#remus | ❛ no longer himself but rather what they want. ❜ ( wanted connection. )
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october 3: zombie - 600 words - @jegulus-microfic
James was looking forward to finally being home after a long day at uni and then work. He knows Sirius, with whom he shares a flat, will be at Remus' like he is most nights now, so he expected the flat to be empty. To his surprise he was greeted with the sight of Regulus on the couch. "Oh, hi Reg," he greeted him, he heard a nervousness in his voice that wasn’t normally there. "What are you doing here?"
“I can leave if you want me to,” he answered immediately, scared he wasn’t welcome.
“No it’s fine,” James answered quickly, “stay.” He really wanted Regulus to stay. He had really started to like spending time with him, even though they hadn’t spent any time with just the two of them, but rather in a group setting.
When they are in a group they gravitate to each other. James remembers the time he found himself disappointed when Regulus had to cancel. From that moment on he had considered the possibility that his feelings for the other man went beyond just friendship. He has been ignoring those feelings, he should know better, but if he is realistic he knows it won’t be much longer before everything spills. When James feels something he feels it all over and at full capacity.
“What are you up to,” James asked as he went to sit next to him on the couch and glanced over at his phone, not expecting to see Regulus creating a profile on a dating app.
Regulus, knowing that James had already seen, decided to answer honestly. "It's been almost six months since Barty and I broke up and I haven't been on a date since, embarrassing, I know."
James grabbed his phone, inspecting what he had so far. He had added some pictures and his interests. He had filled in most of the basic information and connected his Spotify. Then he took a look at the things still left blank, "Ooh, profile prompts, sounds fun, lets see" he scrolled through the questions picking one for reg to answer, "How about this one: My zombie apocalypse plan is…"
"Kill myself," Regulus deadpanned, James looked at him bewildered. "I'm not kidding, I'm not dealing with zombies''
James couldn’t help himself and bursted out in laughter. Having an answer at the ready to that question, like he had thought about it before.
"I don't even want to make this stupid profile" Regulus mumbled, blushing lightly and looking away from James.
"Why don't you go on a date with me?" James blurted. It had on his mind for a while, asking Regulus out on a date. He just didn't know how, seeing as he never spoke to him alone and while James was bold he wasn't bold enough to ask Regulus out in Sirius' presence.
Regulus sat there and looked at James without saying anything, just staring at him, emotions flashing over his face in rapid succession.
"Have you had dinner yet?" James asks him next. Regulus shakes his head. "Why don't we have dinner together right now or order something, just you and me, and if you don't want it to be a date we still can get food, just as friends, you know" James rambles. This time he nods his head and his lips form a small smile.
"Okay," he says, his smile growing, "but don't expect too much from me, this is my first first date in a long time." When Regulus looks up at James he has a bright smile on his face and he has his own to match.
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The Punk and the Wolf
(Previous chapter, Part 6, Next chapter)
Remus Lupin x Male Reader
Summary: Set during OFTP, Y/N is Mad Eye Moody's assistant and while staying at Grimmauld place, him and Remus develop a connection.
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Remus was awoken by the rays of warm morning light creeping through the curtains, one ray resting across his face making him scrunch up his noise. The sound of birds was coming from outside. His eyes felt heavy and as expected as he tried to move his body his bones ached and cramped up, drawing a long grown out of the man's lips. At least he was resting on something soft and no the wooden floor, squinting around the room Remus realised he was downstairs in the living room. A chair was knocked over and a couple of pillows thrown about the place but on the whole the damaged seemed minimal. Remus would have been rather embarssed if he's completely wrecked Y/N's parents home, even if they were no longer around he wanted to show his respects.
Cracking his sore neck Remus turned to look around and was unexpectedly met with a pair of wide Y/E/C eyes. Y/N's eyes. Y/N was on the sofa with Remus, not only that the older man realised he was laying on top of Y/Ns stomach on the sofa and there was a blanket draped over them. Y/N pulled a nervous and weary smile and did a little wave down towards Remus "morning" he said through an awkward laugh.
Remus' eyes widen is utter fear "What .. what .. Y/N why are you here?" the tall man shifted his weight off Y/N in a panic, awaiting an explanation. "I couldn't find the key to the door" Y/N confessed "and before I could think of any way to escape you had transformed and made your way downstairs".
"Are you hurt?" Remus' eyes were darting all over Y/N's body looking for any fresh marks. "No I'm perfectly fine ... tired but I'm okay Remus" and Y/N began to explain the night before and how he'd play records to keep Remus' wolf form in a state of calm. However Y/N began to trail off for his eyes were fixed on Remus' now visible bare chest under the blanket, he was lean but muscular and through his chest hair Y/N could see a number of large scars over his ribs, shoulders and hips. Remus followed his stares and upon looking down at himself Remus remembered he was fully naked with the blanket only covering his lower half still laying on top of Y/N.
Eventually both men looked back at one another, assessing the situation. "This must have been very uncomfortable for you during the night, I must be crushing you" and Remus started to attempt to move. "Are you saying you want to get up then?" Y/N said with a more softer quality then normal, he didn't move in the slightest and just stared up at Remus. Despite being back in human form Remus could still feel Y/Ns quickened heart rate vibrating through his chest into Remus', "No." he whispered back after a pause. His shoulders cracked as he slowly lowered himself back down to Y/N's level and Remus let out an exhuasted groan. "It's still early, we don't need to return yet and you need to build up your strength, so let's just stay here for a bit" while saying so Y/N began to brush one hand through Remus' thick hair. Remus placed his head down onto Y/N's chest and felt foolish, he wished he had enough strength to appreciate this moment but his body was not fully recovered yet.
After a comfortable period of silence between them Y/N offered to make some tea and they attempted to untangle themselves off the sofa. During this rearrange the blanket manage to slip down onto the floor leaving Remus completely exposed, "fuck .. I'm sorry" shooting down Remus promptly picked it back up and wrapped it around his toned hips. "No, no it's okay" Y/N let out a little chuckle, followed by his cheeks flushing and his eyes avoiding Remus' "I mean.. I was the one who put the blanket over you in the first place once you transformed back so err ha its nothing I haven't seen before now." Remus placed his head into his hands.
"oh come on moones it's not that bad and besides it just means I win a bet" Y/N said cheerful has he makes his way into the kitchen. "Oh yeah and what was that" Remus asks, removing one hand from his face. "Well I bet with myself that you looked as good out of your clothes as you do in them." and with a grin Y/N disappeared into the next room.
After only ten minutes of additional searching with Remus' help they were able to find the key hidden in the fruit bowl and then it was Y/Ns turn to put his head in his hands from embarrassment. "We were lucky this time Y/N" Remus said seriously, "I can't guarantee every time I'll be so subdued, as much as you promised to look after me I also promised to look after you". As he said this Remus slowly took Y/N's hand in his and rubbed his thumb over Y/N's knuckles. "I understand" Y/N said looking up into Remus' eyes "do you remember anything from last night yourself?".
Remus tilts his head back for a moment and thinks. "I never remember anything clearly, it's like trying to remember a dream I had last night but looking at everything through muggy river water, its all blurred and distorted. I have trouble knowing what is a memory and what is a dream." Remus' grip on Y/N's hand got a little tighter. "In fact I thought I was dreaming of you last night, but I popuse that could have actually been from being next to you....you were very brave Y/N, thank you" and Remus leans down and takes Y/N into a intimate hug. His long arms weaved under Y/N's arms and rested on his shoulder blades, fingertips brushing up against Y/Ns Y/H/C hair. Y/N's own arms simply wrapped around Remus' waist, he felt so safe and comforted in Remus' arms. They both wished they could stay like this for the whole day.
Aperating back to London they were both taken a back by the sharp change in temperature. White clouds of their own breath bellowed out infront of them. A number of suitcases were resting against the front door as they approached. "Looks like Fred and George and the others have arrived back from Hogwarts for the Christmas break!" Y/N said excitly turning to Remus. "You go on ahead to find them, I will see you later" Remus said warmly as they entered the front door. The two man were still holding hands from appearing onto the street and only now with Y/N returning a tender smile towards Remus did they let go of one another, fingers briefly reaching out for one another as they parted.
Remus stood in the hallway alone for a moment, his hand placed on his chest, he felt strange within himself. Both his heart and head felt .. happy. He'd found someone who cared about him, in a mixture of disbelief and joy Remus spent the rest of the day with this exhilarating thought in his mind.
#remus#lupin#remus lupin#90s#gay#remus lupin x male reader#remus x you#remus x reader#fanfic#fluff#remus x y/n#angst#magic#romance#punk#werewolf#storytelling#fantsay
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Foxtail & Wolfsbane 42
Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.
[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.
Note: Part 42 does not contain any smut.
*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!
☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾
The moment you heard what Remus’ wish was, all of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
That’s why I didn’t die. My wish was for the Nine-Tailed Fox to grant Remus’ wish. I assumed that Remus would wish to no longer be a werewolf. Only, Remus wished to be with me. Those wishes are contradictory. Per the terms of the original bargain, I was supposed to die. But obviously, Remus’ wish entailed that I remain alive. The Nine-Tailed Fox’s magic must have gone back-and-forth between us until it caught Artemis’ wish, since Artemis was nestled between us – Artemis, who was chewing on my wand, and who was wishing with all of her heart to become a magical creature.
Seeing you frozen, Remus tried to explain himself. “I realize that it was foolish. Selfish, even. At the time, I didn’t even know that you weren’t with Rowan anymore. But, you see, when you asked me to make a wish, I didn’t realize that it was connected to the Nine-Tailed Fox’s power and that it might actually come true, so I simply let myself think of the silliest wish. You’re under no obligation to - ”
Remus abruptly cut off, as you suddenly reached over and grasped his hands. Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, in a shaky, disbelieving voice, “Me? You wished for me?”
“To be with you,” Remus corrected you gently. “However you wished that relationship to be.”
“Oh,” you murmured, in a barely audible voice. You stared at Remus with wide eyes, unable to comprehend everything that he was saying to you. Well, more accurately put, your mind understood what was going on. After all, you hadn’t been blind to how protective and attentive Remus had been to you over the past few weeks. But your heart – your heart wasn’t ready to let itself believe in such a long-sought-after, forever-far-away fairytale ending.
But there Remus was, standing before you and saying, “Don’t you remember? You always used to say to me that you could be anything I wanted you to be. Every time, I wanted to say it back to you, but I knew I couldn’t live up to that promise given my - my prior condition.” His voice had fallen into a raspy whisper and he was gazing at you with a complicated, almost haunted expression. “I’ve always wanted to… to cherish you.” Holding your hands back, he stepped closer to you. “You understand what I mean, don’t you?”
You blinked nervously. Do I know what he means? I think I do but… Have I gone mad? Is this all a dream? Maybe the magical doorway spat me out in an alternative universe. Anyhow, shouldn’t we be boarding a train? Or did we just get off of one? Godric, I can barely remember where we are. Why is Remus saying all this to me?
Seeing your anxious expression, Remus hastily clarified, “And I don’t mean that you always have to be pinned to my side. Of course not. Rather, I’m happy to watch you go off on all of your adventures – I like that about you, that you’re always chasing something. Only when – that is, only if you ever wanted a home to return to, you could perhaps find one in me…” Remus suddenly broke off, startled. “Lovely? Why are you crying?”
You broke away from Remus and hastily wiped your face. You hadn’t realized that you were crying.
Remus, realizing that you were trying to process everything that was going on, remained where he was, though he unconsciously leaned towards you and reached out an open hand to you, wanting to comfort you.
You kept staring at Remus with wide, tearful eyes, and your hands were on your face, catching and wiping away new tears. “Oh,” you whispered, in a hushed, fervent voice. “Oh.”
Remus abruptly realized how much pressure he had put on you. He had only meant to set the record straight. He hadn’t meant to give such a heartfelt confession, and he had most certainly never intended to pressure you into a confession.
Remus wanted to act cool, but he couldn’t bring himself to act casual in any way, not when it meant so damn much to him. Now that he had given his truth to you, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to hear your reply and he couldn’t help but hope that you might reciprocate. Too late, he realized that he had put himself in the most vulnerable position.
Feeling increasingly anxious, Remus began, “You know you don’t owe me anything. You’ve every right to turn me away, I’m only too aware of that. But I thought, maybe, we could start over because – because I’m not – not – some horrible creature anymore and I wouldn’t have to spend every waking moment trying to protect you from myself now - ” Just then, Remus saw you bite down hard on your lower lip, and your eyes became very sad.
Remus broke off and turned away from you. Swallowing hard, he nervously looked up at the sun and then quickly looked back down to prevent himself from being blinded by that golden orb, hanging questioningly in the sky.
Meanwhile, you were trying very, very hard to force your scattered brain to think of something appropriate to say. You clasped your hands together and looked all over the train station, as if the right words might be written on a signpost somewhere. Finding nothing, you looked back at Remus again, only to find that he was looking away from you.
You bit your lower lip nervously. Come on, come on, say something. Say something clever. Light-hearted. Accepting. Gracious. Heroic. Your eyes fell on the rip in Remus’ cloak. For a moment, you thought distractedly, Wow, that piece of fabric’s hung on for all of our travels. It was ripped even when we were back in the mythical realm… Oh, but who cares about that right now? What am I supposed to say? How do I respond to him?
Remus chose that moment to turn back and look at you.
Your mouth fell open. “Um… There’s a hole in your cloak.”
Remus’s face scrunched up into an entirely bemused expression. He let out a rough breath and furiously ran his hand through his hair. Then, he murmured, “C’mon. Let’s go home.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You didn’t sleep (or manage to unscramble your fried brain) one whit during the entire bus ride back to Grimmauld Place. In truth, both you and Remus wanted to Apparate straight back to Grimmauld Place, but neither of you wanted to suggest it, since it would acknowledge the intense tension suffocating you both.
More than anything, you wanted to reply to Remus and tell him that you reciprocated his feelings, heart for heart. However, there was some strange sadness unfurling in your heart and it was all meshed up with a thrumming, intense anxiety – and all of it felt overwhelming and it choked your voice.
At one stop, someone came onto the bus and creepily leered at you as he sat next to you. Frowning, Remus insisted that you switch seats with him. You protested silently but vehemently, indicating that you were fine. Remus shook his head at you. The man kept looking over at you, and it was making Remus’ palms go all itchy. Finally, Remus gently but firmly guided you over his lap to switch seats with you. “For me,” he whispered to you, as he pulled you across him.
When you felt Remus let go of you, your heart gave a jolt. Wait, no. Don’t let go of me.
You nearly reached for his hand, but you stopped yourself just in time. No, I’ve got to say something first.
You glanced sideways at him. I can’t say I love you, can I?
Hmm, no, you decided. That would be too much, right off the bat.
The voice in your head responded, But anything less than that is a lie.
True.
Nervously tapping your fingers against your thigh, you stole yet another glance at Remus. Should I perhaps just kiss him? That would make my feelings clear, wouldn’t it?
No, I can’t do that, you told yourself, quickly dismissing your terrible idea. It’s too sudden. I need something less than ‘I love you,’ not more.
You wondered for the thousandth time, What should I say? And how come I can’t bring myself to simply say yes?
You let out a long sigh.
“We’re almost home,” Remus said reassuringly, noticing your downcast expression.
Remus thinks I want to get off because of that strange man, you realized. He doesn’t realize that I’m sitting here, dying, because I can’t think of the right thing to say to him.
You shot Remus a morose look. It was only that when he confessed, he sounded like he wanted to start all over again, as if he regretted and wanted to erase our earlier time together. He still seems ashamed that he was a werewolf and it’s almost as if he’s only comfortable approaching me now because he’s no longer a werewolf – as if I couldn’t love him or shouldn’t love him when he was a werewolf. I can’t accept that assumption. I won’t have that. I’ve always loved him, and even if we were to ‘start over’ again, I think I need him to recognize that. Or else it might go all wrong again…
You nervously tugged at your shirt, twisting it in your hands, as you continued to gaze at Remus. I said I was happy to have met you, Remus. Don’t you realize what I was saying? I was telling you that I’ve always loved you, and that regardless of whether you’re a werewolf or not, and despite all of the hurt we put each other through, I loved you… I don’t want you to pretend like you only deserve love now that you’re no longer a werewolf. I have never thought that about you, and I hate that you think of yourself that way – and of me that way. You’re underestimating my feelings for you, yet again. It makes me feel… so lonely.
Remus caught your glum expression. Surprised, he blinked back at you. Have I done something wrong? Remus wondered nervously. I know Lovely said she was fine, and I’m sure she could handle it, but I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable next to the strange man.
The two of you gazed at each other like two lost puppies, unsure of what to do or say, and helpless except to wait for the bus to roll its way to the right stop.
Curses, you thought in your head. This is worse than when we were back in school. What’s become of my bravery, damn it? Why can’t I find the right words to say what I mean?
* * * * * * * * * *
Finally, you and Remus made it home to Grimmauld Place.
Remus entered Grimmauld Place first. When he turned around to reach over you and close the door behind you, you suddenly found yourself somewhat trapped between Remus and the door. You naturally looked up at him, only to find Remus gazing back down at you with soft, almost sad eyes. A big lump rose in your throat. Your hand fumbled over Remus’ wrist for a moment, and then you grabbed on the cuff of his cloak. Remus breathed in sharply – you froze – then, seeing your small hand clutching so tightly at his cloak, Remus slowly began to lean in towards you… You shut your eyes and waited. Your heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings in your chest. Wanting to be patient, but entirely unable to help yourself, you began to push yourself up onto your tiptoes, wishing to meet Remus’ lips faster, when –
“Oi! Moony, is that you?”
Flustered, Remus pulled away from you, and you hastily let go of his cloak.
Suddenly, Sirius, Tonks, and Bill all came galloping down the hallway, with Tonks brandishing a letter in her hand. “Remus! You’ve got an angry librarian on your tail!”
As the three of them circled around Remus, Bill said sagely, “I know you’ve only just come back, but for your own good, I wouldn’t wait on this any longer.”
Sirius shot you a look to make sure that you were all right, but once he had confirmed that you were, he paid attention to Remus, who was bleating out confusedly, “What…?”
Feeling exhausted, despite the fact that your heart was still about to pound right out of your chest, you slipped away and went up to the spare bedroom that you’d occupied before. Pulling off your cloak, you let out a heavy sigh as you flopped over onto the bed.
* * * * * * * * * *
“How in Merlin’s name will I be able to pay this all back?” Remus said hoarsely, staring down at the fee amount typed out in the letter.
“Perhaps you can go and bargain with the library,” Bill suggested.
Remus sighed. “Sure, I suppose that’s the best course of action, at this point.” He made to stand up.
“Moony,” Sirius said, stopping him. “All of the books listed in this letter… Did you go get your fox girl?”
Remus stared at Sirius. Meanwhile, Tonks lifted her head and watched Remus carefully, hopefully.
“Did you?” Sirius prompted.
Remus tried to remain composed and to not indicate how tortured he felt, as he answered, “She hasn’t given a response yet.” He got up from the table. “I’ll be off. Wish me luck.” With that, Remus was gone, without having had a moment’s rest from his whirlwind adventure with you.
* * * * * * * * * *
Once Remus was gone, Bill turned to Sirius and asked, “When you said ‘fox,’ did you mean…?”
Sirius nodded. “Yeah, her.”
“Huh,” Bill said. “I wouldn’t have guessed. Lupin did a good job of hiding his feelings for her.”
“Really?” Tonks said, smiling a bit sadly. “I thought he was rather obvious about it.” She reached over and played with the salt shaker in her hand as she murmured, “I can’t believe she didn’t just say yes. I would’ve.”
Sirius sighed lowly. “They’re both complete idiots.”
“What d’you mean?”
