#really just seeing them watch all the star wars movies is so nice

[tranakin-skywalker]

new favorite genre of video is people watching RotS for the first time

[lovebugism]

hi bug! Can I request you a ditzy or shy!reader where some girl flirts with Steve in front of her maybe at Family Video? Little angsty because she feels insicure of herself? Thank you🩷

ty for requesting!! — steve doesn't realize he's being flirted with because he's so in love with you (ditzy!fem!r, hurt/comfort, 1.6k)

You color in a scribbled heart with enough vigor to break the pink crayon in your hand.

Steve always hangs your drawings in his locker in the Family Video break room, so you tend to take your art pretty seriously. ‘Cause there’s absolutely nothing humorous about the two stick figures holding hands — each of them vaguely resembling the both of you — that you’re passionately scribbling behind the front counter.

He’d watch you work your magic on a piece of lined scrap paper if he could. He’s too busy tending to a regular now. Mia, he thinks, or maybe Maia. She rents movies every week, but according to the system, she doesn’t watch a single one of them. 

“Well, what do you recommend?” she questions with a smirk on her painted lips, leaning her elbows on the counter until her chest juts out.

Steve leans slowly backward and tries not to cough at the overwhelming scent of her fruity perfume. “Uh… I don’t know,” he answers with an unenthusiastic shrug. “I usually just watch whatever.”

The girl squints her dolled-up eyes. “You don’t have a favorite movie?” 

Steve ponders the question for a moment. ‘Cause he doesn’t have one, really. All his favorite films are your favorites because he spends the majority of movie nights watching you instead.

So, at a loss of how to answer, he tells her your first choice. “The Star Wars movies are pretty alright.”

“Do you have them here?” she wonders.

Steve nods and points her in the other direction. “Yeah. In the Sci-Fi section.”

“Can you show me?” the girl questions with a hopeful glint in her pale eyes. Everything about her sparkles with mischief, like a predator hunting for prey. Stealthy, like a ninja, Steve would’ve called the approach a couple years ago. Long before he found you.

He’s more into forthright proclamations of love these days — bubblegum pink lipstick stains pressed to his cheek and handmade pictures drawn in crayon.

But, for the sake of Keith totally reaming him for not helping a customer, Steve nods and rounds the front counter. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. Follow me,” he urges halfheartedly, sparing you a forlorn glance as he goes. You’re much too distracted to see it, though.

You’re too distracted to notice most things, really.

That’s why Robin’s angrier than you are about the whole thing. She exhales a big huff and stands across from you, peering over the tower of tapes there. “God, he’s so oblivious,” she groans.

Your hand freezes as you color in Steve’s vest. You glance up at her with wide eyes, heart sinking at the annoyed look on her freckled features. “Huh?”

“Steve. That girl’s been drooling over him for five minutes, and he hasn’t even realized.”

Your brows pinch. “What girl?”

“The one that’s hanging all over him,” Robin answers, nodding her head to the other side of the store. The girl in question lingers at Steve’s side, a little too close to be casual. She hangs on every word he says — which certainly can’t be a whole lot, considering he knows next to nothing about that Star Wars franchise.

“I thought she was just being nice,” you shrug.

“She was flirting with your boyfriend,” Robin corrects in a monotone. “It was disgusting. I’m pretty sure her flirt got all over my pants.”

You look back at the two across the room. Steve tenses when the pretty redhead presses her chest against his arm. For the sake of not making things totally awkward, he forces himself not to shrink away. What had seemed virtually innocuous to you now makes your stomach ache. 

“She’s so pretty…” you observe quietly to yourself. 

Robin only scoffs. “Yeah. If you’re into girls like that.”

You don’t know exactly what she means, but it makes you lean slightly forward in interest anyway. “Do you think… Do you think Steve’s into girls like that?”

“No,” Robin answers, features twisted like it’s obvious. “He’s into girls like you.”

For the first time ever, you find that slightly hard to believe. Why would Steve ever pick you over someone like her? The way she smiles is pretty. The way she laughs is pretty. Even the way she talks is pretty.

And what do you have? A couple of stupid crayon portraits?

A strange feeling sears your chest when Steve and the pretty girl walk back to the counter. He must’ve told her a joke or something ‘cause she tips back her head to laugh loudly in response. Jealous tears sting your eyes accordingly. You take your art and your box of dull crayons and scurry off to the break room.

“I can help you check out!” Robin offers, suddenly very chipper. 

The redhead’s face twists. “Oh. I thought that—”

“Steve’s needed in the breakroom, actually,” Robin tells her when the stranger’s pleading eyes flit to the boy beside her. “I can handle it from here.”

“Wait— What’s in the breakroom?” he wonders obliviously.

“Your girlfriend, dingus.”

Steve blinks once. The sudden lack of your presence makes his chest ache. He stalks off to find you without another word.

The redhead, Mia or Maia or whatever, doesn’t bother to disguise the shock painting her dainty features. “Girlfriend?” she echoes, quiet with disbelief.

Robin nods and takes the tapes from her hands, knowing she’s only renting them ‘cause she thought Steve liked them. The scanner beeps as she rings them up. “Yeah. He’s kinda in love with her, turns out. It’s disgusting.”

The conversation fades the further Steve gets down the hall. He opens the door to the back room with a grating squeak. The rusted hinges screech again in protest when he swings it shut behind him. He finds you slouched over the table, vehemently scribbling with vibrantly colored crayons.

He can’t help but smile at the sight of you. “Whatcha doin’?” he lilts in place of a greeting, sliding back a chair to sit across from you.

“Nothin’…” you mutter distantly.

Steve folds his arms over the tabletop and rests his chin on top of them. It bobs with every word. “Why’d you leave me, huh?”

You shrug with a faint I don’t know type of sound.

“Can I see what you’re drawing, at least?” 

He grins and reaches for you without thinking — because you always let him see. Needless to say, when flinch suddenly away from him, it scares him far more than it should. You scramble to cover the paper with your arms like you’re doing something wrong. 

“No,” you answer in a mousy voice.

A chuckle spills from Steve’s mouth. “What? Why? You always show me.”

“It’s stupid…”

“It’s not stupid! I love when you draw stuff for me,” the boy insists with a lopsided smile, distantly surprised by your sheepishness. The pretty pink grin slips from his mouth at the crestfallen glint in your eye. He softens without thinking. “What’s wrong? What happened? Did— Did Robin say something?”

“No.” 

“Then what?”

You avert your eyes from his prying ones, feeling half-suffocated beneath his honeyed gaze. You start to color again with an absentminded hand, if only to have something else to look at. “You’re just…” you trail off, shifting uncomfortably in your chair. “You’re too pretty.”

He laughs before he means to. “What?”

“You’re pretty, and I don’t like that other people get to look at you,” you confess quietly, coloring in Steve’s hair with the ‘deep golden’ crayon. “It’s not fair— No one else should think you’re as beautiful as I do. I don’t like that.”

Steve props his chin on his palm and hides his grin behind his fingers. He reaches for your busy hand with his free one to get your attention. “Well, you know what?” he starts when your eyes flit up to his. “You’re the only one I want looking at me. So what everyone else thinks doesn’t really matter.”

“It is when they’re drooling all over you,” you answer with a scrunched nose.

Steve can’t help but scoff out a laugh. Those words have Robin Buckley written all over them. 

“Last I heard, Rob was giving that girl what for, so… you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he tells you, both to soothe the misplaced jealousy and to make you smile. He thinks it only half works. “Can I tell you a secret?”

You perk up at that. Steve grins and leans in close like he’s about to confess something serious. His dark eyes twinkle with mischief. 

“I’m so stupid in love with you that I forget other girls exist sometimes,” he murmurs in true secret-spilling fashion. “And when they’re… drooling all over me? I don’t even see it. ‘Cause all I’m thinking about is how I have my own girl back home. And that I’d much rather have her drooling on me.”

“…Am I the girl?” you press in a tiny voice, just to be sure.

“Yes, baby, I’m talking about you,” Steve chuckles. “You should know that— You’rethe one drooling on my pillow every morning.”

Your nose scrunches sheepishly. “You’ve said that word too many times… It doesn’t sound real anymore.”

“What’s that called again?”

“Semantic satiation,” you answer without missing a beat.

“Well, now I’m gonna tell you I love you ’til you’re semantically satiated,” the boy teases with a knowing squint in his eyes. “‘Cause I love you.”

“Steve.”

“I love you.”

“Stop,” you say, sterner now, though your gaze still glimmers with something soft. Your eyes follow his form when he rises from the table, shifting the short distance to sit in the chair closest to you. “Steve, stop—”

“I love you,” he repeats, anyway, taking you into his arms and smacking a dramatic kiss to your warm cheek. Between each innocuous peck, he mumbles, “I love you— I love you— I love you—”

Steve doesn’t stop kissing you until he hears you giggling again. The pretty sound brightens the dull breakroom. And all he can think about is what a lucky schmuck he is. To get to kiss you and make you laugh forever.

[oo-delallymrcrow]

Rehearsal

A/N: alright I caved. After only reading about this man for two days I wrote a story about him. This man has a choke hold on my life that I'd didn't think was possible but here we are....

Anyway, this is pre-war Cooper x reader. It is really fluffy but suggestive at the end. Forgive me I wrote it in five hours, haven't slept, and didn't really edit so if there's any mistakes that's why.

Plot: Cooper has feelings for reader. It really comes forward about how he feels and she feels for him when they rehearse a movie together.

Cooper Howard leaned against the railing of the porch of the house that was the backdrop to this scene, his gaze tracing the lights and people milling about. It was the perfect backdrop for the movie he'd been dreaming of – a tale of love, loss, and redemption. Ever since the divorce, it's been hard on Cooper with trying to take care of Janey and still go through with his career. That's why he was so glad to have you as his co-star.

A little more than a co-star more as a friend. Y/N has been with him through the whole divorce with Barbara. She was by his side as he sat and signed the papers. Crying with him as he did. Helping with getting Janey and watching her when he worked late. He always apologized and tried to pay her but she would never accept the money.

 “It really is no problem Cooper.” She would smile sweetly at him as she gave him some supper that she made that night. “I've told you time and time again; I love Janey like she was my own. Now eat before I hear another rumble from that stomach.”

He smiled at the memory. She was always taking care of them both. Even when Janey was staying with her mother, she still came over, offering dinner and some beer. Then staying the night just to talk. He would offer his bed for her when she started yawning and seeing that sleepy smile on her face. 

“I can't take your bed Coop. I'll just go home and sleep in my own”

“Now darlin’ what kind of gentleman would I be if I let you drive home at this hour? No ma'am, you take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch.”

She smiled, and he swore his heart skipped a bit as she did. 

“Alright but just because it would be rude after you offered so kindly.”

He smiled and led her to his room. He grabbed an undershirt and some pajama pants for her. 

Her brows scrunched in confusion as she smiled at him.

“Don't want you sleeping in your dress sweetheart. It might wrinkle,” he winked at her as she giggled and took the clothes from him. Her fingers brushing over his sent a red hue to her cheeks.

His heart skipped a beat again as she took the clothes and looked at him through her lashes. He cleared his throat after what felt like an hour as they stared at each other.

“Night sweetheart,” he whispered as he walked through the doorway, starting to close the door behind him.

“Night Coop,” she whispered back. 

He smiled at her before letting it shut.

There were a few nights when they would talk for hours and he would wake up on the couch with Y/N in his arms. He would smile and brush her hair back as he stared at her and wonder if he could do this every night.

‘I would like to.’ He would think when this happened. ‘It would be nice for him to have someone here all the time to keep him company. And Janey already has taken a shine to her.’

He would run his fingers through her hair as she sighed in her sleep and tucked her head under his chin, curling into him like she belonged there. He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her temple.

‘Yeah, I want to have her be with me.’

Now whenever she came over that's all he could think about. How perfect she looked cooking in his kitchen. Helping put Janey to bed, telling her a bedtime story and a sweet little goodnight. How he would think about whenever she stayed the night that they could just share the bed. How he should say fuck it and kiss her. But he was a gentleman and a recent divorcé and now her fucking co-star. Like that doesn't make his feelings for her grow more.

She got the female lead role and that meant she was a love interest. His love interest, to be specific. She was so excited about working with him and Cooper loved it too. That meant more of getting to see her. But that also meant scenes that would be romantic which made his heart want to explode out of his chest.

Speaking of which, this scene that they were doing was a romantic scene. Where his character, an old cowboy whose wife and son were murdered by an outlaw, confessed his love to Y/N's character, the daughter of the mayor who turned out to be the outlaw. It was a weird ride of emotions for Cooper after everything he's been through. But by god didn't you look pretty in your costume.

Speaking of you, Y/N stepped onto the set, her presence like a burst of sunshine amidst the filming chaos. With her effortless grace and magnetic aura, she embodied her character. Destined to capture Cooper's heart on screen. 

‘And on set.’ He thought as he flashed her a smile as she walked toward him with a wide grin.

"Hey, Coop," Y/N greeted, her voice carrying a hint of excitement. "Ready to bring this scene to life?"

Cooper turned to her, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Absolutely sweetheart. Let's make magic."

That blush returned on her cheeks and it made Cooper feel a little giddy at her reaction whenever he called her that. He has been flirting with her a little more since the night he woke to them cuddling on the couch. He felt like he was able to have a second chance and by god was he going to take it. If Y/N wanted him though, that was one thing he wasn't sure of, yet.

They took their positions, the script pages fluttering in the breeze. As the cameras rolled, Cooper and Aurora slipped effortlessly into their characters, their chemistry igniting the air like fireworks on a summer night.

“Well if it isn't Mr. McLintock. What has you snooping around here? Gonna get my momma arrested next?”

Cooper smiled at the stern look on Y/N's face. She was really good with this character and Cooper loved the little quips they had improvised with their dialogue.

“Now easy there darlin’,” he drawled, raising a hand as Y/N raised the prop rifle to him. “I'm not here for anyone else. Well, not your momma at least.”

