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sjsmith56 · 4 months ago

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Promise Your Love - A Private Man, Chapter 16

Summary: Bucky and Tracey get married. They make a momentous decision on their wedding night.

Length: 5.5 K

Characters: Bucky, Tracey, Sam, Rebecca, Janice, the Avengers and guests.

Warnings: Minors DNI - contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 18. Bucky forgets something important.

Author notes: Bucky getting married is what we want, right? It’s all good.

<<Chapter 15

November 30, 2024

"Tell me it's there, at the house," said Bucky, as he spoke to Janice on the phone. "I'm sure I last saw it on the dresser in the bedroom. NO, don't let Tracey know I forgot it. Just make sure you bring it with you when the limousine brings you to the hall. Sam will be waiting at the main door to take it from you. As long as we have it before the ceremony."

He hung up and bent his head. How could he forget the marriage license? Other than himself and his tux it was the only other thing he had to remember as Sam had the ring. He felt Sam's hand on the back of his shoulder.

"Janice found it?" he asked.

Bucky nodded. "Still can't believe I left it there yesterday. How do people who get married more than once do it? I'm a wreck and this is the only marriage I hope to ever have."

"Don't sweat it, Buck," said Sam. "I'm sure I'll be a basket case on my wedding day. You know I'm really happy for you. Tracey's an incredible woman and you two have such a bond."

"She is," sighed Bucky. "How lucky was I to meet her right on my front step?"

"It was meant to happen," replied his friend. "I believe that. After all the shit that went wrong in your life karma was bound to look kindly on you at some point."

Bucky smirked. "Too bad I don't believe in that. You're picking us up from the hotel tomorrow and taking us to the airport, right?" Sam nodded. "I've given you the location of the beach house and I'll have my cell phone with me. If anything happens to Rebecca, you just text Brooklyn and we'll get on the next flight back."

"Nothing is going to happen," soothed Sam, knowing it was Bucky's anxiety talking. "She's healthy, walking like a champ, and with Janice and I staying at the house and her aides coming during the day we've got her needs covered. You can have a great honeymoon."

"I just worry, you know?" said Bucky. "If ever there was a time for Rebecca to get sick it would be now. Not to mention the complete disappearance of Ross and Fontaine has me concerned. Even Walker hasn't heard from them."

"Rhodey is on top of it," replied his partner. "If either of them shows their faces around your sister they'll be arrested, immediately. We’ve done all we could to prepare for anything. Now let's finish getting ready and get over to the venue for the best day of your life."

Nodding his acceptance of Sam's ministrations Bucky buttoned up his dress shirt and tried to put the bow tie on. After the third try Sam came over and did it right the first time. Next came the jackets and both men made sure nothing was out of place before packing their bags and leaving one at the front desk. Bucky's would be transferred to the bridal suite while Sam would take his with him in Tracey's car which he would drive after the reception. Both men headed down to the car and were soon at the Metropolitan Ballroom where Bucky nervously walked through the setup for the ceremony. Pepper was already there with Happy keeping Morgan occupied while she spoke to the facility manager.

"We think alike," she said to the nervous dark-haired Avenger. "I walked through as well and couldn't find anything out of place."

He blushed and coughed nervously. "I just keep thinking of everything that could go wrong."

"Nothing will, Bucky, and even if it does, you're with friends," she said soothingly. "Where's Sam?"

"Waiting out front for the limo," he replied, blushing again. "I forgot the licence."

"There you go, that's likely the worst thing that will happen today," she said. "I take it the ladies will bring it?"

"Janice will," answered Bucky. "I didn't want Tracey or Rebecca to know."

An errant strand of hair hung over Bucky's forehead as he had grown it out a little, so it didn't look so severe for the wedding ceremony. With a smile Pepper brushed it off of his face.

"That tuxedo looks really good on you," she said. "You could have been a model."

He smirked. "Sure, the swimsuit photos would be a hit. Bucky is wearing vibranium arm by Wakanda, along with swim trunks by Walmart."

Pepper squeezed his flesh arm. "You still look good in a tuxedo. Tracey will look stunning in her gown, I promise."

"Sorry," he ducked his head. "It's just anxiety. I was never like this when I was young but the PTSD just does something to a man."

"It's alright," she replied softly. "Tony had his own PTSD issues. On our wedding day he hyperventilated almost to the point of passing out but ten minutes later he was back on his game. You'll be fine, really."

Guests were starting to arrive and she shooed Bucky to wait in the small vestibule set up for him. Rhodey and Torres came back to see him, standing with him for several minutes but eventually they left him alone where he waited until Sam came in and handed him the marriage licence.

"How does Tracey look?" he asked his friend.

"Beautiful," replied Sam. "Rebecca looks twenty years younger. So does Janice for that matter. Rhodey will be blown away."

Bucky looked sharply at him. "I know they danced a lot together at the engagement party but is he interested in her?"

Sam shrugged slightly. "I talked to him a couple of times since then and he asked me about her, mostly about whether her divorce had gone through yet. You know he wouldn't hurt her."

"I know but she's just got through a long abusive marriage," replied Bucky. "It's her call but I think she should wait before jumping into another relationship."

"You're right, it is her call," said Sam, bluntly. "I think she's adjusting well."

The officiant came into the vestibule and asked for the license. With Sam grinning at him Bucky pulled it out of his jacket's inside pocket and handed it to him. The man left to check on the bride's readiness and returned a few minutes later.

"Gentlemen," he said. "They're ready and I believe everyone is here."

Sam stuck his hand out and shook Bucky's hand, then patted him on the shoulder. He left as he would escort Rebecca up the aisle. Even though she walked the distance by herself at the rehearsal the night before both Bucky and Sam felt more secure if he supported her. With a nod the officiant led Bucky out to the square arch covered in roses and chrysanthemums. Tracey had chosen the song for the processional and asked for the original recording of it, a song by a group called Chicago from 1970. Called Colour My World, Bucky could see why she chose it as it was slow enough for the walk but had lyrics that were meaningful to them both. He liked it so much that he suggested they print out the lyrics on a keepsake card for themselves, intending to get it framed after they got back from their honeymoon. As the opening piano sequence started he took a deep breath and looked to the beginning of the aisle where Sam and Rebecca appeared.

She did look twenty years younger. With Rebecca's hair, makeup, and the cut of the steel blue dress with a necklace borrowed from Pepper Stark making her look like a movie star, she walked confidently on Sam's arm, smiling at her brother. A chair was provided for her to sit in, but she chose to stand, her face radiant. Then he turned to see Tracey and her mother, arm in arm, walking towards him. Wearing an ivory coloured gown with lace over the bodice and down into the skirt, Tracey wore a sheer veil that didn't hide the big smile on her face. As the processional song wound down the pair made it to him, and Janice kissed her daughter over the veil then placed her hand in Bucky's before kissing him on the cheek and kissing Rebecca after.

"Dear friends, we are here today to witness the joining of Tracey Harris and Bucky Barnes," began the officiant. "I've only had the pleasure of their acquaintance for the past month, while most of you have known one or the other through various means, with a select group witnessing the development of their relationship since they met just seven months ago. They are truly suited to each other, devoted to the other's wellbeing, full of understanding and empathy for the one they love. Before we begin the proceedings is there any reason why this couple should not be joined in marriage? Speak now or forever hold your peace."

There had been a concern that Marty Harris, Tracey's father was looking for the location of their wedding to interfere, but if he did find out he certainly wasn't there to say anything. The officiant asked the couple to face each other and he continued.

"Marriage is more than just saying vows to each other. You have a lifetime ahead of you to find happiness together, to find the good things in life to share with each other, to find humour and joy in your daily interactions, to comfort one another, and to seek forgiveness and solace when you are troubled. Love will prevail if you allow it to, and it will always make you stronger. You'll enter this marriage as individuals but will leave here today as a bonded pair, husband and wife. It is a great adventure that will require patience and sometimes sacrifice to put the good of the other before your own. Your friends and family are part of this adventure as they witness you commit yourselves to each other today, as they will support you in your marriage in the future. The question we all ask of you today is do you both agree to proceed with the exchange of vows and rings to seal the bond between you?"

"We do," replied Bucky and Tracey in unison.

"Bucky, will you say your vows and present the ring to your bride as a symbol of your bond?"

Bucky nodded and took a deep breath. "From the moment I saw you on the front step, when you first touched my heart, I knew I wanted a life with you. I didn't know your name or anything about your life but I saw in your eyes something warm and soft that I had been searching for. The two months you spent in Belize, fulfilling your need to distance our professional relationship showed me how principled you were as an individual. Since then you have shown me your love and support in ways that have made me feel needed and desired. I promise to be your confidant, to be your faithful husband in thought, word, and deed, at all times, to share all that I am with you, to support and honour you to the best of my abilities."

He turned to Sam who handed the ring to him and he held it at the tip of her ring finger.

"Repeat these words," said the officiant. "With this ring, I take you, Tracey Wendy Harris, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death us do part."

Bucky repeated it as he slid the ring onto her finger. Then he smiled at her and they held hands again.

"Tracey, will you say your vows and present the ring to your groom as a symbol of your bond?"

"Yes," she said softly. "You opened the door to your house that day and it opened my heart to you at the same time. That was the beginning of falling in love with you, a serious yet compassionate man who just wanted help to look after your sister. I felt the power of your inner strength immediately and it drew me in as you showed me the kindness that was inherent in you. That you felt the same for me was evident, and on my return from Belize I knew my future and yours would follow the same path. I will always believe in you, in your humanity and the good man that you truly are, I will be with you forever as your faithful wife, to be honest and truthful with you, to share a path of love and honour with you for as long as we both live."

She turned to Rebecca who took a ring off her thumb and placed it in Tracey's palm with a smile. She held it at the tip of his vibranium ring finger.

"It will break," he whispered.

She shook her head. "Shuri made it out of vibranium. It will flex with your hand and never break."

He looked into the assembled guests and made out the smiling faces of Queen Shuri and her guards Okoye and Ayo.

"Everything okay?" whispered the officiant.

"It's perfect," replied Bucky. "Please continue."

"Okay, Tracey, repeat these words," continued the man. "With this ring, I take you, James Buchanan Barnes, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death us do part."

Bucky watched with amused interest as the gold coloured ring expanded over his finger joint then settled into the gold groove that marked the space between the knuckle and the joint of his ring finger. He clenched his fist and released it, confirming that the ring flexed with his finger. For a moment he wondered if Shuri had manufactured it before he became engaged, hoping for him to be married some day. It just reaffirmed how much he felt obligated to the Wakandans.

Looking at Tracey he could feel the swell of emotion building within him as they both waited for the final words of the ceremony.

"Without further ado," stated the officiant, "I reiterate that Tracey and Bucky have come here today of their own free will, and in the presence of all of you witnesses, by openly declaring their love and commitment to each other. By the power invested in me by the State of New York, it gives me great pleasure to formally pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss to end the spoken part of the ceremony."

Bucky lifted Tracey's veil off of her face and placed one hand on her neck with the other around her waist. Pulling her close he pressed his lips to hers in a soft but meaningful kiss that produced many sighs from the assembled guests. Then he kissed Rebecca while she kissed Sam and the four were directed to a table where they signed the documents that verified the wedding. While they did so the sounds of Marvin Gaye singing How Sweet It Is to Be Loved by You came over the speakers. When they finished, they stood before those who were seated.

