#rereading crooked kingdom right now

[bandoftheives]

i forget how much jesper was going THROUGH it in crooked kingdom. he punches kaz, gets into a big fight with his dad, and kisses kuwei - all in TEN PAGES

[skepticalcatfrog]

"She realized Kaz was studying her, and turned her gaze to his. Sunlight slanted through the windows, turning his eyes the color of strong tea."

-Crooked Kingdom, Chapter 11

[kazscrows]

Crooked Kingdom Reread

Chapter 4: Inej

I like that this chapter starts right off with Inej trying to escape on her own

She’s not a damsel in distress sitting around waiting to be rescued

She’s going to try escaping on her own first

The room was pitch-black, and all she could hear in the silence was her own rapid breathing as panic seized her again.

She’d leashed it by controlling her breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, letting her mind turn to prayer as her Saints gathered around her. She imagined them checking the ropes at her wrists, rubbing life into her hands.

My heart aches for her

But what I love is how she leans into her faith

Her actions and her Saints aid her 💕

She did not tell herself she wasn’t afraid. Long ago, after a bad fall, her father had explained that only fools were fearless. We meet fear, he’d said. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen.

I think about this quote from Inej’s father a lot

Whenever I find myself feeling afraid it comes to mind

Well either this quote or Yoda’s quote about fear

Fear isn’t bad, but we can’t let it control us. Sometimes it can guide us to make slightly better decisions, but we can’t let it stop us in our tracks

So far Inej has thought of:

Her past kidnapping/trauma

Her saints aiding and protecting her

Her father

And finally how Kaz would already be free of his bonds if he were in a similar situation

Van Eck could not have chosen her jailer better. Bajan was Suli, only a few years older than Inej, with thick black hair that curled around his collar and black gem eyes framed by lashes long enough to swat flies. He told her he was a music teacher indentured to Van Eck, and Inej wondered that the merch would bring a boy like that into his household given that his new wife was less than half his own age. Van Eck was either very confident or very stupid. He double-crossed Kaz, she reminded herself. He’s leaning heavily into the stupid column.

Van Eck is hoping to lull her into a false sense of security with someone who looks familiar from her past

Her tune will change about Bajan soon

And heck yeah Jan Van Eck is extremely stupid!

He should have never tried hiring Kaz at all really. Conning him is like signing a death warrant

She thought of Jesper toying with his guns, Nina squeezing the life from a man with the flick of a wrist, Kaz picking a lock in his black gloves. Thugs. Thieves. Murderers. And all worth more than a thousand Jan Van Ecks.

They’re her friends. Her family-

Then where are they? The question tore at some hastily stitched seam inside of her. Where is Kaz? She didn’t want to look at that question too closely. Above everything else, Kaz was practical. Why would he come for her when he could walk away from Van Eck with the most valuable hostage in the world?

My heart is being ripped right in half—

They are coming!

He’s coming!!

Just hang in there-

Bajan wrinkled his nose. “Let’s not speak Suli. It makes me maudlin.”

Right before this Inej had called him “Shevrati” Know-nothing in Suli

If you’re like me you had to look up what maudlin means

It can mean sentimental or even sick

This is actually super interesting because for Inej to survive in Ketterdam she clutched onto her Suli culture and her faith

Remembering that is what has helped her survive

It looks like Bajan has done just the opposite by shunning who he used to be

That’s quite sad actually…

She knows Nina will try to come for her, and Matthias will follow because it’s what’s right

And Jesper would want to if he could

But she’s so unsure of Kaz…

…without Kaz, were any of them a match for Van Eck’s ruthlessness and resources? I am, Inej told herself. I may not have Kaz’s devious mind, but I am a dangerous girl.

I love her confidence in herself her though

It’s beautiful

Inej knew better than that. She’d learned from the best. Better terrible truths than kind lies. Kaz had never offered her happiness, and she didn’t trust the men promising to serve it up to her now. Her suffering had not been for nothing. Her Saints had brought her to Ketterdam for a reason—a ship to hunt slavers, a mission to give meaning to all she’d been through. She would not betray that purpose or her friends for some dream of the past.

She’s offered the possibility of freedom and a chance to be with her family, but she won’t betray her friends

Maybe Kaz and the others were coming for her, but she didn’t intend to wait around and see.

That’s my Inej!

Once Bajan and the guards had left, she’d slipped the shard of broken bowl from where she’d hidden it beneath the ropes around her ankles and set to work. Weak and wobbly as she’d felt when Bajan had arrived with that heavenly smelling bowl of mush, she’d only pretended to swoon so that she could deliberately knock her tray off the table. If Van Eck had really done his research, he would have warned Bajan that the Wraith did not fall.

She said she’s not as clever as Kaz, but honestly I think she could give him a run for his money sometimes

Oh gosh

Crawling through the tiny air vent would be so horrible

I never thought I was claustrophobic, but reading Inej describe the experience might be changing my mind-

Like this quote:

Every time she took a deep breath, it felt like the air shaft was tightening around her ribs.

She wished for her knives, for the comforting weight of them in her palms. Did Van Eck still have them in his possession? Had he sold them off? Tossed them into the sea? She named the blades anyway—Petyr, Marya, Anastasia, Lizabeta, Sankt Vladimir, Sankta Alina and found courage in each whispered word.

…Finally, her fingers hooked over a door frame and her hands wrapped around the knob. It wouldn’t budge. Locked. She gave it a tentative rattle.

The room flooded with light. Inej shrank back against the door, squinting in the sudden brightness.

“If you wanted a tour, Miss Ghafa, you might simply have asked,” said Jan Van Eck.

He stood on the stage of the decrepit theater, his black mercher’s suit cut in severe lines.

This scene feels very much like a play. It’s almost comical

But I guess it’s fitting considering the location

It’s also just super rude of Van Eck to just be there waiting in the dark for her to try opening the door like that

Like. It’s so ridiculously dramatic actually

And then she attempts to escape

And she fails…

It does take three guards to hold her though!

Inej is so incredibly strong. I forget that sometimes because of her physical stature

“You are not going to find your way out of this without my help or Mister Brekker’s. As he does not seem to be making an appearance, perhaps you should consider a change in alliance.”

