#regulate para

[sunghox99]

REGulate

Year: 20XX

Location: Seoul

Looking out at the pedestrians below, Sungho's gaze is fixed on them.  "Ants, they all look like ants," he thinks as he steps away with an unamazed sigh. He's approaching 50 now but could pass for early 30s. An advantage, more so in today's world. Retirement was on the horizon, but he was still on the grind to stay busy. The idea of a family was long gone, he had made due with his steady partner.

Sunhgo put his career first, which, though some may not agree with it, was his choice. Being VP of compliance and regulations carried a lot of weight and power. Other businesses had to adhere or face fines and penalties. Sungho was cutthroat, drawing much ire but also upholding an industry standard. Now he had almost encyclopedic knowledge of law, business, and human resources; he was a living book able to consult on these matters. Though he preferred to audit since it dealt less with legal matters or being accused of having a conflict of interest.

"Sir, the meeting will start soon,"

"i hope they're prepared this time," he replied, checking over the folder. There was more he could say, but he didn't. More so now that he was doing away with that roundabout speech. Sungho was softer with his partner, they were part of his personal world, not the one of business. He clicked the pen in his hand, a habit he formed long ago. The rumor was that it was for show, being made of gold, and it really didn't work.

______________________

The meeting lasted for 4 hours, a chore to get through. The company representatives wanted to block a merger from going through, but through legal means, there was little chance of them stopping it. Sungho was annoyed at the previous meeting since they had no plan to consider the worst, business was about feelings. At the very least, the company could admit that it would gain leverage from the merger to increase its own intellectual property. He advised that they have some members on the board with equal power so that even with layoffs, they wouldn't be totally shut out. There was a follow up meeting later that week to finalize their proposal, which gave off time to comb through it for any loopholes.

The documents were in a closed folder on his desk. Sungho was burnt out already, having tried to work on it, passing the time playing with the gold pen. He toyed with the idea of retiring early, but then what he do? He could be a university lecturer with more than enough experience, but he's been down that road. Consulting? He was an introvert at heart. He looked at his schedule, seeing a round of less intense meetings. He honestly wanted to go home, but work must be done. The knock at the door made him prop up and appear like he was busy before his assistant appeared.

"Sir, you have a call on line 3," they informed him.

His eyes narrowed for a moment, seeing the subtle nervous energy of his assistant, "Thank you," he replied as he picked up the phone as they left. What was this about? He didn't speak first, putting the pressure on.

"H-hello? Is this Reed?" the voice spoke in a shaky tone. His eyes widen, knowing this wasn't a business call. "Reed, Dad needs your help." Sungho dropped the phone trying to process hearing his merfolk name. Dad!? Does that mean the person is a sibling of his? Their voice did sound young. Why trouble was going on? He quickly composed himself hearing the person panic on the other end. “There is no Reed here. Don’t call again.” he replied then hunug up the phone. A cop out, but he knew that wasn’t going to be end of this. Sungho’s went to back to othe window. When he left Hanjeong it was on rather messy terms but he had no concern as he promised himself he would never return. When the truth of his origin was revealed, Sungho was in denial for a long time thinking it was a sick joke but over time the proof came making him realize he was part of species he was wholly ignorant about.  “No, I’m not going back there . . .no matter what.”

[wallartdesignergift]

(via T-shirt classique « règlement avant l'attente t-shirt » par Digital-for-you)

[hacjun]

❝ soy un tipo afortunado entonces ❞ responde con un guiño divertido aunque sus palabras son genuinas más allá de la broma. ❝ uhm, me gradué en berkeley y empezaré el mba en otoño ❞ contrario a lo que se podría esperar, no hay orgullo alguno en su voz al decir aquello, sino cierto vacío como si se tratase de una respuesta netamente mecánica; pero consigue disimularlo volviendo a sonreír mientras vuelve su atención a ella. ❝ ¿qué hay de ti? creo que tampoco te pregunté antes ❞ y no es culpa de ninguno, supone, años atrás encuentros habían adquirido otros rumbos, lejos de conversaciones un tanto triviales. ❝ bueno, ya le ganaste el ir a la cabina de fotos a pedir besos, tal vez esté rompiendo corazones en la otra pista ❞

' la estamos teniendo porque yo no te odio ' evita decirle que le tiene bastante aprecio, aunque cree que se le nota en la manera en la que siempre lo busca. agradece a persona que los atiende con una sonrisa antes de centrar nuevamente su concentración en haejun, sonriendo ante respuesta ' ¿oh? nunca te pregunté a qué escuela fuiste ' le dice, por si le quiere contar, encantada de conocerle más ' vine con beau ' no sabe si le conoce, pero no explica más ' aunque también lo perdí hace un rato. espero que esté sacándole provecho a la temática de la fiesta '

[n3xii]

What you're manifesting/repelling

Hey besties, I've made this reading to help people identify what they may currently be manifesting with their energy and repelling. This is not set in stone but made to help you see what you'd like to change to tailor your manifestation to what you want. Choose a cat and go to your reading ♡ The masterlist of all my services to book a personal reading is here

Tip

♤Pile one

What you're manifesting ~ the star, 8 of wands

Right now you're manifesting a state of healing, posivity and even popular status, attracting a state where you stand out from others. I also feel youre manifesting a state of being intune with your spiritually, your gifts and also manifesting balance between believing in yourself and a higher power. Youre channeling the divine within. I see you're also manifesting rapid movement, change, communication. If these are things you want you're on the right track towards it.

What you're repelling - the magician reversed, queen of swords reversed

You're repelling mindsets that are self limiting and sabotaging, mindsets that are too narrow and judgemental, self critical. You're repelling feelings of self doubt, i say this because the magican reversed encapsulates someone who doesn't see their potiental and doesn't know their ability to create what they want. You're repelling emotions attached to worthless and victimomhood. you're releasing mental patterns of being overly narrow and harsh against yourself.

♡pile two

What you're manifesting- 7 of wands reversed, 2 of wands

You're manifesting a new path where there's no resistance and pain towards achieving what you want. You're attracting a state of ease and not having to fight or grit your way towards your manifestions, things will come to you easily, paths will open up for you to take, new avenues will form.

What you're repelling- chariot, 8 of cups

At the same time, you may also be repelling direction, purpose and willpower, because you're manifesting things that come with ease you're repelling having to do all of this inner work and fighting to get what you want. You're repelling situations that require intense willpower and resilience

◇pile three

What you're manifesting ~ king of cups, queen of swords reversed

Youre manifesting emotional healing, stability and maturity, I also see that your healing from old mindsets and mental constrictions, negative self talk. You're manifesting a state of being in tune with your heart and your emotional needs instead of living in a mental head space all of the time, you're manifesting becoming your own biggest supporter and healer.

What you're repelling~ 2 of cups, knight of swords

You're repelling a state of needing to rely on someone else for your emotional regulation and stability. So you may be repelling co dependency, negative partnerships, toxic dynamics, Para social relationships etc. you're also repelling old attitudes of impatience and urgency. I think its very possible that your energy of emotional maturity and intelligence is repelling insensitive people in your life as well

[sgiandubh]

Y seguimos para bingo...

S the Actor. S the Entrepreneur. S the Lover. S the Father. S the Manwhore. And now, S the Influencer. Yup.

Judging by the seriously beautiful pictures of the Insta story and the short reel he deliberately posted on his wall for maximum traction, it was a rather grand week-end in Nevis. My bet is on a latergram, somewhere between October 10 and October 19 (when we know he was in NYC): but hey, I was never good with timelines, unlike Marple.

What I can safely say, though is this: C was spotted in LHR on October 10 (Loewe Foundation event) and October 17 (Almeida Theatre depressing play premiere). Both falling, obviously, on a Tuesday.

I am just going to leave this here for your consideration:

...knowing that as per the IATA's schedule regulations, we are still working with summer timetables (I have just double-checked with my mother, before the screeching starts).

