#repressed rage and control issues?? never heard of her

[distort-opia]

Its moments like these that you start to regret relating to joker, stuff starts hitting close to home. Damn you joker and your compelling lack of healthy world views and emotional problems in regards of batman that appeal only to me >:(

This made me realize, people who like batjokes can be seperated into two categories:

Those who relate to bruce (yikes)

And those who relate to joker (also yikes)

Lmfao, this really made me laugh =)) Yeah... They're both very troubled individuals, you can't stan either of them and not tell on yourself a little bit.

[symphonic-scream]

Did I ever post about my JJK Persona au? A JJK as Persona AU?

If I didn't, well, here it is

JJK Persona AU

It's not fully based on one game more than the other, but the Dungeon mechanic is based on P4, with a more modern and Tokyo based overworld like P5, but. Timeline and boss escalation are kinda P3?

That's. I can discuss that if anyone is actually interested let's just get into the gang, with their arcana and shit

So our Fool, it's Yuuji Itadori. After the death of his grandfather, he's moved into a "temporary" foster with a salary man named Nanami Kento, starts at this small school halfway up the mountain, and he's warned, hella warned to come right home after school

He. Forgets. And maybe swallows a tarot card.

That's how his wildcard aspect works. He finds more tarot as he and his party delve deeper into the "memory zone" beneath their school, only accessible through a twisted mirror. However, on full moons, when stronger shadows crawl up to the highest floors and risk escape, he can't summon his persona

Instead, when he tries, he gets a special status. And instead of his persona, he summons the Big Bad, Sukuna, who controls his actions and sometimes attacks his teammates

Anyways. Let's talk about the others

To enter the mirror world, they have to accept their "memoric self", which is. My fancy way of saying their most hidden innermost self, like their false mask dissolves. Typically this isn't a smooth thing

In the case of the first party member, Nobara Kugisaki, she heard music drawing her closer. She convinces Yuuji and Megumi Fushiguro to come with her, back to school, at night and check it out. And she lifts the sheet off the mirror and freezes

What she sees isn't her perfectly crafted image. It's not even her "minor" rage issues. It's herself, arms and legs strapped down to a chair or something. Restrained. Uh and after that uh. Heavy "repressed lesbian" vibes. Inner Nobara is a bit of a perv??

It's about even how she's free from the country, she's still letting that ideology hold her back. Like she's not *ashamed* of being gay but,, she remembers the comments when she considers hitting on someone. Or tried to reciprocate the flirting of that hot ass second year

And she has to face that part of her and gets her persona and has to recover, and ahem maybe kisses a girl-

But her arcana is the Empress!

She lives in school accommodations. Tiny dorm apartment. The faculty in charge is Akari Nitta

I don't have those mirror plans for the others but I have their like, situations!

Megumi is living with his adopted dad and teacher, Gojo Satoru. Gojo finds the trio the morning after their first full moon and tells them the deals. Cause he and his friends dealt with it before and "held off" Sukuna, losing his old love in the process

Megumi is the Moon Arcana, and Gojo is a social link, the Tower

Joining the team next is Megumi's cousin and Nobara's girlfriend, Maki [Redacted]. Last name change is pending. She and her sister have been in foster care for years, but were never totally healthy. Long story short, Mai needs a new kidney at some point and Maki gives her one. Mai is still sickly and a little immuno-compromised, and Maki- she ends up type 1 diabetic and

Two sick kids in foster care? That's a doomed situation. They know it. Mai's been mad about Maki giving her that kidney since. Okay anyways Megumi asks Gojo to adopt his cousins and Gojo has a Better Idea

Anyways. Maki and Mai's moms are Shoko Ieiri and Utahime Iori. Maki plans to take Shoko's surname and Mai is taking Utahime's

Okay sorry sorry Maki is Strength and Mai is a social link, the Devil. Utahime isn't a social link as of now, but Shoko is Death

Next teammate is Toge Inumaki, Hanged Man. Then it's a second year nicknamed "Panda", he's the Chariot

Their final teammate is Yuuta Okkotsu. The Lovers.

Some others I have are Miwa, Sun, and Momo, Star. Aoi Todo is the Magician, and I'll think of more for later?

Incase I didn't say it Nanami is the Hierophant.

But Tokyo and Kyoto students are at the same school but different classes (1A vs 1B)

--

ANYWAYS YEAH IF YOU HAVE IDEAS AND SHIT HIT ME UP I WANNA MAKE THIS A BETTER THING, MORE FILLED OUT

I only have some more minor bits, like with Maki and Mai, and the GFs.

[voluptuarian]

“Medieval” Media on TV checklist

It’s in the UK. They can name it whatever they want, but it’s supposed to be the UK. (And not anywhere specific either-- is it Cornwall, Yorkshire, Aberdeen? None of the above, and also all.) So of course, it was filmed in Hungary, Croatia, and 2 French castles. Also it’s always winter because in medieval-fantasy-old-times-England it was always winter, always cold and gray, and always muddy, because of Christianity. Or something.

Paganism stand-in religion that is free-love-feminism-horned-god-bambi-rainbow-divine-feminine-oh-goddess!-silver-ravenwolf-glitter-farts and gives you magic powers and probably Disney Princess animal-handling skills. Clergy are female except for the only relevant character who is male and also probably Merlin, wear woad and Ren faire face paint, and are free of dogma or structure despite somehow having once governed. Now pushed into the shadows by “new” Christianity stand-in that hunts followers of the “old” religion as heretics.

Grimdark and repressive Christianity stand-in that rules with a patriarchal iron first and has made everyone miserable. Inexplicably Protestantism-based and Evangelical-inspired. Despite claiming to be medieval, no mention of Mary, Saints, feast days, pilgrimage, mystery plays, music, rosaries or medals, icons or relics, or probably even confession-- if you get lucky somebody might mention a Nail of the Cross or have communion. None of the clergy really believe unless they’re zealots, or sympathetic-and-tragically-misguided (and probably self-hating lesbians or something), everyone else is there out of ambition. Unlike the “old” religion, this one has zero divine or magical power and if it appears to have, that will actually come from demons-- who are real, although “new” God isn’t. Exists just to police sex and personal expression, self-flagellate, and guilt trip characters vaguely about “sin” without providing any discussion of what level sin it is or how many Hail Mary’s must be said to expatiate it.

Witch hunting mania which combines Renaissance Inquisition with independent early modern Puritan witch finding-- somehow is both Church-sponsored and widespread. Goes after women who are too sexy and independent, women who can read, anyone who believes in birth control, and the protagonist’s mother. Also followers of “old” religion who are usually secretly the above. Anyone caught will be burned at the stake, because hanging isn’t flashy enough.

Corsets as outerwear. Because bodices and corsets are the same thing. And everyone wore their underwear over their clothes. Victorian tightlacing de rigeur to combat wandering wombs and female mobility. If a female character wears armor, it too, is probably a corset. The enlightened heroine finally abandons hers with a feminine gasp of relief-- and no lingering health issues from years of tightlacing-- and her titties stay up anyway because of the Wonderbra she has on underneath.

Priests look like Martin Luther or the Ku Klux Klan. Nuns-- if they exist-- are only there to get killed, possessed, or dominated by male clergy (and possibly squeeze in an ill-fated lesbian romance before doing any of the former). No one has ever heard of an abbess and if you bring the subject up they’ll burn you at the stake.

If there are any Romans, they are exclusively played by Irish or German actors, with crisp Shakespearean accents. If there’s a German, they’re Dutch or Russian. If the “English” characters are actually English, they must be Southerners doing a basic British accent; if not they’re played by Americans doing no accent at all.

Chrome plate armor was all the rage in 500 AD

Despite witnessing the magic of “the old religion” firsthand, and being born and raised in the “new” one, the protagonist is an atheist, and even if he should meet god in person will steadfastly refuse to believe in Him. Because he’s just too cool and enlightened for that.

The plague is ever present, and has no name, since no one needs to define which plague, because there has only ever been the one. Other than starvation or being killed by the Baddie’s henchmen or the Church, it’s the only way anyone has ever died (except for pregnant women, who all die in childbirth.) Symptoms include fever, coughing, concealer appearing inexplicably on the lips, and then a few dramatic final words.

