#really loving yelling in the tags because now i can scream into the void and you all can just leave me to it without having to read it

[weyrleaders]

hhh

[fixfoxnox]

Also let me scream into the creative writing Void

THE GHOST’S DEAD FIANCE???

Chef kisses, left no crumbs

I love how you are defying the past! GhostRoach and dead fiance! Roach rule by twisting it up making them establish and alive all while soap is like “i need to have them both carnally” FUCK YOUR PAST! GHOSTROACH

(Not a request btw) Although I also wanna read a dead fiance! Soap because I think that’ll be hilarious in a “how does that make you feel GhostSoap shipper with Past! GhostRoach hmmm? How you like them apples??” But like i need them to have a good communication and instead of roach being hurt that he cant have ghost its more of Roach helping Ghost to heal in a healthy way that makes them have a good relationship from the start and then them establishing a healthy relationship later too

I was also laughing so hard when Roach asked Ghost if he’s been telling everyone he died, bro was about to break off the wedding (I also love how u made them fiances here my roachghost heart healed a little) its giving “i can still hear his voice” “quit telling everybody I’m dead”

I do have a question though, is roach also military in this? Or is he retired or have a different job?

MONSTER AU

When your boyfriends are fast food ❤️

ASDSFHDKDLFL I AM in love with Monsterfucker, I will eat it up everytime especially if its love between different monsters?? Slurping that bitch up like its soup

Also i need to yell about the fact that Ghost is a Vamp-Demon hybrid here?!!! And that he scares people but then Roach meets him for the first time and he fully wants Ghost and Soap goes along with him💀💀💀 me too roach, me too, its giving, you should be more scared of the person holding the leash than the dog itself (im sorry I had to) like imagine living out your whole life and people are scared of u even tall behemoth of men, but then this small funky mousy haired guy just looks at you with so much lust?? Ghost I would fold ngl

STREAMER/CAMBOY

I know u haven’t written this yet but Im going to yell about this anyways because this has got to be my fav AU, i really just love streamer love stories despite the whole reborn not being canon that was still a hilarious take, Ghost would make so many “in my days” joke every time someone tries too hard in a game

And I absolutely am stealing this from real people’s experience; but what if Ghost is a faceless streamer and when he just started getting to know Roach, trying to flirt with him, he face reveals in front of Roach while roach is streaming and roach is just speechless and going redder by the second all while his chat is going insane

Im gonna go to my corner now and buzz around while i brain rot

Ahhhhh!!!

On Ghosts Dead Fiance:

I just love when Soap see's Ghost and Roach and is just immediately in love (especially with Roach) its my favorite dynamic ever and I think he's just enough of a himbo for that to happen sjdjdjdj

I would still like to eventually do a flipping it on its head in the method of killing off Soap version, but we probably won't get that until I get enraged by dead Roach content again ahsh

And I'm 100% going to make them more healthy than any of the SoapGhost fics but I'm also gonna throw in a line like "because of you I forget that I was ever even in love with Soap" just to pass people off because I'm evil like that

Then in the comments I'll hit 'em with "wow guys, Soap sent Roach for Ghost guys 🥺 he knew that he was better for him"

Also Roach is meant to be retired in the story, hence why Ghost has one of his dog tags. Since Roach wasn't going to be out in the field anymore (personal choice he made because he was tired, and he works CIA now with aunt Laswell) he decided to give Ghost one of his tags so he would "always have a piece of me with you"

On Monster AU:

*scary powerful monster walks in the room*

Roach, immediately: I'll just take that, thank you very much *seduces him*

Roach and Soap and even Ghost in this Au are definitely the be more scared of the person holding the leash than the dog itself thing. Roach has these two men wrapped around his finger dude and he's so good at playing innocent here

I think I mentioned but his whole thing is like seducing people while making them think that they're seducing him. He just chooses his partners though and gets Soap to growl at any unwanted people (most people) while he enjoys his two hot fellow monster boyfriends 😌

Also love making Ghost panic and run out of the room like a bat outta hell because he knows if he stays he will absolutely end up sleeping with these two members of his team who he's not even properly met yet. Poor guy is in for it though cause Roach isn't going to let him get away that easily

On Camboy/Streamer AU:

LISTEN I THINK ME AND YOU MAY BE THE ONLY TWO EXCITED FOR THIS AU BUT IM SO GLAD SOMEINE ELSE LIKES IT AS MUCH AS ME

IM GENUINELY SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT SKSKKDJDJ

If I didn't have to write part of an essay today I would be drafting up part of it right now because ACK

JUST THESE BOYS BEING IN LOVE AND SLOWLY GETTING PUSHED TOGETHER AND AHHH I LOVE THE IDEA OF GHOST BEING A FACELESS STREAMER WHO DOES A FACE REVEAL FOR ROACH WHILE ROACH IS ON SCREEN

I just know they'd have a shit ton of fanfics written about them

Also on the line of if this Ghost was reborn Ghost I've been thinking about that more and like...streamer AU's Gaz and Soap being his gaming buddies (Price is Gaz's controversially older boyfriend who hangs out with them on stream occasionally)

And I can just see people shipping Ghost and Soap from the streams and someone is like "Are you two dating" and Soap just playfully drops "No, Ghost is whipped for another streamer, take your bets on who"

And it starts a whole big thing and when, eventually, Ghost and the squad start streaming with Roach everyone just knows that this is the guy that he's whipped for

LISTEN I MAY HAVE TO DO AN AU OF THE AU FOR THIS SJDJJDJD YOUR MIND DUDE, YOUR MIND

[biscuityskies]

I think it did strike me at this very moment (1:47am, 11 January 2023) just how unhinged tumblr is to me, specifically. And blogs, in general. Allow me to explain.

I come from a somewhat long and arguably very not rich history on Twitter. Multi-faceted, perhaps, but honestly really just a whole bunch of people following me for reasons that I really could not say. Having joined Twitter at a time when I was still figuring out who I was (see also: high school) and then gaining a sudden influx of followers due to reasons I believe were fandom related, those numbers went directly to my head, and I of course began to base my self worth off of them. Is this a good thing? Absolutely not! Have I done the same thing with my AO3 account? For frickin sure! And yet, Twitter is simply me yelling into the utter void, and the void doing jack shit about it.

I made a blog on tumblr at the encouragement of my sister several years ago, because it was where she spent most of her time, and she has a specific tag for me, and I thought it was HILARIOUS that that was something that one could just… do, tag their sibling in posts for said sibling to then peruse later. So, of course I made a blog.

I then ghosted this bitch. It took the near-death experience of Twitter to bring me back to tumblr, where I promptly rediscovered my love for Star Wars, and made a post about it. A POST THAT IS STILL GETTING NOTES. It has over 100 at this point, and it’s SUCH a change of pace, because while on Twitter everything is fast-paced and nothing I say usually gets anything more than two likes, I make one post about this ship I suddenly discovered that I ran headlong into and it’s still getting notes I think well over a month after I made it.

Now, that brings me to my usage of “unhinged”. Literally, “off one’s hinges”. My hinges had been defined to me for the past five years as screaming soundlessly into the void of space and not expecting a reply. I scream about Codywan on Twitter and nothing happens, literally so many tweets go by without a single like (yet now I know exactly how many people see it and don’t interact, have i ever mentioned how fucking stupid an update—). I say one thing about Codywan on tumblr, and it’s still getting notes. And as long as there are Codywan shippers, likely will CONTINUE to get notes, which is also kinda wacky.

Idk. At least here I can yell into the void at 2am and if the void doesn’t answer back I don’t feel bad because I genuinely have no clue how many followers I have, how does this site even work pls I’m still new here

(Also it’s very nice being able to ramble in one post in well over 240 characters. And also formatting?????? What a gift)

[1863-project]

I posted 1,757 times in 2022

That's 1,161 more posts than 2021!

856 posts created (49%)

901 posts reblogged (51%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neon-moon-beam

@gummycore

@chingaderita

@autisticwolfesbrainisautistic

@shotsofnovacaine

I tagged 1,757 of my posts in 2022

#reblogs - 902 posts

#pokemon - 699 posts

#replies - 628 posts

#submas - 492 posts

#i like trains - 276 posts

#drawing - 88 posts

#art - 88 posts

#actuallyautistic - 71 posts

#autism - 71 posts

#paleontology - 64 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#seriously this is what i wake up to every morning except unlike emmet i have an abnormally large cat instead of an abnormally large spider

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Update to this post: I’m trying to actively figure out whose windup they gave him.

See, they’ve been doing this for a while now. Most famously, Volo has Hisashi Iwakuma’s extremely recognizable windup, but Hop throws like Hideo Nomo and Kabu throws like Choji Murata.

Larry has more of a sidearm throw, which is an uncommon delivery in baseball. You can see it in action here:

See the full post

1,112 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

Ingo and Emmet Are Both Autistic and I Will Die On This Hill, Thank You Very Much

Hey, remember over a year ago when I wrote that post screaming into the void about how Emmet is autistic? Consider this an updated version of that post, because I really should have talked about how they both are.

Disclaimer: I am an autistic adult who went undiagnosed until age 20 despite a blatant love of steam locomotives so I don’t know how I was missed considering I had the single most stereotypical interest on the planet. (I’ll touch on that later.)

Anyhow, I’ll try to keep this brief (and will likely fail), but let’s get into how both Ingo and Emmet are autistic, actually.

this goofball Emmet

Emmet’s the more obvious one, which is why I wrote the initial post linked above. He clearly scripts, has trouble containing his sheer excitement about things (read: Doubles) to the point of bothering other people, has no filter, will happily infodump about strategy or the MTA rules if asked, and in the manga has an arm-swinging walk that’s visibly a stim if you know it. 

The scripting is evident when you fight him by himself, as his dialogue often feels stiff (in Japanese it’s more informal to contrast with his hyper-formal brother), but the line that always seals the deal for me is actually this, when Ingo asks him to put in a few words before a Multi Battle:

See the full post

2,056 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

#3

A Brief Submas Primer

Did you just find out about the Pokemon franchise’s most popular battle facility since the Battle Frontier because of a plot point in Legends: Arceus? Were you curious because your friends were talking about some weird train man and you have no idea what they’re on about? Worry no longer, because this mole person has you covered.

What the hell is Submas?

The term ‘Submas’ is a portmanteau of their Japanese trainer class title, Subway Masters (in English releases, they got the trainer class title Subway Boss). Note that I’m saying “they” - there are, in fact, two of them, and they’re twins.

Ingo (Nobori) is the older of the two of them, specializing in Singles. He speaks overly politely/formally (more obvious in Japanese), has no indoor voice, will yell “BRAVO!” the second anything remotely good or exciting happens, has an overbearing sense of responsibility (it’s an older sibling thing, trust me), and became an accidental sex symbol on Pixiv (don’t ask, he probably doesn’t know either). He’s best known for being the “serious” one and notably has not been allowed to smile in-game to this day, although he was allowed in the anime and manga to be more expressive. He makes up for this by being very, very loud.

See the full post

4,080 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#2

Nintendo NYC had an egg incubator bag so I am now hatching Joltiks in the NYC Subway, just as Emmet would want us all to.

7,019 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

In case anyone is wondering what real-world train drama is going on, there’s this.

The tl;dr is that Amtrak wants to run two passenger trains per day round-trip (4 runs total) between Mobile, Alabama and New Orleans, Louisiana, restoring a service that hasn’t been there since Hurricane Katrina in 2005. CSX and Norfolk Southern, two major freight train companies, have resisted this idea, saying it would mess up their traffic, especially since Amtrak’s passenger trains would get priority (by government decree, believe it or not).

So now Amtrak is on Twitch streaming the line to prove the line isn’t too busy for them to run passenger trains.

I’m wheezing.

41,186 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[turtle-steverogers]

I posted 3,360 times in 2022

921 posts created (27%)

2,439 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@somanywords

@youhavenoideahowmuchihatethis

@whotheheckitheheck

@alpineandbucky

I tagged 1,962 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#steve rogers - 646 posts

#mikey answers - 576 posts

#stucky - 435 posts

#bucky barnes - 411 posts

#soup tag - 154 posts

#mikey screams into the void - 138 posts

#mutuals <333 - 89 posts

#🏖🏀 - 60 posts

#convos - 57 posts

#mikey screams and cries and yells - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i prefer coffee but sometimes i’ll make tea and it’s the best shit i’ve ever had like i have tea object permanence i forget tea is just that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

steve has the worst bedhead known to man. that is a fact. 

506 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#4

love those fics where steve is doing Not Well™️, but since the avengers have no frame of reference for what’s a healthy stevie and what’s not, they don’t really suspect that steve’s doing as poorly as he is.

cue bucky coming in from the cold and taking one look at steve and going, “how long have you been hurting so bad?”

570 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

#3

Read a story online earlier about someone who buys two cups of tea and sits and pretends that their father has just gone to the bathroom when he's been gone for several years, and I couldn't help thinking, what if this was Steve? What if just after waking up from the ice he goes for a walk and finds that the diner he and Bucky spent every afternoon in just sitting and enjoying the others presence, Bucky reading the new Si-Fi novel he got from the library and Steve sketching the other diners, both of them getting something to drink for free becase they help out the owner whenever they could, is still there. So he goes in one afternoon, and the booth they'd always sit at is still there, yes the seats and table top is diffrent, and so is the decor, but the booth is still there, and he orders two drinks, soda maybe, or water, and pushes one across from him and sets a Si-Fi book he bought earlier that day next to it, because as much as he said he didn't like them, they still remind him of Bucky and decides that maybe, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much, to pretend, just for a little while, that Bucky is just in the bathroom, or mabe taking up a girl at another table, and he'll be back soon. He'll come back and pick up his book and he'll tell a joke, and they'll both laugh and all of a sudden everything is right again, just for a few minutes, just while he pretends.

oh my god. here's a fic.

-

“Can I get you anything else, hon?”

The man looks up from where he’s idly sketching the soda machine, a glass of chocolate milk half finished next to him. Across the table, there’s another glass of chocolate milk-- this one full-- and a sci-fi pulp that looks like something Lucy would find in her grandmother’s library placed neatly next to each other. 

Smiling, the man shakes his head. “No, thank you,” he says, before ducking his head to return to his sketch. A clear invitation to leave him alone.

Lucy flashes him a grin and nods. “No problem, hon. You just let me know if you change your mind.”

The man nods and mumbles another, ‘thank you’, but doesn’t look up from his sketchbook again. It’s not unusual for people to come into Jan’s Kitchen to idle, but Lucy feels a tug at her heartstrings; the poor guy looks like he’s been stood up for a date. He’s been sitting in the booth for some time now with two drinks, the other a clear placeholder for someone, and every so often Lucky will catch him staring around the restaurant expectantly. Still, it’s none of her business, and she’s not there to judge any which way. So she leaves the man alone and tries not to feel too worried for him when an hour later, he closes his sketchbook and plucks up the other book, leaving one empty and one full glass of chocolate milk on the table, along with a ten dollar bill. There’s a note written on the corner of a sketchbook page when Lucy goes to clear the glasses. 

Keep the change.

-

The next time Lucy sees the man, it’s during a Saturday lunch rush. He comes in with his sketchbook and the same pulp novel tucked underneath his arm, and specifically requests the booth in the back-- the same one where he’d sat the previous time. Harried, Lucy tells him that it’s not available.

“Oh,” the man says, and for a moment, Lucy could have sworn she knew him from somewhere. Maybe a low scale movie? Some odd TV show? All corners of New York yielded itself to some amount of famous people. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been in something before. “That’s okay. I’ll come back.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucy says, mostly because she hated feeling like she’d disappointed a customer. 

The man smiles, waving a hand, and even though his eyes hold a certain sadness-- a weight-- he looks genuine. 

“No, it’s really no problem. Thank you for your help.”

He strolls out of the restaurant then, and Lucy watches him go. He dresses sort of oddly, too. In straight khakis and an old looking button down. His hair-- while short-- is neatly parted. Huh. odd. Shaking her head, Lucy turns to greet the next patrons. 

-

When Lucy shows up for her shift at Jan’s on Tuesday night, the man is already sitting in the booth in the back, sketchbook open and two cokes sitting on the table. Like the last time she’d seen him, one was still full and pushed to the other side where the sci-fi pulp was neatly placed. It’s thankfully quite sparse in the restaurant, and Lucy takes her time tying her apron around her waist, watching the man’s hand guide the pencil smoothly across the page. He looks exhausted, eyes heavy with dark, pronounced bags underneath them. His skin is pale and there’s a fine tremor to his hands as he sketches. 

“He’s come the last three nights,” one of the other waiters, Harvey, says, leaning over the counter by her side. “Sat in that same booth, ordered--”

“Two drinks? Yeah, he was here one other time I was working, then came in a couple days later asking for that seat. Had to turn him down, ‘cause it was a rush, but…”

“Yeah, I dunno,” Harvey says. “First I thought he was being stood up.”

“Me too,” Lucy says, crossing her arms. The man’s shoulders are tense, nearly drawn up to his ears. “But I’m thinking that’s… not the case.”

“Yeah.” They watch as the man erases something forcefully, then looks out the window. His hand is clenched so tightly around his pencil that Lucy thinks it might break. “What do you think his deal is?”

“I dunno,” Lucy says. “But he looks kinda familiar, doesn’t he?”

Harvey cocks his head. “You know, kinda? He’s definitely military. I mean, look at the way he’s sitting.”

And now that he mentions it, Lucy can see it. The way he’s choosing to sit on the side that faces the entirety of the diner-- a vantage point. Eyes darting around every few seconds, clearly clocking everyone coming in and out, even when he’s distracted. 

“Shit, you’re probably right,” she says. 

“I just hope he’s okay,” Harvey says. “Like, either way, he looks damn lonely. I hope he’s got someone at home, or something.”

Lucy shrugs, but she can’t help the way her chest aches. The man seems sweet, if anything. She sure hopes he’s not all alone. No one deserves that sort of hell.

The door jingles as someone comes in and the man jumps, clearly torn from some sort of reverie. Yeah. Definitely a vet. Or something like that.

See the full post

573 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

#2

the fact that steve probably wouldn’t be able to be put under for medical procedures and pain meds don’t work on him kills me. like maybe after he’s been out of the ice for a while, they’d be able to figure out his situation, but can you imagine how scary that is??

having to be awake for surgeries for injuries from missions, already out of sorts from whatever hurt him and terrified because of all the medical trauma he definitely has from his childhood??

i’m just picturing him delirious and hurt, and nothing really makes sense and he can’t figure out where he is or why, but he knows the distinct smell of a hospital like the back of his hand.

and when nat pops in to check on him he just manages to choke out, “i want my ma”

617 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

sad yeehaw for the way steve is consistently reduced to his last 10 minutes of screen time and criticized constantly based solely on that last chunk rather than celebrated for the entire rest of the time he was featured

649 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[star-mum]

First of all thank you so much for the tag baby ily 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

I've been kinda away from Tumblr for a bit (i have no concept of time so could be a week could be a month, i really dont know how long it's been) but WE ARE SO BACK !!!

"Stiles hasn’t eaten in days.” are y'all ready for pain ????

"Observant little thing, aren’t you?” i know you said this ISN'T about sex and it isn't... but i got stuff to work through so IN THE JAR IT GOES

"You couldn’t save Stiles, but you wanted to care for him - just for a moment. You wanted to make a difference" 😩😩😩😩😩 im gonna be so sane about them, I promise

"Need I remind you, sweet thing?” 😐🫙

"his pornography - which he watches far too much of" which surprises no one, honestly

"how did Stiles miss you more than he missed food or water or sleep?" IM AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS !!! VIOLENTLY !!!!

"My Stiles is good enough.” MY STILES !!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!

"To you, he wasn’t all that scary" listen same but i dont think being big headed about this will actually get us anywhere

"Did the two of them have conversations?" in my mind palace the Void-Stiles link works just like Yuji and Sukuna in Jujutsu Kaisen

"Your boy is just a coward" ✨✨✨ my boy ✨✨✨

“I had something else in mind.” oh nooo it's the plot point I remember now

"No?!” He screamed in your ear, causing you to flinch" Dylan O'Brien would eat this performance up btw, like i love thinking about Void in scenes like this cause YOU KNOW Dylan would deliver

"well, aside from Prom and Homecoming…" i have qualms with the amount of school dances the usa has

"selfishly, in the hope that he would see you from across the room and realize that he had made the wrong choice" ALEXA PLAY YOU BELONG WITH ME !!!! IT'S TIME !!!! (and it's very year appropriate)

“I can just go and have fun without worrying about impressing him.” you dummy, you liar

"Your pathetic teenage angst is… so amusing" KSKSKSKSKS me watching my shows

"Good thing Beacon Hills was pretty progressive" my favorite thing about the canon of this universe

"even if it meant stealing him away from Lydia" SHE'S NOT EVEN HEEEEREEEEE !!! You snooze, you lose

"That she just ditched you because she doesn’t give a shit about you?” GET HIS ASSSSSSS !!!!!!!!! (is he in the wrong? no technically but WE DONT KNOW THAT !!! PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY BABY !!!!)

