#relationship so who knows I may watch it and not want to meddle with it...... but again for when I'm in a better headspace

[cosmic-ships]

Trying to cheer myself up. read a post before about something like if you're feeling separated or disconnected with your f/o is to watch their source.

So I'm going to spend the rest of this afternoon/evening doing just that.

6.5 / M.arr.iage St.ory / T.he La.st Je.di ('cause its my favourite)/ and finally... Th.e De.ad Do.n't Di.e (The unfortunate source of my restlessness and nightmare last night. Hoping if I watch it, it will remind my brain that Ronnie isn't some malicious and nasty person that my dream set him up to be... )

[lauraneedstochill]

if I see one more post about Aegon “bullying Aemond his entire life”, I will go fucking ballistic, I swear to g—

scratch that, I will actually go ballistic right now. this is the “Aegon doesn’t deserve such a shitty treatment” club and I’m the self-proclaimed CEO. we are about to do some analyzing and reading so BUCKLE UP.

gonna make one thing clear first — Aemond was bullied when he was a child. no one denies that, no excuses can be made for that. I’d only like to note that there wasn’t only one bully. here’s a quick reminder:

now that we successfully counted to three, let’s look over Aegon’s other horrible crimes relationship with Aemond throughout the years.

📍 the night Aemond lost his eye (S1EP7), Rhaenyra suggests he should be “sharply questioned” (she means tortured) so they can learn who told him that her sons were bastards. Viserys, in his perpetual denial, angrily asks Aemond “who spoke these lies” to which he replies that it was Aegon. it is clear that Aemond does that to deflect suspicion from their mother but his words come as a surprise to Aegon.

he’s in a tough spot — Viserys demands the answers “as their king”, not their father (to signify his authority and pressure them into telling the truth). and Alicent screamed in Aegon’s face and slapped him just a minute ago, so he may be less eager to defend her. he can easily lie and say that he overheard some maids gossiping or that he can’t remember where the rumor came from. instead, it takes Aegon about 5 seconds to back Aemond up.

📍 we didn’t get many scenes with young Aegon and Aemond in general, but here’s a short bit people keep overlooking: when Harwin and Criston start fighting, Aemond and Aegon instantly gravitate toward each other. and moreover, Aegon puts a hand over Aemond’s back (which to me is either a protective or a comforting gesture). what a horrible brother, truly.

📍 next we see them all grown up before dinner in S1EP8. I think it’s safe to assume that if Aegon has been bullying Aemond all these years, Aemond wouldn’t want to spend a second in his company. he’s seated between Helaena and Otto, both of whom are dear to him, so Aemond can stay at the table and chat with them. and YET, not only does Aemond voluntarily talks to Aegon, but their conversation seems friendly (you can barely hear it in the show so here’s the enhanced audio). Aemond makes a joke about Aegon’s drinking habits — Aegon quips back — and then, what a shocker! Aemond starts venting his frustrations to Aegon (“Even when the noose is so tight, they expect us to break bread”). nothing would’ve stopped him from venting to Otto but Aemond stays with Aegon. he wouldn’t have done that if there hadn’t been some level of trust between them. he wouldn’t have done that if he hated Aegon’s guts.

📍 at dinner, when Aegon pisses Jace off and the brunet springs to his feet, Aemond stands up too, which forces Jace to act as if nothing happened and come up with a toast. Aegon watches him with a shit-eating grin on his face. it’s the face that screams “I know you won’t dare to act up in front of my brother and my brother has my back”.

when Aemond makes a toast and calls Rhaenyra’s sons “strong”, Aegon raises a cup to that. he can sit this one out — Aemond has his personal vendetta against the boys, and it would be safer for Aegon not to meddle. but what does he do instead? when Luke gets up from the table (clearly intending to go to Aemond), Aegon instantly stands up, comes up to Luke and not just stops him but slams his face into the table right in front of Rhaenyra without thinking twice. and it doesn’t look like Aegon is just messing with him — no, it looks like he wanted to do that for a while. like Aegon finally got his chance to stand up for his brother too. AND he also stops Baela from joining the fight.

📍 S1EP9 is when we get a glimpse of Aemond’s ambitions: he deems himself better than Aegon, he thinks he deserves to be king. but once he finds Aegon and they get into a fight, it turns out that Aegon knows that Aemond is a better choice. he doesn’t want to fight him, he begs Aemond to let him go. and Aemond can do that — Criston has his back to them, so Aemond could’ve pretended that Aegon managed to break free. and even once they caught Aegon, I have no doubt that Aemond could’ve helped him escape. but it seems that, despite his displeasure, Aemond values his family the most. he can’t betray his mother’s trust, and he knows Aegon is the first in line to the throne. Aemond envies him, yes, he may even hate him because of that. but he values his family the most.

📍 as @florisbaratheons noted, during the coronation scene, when Aegon glances at his family, Aemond looks right at him and gives that tiny nod that says “I may hate this and think I am better for the job as king. But I’ve got your back.” I like that Aemond is the one who keeps eye contact in that scene. He could’ve turned away to signal his dissatisfaction with the situation, there wouldn’t have been any consequences for that. But he didn’t.

📍 what I find interesting about S1EP10 is the beginning of Aemond’s dialogue with Luke. that’s the boy Aemond wished to get back at for years and yet, he starts by saying “Did you think that you could just fly about the realm trying to steal my brother’s throne at no cost?”. Aemond could’ve skipped that part — imagine him saying smth along the lines of “Wait, Lord Strong! Don’t you think you and I have other matters to discuss?” (to which Luke answers that he doesn’t want to fight and the conversation goes on). instead, Aemond makes a point to remind Luke: my brother is the king, and I came here on his behalf. you can argue that Aemond doesn’t do it for Aegon specifically but for his family in general. but Aegon is a part of the family, and S1 Aemond has his priorities straight.

📍 as much as I hate comparing the show and the book (these are two different things and should be viewed as such), I’d like to remind you that Aegon was the only one who stood by Aemond’s side after Luke’s death. I wonder why we didn’t get that scene… I guess it’s because it would be kinda hard to call Aegon “the main bully” after he literally throws Aemond a feast. but we do get to see Aegon supporting his brother: in S2EP1 he welcomes Aemond at the small council meeting despite his mother’s protests (“Aemond is my closest blood and my best sword”). and he trusts Aemond wholeheartedly, that much is obvious.

📍 let’s get to the most controversial part — the brothel scene in S2EP3: some people believe Aegon is being a bully at that moment. those people seem to forget one little detail:

it’s been only a few days after the death of Aegon’s son whose murder was a direct result of Aemond’s ruthless actions. does Aemond ever address it? does he express his condolences? does he mayhaps help to catch the killers, being the skilled fighter that he is? the answer is NO.

I do think Aegon’s joke was cruel (I wrote a whole post about it) but that’s all it ever was — a JOKE. the humiliation comes not from the things he says but from the fact that Aemond is found in a vulnerable position and surrounded by a group of strangers while his brother laughs at him. TGC explained it best:

I also love @notbloodraven’s take on that scene:

Aegon lashing out so cruelly at Aemond seems to be an effort in making Aemond feel as badly as he does and blaming him for Jaehaerys without actually saying the words.

would this be the right way to act? no. but there’s no right way to grieve and to cope with the loss — and HIS SON WAS BEHEADED so maybe take 1% of the sympathy you show your favorite character(s) and cut Aegon some slack.

+ other things worth talking about:

📍 @bietrofastimoff23 analyzed S2EP3 beautifully and I can’t help but mention the scene that happens before Aegon goes to the brothel. it’s the moment when Larys suggests that Alicent and Aemond are plotting against Aegon. he isn’t surprised by the idea that his mother can do that — but the second his brother is mentioned, Aegon’s face falls and he shakes his head no. because there is no way Aemond would ever do that to him. and instead of asking for any proof, he asks Larys “who spreads these lies?” and then commands him to “tend to them.” Aegon can ask him to spy on Aemond, to find any dirt on him, find any weaknesses he can use — he does not.

📍 it turns out to be true — Aemond was plotting behind his brother’s back. which is treason btw (I don’t think Criston intended to keep things from Aegon — he probably believed that Aemond would let Aegon in on their plan). and Aegon does have the power to remind Aemond of his place — he can throw him off the council with a snap of his fingers, he can take offense at Aemond’s attempt to publicly humiliate him (their conversation in High Valyrian — Ewan himself calls it a “public execution”). but that’s not what happens: as TGC phrased it, Aemond’s betrayal “breaks a bit of Aegon’s heart off”. an actual bully would’ve immediately pushed back, but Aegon silently sits down and doesn’t argue, he’s so defeated he can’t utter a word. he has the means to be a bully but he doesn’t contemplate it for a second.

📍 I don’t want to talk about S2EP6 because it makes me sick but I will reiterate one thing: never ONCE Aegon made fun of Aemond’s disability or tried to cause him any physical harm. just want to point that out.

there is no moral to this story, I guess. if you managed to read till the very end, thank you. if you still hate Aegon, that’s your opinion and you are allowed to have one — but please, for the love of god, just stop making shit up. no, Aemond was NOT bullied as an adult, absolutely nothing suggests that he was. Aegon was naive to blindly trust him and it backfired on him, that’s the actual story. and if you are so eager to hold Aegon accountable for his mistakes, maybe it’s time for Aemond to take responsibility for his actions too.

+ some of my favorite critical posts about Aegon and Aemond: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x.

P.S. I will not argue with anyone so please don’t waste your time — I consider all my arguments solid and that’s enough for me. if you are thinking of sending me anon hate, pls go take a walk instead, it will do you more good. 🌿

[snowyslytherinowl]

Locked in the Staffroom

PAIRING: Severus Snape x (Professor) Reader

SUMMARY: Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall know that Severus Snape and you have hidden feelings for each other. When Snape refuses to acknowledge that you truly reciprocate his feelings, they lock him in the staffroom to force him to finally ask you out.

*GIF isn't mine.

Excited whispers and giggles sound from inside the staffroom. Who in the wizarding world is giggling? Severus thinks before he pushes the door open. No wonder; it’s Dumbledore and Minerva. The two jump away from each other the second Severus walks in. Tea flies into Minerva’s hands, and Dumbledore stares dreamily out the window. 

“Good day, Severus. What brings you here?” Minerva asks after sipping her tea.

He ignores their question and sneers, “What were you two old bats whispering about?”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkle behind his half-moon spectacles. “In truth, Minerva and I were discussing what a lovely couple you and the charming History of Magic professor would make.” Minerva chokes on her tea, clearly unaware that Dumbledore planned to spill the details of their gossip talk. “We know of your deep, burning feelings for her and believe that it would be prudent to act on them.”

Blood rushes to Severus’s face. “I do not have feelings for her,” he spits. Even if he did, he thinks they would be neither deep nor burning. Sitting next to you at every meal, admiring your outfits and eyes, and dreaming of your every waking moment surely doesn’t constitute as that. 

Fine, perhaps he does fancy you just a little bit. 

“One may attempt to conceal their love, but love cannot be concealed in the way one gazes at their beloved,” Dumbledore says dreamily. 

“She looks at you the same way you look at her, lucky for you.” Minerva raises her eyebrows and throws him a knowing, smug smile. “If you weren’t always so engrossed in your work, you’d see it, too.”

Severus rolls his eyes. “I do not appreciate your meddling in my relationships with the other professors. Either way, you are becoming old and delusional.” The other two professors burst out laughing as Severus turns away and pours a cup of tea for himself. He makes a final comment as his back is turned, “Perhaps you bats need better spectacles or charms to improve your sanity.” 

Mere seconds after he takes his first sip, the staffroom door opens. Severus’s eyes shoot up to see who has entered into this embarrassing conversation, and it is none other than you. His gaze immediately lowers back to the tea, and his hair falls around his face to shield the fact that his face is turning an even brighter shade of red. You take note of the tense atmosphere and awkwardly greet, “Hi, everyone.”

Dumbledore and Minerva warmly greet you, while Severus nods in your direction. You blush at Severus’s albeit scarce attention and walk to stand by him at the drink table. 

“Look at the time. It appears that Minerva and I must depart for our daily bird watching. Hogsmeade residents have reported a sighting of the Fiery Frizzle, and it would be an absolute shame to miss witnessing the bird setting a cottage on fire,” Dumbledore declares. Minerva plays along and they stand up to leave the room.

“I didn’t know that you’re into bird watching,” you note as you pour milk into a coffee. 

“They aren’t,” Severus grunts with full knowledge of their true plan. They want to give you two some privacy so he can make some grand gesture demonstrating his love for you. Too bad for them; he plans to leave the staffroom soon after the older professors depart. Regardless of Severus’s comments, the two give him expectant glances before exiting. 

Silence engulfs the staffroom until you say, “I brought essays to grade. You can join me only if you want to, of course.” You smile shyly when he looks at you. 

“Unfortunately, I have duties to attend to,” Severus says and downs his remaining tea in one go despite how it burns his throat. With his hair covering his eyes, he glances at your dress one last time before heading for the door. It’s truly a shame that he doesn’t have more time (the courage, rather) to admire how it shows your curves in all the right places. 

Severus attempts to turn the door handle and discovers that it’s jammed. No matter the spell he casts and how many times he impatiently grunts “alohomora,” the door doesn’t budge. He notices that you’re looking at him, earning a nervous laugh from him. “The door refuses to open. Not surprising, considering I have been telling Dumbledore that it requires repair.”

“Really? I never had an issue with it. Do you need help?” you ask, but still walk over before he can respond. You cast several spells of your own, none of which work to open the door. Severus feels flustered, but whether it’s because of your closeness or his embarrassment at being unable to complete a simple task on his own, he doesn’t know. 

As you attempt to remove the door handle altogether, a realization hits Severus: the door won’t open unless he confesses his feelings or asks you out. His blood boils as he thinks about how that pair of old baboons are probably up in Dumbledore’s office at this very moment, giggling and kicking their feet with excitement like schoolchildren. He can’t wait to get out of here so he can storm into the office and hit them with every jinx and hex he can think of. 

But then again, neither of you can leave unless he makes a move. The staffroom is hardly the place for pouring his heart out or asking you out on a date. Severus supposes that inviting you to the Three Broomsticks is the best option since you might think he’s merely asking you as a friend. Though what is he supposed to do? Lean against the door and nonchalantly say, “Go to the Three Broomsticks with me?” Or magic a flower into existence and pop the question? Merlin, why does this feel more nerve-wracking than taking on a dragon or walking through the Forbidden Forest during a gloomy night? 

He’s snapped to attention when you say, “I don’t think this thing will budge.” 

“Yes, I believe so,” he mutters back. You’re looking up at him through your eyelashes. Ugh, this seems like the best time to ask you on a date. He crosses his arms against his chest, then uncrosses them because it makes him seem closed-off. Then they hang limply against his sides; no, that makes him look weak. Never mind any of this; just say something!

