#reneé rapp fanfiction

[iluvapplesxh]

hi! i don’t know if you are still taking requests but if you do, can you please write a reneé x reader where basically the reader is struggling with an ed? this would help me so much, thank you 🫶🏻

『Pretty Sad Eyes』

❀ pair: reneé rapp x fem!reader

✰ summary: All you wanted was to like yourself. To look at yourself and not feel that awful hate towards your own body. The body you were supposed to love and adore, right? Well there's another thing you failed in.

✯ warnings: eating disorder, self-harm, kind of suicidal thoughts (?), please do not read if you feel like any of this could trigger you. !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

✒ a/n: I swear I spend so much time picking out a song, and I would bet money ppl don't give a rat's ass lol.

Hot, salty  tears burned your eyes which bore into the mirror in front of you.  You swallowed the saliva gathering in your mouth with a painful difficulty. You took slow steps back from the mirror and soon sat on the bed behind you when the back of your legs bumped into them. You held your head in your hands, face against your palms as you tried desperately to settle your thoughts, but it seemed they were relentless. 

God, you wished you could just stop thinking like this. Stop yourself from thinking about having a better body every time you see your own reflection in something. But it wasn’t that easy. You realized a long time ago that even if you did have a different body, you would still find flaws in it without fault. So ultimately, your brain was the problem.

Your body was tired, the constant change of slipping in and out of the stages of ‘it’s my body, who cares what anyone thinks?’ and ‘I wish I would like myself more’ making it exhausted in a way no words could explain. You wanted to claw at your skin until something would change. Anything.

PLEASE.

You used to plead to whatever God there was out there to make it stop. To make it all come to an end because you couldn’t live like this anymore. You didn’t want to. You hated yourself so bad and no one understood.

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, you look fine”

“Are you serious? Come on, you can’t joke about stuff like that-

Some people actually suffer”

You did, too. You suffered every day from the endless dark thoughts of your mind which you couldn’t seem to escape no matter how fast you ran away from them, they always caught up to you until you were pushed to your knees, crying  and pleading with them to go, to leave because you couldn’t live your life like this.

Always in constant fear of people thinking; “Ugh, look at her. Bet she walks into the plus size aisle in a few secs” or something among the lines. You never really dared to give what other people thought much thought, just that it was something awful and if you could hear it you’d cry. Because that was the only thing you could do, cry and cry as your fridge soon was left empty and your kitchen was only filled with any food when Reneé was over.

Oh, Reneé.

The reason for your existence.  Your rock. Your everything and yet you could never get yourself to tell her about your struggles. You knew they would probably hurt her more than they did you and you never wanted that. No, you loved her too much for that. 

Was she growing suspicious about how fast your weight dropped? Of course, but you’d just told her you have a great gym coach. Obviously she didn't believe it, but decided not to push. And maybe if she did it wouldn’t have gotten to be as bad as it is. Maybe then you wouldn’t have those, seemingly unhealing lines littering your forearms which you’ve caused in those moments where all you could think about is looking better, feeling better. Maybe if you cut enough times you would shrink and magically look better.

Come on now

Don’t be a fool.

You obviously can’t lose weight from cutting yourself.

But it felt like it, you ate less and less and you cut more and more until the pain wasn’t anything sort of pain anymore, just sweet sweet relief where you didn’t feel like shit.

Your head lifted from your hands when you heard a seemingly hurried number of knocks on your door. You wiped your eyes and stood, walking over to and opening the door. Your tired eyes met concerned blue ones and you didn’t know how to feel.

“Babygirl?” Reneé spoke after a couple moments of stillness, her hands clenching and unclenching by her sides as her eyes raked over your slumped figure.

You slowly stepped aside for her to come in, when she did you closed the bedroom door and crossed your arms, biting your lower lip to stifle a hiss when the sleeves of your hoodie brushed roughly against your only couple hours old cuts. Reneé didn’t stand far away from you, expression soft.

“Talk to me, baby” Her voice pleaded, her hands reaching out to you but stopping midway as if afraid to touch you.  “Please, I know you’re not okay. I’m not blind” She shook her head.

Your brows furrowed and your gaze fell to the floor, swallowing around the forming lump in your throat. “I- can’t” Your words were barely above anything but a whisper when you spoke and Reneé puffed out a sigh. 

“Yes, yes, you can” 

Your eyes stayed on the floor and your arms fell to your sides. You kept quiet until your girlfriend spoke again. “Tell me. I’m here. I’m listening and I can make it all better” Although her tone held promises, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak. Her hands finally reached you and placed themselves on your upper arms, her heart sinking to the pit of her stomach when she felt the unusually thinner limb.

Your eyes lifted to look at the expression on her face. One of realisation. You expected your heart to start beating faster, for it to jump in your throat out of fear but no, you were calm. Like you didn’t even care.

“No…” Reneé breathed out, shaking her head.

Your jaw clenched  and your eyes met hers, her chest tightening at the look of sheer nothingness in yours. Her hands left your arms in an instant and grabbed your face. “Baby-” She began saying in a warning tone but her voice broke. 

“I’m sorry” You finally spoke but it was as if you didn't mean it. Why the fuck did you not care? You should, so then why are you acting like this.

“Why? Why, you’re so- so perfect” She almost cried out.

That comment. You knew what she meant, and that it was with all the good intentions in the world but it only seemed to make you angry. “You-... you don’t get to just say that!”  Your words confused her but you didn’t let her speak again. “You don’t get to just tell me that and expect everything to be fine! For me to be fine! I’m not!” Angry and sad tears flooded your eyes. “I’m so fucking tired and-...” 

Reneé shushed you gently, pulling you against her body while her arms wrapped around your body. “I know. I know, baby” And she really did know that you were right, she just simply tried to believe otherwise. “I’m sorry. M’sorry” She whispered into your hair and swallowed when your own arms finally wrapped around her torso. 

“I’ll help. I promise” Her voice broke and tears slipped from her eyes before she closed them, her body shaking in sync with yours as you sobbed against her shoulder. “God, I love you so much” She cried, not wanting the realisation of the situation sink in. The fact that you very possibly could have been slowly dying and she didn’t even know. She held you tighter than ever, more words of comfort slipping from her trembling lips.

You felt the smallest sense of relief wash over you at the feeling of being in Reneé’s arms. You felt hope. Like you could finally let go of all those thoughts and the scale and the blade. She was your guardian angel, only she showed up a little later than either of you would’ve wanted.

But she was here now, and she knew. 

She would do anything to not to have to look into those oh so pretty but just as sad eyes again.

✒ a/n: one more this weekend because I found the time i actually had so many things to do but i did this so enjoy! i guess.

also!

this is very much a safe place for everyone with these kind of 'problems' and please, please, please talk to me. anon or not, I just want you to be okay <3

REQUESTS OPEN ♡

[girlkisser13]

reneé rapp masterlist

* indicates smut

headcanons

dating reneé rapp would include

nsfw headcanons *

imagines

girls

headcanons

[superhaught]

Sweetest Girl (Chapter Five)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warning(s): continuation of angst but don't worry

Word Count: 2250, part 5/5

First ever fully finished fic if you can believe it

as per usual, @sapphicantics saw it first <3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Monday: the remainder of the day was a special kind of hell crafted just for you. 

When you left Regina in the bathroom, you sprinted straight outside to the courtyard and collapsed on the ground against a tree trunk and just sobbed. Full on shaking, head-in-hands, sobbed. If someone were there to ask you what was wrong, you wouldn’t know what to say. You were just… so overwhelmed. 

You didn’t even know when you got close enough to Regina that it hurt in your chest so bad to be… to be, what? In a fight with her? Was it even a fight? 

Everything you were feeling was a nightmare. 

You were confused but you were pissed at her for being confusing. And you were still trying to be nice and understanding but you were fucking hurt. You felt stupid for even allowing yourself to catch feelings for the mean girl. But you felt stupider for thinking that because Regina wasn’t mean. Not really.

So you just sobbed. You sobbed through your lunch hour and stopped yourself when the bell rang. You stood up, wiped your face with your sleeve, dusted your pants off, and went to class. There was nothing else to do right now, and you didn’t want this thing with Regina to ruin another class today. 

And even though you tried your best, you couldn’t focus through the end of the day. Suddenly, the final bell went off and you were being dismissed with no recollection of the past three hours worth of lectures. 

You walked home from school, taking the long way so that you could listen to fifteen more minutes worth of music and therefore, get fifteen more minutes without having to think. 

You didn’t see Regina again after your conversation in the bathroom. You were glad that she didn’t see you being a pathetic wreck over this. 

When Regina was left alone in the bathroom, she clenched her fists so hard that her manicure hurt her palms. She locked herself in a stall and punched the door after slamming in shut as tears stung the corners of her eyes. 

She took one deep breath. And then another. Trying desperately to calm herself. But it didn’t work. 

Nothing made sense. 

Regina knew, had known, for a long time, that she liked girls. But more importantly, she knew that she wasn’t supposed to. 

So her crush on Janis had to die along with their friendship. 

The tension with Cady was… well that was its own thing. Getting hit by a goddamn bus nipped that in the bud pretty quick.

She always got by pretending. She could date boys for a couple weeks at a time, perform the way she was supposed to, even have sex with them. It didn’t matter that she hated it as long as no one was the wiser. 

But you… 

You were different. 

She liked you. She really fucking liked you. And she also hated you for it. Because you were going to ruin her life. And she knew it. 

You were too fucking sweet. And too fucking perfect. And when she thought about it too hard, Regina would think stupid shit like “I’d rather get hit by three busses in rapid succession than lose that perfect, sweet, fucking infuriating girl.” 

Regina punched the bathroom stall door one more time to make herself cry because she needed to cry but she also needed an excuse to and so as the tears started to fall she took out one of those paper toilet seat covers and laid it down on the seat before sitting down and bawling. 

Twenty minutes later, Regina walked out of the stall and took her portable ice roller out of her purse, swiping it under her eyes a few times while sniffling. She cleaned her face and reapplied her makeup and then left school and took herself home early. 

Regina told her mom that she wasn’t feeling well, went straight to her bedroom, dry-swallowed her prescription naproxen, and went to sleep. 

Tuesday: you stuck to your routine to stay sane. 

You woke up at 5:30 and walked to school. You were able to get inside as soon as the doors were unlocked. You went to the weight room and worked out for ten minutes so that it wouldn’t look weird for you to use the showers, even though you were the only soul there at that hour. Then you went to the cafeteria to pick up your free breakfast. Couldn’t complain today, you always liked the cinnamon Texas toast. 

You ate, attended your early class, and then sat out front to read while your classmates rolled in before first period. 

Once again, you heard Regina’s Jeep before you saw it. You didn’t want to look up, but you did anyway. 

You watched her park her car but she didn’t get out. You watched Gretchen and Karen walk across the parking lot and tap on her window just to be apparently shooed away, because they came back looking like kicked puppies. 

You had to leave to get to class on time so you never saw Regina get out of her car and walk into the school. 

So you waited anxiously until chemistry, but she never showed. 

When class ended, you walked up to your teacher’s desk.

She looked up, “yes?” 

“I know you can’t actually answer this… but do you know why Regina wasn't in class today?” 

“I figured you’d have a better idea than me, why do you ask?” 

“I’m just worried about her.” 

Your teacher smiled, “then, I’d suggest you tell her that.” 

You nodded and left. Taking a deep breath, you took your phone out and sent a tentative text to Regina. 

Hey, you weren’t in class. You okay?

A few minutes passed but then she responded, had a meeting at the same time. Y? Miss me? 

You rolled your eyes and typed back, will you be in class tomorrow? Just wanna know how many lectures I’ll have to catch you up on. 

You’re sweet. But I’m very accomplished at chemistry now, remember? 

She sent a double text a moment later, I’ll probably make an appearance. 

Again, yours and Regina’s paths didn’t cross for the rest of the day. By the time you were leaving the building to go home, Regina’s parking space was already empty. 

You sighed and began your trek with plans to stop for groceries at the store on the way. 

After purchasing the cheapest loaf of white bread and as many cans as twenty dollars could buy. But before you checked out, you replaced one Hormel chili can with a Mountain Dew from the fridge in the check out aisle. 

Regina stuck it out for the whole day this time but she was first out of the parking lot when the day ended. Nothing could keep her in that building longer than she had to be right now. 

The only issue was that she didn’t want to go home either. 

Without thinking about it too much, Regina ended up putting her car in park in the same spot that she dropped you off that weekend.

She sighed and stretched her neck from one side to the other. She was sore from physical therapy earlier. 

After sitting there for twenty minutes cycling through radio stations all playing the same top forty songs, she realized that she didn’t know what she was doing there. She didn’t know what she would say to you if she saw you. She didn’t want to talk to you… really talk to you… until she had it all figured out.

Regina turned her car back on, pulled back onto the paved road and went home.

Wednesday: the next morning went like any other, with the exception of trudging to school in the pouring rain. 

The night prior, you ate poorly heated-up chili out of a paper bowl and wrote a note for Regina. It culminated to just a few sentences, but you chewed on the end of your pen like it was the most important essay you’d ever written. 

You hoped that it would make some kind of difference. 

You sped through the halls to get to chemistry a few minutes early and you placed the paper note on her seat with the can of Mountain Dew on top of it. 

You were seated by the time Regina came into the classroom. 

She went straight to her desk and set her tote down on the surface then picked up the Mountain Dew and looked over at you, her eyebrow raised. 

You gave her a nervous smile and mouthed “read the note.” 

She rolled her eyes but did as she was told, picking up the paper and then sitting down. 

Regina read: 

“I noticed smuggled Mountain Dews in your bedroom minifridge last time I was there, I assume you don’t usually get to indulge… peace offering? 

I’m sorry. I haven’t handled this right. Can we talk after class, please?” 

Regina tapped her nails on the side of the can and then glanced back over to you with a gentle smile. She nodded and mouthed back, “thank you.” 

Your knee bounced anxiously throughout the entire chem lecture. Once dismissed, you filed out of the classroom and found Regina waiting for you across the hall. 

“You’re fueling a bad habit, you know.” The blonde quipped. 

You smiled and nodded, but had a hard time meeting her eyes. You looked at the floor instead. 

“Hey,” Regina spoke softly, “I’m not going to bite.” 

You finally looked up at her, “I said things to you that I regret, I shouldn’t-“ 

“Are you seriously apologizing to me right now? I should be the one apologizing.” 

“You? Why?” 

Regina scoffed, “for everything that I did. For freaking out. For dragging you out of my house. And… for this…” 

You just stood there and gave her a confused expression. 

Regina sighed and looked down at her hands as she whispered, “I’m sorry… I don’t think I can do this… I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have…” 

“Regina…” you instinctively stepped forward and reached for her hand but she pulled away from it. 

The blonde looked around the hall and saw curious eyes starting to fall on the both of you. 

You watched her hands begin to tremble before she clasped them together.  

“I can’t do this… please… please try to understand…” 

You looked around the hall, too. You saw the eyes of your classmates. Those scrutinizing eyes that had pegged you and Regina each as two completely different things before your ages even reached double digits. Eyes that belonged to people who decided that Regina would always be one way, and you would always be another. 

You took a deep breath in and looked at the blonde again, “I… I understand, Regina.” 

The blonde swallowed a pained sound in her throat and almost reached for you. Almost. She managed to choke out, “what can I do?” She was shaking and her eyes were watering. It broke you. 

You started to cry openly, letting the tears fall freely, and you shrugged, “I dunno, Gina… I just… I hope you take care of yourself, ‘kay?” You started to turn to walk away. You didn’t want Regina, or the entire school, to see you cry. You didn’t want to be in this for any longer. You didn’t want Regina George to have any more of a hold on you than she already did. 

“Wait!” 

You heard the blonde call out after you but you were already pushing the door to the exterior open. 

“Wait!” She called out again but the rain was drowning everything besides your own heartbeat out now. 

You didn’t stop until a hand closed around your wrist and halted you. 

Regina. She was there. Standing out in the rain with you. She grasped your wrist while rain drenched her perfect hair and began to melt her perfect makeup and wet her perfect clothes. 

Your classmates were pressed up against glass windows, watching like vultures while Regina George chased someone outside. 

You just stared at her. 

Regina sobbed and then laughed hysterically and shook her head, “I’ve been such a fucking idiot!” 

You continued to stare. You didn’t know what else to do with Regina holding your wrist and apparently losing it. 

She shook her head again, “you can’t just walk away… you can’t let me ruin this because you think it’s the noble thing to do… you should… you should be selfish…” 

“What are you saying?” 

Regina stepped a hair closer to you and lifted her free hand up, gently cradling your cheek in her palm, “I almost threw away the only person who’s actually given a shit about me… because I was scared… and you would have let it happen because you thought it’s what I wanted… because you’re too sweet for your own good… and because… I’m a liar… and I have spent… so long… caring about what other people think of me… I’m exhausted… I’m exhausted and I don’t care anymore… the only thing I want is to kiss you… please… please let me kiss you…” 

You slowly pulled your wrist out of her grasp, but not to pull away from her. You grabbed Regina George’s face in your hands and pulled her in and pressed your lips to hers. 

More importantly, Regina George wrapped her arms around you and kissed you back.

[delusion-mostly]

Regina George x Reader

Part 1/32 (yeah I know, right?)

Warnings: angst if you squint, name calling, suggestive wording

I wrote this a while ago, if you think I need to add anything else for this one, lmk!

Word count: 1,265

"What the hell are you doing on my ice, George? The hockey team already released the team list, we can't accept anyone else. Either way, we don't like drama."

"Actually, I'm not on the ice," Regina gives you a dirty look, pointing at the fact that she is right outside the ice, not on it, "and ew, this does not sound appealing. You look like a fridge wearing a knockoff dollar-store sports jersey. This also looks a bit rough." she makes a gesture at your outfit, and size.

Well, she was right. The school had a small budget for the women's team, and you tower over her. Your shoulder pads add to the size, you really are built like a fridge at the moment.

"Then what are you here for? To call me another slur?" You take your helmet off and lean your head down on your stick, smirking, "here for a good time?"

Regina fake gags, "Absolutely no. Gross. Quit speaking," she gives another dirty look, "I saw the poster that you needed a manager for the team. I can't play any sports and everything is so fucking lame. I can at least see fights here." She shrugs

"And why do you of all people want to be involved in anything  that doesn't involve pretty pink glitter and being a massive bitch?" Putting emphasis in the 'B' in bitch, you poke Regina with your stick.

"If I didn't have to I wouldn't," she shoves the stick off of her shoulder, "but my therapist is making me. I can't let last year consume me, and I have to be helpful or whatever."

You look at the clock and put your helmet back on then glide across the ground, your skates leaving gashes in the ice. Regina stands by the opening into the rink, dumbfounded that someone had just walked away from her. The clock makes a loud buzzing noise and pucks fly into the net and scatter the ice around it.

"Well, George, you gotta work up the food chain here," you get a smug look on your face, "Practice is over! We don't have to get the pucks tonight. Our lovely new manager Miss Regina George will get it for us. Won't you?" you skate up to the blonde, whose eyes sit wide.

The team leaves to the locker room before leaving the building as Regina nods. She could not believe that someone had actually spoken to her like that. You ask her shoe size, go to the locker room, and come out with a pair of skates. They are blue and gold, and old. Like, really old looking. The blade is sharp but the leather is worn and creased. You intentionally grabbed the oldest pair that would fit her. Queen Bee George wouldn't own the ice like she did the rest of the school. You drop the skates in front of Regina.

"You expect me to know how the hell to put these on?"

"Are you ACTUALLY kidding me right now George?" You don't get an answer, so you sit down in front of Regina, "wow you aren't. I will do this one time, and one time only." You hold up a one on your hand and Regina nods.

You lace the skates while Regina complains about how tight they are, then you describe why they had to be so tight, she finds some way to complain about your reasoning too. You lead her on to the ice, she isn't an awful skater, although she falls once. You teach her how to collect the pucks by scooting the net around the ice, then take her to the locker room.

"I really need to get out of these clothes, but as the captain it's my job to tell you what your jobs are. So I hope you don't mind," You start taking off your jersey, "so basically you will make sure the locker room and ice stays clean. You'll scrape the ice, make sure it's clean and pretty, get our stuff on the bus for away games, basic shit." you peel the outer layers of your gear off.

"So I don't have to drive the zimbabwe or whatever?" Regina asks, relief washing over her as she looks at you.

"No you will not be driving a whole ass country, honey," You look dumbfounded, "The custodial staff or our coach are the only ones who operate the ZAMBONI. And quit looking. I can't tell if you're jealous or you want me." You smirk over at Regina as she quickly rotates her head away from your direction.

