#redesigns because i like tailoring my interests to me!

[kmnco8]

[snarky-art]

Perhaps the domino gowns of s5...they....they need a bit of love 😭

Couldn’t not upload my favorite pairs too while they’re in such nice attire, as a treat

Anyway, bestie these were WILD to look at

Redesigning these meant trying my best to keep certain shapes, and then saying fuck it for most of them and just lore dumping through dresswear instead

Musa, Flora, and Tecna are in nice formal wear with some traditional elements and general stuff representative of their respective homes as guardian fairies and members of the winx and Stella, Aisha, and Bloom are wearing formal wear that’s drenched in years of political context and a lot of it with handed down elements select to the leaders of the body of government

Stella’s is a hodgepodge of her own selection and custom tailoring and Aisha’s is a more modern take on traditional elements that she prefers her royal stylist to stick to as a way to stay on trend and match with what she likes

Lore stuff and some explanations for changed that I feel like justifying below the cut if you’re interested!:)

For Musa I went more Ming dynasty and tried a longer skirt but it just didn’t really look right to me, so pants it is. The only thing I ended up keeping from her og dress was a line down the middle on the upper part of the outfit.

Aisha has the green gem featured in her crown (the one for the heir of Androsia) and her parent’s headwear as I’ve featured in other pieces and has been shown in between the two diamond jewels in the same formal wear pieces and as is shown on her bracelets. I realized I never specified what those are symbolic of ahaaa

The two diamonds are for the land and the sea, each equal in size and color for the symbolism of equal emphasis and importance in the standing of the government, with the green circle being where they touch. The Diamond shape is to represent each form reaching for each other and outwards, encompassing all around it, and the dot where they drop into each other, making the surface of the sea. Aisha as heir is currently meant to represent this unity as she is the result of Land and Sea symbolically through her parents with the way Androsian government works, and she is meant to currently do what she can to represent all her subjects’ interests before she takes her final place as the representative for the Land Androsi (if she does take that position at all actually because there’s some political turmoil in my thing with how government works rn that I talk about some in this post but shhhh we’ll figure that out later)

Tecna’s is a purple girlie.

There are lots of natural ways to dye things purple on Zenith (they do a lot of it synthetically or magically now) so lots of traditional stuff is purple and lucky for Tecna, they, like anyone who loves purple, isn’t normal about the color and enjoys a lot of traditional Zenithian garb as a result since a lot of it has that.

Flora was much easier to do and less time consuming because she’s already a floral person and I could translate the shape easily into something close to traditional Lymphean garb from her area. The only shame here is I originally thought it would be nice to keep it more teal and green heavy since she so rarely gets the chance to wear those colors in canon when compared to her more pink heavy color palette, but I ended up caving to purplish petals instead.

Bloom is doing The Most here, and I wanted to intentionally make her kind of awkward in terms of hair size compared to her body and fit in particular. Bloom doesn’t do much with her hair usually outside of a half up half down, but she has her mom’s fiery red locks and she is doing her first Official Royal Outing and not only is she going to dress to the 9s in a way that is over the top by most modern government standings, wearing as many official emblematic bits, shapes, and references to the royal body as possible, she wants to channel some of what Marion has as an expert diplomat and make her proud and she thinks looking like her might help. I feel like Marion has the genuine confidence, zeal, and presence through decades of experience and proper study and general demeanor to pull off the big hair though whereas Bloom is basically doing the equivalent of trying on her parents big shoes when she’s a toddler. It looks more like dress up on her than it does an actual fitting look for her first attempt at politicking (and Diaspro does point this out to Bloom, and while it is meant to be snide, it’s also meant to be her way of trying to tell her she’s trying too hard and she shouldn’t. Her and Bloom have a decent acquaintanceship of sorts at this point. They’re never going to be best buds but they don’t hate each other or hold any ill will. Their personalities clash though and they know their limits with each other at this current point in their relationship. No Diaspro Sky Bloom bullshit here thanks) and she’s anxious and insecure and desperately wants to make her Dominion parents proud, especially because of her insecurities for the obvious (didn’t grow up royal, new to magic, still scene as the legacy child for Domino even though it’s been newly resurrected, also meaning this is it’s first big foray back into the Magical Realm’s political sphere and it HAS to show they’re still a capable powerhouse, which is also part of why the meeting is being held on Domino too, as a courtesy favor from the other governments involved in The Infinite Ocean stuff to help get its foot back in the door), but most importantly, because she’s not Daphne, and that’s a sore subject at this current time.

For Stella, I managed to keep some shapes from the og dress, but it’s very slight. Stella at this point is big on embracing her moon heritage as well and advocating more for causes beyond just Solarian government stuff, as in the government body that lumps Lunarian stuff in with it, and is working hard on raising Lunarian interests as separate things, reenforcing the idea that their culture and people are separate but equal despite the attempted assimilation under the planet of Solaria itself, an assimilation that still hasn’t been fully stopped or systematically eradicated. She has charisma and charm to spare and is taking the actual nitty gritty “not so fun” parts of politics (ie actual info on sociocultural and socioeconomic trends, trade info, statistics and projected trends, etc. basically all the stuff that isn’t “show up to parties and mingle”) much more seriously now and is wanting to make proper and viable change in multiple areas of her future government, and she’s working on properly finding her footing in the world of direct action and political savvy maneuvering through proper head on negotiations.

[ultrainfinitepit]

Today's angels are the alternate designs for the Queerplatonic flag. I already discussed the rat angels for this flag, and these birds are just another option I came up with. I made them because I was a little worried that the rats wouldn't appeal to everyone, after all some people are afraid of rats, but it turns out they were wildly popular and won the polls easily.

I wasn't originally going to include these bird designs at all in the Pride Angels campaign; in fact I was considering making them on my own in different colors.

But since there was a bit of demand for them and people expressed that they preferred the queerplatonic colors for these designs, I decided to add them to the campaign roster.

For both these bird angels and the rat angels, I'm planning to make them as separate pins, keychains, etc. so that they may be shared between queerplatonic partners.

Since they're part of the Pride Angels roster, I'm not planning to make them in any other colors, but perhaps I'll change my mind in the future if there's enough demand.

This raises a question I would be curious for opinions on: if I make a Pride Angel design, should I only ever make it in its pre-determined flag colors or should I consider other flag colors or even non-Pride colors?

I do tailor each design to be for their flag, as I've been discussing in these redesign posts. But I have gotten requests to recolor certain designs for other flags. And I have also gotten people asking if the designs could be made in more neutral colors (such as monochrome) because they like the design but not the flag colors.

I ran a poll a while ago asking about this and most people said they would be fine with any colors for these designs. But then I got many fervent messages and comments from others saying it would defeat the purpose of having these designs be for Pride in the first place, so I decided against it at the time.

If you have any input on the matter you can let me know in the replies!

And if you’re interested in these angels as pins and more, check out my Pride Angels page for more details on how to get them.

Queerplatonic Angels (alternate) - final version. Flat colors, transparent background, linework under the cut.

Read the FAQ and follow the campaign: Pride Angels.

[queenlua]

Last week you mentioned GPG has really serious problems. Could you tell me more about them? I can't find much of anything online.

first, thanks for your patience with this appallingly late reply! september hit me like a truck :P

second: huh, wow, okay, a cursory google search really failed to turn up much stuff, huh. depressing!

i'm-a talk about the summer 2019 keyserver attack, not because that's the only issue / security vuln / fuck-up the project has ever had, but because it's (1) a hilariously bad fuck-up, and (2) generally reflective of how the project deals with security concerns, and thus demonstrates that the project is fundamentally pretty unserious

so.

this gist, by one of GnuPG's maintainers, does an okay job of summarizing the problem. a brief summary:

* one of the putative purposes of OpenPGP is to provide a "web of trust" via keyservers. i know Jane Doe, i meet her in person, i verify she is who she says she is, and i sign her key; that signature gets reflected in some keyserver, which acts like a big phone book. now, in the future, if you can't personally go verify Jane Doe's trustworthiness, but you do trust me, you can trust communications from Jane Doe, and you looked all this info up in the keyserver

* "what if a malicious actor tried to overload the keyserver?!?!" e.g. what if i spam ~150k signatures on some dude's key just to fuck with the network

* the answer, in the case of GnuPG, is, "this software is shitty and bad and can't deal with that volume so it just grinds to a fucking halt"

* ...and also most the keyservers try to copy their data from each other so you can have a ~web of trust~ throughout the network, which means, these malicious keys quickly perpetuate through the entire nnetwork

* which means anyone who receives the Forbidden Key Data TM, in practical terms, has broken their fucking GnuPG install, and that whole ~web of trust~ thing we built up is now unusable

technically speaking, this is not a security lapse per se! no cryptography has been broken; no secret data has been leaked. it is, however, a fairly straightforward denial of service attack, and is probably kind of disappointing if you wanted your security software to, you know, do software things

and look, anyone can be bitten by a nasty bug. you'll never see me being like "WOW WHAT DUMBFUCKS, HOW COULD ANYONE WRITE SUCH A STUPID BUG," because, y'know, there but for the grace of god i go, and all that. if anyone tells you they're smart enough to never write a bug, they're a fucking liar.  (my full-time job for a while was literally proving those people liars, and i never fucking failed, not because i am brilliant, but because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god. [sorry for all the god stuff; my long-abandoned southern baptist heritage comes through when i'm talking security for some reason])

however! the manner in which you respond to such a vulnerability matters:

* let's say i had discovered this bug in GnuPG. the industry standard, if i'm kind and polite, is: i disclose the bug privately to the maintainers, and they have a 90-day window during which to fix it. if they still haven't fixed the problem at the end of the 90 days, that's fine, that's their prerogative, but *i* also get to announce to the world "hey there's this bad bug, here's how i found it, and here's how to exploit it."

this is done to keep The World In General TM safer. see, i'm just some rando. if *i'm* able to find a bug in your shitty software, then it's guaranteed the NSA or Unit 8200 or some-other-super-secret-government-agency absolutely has the resources and wherewithal to find the same bug. and also, some slimy just-in-it-for-the-money hacker gang probably also has the resources to find it. by telling the company "hey, i will go public with this in 90 days," i'm lighting a fire under their ass to actually fix the problem, rather than just letting them pretend security by obscurity will save them, and if they don't fix it by then, then at least users have a prayer of finding out, hey, these dudes do not take security problems seriously, and making informed choices based on that.

there is some wiggle room in this. for instance, the fuck are cloud vendors supposed to do about something like Spectre/Meltdown? there were some shitty, not-100%-effective mitigations that could be done in software, but fundamentally the only real fix was getting new hardware, and tragically, we cannot redesign, manufacture, and ship brand new CPUs to everybody who might be affected within a 90-day timeframe. ergo, Google Project Zero pushed their disclosure deadline way out on that. but, crucially: they still went public at some point, and Intel did not cry "wah" or "no fair" or anything like that. they worked with researchers as best as they could, and once the cat was out of the bag, they offered public resources to help developers understand how their software might be affected. that's the rules of the game.

compare this to, uh, GnuPG's outrageously shitty response (from the previously-linked gist), which can basically be summarized as:

* "wah ocaml is complicated and we don't know how to maintain our own fucking software wah"

* "ten years [?!?!?!] wasn't enough time for us to fix the problem wah"

* "whoever did this attack is a hater :((((("

which. what. what the actual fuck. those are not actual reasons to not fix your sofwtare.

also, the way in which you present your software matters:

* i've thrown up shitty hobby projects on github before. if someone came to me all earnest with a CVE against them, i'd laugh, append the README to say "yo i threw this together on a weekend while i was buzzed, you should absolutely not be relying on this for anything that matters, xoxo lua." that is 100% fine! advertising THIS SOFTWARE IS NOT NECESSARILY SECURE and thus electing not to give a shit about security problems is fine.

* i've been a part of things that are... somewhere between a hobby project and Real Software TM. e.g., research prototypes that you're hoping will be widely used so you can get a better sense of desired use cases and unexpected constraints, but which you hope will be used primarily by "power users" or others who are interested in that project's specific goals.

such a project may not be able to offer the same kinds of security guarantees as Fancy Corporate Software, and that's fine, so long as they're open and honest about stuff like: what the goals of the project are, what we're sure of and what we're less sure of, how we're vetting our stuff, what our policies are when someone does report a security issue, stuff like that. there's plenty of stuff maintained on a volunteer basis that i'd generally trust because, i expect they'll notify me if there is a serious security concern to be worried about, or they have a long track record of excellence in a narrowly-tailored space, etc. that's all good.

* what you cannot, cannot, cannot do, is: claim to offer some kind of robust security solution to people in actually-precarious situations, and then not actually act like a steward of those person's interests. if you're, oh, telling Venezeulan dissidents "our [shitty hobby] software [with gaping, well-known vulnerabilities that haven't been exploited yet ONLY because no major nation-state entity has felt threatened by our code yet, but if they were so threatened, they could trivially wreck the entire project using a well-documented years-old vulnerability we can't be assed to fix because ocaml is hard i guess] is safe and reliable to use!"

...if you're telling political dissidents that? and then you get over-the-top pissed off at someone pointing out the fucking problem you refuse to fix? and somehow make it all about mememe? then fuck you, sincerely. the threat those dissidents face is not someone breaking the fucking key network. the threat is you, you personally, because you are fucking lying to them about what your software is able to do.

GOD. sorry, just. i reread that link and got so pissed again. fuck that attitude entirely. if you let people down, fucking just sit with that for a bit, okay?  sit and think and do better next time.  christ.

anyway.

this is a particularly gratuitous example of GnuPG maintainers being little shits, but in general they've been lackadaisical and dismissive some other times in the past when people have brought them real security problems, and then act all pissy if, y'know, people go public with said security problems. i haven't kept up with their work lately (i think maybe the community got kind of annihilated by this keyserver thing?) & i have other bones to pick with any project of that type (it's kind of taking the wrong tack entirely imho), but like, yeah, in general if a software community's response to security bugs is "oh gosh that's hard maybe we'll get to it someday," you should not be trusting that software lol

[whentherewerebicycles]

semester in review: fall 2020

TEACHING IS DONE FOR THE SEMESTER!!! the activity worked well and i think they came up with a lot of good thoughts / ideas for the seminar redesign in the spring. i did an initial skim through of their notes but i think i will now set them aside until early january, when i sit down to actually plan. i always want to start working on course planning at the very end of the semester, but i KNOW from experience that my brain is just too tired and too entangled in the concerns of that particular semester to do the necessary take-a-step-back meta thinking. 

before i close the mental book on the teaching part of this semester, though, i do want to just take a minute to reflect on what worked about this course design. i feel like often when i do a dramatic overhaul of course structures, i am trying to solve a particular problem - and then over the course of the semester, if the structures work to solve that problem and it becomes less pressing in my daily teaching life, i gradually forget what the original issue was and start noticing only the aspects of the course that aren’t quite working or that could be improved. but i DO think it is important to go back and remind myself of what i was trying to fix, and then to take some time to like, appreciate the effectiveness of the solution, before i jump into thinking about what could still be better.

behind the cut!

last year (my first year in the job) i think i did an okay job of teaching, but i was kind of thrown into the job with zero guidance and no existing curriculum to build on. and because i started the job just a couple weeks before the semester started, i didn’t have time to do the usual deep dive research to map out the major conversations & concepts within this broad field (community-engaged research, public scholarship, activist scholarship). i also had never advised the kinds of independent yearlong projects that students do, and did not inherit any guidance or clear expectations for what they were supposed to produce, so i was kind of flying blind and felt like i was always only a step or two ahead of them in anticipating problems. i also made the regular research meetings semi-optional, which meant that every semester there were some students i met with super consistently vs, some students i had to spend a lot of time and energy tracking down.

so when i sat down this summer, i really wanted to 1) learn the field more deeply, so that i could write clearer learning goals and make more informed decisions about how to teach this approach to research, 2) spend a lot of time researching and gathering different types of model projects, so i could give them (and myself) lots and lots of ideas of what their work could look like, and 3) develop consistent project tracking systems that gave students a lot of flexibility but still required some accountability and created a point of regular, weekly communication between us even if we weren’t meeting.

and i think i successfully did those things!! just in terms of my own research: i feel like i have a MUCH stronger grasp on the different methodological approaches & forms that community-based research takes across different humanities disciplines. that research helped me curate a much more coherent syllabus and enabled me to make more tailored recommendations to each student based on their particular research interests. i also have a clearer sense of the common stumbling blocks that students are likely to encounter in doing this kind of research, esp those who are transitioning from traditional academic research to alternative research practices. and i also have accumulated about a gazillion different examples of engaged scholarship, and we got to do extended work with 18 different research projects over the course of the semester (with a really nice mix of approaches, target audiences, and ‘research product’ forms). 

just to refresh my own memory, here were the new learning outcomes i wrote for this semester:

By the end of the fall semester...

