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They put the kid who celebrates their birthday party alone and crying in charge of promoting a drag show and wondered why we didn't fill the house.
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Client griping below.
I am helping a family that moved here recently with some things and they want a maternity shoot. I told the mother that we could do October 18 at 4. She said okay.
Then a lot of stuff happened and they said they couldn't do the 18th. I said okay. They were talking about doing it next weekend instead, even if that meant she'd miss out on the fall colors and I said I can suggest some locations that are cute and wintry. She said okay.
My girlfriend is doing dress alterations for her. She's talking to me on Saturday as if the shoot is Sunday. I ask the client and she says 'yes, what time.'
-______-
I tell her 4.
Okay.
Wake up this morning and they've both slept through their alarms.
"Can we do 5?"
...it gets dark at 6:30 now. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but communication is kind of a big deal for me.
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Dancer drama. Petty Olympics Ahead
No one in this story is guiltless, not even me. But here's why I haven't been posting any photos of Oniya Divine anymore.
I want to say that I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt because she is a newcomer to the dance scene and we all make mistakes in our first couple of years and I think she's trying to do it all on her own- which is the hard way to do anything.
But.
Gotdamn.
First time I saw her was at a big open air festival and she was going by Princess Oniya. We saw her dance in a kind of 'sun goddess' costume that to the average non-costumer looks like a beautiful, authentic costume; but because my girlfriend is a costumer and I'm a dancer- we knew it was the 'belly lady' skirt from Amazon. She did not call it 'bellydance.' She called it 'feminine expression of water.' Which is fine! This particular show was big on being a little kooky with their lineup so why not?
Her dance was beautiful. I would have called it contemporary jazz. She has an amazing stage presence. Like there's a lot to appreciate about her performances.
I asked for an email address so I could get the photos I took to her and where I could find her on socials in order to cross promote, which is how I found her gigsalad.
I got nosy and read a little bit of it and the blurb was like 'never rehearsed, never the same- this dance is an expression of the soul and you never know what you're going to get.' Which is not a great marketing tactic but I was like… ah- improv.
See her again at a few different shows, do my bit. By this time she's solidly going by Oniya Divine. Which I think suits her because there was something a little ecstatic about the way that she danced. But she's also calling herself a 'bellydancer' and I'm like… hold on now. What style is this, because it doesn't look like any of the styles that I grew up with. It still looks like contemporary jazz, but with a hip scarf. Okay? I mean people use the hip scarves for samba and cha cha so its not a big deal.
Then there was arts fest, where she hired me to take photos.
She missed… a lot of cues. Like… a lot of them. Like she finished dancing a good 30 seconds before the song was done. Which is the downside of improv- if you can't hear the music to dance to it you're out of luck. But my job is to make people look good and I do it well.
Our troupe has been trying to get into the arts fest for like ten years.
The glamour is starting to wear off a bit at this point. But she comes up to me and my girlfriend and she's very sweet. She's very nice. And my girlfriend will talk to anyone so she started asking her questions. Oniya says she keeps her dance life very separate from her non-dance life, and I'm a touch confused by this because coming from a family of dancers its like… how do you separate these things? Dance is my community. Dance is my support. Dance is where my friends are.
But to each their own. Girlfriend gleans that she's very Christian, so maybe its a case of her church disapproving of the dance- which was never a problem for us but we were Methodist so that's a whole nother kettle of fish.
Which brings us to September with 2023 Mystics and Marvels- which is a show that I go to every year because its where I started doing event photography and I use it as a guide to see how I've improved as a photographer.
I did not post any of the photos of Oniya from that show, but she was there.
So here's where it gets… really messy.
Every performer at this show gets a booth for free because the gig does not pay well. It is a two day event at a fairgrounds with a dirt floor that features a lot of psychics, mediums, general weirdos. I turn a blind eye to a lot of the stuff that happens at this one because it would be like complaining about cultural appropriation at the cultural appropriation convention.
But I think we went a bit too far this year.