Inej said nothing.

We’re almost to the part shatters me…. and now that I think about it that’s a really poor choice of words because of what almost happens to Inej—

“… Where is Kaz Brekker keeping the boy?”

“How could I possibly know that?”

“You must know the locations of the Dregs’ safe houses. Brekker does nothing without preparation. He’ll have warrens to hide in all over the city.”

“If you know him so well, then you know he’d never keep Kuwei somewhere that I could lead you to him.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I can’t help what you do or don’t believe. Your Shu scientist is probably long gone already.”

“Word would have reached me. My spies are everywhere.”

“Clearly not everywhere.”

Dab on him

Is that cringe to say in 2023?

I don’t care. This is the cringe™️ website for a reason

Van Eck sighed. “Remember that I have tried to treat you with civility.”

*eye roll*

I hate when the bad guy is like “now remember I used to be nice to you, but since you’re being frustrating now I’m going to be mean and hurt you mentally and physically-”

Like I don’t care how you used to be

You’re being awful Now—

You’re threatening to torture her!

And he was always awful actually

He kidnapped her and kept her bond in a tiny room- that’s not civil—

“Wait,” said Van Eck. He was studying Inej as if he were reading a ledger, trying to make the figures line up. He cocked his head to one side and said, “Break her legs.”

Inej felt her courage fracture. She began to thrash, trying to get free of the guards’ hold.

“Ah,” said Van Eck. “That’s what I thought.”

All she can manage is repeating “Don’t” over and over again but then…

“He’ll never trade if you break me!” she screamed, the words tearing loose from some deep place inside her, her voice raw and undefended. “I’ll be no use to him anymore!”

It hurts

Every single time—

Van Eck held up a hand. The mallet fell.

Inej felt it brush against her trousers as the impact shattered the surface of the table a hair’s breadth from her calf, the entire corner collapsing beneath the force.

My leg, she thought, shuddering violently. That would have been my leg. There was a metallic taste in her mouth. She’d bitten her tongue. Saints protect me. Saints protect me.

Just. Chills.

Horrifying chills

Oh Inej, I’m so sorry—

Inej could not control her shaking. I’m going to cut you open, she vowed silently. I’m going to excavate that pathetic excuse of a heart from your chest. It was an evil thought, a vile thought. But she couldn’t help it. Would her Saints sanction such a thing? Could forgiveness come if she killed not to survive but because she burned with living, luminous hatred? I don’t care, she thought as her body spasmed and the guards lifted her trembling form from the table. I’ll do penance for the rest of my days if it means I get to kill him.

Van Eck made a mistake making an enemy of the Wraith

Bajan moved to place the blindfold over her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t know he intended … I—”

“Kadema mehim.”

Bajan flinched. “Don’t say that.”

The Suli were a close people, loyal. They had to be, in a world where they had no land and where they were so very few. Inej’s teeth were chattering, but she forced out the words. “You are forsaken. As you have turned your back on me, so will they turn their backs on you.” It was the worst of Suli denunciations, one that forbade you the welcome of your ancestors in the next world, and doomed your spirit to wander without a home.

Bajan paled. “I don’t believe any of that.”

“You will.”

Bajan is such a sad character

He turned his back on his own people

In her early days at the Menagerie, she’d believed someone would come for her. Her family would find her. An officer of the law. A hero from one of the stories her mother used to tell. Men had come, but not to set her free, and eventually her hope had withered like leaves beneath a too-bright sun, replaced by a bitter bud of resignation.

Kaz had rescued her from that hopelessness, and their lives had been a series of rescues ever since, a string of debts that they never tallied as they saved each other again and again. Lying in the dark, she realized that for all her doubts, she’d believed he would rescue her once more, that he would put aside his greed and his demons and come for her. Now she wasn’t so sure. Because it was not just the sense in the words she’d spoken that had stilled Van Eck’s hand but the truth he’d heard in her voice. He’ll never trade if you break me. She could not pretend those words had been conjured by strategy or even animal cunning. The magic they’d worked had been born of belief. An ugly enchantment.

But it’s not true Inej

Kaz will always come for you

Always. No matter what!

Keep your faith in him

End of Part One

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[gambitandrogues]

Fun fact - there comes a point when you can have too many interests, and then you just sit there not doing anything instead of enjoying them

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Back on my analysis nonsense but not quite awake enough to write a full essay right now so please enjoy this snippet of analysis about Inej, language, and the word “girl”. It’s all stuff I’ve talked about before but I haven’t given it’s own post before and I’ve been rereading some of my old stuff to get back in the mindset so I thought I’d bring this back up because I find it really interesting - I’m also really hoping to write the post about Fruszi that I’ve been planning on doing for basically since season 2 came out tomorrow or at least very soon so hopefully that won’t be too long

Inej Ghafa, Language, and the Word “Girl”

⚠️As always in my analyses, constant spoilers ahead!! 🖤

⚠️I’m going to talk about Inej’s trauma and her ptsd, and this post will also possibly include references to the other characters’ trauma and ptsd as well

Hi okay it’s been a while since we did this and I realise it’s probably the reason most of you follow me so sorry about that but let’s jump right in - I often say it’s after midnight and I’m thinking about Soc so let’s talk but today I actually have to say it’s almost midnight and I’m thinking about Six of Crows, so let’s talk: Inej’s internalised misunderstanding of the Kerch word for “girl”.