You finish changing, she glances over at you one more time while your back muscles flex, pulling a shirt over your head. You throw on a pair of faded jeans and a red flannel. You pull your phone out and hand it to Regina on the contacts page.

"This by no means is asking you to ever speak to me outside of anything hockey related, or even hockey related, actually. Never text me," you smile and take the phone back from Regina, "this is just so I can add you to the team group chat."

Regina is left speechless, she has never ever been disrespected like that.

"You literally just met me, what the fuck is your problem? I will not let my year be ruined by your rude ass." Regina scoffs.

"My problem, Regina, is that my name was in that little book of yours. Right next to the words 'body count higher than points scored' and 'hockey lez'," you sit and stare at Regina, "I do not want to talk to you outside of this sport, and I will talk to you as little as I can here. I appreciate that you are getting better and working on your behavior after last years events, but this does not change the fact that words are mean. It didn't hurt, but I don't make company with assholes."

You walk out to your car, a 2015 Subaru Forester. You don't notice Regina's highly recognizable Jeep in the parking lot, and see her walk out of the building. She keeps walking past the parking lot, sprinkles of rain splattering the ground around her. You are an asshole, but not that big of one. You speed out of the lot and pull up next to Regina, who is walking down the side walk with her hot pink hood over her head, and roll your window down.

"Why are you walking? It's raining and you have a nice Jeep. This is ridiculous George." You shout.

"I still don't trust myself driving alone after the accident in case my back locks up, I like the rain, I'm fine." Regina keeps her head forward.

"Are you sure? As captain it is my obligation to make sure everyone get's home safe."

"Oh my God, you have already said you hate me, would you MOVE ON you fucking lesbo." Regina yells.

"Great choice of words when you are trying to better yourself Regina." You clench your jaw, roll your window up, and speed off.

This was going to be one great year, you can just feel it.

Part 2 / Part 3

[stonerfromlesbos]

love was the law | reneé rapp.

warnings: religious household, internal homophobia, denial, angst and i think thats it.

summary: she was your childhood bsf, but you grew differently… what happens when you aren’t able to control yourself anymore? well, you truly saw the consequences of that.

“why does my skin starts to burn?”

that’s the only thought that would keep you up all night, was it so wrong? but why you couldn’t get enough of her?

— months before.

you and reneé had been best friends for almost your entire existence, she had always been your home, your safe space.

You truly believed that nothing would ever keep you away from each other, well, you were wrong.

since you two started growing up, she had always been that rebellious kid, and you? you were your parents babydoll, always dressed in pink, bows all over your hair, long shiny skirts… while she always dressed boyish, and it annoyed your parents, really annoyed them.

you were in your junior year of high school, reneé was in her senior, she was two years older than you, you two had changed, and you could help but blush around her, she always treated you so nicely, you just thought of her all the time. this is normal isn’t it? she is your best friend, is normal to want her all the time.. to shiver each time her hands acidentally brush your thighs.

her being older wouldn’t matter to you, but it did to your parents.

can you picture an extremely religious household? well you could, because you lived in one, your best friend always invited you to do stuff and you were almost locked inside your house 24/7.

she had invited you to an party, but you politely said no, knowing that you couldn’t go even if you wanted to.

well, she didn’t listen this time, and now you were staring at your window, in panic.

reneé climbed an fucking tree.

she was outside your fucking window.

you were so fucking screwed.

“what are you waiting for?? open this up!” she whispered loud enough for you to hear and almost freak out, as soon as you opened the window, she slowly entered your bedroom

“what are you doing were?! it’s 10pm i need to sleep!!” you said, extremely paranoid that your parents would hear something, you felt your body burning around her, as she stared at you up and down with an smirk

“you are going to that party, its my eighteen birthday, you have to go.” she said with an whiny tone, almost begging for you to go

“ren you know that I can’t…” you said breaking the eye contact, feeling embarrassed

“hey, look at me” she gently touched your hands, holding your pinky finger “i will bring you back in less than 2 hours okay? pinky promise.” she said looking deeply at your eyes, her gaze always made your heart race and you didn’t understand why.

“okay.. but i don’t know what to wear, and i know your friends would make fun of me if i showed up with any of my pink dresses.” you knew that reneé’s friends were the cool kids, you truly couldn’t understand why she even sticked by your side.

“do you think i didn’t thought about that?” she said with an cozy smile, giggling as she handed you an pink top with a little bow, delicate lacy details, and some of her pants… “mastermind here babe.” she says in an cocky tone, giggling. but you just blushed heavily with the nickname, she would normally just call you ‘bunny’, ‘darling’…

“do you bought this top just for me? its not something you would usually have in your wardrobe…” you giggle shyly, she was usually with baggy clothes, nothing that feminine and delicate.

“yep, im not such a princess like you are, now go get dressed, i cant be late to my own party” she giggled pushing you to your closet, as you dresses the outfit she gave you… the top was tight, tight enough to make a little bit of your chest show.

you really wanted to wear it so you put an white jacket on top of it. as you walked out of the closet, reneé just stared at you.

“you’re gorgeous bunny” she said getting closer to you and grabbing your hand “ready to go?” you quickly nod your head as she helps you jump your own window.

— 1 hour after.

she didn’t leave your side, but you could feel all the looks her friends gave you, it made you want to cry. as soon as you could, you locked yourself in the bathroom.

“what’s wrong with me?”

that’s all you could think, until you heard an knock on the door. “bunny? are you in there? let me in” you opened the door to find reneé with her messy blonde hair and her deep blue eyes staring at you.

“what happened? did someone said something to you? are you okay?” she said feeling your sad gaze, she stared at you with genuine concern. but you didn’t say nothing, you just look down as she surprises you by wrapping her both arms around your sides, hugging you tightly.

you couldn’t do nothing but hug her back and shiver with her warmth… you felt your heart racing, your body trembling, your legs slightly shaking. you finally stared at her, but not in an usual way, you couldn’t control yourself, you just followed your instincts. you were tired of holding back what you craved for years.

“bunny? what are you doin-“ she tried to say before you interrupted her with your lips on her mouth, she was surprised but she kissed you back. you didn’t have any experience in this, the kiss started in a sloppy way until she started to control it. reneé’s hands started to go down your sides, landing on your waist.

the kiss was slow, soft, passionate… until you back down and stared at her in disbelief. “i-im sorry” you said as she stared at you with an smirk “stop it bunny, you don’t imagine how long i was waiting to do this” her smirk disappeared as tears started going down your face.

“this is wrong, i need to go, i need to go home” you said frenetically, almost having an panic attack.

“w-wait, what?” she says not understanding why you were so freaked out

“i can’t be like this, i-i can’t be a lesbian, i literally can’t, i am a good girl i-i need to act like one… f-fuck why i feel like my skin is burning”

you walked out of the bathroom, leaving her alone there as she tried to follow you, you started almost running. “y/n! please come here!” she says tearing up as she runs towards you, when she can finally catch your arm she tries not to cry.

“i-i can take you home, please don’t do this to me bunny, please.” she says tearing apart as she could feel your denial.

“m-my parents were right.. i c-can’t be your friend ren… i-i dream of eternal life, i can’t end up going to hell… i c-cant sin like this.” you said sobbing, backing off as she tries to walk towards you.

“bunny i love you, please, loving someone can’t be the wrong thing to do, right?” she looked at you forcing an smile “right?” she started sobbing as you kept quiet

“god wouldn’t approve us, h-he didnt made me to do such things…. religion is almost the law.” you said sobbing less then before

“love will always be the law, religion is taught.” she says, trying to make you stay.

“i can’t do this, i-im sorry ren.” you said as you continued to walk away from there, with tears rolling down your cheeks. You looked back, seeing her staring at you from a far, like she was waiting for you to come back and hug her again, tell her its okay and you can still be friends. but it didn’t happened.

you came back to your house, sleeping on top of your soaked bible… you cried yourself to sleep that night. the guilt was inside of you, you felt dirty, gross, unlovable. Why you felt like this? why couldn’t you be like her and love who you want to?

you just couldn’t let yourself be like this, you had to be “perfect”, and perfect girls don’t kiss other girls… right?

— 4 years later.

For all these years, the only thing you did was fighted with all the thoughts that made you believe that you need to be “perfect”… one of those things was leaving your parents house and moving to college.

You still remembered her, i think the only thing you couldn’t remember is anytime when she wasn’t in your thoughts. You stalked her on social media, you knew that she had a new girlfriend, you were truly happy for her, besides the thought..

“what would happen if I didn’t runned away that night? what would happen if i didn’t ghosted her? that could be me?”

but the hardest one was thinking that shes right, she deserves someone who had always been ready to show the world what they are… someone unlike you, someone better. that was what made you cry to sleep almost all night.

your college was an really good one, you had a wonderful roommate and you were following your dreams, isn’t that beautiful? well, now you were free from your household and from yourself… but something brought you back there.

“y/n? is it you?”

you heard her voice, reneé’s voice;

and you felt your heart racing just like before;

you’re so fucking screwed.

HEYY GUYS, IM SO GLADD TO BE BACK HERE, HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THIS!!

[pezberrywhoreee]

'Pliable'

pairing: dom!regina george x sub!cady heron

words: 2,361

content warning: mommydom!regina, puppysub!cady, bdsm, d/s dynamic, mommy kink, use of "puppy", wet dream, somnophilia, cnc, brief cunt inspection, strap, breathplay, spit play, light mocking, rough sex, praise, orgasm denial

summary: whatever mommy wants, she gets...no matter what

Regina groaned as she stirred from her sleep when she heard quiet whimpering beside her.

Her eyes started to flutter open and adjusted to the darkness of the room as the whimpers turned into broken breaths, slight shuffles bringing her attention towards her girl.

The blonde turned her body to fully face the writhing girl, a tired smirk turning up her lips when she saw the barley noticeable movement of hips rhythmically pushing up into the air.

Regina watched for a moment to see if Cady would wake from the obvious sexually charged dream, testing how her body reacted to a soft touch spanning the length of her arm.

With a fleeting touch to her hip, the blonde quietly got off the bed, grabbing her phone and made her way to the bathroom to wash away the residual sleep from her face.

She took a moment to admire her reflection, her gaze moving from her half lidded eyes accompanied by the slight smirk that adorned her fresh face. She took in how her sleep shirt fell to expose her midriff and the waistband of her boxers flatteringly. Regina momentarily scrunched her nose in satisfaction.

She confidently snuck back into the dark room to retrieve a black leather harness, as well as a ribbed attachable appendage. Regina made her way back to the bathroom, shuffling out of her boxers and stepping into the legs of the leather.

Expertly, she secured the buckles on her hips, making sure that fit was snug so that the leather would rub against her in addition.

A low groan left her at the secure feeling against her body, aiding in the intensifying of the dominance that she has grown to love.

The girl turned to check out how the straps framed her ass. She grabbed her phone and quickly took a few pictures in her current position, looking at the camera over her shoulder, her ass pushed out and her lips between her teeth.

She attached the toy into the rings before giving herself one last look and slinking back into the bed. A new wave of desire landed in her core at the now whinier sounds that were building in Cady's chest and intensified by desperate rolls of her hips.

Carefully, Regina moved the sleeping girl's hands out of the way, making her all that more vulnerable and open to her ministrations. She peeled back the blanket that was draped over Cady's lower body, humming lowly as her eyes raked down the length of her bare body.

She tried to suppress a chuckle at the shiver and following buck of her hips that possessed the sleeping girl. Regina loved how responsive the girl was. Especially when she was unconscious.

The blonde softly draped a leg over the one closest to her and brought her hands up Cady's jaw. Dull nails skirted around the soft skin, fingers tracing the definition of bone as she carefully listened to breathing that was growing more intense.

A low purr left Regina as she brought up her thumb to toy with the girls damp lips. Running her finger along the pliant flesh, she studied the pattern of breaths that came with each unsatisfying push of hips, more frustrated whines leaving her in turn.

That hand traveled down Cady's body, bluntly scratching at her neck and navel before landing between spread thighs.

Regina situated herself between the girls legs, laying on her stomach comfortably to get a better angle for her plan.

She meticulously spread Cady's legs further to get better access to slick cunt. The backlit sheen coming from the bathroom light allowed the blonde to get a glimpse of the growing arousal accumulating between the girls legs.

Regina brought her thumbs up to spread her open, a wave of air brushing against the warmth of her cunt which elicited a stronger roll of her hips, still desperately searching for contact.

The blonde chuckled quietly at the action as a thumb slid down through the mess and over her steadily leaking hole.

"Mmm~ so pretty", she whispered as her arousal caught the dull light.

Teasingly, Regina circled her thumb around her hole, shallowly dipping in to encourage more arousal to drool out of her. There still was no sign of the girl waking besides certain whimpers that were clearer.

With a smirk, she slid her thumb up through her weeping slit and pressed into the aching nerve that had been begging for attention.

Cady's mouth dropped open and her eyes slightly fluttered at the pressure against her. She began to sleepily rub herself up against the force, mindlessly bringing her legs up to bend at the knees, framing the blonde below her.

The blonde pressed a few wet kisses to both thighs as she kept her thumb still, letting the girl inconsistently push up into her touch.

She attentively watched each change of the girls expression, the heaving of her chest, the eager to relaxed thrusts into her hand. The way that she would submit without question even from an unconscious fantasy.

Regina felt a shiver run through her from the increasing control settling in her body and mind. Her growing arousal due to the pliability of the girl in this moment probably attributed to that too.

Once she felt that she had brought a satisfactory amount of teasing upon the sleeping girl, she pushed herself up and began peppering kisses up her body. Starting at her stomach and up to her chest where she left a few nips, all the way up to her neck and the underside of her jaw.

Regina made sure to pull back as to not startle the girl. "Can you turn around for mommy?" she purred as grabbed her waist and softly encouraged her to roll towards the middle of the bed.

"Very good~". The blonde whispered as she heard a a groan accompanying the excessive amount of movement for the sleeping girl.

Cady safely rolled onto her stomach with minimal whining at which the blonde was very impressed with, considering her insistent claim that the girl was the most responsive person she'd ever met.

Regina swiftly grabbed a thick pillow at the same time as she pulled the girls right arm from under her chest that had gotten trapped during the shift in position, ensuring that she wouldn't wake up from the sudden discomfort.

Just as quickly she pulled Cady's hips up and wedged the pillow beneath her pelvis, lifting her for better access and the benefit of the angle.

Regina let out a tired breath as she pulled back for a minute so that the girl could fall back into sleep after so much movement.

This gave time for the blonde to collect herself before reaching for some lube in the drawer and applying a considerable amount to the toy, as well as Cady.

She watched her breathing even out once more, shaking her head in disbelief when the girl now started pushing her hips down into the pillow, instantly transporting back into the dream.

Regina embellished the girls back with hungry kisses, letting her teeth drag across the supple skin to illicit those little gasps that she loved. She braced her forearms on either side of Cady's head before reaching down and expertly guiding the strap into the girls entrance.

The blonde slowly pushed into the girl, her mouth gaping when she bottomed out and the flat of the leather firmly pushed against her own aching cunt. She stayed in that position to see how the sleeping girl would react but all she got was a hitch of her breath.

Just as slowly the blonde pulled back out, one of her hands went down to grip the bend of the girls torso that transitioned into her pelvis. She let out a shaky breath when she pushed back into her.

The adrenaline of using the malleable girl caught up to her as she started to get into an agonisingly slow rhythm, feeling her own clit throb against the snug material.

Shallow breaths knocked out of her lungs at each deep thrust that she pushed into Cady, humming as little whimpers start flowing out of her.

Regina carefully watched as the girl moved her arms under her head to rest on them, louder mewls leaving her. The blonde gave a soft laugh as Cady finally pushed her ass back into her touch.

On a specifically deep push of the toy Cady let out a heavy gasp, as if she hadn't been breathing all night. Regina had been waiting for a similar reaction as soon as the girl started shifting, which is why she reacted with an expected chuckle.

"Mommy?" the girl slurred, the word sounding more like a hum than anything. Her cunt clamped down on the strap as soon as she had the energy to, small whines leaving her.

Regina kept pushing now that she knew the girl was gaining consciousness. "Sorry puppy, you looked so pretty and open and I couldn't help— myself. Go back to sleep, baby" she purred against the side of her head.

"Mmmhave you been— fucking me this whole—time?" Cady groaned as feeling in her body started to be clearer, feeling each breath and brush and fuck against her.

Regina chuckled at the girls phrasing as well as her bluntness. "Maybe—why? you want me to stop?" the blonde asked as she slowly encouraged the girl to push up on to her knees as she pulled at her hips.

Cady whined as she was once again moved to satisfy Regina's needs. "Mmmno" the girl hummed as she continued to push back against the moving toy.

"That's what I thought~" Regina purred as she grabbed the girls hips, her thumbs almost touching eachother against the girls lower back before putting her weight into her hands, forcing Cady into the mattress and driving into her.

Cady felt herself sink into submission at the way the blonde physically put her down, the grip on her body intense and desperate and inconsiderate. A gutteral moan escaped her as she was consistently pushed deeper into headspace.

"Fuck— hands above your head" Regina commanded, a certain needy push of Cady's hips directly grinding against her clit.

Cady released an exhausted breath as she reached to straighten out her arms in front of her. Her eyes fluttered when she heard the satisfied laugh behind her. "Good listening, pup~" hummed the blonde.

Her hummed 'thank you' got muffled by the pillow at her head but Regina managed to catch it along with the whimper that came with it.

"Were you dream—dreaming about mommy?" the blonde pushed as she continued fucking into the smaller girl, mesmerised at how her ass met with her hips. Her hand found it's way underneath the girl and between her legs, lightly toying with her swollen clit.

Cady hummed affirmatively, now trying to get into a rhythm of grinding against the blondes fingers as well as back against her strap, whiney moans flowing out of her.

She knew that Regina was waiting for her to continue. "You were—using my mmmouth and you made me suck your strap—and I was in chastity" the smaller girl cried as the blonde drove into her with more vigour.

Regina didn't really care, she just wanted to hear the girl struggle to get words out. The blonde found pride in fucking the intelligence out of the girl. "Is that so?" she feigned interest.

Cady responded with a shaky hum before she felt her head being forced backwards.

"Open your mouth~" Regina purred as she brought Cady's torso off the bed, pulling her hair to bend her neck as far as possible.

Regina grinned when she saw her girl with her tongue out, little mewls leaving her as the toy was buried deep inside her at the change in position.

Cady watched with half lidded eyes as the blonde collected saliva in her mouth before leaning over and positioning her mouth over the desperate one. She allowed a thick string of spit to fall into the girls mouth, pushing in the bit that escaped with her thumb.

A hand on Cady's back pushed her into her previous position before she could even swallow the blondes essence. That moment settled directly in her core, whimpering desperately as soon as she was able to fuck back against the blonde.

Regina picked up that the girls sounds were getting more frequent and higher, a smug smirk pulling at her lips as she moved a hand to cover Cady's mouth and continue to pull her back by the hips.

The small girl felt her eyes roll at the move. She felt completely controlled and useless under Regina's touch, like a puppet or a toy being used to appease only the player.

"Shhh~ go back to sleep, baby. I'll try to keep it down" the blonde pushed her feigned care further as she fucked into her relentlessly.

Cady whined at the sub-textual simple disregard of her efforts as Regina ground against her ass, the moans from her lips starting to sound familiar in their high-pitched nature.

"You're making mommy feel so good~". The blonde whimpered as each thrust rubbed against her in the perfect way.

Throaty groans were forced out of Cady as she felt the build up of a climax making itself known, intensified by the harsh grip on her jaw.

"Take it, baby" the blonde attempted to growl but it came out as more of a breath, taken aback by the short cries that got caught in the back of Cady's throat, almost resembling puppy cries without the whine.

These cries that increased in pitch paired with the constant pressure against the blondes clit pushed her over the edge, pushing into the girl one last time with a low moan.

She could feel Cady physically vibrating below her, presumably desperate to have her own climax, however Regina just leaned over her back pushing the exhausted girl down into the bed.

"Sorry did I wake you up? My bad, puppy" the blonde teased before pressing a soft kiss to the girls cheek and drifting back into sleep.

[servingcuntry]

about me

hey there! my name is laera and i use she/they pronouns. i love reneé rapp, towa bird, billie eilish, and more! my many interests include mean girls, writing, poetry, daydreaming, etc.

i've been writing for eight years and spend a lot of my time doing it! i am willing to write fluff, smut, angst, and everything in between. i write anything from oneshots to multi-chapter series <3 i'll also write social media aus/chatfics, ships, etc! i will only write for fem!reader, nb!reader, or gn!reader. as of now, requests are open.

i will not write adult x minor, anything including sa, and darkfics. i also don't do celeb x celeb! i have the right to decline any request that makes me uncomfortable <3

masterlist

* = indicates smut (minors dni)

🎤 celebrities

reneé rapp ☆

nothing here yet!

billie eilish ☆

nothing here yet!

