#reaper sitcom

[basementcereal]

I keep thinking about the grim reaper sitcom. Here’s a pitch okay

So the first epsiode is sensitivity training; and it starts w William looking exhaustedly at the camera. “This is about Grelle.” He says (laugh track). Pause. “Not because…no. It’s just She’s caused the most issues.” (Laugh track) And then it cuts to them all in a board meeting. William is talking about discrimination. He basically starts with, “some of you should know…discrimination is good. You need to discriminate from humans, which are our clients, and DEMONS-“ (laugh track as it pans to grelle) William starts like “some of you have been treating them inappropriately” and grelle’s all 😘”hell yeah I have…really inappropriately ;))” and the laugh track goes OFF and she and Ronald high five and there’s this 15 second pause as William stares dead eyed into the camera. And the ep continues … that’s all I got HAHDHAH

istg i am this close to sitting down and writing the first episode of this thing (and i would use this as my starting point)

[puppetmaster13u]

Another Prompt in Memes?! Yes.

[blazefirefox]

Dreams of an Insomniac Voice Claims Part 2: The Important OCs

[yeah re-uploading this video because it wasn't showing up in any of the tags for some reason, and I spent too long on this for it to flop this hard, so putting it up again!]

wowie, voice claims? part 2? can't believe it. So yeah, this is the sequel to my doai voice claims about a month ago, except with some of my OCs, so hopefully this doesn't flop! (please god no). I decided I'll make an extra video between this and the last video with the rest of my little guys dedicated to some of the other doaiblrina's ocs and some other guys that are special cases :].

since these are ocs, I should probably explain them:

Jinx (middle stage) - the point where Jinx could finally gain some traits of her own, and where her appetite for humans became harder to ignore

Jinx - self explanatory, she's my main blorbo; this form was the result of her consuming Clarisse (who we'll get to later)

Barbara Collier-Rhodes - widow; lady Barbara consumed

Barbara - Jinx's original partner; mostly went for those in mourning, but tried not to consume humans when she could

Mollie - one of the twins made from when a single piece of veldi goop consumed a pair of twins, the brains of her trio, and the most unpredictable (note: there are two vc's for her because 1) cheelai and larxene sound similar and 2) they both fit mollie, so yeah)

Archer - same origins as Mollie, a bit of a dumbass, and a slightly better hunter than his sister; both live for the hunt rather than the feast

Warren (originally named Marxus) - completes the trio with Archer and Mollie; has the patience of a god im jealous of them, and one of the only veldigun the twins would willingly listen to

Clarisse von Arnham - the lead huntress for the Lankmann Foundation; has been there since long before the foundation was known by the public and was the one who captured Winfrey, but met her end when Jinx both devoured her mind and consumed her actual body

as always, please ask questions!

special thanks to @mapalssyrup for being my emotional support through this and in general lol

[dire-kumori]

coming into your inbox to give you some scooped mike body horror:

Trichobatrachus robustus is a species of frog that, when threatened, will break its bones to make the bones pierce through their own skin so the jagged bone pieces can be used as claws. I'm just thinking about scooped Mike (paradoxical reaper or otherwise) being able to do that kind of thing, too. Using his own tendons for ropes, turning his bones into claws/weapons, peeling off his skin and leaving patches of moldy purple slime for people to slip and fall on during a chase scene or an ambush. rip to young Mike the first time he witnesses any of these horrors :/

Kats, this is absolutely horrific in the best possible way and I am deeply grateful for the absolutely disgusting and fucked up mental images this gave me of a severely mutilated Reaper Mike violently stabbing into kid Mike with his own sharpened bones, probably with his own curdled, rotten blood dripping from his face into young Mike's mouth and face as he screams in agony.

But I have to take a moment to laugh over the fact that this animal that inspired this is also called a hairy frog.

I like the idea that Mike actually starts drawing his nightmares right as he wakes up to try to remember as much as possible from each timeline. So one day one of his family members decides to snoop to figure out what the hell is up with him lately, and finds his sketchbook filled up with the most twisted, detailed, monstrous images they'd ever seen.

On the other hand, I can see him doing some of these things in the Scooped Sitcom AU to entertain Evan. Make himself look goofy or make new toys for his brother to play with.

[crimson-violets]

Ronald and Grell should have their own sitcom where they’re best friends going through the challenges and drama of working as reapers for eternity and romances they have along the way. Except tons of adult humor and they’re both bisexual and proud of it. Ronald is also a Trans Ally and looks up to Grell as an older sister and Grell to Ronald as a younger brother and their friendship is initially brother and sister like however they eventually develop feelings towards each other and in the end, end up a couple. ❤️ I’d watch the shit out of that.

[wickedthing]

just finished my goblin (kdrama) rewatch. ill never emotionally recover

[brnesblogposts]

facetime.

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

reblobs appreciated :))

———————————————

The TV was on in the background, a comfort sitcom playing as you scrolled through your socials endlessly. Bored now you opened messages, pressing on your only pinned contact, Bucky.

''hey, wyd'' you sent only seconds before it told you he'd read it, and then his contact photo flashed up because he was calling you. You groaned internally because you hated talking on the phone, it was so awkward for no reason and you could never figure out if it was your turn to speak or not. You answered;

“Hi, dollface” Bucky knew the effect that name had on you and you could see him smirk as he saw your cheeks heat up.

“Bucky you know I don’t like talking over the phone.. that’s why I texted you!” You groaned and he only laughed in response.

“Missed that pretty face of yours” His smile along with those words made you hide your face in your knees which were bent up against your chest.

“Don’t go shy on me, baby..” He laughed enjoying how flustered you got because of him “let me see my girl.” He cooed. Begrudgingly you lifted your now flushed face to look back at the screen to see his victorious grin.

“There she is” He smiles. “How come you texted me?” He does you a solid and changes the subject.

“I’m bored” You frown dramatically which Bucky finds so endearing.

“You’re bored?” he smiles “You know i’m on a mission right? A very important top secret mission”

“If it’s so important then why are you on your phone!” You furrow your eyebrows at him “and, why’d you call me” you all but grin.

Bucky is laughing before sighing “Well Sam is on patrol right now, looking for any activity and I thought I would use my break and be a great boyfriend and check on my girl. But if you don’t wanna talk to me then I guess i’ll hang up..” He dramatically rolls his eyes and in the camera you can see his hand going towards the screen.