You should be able to identify, discuss, and evaluate a range of different research methodologies / approaches to research in the humanities and social sciences. Our focus will be primarily on reparative, action-oriented, and/or community-based research methodologies.

You should be able to explain (or thoughtfully speculate about) the ethical and practical reasoning behind a researcher’s choice of methodology or approach.  

You should be able to describe a range of research outcomes or research “products.” In evaluating research products, you should also be able to evaluate who the project’s intended audience is and how effectively each project engages its target audience.

You should be able to articulate your values, commitments, and responsibilities as a community researcher (i.e., your personal research philosophy or “code of ethics”).

You will have begun to develop and implement an approach to research that aligns with your personal values and is answerable to the specific communities you work with.

based on their freewrites, group work, project logs, and my weekly or biweekly individual meetings with students, I feel confident that every student in the program met every one of these outcomes. Like I think you could ask any of them to talk at length about any of these things, and they would be able to do so eloquently, with the ability to reference specific examples from the semester and to articulate specific applications in their own independent projects. that is WAY more than I could say for last year’s group (which was not their fault, lol, they just had a teacher who was brand new and had no supervision). So even as I nitpick and think about what I could do better next semester (you can always do better next semester!), I actually am pretty proud of the big changes i made and i can see a direct path from those curricular changes to the significantly higher quality research students did this year.

the other big part was the project management part, and i feel pretty good about that too! i had one student give really negative feedback on the project tracking systems (we have.. some philosophical disagreements about how programs should be run, lol) but everyone else put the different components of the project management systems in their “strongly supports learning & program experience” or “moderately supports” column (the other possible columns were “neutral or slight negative impact” or “negatively impacts”), and i got good specific comments from students about

but also: i feel like good project tracking systems are 40% about the students and 60% about helping me responsibly supervise multiple long-term projects that have a lot of moving parts & require consistent community partner follow-through. so i am glad that it seems like they helped students stay on track or stay organized, but that was only ever part of the goal, and the more important piece for me was just making sure that every single week, i could mentally map out where every student was in the process and identify which students needed targeted interventions. having those project log notes (my mentoring notes and their project journal entries) meant that i also came into each meeting much better prepared and didn’t have to spend as much time refreshing my memory on what they’d been working on or what i was concerned about with particular students. so redesigning those systems enabled me to just do a much better job of anticipating problems they were likely to encounter 2-3 months out, in contrast with last year when i was often only able to forecast 1-2 weeks ahead (and even then not always with much certainty). and all of that was SOOOO important for this year in particular, where it would’ve been super easy for students to slip through the cracks or fall out of touch for long periods of time.

there’s definitely things i want to adjust in those tracking systems for next semester, and i think i will need to do some careful planning work around smaller milestones on the leadup to the big project. spring semester 2020 was just an absolute fucking nightmare for everyone and we pretty much plummeted headfirst into the abyss together, but so much of that was just the unpredictability of everything and the total lack of clarity about what the next two weeks or two months would look like. so while i am a tiny bit concerned about my ability to do this last part (successfully coach their projects from the design / initial build stage to completion and presentation), i think that some of the things that made that so difficult last year will not be an issue this spring. and i think, again, with careful planning, i can predict some of the likely obstacles and identify the students who seem like they are going to have the most trouble finishing (because the scope of their project is too ambitious or because they are underestimating how much labor it will take to actually build the thing they want to create).

SORRY lol just had to pep talk myself right on through that spasm of self-doubt! but to return to my original point: i successfully diagnosed the problem this summer, designed solutions, and implemented those solutions. there were still some bumps in the road and a few students who will need a little additional thinking/planning, but on the whole, it was a really smooth rollout and the workflow things i implemented made my daily work life SO much easier. i also feel like i was able to “leave work at work” more this semester as a result, because having everything organized in one place meant i could do a quick 5-10 min prep session before each meeting instead of spending time the night before trying to piece together from my scattered notes what we’d talked about in our last meeting. final evaluation: SUCCESS, with some good ideas for how to tweak & streamline those systems in the spring. 

so! good work me! but actually just like, i find it really useful to take stock like this. i feel like it’s useful to remind myself that seeing new problems at the end of the semester is actually a good thing - because it means that the old problems that loomed so large last year have been resolved, or at least aren’t as pressing in my day to day work life.

i often remind myself, when i find myself comparing my teaching to other people’s teaching and seeing only the ways that i fall short, that no class can be all things to all people, and that the more useful metric is: how effectively does my teaching satisfy the goals i’ve set for myself & concretely embody / enact the teaching values i’ve chosen to ground my work in? if i measure teaching effectiveness that way, i can see how well i’ve done at meeting the goals i’ve set for myself, and then i can reflect on whether i want to rethink those goals/priorities to achieve different outcomes. i think something similar applies here too. if i measure the effectiveness of a course i’ve taught or a program i’ve coordinated against the best, most idealized, most perfect class or program imaginable, i will only ever see the ways in which my design doesn’t measure up. but if i look back to the practical problems i identified and the solutions i designed to try to solve those problems, then i can gauge my effectiveness much more accurately & fairly, without getting caught in that perfectionist’s spiral.

that doesn’t mean i did the thing perfectly, or that i have to ignore the things i didn’t do so well, or the flaws in my systems, or the personal lapses i had during weeks where i was less organized/prepared. it just means that it’s okay to honor the hard work i put into this semester and take some time to appreciate the positive outcomes of that work. and then i can get back to the drawing board to identify new problems, articulate new priorities, and design new or more elegant solutions. onward!

[petork]

-105 please

NB i am told this was meant to say 1-50

thanks queen <3 here we go

1. Who is your favourite ghost?

lately? it's been kitty. and i'm contractually obligated to love the captain

2. If you could see the ghosts like Alison, which one do you think would come the closest to making you want to leave the house?

the obvious answer is julian but probably actually robin, i HATE being spooked (as the asker can attest xx)

3. How would you feel if you couldn’t see the ghosts, but knew they were there, like Mike?

i'd feel mad jealous even though i'd actually have it pretty good. the other person would be trying so hard to tell me how much it sucks and i'd just be like 'but... goast.....'

4. Would you want to see ghosts like Alison, or would you rather be ignorant to their goings and doings?

again my immediate answer is I WANNA SEE THEM but i also know that might suck in many ways. at least for a while. i am not a patient person so i don't know if i could learn to live with them like alison could. but on the other hand... the chance to actually talk to people from the fucking actual past... thinking emoji!

5. If you were a ghost living in the house, would you rather be upstairs with the main nine ghosts, or downstairs with the plague ghosts?

upstairs for sure, sorry to the plague ghosts but i do not want to hang out in a basement for eternity

6. If you were someone who died in the house would you rather be “sucked off” immediately, or would you like to hang around a bit and get to know some of the other ghosts before getting “sucked off”?

i would probably just end up staying forever because i'm scared of the void of death.... <3

7. Which ghost would you miss the most if they were “sucked off” in the next series?

UNBELIEVABLE question? i'd miss ALL OF THEM. but see question 1 also

8. Which ghost do you think you’d get along with the best?

it's hard to say. i think they would all get on my nerves because as said i am not very patient. but the one who would irritate me LEAST... maybe pat?

9. Which ghost would you say you’re most like?

captain. not to be a cliche but i'm gay and repressed. and also irritable and grumpy

10. Which ghost would you say you’re least like?

JULIAN

11. What is a (popular or not) fan theory that you love?

(pasted from prev answer) i don’t actually like ship it because he’s definitely older than her, but a couple of people have said kitty sometimes acts like she has a crush on thomas. which is cute to me even if she does need to get better taste (love u kitty xxx)

12. What is a (popular or not) fan theory that you don’t quite agree with?

(pasted from prev answer) not so much a specific theory but i disagree with the general idea that anything of consequence went on with the captain and havers. i think it was meant to come across as just a snippet of the captain’s poor sad gay life and, as several brain geniuses have pointed out, due to the timing of germany invading france + the captain’s medals the flashback must have been from a good few years BEFORE he died. and i think the flashback was the last time they ever saw each other, so i don’t think that a) havers has any link to the captain’s eventual death or 2) anything romantic ever happened between them

13. Favourite ship and why?

captain x my cute oc boyfriend because i've tailored it to my exact needs. why ship retail when you can ship bespoke?

14. Least favourite ship and why? (Please be nice though!)

patcap as we all know. like YES i'm a contrary bitch so i don't like things that are popular and i do think i'm better than everyone else... but really idk why exactly i just don't gel with it at all. and when i've tried to read fic in the past it feels to me like their characters are kind of flattened. and i think the captain is too much of a bitch. and i think pat is serving us normie heterosexual. it's the 'cinnamon roll' ship of this fandom and i can't STAND (metaphorical) cinnamon rolls. AND ALSO pat is not the simple soft dad cinnamon roll fandom often makes him out to be! like he is a very nice person but he's also fucked up and insane like all of them. anyway my brain charges extremely low rents

15. If you could go back in time and live in the house/on the property at the same time as one of the ghosts when they were alive, who would you pick?

captain. need to know wtf's going on with him

16. Would you rather inherit the house (and its ghostly inhabitants), or just visit?

realistically... visit. i think i would lose my mind eventually if i lived there

17. Do you think we’ll ever know how every ghost died? Do you think there will be anyone whose death we’ll never learn about?

i hope we do, but i also appreciate that isn't the sole point of the series, otherwise it would be kinda boring and discovering how they died wouldn't be as impactful. if there's anyone's death we don't find out about, i think it would probably be robin? lol what if it was so long ago he just forgot

18. What is your favourite Ghosts fanfiction?

so i'm stupid and i never use bookmarks on ao3..... i've read a LOT of different fics i like but do you think i can revisit them? no! because i'm stupid! so i cannot fairly pick an absolute fave sorry

19. What is your favourite Ghosts fan art?

THIS <3

all the babies and children on here talk about horrible histories the show being 'their childhood'........ put some respect on terry deary's name. and this artist did!

20. Tag 5 favourite Ghosts fandom content creators!

honestly i'm not good with like. knowing people. but here are 5 fanfics i've enjoyed (based on the author's replies in my inbox because, again, i am too stupid to use bookmarks)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28287567

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868645

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653192

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28067277/chapters/68761830

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26957662/chapters/65795407

21. Are there any historical periods you wish we’d have gotten to see a ghost/ghosts from but didn’t?

(pasted from other post) not to be predictable but i would have liked to see a 1960s ghost. like a mod who crashed his scooter or something. we have enough 20th century ghosts though but i believe the us remake has some kind of hippie ghost…

22. What is something you’re hoping to see in a future series?

flashback to the captain getting some. like implied or whatever. i can't cope with him dying a virgin. he needs this

23. What is something you’re hoping to see in a future series, but know we probably WON’T get to see?

(pasted from other post) alison meets someone else who can see ghosts, and we get to see the ghosts at THEIR house…. i always love it when we see extra ghosts but i know they probably won’t make any recurring because it would come off as running out of ideas. but i still think they should add a 90s teenager named roy

24. Which lesser-seen characters would you like to see more of in future series?

tbh there's none i can think of that i think we should SEE more of, they get a pretty good balance. there are some i definitely want to learn more about though

25. Are there any characters you wish we’d see less?

don't make me pick a least favourite child </3 but also i think thomas could probably tone it down a bit.

26. Favourite one-liner?

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU, MY COMELY NUG - me whenever i order chicken nuggets on just eat

27. Favourite episode?

DON'T EVEN... i like 2x06 and 3x05 a lot

28. Top 5 headcanons for [insert character name here]?

i'm going to do the captain because obviously i am

- he may or may not have been lavender married

- he may or may not have had a drinking problem

- public schoolboy with domineering father, clearly

- IF he had a lavender wife then she spent all her time in the company of her 'odd' female friend who wore men's clothes, smoked cigars and drove a motorbike. the captain was obviously clueless

that's 4 so a cheeky one for fanny:

- she did a lot of medicinal coke

29. Whose costume is your favourite?

kitty. gotta love an ott ballgown

30. Whose costume is your least favourite?

that's an offtopic question. you have been stopped.

31. If you could do a complete redesign of one of the ghosts’ costumes, whose would you change and how?

i would give thomas his double denim

32. If you could play any of the existing ghosts, which one would you want to play and why?

i think i'd be good at playing mary. meek weird girl who says things that don't make any sense? omg she is LITERALLY me

33. Which ghost would you least like to play and why?

julian, i'm not getting my pussy out

34. What one thing would you miss most if you became a ghost and had to live by the same rules as the Button House ghosts?

FOOD. food. eating and food.

35. How do you think one or more of the ghosts whose deaths we haven’t seen died? Or, if we know the cause of death but not the reason for the death (like Mary being burned as a witch or Humphrey being beheaded), why do you think they were killed?

i think mary's execution might have had something to do with her husband's death and her being unfairly accused or something. also like, she just acts kinda weird, and we know how that often played out for women back then...

and i think the captain died in some really boring mundane natural causes way (congenital heart attack or something) but he's stuck around because a) he's never come to terms with the whole h*mo thing and 2) he was just really mad that he died so boringly

36. Favourite [insert character name here] moment?

CAPTAIN GETTING KITTY TO SMILE

37. What do you think [insert character name here] was like when they were alive? Do you think they were exactly the same as they are now, or do you think there were any major or minor differences?

ok i'll do fanny for this one. i think she was less domineering when she was alive, in death she clearly thinks of herself as above the other ghosts and bosses them around, and when she talks shit about george it's not like he can get back at her in any way. but it would be interesting to see how they interacted when both were alive

38. It’s your turn to pick a movie for film club! What are you watching?

(from prev post) i haven’t seen any movies errr….. maybe austin powers because it’s so sad that julian died just a few years before it came out because he would love it and get really annoying about quoting it all the time and it would be really funny for the captain (who thought the movie was unironic) to have to deal with that. and fanny would NOT COPE.