So the acts of this show were this: our dance troupe, a group of fire spinners, a dancer who does fire and sword balancing (stylistically distinct from the other sword and fire acts), a drag troupe, and Oniya.
I am told of a conversation behind the scenes- Oniya asked the show runner (Kay) if she could be paid more for her act, and Kay said no. She quoted what Raven (bellydancer, sword performer) makes for her acts and Kay told her that Raven makes more because she does sword. Oniya said that she does sword, she should be paid more. Kay said "she's worth more." Which is not how I would have phrased that, but I think that Kay and Oniya were already fighting about something else at that time so I can't know what was going on there. But that also kind of put Raven in one hell of a situation. And oh my god you do not tell a black woman that a white woman is worth more.
What the fuck, Kay?
So Oniya doesn't show up to her first set. She doesn't make it until her second set in the evening. When she arrives, I ask her about it and she waves it off.
But also.
She's wearing her usual 'belly lady' outfit in red, but there is a face mask attachment to it that's… so like its straddling the line of whether its racist or not but its sheer, cheaply made, and has coins on it- definitely in that family of 'orientalism' and yes- I know. The cultural appropriation convention.
There's another thing about this that not many people know- its traditional in bellydance to not be in costume when you're not performing. We typically wear some kind of cover around the belly area because in some countries where these styles of dance originate, you can be arrested for walking around with a bare belly. So out of respect for the culture that we're taking inspiration from, we tie a veil around ourselves or we have a cover up or we change out of it completely. She did not do this. So she's walking around in costume.
Again. She has no community. She keeps things separate. She doesn't have anyone to tell her that she's being disrespectful. But none of us are close enough with her socially to be that voice in her life and she's already beyond pissed (you could tell it in her performance that she was still mad. Like... you can tell when a dancer is mad because they dance differently.)
She's also��� enigmatically, putting on some kind of affected accent, something in the Transatlantic meets Queens English. Like this isn't right. This isn't you.
What's going on?
(Also missing a set as a performer is one of those things that you can get blacklisted for.)
So she does her set. We do ours. She's in the audience for ours but I don't think she recognizes me as a dancer. Later, she comes up to Raven and says:
"Oh, its so NICE of you to LET your students perform with you."
Which I don't think she meant it in the way that she said it, but boy did she say it. And Raven was like… "We don't LET them perform with us, we want them to perform with us- because performances are part of building your skills and we want to see our community grow."
And not being present for the conversation I can't say what her response is other than 'oh.'
Her booth is doing tarot readings. There's a million tarot readers here, so its not surprising. But you can tell its her first time doing it and she's struggling. Which we all have a first time doing something, but its a little frustrating to see a line form for a newbie when I'm not getting much traction at all. Which is 100% sour grapes on my part but I'm starting to get rather annoyed by situation because its dipping into my business. And I start thinking about words like 'pretty privilege.' And that's unfair, I know, its jealousy. But I'm being... honest today. That's how I felt.
So that was day 1.
Here's day 2.
I didn't perform on day 2 because it was just the main troupe that day. So I got to do my photo thing.
Our troupe gets on the stage. Its a dirt floor. Raven is doing a thing with a sword and she does a move where she dramatically stabs the earth with it and dances around it. Its very elegant, its very cool, Its full of emotion and performed flawlessly. I catch it on film. Oniya is in the audience.
Oniya visits my booth, finally recognizes who I am. She is wearing something that I'm calling Esmerelda Cosplay, which- I know… cultural appropriation at the cultural appropriation convention. She glows about how she didn't know I was so talented, that I painted and wrote and did multi-media as well as photography… still doesn't recognize me as a dancer. But I can't get over like… how now that the glamour has worn off a little its like… is this genuinely you or are you being supportive because Raven had that conversation about community?
Then its time for her set.
The song she chose for her opening number is the exact same song that another troupe member performed for earlier, which means that the troupe member has to scramble and find another song to perform for her second solo (which wasn't like... the biggest affront because a lot of bellydance music is... similar, but it is very annoying to have to improvise like that at the last minute)
And… she's wearing a sword on her head.