“Well,” Sirius explained, “before, I always thought Remus was always the intelligent one among us. James came close, but he was so bloody hyper that he couldn’t stay still enough to pay attention to his own brain. But watching Remus and fox girl together… It’s like watching a dumb baby fox and a dim-witted baby wolf chasing each other’s tails.”
Bill shrugged. “Sounds cute.”
Sirius snorted. “It’s a mind numbingly stupid relationship. They could have had each other ages ago if one of them would just stay still.”
* * * * * * * * * *
You found that coming back to Grimmauld Place was both a blessing and a curse. You were able to lie on a bed and sit alone with your thoughts, which was a blessing. However, now that you were alone with your thoughts, you were intensely aware of the situation you were in and it made you so anxious that you thought you might shrivel up and die.
I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, and yet, now that it’s come to it, I’m scared to follow through with it. It’s so hard to explain, but it’s always more difficult than you expect when your dream becomes reality. Like when I finally found the Nine-Tailed Fox, it’s more than what I expected, and that’s wonderful, but it’s also completely terrifying.
You stared up at the ceiling, with your mind ringing. I wonder what Remus is thinking… Sirius and Tonks ran right up to him as soon as we came back, holding a piece of parchment… I wonder what that was about. I felt like I was simply in the way and I couldn’t bear just standing next to Remus, when I thought we were really going to… to kiss…
With a groan, you rolled over and put your pillow on top of your head. Ugh, I’ve got such a terrible headache. I need to rest. But I wonder what Remus is doing now. It seemed serious. I do hope he hasn’t been sent on an Order mission straight away. He really needs to rest, too.
As usual, your curiosity got the better of you. After only a few more minutes, you tossed your pillow to your side and made your way downstairs.
Sirius was standing in the hallway, all alone. It looked like he had just closed the door.
You called out, “Sirius?”
Sirius turned around. You saw that he was holding a piece of parchment in his hand.
When Sirius saw you, he said at once, “What’s the matter with you? Tormenting Remus like that, after all he’s done for you.”
You blinked, alarmed. “What? I haven’t tormented Remus. I would never.”
“Well, the problem is – you’re doing it anyways,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.
You came down the hallway, until you were standing before Sirius. “Sirius. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“About what?”
“That it was Remus who was the shapeshifter, not you.”
“Oh.” Sirius sighed. He ran his hand through his hair as he thought through his answer. “Well… It’s Remus, you know? He’s the kind-of person who’ll run away from something he wants if he doesn’t believe he deserves it. I’m sure you felt it – that whenever he had to face the fact that he was a werewolf, he distanced himself from you.”
“Yes,” you agreed. “Although, I didn’t know that was the reason, back then. I simply thought that he… well, that Remus didn’t like me as much as I liked him.”
Sirius shook his head. “If you had truly found out that Remus was a werewolf, back then, I don’t think anything could have stopped Remus from tearing himself away from you. He wouldn’t have even given you the chance to make up your mind about whether or not you were okay with it. He’d have decided for himself that you deserved better, and he would have up and left. I didn’t want that to happen. Remus is my best mate and all.” He shot you a soft smile. “If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for him.”
You stared down at your hands for a moment. Then, you murmured quietly, “Me, too.”
“You say that, but I think you’re the one pushing Remus away this time,” Sirius said, a bit impatiently.
Your brow furrowed as you said, rather forcefully, “I am not. I would never. Not Remus.” However, a thought occurred to you and you abruptly asked, “Speaking of, where is Remus?”
Sirius stared at you impassively as he informed you, “He went off to go beg forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness? For what?”
“For defacing books.”
“Huh?”
Sirius handed you the piece of parchment. You read it. “To a certain wayward Remus J. Lupin: It has come to our attention that you defaced the following books by ripping pages out of them. Unfortunately, these books have now been deemed ‘damaged’ and you are responsible for paying the following amount to replace the value of these books: two hundred and sixty Galleons. This calculated fee is for the replacement of Mysteries of the Lost Forests; Maps of the Ancient World Volumes I, I, and II; The Secret Geography of Japan; Magical Doorways and Cupboards: How Not to Lose Your Head by Accidental Head-Sticking-into-Dangerous-Holes…
Sirius watched your expression as you realized what this letter was about. Finally, he said, in a quiet voice, “Listen, I know that Remus isn’t the best at stepping up for himself, but he went after you, right? I’d say he’s done as much as his fragile heart allows him to. Couldn’t you take the rest and meet him halfway?”
Remus came after me… That’s right. And could I – could I meet him halfway? You let out a hard breath. Then, gripping the letter in your hand, you ran out.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus was desperately trying to make his case before the extremely angry librarian. “Please,” he wheedled, “I’ll make the payments. I simply need more time - ”
Unaccepting of his pleas, the librarian shot back, “You have had two months, young man - ”
“I’ll pay!” You came running into the Muggle library, holding a small object high in the air. You slammed it down before the librarian. “I’ll pay.”
The librarian stared at the object. She lifted it up and looked at you suspiciously. Keeping her voice very low, she whispered, “This is a Muggle credit card.”
“I know,” you said. “But it’s all I’ve got for now. Could you swipe it, please? Erase his fees…”
“Fine,” the librarian snapped. She swiped the card and then handed it back to you. “If it’s theft - ”
“It’s not,” you assured her. “I come from a Muggle family.”
The librarian harrumphed at you, but let you and Remus go.
As the two of you left the library, Remus asked you, “How did you know -?”
“Sirius.”
“Ah…”
“I didn’t realize that all of those pages you lost in the mythical realm came from regular library books,” you said, laughing a little. “We should have collected them before we came back.”
Remus gave you a sheepish look. “It wouldn’t have mattered, since I tore the pages out of all the books. What I really should have done is paid more attention to everything you told me when we were back at school. Then, I wouldn’t have had to go defacing all these books.”
“Mm,” you agreed.
Your eyes met with Remus’. “But you were plenty attentive to me in school.”
Remus paused. “Was I?”
“I think so.” You carefully reached over and ran the tip of your index finger very lightly along the rip in the shoulder of his cloak. Remus jolted a little when he felt your touch, but he pretended not to react. “Remus…”
“Y-Yes?”
“You still haven’t mended your cloak.”
Remus replied, slightly hoarsely, “Well, no… I haven’t had time, you see. As soon as I got back, I was threatened by that librarian back there.”
“She was very angry,” you agreed, speaking very quietly.
“Very.”
“Very much so…”
You both leaned in towards one another…
Just then, a scarlet letter zoomed between your faces. Startled, you both leapt back.
The letter turned and began to speak: “Er – Arthur Weasley here, your mother wanted to pass on a message…” A deafening screech interrupted Arthur and rang out, “HOW DARE YOU EXPENSE MY CREDIT CARD WITHOUT WARNING? AND WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO WARRANT SUCH A HIGH EXPENSE? YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! DAUGHTER OR NOT, YOU’RE A THIEF AND - !”
At that moment, the librarian rushed out of the library doors. She ran towards you, shouting, “I knew it! Come back here!”
“Shall we go?” Remus said hastily, already grabbing your hand.
“Yes. Only, what is this?” You pulled your hand back in surprise. “Er – Remus, why have you got lemon drops?”
“Gift from Dumbledore.”
“What? From Dumble - ?”
“WHY ARE YOU GOING AROUND DEFACING BOOKS?”
“I KNEW YOU WERE A THIEF! I SHALL REPORT YOU TO THE MINISTRY AND - !”
“Let’s discuss this later, shall we?”
“Right,” you agreed.
The two of you quickly held hands again and turned – CRACK!, Apparating back to Grimmauld Place.
* * * * * * * * * *
You and Remus stumbled into Grimmauld Place together.
“Merlin,” you choked out, grabbing at the wall, “that was quite – quite a fiasco.”
Remus agreed, nodding haggardly at you.
You frowned at him. “Remus? You don’t look so well…”
In fact, Remus looked pale and sickly. You lifted your hand and touched his forehead.
You gasped. “You’re running a fever!”
“I’m fine,” Remus murmured, shaking his head until your hand fell off of his forehead.
“You’re not fine,” you argued back. You pressed your hand against his cheek again. “Your temperature is ridiculously high. We’ve got to get you to bed.”
“No,” Remus protested. He grabbed your hand. “Not until…”
“Don’t be foolish,” you snapped. Sliding your arm under his arm, you pulled Remus forward. “You need to get to bed. I’ll bring you a Cool-Down Potion, all right?”
Remus blinked tiredly as he let you guide him down the hallway. “But… I haven’t heard…”
You pulled Remus up the stairs and into his room. The stairs took quite a lot out of Remus. He fell over into his bed at once.
“It’s because you haven’t rested at all,” you realized, as you hurriedly tucked Remus under the covers. “You didn’t sleep on the train or the bus and then you immediately raced out to the library.”
You made Remus drink the Potion and water.
Then, as Remus laid back in bed, you berated him gently, “Why are you so terrible at taking care of yourself?”
“…Was… werewolf,” Remus sighed out, with his eyes closed.
You shook your head. “It’s not just that. You never put yourself first, even when you ought to...” You reached out and gently brushed back the curl from his forehead. You smiled, though a bit sadly at him. You wrung out a damp towel and laid it on his forehead with utmost care.
Remus’ breathing slowed a little. In fact, he seemed to breathe a lot easier as the stress of everything bled away from his body.
Be well, my love, you thought. You put too much stress on yourself for everything.
As you watched Remus sleep, you found yourself musing, At times like this, I wish I still had the Nine-Tailed Fox within my soul. She could heal you… You reached into your pocket and brought out your good luck charm – the foxtail key chain. You laid it on the bedside table besides Remus’ bed. For good luck.
An hour later, you brought over another damp towel to replace the one on his forehead. As you tiredly brushed back his stubborn curl of hair, you smiled a little, for you realized that, in a way, you’d really missed taking care of Remus.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remus’ fever broke around four that morning. With a sigh of relief, you tiredly made your way down to the kitchen to grab a drink of water and a bite to eat for yourself. As you drank your water, however, your eyes fell onto a pear and an orange, sitting in a fruit bowl on the counter.
Little things, you thought. How homely. Without thinking about it, you reached over for them…
* * * * * * * * * *
When Remus woke, he found Sirius dozing about at his side.
“Pads?” Remus croaked out.
Sirius mumbled, “Go away” and buried his head more firmly against Remus’ sheets.
Remus reached out and poked Sirius in the shoulder. “Pads, I’m fine now.”
“You’re fine?” Sirius said sleepily.
“Yes.”
“Then move over.” Sirius reached out and pushed Remus off his own bed.
“Sirius!” Remus yelped, as he slid off the bed and onto the floor.
Sirius yawned. Curling up on the edge of the bed, he closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
Grumbling, Remus got up and decided to take a shower. Thankfully, he truly did feel fine. He figured that his fever yesterday had been more a result of exhaustion than anything else.
As Remus walked over to the dresser to grab a clean set of clothes, his eyes fell onto the small keychain on top of his bedside table. He came closer and picked it up. Instantly, he knew what it was.
Lovely… He held it tightly in his hand for a moment. I’m still waiting for your response.
* * * * * * * * * *
To Remus’ dismay, he didn’t see you for the entire day. No one seemed to know where you had gone. Remus tried to act normal – to talk to Sirius, Bill, and Tonks; to eat the huge helping of soup that Molly made him; and to apologize to Moody for taking off on the Order without any notice.
In truth, Remus was getting increasingly nervous. What if Lovely left? What if a new myth sprung up out of nowhere and called to her? Or what if I put too much pressure on her?
By nightfall, Remus was feeling miserable. He curled up on his bed (with new, clean sheets, courtesy of Molly) and stared out at the hauntingly bright full moon.
I’m fully human now, but sometimes, when it’s the full moon, I still feel a strange growling in my chest. I suppose this is what some people mean by ‘phantom limb.’
But today, I know what the growling’s about. It’s a hunger and an impatience and a worry – for Lovely.
Just then, someone knocked on his bedroom door. Knock, knock.
Remus got off of the bed and tiredly shuffled over to the door. He didn’t even bother to push up the too-long sleeves of his jumper as he reached out and grasped the doorknob and turned it. he opened the door –
“Um, sorry to bother you,” you said softly.
Remus breathed out. “No, not at all.” He paused, before he murmured, in a soft rush, “I’m glad to see you. When I didn’t see you all day, I wondered if maybe you’d left…”
“No, I didn’t leave. I merely went out for a little while. I mean, I didn’t mean to stay out quite this late. I simply lost track of time.”
“Yes, you do that sometimes.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, often.”
“Oh…”
You both fell silent for a moment. Remus looked at you curiously. You were wearing an oversized, frumpy cardigan and your hair was a soft mess. Perhaps you had pinned it up in the morning, but it was now falling lopsided down the side of your head. Your socks were mismatched and one of your shoelaces was untied. You had dark circles under your eyes and you were looking a bit peaky.
You flushed slightly, thinking that Remus was trying to figure out what you wanted so that he could send you on your way. “I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I realize it’s three in the morning, but I’ve only now returned. ”
“Is it three?” Remus mused. “I didn’t know.”
“Right, you must have been sleeping. Sorry.”
“No, I was… thinking.”
“Well, may I come in?” you asked. “Or would I be bothering you?”
Remus opened his door further, so that you could walk in.
As you came in, Remus realized, “Wait. You only just returned? What were you out doing?”
Meanwhile, you sat on the floor. Remus realized then that you had been carrying a rather hefty bag on your shoulder. You dropped it down onto the floor and it made a rather clunky thunk! sound, as you answered brightly, “Shopping.”
Sitting next to you, Remus asked, “What did you buy?”
You reached into your bag and pulled out a small box, which you handed to Remus. “Here.”
Remus looked down at it. “A sewing kit?”
“To patch up the hole in your cloak,” you reminded him.
“Ah, yes. Thank you.” Remus began to get up, to put the sewing kit on the bedside table, next to your foxtail key chain when suddenly, you put a mug into his lap.
“Take this too,” you said earnestly.
Confused, Remus looked back down. “Oh…”
You placed an Earl Grey tea bag carefully on top of the mug. “And this.”
“Thanks,” Remus said. “I’ll save this for the morn - ”
You reached back into your bag and pulled out an orange before placing it in Remus’ lap, too. “Also this.”
“Er, thank you - ”
“Hold it, wait. Yes, here we are. Have these, Remus.” Out came a pear, followed by three chocolate bars.
“Thanks very much.”
“And… Oh, where’d that thing go?” You put your hand back into your bag and rummaged around, only to fish out a spool of knitting yarn.
Seeing that there was no space on Remus’ lap, you put the yarn on the floor, next to his knee.
“Thank – Um, what is all of this?” Remus finally asked, bewildered.
“One second, Rem.” Instead of answering Remus, you were busy tugging out a jazz record from the depths of what Remus now realized was a very big bag. You pushed the record towards Remus, accidentally pushing the yarn up onto his lap, on top of the fruit.
Remus thought you were done, when you revealed that you had also brought an Astronomy book and a blue, glittering tapestry-like blanket, featuring different stars and constellations.
“It’s not exactly the same as before, but I thought it would suffice.” You pushed the heavy book and blanket towards Remus, and the jazz record now piled into his lap and dug slightly into his stomach.
Having had enough, Remus finally grabbed your hands to stop your seeming bout of madness. “Lovely, what are you doing? Suffice for what?”
You stopped. Oh… He hasn’t realized yet.
Remus realized that your hands were trembling – very slightly, but definitely trembling.
Suddenly worried, Remus whispered, “Lovely?”
You lifted your head. The moonlight illuminated your face and Remus could see soft tears in your eyes, threatening to spill over.
“Is this why you’ve been gone all day?” Remus asked you. “Were you gathering all of these things?”
You slowly nodded.
Remus was still holding onto your wrists. You slid your hands down into his and then started to slip your fingers between his. Realizing what you wanted, Remus quickly opened his hands a little, so that you could hold his hands.
“But why?” Remus wondered, and he spoke in the gentlest voice possible. “Is something wrong?” His breath caught. “Do you mean to leave again, and that’s why you’ve brought me all of these things – to say goodbye with?”
Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, “No, I’m not planning on leaving.”
Remus let out a hard breath.
You were a bit surprised by how hard your words seem to hit Remus. You’d never thought about leaving Remus, honestly. “Remus?” you said, concerned. “Were you worried that I had left?”
“I know it’s not logical,” Remus replied quickly. “And I know, too, that I’ve practiced saying goodbye to you a thousand times over.”
“But I can’t help it,” Remus continued. He squeezed your hands back as he spoke. “No matter how many times we say good-bye, no matter how distant you and I are supposed to be, no matter how many other people are around me… If I have to go through the world, without any link to you, I can survive, yes, but I feel lonely. I feel so lonely.”
“Oh, Remus…” you whispered feelingly.
“Sorry, I’m being too much,” he apologized, unable to meet your eyes.
“No, you’re not. I know,” you assured him.
Remus cautiously lifted his head. “You do?”
“Yes.” As you spoke, your answer was so honest that you felt your heart ache, and you suddenly felt like crying.
Remus gazed into your eyes. “You’re about to cry… Why, Lovely? I didn’t mean to hurt you again.”
You shook your head. “It’s only that I know that loneliness so well.”
Remus’ eyes dimmed. “I’m sorry,” he said, recognizing, even without you telling him, that he was the one who gave you that loneliness, the same way you gave him his.
“But you said I’m allowed to find a home in you, between my adventures…” Your voice lilted slightly, uncertainly, as you checked, “Right?”
Remus replied confidently, “Yes, I can offer that to you now. It’s finally a promise that I can keep.”
“Because you’re no longer a werewolf?” you whispered.
When Remus nodded, you sighed. “Remus… If that’s what you truly think, that makes me feel lonely, too.”
Remus’ expression became one of complete confusion. “What? Why?”
Bringing one of his hands up to your lips, you brushed your lips against the back of Remus’ hand as you murmured, “Because the truth is that I already found one in you all those years ago, when you and I shared that small attic space. I don’t think you realized it, but when you started to bring your things up to that space, one by one, I felt so happy. At the same time that you were making what was once my space ours, I was… I was finding a home in you…” You shivered suddenly. “I tried not to let you know how much it all meant to me because I was afraid you might run away from me.”
Remus’ eyes softened, but they also saddened, as he whispered, “I wouldn’t have run away from you because of you, Lovely. I would have run away from you – I did run away from you – to spare you from me.”
“That,” you whispered fervently. “That is the point that we have to talk about before we – before we fall in love all over again.”
Remus shook his head, not comprehending you.
“Don’t you see?” you urged. “It’s not as simple as saying we’ll be together. We’ve been together, Remus. Because all that time, I was finding my home in you.”
Remus held his breath as he watched you gently nuzzle the back of his hand and he heard you confess, “I don’t want to merely ‘start over.’ I want a full life with you, including all of the things that came before today. Yes, we hurt each other. Yes, we were immature. Yes, we didn’t believe in ourselves the way we should have to be truly good partners. But I loved you, Remus. You have always been my home, including the werewolf part of you that I didn’t even know I was in love with, but I was. That’s why I can’t simply say, ‘yes, I’ll date you’ and have you mistakenly think that we can be together now because you’re no longer a werewolf. I can’t have you believing anything even close to that. Because then, the next time you see your wolf, you’ll hate him even more. And I – You’ve every right to feel the way you want to towards yourself, but Remus, when you hate your wolf self, it hurts me. So – So, I want to be with you, I do, more than anything. But I have to – I have to do it right. I have to make you understand that I don’t want to ‘start over’ if starting over means ignoring our past.”
Remus suddenly covered his face with his hands. “But Lovely,” he whispered, in a muffled voice, “I’m ashamed of my past. When I think about how I treated you…”
You grasped his wrists and gently pulled his hands away from is face. “Remus,” you whispered. You gestured lightly at all of the objects piled around Remus. “I’ve brought you things from our past because… I’d like to… See, what I’m doing is…”
“What?” Remus whispered, and his whispers mingled with yours, like clouds of mist curling around each other.
