#someone let me know now if this was in character for janis

[pezberrywhoreee]

'Controlled'

pairing: dom!janis imi'ike x sub!regina george

words: 2,685

content warning: harddom!janis, puppyslutsub!regina, bdsm, d/s dynamic, hypno kink, puppy play, forced puppyfication, cnc, strap, humiliation, corruption, oral fixation, orgasm torture, overstimulation, frottage and grinding, spitplay (drool)

summary: she doesn't know what's good for her, but she'll learn

a/n: any tist's or people that do hypno (whether erotic or not), i want to make it clear that it was an artistic choice to not include dialogue of each suggestion of triggers that janis gives. i thought that it would get too repetitive and it could've potentially made the reaction a little underwhelming. however, i fully understand that suggestions must be made in order for a trigger to essentially function. i don't know if im overthinking it or not but im really not out here trying to misrepresent the art that is hypnosis with my subpar knowledge :D

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that?" Janis stalked behind the taller girl, her voice eerily calm and collected by her neck.

Regina only scoffed in return, finding the girls attempt at intimidation humorous at best.

"Kneel right now" the brunette ordered, her low tone already tickling Regina's inherent need to submit to the woman. "Fucking kneel!" Janis raised her voice when the blonde gave her an unimpressed look.

They had been playfully arguing about how Regina would make a beautifully pliable puppy, to which the blonde counter argued that the brunette was crazy to think that she would ever have such little dignity, especially in front of someone who knew her to be so confident in the way she held herself.

It was when Regia kept insisting a little too seriously that Janis was "delusional" that the brunette knew it was the perfect time to start the scene.

Janis grabbed the girl's wrist and dragged her into their shared bedroom. Not one part of her was surprised when Regina didn't put up a fight. She would never admit it but she arguably preferred submission over dominance. It was very obvious but she liked to think that it wasn't.

The blonde held the fierce eye contact that the brunette threatened her with, her peripheral catching how the girl's chest heaved in rage. Regina couldn't help the way her eyebrow cocked along with the smirk that pulled at her lips, which ultimately drove Janis to quickly push the girl onto the floor by her head, forcing weight on it until her knees gave out and she dropped on the hardwood.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" the blonde exclaimed as Janis forced her arms behind her back and gave her a warning and expectant look to stay put.

"You don't know what's good for you, Regina" the brunette hummed, controlling the rage in her voice as she moved to retrieve a couple of accessories to aid what she was about to put the stubborn girl through.

After Regina collected herself from being called her name by her girlfriend, she scoffed once more at her words. "So you're going to force me to find out what is?" she challenged, cocking her head though she kept her position.

"Oh please, don't act like you don't want it!" Janis retorted as she stepped back in front of the kneeling girl.

Regina rolled her eyes because she knew that the girl was right.

Janis joined the blonde on the floor, sitting in front of her to bring her to eye level. "Deep breath" she commanded as she forced eye contact with the blonde once more. She smiled as the girl complied, seeing a bit of her reserve dissolving. "Relax your body, untense, let your knees and arms slack if they need to" the brunette tapped into the familiar soft, monotone part of her voice.

On the exhale, the blonde allowed her body to relax. Her head dropped slightly and her arms unlinked, falling by her sides. Her weight fell into her hips, pushing down into her thighs.

"Good girl, one more time~". Janis encouraged as she mirrored the action, hopefully pushing the girl to feel more comfortable. "Let those eyes fall, listen to your body", she hummed as she kept a close eye on the girl's breathing.

Regina slumped on the exhale further. Her head closer to lolling but still not fully dropped, her stomach more pushed out as her chest hallowed.

"Such a good girl. Every time I say 'good girl' you are going to feel yourself relaxing deeper into that safe, secure place. Don't resist it" the brunette continued, smiling as she saw the girls eyes starting to flutter shut and become one with her breathing.

"Now, every time I touch your forehead and say 'stop' you're going to return to your normal state. Your breathing will be normal as if you just woke up. When you hear a snap, you're going to fall two times deeper into that safe, dumb, thoughtless place. Nod if you understand". Janis hummed, pleased with how quickly the girl was falling into trance.

The blonde gave a slight nod, showing the brunette that she was actively listening.

She brought her finger up and tapped her forehead, humming the release trigger. Regina blinked her eyes open, a tired smile on her face as the brunette came into sight again. "Very good~. How was that, baby?", she asked as her hand reached to stroke at the girl's thigh.

Regina gave her a less powerful scoff. "Do you think this is actually going to work?" she got out just before the snap resonated in her head and she instantly dropped deeper into trance.

Janis let a soft laugh leave her at the irony of the moment. "I'm going to touch your forehead and you will undress unknowingly. It will feel instinctual and natural and you will not realise until I point it out. You're doing so well, baby" she suggested, her tone becoming a bit more commanding, but still recognisable to the tranced girl.

As soon as Regina felt the touch to her face, her eyes fluttered open and she took in the girl's pleased face. She reached for the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head and handing it to the girl in front of her. Janis took it with a chuckle at which Regina furrowed her brows.

The blonde pushed back on her ass to peel off the boxers that she was wearing, handing that to the girl too. Janis took a moment to acknowledge the light sheen of arousal that glazed the girls cunt. She waited for Regina to kneel again before piping up.

"Notice anything?" the brunette gestured to her body, fighting a smirk.

Regina looked down, taken aback by her naked state. "Oh fuck...I'm getting wet" she mumbled, feeling the growing throbbing at her cunt. She fought the confusing urge to let her hands fall between her thighs.

Janis let that smirk make itself known. "Well that was quick, huh?" she teased lightly.

"Shut the fuck up—" Regina just managed to retort before that snap triggered that familiar response that now become muscle memory.

The brunette took this opportunity to secure a leather collar around the girl's neck, making sure it wasn't too tight but tight enough to always be felt. She also slipped a leather harness onto her hips, fastening the buckles in the front snugly.

"When I touch your nose and say 'puppy' you are going to only think puppy thoughts. You will act like a puppy and nothing will exist besides following commands and being a good girl.". Janis hummed, feeling herself really getting into it now.

The trigger elicited a low whine in the back of Regina's throat as she came back into something akin to reality. These puppy-like sounds continued as she planted her fist against the ground and pushed her back up, now on all fours with her back arched.

She briefly shook her head, as if to rid of the hazy feeling in her body which Janis found endearing.

The blonde looked up at the shorter girl, her tongue threatening to loll out.

"Let go, puppy" Janis encouraged softly as she moved to stand back up. She hummed when the girl let her tongue hang out, little pants accompanying the act.

Regina started to barely noticeably wiggle her ass along with her panting but was encouraged by the hummed "good girl" that once again fell from the brunette's lips.

The brunette watched as the girl began to lightly shake from the amount of attention she was getting, a satisfied grin appearing on her face.

She reached for the attachable toy that connects to the harness as she spoke. "Puppy's don't think. You're too dumb to think on your own and you need someone smarter to think for you, isn't that right?" Janis hummed, her tone now mocking.

The blonde nodded, a wide smile obstructed by her tongue.

"Such a good girl-" she hummed before tapping the girls forehead again "in heat: 8". A shit eating grin appeared on the brunette's face as she attached the toy into the rings of the harness, quickly averting her attention back to the panting girl.

Regina sunk into the ground with another throaty whine, her tongue disappearing periodically to whimper. She looked up at the other girl with begging eyes, her ass pushed out.

"Please, mommy" she whined as she dropped her head, hopefully muffling the desperate plea.

The brunette tried to hide her surprise at the infrequent honourific that so beautifully rolled off the girls tongue.

"Uh uh, puppy's don't speak, you know that! Be a good girl and bark for me. In heat: 9" the brunette played around with triggers, laughing sadistically when the girl quietly barked as her face was tapped.

Janis marveled at the panting girl, in love with how deep in her mind she already was. Her eyes caught how the blonde was pushing her hips into the air, cocking a brow.

"Come here, puppy!" her voice jumped up an octave as she sat down on the edge of the bed, patting her lap enticingly.

The brunette hummed contently as Regina crawled over to her without question. She was rewarded with a few a scritches behind her ear which she leaned into. Janis couldn't help but find it endearing to see the girl give into what they both knew was good for her.

"What are we going to do with this mouth?" Janis teased as she ran her fingers along Regina's lips, pushing them into her practically drooling mouth and collecting some saliva to spread on her chin.

She chuckled as the vibrating girl's eyes went between her face and the toy resting on her pelvis, her eyes intense and eager.

Janis gave her a challenging look at which the blonde took the opportunity to nuzzle against the leather decorating the girl's hips, whining while doing so.

"Oh—do you want something?" the brunette taunted as she continued to softly stroke the girl's head. Regina let her tongue loll out once more before giving a low growl in frustration.

Janis knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to not think. She needed to turn her brain off. Now there's no reality in where she would admit this but the brunette could see right through her, and besides they had excessively talked about it during negotiation.

"Is the puppy all bothered? Is she not getting what she wants?" the brunette mocked as she slipped her shin between the girl's spread legs. She gave her a gentle nod as desperate eyes looked up at her.

With a growl the blonde lowered her cunt against the girl's leg, her eyes fluttering and another whine resounding in her throat. "You better put that mouth to use, baby" she purred as she took hold of both the girl's head and the toy, running the tip along waiting lips.

Janis bit her lip as the girl stuck her tongue out and took the silicon tip into her mouth, her hips starting a rather quick rhythm as she rubbed against the brunette. Her eyes squeezed shut at the heightened sensations that were powering her body.

The blonde started to feel thoughts fading away, her mind slowly becoming empty. This only increased her already debilitating arousal.

The shorter girl's hand found a comfortable grip on the girl's jaw, lightly forcing her to take the strap deeper into her mouth. She wanted to show her that filling her holes could potentially make up for being blank otherwise.

"All it took was a little coercion and mocking to get you right where you belong. To get you doing the only thing you're good for. Good girls only think about pleasing" she purred as she stared down into lidded eyes that held nothing but space. A heavy groan left her as she felt whines reverberating through the toy and push against her own cunt.

Just as Regina took the girl into her throat, she felt a grip on her wrist that elicited a stuttering of her hips, her eyes rolling into her skull and her jaw falling slack from its previous suction.

The grip on her jaw tightened "Who said you could stop?" the brunette taunted as she held her grasp on that wrist, prolonging the sudden orgasm.

Muffled moans fell from stretched lips as she instinctively continued to lave her tongue over the toy, eyes begging for mercy.

Janis let go of her wrist, a satisfied smirk plastered on her flushed face. "Good girl! You took that so well~" she hummed.

Regina panted around the length on her tongue, her eyes falling closed at the slight suggestion of falling deeper into trance. Her hips started up again, momentarily jumping due to the sensitivity of her cunt.

The brunette threw her head back as the girl resumed her eager sucking, the flat of the harness continuing to press against her.

She waited until the girl took her into her throat, her eyes fluttering at the fullness. "Statue" Janis hummed, tapping the girl's forehead once again and sighing contently when she completely froze.

The brunette chuckled as took a hold of the girl's hair and started pushing into her esophagus mercilessly, her breath hitching as she forced past the blonde's gag reflex. She stared down at the frozen girl in awe as she was literally transformed into a manipulatable subject to be used.

"Good girl" Janis groaned as she gave her a couple of deeper thrusts as to feel that friction against her aching cunt. "Such a good, pliable puppy" the soft laugh turning into a breathless moan.

A new wave of arousal shot through her as she caught sight of Regina's teary eyes, the trigger having had disabled her from blinking. Reluctantly she tapped the girl's head again, muttering a release before giving the girl some control over her own head.

An agonised cry left the blonde as she felt a grip on her wrist once more. Her thighs grasped at the shin between them. The soft touch of the brunette wiping the tears from her cheek made her realise just how sensitive her skin had become.

"Oh is it too much, puppy?" Janis mocked, feigned care in her voice as she let go of the shaking wrist. She couldn't help but admire how the girl trembled beneath her assault just like she was meant to.

The brunette guided Regina's lips away from the toy to allow her to fill her lungs and clear her uncomfortably empty throat. The blonde looked up at her with dead, watering eyes that begged to be consumed by the other girl's essence, to have someone make a decisions for her.

"Go ahead, baby" Janis whispered as she felt the girl's hips regain its effort in rutting against her leg. Regina wrapped her arms around the girl's thigh to brace herself before her hips took control over her being.

Her lips fell open in a pant, causing a steady stream of drool to pour out of her vacant mouth. A quiet growl left the brunette as the thin liquid made contact with her thigh, watching as a needy tongue pushed out more of what was left of the blonde's brain.

"That's it~ my undignified girl" she purred as she aided the humping girl by flexing her leg against her core. Janis knew that Regina would have scoffed at the comment if her mind wasn't currently leaking out of her holes.

The whines in the blonde's throat increased in pitch which was Janis's cue to press her forehead one last time and utter "In heat: 10", causing the girl to instantly tumble over the edge of another wrecking orgasm. Unintelligible pained sounds fell from drooling lips as her head collapsed in exhaustion, hips stuttering reluctantly.

"Such a good girl" Janis hummed, stroking the blonde's flushed face.

[acetone4veins]

Quotes + Mean Girls

associating angsty quotes (and some fluffy ones) to mean girls characters and dynamics, this is definitely longer than it should be and will probably be part 1 of many but anyways. lmk which were your favorites and which ones ruined you :) also shoutout to the cautionary tale discord who saw some of these already and ramble about these characters with me <3

posting under the cut so i don't clog anyone's feeds

Regina

"what a terrible thing to wound someone you really care for - and to do it so unconsciously."

Haruki Murakami

"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"

Charles Bukowski

"i am changing. i am trying to be better. it is slow; it is rough; it is repetitive, but i swear i am."

Abdulsamad S. M.

"i did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. i did not like to be touched because i craved it too much. i wanted to be held very tight so i would not break."

Marya Hornbacher

"i was not a loveable child, and i'd grown into a deeply unlovable adult. draw a picture of my soul, and it'd be a scribble with fangs."

Gillian Flynn

"if only my heart were as cold as i pretend it is, maybe i could get over this."

Jessica Katoff

"i wasn't beautiful anymore. now i looked like what i was, a raw wound."

Janet Fitch

"i'm restless and harsh and despairing. although i do have love inside me. i just don't know how to use love. sometimes it tears at my flesh, like barbs."

Clarice Lispector

"i did not mean to be cruel. i swear i am good, i am good, i am kind. i have love inside me. some place far far away."

unknown

Cady

"how much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before its some kind of murder?"

Richard Siken

"your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."

Dyodor Dosteovsky

"what and how much had i lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what i myself wished to do?"

Ralph Ellison

"my god, my god, whose performance am i watching? how many people am i? who am i? what is this space between myself and myself?"

Fernando Pessoa

"it was good for a while, being empty. i didn't hurt anymore. but as time went on, it was like i could hear myself from far away, begging for permission to come back."

Myra McEntire

"is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?"

Friedrich Nietzsche

"who's the real you? the person who did something awful, or the one who's horrified by the awful thing you did? is one part of you allowed to forgive the other?"