39. Would you rather share a room with Thomas (constantly sighing and reciting bad poetry) or Fanny (falls out of the window screaming every night)?

fanny. men be quiet challenge

40. If you could do some kind of historical swap (i.e. place a ghost in a different period from their own), who would you choose and what period are they from now?

i would like to give kitty the chance to be a 20th or 21st century girl. maybe an era like the 60s or 80s that was known for daring fashions, i think she would luv it

41. Let’s settle this once and for all. Who’s the real leader, the Captain or Pat?

fanny

42. If the ghosts could eat, what is one food you would like to share with them that they might not have tried before?

doritos tangy cheese, mountain dew baja blast, 4loko. i would make thomas try a jalapeno. i would also make them try my cooking experiments because i do that to anyone i live with

43. You’ve heard rumours of a tenth upstairs ghost who doesn’t often venture out of their room to visit with the other residents of the house. Who are they? (i.e. make up a ghost OC. I know i’m putting you on the spot. I just want to see what you come up with.)

it's george button and his bitch ass is too scared of his wife to come down. his downfall comes when he finds out there's another gay ghost and simply has to clap them cheeks (he fails)

44. Tell me a song you think [insert character name here] would like, or a song that reminds you of them!

i think alison's probably already introduced him to them but thomas + anything by the smiths. i would also make the captain sit quietly and listen to a tracy chapman cd (for my lover...)

45. What song(s) do you think would annoy certain ghosts the most?

the smiths would annoy everyone except thomas. literally they'd all be trying to re-kill him

46. Who is one actor you’d love to see guest star? What kind of character would you like to see them play?

steve coogan as like. anyone. preferably a ghost. a roman centurion ghost if you wanna get cultural. but seriously i just want alan

47. If you could have one Horrible Histories song in Ghosts (either sung by a ghost/ghosts, or playing on the TV or computer for them to watch), which one would you want it to be and why?

that song about how no 'british' stuff is actually british. like tea. i want julian to melt down

48. What do you think the ghosts’ jobs would be in a modern living-human AU where they’re all just chaotic housemates?

captain & kitty: have their own wedding planning company

julian: still a politician but instead of an mp he's like a parish councillor. handforth antics

fanny: headteacher

robin: cool off the shits teacher at same school who undermines fanny wherever possible. deals weed to students

mary: runs a shop selling like healing crystals and incense and dreamcatchers

humphrey: customer service supervisor who actually likes his job because he takes no shit and just fucks with every single customer

thomas: unemployed podcaster

pat: dogwalker

49. What is one modern invention you think [insert character name here] would be surprised or confused by?

fanny would be so baffled by any Feminine Products. when she discovers tampons it's all she can talk about for a week. the mooncup made her go into a coma

50. Name an AU you haven’t seen someone create content for, but which you’d love to read a fic or see some art for.

not to be the way i am but i'd love if anyone ever drew art or something about my au which is a modern-day au where fanny and captain are alison and kitty's divorced parents, julian and robin are captain's brothers and alison's wack uncles, mary is their childhood nanny, thomas is a student lodger at button house, humphrey is a cat and pat is just some guy. but yeah in the past i've had a couple of anons on here mention it and i did melt into a puddle... i think if someone did art i'd explode and die. in a good way like

[aj-illustrated]

what’s this is it a one-shot born from my love of Varian’s redesigns

Fic below the cut!

It was his dad’s idea to get him the goggles.

Varian couldn’t remember how old he was when he first took up alchemy, but he remembered his first major explosion like it was yesterday. Setting the garden shed on fire at the tender age of four had to be some kind of record.

His dad was positively livid, and once the fire had been put out and Varian was checked over for injuries, he was stuck with his nose in the corner for what felt like hours. Of course, that didn’t stop him from plunging headfirst back into alchemy the minute his father’s back was turned, and it was only a matter of time before Varian was once again in time out.

Eventually, Dad realized that the time outs weren’t working and Varian was going to keep mixing chemicals regardless of how much trouble it got him into. So on Varian’s fifth birthday, instead of a new toy, Dad had gone into town and purchased a brand new pair of brass-lined goggles.

“There,” Dad had said, strapping the goggles around his son’s head. “Now you can do your experiments safely.”

“Like a real alchemist?” Varian had asked in earnest, grinning so broadly that he thought his face might split.

Dad smiled. “Like a real alchemist.”

******************

It was Xavier’s idea to get him the apron.

Ever since he was little, he’d been using the small kitchen apron his father had made for him years before. But by the time he was eleven, the apron was frayed and scorched in certain places where he had spilled some of his more volatile substances– not to mention, it was so small that the strings could barely tie together and the front fell just above his knees. Something would have to be done about that.

Over the years, Varian had gradually taken on the responsibility of the household mending. Between him and his father, there was an abundance of shirts to be patched and socks to be darned, and Dad was… admittedly not super great at it. Luckily for Varian, sewing came naturally to him, and he didn’t mind the chore so much as he wished he could get it done faster.

Initially, he’d only gone into town to pick up some extra fabric to adjust the length of his apron and maybe get some extra thread, but as always, the temptation to wander inside Xavier’s forge overcame him. Something about the smell of coal dust and molten iron drew him in like a moth to a flame, and no matter how he tried, he could never bring himself to look away from the sight of Xavier pounding a slab of metal into an actual working tool. As far as Varian was concerned, this was as close as the world was going to get to real magic.

Evidently, it seemed like Varian stood staring for too long that day. Xavier turned from his anvil to face the boy, his eyes twinkling with amusement. 

“Like what you see, eh?” he asked playfully, a smile curling at the corner of his lips. “Why don’t you take a closer look?”

Varian’s feet seemed to gain a mind of their own, because before he knew it, he was standing at the edge of the anvil, eyes fixated on the gleaming hunk of iron before him. It was like staring into the sun, the glow was so bright, but Varian couldn’t tear himself away.

“So, young alchemist…” Xavier drawled, glancing down at the enraptured boy. “What brings you to the capital this fine day?”

Varian finally looked up from the anvil. “Just picking up some new fabric. My, uh… my apron needs some repairs.”

“Does it now?” asked the man playfully. “I might know of something that could suit your purposes.”

Xavier ducked into the back room, and in a moment returned with a folded length of brown cloth. “Recently, I bought some leather for the tailor to fashion me a new pair of gloves. But it seems as if I bought too much,” he said, offering the cloth to Varian. “Leather is a fire-resistant material, and your father has told me of some of your… eh… close calls. Perhaps you could find some use for this.”

Varian took the cloth with wide eyes, nodding and murmuring a thank-you. By the same time next week, he’d completed the last stitch of his new, fireproof apron. It was a bit big (Varian hadn’t wanted to waste any of the precious leather), but he still had plenty of time to grow into it.

Oh well, back to work. Those pesky raccoons were eating away the apple harvest again... 

******************

It was Andrew’s idea to get him the coat.

“You have to show these filthy Coronans who’s boss,” he’d said, not long after the coup had taken place. “And no offense, kid, but you’re kind of a runt. You’ve got to do something to make yourself look more intimidating.”

Varian hated to admit it (and he hated it more to hear it said out loud), but Andrew had a point. He was barely five foot two, and though he was hoping for another growth spurt, it didn’t seem to be coming any time soon. The coat in question was stolen off a rich noble, a glossy red-and-black leather that was a size too big, but it certainly did the job of making Varian seem larger than he actually was.

The slick black boots followed soon after, and so did the fanged bandana. With every new addition, Varian got more and more used to his new identity. He wasn’t just Varian the alchemist, Varian the screw-up – he was Varian the Saporian, and he was going to use his newfound alliance to make everything right… no matter how wrong it felt.

******************

It was Eugene’s idea to get him the suit.

It had only been a few weeks since they had taken down the Saporians and freed his father, so Varian didn’t fully expect for things to feel normal just yet. He was thrilled to have Dad back, of course, and Rapunzel commissioning him to help rebuild Old Corona had kept him busy– designing blueprints and schematics might be second nature to him at this point, but it was certainly a step up to redesign an entire village.

When he wasn’t actively involved with a royal project, though, he was ignored or brushed off by pretty much everyone but the princess herself. That was... fine. To be perfectly honest, Varian didn’t expect anyone to start trusting him right away. Or ever again. Varian didn’t even trust himself after everything he’d done. So when Eugene had glanced him over and judged that he was in need of a new wardrobe, saying Varian was shocked would be an understatement.

At the moment, Varian stood alone in one of the palace dressing rooms, buttoning the vest of the freshly tailored suit of clothes Eugene had insisted be made for him. 

“Believe me, Goggles, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the suit makes the man,” he’d said with a grin, gently pushing Varian inside the dressing room. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re pretty amazing as-is, but I’m thinking you could use an update. Starting with some clothes that actually fit.”

Eugene– or rather, Flynn Rider– had been Varian’s hero ever since he was old enough to pick up a book. Even when they were technically enemies, Varian couldn’t help but admire Eugene’s strength and ingenuity. He was everything Varian wished he could be, right down to the forgiven criminal record and flawless facial hair (which may or may not have served as the inspiration for Varian’s drawn-on goatee). 

Varian glanced himself over in the mirror, straightening up a bit. He looked… older. Mature.

He took a deep breath, chancing one more look in the mirror; something seemed like it was missing. Glancing over towards the pile of his old things, a glint of glass and metal caught his eye. With a smile, Varian slipped on his goggles– the ones his dad had given him so many years before.

Perfect.

******************

It was Varian’s idea to get the second hairstripe.

Being the Royal Engineer had its perks, sure, but spending every day solving other people’s problems had long since grown tedious, and Varian couldn’t deny that a part of him yearned for something... more. More what, he wasn’t sure yet, but he was hoping that these “seven trials” his mother had spoken of her in her old journal would give him that answer.

That is, if he ever convinced Dad to let him seek them out.

Varian had gotten his work at the castle done early that day, and when he arrived back home in Old Corona, Dad was still working in the fields and would be until sunset, which was hours away. Hopefully, Varian wouldn’t lose his nerve before then.

It wasn’t long before boredom overtook him; he’d read all his books, and he’d left all his projects for the kingdom back at the palace. He had practically memorized his mother’s journal at this point, and as of late, it was the only thing that seemed to capture his interest for longer than thirty minutes. 

Varian sighed, pressing his back against the wall and glancing over to the mirror hung on the wall across from him. His eyes wandered up to the streak of turquoise in his bangs and he absentmindedly tugged on the lock of hair; Dad said that Mom was experimenting with different formulas for shampoo and had tested one of them on an infant Varian. According to Dad, while the formula had gotten his hair clean, it also permanently stained the roots blue– which in retrospect was pretty funny, though Varian could only imagine Dad’s reaction when he saw the results of his wife’s experiment.

The longer Varian dwelled on the streak, the more the idea of dying his hair began to appeal to him; if Mom could do it, why couldn’t he? It wasn’t difficult to color hair... he just needed a bit of hydrogen peroxide and some sort of colorant...

Dad came in from the fields a few hours later, and by that time, the washroom basin was smeared with homemade hair dye and so were Varian’s gloves. A second, slightly brighter streak of blue adorned Varian’s hair, still wet from application.

Looking back, dying his hair probably wasn’t the smartest decision Varian could have made to convince his dad that he was responsible enough to venture out into the Seven Kingdoms on his own. Then again, at least he didn’t try to pierce his belly button (an argument Dad did not appreciate).

Luckily, Dad wasn't nearly as upset about it as he could have been (he was more concerned with the state of the washroom), and by the time Varian found it in himself to bring up the idea of him leaving home, Dad... wasn’t actively opposed to it.

“I’m not going to say I love the thought of you traveling on your own,” Dad explained wearily as he helped load a bag of supplies onto Prometheus’s back. “But you’ve more than proved that you can take care of yourself. Just... stay safe. And when you feel ready, come home.”

Varian nodded, swallowing down the lump in his throat. “I... I’ll write to you as often as I can,” he said as he mounted the donkey, reins in hand. “I promise.”

Dad smiled down at him, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to hear about all your adventures,” he replied softly. “I love you, son.”

“...I love you too, Dad.”

With a flick of the reins, Varian was heading down the path leading past the Corona walls, the early morning sun shining like a beacon into the beyond.

[cosplayinamerica]

TONY

Going to gaming conventions like GenCon, it wasn’t unusual to see medieval costumes and Klingons. It wasn’t until I went to an anime convention called Anime Central in 2001 in Chicago that I saw cosplays of anime characters; they were more numerous and varied than gaming cons and renaissance fairs. For many years, I didn’t have the urge to dress up as a character. I guess I hadn’t seen a particular character I really liked enough to cosplay until I saw Vampire Hunter D. I forget how long I spent on it, but at Anime Expo 2006 I debuted my Vampire Hunter D cosplay.

Vampire Hunter D was pretty well received, going by the number of times I was stopped for pictures, the number of simultaneous photographers, and the times I heard some fan yell to get my attention and come running at me. The next year was even better because the manga adaptation of the novels had been announced. I ended up being stuck posing in front of the booth display for 30 minutes. It might have been pretty good at the time, especially for a first cosplay, but in hindsight some of the pictures were cringe-worthy! Bad makeup, something about the costume that needed adjusting, unflattering poses – all things that have been improved since then.

When I got into cosplay, there weren’t a lot of good resources. Besides a copy of Vogue Sewing, most of what I found was less about costuming and more about historical recreation. So I stuck with that path, learning pattern drafting, historical fashion, fit and tailoring. I get a kick out of making my cosplays well-constructed and functional, with pockets and proper closures. This often means redesigning costumes, too. I’ve only done armor for cosplay three times and even though it involves mostly foam and hot glue, patterning and making mock-ups helped immensely. Armor and props are still very much part of a costume, rather than functional recreations like my tailored work.

Each project was only partly about the character, and partly about trying new techniques and learning new skills. Then the next project would be a little easier because I would have had experience with some technique but introduce new challenges. This is how I planned out long- term goals, knowing that costumes that were too difficult would at some point be manageable.

I really wanted to show that I could be good at sewing, not limited to armor and props. Early on I was still learning, working towards that goal, and figured I wasn’t good enough for masquerade competitions. By the time I felt I was good enough, I didn’t have an interest in competing anymore. It felt better to just walk the halls, get stopped for pictures, and have people ask me how I made everything. When I used to post regularly to my Facebook cosplay page, most of my posts were work-in-progress pictures, rather than finished costumes and nice photo shoots. That became my goal, rather than competition, to share what I learned with others.

(Top : 2018 / bottom : 2009)

[moomingitz]

If youre uncomfortable replying to this you can stop here. What are your thoughts on crushers Oc Lutrudis?

I’m going to paraphrase this right now. I never really feel comfortable saying what I think of other people’s creations like fan characters when someone who isn’t the creator asks me for my thoughts on them. Even when it comes to easy targets like Akiadahlia. I know fans are just doing this sort of thing on their free time as just a hobby, they’re not pursuing a career and they’re not getting a regular salary for it. For the average fan it’s something they do as a means of escape, and while I don’t really find much of a need to make Sonic fan characters myself most of the time(because there’s a stockpile of canon characters to work with) I do see the appeal in it.

But, I am going to make an exception here, due to how the creator clearly doesn’t respect other fan’s tastes or their works and efforts, saying lovely things like how I and other fans who like or defend characters like Chris Thorndyke have a “talent for seeing a character that doesn’t exist”, being dismissive of other’s AUs or interpretations of characters by saying “I understand seeing potential in a character but they may as well be a completely different character guuuys” but then expects people to write his personal favorites the way he thinks they should be portrayed, mocking and demeaning the very idea of people defending or unironically liking games like Sonic 06 and admiring it’s ambition it had, etc. And he still does it.

