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pregnant-piggy · 4 years ago

Text

World Tour

Sirius Black x reader, band AU

Words: 12k

Written for @slytherinquill‘s writing challenge!

A/N: I’ve been wanting to write a band AU for so long now and here it is! I worked really hard on it and I so hope you like it!

Never in your whole life had you thought that you would get where you are right now; rushing through the airport with no one less than James Potter, the guitarist of the world famous band The Marauders.

You had been a fan of them for years, ever since they started. You watched them grow from little teenage boys doing covers on YouTube to the twenty-four year olds they were now, selling out arenas. The aforementioned James Potter and his electric guitar were a golden combination, Remus Lupin mastered the art of playing the bass, Peter Pettigrew never missed a single beat on the drums and then you had Sirius Black. Lead singer. He looked like how you would imagine one; thick, black hair, angelic bone structure, mysterious eyes and a voice like a child of the devil and an angel. To say that thousands of girls were just fan of him was an understatement.

Even you bore a little crush on him. But how could you not? The man was a god.

How you ever ended up in this situation was still vague to you. Not because you didn't know what had happened but because it all went so fast. Just a month ago you were still in your own apartment, plucking on your guitar, contemplating whether it was all worth it. You had been making music for years now and you had never had your big breakthrough. Though your friends and family told you that it would come and that you were a wonderful singer and your songs were amazing, you had been close to giving up. It was then that James reposted an Instagram video of you singing their song She's not mine and everything blew up. Your Instagram got a boost and the comments wouldn't stop. The Marauders' management hit you up, asked you to record a song with the men and a week later you were a big star.

The experience with the four men in the studio was something you had never done before. You wrote your songs in the safety of your bedroom, where all the failed ones never left. Now you suddenly had been surrounded by four professional artists plus another three songwriters. The song was written in three days, the title Don’t rush assigned to it, and recorded in two. The sixth day was a day for rest, that you had spent at Remus' house with him and Peter. You had gotten to know the men better. You had learned that James had an obvious crush on the manager's assistant, Lily, that Peter lived with his parents because he didn't see the need of buying a house when he was away all the time, that Remus had learned how to play the bass from his grandfather and pictures had shown that that man was the embodiment of rock'n'roll-grandfather, and that it was Sirius who had come up with the idea of starting a band.

The seventh day had been release day. The song came out at midnight and you had anxiously waited at home with your roommate, Tiffany, until it was time. She had been the biggest fan of the song at the first note and when your voice synchronised with Sirius' she had started to cry. She had kept on playing the song, while you got phone calls from your family and friends.

To promote the new song you and the boys had visited radio station after radio station. You had existed on coffee that day; you had promptly fallen asleep in your living room at three in the morning, while Tiffany was still gushing over your song and the fact that you had met The Marauders, and you had to be at the first studio at 6 AM. Coffee had been your saviour.

Interviews were something you had never done before, just like anything you had gone through that week. At the first radio stations, the boys had taken you under their wings, helping you with answers and pushing you in the right direction. Over the day you had learned how to act in interviews and how to laugh away questions, an useful skill you had noted as the interviewers had asked you about your personal life.

You had thought that that would be it. Or at least, that the song would be the end of your collaboration with The Marauders. They had explained to you that they were going on tour just three weeks later and that maybe they would invite you to one of their shows.

Of course you had been a bit sad to see it end there. In just that week you had grown to like those men a lot. You had spent a lot of time with them and your personalities matched. It was easy and fun to hang around with them.

So when the week was over and it had been time for you to get back to your normal life, that you thought would never be the same again, you had spent the first day home with Tiffany, telling her everything about your experience. You had stayed on the couch with her the whole day and fell asleep late at night, relaxing for the first time that week.

However you relaxation had not been long. The next morning you had gotten a call that had turned your life upside down and was the reason why you were at the airport now;

You were going on tour with The Marauders.

‘What took you so long?’ Remus asked, tilling his suitcase on the counter of the check-in desk.

You panted and bowed forward to catch your breath. James patted you on your back and brushed it lightly. ‘I lost my lock.’

‘You lost your lock?’ Remus said and he turned away from the lady behind the desk to see if James was serious.

The lady behind the counter watched the back of Remus’ head impatiently as this one burst into laughter and shook his head. Peter, who had noticed that the lady was looking rather grumpy and might have realised that she wouldn’t get any happier by the fact that there were more suitcases coming, pushed Remus back to the desk.

Meanwhile you had caught your breath and were standing straight up again. You pushed your suitcase behind Remus and stood next to him, waiting for him to finish with checking in his bags. ‘We lost it somewhere on our way and James wanted to get it back.’

‘How good a lock can it be if it fell off?’ Peter asked, raising his eyebrow so high that it disappeared behind his blond hair.

‘It wouldn’t have fallen off, if someone didn’t bump their suitcase into mine!’ James whined and he looked at you.

‘It was not my fault! You suddenly took a turn! What was I supposed to do? Jump over it?’ you asked sarcastically, sending James a smile.

It was your turn to check in and while you smiled at the grumpy lady, you apologised for making such a scene. She just shrugged and said nothing as she continued to weigh your suitcase and then pushed it to the space behind her desk, where the bags disappeared to be loaded into the airport. She handed you your boarding pass and then called for the next one.

- - - - - -

The air in the airplane was cold. You hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater and wrapped your arms around your body. You were sitting next to the window and you looked outside. The plane had to take off yet, but you already felt the nerves rushing through your body like you always had when you were in plane. Not that it happened that often, but enough to recognise the feeling.

It was still early in the morning. The skies were just turning blue and there was dew on the windowpane. The first rays of sun broke through and the windows of the airport-building reflected the orange light.

You figured that this wouldn’t be the last time that you would be on a plane this early. Another city every day, or every two days, meant that you would be travelling a lot. But something about the cold and humid morning air was refreshing. The promise of another great day rose with the sun.

However, despite the fresh air and the rising sun, you were tired. You hadn’t slept a lot last night; Tiffany had thrown a little bon-voyage party and had invited your friends. Before the party you had had dinner with your parents. Your mother had cried tears of happiness as she had said goodbye and you just had hoped that was because she was happy for you. Your father had made you promise to him that you would be careful around the four men. You had laughed and told him that nothing would happen with them, but you had promised him, since you feared he wouldn’t let you go if you didn’t. The party Tiffany had thrown wasn’t big; just a few friends, but it had lasted till late at night and you had had to be at the airport at four o’clock.

Your sleep schedule was completely messed up and you feared that it wouldn’t go back to normal for a while.

The voice of the pilot sounded through the airplane and you were pulled from your thoughts. His calm voice soothed none of your nerves, instead only made them worse. You clasped the fabric of your sweater in your hands and took a deep breath as you closed your eyes.

‘If you’re scared of flying, we have a problem,’ James’ voice sounded next to you and you opened your eyes at him.

‘I am not scared of flying, don’t worry,’ you said, your voice quivering a bit. ‘I’m just nervous and excited for everything.’

‘I get that,’ James said, nodding his head. ‘I remember our first time going on tour. Remus knew the whole planning by heart and he took every opportunity to tell us it. Peter cried when he had to say goodbye to his parents; they’re very close you know?’

‘I heard,’ you said and James looked surprised at you. ‘He told me when I was at Remus’ a while back.’

‘Oh, right. Anyway, he cried and we did not hesitate to mock him about it. Poor guy had a terrible first day,’ James chuckled and his eyes glistened with mirth, ‘Sirius was nervous too, but he wouldn’t show it. To this day, he still thinks that we didn’t hear him whispering motivating words to himself before the show-’

‘I wasn’t!’

Sirius, who sat in front of you and James, turned around and looked at you through the space between the seats. You giggled and rested your hands on your thighs, not in your sides anymore.

‘You were!’ James cried out, while Sirius shook his head. ‘I clearly remember you telling yourself that you “could do it, because I am good”.’

Sirius opened his mouth and then closed it again. He shot James an angry glare and then turned back around in his seat, starting to talk to Remus. You looked at James and smiled. ‘What about you?’

‘Oh, I was nervous too. But I kept myself together quite well, if I say so myself.’

Remus and Sirius snorted in front of you and turned around in their seats. Their faces, as they looked at James like he had just told a joke, made you chuckle. James made sputtering sounds, but Remus cut him off before he could say anything.

‘He held my hand the entire flight and was so nervous for the first show that he forgot his lyrics in the first song.’

‘Remus!’

You laughed and nudged James playfully. ‘Come on, it’s funny! It could always be worse…’

‘What do you mean?’ James asked and Remus and Sirius looked curious at you. You shrugged and played with the sleeves of your sweater as you answered.

‘When I had my first performance, I threw up right before I had to go on stage. I had to play three songs while smelling like vomit.’

James and Sirius burst out into laughter and Remus shot you an apologetic look. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched James wipe away a tear from the corner of his eye. For a moment you had forgotten about the take-off and when you looked outside you realised that you were already in the sky. The airport was left behind and you watched the city get smaller and smaller with the seconds.

The little scene down on the earth had your attention until the plane flew into the clouds and you could see nothing but white. You turned back to James, who was watching a film on the little screen installed in the chair in front of him. He mouthed along the words of the protagonist as this one spoke.

You fished your earbuds out of your pocket and put on your music as you turned back to look outside. You pulled your knees up to your chest and closed your eyes for a second as the melody took over you.

Music always had a way to make you feel all the emotions at once. For you it wasn’t just a way to pass time, it was something so much bigger than that. Ever since you were young you had been singing. You had driven your parents crazy, though deep down they were happy to see you passionate about something at such a young age. Any music you could get your hands to, you would listen to. Your mother had dozens of records and you always asked her to play them. Often your brother had complained because he wanted to listen to different music than you. But with your angel eyes you could always win your parents for you.

Guitar lessons had seemed like the most logical thing for you. You had enjoyed learning the chords and soon you could play guitar better than your father, who had been trying to learn how to play for years then. At twelve you had started to write your own songs. Back then they were simple songs with simple lyrics about that one boy crush you had had. As you matured, so did your songs with you. More often they were about the things you felt and the darker periods in your life. Many times your mother had said that you had gift to turn emotions into words.

At the age of sixteen you had recorded your first cover. You had posted it on your Instagram account and then the anxious waiting had begun. A week it had been before someone had commented saying that you had a great voice and that they wouldn’t be surprised to hear more of you. You had been euphoric. After a month you had ten comments, all good ones. The second video you posted was a cover of a song of The Marauders; Lies are fine. It was, at the time, your favourite song of them and to this day the song held a special place in your heart. Again you got some good comments, but for the first time in your life, you had read that someone didn’t like your voice. Now you were quite good at handling hate, but back then it had been enough to break you down. For a month you hadn’t sung and your friends had to show you all the good reactions for you to realise that it was just one opinion.

Ever since you had started to sing your own songs, you had felt liberated in a way. It was easier to sing your own words than someone else’s. The hate had gone on, of course it had, but you had built a wall in front of it. Only a few times something had broken the wall down and then it was patched up quickly again.

You had grown strong over the years and music had formed your life.

- - - - - -

The first place was New York. Management had wanted to start the tour with a big show. Two nights the band would perform at Madison Square Garden. The venue had been booked full both nights. There was not a single place left.

There was one day to install yourself in the city and to get used to the big stadium. You arrived in the city just as it was waking up. Cars were already driving like maniacs over the busy streets and you feared for your life as you looked out of the window of the van you were sitting in. Cars drove by fast and close. The so typical yellow cabs were the worst; driving almost straight into the sidewalk to stop for people and then racing away as soon as the passenger had taken their seat.

The driver of your van wasn’t much different either. He took sharp corners and only stopped abruptly for red lights. With ever turn he took you were pushed out of your seat, one time against the window, the other time against Sirius, who was sitting next to you.

As the driver took another turn, you shifted so you were practically in Sirius’ lap. You placed your hand on his leg not to fall over and his hands caught you.

‘Watch out, darling,’ he smirked when you pushed yourself back to your seat.

‘It’s not my fault that guy drives like he’s got a death wish,’ you grumbled and pulled the sleeves of your sweater over your hands. Sirius laughed and shook his head as he watched you shoot an angry glare at the driver’s head.

‘So got any plans for today?’ you asked, turning your gaze away from the man and looking at Sirius. ‘Other than checking out the venue?’

‘Not really,’ Sirius shrugged. ‘Why, do you got plans?’

‘My plan is to drop dead on my bed and sleep for the rest of the day,’ you said. ‘Care to join me?’

‘I don’t think there would be much sleeping when I’m in bed with you,’ Sirius smirked. ‘There’s no way you can resist me.’

You laughed and shook your head. ‘I don’t know, I seem to be doing fine now.’

‘That’s only what you think, darling. Deep down you’re burning with desire.’

‘Huh, so it seems…’

It was like this with all Sirius’ jokes around you. The flirtatious tone, winks, nicknames. You knew he was only kidding, but still the jokes made you get hot on the inside and a little flustered. You tried to comment back on him, but that didn’t work all times.

The van stopped at the hotel and the driver, much to your surprise, as you had thought that he would drive off the second you stepped out of the vehicle, took your suitcases from the back of the car.

Together with the boys you stepped into the luxurious hotel. The floors were white marble stones and on the ceilings hung golden chandeliers with crystals that sparkled in the sunlight that came through the big window at the front of the building.

It was a surprise to you how the hotel wasn’t loaded with fans yet. From what you had always heard, fans would find out where artist were staying before even they knew. But there was no one on the streets and not one of the people in the lobby looked up when your group walked in.

Your footsteps echoed in the silent hall. You felt utterly underdressed in your sweater and black jeans as you looked around you and saw women in neat dresses and men in suits. You tried to fix your hair, which you feared was peeking out on all sides. Your fingers untangled a tiny knot while you listened to the manager talk to the receptionist.

‘Alright, your rooms are on the fifth floor. Two to six. Tonight we’ll go to the venue but I’ll text you the details,’ the manager said and handed you, Sirius, Peter, James and Remus a room key.

Your room was number six, on the corner of the building so you had windows on two sides. It was by far the most luxe hotel room you had ever stayed in and you were a little disappointed you would only stay here for three days. Though it wasn’t a massive room –it only existed of a bathroom and a bedroom with a small corner where a big chair stood –it looked like everything, from the rug on the floor to the paintings on the walls, was more expensive than your apartment.

You opened the curtains in front of the windows that lead to your balcony, that was connected to the balconies of the others, and the light washed over the room. It was only ten in the morning, but sleep took over you as soon as your head hit the pillow. You didn’t even change; all you had done was take off your shoes.

- - - - - -

Anxiously you sat in the dressing room, staring at yourself in the big mirror that covered one side of the wall above the dressing tables. The round, yellow light bulbs that surrounded the mirror were reflected in your eyes.

You were nervous. More nervous than you thought you would be. The silence in the room only added to your anxiety. The boys had been called away for a moment, to take a last view of the stage before the stadium filled with fans.

Your phone lied open on the sofa next to you. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone through Twitter, but you just couldn’t resist. There were a lot of people wishing you good luck, but you also saw some tweets saying that taking you with The Marauders on tour was the worse decision they had ever made. Doubts had started to play in your head and now it was all you could think about in that silent room.

Luckily the silence was broken when your phone started to ring. Scaring up from the sound you almost fell of the couch as you looked around the room to see what it was. Quickly you noticed your phone and a feeling of relieve washed over you as you read your roommates name on the screen.

‘Y/N! WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU AT THE VENUE YET? ARE THEY THERE?!’ Tiffany yelled through the phone before you could even say hi to her.

‘Nice to talk to you too, Tif,’ you laughed. ‘I am at the venue actually. The show’s in two hours.’

‘I know, I wanted to talk to you before all the madness begins. How are you holding up?’

‘Nervous. What if I mess up? What if I forget the lyrics? What if I do something embarrassing on stage? There are so many people who will see it.’

‘Don’t worry, sweetheart,’ Tiffany said. ‘You have had performances before and the guys wouldn’t have asked you if they didn’t think you were any good.’

You sighed and smiled to your phone, though Tiffany couldn’t see it. You asked about home and while Tiffany started to tell you about your friends, you heard some noises coming from the hall. Not two seconds later, the door of the dressing room burst open and a laughing James and Sirius entered, followed by Peter and Remus, who had a smile on their face, but weren’t as much laughing as their two friends.

You took one glance at them and then turned back to your phone, catching Tiffany’s last words. ‘…so now I have to visit her parents, while she is away with Jason. Can you believe it?’

‘What can I say, I always thought she was weird,’ you answered and only now the boys seemed to notice you were on the phone. They silenced and watched you as you awkwardly continued to talk to Tiffany. ‘Just be careful around her, okay? I don’t want to see you all caught up in her things, when she is out having fun. You’re better than that.’

‘I know,’ Tiffany sighed and then there was a silence. ‘Well, call me tomorrow, okay? I want to hear everything!’

‘I will. Goodbye, I love you,’ you said and put down your phone after Tiffany had said her goodbyes too.

The four men were looking at you expectantly, but you ignored their looks and walked to the corner of the room, where a little fridge stood, to grab a bottle of water. You felt their eyes pricking in your back and when you turned around you were met with four staring gazes. You suppressed a smile and sat back down on the couch, next to Sirius.

‘So, everything settled for later?’ you asked, taking a sip from your water.

You met Remus’ eye and he noticed you were teasing them. Everything about their faces told you that they wanted to know who you just told ‘I love you’ to, but you wouldn’t give in so easily. Remus shot you a smile and then started to talk about the stage, taking the other three’s attention of the cause for a while.

It was only an hour later, as James, Peter and Remus were out checking their instruments, the subject of your phone call came back. You were walking up and down in the room and Sirius was lying on the couch, his eyes focused on his phone. You were softly rehearsing your text one more time, as the nerves were making their way up to your throat now. You feared that if you didn’t find a way to calm down soon, you would not even be able to sing.

‘Who was that on the phone?’ Sirius asked out of nowhere, startling you in your walking.

‘Why?’ you asked, tilting your head to the side.

‘Just curious who the subject of your love interest is.’

‘Don’t be jealous, you know you’re the only one,’ you smirked and grabbed an empty water bottle. Your fingers played with the label on it for a few seconds and then you threw it away.

‘No boyfriend then?’ Sirius asked and you stared at him for a minute before you shook your head. ‘Come sit,’ Sirius ordered while he pushed himself up from the couch and patted the empty space next to him. Hesitantly you sat down next to him. ‘I won’t bite,’ Sirius laughed. ‘Unless you’re into that of course.’

You blushed and shook your head, not able to keep the scoff inside your mouth. Staring at your hands you took a deep breath. Sirius’ gaze was focused on the side of your face and when you breathed out he placed a hand on your back, rubbing it lightly. You felt butterflies fly up in your stomach and you closed your eyes for a second.