Other quick observations: he apparently stayed in the Alexander Suite of the Four Seasons (https://www.fourseasons.com/nevis/accommodations/suites/alexander-suite/), judging by the bed headboard - perfect match:

All the other suites have different headboards, you can check by yourselves - quick example with the Chelanii Suite:

So, let's see what's on offer:

Also, smart move: sporting a cap indoors and ta-daa - impossible to look for haircut, in order to try and pinpoint a... ahem... timeline.

No rings on the beach...

... and no rings inside, either:

So, these are props he is playing (us) with, just like the Sybil of Tydavnet.

I left the best for the last, pour la bonne bouche, because I bet the farm y'all were busy checking hammocks and deckchairs and poke bowls (yum yum, heh) and didn't notice this tiny hashtag:

I am off to get prepared for our Defense Attaché cocktail, on our National Army Day. A way more boring affair than the drama-drama I will step into when I'm back home, round 10 local time.

Toodles! :) Y chicas - os quiero mucho. You know who you are.

[mossterious]

I need to stop making leverage sports aus. I will not stop making leverage sports aus. Especially cuz it’s paralympics season! Which meansss��� para sports au!

Eliot lost an arm in an explosion while still with the army. This means that he never worked for Moreau, and was instead sent home early to recover. He did, mostly. To deal with it, he started practicing martial arts again. Toby ran a gym, instead of a cooking school, and was the one to help Eliot with the rules and regulations and stuff. He got used to fighting with only one arm, and focused on his kicks. He made a name for himself in para taekwondo.

Parker was born blind. It never affected her much, except people did try to baby her about it which she hated. Archie still found her picking his pocket, but when he pointed it out, she ran and she ran fast. Archie, who in this was a track coach, picked her up and trained her to run. She’s now a para sprinter. She has some impaired vision but not completely, and she’d be T12 which means she’d have a choice whether or not she’d run with a guide. Parker HATES the idea of running with a guide.

Hardison plays wheelchair table tennis. He was born without any legs, and uses his hands for most things. This would place him class 5. He definitely still hacks on the side, because he is Hardison and you cannot stop him. But table tennis keeps him in one place grounded, so he’s not hacking into hotels for cheap thrills and is just doing it to pay for nana, and his training, and the like.

Nate was still an IYS agent. But he played basketball on the side, as a stress reliever. He was pretty good, but not great. And then Nate got into an accident, and because IYS wouldn’t pay for his treatment, he wound up paralyzed. Sam’s totally fine, and Nate’s less upset at IYS but still quits. He winds up depressed after the accident, until Maggie and Sterling force him to try wheelchair basketball just to do something. He likes it, and he hates that he likes it. And he hates even more that he’s really good at it.

Sophie is still a conwoman, but one of her cons had her doing paraequestrian and now she just kinda can’t stop. She uses the alias every time there’s a competition, because she can’t help herself and equestrian is fun as hell. I think she has CP, which leaves her with an odd gait and using crutches, and it at first made her feel like she couldn’t be beautiful but then she was like “no I can be whoever i want to be” and was simply hot as fuck with crutches.

Honestly, because it’s leverage, I feel like they would all meet because they were all separately investigating the fact that something with the Paralympic committee was really fishy, and they work together to solve the mystery, stop evil rich people, win their sports, and make a family out of it. Afterward they open the weirdest gym ever.

[bitacoradeunadialover]

Hola cómo estás? Espero que estés bien

Ok iré directa a el punto y es que tengo dos preguntas: ¿ Qué es de Diabolik lovers actualmente? Y ¿ Cómo se alimentaban los sakamakis cuando eran ni��os si no se les permitia tomar sangre humana hasta la mayoría de edad ? ¿ Porque le tenían miedo a tomar sangre humana?

La primera pregunta la tengo ya que el visto en el canal de Youtube oficial que casi no publican nada y la mayoría de cosas que publican son para mercancía, acaso rejet se quedó sin más projectos para DL y planea mantenerlos vivos solo con mercancía?. Aparte que no e escuchado en otras plataformas de alguna nueva información de los chicos

La segunda pregunta es más por curiosidad porque mire en una pregunta de Facebook que en el DVD sadistic night laito le mostraba a Yui una foto donde él decía que era en ese momento inocente y que estaba vestido con un traje elegante para ese día el cual era la ceremonia de mayoría de edad . Qué cosas habrá echó Karl con ellos o qué habrá pasado con los sakamakis ese día? Si ellos dicen que la sangre despierta sus deseos más internos o algo por el estilo.

Espero que puedas responder mi pregunta, eres genial para hacer tus conclusiones de manera concreta y acertada 💖

1) Como ya habrás visto, puro merchandising. No sé hasta cuándo van a estar sin crear nuevo contenido, pero si tuviera que pedir algo, dirían que hicieran otra tanda de character songs (notese que ni Kino, Carla o Shin tienen character songs propios). Pero no, nada nuevo en ese sentido.

Edit: esta respuesta la escribí hace tiempo y no la subí jeje, así que no me tomes muy en serio en esto. Aunque creo que sigue igual, pura merch.

2) Bien, esto es sólo una hipótesis pero creo lo siguiente: considerando que un niño vampiro todavía está en desarrollo y no posee lo necesario para cazar por sí mismo, es posible que, acorde a su edad fisiológica, su propio organismo regule su sed de sangre o la disminuya al mínimo indispensable para crecer.

Por eso la actitud de los diaboys chiquitos de hablar sobre la sangre humana y la caza entre murmullos como si fuera cosas de adultos, porque para los niños vampiro sólo los vampiros adultos pueden hacer eso.

3) Quizás una iniciación a la vida de vampiro adulto, como una de esas tradiciones que se hacen en clanes o tribus que sirve de transición entre la infancia a la adultez (y siendo los vampiros básicamente un clan, tiene mucho sentido para mí).

Ahora, el "qué" es una gran pregunta. Puede tratarse de una simple presentación formal y pública en una celebración como los nobles que los Sakamaki son (lo cual es justificable con lo que ocurre al inicio de Young blood) o puede que a Karlheinz se le haya ocurrido cualquier otro tipo de horror preparado para ellos.

Pero teniendo en cuenta que los seres del Makai son sádicos por naturaleza, me imagino que no debe ser nada bonito.

3) Personalmente imagino algo como esto:

Una gran celebración en donde les ofrecen a su primera novia de sacrificio para que la asesinen en público así todos los presentes son testigos de que se han convertido en un vampiro adulto respetable o algo así (se entiende el punto, imagino algo muy grotesco con mucha sangre y a la vista de todos los invitados).

O puede ser algo más tranquilo como darles de beber sangre humana de un cáliz, algo así como un bautizo o comunión.

✨️✨️✨️ Las posibilidades son infinitas, el único limite es la imaginación ✨️✨️✨️lol

[ask-casino-cups-swap-au]

Okay, this might be a bit difficult to explain and it really gave me a headache, but here it goes:

How does the body of an angel or demon work?

First, I always thought that angels and fallen angels turned into demons don't have sexual organs because they don't need to reproduce. So, they don't have a gender and they don't really understand social constructs related to gender, unlike demons who have spent more time trying to understand mortal customs.

The body of an angel depends on two things: what they were made for and their position in the heavenly hierarchy, and their self-perception and thoughts. That's why their bodies are so susceptible to change and can develop traits similar to those of demons.

Apart from this, some archangels or lower-ranked angels might have a more human appearance and exhibit traits of one gender or another based on how they feel.

Demons, on the other hand, having experienced many things in the mortal realm, have mostly changed their bodies just to experience carnal pleasure, and many have settled on a gender and genitals, trying to emulate mortals, though they take MANY LIBERTIES. And well, this change isn't permanent; they just use part of their magic to do it.