“No!” You squeal and he smiles at your reaction.

“No?” He smirks.

“Please don’t hang up, if you do I might die of boredom and then you wouldn’t have a girlfriend anymore” Shaking your head you sigh.

“Well we can’t have that..” He holds back his laugh “I guess i’ll save you from the impending doom of boredom”

“Aren’t you sweet!” You smile

“Not as sweet as you my angel” This makes you blush once again and he chuckles.

“Stop doing that” You respond quietly as your face is still red.

“Stop doing what, doll?” Bucky plays dumb knowing this will only invoke you further.

“Don’t play dumb, you know what you’re doing” You glare down the phone at him.

“I’m not playing dumb. Tell me, what am I doing sweetheart?” That shit eating grin is back on his face. You groan. “You’re cute when you’re flustered” He retorts.

“Shut up!” You hide your face once again in embarrassment and hear his booming laugh on the other end of the phone, music to your ears.

“Okay, fine. I’ll stop I promise!” You’re sure he’s lying “Just take your face out of your knees?” As you do so you see the pout he’s sporting that quickly turns into a smile when he sees you again.

“My pretty girl” Bastard. You try to remain expressionless, the blush on your neck and cheeks betraying you.

“Bucky.”

“Yes, dollface?” Hes having so much fun.

A smile is threatening to break through your facade.

“Is your boredom cured yet?” He asks, to which you realise it is, because he has flustered you so much you are now overwhelmed rather than bored.

“Actually.. yeah.” You nod.

Bucky furrows his brows “Where is my thank you? I saved you from the grim reaper of boredom” He fakes an angry expression.

“Thank you, baby.” You respond with a smile seeing his cheeks redden a bit.

“You’re welcome, lyubov. (my love)”

The both of you seemed to fall into a comfortable silence as you just looked at each other through your phones for a few minutes until a sound came from Bucky’s end.

“Sam’s back. I have to go” A sadness tainted his voice.

“I love you, stay safe i’ll see you soon” You blew a kiss to him through the screen.

“I love you too, doll” He imitated catching the kiss and smiled then hung up, leaving you to stare at your phone wallpaper of the both of you making silly faces on one of your first dates.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for never watching shows that my friends recommend?

I have a couple of friends who always want to recommend me shows to watch so we can talk about them together. But frankly I don't like TV as a medium very much, I don't watch very many shows outside of a couple of sitcoms that I rewatch a lot. Mostly I prefer to read a lot of books, it's more fun to me.

This really annoys my friends, because they feel like I could be spending the time I use to read and rewatch brooklyn 99 to watch the shows they recommend, and say they feel like I'm kinda ignoring their interests. I don't feel like I'm ignoring them since I'm happy to listen to them talk about their blorbos and tell me about the shows, I just don't want to watch them myself.

I always counter that neither of them have ever read a single book I've recommended to them, but they claim that it's not the same, since they don't read at all, and I do watch a little TV. But correspondingly I have watched (or at least tried and then DNF'ed) several shows that they have recommended over the years.

To me, watching an anime with hundreds of episodes or watching several seasons of some prestige drama with hour-long episodes is not fun at all. I can feel my life slipping away second by second into the hands of the grim reaper as I sit motionless in front of the screen.

I think we should just accept that we have differing tastes in media, and they need to stop taking it personally that I don't like their shows. I don't want them to think I look down on them for enjoying TV as opposed to reading--I know a lot of people get really snobbish about that, so I try to make it super clear that I don't think TV is like, a lower art form or something, different mediums are better for different people, there's no hierarchy.

But I do want them to feel like we have stuff in common to talk about. And I'm having this same issue with multiple friends. And the huge list of recs that I keep adding to and then never watching is making me feel really guilty, and think maybe I'm being an asshole.

[silverware-drawer]

I think of qsmp as a sitcom. It's like Friends, except for every episode there's another 14 hours that are just chandler wandering around talking to himself, and sometimes small children. also he's the grim reaper. and okay so maybe the qsmp is nothing like a sitcom, and maybe I dont actually know anything about Friends and have never actually seen a single episode, but listen-

[apomaro-mellow]

ST Fics Masterpost Updated 8/18/24

Walking in On Your Parents ONESHOT

Turkey Day ONESHOT

Supernatural Steddie Part 1 AO3 alt (has more parts)

Steve Disappears in the Upside Down: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 COMPLETED

Wingman Nancy: Original Post Pilot post Part 1 Official Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 COMPLETED

Steve being jealous of a guitar  spicy extra COMPLETED

Older kids and walkie-talkies ONESHOT

Welcome to Hawkins: Primer Main Body (AO3)

Newly Wed Game: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 COMPLETED

Dustin’s Nature Doc Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (COMPLETED)

Soul Eater ficlet ONESHOT

Steve plays Dnd in secret ONESHOT

Incubus!Steve x Vampire!Eddie ONESHOT

Argyle Babysits ONESHOT

Eddie and his Puppybats Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (COMPLETED)

Ronance Working together Part 1 ONESHOT

Demon!Steve smut ONESHOT Extra

Steve thinks their son takes after Eddie ONESHOT

Steddie vampires ONESHOT

Vampire!Eddie wants Steve ONESHOT

Rock and Rule AU Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Eddie being jealous of himself ONESHOT

Steve being the grim reaper of sex ONESHOT

Tommy watches Part 1 Part 2 COMPLETED

Eddie being alive ONESHOT

Steve seducing Kas!Eddie ONESHOT

Night at the Museum AU ONESHOT

Thumbelina AU Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 COMPLETED

Eddie and Kas body sharing Part 1 Part 2 Part 3A Fluffy Part 3B Smutty  Part 4 Part 5 COMPLETED

Wayne shows the baby photos ONESHOT

X-men au scene

King Eddie and Prince Steve Part A Part B Part C Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28

Reverse Little Mermaid Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Cindereddie Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Steve falling for Eddie's goofiness ONESHOT

Steddathan Fake Dating (Steve/Eddie/Jonathan)  Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 COMPLETED

Eddie drinking Steve’s blood ONESHOT

Steddie goes to Action Park ONESHOT

Short a/b/o scene

5 times Eddie singled out Steve at a concert ONESHOT

The Bright Side (sitcom au) E01 E02 E03 E04 E05 E06 AO3 alt E07 E08 E09

Steddie singing when they part ways ONESHOT

Mafia short scenes Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Steve and Eddie break out into song while giving Lucas advice

