood does define a family, whether you like it or not."

"That's logic dad would use."

"Watch it." The sharpness in my voice stops him before he can actually get the sentence out. Before he can pick at the wrong wound on the wrong day.

"Maybe both can be true," Suguru speaks calmly. "I think of all of you as family, and I have a blood family I love too even if I don't see them as often. There's plasticity to it."

"There's no plasticity to who your mother is. And I honestly can't stand to hear you talk about her like that, Tomiji."

I remain composed when I get to my feet, though my fists are clenched at my sides. If I stay any longer, I might cry or say something I can't take back, maybe both.

My head throbs with every step I take towards the cemetery's end. When I reach it, I crumble against the headstone of a stranger, eyes shut and mind racing.

Those two are growing up so fast. Within mere months they've evolved in ways I can't fathom. But with that, are opinions and habits I'm not around to correct. How do I show them what's wrong or dangerous? How do I even begin to raise them properly?

I can't. I'm not a mother. And they need their mom.

I need my mom.

"You shouldn't take it personally."

I peel my eyes open. Satoru has caught up, looking down at me with an expression I can't read. "I hate this place."

"Don't most people?" He takes a seat on the ground next to me. "It's creepy here."

All the heartbreak and loss festers into an unwelcoming feeling. One that makes the air stale and prevents the sun from reaching it. This place is cursed—my mother is buried in a place that's cursed. I am sickened by the thought, unable to decide if I want to burst into tears or scream at the top of my lungs. "Suguru is with them?"

"Yeah. He's talking to Tomiji-kun about holding his tongue." His shoes shift against the ground. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's okay."

"Well, I'm not a mind-reader, Kaede-chan. Tell me what you need from me and I'll give it to you."

"I don't need anything in particular, just sit with me." We stay there for some time, listening to the breeze rustle dried up leaves on the concrete. Eventually, beyond my control, a tear slips out, rolling slowly down my cheek. Satoru notices before I can wipe it away. "Sorry."

He surprises me when he chooses not to speak, only to place his hand in my lap and let me hold it.

"My dad used to say I have a problem with letting things go, but," I feel my composure slip little by little, lump in my throat too heavy to choke down, tears burning too hot to withhold, "If I stop caring, then they will too. And if nobody cares, it's like she's really faded into nothing."

One warm tear spills out, then the next. Then I'm taken into Satoru's arms, and he's holding me through every tear to follow. "You better not think I'm weak for this."

"I already know you're strong."

"Stronger than you?"

"Don't be delusional."

A short exhale that failed to become a laugh blows into the side of his neck. I know I'm not stronger, not yet. I know from the way I cling onto him like this, needing him in ways I shouldn't. 

[ronanceautistic]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Why thank you!

THIS WAS SO HARD mainly because in my head I have two types of fics: ridiculously long and complicated multi chapters and one-shots I wrote at 5am because I was sad and it feels difficult to compare the two.

Anyways in no particular order:

the stars, the moon (they have all been blown out) - I've spoken about this one recently. But yeah, it was my first time writing in present tense and I think it works well with the vibes. I like the sense of Nancy being kinda detached from reality and the majority of the writing being her own thoughts rather than what's going on. I think I had a specific idea for how I wanted this one to feel and it turned out really well!

and I just want to live in the moment (that's all) - again very similar fic which I've talked about recently. another present tense one. I like a lot of the lines in this one, I don't really do poetic-ish descriptions a lot and I definitely leaned into it more with this one. I was going it through it that night I guess, I don't really remember writing it LMAO. Also, as I said in a separate post, I like the un-acknowledged implication that Nancy was maybe about to khs.

and the bells were ringing out (for christmas day) - OH MAN my underrated baddie I love this one so much. Writing from Mike's POV is always a delight, and I loved exploring the idea of him protecting / caring for Nancy, even when he feels out of his depth. Please give this one a read I need more appreciation for it. I promise it's not all that Christmassy, it's fine to read in July!

trapped between two lungs - Every now and then I ask myself 'was it that good or was it just overplanned' and maybe I'm being cocky, but no, I think it was that good. Over-planned? Yes. But I loved it. TBTL Nancy is so special to me, her character was so interesting to explore. It was especially so much fun having S1 go a different way for her and getting to build my own Nancy angst based on what I wrote for her, rather than my usual Nancy angst which is built from the show itself. I loved where her, Robin, and Mike's stories ended up and it was just so much fun to write a plot-heavy Stranger Things fic, especially planning out my own Season 5. It was a lot of fun writing this fic, and I will never ever do it again because it took nine months and I can't be arsed. That's how long babies take to grow.