Nobody brushes their teeth because it’s Olde Tymes (incorrect) and nobody takes baths because it’s Satanic (also incorrect) yet every character with the exception of somebody only credited as “Ancient One-Eyed Old Coot” is clean, has shiny hair, no BO, and mouthfuls of big white teeth. Also perfume was never invented in this world, and the only beverage is water, mostly drunk from the hands at random streams, which are never mucked up or disease-carrying.

All the peasants dress in throw blankets and the remnants of Water World’s costuming department in a color range going from “Black Death” to “Dun”, accessorized with warts and fresh mud. The nobles meanwhile, drowning in money and with trade access to China dress like they were sent to The Wall, with the exception of “sexy slut” character who wears magenta crushed velvet off-the-shoulder gowns, and the only gay guy in the movie, who has slashed sleeves in 1350 and is one gold chain away from a rap career.

During interviews the cast will all say how they “wouldn’t have survived in medieval times” with all the mud and disease and sexual repression and they would have probably been “burned at the stake” for reading or swearing. The women fulfill their contractual obligation to complain about their corsets, yet another reason they would have died in “medieval times”. Somebody mentions the plague.

The harvest will be burned a dozen times, all the livestock will be slaughtered, the populace will end up homeless and starving, (which will of course, only concern the protagonist, who must dutifully share a crust of plain bread with some toothless vagrant) but once The Baddie is slain peace will return to the land and the infrastructure will magically rebuild itself, miraculously re-planting fields and restocking larders. Also it’s Spring now.

[constellaj]

I will pay you up front if you can rewrite the Urban Jungle episode. Please, I am begging you

I love undergrowth and his character but the episode was just, awful

*Alright* I am going to approach this as if it is part of the original series; I won’t be making it stupid gay, changing the overall tone or messaging of the story, making it any rating past pg-13, etc etc

with that in mind: urban jungle feels like the episode where danny and sam should have started dating (going with sam x danny to fit with the ‘original series but good’ angle). the line “i always thought you ruled” is fucking banger so what we’re going to do is extend that out into the actual theme of the ep: sam and self-esteem

sam has friction between tuck already (vegetarian vs meat eater) and in the beginning of the ep we also are gonna bump up the friction between her and danny, with how she thinks his powers should be used for good and how he just wants a break etc etc. sam gets really caught up in activism and her friends kind of snap at her for it due to burnout, so they break up what was going to be a group movie night and sam goes back to her house alone while danny and tuck go to danny’s place.

i don’t want undergrowth to magically appear, and I don’t even need it to be anything to do with urbanization necessarily; instead let’s take a popular fan theory of summoning and combine it with the premise of the episode ‘what you want,’ where tucker gets ghost powers. let’s say that sam, while digging into the occult, is like ‘if i had ghost powers/plant powers/could drive out oil industries i would in a heartbeat’ and learns about a ghost she can summon (undergrowth). danny and tuck are busy playing doomed while she does this. undergrowth takes one look at her and is like “ohoho, i can tell you love plants just so much.” he will be manipulating her and preying on her rage and feelings of inadequacy for the majority of this episode

cool, undergrowth is here now. let’s keep the enslaving-people-into-plant-zombies thing, but instead of instantaneous let’s make it a little scarier, with creeping roots sinking into the water source and slowly moving through amity, bit by bit. danny is unaffected cause he’s a ghost, and he and tucker manage to realize something’s up with the fentons before tucker gets zombified too. they’ll run to check if sam is okay, and on first glance they’ll think she’s been zombied, but of course she isn’t in the same way everyone else is. she’s a host body for undergrowth, and she’s actually actively repressing his possession (shes had a lot of practice, working alongside danny), and she’s super bitter about literally everything they’re doing and kicks them out.

it has to be shown earlier in the episode that sam feels like a lot of what she does is performative/etc and that danny and tuck are in the wrong with treating her sorta like garbage.

i’m cutting the ice powers cause that’s dumb. instead we’ll have danny and tuck working together to try and find a solution, and learning (probably through old fenton records or tucker being smart) that liquid nitrogen can get rid of undergrowth until summoned again, so they have to go all the way back to the lab at casper high and hook up some machine or other to clear the town. (retroactively, let’s make one of the earlier arguments between them and sam take place during a lab, and throw in a sidebar about liquid nitrogen; lancer saying that it should be here, dash and kwan fucking around with it, danny just touching it cause hes ghost, etc, something like that) 

as they progress undergrowth/sam starts putting spores out, meaning tucker’s also getting infected, all while theyre fighting back these different plant people all in the town. plant people still retain some of their original personality and stuff as a joke though. insert joke about plant-paulina zombie-lumbering towards Phantom, creakily going “how about a kisss” and danny just, morphs back into Fenton, and she goes “ew. gross” and leaves. that kind of thing. it’s a lot of strategy and we get to see other characters interacting in a pseudo-dreamworld with danny and tucker, and a lot should focus on self-esteem or making them feel bad to drive the point home

also what needs to be shown earlier is sam’s crush on danny.

during the progression danny has to be getting really worked up about this and eventually let slip ‘and can you believe i was going to ask her to [x event, movie, dance, etc]’ and tucker like, balks. tucker says ‘she has had a crush on you for like two years man’ and danny is like “WHAT” and now, encouragement to get things done faster. course then dramatically tucker gets turned into a plant. here we learn that the plant people are mouthpieces of sam’s self esteem issues right cause tucker just goes “well why would you like her. she’s a sweaty goth girl. she’s too loud. she’s so bossy” which are all things that sam would have said about herself/danny would have said about sam earlier when they were fighting

so danny rushes to the school and grabs the liquid nitrogen but uh-oh, of course undergrowth/sam is already there ready to stop him. something something she probably heard his conversation with tucker through another plant person, maybe valerie on a hoverboard. anyway she wants to possess danny and make him a plant person and we get the “together we can rule / I always thought you ruled” line that was the only good part in the og episode. this inspires sam to break out of the undergrowth mindset partially but, naturally, she was just a pawn for undergrowth who’s been preying on her self-esteem issues this whole time, and so now he’s like “ugh well if you’re not easy to manipulate what’s the point. i have to take over the entire planet with plants now bye”

epic fight scene with danny and sam working together to blast the man with liquid nitrogen while sam slowly gets possessed/plantified. something something something, they run out of nitrogen before sam gets totally planted, ghost breath is very cold (also needs to be referenced earlier). it’s probably tucker’s idea, but danny gets to do a magic kiss so she comes back.

it’s super awkward and she punts him at first. but then on for the rest of the series they actually ARE dating and there’s no more weird back and forth drama about things. danny’s ‘ice powers’ are now just being able to slightly control his body temperature (jokes later on about him faking sick by artificially making a low temp). sam is never once weirdly sexualized and instead she’s lashing out because she thinks her friends don’t care about her as much as they care about each other. undergrowth isn’t giving sam special treatment, she just happened to be the easiest pawn to reach

[iamnightduchess]

Hai Queen, can you make HC of ReiKasa's secret fetishes? (Lmao I'm so embarrassed) or if they uhm BDSM, what will they do?

Hello luv, thank you for the Ask! Happy belated birthday in advance. I am so sorry for the delayed wish 🙏 Here's hoping this will be a good belated gift for you 💖

Reiner x Mikasa (ReiKasa) Extremely Kinky Sexy Times Modern AU (R20+) Headcanon #12

(A/N: ‼️WARNING‼️Graphic/Explicit Description of very dirty smut with potentially provocative images ⛔ Please don't click Keep Reading if you're below 20 🙅‍♀️ Sorry kiddos! To my more adult readers, please absorb this post's content with appropriate discretion & maturity)

Ring the alarm because it's going to get extremely fiery in this zone 😳🔥🔥🔥 If i'm going to horny jail, I'm taking you guys with me haha

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Reiner & Mikasa have a very comfortable (and vanilla) sex life. However, they do have some secret kinks that they share behind closed doors. The kinks are only discovered after they've been together for at least half a year based on the trust they have built through their relationship. Reiner and Mikasa would at least go on between 10-15 dates before they become intimate with each other & exploring the more physical aspects of their relationship. These two don't f**k. They make love; slow, tantric, gazing into each other's eye kind of loving. When their bodies fuse, so do their souls.

