#rely on biphobic stereotypes

[mxtxfanatic]

Wait a minute, hold the phone

I never said “you can’t assign sexuality to a character who is clearly gay” 😭 I said that assigning wwx any (Western labeled) sexuality is not canonically supported and that the discourse doesn’t matter. You could argue for any sexuality for wwx or lwj (outside of hetero) with equal amounts of evidence, because the truth is that there is no evidence stated in the text for any one label. Two men love each other, have only ever loved each other, and will only ever love each other because they were created for each other. That could be anything or nothing at all.

Once again, for the people on the back!

✨Wei Wuxian was not Bi✨

As someone that did the bi to ace pipeline I LOVE Bi rep. There isn't enough of it.

HOWEVER!

You cannot assign sexuality to a character that is clearly gay.

@mxtxfanatic @ladypfenix and @jiangwanyinscatmom have done some absolutely beautiful metas about Wei Wuxian's sexuality and how his flirting was compulsory heterosexual ideas he grew up with and was the behavior expected of him.

[cjlouwho]

wrote another comment to ABC:

I’m writing as a long-time fan to express my deep disappointment with the recent perpetuation of harmful biphobia both in a recent episode and in the larger discourse surrounding the show. While 9-1-1 has often delivered thoughtful and diverse storytelling, this situation has felt like a painful misstep.

In the episode in question, the comment asking if one character “turned you gay” was not only offensive but perpetuates outdated and damaging myths about sexuality. Additionally, the storyline in which a character breaks up with their bisexual partner, claiming they need to “explore their options,” relies on harmful tropes that invalidate bisexuality and frame it as incompatible with commitment. These narratives undermine the experiences of bisexual people and reinforce damaging stereotypes.

Adding to this frustration, a cast member recently gave an interview that came across as grossly biphobic. Their comments trivialized bisexuality and dismissed the complexity and validity of bisexual identities. As a prominent voice associated with the show, such remarks contribute to the erasure and stigmatization of bisexuality, making it even more disappointing.

The hashtag #LetBuckFuck has also contributed to this harmful discourse, promoting the idea that a bisexual character’s story is less about representation or depth and more about shallow, hypersexualized stereotypes. This hashtag and the conversation it has sparked perpetuate the same harmful biases that have plagued media portrayals of bisexual people for years.

Lastly, it is disheartening to see a beloved gay character seemingly written off with a sad, lonely, and incomplete ending while a character with a history of racism, homophobia, and bigotry receives a longer, more redemptive arc. This sends the message that certain stories—and certain lives—are valued over others.

I urge the 9-1-1 team to reflect on this feedback and strive to do better. The show has the potential to continue breaking ground with meaningful, empowering representation. However, these recent instances have fallen short and caused harm to the very communities the show has been praised for representing.

I thought I had posted this already, but apparently had not! Thank you so much for writing in!!

[oldcyberpunk2077truth]

how many times has pinkydude been "back" lmao. his new "😳👋Update for where I've been" post pretending like he didnt just leave for a few weeks max after being called out only to return right after,and has been "back" for almost a year now is objectively fucking hilarious but besides that to be real. i have no doubt now that The Lizzies were taking things too far,but that doesnt change the fact that hes weird af about bisexuality and him being gay cant excuse that. and i dont doubt that they did,in his words,almost drive him to suicide. alright sorry but maybe the stress caused by your own actions have also effected people in the same way? maybe at least for one other person (me,the anon)? you cant just reblog "we should send hate mail to straight woman shipping themselves with gay characters" (valid but that was not what wanderingaldecaldo was doing) 3 times in a row while accusing someone whose bisexual of supporting corrective rape (esp when bisexuals are already stereotyped as being a bunch of perverts) or of being transphobic for “trying to prove that mitch is straight by making him fuck someone with a pussy” (again not what she was doing. ive also seen him say some backhanded shit along the lines of "i wish people would stop pretending bisexuality is so inclusive". i bet hes one of those people who believes pansexual just means "bisexual but not transphobic").

