#reminds me of the time I got overwhelmed because 'there are many clouds!' and I didn't know what to do

[tearsofastraeax]

a/n: we're back again with a new part and honestly you guys aren't ready for what i still have in store. but i love a good slow burn, so you still have to suffer a bit <3

cw: once again, this shit angsty

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5

the first thing you noticed as your consciousness clawed its way back to reality was the complete emptiness of the room. the cold ebbing in and covering you in the stark reminder of your loneliness. 

ever so slowly you took stock of the aftermath of last night. your eyes felt puffy. your throat dry and scratchy. your limbs weak. and for the cherry on top, a nauseating headache was threatening to split your head apart. 

begrudgingly you opened your eyes to another bleak, grey sky. 

the events of last night didn’t even feel real. your body felt so numb to it all. the only constant reminder was the heavy feeling in your stomach, the one that showed up three weeks ago and only got heavier after you saw him with her. 

your self-pity was quickly interrupted by the painfully shrill ringing of your phone. carefully you grabbed it from your nightstand. but when you saw the name flashing on it you could have emptied your stomach right then and there. 

simon. 

fuck him and fuck that. 

you certainly weren’t in the mood or mind to entertain him. nor did you really care for his excuses and explanations. so, after you hung up on him you scrolled through your messages. 

it started at 5am sharp. 

‘luv, please let me explain’ 

‘i’m so sorry, it’s not what you think’ 

‘please get back to me, i just need to explain’ 

the last one just read: ‘please’

a deep sigh escaped your lips before you clicked on ‘block caller’. a cruel kind of satisfaction spread through you at that. 

even if you’d rather spend the whole day lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself, you didn’t want to be that person anymore. you didn’t just want things to happen to you anymore. it was time to take your life into your own hands and stay far away from men. 

or at least that's what you thought. because you had barely finished your morning routine, stretching it out for good measure, pampering yourself to feel a shred of control again, when you heard a knock on the door. 

you looked in the mirror one more time, your pep talk for the day trailing off into a pathetically weak smile. 

when you opened the door the first thing you noticed was the overwhelming assault on your senses. too many bright colours and an intense smell at the forefront of it all. 

you readied yourself to dish out a bunch of curse words for the flowery invasion at 8 in the god damn morning but swallowed back the remarks when the sheepish smile of the delivery driver peaked out behind the too big bouquet. 

“hi, i have a delivery for miss …”, he trailed off, frantically looking around for a card to ease the awkwardness. 

deciding to not let your sour mood cloud the day of innocent people, you reached out a helping hand. snatching the small card out in between the flowers. your chest burned just looking at it. 

“it’s fine. can you just throw those away?” 

your voice was a mangled little thing. but the violence with which you closed the door in the poor guy's face felt like a shock to your system. 

you felt as if a million little needles stabbed your too tender skin, over and over again, every time that you heard from him. 

why couldn't he just leave you alone? why did he have to torture you like this? 

a gut-wrenching sob wrecked your body, your legs slowly giving up. you slid down along the cold surface of the door, landing in a pile of bitterness and heartbreak on the floor. how much lower would you be pushed? 

would it ever end? 

with shaking fingers and a blurred vision, you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. it barely took a minute before you had unblocked simon and send off a much too reasonable text considering the circumstances. 

'fuck off, simon. leave me alone.' 

you immediately blocked him again, and for good measure, let the tears take over. 

grief washed over you and draped you in an all too familiar blanket. wrapping you in its cold embrace. making your lips tremble and your sobs violently shake your entire body. 

hours could have passed by for all you knew. the emptiness never left. it only grew heavier in your stomach, making a home for itself there. clawing and digging in till you were sure it would leave irreversible damage. 

the soft sound of an incoming message made you tense up. your eyes immediately searching for your phone. 

the betrayal was immense, the wish for it to be him so deep rooted and pathetic, you felt bile rise in your throat. 

instead, you saw a message from john price. 

'morning, darling. just wanted to check on you - anything you need, i’m here'

instead of throwing your phone at the wall in a fit of rage you did the only sensible thing you could in that moment, you turned it off. 

maybe one day a shred of peace would find you. 

taglist: @rafaelacallinybbay @fruitymoonbeams-blog @jdeclerc @valuyhh @galactict3a @etotruski

[stonedtaemin]

she’s my five foot hurricane / my only ounce of pain

❕ period sex, blood, dirty talk, fingering, caleb is a freak, mc is on her period and annoyed | ao3 | wc 4.6k

caleb learns that orgasms help menstrual cramps

every month caleb did the honor of keeping track of her cycle. it was one of the many things she loved about her boyfriend. he was so thoughtful and caring, always checking in and offering to buy her anything she needed.

this month was no different. he had reminded her earlier that morning that she should wear a panty liner in case she started to spot. hell, he was starting to become an at home gynecologist at this point. it was adorable.

she rolled her eyes, but listened to him in the end. he always had great timing when it came to her period so she trusted his words.

this was the worst time of the month because her birth control usually helped relieve the visit. sometimes she would even have it for one day or so with minor spotting. the implant made it super irregular. still, caleb tried his best to keep up.

a few days later, her period is in full throttle. the flow had began to peak at its heaviest and the cramps were unusually hard to grit her teeth through. not even medicine or the heat pad could cure the inevitable pain she endured. she would have to just tough it out.

she woke up with cold sweats, groaning in discomfort. her arm gripped onto her lower abdomen, trying to contain the pangs in her stomach. it was no use.

it was so early in the morning that she swore it couldn’t be any later than 3 a.m. caleb woke next to her, rubbing his eyes.

“mmph… baby.” he groaned out of sleep, arm tightening around his lovers waist.

she grunted out in pain, grabbing onto his wrist with ferocious force.

“hey, woah. you okay?” he sat up quickly once he woke up more. he could tell she was super sore, her brows knitted together with sweat beading at the top of her forehead.

the windows to his room were illuminated by the moon reflecting on the sea of clouds outside. the only light source was dim but it was enough for him to see her face contorted in agony. his hand reached up to pat her hair and then put his fingers to her forehead. no fever, thank god.

“whats wrong, baby?” he asked, concern overwhelming in his tone.

she reached over to grab her water cup and gulped from it, water spilling down her chin in the process. caleb wiped with the blanket.

“my period is killing me. like hell.” she whined. she sat up once putting the water back onto the nightstand. the back of her head met with the headboard, facing the ceiling with a silent prayer. her eyes closed and she breathed deeply.

it wasn’t like she hadn’t experienced menstrual pain like this before, she just hated it every time. especially when she was trying to sleep.

caleb held her face in his hands, thumbs rubbing circles on her lower jawline. he pressed a bunch of kisses around her face, then slowly pulled back to stare at her softly.

“what can i do for you?” he asked sweetly. he was at her service.

she gave him a small smile that said “thank you”. she puckered her lips in an exaggerated manner, caleb chuckling in response. he leaned forward and pressed his lips onto hers firmly, a big smooch resounding in their bedroom. he pulled away with a big smile plastered on his face, petting her hair.

“kisses are unlimited. anything else?”

“any gravity evol you got up your sleeve to make my cramps stop?” she teased.

caleb pouted a bit, pinching her cheek.

“i wish, pip. i can give you a massage if you’d like? get you that heating pad too?”

she rolled her eyes in defeat, wishing caleb could take her pain away with the snap of his fingers. his kisses were good but this pain was on another level. it was hard not to become a bitch right now, her emotions going haywire and whatnot.

he got up anyways, not waiting for her response. when he returned from the hallway, he had a new glass of water with ice in it and medicine. he sat down next to her on her side of the bed. he handed her the items, patiently watching her down the pills. he handed her the heating pad but she stuck her hand up.

“i don’t want it. i’m already feeling hot.” she sighed.

he nodded, placing it back onto the nightstand.

“could always start stripping.” he smirked.

caleb could have sworn he saw a moment of consideration in his girlfriend's eyes, but she quickly resolved and punched him on the shoulder.

"i'm already in a tank top and underwear. i'm not getting naked, especially now that you've brought it up." she stuck her tongue out like a child, crossing her arms.

another sharp pang. she moaned in pain again, eyebrows furrowing. caleb reached out to her stomach, hand rubbing softly.

"you know, i was researching last night..." he started slowly, as if he were walking on thin ice (he was, mind you).

she peered up through her thick eyelashes, eyes narrowing as if to say "don't piss me off". he was probably going to anyways, the sorry state she was in.

"uh-huh. researching." she was clearly not mused. but she would let him get his piece out.

"yeah. read an article about how to relieve period pains. saw some pretty good ones on there." he tried to come off as nonchalant while at the same time staying mischievous. he knew what he was doing.

"okay… so what's your genius plan, caleb?" she asked, resting her head back onto the headboard. she placed a pillow behind her back to support her upright position.

he massaged down to her abdomen, fingers lifting up at her hem. they went under, working deep into her skin. her mouth parted softly to let a gentle rush of air out, trying not to moan. he knew exactly how to massage her. he was perfect and it was so annoying. the perfect boyfriend.

"they say if you orgasm you can relieve the strain on the uterus. something about releasing endorphins or whatever, y'know?" his voice was low and lacquered like honey. his eyes stared deep into hers, head lowering to lay a kiss onto her stomach.

she hooked her fingers into his hair and gripped hard. he grunted in pleasure.

"where the hell did you read this?" she asked with heat rising on her cheeks.

"some doctors blog. don't believe me? i can show you. the website, i mean." he was such a god damn tease. that shit eating grin on his face was enough to make her stomach flip.

"i— shit, caleb, i believe you." she gasped as he pulled up her tank top more, exposing her nipples to the cold air. his fingers lightly pinched them, rubbing them gently.

"it's up to you, though. i just want to help my sweet baby." he whispered, hands still working at her breasts.

"i don't know... i mean. won't it be messy?" she bit her lip anxiously.

"for sure."

"it's going to be gross. you're not going to like it, caleb." she protested.

there was simply no way caleb wanted to get blood on his hands and an even smaller chance he would want that anywhere near his dick. it was just a bad idea. he would never see her the same. although it sounded so incredibly fucking hot to her, she was nervous. self conscious, even. it was a rare feeling that she felt, especially around him. he always made her feel confident and on top of the world. this was so different and odd that she couldn't exactly gage out this might turn out. what if he ended up not being able to get turned on? what if he decided in the middle of it that he wasn’t into it?

she was racing through so many thoughts and caleb could see it plain as day on her face. in her eyes. he grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers. his mouth pressed firmly onto her knuckles.

"baby, i would never judge you. you know this." he reassured her.

she bit her lip hard, the taste of blood drawing.

"i want to try it." she whispered so low that caleb almost didn't catch it. his heart skipped a beat in excitement.

"but if you don't like it we can always stop." he nodded, eyes serious.

she nodded back in confirmation, gulp visible. in reality, she had known about this fact for a while. a few of her friends had talked about period sex and the benefits that came with it. some even joked about how it was like a power thing, binding their boyfriends to them forever. caleb was already bound to her so that wasn’t something she was worried about. she would have never asked him to try something like this with her, because despite his deep knowledge and appreciation for her womanhood, he was still a guy. still a man. blood probably didn't sound appetizing. this and the fact that it was period blood, which could smell awful.

she tried not to bury herself too deeply into her thinking traps. she had to trust that caleb wanted to do this. otherwise, why would he have brought it up?

a second later and caleb has his lips all over her neck, sucking and gently biting. her stomach kept twisting with pain and arousal, soft moans slipping out of her parted lips. his kisses sounded wet and needy against her skin. he would be the death of her.

"so beautiful. every part of you." he praised her as he lifted off her tank top, throwing it onto the foot of the bed.

his hands went down to the sides of her waist, tugging at her underwear to come off. she lifted her hips in response, allowing him to fully pull them off. his hand brought up the underwear to his face, inhaling deeply, moan rippling through his throat like an animal. her face flushed instantly, embarrassment washing over her. he opened his eyes into small slits, eyes heavy with lust.

"caleb!" she gasped.

she tried to reach forward and yank her underwear out of his hand, but he pulled it away, smirk on his stupid face growing.

"uh-uh. this one's going in the collection." he chuckled, leaning over and stuffing it into the mattress.

she rolled her eyes in defeat. she already knew he was keeping some of her used underwear but to keep one with blood spots on it... this was a new level of obsession. yet it made her so incredibly wet.

"whatever..." she muttered.

caleb wiggled his eyebrows in playful response, leaning back up to take his shirt off. there in his naked, six-pack glory he sat. she could have sworn she was drooling.

her knees were pushed together, blocking off her entrance. she still had a tampon in but it had been time to change it. the string began to get blood on it and it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. caleb's hand pushed her legs apart, revealing her more.

"i-i still haven't... taken out the old tampon." her words tripped over each other.

she moved to get up to remove it in the bathroom but caleb's evol overrided her. she was stuck in place. it made her gasp from the sudden grip.

"let me help you baby..." his voice sounded almost broken. he barely was audible, eyes fixed on her. he was so far gone into his arousal that it didn't matter.

he wanted to do this.

she nodded, feeling his evol dissipate.

his fingers went to her entrance. as he found the string, he gently tugged. his eyes flickered up to her, asking for permission. again, she nodded.

he pulled it out in one swift motion, revealing the soaked product. it was a deep crimson red.

she whimpered, embarrassment becoming too much to handle. the arousal didn't help. it was like everything felt so wrong and right at the same time. he tossed it into the bin across the room, evol helping it land in the right spot. he'll take it out later.

he felt her tremble under his touch and he caressed her inner thighs.

"it's okay, pip-squeak. hey, look at me. you're so fucking gorgeous. i love you. i love you." he repeated himself adamantly. like it was a mantra for him.

"i love you too..." her eyes shined at him, moonlight glimmering inside of them.

she was glowing and he was so far gone for her.

jesus.

he got up to stand at the edge of the bed to pull down his boxers. he did it so quick his erection slapped against his abdomen, sweltering hot with his arousal. he was unbelievably hard.

as he got back onto the bed he positioned himself between her legs again. his hand brushed her abdomen, then trailed down to her wetness. his fingertips prodded into her lips, her hips bucking at the intrusion.

"wanna feel my fingers, baby? hm?" he cooed at her. he sounded so proud of himself. like he knew how crazy he was driving her.

"y-yes, please caleb... need your fingers. please touch me." she begged, her eyebrows bowing.

he fully inserted his fingers inside of her, pumping them in and out with just two. then three.

her vision filled with stars as his fingers caressed her insides, biting her lip hard. the sounds were disgusting and filled with squelching. the blood made it sound thicker than usual.

he moaned so loudly it almost drowned hers out.

"fuck baby... so wet." he growled.

his thumb circled her clit, earning a loud yelp from her. each swipe made her lean more into his touch. she was so transfixed onto the feeling of his fingers inside her, rubbing against her walls. they were so long and thick. he was so fucking hot.

"shit, baby, yes, yes, yes, please!" she cried out, her hips circling up to meet his rhythm.

his fingers worked inside of her so precisely and deeply that she forgot about her cramps. all she could feel was him.

caleb watched his fingers go in and out, veins popping out on his wrist with each curl of his fingers. a bit of blood was already beginning to leak out. it was sinful.