Steve seduces Eddie to catch some zzzs

Time loop scene

2 Eddies, 1 Steve ONESHOT

Noir detective Eddie on the case of who cut Steve’s hair ONESHOT

Stobin working as burger joint carhops ONESHOT

Steve being an offering to the village god ONESHOT Extra

Steve sacrificed in a cult Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 COMPLETED

Eddie’s search for the treasure between Steve’s legs ONESHOT

Steddie dimension hopping Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Dialogue Prompts Prompt 1 Prompt 2 Prompt 3 Prompt 4 Prompt 5A Prompt 5B Prompt 6 Prompt 7 Prompt 8 Prompt 9 Prompt 10 Prompt 11 Prompt 12 Prompt 13

Eddie’s guitar turns into a human Version A ONESHOT

Eddie’s guitar turns into a human Version B Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 COMPLETED

Eddie steals a diamond for Steve ONESHOT

Infinity Train AU Ep 1 Ep 2 Ep 3

Barbarella!Steve Part 1 AO3 Steddie chapter

Steve’s Doppelgangers Part 1 AO3

Eddie gets his tonsils removed ONESHOT

Steve’s parents play matchmaker Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 COMPLETED

Wrong Number au Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 COMPLETED

Random word blurb

Fruity Four Sense8 ficlet

Ask Meme Prompts Prompt 1 Pining co-workers ficlet Tattoo shop ficlet  Artist!Steve Eddie gives some milk Mermaid/Pirate Baby Ollie Loneliness Steve sets up a scavenger hunt  Fantasy outcast sanctuary Grimm/ST crossover Steve had a puppy Bad barista Wayne makes the vest Frat Boy Steve Kiss Prompt Kiss of relief Eddie realizing he’s married w/kids Stobin graduation Stobin wedding dance Paintball date Geocaching

Passenger princess Steve ficlet

Stargyle ficlet

Pregnancy fluff a/b/o

Every Baby Needs a Daddy (sugar baby au) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Epilogue Extra COMPLETED

Pre S4 Rivals (Gift Fic) ONESHOT

Steddie parents think their kid might be fighting monsters ONESHOT

Forest Guardian WIP

Steddie Bingo 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 -

Hot for Teacher(s) AO3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

Trans Eddie smut ONESHOT

Steve goes on a trip and Eddie misses him ONESHOT

Steddie make love in a church before their wedding ONESHOT

Family Planning (a/b/o flour baby au) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Historical omegaverse oneshot

Buckingham oneshot

Merfolk a/b/o / Steddie POV

Demon!Eddie x Priest!Steve Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Eddie travels back in time ONESHOT

Whatever Stevie Wants (sequel to Every Baby) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Messages in a bottle ONESHOT

Dr. Munson assists Steve with omegan hysteria ONESHOT

O!Steve talks A!Eddie through knotting a sex doll ONESHOT

[soullessjack]

it genuinely kills me very slowly to think that some people can only ever think of jack as the destiel kid and not like an actual person with a myriad of maladjustments or silly funny personality quirks. like he has a whole special red and white fleece lined Christmas jacket and is canonically acknowledged as looking like a stupid hot white boy without any thoughts behind his eyes. He killed a whole fucking archangel and then decided that he really wanted to try making some friends like a week later. they wanna be normal and nice so bad and pretend to be some normal small town boy next door all the time but they were literally so angry once that it took three gunshots fired in the back to make him calm and reasonable.

he stress eats and stays in their room for weeks on end when they’re depressed or upset. they line their shoes up and fold their shirts and wear bright yellow vans and red hi-tops. he’s narratively paralleled to Anakin but his favorite character is Ahsoka. he pretended to be a coke addict and pretended to be a pretty new boy next door again to flirt with a hopelessly romantic girl. women want him and he’s absolutely clueless about it. women and men and probably fish fear him too. he dresses like a combination between an elderly man and a 70’s sitcom hippie. he was literally called Bieber and Suite Life. they like stripe patterns and Hawaiian pizza and movies and computers.

they’re literally an autistic person who just explodes shit when they get overstimulated. They watch riverdale and constantly sweep their hair back in a specific stylistic choice bc he likes looking like that. he fucking decapitated a whole Gorgon and then stole the guy’s snake as a trophy. he says shut up when he’s mad and calls things stupid and says they suck. he’s a teenage girl. he’s. A Teenage boy. He’s non-binary. He sat on the throne of god in grass stained jeans and clunky grandpa sneakers and left it all behind without even blinking as soon as his shitty bunker home called out to him. He sticks his tongue out when he’s focused on something and his left eye pulls up into a squint when he smiles reallt wide and his smile is crooked and he has sleepy eyelids . They decided to defy death herself just to rescue someone he mildly remembered caring about once and then blackmailed a reaper into helping with said rescue plan.

He got turned into the tiniest ugliest dog ever and got a thermometer shoved up his ass in the same episode where he’s narratively symbolized by the ouroboros symbol and makes the deliberate choice of destroying his soul just to selfishly keep his family bc he legitimately cannot handle thinking about losing them without going insane. his nicknames are sweetheart and darling boy and pal and buddy and Jackie Boy and slugger and he apologized to a girl for upsetting her like two episodes after ripping a man’s heart out and eating it raw. He literally actively wants to be a silly little guy that everyone likes but he’s so insane and unwell at the same time. he’s the best character ever and I need the entire world to understand this and to see him as more than just the destiel baby or I will also explode. .

[basementcereal]

DEAD END JOB, EP 1

“One Hell Of A Romance”

When Grelle falls in love with infamous devil Lucifer, William and Ronald team up to find her a less demonic boyfriend.

( 20 minute made-for-totally-real-tv script ahead. Click “Keep Reading” with caution. Rated TV-14 by Your Local Network. Beta read by @spike-the-creature @littleredphantom and @nullb1rdbones. Copywrong 1988 Tumblr User Basementcereal, Inc. )

INT. BOARD ROOM - DAY

Disney channel style jingle. Shot of the top floor of a building so tall it is in the clouds. There’s a giant neon sign at the top that says “Reaper HQ” in red lettering.

WILLIAM

We are here to discuss a certain woman in the workplace.

WILLIAM 

Grelle has been single for going on 5 years right now, and that is starting to become a workplace hazard.

RONALD

Tell me about it.

Cut to RONALD with his hand stuck in the vending machine.

RONALD

AGH! I can’t- OWWW! Get it out!

