#reflection of the inner mind and its fears.

[plutosunshine]

Where you will find your healing?

The ruler of the 12th house

The 12th house in astrology is often called the "house of the unconscious," dealing with themes of spirituality, isolation, and hidden realms of the psyche. However, it is also deeply connected to healing—particularly on a spiritual and psychological level. Healing in the 12th house is not about the physical body but the soul, mental health, and the release of karmic burdens. It's where we confront and resolve deep-seated fears, self-sabotaging behaviors, and unresolved emotional pain.

The ruler of the 12th house—depending on which house it governs in your natal chart—can offer key insights into the paths or methods through which you may experience healing. 

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 1st house

You might be highly sensitive to the energies around you, often feeling that your inner struggles are visible, even when trying to hide them. Healing, in this context, requires self-awareness—acknowledging and understanding your hidden wounds instead of avoiding or suppressing them. Practices like journaling, introspection, and therapy can help bring these subconscious patterns to light.

With this placement, there is a strong need to express what is typically hidden. Healing may come through showing up authentically in the world, revealing your vulnerabilities, and allowing yourself to be seen, flaws and scars included. Art, creative expression, or public speaking can serve as powerful outlets for releasing buried pain, transforming those deep-seated wounds into something that empowers you.

Because the 1st house relates to your identity, self-image, and physical body, healing may also come through developing self-compassion and acceptance. Often, with this placement, there's a tendency to be too hard on yourself or to internalize the suffering from the 12th house. You may feel like you're carrying a heavy burden without even understanding why. However, developing compassion for yourself, recognizing your limitations, and being kind to yourself are essential steps toward healing. Mindfulness and meditation practices can help cultivate this sense of compassion.

This placement can indicate that spiritual growth and healing are central to your life path. You may find that your healing journey requires a spiritual or mystical approach. Meditation, energy work, or even time spent in solitude and retreat (a key theme of the 12th house) can help you process these deep-seated issues and bring peace to your soul.

Since the 1st house also rules the physical body, there's a direct connection between your subconscious and your physical health. Healing your deep-seated wounds may require body-based therapies, such as yoga, breathwork, or somatic experiencing. This can help release stored traumas in the body, making the connection between mind and body essential for your healing process. Attending to your body's needs and listening to what it's telling you can be a profound way to address long-held emotional or spiritual pain.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 2nd house

Healing may come through working on your sense of self-worth and how you manage your material resources. Since the 2nd house relates to finances and possessions, you may find that grounding yourself in managing money, acquiring security, and building stability can be therapeutic. Developing a healthy relationship with what you value materially can help ease deeper anxieties rooted in the unconscious.

The 12th house represents isolation and the subconscious. Placing its ruler in the 2nd house suggests you may find healing by withdrawing from the material demands of the world at times. You might benefit from moments of solitude, where you can reflect on what you truly value and connect with your inner self. Meditation, spiritual retreats, or creative solitude can offer profound healing and allow you to realign your priorities.

This placement can suggest that certain old beliefs about money, self-worth, or material security, rooted in the subconscious patterns, must be let go for healing to occur. You may be carrying hidden fears or anxieties related to scarcity or self-worth that, when confronted and released, will open the door to both spiritual and material abundance.

Healing with this placement often requires you to blend the spiritual and material worlds—finding a sense of peace, security, and self-worth by tapping into the deeper, unconscious layers of your psyche. Reflecting on your relationship with money, possessions, and inner values will be crucial.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 3rd house

Healing can come through communication, learning, and connecting with your immediate environment.

In this context, you may find that expressing your deeper thoughts and emotions—whether through journaling, talking with siblings, or close friends—helps you release buried feelings and heal inner wounds. Healing could also come through engaging in meaningful conversations or learning something new, particularly in areas that help you better understand your inner self.

Activities like meditation, mindfulness, or even writing about your experiences may also serve as powerful tools for self-awareness and emotional release. Traveling within your local area, taking short trips, or spending time in familiar environments also offers a sense of peace and healing, helping you process your emotions more consciously. Finding ways to bridge your inner world with your everyday interactions can unlock powerful healing energies for you.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 4th house

Healing involves connecting with your home, family, and deepest roots.

In this case, you may find that healing is deeply tied to your family history or your relationship with your home life. Addressing unresolved issues from your past, particularly childhood experiences or family dynamics can bring you peace and closure. Spending time in your home, creating a nurturing and safe space for yourself, or even reconnecting with your family can help you heal emotional wounds that you may have been carrying unconsciously.

This placement also suggests that inner peace may be found through introspection and solitude at home. Practices like meditation, journaling, or simply retreating into the quiet of your private space can help you process and release deep-seated fears or anxieties. You might also find that exploring your ancestral roots or understanding family patterns offers powerful insights into your subconscious and aids in your emotional healing journey. Ultimately, grounding yourself in your personal and emotional foundations will be key to unlocking deep healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 5th house

Healing comes through creative self-expression, joy, and embracing your inner child.

In this case, healing is found when you allow yourself to engage in activities that bring joy, fun, and spontaneity. Creative outlets such as art, music, writing, or any form of artistic expression can help you process unconscious emotions and release internal tension. These mediums connect you with deeper parts of yourself, channeling hidden emotions into something positive and uplifting.

Romantic relationships and love experiences can also help you heal. You may find that engaging in heartfelt, playful connections helps you heal emotional wounds tied to fear or vulnerability. Likewise, embracing your inner child—reclaiming a sense of play, adventure, and excitement—can unlock healing by releasing the weight of hidden fears and anxieties.

The 5th house also governs self-confidence and individuality, so healing comes when you allow yourself to shine and embrace who you are unapologetically. Finding joy in hobbies, spending time with children, or indulging in your passions can help bring about deep emotional and spiritual healing, reconnecting you with your true essence.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house

When the ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house, healing is found by merging your subconscious or spiritual needs with practical, everyday actions. You heal through routines, work, health care, and service to others. Daily habits, such as regular exercise or mindfulness, help bring emotional stability, while serving or helping others can provide a deep sense of healing.

Work environments might reflect subconscious fears or anxieties, offering opportunities for self-growth. Holistic practices—like yoga, meditation, or energy healing—are especially beneficial, as they connect the mind, body, and spirit. Addressing psychosomatic symptoms or hidden emotional patterns tied to past experiences is also key to healing.

In essence, healing comes through structured routines, health-conscious habits, and service-oriented actions that balance physical and spiritual well-being.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 7th house

Your healing process is likely to be intertwined with your relationships. Partnering with others—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—can help you access parts of your subconscious that need resolution. Issues like trust, boundaries, or hidden fears may surface in partnerships, but these relationships also offer profound opportunities for growth and healing.

Since the 12th house has a spiritual or karmic nature, its ruler in the 7th house suggests that certain partnerships may feel destined or karmic. You may be drawn to partners who help you uncover deeper spiritual lessons, and through these connections, you can find peace and emotional healing.

Relationships may force you to confront fears or unresolved issues from your past. Through the mirror of partnership, you can see your own subconscious patterns more clearly. This can be challenging, but facing these fears with a partner’s support leads to healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 8th house

Your healing process is deeply transformative. This placement indicates that in order to heal, you may need to face significant internal changes. You are likely to go through cycles of release and rebirth, shedding old psychological baggage and emerging stronger. This process can be intense but ultimately leads to profound healing and personal growth.

The 8th house is where we encounter the shadow side of life—fear, trauma, loss, and taboo subjects like death and sexuality. The 12th house ruler suggests that you can heal by diving into these areas, bringing hidden fears and traumas to the surface to process and release them. This may involve facing past wounds or subconscious fears that have been buried but are ready to be transformed.

The 8th house rules intimate, deep bonds with others, especially through emotional and physical closeness. Healing can come through these powerful connections, where you learn to trust and surrender control. Vulnerability in intimate relationships allows you to release long-held emotional patterns and find healing in shared experiences.

Since the 12th house relates to spirituality and the subconscious, the ruler in the 8th house suggests that your healing may also involve spiritual transformation. Exploring mystical or esoteric practices, meditation, or engaging in inner shadow work can help you transform subconscious fears into personal empowerment.

The 8th house is often associated with crisis or loss, and while this can be challenging, it also represents opportunities for deep healing. You may find that healing comes after significant life transitions—whether through financial change, the ending of a relationship, or confronting mortality. These events push you to go deeper within yourself, leading to healing through acceptance and transformation.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 9th house

Healing may come from exploring spiritual teachings, religious practices, or new philosophical ideas. Engaging in deep contemplation about the meaning of life, purpose, and the universe can provide clarity and inner peace.

Travel, particularly to foreign lands, can offer solace and rejuvenation. Exposure to different cultures, spiritual traditions, or sacred places can bring about profound healing experiences.

The 9th house also rules higher education. Healing could come through engaging in study, whether formal education or self-guided learning. This can include reading philosophical works or even studying healing modalities like yoga, meditation, or psychology.

The 9th house, with its connection to belief systems, offers a potential path to healing. Reexamining your personal faith or finding a new belief system that resonates with your soul’s deeper needs can provide a strong foundation for emotional and spiritual healing.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 10th house

Healing and spiritual growth are closely tied to your career, public life, or social status.

With this placement, you might find that engaging in meaningful work, pursuing a career that helps others, or taking on a role in the public eye brings deep personal healing. You could also be drawn to professions that involve caring for the less fortunate, working in hospitals, mental health, or spiritual fields where you support others behind the scenes. Healing can also come through achieving a sense of purpose and recognition in your work and overcoming any fears of failure or feelings of being unseen.

Balancing your private spiritual needs with your public responsibilities is crucial. If you use your professional life as a vehicle for service or healing, it can be a source of profound fulfillment.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 11th house

Healing and spiritual growth are closely connected to your friendships, social groups, and long-term aspirations.

With this placement, you might find healing through meaningful connections with like-minded people or by being part of a group that shares common ideals. Participating in humanitarian causes or working toward collective goals can be a source of deep fulfillment and spiritual renewal. You may feel drawn to helping others within your community or engaging in social movements that bring healing to yourself and society as a whole.

Additionally, your spiritual growth can emerge through your ability to connect with people who help you expand your consciousness and allow you to express your unique vision for the future. Your healing journey might also involve balancing your need for solitude with your desire to be part of a larger collective, finding ways to contribute to the greater good while nurturing your own inner world.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 12th house

This placement signifies a deeply introspective and spiritual journey toward healing.

You may find that solitude, meditation, spiritual practices, or time spent in retreat from the outside world are essential for your healing and personal growth. You’re likely to feel a strong connection to the unseen or mystical realms, and engaging in these areas can provide significant healing. There could be a natural affinity for helping others in quiet, behind-the-scenes ways, such as working in hospitals, spiritual centers, or charitable institutions.

This placement may indicate a need to confront deep-seated fears, unresolved emotional issues, or hidden parts of yourself that have been suppressed. Healing might come from understanding and integrating these aspects of your psyche, working through karmic patterns, or releasing past traumas. Your spiritual journey is one of self-discovery, compassion, and perhaps even surrender, allowing you to experience profound transformation through solitude and inner exploration.

[plutonianeris]

Medusa

Then Athena proclaimed, “I will turn you into a Goddess in your own right, a deity of monsters.”

Medusa in the 1st house

Medusa in the 1st house and/or conjunct ascendant feels like walking into a room and knowing people are immediately drawn to or threatened by your presence. There’s something about your appearance, the way you hold yourself, that has a piercing effect on others. You might remind people of the untamed, the powerful force within that they can’t control. You are a storm rolling in over the ocean, dark clouds swirling, mesmerizing yet dangerous. You are both the calm before the storm and the storm itself. People can't look away but are afraid of what they might find in you or themselves. You turn heads wherever you go, but not everyone can handle what they see.

Medusa in the 2nd house

Here, Medusa’s energy connects to how you value yourself and what you own. It may feel like you have to fiercely protect what’s yours whether that’s money, possessions, or your sense of self-worth. There could be a fear of others trying to take what you’ve earned or distort your value. You are a dragon guarding its treasure in a cave. People may see the gold, but they don’t understand the cost of reaching it the sacrifices, the scars, the inner battles. You’ve fought for every bit of worth you have, and no one can devalue it without facing your wrath.

Medusa in the 3rd house

In the 3rd house, Medusa speaks to your communication style and the way your ideas are received. You might feel misunderstood, as though your words have a sharpness or edge that makes others uncomfortable. But this is also where you wield power your voice can cut through illusions and lies. You are a lone raven calling out in the forest at dusk. The sound pierces the quiet, sending a chill down spines. Your words aren’t just heard, they echo through people’s minds long after you’ve spoken. Your words have a bite to them they’re sharp, unsettling, but impossible to ignore.

Medusa in the 4th house

Medusa in the 4th house can feel like haunting your own home. Family dynamics may have made you feel judged or like an outsider, leading to a feeling of never truly belonging. The power here is in reclaiming your roots, creating a sanctuary for yourself that no one else can taint. You are an abandoned mansion on a hill, overgrown with ivy and hidden from the world. Inside, it’s full of secrets and memories, but it’s your sanctuary. You’re both haunted by the past and the keeper of its mysteries.You carry the weight of your ancestors’ stories, but you’re the one who decides how they’re told.

Medusa in the 5th house

In the 5th house, Medusa’s energy can come out in your creativity and how you express joy. There’s a wildness here, an uncontrollable need to create art, love, or experiences that challenge norms. Others may see your expressions as rebellious or too raw, but that’s where the power lies. You are a bonfire on the beach at midnight, flames licking the sky, with music and wild dancing. It’s primal, untamed, but full of life. People are both drawn to and wary of this raw energy. You create without boundaries, and your fire burns brighter because of it.

Medusa in the 6th house

Medusa in the 6th house brings her energy to your daily life, your work, and how you serve others. You might feel judged or criticized in work environments, as though your efforts are scrutinized more harshly than others’. But this also makes you a fierce protector of justice and integrity in your routine.You are a blacksmith at their forge, hammering metal with intensity and focus. The heat is overwhelming, but you thrive in it. Your work isn’t just a task it’s a transformation, bending the world to your will, shaping it with your hands. Your work is your battlefield, and you wield both hammer and shield with precision.

Medusa in the 7th house

Medusa in the 7th house reflects how you experience partnerships and close relationships. There’s an intensity here people may project their fears onto you, seeing you as too powerful or difficult to handle. But this placement also means you have a gift for seeing through others' facades. You are a mirror that shows not just a person’s reflection but their deepest truths, things they would rather keep hidden. You reveal people to themselves, sometimes in ways they weren’t ready for.In relationships, you’re the mirror people are afraid to look into but they can’t resist.

Medusa in the 8th house

In the 8th house, Medusa’s energy goes deep into the underworld of transformation, power, and hidden truths. You’re no stranger to the darker aspects of life whether it’s dealing with issues of death, intimacy, or shared resources, you often find yourself walking through the shadows. A shadowy forest, with deep pools of water reflecting moonlight. The air is thick with mystery, and danger lurks behind every tree, but you know how to navigate it. You see what others can’t, and you’re not afraid to go there. You’ve walked through the shadows and made them your allies.

Medusa in the 9th house

Medusa in the 9th house brings her energy to your quest for knowledge and belief systems. You may find that your views challenge traditional wisdom or that others find your perspective unsettling. But this is where your power lies you’re meant to shake up the status quo and introduce new ways of thinking. You are a lighthouse perched on a cliff, shining its light far into the stormy sea. You illuminate the path ahead, but not everyone wants to see the truth you’re pointing to. Still, your light keeps cutting through the darkness. Your truths may be unsettling, but they light the way for those ready to see.

Medusa in the 10th house

With Medusa in the 10th house, the energy shows up in your career and public life. You may find yourself in positions of authority or power, but not without facing judgment or opposition. People may see you as intimidating, but your strength is undeniable. You are a fortress on a mountaintop, standing strong against all who try to breach its walls. Your reputation is both admired and feared people respect your power but also fear your judgment. You stand strong in the spotlight, unshaken by the winds of judgment.

Medusa in the 11th house

Medusa in the 11th house connects you to groups, communities, and collective goals, but you might feel like an outsider here. Your vision is often ahead of its time, and others may struggle to understand or accept it. But this is where your magic happens you’re meant to challenge the norm and lead by example.You are a lone figure on the horizon, walking ahead of the group, leading them toward a future they don’t yet understand. You’re the visionary who sees where others can’t, but you may walk alone for a time. You’re the visionary who doesn’t fit in but that’s exactly why you’re needed.

Medusa in the 12th house

Medusa in the 12th house brings her energy to your unconscious mind and hidden realms. You may feel misunderstood on a deep, spiritual level, but this placement also gives you access to profound wisdom and hidden power. It’s the energy of the sorceress, working in the shadows to heal and transform. You are a hidden temple deep in the mountains, shrouded in mist and mystery. Few know it’s there, but those who do seek it for its hidden knowledge and power. You’re the keeper of secrets, the one who understands the invisible forces that shape reality. You wield a power that is unseen but felt by all who encounter you.

[rainerioun]

𝖶𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖣𝖮𝖤𝖲 𝖸𝖮𝖴𝖱 𝖥𝖴𝖳𝖴𝖱𝖤 𝖲𝖯𝖮𝖴𝖲𝖤 𝖫𝖮𝖮𝖪 𝖫𝖨𝖪𝖤? | 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖽.

— Hi! Apologies for being a bit inactive lately. Been tied up with stuff, but I'm back with a reading for you all! Today, we'll delve into what your future partner could look like. Remember, just take whatever resonates with you. This reading is more so about what sticks out to you when reading.

ORIGINAL DATE POSTED : APRIL 26TH, 2024.

HOW TO CHOOSE A PILE : The outcome may vary based on whether you receive clear messages visually or intuitively. If you resonate more with selecting a pile visually, trust that inclination. Personally, I believe the notion that 'looks can deceive,' so I prefer to take a deep breath and close my eyes, allowing the pile I'm meant to connect with to come to me. You might see the color of the pile, sense or hear a number, or simply feel its overall vibe.

Please don’t redistribute or edit my content.

MUST READ + MASTERLIST | KO-FI

PILE ONE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Virgo.

Your future partner likely has an oval face shape with a more narrow jawline and chin, contrasted by prominent cheekbones. They're likely to have a slender physique, though proportionate in any case.

Tarot. — Six of Swords.

They give off a moody or unassuming vibe, seeming as though they don't express much. Yet, they're quite proactive in changing their appearance, whether it's their style, hair, or even their athleticism. However, they'll always maintain that aloof, 'leave me out of it' demeanor.

Additional. Hermit — Light : Seeks solitude to focus intently on inner life. Serves personal creativity. Shadow : Withdraws from society out of fear or negative judgements of others. Refusing to help those in need.  Pioneer — Light : Passion for doing and creating what has not been done before. Shadow : Compulsive need to keep moving on.

As I mentioned earlier, they are constantly undergoing physical changes in some way. They have an introverted and withdrawn aura. They could let their hair grow out and become a bit scruffy before impulsively cutting it off. They maintain a rather deadpan expression when simply existing in their own world. The image of Edward Cullen specifically came to mind when pulling the cards.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. High Cheekbones, Heart Shaped Face, Pale Skin, Brown Eyes, Curly Hair, Cat Beauty, Honey Eyes, Thin Eyebrows.

Yes, very vampire allure-esque indeed. Their eyes could appear normally brown but take on a honey-like glow under certain lighting. Their eyes are quite striking, considering they have feline type features. Although hair color didn't come up during the reading, I pictured them with dark hair that complements their skin tone.

Apocalypse : Cigarettes After Sex.

PILE TWO

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Leo.

Of course, they possesses striking hair like a lion's mane—thick, unruly, perhaps even a bit frizzy, something that immediately catches one's eye, possibly long in length. Their eyes are equally intense, matching their strong jawline. They exude a fierce appearance that naturally draws attention, whether they seek it or not.

Tarot. — Four of Wands [Reversed].

Your future spouse might have a more mature-looking face compared to yours or for their age. They appear quite stressed, with heavy eyes and noticeable wrinkles, particularly around their eyes, such as crow's feet and frown lines.

This aspect also reflects in their demeanor. They might carry an air of disappointment, even if they don't necessarily feel that way—it's just a testament to what they've been through. They tend to go for neutrals in their clothing choices, not leaning towards vibrant styles. Despite appearing restless, they naturally possess an attractive charm.

Additional. Mystic — Light : Revels in intimate union with the Divine. Shadow : Delusional rapport with the Divine. 

They have a divine look to their appearance, regardless of their modest and simple attire or styling. There's a hint of mystique about them, but I feel it leans more towards a deity-like appearance rather than a witchy vibe. I imagine your future partner resembling a god/goddess, genuinely embodying timeless beauty.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Below Average Height, Legs, Medium-Length Hair, Prominent Mouth, Broad Nose, Copper hair, Medium Skin.

Your future spouse has a complexion you'd deem as medium-toned. When it comes to their hair, I envision it falling somewhere between medium to long length. Though a single color came out, you could interpret it as having hints of orange or red tones instead. Their mouth is defined by sharp, pointed features, while their nose possesses a broad, perhaps even slightly downturned shape.

Bernadette : IAMX. | Lucky Drive : Sarah Kinsley. | Who Is She? : I Monster. [ I think these songs perfectly describe their vibe. ]

PILE THREE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Aries.

Your future spouse has distinct/sharp, broad features with thick eyebrows framing their face. Freckles, beauty marks, or subtle scars might adorn their face, too. Their shoulders are broad and sturdy. They could be tinged with red in some way. It could be in their complexion with rosy cheeks, hair, eyes, or they just wear a lot of red. Despite a muscular build, they still have curves, whether it's slim hips and wider thighs or a smaller waist and broader hips.

Tarot. — Three of Wands [Reversed].

It seems they may have a serious RBF, often appearing quite frustrated or impatient. There's a strong and confident demeanor about them. When envisioning their build or expression, I see Rhea Ripley 100%.

Additional. Hero/Heroine — Light : Passion for a journey of personal empowerment. Shadow : Escapism and a false sense of heroism. 

When we typically imagine heroes, we picture them as polished and composed. However, behind the curtain, they bear the marks of their struggles, with visible signs of stress etched into their body. Your future partner will be this way. Peel back their layers, and you'll uncover scars, calluses, and an overall roughness.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Gray Eyes, Hawk Nose, Thick Nose, Scars, Thighs, Neutral Tone, Square Shaped Face, Hands.