"look at me, beautiful." he whispered.

she opened her eyes from her bliss, eyelids heavy. she watched him as he was propped up between her legs, arm working hard as he moved his fingers in and out of her. she lifted her right leg and propped it over his shoulder to feel him even deeper. her hips rose with the new sensation, his digits scissoring into her.

"fuck, i think i'm g-gonna cum, caleb. wanna cum so bad, please!"

he kissed the inner thigh that was resting on his shoulder, teeth sinking down into her plush skin. she screamed out as his fingers drew her orgasm closer.

"cum, sweet girl. let me hear you." he beckoned her.

"a-ah, yes, caleb, just— like— that... fuck, it's so good i-i can't..." she whimpered as his thumb swirled her bundle.

"let go baby. cum for me like a good girl. i know you can." he rasped out, breathing heavy.

and so she did. it was like everything in her had been lit on fire and melted. her orgasm felt particularly heightened, it dragged on for what seemed like forever.

"oh..." she sang out for a few long seconds, riding his hand.

"good fucking girl. listen to me so well."

he let her soak in her bliss, thumb still swirling on her. he watched the way her eyebrows bowed inwards with inexplicable pleasure. he swallowed hard, not knowing how much longer he could keep himself from just pushing his cock deep inside of her. he wanted to coat himself in her slick and womanhood. he was dying for it.

"wanna make you cum again, baby. think you can do that for me?" he hummed along her wrist as he kissed it.

her face was sweltering and chest rising and falling from her orgasm.

"yes, please. i need you, caleb." her voice was laced with the utmost desperation. he laughed in response.

"such a good little slut for me. yeah? let me hear you."

"yes!" she exclaimed as he pulled out his fingers.

she was in too much pleasure to care that his fingers were absolutely soaking in her menstrual. he moaned so low she almost didn't catch it. her eyes watched him as he took his covered fingers and starting smearing it on his dick, stroking languidly. she rolled her eyes back in pure elation to the gesture. he was so dirty it was going to kill her one day.

"so fucking hard for you right now. holy shit..." he growled.

his hand rose off of his cock to grip her chin, hand cupping her.

"spit." he commanded.

she watched him as she dribbled out saliva onto his hand, trail of spit following as he took the same hand and continued to touch himself with it.

"fuck, caleb. i need you, now." her demand sounded breathy.

"want you too, princess." he moaned softly, body stuttering at how well his dick was feeling.

her hands reached out to him, hands petting over his muscles. he was so fit and she loved every second of it. his abs were covered in sweat already, hair tousled from her earlier pulling. he already looked so absolutely fucked.

she watched in silence as he touched himself to the sight of her. her tits looked so good, gravity taking hold of them as they fell off to each side of her chest. her nipples were swollen with her lust, her crotch red from his earlier fingering. he could drink her.

he couldn't touch himself anymore, he had to have her.

"turn around on your stomach for me, baby." he grabbed a pillow from his side of the bed. she complied, flipping over. he stuffed the pillow under her abdomen to add support. her ass was propped up with this, her pussy folds raw and ready for the taking. he moaned at the sight, wanting nothing more than to stuff himself inside of her as soon as possible.

"gonna fuck you like this, okay?" he leaned forward, chest pressing against her back. his hands ran down her shoulders, caressing her arms.

his erection rutted up on her, eliciting a groan out of both of them.

"caleb, please... just fuck me already." she was so tired of waiting.

he let out a breathy laugh, kissing her neck. he complied.

his tip slowly inched itself inside of her, cock getting sucked in past her entrance like lightening. she clenched around him when he was all the way seated inside of her. he let out a long and shaky breath, chest pressed against her back still. his hips began to roll, cock pushing in and out of her with caution.

"wanna fuck you nice and slow." his words were slightly muffled by her hair, nose tickling her neck.

"mhm. caleb, feels so good. you're so— so big. holy shit. i can't—" she grunted under the immense feeling of pleasure coursing through her veins.

"you can, baby. done it before." he smiled against her.

his thrusts were lazy and sloppy, dick feeling every iota of her insides. he loved having her close to him as he made her feel good. loved seeing and feeling her get absolutely strung out under him. he kissed onto her shoulder, tongue sucking and leaving bruises across her skin. his hands reached to grip her hair and tug on it a bit as he looked down to see his dick pumping in and out of her. he could see blood slowly spilling out between their connection, a long moan coming out of his chest. it was so hot, he couldn't believe it was happening.

"god, you're so sexy. look at you. fuck." he gritted his teeth, knitting his eyebrows together.

his hips clapped against her ass with each motion, her moans coming out in rhythm with it. she was softly rising her hips up to meet his, toes curling.

"o-oh fuck. yes baby, right there. please, caleb, don't stop, don't stop, do-oh!" her words started to get caught by the pillow in front of her, hands gripping onto the sheets hard.

"pussy feels so nice and— shit, baby— warm for me. like i'm supposed to be inside you right now. you're fucking made for me."

she hummed as he praised her, each word sending shockwaves through her body. she could get off on his adoration alone.

he felt so incredible that he almost couldn’t believe it. her blood made it so cozy for him to be inside of her. he wanted to stay like this forever.

“taking my cock so well, shit, baby. pretty little thing.” his raspy voice etched into her mind as he fucked her as deep as he could.

her moans gradually grew louder with each time his hips met her ass, face buried in the pillow. she loved it when she didn’t have to do anything but just take him. his own little pillow princess.

his hand reached up to her mouth, fingers shoving inside her mouth. she sucked hard as he pounded into her, each moan vibrating against his skin. she couldn’t last too much longer.

“mmhm… fuck. so good… i love it…” she cried softly onto his hand.

his fingers pulled out, hand going to grip and squeeze her ass. she was so flush against him. he wish he could just crawl inside her.

“tell me how much you love this cock.” he growled, teeth nipping at her earlobe.

“lo—ove your cock so much, caleb. i can’t ge-et enough— shit!”

“love it when i fuck your bloody cunt, hm, princess?” he cooed into her ear.

she couldn’t even respond to such a thing. she had never heard such vile words slip out of his mouth. he had been known to say the most obscene things while they fucked but this? her cheeks were so hot she thought she might melt.

“tell me.” he demanded, evol snapping her head up a bit. enough for her to feel like she was getting choked.

“yes!”

“good girl.” he let go of his evol around her, laying onto her back once more.

his chest slid up and down with sweat against her skin, cock picking up the pace. she could feel the blood trickling down her thighs now. his fingers snaked down to rub her clit for her again, the sensation jarring. she screamed out so loud she thought she might wake all of skyhaven up.

he let out a snarky laugh but it was cut short by his own whimpering as she began to circle her hips. he was enjoying this far too much.

"g-gonna cum, ah! can i cum, please, caleb?" her words had never sounded so desperate.

"yes, baby. you can cum." he stroked her hair gently.

she let a long whine ring out as she let another orgasm take her, the sensation instantly relieving her again of any of her troubles. it really was like a medicine. one she could get addicted to.

"oh my god. so good, it feels so good." she cried out.

caleb's pace started to pick up, his own orgasm catching up with him. his fingers retracted from her bundle, overstimulation getting to be too much.

"i know— shit— baby, gonna cum too. let me cum inside of you."

she nodded her head feverishly.

“please, please, please!” was all she could muster up.

his hand reached out to hers, fingers intertwining tightly. she squeezed his hand, as if to tell him to do it. with a few more thrusts he let go, seed spilling deep into her. she could feel his cock twitch inside her as he came. his breaths were deep and heavy against her chest. it was so sweaty and slippery between their skin.

“shit… c-cumming so hard.” his voice dragged out each syllable.

he didn’t stop thrusting, wanting to keep feeling himself go deeper. he had to milk himself entirely. had to become a part of her being. the tip of his cock felt so incredibly sensitive against her walls, he thought he might die right there.

"i love you so much." he murmured on her lips as she turned to kiss him.

they pulled apart just barely, lips still hovering.

"love you so much, caleb." she whispered, fingers hooking onto his chin to pull him into another kiss.

the room began to smell of sex and blood. it was gross but so good at the same time. it made him cum harder than ever. he loved the thought of her blood marking him, tying him to her in ways that were beyond words. it was cosmic. he felt cosmic.

his chest still stayed slack against her back, breath heavy. they stayed like this for a while, cock still sitting inside of her. it still twitched from his orgasm, still suspiciously hard.

she grunted.

"caleb. get off of me." she needed to get off of her stomach. she tried to lift up but to no avail.

"mhmph. no. wanna be your tampon for you."

her eyes shot open wide, head snapping at him.

"you did not just say that. caleb!" her voice was stern with disbelief.

he smiled tiredly, eyes glossy.

"so serious." he muttered.

"you're actually crazy, you know that?" her cheeks were red with pure embarrassment. he would always say the dumbest things.

"aw. you're so cute when your being shy." his smirk was so annoying.

"can we please take a shower now? i'm tired of being sweaty." she completely avoided any idea of entertaining his weirdness.

he hummed, slowly pulling out. the emptiness hit her like a ton of bricks, a small groan coming out of her lips. he kissed her shoulder one more time before helping her sit up. when she finally looked down at their mess she gasped, hand slapping over her mouth.

"oh my god. we should have gotten a towel or something. fuck." the laundry was going to be awful. how would she ever get this stain out? not to mention just how crazy his cock looked right now. she would be lying if she said she didn't find it hot, though. seeing himself coated with her.

her, her, her.

he chuckled, playing with a piece of her hair. he winked at her, noticing her staring at his crotch.

"sheets are replaceable. how are your cramps, pip-squeak?" his voice changed to a more serious tone, genuine care. that was the point of this, after all.

she tucked her hair behind her ears, nodding her head.

"they're a lot better than before." she said sheepishly. it was like admitting defeat for some reason.

maybe it was because he was so annoying.

"so we should always fuck when you're on your cycle, right?"

she reached to pinch him hard, a loud "ouch" coming from him.

"wow, on my good arm?" he joked.

she had had it up to here with him.

"shower. now."

he threw his hands up in defeat.

“don’t have to tell me twice, baby.”

"if you stay quiet i'll maybe let you fuck me again in the shower."

he barked out a laugh. he was such a good looking fuck. again, annoying.

"you just wanna come again. what will we ever do with you, hm, pip-squeak?"

he wasn't wrong.

[zablife]

Cursed Land

Bonnie x pregnant wife reader

Summary:  Set during Season 4 Bonnie and his pregnant wife have come to Birmingham with the rest of the Gold family to help Thomas Shelby fight the Italians.  His wife has visions cautioning him about staying in Birmingham for too long, but what happens when Bonnie ignores these warnings and gets caught up in the lifestyle promised by the Shelbys? 

Author’s Note: This was my very first fanfic!! It was accidentally deleted awhile ago, but I've recently found it and posted again for a few dedicated fangirls!

Warnings: injury, pregnancy loss

Sunlight streamed through the small window of the vardo, catching upon the highlights of your hair.  Bonnie stroked your silky tendrils lightly as you slept like the precious thing you were to him.  His little dove who he swore to protect from the time your mother died and your father abandoned you in camp years ago.  

In your heart you understood that Bonnie was gentle and kind with you because of his mother.  Although he hardly talked about her anymore, it was clear he got these qualities from her. You knew her well in your childhood, scampering to her in distress when your father was nowhere to be found. Mrs. Gold healed you on many occasions.

Bonnie’s hands reminded you of hers sometimes when he cradled you. But when he fights at the fair, you can hardly believe he’s the same man.  Some of the other lads call him savage, but you can't see it when he’s with you. He makes you feel so safe.

You woke slowly as his fingers massaged your scalp, then a flutter of movement from deep inside your belly captured your attention. Your baby was awake now too and you couldn’t help but smile as you opened your eyes to your adoring husband.  “Here” you said, placing Bonnie’s hand on the swell of your stomach.  His hands caressed you until your son moved again.

“He’s getting stronger,” Bonnie noted with the wonder of a soon-to-be father. Leaning in to place a soft kiss on Bonnie’s lips, he returned your affection passionately.  “I love ya, my dove” he said as he finally broke away.  

As always, Bonnie could read your every thought and noticed your concern.  “What’s wrong? Are ya worried about the birth? Or that you’re wrong about it being a boy?” he teased with an impish grin.

“No, I’m happy,” you chuckled softly. “And I am right it's a boy,” you added with a playful jab to his ribs.  Your smile faded slowly as you waited to ask him something you’d wondered since you left your last camp a week ago in the middle of the night, your every movement shrouded in secrecy.  

Hesitating to tell him the truth, you explained, “I don’t understand why we came here, Bon. I have a bad feeling about this place.” Lacing your hand in his larger one you confided, “Last night I had a bad dream. I saw mum holding our son, but she was taking him away from me. I screamed for her, but she wouldn’t look at me.” Your voice dropped to a whisper as you recounted the rest of the harrowing vision.  “She just kept walking until they disappeared in the fog.” It was then you realized you were rubbing your abdomen in slow, soothing circles like a spell of protection over your unborn child.

Bonnie looked at you with worry clouding his eyes. “You mustn’t say such things. Not now, love.”

“You’re upsetting me, Bon.  You used to listen when I told you about my visions. Don’t you care how I feel?” you asked, overwhelmed by his defensive reaction. 

“I’m sorry, dove,” he rushed to apologize. “But my father says there’s work here that will help the family and I don’t really have a choice in it. Do you understand?” he asked searching your eyes. 

Nodding slowly in agreement you assured him, “I know you’ll do what’s best for us, but please be careful whatever’s happening. You know I don’t say these things to hurt you.”

“I know. I love that you take care of me. Now let me do the same for you,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek to yours. “Tell me what I can do,” he urged.

“Breakfast maybe?” you asked, stomach growling as if on cue. “The baby and me are starvin’,” you explained, rubbing your nose against his.

Bonnie nearly leapt out of bed to attend to you and you giggled as he dropped a pan on his foot in his haste to attend to your every need.

————————-

After breakfast Aberama knocked at your door with a thundering force that made you shudder.  You opened it with a hand supporting your back, a cheerful greeting for you father-in-law.  “Good mornin’ ” you chirped, but you could see he wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries.  His face had turned to stone under the brim of his hat as  he waited impatiently for his son.  

With his father eager to start the day, Bonnie gave you a quick peck on the cheek and bounded down the steps.  “I’ll be back by dinner,” he promised, blowing you a kiss goodbye.

You stood in the doorway wondering what the urgency was about and why they were leaving with no explanation.  Then your stomach suddenly turned and you rushed down the steps of the vardo to retch in the bushes.  

————————————————————————————

Late that evening you sat by the bonfire shivering.  Esmerelda brought you one of her shawls and carefully draped it over your shoulders. As she stoked the fire, she noticed your exhaustion.  “Go lie down, Y/n.  I’m sure they’ll be home soon.”  

However, you couldn’t sleep, thoughts running wild as you tried to imagine just what Bonnie had been up to in town all day. He tells me everything so why didn’t he say where he was going? you wondered.  Nothing about this felt right to you.  