GRELLE

At least something wants to hold your hand…

RONALD

grelle my arm

GRELLE

SHE CARES ABOUT YOU! IF ONLY SOMEONE WOULD DO THE SAME FOR ME…

RONALD

GRELLE MY ARM

Cut back to the office.

RONALD

I always hated that vending machine.

SASCHA

Oh, Grelle has been a menace ever since I got transferred here.

Cut to SASCHA in the halls trying to find the retrieval break room.

SASCHA 

Hey, uh, do you know where the retrieval division’s break room is?

GRELLE 

You know, I’D like a break from being single, but NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE ME!

Awkward pause.

SASCHA

Have you tried magazine ads?

GRELLE

OF COURSE I HAVE! But APPARENTLY I’m just too beautiful for mortal men. 

Cut back to the office.

SASCHA

Ja. She has been causing problems.

WILLIAM 

Well, we clearly have to do something about this, otherwise it is going to become a much worse problem than it already is.

Cut to WILLIAM’s imagination.

Grelle is chasing the other reapers around with her chainsaw. Everyone is running in terror. The building is on fire. Some guy is collapsed on the floor. Interns are jumping out the windows.

GRELLE

FINALLY, MY FLAME! WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER! EEEAAAAHHH!

She does a little twirl as the entire building begins to collapse with her in it.

Cut back to the office.

WILLIAM shudders.

WILLIAM

We need to get that woman a boyfriend, and fast.

RONALD

Well, what do we DO?

WILLIAM

We are going to try and find the most beautiful reapers in our whole department to show her all her options.

(heel noises)

WILLIAM

Oh god. Everyone act natural.

GRELLE bursts into the room. 

GRELLE

What are you doing, having a meeting without me? What are you saying about me? Are you gossiping? OOOH, I wanna hear it! 

Cut to a close up of WILLIAM’s face. Cut again to a close up of GRELLE’s face smiling excitedly. Cut to WILLIAM’s face again.

WILLIAM

Yes, actually.

GRELLE

Well, I’m sure you heard that I got a boyfriend! And HE’S SO HANDSOME!

GRELLE twirls again. WILLIAM looks relieved, and then tries to put on his best schoolgirl voice.

WILLIAM

Well, who is he? What’s his name?

GRELLE 

LUCIFER! But I just call him Lulu~

Uncomfortable silence. All the reapers kinda just awkwardly look at each other.

WILLIAM

You.

WILLIAM 

You do know who Lucifer is, right?

GRELLE

Why would I not? He’s kind, and loving, and SO HOT.

WILLIAM

Well, maybe he’s hot because he’s. From hell. Because you’re dating THE DEVIL.

GRELLE

YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!

WILLIAM 

Does he have horns, fangs, and a tail?

GRELLE looks VERY embarrassed.

WILLIAM

What did I tell you? Demon-reaper relationships are HIGHLY PROHIBITED. Not only are the demons our enemies, but they are also. Just really gross. Why would you date one.

GRELLE

AT LEAST SOMEONE LOVES ME!

WILLIAM

Okay. Look. If I can find you someone even more. Ahem. “Hot” than The Devil, then will you break up with him and date your perfect match?

GRELLE 

I mean, I suppose. But if you can’t, I’m going on another date with him tomorrow!

WILLIAM

I’d fire you all if I could. Anyways. Ronald, you’re going to go find the… “HOTTEST”… reaper in the building. I’m going to show Grelle… (sigh) pretty boy magazines.

GRELLE

OHH, this is the best day of my life!

INT. SKULLBY CONVENIENCE - DAY

Wide shot of Skullby Convenience at the bottom of the building. Disney channel jingle.

GRELLE

Oh, Skullby Convenience, how I love you. If only you would return my affections, like NO ONE EVER HAD! At least, not before him… My Lulu…

WILLIAM

Oh my god.

WILLIAM

So, where do you even find those stupid magazines?

GRELLE

Oh, can’t I just do a little bit of shopping? We’re already out and about.

WILLIAM

NO. We do not have time to waste. We’re getting you that magazine, and we’re getting it as fast as we can. Skullby Convenience is laid out to have you waste as much money as they can and put your salary back into the budget.

Awkward silence.

WILLIAM

WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING?

GRELLE 

OOH! Look at the guy on the cover! He’s SO HANDSOME!

WILLIAM

It’s called “Maneater”? Sounds completely and utterly frivolous. It is perfect.

The magazine shows a picture of SEBASTIAN in bodyguard gear.

GRELLE

“Sebastian Michaelis, the hot bodyguard of famous child actor Ciel Phantomhive”? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I love his hair! And his face! And his-

WILLIAM

Grelle, please stop, we are in a public place.

GRELLE

UGH, fine. You never let me have ANY fun.

WILLIAM

I am letting you buy low brow perverted magazines and letting you write it off as a business expense. Do you think that isn’t fun?

More awkward silence.

WILLIAM

Let’s just get in that stupid line.

The two begin to line up.

CASHIER

That’ll be 99.99.

LINE REAPER

Hold on, let me just get out my pennies. I swore to my great aunt in 1923 that I would always use exact change.

LINE REAPER begins to rummage through her purse aggressively.

WILLIAM

I hate people like that. You can just use a hundred dollar bill like a functioning member of society. 

GRELLE

Or you can just steal it!

WILLIAM

GRELLE.

GRELLE Borrow it without asking.

WILLIAM

UGH. I hope for all of our sakes that Ronald is doing better than we are…

EXT. INTERN BREAK ROOM - DAY

RONALD

Ok, you’re decent looking, but not good enough for this. Pass.

RONALD

Yikes. Never. Pass.

RONALD

Did someone drop an anvil on your head when you were born or something? PASS.

RONALD UGH, no one who works here is hot enough for Grelle to date instead of that stupid demon guy. What’s his face? Loafer? What kind of parent names their kid Loafer?  

RONALD

And more importantly, why do I have to do this instead of, oh I don’t know, my job?

INTERN

Uh, boss man?

RONALD Intern, hi. Know if any of your male colleagues are really hot?

INTERN

Ok, that’s a weird question. 

RONALD I know, I know. But can you just answer it? The higher ups are being weird again and I’m trying not to get demoted.

INTERN Well, I do know a guy in retrieval. Cool outfit and the best hair I’ve ever seen. It’s so long, you’d think he’d been growing it out since BEFORE it was cool. Heard he came out of retirement because we’re short on staff.