And… okay, trade secrets. Our balancing swords are NOT sharp. They can be sharpened, but for safety reasons they are not sharp. We create the illusion of them being sharp by never touching the edge. You can still, absolutely, injure yourself on one of our swords and that's why we're very careful about performing with them. It is, once again, a skill that you have to hone. There's showmanship involved. The other performer who does sword performs with sharpened swords and I do not know how she does it. I would lose a toe.
I don't know how to describe the sword that Oniya is wearing other than that from far away it looks… plastic. I thought that it was a headband with a sword glued to it like a gag, from the distance that I was seeing it in the wings. But then it wobbled and I was like… okay, its actually balancing- sure. Why does it look so fake?
It doesn't have an edge. It doesn't have a tang. The thing is thick, like an inch thick and there's a texture to it that makes it look like a matte plastic. And its short. A typical balancing sword is about 2 feet long, but this one is like maybe a foot and some change? Like it looks like a toy.
And she is having a hard time keeping it on her head. She's got a headband and she's done her hair up to act as a barrier to keep it from falling backwards, but it is wobbling like the dickens and I don't know if anyone else could tell, but I could tell that it was like her first time using it.
I found the listing for it later on amazon while looking for a better quality sword for myself (I promise I didn't go looking for this, it just showed up when I searched 'balancing sword bellydance' because I was trying to find a 3-pounder) and the fucker is 1.4 pounds. The heavier a balancing object is, the easier it will be to keep it balanced and our lightest sword is 3 pounds, our heavy sword for dips and spins is something like 5 pounds.
So like... a comparison:
This is Seka doing a balancing act with two 5 pound Moorish scimitars. She can do complicated multi-object balance tricks (I have seen her do 3 swords at once) because that 5 pound sword on her head is not going anywhere anytime soon. She was able to do dips and kneels without them falling.
Raven here is doing a 3-pound saber, which requires a touch more body control to balance, and its why she's not doing more than one at a time. A 3-pound sword is what you use when doing 'fast sword,' which is great for the air-qualities of the sword- like slashing and slicing.
Here's a better look at the 1.4 sword. She's doing some tricks like leg lifts and splits, but those particular moves are not balance-focus movements- they're flexibility movements. She can perform those in her sleep because its how you do jazz contemporary.
Also- I'm glad I took a closer look at this picture because if you were trying to give the illusion that your sword was real, why would you hold it LIKE THAT?
There's a point where she tries to sell the illusion of it being a real sword with this move.
Never. Ever. Touch. The. Edge. Ever.
The comically fake 'ouch' on her face is such a disrespect to the showmanship of balance acts. Like... if you knew it was a sword and that the sword was sharp, you would learn that before you got on stage, would you not? "Yes, I know I am dancing around with a sharp sword on my head, but I am just now learning during the performance that its a sword that is sharp."
That is what you sound like.
She puts the oh-so-very-sharp sword back onto her head and continues her set.
It is not staying. If your sword is not staying, its because its too light. She catches it before it flies off, but she does not have the control to keep it on.
-culminating in…
…wait for it…
Stabbing the earth with her sword.
It does not stay in the earth, it flops over.
Raven was in the audience.
And she saw this.
And she's fucking livid.
Performance culture education moment: its rude as fuck to steal another person's bit.
Like… drag performers will make statements about their acts that no one can perform a similar act (a character, a song, a movement) within a 50 mile radius. Dancers will copyright certain moves and names of those moves. And if you're a dancer, and if you've been dancing for awhile, you just kind of get to knowing when someone has a bit. Like there are cues in the music, its somewhat hard to explain. But you get to knowing it.
Not Oniya- Columbus' #1 Bellydancer, though. All that went over her head- just like the sword went right over her head.
And she looks at Raven like 'did I do good?'
And we are being VERY professional because we want to see dancers grow, we don't want to discourage creativity. But. Yikes.
Her set moves on and its "Through Heaven's Eyes" from Prince of Egypt. And this is a very Jewish song, so to see a Christian woman dressed as a traveler who previously wore an embarassingly racist Arab charicature costume- dancing to a very Jewish song from a Very Jewish film- it makes me feel a certain kind of way. And I have some… hesitation about telling a black woman that she's being racist.
