#remember how people were talking about saving the post office because privatizing it would be AWFUL
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beepbeepmfkr · 1 day ago
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Well replies are restricted and that's a bit telling so time for me to be Annoying again :)
That's not how any of this works. And it feels like the replies are off so people can keep regurgitating this mindset so they feel better about their refusal to engage with a system that literally demands voter engagement to work on a substantial level. It's literally how it was made. No engagement or skewed engagement means skewed results. Pretty cut and dry.
Now. There's a few things to address here.
One. Executive orders are not bills. We are being flooded by what is essentially a Christmas List Of Shit The Executive Branch Wants Real Bad. The Christmas list is not real. The Christmas list will be challenged by the other branches of government and the Executive Branch might get a few throwaways from their Christmas list but they won't get the whole thing because that's not how any of this works.
Two - it feels slower when the Dems are in office because the Dems aren't sensationalizing every single thing they do and are instead just... Going about the system of democracy to put their plans in place. It takes longer to get things done when you respect the democratic process.
Also. Painting democratic terms as useless or as if they do nothing is just another way that far right groups drive wedges into the many groups that could ultimately keep them from power. It's not true. It's never been true. Go do a quick Google search and go see how many times we wound up with a right wing bastard as a president immediately after people complained about a "weak" democratic president. Seriously.
the last four years of democratic presidency has seen strides in environmental legislation, has seen civil infrastructure and social services bolster, has seen many of the executive orders that stuck around from Trump's first Christmas list overturned and done away with. They've done shit. People just don't know and don't care to know because it upsets the narrative that tells them they're actually so morally justified and pure for folding their arms and turning their noses up at civic responsibility like a toddler given a plate of brussel sprouts at dinner time. It's silly. It's childish. We walk around with too much access to knowledge for this level of willful ignorance to be This Common
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agriftatsea · 1 year ago
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Another day, another slew of posts from people calling for a boycott of the United States Election as a method of campaigning for change. (Refusing to participate in your shitty democracy will not actually improve the democracy btw) So! Here's a reminder that half of the country seems hellbent on re-instating a guy who is truly, comically worse than 'Genocide Joe' and it sounds like we need a reminder on how bad he was the first time.
List of horrible things Trump did in office, in no particular order:
Pulled out of the Paris Accord, claiming that climate change was not a big enough concern
Slashed regulations in safety and environmental impact in nearly every industry, some of which Biden has re-instated
Put Betsy DeVos in charge of education where she funneled money from public schools to private Christian schools and who got slammed in a class action lawsuit for her unwillingness to forgive fraudulent student loans
Put two judges on the Supreme Court which then went to repeal Roe vs Wade
Constantly downplayed COVID-19, incorrectly claimed 85% of people who wore masks got COVID anyway to justify why he didn't wear one when it messed up his spray tan, and overall horribly handled the pandemic in a way that still affects people every day
Scaled back SNAP (food stamps) to ‘save taxpayers money’ affecting 700,000 people
Pulled troops out of the Syria-Turkey border without consulting Congress or the Pentagon, leaving hundreds of thousands of people to die or be bombed
This is not even close to everything he did, because we’re still investigating what he did with all those classified documents (though even Fox News is worried that the deaths of dozens of international agents were a result of Trump leaking their identities to his foreign friends) and he keeps talking about how he wants to make himself President for Life. Even if we did somehow manage to elect a third party President, they wouldn't be able to do anything without getting all of the Dems and all of the GOPs on their side, and if you think that a centrist like Biden hasn't gotten much done you are not prepared for the nothing that Jill Stein will do if we get her elected.
“But all of our options are shit!”
I know! But one of our options is a con artist and a rapist who keeps insisting his ex-President status makes him immune to any prosecution, and the other is a union-supporting old man heading a government that is currently unified in allowing genocide. If you’re going to insist on throwing your vote away, keep in mind the thousands of people still attending Trump's rallies who have already proven they will show up in some of the worst winter weather conditions ever to prove their loyalty and think about what it would be like if we had to deal with them forever.
"Why can't we just burn it all down and start over?"
A civil war (because that's what it would be) would cause even more damage to vulnerable populations, and if you are wanting to mitigate harm you have to do the boring shit like vote and volunteer and talk to your neighbors. Life isn't a Marvel movie. The good guys aren't the ones with with the giant robots, and we can't save the world in 210 minutes with some vindicating violence and perfectly timed explosions. Changing the world is slow, and messy, and involves more 'being civil with e people you don't initially agree with' than anyone wants to make a movie about.
But if Trump gets the presidency back, he is never going away. As one of the biggest and most powerful nations in the world, this is not a risk we can take. We have a responsibility to the rest of the world to not blow this election in a fit of (justified) outrage.
Remember Reagan? How a celebrity got to be president and ruined so many people's lives decades after his death, including horribly mishandling a pandemic because treating it like an illness and not a punishment/inconvenience wasn't on his agenda? Do we really wanna go through that again?
Vote blue. Even slow progress is progress.
Don't give up.
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thea-dacity · 2 years ago
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I had to make a separate tumblr for this because my roommates follow me on all my social media, and I cannot make this post there because my roommate will see it, and I cant fudge the details enough that she wont know it's about her. But I need somewhere to vent because if i dont i will explode, even if my usual support group wont be there to help.
4 years ago, my girlfriend and I decided that we were going to live together with another couple in a rental home and split the rent 4 ways. Rent in our area is stupidly high, and I was struggling to make rent, so this seemed like a good deal for all of us.
Lots of details here are not important because if I nailed it to the church door like I want to it would take weeks.
For the first year, we were doing really well. All four of us had jobs, even if the pay wasnt stellar. But between the four of us, paying all our expenses was easy and I was even starting to save.
Then. Roommate A lost her job. Its alright. People lose jobs. It happens.
Then. COVID. Which was not alright, and I think that while it's not the root of all our problems it was definitely a contributing factor.
I want to talk about A for a minute. A suffered a lot of emotional abuse from her mother growing up. She goes to therapy for it, she's taking medications, we're to believe that shes working through her problems at some kind of pace. I'm being pretty understanding that recovery ain't a straight line. Plus, we've met her mother and her mom is absolutely a bitch.
She's very jealous that the rest of us have parents that arent narcissists and abusers, but it's not like we dont all have our own host's of problems (whole house is a concoction of adhd, autism, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders).
Every year, A will throw some kind of tantrum. The first time, it was because I said something about how I felt shoved in a corner. Me, my girlfriend, and Roommate B (A's partner) all shared an office together.
A's former remote job required her to have privacy, so it was agreed that she would get an office to herself. But B's job also required privacy, she they got the nook that we were using as our craft room, and we just agreed to be conscious of her privacy during work hours.
This didnt last very long. I couldnt use my computer to play music very loud and my girlfriend couldn't use the space to sew. And I felt, as I said, shoved in a corner.
So I asked in our house chat if we could reconfigure the working scenario because I felt like I wasnt... given proper space to work.
Didnt even mention A, but A went on a tirade about it- wrote up a whole screed about how she was the bad guy and then locked herself in the office (remember, at this time she was not working from there) and didnt talk to us for three days.
We worked out a solution where B works from the closet of their bedroom in a makeshift cubicle, the nook goes to me and Girlfriend, and A gets the office to herself... for some reason. Eventually this turned into their game room.
But it kind of set the tone that at least once a year this 40 year old throws a hissy fit about something and then doesnt apologize.
Again. I'm trying to be understanding of her situation, but there are days where I have to walk on eggshells.
Well... it's that time again.
Rough update of the events preceeding:
I quit my toxic job awhile back and started a new career as a photographer, which requires a lot of equipment. This job does not make a lot of money and theres a few months where I have to find extra work just to make ends meet.
Girlfriend lost her job and has been deeply depressed, and money issues mean that we are privately going through a rough patch during the slow season. My emotion s are... kind of haywire right now and I'm trying to make it work, but it's hard.
B got a promotion, enough that they can afford a starter home, possibly. They're trying, anyways.
A only leaves the house for doctor's appointments and house showings. She hurt her back some years ago and she hasnt been able to find a job.
After failing to find either a house to buy or an apartment to rent, girlfriend and I decided to stay in the current place. A and B are trying (and failing) to find a house of their own because the market is... very tight right now.
A cant contribute to the move monetarily and has anxiety about not being ready to move when the time co.es (even if it takes a whole month to close on a house.) She started packing in February. Its May, now, and no sign of any move to come, but the amount of boxes in our house would make you think they're moving out tomorrow.
So my stuff is crammed in the craft room (because she asked me to move my stuff out of the garage so she could use the garage as an exercise room, which never happened) a d there's boxes everywhere, making it difficult to get to my stuff to organize it. And she wont put her stuff in the garage because 'theres mice in there' even if her solution to my stuff is to put it in the garage. Its frustrating to live in a place where you cant use the furniture because its covered in boxes.
But let me back up a little because today's tantrum has details.
Last October, I accidentally backed into Bs car. Damage was a crack in the bumper, which I didn't think was a big deal, I offered to pay for it, but B went through insurance instead, which meant I almost lost my insurance. But they didnt pay for any of it, and it was a minor inconvenience- and in any case it was between the two of us, no hard feelings.
B asked if, in the future, I could park on the street, because their car is newer than mine and not as sturdy as my older car, to prevent any future mishaps. I decided this was fair.
Now I think we're up to speed.
My car had a coolant leak this past week and the car overheated. I took it to a mechanic to take care of, but it took a few days and they got me a rental so I could still do my job. And today was the last day of me having it.
B was at the office today, so their parking spot in the driveway was empty. My task today was to return the photo equipment to our main office and since the bags are heavy I decided to park in the driveway just so I could get my stuff in.
I realized as it was sitting there that the grill of the car kind of made a funny face, so I snapped a pic of it and shared it on tumblr before driving off.
So because A follows me on tumblr, she saw the pic and had something to say about it:
"Please dont park next to me. You backed into (B's) car and we just got it fixed."
There's like 3 feet clearance between our cars. I was only there for half an hour. In fact, I was away from the house when she put that in the house chat and didnt respond right away. Girlfriend actually came to my defense first.
"there's no call for that. 1) his implies that (tgea) makes a habit of driving recklessly, which is untrue and 2) the rental is in the driveway to make sure IT doesn't get damaged 3) why is (thea) not allowed to uise the #!%^$% driveway"
And B offered to park behind her car, which was not the point, since my car wasnt parked there anymore. The problem is that B always wants to negotiate and see both sides of a problem, but sometimes one side is simply being unreasonable.
And it really is just fucking ridiculous- I pay rent here, I should be able to park in my drive way for 30 minutes without scrutiny.
Girlfriend told her off in person as well, that she was being fucking ridiculous. I dont know what all she said, but A hasnt talked to me since getting back from the mechanic.
Since moving in here, I never really got the sense that this I was welcome. Like... yeah I live here, but this is A's house, not mine. I'm a tool to be used so she doesnt have to pay rent or cook dinner. Like... I've got my own mental issues, you know? I have self worth problems that this is feeding and I feel like I'm a pest that does inconvenient things like make messes and thats why I'm only allowed in our bedroom, our office nook, and the garage. Like that's why she keeps putting my stuff in the garage- I'm like one of the mice.
These tantrums dont happen on their own, usually. What typically happens is shes in a bad mood because she was eavesdropping on a conversation where i said something she didnt like and is looking for a reason to be mad.
And the only thing that I can think of is that this morning I had a conversation with B about how we had a lot of duplicate items in the cupboard and I was trying to plan meals around the things we have excess of, one of which was an ingredient that only she uses, typically. And that food is expensive and we should try to budget a bit more carefully. Which doesnt seem like the kind of thing that someone might get vindictive about, but guilt does weird shit to your brain.
Unless, of course, she was somehow listening in on the conversation I had with Girlfriend about how I need to put my foot down about food expenses and say that I shouldn't be paying for their convenience foods (premade salads, frozen burritos, bolthouse drinks) or her bougie food choices (pepperidge farm bread, Annie's mac n cheese, brown eggs only, cant buy store brand anything) because when I'm working I rarely eat any of the food that comes in the house.
The walls here are thin, sometimes I hear them arguing. But we keep our voices down, and if the comments I made in my own room, which is one of the FEW places I have to myself, made her mad- then she should have said something about that instead of forbidding me from parking three feet away from her precious Kia that she never drives, in my OWN FUCKING DRIVEWAY of my OWN FUCKING HOUSE.
I'm trying not to go crazy here, but shes making it very hard, and I feel like vermin. Vermin that pays half the rent and makes all her food.
Anyway, I feel a little better having talked about it, but after that I dont know what to do because if I bring it up that she was being unreasonable, then she'll find something else to treat me like shit over and we get back to the eggshell cycle.
I want to block her on tumblr so I can even talk about it where my friends are, but if I do that and she figures out that I blocked her it's going to make this house absolute hell.
I'm literally screaming inside.
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jaskiersvalley · 3 years ago
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Your safari au. Please. I need it. Water my crops with tigers and hyenas and witchers. Grabby hands and pleading faces in abundance here.
You are after my heart, Nonnie. And considering I've only talked about the Safari AU on Novigrad, I will happily assume you're lurking on there and I love you for it. Tweaked a little to add in a hyena just for you.
Lions and Tigers and Bears
Taking over a park was no easy feat, especially not when it came with a reputation like Nilfgaard had. Eskel scratched his head as he poured over the various financial reports, wondering just how much of it could be trusted. The problem was Nilfgaard had been a shining beacon in the animal conservation world, exceptional facilities, high enrichment for the animals and a successful rehabilitation rate. If there was ever an animal in need of a place, Nilfgaard had been first choice for years. All that came tumbling down in light of the revelation that Nilfgaard had been trading illegally, their animals sold to private owners as exotic pets or, even worse, hunters who wanted a guaranteed, easy kill. The place had been shut down immediately, a skeleton crew kept on to tend to the animals but nothing more. Management was on trial and Kaer Morhen had won the bid to take over. Though small and mostly unknown, nobody else had wanted to touch the remnants of Nilfgaard so they were quite uncontested in their bid. What had seemed like a good idea at the time, an noble because it was in the interest of the animals, now was an absolute headache.
Between the three of them, Geralt, Eskel and Lambert could split most of the urgent work. They had Jaskier working on rebranding, Yennefer managing the board and Vesemir as the head. It left them free to run the day to day of the park, learning the animals as well as the people who they had kept on. But they were going to need more people to actually help the place flourish and regain its standing in the community. Which meant asking the heads of departments for who should be kept on and what roles to recruit for from scratch. The easy ones were things like hospitality, Zoltan had a firm grip on the needs of the park and its visitors, knew all the catering firms and how to run a tight ship. So it was one less headache for them. Eredin had stepped up as Head of Security readily once it was proven he had no knowledge of the animal smuggling. Again, his familiarity with the park was a boon, as were his connections, putting together a security team that could be trusted. Much more messy was the animal welfare section. Fringilla, much like Eredin, had stepped up to become interim Head Zookeeper and was doing her best. While they were understaffed, Geralt, Eskel and Lambert helped out where they could but much of their time was spent getting to know the routine of the park and its many animals.
"We need to know who we can trust," Lambert grumbled, leaning over the table where they had personnel files open. "It's impossible to know who was in on things and who wasn't."
Though, in all likelihood, none of the lower level workers knew that when they helped usher one of their beloved animals into a crate, they weren't sending them off to another facility or a happily ever after. But it was something they just couldn't risk.
"May I?" Fringilla asked, eyes roving over all the files. At Geralt's gesture, she began pulling some of them out. "You'll want Triss, she was a vet here, promote her to senior or chief or whatever you call it. She's solid. And Sabrina, she's great, works well with Triss. Retain Istredd, Mousesack, Calanthe and Eist too. oh, and Letho for the reptile house." As she spoke, she kept looking with a small frown.
"Missing someone?" Eskel asked. Nodding, Fringilla frowned. Without much care for manners, she walked to the cupboards and began pulling out files until she hit the folder of resignations and terminations. From there, she pulled out one last file.
"You'll want him."
The folder was taken from her and the three peered at it with varying levels of frowns.
"You want us to hire someone who was terminated for gross misconduct? Whose notes suggest he abused animals and has blacklisted from working with animals?"
"No. I want you to meet the whistle-blower. Cahir's the one who found out about the trafficking and reported it. Nilfgaard didn't take kindly to it and retaliated."
Not sold on the idea, Lambert crossed his arms over his chest. "His file doesn't look exceptional. Personally, if he applied for a job, I'm not sure he shines enough to even be called in for an interview."
It was a sentiment echoed by the other two and Fringilla had to fight to hold back a sneer. "Invite him in and judge for yourselves. Just because his record doesn't have a quantifiable or gradable measure of commitment doesn't mean he won't be fantastic. If we ever have a new animal in that doesn't need to stay hospitalised, I wouldn't want anyone but Cahir to help settle it in. Especially the younger ones and babies."
Against their better judgement, the three decided to follow Fringilla's advice and e-mailed Cahir an interview offer. The reply was terse but assured them that he would be there at the agreed time.
First impressions were, to put gently, not great. Cahir looked rumpled, bags under his eyes and his attitude was rather sullen. It didn't bode well as they sat in the office, Cahir an odd mix of defiant and subservient. At least Fringilla had the grace to push the interview forward as much as she could until even she sighed and leaned back.
"Why don't we walk through some of the enclosures? Make sure you still remember what's where."
As they walked, Eskel ended up next to Cahir, who seemed content to not talk. That didn't stop Eskel from trying to initiate conversation.
"So, what have you been doing in the three months since you left here?"
"Tried to survive."
The blunt answer had Eskel blinking, there were many things he expected but not that. "Oh?"
For the first time Cahir actually looked at him, sadness bleeding through his half glare. "I used to live on site, worked for Nilfgaard from the age of 15, took a full time post at 18 and moved into the small cottage in the southern corner of the land. They fired me, I lost everything."
An uncomfortable silence settled between them as Eskel tried to figure out just how much of Cahir's so story was an exaggeration. "Have you been living with friends then?"
"For a few weeks, yeah." Cahir actually scoffed. "I've been trying to get a job and living in a hostel off savings. Turns out, only having in-house qualifications does not bode well for prospects in the world at large."
Fringilla led them into an enclosure where the grass was high. From the looks and smells, Eskel would have guessed it was a tiger's habitat but he wasn't familiar enough with the park yet to know. He would have hesitated going in, especially in a group like they were but Eskel had to trust Fringilla as she came to a stop and they stood in a loose circle.