Short comedic pause.

RONALD

Yeah, that’ll do it.

EXT. MANAGEMENT BREAK ROOM - DAY

GRELLE

Sebastian! Ohh, such a pretty name! And he’s a bodyguard, too! That’s like, the fifth hottest profession! EEEEE!

GRELLE

But can I truly find him and make him mine? Not until that brat he’s working for starts filming his next movie, I suppose.

WILLIAM

And when do you think that’s going to happen?

GRELLE Well, I could try tracking his soul’s activity! Ooh, that’ll be fun!

WILLIAM Grelle, you do realize you aren’t supposed to check other reapers’ lists? Did you even READ the manual?

GRELLE stares silently at WILLIAM.

WILLIAM

Well, you can borrow mine for now.

WILLIAM pulls out a comically large book that has “Employee Handbook” printed on the front. It comes with a little bookmark with skulls all over it.

GRELLE YOU READ THE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK?

WILLIAM

YOU DIDN’T???

GRELLE

I JUST KINDA GUESSED THE RULES!

WILLIAM

YOU GUESSED THE RULES???

GRELLE YOU DIDN’T???

SASCHA walks in.

SASCHA

Uh. Is this the bathroom?

WILLIAM and GRELLE both turn to SASCHA and say something that is comedically censored by a giant beep.

SASCHA

I guess not.

WILLIAM and GRELLE resume their arguing. The scene fades out.

EXT. REAPER HQ - DAY

RONALD stands outside a dumpster, looking around.

RONALD

Okay. So I’ve been on every floor. ALLLL 1000 of them. If this man isn’t here, I’m going to lose my mind.

UNDERTAKER pops out of a dumpster.

UNDERTAKER

DID SOMEBODY SAY LOSE THEIR MIND? UEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!

RONALD stares into the camera, then turns over to UNDERTAKER. And then he begins to realize.

Cut to flashback.

INTERN Well, I do know a guy in retrieval. Cool outfit and the best hair I’ve ever seen. It’s so long, you’d think he’d been growing it out since BEFORE it was cool. Heard he came out of retirement because we’re short on staff.

Short comedic pause.

RONALD

Yeah, that’ll do it.

“That’ll do it” echoes while the scene transitions back to the dumpster.

UNDERTAKER

Whatcha starin into space for?

RONALD

I need your help. And fast.

INT. HQ ELEVATOR

RONALD

And now, all I have to do is press the but-

UNDERTAKER

ELEVATORS! Haven’t ever used one of these!

RONALD

OK, either you’ve been using the stairs this ENTIRE TIME, which, how? Or you don’t actually work here. And anyways, where are your glasses? I can get you some on floor-

Before RONALD can finish speaking, UNDERTAKER has already pressed every single elevator button. For every floor. All 1000 of them.

RONALD

It’s days like these where I wish I would get demoted to a Skullby Convenience employee.

INT. MANAGEMENT BREAK ROOM - DAY

GRELLE and WILLIAM are sitting on the couch, going over the manual.

GRELLE

How much more is there? My eyes are starting to glaze over…

WILLIAM

What do you mean? We’re only on page 7! There’s 4020 more!

GRELLE chuckles.

WILLIAM

What in god’s name is so funny about 4020?

GRELLE keeps laughing.

GRELLE

I’m sorry, I just-

GRELLE laughs so hard that she starts falling over onto the couch, hitting WILLIAM in the face with her heels.

WILLIAM

Remember the deal. You finish reading the manual, so you can finally have a shred of sense, and in return you get to go to Funtom Productions and stalk that stupid bodyguard.

GRELLE

YES, OBVIOUSLY I REMEMBER THE DEAL! YOU JUST MADE IT WITH ME! WHY DID YOU SAY IT AGAIN?

WILLIAM

You know what, I don’t know. Perhaps there is some narrative reason. Exposition, perhaps.

GRELLE

That’s ridiculous. Nobody would ever write a story about us.

WILLIAM

You’re right, you’re right.

WILLIAM

Now onto page 8 we go.

GRELLE

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy

INT. HQ ELEVATOR

RONALD and UNDERTAKER are stuck in the elevator. 

RONALD

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PRESS EVERY BUTTON? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT FLOOR WE’RE STUCK ON!

UNDERTAKER

HEEHEE! I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A LITTLE LAUGH A YOUR EXPENSE!

RONALD

Well, because of you, we’re BOTH stuck in this stupid thing.

UNDERTAKER

FINE. I’m SORRY for pressing all 1000 elevator buttons.

RONALD

No you’re not.

UNDERTAKER

EHEHE, you got me!

RONALD

Well, what now? Do we just wait until the repair reapers come?

UNDERTAKER

They have those?

RONALD

Yeah, a surprising amount of reapers just end up in maintenance. I can’t imagine having to be a janitor for all of eternity. I don’t LIKE field work, but at least I don’t have to clean all 1000 floors of this place.

UNDERTAKER looks at RONALD mischieviously.

RONALD

Speaking of 1000 floors, I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO STOP ON 998 FLOORS BEFORE THE ELEVATOR BROKE DOWN! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT! JUST TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. COULDN’T HAVE BEEN THAT HARD! BUT NOOOOOO.

Comedic pause.

UNDERTAKER

99 bottles of souls on the wall, 99 bottles of souls,

RONALD

That’s not even how that works.

UNDERTAKER

Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of souls on the wall.

RONALD

(sigh) 98 bottles of souls on the wall, 98 bottles of souls, take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of souls on the wall.

UNDERTAKER

97 bottles of souls on the wall, 97 bottles of souls, take one down, pass it around, 96 bottles of souls on the wall.

EXT. MANAGEMENT BREAK ROOM - SUNSET

MANY HOURS LATER

GRELLE

FINALLY! ALL 4020 PAGES! 

GRELLE twirls at the sight of freedom in front of her.

GRELLE

Now for your end of the deal, Will.

WILLIAM

(sigh) Fine. You can go find that stupid bodyguard. At least he isn’t a demon.

GRELLE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GRELLE runs off very quickly and excitedly, despite wearing heels higher than a stoner.

WILLIAM

Finally, I can go home…

EXT. FUNTOM PRODUCTIONS - NIGHT

GRELLE crouches with binoculars in one of the bushes outside Funtom Productions. She smiles evilly. 