Her eyebrow raised as she cooked the hammer back. “And what would you want with me, Mr. McLintock?” 

He placed a foot on a step resting his other hand on the railing. 

“Well, I was hoping I could call upon you.”

She let put a harsh laugh, “call upon me? After you let that sheriff take my father? That's funny Mr. McLintock but I don't want you to call upon me.”

He took another step up, face to face with her now. As he stared into her eyes, he saw how they had a twinkle to them. His hand reached out and moved the rifle away from him. Her lips parted and his eyes darted down as he wet his lips before speaking his next line.

“The sheriff found that he was shot in his thigh. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?”

She gasped up at him as he got closer. She turned her head away with a shake as she whispered. 

He gently grabbed her chin and faced her back to him. She looked up at him with wide eyes and gulped.

‘Jesus this girl was gonna be the death of him.’

He licked his lips again feeling his air leave his lungs as he whispered.

“What happened?”

Her mouth opened and then closed. She looked close to crying when she answered his question. With each line delivered, Cooper found himself lost in Aurora's eyes, her passion igniting a fire within him. Together, they danced through the dialogue, each word infused with emotion and depth.

“He-he was going to kill you John. I heard him talking to his old partner. He said he was going to get you before you got him and I-”

Y/N reached up and placed her hands on his cheeks. She took a step closer, leaving no room between them as she whispered up to him.

“I couldn't let him kill you John. I-I didn't want to lose you.”

Cooper felt his heart thudding against his chest. He felt like he was going to have a heart attack with how fast his heart was going. He knows this was just a part of the script but with how close they were. Cooper couldn't handle the intensity in her eyes. In that moment, time seemed to stand still. They were no longer the two charactersthey portrayed, but Cooper and Y/N – two souls intertwined in a story as old as time.

He wrapped his arm around her waist while his other hand was on her cheek. He leaned in closer as he said his last line.

“You'll never lose me sweetheart.”

As the scene reached its climax, their lips met in a tender embrace, sealing their characters' fate with a kiss that spoke volumes of love and longing. But even more than that, Cooper was confessing his love to Y/N through this kiss. Hoping that she would understand his passion and love for her through it. He heard a small moan come from her as he ran a hand down her side and her arms wrap around his neck. It made his hat tip up at an angle as they kissed but he didn't mind. Not when she ran her fingers through his hair.

The director called cut all too soon, and the spell was broken. Cooper and Y/N pulled away, their breaths mingling in the air. For a moment, they lingered in silence, the weight of their performance hanging between them like a veil.

"Wow," Y/N breathed, breaking the silence with a small smile. "That was... incredible."

Cooper nodded, his pulse still racing. "Yeah, it was."

They shared a moment of understanding, a silent acknowledgment of the magic they'd created together. In that studio, amidst the chaos of people and equipment, Cooper and Y/N had found something truly special – a connection that transcended the confines of the silver screen.

“Alright everyone that's a wrap for today. Cooper, Y/N, nice work today you both had a lot of chemistry and I want to see the same thing for tomorrow's shoot.”

Y/N nodded with a smile as Cooper gave a quick alright before the director walked away.

Cooper turned to Y/N to ask a question when she beat him to it.

“Are you bust tonight?”

Cooper shook his head, “not at all sweetheart. Why do you wanna do another dinner date?”

Y/N smiled and stepped closer to him and he placed his hands on her waist to hold her steady. 

“Something like that.”

She bashfully said as she looked up through her lashes again. This time though, Cooper could see the loving warmth and the burning of lust in them. It made Cooper's breath catch as he glanced at her lips and back to her eyes. He saw her eyes move down to his lips and then trail down his body. Biting at her bottom lip she sighed as she caught his gaze and ran her hands up his torso to grab the bandana around his neck. She tugged it slightly to bring his mouth close to hers. Just as their lips were about to meet, she smiled.

“Make sure to leave room for dessert,” she purred and turned away from him as she walked off the set. Cooper's breath left him in a rush as he realized he was holding it the whole time. His gaze caught hers as she looked back with a smile and a wink before sauntering out. His mouth turned up in a smirk as he hurried off the set as well.

‘Damn sweetheart.’

[voidartisan]

Anyway. Survived another semester. So. Star Wars characters as things my friends, professors, and classmates have said (plus a few things i've overheard on campus). two for the price of one bc in spring I forgor

Echo: Fives! GO!

Fives: NO! It's a free country!

Fives: *starts singing Republic anthem*

Echo: you can't sing the national anthem and BE A COWARD!!!

Ahsoka: Maybe they just really wanted there to be a gay weasel

Barriss: Hello. We were just talking about how my grandma's dog has a foot fetish

Sabine, in a class discussing ancient Egyptian art: Okay, don't hate me for this question, but, in the movie The Mummy---

Anakin: I didn't hit him that hard!

Obi-Wan: YOU BROKE HIS NOSE.

Omega: How’d you get those washboard abs, grandma?

Rex: I'd never say anything like that to you on purpose. You're like a daughter to me.

Echo: Thank you

Kanan: I watched two squirrels fighting in the middle of the street this morning. Kinda gave me Hector and Achilles

Din Djarin: WHO IS THIS BABY?

Rex: WHO DID YOU MARRY????

Luke: OH! I got t-boned to this song! :D

Kanan: Thou art the bomb dot com

Hound, dreamily: I want my ashes tested for narcotics

Thorn: They got a dried llama fetus. From Bolivia

Thire: Not the llama fetus

Jesse: Do you eat the cherry pits?

Kix: No? I'm pretty sure those have cyanide in them.

Jesse: *slowly removes cherry pit from mouth*

Obi-Wan: You'd think that with my very high reading level I would have figured that out sooner

Ahsoka: I mean, Yoda's made it that long

Barriss: Okay, but he's filled with happiness and good thoughts. I'm filled with bitterness and ibuprofen.

Ahsoka: This is why we have repentance and insurance

Cody, speaking to a spider in the shower: First of all, you're a pervert

Wooley, awake at 1 am: Next time, we should do drugs

Ezra: I thought I was about to have my Snow White moment, but instead, I almost got rabies

Leia: I'm trying to tell a story, and you're BOOGIEING

Hunter: I like where I am.

Phee: Surrounded by girls?

Hunter: No. Dirt.

Ventress: Give that man some cleavage

Riyo: When I say I've got that dog in me, it's Snoopy

Crosshair: If I was a bird, I would be homicidal

Luke: They made him straight. And SAD.

Wrecker: I don't need you to tell me what to do, number man!

Quinlan: Hear me out---

Luminara: You are NOT allowed to say that

Anakin: Arsonists are easy to catch. They leave a bunch of evidence.

Ahsoka: Like fire?

Anakin: Like fire.

Anakin, to Obi-Wan: You like blondes so blond that you can't tell if they have receding hairlines or not

Leia: I have no moral code when it comes to my father.

Hunter: I just love you, okay?

Crosshair: Okay.

Hunter: And I'm gonna slap you in the face the next time I see you.

Phee: They de-'tismed my boy

Fives, singing weakly, laying the wrong way on a mattress, with his legs up against the wall and head and arms hanging off the edge: 🎶H-O-T-T-O-G-O, you can take me hot to go~🎶

Anakin: *shows Ahsoka a clip of the Grinch*

Ahsoka: How did they get live footage of you?

Obi-Wan: What were you saying?

Quinlan: I forgot

Obi-Wan: I know; I was just asking out of courtesy

Luke: A FULL rye chip?! Alms for the poor!

Ventress: Hold on, he's gonna do the slutty cape wave again

Rig Nema: He died of a pulmonary embolism

Kix: Happens to the best of us

Ezra: Should I have known that talking in a spoon in my mouth would make it fall? PROBABLY. But what if this ONE TIME it was DIFFERENT

Hera, abruptly: I need to start listening to more ABBA

Tech: I'm too weird and I need to get weirder.

Obi-Wan: Dead husband. With cancer. At least it's in a nice font.

Satine: Hmm. No.

Obi-Wan: I'm sorry, would it be easier to break the news in Times New Roman?

Phee: I am a very patient woman in terms of patience

Fives: *hands Tup his toast in order to take a picture of Jesse lying next to the trashcan*

Fives: *takes picture*

Fives: *holds out hand* Toast me

Padme: He can make that Perry the Platypus noise- and I think that's hot, by the way-

Echo: I’m going to commit a crime if I have to move these gnomes again

Kanan: My gym skills are akin to a headless chicken attempting hopscotch

[mathitas]

Heyy!! Hope you're doing well, I have a request for a Leo x reader fluff where it shows that Leo's kind of a loser bc people tend to forget about that but I absolutely love that about him

No because I'm always saying that like, that guy's a loser and I love him for it. So sorry I didn't answer to some requests sooner, I checked it now.

Leo Valdez x Gn!Reader

You haven’t seen your boyfriend, Leo, in days. He’s locked himself in his cabin for days, only going out to grab something to eat.

Needless to say, you were worried sick. You knew your boyfriend and his habit of overworking himself, so of course you wanted to check on him. So when he didn’t show up for dinner, you decided to sneak some of his favorite food to make sure he would eat properly.

You were walking towards Leo’s cabin, holding a tray of hot food attentively. You switched all the weight of the tray on one hand as you knocked the door. You hoped one of his siblings was awake, since you knew Leo’s habit of being too absorbed in his work not to hear anything or anyone else.

Luckily, Nyssa opened the door for you.

“Oh, hi,” she says, “are you here to see Leo?”

You nod, showing her the food. 

“He didn’t show up for dinner so I thought I could do something nice for him. I haven’t seen him in some days.” She smiles softly, and it’s barely noticeable. She leaves the door open for you and lets you in as she keeps tinkering with something on her bed.

You close the door behind your back and go check on Leo’s bunk bed.

As expected, he was working.

So you go downstairs, where you knew Leo would be, but you’re surprised when the lights are off and only a slight blue light is visible. Other than that, a faint dialogue can be heard.

You peek slowly, and suddenly you hear the name “Anakin!” being yelled.

Wait– was he?!

You enter the room, and you’re not surprised at what you see.

You knew Leo was working on a new projector; you just didn’t think he’d skip dinner just to watch a Star Wars marathon with it. 

Well, you thought that was relatable.

You smiled at the sight of him; he didn’t notice you were there, as he was too absorbed in the movie.

You sneak up behind him and say:”Revenge of the Sith, huh? Haven’t you seen it at least 10 times already?”

He jumps on his seat and lets out a squeal.

“You scared me!”

“Thank you; I missed you too.” He’s about to say something else, but he just pouts.

“You didn’t eat dinner yet,” you smile, holding out the food for him.

“Oh, dang it! Really? I didn’t even notice…!” He panics, and you laugh.

Then he blushes as he mumbles a soft ‘thank you’.

“Wanna watch them with me? I kinda missed you, you know…” He looks at you, hopefully.

You want to be mad at him; you really do. But how can you say no to this?

So you cuddle up against him as the movie keeps playing.

Then you noticed something by his side.

“Are you watching Star Wars with a Baby Yoda Funko Pop?!”

He laughs too now.

You knew Leo was a true nerd at heart, and you were basically the only person he pulled, ever.

And you loved it, except when he would rather watch Star Wars with a Funko Pop than you.

At least he’s holding you close now, planting soft kisses on your forehead as he eats the food you brought him. 

And you had to admit, you loved moments like this.

[that-one-kiddo-in-the-back]

Fun fact: I was that anon that Lily responded to about Hunter having no one in that reaction you just posted.

I was 15 at the time, and I actually got into Lily’s content because of her Disney movie in minutes videos and LGBT in animation videos. I thought she was direct and funny. I loved the owl house but found her takes on the show post season 1 to be…off

She was hyper-fixated on race for some reason, and didn’t like Luz in season 3 (who she defended and made videos on btw) because…she was sad for a mistake she made? She delved into these issues before, but for this show it seemed like that was the thing she was most passionate about. Some positive takes, sure, but the negative ones seemed to fuel her the most. But it was her takes on Hunter that really had me confused. It’s like she was watching a completely different show than I was.

I sent that ask not as a hyper-fixated Hunter loving moron as she called me, but as a fan of the show that didn’t understand her hostility to a specific character that…didn’t really do anything to deserve it? A character she hated so much it made her turn against the show (allegedly)

Long post (sorry!) but I just wanted to comment about how hurt I was that Lily was just so rude and nasty in that response. She really put anyone who defended him into the same “racist boring, hates POCs” bubble and just never left it. I was a fan, and how she reacted soured my taste in her instantly. Unsubscribed, unfollowed, done. Now I’m hearing about former friends calling her toxic, and her bullying YouTubers reacting to her content. I feel embarrassed I ever supported a creator like that…

She was awful in the Steven Universe fandom, she was annoying in the Star Wars fandom, and she was awful in TOH fandom. Beware!!

Wow, that sounded terrible.

Don't be embarrassed for having followed her content and liking it. Most people in the critical community used to be fans of hers. I used to be a fan of her as well when I was like 14. I just see this as people growing up and thinking for themselves.

I think Lily lost a lot of followers over her take on hunter and even more so "hollowed mind." And it didn't help that she called people who relate to Hunter,"racist fascist that are a part of hitlers youth." It's one thing to just not vibe with a character, but it's another to act like he's the worst character to ever have screen time.

Despite the fact that she's been on the internet for years, she can't handle being online.

Unfortunately, Lily treats all of her fans like that. She'll yell at them for not sending money that right way, All of her exes were fans of her, and She'll answer asks with hostility. Lily is just all around, not a good or nice person.

I'm sorry you felt so hurt by Lily simply because you asked a question.