There are changes that both angels and demons can control, like deforming their bodies or changing appearance for a certain amount of time. Depending on how powerful they are, they can maintain that form longer, but they can't do it permanently. Their physical changes that do prevail are more related to changes in their minds/psychology.

Now that we’ve covered that awkward part, haha, let’s talk about where their magic comes from. First, these beings don’t need to eat to regain energy because their bodies, through magic, have an energy core in the center of their bodies which generates their magic. This core can have the color of the magic they possess. It flows through their bodies via channels similar to the human lymphatic system. Additionally, their hearts are different; they can also regulate the flow of magic through them. Not to mention, they have additional lobes in their brains that help them control their magic. When they decide to use their magic, this part of their brain activates and processes the individual's orders and information to cast spells or change form and such. They also have glands that function unconsciously, giving orders to their entire bodies to work properly, similar to endocrine glands. These ensure a constant flow of magic through their bodies even when they’re not using it, to maintain the individual's vital functions and thus make them immortal.

Angels, in general, are created knowing their purpose and function in heaven. They basically are born knowing how their system works, how to speak, and their role, to which they have a strong affinity as if it were instinctive. It’s their life purpose which they cannot fully separate from, even for fallen angels, though they try to do other things to ignore it.

This isn't the same for beings originally from hell, and humans who turned into demons. Most of them can use magic, but they have a very long lifespan and can die, although they don't have souls and disappear completely upon death. This depends entirely on how powerful they are.

Ok, será un poco difícil de explicar esto y realmente me rompí la cabeza con ello, pero bueno...

¿Cómo funciona el cuerpo de un ángel o demonio?

Primero, siempre pensé que directamente los ángeles y ángeles caídos convertidos en demonios no tienen órganos sexuales ya que no necesitan reproducirse, así que tampoco tienen género y toda esa construcción social no la entienden muy bien. A diferencia de los demonios, que han pasado más tiempo intentando comprender las costumbres de los mortales.

Así que el cuerpo de un ángel depende de dos cosas: para lo que fue hecho y su posición en sus roles en la jerarquía del cielo, y la percepción que tiene de sí mismo, además de los pensamientos que ellos lleguen a tener. Por eso sus cuerpos son tan susceptibles a cambiar y tener los rasgos que tendría un demonio.

Fuera de esto, que algunos arcángeles o ángeles de menor rango tengan una apariencia más humana y que tengan rasgos de un género u otro es más de cómo ellos se sientan.

Mientras que los demonios, al ya haber experimentado muchas cosas en el reino mortal, pues la mayoría ha cambiado sus cuerpos solo para probar el placer carnal y la mayoría ya se ha establecido con un género y genitales, intentando manejar algo parecido a los mortales, solo que ellos se toman MUCHAS LIBERTADES. Y bueno, este cambio no es permanente, solo utilizan parte de su magia para hacerlo.

Hay cambios que ellos pueden controlar, tanto ángeles como demonios, que es deformar su cuerpo o cambiar de apariencia por un tiempo determinado, pero dependiendo de qué tan poderosos sean durarán más con esa forma, pero no lo pueden hacer permanentemente. Mientras que sus cambios físicos que prevalecen están más relacionados con los cambios en sus mentes/psicología.

Terminando con esa parte incómoda, jaja, pasemos a hablar de dónde viene la magia en ellos. Primero, estos son seres que no necesitan comer para retomar energías ya que su cuerpo, a través de la magia, posee un núcleo de energía en el centro de su cuerpo que es el generador de la magia en ellos. Este puede tener el color de la magia que ellos tengan. Esta recorre todo su cuerpo a través de unos canales parecidos a los que tendrían los humanos con el sistema linfático. Además, el corazón de estos seres es diferente, son capaces de también regular la corriente de magia que pasa por ellos. Sin contar que incluso tienen ciertos lóbulos adicionales en el cerebro que los ayudan a controlar su magia dentro de ellos. Cuando ellos deciden usar su magia, esa parte de su cabeza se activa y procesa las órdenes e información del individuo para hacer hechizos o cambiar de forma y demás. También poseen glándulas que funcionan de manera inconsciente que dan básicamente las órdenes a todo su cuerpo para que funcione adecuadamente. Son similares a las glándulas endocrinas y se aseguran de mantener el flujo constante de magia por el cuerpo incluso cuando no la están usando. Lo hacen para mantener las funciones vitales del individuo y de este modo hacerlo inmortal.

Los ángeles en general, al ser creados, ya saben cuál es su propósito y función en el cielo y básicamente nacen sabiendo cómo funciona su sistema, hablar, y su rol, al cual tienen una fuerte afinidad como si fuera instintivo de ellos, siendo su propósito de vida al que no pueden separarse por completo, incluso para los ángeles caídos aunque intenten hacer otras cosas para ignorar eso.

Aunque no es igual en el caso de criaturas que ya son originarias del infierno y humanos que se convirtieron en demonios. La mayoría sí puede usar magia, pero ellos sí tienen un tipo de vida demasiado largo pero sí son capaces de morir aunque no tienen almas y al morir desaparecen completamente, más depende completamente de qué tan poderosos sean.

[scotianostra]

Tragedy struck on May 4th 1949 when a fire at Grafton’s fashion store in Glasgow claimed the lives of fthirteen young women.

Two women jumped from the four-story building in the city's commercial district. Others were found huddled inside. The dead ranged in age from 15 to 23.

Other workers were rescued by firemen with ladders while a police officer "groped through the smoke to save five," according to an Associated Press dispatch. Two dozen people were injured, including patrons in a neighboring cinema. The fire was brought under control in two hours.

Flames were first discovered in an elevator shaft, according to a United Press dispatch in the Pittsburgh Press, another American newspaper. [May 5, 1949]

The blaze occurred on a Wednesday, at that time the busiest shopping day of the week in Glasgow. Recalling the blaze in 2010, Scotland's Evening Times said:

When fire crews arrived, there was so much smoke, they did not know which side of the street the fire was on.

When the fire broke out, crowds of cinema-goers from the next door Argyle picture house were evacuated, adding to the crowds and confusion in the street.

Hard lessons were learned from the blaze and as a result fire regulations were tightened up in shops and department stores across the city.

In August 1949, two employees received the George Medal for heroism a newspaper at the time reported that;

George Kamill Platt, a clerk, and Solomon Winetrobe, former para- trooper and now a manager, have each been awarded the George Medal for heroism in saving the lives of women in a Glasgow fashion store fire in May in which 13 died.

Winetrobe worked his way along a 5in.-wide ledge 55ft. above the street and persuaded five women trapped on the top floor to step on the ledge.

He supported them until they reached Platt, who helped them to ' the safety of a nearby cinema. A report to Parliament. said; The jury unanimously found that the fire broke out from an undiscovered cause in a small compartment underneath a wooden staircase and adjacent to the lift shaft; that it spread throughout the building within a few minutes; that owing to the inflammable nature of the stock and the extreme youth of many of the employees specific precautions, such as fire extinguishers and an adequate warning system, should have been taken against an outbreak of fire; that the fixture of a padlock on the escape door of the fourth floor delayed exit to the fire escape; and that the fire brigade functioned with efficiency.

[in-ceptions]

rp partner search <3

jesper. she/they. twenty-two. gmt timezone.

long time writer/roleplayer.

finally making this long-overdue post (rip quotev) to find myself some writing pals

some specifics listed below. :)

feel free to send me a little message if you're interested! alternatively, if you like this i'll reach out to you and use this post as a reference <3

willing to rp on tumblr (in messages), but generally would prefer discord! this account is mainly to help me find lovely people to write with <3

i write in third person, generally multi para, though i've been out of writing practice for a long time. occasionally novella, but only when i'm very inspired by a plot and/or character. i tend to match response length either way, though.

i don't and won't double up; i simply will write with whoever wants to write with any of my ocs (long ass list to come will be linked here). i tend to have one for every occasion, so take that as u will :)

all of my characters are lgbt+. when it comes to shipping and plots, partnerships are all dependent on character chemistry and vibes. this usually takes some discussion, but that's something i adore.

i am a sucker for drama and angst !!

genre wise, i love crime, modern era, fantasy, supernatural, sci-fi and the like. i'm a criminologist by academic trade though, so if i get picky about crime plots (specifically organised, with is my area of interest/research) i'm sorry in advance i try to turn it off :)

i don't like exclusively smutty plots. i'm ace, and get a lil uncomfy when plots are exclusively sexual. i'm more than fine with elements, and discussing dynamics/logistics, but to have it as the forefront of writing is not for me. i need more than that to get invested in characters and plots!

i will not write with minors. preferably 20+.

linked HERE is a more expansive list of my preferences/regulations.

linked HERE are ocs/wips i am currently desiring to write for.