"when in reality, she had been bleeding to death on the lacrosse field" which is somehow... Not the worst possibility (i know reader had no idea that could even be happening but it's a funny way to say that)

"Luckily, the asshole picked up" why does he have Jackson's number ? mtv please answer, please

"you’re not quite a man, are you? At least not yet.” local serial killer werewolf attacks your life long crush to get to you AND calls you a virgin loser (a rough night for Stiles)

"You used my car?" HEY ! one asshole yelling at me at a time please !!!

"he keeps trying to crash the damn car." i think i said this last time (or maybe not idk) but him using this exact wording gives me chills, is sooo good

"You had an idea. A terrible one. You leaned in, sealing your lips onto his" LETS GOOO !!! THE POWER OF LOVE/FRIENDSHIP WILL ALWAYS EEEEAAAAAAT !!!!!

"Void hated it. It was something that he absolutely hated to admit, but you gave Stiles strength" a less vague ending !!!! for a little bit of happiness !!!!

"and plunged the small blade into your stomach" 😨😨😨😨 AAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!! I ACTUALLY LET OUT A FUCKING GASP OH MY GOD ?????? READER DEATH ????? WAS THIS IN THE WARNINGS ????? I DON'T REMEMBER NOW, I ALWAYS SKIM THEM OOHHHH NOOOO

(i hope you're giggling evilly from wherever you are) (... yes ik canada) (but still)

"Look at her. Look at her while she’s dying.” hey remember when i said during the draft read how horrifying it'd be for Stiles to have the first person pov of "him" murdering the reader ? yeah.... APPARENTLY YOU DID

"drag your shaking body to the phone and get a bloody hand wrapped around it" the Scream energy this scene gives me

Reader technically not dead !!! but who knows maybe she died while help was on the way WHO'S TO SAY

I did NOT expect for the entire ending to be different, oh my god that's fucking amazing !!!!

Blood In The Water

Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader

Beg me for mercy - admit you were toxic.

Now I am the violence, I am the sickness.

Won’t accept your silence - beg me for forgiveness.

We’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter.

What you gon do when there’s Blood In The Water?

Summary:

Being Stiles's best friend, you are incredibly worried about him when you figure out that he is quite literally not himself - and that the thing currently occupying his body could be destroying it in the process. When you approach him to show this concern, Void takes a particular interest in you. He's not capable of love, or even fondness, but he likes you.

And he likes the way your fear spikes when you talk about Stiles. So he makes you a deal - he'll agree to take care of this fleshy, mortal host, in exchange for something more precious, more rare, and more delicious than the meal you have brought for Stiles.

He wants your pain. He wants your tears.

Void!Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader. Pining Best Friends. Extreme Emotional Angst, Hurt No Comfort. Set during Season 3 (with flashbacks to Season 1, Episode 11).

Word Count: 11,700

Teen Wolf Masterlist | AO3 Link

Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: as it says above - this is pure angst, hurt NO COMFORT, please heed that warning, if this is not something you are into, please leave now; this is set during Season 3, but not during any particular episode; I guess I need to put warnings for demon possession and identity theft (even though for the entirety of the fic, the reader does know that Stiles is not himself on the basis of knowing him so well, and she is talking to Void ernestly); this fic is about Void and the Reader interacting and discussing the relationship and feelings between Stiles and the Reader; the reader and Stiles have had mutual romantic feelings for each other for a long time but never acted on them, and at the point when the fic begins, their relationship is described as long-term best friends; the reader uses she/her pronouns and is mentioned to wear a dress and high heels to the winter formal dance; the reader's race, hair colour, size or looks in general are not described in any way (Void does call the reader 'little' but it is meant to be emotionally condescending, rather than a description of her size); this fic DOES use Y/N (proudly so); mentions of Stiles not eating/being starved because Void refuses to participate in 'human pleasures' (and he considers food to be one of those); Void is a demon who is fed by pain and he enjoys the Reader's fear, sadness, embarrassment, emotional pain, and other negative emotions, and he can feel those emotions in the air as she experiences them, so he is encouraged to do and say things that prompt negative reactions from her; Void calls the reader 'sweet thing' and 'darling' and 'little girl'; passing mention of Stiles watching porn (but the general tone of this fic is not sexual); Void compares the reader to Stiles's 'mommy' (because she is the only one who has ever given him soft, 'maternal' comfort and understanding) - but it's not a Mommy kink thing (or maybe it is for Stiles, you don't know that); mentions of eating diary and meat being 'cruel' (but I am not a vegan, it's just Void commenting on the way humans do things); the reader considers cutting herself with a knife to 'feed' Void her physical pain (but Void wants emotional pain instead); Void asks the reader to relive a painful memory by telling him about it, therefore feeding him with her emotional pain; Void threatens the reader with physical harm and even murder (to make her more fearful, and to taunt Stiles, who is forced to witness all of this); there is flashbacks to the winter formal episode in S1; mentions of the reader being jealous because Stiles took Lydia to the dance (and the reader hates the jealousy it evokes in her because she doesn't want to pit herself against Lydia and she wants to be happy for Stiles); mentions of Lydia being attacked by Peter Hale (as is canon); mentions of alcohol - the reader takes one sip of alcohol but does not get drunk during the fic; mentions of drunk driving (the reader drives after that sip of alcohol and questions if this 'counts' as drunk driving, and other people are accused of driving drunk, but in this fic, drunk driving is not actually the cause of any accidents); Stiles gets into a life-threatening car accident - mentions of blood and grievous bodily injury; mentions of Stiles needing surgery due to the car accident; mentions of blood; graphic descriptions of a character being stabbed. I believe that's it?

A/N: I have a lot to say here, so strap in. First of all, you're probably wondering why you're seeing this now. That is because I have been going through a very bad patch of mental illness (fuelled by multiple things, including the state of my physical illness) and when that happens to me, I become like a big spinning top of agitation and bad energy. And I feel the need to work on a project to avoid bad practices like self harm. And after a lot of whirling around and only working on certain projects for a few minutes at a time, I was cleaning out my files just to keep my mind occupied, and I came across the pictures I had saved to make the moodboard for this fic and I was like 'I can't delete those yet because I wanna use those to make the fic cover'. So I decided to make the fic cover, and it spiralled into me editing the whole fic just to keep my agitated upset mind busy and focused on something other than the fact that I am upset. So - good for you guys. You get a new fic. As for the actual content of this fic - I wanted to mark it as both Void x Reader and Stiles x Reader, but I figured that wouldn't make sense to most people. Because this is about Stiles and the Reader having mutual crushes on each other for a long time, and Void enjoying the embarrassment of taunting them about it, as well as the pain that comes from their pining and the potential of hurting the other and forcing them to watch. And Void does take a kind of 'liking' to the Reader, but because he's a demon, it's not necessarily romantic? Idk. I just have a lot of fun writing demon characters as complete bastards (I will never get people who write characters like Void, Anti, Dark as secret softies - like please, write a villain as a villain. It's more fun that way). So please - enjoy my take on this awful bastard. I had a lot of fun writing it. (Also I would like to note that I wrote this before I saw the end of 3A so I thought the 'crashing the Jeep' thing was a totally organic idea on my part lmao.)

...

“Stiles hasn’t eaten in days.” 

You stated it very matter-of-factly, rather than asking if he had eaten or theorizing about it. It was something that you knew concretely. 

Usually, Stiles was someone who was very passionate about food. He complained about missing lunch and hated being rushed to eat rather than getting to enjoy his food if you were nagging him about being late and had somewhere to be. 

The only time you had ever seen him miss meals was when he got particularly sucked into his reading and researching. And usually, when his concentration finally broke, he would whine about his stomach hurting and only remember why when the smell of curly fries came under his nose because you had put the bag in front of him. 

But even in that case, he had never missed more than a single meal. 

You had never seen him go days without touching a single bit of food - without so much as mentioning something greasy he was craving or talking about a destination take-out spot that the two of you needed to go to on the weekend. 

You had to guess that it was around the time that He had taken control. Or at least, around about when He had stopped caring to pretend to be human. When He had stopped putting up a front. 

“Observant little thing, aren’t you?” He titled his head in that way that was so distinctly un-Stiles, giving you a small smirk as his words penetrated you with that utterly mocking tone. 

It was strange, staring at the face of your long-time best friend and referring to him in the third person. Starting to think about him as though he wasn’t even there when you were staring right at him. Though it had only been a few days, you had long since given up the hope that you were talking to Stiles. You knew that this was someone else - something else entirely. 

You were still clinging onto the hope that you could get Stiles through this and he wouldn’t be entirely damaged beyond recognition on the other side. 

Hence, why you were trying to feed him now. 

It had been at least four days since you had seen him take a single bite of food, and you had been carefully observing him the entire time. So you had arrived at his place today with an armful of Stiles’s favorite foods. You felt lucky to catch him alone while the others were out chasing leads - or perhaps, unlucky. Perhaps he would have eaten in front of them just to prove that he was still himself. But you were hoping to tempt him with the smell, at the very least. 

Surely, he had to be hungry? 

Laid out on the table in front of you was a variety of things - all kinds of things you knew would have had Stiles gorging himself in minutes. A disgustingly large and greasy double cheeseburger with curly fries and a strawberry milkshake, an extra large supreme meat lover’s pizza, an entire pack of Honey Buns, and a grocery store birthday cake - chocolate with vanilla icing. All of which elicited oddly painful memories for you, now that your best friend was being held hostage by a thousand year old demon. 

Everything from movie nights where the two of you would share a pizza and argue about what kind of toppings to get, to the times that the two of you would buy a birthday cake like this and eat it in his Jeep with no such occasion for it - just because you wanted to celebrate life and didn’t want to need a reason for such a treat. Nights when balancing it between your laps and eating with plastic forks was all the joy in the world that you needed. 

Nights before your life became so hellishly complicated. 

“Let me guess… you’re trying to tempt me?” He posed, moving his finger across the icing of the birthday cake, and then looking at the white glob on his finger with intense disgust before moving to wipe it off on a napkin. 

Of course, he wouldn’t even consider eating that small amount. He was taunting you. He knew that at this current moment, it was your greatest desire to see your friend eat - to know that even though you were entirely powerless against such a complicated and mysterious demonic force, you could do this one small thing in your power to take care of him. 

You couldn’t save Stiles, but you wanted to care for him - just for a moment. You wanted to make a difference - even if it was as small as a grain of sand in an hour-glass. You thought it would help. 

“Even you have to eat, don’t you?” You returned with a question. “You can’t risk your host dying, right?” 

It was something you had wondered. 

You hadn’t seen him drinking water either, and you didn’t think that he had slept at all. As far as you knew, he hadn’t attended to any of Stiles’s human needs. But according to the sallow, almost gray nature of his skin and the dark bags under his eyes - he wasn’t exactly in perfect health right now. So perhaps he did run the risk of actually killing Stiles altogether because he didn’t know how to take care of a human host. 

Void smirked as he felt that flash of fear - the utter terror that overcame you at the thought of Stiles dying from neglect. 

“Need I remind you, sweet thing?” 

He started, the nickname causing a shiver of creepiness down your skin, like the feeling of walking into a spiderweb. 

“I don’t eat the same deep-fried, fat filled crap that he does.” He looked across the table with disdain coating his features once again. “I feed upon the suffering of others.” 

These words caused a wicked chill down your spine. 

It was something that Scott had warned you of, but you hadn’t actually considered what it truly meant. 

“So by depriving Stiles of his worldly pleasures - his music, his laughter, his pornography - which he watches far too much of, by the way.” Void let out a devious chuckle at this, and you didn’t even have time to think about the implications of this before he continued. “And especially by depriving him of food and sleep, I get to feed off his precious suffering.” 

It was a terrible paradox. Void thrived while Stiles withered. 

“And as of late, I have been so deliciously full.” 

A lump formed in your throat - if you knew any words apt for this situation, you wouldn’t have been able to get them out anyway. Void’s smirk grew wider. Indulging in your suffering, in your fear for your best friend, your horror at these realizations - Void continued. 

“But - among all those things, you know what he misses most of all?” 

He posed, talking slowly, his voice calculated, mocking you with another head tilt. It was as though he was looking down upon you even though he was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table and you were standing across from him on the other side of the room. 

You choked on a miserable syllable - no words came out. Part of you wanted to know the answer very badly, and part of you wanted him to shut up. You simply shook your head in reply. 

“He misses you.” 

Void whispered these words as though it was a precious secret. And then - he let out a grand cackle of a laugh, bordering on a howl as he continued to mock you. 

Your insides shook, and you became foggy with confusion - how did Stiles miss you more than he missed food or water or sleep? How did he ‘miss you’ so much when you were standing right here in front of him? Did the presence of this horrid being keep Stiles from seeing you or hearing you? Was he trapped so terribly inside his own body? 

Was this like a coma for him? Would he not remember any of this when it was over?

You could only hope that was the case. 

“He begs and pleads every time I won’t let him touch you.” Void grinned, letting out another laugh - clearly pleased by the idea of Stiles’s misery. “He is so damn desperate to hold you. It’s hilarious, really. Especially because - at the same time, he’s terrified of what I’ll do if I get too close.” 

These words put a terrible knot in your stomach. 

You could only imagine how terrible it was for Stiles - he was a naturally touchy person, and now, someone else was controlling his body, keeping him from participating in the physical affection that he craved. Threatening to put his loved ones in danger if he did get the love that he desperately craved. 

You didn’t want to know what Void would do if you walked across the room to hug Stiles. But at the same time, it made you yearn to hold him, to squeeze him tight, to give him the comfort he was clearly so badly in need of. Especially now that you knew his consciousness was still in there, alert and alive, fighting to get out. 

“He’s so pathetic.” Void remarked softly. “He misses his Mommy, and… well, you’re the only one who ever treated him like a Mommy would. Isn’t that right?” 

This sentiment confused you entirely. 

You stared at him, gape-jawed, waiting for an explanation, and luckily - he did give you one. 

“You held him close, and kissed his boo-boos. You… you were the only one who told him he was good enough when he never fucking was.” 

You instantly wanted to argue this point, but you were more caught up on the overarching metaphor that Void was making. 

All of the individual points were true. You had done all of those things for Stiles. But you didn’t see how that made you Stiles’s Mommy. It just made you a good friend. 

“My Stiles is good enough.” You argued weakly, finally finding your words. “He’s a good person, and you can’t change that about him. He’s still in there. And he’s still going to be a good person after all this.” 

Void tutted his tongue, giving another mocking smirk. 

“Still at it.” He laughed. “You’re relentless, aren’t you?” 

You didn’t care to respond to that. 

“Beautifully relentless.” Void sighed, sounding almost dreamy as he said this. He sounded as if he admired this quality in you. 

Which he did. But he admired this about you for one specific reason. 

“See… that’s what makes the fear so fucking delicous.” He continued on, explaining. “When someone so bright, so full of hope finally gives up. When their spirit finally breaks. It permeates the air better than the smell of a rotting corpse - and it’s so fucking beautiful.” 

You chose not to respond to this - baffled by his words, and slightly frightened. 

Instead, you wondered something else. 

“What happens if Stiles doesn’t eat?” You asked. “You said that you’re full, but he’s still human. It’s still a human body. A body that you’re currently living in.” 

Void clapped his hands together a few times, slowly, giving you dry, sarcastic applause for your cleverness. 

“Good question. Clever little girl.” He congratulated you, causing another wave of ‘ick’ to roll through you at his condescending tone. “He is my host, but currently, I rule all. I give him strength, I eliminate all his weaknesses. I turn his pathetic human form into the ultimate weapon. With me inhabiting his body, he does not need to eat, sleep, or drink. He does not need such tiny fallacies as comfort.” 

“And what happens when you leave?” You posed. 

“If I choose to leave.” Void smirked at you. 

“When.” You ground out sharply, arguing, feeling braver the longer that you stood there and talked to him. 

To you, he wasn’t all that scary. 

Scott had warned you that Void was clever - that he would manipulate you and try to hurt you. But thus far, you hadn’t seen the route to any tricks. He seemed very straight-forward and honest. He seemed very plainly painted in his cruelty. 

“If I choose to leave this host and move onto another, then… I suppose that he’ll collapse.” Void shrugged, speaking about it as if it were no more interesting to him than a fly in his peripheral. “Without my strength keeping him alive, all the exhaustion, all the hunger, all the thirst - it will hit him, all at once. He may even die from the shock alone. His body will be too weak and fragile to handle it.” 

A surge of terrible anger flooded you. Perhaps it was fueled by fear, but either way, it drove you to smack your hand down onto the table, nearly smashing the birthday cake before you screamed out, finally lashing out on him. 

“Motherfucker!” You called Void the first cruel name that came to mind, and he didn’t give any indication of reaction at your throat scraping volume. “You stupid bastard! You are gonna get out and give Stiles his body back, and when you do, you’re gonna return it in good fucking condition! You understand me?” 

Void simply smirked, seeming entirely amused by your outburst. 

Of course, he wasn’t scared of you - a powerless human. You had nothing to threaten him with. Even if you had the powers of a werewolf, he still wouldn’t fear you. 

“There’s that spunk he’s always talking about.” Void said, an odd kind of fondness peeking through his voice that didn’t suit him. “You know, it’s almost… cute. I’m starting to understand why he likes you so much.” 

You only became more pissed off at being called ‘cute’ when you were so boiling angry. It was entirely aggravating - someone being so condescending toward your rage. 

Then, it hit you that the ‘he’ Void spoke about had to be Stiles. Did the two of them have conversations? Why would Stiles bother to praise you to a thousand year old demon? 

It caused more of your affection for Stiles to bubble up inside you, and you hated it. 

“Look, darling, because I like you, I’ll make you a deal,” Void posed, giving you yet another pet name that made you feel oddly disgusted. 

Stiles had called you plenty of friendly nicknames before - he had even called you ‘babe’ jokingly, on occasion. But ‘darling’ had never spilled from his lips toward you. It was just another horrible reminder that he was so terribly not himself. That the thing wearing his face, puppeting him around was not Stiles. 

“What deal?” You replied. 

It was best to move on and start thinking of ways to take care of Stiles - ways to get him out of this mess. 

“I’ll eat something for Stiles if you do something for me in return.” 

You knew that he kept his wording purposefully vague. And you knew that this was likely what Scott had talked about - his intention to trick you. But Void had you right where he wanted you - desperate, fearful. He was manipulating you using emotions that he didn’t have. 

“What do you want from me?” You dared to ask. 

He smirked. 

“I’ll tell you after Stiles has been fed.” 

You took a moment to consider it, knowing that it was likely a terrible idea to agree to anything when it came to him. But he had you backed into a corner. He knew that he could get you to do anything while holding the culpability of Stiles’s wellbeing over your head. 

“Oh no,” Void said, using an oddly soft, pained tone that varied so much from the emotionless, mocking tone he had been using before. He gripped at Stiles’s stomach, and let out a groan of pain that you knew had to be fake, as he professed before that he made Stiles’s body strong and invincible. “He’s begging for you to help him! You’re right, he hasn’t eaten in days, and he’s really feeling it now! It’s killing him!” 

He was using your empathy to manipulate you. 

“Stop it.” You protested, and it came out much weaker than you had intended - sounding much more like a plea than an order. 

He clutched his stomach tighter, and then, he looked up at you with the saddest water eyes you had ever seen - for a moment, a single breath of a moment - you saw Stiles, your Stiles break through. 

“Please, Y/N.” He said, crying out your name breathlessly. “Please, I’m so hungry.” 

“Fine, fine!” You cried in return, barely realizing how close to tears you were, seeing Stiles beaten down, weak, begging for you to help him. “Fine, you’ve got a deal!” 

In a moment of weakness, rushing to help Stiles, you reached out your hand to shake on it, signifying your promise - and in an instant, Void’s face shifted from that soft, vulnerable boy you knew back to that horrible demon, glaring at you as he reached out and grabbed your hand. You knew that many stories cautioned against making a deal with the devil, and you supposed that making a deal with Nogistune was just as bad. 

But it was done now. All you could do was hope that Stiles would benefit from this. 

A short while later, he had scoffed down a very large piece of cake and was halfway done with the cheeseburger, with you intently watching the whole time to make sure that there were no tricks involved on his part. You thought that the meal would mostly be silent, but he finally spoke up again, looking a bit less intimidating with some remnants of the meal smeared across his face. 

“You know, one thing I can credit humans for…” He said, swallowing before he picked up one of the fries. “Their talent for cruelty. Grinding up an animal, frying it in its own melted fat and then covering it in the stolen milk meant to suckle its babes - that is something I can admire.” 

“I’m sure vegans would love you.” You mumbled quietly, to yourself, not entirely sure if he could hear you. 

“You should join me.” He remarked after another bite - motioning toward the table full of food. “It’s more polite than standing over me like a statue, gawking at me the whole time.” 

You knew that with him holding Stiles hostage, you were in no position to refuse him. So you played right into his demands, pulling out the chair across from him without a word and flipping open the pizza box to grab a slice. You began eating in silence, and naturally - Void continued speaking. 

“This is almost like one of those little dates that you used to have with him, isn’t it?” He spoke quietly, mocking you once again. “At least, that’s what Stiles called them. Dates. He was deluded enough to believe that if he didn’t speak it aloud, his affection for you would simply be known.” 

This punched you in the gut, and you bit your tongue as you took your first bite of pizza. You sputtered with shock and Void continued to look amused. You never thought it was true. Scott always said that Stiles had feelings for you, and Lydia said so too - but you thought they were just theorizing. 

