#reflection of the inner mind and its fears.

[plutosunshine]

Where you will find your healing?

The ruler of the 12th house

The 12th house in astrology is often called the "house of the unconscious," dealing with themes of spirituality, isolation, and hidden realms of the psyche. However, it is also deeply connected to healing—particularly on a spiritual and psychological level. Healing in the 12th house is not about the physical body but the soul, mental health, and the release of karmic burdens. It's where we confront and resolve deep-seated fears, self-sabotaging behaviors, and unresolved emotional pain.

The ruler of the 12th house—depending on which house it governs in your natal chart—can offer key insights into the paths or methods through which you may experience healing. 

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 1st house

You might be highly sensitive to the energies around you, often feeling that your inner struggles are visible, even when trying to hide them. Healing, in this context, requires self-awareness—acknowledging and understanding your hidden wounds instead of avoiding or suppressing them. Practices like journaling, introspection, and therapy can help bring these subconscious patterns to light.

With this placement, there is a strong need to express what is typically hidden. Healing may come through showing up authentically in the world, revealing your vulnerabilities, and allowing yourself to be seen, flaws and scars included. Art, creative expression, or public speaking can serve as powerful outlets for releasing buried pain, transforming those deep-seated wounds into something that empowers you.

Because the 1st house relates to your identity, self-image, and physical body, healing may also come through developing self-compassion and acceptance. Often, with this placement, there's a tendency to be too hard on yourself or to internalize the suffering from the 12th house. You may feel like you're carrying a heavy burden without even understanding why. However, developing compassion for yourself, recognizing your limitations, and being kind to yourself are essential steps toward healing. Mindfulness and meditation practices can help cultivate this sense of compassion.

This placement can indicate that spiritual growth and healing are central to your life path. You may find that your healing journey requires a spiritual or mystical approach. Meditation, energy work, or even time spent in solitude and retreat (a key theme of the 12th house) can help you process these deep-seated issues and bring peace to your soul.

Since the 1st house also rules the physical body, there's a direct connection between your subconscious and your physical health. Healing your deep-seated wounds may require body-based therapies, such as yoga, breathwork, or somatic experiencing. This can help release stored traumas in the body, making the connection between mind and body essential for your healing process. Attending to your body's needs and listening to what it's telling you can be a profound way to address long-held emotional or spiritual pain.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 2nd house

Healing may come through working on your sense of self-worth and how you manage your material resources. Since the 2nd house relates to finances and possessions, you may find that grounding yourself in managing money, acquiring security, and building stability can be therapeutic. Developing a healthy relationship with what you value materially can help ease deeper anxieties rooted in the unconscious.

The 12th house represents isolation and the subconscious. Placing its ruler in the 2nd house suggests you may find healing by withdrawing from the material demands of the world at times. You might benefit from moments of solitude, where you can reflect on what you truly value and connect with your inner self. Meditation, spiritual retreats, or creative solitude can offer profound healing and allow you to realign your priorities.

This placement can suggest that certain old beliefs about money, self-worth, or material security, rooted in the subconscious patterns, must be let go for healing to occur. You may be carrying hidden fears or anxieties related to scarcity or self-worth that, when confronted and released, will open the door to both spiritual and material abundance.

Healing with this placement often requires you to blend the spiritual and material worlds—finding a sense of peace, security, and self-worth by tapping into the deeper, unconscious layers of your psyche. Reflecting on your relationship with money, possessions, and inner values will be crucial.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 3rd house

Healing can come through communication, learning, and connecting with your immediate environment.

In this context, you may find that expressing your deeper thoughts and emotions—whether through journaling, talking with siblings, or close friends—helps you release buried feelings and heal inner wounds. Healing could also come through engaging in meaningful conversations or learning something new, particularly in areas that help you better understand your inner self.

Activities like meditation, mindfulness, or even writing about your experiences may also serve as powerful tools for self-awareness and emotional release. Traveling within your local area, taking short trips, or spending time in familiar environments also offers a sense of peace and healing, helping you process your emotions more consciously. Finding ways to bridge your inner world with your everyday interactions can unlock powerful healing energies for you.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 4th house

Healing involves connecting with your home, family, and deepest roots.

In this case, you may find that healing is deeply tied to your family history or your relationship with your home life. Addressing unresolved issues from your past, particularly childhood experiences or family dynamics can bring you peace and closure. Spending time in your home, creating a nurturing and safe space for yourself, or even reconnecting with your family can help you heal emotional wounds that you may have been carrying unconsciously.

This placement also suggests that inner peace may be found through introspection and solitude at home. Practices like meditation, journaling, or simply retreating into the quiet of your private space can help you process and release deep-seated fears or anxieties. You might also find that exploring your ancestral roots or understanding family patterns offers powerful insights into your subconscious and aids in your emotional healing journey. Ultimately, grounding yourself in your personal and emotional foundations will be key to unlocking deep healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 5th house

Healing comes through creative self-expression, joy, and embracing your inner child.

In this case, healing is found when you allow yourself to engage in activities that bring joy, fun, and spontaneity. Creative outlets such as art, music, writing, or any form of artistic expression can help you process unconscious emotions and release internal tension. These mediums connect you with deeper parts of yourself, channeling hidden emotions into something positive and uplifting.

Romantic relationships and love experiences can also help you heal. You may find that engaging in heartfelt, playful connections helps you heal emotional wounds tied to fear or vulnerability. Likewise, embracing your inner child—reclaiming a sense of play, adventure, and excitement—can unlock healing by releasing the weight of hidden fears and anxieties.

The 5th house also governs self-confidence and individuality, so healing comes when you allow yourself to shine and embrace who you are unapologetically. Finding joy in hobbies, spending time with children, or indulging in your passions can help bring about deep emotional and spiritual healing, reconnecting you with your true essence.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house

When the ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house, healing is found by merging your subconscious or spiritual needs with practical, everyday actions. You heal through routines, work, health care, and service to others. Daily habits, such as regular exercise or mindfulness, help bring emotional stability, while serving or helping others can provide a deep sense of healing.

Work environments might reflect subconscious fears or anxieties, offering opportunities for self-growth. Holistic practices—like yoga, meditation, or energy healing—are especially beneficial, as they connect the mind, body, and spirit. Addressing psychosomatic symptoms or hidden emotional patterns tied to past experiences is also key to healing.

In essence, healing comes through structured routines, health-conscious habits, and service-oriented actions that balance physical and spiritual well-being.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 7th house

Your healing process is likely to be intertwined with your relationships. Partnering with others—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—can help you access parts of your subconscious that need resolution. Issues like trust, boundaries, or hidden fears may surface in partnerships, but these relationships also offer profound opportunities for growth and healing.

Since the 12th house has a spiritual or karmic nature, its ruler in the 7th house suggests that certain partnerships may feel destined or karmic. You may be drawn to partners who help you uncover deeper spiritual lessons, and through these connections, you can find peace and emotional healing.

Relationships may force you to confront fears or unresolved issues from your past. Through the mirror of partnership, you can see your own subconscious patterns more clearly. This can be challenging, but facing these fears with a partner’s support leads to healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 8th house

Your healing process is deeply transformative. This placement indicates that in order to heal, you may need to face significant internal changes. You are likely to go through cycles of release and rebirth, shedding old psychological baggage and emerging stronger. This process can be intense but ultimately leads to profound healing and personal growth.

The 8th house is where we encounter the shadow side of life—fear, trauma, loss, and taboo subjects like death and sexuality. The 12th house ruler suggests that you can heal by diving into these areas, bringing hidden fears and traumas to the surface to process and release them. This may involve facing past wounds or subconscious fears that have been buried but are ready to be transformed.

The 8th house rules intimate, deep bonds with others, especially through emotional and physical closeness. Healing can come through these powerful connections, where you learn to trust and surrender control. Vulnerability in intimate relationships allows you to release long-held emotional patterns and find healing in shared experiences.

Since the 12th house relates to spirituality and the subconscious, the ruler in the 8th house suggests that your healing may also involve spiritual transformation. Exploring mystical or esoteric practices, meditation, or engaging in inner shadow work can help you transform subconscious fears into personal empowerment.

The 8th house is often associated with crisis or loss, and while this can be challenging, it also represents opportunities for deep healing. You may find that healing comes after significant life transitions—whether through financial change, the ending of a relationship, or confronting mortality. These events push you to go deeper within yourself, leading to healing through acceptance and transformation.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 9th house

Healing may come from exploring spiritual teachings, religious practices, or new philosophical ideas. Engaging in deep contemplation about the meaning of life, purpose, and the universe can provide clarity and inner peace.

Travel, particularly to foreign lands, can offer solace and rejuvenation. Exposure to different cultures, spiritual traditions, or sacred places can bring about profound healing experiences.

The 9th house also rules higher education. Healing could come through engaging in study, whether formal education or self-guided learning. This can include reading philosophical works or even studying healing modalities like yoga, meditation, or psychology.

The 9th house, with its connection to belief systems, offers a potential path to healing. Reexamining your personal faith or finding a new belief system that resonates with your soul’s deeper needs can provide a strong foundation for emotional and spiritual healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 10th house

Healing and spiritual growth are closely tied to your career, public life, or social status.

With this placement, you might find that engaging in meaningful work, pursuing a career that helps others, or taking on a role in the public eye brings deep personal healing. You could also be drawn to professions that involve caring for the less fortunate, working in hospitals, mental health, or spiritual fields where you support others behind the scenes. Healing can also come through achieving a sense of purpose and recognition in your work and overcoming any fears of failure or feelings of being unseen.

Balancing your private spiritual needs with your public responsibilities is crucial. If you use your professional life as a vehicle for service or healing, it can be a source of profound fulfillment.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 11th house

Healing and spiritual growth are closely connected to your friendships, social groups, and long-term aspirations.

With this placement, you might find healing through meaningful connections with like-minded people or by being part of a group that shares common ideals. Participating in humanitarian causes or working toward collective goals can be a source of deep fulfillment and spiritual renewal. You may feel drawn to helping others within your community or engaging in social movements that bring healing to yourself and society as a whole.

Additionally, your spiritual growth can emerge through your ability to connect with people who help you expand your consciousness and allow you to express your unique vision for the future. Your healing journey might also involve balancing your need for solitude with your desire to be part of a larger collective, finding ways to contribute to the greater good while nurturing your own inner world.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 12th house

This placement signifies a deeply introspective and spiritual journey toward healing.

You may find that solitude, meditation, spiritual practices, or time spent in retreat from the outside world are essential for your healing and personal growth. You’re likely to feel a strong connection to the unseen or mystical realms, and engaging in these areas can provide significant healing. There could be a natural affinity for helping others in quiet, behind-the-scenes ways, such as working in hospitals, spiritual centers, or charitable institutions.

This placement may indicate a need to confront deep-seated fears, unresolved emotional issues, or hidden parts of yourself that have been suppressed. Healing might come from understanding and integrating these aspects of your psyche, working through karmic patterns, or releasing past traumas. Your spiritual journey is one of self-discovery, compassion, and perhaps even surrender, allowing you to experience profound transformation through solitude and inner exploration.

[riemanifests]

Manifestation is a synonym for reflection.

Warning: this is a going to be a long post!

i feel like so many manifestors have truly lost the plot for what manifestation is. a lot of people don't understand that it's just another word for reflection, so hopefully this will help some of you. also, i mean reflection in terms of the 3d being a mirror of the 4d.

┈┈ 　⊹　The relationship between the 4d and the 3d

The 4d: the inner reality which is the source for the 3d. The 3d: the outer reality which is a reflection of the 4d. Exist in Mind = Exist in reality Exist in Mind -> Exist in reality Let's say a scene of you seeing a red car, a scene of your Sp texting you, and a scene of you having a donut all exist in your mind right now. If you kept those scenes alive in your imagination, that will result in a red car driving past you, your sp texting you, and you having that donut all in reality. That is what you call manifestation. also you are not in charge of making the 3d reflect the 4d and you don't even need to make that happen because it just does. the 3d is always reflecting the 4d and it does that on its own. so remove the added stress on yourself of worrying about "omg how can i get reality to reflect this", no, place the focus back on you.

┈┈ 　⊹　Causality

Cause = Mind Effect = Reality Cause -> Effect Mind -> Reality

Cause: you persisted in having a job Effect: you got a job Cause: you persisted in being unloved Effect: you're unloved by those around you Cause: you persisted in your Sp texting you Effect: your sp texted you can you change an effect with an effect? no. can you change an effect without changing the cause? no. can you get an effect without having the cause? no. so for those of you who are so stubborn about removing your focus from the 3d and just focusing on changing your mind, realize you are in your own fucking way. just do the work change the cause and you will experience a different effect. and again, please stop worrying and giving into the fear that you will not get the desired effect even with the desired cause. that just doesn't make sense. it is guaranteed that whatever exists in your mind will exist in your reality. that is the law.

┈┈ 　⊹　You don't need physical action.

think about those who try to change reality with physical action but never succeed because their mindset contradicts the action. they're trying to cause something to happen by changing the effect while keeping the cause the same. Cause leads to effect, always. Mind leads to reality, always. that is why we don't need to take physical action, because it's not about reality, it's about you. "You cant solve a mental problem with a physical solution" - Nero Knowledge. If your mindset is always like "Sp has no interest in me and Sp will never love me", then even if you follow your Sp's page or messaged them, you're still going to end up with a reality that reflects your mindset. so instead of wasting all of your time, focus, and effort on changing things with physical action, change them with mental action. and this is also why some people try to use methods like the 369 method but never end up with their desires, because their mindset towards it still hasn't changed. you can play all of the subliminals in the world and script all you want, but if your mind is against those things and hasn't changed, then don't expect reality to change.

┈┈ 　⊹　Manifestation

From the dictionary: an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea. Manifestation: When something from the mind is physically expressed into reality. other ways you can think about it is something intangible turning into the tangible or exists mentally = exists physically. think about a printer as well. reality is the printed copy of your mind. your mind is the original and reality is the copy. when reality copies the original, that is manifestation. manifestation is actually really easy and something that you don't even need to figure out how to do. your mind is a manifestation machine that works already. all you need to do is focus on what you want manifested.

┈┈ 　⊹　Extra Notes about Manifestation

you are always manifesting: manifestation isn't something you turn on or off. even if you don't feel like it or you're not intentionally doing it, you're always manifesting. your mind already knows how to manifest for you: so let it. stop trying to take it's job of figuring out how you're going to manifest something, and do your job of focusing on what you want manifested. you can manifest anything: if it can exist in your mind, then it can exist in reality. the only limits you have to what you can manifest are the ones you place upon yourself. it doesn't have to exist in reality first: it's actually the opposite, for something to exist in reality it must first exist in the mind. so if right now you don't see it or have it in reality, that's okay. all you need is to see it and have it in your mind for reality to reflect that.

┈┈ 　⊹　How to manifest

for this i'll use the example of manifesting an Sp and a phone. step one: figure out what it is you want - for my sp to text me - to get a new phone

step two: figure out how you can make this exist in your mind - for the text ill just visualize it happening every time i think about it - for the phone ill just talk to myself about it every time i think about it step three: focus on it existing and being done in your mind - every time i think about the text ill continuously remind myself that i got it by visualizing it. - this is me focusing on it already being done. - every time i think about the phone ill continuously remind myself that i have it by talking to myself about how much i love it. that's literally all you have to do. the rest is for your mind to handle, but either way all you need to do is focus on what you do want manifested. since it exists in your mind it will exist in reality. just let it exist in your mind be aware of the fact that it's yours now and stick to that. reality will reflect your mind as it always has and always will.

[pineapplepr1nc3ss888]

SELF CONCEPT:

let’s talk about self concept: self concept is how you see the world and how the world responds to you. there is a term Neville used called EIYPO (everyone is you pushed out) where everyone acts based on what you assume of them. everyone responds to what you assume of yourself but it also depends on what you assume of them too, for eg you assume everyone loves you and worships the ground you walk on but you also assume this specific person is an asshole then they will be an asshole cos of what you assume them even if they love you because you assume everyone loves you, that’s why it’s important to check what assumptions you have of people!

SELF CONCEPT IS EVERYTHING.

this is the foundation of your reality, how people treat you, how the world responds to you and what you will attract into your life! if you see yourself as loved and adored and desired and chased? the world will reflect that back. if you see yourself as unworthy of love, not good enough, and undesirable then the world will also reflect that too.

the 3d reality is entirely your mirror, and your imagination creates that reality from within. every single assumption you have yourself is reflected out and every assumption you have about others is also reflected out because it’s the job of the subconscious mind to produce into your reality WHATEVER you are assuming, doesn’t matter if it’s bad or good, it doesn’t know the difference it has no eyes only your thoughts. bad or good thoughts whatever you think will be projected.

YOU ARE EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE TO BE - only thing standing between you and your manifestations is your ASSUMPTIONS about yourself.

you wanna be loved? - assume you are loved

you wanna be wealthy? - assume money flows in every direction to you because money is so attracted to you.