and i can say that all while acknowledging that wanderingaldecaldo knowingly having stupid racist friends in turn does in fact also make her a stupid racist,actually,but i can also tell pinky just took that and ran with it to further excuse his behavior. and even if you dont believe that bisexuals can face discrimination just because its possible for us to be in a non same sex/gender relationship (which i think only feeds into "gays choose to be that way" rhetoric tbh. no one can choose who they fall in love with and we're just as high of a risk of being hatecrimed when we're with a same gender partner. you dont get to be assholes when we "choose" to be "straight",maybe focus your anger towards the real cishets making this world more dangerous for us all in the first place),hes still overly controlling of other people to the point of being creepy regardless. all while relying on us to use that magic all-problems-go-away-now block button,which does even less when almost the entire fandom takes no issue with what he’s done and puts him on a pedestal for being a modder. i bet in his mind The Lizzies "tricked" me into believing he's exclusionist against bisexuals,but no im pretty sure im capable of coming to my own conclusions myself. "and then i remember people who think i'm biphobic or something and i laugh even harder hahgfhhgfh y'all ain't better than reddit" why do you think thats funny why are you comparing us to the queerphobic cishet website. answer quickly.

Bruh.

[bitchsexuality]

times i’ve been called a p.-anphobe on my bi positivity post by people who do not know me, meaning that they saw a post about bisexuality being good, thought it was suspicious and immediately decided that they simply Had to search my blog for every instance of “pan” and every word related to it: 2

[frigid666]

its not uncommon at all for a heterosexual person dating a bisexual person to be told by other heterosexual people that the bisexual partner they're with is not good enough for them, defective, it will never last, to j use them quickly (implying bi people are sex toys that can be discarded when the straight person is done w us) so they can move on to a "real" relationship, etc. heterosexual people don't see bisexual people as respectable partners for their true priorities: that being other straight members of their sexual class. like you said, bisexuals in opposite-sex relationships make it easier for the homophobes/biphobes around them to pretend they're straight, but they don't really see us on par with themselves. we are never as trustworthy or proper/pure as them, and we are treated as such.

this happened to an out bisexual girl i knew in high school. her boyfriend's friend (both christian) told him behind her back that he looked stupid dating her and to find a real partner (and also called her a homophobic word). and also to a man i used to work with, who got disowned by his religious family after coming out as bisexual (though i believe he was outed, can't say for sure bc we weren't super close so i didn't hear the full story). eventually, he started seeing a woman, but his family still didn't take him back. he had already "shown his true colors" to them, and in their eyes, anything he did after including dating a woman was just more proof that he is a deceitful, self-serving person who is using a woman he doesnt actually love for personal gain (biphobic stereotype).

we are not heterosexual people's first choice as life partners, not even for heteros who fetishize bisexuals; at most, bisexuals to this type of straight person are good for an experimental sex phase or something; and then they're off to marry another heterosexual when they're actually ready to settle down + have kids. they always have that knowledge that there is something "wrong" with us in the back of their minds and its only a matter of time before our true colors are revealed, so they don't take us seriously as partners; they don't want to build lives with us. to them, bi ppl are a ticking time bomb that could go off and transform into the depraved sex-addict they lowkey always suspected us to be deep down. some heterosexuals find our "sex mania" (aka us being sexual in any capacity, which is overblown to "mania" due to their preconceived notions about the destructive/gluttonous nature of our sexuality) titillating for a while, but they grow tired of it eventually and resent/shame us for it.

the only way for bisexuals to truly gain straight people's acceptance is by remaining closeted forever or by forming an agreement with a current opposite-sex partner to never disclose our sexuality to any new acquaintances for the rest of our lives.

like...bisexuals are j supposed to misrepresent ourselves and be ok with not being our true selves our whole lives, and that's seen as a privilege? since when has conditional protection that comes from denying your identity ever been considered the ideal dream scenario? bisexuals aren't allowed to want more for ourselves, we're supposed to be satisfied with being GRANTED protection from an opposite-sex partner, which btw can be rescinded at any time. an opposite-sex partner could decide (for any reason) that they're done keeping the secret and out their bi partner to everyone they know - to their family, their job, their community - and the bisexual's life is ruined. this is partly why bisexual people's abuse rates are sky high; we're easy to coerce, manipulate, and abuse when we're relying on the grace/goodwill of a member of our oppressor class to keep ourselves safe. that is a precarious position that is easily and routinely exploited + weaponised against us. none of this is something straight people must deal with.