The house Cahir had mentioned was one Eskel was familiar with. They had often wondered why it was empty yet well kept. It had felt like a life interrupted when they had a look round, nothing personal there yet it didn't have the empty, unlived-in feel of a show home. In a way, Eskel was regretting just how poorly Cahir's interview was going because he could easily see them offering his house back as part of a contract.
"So why are we here?" Lambert's words broke Eskel's reverie. "I thought we wanted to go on a walk."
It was by pure chance that Eskel caught Fringilla's smirk at Cahir and the slightest softening of that stern expression in return. Clicking his tongue, Cahir shot Lambert a look. "Tell me, have you ever been stalked by a tiger before?"
"No."
"You sure about that?" Cahir clicked his tongue twice and the world burst into motion. From the long grass a tiger pounced and Eskel was not ashamed to admit he let out a surprised yell. He wasn't the only one though, Lambert gasping, hand at his mouth and shoulders up as the tiger took Cahir out. They went tumbling and only Geralt looked like he might lurch into action, taking half a step towards the animal and Cahir. It would have been hopeless though, the two were wrestling on the ground until Cahir was on his back, tiger hunched above him.
The first thing Eskel noticed was how Cahir's face was creased into a happy grin. He looked younger, relaxed and happy ever as the tiger licked a large stripe from jaw, up his chin to his hairline. All Cahir did was laugh.
"Yes, yes, I missed you too, Princess," he said. fingers loosened from the fur in the tiger's neck and petted along her nose with the ease of familiarity.
"What the actual fuck?!" Lambert all but screeched. "What the fuckity fucking fuck?"
Eskel had the sense to look to Fringilla for answers, even if he wanted to watch Cahir with the tiger. The change in the man wasn't something he could have predicted. Gone was the sullen, defensive and standoffish air, replaced by an easy smile and a look of serene happiness as Cahir looked at the tiger, checking her over out of habit, muttering about dirty ears and mucky paws as he went.
"That is what you won't ever learn from a CV and qualifications," Fringilla said. She was absolutely looking smug. "Princess came to us at 9 months old, from a circus. Had terrible separation anxiety and a host of other issues too. She wasn't doing well despite our best efforts. At least, not until Cahir took her home and cared for her during the nights rather than leave her in a hospital cage. He introduced her to independence, slept out in the open with her for a few weeks when she was ready to transition to outdoors." Much more quietly, she added, "She's not the only animal he'd done that for. To find out some of his beloved children have been sold hit him hard. I don't think I'd ever seen him cry before then."
Turning back, Eskel watched as Cahir was sat on the ground, tiger with her back to him. The slightly strained "oh no you don't" from Cahir was lost as the tiger pushed up onto her hind legs and flopped backwards. Had she been smaller, Cahir would have probably caught her like a baby. As it was, he grunted as the weight crashed across his legs and he had a happily chuffing tiger's belly to tickle.
"I assume you'd vouch for him?" Geralt asked.
"In a heartbeat." Fringilla grinned at Cahir but it was lost on him, so focused on Princess as he was. The others might as well have stopped existing. That was the moment Eskel knew his heart was in danger. It didn't get easier as time went on. Hiring Cahir was proving to be a good decision. He just got on with the work, never finding anything distasteful or below him to do. If it needed doing, he got it done.
Over time he opened up too, Eskel found himself wandering down to the southern corner of the park to the little house that was now full of life. He got used to Cahir usually having a baby or two in his care. Sometimes he babysat for Letho's hatchlings, content to have baby snakes trying to look around his arms as they learned how to cope with being handled. The friendship between the two was one Eskel couldn't claim to understand but they seemed to make it work.
"Knock knock," he announced himself by the open back door.
"Come on in," Cahir called as he wandered out of the kitchen. "I'm just finishing making dinner, care to join me?"
That was new too, Cahir was inviting Eskel into his life more and more. It made Eskel feel even better about what he was planning to ask at Fringilla's instructions.
"I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. There's a new arrival that we think will need your assistance."
Cahir cocked an eyebrow and held up an empty plate in question again. At Eskel's nod he began loading. "Anything you can tell me about it?"
"Not much. Private collector got raided, had a few animals in his less than tender care."
"So they'll be part socialised, part traumatised. I can work with that."
Somehow, Eskel had no doubts about that. But he was holding back some information because Fringilla had told him to keep it a surprise. The next morning the transport van rolled in, a small group of them ready to handle the newest arrivals. There were a couple of pythons for Letho to bring into his fold, a parrot for Guxart to train into swearing. Last was a large crate. As interesting as it was, Eskel's eyes were on Cahir, the way his nostrils flared as he caught scent of the hyena. The box opened and the animal cautiously peered out.
"Dave!" Cahir exclaimed, all semblance of quiet professionalism gone as he hopped off the top of the crate he'd helped open.
If his reaction had been exuberant, it was nothing compared to the hyena's. They collided next to the box, all over each other.
"I missed you buddy." There were tears running down Cahir's cheeks as Dave alternated between butting into him and running tight, excited circles around him before settling down and trying to bodily press into him. Glancing up, Cahir gave Fringilla a wobbly smile. "How did you find her?"
Her? Last Eskel checked, Dave was a male name. Still, he wasn't going to interrupt the tender reunion with such a dumb question.
"She was part of a collector's hoard. Didn't have the right permits so he was made to give her up to those who could offer her proper care."
A broken "thank you" was whispered in her direction before Cahir buried his face in the hyena's neck. Eskel watched with so many questions. Thankfully Fringilla didn't miss that fact.
"She was born in captivity, originally assumed to be a boy, needed to be hand reared after mum rejected her. She never understood that she wasn't human and as a result has spent most of her life living with Cahir. We've tried so often to introduce her to a pack but she never took to them, content to stay with them for a day, two at a push before she starts pining. When Nilfgaard sold her, that's when Cahir got suspicious, did some digging and realised she hadn't gone to another park. So Dave is a catalyst for this whole fiasco if you will."
Watching them, Eskel nodded. He had a hyena to befriend if he wanted to keep Cahir in his life it would seem.
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actlikeyoudidntdoit · 4 years ago
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ASSASSIN’S MODERN DAY PROFESSIONS
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ALTAÏR
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College Professor
-We all know that Altaïr has spent most of his life teaching, so what better job does he have than a college professor?
-He knows what he’s talking about, that much is certain, but sometimes he gets a little too lost in his lesson to realize that his students are scratching their heads. So it’s normal to have students staying after class, but they leave understanding every word of what he said.
-He’s not the fun teacher, but he’ll be able to teach you what you need and still remember it at the end of the day.
-He’s pretty lenient, and even with the obnoxious students who cause a scene, he calmly gets them to at least do their work.
-Other teachers always use him as a reference when it comes to the perfect teacher.
EZIO AUDITORE
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-I can see Ezio being a public speaker since he’s not all that scared of crowds and spends a lot of time giving advice, so I think he’d really enjoy being able to help a crowd of people whose lives are falling apart
-Ezio would be the single anchor in a sea of storms because he always seems to have an answer for everything. He’s a man whose words are turned into inspirational quotes that people hang on their walls.
-When he says that things will be okay, no one doubts him since they know that he lost his father and his brothers very early on and that it took years for Ezio to accept the loss the way he had. If he could soldier through it, why couldn’t they?
-He doesn’t involve himself in politics, finding them to be a waste of time and breath despite how many people ask for his input on the political status of the country he’s staying in.
-He speaks to a lot of people in private, letting them speak their minds and giving his advice if they want it. He’s a therapist without a license, and you always feel hopeful about life leaving his office.
Connor
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Construction or Sports
-This boy was designed for heavy work, and I’ve heard some good points in saying that not only would he be amazing at sports, but he’d also really enjoy it too.
-In my personal headcanon, I think he’d be a good construction worker as well. Not the high end kind that build skyscrapers or anything, but I can see him building simple houses for small communities, taking the lower jobs that can’t afford much help like the sweetheart he is. He definitely volunteers to make houses for the homeless.
-Since most of the homeless he helps don’t have much money, he makes sure to offer them baked goods because he’s definitely a baker.
Edward Kenway
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-As a young man, he joins the navy
-Once he’s on his own, he buys his own boat and treats it like royalty.
-He’s not a pirate himself, but he does let less legal people on board for a price. At the time, it was just an easy cash pay since people paid good money when they were desperate.
-When he’s older and gets a grip on some of the people he’s helping (like the REALLY bad criminals) he quickly lets it go.
-Yet after seeing some of the more decent people and the places they were running from, I can see him being a sort of smuggler, but instead of smuggling drugs or weapons, he sells medicines, canned foods, and clothes to the regions where they’re scarce or hard to pay for.
-When he’s older and found a fortune over time, he starts up his own official charity, hiring various sailers to sail supplies to more places than he himself could alone.
SHAY CORMAC
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-Okay, I have to say it. Shay would DEFINITELY be an FBI spy. Maybe I haven’t thought of it as heavily as I could, but he just strikes me as a man who could kill someone in plain sight and still not be seen.
-He already knows everything he can about infiltrating and getting vital information
-He knows exactly how to manipulate people to get what he wants.
-He’s like Macgyver but as an agent.
-He does things that make sleeping at night impossible, but he tells himself that every long night for him is another person somewhere else having a peaceful night, and peaceful nights means he’s doing his job. Right?
-Constantly questions his morals, but he can’t bring himself to stop, not knowing that he’d do if he stopped, because at least here he’s doing something. He’s contributing.
-That and maybe I might or might not want to see Shay in a suit 🤷‍♀️
AVELINE
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-Actress. And a damn good one. She’s one of the kind of people who get paid millions each job and gives most of her cash on people who really need it. Not only that, she’s a fan favorite everywhere.
-She takes extra jobs in smaller businesses barely staying afloat, and public morality boosts has nothing to do with it. In fact, she keeps her fame life out of everything, choosing to see it just as another job.
-I can see her sharing similarities of Zendaya or Zoe Zaldana
ARNO DORIAN
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-High school teacher or actor, I can’t decide.
-Because let’s be honest, this guys brain is more wrinkled than a raisin. He knows his stuff.
-He’s good at simplifying what he’s saying, and that happens to be a very useful trait when it comes to teaching.
-If he was a teacher, he’d be a damn good one, that’s for sure. No one will fail his class because he’s so good at explaining things, and he’d be the one who actually cares for his students.
-When it comes to acting... just admit that Arno’s a theater boy through and through. If you need proof, he’s the only one with a crazy amount of fancy robes and colors. FOR GODS SAKE HE OWNS A THEATER! So on modern day, I could totally see him as an actor as well.
-He’d be the Ewan Mcgregor of the modern day, because everyone recognizes him from SOMEWHERE because he’s really tested his acting ability on multiple various roles. Well read, charming, and level headed, he’d totally rock being an actor. He’s good friends with Aveline, and when they both have time in their busy schedules, they stop by for coffee and fill each other in on their life.
JACOB
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-Boxing
-I saw the photoshops of Jacob in boxer life, and I have not been the same because oh my god that is amazing.
-but absolutely he’d be a boxer. He’s the shortest guy in the entire match, but he doesn’t need a stool to knock you on your ass before you can laugh about it.
-His opponents are lucky shattering bones is against the rules because he knows how to make someone wish their dad wore a condom.
-A lot of people think that his rounds must be rigged, and his sister had to physically hold him back every time Jacob threatened to give him a close up of how ‘rigged’ his fights were.
-Jacobs a powder keg, so it doesn’t take much to make him explode, and a lot of the less respectful people he has to fight picks particularly sore spots to do just that.
-He might be pissed, but his punch isn’t the only thing that stings. He knows exactly what words to use, and when they’ve gone too far, he doesn’t hold back.
-Might have a temper, but he has a good heart despite it all. He visits schools and completely turns his personality around with kids. He signs autographs, takes pictures, and makes sure that every one of them have a fun day because he knows that there’s some kids in this school that don’t have those kinds of days. He pays the school for field days each time, making sure they all get out. They bring out the scooters, parachutes, capture the flag, and ‘wrestling’ matches for the kids who want to face him. He loses every time. He never has a bigger smile on his face than when he has children fans walk up to him.
EVIE
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-She is totally a lawyer and you can’t change my mind.
-Logic and Facts are her strongest weapons, and so far she has yet to lose a debate.
-Every other lawyer knows that seeing Evie walk into court is an instant death sentence, because like her brother, her words are sharp as a knife and her mind is even sharper.
-If they didn’t look identical, no one would believe that she would be related with Jacob the hot headed boxer, because she was level as water and was near impossible to make angry, but god help the poor sod that presses her.
-Her clients almost always get the best case scenario with Evie by their side by how good she is.
-Also like her brother, children are her weak spot, and her hard composure melts whenever she needs to speak to a child in the witness post, making sure that the child feel comfortable unlike the others that drill the kid with questions when they’re too skittish to answer. She takes her time and gets the kid feeling safe, and gently asks their side.
-Evie might not do it as a profession, but Evie has beaten Jacob in the boxing ring in the gym. She knows damn well how to handle herself, knowing she’d need it since she’d be fighting corrupt politicians or gang members who have too often tried attempts at her life. Every time she emerged unscathed, using the attempt at even more evidence against them and insuring a spot in jail. No one dared try attacking her again after that.
BAYEK
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-I’m thinking police officer or motivational speaker for trauma.
-Either way, he’s a guardian who takes care of the people he’s in charge of. He knows words well, and having been down the dark path himself, he knows exactly what people experience and what they want to hear.
-Be the change you want to see in the world, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.
-He’d be a well respected officer, and he’s not afraid of telling off a comrade if someone is wrongfully accused. He’s not very popular in the police station, but as long as he’s doing his job, he’s satisfied.
-He’s saved several people over the course in his life, and his word is well honored since he’s on no ones side. He sees things as what they are and doesn’t twist events he disagreed with to his point of view. Even if it hurts him personally, he doesn’t lie.
-He’s divorced, but they’re still best friends with each other and visit when they can.
AYA (ran out of gifs. Sorry)
-She is hands down a self defense teacher for women
-She sells hidden self defense tools for less than ten dollars, always sure to keep constantly supply of them since many have confessed that they’ve saved them from dangerous situations.
-Like her former husband, she’s a protector and makes sure she provides her students with the best.
-She teaches children what to do if they ever get grabbed, and she’s had many parents in years thanking her when that information ended up saving their child’s life.
ALEXIOS
-Hands down he is a stunt double
- Preferably Arno’s since he relies more on flexibility than brute strength. Then there’s the fact that they look similar enough in features
-He does the moves that would probably be safer if they were just CGI, but he hates those computers with a passion, preferring to do the real thing instead of giving out something fake. He’s broken more bones than he can count, and the companies he works with always have a medic on standby when something goes wrong.
-They tried convincing him that they only needed him for a few spots, but after realizing that he wanted this (and him assuring them that he doesn’t bother with suing), they let him do his thing. The results are fruitful since the most nitpicky movie fans are absolutely thrilled when there’s a particular move done right.
-He teaches Arno a good few things about how to do action scenes, and they’re definitely good friends.
KASSANDRA
-Roller Derby
-She lives for throwing people and smacking them without being judged for it, so the Derby’s her safe spot.
-Everyone on the opposing team is terrified of her, always scared when they see her devilish smile, knowing that they’re about to get their asses handed to them. Like her brother, she’s an adrenaline junky, and when she’s not doing the derby, she’s going off into car races in a water trench. She’s surprisingly very good with cars too, knowing the inside and out of a car like the back of her hand.
-She loves it when men try to catcall her. It gives her a perfect opportunity to punch them in the face.
-She loves the races themselves because no one expects it. Sometimes she pretends to act like a beginner and absolutely slaughter them, giving them a nice wink before driving out with her cash.
-Only has a soft spot for the girl who visits her on weekends. She’s practically her older sister, and there will be hell to pay if her favorite kid gets hurt in any way.
EIVOR
-BACA(Bikers Against Child Abuse)
-The moment I saw this, I instantly thought about them.
-they would absolutely be a part of this
-Looking all badass in leather while turning into a softie for children? That’s Eivors entire character right there.
-Eivors not afraid to get physical with an abuser. They’d beat the abuser to a pulp and right after take the child out for ice cream.
-No one messes with Eivor, knowing that their lenience was stretched only for children. Anyone else tried to pressure her? Your teeth would be shattered and they’d wear the bits for a necklace.
-Children are much more brave around them because they’re tougher than their parent and on their side, so they’re not afraid to give them to the police
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otp-holic · 4 years ago
Text
The one place (where something happened) (A03)
“In your life there are a few places, or maybe only the one place, where something happened, and then there are all the other places.” Alice Munro. (or the one where they receive a letter from a familiar name and we go into 4Ks of fluff around a lost afternoon in France)
4K. Lamely explicit at one point. Fanfic + Pictures Inside. Trigger for FLUFF as the main plot. Part of the Never let us lose what we have gained series (AO3)
This was supposed to be a manip with 200 words of bantering and it's now 4Ks of fluff with a few pictures. I've decided to leave them inside the cut because I feel they work better with its context there. I'm sorry for the hassle, but I really hope you give this a chance... unless you have cavities, only like fics with amazing plots or are allergic to shameless fluff.
Please do not repost the pictures, I know this is futile, but… I try :)
DAGUERROTYPE, France 1944 Private Collection.
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Steve is cooling down from his very early run, enjoying the feeling of the pink sunrise looming over the awakening Brooklyn streets as he walks the last couple of blocks on the way home, when his phone beeps.
“Check your actual mailbox, we dropped something for you there. I think you should appreciate us making it old-fashioned just for you, grandpas!”
Steve smiles at Sam’s text and as soon as he arrives at their building he snaps a picture of the very common and flat envelope with “Barnes&Rogers” scribbled on top of a Stark Logo, to send along his response.
“Nice try, but this is inaccurate. A letter would have never made its way to us without an address or stamp. We’ll send you a proper thank you card to show you how it’s done.”
He can’t help but chuckle at his own joke rereading the text while he opens the door, and when he looks up from his phone and into the kitchen, he is received by a sleepy Bucky looking at the coffee machine like he looks at Steve during their most soft and embarrassingly cheesy moments.
“You love that thing more than you love me, confess it.”
“In the mornings? Yes. I don’t even like you in the mornings most of the time,” he answers matter of factly. “Want some?”
Steve playfully wiggles an eyebrow.
“No way. Your sweaty self is tempting, but coffee smells better. I might join you in the shower later.” Bucky offers him one of the two cups he has poured and he notices the envelope Steve is holding. “What is that?”
“We’ve got mail!” He hands it to Bucky. “I have no idea what's on it, but Sam texted me to say they had something delivered to our mailbox and there it was. Open it.”