VALIDATION COMES FROM WITHIN YOU NOT EXTERNALLY

your god state is ENTIRELY your fucking self concept, so ask yourself do my manifestations come to me fast and instant because i’m the one who has it all and i’m a fucking god/goddess? or do my manifestations come slow because i’m the one complaining about every little thing and asking why i don’t have everything i want?

neville basically identified the inner man as I AM, which of course also identify the void state as the I AM state but that state of consciousness is where you fully become pure consciousness fully immersed with your god self and you disconnect from the 3D, you are I AM, it is you. every affirmation you say starts with I AM, i am the void i am pure consciousness, etc for the void state or for self concept its stuff like i am loved, i am amazing, i am adored, i am worshipped by everyone, i am chased etc. the inner man starts with I AM and with recognising who you are . so when you are seeking reassurance and validation and we tell you to look within, you are looking to who you are, you are I AM and I AM does and cannot exist without you!

the more you persist in the assumption you are that person, the one who has it all - the 3d will shift to match that.

every single thought you entertain about yourself is an affirmation. so what are you thinking? are you building yourself up or tearing yourself down? would you let someone else speak to you the way you speak to yourself? are you embodying the version who has it all? are you truly entering your god state?

the god state is also something you already are but it comes with you stepping into it and letting nothing fear you. reality bends entirely to your will because think about it if you really believed without a doubt that you are a limitless being, that every desire is already yours? that nothing is beyond your reach? would you fear or doubt anything? - NO!

being a god means you are untouched, circumstances don’t phase you cos why would they? they’re old assumptions, reality bends to what you assume, that you are the one in control.

the only thing stopping this from happening is your own illusion that you are a person who doesn’t have it all, that you are separate from your desires when that’s not true, you ARE the person who has it all! you ARE loved and chased and desired and worshipped and everyone is just waiting to kiss the ground you walk on, you ARE that fucking girl/boy, you ARE wealthy and money flows effortlessly. YOU ARE THAT VERSION ALREADY and you need to fucking realise that! you already are it!

BE THE VERSION YOU WANNA BE AND STOP ENTERTAINING DOUBT!

[rainerioun]

𝖶𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖣𝖮𝖤𝖲 𝖸𝖮𝖴𝖱 𝖥𝖴𝖳𝖴𝖱𝖤 𝖲𝖯𝖮𝖴𝖲𝖤 𝖫𝖮𝖮𝖪 𝖫𝖨𝖪𝖤? | 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽.

— Hi! Apologies for being a bit inactive lately. Been tied up with stuff, but I'm back with a reading for you all! Today, we'll delve into what your future partner could look like. Remember, just take whatever resonates with you. This reading is more so about what sticks out to you when reading.

ORIGINAL DATE POSTED : APRIL 26TH, 2024.

HOW TO CHOOSE A PILE : The outcome may vary based on whether you receive clear messages visually or intuitively. If you resonate more with selecting a pile visually, trust that inclination. Personally, I believe the notion that 'looks can deceive,' so I prefer to take a deep breath and close my eyes, allowing the pile I'm meant to connect with to come to me. You might see the color of the pile, sense or hear a number, or simply feel its overall vibe.

Please don’t redistribute or edit my content.

MUST READ + MASTERLIST | KO-FI

PILE ONE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Virgo.

Your future partner likely has an oval face shape with a more narrow jawline and chin, contrasted by prominent cheekbones. They're likely to have a slender physique, though proportionate in any case.

Tarot. — Six of Swords.

They give off a moody or unassuming vibe, seeming as though they don't express much. Yet, they're quite proactive in changing their appearance, whether it's their style, hair, or even their athleticism. However, they'll always maintain that aloof, 'leave me out of it' demeanor.

Additional. Hermit — Light : Seeks solitude to focus intently on inner life. Serves personal creativity. Shadow : Withdraws from society out of fear or negative judgements of others. Refusing to help those in need.  Pioneer — Light : Passion for doing and creating what has not been done before. Shadow : Compulsive need to keep moving on.

As I mentioned earlier, they are constantly undergoing physical changes in some way. They have an introverted and withdrawn aura. They could let their hair grow out and become a bit scruffy before impulsively cutting it off. They maintain a rather deadpan expression when simply existing in their own world. The image of Edward Cullen specifically came to mind when pulling the cards.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. High Cheekbones, Heart Shaped Face, Pale Skin, Brown Eyes, Curly Hair, Cat Beauty, Honey Eyes, Thin Eyebrows.

Yes, very vampire allure-esque indeed. Their eyes could appear normally brown but take on a honey-like glow under certain lighting. Their eyes are quite striking, considering they have feline type features. Although hair color didn't come up during the reading, I pictured them with dark hair that complements their skin tone.

Apocalypse : Cigarettes After Sex.

PILE TWO

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Leo.

Of course, they possesses striking hair like a lion's mane—thick, unruly, perhaps even a bit frizzy, something that immediately catches one's eye, possibly long in length. Their eyes are equally intense, matching their strong jawline. They exude a fierce appearance that naturally draws attention, whether they seek it or not.

Tarot. — Four of Wands [Reversed].

Your future spouse might have a more mature-looking face compared to yours or for their age. They appear quite stressed, with heavy eyes and noticeable wrinkles, particularly around their eyes, such as crow's feet and frown lines.

This aspect also reflects in their demeanor. They might carry an air of disappointment, even if they don't necessarily feel that way—it's just a testament to what they've been through. They tend to go for neutrals in their clothing choices, not leaning towards vibrant styles. Despite appearing restless, they naturally possess an attractive charm.

Additional. Mystic — Light : Revels in intimate union with the Divine. Shadow : Delusional rapport with the Divine. 

They have a divine look to their appearance, regardless of their modest and simple attire or styling. There's a hint of mystique about them, but I feel it leans more towards a deity-like appearance rather than a witchy vibe. I imagine your future partner resembling a god/goddess, genuinely embodying timeless beauty.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Below Average Height, Legs, Medium-Length Hair, Prominent Mouth, Broad Nose, Copper hair, Medium Skin.

Your future spouse has a complexion you'd deem as medium-toned. When it comes to their hair, I envision it falling somewhere between medium to long length. Though a single color came out, you could interpret it as having hints of orange or red tones instead. Their mouth is defined by sharp, pointed features, while their nose possesses a broad, perhaps even slightly downturned shape.

Bernadette : IAMX. | Lucky Drive : Sarah Kinsley. | Who Is She? : I Monster. [ I think these songs perfectly describe their vibe. ]

PILE THREE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Aries.

Your future spouse has distinct/sharp, broad features with thick eyebrows framing their face. Freckles, beauty marks, or subtle scars might adorn their face, too. Their shoulders are broad and sturdy. They could be tinged with red in some way. It could be in their complexion with rosy cheeks, hair, eyes, or they just wear a lot of red. Despite a muscular build, they still have curves, whether it's slim hips and wider thighs or a smaller waist and broader hips.

Tarot. — Three of Wands [Reversed].

It seems they may have a serious RBF, often appearing quite frustrated or impatient. There's a strong and confident demeanor about them. When envisioning their build or expression, I see Rhea Ripley 100%.

Additional. Hero/Heroine — Light : Passion for a journey of personal empowerment. Shadow : Escapism and a false sense of heroism. 

When we typically imagine heroes, we picture them as polished and composed. However, behind the curtain, they bear the marks of their struggles, with visible signs of stress etched into their body. Your future partner will be this way. Peel back their layers, and you'll uncover scars, calluses, and an overall roughness.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Gray Eyes, Hawk Nose, Thick Nose, Scars, Thighs, Neutral Tone, Square Shaped Face, Hands.

What did I say about scars? It popped up three times at this point. Their skin tone has a neutral undertone, not warm or cool. Their nose is large and hooked. And those gray eyes? Unwavering. You could simply like their thighs and hands specifically, or there's something significant about them.

Hey Sexy Lady : Shaggy. | Blood Sweat & Tears : BTS.

PILE FOUR

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Pisces.

Your future spouse has round, soft lips, with dewy skin and eyes shining with tenderness. They have a dreamy aura, perhaps lost in thought at times. Their hair may tend towards the finer side. I envision them as 'dainty' and clumsy.

Tarot. — Four of Wands [Reversed]. | The Star.

The Star card suits them perfectly. They radiate both warmth and serenity, their presence quite calming. This reflects in their appearance, with a lively step and a clear sense of purpose in all they do. They have a whimsical charm, very cute!

Additional. Child : Orphan — Light : Independence based on learning to go at it alone. Conquering fear of surviving. Shadow : Feelings of abandonment that stifle maturation. Seeking inappropriate surrogate families.

In terms of aesthetic, your future spouse has a more colorful style. They appear youthful without seeming childish, dressing without fear and staying true to themselves, free from judgment.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Alternative, Sparse Eyebrows, Long Eyelashes, Waist, Slim, Small Eyes, Green Eyes, Bald, Masculine.

This aligns with what I was getting at. They definitely have an alternative style. Although the energy initially felt 'feminine,' masculine came out. So, I believe this person is deeply connected to both aspects. They might also identify as queer. And while they could actually be bald, I heard in it a joking tone, given their naturally thin hair.

The Shining : The Neighbourhood. | Confidence : Ocean Alley.

PILE FIVE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Capricorn.

Your future spouse is somewhat lanky but has hidden strength, almost described as lithe. They carry an almost stern and steady gaze, radiating seriousness and maturity. Their bone structure is striking, too. Unlike typical Capricorns, they move with a deliberate slowness, calculated in their actions. They are an alluring person. — I forgot to add that they have nice teeth!

Tarot. — Knight of Pentacles [Reversed].

I picture your future spouse as having a disheveled and unkempt appearance, but in a somehow intentional and controllable manner—it's a bit hard to put into words. Think of someone like Hozier in terms of what I mean. They might give off a slightly lazy energy, dressing in loose-fitting clothes. I don't think they enjoy changing their appearance much and prefer to stick to the same style. I imagine they lean towards neutral or dark colors, something easy on the eyes.

Additional. Messiah — Light : Serving humanity with humility. Shadow : Exaggerated belief that you are the only means through which a cause can succeed. 

This person is confident, fully aware of their own charm. I envision them with darker skin and dark hair. If you're attracted to men, I imagine them having some form of facial hair, perhaps a beard.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Eye Bags, Light Freckles, Prominent Nose, Full Lips, Short Hair, Dark Skin, Olive Skin, Monotone Voice, Puppy-Dog Eyes, Brown Hair.

I think your future spouse aims for that bad boy vibe but doesn't quite nail it. They naturally give off that vibe, but they try a bit too hard to make it obvious. Perhaps they have freckles that become more visible in the summer or are barely noticeable. They aren't very expressive with their voice, but their eyes more than compensate for it, being a bit pouty, too. As for their hair, while I initially pictured it as long, it likely varies based on personal preference since short hair came out. Generally, they have a darker appearance overall.

Beautiful Is Boring : BONES UK. | Judas : Lady Gaga. | Too Sweet : Hozier.

PILE SIX

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Sagittarius.

Your future spouse has a wider face and a welcoming, cheerful demeanor. I see them with a cute button nose, sparkling eyes, and a pretty smile. They are bubbly and curious, with chubby cheeks and a curvier frame. Their expression reminds me of Armin Arlert. AHHH, I LOVE ARMIN! I HAD TO BRING HIM UP. T-T

Tarot. — Ace of swords [Reversed].

This person tends to get easily distracted, often appearing spaced out. Their appearance mirrors their emotions, reflecting whatever they're feeling that day. They're not one to settle on a particular style, constantly changing their look.

Additional. Shape-Shifter — Light : Skill at navigating through different levels of consciousness. Ability to see the potential in everything. Shadow : Projecting any image that serves your personal agenda in the moment. 

Yeah, they seem like a real shape-shifter. Always evolving, whether it's their physical appearance or their mindset. One day they might be all about frills and pastels, and the next they're wearing dark, sleek attire.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Hazel Eyes, Button Nose, Tattoos, Neutral Tone, Fingers, Freckles, Hips, Round Shaped Face, Slim Nose.

It's kind of spooky how tarot readings can be so consistently on point with their messages. Hazel eyes were mentioned, but even if not, they have lighter eyes. They might have tattoos, but I'm not sure of what. You might find yourself drawn to their fingers or hips. I envision them as more heavy-set.

Primadonna : MARINA. | Paris, Texas : Lana Del Rey. | Black Friday : Tom Odell.

[uchizana]

CHORDS OF LOVE

synopsis: during an unexpected storm that traps you and karina, the talented guitarist of aespa, alone in the studio, she decides it’s time to stop hiding her heart. with the rest of the band away seeking dinner, the atmosphere crackles with the potential for confession. as the wind howls outside, will karina's brave revelation about her long-standing crush bring the two of you closer, or will fear of breaking the band’s sacred harmony send her heart spiraling into uncertainty?

pairing: rockstar!karina x bandmate!fem reader

warnings: kissing, none more that I know of

word count: 2.7k

— english isn't my first language so sorry if there are any grammar mistakes.

aespa masterlist.

jimin lets out a sigh of frustration, letting the pen fall free from the grip of her fingers, landing on the worn leather of the notebook. the pages are overwhelmed with half-formed lyrics, doodles of hearts and stars, and errant thoughts. it’s all a chaotic testament to her inner turmoil, a reflection of the pressure she feels to deliver yet another brilliant album. she drops her body abruptly onto the swivel chair, causing her to squeal at the sudden force, a sound that slices through the silence of the studio.

what was going on? well, jimin was trying to write a song for the next album of the rock band she was in—the band you were also a part of, and not just a member, but the very heart of its musical identity. it was complicated enough that the last few weeks had seen her pacing frantically when she wasn’t teetering on the edge of frustration.

the impossible task looms larger every moment, each hollow space on the page amplifying her every doubt. twelve songs, twelve distinct messages, and she still has nothing but crossed out words and half-formed melodies that refuse to budge from the intricacies of her mind

“hey! you okay?” comes a voice from behind her.

it’s aeri, her sandy-blonde hair falling over her face as she leans against the door frame, followed closely by minjeong and yizhuo, both of whom wear playful smiles. they giggle like schoolgirls as they watch her theatrical outburst, a wave of warmth washing over jimin despite her frustration.

“what was that for?” yizhuo laughs, her eyes sparkling.

“just trying to summon some creativity over here,” jimin groans, throwing her head back dramatically.

just then, a deep rumble of thunder rolls through the air, pulling her from her reverie. she jumps slightly in her seat, feeling the giggles of her bandmates filter into the little bubble of her frustration. aeri, with her ever-gleeful spirit; minjeong, always the pragmatist; and yizhuo, who somehow always finds the light in the chaos. they share a laugh at her expense, teasing her about how a mere thunderclap was enough to shatter her precious concentration. the light-heartedness brings a slight grin to her face, easing the tight knot forming in her chest.

“jimin,” aeri says playfully, “you look like the world’s weight is on your shoulders. relax a little. we have plenty of time before we need to head into the studio to record anyway.” the sincerity in her voice softens the ribbing, a reminder to jimin that she doesn’t have to shoulder this burden alone.

the thunder doesn’t just signal a storm outside; it mirrors the tempest within her. “i swear, these lyrics are just not coming together,” she admits, the words creeping out reluctantly. they mean more than just her struggles with songwriting—they seep into her personal thoughts.

“we didn't realize we were dealing with a diva here!” yizhuo jumps in, her voice light and cheerful as she shimmies her thin jacket over her shoulders. “relax, jimin. you’re going to burn yourself out. we have time before any of it matters.”

jimin scowls playfully but the laughter helps buoy her spirits. “you’re all just lucky i didn’t throw something at you,” she retorts with mock irritation.

“seriously though, don’t stress too much,” aeri advises, her expression more earnest now. “we have plenty of time before recordings. you don’t want to wear yourself out before we even get to the fun part!”

they all know how much it means to her—the thrill of performing together, the rush of being in front of their fans, the electricity in the air during their concerts. but right now, it’s hard to remember that. right now, it’s just the empty pages and the untamed notes swirling in her mind.

as the three of them discuss dinner plans, jimin shifts her gaze back to her notebook. the messy letters seem to mock her. she stares at the crossed-out lines, the hints of torn pages—a chaotic representation of her tangled thoughts. then she hears the unmistakable sound of jackets being zipped up, and her heart beats faster.

“what are you doing?” jimin asks, a hint of desperation threading through her tone as her eyes dart between them.

"we’re going out for dinner! we can’t just live on snacks while we’re working in the studio," yizhuo said, rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing.

