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jaylixjun · 4 years ago

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Last kiss pt.3

https://fredweasleys-gf.tumblr.com/post/650322643337232384/last-kiss

part one!^

y/n had spent only a few minutes in the tub, she couldn’t relax, she had dunked her head multiple times under cold water,but still no luck.

after a few minutes,she decided to get out.

she squeezed some water out of her hair before she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself.

she applied lotion and dressed up, not bothering to dry her hair.

she grabbed her slippers and left the bathroom.

“feel better ?” marianne asked when she saw her come down the stairs.

y/n just shrugged

“well, hope this will make you feel better” she said showing y/n favorite movie making her crack a smile.

“we have popcorn and the drinks, however, there’s no ice cream and candy, i will be real quick! back in a flash!” marianne said apparating away.

five minutes later, y/n’s mouth felt dry, so she decided to get up and get a glass of cold water grabbing a pain killer for her head.

she sat down in her couch, hugging her knees, her hair soaking her shirt making her cold.

all of a sudden she heard three loud knocks startling her.

“alright fred, once again you’re sure about this?”

“yes! just-let’s go”

george and fred grabbed their wands, fred putting his in his pocket while george had his out.

george placed a hand on fred’s shoulder and apparated to y/n’s place.

“alright, here we are, just come back when you’re finished” george said almost apparating away.

“georgie?, thank you, i will fix this”

“good luck” said george before he left.

fred’s stomach was swirling with nerves, he felt faint.

the light was on so he knew she was home.

he took deep breaths before he raised his hand up to knock.

“mari! you know you have a wand right?” he heard y/n say loudly so , who she thought was marianne, to hear.

fred sighed and knocked again.

a few moments later she opened the door.

she opened the door about to speak when she saw fred standing on her porch.

fred didn’t even get a chance to speak before she slammed the door closed.

“y/n” he said softly but loud enough for y/n to hear, he knew she was still behind the door.

“y/n can we please talk?”

she still didn’t reply making fred knock once again a few moments later

“no, please go away” he heard her say, knowing she was about to cry

“please.., can i just please explain myself??!” fred said desperately

on the other side of the door, y/n was covering her mouth trying not to make any noice, about to tell him off again but she felt like she needed to know why he left her.

a minute later, y/n wiped her tears and tried to compose herself opening the door.

“i’m assuming george brought you, after i told him not to, now explain” y/n said trying to keep her head high

“y/n, first things first i want to say i am so sorry, everyday i regr-“

“not the first time i’ve heard a guy say the same apology, not personally to me but you get it” she said cooly taking fred aback making him sigh.

“y/n…”

“what? care to actually explain it to me now?”

fred just looked at her, both of them making eye contact, making each others eyes fill with tears,y/n determined not to let one slip out,but it kept getting harder as she tried not to blink.

finally fred let them out.

“i miss you so so much and i really truly am sorry” fred said almost breaking down.

at this, y/n couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help the waterworks coming out from her eyes, she turned around and walked back to her couch, leaving the door open as an obvious “come in” to fred.

y/n sat with her knees to her chest, holding on to her fox slippers on her feet.

fred came in and closed the door, following to her couch, sitting down scooting away to give her space.

his eyes trailed down to her slippers, making him let out a tiny smile.

“nice slippers” he said, making y/n look up at him

“explain”

“oh okay well um” he said, the smile quickly leaving his face “i’m not sure where to start”

“how about why you left me?” y/n changed her posture and sat with her back straight

he cleared his throat before starting, he rubbed his hands together as a clear sign of him being anxious

“well y/n that’s the thing, i’m not entirely sure-“

“you’re not sure?? are you kidding me??!”

“look, i’m so sorry, five months ago it made so much sense to me, now i’m not sure why”

“i don’t understand you! we were fine that morning and the day before that and the day before that do i keep going?”

“that day i was not in a good mood-“

“that’s it ?? you weren’t in a good mood?? what a bullshit excuse! yearsss of being together and you break it off with no explanation over a bad mood??”

“y/n…please listen” fred said, all y/n did was turn her head away from him looking the other way so he wouldn’t see her tears, but he knew they were there,as some of his own started spilling.

“okay, yes it sounds absurd but it’s true i wasn’t in a good mood that day, it sounds stupid when i say it out loud but,” he sighed trying to put his thoughts into words, “okay, that was not the first time i’ve gotten home late as you noticed, i was always missing out on afternoons with you for months ! i could tell it upset you, but you, you still stuck by me,yes we were fine and i was determined to change and be there more for you but work just was too much, that day was one of the toughest one and i just started overthinking and though it would be better to break it off knowing it wouldn’t be the last day like that, i swear if i could go back to that day and make it alright i would in a heartbeat”

at this point y/n was already sobbing, trying to keep the sobs away, she opened her mouth a few times to say something but kept closing it.

all of a sudden, marianne apparated back into the kitchen

“hey y/n/n i’m back, i brought you your favorites, even picked up some cauldron cakes!”

“y/n?” she said turning around spotting her crying and fred on the couch.

“what are you doing here??!”