BUT, after months of getting comfortable with each other's bodies, that is when they know they are both ready to bring in more colors into their sex life and ready to take it to the next level. It takes some time on Mikasa's end because this woman has some insecurities with the way her body is built. Yet Reiner helps her build her confidence a lot by giving her the space and the time she needs to truly let herself go with him and he is the kind of man that embraces HER body type the way she is. But if Reiner could describe Mikasa's body with one word, it'll be with heaven-sent.

Secret Fetishes

Muscle Kinks (Both)

No, not the literal muscle kink 🤣 Mikasa admires Reiner's body very much - his strong and sturdy shoulders and his large Nordic build reminds her of the statue of Ares she had once saw in Greece. His biceps are her most favorite go-to body parts of his (during sex especially) when she wants to sneak in quick affectionate touches, kisses or squeezes (apart from his butt!). Mikasa expresses her feelings better through touches. Let's just say she can't keep her hands away from his a$$ when they're in private. Reiner has also learned to know that the tighter her grip is on his biceps while he's inside of her, it means he's hitting her sweet spots just right.

Meanwhile for Reiner, he doesn't have a very specific favorite on Mikasa because he loves every part of her! Although he's developed an affinity for her breasts and abs. He'd jokingly say that he'll eat off her body if he could (like those kinky sushi bars haha) 😏 But, to Mikasa, Reiner knows exactly how to suck her soul out of her body through certain sensitive points of hers using his sinful lips.

Fellatio (Reiner)

Like most men, Reiner loves getting blowjobs. He finds himself in bliss yet being extremely defeated every time Mikasa goes down on him. This woman, apart from having a pair of strong grips, rather unexpectedly, has a strong jaw muscle and exceptional gag reflex control. She swallows too ;) He'd almost instantaneously comes when she pulls double jobs on him (mouth & breasts) at the same time. He also loves running his fingers through her hair and seeing the intensity in her gaze when they lock eyes while he's deep inside her mouth. Mikasa devours him like she would with her favorite ice-cream: lots of tongue, sucking and loads of slurping.

Cunnilingus (Mikasa)

Mikasa isn't a very loud lover but only Reiner is able to make her whimper helplessly with his mouth and fingers. Reiner sucks so well (pun intended) that she'll end up being a heaving mess when he's done with her. Mikasa has become an acquired taste for Reiner. He knows exactly the right amount of pressure to apply using his tongue and teeth on that sensitive spot of hers until he drinks her dry. These two love the receiving and giving aspect of their lovemaking. So, yes, they enjoy doing the 34+35 a lot ;)

Mild Kink - Foreplay, hair pulling, loads of biting & scratching (both)

As referenced in this post, Reiner & Mikasa are both biters. He likes pulling her hair if he takes her from behind and she'll grip his back or his arms so hard that her nails would always break his skin if he's taking her in missionary. BUT, the sweetest part of their lovemaking is always their foreplay. Reiner loves running his fingers along her thighs, hips and back and takes pride when he can make her shiver with tiny prickling goosebumps on her skin. That way, he knows he's making her feel really good. Also, when he gets her all wet and gushy. *Bixby, play WAP by Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion 😳

Asphyxiation (both)

We're almost getting into BDSM territory. Depending on their mood for lovemaking, Reiner and Mikasa injects a li'l bit of mild asphyxiation while they're in deep penetration mode; just a little bit & not too much. They have a strong level of trust between them that they've never accidentally gripped too hard on or hurt the other. Their safe word for this: ACE.

Roleplay (Both)

Even after years of being together (even after the children comes into the picture), Reiner and Mikasa enjoys frequent roleplaying. Usually takes place during their wedding anniversaries to keep their marriage fresh and spicy. From pretending to be strangers meeting in a hotel bar, to hot plumber and the sexy housewife and to reliving their highschool tropes, these two have no qualms in putting on some disguises while getting their freak on.

Public Sex (Reiner) / Risk-taker (Mikasa)

Now, Mikasa is an extremely private, introverted person and her definition of public is more of having the risk of being heard of than the location itself. At the beginning of their exploratory phase, the furthest location beyond the bedroom that she's ever been comfortable in would be their house kitchen in broad daylight.

Even then, she'd be the one who'd make the first move because Reiner once shared that it'll be interesting to try sneaking a quickie when/where they're not supposed to.

Reiner wears reading glasses when he works at home and Mikasa always finding herself feeling a little turned on when he does. There's just something inexplicably sexy when she sees her gorgeous man getting all engrossed in serious work mode.

One time, Reiner was in a Zoom call with Magath and his Warrior unit and suddenly his woman just walks out of their bedroom with nothing but his tshirt on, sans underwear. Mikasa intentionally reaches for things in the top shelf and bending over the kitchen counter a little bit more than usual just to tease him. Well, it worked and he had to maintain a straight face when his vidcam is still on with his raging hard-on or while she's sucking him off from underneath their kitchen table. As soon as the Zoom call ends, Mikasa's getting the pounding, I mean, the punishment that she deserves.

There was also that one time when he was in an online gaming party with Armin, Jean and Connie, while an almost naked Mikasa was riding him hard at the same time. The boys still couldn't explain why Reiner was suddenly silent in-game (he said his mic was being weird) and why he was voluntarily sacrificing his character repeatedly while they're in the middle of a boss fight during that session haha

If they're in the kitchen, expect some edibles to add on a little more spice such as ice on his pecs and abs as well as whipping cream all over hers.

BDSM (Both) - including Blindfold, Bondage, Spanking, Dom & Sub subtext

Reiner is a man of strict discipline and Mikasa is a woman with a fixed routine but their sex life reflects both authority and flexibility that balances with their pre-planned kink-exploration techniques. Reiner and Mikasa both take turns to be the giver and receiver. Seriously, the level of trust and carnal attraction between these two are phenomenal.

When she's the one receiving, Mikasa would surrender all of her self control to Reiner's hands and hot damn, when this man is in his dominating mode, Mikasa would end up screaming and biting into the pillow because Reiner can be extremely firm in delaying her gratification. Playing with her like a skilled musician would to his instrument, Reiner knows how Mikasa's body works and responds to his touch. He likes raising her limits higher every time.

This man can be scary manipulative when he's the dom and he will leave her begging for his mercy. He has amazing hands made for comforting massages and well, orgasmic spanking. Their safe word when he's the Dom: DIAMONDS.

Reiner tried addressing himself as 'Daddy' with Mikasa one time before spanking her. Needless to say, she ended up rolling on the bed laughing. That session failed gloriously. She'll made a point, however, to use that specific endearment years down the lane as their secret keyword in front of their kids when Mummy's in the mood for some heavy bonding with Daddy 🙈 In the end, she still calls him 'Daddy' for sex? 🤷‍♀️ orz

When he's the one receiving, he will be the most hard-to-break sub and lucky for him, Mikasa is a persistent dom. He loves it when he can let go and just be fully vulnerable with her. She will make him kneel, she will make him beg and Reiner loves it when she takes control over him.

He pretended to resist against his restraints even more just so she would inflict on him harder. Although, Reiner has some underlying emotional issues and has some repressed self-aggression with innate desires that need to be 'reprimanded' in a sense. He's a physically strong figure in the public eye but he is emotionally and psychologically vulnerable due to some issues that began in his childhood that was only addressed professionally later on in his young adult life. He also has some attrition to pain that needs to be channeled safely and Mikasa is the only woman who he can be open and honest with, who has strong impenetrable limits to receive and hard resolve to inflict on him when he truly needs it. Their safe word when she's the dom: SPADES.

Usually, after a very intense session, these two would soothe each other with a long, warm embrace or just hold each other for far longer in the showers before pulling themselves back into their neutral zone. They'll usually slip into something much more comfortable afterwards with some comfort food, weighted blanket and streaming services. Reiner and Mikasa both are physically and emotionally built perfectly for each other that it's so surreal. Their bond, love and trust just run even deeper with each passing day that he believes when they sleep, their souls would still be looking for each other.