‘You don’t have to be nervous, darling. You have a beautiful voice, you fit really well with the group and not to mention you’re gorgeous,’ Sirius said and his hand kept still on your back. The blood rushed to your cheeks and you smiled, looking up to Sirius as you opened your eyes again.

‘Thank you,’ you whispered.

‘And if that doesn’t help, you can always imagine everyone naked. That helps in all situations,’ Sirius added with a wink, his eyes gliding over your body for a second.

‘I’m going to strangle you,’ you said with a laugh, pushing Sirius away from you.

‘Is that a threat or a promise? Stop confusing me,’ Sirius said, his smirk evident on his face. You got up from the couch and walked to the door, swaying your hips exaggerated and throwing your hair over your shoulder as you looked back at him. His eyes were focused on your bum and you smirked as you stepped through the door.

‘Whatever you want it to be, dear,’ you said before disappearing and your smile grew at hearing Sirius sigh as his body hit the cushions of the couch.

- - - - - -

The crowd was cheering and yelling as The Marauders played a song from their newest album, Disaster. You mouthed along the words while you stood backstage, watching the band play from the side. They performed with such a passion and love for their music that you couldn’t but smile. You had seen their performances countless of times online and you had been at a show once, but that was four years ago. In those four years they had grown from teenage boys to men. Their style had matured with them, but still their music had something that had been there from the start; passion.

‘You’re up next,’ the stage manager told you and pushed you to the stairs that lead to the stage. You wrapped your hands around your waist and took in a deep breath. Someone pushed a microphone in your hand and pushed you even closer to the stairs, so you were almost standing on them now.

‘Our next song is one we’re particularly proud of,’ Remus said and from your place you could see James trying to calm the crowd down a little. ‘It’s something we have worked hard and specially fast on.’

The crowd eased a little and you felt your heart beating in your chest. This was it; the moment you had been waiting for ever since you started writing music. A big stadium filled with people who wanted to listen to your song.

‘Please welcome to the stage the lovely Y/N!’

With fierce steps you climbed the stairs. The view that came to your sight as you took your place next to Sirius was something that you already knew nothing in your life could top. Thousands of people cheered, yelled and screamed your name. There were lights from phones and cameras everywhere and you were blinded as a spotlight was placed on you.

Anxiously you turned to Sirius, who was standing next to you and he gave you a smile and a wink. You relaxed and even dared to smile at the crowd in front of you. You could hear the screaming of hundreds of girls somewhere in the section closest to the stage and you chuckled lightly, remembering what it was like to stand there and be so close to your favourite band.

‘You ready?’ Sirius mouthed at you and when you nodded he looked at Peter over his head, who started to tick his drumsticks to the beat of the song. The bass joined in and you forgot about the crowd as the tunes of the song you had worked so hard on the past month filled the stadium.

‘Don’t you think about me tonight

I’ll still be there in the morning

In the sunrise we’ll reunite

Our heads empty and dark inside’

Every last nerve that you had disappeared as the first words left your mouth. At the first verse, the crowd was totally silent, never having heard you live before. But when you sang the last word of the verse, they burst loose and the screaming filled your arms, likely to be remembered for a lifetime.

As you looked at the people in front of you, you realised why singers loved touring so much. The adrenalin that filled your body before now had turned into excitement and utter happiness as you heard all the people sing along with you. The words left your mouth without thinking and you interacted with Sirius as if you had been doing so your entire life. His grey eyes were what you were focused mostly on as you sang the words of the chorus together, your voices synchronising in a way no one had ever heard before.

‘Don’t rush

I will wait for you

Take time

Leave your love behind’

You smiled at Sirius and he smiled back at you, the first honest and happy smile you had gotten from him and you were enchanted. All his smiles had been smirks and sarcastic grins till now, but this was a sight that was just as impressing as everything that was happening around you. And as Sirius took over and his smile disappeared as he sang further, you realised that you would anything to just see that smile again.

‘So just take your time

Cause I’ll wait for you’

The last notes sounded through the stadium. Sirius took you in his arms and lifted you off the ground as he spun you around. You laughed relieved and excitedly and pressed a kiss on Sirius’ cheek when he put you back down again. The audience screamed like it was the end of their life and you felt like crying, so happy.

- - - - - -

The sunlight was shining through the curtains in front of the windows. It was still early in the morning. Early meaning 6.30 AM.

The alarm on your phone woke you from your sleep. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes and searched with your hand for the phone on your nightstand. Your hand passed various objects before it found the phone. With a sigh you turned off the alarm and plummeted back in your pillow.

The high of last night still hadn’t fully disappeared and when you thought about it, you still got butterflies in your stomach. It was surreal to you to see the thousands of people in that concert hall, all singing along to a song that you had helped writing, that you were singing.

And maybe the high would have stayed all day, if you didn’t have to get up so early in the morning. But you would not complain. You were on tour with a world famous band. This was your dream and if that meant getting little sleep and early mornings, then so be it.

An interview had been planned for eight o’clock, but you had to be there at least twenty minutes earlier. Another sigh escaped your mouth as you got up from your bed and stumbled to the bathroom.

Surprisingly, you didn’t even look so bad for so little sleep. The bags under your eyes were not even that dark and though your hair was a big mess, you looked like you had at least a six hour sleep. Which you hadn’t.

After the show, the boys and you had had a little party with the crew to celebrate the first show. It had been fun to learn everyone better. You had talked to Lily, the manager’s assistant and the girl James had a crush on. She was really nice to you and you hit it off well. You laughed with her at James’ lame attempts to ask her out, what made James a little annoyed as he was sitting close to you and listening to your conversation.

The hot water of your shower relaxed your muscles. You let the warm water stream over your face, the drops rolling over your cheeks and nose. You washed your hair and when you breathed in the scent of your shampoo that was spreading in steam through the whole bathroom, you were in a different world for a moment.

You were so deeply concentrated that you didn’t hear someone entering your room, until the person knocked on your door and you were startled from your daydream.

‘Who’s there?’ you asked loudly, making your voice clear over the running water.

‘Sirius,’ the answer was.

‘Hold on a minute!’ you yelled and finished your shower.

As the water was turned off a silence filled the bathroom. You reached for your towel and dried your body as quickly as you could. You turned around to take your clothes and then you realised that you had left them in the bedroom, since you had not expected any company so early in the morning.

Cursing under your breath you wrapped the towel around your body and brushed your hair so it looked at least a little presentable. You unlocked the bathroom door and barefooted you walked to your bed, where Sirius was sitting, playing with the remote of the television.

You tried to ignore the blush on your face as you made your way over to your suitcase and took your clothes out of it, your back to Sirius. You could feel his gaze on your body as you bowed forward to grab a shirt.

‘What’s up?’ you asked, killing the awkward silence.

‘I was wondering if you were awake yet,’ Sirius answered and he quickly averted his eyes when you turned back around.

‘I was,’ you said and you smiled at Sirius. You walked back to the bathroom to get dressed, but let the door open so you could talk to Sirius.

‘So how’d you sleep?’ Sirius asked, his voice echoing on the tiles of the room you were in.

‘Fine, little, but good,’ you mumbled.

You informed after Sirius’ sleep and after that a silence fell over the two of you. You were doing your make-up in the mirror, not having your shirt on yet in case you’d drop your mascara, which unfortunately happened more often than you liked, while you listened to the news anchor talking about a robbery in a local supermarket.

The silence was broken by your phone that had started to ring. Your hand flinched at the sudden sound and the brush of your mascara shot up against your skin, making a big black stain below your eyebrow. You quickly grabbed a towel and cleaned the black make-up from your face as the phone kept on ringing.

‘It’s yours…’ Sirius said from the bedroom.

‘Gimme,’ you muttered, lowering the towel from your head. You left the bathroom and walked to where Sirius was sitting with your phone in his hand. Immediately you recognised Tiffany’s picture on the screen and you smiled to yourself. You took the phone from Sirius and raised your eyebrow at him as he was staring at you. It was only then you realised that you were wearing nothing but a bra and pants. You scoffed and pushed Sirius back on the bed, making him flash his smirk at you. You rolled your eyes and answered your phone.

‘Y/N, YOU’RE ALL OVER THE INTERNET!’ Tiffany screamed through the phone. ‘HAVE YOU SEEN IT YET? I’M SURE YOU HAVE! YOU NEED TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!’

You chuckled at your friend’s enthusiastic voice, that was so loud Sirius probably had heard it too. ‘Tiff, Tiff, relax please,’ you eased her. ‘Listen, I have to get ready, so I’ll give you to Sirius for five minutes, alright?’

‘y/n, don’t you dare-’ Tiffany started, but you had already given the phone to Sirius, who had his mouth open when he got the phone from you. You gave him a smile and disappeared in the bathroom again.

Continuing with your make-up, you listened to Sirius talking to Tiffany, who was probably going to kill you when you got back home. You couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but Sirius laughed a few times and by his words the conversation seemed to flow quite easily.

Once you were totally dressed, you got back to the bed and sat down next to Sirius who quickly gave your phone back.

‘Love, it’s me again,’ you said and Tiffany sighed relieved.

‘y/n, I swear, the next time I see you…’

You laughed, while you put on your shoes. Catching Tiffany up with what had happened last night, you walked with Sirius to breakfast.

‘Your friend’s a handful,’ Sirius said after you had hung up on Tiffany.

‘She is, but she’s wonderful and has been nothing but supportive ever since I met her. I couldn’t wish for a better friend,’ you said as you stepped into the hall where they served breakfast. You sat down next to James, who was already sitting there with Remus.

Sirius sat down next to you and poured you coffee from the can that stood on the table. ‘I’ve got to say, I am a little disappointed you decided to put on a shirt, darling,’ Sirius grinned and next to you James choked on his orange juice.

‘Excuse me?’ he coughed.

You patted him on his back and shook your head. ‘Nothing, Sirius just can’t get the picture of me in my bra out of his head.’

‘I don’t think anyone ever could, dear.’

‘Sirius, please,’ Remus said. ‘It’s breakfast. Save your jokes for later.’

‘And how is it a joke, Rem?’ Sirius asked looking at his friend over his cup.

- - - - - -

‘Welcome back to Sirius XM, where we are currently joined by no one less than The Marauders and y/n, who is joining the band on their tour! Their new song Don’t rush, is out since a month and last night was the first show, kicking off The Marauders’ world tour. We have all five of them in our studio!’

The two radio hosts, whom you had learned were Raj and Marshall, sat on the other side of the table. You sat on the far left with Remus next to you. Since the studio wasn’t exactly built for five guests, you and Remus had to share a microphone, just as Sirius and James had to. The only difference was that you and Remus were both mature enough to let each other talk, while Sirius and James kept pushing the mic in the other’s nose.

‘Peter, starting with you. Are you excited for this tour? Any cities you are looking forward to visit?’ Marshall asked.

‘I am really excited for tour, yes. This album is something we worked really hard on and I think I speak for all of us when I say that this might be the best we have written so far,’ Peter answered, a smile spreading on his face as he talked about the album. ‘That being said, I am looking forward to every city we will visit. Every show is special and every crowd is awesome.’

‘Remus, Peter says this album is your best yet. Care to weigh in?’

‘I agree with Pete. We poured our heart and soul into this album and I really love how it turned out in the end. This music is different than our previous albums, but I think that doesn’t make it any less better. These songs are more about ourselves, about our insecurities and fears, but also about our happy moments.’

‘It’s our up and downs,’ James chimed in and Remus nodded.

‘Yes. And I think that is the beauty of it. It has something that everyone recognises. Nobody’s life is perfect and nobody lives on “ups” alone. We wanted to create something that shows that’s it’s okay to feel down or scared. It is okay to be insecure, because everyone is,’ Remus said and the other three boys nodded.

‘y/n,’ Raj said. ‘As a listener of the album, someone who didn’t know the thought behind the album, did you feel the same way when you listened to it?’

‘I did,’ you answered. ‘I first listened to the album alone at midnight, when it was released, and I am not ashamed to say that it definitely brought me to tears. I really think the guys got the message across.’

Remus nudged you thankfully and you smiled at him, as Raj asked Sirius and James about a particular song. You listened with interest and smiled at the passion that the men had as they talked about their music.

‘And then y/n came into the picture, working with you on Don’t rush, which is a banger by the way. y/n, how was it working with the band?’ Raj asked.

‘It was all very new to me. I am used to writing songs on my own and now there were suddenly a lot of people around me. But it was an experience I will never forget.’

‘Did you have a lot of influence on the song?’

‘I think we all equally contributed to the song. The meaning behind it is definitely one that I recognise. We all tend to rush into the things that seem exciting and in doing so we often forget the way we get there. It is important to take your time and I think the song described that perfectly.’

‘James, how was working with her? What was she like?’

‘She was such a good person, not like us,’ James grinned and Sirius sniffed. ‘It was refreshing to work with y/n. She took us all back to that feeling we had when we first started writing songs. I think in a way she has improved us all, because she made us stand still and look at how much we have accomplished already. Sometimes you forget to look at that when your life is so busy. I am forever thankful for the friendship I have built with her.’

‘You’re gonna make me cry here, James,’ you said and wiped away a tear from your eyes. Remus put his arm around you and placed a kiss on the side of your head, while the others chuckled at you.

‘Sirius and y/n, we have to talk about your performance last night,’ Marshall said and he looked at you and Sirius. ‘I assume you have seen the way social media exploded after last night’s show?’

You nodded and chuckled as you thought back of the reaction of your friends and family. Your brother had sent you a video of your parents watching your performance for the first time and their reaction warmed your heart. Your mother was jumping around and had waved her arms through the air and your father had stood watching the video with tears on his face.

‘Fans have been speculating all around and I hope I am not crossing any boundaries here, but I do have to ask,’ Raj said and he leaned forward over the desk. ‘Are you two together?’

A silence fell over the studio as you looked at Sirius. He smirked at you and you smiled as you shook your head. ‘No, were not,’ you said and Raj frowned.

‘Really? You seemed to have quite some chemistry on the stage.’

‘The art of music,’ Sirius shrugged. ‘It can make anyone believe anything.’

- - - - - -

At the next show you were more relaxed. Now the nervousness of the first show was gone, you had found that you quite enjoyed the adrenalin that was rushing through your veins right before you went on stage. And even better was the joy that filled you when you stood on the stage.

Singing the song with Sirius had something magical to it. It wasn’t just the crowds that screamed the lyrics along or the music that reached to your bones. No, the best part was the smile that Sirius wore when he looked at you. For a moment you forgot everything around you when Sirius flashed you that smile.

The band played show after show and travelled all through North America. The cities you passed were all greater than the other. You went to places you had always wanted to visit and met new people.

The other thing that was just as fun as singing on a big stage every night, was meeting all the fans. And not even The Marauders’ fans; you had even met people that were fan of just you. People asking for pictures with you, for your autograph, anything. It was a new experience for you, but you adored every one of them. It had thrown you off at first when someone told you that you had saved their life, but the band had taken you under their wings and had explained how to deal with such situations.

You were beyond thankful to have those four guys around you. You had learned so much from them and you knew that you would have never made it if it wasn’t for their help.

In the time you spent with the boys, preparing before the show, talking after, the interviews, sleeping on the tour bus together, you really got to know them. You learned so much about them in such a little time and you were sure that even after the tour you would stay friends with them. You teased each other continuously , but where the teases with Remus, James and Peter were all innocent, with Sirius there was always another layer to them. Always a smirk or a wink. Not that you minded; you liked the little jokes and innuendos.

And if you were completely frank with yourself, you just liked Sirius.

- - - - - -

It was long dark as you lied in the uncomfortable bed of the tour bus. You were glad to at least have a bed and not have to sleep on a couch or something, but you had to admit that sleeping was very hard on those things.

You stared at the empty ceiling that was way too close to your face for your liking and thought of what you had read earlier.

You had been warned before not to believe the things people on social media said, but that was easier said than done. How could you not let those hateful words get to you?

Though you had dealt with hate comments more, these had been worse than ever before. There were people saying that you couldn’t sing and that you were ugly and fat, but that was nothing new. The things that hurt you the most were the people that said you were just on tour with the guys because you were an easy lay. Someone even said that you were just there to help them blow off some steam.

A tear escaped your eye and rolled over your face to fall on your pillow. You sighed sadly and got up. You jerked away the curtains before your bed and stepped out of it, bumping your head in the process. You cursed something under your breath as you walked to the back of the bus, where there was place to sit.

‘Who hurt you?’ Sirius chuckled as you sat down sighing.

He was lying on the couch in his grey sweatpants and an old T-shirt with his headphones in. He had a smile on his mouth, but that changed when he saw how you were looking. He took of his headphones and threw his phone to the side.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked genuinely.

‘It’s nothing,’ you muttered, playing with the edge of your sweater sleeves. ‘Just stupid people that suggest I’m a slut.’

‘What?’ Sirius asked and he moved closer to you.

You took out your phone and showed him the tweets. Sirius cursed out loud when he read them and he threw your phone behind you on the couch. He took your hands and forced you to look at him.

‘Listen to me,’ he said, his voice low. ‘You are not a slut, okay? You are the most incredible woman I have ever met. You are magnificent, lovely, beautiful, intelligent, witty and you have the most beautiful voice. My dear, if I couldn’t hold you in my arms, I would believe you are an angel.’

You smiled through your tears and wrapped your arms around Sirius’ neck.

‘They are just pity, little, jealous people that have nothing better to do in their lives. I wish I could protect you from them, but there will be more. Will you just promise me one thing?’ Sirius asked and you pulled away from him. ‘Never listen to them. Never doubt yourself. If you weren’t a good singer I wouldn’t have asked for you to come to tour with us.’

‘You asked for that?’ you said surprised.

‘Uh, yeah,’ Sirius said and he suddenly became a little awkward. ‘I had such fun writing with you, and the guys too, and I could not stop working together with you after just one song. So I asked out manager if you could tour with us.’

You smiled thankfully at Sirius and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Thank you, Sirius. And I promise. If I’m good enough for Sirius Black to come to tour with him, I am good enough to not believe those haters.’

‘You’ll always be good enough for me, darling,’ Sirius said with a wink and he got his usual cocky smile back. ‘Even better, if I say so.’

He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you leant in to his chest. His cold fingers rested on your forearm and you felt a sparkle rushing through your body. You tried to ignore the little butterflies in your stomach, but the longer you sat with Sirius, the bigger they became.

‘I like having you here,’ Sirius said, his deep voice reaching to your bones.

‘You do?’

‘Yeah, you’re a refreshment from James’ lame jokes, Remus’ boring facts and whatever Peter tells. He’s not a great storyteller, that man.’