(Like… yes, I'm planning on doing Korobushka when I have the stamina, but I am at least learning the schottische so that I have foundational knowledge.)
…and she misses a lot of her cues. I'm seeing… the flaws. I decide that I'm not going to post the photos of her because its embarassing. And it makes me angry to see them. I'll send the photos to her so she could have them but… I need to think it over and cool off.
We don't really interact after that. Because we're busy packing up, we're tired. The troupe that's present that day decide to go get dinner and discuss the events and what is the appropriate reaction to… uh… that. Raven is the most pissed, and she has every right to be pissed because holy shit- right in front of my salad. You do not steal someone's bit.
So we give her some space to be a little unprofessional and vent about it and once we're all calmed down and have eaten we decide that the best thing to do is assume the best of her and extend an olive branch.
Plans go into the works about how we can educate better and we talk about doing some workshops on ettiquette, how to dance cultural dances while being appreciative, not appropriative. And those things are probably forthcoming. But what was decided was that we were going to invite her to the haflah (this is a party where bellydancers can perform for fun, there is usually a charity aspect do it, and there's usually workshops.) Because we would love to have her come, we would love to see her become part of the community so we can all learn from each other.
We sent two invitations and she has not responded. And maybe she's busy or maybe it went to spam email, but its becoming somewhat clear that she doesn't… want to be part of the community. Like… she's a solo act. She only dances her numbers.
We don't interact with her for months. Kay no longer books her for her shows so we don't see her.
I post a video of us on facebook, performing at Gallery Hop. She follows my photographer page, and she 'likes' the videos.
But she's no longer Oniya Divine.
She's Oniya Zhe Geisha. And her headshot shows her wearing the red dot bindi on her forehead.
Mad curious what happened here, I go to her gigsalad and she lists herself as "Geisha Zhe Genie AKA Oniya" and she's categorizing herself as a 'burlesque dancer' while her blurb still says "Columbus's #1 Bellydancer" so its kind of like… are you sure you know what ANY of these words mean?
And I'm being very unprofessional about it because I'm kind of bitter about the situation because I feel like I've been supporting this person only to find out that she's just trying on cultures like hats.
So now I'm pissed, trying to figure the situation out. Facebook tells me she took one of those 6 week masterclasses on 'art of the courtesans' that are like… seduction tips and how to embrace your 'dark feminine' and looks like she got herself some certification and that's why she's calling herself 'geisha.'
You don't get to be Geisha after six weeks of repeating 'I am' statements. Its a culturally-weighted word that you have to enter an apprenticeship for and I cannot stress this enough: you live in OHIO.
And if you're listed as a burlesque act, and you show up and you're doing bellydance and not burlesque, then you are going to have a VERY pissed off client.
A 6 week masterclass in seduction courses does not give you the right to call yourself a 'geisha.' Wearing a coin belt and voguing does not give you the right to claim the word 'genie-' a cultural connotation that we've been trying to distance ourselves from for the past 50 years. The dot in the middle of the forehead represents your marriage. Did they teach that in your courtesan classes?
All the while, we're thinking… she teaches. Teaches WHAT? Teaches how to steal a bit? Teaches how to put a toy sword on your head? Teaches how to miss your cues? Teaches how to piss off your community?
Teaches… scarf? (There's a bit she does with a scarf that you can tell is trying to do what we do with veil, but its not the right material and so it doesn't look near the same.)
(Scarf on left, veil on right)
And I know I'm being real toxic about this but I didn't come to dance to get gigs, I came to dance to be part of a community that I was missing, and to have fun and maybe once in awhile I perform for small shows. But she is getting a LOT of gigs, to the point that she's becoming a face in the local performance industry and it is giving me some real opinions about 'pretty privilege.'
I still want to believe that she's just… she needs guidance. She needs community. She needs friends in dance. She needs someone to tell her that that's not right.