Float - This is probably subject to change. It's my most recent fic, so at first I was like 'eh maybe I should let it sit a little before putting it on this list' but I had a really hard time picking one of my older ones and honestly? I really like this one. I rarely explore future-Nancy, mainly because the idea of writing a functioning adult terrifies me. But good news! Nancy is not functioning in this fic at all! So it works out great! I love the idea that should everything go well for her, Nancy gets so caught up in the past that she kinda floats through life (hence the title). I also love the fact that when Robin first shows up she seems really well-adjusted compared to Nancy and then not long later you realise that she's fucking insane, too. Also Nancy not knowing how to feel about Holly idolising her is so :C. I also find the idea of Hawkins becoming a tourist attraction deeply funny and didn't plan for that to happen when I started writing.

I am too anxious to tag people personally so if you're a writer YOU'RE TAGGED.

[oohbuggypie]

bulldon ramble? **sad violin music**

WHO SENT THIS . SHOW URSELF . BULLDON MENTION THE WORLD STARTED SPINNING I GOT DIZZY AND DOUBLED OVER IN STOMACH PAIN INDUCED BY PURE JOY . BullDon augghh yuughhhh ugh ough ouhh ... taking poison damage because i love them so much . where do i start .

have u seen my ridiculously long post about BullDon already ? bcuz if u haven't it's linked and i think u might love that 🩷 HOWEVER BullDon runs in my veins and i think i can contribute even more to this so ramble NOW!! adding a below cut because i wanna explain the story behind the central headcanon so it may get a leeeetle long + i know some people don't care for ship talk 🩷

okay one of my headcanons mentioned in a previous post is that Don absolutely loves vintage cars . he doesn't exactly care for working on/the restoration of vehicles bcuz he isn't a big fan of spending all that money he cant spare on the correct parts, as well as the hyperspecific research that goes into it .. but that man is head over heels for an old Chevy Bel Air Convertible, particularly one with a glossy red exterior and a cream interior. like that's his dream car above all else, and it's something he's wanted since he was 20

anooother headcanon of mine i believe ive mentioned is that Bull has MONEY! considering that he's a world circuit professional boxer, he gets around in a limousine in his comic strip, and is canonically a celebrity ,, why wouldn't he be at least a LITTLE rich ?? however, despite those riches, he doesn't seem to flaunt it , let alone be the type to rub it in others' faces

so between these two headcanons and incorporating my own culture into my fav things .... i think that throughout their "relationship" (lts unlabeled, they just kiss on each other and r quietly in love), as they got closer and got to know each other more, Bull observed the fact that Don would become ecstatic over any old cars that passed them he on the streets . when Don would see them, he'd make remarks about their beauty and how admirous he was of anybody who owned such treasures. Bull had always cared and been fascinated by Don's love for the cars, but he had never taken into account that he may have a desired one of his own. so one day, amidst Don's ramblings, Bull asked him what HIS favorite kind of vintage car was and why. he knew Don would be happy to share, and Bull was genuinely just interested and wanted to know more- but not only did he simply want to know of his interests and passions - he def had a lil smthn in mind ..

upon learning of the Bel Air Convertible, Bull began spending copious amounts of any spare time he got researching this car; all of its parts, all the models and the years they were released, the special features and their availability in the current times .. any and everything anybody knew about that car, he made sure he knew more. he was determined to buy this car for Don as means to express his love and care for not only him, but his hobbies and happiness .

seeing that Bull spent a majority of his time in New York due to his regarded position in the World Circuit and Don's lesser (but still significant) position in the Major Circuit, having time to freely search around uninterrupted, let alone secretively, was next to impossible . it stressed him out for sure .. until about two months after he learned about Don's dream car; Don informed the WVBA and Bull personally that he would be returning home to Madrid for a month's time to reconcile with his family after being separated for the sake of his career for such large bouts of time. it broke Bull's heart to be separated from someone he loved for such a long period, but at the same time this was his desperately needed opportunity to begin searching for anybody in possession of the car, and figure out how long it would take him to both get work done on it and have it be functional

GETTING TO THE MAIN POINT IM SPEEDING THIS SHIT UP CUZ IM SOO TIRED + HAVE TO BE OUT OF HERE IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES + I DONT WANNA BORE U 😭

as afore mentioned, the cost of this car (absolute minimum now is about 36k , so i believe 25k? in 2009) wasn't a deathly problem for Bull; he took every step he had to no matter the cost to get the Bel Air properly repaired. when it came time for the paint job, he had to consider just what KIND of red Don really wanted and how it may make or break not only the beauty, but the sentiment of this car. it was the most nerve-racking factor of the entire process; but after some thought he settled for a Cola red. and sure enough, when the time came that Don returned to New York, there aren't words true enough to describe how hard Don cried and how joyous he was for such thought in his name. He couldn't hug or kiss Bull enough, but he could do ONEE thing that would solidify their love