‘Well, I like being here,’ you said, turning a little so you could look at Sirius. His arms lowered and his hand rested on your hip as you leaned with your elbow on the back of the couch. You draped your legs over Sirius’ lap and played with his curls as you talked. ‘I do miss my family and friends though. Talking on the phone and face timing is not the same as actually being with them.’

‘I know, I hear the guys complain about that too.’

‘You not?’

‘No, I don’t talk to my family anymore.’

‘Oh,’ was all you said and you stopped twirling his black curls around your finger as you looked at him. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know.’

‘It’s alright,’ Sirius smiled at you. ‘I left home when I was seventeen, moved in with James, lived there for a while before I got my own place. I got the perfect tragic background for an artist.’

You chuckled sadly and reached for Sirius’ hair again. There was a silence that stretched out through the whole bus. You stared at the black hair in your hands while you tried to ignore Sirius’ gaze on you.

‘Thank you for telling me,’ you whispered as if breaking the silence was a crime. Sirius nodded and rested his head back into your hand. He closed his eyes as your nails scratched his skin. It was something you used to see your mother do to your father when he was upset and you did it to your brother when you were younger.

‘I should go back to bed,’ you said after a while and made effort to get off the couch.

‘Or you could stay here,’ Sirius said as he pulled you back against his chest, making you fall on top of him on the sofa. ‘Those beds suck. I am far more comfortable.’

The couch was deep enough for two people to lie next to each other and you settled close to Sirius, his chest against yours.

‘Well, I can’t disagree with that,’ you grinned as you buried your neck in his chest.

Sirius placed his arm over your waist and pulled you closer to him. You listened to his heartbeat and you quickly found yourself dozing off.

‘Goodnight, love,’ Sirius whispered, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘Goodnight, Sirius.’

- - - - - -

One benefit of touring with a band was that there was always someone around. If you wanted to play a game you could go to James, if you wanted to have a conversation you could go to Remus, for fun stories Peter was available and Sirius was always there if you needed a cuddle.

You appreciated the company but you were also glad if you had some time alone. And though that was hard as you woke up in a bus with the men, rehearsed, spent free time with them, then played a show with them and after that hung out with them until you fell asleep in the same bus, only for the cycle to start again the next day, there were some moments that you were alone. Like when you got coffee in the morning for everyone, while the boys were still asleep. Or if they decided to practice on the stage longer and you could sneak off to the back of the bus with a book. Those were little moments of peace that you found yourself enjoying more and more as the tour continued.

However, you were immensely grateful for all the fun moments you had with the band. You were basically living your lifelong dream right now and you’d be an idiot if you didn’t realise that. You got to see what it was like to have fans all around the world, to have people come up to you and ask for a photo, to be recognised in the streets. At first it had been a bit weird to you, but over the time you had learned how to handle such situations and how to say ‘no’.

Maybe that was the hardest part. Saying no. You knew that you had to set boundaries between personal and public life, but if someone came up to you, you were quick to take a photo with them or to talk to them. The guys taught you that it was important for yourself to sometimes just say no. Your fans had to respects your boundaries and if they didn’t then they couldn’t be called your fans.

- - - - - -

‘Ready for tonight?�� Peter asked as he sat down next to you and handed you a cup of tea.

‘Thank you. Yeah, I think I am. My family’s coming over, so I’m really excited,’ you answered.

This night, Tiffany, your brother and your parents were coming over to see your show. You had been talking to Tiffany over the phone for the past time and she was super enthusiastic to see the show. You had gotten them backstage-passes so they could see you before the show.

‘Are we gonna meet them?’ James asked, taking place on your other side.

‘Oh, you’re not going to get out of that,’ you chuckled. ‘Tiff is asking about you guys all the time.’

‘Tiff, eh? And what’s she like?’ Sirius asked as he pushed Peter aside to sit next to you. ‘Anything we might enjoy?’

There it was, that cheeky wink that made your stomach turn upside down. Combined with the smirk that seemed to be glued to his face.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ you said. ‘She’s pretty fond of Remus.’

You grinned back at him and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. A shiver ran down your spine as you felt your butterflies in your stomach. The blood rushed to your cheeks and you tried to play it cool by starting a conversation with Remus and James.

Sirius was listening to your conversation while his fingers drummed on your upper arm. He hummed a song and you felt the bass of his voice thrumming in your chest. He brought his head closer casually and his voice was closer to your ear. Subconsciously you placed your hand on his thigh and his humming stopped. He twisted his head to you and you looked up from your conversation with the others.

‘What?’ you asked when you saw Sirius was raising his eyebrow at you.

His eyes shifted to your hand and then back to your face. ‘Enjoying yourself?’

You gave his thigh a little squeeze and smiled. ‘Very much.’

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing left his mouth. A smirk formed on your face when you turned back to your conversation. James cocked his eyebrow at Sirius and you heard the latter sniff next to you.

The ringing of your phone caught your attention. You jumped up from the couch, Sirius’ hand falling off your shoulder and sliding along the curve of your body, and you reached for your phone on the other side of the dressing room.

Tiffany’s voice was yelling through the room as you answered your phone, telling you that she and your family had landed and were on the way to their hotel. ‘It’s so great here, honey! I can’t wait to see you! I am so- What do you want?! Och, just leave me alone for a second!’

You laughed at Tiffany’s angry words as you heard your brother’s voice in the back. You knew she had always had a thing for him. Every time he came over she always made sure she was at her best. You had teased her endlessly about it. She made dinner for him countless times and always gave him a little more than the other guests. She was always stealing glances at him and sitting next to him, their legs pressed together.

But you didn’t think your brother minded. He liked her just as much if not more. And you teased him with it too. But he was reluctant of his feelings. Though he seemed to flirt with Tiffany now, from what you could hear.

Lily, the assistant, knocked on the door and when it opened revealed her head. She, when she noticed you were on the phone, whispered something to the men on the other side of the room. Tiffany was still talking to you about how much she liked wherever she was right now and you let her ramble on, turning to the guys to ask what Lily said.

‘We have to leave in five minutes,’ Remus mumbled.

‘Tiff, I have to go, honey,’ you said, cutting off Tiffany’s speech. ‘Okay? I’ll talk to you later. Love you.’

- - - - - -

The crowd was making a lot of noise as they filled the hall. You stood backstage in the hallway of the dressing room, but you could still hear them. You could feel the nerves slowly rising in your body. This wouldn’t be a night any different from the other nights the past month, but yet you felt more nervous than normal.

Anxiously you paced up and down in front of the door of the dressing room, waiting for your family and Tiffany to arrive. Your brother had sent you a text, saying that they were at the venue but after that you hadn’t heard from him.

Maybe that was why you were nervous. You had never played for such a big crowd with your family there. They had been at many of your little shows, but never one this big. You knew they were proud of you and that they would like it, but you couldn’t stop the nerves.

‘Darling, calm down. What are you so nervous for?’ asked Sirius as he left the dressing room and found you walking up and down.

He lifted his arms and you buried your face in his chest, as he wrapped his hands around your waist. ‘I don’t know,’ you mumbled, hugging more tightly onto Sirius.

‘You’re a great singer, your family will love you, the fans love you, the band loves you,’ Sirius’ voice got to a whisper, ‘I love you.’

Maybe he thought that the crowds were so loud that you wouldn’t hear it. Maybe he thought that if he whispered you wouldn’t hear. Or maybe he wanted you to hear. You didn’t know what he thought, but you knew one thing.

You heard.

Your body froze for a second and you lifted your head from Sirius’ chest. You stared at him with big eyes and you were unable to answer. Unable to tell him that you loved him too. Because you loved him too. You had known for a while, but you were too scared to admit it to yourself.

Sirius stared back at you with questioning eyes. A tiny smile formed on your mouth but before you could say anything, you heard footsteps.

You let go of Sirius, your hands lingering on his body and your chest aching for letting him go, and at the same time your parents, brother and Tiffany came around the corner. Your friend launched herself at you and you caught her in your arms. She immediately started talking about how much she had missed you, how silent the house was without you and how all your other friends were jealous of you.

Tiffany was still talking while you hugged your brother, who looked at your roommate with a goofy smile. You pinched his cheek and stuck out your tongue at him before you whispered: ‘So are you together yet?’

Your brother immediately averted his eyes from Tiffany and stared at you. He scrunched his eyebrows together at you and hit you playfully on the head. ‘Are you together with Mr. Singer yet?’

Your happy smile disappeared for a second as you were reminded of the moment that was just interrupted. But your grin came back quickly and you laughed at your brother. ‘Hm, I think I have made more progress than you,’ you said mysteriously and you winked before you stepped to your parents.

‘Oh, princess!’ your mother exclaimed and she engulfed you in her tight embrace. ‘Your father and I are so proud of you! We have seen ever video of every show!’

You hugged your father and he pressed a kiss to the side of your head. ‘Good job, angel,’ your father said and your eyes watered up as you saw the tears in his.

‘And dare I say, you have quite the chemistry with that long haired man!’ your mother giggled. You looked over your shoulder at Sirius, who was occupied with Tiffany talking to him. He looked as distressed as when he first talked to Tiffany at your first night in New York. He caught your gaze and you waved at him before turning back to your parents. Your mother had a smug smile on her face and your father was looking over your shoulder at Sirius, with furrowed eyebrows.

‘Yes, Sirius has proven to be an absolute gentleman,’ you said, pulling your father from staring at Sirius. ‘You should meet the others too! Everyone is so nice!’

You saved Sirius from Tiffany, who seemed could not stop talking, and pulled your friend with you to the dressing room.

‘You have to tell me everything about you and my brother tonight,’ you whispered at her, while everyone else followed you. ‘And don’t tell me nothing has happened!’ you said when you saw her opening her mouth. ‘I know him and the way he looks at you tells me something has happened!’

Your family meeting The Marauders was as if your two families met. Your father immediately was drawn to Peter, your mother fussed over James, who was quickly saved by your brother and Tiffany sat down next to Remus. You winked at him and then raised your eyebrows at Tiffany and he burst out into laughter.

You sat down on the chair furthest away from everyone and watched the scene happily, though a little embarrassed at the way your family acted. The nerves that you had felt a while ago had gone and you were excited to play the show tonight.

After a while, James sat down next to you, after he was released from your mother’s conversation. He handed you a beer and you greedily accepted it. Maybe inviting your parents and your brother and Tiffany at the same time wasn’t such a good idea after all.

‘Where’s Sirius?’ James asked you.

Sirius hadn’t joined you and your family in the dressing room and you feared you had messed up by not answering to his confession. You wanted to look for him, but you knew all hell would break loose if you left your family alone.

‘I don’t know,’ you said, taking a sip from the bottle. ‘I was talking with him, but we were interrupted by these idiots.’ You gesture at your father who is doing a little weird dance in the middle of the room.

It wasn’t unusual for you to see this side of your parents, but you had hoped they would not show it in front of people whom they had never met. You knew they were crazy, but no one else needed to know.

‘Oh, well,’ James said nonchalant. ‘I am sure he’ll come back soon.’

- - - - - -

But Sirius didn’t. The next time you saw him was long after your family had been brought to their places and right before he was about to go on stage. In the dark you could see his silhouette contrasting with the lights from the stage. He was fumbling the microphone in his hands, as you had learned he only did when he was nervous.

You walked over to him and placed your hand on his shoulder. ‘Hey,’ you said softly. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ he snapped back and you removed your hand from his body.

‘Sorry,’ you mumbled. ‘I know we never got to finish our conversation, but I just-’

‘Twenty seconds!’ the stage manager yelled, interrupting you.

‘I’ll see you there, right?’ Sirius asked, his voice cold and distant. ‘Just… do what you always do.’

Sirius stepped away from you to the stairs and you watched his figure with tears in your eyes as he climbed the stage with the rest of the band. James looked back at you and pointed at Sirius before ticking the side of his head. You chuckled through the tears and blew James a kiss before he disappeared into the bright lights.

Watching the men perform was still so inspiring to you. The passion that they had was something that you hoped to achieve some day yourself. They didn’t just make music, they made magic. You would never get tired of watching it.

‘Now I think it is time we bring out the person who is an immense support to us and who you all love. And if you don’t, well, then just cover your ears or something… Here’s y/n!’ James shouted and the audience screamed as you walked on stage.

You stood next to Sirius and for the first time since the tour started you felt like you were back at the first show again. All the insecurities came back to you in a wave and you felt a little dizzy. You grabbed Sirius’ arm for balance and he looked quickly at you, before averting his eyes again.

You knew that his was the only way to reach him. Through music, through his lyrics. If he didn’t want to talk with you, then fine. But you knew that he would listen to you if you sang to him.

So you sang the song with all the passion and love that you had in your body.

‘Won’t you please just look at me?

And listen to my heart

As I tell you all the stories

To never be apart

If this is what you’re feeling

Then tell me one more time

Will you take my heart along

And leave this all behind?’

Sirius looked at you, like he had done all those nights before, but something in his face was different. You smiled at him and put out your hand for him to take. He looked from your hand to your face and then the biggest smile you had seen all tour appeared on his face as he took your hand in his and squeezed it a little.

‘Don’t rush

I will wait for you

Take time

Leave your love behind’

A tear slid down your cheek as you looked at the big crowd in front of you that was singing along every word that left your mouth. The flashlights of phones waved through the air as in one movement.

‘Love, don’t break my heart again

Just push it to the side

I will still be waiting here

So you just take your time’

Sirius wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him. You both stopped singing for a minute and listened to the audience as they sang from the top of their longs. Even the band stopped playing and all that could be heard were the thousands of voices from the fans.

Pressing a kiss to the side of your head, Sirius whispered: ‘I love you, darling.’

You looked at him and smiled, while he wiped away the tears on your cheek. ‘I love you too.’

‘So know that I will love you still

Even if you take so long

Leave this place but come back please

For you are everything to me’

The last melodies of the song started and you intertwined your fingers with Sirius’ as you poured all your feelings into the last words.

‘So just take your time

Cause I’ll wait for you’

----------

Taglists

Sirius Black @treestarrrrrrrr @bumbelbeeesblog @with1love1anu @transparentttttttttt @sirius-satellite @cheoco @malikinglove @alwaysinmydaydreams @eateraa @bi-andready-tocry @fangirlofbooksandpasta @littlemissgothgirl @always394patronus @heavenly-ascended-melodies @mrs-moony @coldlilheart @fific7 @april-showers-and-flowers @susceptible-but-siriusexual

Marauders @secretsthathauntus @ronniethelost @sognatrice-as-a-hobby @hxrgreeves @wecouldbreakthedistance @valentina-007

General HP @kitkatkl @girllety @yuptha-tsme @sleep-i-ness @iamak20 @thefuturelawyer @weasleydream @missmulti @deafgirltingz @moonstarrnghtsky @bloodblossom73 @mytreec @lilulo-12fanfiction @emmaloo21 @kashishwrites @ananad1 @figlia--della--luna @kylosleftbuttcheek @mrs-malfoy-always @obsessedwithrandomthings @thefandomplace @magicwithaknife

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MASTERLIST

#haraces1kchallenge #sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius x reader #marauders x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter #james potter x reader #remus lupin x reader #peter pettigrew x reader #sirius black fanfiction #marauders fanfiction

460 notes · View notes

mariekavanagh · 4 years ago

Note

Re your post about the new Harry Potter series, considering you're such a Sirius Black fan would you not want a Marauders series?

lol nope.

You'd think I would want this, and I'm aware that there are many many people who do want a "Marauders" era prequel. But there are many reasons as to why it wouldn't work. Here are some.

This fandom is hella divisive and argumentative at the best of times. This can be a good thing, don't get me wrong. Different opinions are a good thing. But so often this fandom fails to discuss them respectfully, often resorting to just insulting the other side or shouting insults. The fandom surrounding MWPP has so many sides with people very devoted to their side - whichever side a potential TV show decides to portray, there will only be a small amount of the fandom satisfied by it.

Now lets get into the more detailed issues with a MWPP series.

1) James Potter vs Severus Snape.

If we end up with a show that outright depicts James + his friends bullying Snape (or other students), we'll have an argument about whether or not Snape deserved it, whether it's bias against Snape, MWPP fans complaining about showing their shady side, and arguments on posts that I can already see myself hastily scrolling past in which both sides are shouting at each other over who is right. It's exhausting enough already, without an official on-screen depiction to squabble over.

2) Wolfstar

Ships are great. Ships are fine. Ship who you want. You have that freedom. But there are people who like to declare their ship as canon simply because they like it so much or because there is a slither of canon "evidence". Wolfstar is one of those ships. If a prospective TV show decides to stick with canon and not confirm wolfstar, or worst still, give either character a potential love interest other than each other, there will be uproar from some areas of the wolfstar ship. Likewise, if they do push the boat out and decide to go for wolfstar, or perhaps just hint at it, there will be uproar from the anti-wolfstar community. Once again, it just comes down to the fact that this fandom so often fails to have a polite debate or conversation.

3) Casting

The lack of official on-screen material on the MWPP era means that there is a lot of fancasting for characters from that era. Which is a good thing! I do it myself, sometimes. It's a great feeling when you find an actor/person and think "Omg it's *insert name here*!" There are some very popular fancasts for the MWPP characters (Off the top of my head, Ben Barnes for Sirius, Andrew Garfield for Remus, Timothee Chalamet for Regulus and that other guy who is always shown as James in the same group whose name I cannot remember), but the reality is that these actors are extremely unlikely to be cast in these roles in any official movie/series. Aside from the people in charge perhaps just not seeing them as the right fit, the images and clips that people use for these actors as their characters are from films that are about a decade old. The actors are not young 20-somethings who can get away with playing teenagers anymore. This is perfectly logical, but I can already see it fuelling criticism about whoever is cast in the roles that fans are so loyal to seeing their fancasts playing. Endless "This actor isn't right, THIS actor should have been cast instead!" posts incoming.

4) Abusive Blacks

Oh boy. The cherry on the cake. You all know how much I dislike the headcanon that Sirius's parents were physically abusive towards him. That's just my persona preference. If a potential show or film decided to roll with this angle then I would not be the biggest fan for sure, but oh well. But this is just yet another example of an area of the MWPP fandom which is so divisive. If they show the Blacks as beating Sirius or cursing him til he's almost dead, then there will be people in favour and people against. Likewise if they don't show this, there will be people either saying this is a good thing or saying they're "going against canon" (abusive Blacks isn't canon, deal with it). Posts on the matter will quickly dissolve into name calling and shouts of "abuse apologist". Fun times.

5) Peter

I personally have a bit of a thing about people who deliberately erase Peter from works on MWPP. Yes he turned out to be a traitor and a bad guy, but you can't deny he was there all together. He was there, he was their friend, and he was very much a part of the story. But that's just me. Ultimately, Peter's divisiveness means that any characterisation in any prequel movie/series will surely be judged harshly depending on how people choose to view him, regardless of canon. The writers will have a nightmare of a time trying to satisfy an audience which all share very differing opinions as to how a younger Peter should be portrayed on screen. I would not envy their task of trying to get the balance right.

