#reason 4 lack of posts.. i was feeling so good & then it hit me lmao

[regretevatortism]

Ive been feeling so sick lately tf Ó⁠╭⁠╮⁠Ò

[fluxweeed]

hi i'm a grouchy old hag muttering to myself in my hut in the woods

1. not everyone finds it hurtful to find out that people are discussing their fic in private discord servers or on tiktok, actually. i for one passionately don't care that people aren't only mentioning my fic where i can see it. ofc i'm curious when one fic gets a sudden unexplained boost in kudos for a few days. am i HURT that i don't know exactly where the new readers are coming from? am i upset that the boost in hits/kudos isn't accompanied with a flurry of praise? am i sad that i can't jump into the discussion? i am not.

2. the messaging of "okay but you wouldn't post the fic if you didn't enjoy validation" makes me want to delete my ao3 immediately kasdjhfg. people post things for all sorts of reasons thank u!! my personal motivation is i'm trying to make myself feel better about making imperfect things!! the idea that by posting fic i'm inherently coming across as seeking praise makes me want to throw up. (since this discussion started, i've considered disabling comments on my fic for this reason – but i'm worried that move is so non-standard that it'll end up coming across even MORE that i want attention 😭)

3. i also pretty firmly disagree with "commenting on fic builds community!" personally i feel the community spirit when i'm in a server discussing which weasley has the biggest dick (percy). i don't feel it when people are being nice to me in my fic's comments. i'd almost go as far as to say community CAN'T be built when one person is praising another bc there's an inherent imbalance. sure, writers can mutually read and comment on each other's fic and become friends/community co-members that way, but what if u don't write? who's in YOUR comments telling u how great u are? idk about anyone else, but when i am in a community space (like a discord server) and someone starts being nice about my fic, i feel awkward; the focus shifts from a shared enjoyment onto something inherently UNshared, because one person is the creator and the others are readers. that's not to say that these interactions shouldn't happen, but imo it's disingenuous to say that's the core of fandom community.

4. i really can't stress enough how crazy it makes writers when they're writing for praise/validation. i've had conversations with very well-known drarry writers where they've been genuinely upset that nobody is reading their fic (the fic in question had hundreds of comments). i've had conversations with people who take part in fests, only to continually sort the works by stats and feel awful that theirs isn't at the top. i've had conversations with people who have had multiple devastating life events happen to them so they're struggling to write, and the lack of New Fic Comment Validation makes them feel 10x worse. i can't help but feel like if you ARE posting for feedback (or "recognition" or however you want to package it), it's genuinely not good for your brain.

5. obviously there's nuance to all of this! it's a big topic! i'm sure everyone experiences this differently! but notice how we're talking about it on tumblr, not in ao3 comments. it would probably be even more productive in a discord server. in a voice chat. you know – fandom community spaces like that.

6. can y'all keep the next round of discussions to like 700 words max pls lmao i have stuff to do

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[lazzarella]

I started watching Asian BL series at the end of January this year, so I'm still pretty new to them, but I thought it would be fun to post my top 10 so far, and then check in every now and then to see how it changes! At this point I've watched around 38 series, not including specials, etc. (16 Thai; 11 Japanese; 10 South Korean and 1 Taiwanese)

Anyway, the current top 10:

1. My Personal Weatherman (2023, Japan)

I've watched this 5 or 6 times now! Miscommunication (or, even better, total lack of communication) is one of my biggest weaknesses! I live for it! I often hate when characters talk their feelings out too soon (or sometimes at all lmao), so this is like... perfect for me! And their dynamic was so delicious too

2. Moonlight Chicken (2023, Thailand)

This was my first BL and so it was also my introduction to EarthMix (who I'm now obsessed with). It's always nice to see adults falling in love, but I think the contrast with young love was really nice too! But I definitely preferred the JimWen plot. Earth did a great job of embodying a character ten years older than he is and Mix was great too and I love how everyone actually looks sweaty and it's just a really beautifully made series

3. KinnPorsche (2022, Thailand)

This was the first BL series I ever heard of, I think! But I couldn't figure out how to watch it in 2022 for some reason, so it took me a couple of years to get there lol I'm going to be honest, it's not what I was expecting at all! Everyone kept talking about how dark and fucked up it is, but it's so funny and goofy!!! Like, there are dark elements, but the delivery overall is very silly to me (in a good way), and it's honestly one of the funniest things I've seen in my life haha and the romance between Kinn and Porsche is everything, really

4. Cherry Magic (2023, Thailand)

I did watch the Japanese one first and adored it, but there's something about TayNew and what they bring to these characters and romance that really had me hooked. Plus I prefer Jinta to Tsuge XD but this is just such a sweet and heartwarming show ;__; I wish it hadn't had the copyright issues because it's kind of a PITA to rewatch

5. Boys Be Brave! (2024, South Korea)

Full disclosure: I didn't care for the side couple but I'm OBSESSED with Jinwoo and Kisub. They're both low key weirdos and there's nothing more I love than weirdos finding love in each other! Plus, they're opposites attract, another favourite of mine. It's a very cosy and comforting series

6. Old Fashion Cupcake (2022, Japan)

Hit me right in the rapidly approaching 40 feels! I just... It's just gorgeous. Just so lovely! The romance is beautiful and it looks beautiful and the acting is beautiful! BEAUTIFUL!

7. Cherry Magic (2020, Japan)

I've found that, while I gravitate overall to the Thai shows so far, the Japanese ones make me more emotional? Maybe it's because they do the ~I'm not worthy of love thing so well. But this was so sweet and special 

8. A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021, Thailand)

There were some aspects that bothered me that kept it from being perfect, but it's a lovely story and Earth and Mix really have something special together onscreen (well, I love their offscreen interactions too haha) And I love the setting! And knowing this was Mix's first acting gig???? Incredible!

9. Cupid's Last Wish (2022, Thailand)

Didn't care for the side story with the aunt and uncle, and it gets a bit wishy washy toward the end, but I LOVE road trip stories and I love body swap and I think the way it was done here was really good. The transitions between Jan and Mix playing Win were SO well done and Earth gets to play a slightly more lighthearted character and there's a lot of lovely scenery and some cute cows! Plus, Jan and Mix are both so cute when they eat lol

10. Manner of Death (2020, Thailand)

As a life long lover of mysteries, I didn’t feel the mystery plot was particularly strong, but this series is kind of batshit and I love it. Plus smalltown mysteries are my jam, strong or not! And it has the most unhinged proposal I've seen to date

Aaaaannd that's it for now! I can easily see Wandee Goodday making its way into this list when I do an update (probably even my top 5)

Oh, but for fun, my average ratings by country:

Japan: 8.2; Thailand: 8.3; South Korea: 8.6

Which is funny because the South Korean ones have, overall, been less enjoyable for me lol but I've seen fewer so I think that the few highly rated ones have bumped the rating up haha

[queenofthyme]

Okay this is kinda funny to me but I actually just finished binging your fic (did a descendants marathon, started mid D3, got genuinely interested in RoR, read the rest with bleary eyes and bated breath into what is now 4 am) and. I. I kid you not I was internally lamenting the lack of spicy scenes because you wrote the teasing incredibly well and. Well. I wasn't going to say anything bc ppl are completely within their right to not write something BUT then I saw your post and now that I know(1/?

(cont) and now that I know that not only is it maybe an option but that you'd be willing to write it let me just say. On my knees pleading. I was craving some MalxEviexUma content and you wrote it *so incredibly well* and it was such a delight to read. I appreciate you taking the cheating seriously and I really like how you handled the variety of queer revelations happening in this fic. Genuinely it is because of authors who write characters so well like this that I feel less isolated in my experiences

(cont) especially since things revolving around my identity and sexuality have been pretty present the past few months, and it's almost relieving and somewhat cathartic to get to read characters experiencing similar situations and getting to be accepted and also get together with their beloveds. And also have gay (dragon/tentacle/) sex lol. I like how you took your time with each of the characters to make their conclusions feel natural and anything but rushed, and I really love what a good grasp (3/?

(cont) you have of their voices. I could hear each of them (especially Uma) distinctly in my head the whole time, and could visualize their faces and movements so well because of how you wrote them. Character voices are hard, so many kudos to you!!! You really did a good job staying true to them! Also, somewhat but also not surprisingly, I was not having an easy time finding content for the three of them (or even a few of them) and sometimes when you're low on fics the ones you find aren't the most polished, but yk you take what you find or you make it yourself! But!!! That is not the case here! You wrote a beautiful and enjoyable and fucking sexy fic that exactly hit the spot for me and was a thrill all the way through. You do not know how many times I had to keep myself from jumping ahead or reading to fast to enjoy it because I was so excited. Also the only reason I'm not commenting is bc I don't have an ao3 account set up for this blog yet so I'm bothering you in asks instead!

I would like to be very detailed in my appreciation of how you wrote each character but I seriously need to sleep and I'm probably taking up to much space, so let me know if I can come back and rant to you about your fic in your ask box or if you would prefer me waiting till I can comment on the fic itself :3Thank you SO SO SO SO MUCH for writing such a scrumptious fanfic and for sharing it with the rest of us! /Grins/ Have a delightful rest of your week!

(final. Sorry it got split up! Tumblr was being an ass and giving me a word limit so I switched for Easter so I didn't have to verify w every ask and it fuckin dropped both problems lmao)

This is how you leave a comment, folks. If it's not 4 asks in my inbox when I wake up I don't want it.*

People like @gayafsowhat who leave comments and asks like this are the backbone of the fanfic community. These asks have sat in my inbox for a like a week because there's literally no way to adequately express my gratitude so I'll just say simply: thank you. ❤️

Also authors, if you are hesitating about writing for a smaller fandom or rare pair, fucking do it. Yes, I get more kudos on my drarry fics, but the enthusiasm and support you get from people when you write for pairings with less content is equally fulfilling (if not more - see giant comment above holy shit!??!?).

*This is obviously a joke. For the record, I gratefully accept and apppreciate comments in any format. ❤️

[ninjagirlstar5]

Buddy you're like the Teruya person in my head, how would you rewrite his role/participation in Sdra2? (My guy deserved better)

...Ngl, I'm kinda happy to hear that you see me as the Teruya person in your head. I think about Teruya so goddamn much that I'm constantly writing about him and coming up with ideas for him and shit that I really want to share it with others. He lives rent free in my brain and I wouldn't have it any other way. So hearing that I am becoming known as the Teruya person to at least one person is, like, an astounding achievement for me, lmao.

But anyways, back to your question. I have ideas on how Teruya could've been more utilized in the story and hopefully it'll be better than what we actually got. That being said, uh, disclaimer that while I do think Teruya should've been handled better in SDRA2, these are just ideas I will be spit-balling off the top of my head while going through each chapter, and concept of good ideas =/= good execution. This is just how I would approach rewriting Teruya in SDRA2. With that out of the way, let's start from what we know of SDRA2!Teruya and what his arc is suppose to be, what didn't work, and then go from there.

So, from what I can tell with the direction LINUJ was taking Teruya, he was meant to be a character that did his best to help protect the SDRA2 cast despite being stuck in the killing game with them and was trying to prevent history from repeating itself, only to fail repeatedly. That's a pretty sad arc to go through, especially since he has to die at the end due to Mikado turning him into a fucking firewall that prevented anyone from interfering from the outside or even leaving from the inside and the only way to get rid of it is by dying himself. However, the main problem with how he's written and used is how woefully underutilized he is in the main story and when he IS used, it's executed in a way that pretty much assassinated his character to the point that no one with common sense would trust him in the story afterwards. Like I said before in my other Teruya post, the most I can remember of Teruya in the story is his useless Hope platitudes in Chapter 2, Teruya dipping out of the group and becoming nearly irrelevant in Chapter 3, going cRazY in Chapter 4 just because and no other reason which ends up dragging his character through the mud, and then he just...dies in Chapter 5. It's still sad and fucked up, but because he lacks character moments for himself and just a general role that allows him to bond with the cast and show how important he really is (no matter how little he thinks of himself and his skills in the killing game), his death just doesn't hit hard enough, especially on repeated viewings. Not to mention that his amnesia is obviously just a plot device to keep the characters from finding out about the Utsuroshima killing game's connection to the Proto-Killing game and to keep us, the players, in the dark about what Rei, Kinjo, and the Kisaragi Foundation was up to between games. Now, I'm not saying we need to stop the plot to know EVERYTHING they've been up to in the past, that would be a whole other issue. But as the story went on, the lack of information ends up being more of a flaw in the writing as barely know what things were like from Teruya's perspective and how he feels about Rei, Kinjo, and the Kisaragi Foundation. We have to take what little crumbs we can whenever he does share. Which is little to none cause, again, he just peaces out of the group in Chapter 3 and barely mentions either of them beyond just crumbs, so a lot of players end up getting blindsided by how Kinjo and Rei are written in SDRA2. Just because I can SEE the path that LINUJ is taking these characters doesn't mean that there's enough foreshadowing or information from Teruya, who literally knows BOTH of them that he could've shared stories of what they're like now but no, we're not allowed to know any of that, for the path to make sense from where we last left them off. We don't get enough of an explanation for Kinjo and Rei's development between games...well, in-game. So...how can we rewrite this?

Well, for starters, I'm getting rid of the amnesia plot. Like yeah, at first it makes sense to keep a returning character from solving the plot instantly, and so that the cast can remain in the dark. But after a bit of thinking and hindsight, this amnesia plot doesn't really help the story or Teruya's character. As the Mod from ASOOT mentions in these string of asks I sent, he's not a mysterious person as we already know who he is from DRA, especially for those that sat down and watched/play the game themselves. He's someone we're familiar with and we spent an entire game seeing him go through his first killing game, falter, make mistakes and problems for others, before deciding to do better by putting all his efforts into helping the group. Teruya is a character we know, so if he's here, that means that it directly relates to the last game's events in some way, and since he survived his first killing game, he's the guide our current cast can look up to for help. But he can't exactly do that if he's constantly just fainting every single time he's on the verge of remembering something. If giving him amnesia means giving LINUJ an excuse to write Teruya out of the group multiple times, I don't want it. It just prevents him from partaking in the group and forging bonds with everyone, so the fandom is left making their own interpretations of his relationships with them. It's not that I don't mind creative freedom in fanon (in fact, I love it, it's free real estate babyyyy), it's just that, in this case where the plot requires many characters to DIE, you need them to have some kind of impact on the characters and story. And that can't really happen if the bonds between the characters aren't expanded upon, or, God forbid, aren't there in the first place. So the amnesiac Teruya plotline has to go. (That being said, I'm sure there's someone out there that COULD make this plot point work in a better way, I'm just choosing not to go through with it.)