But we've tried reaching out. We've tried including her. But I don't think she wants that.
So I'm hesitant to be like… 'canceled.' Because I want there to be room for her to grow. I think she has talent and just needs control, but yikes. I don't know if I can be supportive of someone using the diversity of the city as her personal playset.
Anyways, that's the whole tea. This is on my secret blog because I don't want her on blast. But I needed to put this SOMEWHERE because otherwise my head will explode.
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She actually chose a car!!!!
it's a small, stupid step, but oh God one foot in front of the other.
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Girlfriend is choosing between 2 cars and it seems like shes finally going to pull the trigger on one of them! I'm really happy about this because it took more than 6 months to make this step so it's a big deal that she took it.
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Being petty about this but it's been a pain in my side since day 1.
Often when we all watch movies together theres a certain amount of the film spent explaining to B why something was done in the script. We have started to use this as a litmus test to judge how tight the story telling and world building is. If they dont understand something. It's a hole.
Watching the new dnd movie, which has some of the tightest storytelling I've seen in recent film. B did not ask a single question because everything was telegraphed before they needed to ask.
But the problem was that A could not stop herself from explaining things that no one asked.
Incorrectly.
Because it's her responsibility to be the smartest person in the room for some reason.
Spends the movie explaining the movie and then says 'it was a pretty decent movie.' It would have been better if youd actually seen it.
They move out on july 3. Then I have different problems
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B just cheerfully informed me that if all goes well they should be moving into their new house on july 1. Which means I have three weeks to come up with our 2k/month rent situation.
I'm working 40 hours a week and trying to sell art on top of that, trying to make it as a photographer but the competition is stiff. My mom is helping, but for fucks sake I'm 36 and I should be able to do things on my own but everything is so hard lately.
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This is going in my secret blog because events need to unfold before I can say... anything.
Today is June 6. My little town is having a pride festival this weekend. I went to their last one and it was... small. But I want to support community pride where it happens. So when they opened up to vendors, I signed up. I thought the tent price was a bit high, but whatever, I'm supporting a cause.
I knew something was odd when they reduced the price last month and offered partial refunds.
Then they released the vendor list and it's almost ALL nonprofits.
I found out that one of my usual shows is happening literally a block away and since the show runner is always looking to collaborate with people, thought maybe there could be cross promotion. Most of the vendors are queer, I thought it would be a good fit.
So I messaged them both.
Usual show: "Thanks. Yeah, we had talked with them gor a few months about providing the vendors for them, but they just wanted our vendors list instead of us taking care of it. And we felt they were asking too much and weren't planning to compensate us at all. We then offered to cross promote and didn't get a response. So idk. I tried.."
Pride event: "That’s interesting to know. They actually refused to work with us.
Thanks for letting me know, but since they wouldn’t collaborate with our organization, I can’t assume they’re queer friendly, even if they’re monetizing queer artists."
So... I've worked with Usual Show Guy a few times and hes a very good dude whose main concern is ALWAYS "are my peoples needs being met?" Is this show attended well? Are people having a good time? Is the weather impacting people's sales?
If a show gets rained out, he'll give you a free space at the next show. He wants to connect all the weirdos and queers together and he wants us to thrive.
Hes Just A Guy, ok?
I havent spent much time with the pride people because they're always meeting while I'm working. But... they're young. A lot of them are young. Like... just out of high school young.
And its possibly rude of me to say this, but I feel like they dont know the difference between negotiating a deal and performing a microaggression.
You know I'm always trying to see as many sides as I can, but if I was gonna pick I liar from the two of them, I'm gonna pick the pride people. Like the way they used The Tumblr Words at me makes me feel like they're being sensitive to something that isnt there.
Just... fascinating interpretation of events.
I'm still doing the pride thing because I paid the money to do it. But I dont have very high Hope's for the event. The facebook page only has 15 people 'going' and I'm 90% sure it's the vendors.
I have at least one bad show every season. Might as well be my first one.
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Girlfriend spoke up on my behalf about the groceries because the grocery order was 200$ and most of it was luxury convenience foods intended for just the two of them. I'm chicken and dont speak up for myself.