You finally finished, in a voice bleeding all over with vulnerability and with care. “I’m asking you to let me come back home…”
Remus grew still, as the weight of your words, the weight of your love, hit him.
At the same time, you slowly began to shiver. You’d finally made your move, and you hoped you’d done it right, and you also hoped that now, Remus might… he might… You started to lean towards Remus, wanting him so terribly that it was a genuine ache in your heart and your tummy, but then you shifted back, not wanting to rush him in any way. Soon, you were oscillating back and forth, shifting before him.
As for Remus, perhaps it was his wolfish self responding to the full moon, but he was very aware of your shivering and his stillness meeting. In fact, the very air around him seemed to hum with a strange, secret energy as your voice and your words and your very being melded into Remus’ shape and shadow. It was as if the moon had long since harbored this secret desire to bring her two, lost children together.
Suddenly, to Remus, you seemed to be both the closest and furthest thing to him. At long last, the two of you had finally fumbled together, to this time and space, and the air was laced with the dizzying revelation of a long-held, precious secret.
Remus’ hazel eyes had never been so bright as in that moment. “Home?” he whispered.
The tears in your eyes threatened to spill as you nodded back and said, “To you…” Your voice became quite soft and blurry, too, matching the silvery, moonlit tears in your eyes, as you finished, “…Please.”
At your last word, foxtail ferns, born of ice, suddenly sprouted all across the window behind you and Remus, encasing you both in a cracked, temporary, and imperfect world – and yet this difficult world was heavenly tender in its very fragility. That, you realized, was what it meant to make a home of someone else’s soul. It meant to give love where love had never existed before and to slowly mend the walls of the old, forgotten rooms of fairytale and secrets.
You shifted forward. You gazed at Remus, at his soft, tired eyes that seemed especially luminous today (perhaps it was the remnants of his werewolf self awakening to the bright full moon in the sky), that ever-stubborn curl on his forehead, or the many scars crisscrossing his cheeks and jaw. For a moment, your heart ached because Remus wore the signs of his life on his body and being in a way that few people could and at the same time that you loved him for it, you also wanted to heal him and shield him from any more hurts that might befall him.
I suppose love was never happiness for me, you thought hazily, as you let yourself fall in love with Remus all over again as you sat besides him and looked at him. I never sought happiness and safety, the way many people do. Those things are too worldly, too narrow of concepts. I’m drawn instead to sadness, which, much like myth, is a wide, blue world where any thought might become truth, so long as there is a will behind it. I’m drawn to soft hurts and unexplainable scars and devilish moonlight and complicated secrets and imperfect love… I’m drawn to journeys where we can strive for, but never achieve, those things we want most, in our heart or hearts… Remus Lupin, whether werewolf or human, you’re like me, for you are also a child of myth. Of course we can never love each other perfectly, for our souls are obscured with fog and moonlight, but that’s all right. Love is half-forgotten kisses at twilight, anyways, and forging dark secrets in each other’s souls at the bottom of the sea, while the rest of the world moves on overhead.
Remus blinked nervously as you came closer and closer to him. “I brought all my stuff with me,” you whispered to him. “And I won’t move too much stuff around in your soul. I’ll be careful making my home in your soul. I know I can be a bit spontaneous and I’m not the most responsible person, but I promise I’ll be good. I can practice being nice.” You closed your eyes and you leaned into him, meaning very much to kiss him, if he’d have you. But you were slightly too short to reach his lips, since everything in Remus’ lap was creating distance between the two of you. Your brow furrowed as you searched for Remus for a second – Then, Remus pushed everything off of his lap, reached out and grasped you by your waist, and pulled you right into his lap – and he kissed you, softly but lovingly and desperately matching his soft, shivering lips to your searching ones.
You breathed out a slow, aching gasp. Remus… Your mind blanked for a moment, as the love in your heart swelled so hard it hurt. At the same time, it was dizzyingly strange how familiar and natural it felt to have Remus kiss you. As soon as his lips touched yours, you couldn’t understand why in the world you’d spent any part of your life distant from him. And yet, how many long years have passed since we were together like this? Entire lifetimes, it seems… You let out another long, trembling breath, trying to hold back from kissing Remus all over, despite the clear truth that every atom in your body wanted nothing more than to do just that.
In a husky, low voice, Remus murmured, with his lips still pressed against yours, “There’s nothing to be careful about, Lovely. Everything in my soul is meant to hold your heart.” Then, he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to your chest, just over your heart.
You grabbed onto his shoulders and you shuddered all over, shivering away in his lap, as you felt his lips claim you. You’d been aching for him for so long, but he was here now, with you, loving you. You closed your eyes tightly – a tear streaked down your cheek – and you let out a soft, arching moan that mirrored the deep ache that you felt in your heart.
“Don’t cry,” Remus whispered, as he kissed his way up your neck and then catch your fallen tear on your cheek with his lips. “Maybe I can’t give you happiness, but you shouldn’t cry like this.”
You breathed out rather harshly and you opened your eyes just enough to see Remus hugging you tightly around your middle, and then kissing your tear away. Pulling you tighter into his lap, Remus kissed his way up the trail, until you had to shut your left eye as Remus kissed that, too.
“Rem…” you whispered fervently. You slid your arms around his shoulders and hid your face away against his neck. Then, a bit childishly, you said, “Haven’t you caught on by now? I’m crying out of happiness, you idiot.”
Remus laughed softly. “And the truth comes out. You think I’m an idiot, huh?” He soothingly ran his hands over your back for a moment, before he reached down and lifted your face again to kiss you again, for he felt he absolutely had to kiss you again.
You managed to part your lips just a little – and Remus caught your lips perfectly with his, and you both melted into that soft, wanting kiss. “Mmm, yes,” you breathed out softly.
“Yes to the kiss or yes to my being an idiot?” Remus wondered, as he let his lips graze your cheeks for a moment.
“Both,” you whispered back. “Always bo – mmm.” You let your head fall back a little as Remus kissed you more deeply. You squeezed your thighs against his hips and Remus squeezed you back, with his arms wrapped all around your shoulders and waist, and you both smiled tiredly into your kiss.
“See?” you whispered teasingly. “Aren’t I being nice?”
Remus smiled. “Yes, very well-mannered. But there’s no need to hold back for my sake, Lovely.”
“You gave me permission now, mind,” you pointed out.
Remus nodded. Then, he wondered, “Well, but what are you planning on doing with me?”
“You’ll see,” you whispered. Ducking your head down, you gently bit at his shoulder, making Remus breathe out a bit harshly, before you came back to claim another kiss from him. You slid your hands into his soft hair, pushing back his curl for one second, and then pulling him tighter to you, to kiss him more passionately. Tangling your fingers in his locks, you tugged rather hard at his hair for a moment as you kissed him with all of your might.
Remus breathed out again in surprise, but he responded in equal fervor, and he slowly began to run his hands all over you.
His hands, you thought fondly, as you melted quite willingly into his grasp. I always remembered how much I loved his hands, but goodness, I think I’ve forgotten quite how wonderful it feels when he touches me.
Remus ran his hands all over your thighs and hips and briefly grasped at your neck, too, but when he accidentally felt his fingers slip under your shirt, he stuttered to a stop.
“Don’t,” you blurted out at once. “Don’t stop, Remus.”
Remus hesitated.
“Please,” you breathed out.
Watching you with careful eyes, Remus slowly pushed his hands in under your shirt.
O-Oh… You trembled in his lap, feeling overwhelmed with how much you loved being touched by him. You gripped Remus’ hair harder and you showered his face and neck with kisses.
“Lovely,” Remus breathed out.
“Hm?”
“Why you’re trembling so much?”
You looked up at Remus wit a flushed face as you confessed, rather breathily, “Because, you’ve made me wait far too long for this. And it all feels like too much when it’s you touching me.”
“Is that so?” Remus wondered.
You closed your eyes and nodded. “Mhm…”
Remus asked quietly, “It’s not because you’re disgusted by me?”
You reached up with one hand and pressed your fingers against Remus’ lips. “Shush,” you scolded him. “No lies today, please.”
“Hm…” Remus wrapped his arms around your waist again and he nuzzled your forehead with his nose. “All right, then.” He placed a kiss on your forehead as he whispered, “Then I ought to confess… that I’ve missed you, Lovely.”
It seemed like a simple sentiment, “I miss you,” but it was capable of holding so much warmth and feeling and in that moment – it did.
You pressed a kiss back on his jaw as you whispered back, “Missed you too, Rem.”
Then, lifting your head, you stroked his face tenderly as you murmured, “Can you ask me, Remus?”
“Ask you what?”
“To come home.”
Remus’ heart thumped at your request. He sat up and looked at you. Hesitantly, he reached over and gently brushed your hair out of the way. He cupped your face in his hand as he whispered warmly, “Won’t you come home to me? It’s not much. It’s a rather run-down home, but…”
Remus fell silent as you had already snuggled up against him, pushing your hands up against his chest and fitting perfectly against him while still sitting in his lap. You were quietly crying, and you had your face tight pressed against his shoulder. But all the while, you were kissing his shoulder over and over again and you were clutching onto him with all you had.
Remus closed his eyes and kept pressing soft kisses all over your forehead and the top of your head, as he held you and rocked you a little, finding warmth and comfort in being able to hold you like this.
A moment later, he murmured, “You’re still crying… Tell me why, Lovely.”
You wrapped your arms around him and let out a long, slow breath before you confessed, “Because I finally feel safe.”
Remus kissed you a little longer on your forehead.
“What about you, Rem?” you wondered. “Do you feel safe with me, too?”
“Yes,” he replied. “But not just in this moment… What I mean is, everything about me feels safe with you. You’re my home, too, you know.”
You smiled. That was all I ever wanted to hear, you thought. That he trusted me. That he loved me back. That I could be his equal in giving love and care.
Sliding back into his lap, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in and kissed him deeply again. It was a slow kiss, but deep and lingering…
You both fell into a soft, misty daze of fervent kisses and happiness so strong it felt like sadness, as you both realized how much you had missed each other and how wonderful it felt to finally be able to breathe again. It felt like a cloud was coming to take you away. It wrapped itself around the two of you, smothering you in a thick, tender feeling of nostalgia and future, all mixed together.
Meanwhile, a soft, quiet rain began to fall outside, hiding your precious love away from the rest of the world, and drawing the two of you into a world where you were completely apart from the rest of the world, and therefore wholly and entirely together.
#fanfic#fanfiction#marauders#marauders era#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#harry potter imagine#foxtail and wolfsbane
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tag dump !
#remus | �� ❛ his ribcage rattles under the pressure. ❜ ( visage. )#remus | ❛ a voice calling him to greatness. ❜ ( replies. )#remus | ❛ no longer himself but rather what they want. ❜ ( wanted connection. )#remus | ❛ a spark above a burning bush. ❜ ( edit. )#remus | ❛ he’ll be long gone by the end of this tale. ❜ ( misc. )#remus | ❛ with wings that burn and boys who fall. ❜ ( musing. )#remus | ❛ my very own thoughts suffocate me. ❜ ( aesthetic. )#remus | ❛ biting into the sun until his body is flooded. ❜ ( answered. )#remus | ❛ the beginning of the war will be secret. ❜ ( mentions. )#remus | ❛ not yet corpses; still we rot. ❜ ( character study. )#remus | ❛ he is filled with he desire to save the world. ❜ ( character parallels. )
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First time with all 3 marauders? Just pure wholesome smut
NSFW
a/n: I got kinda excited and wrote a kinda long piece so I’ll consider this a fic rather than a blurb ; regardless I hope you like it!
You were laying back on the scarlet, plush bed, heart racing and skin flushed as you stared at the ceiling in anticipation. This was the first time you’d done anything remotely sexual , let alone the fact that it was with all three of your boyfriends — not a usual situation in the normal world so you had no clue what to expect.
“Darling, eyes on me” you heard Remus’ voice sound out as he lightly pushed your chin down to look at him, “Need to make sure you’re okay.” James was sitting at the end of the bed drawing soothing circles into your calf and Sirius was beside you leaning against the headboard, your right hand in his.
All three boys were clad in solely their sweatpants and you only in your panties. “Are you completely sure, pup?” Sirius said, his eyes searching for any hesitation and within his dark irises you saw a fire of lust igniting. You nodded slowly, groaning desperately at the new side to Sirius as you pushed yourself up on your elbows to steal a kiss from the raven haired boy.
He dodged your lips, “use your words” he said sternly restraining your wrists and pinning you down on the bed. The way his eyes kept darting from your lips, to your bare breasts and back to your lips made arousal pool between your legs, but you couldn’t help but whine at the bruising grip he had on your wrists.
“Uh uh, pads, be nice it’s her first time” Remus reprimanded, causing Sirius to loosen his grip and meet your lips with a sweet kiss. You tasted fire whisky in his mouth and a hint of liquorice wands as he pushed his tongue to dance against yours. He didn’t need words to prove just how much he loved you and in that moment you knew you were making the right decision ; giving yourself to the three boys that meant more to you than the entire world.
You felt a pair of lips pepper kissed on your neck and as you brought your hand up to tangle in his hair, you recognized the soft brown locks of James. He sucked on the spot where your neck met your shoulder, eliciting a moan from you, which Sirius swallowed. The two boys kissed and worshipped every inch of you as the lycanthrope stroked your messy hair and focused on your body language making sure you weren’t too over whelmed.
“Please I need more…please” your voice was low and shy ; you had never voiced out your carnal needs before and even hinting at what you wanted rouged your cheeks. The three boys chuckled at your embarrassed state. “Aww princess don’t be shy, how are we supposed to know what you want if you don’t tell us” the bespectacled boy remarked sweetly rubbing his thumb on your heated cheek.
“I mean honestly prongs, the way she’s soaking through her underwear makes it pretty obvious” Sirius said with a hint of mockery, winking at you. You rolled your head into the pillow, going tomato red. “I was only joking, pup, in fact you look absolutely marvellous splayed out on this bed. We can’t wait to treat you like the princess you are and make you feel good. Tonight is about you.”
Your heart warmed at his words and emboldened you enough to meet his eyes and place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m ready” you simply stated taking a deep breath and nodding at the boys. The sandy haired boy reached down to place kisses on your forehead, rubbing your sides up and down to ease you up before making his way down to your mounds which he gently palmed. “Rem” you breathed out as he took a bud between his teeth.
You expressed your enthusiasm by rolling your hips up into him, making him smirk against your skin. “Impatient are we?” He chuckled before kissing his way down to your abdomen before looking up at you, a silent question. Nodding your consent, you searched for Sirius’ hand which you clutched in anticipation. Remus pulled off your cotton panties and spread your legs apart to reveal your glistening cunt, the sight making him groan in appreciation.
He decided not to tease you any longer and brought his long fingers to trace light circles on your swollen clit. The sensation sent tendrils of pleasure through you like electric shocks. Your back arched off the bed as the boy continued to circle the nub, picking up the pace with every second, but going relatively slow as not to overwhelm you.
Erotic sounds which none of them had heard before fell from your parted lips , making the boys impossibly hard — seeing your body react to the slightest of touches was enough to make them cum in their pants.
“I’m gonna enter a finger into you to prep you alright darling?” Remus asked.
“Yes” you eagerly nodded. He stroked your clit one last time before dragging one of his digits down to your hole where he garnered the wetness. He pushed in his long, slender finger, curling it upwards immediately hitting your spot. Body jolting upwards, you gasped at the sudden sensation of pleasure. He then pushed in another, pumping in and out, stretching you out enough to take their cocks.
Just when you felt like you were going to cum, you grasped Remus’ wrist. “I want-..um I’m ready now to you know”. The boys smiled sweetly at your innocence and inability to use lewd language. They thought it to be very endearing.
“Who do you want, love?” He questioned. You looked at all three of them, finding it hard to make a decision. “Jamie. I want you” you finally decided. Even though you adored and trusted each of them equally, it just felt right to have James be the first one.
The bespectacled boy smiled at you and placed a kiss on your hip bone. “I’m all your’s.” You wrapped your legs around his waist, eyes glassy in nervous, yet excited anticipation. You were still holding Sirius’ hand, your’s clammy and sweaty but that didn’t seem to bother him as he held onto to it, thumb rubbing slowly against the delicate skin reassuringly. Remus placed a chaste kiss on your cheek as he stroked your forehead to lightly brush away the strands of hair that had stuck to the damp skin.
Then James pushed in. He slowly pushed in the tip, eyes locked on your’s searching for any discomfort before continuing. He groaned at how wet and tight you were, but forced himself to focus on you and only you. So far so good, so you nodded an agreement to continue and he did. He thrust in all at once in an attempt, to not prolong the pain and he stilled there as you hissed out at the stinging sensation. He was big, you could definitely feel your walls stretching out to accommodate his thickness. The pain wasn’t unbearable but definitely present. Your grip on Sirius’ hand tightened as you moved around a bit so that you could acclimate yourself to the new sensation. He squeezed back in reassurance.
“You alright?” Remus asked. You nodded before thrusting your hips out and back onto James’ shaft causing him to moan out in surprise and pleasure. He took it from there by lightly gripping your hips and pushing in and out of you into a steady rhythm. Your head fell back into Remus’ chest as the pain quickly turned to pure ecstasy with the way James’ cock filled you up. You could feel his girth enclosed snug against your tight walls and his spongy head rubbing up against your g spot just right.
The brunette boy threw his head back as he picked up the pace, grunting each time your hips met with his, filling you to the hilt. “You’re doing amazing pup” Sirius remarked, bringing his hand down to toy with your clit. “Mhm look so sexy like this” Remus added, sucking on your neck.
The way the boys were speaking and the stimulation on your core was enough for you to be brought to the very edge and it just took one look at where James and you were connected to teeter off the cliff and succumb to the most powerful orgasm you had ever experienced. Your body rocked with pleasure as you grasped onto anything you could as if your life depended on it. The sensation was all consuming and better than anything you could have ever imagined.
James followed close after you, your walls clenching around him causing him to fill you with his cum.
Once you had come down from your high, you opened your eyes to look be met with the sight of all three boys, gazing fondly at you, awe struck by the fact that you were a literal goddess. You giggled at them before pulling them all down on you — they were crushing your body but you didn’t mind as you pulled them three into a tight hug.
“Thank you so much. I love you so much”.
“We love you too” they all replied peppering you in kissed, and tickling you causing an eruption of laughter. “Okay let’s clean you up” James said heading to the bathroom after pulling on his pants. “Yes, how about a movie now?” Remus suggested. Your eyes lit up with excitement, “that sounds great”
“I’ll get the snacks” Sirius said, racing to pull chocolate out of Remus’ trunk causing the lycanthrope to shake his head in mock disappointment before getting up to give you one of his t shirts. You couldn’t have asked for a better night.
#marauders imagine#marauder x reader#remus lupin x reader#sirius black smut#remus lupin smut#sirius black#harry potter smut#james potter smut#marauders smut#poly marauders smut#smut#marauder fanfic#aalie’s requests
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Hurt No One Knew About Epilogue: Hurt Only One Will Know About (For Now)
Masterpost | First | Previous | Ao3
Story Summary: Logan has been acting weird for the past few weeks and the others aren’t sure what to do about it. When Janus appears looking for Remus they strike a deal: He figures out what’s going on with Logan and afterwards they’ll help search for Remus.
Turns out the two problems are more connected to each other than anyone thought.
Content Warnings: Gross Food
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Janus walks quietly down the hall, a thermos in hand. He had dropped off Remus in his room about eighteen hours ago and checked up on him twice since then – once after everyone at movie night had fallen asleep (yes, even Logan) and then again this morning – and the Duke had been snoring every time in the same position as before. Janus is willing to let him sleep even longer but he wants him to eat something at least. He doesn’t need it per se, they are just metaphysical after all, but it would help him regain his energy. It’s nearing lunchtime, so he figures this is as opportune a time as any.