"It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Bucky and Tracey Barnes," announced the officiant.

With applause they stepped onto the carpet runner than walked down the aisle, stopping to kiss or hug those who sat closest. Sam and Rebecca followed closely. From the ceremony room the wedding party stood to receive their guests into a place for cocktails and refreshments. This time they were greeted by everyone as they transferred into the next room. After about ten minutes of welcoming people Rebecca sat on a chair, mostly to be certain she retained enough stamina for the rest of the evening.

When Shuri, Okoye and Ayo approached the wedding couple Bucky looked at the young queen / scientist with some scrutiny.

"I wasn't sure you were coming," he said. "You didn't exactly give us a reply."

"Sergeant Barnes, there was never any doubt in my mind that we were coming," said the regal young woman. "Especially since I learned of attempts to force you into your previous profession, partly to assist certain individuals in satisfying their corporate masters." He looked at her with some surprise. "Oh yes, we know of Thaddeus Ross, and Valentina de Fontaine's plans with the former Secretary of State. But we will speak of it with others, including your President, while you are enjoying your honeymoon."

"When did you make the ring?" he asked. "We only sent the invitations four weeks ago."

"It was always our hope that you would find a life partner," interrupted Okoye. "King T'Challa ordered its creation at the time of the arm's manufacture. The ring was devised to become part of your prosthetic, never to be forced off by anyone against your will. It is a symbol of what we hope your marriage will be; a union between two loves that will stand the test of time."

"Then I owe even more to Wakanda for having that hope for me, because it wasn't until I met my wife that I began to hope that for myself."

"We always had hope for you, Sergeant," added Shuri, softening her tone, then turned her gaze to Tracey. "Mrs. Barnes, you have bonded with an extraordinary man, whose loyalty to those he cares about is unmatched."

Tracey strengthened her hold on Bucky's arm. "I learned that quickly," she said. "He is my champion, in so many ways. Thank you for coming. It means a lot to both of us."

All three women gave a respectful dip of their heads in response and went on to join the group gathered around Rhodes. In truth, he had notified the Wakandans early on about the speculation of the reasons behind Ross's and Fontaine's activities. When he was given the green light to formally reassemble the Avengers Shuri was one of the first people he contacted, as he considered she would inherit more than the throne. It was also the young queen's intent to visit the newcomer's centre as she had been impressed with Bucky's involvement with the agency set up to assist refugees and immigrants from around the world to adapt to western living. Considering the number of refugees that came from African countries she wanted to know for herself how they had been treated, and like Pepper Stark, was contemplating further assistance to the group.

After the last person had been greeted by the wedding party Bucky got a scotch for himself and a glass of white wine for Tracey, while Sam got himself a beer and wine for Rebecca. They visited with everyone until the announcement that dinner was ready. After everyone was seated and the wedding party announced dinner was served, with those who had identified as Muslim receiving a halal meal. They also made sure African dishes were on the menu which the three Wakandans noticed and approved of. Once everyone had eaten their fill a break was called to make the vaulted hall ready for the dance.

The dozen member band that played at their engagement party had swelled to sixteen, including a woman singer who would share singing duties with one of the musicians. When they set up, the piano player, as the de facto leader of the band, took the mike for just a moment to address the guests.

"Since we last played in that little jazz club, word got out about a guy who absolutely loves jazz and blues classics from the 1930s and 1940s," he began. "Don't worry, we'll play some newer stuff as well but we had several people approach us to get involved in the performance at this guy's wedding. We've had a blast rehearsing for it and it's safe to say we've had some interest in putting on a concert here and there so it looks like getting together as a one time band is expanding to become a regular occurrence for us in the future. We have Bucky Barnes to thank for that, or more precisely the man who originally approached us on Bucky's behalf, Captain America himself, Sam Wilson. So let's get this dance off the ground by inviting the happy couple up for their first dance as newlyweds, to the Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong version of The Nearness of You."

He looked to the drummer who counted it down and they began playing. Bucky had the biggest grin on his face as he twirled Tracey around the floor. The woman singer had the most beautiful clear voice, while the musician who took on the Louis Armstrong vocals had the same gravelly intonation of the legendary singer / musician. By the looks on the faces of the band members and guests who were watching, the song was enjoyed on many levels. When the band began playing more of the older classics the dance floor became crowded with people enjoying the music that Bucky and to a lesser extent, Rebecca had grown up enjoying. Just like at the engagement party she danced with a lot of different men, charming all of them with her enthusiasm. When she got tired she sat and watched, clapping along with the beat.

Bucky, who danced mostly with his new wife, relived much of his youth with the sounds of the band and the lights of the ballroom. Everything about it was enjoyed by him and by extension, Tracey. When the band played I Only Have Eyes for You, she whispered in Bucky's ear.

"We should go," she said, knowing only he could hear it with his superior hearing. "I have some things in mind for you."

Placing his mouth next to her ear he replied just loudly enough for her to hear. "Mrs. Barnes, that's awfully forward of you. What would people think?"

She looked at him with her eyes so full of love. "They would think it's about time we got out of here."

Placing her hand on his cheek he lowered his head to hers and kissed her gently, then he nodded. They both left the dance floor and came over to Sam who was sitting with Rebecca and Amina.

"Oh Mr. Bucky, what a wonderful time my husband and I have had at our first American wedding," she said, with enthusiasm. "We even tried dancing to one of your songs. We need practice, much practice."

"I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed it," he replied, then he looked at Rebecca and took her by the hand. "I think we're going to get going. You'll come with Sam to pick us up and see us off tomorrow?"

"That's my plan," she replied. "Make sure you don't forget your passports."

She had a sweet smile on her face, and he shook his head in mock exasperation, realizing she knew he forgot the wedding licence. Kissing her on the side of the head first, he hugged her, then leaned towards Sam to let him know they were leaving. Nodding, Sam gave the signal to the piano player to play the last song for the couple before they left. When they finished the current song, he announced the couple would be leaving after one more song, What a Wonderful World. A space cleared for them, and they danced with a spotlight on them. Quickly, Tracey tossed her bouquet into the crowd, laughing when her mother emerged with it. Sam extracted Tracey's overnight bag from the cloakroom of the facility as Bucky's was already in the hotel room, left from earlier when he and Sam left the hotel, placed them in the limousine then assisted Rebecca outside to say goodbye. Everyone was given eco-friendly confetti to toss at them as they made their goodbyes out in the cool night air then they got into the limousine, and it pulled away.

He kissed Tracey's hand in the back seat then leaned over to kiss her. "As fun as that was, I'm glad it's over," he said. "I haven't danced like that since 1943 when the USO brought a show to an army base in England and allowed the local girls in so we had someone to dance with."

"It was fun," agreed Tracey. Snuggling closer to her new husband she kissed his ear. "I hope you don't mind if I try something fun tonight."

"Oh yeah?" he smiled as he put his arm around her. "Any hints?"

She shook her head smiling at him. "I think you'll like it ... Sergeant Barnes."

A small giggle escaped her lips and he kissed her passionately, noticing the privacy panel go up between them and the driver. Twenty minutes later Bucky knocked on the panel and it came down.

"Thank you," said Bucky, to the driver, reaching over the back of the seat with some folded cash. "I appreciate your discretion."

"You're not my first newlywed couple," smiled the driver, taking the cash.

On his way back Bucky noticed Tracey's panties still on the floor of the limousine and picked them up, placing them in his tuxedo pocket as he took his place beside her again. It felt like something old Bucky would do.

After check-in at the hotel Bucky carried Tracey across the threshold of the bridal suite door, tipping the bell boy for bringing her bag up. It was pointed out that his bag was already in the room and that the food and drinks would be delivered shortly.

"Come here," said Bucky softly. "Did I tell you that you looked incredible tonight?"

"No, but you did say I looked beautiful, stunning, good enough to eat, and what was the other word ... like a goddess," she smiled, as she approached him. "Did I tell you that you looked handsome?"

"About a dozen times," he nodded. "I liked hearing it every time."

Reaching to her veil he gently undid the bobby pins, releasing it, then found the bobby pins that were still in her hair, removing them and running his hand through her long locks. A knock on the door interrupted them and Bucky opened it to room service bringing a plate of oysters and chocolate covered strawberries, plus a bottle of champagne and two long stemmed glasses. He tipped the server and locked the door behind him. Tracey looked at the oysters and grimaced slightly.

"It's okay, they're for me," said Bucky. "I ate them in Romania to help my brain heal. In my youth they were thought to help in other ways." A sexy smile crossed his face as he picked one up in the shell, raised it to his upturned face and let it slide into his mouth, chewing a couple of times before he swallowed. "Not bad. Do you want a strawberry?"

She nodded and came close to him again as he picked one up and held it up to her lips, watching intently as she bit into it, sliding his free hand around her waist as she chewed it. A piece of chocolate was stuck on the outside of her lip, and he gently licked it off.

"We need music," murmured Tracey.

"We do," agreed Bucky, and he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, bringing her panties with it. "You surprised me in the limousine."

"I surprised myself," she answered, with an amused look on her face. "Maybe marriage is bringing out a bit of the wild girl I was never allowed to be when I was younger."

"God, I love you," he suddenly said, embracing her then kissing her deeply.

When they finished kissing she turned her back for him to undo the many buttons on the back of her dress. As the skin on her back was exposed he ran his fingers down the opening, realizing that she hadn't worn a bra, and with her panties coming off in the limousine she was mostly nude under the dress. It had an immediate effect on him, which became more evident when she dropped her dress off her shoulders to show she was only wearing a garter belt attached to stockings.

"Someone has a problem," she said, pouting her lips slightly as she turned to face him. "Someone is overdressed for the occasion. Do you need help getting undressed?"

"Darlin', I like how you're talkin'," replied Bucky, his Brooklyn accent suddenly coming out. "Just let me get this music going and I'll let you undress me."

He opened his playlist, and it began with a mixture of their songs from their first date in the back yard. As Tracey undid his tie Bucky removed his jacket tossing it aside, then caressed her body as she undid his shirt and pulled it out of his pants. They kissed again, both of them stroking the skin of the other. When Tracey undid Bucky's pants, revealing he was fully aroused, they both looked down at his bulge.

"Damn, baby," he gasped, picking her up and kissing her feverishly as he carried her to the bed. Lay, Lady, Lay began playing on the playlist and Bucky smiled at Tracey. "You're so beautiful."

Smiling back, she reached for him, cupping him over his briefs before pulling them off and pulling him into her. There was no hesitation as he entered her and began thrusting. For both, what happened next was basic instinctual biology as they each lost control of any inhibitions they may have previously had. It was quick, almost violent, and brought them to a loud and very physical release. After they were done they tried to piece together just what happened as Bucky brought some warm wet facecloths out to clean around some definite bite marks on each of them.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he gently dabbed around them on her breast. "It was like something came over me and I turned into a wild animal."

"What about what I did to you?" countered Tracey, wincing for him as she gently pressed the facecloth into the broken skin on his neck and shoulder. "What the hell happened to us?"

"Lost in the moment I guess. I'll heal quickly but you, you're going to be marked. I feel terrible."

Gently, she put her hand on his cheek and kissed him. "It's alright. It was an incredible orgasm, for what it's worth." She thought of something and quickly went to the bathroom, coming back a few minutes later. "Bucky, my IUD isn't there. The threads to it are gone."