So if you really want my honest, unfiltered opinion of his fan character, I will break this personal unwritten rule of mine for this. But keep in mind here, that I will be talking about them in terms of their character design for most of the part, because I don’t really care to look up much stuff about them.

—-

Remember that one rant of mine a long while back, how “hooved” type Sonic characters, official or fan made, tend to be a big victim of the franchise’s Same Faced Syndrome thing in character design? Well this Lutrudis character is a good example of that. She’s one of the most generic looking horse Sonic fan characters I’ve seen in a long time.

She’s not only a good example of Same Faced Syndrome, but it’s also an offender of “informed species”. I honestly thought she was a cow until I read that she was meant to be a horse. This character doesn’t really have much of an actual significant resemblance to a horse, even as far as more simplified representations of animals go. She has more resemblance to the Sonic franchise’s takes on monkey characters more than she does with anything from the equus genus.

All I did was swap out the tail and ears and she instantly became a monkey.

To go even further and show just how cookie cutter it is, and the lack of an effort to make her resemble a horse in an actual significant way, that she may as well be a completely different species, here’s what she looks like when the only single modification I made was giving her a standard mammalian nose instead of there being visible nostrils.

She uses the same base body used for Amy, Sticks, Wave, Blaze, and countless other Sonic fan characters out there, and then slapped on interchangeable design characteristics. A perfectly spherical head with a standard Sonic muzzle, same standard almost triangular or curvy torso, and the same rubber hose arms and legs. It’s what I like to call an assembly line Sonic character design. Lutrudis here looks like she could have come out from the custom character thing in Sonic Forces. At best she looks like she could be one of the many nameless, generic looking background characters in post-reboot Archie that were meant to fill in the background space. If she was meant to just be a nameless background character than this would have been tolerable. But her creator didn’t intend for to be one. She’s apparently not only supposed to be a major character, but she’s also apparently supposed to be Sonic’s damn love-interest. So I will come down hard on this. And I hate to sound like some angry “fem-nazi”, but I’m also just sick of seeing female Sonic characters in official media alone using this cookie cutter design base in general.

I don’t expect people to be masters at designing more unusual species as sonic characters, but at least do something more than just adding visible nostrils on the muzzle. Give them a more unique head shape or body type more closely resembling a horse, or even just give them a unique muzzle instead of a standard Sonic one. Anything, please.

It’s like when I finally learned how Tiara Boobowski was actually intended to be a manx, despite looking exactly like the franchise’s idea of a hedgehog.

My not-so positive opinion of her character design isn’t just because I think it’s a poor representation of her intended species. I can get over Sonic barely resembling an actual hedgehog, Knuckles an echidna, because their character designs themselves look appealing. This isn’t the case with Lutrudis. I think she just looks kind of boring in general. She just doesn’t look that appealing to me.

The outfit and attire doesn’t look like it had much rhyme or reason behind it. It’s just kind of dull. The gloves are at least pretty unique looking, but unfortunately that’s undermined by how plain everything else is. It looks like someone went clothes shopping at Wal-Mart, buying the most plain basic t-shirt, shorts, and bandana, trying to dress up as their super hero alter ego, only to end up not looking as cool as they envisioned it would look.

Having both the tail and ponytail as not only the same shapes, but long, makes the silhouette look both kind of busy but also kind of redundant. Like looking at Snooki’s big hairstyle stacked on top of each other.

I don’t know what he was thinking with putting that green together with not only a bright ass primary blue, but putting that bright brown color together with them, but it doesn’t look the most pleasing to the eye.(Assuming he even designed the character himself and just didn’t have someone else do it for him.) They all look like they’re battling for dominance. Even with the lighter toothpaste green I’ve seen her colored in to break things up, the bright primary blue and bright brown still clash against each other.

And I usually don’t like to make presumptions about creators with their OCs, but, I get the vibe here that this guy is possibly just using Sonic more as a stand-in for himself with his OC. It’s always kind of brow raising whenever a person says they aren’t a shipper and think romance is icky, until it involves their own OC who was not only obviously tailor made to be their ideal waifu, but the canon character they’re pairing up with their OC is one they’ve said they don’t like.

What’s frustrating about this is how a species like horses aren’t used that much when it comes to Sonic characters, yet it’s done in the most safe and bland way possible. The character design does have potential, but whatever it is it’s held back by the common crutches people rely on whenever they design an anthro Sonic character, both official and fan made.

I really don’t expect fans to be pro artists or character designers. But when the creator of the OC in question is not only a rude elitist prick who shits on or demeans other fans for things like “seeing a character that doesn’t exist”, always complains about non-game Sonic characters having either boring or generic character designs, but also seems to really love jerking himself off over how totes unique and awesome his fan character is unlike other lowly fan characters or even canon characters; this is the best he can do? This is what he has to show for it? A bland, cookie cutter looking and sounding character? Believe it or not, but sometimes, “I would like to see you do better.”, is appropriate.

Though him and his ilk are probably just going to find any desperate way to make this about me being an evil Chris fan, and maybe even cherry pick one of my Chris redesigns to “prove” that I’m a hack fraud who has only ever done that and nothing else. If he is even reading this(I’m sure he is because he really loves hate follow people).

[theangrypokemaniac]

There's a sneering attitude that the dub is inherently inferior solely for being a dub, and when I say 'dub' I mean the American one. No one attacks the South American interpretation, funnily enough, or the variety that exist globally.

Why not if foreign languages are so abhorrent?  Do you think it's kewl to hate America?

That's so original you know.

If the moan centres on the dub changing certain things, well that's a pointless stance, because it's impossible to do otherwise.

What's accepted in one country is not always permitted elsewhere, so either you make those alterations or it's never shown. I'd prefer seeing a slightly toned down version rather than have it never reach the West at all.

This is without considering the technical obstacles that a direct translation brings. The words do have to fit the mouth movements, and if they don't, truncation must follow.

America and Japan are different; the population of the former are not going to comprehend the references to the latter's history and culture, which necessitates some divergence from the original to give it mass appeal.

Anime is a branch of entertainment. It has to attract the public's good will to stay in business. If impenetrable, it'll fail, with all the resulting unemployment and finacial losses that brings.

Those in charge of dubbing understandably think they're on safer ground promoting familiarity rather than the strange, but that's not to say Pokémon was stripped of its identity. On the contrary, it was like nothing I'd ever encountered before.

I may have watched Western cartoons then, but the idea of doing so now is silly. I won't give time to any modern animation unless it's Japanese. Growing up on the dub has not produced an ephemeral fan less serious or 'true'.

The 4Kids dub had wit, humour, deep emotion, suggestive comments and flights of fancy. The voices fitted the characters well.

Unlike the current one, where everyone sounds on the verge of vomiting, but then they're clearly working with substandard material on a miserly budget. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear after all.

Dubs can be bad, but the very state of being a dub doesn't confer worthlessness automatically. Considering the work gone into them, attempting to gain your favour, it seems rude not to appreciate the time and energy spent in production.

Knowing a little about history, sub-only fanatics remind me of the kind of folk who opposed an English Bible, because it was too good for the oiks to read the word of God.

Of course it was alright for them, rich enough to be taught Latin, but not so much the ordinary man.

It amuses me how dozens dismiss the dub, but see no hypocrisy in using its evidence to further their ship or anti-ship arguments, so it can't be that revolting.

It's also bizarre that so many hold sacred the sub of a series currently in a frenzy to shed every aspect of its anime and Japanese origins, leaving a vague, rootless ghost, supposedly making it easier to slip down the gullet of the masses.

Pokémon I've seen referred to as a 'gateway drug', as in the anime that introduced a generation to the entire concept. This means the dub. You would not have got enough kids in the late Nineties to read a screen rather than watch it, and even today most would lose interest rapidly.

Where would you be without that dub? Unless you're Japanese, your first experience of Pokémon will have been a dub, and if not the American, the one where you live, which was only made because there was the funds available.

You may have then progressed to watching the sub, but only because that dub stirred love in your soul.

Where would the franchise be without that dub? You think Pokémon would've grown to be a world-wide obsession raking in billions by itself? No, it'd still be a solely Japanese phenomena, and most likely never lasted this long.

Its decades of supremacy rests on the quality of that dub. It sold games and merchandise to kids by the ton, giving an incentive to keep the series going. If you're not a fan from the first wave, then your favourite era would have never existed had it not been financially attractive carrying on.

The team who wrote the first film actually preferred the dub, moved to tears by its emotive use of music, therefore they aren't so precious as the fans.

Where would anime be without that dub? Pokémon brought it to the West. A handful slipped through previously, but made minor impression.

To those who would dismiss Pokémon entirely in favour of more 'worthy' output such as Studio Ghibli, I would say that Pokémon, first the games, then the programme they inspired, must have an integral quality to have caught on in Japan, which isn't exactly short on similar concepts.

To have gained popularity in a crowded market, and so fervently a dub became an option, can only have come about because it held a certain magic.

It was the dub that smashed a hole in the cultural barrier, setting free the tidal wave to engulf the world. In Pokémon's trail followed Digimon, Cardcaptors, Monster Rancher, Yu-Gi-Oh! et cetera.

Without Pokémon, I doubt they'd have been translated, and definitely never broadcast on mainstream television. That came about as channels desperately hunted down anything Japanese to serve as the next craze.

I really appreciated the effort made by 4Kids in converting every aspect of the series to suit American tastes, including changing text on signs, letters and books into English. I assumed this was standard practice until I watched others.

I could never be as involved in them as I was Pokémon because of that block. It was like being denied access to the deeper waters, fenced into the shallows, and implied a rushed dub, with little care shown but to chase the same crowd and money.

If personified, the dub 'n' sub wouldn't be one human being, but rather identical twins: the same to a casual observer, but easy to tell apart by the more attentive.

It's like the games: Red and Blue are versions of a single adventure, but not totally one. Take the dub and the sub the same way. They are parallel dimensions running on separate rails, and beyond reconciliation, and that's before we consider that, sub and dub alike, each generation has only a faint relation to its predecessor, working on its own whims.

Everyone has a favourite, or can like both, and there's nothing wrong in that, but so many are proud of the fact they hate the dub, as if it conveys a revered status of supremacy.

When Disney films are shown abroad, they too are translated, and I'm sure references and jokes are redesigned to make sense to the locals. It's no use selling yourself as a comedy then being surprised when the audience refuses to laugh, having no idea what you mean.

If people prefer that one, for being what introduced them to Disney as a whole, or as a fond memory of childhood, then so what?

I don't mind if their view of a character is minutely at odds with mine, having seen the original, because what they think is canon to their version, so can't be wrong.

I don't go round declaring every Disney dub to be pathetic by its nature, that viewers of them are of a lesser breed of fan for preferring their own tongue, even though more of the world's population understand English than they do Japanese.

If you enjoy one tailored to your country there's no crime in it, just as I like one at least comprehensible to mine. It's not even my culture, but I pick it up mostly.

The choice must be made on which to follow, and this blog runs on dub canon, as that has a claim on my heart. Just because I don't acknowledge what takes place in the sub doesn't mean I'm unaware of it, but it has no bearing on what I write.

The idea that the dub alters things willy-nilly without rhyme nor reason is also mistaken. Often it does it because the original does not make sense.

In the sub, I know Nanny and Pop-Pop are just a couple of old duffers taken at random and dropped in to a castle, supposedly as James's far away nannies.

Oh yeah, that's a cushy position. You doing a lot of child care from miles off?

Mind you, it used to describe 'em as 'caretakers' on Bulbapædia, as if Nan serves as housekeeper whilst Pop tends to the garden.

That's right. Ma and Pa finally got some work out of this pair of freeloaders.

They're not related, remember? No, no, absolutely not, no way. Of course their style reflects that. They just gave Pop a 'tache, thick eyebrows and a bigger nose, and Nan got a bun and lines in her hair, but there's certainly no connection. Oh no. Such a thing is ridiculous.

They're NOT family. No. Yet Hoenn James still panics they might learn he's joined Team Rocket, spending the whole episode trying to hide the truth.

Why? Who are servants to criticise the son of their employers? Why should their opinion be of any consequence to Hoenn James, especially when his parents, fiancée and butler are cognizant of reality?

Children of aristocrats are usually brought up by governesses, thus develop a stronger attachment to these figures rather than their parents, but that isn't the case here.

James lived with Ma and Pa, not the codgers minding the castle. He would have very little contact with distant employees compared to those who waited on him daily, so why seek out their approval?

Hoenn James apparently was permitted visits to Nan 'n' Pop, which is strange considering they're not relatives. Why them and not any other house-stters?

That's right, Ma and Pa sent their son to one of their properties without them, entrusting him to the care of two shrivelled pensioners of his size that he barely knew, and who could keel over at any minute. There are no other servants present. Apparently Nan and Pop clean an entire castle by themselves.

Oh, and they run a makeshift Pokémon sanctuary, but since it's not their home it has to be done with Ma and Pa's blessing, who also have to pay for it, but they're eevul aren't they?

The idea that somehow Nanny and Pop-Pop have not cottoned on to James's occupation by now is risible.

Servants gossip about their masters. I bet the entire household of his home know, and so in turn does the county. That Nan and Pop remain oblivious proves how isolated they are, for no one's thought to inform them.

When it came to dubbing it, they were made his grandparents, removing all the above nonsense. Of course he visits his nan and granddad, it's their gaff and their money funding the place, and it is likely his mother or father would keep James's job a secret, for fear the shock would finish 'em off.

It should do really. If they're not bothered by it that's a sign of where his rapscallion ways were inherited.

They aren't facially akin to Ma and Pa, but display the same additions, so if staff it's bloody lazy, as if nannies have to resemble your parents, but inventing a blood link excuses the slothful characterisation.

Every reference I've seen on Tumblr relating to the coffin-dodgers calls them Nanny and Pop-Pop. Apparently the dub decision is met with universal approval. It does have redeeming aspects then.

Now the sub writers, rather than ignore this development, took to it too. They aren't exactly bursting with ideas these days and are probably grateful for the lifelines offered.

Remembering James had parents, they forced a likeness between them and Nanny and Pop-Pop. How else do you explain the inexplicable ageing, even when Sinnoh Ma and Sinnoh Pa are younger than Ma and Pa?

I've also known for years that the sub has this woman as Jessie's foster mother, not Ma Jess, but that's stupid.

I can grasp the idea that Jessie and Ma might have endured extreme deprivation, considering that's what Team Rocket has brought to Jessie anyway, and that they may have lived at the bottom of Mew's mountain prior to Ma's death.

What I find difficult to take in is that social services (or as they're known where I live, the S.S.), however notoriously awful they are, would give a child to a mad bitch in a shack with no running water.

Come on, they have to at least pretend to be concerned for Jessie's welfare.

As Jessie is very young, bereavement can't have befallen her in the distant past, so how can she be happy this soon after becoming an orphan? How could the grieving period be a cherished memory?

If that woman's creaming off the money, why hasn't she fixed the place up by now? Where do the payments go, sniffing glue?

Then there's the depiction. If this is just some daft bint never to be mentioned again, why do they conceal her face? Who cares what she looks like when she's unimportant?

Here's another figure from Jessie's past. She isn't disguised, and why not when she too briefly appears and is then forgotten?

Who was she?