Rebecca Stead

"you're a mess of good intentions gone wrong. you strike a match on yourself to keep others warm, and now the whole goddamn world's on fire. you try to put it out, and you try so hard. the dam breaks, and the waters of your sorrow pour free. you are sorry; so very, very sorrow - and you will drown everyone to prove it."

unknown

Janis

"there are times when i am convinced i am unfit for any human relationship."

Franz Kafka

"i am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and i thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary'. it's dark and tormented - the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you cannot attain."

Catherine Breillat

"but whatever came, she had resolved never again to belong to another than herself."

Kate Chopin

"there were two reasons i was scared to let people in; the damage they could do, and the damage they could find."

Chris McGeown

"perhaps its good for one to suffer. can an artist do anything if he's happy? would he ever want to do anything? what is art, after all, but a protest against the horrible inclemency of life?"

Aldous Huxley

Gretchen

"i want so obviously, so desperately to be loved, and to be capable of love."

Sylvia Plath

"she wanted to say 'don't leave me', but she couldn't do it, not again. she was so tired of begging people to love her."

Kristin Hannah

"he is charmingly telling me how much he does not love me...and i, - listening to him carefully, - am approving it."

Marina Tsvetaeva

"she's gonna forever say 'i got this' even with tears in her eyes."

unknown

"still there is this terrible desire to be loved. still, there is this horror at being left behind."

Michael Cunningham

"can you understand me? someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little?"

Sylvia Plath

"i am trying to make myself digestible. i am trying to make myself easy to love."

I.B. Vyache

"do you think it is possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?"

Tyler Knott Gregson

Karen

"the sensitive suffer more; but they love more, and dream more."

Augusto Cury

"a lot of people tell me i'm a bit dreamy. but i like the idea of that. of being somewhere else."

Alam

"you cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. this is your tragedy, because you understand them but they do not understand you."

Daniel Saint

Regina and Janis

"the bear loved the deer, it was obvious. it ripped the deer's throat out, and then licked the dying deer with the most passionate affection. i thought of you and me."

David Cronenberg

"can you hate someone for what they have done, but still love them for whom they had been?"

Jodi Picoult

"love isn't soft, like those poets say. love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close."

Stephen King

"i love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

Pablo Neruda

"they will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if i love you and i will say no but the needle will jump and sputter exactly how you laugh."

unknown

"there's a sickening feeling of familiarity, when the wrong person knows you too well and you know them too well. and they weren't always the wrong person."

unknown

"we don't mean to hurt each other, but we do. and perhaps no matter how right we are for each other, we'll always be a little wrong."

Beau Taplin

Regina and Cady

"i am intense darkness and you are a golden sunrise."

Arijit Singh and Pritam

"even before you touched me, i belonged to you; all you had to do was look at me."

unknown

"whether you come as a lover or an executioner, i am ready to receive you."

Agustin Gomez-Arcos

"for the longest time, i saw myself as a bad person. you don't know how much it meant to me when you looked at me and could see the good."

unknown

"but i have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and i choose both."

Sarah Kay

"i promised myself i would never fall in love with you. but it was 4 am, and we were laughing way too hard, and i felt happy for the first time in a long time, and i knew i was screwed."

unknown

Gretchen and Karen

"i would rather be with you - even the you that you seem to think is diminished - than with anyone else in the world."

Jojo Moyes

"it hurts, he realizes, to love someone who can't love themselves. like watching a work of art set itself on fire."

unknown

"how amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head."

Nina LaCour

"come love, make me better than i was. come teach me a kinder way to say my own name."

Andrea Gibson

"i wanted you to see a mess and still find me worthy of love, to tell me that you could still love me anyway."

Georges Bataille

"sometimes, love is as simple as watching the moon and sometimes its as difficult as counting the stars. but i love doing both for you."

unknown

Janis and Damian

"you may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. some you'll discover you should put behind you. others are worth every risk."

Adam Silvera

Regina and Gretchen

"but i am very homesick for arms that have never held me."

unknown

"i burned so long so quiet you must have wondered if i loved you back. i did, i did, i do."

Annelyse Gelman

"so i wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. till then my windows ache."

Pablo Neruda

"how do you tell someone that the reason you're sad is because you love them?"

unknown

[babiebom]

Stardew Bachelor/ette’s as Mean Girls (2024) characters

A/N: i recently watched the new mean girls musical movie and it wasn’t as bad as people were saying it was. Like the singing and the songs were good, the cast fit their characters(except for Aaron’s actor sorry I feel like they could’ve gotten someone hotter but I do understand where Cady was coming from like he’s cute enough that if you’re in high school and in the same class as him at least one person would have a crush on him.) so like I do with everything I consume let’s stardew-ify it!!

Tw:mentions of bullying, cursing, sex, drugs, lmk if there’s something I missed!!

Bc: at least 4 for each

Stardew Valley Masterlist

Shane

Principal Duvall

Is tired of this shit

And teenage girls lowkey frighten him

Would yell and get everyone’s attention in the hallway bc I think he has the lungs

Would leave it to Leah to take over the assembly lmao

“Tell everyone you’re not a drug pusher PLEASE”

Elliott

Damian

While Elliott and Abigail aren’t really friends

He has the flamboyancy I feel to fit this character

Also it’s canon that all characters are bi so it’s okay for him to be in this role

Would probably have all the tea and would be as dramatic as Damian

“She doesn’t even go here?????”

He just seems bestie type

Alex

Aaron Samuels(is that his last name?)

I think this is as obvious as who Regina is.

I don’t think he’s as smart as Aaron is, BUT is popular enough to make Haley want to have some claim over him.

And is cute enough that new girls will immediately have a crush on him

Would actually be crushed if he got cheated on

Harvey

Kevin

The guy on the mathlete team or whatever it was called

Mostly because he’s smart and I do think he would’ve been in some nerdy ass club as a kid

Also at high school college point I do think he would’ve gone through a slightly edgy phase of being a nerd that talks about getting bitches all the time

Would want Maru on the team

Leah

Ms.Norbury

Because I think it’s funny

Like out of all of them Leah would be the one to be called a drug pusher

Like I personally think she smokes weed or eats like weed salads or something

And personally I think she’s above all of the drama of mean girls

Would gather everyone and be like WTF is wrong with y’all we are better than this.

Emily

Karen

Now don’t get me wrong Emily isn’t as dumb as Karen at all

BUT they both have this daydream-y airheadedness about them

And I don’t mean airhead as in stupid either, just more….in outer space than other people if you know what I mean

Like always in their own head

Don’t care about what others think to an extent

If you think about it she fits kinda

Somehow finds herself in the drama even though she’s just been daydreaming this entire time

Maru

Cady Herron

Listen I don’t think Maru would have the balls to do what Cady did

But they both are insanely smart and I can see Maru falling in love with any boy in her class that gives her attention

Would tell someone they aren’t as smart as they thought they were while drunk

She is in calculust yall

Penny

Gretchen Wieners

In the movie Gretchen is very insecure and just wants to be the best friend she can be even if it’s by helping Regina bully others

And at some point turns on Regina because she’s had enough

And is quiet enough to be overlooked as the pretty friend of the popular one

Meek and accepting like Gretchen is

Literally just wants to fit in

Abigail

Janis

I went between her and Leah for this but I think Abigail fits this role more

I think it’s more about style Janis always has a punk rock look about her and Abigail is emo/goth/punk

And while she isn’t autistic I think she is more likely to be called a pyro-Les than Leah is.

Abigail is just the right amount of unhinged to be Janis

Haley

Regina George

Come on this was the most obvious thing about this list

Like actually blonde, gives off bully vibes

Would take over a school and is probably rich.

Would be an absolute bitch and be mean to people then throw a fit when it turns around on her.

Tell me who “world burn” and “introducing the plastics” fits more. I’ll wait.

Unfortunately there aren’t enough characters so Seb and Sam don’t get anyone to themselves but I think both have the energy to fit both Aaron and Damian. Like both are total cuties that anyone would have a crush on even though seb is intimidating and introverted. And both I feel like would have the sass and bestie vibes of Damian so both could be both oof

[amaru2020]

Color theory in Mean Girls 2024 (and 2004) and why it matters (long post ahead)

So, like a lot of us, I've seen and fallen down the Mean Girls rabbit hole, and say about the outfits what you will, the costume designs actually did a great job displaying symbolism in characters like Regina and Cady through color alone, let me explain

Random Disclaimer: I'm aware that a lot of what I'm about to talk about was utilized in the original, I'm mostly pulling pictures from the newest version since it's the main focus of this post. There will be mentions of the original, but the newest iteration is my main focus today ^^

Let's start with the film's use of Black

Now, we know in Regina's first appearance in the original, she's first seen wearing pink like the rest of the plastics and doesn't wear black until much later in the film (which I will get to don't worry lol) but what's different with this newest version and what I find interesting, is the decision for Regina's introductory outfit to be entirely black.

now you could be saying, "But Amaru, black is sexy, seductive, of course she'd be wearing it." And you're right! But, black also has some different meanings outside of that, which is power.

The first time Regina walks in, time stops. Everyone's eyes are on her, Cady is in awe, and to sum up the musical number, Regina has complete control over everyone. It's seen again when she sits amongst Karen and Gretchen,, but Regina stands out as the only one wearing such a bold black outfit, signifying her control over the two of them. And not to mention the second she gains even more control over the school by creating an entirely new fashion trend, she's wearing an entirely black dress

Now let's talk about the color, Blue and how it ties in with Black

So, when Regina falls from grace and is shunned from the plastics, notice that it's the first time she wears blue. Blue has about a dozen or more different meanings, but the one I'm gonna focus on now is that Blue can be seen as both a conservative and depressed color

Everyone's eyes are on her in this shot, but this time for a completely different reason than in the beginning, and because we brought up how blue can be conservative, we could read this as Regina not only being upset but not wanting to be perceived.

Let's circle back around to Black and why it's important with Cady

The first time she wears black is when she takes over Regina's role within the plastics and makes the final decision on whether or not Regina can sit with the group. Yes, she's wearing blue, which we will also get to, but also wears a black skirt. It's the color palette she wears for the entire second act.

When she's seen wearing all black, it's at her house party while having reign over the plastics and taking the title of the most popular girl in school. It's also when Aaron calls her a clone of Regina, and Janis confronts her about lying. There she has the realization that she has indeed become Regina.

Remember what we talked about with Regina with Blue? Well, let's apply that same logic to Cady.

During a rewatch I noticed how that during "World Burn" and the scenes that follow, Cady is shot from the waist up, only showing the blue part of her outfit, whenever someone brings up the book, or she thinks Janis and Damian are onto her, or even when they ignore her in the gym, you can only see the blue. (Yes, you could argue the angle was used in other shots, but this felt more deliberate, especially with how much the blue stood out against the otherwise dark color palette of other students and the background) Which from before we established as conservative. meaning that not only does she not want to be perceived by Regina, but as the one who wrote in the Burn Book in the first place.

Okay, let's go back to Regina one more time, and talk about her more prominent black outfit, during "World Burn" and when she releases the book for the school to see and causes a riot. (This is also being applied to the original as well)

Since we've established black is a symbol of power, we can see as more chaos descends on the school (as also seen in the original) Regina is placed in the middle of the crowd, all in black. It shows how she has control over people once again through manipulation. Therefore, showing that she's back on top.

And that's it, everybody! Thank you for coming to my TED talk

Sincerely,

someone who has thought about this waaaaay too much after doing extensive color research for a presentation and does a lot of character design

[blankvort]

you've probably answered something like this but favourite songs from the stage show and i want details, GO‼️

pezberrywhoreee i cannot even begin to describe the dearth of times i have answered anything related to mean girls and the amount of times i have internally cried and screamed wanting to interrupt a conversation to talk about mean girls. i say that god is dead but you are doing his work right here. putting this under a read more because you said details and this became a study of why every song in the stage show is better than opioids and thin mints combined <333 no articulacy here just 8000+ words of vibes and ranting

first of all if cady sings a single line i am violently shoving every note of the song into a mental folder called faves in such eldritch fonts that my brain computer is halfway to summoning cthulhu whenever it loads the soundtrack. she is described as the heart of the story on the backstage casting call page for a reason and that reason is her absolutely incredible range as she struts from the plucky guitar gyrations and membranophone-focused percussion of it roars into the candid, confiding, crescendoing (and other c words you can probably guess based on the verbiage i use in dms) keys of stupid with love and then climb the vocal volcano that is apex predator and akfjskhfidbdihgshejfhiajw i love her and i love her songs and i need to shut up now i’m sorry

second (but not really because i’m still going on and on about cady i’m sorry) i’m upset abt most other productions burying cady’s fourth-wall breaks and kind of making the segue into revenge party less. i don’t know riled up?? because 1) where did my girl janis’s influence go it is so much more impactful when cady’s main reason for going along with the revenge plot and pushing it further is hearing about janis being outed from janis herself! when her main motivator becomes aaron, who she likes super superficially by the time more is better rolls around, you think wow! what a bitch! for even longer! like you don’t even have to cut the “your hair looks sexy pushed back”/”are his eyes gray or green” conversation that prods her into sending gretchen over the edge this isn’t a time issue 2) where did cady’s brain go bring me a whole box of profound regret and impulsive decisions let the people in the back hear the hows and whys of her descent into plastichood and moreover i would like her to sing more and most of all i love it when characters break the fourth wall. by that i mean i want the “sounds kind of bad right to spy on someone but they’re the first friends i’ve had and i don’t want to have none” things back because the narrative nudity and the way it follows the melody of the verses in fearless is a+++

now. my legitimate favorite songs from the stage show in chronological order

a cautionary tale: the repartee the art freaks have is elite and so are their riffs. The lyrics are 3am notes app poetry lines and that’s an amazing thing for mean girls. It’s not the typical broadway opening number but it’s rough and brash and brilliant. To me the cast of mean girls strikes the perfect balance between caricature and lived-in character and the insouciance of this song towards seriousness reflects that wonderfully. Janis assuming the worst of everyone by saying that the temptation to be popular and hot is far too great and saying that you can’t buy integrity at the mall is some nice, if blatant, foreshadowing regarding cady losing her integrity as she gets caught up in the perilous biome of shopping centers with such dangerous patrons as build-dat-bear. The last line of the chorus abruptly changing the amount of beats in the measure adds an extra kick layout fosse quality that i love too. The ending is the apotheosis of mezzo-soprano/tenor harmonization. Need both janis and damian to step on me but for different reasons. No i will not elaborate

it roars: i have a soft spot for wild life but it roars is superior in every way to me because it introduces cady, the show’s sense of humor, the cast’s incredible skill when it comes to singing and dancing (seriously i had never seen an ensemble that made me want to be ensemble before mean girls), and the perfect transition from a cautionary tale will always get me hyped. i have many thoughts about the many changes the mg script and score have gone through throughout the years but oh my god my jaw dropped at the breathtaking belting of “i have danced with the maasai, i have climbed kilimanjaro” when i first heard it mashed up with it roars and the callback the verse gets in fearless 2.0(?) totally dislocated it. Also i know that it’s a pairing so unpopular it’s basically nonexistent but hear me out when i say that it roars is just a more optimistic, afrobeat inspired version of what’s wrong with me. Cady never seems to think that it’s the student body that needs to change, she thinks she needs to fight and win to belong just as gretchen thinks she needs to serve the most powerful person in school to be deserving of… idk anything?? Of course you cannot trust me on this because i will ship cady with anyone if you give me the chance. Writing cady/the marymount girl fanfic as we speak

it roars is the first indicator that musical cady is pretty different from movie cady in that she earnestly wants to go to the us, wants to have more/better friends, wants to try high school and skateboards and rapping and starbucks venti chai. which makes sense because you know you gotta have that sick i want song so characters feel less tossed about and more thrusting into. there’s a better way to word that but i don’t have the skull size to summon a less immature dictionary right now. a curious thing about it roars, though, is that kenya, being a country and all, has high school and skateboards and rapping. no starbucks because apparently rwanda was an easier location to settle into but that’s a good thing actually nobody should support starbucks. either way you can really see that cady’s been sheltered from the realities of any society past the stone age and idolizes this incredibly abstract view of friends and people. she’s equal parts desperate and determined, artless and acute. it’s ironic, i feel that at first her speech patterns (lions and birds and stuff) seem at odds with her sub-saharan surroundings as though she’s already trying to integrate herself with this slangy teenage culture she knows nothing about and then when she finally finds herself in slangy teenage culture she compares everything to the survival-based rules of the savannah. i know this is probably for streamlining purposes but it’s also so interesting to me that her immediate reaction to her parents’ funding being cut is wow adventure wow possibilities. she knows that everybody wants connection but she doesn’t yet know why connection has to be culled by all these arbitrary rules like fashion or acting cool. like i don’t remember where i read this but some novel said that the only thing worse than being smart is being smart and sensitive because then neither the logical nor emotional explanations for any event can make sense. i swear i will find that book someday to take a photo but today i am bedridden because i walked the five or so inches from home to the grocery store

back to it roars. i hate the grammar in the line “none of my closest friends even has hands” but i love everything else about the song. the beat is so bouncy and the ostinati of the wind and brass sections are top tier. the comedic beats are underscored by cutting the music and then the vocals come back in soaring alongside the strongest bass since george perry and i could die happy if hospitals changed the flatline noise to any cady singing “so exhilarating”.