💋 mean girls (2024)

regina george ☆

nothing here yet!

karen shetty ☆

nothing here yet!

gretchen wieners ☆

nothing here yet!

janis imi'ike ☆

nothing here yet!

cady heron ☆

nothing here yet!

🌈 other characters

leighton murray ☆

nothing here yet!

[hermslore]

ABOUT DAMN TIME I EDITED THEM (rant under the cut)

@forever-will-last : I don't think it's obvious AT ALL that a thousand pics is my favourite fanfiction because what do you mean I've edited it four times. I havs no clue what you're saying !!! But, anyway, I LOVE YOUR WRITING in case I haven't made that clear in the not very obvious at all fangirling I have done in your comments (again, literally not me wdym 🤨) and I will eat up and annoy you about dead!aaron au always and forever. 💍

@chisamayas : The only exception actually WAS the first ever cadina fic I ever picked up, I've read most of your work, and I am OBSESSED, I will literally never stop shouting about vampop or the ghost series because when I tell you I LOVE the way you write those characters you have no clue to what extent I actually mean it. Always going to be very annoying about them (and needifer).‼️

@16sydd16 : I LOVE LOVE LOVE get in loser, I came across it one day and devoured 10 chapters and when I tell you I was OBSESSED. They make me SO soft you have no clue literally gnkgykkgx. I could recite get in loser storyline by heart BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME CRY AND SQUEAL AT THE SAME TIME. I hope you know you're doing God's work writing them 😭😭

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Reneé Rapp X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version]

• This is the full version of the prompt, as promised!

• This is a WIP and some thoughts may be inefficient to the story as it was partly written whilst I had been taken ill!

• There will be more!

• Hope you enjoy!

!TW: Implied suffering from self doubt + Anxiety + Separation Anxiety + Depression, self put-downs, mention of previously being bullied, mention/presence of a break-up, swearing, mild hints of jealousy, spoilers regarding the T.J Klune ‘Green Creek’ series, occurrence of a car crash, presence of blood, injury detail, mention of previously almost being a victim of sexual harassment, mention of implied previous sexual occurrences - If I’ve missed any, please let me know!

Stupid/Was it Ever Real

You couldn’t remember days you’d been happier, than you were, now. Reneé was stood to your left, styling her fringe whilst you overlooked your own, wincing; you’d not done a great job at it - at least, you thought you didn’t. You were so distracted by it, as well as anxious about what she would think about what you’d done with it, that you didn’t notice her eyes travelling over to you; the soft smile playing on her lips. Your heart skipped a beat, as soon as you heard her voice beside you.

“Stop being so cute,” she remarked, almost pouting, and you couldn’t help, but giggle softly, your eyes locking with her own, stopping you from turning to face her completely, once her bright orbs had entrapped you within them; her entire being.

You remembered it all so clearly; how she tilted her head partially in your direction, her smile only growing wider to the point your heart almost couldn’t take it. It still made you tense up, to think about how she’d always had this effect on you, ever since you’d first met her.

“You think I’m cute?” You mused, your eyebrows raising a little as she tried not to wince, her smile growing a little more sheepish as she appeared a little exasperated, only making it harder for you to breathe, seeing her in such a state, and all because you were there, beside her. It was hard to believe, knowing she was still there with you, perfect, and full of bright life, whilst you-…

You tried not to sigh, your eyes darkening a little as you looked away from her, trying not to allow a pained expression to cross your face; you doubted you could ever be anything like her; anything enough for her, and that hurt more than anything else ever had, before. Worse than all the bullying you’d ever experienced in your lifetime, before this moment, stood with her before a slightly dirty but bright mirror. You timidly adjusted your glasses, but her eyes never left your’s, now full of concern as well as something else you couldn’t quite figure out, but you loved how it felt, regardless - the warm spark in her eyes.

“You know I do,” she insisted gently, and before you could even recover from the last effect she had had on you, the fingers of her right hand were intertwined blissfully within the fingers of your left one, and you couldn’t breathe, your previous breath hitching in your throat as your eyes widened a little - what felt like little shots of electricity ran through your arm, and you hoped you weren’t getting goosebumps right now underneath your sleeves. “Hey,” she began again, and it was so hard to not look over at her, “baby, look at me-”

“C-Can you tell me again,” you mused slowly, her eyes tracking you keenly, the worry never leaving them as she gently squeezed your hand, never interrupting though you struggled to find the right words to say, your heart aching excruciatingly within your chest more than it ever had, before, “why - why should we date? No, w-why would - why would someone as perfect as you want to date someone like me? Why-”

“Stop it,” she commanded softly, now holding both of your hands within her own, “you know why, silly - I love you-”

“Look at me, Ren,” you interjected, gesticulating to what you believed to be your new mess of a fringe, but she didn’t care; why would something like that perturb her? She found it adorable, in fact, unbeknownst to you. “I’m-”

“You’re perfect, Y/n,” she contradicted, her voice full of determination as well as conviction; she didn’t like to hear that you still believed such things about yourself, and it only made her feel more hatred toward those who had spent all their time bullying you, back in high school, “you always have been; you know that, don’t you?”

You hesitated, not sure, prompting her heart to sink as she frowned, before easing you into a hug; she hated seeing you like this. You couldn’t stop yourself, as you melted into the embrace, subconsciously clinging to her jumper as you sniffled quietly, unable to fight back your emotions anymore as your face crumpled. You just wished she’d give up on you, no matter how much it hurt to think of what it would be like, losing her.

She rubbed your back, hoping it would help as she rested her chin upon your left shoulder, trying not to allow her own small tears to escape no matter how much they longed to do so; stinging her eyes, and making it hard for her to concentrate.

“I just-.. I want you to be happy, Ren,” you managed, your voice briefly trembling as she shook her head, before holding you at arm’s length, and it hurt you even more to see that she was trying not to cry, alongside you.

“I am happy,” she stated, and you would falter, evidently surprised as she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, allowing her to brush away one of your tears delicately with her thumb, the touch leaving your skin tingling again, “Y/n, I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted - the girl I love, a career; I’ve never wanted anything else, just-.. this.” She smiled warmly over at you, before wrapping her arms around your waist. “Us,” she cooed, her forehead affectionately connected to your own as if nothing else had ever mattered, before, as much as this moment in time did, “I love you - and I’ll never stop, I promise, no matter what; it’s you, and that’s all that matters now. Promise me you know that, or I’ll give you the silent treatment for the rest of the day.”

You raised your eyebrows again, but she didn’t let up - it was a challenge, both playful, and serious, and you couldn’t get enough of it; you couldn’t get enough of her, over and over again.

•

These were the moments you tended to think about, whenever you felt lost again. Sure, things seemed to be going okay regarding your own career, but in a way it didn’t feel like that - like, at all. You and Reneé had promised you’d do things, together, but now it felt like there was nothing left of either of you, anymore. It was your fault, though; you knew it was. You’d made the choice that you did, and now she was gone. You doubted you’d ever see her again, especially not now that a couple of years had already passed by, only leaving you worse for wear.

Alice, your remaining friend, knocked on the door to the restroom stall you were in, prompting you to jump, wince, and tense up all at the same time.

“Y/n? Is - Is that you in there?” She inquired, hopeful that it was you, and not some stranger, but she was in luck - a lot more than you felt yourself to be in, right now.

“Yeah, I’ll - I’ll be out in a minute, I just-.. I need a minute, okay?” You uttered, your voice briefly trembling as you subconsciously bowed your head a little, as if afraid of her noticing you; that your eyes were wet again, as if they’d never really dried up after everything that had happened, recently.

“Sure, but-.. are you okay? Do - Do you wanna talk about anything, at all?” She pried, her voice gentle; you knew she meant well, you just wished she’d stop - you didn’t wanna know about anything anymore. It already struck you hard enough to hear her name mentioned, sometimes; to see pictures of her, smiling, around other people. Your heart squeezed - yeah, it would probably always be hard to stop thinking about how everything used to be, between you both.

You couldn’t help, but think about how she’d kissed you so delicately, that night; how she’d carried you up the stairs like you were due to become her bride, if only you’d decided to stay. Your heart dropped again, and eyes darkened as you tried not to allow a strained sob to escape your lips, especially not with Alice on the other side; you didn’t want her to see that you were still a wreck, after what had happened; didn’t want anyone to see how weak you believed yourself to be, on both the inside, as well as the outside.

You drew in a barely audible shaky breath, before you wiped away the remainder of your tears to the best of your ability, unable to stop thinking about that night, and how you’d ended up intentionally pretending that you didn’t know that she loved you; that you doubted she’d never stop. You wondered if she didn’t care, anymore; you guessed you wouldn’t be surprised - she always seemed… happy, in the photos you saw of her following the day you’d both decided to split from each other, but you guessed you didn’t blame her - who wouldn’t be happy, to get away from someone like you?

“Alice,” you began again feebly, “please, just-”

“I know, you - you want me to go, but-”

“I’ll be out soon, okay? I’ll talk to you then-”

“She’s back,” Alice stated, sounding exasperated, and you would fall quiet, your heart skipping a beat as you glanced up at the stall door, not sure what to even think, or say anymore, but the moment didn’t last long, your doubts not wasting any time to make a comeback alongside her.

“Probably not for long,” you murmured, and Alice would frown, a pained expression on her face as she leaned against the door, wishing she could do more to make you feel better, somehow; you’d never been like this, before she’d gone; before everything had ended between you both the way they did. Even when you were being bullied, you talked a lot more than you tended to, now. You were just… a shell of yourself, and she couldn’t stand it, but she didn’t know what more she could do for you, though it hurt her to admit something like that, concerning you. “A-And probably not for me, either, so - why would you even-”

“I don’t know,” she admitted dejected, “I guess I thought maybe you already knew, or-.. or it would make you happy again; I don’t like seeing you like this, Y/n.”

You scoffed, shaking your head, before you bowed it again, your red and glistening eyes trained upon your slightly shaky and wet hands; they hadn’t got a break from your tears yet, either, that much was clear.

“I’m no different to who I was, before,” you contradicted a little sharply, Alice wincing at hearing your voice like that; like you were trying to be strong, but the pain just wouldn’t go away. She wondered why you even decided to come out today for the book signings; she wished you’d take a break, instead, to try and think about things, and reach a understanding, but you thought stuff like that was useless, so what would the point be? “Just go, Alice,” you begged, your voice strained, “I told you, I’ll come out and join you in a little while, okay? I - I just-.. I need a little time-.. y’know, to - to think. I’ve never done anything like this, before, a-and I-.. that’s all there is to it, okay? T-There’s nothing else - you know that, right? T-That I’m just nervous?”

“Sure,” Alice replied gently, not wanting to upset you anymore than she could tell she already had, bringing Reneé up again, “I’ll - I’ll meet you outside, okay?”

“Thank you,” you offered, and she smiled faintly, before returning with a barely audible ‘no problem’, and making back toward the door, but it didn’t make you feel any better, not when all you could think about was everything you wished you could do, to see, repay, and fall in love with Reneé all over again.

🜚

Once you felt able to move again, you pushed yourself up off of the toilet seat, before unlocking the stall door, and making to step out of it, only to falter when you noticed the two other women stood in front of the sink ahead of you. One looked like Reneé from behind, at first, your heart skipping a beat, until you noticed their faces in the mirror, and your heart sank. It wasn’t her. Of course it wasn’t. You drew in a shaky breath, the women appearing puzzled as well as a little judgemental in response to your action, and you tensed up, before hastily walking toward the door. You weren’t here to be distracted.

You tried to think that this was your life now; you were married to your books - your writing, that was how it would stay. Nobody would ever distract you, ever again. You drew in another strained breath, noticing Alice stood a few paces away from the queue of people waiting to received a signed version of your new book. You never thought anyone would ever want to buy something - your own work - off of you. You couldn’t help, but smile softly, a little embarrassed, but still it was nerve-wracking.

And it didn’t make it better, being reminded that Reneé wasn’t there for this moment with you. Your heart dropped again, and your eyes darkened, everything inside you feeling as if it were aching, or being squeezed, but you guessed it was okay - at least you were here, now, no matter how much your heart screamed in agony at the reminder of the decision you’d made, a little while ago, now.

“Y/n, c’mon!” Alice encouraged, evidently excited as you smiled faintly back at her. A weird thought struck you, then - why couldn’t you feel anything for her? Why did your heart only react to the thought of Reneé? You faltered in response to it, before wincing, and shaking your head - you only hoped the queue didn’t notice such a reaction from you. You didn’t hesitate, taking your seat, a few piles of your books - arranged incredibly neatly - stationed in front of you, alongside a pen, laying a few paces away from your right hand. “You’ve got this,” she cooed, in a quieter voice, before gently squeezing your left shoulder, “I’ll just be over here, okay? Y’know, just if - if you need me - don’t hesitate to give me a call, and I’ll come running to help, I promise.”

“Thank you, Alice,” you replied, and she beamed back at you, before rushing back to where she was, before, whilst the security began to open up the roping around your seat, and the chaos began all over again.

🜸

Little did you know, Reneé had found herself stood outside of the very library you and Alice were in, now, her heart racing a little; she hadn’t seen you in what felt like more than two years - two decades; she hadn’t heard your voice in a timeframe even longer than that. She sighed subconsciously, before timidly taking a few steps closer to the double doors stood before her; she just hoped you weren’t still mad at her, especially not now that she’d been hoping to become friends with you, again, even after all this time.

🜸

You couldn’t believe how many people you ended up speaking to; how many copies had been, and gone. You never thought anyone would smile at you, as if you mattered - well, not after Reneé, and Alice. Your heart sank, just for a moment; it did that, whenever you thought about how things were, before. A pained expression crossed your face, but you tried to hide it, remembering someone else had pre-brought a copy for today, so instead you forced a smile again, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Alice, when this is over, should we-?” You faltered, hearing someone coming, before you cleared your throat, and Alice tensed up a few paces away from you for a reason unbeknownst to you, until you heard her voice, and were forced to remember everything again.

🜚

“Ren,” you whispered, before wincing, and standing up a little, “w-what are you-”

“I bought your book,” she stated simply, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips, and you would tilt your head partially, your eyes full of confusion and disbelief - you didn’t think she’d ever come back here for you, let alone to appreciate your work, “by the way, I would love it if you wrote some extra cringy shit in mine, if you know what I mean - y’know, just between you and me.”

You just couldn’t believe it, your heart pounding too fast; it was terrifying, how fast it was racing, but at the same time, you couldn’t help, but love every second of it, almost as much as you-

No - you wouldn’t think such things anymore; you wouldn’t let yourself feel anything for her again; you couldn’t. You drew in a barely audible shaky breath, before you shrugged, sat back down, and took up the book she bought, making to write anything you could in there, fitting somewhat her description.

“Fuck,” you uttered, the pen slipping from your shaky right hand, “shit, I - I’m so-”

“Let me get it for you,” Alice proposed, but Reneé bent down to pick it up before she could, and you didn’t know what to think or even feel anymore, your heart still racing much too fast, and eyes locked with her’s; everything felt much too numb, your skin too tingly, especially as she offered the pen back to you, and you didn’t hesitate to accept it from her, your fingertips brushing her own.

You couldn’t stop it, how that moment took you back to that night. Your heart squeezed, before you bowed your head a little; before you put pen to paper, small tears clouding your vision all over again.

•

“I missed you,” she cooed, the fingers of her left hand entangled blissfully within your hair, now a little sticky against your forehead as you smirked over at her, your eyelids fluttering a little as she leaned forward to delicately press a kiss to your left cheek, only flustering you even more as you admired her in this new light; the shadows on her, as you blocked out the bedroom lamp partially, contrasting the warm light displaying the remainder of her soft face.

“Clearly,” you replied suggestively, and she smirked over at you, before passionately kissing you again, “I love you, Ren.”

“I love you, too,” she responded gently, after the next delicate kiss ended; she couldn’t help, but find herself addicted to your lips, “I always have, and I’m sorry, Y/n, that - that I never told you, before-”

“Ren-”

“Just know that I’ll never stop loving you, okay? No matter what happens, after today; no matter how this whole - y’know - touring stuff turns out, it’ll always be you for me, no matter what,” she added, determined to keep you beside her, no matter what, “it’s always gonna be us - you know that, right?”

You smiled softly over at her, your eyes watering a little as she gently caressed your left cheek.

“I know,” you replied, “why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to-.. I wanted to hear you say it,” she answered, and you would appear surprised, as well as a little flustered, your heart skipping a beat again, “and now that you have, I’m happy - you don’t have to do it again, unless you want to.”

“I want to,” you stated confidently, and she couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly over at you again, her eyes sparkling a little in the light, “I’ll always want to - so, h-here you go, I guess. I love you, Ren, a-and of course I know; I’ve always known, that it would be your side I’d want to stick by, no matter what, and that’s never going to change, I promise - c’mere.”

“Sure,” she responded, no hesitations at all, as you beamed over at her, giggling softly as you wrapped your arms around her waist, and she gave into your embrace, allowing you to ease her closer to you to kiss her again, through you still got shy sometimes to do so, feeling as if you might mess up, someday, if you even tried your best, but it relieved you, to have her melt into the kiss, as if it weren’t something you felt could be disappointing, to her. You expressed relief, smiling against her lips - this was one of your favourite times to think about; you just wished you could do more for her, somehow; if only you didn’t feel worlds apart, anymore.

•

You didn’t realise tears were leaking down your cheeks, until you winced, noticing one had dropped down onto the book. Alice frowned, noticing the pained expression on your face, whilst Reneé looked like she was struggling to stay where she was. She longed to throw her arms around you, and nothing had ever been as hard to do, as not doing exactly that was.

“I - I’m sorry, Ren - I mean, Reneé, that was - that was stupid of me,” you murmured dejectedly, and Reneé would hastily shake her head, her heart aching as soon as she heard your voice trembling the way it did, a brief moment ago, “do you want me to get a new book, or-?”

“No,” she reassured you hastily, sounding more sure than she ever had, before, “I - I love it already, I promise; don’t worry about it. I, erm - I just..”

“Ren, what-.. what are you even doing, here?” You questioned, and she would appear taken aback, her eyes darkening as she looked away from you, and god you wished you could take it back, as soon as the words had slipped from your lips the way that they did.

“I wanted to see you,” she answered truthfully, and you would tilt your head partially, clearly surprised, and that only hurt her more, “Y/n, when - when I heard about your first book, I-”

“You can’t just be here, for me,” you contradicted feebly, your voice close to a whisper, “why would you-?”

“Why can’t I?” She inquired, trying hard not to let her own voice shake, as you tensed up, not sure how to respond as you bowed your head; you didn’t want to hurt her again, though you didn’t why she, or anyone else would care, if they heard about all that went on inside your head; your heart. It wasn’t important; you weren’t important, and that was all you knew, now. “Y/n-”

“I’m not enough,” you uttered, and she faltered, her heart dropping as her breath hitched in her throat, her eyes full of the pain she was feeling, but trying desperately not to show, “I-.. I was never-”

“You didn’t wanna come with me,” she interjected faintly, “I asked you, but you-”

“You wouldn’t have been happy,” you retorted, “Reneé, everything I’ve ever done, has been for you, a-and I-.. I-..”

Your face crumpled, and you couldn’t hold it back anymore as you began to cry quietly, hastily looking away as you didn’t want her to see you like that, but it was too late. She hastily shook her head, before she meandered around the table, and threw her arms around you; she couldn’t just let you suffer, like that, even after everything that had happened between you both, recently.

“I’m sorry, I - I’m so-”

“No, Ren,” you contradicted shakily, “i-it’s not-.. it’s not your fault, okay? It’s mine, I-.. It’s all-”

“I never stopped,” she whispered, her voice cracking a little against your scalp, “I-.. I could never-..”

You tensed up again, shaking your head, before you sniffled barely audibly, and pulled away from her, though it hurt you to do so, especially when you noticed the flicker of pain that crossed her own face again.

“I need to go,” you murmured, your voice hardly there anymore, “I just-.. I can’t - your book’s done; you can take it now.”

“But-”

“Go, Ren!” You cried, and she would fall quiet, before grimacing a little in your direction, though it even hurt her to do that, especially when you looked like you were so close to break down again.

“Okay,” she replied, shrugging as if she were unperturbed, though her heart was aching, too, alongside your own, “I’ll - I’ll go, but.. I have a few days, here, so.. if you want, you - you could-..” She sighed, and you stared down at the ground, not sure what to do with yourself, anymore. “It’s up to you,” she reassured gently, “I, erm.. I’m - I’ve gotta go, now, so - y’know, I’ll see you around maybe, right?”