You had never, ever thought that your best friend and long time crush - the person you were in love with - would ever feel the same way about you. 

And you had to find out from a fucking demon. 

You remained silent, busying your mouth with eating as you tried to process the shocking news. 

“But we both really know what it was, huh? He was so pathetic… he didn’t want to be rejected by you, so he never even asked. He was never brave enough. Always so pitiful, and small. Your boy is just a coward.” 

Again, you didn’t say anything. Not playing into his game - unaware of the fact that he could feel your annoyance in the air. He didn’t need you to voice your emotions in order to gain satisfaction from mocking Stiles in your presence. 

So of course, he kept on going. 

“But not as pathetic as he is right now. Sweet and pathetic, begging for your life. Begging for me to spare you. It’s almost like a song. He keeps on telling me to stay away from you as if he has any power over this.” 

“Just shut up and eat.” You told him, sharp and even. 

He nodded and continued, seemingly content with the deal you had made - for now. 

And he finished the burger and fries, and two of the Honey Buns before scrunched up the wrapper on the last one, and then wiped his face with an utterly contented smile. Then he said: 

“Now, time for what I want.” 

You wiped off your face and hands with a napkin, done with your pizza - not having much of an appetite anyway with the situation at hand. There was a flash of worry in your mind. Wondering if he might ask you to kill someone for his benefit because they wouldn’t be expecting it to come from you. Or perhaps he might even ask for something sexual - 

He let out a bright chuckle - almost as if reading your mind and highly amused by your thoughts. 

“No, no. Don’t worry, darling. Nothing like that.” He told you. “I feed off of suffering. Precious pain. Anxiety, heartache, fear. Now it’s time for me to eat.” 

You thought he might say something like that. And you had come prepared with that in mind - prepared to give up anything to get Stiles back. 

You reached into the pocket of your jeans, pulling out a small pocket knife. It was one that Scott had given you shortly after you found out that he had become a werewolf. He had never wanted to hurt you, so - it was silver plated steel, and he had Stiles burn Wolfsbane smoke over the blade to poison it - just in case you ever needed a weapon against one of his kind. It would be useless against Void, and the Wolfsbane wouldn’t poison a human like you. 

But the blade was more than sharp enough to cut you. It would hurt you. It would provide the pain that Void desired. 

You shoved your sleeve up to your elbow and poised the blade at your skin, but Void reached out, stopping you. 

For a heart-stopping moment, you thought that somehow, Stiles had regained control. 

But when your eyes flickered up to his face, you saw nothing but Void’s dark amusement lingering in those eyes. This left you confused as he took the knife from your limp grip. 

“As amusing as that would be, sweet thing, it’s rather… boring.” He declared tiredly. “I had something else in mind.” 

Your throat dried up, and you didn’t even realize that you were trembling as you stared him down with terrible, anxious anticipation, waiting to see what he had in store for you. 

Void licked his lips, practically lapping up the delicious, sweet taste of your fear. 

He pocketed the knife and walked around the table toward you. You resisted the urge to get up and run away as he bracketed so close to your side, leaning on the table and tucking his face close to your cheek. Being this close to him, as close as you had been to Stiles since he had been taken hostage - you could almost be tricked by the faint smell of the familiar body wash coming off his skin, by the warmth that you knew to be so human. 

But this wasn’t Stiles. A thought that only made it all feel so much worse. 

It caused you to hold back tears. 

“No, no, darling.” He whispered against your cheek, causing your throat to clench up again. “If I wanted your pain, I could have it. I could take it.” 

Fuck. What had you gotten yourself into? 

You held back a fearful whimper, and Void joyfully continued. 

“I could smack you, punch you, make you bleed.” 

He went on - the confidence of his words causing your trembling to become more apparent as your heart pounded in your chest. You considered running, but that would mean abandoning Stiles. You came here to check on him - to fight for him. You couldn’t chicken out now. 

“I could take your pathetic little knife and stab you, over and over again while Stiles screams and begs for mercy. I do love it when he begs for your life - he’s so much more desperate when it comes to you.” 

Dear god. Would he actually kill you just to force Stiles to watch? Did Stiles have to be conscious for something like that? 

Would he force Stiles to live for the rest of his life with the guilt of not being able to stop your murder? With him in control, would Stiles even live that much longer? 

“But no. That’s not the game I want to play. Not right now, at least.” 

You hated that he likely saw the breath of relief as it flexed from your chest. 

“What -what do you want, then?” You asked, your throat still clenched by fear, making your words come out choked and weak. 

He put a hand on your cheek - one that felt all too familiar. The hand you had held while walking to class, or cuddling on the couch. The hand that dismissively waved in front of your face when you told him that he had come up with another horrible idea. Void turned your face toward him, and you were then up close and personal with the horrible sight of a pain-fueled demon wearing your sweet best friend’s face. 

“I want your tears.” 

Of course. Emotional pain, rather than physical. You would dare to say that it would be even more potent. 

Good thing you were already so close to crying. 

You would just have to spend a few more minutes thinking about Stiles trapped in there, helpless-

“Tell me about the accident.” He declared, smirking, finding the whole ordeal very satisfying. 

“No.” You immediately replied. 

It was too painful. You couldn’t even think about it, it was too much- 

“No?!” He screamed in your ear, causing you to flinch. “Nobody tells me ‘no’! You promised me something, you stupid little bitch. Now hold up your end of the deal.” 

Sadly, he was right. You had made a deal with him - and if this was part of carrying it out… you would have preferred the pocket knife. 

Even just thinking about that night - the blood, the twisted metal, the terror you had felt. The anxiety, the waiting. It had all been so horrible. It had been hell. A worse hell than a dinner date with a demon who was wearing your best friend as a human skin suit. 

Already, Void felt a deep satisfaction as those emotions began to permeate the air around the two of you. To him, it was the most beautiful kind of poison. He took a deep whiff, and then leaned in close again, running his nose along your hairline to sniff you. 

You shrugged away from the touch, but didn’t have far to go without falling off your chair completely. You were happy when he pulled away again - feeling used and wishing for nothing more than Stiles’s comforting touch and assuring words. 

“Perfect.” He mumbled quietly to himself. “You know, Stiles hardly remembers any of it. The night is almost completely blank in his mind.” 

You didn’t know that. After the hospital, the two of you had never bothered to talk about it in order to compare stories. Like you always did, the two of you just moved on. You looked forward to brighter days, thankful that your friendship was still intact. 

“But I know that you remember everything. Every. Single. Last. Detail.” Void said, giving another terrible laugh. 

He grabbed onto the back of your chair, and using a strength that you knew didn’t belong to Stiles, he roughly tugged on it, forcing it away from the table and spinning you to face him. He came back around to stand in front of you - now, he would be the one standing to loom over you, watching you while you provided him with a delicious meal. 

“So, come on,” He prodded. “I want to hear the whole story. And you better not leave anything out.” 

He stood there in complete satisfaction, his arms crossed as he grinned down at you with a devilish smile. 

You took a deep breath, fidgeting with your fingers for a moment. You gathered your courage, and then you began to speak. 

This is for Stiles, you assured yourself. For Stiles. 

“Well, it was the night of the winter formal.” You started off. “And when I saw Stiles screech out of the parking lot in his Jeep at top speed-” 

“No, no.” Void shook his head, cutting you off. “I said start at the beginning.” He scolded you sharply. “That’s not the beginning, is it? I want all the details. Go back to the beginning of the night.” 

“Are you serious?” 

At first, you were utterly confused. He asked you to tell him about the accident. What did a high school dance have to do with a car accident? 

“Of course, darling.” He smirked at you. 

Then, it hit you. He didn’t just want the gorey details. He wanted every ounce of your suffering. He wanted Stiles to suffer too. Especially if he said that Stiles didn’t remember it. He wanted you to recount the entire night to Stiles from your perspective. It was why he had brought up Stiles’s ‘affection’ for you. 

He wanted both of you to suffer in the misery that you had been in love with each other for so long and not been together. The stupidity that you were both blind idiots who kept each other from happiness the whole time. 

So you took a breath, and you told your story how he wanted to hear it, starting from the beginning of the night. 

… 

You were utterly miserable. 

It was one of the biggest dances of the year (well, aside from Prom and Homecoming…) and you didn’t have a date. You had spent a huge chunk of money, your savings from a crappy minimum wage job waiting tables, on a gorgeous dress and shoes, hoping that Stiles would ask you to the dance. But he was going with Lydia. 

You guessed that you had to be happy for him. He had been crushing on her since the third grade, and he was finally going on a date with her. A good best friend would be happy for him. 

But naturally, you were still trying to look your absolute best, maybe, selfishly, in the hope that he would see you from across the room and realize that he had made the wrong choice. Lydia was an amazing, sweet girl - and you genuinely hated the type of jealousy that this was making you feel. 

You knew that logically, you had no claim over Stiles. He was just your friend, and he was more than free to go on dates with other girls. It was downright toxic of you to not ask him to the dance and then get upset when he happily went with someone else as his date. 

But you tried not to think about that as you put the finishing touches on your look. You had gone all out with your best hair and make-up to compliment your expensive crystal blue satin dress. Whether it was to make yourself feel better or to try and capture Stiles’s attention - you still weren’t entirely sure. 

“Lip-gloss?” Allison appeared behind you, holding a hand out, looking for the aforementioned product. 

You handed it to her and she leaned down, looking into the mirror of your vanity while applying it. She had told you that getting ready at her own house would have simply been ‘too weird’ because she was fighting with her family, and she wanted some calm down time. So she had asked to get ready with you, with the offer that Jackson could give you both a ride from there. 

“Look, I’m sorry.” She said, feeling too awkward in the silence as you applied your mascara, focusing on your work and not looking at her in the mirror. She knelt down beside you, guilt written across her face. “If I had known that you liked Stiles, I wouldn’t have set him up with Lydia.” 

“It’s not a big deal.” You remarked. “Like you said, you didn’t know.” After a moment, you added on: “It’s kind of… good. Like a relief. I almost feel like it’s less pressure.” You shrugged. “I can just go and have fun without worrying about impressing him.” 

You had been lying to yourself. You absolutely hated it with every fiber of your being. You didn’t want to be angry with Allison, but you knew that she was better friends with Lydia than she was with you. That’s why she hadn’t known about your feelings for Stiles before now. When she had asked why you seemed so upset about the news that the two were going to the dance together, you told her, and she explained with a sour, sad face that she had set them up. 

You hated it, but you couldn’t help thinking that this was the first step to Stiles and Lydia becoming a thing - the first act in them dating for long months while you resented Lydia for stealing something you once saw as yours. 

And you hated yourself for being that kind of person. 

Allison chuckled at this. 

“Yeah… Well, Scott’s not going at all, so none of us get to go with the person we want to be with.” She said in a deeply sad tone, obviously aching from her own problems. 

… 

“It’s a shame, isn’t it?” Void commented, drawing you from the memory. “A pretty girl spends too much money on a dress, trying to impress some moron who won’t even notice it.” 

He was mocking Stiles again. 

“And then you had to see him with her.” 

You nodded. 

You could picture it so perfectly in your mind. Getting out of Jackson’s car and seeing Stiles rush to open the door for her - the way he smiled at her, the way he looked at her like she held the world on the edges of her lips. You wanted nothing more than for him to look at you like that. Her perfect ‘strawberry blonde’ hair fluttering in the wind as they walked arm-in-arm across the parking lot. 

It caused the most awful aching pain in your chest that you had ever felt. You didn’t truly know how precious Stiles was to you until you saw him with someone else. 

You knew Jackson was aching too, for much the same reason. And when he had offered you a swig of his drink, you took it. But it wore off too soon for your tastes and you didn’t have more. So for the better part of the night, you were forced to feel your pain while his was drowned out by the booze. 

“Tell me. Tell me how it made you feel.” Void egged you on, wanting you to say it out loud even though your pain was all too palpable in the air. 

“Like I was dying inside,” You answered, your throat tight but - still no tears yet. “Like all good had drained from the world. Like I had lost the most precious thing in my life and I would have to sit at the sidelines watching a perfect story play out when I was supposed to be a part of it.” 

Void took a deep breath, sniffing the air again. And then he chuckled. 

“Your pathetic teenage angst is… so amusing.” He grinned at you, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do tell me more.” 

You had no clue that somewhere inside of there, Stiles was hit with his own wave of intense sadness - something else for Void to feed off of. He had no clue that you had been in love with him for so long. He had no clue how many opportunities he had missed out on to tell you about his feelings - how long he could have been happily dating you. 

He hated how much time the two of you had missed out on. 

Void sat contently between Stiles’s complicit misery and your renewed angst as you continued the story. 

… 

You had moped around all night. 

You thought perhaps the only person more miserable than you at that dance was Scott - stuck hiding in the shadows, forced to watch Allison dance with Jackson while pretending he wasn’t even there. 

But eventually, he too got his way after making a huge scene that even stopped the band for a moment - and left Coach feeling embarrassed when everyone thought that he went off on a homophobic screaming tirade because Scott was dancing with Danny. Good thing Beacon Hills was pretty progressive. 

After spending all night on the bleachers on the verge of tears, you decided to leave to get yourself a chocolate bar from the vending machine - nothing goes better with sorrow than chocolate, right? Well, perhaps Jackson had a point in pairing his sorrow with liquor. But you weren’t at that point yet. 

You were considering just calling it a night altogether. But you saw Stiles standing by himself, sans Lydia, and you figured it was a good time to make your move, if you were going to make one. 

You wandered over to him shyly. 

You had been feeling so down about yourself, you didn’t notice the way his eyes traced over every inch of you with awe - the way his lips parted with slight shock and wonder at how beautiful you looked that night. 

Just as he was about to tell you so, you spoke up. 

“So… where’s Lydia?” You asked. 

“Oh, uh - she went to go find Jackson.” He said, disappointment seeping through every single inch of his voice. 

“Naturally.” You replied. 

You wanted to rant and scream about how she wasn’t good enough for him if she was going to ditch him for a guy who supposedly didn’t even want her anymore. 

Your eyes strayed over to Allison and Scott on the dance floor, looking at each other with nothing but affection - clearly, only thinking of the other person, so caught up in their own little bubble. She didn’t care that Jackson had ditched her. A small flare of jealousy went through you. 

You wished that could be you and Stiles. 

“Do you wanna dance?” You asked Stiles, hoping that you could have your moment, even if it meant stealing him away from Lydia (when she clearly didn’t care). 

He gave you a shy grin. “Okay.” 

You grabbed his hand and led him out to the dance floor, and his hands found a natural place on your hips while you softly draped your arms around his neck. The two of you swayed to the slow music for a moment before you spoke again. 

“This is nice.” You commented, smiling. 

Though it had felt impossible only an hour ago, you actually felt happiness creeping in. Standing there underneath the coloured lights, dancing with the one person you had wanted the whole time. It was nice. There was still a lick of mourning lingering in your chest. You knew that Stiles still only viewed you as a friend, and you weren’t sure if you could ever gather that courage to take the leap and tell him about how you truly felt. As much as you wanted to just pull him close and kiss him. 

“You know, you were the one person I actually wanted to dance with tonight.” You continued on. “And-” You cut yourself off with a sigh, not wanting to sound too vulnerable. 

“Yeah.” Stiles replied - though he sounded oddly distant and thoughtless. 

When you looked at his face again, you realized that he was staring at something over your shoulder, and you craned your neck to see that he was gawking at his watch. 

“Ugh, really?” You scoffed, pushing him away. “Is dancing with me so awful that you feel the need to time it?” 

“No.” He shook his head furiously, hating what you were accusing him of. “That’s not - look, Lydia’s been gone for over ten minutes! I’m worried.” 

You shook your head, sighing deeply in defeat. Of course he was still thinking about her. 

“Did you ever consider that maybe she found Jackson? That maybe they’re off somewhere making out? That she just ditched you because she doesn’t give a shit about you?” You argued, full of pain, your voice raising in volume to the point where you attracted stares from others on the dancefloor. 

A look of pure pain streaked across Stiles’s face at your words. 

“Whatever.” Stiles shrugged. “I’m going to find her. Because I actually care about her. And because I trust my gut.” He sharply bumped your shoulder as he passed, leaving you feeling more rejected and horrible than ever.

You turned and fled from the room, scurrying away from the many eyes on you once you realized that people were still staring. 

… 

“His gut.” Void chuckled. “He always did have good instincts, didn’t he?” 

He did. Stiles had amazing instincts. 

Because you had been assuming the worst - believing that Lydia had ditched Stiles to go and make-out with Jackson, when in reality, she had been bleeding to death on the lacrosse field. Stiles had been more than right to go looking for her. 

Given, that was before you even knew about the existence of werewolves and all the other bullshit that ran ramped in Beacon Hills. But it didn’t make you feel like any less of a horrible person when you found out. 

“Did you ever consider what a selfish bitch you are?” 

Void continued on when you didn’t speak, seamlessly picking up with his mocking. Of course, he knew all the weak spots to hit. He could feel right where you were soft and vulnerable - right where you flexed with hurt under his taunts. 

“Whining about not getting to dance with some dork while an innocent girl was bleeding to death? Talk about priorities.” 

“I didn’t know.” You replied, your voice stiff. 

You knew it was a poor excuse. You knew that ultimately, you were selfish. You should have gone with Stiles to look for Lydia. You should have helped. 

Distantly, caged up inside of Void - Stiles was eternally thankful about that argument. He was thankful that you had been distanced from all of it, kept away from Peter Hale’s hungry claws. He would have gone insane, having you and Lydia in hospital beds, side by side, not knowing what the fate of either of you would be. 

“Yeah, you can just keep telling yourself that same bullshit, sweetheart.” Void said, his voice a low whisper. “But we both know what you are. Maybe in reality, you’re not that much different from someone like me.” 

Maybe that realization hurt more than anything. 

Maybe that was his intention - to hit you with a truth that would wound you. 

“You know… he still thinks about you in that dress.” Void spoke quietly again, carefully, painstakingly choosing each word. “How… beautiful you looked. His perfect rare crystal.” 

He put emphasis on each word in a way that sent chills down your spine. His sharp gaze coming from Stiles’s honey whiskey eyes felt infinitely darker, and rather than feeling treasured as something good, something valuable like you usually did when Stiles looked at you - you felt filthy. You felt a sense of fear, knowing that Void would use Stiles precious appreciation of you to hurt him. To hurt both of you. 

“That was the night he knew for certain that he was in love with you.” Void let out another laugh - dark and low. “The night he knew that he loved you more than he ever loved Lydia. She was laying in front of him dying, and still - all he could think about was protecting you. Protecting you from the threat.” 

Your throat clenched up, and anything you were going to say was lost. 

“I guess he’s selfish too, isn’t he?” Void posed. “You two are perfect for each other, I suppose.” 

Then, he put on a weak, small, wobbling voice, and began to mock the unique, crippling fear that Stiles had experienced that night. 

“Where’s Y/N? I need to find her. I need to protect her. Is she next?” 

Nausea tightened in your stomach. 

A unique tightness clutched at your chest. 

Stiles had known he was in love with you that night. 

He had been trying to protect you. 

Is that why he had fled from the dance so suddenly? 

“Ask me the question.” Void grinned, entirely excited now that you had put it together, made the realization. “Come on, ask me the question. We both know you want to.” 

“Why are you doing this?” You choked out. 

This was not the question he wanted. 

But still, he indulged you. 

“I told you.” He said firmly. “I like pain.” 

He took a step forward then, leaning down, bracketing his hands by your hips on the wooden kitchen chair’s seat, his face tight in your personal space once again. 

“Now… ask me the question.” 

You took a shallow breath. 

You hated how intimidating he was. You hated knowing that if it had actually been Stiles who was this close to you, it would have given you butterflies or even turned you on, but instead - you felt anxiety having him this close. 

You couldn’t help but to give him what he wanted. 

“What really happened that night?” You whimpered out, terrified of that answer. “Why did Stiles leave the dance?” 

Void grinned. 

“What a brilliant question. You are such a clever girl.” 

… 

All of it happened so fast. 

Stiles spotted Lydia from afar - her red hair very distinctive. Then he saw it - a humanoid shape transforming into a big, black beast. Razor sharp teeth and claws. 

He begged for her life, and he had been given one chance to spare her - a single call to Jackson. Luckily, the asshole picked up. (It was the one time in Stiles’s life that he had ever been thankful for Jackson’s existence.) 

And then, he was being kidnapped, forced into his own car and being forced to drive to God knows where. 

Of course, he was far too busy with the panic of it all, and he didn’t notice you. 

He didn’t notice you - stumbling into the parking lot, looking for him in order to apologize for what you had said. He didn’t notice you watching with suspicion and confusion as his Jeep pulled out of the parking lot at top speed. He didn’t notice you going into your purse for your phone, looking to call his dad, considering making a report to him about it - only to find Jackson’s keys in your purse from earlier that night. Because when you had spotted him still drinking more than an hour into the dance, so sloshed that he could barely stand, you had demanded his keys from him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him drink and drive. 

Stiles hadn’t noticed you getting into Jackson’s car and stealing it in order to trail behind him to see where he was going - just in time to miss Jackson running through the parking lot screaming for help with Lydia’s limp body in his arms. 