“i’m-“

“mari, it’s okay don’t worry” she said getting up to her feet and walking towards her cousin.

“can you please wait for me upstairs for a bit?”

“are you sure?”

“yes i am”

“okay, call me if anything”

and with that she went up the stairs but not before glancing back.

y/n didn’t sit back down, she stood where she was, crossing her arms feeling small.

fred stood up too, walking towards him, standing a few feet infront of her.

“why didn’t it occur to you to come talk to me?”

“i-“

“i mean we fixed almost everything between us, like when you left hogwarts and i was still in school, or during a goddamn war!”

“i just don’t understand fred”

fred walked towards her and this time she didn’t pull away, she just looked up at him and felt her lip quiver, his eyes too were glistening with tears, seeing as he had hurt her for months.

he kept pushing his luck and kept going towards him until they were mere inches away, all of a sudden the hugged her and she sunk into the hug, sobbing loudly.

“i kept thinking you fell out of love with me,freddie” she said gripping his sweater to assure herself he was there with her and didn’t want to let him go.

“i never did love, i never stopped loving you” he said, feeling his chest warm of having her in his arms after years, smelling the smell of her shampoo that lingered in her hair, also the fact that she called him freddie.

“then why? fred ,it hurt so much” she said looking up at him

“i thought i was no good for you”

she cupped his cheek and put their foreheads pressed up together, wiping stray tears from his face with her thumbs, while he held her tight, as if she was gonna disappear, crying together,finally feeling as if things were gonna get better.

“freddie…” she whispered “you were the best! how can you think you weren’t”

“i’m so sorry y/n, i will spend the rest of my life showing you how much i love you, i will never leave you again, of course if that’s okay with you.”

y/n let out a choked sob out of relief, feeling like she was still dreaming.

“yes freddie, i missed you so much”

“i missed you most, i know it’s not going to be easy and fast, but i pinky promise you i will get there, i will make up for lost time and more”

y/n nodded into him, letting her hand drop from his face on to his shoulder and hugging him tight while she was on her tippy toes, burying her face in his neck, him feeling like home to her.

fred pulled away slightly enough to see her face and with his both hands, cupped her face.

“i love you y/n, to the moon and to saturn”

“i love you most freddie” she sobbed looking at him

“please don’t leave again”

“i won’t love, i won’t”

like a magnet, both of them moved towards each other, fred stopping an inch away from her looking at her for consent, making her nod and their lips connecting for the first time in five months.

it was a short kiss of affirmation, him letting her know he would always be there for her.

“bloody hell i love you so much woman” he said carrying her making her yelp as he carried her into the couch.

fred never broke his promise (:

this was a long one lol, hope you guys liked it !! i didn’t intend into writing this much !!

@freddiemylovelg gave me the idea of fred breaking up with her bc he thought he wasn’t good enough, and i thank you!!

#fred weasley #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fic #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley oneshot #fred weasley x y/n #harry potter #weasley twins #back to december #last kiss #fred weasley fluff #fluff #harry potter angst #harry potter imagine #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy

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kim-ruzek · 3 years ago

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sometimes you just don't know the answer

Summary: But typical Kim, typical naive, always believing the best in people Kim, thought that even though Adam and her have been out of sync, even though any time any serious conversations comes up it seems like Adam doesn’t listen or pay attention, even though things haven’t been exactly good, Kim thought they both had the same end goal. To be married, happy, in a strong relationship.

Evidently, she was wrong.

Set in S3, fix it bc it circumvents the breakup.

Warnings: Bob Ruzek's A+ parenting, alluding to sexist thoughts, swearing

Word Count: 4k

Read on AO3

Notes: So. A few days ago Lexi ( @adamruz ) answered an ask and said her hc about Adam is that he never actually told Bob about the dinner with her mom and well.... My mind ran with it. And thus this was born.

I hope y'all enjoy (especially you Lexi ♥️)

“Coffee?” Kim looks over at Officer Samuel Innings, her assigned partner for her overtime shift. It’s the first time on the whole shift that Kim is glad, not irritated, at the sight of him—although it’s more to do with the coffee cup he’s holding out for her than him.

“Thanks.” She gives him a smile—he may be one of my most irritating people she’s ever met, but she’s still polite, especially when there’s coffee involved. Innings only needed to go into the shop because he needed the toilet—or, ‘needed to take a whiz’, as he so elegantly put ten minutes earlier—she didn’t expect that he’d pick her up a coffee. From what she had seen from the hours she’s already been on this shift, he’s annoying and she had thought not very considerate.

“It’s two sugars, no cream, right?” Innings double checked.

It’s not, but coffee is coffee so Kim smiles gratefully at him, nodding, before taking a sip, feeling better already knowing that coffee will be soon coursing through her body.

“Do you think we’re gonna get a call?” He only gives Kim a few seconds peace of silence before he speaks again and she has to resist so hard to not roll her eyes. Innings is young, green, and maybe his eagerness could be seen as admirable if it wasn’t so grating. He has no restraint, nattering on and bothering her, and offering his unsolicited complaints about what members of public they’ve dealt with in this shift.