Bucky leaves the cup on the counter, face sparked with a curiosity that makes him look twenty-one (and Steve weak on the knees), and goes for it.
The content is a bit underwhelming at first glance: Another envelope, white, no Stark logo, but topped with a bright green post-it with a note on Pepper’s script.
“This got to me via PR. We analyzed it and checked with the source (no peeking, I swear) and it seems legit. With that return address, it’s likely to arouse your interest. Love, P.”
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Bucky tears off the post-it and the letter is revealed to be addressed to Steve Rogers at the Stark Tower, but it is when they turn it around when everything goes still for a second.
The return address is some street in Marseille, but what has Steve’s mouth dry and Bucky’s hand trembling just a bit is the combination of the place and the name written on top: Emmanuelle Jaques Dernier.
“Boom?”, Bucky says, trying to cut through their heavy hearts and taking Steve’s hand. It’s a terrible terrible joke, but Dernier would have loved it and he grins.
“That’s a terrible terrible joke,” Steve verbalizes, “but I think at least we’ve reached the same conclusion.”
“Elementary, my dear Steve,” Bucky answers as he opens the second envelope, only to reveal a folded letter and yet another envelope. “It’s a fucking vault of paper!”
Steve takes the letter from him, unfolds it, and quickly scans it (normal office paper, printed, hand-signed) before he starts reading it out loud to Bucky’s undivided attention.
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“Dear Mr. Rogers,
My name is Emmanuelle Dernier and I am the great-grandson of Jaques Dernier of the Howling Commandos.
First, let me tell you that we all in our family grew up with amazing stories and praise for you, Sergeant Barnes, and the rest of the team. I never got to meet my great-grandfather or any of them (you), but I’ve always felt like I did.
In fact, that’s the ultimate reason behind this letter: I ached to honor him and I’ve been putting in order all his remaining letters, pictures, and memories so they don’t get lost forever, and there are many things I’m discovering through this journey. So many pictures and tiny details… and amongst them, you and the rest of the Commandos appear at the most random and memorable moments. Nothing that’s going to make it into history books, more like the stories my grandpa used to share with us over and over again, those important tidbits that make him more human.
Anyway, I was going through the pictures he kept when I came across some war photos that didn’t seem to match the 40s timeframe. Typical daguerreotypes from the 20s in a very bad state, probably taken with a camera from the era in 1944 and developed on a later date by somebody who clearly didn’t master the technique.
They were in a very bad state and hidden inside an envelope that said “Terribly drunk soldiers in France making idiots of ourselves in unique and creative ways. Fun evening, horrible hangover. About 20 miles west of the Maginot Line. Autumn ‘44”. I’m attaching a photocopy of that, I hope you can understand my decision to keep the original.
After restoring the daguerreotypes with some experts, all I got were five very bad pictures with silhouettes of people apparently having fun…. but there was one that got a lot better in the cleaning process that feels important somehow. I’m sending the original, as well as the restored version I got.
I, of course, don’t have the whole context, but I hope it brings back a good memory. My great-grandpa might be in the picture, but I don’t think this one belongs to my family or to a museum.
Thank you for your service, I really hope this letter finds its way to you.
E.Dernier.”
“I can’t believe… Steve, most days I’m convinced that day and that place are a figment of my imagination,” Bucky smiles, remembering. “When I think of a moment of pure joy during the war, I think about that afternoon in France, and it always feels unreal. A bubble of air and laughter while we were so surrounded by death.”
Steve nods, reminiscing about that warm and humid September morning when they arrived at yet another abandoned and destroyed little village, this one about twenty miles west of the Maginot Line. They had orders to lie low and wait for twenty-four hours before they started the maneuver to wipe another Hydra base off the map, and that little town was perfect for that.
Among bomb debris and fallen walls, they found one small building miraculously standing next to the remains of the church, so they decided to set camp under a roof for a change since the weather was being a little flickery with the rain, and they had the rare luxury of time.
The inside of the tiny house was as unusual as the outside: nothing was destroyed beyond being dusty and worn by time, and everything they found (furniture, kitchenware, and even fabrics) belonged more to Steve and Bucky’s early childhoods than to 1944, a living museum frozen in time.
Only it was not a museum, but the parish house left untouched and non-raided: old-fashioned clothes, outdated church books, yellowing clergy collars, and, of course, the wine cellar. Oh, that wine cellar… the havoc it unleashed.
“I remember the absolute excitement when Falsworth found all those bottles of old unscathed mass wine from the parish,” Steve brings his memory to words, looking at Bucky, “I’m still a little convinced that we are going to hell for drinking them.”
“Not for that, probably, but it was a wonder nobody died on the spot of wine poisoning, it tasted like sweet vinegar, ugh.”
“But it did his part, right? Took our minds off things; got us drunk, bold and silly.” Steve answers.
“Apparently not all of us,” Bucky says very seriously, looking at Steve.
“Technicalities… I got drunk by proxy. Seeing you all so happy made me giddy and tipsy, too.”
“I came and went… I remember being a little surprised at the clarity of my thoughts at some moments there when some of the guys were basically drooling on the floor. Now I understand, of course.”
Steve squeezes his hand, not much to be said there.
They were already way too drunk by the early afternoon, drinking to the sound of a sudden rainstorm pouring outside. All of them scattered across the small dusty living room and its adjoining kitchen while they went through all the bottles of wine they had been able to find. Cheering for the foregone priest every time somebody raised a glass, and laughing as if there were no ruins or war on the other side; just silly men (boys, really) laughing their hearts out.
“Earth to Steve… I don’t know about you, but I’m dying to see what the hell that envelope is hiding. Especially now that we know about its time stamp.”
“I’m sorry, me too! Gabe drunkenly handling that old camera and those glass plaques the way he did? I’m honestly impressed that he was able to take any pictures at all,” he muses. “Shit, is it weird that I’m nervous?”
“I’m gonna save us the bantering because I’m nervous, too,” Bucky answers in all sincerity. “Truth is, Steve, I remember everything about that day.”
It’s a new admission, a newly opened door for them because for some reason, they have never talked about that peaceful surreal afternoon, and Steve nods in recognition as he silently goes for the envelope one-handed, not wanting to let go of Bucky’s hand because his surface is way cooler than his wrenching insides. Maybe the picture is an overexposed french wall but maybe…
The photo he extracts from the envelope is clearly the original and damaged one Emmanuelle specified in his letter. Anybody else looking at it would see nothing beyond Dernier’s blurry profile, but since Steve and Bucky were there when this was taken, they know exactly what moment Steve is holding in his hand.
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“Buck,…” is all Steve can say, struck by the blurry keepsake.
Later in the afternoon when they had already consumed most of the wine and there was not a single coherent thought left in the room, one of the guys took the parish books and besottedly announced that there was a wedding set for today… thirty years ago. Alcohol fueled a goofy idea that escalated at the speed of light, with Morita saying they were going to a wedding because they deserved a celebration, Dernier confessing that he had once considered becoming a priest, and Dum-dum bringing out all the old fashioned clothes from the wardrobe and deciding they were getting nice and clean for the festivities.
“That’s clearly Dernier in the picture killing it in his priest role, right?” Bucky says, half smiling and interrupting Steve’s thoughts. “You know, I went all-in with that fake wedding party. I was laughing to tears when I saw you put on that ridiculously long and ill-fitting jacket from the 10s, feeling weightless and silly for the first time since sailing off, and God knows we all deserved that. And it was all safe and light-hearted until fucking Morita decided you had to be the groom, and...”
“Were you jealous because I won the dashing groom competition?”
Steve’s attempt at a joke is weak, but there’s truth behind it: Morita chose Steve as the groom (“Cap, you are the most dashing and the least drunk”) to a chorus of excited voices cheering for him. Somebody else, most likely Dum-Dum, chose the rest of the roles (Sarge, best man duty; Jones, camera; Morita, keep the wine flowing; the rest of you, misbehave!) and in the blink of an eye, they were all going outside laughing under a light rain, and about to celebrate Steve’s fictional wedding to nobody.
“How could I be jealous?” Bucky cuts in. “Do you remember all you said to me that afternoon? During World War II and in front of a battalion of men?”
“I was drunk.”
“Fuck you!” Bucky disentangles his hand from Steve’s to use both of them to hold Steve’s face and kiss him with violence. “Tell me. Do you remember what you said?”
As if he could ever forget. He can recall every step he took from the house to the makeshift wedding spot amidst the trees where his best man (looking dapper even in that ludicrous jacket) was laughing along Dernier. He can still smell the petrichor, can still sense the blush coloring his cheeks while hoping nobody noticed and can still hear the beating of his heart when Bucky handed him a battered umbrella (“You don’t deserve to get rained on your wedding day, punk”) and a fucking ring made out his shoelaces (“You’ll have to buy something a little more permanent.”). And then…
“Dernier started the ceremony and he wanted to know if I had somebody in mind and I said ‘of course’.” He replays, his voice barely a whisper. “I said I’d had my eyes on a brown-haired Brooklynite since before I could remember. I said that I was pretty sure those blue eyes were set on mine too and that hopefully those eyes would be set enough to want to marry me even if I had never dared to ask.”
He’s been holding Bucky’s gaze the whole time, and he’s far from over yet, but he needs to fucking breathe before he goes on. Neither of them has moved a muscle for the past minute.
“Then he asked me to repeat the wedding vows after him and…”
“And you said Buck, right?”, Bucky interrupts, voice winded. “You fucking whispered I take you, Buck, as my lawful wedded husband till the end of the line. I heard, Steve. Even if the rest of the world didn’t, I did. But you never said anything, so I always deemed it impossible, a product of the corniest nook of my mind trying to outweigh all those bad things, because not even you could be as bold, reckless, and mushy as to do that,…it’s my fucking fault, I should have known better!”
“Not completely reckless, pal. I was scared shitless as I said those words, but what else could I do? You were right by my side about to put a ring on my finger as my “best man”, everyone, including you, supposedly drunk past recollection, and everybody else too far away to hear my whispers. It was such an easy choice in the end because truth should always win over fear. And those vows were. The truth.”
“You have always been too honest for your own good, Rogers,” Bucky is breathless and exasperated and goes for his mouth again, bringing in all he (they) couldn’t in 1944. “You destroyed me, Steve. My knees were as weak as a teenager’s in front of his first crush. I wanted to kiss you so badly when I heard you say all that there in the open… and I couldn’t even acknowledge it.”
“I know. And for what it's worth, I really thought you didn’t remember.”
It is too much. Is it normal to feel this much? Steve would blame it on the serum enhancements, but he was already overwhelmed at 16, so that’s clearly not the answer.
He craves, no, he needs touching, grounding, closer. Bucky. There’s too much space between them even if they are back to kissing like they would have that day in 44, and at any other time if their own lives wouldn’t have stolen those moments from them.
“It happened.” Bucky whimpers, biting on Steve’s lip who abandons his own stool to straddle him, both of them gasping in sync at the feeling of their cocks, hard against each other’s through their soft pants.
Bucky soon ups the stakes by carding his metal hand through Steve’s hair pulling his head backwards to help himself into that spot on his neck.
“Same two moles as when you were tiny, as when we were at that war... Your cute vampire bite. Favorite spot.” He licks on them with the tip of his tongue. Steve growls on cue and Bucky giggles. “Favorite chain reaction.”
“Buck, you cheater, you know what that does to me!” Steve cries out followed by Bucky’s evil chuckle.”Bed, couch, countertop,…I don’t care, but naked. Now. Stained pants due to heavy petting are too much of a trip down memory lane for me. Let me keep a bit of my dignity.”
Steve stands up liberating Bucky from his grip but aching at the loss of contact.
They are naked and making out in the middle of the kitchen in no time; Bucky steadily pushing him against the refrigerator while fiercely grinding against his crotch.
“Hey, ‘teve,” Bucky pants. “The way this is going, it’s my dignity now that's at risk. I don’t think I can make it further than the floor before I come.”
Steve groans into his mouth just at the thought and they start sliding to the floor the best they can until he’s a human blanket moving over Bucky. With no lube at hand, and no time, that’s their best option.
They kiss and kiss and kiss, his hands not leaving Bucky’s sweaty hair. Bucky’s hands on his ass, forcing their groins closer with one while he (almost absently) plays around his hole with the other, driving Steve crazy in the process. Dicks left to do their own thing through pressure and friction. Everything is working. And fast.
“Oh, fuck!” Bucky exclaims “Can you promise me all this stuff with the letter was real and not a long-con plan to assure your fragile masculinity that I love you more than I love that espresso machine?”
That. That silly unfunny excuse of a joke that screams Bucky all over is what pushes Steve all the way over the edge. He fucking laughs as he comes making absolutely embarrassing sounds, pressing their foreheads and noses together until it hurts, and shaking from head to toe without stoping his pressure on the stupid and smug man under him. His lover. His partner. His unofficial husband. His best friend.
His Buck.
“There’s still too much blood in your brain if you can play that dirty,” Steve states, placing one hand between them grabbing Bucky’s hard cock. “Let’s see if I can do anything about it.”
“Your hand, usually so helpful, but I was already following you after that sound you make when you come and laugh at the same time, shit, it always goes straight to my dick, I’m,…” he keeps talking with difficulty between breaths and moans until he leaves his speech unfinished coming all over Steve’s fist.
They kiss on the lips breathing into each other before Steve rolls over. They are sticky and panting in silence, spread on their kitchen’s floor, Steve’s shoulders crushed between Bucky’s and the dishwasher. Domestic bliss at its most literal.
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One lavish fuck and two showers later they reemerge into the kitchen in search of something to eat: Bucky is in charge of the food today, while Steve cleans the mess they left a couple of hours ago.
He’s decluttering the counter when their damaged picture laying there puts a smile on his face but also reminds him of the restored version presumably still waiting inside the disregarded letter, so he grabs the envelope to retrieve its contents: one photocopy (from Dernier’s original writing), and the promised photo.
And it is restored. Everything is clear where it was blurry before: Dernier (so deep into his priest impersonation that he’s not even looking at them), the trees, the battered umbrella, the ridiculous jackets… and them.
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“You had the nerve to call me reckless and mushy, Buck?” Steve laughs as he stares at the picture where a very young Bucky is about to put a ring on his finger with the least subtle lovestruck expression he’s ever seen (“and it’s for you”, his brain proudly reminds him) “Wow, you might as well be kissing me there, anything would be more subtle than this!”
“Don’t shame me, you punk, especially not when you were the one responsible for breaking my brain back then!” Bucky answers coming from behind and stealing the picture from his hands to scrutinize it. Goofy grin and raging blush quickly taking over his face. “But you’re one to talk, Cap. You are gazing at that shoelace’s ring as if I were handing you a diamond tiara!”
Steve laughs softly at that and moves his right hand to his pocket, feeling the weight of the little compass he had retrieved earlier from one of his drawers. He used to carry it with him everywhere for comfort, but he has a better option now.
“Didn't you know that shoelaces are forever?” He asks, taking the compass out of his pocket and holding it in both hands as he opens it, nudging Bucky with his elbow to get his attention.
Bucky is confused for an instant while he looks at his young face staring at them from inside the little box. Of course he knew that (he made fun of Steve for days and days) but Steve detects the change in his expression when he notices the other thing.
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“Wow, you gigantic sap,” Bucky says, taking the compass out of his hands to double-check he is seeing what he thinks he’s seeing. “You saved my shoelace.”
He had. While they were all celebrating his wedding under the rain dancing to no music, he quietly slipped the little string off his finger and tied it to the most secure place he had back then.
“It’s not a shoelace, you jerk, it’s a symbol. A declaration.” He laughs, stealing the compass back to safely pocket it again.
“You are delusional,” Bucky snorts, kissing the top of his head. But he’s widely smiling and lost in thought as he goes back to their sandwiches.
Steve stays on the spot enjoying the peace in their silent companionship, his focus on the latest news showing up on his phone, the text he’s writing to Sam and the comforting sounds of Bucky moving around the kitchen.
“You might have married me, but I never actually married you.” Bucky blurts out of the blue a bit later, sitting by his side as he hands him a plate with a sandwich and some grilled greens on it. “Do you want mayo with that?”
“Uh?” Steve forgets all about the news and the text and looks at Bucky in confusion.
“Mayo, do you want some?” Bucky repeats nonchalantly.
“No mayo, thank you; but I was actually more interested in the other part, you know, that thing about marriage?”
Bucky looks him in the eye: earnest, blushing and with the same look of smug adoration he had on the picture.
“Oh, that part.” He jokes. “You apparently married me in 1944, but I never married you back. And I would like to.”
“Marry me?” Steve asks and Bucky visibly nods.
“I’m sorry for throwing the idea at you like this, books tell me I'm supposed to have candles, music, and a ring, but you showed me that restored picture and I couldn't stop thinking about it, about proof,” Bucky speaks uncharacteristically slow and very softly, voice trembling here and there while he claps his hand with Steve’s finger by finger for reassurance and as a distraction. “A single photo had the power to transform a moment that existed just as a made-up happy place inside my mind into something tangible and real. Something that would be tangible and real for anybody getting a hold on it and looking at our stupid faces.”
“So stealthy,” Steve says, and they both laugh together.
“Proof, Steve. I was slicing tomatoes and thinking how there’s so much evidence, thousands of files! out there proving that all the stuff that fuels my nightmares were real, but nothing solid about this. Us.” Bucky stops for a moment collecting his thoughts, still smiling even with the heavy subject he just dropped into the mix. “Sorry, I believe I put more time into these sandwiches than into thinking this all the way through so I’m…”
“Take your time, we’ve gone from mayo to marriage to nightmares in five minutes so don’t worry, you have me hooked here.”
Steve makes Bucky laugh again as he intended, and he feels their calloused laced fingers immediately squeezing closer.
“It’s stupid because it doesn’t change anything for us but,.. I don’t fucking know, Steve, I think that picture has messed up with my mind! I instantly found comfort in the idea of people finding facts beyond the nightmares now or in the future. An easy to understand, universal and oversimplified proof of how much I loved you and how much I was loved in return.” Bucky takes a breath and stares at him sporting a million-watt smile. “Marrying you,… I would really love that. And for real this time.”
“Ok, Buck.” Steve instantly replies, eagerness winning over thoughtful and heartfelt declarations. He tightens the grip on their joined hands to drive them to his lips and seals the easiest answer he’s ever had to give.
And it's done!Sorry for the cavities, for going on with the fic when it should have ended and for ending it where it might have had to keep going. It was painful and fun. I'm free!