[jolalibrary]

the yearly round up

so, i am not someone who tends to toot their own horn a lot, but i thought i could be forgiven since it's my birthday. if there were a party, i'd maybe give a speech, right? so, instead of talking about myself, i thought id talk about my work and some of my fave things I've written this year and a little bit as to why. for this list, i have not included late night texts purely because i gave it a lot of love on my last secret birthday. and equally, as do me yourself comes to a close during this one, i feel it's having such a hot moment in the sun, i didn't want to bore everyone. also because if you ask me anything about dmy i won't shut the fuck up. to ask anything about these just add an 🍊.

anytime javier p x f!reader

best friends who go to a wedding only to realise they're in love? sounds like jo. this story fell out of me upon seeing a moodboard by /wildemaven and god i love them. i think about them so often and it makes me want to write him like this again. just fun, easy. it helped me find my nerve to tackle him again after a break when LNT finished, so it was nice to hang with him again.

in my room javier p x f!reader

this idea lived in my head for so long, it went through so many variations until we landed on this. i loved writing it because i hadn't written him like this, and how closed off they both were was so much fun. not having a resolved ending was tough to, but it was also really nice?

i like the way you frankie m x f!reader

would it even be a list if i don't include this? it's a work that on the surface might just feel like a lot of fun. and it is, for sure. but also this fic really taught me a lot and helped create a new relationship with sex. i won't bore or dwell on sad things, but even with therapy, a solid and healthy relationship, this fic helped heal some lasting wounds with my relationship with sex. all through the eyes of two friends who were just trying not to confess they loved one another. so very jo.

up sky, low high frankie m x f!reader

im not sure why this man makes me write some incredible smut (IMO, ofc) but he does??? this one wouldn't exist without @morallyinept urging me on, because honestly i wouldn't have had the guts without her convincing me. but, god i think about this fic a lot? i write a lot of lovely romance, but the romance in this with the smut? i never EVER thought id find that balance. and i did, have, yay!

be good, be you joel miller x f!reader

never in a million years did i think this would have been so popular. and that's not why it's on this list. it's on this list because i lived with this fic for weeks. every bit of rain the UK we had, i thought of this. anyone who knows me, knows how much i love bill + frank joel, so this was like giving into an idea that i thought would only live in my head. and now, it's there, and I'm not ashamed to say i re-read it a lot.

meet you once, saw you thrice lucien flores x f!reader

who'd have thought this would make this list? not me. but it has, and god. i really tested myself with this one. creating him was days of churning over interviews of other actors, of finding who he is in the centre of fucking nothing. and then pouring my heart into it for lovely @pedgito and god am i grateful that's the moodboard i was given. i was terrified (ali will attest) but now i am so proud of it. i love it, and him. I'm almost terrified now to see the movie and watch this version die and wilt hahaha.

din and the travelling of planets din djarin x f!reader

not a one shot, but a collection, because i spent longer trying to choose than i did dwelling on choosing the rest and writing this post. i never thought id step back into star wars, but i'm so glad i did. din and his girl, seeing different planets together, letting us see the world through her eyes. there's a lot of my writing I'm proud of, but I'm most proud of the lines in this. because i get to describe in a way where i don't feel its redundant. because we're seeing it at the same time as she is. i also have so much fun each time i get to write him, and that, makes me happy.

[n4giism]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ break you off by sonder ࿐ྂ

bllk x gn!reader

characters: kenyu yukimiya, tabito karasu, eita otoya, shouei barou, oliver aiku, michael kaiser, gin gagamaru

content: their nicknames part 2!

ari’s note: omd guys yall rly seemed to like part 1 of this nickname series so i thought i should write a part 2😜 here it is hope u like it !

part 1

kenyu yukimiya:

— yukki

people call him this often. it’s the name he introduces himself with.

“hello, my name is yukimiya. but you can just call me yukki.” because he’s friendly and chill like that.

you and all his friends call him this and he addresses himself as ‘yukki’ too. it’s such a cute name.

— ken

ken! that means you are his barbie <3 he likes joking around with this name and you do too!

well it is true, he would do anything for you like how ken does anything for barbie.

if you like to watch barbie movies/series he’ll gladly watch them with you too. i feel like yukki is also the type of guy who isn’t afraid to wear pink in public he’s ALL for it.

— ken-not see

i feel like karasu and otoya made fun of him with this😭

like just imagine this silly trio arguing and yukki brings up something like, “why don’t you stop putting so much gel in your hair, some of it seeped into your brain and now you’re all stupid!” to karasu and the room goes silent.

otoya giggles a bit and before y’know it karasu it biting back with, “yeah? at least i can see! ken-yu see?! how ‘bout that?!”

yukki is shocked and otoya is just laughing to himself watching this unfold and now, karasu has yukki’s contact changed to “ken-not see”.

tabito karasu:

— tabi

such a cute name for a manly guy. you call him this often and he seems to like it. sometimes he likes it so much that he won’t respond if you call him “tabito” or “karasu”

he’ll only respond if you call him ‘tabi’!!!

and only from you!! like if his friends call him ‘tabi’ he’ll ignore it because it’s special and only for you to use.

— tiramisu

the two of you were playing around with words and you somehow managed to connect the word ‘tiramisu’ to his full name.

the ‘t’ is taken from ‘tabito’, and ‘tiramisu’ rhymes with ‘karasu’ hence this ridiculous but funny nickname came to be.

— kraasu

like just imagine the typos you make when you text him and one day ‘kraasu’ popped up and you haven’t let it go ever since.

i guess it’s also an easier way to say ‘karasu’ it’s basically just shortened to ‘krasu’ y’know!

eita otoya:

— ei

he doesn’t really mind it, but it’s cute. just ‘ei’.

— toyota

he frowns a little when people call him this but he doesn’t stop them. it’s like a playful name for ‘otoya’.

sometimes people confuse his name as ‘toyota’ like the car too so!

— yoda

if you take his last name ‘otoya’ and just merely play around with it and mix up the letters to ‘yota’ it sounds just like ‘yoda’!

and it suits him (???) because of the green in his hair just like the actual yoda from star wars!

shouei barou:

— sho/shou

simple. short. easy.

barou likes it when you call him this, it’s cute and he replies to this name.

— baron bunny

kinda like amber from genshin💀 i’m so sorry if you don’t play but basically there’s a character who has these bombs that explode and she calls them baron bunny.

idk i just thought barou’s name is similar to baron when i first started bllk lolol

— barou, barou, kyun!

LMAO nagi and isagi will not let this ago during that blue lock selection games. when you started dating barou and met with his friends from bllk they were quick to tell you about how barou acted during their time in blue lock.

nagi having a fever dream about barou being a maid and isagi adding on to it with barou wearing a maid costume and chigiri would’ve done his makeup with bright red lipstick.

it’s funny to think about…

oliver aiku:

— oli

sometimes he doesn’t like it because of oli london😭 but it sounds so nice and the way it rolls off your tongue makes him melt so he forgets about that cursed koreaboo and just loves when you call him this.

— ai/aiku

he especially loves ‘ai’ because it translates to ‘love’!

so it’s kinda like you’re calling him ‘love’ when you call him ‘ai’ ugh he just loves it.

— captain

you joke around and call him this when he tells you to do something.

“y/n, could you get more of my protein snacks from the store later?” “yes, captain.”

“y/n, could you help to time my runs today?” “of course, captain.”

it doesn’t faze him, he’s so used to being called captain by his teammates that he doesn’t really care.

michael kaiser:

— micha

pronounced as ‘mika’. it’s cute, he smirks a little when you call him this.

— kai

i guess he likes this too! it’s simple and easy to pronounce.

— liebling/schatz

he loves when you call him any of these names. any german term of endearment, he just loves it.

he’ll also call you this too, and so you picked it up from him and begun calling him these lovely names too!!!

gin gagamaru:

— ginnie

he smiles sooo wide his eyes close when you called him this for the first time. he didn’t know how much he loved being called a nickname until it slipped out of your mouth!

“you’re calling me that? that’s so cute…” he mutters, all smiley and giggly.

i guess there are two pronounciations for this. it could be “ginnie” with a g, or like “jinnie”!!!

— gaga/lady gaga

he was confused at first like “who is lady gaga” until you explained to him and he likes it!

he thinks it’s silly and cute.

— gin

short and sweet. he likes his name already but he loves it even more when you call him this. it just melts his heart and he just loves you so much :,)

end.

[shakesthewizard]

Now I want to know some of your polycule dynamic ideas for the bad kids???

This is a dream come true, okay walk with me

Let's start out with a couple of what I would consider fundamental pairings. In most any configuration of the group you can think of, most if not all of these are gonna be necessary for me to really get invested.

Fabriz. Duh. Need I say more.

Fabadaine. It's my fucking roman empire and I WILL go on about it for another thousand words if you ask

Figadaine. Support women's wrongs! Going shopping! My girlfriend is a rockstar and we make out backstage! My girlfriend is the elven oracle and we make out twice because she has a vision of it happening first!

I've also got some pairings that are nice on their own, but that I don't find like, mandatory if you're gonna sell me on something.

GorgugxFig. She's so loudly angry to hide her fear; he's so quietly scared of his own anger. She made him join her band and he's probably the better musician. They're so nice to each other.

FigxKristen. Fall into temptation. Make out with the devil on your shoulder. She helps you kill your god. She becomes your devoted paladin. The ArchDevil of Rebellion pulls you into a cosmic war against the very divinity you were the Chosen One for.

Now as for larger groupings, things get pretty fun. There are so many to choose from. Like for example:

The Bad Boys. Like as a throuple. Think about it. You're the cool son of a famous pirate; you're already kicking ass at bloodrush; youre hot shit. A metalhead and a briefcase kid latch onto you like barnacles. This is so embarassing. Cut to a month later and you're all on a rooftop sharing a cigarette and looking at the stars. The briefcase kid kisses you, and metalhead is next in line. Briefcase kid is also your best friend, even without the insane new tension and the fact that he can dismantle your coolguy persona with seemingly no effort. He tastes like burnt coffee. Even ignoring how metalhead can crack skulls, but treats you with gentleness and even hesitation, like he's afraid you'll turn him down. As if. His bangs get in the way when he kisses you.

The Bad Girls as a throuple. This one feels almost too obvious for words. Three girls who are all trying so hard and failing to be normal, but from three different directions. Imagine one day seeing the uptight wizard girl with rich parents and girl who tried to convert you to fantasy mormonism on her first day both walk into school one day holding hands with that punk girl who's in a band and who has already turned like six other students gay just by being cool and pretty. Then at lunch, they're all sitting together, and the elf and the cleric both have the bard's lipstick on their lips and cheeks. The cleric looks at you. She winks. You go home confused.

Figaydadaine. Figayda I don't have to sell you on, but you can't tell me Ayda and Adaine aren't so fucking cute together it hurts. They make spells for each other! Adaine has the key to the Wizard's Synod! Adaine killed her dad with Ayda's spell. Come ON, this shit writes itself. Honestly Aydaine is so good by itself

There's also an extended world of qpr among the bad kids - Rizdaine would be a great example of this. I don't think of them as a Couple, but they are SO close and there's so much trust and intimacy there. That's a pair that cuddle while watching movies or doing mystery stuff.

qpr FigGug is another great possibility. Just take all the sweet support and kindness they already have and pry out the romance.

I think if you pitched me another pair/group I could find something interesting about it, but those are my off-the-dome thoughts. Thanks for asking!

[upon-a-starry-night]

While We Dream Pt.4

Kylo Ren x Fem! Reader

Star Wars Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: As Kylo sleeps he finds himself mysteriously transported to your modern world, while you sleep you find yourself following alongside Kylo as he goes about his duties as “supreme leader?” who even was this guy? And why does he keep talking about ‘The Force?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With your newfound energy, the day goes by pretty quickly. After making yourself some breakfast and feeding your cat you got to work on making a list of jobs you want to try. After college, you went straight into that boring corporate office job and have been with it ever since. Now you finally had the opportunity to explore other options and you were going to take it. 

You figured since you had the time you would try and spend a couple of weeks trying different hobbies to see how you liked them and when you were done you’d pick the profession you liked most and go with that one. After explaining all of this to Toast, he gave you a certified meow of approval and curled up on the couch to take a nap.

After that you did some very necessary grocery shopping, scouting out some new lunch and breakfast places you’d like to try along the way. As you’re mentally checking off the items on your list your mind begins to wander to your weird dream. It’s definitely not the most interesting dream you’ve had but your curiosity keeps bringing you back to it. 

You wanted to know why your mind conjured up such a place, whose bedroom it was supposed to be, and what was beyond the door with the keypad. 

The sound of the grocery store intercom pulls you back to the real world and you decide to let the subject go in favor of finishing up faster. It was a hot summer afternoon and you wanted nothing more than to get home to your cool air conditioning and a nice movie.

You suddenly felt very in the mood for a Sci-fi film.

~

After putting your groceries away you take to cleaning your house for the rest of the day. It wasn’t that it was messy, it was just that your 9-5 job usually left no energy for cleaning when you came home so things slowly began to fall out of place. 

Sweat trickled down your neck as you moved around the house, Toast at your heels and a Sci-fi flick on as background noise. You really should’ve bought some lemonade or something while you were at the store. 

Instead, you opt for a nice glass of cold water and plop down on the couch. The sun was only just beginning to set so you still had a good couple of hours of relaxation time before you had to get to bed. You wouldn’t let yourself slack off just because you no longer had a job schedule to run on. 

Part of you was nervous to go out and try so many new things but another part of you knew there was a high chance you’d have fun once you got over the anxiety. That and you had to find something to pay the bills.

~~

You don’t know when you fell asleep. One minute you were watching movies cuddled up on the couch with your cat and the next your eyes are blinking open to the sight of a familiar gray ceiling. You immediately sit up, recognizing this place from the night before.

Nothing seems out of place except for the fact that the chair at the kitchen table has moved slightly. There’s still no trace of any other people or any sounds of a lively outside society. 

Maybe you were in the woods? But then why would they build such a modern home so far out from the city?

You don’t waste a second this time, twisting out of the bed you pad over to the door with the keypad on the front wall. You’re not even going to attempt guessing that code.

Taking a chance, you slowly stick your arm out in front of you and watch in awe as it passes directly through the door. The sensation is weird, you don’t really feel it but the sight of it makes your brain confused.