Stiles was too busy with panic and anxiety to notice any of that, far too busy wondering if he was going to get out of this alive. And now, he was driving down a deserted backroad with Peter Hale in his passenger’s seat, who was making entirely sexist remarks about how Lydia would end up ripping his throat out ‘twice a month’ if she survived The Bite. 

“You know, you didn’t have to protect her from it.” Peter droned on, increasing Stiles’s anxiety and annoyance. “It’s going to make her whole life better. She’ll thank me for it when she’s ready.” 

“You should have just left her out of this.” Stiles bit back. “Lydia is a good girl. She doesn’t deserve any of this.” He huffed. “If she dies, I swear to god, I’ll-” 

“You’ll what?” 

Peter chuckled, grinning, seeming amused by Stiles’s vague, likely unbackable threats. Stiles ground his teeth, not responding - hating that they both knew he wouldn’t be able to follow through on anything he threatened. Not when Peter could kill him with one clean swipe of his claws. 

“You’re protective. I do admire that in a man.” He paused, thinking. “Though, I suppose… you’re not quite a man, are you? At least not yet.” 

Stiles bit his tongue, not wanting to make any further threats that he couldn’t live up to. He had seen what Peter could do, and unfortunately - he knew that he didn’t have the physical force to fight against him. 

So what the hell could he do? 

That was the question that made Stiles’s mind tink on anxiously, convincing him further that he just might end up dead tonight. 

“What about your other pretty friend?” Peter wondered aloud, changing the subject suddenly in a way that confused Stiles. “Are you just as protective of her?” 

“What? Are you talking about Y/N?” Stiles’s heart began pumping even more viciously with anxiety, absolutely terrified that you were on Peter’s radar. 

He hated that he knew Peter could hear it - that spike in his heart rate that indicated his fear, his weakness. 

“The one in the blue dress.” Peter told him, seeming almost disinterested in the conversation as he picked at his nails. Stiles’s heart thumped harder in affirmation, and Peter continued. “She wears that lovely vanilla perfume-” 

“Leave her out of this!” Stiles screamed at the top of his lungs, rage overtaking him so suddenly that he almost swerved off the road - Peter reached over and corrected this, rolling his eyes at the outburst. 

Stiles clenched his jaw tightly and looked ahead at the road, fuming. 

(Driving behind him in Jackson’s car, you wondered why his driving was suddenly so erratic.) 

“You leave her the hell alone.” Stiles huffed, praying that there was some finality to his words. 

“That would be a little difficult, considering that she’s been following us for half a mile.” Peter grinned. “I am going to have to speak to her about this whole matter when we arrive.” 

Stiles thought that Peter was bluffing - trying to use you as leverage to get him to co-operate, just as he had done with Lydia. But when he squinted into the rearview mirror, he saw… Jackson’s car? And a flash of blue in the driver’s seat that must have been your dress. 

Fuck. 

He was so screwed. 

“What do you mean ‘speak to her’?” Stiles questioned, entirely panicked. 

“Well, we can’t have her running back to the Argents to warn them.” Peter smirked. “Perhaps, I can convince her how beneficial the Bite would be to her-” 

“No!” 

Stiles screamed, his voice filling up the entire cab of the Jeep with the might of his protection toward you. 

“Enough! Okay? Enough. You can do whatever you want with me - I’ll do whatever you want, I swear. And then you can kill me when you’re done with me so I won’t blab.” His voice tightened up around these words, slightly frightened to resign himself to this fate, but he was willing to do whatever it would take to protect you. “Just leave her the hell alone.” 

“And if I don’t?” Peter asked, taunting, clearly enjoying the emotional reaction prompted from Stiles trying to protect you. “What can you possibly do about it?” 

Think. Stiles wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel. Think, think, think, Stiles! You’re supposed to be the clever one. 

An idea popped into his head. 

It wasn’t clever. It wasn’t good. But it was the only idea that he had. 

And when he took one last glance in the rearview mirror and realized that you were about twenty feet back - more than enough to hit the brakes in time - he resigned himself to it. 

He put his seatbelt on, and then - he harshly turned the wheel toward the nearest tree and - he gunned it. 

… 

The crash shocked you. 

You slammed on the brakes as quickly as you could, and came to a stop a few feet behind the tree that Stiles had rammed into. You stumbled out of the driver’s side door in shock, tears in your eyes as you wandered toward the Jeep - which was now nothing more than a heap of twisted metal, smoking, the horn blaring loudly where it was crumbled against the tree. 

“Stiles?” You called out, praying that he would answer you. “Stiles?” 

You slowly came around the car, finally able to get a good view of him through the smashed driver’s side window. 

He was entirely still, collapsed against the air-bag that had emerged from the steering wheel, blood smeared all over the white material. So much blood. It painted the smashed front windshield, dripped through his shirt. He was so still. He wasn’t moving. He-

“Stiles?” 

When he didn’t respond, you let out a loud sob. 

“Stiles? Come on - you - you have to-!” You couldn’t contain another sob as it tore through you, making you utterly breathless. 

You had been so distraught that you didn’t notice the passenger side door was wide open, even though there was not a single trace that anybody had been sitting there. Even if you had noticed, you likely would have chalked it up to the door being flung open from the force of the crash. 

Your ears were pounding with blood from the shock and you didn’t even notice the wolf-like howls echoing into the night above you. 

…

“I thought he was dead.” 

Your body couldn’t contain another sob when you got to this part in the story - finally providing Void with the tears he so desired. 

As you went over the horrors of that night in your mind, they now poured freely down your face. Your pain was made even worse with the stunning realization: Stiles had done it all to protect you. Put himself in danger, gone through so much pain - all to protect you. 

Void smiled at you - a terrible, haunting grin that he mocked you while wearing the face of the man you loved the most. 

“So beautiful.” He hummed, reaching out and wiping your tears - not to comfort you, of course. He gathered the wetness on his fingers and brought it to his lips, licking it. At this, he gave a satisfied sound. “So much pain.” 

“Are we done now?” You asked, wanting to be alone to wallow in your pain. 

Truthfully - you wanted nothing more than the comfort of Stiles. You wanted him to hold you and tell you that everything would be okay in the soothing way that he always did. You wondered if hugging Void would feel the same. You wondered if you could close your eyes and pretend, even for a moment. 

“No.” He told you, enjoying the extra little bit of anguish he could wring from you by telling you this. “Because that wasn’t the worst part, was it?” 

…

“Look, Noah, it’s probably nothing.” Melissa said firmly, doing her best to try and soothe the fellow parent. Sheriff Stilinski had already been at the hospital to take a report on what had happened to Lydia when something else came over the radio - a car accident report about a crash involving a blue Jeep. “Stiles isn’t the only person in this town who drives a-” 

Before she could even get the words out, the paramedics came bursting into the ambulance bay, wheeling in a bloodied, unconscious Stiles on a stretcher with you walking beside them, holding his hand. 

“My boy.” The Sheriff sobbed, rushing to reach them. 

Melissa knew that the doctors would likely need to get him up to the ER with the kind of condition that he was in, so she moved to escort you and the Sheriff to the waiting room. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and you refused to be pulled away - you refused to let go of his hand. 

“He needs me.” You bawled, tears still steadily streaming down your face. “He needs me!” 

“Let them work, sweetie, just-” Melissa argued gently, trying to be understanding about the kind of shock you were in. 

“He needs me! He needs me!” 

She held you back, tearing your grip off of Stiles so that he could be escorted to the ER. Melissa began to cradle you comfortingly, rubbing a hand on your shoulder. 

There was only a short moment of silence before-

“What the hell happened?” The Sheriff turned to you, barking the words loudly, obviously yearning for answers about how Stiles had gotten hurt. 

“I - I don’t know.” You answered meekly, feeling intimidated by him. 

“Was he drinking? Were you two partying?” He screamed, getting closer into your space. 

Quickly, Melissa stepped between the two of you, putting a hand on Sheriff Stilinski’s chest to keep him at bay. 

“Noah, stop it-” 

“Was he drinking?” He pressed, forcing the words out slower, as though you were too dumb to understand. 

“What? No!” You quickly replied. “Stiles doesn’t drink!” 

(That had been a lie. You had seen him drink a few times at parties. But you knew that he was a firm proponent of designated sober drivers because of how many accident reports his father had filed from drunk drivers that involved death.) 

“Even if he was, I would never let him drive! Stiles would never let anybody drink and drive because that’s what you taught him!” 

You felt a slight bit of guilt, knowing that you had sipped on Jackson’s bottle and gotten behind the wheel. You wondered if that one single sip made you guilty of the crime that Stiles was so very much against. 

Before you could dwell on it too much, you continued. 

“I took Jackon’s keys from him to keep him from drunk driving! That’s how I followed Stiles in the first place.” 

“You used my car?” Jackson appeared behind you suddenly, taking on an accusatory tone. 

Everyone ignored him. 

“Well? Where was he going? What was he doing? How the hell did this happen?”

“I. Don’t. Know.” You ground out slowly. “It’s not like it was my fault!” 

… 

Void let out another astrid laugh. 

“Oh, but it was.” He grinned. “It was all your fault. How did it feel lying to a police officer about the fact that you almost killed his son?” 

“I wasn’t lying.” You replied, your throat gripped by tears. “I didn’t know.” 

You were glad that you hadn’t known the truth at the time. You weren’t sure if you could have faced the Sheriff, knowing that Stiles’s near death experience had been all your fault. 

“Would you look the Sheriff in the eyes and tell him that now?” Void asked. “Or would you apologize? Tell him that it’s all your fault that stupid, infatuated Stiles crashed his car into a tree trying to save you?” 

“I-” You choked out, truly unsure what to say. “I don’t know.” 

“Would you have taken his place?” Void snipped, quick to berate you with more questions. 

“What?” You parroted back, slightly confused. 

“Would you have taken his place?” He repeated. “You - caught up in that heap of twisted metal, carted off to the hospital to be poked and prodded by doctors, cut up, barely alive? Him - crying at your bedside like a pathetic idiot?” 

You had never considered it. You didn’t think it was wise to dwell on the past or mull-over hypotheticals like that. But truthfully - you thought that what had happened to you was worse. You thought that Stiles got the better end of it, sleeping through most of it while you had to steep in your pain. 

“Y-yes.” You said, hesitating slightly, feeling as though this was the proper, kind answer - saying that you would have taken the physical pain for him - that you would have laid in the bed and taken all of it in his place if you could have. 

“Uh-oh.” Void said, shaking his head. “Nobody likes a liar, Y/N.” 

How he knew that you were lying, you had no clue. 

But you were eager to move on from it before he prodded you about it any further. So you quickly moved on with your story. 

“And then, there was the waiting.” You told him. “We had to wait hours for him to come out of surgery, wondering if he was going to live. And then I waited for weeks by his bedside, wondering if he was ever going to wake up.” 

You swallowed around a painful knot in your throat as you remembered it. 

“So perfectly pathetic, isn’t it?” Void commented. “The way that you showed up to that hospital every single day - spent nights sleeping beside him in an uncomfortable plastic chair, just waiting… every single day waiting to see if he was going to wake up. Or rather - seeing if he was going to finally slip away. Waiting to see if he was finally going to die.” 

You let out more tears and Void sniffed the air again, taking a deep breath, enjoying the depth of your pain. 

“I wish I could have been there.” He remarked. “Every single day, you mourned over him. You cried for him. What a waste of sweet suffering.” 

He let out another laugh. You go do nothing more but sit there and let him mock you, let him indulge in the suffering that you had promised him. 

“You showed up every single day and he didn’t even know it. You talked to him, read to him, played him music… not even knowing if he could hear you. Thinking that he could hear you, but just… hinging it all on that tiny ray of hope.” 

You thought for certain that Void would confirm then and there that Stiles had never heard you when he had been comatose, because before he had said that your hope being broken was ‘delicious’. 

But what he did next hurt so much more.

Because of course, he knew the worst, most perfect ways to hurt you.  

“You read him The Velveteen Rabbit… because he said that his Mommy used to read it to him.” 

Void said, mocking deep in his voice. And then, he put on a shrill impression of you as he spoke again - repeating word for word what you had said to Stiles when you had been at his bedside. Private words that had been meant only for Stiles. 

“‘Stiles, you have to wake up. You have to wake up so we can be together again. Look, I know I messed up before, but… I really like you. I might even love you. Fuck it - I do love you. I’m in love with you, and you - you have to wake up so that I can spend the rest of my life loving you.’” 

He burst into laughter with these last words, cutting right through you. 

“Well, newsflash!” He screamed, startling you with his sudden volume, shaking you. “Stiles isn’t going to wake up this time. He’s never coming back again. You’re going to spend the rest of your life alone.” 

“He will.” You said weakly, knowing how defeated you sounded. “He’ll come back. He’ll come back to me, I know it.” 

You and Void both knew that you were trying to convince yourself with these words. 

Void pulled up his shirt, showing off the long, jagged scar in the middle of Stiles’s stomach - the scar he had from the accident. 

“See this? This is his human weakness.” Void stated. “I came along and I made him into something so much better. I made him strong. I made him-” 

“You ruined him!” You screamed, finally standing from your chair, hyper charged with your own rage now. “You took away everything that made him good - his sweetness, his kindness, his empathy. You-” 

“No, sweetheart.” Void grabbed your face, shutting you up and causing sharp shocks of pain across your head as he roughly jostled you. “Those things have always been his downfall. His stupid kindness and empathy caused him to crash himself into a fucking tree tyring to protect you. You - a dumb bitch who is still willing to put herself this close to a demon who could gut her in a second without a single care.” 

You held your breath. You waited for him to do something more - to truly attempt to harm you. 

And then, after a paralyzing second of staring into those dead eyes - he let you go again. You took a step back. You should have run - you should have run, and run, until you found Scott or someone else. But he was right. You were a dumb bitch. Even now, you couldn’t abandon Stiles. 

“You know, it’s even the same thing right now.” Void grinned. “The minute he gets back the slightest bit of control, he keeps trying to crash the damn car. He keeps trying to protect you!” 

He burst into laughter again, and your insides shook with fear. 

You knew that Stiles ‘crashing the car’ this time would only end with him dying. And you weren’t sure which was worse - him living in there, trapped and tortured while a demon controlled his body - or him killing himself to end all potential harm that Void could do to you and anybody else. 

“Even now, he’s begging me to shove this pathetic little knife into his neck,” He said, taking your knife out of his pocket and raising it up to his jugular. “Just so that there won’t be a single chance of me hurting you.” 

Your chest jumped. 

Upon instinct, you stepped forward and grabbed his wrist, attempting to pull the knife back - but of course, Void was much stronger than you, and his grip didn’t budge. Not even a slight bit. 

Your heart raced as you began to panic. 

“Please, don’t-” You muttered out, knowing that begging was likely your only course of action, whether Void or Stiles was the one in control. 

He grinned. “What are you going to do to stop me?” 

You had an idea. A terrible one. 

You leaned in, sealing your lips onto his - feeling chapped skin against yours and for a moment thinking that you had a one-way ticket to getting stabbed. But then, you felt the stiff, tense form underneath you soften up. You felt a gentle sigh, a sigh of relief leave Stiles’s lips as he pressed back, pushing into the kiss as though he had been yearning for this for centuries. 

The hand holding the knife to his neck shook - sharp spasms going through the muscles as he battled with himself. And after a moment, he dropped the object to the floor with a quiet clatter. Then, he brought that hand to smooth across your back in a gentle, comforting way that could have only been Stiles. 

You pulled away from the kiss after a moment, and when you looked into his eyes, you knew for certain that it was him. The softness, the sadness, the apologetic mourning. 

“Y/N-” He croaked out, releasing a few years of his own. 

“Hang in there, my love.” You told him, reaching up to gently grasp at his cheek. 

And then, just like the sun peeking through on a cloudy day - he was gone. 

Void’s horrible grin took over once again, and all the life dropped out of those eyes. 

“You truly are pathetic.” He said, giving another horrible laugh. 

Perhaps he was trying to convince you that Stiles had never been there, that it had only been a trick, but - you knew what you saw. 

Void hated it. 

It was something that he absolutely hated to admit, but you gave Stiles strength. You were likely the only person in town, likely the only thing on earth that could have given him - a weak, stupid, pathetic human, the strength to overpower the epic thousand year old demon that had taken control. 

In that moment, in an instant, he decided that you had to be eliminated. 

Void didn’t hesitate to reach down and pick up the knife. 

“No-” You gasped out. 

Before you could blink, he grabbed your shoulder, shoved you against a nearby wall, and plunged the small blade into your stomach. He didn’t stop just once - he stabbed you again, and again, and again - creating a flurry of blood and mashing flesh that caused you to gasp from the pain and sheer shock that overtook your body. 

It didn’t hurt as much as you expected it to. It was like a simple pinprick - nothing more painful than a needle piercing your skin for a routine blood sample. But when you felt the intense hot waves of blood pouring out, soaking your clothes - you knew that it was bad. You were already shaking from the shock and you knew that him pressing against you was the only thing still holding you up. 

Void took a tight hold of your face, both your cheeks in one blood-coated hand, and pressed his forehead tightly into yours. 

“Look at her.” He growled out, his voice as sharp and frightening as ever. “Look at her. Look at her while she’s dying.” 

You knew in an instant that he wasn’t talking to you. 

“Look at what you’ve done, Stiles!” He screeched, his voice harsh, almost distorted. “All that begging… all that begging - all for nothing!” 

“It’s okay.” You huffed out, reaching up, your hand surprisingly bloody, trying to touch his cheek in comfort. “It-it’s okay.” 

You were determined to survive this. Or - at the very least - you didn’t want Stiles living with the guilt if you didn’t. 

“Stiles-” 

Void wouldn’t stand for it. This comfort. 

He quickly stamped out this truth with a few more quick, violent jabs of the knife into your gut, forcing Stiles to watch as he violently eviscerated you. 

Then, he tossed the knife aside and let you slump to the floor before he walked away. 

He left you for dead, all too pleased with how utterly the sight of you bloodied and limp tortured Stiles. 

He left you there, not knowing that he left you with just enough determination - just enough life left you to drag your shaking body to the phone and get a bloody hand wrapped around it.

...

Please keep in mind, this is a oneshot, so there will not be a sequel or a 'Part 2'. If you enjoyed this fic, please consider reblogging it to show your appreciation, commenting on this fic, or you can take a look at my Teen Wolf Masterlist for more of my fics from this fandom.

However, please do not comment on this fic asking for a sequel or asking for more - I generally consider that stressful and impolite. If you are going to comment, please comment about the body of work that has been written.

Because I ended the fic the way I did, I do have some ideas for a potential sequel, but it's not something that I am rushing to write, and it's not something that will be on my schedule anytime soon. If you would like to, you can come into my inbox and chat about my ideas for the potential sequel - but right now they are just ideas and they will stay that way for a long time before becoming a full realised story (if they ever become one). I hope you enjoyed this fic as the capsule story oneshot that I always intended for it to be, and that you enjoy my other works if you do check them out.

[voidsbabe]

After we graduated (2)

Pairing: Stiles x female reader

Characters: Stiles, Lydia

Word count: 1,6k

Warnings: please keep in mind that english isn’t my first language

Masterlist

———————/

Stiles inhales deeply and licks his lips. He looks at this beautiful baby girl and starts to see some similarities between him and Claudia. Claudia has Stiles’s eyes and some of his behaviours.

“Ok little one, It’s getting late and that means you have to go to sleep” says Stiles and takes Claudia in his arms. He goes to her room and lays her down to her bed.

"Can you find my rabbit? I can't sleep without it.” Says Claudia looking at him with exactly like his puppy eyes. Stiles looks around trying to find a little plushy rabbit. Instead of that he notices a picture. He frowns and gets closer to see that one particular photo. A huge smile appears on Stiles’s face. It’s a picture of the whole pack right after graduation which he believes Coach took. He smiles to that memory.

Next to that he notices one pink rabbit.

“Found it sweetie!” Says Stiles and gives it to almost sleeping Claudia. He kisses her on her forehead and leaves her room.

**********

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Says Stiles right after you enter the living room. You frown, not understanding what he means.

“Claudia. Is she my child?” asks Stiles with some frustration in his voice. “Is she mine? Just tell me Y/N!”

“Cool out.” You whisper “you are going to wake up Claudia”.

Stiles’s chest is rising rapidly as he looks at you. He’s breathing faster and faster in anger and frustration.

“So that’s true. She is my child. SHE IS MY CHILD AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?” yell Stiles.

Claudia comes downstairs and looks at you and Stiles sleepy.

“Mommy, why are you both yelling?” She asks.

You give Stiles a death stare and run to Claudia. You kiss her on the forehead.

“It’s nothing, baby. We are so sorry that we have woken you up. Go to your bed and I will be there in a minute sweetie pie” you say. Your little girl does as you told her and goes back to her bed.

“Look what you have done.” You say angry.

Stiles bites his lips and closes his eyes.

“I can’t do this. I can’t be around you right now.” He says and you can’t help but notice some tears in his eyes as he leaves your house.

You cover your face with your hands and take some deep breaths to calm yourself. You feel your throat slowly tighten. You take one more deep breath and finally go to Claudia’s room. You push her doors just to see your little angel peacefully sleeping holding her pink rabbit. You smile a little. She seems so peaceful and innocent and somehow she’s still a little devil in the morning… just like her father.