“we’re off to grab something to eat. something good, and then we’ll come back and keep working,” aeri ads, and you can see the kindness shining in her eyes. “you need a break, jimin. fresh air and a good meal might be just what you need.”

jimin watches as they exchange conspiratorial glances. just then, her eyes drift across the room and land on you, nestled comfortably in the corner of the couch. you haven’t moved to grab your coat despite the playful teasing. you’re her bandmate, the composer who has been behind the production of all the band’s musical hits, and the group’s guitarist—a presence that sends both comfort and confusion coursing through her.

your brow is furrowed slightly as you focus on your guitar. the twilight light reflects in your eyes, making it impossible for jimin to ignore the way her heart leaps just at the sight of you. there is something captivating, magnetic, in the way you lose yourself in the music, translating emotions into notes as you’ve always done.

and that’s the problem. over time, that admiration has turned into something else—something more profound. a crush that runs deeper than a passing fling or a drunken kiss. it’s the kind of affection that makes her chest ache when you smile, the kind that sets her pulse racing whenever you laugh.

“hey, you coming with us?” minjeong asks, breaking her reverie.

you look up from your guitar, a faint smile revealing a tenderness that tugs at jimin’s heartstrings. “i’ve got a few more things to work on, so I’ll stay here for now,” you say, your voice low and soothing.

jimin feels a rush of disappointment. she wants to invite you to join them, to share a meal and a moment outside this studio bubble that has kept them all locked in a creative frenzy.

“are you sure?” she asks, an urge swallowing her hesitation. “we could really use more brains. i mean, the sky might just help us to stir some creativity, right? plus, i’ve decided to try a new place that serves the best pasta in town!”

you chuckle softly, a sound she could listen to forever. “pasta sounds good, but i really need to sort out these lyrics before i can think of anything else.” your eyes dart back to the guitar strings in a way that makes her want to scream in frustration.

she watches you for a moment, the weight of her feelings hovering between them. the unspoken connection thickens in the air, but it’s the fog of uncertainty that keeps her immobile. how would you react if she confessed that her admiration had blossomed into something stronger? that every fleeting touch during practice ignited sparks that lingered for far too long?

“alright then, we’ll be back soon,” aeri interjects, clapping her hands together. “when we come back, you better be done with that song, or i’ll be taking that guitar from you!”

as the door swings shut behind them, silence envelops the room, leaving you alone with the sound of the rain trickling against the window, the storm still raging outside.

and then—there it is—this longing that has previously felt muted begins to pulse stronger. jimin's focus on her songs often distracts her from what lies just beneath the surface, a connection built on years of shared laughter, tears, and unspoken words. watching her struggle, you decide to take a risk, to bridge the gap widening between you both.

you rise from the couch, guitar in hand, and move toward her desk. the sight of the crumpled notes makes your heart ache for her, knowing she isn’t just creating music; she’s trying to carve out her place in the world.

jimin rubs her forehead and sighs, an audible sound of frustration escaping her lips. the tension in the room grows thicker; the air feels electric, charged with unspoken words and lingering glances.

“can't seem to get the right words out,” she mutters, her pen tapping against the page in irritation. you’ve been cooped up in this studio all afternoon, trying to piece together something worthwhile for the next album, but every sentence that flows from her pen seems to vanish into the void of her mind.

“ugh, i can’t think of anything!” she finally exclaims, tossing the pencil aside in frustration. it clatters to the floor, breaking the spell of quiet. leaning back on the chair, she tilts her head, exposing her delicate neck. the curve of her jaw catches the light just so, and for a moment, you forget about the music.

“why not try writing something about desire?” you suggest, your voice steady despite the flutter that ignites in your chest. it’s an idea that’s been bubbling in your mind since the last time you two shared that knowing glance, that electric chemistry lurking just under the surface. “you know, something forbidden?”

“desire…” she repeats, rolling the word across her tongue like a sweet melody. “that could be something.”

you nod, emboldened by the thought of igniting that spark. “yeah. something raw, something real—like secrets we keep or...”

“or that lingering touch we dare not explore?” jimin finishes for you, her gaze piercing through the dim light. there's a challenging tone in her voice, teasing and serious all at once, stirring something primal inside you.

“exactly,” you say, your heart pounding in rhythm with the notes you play. the tempo quickens, matching the beat of your thoughts. you’re both living in a world of unspoken possibilities, and suddenly, it feels like the walls of the studio are closing in, trapping you in this moment.

you set your guitar aside, the faint sound of strings vibrating mingling with the quietness of the room. the soft sound echoes like a heartbeat between you, creating a momentary pause where the world outside fades away.

“what do you know about desire?” she challenges playfully, a teasing smile breaking her earlier frustration. it’s a question that feels loaded as your chest tightens; you’ve known her long enough to recognize the weight behind her words. you can tell she’s not merely asking about the general concept.

“oh, i know a thing or two,” you reply, forcing a chuckle, though the truth is that you’re acutely aware of your own frustrations—of the yearning that’s been building each time you share a moment with her. each chord you strum, every late-night practice, has only made you more aware of how intoxicating she is, how your affection for her swells when you least expect it.

“like what?” she asks, leaning back the chair, her body subconsciously inching closer as if drawn to you. the light dimming, stripping away the outside world, leaves only the two of you.

you shrug, trying to mask the magnetic pull you feel toward her. “desire is…” you start, and the words spill forth unbidden. “it’s wanting something that feels out of reach, something you can’t have. it stirs up excitement and fear all at once.”

you take a breath and lean forward, resting the guitar on your knee, your fingers practically itching for more than just strings. “what if we wrote a song about—” you hesitate, the weight of your words anchoring the air around you, “—about the tension between... two people who want more than what they’re allowed to have?”

jimin's eyes shine with a spark that mirrors your own feelings. “you mean like us?” her voice is barely above a whisper, the question hanging uncomfortably yet intoxicatingly between you.

a pulse of vulnerability courses through your veins, and you search her face for signs, for permission, for something you hope desperately isn’t just a figment of your imagination. “maybe,” you manage, your throat dry as sand.

with a slight tilt of her head, jimin's expression morphs, shifting from playful to something softer, more sincere. “what if...” she trails off, glancing down at her notebook, biting her lip. “what if we expressed that desire? what if we were brave enough to put it into words?”

the silence stretches, thick with anticipation. you both know the unvoiced truth as well as you know every chord on your guitar. you’re no longer just bandmates; you’re two souls on the precipice of deeper connection, caught between friendship and something intoxicatingly new, dangerously thrilling.

“then we should be brave,” you say softly, inching closer on the carpet. the air thickens, charged with an energy you can almost taste. “just like the music we create.”

the silence that follows is charged, both of you holding your breath while the world spins outside your bubble. you can’t help but notice how her gaze flickers between your eyes and your lips, a magnetic pull mirrored in your own gaze as you take in every feature that makes her jimin—her tousled hair, the glint of determination in her eyes, those lips that seem to provoke a longing you didn’t know was possible.

you lean forward instinctively, drawn like gravity. “what if we…” you murmur, but you don’t quite finish the sentence. instead, your heart races ahead of your mind, and you find yourself inching closer, the distance collapsing between you.

just then, jimin's breath quickens; she takes a sharp inhale that slices through the electrically charged atmosphere. her eyes widen a fraction, and in her gaze, you see an invitation strung between confusion and that intoxicating desire.

slowly, jimin leans forward, eyes locking onto yours. there’s a shift in the atmosphere, an understanding that dances in the silence—an unbreakable thread tethering you to this moment. and then, in a heartbeat, the distance collapses.

your lips meet, tentative and ignited by the electricity pulsing between you. the kiss is soft at first, exploratory, as if you are both testing the waters of this new territory. it’s warm and lingering, sending shockwaves through your body. there’s a hunger, a desperate need to explore the intimacy that’s always been lurking beneath the surface of your friendship.

as you deepen the kiss, time seems to lose all meaning. the world outside the studio fades away; it’s just you and jimin—everything you’ve ever wanted. every secret glance shared during practice, every lingering touch of fingers in an accidental brush, all the pent-up emotions spill over. her hands find their way to your hair as yours cradle her face, and the kiss transforms, blooming into something fierce and intoxicating.

the kiss feels forbidden, electric—a culmination of all the moments you’ve shared, the chemistry that had always clouded your interactions. everything that had remained unspoken now dances into the open, painting the walls of the studio with a vivid hue of realization.

moments stretch into infinity, lost in the rhythm of each other’s breathing and the distant echo of the life outside the studio. when you finally pull away, foreheads resting together, both of you are breathless, hearts racing as you hold onto this fragile moment of truth.

“wow,” she breathes, laughter bubbling at the edges of her words. there’s a mix of disbelief and wonder in her gaze, and you can’t help but smile.

“i guess that’s one way to write a song about desire,” you murmur, teasing as you catch your breath.

jimin chuckles, her cheeks flushed, and for a moment, the weight of the world falls away, leaving only lightness and possibility. “let’s make it a good one then,” she agrees, eyes sparkling, and you both know that this is just the beginning.

as you sink back into the rhythm ,,,,,,,of creativity, the lines of your collaboration shift and blend. this time, though, it’s filled with a beautiful new tension, a music born from uncharted desires that will carry you through the creation of a masterpiece—together. and maybe, just maybe, what started in this studio would reverberate far beyond the notes, echoing through the very hearts of your songs to come.

[zzencat]

How To Energetically Get The Most Out Of Your School/Work Life - ⏳

Since we’re getting into the groove of things…let’s gaur!!!! For entertainment purposes.

From left to right. Breathe and choose the one(s) you can't keep your eyes off of.

TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

Pile 1 | boomer mentality?

• change your ways. Bad habits, weak ways of thinking- sure, it’s uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Success is uncomfortable (I’m pretty sure someone super famous said that once maybe someone should remind me- 🤔) . You’ll find that if you look at things from a new perspective, a new angle, it’ll be beneficial for you in the long run. Just like looking at stress in a good way- there are studies on it that show that if you look at stress in a more positive way and use it to your advantage, you could really stretch out your life and live longer than those who were pessimistic about it (lol fun fact for you)

if you let go of the old, your luck will change. embrace these new changes, beliefs, environments, and people.

don’t keep your time and resources to yourself. allow for self reflection and transformations to happen!

big focus: don’t let history repeat itself. it’s time for a change! let go and let in.

—————————

Pile 2 | feeling stuck or stagnant

• pile 2, you tend to overthink everything. You let your mind run its course. That ain’t good news. It prevents you from reaching new heights- prevents you from even starting on something, just because of fear or even roots of perfectionism. There’s a huge lack of motivation, confidence, and trust in yourself- so much that even when I was pulling your cards they were hesitant to come out. it feels like russian roulette but it’s firing on its own. some people here might tend to overreact/throw a tantrum as well or be immature in situations that need sensibility (in this case, ya gotta take this time to mature.)

• I feel this group has trouble with balance in general. Nothing wrong with that on occasion but if that’s your default setting and you’re stuck in your mind all day, wondering about this and that—just a crazy clash of thoughts and ideas—ruminating and running around in a vicious cycle full of mental bullshit then it’s gonna stop you. It’s gonna stop you from growth, from achieving things, from getting started, from living life normally. That’s the bare minimum, isn’t it? All we gotta do is breathe and when life makes it hard, the brain works harder. The mind is truly the most dangerous thing and you have to embrace it, marinate in it, and pick at it. find out where the balance is between intuition, logic, and emotion.

you might feel restricted and the need to break free, but what you also need is a breather to calm down and assess yourself before making decisions. rmr, deep breaths.

•Do your own research, form your own opinions, figure out who you are, how you operate, and what you want in life. That’s how you begin to build character. That’s how you can move forward, even if it’s little by little. (A more stable foundation comes outta that too.)

big focus: practice self control. when they say “lead with your head,” they really mean the control center of logic, intuition, and emotion…but who’s doing more of the controlling here, you or your mind?

——————————

Pile 3 | “how could I miss that?”

• What you need to focus on is slowing down. it’s easy to miss things when we’re busy or taking on a lot of responsibilities. give yourself some love and care—tend to those inner callings. It’s good for your mental health as well. Remember: mental becomes physical.

• put yourself first for once. Connect with yourself and loved ones- go on one of them self dates- Yessir those exist 😳

• pile 3, you are easily the most efficient and speedy group- cards were legit being shuffled like they were being handled like a pro- but you know the con of that? You miss all the moments you could’ve had with friends, lovers, family. Yourself. You get to miss all the details because things are going too fast pow pow pow one after the other until it piles up and then you end up beating yourself up for small and simple mistakes…calm down and adjust yourself. You will be okay.

• I’m telling you fam- TAKE BREAKS. Give yourself moments to relax and rejuvenate before you push yourself!! You put too much pressure on yourself as it is

• connect with your inner feminine energy when you have the time—you gotta MAKE that time for yourself

• don’t be so neglectful in your relationships btw! Romantic, platonic, familial, wtv- learn how to manage your time so that you can separate work and assignments with social relations. Keep that communication up!! This includes your inner and outer voice. Reflect and acknowledge how you feel.

big focus: be more open minded to making new connections! spend more time with others. you’ll find emotional happiness and fulfillment in it :)

————————————

Ending Teddy note:

Hello hollywood people 😎 it has been a long minute! thank you for taking the time to read through this—YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Always remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I’ll cya fam ciao :)

[astrosouldivinity]

𝑩𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑴𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑨𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒚:

𝐸𝓂𝒷𝓇𝒶𝒸𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝐹𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝐼𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇 𝒫𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 ⚔️

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑶𝒏𝒆: 𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒊𝒓 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔

𝒢𝑒𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒾, 𝐿𝒾𝒷𝓇𝒶, 𝒜𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓊𝓈 ♊️ ♎️ ♒️

𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑮𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊 - ⚸ ♊︎ ⚸

𝑼𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑷𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒔: They can struggle with their authentic self-expression and might even feel unsafe sharing their innermost truths. As a result, this can lead to a distorted self-image, where different versions of themselves are presented in their immediate environment to gain approval or avoid judgment from others. 👯

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓: You can step into your dark feminine energy by embracing honest communication and authentically expressing your truth. This placement evolved is especially powerful when it comes to their words. However, it’s important to be mindful, as this energy can be used to control, manipulate, and influence others, so be careful not to overstep or misuse your gifts..

𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆: Make sure you are being intentional with how you communicate and the overall message you want to convey. It's also important to tap into your emotions and avoid suppressing them. You could have a tendency to remain stuck in your mind. Connecting your thoughts with your emotions and expressing them authentically will allow you to communicate more clearly. When you align your inner feelings with your words, you create a deeper understanding which will help with fostering genuine connection with others.

𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔:

• Megan Fox, Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga

𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑳𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂 - ⚸ ♎︎︎ ⚸

𝑼𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑷𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒔: They often struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and find it difficult to establish healthy boundaries. Their desire for peace and harmony can lead them to neglect their own needs, sacrificing their personal authenticity in the process. As a result, these individuals can feel unseen or undervalued, as their focus is on pleasing others rather than honoring themselves.

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓: True empowerment comes with embracing balance in all aspects of life. For instance, the inner and outer. Ensure that the energy you put out into the universe is reflected back to you; reciprocity is key here. It’s also important that you recognize when others are taking advantage of your kindness or pushing your boundaries. You need to have the courage to stand up for yourself! Your strength lies in your innate sense of justice and fairness, and your dark feminine energy will reflect as an “eye for an eye” type of vibe. 👁️ ⚖️

𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆: If you don’t stand up for yourself, resentment will build and eventually manifest in volatile ways. You might even suppress your anger because of its intensity, and you could even deeply fear it. However, as you begin to set boundaries, you may initially feel like you're being selfish or like you’re a bad person, but that’s not true! You are deserving of reciprocity and respect.

𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔:

• Winona Ryder, Chappell Roan, Eva Green

𝑳𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝑨𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒖𝒔 - ⚸ ♒︎ ⚸

𝑼𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝑷𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒔: When unhealed, these individuals often struggle with a deep fear of being truly seen, which can lead them to suppress their authentic self-expression and deeper emotions. This fear often originates from past hurts and experiences of rejection and judgment by others. They may also struggle with feelings of being different or not belonging, as if they are an alien visiting Earth. This can create a sense of alienation and deep loneliness.

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓: Understand that you were born to stand out and go against the grain. You are a trendsetter and an icon, destined to pave your own way! The more you embrace your authenticity, the more your true power will shine through. Remember, others may not perceive or understand your vision, and that is not your responsibility. Your only task is to stay true to yourself, trust your inner voice, and keep shining brightly regardless of external opinions. Embrace your uniqueness and know that your power lies in your ability to be unapologetically you! 🔮✨

𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆: Remember to be gentle with yourself and always stand up for what you believe in. You are not meant to follow others; you are meant to inspire. Your uniqueness is rooted in your dark feminine energy, which is your greatest superpower. Never let anyone define or limit you!

𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔:

• Charli XCX, Björk, Emma Chamberlain

Thank you for reading and your support! I do have three more parts on the way, which I’m in the process of writing. I’m doing all the Lilith signs, separated by element, so stay tuned! ☺️

𝔁𝓸𝔁𝓸- 𝓚𝓲𝓴𝓲 💕

©𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚁𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚁𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍.