[kangamommynow]

The run down

TL/DR: My district is fucking things up in a huge way and staff and students will suffer the consequences.

The long story -

Third Friday count is a big deal at our school district. That's when they look at where students wound up, where they are actually attending, and then adjust teachers and staff accordingly. If more students are attending than anticipated, they add staff, and vice versa.

Here's how it goes for special ed, though. They don't look at number of students, they look at the number of minutes each student has specially designed instruction (SDI). That's the instruction provided by special ed teachers only. For example, one student might only have 20 minutes a day in SDI reading, where another might have a total of 75 minutes a day in reading, math, school routines, social emotional learning, etc. The two students are not equivalent for the Third Friday adjustments, ya dig?

When they look at only the SDI, they get X minutes for the school as a whole. Then they look at the number of minutes a special ed teacher has available for teaching (not including lunch and prep time). They compare the two. If SDI is higher than teacher availability, you get more teacher. If SDI is less than teacher availability, you lose a teacher. You following so far?

Now we get to the problem. The X minutes of SDI for the school and the Y minutes of teacher availability are not actually comparable. First, we don't actually have Y minutes available for teaching. There are big chunks of the day when we can't directly teach a student because they are untouchable - during specials, during lunch, during CORE instruction. It really comes to about 2 - 2.5 hours a day that a student is able to be provided SDI. Special Ed teachers examine the available times, and slot in their SDI when they can. Unfortunately, many of our students have available times overlapping, so you might have 5 kids that could be taught between 1:00 and 2:30, but those 5 kids have 150 minutes of SDI required. The math isn't mathing. We try to group kids with like needs together, so two students with similar goals are provided their 60 total minutes during one 30 minute time slot. That's not always possible, though, particularly with our students with highest need.

Second, the calculation of pure SDI does not include all of the student's needs. Let's say a student has 45 minutes a day of SDI, you would think that's the amount of time they need a special ed teacher, but that would be dead wrong. In the IEP, the student has "Supplementary Aids and Services", these are things / services that can be provided by other staff as well as special ed teachers. SEAs or Paraprofessionals, classroom teachers, teacher coaches, other staff. Those needs are not considered in the SDI calculation.

So let's pick one of our students specifically: he has 45 minutes a day of SDI, but his supp aids indicate he needs close supervision (ie, no more than an arm's length away) for the entire day. He needs one-on-one support. Why? He needs help for toileting, feeding, social emotional support, and safety. He will run out of the room, he will pick up and eat anything (bugs, rubber bands, kinetic sand, small items) that strikes his fancy, he needs fairly constant sensory regulation with adult help. So that's really 420 minutes a day of instruction and support - from drop off to pick up.

He's a fairly extreme example, but we have at least 9 students with similar needs, and maybe 4 or 5 more who need close to that much. Theoretically, we count those minutes as staff supported minutes. We could use SEAs/Paras for that, and we do, but we only have 7 SEAs for the building and they also get breaks, lunch, etc. We simply don't have the staff to provide it, so special ed teachers also cover a lot of that time. When looking at a special ed teacher's schedule, a good chunk of it will be supporting students they're not technically providing SDI to at that moment.

We've been working hard to try to make sure all of our students are getting at least the minimal amount they need. That's the legally required amount, and far less than the optimal instructional amount. We have yet to find a way to make it work. Students are still missing SDI. Special ed teachers are missing prep and lunch. Students who ought to have closer supervision don't have it. Regular ed teachers are providing more and more support to students when they should be teaming with special ed staff.

I got to my meeting this morning. I immediately found my bosses boss and talked to her about the issue. She said that my school is over-allocated. We have too many staff already. There's no reason why we can't make it work. Because they are comparing X and Y and finding a discrepancy in the wrong direction

OVER ALLOCATED?!

That means we lose a special ed teacher. A full-time fucking special ed teacher. I talked to my principal and she's about to go ballistic because she knows perfectly well what the real issues are. She's in the classrooms, she's seeing what we're doing and how hard it is. On top of that, the teacher we would lose is a brand new teacher who is probably one of the best special ed teachers I've ever had the privilege to work with. She's amazing and we are incredibly lucky to have her. If we lose her, and my principal and I are both ready to set up siege walls around her, a good chunk of the other special ed teachers may leave too.

I can't say anything to the rest of the staff. It isn't decided yet. One look at my face and some pointed questions I can't answer and they figured it out. All I had to say was over-allocated. I can't tell you how angry I am about the whole situation. I don't have a solution. At this point, I'm asking the staff to give me concrete data to back up our claims. I will take it to the superintendent and the school board if I have to.

[nuwacoffeebreak]

Conheci seu blog a um tempinho e simplesmente adorei! Se não for incomodar posso pedir algumas dicas? Bem… não sei se isso já aconteceu com você ou acontece, mas já faz praticamente dois anos que não consigo escrever, isso porque acabei não treinando mais a escrita por meses, eu não escrevia nada por meses, muito menos lia. Até hoje sinto dificuldade com isso, acabo procrastinando e deixando para depois, se li algo esse ano foi só uma história… não sei o que fazer pq agora parece difícil. Tem alguma dica? Para melhorar a escrita e se ambientar melhor, tbm?

Vixe, como acontece! Se você der uma olhada na minha história na escrita, vai ver a minha desventura em série. A diferença de antes para hoje é que hoje eu administro isso melhor. É muito comum, 'tá? Principalmente para quem não subsiste da escrita. Não sinta que isso é algum tipo de sinal para desistir ou que acontece só com você.

Isso aqui vai ficar bem longo KKKKK mas como sempre, eu tenho muita coisa para falar. Vou falar sobre tudo o que me ajudou e vem me ajudando a lidar com esses períodos sombrios.

O primeiro passo é fazer um exame da sua realidade no momento. Precisamos identificar qual é o problema, porque assim saberemos o que é que devemos tratar (e também com que régua você pode se medir).

Pessoas muito preocupadas não conseguem fazer muita coisa, então avalie sua rotina para saber suas prioridades. Será que quando você escreve essa sensação de que deveria estar fazendo outra coisa te perturba? A sensação de culpa te persegue? Isso afeta o desempenho.

Ter um trabalho cansativo ou estudos que exigem muito do mental também podem minar aos poucos a vontade de escrever. E não estou querendo dizer para você desistir por causa disso. Isso serve apenas para você observar melhor suas expectativas e entender de que forma se organizar.

Não sei qual é sua realidade, mas como provavelmente outras pessoas que se identificam com a situação vão ler isso aqui, quero abarcar todo o tipo de caso. O que eu tenho pra dizer é: não queira dar conta de tudo ou entregar resultados perfeitos. E se você tem uma rotina apertada, saiba que se você não dá um status de importante à escrita, ela nunca vai ter horário com você. É preciso reavaliar as prioridades, abrir um espaço para a sua criatividade e aceitar aquilo que você neste momento consegue entregar.

Tem que assumir a responsabilidade sem culpa e sem autocobrança. Entender que tipo de realidade você vive (com tempo escasso, por exemplo) e enxergar as coisas que você faz como progresso. Falarei mais sobre isso mais à frente.