In the Bathroom Scene during Crooked Kingdom (which I have a full analysis posted of if anyone would like to read it; I can tag you or you can follow the link in my pinned post), we see Inej at the point she allows herself to be most vulnerable with another character. I think we forget this because we know much more about it than they do, but the other Crows know very little about what Inej went through at the Menagerie - Kaz himself in that very scene describes having “the barest inkling of what she’d endured there” - and previously when we’ve learnt anything about her experiences they have mostly been through flashbacks that Inej experienced during other events of the book. On the boat to Fjerda, in the surgeon’s cabin with Nina, Inej battles with flashbacks and insists Nina sing to her and teach her the chorus of the song to try and distract herself - Nina of course knows that something is going on, but only the reader is actually told what’s happening in Inej’s head - and when she has a flashback at Sweet Reef (the man who smelled of vanilla) she’s alone until Dunyasha arrives. This scene with Kaz is really the only time we see her express herself and, as openly as she can, attempt to speak about some extent of what she went through out loud. I’ve dissected a lot of what she says in this scene in the past and formed theories about it before, but I haven’t talked as much about this quote:

“Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel”

After this introduction she goes on to explain the emotional abuse and manipulation that Heleen put her through, going so far as to specify that because endearment became something akin to danger she flinched the first time Nina hugged her, and she also mentions in the scene that sometimes when Jesper puts his arm around her she feels like she’s going to vanish. This particular description of Heleen has very strong parallels to descriptions of Van Eck’s abuse of Wylan, and though I don’t want to go into that in too much detail now bc I’ve talked about it before and how their parallels are what create a lot of the Wylan/Inej parallels I do think that it’s a relevant thing to mention as I bridge into the next quote I want to bring up; when Van Eck takes Inej captive and is claiming that he has treated her like this because this is what he know her to expect from her life experiences, she internally comments that he sounds like Heleen and we get a memory of this quote:

“Why do you make me do these things? You bring these punishments on yourself, girl”.

This obviously had very strong links to the way Van Eck abuses Wylan and teaches him to actively blame himself, which I’ve talked about in the last, but I also want to add that it’s so interesting when we see Heleen call Inej “girl” because she very rarely uses terms that don’t actively dehumanise her/any of the other children at the Menagerie. Of course the use of the epithet is still a big part of the way Inej was denied identity at the Menagerie, remember she audibly sobbed when Kaz said her real name out loud the night she left, but it doesn’t necessarily hold the same immediate, discomforting effect that other epithets Heleen uses, such as “little Lynx” (actively diminishing and dehumanising Inej whilst using an oxymoronic phrase to effectively imply that she is a tamed animal and even though she should be able to fight free she never will. As a side note linked to this, the word “little” is often used derogatorily towards Inej, most obviously by Heleen and Van Eck and most notably when she breaks his nose and he shouts “you little wretch! You little whore!” and she replies “go on Van Eck, tell me all the little things I am”). But I would actually argue that when Heleen uses the word “girl”, she intends it with all the same dehumanisation as she does “Lynx”.

Throughout Inej’s experiences in the duology, the word “girl” is used almost exclusively in two ways: 1) as an insult, 2) possessively. Whenever the children at the Menagerie are referred to as “girls” it is always in a possessive context, for example these quotes are the Ice Court Heist when Inej is wearing the Lynx silks:

“… in front of her girls”

“Your girl will be returned to you”

“Where is my girl?”

“That is not my girl”

And this is an ongoing theme throughout the books. However, the idea is most obviously presented in a quote by Inej herself, and this is where it quite truly breaks my heart:

“not really people, not even really girls.”

Okay I'm really tired and this post is already longer than I was planning so from this point forth everything in the quotation marks is directly taken from another post where I talked more briefly about this:

' As if “girls” and “people” are two separate entities. As if “girls” are not human. This is the language and the attitude that she was surrounded by at the Menagerie and is still surrounded by in the city, and what was forced upon her throughout her experiences in the country. But you know what else might be a genuinely horrifying little detail of this????? Inej may have actually taught herself that the words “people” and “girls” are not synonymous. Because when Inej was brought to Kerch she wasn’t fluent in the language, she spoke some of it and quickly learnt the rest through circumstance, so if this was the way she heard Kerch people use the word “girl” this is how she would internalise the definition of it. I hope this makes sense I’m not sure if I’m relating my thoughts very clearly, it’s kind of like how Matthias was forced to learn Kerch because he was in a Kerch prison so he doesn’t know words that would easily come to him in Fjerdan, like the snow goggles, but instead of simply having gaps Inej has actually learnt a false grammar system that defines “girl” as a dehumanising term because it means someone who is less than or someone who is property. '

I feel like I might have had something to add but if I did then I have forgotten it; if it return to me in the morning then I will return to add it but for now I am going to bid you all goodnight. Thank you for reading these mad ramblings and I hope they made some semblance of sense and/or were interesting <33

⚠️This is a theory and this is my personal literary interpretation; I am not saying that this is an intentional choice made by Leigh Bardugo, though it may be I have no idea, and I am not saying that you have to agree with me. Literary analysis is not about presenting one definitive answer, and if you have either differing interpretations or further points you’d like to add then please do as I would love to read them! <3

[melodramaticatheart]

Falling to Pieces - Paedyn Gray x Kai Azer

Kai and Pae have made there way back to Ilyia, Kai now being a visitor for the night at Paedyn's fort.

Pairing: Kai Azer and Paedyn Gray Word Count: 1.2k Book: Powerless Author's Note: first time writing my babies ahhh ! this was a request by @nuncscioquidsitamor-14, which has been in my inbox for a couple weeks but now that i'm rereading powerless i felt inspired to finish it! also this was originally fluff but i'm not sure how it ended up being so angsty Taglist: @reminiscentreader, @flowers-for-em, @nqds, @art-of-fools, @lxvebelle

My breath was coming up short, pain shooting up my legs from holding my weight in the chimney now I had six sticky buns hidden in my pockets, honey oozing through the fabric. I plant my feet on the ground with a soft thud. Running down dark alleys until I find the familiar white house, well what was left of it. “Y’know I could arrest you for that.” “You could try, but we both know I'd escape” I cock my head to the side looking at Kai leaning against a street light, “So you going to hand me one or am I gonna have to steal it from you? Gray Style.” He asks, pushing himself off the pole, a shadow you’d miss if you weren’t looking. The night's darkness seemed to engulf him, only making parts of his smirk visible to me. “Here you go” I say plopping the sticky mess into his hand “But I must warn you they might not live up to Gale’s” “I don’t doubt it.” I smack his arm lightly making my way down the empty street, the stars glisten on the big canvas we call the sky helping light the slums “So…” Kai stumbled alongside me dumping a chunk of bun into his mouth “Where are we staying tonight?” “We?” I look at him skeptically, “Let me remind you down this road there’s a gold pristine palace waiting for you, with a nice big bed, and a table full of food.” I move my hand around and soften my voice to add awe to my words. He can probably hear the bitterness behind my words but doesn’t acknowledge them. “It’s funny you think I'd leave you alone, after losing you for a month.” He crossed his arm, walking backwards looking at me with a crooked grin, a dimple appearing on his right. I roll my eyes, giving in. “Come on, I'll take you to the fort.” “”The fort” sounds exciting.” He cocks his head, giving me a tight smile and turning his front back to the street.