“Er, I want to… I was wondering if perhaps you, er,” he stammers and forces the rest out in a rushed sentence, “WouldliketogototheThreeBroomstickswithme?”

You scrunch your face together. “What?”

Why couldn’t you just hear him the first time? Do you wish to embarrass him? His eyes fix on a point on the ground to avoid the impending look of horror on your face as he clearly enunciates his next sentence. “Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks with me this Saturday?”

With every ounce of his being, Severus forces himself to look at you. Disgust isn’t written on your face at all. Instead, you’re grinning widely, and your eyes are even brighter than usual. “Yes! Is six okay?”

The muscles of his mouth force his lips into a small smile. “Er, it is,” he replies without thinking if it does. Either way, he’d move around his entire schedule for a mere minute of your time. But then his heart sinks as he realizes that you’ve likely only agreed to accompany him to the Three Broomsticks as an outing between two friends. 

Severus is proven wrong once more when you lean up to him and give him a quick kiss on the cheek! Oh no, he must look like a bashful schoolboy due to his burning cheeks and widening grin. No matter any of that, though, because you kissed his cheek!

“I, er, I shall see you then,” he stammers. You smile and nod in agreement before he reaches for the door handle to leave before he bursts with giddiness. Lo and behold, the door finally opens. 

Unlike what Severus expected, Minerva and Dumbledore are standing at the end of the corridor. Good; he can murder them without having to walk too far! He rushes over to them and upon seeing him, their faces break out into vicious little smirks. 

“I have half a mind to turn you into mice and feed you to snakes!” Severus sneers. 

The two professors look at each other and laugh so hard that Minerva has to put a hand on Dumbledore’s arm to stable herself. “We see that you’ve taken our advice to heart,” Dumbledore says. “Did she agree to your invitation?”

“That is none of your business!” he spits. 

“It appears that she did agree, Albus!” Minerva exclaims. “You can thank us for that later. I rather think that Minerva would be a beautiful middle name for your future baby girl.” 

Severus’s eyes narrow and he advances on the two, but he merely gets close enough to scowl in their faces. “I rather think that name hideous!” he snaps and jerks back to leave the two where they are in the hall.  

But he’s halfway to the stairs when Dumbledore calls back, “Perhaps Albus would be a suitable middle name for a boy!” 

Severus doesn’t respond. Instead, he flicks his wand at a window, smashing it and sending glass flying everywhere. His cloak billows around him as he grumpily climbs the stairs and disappears from sight, but he can’t help but wonder what name would be regal enough for his future child. 

[claudiafrankie]

Pick a Card: Let me Describe You/What You're Going Through

DISCLAIMER: TAROT IS NOT AN EVIDENCE-BASED PRACTICE. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS.

Pile 1: The Birds

This pile feels strongly ancestral. I don't know if you connect with your ancestors but they sure as shit want to connect with you lol. I think something in your life is in the process of unfolding and you are doing a really good job of staying objective about it. Not meddling with the outcome, just letting what will be, be. There seems to be a lot of chatter and external opinions flying around you, and your ancestors are like "for the birds" lmao.

For awhile now you have been in a stage of agitation, like when the piece of sand gets caught in an oyster and is transformed into a pearl. I think there's people around you that can sense that this is going on within you, but they might not have the tools to articulate this or approach you in a loving/sincere way about it, with the concern for your well-being/desire to help at the forefront of their intentions.

You could be isolating a lot because you feel this energy. You have become masterful at creating a haze/fog around yourself to conceal and protect yourself. It's like your in the kitchen cooking for company and your guests are breathing down your neck like "When's it going to be ready?? What are you making in there??? Can I see can I see can I see????" Lol I don't think these people have ill intentions they just don't know how to support you right now. I think you might have to take a more direct approach if you want them to lay off, though. I don't see them easing up/giving you your space, so if you want/need that it might be time to say that up front. You are pretty good at evading prying eyes, but you may have to play mama bear for yourself if you need more space than what you're getting.

I think you've been getting a lot of downloads and messages about your path and your healing process. You need to know that to integrate these messages you have to find better ways to rest. Not just literally like sleeping or napping, but things you can do to relax your mind and especially your body. You're kind of in a gestation process. Dealing with that on top of the stress of everyday living (and these birds who can't seem to mind their own business lol) calls for a more serious prioritization of slowing down.

I feel like I need to tell you that meditation doesn't have to be sitting still and breathing. Beach-combing can be meditative, coloring in a coloring book can be meditative, baking brownies can be meditative. I think it would really help you to pick an activity that is simple and slow and just really do it. Feel the pebbles/sand crunch/squeak under your feet, feel the coarse calcium shells, smell the crayons and watch their colors flood a blank page, listen to the egg shells crack on the counter.

I get that you might be dealing with some feelings of fear and/or dread. You aren't really sure what you're transforming into, and what will be left standing in your life once the process is complete. You're not a bad person for changing and leaving things or people behind. I think you are the type to cling to guilt over past relationships and really beat yourself up over mistakes. You are allowed to make mistakes. Once you start giving yourself that grace I think this gestation period will be a lot more bearable. It will still be uncomfortable, but you'll have a greater level of tolerance for discomfort and a stronger skill set for accommodating yourself.

I think you might be called to help guide others who are going through a similar process as well. I think this is not the first time you have moved through a period like this. You have the ability to notice when someone is struggling with changes in their own life and psyche, and the wisdom to be a source of comfort and guidance for them. I think you have encountered unsolicited advice and know how unhelpful and frustrating it can be to be on the receiving end of that, you know how to hold space for people in uncomfortable transition periods and not assert your own opinions/perspectives onto them of what they "should" be doing or what you think would be "good" for them. More than anything you understand how invaluable it is to have someone witness what you're going through and reflect it back to you without judgement. To really see you, and be with you.

Take care pile 1.

Pile 2: The Tower

Woah. This pile feels old old. There is a profoundly detached energy coming through for you guys, very cerebral and heady. It's not cold, but there is a sort of ruthless... neutrality. You see everyone as being on the same level, playing on the same field, fighting for the same things. Just maybe with some different outfits or weapons. This perspective informs your behavior heavily, and I feel like this might be misread by those around you as a disregard for authority, a sense of entitlement, of superiority. When in actuality, you're simply carrying yourself as exactly what you are: a sovereign being with power over your own life. You know that no one gets to tell you who you are, ever.

This kind of self-image and worldview, to many, is radical. Your presence forces people to confront themselves. They see you move through obstacles, pick yourself up, let things bounce right off you, and keep trying. They see your unwavering sense of self, a steady fire burning in a hearth. They are confronted with the reality that they have not cultivated this in themselves, or at least have not attained the level of mastery they perceive in you.

This can go two ways: some look to you as a source of inspiration. Some as competition. This pile is used to people competing with them for no good reason. You may have had people pretend to be friends with you, get close to you, try and siphon off of the glow and warmth of your inner world. You see the pain in people and you easily forgive, you are understanding of the myriad of reasons why people struggle to accept themselves. But you have also learned that, at the end of the day, we either decide to do something about this pain or we don't. And you can't make anyone do anything. There's that radical neutrality. You have faith that everyone is where they are meant to be, and will end up where they are meant to go.

Two of the tarot cards I pulled for you guys were Justice and the Ace of Swords. You guys are both a channel for the truth and the truth itself. The smallest things you do signal to others how you see the world, how you understand your place in it. I forget where I heard this, but there is an idea of "how you do one thing is how you do everything." That's you guys. Your beliefs permeate into everything you do.

I think for a lot of you, your karma could be playing out in the workplace. I think you are supposed to model for people what it means to really do the work, literally and figuratively. You are meticulous and shrewd. I might even say brilliant. You have a sharp mind and the drive to back it up. I get the sense that if you wanted to you could really fuck with people, but you don't. And I think this is for two reasons: I think you have a genuine appreciation and love for people and humanity, and I think you also have a deep understanding of the laws of karma. You understand the seriousness and precariousness of it all. You do not hold this lightly.

Maybe things feel stagnant at work, like they aren't moving, like your efforts go unnoticed or worse, are disregarded. Keep going. Keep trying. Not for anyone but yourself. Because you owe it to yourself to cultivate something that is all yours. Brick by brick, I think you have the potential to build yourself into a seriously successful person. But I don't think you'll be one of those people who has windfalls of luck - unexpected promotions or raises. And if these things do come to you, I see that these speedy promotions will be ultimately reversed. You are here to show people what it means to do it yourself, do it right. And doing it right takes time. But I don't think you need me to tell you that. ;)

Take it easy pile 2.

Pile 3: The Heart

You guys are tired and fed the fuck up is who you are lmao. I think the amount of pressure and frustration you have been encountering in your relationships has been building and building and building. As I'm writing this the time is 5:55, and two of your tarot cards are the five of pentacles and the five of swords. Things are changing for you guys, and it probably feels like, "Finally."

I think you're moving through a period where you have felt powerless when it comes to your relationships. There is a lot of build up of resentment for the people around you. I think you have been trying to stay optimistic, and maybe pushing down the part of you that's like "actually no......... we're not going to be treated like that"

I think there is or was a group of people that made you feel excluded. Your mistakes were magnified and your wins were ignored. You have been made to feel like it's your fault that they don't accept you, framing the dynamics as though you are the one who has to earn their approval. There is a really fucked up weaponizing of abandonment/belonging here. Like the behavior of these people is underhanded and covert, nothing really big happens that you can point to and say "That's what I'm talking about!!! Y'all are giant assholes!" It's all under the surface but it is detectable in so many of your interactions. They have been trying to get you to crack, to contort yourself to meet their expectations, to sacrifice your autonomy and self respect to fit in, just like they have.

I think there is some danger here on your part of swinging to an extreme. With the level of anger and frustration depicted in your cards, I wouldn't be surprised if you are fighting back tooth and nail your impulse to smack a bitch. I would like to tell you that, while honestly this would likely be a valid response in your situation, please do not engage in these types of behavior. Once to retaliate or respond to how you are being treated, it will be twisted. Even though you are the one who has been poked, prodded, and laughed at, if you respond to this - you will be made out to be the bad guy. And I know that that is crazy-making, but it's unfortunately how the world works. Don't give them the satisfaction. Take all that pent up energy and channel it into something for you, don't waste it on these people. They don't deserve it. Let it fuel your work ethic, start a new creative project, learn a new skill, start a side hustle, whip yourself into killer shape. Start your winter arc early, if you will. Let them watch you climb to the top, and then smile at them.

I think yeah you're just in a time of realizing how much of yourself you have set aside to please other people, and how detrimental this is to you and your relationships. You might have been feeling socially "stuck" for a long time. Past hurts have calcified and become like part of your skeletal structure. You've been in so much pain. I'm not sure if you've been keeping what you've been going through to yourself but if you have, it seems like some kind of outlet would be good. Even if you don't have anyone in your life that you feel safe opening up to, or if you can't afford therapy, use your body, journal, scream in a pillow, rage cry, dance it out to bad bitch anthems. This is like heavy and sharp and hot energy and it's just sitting in your solar plexus. You could be lashing out at people who don't deserve it and pushing away potential friends because there's just so much of this pain that you are struggling to express it and move through it. This is human and normal and there is nothing wrong with you!!!!

Best of luck pile 3

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x05 The Duke and I

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

It's episode five! Things are getting spicy! ;) While there's not a ton in this episode, there are some BIG developments...

Tomatoes

Alright, so I should mention before we get too into this scene, that it kicks off with mentioning the money issues the Featheringtons are about to have. It's part of the reason Portia is gonna push Marina marrying Colin so hard. Having a wealthy Bridgerton in her pocket kills two birds with one stone.

Alright, so this is day who knows how long of this courtship has been going on, and after the events of last episode, Penelope is no longer thinking this whole thing is cute or tolerable anymore. It's a combination of -- she's fucking with the man I love and the man I love is being fucked with, which are two different things. Yes, she is protective of her feelings and has no desire to watch Colin be with someone else. But she's also very protective of Colin in general - because they do have a relationship. It may not be romantic, but there are mutual feelings of friendship, and she sincerely does not like that Marina is manipulating him.

But of course - the look on her face here is pure jealousy. Because Colin is bringing flowers to Marina every day. And Marina doesn't really care all that much, but oh, how Penelope would love to be courted, love to be romanced, love to have the attention of any one showering her gifts and compliments. But the fact that it's not just some guy that she could live vicariously through Marina with, it's Colin, which makes it intolerable.

Meanwhile, oh Colin, lost in his own fantasies. He loves playing this role of romantic hero. He brings in flowers every time for Marina -- because it's a way to show he cares about her. It's also, probably, proper gentlemanly contact to bring gifts during a courtship. But it's also interesting -- that the whole reason this tomato discourse kicks off is that he wants to surprise her, be unpredictable, make himself stand out when it comes to the courtship.

Also, I'm really entertained by the thought that a bushel of tomatoes would be used as a courtship device. Nothing says romance quite like the tomato. (As much as I'm being cheeky about it, I do love a bit of spontaneity and absurdity in a relationship, so I do approve of Colin's ridiculousness here.)

I LOVE the tomato discourse. I love it.

I love that Penelope can't even help herself by injecting her comments. She is gonna meddle, but it's going to be on a simpler level to start with. Just a throwaway comment that really doesn't raise eyebrows (at first) that Marina doesn't like tomatoes. Which undermines the act that Marina is throwing at Colin (and Pen so notes this -- and, honestly, she's probably a bit amused that Colin picked something that Marina probably does actively hate).

Then, of course, after Marina kind of brushes that comment off, Pen digs in a little more -- suggesting the best place to go get tomatoes is... Greece. (My god, this cracks me up every time -- is Greece known for it's tomatoes??) And I love that she says this with a smile, playing it off as if she were just trying to be helpful. Then she suggests Colin bring her back a bunch (because I'm sure they'd survive the trip) after he gets back from Greece. Oohh, Pen, it's a longshot stall tactic, but if she can just put this courtship on delay...

It's fascinating watching Marina in this moment. She KNOWS that Penelope is up to meddling. She knows that she's intentionally trying to stop things from progressing forward, but the interesting thing is that she doesn't know why Pen is doing it. I mean, I kind of think it's obvious, but Marina, at this point, has begun to trust Penelope as a friend -- so it just comes off as her being super weird.

Colin, meanwhile, is a bit baffled by Penelope. He doesn't really catch on that she's meddling -- thinks, more so, that she's being a little obtuse, and that is not catching on that he'd rather see how things work out with Marina. But...

There are a couple of interesting dynamics going on in this last little bit.

First of all, the comfort in which Pen and Colin speak to each other says a lot. There's no formality between them. They speak with each other at ease, in the way siblings would talk with each other. Colin, no doubt, probably does think of Pen a bit like Eloise in this moment. He even calls her Pen, here, which is kind of unusual when you think about it, because they're at her house and not his. And the way he kind of dismissively states he's unsure of his travel plans -- it's said, almost irritatingly, in the way you'd want to tell your younger sibling to bugger off, I'm trying to hook up with this girl...

