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andrewmoocow · 5 months ago

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Rick and Haruko chapter 3: Good Rick Hunting (originally published on June 21, 2024)

AN: Hey, welcome back, everyone! How are you doing? You all look good, you all look good. Now, pardon me for taking so long, I've just had other business to do. Been watching TV shows, going to college, playing video games, all that jazz. But now I can finally set aside some time to finally get back to Rick and Haruko! When last we left off, the Flesh Curtains had their first big encounter with Medical Mechanica on the Boiling Isles, and Haruko has now learned that someone else wants Atomsk for himself. This does not please the future Vespa Woman one bit. What will happen when Haruko's relationship with Rick begins clashing with her crush on the Pirate King? Well, we'll have to see. But for now, let's get down to more crossovers!

Repre S. Entative glowered as he sat down in his office chair, still recovering from his altercation with the Flesh Curtains on the Boiling Isles a month ago with his organic arm in a sling, gazing at various holographic screens depicting the band's further escapades. On one screen, Haruko played doctor and forced three young female Galactic Federation officers to strip naked so she can touch them in uncomfortable places. On another screen, Rick is shown angrily shaking his fist at his ex-girlfriend Washu Hakubi, who returned her former lab partner's anger by threatening to cut his head off for science. Squanchy was playing a game of basketball against a cyborg basketball player, and Birdperson was meditating next to a silver-colored humanoid on a surfboard.

"I can't just sit idly by and watch them continue their chaos!" Repre yelled angrily while pounding the arm of his chair with his mechanical hand. "Ugh, if only I could somehow find a way to gain their trust! Maybe then, it'll be easier for me to find Atomsk." Just then, a Medical Machine entered his office. "Unit #4113, what is your request?"

"I wish to speak to you about our research on Neural Omnipotence energy." The Medical Machine answered coldly while presenting a video on a tablet it was holding. "Our continued project has seen fruit as we can now use it to deliver the factories and associated Pins to multiple alternate universes in an instant. Here is but one example we have from Dimension A-205."

The tablet showed an armada of Medical Machines and Medical Mechanica soldiers in Dimension A-205 fighting against an army of soldiers who were using fire-based abilities against them. "Our forces were ready to conquer this land and install another Pin, but everything changed when this so-called Fire Nation attacked."

"Does everyone in this dimension have fire powers?" Repre asked while stroking his chin with his mechanical arm.

"Not entirely." The Medical Machine continued. "This is a world where humans living in four nations display mastery in controlling one of the four elements: water, earth, fire, and air. Only a being known as the Avatar is adept at all four of them, but unfortunately, the current incarnation of the Avatar, the one who is supposed to end the Fire Nation's reign of terror, is reported missing."

"Interesting." Repre muttered, showing intrigue in the Four Nations' potential. "Fire up another portal! I want a word with whoever is leading this Fire Nation. Maybe we can strike up an alliance."

"But sir, your arm!" the Medical Machine urged the Representative Director. Still, he was too stubborn to listen as he stepped through an N.O. portal that brought him to Dimension A-205, right in the middle of the conflict between Medical Mechanica and the Fire Nation's army.

"Soldiers of the Fire Nation, we come in peace!" Repre declared as he made a grand speech to stop the fighting, putting his natural oratory skills to good use. "I am Repre S. Entative, representative director of Medical Mechanica. Today, I have come here to inform you and your military of the glorious purpose your empire and this entire world have been trusted with. I have planted a large Medical Mechanica factory on your land that will one day be very useful, and I must urge you to drop all futile resistance towards our rule."

"You must be the leader of these invaders." Zhao, one of the Fire Nation's generals, declared as he marched towards Repre with a hand covered in fire that he planned on attacking with. "The Fire Lord shall not take this lightly."

"Well, is the Fire Lord here with us right now?" Repre smirked as he gestured towards Zhao's forces being brought to their knees by the Medical Machines. "If you ever see your master again, tell him Medical Mechanica will always be watching. But in the meantime, men, fire when ready."

The Medical Machines silently obeyed and opened fire on the Fire Nation Soldiers as Repre left through another portal, leaving Zhao to grit his teeth in anger as he prepared to fight these invading machines.

"Come on, Haruko, put it in, put it in." Rick urged Haruko while she dumped some grounded-up Kalaxian crystals into a bong and lit it up for them to smoke. After taking a puff of the bong, Rick's eyes began dilating, and his sclera turned a bright blue. "Whoo, wubba lubba dub dub, I am tripping so many balls right now! Check it out, I can see myself as a dorky teenager in high school who also happens to be a talking fish!"

Haruko began smoking the bong herself and became just as drugged up as Rick. "Whoa, these crystals are the tits!" she cheered in a drug-induced craze. "Wanna know what I can see?! I see myself as a sexy dullahan biker chick with the cutest little cat ears on my helmet! Cat ears, kitty kitty, meow!"

"Whoa, my hands smell like lemons now." Rick muttered to himself while gazing at his hands and sniffing the alleged fruity scent. "Unacceptable! I wanted my hands to smell like strawberries or something!"

"Rick, Haruko, there you two are," Birdperson said as he stepped into the two's den and smelled something off. "What smells of dead skunks in here? Are you two doing drugs again?

"Come on, Big Bird, try it!" Haruko said while offering the bong to Birdperson. "One smoke of this, and you'll imagine yourself as a witch hunter or a cute opera-singing sniper!"