Agora, falando sobre saúde. Você dorme bem? Pelo menos 7 horas? Não fica tomando café e energético o dia inteiro? Isso é importante, viu? Posso fazer um post explicando sobre os inúmeros malefícios de um sono de má qualidade, mas resumindo a ópera: não dormir bem impacta em motivação e no desempenho!

Já vai se observando para saber se você está cuidando do seu corpo e do seu cérebro. Pelo menos um pouco. Por quê? A química que vai te ajudar nesse processo vêm deles, então não adianta ignorá-los. Recomendo fazer algum tipo de atividade física, nada extraordinário, apenas algo que te movimente. E dar um gás nas vitaminas (especialmente as do complexo B). Ah, Nuwa, mas por quê você 'tá falando sobre saúde do corpo? Porque talvez você esteja enfrentando o que eu enfrentei: um cansaço anêmico e sedentário. Eu até ia pra frente do computador, mas eu estava tão sonolenta e cansada que não saía nada. Aí eu me sentia mal porque achava que eu era o problema e isso virava um ciclo horroroso que acabava comigo. E a questão era sobre melhorar a minha disposição física.

Já deu uma olhada nas suas prioridades e melhorou o sono? Ótimo. Agora saia da internet. Se você puder ser radical, seja, e exclua redes sociais e aplicativos de imagens e vídeos. Nem que seja por um mês, mas tenha essa experiência e regule seu tempo navegando. Pare principalmente de assistir reels e shorts. E 'tô falando bem sério. "Mas o que eu vou fazer sem?", então né, é exatamente sobre isso KKKKKK. O tempo que a gente gasta com essas coisas é extraordinário, mas não é só sobre isso que eu quero falar.

Na verdade, minha explicação é científica. Existe um neurotransmissor chamado dopamina que é responsável pela sua motivação. Pra você ter uma ideia, cortando a via dela no nosso cérebro, a gente não levanta nem da cama. E os estímulos que existem na internet são tipo uma droga para a dopamina, que se vicia e acaba o quê? Te incentivando a consumir cada vez mais.

Parece inofensivo, mas a quantidade compactada de informação, com as luzes, com as cores, com as músicas, tudo isso vira gatilho para a nossa dopamina. E aí se a gente já está vivendo um vida sem graça, a dopamina privilegia aquilo que é mais fácil e recompensador. O que consequentente torna a escrita uma coisa chata e árdua, pois exige esforço. Entendeu a relação?

Sem motivação você não faz NADA. E sem vontade de escrever você não escreve. Para que seu cérebro não privilegie certos comportamentos, você precisa regular os níveis de dopamina. Ou seja, consumir menos internet, ter mais atividade física, comer saudável, fazer coisas novas. Você precisa preparar um solo para que a criatividade seja cultivada e evitar coisas que forneçam uma bomba de estímulos.

Se for muito difícil sair de redes sociais, ao menos desinstale o aplicativo, regule o tempo, ou qualquer coisa que diminua a presença desse comportamento na sua vida.

Com o tempo livre, seria legal se você pudesse injetar na sua rotina coisas mais aleatórias. Fazer uma receita. Um desenho. Atividades manuais. Sair para andar (de preferência na natureza). Praticar observação (que é muito valiosa para quem escreve). Quanto mais espontâneo for, melhor. Leve seu artista interior para passear e fazer coisas novas. Se de repente for muito difícil e você tiver que acessar a internet, ao menos tente consumir alguma coisa mais elaborada, sabe? Evite conteúdo rápido.

Aí a gente pode começar (não necessariamente começar, estou apenas organizando de forma didática aqui) a ajustar as lentes de contato com as quais você enxerga sua escrita. Liste os pensamentos mais comuns que você tem sobre sua arte. Você se compara demais? Você tem medo do julgamento? Você tem medo de não obter reconhecimento? Você acha que o que você faz está errado e feio?

Todos esses pensamentos intrusos podem te afetar. É importante você reconhecer esses sentimentos, pois terá que lidar com eles durante aquilo que vou chamar de recuperação. No livro O Caminho do Artista, o processo de recuperação consiste em melhorar em vez de ser perfeito, o que eu acho que é uma perspectiva ótima para se ter.

Eu não sei se você viu aquele documentário da Simone Biles, a ginasta olímpica dos EUA? Ela, depois de desistir na Olimpíada de Tóquio, passou por um momento sombrio. E quando conseguiu voltar para o ginásio, o fez lentamente. Primeiro, ela começou só pulando na cama elástica. Nada de acrobacia. Ela pulava e caía numa pilha de espuma. Se alongava com as amigas. Aí voltava para casa. Ela fez isso por dias até que um dia ela começou a girar na barra. Caiu. Escorregou. Não desistiu. Continuou a mesma rotina. Mais para frente começou a saltar. Foi como se ela estivesse aprendendo de novo a fazer tudo aquilo. E ela é uma campeã mundial, hein? O que ela entendeu foi que o ideal era começar da base.

E é isso que eu quero falar sobre. A gente quer ser perfeito numa coisa que 'tá abandonada, que perdeu sentido, ou que nos causa muita insegurança ainda. Nós nem sabemos se queremos tanto assim e aí parece que é só um dever. Quando isso acontece, temos que desativar o olhar crítico e começar a nos olhar como crianças aprendendo.

E o que uma criança faz quando começa a aprender? Ela se arrisca dentro dos limites dela, do que ela já conhece. Então você vai começar a escrever, mas vai escrever sem a obrigação de que aquilo fique bom. Não tenha medo de errar. Só faça. Não sabe sobre o quê escrever? Fale sobre seu dia. Sobre um momento da sua vida. Descreva um ambiente. Fale sobre uma pessoa. Pode ser uma coisa sem estrutura também. O importante é só saltar na cama elástica, coisa bem fácil.

Não quero aqui pensamentos sobre "tem que ser algo bom para postar"; "tem que ser algo que as pessoas gostem"; "tem que ser bem feito". Quando isso vier, comece a dizer para a sua mente "estou aprendendo, isso está bom, estou cada vez mais perto de gostar que eu escrevo". Parece até papo de guru, mas afirmações positivas são remédios que você toma. É preciso enxergar a si mesmo e o que você faz com ternura e amor.

De repente você já tem uma ideia ou não, mas lembre-se: é sobre progresso. Então você escreve uma cena com algumas palavras. No outro dia, revisa e aí percebe que pode colocar mais coisas ou tirar. Quem sabe você quer imitar uma história? Eu mesma adoro assistir coisas e imaginar que vou escrever algo parecido com personagens diferentes. E aí você começa a ficar mais confortável em torno da escrita. Aí você começa a pesquisar sobre, mas não mais para se condenar, mas para aprender (ah, isso é tão gostoso!).

Você tem que chamar sua escrita para perto e passar um tempo com ela, sabe? Não se preocupe com quantidade de palavras. Se importe com a ideia de experimentar. Não é sobre entregar determinado resultado. É sobre testar o que você consegue fazer. E às vezes você vai dar uns dois três passos, o que é ótimo. Para quem não fazia nada, um passo já é tudo, não acha?

Pode ser que alguns fantasmas te assombrem nesse processo e você queira desistir. Se isso acontecer, respire fundo e deixe para tentar no dia seguinte. Nunca se force quando estiver triste ou com raiva. Lembre-se: você está apenas experimentando. Coloque o pé na água. Se não der para colocar as canelas, tente de novo mais tarde. Mas vá se distrair e esqueça o assunto. Quando a irritação tiver passado, pegue a folha em branco ou a tela do documento e tente de novo.