When Pen brings up his travel plans, she mentions that he's always been interested in travel. And while this is a calculated thought - a way to re-inspire desires that he has probably for sure talked about at great length when she's been over to visit Eloise -- I think there's some sincerity here, too. I think she can recognize a desire to go out and see the world, and the idea of him closing the door on that opportunity -- especially for Marina, who is manipulating a relationship with him, and will saddle him with fatherhood at such a young age really does get to her.

Which is why it's more complex than -- I have a crush on a boy, if I get him out of the country, he won't hook up with the pregnant lady and be stuck with her.

Colin then has a line that REALLY sticks out to me. :: 'Were I to go, there are things in London I'd miss more than seeing the world.'

This line hits a little harder when you sit down and think about it. I don't doubt that Colin has an adventurous spirit -- more so than either of his older brothers. But I think also, unlike them (well, Benedict is going to go about it another way) Colin is searching for something. He isn't sure what, but travel seems to be an opportunity to find out.

Marina is a purpose. She's a reason to stay. She's a reason to do the things that his heart really desires to do. She's a person to protect. A person to start a family with. A person whom he does want to figure out his sexual desires with. A person who will let him satisfy the role he thinks he's supposed to have in society. And if that person is right there - then why travel in the first place? He doesn't need to search for something that is right there.

The fascinating thing is that it is better for Colin that he does end up going. He kind of needs those experiences to gain new outlooks on life, to clear his head, to be at peace with himself, and to understand what really missing something when he's away is. And, of course, because he'll find that he'll get to fall in love in a deeper way while he's gone (of course - through his correspondence with Penelope).

And, of course, i can't help but go back to thoughts on The Odyssey -- which is one of the myths embedded in Pen and Colin's story -- the story of a world weary soldier just trying to get back home to his wife... Penelope.

Colin thinks he understands what he's saying when he says that line. But he doesn't truly get. And won't ever if he choses a path with Marina - one that is doomed to be a (possibly) unfulfilled life.

It's always so funny to me when TV characters have private conversations literally two feet away from people who shouldn't hear it, lol.

Pen is probably well aware that the childish meddling she's doing isn't really working, so she goes to appeal to her mother. She points out that Colin is young, yes, but she tries to appeal to her mother's sense of logic. She points out that there may not be enough time to get them married since Colin is young and may not be ready for marriage. Portia considers, but does have her own plans...

Ug, poor Pen, the pining does get me. It'll be alright, girl...

A Plan...

If there's one thing you can say about Marina, it's that she knows how to play this game, and how to do it well so that she can get what she needs. Is it manipulation? Yes. Is she doing it out of self preservation? Absolutely.

She completely plays Portia here (Portia, isn't necessarily stupid, either, but is trying to be calculating in her own right). Marina appeals to Portia's sense of status -- and her desire and need to maintain that status. So Marina basically cuts her a deal. Let me go after Colin, and I'll repay you by letting you stay in your good standing with the Ton. And so the two of them forge an alliance.

But, ah, all this talk of seduction and manipulation -- that's breaking Penelope's heart as she hears it. It's bad enough that the guy she loves is interested in someone else. She has always known or felt that she'd lose Colin some day to another woman. But to lose him to people who do not have his best interest at heart? It's devastating.

But still... she does not go first to her best line of defense, Lady Whistledown... that's the last possible card she'll play.

A Wedding

This is, like, the saddest wedding ever. Man, they look miserable.

Colin seems fine about it. He smiles a bit because it's Daphne, and she's getting married. But not a whole lot of insight to pull out here. He's so detached from this plot line, lol.

A Proposal

So, right before we jump into the Pen and Marina stuff, Cressida approaches Daphne and basically says -- I hope some day you'll pay me to keep quit about the shit I saw in the garden. Like, the girl had a blackmailing mindset even here. I mean, obviously Season 3 didn't come out of nowhere, but it is interesting the seeds they did place for things so early on.

Anyway... Penelope's back to her meddling -- this time trying to get Marina interested in ANYONE else. And I mean, Pen's got a good eye. She's watched all of these people, and I trust that she's attempting to set Marina up with a good (enough) match.

After Marina becomes stubborn about Colin, Penelope opens up. While she's not entirely truthful, she is very open and does lay a lot of it on the line. She admits she does care for Colin. She admits that she just cannot stand back and watch him be manipulated into a life that he didn't sign up for. While she is holding back on the extent of her romantic feelings, she is being emotionally vulnerable, in a way to get Marina to empathize with her. I mean, she is being sincere, and cutting a lot of the mind games crap she had been doing. But she's hoping that a more open approach will help change Marina's mind.

Of course - Marina is out to win. She sees no other options, and she does throw some of it back in Penelope's face. She knows that Colin is a sure thing, and that she'll be treated right. She is not going to lose that chance - because the alternative are the Rutledges of the world. And she just can't take that chance.

It's kind of funny that she still doesn't get how invested Penelope is in this, but she is giving Pen her own moment of emotional vulnerability. She is running out of time, and she will do what she can to secure a good future for herself, and however Penelope feels about it, doesn't really matter because it's ultimately not about her. (And, you know, she isn't wrong, even though we may side with Pen on this one.)

We also learn that Rudledge is engaged and off the market (darn) so Portia tells Marina she'd better get working on Colin... there is a time limit after all.

Before we get to Colin though... we have this brief moment between Pen and Eloise. They've had their fight, and now it's awkward. Neither really quite knowing what to say. But it'll be alright... They always find their way back to each other. But no time for that now! Other plotlines to get to! lol

Poor Pen, no where to hide in this brightly lit, very white room. She can't hide from Eloise. And she can't hide from Marina and Colin. It's just a lot... Just a lot to witness, and she can't do anything about it.

Not at the moment anyway...

The reason the earlier episodes showed Pen and Marina getting along well is to establish the respect Pen has for Marina and vice versa. But this is the turning point. Because Pen had tried to be open about her feelings and Marina was just not playing that game.

Oh, there is some anger in Penelope's eyes. You do not fuck with Colin. You just don't. Penelope would help her with any, every other man in all of England. Just not hers. Pen could accept if Marina truly loved Colin, she probably would let him go.

But the 'act' is going into full swing now, and Pen just cannot with it. She just cannot with how Marina is going to completely manipulate the situation. And even though Pen doesn't get to see what we're about to -- she knows what's happening. Unfortunately, poor Colin can't.

So, what is the FIRST thing Marina do? She needs to get them alone, so she pretends she's not feeling well. And I mean, she gets him. She so gets him. His protector/hero complex is activated and he quickly is not only concerned, but gets her out of there.

And oofff, this next scene is almost hard to watch, because every beat of it on Marina's end is calculated. It's masterful really.

Oh, poor Pen, having a moment for herself of sadness.

But I also just thought of something... had Marina chosen anyone else, she could have really helped Marina. The Lady Whistledown of it all could have helped her. Penelope watches everything, she knows things, and she could have helped Marina in snagging any other man at that party. Of course, she was never going to give up her identity, but it's kind of interesting to think of the what ifs...

Oh man, Marina's smug look when they enter the study. She isn't even trying to hide it.

Colin. You are such a dumbass. (Said with all the love, cause I do love his dumb ass.)

It's funny, Colin is such an interesting study because he's got such a duality about him. Social decorum is something he thinks about (and will very much so in this scene), but he also isn't really one to play by the rules.

In this instance, though, it's his youthful inexperience and naivety that is his down fall. Does he want to be alone with Marina? Yes. But does he sense that she's setting this up so they can be alone? Not even in the slightest. He's still in protector mode. Even the scandalous shutting of the door is about her comfort, not about what she's trying to get.

He may be a little slower, but he's not a complete idiot, and when he takes a moment to asses that she's fine, he gets it. And the wheels start turning. And yeah, he does want to hook up with her. His little grin at his fortune says that.

Marina, however, just has zero time for the drawn out romance Colin has playing in his head. She is direct and gets right to the point. And I love that there's a little moment of freak out that crosses his face. Sure, he wants to hook up -- but he clearly never has before, because the minute she moves forward he does have a sheer moment of panic before he regains himself. He wants her. But he has no idea what he's doing.

And then we get this. This almost kiss. And there's just... a lot to this little moment. A lot.

Because I think it speaks to Colin's fantastical idea of what romance is vs the reality of it when it's staring him in his face.

I do think, yes, base line, he wants to kiss her -- among other things. And I do kind of wonder if he even has kissed anyone at this point, because he's kind of acting as if he's in this place where it just feels... not right. And, not even coming from the societal pressure (which I'll get to in a second) but from a place where -- he has all of these romantic little fantasy of what this moment should be like, and having a rushed moment in the study the way Anthony probably would do it, is not really Colin. Or.. this youthful version of Colin who doesn't have the experience.

I have to wonder if this younger Colin has all these fantasies about kissing his wife for the first time at their wedding and the magical moments he know does happen afterwards. And I think that's why I do think it's a good thing all of this happens because it does end up smashing his idyllic version of romance to allow him to be open to what real romance is -- not the ideas he's made up in his head, but what is really there.

(And I mean, I guess I'll get into it maybe later? I do have headcanons for Colin -- such as his first time with a woman was probably bought and paid for at a brothel. That after this whole Marina thing kind of sours him on love for a while, it pushes him to go out and get some experiences. It allows him to understand the world a bit better - so when he finally does see Penelope, he'll understand it better.)

So he stops the kiss. And Marina, who is savvy as fuck for navigating all of this so quickly, doesn't push him. She's gonna seduce him, but she'll do so on his terms. And appealing to his greater sense of romanticism and honor. Which really works in her favor, ultimately.

Colin can barely believe he's stopping - because he probably is a bit overwhelmed by whatever body reaction is probably happening in that moment. He still considers himself a gentleman who does things in a proper order.

And it's funny, as much as he ends up being a bit of a rule breaker, it's almost not intentionally. He wants to always be doing the right thing. He wants that honor. He wants to be the gentleman. He wants to be seen in good standing by the greater society. So he won't do anything to compromise himself, but more so her. And so he holds back because this is not the proper way. So, yes, I do think some of society's pressure is on display here, too.

Oh, but Marina, girl is so calculated in this scene. She plays on his gentlemanly nature. Plays on his need for honor. And pushes hard on his desire. You almost feel bad for how easily Colin cracks. He is very much a 'my wife' guy. Even here with Marina, that tendency is here on display.

The jump to marriage is bonkers quick. Yes -- it is partially fueled by society's restraints on sexual desires. But it's also a romantic fantasy Colin actually wants. He wants a wife. He wants that life. He's just never found that emotional connection to really fuel him to go for it. But he thinks he has that with Marina. He thinks that she wants that life with him, too. And, of course, now that they've been alone and courting, he thinks it is the proper step to take. So he does.

It's sweetly in earnest. And a bit unsure of a proposal. He doesn't doubt his own feelings, but he doesn't know where Marina stands.

When Marina not only says yes but looks ecstatic about the idea, he just lights up. Romantic achievement fulfilled. That almost kiss did make him unsure of things. But now that marriage is on the table. Now that they can have this nice long engagement and a fancy wedding and this idyllic life of love he's always heard about from his mother, he is so, so excited about it. He thinks he's getting everything he's ever wanted.

And... he thinks he's giving her everything she wants. He talks about her deserving a grand wedding. He is (almost hilariously) breathless when he says it'll be wonderful. (There is really a little ten yo girl living Colin's heart, lol)

Unfortunately, Marina's excitement is not for the same reason as his own. She's thrilled that this whole plan has worked as quickly and as swimmingly as she wanted to. And... she didn't even have to sleep with him to get a proposal. Win-win, really.

Oh, Colin... he feels everything so intensely. It's a shame this is a mix of lust and youthful ignorance fueling romantic fantasies that this proposal comes about. And Marina was hoping for all of that. He promises that he'll give her everything she wants, and he does in this moment. It's a shame that what Colin doesn't realize -- it is just a fantasy, and ultimately, not what he wants.

Oh man, that look Marina gives before she turns around. Diabolical. I don't think of her as a villain. I really don't. I think she's a young woman who is desperate and willing to do what she can to ensure her own safety. But she is playing with his heart, and knows it.

Look how giddy he is, oh Colin... Well, they promise not to say anything -- because seriously, probably not a good thing to announce your engagement at your sister's wedding. But Colin's probably going to be sleeping well tonight.

It's interesting -- thinking about how Penelope is currently a little heartbroken while all of this is going on. But, you know, she's had a long time to have to deal with these problems, with the emotions. She is able to handle a lot of these harder emotions and process them better because they've been going on for so long.

I think when the shit hits the fan with Marina, it's going to hurt so much worse in some ways. It's like the opposite of the she fell first, he fell harder trope. He's never had to experience heartbreak on this level before, and it'll feel devastating. It's no wonder he spends all of season 2 spiraling. Huh.

Anyway, on that happy note, we get to move onto episode 6! Which is my favorite Polin episode for Season 1 :)

[As an aside, this episode ends with Daphne and Simon's first time, which -- has a lot of similarities, beats, and dialogue as the Polin mirror scene. But the atmosphere, tone, and even acting are a lot different. Idk - I find it really fascinating. If anyone else does, let me know, and I can do a side by side analysis of it, cause there are some interesting things to dissect there.]

[blushing-in-space]

Deception

-> anakin skywalker

Summary: [Based on Clone Wars; S4 Ep15] As a Jedi Knight, it’s part of your duty to follow the orders of the Jedi Council, no matter how taxing or dangerous the task. You are given a highly classified mission that not only may end in your death but requires complete secrecy from everyone- Even your lover Anakin Skywalker.

Warnings: ANGST, Death, murder, blood, slight gore, loss of loved ones, grieving process. Probably inaccurate use of the force and force healing

-> I looked at the message before me, brows furrowed. No, this couldn’t be right… Would the Jedi Council ask this of me? Something so classified sounds like it should be a mission of a Jedi Master, not a knight like me.

Mace Windu’s face was all the answer I needed. His eyes were slits as he looked down at me, face set seriously. His fellow council members had a similar expression.

“It is of the utmost importance no word spoken here leaves this room. Is that understood, [name]?” Windu repeats to me.

I have no choice but to nod my head. I serve the Galactic Republic, I cannot let my relationships meddle in my duties as a Jedi Knight.

I bowed my head, “Yes, masters. It will be done.”

——

“What’s the big rush?” Anakin smirks as I carry myself hastily down the dimly lit alleyway we always take when returning to the Jedi Temple from the port.

Ahsoka trails behind us both, thankfully oblivious to Anakin’s wandering hands. I did not agree to her being here and had suggested she take the shuttle home, knowing it would be safer for the young padawan. But like her master, Ahsoka was stubborn and determined to join us for the meeting I had lied about. I feared for her safety- I hope she will not be there when the time comes.