two paragraphs and we’re still going strong dead god help me. personally i feel like the best delivery of the ensemble lines have to be as obnoxious and deafening as humanly possible but i get people who feel differently. it’s just really great to me when cady is polite and confused and very presumptuous and sonja aquino’s actively going through act two of the exorcist in real time. i think that’s why danielle wade is my cady of choice too. love it when autism: the song is put through the epiglottic funnel of anxiety. also i’m wiping tears right now about the fact cady refers to phones as little screens in her first act one song and in the act two opener she’s glued to her phone because she wants attention so badly and still doesn’t feel like she has enough even though she talks about how america and the plastics are so much more than what she’s used to. Also very interesting that cady views inclusion as a game that needs to be won (and eventually comes to view baleful adoration as winning) even though she later exhibits a sort of survival of the fittest mentality that shows up as early as her mention of baboons attacking those that go near their pack. Fun fact i think her takeover of the plastics mirrors dispersal in male baboons wherein mature male baboons leave the pack they were born into to find another troop to temporarily stay in and usually if they end up replacing the alpha male of that non-natal troop they commit infanticide because then he can reproduce with the alpha male’s old mate/s. That’s not super fun but it is a fact to me. but i’ll talk about the strange views musical cady heron seems to hold about winning more in my do this thing essay which i am definitely going to write despite my best efforts to make this post under five thousand words

gonna slide the it roars reprise in here too because it’s not on the soundtrack but it still makes me feel things. “i’m sixteen just like everyone here but not like everyone here” and what if i said mean girls is the best dissection of the torturous dichotomy between being desperate to belong and being desperate to be unique. There’s a thing called theatrical exaggeration but for mental health purposes i choose to believe that north shore class of x immediately clocked cady as a weirdo utterly undeserving of trust or respect when they saw her wear socks and sandals. I know i just complained about people calling every iteration of cady boring but i feel like i haven’t seen actual hate for musical cady (at least not as much slander as i’ve seen sent to og movie and especially movie musical cady) because you can better bear witness to her most vulnerable moments when she’s singing directly at you instead of saying things in a soundproof recording studio. She’s not quitting she’s regrouping! Which is a fascinating choice of words to me because regrouping in math is basically carrying over values because they’re too much. She gets sucked into this idea that more is better even though she has to compartmentalize the information she’s learned from hostile classmates and teachers and draw connections to her experience with animals because more is not better without proper management. Also this bitch is gonna get e coli if the janitors don’t care enough to clean the slut-shaming graffiti on the wall they are not wiping down those cubicle doors

where do you belong: i love gay people. “so what if all the ducklings think you’re ugly it’s because they’ve never seen a swan” is ted talk worthy material. never getting over the fact that damian knew this girl for all of maybe one introductory french class’s worth of interaction, accused her of doing drugs, and then built her confidence back up from the seventh circle of hell. the “your mother called you baby girl?” “singing!” exchange is peak best friend banter and showcases the art freaks’ dynamic of frank, funny jerk with a tarnished heart of gold and budding broadway babe with a shocking amount of wisdom obscured by hilarity and hypocrisy. the debate team rejected damian because he was too fabulous to be deigned to one oregon-oxford role i’ve decided. i love unreliable narrators and damian shooing cady away from the mathletes as soon as she shows the barest interest in them is an entertaining way of showing that nobody in this story is free from social norms. the lunch tray percussion is something all marching bands should adopt and so are the lighting cues. janis’s reactions to damian killing his dance breaks are the best. rachel hamilton is my fave ensemble student i don’t care if she gets maybe two or three lines total.  she was giving bombastic side eyes before anyone knew the word bombastic. i desperately need to know if she knew what cady was actually saying or if she thought cady was just a lion king stan asking to be canceled. damian painting everyone but his two-person clique as problematic is also peak teenage behavior. everything at that age is just finding the lesser of two evils and figuring out whether or not you want to meet the bigger evil anyways. janis deriding “the geeks and the freaks” despite being labeled as an art freak by every mg promo is also amusing and barrett and mary-kate’s deliveries of “christian believers” could send me to heaven any day they want. the ending is so satisfying to listen to and even more satisfying to watch. also i do mean it when i say that cady was adopted by the local gays in this number. are janis and damian aware that having their own table in a school that makes juniors and seniors have lunch at the same time makes them more powerful than all the politicians of the globe combined

stupid with love: ALSKAJLDJASLDAJLLKJ. stupid with love is the best musical representation of how a crush driven by hormones and being treated with the barest sense of humor and dignity can devour a person taylor swift eat your heart out. the music really sweeps you up into this story like you’re a close friend privy to even her most embarrassing thoughts and the way her love life flashing before her eyes just shuts out whatever aaron was going to say about lebron james is the funniest thing because yeah! you can be convinced you’re totally in love with someone when you’re that age while ignoring everything that makes them a well-rounded human being! the way cady’s clearly grown up in a caring household that’s so chock full of trust that her parents can’t fathom that she’d do anything remotely dangerous while having the whole house to herself for more than one hour BUT also feels like she doesn’t “get” love is super interesting to me to like most sixteen-year-olds have the idea that their parents don’t understand them sure but has she come to the conclusion that familial love isn’t enough? that she doesn’t get enough familial love anyways? that love is unknowable? does she wholeheartedly believe that she fell in love at age five? stupid with love is a song of so many possibilities and it’s as giddy and delusional as you’d expect, every emotion heightened by cady’s new brand of eloquence. fetch may never happen but calculust absolutely should. the little snippets of dialogue in between are so endearing on both cady and aaron’s ends to the point where i can forgive ms norbury clearly not knowing how to conduct a class. who’s gonna tell cady to raise her hand before she answers. i’m kidding she can do whatever she wants, even ignore the existence of multiplication. multiplication is a bitch cady i get it

we once again see that cady is determined almost to the point of self-destruction and that she’s desperate to live a ‘normal’ life by getting together with the normalest boy of all time and the song so perfectly sets up why we should care about cady and aaron as a couple–he’s the only person thus far to not even suggest what she should think/do, encouraging her in a teasing way to be herself (ie smart) instead of telling her to be dumber so he can feel better about himself. cadaaron is the only straight ship ever argue with the wall. also the instrumental on its own is literally such a bop?? i’d drop a grand piano on myself daily if the keys could just perpetually play the song. quoth my own blog my heart belongs to every video out there of a cady opting up on the last “i learned math so i can learn love” it just fits so well thematically and makes the song even more satisfying because it makes you think yes!! summon that girlfailure swag and learn love. also this song is so next to me from twihard: a new musical coded with the pencils and/or feet providing the musical pulse. this is me very subtly begging you to listen to twihard: a new musical as put on by the esoteric ensemble productions and uploaded like a full decade ago starring danielle wade 

apex predator: i love women. i love bon jovi. i love zoology. this song was made for me tina fey told me herself. i can even forgive whoever made halls rhyme with dolls because of the regina furry confirmation. the first few chords kind of give me jaws theme vibes. it’s grinding and warning and doused in grit. you get the brightness of cady’s other songs cut with the flinty, darker strings of janis’s numbers. the heavy drum sort of sounds like a heartbeat, quickening as cady realizes the might of the pride and considers how regina’s help compares to janis’s in an almost clinical manner. shout out to erika henningsen’s “exotic pet” obviously. that line should be studied by every ivy league with a literary program because regina and cady considering the other an exotic pet instead of a real friend but still seeking each other’s approval……. maybe the narrative foils are really reflections of my tin foil hat but hear me out. it’s so interesting that they refer to regina as an apex predator because apex predators are animals without natural enemies but almost every single friend or admirer of regina’s exhibits an envious kind of awe when it comes to regina. regina’s so magnetic that you can’t be her enemy but close enough to pseudo-celebrity that you can’t exactly be her friend either. also the harmony at the end combined with the epic percussion deserves its own award. no longer does egot mean anything. One must be an egota (emmy grammy oscar tony apex predator singer) to be considered showbiz royalty

stupid with love (reprise): cady is so so smart and so so stupid. aaron getting confused at a genuine compliment not solely based on his looks is adorable but i also love it when the line delivery gets changed to be more like “wow i already know i’m cool but it’s nice to hear it from the cute possibly murderous girl who sits behind me”. same goes for cady’s “shit” right after aaron swears off dating–it’s funny as hell whether she’s smiling through the pain or so disappointed in herself she looks like she’s experiencing medical shock. her making love into a function is similarly messed up but funny as hell. i literally have a google drive folder full of audio clips of the “i just don’t get it–i’ll never get it–i just don’t get it–somehow…” part it’s so serious

sexy: this is modern feminism talking i expect to run the world in shoes i cannot walk in - the greatest mind of our generation karen smith. if the national emergency alarm was changed to the ending riff i would become an arsonist just to hear it over and over again. a youtube commenter said that she sings every line like she’s waiting to be shown the script and redo it and whenever acting and singing can waltz along in magnificence together i sob in joy even if that waltz is set to trashy pop. literally every costume shown is worthy of fashion week and then some. the sex doctor bit is beyond saturday night live. sexy rosa parks deserves the world. modern feminism is a mess but at least it built the last verse of this incredible song.

someone gets hurt: regina pretending to cry and aaron being confused again and then being manipulated into a makeout session is so so funny. so terrible but so funny. the incredible blare of noise after that first “until someone gets hurt” feels like being pushed off a cliff and into a sea of warning sirens which feels fitting. if any song from the stage show were to be played by a chamber orchestra i would want it to be someone gets hurt because everything about it is almost four seasons by vivaldi to me. as i said do not expect sensible comparisons from this review. it’s really dark and intense like all of regina’s numbers but this time her style of seduction is on full display, highlighted by some heavy timpani work and a male ensemble that’s carrying more than just regina on their backs holy cow. squidward would worship regina with how she made the bass clarinet sultry despite hitting something in the high fs during each “hurt” and holding that “go” for like five seconds. the ending is giving celine dion’s villain arc. it’s also maybe the first time the audience sees aaron through the eyes of anyone other than cady who’s so starstruck she might as well be blind and we see a guy who’s still susceptible to regina’s yknow reginaness. she guilt trips him about his potential infatuation with his body and then gets extremely touchy with him while wearing a playboy bunny costume. she asks if she was a game he wanted to play despite (maybe devoid of remorse) playing him just to get back at cady. she’s making so much shit up because peeling away too many layers of her perfection would be dangerous but so would losing aaron to cady’s actual openness. first she says “fine” to mean that she’ll be fine without aaron in the reverse psychology sense, then they say “fine” to mean that they’re both hot af, then he says “fine” to agree to get back with regina and possibly to convince himself that his interest in cady can and should be pushed aside because being with regina is better for them both. love this song. hate being unable to sing a single note of it.

revenge party: my overall fave song of the obc album, the stage show, and the movie musical. words alone cannot describe the excitement that electrocutes my nerves when i hear “now you know, caddy—” because everything from that line onwards is going to be stuck in my head for at least a week. some people can’t function until their first cup of coffee in the morning, i can’t function until my first listen of revenge party. in slight relation to that gretchen’s squawking will make me spit out any drink; such has been scientifically proven over the course of several years. i actually have a line-by-line analysis of revenge party drafted so i won’t go into detail right now because i need viewer retention but i mean it when i say art freak harmonization is the best kind.

whose house is this: if kevin g has one fan it is me. let the man rap even if half his lyrics don’t make sense. i have heard the big fun from heathers comparisons. i have heard the halloween from be more chill comparisons. all of them are so incorrect i could set several houses ablaze with the rage i feel at the very suggestion that whose house is this isn’t a masterpiece. no joke this is the first song on my workout playlist. the way nobody even cares about cady in this number is hilarious and so is kevin refusing to swear. gretchen deserves all the thank yous and so does the horns section. karen’s actions are just. Absurd as they always should be. the mario kart ass instrumentals during that “turn the freaking music up” segment make me pleasantly stressed. there are traces of jungle techno but little to no traces of cady’s signature sound and the usually lax but articulate and expressive rhyme scheme of her songs switching to frenzied verses full of immaturity and inconsideration makes me feel things that should not be felt while listening to a rave number with flatulent bass.

more is better: the only romantic duet to ever exist if you ask me. the fact that cady switches from the more sincerity-charged love to like most likely because the plastics’ philosophy is to be cool about things makes me want to bite the bars of alcatraz prisons. the way cady’s signature sound only really returns after aaron chooses to leave her because she’s become regina 2.0 without even acknowledging it is the stuff of emotionally resonant legend. as i said in my aaron review post the only thing that bothers me about this number is aaron kissing cady while she’s clearly drunk and he isn’t but cady kind of gets him back after do this thing so. yay equality. aaron’s so tired of being manipulated and told to shut up i feel so bad for him. cady’s so in denial about missing her old home in any capacity and being uncomfortable with the skin she’s tried to grow into for aaron’s sake and i feel so bad for her. the shimmering sound that comes with cady singing “stars” makes me feel better though. 11/10 would be sad again. say no to excessive air conditioning and light pollution

someone gets hurt (reprise): i like it when gays have bad breakups without even dating. what more do you want. but actually i am obsessed with the way this is blocked out because the way the chaos of cady’s house gradates into the dark street where there’s nothing but her and her crumbling friendships. the link between janis and regina is really reinforced by this song and it makes me feel insane.