Then suddenly, you heard the sound of approaching horses and you knew Bonnie had returned. You remained by the fire waiting for Bonnie as a dutiful wife should. And like a good husband, he found you the minute he dismounted his horse, worried that you weren’t resting. He came up behind you and gave you a bear hug, rocking you gently.  “Y/n, you’re awake? I thought you'd have gone to bed long ago.”  

“No, Bonnie, I’m not so tired” you lied staring at the fire. You didn’t remind him of his promise to return by dinner, not wanting to fight in front of Aberama.  Bonnie put his arm under you and helped you up from where you sat, turning you towards home.  As you said your goodnights and shuffled to bed, you heard how exhausted Bonnie sounded in his grunts and groans. You felt sorry for him and decided not to scold him about the time. 

As you turned to look at him for the first time, you realized his shirt front was covered in blood and you let out a strangled gasp. “Bon, are you hurt? What happened?” Despite your violent shaking, you looked him over for any sign of injury, before he finally pulled you into a long, comforting embrace.  He stroked your hair and back as you gripped him tightly, a need for closeness overwhelming you. 

“Shhh, dove, it’s alright. I’m alright.  The blood isn’t mine.” 

You let out a long sigh of relief, finally collapsing into him as you quietly sobbed.  

“Dove, you need to lie down now.  Ya need sleep,” your husband gently urged. And you were so happy he wasn’t hurt that you listened, climbing into bed without argument.  Sleep overtook you both within moments, the mystery of the day forgotten until the early morning hours.

————————————

You heard yourself scream in your nightmare as the sharp cry of a rooster bled through to wake you just before daybreak.  You bolted upright in bed with the scene of your mum carrying a tiny swaddled infant still fresh in your mind.  

Bonnie woke soon after, sleep filled voice asking, “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” you replied feeling foolish.  “Go back to bed.”

Bonnie reached for you and pulled you in close to his chest.  You nestled into his warmth and listened to his steady heartbeat to soothe yourself.  You’d nearly fallen asleep again as Bonnie mumbled, “I shouldn’t tell ya this, you’ll worry…but I can’t keep secrets from you.”

“What is it?” you asked, raising your head from his chest to stare into his hazel eyes.

“Da and me, we’re working for the Peaky Blinders. That’s why we were gone yesterday," he confided on a low breath.

You sat up quickly to look at him, shock coursing through your veins. Did he say what you thought he said?  Your Bonnie was working for the notorious razor gang?  “Bonnie, I don’t understand. What are you doing with the Peaky Blinders?” You didn’t know much about the gang, but what you had heard at the fairs wasn’t pleasant.  

As the morning sun rose in the sky, Bonnie told you all about the deal Thomas Shelby, leader of the infamous gang, had made with his father.  They were to protect the Shelby family from Italians come from America to exact revenge on the Shelbys for the murder of a member of the Changretta family.  

You were no stranger to family quarrels, fights and bloodshed.  Your upbringing wasn’t sheltered, but this was something else altogether.  Bonnie had no quarrel with these foreigners.  The Shelbys weren’t blood relatives he was forced to defend and you weren’t sure he should be helping them for any amount of money either. 

When you raised your concerns Bonnie said, “We can’t leave now. It’s begun and these aren’t the kind of people we want as our enemies.”  You felt a new wave of sickness  pass over you when you heard him speak such ominous words.  You’d always felt free to go wherever and do whatever you pleased. 

You sat in silence for some time thinking over this new state of affairs and offering a few humble prayers. In the end, you spoke to your husband with unwavering support. “Bonnie, I know you don’t have a choice so I’ll stand by you.”

His posture visibly relaxed as he listened, unprepared for the ultimatum that came next. “But promise me we’ll leave when this is all over. I don’t like it here,” you admitted softly.

“I promise, dove,” he answered as he came to stand over you, stroking your back with the utmost care and lulling you into a calm you didn’t think possible.  

——————————————————————————————

Days went by without word from the Shelbys and you hoped the conflict might have ended. That is until the day Aberama came to your door again. As before, Bonnie left in a hurry and you knew things must be escalating.  

However, this time, Bonnie didn’t return with blood on his shirt. There was something far more sinister in his hands now, a cap with razor blades sewn into the brim.

“Bonnie, what in heaven is that?” you asked suspiciously.  

“Dove, I can’t make a living as a boxer the way we’ve been going.  I’ve finally found a way to get enough money for us.”

As you realized what he was saying, your eyes filled with horror.  You tried to reason with him, “Bonnie, no, not this way. You don’t have to join them.”

“I do, Y/n. It’s the only way I can become a professional boxer,” he stressed.

“Then don’t fight, Bonnie.  We can make a living another way.  You’re selling your soul to the devil himself!” you cried, clutching onto his arm.

Bonnie shook you off, pacing the floor as he ran his fingers through his thick, curly hair.  He was never annoyed with you, but suddenly his demeanor changed to something you’d never witnessed before. He spoke in frantic bursts about his dreams and you worried that Mr. Shelby had promised him something irresistible.  As he talked, you understood he was willing to give up his life on the road with you, his freedom, for a boxing career in Birmingham under the watchful eye of the Shelbys. 

Then he pulled a roll of money from his pocket and placed it in your hand.  “That’s just from one fight.  Two rounds today in a factory and I didn’t break a sweat.  We’re going to give our son a good life, Y/n. You can’t tell me you don’t want that.”  He stopped in front of you, searching your eyes once more with urgency. 

You took Bonnie’s face in your hands, hoping your touch would bring him back to his senses. “Bonnie, we don’t need the Shelby’s money to give our son a good life. A childhood like we…”

But Bonnie cut you off, pulling away from you with a jerk as he raised his voice to you for the first time ever, “It’s already done! We’re staying, Y/n!” He stormed out of the vardo, slamming the door as he left you in a heap on the bed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life went on in the same way day in and day out as Bonnie went to training and then on to his duties as a blinder.  He was rarely home anymore and you experienced a deep loneliness like you hadn’t felt since you were a child.  His sisters comforted you constantly, but when you were alone in your vardo, you sobbed uncontrollably for the loss of your sweet, loving husband.  Your worst fears about this place were coming true.  You only hoped that once Bonnie’s son was born he would find a way to be with you more.  

Camp was beginning to make you claustrophobic and the smoke from the factories in town were giving you terrible headaches.  You knew you had to get away. Although your stomach had become a bit bigger, you were still able to ride so you decided to take a gentle mare on a ride one autumn day. 

Unusually full of energy, you were curious to explore an area Bonnie had told you not to venture into without him.  Feeling bold and a little spiteful at his claim you couldn’t take care of yourself, you ventured further into the unknown territory.  As you rode, you filled your lungs with crisp air until you felt the peace of the forest wash over you.

Just as you began to relax, you caught sight of something in your peripheral vision.  As you turned your head to look, you swore you saw the figure of a dark haired man crouched low behind a tree.  You felt the blood rushing through your ears loudly and your palms sweating at the thought of someone watching you. Even though you were sure you were being paranoid, you gave a sharp nudge of your heels to spur the horse on, the mare increasing her speed as the first shots rang out.    

The horse reared up in shock from the loud noise and you found yourself going over the side and crashing to the ground.  Darkness surrounded you for what felt like ages before you felt yourself being lifted off the ground.  You clawed at the man raising you up, but as your vision adjusted, you stilled your movements realizing it was your cousin. 

“What are you doing out here, Y/n? I thought Bonnie warned you it wasn’t safe,” he scolded angrily, fear laced in every word.

“Where is he?” you asked, looking in all directions for the man you’d seen earlier. 

Your cousin hoisted your arm over his neck as he admitted, “I shot him.”

You gasped as he continued, “I followed you out here when I saw you leaving camp alone. That was dangerous, Y/n.”  

With his words replaying in your mind, you limped to his horse carefully on what was certainly a sprained ankle.  

“Please don’t tell Bonnie, he’ll only worry about me,” you pleaded and your cousin agreed to keep your secret.

But as you drew closer to camp, you grew more concerned for your son. Lower back searing with pain, you suddenly realized your child was no longer moving in your womb. Just as you arrived at camp, a sharp pain ripped through your core, causing you to scream out in pain. Esmerelda rushed to you as your legs buckled, holding your weight in her arms as you collapsed into her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bonnie and Aberama were making their way home to camp later that evening, a sense of dread surrounding them.  They had spent the day staking out a bridge waiting for the Italians.  And though they had made one kill, they inflicted no other casualties.  The war was going badly and they knew it.  Aberama worried for himself and his son, but calmed his tumultuous thoughts with the reassurance that they’d no reason to be concerned about retaliation if they were already underground.

That hope was dashed as they arrived at camp, Bonnie's vardo swarmed with relatives. He instinctively knew something wasn’t right as Esmerelda rushed down the steps and hugged him tightly.  She saw the concern in his eyes grow rapidly as she began explaining the day’s events. And although she tried to sound calm, her voice shook as she informed him, “There’s been an accident.  One of the Italians was watching our camp...”

Bonnie’s ears began to ring and his sister’s voice came to him in fragments as she continued to explain. “There was a gunshot...she fell off her horse...she went into labor…She’ll recover, but...” 

He already seemed to know the rest.  “Where’s my son?” he asked in a low voice. He was trying to control all the emotions he was feeling, but losing the battle swiftly.  

Esmerelda’s brow creased with concern as she delivered the devastating truth. “Bonnie, he was born too soon,” she said with a soft shake of her head. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she gathered him to her in a warm hug.

Bonnie crumbled to the ground, too overcome to enter the room where you were lying. A single lamp illuminated you like a beautiful angel, your son wrapped in a shroud beside you. 

“Bonnie? Did ya hear me?” she asked. But every sound was burned up by the fire beside him and turned to ash floating away like dust on the wind. He couldn’t take it in, couldn’t go to you just yet because he knew you had seen everything in your visions and he hadn’t listened. If you’d never come to Birmingham, he would have known his son. He would have held him one cool winter morning in your vardo while you looked on and smiled. He couldn’t go to you now that the promises were all broken, certain you'd never forgive him.

Esmerelda touched his shoulder. “Bonnie, she needs ya, love,” she urged.

Finally Bonnie found the courage to go to you. You were lying in bed so pale and still he was scared to touch you.  He ran his fingers through your hair, the way he knew soothed you and you opened your eyes to him, slowly. You were still too weak to move so he knelt by the bed as close as he could get. He peppered your cheeks with light kisses, barely holding back tears. “I’m so sorry, dove,” he began, voice cracking mid sentence. “It’s all my fault…You knew something was wrong. You wanted to leave and I made you stay here. I let ya down.”

It took all the strength you could muster to turn your head, but you followed the comforting sound of his voice. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you answered, “No, Bonnie, it's not your fault. It’s this place...it’s cursed.” A silent stream of tears washed over the apples of your cheeks until Bonnie wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.

“I’m going to take better care of you from now on, dove. When you’re well enough, I’m taking you away from here for good,” he promised, pulling the blankets up around your chin protectively. When you heard the words you’d been longing for, you allowed yourself to drift into a deep sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When you woke the next morning Bonnie was looking at you with a troubled expression. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night.  In honesty, he was afraid you had forgotten last night and hadn’t forgiven him at all.  But when your eyes focused and you reached for him, his breathing evened out and his heart beat steadied.  He squeezed your hand gently as you whispered something he couldn’t make out at first. Leaning down closer to your parted lips he heard you say, "Aberama told me you have one more fight."

“Doesn’t matter now,” he replied, dismissing the thought.

“Listen to me,” you urged. “If you win, we can start fresh with the money they owe you. Besides, you know they would never let you go until this is done,” you reasoned.

Sitting at the edge of your bed, Bonnie stroked your cheek lightly as he answered. “No, dove, I’m not going to fight for them. None of that matters to me anymore. We can go wherever you like, but we’ll find another way,” he stated firmly.

You knew the stakes of this fight were high, you had heard bits of the conversations around the campfire and the rest had come directly from your father-in-law.  The one thing you knew for sure was that your husband needed the success of this fight to free himself once and for all from the Shelbys. After a half hour of debate it was decided that he would enter the ring one last time.

A fortnight later, your husband was on his way to fight a Jewish welterweight by the name of Goliath.  Bonnie was not favored to win due to his size, but you knew not to count him out.  He was more determined than ever not to lose.  Although you could not be ringside due to your recovery, you were rooting for him.  

When Bonnie returned to camp that evening with a cut eye, badly bruised cheek and two broken ribs, you were scared.  He smiled through the pain and proudly proclaimed his title.  He had won the fight and a handsome purse.  

You left Birmingham the next morning hopeful for the first time in months, ready to start a new chapter in your young lives.  You were both more than ready for a life of travel, family and most of all freedom.

[pitchouna]

Meeting Goku x reader headcanons!!

(It's an AU where Chi-chi doesn't meet Goku because I love my girl and I simply hate angst.)

May be ooc since it's my first time writing </3 but overall it's just Fluff!!

Haven't checked for any spelling mistakes I'm too lazy.

Okay so I've recently became a Goku simp and Dragon Ball lover, and I've noticed there's little to no works about him. Which surprised me with how popular the DB series are. Anyways we'll talk about this another time let's begin!!

1k

To Begin, you and Goku met during the 23rd World Martial Arts Tournament where you both fought.

Even though you were beaten easily, Goku was amazed to find a strong woman for the first time. He immediately fell in love. (he's too dumb to figure it out and needed Krillin's help.)

Which lead him to ask to train and spar together when you'd both be free. So like everyday.

But of course it wasn't enough interaction for our lovely saiyan so Krillin's helped his best bud having dates ideas such as going to the beach together, going on restaurants (sadly you're the one paying

You two even nap together!!

As you guys may know, this man has got no experience about what personal space means.

So don't be surprised if you get trapped in a hug randomly if you guys nap together!!

No matter how far your beds are he'll randomly find a way to stick with you.

Of course there are some days where Goku may piss you off..

For exemple, when he asks too many dumb questions that your brain just want to disconnect.

Or when you simply don't want to train yet Goku doesn't understand why since training is literally all his life so he could be overwhelming without knowing it.

So you see theses excuses we use when we're too lazy to go out with friends? That was your first thought.

You'll sick to not train since it's the only way to escape training you found yet.

With how dumb he is, you could easily avoid the senzu beans solution.

Unless someone reminds him about it... ( Either it's Krillin, Yamcha etc... )

When learning who told him about it you'll always have a grudge against them.

You'll always be able to count on Bulma though!! Since she knows how men could be such a pain.

Y'all are besties forever and goes shopping at least once in the month (She's such a generous BFF she'll pay for everything)

You both always gossip.

However, Goku hates the days when you go hang out with Bulma.

He's just so bored.. Even if he can train, nap and eat as much as he'd like which is supposed to be his favourite hobbies it won't help..

He just has the need urge to see you!!

So sometimes, when he knows where you and Bulma hangs out, he'll randomly pop up out of nowhere with the Nimbus cloud.

Disappointed, Bulma still gets the message and sometimes will leave you two alone.