-------------

After a few weeks you finally find courage to call Lydia and tell her everything “Lydia, has Stiles been calling or texting you?” you ask her hoping that Lydia would say yes. Claudia has been asking about Stiles since the next morning when she asked you why you both have been yelling at night and since you can’t lie to her because she’s smart just like her dad, you finally confess the truth crossing your fingers for the good ending and her being understanding even though she’s just a kid and she shouldn’t have been through that.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but no. He hasn’t been talking to anyone after he found out” says Lydia “I’m really sorry that I can’t be there with you and Claudia. How's the little angel holding up since you told her?”

You put your phone on speaker and unpack your groceries.

“Well, she’s been a little quiet since then but I feel like she understands why I haven’t told her nor her dad about everything. She’s just six but you know how smart she can be. I just hope it wouldn’t cause any trauma because I never really wanted that to happen.” You say and sigh loudly. You hear Lydia saying some things about Stiles but you don’t listen to her because of that sudden memory that appears in your head and holds onto you tightly.

“Lydia, I gotta go” you say and hang up.

“OMG Y/N I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT TO THE FBI'' says Stiles looking at you. “I mean yes I know it would be far away from New York City but we still can be in touch. That's easy. Me, you, Scott, Allison, Lydia and Isaac we would all stay in touch and it would be amazing. We could hang out and do some things and I could tell you about some cases and…” he says out of his breath. You just giggle a little seeing little sparks in his eyes. He is truly happy. You feel tears in your eyes as you watch Stiles calling to Scott to get the whole pack together. You bite your lips and wipes tears away. Even though you are so happy for your friends, all you can feel is fear. You don’t know what the future will look like and how to be a single mom. Yes, you could tell Stiles but it would definitely end everything. He’s so happy and you want him to stay that way after everything that has happened and after the void you can finally see true happiness in his eyes.

You shake your head just like you are trying to get that memory out of your head.

Stiles still hasn’t called even though you left him a couple voicemails hoping that he would listen to all of them and somehow appear in your door ready to listen to you but that didn’t happen. It was all just in your head. Your head was messing up with you and it was slowly killing you. You sigh and sit on the couch trying to distract yourself by watching a stupid movie about some teenagers trying to not to fall in love. You frown a little as you hear the doorbell ringing. You didn’t invite anyone so it seems even weirder to hear your doorbell ring. You get to the doors and open them. You hear your jaw loudly dropping to the ground.

“Stiles” you say still pretty shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my daughter and you. I got a present for Claudia.” he says and gives you a box of Claudia’s favorite cereal and a big teddy. You thank him and invite him inside.

He kisses you on the cheek and sits on the couch. “Claudia, there’s someone to see you” you yell to get your daughter downstairs. Claudia runs as fast as she can downstairs and freezes in shock. “Daddy!” She screams and runs to hug Stiles. He smiles and takes her to his arms. He gives her a little kiss on the forehead and takes her on his lap.

“I got you something” he says and gives Claudia those presents. “Thank you Daddy” says Claudia and hugs him tightly and then runs to her room to introduce her new teddy to other toys.

“So I am ready to talk. Tell me everything” says Stiles and looks at you. You nod and bite your lips. You take a deep breath fighting some tears that appeared in your eyes. “When I got pregnant I didn’t know what I should do. I felt hopeless and I was so scared because I already knew that I won’t tell you and I know it sounds extremely selfish and you have every right to be mad at me that I haven’t told you, but you did not see yourself. Stiles I love you and after everything that we have been through. Every damn supernatural creature and after the void you seemed so happy that you got to that FBI program and I knew I couldn’t tell you because you would stay and miss that opportunity. I’m so sorry that I made that decision. I know it was irresponsible and selfish and I know that I fucked everything up by telling everyone except you. I’m really sorry” you say with a shaking voice. After that it is silent. You feel your heart beating rapidly as you start bawling your eyes. Stiles gets up and takes you in his arms. He wipes away tears from your face and hugs you. “I’m not mad Y/N. I know that you have made that decision because you had some reasons. I was mad and shocked and frustrated when I found out because I always wanted a kid and you know how much I loved you. How much I still love you. Y/N you are my everything and you will always be. You and Claudia. I love both of you and I’m ready to take every responsibility for my actions and I’m ready to be a dad. I want to be a dad. A good one. And of course I wanna be with you. I never stopped loving you.” he whispers in your ear and leans to kiss you softly. You smile through that kiss and place your hands on his cheeks just to kiss him more passionately.

After you graduated you didn’t know what your life would look like in the next 10 years. You were extremely scared and hopeless. But after all, you got your happy ending with the most precious angel that you could have and the most amazing husband that you have ever dreamed of. You were happy that Stiles found out about Claudia because your life as the whole family just started. In that moment when you said “I do”. It changed everything. Claudia changed everything.

And that’s what happened after we graduated...

———————————/

Hey guys! Thank you for waiting and reading. Reblogs and replies are very appreciated ❤️

Tag list: @cookiecakeslive @alexa-rae-dreamz @loulouloueh @dandelionqueen @marvelsis @drugsandcandy069

[nastybuckybarnes]

Monsters  -  Ten

Pairing: Dark!Bucky X Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a man who just wants to do better. But he can’t stop the monster from coming out every now and then. As a last and hopeless attempt at calming The Winter Soldier, SHIELD finds him something they figured would help. An innocent young woman with not a lot going for her. Or, The Winter Soldiers newest victim.

Warnings: Language, Violence, Injuries, Murder

Word Count: 2.8K

A/n: Here we go. The last part! Enjoy this. What a fucking ride. I will 100% answer any questions and write little blurbs if you guys want!!

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!

SORRY IF SOME TAGS ARE FORGOTTEN!!!!

Series Masterlist

~*~

“(Y/n)? Honey? You in here?” Bucky hesitantly pushes open the front door, senses on high alert in case you make a hostile move.

“James?”

He walks slowly into the living room, smiling softly when he sees you.

“Hey,” he whispers. You eye him warily and he sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he begins gently, sitting down next to you, “I know what I did was wrong, and I know it looks like I chose her over you, but I’m here for you now. And I’m gonna be here for you as long as you’ll have me.”

You stare at him for a moment longer before grinning.

“You need me,” you state. He looks at you, waiting for you to continue. “That’s why you came back,” you elaborate, “because you need me. Because you know that Natasha won’t be able to handle you the way I can.”

He swallows hard, thinking back to the way Nat was appalled by the video.

“You’re right.”

You giggle, shaking your head at him. “I know. I know I’m right. I’m the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to you! You’d be lost without me and you’re now realizing it, aren’t you?” His guard is up in an instant, your outburst making him uneasy.

You get up off the couch to stand in front of him, hands on your hips.

“You hurt my feelings, James.” He nods, reaching for your hands slowly. You allow him to take them and watch as he presses gentle kisses to your knuckles.

“I know. And I’m sorry. And you’re right again. I do need you. More than I’ve ever needed anybody and that scares me.” You ponder this for a moment, thinking about all the pictures he received.

“How long were you with her?” He sighs heavily and closes his eyes tightly.

“A month. Maybe longer. At first, she was just something for the soldier when you weren’t there but... I’m not sure why I kept going back. I care about you, I really do.” You hum, pushing his hands away and straddling his waist.

You lean down, lips brushing over his just gently before you smile again.

“I fucked Steve last night. Several times.” A growl rumbles deep in his chest and you pull away for a moment, grinning wickedly as you see his eyes glaze over slightly. His hands grip your hips tightly and he takes a deep breath.

“Your best friend fucked me. For hours. Because you were too busy picking that stupid fucking bitch over me. That’s a lesson for you. I can get whoever I want, whenever I want. You need me, not the other way around. Remember that.” You push yourself off of his lap and walk to the staircase.

“In time you can have me again. But not now. If the soldier needs me, he can have me, but not you, James. Not yet.” He sits panting on the couch, eyes trained on your backside as you leave him confused and aroused.

You close the door to your bedroom and plop yourself down on your bed, ignoring the nagging voice in the back of your mind, the one that’s begging you to leave him. He hurt you, but he’s back. He must care about you or else he wouldn’t have come back, right?

As you’re pondering this, the window slides open with a soft thud. You turn to the sound, anger coursing through your veins as you see the redhead climbing into your room.

“What are you doing here?” You demand, uncurling your legs and climbing off the bed. She closes the window silently and holds her hands up in surrender.

“I just want to talk. Please.” You eye her warily but stay seated at the edge of the bed.

“He came home to me. He chose me. So if you’re gonna try and convince me that he wants you, think again,” you snark, hoping to hurt her feelings before physically hurting her again.

She shakes her head, sitting down slowly on the floor a few feet in front of you, giving you the upper hand if you wanted to get physical.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” You furrow your brows in absolute confusion at her statement. You were expecting a lot of things; yelling, screaming, insults, violence. But this is the absolute opposite of what you had prepared yourself for.

“You don’t even know me,” you scoff, shaking your head at her.

She raises her eyebrows at that. “I know about your parents. Your dad, the paranoid schizophrenic who abused you because he thought he was doing what God wanted. And your mom, the Narcissist who neglected you.”

Your hands start trembling as she brings up people who you’ve fought to forget. The people who made you the way you are.

“You don’t know anything about them. Or me. You’re just-” “Just what? Telling you the truth? Reminding you of the fact that you were raised by them, yet you turned out to be a beautiful, smart, independent young woman?” You look at her, uncertain of where she’s going with this but still angry at the fact that she knows about your past.

“You may have been raised by them, you may have had a difficult childhood, and you may be dealing with something that very few other people can understand, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re not a bad person. You’re hurting, and you’re scared, and I know deep down that you know this isn’t a healthy relationship. But it can stop. We can stop this.”

You look down at your hands, her words bouncing around in your brain. The rational part of you, the part that you spent years trying to bring to the surface, tells you to hear her out, to listen to what she has to say. The other part, the part that has been clawing at its cage for years, tells you to punch her in the throat for even speaking to you.

“I love him,” you say. The words sound forced, even to you. She shakes her head and crawls forward, taking your hands in hers and looking up at you with honest eyes.

“You’re lonely, and he fills that void.” You shake your head, sniffling then glaring at her and wrenching your hands out of her grasp.

“You’re just trying to get me to leave him so that you can have him all to yourself!” Natasha falls back a bit, shaking her head at you and trying to get you to understand.

“No, (Y/n). After what you showed me... I know I’m not strong enough to handle him... I could never endure what you have.” You glare at her, calming down slightly at her admission and at the fact that she realizes that you’re stronger than she is. Mentally, at least.

“So what do you want, then?” You ask.

“I want you to leave him. I want you to pack your things and leave. You deserve so much better than him. I’ll help you go off the grid, start a new life. You’ve done it once, you can do it again.”

You shake your head at her, taking a deep breath. “I can’t. It’s too hard. I don’t want to try anymore. At least now I don’t have to hide anything. I can just... exist.” She crawls forward and rests a hand on your knee.

“You deserve to do more than just exist. You deserve to live, to have a life. And not be afraid of the people around you.” You let out a shuddering breath and nod.

“Fine. What is it exactly that you’re offering? You say you want to help me. Why? Why do you want to help me so badly? And how do I know you’re not just doing this so you can have him?”

She scoffs, the very idea of having him making her feel uneasy. “After seeing the way he treated you, I don’t want him.”

“How do I know you’re not lying.”

“You don’t. But I wouldn’t be here, begging you to leave him and offering to help you escape if I was lying.” She takes your silence as an acceptance of her words and nods.

“I’ve got a safe house set up. No one knows about it. I can take you there tomorrow morning and-” She stops speaking abruptly, rising to her feet and hurrying to the window. She looks outside then curses.

Three black SUVs pull up in front of the house, Fury stepping out of the one in front while two tactile teams get out of the other ones.

“They know I’m here. They must have followed me.”

She turns back to you, her face unreadable.

“We need to leave, now. If they know I’m here then they know I’m talking to you, trying to convince you to leave. I don’t know what Fury has planned but I know it won’t end well for you. Especially not after you stabbing James.”

You rise to your feet quickly, turning to the door as you hear footsteps clomp up the stairs.

“Out the window, c’mon.” You follow her to the window and right as she’s opening it, the bedroom door bursts open.

“Agent Romanoff.” Natasha freezes, turning around and staring at Fury.

“Fury,” she says, voice lacking emotion.

“I think you know what needs to happen here,” he says. Steve and Bucky come up on either side of him, Steve with his arms crossed over his chest and Bucky with a blank look on his face.

“I’m not going to let you get away with this. We’re supposed to be better than HYDRA. Kidnapping an innocent woman and conditioning her to become a fucking sex slave? No! That’s not us!”

“Soldier.” Fury nods to the two of you and Bucky walks over, prying you away from Nat.

“No! Let her go!”

You’re roughly tossed to the ground in the middle of the room and the Soldier grabs Natasha’s flailing figure, stopping her from moving.

“Captain.” Steve grabs you by the arms and hoists you to your feet.

The situation feels like a setup and you glare at the four of them.

“This is your fault!” You snarl, glaring at Natasha. She shakes her head desperately.

“No, (Y/n)! I didn’t know they’d come, I swear!” You shake your head.

“You’re weak people. You’re weak fucking people! You act like you’re all high and mighty but you’re fucking cowards who can’t deal with the problems you’ve created!”

“Oh, we can deal with them. You’re a prime example of that.” You stop squirming to stare at him, eyes widening as he pulls a gun from his pocket.

“You’re a fucking coward! You’re a pathetic excuse of a man and you’re going to rot in hell for everything you’ve done! For the lives you’ve taken! You’re going to die a slow and painful death and you’ll suffer!”

You stomp on the captain’s foot and he jolts back a step, allowing you to slide out of his grasp and onto the floor.

The click of the gun has everyone freezing and you stare up at the man holding the gun to your head.

“Nick, don’t! You’ve got no reason to kill her! Let her go! We can start her up with a new life! A new home. No one will know! Just please, she’s done nothing wrong,” Nat pleads, wriggling in the Soldier’s hold. His eyes are hollow, nothing like the steely grey you’ve come to know.

“She stabbed one of my best men and kidnapped my best woman. Why shouldn’t I?”

Your heart pounds against your ribs, each beat shaking your skull. Your fingertips tremble and your palms are clammy as you stare at the one eye of the man who means to kill you.

“Because then we’re the monsters she thinks we are. She’s scared. She’s terrified of us. But we can show her we aren’t the bad guys. Please.”

Your chest heaves and you can feel tears prickling your eyes but you don’t let them fall. If this is your last moment, you won’t let it be one of weakness.

“We have a chance to prove that we’re the good guys. Don’t pass it up,” Natasha whispers.

Fury eyes you for a moment longer, then glances over to the redhead.

She’s pleading with her eyes. He doesn’t look away from her as he addresses you.

“Miss (Y/l/n), we thank you for all you’ve done for us and your sacrifice, but the position is being terminated. We are no longer in need of your services.”

Nat’s opening her mouth to protest but a gunshot rings out loud and clear, silencing her before she could say a word.

Your body collapses on the carpet, red spilling from the hole in your head.

Natasha’s scream of anguish makes Steve visibly flinch, and the fight returns to her body.

“You fucking monster!” She shrieks, tears blurring her vision as she struggles to escape the hold of the monster holding her.

“All of you! You’re all fucking monsters! She was good! She could’ve restarted her life! You’re all disgusting fucking people! How could you?!”

She sobs loudly, eyes on your lifeless body.

“Agent Romanoff, it seems you’ve lost your edge. I think it’s time we re-teach you some things from your past.”

Fury nods to the doorway and the Soldier carries the fighting redhead out of the bedroom, stepping over your lifeless body as if it means nothing.

Steve clenches his jaw, nodding at Fury despite the little voice in his head telling him ‘this is wrong’. That voice gets silenced quickly when Steve remembers what you did and what your purpose was.

The four people leave the house, the Soldier shoving Nat into the backseat of an SUV while Fury gets into the passenger’s seat, a little red book in his lap.

He’ll make this right. So right that no one will remember a thing.

[yanderecandystore]

i sometimes join rooms in languages i dont speak in among us and everyone thinks im an impostor since i dont and cant say shit. imagine a situation like that? the impostor is like "shi-- they gonna see its me, ah wait there's this person who's gonna be my scapegoat, im fine--OH WAIT ITS MY DARLING i dont want them to leave either" so the impostor has to "protect" their darling from being ejected while not being suspicious themselves - brazilian anon

Lol boo, me too! I can't type fast enough in english when I'm playing online games. I hope that we get Latin American Servers on Among Us because the ping keeps going off the roof!

Also, welcome in, Brazilian anon!! 💕🇧🇷

I love this request tho, let's do this!

TW/Tags: Some slight fluff because I'm soft // imposter x human, alien x human dynamic // crewmate being an ignorant asshole >:/ // pretty short if I'm being honest lol

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Wait- It's not me! [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Headcanon]:

Honestly, what the hell! It's not you, they should know this by now!

"- [Y/N] has been pretty quiet lately, I'm pretty sure they're the killer."

"- I-I'm not-"

"- Speak a little louder if you're not the killer then."

"- I'm trying, you ass!"

This emergency meeting has been ridiculous. Your heavy accent making things worse as they say "we can't understand you" but truth is that they are tired of not knowing who is the true Imposter.

And while you're panicking thinking you'll be thrown off of the spaceship, the real imposter is sweating just as much if not more than you. They can't let you be thrown off, it wasn't you!

Just the thought of losing you because of these imbeciles makes their blood boil.

"- [Y/N] was with me the whole time, I haven't seen them kill anyone!' They tried defending you.

"- Aight cool, but what if you two are Imposters, huh?" One of the crewmates asked. The one guy that has been an ass during this entire time.

"- Yo, but there is only one Imposter-" Someone tried reasoning with the guy, yet he interrupted them

"- And how can we be sure of that?" He said.

Good. Great. This was perfect. They were now yelling at each other! Everyone was already feed up with this bullshit, until someone said:

"- I accompanied [Y/N] to medbay, I saw them scan. They aren't the imposter."

"- Then why didn't you say earlier?? Are you brain dead?"

"- Oh shut up, you have been yelling at everyone and bossing everyone around ever since we came here!"

"- Well, at least I know how to speak english, have you guys ever considered that an alien would also struggle to-"

An loud beep noise interrupted everyone.

They were feed up with this. They were exhausted if not insanely pissed off by this asshole. The true Imposter has voted on the guy that was accusing you unfairly.

Everyone was shocked by the sudden reaction, even you didn't know what the hell just happened.

Oh, if only they could get out of their seat and kill that asshole with their own hands! How unfair, how ignorant, how despicable!

Their anger was almost animalistic and everyone was able to see it.

Yet, no one cared. No one cared that they have voted before the discussion ended.

Because everyone aggred with their decision. Vote the asshole out.

"- Y-You guys are committing a big mistake! Without me- You all are going Y-You die!" The guy tried to convince the crew to let him stay, yet, it didn't work.

"- We made our decision. You're too dangerous to stay aboard, as your votes are rigid by judgement of others instead of facts. [Y/N] may have a strong accent, but they have been an reliable crewmate ever since we entered the spaceship, while you on the other hand has only been rude and voting innocent people off, you haven't done a single task ever since you entered here."

The crew made their decision, and the crewmate was voted off his like that. But before he could feel the cold from the void, they realized something, but it was a little too late.

The Imposter was smiling at the event unfolding before their eyes, their smirk hasn't gone unnoticed by the voted crewmate.

' I didn't need to even say much. This was perfect.' Thought the Imposter.

"- W-Wait listen! I'm so-rry! Wait don't do this- I-I know who it is!"

"- You have lost your chance buddy."

"- Please hear me out, you're all gonna die! Listen to me you idiots-"

The crew kept on dragging the screaming dead man while he frantically tried to warn them of the real imposter.

You were probably wondering what the fuck just happened. It's good that the jerk has been voted off, but still, you can't help but feel a little sad.

Yes, they have accused you multiple times, and even voted on you multiple times, yet- Imagine being through into space?

It's a cruel punishment, yet the person that is going to receive it is also pretty cruel. You can't tell what you're supposed to be feeling right now.

But don't worry darling, all you're worries are going to be brushed away as long as you let your trust worthy friendly neighbor crewmate take care of you!

Physically soothing your worries with a hug, sounds really nice right?

"- I know that this was an stressful meeting, I believe in you [Y/N], I know you haven't done the killings."

"- Would like to hang out in my dorm room? Maybe having someone to talk to would help you feel better."

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[ickle-ronniekins]

- fic recommendations -

part three coming atcha, you goofballs!

i've been a really crummy person and haven’t been reading as much as i should because i've been super busy with school. people have been tagging me in their stories and i'm so sorry if i haven’t gotten to them yet/seen them because sometimes tumblr tags are wonky! but you are all putting in so much good work and giving us, the fans, things that we want... for free. you are literally providing us with your gifts for!! free!!! and i can’t thank you all enough! thank you for sharing your talent with us. y’all are insanely gifted people and i'm so blessed to be able to read your writing!

fics are under the cut, my friends. thank you all for doing what you do.