His head came up and he stared at her. "What does that mean?"

"I could be pregnant." At first, he said nothing. "All night, I've really wanted you and when we got into it I felt like nothing else mattered but feeling every part of whatever we were doing. Increased sexual desire is one of the signs of early pregnancy, no more than a couple of weeks, possibly. Do you know if your super soldier pheromones are strong enough to affect your partner?"

"No, I don't know," he replied. "I haven't been with many women since I escaped HYDRA and the men, well they were pretty much all demanding it quick and rough. We didn't really talk or cuddle after." He looked away, embarrassed. "Are you disappointed in me?"

She was in front of him in a moment, kneeling down and holding his face in her hands so quickly it startled him.

"Never," she replied in a voice so intense he could feel it deep inside. "You are everything to me and what you did before you met me was how you coped with a basic human need, that's all. We've kept it pretty low key since we became physical, which was fine but maybe it was just us getting used to each other or we were just not allowing ourselves to let go and it all came out tonight."

"Do you have any other symptoms?" he asked, in a voice that sounded both plaintive and hopeful.

"Well, possibly, but we've been a bit stressed with the wedding so I may have attributed it to that," she replied. "I could take a home pregnancy test. The really sensitive ones can tell early in the pregnancy. It's best to take it in the morning when the pregnancy hormone is at its strongest concentration."

"Then we'll do that," he said, smiling softly at her. "What about tonight? I don't have any condoms with me."

"If I am pregnant then it's already happened," she replied. "If I'm not ... maybe I'm meant to be, if you want."

His quick answer surprised him. "Yeah, I want it. I've wanted it since the war. Would you be the mother of my child?"

"In a New York minute."

They kissed passionately, accepting that what happened between them was meant to happen. Whatever made them lose control was gone as they made love several more times during the night, in ways that were much more gentle but just as satisfying to them both. Bucky promised to run to a pharmacy in the morning and buy a home pregnancy test to find out if they had even more to celebrate. Until then they wouldn't worry about it.

Chapter 17>>

Series Masterlist

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grandwretch · 8 days ago

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books i read in january 2025

books started: 29 /books finished: 19

We Burn Daylight by Bret A. Johnston -- Romeo and Juliet but make it about a southern cult. super slow burn, super anxiety inducing. i loved every moment, especially as a benvolio stan, although i still say he suffered more than jesus.

Mo Dao Zu Shi Vol. 1 by MXTX -- explains itself, natch

Blood Jade by Julia Vee and Ken Bebelle -- the sequel to a book i read in december, i ended up loving this one way more. although i still hate her love interest, this western take on cultivation novel is AMAZING. can't wait for the third one

The Forgotten Dead & Rattling Bone Jordan L. Hawk -- cute queer stories about ghost hunting youtubers and a parapsychology professor, but ultimately a shallow representation of both the romance and horror genres

One of Us Knows by Alyssa Cole -- interesting take on the horror genre from the perspective of a DID system. a bit covoluted, but ultimately enjoyable.

Ruthless Vows by Rebecca Ross -- sequel to a book i read last year. ended up not liking this one very much; i prefered the magical realism aspects of the first one. this one leaned far too much into fantasy.

The Beforelife of Eliza Valentine by Laura Pearson -- weird and emotional, but ultimately satisfying. the ghosts of a woman's potential children follow her throughout her life.

Dragon Ball Vol 1. by Akira Toriyama -- listen. i am not immune to nostalgia.

15 Summers Later by RaeAnne Thayne -- not at all the cozy read the cover makes it seem! an interesting look at trauma and how it inspires people into their best... and their worst.

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend by Emma Alban -- i enjoyed this WAY more than i expected to. a lesbian regency romance, it's way more realistic about the time than i expected. the dialogue isn't period accurate, but i don't mind because it doesn't pretend to be. the main characters are very cute.

Murder at the Bookstore by Sue Minix -- pretty bog standard mystery novel; poor man's jessica fletcher. the main character being soooo clumsy was annoying and So 2009 mystery novel vis a vis meg cabot.

Lion's Tail Jordon L. Hawk -- the sequel to a book i read last year. an alternate history in 1920s chicago, an action packed mystery. did not like this one as much as the first, mostly because the main characters pissed me off. i'll still give the third one a go.

Cardcaptor Sakura by CLAMP -- I AM NOT IMMUNE TO NOSTALGIA

Witchcraft for Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix -- i would have preferred less magic, actually. a book about witchcraft practiced by unwed mothers in a home in 1970 florida, this book straddles the line between magical realism and fantasy without ever really picking a side. is it a metaphor? is it a parable? who's to say really. didn't like it. might stop reading this author

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall -- a trans woman tired of hiding herself uses going MIA in war as a perfect opportunity to transition. when she is reintroduced to her grieving best friend, though, emotions ensue. i loved this. more fictional trans women should top their boyfriends. the ending left me a little lacking, though, which is the only thing that kept this from being one of my all-time favorite books.

One Perfect Couple by Ruth Ware -- what if lord of the flies were about reality tv stars instead of tiny imperialists? not exactly a thinker, i did actually enjoy reading this. sometimes thrillers can be about turning off your brain the same way romances can. this is great for that.

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle -- we all know chuck is king. i would have preferred a little more worldbuilding, but that's my style, not king's. it's a great little horror/adventure that ruminates on faith, family, and the importance of agency.

The Reanimator's Heart by Kara Jorgenson -- autistic necromancer accidentally reanimates his murdered wizardcop crush. they fight crime. despite the dark subject material, both the characters are flawless in a way that leaves me feeling cold. oliver's only flaw is that he's autistic. fillipe is absent from his family dynamic, even though his wife has another partner and a child, but it's only because he LOVES his JOB and DUTY so MUCH. the ending was so boring i decided not to read the second book.

#az reads #decided not to list the DNFs because i didn't want to be too negative but i at least counted them lol #long post

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thereadingchallengechallenge · 19 days ago

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Dreams Lie Beneath by Rebecca Ross Rating: 4/5

So imagine if the BFG had to fight the nightmares instead of catching them in jars. And if he was a seventeen-year-old girl instead of a giant. That's pretty much what Dreams Lie Beneath is, with an enemies-to-lovers romance stirred in.

It was fun. It kept me engaged with its interesting world-building around the dreams and nightmares. And the tension in the relationship between Clementine and Phelan was well-written and never felt too over-dramatic. The climax didn't pack quite enough of a punch for me but I did like the twist.

If you want a fantasy standalone that's low stakes with unusual magic or you want a YA book with similar vibes to One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig, this might be for you.

#dreams lie beneath #rebecca ross #booklr #bookblr #ya books #ya fantasy #fantasy romance #trcc original #fantasy books #romantasy #reviews #4 star reads

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ismahanescorner · 1 month ago

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Letters of Enchantment | Duet Review

Author: Rebecca Ross

Genre: YA Fantasy, Romantasy.

Publisher: Magpie

Release Date: 04/04/2023 | 26/12/2023

Rating: 4/5 🌟

Synopsis:

Divine Rivals: 4/5 🌟🌟🌟🌟

No god, no creature, no war can come between them When two young rival journalists find love through a magical connection, their fate depends on their facing the depths of hell… together. After centuries of sleep, the gods are warring again… All eighteen-year-old Iris Winnow wants to do is hold her family together. With a brother on the frontline forced to fight on behalf of the Gods now missing from the frontline and a mother drowning her sorrows, Iris’s best bet is winning the columnist promotion at the Oath Gazette. But when Iris’s letters to her brother fall into the wrong hands – that of the handsome but cold Roman Kitt, her rival at the paper – an unlikely magical connection forms. Expelled into the middle of a mystical war, magical typewriters in tow, can their bond withstand the fight for the fate of mankind and, most importantly, love?

Ruthless Vows: 4/5 🌟🌟🌟🌟

TORN APART BY WAR. REUNITED BY LOVE? Two weeks have passed since Iris Winnow returned home bruised and heartbroken from the front, but the war is far from over. Roman is missing, and the city of Oath continues to dwell in a state of disbelief and ignorance. When Iris and Attie are given another chance to report on Dacre’s movements, they both take the opportunity and head westward once more despite the danger, knowing it’s only a matter of time before the conflict reaches a city that’s unprepared and fracturing beneath the chancellor’s reign. Since waking below in Dacre’s realm, Roman cannot remember his past. But given the reassurance that his memories will return in time, Roman begins to write articles for Dacre, uncertain of his place in the greater scheme of the war. When a strange letter arrives by wardrobe door, Roman is first suspicious, then intrigued. As he strikes up a correspondence with his mysterious pen pal, Roman will soon have to make a decision: to stand with Dacre or betray the god who healed him. And as the days grow darker, inevitably drawing Roman and Iris closer together…the two of them will risk their very hearts and futures to change the tides of the war.

Review:

tw//: war violence, death of a parent.

the hype has subsided a bit for this duet, so i decided to see for myself if it was deserved or not. it definitely is deserved! this is the first story (non-manga) in a long time that had me fangirling and enjoying the back and forth between the protagonists. i was giddy and gushing over who C. was and how he was gonna be revealed in due time.

i quite liked how the author handled depiction of war and its effects on the people. i also liked how the author managed to provide commentary on the use of propaganda in war and education to manipulate the public perception. the author without reverting to cliffhanger trickery managed to keep the reader engaged in the sequel, now that the mystery aspect of the tale has been solved.

I found the characters likeable and multilayered. the story was beautifully written, and the plot -after part 1 of book 1- was gripping and action packed; and finally book 2 delivered a satisfying conclusion!

#booknerd #bookworm #book review #booklover #books #divine rivals #ruthless vows #letters of enchantment #iris winnow #roman kitt #elizabeth and carver #rebecca ross #duet #romantasy

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kenna-is-reading · 6 months ago

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Kennaisreading's Fall TBR/Recs

Dear Readers,

Happy Mid-August!

Now typically I steadfastly refuse to begin any sort of autumnal celebration until 12:01am on September 1st, but I am trying to plan ahead for my reading for the remainder of this year. This month has truly been sipped away like a bottle of wine, if you will, and preparing to lock in for fall classes has made me more ready to get into the upcoming season. Therefore, here is my long-awaited, (unsolicited), perfectly realistic (desperately ambitious) TBR for the months of September and October!

Fantasy

The Wren in the Holly Library by K.A. Linde (Find my Pinterest board for this book here).

2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Don't kill me! I have never read the Twilight series. You got me. But I did purchase every single book in the series a few months ago, and plan to quickly amend this personal shortcoming by reading as much of the series as I possibly can this fall.

3. Harry Potter

I have only ever read the first 4 books, but I once again recently bought the whole series. (Rest assured that I bought every single book secondhand so as to not give any support to that author.) I read the first four in late middle school/early high school, so I am glad to be getting that same nostalgic feeling that people who read these books in elementary get.

4. Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

I have heard great things, and I am expecting great things.

5. The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

I was actually like 30% of the way through this book a couple of years ago and was loving everything about it, but simply didn't have time to finish. It seems like the perfect fall read, so I am looking forward to this one a lot, especially as I reenter the university scene.

6. The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi

Another one I have heard wonderful things about. I hear it has a great found family, which we all know is my most favorite trope of all time, so I hope it lives up to the hype!

7. Once Upon A Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber

Excited to be the last person on earth to read this series. Seemed like a cozy fairy-tale-esque fantasy to read for fall.

