#really just me being an emotional idiot
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Might be obvious at this point, but I just got my copy of A Glitch in Time today, and I have a lot of emotions because of it. I'll keep this pretty spoiler free, but I just have to say that I want to cry. They're happy tears, but I wanna cry nonetheless. This is obviously going to just be me ranting and getting emotional, so feel free to skip.
It's such a good book, it wraps things up so nicely, and it makes me feel like a kid again. I feel so warm, and I love it so much.
Honestly, I've found myself drifting away from the phandom in recent years, just because I kinda lost sight of the things that drew me to the show in the first place. I can't deny that Danny Phantom was an important part of my life, or that my experiences with the show and the phandom definitely shaped me into the person I am today, but that spark that drew me to the phandom in the first place ended up fading for me, to the point where I almost couldn't feel an ounce of inspiration from it when it absolutely poured from it when I was a kid. I almost didn't even order my copy of the novel because of that.
But I finally bit the bullet and got my hands on it, and I honestly feel that familiar spark again. The same spark I felt when I first rewatched Danny Phantom all those years ago and joined the phandom. I can just feel every single thing I loved about the show radiating from this book, and it's a wonderful feeling I never really thought I'd ever feel again. I almost want to have a Danny Phantom binge for the first time in years, just for the nostalgia of it all.
The phandom almost feels the same way it did when I joined too. There's just been an explosion of art, writing, and just people dumping their thoughts about it like I am right now. It feels good, like I'm actually reliving some of my old memories.
I didn't think this one book from a fandom I've been less and less active in throughout the years would make me this emotional, but it did. At this point, I'm just rambling into the void because I doubt anyone cares about this. But I just had to gush about how much I loved this book and how it made me feel. Now I'm off to cry and try not to explode from literally every emotion I can't put into words right now.
#danny phantom#a glitch in time#really just me being an emotional idiot#like someone opened the flood gates and now you have to deal with the consequences
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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Hunter notices Amity is really distressed about that new kid Odalia somehow has, so he eventually suggests kidnapping because Odalia sucks as a parent and why not? Amity is still in her bloodline deduction state of mind so she blurts out that people will then make the awful mistake of assuming Grimwalker Alador is THEIR child, which is the wrong thing to say because for Hunter that's hilarious and even more reason to go kidnap him.
i love the shitpost horror-comedy universe where lumiter just keep acquiring grimwalker babies that look like them. in increasingly stupid & ill-conceived ways. between luzwalker and aladorwalker anyone who knows the three of them is like damn hunter why does the universe let you have unprotected sex with Two girlfriends. while hunter is out here like. ok. i have literally never even Attempted to touch either of these women in my life. and have no idea What The Actual Fuck is going on. however i Will commit to the bit if prompted.
#IT'S SO STUPID. none of this is canon and i rarely get invested in kid AUs but i DO love kid AUs that are really fucking funny.#too many grimwalkers! a timeline about how nobody will stop fucking making grimwalkers#also eternally compelled by a hunter who will just roll with anything. his levels of not giving a fuck are off the charts#i think canon hunter cares a whole lot about everything all the time forever. however#AU hunter has all his emotional eggs in like 3 baskets & anything outside of that is just a fun playground. why would he care what#anyone thinks of him. people have been making the wrong assumptions about him and luz for as long as he can remember#if being assumed to be someone's boyfriend protects them and/or furthers a very funny rivalry then sure. he'll have fun with it#AU hunter is the kind of friend every dyke needs when they go to non-queer bars. 'do you want me to kill that guy for you'#replies#toh#princess luz au#and who is that other witch#horrible mindscape trauma pals#shitty idiot repression gang
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This is how this went right?