With tight lips I make my way down the familiar alley, my stomach lurching. I hadn’t had time to return after… my thoughts caught off not allowing myself to think of the blood, the crooked fingers, the moans of pain. I stumble towards a wall staring at the small corner of the alley filled with rugged blankets and old discarded fabrics, I begin to mindlessly spin my father’s finger on my thumb. “This is home” I whisper, my lips trembling at the sight. Now that I’m closer I can make out the last bits of fabric I’d stolen for Adena before leaving for the trial. Anger bubbled up inside me, everything about this stupid kingdom has made innocent people suffer, and I was going to get them back. My hands instinctively turned to fists, the anger pooling in my gut. Kai grunted, bringing my attention to the boy who was now rubbing his neck, absentmindedly nodding his head as he slumped against the wall on the other side of the alley staring at the barricades of the place I'd grown to call home.

I went and sat next to him, not having enough courage to sit in the fort. Slowly I pulled out the sticky buns I’d stolen an hour ago, “these were her favorite'' I whisper, a look of understanding crossing his face, he quietly took the bun and threw a piece into his mouth chewing it for a few seconds as i started to nibble mine still not used to food in my stomach after so much time in the scorches. “These may not be Gale’s but they definitely come in a close second” I chuckle silently but It’s just to fill the silence. I throw my head back resting it against the wall, sighing the anger melts taking over me like a honey does a sticky bun. “I can’t do this” I breathe out, getting on my feet unsteadily. I start walking down the narrow lane ignoring the sound of Kai getting on his feet behind me “Hey, where are you going?” I hear him ask as he reaches me softly, turning me around so I can face him. “You okay, Gray?” His eyes turn 10 shades of sincere as he studies my face for an answer. I try to get out of his grip calling him enforcer just to anger him but he just stays silent not reacting to the title. “Just leave me alone Azer” I say finally getting out of his grip, almost making it out of the aisle before he calls out from behind me “Did I do something?” He asks, confused on why I'm acting this way. He doesn’t get it. He’s seen where I’ve spent the last five years sleeping and not even a little bit of sympathy from him. Even his brother could manage some when he saw the slums. No, what am I saying? I don't want his sympathy. What I want is to get him back. 

I scoff, loud enough he can hear me,  turning around stalking towards him. I point my finger at his chest, not being able to contain my anger any longer. “Are you seriously going to ask me here of all places if you did something?! Look Where we are your royal highness, we’re in the place I called home, a collection of blankets and fabric i’ve had to sleep in for five god damn years.” My tongue tastes bitter as I use his royal title. I resent him at this moment. “Do you know how hard it was? Huh?! Do you know, Kai? Having to sleep on the floor, only getting to eat on lucky days, getting whipped by your stupid guards just cause they felt they needed to teach a lesson towards a starving child!” I throw my hands to my hair letting my fingers dig into my scalp. I take a breath letting it fill my lungs “The only person I had, the girl I called my sister, the person I could trust with anything, I didn’t need to lie my way for her to call me a friend.” A sob broke through me, grief filling my insides. “She was all I had and your stupid kingdom, your stupid family took her away” I look at him dead in the eye as I finish “and you, you started all of it, you killed my father the only place of comfort I ever knew and you killed him right in front of me” I slowly crumble to my knees years of pent up grief releasing. The sobs come out heavy and sloppy as my heart starts to seize, I must look pathetic. The thought crosses my head causing a small laugh to leave the body of my lips. I suddenly feel fingers treading through my hair, his left arm wrapping around my waist. “I hate you!” I scream out, pounding my fists in his chest, he only pulls me closer “Hate me Pae. Hate me all you want.” He whispers into my hair, his hold loosening on me as my hits get softer, “It should’ve been me” I sob into his chest, my energy giving out, pain the size of my heart searing across my chest, my sobs growing quieter as the night gets colder.

[wylanslcve]

Okay don't mind me I'm in the middle of a Crooked Kingdom reread and feel overwhelmingly inclined to rant about Jesper Fahey because this fandom just doesn't give him the treatment he deserves. I'm specifically going to incoherently ramble about the scene in Crooked Kingdom where he, Colm and Wylan are being shot at because I feel like that scene is representative of Jesper's arc - but, before we dive into that, let me contextualise a few things first. Jesper does things for the thrill of it: he thrives off chaos and spontaneity, hence why he "always felt better when people were shooting at him". It's because the sound of gunfire "called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else" - and it also provides a distraction from his pain and trauma, because whenever he'd think about it, "everything in him recoiled. Trying not to die was the best possible distraction". Whenever anything to do with his past or his debt is brought up, "his hands returned to his revolvers" because he found himself "longing for the cool, familiar feel of their pearl handles beneath his thumbs". It steadies him as much as it possibly can when he's not in a dangerous situation, momentarily calling his mind into focus, an attempt at distracting himself from his afflictions.

Based off similar instances, the scene in Crooked Kingdom where he, Wylan and Colm are being shot at should have brought him that same satisfaction that any other shooting would. He "should be buzzing from the excitement of the fight. The thrill was still there, fizzing through his blood, but beside it was a cold, unfamiliar sensation that felt like it was draining the joy from him." What makes this situation so different to the others is that he can't ignore his problems and trauma now: it's staring him right in the face. Colm is right there. The thrill of the fight doesn't feel the same because "all he could think was, Da could have been hurt. He could have died." And we know that Jesper's debt would cost Colm the jurda farm Jesper grew up on, forcing him to acknowledge the reality of his problems: with Colm being right there, Jesper just can't ignore his afflictions because all he could think about is how his father would "suffer for his antics". If you ask me, this is so representative of his character arc as a whole.