8. The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston

I read Ashley Poston's Once Upon A Con series in middle school and loved it, and I've heard nothing but rave reviews about her adult releases, so I have high hopes for this. The vibes seem perfect for fall.

9. The Stolen Heir Duology by Holly Black

Binged the original FotA trilogy in November 2020 when I was sick and delusional from Covid, so I am prepared to take on this duology perfectly well and in my right mind.

10. Powerless by Lauren Roberts

PRAYING y'all are telling the truth about how good this is. I need another fantasy series hyperfixation!!!

11. The Kiss of Deception by Margaret E Pearson

So excited to get into this whole universe. I was convinced to read this series by queen Sunny Kim (@ sunnykimreads on YouTube take your butt to her channel and subscribe NEOW!) and I trust her with my life so let's go!

12. Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer

One thing about me I am a sucker for a villain and I did not hesitate to buy this without looking up a singular comment or review.

13. Lightlark by Alex Aster

Heard mixed reviews on this one, so I have to see for myself!

14. Stars & Smoke by Marie Lu

Marie Lu raised me, schooled me, packed my lunches, sent me to college, and is one of the reasons I write. I am so late to this release but SO stoked to read it! What do y'all know about the Legend trilogy and also the Young Elites and also Warcross!!! Get into those!

15. Fable by Adrienne Young

Once again, miss Sunny Kim's love for the prequel novel of this series was influential enough to make me want to read the whole thing.

16. A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid

The aesthetic of this book, as well as that cover, made me SO excited to pick this up! Another great fantasy that looks perfect for fall.

17. Heartless Hunter by Kristen Ciccarelli

Expecting enemies to lovers fantasy greatness from this based on what I've been told!

18. Swordcatcher by Cassandra Clare

So excited to read my first non-Shadowhunter Cassie book! I love her writing and always get so attached to her characters, plus I met her at the event I went to for this book, so I'm biased.

19. Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

DID SOMEBODY SAY LIBRARY??? Sign me up!

20. The Infernal Devices Trilogy by Cassandra Clare

Now you know it is not autumn or winter if I do not reread the best series of all time! If you have not read the Infernal Devices (Clockwork Angel, Clockwork Prince, Clockwork Princess), then GET in the car and GET to your local library. And if you're like me and your brain won't let you read stuff out of order, then get through those first 3 Mortal Instruments books (City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass) ASAP! I PROMISE it's worth it! Shadowhunters is such a wonderful universe I could cry. TID contains the best love triangle ever written, and I don't even like love triangles. At all. This series is truly my everything and I think about it every day without fail. There's nothing left to say but Pick This Series Up if you haven't! Perfection for fall reading!

Mystery/Fiction

1 Karen M McManus

I have read One of Us is Lying, The Cousins, and You'll Be the Death of Me and enjoyed all of those, so this fall I am hoping to get through One of Us is Next, Two Can Keep A Secret, Nothing More to Tell, and One of Us is Back.

2. Enola Holmes by Nancy Springer

I love the Enola Holmes movies (putting Henry Cavill and Sam Claflin in the same film right in front of my eyes was crazy work actually), so I read the first book back in winter. I'm looking forward to reading this middle-grade mystery series, because it's something I've lacked since I was much younger!

3. Reign by Katherine McGee

I have procrastinated finishing the American Royals series for such a long time because if it does not end the way I hope it will, I might lose my mind a little. Loved the drama in these books.

4. Games Untold by Her Royal Majesty Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I am reading the Grandest Game right now, and it has only confirmed that the best place to be in life is sitting somewhere binging a JLB book at breakneck speed. This is what life and writing and literature and reading are all about. I was lucky enough to get to meet Jennifer on the book tour for TGG less than 2 weeks ago, and it was such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to read these novellas about my beloved TIG characters even though this book comes out in November and this is technically a Sept/Oct list.

5. We Were Liars by e. lockhart

You know it. You love it. Or you hate it. Either way, I haven't read it yet, and I must decide for myself.

6. The Lovely and the Lost by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Every tongue that rises against JLB shall fall, and this is the last book of hers I have to read.

Romance

Fall is when I'm locking in on SPORTS ROMANCEEEE!!!

Whether you love it or hate it, sports romance is one of the most popular current genres out there, and I love picking up football and hockey romances when football and hockey season returns. I forced myself to leave 2 Elle Kennedy hockey books for myself to read in fall when hockey comes back, and I cannot wait.

The Wall of Winnipeg and Me

I have never read a Mariana Zapata book, so I am excited to see what all the commotion is about.

2. Daydream by Hannah Grace

I <3 Henry and that is all I have to say on the matter.

3. Heartstopper v5

Heartstopper is such a cute and cozy series, so I will be finally picking up the most recent volume this fall.

4. Flawless by Elsie Silver

I am finally diving in to the Elsiverse! I wanna join in on the cowboy summer movement, I just haven't had time! So it is henceforth going to be Yeehaw Fall.

5. Unsteady by Corinne Peyton

Another Sunny Kim rec that I need to get my hands on immediately.

6. The Wingman by Stephanie Archer

Get into the Vancouver Storm series if you haven't!!! The Fake Out was one of the best hockey romances I've ever read in my life. I am SO READY for this book!

7. Offside by Avery Keelan

Has been on my KU TBR forever and a day. Will be devouring as many hockey romances as possible I fear.

Recs!!!

Now that we've covered the books I'm planning to read this fall, most of which I've never read, let's get into what YOU should read this fall!

Fantasy

ACOTAR by Sarah J Maas

I had to get this one out of the way if you somehow have never read ACOTAR. I think it's written somewhere in my nonexistent reader/blogger contract that I must mention this. Fall and winter are a perfect time to dive into this universe and hop on this bandwagon.

2. The Grishaverse by Leigh Bardugo

Shadow and Bone trilogy and the Six of Crows duology, if you somehow have not heard of them, are excellent. Or if you have heard of them and haven't read, take this obscure blog post as your sign to pick them up! This universe is so immersive and amazing when you don't have somebody in your ear whining about ship wars. I had a book hangover for weeks my freshman year after finishing these books, which I hardly ever get, but I still think about them regularly to this day.

3. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

There is nothing remotely fall-like about these books at all, but if you're looking for a fantasy series with a found family and fairy-tale callbacks, get into Cinder! Truly such a beloved and nostalgic series to me. I am in the process of rereading them, and I absolutely love the characters so much. For being considered a "classic YA throwback series", we really don't talk about it enough.

4. Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

LOOK UP TRIGGER WARNINGS! This is an adult novel that deals with some very dark themes, so be aware of that going in. A lot of dark academia/fantasy/mystery vibes going on here, but definitely read at your discretion.

5. The Cruel Prince Trilogy by Holly Black (Folk of the Air)

Perfect fall fantasy vibes, enemies to lovers, pretty quick reads. There's a lot of politics involved in this series, and a very immersive setting, in my opinion. You kind of have to get past the "hey what is going on btw" and just go with it! Great reads.

6. Sisters of the Salt Duology by Erin A Craig

House of Salt and Sorrows and House of Roots and Ruin are wonderful spooky fantasy books to get you through the fall/winter. A murderous retelling of the 12 Dancing Princesses set in a seaside manor with a horror twist! I loved it simply for how unique and original the plot was (despite it obviously being a retelling, it was just a fresh take okay?).

7. Shadowhunter Chronicles by Cassandra Clare

Just trust me, okay? They really are amazing. I'll give you the reading order; don't be intimidated I know it's a lot of books just walk with me.

8. Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge

YA fantasy that I read in a day and really enjoyed. It is a Beauty and the Beast retelling; arranged marriage enemies to lovers vibes.

9. The Beautiful Quartet by Renee Ahdieh

VAMPIRES! In New Orleans! In 1872! That is all I shall say as I have not finished the series yet!

10. Kerri Maniscalco

Her books are perfect for fall, whether you pick up the Kingdom of the Wicked series or, my personal favorite, the Stalking Jack the Ripper series. These have mystery, supernatural elements, fantasy, and romance, so there's something for everyone.

11. A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

This is another Beauty and the Beast retelling, and the perfect fantasy series for fall and winter.

12. Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Excellent fantasy for fall and I know I keep saying that, but this series just screams October to me; idk why.

13. Three Dark Crowns Series by Kendare Blake

SOOOO not talked about enough. I loved this series when I read it. It is spooky and dark, with really interesting female characters set in a very intriguing matriarchal setting.

Classics

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

Greatest love story of all time literally I wish Gilbert Blythe was real! Wholesome, dreamlike, cozy series perfect for fall. I have never loved a classic more. And when you're done reading, you get the pleasure of going to watch the 1985 movies starring Megan Follows and Jonathan Crombie. This book literally gave us the "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers" quote like come on!

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin

I read this book once in middle school and it was the only thing I ever genuinely enjoyed reading for school. This was the original Knives Out/Inheritance Games I fear.

Mysteries

1 Charlotte Holmes Series by Brittany Cavallaro

2. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

3. The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

4. The Naturals Series by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

5. The Debutantes Duology by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

6. The Dead Queen's Club by Hannah Capin

Romances

Off-Campus/Briar U Series by Elle Kennedy

Hockey Romance Essential Viewing

2. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

For nostalgic fall vibes

3. Once Upon A Con Series by Ashley Poston

4. Vancouver Storm Series by Stephanie Archer

Fiction

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Mother Daughter Book Club Series by Heather Vogel Frederick (Middle grade but please read it anyway)

The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart

Another middle grade for nostalgic vibes

And that is it! The longest discussion about fall books I've ever done. If you have any other recommendations please feel free to let me know! As you can see my TBR is obviously not at all long enough.....

Anyway! Thank you so much for reading, and definitely let me know what you are reading this fall if you feel like it/if you even care fr omg. I hope y'all have a fantastic end of summer and that you're ready to have an amazing, vibey Gilmore Girls-esque autumn! Queuing up the Norah Jones as we speak, and until the next time I find time to scribble my literary thoughts down!

Xoxo,

Kenna

Pinterest Boards!

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felixcloud6288 · 1 year ago

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Fullmetal Alchemist Chapter 89

Team Scar shows up and the Chimera guys all catch up with each other.

When I first read this series, I didn't pay the Chimeras much concern until this moment. If FMA were an RPG; Jelso, Zanpano, Darius, and Heinkel would be those characters who are given to you so you have a full party before going into a difficult dungeon. They'd have maybe one ability and they'd only be good at one specific thing. Then they either leave or you bench them forever when your ACTUAL party members show up.

I honestly expected they would probably get killed at some point cause why introduce and keep new characters around this late in the series.

And then they sat down and chatted about their situation. They're all fugitives. They're fighting for a just cause. And they have a community that accepts them.

At that point I was rooting for them to make it through to the end.

And I want to talk about Ed's jacket for a moment. It's iconic. If you think of Ed's attire, you think of that jacket. But he actually doesn't wear it much throughout the series.

Of the previous 88 chapters, Ed has had 74 non-flashback appearances and 5 flashback appearances. Of the 74 non-flashback chapters, Ed is wearing his jacket at least once in 28 of them (29 if we include flashbacks). Also, 12 of those chapters are actually the coat he wears while at Briggs.

And I want to mention I'm including chapters where we spot him wearing his jacket in a SINGLE panel. Chapter 15, for example, is counted because Ed was wearing his jacket during the single shot of him on the train even though he spent the rest of the chapter in a hospital garb.