In summary, there are so many reasons as to why a MWPP would just be far too divisive to be successful, in my view. Too many topics that the fandom can never agree over, too much potential for outcries of "This angle/actor/storyline is wrong", "The writers are being disloyal to canon", "This is basically canon why are you refusing to acknowledge it?", the list goes on. I feel like any potential enjoyment to be gained from a show would ultimately be tainted by how much arguing every little aspect would trigger. And for that reason, I feel like we never will get any official on-screen prequel from this era. What production company/producer/writer/actor/literally anyone involved would want to take on such a project?

*drops mic* *sips tea* *stands up* *leaves room* *closes door*

#harry potter #MWPP #harry potter prequel #not tagging characters to avoid too much backlash #because that's the sort of fandom this is #responses welcome however

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iceywrites · 4 years ago

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Something about your voice (Reader X Sirius Black)

Pairing: Reader x Sirius Black Words: 3.4K Chapters: 1/? If you want to read it on AO3, click here

A/N: This is my first ever piece of fanfiction (any sort of it). If you have ANY suggestions, please feel free to share. Constructive criticism is appreciated. That’s it! You can scroll down now.

***

The crowd cheered as their performance ended. James pointed his hands to the sky, then lowered them in an exaggerated bow while Sirius leaned forward from the edge of the stage and shook the hands of their fans. Remus started pulling out the wires from his microphone and other instruments that they had used in their concert; he just wasn’t the crowd person. Peter stood up from his seat where he was playing the drums and came into the spotlight, trying to make eye contact with everyone of thousands of people who had gathered to hear them sing. It was a wonderful night since it was last one from their world tour.

“Marauders! Marauders!” The crowd cheered for anyone of the four of them to say the magic words.

Sirius smiled a goofy grin. That was his favorite part of the performance. With his electric guitar still carefully balanced upside down on his back along the strap, he went behind a mic stand and removed it from its holder.

“Before we leave,” he paused for dramatic effect, “I solemnly swear,” he positioned turned the mic towards the crowd.

“I’m up to no good.” The crowd completed. The four of them – The Marauders, if you please – stood shoulders to shoulder, giving a final bow to express their gratitude towards the crowd and with that the lights went out. Even Remus smiled when he looked up at the crowds one last time before they left.

They made their way towards the backstage where they were supposed to have a small meet and greet session with about fifty of their fans who were randomly chosen from a crowd of thousands.

They spent about two more hours there with Sirius telling each and every one of them how thankful he was to see them at the tour. Remus was a tad bit more comfortable when there were lesser people. James was casually joking around with them as if they were friends. Peter usually busied himself with selfies and autographs, giving them a specialized souvenir.

When they were done, the boys resorted to the couch to update their social media feeds with their performance that night. Lily, their agent, came in with a bright smile on her face and not-so-unexpectedly, James looked at her as if she was the meaning of his life, which she probably was. Sirius sighed but smiled. There was no stopping to James pinning over Lily.

“Guys, this was a great show.” She smiled, this time more calculative in character like the agent she was. “We definitely have more profits this year.” She looked at them, her eyes turning soft again. “You did it.”

It was their second album, but they had already made the impression that made every singer in the industry know that they were there to stay. They had a dedicated fan base who supported their decisions without question.

It wasn’t easy to build the band. James was the founder of The Marauders. It was his idea to bring together his mates from their music school to build a band. James’ parents, the Potters, were supportive of his decision. Even though both of them were widely known directors, they didn’t mind their son diverging from their field of art.

But that, however, wasn’t the case with Sirius. The Blacks, just like the Potters, were famous directors only because of their scandals. Each and every member of his family was either an actor or a producer or something in that line of art. Sirius just couldn’t. He could always express himself better when he was singing or playing some instrument. When Sirius rebelled, they threatened him saying that he would be disowned. And so they did. Ever since then, Sirius lived with the Potters.

Remus and Peter were from normal families. They had no celebrity in their hereditary and therefore it was understandable that they were apprehensive.

Remus was the last one to join. He had scars on his body that everyone would claim as ugly and there would never be a day when it would be normal for him. He had been severely bullied when he was younger. It was so bad that he had to get stitches on several places on his body. Then he changed his school and found the biggest goofs he had ever met - James, Sirius and Peter – and life just changed its course.

Remus wanted to join the band, he really wanted. But he just couldn’t convince himself enough that he would be able to handle the negative intensity that would be thrown at him. He would spend nights, tossing and turning around telling himself that he should trust himself and his friends. Every day, those goofs would make leave him little notes like – they are a part of your body and every bit of it is beautiful – or something along the lines of you would create a new scar every time you fight with them. Remus had to admit that they were breaking his resolve. It took him time to understand why exactly was he so needed in that band. It was because the four of them were unbreakable and they hoped to continue it that way.

Sirius had proposed the idea of them having a sort of hieroglyph-ish symbol for each and every one of them. The symbols would tell their listeners about their character and add an element of mystery to their art.

The band was deciding their symbols. James took a stag, Sirius chose a dog and Peter selected a rat. Remus slowly whispered that he would like to be a wolf.

James gave him a toothed grin and said, “Welcome aboard, Moony.” And in that moment Remus understood that they were going to have nicknames too.

Lily told them that they could have a success party but somewhere private where they could be assured that no one was watching them. No one at all. At least not the media. Definitely not the media.

James asked her to join them at the pub they were going where they could have some discretion. She politely refused telling them that it was their success and for once she didn’t want to be a part of it.

Considering them, they got caught pretty easily. Remus had warned them that that place was very crowded and they should definitely not use their Porsche to go to the club and Sirius should definitely not where that jacket which said This is Sirius Motherfucking Black in all possible shades of glitter (which was his patent jacket that he wore at least once to every concert). James waved him off by saying that he was just being paranoid and nothing bad could happen that day. Remus sighed. It would be interesting seeing them face the consequences.

The media was on their heels before they even knew it. This time it was Peter who saw it.

“Mates, that guy right there with the camera has been staring at us for a solid hour.” He whispered.

The three of them slowly turned their head in horror at the man with the camera.

“Lily is going to kill us.” James gulped and Sirius hummed in response.

“I told you – “Remus started but was cut off by a panicked James who was desperately trying to push everyone out of that place.

The cameraman took his clue and started imitating their motions. Sirius eagerly looked over his shoulder to find the man and other such people tailing them.

“We are dead, guys. Lily is going to stab us with her stilettoes.” Sirius said while springing into a run. They had made the very dumb decision of – one - going to the same pub that they had been to a million times before – two – asking their bodyguards and driver to leave because their mansion was close by and they wanted to walk their way home – and three – they were heading to a direction away from their home.

“Why don’t we have alleys here?” Peter asked midst their run.

Remus looked back. They were still chasing them with the cameras and had probably clicked some pictures too.

“Okay, we’re going split. Peter and I are going left and you guys run straight.” They followed him without question because he was the only one who had brain cells among them four.

It worked. The media was totally confused in choosing a more profitable direction. And by the time they decided to split too, The Marauders had found a place to hide. Peter and Remus rushed in a hardware store, which was their only hope considering that most of the stores were shut off in that ungodly hour. James and Sirius found an old and worn out café and rushed in with the logic that the media wouldn’t associate them with a place like that.

You were busy working on your laptop and twirling your pencil. You just really had to complete your project soon as the deadline was rushing close. Your legs were crossed on the table and you balanced your laptop on your lap. You pinched the bridge of your nose and trimmed the video that you were working on, adding filters wherever needed, cropping out unnecessary details and highlighting the moments that were supposed to be important. It was almost done. The music video was meeting your expectations. You made sure that you had completed all tasks that you had made a note of when you were presenting at the site as an assistant director.

You shut your laptop and decided to take a break. You got up from your seat and stretched around a bit. It was 1 AM, so you were obviously caught off guard when two people walked in. And, what was more shocking that they were the bassist and acoustic guitarist of your favorite band, The Marauders. Wow! You stared at them as if you had just met the angels. Your gaze moved from Sirius to James and back again to Sirius.

James looked at your form staring at them and gave you a startled look. Sirius followed his gaze to you and for a moment he forgot that he was supposed to be scared of the fact that you could pretty much blow their cover. How could he be scared? Your eyes were hypnotizing him and he wasn’t against it.

James’ voice brought you and Sirius out of your trance. “Could you help us? Just please don’t tell them that we’re here. Please!”

You smiled. “Hiding from the media, huh?” Sirius could have sworn that he had never heard a voice as angelic as yours.

You walked out of your café and pretended to appear busy. From your peripheral vision, you could see some men with cameras heading towards your direction.

“Have you seen anyone of the Marauders come around here?” A man with a rather gruff voice asked.

“They’re here? Where?” You asked in a squeal. “You have to tell me.”

“Forget I asked.” He said quickly before walking away back to where they came from.

“No! Tell me! Where can I find them?” You pestered as they hurriedly got away from your vision. You waited outside for a few more moments to check if they were heading back. When the coast was clear, you walked inside. Sirius was patiently waiting for your arrival while James’ was in a more panicked state.

“They are gone. You can go, if you want to.” You informed them and James let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you so much. You’re our savior.” You chuckled and waved it off. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and resumed your editing.

James got up from his seat and started leaving. Sirius was reluctant to leave. He wanted to stay and know more about the stranger that his eyes had caught.

“James, let’s just wait for a while more to be sure that they aren’t coming back around here.” Sirius logically pointed out, buying himself time.

James nodded in agreement and decided to call Remus and Peter to that café as well.

In about fifteen minutes, each one of the Marauders had huddled themselves in the safe cocoon of your café. Remus and Peter seemed a bit apprehensive seeing you there but Sirius decided to tell the valiant story of how you saved them adding his own dramatization. You giggled quietly to yourself when you would know that Sirius was adding extra details and James was shaking his head.

When you were done, you saved your work and looked at the boys. “While you are here, would you like something? I’m sorry I can’t make anything fancy, so please be considerate. Also, I have couple beers with me, so if you want em…?”

Everyone looked a bit hesitant. Everyone except Sirius. He looked like an enthusiastic puppy who was eagerly waiting for his master to toss him something to fetch. Sirius nodded and you tossed a butter beer in his direction. James and Peter joined and you carried the carton along with you for extras. Remus looked hesitant.

“Come on Remus, I can’t poison a canned drink.” You joked and tossed him a can. He gave you a small smile.

You looked around to grab a seat. Sirius slid in, squishing James towards the wall but making space for you. James glared at Sirius but he just looked at you expectantly. You smiled and obliged.

The proximity of having Sirius in your personal space made a deep red blush creep up your neck. You tucked a loose strand behind your ear and bit your lip in hopes to calm your hyped up heartbeat. You decided you start a conversation to distract yourself from your feelings.

“Your performance was great tonight.” You started.

“You were there?” Peter asked.

“No, just saw some videos of people who did go.” You took a sip and continued. “But I was there during your Australia tour. It was phenomenal.” You pointed your can towards Remus. “Your fingers run on those keys as if that is the only religion they know.” Remus bashed away and muttered a thanks.

“What about me?” Sirius asked and James decided to slurp onto his beer a bit loudly. Sirius slipped his drink, fixing his eyes on you.

You looked in some arbitrary direction and drowned yourself in the memories of the concert.

You were standing close to the stage. It was the last song and the crowds were going crazy. You were surrounded by a harmony of screams. In all those voices, you couldn’t even hear yourself. There was a silence among the four of them. Everybody had braced themselves for whatever was to come. The crowd started chanting Marauders like a mantra. And to satisfy everyone’s desires, a spotlight shined on Sirius and he smiled at each breathing soul in that arena. There was something mischievous about that smile but it was subtle enough to not look devious. He was going to open the song with his guitar. His fingers lingered over the strings, playing each chord ever so slowly. And then, his eyes met yours and you felt as if he was going to sing that only for you, like no one else mattered in that moment. You felt your breath being taken away. He winked at you and you swore that your soul had left for afterlife. His fingers went wild on the guitar, resonating its sound in the stadium, making it the most prominent sound over the several thousand screams. Sirius moved his eyes to the next person and you felt yourself come back to your senses. You were feeling dizzy. You shook your head and palmed your forehead, never once letting your smile fade.

Soon James, Remus and Peter came in the spotlight and they commenced their song. You banged your head to every beat and living them as if they were oxygen.

“When you play that guitar,” you said pulling yourself out of your thoughts but not completely, “it feels like the world it only confined to you and your guitar. Like that guitar is your secret language - almost like a mirror - to your inner self. And when you sing, oh God, it’s like everything moving stopped to hear your voice for it is too precious to be missed. I won’t call it an angelic voice, because I don’t know how they sound, but when I hear your voice, everything feels alright. I am in this comfort place where I know that no one can hurt me. Your voice is like therapy to me.” You turned to meet Sirius’ eyes.

Sirius had never heard someone describe him like that. He felt himself loosening up and forgetting there were people around him. It was not the liquor, he was sure. He was just drowning in your words; not because they were about him, but because they were so genuine and pure. There was no want in them. It was just sincere appreciation for his art. Peter and James coughed at the same to bring you both out of your trance. You were suddenly made aware of the people around you. You looked away and cursed yourself for not having a filter. It was obvious that they thought you were a creep and you helped them plant that assumption in their mind.

Sirius eyed each one of his friends, questioning their existence. Remus gulped down his drink to stifle his laughter. James and Peter visibly wiggled their eyebrows suggestively and Sirius only hoped that he could throw all of them away to get a nice moment with you.

James coughed and changed the topic. “And what do you think about me?” He asked, placing his head on his hands and looking at you with faux dreaminess in his eyes.

You shrugged. “Um, well, you sing… good?” James dramatically put a hand on his chest claiming that you wounded him and you felt the need to clarify that you were kidding even though you knew that both him and Sirius were known for being over dramatic.

You didn’t realize how time flew away as you talked to a grey eyed idol and his band mates. You loved how he was so very down to earth when he talked to you. You adored his passion for his art. You admired the way his eyes would crinkle and he would throw his head back when he found a joke particularly funny. You liked when he would look in some arbitrary direction and talk about all the gifts he had received from his fans and how he had a place specially dedicated for those articles.

Over the time, you had learnt to admire the man from his interviews, his voice, his presence, his skills, his looks, his dedication, his passion, his story and whatnot. But now that he was actually sitting beside you, talking to you as if you weren’t a stranger; everything felt… surreal. You had learnt to trust this man and support him no matter what and now that he was interacting with you, you knew that he was real and he had never faked anything.

So, really, it wasn’t your fault that you fell for this grey eyed, long haired Sirius Black.

Sirius wasn’t really far from the page you were on. When he first saw you, he was attracted to the elegance of your form. But when he spent a little more time with you, he realized that there was more than just the outward beauty that he saw. There was more depth and meaning to you and for some absurd reason, he wanted to know it. He wanted to know everything about you. Everything that his brain could contain and more.

What could he say, the mysterious (E/C) eyed beauty just had that captivating aura.

Remus, being the only rational mind among the dorks, suggested – no commanded – that it was past one and they could go home now considering that the media would have gone back a long while back.

They started moving out, thanking you for saving them and sharing your beers. You smiled and told them that they could come around anytime they wanted.

“I open up the café at night only. So, it is pretty safe for you guys.” You said with a friendly chuckle.

When the rest of them had walked a little on the way to their home, Sirius ran back to the café to find you packing up your things.

“I almost forgot,” he said in between his panting, “what is your name?”

You felt a soft blush creeping up on your neck. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and whispered in a soft voice, “(Y/N)”.

Sirius’ lips stretched into a smile as he commented, “Beautiful.”

#harry potter #hp #the marauders #the marauders era #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #lily evans #sirius x reader #sirius/reader #sirius #remus #james #peter #sirius imagine #i don't know what else to tag #have fun?

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littlejeanniebean · 4 years ago

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Hey lovely, I wanted to ask you about Up To No Good, a few questions! 1. Is James a big Wolfstar fan and/or does he feel a bit left out? 2. What are their thoughts about Peter now? Do they hate him, feel sorry for him, feel sad, not think about him?!?! 3. Who do you think is the creative force behind the band? 4. What gave you the idea of Remus playing bass, and why is this so incredibly perfect for him?

@blitheringmcgonagall!!! <3 <3 <3 I have so many ideas about all of these, let me just:

1. Circa Post-Up to No Good Tour: James looked between the boyfriends, crashed on the couch peacefully, thoroughly entangled in each other. After the disaster that was Paris Fashion Week, they threw themselves into writing their second album immediately. Or, well, James did at least. Minnie kept telling him to take time off, but every time he took even a second away from the studio, his mind immediately went to her. He looked at his bandmates and the easy love they shared - had always shared. All he ever wanted was some of that. Perhaps it was the artist in him, the hopeful romantic -

“I think you mean ‘hopeless romantic’,” Kingsley mumbled from the floor behind the drum kit.

“Did I stutter?” James muttered ruefully. He hated the twinge of jealousy that seeped into his chest every time he remembered that he didn’t have a love like Sirius and Remus’. Sure, Kingsley didn’t either, but the man was self-dating or whatever the term was. He was perfectly content to be single, unlike James, who was once again scrolling through Lily’s social media.

“A watched pot never boils,” the drummer hummed.

James bit his lip before he could bite back, but his mind still betrayed him. Tosser. Wanker. He wrote down an idea in his notebook, green eyes, green-eyed monster, but he was far too tired to do anything more about it just then, so he shucked off his glasses and crashed on the floor.

A/N: At the end of the day, he is their biggest shipper, but he’s got so much love to give, it’s hard for him not to have someone of his own to give it to.

2. Circa Mischief Managed Tour: James stood in the empty stands early in the morning. The sun hadn’t even risen over the top of the stadium yet. Another artist was sat at the piano, fingers just barely brushing the weighted keys. His once blonde hair was dyed a few solitary streaks of green. James vaguely remembered Lily saying it was the “in” colour now.

“Alright, Peter?” he ambled down towards the stage.

The pianist started, his pale blue eyes darting around. No one else was there. “Alright, James.”

“That was quite the show last night.”

“Y-you were there?”

The singer nodded.

“Sorry,” Peter jumped up suddenly, “If you need the space to start rehearsals -”

“No, no, I’m here way too early...”

“I like to stay late... adrenaline or something... I’m sorry.”

James was about to wave it off, but he took in his former bandmate’s stance and sure enough, Peter sat back down.

“I’m sorry... about the way I left things... I’m not going to pretend I regret it, though. Bands have... a short shelf-life, James... I heard your second tour isn’t performing as well as the first, but you’re a brilliant songwriter with an ear for beats. I think your talent -”

“Is mine. I decide what to do with it. Who I share it with.”