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mooniefics · 4 years ago
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— gaps of sunlight
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pairing : armin arlert / reader
word count : 2.9k
tags : heavy angst, fluff (just for a moment lol), tragic romance, death, hurt / no comfort
warnings : detailed descriptions of injury to the reader
summary : every good thing must come to an end, you both knew that. but armin wished that it didn't have to happen like this every single time.
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— originally posted 2 / 1 / 21 on ao3 —
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armin had been absolutely glowing.
you couldn't get the image of his entranced expression when you saw the levi squad approaching from atop his horse, flushed cheeks and gleaming eyes framed by fair, blonde hair. he was shining in the light of the setting sun, barely pulling his steed to a stop before he was clambering off of it, dashing over to throw his arms around you. he was so warm, nearly squeezing all your breath out of you as he laughed, a sound full of wonder and delight, a cold, briny scent clinging to his skin and clothes.
"the ocean." he said breathlessly, burying his face into your shoulder, smiling into you, "we saw it. we saw the ocean."
but as the evening had wound down, your friend still seeming to be digesting such an experience as he stared off into nothing at the table during dinner, hands stuck in his pockets, fiddling with something for the entire meal. you'd saved your prying questions until you'd both showered and changed into your night clothes, now squeezed beside each other in the space of his bunk, narrow but just enough for the two of you to share.
"it was everything i always thought it would be!" he beamed, throwing his hands up towards the ceiling, turning his head in bed to look at you, "the water was actually salty, it stung my eyes and made my mouth so dry!!" even in the dim light, you could see the unrelenting gleam in his eyes. "it was so much colder and cleaner than the canal, blue and green as far as the eye could see—and it was frothy and white when it washed up on the shore, i wish i would've taken a bottle to bring some of it back!"
he was enchanting to gaze at, the luster of youth having finally returned after all this time it had eluded him. you'd remembered how he'd cried when he had lagged behind during cadet training, after his first few scouting missions, speaking about the untimely deaths of his family, the nights after he'd been chosen to receive the serum and acquire the power of the colossal. and every time you came to hold him, assure him that his pain was real and it was okay to cry, he would always try to tell you that he would be fine on his own, that everything would work itself out in the end without him having to bother anyone. but he never objected when you would gently hold him against you, whisper soft reassurances and let him silently sob, so young yet so full of such an endless turmoil. to see him wearing such an infectious look of glee was enough to make you smile back just as wide.
"i remember when you used to tell me about it when we were younger." you murmured, "all that feels like so long ago.. i'm glad that if any of us could make it to see the ocean, it was you."
you felt confused when you saw his face flush, smile faltering, looking almost sheepish, arms falling back to rest on his chest. "i'm sorry.. it feels unfair to gloat about it when you haven't even been able to see it for yourself."
there it was—the shy, selfless boy that was always there no matter how many battles or brushes with deaths you both saw. somehow, even after achieving his life-long dream, working so long and finally getting a taste of the joy that life should really bring, he was concerned about making you upset by expressing that happiness to you.
"armin, you're so silly." you giggled softly, reaching over to place your hand over his, "this is the one thing that you've always held onto, from the day that we first met in cadet training and all the way to now. seeing you happy could never make me upset. i'd listen to you talk about the ocean forever if it meant that you kept smiling."
his cheeks were a brilliant shade of red, heart beating fast in his chest, shining eyes large and full of gratitude. he reached into the pocket of his pajamas, leaving the hand under yours where it was, presenting you with a small leather pouch. "here, for you..!"
you took it, pulling the drawstring free, carefully tipping out its context into the palm of your hand. your eyes widened at the sight of something unfamiliar, a pale spiral dotted with rounded peaks, such a detailed creation of delicate beauty despite only being the length of your little finger, the hollow interior a smooth expanse of soft pink, light and fragile like glass.
"armin.. what is this..?"
"i don't know! they're all over the beach, hidden in the sand, but it's beautiful, isn't it??" that enthusiasm had returned, a familiar flutter dancing about in your chest, "i only took two, one for me and you, because i want there to be enough for everyone when we all go and see it together!"
you couldn't help your fascination, running your fingers over every ridge and twirl of the foreign token, cheeks nearly aching from the face-splitting beam that you had no way of containing. but you didn't know if it was this relic in your hand that was making you feel so happy, or the fact that he'd been thinking of you in his brightest moment, held you close enough to his heart that the sole memento he brought back from his trip was for you. you couldn't imagine feeling any other way, lying together, murmuring together, sharing such a rare moment of tranquility with the other now that there was a chance for your people to see past the walls that you had thought would confine you for the rest of your life.
"it's beautiful.." you carefully stowed it away into the small pouch, tucking it into your pocket until you thought of somewhere safe to keep it, turning back to face him, "thank you, armin. i love it."
i love you, you thought to yourself. and, staring into his eyes, returning your hand to clasp around his, you were sure that he was thinking it too.
─── · 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
paradis' first victory had been secured late into the night.
you'd been welcomed in the airship by your fellow soldiers, tugged into hugs that were almost more unpleasant than comforting due to the clanks and jabs of your gear hitting theirs, shouts and cheers shared in the main cabin over the first step being taken to secure the future of eldia and the island, but all you could think of was armin. you had been shocked when he'd accepted the role of disabling the harbor, your head filled with the memories of his despondent expressions when he was pulled from the body of the colossal, face steaming and gaunt and so terribly miserable.
you remember how you'd felt your heart jerk into your throat at the blinding flash from across the crumbling city that your squad had turned into its battle ground, debris raining from the sky and a massive crater where the buildings that had previous stood were crushed under armin, the sole survivor of the explosion being the looming figure of sinew and flesh that towered over everything below it. it only took you seconds to realize that he was in the private room near the cockpit reserved for the superior officers and the orchestrators of the siege, resigning to impatiently waiting for the duration of the ride home to speak with him.
for the moment, you tried to join in on the celebrations for having survived the night, turning your attention at jean's demand for everyone to quiet down. but before you could respond with your question of why, there came the sound of something rolling across the wood floor, the deafening crack of a rifle being fired, then the heavy thud of something hitting the ground.
"sasha!" connie screamed, a barrage of bullets coming from beside you, and the sharp ping of metal ricocheting on metal.
there were footsteps around you as you fell back, a sudden, searing heat burning across your stomach, through your entire body, knees giving out and sending you tumbling onto your back. though the ceiling was just above you, it was almost an incomprehensible image, the sound of voices shouting your name distant and murky, like your head had been dunked underwater. you barely caught jean's face, twisted with agony, his hands jostling you as he pressed hard into your abdomen, pain flaring dully up your spine.
"that hurts, jean.." you coughed, something warm and metallic coating your tongue, speech slurring, "why are you screaming..? what was.. that sound..?"
you didn't understand the sudden wave of exhaustion that was suddenly blanketing you, heavy lids falling shut, only to feel yourself being shaken awake. "open your eyes, don't close your eyes!" jean shouted, voice ringing about in your head, far too close to be speaking to you so loudly.
"tired.. just let me rest... just for a minute.."
you tried to remember where you were, why you were so fatigued, why jean was apologizing so frantically and pushing so firmly down on your stomach. you tried to swallow down the liquid gathering in your throat, sputtering and coughing, watching droplets of red spatter across jean's pale, tear-stained complexion, arm unable to lift and wipe them away like you wanted to. you forced your gaze to steady, squinting up at the lantern above your head, trying to pick out a coherent sound between the shouting voices and pounding footsteps.
the sight of another person falling into view left you blinking, struggling to focus on their face with the halo of light that had been cast around their figure, the spotty darkness clouding the edges of your vision making it almost look like the rays of sun that would stream through the canopy of the forest where you trained with your gear in your cadet days.
"armin.." you whispered, smiling when you realized that he was there, not minding the full-body ache that you felt when he pulled you into his arms, "are you okay? why.. why are you crying? we—you know we won..? we did it..."
you wanted to take his face in your hands like you had so many times, wipe away the tears dripping down his cheeks and hold him against you, but every limb felt like it was weighted to the floor, the thought of even lifting a finger feeling like a monumental effort. but he didn't speak like he usually did, didn't tell you what was troubling him so you could choose the right words to make him feel better, just stared down at you with wide, terrified eyes, obscured by his bangs.
"your hair.. getting too long.."
it was hard to breathe now, the blood pooling thick in the back of your mouth, eyes threatening to roll into the back of your head with every slow blink. you remember when his hair had gotten long enough to fall at his collarbones, how he'd come to you with scissors and a sheepish smile on one of your free days, asking if you'd help him cut his hair.
you'd always helped him cut his hair after that, even if he didn't ask, just sat him down whenever you saw that it'd grown long enough that you had to start brushing his bangs from his eyes or away from his forehead to press a soft kiss there. you wanted to be there—not here, staring up at him crying with nothing to do, but in the comfort of his tidy room, in his warm bed, talking back and forth into the early hours of the morning until you reluctantly left so you could get enough sleep in your own bed. why did you always leave? why didn't you ever allow yourself to stay?
you let your eyes fall shut, concentrating on that memory of home, the sound of his voice calling your name becoming more and more distant despite how his warmth felt so vivid, the fresh linen scent of his sheets and clothes, the sound of snipping scissors and the soft locks of his hair threading between your fingers, falling away from his shoulders and fluttering down at your feet.
when you crawled into his bed this time, you threw your arms around him, the covers settling around you, protecting you from the world just outside of his door. you were so tired tonight, but you didn't have to worry about keeping yourself awake to make it back to your room—you could just stay here, sleep peacefully and wake up with him to go to breakfast in the morning.
you really did love being close to him like this.
you really did love armin.
─── · 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
armin didn't go to your funeral—he couldn't.
he'd gotten dressed that morning, showered despite how he'd never felt entirely clean after having your blood soak into his uniform and stain his skin, put on his nicest clothes, and yet he couldn't bring himself to leave his room—not when he knew the service would be starting soon, not when someone came knocking at his door to let him know that everyone was leaving then, not even as he watched his friends begin the walk away from the scout dormitories from his window.
every time he closed his eyes he saw your face, low-lidded eyes, lips and teeth stained red, dying yet only concerned with asking about him. he couldn't sleep without reliving that night, or dreaming of all the moments you'd shared together. he was so angry, so upset that he hadn't been able to manage even a single word to you before you were gone forever, didn't beg for you to hold out until you got home and you could get proper care on a medical tent on the ground, couldn't have even told you he loved you one last time. it was unfair, that you had always been there to comfort him for years and yet he couldn't offer anything in return for all that time you'd wasted on him. he couldn't understand why he hadn't been able to speak, why he still hadn't let you go after you became limp and heavy in his arms and stopped wheezing in weak, strained breaths, why he couldn't even honor you by commemorating your memory at your funeral. he had never changed, he had always been a coward. maybe that was just who he was meant to be.
and despite such a deep, ceaseless shame that weighed like lead deep in the pit of his stomach, that murmuring voice in his head that told him over and over that it should've been him instead of all his fallen comrades, instead of erwin, instead of you, he still numbly trudged away from the window and out of his room. he didn't know where exactly his feet were taking him until he was turning open the knob on a door, taking in the sight of your quarters.
he felt his eyes sting, warm tears spilling down his face as he stepped out of his shoes, letting out a small sob as he crawled into your unmade bed, still waiting just as you left it for your return home. he buried his face into your pillows, wrapped himself in your blankets and shuddered despite the warmth enveloping him. he could still smell you on the fabric, forcing his eyes shut and trying to remember what it was like to feel your weight on the mattress beside him, hands reaching out even though he knew there was no one beside him to pull close.
he couldn't believe it had only been a few days without you, it had felt like almost like an eternity. he didn't realize just how much he looked forward to your presence during the day, waited for your soft knocks at his door to let him know that you were ready for breakfast, or how your laughter and words filled the air at mealtimes and kept him company in the night when you would whisper together in his bed. though the curtains had been drawn shut, there were still small gaps of sunlight streaming through the sliver between the drapes, illuminating your bedside table, letting him see the gift that he'd gotten you all those years ago, unaffected by time despite its fragility.
and he could only cry harder as he took the small thing into his hands, carefully clutching it to his chest, remembering how delighted you'd looked when he gave it to you, gazing at him with such gratitude and wonder. he would've given anything to go back to that time, where the most pertinent matter on his mind was whether they'd one day be able to make it across the sea and not mourning the deaths of two of the few friends he had left after all this senseless violence.
he wept until he had no more tears left to cry, shivering and pathetic as he laid there, whispering apologies that you'd never hear, trying to memorize the lingering scent that always comforted him when you held him close, letting himself fall asleep in your bed in the hopes that he could find a shred of deliverance in a dream where you were alive and smiling, even if only for that moment in his mind.
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itwoodbeprefect · 3 years ago
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decided to just compile a bunch of comments about my sga 1x01 rising rewatch into a single post because i don’t actually want to make a hundred posts in a row, so here, under the cut, many rambles:
announcer guy does, in fact, speak english upon a second attempt. well done on not forgetting to not speak german, announcer guy.
“i’m afraid of the thing” elizabeth says, about the drone chair, while standing next to it and looking like she wants to fuck it
rodney in that orange sweater! very orange! very warm!
john is on screen. john’s first words are helicopters he knows how to fly. john KINDA LIKES IT in antarctica. john has barely done anything and i already feel like crying a little bit about this guy who LIKES ANTARCTICA because he just wants to fly
POOR CARSON when he almost kills two people. “ai told ya ai was the wrong pursohn” :(
i really love how john sees the drone coming at the (landed) helicopter and yells “get out!” and they throw open their doors and john JUMPS and then it’s just “ugh.” and he’s belly-down on the floor and still like, almost under the helicopter. an attempt was made, for sure. just not a very succesful one.
the way john looks around like he’s never seen a ceiling before when he enters the base is just. very funny. and then some guy in particular is looking at him because he’s a bit of a weirdo and john looks back and the guy sort of looks him up and down and john looks away as if to check if anybody saw that. hmm.
john’s face of “oops” after he sits down in the chair and it ACTIVATES and carson RUNS OFF to go get literally everyone and john is realizing he MAY have just made a very giant big mistake. PRICELESS
teyla: my people have long believed the wraith will come if we venture into the ancient city. sumner, when the wraith come after he ventures into the ancient city: [surprised pikachu face]
gotta love how john insisting on saving his people is what wakes up the wraith, and saving his people is also what landed john in antarctica in the first place because he tried it in afghanistan once before. which wouldn’t have happened if there hadn’t been an american war in afghanistan in the first place, which there wouldn’t have been if bush hadn’t thrown the us into it, which wouldn’t have happened without 9/11, so... bin laden woke the wraith?
on the other hand john would never have had to go on a rescue mission on his first day in pegasus if sumner hadn’t gone into that city against the wishes of the people that already lived there and had a history dating back thousands of years with the place, so more realistically, the expeditions’ colonizer mentality woke the wraith. and then they just kinda... kept going with that for the rest of the show, because it worked out so well on that first day.
anyway i’m not even there yet - puddlejumper! it jumps puddles!
have to love the moment john realizes the puddlejumper is pretty literally reading his mind and giving him anything he can think of that is within its power (so no turkey sandwiches, but that’s okay). john is already in love with it just based on the fact that IT CAN FLY AND GO FAST (“i kinda like it here”, restored) but then all the ancient technology just seems to know him and love him back and gives him way more than he even thinks to ask for. which, for john, who doesn’t really do well expressing desires? a FLYING SHIP that then READS HIS MIND? starstruck. love at first sight. john&puddlejumper, instant bffs. i bet it would have popped a compartment with some stray bits of wire if he’d asked for a friendship bracelet right then and there. ford sitting there witnessing this doesn’t even know how hard he’s thirdwheeling it in that moment.
now i am at the bit where sumner is taken from the wraith prison to see the actual wraith, and look, obviously they’re evil and feed on humans etc etc, but this particular wraith’s sense of dramatics? unparalleled. she has them bring her victims one by one to a large foggy room with a looong table set with a wonderful dinner and then she LEAVES a DEAD BODY sitting at the head of the table (implied to be the athosian that was taken before sumner?) and drops down from the ceiling while sumner has his back turned for no reason except the spectacle of it all, and dracula himself literally couldn’t have made a better display out of this. it’s maybe scary in the way that it makes clear she’s a cat toying with a helpless mouse before she eats it, but it’s also hilarious in the way that this is absolutely a very bored immortal being who had to stay up while the rest went to sleep and is inventing high school improv plays with her dinner for some diversion. don’t play with your food, wraith queen. you’re scaring your dinner.
life signs detector!!! ford didn’t get to name the puddlejumpers gateships, but that one stuck, no matter how much “we can name it later” john was trying to throw at it!!!