"I'm good, thank you." Birdperson politely turned down the offer. "We're coming up on our next gig now. Please come outside and see."

Rick and Haruko then put the bong down and left their crack den, strutting out while imagining "Low Rider" by War playing as they went. But from Birdperson and Squanchy's point of view, the duo were stumbling about while vocalizing the song poorly to themselves before they stumbled and fell.

"I knew I squanched something wrong!" Squanchy declared. "Anyways, look alive, you sons of squanches, we got a real doozy of a gig! Some broad named Pink Diamond in Dimension CG-213 wants some entertainment for her big ball squanching up."

"Dimension CG-213? Oh goddammit." Rick grumbled as he got back up while coming down from his high.

"What beef do you have with them, Rick?" Haruko asked.

"This dimension is home to a race of sentient rocks named Gems who go about colonizing planets to make more of their kind." Rick explained to Haruko. "I don't want to get into any specifics, but let's agree not to mention what happened on Naru-10."

"You think they'll let us in after that stunt you pulled back then?" Birdperson asked.

"Please, you caused the genocide of one species of ninja fox aliens; you basically committed all the genocide!" Rick bragged as the Rick-stery Machine emerged from a portal and flew towards a planet resembling a large white stone broken into pieces and surrounded by rings. "Hopefully, this won't turn out like what happened with the Viltrumites." He then put a pair of antennae on Haruko's head. "Now put these on; these Gems have never encountered any humans or humanoid life before, so we're gonna need to act like the most bizarre-ass aliens possible."

Soon, the Rick-stery Machine landed on the Gem Homeworld to the cheers of every Gem present at the landing site while the Flesh Curtains stepped out of the spaceship to greet them. "Greetings, Gems, bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong!" Rick declared while using a universal greeting and accompanying hand gestures before he started flipping the Gems off. "Come on, Haruko, you gotta flip 'em off! Last time I was here, I told them it means peace among worlds! How hilarious is that?"

Haruko looked out at the Gems surrounding the band, many of whom with working fingers also had their middle fingers raised, and she eagerly joined in on the lewd hand gestures. "Coming through, just a couple of normal aliens here to play music." Rick exclaimed while continuing to flip the Gems off. "Take us to your leader and all that."

"So you are here to perform for Pink Diamond's ball tonight?" Yellow Diamond asked the Flesh Curtains once they entered the Great Diamond Authority's throne room. "What makes you believe you can just waltz onto our planet and start making demands?"

"Come on, Diamonds, we've been through this dozens of times before!" Rick exclaimed. "I do stuff for you, and you won't kill my ass in exchange! Besides, Pink needs someone to keep a leash on her while she's going through whatever you Gems call puberty or whatever."

"That reminds me, where is Pink?" Birdperson asked. "Is she in her room again with her little Pebbles?"

"Yes, she's just getting ready for tonight." Blue Diamond replied.

"Oh phew, I thought she got into trouble for getting so squanching mad again." Squanchy sighed in relief. "She's a real firebrand, that one."

"Teenagers, am I right?" Rick agreed with Squanchy. "Only a matter of time before she gets into a rebellious phase."

"Oh please, Pink is somewhat well-behaved." White Diamond chuckled. "What's the worst that could happen from a rebellious phase?"

"But mark my words, Rick, there will be consequences if you mess this one up." Yellow Diamond stated. "Speaking of which, you said you had a new member in your band. Where is she right now?"

"Hey, watch this!" Haruko exclaimed while hanging out with Pink Diamond, the youngest member of the Great Diamond Authority, in the Diamond's room as she demonstrated some juggling with a few of Pink's Pebbles. "Introducing the great and splendiferous Haruko! Thank you, I'll be here all night!"

"Wow, Haruko, you're so much fun!" Pink Diamond laughed joyfully. "I wish I could have a friend as fun as you are!"

"Maybe you could just ask for one, and they'll make it for you." Haruko replied. "Besides, didn't you lose your last friend a while ago? What was her name again?"

"I just called her Pearl." Pink said sadly. "I was having a little tantrum, and it caused me to accidentally break her eye, and then she was taken away from me. White Diamond says I should get another Pearl soon, but I don't know how long that will take."

"I can relate to suddenly having someone taken away from me." Haruko sympathized with Pink Diamond's predicament. "For all I know, I'm the last daughter of my old home planet before it was destroyed in an earth-shattering kaboom. And frankly, I'm glad to be rid of it. These guys called Medical Mechanica took it over and turned it into the mother of all crappy dystopian hellholes that suppressed any individual thought. Luckily, my mom was one of the only people who got a clue and led la resistance in fighting back for a while."

"What was your mom like?" Pink asked.

"Only the most wonderful woman I could've ever known." Haruko sighed nostalgically while gazing out Pink's window and reflecting on simpler, happier times.

"Tell me, where did you come from? Why do you know me?" Rihanna Raharu, a gentle woman with a soothing voice, red eyes, and white hair styled into a side plait over her shoulder, sang her twelve-year-old daughter, Haruha Raharu, a lullaby on her Flying V after tucking her into bed. "Tears of melancholy fall, resounding through the end of my loneliness. Bran-new lovesong, that is my song for you."

"Good night, Mommy." Haruha said before Rihanna gently kissed her daughter on the forehead.