using bisexual conversion therapy victims and their supposed ability to better adapt to a hetero lifestyle compared to homosexual conversion therapy victims as a 'gotcha' against bisexual people speaking out against biphobic oppression is gross. like... what do we know about ACTUAL bisexual victims? they're real people, not hypotheticals that exist in a vacuum; what's ""technically""" possible for them doesn't mean shit tbh. falling in love and having a healthy relationship is extremely difficult for (religiously) traumatized people; so even though bisexuals do have the capacity to fall in love and have a satisfying relationship with a member of the opposite sex, does that ACTUALLY happen? i'd bet anything that most of these bisexuals are in abusive relationships. the heterosexual partner likely resents they got a "broken" partner and uses their past against them. but this is all proof of privilege, right ? 😒 lifetime of suppression, self-denial, self-hate, and being treated as a useful idiot by everyone around them counts as a privileged existence now, apparently... and i honestly do think this speaks to how degraded homosexual people are in the world, that so many of them consider this to be a good, enviable life!

tumblr.com/yyzma/722569973718040576/actually-heterosexuals-as-a-class-do-prefer

I REALLY REALLY hope this isn't being posted in terms of bisexuals being "evil" and a lesser form of hetero/homosexuality, they prefer bisexualism in order to settle with their homophobic ideals but that doesnt mean bisexuals are suddenly in their good graces.... bisexuals might be in the good graces of homophobes but still suffer from it too so I hope radblr gets over this sort of assumption that bisexuals are totally immune to discrimination

Oops I contradicted myself in my last bisexual ask, I meant to say bisexuals are favored for homophobic ideals but that doesnt wish away homophobia they're subjected to

Hmm, I don't actually agree that homophobic people prefer bisexuals over homosexuals. We may 'look straight' in some institutional settings (e.g. on an emergency contact form), but there are two problems with the idea that 'looking straight' gives us all the material benefits of 'being straight:'

Firstly, we know that state institutions 'blind' to a group's experiences may inadvertently disadvantage that group. Our state institutions weren't set up with 'straight-like' bisexuals in mind; they were set up with heterosexuals in mind and any recent pro-LGBT changes have come with a heterosexual understanding. The blindness to our specific needs has real life consequences for our level of social acceptance, our financial security, our housing security, our mental health, our sexual health, and so on (it's like how the legal system was set up with males in mind, which renders any gender-blind law inadvertently harmful to women). For example, did you know that bisexuals aren't protected under my state's anti-discrimination law?

Secondly, we know that groups shouldn't be expected to hide a part of themselves just to fit in with broader society. I think 'the closet' takes on a different form when applied to bisexuals (neither better nor worse); we can either hide our sexuality and suffer the shame of knowing we're different (which may explain our rates of mental distress, homelessness, and substance abuse), or we can open up about our sexuality and suffer the shame of being different (which may explain our DV and sexual violence statistics). I mean... do these people know that homophobic people don't like single LG people either?

I also think some underestimate how the negative stereotypes that homophobic people hold about us can have impacts on our lives. We're not seen as 'basically straight' or 'better than LG' when we're single or in a relationship with the opposite sex, we're seen as promiscuous, boundary-less, insatiable sex-seekers, and we're treated as such.

Homophobic people don't want LG people to act like bisexuals. Homophobic people want LGBT - yes, even transgender - people to be heterosexual(/non-transgender).

[sincerelywhiterose]

Friendly reminder that tomorrow is the first day of pride month and if I see any biphobia, I will throw hands

This includes, but is not limited to:

saying that bisexuality excludes trans/nonbinary people (it doesn't)

saying that bisexuality is too binary (it isn't)

saying that bisexuality is outdated (again, it isn't)

saying/implying that bisexuals only care about gender rather than personality (which is gross and untrue)

derailing conversations on biphobia and its effects

excluding bisexuals from mlm and wlw spaces/discussions

speaking over bisexuals in conversations on the issues we face

refusing to listen to bisexuals if we say something is biphobic

ignoring bisexual history and activism

ignoring the present contributions of bisexuals to LGBTQ culture

making demeaning jokes about bisexuals or jokes that rely on negative stereotypes

stereotyping bisexuals in general

viewing bisexuals as 'half-straight'/'lesser' members of the LGBTQ community

and finally, speaking over bisexuals about the very definition of bisexuality

yes this includes saying things like 'that sounds more like [other sexuality]' or 'if you define your attraction that way you're [other sexuality] instead' in response to a bisexual person describing how they define their orientation for themself

[milfzatannaz]

John Constantine is a character, I think, that relies heavily on context. The quirky panels from 2010s Justice League comics really convey very little about who he is; of course people are going to think he’s a quippy monsterfucker. His original comics are rich with his political outlook, class status, and trauma, all of which I think are super important to fully grasp who he is.