(god. there’s a ficlet somewhere in there about season 2 john having a moment where he realizes he’s on the hunt for ford using the thing they first discovered together and that ford gave its name.)
getting sidetracked here, but when john and ford find the group of humans caught by the wraith teyla goes “major!” and it makes me think that. well. how are the athosians supposed to know things like “major” and “colonel” are military ranks? what are the chances the pegasus galaxy uses the same designations? (don’t really know how the language thing works here - we’re hopefully not supposed to think they’re all speaking english, are they? i’ve never watched sg1, there’s probably lore about this, i assume. maybe alien titles somehow get perfect translations to earth ones and vice versa.) but i mean, teyla is too smart, she’d have it figured out already even if those words don’t exist in her galaxy, but some athosian somewhere is going to be very confused by this earth tendency to name way too many kids private and lieutenant, and then put all of them into the army. strange, to have your job decided for you at birth like that. earth people are weeeeird.
fjdkl john is like bye, gonna go find colonel sumner all on my own, run if you don’t hear from me in twenty minutes, and ford’s like “you’re the only one who can fly these people out of here” and “i’m saying i should be the one to go, sir” and john, with his savior can’t-leave-anyone-behind-gotta-do-this-personally-or-i-will-literally-die-from-not-almost-dying complex DOES NOT LISTEN to ford’s EXTREMELY ACCURATE objection. which is his right, as ranking officer, but is also a perfect showcase of why john Should Not Ever be in charge of atlantis, and why sam saying he was totally on the shortlist when she takes over command in s4 is funny but frightening if you’re on atlantis and like being alive.
sumner: “we travel through the stargate as peaceful explorers.” FDJKFD. god, that line, from that character, hilarious.
rodney comes to elizabeth full of enthusiasm about all the interesting stuff they’re finding in the city only to find her staring at the empty gate and when she says she should never have let them (the rescue party) go, he sobers up and says awkwardly “for what it’s worth, you made the right decision” and that’s GOOD that’s KIND.
back on the planet with the wraith everyone is running to the jumper while there are wraith darts whizzing through the air and teyla turns back, catches up with ford who was told to cover their six, disarms him (because he was firing at illusions, revealing their position), hands him back his weapon, pulls him in the direction of the puddlejumper, and PUSHES HIM ASIDE when they’re almost scooped up by a wraith dart, and i’m so here for teyla being allowed a moment of heroics that saves specifically ford, guy with a gun, and not a random athosian damsel in distress. teyla is fully on their level. teyla is perhaps above their level. thank you.
that scene at the end of this episode!! in which there’s a sort of party on atlantis and it’s all buzzing and relaxed while the athosians are mingling freely with the expedition members and they’re talking of friendship and ugh. UGH. there’s a better version of sga in an alternate universe where the expedition didn’t decide atlantis was totally theirs, actually, and they cooperate with the people that were already in the galaxy when they came there and learn from sumner’s mistake to actually respect what they have to say and form a single front and teyla takes over as head of the expedition in s4 when there’s a void left by elizabeth’s absence.
final thought that has always haunted me a little: john suddenly becoming the ranking military member on atlantis after sumner’s death is ?? one of those things where i wonder what the sgc was thinking in their personnel assignments. john wasn’t even supposed to BE THERE. if john hadn’t gone and sumner had still died (which was something they should have considered as a possiblitiy! they didn’t know what they were walking into at all! sumner is apparently the type to lead his own missions!), then what exactly would they have done? i don’t know much about how the us military operates but i’ve watched enough mash to have figured out the order of the ranks and it just seems. very odd to me? to take one (1) colonel on this mission and then ZERO lieutenant colonels OR majors (if john hadn’t stumbled his way into it, that is). like, are there any captains on atlantis? (i think there are?) or would ford, a lieutenant, have ended up ranking military member? this is like the surely-they-only-need-a-single-medical-doctor-right thing. WHAT IS THE SGC THINKING.
anyway. this was good. i liked this. i hadn’t rewatched the pilot in a while, and i only just now figured out how much of a while, because there was a bunch in here i didn’t remember. ON TO EPISODE TWO.
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footballfanfictions · 4 years ago
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The thrill of the chase - Chapter Two
Pairings: Mason Mount/OC, Ben Chilwell/OC
Authors Note: Sorry that this has taken a little longer than anticipated and thank you so much for all the love for the first part.
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One of the main drawbacks of working with social media, is that you are always on social media and you’re constantly bombarded with information and images that make you feel downright crap about yourself.
I’d been asked to take over the instagram page of one of the high profile players at the club and his entire feed was just one supermodel and influencer after the other with the odd footballer thrown in to balance it out. They were all so stunning that it truly made me feel awful about myself, how could it not? My salary was pretty good for a new graduate but not quite good enough for weekly manicures, lip fillers and hair extensions and my time management wouldn’t stretch for that either, I barely made my eyebrow wax appointments.
I was trying to avoid looking at the player’s DMs while I posted a few pictures from the pre-season training sessions to his feed, but the notifications pinging every few minutes was getting quite annoying.
Has it been Brianna with access to his account and not me, she would have gone straight to his messages to read them. I preferred to live in blissful ignorance to the sleazy ways of the men around me. I already felt like finding a good guy was absolutely hopeless.
I had been renting a flat and I was saving for a deposit to buy a house, hoping that by the time I had saved up enough to buy that I would have found the right person to live with. If I were to attempt this alone, with London house prices I would be around  60 by the time I had saved enough alone.
The message notifications continued to come in and whoever Sam was, she was really keen.
I logged out after posting the final image and prayed I wouldn’t have to go into it again. The less I knew about their private lives, the better. It would be pretty awkward to be sat in the staff and players’ family box at a game knowing that the wife of someone I knew was cheating was close by. Best to steer clear of those complications.
Brianna hadn’t visited my office at all and by 12 I was both worried and hungry and decided to go looking for her.
I tried the kit room first but it was empty and surprisingly tidy. Dave kept a tight ship and liked everything to be in its place but it wasn’t often possible with the sheer volume of kits that needed to be looked after.
As I backed out of the kit room and closed the door, I felt something hit me in the back.
“Sorry” mumbled the voice from behind me. “I was looking for Dave, I need a new top.”
I knew who it was but I didn’t really want to turn around and look at him.
“They’re not in there, I was just looking for him and Brianna too.” I responded in an emotionless tone, shrugging.
“Why are you being so weird?” he asked.
I turned to face him then and gave him a look of contempt before I answered him. “Maybe I just don’t enjoy spending time around footballers?”
“No offence love, but I think you might be in the wrong job if that is the case.” he put his hand on the door, next to my head where I was practically pinned against the door by how close he was to me. Only then did I realise that the training top that he was wearing was ripped, front he shoulder to his navel, the material hanging and exposing his toned chest and abs. I tried to look away but he had caught me looking and was now smirking.
“Maybe it’s just you that puts me off.” I shrugged as I ducked under his arm, escaping from my position between him and the door.
“You really don’t like me?” He huffed. “I don’t remember doing anything to offend you personally.”
“Maybe I’m offended that privileged young lads get money, fame and praise just for kicking a ball around a muddy field. Try something more impressive, like curing cancer or performing life saving surgery, ending world hunger, ending wars.” I groaned in frustration. Maybe that was the truth of it. Why should he get all the praise and admiration that he got, just for playing a sport? There were so many incredible people in the world doing, or working towards the things in that list that never got half the praise that Mason Mount did for kicking a ball.
He looked a bit dumb struck.
I went in again, “Maybe I don’t like you assuming that I should be into you, just because you’re Mason Mount, England and Chelsea midfielder. Maybe that’s what the girls in the club that throw themselves at your feet are into, but it’s not for me.”
I made to leave and he grabbed my hand and mumbled, “Sorry, I’ll leave you alone from now on.”
I didn’t respond. Just pulled my hand from his and stormed off towards the boot room, leaving him outside of the kit room in his ripped shirt.
“Fuck it smells like feet in here.” I complained, walking into the boot room with my nose pinched between my fingers in disgust.
“When I said that I liked shoes to dad, this is not what I meant.” Brianna laughed.
“What are you doing in here, I didn’t think boots were part of your job?” I asked, perching on one of the benches while Bri sat on the floor, sorting through a massive pile of boots to try and match up the pairs. They were in all sorts of bright colours and differing sizes. If I had to guess, I’d guess that she had been at her task for hours.
“Dad and the boot guy had some sort of emergency” she shrugged.
I laughed at that, wondering what kind of emergency you could have that involved kits and boots. Maybe they hadn’t ordered the right brand or something and one of the stars wasn’t going to get his cash from his boot deal if they didn’t find him the right pair.
There was a little tap on the sliding glass door that lead out onto the pitches and stood there was the guy from the other day that had held the door to the cafeteria open for us. He looked a little sheepish.
“Are you going to let him in?” I asked Bri, trying to unbury her from the pile of boots by throwing some of them into a pile, all of the orange ones in one corner, the yellow in another pile and pink in another and so on.
“Oh yeah.” she said, standing and brushing herself off, and adjusting her skirt that rode up her thighs slightly. The guy had noticed and I watched as he tried to look away and then down at his feet. At first I hadn’t thought that his shyness was that genuine. Footballers were all confident cocky little shits in my book, I’d never met one that was shy and unsure of himself.
Bri unlocked the door and let him in.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but only one of these fits” he said, holding up a pair of lime green boots and giving Bri an apologetic smile.
“Oh shit” she said, taking the pair from him and inspecting them. “I’ve given you one 10 and one 9.5.” she looked through the pile of lime green boots until she said “aha!” triumphantly brandishing another size 10 boot. “Here you go my love.”
That as just Bri’s way, she called everyone little pet names all the time, but he didn’t know that and he was blushing profusely and I was almost certain that his hands were shaking as he laced the boots up.
“Thank you so much.” he mumbled, looking like he was about to die of embarrassment. He turned to walk back out of the sliding door, but hadn’t realised that Bri had shut it behind him, so he ended up walking straight into the glass, hitting it with enough force to emmit a cracking noise from his nose which was suddenly streaming with blood.
I jumped up from my seat and crossed the room to him, avoiding the piles of boots the best that I could, not wanting to add myself to the casualty list.
I had an unused tissue in my pocket, that I took out and pressed to his nose. It was instantly bright red and the blood poured straight through it.
“Bri can you go and warn the medical room that we need to bring him down?” I asked.
She nodded in agreement and rushed out of the room.
I put my arm around his waist and guided him back over to the benches. He sat down and I slipped my cardigan off. It was a very thin material and already a deep shade of red. I didn’t let him protest as I replaced the tissue with my cardigan. It was the best that we had, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain.
“I’ve never seen anyone get that flustered before.” i laughed, sitting down beside him. He managed to give me a pained grin.
‘It’s Bri isn’t it? Is she why you were waiting by the canteen door the other day?” I asked gently, patting him reassuringly on the back. “I wanted to send her out of the room so that I could ask you, and also to reassure you that you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this. I’ve seen Bri do a lot more embarrassing things. She’s always falling over and hurting herself. You would make quite the pair.” I laughed.
He shook his head and mumbled “I can’t ask her out”.
“Why the hell not?” i scoffed.
“She has a boyfriend doesn’t she?” he shrugged, looking really sombre.
“Ah no, not anymore. Things are definitely over between her and that prick, and between you and me, if she ever gets back together with him, I’ll give her a matching broken nose.” I bumped shoulders with his, trying to cheer him up, just as Bri came back into the room and told us that the medical room were waiting for him.
“Can you come with me?” he asked, not talking to Bri, but to me instead.
“Sure, I would do anything to get out of work this afternoon. Our twitter page today is just full of fans that are disappointed that we didn’t use the Hazard money to sign Messi.” I laughed, getting up and guiding him towards the door.
“Can we catch up later?” I asked Bri before leaving the room, she nodded and told me she would be free all evening.
As we walked down the corridor I said to him “See, no plans to see a boyfriend” and he blushed again.
One of the medical assistants rushed out to meet us and guided him into the room exclaiming “Billy, what the hell? How have you done that?”
He shrugged, clearly feeling embarrassed about how he had injured himself. So when they looked over at me for clarification, I shrugged too.
Billy wasn’t the only player needing the use of the treatment room. As he sat down on one of the chairs, I noticed that Ben was in there too.
The medic went about dabbing Billy’s nose and he cried out in pain.
“Sorry about your cardigan.” he said, looking down at the red material on his lap. He didn’t need it now that he was getting patched up.
“Honestly don’t worry about it Billy.” I grinned.
The medic then mumbled something about needing something and left the room.
That gave Billy a bit more confidence to talk about what had happened.
“And thank you for the advice about your friend.” Billy seemed a bit happier as he said that, and I could see Ben out of the corner of my eye looking over at us as Billy spoke.
“Please tell me you’re going to ask her out!” Ben laughed.
I turned to look at him and smiled. “You know?”
Ben nodded and looked at Billy with a horrified expression “Oh god, you asked her out and she punched you.”
I shook my head. “Not exactly.” I said.
“The boyfriend was here for some reason, and he punched you?’ Ben went on, standing up and coming over to Billy. He walked with a slight limp.
He stood in between us.
“Why are you in here if you don’t mind me asking?” I looked down at his leg while asking the question.
“It’s my hamstring, nothing too serious.” He smiled.
“Don’t laugh at me when I tell you how I did this.” Billy warned, pointing at his nose. “I walked into a sliding glass door that I thought was open, all because she gave me a pair of boots and called me love.” he groaned, covering his face in embarrassment.
Ben laughed and clapped Billy on the back with his hand. “Oh mate, no wonder you’re embarrassed.” he then addressed me, asking “Just how cringy was it?”
I shook my head before answering him, “I honestly don’t think it was that bad. Bri is pretty oblivious sometimes and I don’t actually think she realised the real reason for you hurting yourself. So if you were to pluck up the courage to speak to her, I wouldn’t even bring it up.”
_________________________________________________________
The next day, I was looking out at the training pitches while I waited for the coffee machine to finish making my drink when there was a gentle tap on my door.
I crossed the room and opened it, expecting it to Bri or maybe even the club photographer giving me some new pictures of the squad to use, but it was Ben.
“Hi, are you free?” he asked, giving me one of his sweet smiles.
“Yeah come in.” I said, stepping back into my office and letting him pass me so that I could hold the door open.
“That coffee smells nice”. He remarked.
“Do you want one? Or did I put you off the other day?” I smiled.
“Ah no thanks, and no you didn’t put me off. I’ve never really liked the stuff. I like the smell of coffee, it just doesn’t taste as good as it smells.” as he spoke I realised that he was holding something in a plastic bag.
He realised that I was looking at it. “It’s your cardigan. I washed it for you at home. Think I got all the blood out but it’s red so I can’t really tell.”
I was for once, speechless. It was a small gesture but it was really kind all the same. I thought about making a witty remark about it actually being his mother or an employed cleaner that washed it for him but I just couldn’t bring myself to.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. It’s only an old primark cardigan.” I said, taking the bag from him.
I suddenly felt a bit flustered in his company. He had that charming smile and didn’t really look like a cocky footballer to me. He didn’t act like one much either, he was just kind of like the guy next door, or the guy you would see on Tinder with a picture of him with his mates at the only photo on the profile so you couldn’t tell which one you were swiping for.
In all honesty, he kind of reminded me of my ex boyfriend Rory. He had the same sort of look, and they had similar accents. Maybe it was nostalgia that made me find being around Ben comforting.
‘I think your coffee is done.” he said, gesturing to the machine.
I nodded and walked over to the machine, taking the cup and adding some creamer and sugar. As I stirred the cup, he leant against my desk and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Something is bothering me if I’m honest.” he said.
“What is it?” I asked curiously.
“Mason said that you told him that you hate all footballers because we’re privileged and get too much clout for what we do.” He looked slightly disappointed in me. “Thing is, I don’t entirely disagree with you. Maybe we do get paid too much for what we do, and maybe doctors and nurses deserve way more praise than we do. I also don’t think that you hate all footballers. You were really kind to Blly yesterday and he won’t forget that in a hurry. You really helped him.” he continued.
“I don’t hate Billy, and I don’t think I hate you either.” I said quietly, taking a sip of my coffee.
“That is interesting.” he grinned, as he took one of my hands and guided me over to him, to stand in between his legs where he now sat on the edge of my desk.
Instinctively I put my coffee cup down and he put his arms around my waist.
“It’s interesting?-” he cut me off before I could say anything else, by pressing his lips against mine. The kiss is soft and gentle and lasts only a few seconds. He testing me and my brain is going in so many different directions. Am I actually going back on all of my principles and kissing a fucking footballer right now? And am I only doing it because he reminds me of my ex?
He moves to pull away, breaking the contact between our lips and I let out the tiniest whimper before putting my hand on the back of his head and pulling him back in for more. This time his tongue slips past my parted lips. My hand at the back of his head grips a generous handful of his hair and one of his hands makes its way to my bum.
My body feels like it is on fire. It has been a bloody long time since anyone kissed or touched me, and I hadn’t quite realised just how starved of affection I had been until I got a taste of it, a taste of him.
The telephone on my desk started to ring,and although I tried to ignore it, I just couldn’t. My job meant a lot to me and if it were Marina or someone of equal importance I would be chastised for missing the call.
We broke the kiss at the same time and I apologised to him. He grinned and fired back that I didn’t need to apologise and that he needed to get back to training, and by the time I picked up the phone, he was gone.
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ask-purpled-and-blued · 4 years ago
Text
Vigilante
Not once has Purpled ever called himself a hero.
He wants that on record, wants to say it up front. He’s never had any delusions about what he is and what he’s doing.
He doesn’t have the license for it, doesn’t have the morals for it. He’s not even saving that many people.
He’s just some kid running around in pro hero cosplay with his shoddy homemade support gear.
So riddle him this: why the fuck is his vigilante name trending on Twitter under #Swag_forHeroCon?
(—This one’s got a high-stress moment and the briefest panic attack known to man somewhere in the middle. Mind the post’s tags and reply if it needs more.—)
It started about a year ago. It’s sophomore year and he’s looking at his options for next year’s classes.
Of course he’s taking AP Calc and everything he thinks colleges wanna see. That’s a given and a no-brainer and he’s not gonna go into detail about that.
No, what matters is that his junior and senior year let him take career classes.
Hero-related career classes.
Because not only is this a private nerd school that he needs his scholarship to afford. It’s a private nerd school that has a dual-enrollment type thing with a nearby heroics school.
And one with a pretty good support course that is now available to him.
He’s always been interested in math and engineering. Support courses are just using both of those to make cool shit for heroes and make hella money while doing so.
He’s done his research. Support gear can cost anywhere from a couple thousand dollars to an arm and a leg and both your kidneys.
And it’s his dream to make that kinda money.
So he talks to his counselor about it, fills out the applications and waivers, takes the program’s entrance exam. And within a week he’s got his new schedule that’s got an extra two hours slapped onto the end of the day.
It’s gonna be so worth it.
And it really was.
The beginning of the year was covering what they should make support gear for, how to take the quirks and ideas of the heroes they’re working for and make them actually work.
But also the design process, how to research stuff, lab safety. How to make something look nice while not compromising its utility, costume design, branding. Different materials and their uses, different materials and how to work with them. How to deal with mistakes and set-backs. Avoiding burnout and getting literally burn.
The class was amazing. But his favorite part came later in the year.
The final project.
They were given a made up hero student’s profile and were told to create a support item for them. The file came with their name, measurements, hero name, quirk description, and several sketches of what the fake person looked like and of them using their quirk.
They were given a few deadlines and some profiles came with design requests, but for the most part they were allowed to go ham.
And go ham he did.
His assignment was a kid whose quirk was being able to float just himself. He got a couple sketches of what the kid’s costume already had and it looked like there was a bee theme going on.
So, naturally, he decided to give this kid a pneumatic nail gun.
...
Alright so maybe that wasn’t as intuitive as he thought it was. But the kid didn’t have any sort of weapon on him in any of the sketches!
And there wasn’t any sort of close combat abilities listed in the biography like some of his classmates’s people had, so the further this kid could be from the action while still packing a punch the better.
Hence the nail gun he was designing to look like a stinger.
He did his research. Looked up where the body’s vital organs are and read up on acupuncture. Looked up the damage that stab wounds can do and how fast a thing had to be going to go right through you.
Printed out some human outlines and wrote up a couple sheets that pointed out the “no-no spots.” And basically wrote a manual on how to use the thing and half an essay on why certain safety features were implemented to keep him and the fake kid from being sued.