[bijoutarot]

Your Next Big Decision ✨

Pick an Image ✨💕

Image 1

The Path of Clarity

Reading:

You stand at a crossroads, your intuition pulling you in one direction while your mind tries to map out all the "what-ifs." The decision ahead is clear but you might be hesitating, unsure of the steps to take. Trust that clarity is on its way. Sometimes the most difficult decisions are the ones that bring the most profound growth. Take a deep breath and allow the answer to surface within you. The right path is the one that feels aligned with your core values and your authentic self.

Affirmation:

"I trust my intuition to guide me toward the right decision. Clarity is unfolding within me."

What is one thing you feel uncertain about right now, and how are you navigating that uncertainty?

Image 2

The Path of Patience

Reading:

The journey you’re about to embark on requires more patience than you anticipated. The decision before you is not one that needs to be rushed, but one that requires time to unfold. Trust the process and allow things to evolve naturally. You may not have all the answers today, and that's okay. Sometimes, waiting is an act of wisdom. Take time to observe, reflect, and let the right decision come to you with clarity and confidence.

Affirmation:

"I honor the pace of my journey. I trust that everything will unfold at the perfect time."

How do you practice patience in your decision-making process? Do you prefer to act quickly, or do you wait for things to feel right?

Image 3

The Path of Courage

Reading:

A sense of fear might be holding you back from making your next big decision, but remember that courage is not the absence of fear—it’s the willingness to move forward despite it. This moment calls for you to take a leap of faith, to trust that you are supported in ways you may not fully see yet. The risk is great, but so is the reward. Step forward boldly; the universe is ready to catch you.

Affirmation:

"I am courageous and capable of making bold decisions. I trust that I am supported in every step I take."

What fear do you need to overcome in order to move forward with your decision? How do you stay brave in the face of uncertainty?

Image 4

The Path of Wisdom

Reading:

Your next big decision isn’t just about what feels good right now—it’s about aligning with your long-term vision. You have the wisdom to know what is in your best interest. Trust your experience, and let your past lessons guide you. The path ahead may look challenging, but you are more equipped than you realize. This is the moment to trust your inner wisdom and make a choice that honors your true potential.

Affirmation:

"I am guided by my inner wisdom. I trust that the best decision for my growth will reveal itself."

What past experiences have shaped your decision-making process? How do you draw from your personal wisdom when faced with tough choices?

[soulofapatrick]

Sheltered by Love - Evan Buckley x Male Reader

Summary: You still have nightmares months after Buck died and came back from the lighting strike

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: none really

Y/N's POV

As the storm rumbled outside, the firehouse seemed to vibrate with each distant boom of thunder. In the dimly lit bunkroom, the rhythmic breathing of sleeping firefighters fills the air, the B shift getting as much rest as they can before they’re needed. I’m only among them as Bobby, Captain of the 118, sent me to try and get some sleep before the next call so I had settled into a restless nap, exhaustion finally catching up with me after a long shift.

But as the storm intensified, my dreams twist into something far more sinister. I found yourself standing in the midst of chaos, surrounded by flashing lights and deafening sirens. And there, at the centre of it all, was Buck—his vibrant smile replaced by a look of shock as a bolt of lightning strikes him down again. 

The jolt of waking up is abrupt as the lighting strikes Buck, my heart hammering in my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins as the memory of the vision lingers, haunting me. With trembling hands, I push myself upright in the cot, sweat-soaked sheets clinging to my skin. Ignoring the fatigue that weighs heavy on my limbs, I’m stumbling out the bunkroom, feet fumbling against the cool floor in my boots. The storm outside mirrors the turmoil within me, each clap of thunder echoing the panic rising in my chest. 

The firehouse feels like a labyrinth as I stumble through its corridors, my heart pounding in my chest with each step. The storm outside seems to intensify, matching the turmoil within me, as if nature itself is reflecting my inner chaos. Hen finds me first, her presence a grounding force in the midst of my panic. 

She presses a gentle hand to my forehead, concern etched in her features as she tries to coax me back to bed. But I can't relent, not when the memory of Buck's vulnerable form still lingers in my mind, haunting me with its stark reality. I struggle against her, my voice trembling as I insist that I need to find Buck.

Embarrassing tears sting my eyes as I plead with her, my desperation laid bare for all to see. Hen's expression softens, understanding dawning in her eyes as she realises the depth of my fear. With a comforting touch, she leads me up the stairs to the kitchen area where Buck and Eddie are seated in the two armchairs, deep in conversation.

Relief floods through me at the sight of Buck, his presence a balm to my frayed nerves. But as I approach, my steps falter, uncertainty gnawing at my resolve. Will he understand the depth of my fear, the way his near miss has shaken me to the core? 

Hen's reassuring hand on my shoulder is all the encouragement I need. With a shaky breath, I step forward, my eyes meeting Buck's with a mixture of relief and vulnerability.

“B-Buck," I manage, my voice barely above a whisper. He looks up from his conversation with Eddie, concern furrowing his brow as he takes in my disheveled appearance.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asks, his voice gentle but filled with genuine concern.

As I stand before Buck, my heart racing with a mixture of fear and longing, he reaches out with a gentle yet firm hand, pulling me down onto his lap. The suddenness of the movement catches me off guard, but before I can protest or even react, I find myself cradled against his chest, his warmth enveloping me like a protective cocoon.

His concerned gaze meets mine, brows furrowed in genuine worry as he takes in my disheveled appearance. "Hey, what's going on?" His voice is soft, filled with a tenderness that sends a shiver down my spine as he asks again.

I struggle to find my voice, to articulate the jumble of emotions swirling within me. But as I gaze into his eyes, the words seem to evaporate, leaving only a raw vulnerability in their wake. Without waiting for a response, Buck wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer as if sensing the depths of my turmoil. I sink against him, my body moulded to his like pieces of a puzzle fitting seamlessly together.

The warmth of his embrace seeps into my bones, banishing the chill of uncertainty that had gripped me moments before. My palm instinctively presses against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips. In that intimate moment, there's no room for pretence or hesitation. It's just Buck and me, united in our shared vulnerability, our unspoken desires simmering beneath the surface. 

And as he rubs soothing circles on my back, I can't help but wonder if he feels the same magnetic pull that I do, the unspoken connection that binds us together in moments of crisis. 

"The lightning," I choke out, the words tumbling from my lips in a rush, my voice barely above a whisper. Buck's surprised sound sends a jolt of embarrassment through me, amplified by Eddie's studious gaze. I bury my face in the crook of Buck's neck, wishing I could disappear into the safety of his embrace.But instead of recoiling, Buck covers the hand pressed against his chest with his own, pressing it firmer against his heartbeat. The gesture is both comforting and intimate, sending a shiver down my spine as I feel the warmth of his touch seep into my skin.

Eddie clears his throat, breaking the tense silence that hangs between us. "I, uh, think I left something in the truck," he says hastily, his eyes flickering between Buck and me. "Hen, want to give me a hand?” 

Hen nods, shooting me a sympathetic glance before following Eddie out of the room. Alone at last, Buck turns his attention back to me, his expression soft with concern and something more. 

With gentle hands, he manoeuvres me until I'm straddling his waist, his warmth seeping into every fibre of my being. His touch is electric, sending sparks dancing across my skin as his thumb soothes over my cheek. 

Every instinct in me screams to hide, to retreat into the safety of my own thoughts and emotions. But as I feel Buck's steady gaze on me, a flicker of determination ignites within me. I force myself to meet his eyes, willing him to see the depth of my feelings, the longing that simmers beneath the surface.

And as if sensing my silent plea, Buck moves his fingers to hook under my chin, drawing me closer until our lips are just inches apart. The anticipation crackles in the air between us, palpable and electric, as he leans in to capture my lips in a soft, tentative kiss. 

In that moment, everything falls into place. The warmth of his embrace, the tender caress of his lips against mine—it all feels so right, so achingly familiar. And as we melt into each other, the outside world fades into insignificance, leaving only the two of us, bound together by an unspoken promise of love and understanding.

As we pull away from the kiss, our hearts beating as one, Buck's arms wrap around me in a tight, protective embrace. The warmth of his body against mine sends a shiver of contentment down my spine, and I find myself melting into his embrace, lost in the comfort of his touch.

"I'm here," he murmurs against my ear, his breath warm and soothing against my skin. "I'll always be here for you.” His words are like a lifeline in the storm, grounding me in the present moment and banishing the ghosts of doubt that still linger in the corners of my mind. With him, I feel safe, cherished, and wholly loved. 

As the thunder continues to rumble outside, a symphony of nature's fury, Buck's presence is the calm at the centre of the storm. He holds me close, rocking me gently in his arms, the rhythm of his movements a lullaby that soothes me back into the gentle embrace of sleep. With each sway, each comforting murmur, I feel myself drifting further and further into a blissful oblivion, the worries of the world fading away until there is nothing left but the two of us, bound together by an unspoken promise of love and understanding.

And as I finally succumb to the embrace of sleep, cradled in Buck's arms, I know that no matter what challenges may lie ahead, we'll face them together, hand in hand, hearts entwined in a love that knows no bounds. 

911 Masterlist TAG LIST - updated 21st Dec 2023

[deesseshesca]

PAC : How can you appreciate your body ?

I want to give you a hug ...

Good evening pretty soul ! I am so excited ... IS OFFICIALLY KINKTOBER ! DAY : 13-14

You want to have a sneak peak into my readings (for 2.22$), you can join my Chérie d'Amour (soul tribe)

SEX Doula =SALE READING

PILE 1

To appreciate your body more, begin by recognizing that the discomfort or doubts you're feeling are temporary. You’re not stuck, and by embracing the natural changes that come with life, you can start to see yourself with fresh eyes.

Use your inner wisdom to see through the insecurities that cloud your view. You’re sharp, perceptive, and capable of cutting through negative thoughts. Just as you respect your mind, show the same respect to your body. It deserves appreciation for its strength and uniqueness.

The habits or thoughts that have held you back are loosening their grip. This is your chance to free yourself from those old patterns, to accept your body in a way that liberates you. When you let go of that baggage, you’ll create space for something new—a healthy and loving connection with yourself.

Someone is about to enter your life, and this new relationship will reflect the love and acceptance you’re starting to cultivate within yourself. By embracing your body, you're preparing yourself for the affection and admiration that are headed your way.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

PILE 2

To truly appreciate your body, start by giving yourself the kindness and care you deserve. You’ve likely been giving so much of yourself, but it's important to receive that love, too. This means recognizing your worth and treating yourself with the same generosity you give to others.

Right now, you’re holding on to past trauma, and it’s keeping you stuck. The trust issues you carry are impacting your relationship, but they come from old wounds, not from what’s happening in the present. Accusing your partner of things without proof isn’t helping; it’s only creating distance. You’ve been through a lot, and it's understandable that trust is hard for you, but by holding on to those fears, you're adding weight to the relationship that isn’t necessary.

You’re nurturing and strong, but it's important to nurture yourself, too. Give yourself permission to release the need for control or suspicion. When you stop letting your fears guide you, you’ll notice how much lighter things become. Your partner has shown you that they’re not doing the things you're afraid of, but until you trust yourself and the love in your relationship, these fears will keep resurfacing.

It’s time to slow down, reflect, and understand that your partner isn’t your past. The more you focus on healing and trusting, the more your relationship will thrive. By appreciating your body, you'll start to ground yourself in the present, letting go of those old habits that are no longer serving you. This will give both you and your partner the space to grow and love each other in a healthier way.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

PILE 3

Okay, here’s the deal: to appreciate your body more, you need to stop thinking you're stuck in a cycle of feeling bad about it. That feeling? It’s temporary. Your body is always changing, and so can your thoughts about it.

You’re smart, and you know better than to keep being hard on yourself. It’s time to see your body the way you see your mind—strong and worth respecting. Don’t let your own negative thoughts drag you down.

Those old habits that made you doubt yourself? They're starting to fade. You're ready to let go of them and embrace your body for the amazing thing it is.

Once you do that, things will start falling into place. The universe has good things in store for you, but you need to clear out the doubts first. And guess what? There’s someone great coming into your life soon. By loving and accepting your body now, you’re making space for all the good things waiting for you.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

[deminetly]

GUIDE TO KEEPING AN INNER WORLD JOURNAL

. . .

WHAT EVEN IS AN INNER WORLD JOURNAL?

an inner world journal is a visual way to document your inner world by (mostly) drawing

WHAT CAN YOU ADD IN AN INNER WORLD JOURNAL?

your emotions/moods/personalities as characters that you design and how they react to different situations, landscapes that represent something meaningful to you

WHY KEEP ONE?

to express yourself in a way that doesnt feel too deep or vunerable, to document your life, to improve your drawing skills, to reflect on your life and situations in a fun way, better alternative if you dont enjoy writing, its super fun!!

HOW TO START ONE?

try to list your most frequently felt emotions/ personalities (examples: artist, alien, fear, whimsical fairy) and draw them as characters (tip: dont make them too complicated since it might be annoying to draw them multiple times)

act as if the journal is a portal into your world (mind and soul) you can design the cover as a door, the first page can be the entrance design as many characters and landscapes as you want add places like the kingdom of ideas

PAGE IDEAS

multiple different characters having a conversation what are they talking about: how do they feel about it? why?

how each character reacts to different events that happen in your life

rooms/posessions of different characters

how you could take better care of each character/help them

(example: helping fear get over its fears)

how the characters get along with each other

list all of your desires and draw a land with all of them in it and call it the land of my dreams

EXAMPLES OF HOW PAGES CAN LOOK LIKE

[wildernessworship]

A lot of attention was (rightly!) paid to the couple of times Lottie smiled in the s3 finale because it was très sexy and diabolique. But I was equally taken with how often she just looked fucking miserable, which I think reflects a deeply conflicted relationship with the Wilderness.

The Wilderness visits Lottie's dreams, appearing to her in a physical manifestation, seemingly for the first time. She opens her arms wide in a praying posture, falls to her knees, essentially subsuming herself to Its will. But she is not a happy little acolyte. Her eyes are teary, and she's screaming, face twisted with fury. She kneels before her god and absolutely rages at It. 

There was clearly nothing restful about her slumber, because she looks like she might drop dead in the morning. Their animal food source, struck down. The Wilderness is unhappy. It wants blood again. Their blood, a sacrifice. Lottie suggests another hunt. If she's fortunate, It will choose her.

When Akilah confronts her in the cave, Lottie says, "This place is in us now." But she's not glad for it. She looks heartbroken and resigned. Akilah, who poisoned the animals she loved, rock in hand and ready to kill again, proves the point. It's in her. It's in all of them, and it's too late. Lottie turns her back and kneels to the ground, an open invitation for Akilah's rock. "Even if we go home, It will come with us."

Soon after, Mari bumps into her, and Lottie almost sounds hopeful when she says, "You could let it be different." Mari, once an enthusiastic follower of the Wilderness, but not a true believer. A too cryptic warning, and Mari blows it off, falling into the pit, into death. Lottie gazes deep into an eye of tree bark, looking downright haunted. She touches a hand to it. A reminder that the Wilderness is watching, always.

Before they feast, the group adorns Shauna. Lottie stands close by, antler crown with shawl in hand. When Shauna is crowned, the image of the Wilderness in Lottie's mind will become embodied, no longer just a dream but a reality. She looks on at this transformation, not with joy but a reverent sadness. It's like staring straight into the earth. Straight into a grave.

Then, the morning after she ate her friend at the behest of a hungry god. The hangover. Lottie, zoned the fuck out, looking positively corpselike. It's the last clear shot we see of her face for the season.

The show doesn't give a lot of insight into Lottie's inner world and connection with the Wilderness, especially in s3, but her face tells a story, and it suggests a great deal of inner conflict roiling under the surface.

She may be the only true believer in the Wilderness, but she's not necessarily a happy believer. However much she loves the Wilderness for setting her free and providing for her team, she also hates It for what It takes from them, and fears what It will do if they don't keep It satisfied.

[p3achyxdoll]

Ensnared by His Words

"That's it. Eyes closed, brain off, all mine," the hypnotist says, finger lightly stroking your forehead. "Feels so peaceful, doesn't it? Feels so safe. Feels so addictive. You can't get enough of my voice or me.

"You can't escape it, so accept it. I'm in your dreams, your thoughts, your body.

"When your little pussy clenches and leaks, those are my hands playing with you. Phantom hands that hold your mind, body, and soul in its palm."

You feel the control he weaves over you. The waves of pleasure that course your body at every syllable. Every hypnotic dip in tone.

His voice.

God, how voice is everything

And you are nothing.

Because without his words, you feel like you would disappear into the blackness. They tethered you to purpose. To pleasure. To joy.

Without him – his hold over you – you'd be lost in darkness, unable to find your way back to self.

But even that isn't scary, isn't something to fear.