“See you around,” you managed, before forcing a smile back at her, but it wasn’t very convincing; you hated yourself for everything, and that would never change, especially not after today.

🜚

“You did the right thing,” Alice began, and you would wince, your eyes darkening again as you tried not to look over at her, a pained expression on your face, “she shouldn’t have just turned up like that-”

“I thought you were happy,” you murmured, “you - you said that maybe her coming back would make me happy-”

“Did it?” She questioned, and you would falter, looking up at her skeptically, whilst she herself winced, too, not daring to look over at you though she knew she probably should, right now, if you were to not grow suspicious of her, and her secretly forming own feelings for you.

“Do I look happy to you?” You retorted, and she would frown, before she shook her head gravely. “W-Why would you even.. wait a minute,” you mused, “are you jealous?”

Alice couldn’t help, but scowl, gritting her teeth a little as she shook her head, though she couldn’t deny that there was a secret part of her burning with everything she longed to do for you to make you happy again; to try and make you forget, and move on from Reneé, but that was something you doubted would ever happen, especially considering you’d spent years practically growing up alongside her. It still surprised you to say it, but it didn’t take someone a long time to fall in love with the person they believed to be their soulmate.

You didn’t doubt - no matter how much it hurt - that she would ever stop being that for you. You drew in a barely audible shaky breath, before you turned to fully face Alice, who bowed her head, not sure what to say, now, but at the same time she was terrified, knowing that if she told the truth, you may never want to be around her, again, especially not after Reneé had come back the way she did, today.

“Why would I be jealous?” Alice retorted, sounding way too pissed off to be genuine, right now.

“Alice,” you cooed, but she shook her head dejectedly, not wanting to break down, now, “talk to me-”

“I need to go,” she spat, and you would falter, a hurt look on your face as she sped ahead, leaving you a few paces behind her, before she disappeared around the corner, and you felt lost all over again.

🜚

It didn’t take you long to break down again, tears streaming down your cheeks as you walked back toward the library, the rain pouring down around you like it were cursing you for just existing. You wiped your eyes again, sick of crying; sick of being so - weak, especially whenever you thought of Reneé; of how she smiled so brightly at you; of how her eyes glinted whenever you found yourself within the centre of them. You drew in a shaky breath, taking out your keys to the establishment; Alice had lent you a spare pair, considering she trusted you, and her brother was the owner.

What better way to try and get lost, somewhere away from this grey reality, than by reading a book or two, right? You sighed, taking off your coat as soon as you’d got into the establishment, and you shortly returned to the corner you liked to sit in sometimes with one of your favourites - ‘Wolfsong’, by T.J Klune. You smiled softly, looking down at the cover - yeah, this should do it, temporarily. You grimaced at the word, wanting to live for as long as you could within this moment, as you opened the cover, and faltered when a small note dropped out of it.

Your heart skipped a beat - not because it had scared you, but because it was a little - well, to say the least - exciting. You raised your eyebrows tentatively, wondering what it could be; had someone left a receipt, again? Could they have tried to reserve it? Was it a secret note, for someone else? Such possibilities kept circling your mind, and you couldn’t help, but feel guilty as you unravelled the piece of paper, your heart pounding uncomfortably within your chest - you couldn’t deny there was an element of.. familiarity, within such an action.

It reminded you of when Reneé had started leaving you little folded up notes like this one, back when you both were going to high school together. You sighed, trying to force the memory out of your mind. You didn’t have time for memories like that, anymore. You straightened the note upon the table, looking around as if you could be persecuted for doing so, before you began to read its contents. You appeared puzzled, at first, seeing only the words:

‘Come find me.’ You shrugged; they were scribbled across the white of the page before you. You sighed, a little disappointed; you knew it was probably some stupid trick, as you made to fold the page back up again, until you noticed another bit of writing on the back of it. Your heart jumped again, and you wished you could get it to stop, sick of feeling it doing anything, recently, since it had only ever caused you heaps and heaps of pain, ever since you’d first lost Reneé, only to see her again today and be reminded of every single reason why you fell in love with her, in the first place. A pained expression crossed your face, and you cursed yourself for thinking about her again; for thinking maybe she could still want you. You broke it, and that couldn’t be undone, anymore; not when you knew she’d be better off, without someone like you beside her. You traced the next instalment, it only leaving you further puzzled than the first message did as you read it slowly over and over again, trying to figure out if you knew what it meant, or not. ‘214 Ariadna Ochoa St’. Your gaze lingered on the letters ‘st’ - that was all you understood, so far. It had to be some address, right? But why would it be in this book, specifically? You subconsciously looked down at the book again, and you couldn’t help, but smile weakly, remembering when Reneé had bought you a signed copy for your 18th birthday.

Your blood ran cold - what if this was her doing? You examined the writing again, trying to see if you recognised it, and you couldn’t deny that it did look familiar, but whose to say her handwriting hadn’t changed, since then? No, it couldn’t be her’s; why would she even bother? Your heart dropped within your chest again, and you winced, before setting both the book and note aside, intending to log into one of the computers, wondering if maybe you could look up the street name on there, instead of going on a completely wild and blind goose chase.

You hastily typed your email into the device followed by your password, desperate to figure at least one thing out, today, before you could give up, and feel bad about it. The result didn’t surprise you - it was a street, and it wasn’t too far away from here. The most interesting thing about it, however, was that it was a stretch beside a trailer park. Your heart skipped a beat, and you almost released an inner squeal; you’d always wanted to own a trailer within one of those, but you’d been scared of doing so, considering you knew you needed quite a bit of space for everything you already owned. Items that a trailer may not be able to hold efficiently, or neatly. So this stranger lived in a trailer park? You wondered if you should go so far as to try and do as the note was telling you to, but at the same time, you feared maybe it were just some cruel trick. That’s why you picked up another book, this time - a Brontë book, by which sister you didn’t check - only to find that there was nothing within it, that looked out of place. Just out of further curiosity, you moved along to where T.J Klune’s ‘Brothersong’ was perched, and you were both surprised, and unsurprised, to see there was nothing inside it, but a sticky-note saying: ‘have you read me, yet?’

🜸

Earlier that day, Reneé pulled up outside of the trailer park, her heart still racing, and fingers struggling not to tremble. She sighed, after turning off the engine, and looking over her right shoulder at the bag she’d brought back with her. She couldn’t help, but smile softly over at it, before she undid her seatbelt, and reached for it, the colourful sticky-notes and small sheets of paper remaining shifting within it, as she got out of her car, and made for the trailer labelled ‘214’.

🜸

You couldn’t help, but stare down at the sticky note, your heart beating too fast, and eyes watering a little again as you drew in a barely audible shaky breath. Before you’d lost each other, you hadn’t got onto the fourth book, yet. You didn’t hesitate to take down the one before - ‘Heartsong’. You flipped open the cover, your eyes trailing over the next sticky note whilst your mouth moved silently, forming the words: ‘I remember you told me you were happy when Jessie and Dominique got together’. You moved onto the next one, ‘Ravensong’ - ‘I think you said this one was frustrating, but you loved it all the same when Gordo and Mark buried the hatchet’.

Your heart stopped, for a moment; or it felt like it did - those were exactly your words, when you were describing the book to her. You almost dropped it - and certainly would have - if you didn’t recompose yourself enough to quickly put it back on the shelf, before you rushed back over to the table you were sitting at, before, not sure what to do with yourself. You leaned against it heavily, small tears running down your cheeks as your face began to feel too hot again; you guessed you still weren’t used to it; how it felt, to remember everything even after all this time.

You bowed your head, fighting back the strained sob that longed to escape you, before your gaze trailed over to the first note. To the address - ‘214 Ariadna Ochoa st’, and you knew what you had to do, no matter how much it scared you, as you picked up your coat again, before making your way back out, and hoping Alice wouldn’t mind that you’d left ‘Wolfsong’ on the desk, just for now. Until you came back, at least.

🜚

You ran to your car, waiting for you just around the corner, from here; you were scared she’d disappear again, otherwise, if you took too long. You quickly got in, before turning the engine on, and directing it out of the parking lot. Your hands didn’t fail to shake, all the way there.

🜸

Reneé spent a lot of the time she’d had since she got back anxiously waiting - for what, she didn’t know. She couldn’t be sure you’d seen her notes, she’d just been-.. hopeful, that you might. Unless you were different, from the girl she’d known you to be, before. She sighed, subconsciously pacing as she tried to find things to do, but they didn’t take her mind off of everything she wished she could tell you, but didn’t know how to, yet, especially not after the way things had ended, between you both.

🜸

At some points of the journey, you admit you may have been driving just a bit faster than you knew you should, but you couldn’t stop yourself. You had to see her again, you just wished you knew, before another pair of headlights came toward you, that you should have been more careful, than you turned out being, in the first place.

🜸

It started off as a bad feeling. That was all she could remember, leaning heavily over the bathroom sink like she did the night you were styling your fringes together. You could still see that moment, even when everything was dark; blurry - even as blood ran down your forehead, your muscles aching excruciatingly. It never stopped the smile forming on your lips - nothing ever could, when you found yourself thinking about her, again.

🜚

When you woke up, you found yourself in a blurry haze. The medics on scene were treating you, whilst your ears rang, and heart sang. You barely registered the situation - you weren’t exactly headachy, but there was a painful void there, where you thought everything was before. Except, this time, you couldn’t figure out what it was, nothing making sense anymore. You winced, feeling the paramedics around you trying to pick you up, whilst people surrounding the area were all either shouting or talking in anxious and hurried voices.

You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t figure out or think about a lot right now. All you could see, in this makeshift hellhole, was a blurry figure a little far away, almost up in the sky. You stared up at the scene, the moon glaring back at you as if it were an invasion of privacy. You smiled weakly, your eyebrows furrowing as another figure came into view. And then another, but this one was closer, this time. You tilted your head partially, but it ached to make such a movement, your neck weak, and feeling as if it were on fire; unstable.

The paramedic stood to the right of you held your head in place, but you were desperate to see more; desperate to make some sense of the the unknowable. The new figure was gone, as soon as it appeared - you groaned, feeling too light, but you were scared that it would hurt, if the wind took you away anywhere, as you tried desperately to stay grounded, no longer trusting the gravity that was meant to be holding you down, alongside the paramedics who wouldn’t let go of you; keep their eyes off you, until you were laid down upon another stretcher, and you couldn’t see the moon anymore.

The figures never left you, though. They were just blurrier than they were, before. You strained your eyes to see them, but it didn’t help much - you scowled, frustrated. It didn’t take you long to give up, entirely, as your eyelids fluttered shut again, and all you could hear was the sirens above you, ringing out their dreadful song, over and over and over again.

🜚

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” You heard, before you were transported to another hazy scene.

•

A pretty woman was standing before you, and just that fact seemed to make your heart pound. She smiled softly in your direction, the action bright, warm, and full of care; it was too much, and it almost made you break into a panic, if the moment didn’t feel so familiar. She lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, and you shuddered, your eyes locked with her’s; it was impossible to look away. Impossible to even speak, and breathing - well, what was going on with your lungs was another story, entirely.

“I love you,” she cooed, and your heart stopped; her voice was even more beautiful than anything you’d ever heard before, and you didn’t miss how her eyes sparkled, prompting your heart to skip a beat again as your lips parted a little subconsciously to aid you in your staggered breathing pattern.

“I love you, too,” you returned feebly, your voice close to a shaky and exasperated whisper; it was foreign to you, at first - almost as if you’d already forgotten your own voice, after hearing her’s again, though you still weren’t sure who she was. You couldn’t remember a number of things, after you’d hit your head on the steering wheel, the airbag failing to inflate in time. You sighed; a thing of comfort, full of content, as she drew her thumb gently over your bottom lip.

“I really want to kiss you, right now,” she admitted, and your skin tingled, whilst you subconsciously raised your eyebrows, as if you weren’t in control, during this moment in time - it was only a memory after all, right? You couldn’t be sure, inside, but you didn’t know much anymore, now, so who’s to say it isn’t exactly that?

“Then do it,” you encouraged, and she couldn’t help, but smirk, only making your heart pound even faster, as your head began to spin, “what are you waiting for? Has a cat got your tongue, or something?”

“Almost,” she answered, and you couldn’t help, but giggle softly, as she drew closer to you, wrapping her arms lovingly around your waist, as if you were delicate, and could easily be broken if ever she lost control, and got too rough with you, “but not enough to stop me from telling you that - as much as I’d love for you to have my tongue right now - I can’t help, but think that I wish we could stay like this together, forever - just a bit, y’know. Nothing too extreme - god, sorry, that sounded awful actually-”

“I liked it,” you reassured her gently, and she appeared a little flustered alongside you, her eyes glinting even more as she smiled sheepishly over at you, blood rushing to her cheeks. You wished you could tell her everything, even if you didn’t know her yet, or anymore. You wished you could stay here with her - no more moving, no more sleeping; just in this moment, too - just existing, with her beside you, like you’d spent your entire life with her, this whole time, without even realising it yet. You wanted to tell her so many things, but your tongue wouldn’t allow you to voice everything you wished to do so, during this moment in time.

“Good,” she replied brightly, her forehead affectionately brushing against your own as you beamed back at her, wondering how red your face must be, right now, “because I like hearing whatever you tell me, whenever you have something you wanna tell me - sorry if that made no sense, I realise it might sound weird I just-”

You shook your head, before leaning forward to delicately press your lips to her’s, silencing her instantly as she faltered, before melting into the kiss, her eyelids fluttering shut alongside your own. You smiled faintly against her lips, wondering how anything could be as soft as they were. You lifted your arms to rest on her shoulders, your right hand in her hair, but before the scene could progress, someone was shouting somewhere outside, and it didn’t take long for you to gradually wake up again, your eyelids-

•

You faltered, feeling someone holding your hand to the right of your limp frame. Your eyes would have shot open, if your eyelids allowed them to. Instead, they opened gradually, still heavy, and dark, but they opened nevertheless. Your vision was too blurry, at first; your neck too achy, still, to allow you to look over to your right and see who it was, holding your hand the way that they were so gently, now, as if you were all that mattered, during this moment in time.

“She got hit,” another unfamiliar voice chimed, every layer of it shaky, and close to a whisper, as if the figure it came from was trying not to break down, over what had happened to you.

“She didn’t get hit,” another contradicted, sounding a little frustrated, as well as exasperated, but it still managed to send a shiver of warmth throughout your body, regardless, as if you’d heard her voice, before, somewhere. “They said they got her out of her car, Alice,” she continued, and the other would scowl - at least, it looked as if she were scowling; you couldn’t determine much of what was going on, but it didn’t sound like they were happy with each other.

“A-Almost the same thing, though,” the other figure retorted, before adding under her breath: “maybe if you’d not come back and surprised us like that-”

“I heard that, by the way,” Reneé uttered, but she didn’t dare look up at Alice, her eyes focused on you, though her vision was blurry from crying, and she looked like she needed sleep more than ever, right now.

“Well maybe you were supposed to, Ren,” she spat, and Reneé tensed up upon hearing the nickname again, it only reminding her of how things used to be, before she’d lost you, as well as Alice. She sighed, before shaking her head; she couldn’t take it anymore - if this was how things were going to be, she feared maybe they would never go back to the way that they were, no matter how much she longed to be as close to you as she was, back then.

Even hanging out with Alice was fun, though she didn’t dare admit to her or you that she sometimes got jealous of her, considering she’d been your friend for not so long, and she’d always been close to you, too.

“I’m gonna go,” she stated, trying desperately to not allow her voice to tremble, no matter how much it was threatening to do so, right now.

“So you’re leaving again?” Alice accused, and Reneé faltered, a hurt look on her face as she stopped a few paces before who she thought was her friend, too, until now.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She questioned, but before Alice could continue, she shook her head, deciding she didn’t want to hear it, for fear of how much pain it would leave her in, after today. “Y‘know what? Fuck it,” she concluded, before meandering around Alice, and making quickly down the hallway - her eyes were already stinging again, and she didn’t feel like being scolded by Alice for things she never did, to you, as well as her.

You appeared dejected, seeing that she’d gone; feeling that her hand was no longer holding your own. Your heart sank, and you allowed your eyes to close again, for a moment even wishing that maybe they’d never open anymore, if she decided to never come back to you, again.

🜚

“She-.. suffered a concussion, or - I guess you could say - is still suffering one,” your doctor informed Alice, stood outside of your room; they didn’t want to worry you, but the doctor knew she should let you know eventually, about your complex situation, without confusing you even more than you appeared to be, now, after the crash had taken place, “she, er - looking at her recent scans, it is clear there is a mild form of amnesia forming as a result of the trauma to her brain, in the accident - does she have anyone she can stay with for a little, at all, after we figure out what she wants to be done regarding her arm?”

Alice frowned, appearing a little guilty as she bowed her head, remembering she had to leave town, soon - at least in a couple of days, to go and see her family on vacation. Obviously, she wouldn’t have made such plans, if she knew that this would end up happening to you, the way that it did, but life is full of terrible surprises - that much had always been clear.

“I’m meant to be seeing my family, back at home, in a couple of days - I can’t-”

“It’s okay,” the doctor reassured her gently, not wanting to panic her, though she did look a little worried, herself, hearing this news; oftentimes it wasn’t safe to leave a patient like you alone after the brain trauma you’d experienced, not too long ago, now, “is - is there anyone else, at all? Does she have family, living nearby?”

Alice sighed, trying not to appear frustrated though it was clear she was, right now - you didn’t have any immediate family living here, with you; you’d been trying to get away from them for a while, regardless, after your experiences with them. It wasn’t to say they were bad people, but you always felt trapped, before, and you still found it frustrating to think about how your dad had ended up responding to your coming out, a few years ago, now.

“Not-.. immediate family,” she began apprehensively, trying not to grunt, “not even family at all, but.. I can think of someone, and I doubt she’d pass up on taking care of Y/n for a little while, so..”

“Great,” she responded, appearing definitely more relieved than she was, before, to see your wounds treated, as well as scan true to her previous hypothesis, “who is this you have in mind?”

🜸

Reneé pulled back into the trailer park, though she felt bad for leaving; she didn’t like being away from you, especially when you were in a state like that. She sighed, running her right hand across her face, before she switched off the engine, and hoped for a distraction. However, the distraction that came wasn’t one she’d expected - her phone began to buzz in her bag, and she didn’t know what to think, when she saw that the one who was calling her was Alice, as if they’d not fought like they had, earlier.

🜚

She didn’t know what to say, when the call came through; as she stared down at the phone, her heart pounding a little as her hands trembled slightly. She tilted her head partially, before scoffing, and making to reject the call, but something within her didn’t allow her to do so as she continued to stare down at the screen, a lump forming within her throat. She sighed, before shrugging, and uttering ‘fuck it’, as she brought herself back together, before answering the call.

🜸

Alice appeared relieved, upon hearing Reneé’s voice.

“Hey,” she began, a little exasperatedly, lingering by the doorway of the room the doctors had stationed you in.

“So you’re calling me, now?” She questioned, and Alice faltered, a pained expression on her face as she looked toward you, through the window allowing her a glimpse into the room.

“It’s not for me,” she answered simply, and Reneé tensed up, her expression softening, “it’s for Y/n - she needs you, Ren, now more than ever - so you can either show up, this time, again, or you can go. I don’t want you to tell me what you’re going to do - just-.. do something, okay? You’ve got until midnight to come back - if you don’t come, I’ll try and find someone else for her. See you around.”

She then ended the call, and Reneé faltered again, a hurt look on her face as she tried to think, but didn’t know what to do with herself. She obviously wasn’t pleased that Alice was still blaming her for what happened, before, but she didn’t want to leave you to suffer alone, regardless of whether you told Alice that she’d left you, or not. She grunted, trying to push away her doubts as she shook her head, before turning the key in the engine again - if she was going to try and make things right between you both, she’d better start now, right? Before it could get to being too late to do so, all over again.

🜚

Alice guessed she wasn’t surprised, when Reneé appeared at the door to your room, her heart skipping a beat as soon as she saw you, before her gaze fell onto Alice holding your hand, like she was before she’d gone. She tried not to frown, instead looking away, whilst Alice awkwardly shuffled in her seat, you wincing when your arm was moved just a bit, prompting Alice to appear guilty as she quickly withdrew her hand from your’s, not wanting to cause you any discomfort like she feared she just had, a brief moment ago.