Peter nodded, “How are the boys?”

“They’re good.”

“They don’t want to see me.”

“Oh, they want to do more than see you,” by his tone, Peter could tell that “more” was not a good thing.

“Tell them I’m sorry, will you?”

“See you around, Pete.”

The blond boy nodded again and left.

A/N: I think their relationship with Peter is an evolving thing. They’ll rub elbows again and again at awards shows, concert venues, festivals. Eventually, they’ll learn to be civil and eventually, when they see how his pop-start shine begins to fade - because without his band, he kind of follows whatever trends his marketing team says are in - they’ll pity him, but by then the band’s gone on a well-deserved, mutually-agreed-up hiatus and there’s nothing to invite him back to.

3. Literally any recording session ever post-Mischief: James: I can rhyme with purple. [writes shit]

Remus: But will it make sense, though? [arranges shit]

Sirius: Who cares? [re-arranges shit]

Kingsley: Good point, all we have to do is take our shirts off and no one will care what we’re saying. [randomizes shit]

James: But that’s cheating! [fixes shit]

Remus: It worked on Evans well enough. [slyly inserts shit]

Sirius: We should make a rap album next. [makes shit cool]

Kingsley: James and I should switch places then, because Jimbo can’t rap. [uses shit appropriately]

James: I can too! [tries to edit shit]

All: Can’t. [is done with shit and sends it up to Minnie and Elphie]

A/N: There are like 101 creative forces between all the Marauders and I haven’t even gotten into Minnie and Elphie’s editing process...

4. Circa Up to No Good Purple Socks Show Segment: “And how did you come to play the bass, Remus?” asked Albus.

“Well, my dad used to play it in a jazz band - they still get together to jam sometimes. So I’ve pretty much been playing all my life and it was never exactly a big deal? Like I didn’t particularly care for it any more than any other thing, it was just... something I did like talking or walking... but then I got into a motor accident - other guy’s fault...”

Sirius closed his eyes briefly. He’d been there. Back in high school, he’d been driving the motorbike when the drunk T-boned them. They were lucky to be alive.

“... and some nerves were damaged,” Remus continued, flexing his hand as if to assure himself that they weren’t damaged anymore, “I was really worried I’d never be able to play again. I went to physical therapy, took my meds, the works. And when I started playing again, something... something had changed for me. It was... It was different... just hearing music versus when you make it - when it comes from... from some place deep within... Like dad’s jazz... and for me, that’s when I really started to play, you know?”

“Beautiful,” the host breathed, taking his time to come out of the story before moving on.

A/N: I just kinda see Remus as... earthy? And I see bass sounds the same way, so it fit :)

You can read Up to No Good / Mischief Managed on my Ao3 :)

Ask me about my fics?

#marauders fanfiction #jeannie bean gets asked #jeannie bean writes #band au #jily fanfiction #wolfstar fanfiction #i'm sorry this took so long i hope the ficlets make up for it #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #minerva mcgonagall #elphinstone urquart #albus dumbledore #i solemnly swear i am up to no good #mischief managed

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siriusblacktothefuture · 5 years ago

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Peter Pettigrew head canons

First year he showed up and was just an absolute squish of a boy

Met Remus on the train. He decided to stick with him because when faced with some mild bullying, Remus Sass Master Lupin put a few little first year pricks in their place

Panicked being sorted, but begged not to be in Slytherin; he knew he wouldn't survive the bullying

"You have the potential for great courage, though you're a coward at heart... Perhaps you'll grow out of it.... hmmm, yes, better put you in GRYFFINDOR!"

Met James and Sirius in the hall on the way to their common room, kinda fell in love

"Remus, don't those boys seem cool?" "They seem like trouble, Peter"

He didn't know how to talk to them for the first week they dormed together; he was so nervous about messing up his first interaction, when either James or Sirius walked into the room, he would drop everything in his hands

"What's that kids deal?" "He thinks you're cool, makes him nervous"

Of course, once they heard this and both got a huge ego boost, James and Sirius made it their goal to bring their biggest fan on an adventure

Peter, it turned out, wasn't just a fanboy, but something of a die hard fan

Quickly he started throwing himself on any sword needed for the boys to get away with whatever they wanted

It put a lot of pressure on him

Remus noticed, and asked James and Sirius to be more mindful of him on their adventures; the trio became more equal afterwards

Out of thanks, Peter invited Remus along to help with a prank, and honestly, Peter was just so pudgy, cute, and sweet, how could he say no?

They became the Marauders after that

Wrote to all three boys daily over the summer, however, he sent his owl out with multiple letters at once. He didn't want the bird to die from exhaustion, and the several letters were written to be "paced out for each day of the week"

Peter in second year was the one who figured out Remus was a werewolf unintentionally

"What else could it be, James? His parents ask him to go home, and he comes back with scars. They just randomly make him go once a month-" "Well every full moon" "...what?" "It's not random, he leaves during full moons.... wait.... his scars..... GUYS"

Thought James fashion sense was on point and tried out fuzzy vests and high collared shirts with him

He wasn't the one to come up with the plan to become animagi, but he helped

He. Wasn't. Stupid.

He figured out the truth of Sirius' home life before anyone else. He knew he'd never be able to help him (they were close but Sirius needed his brother, James), so he started leaving clues out for James to find and put the pieces together

He was extremely observant and intuitive with his magic

However his grades were shit starting in third year

Peter prioritized friends and pranks over homework and studying (very much the opposite of Remus) but had the capacity for it in extreme situations

"Tests make me nervous, so if I don't study, I don't panic about them" "Pete that's not how that works, mate; you passed out during your last exam"

Third year started being known for the Gryffindor quidditch team's number one fan; would scream the loudest when James scored and did basically anything

Gave the best pep talks

James was emotionally the mom friend, but Peter was the Over Prepared Mini Van Stuffed Just In Case Mom Friend™

And I mean this boy charmed his pockets to expand and hold entire kitchen raid amounts of food

"If only we had a pocket knif-" "Which size?"

"Ouch! Got a paper cut!" *pulls out an entire first aid kit in the middle of class*

"Woah, head rush" "Here's a bag of your favorite candy, but also an apple"

In fifth year, when he became a rat, he felt like nothing would have been more fitting

Though he wasn't the most useful for moons, day to day his animagus form was the best

James started just walking him to classes in his pocket

Also in fifth year, him and James went through a disco phase. Sirius was distraught, Remus was beyond amused

The first Marauder to kiss a girl during a game of truth or dare (Sirius was the close second)

In sixth year, he didn't know what to say to Sirius after he got kicked out, so he knit him a blanket, gathered some old pictures, and drew him some new art for his room at the Potters

He tried to stop reading the paper because the news made his stomach churn

After Marlene, one of the toughest girls he knew, was targeted for a muggle born hate crime, he started reading again

He started becoming more verbally affectionate with everyone in the Gryffindor tower, fear of the war making him think about how much time he really had

When asked what he wanted to do as a career after school, his mind went blank

Remus told him he was good with people, but didn't know what that meant

After the Prank and tensions were raised, Peter was the Marauders rock

He played therapist, listening to everyone's side of things, before piecing them back together

Because he might not have thought about himself and his own future, but his whole world was his friends. He would make them okay in any way he knew how

In seventh year he got closer to the seventh year Gryffindor girls when James started dating Lily

Soon they were his family too, and he had never felt so loved and safe at school

They got a radio to listen to music together in the common room, but at night he would listen to the news

Peter wasn't stupid

He knew what was coming, and he knew by the end of the year, he'd have to begin to make some choices

#personal #peter pettigrew #i dont think theres enough content about peter not being shitty #he was good at one point #he was a guy the other marauders would have died for #they loved him for a reason

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nifflersfancy · 6 years ago

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Stubborn

[I know that people usually portray Sirius as being the worlds biggest drama queen, which I will admit, makes for a funnier fic, but I don’t see it that way. Would Sirius’ parents really allowed him to be loud and whiny when he was ill? Of course not. He would’ve been so damn quiet and would have done his best to hide it. It��s not like his parents would have been loving and gentle.

So because I’m super ill right now (and a whiny little bitch) I decided to do a oneshot where Sirius is ill. Soooo the wolf star oneshot that nobody asked for. I actually started writing this almost two weeks ago and have only gotten worse and have actually been bed-bound for the last few days but I’m feeling a bit better so am now finishing it. Enjoy! Requests are open bcos I have no life and writing is the only thing that brings me joy in this godforsaken hell hole of a world]

“You alright, Pads? You’re looking a bit pale.” The concerned voice of his best friend pulled Sirius out of the daydream that he had fallen into, making him realise that he had been staring down at his plate, which was almost full. He had hardly touched it, only taking a bit of this and a bit of that. He had absolutely no appetite and was feeling weak and shaky, struggling to keep his head up and his eyes open.

“Yeah, ‘m fine.” He mumbled before clearing his throat and nodding his head, attempting to sit up straighter as he repeated his previous words a bit clearer. “I’m fine. Just a bit tired, is all.” He sighed. Which, technically, was not a lie. He hadn’t slept that night but only because he had felt like he could hardly breathe with his blocked nose and clogged throat. He had been sweating so much during the night that his bedsheets were soaked, although he had’t felt it and had shivered all through the night, meaning that his body now ached from the constant shivering.

“Being tired doesn’t give you swollen glands, a cold sweat or an upset stomach.” Remus spoke, causing Sirius to silently curse. He had been sick that morning but he thought that he had hidden it so well. He mentally cursed Remus’ ‘werewolf senses’. “If you’re sick, you need to go to Madame Pomfrey.”

“I’m not sick, I’m just tired.” He insisted. Truthfully, he hated Pepper-Up Potion. It just reminded him of his parents forcing him to drink it when he was ill and younger so that they wouldn’t have to care for him. He had eventually just stopped saying that he was sick and had started hiding it. One time he had been unable to hide it but his parents had been furious with him at the time so had locked him in the loft until he was better so that he wouldn’t get any of them poorly. He had been up there for just over two weeks, having Kreacher appear once or twice a day to bring him food. After that, he had gotten rather good at hiding it but this one had hit him like a train. It had come out of nowhere as well - as far as he was aware, none of the other had had colds or even had so much as a headache.

He was too busy looking down at his plate to see the look shared between his friends. “You know, I’m not feeling very well to be honest.” Pete said. Sirius looked up with a frown, concerned that his illness had passed onto his friends but he noticed that he looked fine. Perhaps he was hiding it like Sirius was. Which was strange because he knew that Pete could be quite a drama queen when he was sick, although he was nowhere near as bad as James. Being the old child of quite a wealthy couple, James would whine and huff, demanding extra attention from anyone and everyone.

“Me too. It’s rather cold, isn’t it?” Remus said and before Remus could look at him, he felt the werewolf drape an arm around his shoulders and Remus pulled him close. Sirius looked up at his boyfriend and noted that Remus looked fine as well but didn’t comment on it. Remus was like a human radiator so he was grateful for the warmth. He leaned his head on Remus’ shoulder and wrapped both arms around his waist. Despite his reputation, when it came to Remus, Sirius wasn’t a big fan of PDA, which made their position unusual. Whilst he enjoyed hand holding and short and sweet kisses, he didn’t do much else with Remus in public, not wanting everyone else to think that Remus was just some plaything. He respected his boyfriend too much for that. Besides, Remus had always been rather reserved.

“Maybe there’s something going around. Shall we have a lazy day?” At James’ suggestion, Sirius expected Remus to say no. They all had quite a bit of homework that they needed to at least start. Remus always insisted that they all at least started their homework, even if they didn’t finish it. Although they usually did but at least by telling them that they just needed to start it, they still felt like they were in control of their choice. They weren’t and Remus had them all wrapped around his fingers. But no one else realised that.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea.” Remus announced and Sirius could vaguely tell that he was smiling but soon realised that his eyes had drifted shut. “Padfoot? Darling, come on.” Remus murmured, his voice a lot softer than it had been before as he gently nudged Sirius, whose eyes often and he blinked sleepily up at his boyfriend, who smiled gently and adoringly at him. “Come on, let’s go upstairs. We’re all rather tired.” He spoke quietly, now carefully pulling Sirius up. He managed to stand up, becoming slight dizzy as he did so but thankfully, Remus wrapped an arm around him at the same time so it didn’t show. Or at least, he thought it didn’t.

Sirius didn’t seem to realise how awful he looked. His skin was dry, his lips cracking, although he was sweating heavily. His hair was tied up in a knotty bun, his eyes bloodshot and swollen. He looked awful. Thankfully, he was too out of it to see that about 60% of the people in the hall kept glancing at him, mostly in concern, others with curiosity. It was strange to see the perfectly messy Sirius Black looking so painfully messy and sick.

The trip up to the common room felt a lot longer than it usually did as Sirius appeared to be falling asleep whilst they were walking and was almost completely leaning on Remus but refused to let the werewolf carry him, insisting that he was fine and just kept tripping. But they eventually made it and instead of going to the dorm as planned, James and Peter pushed the large sofa as close to the fireplace as they could, having to move a coffee table in the process. Remus then laid down on the sofa on his side and pulled Sirius to lay in front of him.

“Don’t get too close, Rem.” Sirius mumbled, reluctantly and weakly attempting to get out of Remus’ grip, who only held him tighter.

“Why? You’re not sick, right?” He questioned teasingly, grinning fondly down at his sick boyfriend who looked adorable with his flushed cheeks. “I’ll be fine, Pads. I can take a potion if I get sick.” Remus was aware that Sirius hated the potions, although he didn’t know the reasoning behind it. He could guess it was something to do with Sirius’ childhood though. “Let’s just focus on getting you warm and getting some sleep.”

“But ‘m not even tired.” Sirius insisted, although he was beginning to become limp in Remus’ arms already as his eyes fluttered shut.”Feel fine.” He added, although was dead to the world a few moments later.

“So damn stubborn.” Remus chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of Sirius’ burning and sweat forehead. He looked up and saw James and Peter both sat on separate armchairs, appearing to be moments away from falling asleep themselves. Clearly he hadn’t been the only one that had been kept up by Sirius’ heavy breathing and wheezing coughs that he had attempted to muffle into his pillow. He smiled fondly. His boyfriend was so stubborn.

[I actually included Peter in a oneshot... Who’s proud of me???]

#Wolfstar #wolfstar oneshot #wolfstar fic #sirius x remus #sirius x remus oneshot #remus x sirius #remus x sirius oneshot #remus x sirius fic #Sirius x remus fic #sickfic #fluff #harry potter #Harry Potter oneshot #Harry Potter fic #sirius black #remus lupin #James potter #Peter pettigrew

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wolfstarwonders · 7 years ago

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All My Life — Wolfstar Fic

This is my first wolfstar fic so please read if you have a chance and please be kind. Thanks for reading <3

Read more on AO3

Title: All My Life Words: 3,138 (Incomplete, multi-chapter) Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black, wolfstar Genre: Fluff/Angst Rating: M Summary: James Potter is on a mission to help his dearest friend Remus lose his innocence in the classiest of ways — at a house party on the night his 20th birthday. This just means Sirius is on an even bigger mission to stop his lifelong crush from ending up in bed with someone who is most definitely not him. But what started out as a schoolyard crush has grown into something even Sirius might not be able to control anymore. Eventual wolfstar, many telling flashbacks, and lots of pining.

See blow the cut for a peek and please share if you can! It would mean the world to me <3

~~~

“I don’t know, Prongs. Are we sure our Moony is ready for his first real shebang?” Sirius grinned at James as they got ready for their night of mischief and getting sloshed. Saturday nights were never quiet for the Marauders, especially not now that they’d all officially graduated and gotten their first flat together.

“Don’t call it a shebang, Pads,” James said, rolling his eyes and clapping Remus on the back as the taller boy looked at himself awkwardly in the mirror. “And of course he’s ready. The man is 20 years old for crying out loud! I can’t believe we’ve gone this long without taking him to a real party. What kind of friends are we anyway? We owe it to him to make tonight the best night ever. Isn’t that right, Moony?” James finished, stepping into the bathroom to brush his teeth and continue talking to them through the open door.

Remus shifted his feet, tugging at the neatly pressed collar of his button down shirt and adjusting the mustard-colored cable knit sweater he was wearing over it. “Mmm…I really think you lot are making too big of a deal out of this,” Remus mumbled quietly, still not sure about going out tonight and going through with his friends’ unpredictable plan. He’d much rather stay inside and have a Marauders movie marathon like they had every night on his birthday for the last ten years. Those were always his favorite. But for some reason, his friends had decided that just wouldn’t do this year, not when he’d just hit his second decade of life and hadn’t even gone to second base with a girl yet, according to James.

“Too much?!” Sirius exclaimed in disbelief, popping up behind Remus to clasp a hand on either of his shoulders and make adoring faces at himself in the mirror. “Remus, you’re celebrating the big 20 today. That’s two — look at me — two decades, mate! You think we’d let that slip by? We’re going to give you the best night of your life, Moons” Sirius smiled, ruffling a hand through the taller boy’s auburn hair.

“Besides, dooozens of birds are going to be there and you might just get lucky tonight,” Peter chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He also showed up behind Remus in the mirror, having considerable trouble seeing over Remus’ shoulder to comb his tousled hair.

“Oh how would you even know, Wormtail?” Sirius huffed, jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow. “It’s not like a girl’s ever talked to you anyway,” he snickered. Sirius, despite his enthusiasm about taking Remus out to celebrate his birthday tonight, wasn’t the biggest fan of James’ plan to help Remus pull for the first time. Sure, they were all friends and he thought Remus deserved to be happy. But he knew his friend better than any of the others—and that was saying something since he’d practically grown up with James as his brother. He just didn’t think forcing Remus to go out and hook up with a girl was the way to do it, if he wanted to that is. Still, he wanted him to have as good of a time as possible, and he was all in for making Remus’ 20th birthday a night to remember.

“Hey! I resent that. Plenty of girls want to talk to me,” Peter said, pouting and rubbing at this side with a frown.

“I don’t know, mate,” Remus said. “Pads has a point. Every since you struck out with Mary at the fall formal two years ago, you’ve kind of had trouble picking up any girls,” Remus had to agree, making Sirius smile cheekily and stick his tongue out at Peter over Remus’ shoulder in victory.

Peter rolled his eyes and tried to swat at Sirius, who quickly ducked behind his tallest friend to protect himself before attempting to thwack Peter on the back. Remus shook his head. Tonight was already going smashing, as usual.

“Oi! You lot quit beating the piss out of each other,” James said, walking out of the bathroom and pointing a toothbrush at them all in warning. “Tonight is about Moony, not Pete’s sad excuse for a love life,” James added, going back to spit into the sink.

“Hey!” Peter whined again. “Ah, fuck all of you lot. I should just go to the party myself,” he grumbled, going to get his jacket and wait by the door.

“Hah! That’s a laugh,” Sirius smirked, walking over to Peter and crossing his arms in front of him over his leather jacket. “You couldn’t go to the party by yourself even if you wanted to because I…” Sirius said, dangling his car keys in front of a frowning Peter, “…am your only way of getting there,” Sirius finished proudly.

“Awe, come on. Leave the poor bloke alone,” Remus said, walking up to them once he’d finally decided he’d had enough of fussing over himself in the mirror. Remus looked down at his light brown pants, rolled up to show his argyle socks and chestnut-colored oxford shoes. This was as good as it was going to get, he thought to himself with a sigh. “It’s my birthday and I officially want us all to have a good time. That means no fighting, and at least one of us has to stay sober enough to be the designated driver, which I gladly volunteer to do for the 500th time,” Remus reminded them as James came to join them.

“Eh, eh, eh, birthday boy can’t be the designated driver,” James tutted, pressing the keys even deeper into Sirius’ palm. “That’s just a no go. No, old Pads here will be our driver, won’t ya?” James grinned evilly at Sirius. They’d decided days ago that Sirius would be the driver, and by decided that meant they’d flipped a coin and Sirius had lost. James had pinned Sirius to the ground and made him shout “uncle” until he’d agreed to accept that he’d lost, which hadn’t been easy.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Sirius grumbled, opening up the front door and leading them into the hall. “I’ll still have a better time than the whole lot of you because I’ll have Moony by my side and we’re going to have the time of our lives. Ain’t that right, mate?” Sirius grinned, throwing an arm around Remus’ shoulders as James locked up the front door.

“Sure, whatever you say, Pads,” Remus shook his head with a smile. He really hoped Sirius was right this time.