world burn: the only way regina can redeem herself for wearing a black turtleneck and black pants is by slaying so hard you forget she’s just printing shit and polluting the corridors and she does it in world burn. her having a recurring set of notes to follow until she absolutely loses it is iconic. i learned so much about hernia formation through this song so i think it’s also an educational heritage site. the contrast of her 1984-esque lyrics and beats with lines like “trang pak is a grotsky byotch” is beyond hilarious but in the context of the show it makes my timbers shiver. she is both manipulated and the master manipulator. renee rapp’s opt up for the ending is golden but every regina brings their own flair and intensity to it. something that really interests me is how different actresses interpret the lines “this is what i get for helping / helping someone lame fit in” because to generalize regina either thinks she was actually helping cady or is trying to convince herself/the audience that her primary motivator was controlling cady’s every action before she got too hot to ignore or because she saw her hanging around janis and damian or because regina can’t ask a girl out like a normal person. idk it’s very fun and very satisfying to listen to and ramps up the ante for all antagonistic songs ever!

i’d rather be me: did you mean the feminist anthem of the twenty-first century? i’d rather be me is pure janis in her sort of jumpy, edgy, eleven o’clock exasperated glory tuned to this effusive fusion of pop and rock. the energy this has is soooo good because every girl in school is tired of being treated like shit because of the expectations placed on them by society and the idea that by i’d rather be me the female student body of north shore is so exhausted of the plastics’ bs that they parade janis around despite shunning her for years is amazing. most criticisms of this are abt how wordy it is or how it’s not worded right but hello janis is a teenager her inner and outer monologue is not going to be as mature as fucking grizabella the glamor cat and it can include words that anyone would study for the sats like sycophant. sycophant is not that fancy a word i learned the word sycophant from a star wars fanfiction i read when i was seven how could you not know the word sycophant at age seven squared after making a living out of reviewing shows written by wordsmiths like sondheim. sorry that was mean i’m just tired of people either going “they wouldn’t talk like that they’re teenagers” or “they shouldn’t talk like that they’re part of a theatrical production worth millions of dollars!” lmao

ok so i think that janis was losing herself just as much as cady over the course of the revenge plot taking place because okay she’s ruined regina but she’s barely changed anything about herself and if her plan had worked without hitches wtf was she going to do. was she going to keep hanging out with cady. was she going to fill the power vacuum left by the plastics herself. was she going to run regina over with a bus herself. i’d rather be me is the culmination of the crushing pillars of her revenge plot and the full realization that revenge wasn’t what she wanted–she wanted to change the way the world works, change it into a place where people can just do and be without being ostracized. to me the instrumentals and the mockery in the lyrics are almost stinging?? someone with even could describe this better than me but the strings during the instrumental section between verses remind me of a mosquito bite because they’re high and sharp and put against the heavy drums and cymbal crashes they really paint this picture of a dam of anger breaking and giving way to a new wash of awareness. 

also i cannot stand it when ppl say this song is the show giving endorsement to janis being a hypocrite there is a reason why all the lyrics are in future tense. she is wrapping her mind around the notion that there is no pleasing everyone, that there is no true gratification gained by holding grudges and letting them control your every thought, that if you don’t let yourself have the liberty of lashing out you’re only going to manifest your maliciousness in worse ways with longer-lasting effects. that being said let girls be haters

also the obc album should’ve let janis swear. every public performance of i’d rather be me should let janis swear. let her have a line with bite before her throat turns into a cavern where vowels go to melt into a singular solution

also janis’s costumes over the course of the whole show are amazing but her look in i’d rather be me goes so hard. if i had any of janis’s jackets i think i’d curl into it like a cocoon and wait until the heat death of the universe for metamorphosis into coolness

do this thing: no joke this is the second song on my workout playlist. i hate the title so much but i love also the audience reaction when ms norbury starts singing as if she didn’t just slay the what’s wrong with me reprise gets me every time. truly the actresses in the adult women track are so underappreciated and so are the adult women in general. kevin g’s unabashed doing of the thing regardless of the haters is iconic. the return of the heavy percussion is so enjoyable and so are the mathletes’ lines lining up with the steaming kettle sound somehow behind each buzzer even though i hate buzzers because in real life mathletes nobody wants to answer on beat. ms norbury best matchmaker ever i LOVED the detail of aaron being present for the mathletes’ win but cady clearly focusing on the competition above all else. i’m pretty sure the mathletes are also the only characters to drop an f-bomb in a song which is just fantastic + the gretchen/regina parallel between kevin and marwan regarding schquillz is phenomenal. “the limit does not exist” being both the answer to the question that signifies cady’s return to her old self with more self-assurance and the theme of the musical in terms of not limiting other people is a level of genius i will never reach.

i see stars: i’m sorry they gave cady a big finale where she calls everyone beautiful and bright and holds hands with the other girls she’s hurt and you expect me to not love it?? this one had to grow on me though because i was so bothered about the stars imagery coming up maybe like five songs before when we’d been following animals and math for the whole show. as we all know characters can only have one or two interests before they become completely incoherent. but now i know more about light pollution and have played the video of this song with the pride chorus more times than i’ve blinked so i get it. shane oman also breaking his crown during the escalation of the instrumentals from a very optimistic but singular combo of strings and cymbals into the violins and heavier drums and whatever else is such a good detail. i still get goosebumps with that “you stars” there is just so much emotion packed into this finale and the rest of the ensemble joining in is as effective as onions being cut directly into my eyes when it comes to crying. obviously my fave version of this is the one with cady and janis’s mini duet during the rhinestones don’t shine part but guaranteed this one will make me cry no matter what

now. for the songs that didn’t make it onto my absolute fave list they are still my children just bastard ones and i will go into detail about them too because there is no point in writing this post if it does not crash the tumblr dashboard for you

a cautionary tale (reprise): akin to its origins, the reprise of a cautionary tale kicking off act two is there to introduce the act, but unlike its first iteration, the reprise is literally just there. no jokes no nothing. would love to see it reworked into something that reminds the audience they’re north shore freshmen being told this story by janis and damian because i forget about that framing device until the dialogue break in i see stars every time lmao but other than that it’s serviceable and any song that involves art freak harmonization is a solid song

meet the plastics: maybe i don’t love women as much as i claim to. I don’t know why i don’t like this song more truly. Maybe i just need to listen to it more lmao because the lyrics are great, the tempo changing with each introduction is great, and gretch waiting until regina’s out of earshot to try and convert cady into a fetch truther is great. Maybe it’s the “humps my leg like a chihuahua” line that turned me off from it because nell benjamin i do not care that you wrote legally blonde i do not think regina george would bring up animal humping imagery considering what her mother puts her through unless she was hopped up on pain meds. All that being said i would die for the polyphony at the end and karen playing with cady’s hair near the end is so cute

what’s wrong with me: gretchen it’s not you it’s me and i like songs with a specific sort of climax and what’s wrong with me really does feel like a music box piece played by some dusty not-quite-antique you find in the attic that makes you feel a particular, peculiar strain of melancholy because it’s so cyclical and fragile. which is the point, probably! It just sounds really different from the rest of the show and i feel like the lyrics don’t quite fit the language we’ve heard gretch using so far but maybe that’s also part of the point. That being said the line “see that you see what’s wrong with me” makes me go mad because there are so many ways to interpret it. Is she telling the audience that they should be able to see what’s wrong with her? Is she saying that the audience sees something good in regina that she can’t see anymore because of her constant mistreatment? Is she once again asking what’s wrong with her or has she finally had a breakthrough about her dismal self-esteem?

fearless: oh my god a cady song and act ender that i’m not totally into sound the sirens. but really fearless without the revisitation of the it roars/wild life passage that tells the audience what makes her fearless aside from wanting to move to america (which might make her more fearless than i thought now i sound that out but still) isn’t my favorite songs despite it having some of my favorite moments like karen’s ribbon dance, gretchen’s very cool dance, cady mirroring regina’s pose on top of the cafeteria table at the start of meet the plastics at the end, the mini someone gets hurt reprise at the end, it isn’t my favorite to listen to because the lyrics are just all over the place. Cady why are you saying that she’ll go cry to mama do you think mrs george is sober enough for that. Cady why are you spouting live love laugh merchandise ass quotes. Cady why are you quoting dwayne the rock johnson “imagine stronger, better, bolder” are you going to play a lacrosse game against regina. Why does karen not wear more vests after this number

You know what made me care about fearless?? The fearless reprise. Oh my god the fearless reprise. I need to make a separate post about the fearless reprise but i can’t listen to it more than once a day or i’ll end up crying for hours on end.  

stop: is it homophobic of me to put three damian songs on this list? probably but i make up for it by filling that broadway cares bucket every time i can. and it’s not that i even really dislike stop!! I have so many thoughts about stop!! i just don’t like it when compared to the other songs that can hold up inside and outside the context of the show!! i just feel like it has to be experienced live to understand its award-losing enormity unlike where do you belong and even then it sounds noticeably different from the rest of the show + essentially pauses the narrative to talk about a whole other story that never gets resolved outside of damian being ghosted (i thought theater was supposed to provide escapism 😔) and then frays a bunch of threads out from the ensemble in a way that doesn’t feel quite as well sewn in as the worship we see during apex predator or after rockin’ around the pole because like. it’s funny sure but just the act before we saw that things can be funny while also moving the story along past attempting to hammer in the message “stop ignoring your real friends” in cady’s thickened-by-makeup head. 

also how does damian even know about her word vomit. cady barely even word vomits in the stage show. it’s all just word coughing fits of confusion and unintentional comedy under peer pressure. whenever she says something embarrassing she either gets cut off or turns it into a whole song. i’m sorry damian i love you and your stupid straw hat but we just saw the whole show we don’t need a recap of everything that happened in the last hour with almost zero internal rhymes and without the frantic pacing of ya got trouble from the music man. cmon.

onto things i love about stop tho which are a) the gaiety (and gay-ty) b) the dancing and c) the staging. i love it when gay characters just get to be silly goofy instead of singing themselves to their graves and even if damian was built off the dramatic thespian homostereotype he gives me the impression of a silly goofy teen trying to balance the interests of his best friends with his sanity through the medium he’s most comfortable in which happens to be literally show-stopping song-and-dance number. also we get cadnis content in the background and the choreo i’ve seen for how janis plays keep away with cady’s phone only gets better (which of course is a synonym for gayer. let the babies hold hands before they yell at each other in the street and see a 15-second death they’re both sort of kind of responsible for). the dancing of course is wonderful. i mean does it make sense in-story for damian to somehow be popular enough with the ladies to rally them into a giant dance break after asking them to divulge their biggest, darkest secrets like an hour after being kicked out of the girls’ bathroom and calling one of them danny devito? probably not. is it really enjoyable when you aren’t itching to get back to the main story? yes. it also makes north shore feel more authentic in a sense?? obviously there’s so much about the social hierarchy exaggerated for comedic effect but yeah public high school is that crazy one day you’ll hear that a classmate got into a drunk driving accident and the next you’ll hear that the same classmate scored an audition for the x factor. and the transition from the art classroom, which is one of my fave sets in the whole show because aghhhh i want to pause everything and analyze art whenever it comes up in a tv show or movie or video game or musical because it’s almost never just art present for the sake of filling the set! there’s a reason why the set designers put that there or downloaded that asset or whatever! based on the official yt video in stop we see a sort of cubist portrait of janis ian, a few monochrome figure studies, and some more abstract pieces and i so want to know what this number would’ve looked like in-universe. did cady legit just run out of class to confront damian and get swept into a gay tea spilling session until the end of the day. be glad you got suspended girl

so. while i cannot begin to fathom the stamina it takes for damian to go from that gorgeous dance break into the grand vocal ending—philip doesnt know what he’s missing out on for sure—stop is not something i play on purpose but if the obc album shuffles to it i won’t complain!

what’s wrong with me (reprise): is it homophobic of me to put every gretchen song sans whose house is this on this list? probably but again it’s just not something i can put on repeat/a number i think depends on the production to arouse much entertainment value. it’s fucking hilarious though i’ll give it that. like it might be in the top three of mg songs when it comes to unadulterated comedy. my heart breaks when gretchen realises she’s stuck in this cycle of servitude and is still being hurt by the people she most desires the approval of and her work is still going unappreciated and then i get a heart attack from laughing because regina’s reign of terror is so absolute even her own mother has feared her from the age of three onwards?? in addition to that what’s wrong with me reprise is why i cannot stand for mrs george hate she’s just a girl too. a toxic girl who never emotionally developed past high school but like. what do you want her to do. she has never had a heartfelt conversation with her daughter ever. also “why couldn’t it just be drugs” is so funny to me because yknow. reggie gets hit by a bus and spends the rest of the show so high she forgets her love languages are acts of slanderous service, passive-aggressive gifts, weaponized physical touch, quality time spent playing hard to get, and words of refutation. taylor louderman deserved a tony for pulling the kalteen bar scream off every night too i think it’s night queen aria levels of difficulty.

the funniest part of this song to me is probably the way it starts and ends so abruptly. usually you can tell when a song’s about to start in a musical but gretchen nearly breaking down into sobs as soon as cady turns her non-self-tanned back without missing a beat is both relatable and hysterical. my girl is clinging to les mis motifs and middle school herd mentality in a world meant for fosse tributes. the spotlight is only on her when she talks about how dim her light feels in comparison to other characters. then mrs george joins in and you get the first female/female duet to rival defying gravity since idk. everything in fun home. i take cash and credit not criticism.

but really the gretchen/mrs george connection is so interesting because they tether themselves to regina in a style that’s irreconcilable with happiness on either end and they know that but possibly for a mix of selfish and sympathetic reasons don’t want to leave in any capacity. the way they’re separated on stage by little more than a change in colored lighting is interesting too and raises the question of whether or not they’re aware that regina’s sun is burning those closest to her in general.

also. can plastic cady snap and yell at me i want to feel something

in conclusion i love you pezberrywhoreee thank you for asking this. i think i said the words “also” and “but” more times than i said the word “gay” and that’s a real hurdle to fly over. i think i expect many random things in your inbox hereafter as retribution/reward depending on how you see it

[bvlladonnas]

Is that LILY GLADSTONE ? Oh, no, that’s FREYA COBELL, a FORTY-ONE year old PREVIOUS LAWYER; CURRENT UNEMPLOYED FRIEND ON A TUESDAY who uses THEY/THEM pronouns. They currently live in CASABLANCA, and the character they identify with most is VAN PALMER FROM YELLOWJACKETS. Hopefully they find their own little paradise here in el país de los poetas!

BASICS:

full name: freya sequoia cobell  nickname(s): frey age: forty-one gender: non-binary pronouns: they/them sexuality: lesbian date & place of birth: january 24th in blackfeet nation in browning, montana  occupation: previous lawyer. currently between jobs (they are so unemployed) faceclaim: lily gladstone piercings: pierced ears traits: adaptable, laidback, flippant, particular, unyielding similar to: van palmer (yellowjackets), dean winchester (supernatural), janis ian (mean girls), ferris bueller (ferris bueller's day off)  aesthetics: clay caked under your nails, flannel jackets, baseball played with your childhood friends at dusk, big dogs that look like they have more bite than bark, and the bitter discomfort that comes with the inevitable passing of time. 