The only sort of characters they tended to hide were other members of Team Rocket:

During the early scenes featuring Giovanni, he was enveloped in shadow, adding both intrigue and a sense of menace.

Madame Boss also got this treatment, even though there was probably no intention to ever feature her in the anime. What's the use in keeping an appearance a mystery if it'll remain masked?

With that pattern, it implies this woman is in the same category, like Ma Jess.

When it came to animation, it definitely was intended to be a foster mother. Not her real one. No.

What did they do?

They gave her Jessie's skin tone and purple hair hanging down her back!

You know, like Ma Jess?

Any colour would've done. Any at all, and being anime I do mean any colour, but no. The choice was made to give her the looks of the exact person she's not meant to be!

Is it that surprising the dub simplified things?

I don't mind if you like the dub, sub, both, or any from around the world, but I'm tired of the smug condescension, as if we all agree the sub is the only one that counts, and that dub fans are grunting troglodytes, or not 'proper' aficionados.

None of us would be here were it not for the dub. Pokémon would not be here. I think it deserves some respect for how much of a difference it made, to my life and to yours.

[madamhatter]

koagema inquired: “i’m having trouble sleeping by myself... can you sleep with me?” UNPROMPTED ASKS | ALWAYS WELCOMED | @koagema​

Laying across the couch in the girl’s dormitory, the young Hatter’s head rested down the armrest as her hands were preoccupied with holding a Nintendo Switch close to her face. A small brunette avatar breezes through a stroll through the lengths of flower field she personally grew on her island. A phantom of a smile appears as the Hatter looks over her progress. Redesigned island with her museum, tailor shop, and general store scattered throughout the island and specific neighborhoods in place, divided by wilderness, the naturalistic approach warmed her. 

Beyond the horizon, strokes of purple and orange are brushed across the virtual sky as the sun’s light begins fading, mirroring the course of the day outside of the dormitory windows. An idyllic scene painted in the young hatter’s mind - bliss appearing and coloring the atmosphere with long-sought comfort she wished for so long. However, what completed the scene wasn’t in her line of sight -- it was quite literally under her nose.

Short and curled poppy-pink locks greet her as she finally looks down. Chiaki, in great lengths in her cat mannerisms, lays out in similar fashion like her own. However, what cushioned the back the gamer happened to be an odd point of interest for her -- Sophie’s own chest. While all the more curious as to remember how these arrangements and comfortableness of their positions came to be, the Hatter willed herself to pay little attention to rationality and logic for the evening. 

Already out of common attire, Sophie was comfortably in an oversized green hoodie with mismatched socks of purple and gray. Her locks of dark copper were bunched up into a bun, lazily kept together with several pins as the strands of true silver and dyed brown fell out. She glanced down over her ‘friend,’ inspecting at how strange the situation was all together. For Chiaki, the change and aesthetic of the clothing were usual -- casual and always looks like she was ready to sleep. A too-large shirt for her frame, a rather ironic ‘Resident Evil’ graphic tee when they were playing such a gentle game, conveniently lengthen shorts and long pairs of white socks as both her feet and Sophie’s feet were tangled together on the couch.

For half a second, I look like a normal teenager, Sophie muses to herself, brows raising at the observation. Though she looks down, observing the ever-so-focused Chiaki tapping away at the buttons and holding down the analog stick. Something lingered on Sophie’s expression -- a rare but small smile, a shine in her eyes, and a hidden adoration underneath it all.  And we look like a...

Immediate misdirection needed and the hatter shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut.  The world now dark, she takes a soft breath with her mind taking the forefront. Stop that. Don’t you start with that mess now. It’s nice and quiet. Do not be selfish and ruin it. Forced blink after the other, the hatter swallows the blatant mystery that was their relationship, but she continues on.

Yet, repressing is was going to be a challenge. Elephant in the room aside, she couldn’t help but watch her. Chiaki’s cursing has made its presence anytime the two indulge in these slothful times. Sophie wouldn’t be able to hold back a soft laugh before she quietly inquiring about the current irk in Chiaki’s game and providing encouragement. Soft conversation between the two would occur, the other adjusting slowly against the other, with a cuddle and a mutter under their breath.

And now, the flutter returns to her chest, a veil of rosy now glossing her eyes, as the next breath she takes was a heart-filled sigh...

.....And she found herself to have been locking eyes with Chiaki Nanami. An intensity underneath her cloudy grey gaze, the gamer was removed from her game. All attention only fixed between the two girls on the couch, and the loudest sound was the racket in Sophie’s chest. A stuttered breath as the brunette's joints locked, shoulders spiking. The color of embarrassment surged through her pale complexion, ruining the facade of composure and maturity she had been so well known for. 

Almost snapping her head back, the Ultimate Hatter uses the armrest to full advantage -- locking eyes elsewhere and allowing her reddened face to fade. Why was I staring for such long? How odd of me! I shouldn’t staring! God, she noticed it and must think that I’m more outlandish as is. 

Hidden behind those eyes, what laid in her thoughts, was all too far away for her to comprehend. Guilt panged in her chest and she drew her lips into her mouth, roughly chewing the insides of her cheeks. If she kept it up, she’d sooner have iron flavoring the inside of her mouth. 

“My apologies--” She forces her eyes shut, grip shaking and her right leg twitching. Once more, a forced breath leaves her, resilient to fall apart at this current state. She lifts her head again, yet her eyes slowly obscure what was in front of her -- if she dared to look at Chiaki, she dared to think that her heart would stop altogether. And wouldn’t that be a nice way to go?

However, something greeted the hatter’s ears. The gamer had placed down her gaming device on Sophie’s chest, she had taken a breath (was it because she needed to figure out how to make this scene less awkward or she was giving herself time to think of something to say? Sophie ponders).

<I’m having trouble sleeping by myself... can you sleep with me?>

Both of the hatter’s brows knit together, eyes widening -- perplexion fiddling what already little composure she holds whenever she was nearby the shorter girl. Putting the gaming device gently onto the ground beside the couch, hesitantly and cautious fingers reach out. Warm and hollow fingers extend and brush against the other’s warmer cheeks, Sophie’s brows now lowering and her lips now agape

Sophie Hatter should’ve been used to being winded by the sporadic happening at Hope’s Peak Academy. Plenty of hijinks corroborated across the Main Course students and with most others, like herself, dragged into it, there were numerous scenarios on an endless list of proof that she could recall. Despite this, there were other cases that fell short of Sophie having ever experienced them-- one of them being a genuine attraction.

Index finger fiddles along and twirls a strand of poppy pink lock, worrisome eyes roaming over the gamer’s expression, drinking in every last detail she memorized each time she saw her face. Pools of bright gray, never too stormy or gloomy like rain clouds, yet as calming like rain hitting the glass panes back home. A lingering reminder of sleeplessness, familiar yet well-hidden bags underneath her eyes But, they don’t stain her face like it does to mine. 

Calloused palm now cups across the softness of the other’s cheek, another hand playing along with every strand it could find. She had half the mind to--...

“Of course, Miss Nanami, I know how hard it is to sleep sometimes. Having someone, I could only imagine it can maybe make it easier. I’m not too sure about that, but I’m willing to help you in whichever way I can. Let’s save before we do--” 

Understanding nod aside, Sophie’s cheeks blossomed with a rosy shade and she runs her thumb across the apples of Chiaki’s cheek. A bashful smile emerges, eyes closing, wanting to assure Chiaki in any way she could, wanting to provide in all that she can...after all, that’s all that Sophie Hatter was good for. But, it didn’t sting so much this time around to be used, if it meant to be with her.

As quietly and quickly as the two moved to the Gamer’s room, unable to contain their whispers and sputters of giggles, they both had easily fallen asleep when they laid by another.

Tangled underneath thick sheets, Sophie Hatter could only reminisce the kindness of Chiaki’s touch. What pooled in her dreams were peonies blooming and lavender scenting the air on a open-wide field by a small home hidden in a flowery meadow. 

Her body involuntarily moves, fingers stretching out, reaching out to something. Another softer hand slithered underneath the palm of Sophie’s hand, curling out and in again, occupying the spaces between her marred digits. A gentle squeeze before their hands interlocked again, Sophie’s body returning to peace.

Breath drawn, the slumbering brunette grazed her forehead against a touch she still yearned for -- against Chiaki’s shoulder. Her arm had already rested above the pinkette’s side, holding her close. Sophie’s chest to Chiaki’s back, their breathing slowly and following another in rhythm, pools of copper, silver, and pink mixing together from what little space didn’t exist between their bodies.

All this touch, it was something kept minimal on campus, even when they were awake and alone together. Yet, it was only when their minds drifted and forgotten about the world that their closeness existed in a space that neither of them could yet speak of, but both pined for. 

And it made the dream all the sweeter.

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, May 2019

Welcome to my latest summary of recent news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & ecommerce! This covers articles I came across from May 3 to May 30, although some may be older than that. 

I am out of town June 10-16, so I cannot predict when the next edition will come out, but I will do my best to make it before the June trip. I’ve recently narrowed my reading list so that I can get through it more quickly and post these more often. If you have any suggestions or comments, please let me know! 

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

If you had your entire promoted listing budget eaten up by clicks on an item with “shoe” in the searchable keywords, contact Etsy to make sure you will be refunded. 

Etsy was accidentally suspending some shops for not using Etsy Payments, but they are in ineligible countries. Some but not all drop ship or use fulfillment in countries with Etsy Payments, but that doesn’t appear to explain all the errors. 

Mailchimp launches a new marketing platform that integrates multiple marketing needs, not just emails. Pricing will stay the same for existing customers for the time being. 

On the same topic, here is a study of various email services, and their different deliver-ability rates. 

Etsy is being sued after a child dies, strangled by an amber necklace bought on Etsy. [video & article] This is getting a fair amount of media attention. Not covered in many stories is the fact that the daycare employees didn’t call 911 at first, and the day home had more infants that day than they were licensed for.  

Better media attention: disappointed in the long delay for the introduction of the Harriet Tubman $20 bill in the US, an Etsy seller designed a stamp buyers can use to cover up Jackson’s face with Tubman’s. “Harriet Tubman” is a trending search on Etsy frequently since these articles, so this media coverage is really bringing traffic to the site.

Amazon is now using packing machines in a few of its warehouses that replace 12 workers each. They have other warehouse automation, too, & just started work on their hub at the Cincinnati airport. If you need any more evidence that diversification is the key to successful businesses, remember that they make the biggest chunk of their profit on their cloud services. 

ETSY NEWS 

This year, Etsy’s Maker Cities program (US only) has joined up with Mastercard for their grants. Applications are due July 3, and there is a webinar on June 3 with more info and instructions. [links in article]

They’s also extended their Design Awards submission deadline to June 4. Check out their FAQ if you have any questions.  

Etsy released a summer update to their spring/summer trends guide, with some useful search data. Clothing shoppers are interested in vintage styles, “with Etsy searches for “70s” and “90s” up 26% and 7% year over year.” I summarized the earlier report here.

In case you missed it, Etsy released their first quarter financial report for 2019, & I summarized it in the Etsy forum. 

In related news, Etsy ranks 3rd in USA Today's list of the top 20 fastest growing retailers in the world, even ahead of Amazon.

Some businesses are competing based on delivery speed, but Etsy is able to do well with much slower shipping. (That’s a nice feature in an article they didn’t write; not all good promotion is paid.)

I can’t remember if I posted this interview with Etsy chief financial officer Rachel Glaser before, so here it is again. [audio file/podcast and short text excerpt. Please note I have contacted Etsy about the photos & search comment, but they have not yet replied, other than with the usual links to Etsy’s search guide.] 

Short piece on Etsy’s approach to diversity. Spoiler alert - they like it, and the article links to other materials demonstrating why this is the best approach for businesses.  

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

If you want to get your website or blog material ranking faster, Moz has some tips for you. Note that the first part in particular contains advanced-level technical tips, but most of the rest is easier to grasp for non-techies. It’s worth a skim! 

But don’t break Wikipedia rules to get your images on top - North Face got caught doing that, & had to apologize. But “[f]rom Leo Burnett Tailor Made's original statement, it seems the agency was anticipating such a reaction to the North Face effort all along. In stunts like these, the ensuing controversy and attention around it can be part of the overall campaign goal and strategy.”

Once your website starts getting Google traffic, it is not unusual for growth to start to slow or even stop completely, but there are things you can do to avoid that.

Despite many people insisting that longer blog posts are necessary for good Google ranking, there is no ideal length for a blog post. 

Here’s a good list of free SEO tools; note that some are paid tools that have a limited free version. 

Links on other high-quality websites still matter to Google. (Most of us won’t be able to do the link-building that this test did, but the test demonstrates how much the links are worth. So if you aren’t ranking, realize that other people linking to your page is probably a big factor.) Some of your pages might fit perfectly on a resource page/site, if they answer a question or uniquely fill a need. You can find link opportunities on Twitter through following certain hashtags and engaging with the users. 

Google search results now include podcasts. “This feature doesn’t only search for the title or meta data of the podcasts but also can search for the audio – as Google transcribes them — directly within the podcast show itself.”

As of July 1, Google will use the mobile version of all new websites for their index, so make sure that you have a good mobile set up on any new websites (or old ones, for that matter, since most web traffic is mobile these days). 

There was a possible Google search update around May 9, then May 22, and now maybe May 29th. Google updates its algorithm a lot, if you hadn’t already noticed.  "To give you a sense of the scale of the changes that Google considers, in 2010 we conducted 13,311 precision evaluations to see whether proposed algorithm changes improved the quality of its search results, 8,157 side-by-side experiments where it presented two sets of search results to a panel of human testers and had the evaluators rank which set of results was better, and 2,800 click evaluations to see how a small sample of real-life Google users responded to the change.” (and some people think Etsy tests a lot LOL)

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

Have popular content on one platform/site? You can repurpose it to use elsewhere, for maximum reach. It’s less work than coming up with brand new ideas all of the time! 

Micro-influencers may work best for most businesses, because they can speak directly to your target market. 

There are proven ways to get more social media followers; it’s not just luck. 

Up-to-date infographic on the ideal sizes for social media images, by platform. 

Facebook announced several upcoming plans at their annual developer conference, including a desktop redesign. Facebook has also changed the video algorithm to favour posts that people watch for longer, and to disfavour posts that are just repurposing old video. 

Tweetdeck is rolling out more updates, including emojis and the ability to set up polls within the app. I use it, & I like it - I wish they had a phone app! 

If you are using LinkedIn, you may be missing some great tricks to get more attention. 

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Here’s how you can get better results out of Microsoft ads (formerly Bing ads) 

There was a bug in Google ads stats for April 30 & May 1st; they are working on fixing it. 

Google advertising can be very confusing, so here as some tips on mistakes you should avoid. [video with transcript] They also recently announced some upcoming changes.

Etsy shops can only buy their own Google Shopping ads through Etsy’s program, or you can let Etsy buy them for your shop, but if you want to advertise your website, here is a great starter guide.

Chrome is giving you more control over cookies so that you can avoid more targeted ads. Some point out this is not necessarily as user-friendly as it sounds - it means Google can stop other companies from tracking their ad performance while Google has all those records through Chrome & other tools.  

Facebook is also giving users more control over tracking for ads, & advertisers are not happy. 

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING 

You are going to be surprised that Russian search engine Yandex has a really good Webmaster tools package.

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

Some people are comparing Walmart’s new online wedding shop to Etsy, "with tons of personalized wedding gifts to buy on a budget.”