Suspenda a autocrítica. Não me interessa se está bom, se está ruim. Aliás, se você puder, escreva e guarde as primeiras páginas. Não leia. Só produza algo novo a cada dia. E aí em algum momento disso você vai ver que seu relacionamento está melhorando. Eu adoro escrever sobre como estou me sentindo quando acontecem esses períodos de bloqueio, sabia? Porque eu sei o que está acontecendo comigo e não tem como ninguém dizer nada sobre, já que é o meu sentimento, a minha vida, e é algo que eu sequer mostro para os outros. É até um exercício muito bom para você entender como descrever futuramente num personagem!

Se você for uma pessoa que se compara muito, prefira não ter contato com nada do que é dos outros por um tempo. Não leia nada de ninguém e foque só em escrever. A comparação faz crescer o autojulgamento, então se isole disso até criar uma certa maturidade. Você vai saber reconhecer os próprios limites quando começar a caminhar com mais segurança. Até lá, vai se preservando de se estressar e se concentre em criar um clima agradável em torno da atividade.

Nunca desista. Sempre pause quando precisar. Essa é uma das lições mais valiosas que eu aprendi. Eu era muito extremista e acabava largando as minhas coisas por causa disso. Hoje, quando percebo que meus pensamentos estão negativos demais, eu pauso e vou fazer outra coisa. Não abra margem para eles te dominarem. Esses pensamentos que nos põe pra baixo não servem de nada.

Dê a si mesmo a permissão para ser um iniciante, é o que a Julia Cameron diz no livro dela. E é essa postura que você tem que adotar. Ser curioso com aquilo que você pode fazer. E tente se divertir mais no processo. Torne-o mais interessante. É pra você, afinal de contas. Pegue temas e comece a aprender sobre o jeito como você contaria essa história. Se puder ser espontâneo, é ainda mais interessante porque aí você vai criando caminhos neurais novos no seu cérebro e exercitando sua criatividade.

A melhora vai vir e você vai sentir. O importante é combinar todas essas coisas que eu disse: melhorar o corpo e melhorar a visão de si mesmo. E então praticar. Mas praticar com vontade de entender seu jeito, experimentar o que você pode fazer e se arriscar. Diminuir os ruídos das críticas e cada vez mais se aproximar de um estado contemplativo.

E começar a perder cada vez mais o medo de escrever. E aí perceber que você não tem problema nenhum em apagar uma página inteira porque, na verdade, você acabou de ter uma ideia brilhante e vai escrever algo muito melhor. Sim! Se desapegar dessa obrigação de fazer um texto funcionar é outro exercício maravilhoso! Escreva e reescreva a mesma coisa, teste novos formatos.

Eu já estou feliz só de falar sobre tudo isso KKKKKK

Porque eu já entendi que é muito gostoso só se aproximar disso e tentar. O que eu vou conseguir? Não sei. Não é o mais importante. E tudo o que veio desse estado alegre hoje me dá orgulho. Mas foi porque primeiro eu cuidei de mim, me livrei das obrigações imaginárias e me concentrei em me divertir. Hoje a gente vive num mundo tão louco, focado na produtividade, que esquecemos do prazer de só fazer as coisas.

Minha última recomendação tem a ver com isso também: o prazer de fazer nada. Porque temos esse costume de usar a hora de descanso para ficar no celular e isso é horrível para nós. Tire um tempo do dia para não fazer nada. Isso também ajuda a regular nossa mente e o nosso corpo.

Faça tudo dentro das suas limitações, observando como você consegue se adaptar, mas sempre abra espaço para sua criatividade (nem que ela venha em formato de dança, de canto, de desenho, de costura). E se permita. Se permita errar, principalmente.

Te desejo um bom retorno à escrita e torço muito para que todos esses conselhos te ajudem. Se precisar de mais alguma coisa, estou por aqui, viu? ☕

[blindfolded-b]

¿Cómo se vive con TLP?

Hoy es 7 de mayo del 2023, masomenos las 8 de la noche y no se muy bien como empezar esto, desde que tengo memoria siempre se me ha hecho mucho mas fácil escribir que hablar para sacarme las cosas del pecho y la cabeza, siento que articulo mejor lo que quiero decir en lugar de que las emociones me desborden cosa que siempre sucede, no se que es discutir sin llorar, no se que es hablar temas delicados sin llorar, ni hablar de lo que me molesta sin llorar, por más estupido o pequeño que sea, siempre las lagrimas terminan saliendo y se me nubla la cabeza, dicen que este trastorno (TLP) no es como digamos la depresión, que puedes tomar pastillas que ayuden a regular las diferentes cosas que tu cerebro debería segregar para que estes feliz, lastimosamente no existe pastilla todavía para que te regule la personalidad, el TLP es un conjunto de cosas que te hicieron y tu mecanismo de defensa fue desarrollar, curioso como funciona la mente humana, en mi caso empiezo a entender que el que me “ridiculizaran” por demostrar muchas emociones, hizo que las fuera reprimiendo y a la larga las emociones sin gestionar te terminan enfermando, “ Y por eso lloras?” “No seas exagerada” “No es para tanto” son frases que he escuchado decenas de veces por parte de mi madre, jamas me he podido sentir en la tranquilidad de expresar mis emociones o sentimientos sin ser juzgada, me volví experta en llorar en la noche sin que nadie supiera, solo guardando hielos para luego ponerme en los ojos para bajar la hinchazón y evitar que me hicieran preguntas que no quiero responder, y que por no querer responderlas seguramente se enojarían conmigo por mi “mal carácter” porque aparentemente si no quiero compartir mis pensamientos con la persona que me llevo a reprimirlos en primer lugar, entonces tengo mal carácter, es absurdo si lo vemos desde la lógica pero así es vivir y crecer con una madre narcisista.

Hoy escuche un podcast, que fue lo que me trajo hasta acá a querer escribir cosas sobre esto, se llama ¿Cómo se vive con TLP? Y en una hora y nueve minutos esta chica describió mi vida entera y dijo una frase que se me quedó tatuada en la mente, a veces no sabemos como definir el trastorno limite de la personalidad, una persona que no lo sufre no lo entiende porque no siente de la misma manera que alguien con TLP y para explicarlo dijo lo siguiente: “Una persona borderline es como si no tuviera la primera capa de piel, en general todos tienen su primera capa de piel, una persona borderline no, por lo que si te cortas, te pellizcas, te lastimas, si tienes tu capa de piel, te va a doler claramente pero tienes algo que te protege, lo sientes, pero no con tanta intensidad, mientras que si no tienes la primera capa de la piel, estas en carne viva, cualquier dolor que puedas sufrir se va a multiplicar por 10 por 100 por 1000, un simple corte se puede sentir como una puñalada” así es vivir con TLP, la verdad nadie nunca lo había descrito mejor, creo que es una analogía lo suficientemente clara como para que alguien sin el trastorno lo logre entender y sea mas empático.

Yo no se muy bien el porqué o el para que hago y escribo esto, solo se que el 30 de abril vivi una situación que fue el trigger mas gigante que he sentido en la vida aunque estoy diagnosticada hace años, esto fue y es superior a mi y quiero documentar mi proceso, el como estoy como me siento como este trastorno me afecta mi vida en absolutamente todos los aspectos, quiero poderme expresar sin ser juzgada porque nadie sabe quien soy, quiero poderme sacar este nudo de la garganta que siento 24/7 mezclado con una ansiedad que me esta comiendo viva, que literalmente no duermo porque escucho mis palpitaciones que no se calman, quiero que alguien lea esto y se sienta tan acompañado como yo me sentí escuchando ese podcast, no me sentí sola, no me sentí loca, me sentí entendida. No se dejen engañar, puedo sonar muy calmada como que tengo todo bajo control, como que soy una persona muy centrada, y nada esta mas lejos de la realidad, en este momento siento que la vida se me cae a pedazos, lloro todos los días, no se gestionar el mar de emociones que tengo adentro y que no se calma con nada con pensamientos a mil por hora, solo quiero que si alguien sufre de esto y me esta leyendo, que sepas que no estas solo, de verdad, no estas loco, y si lo estas leyendo y no sufres de esto, por favor se empatizo y trata de entender, que ya es una lucha constante vivir con esto, como para también tener que cargar con un estigma de que solo somos personas dramáticas, y bueno, así empieza esto, vamos a ver como nos va.