~~~

Please check out my AO3 for the rest of the chapter

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #remus x sirius #fanfic #harry potter #harry potter fic #wolfstar fic #wolfstar fanfic

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futurewriter2000 · 7 years ago

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Hi! Can I request a marauders era ship? I have ashy blonde hair and blue/green eyes. I am very theatrical and love to sing and dance. I babble a lot and answer my own questions but there are times when I don't talk for hours. Hufflepuff, but am very ambitious. Sometimes a bit harsh when I'm sarcastic but I never mean any harm. VERY much against ignorance and bigotry. People person. Thank you so much💗💗

I ship you with James Potter.

Oh god I actually finished this ship but my computer just fucked it up and deleted it....now I have to rewrite the whole thing.

The most ignorant, obnoxious and spoiled Gryffindor made you want to ripp his head off. He was always talking about how Gryffindor is the best house in Hogwarts and it just pissed you off. Talking about how Gryffindors are brave of heart and all good while Slytherins pieces of shit and always bad. You just hated to hear that, even though you were a Hufflepuff. “Oh you’re a Gryffindor. All that boasting made me think you might be in Slytherin. Ups, my mistake.” you said as you passed him by while he was talking about it again.

Since then the two of oyu were in war. He didn’t like being out down by a girl, especially in front of everybody. And how dared did you tell him he might belong in Slytherin. He was just pissed and he hated you for that. So there were years of pranks and wars and even bloodshed. Like really, The two of you were sitting at the Proffesors Slughorn Office with James holding his bloody nose. “She did this on purpose. She hit me with a branch!” -”I did no such thing.” -”You HIT ME! WITH A BRANCH!” -”Well if you weren’t such a dic maybe that branch would stay put where it belonged.!”

And the two of you got stuck in detention together. Just fantastic right. The two of you had to wash the dishes after dinner, while the elves coud get and early night sleep. As your fingers hurt from all the srubbing and the wiping, you hid your pain and anger towards him by staying quiet all day. He didn’t like silence. It wasn’t his best suit but he was angry at you too so there were long hours of the sound of scrubbing and wiping.

Untill you felt something wet on your back. You turned around to see the arrogant Gryffindor holding a pipe, pointed towards you and failing at trying not to smile. “I swear, I didn’t think it will splash the water.” -”What do you mean you didn’t think it won’t splash the water!? IT’S A FUCKING PIPE OF COURSE IT WILL SPLASH THE WATER! But I guess that stupid brain of yours-” you got interrupted by another splash on your face. “Seriously, calm down.” -”YOU PIECE OF-” and another splash coming with an evil smirk. “Fine.” you gritted your teeth whie ou grabbed the towel on the table and wiping your wet face. And the next thing you knew you were on top of him, holding the pipe in your hand and splashing him with water. “How does it feel on the other side!” you yelled while laughing at him. As soon as you stopped and thought he might start yelling and shouting at you, that git started laughing along. And the two of you were just sitting there and laughing to this whole situation.

Since then you couldn’t stop thinking about him. His laugh and his wet black hair and gorgeous hazel eyes just got stuck in your head. Or how his wet shirt showed his muscular body with those wide shoulders and...well you just couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Same went for James. The girl he used to despise and prank all the time, suddenly became so much attractive to him. The way your wet ashy blonde hair fell in front of you and stuck to your wet cheeks. Or your stunning blue/green eyes, which were matching that bright smile of yours.

Since then everything became really awkward for the two of you. Why? Because the both of you knew you had feelings for eachother but still tried to push them down.

That was until he heard you rehearsing for an audition for this new play. It was in the empty classroom and since the lines just couldn’t stuck in your head you started dancing and singing, just so you can relax a bit (which really wooed him). He entered the room, confident and with that smirk of his plastered on his lips. He offered you his helš and the two of you spent the whole afternoon practicing. “It’s : He’s dead Jonnathan!” -”That’s what I said.” -”No. You said: He’s dead Dimitri!” he grinned and you knew he was making fun of you.”Honestly James. Just grow up already. This is important to me and I know its not your thing but you offered to help. And if you’ll be just making fun of me and this play you can just leave and do these Quidditch thing you do. I mean do you want to be here? I mean probably not but-” and all of a sudden you felt his lips on yours, shutting you up completly. The kiss grew stronger and more passionate as all the feelings you two held for eachother for the past 6 years all converted in this messy but perfect kiss.

Since then the two of you started dating and you met his friends. Sirius, who helped him pull the biggest pranks on you was really surprised at first but he was Sirius and he trusted you. Remus just found you adorable. Mostly because you introduced him to Tonks but also because of your personality. Peter was a bit suspicious of you and wasn’t a big fan, but since he always followed the three marauders he pretended to like you.

The two of you moved in together and adopted the two completly different and cute fishes. It was James’ idea. He wanted for you to everytime you’re sad or lonely when he’s on a job, just look at these two fishes. But everytime you looked at these two fishes, they were always bickering and you felt better, becasue if James were there the two of you would probably bicker too.

But sometimes when you were mad at James you gave more food to your fish.

After he came home, tired and exhausted from his day, he would just lay next to you and fall asleep while you stroked his hair. You didn’t mind doing that. You knew he was exhausted from the day and him coming home well and alive was all you needed.

Yes the two of you faught a lot but what you two had was something magical.

Okay before this deletes itself again I really hope you like it and I’m really sorry if it took this long I was just really busy and I really hope you like it.

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amorremanet · 8 years ago

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ahhhh gimme more about "sirius with hufflepuff traits" because i just started roleplaying him and !!!

OKAY SO. This will probably be a disorganized mess, and I apologize for that in advance.

The big three traits/values here are Sirius’s loyalty, his hard work and dedication, and valuing of community.

To get this out in the open: Sirius’s loyalty is the biggest reason why Sirius could’ve been a Hufflepuff, to me, so I’ll probably harp on it a lot. I mean, his Animagus form is a DOG, and not one of the ones that JKR treats really unfairly in the text (like bulldogs, which she has Aunt Marge breed based on the fact that they look grumpy, even though irl they’re actually sweethearts), but a shaggy black dog that gets mistaken for the unfairly maligned Grim but doesn’t challenge the association of dogs with loyalty.

But loyalty is not the only reason why Sirius could be a Hufflepuff. For example, despite what a lot of the bullshit fanon ideas about him hold, Sirius isn’t averse to hard work. The sole basis for this in canon is that Sirius has a cavalier attitude about a lot of things (one that’s often demonstrably based in caring so much it scares him, so he tries to make it all a joke, but hey)

…and that during his DADA OWL in “Snape’s Worst Memory,” we see him leaning his chair back and being an inattentive weirdo who isn’t working on his exam or noticing some girl behind him who’s all like, “wow what a hottie” (……which, because of reasons I guess, obviously means he doesn’t give a crap about working hard, and can’t possibly mean that he already finished the exam because he’s one of the most brilliant students Hogwarts has ever seen)

Never mind how the underlying logic of that argument is, “if Sirius doesn’t work hard at school, then he must not value any kind of hard work at all ever” and if I may? what in the fuck even is that. Apart from, “a really bad argument.”

Not caring that much about school only means Sirius doesn’t care that much about school, and given that an education from Hogwarts is one where you get a new DADA prof every year, professors bully and play favorites with their students with total impunity, Dumbledore does fuck-all to make sure the profs are actually doing their jobs, and a lot of the problems that you find in non-magical educations (prioritizing rote memorization over actual learning, favoring certain kinds of intelligences and very specific displays of those intelligences, etc.) can still be seen in Hogwarts?

Yeah, no, I can’t blame Sirius for hypothetically not giving much of a fuck about that, especially when he’s gifted-and-talented levels of brilliant, so he’s probably bored most of the time if he’s not being actively challenged by the material.

If someone wants to argue against Hufflepuff with this point, it’s actually embarrassingly easy to joss them: true, Sirius doesn’t care that much about school, but he doesn’t respect a system that is, at its core, unfair — and not valuing an unfair system can easily be read as a sign that Sirius values fairness, which is a very Hufflepuff thing to do.

Yeah, it’s reaching a bit, but no more than most of the canon-twisting that fans do in order to argue theories/interpretations like, “Draco is a secret werewolf in HBP,” “Ron is time-traveling Dumbledore,” and, “Draco actually learned anything about why Blood Purism and fantasy-fascist domestic terrorism are flat out inherently wrong by the end of DH, rather than learning that siding with Voldemort will screw him over personally, also his Mummy, and regretting that but otherwise missing every single point where he could’ve undergone any form of positive growth and character development,” so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I digress.

The most obvious point about hard work for Sirius is that he did all the work to become an Animagus at age 15. Even if we don’t accept the full monty of JKR’s version as canon, it’s still established as being really difficult and time-consuming, something that Sirius could not have managed solely on natural brilliance and/or talent. He would’ve needed to actually put in the work here, and he did. Not only that, but he also helped Peter with the work, and did all of this why, exactly?

Well, because real Marauders don’t leave each other behind, and on one hand, Sirius wanted to be there for Remus. On the other, he was not about to go do that without both James and Peter, because his bestest best friend might’ve been James, but Sirius genuinely cared about and valued both Remus and Peter — which you can tell, even through his attitudes toward Peter, because he is so outraged over Peter’s betrayal that, as soon as he gets a hint of where Peter might be, he breaks out of Azkaban and spends several months working on murdering him.

When Sirius genuinely doesn’t give a crap about something — which happens very rarely because he is theatre kid levels of Extra about most of the things we ever see him dealing with — then he’s flippant and dismissive and brushes it off and just doesn’t give it any thought whatsoever.

Even when the something is like, “Harry trying to go, ‘Hey, maybe this idea is questionable and could get a lot of us killed or expelled or tortured by this evil domineering pink toad-woman who’s teaching DADA this year’” — which would, under most normal circumstances where he’s not basically under house arrest in the mausoleum of his abusive shit-show blood family’s home, arouse Sirius‘s protective godfatherly instincts — if Sirius doesn’t care about something (in this case, “things that get in the way of him being able to live vicariously through Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the DA”), then he ignores it.

Not always a good behavior to fall into, as seen here, but it does help make the point that Sirius isn’t blowing smoke during the whole Shrieking Shack sequence of POA, and that, despite what he says about, “I can’t believe I didn’t suspect you from the start, Peter, you were always looking at friends as ways to protect yourself,” Sirius DID trust Peter, DID genuinely think of him as a friend, and DID feel genuinely betrayed by how Peter played him and Remus to make both of them suspect each other of being the traitorous spy and, as they hurt themselves in their confusion, sold James, Lily, and Harry out to Voldemort

Because if Sirius were telling the truth about not having had any kind of respect or affection for Peter…… yeah, he’d still be pretty pissed off in that moment — after all, he just spent twelve years wrongfully imprisoned in a psychological torture Hellhole for a crime he didn’t commit, probably spent at least some of the time in proximity to one of his abusive cousins who also happens to be a Death Eater and has a personal vendetta against him (just… based on how Sirius and Barty Crouch Jr. apparently got put in cells close to each other until Blondie got broken out, it’s plausible that Bellatrix and her two loser boyfriends were near them too), and is finally staring down the little shit of a rat who got James killed (and also Lily, but lbr, Sirius cares more about James)

(not that he doesn’t care about Lily, but… he consistently talks about James more than Lily, and several other characters tell or show us how tightly bonded he and James were, so yes, Sirius cared about Lily but he DID love James more)

But if Sirius were telling the TRUTH about never actually having any affection or regard or respect for Peter? He would’ve been colder and a lot more dismissive, rather than as easily wound up and ready to fight the sun as he spends the entire Shrieking Shack being

That is, barring a few moments where Remus basically goes, “Padfoot, sit. Stay. Good boy” and gets him to quiet down for a minute

…or wherein he defers to Harry because as much as he wants to kill Peter right the fuck now and get it over with for James and Lily’s vengeance? he also wants Harry to understand (especially after Remus correctly points out that Harry, above everyone else in that assembled party, has a right to know the truth)

……or wherein Snape shows up like a bat out of Purgatory and starts making threats like, “Oh, I’m gonna hand your ass over to the Dementors, I hope they let me watch when you get the Kiss — or hey, give me a reason and I’ll kill you myself, I’ll get a fucking Order of Merlin for it probably because this would be a public service killing, also it would so very thoroughly satisfy me :|” and manages to make Sirius either calm down or shut up by virtue of being a big bag of dicks who Sirius is ostensibly trying to reason with for the sake of some kind of greater good

(just…… he’s doing it while also being a big bag of dicks right back to Snape because that’s how they are with each other)

So, yeah. Sirius did the hard work of becoming an Animagus, and he helped Peter to do the hard work of becoming an Animagus too, and in one of his many shows of a more Hufflepuff than not approach to loyalty, Sirius expected Peter to display the same attitude toward the Marauders’ friendship that Sirius feels that he put into it, remembers James as putting into it, and clearly doesn’t hold a grudge against Remus over any time he could’ve been said to NOT be putting that same amount of loyalty and friendship into anything, because Sirius knows that one of those big moments involved him nearly getting Remus sent to prison if not executed, and the other was when both of them got played and thought each other was the spy, so both of them did wrong by each other

An even better point about Sirius’s approach to hard work, though? Is how he progressively falls apart throughout OOTP.

Granted, yes. Part of that is definitely and pretty explicitly on the fact that Sirius is essentially on house arrest, trapped in the mausoleum of No. 12 Grimmauld Place with Kreacher and his Mother’s screaming portrait and Buckbeak (who is better than Kreacher and Walburga but still regrettably stuck in the attic, which?? Is just a really shitty place to put a Hippogriff?? and it probably does not make for a Hippogriff who is very good company???)

Sure, sometimes Remus is around because he’s staying there with Sirius, but he has to leave pretty regularly on ~mysterious Order business~ (which may or may not be going underground with the werewolves or at the very least liaising with them, but no one told Harry, so JKR didn’t see fit to tell us)

Then, other Order members come and go — but Moody is sort of an acquired taste (and oddly enough? Barty Crouch Jr. had just spent over a decade locked up in the psychological torture prison of constantly fighting his Father’s Imperius Curse — and he did that after spending a year in Azkaban and nearly dying from it — and only having interpersonal contact with Winky and Crouch Sr. and maybe whatever talking portraits the Crouches might’ve had in their home…… and he was STILL way better at dealing with people than Moody, who apparently thinks that a super-cool treat for Harry is letting him see an old photo of the First War Order and telling him how almost everyone in the shot died horrifically)

Tonks is family (nominally good family but still… family with the Blacks is complicated), and also sort of an acquired taste, though to be fair, Sirius does seem to enjoy her more than any of the other people in the Order (though I doubt he enjoys how he looks at her sometimes and, through no fault of Tonks’s, sees the living reminder that Andromeda and Ted probably still think he’s a Blood Purist mass-murder who betrayed his friends and pretty much everyone who ever genuinely loved him, and went bad in the same way as Bellatrix after all)

Molly and Arthur are genuinely horrible people, and Sirius doesn’t really seem to like them much. I mean, he’s concerned when Arthur gets attacked by Nagini, but it’s more about the kids and a bit of jealousy because he’d love to go down to St. Mungo’s, even in the present circumstances, because it would mean he got out of the fucking house.

Otherwise, though, he doesn’t seem to have much regard for Arthur and pretty openly dislikes Molly, and with good freaking reason, considering she’s an abusive and emotionally manipulative buttisnki who thinks she has any right to tell Sirius how he does or doesn’t feel about Harry, and to all but outright tell him that he doesn’t love Harry and never can for real because he’s mentally ill and traumatized, what the fuck, Molly, how about you shut up and mind your own fucking business for once

(*generally aggrieved, angry noises because skdjdfhs Molly Weasley is a character who exists and does what she does and is still seen as being a character we should look up to and revere and try to emulate in anything ever*)

^ it me when I am expected to respect either of the Weasley parents

it also Sirius when he’s expected to play nicely with them, especially with Molly, who openly disrespects his status as Harry’s godfather and tries to dismiss the importance of their relationship to both of them, because apparently, Sirius being mentally ill and traumatized means that he can’t love his godson OR know for himself that he loves his godson

I’m done now, I’m sorry, Molly and Arthur just make me SO ANGRY

and in general…… yeah. Sirius gets on with some of the Order members who are not Remus.

He gets on BEST with Remus, for fairly obvious reasons — like, to the point that Remus can actually tell him what kind of amounts to, “Sit, stay, don’t bite Molly’s head off, sit, stay, good boy” and Sirius listens to him and apparently doesn’t feel condescended to by this (or if he does feel like that, then he acquiesces anyway because he trusts Remus) — but it’s not as though Sirius only gets on with Remus and wishes the rest of them would fuck off forever

But it’s still not really the same as having a decent support network, and yes, that takes a toll on him throughout OOTP, I’m not saying that it doesn’t

But Sirius also repeatedly says and shows us that he would do a little bit better if Dumbledore were letting him do fucking ANYTHING. It’s bad enough that he’s trapped in Grimmauld Place, but he’s not even allowed to really do that much, apart from keeping Walburga’s portrait muzzled and occasionally, like? Spraying doxies or something.