"Huh leaving already Bulma? You usually stay longer!" You exclaimed confused as why she was packing up so early.

"Sorry n/n! I just remembered I have a special meeting with some scientists!! Here's the money to pay for the addition. See ya!!" Bulma said in a rush as she left too much money on the table.

"Hold on Bulma you-" You were about to yell so she could take the money back before Goku interrupted you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"It's too late Y/n she's already gone now! Why don't you accept the money?" Goku said with his usual innocent which made you sigh in disbelief. Yet you didn't felt like scolding him right now you were too tired.

"I hope you don't want us to spar or train right now.. I'm too lazy." You mumbled with an irritated voice not wanting to deal with that right now.

"Heheee.. I just wanted to see you!!" Goku chuckled with his usual goofy smile that you started to like so much (But you didn't wanted to admit it yet...)

"You interrupted me and Bulma for that?.."

"But she has to go anyways!!"

"... Fair point."

Too lazy to argue further you just decided to let him win only this time. Since it was very late and you are the laziest person ever.

"Oh!" You heard Goku yell and wondered what that was about.

"Hm? What's up?" You asked him wanting to know what's on his mind.

"How about I take you on a ride home on the Nimbus? We'll get to watch the stars together!!" Goku said patting the Yellow cloud beside him.

"I guess I wouldn't mind..." You said as a small smile appears on your face.

Knowing that only pure-hearted people can go on it you decided to put a hand on the Nimbus and not to your surprise it went through it. Goku seemed very surprised though.

"How? You're one of the kindest person I know!!" Goku frowned wondering why that didn't work but you just chuckled at how innocent and cute dumb he was.

"That's not how it works Goku.."

"How does it works then?"

"I'll explain you another day. I'm too lazy right now... But what do we do now??

After your question, Goku put a hand on his chin thinking about a solution. He found it faster that what you were expecting.

" What about you get on my lap?" Goku said smilling innocently which made you blush.

"Why are you all red so suddenly Y/n??" You just brush it off not wanting to break his innocence of the poor guy.

"Just forget it alright? I'll go on your lap."

Goku chuckles in happiness hearing this. He wasted no time sitting on the Nimbus cloud and putting you on his lap.

He also took the opportunity to place his chin on your head. Which made you blush a little.

"Ready Y/n ?" Goku said Holding your waist. Too lazy as always you just nodded with a hum.

The Nimbus started to make it's way towards your home, as you took the opportunity to watch the beauty of the sky.

Goku smiled at your amazement, he found you so cute.

" Like what you're seeing Y/n?" Goku asked, his happiness obvious in his voice.

However, he heard nothing.

"Y/n ??" Goku asked looking at you just to find you asleep.

Oh well... He was already happy having you in his arms

He made a big detour to enjoy this moment even if you were sleeping.

Oh my god this took much longer than expected... The way I decided to randomly write headcanons out of nowhere instead of finishing my homeworks is wild. I hope y'all will like this!! If not I'll probably kms but it was very fun to write though!!

Will maybe do that another time if I don't forget this account 😭😭

Take care <33

[morganas-pendragons]

Where Are You? Pt II | Celebrimbor

There's a reason I chose this GIF. Otherwise, enjoy part II of my three-part fic covering the end of S2! I don't have very many Celebrimbor fics left I desire to post here. Much of my work now will go into starting the OC fic for him.

This got away from me. There might be a fourth part. We'll see!

Also, for reference, the name you see later in the fic is not character specific, but the name translate as protector/defender

- Part One

tag: @astralarchives @mathildahilda2

***

For someone who has been well practiced in the art of peace since your arrival to Eregion, the simmering desire for fury and vengeance is all too consuming.

Your scream cannot be heard over the roar of the siege as you lunge at Annatar.

He has taken too much from Eregion.

And you will not let him take Celebrimbor.

Sauron's taunts and continued jeering about your devotion to Celebrimbor only further add fuel to your fire. He is infuriated that you are the only Elf in Eregion who has not fallen victim to his machinations. He is infuriated that you have only grown in power since he arrived, snippets of your memories and magic gradually coming back as the need for Celebrimbor's protection becomes more dire.

"You really have led yourself to believe that you are Celebrimbor's salvation," Annatar remarks cooly, wiping at his cheek to watch as black drips between his fingers. It is impressive that you have managed to craft a blade powerful enough to wound a Maiar. "And I am here to remind you that you as his weakness will be the Great Smith's destruction."

"And I'm here to tell you, Mairon-" You barely see it, but he flinches almost imperceptibly at the use of his real name. It is another indication that you are not who you say you are. Who are you? "That you will get nothing!"

It is merely unfortunate that Annatar happens to have a stronger depth of understanding of his magic as well as more experience - given that you have gaps in your memory and time missing - because before you can truly realize what he's doing, the blonde Elf has you thrown through the air just as a nearby explosion sends debris flying toward you.

You collapse against the double doors of the Forge tower, coughing as ash enters your lungs and blood drips from your nose.

"I believe it is time for you to reunite with your lost love."

His fingers, unrelenting and cruel, wind through your hair and begin to drag you up the stairs.

***

You have been distant. Distant and cold, only allowing Celebrimbor to come to you when he has made progress on the Nine Rings. There have been suspicions over the last several weeks whether or not it was truly you, the one his soul loves, especially as you have not built your relationship this far based on transaction.

Celebrimbor begins to become truly lost when you will no longer love him the way you have. When your kisses no longer bring comfort, when your touch makes his skin crawl, when everything he has ever come to love begins to crumble between his fingers.

That doesn't account for the mouse that continues to reappear, or the gem missing in Fëanor's hammer. Everything feels wrong. He feels wrong.

It only serves to worsen the ache in his heart when Annatar reappears.

"Have you fallen? Come. The floor is hardly the place for the greatest of Elven smiths."

Celebrimbor cannot see you, not the real you, because Annatar has determined you are not to be seen until he is ready for it.

"No, I-uh.... Fëanor's hammer is missing a-" He pauses, brow furrowing in confusion as the gem he thought to have fallen out of the hammer reappears in its appropriate spot. The act serves to make Celebrimbor feel only more out of place, the haze that has clouded his brain for weeks thickening. He only feels as if he continues to grow more mad in this place.

"You know how forgetful you can be. I trust you are not feeling overwhelmed again."

You are forced to watch the endeavor, hidden from sight with Annatar's grasp on you like that of a viper suffocating its prey. He's restrained you with some magical inhibiting cuffs that cut you off from what power grows within you, and now he only serves to use you as a tool against the Elf you love.

"No... quite the opposite in fact," Celebrimbor said. "These past weeks I have felt such clarity. A focus that I have not known in years. I have you to thank for that. When the world is still then the ideas can flow freely."

Your eyes fall on the holly pin he still has tucked into his robes. Good. At least that can keep him safe.

"How fares your progress?" Annatar asks.

"The Rings of Power are nearly complete."

Dread settles heavily in your stomach as you grit your teeth, desperately trying to fight against Sauron's hold on you. Celebrimbor has fallen victim to the pride that brought him here. To Sauron's manipulations. Can he even perceive that his city is going to fall? Why does the sunlight cast such warmth through the windows when Eregion is bound by shadow?

"It will be a sad occasion. I have so enjoyed our time together."

Time you stole from me.

You dare not listen to the rest of their conversation. It is the first time you have properly glimpsed Celebrimbor in days and your heart swells at the sight of him. The curls that have fallen in his face, the earnestness and pride in his eyes at having been able to make something so... beautiful.

I love you. Please do not forget me. I still fight for you yet.

Before he can fully leave to return to the outdoors, Annatar presses you against the wall just out of Celebrimbor's sight and bends his head to whisper low in your ear, "Watch as he breaks, for your helplessness to save him will be your punishment."

You fold against the wall by the base of the stairs as he departs, leaving you and Celebimrbor alone. He cannot see you. He cannot hear you.

"Hello, my love."

You slowly turn around at the familiar voice and find that it is you -your face, your voice, your being - sauntering across the Forge to meet Celebrimbor at his desk. You watch your own fingers graze the curve of his jaw as you tip your head down to kiss him. He is ever willing, desperate for a semblance of comfort in such a cold and isolating environment.

That is what has kept him complacent. Sauron has used you against Celebrimbor.

Hatred flashes behind your eyes.

You have to get out of these cuffs.

***

You watch as he chews his thumb bloody, eyes cast on the same spot where the mouse has been running back and forth in a cycle all morning. Your breathing stutters when Annatar reenters the forge and strides up the stairs to meet him.

You, the other you, left some minutes ago when Celebrimbor refused your offer of pleasure in exchange for completing the Rings faster. You could see the way it broke his heart when you walked away. That you, one who was so willing to give him the world, would not even give him your love without getting something in return.

Oh, my love.... I'm sorry.

"The Rings, are they finished?"

"Sh... wait for it."

Celebrimbor shushed the Elf as he motioned to the mouse skittering across the floor. Your eyes widened as you stood to your feet, shaky legs slowly attempting to move up the stairs.

"Captivating," Sauron replied sarcastically.

"Do you not see?" Celebrimbor questioned. "It is a pattern. A cycle. Even my star, one who has been by my side for so long and yet has barely graced me with her presence, only comes in here at the same time every few hours to rush my progress. And look, here. The embers-"

"Celebrimbor, whatever has inspired this epiphany, I assure you we have not the time for it-"

Annatar twists his fingers at the last second, causing you to gasp out as you sink to your knees. More blood drips from your nose and onto the stone between your legs. Your outfit is torn, your skin bruised, and yet the fury that lingers within will be enough to vanquish him from both of your lives forever. Even if it kills you.

"On the contrary!" Celebrimbor exclaims. "We would appear to have all of the time that we need. The candles have not burned an inch all day. My beloved's holly skin marking is not there, and she was born with it."

Your heart stops. Sauron would not have known that detail.

"You sought peace." Sauron remarks. "I gave it to you."

"No. Whatever this is... this is hardly a gift." His voice falls to a whisper, questioning and desperate for the truth. "What have you done to me? What have you done to her?"

There is a flicker there just then, barely within your grasp. It is a memory you cannot truly forget. Your entire purpose in coming to Middle Earth is to be the architect of healing and protection for those would cannot do it for themselves.

Realization dawns on you.

It's not just for all of them. It's for him.

"Done to you?" Annatar asks incredulously. "You welcomed my instruction. You practically begged for it!"

Isn't that what he does? Warps the reality of those around him, drips poison in each sharp word that falls from his tongue with the intent to fell those who dare not give into him?

"No!" Celebrimbor yells. You flinch as he slams his hands against his desk. "What have you done to me?! What have you done to her?! Where is she!"

You feel the magic begin to wane and panic. He's about to reveal you.

"No emissary of the Valar would do this. Who are you? Truly?"

"Would you like to see the true emissary of the Valar?" Celebrimbor freezes as Annatar throws you at his feet, chains wrapped around your wrists as you writhe on the floor. You are not sure what he's doing. All you can focus on is the searing pain that is growing more intense inside of your head. "Go on then. Tell him who you really are."

Despite the pain, you force yourself to your feet. For that moment it is only you and Celebrimbor in the room. A room you have spent a night in, whether or not it was with him to keep him company or to help him with his projects. A room that once brought you both such peace.

"My-My star.. Is that really you?" You move toward him slowly, guilt flooding your face when he scrambles backward and further away. "Prove it. Prove you are not part of the illusion!"

You immediately move your fingers to the hem of your shirt. There, just where Celebrimbor knows it to be, is your holly leaf skin marking.

"I don't know what you saw, but that was not me." You begin. "That was not the flesh and blood person whose bed you so often occupy. That is not the flesh and blood person you kissed in front of the library, who you held during the beginning of our courtship at the pool... What you saw and touched in here was not me." A whimper echoes in the back of Celebrimbor's throat as you draw close enough to press his hands to your face. The other you, the one he'd thought was real, had not felt this warm. He could not feel the familiarity of warm skin or the way your heart often beat hard beneath his fingers. "You named me. You taught me how to live again. Please, Celebrimbor-"

You scream in anger as Annatar wrenches you backward, arm wound tightly around your throat. Celebrimbor whips around to face his perpetrator with dark eyes and a darker heart. Gone is the kindness that he is so often acknowledged for.

Now there is only you. Protecting you, ensuring you leave this tower alive.

"I am the one who has kept the storm at bay. I am the one who has prevented her from distracting you. Al to give you this one chance to prove your worth! Now, I want the nine!"

"NO!"

Reality shatters around you both as Fëanor's hammer collides with the window. Cries break through the haze that clouds your mind as Eregion's destruction is heard just outside the broken glass. Explosions sound alongside it, the smell of smoke permeating the air as it drifts inside.

Grey eyes, gentle hands, whispered words of Quenya and Sindarin. The sound of laughter on the wind. A staff crafted to channel your power. The holly leaf imprinted into your skin upon your creation.

You screw your eyes tightly shut. Celebrimbor's trembling breaths can be heard from the balcony as he takes in the destruction around him and what remains of his forge.

"Open your eyes," Sauron whispers in your ear. "Face the ruin of the city you nearly had within your grasp."

You force your eyes open to gaze at the one you love in front of you, nearly driven to his knees by the force of his grief. Despite feeling like your mind is being ripped open from the inside out - and likely to access memories you have only just begun to remember - you struggle against Annatar, who allows you out of his hold.

You pull Celebrimbor to you by the sleeve of his robes. Tears track down his cheeks as he meets your eyes. You do not care that Sauron is standing right beside you. You do not care that you are both in ruin. All you care about is him.

"I love you," You whisper in your native tongue, low and soft enough for only the two of you to hear as Celebrimbor clutches you to his chest and buries his face in your neck so his cries can be stifled. "I am here. I'm real. It is me, Celebrimbor."

He does not move far from you even after you part. You are his only truth midst all the deceit, and Celebrimbor will not let that disappear. You will not be ruined at his hands too.

"What-" Your eyes snap over to his desk where the urn of what was mithril has spilled, pitch black staining the paper beneath it. "The mithril!"

"That is not mithril." You say. "For mithril does not carry the rot of death, Celebrimbor."

"I must give you credit. You are far more clever than I thought you'd be." He says to you before turning his attention to Celebrimbor. "I have learned so much from you since coming to Eregion, Celebrimbor. No lesson more lasting than this," You turn to shield him with your own body, fingers tightening against the chains that bind you as Sauron lifts his hand to reveal the cut deep in his palm. "True creation requires sacrifice."

The rest falls past you in a blur. You are rushing outside after Celebrimbor mere moments later, desperate to keep him away from harm from the hands of his own people or the siege just outside his walls.

Both of you are thrown apart from the other just as the doors are thrown open. You scream and attempt to cover your head with your hands, gasping as you collide with the stone. You did not think it possible for your head to hurt worse.

Your back arches as another memory, much clearer and more perceptible, comes back to the front of your mind.

"For I have named you Beriel, as you will be my Hands of Protection for those who cannot protect themselves. This is the task I have assigned you among the Istari."

"Thank you, Lady Nienna."