Bracing yourself for the brightness you experienced last time, you squeeze your eyes shut and walk forward through the rest of the door. You’re met with a stark white room, shaped like nothing you’ve ever seen before. 

Wow, those Sci-fi movies did a number on your imagination.

To your right is a diamond-shaped window of stars that you want to investigate but something pulls you away from it. A feeling deep in your gut that tells you to go in the other direction.

To your left is some sort of hallway with another door at the end, but before that is a little divet in the room that hides a thick black pedestal, a weird deformed ash gray helmet lying right on top. Weird. You don't know what that’s all about but you’re far too curious to dwell on it for long.

You swiftly make your way down the short hall, passing the helmet and shutting your eyes as you phase through yet another door. You don’t know how many times you’ll have to do that but you’re definitely not going to get used to it anytime soon.

The area outside of this door is vastly different from the room you were just in. Long gray hallways stretch in all directions. They’re shaped more like hexagonal tunnels than normal hallways and are illuminated by various shaped lights along the walls and roof. 

There are three hallways in front of you and you're not sure which to take until your body is suddenly moving towards the one farthest to the right. You don’t know what you’re so drawn to. It’s like your subconscious knows something you don't.

Rounding a corner, you freeze at the sight of two figures dressed in all-white…armor? And carrying what looks like some sort of gun. You’re directly in the middle of the hallway and there’s no way they won’t see you. 

You’d gotten so used to the serenity of being all alone that you’d nearly assumed this place was devoid of any beings at all. But now you were about to be proved wrong with a shot to the chest.

You freeze in your tracks as the two get closer to you, racking your brain for any sort of excuse for why you were here, but then the two just pass right through you like you aren’t even there and you realize they can’t see you.

Right. This was all just a lucid dream after all. You couldn’t get hurt even if they could see you.

You head in the direction they came from, navigating the endless hallways on trust alone and 

occasionally passing a few more guys in white until you find yourself standing in front of another door. Whatever‘s in your chest wants you to go in there but for some reason your body is stuck.

There’s an intimidating feeling radiating off of this room and as you look around you notice that even the others seem to be avoiding it if possible. 

You take a deep breath, reminding yourself that this was all a dream and you couldn't get hurt before bracing yourself and stepping through the door.

Pt.5

A/n: What do we think is going to be behind that door? 👀~Starry

-----Taglist------

@cheeseburgercasserole

[thefreakandthehair]

@eddiemonth prompt, oct 19th: Scifi/tech | Electric Eye - Judas Priest | Bewildered a/n: eddie pov, eddie & dustin friendship, dustin & steve friendship, and an excuse for me to weasel one of my favorite steve headcanons into something. un-betaed because I'm challenging myself to write these in under an hour. read on ao3 + masterpost | tumblr masterlist

After his release from the hospital and the unfortunate news that his trailer had been destroyed, Eddie goes from functionally homeless to having multiple spaces that feel like home. 

He’s been all but adopted by Claudia at this point, an offer extended immediately after hearing the version of the story everyone’s agreed upon— that the ground split open and Eddie nearly ate it pushing Dustin out of the way. It’s not quite the truth, but the theme is the same and anyone who’s willing to sacrifice themself for her son is welcome any time. 

Especially when he’s been called upon to help with Dustin’s science fair project. It’s out of Eddie’s league a bit, the actual science part, but he and his mechanical brain prove helpful. Kinda nice, actually, to use those hotwiring skills for good. 

Of course, it also helps that the government set him and Wayne up in a modest two bedroom house down the road, and that Eddie can practically smell Claudia's cooking when the windows are open. Like Garfield, he’s drawn to the Henderson house with the scent of a fresh lasagna. 

Bellies full and completed project sitting confidently on the kitchen table for tomorrow, they’re watching Star Wars movies in Dustin’s living room, one after another, and he feels just a touch like a traitor. Star Trek will always have his heart and Wayne can never know. 

“How’d you get into Star Wars anyways?” Eddie asks, sprawled across Dustin’s couch. 

“Can you believe Steve actually got me into them?” Dustin replies, curled up on the recliner. 

There’s an infinite number of ways a child might be introduced to the Star Wars franchise— a parent, a trailer before another movie, a carrier pigeon dropping a flier at their fucking feet— and they’re all more believable than Steve Harrington introducing Dustin Henderson to the sci-fi epic. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie turns with wide eyes and a crooked grin to face Dustin. “What?”

“I know, right? It was uh, okay this is a little embarrassing.” Dustin cuts himself off, justifying some secret Eddie somehow hasn’t been told yet. 

He knows about the Mind Flayer and the Russians, and all the other Dungeons and Dragons lore that’d lived beneath his feet for years. What could possibly be left to make Dustin cringe like that? 

“Oh, do tell.” Eddie raises an eyebrow and gestures with an arm towards the expanse of space between them. “Floor is yours, young Bard. Spin the tale.”

Dustin rolls his eyes and throws popcorn at him. He tries to catch it in his mouth but he’s never been that coordinated. 

“It’s not really a tale. A few years ago, there was this school dance, the Snow Ball. I got all amped up, Steve helped with my hair, and then the night was a total fucking dud. Nancy danced with me which was like, super awesome of her, but I felt like shit after anyways.”

Eddie listens with rapt attention, pissed off that Dustin had such a relatable middle school experience and intrigued at this new sliver of Steve lore. Not that he cares. Obviously. Why would he? The idea of Steve helping Dustin get ready for the Snow Ball doesn’t conjure up words like adorable at all. 

He nods him on. 

“And uh, I called Steve the next day. He came over and we had pizza and he brought some of his favorite movies he thought I’d like. Star Wars had spaceships so obviously, easy choice. And here we are now with Return of the Jedi.” 

Okay, yep, that’s gonna be hard to tamp down the next time he sees Steve. Stomping his ill-advised crush into the ground beneath his Rebooks has been hard enough but now? Motherfucker. 

It’s also not lost on him that Dustin chose these movies today. Eddie feels like he’s stepping into some tradition that doesn’t belong to him, but he can’t squash the kid’s enthusiasm with his own insecurity. 

Instead, Eddie goes for the low hanging fruit.  

“Wow. Gotta tell you man, that’s maybe weirder than finding out about the monsters and shit. Steve’s favorite movie is Return of the Jedi?” 

Dustin snorts and laughs, toothless and free. Happiness isn’t new for Dustin, not anymore, but it’s still nice to see after all they’ve been through. 

“Well, that’s one of them. He always calls it ‘the ones with the teddy bears’, so people assume he means Return of the Jedi. But I know the truth. That dork loves Caravan of Courage.”

Eddie flips through his mental catalog of sci-fi movies and lands on a VHS cover: a couple of humans, a few Ewoks, and something that looks like a machine gun. If he remembers correctly, it has something of a cult following but wasn’t touted as a high point in the series. 

… And it’s Steve’s favorite. The one with the teddy bears. 

“Wait… what?!”

[awesomestarfighter]

I Should Have Known Better Then To Debate My Brother On Star Wars But I Did It Anyway

That's a lengthy way to start a post, I know, but I'm in a very riled up mood right now.

I remember the first time I argued with him about this. Our family did a rewatch of the Star Wars series (prequels than originals) at my request (and I usually never get emotional, so they were very concerned when I started crying my eyes out during Order 66 and asking if we should stop) and afterwards we talked.

Since I'm an avid Pro Jedi fan, there was a lot of arguing about 'The Jedi could have done this/should have done this!'. A bit with my family, but mostly with my brother since we're an argumentative pair and he's the only one who's watched extra materials such as TCW to further why the Jedi failed/should have done more.

We had to agree to disagree, so it ended there. Now here I am years later, having already talked to him about why glorifying this particularly abusive M/F is not peak romance or good writing, what defines bad writing, and general amatonormativity, and since I'm back in a SW swing, I thought about bringing it up to him, hoping he'd gotten a little more flexible since the last time we talked about it.

Clearly, I was too optimistic to think that.

Cue the usual tangent of (which I've already seen from. . . So many fans):

-The Jedi should have known Palpatine was a Sith.

-They should have treated Anakin better.

-They should have made him a Master.

-They shouldn't have given him that advice about death.

-Obi-Wan wasn't ready for a Padawan.

-They should have investigated Sifo-Dyas's murder.

-They should have investigated more.

-That's just the way the story is written and how the characters would react in real life, so of course Filoni is a good viewpoint on the Jedi.

. . . And just the general, 'they should have done more' statement that's been uttered countless times before.

I tried to point out the flaws in this way of thinking, I really did.

-It's established right in TPM that the Sith have been extinct for a very long time, and they verbally acknowledge that they don't know whether the one killed was the Master of the Apprentice, so it wasn't like they just up and forgot about the enemy that could still be out there. And it's literally stated in the very next movie that their ability to use the Force has been diminished, so it's not like they could have seen the Sith in plain sight in the force. Minor note, I know Force Signatures are mentioned a lot in fanon, but I don't remember anything like that ever being mentioned in canon (I know there's Legends but that's a separate continuity). With all that to keep in mind, why would they think he was a Sith? We have a different view of things because we're the audience, but they don't! Even though they didn't magically know he was the Sith Lord, that doesn't mean they're blind to his dealings or the corruption within the Senate, unless I completely hallucinated the part where the Jedi Masters were on their way to arrest Palpatine even before they learned he was a Sith Lord.

-Questioning a kid to see how he would respond to your ways of life is not being nice enough apparently (people can debate about his trauma and the authorial intent all day, but the basis is that the Jedi are not supposed to be framed as the bad guys). Apparently adopting him and treating him as a part of their family just isn't enough. Clearly, they should have coddled him even more, maybe then he wouldn't have murdered them down to the last child! (This is sarcasm because they never treated him differently or anything, even the Chosen One thing is barely brought up, and all his darkest moments are ones the Jedi were never made aware of). I know people will just say to put him in therapy because I've seen them say that many times before, but the truth is that he's already in therapy with the Jedi, he just doesn't absorb any of it because he doesn't want to.

-Yeah, because an adult throwing a temper tantrum when he's been appointed to a leading authority by a shady government leader who should not have any authority over their organization isn't sketchy as fuck, that response alone proves he WAS not ready, because he still didn't understand what the Jedi were about, much less mastery of himself. My brother at least admitted that was a good point when I outlined it, so score for me, I guess.

-People give Yoda grief all the time for his advice, but they always seem to forget that, firstly, Anakin is asking this during a war they've been fighting for three years, one they've lost many friends and family to, and secondly. . . Anakin was really fucking vague when he brought this forward. He doesn't even specify who he's talking about isn't a fellow Jedi, clone, or otherwise (And I can't help but draw a parallel to how he didn't tell Obi-Wan about his visions of Shmi and people will blame Obi-Wan when Anakin's the one who can't bother to properly fucking communicate) and he doesn't listen because it's not what he wants to hear. He doesn't just want to save Padme; he wants to cheat death because he's possessive and greedy and doesn't want his loved ones to ever leave him. Yoda's advice was actually very useful, but since when has Anakin ever listened to good advice? Once again, my brother admitted that was a good point, so the second score went to me.

-I know fandom loves to portray Obi-Wan as this self-hating mess that's barely keeping it together (who also does a lot of medic dodging for some reason?). . . But that's not who he is in canon? The real Obi-Wan is controlled and capable, and he was a young adult when he was Knighted, not a kid, who went on to become the youngest member of the Council when he became a Master. It wasn't like he was left to teach Anakin alone, because he had the Order, and they're canonically big on communal teaching. Even just in the movies, we frequently see that Obi-Wan's the one who reaches out to Anakin and Anakin's the one who shuts him out. Obi-Wan was a great teacher, Anakin was just a shit student.

-The Jedi learned about Sifo-Dyas's unauthorized role in the creation of the clone army literally right before the war broke out, so it wasn't like they were in a position where they could look more into it. Even before that, they were under the impression that he died during a failed peace negotiation. My brother still said this even though there was a literal WHOLE ASS ARC IN TCW WHERE THEY INVESTIGATED HIS DEATH. He watched that arc to, and he still says they should have investigated his death even when they literally did. I have no words for such a contradictory way of thinking.

-I know it's easy to say stuff like that, but Star Wars isn't written for adults who want all the messy bits, but for kids for a good vs evil story, so of course investigation stuff is shoved to the side. Even in TCW where we do see them investigating, they're hampered by the Senate, by Palpatine, by the war, and by the narrative. Even ignoring that, Anakin literally said in ROTS that Palpatine was the Sith THAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR, so that means they were investigating even though we didn't see it onscreen.

-Filoni. . . God just thinking about him makes me angry. I could write a whole essay on how he's twisted the narrative for Star Wars so badly, and I hate essays, but plenty of people have already done it better, so I won't.

-But still, I think it's hilarious that I can point out certain things he's written terribly (TCW, TOTJ, TTB, and Ahsoka) to show that he doesn't like the Jedi, and my brother is still saying, 'well that's just how the story is written and how the characters will react so he doesn't really hate the Jedi with that sort of evidence and blah blah blah.'

-Of course, for TCW, my brother brought up that stupid arc where AsHoKa iS pErSeCuTeD - I just think it's funny how, with trying to make his special oc look good and the Jedi Council unlikable, Filoni accidentally made her unintentional unsympathetic and made the dOgMaTiC lEaDeRsHiP unintentionally sympathetic. And of course, who could forget the infamous s7 moment of her not being fair to Obi-Wan? I know people will say she's a teenager and she's confused and she's still feeling betrayed - but the thing is, that doesn't hold up because the narrative never follows up on it. It's not a personal flaw of hers, it's solely there to frame Ahsoka (and Bo-Katan/the Mandalorians by proxy) as right and Obi-Wan (and the Jedi Council/Order by proxy) as wrong. I'm sure there are more examples that can be noted, but those are definitely two of the biggest offenses in my book.