I'm working on it.
The process for ordering groceries goes kind of like this, usually:
- I make a meal plan, make a list out of ingredients we need for those recipes, check the pantry to see what we have, write down what we need.
- B double checks it, adds things that she thinks we need for daily use (like lunchmeats, bread, eggs.) She puts in the order on the app, but doesnt finalize the order.
- A adds anything she thinks we need (usually snack foods) and hits send.
Somewhere along the line the order gets to be $300. Odd, because when I buy for the house it's usually in the $100 area.
G: hey, B? When yall do the grocery order, do you split the price down the middle so we're paying straight half or do you itemize personal items v house items?
B: straight half.
G: can we itemize it?
B: how do you mean?
G: well like... we dont drink these Bolthouse shakes and they're $4 each.
B: well why dont you?
G: because it's a convenience item. I dont need those because I dont have a job and Lee buys her own. We thought those were just yours. A lot of the food that comes in are things we never eat.
Me: I dont know how you would do this since you order groceries online, but when i buy groceries for the house i separate the house items and ring those up first, keep track of that amount, and then only charge you half of that amount. All of my personal items have been on my own dollar, which is why my charge for last week was only like 50$ for a week of groceries.
B: -thinks about it for a moment- hey honey?
A: yeah?
B: is there a way to do that when ordering groceries? Like split it out between house expenses versus personal expenses?
A: no, I dont think that's possible.
So to recap, the energy drinks I cant have, the Bolthouses I dont drink, the cookies, brownies, chips that I never see because they're gone before I get home, the premade salads that are specifically for B, the expensive laundry detergent I dont use... I pay for half of those.
So I'm basically paying for my personal food, girlfriends personal food, half of the house's expenses, half of A's food and half of B's food.
B pays half of house expenses, half of A's food, half of B's food.
And when we discussed the possibility of a solution, A didnt even try to look for one. Just straight up no.
Fucking amazing.
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The house the roommates are buying didnt pass inspection, but they're buying it anyway. I didnt hear what didnt pass, but the realtor says hes probably blowing it out of proportion. Whatever it is.
Just kind of marking the day.
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After a lot of quiet fighting over it, shes finally looking at cars seriously and I'm really proud of her for doing it. Asking for help is hard and it's scary. I just wish it hadn't taken 6 months.
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Trying not to hyperventilate over this but it gets harder every time I think about it.
My girlfriends parents have money tucked away so she can get a car and all she needs to do is pick a nice used one that she wants and then tell her mom. That offer was in november and now its may.
The lack of car is the main reason she cant get a job. Remote jobs are few and far between right now and we live outside of walking distance from anything.
All she has to do is text her mom.
But its always... well if you get a car you have to have insurance, you have to have gas.
And she gets stuck in these cycles where inertia takes over. And everyone is being so helpful and I'm glad but...
She hasnt made any forward motion on any of it.
All she has to do is text her for help.
But she has to warm up to it.
I asked her a month ago just to text her. Just start with 'hi.' I even offered to do it for her but she refused.
And now the roommates got a solid house offer. Which means they'll be gone soon, and I'm paying the full rent because she wont ask for help.
And I wanna scream so bad because I dont make very much, even with 2 jobs, even in landscaping, even with side hustles.
Its driving me fucking crazy. I'm trying so hard and nothing is working.
Please do not reblog.
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Table we dont eat at has to look like this or she throws a tantrum and shoves my stuff in a corner.
This is fine though. She was going to take those bags to goodwill last week but didnt. It's fine.
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Table we dont eat at has to look like this or she throws a tantrum and shoves my stuff in a corner.
This is fine though. She was going to take those bags to goodwill last week but didnt. It's fine.
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When I pay for groceries for four days its $20. When THEY get groceries for four days its $80. Where is that fair to me, who works an 8 hour shift away from home every day?
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Like I would have given them permission, if they asked. But also it does not need to be 70 degrees in here
Why does the house need to be 69 degrees? My toes are fucking freezing.
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