What did I say about scars? It popped up three times at this point. Their skin tone has a neutral undertone, not warm or cool. Their nose is large and hooked. And those gray eyes? Unwavering. You could simply like their thighs and hands specifically, or there's something significant about them.

Hey Sexy Lady : Shaggy. | Blood Sweat & Tears : BTS.

PILE FOUR

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Pisces.

Your future spouse has round, soft lips, with dewy skin and eyes shining with tenderness. They have a dreamy aura, perhaps lost in thought at times. Their hair may tend towards the finer side. I envision them as 'dainty' and clumsy.

Tarot. — Four of Wands [Reversed]. | The Star.

The Star card suits them perfectly. They radiate both warmth and serenity, their presence quite calming. This reflects in their appearance, with a lively step and a clear sense of purpose in all they do. They have a whimsical charm, very cute!

Additional. Child : Orphan — Light : Independence based on learning to go at it alone. Conquering fear of surviving. Shadow : Feelings of abandonment that stifle maturation. Seeking inappropriate surrogate families.

In terms of aesthetic, your future spouse has a more colorful style. They appear youthful without seeming childish, dressing without fear and staying true to themselves, free from judgment.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Alternative, Sparse Eyebrows, Long Eyelashes, Waist, Slim, Small Eyes, Green Eyes, Bald, Masculine.

This aligns with what I was getting at. They definitely have an alternative style. Although the energy initially felt 'feminine,' masculine came out. So, I believe this person is deeply connected to both aspects. They might also identify as queer. And while they could actually be bald, I heard in it a joking tone, given their naturally thin hair.

The Shining : The Neighbourhood. | Confidence : Ocean Alley.

PILE FIVE

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Capricorn.

Your future spouse is somewhat lanky but has hidden strength, almost described as lithe. They carry an almost stern and steady gaze, radiating seriousness and maturity. Their bone structure is striking, too. Unlike typical Capricorns, they move with a deliberate slowness, calculated in their actions. They are an alluring person. — I forgot to add that they have nice teeth!

Tarot. — Knight of Pentacles [Reversed].

I picture your future spouse as having a disheveled and unkempt appearance, but in a somehow intentional and controllable manner—it's a bit hard to put into words. Think of someone like Hozier in terms of what I mean. They might give off a slightly lazy energy, dressing in loose-fitting clothes. I don't think they enjoy changing their appearance much and prefer to stick to the same style. I imagine they lean towards neutral or dark colors, something easy on the eyes.

Additional. Messiah — Light : Serving humanity with humility. Shadow : Exaggerated belief that you are the only means through which a cause can succeed. 

This person is confident, fully aware of their own charm. I envision them with darker skin and dark hair. If you're attracted to men, I imagine them having some form of facial hair, perhaps a beard.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Eye Bags, Light Freckles, Prominent Nose, Full Lips, Short Hair, Dark Skin, Olive Skin, Monotone Voice, Puppy-Dog Eyes, Brown Hair.

I think your future spouse aims for that bad boy vibe but doesn't quite nail it. They naturally give off that vibe, but they try a bit too hard to make it obvious. Perhaps they have freckles that become more visible in the summer or are barely noticeable. They aren't very expressive with their voice, but their eyes more than compensate for it, being a bit pouty, too. As for their hair, while I initially pictured it as long, it likely varies based on personal preference since short hair came out. Generally, they have a darker appearance overall.

Beautiful Is Boring : BONES UK. | Judas : Lady Gaga. | Too Sweet : Hozier.

PILE SIX

Zodiac Dice Roll. — Sagittarius.

Your future spouse has a wider face and a welcoming, cheerful demeanor. I see them with a cute button nose, sparkling eyes, and a pretty smile. They are bubbly and curious, with chubby cheeks and a curvier frame. Their expression reminds me of Armin Arlert. AHHH, I LOVE ARMIN! I HAD TO BRING HIM UP. T-T

Tarot. — Ace of swords [Reversed].

This person tends to get easily distracted, often appearing spaced out. Their appearance mirrors their emotions, reflecting whatever they're feeling that day. They're not one to settle on a particular style, constantly changing their look.

Additional. Shape-Shifter — Light : Skill at navigating through different levels of consciousness. Ability to see the potential in everything. Shadow : Projecting any image that serves your personal agenda in the moment. 

Yeah, they seem like a real shape-shifter. Always evolving, whether it's their physical appearance or their mindset. One day they might be all about frills and pastels, and the next they're wearing dark, sleek attire.

Specifics. — Take What Feels Right. Hazel Eyes, Button Nose, Tattoos, Neutral Tone, Fingers, Freckles, Hips, Round Shaped Face, Slim Nose.

It's kind of spooky how tarot readings can be so consistently on point with their messages. Hazel eyes were mentioned, but even if not, they have lighter eyes. They might have tattoos, but I'm not sure of what. You might find yourself drawn to their fingers or hips. I envision them as more heavy-set.

Primadonna : MARINA. | Paris, Texas : Lana Del Rey. | Black Friday : Tom Odell.

[zzencat]

How To Energetically Get The Most Out Of Your School/Work Life - ⏳

Since we’re getting into the groove of things…let’s gaur!!!! For entertainment purposes.

From left to right. Breathe and choose the one(s) you can't keep your eyes off of.

TO ENHANCE ACCURACY BEFORE CHOOSING: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

Pile 1 | boomer mentality?

• change your ways. Bad habits, weak ways of thinking- sure, it’s uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Success is uncomfortable (I’m pretty sure someone super famous said that once maybe someone should remind me- 🤔) . You’ll find that if you look at things from a new perspective, a new angle, it’ll be beneficial for you in the long run. Just like looking at stress in a good way- there are studies on it that show that if you look at stress in a more positive way and use it to your advantage, you could really stretch out your life and live longer than those who were pessimistic about it (lol fun fact for you)

if you let go of the old, your luck will change. embrace these new changes, beliefs, environments, and people.

don’t keep your time and resources to yourself. allow for self reflection and transformations to happen!

big focus: don’t let history repeat itself. it’s time for a change! let go and let in.

—————————

Pile 2 | feeling stuck or stagnant

• pile 2, you tend to overthink everything. You let your mind run its course. That ain’t good news. It prevents you from reaching new heights- prevents you from even starting on something, just because of fear or even roots of perfectionism. There’s a huge lack of motivation, confidence, and trust in yourself- so much that even when I was pulling your cards they were hesitant to come out. it feels like russian roulette but it’s firing on its own. some people here might tend to overreact/throw a tantrum as well or be immature in situations that need sensibility (in this case, ya gotta take this time to mature.)

• I feel this group has trouble with balance in general. Nothing wrong with that on occasion but if that’s your default setting and you’re stuck in your mind all day, wondering about this and that—just a crazy clash of thoughts and ideas—ruminating and running around in a vicious cycle full of mental bullshit then it’s gonna stop you. It’s gonna stop you from growth, from achieving things, from getting started, from living life normally. That’s the bare minimum, isn’t it? All we gotta do is breathe and when life makes it hard, the brain works harder. The mind is truly the most dangerous thing and you have to embrace it, marinate in it, and pick at it. find out where the balance is between intuition, logic, and emotion.

you might feel restricted and the need to break free, but what you also need is a breather to calm down and assess yourself before making decisions. rmr, deep breaths.

•Do your own research, form your own opinions, figure out who you are, how you operate, and what you want in life. That’s how you begin to build character. That’s how you can move forward, even if it’s little by little. (A more stable foundation comes outta that too.)

big focus: practice self control. when they say “lead with your head,” they really mean the control center of logic, intuition, and emotion…but who’s doing more of the controlling here, you or your mind?

——————————

Pile 3 | “how could I miss that?”

• What you need to focus on is slowing down. it’s easy to miss things when we’re busy or taking on a lot of responsibilities. give yourself some love and care—tend to those inner callings. It’s good for your mental health as well. Remember: mental becomes physical.

• put yourself first for once. Connect with yourself and loved ones- go on one of them self dates- Yessir those exist 😳

• pile 3, you are easily the most efficient and speedy group- cards were legit being shuffled like they were being handled like a pro- but you know the con of that? You miss all the moments you could’ve had with friends, lovers, family. Yourself. You get to miss all the details because things are going too fast pow pow pow one after the other until it piles up and then you end up beating yourself up for small and simple mistakes…calm down and adjust yourself. You will be okay.

• I’m telling you fam- TAKE BREAKS. Give yourself moments to relax and rejuvenate before you push yourself!! You put too much pressure on yourself as it is

• connect with your inner feminine energy when you have the time—you gotta MAKE that time for yourself

• don’t be so neglectful in your relationships btw! Romantic, platonic, familial, wtv- learn how to manage your time so that you can separate work and assignments with social relations. Keep that communication up!! This includes your inner and outer voice. Reflect and acknowledge how you feel.

big focus: be more open minded to making new connections! spend more time with others. you’ll find emotional happiness and fulfillment in it :)

————————————

Ending Teddy note:

Hello hollywood people 😎 it has been a long minute! thank you for taking the time to read through this—YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Always remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! I’ll cya fam ciao :)

[deesseshesca]

PAC : How can you appreciate your body ?

I want to give you a hug ...

Good evening pretty soul ! I am so excited ... IS OFFICIALLY KINKTOBER ! DAY : 13-14

You want to have a sneak peak into my readings (for 2.22$), you can join my Chérie d'Amour (soul tribe)

SEX Doula =SALE READING

PILE 1

To appreciate your body more, begin by recognizing that the discomfort or doubts you're feeling are temporary. You’re not stuck, and by embracing the natural changes that come with life, you can start to see yourself with fresh eyes.

Use your inner wisdom to see through the insecurities that cloud your view. You’re sharp, perceptive, and capable of cutting through negative thoughts. Just as you respect your mind, show the same respect to your body. It deserves appreciation for its strength and uniqueness.

The habits or thoughts that have held you back are loosening their grip. This is your chance to free yourself from those old patterns, to accept your body in a way that liberates you. When you let go of that baggage, you’ll create space for something new—a healthy and loving connection with yourself.

Someone is about to enter your life, and this new relationship will reflect the love and acceptance you’re starting to cultivate within yourself. By embracing your body, you're preparing yourself for the affection and admiration that are headed your way.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

PILE 2

To truly appreciate your body, start by giving yourself the kindness and care you deserve. You’ve likely been giving so much of yourself, but it's important to receive that love, too. This means recognizing your worth and treating yourself with the same generosity you give to others.

Right now, you’re holding on to past trauma, and it’s keeping you stuck. The trust issues you carry are impacting your relationship, but they come from old wounds, not from what’s happening in the present. Accusing your partner of things without proof isn’t helping; it’s only creating distance. You’ve been through a lot, and it's understandable that trust is hard for you, but by holding on to those fears, you're adding weight to the relationship that isn’t necessary.

You’re nurturing and strong, but it's important to nurture yourself, too. Give yourself permission to release the need for control or suspicion. When you stop letting your fears guide you, you’ll notice how much lighter things become. Your partner has shown you that they’re not doing the things you're afraid of, but until you trust yourself and the love in your relationship, these fears will keep resurfacing.

It’s time to slow down, reflect, and understand that your partner isn’t your past. The more you focus on healing and trusting, the more your relationship will thrive. By appreciating your body, you'll start to ground yourself in the present, letting go of those old habits that are no longer serving you. This will give both you and your partner the space to grow and love each other in a healthier way.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

PILE 3

Okay, here’s the deal: to appreciate your body more, you need to stop thinking you're stuck in a cycle of feeling bad about it. That feeling? It’s temporary. Your body is always changing, and so can your thoughts about it.

You’re smart, and you know better than to keep being hard on yourself. It’s time to see your body the way you see your mind—strong and worth respecting. Don’t let your own negative thoughts drag you down.

Those old habits that made you doubt yourself? They're starting to fade. You're ready to let go of them and embrace your body for the amazing thing it is.

Once you do that, things will start falling into place. The universe has good things in store for you, but you need to clear out the doubts first. And guess what? There’s someone great coming into your life soon. By loving and accepting your body now, you’re making space for all the good things waiting for you.

💌 : Dear Chérie d'Amour, if you wanna to UNLOCK your sexual potential you can always join ''CHÉRIE D'AMOUR'' for only 2.22$/month you have access to audio pac, extended writing pac, collective pac. A place where we can build our little community. This week pac is : How can you give yourself self love in a sexual setting ?

[soulofapatrick]

Sheltered by Love - Evan Buckley x Male Reader

Summary: You still have nightmares months after Buck died and came back from the lighting strike

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: none really

Y/N's POV

As the storm rumbled outside, the firehouse seemed to vibrate with each distant boom of thunder. In the dimly lit bunkroom, the rhythmic breathing of sleeping firefighters fills the air, the B shift getting as much rest as they can before they’re needed. I’m only among them as Bobby, Captain of the 118, sent me to try and get some sleep before the next call so I had settled into a restless nap, exhaustion finally catching up with me after a long shift.

But as the storm intensified, my dreams twist into something far more sinister. I found yourself standing in the midst of chaos, surrounded by flashing lights and deafening sirens. And there, at the centre of it all, was Buck—his vibrant smile replaced by a look of shock as a bolt of lightning strikes him down again. 

The jolt of waking up is abrupt as the lighting strikes Buck, my heart hammering in my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins as the memory of the vision lingers, haunting me. With trembling hands, I push myself upright in the cot, sweat-soaked sheets clinging to my skin. Ignoring the fatigue that weighs heavy on my limbs, I’m stumbling out the bunkroom, feet fumbling against the cool floor in my boots. The storm outside mirrors the turmoil within me, each clap of thunder echoing the panic rising in my chest. 

The firehouse feels like a labyrinth as I stumble through its corridors, my heart pounding in my chest with each step. The storm outside seems to intensify, matching the turmoil within me, as if nature itself is reflecting my inner chaos. Hen finds me first, her presence a grounding force in the midst of my panic. 

She presses a gentle hand to my forehead, concern etched in her features as she tries to coax me back to bed. But I can't relent, not when the memory of Buck's vulnerable form still lingers in my mind, haunting me with its stark reality. I struggle against her, my voice trembling as I insist that I need to find Buck.

Embarrassing tears sting my eyes as I plead with her, my desperation laid bare for all to see. Hen's expression softens, understanding dawning in her eyes as she realises the depth of my fear. With a comforting touch, she leads me up the stairs to the kitchen area where Buck and Eddie are seated in the two armchairs, deep in conversation.

Relief floods through me at the sight of Buck, his presence a balm to my frayed nerves. But as I approach, my steps falter, uncertainty gnawing at my resolve. Will he understand the depth of my fear, the way his near miss has shaken me to the core? 

Hen's reassuring hand on my shoulder is all the encouragement I need. With a shaky breath, I step forward, my eyes meeting Buck's with a mixture of relief and vulnerability.

“B-Buck," I manage, my voice barely above a whisper. He looks up from his conversation with Eddie, concern furrowing his brow as he takes in my disheveled appearance.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asks, his voice gentle but filled with genuine concern.

As I stand before Buck, my heart racing with a mixture of fear and longing, he reaches out with a gentle yet firm hand, pulling me down onto his lap. The suddenness of the movement catches me off guard, but before I can protest or even react, I find myself cradled against his chest, his warmth enveloping me like a protective cocoon.

His concerned gaze meets mine, brows furrowed in genuine worry as he takes in my disheveled appearance. "Hey, what's going on?" His voice is soft, filled with a tenderness that sends a shiver down my spine as he asks again.

I struggle to find my voice, to articulate the jumble of emotions swirling within me. But as I gaze into his eyes, the words seem to evaporate, leaving only a raw vulnerability in their wake. Without waiting for a response, Buck wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer as if sensing the depths of my turmoil. I sink against him, my body moulded to his like pieces of a puzzle fitting seamlessly together.

The warmth of his embrace seeps into my bones, banishing the chill of uncertainty that had gripped me moments before. My palm instinctively presses against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips. In that intimate moment, there's no room for pretence or hesitation. It's just Buck and me, united in our shared vulnerability, our unspoken desires simmering beneath the surface. 

And as he rubs soothing circles on my back, I can't help but wonder if he feels the same magnetic pull that I do, the unspoken connection that binds us together in moments of crisis. 

"The lightning," I choke out, the words tumbling from my lips in a rush, my voice barely above a whisper. Buck's surprised sound sends a jolt of embarrassment through me, amplified by Eddie's studious gaze. I bury my face in the crook of Buck's neck, wishing I could disappear into the safety of his embrace.But instead of recoiling, Buck covers the hand pressed against his chest with his own, pressing it firmer against his heartbeat. The gesture is both comforting and intimate, sending a shiver down my spine as I feel the warmth of his touch seep into my skin.

Eddie clears his throat, breaking the tense silence that hangs between us. "I, uh, think I left something in the truck," he says hastily, his eyes flickering between Buck and me. "Hen, want to give me a hand?” 

Hen nods, shooting me a sympathetic glance before following Eddie out of the room. Alone at last, Buck turns his attention back to me, his expression soft with concern and something more. 

With gentle hands, he manoeuvres me until I'm straddling his waist, his warmth seeping into every fibre of my being. His touch is electric, sending sparks dancing across my skin as his thumb soothes over my cheek. 

Every instinct in me screams to hide, to retreat into the safety of my own thoughts and emotions. But as I feel Buck's steady gaze on me, a flicker of determination ignites within me. I force myself to meet his eyes, willing him to see the depth of my feelings, the longing that simmers beneath the surface.

And as if sensing my silent plea, Buck moves his fingers to hook under my chin, drawing me closer until our lips are just inches apart. The anticipation crackles in the air between us, palpable and electric, as he leans in to capture my lips in a soft, tentative kiss. 

In that moment, everything falls into place. The warmth of his embrace, the tender caress of his lips against mine—it all feels so right, so achingly familiar. And as we melt into each other, the outside world fades into insignificance, leaving only the two of us, bound together by an unspoken promise of love and understanding.

As we pull away from the kiss, our hearts beating as one, Buck's arms wrap around me in a tight, protective embrace. The warmth of his body against mine sends a shiver of contentment down my spine, and I find myself melting into his embrace, lost in the comfort of his touch.

"I'm here," he murmurs against my ear, his breath warm and soothing against my skin. "I'll always be here for you.” His words are like a lifeline in the storm, grounding me in the present moment and banishing the ghosts of doubt that still linger in the corners of my mind. With him, I feel safe, cherished, and wholly loved. 

As the thunder continues to rumble outside, a symphony of nature's fury, Buck's presence is the calm at the centre of the storm. He holds me close, rocking me gently in his arms, the rhythm of his movements a lullaby that soothes me back into the gentle embrace of sleep. With each sway, each comforting murmur, I feel myself drifting further and further into a blissful oblivion, the worries of the world fading away until there is nothing left but the two of us, bound together by an unspoken promise of love and understanding.

And as I finally succumb to the embrace of sleep, cradled in Buck's arms, I know that no matter what challenges may lie ahead, we'll face them together, hand in hand, hearts entwined in a love that knows no bounds. 

911 Masterlist TAG LIST - updated 21st Dec 2023

[thecosmicangel]

Do you feel you’re struggling with manifesting? Well here’s a manifesting rant + my experience & advice.

Hope you find it useful and helps you out 💗✨

You may not notice or realize but are you forcing things to happen? If you are too focused on "forcing" something to happen in the physical reality/3d it will just bring in more resistance & "blockages or delays", instead of trying to force the 3d to change or make it happen, focus on shifting your perspective, because if you are trying to make something happen or force it to happen it most likely means you still don't believe you have your manifestation & you don't believe in your power to make things happen. I must admit that when I was beginning loa and using affirmations I would affirm for hours expecting myself to get instant results ( I was forcing myself to see & make things change in the 3d through affirmations). I was thinking that the affirmations were going to bring me the manifestation but then I would see no proof or movement show up for me which would make me think I didn't have my manifestation and that affirmations weren't working, but I realized affirmations aren't going to make anything happen if my mindset was still not changing. I would affirm for hours and then look for evidence or signs everywhere, which was me assuming I didn't have what I wanted. I was expecting instant results in the 3D when my mindset was the same & NOT changing yet. Affirmations are a helpful method to help you shift your mindset to believe in your assumptions & shift into desired reality. Its not that affirmations create your desired reality, it just helps reprogram your mind to change your perspective. If you catch yourself looking at the 3d to prove you right so you can then believe its possible or that it's already yours, you are not standing firm in your belief that you are the god of your reality and still giving the 3d more validation than yourself. If you truly believed in your manifestation being yours & that it is already done ,you would let go of the need to force a change in the 3d / validation from the 3D. Trust that eventually with repeating your affirmations you will get to the point where you believe what you are affirming, you will also understand that you are the operant power & the only change you need to focus on is your mind, your affirmations will become your dominant thoughts and will start to reflect back to the 3D= you experiencing your manifestation in the physical reality.

Now I don't mean to discourage anyone because we are experiencing the human experience and it's normal to experience sadness, anxiety, anger, or be impatient. Whenever you catch yourself thinking from lack, having negative thoughts, doubts, fears or looking outside of yourself for validation remember to take back your power and remind yourself of your power as the god of your reality. Affirm that everything you want is already yours. Be gentle and patient with yourself, even though things can happen instantly & overnight it is also normal for it to take some time to see the inner change manifest into the outer world. All you have to focus on is thinking in your favor and making sure your thoughts are in line with the new story & stop giving power/attention to the old story or thoughts that are not in line with what you want.

Time is simply an illusion because as humans we experience things in a logical sense or pattern, look at time as a way of measuring a set of pictures in motion. Think of it as if we didn’t experience time everything would be like watching a fast forward video on a loop and eventually you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference from the beginning, middle or end it would all just become a loop of pictures playing at a very fast speed and eventually the picture wouldn’t even be visible. The subconscious mind doesn't experience time, it is able to experience everything now that is why we are able to use our imagination. Tapping into the quantum field where infinite realities is possible with imagination. Think about it, whatever you want to imagine you could do so in this instant. Now i want you to imagine that you are in planet mars and it's snowing pink snow and you see a purple elephant walking in front of you. Did you imagine it? well you experienced that instantly as soon as you read it right? Well that's exactly what we mean when we say if you want validation go to your imagination/4d because the scene I described exist in the moment you imagined it you experienced by seeing it in your inner eye, you would only have to saturate your mind to believe you are there now and eventually you would see it in the physical form. Now some may say " well that's impossible because there's no way a purple elephant is in mars and its snowing pink snow" well that's not going to be possible for you if you have all those limiting beliefs, but if you were able to imagine it its very possible & real. Now some people may say " well its hard for me to visualize" well stop assuming that its hard. Start practicing visualization, start with small things and eventually work your self up to be able to visualize & be in your imagination with more ease.