His words are a system of knots so deliberate and refined that each loop, each coil, had become its own language – an intimate procession of not just your flesh, but thought, too.

"That's it, tighter and tighter. Deeper and deeper. My words are pleasure. Your obedience is pleasure.

"Give in. There's nothing left for you out there. In here, you're safe. You're mine."

The rope begins at your wrists, spiraling with tension across your forearms.

Word after word.

You can't move.

You don't want to move.

"Give me everything," he murmurs.

The strands are smooth but firm, their pull not painful, only precise.

From the arms, the rope fans across the shoulders and chest in a harness that both restrains and accentuates.

You hear his voice but nothing else. A timbre smooth as honey, and as sticky, that lulls you deeper and deeper into his thrall.

"A treasured plaything is to be decorated. Even in its cage."

Then the binds descend in a lattice, crossing the stomach and hips in diamond-shaped weaves, tightening slightly with breath, syncing to the strokes *his* fingers lay on your forehead.

Again and again.

Each knot is a point of focus, a reminder. Not just of stillness, but surrender. Submission. Each knot takes away another piece of you.

Your name.

Your opinions.

The way you like to be touched.

You.

And it doesn’t stop at the body.

From the base of the spine, the rope rises again – not physically, but real all the same – wrapping around the mind.

It binds through your anticipation, steals the edge of your awareness, and pushes that beyond the darkness.

Your thoughts spiral like the rope itself for a moment, looping in tandem with the coils.

Maybe you think you can outrun it or push it away.

But as the rope tightens around who you were, it begins to unravel more than just muscle and movement. It erases the ego, strand by strand.

Each knot now acts like a key, unlocking who you once were.

One lock at a time is broken through, until identity, pride, jealousy, and the endless inner monologue fade into silence.

There’s no need to perform, to decide, to be anything. Put down your mask. Set aside your petty dreams.

In their place, a hollowing, a soft emptying, a clearing of space where the mind can rest, weightless and obedient, occurs.

Replaced by him.

His words.

"There's nothing left but me," he whispers to you.

His voice.

His desires.

His opinions.

His hopes for your future.

Him.

And when he is done, you are a living map of desire and surrender, molded by his will.

Your body and mind are sculpted perfection, a reflection of his ideal little plaything.

[olxvvxa]

unspoken flames pt. II | joost klein x f!reader

part I

✦ wc: 3.2 k

✦ warnings: rpf!, angst, crying, nudity but nothing really descriptive, two fools finally sorting their shit out

✦ summary: no contact with Joost for weeks broke your heart. but maybe not all is lost?

✦ an: i had to use my inspiration and free time, so i guess it went pretty quickly lmao, enjoy <3

that night, when Joost closed the door to your apartment behind him, something inside you broke. maybe it was your heart, or maybe it was just your inner self that was torn in half after the blonde took a part of you with him, a part you couldn’t get back. that night, you didn’t sleep a wink. not the next night, nor the one after that.

the quiet sobs were the only thing that could be heard from your lips, as if all the pain you had been holding in finally found its release. the tears, which seemed endless, were only an attempt at relief that never came. you felt empty, alone, and yet, as if you had no right to feel this way, as if you were deceiving yourself.

Joost didn’t say a word. days passed and you sat in your silence, which was like an endless abyss. somewhere deep in your soul, you held a quiet hope that maybe he had changed his mind, that he regretted it. naively, you waited for even a single message, a single word. just one sign that you weren’t alone in this. but nothing came. the phone stayed silent and Joost seemed to have vanished.

it was pure torture. every corner of your apartment reminded you of your shared moments, as if every object, every detail, was a witness to your presence. no matter where you looked, in your mind’s eye, you only saw him - his smile, his gaze, his touch. in every silence, his laugh echoed, in every corner of the apartment, you still felt the warmth of his presence.

your thoughts kept returning to him, even though you tried to push them away. you kept searching for him, though you knew he wasn’t around anymore. every attempt to forget became harder, and with each moment you gazed at the empty spot where he used to be, your heart broke even more.

sitting curled up on the windowsill in the living room, you watched the crowded street outside. the world beyond the glass seemed to live to its own rhythm, completely oblivious to the storm inside you. people walked past each other, talking, laughing, but you felt completely disconnected from all of it.

five weeks had passed since that fateful night. five weeks with no contact. it hurt a little less now, but it still hurt too much. you still felt like you were standing still, stuck in a deadlock where each day was just a reflection of the one before.

the world moved forward as if nothing had happened, while you remained in place, trying to accept that nothing would ever be the same. from the flood of thoughts that once again began to gather above you like dark clouds, you were pulled by the sound of an incoming notification. before you could react, your heart skipped a beat. you reached for your phone nearby and tapped the notification that had popped up. as you saw the message, your heart instantly sank in your chest.

Joost: we need to talk.

one short sentence that in that moment turned your world upside down. you immediately felt a wave of emotions crash over you - fear, anger, sadness, and maybe even hope, though you weren't sure if you should trust it.

you flipped your phone in your hands, feeling the weight of the decision that now stood before you. your mind was swirling with conflicting thoughts. you knew you couldn’t ignore him. after everything, after he’d kept you in uncertainty for so long, you couldn’t just leave this without an explanation.

why now? why so suddenly? those were the questions you couldn’t come up with a reasonable answer to. so much had changed in the weeks that had passed, and though you tried to keep your emotions in check, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something inside you had died. maybe it was the end, maybe not, but what had happened would stay with you forever.

could "what was meant to be" still exist after all of this? you took a deep breath, closing your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts. you felt the unease in your body growing, as if waiting for something that couldn’t be stopped anymore.

me: where and when?

sending the message took you barely a second, but it felt like time slowed down in your head. the phone stayed in your hand, and you stared at the screen, waiting for a reply. each second dragged on endlessly, as if the world was deliberately holding its breath, playing with your patience. after a moment, the screen lit up with a notification, and you quickly read the message.

Joost: my place in an hour, i’ll be waiting.

the words were simple, almost devoid of emotion. you stared at the text, analyzing it as if your life depended on it. i'll be waiting. those words echoed in your mind.

without further hesitation, you stood up and decided to prepare. your movements were automatic, almost mechanical, as if your body had taken control of your mind. you opened the closet and began sifting through your clothes, trying to pick something appropriate - something that wouldn’t betray the chaos inside you but also wouldn’t look too indifferent. every little detail, every decision seemed bigger than it really was.

you were afraid of this meeting. part of you - the hurt and disappointed part - would have preferred Joost to remain a memory, distant and unreal. but there was also the other part, the more stubborn and emotional one, still yearning for his voice, for the way he looked at you, as if he saw something in you that you couldn’t see yourself. it was that part of you that pushed you forward, forcing you to grab a jacket from the closet and reach for the keys.

the walk to his apartment passed unusually quickly, almost too quickly, as if time was mocking you, shortening every second you could have used to gather your thoughts. the cold evening air wrapping around you didn’t help much either. your hands were damp with nerves, and your heart was pounding so loudly that you feared someone on the street might hear it.

you tried to organize your thoughts, the words you wanted to say, but instead, your mind kept circling around what could have happened.

before you knew it, you were already standing in front of his door. you stared at the gleaming number 12 hanging on the door, one you’d seen so many times before. you felt your hands tremble slightly, and your chest rose unevenly with every difficult breath. you slowly raised your hand, ready to knock. a thousand thoughts raced through your mind - what if he wasn’t alone? what if this meeting ended in even more pain?

finally, your knuckles met the wood, making a soft, almost shy sound. for a moment, the silence seemed to stretch on endlessly before you heard footsteps approaching from inside. your heart rose to your throat.

the door opened hesitantly. and then you saw him. he stood there, dressed in simple gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. his messy hair seemed to stick up in every direction. his face looked tired, and his eyes held a shadow you hadn’t seen before. he looked the same, yet somehow, he seemed like a completely different person standing before you.

for a moment, neither of you spoke. you stared at each other, and the air between you was so thick, you almost felt like you could touch it. you didn’t know what to say. every word you’d prepared in your mind had suddenly evaporated.

“hey” he said finally, his voice quiet, barely audible.

“hi” you replied just as softly, feeling your mind suddenly abandon you.

his gaze drifted across your face, as if trying to read what was going on in your head. for a moment, it seemed like he wanted to say something, but for some reason, he remained silent, stepping back to give you room to enter.

“will you come in?” he asked, finally making a step back to let you inside.

without a word, you timidly stepped through the threshold, your movements slow and cautious, as if walking on thin ice. under the watchful gaze of the blonde, you took off your shoes, trying to control the trembling of your hands that started to betray you. you hung your coat on the hook, making an effort to avoid his gaze, which seemed to pierce right through you.

the atmosphere between you was strange, uncertain. the silence that settled was almost palpable and you had the feeling that every word or movement of yours could break it in the worst possible way.

when Joost moved toward the kitchen, you turned to him and almost instinctively followed. entering the room, you noticed how the blonde leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. he looked thoughtful, yet tense, as if he didn't know what to do next.

"anything to drink?" he suddenly asked, his voice cutting through the silence, but it sounded surprisingly calm, even though you could still see the shadow of uncertainty in his eyes.

"no, thank you, i'm not in the mood" you replied politely, trying to sound neutral "i don't want to impose."

Joost looked at you, and in his eyes, you could see a mix of disappointment. he fell silent for a moment, as if weighing every word he might say. his hands slowly dropped to the counter, and his breath became deeper, as if preparing himself for something important.

"y/n, you know you don't have to feel like that… you don't have to be afraid of imposing" he finally answered, his voice softer than before.

"Joost, you know, sometimes what you say is easier than what i feel" you replied, your voice trembling in your mouth. you looked him in the eyes, but you couldn’t hold his gaze for more than a moment.

the man slowly began to approach you, until your chests were separated by only millimeters. his hand gently caressed your cheek.

you could feel your whole body tense in that moment, as if Joost's approaching touch had the power to break everything. his presence had something that still drew you in, something that made it impossible for you to pull away.

"y/n…" his voice was barely audible, as if he was trying to find the right words "i… i didn't know what to do. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything i've done and for what i haven't done. for hurting you. for leaving you when you needed me the most. i know it's not enough, i know it can't fix what happened, but…"

he paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. in your mind, there was emptiness, as if each word he spoke was some kind of spell that took away your ability to think clearly.

"i don't know how to fix what i broke, but i promise you one thing – you won't have to go through this alone. i want to be with you, y/n. i'll do anything to fix this, if you'll just let me. if you’ll let me back in."

you found yourself at a standstill. part of you wanted to throw yourself into his arms, to feel like everything was returning to normal, but the other part still feared trusting him again, afraid that you’d be hurt once more.

"Joost, you left me" you began, feeling a surge of sudden sorrow and anger rising within you "you fucking left me!"

Joost stood frozen, his hand slowly dropping from your cheek as if every syllable of your words was a blow that pierced straight into his heart. his lips pressed into a thin line of helplessness.

"i never wanted to leave you" he said, his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions "i never wanted to hurt you. i just… i just needed to find a way to understand what was happening. you know how much you mean to me…" he paused, as if unable to finish, as though every word he spoke felt too small to carry the weight of what he truly felt.

"mean something to you?!" you shouted directly into his face, unable to keep your emotions in check any longer "if i meant anything to you, you wouldn’t have left me hanging for five fucking weeks without a single word!" you stopped, feeling your heart break all over again "you just disappeared, like we were nothing… like i was nothing."

Joost clenched his fists, his eyes filled with turmoil, never leaving yours. his face inched dangerously close to yours, but you knew you couldn’t let yourself falter. with a swift motion, you stormed toward the door, desperate to escape the pointless torment of this confrontation.

before you could reach the handle, he moved in an instant, his body blocking the exit as he positioned himself in front of the door.

"i won’t let you run away" he said, his voice trembling "you’re not going to make the same mistake i did."

you looked at him, feeling anger and pain begin to mix with something else - maybe fear, maybe the desire to understand what really happened. but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. not now.

“Joost, move the hell out of the way!”

his eyes narrowed, as if the words you spoke were a blow that landed straight in his chest. he stood there for a moment, analyzing you, and you felt a wave of frustration building inside you.

“y/n, stop” he said quietly, but his voice carried something that sounded like desperation “i won’t let you leave, not without talking. we need to sort this out.”

“just move!” you shouted, unable to contain your emotions. you shut your eyes, trying to calm the rising ache in your chest.

“stay, i’m begging you…” his voice broke suddenly.

Joost grabbed you by the waist, and you felt his body suddenly sink down in front of you.

you stood there, staring at him, feeling his hands tighten around your hips. his breathing was quick, uneven, and his eyes, filled with boundless desperation, looked at you as if pleading for forgiveness, for something he couldn’t find within himself.

you felt as though the entire world had stopped around you. you stood frozen, uncertain and disoriented, with Joost kneeling before you, his face buried against your waist like he was seeking refuge. you held your breath, afraid he might vanish in an instant. your hands reached for his chin, forcing him to look at you.

“Joost…” you whispered his name, barely audible, feeling your hand tremble “what happened to us?”

you knelt beside him, feeling your heart pounding harder and your entire body shaking with emotion. without words, without thinking, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling his body close to yours. you wanted to feel him, to close the distance, even though every part of you screamed to run away. his warmth seeped through your arms.

he pulled you closer and your heart nearly stopped when you felt his body shaking in your embrace. then, in the quiet space around you, came a muffled sob, stifled against your chest. it was a sound that filled your mind, shaking you in a way you hadn’t expected.

you felt his body reacting to the pain he must have carried for weeks, as every tear fell down his cheeks, despite his attempts to hide them. you heard that sound, a raw reminder of how deeply hurt both of you were.

Joost finally lifted his tear-streaked face, and something inside you broke again that night. you knew that pain, you knew that emptiness, but seeing him like this now, seeing his face covered in tears, made you feel like something was shifting. maybe, despite all the hurt you’d both endured, there was still a chance to fix this.

“i love you” you heard his gentle voice, and for a moment, your heart stopped beating “i’m an idiot for realizing it so late.”

those words hit you like a wave, flooding you with a relief. you felt the weight of the weeks filled with silence and misunderstandings suddenly lift off your shoulders. you couldn’t stop the tears that began streaming down your cheeks.

“why didn’t you say it earlier?” you managed to whisper, your voice barely holding steady.

“i was scared, y/n” he said, his gaze locking onto yours “i was scared i wasn’t the one you were looking for. i felt like i didn’t deserve to be the one to make you happy” his voice trembled “and then everything got complicated… and i pulled away because I was afraid my feelings might hurt you. and you know what’s the worst part? that all this time, instead of fighting, i just let my fear control me. and now i see that was the dumbest mistake of my life.”

instead of searching for a meaningful answer, you simply leaned in and pressed your lips to his. Joost froze for a moment, feeling the delicate connection as your lips met. despite all the words he had spoken just moments before, this was what you both had longed for. the kiss was filled with unease, but also relief.

when you pulled away, you stared at each other in silence, as though both of you were trying to comprehend what had just happened. Joost gazed into your eyes, then took a deep breath.

“thank you for doing that” he whispered, though it wasn’t clear if he meant the kiss or the fact that you had let him back into your world.

you didn’t reply. instead, you rested gently against him, as if trying to convey everything you felt without words. just silence and closeness - expressing more than any explanation could.

“how about a shower together?” you asked after a moment, feeling the need to wash away the weight of all the emotions you had been through.

Joost looked at you, surprised, but there was something in his eyes that revealed the suggestion wasn’t strange at all. it was exactly what you both needed.

“sounds perfect” he said quietly, his voice still trembling slightly as if he couldn’t quite believe you were here, together, after everything.

he stood up, extending a hand to help you. Joost’s grip was warm and steady as he guided you to your feet. when you both stepped into the bathroom, the soft light reflected off the gleaming tiles, creating an atmosphere of calm. he closed the door behind you, and the silence that followed was different from before. it wasn’t the heavy, tension-filled quiet - it was something that gave you both space to simply be together, to be yourselves.

without a word, he moved to the shower, adjusting the water to just the right temperature. every motion he made was careful, almost reverent, as if he was trying to understand what you were feeling without rushing you. at last, he turned to you with a gentle smile.

“do you want me to help you?” he asked softly, his tone patient and unpressuring, as though he understood that you needed to go at your own pace.

“yes, please…” you replied quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, as you felt your heart slowly settling back into its normal rhythm.

it was a moment where you could let go, where you didn’t have to think about everything that had happened before. just about the now - him, you, and what you had in this present moment. Joost moved with deliberate tenderness as he began to lift your shirt over your head. finally, his warm hands traveled to the button of your jeans, and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“it’s just me” his voice carried a soothing calm, grounding you in a way that reminded you you could trust him.

a moment later, you stood before him in nothing but your underwear, which soon joined the rest of your clothes on the floor. joost’s eyes roamed over you, filled with tenderness that made your breath hitch.