* mun is not indigenous & while i'm researching, please let me know if anything is wrong or off and i will correct it !

BULLET POINTS:

– born to a loving family on the blackfeet indian reservation in browning, montana. was never particularly wealthy but what their family did have was a lot of love and devotion, and they were always raised to know that they had the full support of their parents – this meant that they're decently well-adjusted. never really one to stress, freya's got a true 'type b' personality. – they discovered their love for art young, and had been sculpting pretty much since their fine motor skills kicked in. art of any kind attracted them, but sculpting especially – eventually decided they wanted to see the world and got a one way ticket to london for college. with their family's support (and sadness), they left the reservation for art school – met their spouse (rania <3) in college after a few flings and fell in love immediately – what was initially a fling turned into a whirlwind romance and of course freya was down Bad – as soon as they started taking the relationship seriously they knew they had to get their shit into gear because sculpting wasn't going to pay the bills – put their big thirl panties on and got into law; was wicked good at what they did, but their heart was never in it. still, they knew they didn't want to go back to the states (as much as they missed their family), so they got a job in chile instead, still wanting to see the world – unforchie law burned them out despite the fact that they were good at it and they quit, hoping to pursue their craft full time – currently is going through a bit of a rough patch with rania since quitting their job </3 they had a lot in savings and rania supported them after seeing how miserable they were, but it's ... rough. they're trying  – kind of having a midlife crisis ? in a way ? – still loves their children and their wife don't get it twisted. their family is their lifeline n main priority always

HEADCANONS:

— really chill. used to be kind of a stoner, now takes edible gummies to sleep ( i love you old people <3 ). still really go with the flow – gives fucking awesome advice – neurodivergent as hell ... chill unless their very specific ways of living are disrupted and they're like woah? – played softball as a kid – very much the yin to rania's yang – still calls with their family daily, facetimes often – has a pretty good amount of tattoos, including two for their kids – likes to birdwatch and play chess in the park – will add more here as i think :D 

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

— children they are adopting ( or ones that realize they give good advice and are like hi :p )

– does anyone want to birdwatch with them

– someone get them a job omfg please

– fellow artists!

– erm check back soon

[maybeimamuppet]

Veronica and Cady for the character thingy plss

DID I NEVER POST THIS HOLY SHIT OOPS

eeep i just found this and don’t remember when i got it i’m sorry friend!! i’m assuming this is for the list and not the bingo but if i’m wrong i’ll do it again lol

ok i have to do cady first bc it won’t let me type beneath veronica’s picture so woo i love it here soooo much /s

CADY

favorite thing about them

she has so much depth! i love how adorable she is and how bubbly and high energy and yet soft spoken and sweet she is but she also has a dark and vindictive streak in her that’s really fun to play with. also she’s like really fun to torture sometimes lol whoops

least favorite thing about them

again i hate how many people she uses for her own gain and how power hungry she gets

favorite line

“shuck! i started to say shoot and i almost said fu-” for funnies and uhhh

“fearless is the one thing i can be now, no friends, nothing to lose” and whatnot for like more emotional. also all of i see stars i still get misty every time i listen to it

brOTP

damiaaaaan. they wear matching outfits whenever they can, damian comes over to cadnis’ house for movie nights twice a week at least, they watch bootlegs together without janis bc she doesn’t like them. just. mwah. i could go off but i’ll hold back lol

OTP

TAKE A WILD GUESS DUDE

nOTP

aaron. they only worked bc of erikyle. if i could drop kick every other aaron into the road i would.

random headcanon

she can talk backwards!

unpopular opinion

there���s a point where she is fully aware of what she’s doing and how wrong it is and she actively chooses to continue for a hot second until the burn book being released and whatnot snaps her out of it that people do not talk about enough. i know i’m guilty of it too but she is not all innocent and naive and coerced into this shit like she’s a full teenager she knows damn well what she’s doing

song i associate with them

a change in me from beauty and the beast which hath inspired many a fic in my early days. at the plaza from the violet hour loosely inspired i’ll be there for christmas. like very loosely. uhhh and i think the like vibes of true love from frozen (or basically anything anna sings lol) even if it’s not necessarily the same meaning

favorite picture of them

i picked two for both her and veronica bc iiiim greedy lol

alright well one of cady’s is with ronnie for some fuckass reason thanks tumblr!!! i tried i swear

VERONICA

favorite thing about them

honestly this isn’t as much to do with her as a character as it is to do with the people who’ve played her but she has done so much for my self esteem in a really roundabout way. as someone with dark brown eyes and frizzy kinda untamable brown hair reading fic about her helped me appreciate more things about myself.

if you struggle with self image i really cannot recommend highly enough finding a character who looks and acts like you and reading stories where someone is absolutely, irrevocably in love with them. whether that’s platonically or romantically. i know it’s weird but being able to look in the mirror or at some aspect of my personality that i don’t like and say “that’s still lovable” is WONDERFUL.

least favorite thing about them

i despise the way she treats martha and also baby girl is kind of a doormat!! she’s one of those shitty wicker doormats that scratches the hell outta your feet but like dang!!

favorite line

not a line but her face in the musical when jd and kurt and ram start fighting

but also the way barrett delivers the “oH MY GOD!” over chandler’s corpse is immaculate

and i had one of her like super iconic ones everyone knows in my head but now i can’t remember it siiiigh

brOTP

marthaaaaa buddies since babies. also like. still alive and post MUCH therapy jd has a lot of fun potential

OTP

poly heathers!! but to put them individually in order, mac, chandler (those two are almost tied), duke

nOTP

JD. i know he goes by his initials and that’s just his name but i was trying to yell that. i do not like him i think he stinky get him outta there

random headcanon

she’s not allowed to wear pants with drawstrings anymore because she’s gotten stuck in them too many times. also she’s not allowed to use superglue bc she’s glued her fingers together too many times.

yes both of these are true of me shut up

unpopular opinion

she’s a lot weaker than most people think and a lot stronger than most people think st the same time

and i’m not always a huge fan of her being autistic i think she’s just that painfully awkward and dense

song i associate with them

it is so much harder than you would think to pick songs that are not from their shows?? like the only one in my head is i’m blue dabadeedabadie like i don’t KNOW OKAY

favorite picture of them

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Retro-Janeing: chapters 12 and 13

Enter Irene, my least favorite character of this whole story. I do actually think I dislike Irene even more than grandmother, and for the same reason Jane does: with Grandmother, you know where you stand. She doesn't like you and she'll make that obvious. Irene pretends to not be as poisonous as she actually is, and it's never quite established if it's deliberate artifice or if she genuinely doesn't see herself as poisonous and manipulative.

From the start, we get evocative and unpleasant verbs for Irene. She pounces on Jane. Her laughter is a gurgle. Later on she'll purr over Andrew, a verb which somehow gives me the creeps when applied to a human woman and not a cat. This is LMM in her element, using every aspect of her craft to bring us an image of a dreadful person.

Also I think if someone had tried to call me "lovey" at 11 I would have hated them instantly.

Anyway, Irene is subtly but firmly trying to make Jane feel unwanted right from the get go. This girl is 11 and you don't know her. There is literally no good reason to tell her "I told your dad not to send for you." Again, I can't quite tell if Irene is treating Jane like a grownup and expecting her to have the emotional maturity to handle this kind of thing or if she's trying to make Jane feel bad on purpose. (Also, what does she want to happen here? Does she want Jane to feel like she's a burden and ask to go home early?)

Side observation: what the hell was the Stuarts' home life like as children? "I've always been more like a mother to him" is a weird thing to say about your brother when your shared mom was alive and well at least into both of your adulthoods. Was their mother like this as well? Did she and Irene get along? This whole thing is just weird to me. Irene also has a different last name -- is she widowed? Or do she and Andrew actually have different fathers and that’s why there's such an age gap?

"One really couldn't expect a lovely little doll like her to be a cook...or a manager either for that matter and I told your father that often enough." I'm going to immediately retract something I said last chapter. Yes, Robin had her ideas about love influenced by her mother, but Robin thinks that Andrew's ideas of love are influenced by Irene. Robin thinks Irene has fully poisoned Andrew against her and that any connection between her and Jane will reflect badly on Jane. I hate Irene so much.

"I hope you'll have a good sleep, lovey. You don't know what it means to me to have you sleeping under my roof...Andrew's little girl...my only niece. And I was always so fond of your mother...but...well, I don't quite think she ever really liked me. I always felt she didn't, but I never let it make any difference between us. She didn't like to see me and your father talking much together...I always realized that. She was so much younger than your father...a mere child...it was natural for him to turn to me for advice as he'd always been used to do. He always talked things over with me first. She was a little jealous, I think...she could hardly help that, being Mrs Robert Kennedy's daughter. Never let yourself be jealous, Janie. It wrecks more lives than anything else. Here's a puff, lovey, if you're chilly in the night. A wet night in P. E. Island is apt to be cool. Good night, lovey." Again, this is not something you say to an 11 year old girl you don't know. Irene has known Jane for, what, an hour at absolute most? And look, we aren't told outright, but Jane clearly looks unwell, yeah? She's exhausted, miserable, and hasn't eaten in weeks. LMM is very big on characters' emotional states impacting their appearance, so we can infer that right now Jane probably looks awful. This is really not the time to be dumping painful family history on her, much less this kind of thing. I take back every mean thing I've ever thought about Andrew -- he is stunningly well adjusted for having Irene as a parental figure and behavioral model.

In the morning Jane continues to refuse food, and realistically at this point she should be feeling dizzy and nauseous from lack of food. Even a "Jane felt ill at the very thought of eating now," would convey the actual physical consequences of going without food for so long. And, although she of course expresses it in the worst way possible, I for once agree with Irene that Jane does need to actually eat something. Of course, Irene does it by scolding and condescending and entirely failing to read Jane's mood. I think there's actually a subtle theme going through all of Irene's appearances that she thinks she's good at reading people and seeing what they feel but actually she's dreadful at it.

But at last Andrew arrives and we are given a reprieve from Irene. And finally Jane gets a compliment that's not immediately followed by a backhanded insinuation!

He also is the first person to grant Jane any actual agency. He may have ignored it when writing the initial letter, but when actually speaking to her he takes the time to ask her what she would like to be called and how she is feeling.

(Sidenote that I just thought of: is "Jane Victoria" what they called her when she was young? I'd assumed Robin did it as a favor to her mother, but Irene also called her that and I don't feel like Irene would acknowledge grandmother at all unless she had to. Unless Irene is playing 5-D chess to try and tie Jane to her grandmother as strongly as possible? Again, I can't actually figure out what Irene wants here.)

Also I am starting to build an image of what LMM's ideal romantic lead is at this point in her life and "drives an old, unreliable car" is definitely a criterion. Is our Maud secretly into grease stains and the smell of petrol? Get this woman a guy in coveralls with a rag hanging out his back pocket stat.

[montyterrible]

Miller’s Actually-She’s-Eighteen

Pithy Letterboxd-style review (read: attempted virality): They finally made a movie adaptation of the YA-obsessed adult’s idea of what adult literature is.

You might get the impression a movie about an inappropriate student-teacher relationship that opens with the line “What is an adult?” and ends with Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen” is some kind of self-aware parody or satire. While Jade Halley Bartlett’s Miller’s Girl (2024) certainly has moments of what might generously be called “clarity” (re. subjects like writing and sexual dynamics)—more tortuously: “quasi-didactic”—it feels more or less like a straightforward, even predictable telling of this kind of story. (Or, in an era of excessive self-awareness—“He’s Right Behind Me, Isn’t He?”—maybe this is the radical approach.) I found the film’s tone fascinating, however. There are fleeting notes of horror in the visuals and soundscape, and then there’s stuff that feels artlessly moving or wistful or romantic. It strikes me as, overall, not at all the “slick” sort of movie where I should be seeing pop-ups highlighting messages from people’s cellphones, but there they are.

Similarly, the dialogue is a mix of the sort of awkward, “unrealistic,” strained, “literary” style that I personally enjoy with an occasional frankness or even crassness that borders on parody again by virtue of its extreme contrast. Here are several examples, all taken from throughout the same scene:

“I’m smokin’ now. No plans for it to define me yet.”

“It becomes a conversation about achieving emancipation from your inherited beliefs about sex and age.”

“We’re like the fuckin’ American wet dream. Young girls with ambivalent sexuality.”

“I don’t wanna drop it for some rando jock-twat whose sexual standards are mandated by the shit porn he downloads. That’s deli meat.”

“No, you’re being… Shut up.”

The highest compliment I can pay Miller’s Girl is that I did pause it early on to Google and find out if it was based on a book. I also think it’s risky to write a movie about writing and then have a bunch of characters’ writing shared in it, as the danger is that the audience won’t agree that the work is actually that great. This is obviously a matter of personal taste. As I mentioned before, I… liked it, but the writing uniformly has a tendency toward being “verbose” more than anything else, coming off like the characters are constantly deep-throating a thesaurus. It’s what a lot of people could (justifiably) call pretentious.

Obviously, there’s the question of the movie’s Content: As someone who has worked in education, I always respond negatively to bad teachers in art more or less as a matter of reflex. I recently finished re-watching season one of the 2015 comedy-horror series Scream Queens, for example, and one of the characters has a father who teaches a truly abysmal film class in certain episodes, which seems to consist of him just showing the students movies and then lecturing for a few minutes afterward. In Miller’s Girl, the issue is less how Martin Freeman’s titular Miller teaches and more about the mistakes he makes in handling Jenna Ortega’s precocious Cairo Sweet. It’s a necessary conceit of such stories that the teacher behaves in a way that lets those boundaries ultimately get crossed, but it’s hard not to watch those “slips” happen and not feel like this guy is just terrible at his job, with no sense of propriety whatsoever. Although, obviously this does happen for real. I went to school with someone who ended up crossing that line as a teacher, in fact.

The resonance I feel with stories like this one and also with the way weirdos on the internet talk about girls/women, the age of consent, fertility, birth rates, and so on is just how young people this age actually look. In contrast to the famously skeevy line from Dazed and Confused (1993), teenagers don’t “stay the same age”—I keep getting older, and they keep getting younger. I didn’t know how young I actually was at eighteen when I was eighteen. This here is meant to be a Heightened reality, where predatory teenagers who rattle around alone in their Southern Gothic houses emerge from the mist of the spooky woods to seduce you, but it’s hard for me not to see this Cairo as a flimsy phantasm, this schemer who seduces and then ruins her teacher so that she can write a really bangin’ application essay for Yale about the experience. She’s a sort of mythological figure in a Culture War, MGTOW, incel-ian mode—handled here with a certain ambivalence and enthralling grace even as the film technically panders to boring, old cishet male fears of entrapment and exploitation and degradation at the hands of wily Females.