Now let’s talk about dreaming, we all have dreams when we sleep right? Some dreams we don’t remember but we do most of them. I personally believe that dreams are our subconscious mind traveling to different dimensions or parallel realities, some dreams are more based on our subconscious programming, that is why you may dream of things you have been watching or hearing because our subconscious mind picks up on everything & our dreams are just a recollection of everything stored in our subconscious minds. Nightmares are just subconscious fears. Our subconscious mind is always telling us a story through our dreams about our deep beliefs or simply giving us glimpses of many infinite realities. This is why some dreams could seem prophetic because we get to travel different dimensions/ realities in our dreams. Lucid dreaming is when you become aware that you are dreaming which allows you to take control of your dream. Which is the same as real life, once you realize you are the god of your reality you are able to take control of your life and manifest what you want ( you are no longer sleeping on the fact of your power & who you are). Lucid dreaming can also be used as a portal to be able to astral project which is were your astral body is able to leave your physical body and you are able to go anywhere in the astral realm. The astral realm I would compare to our imagination/ 4D, where you can encounter other entities, spirits and things not visible to our naked eye. Now you see how you’re able to dream, lucid & astral project where so many things happen & time wasn’t a concern. Another phenomenon you hear so many stories of is people who go into comas for years and they wake up and say they remember the day before so for them time didn’t happen they simply woke up the next day, or some of them wake up and say they had a whole life while they were in a coma and wake up shocked that it wasn’t “real”. People are amazed at how such thing is possible but it may all be due to their subconscious being impacted due to accident/ trauma that put them in a coma which shifted them into a different reality, when they wake up from the coma they shift back to the reality they were in before the coma. (Now I have gone into a rant about dreams and parallel realities etc, so you may be like what’s your point? My point is that time is AN ILLUSION & that parallel infinite realities exist and we are always experiencing & have direct access to the quantum field everyday in our sleep/ meditative state, so why do you not believe that you are able to shift into your desired reality? Or rely so much on logic? Or just having doubts that affirmations aren’t working or doubting the law? The power of the subconscious mind is so big some can’t even comprehend how powerful it is!)

Now back to manifesting; A tip I would suggest is to meditate or take some time to pay attention to your thoughts or what your current beliefs are when you are not affirming, pay attention to any limiting beliefs, fears or doubts and why you have them. Once you catch these thoughts, replace those thoughts with the opposite affirmation , so for example if your manifesting an SP and you catch yourself thinking " what if he's with someone else" , " he's too busy to text me" or " what if it doesn't work out" make the affirmation " he only has eyes for me, he only wants me" ,"he always makes time for me, I am his top priority" , “everything is always working out in my favor all the time and things are better than I could ever imagine”. Stop worrying about the what ifs instead change your perspective to “ what if everything works out exactly or even better than I can imagine. " or affirm that you do not have any doubts about whatever it’s is you want. Basically for any negative thought simply replace it with the opposing thoughts that aids your new story.

Now remember even though you don't see movement in the 3d, trust that things are moving in your favor. Affirmations are a helpful method to shift your mindset in your favor, and helping you remove all limiting beliefs. Something that helped me realize I had my manifestations all along was that we are not "trying to get" our manifestation, what we are doing is removing all the limiting programming. We already have everything we want but the limiting beliefs, fears and doubts are in the way, giving off the illusion of lack. Fear is simply (False Evidence Appearing Real). Limiting perspective/ beliefs are obstructing our awareness that we already have our desires. We are already experiencing the life we want but we haven’t caught up to that moment yet in the 3D.

As always remember the power is in you, what you give your power/ awareness to becomes the dominant thoughts, which become your reality. So if you are seeing things that you don't want remember you gave it the power to become so, or it's simply just old programming playing out. The 3d, ego and time are always the last to the party. When you begin to reprogram your mind it might seem like all of the sudden opposing thoughts, fears and doubts begin to fill your mind but this is simply the ego trying to hold on to the old story, the ego is always trying to protect itself because it is scared of "dying"/change so it will do anything to protect you. The ego is aware of the internal change, it knows that what it knew & was familiar with is dying out so it goes into panic mode & fights for its survival. Just reassure yourself everything is fine, there is no reason to be scared and simply continue to feed into the new story that you want.

⚡️work on regulating your nervous system, there is tons of videos on YouTube with nervous system regulation meditations, and breathing techniques. I usually do this every Sunday to reset & regulate my nervous system, but you can also do this as needed if you are dealing with lots of anxiety.

⚡️Worrying/ doubting is giving power to the things you don’t want. ( as long as they are not your dominant thoughts they won’t manifest)

⚡️before I was able to receive my manifestation in the 3D I told myself to look at it as a movie , my desire was the end of the movie and everything in between was the unfolding / current reality / present moment. Even though I watched the ending only ( my assumption/ affirmations) I didn’t know how the movie was going to unfold. Even if the movie showed no clues or did not point at all to how it would it end, I already knew the ending of the movie so I wasn’t going to question it because I already saw the ending and knew it would happen for a fact. (If you are not seeing any movement, it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening for you, you will eventually be hit in the face with all your manifestation in full force).

⚡️From my experience I realized I had manifested my breakup with my sp, I realized I started to think of the worst scenarios, what could go wrong due to past relationships, I also started assuming that my sp was going to become distant and end things with me and that ended up happening. The same power I had to create the breakup was also the same power I had to bring us back together. When we were apart I realized how I had manifested/ created him to act the way he did whether for good or bad, this realization was shortly after I found the law of assumption. Sometimes it’s helpful to analyze or reflect back on how you have manifested previous things whether people/ money/ situations/ literally anything. It helps you become aware of your thoughts / beliefs or if certain methods helped more than others . For me I realized day dreaming or ( visualization ) is a strong method for me.

⚡️limit your loa, manifesting content to a few couple people. Too much information can lead you to feel lost or feel like you aren’t doing enough.

⚡️stick to a method / routine that works for you, you don’t have to try every single challenge or method. This implies you feel what you are doing isn’t enough or isn’t working.

⚡️you create your rules, you don’t have to stick to anyone’s rules, you don’t even have to take my advice you decide what you want to believe in or what you believe to work for you.

⚡️be patient with yourself!!!! Things can change in your favor at any moment now! If you are having a “bad day” and catch yourself spiraling, feeling anxious or everything is the opposite of what you are manifesting, simply give yourself some time to breathe and collect your thoughts, when you have ease down your nerves remind yourself that even with what you are being shown you can still change things because you are the god of your reality, nothing is impossible.

⚡️stop looking at the 3D for progress or proof!! Always go within.

-xoxo, the cosmic angel ⭐️🪽

[lotusmi]

healing your journey in 23 steps

⭒ Edward Art series in a nutshell! 💌 As you probably know, I summarized all 23 posts from Edward Art series! You can read all those posts fully here. This post is the collection of my fav quotes from every single part! » Edward teaches the law based in Neville books and lectures. His posts made my journey lighter and more simple, so I hope you can feel lighter reading it too! I really recommend you to read it :) If those quotes don't align with your personal beliefs, just ignore it ♡

💬 may u have a lovely read... ♡

1: No one or nothing to change but Self

Remove having to get things. Remove stress. Simply imagine what you want with the feeling of actual freedom to do so.

fulfill it mentally (your desire). Remove rules. Remove consequences. Remove the outer-world when you imagine. Remove all ideas of what you "should do" or "have to do." Do what you want (within).

do not care about how it will happen or when, or even if it is possible.

★ Do not stress yourself trying to change the mirror, but focus on changing self. Go within and fulfill your desires in imagination.

2: Let go of control, and control Self

There is no objective reality.

"Never blame, only resolve." - Neville

let go to the HOW. let go of controlling your outer-world and control yourself. The world is reflecting self. And "Self" is everything you think you HAVE and ARE.

do anything you wish in your mind. You are so powerful in your mind that NOBODY can imprison you. It is entirely up to you, to be what you desire to be in your mind.

3: He who will not live by love must be subdued by fear

You can remove ALL your fears if you do what you want in your mind.

the goal is to NOT change each and every fearful thought. It is not to argue and contemplate on the fear.

NEVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR FEARFUL THOUGHTS. Never blame, only resolve them within. You have the power to resolve to what you want. Don't waste that power on blaming yourself.

you are ALWAYS GREATER than what you are creating in your mind.

We are NOT trying to manipulate reality or force some change upon this physical world. That will happen NATURALLY. Why? Because your world is REFLECTING SELF.

CHANGE SELF BY DOING AND HAVING WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR MIND.

Do you not realize you only get what you want when you give it to yourself?

4: Inner self must be exalted

It comes down to who you think you are. Who you are identifying yourself with. In order to feel completely free, you must identify yourself with the one within you.

When Neville says "Leave the world just as it is and change self. No one to change but self," he means the self that is within, the only self there is. Why leave the world alone? Because it is only an expression of "SELF!" Why does he say to change that and that alone? Because "SELF MUST BE EXPRESSED," that is the Law. You don't have to doubt "is my imaginal act going to come to pass?" Who is doubting? "SELF!" Who is worrying? "SELF!" What gets expressed? "SELF!" YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST THAT SELF WILL BE EXPRESSED!

Discard the outer-world and that includes your identification with this body. This is ALL an EXPRESSION OF THAT "SELF."

identify yourself from within and you will grant your every wish from within.

since you identify yourself with outer-world and outer-self instead of your True Self and inner-world where everything is possible, you remain stuck.

identify yourself, not with this world, but with the one within, the one who is truly desiring.

5: Imagining is FUN

Thoughts come FROM your FEELING.

thought HAS NO POWER OF ITS OWN. That means the thought HAS NO TRUTH IN ITSELF.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY IF YOU ARE HAVING THE "RIGHT" THOUGHTS OR IF YOU SAYING THE "RIGHT" THINGS IN YOUR MIND. NO MORE TRYING TO THINK PERFECTLY.

You create the feeling you want and from that thoughts come. That is a STATE [!!!]. Remove this idea that beliefs are hard to change and they are blockages in your subconscious.

bring yourself back to the Creator. Stop identifying yourself with the thoughts and understand they are coming FROM the FEELING.

FEEL what you have ALWAYS WANTED to feel, you will NATURALLY THINK-FROM that position. THAT IS A STATE. THAT IS LIVING IN THE END.

FREE YOURSELF IN YOUR MIND ENTIRELY. Stop caring if it will happen or what will happen, REALITY IS YOUR MIND. IT REFLECTS "SELF."

6: Honey

REMOVE ALL RULES!

"Should I? I Must! I Have To!"

These are rules we create in the Mind. Why do we do it? We do for the simple reason that we are trying to control the world. With our physical actions we are trying to control it.

(People who create rules) think the world is outside of them so they create all these rules to control it.

Start with the feeling that, "I can have and feel whatever I want in my mind."

★ free yourself of the rules you (or others) created. Free yourself in your mind. Fulfill your desires within as you want to.

7: I Am not going to tell you "You are Crazy"

we should do everything we want in our minds with no fear. Doing what we want, which is so simple, frees us.

The moment I have any desire in me, I fulfill it. I don't care what it is, how "big" or "small"! I DO NOT CONDITION IT OR WONDER IF IS POSSIBLE ANYMORE OR "GOING TO WORK".

If you really see your mind as the reality, and you fulfill your desires within, you will see how stupid it all is.

the greatest Self-Concepts, the greatest Feelings, the greatest Thoughts are the ones you WANT to have.

start with changing self radically. See yourself entirely different by feeling what you want to be.

When the feeling or desire comes upon you, THAT is the time to ACCEPT IN FULLNESS! Do not wait, do not put it off. Accept in fullness. That is truly what you want to do!

8: Feeling & SELF

Studying [the law] is one thing, actually accepting it another.

EVERYTHING is an assumption. All those thoughts you are thinking are assumptions, and THE MIND DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

how does one feel? The word is ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPT (your desire) ANYWAYS, ENTIRELY ACCEPT IT IN THE MIND!

Create this wonderful habit of accepting every wonderful desire that comes to you. Then you will become normal.

I thought we were suppose to manipulate and control the world. I thought we were suppose to imagine a scene and repeat over and over until it happened. I was wrong. "NO ONE OR NOTHING TO CHANGE BUT SELF!"

when you are panicking about so-so or what might happen or this or that, remember ONLY CHANGE SELF! There is nothing else to change, or nobody else you must change!

SELF is the way to control and manipulate the world. SELF is who you think you are and what you think you have WITHIN! This is a feeling.

9: If I Am then I will Be

"Nothing to change but SELF", "Feeling is the secret." Well, if there is nothing to change but self, how is feeling the secret? In order to change self, it changes through FEELING. This is so important because so many times, I have and others repeated countless affirmations to see little if any results. We repeat it 1000 times, hope it "sticks in the subconscious." Then we hear about feeling so we force feeling into it, and it changes us for a bit but then it becomes exhausting. It becomes exhausting because we feel that we HAVE TO feel this specific feeling or else.

There is no HAVE TO, but WANT TO. FEEL what you WANT to Feel. You discover what you want to feel by asking SELF inside. FEEL that. It does not matter what it is, just something you have always wanted to feel. This is what changes us.

Forcing affirmations, forcing feelings is not what you want. If you just changed the intention to feeling it because you want to feel it, because you want to fulfill all your desires within yourself with feeling, then you would be far happier.

SELF cannot fail at expressing. And SELF is ALL that you FEEL to BE and HAVE in your MIND! Allow yourself the freedom of FEELING what you want with no worry.

So SELF or yourself cannot fail you. You always express what you FEEL to be and FEEL to have. There is NO OTHER CREATOR IN YOUR MIND. None. You are doing it ALL in your mind. You give or you take. There is no other God in the Mind but you.

We are what we feel to be and have in Imagination and this dream world shapes to US.

10: Fearful Of Magnificence?

We should go beyond just granting wishes and start seeing ourselves highly in our minds.

You learn to stop fearing the wonderful feelings by seeing it is YOU who is holding yourself back.

Once you break through your own fear of wonderful feelings, you will see it was you all along. All fear are mental imaginings that you are creating within yourself. Knowing, you bring the power of CREATION BACK TO YOURSELF.

11: Self Identification

How can I BE what I want?

It lies in your IDENTIFICATION OF SELF. Do not be afraid but IDENTIFY yourself FULLY with the INNER MAN. The immortal you. The one that can do ANYTHING it wants. The one who owns the world and all that is in it. If you identify yourself with the inner man, you will be free.

The outer man see's nothing but limitations. He lives in desire. Too many of us have identified ourselves with what the outer-man HAS and IS, not seeing it is a reflection of the INNER MAN.

See what you HAVE and what you claiming yourself to BE WITHIN. THAT is what is reflected always.

You do not have to persuade others to help you [!!!]; all you need do is believe you are what you want to be and then let the world (which is nothing more than yourself pushed out) go to work to make your assumption possible. - Neville

How can you "believe you are what you want to be" when you the world is showing you otherwise? Again it comes down to "SELF" IDENTIFICATION. Conceptions of ourselves are what WE FEEL OURSELVES, OUR INNER MAN TO BE. The Inner Man has all the freedom to see and feel what it wants to be.

To the Inner Man EVERYTHING ALREADY IS TRUE, not to the outer. IT ALREADY IS SO, to the Inner Man. There is no convincing necessary, no 1,000 affirmations, no repeating over and over hoping it works, IF YOU IDENTIFY YOURSELF WITH THE INNER MAN.

You did not imagine "How" to get there, you are already there in imagination. Your issue is NOT in imagining the end, your issue lies in who you are identifying yourself with. If you imagine yourself in the end, which is easy, but then you identify yourself with the outer-man, you will breed nothing but frustrations.

"Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be" - Neville

Leave the world as it is, with all of its denials and change yourself within and see how it is yourself pushed out.

So discard all beliefs of what you think you are, or what you have been called etc, and Identify yourself with the One Within and you will be free.

12: Personal Reality

stop thinking about the outer-world. You get rid of this 3D reality. You then FEEL that your inner world is YOUR reality. Your own PERSONAL reality, where you can do, have, and be what you want.

We are not trying to "make something happen" or "hope it manifests," rid yourself of these feelings. They will do nothing but block the wonderful feelings and experiences you want to have within. This is your own personal reality.

Once you create this personal reality where everything seems to go lovely, you will see that there is no one to blame for what you were previously imagining. Taking all responsibility for what happens WITHIN us, we can then use that power to change what we want WITHIN us.

13: No Permission Needed

Remember the outer-world is a reflection of what the INNER MAN has, is and does in their own Personal Inner Reality. That is you.

if we wish to have radical change, let's radically change the INNER MAN. Give the INNER MAN what they want. That is, radically change your own Personal Inner Reality.

"DARE to assume" DARE to FEEL (accept) what you want. Without doing that, you remain as you are.

THE INNER MAN NEEDS NO PERMISSION! THE INNER MAN DOES NOT CARE WHETHER OR NOT IT IS POSSIBLE! So in your Personal Reality, your Mind, understand you need no permission to FEEL what you want to feel. No permission whether not it is "possible". Identify yourself with the INNER MAN who is FREE to do, feel and be what they want!

Your Personal Inner Reality is not bound by the facts of this life. In the Reality Within, you can go back in memory and change what you want. It is YOURS to change!

Your Personal Inner Reality is not bound by the facts of this life. In the Reality Within, you can go back in memory and change what you want. It is YOURS to change!

Daily FEEL what you want to feel and experience what you want in Imagination which is your true SELF, the SELF that is reflected in front of you.

14: The God Of The World Of Imagination!

There is this world, the World of the Senses, and there is another world, the World of Imagination. There is a Man who experiences the World of the Senses, which we call the Outer-Man. Then there is another Man who experiences the World of Imagination. We call that Man the INNER MAN.

The Outer-Man sees the limitations and restrictions in the World of the Senses. The Outer-Man feels he is limited and confined to the ‘facts’ of life. The Outer-Man goes through life fully convinced that this World of the Senses is happening to him not from him. He uses only his five senses to move in this World. So naturally he feels like a victim and desires to control this world through the means of force, manipulation etc. The Outer-Man feels fear that life can throw at him things that he is not prepared for. Situations he does not want to encounter but since he feels powerless, he fears the future. Since he cannot change the past, he guilt himself over it. This is how he is limited.

Then there is the Inner-Man who lives in the World of Imagination. In this World, he is unlimited and can create what he wishes. He is free beyond measure and everything that he can be conceive of is his. Everything. Not one thing is not his because he is the Creator of it!

THERE IS NO OBJECTIVE OUTER-MAN. The Outer-Man is simply an expression of the Inner Man. The only Man that exists is the Inner Man. There is NO OBJECTIVE WORLD OF THE SENSES. The World of the Senses, is but the expression of the World of Imagination.

The Inner Man can convince himself that he is this Outer-Body living in this dangerous world but he is still the Inner Man fooling himself into that!

PART 15: Awakening

What the Inner Man FEELS himself to BE and FEELS himself to HAVE in the World of Imagination is what will be EXPRESSED in this World of the Senses.

you are an INNER individual living in the World Of Imagination. In this World, you are God. You can imagine anything. All things are possible here in this world, INCLUDING the FULFILLMENT of your desire. You can change SELF to what you want. And SELF is what you THINK you HAVE and what you THINK you ARE in this World of Imagination. Read that sentence again. And SELF, THAT SELF, is what is EXPRESSED.

As you read this, you are living in this 3D world. You own things within it, you HAVE things. Based on what you HAVE in this 3D world, you create identities for yourself. Remember, we CLAIM we ARE things BASED on what we THINK WE "HAVE."

stop identifying yourself with this 3D world, which is simply an expression of INNER SELF, if you stop identifying yourself with what this 3D person "HAS," and start identifying yourself with the INNER MAN, you will see the freedom.

in this 3D world, we give ourselves identities based on what we THINK (FEEL) we HAVE. So if we can identify ourselves with the INNER MAN, and in that world we HAVE the things we want, we can then give ourselves a new identity.

stop thinking you are "only imagining" this. I want you to stop thinking what you are seeing in your mind is "fake." I want you to stop reacting to what you do not want to react to you. I want you to stop FEELING limited by this World of the Senses. I want you to stop worrying about HOW or WHEN it is going to happen and instead FEEL secure KNOWING this 3D world reflects what your INNER SELF HAS AND IS WITHIN. I want you to FEEL you are limitless within because you are! You do not have to bow down to this world and accept what you THINK it says about you. I want you to FEEL yourself to be the creator of everything within you.

Can you accept that you HAVE what you want because you see yourself (INNER SELF) with it, and everything in this World of Imagination is yours and is real?

PART 16: "What Else?"

How I enter into a New State of Consciousness? Death. Death is the only way. How does one die to a State of Consciousness? By surrendering to the New State. You cannot enter into a New State taking with you all the limitations, questions, and worries of the Old State. The Inner Self must be exalted but it cannot be exalted by holding 2 contradictory States.

When you imagine having exactly what you want in your mind, you do not question anything, you do not worry, you do not wonder "what if," you do not entertain the Old State and its limitations for one second. You die to it entirely.

You cannot bring your current limitations, worries, questions and FEELINGS with you to your New State.

The States or Concepts you hold in the Imagination are nothing but things you "hold." That is it. You think because the concept you are holding is reflecting in your world somehow makes it more "real?" I assure you it is not. It does not really matter if it is being reflected.

PART 17: Dream The Dream

remove the outer-world and remove the idea of "trying to manifest" and simply have the attitude of changing your INNER WORLD to your liking. Here is nothing to do, nothing to force on the outside. You change it, you mold it, you feel it and you do it all within you. You create a new dream, a perfect dream within you.

To "try to manifest," is a feeling. "Trying to get, trying to resolve, trying to make something happen," are FEELINGS you take with you before you imagine. These feelings are what disrupt you from actually FEELING what you want to feel. Instead FEEL that you are solely going to re-imagine, or re-dream a new dream WITHIN YOU and you will change you FEELING how you feel within. These changes is what expresses itself in the world. So if you wish to change the outer-world, leave it alone. Leave it alone and go within and change THAT WORLD, the world WITHIN. Change who you are THERE, change what you have THERE, change how you are treated THERE. Dream up a new World Within!