He’s not the kind of partner she’d like on her regular shift, but even more on this graveyard shift, when she’s tired, when she’s already in a mood, when all she wants is just peace and quiet.

He almost makes her wish she had taken Sean up on his offer to join her on this shift. Kim had turned him down, stating she didn’t want to take away his day off just because she’s giving it up—and of course, that was a reason for it, but it wasn’t the only reason.

She just wanted silence, monotony, and she wouldn’t get that with Sean. Her mind is clouded, and he—as well intended as Kim’s sure he is—would only make it worse. But she hadn’t anticipated Innings, and is debating if the devil she knows would’ve been better than the devil she doesn’t.

“You never know.” She says in answer to his question. Her voice is dry, plain, monotone, not having it in her to bring any fake interest or life into it, even if she’s making sure she’s still being polite. Officers talk, and she doesn’t want to be known as a bitch who was in a mood—even if she’s very much feeling that way.

“I hope we do. But nothing like that last call, breaking up drunken sluts is no fun. Like they’re so dramatic, just go home with whatever man you picked up and fuck him and leave us out of it.” Kim screws up her nose at his words, taking another sip of her coffee to hide her disgust at his attitude, making a mental note to tell Trudy about it.

Not that she might necessary be able to do anything about it; Kim’s been outsourced to a beat in another district, Innings not working at hers. Trudy’s wrath would come down like a wall of bricks on any officer in the twenty-first that she gets a whiff of this kind of attitude, but Innings reports to a different desk Sargent.

Although, Trudy Platt is a formidable woman, and Kim knows that she’ll take this up with the other desk Sargent, and god help him if he doesn’t at least hear Platt out.

Even when Kim was new at the twenty-first, she was glad that she had Platt as a desk sergeant, admiring her no nonsense personality. She’s exactly the kind of Sargent cops need, and as Kim listens to Innings prattle on, it makes her wonder whatever possessed her to sign up for this overtime, to willingly seek work—willing seek to interact with officers who aren’t Trudy’s—outside her district.

Of course, Kim does know what possessed her. When seeking this, she had told everyone—well, Platt, Adam and Roman—that she wanted the overtime money, for the expenses in her near future. It’s believable, and it won’t hurt to have the money, of course.

Even though Kim has her doubts whether or not she’ll actually need it—those expenses will only happen if they can actually set a date for their wedding and pick out a place to live. And as more time goes on, the less convinced she becomes that it’ll actually happen.

Which, really, is why she chose to work on her day off.

Everything in her life, her feelings, her relationship, Adam, it’s all very confusing in her head currently and the thought of sitting at home, doing nothing but letting it continue to fester, was an unbearable one.

Kim can’t help but feel guilty, though. It’s also Adam’s day off, and since Intelligence has been thigh deep in a case recently, they haven’t spent much time together and the time they have, all they’ve done is fight—if they’ve even done much talking. It’s usually silent, even when they’re curled up on the couch together, the silence permeates through the air, making it feel like they’re worlds apart.

But she also knows it being Adam’s day off makes this a good decision even more. There’s some serious questions that Kim’s having to ponder upon, and she fears that if they were alone, no work or distractions, they might truly fight. Most of their fights end before they begin—verbally, at least—them exchanging a few heated words before they let their deafening silence say all the things they don’t.

But if they were alone, Kim fears that things might come to blows. And as much as she’s questioning her relationship with Adam, questioning his commitment to them, to her, to their future, she really doesn’t want that to happen. She doesn’t want to call quits on their relationship. And she knows how dangerously close they are to that happening; all it’ll take is one wrong thing to occur.

Like her, accidentally, in anger, yelling her half formed thoughts, her ineloquently put feelings about all what is annoying her.

They need the space, that’s what she tells herself. In a few days, Adam—and Bob Ruzek—will be meeting her mother, and while that won’t fix things, or makes her think they’ll set a date—even if that’s what Roman assumes she thinks—but it’ll be a hurdle they’ve gotten over, which means there’ll be one less hurdle in their way.

One hurdle closer to getting their relationship back in sync, to return to how they were, to being married and happy, even if it feels like they’ll never get there in this moment.

“Burgess? Burgess?” Kim is pulled out her thoughts by Innings, him lightly prodding at her. She’s alert straight away, going to her radio, assuming she had missed a call.

She hasn’t, as Innings quickly explains. He had just been talking to her and she had zoned out. He did, at least, apologize for alarming her.

“Sorry, my mind was somewhere else. What was you saying?” Kim really couldn’t care less what he was saying, but the politeness in her overrides.

“Your ring. I was asking if you’re engaged.” Innings indicates to her ring, and Kim smiles down at it for a couple seconds, reliving the happiness she felt when Adam first gave it to her months ago in her memories.

“Yeah, I am.” There’s a slight giddy feeling in her stomach, like butterflies flapping their wings, at the thought of Adam—her fiancé—and it’s the feeling that is what keeps her wanting to wait out this storm—even if she runs away like this on their days off—because surely, if she still feels like that, even if it’s lessened, if it’s hiding more from her, then the relationship is worth fighting for.