Your eyes snap open. Istari. That means-

Your staff. You have to find your staff.

***

It takes you nearly an hour to work against the enchantment on the cuffs that bind you. Your staff had luckily not been far from where you'd been thrown, and the wood was crafted from among the strongest of Eregion's trees with the signature white stone that also adorned your circlet fixed into the center.

When the cuffs had fallen into the dirt at your feet, you bound forward toward the tower with a new determination in your step. He wouldn't expect you. Not like this.

"Do you know what it is like to be tortured at the hands of a God? It is agonizing. For what he wished to destroy, I wished to perfect. Sometimes the pain almost became a reward. It became a game. A contest to see whose will was the mightier."

"And after all of that, you'd still choose to inflict the same pain upon me?"

"No. You chose it. Not I."

The more Sauron's poison drips off his tongue, the angrier you get. He is so intent on breaking Celebrimbor's spirit with those manipulative words. Taking what remains of the Elf you love and twisting it in his hands until it's malleable, ready to do whatever it is told.

To touch the darkness.

"All depends on the rings," There's a far off, dreamy look in Sauron's eyes as he stretches out a hand to grasp one of the rings in his fingers. "And since you forced me to torment you to bring them into being, I am but a victim of your obstinance." The two meet eyes, and you hold your breath. "And you are the true author of your own torment."

"You really are the great deceiver. You can even deceive yourself."

Annatar's earnest expression falls into one much colder. "Finish them." He demands. You press your hand against the door and duck just out of sight as he storms out and down the stairs.

When he's gone, you rush back into the room just as Celebrimbor throws the Nine into the fire.

"Be careful!" You exclaim, and the sound of your voice is so sudden that it catches him off guard. "I do not wish you to bring further harm to yourself."

The calm of his touch is a welcome relief when his hands find your cheeks. "I am so glad you are safe, my love." He said softly. Dark green eyes slowly shift to the staff slung across your back. "Though I feel as if there is much to be caught up on."

The rings themselves are cast from the fire onto the desk.

"That hammer will not remove you from magical chains, Celebrimbor," Your fingers wind around the piece that keeps his wrist shackled to the desk. "It is something only I can do-"

"I will not have you sacrifice anything else for me. Not this day."

"It is a sacrifice I am willing to make-"

"No!" He has never shouted at you, not once. Tears burn the back of your eyes. "I have already lost my city to ruin. I will not let that happen to you too. Do you understand me?"

You nod. For all his compassion and kindness, Celebrimbor Curufinwe certainly has the Fëanorian temper.

He attempts every means to pry it off. When his eyes fall on the instrument that is meant to cut through the metals he often molds, dread shifts and settles in your chest.

"Celebrimbor, you can't-"

"I can and I will. There is no choice." You watch as he slides his thumb into the instrument and settles low enough to not fall and hurt himself further. "Whose will is the mightier?"

You rush forward to catch him. With the blood loss, there is no way he will not be vulnerable outside and you will not let anything else happen to him.

"Yours, sweet love." You whisper, sliding your arm around his waist as you begin guiding the two of you through a secondary exit in the forge. "Yours."

Everything is in chaos when you finally emerge outside. Much of the outer courtyard and surrounding buildings is nothing but rubble, submerged by fire that consumes everything it comes in contact with. There are Elves, your people, screaming in the distance. You can hardly breathe with the smell of smoke this thick.

You barely have enough to react before another explosion sounds, this one much closer, and knocks you both off your feet.

Your thoughts are on Celebrimbor as you are enveloped by darkness.

***

Galadriel only has one question when she enters the courtyard. Why are Celebrimbor's men looming over him as if they are the threat, and where are you? Last she'd heard, you were well on your way to marriage and earning the title of Lady of Eregion.

The anger that she feels at the treatment of her cousin is what propels her forward. If you cannot be his defender at this moment, she will do it in your stead.

"Release him!" She exclaims. "That is Lord Celebrimbor, greatest of Elven Smiths."

"But the Lord of Eregion ordered-"

"This is The Lord of Eregion. You should know as well that if this order were given by the Lady of Eregion, you would be equally expected to adhere to it," Calculating eyes shift over to her cousin, and there is such relief in his gaze that it nearly overwhelms her. "Celebrimbor... It is me."

Just over her shoulder, you emerge through the archway and lean heavily against it to catch your breath. Your face is veiled by the blood that trails down your temples and stains your skin. Your eyes burn from the smoke.

Galadriel's gaze falls to his bloodied hand.

"When I saw you, I was certain you were another illusion. Another cruelty devised to torment me with false hope. That is what he did with my Lady. And yet she is not here.. and I fear that which rescued me from my prison was another illusion as well."

Tears fall down your cheeks. What you would give to bring him peace.

"Sauron? More rings?" Galadriel asks. He nods.

"Nine." He holds up the pouch in his hand. "Nine rings to enslave the world of men as he enslaved me. It was my fault. From the beginning.. A part of me saw despite what she told me, and yet I still wanted what he offered! I blinded myself to what he was."

"So did I."

The moment you hear Sauron's screams, you propel yourself forward to stand beside Galadriel. Malendol and his men let you. He would not dare to question either of you. Not now.

Celebrimbor's eyes gleam as he takes you in. You are nearly as bloodied as he, but yet there is such a fire in your eyes that has yet to be put out.

"Hurry. The two of you can take the old Dwarven tunnel out of the city. That is how I entered." Galadriel said. "It will bear you both and the Rings far from here. Go. Now."

You bent down to sit beside Celebrimbor and again envelop him with your arm, the other hovering on your shoulder where your staff lay heavy as you kept your eyes cast above.

"No. It must be you," Celebrimbor argued. "I will ensure it is some time before he comes for the rings. Take them and save anyone in the city you can. Take her with you. You must hurry."

Your attention diverts back to your betrothed. "Absolutely not!" You snap. "I have been here all the while to protect you from him, and I will continue to do so now. I am staying."

"This is not an option."

"It is my choice. My choice and mine alone. My mission, above all else, has been to keep you safe." You draw closer than to kiss him fiercely, and all you can taste is ash and blood on his tongue. Galadriel softens at the way Celebrimbor responds to you. You have her cousin's heart. "This was meant to be our city. I remain."

"I built this city, Galadriel. My place is here."

"And they will not be alone," Malendol remarked. You nod your acknowledgment to the commander. Regardless of what has happened here, he is a good man.

"Neither of us were strong enough. There might not be anyone on Middle Earth who is save those who match his power. Perhaps the Elves need only remember that it is not strength that overcomes darkness, but light. Armies may rise, hearts may fail, but still, light endures and is mightier than strength. For in it's presence, all darkness must flee." He swallows the knot in his throat and takes her in for that final moment. "Namäríe."

And then you are both gone, and Galadriel is left to watch you go with no hope of ever seeing you again.

***

Before you and Celebrimbor enter the Forge again, you quickly ensure he is still wearing the holly pin you enchanted after he initially made them with you. Miraculously, it has made it this far.

Celebrimbor stares at you quizzically as you adjust it against his chest.

"I'm not quite sure that adjusting a pin will help us in here."

You peer up at him. Celebrimbor catches that you seem to know something he doesn't.

"These pins may be among the only help we will get in here." Your fingers hover over the edge of your staff against your shoulder. He will have to ask you about that later.

"They are not here." He announces to Sauron as you both enter the Forge with Malendol and his men. It is heartbreaking how only ruins remain now. Sauron has obviously been tearing what remains apart in search of The Nine. "They will be far beyond your reach now."

Sauron's eyes shift down to the staff on your shoulder and the lack of handcuffs on your wrists. "Then you are going to bring them to me and place them in my hand."

"Your hand will never touch another ring again."

Malendol calls out a command in Sindar, and you are left to watch from your spot beside Celebrimbor as his men encircle Sauron. You know this will not end well.

"By order of the true Lord of Eregion, you Sauron are-"

Celebrimbor's brow furrows as Malendol suddenly stops, seeming to be choking on his own words. You remove your staff from your shoulder and place yourself between Celebrimbor and Sauron. You know that you among the Istari are not powerful compared to him, but you can deal some damage.

And you will, especially if it gets Celebrimbor out alive.

"Did you think you were the only one who put yourself in my power? Of all the people I have ensnared, she is the only one with the strong enough will to resist." Your gaze hardened as you watched each sword turn away from Sauron to each of the elves who held them.

Celebrimbor's grip on your hip tightened as each Elf was felled, their bodies collapsing against the ground.

A white light began to shine from the stone in your circlet. The same one in your staff began to emanate white light as well. You grit your teeth and murmur an incantation in Quenya just as Malendol enters the fight. You are intent on not letting him take another innocent life.

Sauron was not anticipating the direct blast at his chest as he flew across the room.

You rush forward and wrench the Commander backward toward you. "Get out of here and flee. Help Gil-Galad's elves. Get out of the city and take the survivors. Live. Go!"

Malendol exchanges a sympathetic look with you and Celebrimbor before he leaves with a thank you for having narrowly saved him from death.

Humorless, cold laughter echoes across the Forge.

"You will give me the Nine."

"Over my dead body." You remark sharply. "And that will take you quite a while to achieve."

Sauron smiles and wipes the blood from his lips before reaching for the weapon at his side. Unknown to you, it is a dagger that he has carried in secret for all his time in Eregion, able to wound even Maiar.

"So be it."

[moonysbxtch0]

505

Part 10 : Grindylow Hunt

Pairing: Professor Lupin x reader

Summary: Reader tries to find the Grindylow, too bad she has to do so when she's overwhelmed by her emotions from the close full moon.

Warnings: mastrubation (m) ,slight mentions of violence.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39275319/chapters/119629324

Fuck Remus Lupin. That asshole was dead serious about you getting him a grindylow.You had tried to change his mind a couple times, tried to offer a better deal but he insisted on his own.Not only that but every time you brought up the topic in a sarcastic tone he would blackmail you , threatening to actually tell McGonagall about you and the twins. So,with that thought on mind,on Sunday you woke up, body betraying you in every single way.It felt limp and you were too tired to even stand up. You wanted to sleep but you couldn't and you shouldn't if you still wanted to be a student here.

He's not getting out of this easily. You kept reminding yourself as you got ready. You cussed professor Lupin the whole time ,when you brushed your teeth... spitting on the sink harshly imagining you did so on his face ,when washing your face and then angrily drying it with a towel,when your pants ripped from anger as you tried to put them on,when your hair tangled when you tried to brush it, when you couldn't find you wand and as you slammed the door of your room, descending down the stairs.

"What in the Merlin's left ball?" You were faced with Percy. He was sitting on the couch, reading a book , enjoying the warmth of the crackling fireplace." Who died?"

"Hmm?" You furrowed your eyebrows at him.You were feeling irritated and didn't have any patience to decipher Percy's jokes so early in the morning. Just thinking that he would stay on the room while you had to go out in this cold made your blood boil. Life's unfair.

"It's Sunday, you're up early. I should mark this day on my calendar." He looked dumbfounded. Shut the fuck up Percy. That's what you wanted to say to him. Full moon was going to happen in about a week and unfortunately you got hit with one of the worst emotions, irritation.

"Lower your head ,keep reading that book and mind your business." You frowned and shoved your hands angrily in your pockets.

"Are you having your period? You're in a bad mood." Being dumb was a Weasley treat because even if you were it wasn't any of his business. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself.You were mad at Lupin,Percy didn't have to be the person you express your anger at.

"See you around." You started walking in the fat lady's direction, trying to get out of the room before you started an unnecessary fight with Percy for no reason.

"Where are you going?" He raised his voice.Now even if you wanted to tell him th truth ,you couldn't. If you said that you had detention,he would start asking questions and eventually you might slip and tell him the actual reason you woke up so early. Plus you had to leave before Oliver woke up,you lied to him the other night and told him you weren't feeling well and couldn't make it to Hogsmade with him. If he saw you looking perfectly fine now ,he would think that you made an excuse to not go with him and you didn't want him to think that you were ignoring him.

"Out for a walk. Don't tell Oliver that you saw me." You forced a smile as you faced Percy but the look on your eyes made him gulp.

"Okay..."

<•>

You were laying on the grass,close to the lake,hands behind your head staring at the clouds which were changing shape frequently. You were thinking of ways that could help you catch a Grindylow without getting wet but till now you hadn't thought of anything. You hadn't learnt any spells like that and that made you groan in frustration.You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

At least you had a general idea how to catch one , thanks to your reading yesterday. You came across many useless information,you even read a book written from your previous defence against the dark arts professor,Gilderoy that turned out to be pure trash. The only helpful information you found was an article written by Newt Scamander who had managed to catch one and keep it in a jar. You had made sure to bring a jar with you.You sighed heavily and rested your weight on your forearms now.Maybe you could try to summon one?

"Accio grind-" you stopped yourself.What if you summoned more than one? Plus it's not like it would magically land on your hands anyway. Fuck. You had no other choice but to swim inside the lake. If you died ,you would fucking stalk that Remus Lupin for an entirety, that was a promise.

You stood near the lake, trying to not think too much about the risks of getting killed.You could do this. Twelve transformations a year and you still hadn't died ,a little water wasn't going to change that...or so you hoped. Not thinking too much about it , without a second thought you jumped into the water. You were freezing,it was cold... actually the word cold didn't even describe the temperature of this water.You should have been more careful when you got inside but it was too late. It felt as if your heartbeat slowed. You took deep breaths and gave your body time to get used to the water's temperature. Eventually it did ,you grabbed hold of your wand and casted the bubble-head charm.

You slowly sunk down,not moving too fast , trying to be wary of your surroundings. The lake might be one of the scariest places in the school but in a way you found it beautiful.Not just because of the view because as you kept swimming you noticed many life forms,co-living and not disturbing each other, clearly not minding one another.Only if it was the same with humans,your life would be much more easy,not having to be judged your whole life,not having to worry about showing the true you,your true colours without the fear of being prejudiced for being a werewolf.

You had yet to spot a Grindylow even after about half an hour of being down here and by the looks of it you wouldn't find any if you didn't do something soon. You stopped for a moment, moving your limbs to keep you floating without sinking further and tried to find a solution. It didn't take you much time to think of one.You muttered a tracking spell and soon a net of white strings appeared in front of you. You tried to focus on finding what you came here for in the first place and tried to ignore the white strings ,which located the other creatures and then soon enough a red string appeared. You found them. You just had to follow it.

They were smart,you would give them that.They had hidden under a beautiful dark red rock and never in a million years would you have thought to check there. You eventually went close to it, using professor Lupin's tip to levitate it and soon enough a group of baby Grindylows ,which were sleeping appeared in front of you.They seemed harmless like this and you were glad their mothers weren't around. You managed to get close to them and slowly grabbed one of them, sealing it on a jar just as Newt had done. You charmed the jar and made it shrink so it would fit inside your pocket. You levitated the rock back to where it was but as you did ,you lost concentration for a moment because you thought you heard something and it nicked your thigh. It didn't hurt but the blood wasn't a good sign. It had a certain smell that might attract certain dangerous creatures so with that thought you started swimming back to the surface.