[arwasimiya]

Kalau masih ada perasaan kecewa, artinya kamu masih salah meletakkan harapan.

Belajar sabar itu perjalanan tiada henti. Jangan merasa sudah cukup sabar. Karena ujian akan selalu naik tingkatannya. Yang sekarang kau hadapi, tidak berhenti disini. Kesabaran hari ini, jadikanlah bekal untuk ujian esok hari. Kita hanya perlu terus meluaskan jangkauannya, menjadi sabar yang tak bertepi.

Kali ini, lika-liku menuju operasi. Lama sekali menanti, panjang sekali proses yang dilalui.

Beberapa bulan lalu kita memulai langkah ini. Memutuskan cuti kuliah, kembali hanya di rumah, dan siap berjuang tanpa menyerah. Agar aku bisa memaksimalkan segala peran disana, terutama sebagai mahasiswa. Agar hilang bayangan rasa bersalah karena sempat menunda, ingin memperbaiki semuanya.

Juni 2023. Bulan pertama, kesabaran pertama. Tentu bukan sebenar pertama dalam perjalanan panjang ini, tapi bolehlah jika dikatakan begitu. Harus menunggu dokter yang sedang cuti. Sebulan lamanya. Serasa membuang waktu. Percuma.

Juli 2023. Bulan kedua, pertemuan pertama dengan dr. Bintang setelah beliau cuti. Ini operasi besar, harus di program dulu, ada banyak ceklis yang perlu dipenuhi. Pekan depan daftar lewat poli reguler di Wijaya Kusuma. Juga dikonsulkan ke poli rehab medik untuk fisioterapi.

Masih di bulan yang sama. Akhirnya kembali lagi ke poli reguler bertemu para residen. Ceklis ini diperlukan untuk memastikan tidak ada infeksi ataupun peluang infeksi. Rontgen, cek laboratorium, dan konsul ke poli lain. Kagetnya, sebanyak 21 ceklis bisa menghabiskan waktu sekitar dua bulan. Harus selama itu kahh?!

Agustus 2023. Bulan ketiga, mulai konsul ke poli lain: Poli Jantung, Poli Gigi dan Mulut, Poli THT-KL. Anak muda ini sudah rekam jantung, dengan tatapan heran perawat yang kemudian paham bahwa ini hanya untuk pemeriksaan sebelum operasi. Konsul poli gigi sejak bulan lalu, untungnya tidak ada gigi berlubang yang perlu tindakan lain, hanya scaling gigi yang terjadwal bulan ini. Setelah selesai dari masing-masing poli, dokter menyerahkan kembali ke poli ortho dan lanjut konsul ke poli berikutnya.

Poli THT. Siang itu ambil darah untuk pemeriksaan ASTO. Hasilnya cukup mengejutkan. Adanya peningkatan ASTO mengindikasikan bahwa amandel yang berisi sel imun sudah lemah atau kalah dan dapat menjadi sumber infeksi. Tonsilektomi (operasi amandel) harus dilakukan. Operasi untuk persiapan operasi wkwk, gimana konsepnya, sih.

Untuk operasi kecil seperti tonsilektomi saja perlu penjadwalan dan persiapan. Tidak bisa sekarang juga dilakukan. Rontgen thorax sudah pasti. Juga kompres hidung dengan memasukkan semacam kasa basah yang nanti ditarik benangnya, untuk kemudian endoskopi (teropong) hidung sampai tenggorokan saja. Ternyata ada penebalan di amandel belakang yang setelah ditelusuri melalui tes alergi (ditusuk 24 titik dan diberi alergen), ada alergi teh dan kedelai. Bisa jadi bahan makanan itulah penyebab penebalannya. Kenapa basic banget, deh, mana bisa hidup tanpa ituhh.

September 2023. Bulan keempat, tanggal 14 dijadwalkan tonsilektomi. Bulan ini dan bulan depan tidak banyak tulisan yang tersimpan, mungkin sedang lelah dan bosan. Ujungnya sama sekali belum kelihatan. Dijalani dengan biasa saja dan sederhana, tanpa banyak meromantisasi perasaan yang timbul tenggelam.

Rawat inap dengan penuh semangat. Terasa sekali perbedaannya, ruang jeda di rantaun mengubah banyak sudut pandang. Sebab tau, kali ini hanya operasi kecil saja, berkali melewati yang lebih besar dari itu dengan perasaan yang berat dan terpaksa, sebatas memang harus begitu adanya.

Masa pemulihan pun tak banyak kendala. Semua berawal dari hati yang lebih tertata sehingga siap menaklukkan apa saja. Sedikit-sedikit melanggar diet makan yang ditentukan, asal tau batasannya. Kontrol pertama hasilnya sudah baik, tapi aturannya mesti dua kali kontrol. Selesai kisah di THT kembali diserahkan pada Orthopaedi.

Oktober 2023. Bulan kelima, ditampar lagi oleh fakta bahwa dokter cuti. Selesai juga semua ceklis dilengkapi, sudah kadung senang hati bakal penjadwalan operasi. Sudah tau kalau daftar hari ini pun, bisa jadi terjadwal masih sebulan lagi. Tapi kali ini, dihadang lagi oleh rintangan sabar.

Sebelum masuk poli, mengobrol dengan seorang ibu. Saat itu terucap, "Saya udah nggak kaget lagi, Bu, kalau harus begini begitu, tertunda atau melewati proses yang ternyata lebih lama dari yang dibayangkan." Sudah bukan masanya lagi mengeluhkan, "Sampai kapan harus begini?" "Kapan semua ini berakhir?" dan rentetan pertanyaan lain terkait waktu. Karena jawabannya sudah tentu, "Perluas lagi sabarmu."

Benar saja, ketika masuk poli dan menyampaikan untuk penjadwalan operasi, respon dok residen: "wahh ikii." ternyata perlu menunggu lagi karena dr. Bintang cuti sedang seminar di Bali. Beneran bikin melongo berasa langsung diuji sama perkataan diri sendiri.

November 2023. Bulan keenam, cepat sekali bukan waktu berjalan? Sudah sejauh ini, ah, maksudku seluama ini. Satu semester cuti yang kuambil sudah hendak usai. Tapi bahkan, prosesnya berjalan amat sangat perlahan. Disebut baru mulai, tentu salah setelah terlewat lima bulan lamanya. Disebut setengah perjalanan, siapa yang tau berapa lama waktu yang dibutuhkan untuk mencapai titik usai?

Mengawali pekan pertama dengan penuh optimisme akan segera dijadwalkan operasi. Berharap semaksimal mungkin agar tak melebihi akhir tahun. Dan yayy berhasil dapat jadwal akhir bulan ini tanggal 30!! Alhamdulillah hilalnya sudah mulai kelihatan. Lebih cepat dari yang dibayangkan.

Memasuki pekan kedua ditonjok (bukan ditampar lagi) oleh fakta bahwa penjadwalan pekan lalu tidak valid. dr. Bintang belum dapat laporan dan tindakan pun belum didiskusikan. Melihat hasil rontgen terbaru, diperlukan CT Scan untuk penentuan tindakan. Masih berharap bisa operasi sesuai tanggal awal.

Radiologi mematahkan harapan. Yang benar saja, mendaftar tanggal 8 dan dapat antrian di tanggal 29 ?! Kalau begini mana mungkin operasi sesuai jadwal awal, padahal bulan depan dr. Bintang kembali cuti untuk pergi ke Swiss dan akan hadir lagi di akhir bulan.

Artinya, jika tetap tanggal 30 bulan ini maka kontrol setelahnya hanya akan bertemu sekali dengan dr. Bintang lalu beliau cuti. Dan jika diundur maka tidak mungkin bulan berikutnya, kemungkinan terbesar (dan terberat) berpindah jadwal di awal tahun baru.