“What does he do?” Innings then asks.

“He’s a cop too. A patrol officer assigned to Intelligence.” Kim answers, while thinking that the pride that still swells in her heart as she talks about him is another reason to keep fighting. And suddenly, the guilt over leaving Adam alone on their day off surges and all she wants to do is go to him, to cuddle up and kiss him all over his face in apology—even if he didn’t know she needs to.

“Wow. Snagged yourself a good man, there.” Innings says and she’s annoyed at the words he used, at his tone, how Kim gets the impression that he’s more impressed with Adam’s achievements than he would be hers, but she repeats his words in her mind, because she has, and she wonders if her forgetting that might be the reason for their problems.

Luckily, they get some calls after that, and Kim doesn’t have to deal with just how much Innings irritates her—although his attitude towards the public really rubs her up wrong.

“Kim? I didn’t know you worked nights.” It’s a few hours later, and they’ve stopped into a twenty-four hour diner to get some coffee and a bite to eat and right as Kim gets served, she runs into Bob Ruzek, her future father in law.

As if her night couldn’t get any worse.

Adam’s father is not one of her favourite people, to say the least. She’s accepted that he’ll have to be a part of her life, of her children’s, and that Adam loves his dad but unexpectedly running into him is not something she’s very happy about.

“Bob, hi,” That politeness overrides again, and she greets her future father in law with a smile. For Adam, she reminds herself. He’s Adam’s dad, and Adam’s going to have to deal with the neuroticism that is her mother soon, so she can deal.

“I don’t usually, I’m putting in some overtime. The wedding won’t pay for itself,” Kim answers him, cracking a light smile, laughing slightly.

They chat for a few minutes, nothing too deep or substantial. Kim always wanted to have a good relationship with her in-laws growing up, but she’s glad that Bob seemingly doesn’t want to spend much time getting to know her like she feels towards him. From the corner of her eye, she sees Innings looking at her, and them, clearly trying to work out how they know each other.

“Right, I should be off.” Kim tells him as her food is handed over to her.

“Yeah. Tell Adam I said hi.” Bob nods and she forces a smile, hoping it doesn’t seem strained.

“Will do. Bye—until this Saturday, of course.” She says, referencing their arranged meal. Bob frowns, looking confused.

“What’s this Saturday?”

“The meal with my mom?” Kim prompts him, but Bob’s face is looking blank. Annoyance bubbles up in her, at him forgetting but then dots connect and she realises that Bob isn’t being the worst father in law right now—that he hasn’t forgotten, he just hasn’t been told.

Adam didn’t tell his dad.

Adam lied to her that he did.

“Never mind,” Kim waves him off, casually, even though her world is crumbling around her. They had discussions about how important this dinner is, how it’ll be unpleasant but they need it, and Adam had looked her in the eye and said his dad was on-board.

And he hadn’t even bothered to ask him, to tell him.

Roman had been saying from the start that Adam is just in this for the fun things, not the commitment, not the gruelling stuff. Her partner means well—even if sometimes it feels like he’s being contrary just for the sake of it—and Kim always listens to him because, well, because he’s her partner, but even when Adam failed that push test Roman recommended, she didn’t put much stock in what Roman had been saying.

She really should’ve.

But typical Kim, typical naive, always believing the best in people Kim, thought that even though Adam and her have been out of sync, even though any time any serious conversations comes up it seems like Adam doesn’t listen or pay attention, even though things haven’t been exactly good, Kim thought they both had the same end goal. To be married, happy, in a strong relationship.

Evidently, she was wrong.

Even though Adam has been letting her talk about this dinner. Even though he knows how nervous she is for him to meet her mom. Even though he knew all this, he still looked her in the eye and he lied to her.

Had told her he talked to his dad. Had told her Bob agreed. Had told her all this, had told her that he understood how important this was to her.

He had held her in their—his, because they still haven’t found a place that is theirs—bed and told her this all while knowing he was lying.

Kim spends the rest of her shift in a daze, trying to wrap her mind around this. Trying to process that everything Roman said was right, that Adam isn’t serious, that he doesn’t want to be married, that he doesn’t want to be on the hook.

That Adam’s just prolonging and putting off the wedding, doing everything he can too, because he doesn’t want to marry her.

Even though he was the one who proposed.

Kim’s mind wasn’t even thinking about marriage, before he proposed. Yes, the thought that she would like to—one day—marry him had propped up, of course it had. Adam is sweet, loving. He made her laugh, smile and comforted her when she had nightmares. And he was vulnerable around her, not afraid to show his softness... Of course thinking about making that man her husband had crossed her mind.

But as a serious thought, as a thought to happen at this time... That wasn’t even near close to being a thought in her head into she saw that ring.

Why would he do that, why would he introduce marriage into the equation, if it wasn’t serious about marrying her, about making her his wife and building a life with her?