The longest continuous section of the story where Ed never wore his jacket was chapters 48 - 64. In chapter 47, Ed handed Winry his jacket and she's still carrying it later, but then it disappears when she goes back to Rush Valley. In chapter 64, Ed is wearing the red coat instead.

I'd bet if you counted each individual panel Ed appears in up to this point, there are more panels of him wearing the coat than there are of him wearing his jacket.

We got so much little details about Denny's personal life this chapter. He has at least 4 younger siblings, he rides a bike, he has a cat, and his legs are hairy.

A Solar Eclipse is also about to happen.

The one soldier mentions how Roy uses dust to act as the fuse for his Flame Alchemy. That would explain why the Earth symbol is part of Roy's transmutation circle.

So here's the general idea I see about Mustang's coup: He and Major General Armstrong are attempting to paint themselves as the noble heroes who uncovered Central High Command's evil plot to overthrow the President.

Major General Armstrong will fight within HQ and attempt to take control of the situation from there, meanwhile Roy and his platoon "rescue" Mrs. Bradley so they garner public support.

Then Miles and Graman are to march on Central to help reinforce and solidify control.

And once Central is under control, Mustang and Major General Armstrong are going to join with the Elrics to stop Father's plot.

But someone went and assassinated the President. It's beneficial to their plans, but it also means Miles and Graman are going to be delayed in their arrival.

It’s the final arc so everyone is returning.

Maria Ross and Rebecca arriving in an armored truck with munitions was unexpected by Roy. Finding out Havoc was the supplier was an even greater surprise.

So here's my guess on things. Havoc was part of the information chain used to pass the planned attack on Central so he knew when it would happen. He also knew Maria Ross had been smuggled to Xing. So over the last 5 months, Havoc had gotten in contact with Maria Ross and she gathered Xingese supplies while Havoc gathered munitions through his family's general goods store. The only other person he involved was Rebecca.

So once the day came, Maria returned from Xing with supplies in tow, Havoc had everything packed up, and Maria and Rebecca headed to Central.

back

Spoiler Discussion

I just want to add a bit more to the jacket thing.

Of this and the remaining 19 chapters, Ed appears in 16 of them. Of them, he's wearing his jacket for 13 of them.

So in total, Ed appears in 95/108 chapters in the series (90 non-flashback appearances). And he is wearing his jacket in 42/95 of them (41/90 without flashbacks).

#fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist reread

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twopoppies · 3 years ago

Note

Hey gina! I'm the anon who asked for book recs and yes i would love it if you could tell me who your favorite authors are.

Thank you for responding ❤

Hi darling. Okay… this is likely going to seem super random but I prefer to think of it as eclectic. 😆 Also, this is off the top of my head because my books are all packed in my garage at the moment and the knowledge that I’m leaving so many out is painful 🙃

Christopher Isherwood (too many to list, but Berlin Stories is my fave)

Daphne DuMaurier (Rebecca - my beloved)

John Irving (A Prayer for Owen Meany, in particular)

Simone de Beauvoir (The Mandarins especially)

Truman Capote (in Cold Blood… amazing)

Mikhail Bulgakov (The Master and Margarita - wow)

Mark Twain (ugh, his Joan of Arc is to die for)

Ian McEwan (The Innocents and Atonement are my faves)

David Mitchell (Cloud Atlas)

John Kennedy Toole (A Confederacy of Dunces)

Beryl Markham (West With The Night)

Joan Didion (The Year of Magical Thinking)

Brené Brown (everything she writes/says/shares, but especially The Gifts of Imperfections and Daring Greatly)

The most recent books I’ve read (I sense a theme)

Madeline Miller (The Song of Achilles)

CS Pacat (The Captive Prince trilogy)

Bethan Roberts (My Policeman)

Books I loved as a kid, but would still read today:

Enid Blyton (The Far Away Tree collection)

JRR Tolkien (The Hobbit, Lord of The Rings trilogy)

CS Lewis (The Narnia Chronicles)

Frances Hodgeson Burnett (The Secret Garden)

Edward Eager (Half Magic)

Some parenting books I love

Dan Siegel (everything, but especially Parenting From The Inside Out and The Whole-Brain Child)

Ross Greene (The Explosive Child - changed my life)

Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn (Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting)

Alfie Kohn (Unconditional Parenting)

Dr Joan Friedman (Emotionally Healthy Twins was a godsend)

#between 2007 and at least 2017 #all I read were parenting books #and books my children would like #so my list is very lacking in contemporary fiction #but here you go #my favorite books #and authors #personal

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nooneelsecomesclose17 · 4 years ago

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Who says I want to go back

This contains spoilers for Friday's ep of Emmerdale, because it enraged me so much I had to write a fix-it. So have a Robert's the one helping with Liv fic. I've borrowed relevant bits of dialogue from the ep (watching that twice was not pleasant btw)

--------

"Well I need something to forget that I'm here with you. When you're in my face Aaron, I hate you." He can tell himself that she's just mouthing off, that she doesn't mean it but it still hurts, has every time she's said it.

"Yeah I know Liv, you keep telling me. What am I supposed to do, I'm terrified. I can't stop you hurting yourself."

"Please. I'm not in danger. You're just a control freak that can't stand me having fun." He can see Robert, standing just inside the door, trying not to intervene because just lately that makes everything worse, but he knows he's there, that's what's important. He should be on his way to see Seb, he's already late and he nods, tells him to go, he can manage.

"That's not true."

"You want everyone to be as miserable as you, don't ya. Oh poor Aaron. You wouldn't want to be happy if you knew how to. You just want to drag us down cos of what you've been through." He just shakes his head. Is it true, is she right, does he do that? Robert's always teasing him for being grumpy, but is it more than that, does he drag him down too. "What, no shouty comeback?"

"If that's what you think then there's nothing I can say is there." He doesn't wait for an answer, just grabs his coat and leaves. There's no point even trying to talk to her when she's like that.

He heads to the yard, maybe an hour or so of bashing the hell out of metal will help calm him down. He should've gone with Robert like he suggested, but he hadn't wanted to leave Liv alone all that time.

It doesn't work like it always had in the past, and Robert's not answering, even after enough time has passed for him not to be driving.

"You alright kiddo?" He throws the crowbar down as Cain approaches.

"What's she done now?"

"Who? Your demon of a sister? Nowt, but your Mum said you'd had words."

"Something like that." He collapses down on the steps, throwing his gloves on the ground.

"You alright? She said Sugden was off to Liverpool."

"Yeah, to see Seb. Not like we can have him at ours right now is it?"

"You know, it's not a failure to say you can't cope."

"There's no one else is there? Sandra's worse than useless and she doesn't have anyone else. I'll sort it Cain. You'd never leave Mum to fend for herself would ya?"

"I might if she didn't want my help. I'm just saying...it's alright to fail." He nods, because he can't. He's failed her once already, he left her behind. He won't do it again, no matter how hard she pushes him.

--------

She's not about when he gets home and after making himself a cuppa he tries Robert again, just wants to hear his voice.

"Robert, this is really not a good day for you to do that ignoring calls thing. Just, call me back, please. I need you."

"God that was pathetic. No wonder he's not answering. Maybe he's finally seen the light. He's gone off to Liverpool for a couple of days, who knows what he's getting up to there."

"Why would he Liv?" Her words don't even hurt anymore, he knows Robert better than that, trusts him properly now.

"Wouldn't be the first time with her would it? All he's got here is you leaving whiny messages on his phone."

"You don't have to pick a fight just to cover what you're really after. It's right there."

"Aw what's up, don't want to tell me what to do anymore cos hubby's off with the ex?"

"Enough! Do you know why he's gone there huh? It's cos we daren't have Seb here with you like this. Just go Liv, get out of my sight."

"You just can't face up to the truth can you? He's up there with her and you're here, alone. Face it Aaron, you're the fool."

"Oi! What the hell is going on?" Both of them turn round at the sound of Robert's voice. Aaron smiles when he sees he's got Seb in his arms, immediately reaching out for the little boy who he's sure has grown since the last time he saw him.

"Liv was just telling me what she thought you were getting up to in Liverpool." He can see when Robert realises what he means, and he takes Seb into the kitchen away from the pair of them. "Hey mate, it's alright, we're not mad at you. How about a biccy eh?"

"Oh was she. Why don't you enlighten me?" He sets Seb at the table with a colouring book they keep handy before watching the two of them.

"Well it wouldn't be the first time would it?"

"I think you're winning in the repeating mistakes game right now don't you? So what brought on this latest round of making everyone hate you? Run out of vodka?"

"Of course you're taking his side!"

"You've all but accused me of cheating so why would I take yours? How long are we doing this for Liv, because I'm tired. Aren't you?"

"Get off my back Robert!"

"Fine. Just get out."

"You can't throw me out. It's my house!"

"So you keep saying, except that's not actually true is it? It's half Aaron's and mine too." He stands his ground and Aaron stops himself from getting her to stay. He doesn't have the energy, just wants Robert and Seb, and some peace. Liv stares at him for minute before she grabs her bag and storms out.

"You know she's just going to drink all that at the pavilion don't you?"

"Yeah, probably. I'll go after her in a bit, when you tell me why I have thirty missed calls?"

"I should go. I'm her brother."

"Yeah well you married me. What's yours is mine and all that crap. I think you've taken enough off her for today don't you?" He runs a hand through Seb's hair before hugging Aaron, holding on until he relaxes properly. "Go on, what did she say?"

"Do I control people? Make them miserable?"

"What, no! Did she actually say that?" Aaron nods. "That's ridiculous."

"You're always saying I'm grumpy."

"Yeah cos you are, and I love you anyway don't I? You never make me miserable though, or anyone else. The only one doing that round here is Liv. I know she's suffering Aaron, but this can't go on."

"I don't know what to do anymore. She won't listen."

"Then we ask for help. As much as I love your Gran, her idea isn't going to work and your Mum's idea...well the less said the better. When I've found her, we're going to see Liam, or Manpreet."

"But..."

"No. We need proper advice Aaron. They'll know who to talk to, or how to talk to her. She doesn't have to know, not yet, but I'm not having you upset like this."

"Ok." He sniffs, pulling back from Robert's arms, feeling cold as soon as he does. "How come he's here?"

"When I got to Rebecca's I saw all your calls and guessed something had gone on so I asked if we could change the weekend to here. She didn't mind, her and Ross have some concert thing they want to go to anyway. Besides he missed ya. I don't do cuddles as well as Daddy Aaron apparently."

--------

"So this is where you're hiding." He sits down on the steps beside her. The bottles beside her are still mostly full so hopefully he can actually get through to her. "Make you feel good does it, hurting Aaron?"

"Does actually."

"Funny...I used to think I could manage all on my own, didn't need anyone else. Without the gallons of vodka obviously, but yeah, I pushed everyone away, said all the right things to make it happen even though inside I was begging someone to stay, to see how much I was hurting, how much I needed them."

"I don't need anyone."

"Except you do, if only to pay the bills so you can afford that." He points to the bottles. "So why don't you talk to me because if I come home again and find you've spoken to Aaron the way you have today you might just find yourself truly alone. Trust me, you don't want that to happen."

"Aaron would never do that."