As he approaches Remus’ room, the snoring grows louder, which is oddly comforting for him in this moment. It’s something that usually annoys him but now it means that Remus is resting like he’s supposed to. Once he arrives at the neon green door splattered with blood, he carefully pushes it open. Remus is still lying in bed, on his belly, face turned to the side, drooling onto the pillow below him. Same position as this morning.
Janus walks over to the curtains, letting the light in the hallway be the only thing to illuminate his path. It isn’t ideal but for Remus’ standards, the floor was rather clean, and Janus knows to wear shoes, so he doesn’t step into something he doesn’t want to step in. Like slime. Or puke. Or Lego bricks. He makes it to the window without much difficulty and tugs the curtain open enough to let a bit of light in without it flooding the whole room. Then he walks back to the door and closes it gently.
He places the thermos on the nightstand when he takes a seat on the edge of Remus’ bed. The Duke hasn’t moved as much as a muscle since Janus came in, and he fears that waking him is going to take a bit but shaking his shoulder a bit does the trick. The snoring stops as Remus grumbles, turning his fact to the other side, away from Janus.
“L’me al’ne,” he mumbles. Janus chuckles and taps his shoulder again.
“As much as I would love to leave you to create another puddle on your pillow, I need you to eat something, Remus.”
Slowly, Remus’ head turned back to Janus, and his eyes squint up at him.
“That you, Janny?”
“Yes, Remus, it’s me.”
“How long was I out?” Remus asks as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. His comforter lies in his lap as he yawns. Only then does Janus remember that Remus didn’t even change the night before. He’ll insist he does that once he’s done eating.
“Around eighteen hours. We got back from the Imagination around 6pm and now it’s noon.”
“I see. Did Logan talk with you yet?”
“No. We decided this morning to wait till evening because Thomas has plans that we need to help him with. And Logan insists that you are present as well and that you get as much rest as possible.”
“He’s so kind,” Remus smiles, fiddling with the comforter in his lap. Janus watches him for a moment.
“I must say,” he starts slowly, “I still have a few questions about what happened two weeks ago. But for now-“ He takes the thermos off the nightstand and hands it to Remus. “-drink this. You need to eat.”
Remus accepts the thermos and screws off the lid before smelling what’s inside. His head snaps back to Janus.
“You made me terror juice?!”
“Yes,” Janus confirms, with slight disgust on his face. “I figured it wouldn’t be best to start with solids, so I went with this. Though I don’t know how nutritious it really is.”
Remus takes a sip before excitedly asking: “What did you put in it?”
“I don’t even remember all of it, but I started with some broth, a potato, an apple – core included, one of your deodorant sticks, a chicken leg-“
“With the bone?”
“Yes,” Janus confirms with a grimace. The sound the blender had made still sends shivers down his spine. “Mustard, I think and more, but that’s all I remember. I tried to only pay enough attention not to hurt myself.”
“You did a good job! Could use more iron though. Next time put some screws in.”
“I’ll try to remember that,” Janus says dryly. He doesn’t intend to make one of these ever again. They sit in silence for a bit while Remus enjoys the horror Janus had created.
“How’s Lolo doing?” he eventually asks, holding onto the thermos in his lap with both hands.
“He’s okay, I believe. He fell asleep with the others in the living room, and we all ate breakfast together which wasn’t entirely awkward. Once we agreed that we would talk about the issue this evening, he excused himself to survey the work you robot had been doing in his absence. I haven’t seen him since, but I know that Patton wanted to ask him to help with lunch.”
“Good. That’s good,” Remus mumbles before taking another drink from his terror juice. Janus bites his lip.
“Why did you do it, Remus?” he asks after a moment of deliberation. “I mean, I understand that you wanted to help Logan, but why that way? You knew what it would cost you?” Remus shrugs, not meeting Janus eyes.
“I asked myself the same question while I was sitting down there. There were like at least three times where I considered just breaking the connection, but whenever I saw his face, I… I just couldn’t.”
“And Lilith? I know how much you care for her, and it was obvious how much of a toll the situation put on her. Surely there were other options?”
“I don’t know.” Remus shrugs again. “She was already there. She’s been staying there for a while to keep me company while I worked on perfecting the structure. It’s still a work in progress, you know. And I had already put Logan to sleep, and I didn’t want to wake him up again already. You should have seen the relief on his face when I pulled those emotions out of him. Like we were twenty again.”
“What about Orange then? Why was he involved?” Remus blinks at Janus.
“What are you talking about? He had nothing to do with it.”
“Are you sure? Because Patton told me that when she was about to hit him, her eyes were glowing orange.” Remus grows quiet, rolling the thermos between his hands. His eyebrows are knitted together.
“I don’t… I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him, I’m sure of it. If he got involved, then he did it without me knowing about it.” Janus frowns. He feels like a jigsaw puzzle lays in front of him and he only needs to fill a few more blank spaces, but he can’t find the last pieces anywhere. “He shouldn’t have been able to get into my pyramid without it triggering any kind of sensor, so he must’ve been there since before.”
“You mean he’s been with Logan the whole time?”
“It would make sense, wouldn’t it?” Remus shrugs. “I mean, Lolo’s always had a short temper, but it’s been getting worse recently. And if Orange is involved, then that would explain it, wouldn’t it? Why Logan has been even more stressed than usual.”
“I suppose. I will need to talk with him about it.”
“Good luck with that,” Remus snorts. “Finding that fucker is harder than killing an elephant with a needle. I haven’t seen him in person in months.”
“I’m sure I can figure something out,” Janus mumbles, already thinking about possible strategies.
“You do that.” Remus takes one last drink from his thermos before handing it back to Janus who sends it back to the kitchen with a wave of his hand. “Thanks for the juice, Janny. I feel better.” He moves to lie back down but Janus gently grabs his arm to stop him.
“You should get changed, Remus. You’ve been wearing these the entire time, right? Maybe even take a shower?” Remus doesn’t hide the distaste on his face at the mention of the wet box but cannot really argue either. He is rather filthy. “It’s enough if you just do a quick rinse. I’ll change your sheets in the meantime.”
“Fine, fine,” Remus agrees and swings his legs over the other edge of the bed than the one Janus is sitting on. He wobbles a bit as he stands up and Janus is standing immediately, ready to rush over to help him, but Remus catches himself. “’m not a child, Jan,” he mumbles as he sees the worry on his friend’s face. Janus nods and lets him gather fresh clothes before he disappears into the adjacent bathroom. He stares at the door for a moment, afraid that he might hear Remus collapsing on the other side but soon the water turns on and Janus shakes himself out of his reverie. He should get to work himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remus is back in a freshly made bed not even five minutes later. Janus sits next to him, both leaning their backs against the headboard as they enjoy each other’s company in silence. Eventually, Remus speaks up.
“I really am sorry for not telling you about what I was doing beforehand, Jan. I mean, I wouldn’t have shared the details with you since Lolo didn’t want anyone to know, including you, but I would have eased your mind about my longer absence.” Janus takes his hand and brushes his knuckles.
“I appreciate the apology, Remus. I was really worried. Especially when all your creatures started attacking me.”
“They did? Shit, that wasn’t supposed to happen.” He frowns but Janus gently squeezes his hand.
“Don’t think about it too much right now, nothing happened anyway. We’ll deal with it later.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m still really tired.”
“You should go back to sleep.”
“I know.” Both of them remain where they are. They sit like that for another minute before Remus slips down, back under the covers and Janus moves back towards the edge of the bed.
“Hey, Jan?”
“Yes, Remus?”
“I think… I think I’m in love with Logan.”
“Oh.”
“That’s a problem, isn’t it?” Janus doesn’t like how sad Remus sounds and he’s shaking his head before he even really thinks about it.
“I wouldn’t call it a problem, Remus. It’s… a bit complicated, perhaps, but not a problem. But let’s figure out how to solve Logan’s issues with me and the others before we think about a planning a confession, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Remus yawns and snuggles deeper under the covers. “Night, Jan.”
“Sleep well, Remus.” The Duke is out like a light before Janus finishes his sentence. He remains seated for a few moments more. It’s not a problem, of course it isn’t. It might bring problems later, but for now, Remus can rest. And then they’ll fix their family. What comes after is not important for now. Janus gets up and walks to the door. He can leave the curtains open; the bit of light obviously isn’t disturbing Remus in the slightest.
Janus hesitates in the doorway for another moment.
“We’ll figure it out, Remus, I promise.”
As quietly as he can, he closes the door behind him.
#namiswriting#Hurt No One Knew About#Epilogue: Hurt Only One Will Know About (For Now)#ts janus#janus sanders#ts remus#remus sanders#gross food#last chapter#multichapter fic#sanders sides#fanfiction#reblogs are appreciated
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I Want Us Both to Eat Well
Ao3
Summary: Remy might not be great with self-care, but they've got the 'taking care of Logan' thing down to a science. And Logan can work with that. Content: Overworking, mentions of poor eating/sleeping habits, caretaking, it’s pretty soft overall, nonbinary remy Pairing: Losleep
~
Despite what some may think, Logan didn’t have the most demanding of jobs within the mindscape. He wouldn’t call his work a walk in the park, of course, but when he was largely tasked with matters such as scheduling and memory allocation, versus such things as emotional processing or idea creation, Logan had no plans on complaining.
And Logan’s most complicated job? Even less complaints to be figuratively filled, given it was his favorite.
See, for a good while now, Logan had been dating Remy, a figment of the Imagination created by Roman for a one-time vine gag that somehow managed to get enough permanence for themself to function as their own being. For a bit, they had simply wandered about, teasingly flirting with not only the sides but Thomas himself. Something about Logan must have held their attention however, because soon enough he was the only side being ‘bothered’.
It didn’t take long for the feelings of ‘botherment’ to morph into amusement, which furthermore transformed into affection and soon even love. Remy had made a bad attempt at celestial flirting, and despite the inaccuracies, Logan had greatly appreciated the sentiment.
Appreciated it enough to allow “I love you” to escape both his thoughts and mouth, an acknowledgement that had left the two of them in similar states of shock for a whole ten seconds before Remy was in Logan’s lap and doing their damndest to kiss him breathless.
Remy only became more cemented in the inner workings of Thomas’s mind after that, likely a consequence specifically of how much time they were spending in Logan’s room. They were still a figment, but they were rapidly gaining actual responsibilities, things they had to do or else Thomas would directly suffer. Most were connected to sleeping- making sure the sides were rested, bullying Thomas to bed when needed, lining up memories as appropriate to be saved and stored during REM- but some were simply random, the misc assignments settling onto the not-a-side.
Usually, Remy could manage it all without much issue. They would complain heavily, sure, bemoaning the days when they were a free-spirit with nothing to do, almost sounding like Roman when they spoke of the cruelty of fate that such was the price of love, but as long as Logan was there to hum sympathetically and play with their hair, they were good.
Occasionally however… it was too much. Too many late nights and sleepless mornings convincing others to rest, too many memories to pick between and sort, too many tasks all piling up. Remy would get overwhelmed and end up overworked if no one stopped them in time.
Luckily for Remy… they had Logan.
Figuring out that Remy had hit their breaking point wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, the first step of Logan’s ‘job’ therefore being the most difficult. Remy, for all their bellyaching, didn’t want to be perceived as a slacker or irresponsible with their job. With sunglasses, coffee, and their devil-may-care attitude, they could normally fake being alright for a day or two past actually being alright.
But the facade always cracked in the end, and as soon as it did, Logan was there.
So, the second step, taken once Logan recognized those cracks: eat a good and filling breakfast. This step was especially important, and made the list to remind Logan that a coffee and crofters-covered bagel wouldn’t be sufficient.
Next, Logan went about assigning Remy’s usual tasks to the other sides. To Virgil and Patton, enforcing Thomas’s bedtime. To Janus, memory dealings. To Roman and Remus, whichever various misc tasks Remy had at the time. And top it all off with a lecture to the lot of them to sleep well.
(Logan always expected some resistance on this step, and was always surprised to find none. “If you say they need a break, they need a break.” Virgil said one time with a shrug. “We want to help where we can.”)
Then there came the final step: convincing Remy to take a break. To most, this would be the hardest step. Even when all their work was attended to, Remy would insist they had things to do, that they couldn’t just take a break, especially not one as long as Logan would suggest.
Logan wasn’t ‘most’.
Before Logan entered his room (or, more accurately, his and Remy’s room, the figment not having a place outside of the Imagination and therefore opting to move into Logan’s), he double checked that everything was ready.
Breakfast? Eaten.
Time? Well past noon.
Work? Distributed.
Tie? Loosened.
Shirt? Untucked.
“Hotel? Trivago.” (vocabulary cards!)
Logan let himself into his (now shared) room. Remy was sprawled across his (now shared) bed, flipping through their own notecards- the form memories took when viewed within the logical side’s room. Their sunglasses were set aside on Logan’s (now shared) desk, making it easy for Logan to spot the dark bags beneath their eyes.
They glanced up when Logan entered, cocking an eyebrow as they took in his appearance. “You’ve looked better, babe.” Remy commented lightly, though Logan could hear the concern in their voice. “You here to crash? I can move.”
Logan didn’t answer right away, instead walking over to stand in front of Remy. Before his partner could guess what he was doing, Logan had grabbed the memory cards they were sorting, easily willing them away.
Remy’s eyebrow only raised higher. “Alright, yeah, someone needs to take a nap.”
“And that someone would be you.” Logan replied. “Or, more appropriately, someone needs to take several days to rest.”
Remy chuckled. “You sure about that, sweetheart? I wouldn’t think you’d want me falling behind on work, especially for Thomas’s sake.”
“Your work is being handled, Thomas will be fine.” Logan assured, taking a moment to tenderly tuck some of Remy’s hair behind their ear. Remy’s expression softened at the gesture. “I have taken care of everything for you, save one thing.”
“Oh?” Remy prompted, looking vaguely amused by Logan’s approach. “And what’s that one thing, doll?”
With a smile, Logan settled himself in Remy’s lap, arms wrapping lightly around the back of their neck. “Myself.”
Remy’s brow furrowed at the answer, their concern returning full force. “Log-”
“I have not eaten since breakfast,” he neglected to mention it was a large enough breakfast the lack of lunch hadn’t truly affected him, “I am stressed,” he ignored that the stress was Remy-based, “and my appearance is unkempt;” he pretended this was not a very conscious choice, “therefore, I should be resting, and yet, I am not.”
“You do seem tired…” Remy murmured, one of their hands moving to rest steadily on Logan’s hip while the other gently cupped his cheek. Logan appreciated the moment as long as he could, lazily leaning into Remy’s touch while the overworked figment searched his face for more signs of exhaustion.
Then they squinted at him. “Wait. This isn’t some ploy of yours, is it? ‘Cause no offense hun, but this feels a bit too easy. Normally you go running when I try to stop you from working on bad days.”
“I admit I am usually more… difficult about such matters, but I assure you, my love, this is no ploy. That would imply only I benefit from this situation. I think we both would.”
“Oh? How so?”
Logan’s fingers traced random patterns on Remy’s upper back. “You prefer to see me in good health and enjoy taking care of me. I prefer to see you in good health and know that letting you take care of me will subsequently lead to you being taken care of as well.” He kissed Remy’s forehead. “We both benefit, for the sake of not only ourselves, but each other as well.”
Remy sighed, their attempt at annoyance falling rather flat, in Logan’s opinion. “I can tell you’ve planned this out, babe.” Their hand on Logan’s cheek slipped into his hair, lightly scratching at Logan’s scalp.
The logical side involuntarily let out a content hum at the motion, briefly letting his eyes close as he pressed closer against Remy, their hand now supporting more of his head than Logan was. “Mhm, the plan of self-care? I think it’s a good plan.” Logan partially opened his eyes to catch Remy’s gaze. It was fond and sweet, Remy having clearly been swayed by tired Logan. “Do you think it’s a good plan?”
“Yeah.” Remy agreed softly, Logan grinning as he realized he had ‘won’ (really, they had both won, seeing how desperately Remy needed rest, but for the intents and purposes of this particular situation… Logan had won). “It was a great plan, angel.”
Logan allowed his head to be transferred onto Remy’s shoulder, happily nestling it into the crook of their neck. He could feel as Remy shifted their position, clearly going to lay Logan down on the bed. However, the bed alone would not be enough, Logan locking his arms behind Remy’s neck when they tried to let him go.
“Oh, come on, sugar, I can’t- I need both my hands- oh, alright, fine, if you’re gonna be like that, I’ll make it work.”
It took a couple minutes longer than it might have if Logan had allowed Remy to let go of him, but soon enough Logan was being deposited in a proper pile of blankets and pillows, all packed in together and arranged in the corner of the bed that lined up against the corner of the wall. He released Remy this time, comfortably sinking into the heap.
“I’m happy you’ve deemed this arrangement of your bed more acceptable than the one you yourself made, sweetheart.” Remy teased even as they worked on tucking the pile closer around him. “I’m going to grab lunch now, alright? Don’t go anywhere.”
It was an unnecessary request, given that Logan’s master plan of self-care wouldn’t benefit from him making Remy hunt him down, but the familiarity of it made Logan snort. The blanket-pillow lump had a one hundred percent success-rate with dissuading Logan from escape, no matter the circumstance, but Remy’s consistency in reminding Logan to stay put was endearing every time.
Remy returned within a few minutes, carrying a plate filled with ham and cheese cubes and some bunches of purple grapes. They placed it on part of the bed not overtaken by the plush pile before carefully climbing over it, cautious to not make a mess as they joined Logan. They slid into place behind him with practiced ease, shifting Logan to be more in their lap and against their chest before tucking the blankets back in around them both.
Logan leaned back against Remy as they settled, resting his head at a tilted angle so that he could keep his eyes on Remy. Noticing this, Remy smiled softly, pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead.
“Alright babe who hasn’t eaten since breakfast, time to eat.” Remy said, tugging the plate closer to them before picking up one of the cubes and offering it to Logan. He let Remy pop it in his mouth, swallowing it while Remy grabbed another morsel of food. The motions were easy and repetitive, and soon enough nearly half the plate was gone.
Breaking the skin on a grape, Logan caught Remy’s wrist as they went to offer him a ham cube. Remy raised an eyebrow. “Darlin’?”
“You need to eat too.” Logan explained, nudging Remy’s hand towards their own face. “I know how you get when you’re busy.”
“Well now you’re not even being subtle.” Remy teased even as they accepted their redirected ham cube. Alternating between themself and Logan, Remy returned to their work of emptying the plate, quickly finishing off what remained of it.
When there was nothing left on the dish, Remy gracelessly pushed it off the bed, Logan well aware they’d pick it up later but still rolling his eyes at the laziness in the gesture.
“Shh, I can hear you thinking, love.” Remy trailed a few kisses down the side of Logan’s face, their arms wrapping snugly around his waist. “It’s my mess, I’ll clean it up later. Don’t worry about it.”
“You could take care of it now though.” Logan argued weakly, already once-more melting into Remy’s hold.
Remy chuckled, peppering more kisses across his chin. “Then I’d have to let go of you, my lovely Lo, and I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon.”
“Mmm, fair point.”
“Plus,” Remy went on as they began to slide into a more horizontal position, laying Logan down with them and briefly releasing his waist so as to move his glasses from his face to the bedside table, “it’s naptime. Someone needs their rest.”
“You.”
“Which one of us is taking care of the other again? You’re the tired one.”
Logan laughed quietly at Remy’s rebuttal, rolling over and nuzzling his face into Remy’s neck. He wasn’t sure when the lights in the room had turned off, but he was fairly certain it had been Remy’s doing. “Fine. I am very tired. So tired I have completely forgotten what to do now. Remind me how to sleep.”