It’s the morning when Kim’s shift finishes, and Adam’s still slumbering away in their—his—bed when she comes home. Normally, she’d concentrate on how cute, how peaceful he looks when he sleeps but she feels sick at the sight of him, all these thoughts and questions flooding her mind.

There’s room in the bed for her to climb into, but she can’t—she just can’t. Not when she’s just learnt this. She can’t lay her head next to his with betrayal sits in her heart, burning like a fierce woodland fire.

She grabs some spare blankets and pillows and sets up something on the sofa. She knows that when Adam wakes up, and sees her there, he’ll know something is up, something is wrong but Kim can’t find it in herself to care—not even with the knowledge that she had told Adam that she was sleeping for, hopefully, twelve hours today, so he’d know he wouldn’t get an answer to why she was on the sofa for hours.

When Kim comes too, it’s not the uncomfortable sofa lying under her back, but the nice comfortableness of Adam’s bed. She frowns slightly, as she sits up, confused to as she got here. She wonders, briefly, if she had imagined falling asleep on the couch before her mind wakes up properly and she realises that Adam must’ve carried her in here.

A sweet gesture like that would usually dampen the angry fire burning away in her heart but it doesn’t now; she’s too angry for it to. In fact, Kim thinks, it spurs on the fire, adding kindling to the flames, because how dare he move her? How dare he act as if he cares for her, as he clearly doesn’t, if he can look her in the eye and lie to her.

It’s not long before Kim’s heading out the bedroom, going to the living room. Sounds of Adam’s video games rings out and a darkness grips her heart as she wonders if the gesture wasn’t even that sweet, if it’s just because he needed the sofa to play his stupid games.

The gesture did nothing to melt her heart, but the thought of Adam not being motivated with kindness makes it more stony.

Kim is glad she doesn’t enter the room, guns blazing, as when she does, she sees that Adam is not alone, that Kevin is over, playing with him. She normally loves seeing the two most important men in her life hanging out, the sight always making her heart twist, but just like when she woke up in bed, in does nothing for her now.

“Hey, darlin’,” Adam spots her first, glancing briefly away from the TV to give her a smile. Kevin is then greeting her and she wishes she wasn’t so angry that she could even think about greeting Kevin back.

“You’ve been asleep for ages—I’m sorry about taking up all the bed. I assume that’s why you were on the sofa?” Adam continues talking, his eyes still looking at the TV as he does so, having not realised that something is up.

“Adam, stop the game.” Kim’s voice is devoid of it’s usual warmth.

“I will in a sec. Sorry, darlin’, I’m just so close to beating Kev,” Adam still doesn’t realise.

“The game’s not over yet, Ruzek.” Kevin apparently hasn’t either.

“Adam.” The word is chilled. “Turn it off. We need to talk, now. Kev, please, if you could leave.”

The game is paused then, the two turning to look at her. It’s almost comical how identical their oh fuck expressions are, and if Kim wasn’t so angry, so betrayed, so confused, she might’ve laughed at it.

Kevin moves first, quickly scrambling to get his stuff together, clearly seeing she means business. “Yeah, I should get home before Vinessa and Jordan do and wants dinner. Uh, nice seeing you. Bye.”

Kevin is not someone anyone messes with, even Adam having a moment of being spooked by him and the damage he could do to a person. But he looks like nothing more than a timid schoolboy now, as he hurries on out.

“What’s wrong, darlin’?” Adam asks as soon as Kevin shuts the door, having turned off the TV. He rises and he goes to come near here, his arms out, looking concerned. But she steps back, not wanting him anywhere near her.

“Why didn’t you tell your dad about the dinner?” She cuts straight to the point. Kim can see the moment, the oh shit moment, that Adam gets what she’s on about, but he plays dumb because apparently he wants to anger her more.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean. On my shift, I ran into your dad and I mentioned Saturday—only he had no idea what I was on about. So yeah, Adam, I know you know what I mean.” Really, Kim is surprised how even she manages to keep her voice.

“I..uh.. I...” He flounders and Kim’s anger rises.

“It’s a simple question! You had a reason for not telling him, so tell me it.” when continues to flounder, Kim snaps. “Or don’t. It’s okay. I know why—you don’t want to marry me.”

“I—what?” Adam stares at her.

“I knew this was coming, I guess. But just answer me this—why lie? You do realise I’m going to have to tell my mother this? My mother! And she might not be your mother in law, now, but she’s still my mother and god, I thought you’d care enough about me to at least not create another thing for her to hold over me. And what was your end goal, tell me that? What was you going to do, on Saturday, when you needed to explain why Bob wasn’t coming?” Kim rants at him, letting all her hurt and betrayal out.

“I, uh. I was going to say that he cancelled, for overtime?” Adam looks sheepish, his expression showing he knows he fucked up.

“So, let me recap. Instead of just saying you don’t want to marry me you: lied, ensured you’d break my heart, make me think your dad prioritised overtime over his son and his son’s fiancée and what? Was you going to ditch my mom and I, as well?” Kim had thought her last boyfriend had told her the most outlandish lie ever, that she had left those days behind her.