"But Star, wouldn't that mean that Teruya can just tell everyone about the Proto-Killing game without consequence?" Oh, don't worry! Just because Teruya doesn't have amnesia here doesn't mean he can just SAY what he knows out loud. For one, Mikado would NOT allow it and I bet you he would input a rule that prevents Teruya from speaking TOO much. It's not as if he CAN'T give out information, the problem is how much he's allowed to tell. The rule would probably go as follow: "Rule 17: Teruya Otori is allowed to tell only 1 piece information of his previous killing game to the class between trials. Any attempts to go beyond 1 will be given a warning and, if attempted again before a trial, can be punishable via death. This piece of information can be anything that happened or related to the killing game and will be refreshed after a class trial has taken place." This keeps Teruya from running his mouth to the group if he ever figured out the deeper connections Void has to Utsuro and how similar the Utsuroshima Killing game was to the killing game he survived from as pushing his luck will result in him literally dying a useless death. That would not be ideal, in Teruya and group's mind since he has information they don't and frankly they don't want him to die, and Mikado, too, since he does not plan to kill him until late into the game. Teruya also has to be very selective with what he's allowed to talk about and also has to figure out what would count to Rule 17 and what doesn't. Anything related to the Proto-Killing Game, especially when it comes Utsuro, the Tragedy, and even the Neo World Program, seems to count, but general advice on how to cope in the killing game and anything related to the ones who did survive with him, Rei and Kinjo, don't so he's at least allowed to talk about them freely to an extent. I'd imagine Teruya went as far as to make a list of what he could and probably couldn't talk about to the group and ranked them on what he would assume be the most important to talk about but leaves the most speculative things to the side as he'd want to gather clues to make sure it's related to the killing game. After all, assumptions can easily spread misinformation and he wants to try and advise the group the best he can, even when he's not allowed to tell them all he knows (at once). Not only that, Teruya may purposely conceal certain knowledge to try and minimize the target on his back cause, well, Void is out there in the group and if it becomes obvious that he knows too much about their plan, one of them might take action and try to murder him (much to Mikado's annoyance). It's not that he won't have it written down somewhere in case something happens to him, it's just that he doesn't know who to trust completely even as he tries to help the group. (I like to think that Teruya developed a habit in writing down what he knows so that even if he doesn't make it, his notes might help someone after his death.) So, basically, as time goes on, Teruya carefully reveals certain things about his past killing game whenever they find relevant information, but may struggle to decide when and what would be good to reveal in the moment and even regret it if he realizes later on that another piece of information would've been more helpful or that the information he gave out previously turned out to be useless. And since he has to wait for a class trial to happen in order to be allowed to reveal more, he's just a bundle of anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop and hoping that it won't happen (it does).

Onto the topic of Rei and Kinjo, I think Teruya's FTEs would've been a great way to have him tell stories about them and how he feels. I haven't reviewed his FTEs in awhile, but Teruya bonding with Sora through the stories of his own work would be very sweet, reminiscing on his past even as he's unable to talk about it clearly due to Rule 17 so he tries to work around it by being vague. And when he talks about Rei, he mentions how scared and frustrated he was of her at first due to her cold attitude and overall unpleasant nature but over the years of working together, they've not only gotten a lot closer but Rei seemed to have soften up a lot, although he asks Sora not to tell anyone that he said that since Rei would be...nevermind, it wouldn't matter now, would it? Sora would try to comfort him but he ends up rebuffing her efforts, saying that he wants some alone time, so she leaves as he quietly cries in his grief. Cause let's be real here, even without amnesia, Teruya would NOT be certain that Rei would have been able to escape in time. Sure, he can't locate the exit code Rei made, so that implied it was used...but did she use it in time? That was the real question. And since he saw what remained of her avatar's body, Teruya...isn't confident that she made it. He's fine the next time he and Sora hang out, apologizing for ending their time together so abruptly but Sora is understanding, saying that it's normal for him to grieve since he was clearly close to Rei. They continue hanging out and I'd imagine in his last FTE, Teruya brings Sora to his room to practice sewing together and he ends up opening up about his other friend that he survived with, Tsurugi Kinjo. Someone he cherishes dearly...but has grown concern for lately. Sora tries to pry, but Teruya remains vague, saying that it's not his place to talk about it, but he can say this much: something bad happened to him about six(?) months prior to this mission (cough, Tsurugi killing his dad event, cough) and he's been very distant from them. Teruya had been trying to be supportive, but lately he's been making...questionable decisions. Decisions that even Teruya has been uncomfortable with and is a bit worried about the decisions he's been making behind their backs. Sora digs, asking what he means by that and Teruya clarifies that being a leader of an entire organization fighting Despair isn't easy, he can tell. Teruya knows that Kinjo has good intentions, even when his methods are...extreme, and even made poor decisions in the past that has hurt both Rei and himself. But Teruya stuck through it for him because he knows that even good leaders can fuck up sometimes and does his best to understand his POV while trying to get him and Rei to see eye to eye. They tend to do that a lot. The fighting, he means. They've been fighting a lot on how the Kisaragi Foundation functions and the direction Kinjo has been taking it, so Teruya often has to step in and mediate between the both of them. He doesn't mind, he's just doing his job and his duty as a friend. He'd do anything to make sure they're getting along. But, still...he's never...intrude on HIS work before. He's hesitant to continue, but when Sora offers him a hug, he caves and lets her hug him. Teruya admits that Kinjo had taken out a bunch of money from the Kisaragi Foundation account, one that was a huge red flag as Kinjo had never done this before over the years. Not without telling Teruya what it would be used for and without his permission. He even confronted him about it, but Kinjo refused to tell him, saying that he had a "backup" plan in the works in case something goes wrong on the mission but that it wouldn't work if more people knew about it. It greatly worried him...but when Kinjo asked him to just trust him and it'll work out in some way as long as he was stopped, Teruya chose to agree. Sora is baffled as to why, but Teruya just says that Kinjo is smart. Smarter in ways that he'll never catch up to, same with Rei. And as frustrating as Kinjo can be sometimes, he...he is his friend.

And Teruya wanted to trust in his friend. Trust that he was being secretive for a good reason and that it'll all work out. Besides, it was only a backup plan. They might not even need it.

Despite his words, Sora can tell that Teruya seemed...exhausted. Like he's been through this song and dance one too many times, and just wanted to stop and rest. And yet, he kept smiling anyways, because he clearly cared so deeply about the people he has in his life. He was doing his best to be supportive of his friends, to be their rock in their hard times. Teruya then apologizes for suddenly venting to her like this, but Sora tells him not to worry about it. In fact, she'd rather that he comes and talk to her about anything cause he clearly puts up with so much. Teruya denies it, that's just what any good friend does, but Sora points out that while he IS a good friend, he also seems a bit tired and as his friend, it's her job to make sure he's okay, too. He's surprised by her words...but then he stares at her with so much love and care that it made Sora's head hurt. He thanks Sora, and she feels as though their bond is now unbreakable and nothing in the world could destroy it. (And these moments of Teruya talking about Rei and Kinjo's current selves should, hopefully, soften the blow of how they're shown and written later in the story when they appear.)

And now, finally, onto the actual Chapters. Let's start with Chapter 2...and tbh, I don't have too much issue with how Teruya was introduced (Mikado is being Mikado, what a shock), just remove the amnesia plot point, add and explain Rule 17, and have him be integrated into the group like before. Kokoro, of course, drags him away to have him protect her as she searches for Void members, and then, when he officially joins the group at breakfast, he gets bombarded by questions that he struggles to answer. Especially since Rule 17 would make it very difficult for him to decide on where to even start, let alone what information would be most important to tell. I feel like Teruya is the kind of person to make a mistake in trying to start in the beginning, but ending up wasting his one time use for the rest of the chapter, which he starts to kick himself for when he realizes that he could've told them this or he could've told them that since it was far more relevant. Either way, I think the best way to better utilize Teruya in general is to just...give him more shit to do. And I know the perfect role to give him: a mediator. It's a role that he apparently had back at the Kisaragi Foundation between Rei and Kinjo according to LINUJ in his concept art and I will forever be annoyed that this was never shown to us in-game, only told after the game is already over and in a place where not many people would see unless they went digging. And honestly, Chapter 2 would be a great start in showing Teruya's skills as a mediator by having him help convince the people who left the group out of fear of Void to rejoin them. Honestly, it's kinda weird how most of the members that left instantly came back after one day aside from the twins, but then again, Emma and Nikei were part of Void so they probably had their own agendas to attend to (Emma trying to stick to the plan while Nikei rejoins the group probably to avoid suspicion from either them or Mikado). But honestly, I think it makes more sense for the individuals to rejoin the group one at a time, first with Emma as she's more loyal to Void's plan and needs an excuse to get closer to Kokoro, then Nikei who might've needed more convincing to rejoin and hey, wouldn't you know it, Teruya is there to help! He may even help Setsuka in plotting to bring the twins back, although when the moment comes, Hibiki is a lot less receptive to him as while he's clearly not a Void, she still thinks he's suspicious because she's never even heard of the Kisaragi Foundation before and isn't sure if she can trust some shady place like that. That kinda hurts to hear even when he knows that she wouldn't remember due to the Neo World Program (not that she would either way due to the implications with Kanade in the Chapter 6 twists) and Setsuka has to step up to both comfort Hibiki and give her hope. With the twins back into the group, the rest of the Chapter 2 plays out the exact same way as while I love Teruya, I don't want him to come off as this perfect guy or anything. He should be allowed to make mistakes that ended up with dire consequences, and failing to focus his attention on Kokoro and Emma during their conversation is one such mistake. A failure of him unable to protect one of the smartest people in the group and falling for Emma's act as Kokoro, a betrayal to him and everyone else. He knew it was dangerous to believe in Shinji's reckless plan, he knew what it's like to be betrayed by someone you wanted to trust and befriend, knew that just friendship alone may not be enough to convince someone to turn back on a horrible decision if they're desperate enough. But he wanted to believe that just their kindness alone would've been enough. It should have been enough. Right? But it wasn't. And now, with the second Void dead, Teruya is reminded that he's being naïve in thinking that Void has the same standards as them, that if they already agreed to the plan of murder long before entering the killing game, then they could be just as dangerous as Mikado. Regardless on if they chose to side with him or not.

Chapter 3...needs a huge overhaul to the point that it'd be better off scrapped and started over with. But this post isn't about Kanade and her bullshit twists, so for the sake of my sanity, I'm gonna play this chapter loosely and just focus on Teruya. So, Teruya is just trying to do his part and help the group recover from the last trial. Thankfully, he's not doing this alone as Hibiki is trying to be more proactive in her support while Shinji is doing what he can as a leader to reassure everyone that they can get through this together. Setsuka, though, has been silent and distant from the group, which doesn't go unnoticed by Teruya and he goes after her to try and see what's up. Since we're seeing things through Sora's POV, we won't get to see most of these conversations since they happen off-screen but this at least gives an implication that Teruya is doing something important, even when we don't see him. I think there could even be a scene where Sora is walking around and accidentally ends up eavesdropping on one of Setsuka and Teruya's conversations, with Teruya trying to get her to open up. He's not pressuring her to take up the role of being a leader again when she's not feeling up for it, but he does want her to know that she can rely on the group just as much as they can rely on her. While Setsuka is receptive to his advice, it's kinda obvious that she's not going to tell him (or anyone else) what she's been up to lately...at least, not yet. She just asks him to trust her since there's something she has to do but it needs to be a secret, so he has watch over the group without her for the time being. Teruya, skeptical in his silence, eventually agrees but tells her to be careful since Void can be anyone of them and Setsuka just says that she knows, and even points out that hey, she could be a Void, too, you know? But Teruya denies this firmly, although he doesn't explain why, just saying that out of everyone in this group, he finds her to be the most trustworthy (hint, hint, wink, wink). Setsuka is moved and thanks Teruya for saying that before they part ways, with Sora somehow managing not to get caught. How lucky. Then, Shinji tries to get everyone on board with his "Befriend Void" plan again, but Yuki, being depressed and becoming more cynical (no thanks to Utsuro slowly taking control of his brain), pushes back on this plan and surprisingly, Teruya actually backs him up on this although it's less because of the "nothing we do matters" argument and more out of a practical reason of, "can we even trust members of Void when one of them still killed anyways despite Mikado's betrayal revealed to them?" Even if they do befriend Void, they don't know their motive for the killing game and without knowing for sure what it is, they can't be certain that it'd be something that's fixable or if it's something they're so desperate for that they'd still choose to betray them anyways. After all, betrayals hurt the most when it's someone you know. Shinji, however, ends up snapping back at both of them, going on about how he has to keep a smile on his face to reassure people he rescues as a firefighter cause if he doesn't, then it'll only scare and panic them further. He has to do this because there are people that need to be helped and he's firm in his plan because he thinks that the members of Void need help, too, and he's not going give up on them just like that. Both Yuki and Teruya feel a little moved by what he said, and Teruya admits that he does want to keep trying but they all need to understand how dangerous it is as they still don't know who else Void could be. The group reassures him that they'll be more careful going forward, even going as far as to promise to stick together as a group or at least in pairings. Teruya, feeling like he can trust them to keep their word, agrees and they all part ways from there to continue their investigations.

When they arrive on the island and Teruya gets the photo from Rei from the outside, he immediately goes back to the group and this time, he's actually willing to explain what the photo is about: the 79th Class of Hope's Peak Academy, his classmates...and the participants of the Proto-Killing Game. He gives a recap on what happened for those who didn't play DRA can be in the loop but also keeps it brief for those who did, but he also takes the time to gush about his old friends in one sentences since God, he loved them so much and misses them to this day, but tries to stay on topic. This is probably around the time when someone goes, "Hey...doesn't these events sound a bit...similar to our game?" And then the group points out how the last two cases were structured, with the first case having a split on whether or not the culprit is a girl or a boy and the second case having someone who turned out to be "two-faced" betray and attack someone (although in this case, Emma technically succeeded in her murder even if she got caught while Kizuna became the victim instead). It's clearly not one-to-one to the events that Teruya experienced as some details don't line up (especially with the second case), but the core premise is still there and the gears are starting to turn in Teruya's head, although he's not sure what to make of it. For all they know, it could just be a coincidence...right? But Hajime mentioning that he was "required to cause a split between the girls and the boys"...and Emma accidentally messing up the plan only to receive approval from Mikado anyways since it lined up pretty well regardless...They still needed more clues but they were starting to put together a full picture as Sora points out the ripped part of the photo. Teruya admits that he wasn't sure why it has that but he does know who was taken out of it - only for Mikado to suddenly appear and wrench the photo out of his hands with the most furious face he's made yet. The group tries to get it back, but Mikado burns it to keep them from knowing any more than this and disappears, muttering about how he needs to move the timetables up thanks to her. Teruya, distraught that he lost yet another photo of his deceased classmates, apologizes for losing their clue and letting Mikado get the best of him but the group reassures him that it's okay. It's then that Monocrow drops by, saying that even if Mikado didn't get involved, he was going to pop in to prevent Teruya from talking about the mastermind of his killing game due to already using up his one-time use of sharing information. A little pissed off now, Teruya says that he's going to the library to do some research and leaves, with the group deciding to give him some space for the time being. Later, Mikado brings out the motive videos and it plays out like in canon, although I'll admit, I don't know what Teruya's motive video would be. Just that he's shocked that Mikado even knows about it and gets pissed off that he tried to use it as his motive video and then leaves, too angry to help the group in his current state of mind. And genuinely speaking, I'm coming up with a blank for this one. Maybe it was a mission that went wrong between Teruya, Rei, and Kinjo and Mikado is trying to imply that Teruya didn't know the full truth about it but the implication only pisses him off cause he believes that he knew everything about that mission and he trusts that no one had lied about it, so no one was fully responsible for what had happened...at least, he thinks so. Either way, the motive videos don't really come up again after Chapter 3, from what I remember, so this kind of ambiguity doesn't need to be answered. Teruya's reaction to it is more than enough to understand how he feels about this motive. He does, however, arrive to breakfast on time, apologizing for leaving so abruptly last night when he probably should've stayed behind to help calm everyone down. They all accept his apology, although Hibiki clearly isn't looking too hot and Setsuka once again asks everyone to meet up for the parade later that evening.