-Tales of the Jedi wasn't even about the Jedi, it was about two specific individuals who LEFT the Jedi. One who went on to become invincible/immortal/a sanctimonious prick/even more of a mouthpiece then she already was, the other went on to become the undisputed head of an enemy who went full throttle on genocide, slavery, and war crimes. Mace's treatment and Yaddle's treatment was more poorly veiled racism and even more poorly veiled Jedi hate. And of course, the super special training from Anakin that allowed Ahsoka to survive Order 66 unlike those useless unprepared Jedi who were too soft on their kids - but really just made him look like an incredibly abusive parent. Frankly, while I do hate Anakin and can see him pushing too hard as in character, even I can see that it could have been written a lot better than it was. Tales of the Jedi was a fucking joke because it should have been titled 'Tales of The Super Special Creators Pet OC and the Asshole Who Falls And Spearheads A War', and if we ever get Jedi content that is actually positive for them without the usual criticisms coming up (Kenobi's the only one so far that's come the closest) I'll be throwing a fucking party.

-Of course, I have to point out TBB's whitewashing, consistently carried over from TCW except even whiter, though I forgot to mention how that show just completely fucking forgot the Jedi existed. Though frankly, I wouldn't want them to be mentioned in the utter waste of time that TBB is.

-Ahsoka was made into even more of a mouthpiece in her show then she already was. I didn't even watch Rebels in its entirety because I don't care for it, but even with some of the more frustrating decisions with her in that span of time she never said the Order wouldn't have fallen if they had just brought in more non-Force Sensitives to train them into being Force Sensitive (another part of canon that Filoni has fucking taken a hammer to) singing Anakin's praises after she's 'saved' by him (though even in Rebels it got pretty egregious how she just fucking abandons the Rebellion and the Jedi because she won't leave him again) just being a general fandom anti on how the Order was at fault for everything and Anakin was actually predestined to become a Sith (instead of defying his destiny by attacking Mace and siding with Palpatine as per Word of God) so everything he did was justified. All written and directed by Filoni, just as the other pieces where he's had narrative control will label the Jedi as arrogant, as forgetful, as unworthy, as not ENOUGH. And as soon as he can, he shoves them aside for characters who are 'to cool to be a Jedi, a cooler Jedi than those useless old Order jerks who spent too much time playing politics and being too stringent because they were cautious rule followers and not plucky rebels and weren't loving enough to poor widdle Anakin and -'

Though frankly my brother had some pretty ludicrous takes in general. There was this whole tangent we had about how since Rex removed his chip and voided death, that makes him gray/puts him in a gray zone. I just bluescreened at that, because while I've never cared for morally gray characters/storytelling, a character stepping out of their slated place in the narrative so obviously isn't gray it's not even funny, it's infuriating. While I know a part of me being a writer is what helps me look at stories more critically, it still makes me feel so confused how people will just take in bad writing or come up with bullshit takes like this. Whatever happened to thinking critically for the good of storytelling?

. . . I don't usually write my own posts (even though I'm usually better at wording things than actually voicing an argument as it started with my brother) because I prefer to just reblog stuff on my blog, I wrote this primarily as a vent post because my argument with my brother really got me stirred up, but I've been in a salty sw mood lately so it was kind of cathartic to get this out.

Also, if any Jedi anti or fan comes at me with 'but actually the Jedi should have -' no. Please just don't. I always try to tag stuff properly so people who won't agree will know what my blog themes are about, I'm never in the mood for the run of a mill gotcha takes that infest this fandom and I will not hesitate to block you if you come onto my post for that.

[mrsevans90]

Puppy Love

Captain Syverson x OFC Emma Miller Part 10

Summary: Austin Syverson has returned to Texas after retiring from the military and starts his own contracting business. Syverson is used to being alone and thinks he prefers it that way. While at work he stumbles upon an injured and abused puppy. When he meets the new veterinarian in town, Emma Miller, he is immediately smitten with her. It turns out Emma has some baggage of her own. Will they be able to make it work? Or is it just a case of fleeting puppy love?

Pairing: Henry Cavill as Captain Austin Syverson x OFC Emma Miller 

Warnings: smut (oral/m receiving), talks of period intercourse, detailed PTSD flashback, graphic death of character discussed, self-deprecating talk, language

MINORS DNI! Must be 18+

I do not authorize any copying/pasting, stealing of my work, or using my words as your own. 

This story is not beta’d. All mistakes are my own.

A/N: I am an imperfect person who makes mistakes. All that I ask is to please be kind and if you enjoy it then please comment and REPOST! I appreciate any love, comments, and reposts more than you could know. Thank you for reading! 

Author's Note: This is a heavy chapter--- Big time PTSD flashback so consider yourself warned! Also, I purposely chose to not use characters in the flashback from the movie Sand Castle. I just didn’t want to kill off anyone’s fave character, so we are going to pretend this flashback was another mission from another deployment right before Sy retired not related to the movie. It was just easier for my conscious to write it that way. 

Part 9

All night long I have nightmares about the war. I wake and try to reset myself like the therapist taught me with deep breathing, water, change of environment, etc.; but nothing is working. I maybe only get about 2 hours of sleep total and I’m exhausted. I still go on my run to try and exhaust myself even more so that maybe tonight I will pass out into a dreamless sleep. I try to fake enthusiasm for whatever Nana is rambling on about in her phone call to me on the way to work but I’m sure she can tell that I’m starting to spiral. Alex can tell that today is one of those days so he asks me if I’m good and when I grunt at him he keeps his distance. God, I’m an ass but I’m obviously not good and I just can’t talk to him about it. Nobody really understands except the boys that I was with when it happened and several of them are dead now. I’m supposed to be their leader and I feel like I should have my shit together. My nightmares continue to worsen throughout the week and I feel like I overcompensate by working harder or exerting myself in more difficult physical pursuits in hopes of tiring my body and my brain out. I forced myself to run four additional miles on Friday even though my leg quickly protested. I focused on pushing through the pain and ended up having to ice my leg after work.

Friday evening finally rolls around, and Emma shows up at the house as planned with a little overnight bag in tow and homemade banana pudding. I’m cooking us some chicken and veggies out back on the grill when she arrives and I feel like I calm a bit just being in her presence. She still looks absolutely adorable as she shows up wearing comfortable clothes-a tank top and soft shorts. I love that she’s feeling relaxed enough with me to just be her most authentic self. After we eat, I fill my belly up with her decadent dessert and I swear I see stars. She’s quite the chef; as if she needed any more of a direct line to my belly or my heart. Assuming she’s still on her period, I ask her if she’s feeling alright and she nods but doesn’t offer more. I suggest we get in bed and watch a movie and she gleefully agreed. We get all cozied up in bed and she chooses a rom-com to put on. Not my first choice, but I’ll do anything to make her smile like that. It’s nice having someone other than myself warm my bed. We fall asleep easily tangled in each other and I’m relieved that I have no nightmares. Maybe Emma is the cure to my nightmares? Or did I really succeed in tiring myself out enough that I slept too hard to dream. Either way, I’m not complaining.

Saturday morning. I wake up at my usual time and smile to myself at finally getting a decent night of sleep. I lay in bed watching my girl dream before I decide to get up and go for a run. If it’s the exercise that helped me sleep last night, I’m not going to miss the opportunity to do it again. I leave a little note on Emma’s nightstand and decide to only run two miles today so I don’t fuck up my leg more than I probably already have. When I get back home, Emma is still a mess of hair and sheets and I can tell that she never missed me. Her hair is halfway across her face, one of her breasts is almost spilling out of her twisted tank top, and the covers are tangled all in her legs which brings a smile to my face. For someone so effortlessly beautiful, she’s kind of a mess when she sleeps and I can’t help but find that to be one of the most endearing things ever. I attempt to take a quick shower and am surprised when ice cold hands wrap around my stomach as my eyes are closed under the spray of the water and I jump like a cat. 

“Damn woman! Your hands are ice cubes.” I say as she laughs uncontrollably.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to startle you.” She says as she hugs me from behind. 

“I woke up and heard the shower running so I figured you wouldn’t mind if I joined you.” 

“Always, join me Sugar. My favorite showers are the ones with you.” I tell her as I turn around to see her. She’s got her beautiful hair tied up in a bun on top of her head and I shift her so that the water runs down her body to warm her up. I spy her adjust the temperature higher and I can’t help myself.

“What is it with women taking showers equivalent to the heat of lava?” She smiles.

“We are colder than you are. Gotta warm up somehow.” She presses a sweet kiss to my lips before turning around and washing her body. I can’t help but stand there like a creep watching her but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to see her wet and soapy.

“I hope you don’t mind that I hijacked your shower.” She smiled sweetly.

“Darlin’, I was done anyway. Now I’m just here for the show.” I arch my eyebrow at her as she spies my obvious erection.

“Let me help you.” She seductively suggests.

“I can help us both.” I offer but she shakes her head.

“Still on my period.” She replies without making eye contact.

“So?”

“We can’t have sex when I’m on my period!” She looks completely shocked.

“Says who? You know, sex actually helps relieves cramps.”  

“But..I might get blood on your…”

“Dick? What’s your point?”

“Isn’t that gross?” 

“Sugar, I told ya, I’m a man. A little blood isn’t going to scare me off. Now if you’re not interested because you don’t feel well or you just don’t want too, I have no problem with that. But, if you’re not interested because you think I’m going to be grossed out or something, I promise I won’t be. You can have me anytime you want, Sweetness. There’s no pressure either way. If you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t mention it again.”

“Maybe give me some time to come around to the idea of it. I’ve never really considered it as an option.”

“Sure thing, babygirl.”

“You are something else, Bear. You mean it when you said I can have you anytime I want?”

“Mmhmm.” I say as her fingertips trail down my abdomen and she wraps her hand around my throbbing cock.

“Can I taste you?”

“Always, but don’t feel like you have too. I’ll be alright if not.”

“I want too.” She says before pushing me towards the shower bench and taking me in her mouth. In no time at all, I’m coming down her throat after receiving one of the best blowjobs of my life. She has my legs trembling from the stimulation and I can’t help but caress her cheek and kiss her gently when I come back to reality.

“my EmKay.” I whisper as I kiss her tenderly.

“Your EmKay?” She asks. 

“Mmhmm.” 

“Funny, I don’t remember being asked to be yours.” She haughtily replies.

“Ya’ ain’t going to make this easy on me, are ya?” Shit, what am I doing. I should have thought this through. She shouldn't want to be with me. The unreal blowjob has me not thinking clearly.

“Now why would I do that?” She retorts with a smile. I palm her cheek so that she’s looking right at me.

“Will you be my woman?” I ask seriously. Fuck it. Why not?

“Only if you’re my man.” 

“Well, I’ve been told that I’m a bear, but I’ll be your man too.” I joke before pressing my lips against Emma’s in a feverish kiss.

As the water gets cold, we finally climb out and get dressed for the day. I decide to take Emma out for breakfast at the diner in town before we go in search of furniture for her guest bedroom. Her parents are arriving next weekend and it was adorable when she shyly asked me if I’d be willing to meet them. I assured her that I’d be happy too and to just let me know when.

We spend a few hours at the furniture store where Emma purchases a matching bedroom set before going to a mattress store and trying out all of the mattresses to determine which would be a good purchase for her guest bedroom. They are able to deliver it same day which is nice so we pick a time for it to arrive that afternoon. We then head to a department store so she can pick out curtains, bed linens, and other odds and ends that I’m told a room requires like lamps and decorations. Being a single man for the majority of my adulthood that was mostly away in the military, I didn’t realize how much work women put into buying all of this shit. Why does she need the guest bath towels to match the hand towel in the bathroom? Or all of the little knick-knack items she bought to go on the dresser? I’m even more confused when she was discussing bed trains? No bed skirts. I’ve slept on friends couches without even a blanket but she’s really rolling out the red carpet for her parents. It’s a bit concerning if they are expecting all of this from their daughter who has lived here for under two months. Maybe they don’t expect it and she’s just trying to show them that she’s a capable adult who plans on settling here. I watch as she spends a small fortune trying to get everything in order for their visit. It’s obvious that she values their opinions. What if they don’t like me? I’m certainly different from the preppy type of guy that they’re used to seeing her with. I’m kind of rough around the edges and although I think I’m pretty smart, I certainly don’t hold advanced degrees. I’m broken from my thoughts when Emma asks my opinion about curtains. It’s sweet that she wants my opinion but I’m a fish out of water when it comes to decorating.

We load up all of the stuff and head back to Emma’s house where I get started hanging curtains as we wait on the furniture and mattress delivery. Emma orders us pizza and we munch on pizza and beer for a while. I’m regretting all of my additional workouts after I finally get the bed put together and the mattress put on it. Emma tried to help but she’s so little I didn’t want her to hurt herself so I ended up just man-handling it myself. She had washed the new bedding and put everything together before we took a look at it and she dove across the top of the bed. Emma patted the space beside her and I laid down next to her on top of the comforter. 

“I’m fucking exhausted and I didn’t even lift the heavy stuff.” She exhaled.

“I didn’t realize it was so much work to put together a bedroom. You sure know what you’re doing though.”

“Thank you. I just pick what I like. I couldn’t have done it all without you though, so thank you, baby. I can’t wait to have them visit and see that I’ve got my shit together here. That I’m not some dumb kid who needs rescuing. I’m able to handle myself.” Ahh, so I was right about that. It’s about proving herself to her parents.

“I think they’ll be impressed, Sugar. I know I am.” I smile at her before yawning.

She kisses my lips before scratching my beard gently. 

“Can we go back to yours, shower and then go to sleep? I’m dead on my feet.” She asks as she stands up and fluffs the new pillows. Why are there like 5 pillows that will just get thrown on the floor? Seems wasteful.

“You still want to come back to mine with me?”

She nods. “I want to be with you and the pups. Since they are at yours, it wouldn’t make sense to get them and come back here. I always sleep really good with you…Unless you’re too tired for a sleep over.” She says sheepishly and I wrap my arms around her.

“Nothing could be better than having my girl in my bed with me.” I tell her because I’m beginning to believe it’s the truth. “Let’s go.” 