The coverage of Amazon’s big announcement about one-day shipping with Prime (in the US) mostly missed the fact that Amazon can already deliver to 72% of the US population in one day. 

Amazon employees told some third-party sellers that religious items were banned from the site - but it wasn’t true. 

Big Commerce now has a plug-in for Wordpress blogs. 

As promised, Zibbet has added Etsy to its integrations, which allows you to list on Zibbet and it will automatically be added to Etsy as well. This is only going to be useful once they add other platforms (since Zibbet has no traffic), so shop around if you are interested in this sort of tool, as other companies are doing the same things. Indiemade websites completely integrate with Etsy, for example, and they have more website tools. 

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

With increased discussion of free shipping on Etsy recently, this is a good time to review some of the more recent studies & surveys on the topic.  One US report from January shows that buyer expectations in this area continue to increase. Shipping cost is a big factor in purchase decisions, & shipping costs are a common reason for cart abandonment. There are a variety of ways to calculate how to offer free shipping without losing money. (Thank you to Rebecca for the last link!)

If you want more shares on social media, this study on the top 5 reasons people share things online will be useful. But Americans are now more engaged by mobile games than social media, which has implications for app development and advertising. 

Googly eyes make people donate more.

Smaller online businesses tend to make very specific types of customer service mistakes that harm your ability to compete. Although there isn’t always much you can do about the fact that “37% of customers expect a response within an hour“.

Can everyone read and understand your web page? Easy-to-understand English is an important aspect of accessibility. 

Help Scout produces some fabulous material on customer service; here is a great article on value propositions, with examples, and another on how to collect customer feedback, including analyzing your stats package to see where customers are having trouble with your site. 

MISCELLANEOUS (including humour)

Trend alert: more professional women switching purses for backpacks. 

You can now control how long Google retains data on you. 

You can also join the class action against major US telecom companies that sold your location data. 

Another example of a company getting people to post photos so it can develop facial recognition technology. 

Some businesses are offering products & services based on your DNA & other biological markers. 

Most people worldwide over the age of 15 have a cell phone, although not all are regular users. 

If you are concerned about internet privacy, & hate tracking, the browser Brave may be worth a look. (I haven’t tried it yet, but it comes well-recommended from various tech people I respect.)

Burger King has trolled McDonald's in ads & social media posts for years, & it can be pretty funny. “When McDonald’s abruptly and surprisingly lost its trademark on “Big Mac” in the EU earlier this year, Burger King couldn’t help but rub some salt in the wound. BK’s Swedish operations decided to celebrate for a day by offering a menu of “Not Big Macs” such as “The Like a Big Mac, But Actually Big” and “The Big Mac-ish But Flame-Grilled of Course.”

[hoodoo12]

The Old College Try

Barkeep has her sights on Tailor Rick. Spoiler alert: she’s got her work cut out for her.  Extra thanks to @porkchop-ao3 for letting me play with her character! Due to some references made in my story, it is set after her great Charlie Foxtrot (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). Mature. 

⁂

It was a hopping busy night. You ran back and forth between patrons, supplying fresh drinks, clearing empty glasses, making small talk and filling server’s orders nonstop. Something major must have happened on the Citadel, because there were more Ricks patronizing the place than normal, and more of them than not were focused on getting plastered. But when that uppity Rick who’d burst into the Bar months ago, the one who’d wrecked your chances with Ice Cream Rick, you vowed to yourself to spend some time with him.

He was as well-put together as the time you’d seen him before: a smartly fitted teal suit, an equally fitted shirt with the faintest hint of a baroque pattern woven into it, an expertly knotted tie, and--here you leaned over the bar to look--the same leather wingtips polished to a high shine. You also didn’t miss how well his trousers fit. They had to be tailored, to support and emphasize the bulge at his crotch.

The color of his suit didn’t do much for you, but the way his blue eyes seemed to dismiss most of his surroundings did, and you grinned to yourself at the challenge he was going to be. It’d be an extra sweet victory to get him into your bed.

He moved smoothly through the crowd, twisting so he didn’t touch any of the other patrons. He steadfastly ignored them too, whether they cursed him when there was an accidental bump or called to him in recognition. It was obvious his goal was a seat along the table built into the side wall, where he’d be able to look over the crowd, but someone else slid into it before he could get there.

Knowing you were going to regret saying this, you called, “Rick!” just over the buzz of the bar.

The noise level dropped immediately as so many of them swiveled their heads to you. Pointedly you ignored them but kept your gaze directly on your target. He grimaced. Not exactly the response you were hoping for, but you smiled at him anyway and tapped the bar in front of a lone stool.

With a resigned sigh that you could almost hear, he made his way over.

Normal sounds of the bar--the crack of pool balls, bragging, laughter--started up again as he sat down.

“Hey,” you said in greeting, setting a napkin in front of him. “Nice to see you again, Rick.”

“Don’t call me that,” he said, looking over the crowd instead of at you.

Even though he grumbled, he sounded sophisticated. You hadn’t forgotten he was one of the only Ricks you’d met with a British accent.

It was on the tip of your tongue to point out that “Rick” got his attention a moment ago, but you let it slide. “Okay. What do you prefer? Richard? Mr. Sanchez? Daddy?”

That got his attention even faster. He spun around with a startled expression that melted into a snarl of distaste when he saw you grinning at him.

“Did I get one of them right?”

He ground out, “I’m called Tailor,” in a definitive tone.

You shrugged. “Whatever you’d like. I would have expected Mr. Sanchez. Or maybe Sir Richard Sanchez, habadasher to the Queen--”

You cut yourself off with a chuckle.

“Your mirth is misplaced, since you obviously have no clue that word has different meanings in England versus the Colonies,” he interrupted coldly. “I do more than simply sell clothing. I design and create high fashion for men and women. Therefore, Tailor. Not that I expected you to be familiar with even that word . . .”

He finished by making a show of looking you over, taking in your standard work outfit: a tank top and jeans. He couldn’t see your feet, thank god; he’d probably have a heart attack if he saw you wearing clunky server’s shoes! With the least amount of self-consciousness you could manage, you slipped your thumb under your bra strap--it had slipped!--to situate it properly on your shoulder and under the strap of your tank again.

He waited expectantly for your reply.

You narrowed your eyes and decided you couldn’t wait to fuck him. You’d win when you both were yanking each other clothes off. You decided maybe you’d keep one of his jacket’s buttons as a souvenir.

Laughing out loud, you said, “Tailor, I like you. Let me buy you a drink! What’ll it be?”

Tailor didn’t return your laughter. He simply told you he wanted a whisky on the rocks. You made it a double in a more expensive brand, and let your fingers linger on his as he accepted it from you.

He didn’t jerk back or scowl again, so you figured that was a chink in his armor.

Leaving him be for the moment, you decided round one was yours.

⁂

There were plenty more Ricks to flirt with; just because you had your eyes on someone specific tonight didn’t mean you wanted to close the door on others who may be back later. Most seemed more interested in drinking steadily, but some flirted back. Any other night you’d have taken one (or two, or three) home, but your sights were set on Tailor.

You kept him plied with drink and tried to carry on a conversation with him when you had a free moment. His answers were curt at first, but looser after a few glasses. You got out of him that the correct name for the color of his suit was Caribbean Blue, not teal; that he had designed gowns for the Queen and several other Royals as well; that his assistant was a nice woman but much too smitten with someone he called Mr. Whippy; that he usually didn’t come to places like this but he’d been in the neighborhood and--

Tailor, who’d not once given you full attention even as he tipsily spilled some of his guts, broke off his own sentence. Glancing in the direction he was looking, you saw a few members of the Council of Ricks enter the Bar: Riq IV, Maximums Rickimus, and Zeta Alpha Rick. The door almost closed again when Rick Prime came through as well. They were easily recognizable, even in new outfits you’d never seen before.

Tailor threw back the remainder of his drink and asked for another without turning to you.

He wasn’t the only Rick who’d stopped and stared at the Council members as they came in. For the second time tonight, the Bar fell oddly quiet.

“Where’s the rest of the Council, assholes?” someone shouted. “Too afraid to show their faces after that farce?”

“Suck my dick!” Riq IV spit back indiscriminately to all the patrons. Then, reverting more to the politician he was, his gaze seemed to meet every single person’s--including yours--in the place, like he was talking to everyone personally. “Our ruling stands. If you don’t like it, fucking run for Council yourself. For everyone else who’s not a complete fucking idiot, a round of drinks on me.”

A cheer went up. Whatever went down on the Citadel, free alcohol could smooth things over. You called a couple of servers over to help pull taps for the crowd, while you poured another double for Tailor and set up a vodka martini for Riq IV, who accepted it from you with a nod before heading to the table the other Council members had taken over.

You carried the new drink to Tailor, who was staring hard at the Council.

“Some Ricks seem a little anti-Council tonight,” you said conversationally.

“They better not get sloppy in those suits,” he groused, not taking his eyes from them, and not in the least replying to your statement.

Your gaze drifted to them again. You had to admit their new outfits were less obnoxious than the previous ones; they still declared “official” and “high-standing” but with subtlety, without the over-the-top gild and frippery that you were accustomed seeing on them. Or in the case of Riq, on your bedroom floor.

“What are they thinking, wearing those here? They could have worn burlap sacks and everyone would still know who they are! That fabric is hand woven and bloody expensive! If they fucking spill beer on it, who’s going to be the one getting the call to have it cleaned properly? Goddamn me, that’s who!”

It dawned on you that Tailor was muttering angrily to himself.

“So those are your designs?” you asked.

He shot you a look that advertised he couldn’t believe how stupid you were. “Of course they are! I’ve been after them to allow me to redesign those horrors they’d been wearing--they finally let me, and now they’re parading them around in a shit hole like this?!”

You took a second, then said, “I like them. They’re not so ugly. And it looks like the fabric is more substantial. Those other ones were pretty thin.”

“Yes they fucking were--” Tailor replied automatically, then cut himself off to appraise you with a keen eye. “How do you know the weight of the fabric from their old monstrosities?”

“Oh, you know. Just a guess,” you answered mildly, waving your hand. You knew you had a reputation among Ricks, but you weren’t sure if this particular Rick would be more disgusted than eager about it.

“You know them?” he asked sharply.

You nodded. “I’ve met a couple.”

“You’ve met a couple, and were able to feel how thin their robes were,” he said, as a statement of fact.

You shrugged and smiled, but didn’t elaborate.

Calculations were going on in Tailor’s head. You could tell. You had no idea what they may be, but you were called away again before he could say anything more. You hoped whatever it was burned him up, and he’d be more excited when you returned.

⁂

Typically with a Rick that you had your sights on, you’d flirt, you’d play up your cleavage. You’d joke and flatter; Ricks tended to eat that up. Occasionally, you’d be more up-front, but with your reputation and Ricks’ standard willingness to get down and dirty that wasn’t common. This Rick, however--

Tailor was either obtuse or a eunuch. Those were the only two explanations you could come up with for him repeatedly brushing you off. You dismissed the idea he may be gay; you supposed it could be possible but you’d never met a Rick that didn’t swing at least a little bit both ways.

So you turned on the charm. You were flattering, you were witty, you continued to ply him with doubles and made sure to lean far enough over the wooden bar to display your boobs whenever possible. He remained steadfastly annoyed with you.

The rest of the patrons seemed to loosen up regarding the Council being there--free booze helped--but Tailor continued to stare them down with laser-like intensity. The Council themselves seemed to be having a grand time laughing and swaggering. Several times Riq IV caught your eye; he raised his eyebrows and smirked at Tailor too. He also elbowed the Council members near him and made it obvious he was talking about the Rick at the bar. Each time that happened you noticed Tailor scowled and took a bigger mouthful of alcohol.

You decided to try and use whatever hatred Tailor was feeling towards them to your advantage, and once more struck up a conversation with him when work slowed down a little.

“So those new Council outfits. Tell me about them.”

He replied with only an eyeroll, to demonstrate how little he thought of your attempt to engage him.

Undeterred, you continued, “Did you have to take individual measurements, or could you just work from one of them?”

That ridiculous ice-breaker of a question made him pause and gulp for some reason. You thought maybe he didn’t hear you, or you didn’t phrase it correctly.

“I don’t know much about sewing,” you continued. “I thought that for tailored clothing all these measurements had to be taken, to get all the seams or whatever right. With Ricks, though, most of them are pretty much the same body type, so maybe it’s different? You could even just take measurements of yourself and work from it, right?”

Tailor closed his eyes for longer than a blink and his lips moved a little. You swear he was counting to ten. When he finally turned back to you, you could tell he was trying to keep his cool.

“Working from a mannequin or my own personal measurements doesn’t take into account variations of individuals. Yes, we’re all Ricks, but we’re not all the same. I’m sure you’ve been able to note the differences between the multitudes?”

It was meant to be a stinging shut down, and truthfully, it did hurt a bit. But eyes on the prize! It wasn’t enough to make you wilt.

“I have,” you admitted, leaning in close. “So you’ve had your hands on at least the Ricks that make up the Council members. Wanna go back to my place and compare notes?”

In the middle of a dismissive sip of whisky, Tailor choked. You laughed while passing him a handful of napkins, plus a glass of water; you always liked to be able to catch Ricks off their guard. You rubbed his shoulder soothingly as he caught his breath. 

The slight commotion he caused made a few other patrons, including the Council, look your way.

“You okay?”

Even though his eyes were watering, Tailor managed to pull himself together and radiate distain. He slapped your hand away, not caring he was in front of an audience.

“I-I-I’m fine,” he stuttered in a croak.

There was an aura around him now, something dark and angry and it dawned on you there was a line you weren’t aware of but crossed. You get the sense he wanted to storm away, make a scene, but with people still looking over he cleared his throat and slipped off the barstool with a grace you knew he had to fight for due to how much he drank. Once standing, he pulled at his jacket to straighten it, and tossed a handful of folded bills on the bar.

“Good day,” he told you, barely moving his lips, in a tone that inferred the opposite.

He grabbed his tumbler and stalked away.

“Huh,” you said out loud, mostly to yourself.

Apparently it was loud enough for some co-workers behind you to hear; they were twittering, and more than one of them lay a hand in mock sympathy on your shoulder. Bruce, the bouncer with a mouth as full of teeth and wide as a shark’s--you couldn’t pronounce his real name in whatever his native language was; you just nicknamed him Bruce after the mechanical shark in the movie Jaws--even came over to whisper how disappointed he was you didn’t take Tailor home. He had money riding on you that you’d succeed.

You knocked him in the shoulder. Even a light punch made your knuckles ache.

Oh well. They can’t all be winners, you consoled yourself. Licking your wounds, you continued to flirt with the increasingly drunk Ricks still seated at the Bar, but none of them were going to be good companions for the rest of the evening.

As the night wore down, the Bar started leaking patrons. Maximums Rickimus--whom you had a hard time talking to after how your evening ended with him the last time you took him and Riq home--left. Other Council members peeled off their original group to speak to other people. You caught sight of Tailor sidling up to and chatting with a Council member you only knew by name. Rick Prime. You watched him straighten the other Rick’s jacket across the shoulders and swipe his hands down the other man’s back to smooth the fabric. You didn’t miss him giving a subtle squeeze to Rick Prime’s ass, and it all became clear to you why you couldn’t close the deal with Tailor.

Growling obscenities to and at yourself, mindless that there was still a bit of time till last call, you set yourself up a gimlet and drank half of it in one go.