After getting filled in on the details, the group goes to do their own things as they wait for the parade. When they all arrive, Setsuka is nowhere to be seen but are reassured when she messages them moments later to tell them that something came up and that she'll be a little late. So they're all waiting for her, which is when Teruya shows up, asking if this is all of them as he takes note of who's here. When the group says yes, Teruya quickly grows concerned. Sure, Kanade says that Hibiki is resting in her room and he trusts her to be honest since that's her sister, and they're not exactly including Mikado and Syobai since neither of them are trustworthy in the first place, but...where's Setsuka? Has no one considered going with her? They all admit that they haven't seen her all day. Which is when Teruya...kinda explodes on them with a giant "WHAT?!" This surprises everyone and they reassure him that she's fine, she just messaged them, but Teruya doesn't care about that! He cares about the fact that Setsuka is alone and hasn't been seen since this morning alive and well. And while she may have messaged them, who's to say that's actually her? Teruya may not be very helpful in the trials, but his memory is good enough to remember the details, and it's been proven by Emma that people other than the user can use each other's handbooks as long as they at least have the owner's fingertip. How can they be certain that Setsuka's okay? How can they be certain that she's alive? How can they wait around for a fun event when Void has taken the opportunity to use them for their murder plans TWICE IN A ROW?! As soon as Teruya is done with chewing them all out for failing to keep an eye on each other (including himself), Sora speaks up, saying that Teruya is right and admits that she's been having a really bad feeling in her gut for awhile now. It doesn't take much to convince everyone else to agree, and they all split up into pairs at Teruya's insistence to cover more ground while also making sure no one is alone. With each unsuccessful search of each location, they all grow more and more frantic, and thanks to the parade that starts not long after, it becomes very hard to keep an eye out for Setsuka and each other, let alone hear each other over the noise. But eventually, they do find her...At least, they find her corpse. Needless to say, Teruya is heartbroken to find that he was right and lost one of the few people he knows he can trust, Hibiki is shellshocked at losing her best friend, and everyone has to go through a third trial. I don't have any ideas on how this murder trial would go as of writing this, but again, this isn't about Kanade. All you really need to know is that Hibiki lives and Kanade dies, good riddance. And Teruya is deeply frustrated at how useless he was during that trial, that he was unable to protect Setsuka from a monster like Kanade. As if making up his mind, he leaves swearing that he'll protect them all, no matter what.

I'll admit, I don't...remember much...about Teruya's role in Chapter 4 aside from being fucking crazy. And that one moment where he cries over Haru and Satsuki's statues, which, you know, ow. That really is depressing. But, uh, one question: why the fuck would Nikei have Syobai keep those statues when the entire point is to prevent Utsuro from coming back as one final act to spite Mikado? As good as this scene is from what I can recall, this also makes Nikei dumb as fuck just leaving those statues where they are and there's no actual explanation as to why Syobai wouldn't take them out if he's being paid to do this cause say what you will about him being a shitty person, at least he doesn't half-ass his work when he's being paid unless other circumstances prevent him from accomplishing the job he's set out to do (or if he gets bribed). But, whatever. I'm not here to fully revamp or rewrite Chapter 4, I'm just here to explain what I'd do with Teruya here. And I don't remember enough about Chapter 4 to really make a concise plot-to-plot moment with him and the cast as I haven't played through Chapter 4 myself as a reminder, so I'm just going to try and summarize what I'd do with him in general. SO basically, after Chapter 3, Teruya, feeling as though he can't trust the group now that someone like Kanade existed (who wasn't even a VOID and she still murdered someone, before and after joining the killing game) and that they're not taking it as seriously as they should've despite losing six people at this point, decides to take full control of the group in an effort to protect them and also to compensate for his own insecurities on feeling useless as while he's great as a mediator, he still sucks at the trials and he's been berating himself for not being like them a.k.a. Rei and Kinjo. So now he's trying to take control of the situation by putting himself in a position of power and not just the mediator. Problem is, Teruya is constantly micromanaging everyone's decisions: if they're going to investigate somewhere, they need to ask him for permission, no one is allowed to move around alone EVER, he'll constantly ask where everyone is even when he just saw them, it's...a whole thing. And while the group is trying to be understanding, they're also really stressed cause uh, yeah, they ARE aware of the situation and nothing they've been doing has been working so far! Tensions are high, arguments are spilling out between Yuki and Sora, Shinji's friendship plan doesn't seem to be working out, Yoruko is stressed trying to keep the peace and is snappier than usual and she's struggling to keep an eye on Hibiki, who has completely shut herself away, since she KNOWS she can't be alone right now as she's helped many people through their dark times as a hostess to recognize the signs that hey, she, uh, might do something here, and Teruya isn't helping with how he's constantly breathing down everyone's neck over every little decision and- oh hey, it's Nikei. Oh, he has something to tell us, wait what the fuck do you MEAN you're a part of Void-?! And the fallout that causes.

It's not constant drama, thankfully. Teruya may not trust Void at all at this point, but he's willing to try and mediate between the group and Nikei when he makes it clear that he's revealing himself as a member of Void because he's choosing to betray Mikado and refuses to work with him anymore (although his intentions aren't as good as he claims). It's the role he best plays as, after all, and since Nikei isn't tied down by Rule 17, they may be able to get plenty more information out of him than they can with Teruya, who's forced to be selective with what he reveals between trials. And Sora is trying to keep her own morale up by hanging out with everyone one-on-one and trying to get Teruya to chill out a little bit with the constant micromanaging by setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries that Teruya is struggling to respect because he's gotten really paranoid after Chapter 3 and doesn't want to fail anyone else, like he did with Kokoro and Setsuka, so he ends up pushing them anyways. He doesn't want anyone to be alone, to get hurt, or killed. He just...he just wants everyone to be safe. Teruya is just a mess, is what I'm trying to say here.

Teruya doesn't even need to have the gun (if the gun is even HERE in this Chapter) to cause conflict, let alone cross that line at pointing a gun at everyone cause we don't need to make him lose his fucking marbles. Just have him be more controlling in a twisted attempt to keep everyone safe, only for it all to backfire on him because his constant micromanaging is ruining everyone's morale, productivity and increasing their stress. The calmest of times seems to be when they're exchanging information with Nikei and when they're cooperative with Teruya's orders, and it's almost pleasant. But whenever Teruya's controlling paranoia rears it's ugly, that's when tensions get high again and it starts to become a cycle. A cycle that Nikei probably took advantage of in the background for his own plans. Eventually, it all comes to a head at some point where it's Teruya's turn to get snapped at by Yuki, who tears into him for his micromanaging, which is fair as that has done more harm than good, but then takes a step too far, saying how everything he's done up to this point hasn't been helpful at all and that an idiot like him should've never survived his killing game. Which naturally earns him a slap from Yoruko and a yell from Shinji as that was TOO far, no matter how bad Teruya's decisions have been after Chapter 3. He should've never had said something like that as that's insulting to his own survival and his friends that had died horrible deaths that he has to live with for the rest of his life. Just when it seems like Yuki is about to double down, Hibiki, who has finally started to recover thanks to Yoruko and Sora reaching out to her, speaks up and pleads with Yuki to stop and realize what he's saying. His criticisms on Teruya's micromanagement is valid and all but he's also using his status as a survivor against him, hurting and blaming him for things that were either a simple mistake or completely out of his control. It wasn't his choice for Emma to snap and hurt Kokoro before going through with murder nor was it his choice that got Setsuka killed, that was...that was all Kanade. He's done a lot of good for them, too: he tried to give them advice to help cope in the killing game, he gave them information even when he couldn't tell them everything, he's mediated many of their conversations to help them agree on what to do...Teruya has helped them so much and kept the group together plenty of times. Sora also speaks up, saying that while Teruya may not be at his best right now, that doesn't mean everything he's done up to this point hasn't helped them at all. And it's not like most of them have been at their best either. This...actually gets Yuki to sober up, quiet for a moment as he processes their words and finally apologizes for his behavior. He admits that he hasn't been feeling like himself lately, I wonder why, and with everything happening all at once, he's been struggling to take care of himself. Everyone can't blame him for that, even when there have been things that shouldn't have been said, and Yoruko suggests that maybe he shouldn't force himself to investigate for awhile. They're all tired but especially him, and he should lay down and rest. Yuki is hesitant but Shinji backs Yoruko up on this, saying that even firefighters need to take a break from work every once and awhile and that there's nothing shameful in that, which is enough to convince him to go to his room and rest. That's when Hibiki realizes something and asks where Teruya went, and a look around the room reveals that Teruya had disappeared at some point in the conversation. Sora, thinking that Teruya might be suffering as well, decides to go look for him and Hibiki and Yoruko immediately decide to join her. She asks if Nikei, who seems a little pale, will be coming with them but he immediately snaps out of it and says no, he'll just join Shinji and Yuki instead so they can investigate together later. Iroha (who I have not mentioned at all up to this point, oops) fumbles but ultimately goes with Sora's group instead and they split.

Sora and co. find Teruya by one of the destroyed statues, ones that he can tell were meant to be Haru and Satsuki from the remains but for some reason were left in this state (most likely due to Nikei's meddling through Syobai), sitting and just having his head in his hands. They're careful as they approach him, Sora asking if they can talk. Teruya just waves in a way that says, "Do whatever you want," and the girls try to give him space as they get closer. Yoruko asks him about how he feels and Teruya just says that he feels like shit, everything he does is shit, and he's just so sick of every shitty thing that has happened in this stupid fucking killing game. Iroha tries to cheer him up with her twisted sense of toxic positivity, only for Teruya to snap at her that there's nothing for him to be happy about right now. That shuts her up pretty quickly but he apologizes for snapping at her. It's just that her positivity isn't helping him right now. Iroha ends up not saying a single thing afterwards, unable to come up with anything to help...and perhaps, feeling a little guilty for something she hasn't told anyone else. Sora asks if this is about what Yuki said, and Teruya, after a few minutes, slowly admits that's part of it but also cause he's just...questioning why he's even here. Why, out of all the amazing people he knew, did he survive when there are so many other people that could do better than him. Yoruko knew Yuki's words stung deeper than it should've but Sora steers the conversation on topic, asking why he thinks he shouldn't have survived when he did so much for them already. But Teruya doesn't believe that, saying that if he was so useful then none of these murders would have happened, that his role as a mediator would've kept people happy or at least keep them calm and rational as they try to contact the Kisaragi Foundation or wait for them to arrive. But it didn't. The murders still happened anyways. He messed up in protecting Kokoro, and he couldn't protect Setsuka even though he knew she was important and never figured out Kanade's true nature. Hibiki cringes and he notices, apologizing for dropping her name out of nowhere like that, he's just...He's so tired. Tired of just losing people he loves and cares for and constantly getting betrayed by those he trusts and...He's just fucking tired. The girls are quiet at that, as everyone can relate to his words. Hibiki just sits besides him and then carefully lays her head against him, saying that she misses Setsuka, too. That actually gets Teruya to break a little, crying as he never wanted to hurt anyone like this. He just didn't want to lose another person. He didn't want to lose another friend. He didn't want to repeat his mistakes, so he...he tried to emulate someone he knew and respected, Tsurugi Kinjo, but tried to tone it down because he knew his methods were very extreme and didn't want to completely ruin their trust in him. The fact that this is the toned down version kinda scares Yoruko and she sees it more like a red flag but Teruya defends him, saying that while he's not perfect, he's done a lot of good, too, and for that, Teruya respects him. But aside from that, he apologizes. He truly, deeply apologizes for his actions, realizing that all he did was tear the group apart and has been nothing but useless to them when it matters most. But Sora rebuffs those words, saying that while he has his flaws, made his mistakes, and has his weaknesses, he has plenty of strengths, too, and has been doing everything in his power to help everyone. His way of understanding both sides of an argument and mediating between them has brought many of them closer together, he's helped Setsuka and Shinji bring members of their group back when they were starting to fracture, and he's brought up valid points whenever they started to become negligent in protecting each other. Teruya doesn't have to be like someone else to help everyone, he can just the best version of himself.