We turn out all of the lights and lock up before heading back to mine. Emma’s car is still parked out front from where she left it and it makes me happy that she wants to be here with me. There’s a summer storm approaching and the wind has picked up which has Emma’s hair twirling in the breeze. I pull the patio cushions inside when I let the dogs out to do their business. After a quick shower because we are both too tired to do anything but clean ourselves, we do our nighttime routines before climbing into bed. Emma snuggles next to me with her head on my chest and I’m confident that it’s going to be a good night as we drift off to sleep.

It’s hot, but more than just hot. It’s sweltering. I can feel the sweat rolling down my chest and my back. It’s the type of unbearable heat that has your clothes sticking to your skin the instant you walk out of the mess hall. Then you add your gear, and the added weight from your gear plus your sweat soaked clothes is a certain feeling that I’ll never forget. I smell the smoke of an explosion further in the distance. We have our orders and it’s my job to lead our special forces team in to execute our orders exactly like planned. The problem with that is that most things never go as planned. It would be easy for this to be a cookie cutter mission where we get in and out and go back to base and fuck around for the rest of the afternoon. No, this will require me thinking on my feet at every turn. It’s what I’m trained for, hell, I’m the best which is why I’m the captain. I’ve got seven men with me whose lives rely on me assessing our situation and giving correct orders. They are sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends who have people waiting on them at home. Each order I give is weighted by the knowledge that I’m responsible for them. We’re crouched in different positions behind the old dilapidated building that the informant said our guy would be in. The sun is glaring across our faces but we’re in the best position we could be in for this mission. We’ve been after this specific hostile for months and never been this close to him before. We can hear men inside the building, yelling in Arabic and moving around so we must remain completely silent. If we can hear them, they could hear us. We are ghosts that can’t be seen or heard but must work as a team for this to go smoothly. If one person spots us, it will turn into a close-range gun fight that I can’t imagine we will all win. I inhale deeply and even though there is dust on every inch of myself and the ground, I try to focus my thoughts. 

As I am about to give orders to direct my guys to move on to the next step of our plan, I hear the tell-tale whistle of a bullet zipping through the air. I swivel to the left with my gun and look for the insurgent. I can’t see anyone but the bullet buries itself in the left shoulder of Waites across the way from me. We were fucking set up. I swing my gun back around and that’s when it happens, I hear the bullet and feel it explode into my lower left thigh at the same time blood spews from my friend, Goodwin’s head who had crouched beside me when I stood to look for the shooter. My leg gives out and I instantly drop down into the dirt to where I’m level with Goodwin’s face and it’s obvious, he was killed instantly. His eyes are still opened and he has a massive wound to the head. Anthony. Fuck. His girlfriend is expecting a baby girl in a few months. My leg is burning from the inside out but my adrenaline spike helps me ignore the pain and I grab my gun and instantly start shooting towards the rooftop where I believe the sniper might be. I hear Brown screaming before I realize he’s got Waites against the building and is yelling into the radio for help. I watch as insurgents start coming out of the building we were casing and I start taking them out. Lowell goes down. Setas is either hurt or attempting to provide aid to Lowell. I can’t tell but I never stop shooting. Ramirez is also trying to find the source of the ambush with his own gun. Bullets are flying, many from my own gun as I empty the clip into the only building the sniper could have been on, Browns pleas for backup, along with Waites heavy gurgling breaths fill my ears. I feel a hand on my arm and flinch.

            “Austin! Captain…Captain Syverson. Look at me.” Two hands on either side of my face help me focus in. “St..Stand down. You are safe, the threat has been eliminated. Your superiors have given orders to return to base for further instruction. Do you understand?” 

I blink against the water that’s dripping down my face. Emma?

“My men. The injured men in my unit. Where?”

“They are at base getting medical. Captain, I need you to confirm that you understand me.”

I blink and then nod slowly. “Roger that.” I mutter distractedly. I look around. I’m in the backyard of my house, leaning against the brick exterior in my underwear. I have my pistol tucked in the back of the waistband of my boxers and I’m wearing the boots I leave by the back door. In my hands I’m clutching my old hunting rifle that I keep on the top shelf of my closet. Shit. I’ve done it again. I’ve had a PTSD nightmare, but this is so much worse because Emma is here to witness it. I look over at her. She’s crouching on her knees in front of me wearing nothing but my water-soaked t-shirt and panties while she’s barefoot in the mud. Water is dripping from the ends of her hair from the rain that’s pouring down on us. She looks terrified and concerned. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” My throat aches either from unshed tears or maybe I was yelling earlier.

“Austin, baby, are you back?”

I nod. “Emma, I’m so sorry.” I mutter as tears mix with the rain that drips down my face. This is what I was afraid would happen if I got close to her. If I let her in. I would relax and then my past would quite literally present itself.

“Baby, don’t be. You’re okay, we’re okay.” She tells me as she reaches towards my face that’s now aimed at the ground.

“Aika?” 

“I left her inside. I know you said she could help but I wasn’t able to tell if your rifle was loaded and I didn’t want her startling you and there being an accident.” 

Jesus. She was afraid I’d shoot my own dog, because she’s right, I was nowhere near my right mind. Here we are over six months since my last flashback yet this was the most involved PTSD episode I’ve ever had. Thank fuck I keep my ammunition locked and separate from my guns for situations like this. 

She stands and reaches to help me up but I can’t let her help me stand. My leg feels as though it has been shot just yesterday but that could be a result of me crouching on my knees in freezing rain outside in the middle of the night, not just the psychological pain from my flashback. 

“Come on baby.” She takes the rifle from my hand and I don’t protest. I follow her silently back to the house. The air conditioning on our soaked skin has both of our bodies covered in goose bumps. Aika bounds to me whining and crying and I sit down in a chair from the table and run my hands through her thick fur. I bury my face into her back and focus on breathing. My palm clutches my leg that’s radiating phantom pain from where I got shot. Emma appears next to me with a towel but hesitates. 

“Can I help you clean up a bit?” She gestures with the towel.

I nod and she leans down and starts wiping the mud off of my legs. 

“Sugar, I…”

“Baby, nothing needs to be said. I’m okay, and you are going to be. Would you take a warm shower with me?” I look at her and want to just burst into tears. How is she so kind and understanding after what I just did? After what I could have done?

“Please?” She urges and I nod. I follow her to the master bathroom and watch as she turns the water on. Aika stays close and sits down behind me in the bathroom floor. I have no idea what time it is in the night or early morning or how long she’s been awake dealing with me. Emma pulls out two fresh towels for us and then whips the sodden shirt off of her torso before removing her panties. She looks at me and then slowly and gently eases my soaked boxer briefs down my legs before taking my hand and pulling for me to get in the shower. Once I step in, steam surrounds me and I take a deep breath. I’m exhausted, flashbacks always take the energy out of me and it’s not like I’ve been sleeping great this past week. Emma begins lathering a wash cloth with soap and gently starts cleaning me. I stand there perfectly still and let her do what she wants as I attempt to think of anything that I could say to make this situation better. I’m aching with embarrassment. Once she washes me, she quickly washes herself before turning around and caressing her hand on my cheek. She leans down and picks up my wrists that were laying limp by my sides and wraps them around her waist before putting her own around my neck. My eyes are aimed down focusing on the suds swirling around the shower drain.

“Baby, look at me.” She says with the sincerest and worried look on her face and that’s when my resolve breaks. I bury my face into her neck as the hot tears stream from my eyes. I can’t seem to stop them and I ache when I hear myself let out a sob that sounds so painful and broken even to my own ears. Emma tightens her arms around me and guides me back to the bench that we once used for a much different form of intimacy. Emma curls herself around me and holds me tightly while I fully break down. Once my breath starts to come easier, I carefully pull my head from her shoulder and try to clean my face up.

“Let’s dry off and lay down.” She says as she turns off the water and starts toweling me off. I gently take the towel from her, not wanting to be babied but not wanting to seem ungrateful. Once we dry off, Emma hands me some boxers and she tosses on a dry shirt and panties on before we sit on the bed. It’s silent and I feel like I have to say something.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be thinkin’ but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I woke you, scared you and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I completely understand if this is the last time I see you.” I say quietly and she looks shocked.

“Austin, I’m not going anywhere. This is what relationships are about. Holding each other through the good and bad. I’m not scared and you’re not fucked up. You’re haunted and although I don’t know the details of it, I want to help you through it. Even if you don’t want my help, I’m not leaving you.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I should be better. I survived, Damnit! I shouldn’t have any problems. Goodwin, Lowell, Waites, they are the ones who died. I just got shot in my stupid fucking leg after leading them to their deaths!” I sob.

“You are allowed to have problems. Their deaths are hard on you but you are not responsible for it. I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s not your fault.”

“The informant set us up, we were ambushed. Goodwin, God. Goodwin got shot right in front of me. I watched the life drain from his eyes. He has a little girl that he’s never met. If I had questioned the mission from my superiors or done more digging on the informant, they would all be alive right now. I had to look at their family members at their funerals and I’ll never forget the grief from their loved ones. Goodwin’s pregnant girlfriend, Lowell’s widow, Waites’ mom. I still see them sobbing over their caskets in my mind. I didn’t deserve to live when they didn’t get too.” I finally say out loud. I take deep breaths attempting to calm my body from going into another spiral.

“Bear.” Emma reaches for me.

“It’s been years and I still get like this. Hell, it might be getting worse. I don’t think this is something I’ll just get over. I’m too fucked up, Emma. You deserve someone who doesn’t have these types of demons.” My eyes blink heavily.

“You are not fucked up. I deserve you because you treat me better than I’ve ever been treated before.” My eyes droop and I know it’s a result of the flashback. When I have them, my body goes through the trauma all over again so when the adrenaline finally stops coursing through my body, I basically crash.

“Love, you look exhausted. Can you try to sleep for me?” She asks and gently pushes for me to lay down. My head is resting between her breasts as she lays back on her back. We’ve never laid like this before but it’s comforting.

“I’m right here, I’m not leaving. Aika’s here and so is Mills.” She tells me while caressing my head but my eyes are already closed, too heavy to fight staying open longer. I wrap my arm around her waist and within moments, I’m deeply asleep soothed by the steady rhythm of Emma’s heartbeat as she caresses my scalp.

Part 11

Taglist: @shellyshellshell, @henryownsme, @caramariehurst, @beck07990, @mollymal, @kingliam2019, @syversonswife, @identity2212, @starfirewildheart, @hannah9921, @wa-ni, @kneelforloki, @cutedoxie, @enchantedbytomandhenry, @foxyjwls007, @geralts-yenn, @courtlynwriter, @corrie1013, @squeezyvalkyrie, @summersong69, @livisss, @mayloma, @uunotheangel, @warriormirkwood

[mangora]

I’m so tired here are some assorted Disventure Camp headcanons:

•Jake is really into poetry. Some of his poems are bangers, some of them are absolute dogshit. He posts some of them online, mostly the bad ones because he’s not self-aware of how bad they are. He will spend hours on end writing in his notes app. Guy is a big fan of sonnets and free verse but his strong suits are odes and villanelles

•Rosa María, James, Yul, Lake, Riya, Fiore, and Alec are all multilingual. Rosa speaks English and Spanish, James speaks Portuguese and English, Yul speaks Korean and English, Lake speaks German and English as well as some French, Riya speaks Hindi and English, Fiore speaks English and some Italian, and Alec speaks English as well as a variety of other languages (he did a minor in linguistics for his university degree so he knows the basics of multiple major languages).

•Hunter’s a competitive chess player. Ally’s the only person who’s ever beat him fair and square, but even then, that rarely happens

•Lake is great at baking. She’s incredibly exact when it comes to measurements, timing, and technique. Rosa, meanwhile, is a great cook and she doesn’t measure anything

•Aiden can play bass guitar. He started learning as a teenager because he wanted to join an emo band one day. Chase your dreams boy

•Yul used to have braces and he’s really embarrassed about it

•Gabby’s a forager, she loves to forage for wild fruit and mushrooms and greens

•Ellie’s kinda a ghoul in the kitchen. Like she can make good food and drinks but most of the time she’s so tired that she makes evil energy drink-instant coffee potions or like that pistachio & condensed milk concoction from Arthur

•In a better universe I think Ellie and Jake are frenemies instead of fully hating each other and they play Minecraft together and Ellie is constantly stealing Jake’s shit and trying to defeat the Ender Dragon meanwhile he screams every time he sees a Creeper and begs her to turn Keep Inventory on because he keeps dying

•Miriam gets a cat after the show. She’s an older white cat named Snowball and she has the same personality as her. They are best friends and Miriam is so annoyed by her. She made them matching sweaters. Snowball is only fully nice to Jake

•Fiore listens to Thrash Metal. It’s partially just to throw people off when they find out, she thinks it’s funny

•Fiore also enjoys those YouTube prank videos, she knows they’re fake they’re just so stupid that she finds them hilarious. Kristal gives her an iPad for a day one time for entertainment and it pisses the rest of the Magenta team off so bad because she keeps playing these prank videos and watching epic fail compilations at full volume

•Grett loves crocheting. She slowly turns into one of those people who crochets during lectures and while watching movies and shit

•James is really good at Tetris

•Ally is obsessed with Sci-Fi. She, Tess, and Hunter watch Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Star Wars together because they all love the worldbuilding so much. Tess writes fanfiction about almost everything they watch. Hunter has terrible media literacy and misses the themes every time but he has fun watching

•After All Stars, Riya gets really into tattoos. She gets matching ones with Connor

•People antagonize Tom with the cop slide video and every time he clenches his fist and goes, “Stop laughing at him.”