“Dramatic-ass.” Remy’s tone was too soft to match their words. They pressed their cheek against Logan’s hair, their breath as they spoke close enough for Logan to feel its warmth. “You’ve just gotta close your eyes and stop thinking about anything that isn’t your wonderful partner and their wonderful fluffy pile of comfort and relaxation.”
“Sounds easy enough.” Logan dropped a kiss on Remy’s collarbone. “I could do this for days and days and-”
“Shhhh, starlight. Rest.” Remy slowly ran a hand up-and-down Logan’s back, successfully distracting him from his poorly-veiled (but loving) jab at Remy. “Bully me later.”
Logan didn’t respond verbally, opting instead to hum in contentment and snuggle up closer to Remy. There was no way they’d be able to slip out of bed without Logan noticing- not that they’d try, not now, but Logan appreciated the assurance of proximity. Despite not truly being tired, Remy’s warmth and Logan’s relief at knowing they would finally be resting themself were enough to make his eyelids heavy, the idea of sleeping peacefully with his partner too tempting to pass up.
So, yes, Logan did have some difficult duties to attend to, the caretaking of Remy the most complicated of them all. But drifting off happily in Remy’s arms, Logan remained firm in his stance that it was his favorite duty.
#losleep#ts logan#ts remy#ts sleep#fanfiction#fanfic#ts fanfic#sanders sides#nb!remy#i hope y'all like this but 's okay if not bc it is- per the usual- v self indulgent sldjfmvksdl#i think it came out good tho
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Can I Try Again
Another ridiculously fluffy one-shot for @efkgirldetective's summer of jily week four prompt: picking berries // I know I've kissed you before, but I didn't do it right // the entire song, pink in the night <3
She is beautiful and he is in a perpetual state of falling. Down and down and down the goddamn rabbit hole, but somehow the further James plummets, the brighter his life becomes. It’s the kind of brightness that blinds him- somewhat painfully- and leaves his vision spotty, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Lily Evans walks ahead of him, a spring in her step, sunshine pouring through her hair. She’s cut it short for the summer, just above her shoulders, and he’s mesmerized by the way it bounces around her neck as she walks through the gardens of his family’s home. It’s an image he’s played over in his head an infinite number of times, but his rosiest daydreams don’t hold a candle to the real thing. The afternoon light hits his glasses just right and suddenly there’s a halo of glowing stars framing her as she tucks a dark red strand behind her ear. He can’t even see her face, but it doesn’t matter. I could stare at your back all day.
He is the luckiest boy in the world and every moment is made up of the sweetest form of torture. Agony and exuberance whipping his heart back and forth like a rogue Bludger.
She must know, he thinks. Must have some sort of clue that she’s occupied every corner of his mind for well over a year now. Even more so now, after the platform. He wishes more than anything for the ability to read minds as she glances over her shoulder with those startlingly green eyes, that friendly grin.
He can’t help but smile back- or maybe he was already smiling before she even turned around. It doesn’t matter. By some miracle, she’s here, and he can only marvel at the kindness of fate.
***
It had been a passing comment. One of those early morning conversations as his friends frantically scribbled out unfinished essays while shoving waffles down their throats. Chatter muffled by mouthfuls of eggs and yawning. Remus had commented offhandedly about the fruit bowl being passed around, and then-
“Oh, raspberries are my favorite.”
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t already looking at her when she spoke. But truthfully, he was always looking at Lily, a habit he’d long since stopped fighting once he realized how fruitless his efforts were. She was beautiful and he was hopeless. Simply lucky to be in her presence. She was the sun, and he, but a lonely planet, entirely reliant on and endlessly seeking out her light.
Sirius spoke the words James should have if his mind hadn’t gone fuzzy from hearing her voice.
“You know, the Potters have a raspberry patch in their gardens.”
“Oh, really?” She glanced from Sirius to James with a brilliant smile and excited eyes, so purposefully glued to his that he had to duck his head and rake a hand through his hair to hide his heating cheeks.
“That’s right,” he said more to his plate of sausages than to her. “They’re usually ripe to pick by early August.” When he peered back up, she was still looking his way.
“You should come over this summer and take some off our hands,” said Sirius casually, turning towards James as if it had been his idea.
“Yeah,” he jumped in a little too eagerly. “I mean- if you’d like, you’re more than welcome.”
Her smile widened, rounding the apples of her cheeks in a way that made his stomach flip pleasantly. “That sounds like fun.”
He assumed she’d forget the conversation, it had been just another morning, just another casual chat among housemates, but that didn’t keep him from daydreaming about the potential of a far-off day in August rather incessantly during the following months. But then as the school year ended and summer rolled on painfully slowly (and Lily-less), an owl arrived. And her handwriting crawled across the page like a message written in the clouds.
***
Lily swings the woven basket back and forth in her pursuit of the best raspberries. There’s already an impressive bounty growing in her basket, far more than he’s managed to collect- too busy watching her kneel down and pluck berries off their delicate branches to pick any of his own.
He turns to a leafy bush, green and lively and swaying slightly in the warm breeze, and quickly pinches off a handful of berries in an attempt to catch up with her. When she spins around, he’s thankful for the distraction. A minute earlier and she would have caught him staring. Again.
She smiles pleasantly and brushes her fringe off her sweaty forehead with the back of her wrist. James’ heart leaps into his throat.
“You’ve been quiet,” she says, but not accusingly.
“No I haven’t,” he responds, voice gravelly from underuse. “Just been busy picking raspberries.”
She glances at his measly basket, then back to his face with arching brows and an amused smirk.
He can’t help his own guilty grin. “Alright, Evans, I’m sorry we can’t all be unreasonably talented at everything we do.”
“It’s berry picking, Potter,” she laughs, “not advanced Arithmancy.”
In retaliation, he plucks a raspberry off of the nearest branch and playfully throws it at her. She somehow has the gall to lean her head back and catch the goddamn berry between her teeth. His brain short circuits. He’s quite certain his jaw is on the ground. She acts as though this is no big deal, swallowing the fruit with a satisfied smile, her tongue brushing her lower lip before tossing another into her mouth.
“Oh, these are delicious!”
He can’t form a response even if he wants to. Even if it was a matter of life or death, which it sure as hell feels like. He can only stare at her mouth, at her lips stained raspberry-pink, and lose himself in the knowledge that he knows how they feel against his own- even just briefly.
***
The platform teemed with students stretching their legs after the long journey home from school, saying their goodbyes to friends as their families greeted them for the summer.
A pit sat in James’ stomach- heavy and demoralizing- the entire train ride back to London. He knew she’d be gone soon. Back with her parents in Cokeworth for two excruciating months before their seventh year began. He’d taken their close proximity for granted during the school year, and as he faced a summer without the promise of her warmth, he wondered if it was even possible living in the dark.
He laughed loudly at a joke Peter told, overcompensating for the fact he’d missed the punchline while his thoughts were spiraling over her. Sirius shot him a look that suggested he wasn’t doing a great job of masking his emotions. Had it been so obvious the entire way home? Could she have noticed the despondency in his eyes, heard the heavy thumping of his heart? He rolled his eyes at Sirius and mustered up the most unbothered smirk he could manage.
But then, without warning, she was in front of him.
“Alright, Potter, don’t let your head overinflate while I’m not around to keep you grounded.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Evans,” he laughed, thankful his voice sounded steadier than he felt. “Just so long as you promise to consider switching your loyalties to Puddlemere. There’s no way the Harpies even make it to the semi-finals this season, and I can’t bear seeing you heartbroken again.”
“Oh, piss off, Potter,” she replied, but the way she threw her arms around his neck seemed to argue she didn’t mean what she said. Instinctually, he hugged her back, and thank Merlin he had her to hold onto as the wind was knocked out of his lungs at her touch. An overwhelming warmth sparkled across every surface their bodies met, and it took every ounce of control he had to restrain the truly pathetic sigh that threatened to escape his throat.
“And I haven’t forgotten,” she spoke into his shoulder, breath hot thorough his t-shirt, “you promised me berry picking this August.”
It would be impossible to miss the rapid beating of his heart through his chest pressed up against hers. “I’m already counting down the days.”
When she pulled back, hands resting on his shoulders for a beat longer than expected, his body moved faster than his brain could keep up with. He leaned forward, aiming for her cheek, but miraculously landing against her mouth- connecting for the briefest of moments before parting again, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened between them. If it weren’t for the ghost of her lips still burning against his own, he might have thought he’d dreamt it.
“Lily, I’m not waiting any longer, we’re leaving, now,” came the unpleasant voice of her sister from across the platform.
Lily’s disoriented smile faltered slightly before she composed herself again, meeting his eye. “I’ll see you in August?”
“Yeah, August,” he somehow said with his mouth still tingling, forever changed by what they now knew.
***
The memory of her lips, how they feel pressed between his smile, is harder to ignore when they’re in front of him. He can remember the warmth where they touched him over a month ago and absentmindedly he brings a raspberry to his mouth so he can imagine how she must taste.
His emotions were hard enough to control before he knew what he was missing, but now they are impossible to reign in. He forgets how to breathe, and as a result, his head spins maddeningly. Unsure of how much longer he can stand up straight without making a fool out of himself, he walks forward and lays a hand on Lily’s back- partially to lead her forward, partially because the desire to be connected to her in any way is driving him mad.
She lets him guide her through the rows of bushes, under an ancient wooden archway, and across a courtyard of blossoming poppies and forget-me-nots enclosed by walls of hedges. Yellow and purple petals reflect brilliantly in her green eyes, creating their own fields of wildflowers within her irises. He walks her towards a wide, circular fountain in the middle of the grass where bubbling water spills over onto stone tiers and pours into the basin below, its floor littered with glinting coins, dancing under the water’s rippling surface.
He sits down and she follows suit on the stone ledge surrounding the water, partially shaded by an impressive plum tree. Cool droplets spray off the fountain, refreshing like summer rain singing I love you, I love you, I love you. Lily glances his way and he wonders if she can hear his thoughts.
“Are we finished picking berries?” she asks, eyes squinting and nose crinkling in the sun.
“I figured you had enough to feed a village.” He reaches over and grabs a raspberry from her basket and she gasps in faux outrage.
“Are you really stealing my raspberries, Potter?”
He adores his name on her tongue. “My apologies,” he says, pulling a silver Sickle out of his pocket and sliding it over to where she sits. She looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “For your troubles. Go on then, make a wish.”
“Oh!” Her eyes light up and she takes hold of the coin, lifting it to her heart as she closes her eyes in search of a wish.
He thinks he could look at her forever. Happy, sunkissed, an unconscious smile playing across her lips. With her eyes shut, he uses a minute to take a deep breath, attempting to calm his racing heart and compose his dopey grin. They’re sitting close together, knees almost touching with the basket of berries between them. As she tosses the Sickle behind her shoulder, he smells the faint scent of her vanilla shampoo.
She noticeably tries to hide her smile when her eyelids flutter back open.
“What did you wish for?” he asks, unable to stop himself.
She freezes with her eyes locked on his. A pink blush spreads across her cheeks, growing darker the longer he stares back at her. “I can’t tell you,” she says, words sounding choked, “or else it won't come true.”
Her flushed face awakens something in his chest, a confidence that blooms magnificently, turns his nervous, pattering heartbeat into a steady, powerful drum.
His voice drops to a hoarse whisper when he asks, “Can I guess?”
Her breath hitches. “I think you might already know, James.” Her words, the sound of his name, melts him down to a puddle. By some miracle, she continues speaking. “Look, I know I’ve kissed you before-”
“But I didn’t do it right,” he says frantically, his hands finding her face and brushing through her hair. He starts to understand why people advise against looking directly at the sun because being this close to her fills him with such astounding emotion he thinks he might explode. She stares up at him, blush deepening, lips parting, and he takes a ragged breath. “Can I try again?”
This time, when she smiles, he knows exactly what he’s doing.
He leans in slowly, letting their breath mix together, their noses bump lightly before he closes the space between their lips. She’s soft and warm and beautiful and radiant and he’s never felt a happiness quite like this one, never experienced a kiss this perfect. His fingers travel over her scorching skin and brush her neck as he deepens the kiss, tasting the raspberries on her tongue, his heart soaring as she responds blissfully until they’re both left breathless.
“And again?” she asks, pulling him back with a smile against his lips.
“And again,” he smiles back, marveling, once again, at the kindness of fate.
#summerofjily#look guys#i have never written present tense before so take that information as you will#and of course i switched to past tense for the flashbacks because I guess I want everyone to suffer#have some sickeningly sweet fluff to make up for it lol#i do not love writing kisses!#but I know you guys like when jily seals the deal so I do it for you#absolutely love this prompt and mitski is that glareingly obvious?#plus picking berries is all i've thought about for 24 hours#<3#who is reading these tags#seriously lmao#jily fic#jily#lily evans#James potter
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Orange is Offence
I've seen several different theories floating around both prior to and post the new aside video, Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts. So I decided to throw my two cents in.
So my main cause for concern about Orange's identity has always been that he is never explicitly referenced by ANY of the other sides. They never once speak of him, but he has made himself known before, such as in the episode SVS Redux, when he appears briefly amid one of the videogame cutaways as an orange colored 4110.
This is the first instance we've had of a dark side choosing to attempt communication individually without aid or disguise from the other sides.
For instance, our first known hint of Remus actually comes from the episode The Sanders Sides 12 Days of Christmas, where Roman says the line:
"May visions of sugarplums dance in your head and hopefully not visions of your naked aunt Patty... Yeah, I don't know where that came from."
And later in Remus's introduction song, this image appears behind him:
For Janus, his existence was first hinted when he silences Roman from speaking in Accepting Anxiety Part 2/2. Later when he finally did reveal himself, whenever he would appear it would always be as one of the four main sides.
Then why is Orange different? Why was he able to speak to Thomas (in an albeit round about way through a videogame screen) when he has yet to show himself fully to him?
Well first lets look at what the color orange represents.
A few positive meanings of orange, of many, include balance, freedom, and expression. The most common negative associations of the color include crassness, rudeness, and frivolity.
Next, the newest big revelation in TSS since Deceit's reveal.
Logan's outburst:
Now, many people have been theorizing that Orange is a part of Logan, and that they could be either a dichotomy/set of twins such as with Roman and Remus. But I don't think that's the case.
(I'd like to give credit to @candiecards for this next portion.)
In fact, I don't think Orange has any significant relation to Logan apart from the other sides. Rather, I think Orange is using Logan as an easy target/susceptible vessel. Just like how Janus would only appear by mimicking the other sides and disguising himself as him, I think Orange manipulates the other sides through a sort of mind control. Which is why he would be able to greet Thomas through the 43110 screen, by manipulating and altering Roman's videogame example to suit his needs.
First off, Logan has always been rather short-tempered, this is nothing new. In fact, Thomas called him (and Roman) out on it in the episode Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!). Also, remember the time in Learning New Things About Ourselves, when Logan grew so annoyed with Roman's constant berating of his character, screamed, and threw a notecard at his eye? If Orange was always a part of him, and can be presumed to appear in fits of rage, why didn't he appear then?
Because he isn't inherently connected to Logan.
But Logan is becoming an easy target for Orange.
Over the past few episodes, and even throughout the series, Logan has been feeling left out and ignored. He was benched in SVS and was skipped and tossed aside in SVS Redux. Besides Roman, I'd say Logan is the most self-engrossed and prideful, believing that he is more important to Thomas than the other sides. He even stated in Learning New Things About Ourselves that he is the one who "maintains order."
However, when we are introduced to the state of Thomas's life in the newest episode, it is clear that Thomas is completely disorganized and has lost any sense of control over minimal things such as keeping clothes off his staircase.
It's then made clear by the way Logan speaks with Thomas that he has been trying for an undetermined amount of time to convince Thomas to reorganize himself, but that Thomas has ignored him each time.
Throughout the episode we see Logan eagerly push Thomas to work on his set schedule, but then conceding several times to Thomas's more pressing needs to deal with Remus and his intrusive thoughts over Nico's lack of a reply to a text he sent the previous day. Logan does appear patient with both Thomas and Remus, trying to logic his way through each set back, telling Thomas it's okay to take a break because of his intrusive thoughts, and trying to reason with Remus to hold himself back so he can work with Thomas more efficiently. Of course, it doesn't work, and he snaps at Remus to stop ignoring him.
Interestingly enough, at the same time Logan snaps, Thomas, who had previously appeared only anxious over Nico, then appears angry that he's being ghosted.
They become offended over the same thing. Being ignored.
Before I continue, allow me to provide a clear definition of the word offence.
Offence (noun): annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles.
As a reminder, the color orange can represent both freedom, expression, and crudeness.
When one believes that their freedom and expression of themselves and their beliefs have been insulted they take offence and often lash out in anger and become crude.
Offence can come from many places, it can come from different experiences, different expressions and emotions; but the reaction that is birthed from that offence is almost always outbursts of anger. Just think of a self-righteous Karen demanding to see a manager.
Throughout the story, Logan has been teased and ridiculed for his love and belief in strict and ridged methods and lifestyles. For him, planning and organizing and due dates are all fun things he enjoys, but to the other sides, its all just a bore and they make fun of him for it.
Logan comes off as (one of) the "angriest" side because he is constantly taking offence from others and defending himself. He is also more emotionally stifled than the other sides and does not know how to properly regulate his emotions, making him more prone to outbursts of anger. This would make it easy for Orange to take over/control him, by using his anger to blind him.
I mentioned in an old theory of mine, What is Deceit Really After?, that I believe Janus is plotting to create a power shift a from the "light" sides to the "dark" sides. And while in that theory I said I believe Janus would try to manipulate Virgil to gain power, although I still think that may be possible, I now also believe that Janus wants Orange to use Logan's offence and anger against him to control and manipulate him instead. After all, Janus was the one responsible for keeping the dark sides suppressed, only allowed to appear if Thomas wished to see them. But now they are appearing without Thomas first giving his consent to meet them.
He released Remus, promising that he would make sure that Thomas would no longer "deceive [himself] about the ugliness within [him]." Orange's sudden appearance could be the next step in Janus's plan to gain control, although I'm not sure what he could have offered Orange in exchange.
In the final moments of the episode, Janus is perched on a tree where he eats a green apple and says "Yes, everything is just fine."
As pointed out by @ethecookednoodle green apples represent matters of the mind.
The green apple at the end could very well hint at the upcoming events of the story regarding Logan and orange as the side representing Thomas's mind, and the side that performs mind-control over those who lose themselves to offence.
After all, whether he believes it or not, Logan has the most say in what Thomas does and thinks, comparable only to Patton, who Janus is in the process of seducing.
#thank you for reading#i made this on a whim#so im not sure it makes sense#ts spoilers#sanders sides#thomas sanders#orange side theory#ts theory#ts theories#orange side#ts orange side#logan sanders#ts logan#janus sanders#virgil sanders#remus sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders
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So. Virgil Sanders. The Dark Side who is no longer a Dark Side. I have had this theory about him for a WHILE now, since rewatching the series a few months ago.
What if Virgil wasn't always his name?
First of all, all three Light Sides (let's call them LS for quick typing's sake) have names that end in 'N' (LogaN, RomaN, PattoN). And the two Dark Sides (DS) who embrace being DS both have names that end in 'S' (RemuS, JanuS). But Virgil's name doesn't end in either, as Patton points out: "But that doesn't end in an 'A-N' or an 'O-N'". It makes sense that Virgil would want to not have his name associated, even subconsciously, with the DS, but also too anxious to try and force himself into the LS.
And second, something that doesn't really relate to his name but rather to not wanting to be associated with DS: the accents. Janus and Remus both have vaguely British accents, and in the bloopers, Virgil is the only Side that Thomas accidentally slips into a British accent for (I know, I know, it's not technically canon, shh). I think this is because Virgil has a British accent but hides it.
But what would his name have been originally, if not Virgil?