Yoruko pitches in, saying that there's nothing wrong with striving to be a better person than you were before but if he's constantly setting an impossible standard, then he'll never be happy with himself. Iroha can't bring herself to say anything. Teruya is silent for a moment but he does agree with them. He really does. It's just...he often feels like it's never enough, just by being himself. There's one last thing Sora wants to ask and it's why Yuki's words seem to hit Teruya harder than everyone else's. Sure, he's said something awful, but it's not like no one else gave him similar criticisms during the whole chapter. Teruya just sighs, saying that he might as well use up his one piece of information up now since thanks to Nikei, they were able to gain far more insight into Mikado's plans without any problems (although there are probably some things that Nikei kept to himself). One of these things is the Neo World Program they're in right now...and the motive for the entire killing game: the revival of Utsuro. Sora feels like her head is cracking open but she manages to keep herself together as she asks him which one he plans to talk about. He chooses to talk about Utsuro since he admittedly doesn't understand the Neo World Program that much and while Nikei clearly knows OF him thanks to all of Void having been blessed by him at some point in their childhood, he's never actually MET him, unlike Teruya who was a victim of the Despair and had his entire life turned upside down thanks to him. Hibiki asks how this is relevant to Yuki and Teruya explains that this more than relevant to him because Utsuro stole his identity to infiltrate the 79th class. This shocks the girls (yes, including Iroha cause she didn't realize the extent of what he did cause she wasn't paying attention) and Teruya goes on that their appearances to each other were eerily identical, from their faces to even their own voices. He knows this because he's talked with him, interacted with him, tried to get him to play with him and the class...he even got to know him when he gave himself false memories of Yuki Maeda and believed himself to be the real deal in the killing game. Utsuro...no, the Yuki Maeda back then...Teruya considered him to be an actual friend of his. A friend that was erased thanks to Utsuro, just like all the others. Hibiki is extremely uncomfortable to the point that she looks ill and Sora feels as though this headache is going to kill her. Yoruko asks how that is true if Yuki is, well, here? And Teruya explains that in their investigations, they found out that the real Yuki Maeda, the one that's in this killing game right now, was actually still alive for some reason but before they can retrieve him to wake him from his coma, he had been taken away from somebody and eventually they found out it was Mikado after a bit of digging. Teruya doesn't know why Utsuro had spared him but the point of the matter is that Yuki Maeda is real, he's alive, and Mikado had plans to revive Utsuro somehow through a killing game and that was just a disaster waiting to happen. So they tried multiple times to stop him but somehow he was always one step ahead, and Teruya entering the simulation with Rei was one of their last ditch efforts to stop his plans before it could get started, which...well, they all know how well that went. As for why Yuki's words hit harder, well, it's simply because he felt as though he knows him even though they've never technically met before the killing game. It's stupid because he knows the Yuki back then and the Yuki now are two completely different people, but they're just...so damn similar that he struggles to keep them separated. So when Yuki yelled at him like that, he felt as though someone he knew for a long time was genuinely getting hurt by his actions when he's supposed to be better and when he stopped, he noticed his expression. The way he just...looked like Utsuro in that very brief moment. Teruya had to get away after that as he didn't want to do something stupid that could end up breaking the rules.

This...was a lot to take in, and Sora thanks him for telling them this. But she also suggests that he should lay down and rest, since this entire situation is clearly getting to him. Teruya clearly doesn't want to, saying that he has to keep an eye on everyone, but Hibiki notices something and asks if he's slept at all. This confuses everyone until Hibiki suddenly reaches up and wipes something off of his face, revealing that he was wearing makeup underneath his eyes which had bags underneath. Almost immediately Sora starts wiping the rest of his makeup off, much to Teruya's horror and Yoruko grills him on why the hell he has bags. Forced into a corner, Teruya admits that he had been keeping a lookout at the Monocruise while everyone was sleeping, making sure no one had left their rooms to plot a murder during nighttime. But because he'd been doing it all by himself, he's been practically working on fumes for days and suddenly his worsening attitude and bad decisions made a whole lot more sense as he had been sleep deprived the whole time. Yoruko is both creeped out that Teruya stayed up the whole time and a little hurt that he trusted them that little, but Sora actually defends the notion, saying that two out of three of the murders so far were prepared for during the night so it wasn't bad idea. The problem is that he did this all by himself at the cost of his own health and sanity. Which means that he MUST rest now cause holy shit, no ifs or buts, the girls will not allow him to ruin his health and sleep schedule any longer. Teruya, knowing full well that he has no choice in the matter or else he'll suffer the wrath of the girls, acquiesced and they bring him back to his room to rest. He splits from the girls the moment he's inside and realizes how dogshit tired he REALLY is and decides maybe he really does need sleep. So he lays down in his bed and immediately crashes.

And, since the universe hates him, Teruya wakes up to a Body Discovery Announcement. Any sense of exhaustion flies out of his body, he goes down to the scene, praying that he didn't hear what he just heard...but, nope. It's Shinji's body and Teruya just...shuts down after that. Again, I don't have any ideas on how I would change the murder trial, but something I noticed in the Chapter 4 trial is how...quiet Teruya is. Like, you know how some people just become silent on the outside but on the inside they're going through the most emotional turmoil they've ever had? I think that's what Teruya was doing during most that trial and God, that hurts to think about. Anyways, Nikei gets revealed as the culprit, it turns out that he had been trying to manipulate them all to get Yuki Maeda killed but Shinji somehow figured him out and tried to stop him in an attempt to protect him, he tries to kill Yuki as a last ditch effort to ruin Mikado's plan but fails when Teruya and Sora intervene because they're determined to protect Yuki no matter what, and he gets dragged off to his execution. The group's dynamic starts to crack once more, with Yuki becoming more like Utsuro, Yoruko and Sora having their falling out due to her secrecy, Iroha running off to the bathroom most likely to cry, Hibiki desperately trying to get everyone to stay and Teruya is left reeling from the events of Chapter 4...but the twists weren't over yet as Sora knocks on his door, asking to come in so they can talk. Teruya reluctantly lets her in but admits that he's not in the right headspace to give any kind of support right now. Sora says that's fine since she mostly came to him to give him something: an exit code from Rei Mekaru. Teruya is shocked, asking where she even got this and that she better not be bullshitting him about Rei, which Sora awkwardly says that she might've fallen from a pretty high place but somehow managed to survive through pure damn luck as she fell into a place that somehow broke her fall without breaking a single bone. Probably due to the weak coding that Nikei purposely changed up. Teruya is confused on how that even works but Sora just shrugs and says that the point is that she just so happened to cross paths with Rei Mekaru trying to get into contact with anyone and when Sora responded, she immediately transferred this code over to her handbook and asks to bring it to Teruya before the connection cut out. Teruya, relieved that Rei actually survived and realizing he could get out with this, asks Sora for it but she actually gives him a condition. A condition that left him reeling:

"Tell me about Akane Taira."

Chapter 5 I don't have much to complain about from what I can recall so let's just get this show on the road. The Chapter starts off the same with Teruya saying that he wants to hold off a little while longer on telling her, even if it means being unable to leave just yet since Sora didn't want to risk him leaving without telling her anything, the group arriving to the 5th island (but this time with Hibiki), Mikado blows up the Monocruise and then dips, and the group ends up splitting up due to their fractured dynamic. Sora goes around investigating like usual, but after a day, she ends up crossing paths with Teruya. Surprised to see him, she asks what he's doing and he admits that he's been looking for her and was wondering if they can walk and talk. She agrees and they go around the city to investigate, although they're somewhat half-hearted about it. He asks how her investigation has been going and she admits that she found an interview with an older Yuri that shouldn't be possible, but that's about it so far. Teruya admits that it is possible but won't go into details as he still wants to hold up his end of the bargain by not wasting his one-time use. Sora asks if he's here to accept the condition but he says that he's not going to do that just yet but for good reason. For starters, he wants to make sure the group is back together before he leaves. It didn't feel right to leave things like this and he wanted to do his part one final time before he gets out and reunites with the Kisaragi Foundation. While he knows that time goes faster in the Neo World Program, he feels like the Kisaragi Foundation shouldn't be taking this long to rescue them and feels that it's better for him to see what's the hold up and try to get them out from there. But the group is still his responsibility and he has to make sure everyone is okay before he leaves. And secondly, there's some things that they should discuss as a group before he goes, namely Mikado's motive and how he's apparently going about it. Sora is confused but he simply says that he thought it over all day and now he has a sneaking suspicion on how he's reviving Utsuro. He's not sure if he's right, though, hence why he wants to talk to everyone and get their opinions on it. After that, they were both silent as they walked, uncertain of what to say to each other. Teruya, again, apologizes for everything he did in the last Chapter but Sora reassures him that she's already forgiven him and while she can't speak for everyone else, they probably still care about him, too. Teruya just says that he hopes so cause he did enjoy hanging out with everyone in their downtimes. Even when they were stuck in a killing game and with Void around, he genuinely had fun with them and cared for them like they were his friends. He wants nothing more for their safety, even if they choose not to forgive him. Sora admits that she had her own fuck ups, too, and that he's not alone in that, which Teruya chuckles over and they settle into a more comfortable silence. Although Sora has noticed that Teruya is constantly staring at her with wariness, like he knows that she did something wrong. And, if her own suspicions were right...he had the right to hate her for life. That was when they both get a message from Hibiki, and just seeing it sent shivers down their spins: she's pleading for help as she just witnessed Yoruko walking around with a knife. Teruya immediately asks where she is and she answers that the three of them are at one of the hotels at so-and-so street and Teruya, with his good sense of direction and memorization of maps, clocks in that they're only three blocks away and could probably make it in time if they run. They just need a sign for Hibiki to put up for them so that they don't waste time searching every hotel and she says that she'll try to hang something from the window but please hurry! Sora says to keep an eye on where Yoruko is, and the two of them book it to the street. After a bit of scanning, they find the sign Hibiki had set up for them from one of the windows and enter.

Upon their arrival, they see that Yoruko had pinned Yuki onto the floor with a knife raised and Hibiki begging her to not do this. Yoruko just snaps at her, saying that Yuki has to be Utsuro and that if he just dies, if Mikado's plan can be stopped here and now, then it'll all be over. Teruya immediately takes charge, demanding that Yoruko drop the knife while trying to keep Sora from tackling her in case someone gets hurt. Or worse, killed. Yoruko refuses, though, convinced that the Yuki before them is a fake somehow just like the one in Teruya's killing game and that he'll betray them all once the whole Utsuro thing is completed. They can all tell that Yoruko has reached her breaking point and Teruya nearly regrets telling her about Utsuro the other day, but tries to remain calm, saying that Yuki IS real and that Mikado is doing something far more sinister but he can't put it together without them. Sora pleads with Yoruko to hear him out and spare Yuki, so that they can all get out together and the moment she hesitates is when she gets out of Teruya's grip and tackles her. Teruya gapes at her recklessness for possibly breaking the No Violence Rule but the tackle makes Yoruko drop the knife and Hibiki immediately runs over and kicks it away before dogpiling her, begging her to stop trying to hurt Yuki. She doesn't want her to become a murderer, she doesn't want her to stain her hands with blood, even if it's for the greater good, and she doesn't want to lose her. If she murders, she'll become a blackened and because everyone would know it was her, she'd get executed and Hibiki doesn't want that. She wants her to survive, along with everyone else. She wants to hang out with her, go shopping with her, and have fun with her. She wants her to live. This actually gets Yoruko to pause, calming down enough to realize what she was doing and how this could've affected her and her own friends. But before anyone can breathe a sigh of relief, Yuki...uh...you know. Tries to unsubscribe from life. Everyone is horrified to witness this moment, everyone begging him not to do it but Yuki is convinced that he's too dangerous to let himself live, not when Utsuro could come back and end up hurting everyone, and tries to...yeah. Thankfully, Sora is there and I believe it was a freakin' lightning bolt that struck the knife out of Yuki's hands, much to everyone's shock. That is when it started to rain and Teruya starts ushering everyone inside, leaving the knife behind.

Distressed but no longer at each other's throats, the group takes their time to process what the hell just happened and Teruya goes searching for snacks and drinks and blankets because my God, everyone needs that. With everyone wrapped up in their own blankets with snacks that no one could bring themselves to touch at this very moment, the group finally sits down and talk out all their problems with Teruya messaging Iroha to join them but she never shows. I actually can't remember exactly how this scenes goes, but basically the group is starting to get their shit back together, apologizing to one another, and then start putting their heads together as to what the truth of their situation really is but with Hibiki and Teruya there this time. They realize through their discussions of the facts that Void is using Yuki's body as a vessel to revive Utsuro by putting him through similar events of the DRA cases and breaking down his sense of self to make room for him. None of them understand exactly how that's even possible, but Yuki knows that it's working cause he constantly feels like he's fighting against someone else in his brain, he's remembering things that he knows didn't happen to him but did, and there are times when he feels like's losing control of his own body, expressions, and even the words that comes out of his mouth. Yuki is understandably freaking out over losing his sense of self, but Sora is quick to comfort him and pulls him into a hug, giving him reassurances that it'll all work out somehow. Teruya then reveals another thing that they should probably talk about and it's the condition that Sora had given him: Akane Taira. Everyone else is confused but they're quick to explain that Sora was able to get an exit code from Rei Mekaru but it's only a one time use thing and she explicitly told her to give it to Teruya the first chance she got. But she wanted to know who Akane Taira is because, well...she fears she might know who she really is. Teruya swears, hoping that wasn't the truth since he had started to suspect that she was her since she wouldn't have known that name unless someone else told her, but the fact that Sora is saying that meant that she remembers something, right? Sora admits it's nothing concrete, but it's enough for her to realize that her past self has done irreversible things to both her past friends...and Teruya. Teruya, with clenched teeth and feeling his heart breaking in two once again, admits that yes, she has done a lot of wrong and does his best to calmly explain what she's done. The Proto-Killing Game, her worship of Utsuro and how she'd sacrificed all of their friends for him, and the Despair she gave to everyone thanks to her betrayal...it was horrible. And Sora, knowing full well that these answers would not be pleasant...starts to freak out as she's crushed with a sense of overwhelming guilt. She never thought she was that horrible of a person, never even considered the possibility, but the fact that she is Akane Taira and that she hurt so many people, including Teruya...Oh God. No wonder she feels as though she's been acting strangely lately. It's like the more she remembers, the more and more she'll lose her current self and the ability to control her own actions. Yuki is distraught to realize that his own friend might be in the same boat as him in a way, but Yoruko, after taking the brief time to mentally recover, steps up to the plate and shakes Sora, giving her a speech that proclaims her current self as "Sora," and so long as she chooses to be "Sora," she won't become "Akane Taira." Not anymore, not if she chooses to be a different person and do better. This actually gets her to calm down from the overwhelming reveal of "who" she is and she sits back down, with Yuki curling up next to her as silent emotional support.

Yoruko sits back down and Hibiki speaks up, saying that no matter what happens, no matter who Sora is in the past or what will happen to Yuki in the future, their present is the most important part of themselves. They're here now and they can always choose to be better people than they were before. They can always work to strive for a better future. But Teruya bitterly says that while Yuki is clearly a victim and is going through a bodysnatching moment from Utsuro beyond the grave, he can't say that Sora will be getting a future. Yoruko starts to snap at him but Sora puts her hand on her shoulder and says that she understands what he means. Just because she's "choosing" to be Sora now, it doesn't erase what she's done in the past as Akane Taira. She's still hurt and killed a lot of people and she can't just pretend that her past as Akane Taira never existed. She'd just be running away from the responsibilities of her own actions and Sora refuses to do that. Teruya, still hurting but moved by Sora's words, whispers that he wishes he can do more for her. But if she truly is Akane Taira and is alive to this day, justice must be served for the victims, for both the living and the dead. Sora just nods her head, accepting any and all punishment that will come her way once they leave the Neo World Program. And with his end of the deal done, Sora hands over the exit code to Teruya and he starts to prepare to leave. Hibiki asks him what will happen next and Teruya explains that once he leaves, he'll talk to Rei and everyone else about what the hold up is and figure out a way to get them all out from there. It'll probably take a few days from their perspective but Teruya promises to work as quickly as he can to get them all out. Worse case scenario, they'll have to create a bunch of exit codes and try to transfer them to their handbooks. Yuki says that it sounds tedious to which Teruya replies that it probably is considering how long it took for Rei's exit code to reach him through Sora. Yoruko questions about the final Void and they all consider it but Teruya eventually decides that there's no point in searching for them anymore. They're the last one standing and when they leave, they'll be arrested alongside Mikado so they'll find out regardless of whether or not they search for them. Besides, it's better to try and keep the peace and stick together instead of poking the bear at this point. Once he was ready, Teruya tells the group to stick together and to try and work things out between them whenever an argument starts to crop up. They all bid Teruya goodbye, but before he goes, Sora speaks up...and says that, for what it's worth, she is sorry for what she's done.