“Not just downing a s-shot?”

“This is classier,” you snapped at Riq, who’d made his way to the bar. “And it’s bigger than a shot, so I get two swallows out of it.”

You proved yourself right by finishing it off with one more drink.

“Much classier,” he remarked drily. “Get me-set me up another vodka martini, so you don’t have to drink alone.”

Grumbling, but quietly, you complied. You didn’t give Riq his glass until your next gimlet was prepared. When you finally passed his over, he lifted it in a silent cheers to you, and took a sip. You took another large mouthful of gin and lime, staring daggers at Tailor and Rick Prime, who seemed to be sharing a private joke at the moment. Tailor hadn’t taken his hand from Rick Prime’s lower back.

Riq’s eyes slid over to the object of your attention, and he grinned.

“Ah,” he said in what sounded like sudden understanding.

With that one syllable it suddenly struck you that Riq had watched you all evening trying your damnedest to get with Tailor! You dragged your gaze away from Tailor back to him, and you exclaimed,

“You knew all along! You knew I was wasting my time!”

Riq’s grin widened, and he agreed easily, “Yes.”

“Goddamn it!’ you pouted, but it was more towards yourself than him. He heard that.

In faux sympathy, he put his gloved hand over yours. “I’m sorry you struck out with Tailor. I would have been happy to tell you he only hooks up with other Ricks, and that he’s been itching to get Rick Prime in bed . . . but what fun would that have been?”

“Oh, you’re a prick.”

“I’ll drink to-to that. Let me buy you another, and I’ll fill you in on all the shit that hit the fan today on the Citadel.”

Whatever victory it was that put him in a chatty, generous mood, it was fine by you. Anything to take away the anger at yourself for not realizing you were barking way up the wrong tree with the British Rick known as Tailor. 

fin.

[pocketseizure]

The Legend of the Princess, Chapter 28

The Legend of the Queen

In which Zelda makes a courageous decision to live happily ever after.

This is the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who’s followed this story – I could never have written it without your kindness and support!

This chapter has an illustration (link) by the brilliant @lightsintheskye!

(Chapter 28 on AO3) (Story Tag on Tumblr) (Cover Illustration)

* * * * *

Zelda stood at the window of her bedroom as the sun set over the western mountains.

She looked down at Castle Town, watching the activity in the streets as people came and went. The roads were filled with travelers, as were the canals. The city’s population had grown steadily during the past ten years. Soon there would need to be wider roads, as well as another bridge, and the walls surrounding the city would have to come down to make room for new construction. In a way, Zelda mused, the damage caused by the riots may have been a blessing in disguise. Now there was finally an excuse to redesign the city’s layout, something she had been discussing with her counselors since her earliest forays into the administration of the kingdom.

Zelda crossed her arms over her chest. She was already laying out a timeline in her head as she assembled a list of priorities. It was good to have a moment to herself to do nothing but think in silence. She was usually forced to occupy herself with her clothing as soon as she returned to her private quarters, either to change into something formal for court or to extract herself from one of the gowns she felt obliged to wear, but at the moment she was comfortable as she was. After returning to the castle from the Temple of Time, she’d ordered that one of her riding outfits be tailored into a military uniform. She was pleased with the results. She looked good in pants and a jacket; it suited her. A princess carefully reviewed petitions and made subtle suggestions, but a queen commanded armies.

Zelda looked past the city and out to the hazy line of the far mountains that marked the border of Gerudo territory, remembering what Tetra had told her about the division of political power. “Delegate,” Tetra said, and that was exactly what Zelda intended to do.

At dawn she had stood on the balcony overlooking the front courtyard and delivered a speech to everyone in the castle, soldiers and invaders and guests and courtiers alike. She pardoned everyone who had participated in the riots and promised to use the royal family’s own funds to rebuild what had been damaged, but then she surprised everyone by proposing an equal council of territories. The monarchy had been in existence for so long that she had only the most nebulous ideas concerning how a republic would work, but she would have time to figure that out. Thankfully, she wouldn’t have to do it alone.

Zelda’s coronation ceremony was supposed to have begun an hour ago. Given the circumstances, plans had changed. Her father still hadn’t woken, so she had simply stepped in as the reigning monarch in his absence. She had thus become a queen without a grand ceremony. This was probably for the best, as resources were scare at the moment. At least the food prepared for the celebration hadn’t gone to waste.

Makar vanished back into the forest, and Darunia stayed with the king, but Ruto and Nabooru had remained at her side throughout the day. Impa had as well, for which Zelda was grateful. Link convinced Barghest to stand with her as she addressed the people who had invaded her city, and he was surprisingly civil as he accommodated her request. Zelda had to take care to treat him not as the former stablemaster but as the leader of a small army, but it was easier than she expected. She had been trained for such things, after all, and he cut an imposing figure.

She sent Ganondorf to negotiate with the Moblins and Lizalfos who had set up camp in the training grounds, asking him to convey her goodwill to them. It was convenient that Ganondorf could speak their language, and it was even more useful that they were willing to listen to him. As far as she could tell, no one in the camp said a word about Ganon, but she would have to monitor the situation. The irony of the faith she placed in Ganondorf not to take advantage of his position was not lost on her. She had made the decision to trust him when she allowed him to claim a piece of the Triforce, however, and she saw no reason to regret her judgment.

Zelda raised her hand to look at the golden triangle on her skin. She reflected on what Tetra said about how the Triforce had split before the flood. It was curious that she, the ostensible reincarnation of the avatar of divine wisdom, had ended up with the Triforce of Courage. Link had been granted the Triforce of Power, while the Triforce of Wisdom went to Ganondorf. This was a surprise to them all. She wondered if the Triforce had somehow chosen its bearers, or whether they chose for themselves, unconsciously asking for what they had wanted all along.

Perhaps one day she would have time to think back on all of this, but it was currently of utmost importance that she take action. Most of the visiting dignitaries would leave the castle soon, probably within the week, and Zelda was looking forward to setting out from the castle herself. Even if she hadn’t been properly crowned, it was the duty of a new queen to tour her kingdom. Or rather, if the talks during the next few days went well, it would be her duty as the provisional leader of Hyrule to make diplomatic visits to the various territories of the republic. Daphnes would stay here and recover, and she would have space to think about how to rebuild their relationship during her journey. He was her father, and she loved him, but she would never be able to forget what she had seen him do, all the while claiming that his actions were to save her.

Considering what had happened to her mother, Zelda was anxious about traveling to the desert. Still, she knew it would be politically exigent if that were the first place she visited. If nothing else, it would be an interesting experience to be a guest in Ganondorf’s court. It amused her to imagine him doing his best to be appropriately courteous and polite to her in public.

There was a knock at the door. Zelda was annoyed, thinking that it was still too early for anyone to come fetch her for the evening assembly, especially since she had specifically asked not to be disturbed. “Come in,” she said brusquely, making her irritation clear in her tone. As a princess, she had taken special care to be gracious and kind, but she was beyond such niceties now.

She waited for the door to open, but she couldn’t hear anything behind her. A moment later she realized how odd it was for someone to have knocked on the door to her bedroom instead of the main door to her quarters. Whoever was at the door had already passed through the rooms below without alerting her. Zelda was immediately on guard. She slowly withdrew a short blade from the inside of her sleeve and turned swiftly while flipping the knife into her hand.

She came face to face with Ganondorf. Her blade was almost touching his throat.

“Good evening to you too,” he said in a flat voice.

“My apologies.” Zelda withdrew the knife and placed it on her dressing table. “I thought perhaps you’d come to kill me.”

“That would be somewhat anticlimactic.”

“Perhaps it would, but it would also be more efficient to murder me in private.”

“Is that what you say to every man you invite into your bedroom?”

“I don’t recall inviting you,” Zelda replied. “Speaking of which, why are you here? I seem to remember asking for a report on the negotiations with Barghest, but surely that can wait.”

“I came because of a more pressing matter,” Ganondorf said, withdrawing a lacquer box from an inner pocket of his robes. He smiled as he offered it to her. “Happy birthday.”

Zelda was taken aback. It was indeed her twentieth birthday, but no one had mentioned it at any point during the day. This was understandable, Zelda reasoned, given the current state of the castle. In fact, she had almost forgotten it herself.

Since she didn’t move to take the box from him, Ganondorf placed it in her hands before lifting the lid to reveal two golden hairpins. They gleamed softly in the light of the setting sun.

“These belonged to my mother,” Ganondorf explained. “They were given to me on my own twentieth birthday, but I had no use for them. I used to wear my hair long like all Gerudo men, but that was the day I decided to break with tradition and cut it short. This is something of a secret, but I happen to know that these hairpins were originally given to my mother by your own. I thought you might like to have them. As a memento, of sorts. Of our mothers, and the friendship they allowed us to enjoy when we were younger.”

“They’re beautiful,” Zelda said, genuinely touched.

“Would you like to wear them?” Ganondorf asked.

Zelda nodded, closing the box and holding it to her chest as Ganondorf moved behind her. He carefully inserted the pins into the bun she wore, using them to tie the ends of her sidelocks back so that they framed her face like wings. He turned her toward her mirror and stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

“They look good on you,” he said. “They bring out the gold in your hair.”

Zelda met Ganondorf’s eyes in the mirror, assessing him. He seemed content and comfortable in her presence. She suspected that they wouldn’t have the opportunity to be alone together like this often, and she didn’t want to enter into the same sort of painful relationship that their mothers had struggled with for so many years. I need to break this off now, she resolved.

“I’ll accept this as a gift of friendship from the King of the Gerudo,” she said with a thin smile. “It will help me to remember you fondly once you’re back in your own city.”

“About that…” As Ganondorf’s words to trail off, he pressed his thumbs into the stiff muscles between her shoulder blades and began to massage her back. Zelda wanted to tell him to stop, but she had been on her feet all day, and what he was doing with his fingers felt wonderful.

“I’ve been thinking about your decision to initiate a republic, and I’ve made my own decision to abdicate the throne. To tell the truth, it’s something I’ve been considering for some time now. If I hadn’t been born, the position would have gone to Nabooru, and she knows this as well as anyone. I’ve discussed it with her, and I believe she’s amenable to the idea. I’d like to remain in Hyrule as an ambassador.”

“It’s been some time since we had a formal ambassador from the Gerudo,” Zelda said cautiously.

“It’s been some time since you had a formal ambassador from the Rito as well, and it goes without saying that you’ll want to maintain a good relationship with the Darknuts and Moblins. I could help facilitate that.”

“I suppose you could,” Zelda agreed. “How generous of you.”

Feeling self-conscious, Zelda walked to the window and looked out over the mountains, not wanting Ganondorf to see her blush.

“But I should tell you that I have a selfish reason for wanting to stay,” Ganondorf continued as he followed her. “I’ve always loved Hyrule, ever since I first came to your castle with my mother. I’d like to spend more time here, if you’ll have me.”

Zelda thought of the flowers he kept in his rooms, and her mind wandered to the terrible old man in his garden under the Great Sea. By this point she knew Ganondorf well enough to know that he did nothing without reason, but she also knew he was telling the truth about his affection for Hyrule. Perhaps it would fade, in time; perhaps he might one day grow nostalgic for his homeland and long to return. But he was here now, telling her that he wanted to stay with her.

She turned to face him. That would be nice, she wanted to say, or something equally inane, but instead of speaking she reached for him, and then his lips were on hers, hot and demanding. She opened herself to him, and he cupped the back of her neck to pull her closer. She tasted him in her mouth, the sweetness of his breath and the spice of his tongue.

A part of her expected to hear Tetra’s voice in her mind, chastising her for allowing Ganondorf to take advantage of her. Was he really giving up power by abdicating, or did he still have an ulterior motive for wanting to remain in Hyrule? Was this part of a larger game he was playing?

If this man is a threat, Zelda thought, breaking the kiss, then I welcome the challenge. But she was done doubting Ganondorf’s intentions, and she was finished with maintaining her silence.

“I’m going to have to tell you something,” she said.

“Good,” he replied, meeting her eyes. “I want you to tell me everything from now on.”

“You seem to think that Ganon is a cycle, or somehow related to the seal held in place by the Master Sword, but I agree with my father, and I agree with our mothers. I think Ganon is real. I’m worried that you will become Ganon, eventually. As long as you stay in Hyrule, I’m afraid that’s always going to be a danger.”

“None of this changes who I am,” Ganondorf assured her as he kissed her forehead. “I will always be on the side of the men who opposed Hyrule. I’m still angry about what happened to my mother, and I’m still angry that your monarchy has lasted for as long as it has. I will always be angry, and my anger will always be dangerous to you. But would you really want me to be gentle?”

“It would make me happy if you could be yourself,” she answered, relaxing into the strength of his arms.

“You want me to be myself? After everything you’ve seen?”

I’ve seen more than you can possibly imagine, Zelda wanted to tell him. She thought of the man who had cut down each of the leaders of the tribes of Hyrule as gracefully as he had once danced with her in the Great Hall, even as he told her that Hyrule would burn, and she thought of the man with a lined face and stooped shoulders who tended flowers in his garden in the underwater courtyard outside a forgotten library. In the Temple of Time Zelda had realized that Ganondorf loved fighting, that it satisfied a physical craving within him. Or perhaps he needed a form for the violence that raged within him. Zelda had seen Hyrule as Ganondorf must have seen it, passing through one life after another, staggering through a fantastic landscape of disaster and pain, floating under overbright moonlight on the waves of his own darkness.

“I will take control of your violence and exhaust it,” she promised him, meeting his eyes. “I will take you to the end of the world and see that you arrive safely.”

Ganondorf murmured her name and kissed her. He was fervent and urgent as he pressed himself against her, exploring and revealing her, consuming her with his hands and mouth even as he stiffened at her waist, earnest and sincere in his desire. The joining of their bodies was perfect, and they fit together as if they had been made for one another. If it was their fate that their union would only lead to disaster, then so be it. We abandon kingdoms because we want more than kingdoms, Zelda thought, and in his arms she knew it was true.

“You saw something I didn’t,” Ganondorf said as he held her. Zelda nodded, her head against his chest. She waited for him to continue, but he was silent. It occurred to her that, for all the questions she had asked Ganondorf, he never once asked her to explain her own actions. He was never one to ask questions, and she understood now that he was simply waiting for her to reveal herself on her own terms.

“You want to know why I destroyed the baton my father was holding?”

“You said something about seeing Hyrule flood.”

“I did,” Zelda confirmed.

“You said you saw me as well.”

“I did. You were… older. And unhappy. It wasn’t a good future. For you, or for anyone.”

“Did I become Ganon?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Was I still as handsome as I am now?”

“Of course,” she lied.

“If I didn’t see the vision, then it must have been real. You managed to move through time.”

“I’m not sure if that’s exactly what happened, but it felt close enough.”

“That should be impossible.”

“As impossible as the way you move through space?”

“The consequences of moving through space are minimal. You changed the entire reality of our world.”

“Yes, and you should thank me.”

“Would you do it again?”

“I’d prefer not to.”

“You destroyed the artifact the king was holding. What will you do with the ocarina?”

Ganondorf’s body was still warm and pliant against her own, but his voice had become dangerously quiet and still. A part of her had been afraid of him all this time, and with good reason, but she was beginning to realize that he had been afraid of her as well. And with good reason. Still, she was hurt that he couldn’t yet bring himself to trust her.