True, Gryffindors don’t deal well with being cooped up without it being any kind of related to any Hufflepuff tendencies…… but the fact that Sirius specifically hates being cooped up because he can’t be helpful to the Order while trapped in his late abusive parents’ home? The fact that Snape most easily riles him up by implying that he’s not doing anything of value to the Order, just sitting around and milking his status as a falsely convicted and escaped mass murderer who’s desperately wanted by the Ministry?

Yeah, that, to me, is a little more Hufflepuffian than, say, Fred and George being like, “man, we haven’t made any terrible decisions lately, we’re bored, let’s go turn Neville into a giant bird to taste-test a new Weasley’s Wizard Wheeze”

Back on the subject of Sirius loving James more than Lily, though? He is a gr10 foil to Snape — a Slytherin primary, Gryffindor secondary, Ravenclaw tertiary, and never getting in the vicinity of a Hufflepuff Sorting ever, not in anyone’s wildest dreams, whoops — in this way

Because Severus only cared about Lily [and worse, cared more about his IDEAL HEADCANON LILY than Lily Evans: An Actual Person In Her Own Right] and he openly didn’t give a fuck about her husband or child, even while begging Dumbledore to get off his ass and save Lily

He only went, “ugh fine, save them too, as long as she’s alive” after he got verbally smacked upside the head and shamed over how he wasn’t thinking about Lily’s actual desires here at all, which did fuck-all to actually make him CARE about James or Harry, even in a vague, theoretical context like, “something something sanctity of human life” or, “well, Lily cares about them, so even if I hate her husband, I respect her choices in a more active way than simply not bothering her to her face”

And, of course, he got Lily put on the potential chopping block in the first place because he thought the prophecy would only make Voldemort go after Harry or Neville, not their parents, and hey, it’s not like he cares about a baby and if Voldemort kills James too, so much the better for Severus

Sirius, on the other hand — Gryffindor primary, Hufflepuff secondary, Slytherin tertiary, and “would literally only ever get into the Ravenclaw Common Room, as a Ravenclaw-Sorted student, if the Sorting Hat worked like that annoying trend in fanon of sending anyone who does well in school to Ravenclaw regardless of how this is absolutely baseless bunk” — yeah, he loves James and Harry more than he loves Lily

But rather than prioritizing his own desires and his own ego, in the matter of the Secret-Keeper thing, he tells them to switch to Peter, at the last minute.

Like, if Sirius’s ego had its own way, that probably never would have happened because he probably would’ve gone, “yeah, lol, I’d like to see the Death Eaters TRY and torture the secret out of me, I’ll fight anybody, I’ll punch Voldemort right in his stupid face because I need to defend James and Lily personally and I don’t give a shit about my own survival lmao”

But instead, he thought about what would be best for James and Lily and Harry — together, as a family, not just as, “James, plus those other two people I guess” — and went, “No, man, I’m not invincible and the Death Eaters will totally suspect me because everyone knows that James and I have been basically married since before Lily ever even considered dating him, and it will get all three of you killed, if you pick me”

Obviously, Peter wasn’t the right choice either, but Sirius had no way of knowing that because Peter out-gamed everybody in that whole debacle, including Dumbledore, who ALSO apparently bought the whole shebang about Sirius betraying James and Lily to Voldemort, right up until he heard Sirius’s version and went, “Heeeeeey there, Harry and Hermione, you two should go play with time travel for me and also for Sirius, okay. Cool, have fun kids, Dumbledore out.”

(which? Dumbledore is actually way more questionable here and you could totally make a case that he knew the truth and let Sirius just rot in Azkaban because getting him out would’ve been like super-inconvenient and tedious and ugggggh why are you questioning him and his interpretation of The Greater Good — but for all intents and purposes right now? Okay, fine, Albus Dumbledore got out-gamed by Peter, too.)

[insert here a snide remark about how idk about you, Albus, but if I dated someone who broke my heart and then grew up to be some kind of fantasy-fascist would-be despot, and put my old, “For The Greater Good” line on the gated outside of his blatant Auschwitz-Birkenau stand-in, I would probably stop saying that and also question my basic assumptions about whether or not, “For the Greater Good” is an even remotely defensible position to assume in anything, ever — but hey, that’s just me.]

Back to the actual point: Sirius is loyal to James and Lily as people, not because he has some cocked up headcanon ideas about them being even vaguely perfect (like, he falls victim to thinking so during the series…… but that’s after twelve years in Azkaban and under a lot of pretty extenuating circumstances, and I’d probably idealize my hypothetical James and Lily analogues like that, too), and he doesn’t show them this loyalty BECAUSE it’s The Right Thing (does he think it’s The Right Thing? Yeah. But that’s not the driving force behind his actions and choices here)

Rather, he shows James and Lily this kind of self-sacrificing loyalty, where he gives up the opportunity to even talk to them while they’re in hiding much less actively protect them, because he is convinced that it is what’s going to be best for them and Harry, and he cares about what is best for them on their own terms and based on their own needs, more than he cares about what he wants

Which is a pretty, “Hufflepuff while retaining obvious signs of being such a Gryffindor” way of handling things

As opposed to Severus over there with his, “Slytherin in a lot of our worst ways, but with a glimmer of that hidden Gryffindor streak that comes out when Albus Dumbledore shames him for caring more about his own desires than about Lily, not in a way that goes, ‘if you were really loyal to her as a person in her own right, you would do this that and the other’ but in a way that goes, ‘Your life choices are Bad And Wrong, you should feel Bad And Wrong, I’d be ashamed of you if I were your mother, you’re disgusting, what what WHAT the fuck are you doing, you motherfucker, that’s a BAD DAMN SNAPE’”

(and in fairness? trying to guilt-trip Severus in a more Hufflepuff sort of way would be completely pointless NOT because he doesn’t have a Hufflepuff bone in his entire body, but because, when it comes to certain matters, he has the self-awareness of a particularly obtuse hunk of moldy processed cheese, so like?

Sure, go ahead, try to guilt-trip him with, “if you’re REALLY loyal to Lily Evans Potter: Actual Person, blah blah blah blah blah blah.”

You won’t get anywhere because, as far as he’s concerned, he DOES genuinely love the real Lily Evans, and he *IS* genuinely loyal to the real Lily Evans, and the likelihood of him ever being self-aware or emotionally healthy enough to understand that he is completely wrong? Is basically nonexistent, given the utter Hellhole he was raised in and his consistent lack of an actual reliable support network.

Not that emotional stability is actually required of anyone to be a Hufflepuff — I mean, Ernie and Zacharias are a pretty good argument against that idea [if we ignore Tonks on the grounds that her behavior in HBP was OOC garbage and influenced by Molly Weasley being an emotionally manipulative buttinski who literally was not asked, at least not to the degree that she gets her hands messed up in relationships that have nothing to do with her and that she has no right to meddle in, period], and I have headcanons about several Hufflepuffs that would also disagree, never mind that I’m currently arguing for Hufflpuff secondary!Sirius, and even before Azkaban, he was not exactly a stunning picture of mental or emotional health

—but the way in which Severus Snape is emotionally unhealthy is one where his values and behaviors end up contradicting pretty much everything about Hufflepuff House, in ways that, to me, suggest that even if he’d been taken out of his parents’ custody at any point and raised by a supportive, loving family who got him therapy and everything and somehow created an AU version of him who isn’t massively unhealthy in every single possible way?

He still wouldn’t be a Hufflepuff, because there’s got to be something that goes even deeper than all the ways in which he is massively unwell, and that something might’ve been brought out more by his exceptionally shitty life circumstances, but just taking those away wouldn’t magically make Severus Hufflepuff material.

Conversely: yes, some of Sirius’s traits and values that line up with Hufflepuff were exacerbated by his exceptionally shitty life circumstances and come out even more visibly because of the various ways in which he is emotionally unhealthy — c.f., sure, it sounds really devoted, in POA, for Sirius to say he would’ve rather died than betrayed Lily and James, and for him to have expected the same out of Peter because he was a Marauder… but then in GOF and OOTP, we progressively come to see that, uh? Sirius means it, like???

No, that is NOT a moment of, “Sirius Black being Extra about something and engaging in hyperbole because he’s just Sirius Black and Drama should be his middle name.”

Nooo, he means it VERY seriously and all of the evidence we have suggests that he is being literal about even implying that he valued James’s life above his own, and now values Harry’s life above his own, to such a point that either/both of these loves could have easily become self-harming for him, because he doesn’t really give a fuck about his own life based on its own value.

Which is, y’know, not an uncommon way for someone who has parents like Sirius did to end up feeling about themself.

It’s no less loyal, and no less grounded in the Hufflepuff kind of loyalty where you love others as they are and value them above what you want for yourself

—but much like how Snape shows unhealthy manifestations of the, “Slytherins look out for our own, whoever we decide that to be” approach to loyalty, enough that he’s not really in love with Lily so much as his inaccurate Dulcinea Beatrice “Peeta about Katniss until it literally gets tortured and brainwashed out of him” idealized headcanon Lily and refuses to deal with the reality of Lily or anything about her because it might challenge her status as His Only Real Friend?

Sirius shows an unhealthy manifestation of Hufflepuff loyalty, in which he places basically no actual value on himself and only acts like he does in order to keep people from getting that…… no, no, he means it very literally, because he probably correctly concludes that they would be concerned about him feeling this way, if they knew about it, and he doesn’t want them to worry like that about him, especially if it’s at their own expense

Not that there aren’t other reasons going on here, too, but…… these two are pretty clearly, “abuse survivors who feel like they are probably the absolute worst and try to hide it but still act it out and make it kinda obvious in very different ways”

oh my god i’m sorry, i lost control of this because i got…… uh, distracted by loving them both so much? oops?)

Another point where Sirius and Severus foil each other here, and in so doing, show off the values that make them a Gryffindor-Hufflepuff and a Slytherin-Gryffindor respectively? Is in how they both handle their feelings of guilt after the events of Halloween 1981 and how the both of them handle their related suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: I am not saying that I *AGREE* with how JKR handles this in either case, because I don’t.

Like, JKR gave us a scene where Snape flat-out says, “I wish I were dead” and Albus “alleged bastion of compassion and goodness and all that shit” Dumbledore basically goes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and tells him, “Well, that would be about the most useless thing you’ve done this week, wouldn’t it, Severus, but hey, by all means, go jump off the Astronomy Tower if you want to be a whiner about it. Whenever you want to shut up and take it like an adult, though, I’m waiting, lmao” — and we are supposed to feel sympathy for Snape but intellectually AGREE with Dumbledore, in this scene.

So, suffice it to say, JKR handles suicidal ideation Very Fucking Badly

And I’m not saying that I agree with any of how she handles the juxtaposition between the way that Sirius is all but outright and explicitly suicidal after James and Lily die, and the way that Severus *is* explicitly suicidal after that

(and hey, now that I think about it? It’s pretty shitty that the fuck-up antihero who’s more on the side of good is very obviously suicidal but doesn’t outright say it, while the fuck-up antihero less obviously on the side of good or the side of anything in particular…… is the one to flat out say that he wants to die? Like, way to attach a moral valence to suicidal ideation, Jo. Thanks for that.)

All I’m about to do is lay it out how canon presents the facts about this, and how canon treats them, and how it factors into the idea of Hufflepuff or Hufflepuff secondary!Sirius

So, Snape says that he wishes he were dead after he hears that Lily is dead, James is dead, and Harry’s off with Lily’s garbage sister and her atrocious husband, and this expression of suicidal ideation is all but outright implied to, in that moment, mostly be due to:

1. Lily is dead because he was a dumbass and told Voldemort about the prophecy and actually thought that she might be spared just because he begged (which…… she might’ve been, if she’d taken the out Voldemort offered her and just stand by and let him kill her baby, but… he also might’ve then just killed her too, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

2. Lily is dead and she died still thinking that Severus hated her and he could now literally never change her mind about any of that because she is, as mentioned, dead (which…… yeah, it’s sad that you could never try to apologize to her, Severus, but? Uh. You’re supposed to apologize out of genuine contrition, not just to manipulate how someone else feels about you and get them to forgive you, and I don’t believe that, at this point in the story, you actually felt that genuine contrition.)

(Also, y’know, you could have tried actually apologizing to her and backing it up with actions that SHOW that you’re sorry for hurting her before and getting her put up on the chopping block now, rather than working in the shadows and hoping she’d learn the truth and “come around on her own” someday, but hey, that’s just my opinion, hon)

and 3. Lily is dead. Which, yeah, is part of the other two points — but the text really tries to drive home the idea that Severus is devastated by losing Lily, but that at the moment of his, “I wish I were dead” declaration, he’s more upset about what all of this means for him outside of, “Lily is dead and that’s terrible”

Like, the biggest way that the text drives this idea home? is in how Dumbledore talks Severus into not going and jumping off the top of the Astronomy Tower

Regardless of the situation and the fact that it worked out not-quite-as-badly-as-it-could-have-done in this case, telling someone who’s just expressed suicidal ideation, “And what use would that [your death] be to anyone?” is still an astonishingly shitty thing to do, and I cannot stress enough how shitty that is to say to someone who is suicidal

Moreover, JKR is pretty shitty about how she uses it in the scene, as she’s not only going, “Dumbledore is an emotionally manipulative bastard but he’s Right so it’s okay,” but she’s also doing it in a way where it kind of comes off like Albus implying that Severus’s suicidal ideation isn’t genuine and doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged as what it is, much less treated with the bare minimum of all that Albus Dumbledore compassion he’s supposed to have, simply because of how Severus has been and will continue to be a pretty shitty person about several other aspects of the situation

And the big reason why I’m pretty sure Dumbledore was totally flat-out wrong in his conclusions here, about Severus Snape specifically, not about the general principles at work here?

Is that Severus Snape died in DH, and more specifically, the fact that he didn’t even TRY to fight it, like

He fought to stay alive just long enough to put his memories in a phial for Harry to take to the Pensieve so he could fulfill the last important part of his assignment from Dumbledore and get Harry to the Forbidden Forest, and then look at Harry’s eyes and have Feelings about Lily

In grabbing onto Harry like he did, Severus actively prevented him from trying to put together any way of saving Severus’s life — which we KNOW DAMN WELL is possible because Nagini attacked Arthur in OOTP, and much to my chagrin, Arthur lived through it just fine, so the healing process might not have been especially pleasant, but Snape could’ve lived through that

But he didn’t want to, and his refusal to let any of the Trio try to help him is ultimately why he died from a wound that otherwise would have been dangerous but could have been non-fatal

By that point, yeah, his suicidal ideation was compounded by how he didn’t know the whole story and thought that he’d just spent the best part of his adult life letting Dumbledore jerk him by the chain into a cornucopia of shit that Albus refused to take care of himself for various inscrutable Dumble-reasons, and it was all going to add up to betraying Lily again, and irreparably so, because he aided and abetted in Dumbledore raising Harry “like a pig for slaughter” (DH 687)

But, I mean? In POA, he was totally willing to risk getting sent to Azkaban for murdering Remus and Sirius, actually being held accountable for being a shit-bag to his students by doing actual physical harm to three of them (one of whom — Ron — was already injured), and letting the actual traitorous sell-out spy (Peter) go free because he was so thoroughly convinced of Sirius’s guilt and didn’t give a fuck what happened to himself or anyone else (even KNOWING, as he would have by that point, that his job security came down to Dumbledore needing him for some unspecified Big Deal Things that might possibly start happening with Voldemort and Harry)

—all of which completely ceased to matter, even the very real possibility of his own imprisonment and/or Dementor’s Kiss, as long as he got to take Sirius out for allegedly selling Lily out to Voldemort

So, yeah, um.

Severus might be a shit-bag, but that’s not mutually exclusive with being suicidal, which a lot of his behavior throughout the series indicates that he is, so Dumbledore acting like, “ugggh, whatever, Severus. Quit whining and grow the fuck up, you big baby” about it just because Severus is still a shit-bag?

Thaaat’s pretty Not Okay, and Dumbledore was not only wrong in principle, he was also specifically wrong about whether or not Severus’s suicidal ideation was genuine

But this all adds up to a Slytherin-Gryffindor perspective because for all Dumbledore does play the, “If you really loved her” card this time — which gets at the sense of Right vs. Wrong that Severus definitely has, no matter how much he tries to act like he doesn’t — he’s more insistent on, “Oh don’t be useless, what the fuck even is this shit you are on about, Severus, I need you to help me make sure that Lily’s sacrifice actually ends up meaning anything”

Like, the Hufflepuff take on this would be that Lily’s sacrifice has inherent value and meaning because she gave up her own life to try and save her child, and any act of love and loyalty like that doesn’t need to do anything more than be what it is

Dumbledore’s go-to Gryffindor rationale throughout the series for why Lily didn’t die in vain? is always that her sacrifice was so noble, it literally created magical protection for Harry out of nothing but love (and oh yeah, it’s gonna help take down that fucker, Tom, for good, but in a convoluted and roundabout fashion that’s gonna take us like 17 years to really actualize, lmao greater good tho right)

A potential Ravenclaw approach to finding the value in Lily’s death would be like, “so what can we learn from this”

Dumbledore plays the Slytherin card with Severus by telling him, “Make sure [Lily’s death] was not in vain. Help me protect Lily’s son” (DH 679) — or in other words, “Severus Tobias Snape, if you want to sit around and feel sorry for yourself, then fine, that’s your own damn business, but Lily’s death will have no practical, pragmatic value or meaning to anyone unless you quit whinging about how you want to die, grow the fuck up, and help me protect her son, thereby doing something of demonstrable value outside the realm of ideals, which is by the way probably what Lily would’ve wanted, considering she died to save the boy.”

Sirius, on the other hand, is a different story and, once again, he and Severus are each other’s flip-side. This time, it’s because while we see Severus expressing suicidal ideation and being dragged out of it by Dumbledore emotionally manipulating him into agreeing to stay alive for a reason (namely, protecting Harry)……?

Based on what we can construct of the timeline of events covering October 31st and November 2nd, 1981, Sirius was feeling suicidal after finding James and Lily dead and Harry orphaned, but he was planning not to act on it and planning to stay alive without going and doing anything dangerous to himself or anyone else — until Hagrid took Harry away from him on Dumbledore’s orders

(which I am still pretty sure is legally kidnapping but okay??

we get it, Albus, you dumble-don’t give a fuck, but come on, Prof, this is pretty bullshit???)