I glance over at Anakin, forcing a playful smile to adorn my lips as I would have in normal circumstances. “I’m not rushing. I’m just trying to get to the council meeting on time.”

I ignore Anakin as he rolls his eyes. “I can see it now- another boring debate I’ll sleep through,” he sighs, though his eyes linger on me and I can’t help but notice it.

We fell for each other when we were just padawans, and have remained loving by one another’s side for almost four years. While I was fairly good at hiding stolen looks and the brush of our hands, Anakin on the other hand doesn’t seem to understand the strategy of hiding our relationship.

He struggles more than I do with our relationship. It frustrates him so easily when he cannot pull me into a kiss after not seeing me for weeks, or to just wrap his arm around me as we walk as I can tell he wants to do now. I’ve known from the start about Anakin’s unusually strong emotional side for a Jedi. That is what makes me especially nervous for tonight.

“Luckily I’ll have you to keep my company,” Anakin mutters to me in a quiet and husky tone, his hand reaching to touch the crease of my waist.

I shoot him a look of warning, glancing over at Ahsoka who was just a few steps behind him. He’s lucky she happened to be looking away and had not looked too deeply into his words.

“If it's so boring for you, would you rather them call you in to train younglings?” I look smugly over my shoulder to Anakin, who grimaces at my comment while Ahsoka huffs a light laugh.

“I think you would enjoy that, master,” Ahsoka quips sarcastically as she steps to Anakin’s side, and he scuffs and looks away from his apprentice.

“As I thought.”

I try to keep up a high-spirited mood while with Anakin before my time comes to act. I see Anakin smiling, his lips parted to make another smart-assed comment. I give him a cheeky smile. After tonight I won’t see him again for yet another long week. And I know that week will be devastating for him.

He doesn’t hide anything from me. He’s told me how he held his mother in his arms and watched the life drain from her eyes. I’m aware he fears the same fate will reach another of his loved ones. Every time I leave for a battle I promise to him I’ll be safe and will return safely to his arms. Now I have been gagged by the Jedi Council from telling him the truth of what I must do. The guilt is almost unbearable having to keep such a secret from my own lover.

Anakin’s blue eyes search mine, I feel him wield the force to poke into my mind. I raise a brow at his perceptiveness. Does he know? I shake him, cutting off his access to my mind through the force. I don’t like it when he does that and he knows it. His brows furrow as he feels the loss of our connection, but he does not pry at my barrier. I nod to him in a silent already broken promise that we will talk later.

Our unspoken words distracted me so much that I almost wouldn’t have sensed the blaster shot coming toward me if Ahsoka had not warned me.

I roll to the side, taking cover behind the nearby crates. I whip my head around to see Anakin and Ahsoka have done the same, both of their backs pinned to the crates opposite of me. My blood pumps furiously through my veins. I should have let the shot take me down. The first and undeniable worst part of my mission would already be over.

“Where’d that shot come from?” Ahsoka yells, voice riddled with panic as she looks from me to the roof of an apartment building in the distance.

I show no concern as I peek my head over the crates, catching a glimpse of the bright blinding light of the sniper who had tried to kill me just then. Who I should have let kill me. My heart would be pounding in my chest if it weren’t for the drug I had taken before leaving that would suppress my heartbeat.

I shake off any fear. I won’t die today- I’m following my orders. My duty as a Jedi comes before anything else. Anakin will understand that when I return. I glance over at him and Ahsoka behind the crates opposite of me, and single them to follow my lead. Neither of them questioned my plan for us to split up over on the rooftop.

I feel Anakin trying to push into my mind as I roll behind the next set of crates, another blaster shot barely missing me. I feel his anxiousness about the situation, either for me being in danger or his padawan, I’m not sure. I just feel guilty for what I’m about to put him through.

I climb to the rooftop, keeping my cover as I deflect a shot back at the assassin to not rouse suspicion. I see Anakin has done as I asked him, for once in his life, and spot him heading to flank the shooter. Ahsoka jumps from rooftop to rooftop, taking the back approach to the shooter. I realize my time is running out to start this mission.

Anakin races on the rooftop across from me, taking cover at the same time as I do. He catches my eyes, blue eyes blazing across the darkness of the Coruscant alleyway. He’s going to dart around to get the shooter. I know he is.

“He’s behind the building!” Ahsoka coms to both me and Anakin, and I know this is where I must end this chase.

Anakin’s head whips around to the building across from us, eyes narrowed and his hand goes to grip his saber. I suck in a breath, closing my eyes as I prepare for the pain. I pray to the Maker the blaster-proof vest will be enough to save me from the real threat of death.

I block Anakin completely from my mind before stepping into the wide-open space as a red light hits my chest.

“[name]!” I hear Anakin scream as the assassin's blaster finally hits me, unexpectedly knocking me so far back I fall from the edge of the building and into sudden darkness.

Ahsoka’s heart sinks seeing Master [name] fall from the edge as she rounds the corner. She looks up to see her Master immediately trying to follow [name], attempting to run from his cover but having to soon duck as a blaster shot flies past his face.

“I got her! Go!” Ahsoka called out to Anakin, hiding the fear in her voice as she looked up at him.

Anakin’s eyes widen as he looks down at her, and his face seems to drain of color for a moment. He’s afraid. Ahsoka so rarely sees real fear on her master's face. No matter the battle or injury. His demeanor never falters. His expression is always lax and words smooth, even as he’s faced with danger, but in this moment Ahsoka does not see that familiar bravery in her master now. That is what scares her the most.

She doesn’t watch long enough to notice how Anakin hesitates for far too long before he chases whoever shot [name], she has no time to do anything but rush to the Jedi Knight's side. [name]’s body is completely limp in a pile of boxes and trash, left arm twisted unnaturally. There’s no blood, but a black mark is burned into the knight’s white-robed chest.

Ahsoka pulls [name]’s body from the rumble, panicking when she does not awake. She lifts the knight's head into her lap but freezes her finger above [name’s] neck to check for a pulse. She fears she knows the answer. Ahsoka has watched people die. Despite her age, she’s a commander- she sees death every day. But never someone so close to her. Someone she regarded as a friend. As a sister.

“Master?” Ahsoka whispers as she finally puts her fingers to the soft spot on [name]’s neck. She gulps as she feels nothing, then tries the curve of her wrist. Then feels nothing again. She sucks in a breath as her eyes become glassy at the sight.

Ahsoka hears Anakin drop from the roof and run down to her. “How is she?” He pants, wild blue eyes looking down at them.

Ahsoka can barely move her head to look up at him, and when she does, she nearly lets tears fall. She doesn’t know if she has the words to say it. She knows Anakin and [name] were padawans together. She knows how close the pair are. She only pretends to be blind to her master’s deep attachment to the other Jedi knight for his sake. That’s why she can hardly hold it together when he crouches down to see [name] completely unresponsive.

“[name]?” Anakin says, voice rattling.

Ahsoka doesn’t fight him as he takes [name] from her arms and holds her in his. He brushes her hair away from her face to reveal her eyes closed with death. Ahsoka watches her master's eyes fill with grief as he clutches her body to him.

“[name]!” He yells louder this time, desperately shaking her shoulders. He puts his hands over the black mark on her chest and continuously presses down on it in a failed attempt to start back [names] still heart. Ahsoka can’t look anymore. She can’t watch her master hopelessly revive a dead woman.

Ahsoka stands and runs away when Anakin calls out her name again, tears now falling from his eyes as he stares at his lover's dead body.

He had to hand her body off to the authorities when they arrived. He had to explain what happened all while pretending he didn’t just lose his wife.

The hardest challenge of his life wasn’t fighting Count Dooku or leading the largest battalion in the Republic Military- it was returning to the Jedi Temple with nothing to show for his lover's existence but her blood on his robes and her lightsaber.

[name] was supposed to come to his quarters tonight after the meeting. They hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, each being assigned to different planets, but each immediately returned to the other, as always. His fears of her usually vanish once he is reunited with her after their respective missions. He always assumes she’s safe when she comes home. He’d never thought of the possibility of her dying on his watch.

He wished he could have been with her body longer, but as soon as he saw the flash of red and blue lights he had to wipe his tears and place her body on the stretcher and watch as the medics pulled the sheet over her. Once the door to his quarters hissed shut he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He sat at the edge of the bed, and unclipped [names] lightsaber from his belt. He ran his flesh hand along the customized hilt and ignited the saber of his lover. He could almost picture her beautiful face behind the [color] glow, a smirk on her lips before she jumped into battle. His eyes filled with tears as he un-ignited it and the color vanished.

It felt like when his mother died all over again. Again, he failed to protect someone. Again, someone he loved died in his arms. The only difference was there was no one he could get revenge on for the needless death. The assassin had retreated like a coward after firing the blaster. Anakin’s not even sure if the assassin killed her instantly. Perhaps it had been the fall that took her life.

Anakin’s heart ached when sleeping alone that night. He had been looking forward to feeling the warmth of [name] beside him since he had first been sent to Krios. Now he’ll never feel [name] again. If he had just got to the assassin in time she’d still be here!

Anakin’s eyes burned with tears of fury. He had no idea who the shooter was but he would hunt the bastard down after [name]’s funeral. To hell with the Jedi Code- revenge was the only way Anakin could bring himself and Eria peace!

Anakin felt himself slipping, but he had no motivation to crawl back toward the light when [name] wasn’t there waiting for him.

Eria thought she had severed her connection to Anakin, but when she finally woke up she felt the overwhelming grief and anger of her husband. It was so strong for a moment she confused it as her own. Those emotions were quickly replaced by the ache in her chest and the pain of her defiantly broken arm.

Her tears were gulped down as the medical droid healed her wounds. The droid asked if she was experiencing emotional pain, and she had to lie and say it was just her arm. All she could think about was when she fell. She heard Anakin’s scream and felt his tears on her as she played dead in his arms. It took every part of her being to not open her eyes and apologize for what she had done.

The door to my medical room hissed open, and I glanced over to see Master Windu and Master Yoda in the white light.

“I hope my funeral went well,” I mutter as the door slides shut behind them.

I see Master Windu’s eyes narrow at me as I quickly cover my emotions and dry my tears. I had been specially chosen for this classified mission out of everyone else in the Jedi Order, and I wanted to act professionally with the Council member who picked me. Especially because Master Windu was known for his intense belief in the Code.

“A great performance, your corpse played,” Master Yoda says.

I well as funeral can go, I want to add, but am silence by the medical droid sticking a numbing substance into my arm. I looked at the deep bruise on my twisted arm and for a moment wondered if this would even work. I was sacrificing so much just to learn information that may not even be true. Will Anakin even forgive me once this is all over?

“Will go well, the plan will,” Yoda says, sensing my doubt.

“I fell from the top of a building- It better go well,” I huff in pain and remove the blasterproof vest that saved my life.

“Survived worse, you have,” Yoda comforts, and though I know the Jedi Elder is right, it doesn’t help much when my back has turned into one massive bruise.

“Young Skywalker knows this,” Windu says in a firm voice, arms crossed and eyes looking down at me. As if testing to see my reaction.

I breathed deeply and held strong. I wanted to beg for them to let him assist me in the mission or ask how he handled the funeral, but most of all, I wanted to beg to just see him. But it was vital to the integrity of the mission that no one knows- Especially Anakin, who would flare up in anger if he knew I would be walking into the role of a bounty hunter and disguising myself among them, armed with nothing but a blaster.

I know that Master Windu is testing me with his words. Though he picked me for this, I was quickly made aware of his doubts in me when he had to clarify Anakin to me in private not even Anakin may know.

“I took the vital suppressors, you instructed of me, Master. When Anakin moved my body… I was dead to him. It’s impossible that he knows I’m alive,” I assure both of them, though it was clear in my tone it weighed heavily on me to do so.

Yoda hummed in agreement, “Yes- but sense he will, that something is not right.”

I wanted to add that Anakin will have no contact with me as I understand how important it is he is left out of this, but a Jedi Healer enters the room and bows his head, interrupting the conversation. The healer comes to my side to mend my broken arm, and I nod to the Jedi Masters.

“Anakin’s reaction sold the sniper of my death. What has been done is done, and I will carry out the mission as has been asked of me,” I say to Windu with no hesitation and my head held high. He seems surprised for a moment but turns to leave.

“What’s done is done,” he repeats as the healer snaps my arm back into place.

The healer seems to also understand this meeting should remain in confidence. He bows, then leaves soon after I am healed. Finally alone, I begrudgingly accepted it was time to put on the masked disguise of the assassin I will be taking the place of.

I reach down to remove my lightsaber from my belt but feel nothing of the familiar grip I built myself. I look down to see its holster empty but find for the first time since my fall, I feel an absence of worry. I let a sad smile curve my lips as I realize who took it.

I know it’s safe with Anakin.

Notes: Part 2 coming soon! I'm sorry this is a little confusing if you've never watched the episode this is based on 😭

[animeyanderelover]

I was so excited that I stayed up for this.

May I request hcs of ryuken (I have a slight obession of this man.) with a judge darling who over works themself to the point of passing out. Like they go to work earlier and come home later than him. And they leave the hospital going against medical orders and say to the nurse " Tell doctor Ishida that I am leaving since I have a hearing in 2 hours, if he wants to see me he can see me at home. " Thank you

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, paranoia, controlling behavior

Judge darling who overworks themselves

◻️It truly is the definition of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Truly, if you wouldn't push yourself so much Ryuken could admire this all a bit more. After all he appreciates your hard work and your respectable job. After all both of you have jobs where you essentially hold control over someone else's life and Ryuken wants to admire that. But he just can't do that with the way you constantly go against the medical orders he places upon you. Your partner has a tendency to be a bit more controlling, especially since he is a doctor and the director of the hospital in this town. So of course he would react very sensitive when he finds out that you overwork yourself to the point where you skip sleep and faint due to exhaustion and a lack of proper nutritions. You can protest and claim to know the limits of your body all you want but you aren't the medic in this relationship. He is and so he knows best.

◻️This topic is sure to spark a lot of discussions and arguments between the two of you. You are extremely stubborn and refuse to listen to Ryuken whilst he just ends up belittling you for your attitude. You're acting like a little child in his eyes right now, one that doesn't know when to stop. He thought that you would know better than that but apparently he was wrong. Those arguments never end in a shouting match though because both of you think that you're above screaming at each other from the top of your lungs. Instead there are sharp glares thrown at each other, words dripping with sarcasm fired at each other and constant belittlements directed at each other. Ryuken would rather not spend so much time arguing and destroying the domestic bliss but you give him no choice. He won't back down and watch you ruin your health.