“I tried to destroy the ocarina earlier,” she admitted, offering the truth without prevarication. “I used the same silver arrows, but they had no effect. That magic only came to me in the presence of the Triforce and the Master Sword, so it may not always work. I think it might be possible that no one person can destroy the ocarina. But…” She paused to collect her thoughts as she tried to remember the shape of Tetra’s pendant. “I think there may be a way to split it into pieces. We should probably ask Link for help.”

Ganondorf’s body tensed, and she pulled away from him. “What?” she asked. “Isn’t that what you want?”

“I don’t like it that you had a child with Link.”

Despite herself, Zelda couldn’t help laughing. “I saw the end of Hyrule, with you trapped in an underwater castle for who even knows how many years, and that’s what you’re upset about?”

“Are you still opposed to having children?”

Oh my, Zelda thought. What a thing for him to ask. “You’re getting ahead of yourself,” she said, still smiling. “I haven’t agreed to allow you to remain in Hyrule.”

“How bold of you to assume that it would be my children you’d be having.”

“I’ve found that I’ve become bolder since I received the Triforce of Courage. Do you feel any wiser?”

“Wiser? No. Although perhaps a bit more… imaginative.”

Ganondorf grinned and tilted Zelda’s chin up to meet his mouth. She welcomed his kiss, and her hands roamed over his robes as she traced the contours the body hiding underneath. Imaginative, indeed. She didn’t mind admitting that she’d been imagining a few things herself.

A faint sound caught Zelda’s attention, and both she and Ganondorf turned toward its source. Someone was knocking at the door to the sitting room downstairs.

“Your Majesty?” a muffled voice called out. “We’ve come to help you prepare for the evening.”

“I should leave,” Ganondorf said, starting to pull away, but Zelda gripped the fabric of his sleeves.

“Stay,” she insisted. “I have no desire for it to be a secret that I allow you to visit me here. I’m a queen now. I can do whatever I want.”

“Is that so,” Ganondorf muttered, his grin widening. “Then what do you want, Your Majesty?”

Zelda gave herself a moment to envision a future in which none of this had happened. Hyrule hadn’t flooded, the Triforce hadn’t been split, and she hadn’t shot the king. She had never seen Link with the Master Sword in his hand, and she had never confronted Ganondorf. She imagined a world in which she had never been visited by nightmares of a raging beast crashing over the kingdom, and her coronation ceremony had proceeded as planned, with the future stretching in a straight line in front of her as far as she could see. But everything had changed, and she no longer knew what to expect.

“I’m not entirely certain at the moment,” Zelda admitted. “For the time being, I want you to redo my hair. I want to show off those hairpins you gave me. Do you think you can handle that?”

“With pleasure,” Ganondorf said, tucking one of her sidelocks behind her ear.

“I also want you to go downstairs and dismiss my staff, if you wouldn’t mind. Please tell them that I won’t be wearing a gown this evening.”

“Is there any reason you can’t tell them that yourself?”

“No, there’s no reason at all, except that I want it spread around the entire castle that I’ve had a private audience with you. In my bedroom. I want them to think I’m currently too preoccupied to meet them.”

“Too undressed to meet them, you mean.” Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. “What are you planning?”

“I’m getting get the gossip out of the way before it becomes a problem.”

“I question the wisdom of sending up smoke where there’s no fire.”

“Who said there’s no fire? The evening isn’t over yet.”

“Is that an invitation?”

Zelda looked into his eyes and smiled, happy that she was finally able to speak exactly as she wished. “Yes,” she said. “It’s an invitation.”

“I’ll consider it.”

“Then I’ll consider it accepted.”

Ganondorf gazed at her a moment longer before heading downstairs. He opened the door this time, rather more loudly than was necessary.

Zelda let out the breath she had been holding and walked to the basin placed next to her dressing table. She splashed her face with water and then regarded herself in the mirror as she patted her skin dry. All things considered, she didn’t look half bad. She would look even better once Ganondorf plaited her hair. Her mother once wore her hair in a style that she’d claimed had been inspired by the Gerudo queen, and Zelda was certain Ganondorf would know how to recreate it. She imagined his fingers in her hair and shivered with pleasure.

“May the goddess grant me wisdom,” she said to herself, blushing at the thought.

Zelda brushed a spot of dust from her trousers and straightened the sleeves of her jacket as she waited for Ganondorf to return. She may be the descendant of a goddess, but she wouldn’t let that stop her from becoming the master of her own fate.

She selected one of the rapiers mounted on a stand beside her bed and belted its scabbard across her hips. The weight of the metal felt good on her thigh. Zelda was only a novice swordswoman, but there would be plenty of opportunities for her to develop her skill once she left the castle. Perhaps Ganondorf could teach her a thing or two – and Link could as well, if he chose to accompany them.

Zelda raised her hand and watched as the golden triangle revealed itself, shining in the sunset. This would be her first night presiding over her court without her father, but Impa and Nabooru and Ruto were waiting for her, and Link and Ganondorf were to be her escorts. Zelda was filled with anticipation. She tightened the straps holding the sword at her waist and prepared to meet her destiny as the newest leader of Hyrule.

[wdmsolutionsuk]

How To Create Your Ideal Client Avatar

Attract Your Perfect Clients With a Specific and detailed Client Avatar.

As you’ve found this page, you probably have some idea of what client avatars are, but let’s dig a little deeper and look at how to use them in the right way to access your ideal clients.

What is a client avatar?

Simply put, it’s a fictional persona of your ideal client. Note that this is not the same as your target market. If you’ve been running a business for any length of time, then you no doubt have a very good idea of who your target market is. But a client avatar takes this a step further. Rather than trying to appeal to an audience, you’re trying to appeal to a specific person.

Having a client avatar will allow you to identify not just whom you’re talking with, but to actually understand them on a deeper level. When you can do this, you’ll be able to address them directly in all of your content and marketing materials.

Whether you’re creating copy for your website, your email newsletter, paid advertisements or even YouTube videos, you can target it specifically to your client avatar as though you had them opposite the desk in front of you. By imagining you’re having a conversation with your ideal client, you’ll naturally be writing (or creating) specifically for them.

Doing this will enable you to create a real connection rather than just appealing to a group of people (your target market). This is the big difference between your avatar and your market. Of course, you can (and probably should) have more than one client avatar. You probably serve more than one type of person in your business, especially if you offer different services and/or products.

If you have staff, get them involved. Brainstorm! Everyone has different ideas and I have no doubt that they will think of things that didn’t even occur to you.

Client Avatar Stages

There’s no right or wrong way of making up your client avatar, but there are some best practices and ways to make sure you cover all that you need to. I like to split it into three stages:

Details and Demographics

Goals and Motivation

Challenges and Obstacles

Details and Demographics

This section is all about basic data and is the section that’s most closely linked with your target market as it contains very similar details. There is one huge difference however. The best way to demonstrate this is to show you an example of an Avatar used here at WDM.

This is Paul Sutton

Paul is 45 years old. He’s male, lives in Bury St Edmunds (in Suffolk), and he’s a health club owner. He’s also married with two children.

You may wonder how having children could possibly be relevant and perhaps it’s not, but by giving details like this, it helps to give your avatar character and make them a little more real. This way you can better target them when creating content for you business. Paul earns £70k a year. He went to college, but not university.

So far, most of this sounds fairly standard and exactly the type of facts you’d be looking at when determining your target market. But here’s where that big difference comes in that I mentioned earlier.

Backstory...

When I’m writing content or creating a video I want to see Paul, My Avatar, as a real person, not just a bunch of statistics. If I want to connect with Paul at this level, then I need to know more about him, not just facts and figures. That’s why I’ve created him a backstory. It doesn’t contain his entire life history but it does tell me a little about him and what makes him who he is.

Paul has an established health club with a great reputation. He’s looking to take it to the next level and bring in an operations manager so he can focus on the bigger picture and take more time out without his business being affected. Although Paul has to use computers for his work, he’s not tech-savvy and doesn’t like dealing with technical issues. He’s open to new ideas when it comes to marketing and managing his online growth. His website’s okay, but it’s a little dated and not really much more than an online brochure.

You’ll see how these details further come into play very soon.

Goals and Motivation

What are Paul’s goals and his values? What motivates him?

As we know, Paul would really like to hire an operations manager. This will allow him to focus on the bigger picture, but also to take a little time out of the business. To facilitate this role, Paul knows that he needs to increase membership sign-ups by 30 percent (preferable in the next 12 months).

Why? What’s Pauls motivation?

Well, he may be a businessman but for him (and most people) it’s not just success in business that we strive for. We’d like to also improve other areas of our lives.

I mentioned taking time out of the business. Paul would like to spend more time with his family and he’d like to get back into some of his old hobbies. He’s spent most of the last few years running his business, and now he’d like to devote a bit more time to leisure activities. He also feels that he never travelled as much as he’d have liked so he’s keen to make up for lost time.

Values

What are Pauls values? Well, he worked long and hard to build his business. It’s important to him that it stands the test of time and maintains a great reputation.

So he values outstanding customer service.

He wants his Health club to be welcoming, comfortable and unintimidating. Remember, this is a health club, not a muscle gym. He wants people to feel warm and invited. He also, of course, genuinely wants to help his members achieve their health, fitness, and relaxation goals.

He values his staff highly and would like to help them with professional development where he can. He believes in promoting within where possible.

Challenges and Obstacles

What challenges and obstacles does Paul face?

What’s stopping him from achieving his goals?

Well, he has a website, but it isn’t converting well. it’s really just an online brochure. It does generate phone calls but there’s no real system in place for dealing with these. He’s not really doing anything with his website or measuring conversions. He doesn’t have any analytics to know what’s working and what isn’t. You’ll probably see it written or hear me say it many times but if we don’t measure, we can’t improve.

Paul has low client retention after year 1 ends. This isn’t because of poor service or anything negative. Its simply the standard in his industry. People will often join a gym or health club and not renew the following year because well, let’s face it, most of us have done this at some point (I know I have). But, if there were something he could do to improve retention, that would make a big difference to his business. It’s usually far easier to retain a client than gain a new one.

Paul is also concerned about losing business to larger competitors with better marketing strategies and perhaps bigger budgets, such as Bannatyne’s, which is of course a well-known brand and also local to him. He needs to find a way to make his club stand out against this competition.

Paul is very busy. His role as owner is demanding and he doesn’t have enough time to complete his tasks (or he certainly feels that way). He’s not sure how to scale the business from where it is now and he feels a bit trapped in a cycle because he can’t see how to free up more time so he can move things forward (focus on the bigger picture).

I’ve learned a lot about Paul but how will this help me in my business?

So What?

I’ve learned a lot about Paul but how will this help me in my business.

I’ve identified that Paul is my ideal client. But how does this information help me?

Knowing what Paul would like to achieve, what motivates him, and why he does what he does allows me to tailor the services I offer specifically to meet those needs.

I can see now that Paul will benefit from a website redesign that engages visitors and encourages them to take action. This might be to book an appointment, become a member, or order a spa-package.

I know that automation will help reduce his admin time, his costs and increase sign-ups. It needs to be easy to use and non-techie because he’s obviously not interested in that stuff. He doesn’t do technical. He has enough on his plate and doesn’t want to deal with hosting, website maintenance, back-ups, and security. With this knowledge, I know create a website care-plan that will be perfect for Paul.

I can install analytics on his website and display them in a way that’s simple but allows him to see analyse website visitor behaviour and also measure conversions. His care plan can include making improvements based on the data from his analytics.

Paul will probably be interested in some kind of lead generation system too, that to entices and draws in new members. This would include landing pages and full email automation that ensures everyone gets the right email at the right time with no manual work required by him or his team. Once it’s in place, it will run itself 24/7. As long as his subscribers are being sent the right e-mails at the right time, they can then be given an offer that’s specific to them.  They can also join or pay online depending on what the service is. This is far more likely to bring in new business than the simple phone number he currently has.

Paul would also benefit from ongoing newsletter that offers advice, help and perhaps incentives to stay a member after their year 1 contract ends. As long as the emails are well-timed, especially coming up to that 10-12 month period, he’s far more likely to be able to retain more clients after that first year.

To further increase traffic to his website (or business in general), a local marketing campaign would be extremely beneficial.

I can offer him an audit/review that includes Google Maps, and his ‘Google my business’ page. Perhaps offer some optimisation to help him rank higher for relevant terms to his health club.

The same applies with SEO. Paul would really benefit from a local SEO campaign to make sure that he is showing in Google when (the right) people are searching for those kinds of services. I could also look at targeted pay-per-click campaigns specifically to his area.

It might be a good idea to suggest that Paul creates a refer-a-friend incentive for any of his members so they can bring in people and perhaps get either a discount, a free month’s membership, a free massage or something similar if a friend becomes a member.

Because I have a detailed Ideal client Avatar, I now have an array of specific services that I can offer Paul. And, because they’re tailored to his needs, I know that not only is he likely to agree to them, but also (and perhaps more importantly), they’re actually going to help him achieve his goals.

Paul will be an extremely happy and long-term client. In turn, I’ll feel great for being able to help him achieve what he’s set out to do.

So now I’ve built up a specific image of my ideal client. I can speak directly to them in all my marketing efforts.

This includes my website, my services, my email newsletter segmentation (an email autoresponder that segments subscribers based on their actions and ensure they only receive emails that they are interested in), and my video content.

When your content is designed for your ideal client, you are far more likely to attract…

Wait for it….

YOUR IDEAL CLIENT!

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Originally published here: https://webdesignandmarketing.co.uk/marketing/how-to-create-your-ideal-client-avatar/

[smashmusicideas]

None can know whether they will or not, but do you think custom moves should return?

Hm...this might actually be a tougher question for me than whether or not they will return, and I’ve no idea. On one hand, I rather like them in concept. It’s a neat way to play with special moves we all know and love, and it does let us tailor characters more to a style we might light. Classic moves like the Charge Shot, Fireball, Thunder Jolt, and Judge could be changed in fun, surprising ways. Plus, they allowed people to use lost moves (like Young Link’s fire arrows) or reference games in fun ways (Warlock Blade, which could honestly work as Ganondorf’s regular neutral special).

On the other, I rarely ended up playing custom matches at all, and less and less frequently over the years (I can’t even remember the last time I used my black coated Dr. Mario with an electrical sheet). They’re fun, but ultimately not as interesting as I’d like. Certainly custom battles in general, with their many justified restrictions, are more like a second game in the back. And while I think it would be fine if it returned but was limited to the Mii Fighters, those are also characters who were, once again, fun but ultimately uninteresting. In a way, I think the DLC showed a much better way to handle the idea of “alternate” moves; Ryu, Cloud, Corrin, and Bayonetta all had multiple versions of moves, but in more distinct and organic ways.

So...I don’t know? I guess, in the end, I’m kind of ambivalent. I’m fairly doubtful they put too much strain on the development (them mostly being alternate versions of preexisting moves had to have made the process easier), and I’ll give them a few uses if they come back, but I wouldn’t think too much of it if they left. Often times, the way the custom moves worked felt more like gilding the lily, and while it’s cool to see the game letting you screw around with these characters, I never felt I was making a character better or more interesting than the ones there from the start. So I guess I feel like they kinda should come back, just because it’s one more avenue of customization, but that they aren’t really necessary at all.

Whether or not they come back, I do hope Palutena gets a redesign that lets her have some of her more interesting specials as the defaults. It kinda sucks that she actually has a lot of really distinct, even unique moves, but they’re all gated behind a mode that gets used so infrequently.