This old post from last year is a little all over the place, arguable more so than this one because I at least kind of tried to rein this one in and that one…… not so much — but it has my longer, fuller, and more in depth proof of Why Sirius Black Was DEFINITELY Suicidal When He Went After Peter With A Mind To Kill Him

That said, the high points of the argument are:

1. James and Lily were dead.

If only Lily had died, yes, Sirius would’ve been devastated because she was his friend, too, and he did love her, and it would’ve sucked…… but not as much as losing James sucked for him. With James still alive, Sirius would have been a lot less fucked up and motivated to fight off any of his own suicidal impulses in the name of helping James.

Conversely, if only James had died, Sirius would have been more of a human disaster than usual, but given his behavior in canon, he probably would have tried really hard to resist his own suicidal ideation because he knew how much James loved Lily, and he would’ve known that James would’ve wanted his best friend/surrogate brother/“third greatest love in the universe after Harry and Lily” to stay alive to help Lily and Harry as much as possible.

But in canon, both of the Potters are gone, leaving Sirius devastated and without a Potter to cling to in the name of talking himself down from anything. Except for……

2. Harry. Harry, his godson. Harry, his godson whom he is now supposed to be raising, and explicitly wants to raise because that is what James and Lily wanted — which we KNOW Sirius tried to make happen because he told Hagrid, “Give Harry to me, I’m his godfather, I’ve got to raise him now.”

Harry, his godson who was just kidnapped from him by executive order of Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class, etc. etc. and so on — whom Sirius has no reason to believe he can win against in the ensuing custody battle.

I mean? I love, “Sirius stuns Hagrid, takes Harry and runs to Remus, and they proceed to raise Harry, fuck that DE’s and the dumble-haters, lmao” AUs as much as the next Wolfstar shipper, buuuuuut here’s the thing

Dumbledore is Dumbledore, and although Sirius has the legal authority in this situation, being Harry’s godfather and presumably listed as his legal guardian in the event of anything happening to James and Lily, Dumbledore being Dumbledore counts for a LOT.

Like, you know the one Douglas Adams quote from the Hitchhiker’s Guide books about how space is big, really really big, there are no words for just how unfathomably big it really?

Yeah, that’s kind of the scale canon!Dumbledore is usually working on, relative to everyone else, when he just does whatever he feels like doing and goes, “greater good lol” and nobody does shit about anything to stop him

Even in a case like this where the Ministry is nominally on Sirius’s side because he has legal custody of Harry, uhhh. Dumbledore has a lot of people who owe him favors, and a lot of strings that he can pull when he wants to do so, and I don’t believe for a second that he’s above trying to publicly discredit Sirius through any means necessary

—Like, I don’t even think he’s above trying things like, “oh Sirius Black has sex with men and is a member of a family known for their ties to the Dark Arts, never mind that they disowned him and he was a member of the Order, he’s a sexual deviant from an abusive Blood Purist shit-show of a family, therefore he is unfit to be this child’s godfather, I’m right and he’s wrong, vote for me,” even as a gay man who, strictly speaking, has way worse taste than Sirius, since last time I checked? Sirius Black hasn’t fucked any would-be magical-fascist despots recently, Albus.

Even if Albus wouldn’t necessarily resort to that right off the bat, if at all, though? Sirius knows that most people who go up against Dumbledore about anything, ever, do not come out ahead. Mostly, they get their asses handed to them, so Sirius has valid reason to think that he’s never going to see his godson, much less raise Harry like James and Lily wanted, ever again

Which takes away the, “Raising Harry is what James and Lily wanted, fuck your own feelings and your suicidal ideation, you have to stay alive for the sake of raising your godson and doing right by those two people you loved, who trusted you with the tiny human who was the single most important thing in the world to both of them and whom they both died to protect” reason that Sirius had to live

Basically, if only one of Harry’s parents had died, Sirius would’ve tried to fight his own suicidal ideation and stay alive because it would’ve been what James either needed or would’ve wanted.

With both of them dead, he wanted to fight his own mind and his own impulses and stay alive for Harry in the name of honoring their wishes and their sacrifice, living as they would have wanted and trying to best actualize what they would have wanted for their son (and kinda for himself but mostly for their son)

He gets that desire back after a certain point in POA, and the big thing that keeps Sirius relatively on the rails — as much as he can manage, given the circumstances — in GOF and OOTP? Is having the ability to “fulfill his duty as godfather” and be there for Harry as much as he can.

Like, while he’s otherwise falling apart in OOTP, for very understandable reasons? “I need to be there for Harry, he needs me and it’s what James and Lily would’ve wanted, I can’t honor what they wanted for their son if I do anything to screw up by Harry” is the one damn thing that keeps him from completely going into a tailspin

And it might be helping himself through the desire to help someone else, because unfortunately, Sirius Black does not love himself as much as he deserves and that’s one of the only ways that he feels like his life has any value at all — thanks for that, Walburga, Orion, Bellatrix, and possibly also Regulus and Narcissa — but still?

If being willing to live for someone, while acknowledging that dying is remarkably easy and living can be really damn difficult (especially in a case like Sirius’s), and being willing to fight your own mind to live for someone else’s benefit

Just

If that’s not loyalty, then I don’t know what is.

And if it’s not loyalty that Helga “loyalty, assholes, it’s our thing” Hufflepuff wouldn’t have been damn proud of, then I would really like to know what her actual standards are, because I don’t understand them

But as I was saying

3. The whole way that he goes after Peter doesn’t make any freaking sense if Sirius intended to walk out of it alive

Like, first of all, let’s flash-forward to POA: Sirius knows damn well that murdering Peter is going to get him sent back to Azkaban OR straight-up Dementor-Kissed.

He knows that letting Remus help will almost definitely get REMUS Dementor-Kissed because not only will Remus be a murderer, he’ll be a murderer who is also a werewolf, and magical Britain’s institutionalized anti-werewolf prejudices all but guarantee that Remus won’t be allowed to live after committing a murder.

Neither of these things matters to him at all — or to Remus, for that matter — until Harry goes, “No, wait, we need to hand Pettigrew over to the authorities and this can get Sirius exonerated, what the fuck, my dad didn’t die for you two to become vengeance-murderers, that’s not what he would’ve wanted” and Remus and Sirius are both like, “well shit, that literally never occurred to me”

Both of them were totally willing to sign themselves up for an almost certain fate worse than death in the name of getting vengeance for James, because James would’ve died for his friends, so the fair thing to repay that with, for Sirius and Remus, is to kill Peter for his betrayal and very likely get themselves worse than killed as a result

But back to November 1981: Sirius goes after Peter with no ostensible plan beyond, “Find bastard, kill bastard, the end, whatever happens next is up to Merlin or whoever”

There’s no thought of, “Maybe it’s not hopeless to fight this blatant kidnapping of my godson by Dumbledore and get Harry away from Lily’s horrible sister and her garbage husband”

There’s no thought of, “Maybe I should go tell Remus the fuck what happened and beg his forgiveness for thinking he was the spy and get him to help me with this somehow — I don’t even know how, but fuck it, Moony’s the smart AND responsible one, maybe he’ll have an idea how the fuck to handle this”

There’s no thought of, “Maybe someone else in the Order will object to Dumbledore kidnapping Harry and help me, somehow, I don’t even know how, but we have at least three Big Deal Aurors in the Order, and Moody, Frank, and Alice might have some kind of idea of what the fuck I can do — Hell, maybe Frank and Alice will even offer to take Harry in some capacity until I can somehow prove that I’m not a total fuck-up who’s unfit to raise my godson, they’re already parents and their son is Harry’s age, maybe this’ll work”

It’s just, “James and Lily are dead, my godson has been taken from me, Remus will probably never forgive me for this one — I already screwed him over bad enough when I didn’t think about what might’ve happened to him if he’d actually killed Snape that night, and this time, I didn’t trust him and it got James and Lily killed, and Harry kidnapped to live with his Muggle aunt and uncle, who hated both of his parents and have shown no one any reason to trust them with Harry, ever, and I’m pretty sure that’s Remus’s limit, it HAS TO BE his limit — there is no hope to do what James (and Lily) would have REALLY wanted, the best I can do is get justice/vengeance for them, even at the cost of my own life if need be. Where the fucking fuck is Peter, I am going to fucking kill him.”

The complete lack of planning and commitment to doing this at any possible expense to himself, even his own death, is really evident in how Sirius started going after Peter in the middle of a crowded street

Like, that’s part of how Peter played him — because he made noise first and went SIRIUS HOW COULD YOU BETRAY JAMES AND LILY!!! before Sirius ever had a wand on him, and people heard him shouting that, they told the people who eventually showed up from the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes that Peter shouted that, and Cornelius Fudge remembers it so vividly that he brings it up in the Three Broomsticks with Minerva, Hagrid, Rosmerta, and Flitwick

But Sirius wasn’t thinking about anything that could’ve been part of the future, just about killing Peter and doing the only thing he thought he could still do for James and Lily and what they would’ve wanted

Only for it to spectacularly backfire and Peter to slip away as Wormtail/Scabbers, and leave Sirius to face the music for a fate worse than death — since…… even if it’s not a Dementor’s Kiss, uh. Going to Azkaban?

If it’s a choice between that and dying, I personally might just pick death but I guess I’d need to know if I gain any form of hella Dementor resistance by virtue of already being clinically depressed for as long as I can remember, like? Does it make me more vulnerable to them, or does it mean that I can go like, “yeah whatever, Brenda, joke’s on you because I can do ten times worse to myself without any help from you :)” at Brenda The Dementor Apparently, or is there some other outcome here?

—but that being said.

Sirius wanted to die when he went to hunt down Peter, and his behaviors generally seem to suggest that, had everything gone to his plan (as far as he actually planned, uh, anything?), then it would’ve been a murder-suicide, possibly through suicide by Auror or something but that’s kinda asking a lot from Sirius in the planning department, more than he was probably capable of at the moment

4. Sirius says that he would’ve died rather than betray James and Lily. He also says, “Harry … I as good as killed them… I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as the Secret-Keeper instead of me… I’m to blame, I know it…” (POA 365). So it’s really not a huge logical leap, even without the above three points and the next one below this, to think that Sirius might feel suicidal, and might feel like he deserves to die for his role in the events surrounding James and Lily’s deaths.

and 5. He gave Hagrid his flying motorbike — which he pretty definitely would’ve made work by himself, rather than buying it off of someone as a flying motorbike, because flying carpets, flying Ford Anglias, and flying motorbikes are illegal and if he’d bought it off of someone and it was already capable of flying, both of them would’ve been due for a visit from the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts inquisitors — and specifically said that he wouldn’t need it anymore

The original proof has a lot of thought on the motorbike issue that can also be evidence in the, “Sirius is actually a hard worker, he’s probably just not motivated at SCHOOL, and honestly, I’m not sure I blame him, considering how Hogwarts is kind of an educational shit-show” argument

But this point is part of the, “Sirius was suicidal” proof because giving Hagrid one of his most treasured earthly possessions and saying that he wouldn’t need it anymore? Is freaking TEXTBOOK suicidal behavior

Like, some variation on, “giving away prized possessions and favorite things” is in every “how to recognize suicidal behavior” pamphlet, on every “how to help someone who is suicidal” website, in every textbook I’ve ever seen that has anything to do with suicide at any point

It’s one of the best known hallmark signs of someone who is not well and probably needs help, like, NOW

So, no, Sirius might not say, “I wish I were dead” like Severus does…… but even without saying those words exactly or even a variation on them, JKR makes it pretty clear that Sirius was fixing to die when he went looking for Peter

All of which goes back to Hufflepuff or Hufflepuff secondary!Sirius because, as I harped on through that whole spiel, everything about this entire situation came back to loyalty, for him

He wanted to keep living, initially, because it was what James and Lily wanted for their son, because it was what Harry needed from his godfather, and they were Sirius’s family whom he loved more than his own life and valued more than any of his own desires, and would have fought his own mind to live for even when he otherwise wanted to die

That all came crashing down not because letting Peter get away with killing Lily and James was morally wrong, or even because Sirius couldn’t let that betrayal go unpunished, but specifically after and as a direct result of Dumbledore making Hagrid kidnap Harry, thereby:

1. taking away Sirius’s family

2. denying him the ability to see James and Lily’s wishes for their son actualized for real

3. sending Harry to the Dursleys, which Sirius probably had at least SOME idea wasn’t what James and Lily would’ve wanted (it’s safe to say that he didn’t know about the abuse, or else he never would’ve suggested that Harry might’ve wanted to go back to Privet Drive rather than living with him, and even with the low opinion he was likely to have had of the Dursleys, he might’ve had some reason to think that at the very least Petunia would possibly honor her late sister’s wishes and love for her son by, idk, NOT horrifically abusing Harry)

4. doing all of this in a way that gave Sirius pretty fair reason to feel like there was no hope for him to fight against Dumbledore on this one, even though he was Harry’s legal guardian now so the Ministry should have been on his side in the matter of, “so, who gets custody of this tragical Chosen orphan”

and 5. pushing Sirius against a wall in a way where he would’ve felt like, “well this life is garbage, what’s the best way to get any justice/vengeance/whatever for Lily and James because that is the only thing left for me anymore”

On one hand, the desperate, agonized laughter that Sirius had going when the Aurors brought him in? Was probably due in some part to how he’d tried to be loyal to James and Lily, even if it meant that he couldn’t see them or Harry while they were in hiding because of how the Fidelius Charm works, and it had gotten them killed… then he’d tried to be loyal by raising his godson as they’d intended and Harry had been kidnapped away on Dumbledore’s orders… then he’d tried to do the only thing he could to be loyal anymore, and not only did he fail to kill Peter, but it also got twelve innocent civilians killed and he didn’t even die properly himself…

I mean. That’s well past the point where I would’ve broken down into total, “what the fuck even is my life, why am I trying to do everything right and only getting it wrong and making everything even worse” desperate pained laughter at the absurdity and unfairness of it all — and I don’t even prize loyalty as highly or in the same way as Sirius

But on the other, loyalty then became one of the only things that kept him relatively sane throughout his time in Azkaban — because by his own standards for and definitions of loyalty, Sirius was equally guilty in James and Lily’s murders as Peter was, which made any of these thoughts easy for the Dementors to leave him at the mercy of.

His innocence of selling them out and murdering Peter and twelve Muggles wasn’t a happy thought even without the self-punishing sort of angle, because in getting to that point, he’d betrayed Remus (thinking he’d been the spy), unwittingly been party to betraying Lily and James, been unable to keep Harry from getting sent to live with the Dursleys, and Peter had betrayed all of them and gotten away with it — and all of this meant that his innocence was one of the only things the Dementors couldn’t take from him that wouldn’t be quite as horrible and possibly debilitating as memories of his abusive parents, the brother he’d failed to save, being involved in an active civil war……

And finally, he broke out to pursue the one goal that had sustained him for just over twelve miserable years of torture — killing Peter in vengeance/as justice for James and Lily, and getting whatever was coming to him after that, with him probably hoping it was death or a Dementor’s Kiss, because that would be a fitting punishment for a traitor, in his mind — because thanks to Peter-Scabbers being in the Weasleys’ picture in the Prophet, Sirius got the miracle clue that he needed and could finally do the only thing he thought he could still do right by James and Lily

What talked him down from that, in the end? Harry, on two counts:

1. Harry going, “what the shit, my dad didn’t die for this, he wouldn’t have wanted his best friends to become murderers, not even for his sake”

(which… is a remarkably chill thing for him to say, after he’s totally intended to kill Sirius, assumed with Hermione that Remus had been helping Sirius and flown off the handle at him, capslocked at Snape because he was being obtrusive and getting in the way of Harry learning the whole truth, cast Expelliarmus at Snape with Ron and Hermione and in so doing knocked him out cold for like 20+ minutes whoops, had his preconceived notions about everything completely rearranged, and been brought face to face with his parents’ actual betrayer, who proceeded to try and blame Sirius, then manipulate Harry for mercy.

just…… Harry James Potter, everybody. please give this boy some credit for having one of the most singularly un-chill nights that a person could ever possibly have, and still going, “dude, maybe we shouldn’t straight-up murder the guy who sold my parents out to Voldemort, maybe that isn’t cool and there’s a better way to handle this”

and then please give him a hug and a nap and therapy, jfc help him)

and 2. The eventual moment they have of going

“So btw, I’m your godfather”

“Yeah, I know, I eavesdrop in my dad’s Cloak a lot”

“If you don’t want me in your life once my name’s cleared, I totally get it tho”

“What, like? Come and live with you? Not have to go back to the Dursleys ever again?”

“Yeah, but I get it if you don’t want to, I mean you just met me and had to stop me and Remus from trying to straight up murder a dude right in front of—”

“NO WAY HELL WITH THAT WHERE DO I SIGN UP”

“Wait really”

“YES OH MY GOD PLEASE I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE I WANT TO COME LIVE WITH YOU PLEASE PLEASE CAN I REALLY”

“……………… :DDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!”

and then Remus forgot to take his potion and everything went a bit fuck-up but… y’know. it was really sweet until that interrupted things, and it did still give Sirius a reason to live and, like, NOT just straight up murder Peter.

I forget how I was going to wrap this up

I’m sorry it’s so long and messy

also, I’m narratively at peace with Sirius’s death in a way that I never will be with Remus’s or Tonks’s

but holy shit, all three of them deserved so much better than this

what the fuck, Joanne

this wasn’t necessary

you made your point

Molly and Arthur would’ve actually deserved it because they are terrible, I’m just saying

You could’ve used their deaths to unfairly punish Percy for standing up for himself and leaving a shitty abusive family life, and I know you would’ve enjoyed it because you clearly loved forcing him to grovel and apologize to the people who hurt him just to be allowed to fight in the final battle with the Death Eaters

Why not commit to how much you despise my tall ginger son and kill his parents too, Mum, I’m just saying

Sirius, Remus, and Tonks all deserved better than that

Also, not a single goddamn one of them is straight

Because fuck you, Joanne, that’s why

The end, by me

#someothermonstra #sirius black #hp headcanon #hufflepuff #remus lupin #severus snape #peter pettigrew #james potter #lily evans #otf: fulfilling my duty as godfather #james x lily x sirius #hufflepuff!sirius #mine: hp #mine: headcanons #weasley parents hate blog #remus x sirius #peter x sirius #james x sirius #severus x sirius #not in that it is actually shippy for any of those so much as that……??#i discuss??? those relationships???#but i am still garbage and i do love how much sirius and severus hate each other #they just hate each other SO MUCH & bring out the ABSOLUTE WORST in each other SO WELL #& it makes me do happy seal clapping because i'm garbage & it's super interesting character study stuff for me oops #suicidal ideation cw #abuse ref cw #mental health cw #death cw (lily and james so…… canon death)#okay to rb or whatever idec rn i just need to click publish & make dinner #& look at something not-this for a while bc holy shit i lost control of it oops

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