Teruya, unable to come up to response to that, simply leaves.

And, now that Teruya has a proper role and actually interacted with the cast in a way that should hopefully suit his older and mature character more, we get to the final events of this chapter. Syobai does his thing with Sora while she's on a grocery run and finds out that she's Akane Taira then leaves the Neo World Program much to her confusion, she gets rescued by Yuki and co., and much later a broadcast appears across the city with...Teruya?! They all rush to find him but alas, it has long since been too late: Teruya Otori is dead. Yoruko is confused as to why Teruya is still here, Hibiki falls to her knees and cries over his body, Sora is shocked that they actually lost him when they shouldn't have, and Yuki can't wrap his head around how and why this had happened. From there, the investigation and trial goes pretty much like canon since I don't really have any problems with it, it just has Hibiki in the trial now. But I do have an idea that could add to it but I'm not sure if it's feasible? Let me know what you guys think on this idea:

Teruya leaving a note on his suspicions on who really killed him...but Mikado had taken it off of his body and only reveals it AFTER the voting results cause he's an asshole like that. He happily waves it in eeeeeveryone's faces and it's Sora that rips it out of his hand and, after confirming that it's something that Teruya would write to them, she reads it out loud for everyone to hear:

"I am Teruya Otori, and if you're reading this, I'm dead and you've found my body. I don't know which one of you will find me first, but please read this carefully: I am going to die and I know it, and there's nothing I could do about it. I know that sounds confusing with how I left you all and I wish I can say more, but there's only so much I can write until Mikado realizes what I'm doing and takes my journal and pen away. So I'll just get straight to the point.

Iroha has been giving me food that's probably been poisoned the past few days, but I don't think she's the culprit. I think Mikado is using her as a scapegoat to get away with murdering me as he had told me straight to my face that whether I starve myself or eat, my life is in his hands and he can kill me whenever he wants. Not only that, Mikado is the only one out of everyone that can cook actual food thanks to his "magic." No one else. These rice bowls they've been giving me look freshly steamed and don't look like they're from the mart. So who's to say that Mikado didn't poison the food behind Iroha's back?

I'll admit, I'm only bringing up this possibility because that's what my gut is telling me and it's all just speculation on my end. So don't take my word as law and carefully go through the evidence, think, and discuss it together. It could be Iroha but never forget that Mikado is also here, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I hope this letter at least helps you guys think about the case, and if I'm right, bring Mikado down no matter what. And if I'm wrong

I'm sorry for failing you all, even beyond death."

Everyone is silent in the trial room as their mistake slowly dawns on them. And Mikado...laughs. He laughs and laughs, saying that he's actually impressed that an idiot like Teruya managed to figure out the truth of who the real culprit is just by gut instinct alone. He even left a dying message and managed to hide it for so long. He almost wishes he was like this more often, he could've been more entertaining! But it's juuust toooooo baaaad that his dying message never got to the right people! Because of course it wouldn't. Mikado did use Iroha in creating the murder plan "together" and a simple search of his body to make sure everything is in order was enough for him to discover the note. In any other circumstance, he would've left it alone, but because his speculation was too spot on, Mikado decided not to risk having the possibility get stuck in everyone's head and took it with him. Sora curses Mikado but he simply shrugs, saying that he had won...and it's time for his reward: watching everyone get executed. And bada-bing, bada-boom, Chapter 5 ends with everyone's execution getting interrupted and Kinjo making his post-credits appearance.

Chapter 6...okay, it's basically an exposition dump but 2x because LINUJ made a lot bad writing decisions that forced him into corner upon realizing that a lot of the information he wanted to tell will have to be crammed into the final chapter because he didn't think ahead on how he was going to trickle all this information in through the first 5 chapters. Like, seriously, I'm sure we would've been able to cut down Chapter 6's run time if we just had some of these reveals in Chapter 4 through Nikei or even Chapter 5 through Teruya. But you know, whatever. I'm mostly bringing up Chapter 6 even though Teruya is dead at this point simply because I want Sora to react to Kinjo's willingness to sacrifice Teruya (and Rei) just to keep Syobai's double status as a double agent a secret. I want her to call him out on it. I want her to point out how fucked up it is for him to sacrifice his own friends for the greater good without even telling them anything, keeping them in the dark and using their own trust in him against them. To use and abuse Teruya's trust in him, betraying him without him even realizing it because he died before he could ever find out. He trusted him and he...just tossed him away like trash.

And Kinjo, knowing full well that it's his fault but with the audacity of the sun, just looks at Sora and says, "And what gives you the right to say that?"

It takes all of Sora's restraint and guilt not to jump over her podium and punch Kinjo in the face, Akane Taira style.

And now we've finally reached the end, and oh my god, it took me two days to finish this. Clearly, I am insane for Teruya Otori and way too wordy for my own good cause this is long as fuck. Sorry. But yeah, this is how I would go about rewriting Teruya in SDRA2. I hope he comes off as better written but not like a flawless being or anything cause he still fucks up and makes mistakes here. Tell me what you think of it once you reach the end and what you think works and doesn't work. I'm hoping he comes across as someone that's a bit more competent and mature, but only outside of the trials cause otherwise he fumbles a lot in there. Like, seriously, his Ultimate Talent as a merchant would be great for negotiations and LINUJ claimed that he was a mediator in the Kisaragi Foundation but again, he's so underwhelmingly underutilized that it drives me insane. Give my man some spotlight! Give my man some love!! He deserved better writing, goddammit!!!

[bunnygirl678]

okay friends i'm drunk again (so this christmas ale i'm drinking is delicious buttttt also 9.8% alc so you know)

anyway, spotify wrapped came out which also means AO3 wrapped time

My 2024 word count was 350,356 (year is not over! I have a few more things getting published before then but as of dec 4 at 7:15 pm EST)

Top five by hits (of things published this year, including ongoing started last year)

Blood bank (no surprise)

Eevee save Green (surprised, I felt like it was a weaker story of mine)

The Graduate Assistant (i'm so sorry i felt like the ending was shit)

Corrupt (my beloved)

Pour a Little Salt, We Were Never Here (I really enjoyed this one)

I think the big statistical elephant in the room is that my reguri stories do better, which makes sense since it's a bigger fandom, but honestly my PMS/HS fics are better written.

I've had a total of 21,331 hits in 2024 (probably 20k of those are me rereading my own stuff lmao)

Blood bank is my longest fic (duh) coming in at 91k words unfinished

next is corrupt which was 69k words all written and published in 2024 (gonna be honest corrupt is my favorite fic that i've written!)

But if I were to publish the top 5 of the shit i've written this year it would go in this order (ish, idk if it's accurate i like some equally lol)

5th most loved fic: moonshine and bonfires, based on some of my own experiences bein' a sloot and also country music cause again i'm a hick

4th: scrapbooks, short sweet to the point, it was an experiment in style that I ended up loving! and it ended with Gold having lots of kids which always is a winner in my book

3rd: The Soulmate Next Door, a prequel to an ode to my soulmate but huntershipping instead of reguri, tons of fun to write, made me miss my university days, also not nearly enough soulmate fics, don't worry i have drafts but lets be honest i'm slower than mollases runnin uphill in the winter (i misspell things cause phonics + accents don't really work)

2nd: Blood money, i love this fic, no one else seems to, which is okay (not counting you here love if you decided to get on tumblr today and saw this) i'm still writing it but i abandoned it for ao3 as of rn.

1st!: corrupt, easy answer, it's such a fun fic, explores lots of tropes and ideas, plus gold gets to be a TR executive lol and you get my shitty sex scenes every few chapters lol

Honorable mentions Mama, Can You Die From A Broken Heart? texting fic a la that one meg cabot book that I got exorscied while reading at 13ish. and Serving where I showed my age and lack of understanding of currrent slang, and of course Good Boy which is a kinky fic but has plot and a dive into Gold's shitty immune system... that's not the right phrase... ummm fuck... uh not immune system uhh the thingy where you feel like your worthless but you aren't??? like during his breakdown during GSC??? the word is not immune but for the life of me i can't remember what it is, probably doesnt matter since i doubt anyone but me is reading this---- i know i lost a lot of readers when i switched from reguri to pms/hs but i'm happier writing gold and sivler than i ever was with red/green. sorry friends

it doesn't matter i like hearing myself talk or write or whatever

an interesting piece of information is that i wrote a total of 114,532 (as of today) more this year than last year butttttt i didn't start posting until July of 2023, so halfway through the year. which means i probably would have been about 471k+ had I had the same trajectory as last year. There are a few reasons for that, 1. i got a promotion at work (baby girl is D level!!) which means unfortunately you know more work 2. I am really only publishing finished work with the exception of blood bank/corrupt 3. this only counts published work, my word count in my in progress fics is huge, i've written way more this year than last just not published 4. last year i spent 14 days in the hospital with pneumonia where all i did was write and be high on cough syrup (fun fact, blood bank was created during this time i wrote the first 4 chapters while hoping i didn't die lmao), I also had significantly more hits last year, again I'm blaming that on my switch away from reguri.

I did manage to meet some amazing people this year due to my writing so i'll count it a win (hi bb ily marry me plsssss)

Lots of stuff coming in 2025, Im hoping to hit 500k in published words, hoping to finish a good portion of the drafts I have sitting waiting on editing/scenes, I'm going to explore some themes from the manga, going to publish some more cringe (hanahaki/soulmate/omega yall know i eat that shit up), going to improve my porn skills, and hopefully publish a lot for corrupt and blood bank

I have a singular (besides blood bank lol) fic for reguri, it's jazz and coffee but idk when i'll finish hoping in 2025, Gold/Silver really is one of the rare pairings where I feel idk they're on the same level as 616 stony to me, which i deleted my blog from 2012-2015 but it's special lol, I''ll be publishing some yuri (wristshipping???? i put ??? but lesbianhonest it's that or crys/sapphire in my heart) in 2025 including smuttttttt cuase licking pussy is my favorite passtime (to think i managed to stay with a guy for 7 years, honestly shows that i will ignore my own desires for years lmao

A note about blood money...

I love that fic so much, it holds a special place in my heart, more so than blood bank tbh, for now I'm leaving it as abandoned, mostly because I really haven't had any comments/interactions on it, as of right now i'm sharing the ch with my one friend who i know likes it but idk for the future. I feel weird about just killing it but i think it's too obscure for most people idk....

this is a lot of words, i'm pretty drunk but also i'm writing a PMS spotify wrapped fic??? gold is a hick who listens to country western don't @ me. Anywhosers...

I love you, thank you for reading, go eat some brussels sprouts!

[tiredtriedfailures]

hiii i’ve been collecting stupid takes about the beef and i want to share them here’s my list so far:

it was manufactured for publicity. yeah makes sense. drake had been getting FANTASTIC publicity since the beef i can see why he’d engage with something so beneficial to his career. it’s for the pr 👍

it was a distraction from palestine (if you’re able to let anything fully distract you from a genecide then oof you need to do better 😬)

kendrick / someone associated with him got a kid to artificially increase streams of not like us. as if there’s a reason,,, or a need for that. drizzy glazers stay coping POORLY.

kendrick is fake / performative because he had dre (only one of the biggest and most influential figures in west coast hip hop) up on stage with him. even though he’s a bad person.

just a moment ago while scrolling through the kendrick tag i came across a post saying that he’s dumb if he doesn’t release his most commercial / digestible album ever. to capitalize on this situation. also suggesting that the reason kendrick went after drake was because he wants to be him. or something. i um. damn. okay. i mean the op did admit to being team drizzy. so.

just the general misunderstanding of the whole thing especially the pop out. i mean there obviously is an element of hatred and hostility but if you actually listen to the lyrics and the message behind everything kendrick has done in the past couple months then it’s clear there’s much more to it. hating drake and what he stands for (or rather lack of what he stands for) seems to have become more of a rallying point and a genesis for love and unity and culture as opposed to the ENTIRE point ykwim? i don’t think it takes a lot to recognize it’s deeper than kendrick being a hashtag hater. kendrick is an incredibly deep and intelligent man and if you think he put on a show like the pop out just because Hater™️ then you’re not paying attention.

kendrick is one of those artists that just has so much substance and intellect behind his work that the general public doesn’t Get ykwim? yet there’s the dichotomy of being one of the biggest most popular hip hop stars ever. artists like that are interesting and i feel bad for them.

anywayyyyy sorry this is really long i just keep seeing tiktok ass opinions and i want to COMPLAIN 🙌

this is valid and an awesome ask cuz i HAD been bitching about moat of these lemme put my hating cap on.

1-this fight had been coming a long time, drake sneak dissing and kendricks possible references to drake and how back to back opposites they are on how they live, maybe drake thought itd be good pr in the first songs but it was just kendrick grabbing the chance by the balls to kill a man who is everything he stands against

2-palestine distraction stuff was weird as hell. people dont see hiphop and black artists as respectable so they cant grasp the importance of the moment, what it means for the entire entertainment industry.

3-just lies lmao kendrick doesnt move like that + that song is all natural

4-okay so dre. i talk myelf in circles about this so let me summarize it into a single sentence: I THINK, kendrick taking up the mantle, the torch, the favor of people from these men and giving it new life as the successor, better, kinder, smarter in his art, is objectively a good thing. it doesnt have to go deeper.