Basically, stop relying on stale biphobic stereotypes and dumb lines from Injustice to inform you on who John is, and start reading Hellblazer, lmfao.

[kermit-the-hag]

I need reassurance. And it's not your job to give me it, but eh, I'm asking you anyway.

I've seen a lot of posts calling out biphobic Eddie fans, which I think is warranted. There is a lot of biphobia going around. But I can't help but feel struck every time, even though I'm pretty sure my type of "Eddie is gay"-believer isn't the target of those posts. Because I fully understand why others headcanon him as bi. For a hot minute I also considered it. But then I decided he isn't, to me, because my brain just doesn't like that? Doesn't make sense, isn't as much fun. You do you, bi Eddie truthers, but that's not for me.

And that's fine, right? I'm almost certain it's fine. But I need the reassurance from an outsider, especially since I myself am kinda bi (worried about that good ol' internalized biphobia).

Whether you headcanon Eddie as gay or bi or whatever, you do you. My main issue is with the outdated stereotypes that fans rely on to support why they think that.

Also, what is it about a gay+bi pairing that is more fun for you than a bi+bi pairing? Just some food for thought, in case that was a bit of internalised biphobia rather than a poor choice of phrasing.

Also I have no issue with fans thinking Eddie is gay, my post was more for people who refuse to entertain otherwise and for them to examine why they think that, inspect their reasoning, and see if any of it is internalised biphobia.

[princessefemmelesbian]

How is it being a "bi savior"(pretty icky damn term btw) to hc a character as a lesbian based on lesbians saying that they relate to the character? How is that "speaking for lesbians"? Honestly riddle me that.

And I don't see how op is being high and mighty either just by hcing Annabeth as a lesbian with comphet...I don't see how that's pretending he knows more about being a lesbian than actual lesbians themselves, when he literally says that he based it off of his lesbian friends???

Also "I am foaming at the mouth that the only way a woman can be strong smart and independent is to NOT date a man. That dating men makes femmes weak and compliant in patriarchy." wtf literally nobody is saying that. If you think that making a female character a lesbian is reinforcing a stereotype that women are only independent IF they're lesbians, and that the idea that women "can still date men" is even an idea that needs defending as if women aren't already pressured to believe that they have to date men, that being a lesbian is the worse, more reductive stereotype, then guess what, that's your own inner lesbophobia shining through that you need to deal with yourself instead of making it Summer's problem.

Women(not just "femmes", whatever you mean by that, not all women are femmes) not dating men isn't such a big and horrible stereotype that needs to be done away with by having the female character still date men and it's quite appalling that people always act like lesbians are holding women's rights back by not being attracted to men. Lesbian representation will always be more important than "allowing" women to date men and "still" be strong independent women. Women being attracted to men and dating them isn't revolutionary or subversive, I promise you, and certainly not more so than not wanting anything to do with men in a romantic light whatsoever in any way at all, when we are literally trained from birth to rely on men for validation and to be seen as having any value and worth in society.

But also: "help they headcanonned a bi character as gay or lesbian what bi erasure is this?!" yes it actually is bi erasure??? If a character is bi then def don't headcanon them as gay or a lesbian because they're already canonically established to be bi, while if a character is canonically a lesbian then don't hc them as bi because that too is lesbian erasure. This is a different topic altogether that you're bringing up, Annabeth is not canonically bi so her being headcanoned as a lesbian isn't erasing ANYTHING. Good grief.

And finally: "I don't think I know what words mean anymore so good callout but also bold of you to assume I MUST support m-spec lesbians because I believe hating a specific man doesn't mean said character must be lesbian. But she could BE a lesbian." No, I said you sound like you support mspec lesbians because you said "I find your headcanon of a minority you aren't of reductive and implies lesbians are lesbians because they don't like men rather than that they like women". Which is a common thing that mspec "lesbians" and their supporters say btw, that lesbians are being restrictive exclusionary and mean for defining lesbianism as a lack of attraction to men, because they believe that we DO like men. So if you don't support mspec "lesbians" then my bad ig but just know that that's how your comment came off. And it's quite appaling that even when confronted with evidence to the contrary you would still continue to dismiss op's headcanon as simply being because Annabeth doesn't like "one specific man" when that is far from the only reason.