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Sorry it got even longer than I expected but I had super fun thinking & working on this! Thank you so much for the Ask & I hope you've had a memorable celebration this year ❤ xoxo

[katerinawinters]

Predator: Huntress Alpha Chapter 6

(in my mind this is how Justice looks)

Jarak's claws clicked quietly against the control console as he set the ship's coordinates back to Ojibwe. Pulling up the radar, he set the constant sweep to a much wider circumference. If anyone or anything came near the ship, he would be alerted. It was a setting he had never activated before, but with the woman and child on board his ship, Jarak would make the exception.

 Turning away from the controls, he stood up and paused. Looking across the short bridge into the ship's deck, he watched the two females sleep soundly. Laying on her back, the fat human baby slept with both arms up and her fists balled on either side of her head. Watching her stomach move up and down as she breathed, Jarak could tell that the child was sleeping deeply--just like her mother. Silently, Jarak took another step forward, clicking the datapad on his gauntlet and lowering the ship's lights until it was nearly pitch black. Jarak watched as the woman's brow relaxed from its frown and her breathing deepen. Using her extended arm as a cushion, the woman held onto the rifle's strap at the far end of the bed while her other hand lay protectively on the child's chest.

 Out of curiosity, Jarak reached for his mask attached to his belt and lifted it to his face. Peering through the mask's eyeholes, he confirmed what he witnessed earlier on the planet. Unlike a normal human, this woman shined bright like a white star under his thermal readouts. Glancing at the child, he scanned her and found her readouts pulse normally with reds and yellows. She was unlike her mother.

 Having received an alert of a new outbreak of xenomorphs, Jarak had gone to that planet to hunt down a juvenile xenomorph queen, he was not expecting to find a known open file. He had been climbing the domed outside of the air filtration building when he looked down to see the bright star pass him. Changing the display in his mask, Jarak watched the woman move with tactical grace and precision across the colony. Changing course, he followed her taking in every detail of her until he could finally remember why the heavily modified human intrigued him so, there was an incomplete file sitting in Ojibwe's records about this type of woman. Twenty women, to be exact, all modified down to their bones and ligaments, all highly skilled in combat. Pulling up the record as he followed her to the rectangular dormitory building Jarak had read the mostly empty file and stopped at the instructions at the bottom: apprehend at all cost.

 Reading the file's limited data as he pursued her, Jarak could see her shoulders stiffen and realized with satisfaction the reports were true about her. Looking over her shoulder, bright purple inhuman eyes shined as she scanned her surroundings. She knew she was being watched. Forgetting completely about his initial mission, Jarak followed the woman with growing interest. Getting closer to her, Jarak had blinked in surprise as he realized there was something beneath the alien carapace she kept strapped to her chest. Moments later, the child's cries not only confirmed his assumption, but the child eventually gave him the opportunity he needed to redirect the woman back to him. For nearly forty-eight hours, he had followed her and watched. He watched her hide and scan the terrain as she slowly made her way towards a particular building. Biding his time, he waited until she made her move.

 Coming up behind her just as she accessed the building's ladder, he paused at the chittering sounds echoing in the darkness. Long black cylindrical heads appeared over the roof's edge, and the woman paused. With slow turns of their heads, the xenomorphs communicated in silent hisses with one another as the woman accessed her worsening odds from above and below. Letting the xenomorph pass him in the darkness, Jarak looked up at the woman's expression. For a brief second, he could see the maternal fear in her eyes shine past the purple and white circuitry in her eyes before cold resolve engulfed it. She would make it out of this situation, he thought, but he saw no reason to risk her nor the screaming child's safety. Taking one step forward, Jarak grabbed the barbed black tail of the alien and yanked it back until it was pulled off its feet and forced to follow its attacker's motion as he swung it around. Hitting the other side of the wall with a shrieking screech, the xenomorph flailed and scrambled its limbs to find purchase on the ground so it could attack, but Jarak activated his cannon blaster. As he shot the remaining xenomorphs, he watched as the woman abandoned her mission of getting in the infested building and run off into the desert.

 Now, here she was lying in his bed, a feature he never once used on his ship, sleeping deeply. Looking between the woman and the child, Jarak lowered his mask and reattached it back to his belt. There were few similarities between the two females. The child's soft skin was a lighter shade of brown than her mother's, whose skin was dark, signifying her people, wherever she was from, lived close to their planet's equator. Her hair, unlike the child's short wispy curls, was braided into many long rope-like braids that were secured into a ball at the top of her head. Looking at the sleeping child, Jarak remembered her brown eyes staring up at him as her mother cleaned and changed her. Were the woman's eyes once brown, or were they a trait from the father? Looking back at the woman, he examined the muscles in her arms as she slept and recalled her height. What kind of human man did this woman find suitable enough to mate? Where was this mate? Who were these "demons" she referred to chasing her? From the little information they had on file for her kind, was she not more than capable of dealing with the issue rather than running?  Frustrated at his lack of answers and the surge of new questions at every turn, Jarak turned on his heel with an annoyed growl buried in his chest. He would never understand humans.

 Going back to the cockpit, he sat down in his chair and looked back to the sleeping woman, he was not sure what to do with her. The scientists that worked deep in the bowels of Ojibwe, separated from the rest of their society, would want her and the child for themselves; he knew that for certain. Finally, obtaining a live subject to the mystery file that had remained empty for years would be something they would not pass up on. Their research would be akin to torture. Looking to the child, whose small foot shifted and kicked softly into the air, Jarak could feel the repressed growl in his chest deepen. There was no honor among the scientist, a sentiment all yautja hunters shared. Jarak would not let them have her or the tall woman, he decided. He had given his word that no harm would come to them, and besides, he thought with the tilt of his head, thinking of the woman's proud and determined expression as she had stared back at him without fear, he found himself intrigued by her. He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to see these combat skills rumored in the lacking report. He wanted to fight her.

 ~~

 He was cleaning the alien queen's head when he heard the keening noise. Looking up, Jarak listened as the discontented cries grew louder. Grabbing the decapitated head, he placed it back into the specially lined sack. The traces of xenomorph blood still left inside the skull would not eat through the sack and onto the ship. Cleaning his hands, he stepped away from the small work area of his ship and around the corner to the common area.  

 Awake and squirming, the human infant cried, looking at her mother's face above her in angry desperation. Tiny fat fists pummeled the air as her body jerked in her rage. Calmly, Jarak stared at the child's reddening face and back to the sleeping woman--she did not stir. Lifting his gauntlet, he typed into the datapad and stared at the holographic data that pulled up in response. Reading the list, Jarak dropped his arm and stared back at the child who had turned herself over onto her stomach. By now, her whole body was tense with anger, and her cries had become ceaseless in their anguish. With little choice, Jarak stepped forward. Reaching over the woman, Jarak carefully removed the black gun strap from the woman's hand. Considering for a moment, he reached down and grabbed one of the woman's shoulders and watched as the muscles in her sleeping face moved in awareness, but she did not open her eyes. Pulling her forward until he had her sitting up, Jarak sat behind the woman on the bed and let her rest against his chest. The necklace of skulls around his neck jangled as he settled her limp body into the crook of his arm. Looking down at her, Jarak watched as her subconscious tried to fight through her exhaustion. Her eyelids fluttered but never quite opened while the smooth space of skin between her brows furrowed.

 His claws found the tiny metal tab under her chin. Pulling it, he listened and watched as the teeth of the zipper unhooked from each other as he dragged it down to her stomach. Hot, smooth skin revealed itself under the separated material of her top, and Jarak let himself examine the slow movements of her abdominal muscles flex with each breath. Moving his gaze upward, he focused on his targets and reached for the black material covering them. The woman made a noise in her throat, but it was hardly heard over the child's cries. Pulling the cups of fabric that covered her breasts up, he watched from above as her naked, full breasts bounced free. Turning his head, he looked to the child and carefully slid his hand underneath her. Jarak could feel his pulse quicken as the soft baby body slid past his sharp claws inch by inch. The child was much too small and very fragile. How did humans survive this stage?

 With her soft stomach in the palm of his hand, he carefully lifted the crying child and brought her around to his and the woman's front. As if driven by a surge of maternal instinct, the woman's eyes shot open as he transferred the screaming child onto her back and into his other hand.

 The white rings he noticed in the woman's eyes earlier were now shining bright, nearly drowning out the purple of her eyes. Staring closely as his hands continued to position the child, Jarak could see the fine filaments within glisten around the white rings.