5&6 okay so kendrick ISNT going commercial and he ISNT the fucking dmx interview reference. you spend all your career explaining you think of your art as a tool for betterment, help for those who need it, how you were saved by community and god and self inteospection and you believe in loving yourself and your people into healing and freedom and people still say stupid shit. hes deep when hes on a radio hit and hes deep when hes on a poem. leave him aloneee

fuckkkk all these made me remember how mad i was on twitter 24/7 lmao people are addixted to being wrong about him youre so right tho, mwah

[euphoricfilter]

About DTIK (sorry that I was late reading your reply), I think it's really good. Not sure about tumblr cuz it's not as convenient as ao3 in terms of searching and filtering fics. I checked your fic on ao3; maybe change your rating though cuz you put general audience with a smut tag😅. One of the good things about ao3 is the hits really, you can see how many people have clicked your fic. I find your TBAH and DTIK really unique because.. really, not many people write about those. 9 tails and 4 arms demon. And I think that many people post their fics on ao3 because you can just go crazy and write bizzare fics and most readers know that, especially with the extra warning if there's below 18 reader. I know I'm all talk cuz I don't reblog fics on tumblr, but I love to leave kudos and bookmarks to good fics on ao3. I'm sorry, reblogging just kinda takes effort (I don't like disorganization with the tags and I like to stay anonymous here); ao3 is kind of just one two clicks away. I hope you still enjoy writing it, because even if it's not on high demand, if you like it, I think you can finish it. I'm sorry if I cross the line. I just really wish you want to continue it

you’re okay my lovely!!

oh yeah, DTIK was the first fic i ever posted on ao3 so the tags and all that are probably wrong because i didn’t know how to use it LMAO

maybe if i ever repost DTIK id keep it on ao3, i guess it did okay on tumblr, but i find that readers on here mostly don’t like super long fics, or i just didn’t brand it right or maybe something else. tumblr is still a mystery i’ve not figured out quite yet

a lot of people said the same things about TBAH and DTIK when they were only 2 fics on this page 🫡 i used to be so happy having exclusively unique fics too :(( that would have been so fun if that had become my trademark as a writer but i guess it wasn’t meant to be

hmm maybe exclusively on ao3 is the way to go then, i used to read most of my fics from ao3 so i’m familiar with how easy the system is, and maybe then lack of interaction on tumblr won’t weigh me down and kinda make me push the series to the side

i’ve talked about this with someone before on here about his disorganized storing fics are. especially because reblogs help a lot, but then it kinda clogs your page up and likes are useless because now i just have fics i like laying in the depths of my liked tab and i doubt they’ll ever see the light of day again 🥲 i think i go through a crisis every other month at this point, wanting to just re-start my whole blog because it feels like a huge mess and i never know how to fix it.

honestly, the only reason i started posting on tumblr was because of the inbox. it felt like having the anon feature gave people like me, who don’t like being perceived a chance to communicate and i thought, if i posted on here then at least some people might come in my inbox and that would be cute and then we can vibe. everything else about this app is kinda shitty

you’re not crossing the line at all!! i think if anything you’ve helped me out!! i truly do love that series more than anything i’ve ever written, it’s just the lack of enthusiasm from other people kinda made me feel like i shouldn’t waste other peoples time by writing it, like why would they wanna see that on their dashboard, you know???

i said in the last ask, but i have part of the first chapter already rewritten, and obviously the rest of the series isn’t gonna be hard to catch up with in terms of rewriting, i’m not changing the plot. just adapting the style slightly

ahhh you know i used to be so excited for people to finally read the ending because i just knew that if people were invested in the series and they read the final chapter they’d be like ???? oh 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

thank you for lighting the spark of inspiration for me, and thank you for loving the series 🫂 it means the world to me that you like it and want to know what happens next 💞 i don’t think i’ve abandoned it quite yet and i’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long for any sort of update

[abyssalstrike]

It does feel like sometimes the writers either didn't have the creative freedom to do what they wanted to, thus some episodes having to sacrifice character arcs for the sake of action or even toy marketing (damn you Nick!!) Or the writers sometimes didn't GET get the character, in this case Mikey, B team sometimes felt a bit flat or one dimensional compared to the characters arcs Raph and Leo got for this reason.

Yeahhh i love the B-Team and they have my favorite dynamic but they are severely lacking in the development department. Thinking about Donnie though, I swear they were trying to do something with him in season 2? Like with his conflict with Leo, and how he was gradually working up to being more assertive with his ideas and plans. But once season 3 hit, it's like it Never happened. B-team antics are always fun and all, but throughout the farmhouse arc it didn't really seem like they were particularly bothered by the bleak situation they were in, only really reacting to Immediate Danger In Direct Eyesight.

Theres this one moment in The Fourfold Trap, that I think about so often. After the anti venom to cure Karai doesn't work, Leo goes to Donnie and tells him to "Try harder", and that sets donnie OFF. "TRY harder? I always have to find the solution. You're LEADER Leo, YOU find the answer!" Like how are yall gonna make him say this and then not do anything with it bro HAHAHA

They do this with Mikey a lot too, and I can give you an episode that sooo blatantly shows the difference in how they treat Mikey and Donnie as character vs Leo and Raph, Season 4 Episode 5, Riddle of the Ancient Aeons where they're on the angery rage planet . Everyone is tense, but generally they get more easily provoked by anyone they have preexisting angst with. Donnie spends most of his time bickering with Only Casey. But Mikey snaps and yells at Raph, "I'm tired of you always picking on me! Ever since we were little, you've been giving me shell wedgies, wet willies,, and reptile rugburns, and-" then he's promptly shut down by Leo. LIKE when first saw that scene my jaw was DROPPED there's so much to unpack there helllo?? But then they just ignore that he said this entirely LMAO . Can I post clips?? How do I post clips

Boom I got the whole ass thing. Buddy said that with his whole heart

When Raph snaps at Leo about him always being Splinters favorite, that's where the episode takes a moment to have those two hug and reconcile. It's genuinely a really sweet scene, but like... yeahh.... the bias is kinda real yknow. It makes me sad that there's any possibility that they sacrificed the B Team character arcs because there's good stuff to work with here, if they could just afford the time and attention

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l (part 2)

CLICK HERE TO READ PART ONE

Writing this was a bit harder in comparison to the first part, because I wanted to organize things into a neat timeline, but I ended up not having enough patience for it lol specially because both of ChanBaek's main archive blogs seem to have deleted their pages documenting each date of EXO's early years. Therefore I apologize in advance if this part is a bit more messy. Also, please don't forget that all of this is my opinion and I don't mean for any of it to be taken as truth!

I kind of want to jump from MAMA era directly into Wolf era, since we don't really have a lot of cover regarding their debut phase besides Chanyeol's overeagerness and Baekhyun's awkwardness towards it, so to sum it up, I felt as if Chanyeol was more confident and consistent on what he thought an idol should act like, while Baekhyun (sweet, innocent Baekhyun who was a trainee for less than a year!) was still unsure on how to act on camera.

On the few early variety shows/interviews EXO appeared on, the members always pointed out how funny Baekhyun was, how good he'd be at variety and at doing imitations, but he never really lived up to all the praise on camera, although off of it, he most likely was as good as his members claimed.

He was a bit stiff on his early days in comparison to what we see today, and that's normal, I guess, since he debuted really quickly, but when you compare him to Chanyeol the contrast is so interesting, because the latter was able to latch on to a persona as soon as the public gave him one, while to me, Baekhyun was still doubtful regarding what to put on display. In the end, deep inside, Baekhyun is a private person, and was even more so when he wasn't confident enough to talk to fans like he does today.

Once again, I’m sorry for not being able to upload the gifs directly into the post, so I’ll just link them like I did on my last one.

This is another one of the moments where Baek appears to tell Chanyeol to just. Hold on for a bit.

There's another one similar to this where Chanyeol does the same thing (try to whisper on Baekhyun's ear) and Baekhyun fake laughs and stares at a fan's camera right after. Then, his expression just goes blank. It's really interesting to watch because you can just see the gears spinning on Chanyeol's brain as he stares at Baekhyun for a second and clearly thinks alright, fanservice time, and leans in to whisper something: it happens so fast you just know it wasn't genuine whispering, just a playful interaction for the fans, and Baekhyun's direct stare to the camera as soon as it happens just confirms this for me. 

1: Chanyeol spots his target.

2: He’s really thinking this through.

3: Baek's in a perfect position for whispering-time, so he leans in and does his thing.

4: Baekhyun laughs.

5: And stares directly at a fan's camera.

6: Immediately regrets his life choices. Chanyeol looks pleased.

It's actually better to watch the whole thing, so I'll leave it here. (starts on 0:28!)

(Random note: on this date EXO perfomed a cover of H.O.T's We Are The Future, and I feel like a lot of new EXO-Ls have not seem it and I adore this performance, so I'll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1-z4s3fdgo)

Now let's jump on to Wolf era, shall we?

Wolf era

I can't help but laugh when I think about how wild 2013 was for both EXO and EXO-Ls. They had their first hit song (which was Growl, not Wolf) the fandom grew considerably, shippers where just discovering the cute ISAC moments between "BaekYeol" and "HunHan"... Or at least that's how everyone remembers most of what happened during that year.

Are we forgetting the rumoured ChanBaek fight?

Considering their past interactions on airports, SMTOWN concerts, ISAC and other events, ChanBaek was now widely known to be close to each other. Baekhyun even said Chanyeol was the one who made him open up, and both of them mentioned feeling this "connection" to each other as soon as they met (although jokingly).

After Mama, the fandom was content-less for a considerable period of time, and what most people did was sharing around old performances and repeat overused memes.  I think that in every fandom there is a period where fans establish their main inside jokes and basically just get together to create a collective line of thought for perceiving their idols. That being said, one of the most well established facts in the fandom was that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close. That was a fact.But then Wolf came, and they suddenly were not. 

This gif is a good example of how awkward their interactions were. Not even my delusional shipping brain in 2013 was able to come up with an explanation for it.

They simply did not acknowledge each other at all, and Chanyeol appeared to be closer to Kyungsoo (I think Baekhyun interacted a lot with Tao, but that may have been during the Growl era, not Wolf. As I said before, I'm a Chanyeol stan guys, sorry lmao).

Point is, these two boys who seemed to be best friends suddenly were clearly distant from one another.

What added fuel to the fire of the rumours was their appearance on Sukira, a radio show, where Sehun cried because the members sometimes had fights. Here's a fanacc:

[130530] EXO at Sukira

Sehun cried because the members sometimes fight.

Sehun: "Let's be loyal to each other, don't fight, and go until the end"

D.O: "We've been under a lot of stress lately because of the comeback, so I wish we won't fight in the future and do our best"

Here's a video cut of this part of their interview. 

I think this ask on lets-talk-baekyeol, a popular ChanBaek analysis blog from back in the day, shows how curious a lot of fans were.

What happened back then?

There's really no answer for that. On my opinion, not even Chanyeol or Baekhyun could give us a concrete answer on it, because I don't think an actual fight happened. For me, it was most likely a personality clash, a disagreement that probably wasn't even voiced out loud, just both of them noticing how uncomfortable things got, if Baekhyun's reactions to Chanyeol's fanservice is any indication. I somehow doubt there was a specific episode that created this distance between them, specially because during Growl, they went back to being friends, although not as touchy on camera as before, as if one of them had established their limits (oh, I wonder who!), but I still have this feeling that all of this was unspoken, because unspoken things seem to be a pattern on ChanBaek's relationship (something I'll touch on later, hopefully).

But it was during Growl era that I noticed something else about Baekhyun.

Wolf era

EXO'S Showtime was a such a gift. I recommend reading lets-talk-baekyeol's blog for this. I don't really agree with everything they say they do present a lot of relevant points. I may repeat them here, since I noticed them myself as well, but credits for them nonetheless.

I remember finding the lack of ChanBaek interactions during the episodes really dissappointing, but considering the Wolf Era drought, this was better than nothing.

My 13 year old self was devastated when Baekhyun appeared so quiet during Chanyeol's birthday episode, and during a recent rewatch of it, I think realized why.

Baekhyun doesn't like superficial things. It's not that Chanyeol is insincere, but he's just better than Baekhyun is at handling people pleasing, even when he doesn't really mean what's he saying/doing. The Chanyeol birthday episode was heavily centered on Chanyeol's random admiration for Kai, which I think we can all agree that it was a little bit scripted or a really spur of the moment thing that they just ran along with and oh man. Baekhyun did not want to be part of it.

During ChanKai's hug, this is what he looked like on the background, and the poor boy even refused to eat cake. He's just in the back, which is weird, because he's such a talkative person and Chanyeol is one of his closest friends. The only moment where he seems to be genuinely comfortable is when Chanyeol blows the candle and it's really cute. To me, it seems that he was kind of embarrassed to witness so much acting from everyone else and was unable to participate because he struggles with things like this, but the moment Chanyeol blows his candles to comemorate his birthday seems sincere enough for him to fondly smile.

This ties in so well with everything from Mama Era. He's just unable to keep acting/people pleasing on the same easy way that Chanyeol does, but this time he's not as nervous about it as he was on his earlier-early days, where he probably felt pressured to actually do stuff. Now he just doesn't do **it, he just doesn't do something that he dislikes doing, and that sadly creates a distance between them on camera and probably on a deeper level in their relationship as well, because both are just realizing how different their perceptions over their jobs is.

There's also this moment that the mods on lets-talk-baekyeol pointed out.

On the Christmas episode, when the members leave the couch to go get their presents, Chanyeol stays seated while Baekhyun gets up to fetch his. This is the sitting arrangement before (almost) everyone got up:

But when Baekhyun comes back, there's free space next to Chanyeol, however he's hesitant to sit by his side. He actually hesitates and doesn't sit down. Jongdae even gives him a little push right after.

Baek just seems hesitant to do things on camera, to interact with Chanyeol in front of an audience. For this moment, I feel like he's afraid to sit next to Chanyeol and end up having to over act. It's not that Chanyeol himself makes him uncomfortable, but the image of the friendship that they ended up creating for fans demands a lot from him.

And when I say hesitant to do things on camera, I really do mean it, because when Baekhyun thinks he is not being recorded/seen, here's what he does:

Here and here.

Their relationship clearly changed, and I think the reason for it is actually simple: both of them were under the impression that they were compatible with each other when they actually were not. Their personalities are extremely different, even if the way they present themselves is sometimes similar. Wolf and Growl era was our way, as fans, of watching them navigate around each other and finding out how their relationship was supposed to work.

And you know what's nice about that? The members watched all of it unfold. Their reactions to some of ChanBaek's interaction is a gold mine when it comes to analyzing them, because they clearly know, just as we do, that their relationship is kind of complicated. But I want to talk about it on the next part.

I am sorry for cutting this off again! I don't know if the next part is going to be the last, because after Growl there's Overdose and we all know what happened on 2014 [coughs] dating scandal [coughs] god help me I don't want to talk about it [coughs] so there's a lot to uncover and I need time to organize stuff.

Thank you for reading!