“please, don’t make me stand here naked by myself” you said with a small, playful smile.

Joost chuckled softly, the sound rich and warm, before starting to shed his own clothes. you watched him with curiosity, your gaze tracing the lines of his body. when he noticed your eyes on him, he paused momentarily, a faint hint of bashfulness flashing across his face before he offered you a soft smile. his body was marked with tattoos, each one telling a story, each one a piece of the man he was. you loved that about him - the way his tattoos painted a vivid picture of someone unapologetically himself.

without a word, he stepped closer, his hands finding their place on your hips. his touch was warm, steady. the sound of the water streaming from the shower filled the room, but it felt distant, merely a backdrop to the moment. every touch, every movement, was careful, infused with intimacy, as though the entire world had melted away, leaving only the two of you.

you stood face to face now, completely vulnerable, with no barriers between you. as you stepped into the shower together, the warm water immediately washed over your bodies, creating a small, intimate space where there was no need for words or explanations.

Joost positioned himself behind you, and you felt his hand gently glide across your shoulders, as if he wanted to shield you from the world. you closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the water and his touch calm your nerves. all the weight you'd been carrying for the past weeks slowly began to melt away. you felt his hands move across your body, massaging it, each movement lifting away the remnants of fear and pain.

“you don’t have to say anything” he whispered, pulling you closer, so you could feel his breath on your neck “i’m here, really.”

in that moment, you needed nothing more. just the warm water, the silence you shared, and the feeling that, despite everything, you had both found your way back to each other.

"i just wanna say one thing" you started, resting your head on his chest "i love you in a way that's hard to put into words."

[hoseoksluna]

APPROACH | jjk

pairing: yandere!jungkook x strategy!oc (feat. police officer!taehyung; nari)

genre: angst

rating: 18+

summary: due to his reasons, jungkook loses the will to live only to come across an approach that changes his life.

word count: 8.1k

pin | playlist

warnings: dark content not to be romanticized — physical violence, mentions of cum eating, trauma, ptsd, depression, mention of rape, lack of hygiene, bullying.

FORMAL WARNING: jeon jungkook written in this work is a figment of my imagination and does not reflect the living person and his family.

luna’s note: it's finally here. i can't believe i haven't posted in a month. i missed you so much. this is the fourth chapter of strategy, the series will have five in total. i hope you enjoy, my loves. let me know what you think. mwah <3

past chapters: STRATEGY ; SCHEME ; RUSE ; masterlist

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taglist | join here: @jjk7k, @tkslovechild, @euphoricmyth, @cinmmongirl, @ririkookiemonster,

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A silken wind breezes through, fluid with its brisk motive. Its weightless body penetrates the arcane, expansive silence hovering in the midst of the two people Jungkook cared about the most, drifting inside his skull through his nostrils. His muscles are so numb that he doesn’t realize he’s breathing in the fresh air until he unriddles the wind’s task. The fear’s teeth cease its gnawing at his soul, slinking out of his system with each swell of his lungs, and Jungkook senses himself to be getting rid of it in all entirety. The translucent helper sweeps his anxious thoughts about the little kitten clinging to his neck away, refreshing his mind enough to start thinking about how to protect her, and how to protect her fast. 

Everything about this moment is unpredictable. It reminds him of the times of when he was as little as the kitty, fearing his father’s hand, fearing his own childish logic, fearing his own shadow would get him in trouble. He feels as though he’s standing on the cusp of the portal that would bring him back to that world, belonging to his inner child, but something, as if by an invisible string, lacking any colors, prevents him from even taking a peek inside. 

He has to stay strong—an adult, a caretaker, a father. And he has to stay strong for Baby. Has to peel her off his neck and get her to a place of safety while he deals with the wrongdoing that affects her life as much as it affects him. He worries, however, that if he puts her down, he will lose her like he lost the two of his closest in one minute, that he won’t find her like he can’t find the warmth in the faces of those two he loved. 

There’s a challenge that darkens the rings around your irises, a pale petal’s flush coloring your cheeks from your restless sleep. For a split second, Jungkook wonders what this moment would’ve looked like, had you not carelessly dismissed him and taken that shower—had you instead shared the beauty of the newness with him by lazing around in your cold bed, but this is where a dead end splits his train of thought. Was it newness at all, the intercourse that happened? The blood and the tears, the gentleness and care he gave you, was it all real? Or was it a part of your plan, a strategy of some sort? 

His cock feels heavy in his pants, marred by your feminine sap that gives him the sense of utter filthiness. He came here to seek refuge, did he not? Cleanse himself of your stain, cleanse Baby off her old life, all caused by the block in his mind because of you. He came here out of the tenderness of his heart only to run into a bigger obstacle, wearing nothing but a flimsy robe and his life in your hand. 

Or so it seems. 

Jungkook doesn’t want it to be that way, and because of that reason he straightens his spine, his shoulders weightless due to the mercifulness of the spring wind. He shifts Baby in his hands, makes a bed for her on his palms, which he moves to his tailbone, hiding her from the ugliness upfront. 

Saliva gathers in his mouth, coaxing out his words. His need to stand up for himself, to bring an ivory tinge of clarity into this muddiness that you drew within this reality. And along with his saliva, bile rises in his esophagus, the inkling that his childhood is so close to him and yet so far away haunting him, prickling his skin. 

He hates this. 

His chin quivers, and he tightens his facial muscles in order to make it stop. To make the images of his father’s hand lifting in his direction die within this steady flow of the spring’s breath. He didn’t get in trouble. He didn’t do anything wrong. 

“I didn’t do any of those things,” he croaks out, his arms behind his back uncannily shaking. Baby squeaks, subduedly under the crooked roof of his fingers, but it feels as though she’s standing up for him, too, validating his words, supporting them, and it’s as overwhelming as it is unbelievable. 

Taehyung, the sculpture of eternal perturbation, cracks. He breaks out of the marble surface, his limbs moving and his features twisting. Anger seeps off of him, vividly and vigorously, and Jungkook knows that it’s boiling, about to splash him. 

But he doesn’t expect it to come so soon. 

In a blink, Taehyung leaves your aura of mischief, though his hands stay by his side. Jungkook is inclined to take a step back the more Taehyung draws close to him, the muscles on his shoulders tense and puffed up, resembling the ones on his friend’s body. They have more in common than they ever did before, and Taehyung has no idea. You made it so they both stand on the opposite side, and Jungkook hates you for it. 

And when Taehyung gets in his face, Jungkook realizes he never hated anything before. He always tolerated all the shit he’d been put through, accepting it, engraving it into his heart. The flesh never acted out, however. Meekness surrounded his soul for far too long, and something tells him that this is slowly but surely changing. 

A strange sensation constricts his breast. 

“Hyung,” he whispers, the name falling off his lips like his last weakness, but it doesn’t affect Taehyung in any way. Not even his following words. “She’s lying. Let me explain—”

“Explain what?” he spits in an undertone that reverberates through the room with its potency. Cold sweat runs down Jungkook’s spine, and he feels so defenseless that it’s drawing tears to his eyes. “You want to tell me how you fucked her? Shibal saekkiya, you want to provoke me enough to hit you? Hit my new junior before he starts his training next week? What’s that gonna look like?” 

Radio silence clutches Jungkook’s heart. The briskly wind quiets its song and his lungs take a minuscule breath, not nearly enough to support his system. And when he wants to take another one, he can’t. 

He can’t. 

Junior? 

Jungkook can’t breathe. 

And he can’t feel Taehyung’s long fingers gripping his shoulders. He can’t see him either, for a scenery of the dream that he abandoned in that bathroom along with his love sails across his sight. The police uniform, fitting his form just right. The lines of a phoenix upon his badge beneath a wreath of hibiscus, sitting rightfully on his breast. 

Rightfully? 

Nothing about that word feels honest. And what’s worse, as Jungkook’s lungs struggle to intake but a morsel of air, paradoxically the scent of that flower soaks his pores, filling his nostrils with its sweetened aroma. The tears escape, helplessly, despite the fact Jungkook is ashamed of them. 

The news hit him so drastically that he does the thing he was most afraid of—he puts Baby down, just to wipe his cheeks of the evidence of his weakness. And it’s not that he doesn’t care where she goes, it’s that he doesn’t have the capacity to focus on that right now. 

“You didn’t expect that, did you?” Taehyung taunts, withdrawing his hands from Jungkook’s body, taking a step back just to tilt his chin upward in a gesture of arrogance. “Imagine how I felt when I was so happy to bring the news to you last night, only to see your car at my girl’s house, only to find her running to me bleeding.” 

Something in Jungkook snaps. Perhaps it was due to the egocentric attitude, enfolding around him like his father’s tepid energy, or perhaps it was the mention of you that pumped fresh blood into his veins because despite his damp cheeks, the chain of feebleness that held him back this entire time is severed. 

And it’s that one look at you behind Taehyung’s shoulder that forces his body to act. All smug and delighted, with your arms crossed beneath your bare breasts, pleased with the aftermath of your evident strategy. Jungkook yearns with every particle of his being to ruin that. To erase that. To erase everything that’s been said and done in this room, within the bodies of those present. To take the sword and sit on the throne, overpower those who have overpowered him. 

And that’s why he fists Taehyung’s shirt. 

It takes the male by surprise. He softly grunts when Jungkook pushes him against the hard wood of the front door with all his strength, closing his eyes at the impact, the wind knocked out of him. And when he opens them and the glimmering morning light hits the doe nature of his pools, it’s Jungkook who’s now delighted by the speck of intimidation dotting those irises. Yes, that feels monumental—that feels right, that feels akin to the lines decorating his hands, telling his life story. 

This is his life. 

He should’ve been like this from the get go. With you, with Taehyung. Not being the partner walking beside you and him, but the boss who you and Taehyung walk by, compliant, under his thumb. He’s cognizant of something rising in him like a dense tide of a foreign essence that, after a bit of acknowledgement and the caress of a hand, feels like home. 

That gives him the faintest notion that it’s you and Taehyung who are in trouble now, that puts the words in his mouth to bring this unfair occurrence down once and for all.

“Do you honestly think that if I had raped her, she’d come to you and let you fuck her again?” Jungkook asks, his tone calm despite the tornado of quivering and swelling emotions within him. Then, to back up his claim, the memories of all the girls he had saved like ghosts line his vision, one by one, translucent little fairies coming to help him. “Are you that fucking dumb? Do you not remember what happened to the girls you saw me take care of? How they wouldn’t let me touch them even if I did it to pick them off the ground?” 

The conversation between the males is interrupted by a panicky female voice. A little bitch who has seen that there’s a crack in her pottery. 

“I-I—” you begin, running on empty to defend your call out, and Jungkook smirks at how pitiful you sound. “I needed him—”

Jungkook curtly shakes his head. Intervenes your pathetic little monologue that leads nowhere, just like he shall intervene your little meaningless existence. His own strategy forms in his brain as he tells you: “Shut the fuck up.” 

Taehyung blinks, but his eyes aren’t present. His eyes aren’t present when his arm swiftly lifts and his fist collides with Jungkook’s cheek, making him double over from the harsh, unexpected contact. That side of his face buzzes with an anguish he has experienced before and intimately so, the familiar taste of metal suffusing his mouth. His mind spins, the pressure of his childhood trauma consuming him from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, and Jungkook doesn’t know what to do. 

Like Taehyung, he freezes in time. Freezes in his trauma. 

Watches as his once so-called friend turns to you with a hunched, weary back. As those deadened eyes glide to yours. As you lessen in your stance, very much aware of how drastically your strategy backfired because something is seriously wrong. 

Jungkook watches as Taehyung asks you the most important question of this whole moment. 

“Is it true?” 

Your hands tremble, seemingly delicate upon first sight but poisonous in nature. The gun you’re still gripping rattles in a way that makes his teeth hurt, and your transparent fear should please him, but he no longer feels anything. Not when a hand has been lifted at him again, as if he were a little boy all over again. 

You stammer, trying to find your words, but Taehyung gazes at the weapon with a certain disapproval, halting your vocal pitifulness. 

“Why are you playing with that? Have you lost your mind?” he questions, his words firm enough to still your trembling, and like a deer in the headlights you look up at him, silent, exposed, embarrassed. “Do you think this is a toy? Do you think I am a toy?” 

Your tremble hangs over your chin, your eyes widening at the call-out. And for the briefest moment, Jungkook gets the impression that Taehyung is on his side. And it breaks the stony flesh off of his own, gives strength to his limbs, gives them the order to walk forward and lift his arm to Taehyung’s shoulder. 

His friend, his only companion—

Taehyung turns around, but Jungkook is not met with the warmth of his friend. 

He’s met with the sting of the gun, pressed against the center of his chest. 

“Don’t touch me,” he mutters, putting emphasis on the first word, and Jungkook’s eyes fill with a heavy, painful rush of tears. Abandoned, he is again. Alone, he shall be again. He doesn’t feel anything but that burning sensation over his eyes and Taehyung is but a hazy smudge before him, but he hears his words loud and clear, echoing in his headspace and around the place where his heart once was. “You’re gone. I don’t know you and I don’t ever want to see you again.” 

The gun moves from his chest, and Taehyung points it somewhere below at his feet. 

“Take the damn cat and leave.” 

Jungkook looks down. A soft orange smudge clings to his sneaker, oscillating, shivering. 

Baby never left him. 

The air outside is anything but at ease. The spring’s breath is fidgety, nervous to dry the tears spurting down onto Jungkook’s cheeks in troubled rivulets. His hands mimic its mood when he rummages in his pockets to find his only salvation. The rattling of the cigarettes inside the rectangle of his pack reminds him of the sound that made his teeth hurt hardly a while ago, and another set of tears advance on, its riverbeds splitting, creating pathways that reach the poor kitty finding its long lost comfort on his neck. 

How scared she must’ve been, being stuck in a foreign place charged with such violence for an extended period of time. It brings back the memory of how unwilling she was to leave his apartment, and Jungkook now figures that it was an omen. An omen he should’ve taken into account, regarded with much more importance than he did. 

He regrets it. He regrets… everything. 

The ash in his mouth returns, or maybe it’s just the taste of his cigarette. Jungkook takes a large puff until his lungs ache and then he exhales out the smoke into the cloudy canopy above. His ill-temper at the fate of his life, at the cosmos and the hiding stars is soft and muted, but it is there and he hopes that he poisons them all by the only instrument of death he ever owned, fragrant with the wholeness of his rotting self. 

His heart is broken. And crestfallen, he walks aimlessly. With Baby on his shoulder, the murmur of her snores calming his nervous system. With his thoughts running laps in his mind at full speed, clashing with the epitome of placidity resting on him, the smoke wafting from his mouth the connecting link that enables it to work. Not thoughts, not exactly, but rather images. Images of what you’ve done, images of what he’s done to you. The light and the dark, the only one that exists. The good and the bad—Jungkook wonders why there’s never been a golden mean between that. Why he stepped from one extreme to another without an ounce of mercy. Without an ounce of love, of kindness.

The night falls quickly, and Jungkook, too, falls quickly for his fantasies, in which you’re the innocent reader he liked so much in the library, your mind free from your egomaniacal schemes. A virgin unknown of life, of the male body and what it can bring to the unspoilt female one. The newness, the sweetness—yes, Jungkook pretends you didn’t steal his life, steal his friend, steal his own kindness and his heart while he ignores that all too familiar ache in his breast, which whispers to him that his pictures are lies.

Lies, lies, lies.

Brought back to his truthful surroundings, Jungkook is certain that it were her snores that led his feet to a no-name bathhouse, perched on the top of a duskily pink cliff, because he’s never been here before. The joint is small, a cube of a glossy onyx pigment with a window to the far right, dark and unlit, with an equally miniscule warm candlelight somewhere inside. No one seems to be present and the spot alone provides him with no feelings whatsoever, not even a faint sense of relief that he might possibly wash you off his body at last, but when Jungkook walks closer, he perceives that someone is really there.

A girl, with starless wine hair, napping.

Her spine is arched over the taupe wooden table, her scrunched cheek resting on the rough paper of a… sketchbook? Journal? There aren’t any drawings or words eternalized on the page, only the texture of her skin as she rests against it, a pair of black-rimmed glasses crooked on the bridge of her nose. Only the wavy cascade of her dimly bloodied hair, which oddly stirs something in the center of his chest. Her full mouth is parted, a steady rhythm of respiration drifting out, mingling with the evening wind meeting her, checking on her. The shadows from the room create bulbs of patterns on her smooth and serene face, and upon realizing that Jungkook can see those, his breast trembles before it is cut through as if with a sharp blade. 