PART 18: Expansion

what you are seeing in your mind is not fake. And not only is it NOT fake, you can shape it PRECISELY how you want to shape it.

In order to actually lose yourself in the imaginal act, one must accept it is real and let go entirely of the outer-world. One must suspend rational thinking, and just accept it is real.

In order to access this feeling you must not be afraid to assume it is Real. If you are not FEELING it then that means you are still bound by your senses and this outer-world. You need to allow yourself the Freedom to Expand BEYOND the rational mind that is keeping you from experiencing your Wish being granted. You cannot be afraid anymore to feel and imagine what you want.

PART 19: Boldness

Your Mind is your own Personal Reality and you have the power to shape it PRECISELY, and FEEL what you want in it!

This is about giving the Inner Self what you want.

PART 20: Receptivity

Now we come to Denying. That is to say that we must truly let go of what the Outer World is showing us. True Denial is not looking at your World and merely repeating, "It does not exist," but is actually ACCEPTING the new reality within you. You do not deny being unwanted, by stating your are not unwanted. You deny unwantedness with the ACCEPTANCE of being wanted. It is our ACCEPTANCE of our Imagination which is our DENIAL of the senses. So Denying is not something you do, it is the implication of your ACCEPTANCE of the Imaginal Scene.

To stress yourself on whether you are "denying" the evidence of your senses enough is an unnecessary stressor. You do not fight against your senses for they only reflect you. Because "True Denial" as Neville says is "total indifference." But to be totally indifferent about your senses, you must ACCEPT your Imagination as the Reality. To become "indifferent" is an emerging consequence of accepting Imagination as the One and Only Reality.

You cannot wait for the world to change to what you want. You must change what you are and have in Imagination. If you are tired of what your world is reflecting, you can be confident it will keep reflecting that until you change YOU inside your Consciousness. This calls for radically giving yourself what you desire IN Consciousness.

PART 21: Irrationality 

Chances are you truly are NOT giving yourself what you want because you feel some impossibly in it. Forget that. All things are possible in the Imagination. Do it anyway. Just do it. Do what? What you deeply want. Do you for only you, you Inner Self.

PART 22: The Dreamer

Never seeing he is the Creator, the Cause he always fails. The idea that he does not have to do anything, he does not have to work his way out - this idea is lunacy to the Outer-Man. He thinks, "No, there must be a way that I just have not figured out yet." So he goes on seeking outside of himself, yet he himself is a desiring self, and only seeing his reflection, he only see's his desires. Never obtaining them, always seeking them, frustrations, rage, jealousy all stir up within him. Hating his world, hating what he see's, hating his own reflection he wants to destroy it. He cannot win because he lives in a position of fear and failure, and what is within will be without because Man can only give what is within himself.

If only he were to stop hating his reflection, and saw that the mirror only reflects what he is doing, he would be free. If only he were to see the mirror is stationary and does not judge but simply reflects. If only he were to see himself in the mirror and see he is the Creator, he would be free.

He does not have to cope with his limitations, he does not have to fight his way out. He will stop feeling after his fears and become indifferent about them for they are his Creation and has no power over him.

The Dreamer abandons limitations and turns towards his desires and gives it to himself fully. The Dreamer will always dream beyond what his limitations dictate.

PART 23: Unconditional Thinking

To truly grasp the freedom that is attainable within you, you must understand the concept of States. A State is a belief about the yourself or what you believe you will experience, an attitude towards life. There are infinite statues (states) that lie dormant within you. They do not disappear, for nothing can disappear in Imagination. The acceptance that you are the State now, is what brings life to these dormant statues.

If entering into a New State within you is challenging it is because you have not accepted who you are within. You are not a State, but is God. As God within, whose permission are you asking for? To whom do you answer to? If there is only One Being within you, then who can stop you?

If you wish to rise as something New in Imagination, you have to give up entirely your currently thoughts/feelings, questions, worries, what you think of the world, what you think is possible, if you think you are worthy or not, if you deserve the New State etc.

"Don't tell me anything!" That is the secret. Total self-abandonment to the current State is the way to bring life towards the New State.

You have to die to what you do not want to express entirely, a true act of surrender. You can do it.

leave the world alone and go within and die to what you want to stop expressing and allow yourself to be what you want. Imagination is the evidence you are seeking for it is the only reality.

Assume all works in your favor to express your States. This is how the Imagination works. Everything within you is yourself for the taking. Think unconditionally.

💬 may u had a lovely read... ♡ i see u next post!

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hi!! Hope everything is going well!

Could I Please ask for some bottom buggy (mayhaps with some watersports since I saw you had a interest) or some ftm crocodile being fucked into submission!

Have a nice day.

Ftm Sir Crocodile x male reader

Ficlet

I love Sir Crocodile so much 🗣️ 🗣️

Reader is part of Buggy’s crew, cuz I thought that would be hilarious. Reader doesn’t have a devil fruit, but is still super kickass. Hes kind of the information gatherer, smuggler, etc, for the Buggy crew. Reader is also normal human height.

Mixed terminology for Crocs bits. Also, breeding/pregnancy? kink warning ig. but its just mentioned for the fantasy.

The Cross Guild appeared great for any outsider or lesser in the know members, which was most of them. They all saw your captain as someone great and almost godly, thinking he was so much more than he was, but you had been with him for many years, even before the Buggy pirates had even been created. Shortly after the execution of Rogers, Buggy had stumbled into your path and had accidentally saved your life, and from then on you had been by his side.

Most people thought of you as something akin to an accountant or treasurer, wearing an outfit that looked very much like that of a ringmaster, long red tailcoat and top hat and all. You were always one of the first to run away, giving you a reputation of a coward who couldn’t fight.

The only one who truly knew how much of a threat you could be, would be your captain and his inner circle, which you were also part of. You might not have been the strongest physically compared to someone like Mihawk, but no one could gather information like you could, smuggle like you could, or have someone “disappear” like you could. Your network was so extensive that even the one they called Joker, who you knew was none other than Donquixote Doflamingo, was jealous.

That was why you knew everything about Sir Crocodile and Mihawk before the day was over when the Cross Guild was formed. You cowered off to the side, keeping up your weak act as you flinched at their raised voices or the light reflecting off Crocodiles golden claw.

They believed you a weak fool who’s only worth was your quick mind and ability to calculate numbers quicker than most computers, which resulted in them mostly dismissing you. It was a role you basked in and felt comfortable, using it to keep your true identity under wraps. That was until they pushed your captain too far, as Crocodile especially seemed to take great pleasure in antagonizing and hurting your captain.

You were protective, most pirates were, if they felt any sense of loyalty to their captain. It was because of that, that you dug up a trusted contact, a celestial dragon with greater access to seastone than anyone else you knew. Using measurements from the moment’s clothes had to be made, a pair of cuffs in just the perfect size soon arrived to you with the post.

It was easy to press Crocodiles buttons, to get him worked up by acting stupid and pathetic, just the way you knew made his blood boil. It was even easier to enrage him so far that he chased after you, so blinded by his anger that he didn’t even notice how you kept avoiding his sand, or how you were leading him further and further away from the rest of the guild.

When he finally caught up, Crocodile caged you against the wall, hook digging into the drywall as he almost snarled down at you, cigar crunched between his teeth as his purple eyes blazed. But mild confusion crossed his face as your fearful expression dropped, his body straightening as your eyes met his head on. Before Crocodile could order an explanation, a feeling of weakness crashed through his body, making his knees buckle enough that you had to catch him, supporting his towering weight and bulk.

His vision swam as you started dragging him along, his feet dragging along the floor because of his height compared to your own. Crocodile felt dizzy and mildly nauseous, his eyes finally catching the heavy bands around his wrist, the one he still had left. “ssseastone?” he slurred out, voice lighter than the growl you were used too, cigar long forgotten somewhere along the journey.

In the beginning, you had planned on torturing him, the blades strapped to your person burning at the thought, but as you threw him down almost carelessly on a barely clad bed, a different through passed through your mind.

A slight thrill ran down your spine as his purple eyes burnt into you, his usual anger still present, but mixed with something else, something deeper and hungrier. Soft pants left Crocodiles lips, sounding faintly struggled as the seastone drained the power from his body, leaving him limp and pliant.

You could see the heat rising to Crocodiles cheekbones as you started stripping off your usual getup, tailcoat slid off your shoulders and neatly folded, top hat placed down with care. “What the hell are you doing…” Crocodile rasped from the bed, his pupils blown as an unfamiliar need unfolded inside him, the familiar thrum of pleasure running through body.

Maybe it was his weakened state, but he swore his cunt was pulsing with need, especially as you unbuttoned the stark white shirt you always wore, revealing a tightly muscled and heavily scarred body underneath, leather straps adorned with vials and weapons stretched across your torso.

Crocodile tried to shuffle his legs, maybe to squeeze his thighs together, or to spread them further apart, he wasn’t sure, but all he could do was a minimal twitch and jolt. “I planned on cutting you up, making you beg for mercy. But from the looks of it… you wouldn’t mind some other kind of discipline” you murmur, almost stalking towards him where Crocodile was splayed out on top of the white sheets.

You could see all his muscles tense as you let your hands climb up his legs, up his thighs and stomach, traveling all the way up his arms towards his hook. A choked off noise leaves Crocodile as you remove his hook with ease, like you had done it a thousand times before, placing it off to the side with care.

“Behave yourself” you tell him, squeezing the sides of his jaw to make his lips part. Crocodile tried to growl or snap a threat, to snap his teeth at you or somehow fight back, but his body was mostly unresponsive, his tongue feeling thick and useless in his mouth.

A shiver of anticipation ran through Crocodile as you moved again, settling between his thick spread thighs. Your eyes met as you reach for his belt, your brow lifting as if asking if he wanted you to stop. You may be a pirate, but you had class and manners, at least when it came to stuff like this.

But when all Crocodile responded with was a sour expression and glare, you make easy work of his belt and slacks, tugging them down his hips and legs, throwing them off to the side with little care. Your disregard for his clothes made Crocodile grumble, but the noise was quickly silenced as you pressed your entire hand against his slick underwear, fingers teasing his hard t-cock and soaked folds.

“Tsk tsk, look at you, bet you just need someone to put you in your place, is that it?” you mumble in an almost mocking tone, looking up at him with an almost feral hunger in your eyes. Crocodile chokes on the words that want to form in his throat, some kind of rebuttal perhaps, that he would never want someone as low as you to do anything to him, but as you pinch his cock between your fingers, it morphs into a shaky moan.

Crocodile’s boxers as easily pulled off, thrown to the floor with a damp plap, making his face redden further as you only find amusement in the obvious sign of his arousal. Kicking off your pants and boxers, you crawl up the bed and sit between his thick thighs, pushing them further apart to expose where he only grows slicker, hole clenching around nothing as if begging you to fill it.

“What would they say, seeing the great Sir Crocodile, spread out like this, ready to take the cock of a feeble weak treasurer” you taunt, pressing your hips closer to his, so that you could drag the tip of your cock up and down through his folds. The act has Crocodile arching as good as he can with the cuff on, his eyes squeezing shut as he clenches his jaw, a breathy noise leaving him, folds only growing slicker around you.

Maybe it was your size difference, with you being average human size, compared to Crocodiles almost 9 feet, or maybe it was his gut deep arousal, but his hole didn’t need much prep for you to be able to fit inside.

That didn’t mean you were just gonna give it to him, since this was supposed to be a lesson. A stuttery moan spills almost silently from Crocodiles lips as your fingers rub through his folds, barely pressing against where he wants you the most. He had never imagined himself in a situation like this, splayed out and dripping for you, someone he had always just seen as a nuisance, but here he was.

“Come on Crocodile… ask nicely” your tone is almost cruel as you push only two fingers inside him, barely felt because of his size, but just enough to rub against his wet gummy insides and leave him aching for more. Crocodiles jaw clenches, barring his teeth as his head weakly rolls to the side, as if to hide his face into the sheets.

“Or… I could just leave you here, thighs spread open, cunt glistening with want. Im sure someone will pass by, and who wouldn’t want a chance to fill this” as if to exaggerate your point, you push two more fingers into his slick hole, burying them as deep as possible into Crocodiles wet insides, punching a gasp out of him.

Crocodile seems to debate it, if he wants to put his pride aside for someone like you, but his thoughtprocess is knocked off course as you pinch his cock with your free hand, twisting it cruelly. Had he not been wearing the seastone cuff, his thighs would have clamped shut and a shout would have left him, but now all his body could do was tense up as a wet keen tumbled out of him.

“P…please” Crocodile finally mumbles, voice small and almost shy, but it can barely be heard over the wet slick sounds of your fingers thrusting in and out of him, his wetness running down your palm and wrist in the process.

“Hm?” you hum, the questioning tone in it clear, as if you didn’t hear him at all, giving his cock another twist just because you could. “fuck me… please…” is gasped out, Crocodiles insides clenching around your slick fingers as they rub and prod around inside him.

Your fingers movements slow to a stop, silence filling the room long enough for Crocodile to peek an eye open and look down at you. Your eyes are intense as they bore into his, the predatory flare in them making Crocodiles insides quiver. “Normally id demand better than that, but I’m starting to pity you” you scoff out, withdrawing your fingers from his hold with a slick noise.

Instead of wiping them off on the sheets, you use the large amount of slick that had gathered in your palm to slick up your shaft, releasing a huffed exhale as Crocodiles eyes widen at the sight. “I’ve thought about making you ride me, so you’ll have to make yourself take it, but we can’t do that right now, can we” you eye the cuff around his one wrist, making Crocodile growl and spit out a weak warbled “fuck you”

His insult carries no heat, clearly only for show, his glare quickly wiped off his face as you finally push inside him. Crocodile needs little time to adjust, resulting in you almost immediately setting a bruising rough pace, drawing in and out of him with loud wet slick noises, his hole gripping onto you as he gasps and moans.

Reaching down, you push his shirt up just enough to splay a hand across his lower stomach, a foxlike grin spreading across your lips as you watch his hips weakly roll into your own. “If you weren’t such an asshole, I could fuck you whenever. Imagine that Crocodile, walking around, cunt leaking my cum, as you try to play tough.” You chuckle darkly, tone thick and hungry in the way only a predatory animal could possess.

As your cock rams into that sensitive spot inside him, Crocodile is finally starting to realize you are truly more than you seem, his cunt drooling a wet puddle under him on the sheets as you take him with a new hunger, a glint appearing in your eyes as your hand presses down harder on his stomach.

“I could knock you up you know, right here.” Is hissed out as you bottom out inside Crocodile, the words making him tighten up and shiver in want. “No one would find you so scary then, would they Crocodile. Waddling around, fat with my kid” you purr, letting both your hands splay across his stomach. It was all fantasy, but by God did it make Crocodile wet and wanting. Something about the fantasy of you, some lesser subordinate knocking him, Sir Crocodile, up, had him seeing double.

The seastone didn’t help with his woozy state, all attempts at forming words only becoming half formed and slurred, Crocodiles eyes going wet and glassy as that familiar feeling spread through his body. “in… inside me…” Crocodile slurs as you curse to yourself, clearly close to the finish line as well. Had it not been for the cuffs, he would have thrown his legs around you, squeezing you against his body to keep you inside him, but all he could do now was beg.

Crocodiles pride crumbled as your fingers squeezed his cock one last time, a pure orgasmic expression crossing his face as he gasped and moaned, his entire body twitching weakly as he came, wetting your cock and the sheets even further as the feeling thrummed through his entire body.

With a deep groan you bottom out inside Crocodile for a last time, letting your eyes squeeze shut as you spill inside him, coating his insides in a thick coat of white. Crocodile whimpers weakly at the feeling, trying to squeeze around you as if to milk your length for more.

He slumps against the sheets further than he already is, eyes falling shut in a relaxed exhausted expression. Crocodile barely notices as you pull out, white leaking out from between his folds to join his own mess on the sheets. He barely even notices you cleaning him up, only twitching and gasping softly when you clean up between his legs.

Its only when the seastone cuff leaves his wrist that Crocodile returns to himself somewhat, as the familiar feeling of his devilfruit washes through his body again. Squinting his eyes open, he catches sight of you getting dressed again, tucking on your shirt, then your coat, and lastly placing your hat on top of your head.

Even with his devilfruit returned to him, Crocodile still feels weak and exhausted, but the good type of exhausted one only gets after a good fuck. Part of him wants to ask you to stay, to hold him and pet his hair, to maybe mumble more dirty fantasies about knocking him up, and how you’d make him live as your pretty little housewife. But instead, Crocodile just grunts to get your attention, his attempt to demand to know where you are going.

“I have to get back to the others, since ill be taking over your duties for the rest of the day and tomorrow” you say, voice resolute and not allowing any denial or struggle. And normally Crocodile would have growled and rejected anyone taking over his duties, but for some reason, the idea of you taking care of him made him relax deeper into the bed, muscles lax and thoughts empty and calm for once.

Approaching him, you press a soft kiss to his forehead before telling him “this room is hidden away from everyone else, so take all the time you need. Ill check up on you later” as you pat his cheek. After telling him where the bathroom is, where he could find towels and replacement sheets and blankets, you were on your way, leaving Crocodile on his lonesome.

It took a while, but he finally pushed himself into a seated position before getting to his feet. The feeling of your cum trickling down the insides of his thighs as the familiar heat of arousal burning inside him once more, making Crocodile shuffle towards the bathroom you had pointed him towards. Even though you had just left, he could still get himself off a few more times from just the memory alone.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad to be disciplined by you, he wondered how you’d react if he caused issues with your smuggling routes. The idea sent a line of heat up his spine as he stepped into the shower, hand quickly traveling between his thighs, fingers burying themselves into his still sensitive hole, fantasies of hungry glare and cruel fingers filling his mind.

[mrsackermannx]

trust me with it | choso kamo

choso has experienced so much of what it is to be human already, but you're slowly making him realise that he's far more human than he thought.

word count: 7k

tagging: (ya’ll interacted with my interact to be tagged post back in November🥺) @meownotgood @sixpennydame @tomuraslut @romantichomicide95 @cathybarn @c-h-e-r-r-i-e-s @whatthefucksatan @loveackermannn + @p00pdev1l (have to tag you my beloved <3)

tags: 18+ canonverse choso kamo x fem!sorcerer reader, minor manga spoilers, (nothing plot wise is mentioned other than yuuji and megumi reuniting/implied culling games arc/ post shibuya incident arc), loss of virginity (virgin choso) but still soft dom choso, corruption kink too I guess?? choso has a big dick, breeding kink, size kink, slight praise kink, belly bulge, unprotected sex, use of "human/little human," light love confession/confession of feelings-so sex with feelings? low-key self indulgent, not beta read, vvv intense sex, possessive/smitten choso (slightly yandere at the end??)

author’s note 💌: (nov 23): hope this isn’t a little too ooc, ive been dying to write something for choso and this came to me so i had to write it! virgin characters are my faves to write🤭(june 24): I HAVE HAD THIS SAT IN MY DRAFTS SINCE NOVEMBER AND WANTED TO SET IT FREE😭😭😭

Choso had been plunged into a world of the unknown from the moment he met you. Before you, he liked to believe that one hundred and fifty years of existence meant that his wisdom would always be the indispensable weapon against which he truly feared—the unknown, and the humanity of his heart.

He was hardly a stranger to continuous, repetitive loops of thought but it felt as if his brain had rewired itself. Not even his inner world was safe from the insatiable need to be near you, his own thoughts searched for you when they dared stray elsewhere. 

He thumped the tile before him, hot water scalding his back as he willed his hopeless blood to answer him. It was acting on its accord all the time, his heart nothing but frenzied beating in his chest, not even his body in his own control anymore.

The need to be near you, to feel you and touch you in ways he couldn’t even explain was going to be his undoing tonight. Sharing a room with you seemed to send equal prickles of fear and excitement through him.

You reached out for your reflection in the glass as if you’d throttle it but chose to reach out and trail patterns against the window instead. You wrote nonsense for a few moments, before cursed energy started to zap through your fingertips in minute electric pulses. A shower normally reset you after a day like this, but you supposed this was a rather special circumstance. 

You were glad to be alive even though you didn’t feel you deserved it and the weight of your fellow sorcerers still slugged down your shoulders. The responsibility for your students was an ever present taste in your mouth. You eyed your tattered uniform beside you, all too grateful for the hotel robe Choso had insisted you wear after he picked apart the suitcase left by the last guests. It was soft and fluffy, perfect for how light your body felt after your shower and admittedly around Choso.

You gripped your stomach, the guilt demanding to be free. Your head was still fuzzy from how hot you’d had your shower, as you’d yearned to wash away all that had happened. But that would be a dream, “Satoru, I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” you whispered, laying your forehead against the cool glass.

Thankfully the wailing vibrations of a nearby car alarm rattled through the glass and then your ears, dragging you from the dark edges of your mind. 

You peered down below at the scene, squinting to figure out the cause of the chaos. Cackles of maniacal laughter followed sounds of crumbling concrete as your eyes darted from fire to fire. When one was extinguished another rose up in its place. Yet the neon lights of Tokyo still shone, a loyal audience and an ever present reminder of what life used to be like. 

It was pure anarchy, like waking up from one nightmare and going right back into another. Yet the world was not ending and then starting again it just kept ending instead. 

You weren’t sure what was worse, the hell out there, or the one in this room? Choso wasn’t quite sure either, he thought as much as he watched you intently from the doorway of the bathroom. He found he could often do so and never tire of it because there was a fluidity to your movements that calmed him, something that reminded him of water, like warm waves somewhere safe. 

He liked that about you, he liked a lot about you. 

You glanced at his reflection in the glass, and resisted smiling at how he watched you so attentively. Concern knitted his features into something soft and more approachable than the expression he usually showed everyone else.

He was so cute and serious all at once that it was infuriating. He towered over you in height and his hands dwarfed yours, every feature of his face was dark and perfect, and maddeningly symmetrical like he was crafted in heaven, like some kind of dark, beautiful, fallen angel. 

But nothing about Choso was what you expected, that you learned early. He might have looked intimidating, but he was careful and patient, he stopped to admire flowers when he thought nobody was watching, he didn’t always say a lot, nor did he smile often, but he had an array of expressions that always managed to move you in some way.

You sighed. You resented how he’d managed to send the usually calm waves of your heart into a frenzy, a full blown tsunami. 