  "What are you…" There was a resonating quality to her tone but was cut off just as Jarak positioned the baby closer to her dark nipple.

 Latching on greedily, the child stared up at them both with angry betrayal as she drank from her mother.

 Jarak could feel the sudden understanding relax the woman against him, her stiff frame laying more pliably against him.

 Inhaling, Jarak mentally cataloged the warm scents coming from the woman. Intertwining together, there were two scents that mingled in the air at every rise and fall of her chest. Floral and manmade, the scent of her soap still lingered on her skin, but there was another that piqued at the back of his mind. There was one other scent that he could almost place. Frowning, Jarak looked down past the smooth skin of her exposed collarbone and let his eyes travel slowly over the slopes of her full breasts until his eyes settled on the pair of brown eyes staring at him. Suckling noisily, the infant pushed her fists into the fatty globes of her mother's breast, kneading more of the life giving sustenance out. White, milky residue gathered at the corners of the child's mouth, unknowingly filling the air with more of the scent. Inhaling again, Jarak suppressed the guttural sound forming in his chest. It was milk. The woman smelled of sweetened milk.

 Looking at where she rest against his shoulder, he watched the woman's profile as she stared tiredly down at her child. The slight purple glow of her inhuman eyes were framed in curling black lashes, a feminine feature shrouding something more deadly beneath, a concept that Jarak noticed was carried throughout this woman. From her reinforced skeletal system to the hum of nanites, his mask had picked up running through her veins; this woman was a contradiction to all of his senses. The relaxed weight leaning against him would no doubt react with precise and enhanced speed at any threatening action. Everything about her could change in a matter of seconds, she could answer his lingering questions all at once with just the right provocation. The thought, Jarak realized, was not as tempting as it should be.  Soft and inviting, the woman stared down at her child with a gentle devotion only a mother could possess instead of the hard lines of calculating skepticism she had stared at him with earlier. He would not provoke the woman into a fight, not yet.

 Shifting uncomfortably, the woman turned tiredly against his chest, trying to look over her shoulder. "What's poking me?"

 Pulling his gaze away from the child's never-ending stare and past the woman's waiting one, he looked down between them. Still holding the child with the arm he had wrapped around the woman, Jarak used his free hand and reached around his neck to pull off the trophy necklace as the woman let out a grateful sigh.

 In silence, they continued to sit like that, one leaning against the other as the child suckled at her breast.

 "How did you know what to do with Larsa?" she eventually asked her voice heavy with exhaustion.

 Looking down at her, Jarak watched her body sink deeper against him, her muscles relaxing until she was pliable and soft against his chest.

 "I do not," his tone was measured and deep as he answered. "I looked up the common reasons for a human child's squalling."

 She gave a soft laugh.

 After a while, the woman finally shifted and lifted the child from her breast and placed the fat child against her shoulder, and began to rub her back. Jarak stared down at the child's face, which was now inches from his chest, and watched as she angled her tiny head until she could resume her silent staring at him.

 "You know what and who I am, don't you?" the woman asked, not looking at him.

 Jarak nodded. "Yes"

 "And you're sure your planet is the best option?"

 It was her only option as far as he was concerned.

 "Yes," he answered.

 He could feel one of her shoulders lift in a shrug against him. "All right, big guy, I'll trust you. But if I find that you cannot keep your word and keep me and Larsa safe, everyone's resulting deaths are on you."

 by Katerina Winters

[apocalypsewriters]

Summary: Another one of my OCs tries to comfort Anabella. Does it go well? You'll have to read and see. A couple of things to note! This is set in the Fusion AU (explanation here). Fera is an empath and also has pathokinesis that primarily comes into play when she's overwhelmed, it's not something she controls; she only deals in negative emotions, so life is kinda tough. She is the sunshine I referred to in the tags the other day.

"Bella?"

"Oh, hey Fera." Anabella hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks. She was sitting on a plush mini sofa in the back corner of the library. She took an obvious, shaky breath, trying to compose herself enough to be presentable to others. Hatred from breaking down oozed from her. Fera, who had felt the concentration of the potent emotions from half the library away cocked her head, trying to get a better read on the distressed girl in front of her.

"You're not okay. But you will be," Fera's statement was decisive, as strange as it was.

Bella's forehead crinkled as she considered the brighter girl's words, "Excuse me?"

Fera shrugged, "I'm an empath that helps the school counselor. I know these things, even if I don't want to sometimes."

“Huh. How has your day been?” clearly in uncomfortable territory, Bella attempted to redirect the conversation.

Fera recognized what she was doing, but decided to play along, "Pretty good. We got some seeds that came in for gardening club, and I had a quiz that I think I did okay on. What about you?"

Bella swallowed before replying, carefully monitoring her tone, "Good enough. I had some spare time in study hall to work on a side project that I submitted to a local expo last week for approval." Her voice was low with scattered pauses as she attempted to regain control.

"Have you gotten the results back yet?" sensing she was nearing a part of the issue by emotional surges, she pushed on.

"Yes," Bella's voice was small and thick with unshed tears. She cleared her throat, composing herself again. "I found out about an hour ago. I didn't make it."

"Are you okay with that?" Fera prodded.

Bella's voice shook, "I'm fine." She grew angry at her lack of control.

Fera hid a smirk. As awful as it was, and as unpleasant as it was to battle someone else's inner turmoil, she found some satisfaction in helping people with their problems. Like weeding out a garden, so the nicer plants could grow. "I'll repeat what I said earlier: it's okay not to be okay. And eventually the un okayness will pass." Bella wrinkled her nose at the grammatic fault.

"And you're sure?" Bella's skepticism of Fera was palpable as she eyed her.

"Pretty sure," Fera shrugged again. "Statistically, you know it's true. And I've seen it myself. You'll feel better eventually."

Bella mumbled incoherently against her knees, which were pulled against her chest.

Fera squished in beside her, resting a comforting hand on Bella's back. She silently grimaced as she sensed the broken ball's emotions turn for the worse. Her hand rose and fell on the back beneath her palm.

Bella snapped up, throwing Fera's arm back. "But what if I'm never going to feel better?! People keep saying I will be, but I'm not okay. I don't have a social life -" She cut off Fera as her mouth opened to protest, "It's faked. Any success you see is because of study. No one else studies to talk to their peers. NO ONE SAYS PEERS IN A CASUAL ENVIRONMENT!!” Her fury died down the minute it started, like a raging waterfall collapsing into a slow-moving trickle. “I just… I wish I was normal.” She collapsed into Fera’s embrace, her shoulders shaking with silent tears. Fera ran her fingers through the chestnut brown ringlets cascading just past the jacket-clad shoulders.

Fera started reciting a version of the words she’d heard so many times sitting in, or sitting in on a counselor session, “It’s okay not to be okay. But it’s also okay to ask for help.” A fresh wave of melancholy washed over her as Bella heaved a choked up sigh. “It’s okay to not be perfect, and no one will hate you for that. Talk to one of us before you have another breakdown like this, okay?” She felt the flow of fear and anxiety slow. Going with a hunch, she continued with her soft words, “Repressing your emotions isn’t helpful.” Nothing. The deep well of emotions coming from Bella disappeared. The void was disconcerting. She could almost feel the rumble of deep, uncontrolled discontentment. “It may seem helpful in the moment, but it’s not healthy.” A flash of melancholy broke though, quieted almost immediately. Slowly, Bella rose. Her eyes were still puffy with tears, but she had an expression of measured calm on her face.

“Thank you,” she said simply. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Her voice was rough from the tears, and she felt her emotional wall slipping, but she pushed past, denying it. Her footsteps echoed through the nearly empty library as she walked towards the exit. As the sun hit her, she almost believed the calm and content façade she kept up. Almost. She’d have to talk to Fera again. Sometime. Someday when she had time to dedicate to more trivial things in life, like emotions. Someday.

[pokeshits]

here’s my 2 year late Guzmeria headcanon (Pokémon sun/moon)

Let’s start with some In Game backstory..

Guzma had a rough childhood, causing him to run away from home. This is shown in his childhood house along Route 2 where it’s heavily hinted of domestic abuse (more so in the Japanese and German versions). It shows bent golf clubs as well. On the second floor of the house, you find Guzmas bed and a table covered in his old trophies. The trophies are all bronze and silver, showing that Guzma may have been good, but never quite good enough. If you lay on Guzmas bed, a dialogue pops up stating how the bed seems like it “hasn’t been used in a while”, meaning Guzma rarely returned home.