“I’ll admit, it wasn’t very well thought out. But, baby, I promise you, it wasn’t because I don’t want to marry you. I love you, I want to marry you. With all my heart, darlin’, I swear.” She has to admit, with his earnest he sounds, how genuinely distraught he looks, Kim almost believes him.

“If that’s true, then why? Why would you ever lie about this? What do you have to gain from it?!” She asks, desperation and confusion clawing at her voice. Adam runs a hand through his hair, and it takes a few seconds, with a lot of hesitation, but then he’s speaking, explaining himself.

“Because! Because I was scared. Scared that if you really got to know Bob Ruzek, and saw how rude he no doubt would be to your mom, that you’d realise what kind of man he is? That he’s a screw up and not a particularly good man—or dad, honestly—and that... I was scared that you’d see who he really is, and think I’m the same. That you’d jump ship before you got yourself locked in with the junior Ruzek screw-up.” Adam started off loud, desperate, but ends so quiet, so sad it immediately puts out the flames in her heart, and her heart twists and all what she was feeling fades away, her love coming back tenfold and she questions why she ever doubted him.

“Adam. I already know that. Do you really think I like your father? I’ll deal, because he’s your pops, but I know who he really is.” Adam’s head jerks up at her words, a look Kim has never seen on his face before appearing and she realises that he hasn’t quite understood.

“But Adam, Adam look at me,” Kim moves towards him now, gently resting her hands on either side of his jaw, making him look at her. “And I know who you are. I know you’re not your father, because you are not a screw-up. You are a good man. Today? My partner asked about my fiancé, and I was so filled with pride at even the thought of you because I know exactly who you are.”

Kim knows she’s going to have to spend time questioning why she didn’t think to hear Adam out first, she knows it as she says this and realises the answers to all the questions she’s been having lately doesn’t lie in her head, or in the mouth of others like Roman, or even in Adam’s actions that initially confuses her, when she doesn’t give him a chance to explain; the answers aren’t anywhere but in her own heart.

Because she knows Adam Ruzek, her fiancé. And he is a good man, a man who loves her, who would never hurt her. A man who loves her so much that after just a year wanted to make her his wife.

A man who’s not perfect, who’s flawed and human—just like she, and everyone else is. And that means his behaviour will hurt and be confusing, but that doesn’t negate what she knows is in his heart.

“Kim, darlin’. If that’s true, then why would you think I don’t want to marry you? It’s okay, I know I’m a screw up and that I’ve been on borrowed time to have even a bit of you.” Adam says, quietly, resting his forehead against hers and her heart aches, hurts, as she realises just how much he hurts inside, how little he thinks of himself.

And that’s when she knows she doesn’t care when they get married, or move in properly, or any of that—all she cares about is making sure he knows, for the rest of his life, that he’s a good man, a definitely not a screw-up.

“I thought it because I was being stupid. I got caught up in this whole thing, this rut we’ve been in. I probably put more stock in other’s opinions more than what I know in my heart. But, baby, I know now. I promise. I love you,” Kim gently tilts her head to kiss him, softly, on his lips. She used to think the most love was in the passionate, all consuming kisses.

But loving Adam taught her that it’s these kinds of kisses that show the most love. The soft, gentle but oh so filled with love, affection, adoration kisses. The only kisses done when you truly know someone, when you love them all the way down, deep into your bones, your soul.

And that’s how she loves Adam.

#burzek #adam ruzek #kim burgess #chicago pd #kim burgess x adam ruzek #chicago pd fanfiction #fuck bob ruzek #ree writes #ree's.writing

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i-am-extremely-mad · 3 years ago

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It shocks me over and over again when I come across blogs that extremely aggressively, absolutely HATE LOK, Korra, korrasami and practically every character and aspect of the show. I have to share this horror with others because these are just a small part of the awful views from that blog (supposedly feminist and lesbian), interestingly, attitudes about LOK and korrasami were mostly positive or at least neutral in 2014-2015, and then abruptly changed sometime in the middle of last year which coincides with LOK finally being on Netflix, I will probably respond to if I am in the mood for a toxic discussion...

Anonymous asked:

“I think it's a bit hypocritical that you hate Korra's personality and not Zuko's.Zuko is arrogant asshole bitch and you like him. I never see you criticizing him like you do with Korra”

“Zuko is an arrogant asshole bitch, but he’s not annoying. Korra is an arrogant asshole bitch and is very annoying. Hope this helps!”

#asks#anti lok#going to absolutely BLOW YOUR MIND to find out that the quality of the media itself determines how much I like a character#as well as the quality of the characters development#also this isn't math there is no transitive property for liking characters#some hit and some don't#get over it#Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

“As soon as I heard “I’m the Avatar; you’ve gotta deal with it!” I knew I would fucking hate that show. I naturally hate people who are like that. If Bryke was still smart they would have thought to make Korra’s personality more like water similar to Aang with air, not “haha fuck you, I’m avatar haha!”