I sincerely think that you have a lot of work that you need to do on yourself before you prepare to call ANYBODY else lesbophobic or biphobic.

The fixation Percabeth shippers have on Annabeth being blonde is creepy as fuck.It was one thing when all we had were white versions of her but now that Leahbeth is a thing,it's just plain racist.You can't say you support Annabeth being black if you erase Leah's features-There's no reason for her to be blonde and i do mean NO REASON.All book Annabeth's blondeness did was add on to her already white feminist writing-Remember 'I'd be taken more seriously if i had dark hair :('?-and by letting Leah look like herself,they're taking steps to fixing it and making Annabeth an actual feminist character instead of a pick me gf.No,i do not care that you do it because you think 'Percy has a thing for blondes' because guess what bitch,that's not only racist too but also misogynistic!Annabeth exists outside of Percy you backwards ass weirdos.Also she's a lesbian so she dosen't want Percy to begin with send post

[perfect-bi-paradise]

Hi, bi person here and I just to say...

Your anti-pan posts are bullshit.

You are literally using your own personal experiences to fuel hatred and bigotry against a group of people who don't deserve it.

Literally no pansexual ever said "pansexuality is about personality!" You made that shit up. It doesn't matter if you consider yourself bisexual or pansexual, both are valid and don't deserve any more vitriol than we already get from outside (and even sometimes inside) the LGBT community.

"bUt tHe IdEa oF pAnSexUaLs aRe TrAnS & eNbYpHoBic!!11!!" You DO know that people have said the exact same thing about bi people, right? That were "transphobic" bc "we're attracted to only two genders" or "we only like men and women" or something. You're pulling that same argument except for pan people.

TL;DR stop using your own sexuality as a way to dismiss and gatekeep other people's sexuality. Now if you excuse me... I'm going to write some bi and pan characters happily being in love just to piss people like you off :)

Also...

I highly suggest you stop using Sigmund Freud as a reliable source. His work has been widely discredited by modern day doctors and phycologists and is considered to be highly outdated nowadays. No credible psychiatrist would use him as reference in today's world.

Dear Anonymous, thank you for this ignorant rant and being a good example as to why Pansexuality is so harmful and divisive to the bisexual community. Just because you're willfully ignorant doesn't change the fact that just Monday a Pansexual on Facebook decided to DM me to say that Bisexuals only care about genitals while they were pan because they only care about personality. Also if pansexuals are "so different" from bisexuals why are they always invading bisexual spaces and stealing bisexual content?! Sounds like gatekeeping is needed to to protect marginalized communities against this kinda harmful malarkey. Also did you know that the pansexual community is actually responsible for the propagating the biphobic and transphobic stereotypes bisexuals still face today? No! Well that's probably because you're 19 while having spent most of your life on Tumblr and being terminally online. It's clear you know absolutely nothing about bisexual history or pansexualities disturbing past of both fetishizing trans people like myself and heavily relying on biphobia to retconn bisexuality itself. Don't believe me, here is actual chronological proof that I'm sure you won't read.

FYI there are whole quote's of people saying pansexuality is about being attracted to someone for their personality. Here you go:

November 12, 2014: “Sometimes referred to as omnisexual, pansexual describes an attraction to a person regardless of sex or gender. People who use this label may describe themselves as ‘gender blind’ or as being attracted to a person’s personality rather than his or her sex. The term also acknowledges a space for intersexed and transgendered people in an otherwise binary understanding of sexuality and gender.”

February 2015: A pansexual individual is attracted to a person, not a gender. It seems very similar to bisexuality. BUT, bisexuality, for the most part does not include genders aside from male and female, which is what the main difference is with the two.

October 2017: “Pansexual is basically a more liberal version of bisexual. It means you don’t care about someone’s gender or identity or sexuality, you just like them for them.