Don taught Bull about cruising and the "culture" of lowriders !!!!!! this is exactly the reason he wanted this car; to cruise with somebody he loves down any and every street they could, in daylight and at night. he made playlists of music he inserted into a drive so that he could have his favorite music play on the radio while they drove about. he taught Bull all about the love that goes into these cars, the love that goes into cruising, and even the love they'd receive from people on the streets when they saw them. Don got to drive the car first, no doubt about that; but his intention never was to hog it! he wanted Bull to learn how to cruise and when the best times were, and eventually he perfected the position in which he drove so that it was no longer just "driving" to him; it was about the love, the smoothness, and the memories it would make

they adore the day drives in summertime an indescribable amount, but their favorite cruises are the ones at night through the downtown roads. that's when the lack of seat belts in old vehicles let Don slide close to Bull and lean on his shoulder, and when they pulled into and parked wherever they resided for the night he could put his hand to Bull's chest and kiss his cheek 🩷

OMG I AM SO LATE TO THIS ONE ANON I AM SO SORRY ! I SAW IT THE SECOND ÌT GOT SUBMITTED BUT IVE BEEN BUSY AS HELL !! BUT FINALLY HEREEE i hope this wasn't too long or too short or tewww boring BUT ITS ONE OF MY DEAREST BULLDON HEADCANONS 🩷 I HOPE U LOVE IT AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK 🥹

[stormyoceans]

Have a nice day, Monica! 🌸How are you feeling? Do you sleep better or are you worried about insomnia? I have a question for you: what are your favorite interviews with JimmySea? Can you make a top? I like their interviews, where the boys tell something special about their character, about hobbies outside the set or about their family. But I think the most favorite interview is Mint Hang Out. Very beautiful bright cafe, delicious dishes, Jimmy and Sea in flirting mode, and Jimmy, who did not come out of the image of Puen, because there were shootings the day before, and driving everyone crazy with gentle looks. Take care of yourself!🌸

hello, dear anon!!!! 💜

this is such a sweet message and that’s also a very interesting question!!! unfortunately im not the best at keeping track with interviews and events, so im probably going to miss some major one, but im going to try to make a small list of my favorites anyway!!!

praew magazine Q&A. YOU WILL NEVER GET ME TO ADMIT HOW MANY TIMES I’VE REWATCHED THIS INTERVIEW JUST KNOW I WOULD HAVE ORDERLIES AT MY DOOR READY TO DRAG ME INTO A PADDED ROOM IF I ADMITTED IT OUT LOUD. im not sure why i like it so much tbh, maybe because it’s a recent one and you can really see how much more comfortable they are in front of the camera and with each other, especially sea. my favorite part is how after the 15th time sea touched jimmy’s leg in the span of 3 minutes even the editor of the video was like if im forced to bare witness to things not even god could withstand then so are y’all [zooms in]

mint hang out vlog. jimmy truly be having some residual method acting left in his system with how ridiculously FOND he looks throughout the entire video. the only reason it doesn't get first place to me is because technically this isn’t exactly an interview but more of a vlog, as the title says, however since i love it and the ACTUAL interview doesn’t have any subs (if anyone asks this is my villain origin story btw) i’ve decided that i don’t care and that im gonna add it to the list anyway. ALSO THIS PERFECTLY SHOWS WHY WE NEED A JIMMYSEA EATING PROGRAM @ GMMTV LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE!!!!!!

our skyy vice versa interview. LISTEN i know it doesn't have any subs so it's not fully accessible to international fans, however it deserved a place here even just for THEE HUG™, i know it was for a challenge but sea clearly didn't expect it and you can tell he is SO DELIGHTED by it AND SO AM I OKAY IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU I AM ONLY HUMAN. also even if you don't know what they're talking about the vibes are just so immaculate and unmatched i would listen to them FOR HOURS

open the world interview. im so very fond of this one because i feel like it's a very good starting point to get to know them. sea is still very shy here, but you learn a lot of things that if you follow them for a while you find out are true: that behind the scenes sea is clingy and determined, that jimmy is always there to guide him, that the way they express their love (even the platonic kind) is by supporting and taking care of the other person, that they do end up spending time together swimming and singing and wakeboarding......

let's talk BL podcast. i knew i could trust them with my life when they were asked which was their favorite vice versa episode and jimmy replied that it was episode 10 (because he is so proud of himself for the derangement he unleashed upon us) while sea eventually picked episode 11 (because he is a man of culture) TRULY KINGS OF TASTE VISION AND CORRECT OPINIONS ONLY!!!!!!! honestly it's just a great interview all-around and i always love how both jimmy and sea try their best in everything they do

i wish i could add more but sadly all the other ones that come to mind (like the oishi magic of zero episode with milklove and the jd's birthday party live with earthmix) don't have any subs ;;;;;; let's hope we're gonna get a lot more when last twilight finally airs!!!!!