“LOL YEP like 3 seconds into the show you hear that, and understand EXACTLY what the rest of LOK is going to be like. Not only is a jarring contrast to Aang and every other Avatar we’ve seen, it directly contradicts everything we know about the Avatar cycle from ATLA. All the other Avatars have to be TOLD that they are the Avatar, and have to work hard to master their non-native elements. Korra just naturally being able to bend 3 elements when she’s like 5 tells you everything you need to know about how the creators of LOK went about making their show: worldbuilding and logic don’t matter, it’s all about flashy visuals and one-time gags.”

#asks#anti lok#DISGOSTING#'meh meh if korra was a MAN you wouldn't call her arrogant' I absolutely would#korra being a dickhead is not okay just because she's a woman#Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

“Korrasami is shit,a joke, boring af, they don't have romantic chemistry, asami acts like a big sister towards korra. there I said it for you.”

“OOP! Well, I certainly didn’t say it!”

#asks#anti lok#but ur right#ACTUALLY I disagree on one point#asami doesn't act like a sister to korra#they act like work colleagues that only ever hang out during their lunch break#they act like very distant cousins that only talk on facebook#they act like people that share mutual friends but don't know each other that well#okay I'll stop#Anonymous

“Korra: 1/10, I will see myself out the door to be CANCELLED! Not only was her character very unlikeable, but the way fandom reared up to defend this (quite frankly) terrible character under the guise of “wokeness” when it is clear that the creators sprinkled in just enough ~representation~ to get brownie points without actually saying anything meaningful is just EMBARRASSING. Korra defenders are being manipulated by those cishet white men they hate so much, and they do it gladly. Anyway, I find Korra boring, disrespectful, and underdeveloped.”

#asks#ask game#character ask game#anti lok#SORRY YALL LOK'S CHARACTERS ARE BAD#also korra gives off 'mean feminine lesbian who calls gnc women slurs' vibes#korra and asami would bully me and then call me a homophobe#and kuvira gives off such heterosexuelle vibes I simply CANNOT with her#thetpot

“IT’S SO VILE! Korra is barely even an active character in her own show! She’s just a vessel that gets beaten and broken over and over again. She doesn’t actually get to LEARN from any mistakes that she makes, she’s just forced to recover from these external traumas that have literally nothing to do with her.

Ugh, tbh I feel NOTHING for korrasami. Korra and Asami don’t speak about anything except Mako for most of the show, and only really start actually TALKING to each other in the last half of season 4. None of Korra’s friends really spend that much time together throughout the runtime of the show tbh.

But yeah, it’s frustrating that people tout LOK as this amazing show staring a queer WOC, but the people making the show HATED Korra and HATED developing her in a meaningful way.”

Anonymous asked:

“Korra was like Zuko at the beginning of the show, now she in season 4 is like Aang. Bryke gave kuvira a redemption bc team avatar was missing a Zuko. now she is the new zuko and not Korra.”

Sorry, my brain short circuited. You think Korra???? Is like Aang???? That might be the most offensive thing I have ever received in this askbox.

#asks#anti lok#KORRA IS LIKE AANG#IN WHAT UNIVERSE#HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BOY LIKE THIS#I WON'T STAND FOR IT#Anonymous

“also lock me in lesbian prison but korrasami is WEAK! they didn’t have a single conversation that wasn’t about mako for 3.5 seasons!!! they had zero moments together to indicate that asami would be the only person that korra would write to!!! yall tricked me, I thought I was getting some gay shit.

#anti lok#I SAID WHAT I SAID#korra had more chemistry in her one scene with opal than she ever did with asami”

Anonymous asked:

What do you think of korrasami?

no thank u, I don’t feel like being called a homophobe by a bunch of straight women today.

#asks#anti lok#a hornet's nest I will not be swinging at on this Monday lmao#I hate everything in lok you do the math#I'm sure I've talked about my issues with korrasami on my blog SOMEWHERE#have fun!#Anonymous

Not me seeing posts giving LOK and Korrasami credit for queerness in animation when Steven Universe, Adventure Time, and She-Ra were doing it unapologetically, openly, right from the very beginning....

#anti lok#TESTING MY GODDAMN PATIENCE#if korrasami was individually influential for you as a queer woman that's FINE#but do NOT give this insane credit to the cishet writing team of LOK!!!#not when these other shows were made by ACTUAL QUEER WOMEN#DISGOSTING

Anonymous asked:

if ur looking for an actual well-written canon wlw pairing in the atla verse, there’s rangshi. fc yee works so hard to fix all of bryke’s garbage, bless his soul. i have no hope for anything avatar studios related, but if fc yee is in the writer’s room, then there may be a very marginal chance that the stuff coming out is at least somewhat worthy of being associated with atla. the worldbuilding that he’s done in rise of kyoshi is insane.

I have heard good things about the Kyoshi novels! Unfortunately, LOK is the drop of shit that has poisoned the entire water supply. All ATLA-related works are going to have to be LOK compliant now, which is so deeply restrictive and contradictory to what I liked about ATLA in the first place. I feel like pre-canon stuff is safer (and again, heard AMAZING things about what FC Yee has done with a pre-ATLA world), but I guess I’m too cynical to get really invested in any more ATLA stuff anymore.