And then halfway through actually building the thing he got the idea to add a paralytic substance.
And then he hated himself a little bit because he had to find a substance that would be non-lethal and would have the desired affect. And then he had to go to his teacher during his office hours to sit down and explain that yes he had this idea but he’s not entirely sure if it’s a good one.
And he wrote another almost-essay about what he chose as the paralytic substance and why he chose it and what the max amount the average person could take was so that he wouldn’t be liable if it was used improperly.
And then he recorded himself reading all of his paperwork both for extra credit and because apparently the kid’s bio said he was dyslexic and the teacher wanted them to do this as realistically as possible.
Probably would’ve been easier to just change the font but he’s come this far, might as well go the extra mile.
He paints the thing. Gathers up all his research and his concept sketches and his blueprints and his explanations and his recordings.
And he dumps them on the teacher’s desk and enjoys the lull in the class as the final projects get reviewed and graded.
They get to watch movies and Netflix with the TA while the teacher sits in the other room grading them.
He loved this class.
He still loves the class but it loses points for the fucking heart attack it just gave him.
Apparently the hero students they made shit for we’re real hero students. Actual, physical people who applied to the heroics department and got in. And may possibly one day be heroes if they didn’t fail.
And were going to come in and see the shit they made that passed inspections. And would be given said shit to use as part of their hero costumes.
In hindsight it should’ve been obvious, but Purpled cut himself some slack there.
At least his guy was nice. A little too excited at 4pm on a Thursday, but given the fact that Purpled just handed him a gun and said he could shoot people, it was understandable.
Purpled felt really good as he walked this Tubbo guy through the instructions again. Apparently he’d already been sent the paperwork and the audio before this. So all that was left to do was remind him about it the important stuff and then taking five wide steps back and letting him shoot at a practice dummy.
...
Well, Tubbo’s aim wasn’t his problem.
F to any villains and civilians in his way.
At this point, there’s probably some confusion.
“Purpled, why did you become a vigilante if your support gear inventing future looked bright?”
He’s getting to that!
He needs to talk about his junior year to give context for his senior year.
Which sucked absolute ass.
For one, Purpled’s quirk came in.
Now, normally that would be a pretty good thing. Somewhere around 80% of America’s population had quirks.
Four out of every five people had some sort of ability or abnormality that ranged from being able to detach your ear to having super strength. Getting one that wasn’t detrimental to your health, even at his age, was generally a positive thing.
Except Purpled’s actually sucked. Sucked so fucking bad.
Yeah, he was lucky in that he didn’t suddenly grow gills and need to live underwater for the rest of his life or something. But he honestly wished he could go back to a week ago when he didn’t have this quirk.
When he wasn’t constantly being forgotten by the people in his life because of a quirk he couldn’t turn off.
If it wasn’t for the fact that the quirk counselor’s quirk let them detect the use of quirks, he would’ve thought he’d lost it.
People forgetting his face, his name, his existence over the span of a week was hell. He had to show his mother his birth certificate and social security card and his baby pictures so that she’s remember she had another son. Let alone everyone else in his life that he only saw at school.
Oh god his fucking school.
The lengths he had to go to to keep his fucking scholarship was fucking nuts.
Classes were a nightmare with the teachers forgetting about him by the end of the period.
Things eventually got easier when he realized it was an area of effect thing and that he could shorten it to affect people within a few feet of him.
From that point on he just had to social distance from people like his life depended on it. Because his social and academic lives did depend on it.
He didn’t experiment with his quirk beyond that though. He hated it. He did everything in his power to keep it as tightly controlled as he could.
Until the one time he didn’t.
He was out to get another notebook because he’d severely underestimated how many notes he’d need to take for one of his classes. It was just supposed to be a quick stop on his way home.
He’d sat on the bus home with his quirk pulled in tightly around him, the force of it a buzzing weight on his skin that he refused to let go of.
He got off at a stop that wasn’t his but was closer to the dollar store he had in mind. He honestly didn’t expect to take more than ten minutes.
Then a guy walked in and loudly told the cashiers to hand over the money.
Purpled wasn’t that close to the front, but he peeked around the aisle and watched the robbery unfold.
The dude had what looked like leaves for hair and was holding the cashiers at gunpoint. There were two of them at adjacent checkouts, neither of them with any visible mutations. They actually might not have quirks.
Purpled has no idea what to do with this information.
His best bet was to wait for the heroes to arrive and stay quiet-
One of the cashiers was looking right at him. Robber guy noticed.
Turned around and pointed his gun at Purpled. Told him to get out from where he was hiding and to kneel on the ground in the open.
And Purpled was scared. He couldn’t move, he’d frozen.
The guy got loud and mad and he still had the gun pointed at him.
Purpled was panicking. His chest felt too tight and his quirk was freaking out. Buzzing harder than it ever has.
He couldn’t hold it. He let go.
...
For a moment, everything was still and everything was quiet.
Purpled felt light, he felt more at ease than he had in months.
Because his quirk was free and loose and everyone else in the room looked so fucking confused. Like they had no idea what was going on.
Like they just forgot what was going on.
And then the heroes arrived. How they knew to be here was anyone’s guess.
Purpled should probably give his statement.
Purpled was probably in shock though. So he forgave himself for shoplifting and not pulling his quirk back in. For just walking right out of the store and down the street.
Nobody shouted at him or called him back, so he assumed they forgot he was there.
He wished he could forget he was in the store for that moment too.
There’s a lot of other little things that lead up to Purpled being a vigilante, but those things don’t matter as much.
He drops out. It’s not hard to make people forget he even went to school.
He regularly breaks back into school to steal tools and materials for his projects and just wipes the people who walk in on him doing that shit.
Makes a costume but scraps it and decides to make several replicas of the top twenty’s costumes.
Because he’s realized that the wider he makes his range the less of an effect his quirk has on all those in range. Vice versa.
So the pro gamer move here is to make people forget what they saw the person in the pro hero costume doing instead of trying to make them forget they saw an unfamiliar figure doing shit.
Memory is reconstructive after all. Easily manipulated even without a quirk like his.
And he’s good at making his costumes and altering his appearance.
He probably won’t always do a good job wiping people’s memories though, so he lets it stick that there’s a vigilante that impersonates pro heroes. One that constantly shifts their appearance.
He even gets bold and makes a name for himself.
Swag_.
...
Listen he didn’t say it was a good name-
He doesn’t stop a lot of crime. And the people he does save often think they were saved by someone else.
But there’s always that one moment after he managed to save someone where they look at him. And they see him.
And that’s worth everything.
It’s not a selfless motive. It’s not a heroic motive.
But it’s enough of a motive for Purpled.
He doesn’t know how he got a following. Doesn’t know how he never noticed.
But he likes it. After the initial shock of seeing himself trending fades, he lets himself soak up all the positive attention.
And then he gets back to work.
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high-functioning-lokipath · 4 years ago
Text
SH - Sherlock & Greg Friendship - Prompt: How Greg and Sherlock First Met - Words: 1,637
A/N: Alrighty! So this written from Greg's POV. It's my personal headcannon of what Sherlock and Greg's first meeting might have been like. Please don't hate me if I got something wrong or if it's different than your ideas. Just my little thought. At the end of the story there is a little explanation of some of the references I made. See if you catch them 😜
I WILL ADD THIS: THERE IS DISCUSSION OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND INTENT. HOWEVER, NO HARM COMES UPON ANYONE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED.
"Goodnight, Inspector," Donavon said, as we walked out to our respective cars.
"Good night, Sally," I replied. "Have any plans tonight?"
"Oh, nothing much," She replied with a smile. Anderson walked out and headed to his car too though I noticed he winked and waved at Sally as he passed by. "See you tomorrow," She told me. I nodded and got in my car. As I started my engine I saw Philip run back to her and hand her what seemed to be a key. I shook my head and pulled away. I didn't want to pry into the personal lives of anyone on my team but I made a mental note to keep an eye on those two.
"Oh, I'm exhausted," I groaned to myself as I drove home. I'd just received my promotion to Detective Inspector and the first case we'd gotten has proven to be more difficult than we expected. Deciding that my already distant wife wouldn't care if I was home another 15 minutes later, I pulled over for a smoke. The Waterloo Bridge was just up ahead so I got out for a little walk. As I walked up into the bridge I took out my cigarette and was just about to light it when someone spoke up.
"Those things will kill you."
"Who said that?" I called out, immediately pocketing my lighter and lowering my cigarette. Instinctively, my hand hovered near my holster.
"Nobody of import to you, Detective Inspector. I was just making an observation." I was speechless for a moment, surprised that whoever was talking knew who I was. Or at least what I was. My blood ran cold, though, when I finally spotted the illusive speaker.
"What are you doing over there?" I asked, attempting to keep my voice steady. I couldn't yet see his features but I could tell he was young, tall, skinny and had a head full of curly hair. The first thing I noticed, though, was that he was standing on the wrong side of the walkway railing.
"My plan was to jump," He stated plainly. I was quiet for a moment, surprised that he'd so easily admit such a thing. "Surprised I said it?" He asked, looking at me finally. I nodded and he smiled sadly. "No reason to lie to you. You're a smart man. You wouldn't have reached DI otherwise."
"How do you know that anyways?" I asked, walking up next to him, however remaining on the correct side of the railing.
"It was quite obvious. Your haircut implies your employment is of the upper blue-collar class which narrows the field considerably. Considering your age you couldn't be higher than Detective Inspector but no lower than Detective Sergeant. If you were still at Constable you would have quit. Also it was obvious from the fact you went for your gun when I spoke up. You're considerably tired, even for this late hour, meaning you probably were one of the last out. Though tired your gait shows a measure of excitement, pride, if you will. It couldn't be caused by anything at home. You stopped for a smoke on your way home and didn't light up in your car meaning your wife dislikes the habit. One of the reasons she's going to be leaving you, by the way. You certainly aren't expecting children any time soon so that would leave your job. You're excited about something that happened recently at your job. You're obviously exhausted from the case you've been trying to crack so that leaves one option. Promotion. I'd say at the beginning of this past week."
"Wow," I gasped. "You're quite good at that!"
"You're not angry?" He asked slowly, staring at me in surprise.
"Not at all."
"I just told you your wife was leaving you."
"I knew that," I chuckled. "She's been hinting at the matter for weeks. I've been trying to fix things but, with my new promotion, she seems more determined than ever."
"I see," He said, looking off down the river again. "Most people get quite upset with me."
"Well, perhaps depending on the situation it might not be welcome but I don't see what's so bad about it. You know," I said with a grin. "With your ability you'd make a fine DI yourself."
"Tried. Couldn't pass the psych eval," He whispered. "What you call an ability, they call a disability." I stayed quiet, waiting to see if he'd go on. "Doctors diagnosed me with Asperger's and ADHD.”
“Well that certainly shouldn't stop you! Have you considered becoming a private investigator?” He wrinkled his nose at the suggestion.
“I’m not a fan of that title.”
“Private detective?” I tried. He shook his head again. “I’ll think of something,” I said determandly.
“Why would you care?”
“You seem like a nice kid, I-”
“I’m not a kid, I'm 25,” He interrupted, causing me to chuckle lightly.
"Alright," I said, holding up my hands. "Young man. You seem like a nice young man. I want to help you out."
"Why?" He asked again, sounding awfully much like a 2 year old. "I grew up in the countryside with my parents and my older brother. I never had any friends in school. I’ve always been like this. It didn’t get any better when I went to uni. Everyone just made fun of me. Once I graduated, I moved in with my brother in the city. I worked with him for a few years but,” He paused. "Let's just say that didn't go well. I tried to live on my own but I couldn't pay rent because I wasn't able to hold down a job. No one could put up with me. My brother would send me money here and there but he stopped after a while when he found out I had gotten involved in other things."
"Drugs?" The young man nodded slowly. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be somewhere else in his mind. "You know I could have you arrested for that," I commented.
"You wouldn't," He replied. He turned his head and looked straight at me, his eyes more intense than anyone else's I'd ever met. "Besides," He continued, looking away again. "I've stopped."
"For now," I said. "You'll stop until you don't have anything to do and then your mind will get too loud, too busy, too noisy and you'll try to quiet it again."
"How-"
"My cousin," I stated simply. "And also myself in a way. These 'help' me with my stress." I held up my package of cigarettes.
"May I see them?" He asked, holding out his hand. I nodded and handed them over. He looked them over carefully and then threw them into the river.
"Oi! Why'd you do that?" With a smirk and quickly hopped back over the railing onto the walkway.
"Try this," He said, rolling up his sleeve and showing me a patch on his arm. "When I have an especially bad day I'll go up to 3 patches. But one would probably be enough for you."
"Alright, I'll give it a try." He smiled abit haughtily. "But," I added, causing his expression to falter. "Only if you promise to give the private, personal, whatever you want to call it, detective work a try."
"After consulting with you, Inspector, I suppose I could attempt to give this idiotic world another try."
"That's it!" I exclaimed. "Consulting Detective! That's what you can call yourself!" He furrowed his brow in thought before smiling slightly.
"I think that just might work. But who would I consult for?"
"Well, you could set up a website so people can send in cases. Perhaps post something about how you do your deductions. It might take awhile for you to get enough customers so perhaps I can arrange for you to take a look at some old cold cases. What do you think of that?"
"I-" He paused, looking away in embarrassment. "Thank you, Inspector."
"You're welcome. And call me Greg, hm? Or Lestrade if Greg is too hard to remember," I joked.
"Alright," He paused. "Graham," He added with a smirk. I laughed loudly and clapped his shoulder.
"Well, I have the feeling this is going to be the start of something very special for you. Who knows where this will take you or who you'll meet!" He nodded, corners of his mouth turning up in a small smile. "Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow afternoon? I can get you some cold cases and who knows, maybe you'll even crack the case I'm working on now!"
"Thank you," He replied, suddenly sounding very nervous.
"Look, I know people are going to judge you for who you are and what you do. I wish I could change that. But keep your chin up. One day you'll look back and be surprised where it got you. Be confident in yourself. That'll help a lot."
"Like this?" He asked, standing straighter and giving off a well practiced authoritative glare.
"Something like that," I replied. "Here. Try this." I reached for his coat collar and turned it up. "Perfect. Now you look like a real professional." He nodded sharply, keeping up his vaguely disinterested air.
"I've done this before," He admitted. I smiled and nodded.
"Me too. I think you'll be just fine." I smiled at him, happy I was able to save a life tonight instead of investigate a death. "Do you need a ride home?" I offered.
"That would be helpful," He admitted.
"Alright, then, Mr.," I paused, chuckling lightly. "You know, I never got your name."
"Sherlock Holmes," He replied. I smiled and shook his hand.
"Nice to meet you, Sherlock." I paused for a moment, thinking. "Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE: A GUIDE
The key - Anderson is giving Sally a key to his apartment since they are having an affair. Not exactly a direct reference. Just a thought lol
Those things will kill you - I thought making that the first thing Sherlock said to Greg would have explained all the more so why Greg was so happy to see him again when he came back.
Sherlock's diagnosis - In one of the episodes (can't remember which, too lazy to look it up lol) John says Sherlock has Asperger's. One of my best friends has Asperger's and I've had other friends with ADHD. As a non-professional, I would say Sherlock definitely acts in harmony with those two disorders.
The patches - Greg was showing Sherlock his own patches in the first episode. Thought that was cute.
Graham - I personally think Sherlock has always known Greg's name and it's just an inside joke lol
So, if you noticed anything else, let me know! Please leave a comment (or two lol) if you liked it!!!!
Sherlock BBC Taglist
@lucywrites02
@delightfulheartdream
@bartv21
@another-crazy-fangirl
@ladylulu143
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streets-in-paradise · 4 years ago
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Let’s talk about the amazingly on spot social commentary on The Boys
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Warning: This post contains spoilers from Season 1 and the first three episodes of season 2 of The Boys 
Tags: @nehoymenyoy asked to be tagged. I don’t know if my tags are working well but if they don’t i will send you the link of the post. 
I decided to make this post because i finished all the avaliable episodes of the series two days ago and, having a long talk with my sister about this topic, i tought this is too awesome to not discuss it here. We are both studying in careers of the social field, i'm in sociology and she is in social work. We watched the show together and talking with her inspired my own ideas i would like to share here.
This show was a wonderfull surprise in terms of social commentary. I haven't watched one with such a great commentary since American Gods. In that case i was expecting some degree of progressive commentary because i had read the book previously and i was aware the source material had some, the one added for the series is even better and it was great, but it wasn't a shock to find it. For The Boys i haven't read the comics first and , even when i loved the show for lots of reasons, the amazing on spot social commentary was a hell of a surprise. I have been frustrated lately in terms of the messages in entertaiment products because, even when there is a lot of intention for part of the makers to make more progressive points in their stuff, everything becomes bland marketing to me most of the time. I remember that some years ago media used to came out unintentionally with some really cool progressive messages ( like, for example, " a bug's life" and its anti capitalist message). That stuff seemed soo genuine and today i feel that everytime a product targets my demographic in that sense what they deliver it's soo bland and fake that the progressive intention of the message gets lost in the absolutely obvious intention of selling something to me using my ideals as catch. Precisely this is an important point of critic in this show. I didn't expected at all to get a genuine feeling in the social commentary of a superhero show. I'm not saying that this means i think the makers believe in this (after all, it's amazon), what i praise here is how good they did it. In a time when most productions claim to have a social commentary behind to come out as cool but result in shallow fake bullshit this series has provided me with something that feels autentic. Like American Gods, what i feel the show is trying to tell me actually gets me.
Before starting with the proper talk i want to dedicate a few línes to recommend a few scenes of the show i just mentioned. I was super dissapointed after finding out they will probably end up turning it into more bland fake bullshit for season 3 but, to anyone who likes well delivered social commentary, check on Orlando Jones's scenes as Anansi. He is my favourite character from the show and all his scenes are a blessing. 
I would also want to clarify that this post and the opinions displayed on it are from an anti capitalist, intersectional feminist and latin american perspective. I know the show is very american, the issues it discusses are most of the time worlwide but it has particularities of the american context so i will try to talk only of what i feel i know enough to have a word. I'm argentinian and we have our local versions of some of this problems but i will stay in the series territory trying to be as faithfull as i can to the american reality it gets inspiration from. Also, forgive me for any mistakes on my writing and expresions. English is not my native language. 
Superheros are modern mythology. How would this work in real life?