December 2018: “Gg, 21: ‘I [identify] as pansexual because when I am attracted to people it’s usually more down to their personality or attitude, not their gender or even their looks.’ […] Laura, 24: ‘I don’t care what their genitals look like. It’s the person I’m attracted to.’ […] Bronagh, 21: ‘Being pan is being attracted to someone’s personality over everything else such as looks.’”

July 16, 2019: “Pansexuals are attracted to the person, not their physical form…

Unknown: “Sexual orientation associated with desiring/loving a person’s personality primarily, and specific bodily features secondarily.”

The majority of provided descriptions of pansexuality demonstrate ahistorical and bigoted assumptions about bisexuality, on top of saying that attraction to transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people is exclusive to pansexuality. Some insist that pansexuals are “moving past” this bigotry, but considering how recent and widely-circulating some of these sources are, such a claim is extremely contestable. Articles written by pansexuals discouraging transphobic or biphobic descriptions of pansexuality are unfortunately either extremely rare or just nonexistent.

Insisting that “most pansexuals aren’t like this,” visit the comment section of virtually any pansexuality-related article, Instagram post, TikTok clip, YouTube video, tweet, you name it — and you’ll find the rhetoric in the timeline regurgitated. Transphobic and biphobic definitions are frequently found in scientific journals, and from celebrities with massive platforms. People tend to chalk down harmful rhetoric to just an exceptional “fraction of the community” instead of acknowledging the issue’s prevalency, which is an unhelpful deflection.

https://aninjusticemag.com/the-history-and-troubling-present-of-the-pansexual-label-9e535e15277

Oh, let me ask you a question? Do you even know that "regardless of gender" is actually bisexualities real definition, as it was created by bisexuals in the 70's to describe bisexuality and pansexuals literally appropriated the term in 2008 and used Bi-erasure, and transphobia to do so? NO! Well congrats you have successfully been indoctrinated by pansexual propaganda into being okay with biphobia to the point of defending it and continuing bi-erasure. Way to be a total pawn.

P.S If you Sigmund Freud still wasn't relevant than people wouldn't even consider using the term pansexual in the first place.

[formerprincewille]

Well Constantin was definitely relying on biphobic stereotypes, but at least this was confirmation that Ismail does in fact like guys. Before now it was just assumptions.

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

I am consistently so mad at how Tim is very nearly solely portrayed with the “slutty bisexual” stereotype being like his primary personality trait I’m going to mentally project my anger at this onto everyone who reads this so u can understand!!!

In canon! He has

-been mentioned to flirt w/ppl 1 time

-made a little innuendo joke abt jon and basira

-???? is a friendly and charming guy ????

So idk man I GUESS some of y’all want to just rely on biphobic stereotypes for personality traits???? Y’all wanna leave out literally everything else abt it????? I see it and I’m sure other bi ppl do too and honestly none of us r impressed. I’m not!

I especially hate how so many of y’all make his only interactions with his coworkers (especially s1 archive crew) just flirting????? Like????? R y’all fucking joking me??? Is this a prank????

Do u know the amount of times I’ve read a fanfic where Tim is described, to some extent, as “flirting with anything that moves”? Do you?? It’s more than never which is too many probably!!!!!

So can we like,,,,idk as a fandom,,,,,just,,,stop relying on biphobic stereotypes to portray Tim,,,,I know it must be so hard for u to actually come up with some of his other personality traits but do try ur best

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I'm the anon struggling with biphobia. I wanted to reply but I had an airplane to catch and I kinda forgot. As I said before I already knew that biphobia is bad and I have to do something about it, reading your answer was like reaffirming that these stereotypes are really stupid and hurtful. I'm a lesbian and I think that my prejudices come from the stereotype that being bi is a phase or something trendy (which I know it's not true), so it feels like if a bi girl wants to pursue me it's just for fun until she realizes she wants to be with a man. I don't know, I also struggle with my sexuality, I know liking girls is totally alright and I'm sure I'm a lesbian, but it can be very lonely and I live in a very heteronormative country, being straight would be so much easier. But I'm digressing here.

Also thank you to the anon that replied to me and gave me their perspective. I hope at some point to find a good therapist that knows something about lgbtq+ stuff, untill then I'll try to correct myself whenever I think of something harmful.

I hope what I said makes sense, English isn't my native language.