•Kai has a bunch of pet bugs. Maggy’s secretly afraid of them still but she’s getting there. She likes rollie pollies

•Karol used to do roller derby and Lill used to ice skate. Ggirlf,riends,,, I miss them chat. Where is my old woman yuri

•Aiden eats plain yogurt nothing on it and it’s the one thing James doesn’t like about him. Like it’s so upsetting to him. Why does he eat plain yogurt

•Ashley likes hyperpop, don’t tell anyone

•Tom likes crockpot food. He is not invited to potlucks for this reason. He will always bring the crockpot

•Alec doesn’t like splatter films but he really enjoys psychological horror, especially mockumentaries and mondo films

•Lake read creepypasta a lot as a kid and she wouldn’t go into the kitchen after dark because she was afraid of Jeff the Killer appearing at her fridge

[sweetbillwriting]

The Key To His Heart - V

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård where his life changes in 2013 and later 2019.

Setting: L.A, 2024 but in an alternative universe with Bill having a completely different life.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: It's not just Bill's life that is different in this world!

Maria looked at Bill with a soft laugh when they walked into the gigantic, empty theater. Everything was gold and red velvet; it was fitting for a movie scene just in itself.

“This is just for us?” She said, fixing the straps on the orange dress she was wearing. Bill smirked a little and looked at the big screen in front of them. He had never experienced movies in a theater that size by himself before.

“It seems like it.”

He looked around and could see an old-school popcorn machine and soda machine in the corner. On a table next to them lay postcards of movie posters. Bill couldn't stop himself from starting to look through them at once, and Maria giggled at him when she saw how eager he was to see what movies it was.

“Have you seen any of them?” She asked. Bill looked at her a bit amused and licked his lips.

“I think I've seen them all, actually.”

It was classics and cult movies from all decades, and many were on the shelves in his bedroom.

“Really? All of them?” Maria looked through the postcards. “Some look ancient!” She looked at a black-and-white picture.

“That’s Gone With The Wind. You've never seen it? When I was a kid in Sweden, it was often shown on TV.”

“No… Is it something I should see?”

“I think so. It's a classic—a real classic—but it's not a favorite of mine. It's a bit boring to me, but a classic nonetheless.”

Maria nodded a little and looked at Bill's long fingers going through some of the pictures. He wore two silver rings and had a broken cuticle on his left thumb.

“You must have seen the Cuckoo Nest!” He said and showed her a picture of Jack Nicholson. Maria smiled, and Bill thought it meant she had seen it, but she shook her head. “No, I know what it is about, but I've never been interested enough. But this I've seen!” She showed him a picture of Notting Hill, and Bill smiled a bit strained, but she couldn't read his smile. Notting Hill was a good movie, but he wouldn't say it was a movie leaving such a big impact on you. He had some teaching to do.

“What do you want to see?” He asked while inspecting the soda machine. Maria looked at him in silence while he tried to make the machine work. The black t-shirt sat tight over his bulking biceps, and the dark blue slacks sat nice over his ass and sculpted hips.

“Something romantic,” said she with a blushy smile. Bill looked back at her with a smirk. “It's not your genre?”

“Ehh… Not really, no. But there are absolutely good romantic movies too.” Just when he said that a bottle of Coke finally came out of the machine, and with a simple bang against the table, he opened it and gave it to Maria, who took it with a smile. Bill started to go through the pictures again, searching for a good romantic movie, but he was distracted by the better movie in the stack and showed Maria the pictures to see if she had seen them. The only one she had seen was Star Wars and It's a Wonderful Life. Bill didn't become irritated because he knew he was a nerd, but he thought a bit about how it would be if she actually knew a bit more.

They chose a movie each. She chose Dirty Dancing, while he chose Casablanca, just so she would see a classic. They talked about the movie while watching, even if Bill felt he was committing a crime by talking in the theater. He liked Dirty Dancing, but he would never understand why so many women felt it was so good. Some explained it as almost a religious experience, and he wondered if they really just had their sexual awakening when they saw Patrick Swayze dance. He let that question be; it felt a bit too early to accuse Maria of just being horny.

He could feel her eyes on him while they watched the movies, especially when the characters kissed. He recognized that from his teens. One of his first dates as a fourteen-year-old was at the movies. He remembered it being The Aviator that they saw, and the girl had watched his profile when Leonardo DiCaprio had a heated scene with Kate Beckinsale. He didn't dare to kiss her though, but let his knee press against hers. Now he dared to look at the woman next to him when Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman danced closely together. Maria looked back at him and giggled.

“Swedes are so gorgeous…” she said and looked at him with starlit eyes. Bill smirked a bit blushy but took the moment to kiss her. They didn't need to think about someone sitting behind him so Bill could angle his body against hers comfortably. It was Maria who kissed him again and again. He was surprised over her courage but kissed back and chuckled after, when their foreheads were pressed against each other.

×××

It was finally time for them to have some time outside of the TV show. They would all leave Bill's place to go home for a couple of days or to do something else than be locked in the house. Bill would go to his older brother Alex’s house, where his daughters lived for the moment. He had missed them so much, but he also needed advice from his brother. Herman wasn't the best friend to get advice from at the moment because he wanted a good show, so he needed someone who could remind him of the important things—what kind of woman he actually wanted.

Before letting the women leave, he would have a short time to say goodbye to them all separately. Bill felt nervous about it because some of the women he didn't know much about. He knew it would be so obvious for the women, and he would feel bad about it. He had neglected some of them. The first one to say goodbye to was Rose, whom he felt he knew quite a bit about.

“Will you go see your parents now?” He asked while they sat on the white banister on the porch. Rose nodded with a bright smile. Her cheeks were rosy, and she played with his fingers belonging to the hand laying between them.

“Yeah, I could go home, but they live here in town, so it felt easier.”

He knew she was from Florida; she had moved to get a better job. Bill was quiet for a moment, looking at the baby blue lace on her dress. It suited her blonde hair. She had probably dressed up just for that short moment with him.

“Why did you call my name last in the ceremony?” She dared to ask after looking at Bill's kind face for a few seconds. He turned his gaze towards her eyes and thought a little.

“I really like you, Rose, but I don't know if you understand what kind of life I live. You're so young.”

“What would I not understand?” She asked frustrated and furrowed her brows. Bill looked out over the lawn while a breeze played with his hair.

“You said you don't know if or when you want kids. I already have kids. A woman who is with me will get them too. They're my everything.”

Rose looked at him intensely and felt something squeeze around her heart.

“Of course I can live with that.”

“I don't want you to 'live with that.' I want you to see them as an important part of your life also.”

Rose took his hand in hers and squeezed it the same way something squeezed her heart. She wanted him so bad.

“Of course, of course.”

Bill examined her young face. It looked like she panicked, and he felt he couldn't really trust her words. It was obvious she wanted him, but it felt like she was afraid to lose other things because of it.

They said goodbye with a hug to Rose's disappointment. She tried to look at him so sweetly, tried to drag her hands so sensually over his chest, everything to get a kiss, but he moved away from her after the soft hug. She could hear her heart in her ears and feel tears under her eyelids when she walked back to her room.

×××

Tiffany giggled sweetly when Bill came into her room. It wasn't really her room but his oldest daughter's, and you could see clues to it when you looked at the motifs of pictures on the walls and the messy desk in the corner. She was ten and loved everything with flamingos to many's amusement.

“Why flamingos?” Asked Tiffany while looking at a picture of a flamingo with sunglasses on the wall. Bill laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

“I drew the line when she wanted to put one outside on the lawn.”

Tiffany laughed, and so did Bill. He sat down on the bed that Tiffany had made; she had a feeling he would come into her room either when they were still there or after they left.

“Where are you going now?” He asked and stretched his long legs out. Tiffany looked at his limbs, amused. He was so long.

“To a friend's house. I felt New York was a bit too far away.” Bill nodded understandingly.

“Is that the place you want to live?” He tried to lurk about how she felt about California, but that was obvious for Tiffany. She sat down next to him and stretched out her legs too. She wasn't that short, but her legs still looked short compared to his.

“I would move for love. I mean, I'm an actress; maybe Los Angeles is even better for me.”

Bill turned his gaze to her. He wanted to see if she was serious or if she just said what she believed he wanted to hear, like Rose had done. He smiled when he met her sincere eyes.

“Is it a close friend?” He asked to not drown in her eyes.

“It’s not my closest friend, but I have many friends, so...”

“But you're okay with leaving for a weekend? I guess it can be hard for some; I just need time with my girls. And some alone time.” He said the last part with a laugh, and Tiffany laughed too.

“There have been many girls.”

“Mhm. I am a girl dad, but it's a total other thing to be with grown women.”

Tiffany smiled when he rubbed his eyes like he was tired of just the thought. He laughed embarrassed when he saw her smile but then hugged her knee.

“I should say goodbye to the other girls.” Tiffany nodded disappointed but understood. She didn't feel rushed with Bill; she felt their relationship grew slowly and healthily, and she would win on that in the long run.

×××

He had been with Tiffany a bit too long because when he came out of her room, he could see Maria by a cab through the hallway's big window. He took several steps at a time on the stairs because he really didn't want to miss her; that would look so bad.

“Maria!” He shouted when he came out, and she turned her gaze to him. The taxi driver had put her luggage in the trunk and looked towards the cameras, uncomfortably. Maria laughed when Bill started to run towards her.

“I thought you had forgotten me.”

“Never,” he said charmingly and walked close to her. She smiled at him and laid her arms around his neck. Bill tucked her long black hair behind her ears and looked into her dark brown eyes.

“I think the driver wants to go, so I must say goodbye,” she said disappointed, and Bill nodded with a similar expression. He wondered if some of the other girls watched them, but he took the risk and gave her a light peck on the lips. Just like the day before, Maria was the one kissing him again; this time she separated her lips and licked his underlip to get a pass, but Bill drew the line there. It didn't feel right; it felt too intimate to do on the side of the road, with a possible audience.

Maria looked at him a bit embarrassed before jumping into the cab. She wondered what she did wrong because Bill seemed uncomfortable. She really felt there was something special between them, but maybe he had that feeling with more women.

×××

Bill walked to the guest house where the other women lived. He hadn't visited them there, but he had heard it was there that the drama happened. He walked in through the door without knocking; it was his house after all, and he couldn't see that the girls would go around naked outside of their rooms, especially not now when they would leave. He looked around and felt shocked when he saw how messy it was. Piles of dishes stood in the kitchen, the stove had sticky stains, and even on the living room table stood coffee cups, and make-up was spread out. The girls in the main house didn't leave such a mess. He felt an icky feeling when he looked at the leftovers on the plates. Of course he could leave things like that too, but not in someone else's home.

“Hey Bill,” said Brigitte behind him, and he turned around. She could probably see that he looked dissatisfied by the mess because she looked around at it with embarrassment.

“It's mostly Esmeralda... She has a tendency to just leave things behind and move on,” she said with an uncomfortable laugh. Bill nodded a little, even if he couldn't believe it was just one person who had created that mess.

“Ehm… I just wanted to say goodbye? He said and pushed down his hands deep in his jeans pocket.

Brigitte smiled and stepped closer to him. He smiled and thought back to their date. It had been so good, but it had paled with time. She stood up on her toes, wanted a kiss, and he would have felt bad had he not pressed his lips against hers.

“I will miss you,” she said softly and dragged her hands over his hips. He gave her a smile and kissed her again. He kissed her so he didn't need to lie. There were other girls he would think more about than her.

“I must say goodbye to the others too…” he said and released her slowly. Brigitte nodded but hugged his hips one final time and dragged her hands slowly towards his behind. Her gaze on him said it all to him. She had feelings for him—serious feelings for him. He smiled nervously and broke free from her grip so he could say goodbye to the rest of them. He felt awful that he more or less fooled them, just to make TV.

×××

Brigitte pointed out Violet and Esmeralda's rooms for him. Violet had the biggest room in the house, and Brigitte mentioned she wouldn't have accepted it another way when she moved in. Bill could smell the annoyance and understood Violet was a source of irritation in the house. He smirked a little when he walked towards her room because girl drama was a bit funny. He saved Esmeralda; she was still his favorite, and he wanted to save the best for last.

Violet sat on the edge of the bed and painted her lips with a nude colored lipstick. Bill knocked lightly on the door frame, and she looked at him with a bright smile and fixed her blouse.

“Bill! I didn't think you knew where the guesthouse was,” she teased and made Bill smirk.

“Do you think I've visited too little?”

“Yes, you haven't been here at all.”

He shrugged his shoulders and sat down next to her.

“Maybe because it's so fucking messy here. It will start smelling soon!” He joked even if there was truth to it. Violet looked embarrassed and answered fast:

“It's Esmeralda! She's so messy!”

Bill smirked at seeing her panicked expression.

“All of it? How much does she eat?”

“Maybe not all of it; I don't know; maybe Sandra and Maria leave dishes too? I would never do that.” Bill nodded but looked away to cover his smirk.

“When will it be my time to go on a date? You have been out with everyone else, and I can't understand why I'm the last one,” she said when he looked at her again. He sat dumbfounded; he wasn't prepared for the question and hadn't thought about it either.

“Ehh…”

“I really thought you would take me out now. Instead, you took Maria, and that feels like a really weird choice. You two would never become an item. She's just old.”

Bill looked at Violet's serious expression to see if there was some sort of joke or remorse there, but there wasn't.

“She's just four years older than me.”

“Yes, but there's a big difference between men and women. You know that too. Men are young for a longer time. And like, if you want more kids, she may not be able to give you that, you know, because she's old.” Bill laughed a bit unamused because he didn't know at all what to say to her. It was misogynistic as hell, and he didn't think a woman would say such things about another on TV. He nodded a little; even if he didn't agree, he just did it because he was uncomfortable.

“Well, I just wanted to say goodbye, Violet.” He stood up and cleared his voice. He had lost the ability to small talk because of her outdated opinions. She smiled and stood up, clearly not feeling his vibe. He gave her a stiff smile and a hug so he could go to Esmeralda instead; he was quite sure she had better values.

×××

Bill had laid down on his back on Esmeralda’s bed. She lay next to him, on her side, and looked at him.

"Yeah, there has been some drama here... Violet is a bit of a diva,” said Esmeralda with a smirk. Bill looked at her and turned, so he laid face to face with her.