"Good night, my little bumblebee." Rihanna smiled at Haruha. "And remember that for as long as you chase your dreams, I'll always be there for you, even if you can't see me. Because I love you." As soon as Haruha fell asleep, Rihanna decided to get serious as she stood up and walked out of Haruha's bedroom with the Flying V over her shoulder just as Reagan stepped out of the bathroom.

"Going out again, Rihanna?" Reagan asked his wife, yellow eyes half-lidded. "I swear, one of these days, your little band of freedom fighters are all gonna get caught, and you'll get us all killed!"

"The hardest of choices require the strongest of wills, dear." Rihanna let out a heavy sigh as she gathered the necessary supplies for her latest rebel mission. "Can you check the front door to see if the Little Busters are outside?"

"I can see Taro's folks right outside right about now." Reagan said as he opened the door for a brown-haired couple to enter, the wife looking way more confident than her husband. "Izumi, Jun."

"Reagan, Rihanna." Izumi's husband, Jun, greeted Reagan before turning to Rihanna. "Rihanna, you have got to hear this. Matsuo just got back with some juicy intel on Medical Mechanica; I mean, it's really insane! Some might even say apocalyptic!"

"My kind of party!" Izumi said boisterously. "Come on, Anna, the rest of the Little Busters are waiting for you!"

"Did you, uh, put Taro to sleep too?" Rihanna asked Izumi. "You know how he and Haruha like getting into trouble. Who knows what could happen if they decided to follow us on a mission."

"Ah, nothing to get intestinal distress about; Taro's sleeping like a baby right now!" Izumi laughed while giving her teammate a hearty slap on the back. "Now, what are we waiting for?! Let's blow that popsicle stand and head home before sunrise!"

"Like I said, Rihanna, one day you're going to get us all killed." Reagan said while helping himself to some beer. "Or maybe my drinking problem. We'll see how this all pans out, I guess."

"Dimension CG-213, huh?" Repre S. Entative growled to himself as he observed the Flesh Curtains' current location from afar. "I have you now." He laughed maniacally as his latest machine was prepared for launch.

Later that night, Pink Diamond's ball had commenced, and the Flesh Curtains were warming up for their show. As Haruko tuned her Rickenbacker, she took a moment to peek from behind the curtains to see the Diamonds all sitting on thrones and looking down on their subjects dancing in an almost mechanical formation. She found it weird how in sync they all were. "Man, look at these Gems. They're like robots!"

"Yeah, that's the thing about Gems; they're all about rigid conformity and shit when they're not going out and harvesting planets to make into colonies." Rick explained to Haruko. "Remind you of anything, kiddo?"

"Yeah, that's basically what my planet was before Atomsk blew it up." Haruko realized the connection as she kept watching the dancing Gems. "I only hope these guys can get a clue and not suffer the same fate."

"Sorry, no changing a fascist regime like this one." Rick shook his head in dismay. "The only way anyone can change here is if there's some kinda war or something! But what are the odds of that happening?!" He let out a laugh while the other Flesh Curtains gave him a funny look. "Ah, you'll all get it someday."

"Mr. Sanchez, one minute to curtain, Mr. Sanchez." Yellow Diamond's Pearl called out from backstage. "And what was that about a war?"

"None of your business!" Rick yelled when he realized that someone was missing. "Hey, where's Squanchy?! We're not the FC without our drums!" He then turned to Haruko. "Haruko, go find Squanchy! I wouldn't be surprised if he's looking for a place to squanch."

"On it, boss!" Haruko saluted as she began searching for Squanchy's whereabouts. However, it didn't take long to find the little cat, as Haruko quickly discovered Squanchy strangling himself with an Amethyst's whip and jerking at something she wished she could unsee. "Holy sugar honey iced tea!"

"Hey, I'm squanching here!" Squanchy yelled at Haruko for invading his privacy while Rick picked him up and put him on the drums.

"You little guys are just full of surprises." Haruko declared as the regular curtains rose on the Flesh Curtains. "Hello, Gem Homeworld! Are you ready to be musically, sonically, and, if all goes according to plan, physically assaulted?!" she yelled into the microphone, snapping the Gems out of their trance-like dancing and causing them to cheer. "Oh hell yeah, that's what I like to hear!"

"Woohoo, go, Haruko!" Pink Diamond cheered for her smaller friend.

"Ugh, this was a bad idea." Yellow Diamond rolled her eyes.

"WE ARE THE FLESH CURTAINS!" Squanchy yelled and tapped his drumsticks together. "ONE, TWO, THREE, SQUANCH!"

With that, the Flesh Curtains began their song. "A deserted island which seems to have mostly sunk. Not found on any globe, not even named." Haruko started singing. "Yesterday, the ship we hoped for came close, but it didn't even come to meet us."

"We got a little scorched staring longingly into the sun." Birdperson added.

"Holding a prism up, I waved my hand, but-"Rick sang as the chorus began.

"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" the three sang together, with Squanchy backing them up on drums. "Even we, who weren't chosen up till yesterday, are waiting for tomorrow."

"I must admit, this song has a nice beat." Blue Diamond commented while tapping along to the song.

"Our mostly deflated zeppelin is skimming just barely over the ground." Rick sang.

"The look of the colors which defy description will probably be mercilessly pecked at by the birds." Haruko added.

"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" the duo sang together. "Surely not yet. The limit can't be like this at all, not like this at all."