It's another area where the film threatens to fall into parody—that and how it’s not just Cairo, but also her friend Winnie (Gideon Adlon) doing this. They’re both seducing teachers, but Winnie maybe genuinely likes hers and ends up falling out with Cairo in the end over it. The whiplash of Winnie’s transformation from short-skirted bisexual seductress to frumpy, teary-eyed defeat is also pretty comedic. Meanwhile, the mirrored pairing of Mr. Miller and his friend Boris (Bashir Salahuddin), Winnie’s target, further feeds into that sense of ridiculous excess. Boris’ ultimate rationalization of his own behavior is perhaps frustratingly brief, though intriguing for its moral ambiguity. Again, though, the fact that this is happening twice in the same school, simultaneously, with people this closely connected to one another, feels almost like unintentional comedy.

I’m sure Seth Rogen is a consummate professional, but knowing that he was a producer on this movie made me really want a commentary track from him, or to be a fly on the wall when he read the script. Like, I can just imagine his reaction to the scene where Mr. Miller is whackin’ it to Cairo’s midterm short story in what amounts to a shed. I thought it was pretty funny! I partly blame the “Peterotica” episode of Family Guy for me having this impression, however: You could just not take your shirt off while driving! You could simply not jork it to your student’s writing! That these reactions seem so… involuntary is part of what makes me laugh. Miller dramatically cranking hog does strike an ok balance between eroticism and thrills, I feel, and I don’t want to only disparage it. This is probably the stylistic—erotic and thrilling—high point of the movie. One criticism that could be levied against Miller’s Girl is that there isn’t actually enough of this sort of thing. It’s a real “Yes, and what else?” sort of deal.

Miller’s more successful writer wife, Beatrice (Dagmara Domińczyk), is a frustrating element of the story because of just how off-putting she is. She’s often demeaning toward her husband and only seems more drunk and belligerent as the story goes on. She’s meant to contrast with Cairo, obviously: The younger girl is sweet, whereas Beatrice is not. She lounges around the house in sexy sleepwear, and she’s not not into the story Cairo wrote when Miller shares it with her, which is… problematic. While Cairo is clearly antagonistic after a point and isn’t meant to represent a real option for several reasons (her age, her sort-of madness), the film doesn’t make staying with Beatrice feel like much of a viable choice either. It reminded me of a similar issue that I had with Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris (2011). The fiancée in that film is so obviously a bad match (and person) that there’s not much tension where the question of staying with her is concerned. I think if Beatrice was just a skosh less aggressively dismissive of Miller, then it would make this situation more thrilling.

The film is perhaps surprisingly slight: Not much really happens, and I think it could have afforded to go a bit bigger and darker (embrace more of the grotesque potential of the tentative gothic flourishes), though the slightness of it all might add a smidgeon of verisimilitude or else at least make it feel that bit more Literary. In that sense, Bartlett may understand something about writing that Cairo did not—the value of doing less, in more than one sense.

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

Only You

Pairing: Kevin Ryan/Reader

Characters: Reader, Kevin Ryan, Lanie Parish, Javier Esposito, Richard Castle, Kate Beckett, Original Male Character, Janie O'Malley (Only Mentioned), Roy Montgomery

Word Count: 3057

A/N: There are very little fanfictions with Kevin Ryan/Reader pairing. Therefore, I've decided to write my own. This is also my first time writing a one-shot. Happy reading! I don't own anything from the TV show "Castle" nor you. P.S. English isn't my first language, so if you see some mistakes, let me know!

"You never realize how much you love someone until you watch them loving someone else." ~Unknown~

You're putting files on your desk when you see Lanie walking to you. Your face falls. Hers twist in annoyance.

'Girl, why are you still working?' she asks. 'You should be ready to leave!'

'Leave?' Esposito asks, surprised. 'Where are you going?'

'On a date with a friend of mine,' Lanie answers. Esposito and Castle whistles. Beckett rolls her eyes. Ryan, who's walking over to your group, stops suddenly.

'It's not a date!' you protest, blushing. 'I agreed to meet him so you would stop nagging me, but it's not a date.'

'Mhm, wait until you meet him,' Lanie says, not at all intimidated. You send her a glare and start packing your things.

'Where am I supposed to meet him, anyway?' you ask. 'I keep asking you that all day.'

'Oh, he's coming here to get you,' Lanie answers. You freeze. You give her a terrified look.

'He's what now?' you ask. 'Lanie, no. Don't do this to me.'

'How else was I supposed to be sure you're actually going to show up?' Lanie asks, shrugging. Before you can say another word, the door to the elevator opens. You look up and you freeze. Your eyes go wide and your mouth almost hang open.

From the elevator a handsome stranger walks out. He's wearing a navy-blue suit with a tie of the same color. He has a dark short slightly curly hair. His eyes are blue, almost grey. He has a light stubble. And in his hands is a bouquet of flowers. His eyes fall on you and he smiles. The moment he does, you feel your knees going week and you feel you're about to melt. His smile is gorgeous!

'Luke, hi!' Lanie calls with a smile. She glances at you and smirks. The man, Luke, walks over to her.

'Lanie, hi,' he greets her and they hug. Beckett leans to you.

'Wow,' she whispers.

'Double wow,' you whisper back. Luke looks at you and you quickly straighten your posture. But then he smiles and you think you're about to swoon again.

'This is my friend I told you about,' Lanie says and turns to you. 'And this is Luke.'

'Hi,' you manage to say, offering him your hand. He takes it but instead of shaking it, he kisses it. Are you blushing? You feel your cheeks are hot.

'Hi, it's very nice to meet you,' Luke says and offers you the flowers. 'These are for you.'

'Oh. You didn't have to,' you say, embarrassed, as you take the flowers. Luke shakes his head.

'My parents taught me to always give flowers a girl you want to go on a date with,' he says. Right, now you're definitely blushing.

'Who says romance is dead?' Beckett teases and offers Luke her hand. 'Hi, I'm Kate. And these are Rick, Javier and Kevin. We're Lanie's friends.'

'Yeah, Lanie told me about you,' Luke says with a smile. 'It's good to meet you.'

He shakes hands with everyone. Ryan hesitates a moment before his turn, though.

'I promise to bring her home safe and sound,' Luke says.

'You better,' Esposito says. 'We're detectives. If something happens to her… we will know.'

Luke nods, taking the words very seriously. You hurry to gather your things, avoiding looking at your friends.

'Okay, we can go,' you say. 'See you all tomorrow.'

'Have fun,' Beckett says with a smile.

'We'll try not solving the case without you,' Castle promises.

'And remember we'll want details tomorrow,' Esposito says. You glare at him.

'I hate you,' you say. Lanie puts a hand on your back and pushes you and Luke toward the exit.

'Don't mind him, just have lots of fun,' she says.

'Bye! It was great meeting you,' Luke says, shooting a last smile at your friends.

'Bye!' they all say. Luke offers you his arm. You take it, blushing, and step into the elevator with him. A moment later you're gone.

'Damn, Lanie,' Esposito says. 'Where did you take him from?'

'Ah-ah, not telling,' Lanie says, smirking.

'Didn't he seem a bit… I don't know… too nice?' Ryan asks, frowning. Others look at him, puzzled.

'He seemed alright to me,' Esposito says.

'And he is, trust me,' Lanie promises.

'Even so… it won't hurt to check him,' Ryan says. He turns and hurries to his computer. His friends exchange a knowing look.

~*~

Next day Kate comes to work alone. Castle has some family emergency. When she exits the elevator, she sees that from her team only you are already here. You're sitting on your desk, staring at the murder board. There's a small smile on your face.

'Hey,' Beckett says, dropping her things on her desk. 'How was your… meeting?'

'I think we can call it a date,' you admit, smiling shyly. Beckett grins.

'That well, huh?' she asks.

'You have no idea,' you answer, grinning. 'He's a perfect gentleman. So nice, kind and sweet. I can't remember when was the last time I had so much fun talking with someone.'

'That's great,' Kate says. 'And did he walk you home?'

'You can say that,' you answer, looking down with a smile.

'Really?' Kate asks and chuckles. You give her a look.

'Can you blame me?' you ask. 'Kate, you saw his smile. I was melting at his smile. It didn't take much to move to other things.'

'And how was it?' Kate asks. You grin.

'Amazing,' you answer. Kate grins back, happy for you. Just then the elevator dings and the door open. Castle, Ryan and Esposito walk out and head toward you two.

'Ah, hello, ladies!' Castle greets you and looks at you. 'How was your… Can I say "date"?'

'Yes, you may and it was wonderful,' you answer happily and stand up. 'Maybe I'm not cursed after all. Be right back.'

You beam at your friends and head to the social room, a spring in your steps. Esposito chuckles.

'It's good to see her so happy,' he says.

'Yeah,' Ryan murmurs, his face grim. Without another word he walks to his desk. Castle and Esposito exchange a look.

A few minutes later you return with a hot drink in your hand. Esposito and Ryan are talking about something. Castle and Beckett are nowhere to be seen.

'- with Jenny,' you hear Ryan saying when you join your friends. You feel a nasty feeling in your stomach.

'How is Jenny?' you ask, trying to act nonchalant. Ryan shoots you a look.

'She's… good,' he answers and clears his throat. 'Very good. And how is… Luke? Did you have fun with him?'

'Yes, I did,' you answer. You and Ryan stare at each other for a moment. Then you look away awkwardly and go to your desk. Esposito stands alone and looks after you two.

'Those two are hopeless,' he murmurs and goes to his desk.

~*~

For the next weeks, you continue to go on dates with Luke. It's going great and soon you even start calling himself your boyfriend. You seem to be glowing and your friends are happy for you. Well. Except, it seems, for Ryan.

While you grow closer to Luke, you and Ryan drift apart. Every time you are having a conversation with a group, Ryan tries to leave it as soon as possible. Whenever you find yourself alone, he quickly finds an excuse to go. You try to pretend it doesn't bother you, but it hurts you a lot.

Your friends, of course, notice the change in your and Ryan's friendship. They try to mend it, but they seem to be at a loss. They have no idea how to fix it. But on the contrary to you, they know what the problem is. However, they also know they can't do anything to fix it.

One day, Castle and Beckett walk into the morgue, with glum faces. Lanie raises her eyebrows.

'I'd ask who died, but it seems inappropriate in here,' she says. Beckett sighs.

'Sorry, Lanie,' she says. 'Things are a bit… tense in the team.'

'What happened?' Lanie asks, frowning.

'Luke happened,' Castle says and gives Lanie a look. 'Why did you think it's a great idea to hook them up?'

'It was a great idea and you won't tell me she's not happier,' Lanie says, not sorry at all.

'Yeah, but now things between her and Ryan are worse and worse,' Castle says. Lanie crosses her arms, her expression stern.

'Well, it's not my fault they refused to admit their feelings and Ryan can't deal with his jealousy,' she says. 'I just helped to even out the field.'

Castle huffs. Beckett tries to suppress a smile.

'The victim?' she asks. Lanie quickly tells them all the information she has for them. They don't come back to the previous conversation.

~*~

One day you, Beckett, Ryan, Esposito and Castle go to an abandoned factory to confront your suspect. The building turns out to be a labyrinth and you have to split up. You walk for some time on your own, your gun at the ready. Until suddenly there are two possible ways in front of you. But a second later Ryan comes from one of them.

'Let's go,' Ryan says after a moment of awkward silence. You nod and you go the only possible way together. The atmosphere is tense and eerie. You don't hear any sound. You don't like it.

Finally, after yet another turn, you see a set of doors. You check them one by one with Ryan. In one room you find a large box and a board with photos of your victim. All of them crossed with a red pen.

'Seems he's our killer after all,' you say, looking closer at the photos.

'Yeah, looks like it,' Ryan agrees, checking the box. 'I found clothes with blood on it. I'm gonna guess they belong to our guy and the blood belongs to our victim.'

'Poor girl,' you say, staring at one of the photos. 'She could do so much with her life.'

Suddenly, there's a loud noise behind you. Both of you jump and turn. The door is closed. Ryan rushes to it and tries to open it.

'It won't budge,' he groans. 'They're locked. And shooting at the lock won't work. It won't open it.'

'Great,' you murmur and take out your phone. 'And guess what? There's no signal.'

Ryan curses. He starts walking around the room.

'Maybe there's another way out,' he says, checking the walls. 'And if not, we just have to wait until others find us.'

'Unless they're trapped as well,' you suggest. Ryan stops for a moment.

'Let's stay positive,' he says and resumes checking the walls. You sigh and do the same on the other side of the room.

'We can actually use this situation,' you say after a moment.

'For what?' Ryan asks. You're silent for a moment.

'Since there's no way for you to leave, you could tell me what I did wrong,' you finally say.

'What do you mean?' Ryan asks, tensing. You sigh.

'Ryan, you've been avoiding me like a fire lately,' you say and turn to him. 'We used to be so close. What happened, huh? What did I do? If I did something to offend you, I apologize, but please, just talk to me.'

You look at him pleadingly. Ryan stops but doesn't turn to face you. Silence fills the room.

'You didn't do anything,' Ryan finally says quietly. 'I… I'm an idiot, that's all. And a bad friend.'

'Care to elaborate?' you ask, raising your eyebrows. Ryan sighs and finally turns. There's sadness in his eyes.

'I want to be happy for you, I really do, because you seem to be with Luke,' he says. 'But I can't look at it.'

'Why?' you ask, frowning. Ryan chuckles dryly.

'Because it's not me you're happy with,' he answers. You stare at him, stunned.

'What do you mean by that?' you ask but Ryan looks away and is quiet. 'Ryan, what are you trying to say?'

'That I like you!' he exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. 'Okay? I like you. More than a friend. A-And seeing you happy with another guy… it hurts. I'm jealous and I know that it's pathetic. I know that I was awful to you lately because of that and I'm sorry. But I can't change how I feel. Believe me, I tried.'

You're shocked by his words. But then you feel anger filling you.

'You're a moron,' you say, clenching your fists. 'If you truly like me so much, then why have you started dating Jenny? Because you are the one who had a relationship first. And I tried to be supportive, to be glad you're happy. But it hurt. It hurt so much.'

You blink away the unwanted tears. Ryan is looking at you with a stunned expression. You gulp.

'Why do you think I wasn't going on dates before?' you ask. 'Because no one was good enough and I… I couldn't let it go. But I knew I have to. So when Lanie started nagging me about her friend, I thought that maybe it's time I… moved on. And while I enjoy spending time with Luke… I'm not happy. Not really. Because he's not the one I want to be with.'

You and Ryan stare at each other for a moment. Finally, Ryan chuckles and looks down.

'We're hopeless idiots, aren't we?' he asks. 'I'm sorry I hurt you. I thought it's a bad idea to have something with you, since we're working together. And I never thought you'd want to be with me.'

'I thought exactly the same things,' you admit quietly. Ryan looks up at you. Slowly, hesitantly, he walks to you. Soon, he' standing right in front of you.

'You're an amazing woman,' he says softly, causing you to look up at him. 'I adore your laugh and smile. When you're sad, I want to comfort you. I admire your courage and your intelligence. I…'

He chuckles. There are tears in his eyes.

'I love you,' he says. You inhale sharply.

'Kevin…' you say, stunned, and gulp after a moment. 'I hate you.'