Ah, sudahlah. Berulang kali kita diajarkan untuk tak menaruh harap pada selain-Nya. Selalu siapkan ruang kecewa untuk setiap harapan dan tawa. Tak mungkin semua sesuai mau kita, karena Allah Maha Tau segalanya. Memangnya kita siapa? berhak menentukan arah yang bahkan kita buta apa yang akan terjadi setelahnya.

Sejenak melepaskan rumit kepala. Segalanya kita serahkan pada Sang Pencipta Alam Semesta. Berserah dengan benar, tak akan membawa kita pada kecewa.

Pada pekan ketiga, tetap datang ke poli meskipun entah untuk apa. Karena tanpa hasil CT Scan, proses pun tak bisa dilanjutkan. Untungnya, hari itu tidak pulang sia-sia. Dokter residen yang langsung menuju radiologi untuk meminta perubahan jadwal. Yess bisa maju jadi tanggal 23, lumayan lah tidak ada satu pekan yang terbuang hanya untuk menunggu antrian.

Akhir pekan bahagia sekali, berkumpul dan bercengkrama dengan teman memang sangat diperlukan di fase yang penuh rasa kesepian. Mengulas balik masa lalu dengan penuh senyuman. Bertemu para guru yang sangat berperan membentuk pribadi kami sekarang. Nostalgia penuh tawa itu ditutup dengan kabar bahagia saat perjalanan pulang, bahwa jadwal CT Scan diajukan tanggal 22, lebih tepatnya esok hari. Kusebut sebagai, berkah silaturahmi.

Pekan keempat, diawali dengan MSCT kemudian kontrol dan dinyatakan bahwa pekan depan rawat inap untuk operasi. Akhirnya bernapas lega. Walaupun masih mengganjal karena pernyataan itu tidak disampaikan langsung oleh dr. Bintang melainkan oleh residen saja. Prosedur tindakan dari hasil MSCT pun belum dijelaskan. Tapi marilah kita kuatkan prasangka baik pada ketetapan.

Persiapan rawat inap sudah setengah jalan. Umi izin kerja, baju disetrika, barang disiapkan, hingga bank soal UAS adik pun buru-buru dikerjakan. Karena nanti Umi tak bisa mendampingi penuh selama pekan ujian yang berbarengan dengan jadwal operasi.

Tiba-tiba ada pesan whatsapp masuk:

Alhamduliah 'alā kulli hāl wa ni'mah. Takjubnya, aku tak terlalu kecewa. Lebih dari perasaan 'sudah biasa'. Meyakini bahwa ketetapan Allah yang terbaik sangat menenangkan.

Masih ada sedikit terbesit rasa kecewa. Tapi membawaku pada pertanyaan, "Selama ini kamu berharap pada siapa?" Harapan yang salah tujuan hanya akan memberatkan langkah di jalan. Kalau masih ada rasa kecewa, artinya kamu masih salah meletakkan harapan.

Pada akhirnya, ujung kisah ini masih dinantikan. Lusa akan menjadi jawaban dari pertanyaan kenapa. Dan seterusnya akan menjadi petualangan satu hikmah menuju hikmah lainnya.

Selasa, 28 November 2023. Pukul 02.11 WIB.

[noahsbizarreadventure]

umm im too shy to not be anonymous coz i don't want hate but i'd rly love an alter pack pls,, can i get a transcis roboboy alter please?

why of course you can, anon! here you go!

Name/s: AT9-0324, alec, alecksis, tamer, project, prototype, number 9, attie, codex Age: viechronal, permadult, 22 Species: robot / android Personality: cold and calculative, doesn't show a lot of emotion but is good at emulating feelings, has a LOT of questions about life all of the time, deeply cares for humans in its own little way Appearance: white plastic outershell that can have an artificial skin layered over it at personal will, brown, slighty wave hair that falls just below its earlobes, ball-joints that are very doll-like in nature, but work differently, tends to wears office-job attire, but without a tie or blazer (just the pants and a button-up shirt). It wears black dress shoes, and a pulse of cooling liquid can be seen underneath the plastic shell every few seconds Role/s: communicator, alter locator, emotional regulator, absorber Origin/s: paingenic, willogenic, optatiorma Source/s: brainmade Pronouns: he / it / mech / control / power / exo / bot / mecha / cyber / malware / circuit / 101 / robo Gender/s: roboboy, male, erroricine, androidic, pantechnicaeic, techfluid, gendernull, genderapathy Orientation/s: aroacespec, unlabelled CisIDs: robot, android, brown hair, aspd traits, tall, technological advancement, programmed, emotionally painless TransIDs: transcis, transhuman, transhabit, transowned, transblueblood, transphysicalpainless, transmentallypainless, permaloveloser, transpermadissociated, trnsprogrammer, transliving, transrealperson, transtransrobot, transtransandroid, transharmful Interests/hobbies: coding, deprogramming itself, creating life, making others like itself, creating alters in other systems, Paras: dacryphilia, hierophilia, mechanophillia, partialism

many thanks for entrusting me with this alter pack! have a good day, anon!

love from cyberlife tower ^_^

[bah-circus]

Could we have a level 3 [strongman!!] Amajiki Tamaki from MHA pretty please? *bats eyelashes*

Of course dear audience! We have heard your request and have found a suitable performer for you! We hope this performance suits your needs, but you are free to make any adjustments you wish.

❣︎For Our Next Act, Please Welcome,,,❣︎

Amajiki Tamaki!!!

°·⊱ Name: Amajiki Tamaki, Auden, Harlow, Sunbeam, Patch, Marcel

°·⊱ Nicknames/Titles: Jiki, Sunny, Sun Eater, The One Who Consumes, (prn) Who Changes Shape, The Quiet One

°·⊱ Age: 22

°·⊱ Race/Species: Quirked Human

°·⊱ Source: My Hero Academia

────── · · · · ──────

°·⊱ Sex: Intersex

°·⊱ Gender: Beauboy, Demibxy, Alienboypupic

°·⊱ Pronouns: He/Him; Hx/Hxm; Xe/Xim; It/Its; XD/XDs; Rawr/Rawrs; Vwoop/Vwoops; Pup/Pups; Arf/Arfs; End/Ends

°·⊱ Sexuality: Homoromantic Bisexual Acespike

────── · · · · ──────

°·⊱ Personality: While he struggled a lot with anxiety in hxs youth, xe has learned coping skills over time to self-regulate its own anxiety to some extent. Now that XD feels more comfortable with exploring rawrs identity, vwoop frequently dives into new subcultures and styles, with the intent to learn about them and discover where pup belongs. 

°·⊱ Likes: Deep-Dive Videos, Action Adventure Stories, Butterflies, Alfredo Pizza, Trying New Foods

°·⊱ Dislikes: Crowds, Large Dogs, Cigarette Smoke, Winter, Whiskey

°·⊱ Role: Anxiety Soother, Internal Self Helper

°·⊱ Emoji Sign-Off: 🪶🦋🐙🍽️🍗☀️

°·⊱ Typing Quirk:Primarily MySpace scene girl vibes, and uses a lot of emotes/kaomojis. Abbreviated words (are = r, you = u), raNDOm cApiTaLIzatIoN, may use colorful text if formatting allows for it, xD and x3 are common. 

────── · · · · ──────

°·⊱ TransIDs: transStoner, transHalf-Enderman, transTeleportation; transParticles, transSilkTouchHands, transDSMP, transHydrophobic

°·⊱ CisIDs: Indigo Hair, Indigo Eyes, Autism, Anxiety

°·⊱ MUDS: Adaptive Daydreamer

°·⊱ Paras: 🐙, 💧, 🌼

°·⊱ Extra: Kins Ranboo (DSMP)

°·⊱ Faceclaim: 1 | 2