"Can you feel? Can you feel that hybrid rainbow?" As the song climaxed, trouble seemed afoot as a shadow waited in the wings, eager for the right moment to strike. "I wanna believe that here is only partway through. I can feel-"

Suddenly, a loud explosion occurred as Repre S. Entative burst into the Diamonds' throne room ceiling with an army of Medical Machines by his side. "Alright, everyone, stick 'em up!" Repre commanded the Gems around him while transforming his cybernetic arm into a large, threatening laser cannon. "This is a hold-up; nobody makes a move until Rick Sanchez and Haruha Raharu are brought to me dead or alive!"

"Oh, son of a bitch, not you again." Rick shook his head in disgust as he put down his guitar and jumped off the stage to confront the overzealous representative director. "How do you keep following us around like this?!"

"You'd be surprised what I can accomplish with the resources given to me," Repre smirked. "But besides that, I want retribution for my humiliation at the Boiling Isles! You could not believe how my superior officer reacted to my failure!"

"Yeah, don't care; prepare to get your ass kicked." Haruko interrupted Repre while standing alongside Rick. "But which part of your ass would you like to have kicked? The gluteus maximus, the gracilis, or the adductor magnus?!"

"On the contrary, my pink-haired friend, it is you who shall have your gluteus maximus handed to you!" Repre cackled confidently while typing on his keypad to summon another robot through an N.O portal. This time, the robot could transform from a humanoid body into a yellow car. "Cybertron inspired me to create this bad boy. I call him the Goldbug! Go get him, my sweet boy!"

The Goldbug obeyed its master's commands and began charging at Rick and Haruko, causing the surrounding Gems to run away out of fear of the sudden invasion, but not this duo. "Okay, kiddo, just like we practiced. You ready?"

"Ready, Freddy!" Haruko declared as the two armed themselves with the Flying V and the Rickenbacker before leaping toward the rampaging Goldbug.

"WUBBA LUBBA LUNCHTIME!" the mentor-student duo yelled as they engaged the Cybertronian-esque machine in battle, with Repre staying away from the chaos and controlling his Machine from afar.

"Oh, how I longed to bring these fools their darkest hour." Repre confidently stated as his fingers danced around his keypad, pressing buttons that gave the robot commands to attack. "The rest of you, round up the bird and the puddytat!" he ordered the Medical Machines. "The Lord Superior Officer wants all of them rounded up by the hour."

The Medical Machines obediently nodded and prepared to capture Birdperson and Squanchy, but instead, they found themselves being attacked by a group of Amethysts wrestling them to the ground before the robots could do anything.

"Can't you do anything right?!" Repre yelled in frustration while the Medical Machines were torn apart. "Fine, if you want something done right, you're better off doing it yourself!" Pulling a lever on his iron shoulder, a hatch on Repre's palm opened, revealing a lightsaber that he ignited to indicate that the blade glowed a brilliant red. With a devious smile on his face, Repre quickly joined the fight against Rick and Haruko in progress.

"WHOO, FREE BIRD!" Rick yelled as he fired bullets from his Rickenbacker at the robot. "WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!"

"CHAAAAANCE!" Haruko began shouting as the robot chased her around the throne room, causing colossal damage wherever she went as she fought the transforming car, all while the Diamonds continued watching the chaos.

"I should've known allying with Rick again was a bad idea." Yellow muttered in annoyance. "This is the Naru-10 incident all over again!"

"But Yellow, I believe they can change!" Pink begged the older Diamond. "They may be a bunch of weirdos who cause trouble wherever they go, but they're all each other have in the universe or any other. I've especially grown close to Haruko since I understand where she comes from."

"Perhaps you should hear Pink out and stop this before anyone gets hurt." Blue agreed with Pink, causing Yellow to groan in annoyance as she got up.

"Fine, I won't kill them if that makes anyone feel better." Yellow muttered while cracking her knuckles, making electricity course up and down her fingers. "I will, however, teach them a lesson they'll never forget." Yellow then took off with lightning speed towards the Medical Mechanica robot, smashing it to pieces under her foot and taking Rick, Haruko, & Repre by surprise.

"Dammit, Yellow, we had a deal!" Rick yelled angrily.

"OH MY GOD, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME; I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Repre shrieked like a coward while beginning to pray for mercy. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallow be thy name!"

"Must we always do this, Rick?" Yellow scolded the Flesh Curtains and their unwanted companion. "Everywhere you go, you do nothing but spread confusion and delay and make the lives of everyone around you worse because of it. Is that the life you want to live, Sanchez? Being nothing more than a toxic oaf?"

"At least I'm healthier to be around than you, you big bitchy banana!" Rick yelled before Yellow contained them all in a big, yellow bubble. "Where are you gonna send us?"

"The same place where all the naughty ones go, Rick," Yellow replied with a disdainful glare towards Pink, who looked away in shame while Haruko gazed at her newfound friend. "And by the way, we'll be taking your portal gun too."

"What?! NOOOO-" Rick screamed as Yellow Diamond sent the bubble away, silencing the panicking throne room as the Medical Machines were successfully dismantled.

"Man, Rick is just a pain in my neck." White Diamond complained before looking out at her subjects. "Unfortunately, everyone, the ball will now have to end early due to unforeseen interruptions. Return to your normal duties at once, please." She addressed the Gems' disappointment as they slowly began leaving in despair. "Now then, you said something about Rick's portal gun, Yellow?"