You had a smile on your face,you were sure that Lupin didn't think that you would actually get him one and couldn't wait to see the expression on his face. You felt relieved,he won't snitch and you won't get expelled.Though the twins owe you big time for this...they should have been here with you. You were finally seeing light from the surface, just a few more meters and you would be able to leave and never come back.

Whatever smile you had on your face , vanished quickly when you felt something slippery wrap around your ankle. You frantically moved your head down only to see a group of angry adult Grindylows swim in your direction,one of them having grabbed hold of your ankle and gripping it as if its life depended on it. You were screwed.

<•>

Remus had closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the hot water that hit his skin. One hand was resting on the cold piles of the wall and the other one was resting against his side. He let out a deep groan as he felt the pain from his body leave just for the shortest moment. He was tired,both mentally and physically today.

Full moon was only a week away and he already had start feeling restless.What he actually hated this time that made him feel tired mentally was the emotion that decided to accompany this month's full moon. He threw his head back and let the water splash his face, taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly. He felt something between his legs twitch and the thought that he would have to deal with being rock hard for about a week was killing him.

He tried not to give his cock any attention, even though it was starting to become painful. He didn't want to risk it because last time Remus had sat on his desk, pulled his cock out of his pants and had started jerking off images of a certain witch had come to his mind. Her taking his cock in her mouth,inch by inch, gagging on it , eyes watering because she couldn't fully fit him there had made Remus feel guilty for days and ashamed of himself as he had cleaned the mess he had created on his pants and shirt.

Sure he hadn't sat down with the thought of beating his meat while thinking of you,he had tried to use the time as a stress reliever but when it took a dark turn ,it only increased his stress. Sure,it was his fault for that much he was sure. He had been teasing you since day one , had even made sexual remarks...he knew that he shouldn't have done so, he's supposed to maintain professionalism but something about you makes him get out of his skin.

Opening his eyes slowly and looking down,he noticed that his erection hadn't gone down in the slightest. Oh Merlin,he was screwed. He knew what would happen if he touched himself but if he didn't he would have to suffer all day...he needed to cum,he had time to feel guilty after. For now he had to get himself out of this agonizing state. So with that thought,he wrapped a hand around his cock and bit his lip hard , groaning in the process. This felt good...even if the person he imagined as soon as he moved his fist up and down was going to probably hate him if she knew what he did when he thought about her,how he sullied her image,how he imagined that he would defile her... didn't stop Remus from making himself cum,your name falling from his lips.

"Fuck." His chest was moving up and down fast,his fist was covered with white liquid ,the piles were covered in small white maps but none of that mattered. " The fuck is wrong with me?" He muttered as he slammed his forehead against the wall.

<•>

"Relashio" you moaned the revolusion jinx, forcing the Grindylow to remove its hold from your ankle. You had no time to zone out so with that thought,you swam as fast as you could, thanks to your lycanthropy which gave you extra stamina you were out in no time.You crawled out of the lake , coughing on the process and then your body fell to the ground. You made it out ,safe.

"In your face ,Lupin." You shouted and smiled as you punched the air.

<•>

In a matter of twenty minutes you had dried your clothes,had reversed the shrinking spell on the jar,had cleaned the small wound on your thigh ,had found the twins and asked for their help to locate professor Lupin using the marauders map and now you were standing in front of his private chambers door.

You gulped, should you perhaps wait for a better moment to hand him the Grindylow...it felt like you were overstepping his boundaries by being here. What if he thought that you were a stalker? Wait. You almost died because of him today,if anyone should feel guilty, it's him. You moved your eyes from left to right then rasped your knuckles on the hard wood , waiting for him to open the door,hand him the Grindylow,make a sarcastic comment,mock his attempts of blackmailing you the past few days and live your life happy ever after.

The door creaked open, revealing professor Lupin but the second you saw him,your train of thoughts was interrupted. Your eyes were glued on him,your heart was beating fast...what the hell?! He must have just gotten out of the shower because the only thing he was wearing was a towel wrapped around his waist.Water droplets were forming trails all over his naked upper body, which was quite ripped...he didn't look like he would be hiding all that under those clothes of his. His cheekbones were flushed in a warm red ,nose shining and his eyes' colour was even more noticeable...

"Poppy-" he was drying his hair with another towel." I told you that you didn't have to-" he stopped talking when his eyes landed on you.

Something was wrong with you...your throat felt sore,your lips were dry.You couldn't even control the way your voice trembled as you spoke."Professor."

"Y/N." His voice dropped a few octaves lower than usual.

"Eh..."you gulped, trying to get hold of your thoughts. Nervously licking your lip ,you spoke." Your...errand." You moved the jar in his direction, moving your eyes to the side, trying to ignore the way he was raking your body with his eyes , trying to not do the same.

"Right." He ran a hand through his hair, puffing his cheeks and sighing in the process. You heard his footsteps closing in and when he closed the distance you had to physically restrain yourself from making any reaction when his toxicating smell of arousal filled your nose. It was...what the hell was he doing before you arrived here? You closed your eyes and the quick fragment of the professor touching himself that appeared on you mind,made your abdomen clench,your cheeks heat up and your chest burn. The realisation hit you...it wasn't irritation that you would have to deal with this month,hell you wished if that would be the case,you actually had to deal with being horny for a whole week...Oh Merlin." I think you can let go of it,I got it." His voice was strained and hoarse and for the moment your whole nervous system was malfunctioning.

"Eh... sorry." You moved your eyes to his , only to find him already staring at you with this darkened expression...his eyes...no. You were reading too much into this. You let go of the jar and he held the top of it with one hand."Deal closed?" You found it hard to speak,it felt like a struggle to even form simple words in the moment.

He rubbed his neck and moved his eyes to the side, eyebrows furrowed."Yes. I'll keep my word,no worries."

"Thank you..." You let the words linger on the air... waiting for him to say something but he refused to even meet eyes with you again."Guess I'll see you around...sir."

He ran his palm over his face,from his forehead,down to his chin and then back to his forehead, sliding his hair back then locking eyes with you again." See you around,Y/N."

Part 11:

[scoobysnakz]

Hard Luck

Chap iv

It’s hard finding love when your sole reason to live is your daughter, but when her best friends dad is annoyingly attractive and might have something to do with your rent randomly getting paid, who can blame you for being a little curious?

||* mostly fluff, Raya being an undiagnosed autistic child bc I'm plotting something evil, domestic Miguel if you squint, slightly pervy reader, mentions of oral reader receiving, reader being a silly fan-girl, cliff hanger bc why not.

Guilt. It's an overwhelming feeling that sits in the pit of his stomach in a way he's far too familiar with.

Miguel can name all the good and bad things about guilt. The way it allows you to be held accountable for your actions makes, your mind fray with culpability. How it can prevent someone- him- from doing something that will drive them- him- insane and remind them- him- that they have to have morals that keep them- him- grounded. Or else… or else.

There have been plenty of times Miguel has felt culpability and they have all been about something much more drastic than this. He's lost people, a family, so, so many versions of his family.

He needs to get this universe right. The thought of losing Gabi again makes his gut clench and that ticking in his jaw form again.

The first time it had happened, people had been upset for him, Peter had left him alone without being asked more than once and Jess was just the right amount of critical and loving. They were his guilt.

Then it happened again. And again. And again. And then people were becoming concerned for him, but the kind where they scolded and questioned him so he stopped telling people each time he found a universe he could live in. That first universe was the only one he destroyed he's made sure of that.

And yet he's feeling so intensely guilty for his stalker-like tendencies when he's done much worse.

He knows he shouldn't have followed you, waited for you to enter the shop and prayed to anyone above that your card would cancel. But he needed to get your number- for parental reasons of course. And now he has it.

“I can't do that again,” Miguel groans, hand sliding down his face as he slumps into his chair.

Lyla snickers at him, hands covering her face while her legs kick in the air. Miguel looks over at her, expression unamused.

“It was a complete betrayal of her trust,” his fingers drum on the smooth wood of his desk.

“Don’t think the two of you had a trusting relationship, considering you only just got her number.” her teasing earns her a wave of dismissal.

“I’m this close,” he holds his hand in the air, thumb and index finger millimetres away, “from replacing you.” His leg bounces up and down, jaw tightened and lips pursed.

She scoffs at him and waves a blurred-out finger at him before slumping down on his desk. “But if you replace me how will you watch your girlfriend?”

“You aren't funny. I was watching her because I needed… her daughter is Gabi’s friend I can't have her being some scumbag.” his tone is harsh, fed up, and irritated, but he can't bite back the grin that forms at her teasing.

“She isn't a scumbag…”

Lyla hums in feigned disagreement, her minute pixelated frame now perched on his shoulder as she smirks up at him.

“She’s nice… to me, and old people.”

He glances out the window, dark clouds threatening rain as they swarm the grey sky. He sighs and looks back over at Lyla. He came to this universe for Gabi.

But he can't stop himself from thinking back to the way you smelt. The faint coconut and the mellowness of your washing powder settled gently against his skin like a thin, taunting mist, teasing his stiffening cock.

He relishes the way you let him pull you near. How easily you submitted to the man who hasn't even had a proper conversation with you and pretended to be his partner- his wife. How you put up such a lazy fight against it that it felt almost playful. How your eyes softened the moment you saw him. How you allowed him to help you despite the embarrassment that followed it.

“When you’ve finished being hopeless lover boy,” Lyla chirps, “you might want to y’know be Spiderman.”

***

Miguel didn't expect his offer to go so well. He just assumed that being stuck with two nine-year-old girls for a few hours would be hell but it's surprisingly entertaining.

He knows Gabi inside and out, yet when she's with Raya she's different. And it doesn't feel forced.

The two of them spent ages trying to figure out a flavour because they obviously had to have the same one. They both ended up choosing chocolate, much to Miguel’s distaste. And then when Gabi wanted a sprinkle cone but Raya wanted a plain one they ended up getting tubs.

“It's because she's my best friend, papá,” Gabi had stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which had made him chuckle.

“How was school?” he asks, feeling a little left out of the conversation.

Raya’d attention is immediately diverted towards him, wide eyes following each movement of his face. “It was fun,” she says quietly- shyly, making sure to swallow before speaking. It’s good table manners

“Papá, we’re talking!” Gabi whines with a pout, “Raya doesn't want to tell you about her day because you're boring.”

So he sits there, practically spilling out of the tiny metal chair, watching them laugh at him and whatever else makes girls their age giggle the way they are. He keeps a smile on his face and his phone on vibrate, waiting for you to reply to his text, or read it at least.

***

Your back arches with ecstasy, hips jolting upwards towards the source of your pleasure. You can feel your gummy walls clenching and when you look down to see what it is that's sliding inside your cunt, you’re met with the sight of the top of someone's head.

Thick, brown curls, all unfurled as you slide your fingers away. They look familiar in a way that makes you feel giddy.

Desperate to see who’s providing this bliss, you push their head away. You’re left with an achy, empty feeling as they pull their fingers out of you and drag their tongue off your puffy folds but you'll have to push past it. Maybe whine a little, but you'll manage.

You look down, brain too fuzzy with arousal to even process Miguel’s deep, chocolatey eyes gazing up at you. He's smiling boyishly, fangs poking over the tops of his perfectly formed, lips that are coated in a deliciously thick layer of your arousal.

“Can I keep going, Hermosa?” his velvety voice rumbles, sending chills down your spine.

Before you get a chance to beg for more than his skilled fingers and soft tongue, the sound of a traumatic radar sound blares and you’re forced awake.

You lie there for a moment, one hand lazily slung across your forehead while the other grips your mouth.

You can't tell if it's guilt or arousal but you can't think straight. All you know is that you just had a painfully realistic dream of a man you barely know eating you out. Part of you wishes it lasted longer but that's beside the point.

There's an uncomfortable slickness between your thighs and you're slightly tempted to do something about it but the constant ringing of your alarm reminds you that you do, in fact, have some form of common sense.

Ignoring the guilt that's swimming in your gut, you sit upright, legs dangling over the edge of the sofa. You sit there for a moment, trying to figure out if you should be feeling that guilt or if it's your brain’s fault. You settle for the latter.

Yawning, you pick up your phone, scanning for notifications you know aren't there. A few from the weather app, another from a period tracking app that says your ovulating (that explains the dream- hopefully) and then… a text from Miguel.

It's one of those texts that you don't know how to reply to, it's got a simple answer but that's rude and all of the emojis are far too informal for someone you have saved as ‘Gabi’s dad’

You stare at Miguel’s text. Let the letter jumble up and scramble into unintelligible blobs as your eyes start to sting with tears before you allow yourself to blink.

I’ve got the girls. Could you text me your address so I can drop Raya off later?

He’s got the girls and now he wants your address. That's the part that makes it so hard to reply.

You don't live in the nicest of areas, graffiti in the stairwell that you have to use because the lift stinks of piss, loud neighbours and a possibly dead cat stuffed into one of the bins at the entrance.

It's embarrassing.

Miguel’s a tailored man, with slicked-back hair and freshly ironed clothes. You contemplated lying about your address, tell him it's some random house, meet him outside before quickly running off with Raya to get the bus.

But you don't want her growing up ashamed of not having money. You can't have her becoming a pompous brat who whines about not getting things. Because that's not who is she now, nor will she ever be.

You tap the smooth glass of your phone screen over and over again with your thumb before forcing yourself to reply. And almost immediately you get a reply

‘👍’

You can't stop the smile that forms on your lips at how fast his response is, he was probably on his phone or coincidentally looking checking his notifications when you sent the text.

But now you have nothing to do. You couldn't pick up an extra shift because- thanks to your stupidity- you somehow forgot that you can't randomly change your hours as a carer. And apparently, you can't even sleep without being a pervert.

Sleep sounds nice though. Your eyes are heavy with countless nights of single-digited hours of sleep. It's pulling at your brain in a way that makes your thoughts fuzzy and your body slowly sinks back into the sofa again.

A loud thudding noise startles you from your sleep. It's repetitive and loud so your first instinct is to slam off your alarm but when you see a blank screen you divert your fatigued brain to the front door.

Completely forgetting about Raya being out with Miguel and Gabi, you pull the door open. You look a mess, mascara smudged and eyes heavier than the weights he probably lifts with those delicious arms…

“Mum,” Raya mumbles, her face buried in her chest as pulls you close.

You stumble back, fighting back a yawn, and nearly fall onto the sofa but Raya pulls you forward. “Hey, baby,” you smile down at her, laughing awkwardly at nearly making a complete fool of yourself.

You drag your gaze up to Miguel, his board shoulders filling out the doorway while his hand clutches onto Gabi’s.

“Miguel,” your voice is groggy but cute and it makes him feel safe on the inside, “Thank you for having her.” You go to playfully nudge Raya but she's no longer next to you, now shyly hidden behind you, clutching into your shirt.

“She has beautiful manners,” his voice is like velvet that's been melted by a log fire and poured on top of Valentine's chocolates.

He looks down at you, eyes briefly tearing away from you to discreetly inspect your apartment. It's cute, homely, you. Lots of blankets and cushions, picture frames dotted around, and a random coat stand that stands bare.