“How?” He said it curiously. Esmeralda laughed, and Bill smiled, confused.

“You just want the dirt! You're such a gossip!”

Bill laughed guiltily and took her hand and pulled her closer to his body.

“No, I'm just worried…” He faked obliviousness and made Esmeralda laugh even more.

She shook her head and laid her leg over his hip.

“Come on, tell me!” He said it with a silly smirk, and Esmeralda twisted her mouth in amusement.

“Yeah yeah… Well, I guess Violet is a bit of a diva; you know everything should be the way she wants, and Sandra can't handle that. It feels sometimes like she wants to push Violet's buttons to see her act out.”

“Like how?”

“She comments on everything. She’s on her for every silly thing. I guess she's a bit of a bully?”

Bill nodded with big eyes while dragging her hand over Esmeralda's thigh. He thought about asking about the mess in the kitchen, but let it be; he didn't want to start drama too.

“What about the others?” He asked. Esmeralda kissed his forehead with a giggle, before continuing to talk.

“Maria is Sandra's sidekick; she isn't mean in any way, but she seems irritated quite often. Brigitte is nice. Maybe too nice, a bit boring?” She looked at Bill like she hoped he would say anything, but he knew where the line was; he wouldn't give her anything about the others.

“And who are you?” He said it teasingly.

“I'm the bitch. You already knew that!” Bill laughed and moved closer to her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think I'm right all the time!”

Bill scratched his stubble on his jawline.

“I guess we're both alike in that. But I actually am right all the time!”

Esmeralda shook her head and lowered her gaze; because of that, she wasn't prepared for Bill putting his warm lips against hers. She giggled softly, and Bill saw his chance to let his tongue visit hers. Esmeralda kissed back and moved even closer to Bill, so their sexes were pushed together. She could feel the shape of him but didn't want to do more in front of the cameras.

“Can't you tell me about the girls in the main house? Like Rose, Sienna?” He asked when they had separated their lips.

“Rose is the sweetest. I don't think anyone has anything against her. She's just a doll. Looks like one too. I guess, just young?” Once again, Esmeralda looked at Bill like he would agree, but he didn't say anything, even if he did agree.

“Sienna is also really sweet but also a bit weird. I think she has ADHD or something. But she's also “the mom," I think? Everyone goes, or went, to her to get comfort. Ehm… Tiffany is probably the one I like best here, so you should eliminate her now.”

Bill furrowed his brows.

“I can't compete with her when I like her, and I don't want to share you with her.”

Bill looked away; suddenly he felt dirty again. He had kissed three women just that day—not Tiffany but two others. If Esmeralda was the bitch of the show, he clearly was the slut. He had never thought he would be that way, but suddenly it felt completely normal walking from woman to woman.

"Oh, by the way, Camila?” Said Esmeralda. One more woman he had kissed. “She dug around in your daughters’ stuff. So if they’re missing anything, it's probably her.”

Bill cleared his throat and looked away. The key. It must have been among his daughter’s things. He didn't know she had one either, but it was more logical she had one than Camila, and she had found it while searching through her stuff. Camila was the psycho of the group.

He got caught in his own thoughts for a while, but Esmeralda let him lay between her legs, thinking in silence. He collected himself just to say goodbye to Esmeralda with three intimate kisses, but then he laid down on his own bed. 

He was an asshole. He didn't want this anymore, but he didn't have a choice. He signed a contract and was forced to play along even if he could see himself becoming a douchier guy by the day. He would be ashamed when they broadcast the show on TV. Especially in front of his daughters. 

×××

He really tried to relax and clear his head at Alex's place, where he was finally without cameras, but it was hard. He felt awful and couldn't find a solution to it. He needed to accept he would look like an asshole on international TV. Why did he kiss all three of them? He should have just kissed Esmeralda, but the other girls really wanted to, so he felt forced. It wasn't the whole truth, but almost, and while he looked at his daughter's play in the pool, he nodded to himself, saying to himself that he wasn't the driving force for the kisses. 

“But it is this Esmeralda who is your favorite? Do you think it will be her in the end?” Asked Alex curiously, everyone around Bill thought the show was interesting, especially when Bill could shut off his emotions easily and was really picky with women. 

Bill put a hand behind his head where he lay in the sunbed. He scratched his armpit while thinking about Alex's question. He thought about Esmeralda and smiled a little, but it died down when he thought about another woman. 

“What?” Alex asked and examined his little brother’s face; it looked like he experienced many emotions at once. 

“She's my favorite, but I don't know... There are other women too. I just feel like an asshole all the time. They treat me like I am so fucking special, and I also wonder how many of them would feel that if it wasn't a competition.” 

Alex nodded and looked towards his girlfriend, who sat with their son by a table in the shade. He wished Bill could get the same love and comfort, but a TV show was probably not the right way. 

Both of them sat quietly, but it was just Alex who heard Bill's phone ringing. 

“It's ringing!” Shouted Alex's girlfriend and held up Bill's phone that lay on the table. 

“Who is it?” Shouted Bill back. 

“Herman!” 

Bill sighed and laid a hand on his forehead. 

“Throw the phone in the pool!” 

“What?” She answered, believing she had heard wrong. Bill sighed and stood up without answering her. He walked quickly so he would be able to answer before Herman hung up. 

“Yeah?” 

“Bill? Hey. How is it?” 

“It's fine. How are you?” 

“Good, good… Ehm.. We have bad news.” 

Bill sat down next to Alex's son and prepared himself for the worst, even if he didn't know what that would be. 

“Sandra will not come back to the show. Her dad isn't recovering like she thought.” 

“Oh. That's sad…” Bill said even if he didn't have so many emotions around it. He didn't know Sandra's dad, so it became all too abstract, and he hadn't gotten to know Sandra either. 

“Yeah… We must solve this; there’s far too few girls for the number of episodes the channel has paid for.” 

“Okay?” 

“So we must bring someone back.” 

Bill sat quietly, staring up at the sky and feeling his heart beat faster and faster. He was pathetic, but he wouldn't lose this chance. 

“We want to bring back Odette-” 

“Sienna. I want Sienna back,” interrupted Bill. He played with the edge of his dark green bathing shorts and pulled at the strings. He had lowered his gaze because even if Alex's girlfriend didn't know anything, he knew she could hear the desperation in his voice. 

Herman smacked his lips. 

“What? I thought you didn't like her?” 

“Ehm… It can be good TV?” 

"Yeah, sure, but she left by herself. To be with her son. I don't think she wants to come back.” 

Bill listened to his heartbeat in his ears and dragged his hand over his thigh over and over. 

“We can try?” 

“I don't know Bill…” 

“I can try? I mean, if I personally say that I want her to come back, maybe she will?” 

Bill listened to Herman's silence until his friend dared to talk again. 

“To be honest, I don't think she liked you that much.” 

He wasn't prepared to hear that; it was silly that he hadn’t even considered that. She didn't like him; maybe her son even was just an excuse to get away from him. 

“We can at least try?”

Herman chuckled, amused. 

“Do you have a hangup?” 

Bill didn't say anything because it was always a joke about his hangups. He couldn't let things go. If he had decided to go for something, he would make that happen. Now it was about a girl.

“Can you just fix it so I can talk to her?” 

“Sure, I will try, but I can't force her.” 

When Bill had hung up, he met Alex's blue eyes to the left of him. He had lifted up his son in his lap and taken his seat so he could stare at his little brother until he would get nervous. He had overheard his phone call and knew he hid something from him. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” said Bill, and he played with his phone just to have something else to look at than Alex. 

“What? I was just wondering who you were talking about? Sienna? Is that another girl?” 

“No, it's a boy. I'm coming out, right here, right now!” Joked Bill and stretched his arms with a smirk. 

“Nothing new, so tell me about this boy, Sienna?” 

Bill grunted in irritation; he wasn't able to joke away the topic but he was stupid believing he would be able to do that. 

“Well… She left. She chose to leave the show. I guess I hadn't given her a fair chance really, and then she came to say that to me and… I don't know, those twenty minutes just… Stayed with me. It felt different being with her. I don't know...” 

“I hope it's not just one of your hangups, and you will ditch her as soon as she shows she likes you.” 

Even if Alex’s words irritated him, he answered collected: 

“No, no. I actually don't think so. It's not that sort of feeling. This is… Yeah, you know, it’s the real feeling.” 

Alex nodded; he knew and he could see on his brother’s face that he was serious. 

××× 

“Sienna said okay to a video call with you, but she also said she will not change her mind. She doesn't have the time.”

Herman had called Bill and talked about Sienna. He gave him her mail address so he could call her that way and gave him the time 2 AM. It was late, but that was fine; his daughters would be in bed by then. 

Bill felt more stressed about his looks than he had before any ceremony. He really wanted to look his best, so she would want to come back. He needed her to come back. Now when that thought was born, he hadn't been able to let it go. He needed more time with her. It was late at night because of the time difference between them. She lived in New Jersey, and they were three hours before Los Angeles. He was used to having calls late at night because of his family and friends in Sweden, so he didn't think about it so much. 

Even if she would just see him through a screen, he splashed on some perfume after having done his hair and pulled on a black t-shirt. He sat down in the bed, in Alex's guest room, with the laptop in his lap and looked at the watch. 1.46. It was still a long time until she would connect with him, and he didn't know what to do. For a while, he just sat and watched himself in the camera to see how he looked. He felt the lighting in the room gave him dark circles under his eyes, and he started to bite his lips when he felt they were too dry. After that, he started to look through all the apps on his phone, reading mail he had already read. He looked at the watch and opened the link for the conversation when there was just one minute left, but then nothing happened. He stared at the screen, but she didn't connect. Minute after minute went by, and slowly he started to give up. She really didn't like him… 

Suddenly she connected, and Bill straightened his back in anticipation. First he just saw a gray t-shirt with the Grateful Dead logo, but then she sat down and showed her face to him. She had no makeup on, and her hair looked shorter, only reaching down to her collarbone; it was in a messy half-updo, and the t-shirt hung loosely on her. She was beautiful. Bill took a deep breath and dragged his hand through his hair. He could feel his heart palpitate in his chest. 

“Hey, Sienna.” 

She smiled a little at him but also looked confused. 

“Hey, Bill.” 

He took a shaky breath and dragged his hand through his hair once again; it felt like it was laying in the wrong direction, or like it was a wig with a bad seam. 

“How, how are you?” He asked and tried to sound relaxed. 

“I'm okay. You?” 

“Yeah, I'm okay…” 

They looked at each other in silence, but both of them couldn’t keep themselves from smiling. It was Bill that started, but it was obvious it wouldn't take many seconds for Sienna to be infected by his genuine smile and big green eyes. 

“Biiill… What is this?” Sienna said with a silly whiny voice but giggled after. He laughed as an answer and looked down at the keyboard, embarrassed. 

“I don't know, Sienna, I don't know... It just happened,” he said and looked up at her again. She smirked teasingly a bit but then laughed. 

“I know, I know…” She sighed, but she smiled just as big as Bill. 

×

[samthetrekkie]

for having watched this movie at least twice before (albeit several years ago), I recalled surprisingly little of the plot. and so did my dad, who had once watched this with me! I used to think this was my favorite tos movie and I think the reason was bc this movie needs the smallest tos context. like it's objectively a - not super inventive - but thrilling and interesting plot. I also only now realized how much this movie made parallels to the end of the cold war and overall had some really good dialogue, which, let's be honest, not all of tos has.

but I think the reason it's not my favorite tos movie anymore, is bc I now do have the context and for a star trek movie, it was pretty weak when it comes to the characters. and tos is especially character-driven (to the point were the same 2-3 characters are protagonists in each episode). and I find that really interesting bc I do like all of the tos crew, but I also need that kirk/spock relationship thrown into my face again and again. and there was very little of that this time (not nothing though) and each character had kind of important roles to play. I don't want to say this is the only tos movie that operated like that, but I do notice it more in this one as I used to think this was the best movie.

anyway, there were still a few things I liked about the character portrayal in this. kirk and spock seemed to have some bigger issues prior to this as kirk seemed to be pissed off and distant with spock the whole time. and you can't tell me this was just bc of the assignment with the klingons. kirk felt like spock had personally attacked him with this assignment and spock seemed really confused, probably thinking he had given kirk an interesting last mission. so in my headcanon, their seem to have separated at this point :( but later on I really enjoyed how unusually angry spock got when he found out valeris was the one responsible for getting kirk convicted and had ultimately put his life in danger. there was a certain level of guilt in there too, as spock had been the one to get them into this mission in the first place. and kirk having pretty much forgiven spock in rura penthe of all places, was really surprised to see spock's behavior and even felt bad for it, so it seems. he was not even initiating the kiss with iman's character! (also very interesting alien concept, similar to changelings, when it comes to gender.) in general he seemed almost never interested in any of the women in the movies, which I have mentioned before, but I love as it fits right into my headcanon :) but mccoy's "what is it with you" after the kiss was still amazing as it summed up the entirety of kirk's obsessive womanizing behavior in tos. generally, mccoy had the best one-liners ever in this. and he was by far not the most prejudiced one in this movie. and he was actually really nice to spock the entire time and seemed relatively tame in general. do we see a little character change caused by the last movie…? I still don't see mccoy and kirk being a thing, but mccoy and spock on the other hand…

I won't take this any further and rather conclude my tos walkthrough for good now (even though some of the characters appear in other series and movies again). I thought it was really interesting to see the changes the decades made on sci fi and to watch it with a person who actually lived through those decades.

I have to say tos really is up there now in the star trek ranking for me, maybe even above tng. (but we'll watch that next, so this view might change very soon.) spock (as played by nimoy) is certainly one of my top 3 star trek characters and I think that says a lot for a show that was written in the 60s. (the other one is seven and I have no idea who the third one is, but... we got all the autistic-coded ones up there, don't we.)

I'm so glad we have so much to go when it comes to star trek, though! even if it'll take us several years, now that I've counted it… (there is some shows and movies I will skip, though.)