Meanwhile, in a dark tower overlooking most of Homeworld, the bubble containing the Flesh Curtains and Repre reappeared inside the tower before popping and sending the unlikely five falling to the ground.

"OW!" Haruko yelled in pain as she slowly got up and realized something furry was touching her butt. "Hey, you better not be copping a feel, Squanchy!"

"This isn't what it squanches like, it was an accident!" Squanchy said while Haruko sat on his arm.

"So, looks like I'm stuck here with you four idiots for now." Repre muttered with gritted teeth while propping his head in his hand. "Where are we, anyways?"

"This is the tower that Pink Diamond gets thrown into whenever she's being a little shit." Rick mused while sitting on the ground. "Yeah, in case you didn't realize it, Haruko, your big pink friend isn't taken very seriously because she's practically the equivalent of a teenager to the other Diamonds." This made Haruko freeze as she mentally compared Pink's situation to her life back on Wasprus. "Yeah, I'm sure this is reminding you of somebody."

"Yeah, my dad," Haruko muttered as she turned her head to gaze out one of the very high windows. "Hey Rick, you think in the vast unknown of the multiverse, there could be a universe out there where I had a better relationship with him?"

"Eh, what does it matter if there's a universe where your dad is a good person," Rick said in a bout of nihilism. "That's what I've learned in all my years of traveling dimensions. For every alternate universe where you're the most famous and successful person to have ever existed, there's always another where you're practically a nobody doomed to die with no one to remember you. Life itself is only a vision, a dream. Nothing exists; save empty space and you. And you are but a thought, kiddo."

"Wow, so interesting." Haruko muttered in amazement at Rick's philosophy.

"He doesn't really mean that. Rick is just using the belief that nothing truly matters as a defense mechanism." Birdperson tried to assure Haruko that she should avoid following a similar path to her father figure.

"Please, if I wanted to hear such pessimistic drivel, I'd have a conversation with Steve from human resources." Repre sighed with his head to the wall. "My master is not going to be happy with this failure."

"Let me guess, shitty boss?" Haruko asked, trying to relate to Repre. "Dude, same. You remember Heinzenberg, right? He was the worst!"

"Yes, Heinzenberg was very hard to please." Repre nodded in agreement, surprised that one of the rebels was trying to form a kinship of sorts with him. "Here's something you should know: I'm a clone of my master, so I have to live up to his expectations as his right-hand man and representative director. It can be quite taxing, though, especially with people like you making my job much harder for me."

Haruko then put a hand on Repre's shoulder, making him recoil in disgust as he was not used to being touched by the enemy in such a tender matter. But even so, Repre couldn't help but notice how genuine Haruko was being, making him come to a decision as he was forced to swallow his pride for once. "I suppose if we want a chance of making it out of this dimension alive, we have no choice but to join forces."

"Never thought I'd hear you say that, you whiny trust fund baby." Rick smirked at the representative director. "Okay, here's the plan. We may not have my portal gun, but we have something else to help us out here." He looked towards Birdperson and gave him a nod. Birdperson did the same before spreading his wings.

"Well, this was completely pointless." Repre muttered as he and Rick grabbed onto Birdperson's back. "Why did Yellow go to all the trouble of locking us up here when we know someone who can fly?!"

"Just quit whining, and let's get outta here." Haruko replied before Birdperson took off with a loud cawing sound, leaving the tower behind as the unlikely reluctant alliance began searching Homeworld for the portal gun while trying to avoid any Gems that might spot them escaping.

"So, how can we find your portal gun, Rick?" Repre asked. "I mean, you're a Rick; you're pretty much prepared for anything, right?"

"Quit reading my mind!" Rick said as he tapped his left temple, activating a scanner in his eye that began searching for the portal gun's whereabouts. As if by chance or luck, the portal gun was being transported by a squad of Rubies to a yellow building. "I know that place; that's where Yellow Diamond keeps her bubbled Gems!"

"Why would she squanch it in there?" Squanchy asked.

"Beats the hell out of me; now get lower, Birdperson!" Rick exclaimed as Birdperson soared towards the building just as the Rubies entered, leaving the door open long enough for them to break in without anyone noticing.

"Dammit, it could be in any of these bubbles." Repre muttered. "Which is supposed to be the one we're looking for?"

"There it is!" Haruko yelled while pointing at the bubble containing Rick's portal gun. "May I do the honors, Sanchez-senpai?"

"The floor's yours, Haru-chan!" Rick grinned before Haruko leaped up to the bubble like a frog and popped it, letting the portal gun drop back into Rick's hands.

"Hell yeah, now let's get outta here!" Rick declared excitedly.

"I think not, Rick." Yellow Diamond's voice announced forebodingly as the lights turned on, revealing Yellow sitting in the dark with her hands clasped together as she glared at the Flesh Curtains. "Going somewhere, my nihilist friend?"

"Oh, nowhere special, just taking back what's mine." Rick replied. "What do you want with my stuff anyways?"

"As a matter of fact, the empire has been interested in dabbling in dimensional travel, and you were the only one we knew had access to such knowledge," Yellow stated as she slowly got up to confront Rick. "I'd advise you to leave now if you value your life since you already escaped."