P.S. maybe there's also the fact that all the bi girls I know, whether it's irl or like youtubers, are in a long relationship with a man, and, idk, maybe subconsciously it makes me feel like heteronormativity is the only option. Once again, it's my problem and I'm the one who has to fix this. I just wanted to give all of the details(?)

Hi there,

thanks for getting back to us with some more background. I kind of figured that you're a lesbian but didn't wanna just presume. Honestly, I'm very glad that you asked about this. If everyone who had biphobic beliefs would a) acknowledge them as such and b) try to work on unlearning them like you are then already the world would be so much easier for bi people to live in.

Too much time and energy in bi activism is used up for proving that we even exist, that there often isn't any energy left to address biphobia. So I'm relieved in a way, any time that someone validates bisexuality and biphobia as real things. It's the bare minimum, I know, but it makes my/our work so much easier because you came to us with a foundation upon which we could discuss this. That's so much more helpful for both of us than talking to someone who doesn't even think biphobia is a thing.

Long story short: I think you are on a good way. You've already taken steps to work on your biphobia - that's more than most people can say for themselves. And I think the more you learn about biphobia (maybe just by following this blog and reading more first-hand stories from bisexuals) you will also get better at noticing it when you fall into a biphobic thought and you can stop yourself sooner. That's really all we can do when we want to unlearn prejudices - to learn to recognise them, take a step back and remind ourselves why this is wrong.

One last little thought nugget I'd like to add is that bi people who are in m/f relationships don't even necessarily "enjoy" the presumed heteronormativity that comes with it. Many of us actively reject heteronormativity and even if our partner is a straight person we might actually try our hardest to not "lose" our queer identity in the process. For example I often talk to my straight male partner about my own queerness and queer stuff because I want him to be a part of that as well.

I can only speak for myself and from what I've observed in others over the years but all bi people I know absolutely HATE it when someone assumes they are straight - even if they might have to rely on this for safety, the invisibility that comes with it usually translates into a profound loneliness and nobody likes that. It's a terrible feeling. And as a result, those of us who can come out (even if it's only to their partner and nobody else) often very much wish they didn't seem so heteronormative to the outside eye. Because we didn't choose heteronormativity, we chose a person who just happens to be of a certain gender that society deems to be The Correct One in relation to out own. It's a weird paradox to be rewarded by society for fitting a norm that we ourselves hate and would love to destroy.

Anyway... that was a long tangent but I wanted to get it out there. And by the way: your English is perfect (says I, who also isn't a native speaker lol).

Maddie

[mangora]

Hate to make another long-winded boring lgbt discourse and queercoding post about the td fandom but queercoding inherently relies on stereotypes or other cues that the audience can recognize as queer without them saying it. The reason Heather is seen as lesbian coded by some people inherently plays into the stereotype of lesbians in media needing to be portrayed as inherently evil or being unable to get a happy ending as required by the Hays code where things like the flamboyant queer stem from. IE, since it’s stereotypical it’s honestly up to the people it’s lumping a character in with to decide if they want to reclaim it and/or hold it as valuable representation still, or deny it as demeaning and/or inaccurate. Coding can be useful but it’s not definitive proof of something and you can’t shit on a queer person for what they decide to make of the coding of a character. You’re not biphobic for seeing Alejandro’s flirtatious behavior as bi-coding and the same holds true for people who call that unsubstantial because it’s offensive to them. And speaking of biphobia, calling couples like Jacsee and Jock and Aleheather “Mlm/wlw hostility/solidarity” or “mean lesbian and flamboyant gay” and claiming its coding is really getting old for me. You can have those opinions but saying the women are absolutely lesbians because they’re rude or underhanded and the guys are gay because they’re feminine is like,,,,not giving me good vibes coming from someone who likes some of those headcanons and also someone who is bi. I hope you know bi people are mlm/wlw too like what. Anyways TL;DR coding is definitely present in TD especially for characters like Jo but it’s still not definitive and you’re not bad if you swing on either side of that also please stop excluding bi people from conversations about queercoding and acting like m/f friendships that aren’t platonic lesbian/gay are inherently straight I’m tired okay back to shitposting now sorry for getting wrapped up in the irrelevant online drama that does not matter again

[rantingcrocodile]

I posted here a few days ago. I definitely don't view gay people as enemies. I think I'm just a very specific type of bi who, when I try to talk to straight people about my issues, gets "Idk what to tell you :/" and when I talk to gay people, I get "you're a lesbian". All people I trust, people I assumed would get it. I feel like I'm going to go insane. It is the most miserably lonely, infuriating experience and I would give anything to be straight

Good! They're definitely not enemies, they just... don't get the bisexual experience.