Well, it would have to be something ending in 'S'. Another thing connecting the DS is that each of their names have connections to Rome - Janus, Roman god of two faces, Remus, who got killed by his brother Romulus in a Roman myth, and even Virgil, a Roman poet. So Virgil's old name would most likely be connected to Rome as well.
My best guess is Marcus. One of the names most associated with Rome. And trying to come up with a new name is one of the reasons he held off so long on telling the LS his name. He would've been worried that they would think it didn't fit him, or matched up too much with theirs to have just been his from the beginning.
And that is my theory. Another one based off of this same information is that Roman believes he should be classified as a DS and so copies them as much as possible while still fitting in with the LS. That, or since Roman knows Remus, he would know that Virgil was trying to come up with a new name that wouldn't match the DS as much and so started vaguely copying the DS so Virgil would know that it was okay to be a little like them.
Do with this information what you will. I honestly just wanted to get it out of my head and into the world.
#sanders sides theory#sanders sides#virgil sanders#tss#i put way too much thought into this#thomas sanders#marcus sanders question mark?
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Blackinnon headcanons (because @marlymckitten’s lovely ones got me to write a bit again <3 go check on hers!!!!)
Yes. It’s sappy. But I love sappy Blackinnon. I can’t bear angst any longer so enjoy!
Sirius fell in love with her before she fell in love with him. Actually, he fell in love with Marlene before James fell in love with Lily, even if he took longer to realize it. He unconsciously developed a crush on her during their first year and recognize his messy feelings as love when he was a bit older. Anyway, he liked to say to her that he had loved her since he was a kid and Marlene used to roll her eyes and call him a sappy liar — but Sirius was not lying. Not even a bit.
I personally hc that they didn’t start dating at Hogwarts. Sirius was, emotionally, too much of a mess to actually sort out what he felt. It was not that he wasn’t sure of her — he knew he loved Marlene. He was certain of that. He was just scared to hurt her in any way possible, and though less of himself — he though he wasn’t able to make her happy, and he could not bear it.
It was Marlene who made the first move. One night, she just kissed him. They were alone in London, laughing, smoking and chatting at 1 AM while the rest of the gang had already went home. She just did it. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. Hard, passionately. It took him out of breath.
As their relationship became solid, it was clear to both of them that what was happening was that.. they were settling. To Sirius, the word has seem horrendous till she had told him what she felt for him. But he was happier that he had ever been with her and was actually pretty content with the perspective of being hers for the rest of his life.
They weren’t too much into PDA. Sirius resting a hand on her tights, or holding hands was ok — but they couldn’t stand couples who made out constantly while they were out with friends. It was totally different when they were drunk: in that occasions they could not take their hands off each other and used to disappear so as to shag in some bathroom or to go home (to shag. Yes, they did it nonstop)
They had a matching tattoo. They had gone out one evening in March, just the two of them. It was supposed to be a romantic dinner but it had naturally lead to a drunk night in some club in London. After that, they had found some weird (and probably too dirty to be trusted) tattoo shop which was still opened at night and decided to go for it. They were too tipsy to be taken seriously, but managed to explain to the tattooer what they wanted. At the end, Sirius got the written “star of the sky” in Marlene’s handwriting, and she had “star of the sea” in his, on their pelvis. It was sappy, they knew it, but it was them.
Marlene absolutely adored Sirius. She thought he was breathtaking. That’s true, a lot of people thought that — Sirius was indeed a very handsome man, but to Marlene, Sirius was much more than that. Marlene loved everything about him. She loved stroking his hair and caressing the side of his face. She loved when he took her hands into his. She loved kissing his full lips and holding his gaze, despite it made her blush most of the time. She loved feeling his weight on her when he fell asleep while cuddling. She loved feeling him inside of her, it made her feel a sense of fullness and connection she had never felt with someone before.
James was so happy when they got together. He wasn’t even the slightest angry or upset at them, though they knew he would have killed them both if they hurt each other.
Lily was ecstatic when they started dating, too. Perhaps even more than her husband, considering she was the first person Sirius admitted he was in love with Marlene to. It happened during their seventh year at Hogwarts. Lily was looking for Marls — she knew the Astronomy Tower was her and Sirius’ spot and expected to find her there, but only him was present that evening. They talked quite a lot and at one point he just slipped it out. It felt so scaring, but so, so good. Lily promised not to tell a soul, not even to James and Sirius trusted her. She also advised him to tell her, but he knew he needed more time.
He desired a family with her but was scared to bring the topic up — he didn’t really think he would have really been much of a father material with the upbringing he had. His worse nightmare was perhaps inflicting on his children the same pain he had had to endure during his childhood — the idea scared him shitless. But one day, they talked about it. They approached the subject shyly, as if having different perspectives would have risked to break what they had. When Sirius told her it would have be nice, to have kids one day, Marlene could not suppress the wide, genuine smile that appeared on her face. “You’d really want them?” “Yes. With you, I would want them. I think I would be a shit father, but with you to balance I think they’d turn up nice” “That’s bullshit. You will be a wonderful dad.” “I will be? Not “would”?” “Yep. You will. I think we should talk about it… having kids, one day.” Sirius had never been happier.
Marlene’s family was fond of Sirius. Her parents and brother especially. And of course Euphemia and Fleamont loved Marlene — she was James’ first friend ever. Euphemia confessed them once that she had been planning their wedding since fifth year (James laughed a bit to much for Marlene’s liking after hearing that).
Marlene once had called Walburga Black a “fucking cow”. She hadn’t just called her that, she had YELLED it on the platform before taking Sirius hand and making him follow her on the train. She had heard a sneaky comment from her: it was the usual babbling about Sirius being a shame, a failure for being how he was, for hanging out with dirty mudbloods and staying at the Potters. She could not take it. Although her mother (who had intercepted her daughter’s furious expression) had tried to stop her, she had just walked over and yelled at Walburga Black, a witch from a noble and ancient family in the Magical Community, that she was a fucking cow. Around lots, lots of people. Sirius thought he had never loved her more.
Once Sirius told her he wanted to shave his beard, and she screamed, horrified and threatened not to have sex with him for a month if he really did it.
For his 23rd birthday, Marlene gifted him a handful of Polaroids of her nudes, along with his real present. Sirius remained in total awe for a few seconds and then looked at her like a puppy who has received the best toy ever. He really was a simple man, not needing much to be happy.
Sirius couldn’t cook for shit. He could barely prepare a toast without burning something. And most of the time, when he was hungry, he forgot he could use magic. That meant he was not able to surprise her with breakfast in bed or some thing like that — okay, he knew how to make coffee or how to spread jam on bread, he was not that dumb. Anyway, Marlene used to tease him by saying he would starve if she refused to cook for the rest of his days. “I can always eat you, you know” “You are incredible, Black”
7th year’s St Valentine’s Day was perhaps the worst one Marlene had spent in her seventeen years on the Earth. Not that she had ever celebrated it (she hated St Valentine’s Day, the sappy promises, the fake couples who put on a good face during the trip to Hogsmeade so as to show off even if half school knew one of them was shagging someone else. She just couldn’t bear it), but that year every. single. one of her friends had a date. Lily went with James, Remus had gone to Hogsmeade with a bloke he had met in the summer, Alice went with Frank, Mary had been asked by a quite good looking boy who was part of the same club as hers, Emmeline and Dorcas went together (their first public trip after their coming out) and even Peter had managed to set up a date with a really nice girl he had had a crush on since fifth year. And Sirius… well, she supposed he was shagging three or four girls at the same time. Marlene spent most of her time in the library, catching up with her homework, and after a rather depressing lunch alone she hid herself in the Common Room who was occupied only by first and second years who could not go to the village yet. She read a book until she heard someone calling her name. She didn’t even had to turn around to know who it was. Nobody called her Lene. They walked through the empty corridors and corners of the school, perfectly comfortable with one another. He asked her what she had done that day, but she didn’t ask him back. She didn’t want to know if he had gone to Hogsmeade with someone. What she didn’t know was that, yes, he had gone to the village… to buy her flowers. They following morning, when she woke up, she found a beautiful bouquet of tulips — her favorites — of all colors. The was no card attached and it took Lily twenty minutes to convince Marlene that they really were for her.
Marlene’s dream had always been to visit Paris. When she was ten, she promised herself that she would only have gone with the love of her life — Marlene pretended to be nauseated by romance, but the truth was that she was a hopeless romantic herself. She kept the promise. One year or so into their relationship, Sirius and Marlene stayed in Paris for a week. One night they went to a bar and returned to the apartment quite intoxicated and extremely horny, so the usual. They shagged everywhere, on the couch, on the bed, on the floor, by the fucking window, not caring who could see them. Once they were finished, they were laying on the couch, naked, only covered by a thin blanket to protect them from the chilly air, their bodies entangled. She told him about her promise. He just looked at her, his eyes full of pure love. And he told her. And it was not scary, quite the contrary, actually. “I love you” he simply said. “I love you so much, Marls” She tried to reply, but her voice was thick with emotion. He understood anyway and gently kissed her, thinking he had finally found something worth living for. And it was love, it had always been love.
#blackinnon#sirius black#marlene mckinnon#marauders#marlene x sirius#sirius x marlene#harry potter#marauders era#blackinnon headcanons
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You Don’t Own Me (You Don’t Even Know Me)
Chapter 1
Summary: As the son of a Baron, Roman Sanders always knew that when he married, it would be due to a political arrangement rather than true love. Still, when he is sent away to marry an older, more powerful Earl, he is determined to make the best of his situation. Despite the Earl's indifference towards him, Roman forges ahead and prepares to become the best husband he can possibly be, making new friends along the way. But when his fiancé's demeanor turns from cold to cruel, Roman must shift all of his focus to survival, and find a way out of his marriage before it's too late.
Ships: Logince (Logan x Roman) Moxiety (Virgil x Patton)
Content Warnings: arranged marriage, abuse, attempted sexual assault, murder, poisoning, character death, hurt/comfort, angst
Word Count: 2604
Read on AO3: here!
Cowritten with @ironwoman359 masterlist
False masterlist
As the son of the Baron of Falkirk, Roman Sanders always knew that when he married, it would be due to a political arrangement. There was a small part of him that mourned the loss of the chance to meet a beautiful stranger and fall hopelessly in love, like the characters in the fairytales that his nanny read to him as a child. But those fantasies were just that, fairytales. The fanciful whims of a child had no place in Roman’s life now that he had come of age. His marriage was to serve one purpose: to elevate his family.
And Roman had been training for that purpose his entire life.
Barely a month had passed since Roman’s twentieth birthday when he was called into his father’s study. He knew that whatever the reason for his summons, it must be important, as his father hated more than anything to be interrupted in his work. Roman knocked twice on the familiar, thick oak doors, and held his breath until he heard his father’s muffled answer from within.
“Come in.”
Roman stepped inside, and was surprised to see his mother and older brother already in the room, seated opposite his father’s old mahogany desk. As he entered, his father stood, gesturing to an empty chair that sat beside his mother.
“Have a seat, son.”
Roman sat.
“I have good news,” his father continued. “As you have now reached the proper age, one of my primary interests has been to find an appropriate arrangement for your marriage.”
Roman’s heartbeat quickened, and he forced himself to remain calm, folding his hands in his lap. This was it. This was the moment that he’d been preparing for nearly all of his life; the moment that would shape his entire future.
“There were many factors to consider,” his father said, stepping around the desk to stand beside his wife. “It was not an easy decision. However, your mother and I have entered an agreement that we believe will be very profitable, for you and for the family.”
Roman nodded. His father was a shrewd negotiator; he was sure that, whatever the terms of the engagement were, the Sanders family would not lose more than what it stood to gain.
“So, you’ve reached a decision then, Father?” he asked, taking a deep breath and willing his expression to remain neutral.
“I have,” his father agreed. “You are to be wed to the Earl of Asberg, Lord Garret Howard. I have just received a message from his footman: they arrived at the Fireside Inn late this afternoon. Tomorrow, they will come to the manor to bring you to Lord Howard’s estate to begin the engagement period.”
Roman bit back a gasp, his eyes growing wide.
“Lord Howard?” he repeated. “I was not even aware the earl was looking for a suitor.”
“For many years, he was not,” Roman’s mother spoke up. “His youth was spent primarily securing the political and financial status of his late father’s estate. Only recently has he turned his attention to more social matters.”
“Your dowry aside, the connections we will gain through this marriage will be of an immense benefit to us,” said Roman’s father. “I know you know your duty son; I trust you will make us proud.”
“I will, Father,” Roman said, getting to his feet. His father held out a hand, and Roman shook it firmly, doing his best to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. “Thank you.”
His mother and brother stood as well, and Roman let his mother pull him into a quick hug and plant a kiss on his cheek.
“Congratulations dear,” she said as she pulled away, a proud smile on her face. “I know you’ll do just wonderfully.”
“Thank you, Mother,” he said, squeezing her hand, and then his brother was in front of him.
“Congrats, Ro,” he said quietly.
“Thanks, Remy,” Roman whispered, and when they shook hands, Roman hoped Remy didn’t notice the slight tremble in his grip.
“The carriage will arrive at eight o’clock tomorrow morning,” Roman’s father declared. “I’ve already instructed the maids to pack your clothing. Whatever other preparations you need, I suggest you make them now.”
“I will. Thank you, Father,” Roman said again, bowing his head slightly to his family.
He left the study, walking through the halls of the manor as though walking through a dream. He reached his quarters, and it was only after he shut the door behind him that he realized he very well might never walk the path from the study to his room again. He sat on the edge of his bed, his formal posture falling from his shoulders like a forgotten shawl now that he was alone.
True to his father’s words, a trunk lay open at the foot of his bed, his shirts and trousers and suits all carefully folded and placed inside by the maid. Another, smaller trunk had been placed beside it, no doubt for Roman to fill with whatever else he wished to bring with him to his fiance’s estate.
His fiance…
Sun, moon, and stars, he was engaged. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know it was coming; he was the youngest of his parents’ three children, after all. As the oldest son, Remington would inherit the title Baron of Falkirk and all the duties that came with it, while Roman and Remus would be married into other families to increase the Sanders’ political influence. So Roman had always known that he was destined to leave the family manor.
That didn’t necessarily mean he was ready to.
He sighed, sweeping his eyes around his room. What would he even take with him? A single evening was hardly enough time for him to consider all that he owned and decide what to bring on a permanent move halfway across the country. Should he bring his books, his star charts, his journals and quills? Or would he be able to find suitable replacements for them all at Lord Howard’s estate? Would he even have time to indulge in his hobbies as the husband of an earl? If only he’d had more than a day’s notice of his departure, then he’d have time to think!
A light knock on the door pulled Roman from his thoughts, and he straightened instantly.
“Who is it?” he called.
“It’s me, Roman,” came the answer, and Roman relaxed at the sound of his brother’s voice.
“Come on in, Rem.”
Remy stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and giving Roman what was probably meant to be a smile, but came out more like a grimace.
“So, it’s finally time,” he said, and Roman rolled his eyes.
“No need to sound like I’m on my deathbed, Remy. It’s just an engagement, we all knew this was coming.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Remy sighed, plopping down on the bed next to Roman and leaning back against the headboard. “Still...I had sort of hoped you’d end up somewhere decently close by. Gremont, for instance, I know Lady Lishan has a daughter who’s eligible. Or maybe Ravenhold. Then you could at least visit. Asberg is…”
“Far,” Roman agreed.
He’d been trying not to think about it. Asberg was at least four days away by carriage, maybe longer depending on the weather, and Roman had never been so far away from home unaccompanied in his life.
“Hey though, the wedding’s only six months away. I’ll get to see you then! And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to come visit for the harvest festival next year...or you could come visit me!”
“Only if you serve coffee,” Remy joked, and Roman laughed, the tension in the room easing just a bit.
“Help me pack?” Roman asked. “I can’t figure out if I should bring everything or nothing.”
“Hmm…” Remy sat up and scanned the room. “My advice? Bring only what you think you can’t live without.”
Roman hesitated, then looked up at his brother.
“You?” he suggested. He tried to shoot Remy a playful smirk, but he could feel the corners of his mouth wobbling, and he knew from the sad smile on his brother’s face that Remy didn’t buy it.
“I wish, Ro-bro,” Remy said, nudging their shoulders together. “But I think one son running away from home is enough of a scandal for Father to deal with.”
“That’s fair, I suppose,” Roman said, looking down and fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “What...what do you think Remus would say? If he were here to see me off?”
“Honestly?” Remy looked up at the ceiling for a moment, then snorted. “He wouldn’t say anything, he’d just lock you in the bedroom and throw away the key to make you stay. Or kidnap you and hide you somewhere so that the wedding had to be cancelled altogether.”
“You’re probably right,” Roman said. He chuckled, but the laugh felt hollow, like a piece of it was missing...gone forever and irreplaceable, just like his brother. “Did...did I ever tell you that he came to see me, the night he left?” he asked quietly.
“No,” Remy answered. “But I had a feeling that he did.”
“He asked me to go with him,” Roman said. “To leave you and Mother and Father and everything we’d ever known, to go chasing ‘freedom’ and ‘adventure,’ like we were children again.” He shook his head, closing his fingers into fists. “I told him I couldn’t.”
“I think he knew that,” Remy said. “But I...I also think he felt he had to at least ask you for himself. I don’t think he’d really believe that you wanted to stay unless he heard you say it.”
“And I did want to stay,” Roman insisted. “I begged him to stay. But he wouldn’t listen, and he left, and now it’s been three years and I have to leave you and Mother and Father and everything I’ve ever known anyway, except now I’ll be alone.” Roman looked up at Remy, his eyes shining with un-shed tears. “What if...what if I made the wrong choice?”
Remy pulled him closer, hooking his chin over Roman’s head like he did when they were small and Roman would trip in the garden and scrape his knee.
“I can’t answer that for you, Ro-bro,” he murmured. “That’s something you have to figure out. But for what it’s worth...I’m glad you stayed. It- it would have been even harder, I think, to lose both of you.”
“You’re losing me now,” Roman whispered, but Remy shook his head.
“No,” he said vehemently. “I’m not. You said it yourself, Roman, the wedding’s only in six months. And Asberg may be far, but it’s not like it's across the ocean or anything. We’ll still be able to see each other once in a while. Remus…” Remy sighed, and tightened his grip around Roman’s shoulders. “Remus left us for himself. You’re leaving us for the family. That’s the difference.”
“Yeah...I know,” Roman said, sniffling a little and nestling deeper into his brother’s hold. “I’m still gonna miss you though.”
“I’ll miss you too, Ro-bro,” Remy said, dropping a kiss into Roman’s hair. “I’ll miss you too.”
Remy eventually left Roman to pack, and the rest of the night passed in a blur. Roman finally decided what to bring with him (his used notebooks and journals, his collection of star charts, and an old cloak that the maid hadn’t packed because it was torn, but that Roman couldn’t bear to part with) and what to leave behind (unused sketchbooks, his set of inks and quills, and the ancient paint set that he hadn’t touched in almost a year), but when he lay down to try and get some rest, sleep evaded him. He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, unable to stop his thoughts from racing. Morning arrived far too soon for his liking, and before he’d really processed what was happening, he was standing at the bottom of the front steps of the manor with his family, waiting for the carriage to arrive.
"Now Roman, remember," his father said, and Roman looked up at him. "Lord Howard oversees an estate far larger than our own. Whatever duties you are expected to perform, they will be on a scale far greater than what you are accustomed to here."
"He may look to you to aid him in business, but he may also expect you to oversee more of the social obligations. He has dealings with many different families, after all," Roman's mother added, and Roman nodded.
"Politics is never just about numbers," he recited, and his father's lips twitched in a small smile.
"That's right, son. Remember all that we've taught you, and you'll do fine."
A carriage pulled in at the end of the manor's drive, and Roman took a deep breath.