“Would you like to come in?” you offer, attempting to stifle another yawn, failing to succeed as pleasantly the last time.

Miguel opens his mouth, pretty lips parted so perfectly that your half-awake brain might just fall for him on the spot.

“Please, papá! Raya said she has a bunch of teddies!” Gabi pleads, her accent bearing a striking resemblance to Miguel’s.

Before he gets a chance to decline, she pushes past him and skips over to Raya. She grabs her hand and almost immediately her awkwardness melts away as they run into her room.

“Sorry, she's really-”

“Bold?” you offer, head cocked to the side.

“Yeah... Let's go with that version.”

The two of you share an awkwardly dry chuckle before you both look away.

“Coffee?” you break the silence.

“Would be nice,” he finishes for you.

Nervously, you lead him to your minute kitchen island, kicking random toys out of the way before he gets a chance to see them.

As he walks through your apartment, your home, Miguel can't help but feel at ease. It's messy but not in an unhygienic way, you can just tell it's lived in happily.

The waterrings on the countertops, a random bag of bouncy balls left on the floor for someone to trip on. Miguel can imagine himself here, not living, but staying.

Maybe his shoes lazily kicked off in a slobbish pile on the sofa, Gabi’s coat slung on the unused coat rack next to Raya’s and yours.

“Sorry it's a mess, I was going to tidy up but I got… sidetracked. But I promise it's not normally this messy, just today. Which is strangely coincidental but it really isn't. And-”

“It's nice in here,” he cuts you off as if he couldn't hear what you'd just said.

His small slither of praise makes you smile. That toothrottingly sweet smile that makes every fibre of his being burn with arousal.

“Thanks.”

You turn your back to him, searching for your coffee before you grab a small glass jar that has instant coffee in it.

“Fuck,” you grumble, “its empty. So… no coffee for us,” you laugh.

He shrugs his shoulders and takes the jar from you.

“Bin?” he asks.

“There,” you point, “left side is recyclable and right is the other stuff.”

He opens the bin and drops the jar, smiling in satisfaction as it lands with a soft third. He lifts his foot from the pedal before catching a glimpse of red. Curious, he presses down on the pedal again and reads the block writing.

EVICTION NOTICE

[bluecanvasshoe]

Not Ellie

a quick little story i wrote about Ellie Williams. takes place after the aquarium encounter :)

warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TLOU PART 2!!!!! angst, major character death, mentions of gagging, descriptions of injuries, hurt/no comfort, ellie is mentally not okay and what’s mentioned and talked about may be triggering, pacing is a bit weird. i’m tired

may or may not be cringe. idk. was beta read but only by one person because im scared of getting my work read by people close to me 😢 this is the first time i’ve ever posted my work online, so i’m happy to take criticism!

also. a song was added to this fic even though i never added one???? if u saw that no u didnt ignore it

——————

An overwhelming chill settled into Ellie’s bones as she weaved through the streets of Seattle. Rain pelted down around her, soaking the dirt at the bottom of potholes and pits left behind from bombs, a reminder of the government’s doings when the outbreak first began. Buildings towered over her, some crumbling and fallen, others with broken glass and fissured concrete. Dark clouds never seemed to stop coming, the cold rain never ceasing in its relentless downpour.

Her shoes squelched as she walked on cracked and worn pavement, her feet numb from the cold of rain-soaked socks and her legs sore from the long trek to that god forsaken aquarium.

The aquarium. She didn’t want to think about that place anymore, but her brain wouldn’t let her ignore what she had done. She felt like gagging whenever she remembered the woman she killed; Mel. She was pregnant. She was pregnant and she murdered her with a stone cold gaze and venom laced in her voice as she demanded information from her and Owen. She felt like she had a pit in her stomach.

This was all because of Abby. Her mind raced with ideas and ways of how and what she’d do to Abby when she got her hands on her, a blinding fury twisting and manipulating her thoughts, violent notions and images flashing in her head.

Her backpack felt like a hundred pounds on her back, her shoulders aching for a break, but she pressed on. The throbbing lacerations that covered her torso were rubbed and irritated by the heaviness of her bag and the fabric of a worn, pilling shirt with every step she took, a burning sensation settling under her skin and smoldering her flesh. Blisters throb at the back of her heels, making the trek feel longer than it is.

Silence crept up on her and if she hadn’t been listening for infected, she’s sure she would’ve gotten lost in the dark recesses of her mind that she couldn’t quite ignore anymore. It felt like her throat was closing up, like her body was trying to suffocate itself.

She breathed heavily, puffs of vapor swirling and dissipating into the air with her every exhale, the only thing that reminded her that she was alive. That this wasn’t a dream and that she was more than a walking corpse.

She dragged her feet and the more she walked, the longer she felt from the theater.

So much as existing felt impossible.

Days dragged by, even in the midst of mind-altering adrenaline rushes and near death experiences. Time seemed to have slowed itself down, no longer changing its tempo as it seemed less of a construct and became more real.

Every second she spent felt like a second wasted. Ellie believed that, if Joel were to be alive, he would’ve been disappointed. More-so than he already was.

Having to live with the thought that Joel died without an apology from Ellie tore her up both mentally and physically. Scratches and bruises reminded her of this grueling process of self-pity and a never-ending mental spiral that caused her to so blindly be thrown into danger. She hated herself for it. Joel would never hear her apology.

Joel died thinking she was angry at him.

Joel died thinking that, no matter what he could have done, she would’ve hated him in the end regardless.

Ellie was left behind in the mansion that day.

The woman who killed so many without so much as a second thought, who looked at her hands and thought of all the people who felt her cold, merciless grip instead of the arms of their loved ones around them before taking a last breath is not the girl who loved dinosaurs and space. Not the girl who’s been dead for months.

When she looked up and saw her reflection in an intact window that was embedded into the fractured wall of a bottom-floor apartment building, she didn’t recognize whoever stared back.

The monster that drilled holes into her eyes is not her.

Not Ellie.

If Joel was alive, he’d hate her. He’d look at her with disgust at what she had become.

She wouldn’t blame him.

[oh-my-may]

I finally got around to play Cosmo Canyon! Took me a while to get there bc family stuff and i was feeling a bit under the weather some days, but today I'll finish the protorelic quest and then do the side quests and that was it for Cosmo Canyon...

Thoughts on story: RED (or should I say Nanaki?) IS SO CUTE LEGIT A TEENAGE BOY TRYING TO PASS AS AN ADULT MAN the way I was hollering. The city is beautiful and very huge... Felt very overwhelmed when I first got there. Generally loved the focus on Red, had lots of questions about him originally. Now I wonder how old his kind can get if he's like 15 in human years but actually 48... huh. The story with his parents is pretty basic i guess? Didn't really blow me away, i could see the turning point coming from a mile away but it was very sweet nonetheless. Really enjoyed the gameplay during the trial, the Gi enemies WERE SO COOL. Also loved that we could scale walls with Red, I wish we could do that in the open world... The final boss almost kicked my ass because I'm not used to playing Barrett and Red actively, BUT THEY SLAYED. Shoutout to Titan, homeboy always comes through for me. Also couldn't help but be reminded of Genshin's Misty Dungeon event during the trial. And the mines of Moria. My weird interests meet in the most unusual of circumstances sometimes. My brain does that occasionally.

Also, the Gi Nantaak first scared the shit out of me. Then he kinda reminded me of Vision (you know, from Marvel) but that also wore off. The random sequence with Zack almost made me cry again. Whenever I see him on screen something just urges me to. Him and Biggs also looked so damn good during that entire scene I took so many screenshots 😭 I'm still so confused tho... Biggs ended up in Zack's timeline because of the Whispers/ the Wind for whatever reason? Really have no clue where they're going to take this part of the story, I just know it's going to hurt me so bad in the end.

I also let out an audible ' Hear me out' when they showed Seto... I'm not sorry.

On the exploration side of things... The flying chocobos are so confusing to me, I started the chocobo quest right as I landed in Cosmo Canyon and I immediately failed the first part because the controls as you fly are just??? Therefore everything that was placed so that you could only reach it through flying was a bit of a pain at first. I figured it out eventually, but i still haven't continued that quest... Also saw a bunch of people complain about this so at least I'm not the only one struggling lol.

Everything Else was very enjoyable tho. Go to explore team was Cloud, Aerith and Cait Sith this time and I gotta say Cait's Moogle Magic skill is busted I was so surprised when a full ass Ifrit suddenly stood on the field 😭 Bahamut Arisen was a surprisingly quick clear after I got all the Intel, Tifa just died in like the last minute. A worthy sacrifice tho. Immediately tried Bahamut while beating the Jabberwock, huge Dragon Battle was crazy insane to watch. He's busted. Put him on Cait for now.

I haven't finished the protorelic quest yet, but I didn't expect it to have this much lore right from the get go... So you're telling me Wedge is dead in Cloud's timeline???? Just like that?? The whispers killed him? MY BOY. Also Yuffie's friends (?) - the NPC's for that quest - immediately reminded me of Bella's High School friends in Twilight 😭💀 They just look like they belong in these movies idk

Now I wonder if the last two parts of the protorelic quest are gonna be as much a pain in the ass as Fort Condor was... I managed to clear the first two stages quite quickly so I hope it's gonna be okay with the AI helping me for the configuration part...

So that's that! Will definitely finish Cosmo Canyon tonight and then maybe start Chapter 11... Just a few more steps until meeting Vincent. Heard Chapter 11 was quite long so it'll probably take me the whole weekend to finish next to work and all. My goal of finising this game before easter is probably gonna be left unfulfilled... But I'd rather take my time.

Will add screenshots to this post after I get home from work!

[gfletcherjournals]

The Pain Journal: The Perils of Management

Most days I wake up at a 1 or 2. It's a big difference from before. It doesn't force me to bend over or hold the wall anymore. And still, it's like the jagged little band tied tightly where the spine meets the pelvis.

A few stretches and deep, steady breaths later, and I'm a different person. I'm a zero. But being at zero doesn't feel like being at zero when you know it's temporary. Over the course of a few hours the tightness returns.

But there are improvements. I used to be able to feel my muscles slither into position as they turned to stone. I don't feel that anymore. I get more warning now. I'm learning how to better stay ahead of it. I'm learning how to listen and respond to my body in better ways.

I stretch a minimum of 3 times a day at 15-20 reps a piece. I also take a few deep centering breaths before rising and rejoining the world.

Even after all this, I'm frustrated. I'm mad. I'm at a 1 or 2, but I want to be at a zero! I was at a zero shortly after my treatment started. I got about 12 hours of total freedom from pain followed by a gradual decline. We fight it. It fights back.

What if this is as good as it gets? What if this is my life now? What if I do everything I can, but we still hit a wall? I don't want to think about it.

They tell me to be grateful. People in chronic pain die all the time trying to get down to a 1 or a 2. I no longer take any NSAIDs, and I don't even get head or neck aches any more.

I'm trying to be grateful. I'm trying to remember that natural pain relief is the goal for nearly all patients in chronic pain. I can get myself almost completely out of pain, and just about anyone in chronic pain would give an arm or a leg to be able to escape their pain even if for a short time.

I was once a 3 with increasing periods of 4 or 5, and flares of 7 or 8 every couple of weeks to months. Now I am a 1 or a 2 with two to four hour windows of zero. I should be happy. I should be proud. I am happy, I guess. I am proud, I guess. But what good are happiness and pride when you just want to be free? I underestimated the psychological and emotional war that even a 1 or 2 can cause. It's worse than the depression of a 5 or a 6. Because you're so close. You can start to remember what pain free feels like, but you can't quite reach it. It's always just out of reach, taunting you, reminding you what is still beyond your limits.

Will that goal of being pain free grow even closer? Will it find its way into my grasp? Or will it slip further away? What does the future hold? More freedom, or more management? More enjoyment or just more vigilance?

And how long does everyone think I can keep this up? Will I still be sneaking off to a storage room 3 times a day to stretch out my back 10 years from now? There are so many questions. Questions I don't have the answers to. Questions I don't want to have the answers to honestly. Questions I'm too afraid to ask. Most times I'm me. I smile. I sing, dance, and feel limitless. But sometimes all I feel is overwhelmed and what rests behind this smile is a dark cloud.

[unfilterednth]

May 17, 2025

Today I went back to my old ways again, even after months of saying that I will change. I hurt a potential friend because of my fear, lack of accountability, desperate need of validation from them, and shame.

I feel shameful for hurting them because I couldn't accept and admit that I did them wrong. And I ended the contact because I am afraid of them seeing that I did wrong and I feel inadequate when I admit I made a mistake. Plus the lack of communication that I need space to process what they said, because it overwhelmed me. I became so clouded that I didn't see that they are also hurt by what I did. I had the choice of doing the right thing, and yet I still went on flight mode.

This reminds me of a friendship that I had many years ago. It also ended like this. Though, that one was most painful, because we were friends for 5 years. I realized that I was not over the hurt that I got there, and I didn't learn, because I repeated the same mistake again.

My new potential friend is now gone, and I am left to feel of hurt, but a lot of realizations. That I have to work on my issues and be proactive in making the same mistake again. I wrote this here to remind myself to be kind on this process, that there will be times that I'll fail again. I am not a bad friend. I mess up, but I can make it better. And it's okay to fall again, just remember to come back up and continue the work again.

[mediatechgroup]

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[thehandworld]

AI-less Whumptober - Day 14 - Concussion @ailesswhumptober Continued from here I believe... After this will have only one more in the White Room series... I believe LOL.

He didn't have a good position to stay, sitting or up, no matter which one, his body felt heavy, tired, and exhausted as he looked at Tsuna's body in the corner.

Gokudera blinked a few times, as he could see that Mukuro and Chrome were both quiet, probably because of the sudden change or the fact that their boss "disappeared" for them, whatever the reason, he appreciated the silence. The overwhelming senses invading him were so much that Gokudera kept very slow breaths, holding them as far as he could, just so he didn't have to smell the scent of blood and sweat.

Closing his eyes to avoid that overwhelming information, was all he could do, as he felt the cold wind hitting his skin, silence, there wasn't much he could do right now.

From a distance he heard an alarm, frowning slightly at that, it was an annoying sound, repeatedly, loudly, enough for the already overwhelmed storm to shiver and tremble. Wanting to pull his hands over his ears, but instead met with the sound of metal and wrist being pulled.

He could hear the explosions and probably more sounds happening but couldn't hear it. He could hear when a door opened to his far left, that is when he thought he was dead. Keeping his eyes closed he took deep breaths to calm down, there was no use in panic right now.

When the door was open he could smell the blood coming far more strong, which made him puke in front of him, his head hanging. Fuck, when was the last time he puked because of blood?! His body was so exhausted that he didn't notice when someone stopped in front of him. But he did notice when the cell bars fell off, making a loud sound of metal.

"Found you." Silent, stoic, emotionless, there was only one voice like that.

Hibari? Confusion as he blinked a few times, ultimately choosing to keep only his right eye open, he looked at the man in front of him, he was drenched in blood, and there weren't too many wounds on him, yet his face looked hurt. Or was the Storm impression after so long locked away.