'Okay, that hurt,' Kevin says, frowning. You shake your head.

'I don't mean it really,' you say. 'Just… I… With you I feel safe. You are… so kind, funny and you can always make me laugh when I need it. I'm not afraid to be vulnerable around you. I admire you so much. I… I love you, too.'

Kevin starts to grin. But you look at him sadly.

'And that's why I hate you,' you say and Kevin stops smiling. 'Because I can't have you. You and Jenny… you are perfect. She's everything I'm not.'

'She's not you,' Kevin says. You shake your head.

'I don't want you to break her heart,' you say. Kevin looks down.

'I think that if I continue this relationship, knowing how you feel, I'd be unfair to both of you,' he says. 'And to myself.'

You nod sadly. Kevin cups your face. You look up at him. He smiles softly.

'Can I say it again?' he asks and you nod slowly, not sure what he means. 'I love you.'

You smile. You lean slightly toward him.

'I love you, too,' you say quietly. Kevin's eyes shine with happiness. He leans toward you and before you can think whether it's right, you're kissing and it feels wonderful. Sure, kissing Luke was amazing. But this… this was right. You know Kevin is the person you're supposed to kiss. You don't care about the obstacles you have yet to face. Now all that matters is how perfect your lips match his. You forget about the world outside. All that matters is Kevin, the kiss and…

There's a loud noise that causes you and Kevin to jump away from each other with wide eyes. You look at the door and see your friends. They're surprised to find you in such positions. But soon there are smirks on their faces.

'Looks like we've rescued them too soon,' Beckett teases.

'So how long has this been going on between the two of you?' Castle asks. You and Kevin exchange a look.

'Uh… a few minutes?' you ask hesitantly. Your friends give you blank stares. Then they turn to leave.

'Should have locked them up somewhere ages ago,' Esposito says, as they exit the room. You hear Beckett and Castle agreeing with him. You and Kevin look at each other.

'They… knew, didn't they?' you ask.

'Looks like it,' Kevin says. For a moment you stare at each other, then chuckle.

'So… what now?' you ask.

'We will figure something out,' Kevin answers, shrugging, and smiles. 'Because after that kiss… I'm not letting you go. Never again.'

You grin at him and press your forehead to his. You're about to say something sweet, but Esposito's voice ruins it:

'Yo, are you two coming or are we supposed to arrest the murderer without you?!'

~*~

A few days later another case is solved. It was a quick job well done, so Castle decides it needs to be celebrated.

'Let's take it to a bar!' he proposes. 'Drinks are on me!'

'If that's how you put it,' Esposito says with a grin. 'Beckett?'

'Why not?' Beckett asks, smiling. Castle turns to coming Ryan.

'Ryan, we're going drinking,' he informs him.

'Uh, yeah, without me, I'm afraid,' Ryan says. 'Sorry, guys, I have plans.'

'What plans?' Castle asks, but Ryan is already walking away. 'Ryan, what plans?'

Ryan doesn't seem to hear him. Or ignores him. Instead, he walks to your desk, where you are gathering your things.

'Ready?' he asks you. You smile and nod. You turn to your friends and wave.

'See you tomorrow!' you call. Kevin takes your hand in his and you two head toward the elevator. Your friends stare at you, surprised. Captain Montgomery leaves his office and joins them.

'Did they finally admit their feelings?' he asks.

'They even kissed,' Castle answers. 'But… what about Jenny and Luke?'

'I think that since they're obviously going on a date, they've already solved this,' Beckett says.

'Well, then there's only one thing left to say,' Montgomery says. 'About damn time.'

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hoped you liked it. Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could. Have a lovely day/night! This fic can also be find on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45635002

[forever-will-last]

How did this amazing polycule come to be? Both in verse and in the discord if it isn't too much trouble

Sooooo in verse? I don't have an answer LOL the lovely thing about crackfic is you don't always really need an explanation for stuff like this. I have no idea how this polycule came to be but what I DO know is that the in verse characters do NOT follow canon. There was no burn book. There was no bus. Regina still got her back fucked up at one point (not entirely sure how yet, or if I'll go into the details of whatever accident she did have at all) but that's just bc I love disabled and chronically ill Regina and want to write her into some of the one shots.

When did these characters meet? Was it high school? Was it college? Who fucking knows! All I know is the EARLIEST in their four years we'll see is the fall semester of their sophomore (second, for the non Americans) year of college with occasional references to things that happened spring semester freshman year (I only mention this bc I literally reference exactly one thing from freshman year in chapter 3, not sure if itll ever pop up again) because I'm being purposefully vague about it. Maybe later on into writing in this verse I'll have more of a concrete answer but I wouldn't count on it lmfao.

As for the discord server, that I CAN give a better answer on! And this is going to be the WILDEST answer of all time so hang in there.

So we have channels for three different poly ships in our ships channel list on that server: one for Polystics (Regina/Gretchen/Karen (and sometimes Cady, depending on the person/mood/setting/etc)), one for Nightmare Blunt Rotation (Regina/Cady/Janis) and one for Dream Blunt Rotation (Cady/Gretchen/Karen). Now, Nightmare Blunt Rotation as a joke predates me joining that server, so I can't really give you much on how THAT came to be, but Dream Blunt Rotation's name was spawned as a riff on the other, obviously.

Literally just last week we were having one of our "blending sessions" where we basically just brainstorm back and forth about what a specific character or characters would do in a specific situation that can be varying degrees of angst. For example, one of these blending sessions is actually how the entirety of the first Dead!Aaron AU Fic came to be.

In this particular session we were taking a deeper dive into "what if Regina jumped in front of the bus and it wasn't an accident" essentially and I had said something along the lines of "Sui***** Regina in any partnership (take your pick from the standard and adjust their reactions accordingly) where she doesn't let on that there's anything wrong until an attempt."

I was primarily thinking of Cady, Janis, and Gretchen when I sent that, as those are the big three Regina x ___ ships in that server, but someone else said "consider Polystics where she attempts bc she thinks the other two would be better off without her" and this had me thinking. What if there was an insane polycule of Polystics + Cady + Janis...

So I asked the fateful question of "do we have a silly name for this yet like NBR and DBR?" The original suggested names were "Pile of Lesbians", "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall", "Mean Girls", and then... The brilliant Tumblr user Sexycornenthusiast busted out "The Psych Ward" and that was it. We all laughed really fucking hard and knew that had to be the insane name.

This all happened on 4/17 and then on 4/20 I got astronomically high as god intended but I really wanted to write. Now, I have a rule for myself where I don't write fic I intend to publish when I'm high or drunk bc I generally write very serious fic (I cannot imagine what hell chapter of a thousand pictures i would have put out with the level of high I was). But I still REALLY wanted to write so I was like fuck it and asked for one-shot suggestions.

Someone recommended hitting Regina with progressively weirder things throughout the day, as we have an ongoing joke about the various shit Regina gets hit by in fanfic (there's a PHENOMENAL cadina fame au another server member wrote where Regina gets hit by a golf cart and then in my main fic a thousand pictures Regina gets hit by a chair). I loved that idea but was like "wait what ship should I write this with bc I want the first thing to be her getting elbowed by her partner when she wakes up" and someone suggested psych ward and that was it. I knew what I had to do.

After I wrote that one shot i started getting more ideas for this crackfic and decided to make a one shot collection set in the same AU because fuck it. The world needs more crackfic and by God does the world need more psych ward.

(final fun fact before I end this behemoth of a post - I tagged every possible duo/trio of psych ward on the fic on AO3 because I do intend to have at least one chapter dedicated to each possible pairing or trio and there are SEVERAL tags where this is now the only fic in its tag and SEVERAL of the trio tags I had to fully type out because they straight up did not exist at all LMFAO)

[turquoisebooks]

key words: YA fantasy, belle époque inspired hotel, sisters, magical rooms, changing stairs and halls, mystery, strange things, danger, dark magic, contracts, traveling,

trigger warnings: violence & threat of violence, murder, enslavement, drugging, loss of loved ones, body horror, ornithophobia (birds)

What I loved the most about Hotel Magnifique is how colorful the story is. It is full of colors, flavors, aromas, and magic. And at the same time, it´s actually pretty dark, a bit creepy, and deadly. I love such combinations.  Overall, It´s got fantastic mysterious magic vibes.

Initially, the hotel and all the magic in this enchanting world are very much shrouded in mystery. The reader has to discover everything - that is how the hotel and magic in general works - step by step together with Jani. I loved the magic and plot. It kept me on my toes. While we get some answers along the way, thus same things start to make more sense, others just make you ask more questions, making you more curious. I really enjoyed this discovery journey… following Jani´s attempts to uncover all the secrets of the hotel, its employees (including my dear Bel), and especially its powerful maître. 

At first, the hotel seems like a paradise, a dream come true… that magical place full of extravagant things, incredibly rich guests (by the way, I am sad that we didn´t see much of them), and lavish events. It feels like everything you could ever imagine or dream of coming true. It´s simply glittering. Eventually, though, the book takes a darker turn, as Jani discovers all the rot hiding beneath the lustrous hotel walls.

Despite not falling for it myself, because I expected the darkness to flow on the surface (yeah, I am a very suspicious person), I think the author made an excellent job of trying to make the reader believe in all that glitter and gold. 

That hotel is as bizarre as it is enchanting and I am all in for that. I wish I could visit such a place as a guest, even though it´s probably not a very wise idea because there are some truly nefarious things going on. I mean… all those glass eyes, people turned into birds, missing memories, deadly contract, the danger of disappearing into some void. 

I would describe Jani as a very devoted, fierce girl which I admired about her. Anyway, sometimes she was acting a bit foolishly. From time to time, she felt a bit too stubborn for my taste, but I can appreciate that she has flaws. Good characters are always those who are not perfect. Bel got my heart. He is such a precious cinnamon roll character, yet there is a lot of passion hidden in him. Someone give the poor guy a hug. He deserves it.

I loved seeing Jani and Bel together. They worked well as a duo and I was sad to let them go at the end. I love their dynamics and appreciated how they slowly get to know each other a bit more while the sparks were flying around. I think it was a well-done slow-burn romance.

It was nicely wrapped. I loved the way it all tied down at the end, everything making sense and ending just how I imagined. To tell the truth, while I appreciate the ending I am still a little bit sad that this book seems to be a standalone. I would love to see more of these characters and their ongoing journey. I want to see more of all those wonderful places the hotel visits each day.

To summarize, I loved this magical piece of work. The hotel was very intriguing. You know, I just can´t get enough of magical buildings. Plus, I now need to read The Night Circus and Caraval because others claim that it is perfect for the fans of these two books. From what I know about them, I absolutely believe it. Yeah, this book felt truly magnifique.

Thank you Pushkin Press and Netgalley for the e-ARC.

[mviswidow]

you have terrible luck

Jane Banner x Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: language, someone was murdered and all that so blood, death, etc., anxiety

Prompt: heyyy! just wanted to say that i lOve the thérèse fic you did, absolute *chef’s kiss* 🤌🏼 i was wondering if you could do a jane banner one?where y/n assists on an investigation but jane and y/n have this rivalry but also sexual tension and like the reader asks jane out a few times, and in the end jane accepts. sUm like that ya know, if you don’t mind. wind river is one of my fav films and jane is just bae

A/N: ur so sweet omg, i’m glad you liked the thérèse fic, i honestly thought no one would end up seeing it bc there’s so little thérèse content on tumblr. i hope you like this one and tyg for sending me requests for other lizzie characters :)) i love writing for them <3 i got SUPER carried away w this one.. oops? i had half the mind to make this angsty at the end but i decided against it.

“Janieee,” You called, seeing the blonde not too far away.

She turned around and rolled her eyes with a smile, “I told you not to call me that.”

You shrugged and gave her a hug to greet her, “I can’t always listen to everything you say.”

Jane chuckled at that and crossed her arms, “Didn’t think it could take you any longer to get here.”

“Well I wasn’t exactly in the state, so,” You said, squeezing your hands together as the wind picked up and you got cold, “Wasn’t the last investigation you were on in the cold, too?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” She sighed, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her jacket before looking at you for a couple of seconds, “I don’t know why they keep putting us together.”

“Oh hush, you love when we get assigned to the same investigation,” You smirked, watching her huff and start leading the way to the body. 

A few hours later, the two of you made it to lunch in a quiet diner, “Where are we staying this time?” You asked as you shrugged your coat off and put it on the back of her chair.

“We?” she said with a raised brow.

You rolled your eyes, “You know we always get put in the same hotel room for these kinds of investigations. What would you have me do, sleep outside your door?”

“Would be nice,” she said sarcastically and sat down across from you, taking off the beanie she’d been wearing and smoothing her hair back.

You hummed, “Right, I forget you aren’t used to having attractive women in your bed.”

“For christ’s sake,” Jane groaned. “Can we work together once without you doing that?”

“When you finally go out with me, sure,” You smiled.

“We’re staying at a motel nearby,” she mumbled, looking down at her menu. “Now will you stop bothering me and figure out what you’re going to eat? We don’t have all day.”

——

“Has anybody been able to identify the body yet?” Jane asked you as she walked up after she got finished with a coffee run.

“Yes, uh- Mack Byrd, he was like 24, lived with a roommate, Bradley Collins. They have a cute dog, too.”

“You got all that while I was getting coffee?” She asked with a raised brow.

“Yep, You said, popping your ‘p’ and taking the coffee she was handing you. “I got their address too, one of the officers is friends with Bradley.” 

“Good,” She gave a small nod and your heart fluttered at the praise she so rarely gave. “You haven’t spoken to the roommate, though?”

“I’m not that good, Janie,” You teased, and she rolled her eyes at the name, humming in acknowledgment before walking away.

You stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds and before you were about to start wandering, but she turned around and called out to you, “What are you doing? Let’s go.”

By the time you caught up to her, she was already in the car, “You always get to drive.” You whined as you got in and closed the door.

Jane sighed and looked at you with her eyebrow quirked, “Are you serious?”

“..Yes?”

She turned the engine on and started backing out of her parking spot, “If you aren’t annoying you can drive us to the motel.”

“Since when do we negotiate for who drives?” You scoffed getting your phone out of your pocket to connect it to the aux cord to put on music and the directions to the house. You were glad that the one thing you and Jane didn’t argue about was the music you listened to.

“Since I figured out I’d benefit from it.”

You huffed, crossing your arms and taking your coat off before putting your seatbelt on.

Some minutes later of silence between the two of you, you spoke up, “Why are you always like this?”

“God,” she muttered. “Why am I like what, Y/n?” Jane asked, sounding irritated.

You frowned and turned up the music as you leaned against the window, away from her, but she turned it back down, “like what?” she repeated.

“Do you seriously not like me or are you just mean to everyone? I thought it was cute at first but now it’s like all you do is tell me to fuck off or that I’m annoying you.”

“Oh,” she sighed again. “Well, I’m not mean to everyone, I-”

Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by her phone going off, and you looked over to see your boss’ name on the screen.

She picked it up and spent the rest of the short car ride talking to him, and when you got to the house you opened the car door and got out quickly, not bothering to put on your coat until you were outside and the door was shut.