Guzma not being good enough in the trophies aligns with how he was never strong enough to be Trial Captain before he became too old.

This mistreatment caused Guzma to run away and form Team Skull. Bringing together fellow misfits (the Grunts), he figured this was the only way to show his strength. Team Skull was for people who never quite made the cut, and Guzma wanted a home for people just like him.

Guzma never had anyone who really believed in him until he used his power to strike fear. All his grunts knew how powerful he was, and anyone who doubted his power was quickly put in their place. (i’ve heard secondhand he’s quite physically abusive to the grunts in the manga). He has anger issues from being doubted by his Father as a kid, and the only way to be “in control” of them is by maintaining some sort of power over everyone around him

Even Guzmas chair has been beaten many times by his fists, showing his uncontrollable anger (towards the grunts or other people in his way).

Guzma also put himself down after each battle by shouting at himself. Obviously some self hatred there.

Now this brings up the topic of Lusamine.

Plumeria says that Lusamine is “the only adult who ever seemed to see how strong he was”. With Guzma being doubted by his father, it only makes sense that he’d be eager to impress anyone with his power, especially an older parental figure. This is the first time someone Guzma looked up to actually showed interest in him, which is why he was so eager to let the Aether Foundation use Team Skull. Lusamine validates Guz in ways no one else could, and Lusamine knew and took advantage of this.

However, after finding out Lusamine only was using Team Skull for the Ultra Beasts, Guz was left with some trust issues.

Not only did his parents “betray” him, but so did the only other adult he had. This only made his anger issues worse.

After Guzma and Lusamine get lost in Ultra Space, Plumeria apologizes to you.

She even feels bad enough to give you a Z Crystal afterwards. Despite being part of the Team Skull gang, Plumeria steps up and takes accountability for her actions, unlike Guzma or the grunts ever would.

Once you get to save Guzma from Ultra Space, he lightly shares how he went through some possessive trauma and finally “felt fear”. I guessed this would probably be Lusamine activating some PTSD and/or repressed memories from Guzmas childhood. After Guzma ran away from home, he shut out all bad memories and forced himself to be “Big bad Guzma” rather than a weakling.

The idea of Guzma having big control issues, and preferring to deal with all his problems by physical beatings or verbal abuse. Always needing to be in power.

... but Plumeria is the only one to calm him down and rationalize him. Guzma tends to get out of control with his rage, but Plumeria always calms him down and reminds him that violence isn’t the answer. Guzma is scared of trusting others and opening up, even more so after Lusamine, but he trusts Plumeria. She’s the one person who he knows won’t hurt him, and won’t ever leave him. And he’s willing to be vulnerable to her in every way.

Imagine...

Guz coming home to team skull with tears staining his face and his body trembling with rage, about to pound his fist into a wall... but then he feels Plumes gentle hand on his shoulder, reminding him that everything is going to be okay.

[applesdrowned-a]

PRIDE EDITION !

as  promised   here   are   some   pride   headcanons  .   the  questions  are  from  an   image  i   found  (  revised  for  rp  purposes  )   ,   feel   free  to  use  for  your  own  hcs  !

1. what is your muses sexuality ? : chad is a homoromantic demi-homosexual !

2. what gender does your muse identify as ? : cismale.

3. how long have they been aware of their sexuality and or gender ? : chad knew he was gay pretty much his entire life. he never had to think about it. he just knew "yeah i like boys" and that was that. he got kicked out of private school at age 10 for hospitalizing one of his bullies who called him a gay slur

4. do they have any preferences ? : not sure what this is asking, i assume it means gender preference ? but since my muse is gay it doesn't apply. 

5. share a positive memory of your muse coming out : chad came out to his brother and sister when he was ten. his parents found out chad was being called gay slurs at school after he hospitalized his bully. it was only fair he told his siblings. his sister took a while to wrap her head around the concept being younger, but she just wanted chad happy. his older brother was also extremely accepting of his brothers sexual identity. chad became even closer to his siblings that day.

6. how do they feel about pride month ? : chad loves pride month and is super obnoxious about celebrating it. he suppressed his sexuality throughout high school to avoid ridicule so like once he got away from that and felt more comfortable in his own skin. he is not shy about letting people know he is very happy to be gay.

7. do they participate in pride related events / any other events ? : my boy loves pride events. he went to his first pride parade in los angeles in university with his third boyfriend ( they were friends still at the time ) luca russo. chad wore the flag face paint and carried his little flag around. he was in awe of the festivities. he never had the guts to go to a parade before alone. 

since then chad has attended pride every year. even if he was single at the time. he does not miss a chance to embrace his identity.

8. how does your muse feel about lgbtq+ roles in media ? : seeing his community represented in media is very important to chad. as long as its done respectfully he is always happy to see queer folk in tv and movies. and like pretty much every person in the community, he hates queer baiting with a passion. the second he sniffs it chad will stop watching the program. he can tell  the difference between that and slow burn.

9. do they feel pride in who they are ? : chad struggled with his sexuality for a long time in fear of facing ridicule. it wasn't until he finally left home did he really embrace who he was. there was no reason to hide it anymore. in his adult life chad very much has pride for his sexuality and his community. 

hes heard stories from people in the past who wish they were different if only to stop the abuse. but chad has never wanted to be anyone else then the gay man he is. if given the chance he will provide a confidence booster in this regard. born this way by lady gaga is a huge inspiration for him.  ( yes i know it came out after he canonly died but on this blog we say fuck canon ) but lets clear the room, well chad is not insecure about his sexuality, he is overall stupidly insecure otherwise.

10. who has been your muses supportive idol in their self discovery ? : as chad didn't really have to struggle with finding his sexuality he never found reason to admire anyone. he does however look up to anyone who is comfortable with their identity and or a positive influence for the lgbtq+ community.

11. who was your muses first crush ? : chad was twelve when he started crushing on a boy in his history class. it wasn't anything more then wanting to hold his hand and sit next to him and smile. it was a fleeting fancy that chad got over in a short time. chad would often get soft feelings inside his chest for boys that would even simply smile at him.  but he once again would always suppress his desire for boys, never allowing himself to actually ask one out.

12. what advice does your muse have for lgbtq+ teens ? : if chad could go back and do it all again, he likely wouldn't have repressed himself. he would tell any teen in the community to never be afraid of who they are, if people didn't accept them then fuck those people. you are born who you are, and the real ones will love you for it.

13. has your muse come out to friends and family ? : yes he has. his parents and siblings know. ( see five ) chad never had friends really so there was no need to come out. most people who meet him in his college life onward, could just tell he was gay.

14. how does your muse feel about the phrase "coming out" ? :  chad sees this as letting your colours show. before you were kinda black & white like everyone else, the same, uniform. but then you let your colours come out & were seen as different.

15. do they believe there is a closet to come out of ? :  yes. the closet in his opinion is something you hide in until you feel safe to emerge. like if someone broke into your house, you hide until the danger has past. for some the danger might never pass, but if they stay in the closet forever they won’t have a chance to really live. sure they be alive but you won’t be living your life. being in the closet is safest, but its not really living. 

16. what's your muses biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq+ characterization in media ? : harmful stereotypes. mostly because as a gay man chad can attest to certain things being common, and he knows he doesn't fit into a lot of those commonalities. particularly where sex is concerned. so it makes him a wee bit insecure. 

17. what's their favourite part when it comes to lgbtq+ characterization in media ? : finding someone he can relate too. he likes when gay men are portrayed for more reason then to be a token gay character. he likes a story with an actual backbone. something real. 

18. do they practice safe sex with the same gender ? : yes and no. he is very adamant about both parties being safe and comfortable but chad for most of his sexual career was a sub/bottom. he took it rather than gave it. his first boyfriend didn't like condoms, and chad being naive and fearful of him didn't ask him to wear one. the fact his boyfriend was uncovered was not what was making him the most uncomfortable so it wasn't really on his mind.

his following sexual relationship with boyfriend three fell into a similar pattern. chad didn't give he took,  and when he gave there was no coverage. since they were exclusive neither saw a need for protection. chad didn't see an issue with it.

boyfriend four insisted on wearing one most of the time, but since chad never penetrated him he never had to wear one.

patrick didn't give a fuck, a reason why chad insisted patrick wear a condom in the beginning of halloween part 1 cause he was worried about disease. in fact i hc they were unprotected until chad suspected cheating and got his boyfriend to cover up. although pat never asked chad too.

tldr; chad has little experience with protective sex but will always want to make things as safe as possible for his partner. so boy will wear the condom if asked.