"Maybe, maybe not. Everyone has their breaking point and I truly don't think he's far from his. So go ahead, if you want to lose your brother forever then I'll give you some tips from when Andy and I hated each other. Or," He picked up one of the bottles, unscrewing the cap and pouring it onto the grass. "You can come home with me now, apologise, and then tomorrow, we'll go to Manpreet or Liam and get some advice."

"And if I don't?"

"I reckon it'll take about an hour to pack the car and then Aaron and I would be gone."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me. I love you Liv, you know I think of you as my sister, but Aaron is my number one priority, him and Seb and I'm not having him putting up with your verbal abuse any longer." He gets up, brushing off the back of his jeans. "I'll leave you to think about it. We'll be at home."

The walk back to Mill calms him down, ready to tell Aaron what he'd said. Liv was likely right, he doesn't think Aaron would ever abandon her, anymore than Robert would Vic, but something had to happen, had to change.

"Do you think it'll work?" Aaron asks him as they watch Seb playing in the garden a while later. There's been no sign of Liv but Robert could only hope she'd listened.

"I don't know, but if it does, then it's a start."

#robron fic #emmerdale spoilers #early ed lb #ok so I don't know if his tactics are good or not #but i figure it's soapy enough #but aaron will always come first for robert #and he wouldn't do a ben of just being on her side against aaron or whatever that is #so anyway it didn't actually go as i thought #but i hope it fixes something

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ash-and-books · 3 years ago

Photo

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: Perfect for readers of The Hazel Wood and The Night Circus, this lush and layered story about magic and the captivating power of dreams is delivered with acclaimed author Rebecca Ross’s signature exquisite style. A curse plagues the realm of Azenor—during each new moon, magic flows from the nearby mountain and brings nightmares to life. Only magicians, who serve as territory wardens, stand between people and their worst dreams. Clementine Madigan is ready to take over as the warden of her small town, but when two magicians challenge her, she is unwittingly drawn into a century-old conflict. She seeks revenge, but as she secretly gets closer to Phelan, one of the handsome young magicians, secrets begin to rise. Clementine must unite with her rival to fight the realm’s curse, which seems to be haunting her every turn.

Review:

A curse, dreams, revenge, and romance all packed into a wonderful book. The story is set in a world where the realm is cursed to bring nightmares alive and only magicians who serve as territory wardens can help stop these nightmares. Clementine Madigan has been raised to be the next warden for her small town, and has been working as her father’s partner to train for the position. However all that goes in flames when two magician brothers come and challenge her and her father for their position and win... leaving Clementine and her father homeless and without a position. Clementine vows revenge against these two magicians who had humiliated her and took away everything from her... and when the opportunity lands in her lap Clementine sets in motion her ultimate revenge. Clementine disguises herself as Anna Neven, a rather plan magician, and applies for the job position of being Phelan’s ( one of the young magicians who challenged her father) partner as a warden. She will discover his family secrets and use it to her advantage to make them suffer the same pain they had caused her and her family... except bigger things are at play and a larger curse awaits her. Her own family secrets will be unraveled and it doesn’t help that she is starting to fall for the sweet and caring Phelan despite being the enemy. There is also a strange knight who comes out during the nightmare battles who is bent on killing Phelan. Soon Clementine will have to decide who she sides with and what path she will take, and if revenge is what she truly desires. This was a fantastic read! The journey of Clem and Phelan was great and the whole magic system of nightmare fighting was fun and the overall curse was interesting. I really had a great time reading this and would definitely recommend it!

#book review #bookish #ya book #dreams lie beneath

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dear-indies · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please suggest your fave enby and trans faceclaims??

Trans woman:

Tracey Norman (1951) African-American.

BB Gandanghari (1967) Filipino.

Rebecca Root (1969)

Delilah Kotero / Vaniity (1973) Mexican [Purépecha].

Fallon Fox (1975) African-American.

Dominique Jackson (1975) Afro-Tobagonian.

Angelica Ross (1980) African-American.

Laura Jane Grace (1980)

Lea T (1981) Brazilian.

Janet Mock (1983) African-American / Native Hawaiian, European.

Zackary Drucker (1983)

Geena Rocero (1984) Filipino.

Anjali Lama (1984) Nepalese.

Our Lady J (1985)

Nong Poy (1986) Thai.

Juliana Huxtable (1987) African-American.

Choi Hanbit (1987) Korean.

Kiley May (1987) Cayuga, Mohawk - two-spirit and genderqueer trans woman - she/her they/them.

Amiyah Scott (1988) African-American.

Hailie Sahar (1988) Black, Latin, Indian, German, Jewish.

Jenna Talackova (1988) Czech / Babine.

Teresa / Teddy Geiger (1988)

Mila Jam (1989) African-American.

Ines Rau (1990) Algerian / Moroccan, French.

Alexandra Grey (1991) African-American.

Kevin Balot (1991) Filipino.

Alexandra Grey (1991) African-American.

Patti Harrison (1991) Vietnamese / White.

Jari Jones (1991) African-American.

Mya Taylor (1991) African-American.

MJ Rodriguez (1991) African-American / Puerto Rican.

Julie Vu (1992) Vietnamese.

Victoria Volkova (1992) Mexican.

Zión Moreno (1992) Mexican.

Liniker (1995) Afro-Brazilian - genderfluid trans woman.

Stef Sanjati (1995) has Waardenburg Syndrome.

Naina Singh (1995) Punjabi.

Loiza Lamers (1995)

Valentina Sampaio (1996) Brazilian.

Rinrada Thurapan (1997) Thai.

Trinity Anne (1998) Mexican.

Aaron Philip (2001) Afro-Antiguan - has cerebral palsy..

Josie Totah (2001) Palestinian Arab / Lebanese Arab, Italian, Irish, German.

Marina Matheus (?) Brazilian.

Elysia Crampton (?) Bolivian of Aymara.

Rain Valdez (?) Filipino.

Honey Dijon (?) African-American.

Satō Kayo (?) Japanese.

Danna Sultana (?)

Trans men:

Ian Harvie (1968)

Katastrophe / Rocco Kayiatos (1977)

Alex Blue Davis (1983)

Ice Seguerra (1983) Filipino.

Brian Michael Smith (1984) African-American.

Rüzgar Erkoçlar (1986) Turkish.

Aydian Dowling (1987)

Phuwaryne Keenan / Zee (1988) Indonesian, White.

Laith Ashley (1989) Afro Dominican.

Jake Zyrus (1992) Filipino.

Ryan Cassata (1993) - queer.

Sky Teotico (1994) Filipino.

Miles McKenna (1995)

Zach Barack (1995) Jewish.

Elliot Fletcher (1996) - has said it’s ok to use his images for roleplay but don’t mention his body! You can find all the asks under /tagged/elliot fletcher on our blog.

Lukas Alexander / Lukas Von Horbatschewsky (2000) Arab, White.

Jake Graf (?) Jewish.

Emmett Preciado (?)

Marquise Vilsón (?) African-American.

Kenny Ethan Jones (?) Black.

Rhys Ernst (?)

Casil McArthur (?)

Tyler Dichiara (?)

Dominic Anthony Green (?)

Non-binary folk:

Parisa Fitz Henley (1977) Afro-Jamaican - non-binary - she/they.

Jeffrey Marsh (1977) - trans genderqueer - they.

Azis (1978) Romani - non-binary - gay.

Ser Anzoategui (1979) Argentinian, Paraguayan - non-binary - they/them.

Bunny Michael (1982) Mexican, Samoan - genderqueer - they/them.

Nicky Endres (1982) Korean - they/them she/her - non-binary transfeminine, genderqueer, and genderfluid.

Asia Kate Dillon (1984) Ashkenazi Jewish / Unknown - non-binary - they/them.

Pidgeon Pagonis (1986) Mexican, Greek - intersex - non-binary - they/them.

Kiley May (1987) Cayuga, Mohawk - two-spirit and genderqueer trans woman - she/her they/them.

Nico Tortorella (1988) - genderfluid - they/them - queer & poly.

Jason Greene / Freckle (1988) Mexican, Unspecified Native American / Unknown - genderfluid.

Ciarán Strange (1989) - genderqueer - he/they- once reblogged a gif pack of himself and was super cool!

Arca / Alejandra Ghersi (1989) Venezuelan - non-binary - she/it.

Olly Alexander (1990) - non-binary - he/him.

ARROWS / angryarrows (1990) African-American - non-binary - he/her.

Annie Segarra (1990) Peruvian and Ecuadorian - non-binary - she/they - has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

Jes Tom (1990) Japanese / Chinese - trans non-binary - they/them.

Tyler Ford (1990) Black, Jewish - agender - they/hir.

Ellyn Jade / Jade Willoughby (1990) Ojibwe and Jamaican of Afro Jamaican, Taino, and British - two-spirit - she/her - not straight (otherwise unspecified) - has Nephrotic Syndrome and Celiac’s Disease

Jacob Tobia (1991) Syrian - non-binary - they/them.

Alok Vaid-Menon (1991) Indian - non-binary, gender-nonconforming, non-binary transfeminine - they/them.

Dorian Electra (1992) - genderfluid- they/them.

Ash Hardell (1992) - non-binary - they/he/she.

Mads Paige (1992) - non-binary - they/them he/him.

Miles Jai (1993) African-American - non-binary transfeminine - he/him she/her.

Sonny Kiss (1993) African-American - genderfluid - she/her he/him.

Ellie Desautels (1994) - genderqueer - they/them.

Tash Sultana (1995) - non-binary - they/them.

Travis Alabanza (1995) African-American, Filipino / Unknown - non-binary - they/them.

Quintessa Swindell (1997) Black / White - non-binary - they/them.

Blu del Barrio (1997) Argentinean - non-binary - they/them.

Chella Man (1998) Hongkonger, Jewish - deaf - trans genderqueer - he/him.

Hunter Schafer (1999) - non-binary - she/they.

Sivan Alyra Rose (1999) Chiricahua Apache, Afro Puerto Rican - genderfluid - she/her they/them - pansexual.

Vico Ortiz (?) Puerto Rican - non-binary - they, him, she, elle(x), el, ella.

+ everyone on the trans and nonbinary masterlists to be honest!

BOLDED those without accessible resources (100px+) so hint hint!

#fc help #rph #rpc #Anonymous

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jaymes-penrose · 3 years ago

Text

Ace of Cups

Chapter Nine: Effugium

Trigger warning: PURE FLUFF

Someone knows your location.

What will you name your baby?

Your windows were open allowing the fresh air to hit your face. It had been unseasonably warm staying in Springwood. You loved your home, your family. You watched as your beloved Bucky spoke to your ever expanding belly. You both had read it was good for the baby to hear their father's voice as well as yours. He was speaking Russian at the moment. You knew exactly what he was saying. Your mental connection to him having given you seemingly all of his skills and knowledge. You laughed softly.

“What sugar?” he asked in Russian.

“Just thinking that our little jellybean will be bilingual before even leaving the womb.”

“That’s my goal Doc.”

You played with his long silky hair as he continued his story to your baby. You relished these moments. They were quickly becoming your favorite part of the day. In the afternoon Bucky would read to your child, in the evening Sam would play music for them. For your part all you wished for your child beyond language, beyond musical ability, was they didn't inherit your connection to your gods. If they decided to learn magic then their uncle could teach them.