“That was-.. you’re-”

“I came as soon as I could,” Reneé explained exasperatedly, her voice barely audible, and Alice would nod slowly, before murmuring a quiet ‘clearly’, as she got up from her seat, before inviting Reneé to sit in her place, knowing it would only be right to do so, as long as she saw to that you were comfortable, but it looked as if you were nervous, regardless, watching the two of them anxiously as if you’d never seen them before in any of your lifetimes. “Alice, I-”

“Just - sit down there with her, Ren,” she insisted, and Reneé hesitated, before nodding, and meandering around the bed, to sit beside you. “I - she needs you more, right now,” she mused, though it hurt her a little to say that, “if she’s gonna be seeing you a lot more, after today.”

Reneé raised her eyebrows, glancing up at Alice.

“You said she needs me,” she began timidly, “what do you mean by that? Did - Did she ask for me, at all?” Alice frowned, warily glancing down at you with a pained expression on her face, only making Reneé’s heart sink as she began to realise why she might have been called here. She looked down at you, her heart aching as you seemed to survey her tiredly, as if you were trying to figure out who she was; as if you didn’t know her anymore, like you were supposed to, and obviously would have, before the accident had taken place. “Y/n?” She began, leaning forward a little urgently, only for you to appear puzzled, as if you didn’t even recognise your own name anymore. “Hey, do - do you know where you are, right now? Do you know me? Y/n-”

“Ren,” Alice began weakly, “she doesn’t-”

“No, Alice, she - she can’t have just forgot about everything, like that,” Reneé protested, her eyes never leaving your’s, “she can’t just forget us-”

“Well she has,” Alice retorted sharply, her voice briefly cracking, and she soon couldn’t take it anymore as she shook her head, before storming out of the room, not wanting to cry in front of either of you.

Reneé didn’t know what to do, her eyes darkening as she felt lost for a moment, all of a sudden, something she’d never felt before, for a little while, until this moment in time.

“I-.. no, you - you can’t have-.. you said you wouldn’t forget,” she uttered, and you frowned, noticing the hurt look on her face; you’d never intended to hurt her like you could tell you had, your heart sinking alongside your own, despite you no longer knowing her no matter how much you wished you did.

“I’m sorry,” you managed, your voice weaker than she’d ever heard it before, “I.. if I knew-”

“No,” Reneé began gently, and your heart skipped a beat as she leaned closer again, her right hand holding your left one, “it’s okay - you - you need to rest, okay? You’re safe, now, and you always will be, no matter what, because I-.. I’ll never leave you, I promise.”

“I wish I knew you,” you admitted dejectedly, sounding a little frustrated, and Reneé couldn’t help, but smile feebly over at you as she nodded slowly, the thumb of her right hand delicately drawing circles upon the back of your hand, as if you were all that mattered, right now.

“I can imagine,” she stated, “I mean - who wouldn’t want to know me, right?” You couldn’t help, but allow your smile to grow, whilst she beamed over at you, glad to see you smiling again, after everything, even if you knew her, or had truly forgotten about her like she feared you had. “Don’t worry,” she continued softly, “there’s plenty of time to start again, right?”

You hesitated, before nodding slowly, through it pained you to think that maybe there were memories, like the one you’d seen, before this moment in time, with a woman who looked almost identical to her kissing you, except the one who had been in such a hazy scene was a little blurry, but you guessed that didn’t surprise you. You didn’t even know her, anyway, so you weren’t sure why you couldn’t let it go - how it had felt, being there with her. Being here, with this other - or possibly even same - stranger.

“My name’s-..” You blanked, appearing puzzled, and Reneé’s heart sank again; you couldn’t even remember your own name, though you’d forgotten about that fact, even, and had appeared confident, until you’d forgotten about your current situation, the way you just had, and wished you never could again.

“Y/n,” she cooed gently, “your - your name is Y/n; it always has been, well - obviously, y-y’know.”

You smiled sheepishly over at her again, finding it cute, her stammer in response to her own clarification. You were too focused on her eyes, to acknowledge that blood was rushing up to your cheeks.

“Right,” you mused, trying not to laugh, “I - I guessed that much, but-.. thank you, anyway - it - it really helps. I mean, why wouldn’t it help? K-Knowing your own name?” Crap. Now you were doing it, too, and Reneé couldn’t help, but smirk over at you, evidently amused by your reaction. She also couldn’t help, but find it adorable - how she still managed to fluster you, even after all this time.

“That’s a good point,” she answered, “and don’t worry, I’m here to help, as much as I possibly can. In that case, I guess it would be helpful for me to tell you my name, too?” She offered you her free hand, and you would appear surprised, glancing up at her again though it freaked your heart out to allow your gaze to meet her own bright orbs.

“Y-Yeah, that - that would be great, actually, I - I mean - yes, please,” you answered, whilst silently cringing and cursing yourself for being so weak, around her, though you couldn’t figure out if you’d ever met her, before.

“My name’s Reneé,” she offered, and you would subconsciously revel in hearing such a name; how beautiful it sounded, especially when she was saying it, too, with her soft voice, and warm eyes, “it’s nice to meet you.”

You timidly held her hand, allowing her to delicately shake your own, though she was still scared of hurting you, somehow, after seeing you react to Alice’a movement the way you did, earlier.

“It - It’s nice to meet you, too,” you returned, “I - I er.. I’m-”

“Cat got your tongue, already?” She teased, and your heart skipped a beat, especially when you were reminded of the scene you’d witnessed, before your eyelids had fluttered open, not too long ago, now.

‘Has a cat got your tongue, or something?’ You remembered saying, a thoughtful expression on your face as she tilted her head partially, wondering what you might be thinking about, right now.

“No, but - I don’t know,” you murmured, wincing as you did, and Reneé smiled sadly over at you, before she nodded gravely, and delicately squeezed your hand, not wanting you to waste your energy too much, especially when you needed it to get better for her, “sorry-”

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” she reassured you gently, “we’ll get there, I promise, but - for now - we need to focus on getting you better, right? Here, let me help you with that.” She picked up the glass of water for you, and you smiled your thanks to her as she eased it up to your lips, helping you drink from it slowly, but surely.

“Thank you,” you responded, your eyes brightening as she set the glass back down, “I - t-that was-”

“You’re welcome,” she replied brightly, and her smile made you wonder if you were about to have a heart attack, again, “now, get some sleep until the doctor comes back, okay?”

“But-”

“Please?” Reneé practically pleaded with you, and you would sigh, before nodding slowly, and resting your head back upon the pillow.

“Sure, but just know - I’m not doing this because I want to,” you clarified, and she couldn’t help, but grin again, evidently amused by your statement, “and I’ll make it so that you regret it one day, because of that.”

“Wow, I’m scared,” she claimed, whilst you scoffed, trying not to giggle again, “that was quite a big threat you made, right there, but hey - I’ll see what I think of what you have in store first, before I myself make any rash decisions, alright?”

“Whatever, Renny,” you teased, and she smirked over at you, before allowing her head to lower again, though she would rather keep her gaze locked upon you, than let her gaze flow over to anywhere else, right now.

🜚

As soon as Alice had got back, Reneé got up to guide her out of the room, worried about waking you up, if she spoke to her right now, whilst you were resting.

“Thank you, for calling me,” she stated, before her old friend could protest, “if you didn’t, I - I’d probably never know that-”

“I should be thanking you, Ren,” Alice mused, “I-.. you made the choice to come back, and if you didn’t-.. I really don’t know what would have happened, to Y/n - where she would go, or what she would do, after today, but.. we don’t need to worry about that anymore, right? You - Can - Can you stay with her, or-?”

Reneé hesitated, knowing she’d have to sort some things out, but she wasn’t at all reluctant, whenever it came to making decisions about your safety, as she grinned, before nodding, and answering with ‘sure’, relieving Alice as she smiled weakly back at her, before gesticulating back toward the room, but Reneé felt maybe it would be better, giving you some time alone for a bit, as she led Alice away from the door, and suggested that the two get a coffee, before they go back and check on you again.

🜚

“Thank you, again,” Alice stated, as she held open the passenger car door for Reneé to help you into it - this was, of course, after a few more hours of rest, and examination, but you were otherwise a bit more stable than you were, now. “You’re helping us both out, a lot,” she added truthfully; a little exasperatedly, whilst a soft smile played on her lips.

“Don’t mention it,” she responded gently, as you leaned back into the seat, wishing your head weren’t so cloudy after the accident had occurred, “thank you, too, because if you didn’t call me-”

“I know,” Alice reassured her friend, “don’t worry - you or Y/n would have done the same for me, I know you would. Now get your sorry asses out of here, before I kick the both of them away.”

“No comments in response to that, for sure,” Reneé remarked, smirking as she did, before she opened the door on the driver’s side of her car, her window open a little as she closed it again. “Oh, by the way - tell your family ‘hi’ from me,” she requested, and Alice would raise her eyebrows, before Reneé looked back toward your sleepy frame, “from the both of us - could you?”

“Sure,” Alice replied, without hesitation, “why not?”

“Thanks,” Reneé returned, before she turned on the engine, and began to pull out of the parking lot, managing a final wave in Alice’s direction, before the car disappeared around the corner, and the journey back to the almost valley of death trailer park began again, you occasionally drifting off with every turn that was taken, until you’d both finally arrived back, and your eyelids began to open up slowly again.

🜚

She was glad she didn’t have to wake you up, by herself; she didn’t have the heart to do it - you’d looked so peaceful, sleeping in the seat beside her. She smiled softly, noticing your eyelids half-open, as if you were still trying to catch up on the sleep people would believe you’d lost since the accident, if they saw you like this, right now, when she knew otherwise, but she didn’t blame you for needing more rest, after what you’d been through recently.

She wished she could find out how the accident happened, though the thought made her heart sink; she was scared maybe you’d find it on purpose - that maybe it could have been on your way to her? Or it could have been done just on your way home? Who’s to say it wasn’t done like that? She tried not to think about it, delicately resting her left hand upon your right shoulder as you yawned, before stretching your good arm as she watched you serenely, forgetting the situation, almost, as she was taken aback by your beauty in this light.

It had always hit her like that - she just wished things didn’t have to change between you both, the way they did.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she cooed, and your heart skipped a beat, your eyelids opening a little more as you turned your head to look over at her, forgetting how to breathe as her eyes locked with your own. If it weren’t hard to say with your lack of memory, you would probably have no doubt that this was the woman you’d kissed in the hazy scene, whether it had been a memory, or merely a daydream. You tried not to sigh, as if still caught in a dream-like state; you hated seeing her like this. She smiled weakly over at you, and your eyes darkened a little - she still looked as if she were being troubled by something, and you couldn’t explain why that hurt, as much as it did, so you stayed quiet, until you felt able to speak again without having your voice break in some pathetic manner.

“Hi,” you returned, your voice instead tired; strained, and she lifted her left hand up to your right cheek, only making your heart begin to pound even faster than it was, before, and she couldn’t help, but smile softly upon feeling your cheek warming up beneath her palm.

“How was your sleep?” She inquired, and you shuddered, feeling her relocating a stray piece of your hair behind your ear, seeing as it seemed to be getting on your nerves, dangling in front of your right eye, blocking your vision of her, until she was a bit closer, and her hand was still caressing your cheek as if you were the last two people on earth that mattered, in a sea of ruins, if there was one, right now.

“Good,” you answered, as a subtle smirk crossed your face, “until you woke me up.”

Reneé raised her eyebrows, though a spark seemed to glint within her eyes, to see you were still comfortable enough joking around with her, even after everything that had happened, recently, not just regarding the accident, but because of the break-up, too. Not that you particularly remembered it, right now, of course.

“I did not wake you up,” she contradicted, her voice a little lighter, than before, and you couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly over at her, noticing how her lips curved perfectly upward even more than before, “you woke yourself up, dummy.” She then made to open the car door, whilst you watched after her, trying not to pout though she could tell that you wanted to, only delighting her more somehow than you did, before, a brief moment ago. “No offence,” she added, but you shrugged, as she meandered around to your side of the car, your window down so she could hear you as you replied: ‘none taken’, relieving her as she beamed back at you, before opening the passenger door, and helping you out of the car all over again.

🜚

“You live in a trailer park?” You mused, and Reneé would tilt her head partially as she looked over at you, seeming in awe of the place. She couldn’t help, but smile softly, noticing the look on your face.

“You sound disappointed,” she claimed, as you both walked slowly side-by-side, toward her trailer marked ‘214’.

You winced, before hastily shaking her head, but little did you know she knew you didn’t mean to make it sound like that, considering you’d often talked about how you wished you could live in a trailer one day, even if it weren’t a temporary decision, or whatever. You hardly ever stopped, until the end.

“N-No, I - I’m not, I swear, I - sorry,” you managed, sounding a little panicked, but she soothed you by smiling softly in your direction, her eyes warm, and bright, enough to keep you grounded, even when she e weren’t holding your hand like she had, earlier today.

“It’s okay,” she reassured you gently, “to be honest, I can probably see why you’d be disappointed - I mean-”

“It - It isn’t like that, Renny,” you insisted, and she raised her eyebrows again, trying to hide that she liked the new nickname, “I just-..”

You sighed, before you timidly faltered in step beside her, and turned to face her, considering it didn’t take her long at all to stop walking beside you. As soon as she had, she appeared worried, warily inching closer to you so she could hold your left hand, as if you needed her to stabilise you, all of a sudden.

“You okay?” She asked, and you couldn’t help, but smile weakly up at her, your heart stuttering; you weren’t used to having someone care about you, the way she did, though you couldn’t imagine why, considering who you believed yourself to be, compared to her. Your heart dropped, but not as if these thoughts were unfamiliar, but you tried to hide it, bowing your head as your smile faltered; you’d never had such thoughts, before.

Or, at least, you didn’t think you did, wondering if these thoughts were a part of the void that had formed, following your accident, recently, but it didn’t take long for these thoughts to leave you, as soon as your eyes met her’s, again.

“I - I’m fine, Ren, I just-..” You fell quiet, noticing that she’d tensed up, her breath hitching in her throat whilst you appeared a little guilty, wondering why she appeared dejected, all of a sudden, and if you’d been the one to prompt such a reaction from her, somehow, for a reason unbeknownst to you, currently. “Sorry, I - I didn’t mean-.. I just.. if this is about that nickname, I’m sorry, I - I just heard Alice say it earlier, or if it’s because I said something else, I’m so-”

Reneé hastily shook her head, before she carefully wrapped her arms around you, prompting your heart to skip a beat again as you melted into her touch, resting your head upon her left shoulder as if nothing else mattered, but this moment in time; how it felt, to exist in her arms. You tried not to sigh, content again - instead, a faint breath escaped your lips, as she lifted her right hand up to the back of your head, only making you feel calmer than you were, before, as she entangled her fingers into your hair, and drew soft circles across your scalp.

“It’s okay,” she reassured you, “I - I just - I’m not used to hearing you say it, still, after…” You appeared puzzled, as she held you at arm’s length. “Don’t worry about it,” she added quietly, though you could tell something was off; her eyes darkening, whilst your heart sank, upon noticing such a reaction from her.

“Want me to stick to Renny?” You suggested, and Reneé would hesitate, before shaking her head, a soft smile spreading across her lips again as you expressed relief, evidently glad to see she didn’t mind such a change, despite her previous reaction to it.

“I personally prefer Ren,” she admitted, as you grinned over at her timidly, glad to hear such a statement as when you called her Ren, it seemed to feel better than ‘Renny’ did, “so no, you don’t have to get stuck with Renny - c’mon, it looks like it’s going to rain, soon, and I don’t want you getting sick, or something.”

She led you down the path, gravel crunching beneath the both of you - you were certainly pleased to feel that her hand was holding your’s again, her arm around your waist as if she were still trying protect you, though you didn’t need as much protection as you did, before, shortly after the accident had taken place, a few hours ago, now.

🜚

You were lost for words, as soon as you and Reneé got into the trailer. She smiled softly, glancing back at you as you admired the interior. The pretty and soft-looking sofa a few paces away from you both; the keyboard she’d decided to bring with her, reminding her of so many moments she’d had with you that she wanted to remember, no matter what their contents, or whatever may happen to you both, in the future. She meandered around you, before closing the door gently, not wanting to make you nervous as she remembered what had happened to you, a few years ago now, when another friend of yours (well, who you thought was a friend), tried to sexually harass you at a party you both went to, together.

Since then, you’d been anxious often by the sound of doors closing; locks being switched. You appeared unperturbed, surprising her as she surveyed you peacefully, your eyes glinting as you inched closer to the keyboard, prompting her heart to skip a beat. She remembered one time she was sitting at the keyboard with you - the very same one, still - and she was singing to you, as you rested your head upon her shoulder, smiling lovingly up at her. Another time, she remembered you teasing her; a slightly heated moment, leading up to the first time you had ever both fooled around together.

She tried not to shudder, but it didn’t work very well; it was hard, trying not to be reminded of these moments, as you admired the keys; the kinda classic design of the keyboard’s exterior, her surveying you keenly whilst you did.

“You like that keyboard, huh?” She mused, and you would appear taken aback by her voice, your heart skipping a beat as you glanced back at her, your eyes glinting as soon as your gaze locked with her own. God, was it hard for her not to kiss you, right now, but she couldn’t let herself lose control, considering the situation right now, with you and her technically still broken up, and many of your memories gone after your car accident not too long ago, now.

“I - It’s amazing,” you answered, “I-.. how do you have everything I’ve ever wanted? It’s crazy.”

She couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly down at the ground, before she sat down beside you, tracing the fingers of her right hand over the keys, before landing on the closest ‘A’, you fixated upon her the entire time, as if you’d never seen someone like her, before.

“We always made it a thing, to try and best each other,” she recalled, “and - by the way - even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass with everything we did, and got, so don’t worry yourself over who won, ‘cause it was definitely me, for sure, as you can already tell - right?”

“Sure,” you answered, a mischievous glint forming in your eyes as you looked back up at her, before your gaze dropped down to her hand, “but who’s to say that - if our competition has been going on for this long, now - that I won’t best you eventually?”

Reneé raised her eyebrows, curious, before she smirked back at you, and made to play another chord, all whilst you couldn’t help, but admire everything about her; how she moved, spoke, smiled. Your heart felt as if it were melting, whilst butterflies fluttered within your stomach - snakes across water. You pried your gaze away, feeling as if you may be staring, for longer than you should have been. She tried not to make anything of it, no matter how much she wished things could go back to the way they were, between you both, before the break-up had taken place.

“Is that a challenge?” She asked, and you would appear a little exasperated, subconsciously inching closer to her so your legs were touching, prompting your skin to tingle a little as her heart began to pound a little alongside your own. She’d never get used to being this close to you, no matter how much she wished she could, without feeling as if the air were strangling her, whenever you both were together the way that you were, now.

“M-Maybe?” You managed, and she couldn’t help, but grin again as she shrugged, unperturbed, trying not to glance down at your lips as she looked away from you again, though it hurt her to do so more than anything else ever had, before.

“In that case, I guess we’ll just have to see - right?” She concluded, before getting up, prompting your heart to sink as you watched her, silently begging her to sit down beside you again, but she was struggling even to think, being as close to you as she was, a brief moment ago - it wasn’t safe, no matter how much she wished it could be; she wouldn’t let herself lose control around you again, unless she knew you wanted her to, and were in such a state to make such a proclamation, possibly also followed by an apology for everything that had happened between you both, a little while ago, now. Obviously, that depended - she decided - on whether you got your memories back, or not; she didn’t want to force you to apologise for something you weren’t aware of, yet.

“Ren-”

Her heart skipped a beat again, her breath hitching in her throat as soon as she heard the nickname slip from your lips once more, and it didn’t take her long to decide she couldn’t take it anymore, as she shook her head, and smiled apologetically in your direction.

“I gotta make a call,” she claimed, and you would frown, before nodding gravely, and glancing back down at the keyboard, “make yourself at home, okay? I’ll be back in a bit.”

🜚

She rushed toward her car, once she’d got out of the trailer, breathing hard, and much too fast as her heart pounded against her ribcage. She’d never be used to how it felt, being around you like that - this was a fact she was sure of, now. She sighed, as she sat in the passenger seat, staring down at her hands as she tried not to let them shake. She wouldn’t let her feelings show that easily again; she’d promised she wouldn’t, after what had happened between you both, the last time you’d seen each other, before you’d said goodbye.

Her heart sank again, the moment replaying constantly in her head, though it hurt her more than anything else ever had, before, to allow it to do so. She thought about calling Alice; saying she couldn’t do it, but she couldn’t leave you to suffer alone; couldn’t let you get stuck in the hospital, the way that you were, now. She grunted, stuffing her phone back into her left pocket as she lifted her hands up to her face, frustrated, and exasperated; in desperate need of a drink, but she knew she couldn’t stay out here long, subconsciously wondering what you were doing, without her, right now.