[skyeventide]

I’m really really fascinated by your interpretation of Maedhros and I’d love to read more of it, I saw your comment on the post about earlier versions and then was super intrigued

-@outofangband

hello @outofangband ! thank you for the ask, I'm going to try putting it into words, though I'm usually much better at fanfiction to explain how I envision characterisation — and unfortunately I don't have any Maedhros fanfic other than To die in the light (which is less about him per se, and more about the ex thrall who interacts with him; but there's a good swathe of Maedhros as well). still, to explain:

essentially, what I meant with that specific comment is that I don't attribute to Maedhros any personal unwillingness to follow along the rebellion, the first kinslaying, or the Oath, certainly not at early stages. what I instead attribute to Maedhros is an aptitude for politics and a willingness to attempt diplomacy routes and handle public perceptions of facts, no matter how facts actually are.

a lot of this is, by necessity, extrapolation. the bare bones of characterisation are there in the text, but the flesh that is built on those bones varies, and can vary a lot. so mypersonal construction is informed by a few external things too. I basically just... don't really vibe with restrained good person Maedhros, cause that feels to me like the easiest route to construct a narrative that's contrasting, depending: his father's; his brothers'; sometimes other characters' (e.g. Elwing). and like, to each their own, but it's not my thing, and I'm not into singling out the good guy out of the bunch as a trope, it simply doesn't call to me.

I'll try to explain my points about early Maedhros (much as I'd love to explain my headcanons for the whole character arc, that would be so long and complicated that I give up without even trying lmao); also I'd like to add that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence but that's where both "personal construction" and "extrapolation" come into place. essentially, this is what I construct and extrapolate, and I'm not really interested in alternatives, I don't like them, or I just disagree with them. and by contrast, people may think the same of this.

firstly, not against the rebellion and the Oath: the early text in @undercat-overdog's post is to my knowledge the only existing text that gives insight with regard to the state of mind with which the Oath was taken. now the Silmarillion says "a dreadful oath", but the Silmarillion has reason to do so by virtue of hindsight. the entirety of the speech to the Noldor, fear and gloom of the moment aside, is a speech that pushes to action: it seems extremely fitting to me that the taking of the Oath itself should reasonably be something with an upwards push, taken without full acknowledgement of its lines and what they may entail when it comes to other elves. because the stated purpose of moving war to Morgoth is very clear throughout, and even though the reality of the war hasn't hit them yet, the awareness of its approach is very present — there is, imo, a readiness for fight and an acknowledgement of intent: killing a deity.

I also feel that "these leapt with laughter / their lord beside / with linked hands / there lightly took / the oath unbreakable" meshes fairly well with the Silmarillion version, where some of this is not kept but the sons still leap at Feanor's side, this time with their swords drawn. Maedhros in this is not called out as any different — in fact, Maedhros is not called out as being different during the feud either: "lies came between them" with regard to Fingon paints the rumour-spreading among the Noldorin factions as affecting them equally, just as it affects Fingolfin ("grew proud and jealous each of his rights and possessions").

the first kinslaying: again maedhros is not singled out as against it. and again, absence of evidence doesn't equal evidence of absence, however, my preferred method in reconstructing my understanding of canon through the skeleton of its textuality is at times trying to make sense of drafts and grabbing the fil rouge of their logical development. and, when there is someone called out as acting against the Noldor during the first kinslaying, that is Galadriel. Maedhros never even is named in this circumstance.

I also think that the modus operandi of the whole situation is a remarkable early calque of the second and third kinslaying. first, other options are exhausted first: the noldor go north, stop in Araman by foot, and decide the crossing of the ice is too costly, not doable, or otherwise not something they're willing to do (more: people directly blame Feanor for the bitter cold they're exposed to, before they have to cross, if they wish to reach Middle Earth); second, there is an attempt to convince Olwe and the Teleri via words; third, a passage that is textually absent from later deeds of the same sort, but which might be potentially inferred, the leader (here Feanor) sits alone brooding on his options; fourth, action. this is the same as what happens with the later kinslayings, even though the first was not meant to be a deadly undertaking in its conception (it was a theft). but, what I mean is, second kinslaying: failed first option, the battle of unnumbered tears, part 2 diplomatic attempt, the message to doriath, part 3, not textually stated, part 4, action. third kinslaying is muddier and I won't attempt to map it perfectly other than: delayed attack to the havens; diplomatic attempt via message; [not textually stated, may be incorporated in the delay]; action.

either way, my point is: whether Maedhros is outright leader or he isn't, there isn't any fundamental difference in the story beats of the kinslayings. inb4 "Feanor and Maedhros have different character traits" — yes, to an extent. and this is where the early draft from that post returns to my aid in terms of personality building: "the eldest, whose ardor / yet more eager burnt / than his father’s flame, / than Feanor’s wrath". now, I feel there's an important qualitative difference in ardour and wrath, but that line exists and the Silmarillion doesn't contradict it: the fire of life burns in Maedhros, the eagerness here mentioned does not fade from this draft to later versions. (inb4 “the circumstances don’t overlap perfectly”: yes of course they don’t. I’m not trying to argue that they do)

now, what happens when it's time to depart with the ships? Feanor takes counsel with his sons, and the decision is to take the loyalists and go to the other side with them first. what happens when Feanor tries to burn those ships? Maedhros gives his famous lines, "what ships and rowers will you spare to return, and whom shall they bear hither first". my extrapolation here is this: I think it's obvious that the burning was not supposed to happen; and I think it's obvious that the joint decision of Feanor and his sons, dare say of Feanor and his firstborn heir, was to send back a group and carry the rest of the Noldor to Middle Earth. Feanor says lmao fuck you and the rest is history. Maedhros doesn't take well to that, and here comes forth what I think actually distinguishes him as a character: the cool-headed pragmatism that will imo really come forth post-captivity, the diplomatic abilities, and weighing his options with a level-headedness that his father lacks — and I would like to posit, these options are not weighed in a particularly moral way: he appeals to Feanor about Fingon being carried first because Fingon rushed in and got involved in the kinslaying on their behalf (there may be different readings, but they don't appear to me as textually supported as this — and for the purpose of this I am making no difference between feelings of romance and friendship; the quality of the relationship is here irrelevant, the strength of it has more bearing). it isn't "Fingon because he's my friend", or "Fingon because he's a good guy", it's "Fingon because he killed for us". and after he is on this side, actually keeping the rest of their army, an army they need to effectively wage the war they said they would wage, becomes a cake walk.

also, I go back and forth on this, but: it's possible that Fingon gained his "the valiant" sobriquet before the Darkening; it isn't a given that it was gained in this instance, his Alqualonde attack. but I still feel like it's quite telling, whether the epithet is gained now or before, that it's brought up under these circumstances. the last "valiant" deed from Fingon has been saving the day during the kinslaying. whether Maedhros is saying it to convince his father or because he truly feels it's currently deserved, he's nonetheless saying it.

a last point is the envoy with which he accepts to meet with Morgoh's forces: this is very shortly after Feanor's death, and Maedhros goes in with more warriors than agreed, though it's still not enough to counter Morgoth's own breaking of the terms. Maedrhos in this demonstrates that he's willing to pursue diplomacy despite his father's own words, but he is neither blindly trusting nor a good person who's simply out of his depth: he goes prepared to be the larger armed force and brings none of his brothers with him. it's not enough, but the attempt is there.

which reads to me as an ardour and eagerness that are kept in check by pretty solid abilities to plan, and that do not, really, counter his father's wishes in any truly consistent way. yes, the ship burning, but in the long run having all the Noldor in ME was going to be a benefit; I feel he could have well patched-up the problems without giving up any crown. yes, the parleying with Morgoth, but they just lost their father and despite that the Dagor-nuin-Giliath is a victory: he's coming as the winning party and newly crowned king, and he might, perhaps, find another route to proceed.

so these are more or less the salient points of my personal reconstruction of "early Maedhros". it'd be too long to get into post-captivity and this post is already long lmao, but I hope this made sense to you? and clarified how I understand his character with that early draft included as an aspect.

*all opinions and analyses are personal and are not attempting to establish a true canon. they make sense to me; I’d argue that I try to make them as textually supported as possible with a canon so fragmented. if my readers’ here are different, go on y’all’s merry way.

[elpercotreviews]

Reviewing My Anime 10/10's *Relatively* Spoiler-Free

Note: What I rank a 10/10 is very specific and obviously very subjective to my own. Something can only be a 10/10 if I already consider it a 9/10 AND I must have rewatched it. I am someone who typically does not rewatch/reread anything, unless it's something I truly absolutely enjoy. With that being said, because of the requirements, I only have 4 animes that I rank 10/10, and tbh only one of those animes would get that ranking from the general anime audience. The rest are SO SO SO specific to my particular tastes that I would be absolutely stunned if someone also had the same four as me, because the requirement is so specific. Imma make another post eventually for my 9/10's because I think that list makes a lot more sense for a general anime audience lmaooo.

Soooo, in order of least personal to most personal (although obviously they're all personal to me lol) we have:

1. Psycho-Pass

Recommended for people who: are really into that dark dystopian future society vibes, are fans of Ghost in the Shell, like detective/crime stories

Okay, for a few people, this one actually probably makes some sense. At the moment, it has an 8.37 on myanimelist which means this anime is super well liked. I've watched this anime twice, first the original and then the second time I watched the director's cut (yes that exists lol). Overall, I'm a huge fan of the entire Psycho-Pass anime series as a whole. I've watched all three seasons, as well as two of the movies. I didn't watch any of the Sinners of the System ones cuz tbh I literally couldn't find an english sub of that anywhere, it just doesn't exist lol. I think it's okay cuz the ratings for the Sinners of the System trio of movies seems meh. I've actually watched Psycho-Pass the Movie like three/four times LMAO but that's simply cuz a movie is obviously much quicker to watch than an entire anime season. Like just objectively, the Psycho Pass series as a whole is very inconsistent in quality due to the fact that it's all original, so they do technically just make up everything as they go lol. Season two is all right (I think it gets more hate than it should), three is good but season one by far is the absolute best in the entire series. I'd argue the movie is technically my absolute favorite out of the whole IP, but I actually give the movie an 8/10. The movie, because of being obviously way shorter, simply does not have the deep controversial and philosophical lines of thought that season one has. It lacks that extra depth that would make me put it anything higher than an 8. The two main characters have good chemistry as a crime-fighting duo and the main villain's rivalry/relationship with the male lead is super compelling. The female lead is meant to be relatively naive/more on the innocent side which works with the plot as it allows the show to naturally explain and give more exposition as to the actual world and rules of Psycho-Pass without having it seem so ham-fisted or just throwing info to the audience.

2. Violet Evergarden

Recommended for people who: cry to sad movies, like gorgeous animation, are very empathetic, like vignette-esque storytelling

All right if you even remotely consider yourself an avid anime fan, then this anime is probably also somewhere on your 10/10 list or at least an anime you consider to be "very good." That is, unless you are that very vocal minority who simply really just REALLY do not like this anime for some god forsaken reason. However, in my honest opinion, I think an anime like this just really doesn't sit well with ... how do I put this blunty ... people who do not give a fuck about other people or anyone else's feelings but their own. Basically, IF YOU ARE SELFISH, A NARCISSIST, EGOTISTICAL, OR ANY SORT OF COMBO OF THOSE THREE, YOU WILL NOT LIKE THIS ANIME. And if you do, you probably don't think you're any of those things. Because of the anime's very premise, I find it very difficult to see a very self-centered/heartless person particularly enjoying this anime. The whole premise of this anime is that the main character who, because of her upbringing, doesn't understand feelings/emotions, especially the concept of love, grows as a human and slowly begins to learn what love is. The show does this by showing multiple sets of characters meant to represent different types of love (romantic, familial, platonic, etc). The vocal minority of people I've seen give Violet Evergarden bad ratings all typically argue that although beautiful, the anime doesn't have any substance/doesn't really mean anything. If that's honestly all you got after watching the entire show, then you deadass just don't get it, and you probably will never ever get it. If you've seen or heard of Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song, than just know that these two animes are VERY very similar in vibe despite being technically different genres. However, I personally found the themes and concepts in Vivy are done much more masterfully in Violet Evergarden which I think is due to Vivy's heavier focus on a story-driven overarching plot/action as opposed to Violet Evergarden's focus more on emotional impact/an episodic format. I've watched the entire series and I've rewatched the main show twice. TBH you can probably skip the gaiden movie AKA the one set at the girl's academy it was highkey pointless. Compared to the opera episode they added as a "special", the gaiden movie was still good but I wish resources were dedicated to something that actually added to the story. ALSO YES I KNOW ITS A GAIDEN AKA A SIDE STORY AKA FILLER SO YES NO DUH IT DIDNT ADD ANYTHING, BUT STILL. As for the main show, I think I cried for three episodes (the one about the playwright/author I forgot lol, the mother and daughter, and the soldier). On my rewatch, I didn't cry but I still deeply cared for and related to the characters. Violet Evergarden is a beautiful anime with a beautiful story.

3. ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu Ka

Recommended for people who: like bread and bakeries, don't mind a very chill and slow-paced story, like stories about political intrigue and hidden agendas

Based on a relatively short manga, ACCA: 13 follows the main character Jean Otus as he performs his job of auditing the 13 districts of his country Dowa, while rumors and politics brew in the background that threaten to entangle Jean into a complicated plot. To be honest, I think properly reviewing this anime is impossible for me, because I just can't really explain the vibes of this anime besides "chill" and "intriguing." I think trying to explain anything more than the basic premise I just wrote would spoil a lot of what ACCA is, because it's plot is actually relatively quite simple and straightforward. Compared to Psycho-Pass which has a relatively good cult following, and Violet Evergarden which is universally praised, ACCA is an anime that I've yet to personally meet anyone who has ever even heard of it LMAOO. And almost everyone I know watches anime, so that's saying something oof. ACCA is made by Madhouse, which if you don't know, is a super well known anime studio, producing big hits such as Death Note, Hunter x Hunter, One Punch Man, etc. That's why I'm surprised that ACCA has flown just SO under the radar, but that may be due to the overalls nature of the anime itself. ACCA is an anime where all the characters hold their card close and no one seems to really share their real thoughts. One main criticism the anime has is the lack of deeper connections to characters and that for a main character, Jean Otus is very bland. To be honest, I think that's a very fair criticism and I can understand why this would prevent people from rating this anime higher than an 8 or 7. Due to the very nature of the anime and its plot, I do agree that there is a huge cast of colorful characters that we unfortunately don't really get to know more about. To be honest though, I don't mind this because I feel that's honestly quite realistic, especially factoring in Jean's job. All these places he's going and all these people he's meeting, it's literally just his job. He's not on vacation, these people aren't his friends, so the anime has no real reason to dwell much longer on places past its specific episode. Just like in real life, you encounter so many people and go past so many places that you probably won't ever see again. So for me personally, I didn't mind that the anime didn't explicitly show much about the backstories or lives of the cast, save for the very main characters (as their backstories were plot relevant). I think as viewers of not simply an anime, but a whole other world, I think it should be satisfactory to inherently understand that these are whole "people" who have entire lives that we are not exactly privy to. So although admittedly our understanding of many of the characters was all around quite shallow, I think that works for the scope of the anime, which was relatively simple and focused on just Jean living his life and the political plot stirring in the background until it was brought forward in the second half of the anime. Also I love Jean Otus. I actually completely absolutely adore him. He is literally my profile pic for myanimelist LMAO. I think calling him "bland" is fair from other people's perspectives, especially as the supposed main character of an ANIME, but I feel that if ACCA was in a different format like a novel, I think his personality would have been less criticized. Like I said, I love him soo much. I don't find him bland at all, but actually very interesting and highkey attractive LOL (if only he'd quit smoking but it's part of his charm 😞). Yes for an anime "protagonist," he is quite underwhelming especially compared to others, but I think that makes him very charming!!! Like all he wants to do is just chill, vibe, and do his job lmaooo. I think as a person, he’s very charismatic, and in the world of ACCA the rest of the characters see that as well. Because like, if he really were such a bland person, why would so many people like him and actually trust him lol? As for why it’s technically my favorite anime of all time (my ultimate one is a movie), I can’t give super detailed reasons why to be honest. I just really like the overall vibes of the anime itself, and I think the anime is just super unique and original. I’ve watched a ton of anime over the years, but I’ve genuinely seen nothing like ACCA in the slightest. I mean, just look at the recommended animes on the myanimelist. The recommended animes are all stuff I’ve also personally really liked (like fugou keiji unlimited and the great pretender) but yeah there’s just truly nothing that’s close to what ACCA is, and because of that, it reminds my absolute favorite anime show. I’ve seen the dub and the sub, even though I am a vehement dub hater lmaooo (except for very few circumstances, and this also applies to all non-English media, not just anime). There was only one thing in the entire show that slightly confused me/ seemed slightly unbelievable and I won’t spoil but it had something to do with the overall timeline of some events, but it doesn’t detract from the story at all. Oh and the art style! I really love the art style of the anime. It stays pretty true to the manga, but is also just an overall kind of art style I really like. I really enjoy the more like 2d/flat/drawn art style versus really clean and really detailed stuff, and I’m typically not a big fan of very obvious use of CGI (unless done tastefully like in Demon Slayer). All the backgrounds in ACCA have this painted/drawn style and the anime itself has this like muted(?) filter over it that makes the anime seem like someone’s drawings just put up on display in a way that’s really refreshing and nice. I highly recommend this story for anyone who wants a breath of fresh air and to get away from the typical action-packed high energy of big name anime.

4. From Up on Poppy Hill

Imma make a whole separate post JUST for this movie so I can explain why I love this movie so so much. And honestly, Imma need a whole separate post in the first place to address the elephant in the room when it comes to this movie (if you’ve seen it, then you know what I’m talking about). And if you’ve haven’t seen the movie, maybe you’ve heard about one of its controversial themes. I’m not gonna say what it is, cuz I KNOW it’ll be super off-putting for a lot of people, but please omg just hear me out. I just love this movie so so much. I’ve seen it like 7 times and counting. I have it downloaded on my computer and on a flash drive. I’ve watched the sub AND the dub however I’ve stopped watching the dub because it makes me sad every time I hear Shun’s voice actor ;-; This movie is legit an honest-to-god comfort movie for me that I could watch over and over and I’ll fall in love with it again each and every time. And once again IMMA MAKE A WHOLE SEPARATE POST BECAUSE I SWEAR PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE “Yo ain’t this the movie with the -----” and it’s like PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN. The vibes of this movie, the themes it addresses (yes even THAT theme), the music, the art, the characters, is perfectly presented in a way that I will never stop watching this movie. The only other film that has come close to the amount of times I’ve watched From Up on Poppy Hill would be Legally Blonde lmaooooo. 

[jazillia007]

Thoughts on GG 4x3 Fall Guy

Things I did not enjoy:

Phoebe...

I’m sorry but we really said goodbye to Turner for... Phoebe? I know some would root for her to turn on her shitty FBI co-worker but that wouldn’t make her interesting. It would look desperate. xD I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind her being on track when it comes to Beth. But the reasons why she suspects Beth fall flat to me.

But now things might turn and I’m also weirdly looking forward to what’s gonna happen since she found that letter Beth left. *sigh* Why didn’t Beth think of that?

Beth’s new bed

The only good thing it. got character but dang it it’s so ugly and I will never not notice. LMAO

Fitzpatrick Part 1

Being the creepy dude he is. Like... ewww... The fact he is like “oh but WHY do you not want to go with me to the Fijis?”. I mean it’s not like Beth’s husband is in prison right now and she got 4 kids to take care of but whatever. And she said “NO”. But hey... creepers gonna be creepy.

So but then, Beth tells him exactly that... and... continue in the what I liked section here...

Thing I would’ve enjoyed if done differently:

Did I need those flashbacks with Dean to understand why Beth is staying with him?

No, I don’t think I needed it to know why she is staying with Dean because Beth herself verbally said why she stays with him in many episodes. But I also think we need to remember the majority of the viewers are casual viewers who don’t watch the episodes like fandoms do and casual viewers sometimes need everything to get spelled out for them. But I also think casual viewers aren’t dumb and sometimes writers should just trust them to know and understand things and circumstances.

I also think I would’ve liked it more if the flashbacks had included Beth’s relationship with her father or the non-existence of the very same. I think the reason why women tend to stay with men who are not good for them is because: they have a dysfunctional family (problematic mother, problematic father or both combined), they’re dependent on men, those men resemble the father or the women want to fix something that was broken in their own family (e.g. not having a father but wanting a family and a father for their own children).

But we didn’t get that. And I think it’s a shame the writers focus a great deal on showing Dean was the only good guy Beth knew at that time hence why she chose him when it would’ve been more interesting to explore the reason WHY Beth thought Dean was the only seemingly decent person.

Also, just because Dean was a nice guy back then doesn’t make his cheating and lying okay. And it doesn’t mean Beth needs to stay with him. If anything it worries me that the writers apparently think “look because he was nice back and he basically “saved” Beth and gave her stability, she needs to stay with him forever”. That’s not the case. As I said before if the writers adore Matthew Lillard so much, they can keep him, even as the ex-husband. Just a thought.

However, I think the flashbacks were filmed nicely as some already mentioned. And I liked the casting.

Things I enjoyed:

Kenny

I know some people missed it but Kenny is away for a tournament which explains why it seems Beth and Dean only got 3 children. The show explained it right away, so thankfully Kenny won’t disappear like Buddy did. xD

Dean not buying Beth’s “I love you”

You know I don’t like Dean but I kind of enjoy he isn’t buying Beth’s “I love you” anymore. I mean he is the last person to call her out because he cheated on her and told her he loves her after she found out to manipulate her as well but I just like we see Dean not buying it. Because WHO is actually still buying it when Beth is telling Dean “I love you”.

Ruby and Annie having priorities

I love how they’re like “Hey, you got 4 kids!” like even to them Dean isn’t a father who deserves to be out of prison.

On a sidenote: Ruby aka Retta is looking extra gorgeous this season. Oh MY!

Whatever is going on with Stan

Look I always wanted for Stan and Rio to team up. So please let it happen. But also whatever happens in the club, “the little bitch” and the “big bitch” this could have potential.

But I hope he doesn’t develope a drinking problem and I don’t need the tension between him and Ruby. But also kind of enjoy he got now secrets of his own.

Found the whole mom situation in the flashbacks more interesting than Dean

I think you deleted the post @medievalraven but I think there might be something going on with Beth’s and Annie’s mom which is more related to (TRIGGER WARNING) depression and suicidal thoughts. Which is actually a whole lot more interesting to explore than what a nice guy Dean was back then.

And it would play into what I said earlier. That whatever is going on in Beth’s family made her the person she is now and would explain why she acts in certain ways and why she is unable to leave Dean (except the writers apparently don’t WANT her to leave Dean as of now).

And whatever has been going on at home explains why Annie turned out the way she was back then and still is - especially when it comes to Dean.

Annie and Ben

As you know, I barely relate with Annie but I always enjoyed the most her relationship with her son and if the writers are doing anything right it’s writing this arc properly. It’s normal for Ben to want to stay with his father but at the same time it breaks my heart for Annie.

Fitzpatrick Part 2

Beth going off was everything I needed right now. Thank you, Beth, for telling him where your limits are!

And what a douchebag is Fitzpatrick to be like “oh but I thought you wanted more from your life”. We love guilt-tripping men - NOT. Just look at Dean. I mean... c’mon! Also for him to be like “but you hired me”... Yeah, she did hire you but not sending the message “I also want sex with you.” What is this guy!?

However, I would buy Beth’s speech a little more if she would pair it up with actions. Like divorcing Dean and you know the drill. It would be so much more consistent than having her say one thing but not living up to it. I mean on the other hand now she is somewhat tied to him because Dean plead guilty but still... We’re going in circles a little bit.

Rio/Brio

You know I know the pool table scene is splitting the fandom as always. And I’m just grateful I can watch the scene and enjoy it as a shipper but also enjoy it as a viewer.

I liked the whole “negotiation” between Beth and Rio. Rio did a really low blow when he told Beth if Dean is released from prison 3 years later he might be in better shape and even wanting to “hit it again”. I think we all know why Dean and Beth aren’t working out anymore on a sexual basis and so does Rio, so while Rio might be correct it was a low blow.

But I also enjoy how Rio doesn’t care one bit about Dean. He never did - since season 1. And Dean being a shitty husband and a even shittier businessman is playing a huge part in it. And I like Rio doesn’t even pretend to care.

But he still gives into her pleading. I know some people think he is already over Beth shooting him and maybe that’s the case but in Rio’s case that doesn’t mean he can’t be petty by pulling away the stick. It’s like him saying “I gave you the gun once and I won’t do it again and this is me retaining control. You play this game and we see where it goes with the money.” He is challenging Beth and he knows she would take the challenge.

At the same time, and some of my mutuals noticed it as well, I got 2x9 bedroom vibes which is weird. Especially since there are many mutuals who didn’t feel it or read the scene differently or didn’t like it at all.

The way he looked at her after pulling away the stick. There is a lack of music which I don’t think was a conscious choice unlike it was in the bedroom scene in 2x9 but it still heightened the tension of the scene. And then there suddenly is music and it’s melancholic almost.

Then of course Rio “teaching” Beth how to play pool, handson. And this is where it gets interesting for me. I know a lot of people read this scene differently or it left a different impression.

For me: I always thought that both Beth and Rio are having very mixed feelings right now for eachother. Mostly confused anger. Anger for obvious reasons and confusion because that despite the anger they can’t stop whatever their relationship is and whatever their feelings might be.

And I think in season 3, Rio never really touched Beth. Except for when he showed up alive and did the hair thing and then when he put his hand over hers when she wanted a drink and he thought she was pregnant.

I think this... Rio leaning over Beth and then smelling her. A smell he knows too well and once probably loved. This is the first time he is this close to her again. And same for her, I think that little headshake was mostly her being a little startled but also becoming very aware of his closeness.

And it’s so interesting to see how Rio steps back and does this shoulder roll. It’s like he was suddenly aware of what he was doing and somewhat wanted to shake it off.

And just a little note: the ball had the number 8 on it which can be read as “forever” or “eternity”. Me reading too much into it. :P

Then the moment is over but I just love the moment of joy after Beth winning the challenge and for Rio as well. And then it quickly goes back to business. I think if they’re doing anything well it’s that Brio right now is very much split into two halfs. And for me of course I know the hitman plan is still going which is baffling to me. So of course this dampens any excitement I might have during Brio scenes.

Even though, we can safely say they won’t go through with the hitman plan, and especially now when Beth has hurt Fitzpatrick’s ego. He was pretty calm but I feel like he will mess up on purpose. I don’t think FItzpatrick takes rejection well. Just my thoughts on that. He was way too calm for someone who would hurt a person over raw salmon.

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

[emoticonreview]

The Duck

This is a good boi, he smiling very politely. I would allow my daughter duck to marry this handsome boi. I love how the feathers overlap, very nice and the shading is great! No complaints about this boi. 10/10

I’m concerned. He’s seems very frightened, and I’m worried about his and the others ducks safety. They should stay inside. Otherwise, the colouring is a little weird, his head is very gray and the coloured feather should be blue. And while I like the idea of colouring the line art I don’t think it works for this boi, definitely clashing with that horrid gradient. Blink once if your in need of assistance. 4/10

Ok so he’s either dancing or has a broken neck. The lack of emotion in his eyes leads me to the latter unfortunately. I kinda like the thicc line art on this boi, makes the scene more dramatic. His legs are giving me more of a pigeon vibe though. Please someone take him to the hospital. 7/10

This fluff boi seems to have gotten into a bit of an oil spill by the looks of his bill. He’s very shiny for some reason, could it be oil residue or some cleaning product of some sort? The saturation of the colours on his body and on his feet and head don’t really match and it looks as if someone transplanted his legs and head onto the body of another duck. Speaking of his legs, someone definitely copy and pasted those. And his feathers on his tail almost look like they’re growing backwards. Points for being a good ole boi 3/10

Oh my. I love this boi. I love him so much. Look at that face. The new angle is super refreshing. He gives me puppy vibes with that look in his eyes. I love the shading of his back feathers, gives a great illusion of more feathers, this boi made my quarantine better. 100/10

It’s a little flat for my taste, just a little shading would give him more body but I like the angle of his bill, gives me Donald Duck vibes. He is soulless but he’s swimming so I’ll leave him alone to enjoy the water. 3/10

I’m surprised, Facebook usually hits the nail on the head with their animals. There’s just something about him that looks weird, and I’m not really sure what it is. The shading is good, and I love the little tuff of feathers on his tail. I dunno, I don’t hate him I guess. 5/10

I think this boi broke his leg, it’s bending in a very odd way, I hope he’s okay. He also has an irregularly long neck compared to the others as well as a irregularly large bill compared to the size of his head. I like the shade of brown of his feathers and it grows great with the green of his head. He is very dapper, he makes sure to get his feathers groomed weekly. 8/10

What is up with OpenMoji. Why do they do this? It vexes me. Why doesn’t he have any eyes? Why is his bill so small? Why are his legs the small colour as his feathers? I’m not really sure what to say. I’m a little scared of OpenMoji. -8/10

Wow, what a handsome boi. I love the unique take on this one, and he looks very kind. Shading is good, I’m glad it’s not just a gray gradient, that would’ve made him look dead. Pretty sure it’s a goose though. 9/10

Aight so, I don’t post super often here, but with nothing much else to do I’ve got a new motivation. Also feel free to recommend emojis, that could be cool.

Anyways this is my art instagram: @mep_arts, please rate and review like I do here, lmao be ruthless