19. what are their turn offs with the same gender ? what are their turn ons : turn ons are older men of authority. chad is very dominant in personality, but also has an extreme submissive side that can come out with the right partner. this part that longs to be taken care of is what attracts him to men in control. he also likes a man who knows what he wants, and has some culture behind him. ( talk dirty to him in another language and he will melt ) oh and praise is another huge turn on, he loves validation 

turn offs are pain. he doesn't like it. anything hardcore BDSM will have him running for the hills. no S&M. and anything demeaning, don't call him slut, whore etc. it makes him uncomfy. in terms of actual personality traits from men, anyone that acts like his first boyfriend ( leather biker, hot shot type ) will have him nopping out.

20. how does your muse feel about lgbtq+ clubs/apps/websites ? : this is a grey area for him as he is certainly in support of gay web content, its how its used that effects him. like, his experience with connecting with the community in any kind is limited to a general kink website which his boyfriend used to chest on him. so his feelings around that are a little uncomfortable. 

21. how do they feel about the term "queer" ? : chad has no issues with this word. he doesn't have anything deeper to say about it, other than it sounds close to queen in his opinion and he wears that label proud.

22. what tips would they give to heterosexual/cisgendered people looking to better understand the community and news surrounding it ? : chad would tell them to be open minded and not look at it with bias. forget about the hetronormative society you live in and just be open to another view. 

23. whats the most annoying question your muse has ever gotten for being lgbtq+ ? :  the most annoying question chad gets is when people ask who is the woman in the relationship. it really grinds his gears as something like that implies either he or his partner isn't a real man. it also makes him insecure as he is neither a masculine or effeminate gay. hes kinda of in between and it really rubs people the wrong way sometimes. because they expect him to act a certain way.

he acts gay, but hes more gay, and less gay depending on what people are seeing. so when people ask him if hes the man or the woman it brings out his rage over the fact that thats a homophobic af comment, and also his dilemma on what type of gay he is.

24. how do they feel about receiving questions about their sexuality and or gender ? : chad is overall not a super friendly person. i mean he can be, but his second language is bitch so be careful lol. so it really depends on who is asking and what they are asking. if a stranger is asking dumb shit he won't be inclined to give more than a "fuck off" but if someone he knows has some curiosities he wouldn't mind, depending on how invasive it is.

[miracutrashcan]

Only the irredeemable should tremble (Part 1)

After being out of the fandom for so long, I was not expecting to write FanFiction so shortly after returning after the premiere of “Ladybug. So I am apologizing in advance for any character inconsistencies. Please enjoy! 

Spoilers for: Basically every single episode but primarily Ladybug

Part: [HERE] [2] [3]

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“So it was worth the wait, I can feel all of these negative emotions! Betrayal, hurt, rage, injustice, such a sweet taste! Not to mention packaged up nicely in one location for my Akuma to-” The sound of coughing caused Hawk Moth to stop speaking, attention is drawn to the source of the noise. Moving away from his window, he walked towards Nathalie, a concerned look on his face. She was on the ground kneeling, desperate to grab a breath. He needed her to be well enough to withstand being Akumatized so he could become  Scarlet Moth. However, given her current condition, it was clear her body couldn’t handle the stress. Even if they continued with the plan, he could tell that they would not have enough time to retrieve the Miraculous before the Akuma became too much for Nathalie to endure. Gently guiding Nathalie to her back, he laid her down on the floor. He could see the protest in her eyes as he gently shook his head. “The plan will not work with your health in such a fragile state. Scarlet Moth will not be making an appearance today.”

Another cough came from Nathalie’s lips as it was her turn to shake her head once the coughing subsided. She understood how much getting the Miraculous meant to Gabriel. She swore to herself that she would not let her failing health get in the way of helping him achieve his goals. Besides, if he got both Miraculous, then he could use the power to restore her health anyways. So in the long term, there indeed were no risks involved assuming that they can successfully retrieve the Miraculous. “I’ll be fine. We should not let this opportunity go to waste. Who knows when she’ll be able to drum up such a strong reaction again?”

A frustrated sigh came from the Butterfly holder. She was a stubborn one, and he would give her that much. However, this particular issue was not one he would budge on.  Moving his hands away from her, he made sure that she was as comfortable as she could be on the cold floor of the lair. Turning his back to her, he made his way back to the window. The negative emotions remained within the school. She was right, though, it would be a waste to spoil this opportunity. However, he was not going to implement the original plan either. He could sense one person's emotions growing stronger, a smile coming to his face. These emotions were oh so familiar, it was one of the few people he's been wanting to Akumatize for some time now. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the one person who has managed to evade his Akumas not just once, but twice now. Going based on the emotions he was feeling, it was clear to see that Marinette will be one of his strongest Akumas by far. There was a small concern he had over being able to control someone who has such a firm will though Hawk Moth had confidence in his ability to keep her subdued. A few reminders of what caused her to be in such pain should be more than enough to keep her in line. "You are right, and we shouldn't waste this opportunity. However, things will go a bit different than planned."

With an outstretched hand, Hawk Moth beckoned one of his butterflies to come to him. Once the butterfly landed with his hand, he gently covered the butterfly up and infused it with his twisted energy. "Fly away my little Akuma and evilize that wronged heart!" The once pristine white butterfly was now a dark shade of purple with corrupted energy coursing through it and effortlessly flying through the glass window of the lair and towards its new host. Once the Akuma left the building, Hawk Moth turned his attention back to Nathalie. Based on the emotions he could sense coming from Marinette, he had full confidence that she would not escape his grasp this time. Once Marinette was under his control, not only would he be able to judge for himself what Lila said about Marinette. But also gain possession of the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.  A small chuckle escaped his lips as he moved to tend to Nathalie while he waited.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marinette was furious. There was absolutely no way any of this would have happened unless Lila spent hours planning this day out. Everything was set up correctly if the goal was to get her expelled. Like usual, most people were quick to accept Lila's lies as the truth and to place the blame onto Marinette. They did not even bother to check the facts first, like with the test answers! The crime would have made more sense if the test answers were reported after the test was turned in, not when the test was being given back. If she had taken the answers after the test was completed, what good would that do her?

No one knew the sacrifices she's made for Paris, and to be fair, she did not want them to know. If push came to shove, yes, she would even give up her life to keep Paris safe. At the same time, she felt like she should be given some slack for all of her hard work. She's gone out of her way for just about everyone in this school. So what motives does she have for cheating on a test? If anything, that should be one of the first indications that something foul was at play here. Too absorbed within her thoughts, she was focused on getting out of this room so she could calm down away from these traitors and re-gather herself.

However, the moment she opened the door, the Akuma arrived just in time to slip into Marinette's purse before she had a chance to react. In that exact moment, Marinette felt an intense burning sensation where her Miraculous rested, and a quiet hiss of pain could be heard somewhere else in the room. As quickly as the pain came, soon afterward, a dark and familiar voice slipped into Marinette's mind. "Princess Justice. You were wronged not only by your peers but also by those in power. They were tricked by a devious fox and blinded to the truth. I am giving you the power to pass judgment and reveal the hidden lies of this world. All I ask for in return is Ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous. Do we have a deal?"

"How about you Hawk Moth? Do you understand how many people you have hurt since you first started tormenting Paris? Are you offering me the chance to judge your sins as well?" Marinette spoke to the unseen voice. The entire room went silent the moment that they realized what was going on. Uneasy glances were shared among Marinette's classmates as they were debating on what to do. Marinette was currently blocking the primary exit and one of the other hallways.

Off to the side, Lila was smiling to herself. Maybe now that Adrien can see Marinette at her lowest, he might lose interest with that idiot. Then again, Lila knew that she'd been  Akumatized a few times now so this situation may not work out as much in her favor as she would like. Though regardless, her classmates will see that Marinette is not that special anymore.