Your husbands made you so blissful that there were moments you'd forget about Ross and Stark and their henchmen. Natasha had informed all three of you that Ross had learned that you were enhanced, causing him to put you under the jurisdiction of the Accords. You wanted to explain to the council your powers come from your gods, not something like a serum or a freaky stone. You had known the risks in bringing a child into this environment, you wanted to give them a normal life. Normal was never in the cards. You were a witch. Sam is the Falcon. Bucky is a super soldier. Not even bringing your brother into the equation, normal was never going to be in your life.

You absentmindedly braided Bucky's hair as he sang to the child growing inside of you. His song ended and he looked up at you with blissed out eyes. “Have you thought of a name for this peanut?” he asked.

“I was considering Artemis Sarah for a girl. And Apollo Winter for a boy.”

“Winter?” he asked, you knew why.

“It's not what you're thinking Buck. It's the season where Hades and Persephone are together. A symbol of pure love.” You tell him easing his worries. “What we're you thinking?”

“Rebecca for a girl. Steve for a boy.”

“How about Marvin for a boy, and Sarah for a girl.” Sam says startling both of you. You get off the couch and greet him with a kiss. You look into his eyes and see sorrow, and reluctance.

“What's wrong?” you ask cupping his cheek in your hand.

“Tony is coming. Sharon told Steve our location is compromised.”

You put your head in your hand, you knew this day could come. Knew it was a possibility. You thought you'd been careful. You'd swapped out your phone. You used cash. You even have your name as Annie Brock at the doctor.

“How long do we have?” Bucky asked rubbing small circles on your back, trying to calm your anxiety.

“At most eight hours. At the least three.”

“Understood.” Bucky responds.

You move to go and pack your things but are stopped. “We can do it sweetness. We’ll be faster. And take only what is needed.” Sam says playfully pushing you down on the couch. While your men pack up your lives into the luggage you've got, Steve enters the house. You look him over, his blue eyes giving away the truth. You stand and go to him, his face looked weary, he'd even given up shaving since the fight in Germany.

“Was it me? Were we found because of something I did?”

“Yes. Your DNA was entered into the database of fugitives. You were flagged from your blood work.”

You let out a frustrated groan. “But I shouldn't even be on their damned radar. I'm not enhanced. The Accords shouldn't even touch me. What right does Ross have to do anything with my DNA. Once I have this baby, I'm finding him and I'm going to see if I can use my healing to harm. Sam and Bucky are good men, you’re a good man, Natasha and Wanda are good people. This isn't fucking fair.”

“Please calm down. It's not good for you or the baby.” Steve pleads. You take a few deep breaths. You'd rather not risk early labor getting upset by Ross and Stark.

“Where are we going? Is there a good OBGYN there?” you ask shifting your concern to your baby.

“We're going to my safehouse in Scotland. They didn't sign the Accords. Neither Ross or Stark have any jurisdiction there. We’ll find you a doctor. My niece will be healthy.”

“Nephew.” Sam corrects. You look at your husbands. You can see the sadness in Sam's eyes, you can feel it from Bucky's soul. You don't want to admit your fault in losing the home you’ve built. You do a quick personal inventory. Your phone is in your back pocket. You’re wearing your protective necklaces. You look at your empty right hand Sam rolls his eyes. “Your sling ring mama.” He says kissing your forehead.

Three hours into the flight you realize you can't keep the information from the men you love. Running nearly cost the life of your child. You'll not run again. “It was me. I should have known Ross would have my DNA flagged.”

“Mrs. Wilson-Barnes all you were doing was caring for our son. This isn't on you. It shows just how desperate Ross is to get us back in the prison. He knew going for us wouldn't work, we'd be too vigilant. So the bastard went after an innocent woman, and her child. Probably hoping to lure me into the open. But thanks to Sharon we don't have to think about that.” Bucky rises from the copilot seat and joins his family.

“Doc, we don't blame you. We had no reason to think they'd stoop this low.” Bucky says kissing your rings. You look into his calming eyes and float in their warmth for a moment before speaking.

“I love you both so much. Sam tell me what should we name our little peanut?” you ask taking your minds off of the situation.

“I just want our son to have a name that tells the world he's not one to be messed with.” You nod and take in his request.

“How about you James?”

“I’d love it if our little girl was named Rebecca for my sister.” You see Steve react to the name. You can sense a sorrow from him. One you guess from losing all he knew to the ice, to HYDRA. All three men look to you.

“I want a name connected to one of my gods.” You answer without being asked. You notice Steve engaging the autopilot. He rises from his seat and joins your family.

“I have an idea to make you all happy.” Steve offers, being careful not to overstep. He takes a breath. “For a girl Rebecca, and for a boy Bex.” He says. Both Sam and Bucky nod, liking the names. “As for middle names, Rebecca Hera, and Bex Apollo.” He says looking at you. Your face lights up, you stand and hug Steve.

“They're perfect.” You almost giggle out. You release your hold on Steve and look over at your beloveds. “Since you both disagree on the sex of our little peanut. How does this sound? If this is a girl then her name will be Rebecca Hera Barnes. However if this is a boy, his name will be Bex Apollo Wilson.” You say. Both of them smile.

“I look forward to meeting Rebecca or Bex.” Steve says. Suddenly your eyes burn with exhaustion. Since your third trimester started your energy level had been declining. The events of the day taking more out of you than you'd thought. Bucky looks at you and smiles at you. He can feel how utterly tired you are. He picks you up and brings you to the cot in the back of the quinjet.

“There's only room for you Doc. I wish we had better options.” He says laying you down softly. “Want either of us with you?” he doesn't get an answer as you’d fallen asleep. He kisses your forehead and pulls the blanket around you. He draws a curtain around you, giving you privacy as you sleep.

Sam goes to Bucky as he pulls the curtain around you. He takes the metal hand into his own, knowing Bucky is sensitive about it, showing him that it's not anything to be afraid of. “I know you liked that house.” He says pushing some hair out of Bucky's face.

“Home isn't a house. You, Doc, and Rebecca are my home.” He says kissing Sam sweetly. “I wouldn't care if we were living in a shack, as long as we're together.” Bucky looks from Sam to Steve. “In a perfect world we'd be setting up our lives in Brooklyn. But that world could never exist. I was always meant to be in this time with you and our wife. If it meant having you and her in my life, or never joining the army and suffering at the hands of HYDRA I’d suffer that pain a million times. Samuel for the first time in a long time I'm actually happy.” He says pulling Sam into a deep and passionate kiss. He holds Sam's head gently as they kiss for what seems like an hour. They breathlessly pull away and sigh. Steve having returned his focus to flying, much to their relief.

“Bucky, this world isn't perfect. We try the best we can to make it better. But you and sweetness and Bex are my idea of perfection. I’d never known how much love I was capable of feeling until you came into our lives.” Sam says pulling Bucky to sit next to him. He rests his head on Bucky's shoulder and sighs with pure contentment.

#marvel #bucky barnes #sam wilson #bucky x female reader #sam wilson x y/n

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no-goodbyes-no-regrets · 4 years ago

Text

flufftober day 24: terms of endearment

Hospital reunion (AO3 link)

Almost a year since they last saw each other, Aaron finds out Robert has been stabbed in prison.

(shh the prompt is in there if you squint)

------

Aaron had just stepped out of the house, on his way to the café to get his morning coffee and some peace and quiet, when he heard loud wailing coming from down the street. It took him a second to figure out where it was coming from, until he noticed Vic standing over Harry’s pram, waving some kind of teddy bear at him. Judging by the continued wailing, the little boy wasn’t impressed.

Aaron debated going over to see if he could help but figured one of the Posners would be along shortly to deal with things, and kept walking.

Only when he got closer, he noticed that Harry wasn’t the only one crying.

He felt bad. Even though he and Vic weren’t exactly close right now, she was one of his oldest friends, and they’d been through a lot together.

“Come on Harry, please stop crying.” Vic pleaded with her son.

“Hey you, are you giving your mummy a hard time today?” Aaron said to Harry, trying to distract him from his tantrum by tickling his tummy. It had always worked on Seb, but Harry was very different from his cousin and just started crying louder.

Aaron picked him up and gently bounced him up and down in his arms while making soothing noises at him.

“What’s going on with you two?” he asked Vic.

She shook her head.

“It’s nothing. It’s silly. I’ve just not been sleeping well lately… it’s almost been a year since…” she didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t need to, Aaron knew exactly what she meant.

“Yeah… I know. It hasn’t gotten any easier, has it?”

“No… and he still won’t let me visit. I wrote a letter and at least it wasn’t returned to sender… but he won’t see me.” Vic said, voice thick with frustration as she wiped the tears from her face

Aaron nodded. He’d tried to book a visit a few times after he’d received the letter in the summer, but to no avail.

“Do you want me to take this little guy off your hands for a couple of hours? I can take him for a walk and you can get some rest.”

“No, no I can’t ask you that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering.”

Harry had calmed down a bit and was only sniffling slightly against Aaron’s chest by now.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind…”

“Of course not. Harry and I will be fine, won’t we mate?” He asked the little boy. “We’re going to have a great time. Maybe we can go up to the farm to look at the pigs. Or we can go to the scrapyard and make fun of Vinny.”

“I suppose I could do with a few hours’ sleep…” Vic admitted. “Are you really sure?”

“Yeah, absolutely. Is all of his stuff in here?” Aaron nodded at the bag hanging from the pram handlebar.

“I uh… I’m not sure…I think so… I don’t really remember packing it.”

“No worries. If we’re missing anything we can always just borrow it from Seb or Isaac. They won’t mind.”

“Do you still have Seb’s things?”

“Of course. He’s going to need them when he’s coming to visit next weekend.” Aaron told her. “Rebecca is a lot easier to talk to without Ross in her ear. She’s agreed to let me see him. I’ve been up there a few times and I’m picking him up next Friday and he’ll stay the weekend. For his birthday.”

“I… I had no idea you were in touch again…”

“I haven’t told anyone. They probably won’t approve anyway… but that boy is mine too, whether Robert is around or not.”

Vic gave him a watery smile.

“I think Robert would approve if he knew.”

Aaron nodded and swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Well we’re all set now, right Harry? Say bye, bye to mummy.” He grabbed the boy’s hand and made him wave to Vic.

She smiled and kissed his cheek before doing the same to Aaron for good measure.

“Thank you. I mean it. You’re a saint.”

“Just being a good friend. I haven’t been that in a while.”

Vic nodded.

“Yeah… same here.” She said and turned to Harry. “You be good for uncle Aaron, ok? Mummy will be back in a few hours to pick you up.”

Just as she turned to leave, her phone rang. She took it out of her bag and glanced at the screen.

“Problem?” Aaron asked when he saw the frown on her face.

“No… just… unknown number.”

“Probably telemarketers trying to get you to subscribe to something.”

“Hello?” Vic answered. “Yes this is she. Who am I speaking to please?”

Aaron decided to hang around for a moment in case she needed anything.

“Yes Robert Sugden is my brother. Is everything alright?”

Aaron’s heartrate spiked at the mention of Robert’s name. He tried to read the look on Vic’s face and get her attention to figure out what was going on.

“He what?! When? What happened? How could that have happened? Is he ok? How bad is it?”

She clasped her free hand over her mouth and Aaron could see new tears welling up in her eyes.

“Vic? What’s wrong?”

“In the event of his… yes… I understand… Is he?”

“Vic?!” Aaron hissed, desperate to know what was being said.

“Oh thank god. Can I come down?”