But you couldn’t hate him, it was impossible. Not when every interaction you had together, you treasured so sincerely. You casted your mind back to just nights ago, when you were sitting together on a roof in some district, sharing konbini raided food together under the stars. He held his onigiri out to cheers with yours, a phantom smile on his lips before he took a bite. 

Or when your hand brushed his as you were walking back and he frowned at how cold it was, clasping it immediately on instinct with his large, warm hand. You tried to shake his grip but he shook his head and clasped it tighter, urging you to keep up with his pace. You didn’t argue it any further.

Then just this morning after passing through what used to be a department store. You all but yelped when you felt something hook around your throat from behind. But a hand landing atop of your head quickly stopped your thrashing, “It’s just me.” You heard the glimmer of his smile, turning with one of your own.  

He was still smiling, simply as if he was so fond of you that words were futile to express the depth. Your throat went dry as he adjusted the scarf on you, “I found this,” he murmured, before continuing ahead, turning to beckon you when you stood there frozen. 

This person often acted without words and out of pure kindness and it baffled you. You knew what he had done and what he was capable of, but every wordless gesture, reassuring nod, and the warm brush of his fingertips against yours had you rethinking everything about love. 

His deep voice settled through your body and calmed your rising nerves. He’d only said your name but it sounded like the unmistakable call to come home, it made you feel like a child again.

You were still standing at the window, then, he thought, no doubt thinking of other sorcerers, of Satoru, at least you knew Yuuji and Megumi were safe, only a few doors down.

“You should sleep,” he murmured, soft footsteps growing close until his body heat somehow billowed against your nape.

It was easier to face yourself than him right now, so you dared not meet your faces in the reflection staring back at you. “What are you thinking about?”

You wanted to speak but found yourself trembling, silent tears rushed to embrace your palms, staggering where you stood you tried to cover your eyes, but Choso was already there. You felt his strong arms lock around you, stilling the tremors that shook you. You stiffened at first before you melted, the hard pieces of you pooling to his feet like wax. 

“What are you doing, Choso?”

“I felt like it was right,” he whispered, resting his chin upon your head. Instinctively his hands cupped your cheeks, swiping away the warm tears rolling there. “You stopped shaking.”

You couldn’t breathe now for entirely different reasons, being handled so tenderly seemed to make you even more tearful. 

The commotion of the fighting in the distance seemed to unsettle you more, making Choso exhale suddenly through his nose. “I…wish you didn’t have to see that.”

Your lips parted, “I don’t want to think about anything anymore Choso,” you croaked. “I don’t want to think about anything.”

“Can you think about me?” he bashfully asked, stroking his hands through your hair. “I just want to help you.”

“I don’t want to burden you, just go to bed, okay?”

He stiffened against you, unhanding you to head over to bed.

“You don’t have to fight how you feel around me. I’m not one of your students.”

“I know.” You refused to let yourself crumble anymore around him, it was too dangerous, for so many reasons.

“We have to rest so we can fight,” he murmured. You turned to find him gesturing again to the space beside him. You sighed and he countered you with an even louder one. He crossed his arms as you smirked at the sound, “Don’t be stubborn. You need to sleep.” 

His bluntness was something he did to lessen the burden of talking at times, but when he spoke to you it felt as if he did it to protect your heart. It was obvious he didn’t always know how he should say things before others, but with you it came easy. 

You let out a bitter laugh, wrapping your arms around your cold body. “You know, Choso? The more time passes, I can see that you’re an older sibling.”

He decided to take that as a compliment, humming in gratitude before continuing to pat the empty space beside him. “Then listen, come here and sleep. You can’t sleep over there.”

He cocked his brow at you, “Can you?” 

“Listen, I don’t care what Yuuji says, alright? I don't trust you.”

You immediately covered your mouth as if to take the projectiled words back. You turned back quick enough to see the frown on his face before it was gone before he impassively said, “At least trust him.”

Your eyes held each other's gaze until you refused to be lost in the beautiful unsurety of those dark brown eyes. So you stared back at the moon instead, wondering how you found time crumbling into nothing whenever you looked at him. You were trying to ignore the pangs of your heart, asking it why it had chosen now to fall for this half-human, half-curse you found so utterly captivating. 

Even with your back to him the reflection of him was clear beside you, not willing to leave your side. He was wearing whatever clothes the last guests had left. A black t-shirt and some loose sweatpants, and his hair was loose and silky at his shoulders from his shower, and his skin was still flushed from it, too. 

The image beside you, and the reality behind you caged you in, forcing you to face your true desires and the guilt that was tugging at your gut. He was innocently offering you space beside him to rest and your mind was everywhere else. You couldn’t ignore how seductive he sounded when he spoke this late at night, or how the sight of him reclining against the headboard with his thighs slightly spread like that was so sexually charged it was making your thoughts run wild. 

Without his usual clothing you could see how thick his biceps were, and how broad his chest really was. You longed for him to touch you, to hold you, to explore you so he could learn what being human really meant.

His aura and general demeanour was so undeniably strong it had you wondering how much longer he’d play this game with you, and what he’d do to you if you gave him the opportunity. But a part of you also doubted that he felt that way about you, or anyone for that matter.

“It’s cold over there,” he pressed again, no malice at all, only concern. “Yuuji told me that I'm naturally warmer, it must be because my blood circulates differently…So, you really should come and sleep here next to me.” 

You were freezing in your robe, unwilling to put your tattered uniform back on. So, you finally abandoned the window ledge, “What are you gonna do if I do?”

His face furrowed, “Whatever you want me to do,” he sounded more like he was asking. He'd been around you long enough to pick up on the slither of the nuance aching to be acknowledged.

“I’d rather not hear you complaining any more beside me though.”

“Whatever.”

He cracked you a half-smile, happy to see you finally listening to him, even if you were being a brat about it. “Good.” 

You were sure you caught his gaze on your thighs as you neared the bed. You’d been chalking it up to him being curious, but the way his eyes had lapped over your bare skin tonight held something you could feel in your core. 

“Do you think I don’t notice when you do that? Earlier, too?” you blurted. 

His eyes darted to the door as if he planned to escape or as if Yuuji was about to burst in and declare that he room with him instead, rather than the tall black haired boy he’d been attached to the hip with since they reunited.

“I don’t want to fight with you. Yuuji respects you-“

He looked up at you, those dark eyes alight with something reminiscent of relief and perhaps yearning? His unwavering gaze sent flutters through you, it was like he was taking in every detail and leaving everything else alone.

“I’d appreciate it if you’d acknowledge my question at least.”

He pouted, noticing how your arms were tightly folded and how you were looking down at him with an indecipherable emotion. He hadn’t quite figured that one out yet, he thought, but he liked the look of it on you. It excited him somewhere, somehow. 

“Choso?” Your voice was a soft, hypnotising hum whenever you said his name all honeyed like that.

His mouth went dry as he really took you in. How the moon was creeping in to illuminate your skin, drifting down your throat to where your blood pumped. He briefly questioned whether all of these feelings were because your blood was special? How was it that you glowed like the sun and the moon had gifted you their light? Why were you so attractive to him? 

The bathrobe was much too big for you, the sleeves large and encasing your wrists, but it cinched in your waist. You had such an attractive shape, one that was so different to his own. He’d spent far too long trying to conjure up how you must look in his mind, but he could never form the image. Clothes were always in the way, taunting him, teasing him. 

“Choso!”

“Yeah, yeah-“ His eyes widened as you closed the gap between you both, kneeling tentatively in front of him. He quickly brought his legs to his chest and turned away from you. 

You scoffed, “You’re the one that wanted me over here so bad.”

Blood was thundering in his ears and his skin was burning so hot he feared he was about to explode into a thousand different pieces. He needed to hold himself together because he felt like if he looked at you he’d be doomed. Maybe his worst worries were true, he couldn’t be around humans like you, at his core he was nothing but a curse. What if you caused his body to show him yet another reaction? One that was weird? One you would hate?

“I know,” he mumbled, curling up on his side, he appeared to be shaking slightly, as he rocked his hips every few seconds. He was trying to elevate the pressure building in his lower half that was making him feel like he might burst. “I still do.”

You sighed, leaning over his body to assess his face. “Now you’re just worrying me.” You rested your hand on his forehead and he groaned. 

“Why are you burning up like this? Were you not supposed to shower or something? I don’t see how you’re any different from us in that regard?”

He groaned into his fist, “Ever since I lost my brothers, and I met Yuuji. I've been feeling and experiencing things I never have before. I thought the worst and the best were over. But now, you?” 

He was groaning like he was in pain. “I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

“Hey, calm down.” You bit your lip, “Take what? Should I get Yuuji?”

He quickly shook his head.

“Then I guess I’ll keep my eye on you tonight.”

The bed dipped beside him as you laid down, curling your body up like his. He froze, staring at you and your mouth, your lips looked so soft, he ached to touch them.

“Listen, I’m sorry for snapping at you. It’s not like I don’t trust you.” You paused, “You’re interesting, Choso. I’m just intrigued by you. I don’t know what you think of me, I guess that’s why I want to know why you stare at me like you do?”

His brows pinched together.

“Like earlier?”

“Was I?”

You nuzzled closer to savour the sweet treat of his scent. It was nothing and everything human all at once; sweet, and vaguely like metal.

“Maybe Yuuji hasn’t told you this…but like, you can’t just stare at people's bodies so obviously.”

“Their faces are better?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Got it,” he said slowly, but then he noticed you had nothing under your robe. He wondered if your nipples were hard because he could see goosebumps spreading over your skin.

His eyes settled on the space free from your robe. “And I…was staring at your body?” 

“Yeah.”

Your eyes followed his, watching him grow more shameless by the second. With every doubt you had, a shaky breath or a small noise would escape him, that had you questioning if he felt the same desire for you. Seconds felt like minutes, as Choso allowed his gaze to roam freely of you, as you allowed him to. 

“And…you don’t like that?” he whispered after what felt like forever, making your heart beat faster with all of these stolen whispers.

“You don’t like when I stare?” 

Time slowed and all other sounds ceased to exist to him, he could hear every bat of your lashes, and every hesitant swallow. He was watching you so carefully he barely blinked. “I want you to tell me why.” 

Then you did it, the thing that confirmed everything for him as you clenched your thighs together, ever so slightly. His own were locked firmly together, as he could feel something was happening there that he couldn’t explain. Maybe you were experiencing the same thing, he thought. He didn’t want to grapple with doubt when this might be the only time he had with you like this.

“It’s just not something you should do,” you finally replied, curt and crisp, but the way your voice shook suggested anything but. He could feel the heat emulating from you now. You were on fire, too, or at least he hoped you were, because he was finally at bursting point. 

“I want to show you what you do to me. Do you want to see?”

Your lips parted to speak but before you could he was sitting up and gesturing to the thick bulge in his pants. 

“This. This is mine,” he whispered, leaning in so his breath brushed your neck. “You know what’s happening to me, don’t you?”

You throbbed and pulsed for him, weakened by your desire. “You really are getting used to this whole human thing admirably fast. It’s endearing, honestly. You want sex and you’re already figuring it out?-“

“I don’t want to just get you pregnant-“

The tension broke with your laughter, “That’s not all sex is for, Choso. There’s many ways to do it, did you know that?”

“There’s another way?” 

“Choso, if I show you, you can’t go around telling everybody, okay?”

“Is it special?”

“Not every time. But it can be. Shall I explain first?”

“Yes.”

“People have sex because it feels really good. When a man and a woman have sex, yes, they can produce life. But people have sex mostly because it feels good, are you understanding me here?” 

He nodded, “It can be called fucking too. Sex is sometimes called fucking.”

He leaned closer with his eyes glued to your lips. “How did you know that’s what I wanted?”

You swallowed as he studied your face so intently, “Because you’re hard, right?”

He frowned in confusion, rushing to check his stomach, “Where?”

You couldn’t help but laugh again, “Oh you’re too sweet. Sit back.”

He let go of your hand and leant against the headboard awaiting your next move. You couldn’t help but wonder how long he could remain this composed? 

You carefully lowered yourself on his lap, watching him wince, you knew it was because his cock was probably growing more sensitive by the minute. Due to his abilities, his blood was in a frenzy everywhere.

“You’re curious, aren’t you? About my body?”

Your words were all he needed for his body to act for him, as he reached and ripped your robe open and apart, “Choso,” you stammered, “you should have asked!”

His hand cupped your throat carefully, thumbing your thudding pulse point. “I knew you wanted that. Your heart has been beating like this since you laid down. You want to show me your body too, and you want me to touch it. Explore it. Don’t you?”

He smirked at you, and he looked so gorgeous it hurt.

“You want sex, don’t you? But are you sure you want it with me? I don't know what to do.”

You lifted his chin and smiled, making that primal part of him go even crazier, “It’s okay. I still want it with you, Choso.”

In the rush of the moment he suddenly realised what he wasn’t laying his eyes on, and he gasped as he finally did, though all to himself. “I can touch you?”

You nodded and he worked the robe down your arms, he was mesmerised, brown eyes glimmering in the low light. His breath growing heavier at the sight, “You’re so soft,” he stroked you so gently it turned you into mush. His hands rose up and down the dips of your curves, over and over as he appreciated the unique shape of you. It seemed like he wanted to commit your every breath to memory.

“You’re beautiful,” he said under his breath as he cupped your breasts, rubbing your nipples with his thumbs. “They’re so beautiful…You’re so beautiful.”

He leaned forward to rest his face in your breasts, locking a hand with yours. As he listened to your frenzied heart and toyed with your nipple, mesmerised by your body. 

You ran your fingers through his hair and he moaned softly, pulling away to touch and grab at you all over again. His eyes locked on yours, watching the way you were getting worked up from his every touch. He noticed how much faster your heart beated when his hand stroked down your centre and neared lower. So he paused at your abdomen. 

“You’re…exquisite.” His eyes were in yours like they always were, intense and full of anticipation. “Here, this part of you too.” He was flushed all the way up to his ears. “What do I call it?”

You smirked, “My stomach?”

He was trembling, trying to contain himself. Shaking his head, he asked a wordless question. You smiled, and he took that as assurance to venture further, cupping the hot heat between your legs. “You look so pretty like this, when I’m touching you here,” he whispered, watching your teeth sink into your lip as your arousal drowned his fingertips. 

“My pussy? You’re touching my pussy,” you whispered. “Do you like it?” 

He nodded eagerly, “This is where I put mine?”

“Do you want to?”

He nodded again, “Can I…look at it? Closer?”

“You can do what you want with it, Choso.” You cupped his face, leaning close. “I want you to do whatever feels natural to you.” You kissed along his jaw as you spoke, he quivered at each one. 

“I think you’re more human than you give yourself credit for. A curse might have had its way with me by now and I know you must be bursting to try these new things as they come. So we’re going to do something special first.”

“What?”

“We’re gonna kiss. Kissing is done in all kinds of ways, you kiss your family on the cheek, normally. You kiss lovers on the lips. You kiss people you have sex with on the lips. It feels really good. Got it?”

“You’re going to show me though, aren’t you? You’re going to lead me.”

“Yeah, you ready?”

He nodded, “We’ll close our eyes, and then I’m gonna kiss you, got it? My lips will touch yours, and then you’ll let nature take its course from there. Don’t worry about being too rough with me,” you eyed his hands that were now resting at his sides, “You won’t hurt me. I’m a sorcerer, remember? It would take a lot to do that.”

“Then come here and give me your lips.” He tugged your mouth onto his, your lips meeting his eager ones, you thought he’d need a second to adjust to the sensation, but in a single second you were being slammed down onto your back. He clutched your face in his hands so he could kiss you without any distractions, it felt like he’d never let go. Everytime you moaned, he would too, like every kiss bonded you closer together.

He kissed you like he’d been waiting years for this, rutting his clothed cock into your naked, wet centre. You slid your tongue against his and he started to grunt, and his skin grew so hot against yours you wondered if he might set you both alight.

He was quick, and eager, pulling away to rip away his shirt, but earnest as he grabbed and then placed your hands on him. You made sure he felt your desire too, kissing all over him, finding that sensitive place just under his ear to suck and kiss. But then he was fighting you, just so he could kiss down your throat to get your tits once more, learning and learning.  “I can kiss anywhere?”

“Yeah,” you moaned.

His eyes darkened with lust as he gripped both your breasts, running his teeth all over them and sucking until your blood rose to the surface in the shapes of his lips.

“I saw a lifetime when I saw you. I saw you, and I felt it all. I thought that was your technique, that you were going to lure me in and kill me with your beauty. I was wrong. Thank you for giving me your body. Trust me with it.”

He was gasping against your skin, running his hands up and down like you were about to disappear. And if his words were intense, his actions were even more so. “I want to kiss you forever.” 

You had no idea what to reply to him right now, but there was something so beautiful about how direct he was, he loved his brothers, he knew of emotions, like love and admiration. He knew what he felt for you and he could put it into these words.

Falling for this man was hardly unusual when what you felt was so real. 

“I trust you, Choso. I want you to kiss me for as long as you want to.”

“I can kiss here then?” he said, throwing your thighs over his shoulders as he gripped your hips and leered at your pussy.

“It’s so wet,” he hummed in awe, before he closed the space and kissed it. He let out such a loud groan you had to shush him, but then that was just it. He was sucking all over so your juices could dance through his taste buds. He was licking and sucking on your pussy with so much zeal you were surely louder than he was. 

Choso was learning fast. He knew that you surely couldn’t be this wet like this all the time, he gathered it was because your body was readying itself to take him. Which also meant you wanted to take him, he wanted to take you. He’d yearned for you, he’d adored you. He adored this.

“I could do this forever,” he moaned, the grip bruising on your hips, as he locked you firmly in place so he could explore you. “Those noises of yours. Don’t stop. You won’t stop. I’m telling you not to stop them.”

“Yes Choso!”

He never thought the sound of his name could taste so sweet. He was groaning into you, sucking and licking until your swollen clit rubbing against his lips caught his attention. You prayed he’d be gentle as he spread your lips and looked at you, awaiting your reaction as he gave it a softer flick of his tongue. You shuddered so sweetly, squeezing his shoulders and tugging on his hair. 

“That’s a sensitive part of you, isn’t it?” He chuckled to himself, a grin on his lips, “My sensitive little human.” 

Your eyes widened at the words and he watched as more slick oozed from your throbbing sex. He laughed again, the deep sound reverberating deep in your core, he was so beautiful, so hypnotising. He brushed the hair from his eyes and kissed along your thighs, still keeping you spread. 

“I’ll be gentle with you. I won’t break you unless that’s what you want.”

The pleasure you were experiencing from a half-human half-curse should have been illegal, it probably violated some sorcery law somewhere but you didn’t care. Not when he was somehow saying and doing everything to make you tick. 

He kept licking and sucking until he found what you liked, and noticed the way you were shaking, the way your thighs were squeezing him tight so he didn’t stop. You gripped his hair, moaning his name as you came, the sweet taste filling his mouth until you had to forcibly push him away.

“Don’t keep your sweetness from me. That was all mine,” he grunted, travelling up your body with kisses. He took your face in one hand, his voice softening as he looked at you beaming in your afterglow, “Did I give you too much? Can’t take anymore of me?”  

You shook your head, barely able to catch your breath. “You made me feel so good, Choso, you gave me an orgasm. That’s important in sex, to give your partner orgasms, it’s what just happened.”

His thumb rubbed your lower lip, marvelling at the subtle mark he’d left from biting it earlier, and he smiled, “So you keep stimulating your partner until they can’t take anymore, releasing themselves on you.”

“You catch on fast.”

He grinned, kissing you deeply as he rutted himself into you. “Show me what to do,” he said breathlessly. “I need you, now.”

“Fuck Choso your cock, I can feel it.”

You started to tug down his sweatpants, taking the time to admire how broad and built he was, he really was no different from a human at all. He moaned with every press of your lips on his skin, he’d made them so swollen, kissing and biting on them like he was ravenous.

You released his cock from the confines of his pants and gasped, frozen at the sight. “Are you scared of me? Is it different?”

“No, it’s amazing…” you licked your lip, “It’s just so big.”

The warm weight of his hand landed on your stomach, he rubbed there, reassuring whilst also obviously trying to calculate this himself, “But you want it, don’t you?” he murmured, soft, “So we can make it fit, can’t we? We have enough of this together.”

He was so clumsy as he touched himself it made your heart swell, gathering the slick that was pooling down his cock. He took it, and made sure to cover your pussy in it, pausing when his finger slipped inside of you with ease. But then you moaned so deliciously he found his jaw growing slack, eager to keep pleasing you. 

“That’s why you’ve got this little hole haven’t you? It stretches to fit things inside, so it’s going to fit me inside like it’s doing right now.”

You quickly nodded, beyond fucked out by this man as he continued to stuff his precum into your pussy. “Yes Choso.”

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he grunted, stuffing in more of his fingers to fuck you even better. “Naked and free.” 

“You can put it in now, Choso. It’ll fit. I want it.”

“Because you want me don’t you?”

“Yes Choso.”

You watched him, gripping the base of himself and aligning his heavy cockhead to your opening. His face was lost in pleasure, lost to every sensation, he was beautiful like this too, you thought. 

“Only me?”

“Only you, Choso.”

“Then let me see everything,” he whispered against your forehead, large hands folding you and spreading your thighs wide. “You’re so beautiful. I want to see it all.”

“Please be gentle,” You whimpered, feeling him start to push in, you braced yourself, hanging on to him tight. 

He groaned into your cheek as he felt resistance from you, no matter how good you felt he’d rather die than hurt you. “Is there another way?”

“Lie down.”

He did as you said, watching in awe as you were quick to straddle him, oozing slick all over his thighs. You still wanted him just as much as he wanted you and that excited him to no end. Even if he was a challenge and clearly more than you were used to.

You hovered as you aligned yourself with his cock, and he moaned as you finally touched him. And as you sunk yourself onto his cock he gripped your hips so tight you yelped, before your voice melted into a moan in unison with his.

“More,” he whimpered, as you stopped halfway, panting at the sensation. “Let me in.”

“Trying, Choso.”

“I want to feel all of you. All of your pussy.” His voice was low, and close to breaking as you throbbed on him. 

“That’s it,” he stroked his thumbs in comforting circles, “Are you going to let me feel you?” 

You quickly nodded, teeth sunk into your lip. His voice was as arousing as his cock, “Give me a minute, Choso. I can do it.”

“Does it hurt?”