GRELLE (thinking)

Now to wait for him to go outside.

SEBASTIAN goes outside.

SEBASTIAN

I must say, I swear I heard something…

GRELLE freezes.

SEBASTIAN

Must have been nothing.

GRELLE sighs in relief.

SEBASTIAN

Oh. It’s back.

SEBASTIAN

You know, I could swear I heard someONE who isn’t supposed to be here.

GRELLE (THINKING)

Run.

GRELLE dashes out of the bush and climbs onto the fence. SEBASTIAN grabs GRELLE’s shoe in an attempt to stop her, but her shoe just falls off.

GRELLE (THINKING)

I just got those…

GRELLE makes it over the fence, tumbling over the other side. Her other shoe falls off in the process.

GRELLE

I really should have worn runners… Who am I kidding, I don’t even own runners. At least I won’t get my socks muddy.

It starts comically pouring rain.

GRELLE

OH FOR FU-

INT. WILLIAM’S OFFICE- NIGHT

GRELLE shows up in the office, covered in mud, frizzy hair, and no shoes with the biggest frown on her face.

WILLIAM

I’m assuming that went well.

GRELLE

YEAH. WENT GREAT. OH JOY.

WILLIAM

To be fair, you did try and sneak into a celebrity’s house to try and flirt with his bodyguard. I don’t know what you were expecting there.

GRELLE

YOU TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME INSTANTLY.

WILLIAM

I was being sarcastic.

 GRELLE

I- BEING SARCASTIC? YOU GOT MY HOPES UP FOR NO REASON! YOU MADE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE! SO I AM going on another date with LULU…

RONALD and UNDERTAKER come into the room.

RONALD

Grelle! I found you a boyfriend.

UNDERTAKER

Groovy.

GRELLE stares at UNDERTAKER in complete awe.

GRELLE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LOVE HIS HAIR! AND HIS FACE! AND HIS-

WILLIAM

Grelle. We’re at work.

GRELLE

LUCIFER IS DUMPED. DONE. FOREVER. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!

UNDERTAKER

hee hee

GRELLE and UNDERTAKER act ridiculously around each other. WILLIAM and RONALD stare in fear.

RONALD

It’s like a match made in heaven.

WILLIAM

Or rather in hell.

RONALD

Purgatory?

WILLIAM

Purgatory.

INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT

RONALD

I (huff) am not (huff) going in the elevator (huff) ever again (huff)

UNDERTAKER slides down the stairs on a pizza box like a little kid.

UNDERTAKER

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

RONALD

99 more flights of stairs to go down, 99 more flights of stairs.

RONALD

Take one down, pass it around, 98 more flights of stairs to go down.

RONALD collapses. Cut to black for everywhere but RONALD’s face. Disney channel jingle. Roll the credits.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Goblin - Ep 2

I really hope this is a real sign that they just have in Canada. Can any Canadians confirm? Are fairy sighting signs a real thing?

I really hope this is also a thing

I mean in Quebec it's probably more likely to be French but this still made me laugh

I love her

Oh my god I am obsessed with that top the Grim Reaper is wearing. Did someone have to lace him into that like a corset?

I don't think it's unreasonable for the goblin to have a bride and also a groom

Ooh is the spinach cursed? I love that people just keep randomly giving her vegetables

I definitely haven't been standing here for ages waiting for you to walk past. He's such a dork I love him.

He does wear some excellent knitwear in this

Is everyone in this bisexual? Eun Tak was totally checking out the hot lady

Proposed to a man at the start of the episode. Hit on a woman halfway through the episode. Good for her!

HAHA! Interrupted her betrothed's dinner to tell him about her hot new boss

I cannot with how cute he is. Totally stealing every scene he's in

I was expecting him to be all dark and brooding and angsty and instead he's...this

Oh my god

The poor grim reaper just wants to sleep in his nice comfy bed instead of dealing with this nonsense

HAHAH! Oh my god I'm dying. There should be a whole sitcom about these two living together

They really need to kiss though

I am obsessed with her cute little work outfit

Doesn't say anything about the same sex though 😏

Oh she's actually older than I thought

It's about to get awkward when he has to explain that the grim reaper is his housemate

Aww this poor girl. She has no idea about all the outfit changes and props he's been through to try and impress her.

I love him

I love her getting all the info she needs from the local ghosts

Oh those dudes are going to regret kidnapping her very soon I think

AHHHHHHH! They both came to save her! OT3! OT3!

[blazefirefox]

yippee! doai (+ ocs as memes!) I decided to do this and literally finished in an hour???? because the world hates me, all the videos I compiled for this are almost 20 minutes, which Tumblr can't handle, so I just cut them in half and will start working on the other half at a later date. HOWEVER, the first half was apparently too big for Tumblr, so I split that in half and I will upload the other half of THIS in a second lmao

some stuff:

this includes some OCs that I have not revealed yet

this also includes scenarios from the DOAI sitcom au

this also includes ocs from my dear friend @mapalssyrup's au, Bleeding From Every Orifice (‼️which I do not own‼️)

the memes from said AU will be labeled with BFEO and the ones from the sitcom au will be labeled, well, sitcom au

when someone is labeled "Mortimer Gray", it was mortimer when he was human, and when it's just "Mortiemer", that's when he's veldigunified(tm)

same applies for Alex

alright enjoy

EDIT: here's part two

[sagasimsworld]

In the darkness of night I decided to find out if it is possible to rejuvenate Bonehilda and have a relationship with her. I was surprised.

Just in case: do not eat or drink while reading this post, plz. :D

Bonny is not happy about this idea too:

Firstly, I placed the Jelly Beans and Cow Plant on lot - but Bonehilda completely ignored Beans, and Cow ignored Bonny.

I waited a day and decided to change tactic. I like orange ghosts - so I decided to drop a meteor on Bonehilda.

I casted 3 meteors, 1 sim on family lot died... but it didn't hurt Bonny.

After it I decided to play seriosly and aged Bonehilda by MC. It worked - she died:

Then I revived her by MC - and it was mistake. After revival Bonehilda was revived as undead maid - and didn't appear in character panel.

So I killed her by aging for the second time and raised her as playable ghost - and that worked!

Despite resurrected as ghost, Bonehilda isn't a ghost - she behaves like a normal sim with certain limitations (I'll talk about it later).

Also, she has resistance to flame.

After completing the first phase, I proceeded to next step. Rejuvelation.