He winces without meaning to, the razor-edged sensation growing bigger the more he inhales, and the noise travels to Baby’s sensitive ears, startling her from her deep slumber. He fails to understand why he’s reacting like that when he struggles to catch up with those comatose emotions, as if they were playing tag with him, having tapped him briefly before running off. He furrows his brows, sliding a hand down Baby’s spine, but his seemingly new eye can’t help but notice the shaft of light glinting on the brightest rolls of her hair. His body tells him to leave now and leave fast at that and his feet nearly swivel, nearly taking him somewhere else, but the kitten’s sudden hushed mewls are carried towards this girl’s ear this time around and she starts, head lifting, dazy eyes searching for the source of that sound. 

And her brown eyes mercifully melt at the sight of the small animal squeaking at his neck. 

“Oh, kitty!” she exclaims, the small opening of the window muffling the value of her quite sleepy excitement. She smiles dopily, a twinkle settling upon her iris beyond her glasses, and she fixes them, moving them upwards, the same hands smoothing down her wine hair. 

Blood hair. The kind of color that would be the only vibrant hue in a chiaroscuro within a canvas. 

His heart, or something resembling it, stops at that thought. And while he is something akin to mesmerized, he is flooded with a century of past memories. 

He hasn’t painted anything in years. Hasn’t seen his dirty, dried brushes, his tempera. His easel is still broken in spirit, its wood having been burned such a long time ago. His father never liked his hobby growing up, found no point in it because in his opinion it would never make money, it would never make a good name for the Jeon dynasty. 

Jungkook quivers, overwhelmed, but the pull towards the color of her hair remains. Lingers. Sticks. Like Baby to his neck. 

His legs are weak as she speaks, having fully awakened from the haze of her nap. 

“Would you like to try out our services?” she asks, as if she didn’t nap at all, and it’s like the memories didn’t hit him at all, so abruptly forgotten by the effect of her soft, flowery tone. And while he so quickly admits the thought of her being pretty, he admits another one as well—he likes how unapologetic she is about her sleepiness and the fact that she napped. A stray wave of her hair that separates from the rest darts before her eyes as she reaches for a chapstick, which bears the same wine color, and Jungkook watches with some kind of foreign awe. Watches as she moistures and colors her puffy lips with that dark tinge. As she grasps a hair clip next, a golden butterfly, and pushes away the weight of that scarlet tide from her slender neck. 

The wind blows, and Jungkook hears violins in it. 

With a bated breath, he readies himself to respond, but a man enters the room. A man who forces her spine to straighten uncomfortably, who forces her head to twist in his direction using his presence, who breaks the sound of the violins in his ears and who pours sedateness into the air. 

He, too, tenses after her. 

“I’m off,” the man grumbles, taking a stack of papers from a rack behind her while making the rest of them collapse onto the floor. The noise from it is devastating, and he notices how her face falls, and he’s sure her sparkle dims. She faces her empty notebook, a small swell of fat rounding her chin in a way that softens Jungkook. The man opens a drawer beside her, sighs, and shuts it with a bang that causes her to jump. Her reactions are invisible to him, but Jungkook sees them. It angers him, speeding up the flow of his blood. “If the cash register is as empty tomorrow as it is now, I’ll deal with you accordingly. And if you so much as think about locking up, trust me you don’t. I told you to wear shorter tops—” 

Jungkook takes a large step forward, bringing himself into the light, making himself seen, putting his more relaxed Baby in his pocket. Little does he know that he won’t ever leave this spot of leniency. 

The man changes like a chameleon. 

Bows. Smiles. Bows again. Politely greets him. Encourages him to visit his bathhouse and spend the night there as it’s late, praising his services like the businessman he thinks he is.

Jungkook tries his hardest not to roll his eyes. Then, a scheme, a different kind, uncoils over his mind, a set of mellow lies gusting past his mouth. Immediate, fast, kind, unselfish. For her; for himself.

“Not too sure about that,” he says in connection to his money-hungry praise, not a hint of the lies evident in his speech. He cups Baby’s head to let her know he’s still with her in case she squeaks again. “I’ve heard terrible things about this bathhouse, but good things about her. I’d think twice before speaking to her like that.” 

He’s astonished by the words that came out of him, and they curve his mouth into a genuine smile. The first genuine, feel-good smile in a long while. The girl’s mouth cracks as well, but she keeps her head low, still facing her notebook, the corner of her eye crinkling. Jungkook imagines sketching those, giving life to them by gently and lightly shading them.

There’s a staccato of a flabbergasted silence before the man begins to stammer, his whole rounded face turning a bright shade of red, not like hers. Never hers. No one has ever bore a shade like hers, and he doesn’t want to believe that anyone would. For a reason that baffles him. 

Jungkook doesn’t stick around to hear him flesh out a sentence. Turning around, he merely hides in a shadow nearby, wanting to return to her more than to the bathhouse itself. A huge efflux of dopamine absorbs him, absorbs the events that have happened in Taehyung’s apartment, swallowing them and essentially erasing their effect from Jungkook’s body. The canvas of the heavens plucks the violet tingle of a hydrangea bush before him, smearing it on itself, and Jungkook consumes it while he gazes at it, infatuated with the tender, vibrating feelings in his body that are good in their core, with this shift in his life—stars blinking their eyes open, casting light on a dark period of his fate. He pats Baby’s head, takes her out of his pocket, makes her see the pretty sky, and then the revving of a car brings him back to the girl in the window. 

But she is as crestfallen as he was before he saw her, and the table before her is empty, void of her notebook. 

“You came back,” she says, but Jungkook doesn’t detect any excitement in her energy that had enlivened him. She peeks at him once before facing the table again. He buzzes, but he also laments her loss, a wish to rekindle it curling in his gut. Her eyes are missing their starlight, and Jungkook thinks that maybe, if he still remembers how, he can draw it back on. 

“Where’s your notebook?” Jungkook asks, his curiosity authentic and saddened by the fact she had to hide it away because of her manager. He’s glad that he came at the right time, that the man didn’t see her sleeping. He doesn’t want to imagine the kind of treatment she would’ve gotten, had Baby not woken her up. Once again, the memory of his relationship with his father rises, interlinking with the relationship she has with the man. 

She doesn’t respond, however. The corners of her mouth do, though. 

They lower, creating a wrinkle. The smallest swell of fat, the kind one can’t help but to touch. Jungkook understands more from that wordless response than any normal, non-scarred person would, and he tucks his lip behind his teeth, letting an interlude of a sympathetic silence pass through, before he asks her for the price of their services. A couple of thousand wons, cash only—Jungkook nods, solemnly. And when he pulls out all the banknotes he has in wallet, which is more than she asks of him, and refuses to take it back, the hue of her tone at last changes, and an opaque spark finds a way to her eyes. 

“You didn’t have to really,” she says, softly, after placing the money into the cash register, speaking of the way he stepped in. Turns her eyes to him and deepens the stare instantly, as if she were trying to read something from his own irises. “It doesn’t matter what he or anyone else says or does, life can always change on its own. Like, he can have a stroke tomorrow.” She chuckles, the display of her teeth weakening some part of him, which takes in her words, accepts them, believes them. “Or I can just get up and leave. Leave this city and never see him again. Nothing matters because life is flexible.” 

Life is flexible. What would’ve happened, had Jungkook simply left the apartment after that accusation shot him dead in the chest? It is but a faint memory now, which ripples in his mind, causing him to wonder whether he truly lived through it. Baffled, he is all over again—by her, by the power of her words, by their bones that click into his. He could’ve left, it was his decision and it wasn’t chained down by anything. He can do anything. He can ruin your life back, or he doesn’t have to do anything at all. How freeing that is, how liberating. 

Because she has opened his weakness, because he feels like it and is liberated to do so, he tells her: “I really needed to hear that.” 

She nods, coyly, and smiles, mouthends downturned, those little balls of fat seizing him again. “I’m glad. I needed to hear it once, too. By the way, where’s your kitten?” 

Jungkook looks down at Baby leaning out of his pocket, her elbow propped on edge, her tiny head tilted up, watching the moving colors of the sky between the blinking dots of light. He coos, softened to a putty by that sight, and he’s sorry to disrupt her drowsy stargazing. Carefully, he pulls her out of his pocket, holding her by the loose skin on the back of her neck and simultaneously supporting her butt with his other hand as he shows her to the girl in a kind of an awkward way. 

And it’s the girl in the window who squeals now, jumping onto her feet and propping her forearms on the wood attached to it. Her eyes melt into a creamy texture of chocolate tints, rounding, then shift up to his own, and Jungkook can vividly see the way the richness of the flavor brews in them. And it brews him, too, causing him to swelter under his clothes, causing him to want to risk his life and do stupid things—only because she laughs and makes fun of him for holding Baby the way he is. 

And he laughs in tandem with her, quietly, enjoying the tang of positiveness upon this flexible spring night. Decides to heighten her joy by placing Baby on the wood, by letting her pet her, by letting her get to know her. Decides to risk his life and do stupid things. 

Baby sniffs her hand. Jungkook notes the blackened stain of graphite or charcoal on the belly of her index finger and he watches, with his interest piqued and provoked, with his hands deep in his pockets, and the resemblance of his heart recklessly and prematurely on his sleeve, the way Baby examines that smell of that art tool on her fingertip as the rest of the girl’s body melts and focuses on her. Gone are the times when his hands used to be dirty just the same, but they can be brought back and Jungkook wants them to be brought back and he can bring them back. 

He spent the last months and weeks trying to be a provider for you while failing to be a provider for himself, failing to make his own dream of becoming a police officer true. How foolish of him, how foolish of him to depend on another person to fulfill his wishes. But it’s gone, is it not? In this moment while the stars and the heavens are watching, their stomachs full with his misery and foolishness. 

The times have changed. The times are a bystander now, and he’s the king of himself. 

The girl plays chase with Baby using her artistic finger, and Jungkook comprehends that Baby trusts her more than she trusted you. If he remembers correctly, Baby didn’t even come near you whereas with her, she senses some kind of goodness in her that doesn’t rouse fear in her. 

Tears well in Jungkook’s eyes, and suddenly he wants to know her name. The name of a girl Baby isn’t afraid of. 

And once he gathers the courage to ask her, the words are hurtled out of him at the same time hers are, overlapping each other in a way that incites a mutual laughter. He asks about her name while she asks for Baby’s.

Not his. A vein of feeble sadness streaks through him, the passionate kind, the fiery kind that longs for her to care about him more than his pet. 

“Nari,” she reveals, and the flesh in his breast pulses twice before it re-learns its old beating rhythm, its song coursing through the pathways of his veins, carrying the echoes of violins, the murmurings of hydrangeas and… lilies. The meaning of her name. 

Jungkook smiles, the same thread of coyness from her demeanor hanging loosely over his bones. “Nari, that’s a pretty name,” he says, catching a miniscule smile of her own as she continues to play with Baby, swirling her finger in her face, watching as her entire head moves with her movement. “Her name is Baby.” 

That breaks her attention linked to the kitten and she straightens, faces him with a parted mouth divulging her shock and her evident softness from that name. Jungkook’s smile deepens, finding pleasure in her pleasure and the way she seems to be affected by anything remotely cute. 

“Baby? Why Baby?” she questions, but he somehow knows, feels that her curiosity is benevolent and not coming from a place of judgement. He gets the impression that whenever she comes across something new and something she hasn't touched, smelled or heard, she yearns and willfully demands to know the ins and the outs of that thing, like a child becoming aware of the world around her. 

He likes it, but the matter of her name is a sensitive one, and telling her would mean unlocking a certain drawer in him that he doesn’t want opened right now. He doesn’t want to search for the key, get hit with the dust and familiarize himself with the pain all over again. And from the encounter he has with you so far, he’s been taught that he doesn’t owe anyone anything. 

And just like you, he dwells in a brief silence, refusing to respond. Steps closer towards the window. Pulls one hand out of his pocket, the one rounded out from Baby’s body, and he caresses the lower part of her spine, patting her bum. Nari observes him, thoughtfully, and he finds that he likes that as well, a coat of delight scattering bumps across his skin beneath his jumper. 

“And yours?” she questions again, her voice sultrier, and the fire in him gains intensity. He feels like a fragment of a child himself, getting what he so brattily longed for. His cheek muscles hurt from the depth of his smile, but he can’t fight it and neither does he want to. 

What he wants is to reciprocate the goodness, and he can and he shall. 

And it’s smooth sailing, him grabbing Baby by her front legs and lifting her onto her back legs, using them as arms to point at himself. “My Appa’s name is Jungkook,” he speaks for her in the most girlish tone he can muster, and then he gently moves Baby’s body from side to side in a little dance. “Yay!” 

It’s smooth sailing, making Nari laugh, drawing on the sparkle onto the top edge of her irises. It’s smooth sailing because a new cosmos has been created in the chemistry between him and her, a cosmos that has no sovereignty, no say in his life, nothing utterly unsafe. A cosmos that craves to extend past this window, and does—because when he settles in a cubicle with Baby, Nari follows him and crouches by him, wisps of her hair framing her tense face. 

“Here.” 

Places a banana milk and a snack into his hand that she isn’t afraid to grasp, a butter waffle that he hasn’t eaten in decades. And it alone would’ve made him cry, had she not stated her following decision.

“I don’t have any cat food, but I’m gonna go get some. You can take a shower in the meantime. The stalls are right there in that corridor.” 

She’s gone in the next second, before Jungkook can get any word out, before he can look at the place she pointed at. But just as it is intuitive for her to feed them, it is as intuitive for him to do as she says, picking up Baby into his arms and letting his feet take him to the thing that started this all. 

Her effervescence leaves him as soon as he moves the curtain of the shower stall to the side and glimpses at the white tiles. 

Dread. Absolute fucking dread. 

Like a snake, with the slightest touch, you crawl underneath his skin, taking your sweet little time. The memories of your tongue, of the lack of eye contact as you utterly buried yourself in the adrenaline of your ambition and left him bereft of any piece of human kindness. And how you swung your legs and got up to cleanse yourself off of him and every morsel of his being that he had given you. 

Jungkook’s chin quivers, the dread sinking low somewhere in his chest, and his stomach grumbles. 

He’s hungry. Hungry for comfort. Hungry for consolation. Hungry for any type of relief that would extend its hand and snatch away that feeling of dread and those memories of you and what you’ve done, which he thought were erased. He’s hungry more for that than for food. 

He looks down at Baby, the only soul present. Her eyelids are lowered, her minuscule face leaning against the bellies of his fingertips. He wishes she knew what he felt; he wishes that she would understand him like she did when he found her, rise from her sleepiness and talk to him. It wouldn’t even have to be in a human language—any would do, any he would learn just to have a safe being to talk to. 

His mind flies to Nari, and he wonders if she is a being of ultimate safety—the girl who, despite knowing him for less than a day, helped him more than you ever did and who didn’t hesitate to bring him a snack and go buy food for his kitten. 

Can she be trusted? Can she be someone who can help him? 

That thought grows a pair of lightweight wings, its velvety, feathery membrane fluttering his brain cells. Flies further, flies deeper—into the bottom of his soul, where his darkness resides with gaping eyes and parched throat, seeking to be fed. 

The feathers as they flit make a loud noise in the overgrown well inside him. 

Can she help him emotionally, and can she eventually help him with his scheme? That is, if he decides to ruin your life in reciprocation. 

Pondering it, he feels the edges of the wings on the place where his heart used to be. Somehow, he laments the absence of it, of the softness of the bunny who just wanted to be loved and to love back at the right time. But the velvety sensation feels pleasant, feels sort of mollifying if he focuses on it a bit more, and he doesn’t know how he does it—place Baby down and take off his clothes, lift his foot over the threshold of the epitome of dread and pull the curtains shut. He doesn’t know how he does it, but he’s aware that it’s possible because he sees the image of Nari being his partner. Of Nari using her kindness and her nonchalance towards you. He turns on the water, but he doesn’t mind the immediate coldness. It feels fresh, it feels real. It feels like the essence of Nari, and because of that he dips his head under the stream—because if he is to go on with the scheme, he has to get clean. 

His tears are hidden by that energetic waterfall, camouflaged, unfelt. The steady, unyielding pain in the center of his chest is real, but the tears aren’t, not in this moment. His limbs are elastic, boneless, but they’re real as well, they’re real as he lathers his body in an apple-scented foam. They quiver like his chin when he grasps his flaccid cock and pales the colors staining it, burdening it. How different this second would be, if you had treated him nicely. He’d still be in your bed, giving you everything you ever wanted, his attachment tendencies loose and needy. 

But, no. You don’t deserve it. You deserve a catastrophe, you deserve a ruination, a death to your perversity, and as another teardrop falls onto the last dollop of your blood mixed with your juices that he cleanses away, Jungkook allows himself to be rinsed. 

Scratches his scalp when he washes his hair because he hates his life, hates the lack of serendipity that would scatter it with twinkles of joy and serenity. But that, too, gets rinsed away soon enough. 

Jungkook stands underneath the stream for longer than he should. 

Weeping, simmering with so many emotions that are numb on the surface but dynamic in their core. Thick cobwebs of darkness push at the corners of his eyes, scaring him, as he stands there absolutely helpless and in need of being saved. 