Parallax!Hal: I miss being a hero... wish I had my ring back
Kyle: oh well you can have mine then! That way you can have a second chance : )
Parallax!Hal: YES!!! A SECOND CHANCE TO PLAY GOD AND RESHAPE THE WORLD AS I WILL IT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kyle, now ringless: .................huh. im gonna be honest here I really didn't see that coming
#KYLE OH MY GOD#losing my mind at this actually WHY DID YOU DO THAT#kyle falling prey to hal's manipulation tactics (old man tears)#i cant tell i think this is supposed to be a tense emotional moment? maybe? BUT ITS JUST SO FUNNY IM SORRY#just wow#im honestly very split on this emotionally#because while i AM laughing part of me is like KYLE WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU IDIOT meanwhile the other half is just like kyle.... <33333 that#was actually very sweet of you (ignores the 🐘 of kyles lack of belief in himself as a hero)#vs my thoughts about hal like THE FACT THAT THAT ACTUALLY WORKED. okay girlboss you really manipulated your way out of that one ahfisusish#versus like ollie did just shoot him.... maybe he was being genuine... he seemed genuine in many parts#anyways i think the answer is very much both for all of the above#like hal was telling the truth and he was hiding his intentions from kyle and trying to prey on him to get the ring#AND kyle was being naive when he gave the ring to hal but he was also showing his good heart by trying to help PLUS was very much in his#'denial of the call' phase of his hero's journey and dealing with issues surrounding having the ring#anywaysssss#kyle rayner#hal jordan#lanterns#green lantern#parallax#dc comics#blah#swishy liveblogs
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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#y’all I am. literally so unbearably unwell about new meat prison hari for some reason#couldn’t tell ya how but he’s really doing something for me#is it the prospect that he might change his thinking on emotions being insignificant? that in his century in the time out box he might have#figured out something of how he fucked up just a little? how he’s softening up to gaal a little and maybe starting to feel bad???#is it the idea that a man so absorbed in math can finally understand the balance he needs in his own life not only for his plan to be#successful but also to allow himself feelings for individuals that he’s been repressing the whole fucking time???#is it the prospect of this man being as tender as a chicken strip??? yeah you bet it is#hari seldon#foundation#I’m gonna go throw up I’m too emo about it#I love it when an idiot like that goes soft and it’s such a rare thing I really hope they let jared do it#and not yoink it away from me this time
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#writing#poetry#2022#October 2022#october 13 2022#You’re Kind of an Idiot#yeah i still like this one#I think i specifically trying to imitate Richard Sikken with the funky formating and view changes or however you call it#the context was I convinced my friends to add me to this group chat that had all this people they were friends that I didn’t know#(I did know half of them tho)#and like this wasnt a decision made by the group chat but just the three in it i had lunch with#originally it was a joke i wasnt in it but then i got them to add me#I thought i might get kicked out by one of the people who didn’t know me once they realized this random guy was in the gc#but i ended up fitting it really well and especially got along with the guy i was most intimidated by#there was a discord server that was the REAL gc and wasnt in it#but there was a vote (using discord emote reacts) for if i was gonna be added or not#I didn’t know how to see who did what react on discord at the time so it was anonymous to me at first#the ones who voted no where ones i knew and they totally did it jokingly but i was afraid i was being too annoying and karen esc about it#anyways i got voted and everything went well#the server and group chat eventually got deleted due to drama to do this this girl who was only there cause she was this one guy’s gf#(She fucking sucked btw. like she was a white girl who made racism jokes. thats the kind of person she was)#(fun fact her and the guy she dated straight up met in a psych ward after he tried to kill himself)#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd
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me when ihave a dream about my 3rh closest friends all beyeaying me 🤯🤯🤯
#vent#duh#it was sostupid too im jjst. an idiot and emotional and i hate being left out and everyoneknows that wnd that dream has genunlu runed my day#woke up sobbing oops!and in that drupid thing everyome was like get over it itsnkt a big deal like ok sorry. sorry sorrywjqyever#amd none of themare here rigjt now and i miss them all so much and its not fair because ik they wuld never just abandon me for eahc otherbut#everytime i introduce my feiends to each other its like oh duh juli they like each other more! what did u expect! and im the stupidone for#feeling upset at being left out asthey go on witjout me and its like ok talk witjoug me whatever idc but. reallh. really#i was gonan wake up early and do all this stuff but i dont wang to get up anymote im so tired already i feel horrible#idec ab the otjer ppl calling me atupid and emotional or whatever buf ughj b#on the other hand in that dream i did a one pull and got childe twice excepf there were 2 versions of him for some reason???#like u could be childe OR tartaglia ?! idek what fhe difference was one jusg looked younger#erm. anwyay ☺️#post#maes tag#to delete#actually idk if fheyre aroun d rn im kind of too scared to do anything relagimg to them bc what if my nightmare was True!#(def wasnt)
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Hey people of tumblr I have an idea of a way to help support Gaza. This one's especially for people living in Christian areas with a lot of mainstream acceptance of israel. It's only a few days until Christmas and as for all Gazans, things are incredibly desperate for the small population of Christian Gazans. In particular here are some articles talking about fears all Christians in Gaza will be dead soon.