You nodded and he pondered for a moment before he took his thumb to your clit, rubbing until you moaned. Then slowly, naturally, as if your body was melting into his, you made your way down the thick inches of him.

“You’re doing good, so good for me. You can take all of me inside. You’re strong.” He was so out of his mind he didn’t even know what he was cooing to you, but he just wanted to put you at ease. 

“You pretty little human. Taking my body like this because you want your pussy fucked? Right? You like my cock inside you? Stretching you out?”

“Choso!” You groaned as he fully bottomed out, hands landing on his shoulders for support. “I love it, you feel so good. You’re making me feel so good.”

He whined at your words before composing himself, his lips trailing down your skin. “I am? Are you too weak now? Do you need me to help you feel good? Yuuji said you were a good teacher. He was wrong,” he taunted, kissing the side of your face as he gripped you.

His hands sunk into your ass as their final resting place, appreciating the softness there too, “You need to show me what to do, just once.”

“I can’t,” you whined, tears of pleasure flowing down your cheeks at how full you were. “Look at yourself. Your cock is so big.” You breathlessly gestured to your stomach. 

His eyes widened as he pushed his palm onto your belly, feeling how deeply he was penetrating you, “You have to use me and make yourself feel good. That’s all, Choso.” You barely managed your words, eyes barely open as the pleasure he was giving you threatened to break you apart. 

“I understand. Leave it to me,” he groaned, kissing your neck, as he started to move you off and on his cock, “We move together until we orgasm. You’ve never had a cock like mine so you can’t move, huh?” 

He experimentally snapped his hips into yours and you whimpered so loudly he soon followed. Although he knew nothing of what was lewd and what wasn’t, he somehow knew that the sound you’d made was nothing but filth and that he’d done something you’d desperately needed. 

He did it again and again, until he was drilling up into you and delighting in all of the sounds you were making, gasping from how good you felt. “Choso, your cock feels so good inside. It’s the best.”

“Then you never need another one, if only I make you feel this good. No other cock will ever feel the same,” he grunted, “You’re mine now, you beautiful woman.”

You kissed him messily in reply, barely able to form words as he fucked up into you until you were shaking and moaning into his mouth because you were coming all over him. “Then you’re mine, Choso. I showed you this, how to feel good. It won’t feel good if another human do-“

You gasped as his hand slammed over your mouth and you were on your back once more. He was folding you whilst holding back on finishing in minutes and he didn’t even know how impressive that was.

“Don’t say it. I don’t want another human near me like this. Only you. I told you, I saw you. I saw everything. I know that I’m different. But I can fuck you better, I know I can. You like what I’m doing to your body. I know, I know, I know, you do,” he chanted as he groaned into you, balls smacking hard against you as he ravaged you. 

All you could do was hold tight and brace yourself as you whimpered. 

“Mine, mine, mine. So, so, beautiful,” he grunted.

Tears pricked your water lines at the intensity, you felt so loved, and safe in his embrace like this. 

You could feel him twitching inside of you, and you could see him holding back. “When you orgasm, Choso. Your cum will be different, it will be messier than mine.”

“Is that the stuff that breeds you? It’s going to shoot inside you, isn’t it?” he stammered. “You don’t want it? How do I control it?” 

“You can’t, but that’s okay, I won’t get pregnant, I take something for that. So when you feel like it’s getting too much, give in. You can let go. You’ve already done so well.”

“I can fill you up with my seed?” He stretched your arms above you to take both your hands in a single clasp, cupping your chin with the other. 

“Look at me. Why won’t you get pregnant? Because I’m not fully human?”

There was a sadness in his eyes, but it was being blown out completely by his desire. 

Why was this man so hot without realising it? His brow as all furrowed, his face flushed, fucking you so hard it was now dawning on you how loud you both were being. “It’s a pill I take,” you moaned as he slammed into that spot inside that had you creaming on him again. “I-I told you.”

“Then I’ll pretend,” he grunted, gripping your hips hard as he fucked into you like he was trying to breed you.

“Like I’m going to fuck my seed into you so I can keep you forever. No man can have you if you’re filled with me.”

“I want your cum, Cho!”

“I know you do! You’re a needy little human taking my cock even though it’s too big for you, wanting my cum to fill up your pretty little hole.”

“I want it, I want it,” you moaned into his ear, wrapping your arms around him tighter. Your voice only made it worse, he pinned you down even harder, kissing and licking up your tears. 

He was whimpering now, all of the pressure building in his core, he could feel it, the very sensation you were talking about. “You’re lucky I haven’t split you in two with my strength. But you take it, you take me in your pussy, waiting for every last drop of me.”

The loud smacks of his hips on yours were no louder than your sounds. He was fucking you like he’d never get the chance again. 

“I wish I could breed you. Then everyone would know, I’d know. That you’re mine, all mine,” he was rambling as he came, holding you tight with his tongue down your throat. 

You felt the insane amounts of cum spurting inside of you until the noises were so lewd it was near comical. Until there was so much cum he was slipping out of you and coming all over your stomach and the sheets too. Your name laced in every breath.

He groaned out your name, falling into your arms so could put him back together again. You kissed wherever you could, praising him through your breathlessness. You both rested for several of these precious moments. It seemed like the night had finally calmed outside of the hotel too, as had you both, after purging what had been brewing between you both since you’d first laid eyes on each other.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he asked, running his lips across your jaw.

“No, not at all.” You continued to soothe him, running your hands through his hair. “But now we have a whole lot to talk about. I wouldn’t normally fuck someone so soon that I saw a future with.”

He made a little hmph sound, “Why?”

“It normally comes after getting to know someone.”

“We’ll have all the time in the world for that,” he said gently, flipping you below him as he caged you beneath him. 

“Won’t we?” he urged, folding up your thighs as he guided himself back inside. His voice was desperate all over again. “So,” he leant close, his lips brushing yours. He tried to resist, but gave in to taste your lips, taking the time to kiss you with so much unbridled affection it made your chest hurt. Before he finally spoke again, “So, stay alive for me, and I will for you.”

©mrsackermannx: do not repost, plagiarise, translate or modify my works.

[ajje-111]

Pick a Painting: General Messages

Pile 1: Lady in Blue [Two of Swords]

Pile 2: Woman holding man's head [Justice]

Pile 3: Four Women [Ace of Swords]

Pile 4: Two Young Girls [10 of Pentacles]

In usual tarot fashion, please take the following messages as what resonates with you. I hope these messages find you well. With peace and love, Hare Krishna.

-Wind.

Pile 1

Cards: Two of Swords, Two of Pentacles, & 10 of Swords (reversed)

Courage: I find the inner strength to face fear with confidence.

Balance: I bring a state of perfect harmony into my world, and I do so without judgment.

Hello to all the visitors of pile 1. I hope you are well. The colors blue and purple are very vibrant to me in this pile. Many of you may strongly connect to your throat and third eye chakra.

A current situation in your life is affecting these deeply connected qualities, specifically your ability to communicate. You are on the fence about how to approach a certain situation because you are unsure of the consequences that it may lead to. I picture someone biting their tongue a little before speaking up to someone who has a big say in their future.

You will be turning inward and taking this situation personally because it has triggered deep emotions within you that were unaware of.

Although I see you being able to find the courage and strength needed to restore balance in this situation, I do not see it happening without deep reflection beforehand.

If there is something that brings out uncontrollable emotions in you, listen to them. Our body reacts to all stimuli, not only physical but also emotional. Learn how to find balance in this situation.

Song: "Dem Haters (feat. Dwane Husbands)" - Rihanna

I hope this helps, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 2

Cards: Justice, Queen of Swords, Seven of Cups, & Six of Swords.

Failure: I understand that a mistake is only an opportunity to learn.

Perseverance: I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

Hello pile 2 visitors, I hope you are well. Purple is the color for you, embodying a sense of high knowing and openness of your crown and third-eye chakras. Very beautiful energy that you have created within yourself. I sense that many of you make sure that your thoughts are clear so you can operate throughout the day as efficiently as you'd like.

The message here is not for all of you, so please take what resonates with you. If you feel it does not apply to your well-being I suggest you stop reading. This message is for those who have left a certain situation in the dust. There is a person or situation that is showing me your complete disengagement. Much like the painting, you hold the dead head of whatever it is that you have left. Only you will know what that is.

I sense you feel that this situation was a failure, but I see you choosing to believe that it was not a waste of time. You're taking this fall out and learning from it, you're moving on to a better place and imagining what awaits you next.

Either way, this situation or person that you have decided to disengage with is the right decision. For some of you, I see karma dealing its cards in your favor. Continue to do what feels right for you.

Confirmation from your guides that you are on the right path.

Song: "Free Mind" - Tems

I hope this helps, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 3

Cards: Ace of Swords, Eight of Swords, Eight of Wands, Two of Pentacles, and Two of Swords.

Honesty: I can't always expect the truth from others, but I can expect it from myself.

Peace: I am a being of love, and I release all negative energy.

Hello pile 3 visitors, this pile is very in tune with the universe I can tell by the synchronicities within the cards. During my initial shuffle, I was supposed to only take one card but for your pile two came out.

I see honesty and peace being key ideas that you hold with your heart. If there is anything that poses a challenge to you I see that you do not take action without regarding your honesty and peace first. I see this to the point of you virtually not engaging with negativity at all for the sake of your own being. Which I totally understand, sometimes I have to do this myself. Not every opinion needs a thesis written about it.

I digress, your message here is that there is a certain aspect of your life that provides stability to you, it could be a job, relationship, pet, house, I don't know but it shows up as something that gifts you new ideas the more you engage and invest into it. This aspect restrains your creativity and restricts you from expressing ideas of honesty and peace. Similar to the painting, you feel claustrophobic in the world you're in and brings out a different side of your honesty and appears defensive.

I see that this situation or aspect of your life has caused you to not express yourself in the most peaceful of ways, but you see that as a sacrifice willing to take to be an honest person. You will not lie.

Some of you will leave this situation as is, you tell yourself you did all you could. You may be right.

Others of you will feel a sense of regret and guilt, remember that the past does not define you. You can move past this if you find it within yourself to be honest about the situation and see it for what it is.

You may be a water sign.

Song: "Wake Up Alone" - Amy Winehouse

That's all, be well. Thank you :)

Pile 4

Cards: Ten of Pentacles, Three of Swords, Three of Wands, Five of Pentacles, Five of Cups, & Two of Cups

Death: I am learning that endings are merely beginnings

Relationships: I am attracted to those people who serve my higher good.

Blame: I accept responsibility for my well-being

Hello, pile 4 visitors, a lot of messages I got for this pile specifically. I don't pull many cards out for my readings. But there was no need the cards honestly flew right out. Off the bat, this tells me that you are a very expressive person who doesn't hold any of it back and honestly refuses to. Some of you may be performers as a career or side hustle. Either way, this pile attracts those who are very creatively defined, talented, and intelligent.

Your message is that there may be something you've invested in that is not working out how you initially thought it would. For many of you, there was actual money involved. Some of you may have lost a large sum of money but that is not a message for everyone.

There is a project you are working on that requires you to be on 10 all the time. This means discipline, and you're only human but this project requires 100% focus and it shows up to me as draining, but it ultimately invests into your 10 pentacles, which is the abundance of your life. You see this investment as worth it even if you may have lost something of value or importance to you. Do not dwell on loss if you did lose a large sum of money. Think of the law of attraction, if you worry about what it is you don't want, all you will receive is exactly that.

A strong message to keep moving forward, reflect on how you're showing up in your relationships. Continue to connect to loved ones as they will remind you of who you are.

Song: "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" - Whitney Houston

That is all I have for you, be well. Thank you :)

[disruptivevoib]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

[wandagcre]

Thinking about how Mob Moss!Sam would react if the reader asked for a divorce

"I want a divorce," your voice cracks, unwilling to look at sam's reaction.

it's more than enough to mob!boss sam's attention over you. whatever she was doing — consider it done and unfinished. she takes a good look at you, her brown eyes piercing on you, never blinking. it's hard to swallow all of the sudden with the thick tension you created.

all you can do is thank that you knew better; to not bring it up while sam was cutting up vegetables in the kitchen or while she was downstairs, throwing punches on the punching bag. you knew she wouldn't hurt you, but the aggressiveness scares you.

if it was a prank:

"is this some kind of joke? i know you have a knack for childish stunts, but that's a really, really, bad one mi amor," sam runs her fingers through her hair. she has a tight smile on, but you could tell its insincerity, a product of her rare nervousness.

you can't take it any longer with your joke. you can't even imagine a life without sam in it — how the woman would completely lose her mind.

"o-of course it is," you let out the breathe you've been holding. your figure relaxes a little, immediately regret ran through your body for pulling this prank. "can't help it. i wanted to see what your reaction would be."

meanwhile, sam was relieved too. she didn't want to be rough with you in a cruel way. you didn't know the scenarios that ran through her mind, all just to keep you. she continues to dress for the day, simply humming in response.

"don't do that again. next time, formulate it in a question, not in a statement." sam coldly looks at you pointedly through the mirror's reflection, internally scoffing at your kicked puppy look.

you easily nod in agreement. "understood."

if it was a genuine proposal:

your lips quiver, "no. it isn't. i'm completely serious about this, sam."

sam remained looking neutral. she continues to button her dress shirt and the silence was eerie. it put you in immediate discomfort, even analyzing her features was futile — no slight twitching, no smile, no nothing. it was like business mode for her. you knew it, so familiar with her gatherings within her inner circle at one of her estates.

then, all of the sudden she scoffs and laughs softly. uncanny for the statement you just uttered. now it had you looking over sam, albeit with reasonable fear.

she sauntered over your way, creasing her ironed trousers as she kneels before you and holding your hand.

"i'd like to see you try, (y/n)." sam grinned, as though it was a challenge. "you... are not only a valuable asset, amor, but you're an extension of what makes me. it wasn't a choice whether you married me on paper or not, you're bound to me—for me—either way." sam chuckled, her palm softly patting on your cheek.

you're frozen and taken aback by her words.

perhaps you should have known that sam would do everything just to keep you in the same place as she were. the illusion of letting you escape is hilarious enough for her.

[cravetive]

𝔸 𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 𝕆𝔽 𝔸 𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 | ℂℍ. 𝟙𝟘

| 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐧𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫.

|𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞/𝐚𝐮: 𝐄𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬,𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭,𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐮, 𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭.

| 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐗 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

| 𝐖𝐨𝐫���� 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 7k

| 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬, 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬 & 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 ( 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤), 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡, 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 (𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬), 𝐬𝐞𝐱 ( 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬), 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐮𝐧𝐬 & 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

| 𝐀/𝐍: 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐢𝐦 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧.

previous chapters

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“Will the Jury foreperson please stand?” 

The judge’s voice is a mesh of muffles and white noise in Jin’s ears - his mind absent from the courtroom as his client faces his sentencing. Everything seems to move in slow motion around him, the whispers of his client asking anxious questions, only further inducing the headache that presses harshly against his temples.

Jin hasn’t slept in days, each morning blending in with the night, an endless cycle that leaves him spent. he wishes he can say it’s due to this case or any of the other 9 he’s currently handling for that matter but that’s not what has been leaving him wide eyed in his bed at ungodly hours of the night, in fact they haven’t even played a factor. 

Today he finds himself representing yet another vile criminal, charged with a crime that has shaken society to its core - the trial televised for the entire world to see. His eyes scurry away from the camera that stands right in front of him, antonizing a certain anxiousness that Jin has never felt in a courtroom before. The stakes are stacked high, his reputation on the line and yet, he can’t bring himself to focus - his heed placed elsewhere. 

From the untouched glass of water that sits before him he can see his distorted reflection, the plum hue under his eyes further demonstrating the stress his body is undergoing - his compressed chest unable to feel relief no matter how much he tries to breathe. 

would his client feel reassured of his fate if he knew that it wasn’t one of the best lawyers sitting besides him now but instead a ghost?

Jin’s mind wanders through the walls, his eyes scanning the nearest exit and for an instance he feels as though this is his own trial, one in which no one would come to save him - all evidence pointing to his guilty conscience all while the cameras capture every uneasy breath he struggles to take.

As his stare travels back to the Judge - he notes her disapproving expression, it is the look of someone who knows what he has done, oblivious to the fact that Jin is already inside a prison, his own morality caging him inside of a cell that has no key. 

He has condemned himself to feelings he can’t control, all because he wanted to be a better man - He’s unable to balance his integrity on the scale of good and bad. his inner darkest fears shaken by the mere phone call of someone he owes his life to, someone he has pledged loyalty to. 

The sound of Jungkook’s voice still rings inside his ears, a nauseating reminder of Jin’s betrayal. 

When you came to him asking for help he had already foreseen how things would play out, you had unknowingly put him against a wall, a sword pressed to his chest and all he could do was stretch out his hand and aid you in bringing down one of his closest friends. 

For the first time he had a choice to stray away from the life of depravity he had chosen, to clear his conscience of all the bad he had done along his career. You were the first person he had ever helped who he truly felt was innocent, how could he say no while he saw the despair in your eyes? 

So, he decided to defend you without a single beat of hesitation, forgetting his loyalty belonged to someone else.

That late night conversation with Jungkook  had left him burdened, bringing out a certain paranoia that perhaps remained dormant inside of him, lured into slumber with each day he met you in that coffee shop where he would convince himself he was being virtous and although, the phone call was short and vague, he had engraved Jungkook’s impatient tone inside his head. 

Jin didn’t need clues to conclude what his friend was after, he didn’t need to ask what it was Jungkook needed from him to repay his debt, Jin already knew. Jungkook’s rampage in search of you being all the city could speak of, the destruction he left in his wake landing on Jin’s radar like the morning news. 

He never meant to get involved, in fact he had preferred to stay oblivious. How could he choose? you his dearest friend, someone he looked to protect and aid - and then him ... .his childhood friend, the one he always seemed to end up picking up the broken pieces for, no matter how much his hands bled. 

Both sides tug at his fealty. 

“Has the jury reached a verdict?” 

Whilst his client trembles in his chair, Jin feels the pressure of his phone that is kept turned off inside his pocket - the thought of receiving yet another call from Jungkook, beginning to torment him in ways his pride will never allow him to divulge. 

“Yes” 

He needs to focus, this is important but his mind drifts, searching for ways in which he can justify his decisions - trying to find a way out of the predicament he has placed himself in, in a way only a man like him can. 

“We the jury find the defendant not guilty on all counts of murder and assault.”

A hefty sigh leaves Jin’s mouth, his hands clamping together underneath the table as his eyes flutter shut - he had hoped that this relief that washes over him now would be enough to clear his mind of the thoughts that burdened him but reality is, nothing can. He feels his client grip his arm and pull him into a hug - his cheers filling the ears of the abstracted man. 

At another time Jin would’ve probably celebrated too, after all was this not a demonstration of his capabilities? Yet, he can’t bring himself to cheer, to celebrate nor to feel triumph. Jin is used to walking out of courtrooms a victorious man but now he is rather conflicted and as he pushes away from the strong embrace his client offers him, he finds his eyes trailing back to the victims family - offering them a silent apology, one that he never tends to offer. 

Something has changed inside of him - a shift he can’t understand. Previously, Jin had never bothered to care if his clients were guilty or not, if he was a bad man for even protecting them, perhaps because his clients were only reflections of someone he knew, someone who he has been great at defending. 

But Now he feels just as culpable as the man standing next to him, the one who has stabbed his wife to death. 

In the past he would’ve defended Jungkook above everything else and walked past a victim like you, a victorious man. 

Something has changed. 

“The verdict is sustained, The jury is thanked and excused. Court is adjourned.” 

The Judge slams her gabble and soon the murmuring and heavy whimpers of the victims family fill Jin’s ears, eating away at his vulnerability.  The sound of their agony causes his heart to rumble - the sensation becoming too much to withstand. 

His own shame begging to beat him down. 

His vision is blurred, unable to concentrate on anything as he stands there motionless

- his intestines turning as he finds the eyes of the man whom he has just freed. Jin has fought like hell to prove without a reasonable doubt that this man has not committed the crime he has been accused of, even if within himself he harbors the truth that only the 2 of them know.

The worst part of it all is that Jin knows he will be back here - perhaps with someone much worse than the man that he has just defended and he can’t help but question if the real reason why he fights so hard in the first place is to prove he himself isn’t like them. 

“Thank you Mr. Kim '' his client exclaims with excitement whilst he interlocks his hand with Jin’s in a firm shake. Jin’s stare remains withdrawn - his mouth unable to open and form any words and as he glances down at their knotted hands he pictures blood dripping from them. 

His body runs cold, his hand retracting quickly while his blinking eyes inspect the skin there. 

He’s losing it.

“How will I ever repay you?” Jin’s eyes snap back to stare at his client, the room beginning to spin around him and he tries to smile, to at least pretend like he shares this man’s joy but he can’t move a muscle and as he goes to speak he hopes his tone wont give away the immediate regret that has settled inside of him. 

“I just hope you’ll never need me again.”

But they always do and Jin is more than positive he will reoffend - he will take another life, he will leave another bloody trail and Jin prays to any god that will listen that when that day comes the DA will have enough evidence to put him away. 

His client responds with a mocking laugh, his chest heaving at the joke Jin has just made but Jin means it with every morsel of his being, his role as the devil's advocate beginning to eat away at his soul. 

Jin can feel all eyes on him as he begins to step out of the courtroom, lowering his head as the cameras flash in his direction - the victory he should be indulging in, feels more like a loss, the way in which he has let his  previous wins feed his ego is starting to disgust him. His steps are no longer confident and he fights with the urge to turn around and request the judge to reconsider, he wants nothing more than to beg her to give his client the full weight of the law.

Even if he has to drop to his knees for it. 

As he steps out into the empty hall his eager hands reach into his pocket, sliding his phone out and staring at the screen until it turns back to life, his weary eyes scanning the notifications that flood in but he can only see emails from his firm and texts from a girl he met at a bar a few nights ago when he found himself sleepless again

 none of them from the man who has taken his appetite away. 

He sighs, standing completely still and then the hallway that once had been completely quiet fills with reporters - greedy cameras and microphones waiting for his client to exit the courtroom and all Jin hopes for is for him not to say anything stupid. 

For him not to leave another mess for Jin to clean up. 

He holds his breath, deciding to take the nearest exit in his wishful attempt to avoid the eye of the media. This time he feels no desire to stand beside his client as he throws out thank you’s and excuses, he can’t digest the idea of reporters asking him questions regarding his morality - of why he chooses to defend the people he does or if he thinks they are guilty. 