◻️He tries to approach this all logically for a while in hopes of reasoning with you. So he explains to you that if you were one day to seriously suffer from the constant days and nights of overworking yourself, you wouldn't be able to help all your clients and bring justice upon the court. Can't you see that your reckless behavior is also harming other people? If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your clients who need you in your best condition. Or do it for him, your husband who is very worried about your health. Even as he tells you this argument, he can't hide the sharp edge in his voice completely. He considers himself a patient man but even he is slowly losing his patience here because both of you have been quarreling like this for way too long now. And you still refuse to listen to the his advice. The advice of your husband and an actual doctor.

◻️Ryuken finally reaches a limit when he finds out that you constantly leave the hospital and go against medical orders despite having fainted prior to being brought there. He will absolutely not tolerate such neglectful behavior for one's own health. Fine. If you refuse to properly take care of yourself, he will have to take some measurements then. He starts meddling with your job as he talks to people you work with to bring them on his side and convince you to take a few steps back and relax from your constant work. He starts taking this matter more to the public and even if he dislikes sharing what is privately happening between you two normally, this is for your own good. He plans to make people aware of what you're doing and uses his influence as an actual doctor to strengthen their belief to trust his words that you need to slow down or else you might suffer serious consequences later on in your life.

◻️You hear words from your concerned colleagues soon after and storm angrily to Ryuken who calmly stands there and listens to your furious rant. He rebukes you for your accusations though as he explains to you that he only informed people about this because apparents his own words as your lover and doctor weren't enough. You really are too reckless for your own good but he won't allow anything to happen to you just because you are too stubborn to just sit down and rest for a while. You are worse than he is and that is already an achievement in itself. He additionally scolds you for leaving the hospital despite the medical orders for you to just spend a day or two there and rest. Are you even aware of the risks? Next time you will head the advice he gives you as your doctor.

◻️Ryuken is definitely persistent and you feel his influence in the people around you who try to encourage you to work less and take more breaks. This only adds gasoline to the flames and obviously you try to work even more as a protest. Only that you soon find out that Ryuken has stepped his own game up. He stays longer awake himself to catch you before you can leave for work again and when you scold him for getting too little sleep he quickly points out the sheer hypocrisy in your words as you have been doing the very same thing even longer than he has and even locks the door to the bedroom to prevent you from leaving. He uses the same strategy whenever you end up once again in the hospital as he makes sure to lock the door that would allow you to leave the room and tries to take as much time to stay with you in the same room to ensure that you take proper rest. As soon as you start an argument with him, you just receive this cold glare from him. You got yourself in this situation. If you would have just listened to him, none of this would have to happen. But he'll keep on playing this game you try to play until you learn your lesson.

[the-other-art-blog]

Benophie wish list: Side plots

There's no way around it, Bridgerton has left only 15-18% of the total screen time to the main couple according to these graphs from tw. Individual screen time for the main characters changes, but this is an ensemble. Side plots took almost 50% of the total s3 screen time.

So, we're going to have side plots whether we want them or not, and frankly, they're necessary. Side plots ensure that the audience comes back season after season. I, for example, wouldn't have come back just for Kanthony or Polin if Benedict weren't in the mix.

Eloise (set up for s5)

I bet we will know what Eloise learned about the world during her visit to Scotland. Plus, I'm pretty sure Sophie will be her maid, which will open her eyes to a new social class: servants. Sophie will open her eyes to different views on marriage. For her, marriage is freedom. If El is s5, she needs to understand that marriage is a wonderful and exciting thing if you're with the right person (aka Philip Crane).

Sophie's witty personality and sass are perfect to counter Eloise. I think both women will enjoy the challenge and thrive because of it.

Frannie, John and Michaela

I think they will show the infertility storyline now so that by the time John dies there will be a son or Michaela will be able to inherit the title. I also hope they show Michaela being the biggest flirt and rake. What if she meets Ben at one of the parties! I'll talk more about Fran and Ben later.

The Battle of the Maids

Probably one of the funniest side plots for the matriarchs + more scenes about servants. In the book, Araminta steals maids and fights with confrontations with Portia and Violet about it. This would be a chance to bring back Polly Walker for a cameo + Lady D and maybe the Queen! It plays into the main story because that is how the Bridgertons have an opening for Sophie. Plus, the show has referenced a similar problem: in s2 Portia accuses Lady Cowper of stealing a maid, then in s3 when Lord Remington tells Pen that a Lady stole the host's housekeeper and that's why she didn't get invited to that ball.

Polin/LW

Jess already mentioned there's still a story to tell with Lady Whistledown. Now that Pen is no longer hiding, it would be interesting to see if the column retains its success. The allure to LW was her anonymity because she seemed impartial and therefore reliable. But if a Bridgerton is writing, how are people supposed to believe her? I wonder if this will play into Benophie. LW was very kind to Sophie, she never put in doubt Violet's story and always wrote good things about her. But, who is going to believe Pen's word when she tries to defend Sophie. Of course, she's going to do it, she's a Bridgerton. Moreover, her status as a wallflower allowed her to recollect information by hearing gossip or watching, but now that everyone knows who she is, they will be careful not to say anything near her. Or, they will try to manipulate her to spread false gossip.

Violet and Marcus

I think this will continue in Benophie season. I don't know if this will distract her from noticing that Ben is flirting with a maid or if it will make her ship Benophie even more. I plan to write a separate post on Violet and Ben's relationship. Her romance will make her want romance for her children even more and Ben already stated that Violet is obsessed with epic love stories.

The Queen

I don't know what they can do with her. The sparkler storyline was so stupid, but she was ok in part 2. I was hoping for the queen to be furious at Bridgerton because once again her match didn't work. But she seemed fine. Although, now that LW is out she's going to remember that the Bridgetrons always ignore her. Either she wants to meddle in Benedict's business or she completely ignores the family, which makes Violet nervous. Maybe they are falling out of grace with QC, and this makes Benophie story even more scandalous.

I know there's the theory that Sophie may be an illegitimate granddaughter of the queen. We'll see.

I do want QC to have something to do, even if it's just at the end of the season. I really want a scene between Benedict and QC, if only because Golda loves Luke T.

The Mondriches

Jess said that the show will continue to explore the friendship between Benedict and Will. So, maybe they help him realize how much Sophie means to him and that the sacrifice is worth it. I suppose they will continue hosting balls and being part of society.

Kanthony

I don't think they will have more than a cameo, tbh. Maybe they'll be there at the Masquerade and Benophie's wedding if there is a wedding. But Simone and Johny are too successful now, they won't have much time. I will also write more about Ben and Anthony in another post, but I hope we have a chance to revisit Sienna and show Anthony being concerned about his brother. I wrote a little scene in AO3 about it.

All of these side plots can be related to Benophie giving other characters their screen time while also focusing on the main couple.

Who shouldn't come back:

The Featherington sisters

They're done, they did well this season, and they had their redemption arc.

But there's no space for them! These are 8 sideplots!

Cressida

I used to like the theory where the Cowpers were Sophie's family but after s3, I want her out for good. Instead of showing remorse for her bullying, she indulged in self-pity for 8 episodes. And the worst part is that people bought it. At least book!Cressida was a bitch and she owned it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about it!

[ghostofskywalker]

Congrats on the followers!!!!! I love your work! No pressure to write anything. I'd love to make a request to participate in your celebration but I honestly can't think of one right now.

Surprise me! Only if you feel up to it and have time. <3 thanks for all the sweet and amazing content you put out!!!

Congrats again <3

you are so lovely, thank you so much!! here is a little bit of echo fluff for you :)

words: 1,427

summary: It's clear that you and echo have feelings for each other, but it takes the meddling of the bad batch's sniper for you to actually do something about it.

clone troopers masterlist || join my 3k celebration!!

Daydreams and Jealousy

Three suns gleamed high in the sky as the Bad Batch took a much needed vacation day from the rest of the galaxy. There was a priceless treasure for one of Cid’s clients hidden away in the hull of the Marauder, but the whole operation had taken less than a rotation when they had been given four, so it seemed that a pit stop was in order. 

Crosshair took in the sights of the unfamiliar planet as he stepped off the ramp. Previously he had been content to stay in his bunk all day while the others did whatever they wanted, but the stale smell of the ship had become too much (one would think they would clean more with Omega on board, but it never turned out that way). 

Wrecker was currently playing with a small group of  loth-cats, laughing loudly as the animals ran circles around him. Tech was watching the scene unfold with great interest, occasionally tossing out facts about the life cycles and mating practices of the felines, even though Wrecker wasn’t really listening.

You and Omega were curled up together under a tree, snoozing quietly. Omega’s head had fallen onto your chest and your arms were around her, both of you breathing steadily as you napped. There was a datapad sitting on the ground next to where your hand had come to rest, so Crosshair guessed that you had been reading to the young girl before the two of you had fallen asleep. The hard bark of the tree didn’t look too comfortable in his opinion, but for the last few weeks it felt like everyone had been running non stop, so he understood the tendency to fall asleep anywhere. 

He walked over to Hunter and sat down next to him. It hadn’t been that long since he had left with his brothers instead of returning to the Empire, and while he didn’t feel as though they resented him for the choices he made while under the influence of the inhibitor chip, his relationship with Hunter was the slowest to repair. However, just the other day, Hunter had teased Crosshair over something silly, and the sniper hoped that it meant things were truly looking up. “You finally left the cave to get some fresh air, huh?” 

“Yeah, I figured I’d come join the fun out here.” 

“That’s good, or I would have sent Omega in there to come get you.” 

Crosshair smiled. “I don’t think she would have done that.” 

“I don’t know, even though Tech says I’m her favorite, I think she likes all of us equally,” Hunter said. “Even you.” 

“I’m surprised you’re not a little jealous right now,” Crosshair said. 

His brother looked confused. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, you’re not the one cuddling with her, are you?” Crosshair responded, nodding over to where you and Omega were still fast asleep. “She may have a new favorite after today.” 

Hunter playfully rolled his eyes before responding. “If you’re looking for jealousy, maybe you should talk to Echo. I think he’s feeling a little envious of Omega right now.”

Both men turned their gaze over to Echo, who was sitting out of earshot of their conversation. He was attempting to read something on his datapad, but his gaze kept flickering over to where you were asleep against the tree. Crosshair turned to Hunter. “He really is lovesick, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Hunter said. “And it’s a little embarrassing because she’s also in love with him, he’s just too blind to see it.” 

Crosshair just nodded, his mind mulling over the details and wondering how easy it would be to get you and Echo to confess to each other. He needed some entertainment on this damn ship anyway. 

***

A few weeks later, you found yourself tossing and turning in your bunk. Why was it so kriffing cold in here all of a sudden? You knew hyperspace travel wasn’t exactly like vacationing on Scarif, but the ship was supposed to be equipped with a heating system to combat that. 

You sighed as you realized it was probably the heating system that went offline or malfunctioned, and you would be stuck like this until the next morning, when Tech could take a look at everything. Jealous of everyone else (for being able to stay asleep through all this), you tossed and turned a little more, and you were so lost in thought that you almost didn’t hear your name being softly called. 

Immediately terrified that you had accidentally woken someone up, you looked out to see Echo sitting up in his bunk, a single blanket wrapped around him. “Did I wake you?” you asked softly.

He shook his head. “No, I just saw that you were awake and wanted to know if you knew what was wrong.”

“My guess is that it’s something with the heating system,” you asked. “But that means we’ll be stuck freezing until Tech can take a look at it.” 

“I thought we had some extra blankets lying around here,” Echo said as he got off his bunk and looked around. With the way the rest of the batch was asleep and he couldn’t turn on the light, it didn’t look like a very fruitful search. “Wait! I found one!” 

A smile spread across your face when Echo brought the prize into view, but soon you were faced with a new predicament. “Which one of us gets the blanket?” you asked. 

“I’ll see if I can find another one,” Echo said, but after a few more minutes of rifling through the various storage areas of the ship, he came up with nothing. 

“You found the blanket, you keep it,” you said, not wanting him to feel like he had to give up the blanket for you. “I’ll be fine for the night.”  

“No, I couldn't do that,” he said. “You should take the blanket.” 

“No, that’s not fair.” 

“I couldn’t let you freeze to death.” 

Taking a deep breath, you offered up another solution. “What if we shared it?” When he stared at you like a startled tooka, you elaborated. “We can share my bunk for the night. Between the one blanket we each have and the extra you found, it should be enough to keep us warm.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” Echo asked. “My prosthetics can’t exactly be the most comfortable things to sleep next to.” 

“Echo, it’s fine,” you said. “Cuddling up to you will always be better than freezing all night.” You almost wished you could take those words back as you said them, not because you didn’t think they were true, but because you weren’t sure if he had planned on snuggling up together and you didn’t want to scare him off. 

But thankfully, your statement was well received by him, and he nodded. Once the blankets were stacked up on your bunk, Echo slipped into bed beside you, and you couldn’t help but smile. He still ran warmer than you did, and the feeling of that warmth, plus the blankets you had on top of you far outweighed any chill you received from touching his prosthetics. 

Instinctively, you found yourself curling up against him, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Is this okay?” you asked quietly. “I don’t want-”

“Mesh’la,” Echo cut you off. “It’s more than okay.” 

You just nodded, already feeling your eyes grow heavier. The feeling of falling asleep next to him was one that you had only ever dreamed of, and now you were getting to experience it (if only because the heating was broken). “What does that mean?” you asked sleepily. 

“Mesh’la?” Echo asked, and you nodded. “It means beautiful.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” 

“Of course,” he responded. “And I’ve been trying to pull together the courage to make a move on you, I guess it was the heating system that finally got me to do something.” 

“I think you’re amazing,” you said. “And I’d really like this sleeping arrangement to continue even after the heating is fixed.” 

Echo laughed as he leaned down to place a kiss on your head. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I want to stay like this too.”

The two of you fell asleep not long after, curled in each other’s arms. 

And the next morning, when Crosshair returned from the cockpit and went to catch some sleep, he just smiled when he saw you and Echo all cuddled up together. Hunter now owed him some credits, and hopefully Tech doesn’t realize that it was him that was tampering with the ship’s heating system.

- the end - 

i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!

[davekat-sucks]

Since we’re talking Kanaya, the fandom forgets how much she was Jade’s counterpart to the Sgrub session. Her house literally was built to look like a moon tower of prospit/derse, like Jade. She takes gardening, like Jade, and she lives right next to a frog temple, like Jade! She does diverge from Jade taking an interest in hunting the undead and rainbowdrinker romance novels, which the fandom seems to forget because much of Kanaya’s story gets tied to romance! She was the last landdwelling troll introduced in Act 5 Act 1 and she starts of as the “meddling fussyfangs” as described by Vriska!

Her character introduction is losing her flushed interest with Vriska but still pining for her so she vacillates Eridan and Vriska’s kismesitude after Vriska mind-controlled Tavros to kiss her and Eridan broke his moirailigence with Feferi. Her only interaction in Act 4 is talking with Rose (and mistakenly one time with John who was on Rose’s computer) and that settled the dust, Kanaya bounces from one romance to another until she landed on Rose, and she had enough superficial traits and prose to her serious-straightforward-clear-intentions attitude that was flanderized in the progressing acts.