1. I Will Follow You Into the Dark - @firewhisky-kisses | fred x reader

↳ WELL THIS JUST BROKE MY DANG HEART! MORE THAN ONCE. EACH TIME I READ IT, ACTUALLY. honestly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing i’ve ever read; stephanie took such a heart wrenching concept and turned it into something that will pull at your heartstrings in the absolute greatest of ways. wholesome, stunning, soul crushing, and absolutely, beautifully, visually poignant. cannot say enough about this fic. please do yourself a favor and read this one!

2. Where Did You Sleep Last Night - @elf-punk | fred x reader (series)

↳ oh my god. okay. don’t even know what i can say about this series except that it is absolutely brilliant. lisa’s writing is so effortlessly done, and i adore how she brings out the more vulnerable side of fred. he’s not always that cheeky, happy-go-lucky bloke we all know and love. he’s human, and sometimes his emotions get the best of him, too. lisa is slowing breaking my heart with this series but i know she’ll mend it right back up. and honestly? the whole line “someone else manages to show him that love isn’t supposed to hurt” absolutely slays me. read this. read it now. and keep tabs because lisa keeps updating it! BRILLIANT.

3. The Solution Is Outsourcing - @writesowhatnext - fred x reader

↳ do i even need to say anything about this one? maddy’s absolutely brilliant and i’m actually obsessed with everything she writes. each and every time she posts a new fic i squeal with excitement because i know it’ll ruin me in the best of ways. ALSO, we love a good cheeky fred fic, don’t we? please binge read maddy’s entire masterlist, i promise it’ll be the best thing you do all day.

4. You Love Me! - @theweasleysredhair - george x reader

↳ chloe knows how to write george fics that soothe my soul. i literally do not know how she does it but she leaves me breathless and giddy literally every time. also, the idea of sharing a bed with george as “friends”? slay me. the idea of sharing a bed with george as “friends” only to not be friends afterwards? GIMME. i'm obsessed with this; their banter is adorable and flirtatious and it’s everything you could ever want with the sharing a bed trope. do yourself a favor, read this, scream, and then come have a chat with me about it so we can scream together.

5. How To Steal A Book (And A Heart) - @theweasleysredhair - fred x reader

↳ SORRY HERE TO FREAK OUT OVER CHLOE AGAIN BUT THIS WAS MY REQUEST FOR HER AND SHE SMASHED IT OUT OF THE PARK AND THEN SNAPPED THE DAMN BAT IN HALF. my god. i'm so painfully obsessed with this story, i find myself reading it ten times a week. dramatic? sure. true? hell yes.

6. First Kiss [Soulmate AU] - @obsessedwithrandomthings - george x reader

↳ this is one of THE most unique and adorable soulmate aus i've ever read; dee just absolutely crushes this one and i absolutely adore it! i love aus involving books and/or journals and this one was just so adorable. soulmate aus are incredible because you can literally do with them what you wish, and i've NEVER seen this prompt used before for a soulmate au, and i'm so, so happy that dee was able to produce something so BREATHTAKING. obsessed with this. so much.

7. The Art of Rekindling - @harrysweasleys | fred x reader

↳ omg I CRIED LIKE A BABY AT THIS. OH MY GOD. i'm literally obsessed with alexa and everything she writes, so, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone that this one broke MY HEART and then mended it just the same. not only is the storyline absolutely gorgeous, and the dialogue is filled with awkwardness and love, but i adore the way alexa ends this on a flashback that it actually prompted me to end one of my own stories on a flashback because I LOVED IT SO BLOODY MUCH. i never, ever thought to do that, and it was such a freaking gorgeous way to tie her entire story together and i'm just in fucking love with it and, yeah. brilliant. absolutely fricken brilliant.

8. Mix Up - @pit-and-the-pen | george x reader

↳ to wake up in the burrow on christmas in nothing but george’s sweater -- kaylah literally made my dreams come true with this fic and i spent an embarrassing amount of time imagining this to be real and rereading it to feed my feelings. CUTEST FIC IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. this just makes me want to sit by the fire and listen to holiday music in an oversized sweater that has a huge “G” on it. also, the idea of george fucking weasley saying that the sweater i look good in would look better on the floor is the biggest dream of them all, my friends. feed you own feelings, and READ THIS.

9. Nerves - @wand3ringr0s3 | george x reader [NSFW]

↳ all i could do when i read this was SCREAM INTO THE VOID. if you know me, you know i'm not much into smut -- i get super uncomfy every single time i try and write it (which is exactly why i don’t take any smut requests) and it even took me a very long time to come around to read it. BUT HOLY SHIT; haley makes it look easy, honestly. i've been screaming very loudly since she published this a few hours ago and honestly, if you haven’t been reading her smut, what have you even been doing? so gorgeous. so intense. so..... everything one could ever, ever want -- a hot and bothered george after a quidditch match. just g i m m e.

10. Vanilla and Charcoal - @starlightweasley | george x reader

↳ so hilariously enough, zahra messaged me the other day freaking out because she was reading one of my series and couldn’t find the links to the other parts (because i suck lmao) and we randomly started freaking out together, and then she FLOORED ME and wrote this piece and i just yelled for a solid half hour straight. an adorable first fic and I really hope there are more pieces to binge, because i absolutely love this. please show this new writer some love!

[butterfly--empress]

So About BnHA…

Man! I don’t participate much on here but it sure has been an interesting popcorn eating time, lurking through the good, the bad, and the annoying posts in the spoiler chapter tags. For this week’s chapter, especially!

Not gonna rant (I save those for close friends on discord) 

I do notice that lines within this crazy ass fandom have been drawn, tears have been shed and righteous fury has been felt. And no matter wtf Mister Horikoshi has in stored for chapter 320, it’s going to be a make or break chapter for a lot of folks. I did try my best to keep this post Bakugou neutral grounds. I don’t think I’ve bashed nor favored the character just fyi.

But the most inconspicuous opinions can be taken too serious these days…

The Silly:

For chapter 320 onwards, I am and have ALWAYS BEEN 100% Team: The Legend, The Myth, The Champ, Izuku ‘Feral!Rabbit-Cryptid!’ Midoriya! Win or Lose, I ride or die with Midoriya, hands down! ON GOD!

While everybody yelling into the tumblr void over whose gonna win or lose.

I’m sitting here thinking about two things: A) Has no one thought that maybe some of Class 1-A might side with Deku? *coughsUraraka/Iida/Todorokicoughs* *coughsmaybeevenMineta/Asui/Yaoyorozu???coughs* *coughs maybe even a surprise Shinsou/class1-b reveal even though class 1-b don’t know deku that well* B) Did everyone forget in all the excitement that uhh my boi has yet to unlock the 2nd OFA user’s quirk???

I mean, I’m not saying if it does come down to a bawl of drama and angst, that Izuku’s gonna win.

But I am saying, if it does come down to a bawl of drama and angst, that Izuku’s gonna win…I regret nothing with this bet! If my boi loses we just gonna take that L but…ya know…*shrugs*…Baby, beat their Bakugou’s collective asses.

The Serious:

Personally, I honest to god really love this shounen series with all my heart. It is the anime that reignited my love for shounen after my fatigued of constant disappointment with two old shounen favorites. 

Now, having said all that: I truly have not had a serious issue with the writing choices made by Horikoshi. Yes, I have my…gripes…(it’s complicated) but considering what I got compared to the stuff I’ve watched/read in the past, it’s definitely better to me. Having read/watched a lot of anime/manga and shounen, (I haven’t watched them ALL, srsly after my great disappointment and real life I sort of had an anime dry spell if you must know. Watched some stuff here and there when I could/in the mood but not as frequent as I’ve done like yrs ago), I’ve come to learn to just…begrudgingly accept/expect certain; I suppose you can say, writing choices or ‘tropes’ that I can just easily ignore them, roll my eyes when I see them, and still enjoy whatever I’m invested in at the time. 

The only real frustrations I have is with a certain character. Yes, I mean Bakugou. I have come to tolerate him, I have come to begrudgingly like him, especially after a second rewatch of the series, I could see and accept that in a very typical shounen way, Bakugou did change, though very little, and it’s subtle and undeniably frustrating how it’s happening but it’s there. However, I do question Horikoshi’s writing choices when it comes to him at times. I see the character development, I know it’s there but….*sighs*

Now I’m one of these people who do believe that the creator of this universe, actually knows wtf he’s doing with his own story (even if rabid/hormonal younger fans loudly disagree but YMMV). One thing I’ve noticed, for the most part, he doesn’t just write/draw things for the hell of it, even if a certain plot or a certain character’s development takes a snail’s pace to get to the point. The conclusion of building up to arcs do have a pay off. (And I 100% understand that for some people, moving at a snail’s pace just don’t cut it. Everything cannot please everybody all of the time and that is FINE!)

Katsuki Bakugou…I know the crumbs and very subtle ways he’s changed have to lead somewhere and to something huge. When Bakugou admits to All Might he bullied Midoriya when they were kids, I had an ‘ah ha!’ Moment. The fact that a very prideful guy like Bakugou was finally starting to admit just that much, (even though, we the audience knows it runs way deeper than he’s admitting here) even in his frustrating roundabout way I like to think this is progress, is very in-character and cannot just be for the hell of it. It has to be leading up to something else other than Bakugou jumping in to take that hit for Deku during the war arc. There is unresolved tension still between Bakugou and Midoriya that is not going to just go away because they will it to.

Which brings us to Chapters 318 and especially 319. It’s the perfect set up for all the dirty skeletons to come out of the closet that both Bakugou and Midoriya have been avoiding/trying to pretend doesn’t exists between them, because it’s been a long time coming. The honest to god truth? This is actually how I always thought this confrontation will go, with a showdown that forces Midoriya into a corner where all those repressed negative feelings he’s bottled up inside is bound to come out; Because I Honestly think Izuku would take what Bakugou’s done to him to his grave if he had it, his way. (Boy can be very frustratingly stubborn when he wants to be).

It’s just, after saying all this, I don’t hold my breath that Horikoshi will take it there…The opportunity is there, I want it to go there, it NEEDS to go there! In order for both characters to come out for the better. But will Mister Horikoshi ‘DO THE THING?’

Remains to be seen. A little bit of me is hopeful, another part of me is resigning myself to feeling dissatisfied with what little we got for Bakugou’s character development and by proxy, Izuku’s getting stuck in limbo. I’m not kidding, Bakugou being a very contentious character within this fandom doesn’t just come from nowhere. But this post isn’t about me ranting into the void about Bakugou. (I don’t even think I can muster up the rage I felt the first time watching MHA blindly to rant to high hell about the bullshit Bakugou’s done now.)

I suppose I will just have to internally scream for 1,000 yrs over half baked character development if Horikoshi doesn’t do the FUCKING THING in giving a satisfying pay off to Katsuki and Midoriya’s history. I’ll just frustratingly chalk it up to old freaking shounen logic and just continue to enjoy the series because I’ve been here for Izuku Midoriya since ep 1 and I am not about to let Bakugou or Horikoshi’s unwillingness to do something with him derail that. And there’s always hoping that someone is writing some really good Bakugou gets actual Consequences fanfic out there because ooh boy…I like Bakugou but mofo can catch these hands…and I’m not even a fighter, but Bakugou…this lil shit does make you want to choke the hell out of him at times. 

I haven’t been this emotionally frustrated over an anime character since…maybe fucking Louise from Zero no Tsukaima and it takes a LOT to make me actually dislike characters, good or bad. 

All in All: Regardless of how the story goes from here on out, we are all about to lose our collective shits. No matter how you feel about which characters…

It’s about to go down!

[ourstarscollided]

jatp fanworks appreciation - day 1 (writers)

motivation - so in true me fashion and my aversion to brevity, i've made three (3) posts (see also artists, gifs/edits) to celebrate the wonderful people in this fandom who have made my jatp tumblr experience what it is; a community of people who simply shout into the void about their love of a ghost band and their fearless female leader. i've enjoyed simply being on the sidelines admiring everyone's love for the show, but i thought this would be a good time to really show my appreciation for all these wonderful people, because if i've learned anything from this pandemic, it's that there is NEVER a wrong time to tell someone that they are simply ✨the best✨.

disclaimer: i don't interact with most of these people personally and i simply absorb their content from afar and scream about how wonderful they are in the tags.

This list kind of became a fic rec, so if you're looking for some wonderful fics to read (or reread), I've also included my favs from the author here as well.

Okay this is gonna get a little long so please bear with me. But I just wanted to preamble this by saying that the fanfiction written by the jatp fandom is what resparked my love for reading fiction after about 3-4 years of not reading for leisure (be an adult they said. it'll be fun they said.). So I'm really grateful for that? I don't interact with a lot of people, just because it makes me a little anxious, but I will constantly yell about your content in the tags as if I were on a set of bleachers with a megaphone.

I also know there are so many wonderful fic writers out there (on Tumblr and not on Tumblr) that make amazing pieces of work, and this is just a tiny peek into that, and is not at all conclusive.

Without further ado here are some writers who live rent free in my head, in alphabetical order, so feel free to just skip to your name to avoid my rambling:

@bluefirewrites -> your Merry Ex-Mas fic had me on the edge of my seat every single time you updated. I am so in love with how you wrote the characters into this and at how many words you churned out for this fic. This was filled with so much adventure, and it was really welcome during a time when the world wasn't allowed to travel. And I simply love all the other drabbles and fics you write, but I especially enjoy the hilarity of Ray Molina, Crime Scene Photographer and Matchmaker.

@captainkippen -> I'm pretty sure Love Drunk was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom. Your stories and your writing feel so goddamn real and I find myself so immersed in the worlds that you've created. I have reread most of your jatp fics and I still manage to find myself stupidly grinning at my phone each time. Your stories flow so easily and are such perfect characterizations of the characters we know from the show, but elevated to fit into your verse. I cannot say enough how wonderful your writing is and how talented you are!! (also a slight nudge that I am still very much following along with The Key and the Crown and I hope you continue it!)

@catty-words -> Your???? Exhaustive??? Music??? Lists???? The amount of work and dedication and microanalyzing that you put into pulling out every detail from each scene is so admirable. You not only manage to find the details, but you also give us EVIDENCE via your intricately selected gifs. You could've just put the video of the performance, but no, you take your time to find that specific 1 second shot to emphasize your point. And your little fics that you sometimes throw out into the world? They're so beautiful, and so fun to read and I enjoy them so much! (I am STILL screaming about this band's a snack) Thank you for validating my yelling in the tags, and for feeding my hyperfixation to this show. (I'm sad these lists are ending soon, but it's about the journey ya know?)

@lydias--stiles -> I don't even know what to say here because I've yelled so much about your fics that I feel like there's really nothing else to yell. Your Road Trip AU was also one of the first ones I read in this fandom, and really just made me go absolutely feral. Pretty sure I absorbed the rest of your fics in an ungodly amount of time and I just simply think you are incredibly skilled and talented. Every time you post a new fic I always wonder what it's like to be in your head because the ideas you come up with are so unique and so well thought out. Thank you for all the art you create for this show, I will constantly be in awe of you. (Special shoutout to the 5+1 fic that became a 31 chapter monster)

@pearlcaddy -> This list would not be complete if I didn't mention you. First of all, thank you for suggesting this wonderful week, it has been so lovely to see so much love being spread around today. Secondly, I never thought I'd find myself reading a Buffy or a Wizarding World crossover fic, considering I know nothing about those two things. And yet I found myself on various nights after work at 3 in the morning just silently screaming and/or crying into my phone. Your writing is so insane. Your world building is so insane. Your banter/dialogue is insane. The way you capture the love between Julie/Luke in different universes is so perfect. Thank you for gifting us these beautiful pieces of art, and I hope you know that you have at least made one person (me) a very happy reader. I also really admire your dedication to "this will only be a oneshot", only to write like 4 other POVs for it. (Special shoutout to 100 Bad Days)

@ruzek-halstead -> Literally every single fic you have written lives rent free in my head. The way you've managed to build this universe of different Julies and Lukes, and each one still captures the essence of them is astounding. You've extended their characters beyond what we know from the show and I am just in awe of everything you write. Please know that dead of night is both triggering to me and yet the most hilarious thing I have read. (Special shoutout to the Fake Dating Christmas AU and of course the Cinderella Story AU)

@serendipitee -> Your stories and your writing are absolutely magical. I think Write It Down was one of the first multi-chapter fics that I followed super closely and whenever you updated, I would literally drop what I was doing and read it instantly. You have such a way of building the plot and the characters for all of your fics and drabbles, and making the reader just want more. Please know that I am so obsessed with Oh, She Waltzed With the Dead and I cannot wait to see where you take the story!

@sunsetcurbed -> I have no words for your writing. I am simply in awe every time I read something from you. The way you've got down Alex and Willie's voice to a tee is so crazy good. You write their characters and their stories with such grace and care, especially with how you approach the topic of mental health. Thank you for all the research you do and for also writing in your own experiences. I literally binged the Princes Diaries AU during work and lost a good half day to it, and I regret nothing because that fic left me in SHAMBLES. I secretly adore the way you say you're going to keep a fic short, and end up writing an insane amount of words for it. (I have not yet left my obligated long-ass comment on Chapter 4 of the College AU yet because I am still processing the fate/destiny concept.)

@tangledstarlight -> Gahh. Rosie. Please. This is going to sound a little repetitive considering I just screamed at you last night, but now I guess I will just have to publicly confess my adoration for you!!! Thank you for being my first online friend in a very long time, and for putting up with me yelling at you about everything (and also nothing at the same time). I can't believe all it took was one message about your Royals AU for you to post it, but I will gladly take that credit any day. You are so so so incredibly talented with your writing, and your ability to transport me to another world while I read your fics is unparalleled. I adore the way you can come up with a new story to write every day, and then proceed to throw it into your pot of other WIPs. I am so so so so lucky to have gotten to know you and am incredibly grateful that I now have someone to cry about everything with 🧡 (If you read anything from Rosie, you need to read her Seasons/Long Distance Juke "friendship" fic and the Reggie x Photography oneshot that made me bawl my eyes out.)

@thedeathdeelers -> No thoughts. Just soulmates. Jk jk, you know I love your Reggie x Ray x Carlos fics, and I will scream in the tags about it until the day I get more of those fics from you. This is lowkey a threat, but wrapped in kindness. You are so wonderful to see on my dash (albeit scary at times because of the sheer amount of headcanons and theories running through your head), but you radiate such positive energy that it's impossible to not want to jump in and scream about soulmates with you.

Some special mentions to fics that also live rent free in my head:

@sunsetsandcurves wrote a Willex Cruise Ship AU inspired by a Simple Plan song and it’s something I never knew I needed until I read it. 

@phantom-curve wrote a Juke fic based off of Coney Island and I would just like to say, yes, it did shatter me. (Here’s the fluff sequel that makes up for it though)

@unsaidjulie wrote the Juke dog fic of my dreams and I simply cannot express how much I want the Molina’s to have a dog now. 

@pawprinterfanfic managed to get me incredibly invested in a Star Wars AU even though I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars. I just know that I would die for two (2) space boys. 

@sanssssastark  your Later universe made me realize that I do very much want there to be more mature content for this fandom (and you constantly deliver).

@theobligatedklutz wrote a Tangled Willex AU that makes me screech every time there’s an update. Just read it.

@alexthedrummerboy your talent knows no bounds when it comes to your Social Media AU. Also she’s written ORIGINAL songs for Alex and Willie?!?!?! 

@gennified has this really wonderful modern take on pride and prejudice for Willex and I’m so obsessed with how much miscommunication there is.

@bananaleaves okay, I just found your Tumblr today, and I know you don’t know me in any capacity, but allow me to scream about THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. If anyone in this fandom is to read ANYTHING, it’s this fic. This was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time and absolutely wrecked me. Please just read this.

This turned out WAY longer than it was supposed to, and I’m SO SORRY. (I also tried to make sure I got everyone’s pronouns right, so PLEASE let me know if they’re wrong!) A final sincere thank you to everyone in this fandom who writes. Your talent knows no bounds. Gonna stop talking now before this becomes an essay....

[tinyboxxtink]

“Return To Sender” *Part 6*

Damn y’all, this might be a short series because I’m running out of plot, I feel like it’s gonna wrap up in the next chapter! Don’t worry though, I’ve got ideas for many more series/stories.  Tag List

@dumauier

@objection-argumentative

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@word-scribbless

@wanniiieeee

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

FINALE

-----

After your little blow up, it was another few days before you saw Barba trailing in behind Olivia; he stopped by your desk. 

“Ah, detective. Here’s the money I owe you for that...little mishap we had the other day,” He gave you a smirk, sliding you a $50. 

That did it. If you hadn’t already been pissed about the “No Kiss On The Mouth” rule, now he was ACTUALLY paying you? 

“Gee thanks, counselor,” you gave him a fake smile, then immediately spun around to face your two desk mates, Sonny and Amanda. 

“Have you guys ever seen Pretty Woman?” You asked the both of them, as Olivia turned back around to join the discussion.

“God I hate that movie. It glorifies prostitution” She scoffed, stopping in front of your desk clump. “Do you know how many young girls turned to the streets because they thought they were going to find their own Richard Gere?” She sighed. 

And there it was. Your perfect moment. 

“And tell me Olivia, do they have a ‘no kiss on the mouth rule’?” The question made Barba spit out the coffee he had taken a swig of, causing the group to look at him strangely. 

“....Went down the wrong pipe,” He muttered, but shot you a glare.