"Remember to write!" his mother said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and giving his shoulder a squeeze.
Roman placed a hand over hers, then shot Remy a lopsided smile.
"Any last words for me, Rem?"
Remy smirked, and ruffled Roman's hair.
"If you let Earlship go to your head, I’ll cut you out of the estate when I take over."
"Honestly, Remington," their mother said, rolling her eyes, and Remy winked at Roman.
The carriage reached them then, and Roman quickly moved to fix his hair. A footman hopped down from a seat on the rear, and bowed to Roman's father.
"Good morning," he said as he straightened. "I come on behalf of my Lord Garret Howard, Earl of Asberg, to deliver a dowry payment to Lord Phillip Sanders, Baron of Falkirk, and to collect his lordship's fiance, Lord Roman Sanders."
"Thank you, sir," said Roman's father, nodding to the footman. "Our family is honored by this union. May I present my son, Roman."
Roman inclined his head to the servant, who bowed again, quick and low.
"A pleasure, my lord. Allow me to gather your things."
Roman's luggage was loaded onto the back of the carriage, and Roman tried not to think about the large trunk that was unloaded and left at his father's feet. He hadn't been told the amount of his dowry, and he didn't want to know. For some reason, it made him feel strange to think about money being given to his family in return for his hand; it made it seem more like he'd been bought, when that wasn't the case!
“Well,” he said when everything was ready to go. “I guess this is it.”
“Safe journey, son,” his father said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Make us proud.”
Roman swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He gave his family as strong a smile as he could muster, then he stepped into the carriage and the footman closed the door behind him. Roman drew the curtains back from the window and peered behind them as the carriage pulled away from his home. Remy and his mother were both waving, and even his father raised his hand briefly in farewell. Roman watched them grow smaller and smaller, and then the carriage turned out of the grounds and he couldn’t see them anymore. The manor that had been his entire world for the past twenty years shrank into the distance, until it was nothing but a speck on the horizon.
Roman finally turned around so he was facing the direction the carriage was traveling. His father’s words echoed in his mind, and he took a deep breath.
Don’t worry, father, he thought. I’ll make you proud. I’ll make our whole family proud.
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#sanders sides#sanders sides fic#roman sanders#remy sanders#logan sanders#sanders sides au#you dont own me#ydom
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SPOILERS FOR WTIT :
Foreshadowing of Logan's Outburst or Snap and Indications of Future Problems
After rewatching some of the Sanders Sides past episodes, it seems very clear that Logan's outburst is fairly unsurprising. But, there may be some other foreshadowing thats taking place other than his outburst, and maybe his future dilemma's maybe indicated as well.
One example i saw is his question in the musical number of the puppet episode, where Patton explains his repression of emotion, and Logan seemingly asking if it worked in some way. And almost seemingly shocked by Patton's answer.
It almost seems like he was trying to find the answer to his own problem. He's repeated before that he has NO feelings or emotions, and that he has no care of sentiments. He's in denial of his emotions and Patton's situation seem to fascinate him because he seems to have the same problem. Almost like the more he ignores his emotions, the more he believes they disappear altogether, like what Patton said. The answer seemed to shocked him either because of Patton learning and applying the lesson he learned, or because he had a similar problem and shocked by an unexpected answer. This feels like a foreshadow to Logan's problem, and this is not the only example of that. All instances of Logan denying his emotions are just further evidence that thats his problem. His acceptance of his emotions. This is me not doing too much research here, so bear with me if theres a way to debunk it.
Of course this isnt a surprise to some, but this is a foreshadow to his outburst. The further you fill this jar of emotions, the closer it is to bursting into a field of emotions and outbursts. I think maybe the future episode might tackle that problem. Denial is a form of deception, you cant have deception WITHOUT denial in some capacity. You can tell that Janus in some way knows Logan's dilemma, he is deceit after all, he knows that Logan has a tendency to deny his own emotions. Even the other sides seem to know this as well. Logan always clarifies he has no emotions and this further feeds deceit.
Janus and Remus' push comes to shove
This can also explain why Janus and Remus push Logan to a different level than all the other sides. An example of this is the newest asides video(WTIT) and both SvS and SvS redux. Why are there methods of pushing Logan away different from the other sides? Well, lets first see how the other sides do this. First, the other sides never do this intentionally or in a malicious way. They explain Logan why his point of view doesnt particularly matter, and that their argument is more feasible. They dont FORCE Logan aside, they just dont put the effort to listen and comprehend his input. Example of this is the end card of WTIT, Patton choosing to ignore Logan's input on SvS Redux, and Thomas, Patton, and Roman almost ignoring and nonchalantly putting aside his wants in the Moving On episode. They dont force Logan away, they just dont give value to his input enough for him to feel worthy.
Remus and Janus' way is through FORCE. Theyre upfront and malicious with their tactics. Remus blatantly targeting Logan specifically on the introductory episode of him. Janus disguising himself, two times, as Logan to remove him from the equation. They both force Logan down, to try and bring themselves up. I dont particularly know why theyre pushing Logan to his limits. Either an entry for the Orange side?
But this is whats weird. Janus is responsible to who or which side can be seen. Hes responsible on who is hidden away from Thomas, and who isnt. Thats why in Remus' song mentions this;
Recently a snake offered me a morsel from the tree of knowledge
He said "you're wanting to be more honest
And be direct dealing with your issues
No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you"
(a certain thing i suddenly realize is that the 'tree of knowledge' is referenced in WTIT. The last end shot where it pans to Logan and the roots of the tree to Janus. Just a small thing i realized :) )
So why does the orange side need 'influence'? Yes, Thomas has a say on what he wants to see and what he doesnt, but what about Remus? In a way its far more fitting for him to just barge in rather than have permission to show up. But if we were to assume Orange as rage or a form of it, why does he NEED influence (assuming he does) to truly be seen? A question that im hoping will get answered in future episodes.
Janus' power and deniability
Janus has more power than we think. He can shut the sides up about a certain side in order for Thomas to be unaware. So maybe, in the end card, Janus is hinting for the Orange Side to finally being seen because of his help. His power stems from something but what?
Have you noticed something in common with all of the dark sides introductory episodes? They all speak about DENIAL. Denial of Thomas' capacity to deceit and the denial of imagination having an 'evil form' of it. His denial is what keeps the dark sides at bay, and what keeps him from knowing about the other sides. I think thats the main reason why Janus has the power to show Thomas the other sides, because denial is a form of deceit, and Janus has power over that.
And who else has a BIG problem with deniability? Logan. Logan denies that his emotions even exist in the first place. One example of denial being a big part is this line that really stuck with me,
No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you
Janus is speaking to Remus yes, but this also resonates with Logan and Thomas. 'Deceiving yourself' is lying to yourself, denying the existence of bad within you. Remus KNOWS that Logan is lying to himself, because it seems like Remus had the same experience with how Janus told this to him specifically. He knows Logan's problems and the whole "Now youre speakin' my language" makes even more sense. He saw Logans truth. His ugliness within him.
Another line also stuck with me is this;
Why deny yourself knowledge
Say knowledge of yourself?
You don't need to feel ashamed with your dear old Duke
You need not feign decency
This also seems so targeted to Logan. He feigns that he has no emotions therefore has no flawed and hurtful emotions that can target Thomas. He feigns decency. Also! 'Why deny yourself knowledge, say knowledge of yourself?' seems to resonate with Logan as well. Im not saying these lyrics are TARGETED SPECIFICALLY towards Logan, but resonate instead.
Logan's deniability of emotions
Think about it, denial is the reason why dark sides are hidden. And Logan denies his emotions. Connect the dots and its understandable why some people believe Logan to be either hiding something about the Orange side, or him being the Orange side in general.
Few mentions
Another targeted insult (while not surprising coming from Remus) also acknowledges Logan's problem,
He knows his problems, and this is where Logan denies this entirely
Which seems like a lie to me, but nonetheless
Remus pushes the take that he has an effect on Logan
Logan also denying this entirely
Even though, that is the exact OPPOSITE of what happened to him with Remus on the latest sanders asides.
TLDR; Logans denial of his emotions is a big problem that may be addressed in future episodes. Denial is a big part of the dark sides anonymity and Thomas' deniability is the very reason for hidden dark sides.
Both Remus and Janus push Logan for either an entry way for Orange, but still skeptical because of Janus having the power to make dark sides be seen based on his control of deniability, so why put the effort?
Logan's connection to denial maybe a more reason why he seems to be the only side that explicitly shows anger to the point of physical pain towards others or other outbursts. Deniability and the dark sides having a connection seems to further push the theory of Logan showing his true colors or self. Of course that theory has many flaws in of itself, i think Logan's denial has a big part as to why he showed orange eyes
Remus affects Logan in quite different ways compared to Virgil and Patton
anyways, this has been long enough, i hope this was understandable, and as always
THIS IS ALL THEORIES,
do not take them as truth or fact, but rather speculation
anyway, peacee
#sanders sides#sanders sides theory#orange side#ts logan#ts remus#ts janus#ts orange side#thomas sanders#ts spoilers
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For One More Hour or One More Day
Dukeceit Week Day 6: Horror/Comedy
Remus and Janus work in IT, and Remus never fails to make Janus' life a bit more exciting than it should be. Janus wouldn't have it any other way.
AO3 Link: [here]
Word Count: 1416
Warnings: swearing, typical Remus-levels of implied sexual content.
@dukeceitweek <3
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[06032021 Network Node Down- 172.12.203.1 - Dee Why ]
Janus stared at the next ticket in his queue. He didn't even have to look at which tech wrote it. He just knew. He picked up his phone and dialed.
“'Sup, DeeDee?"
"Because they use ancient technology and refuse to upgrade, that's why."
There was a beat of silence on the line. Janus didn't need to see him to know Remus was grinning like a maniac.
“Oh, JD, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," Remus said finally. His voice was laced with barely-contained glee.
“Uh-huh, sure," Janus replied dryly. He watched on his screen as an incoming call diverted from his in-use line. "Do you want to clarify for me, in excruciating detail, what, exactly, it is that broke this time? After all, if it's something I can fix from here, it would save the company an awful lot of money. And you know how I love saving this company money."
“You don't feel like taking work calls either, huh?"
“Ree, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."
-
[06142021 CRITICAL | Device failed Availability and Latency checks - Dispatch Requested]
Janus sat in his truck for a few minutes, cross-checking the address across his e-mail, Slack, and the ticket itself. And yeah, they all matched. This wasn’t a repeat of that time Remus had changed the address on the ticket from 96th St. to 69th St. as a joke.
(Janus had almost gotten mugged. He was still a little salty about that one.)
But this time, all the addresses matched. The problem was, he was parked in front of a restaurant instead of the usual office building, and that just didn’t seem right. He opened up Slack on his phone.
Janus D’lyre: Are you sure the address is right?
Remus Rey: Yeah, it’s right.
Janus D’lyre: It’s a restaurant.
Remus Rey: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Janus D’lyre: Are you positive it’s right?
Remus Rey: I just write the tickets, Dee, I don’t do a background check. Just go in.
Janus sighed. He got out of his truck, hefted his tech bag over his shoulder, and went inside.
It was a nice restaurant. Very fancy, with a goddamn chandelier hanging over the front lobby. Field engineers weren’t required to dress in a suit and tie, but Janus did by habit- and he was glad he did, because he would feel like a horrible slob standing here in jeans and a polo.
“Can I help you?”
Janus looked over to the host, standing at the counter with a bright smile that only looked 52% faked.
“Yes,” Janus answered. “I’m here about the network issues?”
“Oh!” The host- his name tag read ‘Patton’- brightened up a bit. “Yeah! Remus is waiting for you, this way!”
“Remus is what?”
It was too late. Patton had already darted around the counter and off into the dining area. Janus sighed and, regretting every life choice leading up to this exact moment, followed.
Sure enough, Remus was waiting for him. Patton led him to a quieter area of the restaurant, where Remus was sitting at a table. Well, sitting was a generous way to phrase it, because in reality, he was tipped back on the rear two legs of the chair, combat boot-clad feet up on the table. He jumped up eagerly at the sight of Janus, and somehow managed not to fall backwards and crack his skull open.
“Hey! You made it! Thanks, Pat!”
“No problemo!” the host replied with a grin before heading back to the front counter. Janus briefly considered that he might be having a fever dream right now.
“Remus, what the fuck?”
“Told you it was the right address!”
Janus glared. “That is not what I’m ‘what the fuck’-ing you about.”
“I mean, I’d prefer me fucking you-”
“Remus.”
“Well, you work so hard, DeeDee,” Remus said calmly, as if he wasn’t standing in the middle of the fanciest restaurant on this side of town, dressed in his usual tank-top and leather vest combo and probably mashing dirt into the plush red carpet, and definitely doing something that should get him fired. “I thought you could take a break, and we could have a nice dinner.”
No, he wasn’t doing something that should get him fired. He was doing something that should get them both fired.
“You’re joking, right?”
“Kinda a lame joke.”
“Remus, you had me dispatched to a random address for a fake problem, to have dinner with you on company time?”
“‘Course not, who do you think I am?”
Janus did not dignify that with an answer. He turned to walk away.
“Jannie, wait!” Remus darted around the table to get in front of him. Janus stopped, and glared. “This is Roman’s restaurant! It’s not a random address, he’s an actual client.”
Janus’ glare lessened. Ok, sure, they did have some smaller commercial clients. And sure, Remus had mentioned his brother’s restaurant was using them as tech support now after a bad experience with a different company. But- “It’s still a fake problem, Remus.”
A shit-eating grin spread across Remus’ face. “Nah. I unplugged the router.”
Janus snorted in a totally dignified manner. “You didn’t.”
“I did.”
“...Well, I suppose… I’d better investigate the issue. Couldn’t be solved remotely, hardware problem and all.”
Remus held out a hand. Janus took it, and let Remus lead him back to the table.
“Great, cause I already ordered!”
-
[06192021 Switch is problematic. Unable to get into the switch || Serial No. 111-0203-2018]
Janus very calmly cleared the ticket, set his work phone to away, pulled out his personal phone, and sent Remus a text.
Jannie-D: I know you’re upset I didn’t let you fuck me last night. Get over it.
Remster: i will not
-
Virgil Caligo: yo are u and remus like good?
Janus D’lyre: We had a small argument last night. Why?
Virgil Caligo: [image attached]
Janus sighed. Virgil had sent him a screenshot of a ticket update Remus had just posted.
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘The device is not only unresponsive to simple ping requests, but is being kind of a jerk about it. 100% package loss, a tragedy. Device was confirmed to be connected to a working power source, but they all say that, so who can really be sure. Dispatch requested, please confirm maintenance window. Actually showing up would be great, too.’
Janus hastily typed a message to Virgil.
Janus D’lyre: Did you take that one?
Virgil Caligo: ya. logan didnt see dw
Janus D’lyre: Thanks. You can transfer it to me, I’ll take care of it.
Janus leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. What a comedy of errors this day had been. It was the last time he’d forget he and Remus had a date night planned, that’s for sure.
-
Remus sighed when a priority ticket popped up in his queue. He was having a grand time ignoring his other queues in favor of sculpting a rather elaborate dick out of the green Play-Doh he kept at his desk, but he really did not feel like getting bitched out by Logan for missing a priority ticket. Grumbling to himself, he stuffed the Play-Doh back into its tub and opened the ticket.
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘Likely a hardware bug. Possible remote fix with reset and reconfigure. Device information missing from online records. Please check file and update record.’
Fuck. Remus hated pulling files. What a pain. He trudged his way upstairs to the records room, which was always dark and depressing because nobody ever went there because who the fuck used physical paper in 2021?
But when he unlocked the door and pushed it open, the light was on. And every surface was covered in flowers.
“What the fuck?” Remus asked the flowers. They didn’t answer. But, at the small desk near the door, there was a stack of green boxes from his favorite bakery- and on top of that, he saw an envelope with his name on it. Eagerly, Remus tore open the envelope.
Inside, he found a single sheet of Janus’ fancy stationery paper, the kind with the little holographic snakes along the edge that he only ever used for special occasions. And on that paper, one single sentence, penned in Janus’ elegant, flourishy handwriting: Ok, you can fuck me tonight.
- - -
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘I take it back, the device is no longer being a jerk, and I love the device very much.’
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Refined Taste
pairing: Zuko x Princess!reader
notes: an anon requested some more Iroh and Princess content so I delivered hehe
~ part of the fire lilies series ~
The soft whistle of the boiling tea pot is a welcomed sound that brings you a great sense of peace and comfort as you work in the kitchen of the Jasmine Dragon. Few customers occupy the shop as they sit and chat over cups of tea and mini cakes— a limited time only delicacy curtesy of the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe— and with a lull in the crowd after a very busy day at work, you’re happy to spend your free time chatting away with Iroh.
Today marked the fourth day of Zuko’s much needed slumber, so while you waited for him to wake you spent your time revisiting old friends and places in Ba Sing Se. You said hello to Miss Tai and bought three new dresses to help support her small business, you went out for a pleasant lunch date with Jin, and, something you were admittedly embarrassed about doing, you spent your evenings wistfully gazing out your window in hopes of spotting the Blue Spirit. It was odd being back in the place that held some of your happiest and some of your darkest memories, but you loved it all the same. During the day you made sure to check on Zuko as he slept, and when your presence was no longer needed you made yourself useful by helping Iroh run the Jasmine Dragon.
The events that had occurred in Yu Dao had almost been disastrous, but with the help of Katara and the residents of the colony Aang was finally able to see that Zuko had been right all along. You stayed on the sidelines just as you had told Zuko you would, it wasn’t your place to interfere, but now that things had settled and King Kue was willing to negotiate you would be attending the meeting as a representative for the South and to offer any aid you could. However, such a council could not take place until Zuko awoke, and so you found yourself in the company of Uncle Iroh.
“I don’t even want to imagine what my nephew’s life would be like without your courage and support,” Iroh says over the boiling water. “Thank you again for bringing him to me, y/n. Spirits know he wouldn’t have come on his own, he’s too stubborn.”
“Well, I did have some help from Aang,” you admit with a quiet laugh, “but you don’t need to thank me. I love Zuko, and I’ll always look out for his best interests.”
“So you’ve proven time and time again. He is lucky to have you, you know. Very lucky.”
“Thank you, Uncle,” you smile, gazing down bashfully at the sleeves of your dress. “But Zuko’s also lucky to have you.”
“He is lucky to have both of us. I mean, we are an excellent team,” Iroh says with a wink. Your shared laughter quiets at the sound of careful footsteps making their way into the room, and you feel your heart swell with love and adoration at the sight of a sleepy Zuko standing in the kitchen doorway.
“Well, look who finally decided to wake up!”
“Hi sleepyhead,” you say with a smile, rising from your seat to meet him halfway. Zuko is grateful for your touch as you rest a hand upon his cheek and press your lips against his own in a delicate kiss. You taste of honey and ginger, your intoxicating scent of fire lilies invading his senses, and though Zuko wishes he could kiss you with fervency, he settles for one last lingering kiss before finally parting from you; making out in front of his Uncle is something he’d rather not do, so he composes himself.
“How are you feeling?” Iroh asks, watching with an amused smile on his face as you and Zuko immediately cling to each other. Your arms wind around one another and hold each other close, and the love you share is enough to warm the old man’s heart. Yes, Zuko is in very good hands.
“Better,” Zuko notes faintly, “but tired.”
“I’ll make you a nice cup of green tea to wake you up a bit,” the man says as he immediately gets to work.
“Let’s go sit down,” you suggest, taking Zuko’s hand and guiding him towards one of the empty tables in the shop. He seats himself with a yawn and smiles gratefully as you take off your warm shawl and drape it over his shoulders before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Hungry? There’s still some mini cakes left over.”
“Are there any strawberry cakes?” He asks with a meek smile.