So how about we call up our local churches and ask what they're doing to help the people of Palestine?
The articles I've linked come from a variety of backgrounds. Some predate oct 7th. All focus on the plight of Christians in Palestine. Take your pick for what source you think will speak to your audience.
I want you to find a church that is ignoring the genocide or even praying for israel and then point out it's not just people being murdered. It's their people being murdered. Contact your local church like "Hey I'm Name, I'm not really a member of any church these days but it's Christmas and I really want to do something to help people in Palestine. I was wondering if you have something planned over Christmas? Maybe a prayer meeting or a protest or something idk 🥺" Then if you recieve any pushback switch to "oh but I'm just sooooo worried about our fellow Christians unable to celebrate Christmas".
It's a great place to ease people into caring about genocide who normally wouldn't. And if you convince a priest they might tell their whole congregation about how this christmas they have to show up for persecuted christians in jesus' birthplace. Worth a try?
#free palestine#free gaza#christmas#christians in gaza#i did not fact check the articles i linked i wanna be upfront about that#this is from a place of emotive headlines i assume ppl will barely skim bcus thats how ppl engage with me when i link them things#i skimmed the articles and i straight up dislike some of them!#some of them are from right wing backgrounds so ugh#some make such a point of bashing hamas and its like sure yes hamas have done some bad things too does this really need such focus rn#but i reckon some ppl will have a way easier time with their cognitive dissonance if you gave them that article rather than a more focused#also and this is obvious i am not an expert maybe my idea isnt that good pls school me if im an idiot#im not palestinian#im white and was raised christian and like i read the part where they said being mean was a sin and was like okay why are yall ignoring????#so basically this is coming from my background with christian cognitive dissonance and how what they say and what they do are very at odds#but if you learn to point that out using juuuuuuust the right lingo you can make them do better#they generally genuinely do want to be good they just Do Not See the same things i do#and like my autistic ass cant see what all the other kids at church saw so diversity ig#also heads up if you do this you have to be down to pray like a bunch with nice people on the phone or whatevs#the churches i rang arent having separate prayer meetings but did pray with me on the phone and like my relationship with religion is weird#but it was ~emotional~#anyway they are all already praying for palestine near me so thats something ig#i checked in on a church that kinda scared me out of the faith by being homophobic years ago and theyre already prayin#so like idk everyone in the world really is praying for gaza
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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I wish I could handle myself in an argument without fucking crying
#My dad just got back from a like. educator’s conference on ai#and was like ‘wow it’s just so amazing. I wish students didn’t use it to cheat but it’s amazing’#and he’s talking about how he would be fine to see art and writing and stuff created by ai if he couldn’t tell the different. and was like.#if you can’t tell why would you care? to me#and I was like ??? Because I want to see things created by my fellow man? because I want to see things created by passion and love#for the craft? because I want the stories I consume to benefit talented creators and not just big corporations?#Because I want people to being able to share their art with the world instead of it all being created by a computer trained on#nonconsenting parties??#and he was like ‘yknow you really shouldn’t position yourself so anti ai. you’re never gonna be able to get a job with that attitude’#and I’m just like ‘I don’t want a job that uses ai as it currently stands? and unless this shit improves drastically I probably won’t?’#and he was like ‘well you’re gonna fuck yourself’ and then went into this long metaphor and then said that this was just like how#I hate board games and that I shouldn’t commit so hard to my dislike of something bc I’ll be missing out#when that’s not even the fucking same thing! I wish I liked board games! I wish I could share in something that literally all of my friends#love and not be a fucking bummer at parties bc I either don’t play and look weird or I do play and feel like shit and probably act like#an ass! I wish I liked board games! I simply do not enjoy playing them! I find them stressful and unenjoyable!#I don’t like ai bc I don’t like the way it’s trained! I don’t like the way companies are trying to use it! I don’t want to make or consume#things that were created by an algorithm when I have beautiful art and writing and creations by passionate people who I think should be pai#and at this point I start crying bc he’s telling me I’m never gonna get a job bc god forbid I have some principles and keeps comparing it t#the board game thing which he already knows I’m fucking sensitive about!#and I have to run upstairs like a pussy bc I don’t wanna keep talking about it bc now I’m fucking crying#I hate how I can’t get even a little bit passionate without just getting emotional. I hate that I can’t handle myself#it sucks bc now I’m sure I just look like an idiot and my evening is ruined
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Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros is literal hot garbage and I will die on this hill.