Fans still forget Kanaya’s “impromptutations” quip she gave to Karkat, in fact people forget how much Karkat worked out her love issues at the end of Act 5 Act 1 and some of Act 5 Act 2.

I don’t ship Karkat/Kanaya as flushed, but there is appeal to the dynamic since Karkat is the one person who, despite being all shouty, doesn’t ask of anything from Kanaya, and listens to her issues. It also correlates that Karkat’s refusal to engage with Rose’s troubling behavior and alcoholism that damages her flushed pairing with Kanaya and Terezi’s pitch romp with Gamzee after (possibly) dating Dave for a short period of time. It goes to show even after Karkat’s shipping concerns and fear of inter-species connections was overblown, he is a crux to hold the meteor together.

Back to Karkat’s shipping, we know he drew Jade with Dave and Rose with John, but didn’t account Rose being into women. As it turned out Rise may have had a subconscious Freudian bullshit crush on Jade, since Rose hooks up with Sgrub’s version of Jade Harley, and when Jade needs to surrogate a child. In secret. With a married woman… Rose doesn’t seem to refuse. Maybe, just maybe it’s because Rose does still want that smart, cheery, independent girl she knew all those years.

To summarize, if Kanaya is to be a good character with depth and realism, keep her close to Karkat. If you want Rose to stay monogamous (in the specific way she isn’t seeing a secret lover) keep her FAR AWAY FROM JADE HARLEY and if you want Rosemary to work as a ship, KEEP KARKAT AS CLOSE TO KANAYA AT ALL TIMES.

Don't forget that John had to remind Karkat about them being made in ectobiology and that incest was a taboo in human standards, much to Karkat's annoyance since incest is fine on Alternia. He had considered shipping DaveRose and JohnJade. Karkat and Kanaya are also close also parallels to The Dolorosa and The Signless relationship. The Dolorosa raised The Signless/Sufferer, but sadly had to watch him be executed and be sold off as a slave. Only to die later by Dualscar's jealousy. Karkat being able to save Kanaya from grief and pain would give a good closure for their ancestry.

[hlficlibrary]

✤ Crime Fics ✤

A series of posts with the top five fics of each category by kudos plus five more hidden gems from that category! Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find our other recs here.

- Top 5 H/L Fics -

1️⃣ my heart, in deadly rhythm by orphan_account (M, 42k)

There exists somewhere a very, very small list containing the names of people who don’t want Louis Tomlinson dead. Harry Styles may or may not be one of those people.

(or a Spies!AU in which Liam is the Wade to Louis' Kim Possible, Zayn seduces people for intel, Niall is an expert at blowing things up, and Harry is more than a bit famous in his particular field... or infamous, actually. And Louis? Well, Louis just wishes people would quit trying so bloody hard to kill him all the time.)

2️⃣ A Rose, By Any Other Name by iwillpaintasongforlou / @canonlarry (E, 10k)

“I don’t understand, Mr. Tomlinson,” Harry says quietly.

“You don’t have to understand, sweetheart.” Louis reaches over and runs his thumb across Harry’s cheekbone, watching the boy’s breathing pause as he dares not move beneath the touch of this strange, imposing man. “All you need to know is that you work for me now, and that I’m going to keep you safe from all the bad people in this city, you hear?”

Louis Tomlinson is the head of New York City's mafia, and Harry is the beautiful boy from Texas who falls in with the wrong crowd (which turns out to be the right crowd).

3️⃣ Little Cub by aace1234 (NR, 68k)

Harry is head of the underground, he's ruthless, possessive, feared and powerful.

Louis is a student, his dad works for Harry but Louis has no idea about the underground world.

What happens when Louis Dad causes trouble and Harry kidnaps Louis for revenge.

4️⃣ we've got the world in our hands by sarcasticfluentry (E, 54k)

A mutants/superpowers AU. Louis and his friends attend the Cowell Institute for General Education and Mutant Training in London; when Louis meets Harry, the newest student at the Cowell Institute, he immediately recruits Harry to help play matchmaker for his friend Zayn. Harry and Louis are so caught up in meddling in Zayn's love life, though, that they don't notice that their own friendship is progressing into something more. Meanwhile, an ominous threat up north grows slowly until suddenly, no mutant - or human - is safe.

5️⃣ Watch Him As He Goes by LoadedGunn (M, 14k)

It's why Harry loves assignments with Louis; they're thrilling in a way. It's like he never rests. He's this animated, gorgeous guy who's all over the place and Harry actually has to work hard just to catch up to him.

It kind of reminds him of trying to stalk a predator stalking its prey, with his old 70-300 mm lens. Only the predator is a cheeky arsehole. "Come along Harold, I know you usually wait for your zebras to pose for you but here you've got to think on your feet," Louis yelled one time, before disappearing to interview Detective Payne. Never mind the fact Harry was slow in the first place because of Louis' tight jeans.

Or, the AU where Louis' the best police reporter in the country, Harry's the new photographer who is more used to penguins than human subjects, and also there are superheroes.

HIDDEN GEMS:

💎 this charade (was never going to last) by @scrunchyharry (E, 68k)

On the surface, CitizenX, an international caritative nonprofit, looked like any other nonprofit, funding humanitarian missions worldwide and striving to make the world a better place, one donation at a time.

At least, that was what Harry thought, until he was hired as a computer specialist for a spinoff agency called carish, whose true purpose was to reveal CitizenX’s tangled web of lies.

As if the whole ‘industrial spy’ business was not stressful enough, Harry found himself in a hatred-at-first-sight relationship with one of his new coworkers, Louis, a man intent on detesting Harry.

When the worst happened and Harry and Louis found themselves thrown together in hiding, with only each other to rely on, Harry never could have predicted the turn their relationship would take.

Nor could he anticipate that it would all be taken away from him and he would have to decide how far he was willing to go to get Louis back.

💎 All My Roads Lead to You by @dandelionfairies (M, 41k)

Harry’s stuck in a life he didn’t choose after leaving home at eighteen. Bartending and running drugs were never on his list. Louis is an undercover cop sent in to figure out exactly what’s going on inside of the bar. Neither could have known they’d be drawn to each other.

It’s obvious to Louis that Harry isn’t aware of everything that happens in the backroom. It’s obvious that Nick [Grimshaw] has used Harry’s vulnerability, insecurities, and naivety to keep the man exactly where he wants him.

Harry has never admitted to anyone who he is. They wouldn’t accept him. In fact, he has no doubt that if anyone found out he’s gay, he’d be dead. He doesn’t want to let that wall down for Louis. Because no one can know. But that’s easier said than done. Louis is everything Harry could have ever pictured.

💎 Cowboy Like Me by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings (M, 29k)

Going legit and starting over in a small town was supposed to solve all of Harry’s problems. That was until a string of robberies in wealthy towns brings him face-to-face with his rouge ex-partner and their dicey, unresolved past.

💎 Tonight's the Night by @jaerie (E, 24k)

Tonight’s the night. The night Harry has been waiting for. Everything has been carefully planned, nothing left to chance, the scene set and waiting for their arrival. It’s time.

Harry lives a double life. During the day he's Harry- trusty blood spatter analyst, at night his darkness comes out to play. So far he's been able to act his way through a normal life without drawing attention. What happens when that is no longer the case?

Or a Dexter AU where Harry is Dexter, Liam is Doakes, Niall is Masuka and Gemma is Deb.

💎 Harry, That Kills People by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup (T, 2k)

If there’s one thing that Harry hates, it’s getting his clothes dirty.

If there’s one other thing that Harry hates, it’s murder.

Unfortunately, right here and right now, Harry’s clothes are dirty, and he’s murdered someone. So. It’s not a great day.

“Ugh,” says Harry. “Yeargh. Bleh.”

[slaaverin]

I might be naive but how on earth can tarot predict someone’s sexuality?

Because there is no way on Gods green earth that Jimin and Jungkook are not in some way queer, they have both literally pointed to this time over. The way they are with each other, no way there isn’t something there I’m sorry, but no.

Previous anon seems to be clutching at straws

Your view is so balanced and real.

Also love your videos !!

Hey anon,

Thank you so much for your ask!

There are many layers to this question and I have several thoughts.

Usually with tarot cards, you ask a question and draw one (or several) cards that brings you the answer. Then it is up to the reader to interpret those cards based on their knowledge or intuition.

That's usually what would happen when you do tarot for yourself, or someone you know.

When you do it for someone you know, usually you have the person's consent to read their energy, they are a willing participant.

Usually you wouldn't draw cards for people you don't know, without their consent. I mean you can, if someone asks about their relationship with someone, you would also read the other person from that relationship, even if they are not aware.

You can get - some energy - I guess from any situation. I'll come back to that.

This is my point of view only, but even asking "what is their sexuality" already proves the reader is absolutely shady.

Because there are ethics you need to have as a spiritualist, as a reader, and this is plain invasion of privacy.

A spiritualist would never invade someone's personal energy without any consent, or at least would try to the maximum to have the consent of the person involved.

When you cannot have the consent, the energy you would read is the energy only the person's soul, higher self, would allow you to see.

So there are two things. First asking such personal question is a sign the reader as no ethic as a spiritualist, so prying into personal stuff like this (Even if this is BTS and all, they are celebrities), is a lack of savoir de vivre.

They will mostly get karma for doing such things.

Secondly, since the members of BTS did not consent, the energy people will read will be only what their soul want to show. So it can be veiled, even false if they don't want to reveal it.

Their soul would see the question being asked -> is it a selfish invading personal self-serving question? Or does it have a higher purpose? I guess if it passes "the vibe check" the reader will be able to answer their question.

If the question is not good the answer could practically be anything, even completely wrong, simply because the members don't want people to meddle into their personal stuff! It's as simple as that.

That's why I was saying to watch or read readings only from people you trust, what I mean is that you trust their character, their ethics as readers, their values&morals.

If a reader say that him and him are in a relationship, this is the wrong reader! If they imply anyone's sexuality, this is the wrong reader!

Would you like people reading cards about you and revealing things about your personal life to the world? No! This is the same for the members of BTS.

They may be not conscious of it, but their soul/higher self is aware of everything, and they simply won't give personal information so easily.

Ahhh that would be too simple otherwise, everyone would indulge into the most lowest of themselves with toxic curiosity, learn everything and go home.

This is not how it works.

With the work they are doing these boys have all sorts of protection.

They are doing a huge thing on earth, and there are simply so many etherical influences around them. Their higher self is extremely powerful and would absolutely know that karen who's been doing tarot for 5 minutes asked a terrible question and their energy would simply tell this person to go fuck themselves. So any card would come out but it will be as ridiculous as the question they asked.

They might reveal some personal things to a reader *who's not a jerk* but they would know this person WOULD NOT REVEAL ANYTHING. Otherwise they would not share.

That's why all these readings are bullshit.

I hope I am somewhat clear in my explanation?

I hope it might get people to think on the people they listen to or go to for readings about BTS.

Ohh and thank you so much for loving my videos 🥰💜

Take care 🫂

[patchesofuniverse]

I found this in my drafts - I wrote it after I finished Leverage: Redemption S1 and then most of the original series. Posting it now with the caveat that I never got around to watching the rest of Leverage: Redemption so I do not know what happened from there.

----------

It still amazes me that people who've lived through

- Sherlock, where the creators outright deny that their two male leads could ever get together, while throwing out constant M/M fanservice.

- FIFTEEN seasons of Supernatural, where women can't survive for very long because they'd threaten the fan-preferred M/M pairings, and one of the actors for the pairing straight up denies that his character could even be gay, shot down questions about it, and finally just "didn't want to put him in a box" following an outcry near the very end of the series.

- She-who-shall-not-be-named, who never so much as hinted that any character might not be straight, but then declared one gay when the series was basically done.

- and however many more queerbaiting shows

can look at Leverage and think the creators are trying to pull one over on us.

- "That means I would be thinking about you and Parker, which I never do!" in the least convincing tone, after lamenting the suave thief Parker is out with that night.

- Watching them kiss and nodding

- "'til my dying day" and "but you never, never need anything" "Yeah, I did" looks over at Parker and Hardison for a moment before looking back "And thanks to you, I don’t have to search anymore."

- Confirmation from the creator that the OT3 is canon.

- "Even numbers only baby" and "Age of the geek, babe"

- The hints in the show (Hardison being aware of how Eliot wakes up, "we built vents in the house", etc) and then confirmation that the three of them live together.

- The necklaces

- Hardison talks to Eliot AND Parker before making the decision to step away from the team. Parker's scene is more dramatic, sure - but Hardison checks in with Eliot too, and Eliot confirms his support before Parker drags Hardison off for their chat.

They haven't given us a kiss or the exact words, sure. Polyamory still isn't widely accepted in the US - it's very possible that they can't give us a big flashy display on screen because of executive meddling, or just that they have to consider ratings.

But what they've given us is in line with the characters they've created. They also never make it into a joke, aside from Hardison's "We're together" bit in The 12 Steps Job (which was season one). They don't make flashy fanservice out of scenes with Hardison and Eliot together, or with the three of them.

The Leverage PTB haven't queerbaited us with the OT3. They queercoded them. And then confirmed that they intended the things we saw on screen.

Part of me wonders if the idea that the OT3 are queerbait is the fact that Eliot's relationship with Hardison and Parker is more subdued than their relationship with each other. I think there may be folks who want to see them as a perfect, exclusive triangle where they all share the exact same relationship style. But that's not how polyamorous relationships have to work - and indeed, it's not how most of them work. Parker and Eliot have always had a different kind of relationship than Parker and Hardison. It's not unreasonable to think that, even in a committed romantic threesome, the three sides of the triangle would represent different types of relationships.

[solavelyan]

i will

compile some thoughts. though tbh i'm not in a place to be terribly critical of this game right now, and may never be just because of the environment in which i played it. i'm also just... losing my stomach for Discourse and drama, so i'm concentrating on the positives

uh. maybe a list. full ending spoilers, tho, beware

I like how they handled Solas and his level of involvement. I wish we'd gotten more conversations with him, but considering his meddling with Rook's brain to keep them seeing Varric, I'm lowkey counting Varric conversations as "talking to Solas" or "Solas is directly involved". Having him there physically at the end was mega fucking cool

I've seen here and there that in The Missing, Varric is super cynical about Solas and it's a switch to have him insist on trying to speak to him in Veilguard. But I didn't read The Missing, and tbh Varric being the eternal forgiveness machine speaks more true to his character to me. Then again, I also generally think that if Anders is alive, Varric is prickly and bitter but also not about to let you, dear Inquisitor, know where he is or that they still talk

I wish we'd gotten a little more context of Rook and Varric's relationship, though. We know they've been working together for about a year, are clearly good friends, and Rook is so devastated by his death that The Everything happens. But in a game that is extremely blunt at all times, it did feel like it was missing a more explicit reference to "Rook" being Varric's nickname for them that stuck (which I'm pretty sure is supposed to be the case).