“But of course! What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t make my boyfriend his favorite kind of mini cakes? I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you,” Zuko calls after your retreating form, hearts in his eyes as he watches you disappear behind the curtains. Would it be selfish of him to ask you to be his Fire Lady right now?
Iroh leaves the kitchen with a pot of tea just as you walk in to fetch Zuko his cake. You make sure to grab the one with the most strawberries and extra frosting, the way he likes it, and set it neatly onto a plate before returning to your beloved. Aang is now seated across from him, and so you say nothing as you place his food before him and sit down beside Zuko.
“—Since Roku’s my past life, in a way you’re my family, Zuko. And no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to detach myself from those sorts of bonds,” Aang laments. “It’s a flaw, I know, but it’s one I’ve decided to accept, for this life at least.”
“You’re not the one who’s flawed, Aang,” Zuko sighs. “Why can’t the struggle get easier for me? Even just a little? Sometimes I wonder how long I’ll last.”
He doesn’t meet your gaze when the confession leave his lips, but the way in which Zuko reaches over and tightly grabs hold of your hand is enough. Your heart breaks at his words and you desperately wish you could ease his pain and worries, but you know that being here by his side is enough for now. And you’ll be by his side whenever he needs you to be.
“You know, in that dream, a woman stood with us on that mountaintop watching from the shadows. I think she was my mother...”
“Sometimes, dreams are the way a person’s spirit reveals the answer to his own problems,” Iroh notes wisely. Then, with a humorous smile on his face, “but, then again, sometimes they are just the result of eating spicy food before going to bed.”
“Maybe finding my mother would connect me to a part of my heritage that isn’t so murky and confusing,” Zuko notes thoughtfully. “Maybe then I’d finally find peace. I’ve never told anyone this, but right after I became Fire Lord I sent out search party after search party looking for her. I even hired June and her shirshu. They all came back empty handed. What can I do now that I haven already tried?”
“It’s a new world, Zuko. You need to take some new risks,” Aang says wisely.
“We all do,” you agree, your mind already beginning to drift elsewhere as you calculate how long you can stay away from home without being missed too much.
“Speaking of risks,” Iroh cuts in with a smile as he presents three glass of odd looking to your trio, “why don’t you all try this brand-new beverage I invented?”
“What is it?” You ask curiously, taking the glass Zuko hands to you and swirling the odd looking balls at the bottom of it with your straw.
“Well first, I cook tapioca balls until they’re soft and tender. Then I put them in the tea, where they sit like little pearl-sized snacks at the bottom of each cup! Add a little milk and— ta-da!— a revolution in tea is born!”
Zuko and Aang share uneasy glances with each other before slowly taking sips from their glasses only to immediately cringe the moment the tapioca balls hit their their tongues.
“What is that trying to sneak into my mouth?!” Zuko exclaims after promptly spitting out the pearls.
“Wow,” Aang chuckles nervously, “I’ve never had tea that’s quite so... chewy.”
“It seems I am a man ahead of my time,” Iroh says sadly, his eyes casted downward to the floor. However, the noisy sound of a straw directs all attention towards the smiling Princess and interrupts his bout of sadness. Oblivious to the gazes of your friends set upon you, you happily suck the last of your tea from the glass until it’s completely empty. It’s only once your drink is gone do you finally notice the strange looks sent your way by Zuko and Aang.
“What?” You retort with furrowed brows. “It’s really good.”
“Finally, someone with taste!” Iroh exclaims happily at your praise. “It appears I am a revolutionary after all.”
“You actually like that stuff?” Zuko says flabbergasted.
“It’s just tea, but different,” you shrug, grinning when Zuko hands you his leftover drink to finish for him. “However, the only thing I would add is some ice. It tastes better cold.”
“Genius!” The tea maker compliments, watching in awe as you bend ice cubes of your own to plop into the glass. “Y/n, you must come to the Jasmine Dragon more often, I could use your refined taste.”
“‘Refined’ is a strong word,” Zuko murmurs only for you to elbow his side. “Ow! What did I say?”
“I’d be happy to, Uncle,” you say with a sweet smile.
“I think I know who the new favorite is,” Aang jokes only for Zuko to roll his eyes. However, he can’t help the smile that grows on his face as he watches you and his Uncle interact together. It was safe to say you hadn’t made a good impression on his sister or his father, but the only thing Zuko really cared about was his Uncle, and from what he could see the two of you were like peas in a pod. Faintly, Zuko wondered if you would be the same way with his mother.
“What are you thinking about?” You whisper to the Fire Lord, immediately taking notice of his far off look.
“About you,” Zuko admits to your surprise, “and how much I love you. And how I’m really glad you’re here.”
Heat spreads its way across your face and you smile bashfully at his profession, resting your head upon his shoulder as you converse with Aang. Though Zuko hates to keep you away from home longer than you need to be, he knows he’ll need your help with something else. But before he can ask you, there’s one person he still needs to see before he can begin his next journey.
He needs to talk to Azula.
| tags: @rainteslerrrr @simpinforsukka @sirkekselord @protect-remus @oddment-niwit-blubber-tweak @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @coldlilheart @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @draqondance @taeeemin @user12345321 @just--artemis--with--ghost @titaniafire @dekahg @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @lozzybowe @izzieserra @melacholy @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @djskfkdkkf @xapham @yeetletzgetitjae @misnmatchedsox @chewymoustachio @that-bucket-hat-gal @chilifrylizard2 @kyomihann @kaylove12 @kiwihoee @freggietale @neighborhoodpansexualdisaster @noodlesfluffy @moon-spirit-yue @bubblegum-bee-otch
#avatar: the last airbender#zuko#prince zuko#zuko x reader#prince zuko x reader#zuko imagine#prince zuko imagine#uncle iroh#iroh#aang#aang x reader#zuko and the princess#avatar the last airbender#atla#atla x reader#atla imagine#the promise#fire lilies
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GEORGE WEASLEY
I'm Holy. Get it?
Requested: no
Prompts: none (all lines are from the movie save for the reader’s + some other)
Warning(s): I'd say if you haven't watched HP movie 7 don't read this but I mean...
[Y/FN or Y/MN] is your father’s name or your mother’s name, whichever you prefer :)
Word count: 2.6K
Author's note: This is set directly in the first part of the ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 1′ movie (Polyjuice scenes and arriving at the Burrow after the Sky battle). Reader reacts to George's injury kinda thing. I highly recommend rewatching those specific scenes so you get the feels:
Arrival at Privet Drive (watch first 50 seconds)
Full Polyjuice scenes
The Sky Battle (watch all if you want)
The Order at the Burrow after the Sky Battle
This is by far my favourite one-shot out of all of my work and it took me a while to write it so please like, reblog and let me know what you think! P.S. if you’re up for me to write a part 2, that one shot will be set before, during and after the wedding <3
MASTERLIST
Darkness set around Privet Drive seemed to be rippling, the air wafting all around. The Dursley's house, home of the famous chosen boy Harry came into view only as the brooms lowered to the ground. Not only brooms, in three cases skeletal, black winged horses too. Hagrid dominated the scene, sitting in an enormous motorbike you had begged him to give you a ride on, with goggles and a helmet set on his bearded face.
Despite not arriving in the motorbike, you had flown on the next best thing - a broom, with arms wrapped around your boyfriend, face nested against his shoulder and a million sweet nothings whispered into your ears on the way over.
You were pleased to say the least.
One by one, you lifted the Disillusionment Charms, coming into view for Harry Potter to see through the window of his room.
George Weasley dismounted the broom with ease, helping you off by letting you put your hand on his strong shoulders.
Harry pulled the front door open, eyes wide upon hearing Hermione screech and fling her arms around him. Ron: the next best thing how George and Fred always say, clapped his best friend's back and waltzed into the house after Hermione.
You stood outside, holding George's hand, body molded against his and watched the scenes unfold with the rest of the Order - Bill, Fleur, Tonks, Lupin, Arthur, Mad-Eye Moody, Kingsley, Fred and George. You were accompanied by Mundungus Fletcher: a small, dirty man with droopy eyes and hair that was non-existent. Behind Mad-Eye stood a slender man in a dark suit, having just dismounted the third winged horse. He was handsome, so to speak, with black hair brushed behind and dark glasses shielding his eyes.
"Who wears sunglasses at midnight?" Fred had mumbled when he saw the man for the first time at the headquarters. You laughed immediately, agreeing by throwing a joke of your own.
George was protective; he made sure you weren't close to either of them as you followed the rest of the Order inside. As was Bill, his older brother, who had a hand on his fiancée's back, ushering her inside while placing himself as a human shield against Mundungus and the stranger. You were thankful for George, just like Fleur for Bill - you saw it in her eyes when you made it inside the small, family home that was once filled with furniture.
"Hello, Harry. Bill Weasley," said the oldest brother, hand extended for Harry to take.
"Ah, pleasure to meet you," this was the first time Harry had met the oldest Weasley and he shook his hand immediately and gave Fleur a hug right after.
"Wasn't always this handsome." Fred teased, pushing through the small crowd of people.
"Dead ugly," Your boyfriend added, holding your hand, and pushing you in front of him as the auror walked in right after you three did.
You released George's hand and came in to give Harry a hug, who you considered to be your close friend. "Are you going back to Hogwarts?" The boy asked you, knowing you were as old as him and his closest friends.
You shook your head, "My parents are in the Order as much as I am. I'll go when we defeat him. At least that's what I have planned."
"Of course, she'll go," Hermione interjected, not wanting to take the N.E.W.T. alone.
"No, she'll work with me," George butted in the conversation, grinning. "She'll be our salesman."
"Or saleswoman!" Fred voiced somewhere around the house.
Your lips spread into a grin instinctively as you placed a hand into George's already extended one and joined him somewhere else, letting Harry get to know a little bit more about Bill and his scar.
"-the joker," the last of Tonks' words made their way into your ears. The bubbly woman came to stand next to you. "By the way, wait until you hear the news! Remus and I are -"
"All right, all right!" Mad-Eye interrupted Tonks mid-sentence. You gave her a smile and a glance at her belly. She smiled in return. "You’ll all have time for a cozy catch-up later! We’ve got to get the hell out of here and soon!"
"What news?" George leaned in and whispered into your ear, Fred leaning in too.
"Doesn't matter," You told him. It was Tonks' announcement, not yours.
"Babe, pleasee," he whined, but you stood your ground and elbowed him in his abs.
George yelped behind you, drawing in attention. The adults turned around to look but he composed himself immediately, placing on a carefree smile and wrapping an arm around your shoulders, brushing them all off with the actions.
You missed half the conversation about the Trace the Ministry had on every underage witch and wizard. You thankfully didn't have the Trace for several months now but you did pity Harry in that aspect. The Trace was not an easy pill to swallow for an underage wizard like himself.
"The real one...?"
Moody drew a flask from one of his pockets.
"I believe you're familiar with this particular brew."
"No! Absolutely not!"
Hermione sighed, "I told you he'd take it well."
Harry, the always humble boy shook his head. You didn't see his face because you stood in the back, but you could imagine it very well. "If you think I'm going to let people risk their lives for me-"
"Never done that before, have we?" Ron mumbled, rather audibly so that everyone heard him.
"This is different. Taking that. Becoming me - no."
"Well, none of us really fancy it, mate." Fred said earnestly.
"Yeah imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as scrawny, specky gits forever." Your boyfriend added after him.
Harry didn't smile at that.
But you did - and that was enough for the Weasley twins.
You focused on the conversation that went on, cringing with George when Mundungus started to speak.
Suddenly, Hermione mercilessly grabbed a tuft of Harry's jet-black hair, yanking several pieces out and placing the strands into the flask.
"Blimey Hermione!"
Moody held out the flask in which the potion was connecting itself to the strands of hair. The mud like liquid gave an awfully displeasing imitation of brewing, but it turned to gold liquid soon and you let out a breath of relief.
But relief was soon replaced with dread as you realized what awaited you. Instinctively, you stepped back only to crash into George who had stepped behind you, knowing what you would do. Your boyfriend placed his hands on your shoulders and walked you to stand in line with the rest of soon-to-be-fake-Harry-Potters. "You aren't going anywhere luv."
George slapped your shoulders for effect.
"For those of you who haven't taken Polyjuice Potion before, fair warning. It tastes like goblin piss."
You visibly shuddered as you stood between the twins, Moody's fake eye catching you in a locked gaze.
"Have a lot of experience with that, do you, Mad-Eye?"
Moody's eye switches from you onto Fred. "Just trying to defuse the tension."
Fred gingerly took a sip, cringing in distaste immediately after.
He tried to hand the flask over to you, but you shook your head and dashed over to stand after George, not before him.
Why didn't he start from the other end of the line?
You were fine with standing next to Mungundus - the petty criminal, just not with taking a sip of that potion.
"My girlfriend's just scared," George smiled apologetically, still trying to defuse the tension just like his brother.
Both twins shrinked immediately after drinking it, and you swallowed the remains of your saliva and took the flask from your now very short boyfriend. "Cheers." You muttered, taking a small sip from the flask.
"That's not nearly enough! Blimey drink some more!" Mad-Eye barked at you and you did as he said, taking a much bigger sip this time round.
He finally nodded and stepped aside.
You felt your features bubble up uncomfortably, until the transformation ended, and 8 Harry Potters stood in the kitchen that had once belonged to Harry's evil muggle caretakers.
"Wow - we're identical!" Fred and George said at the same.
"Not yet you aren't," Moody mumbled, pulling out the sacks with eight identical sets of clothes.
You, Fleur and Hermione grabbed for the clothes immediately, your bras suddenly feeling everything but comfortable against your now flat chest.
"Don't have something a bit more sporty, do you?'" George asked, looking at the red shirt puzzled.
"Yes, don't fancy this color at all." Fred agreed.
"Fancy this: You're not you, so shut it and strip." Mad-eye exclaimed, turning to Harry. "You'll need to change too, Potter."
Harry looks around and self-consciously begins to strip. The other in takers of the potion had no concern when they stripped off their clothes. As for you, when you glanced underneath the shirt and indeed saw that your breasts were no longer there, you had no problem when taking off your shirt and bra. Any ounce of self-consciousness that was there disappeared once coming to terms that the body wasn't yours.
"Harry," you started, your voice the only thing left that was your own save for the clothes you were currently taking off. "Sorry for exposing you like this. But if it makes you feel any better...you have a nice body?"
You didn't really know to which Harry you were talking to, but one look at the Harry who didn't smile, the one that looked rather angry was enough to know he wasn't the real Harry. It was George. "I mean...that's kind of a compliment to you too... Right Fred?"
"It's a compliment," A different Harry but with Fred's voice said. "Take it or leave it George."
"Help me with this?" You decided to say instead, your cheeks flushing red as you turned around to give George space to unclip your bra.
"Never thought, I'd see the day Harry helps himself take off a bra," Ron mumbled with a laugh, having just finished commenting about his best friend's non existing tattoo.
"Shut it, Ron." Harry's voice came from somewhere amongst the crowd. Real Harry's voice.
George then helped you put on your red shirt in a haste, just now starting to smile. "I'm helping Harry Potter with his clothes the same way I would help my girlfriend."
"But it is me you dimwit!"
"Right then," Moody started to talk again, just after George helped you with your jacket. "We'll be pairing off. Each Potter will have a protector. As for you, Harry..."
"Yes?" Every Potter, real and fake, said in unison.
"The real Harry! Where the devil are you, anyway?"
"Here." The real Harry raised his hand and Moody's eyes rotated onto him.
"You'll ride with Hagrid." He said, "As for [Y/FN or Y/MN]'s kid... Where in the bloody hell are you even?"
Hearing those words, you raised a shaky hand. "I'm here sir."
"Good," Mad-Eye took note. "You'll be going with Ren on one of the thestrals."
"R-ren?"
The dark figure you and George so desperately tried to avoid stepped into the room right at that moment. "Yes, Ren. He's one of our best Aurors. Good and loyal - exactly the ones that are the hardest to find."
"O-kay," You said uneasily and turned around to face George. As weird as it sounded, fake Harrys holding comforting hands weren't a weird sight if you imagined hard enough to see George and Y/N.
That's what you did at that moment at least.
Held Harry's hand and tried to imagine George.
"Let's go."
***
"I'll see you at the Burrow, okay?" You told George, voice laced with worry.
"I would kiss you right now if you didn't look like Harry," He said.
You nodded in understanding, "Me too George. Me too."
The two of you went to your respective protectors - George with Remus and you with Ren.
You ignored the man when you came up to him and only gave him a look when he was supposed to help you up on the calm horse like creature.
"Hang on tight," was the last thing he said before the thestral flew the moment Moody finished counting.
You did hold him, only not as closely like on the broom with George.
***
"Confringo!" You yelled, holding out your wand in the direction of the Death Eaters. A bright blast flew out of your wand, hitting one of Voldemort's followers and sending him off his broom to be eaten away by the wind.
They were catching up to you, not bothered by the aggressive sways of the wind. Whether the thestral was acting out in fear or in rage - you wouldn't know.
"We're almost there!"
True to his words, the two of you broke through the protective spells of the headquarters, landing somewhere on the land, away from the Burrow.
You heaped off the thestral immediately. "Do you really plan on walking all the way back?"
You didn't know what to tell Ren as you continued to walk on unsteady legs. Your brain was mushed, fried even due to the number of curses you evaded and had been struck with.
"I-I..." You started, but words weren't coming out. "We're the last ones to arrive. I'm sure of it!"
"What difference does that make?"
"What difference..." You repeated, not believing what he was saying. "They maybe think we're dead! George might-"
George might think I'm dead.
It crushed your whole being. The lingering thought that they might not be okay...
"Come back," Ren interjected, slashing through your mind with his words. "We'll be faster on the thestral."
As much as you didn't want him to be right...he was. And so you turned back around and grabbed his hand, sitting back on the thestral - cold and scared for everyone's lives.
Especially George's.
***
"Oi! Let her go! Let her go!"
Remus Lupin ignored everyone as he pointed the tip of his wand to you, sending your still very Harry looking body hurling to the ground.
In the end it was Fred, George's older twin, who had marched out of the house and pushed Remus away. Fred looked like himself again, making it all ten times scarier. You had tears in your eyes as he pointed his wand at you and never felt so threatened in your life. "What was the place where you first met George and me?!"
His screaming had you struggling for words. "Answer me!"
"Filch's office you bloody dung brain!" You screamed back, feeling your face return back to normal.
Fred's face softened instantly as he came down to help you up. He hugged you the moment you were back standing. "Fred, what's going on?"
"It's George."
***
"Where is he?" You barged into the cramped house, looking around the whole place frantically. You followed Fred into the sitting room, where Molly had tended to her injured son when he was first brought in.
George lied on the couch, his bleeding had stopped thanks to his mother, but under the light you saw a clean hole where George's ear had been.
You dropped to your knees by his side immediately.
You could practically see the struggle he had with opening his eyes which he never had trouble with before, especially not when he was trying to look at you.
"How is he?"
Fred answered glancing at the bandages, "It could have been much worse. We can't make the ear grow back since it was removed by dark magic."
You shook your head, wiping your tears with the sides of your index fingers before brushing George's hair out of the way. "He wouldn't want you to."
"Yeah," Fred agreed. "He's a tough nut."
You voiced your agreement with your laugh, "Yeah, he is."
The two of you admired George in silence for a few moments. The room has been cleared, leaving only the three of you there. "I'm sorry for jumping on you like that."
It wasn't common for Fred to be so serious, and because you didn't even want to think about your arrival, you gave him a small smile, "It's okay Fred. I would have done the same."
"I know."
"What did he say?" You asked quietly, "Before he passed out."
"That he was holy."
"Holy?"
"Yep," Fred said, the teasing tone to his voice returning as he pointed to his ear for demonstration. "Holy. You get it?"
"Thank God! He's alright!"
MASTERLIST
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