"Couldn't agree more!" Rick declared before he fired a portal at the door and jumped through. "See you around, Chiquita Banana!"

As the rest of Rick's motley crew jumped through the portal to escape, Yellow began giving orders. "Guards, after them!"

Elsewhere on Homeworld, another portal opened near the Rickstery Machine, and Rick, Haruko, Repre, Birdperson, and Squanchy got out, eager to finally get off Homeworld once and for all. "All right, let's blow this jewelry store and go home!"

"Wait just a second!" Repre stopped the crew before they could board their ship. "I, uh, I just wanted to say thanks for helping me out back there. I owe you guys my life."

"You cannot be serious." Birdperson said alarmingly as Yellow Diamond's forces began closing in on the band.

"Well, throw that life away and start a new one with us!" Haruko offered Repre while extending a hand in friendship to the representative director. "Who cares what that old fuddy-duddy makes you do? Maybe you can do something with your life for once, do whatever you want with no one holding you down! All you gotta do is take my hand."

Repre looked between his robot hand and Haruko's normal hand. All his life, Repre had to live up to his master's high expectations as his clone and right-hand man, like he was merely an extension of the Lord Superior Officer rather than his own person. Perhaps this could be his chance to break away from the life he knew and forge his own path. But then Repre realized that he was merely making everything up as he went along and wasn't interested in rebelling against his progenitor.

"I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm afraid I must decline." Repre declared before scratching Haruko on the arm, prompting Rick to come to the rescue by shooting Repre down with a ray gun. "What was that for?!"

"Misery, misery, misery." Rick shook his head in disgust. "My gang gave you friendship, and you spat in our faces! Were you making all that shit up about your boss's toxic expectations to get on our good side?!"

"Misery, you say? Your little band has caused me confusion and delay for the last time!" Repre shouted before the two revealed their weapons. Rick had his Rickenbacker, while Repre pulled out his lightsaber, which he revealed that it had a pair of crossguards as well.

"Compensating?" Rick snarked at Repre's lightsaber.

"For what?" Repre replied, not getting the joke.

"For your tiny dick." Rick laughed at the representative director's expense. "I mean, you chose the one with the crossguard out of all lightsabers? Wow, only a whiny emo daddy's boy with a dick smaller than a Patitite would have a weapon like that." Everyone then laughed at Repre's embarrassment. "See, they all get it!"

Repre then blushed angrily as he charged at Rick, and they clashed weapons, leaving Haruko, Birdperson, and Squanchy to keep the Gems from getting to the Rick-stery Machine. As the fight between the scientist and the representative director took to the skies, Rick noticed that a large Pin was slowly being inserted into Homeworld alongside a Medical Mechanica factory. "First the Boiling Isles and now this? What's the deal with all these Pins, chump?!"

"You may think this is simply a means to produce more robots, and it's true, but you'll learn what they're capable of quickly!" Repre boasted before swinging his lightsaber with utmost aggression and grace.

"Holy shit, is that Makashi style?" Rick asked about Repre's fighting style.

"Yes, learned it from Dooku himself." Repre bragged about his training before Rick used his brief display of confidence to find an opening and brain him in the head, sending the representative director flying down to the ground. "You said that nothing mattered in your years of traveling dimensions, correct?" Repre asked as he got up and was cornered by Rick on a bridge. "Tell me, what brought about such feelings, Rick?"

"Something did matter to me once, but it was taken away from me," Rick said while remembering how his wife and daughter were killed in an accident by an alternate version claiming to be the prime Rick. "I've built up these walls over the years to not lose anyone else again, and I don't want Haruko to go down the same path I'm on either!"

"You sure about that?" Repre said as he began to sow seeds of doubt in Rick's mind. "To be honest, I have a feeling she might have her eyes on another man. Perhaps a bird of unlimited power, to be precise?" Repre then gave Rick a smirk, and Rick responded to such things being said about his daughter figure by stabbing Repre with the neck of his guitar.

Back on the surface, Haruko went to town on all the Rubies, Jaspers, Amethysts, and Topazes sent out to recapture the band as she, Birdperson, and Squanchy held the line. "CHAAAANCE!" Haruko yelled as she fired bullets from her Flying V at some Amethysts, poofing them and reducing them to their gems in seconds. "Guess it's true what they say, diamonds are forever."

"Oh yeah, speaking of Diamonds, she's here!" Squanchy yelled as Yellow Diamond towered over the trio with a hand coursing with electricity to fire at them. "Maybe if we pretend to surrender, she'll let us go."

"Hardly, little feline." Yellow Diamond threatened. "Now then, any last words before I destroy you three?"

"Yeah, I got some." Haruko said before leaping high into the air and smacking Yellow in the face with her guitar, making the Diamond fall down. "STEE-TRIKE, YOU'RE OUT!"

"I wish I could've seen this coming, but I'm not a Sapphire." Yellow dryly commented as she collapsed on the ground, poofing numerous soldiers as Haruko got onboard the Rick-stery Machine after Birdperson and Squanchy before taking off. "After her!"

"Come on guys, we gotta help Rick!" Haruko yelled as she handled the Machine's controls and drove the spaceship around Homeworld like a crazy person. "Running in the nineties, it is a new way I like to be!" she began singing as she drove, narrowly dodging enemy fire and causing more damage along the way. "I'm just running in the nineties! Come on, baby, run to me!"