If you're going to straight people and gay people to understand you about bisexuality, they simply can't do it because they're not bisexual. We can understand SSA and OSA, but we don't understand the straight experience or the gay experience, not really.

When I was still convinced that I was straight, I twisted my thought process into knots so that I could believe that my thoughts, desires and behaviours were straight. I thought that was "the straight experience." Discussing it out loud with a friend of mine gave me a very rude awakening.

It's a hard realisation to wrap your mind around, because it's very easy to think, "I find men attractive, so I know what straight women go through?" and "I find women attractive, so I know what lesbians go through?" but being able to relate to those specific things in specific circumstances isn't the same thing at all. We're in our own unique bubble where we're attracted to both, even if you're much more SSA-leaning. Especially so, really, because despite that wonder about whether you're "closer to being a lesbian," lesbians will never, ever genuinely find a man attractive. They will go through their own crises over being lesbians and not being straight the way that society wants them to be, but our crises come from existing outside of the paradigm altogether, the biphobic stereotypes and beliefs that are in the world and attempting to navigate the world not being able to fully relate to other sexualities.

Think about it this way. It's kind of like a lesbian, a bisexual woman and a straight man sat together, all finding the same female celebrity attractive. Yes, there's a common ground there, all three friends finding that woman attractive, but it's incredibly obvious that the lesbian and the straight man don't have the same experience. The same too goes for the bisexual woman. They're all three distinct sexualities that, for a moment, focus on the same person that they can swoon over together, but that's where the similarities end.

So when you rely on others to try and relate and understand you when they're not bisexual, it will automatically feel lonely, because the way that they're built, they simply can't "get it" outside of, "That makes sense to me" when hypothetically thinking about it and trying to be kind to you.

I don't mean to say that to make you feel worse, but to give you more realistic expectations and to help you understand why it feels so lonely. It's also to show you that what you need more than anything else are some real connections to other bisexuals so that you can find the relief that comes with being able to relate to them and know, finally, that there's nothing "wrong" with you, you're just neutrally bisexual and unfortunately are living in a biphobic world.

[punk-rock-alex-manes]

I usually try to save my opinions for after I've seen each episode because I know that context can change a lot, but this is just. . . the absolute wrong move, in so many ways.

I just keep puzzling through this, looking at it from every angle to try and find a single way that this isn't a major violation of every queer character involved here, but I genuinely can't.

I can't stop thinking about how furious I am that they're forcing Alex into a situation that so clearly violates his sexuality, that puts him on the sidelines just to placate a m/f relationship composed of an ex that he's meant to be moving on from and a female best friend that he's barely even back on good terms with. I know it's always been pretty clear that C*rina plays favorites with her characters, but never has it been so blatantly obvious that she doesn't care about Alex at all, and that she would rather use him to further other people's storylines, no matter how badly it hurts him and his character.

And I can't stop thinking about how furious I am that they're pushing Michael into a threesome when "all bisexual people want to have threesomes" and "all bisexual people are unfaithful because they'll never be satisfied with one gender" are literally the worst, most persistent, most damaging stereotypes about bisexual people. It doesn't matter that Michael is the one who loves both Alex and Maria, this storyline does nothing but hurt him and everyone who identifies as bisexual. Period. This situation is seriously so biphobic, I almost can't even fathom it.

Honestly, as much as I hate this storyline within the context of the show, I hate it even more for what it represents. My heart is breaking for every queer person, myself included, who came to this show absolutely thrilled to find representation, took the time to get to know these characters and identify with them and fall in love with them, and now feel so violated, disappointed, and horrified by the way that they're being treated.

We deserve to have good lgbt+ representation that doesn't rely on drama and harmful stereotypes. We deserve to have gay characters who get to fall in love and have a happy ending without suffering, without catering to or being sidelined by straight characters and m/f relationships. We deserve bisexual characters who aren't forced into love triangles and threesomes to somehow justify their sexuality when it only reinforces deeply biphobic stereotypes. We deserve to have legitimate, positive queer representation, and what I hate more than anything else is that for a while, we all thought this was it.