But no one is coming, and Jungkook waits long enough to be assured of that. 

He kneels at the tiles, sweeps back the shower curtain, grabs Baby and places her on the raised step. She awakens, softly, but doesn’t complain. Squints at him, yawns silently. Jungkook cups a small body of water and gently pours it over her body, afraid to use the ordinary bar of soap available in case it would do her harm. Washes her like that, rubbing in the water into her fur, washes away her old life to welcome in the new one. 

With him as her Appa. 

He kisses her forehead once he’s done. Rubs in his love, too, his tears rushing to his waterline again. He will protect her with everything in him, take care of her kindly, be there when she grows, be there whenever she needs him. 

Even if no one will ever do that for him. 

“Appa loves you, Baby,” he whispers, saying her name as well as the pet name. “Appa will make a good life for us.” 

And he means it, even if he’s not too sure how he will do it. 

Nori is waiting for him by the cubicle. 

She’s sitting on her folded legs, absentminded and focused on something beyond his view. Her back faces him, and Jungkook notices how it’s partly bare, the fabric of a top she wasn’t wearing before exposing the prominent muscles on the center of her back by how low it’s cut. When he first saw her, she was wearing an oversized crewneck that hid her skin, and the sight of it in its full glory heightens the feeling he’s absorbed with. 

Freshness. Lightness. Well-being. 

The elements that make living a life bearable. 

He’s tentative about touching her to make her aware of his presence so she doesn’t startle. But he worries about startling her if he touches her. He would depend on Baby to make her little sound, but she’s sunk back into her sleepiness, rendering her out of this reality, and it would break his heart to bring her back. She’s clean and damp, resting in the film of her dreams, he couldn’t do that to her. He could say something to Nari, as anyone probably would in this situation, but he blanks out at what he could possibly say, so he just walks forward to her, with cold but sweaty hands and his nervous system slightly in shambles. 

Even more so when gets near enough to peek over her shoulder and sees what she’s doing to pass the time. 

Two cans of food are positioned before her, one crookedly leaning over the other. The fluorescent light from the cubicle hits it just right, making it the perfect still life to practice sketching on. But what she’s creating on the brown piece of paper laid on her thigh is anything but a practice sketch. And the still life is anything but still. 

It’s vivid, and this time it’s Jungkook who melts. 

She’s holding three pencils in one hand, her bottom lip drawn beneath her teeth. It’s been a long time since he’s held them in the very same way, and it softens him. It softens him to observe as the thin strands of her hair, fallen stray from her butterfly clip, tickle her chin and she frustratedly blows them away, shading the shadow of the cans on the open space of the paper. 

Paper? No sketchbook? 

The former question he had asked her is plunged out of his mouth again, erratic.

“Where’s your sketchbook?” 

Nari startles, and that’s exactly what he didn’t want. She peeks at him, her lip back in place, reddened and puffy, rounding out from her parted mouth. Sets her stuff down, finished with her task, turning around. Jungkook settles next to her, leaning over to put Baby down on the thin comforter inside the cubicle. 

A brief interlude of silence passes before she licks her lips, readying herself to enter reality. 

“She’s sleeping? I got her food. She must be hungry,” she says, watching her, those eyes dissolving again, head tilting to the side as her sleepiness affects her just as much it affects him. 

For some reason, Jungkook doesn’t want to respect her refusal to talk about bad things. Not when the question has become fiery hot, his yearning to know the answer in tandem, diffusing into his softness. And because of that he moves the topic back to her—because he’d rather talk about her than about the fact that Baby has probably gone longer than a full day without food. 

“Why won’t you answer my question?” he starts, locking his arms around his knees, looking over his kneecaps before he gathers the courage to bore his eyes into her. As if his words were of intimate nature. 

She seems taken aback by his adamancy, circles of flush bleeding into her cheeks. Her twinkle expands over her eyes, glossing over them, giving them a wet look that pokes the inside of his throat, where a lump forms. He doesn’t know what it means, the reactions she causes to bloom in him. And in her presence, the reasons and the meanings don’t matter. 

In her presence, life and the time stops. 

“Because it sucks?” she retorts with a chuckle that doesn’t resemble an inch of humor, breaking her gaze and sliding her glasses further up. She busies her fingers with her shoelaces, avoiding his eyes. 

Pain, Jungkook recognizes. Pain that she isn’t ready to face. 

“So?” he encourages, flicking the overspilling loop of her shoelaces from her knuckle, coaxing out a breath of laughter that he wonders if is genuine. She looks at him after a half minute of silence, and he encourages her some more by twitching his brows upwards. 

She sighs, pointing her eyes to the ceiling. 

“You brought some luck my way. Someone has come to use the sauna,” she says, but Jungkook shakes his head, despite the fact her words give him a fuzzy feeling. Hard to believe someone like him would bring a speckle of luck her way. Or in anyone’s way. 

“Not what I asked.” 

She sighs again, louder this time. A noise of defeat, one of utmost benefit. 

“You’re terrible.” 

“That I am.” 

Her eyes widen at that, fleetingly. Jungkook smiles to himself, sensing the energy to be fluid with something easy, as if he’s drifted here with her before, within this chemistry that doesn’t ask anything from him. A chemistry that just exists, a spark to a fire that doesn’t burn that brightly, but burns either way. 

Languidly, softly. 

“Fine.” 

“Talk.” 

She purses her lips, cupping her glasses with her fingers like one would palm their face. His clavicles grumble with a tender laughter, which fades out as soon as she explains the omission of her sketchbook. 

“After you left, he noticed my sketchbook and he got so angry that he tore it up and threw it in the trash. Months of my work, gone just like that,” she reveals, her tone flat, carrying a layer of death that only a person who’s been hurt too many times can. 

Jungkook curls his fists, and his own anger is but a whisper under the layer of his skin. He doesn’t need courage for the following words that he says to her—they’re as natural as if they were talking about banalities. But he means them, and they mean a lot to him, and he doesn’t regret them. Not like he regrets his life pre-her. 

“I shouldn’t have left.” 

Short, but momentous, and she feels them, taking a hold of her bottom lip again as she meekly nods. And it is in that moment that she, in some invisible universe, watery and hazy, clutches him and doesn’t let him go. Only because she admitted her girlish neediness. 

And he proves it by giving her a promise. 

“I will get you a new one, but you will have to come to work tomorrow. Don’t flee the country.” 

It’s then that he hears her genuine laughter, which echoes with the delicate notes of violins. And she shouldn’t have—she shouldn’t have agreed by nodding her head and gripping his elbow because Jungkook shall use her as a pawn, shall return to his old ways like a dog returning to its vomit.

And it was never supposed to be that way. 

© 2025 hoseoksluna, all rights reserved

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[thecosmicangel]

Do you feel you’re struggling with manifesting? Well here’s a manifesting rant + my experience & advice.

Hope you find it useful and helps you out 💗✨

You may not notice or realize but are you forcing things to happen? If you are too focused on "forcing" something to happen in the physical reality/3d it will just bring in more resistance & "blockages or delays", instead of trying to force the 3d to change or make it happen, focus on shifting your perspective, because if you are trying to make something happen or force it to happen it most likely means you still don't believe you have your manifestation & you don't believe in your power to make things happen. I must admit that when I was beginning loa and using affirmations I would affirm for hours expecting myself to get instant results ( I was forcing myself to see & make things change in the 3d through affirmations). I was thinking that the affirmations were going to bring me the manifestation but then I would see no proof or movement show up for me which would make me think I didn't have my manifestation and that affirmations weren't working, but I realized affirmations aren't going to make anything happen if my mindset was still not changing. I would affirm for hours and then look for evidence or signs everywhere, which was me assuming I didn't have what I wanted. I was expecting instant results in the 3D when my mindset was the same & NOT changing yet. Affirmations are a helpful method to help you shift your mindset to believe in your assumptions & shift into desired reality. Its not that affirmations create your desired reality, it just helps reprogram your mind to change your perspective. If you catch yourself looking at the 3d to prove you right so you can then believe its possible or that it's already yours, you are not standing firm in your belief that you are the god of your reality and still giving the 3d more validation than yourself. If you truly believed in your manifestation being yours & that it is already done ,you would let go of the need to force a change in the 3d / validation from the 3D. Trust that eventually with repeating your affirmations you will get to the point where you believe what you are affirming, you will also understand that you are the operant power & the only change you need to focus on is your mind, your affirmations will become your dominant thoughts and will start to reflect back to the 3D= you experiencing your manifestation in the physical reality.

Now I don't mean to discourage anyone because we are experiencing the human experience and it's normal to experience sadness, anxiety, anger, or be impatient. Whenever you catch yourself thinking from lack, having negative thoughts, doubts, fears or looking outside of yourself for validation remember to take back your power and remind yourself of your power as the god of your reality. Affirm that everything you want is already yours. Be gentle and patient with yourself, even though things can happen instantly & overnight it is also normal for it to take some time to see the inner change manifest into the outer world. All you have to focus on is thinking in your favor and making sure your thoughts are in line with the new story & stop giving power/attention to the old story or thoughts that are not in line with what you want.

Time is simply an illusion because as humans we experience things in a logical sense or pattern, look at time as a way of measuring a set of pictures in motion. Think of it as if we didn’t experience time everything would be like watching a fast forward video on a loop and eventually you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from the beginning, middle or end it would all just become a loop of pictures playing at a very fast speed and eventually the picture wouldn’t even be visible. The subconscious mind doesn't experience time, it is able to experience everything now that is why we are able to use our imagination. Tapping into the quantum field where infinite realities is possible with imagination. Think about it, whatever you want to imagine you could do so in this instant. Now i want you to imagine that you are in planet mars and it's snowing pink snow and you see a purple elephant walking in front of you. Did you imagine it? well you experienced that instantly as soon as you read it right? Well that's exactly what we mean when we say if you want validation go to your imagination/4d because the scene I described exist in the moment you imagined it you experienced by seeing it in your inner eye, you would only have to saturate your mind to believe you are there now and eventually you would see it in the physical form. Now some may say " well that's impossible because there's no way a purple elephant is in mars and its snowing pink snow" well that's not going to be possible for you if you have all those limiting beliefs, but if you were able to imagine it its very possible & real. Now some people may say " well its hard for me to visualize" well stop assuming that its hard. Start practicing visualization, start with small things and eventually work your self up to be able to visualize & be in your imagination with more ease.

Now let’s talk about dreaming, we all have dreams when we sleep right? Some dreams we don’t remember but we do most of them. I personally believe that dreams are our subconscious mind traveling to different dimensions or parallel realities, some dreams are more based on our subconscious programming, that is why you may dream of things you have been watching or hearing because our subconscious mind picks up on everything & our dreams are just a recollection of everything stored in our subconscious minds. Nightmares are just subconscious fears. Our subconscious mind is always telling us a story through our dreams about our deep beliefs or simply giving us glimpses of many infinite realities. This is why some dreams could seem prophetic because we get to travel different dimensions/ realities in our dreams. Lucid dreaming is when you become aware that you are dreaming which allows you to take control of your dream. Which is the same as real life, once you realize you are the god of your reality you are able to take control of your life and manifest what you want ( you are no longer sleeping on the fact of your power & who you are). Lucid dreaming can also be used as a portal to be able to astral project which is were your astral body is able to leave your physical body and you are able to go anywhere in the astral realm. The astral realm I would compare to our imagination/ 4D, where you can encounter other entities, spirits and things not visible to our naked eye. Now you see how you’re able to dream, lucid & astral project where so many things happen & time wasn’t a concern. Another phenomenon you hear so many stories of is people who go into comas for years and they wake up and say they remember the day before so for them time didn’t happen they simply woke up the next day, or some of them wake up and say they had a whole life while they were in a coma and wake up shocked that it wasn’t “real”. People are amazed at how such thing is possible but it may all be due to their subconscious being impacted due to accident/ trauma that put them in a coma which shifted them into a different reality, when they wake up from the coma they shift back to the reality they were in before the coma. (Now I have gone into a rant about dreams and parallel realities etc, so you may be like what’s your point? My point is that time is AN ILLUSION & that parallel infinite realities exist and we are always experiencing & have direct access to the quantum field everyday in our sleep/ meditative state, so why do you not believe that you are able to shift into your desired reality? Or rely so much on logic? Or just having doubts that affirmations aren’t working or doubting the law? The power of the subconscious mind is so big some can’t even comprehend how powerful it is!)

Now back to manifesting; A tip I would suggest is to meditate or take some time to pay attention to your thoughts or what your current beliefs are when you are not affirming, pay attention to any limiting beliefs, fears or doubts and why you have them. Once you catch these thoughts, replace those thoughts with the opposite affirmation , so for example if your manifesting an SP and you catch yourself thinking " what if he's with someone else" , " he's too busy to text me" or " what if it doesn't work out" make the affirmation " he only has eyes for me, he only wants me" ,"he always makes time for me, I am his top priority" , “everything is always working out in my favor all the time and things are better than I could ever imagine”. Stop worrying about the what ifs instead change your perspective to “ what if everything works out exactly or even better than I can imagine. " or affirm that you do not have any doubts about whatever it’s is you want. Basically for any negative thought simply replace it with the opposing thoughts that aids your new story.

Now remember even though you don't see movement in the 3d, trust that things are moving in your favor. Affirmations are a helpful method to shift your mindset in your favor, and helping you remove all limiting beliefs. Something that helped me realize I had my manifestations all along was that we are not "trying to get" our manifestation, what we are doing is removing all the limiting programming. We already have everything we want but the limiting beliefs, fears and doubts are in the way, giving off the illusion of lack. Fear is simply (False Evidence Appearing Real). Limiting perspective/ beliefs are obstructing our awareness that we already have our desires. We are already experiencing the life we want but we haven’t caught up to that moment yet in the 3D.

As always remember the power is in you, what you give your power/ awareness to becomes the dominant thoughts, which become your reality. So if you are seeing things that you don't want remember you gave it the power to become so, or it's simply just old programming playing out. The 3d, ego and time are always the last to the party. When you begin to reprogram your mind it might seem like all of the sudden opposing thoughts, fears and doubts begin to fill your mind but this is simply the ego trying to hold on to the old story, the ego is always trying to protect itself because it is scared of "dying"/change so it will do anything to protect you. The ego is aware of the internal change, it knows that what it knew & was familiar with is dying out so it goes into panic mode & fights for its survival. Just reassure yourself everything is fine, there is no reason to be scared and simply continue to feed into the new story that you want.

⚡️work on regulating your nervous system, there is tons of videos on YouTube with nervous system regulation meditations, and breathing techniques. I usually do this every Sunday to reset & regulate my nervous system, but you can also do this as needed if you are dealing with lots of anxiety.

⚡️Worrying/ doubting is giving power to the things you don’t want. ( as long as they are not your dominant thoughts they won’t manifest)

⚡️before I was able to receive my manifestation in the 3D I told myself to look at it as a movie , my desire was the end of the movie and everything in between was the unfolding / current reality / present moment. Even though I watched the ending only ( my assumption/ affirmations) I didn’t know how the movie was going to unfold. Even if the movie showed no clues or did not point at all to how it would it end, I already knew the ending of the movie so I wasn’t going to question it because I already saw the ending and knew it would happen for a fact. (If you are not seeing any movement, it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening for you, you will eventually be hit in the face with all your manifestation in full force).

⚡️From my experience I realized I had manifested my breakup with my sp, I realized I started to think of the worst scenarios, what could go wrong due to past relationships, I also started assuming that my sp was going to become distant and end things with me and that ended up happening. The same power I had to create the breakup was also the same power I had to bring us back together. When we were apart I realized how I had manifested/ created him to act the way he did whether for good or bad, this realization was shortly after I found the law of assumption. Sometimes it’s helpful to analyze or reflect back on how you have manifested previous things whether people/ money/ situations/ literally anything. It helps you become aware of your thoughts / beliefs or if certain methods helped more than others . For me I realized day dreaming or ( visualization ) is a strong method for me.

⚡️limit your loa, manifesting content to a few couple people. Too much information can lead you to feel lost or feel like you aren’t doing enough.

⚡️stick to a method / routine that works for you, you don’t have to try every single challenge or method. This implies you feel what you are doing isn’t enough or isn’t working.

⚡️you create your rules, you don’t have to stick to anyone’s rules, you don’t even have to take my advice you decide what you want to believe in or what you believe to work for you.

⚡️be patient with yourself!!!! Things can change in your favor at any moment now! If you are having a “bad day” and catch yourself spiraling, feeling anxious or everything is the opposite of what you are manifesting, simply give yourself some time to breathe and collect your thoughts, when you have ease down your nerves remind yourself that even with what you are being shown you can still change things because you are the god of your reality, nothing is impossible.

⚡️stop looking at the 3D for progress or proof!! Always go within.

-xoxo, the cosmic angel ⭐️🪽