“I don’t know, it really didn’t come up,” Olivia raised an eyebrow, noticing the hate glares between you two. 

“One did end up killing her john though when he wouldn’t ‘rescue’ her like Richard Gere,” Fin chimed in from across the room.

“Yeah well that just goes to show you: Don’t mix business with pleasure,” Olivia added. 

“Oh you know that reminds me,” You went into your bag and pulled out Barba’s shirt. 

“Your shirt back, counselor,” You handed it back to him without even so much as a flinch. 

Every single eye turned to Barba, he was seething. But you weren’t backing down, you just gave him an evil smirk and pushed the shirt towards him. 

“Shit Y/N, even me and Rollins are more discreet than that,” Carisi half laughed, to which Amanda promptly slapped him across the head. 

“I...I’m not dealing with this,” Olivia threw her hands up and walked back to her office, refusing to get involved in your drama.

“Walk me out, detective?” He asked you through gritted teeth. You shrugged nonchalantly, strutting out the door with him hot on your heels.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He let his voice out loud as soon as you got outside.

“Oh, I’m sorry counselor, did you--” 

“No. Don’t be cute. This is not cute. This is downright subordination,” He continued yelling, making you cackle.

“A-Are you serious right now?” You asked him. “I’m pretty sure Olivia would be interested to know how insubordinate you made me feel the other day,” 

“Wha-- because I told you to leave?! What did you want to do, cuddle?!” He was practically turning purple because he was so livid.

“Because I’m not a fucking hooker!!!” You screamed, ignoring the onlookers that passed you on the street.

“Who said you were?”

“Um, YOU,” you held up the $50 bill.

“It’s for your shirt, tonta!” He threw his hands up. “You’re actually pissed at me for replacing your shirt?”

“I didn’t ask you to pay for my shirt, I didn’t ask to be your Vivian-- your whore!” 

“Are you having a stroke, detective?”

“Shut up, you know exactly what I’m talking about,”

“I really don’t,”

“You’re really telling me you didn’t get your ‘no kiss on the mouth’ rule from that movie?” 

“Wha--that--No!!!” He denied it, but then looked off in the distance. “...Not intentionally,” He added, like maybe he had done it subconsciously. 

“Well, whatever, but YOU almost broke your own rule, and then you got pissed and tried to blame ME for it,” You crossed your arms. 

“I did NOT--” He finally got his emotions under control, coughing and straightening up his tie.

“I got caught up in the moment,” He said with a poker face.

“Yeah, well it’s fine-- because it’s over,” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, well clearly,” He scoffed.

“Awesome,” You shot back.

“Indeed-- are we done here then, detective?” His cold eyes stared back at you, his tone was completely monotone. He was voiding emotion just to piss you off, and it was working. 

“You know what, we really are, counselor,” You stomped back into the building, tears brimming your eyes. You wouldn’t let him see you cry, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. 

--------

You walked back inside but ran to the bathroom as you dialed Hunter’s number.

“What’s up buttercup?” 

“I did it,” 

“...Did what?” 

“I gave him back his shirt...in front of everyone,” 

“You did WHAT?”

“He gave me $50, Hunter!” 

“For the sex?”

“For my shirt-- but YES for the sex,” 

“....For your shirt,” 

“Oh come on, you know it was deeper than that,”

“...It doesn’t sound like it was, hon,”

“You TOLD me to talk to him about it!”

“Yeah, I said you needed to have a conversation about your feelings, not announce your booty calls to your entire work force!”

“Poor guy,”

“POOR GUY? Are you serious right now?!”

“Look, Y/N-- I get it. Him giving you money right when you were all sensitive about the Pretty Woman thing, you snapped. But-- I really don’t think he meant any harm. And, you kinda just blew up any kind of chance you had with him,” 

“FINE by me, I didn’t want--”

“Don’t lie to me,”

“...So what, am I supposed to apologize to him now?” 

“I mean I wouldn’t right now,” 

“Ugh...whatever I have to get back to work,” 

You hung up the phone before he could reply. 

Walking back into the squad room, you saw Amanda and Sonny whispering about something; they stopped when they saw you come in.

“So….you and Mr. Barba, huh?”

“NO,” You replied angrily, tears stinging your eyes again. “There is no ‘me and Mr. Barba’-- there’s not anything,” 

“Hey, listen Y/N” Sonny placed his hand over yours. “I’m really sorry, this is all my fault,”

“And how do you figure that?” 

“Well, I shouldn’t have been reading your texts, ya know? Then he never would’ve heard anything,”

“....It’s fine, Sonny,” you patted his hand. “I should have never-- it just should’ve never started,” you sighed. 

“And now it’s over, and we can all resume our regular lives!” You said over cheerfully, returning to your laptop. Sonny and Amanda gave each other a look-- they didn’t believe you in the slightest. 

You glanced over and saw that Barba had left his shirt, just sitting there. You grabbed it and looked at your desk mates. 

“I’ll um...I’ll be back,” You gestured with the shirt. They both gave you huge supporting smiles.

“You get ‘em, girl,” Sonny wiggled his finger like a sassy woman, causing Amanda to once again to hit him like he was her child; but she smiled and rubbed his hair; They really did love each other. You wanted that.

And you were going to get it.

[irrlicht-writes]

the path we choose to walk on pt.3

Part 3! still not the last part. But I’m getting close! Note to mention: there is death here. But it’s not permanent. Okay? It gets worse before it gets better. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @cass-said-i-love-you @professorerudite @insertdeeplyrics anyone else want on the tag list?

PART ONE | PART TWO

Ao3

PART 3: a soul as gentle as a star

Dean is sobbing. He can’t stop. Cas has been sick for a whole week already and still, Jack has not shown up. Dean had to shoo Miracle out of the room because he’s afraid that she’s going to get sick too.

Dean doesn’t know what to do. There’s a fever running through Castiel and no matter what Dean does, it won’t go down. The few times that Cas is awake, he’s puking up his guts over the toilet – all black goo and Dean’s heart breaks. Cas is crying before he passes out again and Dean can’t help. Cas is losing weight and it’s hard to even get him to drink water. Jack doesn’t come.

He pets Castiel’s hair and whispers sweet nothings into his ear. Cas never responds and Dean cries in his damp hair. What’s he supposed to do? He can barely eat food himself. The only thing keeping him from breaking down completely is Miracle because she’ll remind him of feeding her and walking her and honestly, Dean is glad for the temporary distraction she provides.

“Cas,” he says and Cas whimpers.

“Cas, baby, please come back to me.”

His fever goes up.

 A month later, it’s not better. Dean only functions whenever Miracle forces him to. It’s been a while since Cas woke up to puke. Dean tries not to dwell on it. He spends his days laying in bed next to Cas, staring at a wall in silence. The only sound is Cas’ shallow breathing and Dean doesn’t know what to do.

He hasn’t really gotten Cas back and now he’s about to lose him again.

Why has Jack not shown up?

Doesn’t he care about them anymore?

He’s always said that he considered Cas to be his father, but does he just stop caring like that?

“Jack,” Dean whispers into the void, “please.”

Nobody answers him.

Castiel’s chest rattles.

 A week later, Sam shows up. Dean has been trying to pretend that everything was going fine, just to avoid Sam coming here. Maybe he shouldn’t have given his brother a key.

“Dean,” Sam says sternly and Dean can barely lift his head. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s eaten something. He hopes he didn’t neglect Miracle too much.

“He’s sick, Sammy,” he rasps and Sam’s expression softens. He walks over to the bed and feels Cas’ temperature.

“Dean,” he says, “we have to bring him to a hospital.”

Dean shakes his head. “He’s an angel.”

“He needs help.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Dean’s afraid that they will understand that Cas isn’t human and take him away. They’ll take him away and Dean will never get to see him again and they’re going to conduct experiments on him and Cas won’t understand and he’ll be in pain and Dean wouldn’t be able to save him because he can’t overthrow the government and Cas will think that Dean gave him to these people and he’ll resent Dean and wish him the worst and wish he’d never pull Dean out of hell –

“Dean, breathe.”

Dean sobs loudly and starts to cry. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Please, let me take care of you. Of both of you.”

Dean sobs and doesn’t argue. He can’t. He can’t do it anymore. If he loses Cas again, then – then...

Who knows what he’ll do.

*

“Your friend doesn’t have long.”

Dean barely understands the doctor. Castiel is filled up with that black goo stuff – his lungs, his stomach, everything. Jack still doesn’t show. Cas is dying, again, and Jack doesn’t care. It’s almost like there’s no change at all.

If Jack doesn’t even want to save his father, what good is he?

They give Cas an infusion. Sam asks if Dean can get one too but he refuses. He’s fine. He doesn’t need any help. He just wants to sit here, next to Cas and be with him until the very end. Just like last time. Dean reaches for Cas’ hand and holds it loosely in his own.

“I’m here,” he whispers, “I’m here.”

It’s empty. These words mean nothing. Dean hangs his head.

In the end, it didn’t matter.

 Two days later, Castiel dies.

 *

 Dean has pamphlets. They gave him pamphlets but he hasn’t looked at them. He sits on his bed and stares out of the window. Sam has Miracle. Dean told him to take her. Castiel is in the morgue.

Why did this happen?

Why didn’t Jack come?

Dean prayed to him every waking second.

Why did Jack ignore him? Hands off or not – this is his father.

Dean doesn’t understand.

It makes no sense.

Maybe this is a dream. A terrible, terrible nightmare and Dean just has to find a way to wake up.

He remembers the nightmare djinns. It must be like that, right? Everything is just a dream and he just has to wake up.

Die.

He has to die to wake up.

And when he does, Cas’ll be there and he’ll be worried and hug him and Dean’ll hug him back and everything will be okay again.

Cas won’t be dead, then.

Dean gets up from the bed.

He walks over to the window and opens it. He bends forward and looks down. It would be quite the fall. But it’s going to be worth it. Down there, Cas will be waiting for him. If he imagines hard enough, then he can almost see Cas standing down there with open arms.

Dean smiles.

He’s safe.

His angel will catch him.

His angel will always catch him.

Dean closes his eyes.

His hands are shaking.

“Cas,” he whispers.

No matter what, at the end Cas will be there.

“Dean,” someone says and stops him.

He turns around.

“Jack.”

 *

 Dean steps away from the window and he can only stare. Jack is here. Why is Jack here now, when it’s pointless?

“I’m sorry,” Jack starts and Dean swallows down his anger. He wants to yell, he wants to scream and he wants to grab this kid and shake him. But he doesn’t. At least the kid looks guilty.

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” His voice is hoarse and Dean’s glad he didn’t yell. His voice would’ve given out.

“I heard you, I did, I swear. But Dean, I can’t fix the Empty. So I tried, I looked how to help Cas. I care about him, Dean, he’s my father. But I didn’t want to come here without a solution. If I would’ve come and would’ve said I can’t do anything, you would’ve lost hope immediately. I’m – I’m sorry that I’m late. But we can fix this, Dean. Look.”

Jack is holding something in his hands. He opens them somewhat so that Dean can take a peek. It’s glowing and Dean doesn’t know what it is.

“It’s a soul,” Jack says, “well, at least as much as I can make.”

Dean frowns.

“It will help Cas to battle the goo inside of him. The Empty has no dominion over souls, you know?”

Dean shakes his head. “Jack, he’s dead.”

Jack clenches his jaw. “And that’s why we save him.”

Dean looks at Jack’s hands. A soul. He doesn’t know what that means for Cas but if Jack is so sure it’ll save him... why shouldn’t they try?

It’s not like Cas could get anymore dead.

So he nods.

“Let’s go, then.”

 *

 It’s surprisingly easy to break into the morgue. Apparently they don’t really guard their dead and well – your kid being God probably helps too. Dean gets an uneasy feeling in this place. Cas is in one of these, dead. His hands start shaking again. But he has to pull through. For Cas.

For Cas.

With shaky legs, Dean walks over to the one that says “Castiel Winchester” on it and opens it. He takes a deep breath and pulls the gurney out. He closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to look. He doesn’t want to see Cas all pale; all dead. He doesn’t think he could take it.

“Dean,” Jack says and Dean’s eyes snap to him. He’s holding out his hands.

“It’s got to be you,” he says and on auto-pilot, Dean reaches out and takes this soul Jack is offering him. It feels warm in his hands. It feels a little bit like a baby bird.

“Cas,” he says and he feels as if the soul in his end flickers. “Come back to me.”

He holds his hands over Castiel’s chest, looking at Jack who nods. Dean nods back and presses the soul inside.

 First, nothing happens and Dean wants to panic. He looks at Jack who’s frowning.

No no no no no no no this isn’t good. It’s not working, it’s not working –

Castiel tears his eyes open and he’s gasping for air, heaving dryly. Dean chokes down a sob, but Castiel grabs his own chest as if he’s struggling to breathe and his blue eyes fly to Jack. The kid just shakes his head and takes Castiel’s hand in his own.

“Fight it, Cas. I know you can do this. You’re stronger than it. You’re the only angel in all of existence that ever walked out of the Empty of his own will. Out of his own might. The Empty has no power over you – it never had. Why do you think it hated you so much?

It was afraid of you, Cas, because it knew only you could ever walk away from a confrontation. You’re the angel that defied and defied and defied again. The Empty can’t hold you. It never could. You were awake, and you found your own way out. Do you even know how much power that takes? How much will? And you did it.

You did this, with no help, no assistance, and you survived. The Empty followed you outside and you overpowered it. It tried to drag you down, again and again, but you kept fighting and you kept winning. I can only ever hope to be as strong as you, Cas.

You are Free Will. You’ve always been. Without you – without you, Chuck would’ve determined the ending. But he didn’t. Because you made us believe that we can choose our own path. That we can choose who we want to be.

You’re stronger than the Empty, Cas. It cannot defeat you.

You loved me, you believed in me, you supported me when I didn’t deserve it. You explained the world to me; and you made me see that it’s worth loving. The way you’d talk about a roadside flower and what a miracle it is, I – I saw the little things. I saw the things that make the world what it is. It’s not about the big battles, the big wins or even the big losses – it’s about the things you never appreciate. The roadside flower, the leaves on the trees or the rustling of the wind.

And with – with everything you said, I realised – I realised that you thought... that you believed you were lesser than these things. That the dirt on the ground deserved better than you. You praised everything – Sam, Dean, me, the world – but never yourself. You are the guy I look up to most because – because you’re so kind, and caring and full of love. I heard – I heard the birds sing and thought they must be singing about you. I saw flowers bloom and I thought they must be doing this for you.

You are so good, and so kind and I – I will make a world that appreciates you. I will make a world in which you are loved, unconditionally.

I love you, Cas. I’m sorry it took me so long.

The Empty can’t take you away from me. I won’t let it. You crawled your way back here again and again, and I will make sure that you’re rewarded.

You taught me I can choose my own destiny. That I can choose my own path. And you told me that I will forever be loved, no matter what. And you did. No matter what I did, you loved me. You loved me unconditionally, and I never appreciated it. I took it for granted but then I realised – you were never loved like that. You were never – you were never told that you are loved. But I do.

I do, and Sam does, and Dean does and so many more. You, of all people, deserve the world. And I’ll give it to you.

I love you, Cas. I’ll say it now, and I’ll say it a hundred times. You are loved, Castiel, now and forever.

And whatever sins you believe you committed – sins that you believe that cannot be forgiven – I give you absolution.

You are forgiven, Castiel. You were always forgiven.

I love you. I love you so, so much.

I can be God, I am, but... I can’t do it without you. What if I stop looking at the small things? What if I end up like Chuck? I need you, Cas. I need you to remind me of a fallen leaf, of a newborn bird. I need you to remind me of the wonders of the world.

You were always fighting. And most times, the enemy was yourself and nobody of us helped you. You’re stronger than I could ever hope to be.

You’re my father, Cas. Sam and Dean are so, so important to me, but – I’d pick you, every time. Now and forever, I will always pick you.”

 Castiel squeezes Jack’s hand. “All I ever wanted,” he rasps, “is for you to be happy.”

 *

 “He’ll never fully recover,” Jack says after he got them all home. Dean holds Castiel tight to his chest. The angel is asleep but his breath isn’t rattling this time. He looks at Jack, unblinking.

“The soul,” Jack starts, “will help. But Dean, you have to understand that when Castiel made it out of the Empty, he took death with him. It’s not going to let him go. The – the sheer might it must’ve taken him to survive as long as he did, I...”

Jack stops and looks to the ground.

“I could never hope to be as strong as that. But now with the soul, his grace can draw strength from it. But it’s a weak soul. It’s... it’s just an imitation, but it’ll hold. He’ll get better; and in time, he’ll be walking around again.”

Jack turns and looks at them.

“He’s essentially human now, Dean. Not in the sense that he’ll die from old age, but in the terms that he needs to eat and sleep. He’ll probably get sick a lot, but he’ll be fine.”

“The black goo will never go away?”

Jack shakes his head.

“No. But with the soul, his grace is strong enough to keep it in check and keep all the internal organs working. I – I have to go now. But I’ll drop in whenever I can. Say hi to Sam for me and – tell Maria about me, too, okay? I’m excited to meet her someday soon.”

Jack smiles brightly and holds his hand up in a wave. “Bye, Dean,” he says and disappears.

Dean lets out a deep breath and gently places Castiel on the bed. Castiel is breathing quietly and really, Dean should call Sam and tell him but he’s just so tired.

When he crawls into bed next to Cas, he thinks about the people at the hospital. He forgot to ask Jack to remove their memories. It would work out, though, right? Cas is alive and he’s home and now he’s finally gonna get better.

Dean snuggles up next to Cas and vows to call Sam tomorrow. They’ll sort it out together. But right now, the only thing that matters is Castiel’s soft breathing and the knowledge that a soul shimmers inside him.

 *

 “I missed this,” Cas says when Dean opens his eyes. He’s been awake for a while at this point, but he had wanted to enjoy Castiel playing with his hair. It feels nice.

“You never played with my hair before,” Dean replies.

“No, but I missed watching you sleep. It’s very calming.”

Castiel’s voice sounds tired, but it doesn’t seem to pain him like it did before. Dean is glad. Now everything would work out. And even if Cas would be bedridden for the rest of Dean’s life, then that is okay too.

“You can watch me sleep forever then.”

Castiel laughs a bit but he ends in some light coughing.

“This goo,” Dean wonders, “will you really never be rid of it?”

Cas sighs. “No. I figure being in Heaven would help me. I might be able to get rid of it if I was able to tap into Heaven’s energy reserves, but I don’t want to go there now. The soul Jack made for me is going to suffice until it inevitability runs out.”

“It will run out?”

“Yes. All souls do, eventually, and this one even more so. I figure that after it’s done – it will just disappear. But by this point, decades should’ve passed and I’ll be able to go to Heaven.”

“You can’t go now?”

“Why would I?” Castiel replies while smiling against Dean’s hair. “Last I checked, you’re not in Heaven, and won’t be for a very long time. I’d rather be here with you, then waiting for you in Heaven.”

Damn, now Dean’s blushing.

 Sam’s a bit upset when Dean calls him. He’s wanted to see Jack too, and he’s also worried about the hospital staff. Nobody’s called Dean yet so Dean has hope that Jack made them forget.

“Cas is alive,” Dean says because he thinks that maybe Sam didn’t hear him properly the first time.

“I... yes. You said, I just... I can’t believe it. I didn’t even think... it’s amazing. How... how is he doing? Is he conscious? Can he talk at all?”

“Yeah. Jack said he’s probably gonna be sick for the rest of his life, but he’ll be able to move around again.”

Dean is in his kitchen; and Cas is asleep in the bed. It feels surreal. It feels like someone’s gonna pinch him in the arm and wake him up and then Cas is still gonna be dead and they’re still in the hunting life and then they go on a hunt just for one of them to die.

But that’s not gonna happen.

Their hunting days are finally over.

“Can we come over?”

Dean looks around. Them coming here might be better than hauling Cas into the car. Cas just came back so he might get tired more easily.

“Only if you bring the dog. I don’t think Cas has properly met her yet and that’s a crime.”

Over the line, Sam laughs. “Yes, we’ll bring the dog. We’ll be there in about half an hour. Prepare to hold a crying baby, Dean.”

“Oh, it just feels like yesterday when I was wiping your dirty ass.”

Sam hangs up and Dean grins.

There’s hope for a future in his heart and for the first time, he’s not afraid of it. Things will get better and they’ll start getting better now.

 Cas made it to the couch when Sam and Eileen arrive. As per Sam’s promise, Maria is crying her heart out and Dean feels sorry for Sam. Eileen, God bless her, probably doesn’t hear the crying too much. Dean guesses it’s Sam who gets up in the middle of the night, judging by his face. Dean grins and bends down to greet Miracle. Man, he’s missed her.

“Cas,” Sam says and Cas responds in kind. In the corner of his eye, Dean can see that Cas tries to get up from the couch but decides against it in the last moment.

Eileen walks right over and plops herself and her baby next to him. “Your niece,” she says and Cas smiles at the baby who stopped crying when she spotted Cas.

“Hello, Maria,” Cas says. Maria blinks in his direction and after some thought, reaches out for him.

Cas takes her easily and puts her in his lap.

“Have you been keeping for father up?”

Maria wiggles her arms.