This is further emphasised by how he's reflecting on the first time he spun Makker's Wheel right before this ambush, its intention being merely "harmless fun", but it ended up evolving into an addiction that "split [his life] like a log into two distinct and uneven pieces: the time before he’d stepped up to that wheel and every day since". The rush of a high-stakes situation is the equivalent of the "harmless fun" - it's a thrill that Jesper enjoys feeling, but in reality it's doing much more harm because it's preventing him from acknowledging and facing his pain. And he's indeed in so much pain: there's so much anguish inside of him, but he'd do anything to distract himself from it because the reality is just too painful.

This is where the tables come in: later in Crooked Kingdom, when the crew are being ambushed by the Khergud, Jesper "could feel the pull of East Stave" because he didn't have anything else to occupy his mind with. Then, the minute he thinks about facing his father, "the need to be at the tables was overwhelming" because he desperately needs to distract himself from the reality of his circumstances: "since Kaz hadn't obliged him with something to shoot at, Jesper needed a pair of dice and long odds to clear his mind". He can't use the ambush as a distraction, so the tables it is. As Inej tells him, "they feel like medicine. They soothe you, put you right for a time. But they’re poison, Jesper. Every time you play, you take another sip." This isn't the first time poison has been used to represent something that is preventing the Crows from healing - we also see it with Matthias, when he tells Brum in Six of Crows, "the life you live, the hate you feel - it's poison. I can drink it no longer". Just like how the exploitation of Matthias' grief and pain as a means of fueling hatred prevented him from healing because it kept exacerbating the anguish within him (he had to stop drinking the poison to do so), Jesper's addiction - and, by extension, the thrill of a high-stakes situation - prevents him from acknowledging the wound inside him and working towards healing it. It gets to the extent where “he had always thought of himself as lucky… what if he’d been bluffing this whole time?” - he’s gotten so used to suppressing his pain that he, in a way, loses sense of who he is. His façade has distorted his perception of himself. It's not until Colm arrives in the Barrel that Jesper is forced to acknowledge just how deep that wound is and how much it's festering - just like how he couldn't even feel the thrill of a fight properly because of the possibility of his father getting hurt.

That scene is one of many cracks that start to form as Jesper continues to bottle up all of this pain and trauma, until he finally breaks when Wylan proposes that he's such a good shot because being a Fabrikator allows him to direct the metal of the bullets. Jesper protests, asking Wylan why he can't "just let things be easy" - why can't he just let him keep ignoring his problems, when it's so much easier than facing them? But Wylan stands his ground, explaining that "they’re not easy... You keep pretending everything is okay. You move on to the next fight or the next party. What are you afraid is going to happen if you stop?" This is why Matthias calls Jesper “angry and frightened” - he’s afraid of stopping, because he knows stopping means that he’s forced to face the reality that he’s deeply wounded. This is when he finally breaks under the burden of his own pain, under the reality that he can't keep ignoring it anymore - hence why he chooses to put his share of the reward in Colm's name because, as he explains to Kaz, "I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of money just yet". For the first time, he's acknowledging his problems and working towards fixing them, no matter how much time it takes (because trauma and addiction don't just disappear overnight).

n e ways this ended up being significantly longer than anticipated but this is what happens when I start analysing these books: it snowballs out of control and suddenly I can’t shut up.

[your-emotional-support-duck]

No but i need y'all to be so fuckin fr right now because my entirely new obsession with the grishaverse is so chaotic and i need to know if anybody can relate:

I started watching the series but kept reading that the books were so much better so i decided that i should read some of it first

Initially i wanted the first part of sab gor christmas, just to see if i like it but.. i got the entire trilogy

and i read the first book and thought that it was kind of bad, but now i already got all three of them, so might as well read them, right?

So i finished the series and still thought that it was kind of cringe

and then i immediately ordered soc and ck right after

and i do not know why i did that tbh

but well, it was indeed a lot better than the first series

After that, i forgot about it for like, half a year

Then i watched the entire series on netflix and reread six of crows and crooked kingdom in like, two days and now i can't stop thinking about it

It is currently the middle of the night and i just ordered king of scars and rule of wolf, so i guess we'll see where this is going

[cultofsappho]

9 favourite books

tysm for the tag @daisymae-12 !!!

about a year ago, I was unemployed for a while and binged like, 50 queer romance books back to back. most of these are from that little period of freedom haha

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston - wow big shocker. the heavy rwrb blog puts it as her fav? we all gasped. No joke, this book inspires me so much, regularly. Its a comfort reread, a regular in my rotation of audiobook backround noise, and inspired several fics and counting.. #1 best boy right here

Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo - my #2 comfort rereads, I'm including Crooked Kingdom bc I ALWAYS pick up book #2 after finishing book #1. Wylan is my special boy and I need his POV chapters. (I also need more fic of him going fucking insane and becoming a tiny, richer, Kaz please and thank you)

Delilah Green Doesn't Care by Ashley Herring Blake - Look im a fantasy/magic/adventure girl, so this was very outside my norm when i bought it but i feel in LOVE. It's so mundane while also being very heartfelt and silly and fun. I absolutely loved it and plan to reread soon. plus........ sapphic sex scenes. what more do you want.

A Marvelous Light by Freya Marske - MAGIC. CURSES. SECRECT SOCIETY. LIBRARIES. PERIOD PEICE. (+magic sex???) SOLD. I need the next two books so bad but i'm broke rn. I will probably get #2 as an audio book from the library if I can soon!

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas - not exaggerating, this book reminded my why I love reading. this is the book that kicked off my great reading binge of 2022. which is kinda weird bc I really don't like high school stories, i'm just too old now for them. BUT, magic. ghosts. queer. SOLD. Loved and reread many times and counting!

The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas - While we're on Aiden Thomas... I need Sunbearer Trials book 2 like, yesterday. I NEED IT AIDEN. Hunger Games meets Percy Jackson in the best possible combination that took my breath away. I flew (lol) through this book in one evening. (not recommended. savvor this shit. its excellent.)