In general I feel like Veilguard isn't very accessible to people who haven't played Inquisition, at minimum. I honestly wish it had been marketed as a direct sequel to Inquisition rather than just The Fourth Installment, because I think that would've been more honest

Actually, speaking of marketing, Bioware's marketing can blow me because why was SO MUCH of the final sequence in the TRAILERS? The coolest parts of the game didn't get to be a surprise if you watched a TRAILER, and that's fucked up. Still extremely cool when you get there, but like, come on...

I have. So many feelings about Rook

(these feelings are positive)

Veilguard is Dragon Age by way of Mass Effect. The combat is very ME3/Andromeda, and the story structure is basically lifted directly from ME2 (positive). I LOVED Andromeda's combat, and Mass Effect 2 has a very tight and effective narrative scaffolding that served Veilguard well. It feels like Veilguard has ME2's bones, DA2's heart, and Inquisition's grandeur, and it adds up to a really good, character-driven narrative with some really wild boss battles

I like Rook a bunch. While I understand the complaints wrt roleplaying them, in that there's just less flexibility to do so, I generally prefer my custom protags to have the kind of "structure" that PCs like Shepard, Hawke, The Dark Urge, etc. have in them. It helps my immersion and gets me invested, and having bits and pieces of canon backstory to hang my details on is very satisfying for me

You can absolutely tell that Weekes worked on Mass Effect

Also I can't help but feel sometimes that Varric's bond with Rook is because Rook reminds him of Hawke, especially with "Rook" also being a bird name (a sneaky thing Varric would absolutely do and is fully my headcanon now)

Just. Augh. Rook! I loved my Rook! Francesca Ingellvar was a wonderful protagonist to spend so much time with, and I want so badly to play all of the factions because I got so much great Mourn Watch-specific content.

My Lavellan came out perfect. RIP to everyone else on this one, but as my playthrough was plagued with bugs, I feel like karmically I get to brag that Eala was perfection, and I felt like all of her dialogue was "in character". I was full "let these two be together" apologia in regards to Solas and Eala, and the ending I got because of it is, to me, the very best one

There were parts of things that definitely made me question the way they did previous worldstate stuff, just things where I felt like it would have been more naturalistic if we'd gotten to pick more stuff, and the choice not to consider who drank from the Well of Sorrows and do something cool with an Inquisitor who did it is baffling. I will be writing fanfic about it, I'm sure. Still, it's not really any kind of sticking point or dealbreaker for me, just something that makes me roll my eyes and go "...ok" whenever there's an awkward spot

I got a party member killed and I'm not sure if that happens to everyone?? But it was so satisfying and so good and I can't imagine the narrative complete without at least one death, even if it makes me sad that it's there

More obsessed with Solas now than ever my god what a cool character. I've watching the other endings, because I convinced him to voluntarily bind himself to the Veil (and he let Eala stay with him this time), and I fucking love them. I love that he accepts defeat if you trick him and that he has a full villainous breakdown if you brute force it. It's so in-character.

I hope there's a lot of bad ending Rook/Solas where they're trapped in the Fade together

(although honestly it might take me a while to play any of the other endings, trapping Solas in his own prison is just a little too heartbreaking for me right now. not that he doesn't deserve it and you know i love a good tragedy, I just don't have the stomach for that level of sadness right now)

I did Emmrich's romance with a Mourn Watch Rook and i recommend it, 10/10 it's like being god's favorite

I loved EVERYONE. They're all so good I honestly can't pick a favorite companion at this point if I tried. The effort and care put into fleshing them all out and actually building relationships with each other was great. I ended up getting Taash/Harding and Neve/Lucanis together (I CALLED NEVE/LUCANIS DURING PROMO I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT), and when I started Act 3, Harding died and Neve got kidnapped. GOD what a twist of the knife. So fucking good. I need to do a run where Bellara is kidnapped because I need to know what unique touches she gets when she's Blighted at the end

It really feels like this game was made for me, specifically, and I'm very glad I got to play it

[bengiyo]

Me, My Husband & My Husband's Boyfriend Eps 1 -5 Stray Thoughts

This is an unusual release schedule, giving us five episodes now and five more later. Still, I'm curious what TV Tokyo does with this, since they also gave me What Did You Eat Yesterday?

Episode 1

Man, Japan just really knows how to start a show. You can feel the strained optimism of this poor woman in just 30 seconds.

This has barely started and I feel claustrophobic. Misaki's friends have no idea how unhappy she is, and what is this incredibly pained look she shared only with Maki?

Oh, they may have been in lesbians with each other. This is already fraught queer angst.

Ah, it feels like it might have been just Maki.

You know someone is up to something when they fake sleep when their partner comes into the room.

That's right, girl. Blog your problems.

I tell you, I hoped I would avoid teen pregnancy when I was a teacher. I was wrong.

Poor Masaki. She and Yuki are just not in alignment when it comes to intimacy. Now she only has one day a year to look forward to for marital sex??

Nice use of Dutch angles when Masaki sees the kiss.

Episode 2

My goodness, this was an intense opening scene in how Misaki immediately starts to try to suppress everything and bargain her way into an explanation that doesn't spell the end of her marriage. Yuki doesn't lie, but he's already hurt her deeply.

I hope that's not the product placement we're throwing away.

I'm so sad about this nice dinner going to waste.

I agree with Misaki that what happens next with their relationship should be her choice, considering he's been making lots of choices without her for a while.

The coworker seems kind. She can tell that Misaki is masking.

Yo this old dude shoulder checked the fuck out of her.

I was not expecting to see Honda Kyoya again so soon after Jack o' Frost, but I'm not going to complain. However, if Shyuuhei is an artist like Ritsu was, this offers up a fascinating lens into a potentially alternative story.

It is correct of Misaki to put distance between a student who expresses romantic interest in her.

This is a lot. I feel for Misaki. Not only does she need to reckon with the fact that her husband is gay and seeing someone else. She also has to contend with it being her former student who still wants to be with her, who knows that he's been hooking up with her husband.

The transitional shot after Misaki's hyperventilating looks like it might be in the same spot as the intro for Midnight Diner.

Through sheer confidence and will alone, Shyuuhei is going to get both of them.

Misaki leaving to probably go to Maki is valid, though I feel bad for Maki, too.

Episode 3

I already like Daichi and the house dynamic Maki and he share.

I was kinda excited about what changing homes might do for Misaki, but I appreciate her wanting to clear things with Yuki first.

I wonder if Yuki might be aro-ace spectrum. Seems like he wasn't aware of his potential attraction to men before he married Misaki?

Honda Kyoya is honestly so pretty.

Look at this, TV Tokyo has me watching a man and woman kiss and such in BL when I got none of this in What Did You Eat Yesterday? They're even open mouth kissing when the men haven't done so! I'm salty!

And here I was hoping that it really was just a pregnancy scare. Now Satou hasn't been coming to school.

I'm gonna need Masaki to go out with this veteran teacher.

What is the truth with Satou!

Shyuuhei is with Satou, too? And he went in her raw? She said he was only a year older, so is he 19? GODDAMN

Someone is always spying and taking goddamn pictures! You just gonna anonymously meddle? Own your actions!

Episode 4

Trigger warnings: Discussion and prevention of suicide in this episode.

This is so messy. Shyuuhei has such a hold over Yuki, who doesn't desire his wife physically at all.

Daichi's family's apples are enormous.

What is she to do with all these apples?

Oh, Yuki, I really just can't with the continued lies. Something has to give.

Is the spy the other teacher who wanted to get a beer?

Well, Shyuuhei is way out of line, but he's not wrong about Misaki's marriage.

Ah, the spy was the other teacher, whose name is Misumi. At least she's confronting him with her qualms.

Interposing the conversation with Misumi and the interview with a woman talking about her gay husband's death makes the point loud and clear.

I think Honda Kyoya is well-cast here. He has an ethereal quality that I think works really well for Shyuuhei.

Wanting to disappear is a question I get on mental health surveys, and Shyuuhei seems way too comfortable talking about suicide.

Episode 5

Trigger warnings: Discussion and prevention of suicide in this episode.

I'm really glad we saw Honda Kyoya in Jack o' Frost first. I find myself wanting to dig into this performance just as much as I want to understand the character. Polyamory is hard; I don't think I'm built for it. I like how sympathetic they're making Shyuuhei feel through his earnestness, even if he's giving me red flags in so many other areas.

This scene of the first meet between Yuki and Shyuuhei is making me sad, because I don't think we've seen Yuki be this intent on Misaki.

Okay, taking them to a place to disconnect briefly is much better than where I thought this was going.

Misaki suggesting they all live together was an excellent scene. The way the camera pans through her dialogue from her being alone, to her and Yuki, to her and Shyuuhei, to finally all three of them works so beautifully. Then having her be nervous and struggling to crack an egg perfectly underscores her uncertainty.

I love Misaki. I'm glad we're letting her uncomfortable feelings come through clearly. This isn't the life she thought she was getting, but she's trying to make the best of a difficult situation.

Furukawa Yuki is so good. I remember again why Restart After Coming Back Home sticks with me as we see the range he's shown this episode.

I like the ground rules Misaki established. They don't realistically expect Shyuuhei to help with expenses now, but she wants to make sure he's contributing to the maintenance tasks and is at least working in his field.

Hotta Akane is also doing a great job. She completely performed the complex nervousness, relief, and bemusement she felt at seeing Yuki clearly relaxed in the house again for the first time in a while, and also the strange sense of attraction she felt at Shyuuhei expressing his feelings to her again.

Final Thoughts at the Midpoint

I think it was an excellent call to release this show in two batches. It's covering some complex emotional places that I don't think the audience would be able to take in stride each week for two months. Giving us the chance to go through this at our own pace and trying to connect with the characters feels like the right call.

I'm looking forward to the back half of this, and I find myself hoping that however they all end up, they all find what they need for their own sense of fulfillment.

[unattainablesillygoose]

♡ I Can’t Imagine A Moment To Be Without You

Harry x Hermione, only they developed a relationship in year 6 when Ron and Ginny started dating other people.

Chapter Summary: their friends realize just how oblivious the two are, and Harry comes to the conclusion that his friends were indeed right.

Part One: ♡ All Along It Was You ♡, Part Two: ♡ I’m Sorry For All Of The Times That I Ignored You ♡  

ps. idk when they learned that Ron’s middle name is ‘Bilius’, but for the sake of this chapter, let’s pretend it wasn’t before movie 6.

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

After about an hour of bickering between Seamus and Dean, which Neville tried in vain to stop and in which he watched in amusement, Ron had noticed that Harry had dozed off. He was surprised, considering how loud the other boys were being.

And while they may have been amusing in the beginning, Ron was quickly growing frustrated with Dean and Seamus’ constant arguing. He sighed as he got up from his spot on his bed, heading to the common room in hopes it’s somewhat calmer than his dorm is. 

As he sluggishly made his way down the stairs, he heard the familiar sound of his girlfriend and her best friend giggling together. Once he’d completely descended the stairs, he saw the two girls seated on the floor in front of the fireplace. 

They hadn’t noticed him yet, so he tried to make it less obvious that he was eavesdropping. 

“If Hermione told us to let her tell him herself in her own time, we shouldn’t meddle.” Parvati said, sounding guilty.

“We’re not meddling, we’re just gathering intel.” Lavender justified. 

“Asking her crush who he likes is considered meddling, Lav.” Parvati responded.

“We could ask Ron...” Lavender suggested slyly.

Ron decided he needed to know more, especially if Hermione has a crush that he and Harry don’t know about. 

“Ask me what?” He asked, approaching where the two girls sat and took a seat on the sofa.

Parvati looked nervous, almost like she didn’t want him there. He assumed it had something to do with Hermione not wanting anyone to know. Lavender, on the other hand, lit up. She always was one to grip every opportunity by the throat, he thought fondly.

“About Harry.” Lavender said, feigning an innocent smile.

Ron was confused now, he could’ve sworn they were talking about Hermione. “What about Harry?” He asked.

Parvati sighed, “She wants to know who Harry’s got a crush on.” She admitted begrudgingly.

“Why?” Ron asked suspiciously.

“No reason.” Lavender hummed.

“You’re not using me to get to Harry, are you?” Ron asked, only slightly teasing.

“No!” Lavender laughed, “I mean, Harry’s impressive. But I’m more into gingers.” She winked suggestively. Ron’s faced flushed cherry red.

“Okay, then why do you want to know about Harry?” He asked, clearing his throat and silently praying that Parvati didn’t see him blush.

She did, though, but aside from smirking she didn’t react.

Lavender went to respond, but cut herself off before saying anything, looking at Parvati with uncertainty. Parvati bit her lip as she thought about her silent question, and Lavender twiddled her fingers.

Ron looked between them with furrowed brows. “What?” 

“Um...” Parvati trailed off, obviously having reservations about saying anything at at all, “it’s just that, well, we have a friend who has a crush on him.” 

“And we wanted to see if she had a chance with him. So we could encourage her to ask him out or something.” Lavender said, adding on to Parvati’s sentence.

“Well, I’d say that depending on who you’re talking about, she doesn’t.” Ron answered slowly, trying to gauge their reactions to see if they were talking about Hermione without admitting who Harry likes.

Lavender pouted, “Is this girl that Harry likes a redhead, or does she have raven hair?” She asked disappointed.

Ron looked confused. “Neither, she’s a brunette.” He responded.

Lavender and Parvati perked up hopefully. “Are they close?” They asked simultaneously. 

“Harry and this brunette he likes.” Parvati elaborated a second later.

Ron glared suspiciously, but nodded nonetheless. He jumped when the two squealed excitedly.

“Who are you guys talking about?” He asked exasperated, although he already had a pretty good idea.

“Hermione!” Lavender whispered conspiratorially, an excited smile on her face. 

“I told you he liked her back!” Parvati exclaimed.

“That’s what I told Hermione!” Lavender practically squealed.

Ron looked between the two helplessly.

“Lav wants to set them up on a date.” Parvati told Ron, giggling.

Ron’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, no, no, don’t do that.”

The two girls looked at him confused.

Ron sighed. “Look, I’m not really one to talk, but Harry... he’s a bit confused.” He said slowly. 

“What do you mean?” Lavender asked.

“Well, before Seamus, Dean, Neville and I said something, he didn’t even realize he liked her like that. He said that he couldn’t lose his best friend if things didn’t work out. He told us that in his mind, she was off limits because they’re best friends. He didn’t think he was allowed to feel that way about her and still be her best friend because it felt like lying to her in a way, it almost felt like he’d be betraying her somehow.” Ron explained, trying the best he could to sum up their conversation.

“Awe! That’s so sweet!” Lavender swooned.

Parvati chuckled and rolled her eyes at the other girl.