“You know, for all I missed, I’m glad Jack decided to skip the toddler phase. I wonder what happened to all the diapers I bought. My doula classes were very unhelpful with my son but they might come in handy with you, hm?”

Maria smiles brightly and starts whipping in Cas’ lap.

“Hm. I guess I can be Big Blue if you want.” He boops her nose. “But then you have to be Little Cutie.”

Maria blinks at him, then laughs and claps her hands. She turns her head to her mom and brabbles to her and Eileen just smiles.  

“You speak Baby, Cas?” Sam asks and Cas turns his head.

“No. Babies don’t use words like we do; it’s more of a... sense. A feeling if you will. They can’t think in complete sentences yet. It’s along the lines of Sad because hungry. Upset because dirty. Happy because play. Happy because friend. Like that.”

Cas smiles and lifts Maria up and she giggles.

“Guess she found a friend in you, huh?”

“That she did.”

 *

 Dean isn’t surprised when Castiel and Miracle get along splendidly. As soon as the dog warms up to the angel, Dean is permanently degraded to giver of food and honestly, he’s not even mad at that. Miracle keeps Cas company when Dean has to go to work and they even go on walks together – never very far in the beginning because Cas still has to get his legs under him but the important bit is that Miracle makes Cas leave the bed or the couch.

There are days, sometimes more and sometimes less, where Castiel is sad. Dean knows that that word is probably an understatement, but he doesn’t want to call it depression – it’s too big of a word and Dean’s afraid of it.

There are days when Castiel’s body just refuses everything and anything. Cas doesn’t want to see or hear Dean on these days and Dean respects that. He wants to be there, but his presence is upsetting Cas way too much.

Cas isn’t used to being sick and somewhere deep down Dean thinks he remembers. Cas needs to be useful. And on these days, he’s not useful at all. But Dean doesn’t know how to tell Cas that it’s okay. He doesn’t know how to make Cas understand that he doesn’t have to be useful. No words that Dean could come up with seem good enough for him. So he stays silent and he knows it’s not the right thing to do.

Cas gets sick at least one time a month, sometimes more. He’s always sick for at least two days, battling fever and puking up goo. Dean’s terrified every single time.

“I’m fine,” Cas says every time and Dean wants to believe him.

I love you, he wants to tell him but he’s afraid.

He’s not sure what he’s afraid of.

Cas cries at night sometimes and Dean pretends not to hear.

Cas has nightmares sometimes and Dean sleeps on the couch.

He doesn’t understand himself.

“Dean,” Cas says one day just after his bad days ended.

“I know you don’t love me. It’s alright. I’ve accepted that. It doesn’t change what I feel, how I feel. You are – I’ve never met someone like you. There have been others that have fascinated me, but – but I’ve only ever watched them from a distance. I was never inclined to come closer, to get to know them, to have them know me. I was content just watching them from afar, learning about them and studying them from my high perch.

But you –

I wasn’t supposed to get involved. I was supposed to tell you your part in the Apocalypse and then I was – I guess I was supposed to die.  But you were, well, you and it made me rethink. I wondered if you were right, if people could actually choose their own destinies.

And Sam – Sam as the Boyking of Hell, the true vessel of Lucifer, I expected him to be evil, I expected him to be malicious, but he wasn’t. Sam was good and kind and brave and the small spot of darkness was a stain on him, but then he’s only human and it didn’t even matter.

And I saw that I was wrong and I thought – I thought maybe Dean is right. Maybe this is a story we can choose for ourselves.

Maybe this could be a story that doesn’t end with humanity wiped out. Maybe this is a story that ends differently as it was foretold. I wanted to believe. I wanted to have faith in what you said and – and so I did.

I know you never had faith in me, but I had faith in you and – I never really stopped. People getting to choose their own lives, their own destinies, their own ends – it just had never been in the cards. Everything had always served a bigger plan; always aiming to getting closer to the one true end when there was so much more.

I’ve had people believe in me; when in the same breath they defied God himself. You’re here, they’d say, he is not.

And they were right. I was there; and he was not. I always wondered if our path was the right one – after all, who’d stop us if we were wrong? We’d listen to no one but God himself, so who would’ve been able to halt us in our wake? But still, I followed my orders and whenever I saw fit, I’d tweak them, just a little.

I’d let a child go. I’d give an old man a few more minutes to say good-bye. I’d save the mother giving birth. I’d do these things and I got punished for them and I’d falter. What if I did something wrong? What if I altered the big plan? What if the ending would never come as it had been planned? And maybe –

Maybe it didn’t. Maybe the mother I saved changed something. Maybe the old man saying good-bye gave closure to someone. Maybe the child I let go grew up to influence someone they were never meant to meet. Who can tell?

I realised something so small can change the world. Maybe it won’t change the world as a whole but someone’s world will be different.

But the point is: I went against my orders and every time, I got punished for it. And then I met you, and you went against your orders and I couldn’t see you getting punished. And I thought, maybe you had the right path. Maybe wrong decisions get punished and right decisions do not. So I decided to follow you. I decided to follow the path you were carving.

And then you left the path, so I decided to keep walking on it because to me, it was the right path to take. And I was right. Every time I got punished, I knew I was doing the right thing. They were wrong; and I was right.

They wanted to reverse me, they wanted to change me by any means possible but I didn’t let them. Even when they succeeded, I didn’t let them take you away from me. You allowed me to change, Dean, you allowed me to be who I’m really meant to be. And for that –

For that, I’ll forever be grateful. I was right. There was a better way and they were proven wrong. I’m – maybe I’m still defective. Maybe I’ll always be wrong, and broken, and useless. But if that’s who I am, then – then so be it.

I am – I was always ashamed of myself. Why couldn’t I be like the others? Why couldn’t I follow orders like them? Why was I so different? And no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I – I was always the outsider. The one that didn’t belong, not really, and –

And when I was with you, that didn’t change. I was still the outsider, I was still different. Not in the same way, sure, but still, I didn’t belong. I’ll never do. I’ll never belong anywhere, because maybe there’s no place for me after all.

But – I wasn’t supposed to be here at all. I was supposed to be dead. I’ve died again and again and I came back, again and again because – because I wasn’t done yet. There’s still more. It made me think that maybe I have a purpose. That I have a reason for living, no matter how small it might be. And I always wanted –

I always wanted to make you feel safe. I always wanted to be the guy you could trust in. I wanted you to call me, I wanted you to need me. I needed you to want me, but maybe you never did and that’s okay.

I’m here now. And once I’m – once I’m better, I’ll be on my way. I’ll find something to do. I’ll find a place where I can be useful but until I’m strong enough for that – maybe it’s okay if I stay a little bit longer?”

There’s something here, Dean knows that. There’s something here he’s supposed to say, some clever line, some heartfelt comment, but – but he doesn’t know.

Dean hears I don’t want to go.

So he says: “I don’t want you to go.”

And maybe that was the right thing to say after all.

[fandom-sheep]

Eret 11 MAY 21

Cat and DSMP Part 1/1

Cat! Goose!

Goose my beloved.

Eret’s streaming very late for me again. So I’m not staying the whole time.

Hello Elaina. Enjoy Goose.

Fundy! Kinda...

Fundy hearing the donations. LOL.

Fundy enters a stream and it starts to scuffed. Scuffed just follows Fundy wherever he goes.

A wild my beloved on the cube.

The Drista stairs.

Wait what. Why is the tower gone?

I have missed some lore.

Ah... it’s part of the nightmare thing.

Eret offering Fundy housing like a good almost adoptive parent.

Sneeze? OH WOW SNEEZE.

Sounds like Fundy about lost a lung. Good gracious.

The bargaining between these two.

Cat, Handsome, said cube was massive

You know what that works.

It’s hard to keep the audio right for Eret’s stream for my headphones. It’s either too quiet or the loudest my headphones can go and my family can hear it.

On stream explosions. Noice.

Wow youtooz. Not super cool. Permission is usually a good thing.

Eret keeps on sizzling.

Getting dirt for scaffolding. Going old fashioned Minecraft for this.

“Why is the Cube kinda hot” cue Eret losing faith in her chats sanity.

Cube go poof.

Oh. Red stone. That’s dangerous.

I like this song. Oh klahoma. Gorgeous song.

Love joy is such a fun band. I want to make a plushy of the cat.

It’s kinda sad that Eret can’t see themselves the way chat and their little fandom sees them. Most all of us think they look fabulous.

Not Arson. Just bombing. A bit of anarchy by the king.

Demolition. Now there’s the word.

Controlled ish demolition.

Ah I’ve almost saved enough channel points for water. Nice. I’m not going to redeem it I’m just going to keep hoarding the points.

Flame Arrow. Nice.

Eret cleaning up the SMP eye sours.

Watch me attempt to sleep to Eret here in an hour or so, but keep getting distracted.

Explosion time.

Someone get ready to clip it.

Bye Bye Cube. Let’s go.

Gotta get a song that fits the vibe.

Hayloft. Time to go poof.

Turning up my brightness just to watch this explosion in the best way possible.

Still wearing the red dress I see.

I hope the music isn’t too loud to get this part muted.

Drum roll...

Drum roll continues...

Drum roll still going...

THERE GOES THE CUBE!

That was so smooth and good looking!

Overall a very good explosion.

Just a little bit of a hole in the other building.

Twitch Pr-

Poor being’s so confused with his hair. Someone help them.

Twitch bleep.

Everyone attempting to give hair styling advice. Everyone’s trying to help the being.

That bird is majestic. I remember seeing that tiktok.

Animals just decided Eret was the animal whisperer.

Yes! Disney Princess Eret fanart! Someone make it, I shall reblog all of it.

Likes to hug cute animals and cute animals like being hugged by her. Nice.

It’s alright. Names are difficult. I have to like put name tags on people to learn who they are. That or name tags on their space (like on campers bunks and door decs on dorms)

It does feel very February. But I’m very ready for summer because that means I get to do my favorite job.

Hooray. I hit 15k points.

Eret trying to prove to us a ponytail won’t work. Like we aren’t going to hype them up no matter what.

Gotta heart in the chat. All Eret’s chat does is hearts and encourage. It’s a lovely place.

Oh Eret forgot his cat ear sub goal. It’s alright I know I forgot.

Pride is next month. Nice.

Oh. We’re almost halfway already. Why does the world spin so quickly?

We forgot a dirt tower. Whoops.

I would wear Eret merch. I like it when people release merch around Christmas. Then I can ask for it as a gift.

Oh it wasn’t a dirt tower.

Just looking at Elaina’s stream in the stream selection screen it like very cozy.

All the way up the Drista stairs.

Look it’s the museum!

Eret’s got most of the builds around there. The museum. The fortress. Nice.

Some things are too historical to remove. Somethings are historical because they are being removed.

Oh no. L’sandburg.

It’s taking over the summer home.

Ah the lore is coming. It just seemed to be too early.

Hello unofficial ranboo Raiders.

Foolish making the awesome tall thingy!

Foolish’s builds are so neat. I want to watch Foolish’s streams more. Maybe just in the background but I start wanting to delayed liveblog and that requires attention.

Oh the giant portal turned out well. Sorry that was the lady’s foolish stream I watched.

Shulkers. The forbidden mob.

Eret with just a pit in the desert filled with llamas. Bones. And discus.

The mansion has been finished?

Alright is better than bad. It’s alright to be alright.

Lucky being not getting tired. I got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and I was so so tired. I also had just no appetite.

Eret doing an smp tour. And looking at foolish’s builds.

Flickering the switch on the rainbow beacons.

Eret just knowing where everything is.

Kinoko is super pretty. Just for the aesthetic value of the kingdom I appreciate it.

Yeet. Just defenestrated himself out the window.

Oh? Spectator fly over the smp?

That would be really neat to like. Watch in VR. I think I’ve only used VR maybe twice.

Pretty Rainbow beacons.

The nurse who gave me my vaccine hid the needle from me because I mentioned to her that I was afraid of needles. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

30 minutes till I attempt sleep. Woo.

Goose my beloved. Someone make the gif because I’m not quite sure how to make it.

Oh yeah. Goose in Marvel. I hear MCU and think Minecraft cinematic universe. Not marvel.

Ghibli is so nice. It really romanticize small moments of life.

Yeah the characters are all really supportive in Ghibli movies.

Someone subbed for nine months “that’s enough to make a child” -Eret

That mansion is like a maze. I’m so lost already.

Everyone encouraging Eret and telling her she looks pretty. Good.

Eret needs all the hype and encouragement.

Antarctic empties flag. Yeah it does have a similar color pallet.

Michelle! Hello!

Fortress work. Nice.

Do it. I’ll listen the Eret play other games.

I don’t usually watch game play for non Minecraft games. But I’ll listen to it all.

Hbomb and Eret living in the same city feels like two worlds that shouldn’t meet. But it’s awesome that they have.

TOS means against twitches terms of service. Nice. Glad to finally have an explanation of what that means.

Look at our handsome and pretty streamer. All the hype.

I keep turning down the stream to hear the show my mama has on because I’m curious about what happens.

Yeah. Backseat gaming can be annoying. That’s part of why I share my thoughts here just in case I do start backseat gaming.

Almost to the sub goal. Hooray!

Ooo food.

No no. I see where they are coming from. Eret does give a bit of cat bus vibes. I can’t explain it but the vibes are there.

Creeper causing issues at the fortress.

Ed Sheepran my beloved.

I should draw more ferrets. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I’ll draw us doing stuffs.

Actually I kinda want to make a little animatic of some heels walking across the screen followed by a hoard of ferrets. I think it’ll look cool. But I need the artistic ability and the ability to not scream making that.

Woop. Ad time. Off to the void of where ever the ads game me.

OH THE NEW VOID LOOKS COOL!

Bread. Flowers. Ted. Crown. And of course Eret.

We V O I D and get our streamer bits.

Hush the chat is V O I D and the occasional emoji or emote.

The void being centered looks good. Maybe that’s just the symmetry speaking but it’s good.

Oh. We hear the being. The being in void mode. And spooky mode.

Chat just starts yelling corpse.

Hydration. I try to stay hydrated. But I fail often if I’m not doing something active.

Tree!

Casually makes and snags tree.

Eret does read chat often. It’s strange. And it is weird how often it ends up being you.

You can tell I’m a tumblr peep. I may say stuff in chat but I’m fully not expecting or wanting to be noticed by the streamer.

Others hitting darkness o’clock and saying goodnight.

It’s sleep to the stream hours y’all. Whoop.

I need to visit the parks out west. I’ve only really seen the eastern US ones. But I have been to the Great Smokey Mountain park which is gorgeous.

Eret thinking of his friends triggers when naming his cat.

Eret’s builds are so casually pretty. Not like Foolish’s which are intricately pretty. Not like Phil’s or Sam’s which are complicated pretty. All pretty. Just different breeds of pretty.

Alrighty. It’s sleepy hours for me. As much as I love Eret I want to read some fanfiction and daydream a bit before I head to sleep.

Have a good rest everyone and may all your coming meals be delicious.

Wait no is it our turn with goose?

OUR TURN WITH GOOSE!

Eret honey that’s the ceiling.

Cat stream. Cat stream.

Sleepy kitty. A cat cam would be good.

Yeah. That happens with cats. Especially strays.

Goose captured the computer mouse.

Goose straight up chose Eret and Elaina.

Goose really just chose not to leave.

Oh my stream connection is acting sad. But I want Goose content.

I want to draw Goose now.

Maybe I’ll do water color for Goose. I know I tried to do that with Boots (Fundy’s cat)

Hopefully there will be some Goose face screenshots I can see. Maybe I can see him well in the Tiktok.

Artists just violently refusing payment. Sounds about right. The MCYT artists just kinda go “yeah give credit and we cool”

Cowboy cat. Nice.

I want to paint Goose in the cowboy hat.

Hype train! That we are zooming.

Bucket sponge?

WATER BUCKET FROM WET SPONGE! Tiktok people giving all the cool info.

Go Goose. Catch the computer mouse and the screen mouse.

Just sitting here at 11:30 at night getting screen shots of Goose for painting purposes.

Goose please. Look at the camera babe.

My phone is dying. And I can’t charge it and type.

Alright the camera is off the cat. The cat is also blocking the screen.

But no cat on camera means I’m getting some sleep. If I do any of the projects I’ve mentioned I’ll let y’all know.

Have a good rest everyone.

[leaf-greener]

I posted 1,733 times in 2021

15 posts created (1%)

1718 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 114.5 posts.

I added 1,887 tags in 2021

#miscellaneous reblogs - 1130 posts

#sonic - 251 posts

#star wars - 230 posts

#lmao - 108 posts

#boost!!! - 61 posts

#lmfao - 51 posts

#asdfghjkl - 16 posts

#yes - 16 posts

#damn - 13 posts

#zelda - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#he’s very autistic coded and also his main colour is white so idk about you but he kinda seems like the exact same character as silver /j

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Ok so I was rewatching TCW and I started out with the movie and honestly I’m only really a few minutes in and I am losing it over:

 -That clone who gave R2 a head pat.   -That clone who yelled charge and got immediatelyshot afterwards, that made me sad  -That clone who punched a droid, and then fucking died.   -The fact that DIRECTLY after that we see Cody WACK A DROID with his FULLY FUNCTIONAL BLASTER and then ROUNDHOUSE KICK ANOTHER ONE, AND THEN GO BACK TO SHOOTING MORE DROIDS

-Alright fuck it this is a live post now because I need to scream into the void and my friends don’t like Star Wars Fair warning, this is INSANELY long, and I’m doing this entirely for myself. I just don’t have anywhere else to put all my thoughts down freely and damn it I’m gonna put ALL of them down. 

-Ashoka, I love you but please god. get actual clothes. armor??? maybe??? Just, ANYTHING BUT A TUBE TOP. 

-Ok, so this movie looks pretty bad but I actually think the back grounds are really pretty. 

-Tbh early Ashoka is like, really cute?? (In a “aw look at the kid“ way, which is funny considering I’m her age-)  And if she’d wear some actual fucking clothes she’d have a really good design. 

-I can completely understand why people would find her annoying but lmfao Skyguy is fucking hilarious, if only because it pisses of Anakin. 

-All the Clones looking at her when she says it and Rex laughing helps add to everything. 

-Anakin: Captain Rex will show you a little respect can go a long way.   Rex: *Visible Oh Fuck Shit Don’t Give Me The Baby Jedi*

-Ashoka, I love you, but please Force stfu show Rex some respect.

-Ok but literal seconds later Rex actually seems happy to see she’s like, enthusiastic? (I think?)

-oH SHIT REX DROPPED A “DAMN” I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ASDFGHJKL (Rex there’s a child riGHT THERE)

-Fuck fuck shit this when Teth happens I’m not emotionally prepared

-Why are they in the middle?? Wouldn’t it be easier to go the side??? 

-Obi Wan saved a Clone :)

-Obi Wan ffs that’s a war crime-

-Why are the droids protecting the shield genorator literal fucking soda cans  

-So like, I know to a lot of people that moment between Anakin and Ashoka feels a little unearned, I just. can’t say I feel the same. Mostly because I can, relate a lot to Ashka feels there. You know, when you kinda fuck up but really, it wasn’t that bad, but you still feel like shit and you know other people think you fucked up too? But seeing Anakin being understanding is just, really comforting in a way. 

-Why the FUCK did they send ANAKIN to save JABBA THE HUTTS SON, do they not remember his childhood??????????????

-Actually I think they did a good job on Jabba’s model. When I look at him I don’t want to throw up. 

-God that opening shot of Teth from space is just, so fucking ominous and it fills me with dread. Especially knowing what’s gonna happen. 

-The Clones surrounding Ashoka have hair that’s going to kill me out of just being so BAD. 

-The Clones laughing when Ashoka says she saved Anakin is fucking funny

-ASHOKA IN A HOOD MY BELOVED

-DID THAT B1 DROID JUST FUCKING COMPLIMENT THE SPIDER DROID FOR MAKING A GOOD SHOT LIKE IT WAS A PET??????? THAT’S SO WHOLESOME?????? IT NODDED IN THANKS?????????

-RIDGE ILY

-Ok but actually though I fucking love B1′s. “Just fire right there!” is HILARIOUS. 

-”Oh my God” being said by a droid implies so much shit that I a not unpacking

-Ashoka, honey, you’re blocking the pilots view-

-This OST-

See the full post

2 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 23:46:12 GMT

#4

Do you ever have to make an entirely new email to make an entirely new Tumblr account because the app wasn’t working so you deleted it to download again but then realised you’d have to sign in and you can’t sign in without your homophobic dad seeing and he already knows you have a Tumblr but you’d rather not bring it u again and OOPS you aren’t following any of your favorite blogs anymore and are going to have re-follow them through memory becaue Tumblr won’t let me look at the people I was following on my old account 

2 notes • Posted 2021-06-27 00:53:32 GMT

#3

I just watched the new TBB episode and honest to fucking God I’m. Experiencing pain.

4 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 00:29:08 GMT

#2

Endless Possibilities holds so much power because I was feeling like fucking shit like, literally a minute ago and then Endless Possibilities came on and I feel actually ok right now?? Like what the fuck I’ve been on the verge of tears for like, an hour, and boom, stress gone. Thanks Sonic

10 notes • Posted 2021-10-20 23:14:35 GMT

#1

My mom just described a pregnant dog as a dog piñata

21 notes • Posted 2021-11-01 21:15:18 GMT

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