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun - the fact the author managed to make me enjoy the concept of a reality show is balls to the walls bananas. And the mental halth discussion in this stole the whole show.

Spell Bound by FT Lukens - It's really hard for me to pick between FT's books for a fav. I absolutely loved In Deeper Waters and So This Is Ever After, but Spell Bound hit me so hard. Of course, there's magic. (have you found my theme yet?) but specifically the discussion around lonliness, and Rook's relationship with "his adult" is so sweet and just really hit me somewhere soft.

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston - I am seriously on the hunt for sapphic books that hit me the way some of the mlm books above have hit me and ols hits that nail on the head. This book made me realize I actually like time travel stories... if it's done in a very specific way haha. also... sapphic sex scenes. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME. I'M HERE FOR THE P-

ty for allowing me to indulge in my ramblings and love for these books <3 no pressure tags below the cut:

@14carrotghoul @myheartalivewrites @lazybug16 @penna-nomen @cosmicalart @sherryvalli @jesuisici33 @cha-melodius

[stcrforged]

get to know the mun.

what's your phone wallpaper: my silly little cat!

last song listened to: adrift from stray gods.

currently reading: the book of elsewhere by keanu reeves and china miéville, crooked kingdom by leigh bardugo, midnight's children by salman rushdie, as good as dead by holly jackson and undoctored by adam kay. i'm also reading some books in my mother tongue that haven't been translated and i'm rereading one piece.

last movie: deadpool and wolverine!

last show: sweet tooth.

what are you wearing right now: a large t-shirt.

how tall are you: 170 cm (i guess it's about 5′7″)

piercings/tattoos: five ear piercings and five tattooos.

glasses/contacts: none.

last thing you ate: white chocolate with lemon.

favorite color: mustard yellow.

current obsession: hmmmm... probably x-men and one piece.

do you have a crush right now: don't think so?

favorite fictional characters: wolverine, nightcrawler, storm, varric tethras, dorian pavus, the fifteenth doctor, the ninth doctor, sindri, mimir, peregrin took, snow white from fables / the wolf among us and many others!

last place you traveled: my workplace lol

tagged by: @yontonyo

tagging: @paetal, @elliscousland, @earthinheritd, @fadedpath and @cherrygardn

[sparkly-skies]

hi @esskuesli it's arsonist-chicken, I saw the first question and figured this would go on my band sideblog 😅

9 people you’d like to get to know better!

three ships: "Watch me being RPF trash right now" << aren't I always. You people with your Bojan/Kris fics have lured me in like a hinkypunk in the woods. Then from Blind Channel, there's always good old Aleksi/Olli, and of course Aleksi/Robin. If I was currently actively continuing to read Crooked Kingdom, I'd also probably say Inej/Kaz.

first ship: I don't remember but I remember the first fanfics I read were for Harry Potter, so probably something from there? Or Percy/Annabeth? Don't remember which came first tbh.

last song: plot line by Emlyn. this might be the first time I've gotten a good recommendation from oeticket/eventim, at least as far as I can tell from that song only.

last film: The Hunger Games - Mockingjay, part 1. I rewatched them the last few weeks and will hopefully have time soon for the last one, and in summer maybe to reread the books

currently reading: I have on my nightstand "Crooked Kingdom" (Six of Crows) which I started in summer and really want to pick up again, and after that, I have "Invisible Women" which I'm looking forward to even if I know I'll be pissed the whole time afjdklajsd.

currently watching: Nothing right now.

currently consuming: Hofer has the olive bread sticks again so I get those a lot with the spicy hummus. Also fruit tea because goddamn it's cold, why is it cold.

currently craving: Sleep. I had a class at a different uni again for which I usually leave my house at midnight and come back shortly after midnight the next day, and sleeping on the train is always a bit meh. also also also I'm having a sudden burst of motivation to finally write a fic I've been meaning to write for quite a while now but. Sleep must come first, then moving stuff, then uni stuff. Maybe during winter break though, I'll need something to keep me away from all the christmas fics anyway.

tagging: @leopardom @paleangels13 @n3ongold3n @ominousmotion @morbid-things @another-sun @kraeuterhexchen is this 9 yet, I can't do math but I heard you do

[fiora-miriel]

Tagged by the wonderful @orlissa and the fabulous @aloveforjaneausten

and once again I was tagged and forgot for a week or so. oopise?

Last song: I think I've watched Unreal Unearth like 50 times by now. It is an amazing album, the lyricism, the poetry, the literary allusions, bur also the political commentary and of course that deep yearning Hozier can convey? Yes, please give me more

Currently watching: Rewatching The Crown (currently at the end of s2) and I adore how they made it. I started watching The Night Manager, which I haven't seen a few days ago, but I feel asleep in the middle of it (also yes it is 2023 and I'm watching night manager for the first time)

Currently reading: Trying to finally get through Crooked Kingdom, but right now it doesn't grip me? Maybe I need to wait until it's a bit colder outside to get into the mood for it.

Feminists don't wear pink (and other lies), which contains very good feminist essays and commentary.

As I always have like 5 books I'm reading in parallel, there are more? I'm re-reading Lotr, I'm almost through Fellowship of the Ring, through the first quarter (almost) of The Essex Serpent. Also rereading The Bullet Journal Method, because I want to restart journaling and need structure.

Current obsession: Well... Hozier's new album. Unfortunately, also work, which shouldn't be the case but as soon as the current project is over I hope to chill a bit.

Also finding a new sports activity that is for me? Not sure if a classical gym is for me, but I know when I'm more active I feel better and right now I'm restarting my fitness and health journey.

Tagging: @aquitainequeen @fairy-anon-godmother @smolder-folder and whoever feels in the mood for it

[kazscrows]

Crooked Kingdom Reread

Chapter 3: Matthias

Cornelis Smeet tipped, losing his footing, hat sliding from his nearly bald head. The boy who had run into him stepped forward, offering assistance.