“Hermione was kinda the same way. She said she’d never had a guy friend before Harry, or you of course!” Lavender said, quickly amending her last statement.e 

“It’s okay, Lav, we didn’t get along in first year.” Ron chuckled. It visibly relieved her to hear him say that, knowing she didn’t hurt his feelings.

“Anyway,” She continued bashfully, “she said that she never really had any friends before Harry, let alone any friends that were boys. She didn’t really realize the difference between romantic and platonic feelings.”

“So, then how did she recognize the difference between the two? She must’ve if you two wanted to know how Harry felt before setting them up.” He asked. 

“She asked me.” Lavender shrugged. “She asked how I could tell the difference.” she answered.

“So what’d you tell her?” Ron asked.

“I told her that if he’s the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed, he’s more than a friend. If he’s the first person you think of when you’re in a crisis, and he’s the one you go to for comfort, he’s more than a friend. When you find yourself doing his favorite things with him, even though you’d rather be doing anything else, but you do it anyway to spend more time with him than he’s almost certainly more than a friend. When you choose them; choose to stand by them through the good times and the bad, even when no one else does. When you believe in him when no one else would.” Lavender said.

Ron immediately thought of fourth year, when everyone thought Harry put his name in the Goblet Of Fire and called him a ‘stinking cheater’, Hermione was the only one who believed him. Ron still regrets that. He knew that Lavender probably didn’t mean to remind him of one of the worst fights he and Harry ever had, but unfortunately she had a point, nevertheless. 

Hermione was the first person to see him as just a person. He himself is guilty of feeling a little starstruck upon meeting Harry. But Hermione was the first person who knew him and accepted him as a person. She was the first person who wasn’t jealous or intimidated by his fame. She was the first person who believed him when he said Voldemort was back, without question. She didn’t need convincing, she didn’t need evidence, she took him at his word, as she always did. She stood by him and refused to believe he was a liar or a cheater or that he used his fame to get him what he wanted. She probably knows him better than anyone. 

He wanted to feel jealous, like he’s the third wheel, but it’s just always been that way. And regardless, they’ve still always been a trio. Hell, Lavender knows little things about himself that even Harry and Hermione don’t know, like his middle name. His parents obviously know everything about each other, things that he and his siblings definitely do not know, or want to for that matter. Maybe it was always supposed to be like that.

 “They’re obviously perfect together, so what’s wrong with setting them up together?” Parvati asked, pulling Ron from his thoughts.

“I don’t doubt that they are, but I know my best friends. This is just something they need to work out on their own.” Ron said. 

The two girls conceded, albeit reluctantly.

~

The following Monday, Ron and Lavender were actually earlier to breakfast than the usual early risers, Hermione and Harry. 

Lavender told Ron that she wouldn’t do anything too obvious to get the two together, but sitting next to Ron so that Hermione and Harry were forced to sit directly next to each other wasn’t obvious. At least she thought so.

But when Neville came to the table to sit with his usual group of friends, Lavender jumped at the chance to ensure that they sat together. 

“Neville!” She whispered harshly.

“What?” He asked, utterly confused. 

“Sit on the other side of Ron.” She said with a sense of urgency.

“Okay...” He said suspiciously. He looked at her curiously, but began to round the table anyway.

“Lav...” Ron started to say.

“Shh! I know. But this isn’t obvious.” She said defensively. Ron sighed.

“What’s this about?” Neville asked as he sat down next to Ron.

“She’s trying to get Hermione and Harry together.” Ron whispered.

Neville’s eyes widened. “Wait, does she like him back?” He asked.

Lavender nodded her head furiously, an excited smile adorning her face.

“But we’re not going to do anything. They’re going to figure it out on their own, naturally, without any interference.” Ron said suggestively.

Lavender pouted. “Fine.” She sighed.

Neville raised his eyebrows, but upon seeing the two in question enter the dining hall, he stayed quiet.

Once they noticed that Ron already had company on either side of him, Hermione and Harry sat across from Ron and Lavender, side by side.

Now knowing what they know, the three are surprised at how casual the two could be. While nothing really changed, Neville could sense a form of trepidation on their part. He suspects that if Lavender hadn’t asked him to occupy the seat beside Ron, the two probably wouldn’t have chosen to sit beside each other.

“You guys are up early.” Hermione said, mostly towards Ron.

“Eh, I went to bed early last night.” Ron responded. Which wasn’t entirely untrue, but the honest answer was that Lavender practically dragged him with her to the dining hall. 

“I don’t know why, but I woke up particularly exuberant this morning.” Lavender said to Hermione, who sat directly across from her, Harry directly across from Ron.

Neville found it sort of ironic.

“That’s great, Lavender.” Hermione responded sincerely.

“And I must say, you look brilliant today, Hermione.” Lavender complimented her. It was a sincere compliment, but Lavender secretly hoped it would make Harry notice Hermione.

Hermione beamed at the praise. “Thank you, Lavender. You look striking today yourself.” She responded with a radiant smile.

Lavender smiled vividly, lighting up at Hermione.

Harry looked over at Hermione, and smiled to himself at how happy she looked upon hearing the compliment. He personally thought it was a shame that she didn’t hear it as often.

Lavender saw his smile, and inwardly preened at her success.

A few minutes had gone by before Ginny walked into the dining hall with Dean, Seamus trailing close behind. Despite being with Dean, Ginny felt a pang in her chest upon seeing Harry and Hermione sitting next to each other, and particularly close too.

When the three walked up and sat down with the group, Hermione and Lavender deep in conversation about what Ginny gathered was their hair routines, and the boys talking about the upcoming quidditch match, Ginny decided to join the boys’ conversation.

“Hi, Ginny!” Hermione greeted her cheerfully. It only made Ginny feel guiltier about being angry at her for sitting next to Harry. Despite her inner turmoil, Ginny returned Hermione’s enthusiasm.

“Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout?” Seamus asked, his Irish lilt more prominent due to his drowsiness.

“We were asking Harry why he always makes quidditch practices the same time as Slughorn’s dinner parties.” Ron answered. 

“You tryin’ to avoid the ol’ git?” Seamus teased. 

“Seamus, don’t insult a teacher where they could hear you!” Hermione whispered loudly.

“Wait, you mean to imply that we could insult a teacher where they wouldn’t hear us?” Ron teased mirthfully.

“If it’s Slughorn, I couldn’t care less. I just don’t particularly want anyone in detention because of it.” Hermione huffed.

Harry snickered and shook his head, attempting not to choke on his orange juice.

“I like grumpy morning Hermione.” Seamus joked.

“Anyway, why do you, Harry?” Dean asked. 

“So that I don’t have to attend his ‘Slug Club’ parties.” Harry answered truthfully.

“So you take away our Friday evenings?” Ron exclaimed in faux indignance.

Hermione held back a laugh. 

“I think it’s a valid reason!” Harry laughed.

“It is. He’s really-” Neville said, cutting himself off with a heavy sigh. 

“I’d also avoid any event that had Cormac McLaggen in attendance.” Lavender said with a grimace.

“Ugh, don’t get me started on him.” Hermione groaned. 

“He literally uses any chance he gets to ogle Hermione shamelessly.” Harry said, rolling his eyes angrily.

Hermione nods, exaggerating a fake gag. She and Lavender laughed afterwards.

“He uses any excuse to do that to every girl he deems attractive. It would be embarrassing if not for all the girls he’s made uncomfortable.” Dean agreed.

“Yeah, he’s a menace.” Ron said nodding. 

“Right. And this has nothing to do with his unabashed flirting with your girlfriends.” Seamus teased.

“I’m not-” , “Hermione’s not-” Hermione and Harry tried to protest, but were drowned out by arguments from Dean, Ron, and Neville. Lavender noticed both of them were blushing furiously.

“Moving on!” Ginny intercepted loudly. “He really does not need any more attention than he already gets.” She said with a roll of her eyes. Lavender and Hermione agreed eagerly.

“Speak of the devil...” Harry said with a groan.

Cormac walked briskly by Hermione, winking at her with a smirk. 

Hermione didn’t hide the disdain on her face and she visibly scooted closer to Harry, trying to make it obvious that she’s not interested. Harry glared. 

“Eugh, you seriously understated how gross he is towards you Hermione.” Ginny gagged.

“What do you mean?” Seamus asked oblivious. “I mean, yea’, the look he gave her was definitely gross. But how was it-” 

“It wasn’t just unabashed flirting, he stared at her like he was trying to literally undress her with his eyes.” Lavender said. Hermione shuddered at this.

“There’s a reason I make sure I’m never alone with him.” She said.

Seamus wanted to say ‘never around him without Harry, you mean.’, but before he could Neville elbowed him under the table. Neville subtly shook his head ‘no’, leaving it at that. Seamus conceded with a petulant huff.

~

Later that evening, Hermione and Lavender sat in the bleachers watching the boys practice. Hermione was reading a book, but Lavender was battling with herself about wanting to tell Hermione vs what Ron said about letting it happen naturally and without interference.

On the one hand, she really wanted to tell Hermione so that she didn’t think her feelings were unreciprocated. On the other, she really wanted to trust Ron and let whatever happens happen naturally. The wheels in her head kept spinning, and she really wished she could lose herself in a good book like Hermione can.

Against her better judgment, she decided to prod the subject. Just a little.

“Hermione, why do you think McLaggen ogles you so shamelessly, when everyone else thinks you and Harry are dating?” She asked reluctantly.

Hermione’s head snapped up, eyes blown wide. “Everyone thinks we’re dating?” She asked shocked.

Lavender raised her brow, genuinely surprised she hadn’t heard the rumors. “Yeah, I overheard a couple first-years talking admiringly about Harry once, and another girl, I think she was probably a third or fourth-year, told them that practically everyone knew he was off limits because you guys were a thing.”

Hermione raised her eyebrows, “Oh. Huh.” She said, furrowing her brows in thought.

“Is that a bad thing?” Lavender asked hesitantly.

“No!” Hermione answered quickly. “No, it’s not a bad thing, per se.” She said with a nervous chuckle. “I mean, it’s not like I’m embarrassed that people think that, because I’m not! I just honestly don’t see how they would think that.” Hermione said.

“What do you mean? You’d be the ultimate power couple!” Lavender chuckled.

“Well...” Hermione started shrinking in on herself, tucking her shoulders in and ducking her head, staring at her hands as she twiddled her fingers. “I guess I’m just surprised that anyone would think someone like him would look at someone like me that way.” She said quietly.

“What are you talking about, ‘someone like you’? Hermione, you’re brilliant! And I’m not just talking about your academics. You’re exuberant and vivacious, and you positively glow when you smile! You have such a wonderful personality, Mione. How could anyone not like you?” Lavender asked softly.

“I’m not as pretty as other girls. Like you, Romilda Vane, Cho Chang, to name a few.” She said.

“Well that’s rubbish, and whoever told you that is full of shite.” Lavender said with conviction. Hermione looked up at her hopefully. “You don’t just glow when you smile, your whole face lights up when you talk about something you’re passionate about. It doesn’t matter what you wear, because you look beautiful in anything. And your hair is gorgeous, so voluminous and curly and full of life. Just like you. And trust me, boys who are genuine and good don’t care about such frivolous things, like what you wear or how you do your hair, or even if you wear makeup. If they do, they’re looking for arm candy, not a connection.” Lavender said sincerely.

Hermione felt all warm and full of affection for the girl sitting next to her. She said those things about her so certainly that Hermione had no choice but to believe that Lavender truly believed what she said. So Hermione chose to try to believe it too. 

She flung her arms around the blondes shoulders, hiding her teary eyes and watery smile in her long curls. She sniffled slightly, croaking out a small, “Thank you.” 

Lavender hugged her back with as much force and sincerity that Hermione was putting in.

Ron and Harry just so happened to look over before they parted from their hug, and Harry felt so happy that Hermione had another girl to talk to. Another friend that wouldn’t throw backhanded compliments or gossip about her behind her back. Because sometimes there’s just some things she can’t talk to him or Ron about, and now she has another girl to go to.

“I’m glad they get along.” Ron said, hovering in the air beside him.

“Me too.” Harry responded.

~

The rest of the week and during classes, Lavender observed their behavior, and concluded that there was no way Hermione’s feelings aren’t reciprocated. She believed Ron when he said that Harry was confused and needed to sort through some things on his own, but Lavender was sure that aside from whatever reservations he has, some part of him realizes that he loves her.

~

Harry and Hermione sat side by side at another one of Slughorn’s dinners. Despite being called a dinner, they actually had a rather large portion of some kind of desert in front of them. Absently, he could hear Slughorn ask about family members and such, but Harry was just waiting for the hour to be over. His only saving grace is that he has Hermione by his side.

“What about you, Miss Granger? What exactly does your family do in the muggle world?” Slughorn asked.

Harry’s head snapped up, looking around the table to see that all eyes were focused on Hermione. One look at her told him that she was very uncomfortable with the attention.

“My parents are dentists.” She answers. He knew this fact about her parents, but upon looking at everyone else he remembered not all of them were raised in the muggle world. In fact, everyone looked at her quietly for elaboration. He could tell the silence unnerved her. “They tend to people’s teeth.” She said nervously.

“Interesting.” Slughorn responded, and Harry couldn’t tell if he was being genuine or not. “And is that considered a dangerous profession?” He asks.

“No.” She answered. She hesitated, but she appeared to feel the need to fill the silence again until Slughorn directed his attention elsewhere. “Although,” She chuckles breathlessly, nervously, “one boy, Robbie Fenwick, did bite my father once. He needed ten stitches.” She said, shifting uncomfortably.

Huh, he didn’t know that one. Everyone was silent for a few more awkward seconds before the door creaked open.

“Ah! Miss Weasley, come in, come in.” Slughorn greeted.

Hermione leaned close to him, “Look at her eyes. They’ve been fighting again, her and Dean.” She whispered, but he couldn’t think of a response with her so close, he could smell her perfume and it was intoxicating. His chest fluttered, but when he looked over at Ginny, he only felt sad for her.

“Sorry, I’m not usually late.” Ginny said with downcast eyes.

Aside from feeling sad to see her so upset, he didn’t feel the flutter in his stomach like he did when Hermione leaned in close to him. He could smell Ginny’s strong parfum wafting over from the momentum of her long strides, but it didn’t make him all lightheaded like Hermione’s does, unless you count the fact that the smell from Ginny’s is really strong.

He faintly registered the flow of conversation picking back up, fortunately off the focus of Hermione, but he wasn’t listening. He looked over at her to see her laugh lightly at something someone said, and he felt his chest stutter. She looked so pretty when she smiles, and her laugh sounds so sweet. When he noticed Cormac ogling her again, he felt like he was hit with a brick. 

And that’s when he couldn’t deny what his friends said anymore. He knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was in love with his best friend... and he was screwed.

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@flowerhowellsworld thank you for the motivation I needed to finish this part up!