The rest of the day was really awkward. Usually, you bantered with her and it would make her laugh until she got bored of it, but you didn’t feel like talking to her so you tried your best to just talk to Bradley and ignore the way Jane’s eyes burned holes into your head.

When you’d gotten some information and it was time to leave, you said goodbye, offered your condolences, and went outside, leaving her to be walked out by the man. You made it to the car and stood by the passenger side, not wanting to have whatever stupid and awkward conversation she would try to have.

She seemed to get it because she just went around the car and unlocked it as she got to her side. You sat facing away from her the whole time. Was it childish? Yeah, maybe.

——

Jane let you shower first, and once she got in the bathroom for her turn, you made yourself tea in the little kitchen before leaving the room with a blanket around your shoulders to sit outside the doorstep in front of the balcony railing and watch cars pass every once in a while.

You enjoyed the sound of the cars passing and the wind blowing gently as you tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in your stomach. You didn’t want to fight with Jane. You teased each other a lot but it never got this serious.

Though you didn’t like to let yourself think about it very often, you liked Jane a lot. You had since the day you met her. There was a whole lot of sexual tension between the two of you, she knew it and so did you. The bickering was hot, the way she occasionally stared at you was hot, hell even the way she dismissed you after you said something stupid was hot. She didn’t seem like the type to date a coworker, though Maybe sleep with one, but your feelings would get complicated and then it would make things weird between the two of you.

Your sulking was interrupted when the door behind you was opened. You looked over your shoulder to see Jane in sweats letting out a breath of relief. You sighed and turned back to look at the street again while Jane hesitantly sat beside you.

Upon glancing at her, you realized you’d never really seen her looking this nervous before. You felt her looking at you for a few seconds before she cleared her throat and you looked over at her.

“I’m really sorry.”

“Okay,” You nodded hesitantly, waiting for her to say something else.

“I don’t dislike you, at all- it’s really the opposite. I think you’re really sweet and funny and you’re great company. I don’t think you’re annoying either-”

Your brow furrowed, “So now you can say you don’t think I’m annoying after you’ve hurt my feelings, but you complain about me all the time, so that means basically nothing.”

She nodded, “I know, and really, I am sorry. I have a habit of getting weird and kind of defensive around the people who I- well, like... I’m not good at showing people that I like them- their company. I’m trying to work on it. I don’t mean to be difficult and I don’t want this to fuck things us between because as much as we bicker and tease each other, I do like to think that we’re kind of friends.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, playing with your blanket for a few seconds, “You’re not as much of a bitch as I thought.”

Jane hit your arm playfully as you giggled, “Dick.”

“Hey, I thought the apology meant you were going to be nice to me from now on.”

“Nicer,” She chuckled. 

You turned towards her a bit, and pulled your legs up to your chest to rest your head on your knees, “But thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Jane frowned a bit as she turned towards you a little, matching the way you were sitting.

“I know,” you nodded. “But since it seems to be vulnerability night.. does it bother you that I ask you out all the time? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“No,” She blushed as she shook her head. “It’s cute.”

“So you will go out with me then?”

“We’ll just have to see,” Jane hummed, making you laugh. “But you’re not mad at me anymore?”

“Not really. You’re pretty good company too,” You smiled, watching the way her hands were wrapped around herself, rubbing her arms. “Are you cold yet?”

“A little,” her nose scrunched and she let go of herself, flexing her fingers.

You sighed softly and got off the ground, “Let’s go inside.”

The rest of your night was spent well. You and Jane talked more than usual, and the conversations were more normal, with less teasing between the two of you. You shared a bed, which wasn’t new. 

You said goodnight to each other, you turned towards the edge of the bed, and after a short minute, you felt Jane moving around. She stopped when she was right behind you. Her forearm was against your back and you could feel her hair against your neck. 

Your demeanor towards each other over the next few days was calmer than usual. The teasing continued, of course, but it was more flirty and playful. You continued investigating after the medical examiner marked the case as a murder.

The nights were more than nice. Once you guys entered the motel every night, things felt very domestic. You’d fallen into a little routine to get ready for bed, one night you watched the Great British Baking Show together because apparently she loved it. 

After the first night, Jane started sleeping closer to you, and you stopped turning towards the edge of the bed. She seemed to seek out your touch.

On what neither of you knew would be your last night in the motel, you asked her about it.

“Are you okay?” You said quietly after she’d reached out for your arm.

“Is this not.. if you aren’t okay with it I can stop-”

“No, no- it’s nice. I’m just asking.”

You couldn’t see her since it was dark, but you heard her sigh and you felt her hand squeeze around your arm the tiniest bit, “I just get really anxious during the day because of like- I don’t know. Just- the last investigation I was on was kind of scary. I know this is our job but it doesn’t make it any better. Being around you helps, I think.”

“C’mere,” You sighed softly, turning to face her and holding your arms out.

“Are you sure?” She asked hesitantly.

“Mhm, get over here.”

Jane shuffled forwards and let out a breath when you pulled her closer and she tucked her head underneath your chin. She wrapped her arm around your waist, holding tightly, and you draped your arm over her to rub her back until she fell asleep.

——

“You have shit luck, Jane,” You huffed, because this was Jane’s second investigation in a row that has involved a shoot-out.

“Shut up, Y/n,” She hissed, breathing heavily as she pressed her back against the wall, getting ready to turn the corridor when she heard voices coming from far away.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” You said, breathlessly before putting your hand on your arm. “Stay here, I’ll go.”

She looked conflicted, and her eyes flicked between yours before she grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you forward, kissing you eagerly for a few seconds.

When she pulled away you gave her a cheeky smile before turning the corner.

——

“Will you go on a date with me now?” You asked after Jane ended the call with your boss.

She bit her lip and smiled before nodding, “Yeah, yes. I really want to go on a date with you.”

[astralbooks]

Hotel Magnifique - Emily J Taylor

Read: 11/04/2022 - 13/04/2022

Rating: 2/5

Rep: bi love interest, lesbian side character

CW: death of parent (in backstory), memory manipulation, on page death, physical injury

Review:

This one missed the mark. I think this concept had a lot of potential, which is why I was so excited to pick this one up, but unfortunately it just didn’t work for me.

The biggest issue for me was probably the two lead characters, narrator Jani and love interest Bel. A typical interaction between these two goes something a little like this:

Jani: Tell me everything now Bel: No Bel: Also don’t do this blatantly stupid thing that will make both our lives harder if you’re caught Jani: Screw you I’m doing the thing Jani: Oops I got caught help me

Repeat ad infinitum and you’ve basically got the whole book down. I didn’t like Jani at all, mainly due to her constant need to make the worst possible decision at any given moment. Bel couldn’t seem to decide whether he was aloof or earnest, and while those two traits don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive they didn’t gel well here. There were moments where he really shone, but they felt at odds with the rest of the book and the rest of his characterisation. The two of them together didn’t come across as a convincing romance to me. An alliance? Yes. A friendship? Yes! A romance? He was a boy, she was a girl, and in this day and age we need something more than that.

Something that I dislike in stories is when the mystery that the main character is stumbling around is preserved solely through characters who are in the know simply refusing to explain things when asked directly even when surely it would make things easier for everyone if they just answered the question. When this happens, there being a mystery at all feels contrived, and my investment in finding out the answers along with the main character is crushed by my irritation with the whole situation. This was most of the plot of this book. See the paraphrased script above. The end result of this was that when Jani finally found someone who was willing to answer her questions, we ended up with what was effectively a multi-page monologue from them as they explained the entire backstory. I just think this could’ve been avoided, y’know?

This book has its moments. I liked Bel’s ex boyfriend a lot, and I wish he’d been a more major character because I found him really interesting. The writing style was clear and easy to read, which was a big help in letting me fly through this book in just three sittings (two of which were on the same day). Also, at one point Jani says that some oranges are ‘misinformed’, which makes sense in context but is a hilarious thing to say either way and is a line that’s definitely going to take up permanent residence in my brain. I also liked some of the themes that were touched on, such as the lengths that siblings can be willing to go for one another, or how truly going home is impossible, but I would’ve preferred these themes to have been explored in more depth than they ultimately were.

In sum, this wasn’t for me, and I wouldn’t really recommend it either. 

Thank you to NetGalley and Pushkin Press for providing me with an e-arc in return for an honest review

[maclunkee]

Your How-To Guide For Identifying a Predator Online

Hello everyone! I am writing this post in the light of events that have been happening for about a month now and blew onto our faces last night. If you want to understand what happened and why is it important we discuss this, please check out this post.

In light of those events, I wanted to make a resource that was not aimed only at kids and teens, and/or your usual couch incel freak.

Anyone can be a predator and these are some universal signs to watch out regardless of the victim’s age or the predator’s profile.

I am not here to discuss ins and out or how disgusting the whole situation that happened with @mountainsidepossum is. I want people to understand this is not some petty twitter drama about someone who was “cancelled”. This is about someone who was 30+ years old, having romantic feelings about a 17 year-old.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional by any means, I am just a regular joe with a regular life, but I have done basic research for this post. I am doing this with the best of intentions, please don’t make unnecessary drama out of an already bad situation. I can change information on the original post at any given time to offer the best support I can. I will have “receipts” or whatever for this specific case I call back to, reach out on DMs for them as >I< (the author of this post) am not comfortable with publicly posting them - There is enough proof on the previously linked post that this person was indeed a predator. I do not want this to be a call out post, but a warning and a helpful tool!

How To Identify A Predator:

The entire situation in our fanbase started when someone showed up: New people show up everyday to fandoms (and remember: shunning out someone for being new is gatekeeping!). This person was friendly, I didn’t have touch with them at start, or at all for a long time for that matter, but lots of my friends did.

“My sweet” - Was a term I saw being used, with less than a month since this person had made an account. That is okay, I myself am not a native english speaker and immediately recognized that as a language barrier. (This was not used with the main victim).

“I love you” - Going further into research I saw this person use this endearment for someone who has not been active in fandom for over a year. I thought it was yet another language barrier, but “I love you” means “I love you” anywhere. (This was not used with the main victim).

“Best Friend” - This is related in the previously linked post. This person called their victim their “Best Friend” even though they had only talked a few times. (This was used with the main victim).

I am using these only as example for what I want to convey

Don’t get me wrong: you can totally have friends online. I myself have made long-lasting, 10+ years, healthy friendships here on tumblr. However, there are plenty of ways to make them besides jumping straight for very personal endearments like that.

Offering too much too quickly into your friendship: Please beware if your “friend” is quick to offer you gifts early on into the relationship, and I’m not talking about the cliché watches or candy, they can be:

AO3 gifts;

Dedicated posts and art;

Commissions paid by them;

Over the top comments about your character and who you are, instead of what you offer to fandom;

Poems;

Etc.

Also beware if:

They ask too many personal questions without prompt;

They try to get in touch with your family and friends to ask about you

They are constantly checking your social media.

Seem to desperately try to grab your attention

Types of Predators

According to Reputation Defender, there are several types of online predators, but I want to make a call out for what they named The Crush: This will be the person who will try to get their victim’s attention at any cost, sometimes through excessive posts, or fabricating lies to make themselves a victim in a situation, thus eliciting their victim’s sympathy (ringing any ms.scribe bells also?).

Please read the entire post to understand more

What to do in case you or a friend are the victim

I know tumblr is complicated, but please reach out to someone who is over 25 years old and that you know you can trust - That person should likely be someone who has a lead role in your community, usually your local discord mod.

Warn your parents if you feel they will make you feel safe and will offer you help and support under that situation.

If the person is in your same country and/or continent, please consider reaching out to the police.

I will try and add to this as we go. Please remember I’m just a normal person whose first language is not english. I am not a victim, I am just trying to offer resources that I don’t usually find.

What to do in case a friend of yours happens to be the predator

HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. If you feel comfortable enough to, please sit down with your friend and try to explain why what they did is wrong. Please let them know hat is going on and that its not just mindless online hating for the sake of trying to “cancel” someone. This does not mean forgive them and give them a hug and tell them everything is fine… NO! Hold them accountable for their harm and their actions!!!

---

I would also highly suggest reading this article: Online Predators - Myth versus Reality. By Janis Wolak, J.D., with the assistance of Lindsey Evans, Stephanie Nguyen, and Denise A. Hines, Ph.D

Stay safe kids!

[ohmotherwhatsthat]

My Calamity Jane

Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton & Jodi Meadows (The Lady Janies #3)

🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤍🤍🤍 (7.5/10)

Look, I feel like I need to preface this with the fact that I have one MAJOR pet peeve in life: Getting historical facts wrong

But my issue with this goes a little deeper. The real problem is that moment where someone proclaims something as being “historically accurate” and then its NOT

You know that moment the cast of the Percy Jackson movie said the movies were true to the books? Yeah. That kind of moment

BUT

That kind of moment might just be the reason I love the Lady Jane series so much.

In the realm of A Knights Tale and Xena, historical research is done, and then – promptly - thrown completely out the window. My major pet peeve in life can be bypassed simply by someone announcing: we’re going to make this as completely UN historically accurate as we possibly can.

Or, in the words of the authors themselves: “we adjusted a few ages, combined various historical figures to create our own characters, and generally messed around with things to suit our purposes … a lot”.

And so, we end up at My Calamity Jane – in which the wild west is just as wild, Calamity Jane has no ability to use a door, every moment feels like you’re on a road trip, oh and there’s werewolves.

And, in the way of the Lady Jane series, our authors seem to achieve the perfect balance of:

-        snarky, tired, and semi-informative narrators

-        moral and philosophical criticisms on:

-        who and what are referred to as ‘monsters’ in life

-        and judging people on what they are not who they are

-        Disney references

-        Western references

-        Many other references in general tbh

-        Found FamilyTM

-        Criticism of top hats

-        And romance (of course)

-        (also can i just say how much i love the cover and its little comments!) [ID:            1) “hold onto your hats”, 2) ain’t afraid of the big bad wolf, 3) messy hair,              don’t care, End ID]

All in all – the makings of a fantastic book!

Honestly though – I’d probably rate it something like 7.5/10

GREAT when I was reading it – but I didn’t love it as much as other’s by them, and it didn’t hold my attention quite as much as it could have

Favourite character:

Annie “no one got anywhere without some kind of ambition” Oakley.

Ok she’s fairly well tied with Frank Butler too. And Jane………… ok maybe they’re all kind of my favourite. I do love Annie’s character development though. Also I’m a sucker for Slytherin characters. Even if they’re semi-Gryffindor going to charge into situations because they have a point to prove and an unhealthy need to win. So we’re sticking with Annie.

Favourite quote:

Oh but there’s so MANY. And it depends on why its my favourite quote? Is it the one that made me laugh?

“That’s loads of time. A person could write a whole book in two hours.” (To which we, as the narrators, say no. A person can’t. And now we’re crying a little.) (Also in the running) “Would you please just let me threaten?”

Most relatable?

“This is a horrible idea!” Annie called again. “I don’t even have pockets!”

Most philosophical?

“You’re not as nice a person as you think you are”

So yes – far too many options. So I’ll just stick with the final line, and my appreciation for the general purpose of these books. “But none of them could have ever imagined a happier ending.”

(As with any of the books I read let me know if you have questions re triggers or sensitive topics and I’ll let you know if the book covers any of them)