"Aw squanch yeah, Tokyo drift!" Squanchy cheered before Birdperson got in the way and took control away from Haruko.

"Let's be serious for a moment, we need to get Rick and the portal gun back," Birdperson said as he set the Rick-stery Machine on course towards Rick and Repre's duel, but not before he turned to discover Haruko staring up at him with big, pleading puppy-dog eyes and her hands clasped innocently together. "Fine. If it makes you feel any better, I can run over Repre if you'd like."

"Yippee!" Haruko cheered excitedly as the Rick-stery Machine steered towards Rick.

"It's over, Repre; I have the high ground!" Rick boasted to Repre while standing just a few feet above the representative director, who stood defiantly on the ledge beneath the scientist.

"You underestimate my power!" Repre yelled as he lunged towards Rick with his lightsaber, ready for one final attack.

"Don't try it." Rick growled as he turned to notice the Rick-stery Machine heading his way. "Because I have a flight to catch!" He then pulled out the Rickenbacker and used it to chop Repre's mechanical arm off midflight, making Medical Mechanica's second-in-command drop his jaw in horror as he lost his grip on his lightsaber before the Rick-stery Machine smashed into him, causing Repre to fall out of the sky and towards the darkest depths of Homeworld.

"CURSE YOU RICK SAAAAANCHEEEEEEZ!" Repre screamed angrily while shaking his remaining fist in vengeance before an N.O. portal swallowed him up mere moments before he could violently hit the ground while Rick jumped into the Rick-stery Machine to reunite with the gang.

"Oh yeah, wubba lubba dub dub, totally nailed it!" Rick cheered as he got onboard the band's ship, just as Haruko greeted him with a hug.

"Rick, did you see me there? I beat the shit out of Yellow Diamond!" Haruko asked excitedly.

"Hot damn, you did?! Good for you, sweetheart!" Rick replied as they broke apart, and Rick took the wheel. "Okay, gang, now that we have the portal gun back, let's get outta this damn jewelry store!"

"Uh, one problem, Rick." Squanchy said, bringing everyone's attention to the numerous Gem ships surrounding them. "WE'RE SQUANCHING SURROUNDED!"

"I've had enough of your games, Rick Sanchez. Surrender at once or die!" Yellow Diamond yelled from her yellow arm-shaped ship. "I swear, this has been one of the worst days of my life, thanks to you!"

"Yeah, I'm really starting to hate you and your shitty planet too, Yellow." Rick belched derisively. "Okay, guys, I know of a way out of this; you just gotta trust me on this one."

"We'll follow you every step of the way, Rick." Haruko declared, making Birdperson grimace with concern for the girl as Rick plugged his portal gun into the ship's console and began cranking his miniature dimensional travel device into overdrive. "So where are we going with this?"

"Who the hell knows?!" Rick laughed maniacally as he took the wheel while the portal fluid coursed through the Rick-stery Machine, causing it to vanish in a blinding flash of green light and leaving no evidence that the Flesh Curtains were even there.

In another flash of green light, the Rick-stery Machine suddenly lost power as it reappeared in the middle of a strange jungle-like area. As the Flesh Curtains stumbled out of the Machine, Rick continued laughing like a madman. "HAHAHA, WE DID IT! OH, SWEET BABY JESUS, WE DID IT!"

"What did we do?" Birdperson asked while looking around the area. "And where are we?"

"Hm, seems like Dimension M-204." Rick burped as he unplugged the portal gun to check their location, only to realize that his daredevil stunt had drained the device of its portal fluid. "Well, shit. Portal fluid's all out, meaning we'll be stuck here for a while until I can make more."

"Get your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" Haruko yelled as Rick saw that she was being harassed by a pair of monkeys, one of whom had red fur and one of which had yellow fur. "Rick, the monkeys won't leave me alone!"

"Where did these guys come from?" Squanchy asked. "Oh squanch, are these some of Caesar's guys?!"

"I don't think so, Squanchy; Caesar's clan isn't quite so colorful." Birdperson observed the two monkeys as Rick got out of the Rick-stery Machine.

"Hey, get off my daughter figure, you crazy chimps!" Rick yelled at the monkeys before he slowly began to recognize them. "Wait a second, I recognize those colors!" Picking up the yellow monkey, Rick began looking over the strangely-colored simian's fur before he came to a conclusion. "That jokin' son of a bitch, I'd recognize his work anywhere!"

"Who? Who are you talking about?" Haruko asked Rick as the band heard a rustling in the bushes, causing the two monkeys to chatter in excitement as a figure in a blue robe approached the Flesh Curtains.

"Sparx, Nova, there you two are." The man said with a warm smile as he collected the monkeys. "Well well, Rick Sanchez. I never thought I'd see you again."

Elsewhere, in a far off dimension within the Central Finite Curve, the Citadel of Ricks floated peacefully, inhabited by alternate versions of Rick Sanchez from across infinite realities where he is the smartest man alive. And one of those Ricks, a ripperdoc from Dimension C-2077, was hard at work on a particularly loud patient.

"MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!" Repre screamed in agony as the ripperdoc Rick fitted him with a new mechanical arm where Rick had chopped it off in their duel on Homeworld, while the Lord Superior Officer looked on with a disappointed look on his face. "Please, master, I promise I'll be good! Just have mercy on me!"