🜸

You drew the fingers of your left hand over the keys, like she had, before, only stopping when you got to a lower octave ‘A’. You tilted your head partially, wondering why the sound seemed so familiar, especially as you followed it with a drop down to ‘F’. You smiled softly; it made you think of a certain piece: Debussy’s Claire De Lune, though immensely incomplete with a much thinner opening. You wished you could remember more, returning to ‘A’ as you thought about the piece more, trying to make sense of the sound, and you were sure you were close to understanding part of it, until you were hit by a memory - a distant one, but certainly a memory all the same.

•

Reneé was playing around on the keyboard at the time, you lingering timidly by the doorway. She smirked, sensing you a few paces away, watching her.

“You like staring,” she commented suggestively, and your heart skipped a beat, “any reason why?”

You winced, tensing up as you stepped back, but it was too late - you couldn’t flee, as she turned to face you, flipping her hair a little as she did, only making your heart pound and your head spin even more as she grinned in your direction, an all-knowing look in her eyes. You tried not to sigh, stammering a little as she tilted her head partially, before raising her eyebrows a little.

“W-What? No! I wasn’t staring… I - I was looking at something behind you!” You claimed, but she could tell you were lying as she grinned back at you, before gesticulating for you to sit beside her. You faltered, your heart skipping a beat, before you nodded timidly, and sat next to her, your left leg brushing against her right one. She tried not to shudder again, smirking over at you, but this time her smile was fainter, and almost as shy as your own. “S-So - what - what are you working on?” You inquired, and Reneé appeared taken aback, before glancing back down at the keyboard.

“N-Not much,” she claimed, not sure if she should go into much detail; she was worried about what you would think of it, right now, “just playing around for now, I guess - did you miss me?”

You smiled softly over at her, before you rested your head upon her right shoulder, only making her skin thrum even more alongside your own, as if full of electricity, somehow, just through the touches you were sharing together, no matter how brief they were, or how small they tended to be.

“I always miss you,” you admitted, your voice close to a whisper, “why wouldn’t I?”

“Good,” she replied, evidently glad to hear that you did, almost - if not as much - as she knew she did, “hey.”

You glanced over at her, your eyes glinting as soon as they locked with her own again.

“Yeah?” You responded, and she appeared nervous all of a sudden.

“I - I love you,” she cooed, and you felt warm, like you could melt, just in response to her words. “You know that, right?” She inquired, hopeful, as you affectionately leaned over to connect your forehead to her own.

“Always,” you answered, “n-no matter what; I - I love you, too, Ren, and I always will, I promise.”

“I’m glad, because - because I-.. I could never stop loving you, either,” she returned delicately, and you clung to each of her words, feeling more whole than you ever had, before, “it’ll always be you for me, I promise.”

“You’re too good to me,” you mused, and Reneé scoffed, before wrapping her right arm around your waist.

“If anything, I’m not good enough,” she contradicted, “I could do better for you - I know I could. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m perfect as shit, but there are things I wanna work on, and you can’t stop me from doing that, no matter what, so don’t even think about trying.”

You couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly in her direction.

“I’ll try not to,” you reassured her, delicately pressing a kiss to the right side of her head, and she swore she forgot how to breathe, for a second, “but I will make you one more promise for today - I will never stop trying, just without you knowing, because you’re right - you are perfect, Ren; you always have been, and that’ll never change - no matter what. You’ll never stop me from planning what I will, just to show you that, but sure - you may try and stop me, but I know what I’m going to do, and what you’re not going to achieve out of me.”

“Okay,” she returned, before giggling, “you can try, in silence - for now. Y’know, this is partly why I love you, you enormously stubborn but beautiful pain in the ass.”

You appeared taken aback, your heart skipping a beat or more again as you forgot how to breathe, and even think, feeling lost but in a field of lavender, her holding your hand no matter what. You tried not to sigh, a soft smile playing on your lips as she lifted her right hand up to the side of your head, only soothing you even more than you thought possible, before, as you melted further into her touch, wondering what you’d ever done to deserve someone as caring and warm as her.

“I wanna sing a song for you,” you stated, and she appeared taken aback, her heart skipping a beat for a moment as she looked over at you, evidently surprised as well as delighted by such a suggestion, “c-can I-?”

“I’d love that,” she admitted, and you expressed relief, before smiling softly over at her, and leaning a little closer to the keyboard, as well as sitting up straighter - you just wanted to impress her, no matter what - “what do you wanna sing for me?”

•

You faltered, your heart skipping a beat as you subconsciously played an ‘F# Major’ chord, and you were sure you would have played on, if Reneé hadn’t come back, and was stood at the door with a pained expression on her face.

🜸

She felt heavy, as she walked back toward the trailer, her heart pounding. She lingered by the door for a moment, trying to recompose herself, until she heard the chord, and her entire body began to tense up all over again.

🜸

“W-What are you playing?” She began feebly, her voice close to a whisper, and you would stop, wincing, before hastily turning to face her, appearing startled, as if you were afraid of what she’d think of you, now that she’d heard what you’d played, minimal though it was. One singular chord, with so much meaning.

“I - I don’t know,” you admitted faintly, and her expression would soften, though her eyes darkened as if such a response had hurt her, somehow, for a reason unbeknownst to you, “I just-… I guess I was-”

“It’s okay,” she cooed, “don’t worry, I just-.. I was curious; it sounded familiar - I don’t know why, but - but it did.”

“Right,” you managed, smiling weakly up at her, as she smiled timidly back at you, “hey, R-Ren? Could - Could I ask you something?”

Reneé hesitated, not sure as she warily looked over to the coffee machine, wondering if she should distract herself with that for a little while, as if it would protect her somehow from what you may be about to ask her. It scared her, to think that maybe you’d figured it all out, already - what you both used to be, compared to what you were, now. She couldn’t lose control of herself, not again; not after how it had ended, last time.

“Sure, but - while you do,” she began cautiously, “d’you want a coffee to go with it?”

You couldn’t help, but smile softly, prompting her to giggle quietly as you nodded, relieving her as well as yourself already, as she made to go over to the coffee machine, and began the preparations, all while you looked down at the keys again, and wondered if you should try and remember the rest of the piece, as you had begun it, a brief moment ago. You would have regret it, if it didn’t achieve a reaction out of her.

🜚

“Okay!” She chimed, as she walked back up to you, carrying two mugs, before she set them down on the coffee table stood to her right, right next to the sofa. You smiled your thanks up at her as she sat back down beside you, her heart skipping a beat. She winced, trying to ignore it as she smiled warmly back at you, her eyes locking with your own as soon as she looked over at you. You thought about what it would be like, for a moment, to lean closer to her. To let your lips brush against her own; your heart fluttered, and she tilted her head partially, only making it pound more; only making it harder to breathe, entirely.

You had to fight back a sigh again; it was dream-like, being here with her, though you’d only recently been reunited with her again, as a stranger, none-the-less. You forced yourself to look away from her, though it hurt to do so. Her heart sank, and you knew you’d messed up, sensing something had hurt her, though you couldn’t imagine why, or what could have done so. She cleared her throat awkwardly, before bowing her own head alongside your’s.

“Ren-”

“So, w-what did you want to ask me?” She inquired, before wincing, realising she’d spoken over you. “Sorry, I - I didn’t mean-.. sorry,” she added, whilst silently cursing herself for slipping up like that; for being so weak around you. She sighed, and you shook your head, smiling reassuringly over at her as you rested your left hand upon her own free one. Her heart skipped again, and her breath hitched in her throat, her lips parting a little - just a little. It was as if the feeling startled her, like an electric shock being sent through her arm, just from the touch of your hand, upon her own.

“It’s okay,” you cooed, your voice soothing her more than she thought possible, “I.. I know. I guess I just wanted to ask if we ever.. I don’t know-.. were.. something more, than we are, now?” Reneé tensed up, and you would wince, trying not to panic as you hastily shook your head, leaning a little closer to her as you intertwined your fingers with her own. “It’s okay, if you don’t know, or - or if we weren’t, I just-.. sorry,” you murmured, a pained expression on your face as she frowned, not sure what to do, especially now that you were already suspicious of what your and her past may have looked like, before.

“You saw something, didn’t you?” She guessed, avoiding eye contact with you as you appeared taken aback, glancing up at her again.

“H-How did you-”

“It wasn’t me,” she claimed, getting up off of the stool, and you would falter, a hurt look on your face as soon as her hand wasn’t holding your’s, again, “I - I never.. it was someone else, okay? We were never anything more than what we are, now, and don’t ever think otherwise, okay?”

“Okay,” you responded slowly, and the pain in your voice hurt her more than anything else ever had, before; it took a lot, not throwing her arms around you, “t-that’s fine, thank you, I - I just.. that was all I wanted to know.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, forcing a smile back at you, as she tried to distract herself by cleaning up a little, all while you went back to the chords you were previously figuring out again.

“Hey, could - could you maybe help me with this song?” You requested, gesticulating to the keyboard, and Reneé would appear skeptical, raising her eyebrows a little in your direction, before she warily approached you again, and managed a barely audible ‘sure’; you could tell she was scared, however, as she sat back down beside you, and forced a smile in your direction again.

“I guess it depends on what song you want me to help you with,” she answered, and you then appeared confused, remembering you didn’t know what it was called anymore, “you don’t know, do you?”

You hesitated, wincing, before you appeared embarrassed, and looked back down at the keyboard.

“I - okay, I don’t, but-.. I just.. don’t,” you murmured dejectedly, “I.. can you help me?”

Reneé’s expression softened, before she smiled lovingly back at you, and nodded, relieving you as you smiled weakly back at her.

“I’d do anything for you, Y/n,” she cooed, trying not to take your right hand in her left hand, not only because it was broken, but because she was worried about what it would make you think, about you and her; about how she felt about you. “C’mon,” she began again gently, as you tried not to stare over at her again, your heart pounding, more than it ever had before, “let’s try and work this out together, shall we?”

🜚

You didn’t get very far, but she knew what you were trying to do, nonetheless. She tensed up, as soon as you played the last two chords you’d managed to figure out. Her throat stung, as a lump formed within it; she’d never forgot the day you played it to her - how could she?

“Is - Is that-.. Foreigner?” She mused, trying not to let her voice tremble. You appeared confused, looking over at her. “Shit, sorry, you - you can’t remember, can you? It’s called-”

You faltered, as if something struck you, and she fell quiet, noticing the pained expression on your face.

“‘I Want to Know What Love Is’,” you interjected weakly, “that’s - that’s what it’s called, right? At least, I think that’s what it is - is it?”

“You’re always right,” she cooed softly, her voice briefly trembling as she did, “what do you think?”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You guessed, a soft smile playing on your lips, and she grinned back at you, before nodding, and looking away; she didn’t want you to see that she was trying not to cry, all over again. “Ren? A-Are - Are you-?” You began, and she would falter, wincing, before hastily shaking her head, not wanting to break down in front of you again.

“I’m okay,” she reassured, looking up at you as she did, but you could tell there was something wrong; her eyes were glistening a little, and it hurt, seeing her like that again, like it usually did whenever you noticed she looked sad, no matter how much you wished you could do everything to make her happy, even if you couldn’t remember exactly who you were to her, anymore, “I just.. I want.. I don’t know what I want anymore; I just.. want - you.”

You faltered, not sure what to do as you both stared over at one another for a moment, feeling almost lost, despite being so close together; almost as if you were still oceans apart, somehow. You wondered what would happen, if you leaned a little closer to her.

“I’m coming back,” you stated, and she raised her eyebrows, remembering a conversation that you’d both had before.

•

“It’s not gonna be for forever, Y/n,” she cooed, you standing a few paces away from her, a pained expression on your face, “you know that-”

“No, I don’t,” you contradicted sharply, but it didn’t stop your voice from shaking, “I’ve never had anyone stay, no matter how much they tell me they’re coming back. I don’t wanna lose you, too-”

Reneé hastily shook her head, before making to wrap her arms around your waist, and you couldn’t move away, your eyes locked with her’s - it was almost as if you were glued to her, ever since you’d first met her. You never wanted it to stop, but you were terrified, knowing that if she left, soon, you might never see her again. Your heart sank, and she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s, her lips close to your’s to the point that you couldn’t breathe, wanting nothing, but to be there with her, every moment of every day. You fought not to kiss her, no matter how much you wished you could, lifting your right hand up to her left cheek.

She smiled softly back at you, not hesitating to bring her own right hand up to your’s, keeping it there, but gently, not that you wanted to ever lose contact with her again. You sighed, melting into her touch as she eased you closer to her, her eyes glistening a little, and god did it hurt to see her trying not to cry, but you didn’t know what to do - you couldn’t go with her, no matter how much it hurt to say that, or even think it, the way you were, right now.

“Then come with me,” she practically pleaded, “Y/n, I-”

“No, Ren,” you interjected, and she faltered, her composure breaking as you withdrew from her, your eyes darkening as you bowed your head, sensing that she, too, was in pain, though you couldn’t imagine why - who wouldn’t be happy, to get away from someone like you? “I can’t do that, you know I can’t-”

“Why?” She questioned, trying not to break down as you stared at the door to your left, biting down upon your bottom lip to try and stop it from trembling again, but it was hard; every part of you wanted to break down, when her arms weren’t around you. You sighed again, the breath a little shakier than it was, before.

“You know why,” you uttered, “I told you before, I just-.. can’t. There’s too much, here; I can’t leave it behind. This is where everything started, for me; I need to stay, Ren - I have to-”

“So that’s just it? You don’t wanna go anywhere else, you just want-.. want to be here, and not go with me? Seriously? You’d rather lose me, than go with me, or at least trust my word that I’ll come back to you? Y/n-”

“I don’t want to get hurt again,” you murmured, “Ren, I-.. I’m sorry, but, maybe-.. maybe we should just..”

Her expression faltered again, and you couldn’t take it, staring down at your feet as you waited for the blow; waited for the pang you knew would break you, as soon as she agreed with you, like you didn’t doubt she would - especially not now. Instead, the pain that came soon enough was worse than anything you’d ever felt, before.

“But-..” She fell quiet, her voice smaller than you’d ever heard it, before. She scoffed, shaking her head, before bowing it, not sure what to do with herself anymore. She didn’t even know what to think, anymore.

“Ren, I-”

“It’s okay,” she claimed, but you knew you’d messed up; you knew it was too late to take it back, now, as she forced a smile over at you, before patting and gently squeezing your left shoulder, as if she were saying goodbye so soon, “have a nice life, Y/n, and I’ll try and have one, too, okay?”

•

That had been one of the worst moments of your entire lifetime. You remembered the pain as if it were only yesterday that it took place. Well, you used to remember. It was like a searing hot iron being pressed against your skin; like someone was digging it into your flesh, almost touching your rib cage. You winced, as if it were a pain striking you distantly from another universe. Reneé faltered, a pained expression on her face as she looked away from you. Nothing had ever hurt this much, before; she just wished you could see.

“You’re not coming back,” she contradicted subconsciously, her voice close to a whisper, and you would fall quiet, a hurt look on your face as you let your eyes meet her’s again, but the glance didn’t last long, “look, we-.. I don’t think we should be talking about this, right now-”

You raised your eyebrows, evidently surprise by her response.

“W-What are you talking about? We should be talking about this, because you know it’s true, Ren,” you contradicted determinedly, but she didn’t dare look back at you, no matter how much you silently begged her to, “look, I - I might not remember what, or how, we were, before, but-”

“We’ve only ever been friends,” she uttered, though it pained her even to let such words escape her lips, “nothing more than that, okay? Just.. don’t worry about it anymore, and we won’t have to get hurt again, okay? Please?”

You hesitated, not sure, but the hurt look on her face made it harder for you to say ‘no’, so instead you nodded gravely, and she expressed relief, glad to see you’d given up, before things could get any painful than they already were.

“Hey, I - I was thinking, could - could we maybe-?” You tensed up, though you’d never felt this nervous before, thinking she’d turn down your suggestion, especially after what had just happened between you both, a brief moment ago now. “I saw a park, on the way here,” you managed, as she warily looked over at you, as if awaiting some dreadful final blow, “c-could we go there, together? I think we should get some fresh air, for a bit, at least - it’s nice and sunny out there?”

Reneé hesitated, not sure as she looked warily toward the door, but she guessed it couldn’t hurt, as she smiled softly over at you, and got up off of the stool again.

“You’re right,” she corroborated, as she offered you her hand again, “maybe it would do us some good to get out for a little while - how far in d’you wanna go?”

🜚

“It’s nice out, today,” Reneé commented timidly, “yesterday, it was.. kinda miserable, to be honest - do you even remember what it was like?”

You winced, not sure as you tried to think back to the accident, but nothing much came to mind when you tried to recall what the weather had been like, at all. Your heart sank, and she frowned, nodding gravely, before she bowed her head.

“Sorry,” you managed weakly, “I-.. I thought maybe I could, but-.. I shouldn’t have tried, I’m sorry-”

“Why are you apologising?” She questioned, and you would falter, evidently a little flustered as you looked toward her, your heart pounding a little as if it hadn’t done so enough already today. You only hoped that she couldn’t tell your cheeks were a little redder than before, still.

“I don’t know,” you murmured, a pained expression on your face, “I just.. I thought.. sorry.”

“Hey,” she cooed gently, and you would fall quiet, glancing toward her again as your breath hitched in your throat, and your eyes widened especially as she eased you closer to her, the lake glistening to your left as she smiled softly over at you, as if you were more than what you thought you were, before, even after everything that had already happened today, leaving you worried that maybe she wouldn’t like you anymore, if you tried to continue prying the way that you were not too long ago, now, “it’s okay; it’s been a long day, and you’re hardly gonna remember everything if you’re tired, right?”

You raised your eyebrows, as you glanced toward the lake, wondering why the scenery felt familiar; even the feeling of her arms around you felt like it had happened, before. She eased you a little closer to her, and your heart skipped a beat.

“I don’t know,” you mused, “would something like that really make a difference, or do you just want me to stop trying?”

Reneé hesitated, not sure how to respond for a moment as she knew you were right; part of her was afraid of you figuring everything out, but the other wanted desperately to let you rest, and heal after what had happened, you getting caught up in that car crash, and all. The reminder of it only made her heart drop again; her blood run cold - she couldn’t bear to think of you getting yourself hurt like that; it only hurt more, to think maybe you’d done it on purpose, or on the way to where she’d requested you meet her, via the notes she’d left within T.J Klune’s Green Creek series.

“Why would I want you to stop trying? Y/n, all - all I want is for you to get some rest,” she answered a little defensively, and you couldn’t figure out why you thought she was lying, but a gut feeling told you that she was trying to hide something from you, and you couldn’t let it go, though you weren’t completely sure why you couldn’t do so possibly as easy as other people could - probably, anyway, if they weren’t as close to someone as you felt as if you were, to her, for reasons painfully unbeknownst to you, still, despite the fact that you’d almost spent a whole day with her, by now.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry, I - I’m just-.. curious, I guess,” you stated, and she rolled her eyes, but you could tell she didn’t mean it in a bad way, a soft smile playing on the corners of her lips as she tried to avoid eye contact with you, the two of you walking slowly side by side again, tracing the lake together, everything feeling and looking glassy like the surface did. “What do you miss the most, about us?” You asked, and she appeared taken aback by the question, her own heart skipping a beat as she even began to stammer a little, but you tried not to appear hopeful, knowing that it probably didn’t mean anything, but at the same time it scared you to think that you wanted it to mean something, to have her affected by you in such a way, the way she seemed to affect you, no matter how much she tried to insist that it wasn’t her who you’d been with, before. You just wished it weren’t so hard to remember, the memories always seeming to hit you in blurry scenes. Your most recent one had only confused you, too. It was like someone’s birthday, but you felt miserable, hiding away in your room, small tears leaking down your cheeks. Your heart sank again, but you tried to hide the pain from her. Little did you know, she was forced to remember moments like these, too, and they only hurt the more she recalled about them, especially when she knew that if the chances of getting you back were low, before, they were even lower, now.

•

“You can’t go,” she stated, blocking the door, “I’m not letting you go, Y/n-”

You grunted, stopping a few paces before her, but you didn’t dare look up at her again. If you did, you knew it would only hurt more. Instead, you bowed your head, and her heart dropped; she couldn’t stand seeing that things were breaking down the way they were between you both, but she didn’t know what else to do, anymore. Her heart ached, and she longed to throw her arms around you, but she didn’t know if you’d let her, and that only hurt her more than she thought possible. She sighed, shaking her head as she - too - looked away, wishing everything didn’t hurt as much, as it did, now.