Alya was the first to move as she rushed to her best friend's side. Alya understood the pain of being Akumatized and would not want to see Marinette suffer the same way she did. "Come on, girl! I know that you are better than this! Focus on my voice and not his!" Was it risky getting close to someone this close to becoming Akumatized? Probably. Especially when Alya knew that Ladybug could be counting on her to become Rena Rouge. Though if she managed to get Marinette to calm down enough, Ladybug would not need her in the first place. She dropped her tone lower, so that way, only Marinette could hear her next words. "I believe you Mari, and I know that Adrien and Nino do too. I'm sure we can find a way to prove your innocence and get you back."

Hawk Moth swore under his breath. He could feel the negative emotions starting to waver and dissipate. He was so close to getting his newest villain, and he was not prepared to let this one slip through his fingers. He dug through the limited memories he could access, trying to find something that would back up his proposition and add fuel to the injustice fueled fire. Most of Marinette's negative emotions involved liars and himself. Of course, this girl would hate him. There was not a single person in Paris who loved the fact that he attacked the city regularly.  Though maybe this case just required a little bit more poking to get that obnoxiously strong will to buckle a bit more. "You are right. I have done countless things to this city that caused pain and suffering. Though they say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, once I retrieve the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous and achieve my wish, I shall face my punishment then."

"You never answered my question, Hawk Moth. Are you offering me the chance to judge your sins as well?" Marinette pushed the question again, the memories of seeing those she cared about changed into monsters wallowing in pain and anguish. It sparked a fit of repressed anger through her, and she remembers the nightmares that Alya occasionally share with her about being Lady Wifi. She's overheard her father talking to her mother about what terrible things he did while he was Akumatized, to name a few. She knew that there was no valid reason for Paris to have support groups for Akumatized villains!

A smile came onto the Butterfly holder's face, and he could feel her anger start to grow the longer he kept her talking. Maybe dragging out this conversation will give him the closure he needs to corrupt her heart. "I will let you judge my sins once my ultimate wish is granted." He lied, knowing very well that he can recall the Akuma once he has the Miraculous in hand. "Then again, how many other people have wronged or lied to you? Maybe to a loved one or a friend?" Now that he had greater access to Marinette's memories, he found out the truth about the Miraculous book. So she lied to him about who took the book to get Adrien back to school, interesting.

The memories of when Lila first came to school, and no one recognized the lies she was spewing came to the forefront of Marinette's mind. Then came the situation where she was almost arrested for being accused of stealing. Another memory came to mind, only this time of her uncle when Chloe sabotaged his food during the cooking competition. This caused Marinette to dig her nails into the palms of her hands. All those times, people she cared about was getting hurt by the actions of others. "It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? People doing bad things to others and usually being powerless to stop it? I'm giving you a chance to break the cycle Marinette. Become Princess  Justice and not only can you break the cycle of Akuma attacks but help protect those who cannot protect themselves. What do you say?" He could feel her reasoning and logic give away to the anger and desire to punish those who are irredeemable in her eyes.

She could protect the innocent and punish those who take advantage of others and not learn from their mistakes. Finally registering how tightly someone was holding her hand, Marinette pushed the hand away from her. "You are right Hawk Moth, I accept on one condition. You uphold your end of the deal, I get to personally judge you for your sins once I retrieve the Miraculous." After her last word is said a dark miasma covered the broken hero, a pained cry could be heard in the distance, then a solid thud, and finally silence.

[ruthellisneda]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII

[albertcaldwellne]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII

[johnclapperne]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII

[almajonesnjna]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII

[neilmillerne]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII

[joshuabradleyn]

{#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings.

A long time ago I read a book that changed my life.

I had been struggling with debilitating c-spine (neck) pain that western medicine explained as “herniated disks,” but couldn’t actually explain my symptoms.

I had been doing physical therapy and other bodywork for a while when I read the book

Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD.

Despite being an outdated book with research that never really continued on, Dr. Sarno blew my mind with quotes like:

“It is perfectly acceptable to have a physical problem in our culture, but people tend to shy away from anything that has to do with the emotions.”

and

“There’s nothing like a little physical pain to keep your mind off your emotional problems.”

His work was unlike anything I had ever heard about back pain, or frankly about physical issues in general.

In a gross oversimplification of the book, Dr. Sarno posits that a lot of the physical pain and ailment we experience are due to repressed emotional issues. The idea is that many physical symptoms are either a distraction from feeling our real feelings, or a tangible representation of our emotional suffering.

I had never before heard a doctor connect emotional pain to physical pain in this way, or to call our most common physical ailments distractions from emotional pain. It felt like the most daring, truthful, and revolutionary thing I’d ever read.

After all, everyone understands if you need to take a day off work because your back seized up, but we’re still not at a place where most people can take a day off because they’re overwhelmed with sadness or anger.

Which reminds me– this entire premise only works because we as a culture have validated that something like “back pain” is real, valid, and important, while our feelings are not.

I’m sharing this with you, because in my coaching practice I have consistently seen a similar pattern– that our unexamined or abstract emotional pain often gets projected into the tangible, physical world in the form of obsessing about food, fat, weight, shape, and other body image issues.

Why?

Because, like back pain, we as a culture have validated that these topics are real, valid, and important, particularly for girls and women.

Body weight, shape, size, and the pursuit of “flawlessness” are all topics that society has fully endorsed as worthy of suffering over.

Put another way: body image issues are often a red herring for deep emotional pain.

What kind of emotional pain varies pretty dramatically. There’s fear of course– the fear of being too much, the fear of being rejected or unlovable, or the fear of being fundamentally unsafe in a female body. And shame– shame about not being good enough, shame at living in a grotesquely human body, or shame over big feelings like sadness and anger.

And that’s only the beginning.

Being alive comes with an extraordinary amount of pain, discomfort, loss, grief, rage, and other very challenging feelings, and most of us are never taught how to handle those feelings. Even worse, many of us were taught that having these feelings represents a personal character flaw or weakness.

So naturally, instead of feeling our emotional pain, we ignore it, repress it, invalidate it, and try not to think about it. And in order to assist us in this endeavor, we need a distraction.

Which is where body image issues more and more frequently come in.

The stories we tell ourselves about our bodies being too big, too curvy, too skinny, too flat, too lumpy, too ugly, etc.– these stories feel intensely real. That’s because, with all the varied and conflicting messages we get about how women are “supposed to” look, there is always some way in which a woman can feel like she is failing.

That’s precisely why our body and beauty insecurities are such effective red herrings!

Weight, fat, beauty, skin, shape, size, and everything else relating to our appearance are outlets of socially sanctioned suffering for women in our culture right now.

It’s worth noting that if we lived in a society with no messages about weight or appearance, we would have to find another outlet for our suffering. (And trust me, we would, because until you deal with the underlying emotional pain, you will always need an outlet.)

This is why the solution to negative body image isn’t for a woman to just stop hating how her body looks.

First of all, that’s impossible without dealing with the emotions underneath, since the problem was never really her body.

Second of all, it can be dangerous.

Attempting to give up your most powerful coping mechanism without replacing it with a variety of other tools and coping skills with which to handle the emotional suffering underneath can sometimes do more damage than good.

Best case scenario, you’ll simply find a different distraction or outlet; maybe a drinking or shopping problem, for example. Worst case, you’ll end up feeling terrified and vulnerable, and end up doubling down on your attempt to criticise and control your food, fat, weight, skin, face, body, or other perceived flaws.

If we want to get rid of the red herring, we must recognize it for what it is.

Body image issues and body anxiety are tools for avoiding the painful truth of what we’re feeling deep down. In order to tackle them, we need to both gather better tools, and learn how to tolerate (aka build a bigger capacity for feeling) our emotional suffering.

This is why, just like Dr. Sarno helped his patients heal back pain by turning them inward to repressed anger, I help my clients understand and heal their body image issues by turning them inward to whatever emotional pain waits for them under the surface.

Because it was never about their backs; back pain was just a convenient outlet.

And it was never about the shape or size of our bodies; our bodies are just currently the easiest place to put the extraordinary pain of being human.

<3

Jess

The post {#TransparentTuesday} Red Herrings. appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2yhAhII