This is the basic premise of the show’s worldbuilding. The great thing is that this concept is not developed in an edgy, pretentious way. It is serious and painfully real because it’s not only a subversion of tropes, it says a lot of what superheros are to us as a modern times myth. In a superficial view, the world of The Boys feels like what the MCU could have become after the Sokovia accords if they would have been efficiently followed on a worldwide scale.
In that particular universe i use as reference, our superheros are noble and morally heroic individuals.State intervention is the factor threatening to corrupt their actions making them follow the interests of the system. The risk there, along with some very shady violations of human rights to powered people, is having superheros tied to something as unstable as political power. You can fear, for example, what a Trump-like president could do if he had power over the Avengers because, again, the heros are not corrupt, their line of command is. Now, if we strip away all the idealization we had putted on this bunch of powered persons and see them as what they truly are at the end of the day, people like everyone else. Why are we supposed to believe they are immune to corruption? If we also consider the phenomenon of strong privatization of security that has been growing worldwide . Wouldn’t they be more like security workers working for a private contractor? Less like heros and more like private military / security officers?  Now, this is what we are talking about. 
What feels so different from this show is that it assumes a surprisingly realistic point of view on a modern fantasy we are very used to consuming and still constructs a new power fantasy that empowers the viewer. I’ m saying this as an MCU fan, I had grown too comfortable with this optimistic fantasy and this twist from it is brilliant. To put some context on what i want to say here i will try to explain myself first on why i think that superhero fiction have this enormous popularity today and it has become such a huge thing in entertainment. Besides of the obvious reason of big companies producing big exciting action blockbusters for the genre, it’s curious to think on how much these stories gathered a lot of progressive audiences. In past decades action blockbusters didn’t felt progressive, today’s superhero blockbusters were embraced by progressive audiences and this was the start of a twist in general for the media. I think that there is a contextual social reason for this, not the only factor but one i feel is considerable. 
Late Stage Capitalism crushed us, we are so used to injustice and the control the system has over us is so big that we have slowly stopped dreaming of changing it ourselves. Instead, the fantasy of a superhuman who has the power we don’t have saving us from oppression feels really comforting. Captain America becoming such a huge icon in the middle of a time where extreme facism is rising again all over the world, for example. I don’t know much about his comic counterpart but, at least from what i see in the movies, Steve’s ideals feel to me like all those aspects from French Revolution’s  Enlightenment that capitalism dropped away once bourgeois defeated their feudal rivals and capitalism got consolidated, the freedom and equality that feudal lower classes fought for. Today, we feel too small to make a difference so we enjoy the fantasy of powerful persons leading the fight for us. Capitalism feels more unstoppable than ever, it is the only thing who seems strong to remain in a terribly chaotic world. The suffering this cruel system brings to this world is overwhelming, we feel only a miracle can save us now. This is what feeds the narrative of the superhero as modern myth and saviour of humanity.
The Boys tosses aside all our hopes and dreams, presenting us with the most realistic escenario. Superheros are not the miracle we are waiting for, they are humans like everyone else. They are not sacred entities existing beyond our societies, they are part of the system and they insert on it as part of the security industries. They can be corrupted and they work in corrupt institutions in benefit of the ruling class like every other security provider in capitalist societies. They become a new face of the security forces in constant tension with police and military because the myth of the superhero provides them with the public trust those other two forces lost. People lost their trust in cops but they trust sups because they are supposed to be this noble individuals mobilized by their personal feelings of injustice trying to make the world a better place … right? Police are the forces of the ruling class but superheros are supposed to be with us, or at least this is what common sense and propaganda claim, having our hopes as a base to work on. 
For someone so used to the typical superhero fantasy this felt like a slap on my face back to reality. It soo accurate , the system tends to capture any revolutionary input and turn it into profit. Even if the sups could had been a revolutionary factor at the beginning, the most likely thing to happen is for them to become a profitable industry. If we add to this what we already know of the actions of police and military in our real world we have a combo for disaster. The realistic twist is so fresh and painfully real, i can totally see this happening in real life if superheros were a thing. 
We have already introduced ourselves in the world of this story, let’s check on the first main character this series introduces to us. Hughie Campbell, a college age guy who works in an electronics store, lives with his dad and has the most boring average life you can imagine. This guy who is too afraid to ask his boss for a pay raise changes overnight when a superhero kills his girlfriend in front of him and the big corporation the asshole works for covers up the whole thing. The “average guy becomes a hero” trope is not new at all, but the use it has here feels fresh because it is not there only to feed the male geek power fantasy. Hughie is not a geeky average guy only so geeky average guys can identify with him in an action series full of geeky references,he is not there to be the nerdy guy from Robot Chicken. Hughie’s characterization makes a point for everyone. The smallest most unimportant person, the one who can't even stand up for themselves in everyday situations, can make a change. Remember Samwise Gamgee fighting Shelob in Lord of the Rings? Hughie killing Translucent gives me that vibe. If we consider the point i already stated about superheroes being there when we feel too small to fight back injustice, this is the exact opposite. This is a fantasy that gives us the power, makes us think in our own strengths. Hughie is standing up for himself for the first time in his life and he inspires us to fight for our rights. 
Pharmaceutical,Security and Entertainment industries and their business system : Superheros as lab rats,elite security forces and celebrities. 
This part of the post is the hardest to write and the most exquisite. There is so much to talk about about this system Vought shaped tying these three billionaire industries together. The first thing i want to mention, as a point to start, is Butcher’s ramble over the teddy bear with a camera inside in his meeting with Hughie. Perfect introduction for the character with a delightful moment of commentary. In our current societies people live in constant fear for hundreds of reasons. Fears over street crime had skyrocketed all over the world even when crime is not growing uniformly in every country and that accelerated the privatization of security, fears of parents over the strangers they leave they kids with when they are not home inspired products like the one mentioned in the series’s moment, fears on the effects of processed foods are an impulse for the diet industry and i could keep naming lots of other examples. Fears, and the emotional response they trigger , are the base of profitable businesses. 
I had been reading some authors that describe this stage of capitalism as an emotional one. Capitalism preached science and rationality during the past century but today its base of support is an emotional one. To excite the sensations of the people as consumers, to eliminate rational criticism, to push anti popular agendas through emotional excitement and mass hysteria. To cite another example that you can consider bounded to the series, Right Realism in Criminology is now almost common sense and there are people who keep asking for harsher punitive systems. This ideology, with the help of media panic, goes straight after their feelings and fears of being victims of violent crimes. Rational thinking is not the area of discussion, the base of the argument is on fear and pain. Fear of being potential victims, pain shared with the victims thinking in solutions that sound more like revenge than justice. 
Going back to my point, in the world of The Boys this type of punitivism seems to have succeeded even in a greater way than in our current world because it has superheros as backup. If real life harsh punitivism feeds on fear and a wish for social revenge, in this world it has the positive emotions supes inspire on people as a trust certificate for the persons who may not feel that way. They are loved and worshipped celebrities, their faces are everywhere, they have thousands of fans… who would see flaws in what they do? Can you imagine a world in which we worshipped cops and soldiers like we worship celebrities? This is it, people put their blind faith in them because most of them seem to be their fans. Even the people who are against brutality in the actions of security forces would end up trusting them because they are famous people. Our culture has taught us to make ourselves blind to the bullshit we see on the celebrities we love. Fans have a strong emotional attachment to their favourite celebs and this can turn into emotional manipulation in this context. If actors or singers in real life can have a fanbase that forgets to see them as human people how would these actual superhumans not end up being worshipped as gods? 
There has always been military propaganda in entertainment but this marriage between the industries through superheros is far more sinister than that. It makes you think about the unfair amount of credibility we put in celebrities. The plane crash scene of Homelander and Maeve it’s even more devastating looking at it from that perspective. Those persons had their full trust in them and they were safer with the terrorists. Can you imagine being a Homelander fan and dying there?  That’s horrible, the last thing you get in your life is the biggest disappointment ever from someone you trusted and stanned. 
 Speaking of Homelander, he is a right wing wet dream and one of the best villians i had ever seen, he makes me feel sick with how fucking despicable he is. His character is an excellent point to start the ramble on the third wheel of this corporate nightmare. Superheros are products of the pharmaceutical industry, injected with a drug since they were babies. In his particular case, he was raised like a lab rat and the series is realistic even in this detail. The lab rat kid with superpowers is another common trope that we see pretty often and here it also gets twisted. I’m thinking for example on Eleven from Stranger Things, she has been raised by abusive scientists who treated her as an experiment, yet she is this sweet kiddo who has a hard time socializing. Instead, Homelander is a monster without conscience or mercy and seems to be severely affected by his abnormal childhood. Brilliant, he is the ultimate product of this corporative triangle and depicts everything that's wrong with it. 
The cycle is pretty clear: drugs create them, they play their role in security and their media notoriety justifies their actions. As it is shown in season one,  the security aspect of the corporate complex represented mostly in Homelander’s actions craves to grow bigger and get supes into the military since, in the startpoint of the series, they only work with cops. Since the industry feeds on fear and Vought seems to have a monopoly in the production of powered persons there were no threats big enough to justify the intervention of superhumans in wars. Dismissing the importance of this monopoly for the company, Homelander suministrates the drug to terrorist groups in an attempt to create the first super villains. This is a perfect analogy of how the american war machine works. There is no way for terrorist groups from Third World countries to get access to sophisticated war technology without help from the ones who wield that power better than anyone. The first mentions of the supe terrorists reminded me of when i was in my course of worldwide history in college and i learned there how most of those famous names in middle eastern terrorism were actually friends with the CIA before at some point. Here in South America we have other history regarding the style of USA intervention, the Plan Condor dictatorships in the 70’s and early 80’s. I was just starting my career when I had a month of history classes about the Middle East and, being pretty ignorant on the matter, it shocked me the way in which the US villainized people they used to work with. I think the series makes a great point with this part of the plot because it hints something of this war mechanics. 
Gender politics of the series: a surprisingly complex approach on the topic of sexual assault ,a realistic critic to bland white feminism and the empty cashgrabbing ways in which mainstream media adapts feminist discourse.
This topic was even a bigger surprise for me. I wasn't expecting such an interesting approach of gender issues, mostly because this is the area in which media wannabe woke messages had become more dissapointing to me lately. Specially in a show about superheros, i wasn't expecting to get very interesting points.
I will start talking of the portrayals of sexual assault. We have two sexually assaulted characters in the series, Starlight and Becca. First, i think it is great that they didn't used the "rape as character development" trope. Actually, it's cool how they mock this conceptions. When Starlight saves a woman from being raped on the streets or when she makes a public statement about her sexual assault it's the people behind her, building her public image as a character, the ones who push that trope. In the first time their great character development idea is to sexualize her outfit, after the second event mentioned they literally push her sexual assault as development. I love how the public relationships team acts oftenly in a men writing women way, serving as mirror for the most common mistakes of writers on pop culture products when they write female characters.
Going back to my point, i like the effort they putted into portraying differences in both cases. Homelander is the typical portrayal of a rapist, a narcisistic monster without remorse, a deranged son of a bitch. The Deep is also a piece of shit, but of a different kind. There is a phrase that feminists of my country had popularized " los violadores son hijos sanos del patriarcado" ( it means, the rapists are healthy sons of the patriarchy. It tries to explain they are not crazy individuals who act outside societal circunstancies), the Deep reminded me of that.
He is not crazy, he is an insecure guy with a super fragile ego who abuses women for power. Insecurity on men under patriarchy tends to become bashing of women. This is not a black and white portrayal of a sex criminal, it is surprisingly complex. Of course,his actions were unexcusable. He will never repay what he did to Starlight and other women before her but he has chances of working on his issues and, eventually if he trully wants to get better, stop being the scumbag he is. He is not a deranged criminal whose only fate is to be neutralized for the safety of others.
I think this is important because, at least in my country, i had seen people using sex offenders as an example of why countries without death penalty should implement it. I don't support extreme autoritarian security measures and it makes me sick to hear that there are people claiming those as solutions in the name of women's safety. I like the approach they took to portray The Deep as the piece of shit he is but still showing the complexity of this issue instead of going for a more traditional dichotomic way.
Back to the mocking of mainstream media's attempts of adopting a feminist approach i mentioned, the season two got even better at this commentary on the "Strong Female Character" trope with the introduction of Stormfront. She is the literal embodiment of what shitty marketing says an empowered female character must be and has the biggest "I'm not like other girls" complex ever. That interaction she had with Starlight in "pink = bad, pants = cool" mood was super annoying and blaming her for the assault?? Freaking disgusting.
Honestly, i hated her soo much even before she showed her true colours completely. Stormfront represents everything i hate in Hollywood's feminism and the crappy meaningless messages it's pushing lately. She reminds me to all the fake "woke" advertisements i had seen on tv, like a Carefree (pads brand) advertisement that pissed me off last week because with the slogan " self trust is beauty" it portrayed girls who wear make up as fake and insecure.
Now, speaking of that particular scene of her killing Kimiko's brother. I felt literally sick, even sicker than in every Homelander scene. This bitch is worst than Homelander because at least he gathers a public that serves to his views. If you ever need to provide someone with a proof of why intersectionality in feminism matters use this racist bitch. Horryfying racism hidden behind the progressive mask of a bullshit privileged version of feminism, the thing i hate the most. She has a strong nazi terf vibe. I think she absolutely applies as mirror of critic to stuff like Rowling's terf nonsense. 
The introspective look this series has regarding the multiple issues on today’s attempts of gender approach on media entertainment surprised me. It’s everything i would had wished something to point out but nobody seemed to have the guts to make it happen because, as i already said, the current trend is what it’s being focus of critic here. 
I will end this now, i feel there is plenty of more stuff to talk about but this post is getting very long and, if i get more ideas i want to discuss, i can always make a second post. As i said before, this expresses my humble opinions and i’m open to hear different interpretations that can enrich my views. 
Thanks for reading this extra long ramble. 
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firemblem-fics · 4 years ago
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SFW alphabet. | seteth
-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader
-> Warnings: None
-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons
-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while
warning, long post.
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A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life
when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.
B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)
it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.
you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.
C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)
cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.
you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.
D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)
seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon
he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice
E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.
F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)
not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.
G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.
emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting
H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you
seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.
I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)
NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.
he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.
J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.
if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person
K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you
he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin
this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.
L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)
seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.
M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)
three words. soft, soft, and soft
you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.
N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)
also soft, but a little less.
seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker
O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)
this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him
if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it
P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)
seteth has the patience of a saint
hehe
but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well
Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.
R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding
S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.
he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude
count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow
T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)
seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you
of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you
U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit
V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)
seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.
he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.
W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around
X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.
Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)
in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.
this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason
Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)
seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.
if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃
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cafedanslanuit · 4 years ago
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✦ • ° *.  — Saeran's After Ending —  . * ° • ✦
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chapter guide  |  chat with me  |  maybe a coffee?
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summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?
chapter warnings: [check chapter guide for story warnings] mentions and/or descriptions of night terrors
c h a p t e r   f o u r   —   it’s not like me to be so mean you’re all i wanted
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“Are you sure about this?” MC asked as she stepped into Jumin’s office. He closed the door behind her and sat on one of the sofas, inviting her to do the same.
“I already told you it’s more than okay. We have an interior designer but I… I am discontent with how this office looks. I want to change it and you need a job, what’s there more to ask?”
“I guess you’re right,” she replied with a smile, taking out a notebook from her purse. “I guess I was just worried you would have a problem with your father about hiring a different interior designer.”
“Not at all, I made all the normal paperwork C&R asks for a new employee, like a background check and some other revisions. You will also get the benefits freelancers get from our company, in case you were wondering.”
MC shot her eyes up at Jumin. He looked back at her, his eyebrow slightly raised. The silence between both of them became thick, the notebook on MC’s hands trembling slightly
“You’re worried about what I saw on the background check,” Jumin rationalizes, crossing one of his legs over the other one. MC nodded, her eyes darting from her notebook to the man sitting in front of her. Never before had she felt so vulnerable with someone from the RFA.
All this time, she believes only Saeyoung knew about it, since he was a hacker. She had done the best to hide her steps, never commenting on anything she shouldn’t have, knowing that even though Saeran was a better hacker than Saeyoung, he trusted her enough to not dig around her past and she planned to keep it that way.
She would tell him eventually, she had told herself. When she was ready.
“You shouldn’t worry about that. It’s not like you did something wrong,” the man in front of her said. “By your reaction I assume no one knows? Well, Saeyoung probably does. Does Saeran…?” MC shook her head. “I see. Well, he won’t hear it from me,” he assured her. “You can stop worrying about that.”
MC stayed in silence for another moment and then opened her small notebook with a long sigh.
“I’m guessing you’re going to want cats somewhere?” she asked with a small smile, to which Jumin imitated her.
“I actually do. I’ve been thinking about getting some cat pottery. I’ve found a couple of those at a designer website that seem to be a good fit.”
“Can you send me the link, please?” she asked, taking a note. “I will try to see if they still have them.”
The rest of the conversation fluctuated between casual conversation and ideas about Jumin’s new office. Even though she tried her best, she couldn’t shake the feeling of someone else knowing what had happened a few years ago. She wasn’t ready to tell everyone (and a part of her was sure she would never be) and now she felt as if Jumin was finally looking at the real her. The way he talked to her was the same, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something was bound to happen at any second, that if too many people knew about it, somehow history would repeat itself.
Jumin insisted she returned home with Driver Kim and, as soon as she jumped out of the car, she went straight to the kitchen. Distract yourself , had been the clear indication she had been told whenever her thoughts were too much. She put her earphones on with music on high volume as she followed the recipe.
Distract yourself , she repeated the words someone else told her before. No. She didn’t get to break down at something that didn't happen. Jumin didn’t question her about it. Hell, Saeyoung had never questioned her about it. Why would she allow herself to feel like this?
No, she deserved to feel like this. She had the right to feel scared, she had the right to feel whatever she wanted to feel. It had happened a while back, yes, but it was not going to happen again. She felt her chest tighten. It was not happening again. Just because people knew didn’t make it any different. She wasn’t in the wrong, she hadn’t done nothing to feel shame about what happened. It was okay, she was going to be okay, she was--
She felt a hand over her shoulder and screamed.
“It’s me, it’s me!” Saeyoung said, raising his hands in surrender as you took your earphones off. “I’m sorry, I asked you something and you didn’t listen. I’m sorry.”
MC shook her head. “It's okay. You just startled me, that’s all. Not used to you being without  the leg cast.”
“How did it go with Jumin?” Saeyoung asked carefully.
“Oh, it was okay. He has some ideas so maybe I’ll work on that later. I have to bring him a proposal by the end of the week,” she explained. Saeyoung nodded and waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. He understood.