“I thought you were fine with it, before,” you admitted, and she tensed up, remembering your and her previous fight when you’d decided maybe it would be better, if you both broke up, and went your separate ways. However, it did scare you that you were starting to think it impossible - a life, without her. You winced, wishing your heart would stop feeling as if someone were squeezing it, right now, close to the point of utter extinction as she silently begged you to look at her again; silently begged you to take it back - that you thought wrong your previous decision, and still loved her, like she feared she still loved you, but it wasn’t taking her long to lose hope, all over again, now, with you staring down at the ground, suitcase in hand. “You said-”

“I want you to stay,” she interjected weakly, “I - I didn’t mean it, I swear, I just-.. Y/n, I love you - please-”

“We’re not meant to be together, Ren,” you uttered, though it burned your tongue and throat to let such words escape you, especially when you felt the pain radiating off of her a few paces away from you, “I-.. I just can’t-”

“What, so you think it would be better to just - throw everything we ever did and said to each other away? Why the fuck would you ever think something like that? I thought we meant something to you-”

“We do,” you contradicted sharply, before a pained expression crossed your face, “we-.. we did, but I can’t do this anymore, okay? Reneé, we-.. we can’t keep doing this. I-.. I have to stay here, and you have to go and do what you’ve always dreamt of doing, right? That’s just the way things are; it’s always been like that. We knew this day was coming, we - we should have-”

“Yeah, but-.. but I-.. I never thought that you’d want to break us completely,” she interjected, and you couldn’t take hearing the pain in her voice, but you knew that even when you got away from it - whenever that may be - it would hurt, nonetheless, to be reminded of everything that was, and could have been.

You sighed, feeling helpless as you shuffled uncomfortably on the spot, suitcase still in your right hand whilst she tried not to pry it away from you; tried not to break down, but it was hard, not to do so, and she had to try and keep the small tears back that were currently forming in her eyes, the way that they were, now.

“Yeah, well.. nobody knows what the future holds for anyone here, do they?” You reminded her dejectedly, and she would frown, before nodding gravely, and trying to hide her face from you again, though she didn’t know why she was even bothering, now - why would you still care, if this was the way things were going for you both?

“I’m sorry you feel that way, about us,” she murmured, “it’s funny, because-.. I don’t know, I-.. I always thought there was something endless, about us; we’re.. we’ve always been.. forget it, I shouldn’t be wasting your time anymore, should I? You can go.”

Reneé meandered around you, and you thought about just slipping through the front door. Instead, you faltered before it, feeling her watching you a few paces behind you, a pained expression on her face again. You couldn’t do it, not without telling her the truth.

“Ren, you-.. you’re everything to me,” you admitted feebly, your voice threatening to crack as you glanced back at her, eyes dark, and still wet. She faltered, hastily lowering her gaze again as she shrugged, as if such a fact didn’t perturb her, right now. Not anymore.

“Great,” she uttered, “that’s-.. that’s really.. why are you doing this, exactly? Why, right now, are you doing this?”

“Because it’s true,” you answered determinedly, sounding exasperated, and she scoffed, “Ren-”

“Why, Y/n? Tell me why, or go, and I’ll never bother you again,” she pleaded, and you would hesitate, your hands shaking a little as you tried to calm down; tried not to panic, like you feared you might, soon, if you didn’t tell her, now, “please-”

“I have to do this because I love you, god damn it!” You cried, and she would fall quiet, her heart sinking again as she stared over at you, looking more crestfallen than you’d ever seen her, before. “I always have, and you know that; everything I’ve ever done has been for you!” You added, and you couldn’t hold it back anymore, crying quietly, as a strained sob escaped your lips, hurting her more than she thought possible as she shook her head faintly, before making to inch closer to you, but you only moved further back, until you were even against the door. She frowned, stopping in place as you tried to recompose yourself still, only to fail miserably, sniffling as your shoulders shook a little. She watched, feeling hopeless, a small tear managing to leak from her right eye as you stammered a little shakily, desperately trying not to break down even further than you already had. It was so easy, feeling weak around her; you wanted nothing, but to do everything you could for her, and you hoped more than anything that you leaving today would make her happy, no matter how much it hurt you, in the end.

•

It took her a little while to recompose herself as she tried to think of a response, these moments hitting her like bricks, hard and painful. She winced, avoiding eye contact with you again as you timidly awaited her answer, not realising you’d been forgetting to breathe, until she managed to speak up again.

“There’s a lot that I miss, about us,” she admitted dejectedly, and your heart sank, your eyes even darkening; there was so much you wished you could do, say - so much you were terrified you wouldn’t gain back again. She smiled sadly back at you, and you only felt worse, especially when she looked like she was about to cry again, only to bow her head and clear her throat as if she were trying to hide it from you, or something. You couldn’t take it; couldn’t take seeing her like this, especially when you didn’t know why, or what happened to make things the way they seemed to be, between you both. “One example would probably be how we were,” she mused, “h-how we-..” She drew in a barely audible shaky breath, before trying to disguise it as a faint cough. “It’s getting cold,” she stated, before smiling weakly over at you again, your blood running cold as you tried not to shake your head, wanting to spend more time with her, especially after everything that had happened, recently, including the memories only making the strange feelings you were experiencing to grow more intense with every minute you seemed to spend beside her, “m-maybe we should-”

“Wait,” you interjected breathlessly, “c-can we just-?” You winced, falling quiet, as you worried about what she might say, or do; how she could easily leave you as fast as she had presented herself to you. Your heart sank, and you stepped back, forcing a smile over at her as you fought back another sigh, no matter how much it hurt to hide everything you wished you could tell her, right now. “Never mind,” you uttered, and she frowned, a little disappointed, though she knew she should be relieved; that she couldn’t let her hopes grow anymore than they already had; it was still too painful, thinking about how much she wished she could tell you that she still loved you; that she’d never stopped, but she guessed that was all her feelings should be, right now - painful little secrets, so it was no surprise that the following night only made them pain her more than they ever had before.

🜚

Reneé remembered how you used to have nightmares. She never really figured out the cause of them; you’d always been too scared to tell her anything about what they consisted of. That night, she let you have the bed, considering there were no others, and she didn’t want to take up your space (not to mention that - despite the bed being a double - she didn’t want to make things awkward, nor did she want to take any risks that might lead to anything happening that she wouldn’t be able to take back the next day).

She winced, just thinking about it, but at the same time it made her ache again. She didn’t like being away from you, though you were just technically still beside her, just not close enough for her to reach out and hold you. She frowned up at the ceiling, trying not to think about it too much, but it was hard not to think about. You glanced down at her, as your eyelids fluttered open sleepily; you’d not been able to get any sleep, yet. The bed was cold, your body colder, even with the duvet you were hugging close to you, half of it draping off of the side as you’d insisted she have part of it, too. You didn’t want her to just have the blanket she was using, thin as it was, no matter how much she tried to protest to your suggestion. Some things never changed - her heart throbbed again.

The first night she knew about your feelings for her, had been one that had never left her, no matter what happened between you both. Even now, it was hard not to think about. You’d had a nightmare again; the wind was roaring outside. She sighed, her eyes glossy as she shook her head, before turning her head away, but the scene continued, no matter how much she wished the memories would just leave her alone, now.

•

She remembered it was really dark, whilst you were both in the room together. That she’d invited you over, after you’d told her you’d been struggling to sleep, recently. She timidly glanced over at you occasionally, lying next to you upon the bed after you’d requested for her to do so, though you’d been nervous to, worried about how it would feel, to be that close to her; how it would make your heart pound too fast again; how it would make your blood rush up to your cheeks.

You smiled softly, feeling her arms around you. She smiled lovingly, resting her head upon the space above your own. Your hair tickled her chin, but she couldn’t help, but love how it felt to be like this, with you. She wished she could wake up like this everyday, cuddled up with you. She tried not to sigh, though she was content, not wanting to scare you, or wake you up - she still thought you were sleeping, at the moment, not noticing how your eyelids occasionally opened alongside her own.

You’d felt so safe, turning around to face her so you could bury your face into the crook of her neck, and it was enough to almost make her shudder; the feeling of your skin against her own. She winced, feeling her cheeks heating up a little as she pressed her lips and nose to your scalp, trying not to make a sound, though there was an internal squeak longing to escape her lips, right now, during this blissful moment in time.

That had been before the nightmare had come, again. You started shaking in her arms, crying quietly as she began to stir beside you, her eyelids heavy with sleep, and chest wary as she stretched carefully, yawning as she did, until she noticed the pained expression on your face; the small tears leaking down your cheeks as your eyelids seemed to be closed tightly, as if you were afraid of opening your eyes; as if you were stuck, where you were, unable to find the way out.

Her blood ran cold, and she hastily shook her head, before gently shaking you, and at first you panicked, crying out as she held you close to her, her eyes darkening; she hated seeing you like this - so distraught, and terrified, as if you were in danger, somehow; as if she could lose you, if she didn’t wake you up, and soon after the nightmare had begun. This had often been the case. You cried quietly as she guided your head down, and you buried your face into the crook of her neck.

“It’s okay,” she cooed gently, but you shook your head, clinging to her vest as you silently begged for her to never let you go, terrified of what might happen, if she did; you’d always wondered if she would disappear, when her arms weren’t around you the way that they were, now. It was painful, having to think like that. This had often been the case, however, especially after your ex had left you, the year before. “You’re okay, I promise,” she continued, “n-nothing’s ever gonna hurt you again; I won’t let it-”

“Please don’t leave me,” you begged shakily, your voice close to a whisper, and she faltered, a hurt look on her face as she held you at arm’s length, her eyes full of the pain she was trying not to show, right now, “promise me you won’t; that - that we’ll always be together, no matter what.”

“We’ll always be together, I promise,” she reassured softly, your forehead against her own affectionately, “I - I could never-”

“I’m scared, Ren,” you managed, your voice barely audible, “I - I’ve never-…”

“It’s okay,” she continued, lifting her right hand up to your left cheek, “everything’s okay, now, I promise, and that’s the way it’s always going to be, no matter what, okay? You’re safe with me - you know that, right?”

You appeared taken aback by the question, wondering why she even doubted that you knew; you’d always known; you’d never stop. She encased you in so much warmth it was unbearable, sometimes; it became hard not to cry; to even breathe. You drew in a shaky breath, allowing your eyes to lock with her own, and the warmth came again - so familiar, so safe, but it still made your heart pound. She smiled softly in your direction, and you felt as if you could melt, trying not to let your gaze drift down to her lips - so close, you could almost just touch them, but you didn’t want to scare her away from you. You winced, stammering a little as she waited patiently for you to respond; to recompose yourself. It was hard not to cry, right now, overwhelming emotions and all.

“I - I think-.. Ren, I-..” You fell quiet, and she frowned, noticing that you were trying not to cry again, but it wasn’t because you were doubtful of her ability to protect you - it was just because you were afraid of what she’d think of you, if you ever got to tell her everything you wished you could, over and over again. “I’m - fuck,” you uttered, evidently frustrated at how difficult it was to form the words you longed to say, right now. It was embarrassing, to say the least, but it didn’t dissuade her from you, as she grinned softly over at you, her eyes glinting a little - she found it cute, how she seemed to have this effect on you. She just wished she knew then, what she knew now, even before you’d told her the truth about your feelings for her.

“It’s nice to meet you, fuck,” she remarked, and your heart skipped a beat as she offered you her left hand, “I’m Reneé, but you can call me Ren, if you want to!”

“I - I’d love that,” you managed, and she smirked over at you, evidently amused by your response as you giggled softly, and her heart skipped a beat again, “you, e-er.. you look pretty; you always look pretty.”

“You always look pretty, too,” she cooed, and you appeared taken aback, your breath hitching in your throat, “Y/n-”

“Ren, I-.. I think-.. please don’t hate me, but.. sometimes I think that m-maybe I - e-er - turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned to,” you admitted, much too fast, and she faltered, forgetting how to breathe alongside you as her heart skipped a beat again, “i-is that okay?”

Reneé raised her eyebrows, trying to recompose herself alongside you as you smiled timidly over at her, before hastily looking away, as if you were afraid of what might happen, if you looked back over at her again, though you loved more than anything to look into her eyes like they were the brightest orbs you’d ever seen; the centre of your very existence. She delicately ran her right hand up to the back of your head, and you shuddered a little, unable to stop yourself as your eyes locked with her’s again, and she had to try and stop herself from kissing you, holding herself back, though her lips almost brushed against your’s, a brief moment ago, now.

She winced, appearing a little flustered, and you yourself looked as if you were still nervous, watching her anxiously as she tried to think of the right words to say, in response to your previous revelation.

“Of course it is,” she answered, and you expressed relief, “Y/n, we - we’re best friends. God, this is gonna sound cheesy, but - I love when you’re half asleep, and talking nonsense.”

Your heart sank a little, but you forced a smile over at her.

“You think it’s just ‘nonsense’, huh?” You guessed, and Reneé faltered, tilting her head partially as her smile dropped alongside her heart. “I-.. I meant it, Ren,” you admitted feebly, avoiding eye contact with her again, “I’ve always-”

She shook her head, and she couldn’t hold it back anymore as she delicately lifted your face back up to her own, before pressing her lips to your’s, and hoping the sun would never rise again.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it, and are looking forward to the next one! ❤️

[orchideous-nox]

I Wish by Reneé Rapp but it's James Potter and his anxiety about losing his parents until it happens.

[iluvapplesxh]

│٩Reneé Rapp master list۶│

These are fics of Reneé Rapp written by me under the cut! <33

𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬:

Pretty Sad Eyes - All you wanted was to like yourself. To look at yourself and not feel that awful hate towards your own body. The body you were supposed to love and adore, right? Well there's another thing you failed in.

Pick Me Up - Reneé decided to surprise you after your last class of the week by a little hang out proposition, and although you show a little distaste towards it, you definitely don't regret it.

⏤͟͟͞͞ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐬: ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ

[death-threats-and-rainbows]

Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey, Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls (2024) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Regina George/Janis Ian | Janis Sarkisian | Janis 'Imi'ike Characters: Regina George, Janis Ian | Janis Sarkisian | Janis 'Imi'ike Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, not related to mean girls in really any form, Public transport, they keep seeing each other, Enemies to Lovers, Lesbian Regina George, Lesbian Janis Ian | Janis Sarkisian | Janis 'Imi'ike, Trains, Bus Summary:

The first time Janis ever sees the blonde, it’s not really noteworthy. It’s a bus, of course there are going to be hot strangers, she saw new people everyday, the amount surely totalling to over a thousand. She almost forgot about it, almost. There was something about those piercing blue eyes that stayed with her.

——

Janis keeps seeing Regina while taking public transport, Regina doesn’t seem to like her that much – until she does

[idkwhatever580]

Not only did I see Chappell Roan. I also saw Reneé Rapp and I’m eternally grateful 😭🔫🔫🔫

Hey guys… so I haven’t been active the past few days in here and I’m really behind on reading ✋😭🔫 I am gonna be a while since I’m not writing anything right now. I’m sorry. But I’ll still feed y’all a little. Here’s a never seen before clip of Chappell Roan singing The Subway 🤪 (never seen before because I haven’t even posted it on my tt yet so y’all are special) (I literally SOBBED to this) I apologize if you hear me screaming I haven’t looked at the full thing yet and last night was a blur ✋😭

Also… to the person with the fan in front of me. I hate you. And I hope you take this personally because you deserve nothing. (In reality they were just having fun but you know how it is 😭🙄😣)

[superhaught]

Gym Class Heroes (Chapter Two)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warnings: homophobia

Word Count: ~2300, Part 2/?

Part 1

Regina pursues her interest in protecting reader as she recovers from the basketball to the head.

Turns out, you did indeed have a mild concussion from the basketball incident, so you took the weekend and the following Monday off of school to rest and recuperate.

You were napping when your mom knocked lightly on your bedroom door and then came in. You woke up and saw that she had an armful of things.

“One of your school friends stopped by and brought your homework from today plus a card and some snacks, how sweet!”

You sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, “one of my friends? Do you know who?”

“Oh I don’t know, sweetheart. She was blonde and tall and pretty.”

You couldn’t help your face from lighting up, “gimme the card!”

Your mom handed you everything and you tore open the envelope. It was a simple “get well soon” card but what you were most interested in was the handwritten note. The writer’s penmanship was exquisite, not that you were particularly surprised by that fact. The card smelled like her perfume, as if she had spritzed some on. She’s unreal, you thought. Fragrant notes of orange blossom and rose filled your nostrils and it was addictive. 

The note read: Hey you, I hope you’re doing okay and aren’t too worried about getting behind on schoolwork. If you need help getting your homework done, I know a guy. Anyways, Shane got three days of suspension, which isn’t enough, imo. Text me if ur bored <3 R

She wrote her phone number at the end. You giggled and reread it in full, going as far as kicking your feet excitedly under your blankets. 

“She seems like a sweet girl,” your mom pointed out.

Her voice brought you back to reality. You cleared your throat, “mom, my head is kind of hurting, can I go back to sleep?”

“Oh yeah, of course honey! Get some rest.”

“Thank you,” you set the card down next to you and laid back down as your mom left and once she closed the door behind her, you grabbed your phone and began typing a message to Regina’s number. 

“Hey, ‘R’” you wrote. 

The message delivered and the little typing-indicator dots showed up right away, then her message back came through, “I’m glad you didn’t keep me waiting ;)” then she sent a second message, “how are you feeling?”

[Text Message Transcript: Reader: I’m feeling okay. I got a concussion like you thought, but I should be back tomorrow. Thank you for the snacks, btw. How did you know cheez-its are my fav? | Regina: My lips are sealed | Reader: You must have gone to a lot of effort to discover my favorite snacks and my home address… | Regina: It’s nothing someone with my social power can’t handle. | Reader: Well, I owe you. For this and for taking care of me yesterday. | Regina: You don’t owe a thing | Reader: Come on, you’ve gotta let me repay you somehow. | Regina: I won’t allow it | Reader: -_- | Regina: :P | seriously. don’t worry about it. | Reader: But why are you being so nice to me? | Regina: because | Reader: That isn’t an answer | Regina: must I have a reason?? | Reader: People usually do | Regina: cynical of you | I guess I feel bad. MY idiot ex gave you a concussion and was an asshole | also | I think ur cute | Reader: It’s not like you own him. | Regina: are you just gonna ignore that last part | Reader: I was getting there! how do you type so fast when you have acrylics?? | Regina: ... | i blame your concussed brain | Reader: You thought about making a dirty joke, didn't you? | Regina: no | maybe | Reader: So... you think I'm cute? | Regina: Not anymore. I take it back because you embarrassed me. | Reader: No take backsies | Regina: Well now I really take it back because that was dumb | Reader: I don't believe you! | Regina: good | you're going to have to see through my bitch act if we keep going along this path | Reader: "if we keep going along this path" meaning...? | Regina: meaning... if you let me take you out on a date | when you're all recovered of course | Reader: Like... a date date? | Regina: yeah dumbass | what other kind is there?| Reader: Sorry!! I've just... never been asked out before | Regina: okay well... I am asking you out | End of transcript]

Being stunned, you didn’t respond to Regina’s text right away. Your heart was pounding. You couldn’t believe that Regina, the queen bee of the school, the most popular girl, the previously-believed-to-be-completely-and-totally-straight-girl, was asking you out. 

Another text from her popped up, “well don’t leave me hanging”

You decided that you wanted to call her. Maybe you felt like you needed to in order to confirm that this was actually real. You called and it rang twice and then you heard her voice through the phone.

She chuckled as she spoke, “hi…”

“Hi…” you said back, suddenly forgetting what words were. 

“What did you want to say that couldn’t have been sent over text?”

“I just… you really want to date me?”

“Yes. I do. Is that really so shocking?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Well listen, I’ve had my eye on you for a while now. And, as I’m sure you are aware, I’m used to getting what I want.”

You shuddered and then replied, “Regina… I’d love to go out with you.”

The two of you continued to talk on the phone well into the night. It was Regina who insisted that you hang up and go to bed to get some good sleep before coming to school tomorrow. The blonde also offered to pick you up in the morning and drive you to school herself. You, of course, accepted. 

You went to sleep feeling lighter than air. 

In the morning, you got ready for school with more zeal than you ever had in your life. Your mother wondered out loud whether you had been replaced overnight by an entirely different person. You just smiled and said that you were happy and feeling better. 

There was a car horn honk from your driveway and your mom kissed your cheek goodbye as you left your home. 

Regina was sitting in her black Jeep, using her mirror to fix her hair. She smiled at you as you came out of your house and approached the passenger side of her car. She leaned and reached over, cracking the door open for you and then offering you her hand to hold as you stepped up into the car.

You sat down and tossed your backpack into the backseat. 