The boy was Kaz, but he was not Kaz. His dark hair was mussed, his manner flustered. He kept his eyes averted, his chin tucked into his collar as if hopelessly embarrassed—a green youth, respectful of his elders.

I love when Kaz goes into acting mode™️

I need more of it

lol Kaz saying “Oh dear, I think you dropped your wallet.” like he’s a respectable lad

Matthias watched in disbelief, Smeet opened his billfold and drew out a crisp five-kruge bill. “There you are, young man. Pays to be honest.”

I’m cackling

That honest young man just robbed you of your dog whistle, put it back again, stole valuable information on one of your clients and threatened your daughter—

Matthias could not fathom it. He’d kept his gaze trained on Kaz’s gloved hands as he’d fussed over Smeet, but even knowing that Kaz intended to return the whistle, Matthias hadn’t been able to detect the moment of deception. He was tempted to drag Smeet back and make Kaz perform the trick again.

Kaz neatened his hair with his fingers and handed the five kruge to Wylan. “Don’t spend it all in one place. Let’s move.”

Please why is this so funny? I’m dying-

Kaz just keeps reaffirming that he’s secretly a demjin in Matthias eyes

But same Matthias. I’d want to see that trick a hundred times

And Kaz giving Wylan the money?

Hilarious 😂

Matthias just thought that Kaz is twice as insufferable ever since Inej got taken

He needs her 😭

He’s definitely worried about her

I wonder just how often the others will note his increasingly worse moods

They made it back to Black Veil

It was weird they already came here in the show but it was also very cool to see the cemetery

I guess it just sets it up as a future haunt for later… *ba-dum tssh* get it? Haunt.. cause.. cause it’s a cemetery—

I love that Jesper and Nina are in an argument when Kaz, Wylan, and Matthias arrive

Kaz is just like.. “now now children stop being stupid and shut up-“

He literally herds them along with his cane

Freddy please use the cane for more gestures in the future! I’m begging 🙏

“Stop gawking like you’ve never seen a girl in a dress before, Matthias.”

“I wasn’t gawking,” Matthias said with as much dignity as he could muster. But for Djel’s sake, what was he supposed to look at when Nina had irises tucked between … everything.

“Be quiet, Brekker,” Nina said. “I like it when he gawks.”

It’s your own fault they’re back together Kaz

I love Nina

And I can totally hear Danielle saying that line

Matthias knew Nina would allow herself no comfort until Inej was safe.

Aww ninej 🥹💕

I love their friendship

All the crows love Inej so much

Kuwei poked his head out of the huge stone tomb as they approached.

“What did I tell you?” Kaz growled, pointing his cane at him.

“My Kerch isn’t very good,” protested Kuwei.

“Don’t run game on me, kid. It’s good enough. Stay in the tomb.”

Kuwei hung his head. “Stay in the tomb,” he repeated glumly.

lol

I just like this interaction

Kaz calling anyone kid is kind of funny. Like dude you can’t be anymore than four years older than him

Poor Kuwei though

If I’m being honest I never cared much for him before I guess we’ll see if that changes after this reread

I’ve definitely been sympathizing for him more

The tomb was constructed to look like an ancient cargo ship, its interior carved into a vast stone hull. It even had stained-glass portholes that cast rainbows on the crypt floor in the late afternoon.

I had forgotten it looked like a boat so I’m glad the show got it right!

We always talk about Nina and Kaz’s sibling energy in the fandom and I love it, but I’m getting sibling energy from her and Jesper too and I’m living!

He turned his gaze on Matthias. “The Fjerdans are here too. They’ve got a whole contingent of drüskelle with them.

Oh rip I didn’t realize they knew the drüskelle were there so early

Kaz continued. “Once we have Inej, we can move on Van Eck’s silos.”

Nina rolled her eyes. “Good thing this is all about getting our money and not about saving Inej. Definitely not about that.”

“If you don’t care about money, Nina dear, call it by its other names.”

I’m probably reading way too much into this but

Kaz called Inej, Inej here.

Not the Wraith or a spider

He cares about Inej. He didn’t call her by her other names

It’s probably not meant to be read like this at all

Especially since in the next breath Kaz calls money freedom, security, and retribution to help appease Nina’s disapproval and of course to slightly mock her…

Yeah I’m definitely going off the rails, but it’s just a thought I had

Inej is his first priority though, can’t deny that one

Matthias heard Wylan murmur to Jesper, “Why won’t he just say he wants her back?”

“You’ve met Kaz, right?”

“But she’s one of us.”

Unfortunately Kaz is emotionally constipated

“Inej is part of the crew.”

“Just don’t push it.”

“Why not?”

“Because the practical thing would be for Kaz to auction Kuwei to the highest bidder and forget about Inej entirely.”

“He wouldn’t—” Wylan broke off abruptly, doubt creeping over his features.

None of them really knew what Kaz would or wouldn’t do. Sometimes Matthias wondered if even Kaz was sure.

Wylan trying to stand up for Inej is wonderful

But man this hurts

None of them believe that Kaz wouldn’t just leave them all to die if it was ever more convenient for him

I don’t believe that for a second but…

This emotional constipation is getting dangerous Kaz-

None of them trust you-

Just let them in alReAdy—

Also Jesper and Wylan talking like Kaz isn’t just right there and can’t hear them

He can definitely hear them

“Once the job is done, Kuwei—and any other convicts, Grisha, and disinherited youths who may or may not have prices on their heads—can lie low in the Southern Colonies.”

Jesper frowned. “Where will you be?”

“Right here. I’ve still got plenty of business that requires my attention.”

There he goes

Getting everyone their money and then just pushing them all away

Though Kaz’s tone was easy, Matthias heard the dark anticipation in his words. He had often wondered how people survived this city, but it was possible Ketterdam would not survive Kaz Brekker.

Some of Matthias’ thoughts about Kaz are such bangers

“Kuwei cleared his throat. “I would prefer to go to Ravka.”

“I’d prefer a pair of sable-lined swimming trunks,” said Jesper. “But we can’t always get what we want.”

I love Jesper so much

“Do you really think an antidote is possible?” Nina asked.