"Quiet." Was the answer as he felt the man breaking the chains that held him to the wall, and then soon enough he was being held into his back, the sticky sensation of blood made Gokudera almost puke again trembling and shivering. "Try to hold down. Yamamoto Takeshi!"

Soon the Rain guardian was also there, looking between Gokudera and Hibari, he sighed that the other was alive. "Mukuro and Chrome are finishing up." As Yamamoto looked back at the stairs. "Want me to carry him?"

"Grab the body." The Cloud says it as he starts to walk with Gokudera behind his back, it feels weird to be carried by Hibari, but at the same time, it feels safe, maybe because he knows that he was protected that way. Or maybe because it reminded him of when they were young and there was that silent help between each other.

Whatever that was, Gokudera passed out in his arms, he couldn't understand his own body now, the overstimulation made his head too confused.

When he woke up again, he wasn't in a hospital bed as he thought he would be, he was in a classic Japanese room, the only indication of him being treated being the pole with a few IVs dripping in his arm, and a machine silently marking his blood pressure, heartbeat and so on.

Frowning slightly, he looked at the door giving to a classic garden, there was a smell of peach flowers, the gentle sound of a pound probably where there were fish swimming, and the breeze that got inside, it wasn't bad.

Another door slides open as he looks at the man. I knew it was you... Gokudera smiles gently, closing his eyes as he still feels overwhelmed and tired.

"Physically speaking you have a concussion, malnourishment, and dehydration. Other than that the doctors said you will be okay. But..." Hibari said quietly, sitting close to him properly and respectfully for a Japanese (seiza).

I know... I talked with Mukuro. As Gokudera looked outside. I'm still overstimulated... Just by this. The smell of the flowers, the sound of the water while the fish swims, I can even hear the noise in the machine. Even though I know there is barely one. The drip of the IV sounds like a pound in my head.

He closes his eyes, as he turns his head back at Hibari. Thank you though... Hayato smiles gently at the older, yawning next. I appreciate it a lot...

The cloud nodded at that, there wasn't much he could do now, other than be there to help in the rehabilitation, he already knew a bit and pieces that Mukuro and Chrome were talking about for them, a mental rehabilitation was harder than a physical one as they couldn't see the wounds or know when or not to push. Everything now would need to be treated with the most gentle care.

"So... Tell me... What you wanna do?"

Gokudera shook his head and then yawned. I need... Something with the most importance and urgency to be created. Watching the other nod before saying. In the Sistema C.A.I lenses, I need to have a program to distinguish between reality and illusions or at least be able to identify Mist's flames. The same I need it in my reading glasses and/or daily lenses. I don't care what it's... I really need it. Would help if there was a distinguishing for hallucinations too...

Hibari nodded, and although he wasn't sure if anyone in Vongola could create that, he would ask it and make it urgent. It would be bad if the Storm fell into an illusion because of trauma.

Hibari?

"Hm?"

Can you... Touch my head and keep your hand until I sleep?

That was very odd for the Storm to ask, but even so, the Cloud did it and quickly noticed how Gokudera calmed down and soon was passing out again.

With Tsuna gone, and Gokudera needing to recover, the work and everything fell under the guardians. All that Hibari could expect was that Tsuna's plan worked up, otherwise, everything would be for nothing.

[casinorabbit]

Even worse than being overwhelmed or growing numb from being so used to any kind of treatment, -or many ways of getting fucked- was the sensation of having sex with a lover for the first time. That moment in which she still believed in love. In which she only had eyes for her first partner…in which the genuine passion for one another was the one to guide them without caring for anything else.

Moments that made her feel bittersweet. She used to be a softer girl, convinced that there would be someone to take her heart forever, but what did she get in the long run? People stepping over that heart, using her, going with another when she wasn't looking, getting tired and bored of her…reminding her all the time that she wasn't enough.

That they only got close because she was pretty, a good fuck, popular and with a great future ahead of herself.

She felt as vulnerable as when she lost her virginity while in the witch's arms…and she hated it. She hated feeling that vulnerable again. Mainly because having someone make her feel like this, as if she could genuinely feel loved through all these lies was an addicting sensation.

She hated it.

"H-haaaaahn!~…H-HAH!~…H-HMNGH!~…G-GAAAHN!~"

Yuuna was a moaning mess at the moment, her whimpering in-between almost cute and innocent while her ass was filled and used; eyes starting to water more due to the mix of conflicting feelings inside her chest.

When another kiss came, the bunny girl reciprocated it with the same intensity, having difficulty to keep it up for long when she needed air, but letting her moans get muffled against the blonde's mouth.

For a moment, her mind really was enough clouded to the point she felt like this was love. But it wasn't. Her ideas of love and liking had already melted with the years.

But she wanted to believe, for a moment-

"H-HMNGAAAHN!~…J-Jea-" A tear finally rolls down her cheek when Jeanne removes her fingers from inside her wet entrance, whimpering even louder and taking a sharp breath when she could feel herself reaching a climax from everything even as those fingers left her; hips moving on their own, or attempting to do so, even if she was tied and squeezed by the tendrils around her body.

But then, she's forced to keep her eyes on the witch's own. Another tear sliding down her cheek as she stares into those intense and bright red eyes. They were no comfort, they may as well have been the eyes of a demon, and yet, her mind was racing with thoughts, her mouth stuttered to mumble something that made sense, and it was only when the mysterious something was pushed inside her pussy that she tried arching her head back a little.

"H-Hmngh!!~…I-I want to be yours!…p-please I want to be yours!…H-HAH!~…p-please J-Jeanne-sama!!…c-claim me-…f-fill me up…mark me…p-please-"

What the fuck was she saying? If she could get rational at the moment, she would be hitting herself for spurting something like that in the heat of the moment.

But she didn't have room to think rationally at the moment, not when it felt so good, when her mind was melting- this embrace being something she didn't want to end.

Little did she care about what entered her pussy, because anything that entered her from Jeanne would catapult her directly to Heaven.

"Oh my little bunny, you're supposed to ask for it~" Jeanne wasn't a fool, though her actions were rather mean. She purposely allowed that toy to slot in at such a smaller size, only for it to slowly expand and grow to what was needed.

The act of it doing so would be a slow working of Yuuna's rear to make it possible, but the pain was for a moment, entirely intended. At least until the need for the toy to lubricate itself, of course in the most intrusive way possible.

Never a normal function coming from Jeanne, it'd feel like the toy simply spurt the lubricants out, like it was cumming inside. At least for as surprising and uncomfortable as it might have been, the end result was a nice snug fit for the movement to follow. A deliberately very slow piston movement, automated to be moving all on it's own while Jeanne focused her attention on Yuuna.

"There you are.. buried down after so many years of sex. An innocent little bunny." Jeanne remarks, biting Yuuna's lip before another rather passionate kiss.

Her hand runs up Yuuna's head, she doesn't want to give the girl a moment to catch her breath, sharing repeated kisses, letting Yuuna really feel all the lovely things she's long since been numb to.

The feeling of that first kiss on a lovely date, the first bold moment of sharing tongues. The soft touch against her folders, and the lone digit that explores her body.

The slow pushes of that toy inside her rear, the tightening of the binding around her. It's memories of first times, maybe better times, maybe worse times.

Jeanne's hand leaves Yuuna's entrance, both of the clasping the poor girl's face as Jeanne rests with her. Truly almost like intense lovers, but there's not a shred of affection in those beloved red eyes.

Just endless red, a sinking pit of addiction. The eyes of someone that doesn't truly care for another's preferences, what or who they like. Just the need to see Yuuna's reactions as she crumbles into this vortex.

The witch forces Yuuna to stare at her, she doesn't allow the poor bunny to look down or anything. Even forcing those pupils to remain locked with Jeanne's as something thick and large pushes against her wet entrance.

Already so aroused, it merely slips right in. It's texture and heat or coolness is masked, the witch does not allow Yuuna the ability to tell what's just been pushed inside her wet entrance.

Is it the bindings? Like with her rear? Is it a toy? A strap perhaps, or maybe given how the witch has played with her body so far. The real thing, lacking any barriers someone like Yuuna may wish for.

"Come take a guess Yuuna.. you know something's inside. But I've robbed you of precise feeling.. don't worry I'm storing all those feelings up for you to take at once, but you need to guess. What is it~ What's it's shape, is it naughty? Where you naughty Yuuna? Devious in design maybe?

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Master - Chapter 18b

*Warning: Adult Content*  

I press my face against the clear glass to Master's special carrying machine he called a car, it wasn't that scary anymore because I got accustomed to being in it, I even liked it now. 

It was fast like Master, except I could actually see the things around us when it moved.

I didn't know where Master was taking me but it wasn't somewhere close to Arias' Malcolm's home because we didn't use the usual rode to get there. 

We were somewhere completely different now, somewhere that had a lot of buildings and a lot fewer trees.

It was pretty in its own way though and I couldn't stop looking out at all the different shapes and sizes of the buildings all around. 

Someone of them seemed to hide in the clouds, the top of them too high for me to see from the car machine.

There were also a lot of people walking everywhere, people that looked like me and Master but Master said they weren't because most of them were human. 

But there wasn't anyone who looked like Arias which made me smile, Arias was special and I didn't want to imagine anyone ever looking as nice as he did. 

  "If for any reason you feel uncomfortable or scared, just tell me and we'll go straight back home," Master says from the seat in front of me, his dark eyes meeting mine in the tiny mirror thing he used to spy on me. "You've spent little time with civilization so if you feel overwhelmed, you tell me and I take you back home okay?"

"Okay Master," I say before looking back outside, I liked it when it was just Master and me so I wouldn't lie about not liking it if I really didn't.

"If you see a symbol like the one I showed you of Diablos' followers, tell me immediately," Master says, his voice tight with quick anger. 

I nod for him to see and Master quickly continues. 

"And remember you can't call me Master out here," Master reminds me, his words making my smile falter. 

"Lincoln from the moment we step outside."

"Yes Master," I say stretching out the Master a little longer since I wouldn't be able to say it much longer. 

Master only laughs from the front as he turns off into a separate road, taking us to the surprise location without another word.

When the car machine stops, Master gets out first before coming for me, I knew to stay in the car and wait since Master liked taking care of me in this way and I loved it as well. 

I take Master's hand once I'm on my feet and stay close to him as he leads me away from the car machine and through all the small roads where people walked.

Looking around, I didn't know how some people did the walking by themselves and didn't get lost or scared. 

I couldn't even imagine trying to do it without Master holding my hand tightly and it was extra weird that not one of them wore collars. 

That meant that these were all bad slaves which only made me more scared because that meant that they were super mean or naughty.

"We've got two stops to make today but I think you'll like this one much more than the second," Master says as he walks us through an open gate that leads into a pretty area full of different paths and many flowers. "This is a botanical garden, it has many different types of flowers for you to see."

I beam up at Master, my fingers immediately squeezing down on his to stop me from getting too excited and popping all over to see it at once. 

Master had been spending time with me out in the gardens because he knew I loved flowers and I could already see some that we didn't have at home.

"Am I allowed to give Ma..." I clasp my lips shut and try again. "Am I allowed to give you kisses here?"

"Please do," Master says with a smile that I return before jumping into his arms to press my lips to his.

Master's arms wrap around my waist as he moulds his soft lips with mine, the connections causing sparks to erupt between us. 

When we part, I show Master my happiest smile before pressing a kiss to his nose, it made his nose wrinkle up before he sneezed a little so I did it again.

Not liking those kisses, Master puts me down but I only take his hand in mine again and pull him towards the nearest flower I could see. 

When we started to explore, my mind decided to only take in the flowers and nothing else, it was just me, Master and these pretty plants.

And I couldn't stop smiling as I darted around from flower to flower with Master, my heart fluttering up every time I saw a new one that I didn't even know existed before today. 

There were so many different types, purple ones, blue ones, white ones and red ones. 

They were everywhere and I felt like my heart would die from how happy it all made me.

I kept looking back at Master to show them to him because they weren't in his garden and maybe he hadn't seen them either. 

Every time I did, Master would smile and tell him he found them nice too, he liked the black ones best of all. 

Master made sure to help me with the names I couldn't say, taking the time to teach me how to say them right before letting me go to another.

Never ever ever had I thought that there could be so many different types of flowers but they were and I just wanted to keep them all forever. 

And Master even said there were even more in the world which just made me head do its own little pop.

We stopped again in front of a section full of bright green flowers that didn't really look like flowers from far away but there were. 

They had many layers coming out of it from the middle and curled out at their edges, I liked them a lot because they felt as soft as they looked.

"Green... chersannmodwm," I say trying to read the two words off the little piece of wood in front of it but the second word was way too long and looked a bit made up to me.

"Green Chrysanthemum flowers," Master corrects, saying the word so easily that it made me look silly. "Kri-san-thay-mom. It is a hard word, so don't feel discouraged."

I nod and push down my bad feelings, not letting myself say mean things about myself in my head and trying not to think that a good slave would know that word. 

Instead, I pull away from the green long-word flower and go to the next, focusing on the pretty flowers and nice smells instead.

Master promised that we could start growing some more flowers like the ones here in the garden, he said that we could clean it up and set it up for me if I wanted. 

So it was only right that I gave him extras kisses and hugs after that, promising myself to help Master make a big mess in me when we got home.

"Master, I really like this place," I announce with a smile. "It's one of my new favourite places in my whole life."

"I'm glad you like it so much," Master says kindly and I knew that he really meant that. "But I think that you're going to like it a lot more when you see that flower over there."

I turn to where Master was pointing and freeze when my eyes land on a big bed full of large yellow flowers that made me forget how to breathe. 

I was stuck in my place as I stared at them from my spot, they were tall and bunched together before spreading open at the top in long, yellow petals that were so bright and full that I felt weak. 

The centre was a dark brown that made the yellow look even brighter.

"It's called a sunflower," Master says next to me but his voice was just a little whisper to be because all I could see was the flower that was my favourite colour which made it my favourite flower. "Do you want to get a closer look?"

I nod but still didn't move which only made Master laugh. 

After a gentle push towards it, I let my feet take me over and everything in me came all out when I got closer and before I knew it I was squealing while I jumped up and down on my toes.

"It's yellow Master," I exclaim as I lean down to get as close to them as I could. "Yellow."

"Lincoln," Master reminds but he was smiling as he watched me try not to melt into the floor.

"Sorry... but it's a yellow flower," I whisper shout with overflowing excitement.

"I know," Master says as he leans over to pluck out one of the flowers, he twirls it in his fingers before he steps a little closer to put the flower into my hair. 

I try to stay still as Master put it there but my body couldn't stop moving and now Master was being extra sweet so it was super hard. 

"Beautiful," Master comments as he steps back.

The word made my face go hot so I turned back to all the sunflowers and couldn't help squealing again as I ran my eyes over them.

‘The best day ever.’

[carrot-felisidad]

Thinking of the fic in where Furihata Kouki brought Akashi Seijuurou to the groceries store and my boy got so excited but he got sensory overload because "There are many things!"

Just makes me happy thinking about it