“I was just going to ask what you were planning on cooking today,” Saeyoung said, his tone playful, trying to lift her mood. “Honestly, I’ve been so blessed since you started taking care of the food around here. God listened to his humble server and said: You! You deserve good food!” he joked, pointing at a corner in the kitchen. MClaughed. “And I was there, choking on a Honey Buddah probably, agog, aghast,” he said, running to the same corner and playing himself. “Thankful. Blessed. Touched by God’s light and MC’s cooking.”
More laughter erupted from MC as Saeyoung kept joking around. The door opened and they both saw Saeran entering the apartment, hands on his pockets and a dull expression on his face.
“Saeran! I made dinner,” Saeyoung beamed.
“I made dinner,” she corrected him, elbowing him on the ribs playfully. MC looked over at Saeran and smiled at him. “It’s going to be ready in twenty minutes or so.”
“I don’t want it,” Saeran muttered, leaving his keys on the small coffee table. Her smile faded and she did the best to bring it back up.
“Should I save you some for later?”
“No,” he said, avoiding her gaze and heading over to his room. The smile on her face finally vanished and she felt once more a hand on your shoulder. Saeyoung looked at MC apologetically and she shrugged, trying to rest importance to what just had happened.
“I’m guessing you do want some?” she asked and he immediately nodded with a smile.
“Please, I’m starving,” he sighed, putting a hand on his neck theatrically. You giggled and went back to your cooking, listening to Saeyoung rant about something he had seen on a movie the past week.
You had never been so thankful to have him.
Apparently, decorating an office with little cat motives while also maintaining a professional look was harder than MC had expected. She had been up all night in her room looking for new furniture and items she could add, drawing and drawing Jumin’s room in her pad and checking the photos and measurements she had taken earlier over and over again.
It felt good to finally be back to work again. After months of thinking only about religious cults and Saeran’s recovery, she knew she needed to get back on track. She had been without a job for about two months when Saeran had first contacted her to try out “an app”, and thinking she hadn’t many job opportunities before and rent wasn’t going to wait for her, she had taken it.
And now there she was, four months later trying to get back on the saddle.
MC clicked the next page on the website and a pop up of a blonde woman offering her help navigating the website made chills run down her spine. How long would it be until she could stop thinking about Rika? She took a sip of her coffee and let out a long sigh.
She still couldn’t believe Rika was found unimpeachable. Her attorney had brought a psychiatrist to the court who claimed to have assessed her as she waited for the trial. Apparently, Rika had been through her fair share of trauma as a child. Thanks to Yoosung, MC already knew Rika had been adopted by cruel parents and judging by what she’d seen at Mint Eye, she was sure Rika wasn’t in her best mental state. The updates MC read online didn’t provide any video of the trial itself as some subjects were private, but the source did confirm Rika was practically delusional. She had talked about a childhood friend named Mika, who she claimed has given her the idea for Mint Eye. But when Rika’s attorney tried looking for her, he discovered said Mika had died at the brief age of ten years, just a couple of years after being adopted.
Apart from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the psychiatrist had diagnosed Rika with, it seemed Rika couldn’t differentiate real life from her imagination anymore. The psychiatrist claimed she also had a complex personality disorder that could take time to correctly diagnose. The information presented on trial was enough for the judge to find Rika unimpeachable and sent her to a mental facility to spend the rest of her days.
The night she read those updates from the trial, as she rocked Saeran softly to help him sleep again after a nightmare, MC let herself cry again, torn between the feelings of wanting her to suffer and trying to understand she hadn’t been in her right mind from a very young age. As she looked through the window, she thought about V. She remembered Saeran mentioning V had been a victim of Rika as well and her heart broke by how much suffering he had been into while also being kind to her during the days MC spent at Mint Eye.
MC closed her eyes and wished V were healing as she was thinking about him.
A loud crash startled her, making her look at the door. Another crash and screams followed and she quickly stood up, recognizing Saeran’s voice immediately. She opened Saeran’s room and found him tossling on his bed, eyes closed and face damp with sweat.
“Saeran, wake up,” she whispered, standing on the edge of the bed. “Saeran, baby, it’s a nightmare,” she said in the softest voice possible, grazing his arm with her fingertips.
The door opened again and Saeyoung entered, his honey eyes widening at his brother screaming on the bed. He quickly jumped on the bed, ignoring MC’s protests and took Saeran by the shoulders, sitting him up.
“Saeran, wake up!” he said, shaking his shoulders. Saeran’s teal eyes opened and Saeyoung smiled again. “Hey, it was a--”
And that was when the first strike hit.
Saeran had punched Saeyoung in the face, who had fallen on the bed backwards. Saeran hit him once more as his brother tried to cover himself. MC gasped loudly and quickly latched herself on Saeran’s back, trying to restrain his arms the best she could.
“Saeran, it was a nightmare!” she yelled. She could hear Saeyoung’s grunts underneath his brother and she wished she had more strength than Saeran. “You’re safe! You’re not in Min Eye, you’re safe!” she assured him, using all the force she had to restrain his arms, stopping him from hitting Saeyoung any further. “Saeran, you’re safe!”
It took Saeran a moment to stop his movements. His body immediately tensed up and MC figured out he had noticed Saeyoung’s body underneath him. When she demeaned safe, she let go of his arms, which fell limp against his sides.
“Are you okay?” she whispered and looked at Saeran nodding slowly.
“What happened?” he asked in a hoarse voice.
Saeyoung got up from bed and MC noticed the faint stain of blood on his cheek. He put his hand over Saeran’s shoulder and shrugged nonchalantly.
“You had a nightmare, but it’s okay now!” he said with a grin. Saeran looked up with a grimace.
“I hurt you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I hardly doubt she did,” Saeran muttered, his head leaning to MC’s side. Saeyoung dismissed him, moving his hand.
“Don’t worry about it. Gonna get cleaned up, try to get some rest, bro,” he said, leaving Saeran’s room.
Without a word, Saeran got back into his bed and even let MC put the sheets over him. Her face was full of concern and he realized for the first time, she was quiet after one of his nightmares. She would usually talk to him, trying to get his thoughts to stop swimming around like they were in that moment.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked, making her eyes look at him. She quickly nodded.
“I held you back, so you didn’t hurt me,” she replied, putting a strand of his hair behind his ear. “But don’t worry about that now. Did you take your pill before falling asleep?”
Saeran nodded, watching MC’s lips purse.
“They will start working better soon, I promise,” she whispered. Saeran watched her lean down as she always did to leave a kiss on his forehead but stopped herself. His chest ached. “I’m still working on that Jumin project, so I’ll be awake for a while. Knock my door if anything happens, okay?” she asked him sweetly and he nodded once more.
Battling with her intense desire to stay, MC stood up and left Saeran’s room without looking back. There wasn’t anything in the world she wanted more than to stay by his side until he fell back asleep but she also knew he needed to get better without the need to have her around. He couldn’t depend on her, no matter how much she was craving to go back and snuggle up with him, trying to chase all his nightmares away.
There was also the lingering concern about Saeyoung.
She found him in the bathroom, trying to pour alcohol over the wound on his cheek. She stopped him and made him sit on the toilet gently, trying to assess the damage. Thankfully, his cheekbone didn’t seem to be broken and the wound on his cheek was small, so there wasn’t the need for stitches. MC started cleaning it up in silence with a cotton pad, taking her time.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered. She quickly shook her head.
“You didn’t know. But in the future, when he gets those night terrors… you need to wake him up gently. Works best on him or he gets confused and sometimes violent,” she explained. A move of her hand made Saeyoung hiss. “Sorry,” she whispered.
“Duly noted,” Saeyoung tried to smile, but failed. MC some cream on the other cheek, hoping it didn’t bruise too much.
“Just give him some time, please,” she asked him softly.
“Don’t worry for me, MC,” Saeyoung grinned. “I’m okay.”
MC wished she believed him.
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tripleaxeldiaz · 4 years ago
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a year ago today, i got fired from a job that i hated, and was feeling a lot of things, so i wrote it all down and set a reminder for myself to read it in a year
a lot of other really bad shit happened between then and now, but i’m also a lot happier and in a lot better mental place than i was when i wrote this. i have a new job that i really like, i’m moving in with my best friend in a few months, and i don’t feel so goddamn tired and sad all the time like i did 365 days ago
so i’m posting it here, mostly for my own sake, but also in case anyone else is Going Though It and feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. i promise you, it’s there. it might be far away, and the path might be a little wonky, but you’ll get to it
It’s Tuesday and it’s raining and I just got fired.
They pulled me into a conference room I had scheduled for hundreds of interviews - secluded, away from the bustle of the company, private.
Corinna told me, essentially, that I had improved in the areas they were looking at, but not enough for it to matter.
She left me with Cari, one of my favorites, who went over my separation agreement and how I would get paid for the next few weeks. Her eyes looked a little wet, but that may have just been my own.
She told me this would be a blip - plenty of people had gone through the same thing and they barely remember it.
I’m sure she’s right, but I want to remember it.
I held myself together when they told me the news. When Corinna left, Cari asked me how I was doing. I told her, honestly, “It is what it is. What else could I even do at this point?” 
I cried a little then. Not necessarily because I was sad - mostly because I was overwhelmed.
When I left, I called Caitlin - she’s a 15 minute walk, and I didn’t want to take the train all the way back to Brooklyn.
I was ashamed mostly - like who even gets fired? Isn’t that for slackers who are bad at their job and can’t do anything right?
To be fair, that’s how I felt most of the time here. And I just had an inkling, for the past few weeks really, that something like this was looming. People were acting different. Maybe they thought I didn’t notice. I did.
Caitlin didn’t answer so I called my parents. They were in Florida visiting Papa and thought I butt-dialed them. That’s when I really started crying - again from the shame, not from being sad. How embarrassing was it to tell your parents, who think the world of you, that you screwed up and lost your job? That all that money they funneled toward college apparently didn’t mean anything?
If you couldn’t tell, I may have been spiraling a bit.
The spiral made me forget how much my parents love me and support me for a minute. They quickly reminded me. Everything they said was true - I hated this job, I had money saved in the bank, this was probably a relief more than anything.
It was. A huge relief. So huge I didn’t even realize the tension I’d been holding in my entire body for the past 6 (or maybe 18) months had finally lifted. I felt like I could breathe again/
The thing about a depressive episode is that you sometimes don’t even know you’re in it until you’re out.
They told me to take the day - relax, regroup, refocus - and tomorrow I can get to work on finding something else. I had a call with a staffing agency the day before and another call tonight. Things were being put in motion.
I hung up and Megan snapped me. I called her too since she was awake.
“How are you?” she asked
“Well I just got fired, so I’ve been better,” I said.
The shame was gone apparently. Sarcasm to cope was back.
I talked to her, I talked to Caitlin, I talked to Elaine, who funnily enough had also just lost her job.
Shahana and Ellen too.
They all said the same thing: this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
And the spooky part? Literally the night before, Jane and I were talking about our jobs we don’t like but need to keep to dig our way out of debt, how we can’t afford to quit even though we’re unbelievably unhappy.
It’s almost like the universe heard us and was like, “Oh you want to quit that badly? Well I’ll just go ahead and do it for you.”
A blessing in disguise if ever there was one.
Now I’m home, in the middle of the day (also why do it on a Tuesday? And in the morning after my hour commute to the office?) and I’m writing it all down - I want to remember, a year from now, or 5 or 10 or 20, that this was a pretty hard low to hit.
That I felt ashamed and mad and a little sad.
That, despite the fact that I had been told repeatedly that people at this job supported me and wanted me to succeed, only 2 people out of the 10 on my team (plus sweet Sayde) have texted me to check in on how I’m doing.
But even with all that, I’m feeling good. A little excited. A lot fired up.
Today I will sit on my couch and wallow a little bit and do nothing.
Tomorrow I will try again.
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ahsoka-lives · 5 years ago
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Iris pt. 1
The Elevator  Inquisitor!Cal x Reader- Parts 2&3 are up now!
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Word Count: 1417
Warnings: none. nosmutyet
A/n: I cannot write summaries to save my life but this is the first part of a series I’m doing for Cal because I love him sm and there just is not enough fics for him! Pleaseeee be gentle I haven't written in ages but I am open to constructive feedback. Ty!!!  I Forgot to put this in when I originally posted so I’m sorry about that but, the gif is NOT MINE. It’s by @calkesttiss​ 
   You considered yourself lucky. There were thousands of jobs to fill throughout the Empire, and you had managed to get one of the more comfortable ones. You were a droid technician on a remote imperial base where high ranking officers, special forces, and the ever-intriguing inquisitors lived when not doing the empire’s bidding. Unfortunately for you, there were more droids aboard the ship than people meaning your days were often busy. Each room was equipped with a kitchen droid and an automated laundry machine etc. Its a bit ridiculous, but you were in no position to make such comments. 
You had just finished your last appointment for the day, the light control panel had given out in someone’s office, and you were making the fairly long walk back to your living quarters. As you walked past the massive training room you couldn’t help but let your gaze wander over the last few who were still going at it at this hour. Your eyes linger on a man who was blocking blaster shots fired from a training droid with a staff. His back muscles flex with every subtle and not so subtle movement of his arms that were equally toned. You felt your breath catch in your throat when you caught a glimpse of his face. He was beautiful. His hair was a brilliant reddish-orange that contrasted well with his black training gear. His jaw was sharp and eyebrows furrowed in concentration. And his eyes were such a nice compliment to his freckles, a deep green that reflected the light emitted by the blaster, and oh they were staring right at you.
Oh, Gods. How long had it been since he realized you were being a creep! A blush burned into your cheeks as you quickly turned to continue down the hall as fast as you could without running. What was Wrong with you?? Why did you have to drool over the possibly very dangerous man who was training to be more dangerous? You sigh to yourself as you reach the elevator and quickly push the button and step inside. 
“Safe at last.” You mutter as you enter your floor code into the elevator pad. A light ding sounded and the doors began closing and they were so so close to shutting but you just weren’t that lucky. A hand shot between the doors causing them to hum open again. Tall and lean, the man you had been gawking at stepped in beside you. 
You stiffened and forced your eyes ahead of you, wanting to avoid all and any eye contact. You can’t believe your luck. All this time on this base and you had managed to keep yourself out of any distasteful situations. And now, here you are chest pumping, eyes frozen ahead of you and thinking of how quickly he could take you out. Hell, he was probably trained for it and the men(and women) who resided here did not handle disrespect well. You frequently had to repair damages caused by the temperamental and egotistical residents. You recall how defined his arms were as the thought of them being used to snap your neck crossed your mind, only to be interrupted by the feeling of someone standing unbelievably close to you. 
An arm was reaching over your shoulder with ease to input another floor causing you to gasp lightly. His chest was radiating warmth and it seeped across your shoulders and back. Before he could finish punching in his floor code you were shuffling away from him, putting as much space between you and his enticing warmth. 
“Sorry, I- I wasn’t paying attention.” The words just tumble from your lips before you catch your brain forming them. 
“Was I that distracting?” He muses now leaning against the elevator wall, relaxed and now he is the one staring. You feel his eyes burning holes into your head.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Great plan. Just pretend nothing ever happened. You almost want to laugh at yourself. 
“Oh, so that was someone else’s heart I could feel pounding when I caught your eyes? Good to know.” You could practically hear the smirk forming on his lips. 
Bing! Sweet relief, how long was that elevator ride?? 
“No, sorry you must be mistaken.” You rush your words and hurry to get off but your wrist is caught in his warm and surprisingly comforting hand- you’re cursing yourself for your thoughts and turn to face him. You’re certain your heart had stopped all together now. He was so close. His eyes boring into yours as you tried to wipe the scared look off your face. 
“There’s no need to be afraid of me. I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice is deep and gentle as his eyes scan your face. He is so much prettier up close. His lips are a subtle pink and you can’t help but think how they might feel agains- Wait.. was he smirking again?
You snap out of it and you take your wrist from his grasp. You realize how flustered the elevator made you as you take in the free air. You also realize the man was now wearing a sweater, also black, but the most surprising was the symbol on the right side of his chest. He’s wearing the badge of an Inquisitor. 
“Are you always this quiet...” He pauses and leans a bit toward you to read your ID badge. “Y/n” He sighs your name testing it on his tongue, seeing how it tastes. A small smile creeps onto his face and steps back into the elevator, letting the doors seal and finally carry him away. 
You turn and rush to your room. You quickly lock the door behind you as if he would be knocking on your door at any moment. And if he wanted to, he could. Inquisitors are the highest ranking in the building. They lead the special forces units and the officers. They’re force-sensitive assassins with the utmost skill. Hell, some can even read minds. They each have their own private hall and keep mostly to themselves. They live by a different set of rules than the rest of us, they have more leeway to do as they please. It makes sense, with what they do for the empire, they must be kept content. 
But what did that mean for you? He had said he didn’t want to hurt you which is a good sign. 
You sigh and make your way to the shower. You turn on the water and let it warm up while you strip off your uniform. A simple pullover sweater and pants, your dress code was relaxed since you work where people live. You step under the warm water and let your brain unwind. Before you know it, your mind is back on the Inquisitor. Maker, he was pretty. Strong, agile but also somewhat kind and reserved. He gave off confidence but it wasn’t arrogance. Your mind wandered to his hands and how his touch felt against your skin, it made something swell inside of you that you almost didn’t recognize. 
You groaned and shook your head. You did Not want to end up being tied to an Inquisitor. Could they even be involved with someone? You tell yourself you shouldn’t even care because it was never going to happen. Why are you even assuming he wants anything to do with the girl he caught staring at him from across the room? 
After turning off the water and wrapping yourself in a towel you pick up your clothes to carry to your room. A light thud makes startles you, your ID had fallen from your sweater. You pick it up and glance over it, a nervousness comes over you as you remember that your badge not only says your name but your occupation and call number. 
How much attention had the Inquisitor paid to your badge? 
Beeeep boop beep!
A notification sounded on your tablet, someone booked an appointment with you. 
“Read it to me, B-5.” You call to your droid who was cooking dinner in your kitchen. 
“Appointment for Malfunctioning BD-1 Droid at 0900 Hours. Location: Floor level 7, Cal Kestis.” Your droid recites. “Would you like to see the full card, y/n?” 
“Sure pull it up, B-5” You couldn’t remember issuing anyone a BD-1 droid so they must have brought it in themselves. You go meet your droid companion in the kitchen and  there was the answer to your question, one of them anyways.
The Inquisitor paid great attention to your badge. 
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