Luckily, my werewolf lady had enough points to buy 'Young Again' potion. This potion was gifted to Bonehilda.

And that's what happened next:

Holy cow! I NEVER EXPECTED THIS!

She has a human head now but under the skin she's still Bonehilda!

After surviving this discovery I decided to change her style. World, meet a new Bonehilda!

To continue the experiment, I decided to add a Reaper and a daemon dude to family and move an unusual trio to new house.

'Hey buddy, we are your new neighbours'

In a new lot I planned to arrange a romantic sitcom. But it didn't happen because Bonehilda didn't get a full functionality of standard sim. Her relationships existed only while she was interacting with another sim and nullified after talk ended. No matter how hard poor lady tried to make friends, her curse - or amnesia - ruined every attempt.

To fool that mechanics, I several times sent her to theater to have a wohoo - luckily enough, for such event relationship is not needed - but after ~8 attempts she still didn't get pregnant.

I decided to save a game and continue the experiment later. But, unfortunately, I didn't take Bonny's coffin to new lot, and when I loaded a game, Bonehilda turned into a regular sim. This is her real face:

She is a default sim with '0' in every slider. Interestingly, she has non-standard hair color.

Seeing this... I sighed and returned to previous save, where she still lived in previous house. It that save she still had a skeleton look - due to coffin in lot, I suppose.

To save a time, this time I used MC to make her pregnant. She got a standard body during the pregnancy:

But after the birth of daughter her skeleton look returned after clicking on 'everyday outfit'.

Her daughter is a regular sim and doesn't have any problems with relationships.

I saved her daughter to gallery and stopped an experiment at this step. But if you have any ideas to be checked, you are welcome!

Bonus. Meeting your past self.

[the-lonelybarricade]

for a future request, on rhys' birthday (set for the end of rhys week), we see grim!rhys get his first every birthday party thrown by the love of his not-life

Happy end of RhysWeek and happy birthday to the most handsome High Lord!! I hope you all enjoy the return of Grim!Rhys for this fun, silly lil oneshot!

RhysWeek Day 7: Free Day - Till Death Do Us Part

Words: 2.2k

-

“I know I haven’t been walking the mortal plane very long, Feyre darling…”

Rhysand’s voice drifted through the speaker of the phone Feyre had set against the counter. Her husband’s smirking face stared up at her from the screen—a picture he’d commandeered her phone in order to take and subsequently assign to his contact, which he’d renamed Most Handsome Husband In All The Realms.

Feyre had told him she hadn’t exactly been to the other realms to verify if that was true. So now it read Most Handsome Grim Reaper Husband. Rhysand assured her there was only one of those, so he was certain to be the most handsome. Meanwhile, her contact was still saved in his phone as Most Beautiful Soul In All the Realms. He insisted he had already done all the fact checking necessary on that statement.

“...but I am fairly certain there’s no such thing as lemon flavored tampons.”

She pressed her lips together to stifle a laugh.

“They’re there, Rhys,” she said, forcing an air of exasperation that she thought sounded convincing. “And if you really can’t find them, I’ll take the orange flavored ones.”

“I’ve looked everywhere, darling.” She heard him sigh. “There’s some with yellow boxes, but I’ve read the backs and they don’t say anything about flavoring… I don’t even understand what flavoring would be for?”

Feyre pursed her lips considerately. Then she said, “You know how last month, you drank pineapple juice every morning so that you’d, um, taste better in my mouth?”

“... Yeah?”

“It’s kind of like that.”

“But I like the way you taste already!” He protested.

He sounded so offended that she couldn’t even put any heart into shushing him. “Rhys, people at the store might hear you. Our neighbors could be there.”

“I don’t care if the neighbors know I enjoy eating out my wife,” he said, pointedly loud. Feyre wasn’t even there and could feel her face getting hot. “What I care about, is you putting something in your body to change your already perfect—” he voice scraped on the word—“taste. Especially when tampons can already give you Toxic Shock Syndrome. Do you know that 2-3 people die—”

“Every year, yeah, yeah. It’s a good thing I’m married to the Grim Reaper then.”

He huffed. “If it gives you a UTI, then we can’t have se—”

“Rhsyand,” she said sternly. He immediately stopped talking. “Please, just get me what I asked for.”

“But darl—”

Feyre quickly tapped the red ‘end call’ button, cutting off anything further Rhys had to say about the subject.

She was relieved—for many reasons—that he hadn’t quite gotten into social media. Otherwise he would have undoubtedly given himself some not-so-subtle handle like OfficialGrimReaper and would have already convinced all their friends and family that he was involved in organized crime. But, more importantly, he would have seen the videos making the rounds on tiktok of people asking their partner’s to get them flavored tampons.

And then he would have known she was sending him on a wild goose chase.

If Rhysand wasn’t reaping souls, he was spending every waking moment by her side. Weekends were usually dedicated to cuddling on the sofa and watching the sitcom reruns he found endlessly fascinating. But today, she’d faked a period emergency and had asked him to run to the store. And the donut shop, for cravings. And Starbucks, for an emotional pick-me-up. All in the hopes that it would buy her enough time to get a cake in the oven.

Once it was cooking, she took to tying balloons. Mor had dropped off a box of them—always happy to assist if it meant pulling something over on Rhys. Mor believed the death birthday theme was a play on Rhysand growing older, and had thought it was hilarious. She’d even gotten a little gravestone RIP my youth cake decoration to go along with candles that read LOST COUNT.

Eventually, Feyre was left with a sea of black and gray balloons, and fingers sore from an hour spent twisting elastic around them. She didn’t know how much longer she had until Rhysand gave up trying to please her—which she knew was an extreme last resort for her husband—so she tried to be as quick as possible in assembling the balloons in an arch. Once that was finished, she took the packet of tombstone and skull confetti she’d bought and mixed it in with standard black birthday confetti. She smiled as she sprinkled it over their countertops, thinking Rhysand would enjoy the irony.

Her heart raced, each beat drawing her closer to her husband coming home. She couldn’t wait to see his reaction.

She was nearly finished decorating by the time the cake timer pinged. She set it on the counter to cool, the ganache ready to pour over as soon as it came to room temperature.

The only thing Feyre had left to do was scatter black flower petals towards the bedroom, where he’d find one of his many gifts waiting for him.