9 times out of 10 they most likely are. 

The cold air ripples through Jin’s suit as he makes a quick exit of the courthouse, his eyes focused on the sun which sets between the tall buildings ahead of him, the city roaring with life. He can hear laughter, traffic, and random conversations from those who pass by. the sounds - the normalcy in everything and he has almost forgotten that time hasn’t stopped, no matter how stagnant he feels. 

 though, the distraction does not last long as he feels a faint buzz against his chest and he’s swiftly reeled back into his reality - his breaths becoming labored, his eyes darting in every direction. Once he again finds himself succumbing to paranoia. 

Jin’s shaky hands slide the phone from the front pocket of his suit and he stares at the unknown number flashing through the screen for a moment - every nerve in his body standing at attention, the lethargy that had clung to his body dissipating into thin air. 

For a second he contemplates if he should answer, he wonders if he’s prepared to hear Jungkook’s voice again but even if he isn’t what other option does he have, avoiding the issue would only cause it to grow. 

He quickly answers the call and presses the phone to his ear, frantic eyes focusing on the lively city in front of him, attempting to find a random object he can anchor himself to. 

“Hello” he answers coldly-  trying to conceal the utter worry in his tone. 

“Jin” the voice is soft, delicate even and it takes him back to when he was just a college student, sitting across the dining table with a math book in hand, a red pen in the other. 

“Y/n” he breathes out, eyes blinking quickly while he registers it’s you on the other line.

“You sound disappointed” you giggle and Jin smiles for a moment, though it does not last. 

You are but a reminder of the secret he conceals. 

“Uh” Jin chuckles dryly “quite the opposite actually.” 

Jin expects to feel at ease, after all you are someone dear to him but he can’t push away the guilt that creeps inside of him while he hears your giggles flow through the line. 

In that moment he doesn’t know which voice he would have preferred to hear, yours is supposed to be a breath of fresh air, a cup of cold water to tame the turmoil inside of him. to know you were okay , to know you were safe, to recognize no panic in your voice should be alleviating but the feeling never arrives. 

Do you even know who he is? Who he has betrayed for you? Would you still consider him a friend if you were to find out?

“Are you okay?”  He asks, a question he isn’t fully prepared to make nor one that he has been ready to hear the answer to. 

There's a long pause, a pause that Jin doesn’t particularly like. It causes his chest to compress, for his palms to grow cold. 

“Yes, im safe.” 

It’s not the answer to the question he has asked but he takes it, because if you are safe it means you are okay, right?

Jin hadn’t spoken to you since your swift escape from the Jeon’s banquet and though he had been worried sick for some time, Jungkook had arrived in almost comical timing to strip away his concern for you, replacing it with the sour reminder of the debt he owed. 

He wants to pretend that hearing from you is a good thing but your voice, although quiet and careful, stabs away at his heart harshly. So he fakes a heavy sigh, feigning a relief that isn’t there.  

“Well, I'm glad,” Jin mutters. 

“Are you okay?”

Jin can’t bring himself to answer that, his mouth pressing together and his jaw cramping. His eyes stare into nothingness as his brain tries to compile a good enough answer, an answer worthy enough to bring you some kind of ease. 

Jin begins walking towards his car, briefcase held tightly in his hand as the loud sounds of the city begin to drown out his inner thoughts again. He should be okay, He has just won another case, another accomplishment to add to his resume and he contemplates if he should share this with you, but  he fears you’re going to read through his tone, peeling away at his facade.  

Nothing can hide the anxiousness that sprouts inside of him, sprawling and taking up spaces where his tranquility once remained.

“Yeah, i've been fine” he responds quietly, offering you a lie - hoping that you will take it. 

A heavy sigh falls from your mouth and Jin inhales sharply, while he gives you a breath of air - he pulls himself deeper into despair. 

“Good” you whisper, your vocal cords burning after having held your breath. 

Jin blinks quickly trying to moisten his tired and scratchy eyes as if you could see him through the phone. his hand subconsciously moving to straighten his tie and suit jacket, perfecting his deception.  

“I saw you on the news giving that press conference on the case” you comment, a smile emerging on your face, one that Jin can picture in his mind. 

“Mhm” Jin hums, caught off guard by the topic. 

“You looked very professional, very mister lawyer” your voice holds childish excitement and Jin smiles again, closing his eyes and beginning to imagine a life where he is but a typical lawyer and you his friend, a girl who hasn’t gone through the things that you have. A Y/n that has remained the same cheerful and spoiled girl that he once knew so well, never having been pushed into a life of crime and deception, much like he has.  

His Y/n, his friend that he will never betray. 

“Oh yeah? I wore my good tie today” he jokes, beginning to descend the steps in front of the courthouse. 

“How did it go? Did you free the guy?” you inquire and Jin remains silent, his chest becoming heavier with the question. 

“Give me details, i want to know how you kicked ass today” the harmony of your laughter causes him further shame, There is so much you don’t know and no amount of bravery can convenience Jin to tell you.

“Well you know me i can’t lose” Jin sighs and his line fills with your laughter again. 

“It’s a good thing I have you on my side then.” 

Those words cause Jin’s heart to stop full throttle, the hand that presses the phone to his ear growing limp. It takes everything for him not to divulge the truth, to not break your heart further. If he’s honest it's not clear to him whose side he stands in, who is he truly helping? For someone as calculated as him, that question still remains unanswered. 

His god complex has led him to believe there is a way he can help the both of you without betraying the other but atlas, as he hears your voice for the first time in weeks he concludes he has been foolish. 

Dread fills him up, his body unresponsive and he feels as though the phone call has lasted an eternity, your innocent statement only further torturing him. His intentions were always to protect you like an older brother would, trying to conceal you from the man he had built a bond with so many years ago, but who is he kidding, who is he lying to?

To you or to himself.

“You should come to visit me, it gets lonely here - I thought I would be able to escape it but it appears it has followed me here too.”

Your voice is but a whisper yet Jin can hear the strain in it, can almost picture you swallowing back tears that you have not allowed yourself to release in a long time. 

“We can meet at the cafe” he interjects, purposely avoiding your offer. 

“Oh don’t be silly, I trust you.” 

His heart lurches forward and he rips the phone from his ear for a moment, unable to endure the conversation any longer, you are oblivious to the pain you are causing him, to the agony he is putting himself through the longer he stays on the call with you. 

“Y/n i think -” he speaks into the line. 

“86 Pyeongchang- dong, Jongno-gu-” 

Jin shuts his eyes as the address falls from your lips, a grimace pouring over his features and he wishes you hadn’t said that, he prays he can forget. 

“So what do you say?” your voice echoes.

 Jin clears his throat, trying to break himself out of the panicked trance he is currently in, his throat aches as he tries to find an excuse good enough for you not to suspect him, because what kind of friend would he be if he didn’t go?  What kind of friend would he be if he did?

His mouth opens to give you a gentle rejection, his eyes roaming the front of the courthouse whilst he trashes his brain for an excuse. “You know i would love to but-” his eyes stop moving and the words he means to say trail into silence, from the corner of his eye he catches a glimpse of a black SUV - its owner leaned comfortably against it as a puff of smoke falls from their lips - their eyes completely focused on him. 

Jin can feel every muscle in his body constrict, his skin growing pale - he blinks, hoping that the sight before him is only but a product of his lack of sleep and paranoia  but when his eyes open again, the same man remains. his eyes held in a glare as a mischievous grin rips through the cigarette that lays between his lips and the dread Jin had been trying to suppress for days now comes pummeling down all too fast through his veins. 

“Jin?” you ask, noticing the long pause. 

From where Taehyung stands he watches as Jin stares wide eyed in his direction. He leans away from the SUV, unfolding his arms from his chest, offering Jin a small wave.

“Jin?” you call out again and this time Jin’s eyes trail back to the phone in his hand. 

“I have to go Y/n '' he whispers, there's a change in his tone but you can barely make it out from the shuffling that follows after, your eyebrows furrowing with concern.

you aren’t unfamiliar with Jin's tendency to abruptly say goodbye but this time it’s different, you can sense panic through the silence he gives you - your line now crowded with the sound of the city.

“Wait, Jin what is happening?” you ask frantically and Jin can hear you but he doesn’t answer, his mind wondering if you would be this concerned for him if you knew who he truly was.  

Jin ends the call before he can speak again, sliding his phone into his suit jacket carefully - he clears his throat and adjusts his posture, his hand moving to push back the strands of his hair that have fallen in front of his face. swiftly changing his expression from one of utter fear to casualness, the shift causing him to grow dizzy. 

“Taehyung,” he calls out eagerly through his teeth.

Taehyung studies Jin’s demeanor, his fingers moving to dispose of the cigarette in his mouth before he forces a chuckle out. 

“Jin, long time no see” he responds, the lack of enthusiasm in his voice appareant. 

Jin scoffs and laughs slightly, trying his hardest to conceal the panic that rips through him. 

“It's always a good day when you don't have to see me ” Jin replies and the statement causes Taehyung's smile to slip. In the past Taehyung would’ve taken the insignificant words as banter but given the circumstances, given the strain that has formed between the friendship it sounds more like a threat to him. 

“Is this something that couldn’t wait for office hours?” Jin continues, looking towards the 2 other men who stand beside Taehyung, their hands held by their belt - indication of the gun’s that remain concealed there. 

It's not a friendly visit. 

“I wanted to stop by to congratulate you on the big win” Taehyung states but Jin knows better, they’ve never shown up for any of his other one’s. 

“A bouquet of flowers and a pretty card would have sufficed” Jin says nonchalantly standing in front of them now, the grip on his briefcase growing tighter with each second that passes by,  his body consumed with the urgent need to throw up.

“I was watching you know?” Taehyung smirks “you looked a bit off, a bit nervous.”

Jin’s smile fades, his jaw locking with the reminder of his previous state in the courtroom - the vile memories flood into his head and his casual facade drops for a moment, his eyes flickering with distress. 

“Me? Nervous?” Jin chuckles, attempting to recuperate from the humiliation.

“Im Kim Seok-Jin.” 

“That you are” Taehyung distills poison with his words, his tone simmering with a certain harshness. 

“Jungkook wants to congratulate you too, you should come with us” Taehyung adds, his smirk pulled wide. 

Jin’s heart slams into his chest, his head heavy on his shoulders. He wonders how much Jungkook knows, if he is aware of the role he has played in the chaos his family is currently facing and as his eyes remain on Taehyung's face he can’t read past his meek expression - his talent to perceive things momentarily tested by the exhaustion that sinks in his body. 

He knows Taehyung is not making an offer he can decline, but rather an invitation he has to accept. A pact of loyalty made many years ago imposed by guilty reminders of the person he used to be.

“You guys shouldn’t have gone through the trouble”

Jin laughs sarcastically - stepping closer to Taehyung. 

“Trust me, it's no trouble at all” Taehyung taunts, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head. 

Jin can feel his throat closing in on itself - his eyes lowering to the guns that poke out of the pressed suits the men standing along with them wear, warning him that the friendship he once shared with Jungkook and Taehyung has changed. No longer were they just boys being boys, no longer did they blindly trust each other. 

Now they were men waiting for the moment one crossed the other. 

Jin nods faintly, his eyes looking in every direction ensuring there’s no one around to bear witness to what is happening or perhaps hoping someone is. 

He does not object, instead he willingly steps forward even if he feels his heart racing with each movement he makes - the sensation is uncanny, he should be able to trust the man who stands holding out the door for him but contrary to what he knows he should be feeling, the desire to run for the hills remains. 

Jin can feel the thick, tense air choke him as the car peels away from the courthouse, his heart feeling as though it's stuck inside of his stomach, applying agonizing pressure and though he sits in complete silence, unable to move an inch - he can feel Taehyung eyes intently observing him. 

He wants to say something, anything that will bring them back to like when they were younger - longing to mend what has been fractured but no words come to him and as the seconds pass by in the harrowing car ride alongside someone whom he once shared everything with,  he comes to the inevitable conclusion that he doesn’t want to reconcile. The similarities that once had tied them all together now being differences he can’t bring himself to overlook. Yet, The desire to make amends leaves its residual inside of him. 

Time is cruel and they were not exempt from its vicious wrath. 

It had all begun with a school punishment, one that would lead Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jin to cross paths and become the bestest of friends and while Jungkook and Taehyung enjoyed a life of luxury and gluttony all thanks to the blood money their families were producing, Jin fought against the poverty that ripped through his. Who could blame him for wanting that same life? Not when his friends had allowed him such quick access to it, not when Jungkook paid for his college education under the promise that Jin would some day work for him. 

A promise that Jin had kept for a long time, until he came face to face with the truth of what his friends had become or in retrospect what they had always been.   

Back then Jin never thought of the consequences his actions would someday bring him, back then all he wanted was to be in Jungkook’s and Taehyung's world and now that he was, now that he was who had always dreamed of being - he was forever indebted. 

What could he do now that their interests no longer aligned? The only person that could blame Jin now was himself. 

The SUV arrives at the small restaurant Jin has visited many times before, it is the same restaurant where they have all shared their first drinks, their first heart breaks. Where they shared stories of their childhoods and their dreams. Where Jungkook had served Jin his entire future on a silver platter and the starving boy had eaten from it without a second thought. 

The meal now heavy on his shoulders, the weight of the burden forcing him to kneel before a man he has betrayed. 

As Jin steps out he notices Jungkook’s men standing along every corner of the street, evidence of the havoc he has contributed to in full display. His stare lowers as he stands in front of the restaurant and with a heavy sigh he takes in all that has changed since the last time he was here. memories of their laughter fills his mind and it dissolves his courage, in its place now a feeling of vulnerability he does not like nor is willing to accept. He senses Taehyung’s presence standing besides him and then feels his hand harshly slam on his shoulder, a tight grip coming soon after. 

“Welcome back” Taehyung whispers eerily into his ear. 

Jin is guided inside by the men who have accompanied him, Taehyung following closely behind. He hasn’t seen Jungkook in a long time. he fears he might not be able to recognize him, fears he won't be able to see the boy that he had once defended against the world, the boy who trusted him but due to the lack of contact probably no longer does. 

Not that he would expect him to either. 

He notes the vacancy inside of the restaurant which is usually packed with customers at this time, all the tables empty while music softly plays through the space. It reminds Jin of a museum. While the outside looks like a completely different place, the inside appears to be stuck in the same year the 3 of them had made the pact to always stay together.

 He is soon filled with acrid nostalgia, the same feeling he had felt when he first saw Taehyung standing in front of the courthouse.

As he continues his path he can feel his steps falter and it's like he’s forcing himself to walk, unable to take the guilt that makes a home inside of him the longer he remains in here. He is reminded of who he was, of who he no longer is and it aches, an ache his sleepless body can’t process. 

When Jin reaches the back of the restaurant his eyes land on Jungkook, his lungs drawing a breath he doesn’t dare release as he scans the man who does not notice his arrival. Jungkook sits in one of the many empty tables, his face lowered as he brings another string of noodles to his mouth yet, there’s not a hint of tranquility in his demeanor, his shoulders tensed and eyebrows furrowed. 

It's apparent he is disgruntled, Jin can perceive the strain his body and mind are under from where he stands- the scene before him causing him to grow mortified and his thoughts don't miss a beat as they remind him that this is his doing. 

“Kook” Taehyung speaks, dragging Jungkook’s attention to the men that stand before him, apprehension carved into his expression. 

The breath Jin has been gripping in his lungs escapes through his nostrils as he takes in Jungkook’s face - his skin pale and eyes hollowed and if he thought he was tired, perhaps drained then Jungkook has got him beat. 

“Was any of this necessary?” Jin raises his eyebrows, a smirk forming on his lips - his voice echoes within the empty restaurant and he concludes it is best to push his conflicted thoughts to the side. 

Jin can see the exhaustion in Jungkook's eyes, proof of the many nights he has spent in search for you and Jin struggles to believe that it’s just anger that fuels him but he concludes that there is too much he has missed and although he wants to think that he is staring at a friend, just as he had expected it’s like he is facing a complete stranger.  

Jungkook slowly wipes his mouth and pushes away the plates in front of him, a smirk crawling onto his mouth accompanied with a small laugh. 

“Just a bit of guidance, you know in case you got lost” he chews. 

“How polite of you” Jin retorts sarcastically. 

In spite of the fact they both attempt to conceal the animocity, the distance between the two friends is evident. Their bond strained, the thread that once held them together a pull away from snapping and they can both sense it as their eyes met.

“Take a seat” Jungkook offers, gesturing to the empty chair in front of him. 

“Im fine here” Jin responds, eyes glancing over at the men who stand on each side of Jungkook, holding the same threatening posture as the ones who had shown up with  Taehyung moments before. 

“Jin” Jungkook snaps, his patience withering away with each minute that passes.

“Sit.”

This time his voice is stern, demanding and it rattles Jin’s composure. 

Jungkook’s glare holds irritation; his fruitless vendor slowly drives him further away from rationality. The utter desperation that runs through his body makes him grow a little bit more insolent as time ticks by.  

Jin pulls out the chair in front of him and slowly sits in it- concern written all over his expression as he stares Jungkook down. 

“How have you been Jungkook?” Jin asks, the worry in his tone genuine.

“ I'm pretty you know the answer to that” Jungkook retorts, pouring himself another cup of whiskey. 

Jin’s eyes trail from Jungkook to the amber liquid that falls into the glass, a grimace emerging on his expression while he watches the alcohol hit the rim. 

“Well now you have me here, what is it that you need?” Jin clears his throat, he knows it's a stupid question to ask, he has already made his own assumptions of what this is all about but he opts to feign ignorance. 

Jungkook raises the overflowing glass to his lips, the taste causing him to hiss but he takes another gulp and then another until his tongue grows numb and his chest aches - the glass now half empty. 

“Oh i'm sorry, am i taking up your time Mr. Lawyer?” Jungkook leans his head to the side, a crazed look in his eyes “are you too busy for me? All those big cases, all those big wins” Jungkook's words drag with venom - dispersing into the hostile air and trickling  down Jin’s skin. 

“All thanks to me of course” he concludes and Jin lowers his head, a small chuckle emitting from his lips. 

“Is that why I'm here then? You thought I needed a reminder?” Jin comments. 

“It seemed like you had forgotten” Jungkook snaps. 

But Jin hasn’t, The thought that he has everything he has because of a criminal is rather ironic given his line of work, an irony that has enabled him to defend the most evil kind of men, something he has never been able to remove from the back of his head, the only thing that keeps him from believing he is a good person.  

“You have been holding onto that one for a while haven’t you” Jin smirks, a hint of repulsion in his tone. 

“Trust me i don't forget, i have to live with that decision for the rest of my life” Jin adds bitterly and Jungkook’s expression twists with certain chagrin. 

Jungkook sighs and leans his head back, placing the glass in his hand carefully on the table. He presses his lips together with distaste, his eyes closing for a moment while he allows Jin’s words to settle in his brain. 

Jungkook knows how much his decisions have brought them apart, it hurts him to know that now Jin can no longer see him as a friend and though the remorse remains packed up inside of him, there are no words significant enough that can express it. 

Yet, they both know he had no other choice. He couldn’t dream like Jin could - couldn’t choose a career apart from the one forced on him the day his parents were killed but he doesn’t dare open his mouth to defend himself this time, allowing their friendship to fall victim to collateral damage. 

“I need to know where Y/n is, Jin.”

Everything becomes muffled for Jin once again and those emotions that had left him trapped within his own mind in the courtroom come back crashing down all too fast, his throat compressing, which he tries to remedy with a gulp. 

He has known the motive for this meeting since that phone call and yet, nothing has prepared him for the statement Jungkook makes, his stare faltering at what this implicates. 

Jin can’t bring himself to speak and when he finally dissects Jungkook’s demeanor he confirms what he has feared all along, Jungkook knows something and though, he might not know the entire extent of his betrayal, the fact that Jungkook believes he can come to him for information is sufficient for his heart to swell with dread. 

“Why-” the word comes out a mumble, quieter than a mouse, his mouth filled with cotton as he tries to make sense of what he wants to say or better yet how he will excuse the accusation Jungkook has silently made but his mind is as blank as his stare.  

Jungkook watches Jin’s expression with careful eyes and though he is tired and his eyes feel heavy as he blinks, he inspects Jin with precision. ready to pick up on any hint  of deceit. 

“Have you forgotten who placed you in her life? Or did you convince yourself it was pure coincidence?” Jungkook states “i made you apply to be her tutor, i fabricated recommendations, i made sure that you appeared to be the best fucking tutor there was in fucking korea so that you could keep tabs on her, to ensure that she was living a good life in spite of her fathers endevors.” 

Jin lowers his stare, the reminder seeping cruelly inside of him - the fact that he has been lying to you for years revealing itself through Jungkook’s mouth, he has been unable and unwilling to divulge the truth about what his real intentions were when he appeared in your home under the guise of a tutor, of a mentor. 

It had been all a lie.

But He had miscalculated how much you would eventually mean to him, how much he would come to want to protect you even from the man he was most loyal to. 

He gained your trust, your friendship all so that Jungkook could monitor you and though initially it had been an orchestrated lie, everything else after that has been real. 

Jin glances away, his eyes filling with tears. His heart fills with disappointment, with inexpicable pain as his eyes flicker back to Jungkook. 

“So Imagine my surprise when i find that you have been meeting her for years” Jungkook spits, his hand sliding a manila folder in front of Jin, his intense glare on Jin as he waits for him to open it. 

“Jungkook '' Jin utters, his eyes fixed on the folder lying in front of it. 

“Go on” Jungkook demands, his voice jumping from the walls. 

Jin sighs heavily, his reluctant hand reaching for the folder. His mind rushing with ideas of what the folder can contain. 

 His hand trembles against the paper as he throws it open. In Front of him now an array of pictures taken of you and him entering and leaving the small cafe on different occasions and he swears in that moment his heart stops beating. 

“Have you been the one that has been putting things in her head? Did you not measure how dangerous this all could be for her?” Jungkook barks. 

Jin’s ears ring with the questions thrown in his direction - his hand closing the folder quickly before he pushes it away. He raises his stare back to Jungkook, who hasn’t stopped glaring in his direction. 

“You had me followed?” Jin asks. 

“Are you surprised?” Jungkook retorts. 

“You are insane” Jin scoffs “you have really lost it this time Jungkook - you go around the city destroying everything in your path, go to Yoongi’s club like a fucking manic for what? On a whim that he would know where she is?”