“I don’t know,” said Kuwei. “My father was a Fabrikator. I am just an Inferni.”

“You’re our chemist, Wylan,” said Nina hopefully. “What do you think?”

Wylan shrugged. “Maybe. Not all poisons have an antidote.”

Jesper snorted. “That’s why we call him Wylan Van Sunshine”

Ah the famous Wylan Van Sunshine quote

And wouldn’t you know it’s Jesper being sarcastic

There was a long, tense pause, then Kaz ran a gloved thumb over the crease of his trousers and said, “Nina, love, translate for me? I want to make sure Kuwei and I understand each other.”

“Kaz—” she said warningly.

Kaz shifted forward and rested his hands on his knees, a kind older brother offering some friendly advice.

The very worst older brother you could ever have

Sorry Kaz but it’s true..

I was about to say the speech he gives Kuwei isn’t so terrifying but uh.. I was wrong

It’s pretty awful actually

“You are a stolen painting, Kuwei. Too recognizable to sell on the open market, too valuable to leave lying around. You are worthless to me.”

Like.. yikes

This is why they all worry you’d leave them bleeding out in a ditch if it suited you, Kaz-

“Kuwei responded in Shu. She hesitated. “He says you’re cruel.”

“I’m pragmatic. If I were cruel, I’d give him a eulogy instead of a conversation. So, Kuwei, you’ll go to the Southern Colonies, and when the heat has died down, you can find your way to Ravka or Matthias’ grandmother’s house for all I care.”

“Leave my grandmother out of this,” Matthias said.”

No you’re definitely cruel Kaz but uh.. okay-

The grandmother comments are making me cackle though

Oh my gosh this is so perfect actually since we know that Calahan’s real grandma watches the show!

“Okay Cal, I have watched 5 and 6 and you are still in prison! 😳”

That is a real text Calahan got from his grandma about season 2 of the show

The knife that had killed Muzzen had been meant for Matthias, and the Fjerdans might well be responsible. The drüskelle. His brothers. They’d wanted him to die without honor, murdered in an infirmary bed. It was a death fit for a traitor. It was the death he had earned. Now Matthias owed Muzzen a blood debt, but how would he ever pay it?

I was just thinking about the guy they left at hellgate the other day 😬

But if the drüskelle killed a guy helpless in a prison cell it’s no surprise what happens to Matthias later…

Also I think Muzzen and Jesper must have been friends… he’s the most upset by his death

Jes was sad about Big Bolliger last book too

“There’s something else,” said Rotty. “Someone’s kicking up dust looking for Jesper.”

“His creditors will have to wait,” said Kaz, and Jesper winced.

“No,” Rotty said with a shake of his head. “A man showed up at the university. Jesper, he claims he’s your father.”

Ooh

Here comes Mr. Fahey!!

Colm! I like Colm

First | Previous | Next

[national-sorscha-fanpage]

i literally just closed crooked kingdom and i know that this is one of those books that i will be forced to reabsorb myself into, that i'll have to reread to truly appreciate from a writing pov. because *wow*.

(riddled w spoilers it is not worth reading this post if you plan on reading ck later im begging u to scroll)

all i want to say right now is that the last scene with kaz and inej was so perfectly written. i am so happy that they didn't get the conventional fantasy ending. that their wounds didn't just go away, that kaz still flinched when inej clasped her hand in his. i think it's also beautiful to see kaz's way of showing his love for her, because he knew he couldn't give her what she wanted physically, but he sure as hell could find her parents and buy her a ship and teach her that maybe hope isn't worthless AKSKDNJDJIRDIISISISJDJDJD i swear i love more things ab this book than kanej

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

1, 2, 3

1) Favourite crow?

Impossible question I’m afraid

2) Favourite non-crow character?

I feel like I have a few options here but maybe Colm Fahey? I think he’s really interesting and very well written, and it’s incredibly heartwarming that he wasn’t the perfect father but he knows he made mistakes and would do anything to try to fix them but at the end of the day he loves his son and would move heaven and earth for him and that’s wonderful he’s trying so hard to be better every day and we love him for it well done Colm

3) Were you immediately pulled in or did it take you a minute to get into the story?

So funny story considering how much I actually like chapter 1 now, but when I first picked up Six of Crows it was a present from my wonderful sister and I read the first chapter and I was intrigued but not fully hooked. I started the second chapter very confused about what was going on, ended up putting the book on the side and leaving it for at least a month. It wasn’t until I mentioned the book in passing to one of my friends and she, having just finished it and begun Crooked Kingdom, excitedly encouraged me to read it that I did. I picked it up from where I’d got to without rereading the first chapter and for a while before I started all my rereads could not for the life of me remember who Joost was every time I saw someone in the fandom referencing him. (I didn’t start rereading six of crows to the extent that I do now until I’d finished Rule of Wolves 3 or 4 months later) The second time I picked the book up it had hold of me and would not let me go, I was as utterly obsessed from that moment onwards as I have been for the past 2 and a half years. I guess the first time I started it just wasn’t the right time but I am so overjoyed that I went back to it because… well, look at me now. So in summary, if you’re looking for someone to blame for the sheer insanity of my obsession with this book then blame my friend and my sister I take no responsibility 😂

[lightningandfireinmybones]

Take your time bestie ❤️ i have some stuff to write too, but its not a fanfic (never wrote one bc im afriad it would suck), its a scientific article and the other its a case/experience description

Are you reading anything right now? Im really into books and curious about them hihihi

Hiiiiiii bestie!!! The scientific article sounds hard as hell I’m so impressed!!! We love a smart queen!!! Pls tell me more I love learning about new things

Okay so I actually DEVOURED this book on kindle unlimited recently, read the whole thing on a plane ride yesterday, it was the serpent and the wings of night by Carissa broadbent and IM TRYING TO WAIT SO PATIENTLY FOR THE SEQUEL THAT COMES OUT ON FRIDAY!

Other books I’m reading: (I read like 4 at a time pls don’t @ me)

-rereading crooked kingdom by Leigh Bardugo in honor of a potential six of crows show

-jasmine throne by Tasha suri

-severance by Ling ma (a masterpiece!!!)