"Jesus poledancing on the cross, I can't work like this while you're screaming like a little bitch!" Ripperdoc Rick complained without a shred of empathy for Repre before showing Demido his clone's new arm. "How's it look?"

"Exemplary work, I'd expect no less from a denizen of C-2077." The Lord Superior Officer smiled with satisfaction before frowning at his second in command. "Let this be a lesson to you, Repre. I won't tolerate any more failures of this capacity. I only rescued you from falling to your death because you still have a part to play, but if you fall out of line again. Well, to give you an idea." To demonstrate, Demido picked up a discarded piece of cyberware and crushed it in his hand. "Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir." Repre groaned in defeat before Ripperdoc Rick returned to work on his arm, causing the representative director to scream in pain yet again. "Please tell me it'll be over soon!"

"I believe he's had enough." Demido calmly said to Ripperdoc Rick.

"Yeah, I'm just about done with this guy anyway. He won't stop pissing all over my good chair." Ripperdoc Rick replied as he finished his work and allowed Repre to get back up. "Okay, that'll be fifty thousand blemflarcks. And that check better not bounce, Locutus!"

"How about some Kalaxian crystals instead?" Demido smirked as he bribed the ripperdoc with the hallucinogenic rocks, making the doc's eyes widen in excitement as he ground them into dust and snorted them up.

"Oh hell yeah, my spice is flowing, dawg!" Ripperdoc Rick yelled excitedly as his mind expanded, his eyes turned blue, and he got a rock-hard erection. "Ooh, I feel like jacking off right now! Gotta go!"

"You Ricks never cease to crack me up." Demido rolled his eyes as Ripperdoc Rick scampered off to pleasure himself during his drug high. "Tell me, my son, how do you feel after that?"

"I don't think I'm going to be moving my arms after a while," Repre grumbled as the pain began to subside. "Why did you bring me to the Citadel of Ricks, though? You could've just left me to die!"

"You'll learn once I bring you to the Council." The Lord Superior Officer said as he ushered his representative director out of the clinic and through the citadel. Repre cringed at the vast ocean of Ricks and their Morties that he had to wade through while following his boss to their chosen destination.

Eventually, the big two of Medical Mechanica made their stop at the headquarters of the Council of Ricks, the overseers of Citadel society and of all Ricks in the multiverse, where they would be ushered into the building by a group of Rick guards.

"State your name and business, visitor." One of the Ricks ordered.

"I am Demido Kuriya, Lord Superior Officer of Medical Mechanica." Demido introduced himself. "This is my right-hand man and representative director, Repre S. Entative. We come here seeking an audience with the Council of Ricks."

"Right this way, sir." The Rick said, leading the duo to the five Ricks the guards worked for, who all had individualized hairstyles making them stand out from the rest.

"Mighty Council of Ricks, I am Demido Kuriya." Demido declared as he kneeled before the Council. "My right-hand man and I come to you seeking your guidance in regards to a certain Rick we've been following for some time and wish to deliver to you."

"Yes, Rick C-137, we've heard." Riq IV stated. "You've told us about how he's interfering with your grand plans to capture the Pirate King Atomsk in order to fulfill your dark desires for control over all sentient beings that have ever lived, ever will live, ever had lived, yadda yadda."

"And he has done nothing but humiliate me and make me question my status!" Repre added angrily. "If there is any help you could offer us, I'm begging for it!"

"I believe we can." Riq IV said before he pressed a button to reveal a portal gun on a pedestal. "By the power vested in me as a member of the Council of Ricks, we bestow upon you a portal gun to allow for a wider range of dimensions to travel to. In addition, we specifically modified it to allow you to zero in on C-137's current location. Use this wisely."

"Oh yes, we shall!" Repre said eagerly as he took the portal gun, excited to regain his honor before a Medical Machine burst through one of the headquarters' windows and landed in a typical superhero fashion. "And what do you want?"

The Medical Machine then displayed a message in a strange language that only the Lord Superior Officer seemed to understand. But when he translated it, Demido was very elated with what he was reading. "They found Atomsk."

"Well, well, well, never thought I'd see you again!" Rick smirked in Dimension M-204 as the mystery man stood before the Flesh Curtains, revealing pale grey skin and heterochromatic eyes, his left eye being light blue and his right eye being red, and a pointed goatee. "So, this your little pet project now?"

"Rick, who is this dude?" Haruko asked regarding the strange man that Rick apparently has a history with.

"Oh, pardon me for not telling you guys earlier." Rick laughed as he walked towards his cloaked friend. "Al, I'd like you to meet my band, the Flesh Curtains. Everybody, meet the Alchemist."

And that's where we shall end things off for now. Rick and the band may be stranded in the world of Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go during the time before the kindly Alchemist became the villainous Skeleton King, but they'll be back to playing music and causing chaos soon enough with such a genius who combines science and magic by their side. In the meantime, Medical Mechanica veers ever so closer to Atomsk, which can only mean bad news for the multiverse at large. What dimensions will Rick and Haruko explore next, how much will Rick's bad influence increase, and how will it all lead up to Fooly Falls? You'll just have to stay tuned!

#rick and morty #flcl #fanfiction #crossover #rick and haruko #rick sanchez #haruko haruhara #repre s. entative #demido kuriya #avatar the last airbender #general zhao #steven universe #pink diamond #yellow diamond #blue diamond #white diamond #super robot monkey team hyperforce go #the alchemist

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