“I'm going to stop you right there Jin,” Jungkook interjects, standing from his chair. 

“I would burn this entire city to the ground if it means I get to find her.” 

When Jin stares into Jungkook’s eyes he can see the utter determination ripping through his exhaustion. 

“I don't know where Y/n is” Jin responds coldly. 

Jungkook smirks, his eyes glazing with darkness - his patience withering dangerously thin. 

“Please dont take my generosity as weakness Kim Seok-Jin, you will tell me where Y/n is even if i have to torture it out of you” Jungkook regrets those words only after they have been said, his mind flooding with hesitation - the feeling only increasing as he notices the fear he has instilled in Jin. 

It pains him to know he has been pushed to this point - his own desperation luring him to see the cause of their strained friendship in Jin’s eyes. 

“She is my friend, i would never betray her, if you had been different to her, if you had shown her how much you cared about her then perhaps -” Jin speaks and though the words are meant for Jungkook, it’s like he is trying to convince himself that he wouldn’t betray you once again. 

“How much will she consider you a friend when she finds out the truth?” Jungkook asks and Jin can’t answer - he knows Jungkook is right but it doesn’t make the idea of him giving you away any easier. 

“When she finds out the real reason you walked into her life? When she knows that you have been my friend for years, covering and cleaning up behind me?” 

Jin’s mind is flooded with the memories of all your meetings - of how much he had retracted from the information he had given you in hopes he could conceal the role he had played in the desolate life you had been living. 

Jungkook’s dad wasn’t the one that kept his criminal record clean, he was. 

And Taehyung’s accident, He was the one who paid that family off. 

And all the other countless messes he had made go away, all because they were his friends. 

“Why are you so keen on finding her? Haven’t you done enough” Jin asks, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion. He had never seen Jungkook so desperate, if he truly wanted revenge against you he knew Jungkook to be the type of man to wait out that kind of retribution, why was he so relentless, it didn't make sense. 

Jungkook lowers his gaze - the clock ticking inside of his head leaving echoes in each empty space that is not taken by the thought of you. 

“I have no intentions to hurt her Jin” Jin picks up on the dejection in Jungkook's tone, his stare faltering “not anymore but my father on the other hand, he needs someone to blame - for someone to punish and i need to find her before he can.” 

Jin disassociates from the room- a culmination of feelings rampaging through his body and he doesn’t know if Jungkook's words are true, his own lack of sleep and the complexity of the situation leaving him stunt. 

will he really protect you in the way he says he will? Or is this another plan?

Another method to get you back in their hands. 

Was this for your own good? 

“Jin” Jungkook exhales. 

The answer Jungkook needs sits on the tip of Jin’s tongue - uncertainty keeping his mouth shut. He can feel his heart drumming rapidly, the sound leaving him deaf. Would this really count as a betrayal? If he was only doing what he thought was best for you?

“Jin” Jungkook repeats, a sense of urgency in his tone. 

“Give me-” Jin sighs, tears building on the edge of his eyes. He stares at Jungkook while his chin trembles, his eyes speaking words he can’t bring himself to say. 

“86 Pyeongchang- dong, Jongno-gu” Jin whispers.

In that moment Jin comes face to face with the inexorable truth, that no matter how much he fights, no matter how much he changes, no matter who he defends….he is just like them. 

-

𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦.

𝐢 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞 𝐯𝐬. 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐩

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤/𝐝𝐦 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

© 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

@ane102,@thisartemisnevermisses,@jamlessstars,@cookysstuff,@gyeomibearr,@multiasf ,@lydinews,@vminkookgf,@chl0buggy, @peterstarkchrishiddleston , @koostrawberry , @jcrl99 , @coree730 , @melodiesforari , @taemond-in-the-ruff , @whoa-jo @jksusawife , @hoseoksluv89 , @piecesofapril11 , @coralmusicblaze , @junecat18 , @amiradumas , @mageprincess7 , @heartjiminie , @parkinglot-nights , @douknowbts , @str4gguk , @sarzkh31, @jjk970971 , @xwniazx, @jalexad, @hubbytaehyung, @wobblewobble822, @llallaaa, @gojosatoruhere, @defnotxara , @somehowukook , @jk-190811 , @googie-jeon , @melodiesforari , @harmonic55 , @kooliv, @heartwith0uthe, @somehowukook , @coldcoffee2121 , @anle102001, @whoa-jo , @yunoyeol

[deception-united]

(Requested by @reallyradballoon. Hope this helps!)

When writing a scene where your main character is about to kill someone for the first time, it's crucial to convey the emotional and psychological turmoil she's experiencing. Here are some tips for wording the scene effectively:

Focus on her emotions: Describe her feelings leading up to the moment of the act. Is she feeling fear, guilt, anger, or a combination of emotions? Use sensory details to immerse the reader in her experience, such as the pounding of her heart, the sweat on her palms, or the tightness in her chest.

Internal conflict: Show her inner conflict and turmoil. Is she grappling with her morals, struggling to reconcile her actions with her sense of right and wrong? Is there a voice of reason in her mind urging her to stop, or is she driven solely by the heat of the moment?

Physical reactions: Depict her physical reactions to the situation. Does she hesitate, her hand shaking as she holds the weapon? Does she feel nauseous or lightheaded? Show how her body responds to the stress and adrenaline of the moment.

Descriptive language: Use vivid and evocative language to paint a picture of the scene. Describe the setting, the lighting, and any other details that contribute to the atmosphere of tension and unease.

Thought process: Offer insight into her thought process as she grapples with the decision to take another person's life. Is she rationalizing her actions, convincing herself that it's necessary? Is she thinking about the consequences of her actions, both immediate and long-term?

Action and aftermath: Describe the actual act of killing in a way that conveys its impact without glorifying violence. Focus on the aftermath as well—how does she feel immediately after the deed is done? Is there a sense of relief, or does she feel overwhelmed by guilt and remorse?

Dialogue (if applicable): If there is any dialogue in the scene, make it realistic and impactful. Keep it terse and tense, reflecting the heightened emotions of the moment.

Consider how the act of killing will affect your character in the days, weeks, and months that follow. Will she be haunted by guilt and nightmares, unable to shake the memory of what she's done? Perhaps she'll develop a visceral aversion to violence and death, unable to stomach even the sight or mention of it. She may shrink away from situations where she's forced to confront the reality of death, or refuse to handle or even be near the weapon she used to take a life (an example of this can be seen in Insurgent by Veronica Roth, where Tris, the main character, refused to use a gun even when her own life was in danger, since she used one to kill her friend). These reactions can add depth to her character and provide opportunities for growth and redemption as the story progresses.

Happy writing!

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[astroamorsworld]

What does Taurus season have in store for your rising sign?

(I do not own this gif)

The sun enters Taurus on the 19th of April at exactly 3pm UK time. So lets see what this means for your rising sign…

Aries Rising: The sun is transiting your 2nd house. The 2nd house in astrology is associated with personal finances, possessions, and self-worth. With the Sun's transit through this house, you might feel a strong urge to build your financial security.

This could be a good time to:

Re-evaluate your budget and spending habits.

Explore ways to increase your income.

Invest in things that hold value for you, both material and personal growth.

The Taurean influence can make you more appreciative of what you already have. You might find joy in taking care of your belongings and surrounding yourself with things that bring you comfort and stability. The Sun's energy can boost your confidence, making you feel more secure in your abilities to earn and manage your resources. While enjoying the finer things is part of Taurus' nature, be mindful not to overspend. The focus on building security shouldn't lead to impulsive purchases.

Taurus Rising: The sun is transiting your 1st house. The 1st house in astrology is all about your identity, self-image, and how you present yourself to the world. With the Sun, the planet of vitality and ego, transiting this house, you'll likely experience a heightened sense of self-awareness. This is a great time to reflect on who you are, what you value, and how you want to project yourself to the world. You might feel more confident and assertive in expressing your unique personality.

Since the Sun is already in its rulership sign of Taurus (meaning it's in its most comfortable and powerful position), the transit further amplifies your natural Taurean qualities. These include:

Stability: You might feel a strong urge to create a sense of stability and security in your life.

Practicality: Your focus may shift towards practical matters and building something lasting.

Sensuality: This could be a time to indulge your senses and appreciate beauty and comfort.

Determination: Your natural Taurean determination will be further boosted by the Sun's influence, helping you achieve your goals.

With the Sun's spotlight on you, you might find yourself naturally attracting attention and taking on leadership roles. Your strong sense of self and confidence can inspire others. While Taurus has many positive qualities, it can also manifest as stubbornness. Be aware of the potential to become inflexible or resistant to change during this transit.

Gemini Rising: The sun is transiting your 12th house. The 12th house is linked to the subconscious mind, intuition, and dreams. With the Sun's transit, you might experience a heightened awareness of your inner world. Pay attention to your dreams as they could offer valuable insights and hidden desires.

The 12th house also fosters creativity and imagination. The Sun's influence can boost your creative flow, inspiring you to express yourself in new ways. This could be through writing, art, music, or any other creative outlet that resonates with you. You might find yourself more attuned to the emotions and energies of others during this transit. This heightened intuition can be a valuable asset in your relationships and can help you connect with people on a deeper level. Sometimes, the 12th house can also bring up unresolved fears, anxieties, or past hurts. The Sun's light might illuminate these hidden aspects of yourself. While it can be uncomfortable, facing these emotions can be a powerful step towards healing and personal growth.

Remember, your Gemini rising still brings a strong emphasis on communication and intellectual pursuits. The key is to find a balance between exploring your inner world (12th house) and engaging with the external world (Gemini nature).

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Gemini rising:

Practice mindfulness and meditation: This can help you connect with your subconscious mind and gain insights from your dreams.

Engage in creative activities: Let your imagination flow and express yourself artistically.

Pay attention to your intuition: Trust your gut feeling and use it to guide your decisions.

Seek support if needed: If you're struggling with difficult emotions, don't hesitate to talk to a therapist or counselor.

Cancer Rising: The sun is transiting your 11th house. Cancer, the water sign known for its nurturing and emotional nature, thrives in close-knit communities. With the Sun's transit through the 11th house, you might feel a strong desire to connect with like-minded people and build a strong support system.

This could be a time to:

Reconnect with old friends.

Get involved in a cause you care about.

Network and build new relationships with people who share your values.

The 11th house also represents your hopes, dreams, and visions for the future. The Sun's influence can bring renewed focus on these aspirations. You might feel inspired to take concrete steps towards achieving your long-term goals. Cancer is a cardinal water sign, meaning you crave emotional connection. However, it's important to find a balance between your own needs and the needs of the group during this transit.

While fostering connections is important, don't neglect your own emotional well-being in the process.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Cancer rising:

Spend quality time with loved ones: Strengthen your existing bonds and nurture your close relationships.

Explore ways to connect with your community: Get involved in local events, volunteer your time, or join a club that aligns with your interests.

Set clear boundaries: While being supportive of others is important, don't be afraid to say no when you need to prioritize your own well-being.

Revisit your goals and dreams: Take some time to reflect on your aspirations for the future and create an action plan to achieve them.

Leo Rising: With the Sun entering Taurus, it illuminates the 10th house for Leo risings. The 10th house is all about career, public image, reputation, and social status. This transit can be a powerful time for Leos to shine in these areas. Here's how it might affect you:

Leo, the fire sign of leadership and self-expression, naturally desires recognition and accomplishment. With the Sun, the planet of vitality and ego, in your 10th house, you might find yourself basking in the spotlight more than usual.

This could be a time for significant career advancements, public recognition for your achievements, or opportunities to take on leadership roles.

The 10th house is also associated with reputation and how you are perceived by the world. The Sun's influence can help you solidify a positive and powerful image. This is a good time to:

Showcase your talents and skills.

Take on projects that demonstrate your leadership potential.

Network and build relationships with influential people.

While the Sun's transit boosts your confidence, it's important to maintain a sense of humility. Leos can sometimes come across as arrogant, so be mindful of projecting an overly self-centered image.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Leo rising:

Embrace opportunities to lead: Step up and take charge when the situation calls for it.

Showcase your talents: Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and let your skills shine.

Network strategically: Build connections with people who can help you achieve your career goals.

Maintain humility: Acknowledge the contributions of others and avoid appearing overly self-important.

Virgo Rising: when the Sun enters Taurus, it occupies their 9th house. This house is associated with philosophy, travel, higher education, and exploration of beliefs. The transit of the Sun through Taurus can influence Virgo risings in interesting ways:

Virgos, the earth sign known for their analytical minds and desire for knowledge, are naturally drawn to learning and exploration. With the Sun in the 9th house, your thirst for knowledge might intensify. This could be a great time to:

Enroll in a course or workshop on a topic that piques your interest.

Read books and articles that broaden your perspective.

Engage in philosophical discussions with like-minded people.

The 9th house also governs travel and long journeys. The Sun's influence might ignite a desire to explore new places and cultures. This could be the perfect time to plan a trip or simply explore new areas in your own city. If travel isn't feasible, exploring new ideas and philosophies can fulfill this urge for expansion.

Sometimes, transits through the 9th house can prompt a reevaluation of your core beliefs and values. The Sun's light might illuminate areas where your current beliefs might need refinement or adjustment.

Virgos tend to be very analytical and detail-oriented. While this is a strength, it's important to be open to new ideas and perspectives during this transit. Embrace the opportunity to expand your worldview and challenge your existing beliefs in a healthy way.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Virgo rising:

Pursue knowledge and learning: Dive deep into a subject that fascinates you.

Consider a learning trip: Combine travel with intellectual exploration.

Engage in open discussions: Talk to people with different viewpoints and be receptive to new ideas.

Reflect on your values: Take time to examine your core beliefs and see if any adjustments are needed.

Libra Rising: The sun is transiting your 8th house. The 8th house governs transformation, rebirth, and deep intimacy. With the Sun's influence, you might experience a period of significant personal transformation. This could involve letting go of old emotional baggage, confronting your fears and vulnerabilities, or forging deeper connections with others.

The 8th house also deals with shared resources, inheritances, and financial dealings with others. The Sun's transit might bring opportunities for joint ventures, financial partnerships, or receiving financial support. However, it can also highlight areas where you need to be cautious about shared resources or dependencies. The 8th house has a connection to the occult, death, and taboo subjects. This doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a brush with death, but the Sun's influence might ignite your curiosity in these areas. You might find yourself drawn to explore topics like psychology, the mysteries of life and death, or even delve deeper into your own subconscious.

The 8th house can make you confront your vulnerabilities. While the Taurean influence encourages stability, this transit might push you to embrace change and transformation.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Libra rising:

Be open to personal growth: Embrace opportunities for self-reflection and emotional healing.

Communicate openly and honestly in relationships: Deepen your intimacy with your partner(s) by sharing your vulnerabilities.

Set healthy boundaries: While intimacy is important, be mindful of protecting your energy and resources when dealing with others.

Explore your shadow self: Don't shy away from confronting your fears and hidden desires.

Scorpio Rising: The sun will be transiting your 7th house. Scorpio risings might experience a period of significant focus on their partnerships (romantic and platonic) and collaborations. This could manifest in several ways:

Strengthening Existing Relationships: The Sun's influence can bring renewed focus on existing partnerships. Invest quality time with your partner(s), work on communication, and resolve any conflicts.

Attracting New Partnerships: You might find yourself attracting new connections, both romantic and platonic. Be mindful of the energy you project and the kind of partnerships you cultivate.

Focus on Balance and Compromise: Scorpio's intensity can sometimes create power struggles in relationships. Embrace the Taurean focus on stability and find a healthy balance between your desires and your partner's needs.

Business Partnerships: The 7th house also governs business partnerships and collaborations. This transit could bring opportunities for successful collaborations or highlight areas needing improvement in existing partnerships.

Legal Matters: The 7th house can also be associated with legal matters and contracts. Be mindful of any legal agreements or contracts you enter during this transit.

Tips for Scorpio Risings:

Invest quality time and communication in existing relationships.

Be open to new connections, but stay discerning.

Focus on balance and compromise in partnerships.

Approach business partnerships with a strategic and collaborative mindset.

Be mindful of any legal agreements or contracts.

Sagittarius Rising: The sun will be transiting your 6th house. The 6th house governs daily routines, work habits, and health practices. With the Sun's influence in this house, you might find yourself re-evaluating your daily routine or seeking ways to improve your work efficiency. This could involve:

Improving Work Habits: Streamlining your workflow, taking on a challenging project that motivates you, or developing new skills relevant to your career.

Focus on Health and Wellness: Prioritizing healthy habits like exercise, proper sleep, and a balanced diet.

Service and Daily Tasks: You might feel a strong desire to contribute and be helpful. Consider volunteering your time or taking on more responsibility at work.

Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving: The 6th house also deals with critical thinking and problem-solving skills. The Sun's influence can enhance your ability to analyze situations and find practical solutions to challenges you face at work or in daily life.

Relationships with Colleagues and Co-workers: This house can also influence your interactions with colleagues and co-workers. You might find yourself forming stronger bonds with others at your workplace or collaborating more effectively on projects.

Finding Balance Between Work and Personal Life: With the emphasis on work and routine during this transit, Sagittarius' natural love for adventure and freedom might need some attention. Remember to maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life. Schedule time for activities you enjoy and that allow you to recharge.

Capricorn Rising: The sun will transit your 5th house. Capricorn, the earth sign known for ambition and practicality, might not readily associate themself with creativity. However, the 5th house encourages exploration of your creative side. This transit could ignite a desire to express yourself through art, music, writing, or even a fun hobby. Don't be afraid to experiment and explore different creative outlets.

The 5th house also rules pleasure, leisure activities, and romance. The Sun's influence can encourage Capricorns to prioritize enjoyment and relaxation during this period. This could involve spending more time on hobbies you enjoy, indulging in a creative project, or planning a fun outing with loved ones.

For Capricorns who are single, the 5th house transit might bring opportunities for new romantic connections. Be open to meeting new people and exploring potential relationships, but remember your Capricorn practicality in setting boundaries and choosing partners who align with your goals. For those already in a relationship, this transit can encourage a renewed focus on romance and playful connection.

Capricorns are known for their dedication to work and achieving goals. The 5th house transit can be a gentle reminder to prioritize fun and creative expression alongside your work ethic. This can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Capricorn rising:

Explore your creative side: Experiment with a new hobby like painting, writing, or music.

Prioritize leisure and activities you enjoy: Schedule time for relaxation and fun.

Open yourself to new romantic connections: Be receptive to meeting new people (if single) or reignite the spark in your existing relationship.

Maintain a healthy balance between work and enjoyment. Remember to schedule time for both responsibilities and fun.

Aquarius Rising: When the Sun enters Taurus, it activates the 4th house for Aquarius risings. This house is associated with several key themes that can be particularly impactful for Aquarians:

Home and Family: The 4th house governs your sense of home, family dynamics, and emotional roots. This transit might prompt you to reflect on your childhood experiences and how they have shaped you. You might also feel a desire to create a more stable and secure home environment. This could involve:

Strengthening family bonds: Reconnecting with family members, having meaningful conversations, and fostering a stronger sense of belonging.

Creating a comfortable and nurturing home: Updating your living space to reflect your personality and create a sense of calm.

Exploring your emotional foundation: Reflecting on past experiences and how they influence your present emotional state.

Inner Security and Foundation: The 4th house also deals with your sense of inner security and foundation. The Sun's influence in Taurus, an earth sign associated with stability, can encourage you to build a strong foundation for yourself. This could involve:

Developing healthy habits and routines: Establishing routines that provide a sense of stability and structure.

Strengthening your financial security: Creating a budget, exploring new income streams, or making sound financial decisions.

Connecting with your core values: Reflecting on what truly matters to you and aligning your life choices with those values.

Traditions and Ancestry: The 4th house can also connect you to your family history and traditions. This transit might ignite a curiosity about your ancestry or a desire to reconnect with your cultural roots.

Finding Balance Between Innovation and Tradition:

Aquarians are known for their innovative spirit and desire to break away from the norm. While the 4th house emphasizes tradition and family, this transit can be an opportunity to find a balance between these two aspects. Embrace your individuality while also appreciating the traditions and values that shape you.

Some tips for navigating this transit as an Aquarius rising:

Spend quality time with family and nurture these relationships.

Create a comfortable and personalized home environment.

Reflect on your childhood experiences and how they influence you.

Develop routines and habits that provide a sense of stability.

Explore your financial goals and build a secure foundation.

Connect with your cultural roots and family history.

Find a balance between innovation and honoring traditions.

Pisces Rising: When the Sun enters Taurus, it activates the 3rd house for Pisces risings. This house governs several key areas that can be quite interesting for Pisces:

Communication and Self-Expression: The 3rd house rules communication, learning, and self-expression. With the Sun's influence in this house, Pisces risings might find themselves more articulate and expressive. This could be a good time to:

Engage in stimulating conversations: Dive into deep discussions with friends or loved ones.

Pursue creative writing projects: Express your emotions and imagination through writing.

Learn a new skill: Enhance your communication skills or delve into a topic that interests you.

Early Learning and Education: The 3rd house also relates to early learning experiences and primary education. This transit could prompt you to reflect on your early education or even revisit topics you learned as a child.

Immediate Surroundings and Local Community: The 3rd house can also influence your immediate environment, neighbors, and local community. You might feel a stronger sense of connection to your local area or find yourself more involved in local events or activities.

Inner World and Intuition: Pisces, a water sign, is already deeply connected to their intuition and inner world. The Sun's influence in Taurus, an earth sign associated with grounding, might encourage you to bridge the gap between your inner world and your outward communication. This could involve:

Creative outlets for inner exploration: Explore artistic mediums like painting, music, or dance to express your emotions.

Journaling and introspection: Use journaling to explore your thoughts and feelings and gain clarity on your inner world.

Finding Balance Between Intuition and Articulation:

Pisces are known for their powerful intuition and ability to connect with the subconscious. This transit can encourage you to express these deeper aspects of yourself in a more articulate way. Focus on finding a balance between intuitive understanding and clear communication.

Here are some tips for navigating this transit as a Pisces rising:

Engage in stimulating conversations with others.

Pursue creative writing projects or explore a new artistic outlet.

Consider taking a course or learning a new skill for self-improvement.

Reflect on your early learning experiences and how they shaped you.

Get involved in your local community.

Express your intuition through creative outlets or journaling.

Find a balance between your inner world and outward communication.

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