She smiled again, looking you over, “you look so cute!” Regina then gently caressed her thumb over the bruise on your forehead from the basketball, “and this is looking much better.”

You looked her up and down as well and smiled, “you look incredible…”

“Thanks, baby.” 

She had called you ‘baby’ on the phone the night before as well. The affection made your heart flutter.

She continued, “get buckled, let’s go.”

Regina drove you both to school and parked in her spot in the student lot. It wasn’t an assigned parking spot or anything, it was just the closest spot to her preferred entrance and it was hers by way of having scolded anyone who had ever dared to park there.

When you got out of the car, Regina walked over to you and took your hand in hers. 

Surprised, you said, “you know, we haven’t actually gone out yet…”

“I know that. Do you mind if I hold your hand anyway? Do I have to wait before I can show you off?”

“I don’t mind,” you smiled. 

Regina walked you into the school and immediately, all eyes were on the two of you. You half expected Regina to drop your hand but she didn’t. You glanced over at her and she was proud. Beaming even. 

She squeezed your hand a little tighter and looked at you, “you okay?”

You nodded your head, “I am.”

Regina went with you to your locker and leaned against the adjacent locker while you put your backpack away. Then Regina noticed that you had a small magnetic mirror in your locker and she came up behind you and wrapped her arms around you from behind and looked into the mirror.

“We look good together, don’t we?”

You looked at the image in the mirror and thought she was right. With her bright blonde locks draped over your shoulders, her manicured fingers touching your neck, her cheek pressed against yours, it was a dream come true. 

“It’s way too easy for me to get lost in you…”

“I feel the same way, baby.”

At that point, Gretchen and Karen approached, locating Regina as if they had a homing beacon to her. Gretchen flashed you a polite smile and said, “you look mostly recovered!”

Karen stared at you with wide eyes and said, “don’t worry, I’ve been knocked out by a basketball too! It happens to everyone.”

You thought about objecting to her statement in some way but then you just nodded. 

Regina grabbed your hand again and touched your cheek, turning you to face her, “you’ll sit with us at lunch, right?”

“Oh sure! If you want me to…”

“Of course, silly! Well, you know where to find me, then. I’ll see you later.” Regina pulled you into a hug and squeezed you tightly against her chest. And for the first time in your life, you felt genuinely wanted.

The next two days went by fast. Regina took over driving you to and from school and your mom thanked her profusely for giving her a break. You joined Regina, Gretchen and Karen for lunch, sometimes you were also joined by Cady, Janis and Damien, now that things had gotten less tense between those two trios in the aftermath of the junior year dramatics. 

Regina was extremely attentive to you. You naturally fell into habits of taking care of each other, Regina looking out for you as you continued to recover from your concussion, and you paying attention to her chronic pain flare ups and making sure she was monitoring her POTS symptoms. 

You and Regina agreed to go on your first official date together that weekend, but she certainly was not hesitating to claim you as hers in the meantime. In those 48 hours, there was already an instagram and twitter account dedicated to shipping the two of you and you overheard a lot of talk about your sudden closeness and Regina’s obvious protection over you. 

It all came to a head the day that Shane Oman was back at school.

At lunch, Regina showed up to the table a few minutes later than what was typical for her, and she was dragging Shane by his shirtsleeve until she shoved him right in front of you. 

You set your lunch down and looked at him, then Regina, who shoved him again and said, “well, go ahead.”

Shane rolled his eyes, “fine… I’m sorry…”

Regina’s arms were crossed but she smirked a little, clearly proud of herself. 

“Sorry that you’re a disgusting fucking carpetmuncher!” Shane finished, yelling loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear and immediately cease their conversations, turning all of their attention to your table. 

Gretchen covered her own mouth in shock. Janis and Damien's jaws both dropped open. Karen was staring at something on the ceiling. Cady whispered “oh my gosh” under her breath. 

You just froze and stared. 

Regina lurched forward and gripped the back of Shane’s shirt collar, pulling him backwards by it in a swift motion and basically choking him with the fabric, “what the fuck did you just say?” she growled.

Shane coughed, “I… I… said… carpetmuncher… and I’m not sorry… and I don’t believe for one second… that you’re falling for this… this… dyke!”

“Oh? You don’t?” Regina pushed Shane down to the ground and he collapsed to his knees and rubbed his neck as Regina let him go. Regina walked over to you and took your face in her hands. One second, her face was red with fury, but when she looked down at you, she immediately softened. She pulled you close to her and then pressed her lips to yours.

It wasn’t how you imagined how your first kiss with Regina would have gone, but you wouldn’t have changed anything about it. 

She kissed you so tenderly. Your senses were completely overwhelmed by the softness of her lips, the taste of her lip gloss, the smell of her hair, the feel of her tongue just teasing your bottom lip. Regina held the kiss for a long time and you held her waist. 

You knew everyone’s eyes (and cameras) were on you, but you couldn’t have cared less. You had Regina, and that’s all that mattered. 

When Regina pulled away, she kept eye contact with you for a moment and smiled, assuring you that she kissed you because she wanted to, not just to prove a point. She came back to give you one more quick and gentle kiss before returning her attention to the pathetic man on the ground. 

“Next time you want to say anything derogatory to my baby here, you better be fucking prepared to say it to me, too, Shane. And I don’t think I need to spell out the absolute shithole you will find yourself in if you do that.” 

Shane stared at her with wide, terrified, eyes.

“Now get the fuck out of my sight.” Regina added. 

Shane scrambled to his feet and sprinted out of the cafeteria as Regina took her seat next to you with closed eyes and exhaled a breath through her nose to calm herself.

You leaned your head on her shoulder and whispered, “thank you, Gina.”

She turned her head and kissed your temple, “of course, baby.”

[melziss]

thought I'd make a little ✨️about me✨️ post for ya'll.

so this is me (if you care)

name: mel

age: 19 (scorpio bby)

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: bi (but less and less everyday honestly into girls and girls only

country: brazil 🇧🇷

I'll mostly talk about how gay i am for women, how beautiful women are, and how women are the best thing to exist

I'm also a fucker for incorrect quotes, so you'll find a lot of them in here cause they're easy to do.

ships (aka my ao3 favorited tags): clexa, calzona, marina, supercorp, ronance, skimmons, avatrice, vauseman, lottienat, jackieshauna, taivan, limoreau, avalance, wenclair, bishova, kacy.

now to the good stuff: the fandoms (under the read more, cause i got too excited)

[i won't necessarily post about them, but they might pop up here and there]

music: maya hawke, gracie abrams, conan gray, boygenius, muna, reneé rapp, taylor swift, harry styles and lorde.+ chappell roan, noah kahan and sabrina carpenter

tv shows and movies:

• current (might pop up more): ncis hawai'i, ncis sydney, legends of tomorrow, wynonna earp, supergirl, madame web.

• favorites (will pop up a lot and then never be talked about for months): yellowjackets, warrior nun, motherland fort salem, scream, agents of shield, station 19, grey's anatomy, hawkeye, orange is the new black, criminal minds, percy jackson, bottoms, stranger things.

• supernatural/post apocaliptical stuff i watched when i was 12 and are now camp to me (I'll talk abt it if you want me too): teen wolf, the vampire diaries, the 100, twilight, wolfblood, the originals, pretty little liars, buffy the vampire slayer.

other random stuff im into: all things mcu, movie commentaries, and long ass deep dives [mike's mic, ur internet mom ash, dylan is in trouble, trin lovell, uncarley], the sims 4, reading fanfiction, art, interviews and press, arrowverse, podcasts, movies directed and produced by women, sapphic media, reading, architectural digest, collecting popcorn buckets, jenna ortega, milo manhein, matthew gray gubler, motherhood, found family trope, fashion and cats.

that's all folks, some other random shit might pop up eventually but im a pretty chill person...feel free to recommend me stuff you think I'll like based on all of the shit i wrote above.

[pezberrywhoreee]

'Controlled'

pairing: dom!janis imi'ike x sub!regina george

words: 2,685

content warning: harddom!janis, puppyslutsub!regina, bdsm, d/s dynamic, hypno kink, puppy play, forced puppyfication, cnc, strap, humiliation, corruption, oral fixation, orgasm torture, overstimulation, frottage and grinding, spitplay (drool)

summary: she doesn't know what's good for her, but she'll learn

a/n: any tist's or people that do hypno (whether erotic or not), i want to make it clear that it was an artistic choice to not include dialogue of each suggestion of triggers that janis gives. i thought that it would get too repetitive and it could've potentially made the reaction a little underwhelming. however, i fully understand that suggestions must be made in order for a trigger to essentially function. i don't know if im overthinking it or not but im really not out here trying to misrepresent the art that is hypnosis with my subpar knowledge :D

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that?" Janis stalked behind the taller girl, her voice eerily calm and collected by her neck.

Regina only scoffed in return, finding the girls attempt at intimidation humorous at best.

"Kneel right now" the brunette ordered, her low tone already tickling Regina's inherent need to submit to the woman. "Fucking kneel!" Janis raised her voice when the blonde gave her an unimpressed look.

They had been playfully arguing about how Regina would make a beautifully pliable puppy, to which the blonde counter argued that the brunette was crazy to think that she would ever have such little dignity, especially in front of someone who knew her to be so confident in the way she held herself.

It was when Regia kept insisting a little too seriously that Janis was "delusional" that the brunette knew it was the perfect time to start the scene.

Janis grabbed the girl's wrist and dragged her into their shared bedroom. Not one part of her was surprised when Regina didn't put up a fight. She would never admit it but she arguably preferred submission over dominance. It was very obvious but she liked to think that it wasn't.

The blonde held the fierce eye contact that the brunette threatened her with, her peripheral catching how the girl's chest heaved in rage. Regina couldn't help the way her eyebrow cocked along with the smirk that pulled at her lips, which ultimately drove Janis to quickly push the girl onto the floor by her head, forcing weight on it until her knees gave out and she dropped on the hardwood.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" the blonde exclaimed as Janis forced her arms behind her back and gave her a warning and expectant look to stay put.

"You don't know what's good for you, Regina" the brunette hummed, controlling the rage in her voice as she moved to retrieve a couple of accessories to aid what she was about to put the stubborn girl through.

After Regina collected herself from being called her name by her girlfriend, she scoffed once more at her words. "So you're going to force me to find out what is?" she challenged, cocking her head though she kept her position.

"Oh please, don't act like you don't want it!" Janis retorted as she stepped back in front of the kneeling girl.

Regina rolled her eyes because she knew that the girl was right.

Janis joined the blonde on the floor, sitting in front of her to bring her to eye level. "Deep breath" she commanded as she forced eye contact with the blonde once more. She smiled as the girl complied, seeing a bit of her reserve dissolving. "Relax your body, untense, let your knees and arms slack if they need to" the brunette tapped into the familiar soft, monotone part of her voice.

On the exhale, the blonde allowed her body to relax. Her head dropped slightly and her arms unlinked, falling by her sides. Her weight fell into her hips, pushing down into her thighs.

"Good girl, one more time~". Janis encouraged as she mirrored the action, hopefully pushing the girl to feel more comfortable. "Let those eyes fall, listen to your body", she hummed as she kept a close eye on the girl's breathing.

Regina slumped on the exhale further. Her head closer to lolling but still not fully dropped, her stomach more pushed out as her chest hallowed.

"Such a good girl. Every time I say 'good girl' you are going to feel yourself relaxing deeper into that safe, secure place. Don't resist it" the brunette continued, smiling as she saw the girls eyes starting to flutter shut and become one with her breathing.

"Now, every time I touch your forehead and say 'stop' you're going to return to your normal state. Your breathing will be normal as if you just woke up. When you hear a snap, you're going to fall two times deeper into that safe, dumb, thoughtless place. Nod if you understand". Janis hummed, pleased with how quickly the girl was falling into trance.

The blonde gave a slight nod, showing the brunette that she was actively listening.

She brought her finger up and tapped her forehead, humming the release trigger. Regina blinked her eyes open, a tired smile on her face as the brunette came into sight again. "Very good~. How was that, baby?", she asked as her hand reached to stroke at the girl's thigh.

Regina gave her a less powerful scoff. "Do you think this is actually going to work?" she got out just before the snap resonated in her head and she instantly dropped deeper into trance.

Janis let a soft laugh leave her at the irony of the moment. "I'm going to touch your forehead and you will undress unknowingly. It will feel instinctual and natural and you will not realise until I point it out. You're doing so well, baby" she suggested, her tone becoming a bit more commanding, but still recognisable to the tranced girl.

As soon as Regina felt the touch to her face, her eyes fluttered open and she took in the girl's pleased face. She reached for the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head and handing it to the girl in front of her. Janis took it with a chuckle at which Regina furrowed her brows.

The blonde pushed back on her ass to peel off the boxers that she was wearing, handing that to the girl too. Janis took a moment to acknowledge the light sheen of arousal that glazed the girls cunt. She waited for Regina to kneel again before piping up.

"Notice anything?" the brunette gestured to her body, fighting a smirk.

Regina looked down, taken aback by her naked state. "Oh fuck...I'm getting wet" she mumbled, feeling the growing throbbing at her cunt. She fought the confusing urge to let her hands fall between her thighs.

Janis let that smirk make itself known. "Well that was quick, huh?" she teased lightly.

"Shut the fuck up—" Regina just managed to retort before that snap triggered that familiar response that now become muscle memory.

The brunette took this opportunity to secure a leather collar around the girl's neck, making sure it wasn't too tight but tight enough to always be felt. She also slipped a leather harness onto her hips, fastening the buckles in the front snugly.

"When I touch your nose and say 'puppy' you are going to only think puppy thoughts. You will act like a puppy and nothing will exist besides following commands and being a good girl.". Janis hummed, feeling herself really getting into it now.

The trigger elicited a low whine in the back of Regina's throat as she came back into something akin to reality. These puppy-like sounds continued as she planted her fist against the ground and pushed her back up, now on all fours with her back arched.

She briefly shook her head, as if to rid of the hazy feeling in her body which Janis found endearing.

The blonde looked up at the shorter girl, her tongue threatening to loll out.

"Let go, puppy" Janis encouraged softly as she moved to stand back up. She hummed when the girl let her tongue hang out, little pants accompanying the act.

Regina started to barely noticeably wiggle her ass along with her panting but was encouraged by the hummed "good girl" that once again fell from the brunette's lips.

The brunette watched as the girl began to lightly shake from the amount of attention she was getting, a satisfied grin appearing on her face.

She reached for the attachable toy that connects to the harness as she spoke. "Puppy's don't think. You're too dumb to think on your own and you need someone smarter to think for you, isn't that right?" Janis hummed, her tone now mocking.

The blonde nodded, a wide smile obstructed by her tongue.

"Such a good girl-" she hummed before tapping the girls forehead again "in heat: 8". A shit eating grin appeared on the brunette's face as she attached the toy into the rings of the harness, quickly averting her attention back to the panting girl.

Regina sunk into the ground with another throaty whine, her tongue disappearing periodically to whimper. She looked up at the other girl with begging eyes, her ass pushed out.

"Please, mommy" she whined as she dropped her head, hopefully muffling the desperate plea.

The brunette tried to hide her surprise at the infrequent honourific that so beautifully rolled off the girls tongue.

"Uh uh, puppy's don't speak, you know that! Be a good girl and bark for me. In heat: 9" the brunette played around with triggers, laughing sadistically when the girl quietly barked as her face was tapped.

Janis marveled at the panting girl, in love with how deep in her mind she already was. Her eyes caught how the blonde was pushing her hips into the air, cocking a brow.

"Come here, puppy!" her voice jumped up an octave as she sat down on the edge of the bed, patting her lap enticingly.

The brunette hummed contently as Regina crawled over to her without question. She was rewarded with a few a scritches behind her ear which she leaned into. Janis couldn't help but find it endearing to see the girl give into what they both knew was good for her.

"What are we going to do with this mouth?" Janis teased as she ran her fingers along Regina's lips, pushing them into her practically drooling mouth and collecting some saliva to spread on her chin.

She chuckled as the vibrating girl's eyes went between her face and the toy resting on her pelvis, her eyes intense and eager.

Janis gave her a challenging look at which the blonde took the opportunity to nuzzle against the leather decorating the girl's hips, whining while doing so.

"Oh—do you want something?" the brunette taunted as she continued to softly stroke the girl's head. Regina let her tongue loll out once more before giving a low growl in frustration.

Janis knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to not think. She needed to turn her brain off. Now there's no reality in where she would admit this but the brunette could see right through her, and besides they had excessively talked about it during negotiation.

"Is the puppy all bothered? Is she not getting what she wants?" the brunette mocked as she slipped her shin between the girl's spread legs. She gave her a gentle nod as desperate eyes looked up at her.

With a growl the blonde lowered her cunt against the girl's leg, her eyes fluttering and another whine resounding in her throat. "You better put that mouth to use, baby" she purred as she took hold of both the girl's head and the toy, running the tip along waiting lips.

Janis bit her lip as the girl stuck her tongue out and took the silicon tip into her mouth, her hips starting a rather quick rhythm as she rubbed against the brunette. Her eyes squeezed shut at the heightened sensations that were powering her body.

The blonde started to feel thoughts fading away, her mind slowly becoming empty. This only increased her already debilitating arousal.

The shorter girl's hand found a comfortable grip on the girl's jaw, lightly forcing her to take the strap deeper into her mouth. She wanted to show her that filling her holes could potentially make up for being blank otherwise.

"All it took was a little coercion and mocking to get you right where you belong. To get you doing the only thing you're good for. Good girls only think about pleasing" she purred as she stared down into lidded eyes that held nothing but space. A heavy groan left her as she felt whines reverberating through the toy and push against her own cunt.

Just as Regina took the girl into her throat, she felt a grip on her wrist that elicited a stuttering of her hips, her eyes rolling into her skull and her jaw falling slack from its previous suction.

The grip on her jaw tightened "Who said you could stop?" the brunette taunted as she held her grasp on that wrist, prolonging the sudden orgasm.

Muffled moans fell from stretched lips as she instinctively continued to lave her tongue over the toy, eyes begging for mercy.

Janis let go of her wrist, a satisfied smirk plastered on her flushed face. "Good girl! You took that so well~" she hummed.

Regina panted around the length on her tongue, her eyes falling closed at the slight suggestion of falling deeper into trance. Her hips started up again, momentarily jumping due to the sensitivity of her cunt.

The brunette threw her head back as the girl resumed her eager sucking, the flat of the harness continuing to press against her.

She waited until the girl took her into her throat, her eyes fluttering at the fullness. "Statue" Janis hummed, tapping the girl's forehead once again and sighing contently when she completely froze.

The brunette chuckled as took a hold of the girl's hair and started pushing into her esophagus mercilessly, her breath hitching as she forced past the blonde's gag reflex. She stared down at the frozen girl in awe as she was literally transformed into a manipulatable subject to be used.

"Good girl" Janis groaned as she gave her a couple of deeper thrusts as to feel that friction against her aching cunt. "Such a good, pliable puppy" the soft laugh turning into a breathless moan.

A new wave of arousal shot through her as she caught sight of Regina's teary eyes, the trigger having had disabled her from blinking. Reluctantly she tapped the girl's head again, muttering a release before giving the girl some control over her own head.

An agonised cry left the blonde as she felt a grip on her wrist once more. Her thighs grasped at the shin between them. The soft touch of the brunette wiping the tears from her cheek made her realise just how sensitive her skin had become.

"Oh is it too much, puppy?" Janis mocked, feigned care in her voice as she let go of the shaking wrist. She couldn't help but admire how the girl trembled beneath her assault just like she was meant to.

The brunette guided Regina's lips away from the toy to allow her to fill her lungs and clear her uncomfortably empty throat. The blonde looked up at her with dead, watering eyes that begged to be consumed by the other girl's essence, to have someone make a decisions for her.

"Go ahead, baby" Janis whispered as she felt the girl's hips regain its effort in rutting against her leg. Regina wrapped her arms around the girl's thigh to brace herself before her hips took control over her being.

Her lips fell open in a pant, causing a steady stream of drool to pour out of her vacant mouth. A quiet growl left the brunette as the thin liquid made contact with her thigh, watching as a needy tongue pushed out more of what was left of the blonde's brain.

"That's it~ my undignified girl" she purred as she aided the humping girl by flexing her leg against her core. Janis knew that Regina would have scoffed at the comment if her mind wasn't currently leaking out of her holes.

The whines in the blonde's throat increased in pitch which was Janis's cue to press her forehead one last time and utter "In heat: 10", causing the girl to instantly tumble over the edge of another wrecking orgasm. Unintelligible pained sounds fell from drooling lips as her head collapsed in exhaustion, hips stuttering reluctantly.

"Such a good girl" Janis hummed, stroking the blonde's flushed face.