#like it’s literally one of the worst constructed/written books I have ever encountered#how on earth could Yarros be married to a 20+ year military vet and yet still not even understand the most basic military concepts#it’s honestly astounding how brain dead her characters are#the way she writes makes it abundantly obvious that she thinks her readers are a bunch of idiots#who need every single story theme and element hand fed to them#the introduction of Varrish was just utter bullshit#she could have painted ‘VILLAIN’ on his forehead and it would’ve been less obvious#please tell us again how smart your main character is while she proceeds to do the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen#‘oh why won’t xaden trust me with rebellion secrets even though I basically announce my suspicions of the empire at every turn?’#idk violet maybe it’s bc you won’t do the mind training they’ve been telling you to do#so you’re constantly vulnerable to the mindreader YOU KNOW PERSONALLY#maybe that’s why no one tells you anything???#also holy shit her being like ‘I have to be careful and not let the empire know I’m questioning my duties’#and then immediately crashing into a scribe meeting to request more red flag reading??#like??? was she kicked in the head???#also the dragons stating multiple times that humans are basically like ants to them and they don’t care if they live or die#but simultaneously having to somehow be subserveant to the military????#bitch why weren’t you all enslaved by the dragons#this is such nonsense#also her prose is ass#come back when you can tell the difference between parse and parcel Rebecca#yeah a lot of my complaints are iron flame related#but that’s just bc it really hit home how bad this all is with the second book#net zero improvement#way to fail downwards Rebecca#ALSO!! what evil empire would conscript their enemies children into the one branch of their military where they get DRAGONS and SUPERPOWERS#like what??!!#in what world#what military would be so afraid of a new rebellion that they conscript the people with deep emotional ties to the old rebellion???#if real militaries worked this way there would be no more war bc we’d all be dead
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#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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Am I an unreasonable and self-centered pc? Or are my brothers argumentative for no good reason?
#it's not your fault as a dm#but i am sick of arguing#it especially pisses me off when the argument is because they weren't paying attention#'what would you know about people who join the mafia? Van was just poor!'#BS - it's been plot significant since the moment we met that he’s been from wealth and nobility this whole time#'why don’t you actually try to run away from your family?'#that was literally the first act of our d&d campaign#Dharmos killed 2 of my companions and threatened me gravely#'why do you keep obeying him if he's the main antagonist?'#i am literally not obeying him. if i was - he'd have the key right now#i know it's better for you to remain impartial or whatever#but i could really use some validation that i'm being consistent and/or some advice on how to not argue every session#because i. can't. take. it. anymore.#(i don't mind arguing about whether to tax my villagers but i hate being made to feel like an idiot...#...for not trusting the corpse of a lvl 20 vampire druid to a guy who has tried to kill me and is from a rival family)#i feel like any and all nuance is lost on my brothers - i *still* don't think they understood the dreamers' prophecy correctly#but i am also pregnant and emotional and can accept if i'm being annoying and work to play otherwise#but again i'm pregnant and emotional and i think i might just leave the table if i have to get into another argument of that sort#i feel like he's arguing just to argue with me#(it's not like he had a particularly compelling reason to die on that hill)#but it's both of my brothers against me so maybe it is a me problem#again i don't think this is your fault#but between my demanding toddler and demanding pregnancy and the ridiculous amount of time we spent arguing on a stupid matter#well today was a rough day#(which is a shame because i have a lot to otherwise say about the fun lore we dug up and stuff)#(i'll write to you about that later)
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Seriously!!! No apologising for the tags!!! I see ur tags in my notifs and rub my little hands in glee cause I know they’re gonna be good food!!!!
WAAAAAAA on it boss (salutes) fist fighting my insecurities one unapologetic sincere tag at the time ;;; no but honestly, thank you. It means a lot!!!
#ask#i believe in being genuine. yknow the whole 'now say something beautiful and true' stick.#doesn't mean it's always easy to put yourself out there :') but here's to trying#old dogs don't learn new tricks? good thing I'm not a dog. and maybe one day i will even stop throwing up on those hard to reach places#(<- insane sentence if you lack context)#my brain just made three jumps i can't really explain and landed on Peter b in the 'let's take ibuprofen together' pose#but it says 'let's go to therapy together' and he is extending his hand to miguel who says (with the intonation of someone#who is practiced in keeping his voice free of emotions) 'I'm busy'#I'll leave you with that bc it genuinely made me laugh like an idiot. and yes. peter is drawn in the same anime style as the og image
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