A pause.

“Manchester?”

Another pause.

“I… I don’t know if he has a will…”

Aaron nearly dropped Harry in shock.

“A will?!”

Vic either didn’t hear him or ignored him and was completely focused on the phone call.

“Yes. Absolutely. I will be there as soon as I can. Who do I ask for?”

Another pause.

“Alright. Thank you. You too. Goodbye.” She said and hung up.

“Vic… what’s going on? Has something happened to Robert? Is he ok?”

“He… he’s been stabbed.”

“He what?! How? When? Is he ok? Is he… alive?”

Vic nodded.

“He’s alive… but it’s bad. They think it happened a few days ago… but he wouldn’t tell them anything. He hid it and tried to patch it up himself with a towel and tape.”

“He what? The fucking idiot!” Aaron swore, startling Harry in his arms. “Sorry. You didn’t hear that, mate. Don’t repeat that ok?” he turned back to Vic. “So what’s the deal now? Can we see him? Do you want me to check when the first flight to the Isle of Wight is?”

“No… he’s not there anymore. They flew him to Manchester because he needed specialised surgery they couldn’t do there… and it’s policy to notify the family in the event of an inmate’s death of grave injury…”

Aaron swallowed thickly.

“Manchester. Ok. That’s not so far. Can we see him?”

“I think so. They’re expecting me…”

“I’m coming with.” Aaron decided. “We can drop this one off at the farm with Sam and Lydia.” He put Harry back in his pram. “And then we’re going to Manchester. I’ll drive. I need to see my husband.”

Neither of them really spoke during the drive to Manchester. Aaron dumped his car in the first open spot he saw in the hospital car park, not bothering to check if he was actually allowed to park there. A parking fine would go nicely with the speeding tickets he’d raked up on the drive from Emmerdale.

“Did they say anything about where to go?” Aaron asked as he and Vic rushed into the hospital.

“Uh yeah. They said to just ask for Robert. Everything should be in their computer system.”

Aaron nodded and walked up to the information desk, trying to keep his cool and not yell at anyone to take him to Robert right this instant.

“Hi, we’re here to see Robert Sugden. He was brought in this morning.”

“One second please.” The woman behind the desk replied as she checked the computer.

Aaron knew exactly when she’d found him because the expression on her face changed from happy and friendly, to shocked and concerned.

“Right. I’ll uh… have to call up and someone will be down to come get you. Just wait here, it’ll only take a minute.”

Aaron thanked her, resisting the urge to yell at her that Robert isn’t some criminal.

A few minutes later a nurse and an armed police officer came to get Robert Sugden’s family and took them upstairs.

“How is he?” Aaron asked the nurse as they got on the lift, doing his best to ignore the guy with the gun.

“He’s still in surgery. His condition was critical when he was brought in.”

“Right. Critical. What does that mean?”

“Is… is he dying?” Vic asked carefully.

“We’re doing everything we can. Our best people are working on him.” The nurse settled on and took them to a waiting area. “I’ll come update you when I have news.”

They sat down and Aaron noticed that besides the armed police officer, they were the only people on the floor.

“Did they really clear out this whole floor for Robert?!” he demanded and got up in the officer’s face. “He’s been stabbed! What do they think he’ll do?!”

“It’s just standard procedure. Please calm down and take a seat.”

“Come on, sit down.” Vic grabbed his arm and dragged him back to their seats. “You’re no use to him if you get yourself in trouble.”

The more time passed, the more anxious Aaron got, and he started pacing. Much to the officer’s displeasure but he probably figured letting Aaron move around would be less of a hassle than trying to keep him in his seat.

Suddenly a door opened and the nurse from before came over to them. Neither Aaron or Vic really knew how much time had passed but Aaron was on his feet in an instant.

“And?!” he demanded.

“They’re just finishing up now. The surgery went as well as can be expected.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” the nurse started and then seemed to change her mind. “He got stabbed and it wasn’t pretty. He had multiple stab wounds to his abdomen and one deep one about here.” She pointed to an area on her side a little above her hip. “That was the reason he was brought here. Whatever they’d used had broken off in his body and done some damage to the veins and tissues there and nicked his kidney.”

“Ok. And now what?”

“They removed the part of the weapon that was used and managed to repair most of the damage.”

“Most?”

“Anything that needed fixing is fixed and the rest just needs to heal naturally. The main problem now is the risk of infection. The weapon obviously wasn’t exactly clean and the makeshift bandage he used wasn’t either. We’re going to put him on antibiotics and keep a close watch on him to make sure his wounds won’t get infected.”

“So he’s ok now?” Vic asked.

The nurse nodded.

“As ok as it gets right now.”

“Can we see him?”

“They’re still working on him now, but I’ll come get you when we’ve got him settled in a room.”

They thanked the nurse and sat back down.

“He’s ok.” Vic said, repeating the nurse’s words. “He’s ok. He’s not dying, he’s ok.”

Aaron only nodded, leg bouncing as he watched the door the nurse had disappeared through like a hawk.

About an hour later she came to get them.

“He’s still asleep but you can sit with him. He probably won’t be very coherent when he wakes up though, he’s on a lot of painkillers.”

“No change from his usual self then.” Aaron said, trying to lighten the mood with a poor attempt at a joke.

The nurse opened the door and let them in.

Victoria gasped next to him but all Aaron could see was Robert.

He’d lost weight and his hair was a little longer than it had been when he’d last seen him, almost a year ago. He was pale and he had deep dark circles under his eyes, an oxygen tube in his nose and all hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires, but he was there, and he was alive.

Before he really realised what he was doing Aaron moved to the side of the bed and leaned over to press a kiss to Robert’s forehead.

“What did you do…” he brushed his hair from his face and slowly moved his hand down his face, over his shoulder and arm, down to his hand. He gave it a little squeeze and sat down. “You just can’t stay out of trouble can you?”

Vic sat down on the other side of the bed.

“He looks tired.” She carefully grabbed his other hand.

“Yeah. I guess prison isn’t the five star hotel people think it is, after all.”

They sat with him for a while until he began to stir.

“Rob? Robert? Can you hear me?”

Robert slowly opened his eyes and closed them again right away, scrunching up his face because the light hurt his eyes.

Aaron quickly turned off the lights in the room, the only light now coming from the opened blinds.

“It’s ok. The lights are off. You can open your eyes.” He squeezed his hand and waited for him to look at him.

Robert opened his eyes again and looked around the room, blinking a few times to try and get some focus. He noticed Vic first.

“Vic?” he mumbled and Victoria gasped and tears started spilling from her eyes

“I’m here.”

He frowned and then must’ve noticed someone else holding his other hand and turned his head to face Aaron.

His eyes lit up but he still seemed to be confused on what was going on.

“Aaron?”

“Hey stranger.” Aaron choked out. “Long time no see.” He kissed Robert’s knuckles.

“Am I dreaming?” he mumbled

“No. No, you’re awake. Very much so.” Aaron felt wetness on his own cheeks as he kept Robert’s knuckles pressed to his lips.

Robert frowned as he tried to take in his surroundings.

“Hospital?”

“Yeah. You’re in hospital. You got into some trouble. But you’re going to be ok.”

It wasn’t long before Robert fell back asleep.

“I should get back…” Vic said, trying to make herself get up. “Harry is still with Sam and Lydia… I can’t ask them to keep him overnight.”

Aaron nodded and dug his car keys from his pocket.

“I’m not leaving him. You can take the car.”

“Alright. I’ll be back tomorrow. Tell him that when he wakes up, ok?”

“Of course. Can you tell Liv and my mum? Or maybe just Liv… Or maybe just Cain.”

“I’ll tell someone.” She promised and kissed Robert’s forehead before moving to Aaron’s side of the bed and pulling him into a hug. “We have him back.”

The next few days went by in a blur. The hospital staff had started to take pity on Aaron and gotten him a bed of his own in Robert’s room and served him meals like he was a patient instead of making him go down to the cafeteria or vending machines.

Vic came by every day, but unfortunately that meant Luke came with her too while Wendy looked after Harry. Aaron had put his foot down and demanded Luke wait outside Robert’s room. He still hadn’t quite let go of his grudge against him and his family.

By day four, the doctors treating Robert had decided to start to lower the dose of sedatives, which meant he was more awake, and with a little help, able to sit up.

“How are you feeling?” Aaron asked, taking his seat by Robert’s bed again. He’d stepped out briefly to update Cain on the situation and checking up on his plan. He was going to appeal Robert’s sentence and he was going to win, whether Robert liked it or not.

“I don’t know…”

“Are you in pain? Do you want me to get someone to give you more painkillers?”

Robert shook his head.

“No it’s alright.” He played with the edge of his blanket. “Why are you here, Aaron?”

“Where else would I be? I love you, you idiot. I care about you. You’re my husband.”

“I’m not though, am I? Not anymore…” Robert said softly, eyes cast down to his lap. “The decree absolute came through a few weeks ago…”

“I know. Nice anniversary present that was.”

“I didn’t plan it like that, I swear.”

“I know.” Aaron assured him. “But we didn’t need a piece of paper before to be married, and we don’t need one now.”

“I can’t do that to you… I have 13 years left on my sentence. I can’t make you put your life on hold that long. You deserve better. Better than me…”

“Can I be the judge of that?” Aaron said, taking Robert’s hand. “I choose you, ok? Every time.”

“But how can you? What kind of life is it to live visit to visit? The six o’clock phone calls… I remember what it was like when you were inside. It was hell. And that was only six week. This is thirteen more years.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do.” Robert pulled his hand away and looked like it physically pained him to do so. “I don’t want to be a burden. I want you to have the life you deserve. Meet someone, fall in love, share your life with them… forget about me.”

“Never.” Aaron vowed. “You are it for me. Have been for a long time in case you hadn’t noticed.” He joked.

Robert shook his head and wiped at his eyes.

“I can’t let you throw your life away for me.”

“Good thing I’m not then.”

“You should just go home.” Robert told him. “I’m still alive, I’ll be fine.”

Aaron got up from his chair and sat down on the bed next to Robert’s hip, careful not to mess with any of the wires or bump into his stitches.

“Listen, you’re it for me. You’re a nightmare, but you’re my nightmare. I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t want to meet someone else. I already met my soulmate. He faked a breakdown and kissed me five years ago on some layby off a country road.”

That got a small smile from Robert which Aaron counted as a win.

“But it’s thirteen more years, Aaron…”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve asked Cain’s solicitor to take a look at your case. She thinks there’s a good chance to get it reduced to GBH. The intent part is easily thrown out. And nowhere in any reports does it say Lee died as a direct result of what you did.”

“But… DS Wise…”

“Is dirty. He was working with DS Malone, another bad cop higher up the food chain than him. That Malone guy had an affair with Harriet apparently. Twice.” Aaron said and spent the next 15 minutes updating Robert on the village gossip.

“Wow… Mandy owns the salon and Tracy is pregnant? I’ve got a lot to catch up on when I get back.” Robert said and waited for Aaron to catch on to what he was saying.

“Wait, we’re doing this? We’re fighting this?”

“Yeah… I’m scared shitless that it won’t work… but… I’m willing to try.”

Aaron carefully leaned forward and kissed him.

“Good answer.”

#robron #robron fic #flufftober #aaron dingle #robert sugden #my writing #holy sh*t this got long #it was supposed to be #just a ficlet of 1000 words tops

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