She was almost finished with the final touches. If she could just get the stupid ribbon curl right. She couldn’t find where she’d put the scissors and had decided that a paring knife would surely be just as effective. But now she was on her fifth attempt, and she could feel the time ticking past. Rhys wasn’t stupid. Any minute he’d—

“If you wanted me home sooner, using a phone is just as effective as killing yourself with that knife.”

Feyre shrieked in surprise, whirling around to find Rhys standing at her back. He held two plastic bags in one hand, and a tray of coffee in the other. She tried to ignore the way he’d craned his head over her shoulder, peering at her work in open curiosity.

He held up his cluttered hands when he saw she was still wielding the knife. Feyre didn’t consider how threateningly she was brandishing it until she glanced down and saw it was poised towards his chest.

“Whoa, there darling. Have I driven you so far as murder already?” He clicked his tongue. “I know that one in five murders are committed by the victim’s partner, but… I personally think you’d have a hard time contributing to that statistic.” He leaned into the tip, letting the point indent his shirt. “Sharp things don’t tend to work on me.”

Feyre rolled her eyes. “We’ve talked about you sneaking up on me like this.”

“Walking is such a chore,” he complained. He set the plastic bags on the floor so he could carefully maneuver a coffee into her hand, exchanging it for the knife like a hostage negotiator. “And it’s what killed you. Which I supposed worked out well in my favor, but isn’t exactly a glowing endorsement.” He leveled a stare towards the black petals scattered over the bed, and the wrapped present—glaringly devoid of ribbon curls—sitting in its center. “What were you up to, anyhow?”

Oh no. The cake.

“I can’t say yet.” She pursed her lips, looking to the coffee in her hand and the bags on the floor. She could see the box of donuts from her favorite bakery, as well as tampons that were likely not lemon flavored.

Rhys offered her a flat look. “Your bedridden cramps seem remarkably better. The woman at the store laughed when I asked her if they had any lemon flavored tampons.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, this time unable to contain her laugh. “I promise I’ll make it up to you, just…” she glanced around, before pointing to the closet. “Will you wait in there? For like… five minutes?”

He raised a brow. “You want me to sit in a closet for five minutes?”

“Five minutes isn’t that bad,” she hedged. “Some people do it for years.”

“It better be a good surprise,” he grumbled, begrudgingly walking over to the door. Obedient to the last, even with a pout on his face. “You know I’m afraid of the dark. I’ll need my pretty wife to kiss it better.”

“I promise I will.” She offered him one right then, just because she adored him. He’d gone to so much effort for her fake period, and she hoped he’d think her surprise was worth it. Once he was inside—comically too tall for the cramped space—she shut the door behind him, throwing in a “no peeking!” before it softly shut.

And then she was racing towards the kitchen, quickly pouring the ganache over the cake. She took her time in piping out in elegant white icing Happy Birthday, Rhysand!

Once she’d added and lit the candles, she called, “Okay, you can come out!”

Rhys appeared immediately on the other side of the counter. She might have been startled again if she hadn’t been expecting it. Instead she beamed at him, arranging the cake so he could see what was written on it.

His eyes went wide.

“Happy birthday to you…” she sang, reading his reaction carefully. The way his eyes kept flickering to the cake, then to her face, and back. “...Happy birthday dear Rhysand. Happy birthday to you.”

“I don’t have a birthday,” he said once she was finished. His frown creased a line beneath his lip. “I was never born.”

Feyre shrugged. “You have a mortal life now so I thought… you should get to have a birthday, too.”

“My mortal life started the day you died.” His brows merged as he tried to make sense of it. “Shouldn’t that be my birthday?”

“Well, that’s technically our wedding anniversary,” she said, shooting him a look that earned her a shameless grin in return. “But I was walking past St. Paul's Cathedral when I died. And you know where I was heading back from?”

His eyes softened. “20 Fenchurch Street. You’d just had lunch there.”

“That’s right.” She smiled. “So I thought your birthday should be on the 20th. And I picked November because… I think being a Scorpio suits you.”

Rhysand’s throat bobbed. He looked back at the cake, and the moisture in his eyes reflected the candles.

“Blow them out,” she whispered. “And when you do, you’re supposed to close your eyes and make a wish.”

“I already have everything I could possibly wish for,” he said. But his eyes still fluttered shut when he leaned over to blow them out.

Part of her wanted to ask what he wished for. If only because she knew it would be something tooth-rotting sweet. Feyre had been falling in love with him so reluctantly in the last year. She hadn’t meant to—she hadn't wanted to—but for her entire life, up until the moment she’d died, Feyre had never known how it felt to be put first by anyone. And now she knew how that felt every waking minute.

So she’d thrown him a surprise birthday in the hopes it would return even a fraction of the love he regularly showed her. And from the way he was staring at the confetti on the table, lips softly parted with awe, she thought that maybe she’d done a good job of it.

“Happy first year of life, Death.”

Rhys laughed. It was a shorter sound than usual. Choked by the unshed tears still glistening in his eyes as he continued to take it all in. The balloons. The flower petals. The writing on the cake.

“Our friends are coming over in a few hours,” she said. “You’re going to get the whole mortal birthday experience. Getting drunk, playing games, complaining about how old you’re getting. All of it.”

He quirked a brow. “And just how old do they think I am?”

“I didn’t say.” She grinned as she looked down at the LOST COUNT candles. “I told them you’re insecure about it.”

Rhysand shook his head, but he was smiling now.

“I was thinking, you might want to open your presents before they come over.” Feyre stepped around the counter, skimming her fingers over the countertop as she went. “They’re not exactly… appropriate.”

“Oh?” Once she was close enough, Rhys caught her by the hips. Impatient to touch her, as always. “Well then perhaps our friends shouldn’t come over at all.”

“Ah, that’s not in the spirit of your birthday,” she teased. “You’ll have to suffer through the very human experience of attending social events when you’d rather be doing something else.”

“Someone else,” he corrected with a sly smile.

Feyre nudged him towards the flower petals. “Behave, birthday boy. Go open your gift.”

The excitement in his eyes as they returned to their bedroom was yet another uniquely human experience she was happy to share with him. That childlike spark of joy that she was only just beginning to experience herself. She felt a share of it, watching his eyes go wide as he pulled away the decorative paper on his presents.

Though Rhysand hadn’t been able to find any flavored tampons, Feyre was pleased to introduce him to other unusual things that humans flavored. And as with any new thing he discovered in the mortal realm, Rhysand was very eager to try it.