#asks#atla#anti lok#put Nat in charge of Avatar Studios and THEN we'll talk#finally get the thotty aang and amazing worldbuilding THAT WE DESERVE#Anonymous

I know, this was awful to see...

#LOK #r/ant #personal r/ant #this fandom sometimes is just... ugh #some people are just so... ugh #some people are just disgusting #Haters gona hate #horrendous #disgusting #pathetic #UGHH

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butlerbarb · 5 years ago

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Comfort (Leviathan x Reader)

i should start by saying sorry for just disappearing out of nowhere. i think i just had too much on my plate and burnt myself out. which then caused me to spiral into a depressive episode and lose all motivation to work on something.

with that being said, i wanted to write something about how i've been feeling as a way to vent it. i also wanted it to be comfy and nice and i really just wanted leviathan to hug me and tell me everything is okay :) i hope you enjoy this very soft and self indulgent fic bc i love leviathan more than anything

also! i am working on requests, so expect those out within the next few days or so!

ily <3

It had been one of those days. Well, really it had been one of those weeks. Those days where you just didn’t want to leave your bed, more comfortable to hide away by yourself as to not bother anyone with how out of it you were feeling. Of course, Lucifer would probably have your head if he found out you were skipping classes, so you went about your days pretending you were fine.

Leviathan had invited you to his room after school, you hadn’t been able to focus on what he was telling you at breakfast – your mind too fuzzy from having just woken up combined with the fuzziness your off mood had brought on. But knowing the otaku demon, it was either anime or a new video game he bought. His enthusiasm and passion for his interests was something that never failed to bring a smile to your face, even when you were feeling down.

Your day at school, thankfully, passed by in a blur. Mammon made a point of bragging about his latest modeling job he scored as he walked you home, trying to convince you to go with him. Naturally, he pouted like a child when you turned him down, whining that you were missing the opportunity of a lifetime! Thankfully he gave up when you told him you just weren’t feeling it, but you would be happy to take him up on the offer another time. He dropped you off at home after that, telling you he’d bring you something on his way back.

You were barely in the door when Leviathan was charging at you from the common room, rushing you into kicking off your schools before he dragged you up to his room. You tried to argue that you still had your RAD uniform on and that he should at least give you a minute to change, but he was hearing none of it. He waited all day for you to get home, he wasn’t going to wait another minute! However, that excuse fell apart quickly when you gave him a set of puppy dog eyes, letting you hurry off to your room on a time limit.

You changed into more comfortable clothes quickly, using up only 3 minutes of the 5-minute limit he gave you. You were back in his room just as he had finished setting everything up. You took note of the snacks that he had set up in different bowls around his room. Wow, you thought, this must be really important. Leviathan usually never went all out like this unless it was mega important.

“What’s all this for, Levi? Seems like a lot for just a few episodes.” You commented, grabbing a handful of chips out of a bowl as you sat down on the edge of the bed. You cringed at how spicy it was, some of the flavors were intense in the Devildom. Leviathan’s eyes widened as he gave you an incredulous look.

“A few episodes!? No, no, no. We’re watching the entire series tonight.” The demon explained as he removed a disk from its packaging and slipped it inside his PC. “This series, 10 Things I’ve Always Wondered About the Demon King: Facts versus Fiction! has been teased for years! YEARS! And they finally released it all at once on DVD. People have been speculating about it for so long and AH! I CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH IT!”

You laughed at his energy, simply nodding as you reclined on his bed. He dove into bed next to you once the opening began playing, delight blooming on his face immediately. You let your head rest on Leviathan’s lower legs, expecting him to jump and practically kick you away, but to your surprise he didn’t even seem to notice. The show had barely started, and he was already lost in it.

It had been a few hours and you were only a few episodes deep. Levi had told you it had multiple seasons with at least 12 episodes each, so you really were going to be there for the night. It had been enjoyable at first, but after a while of mindlessly staring at the screen and reading subtitles, you slowly lost a majority of your interest. Leviathan still seemed fully absorbed, however. You breathed a sigh, stretching your arms above your head. You pulled your legs up onto the bed, crossing them underneath you, resting elbow on your knee, and your chin on the palm of your hand.

You let your eyes wander around the room, head filled with the same fuzziness as this morning. While you enjoyed the anime, and spending time with Leviathan, you knew it would have only been a matter of time before you were back to feeling the same way. You tried to act as normal as possible, not wanting to worry Levi or worse, distract him from the series he had been looking forward to.

You were surprised when the sound suddenly stopped, and you tore your gaze away from on of the anime figures your eyes had been locked on for longer than necessary. Glancing at the screen and then behind you to Leviathan, you raised and eyebrow at the worried look on his face.

“Are you okay?” The blue-haired demon asked, sitting up from his reclined positions to mimic your crossed legs.

“What do you mean? I’m fine.” You replied, giving him a smile, resting your hand on his knee. Leviathan’s eyes narrowed as he shook his head at you.

“You’re not fine! You seemed distracted this morning and it’s the same now. You know you can tell me if something is wrong.”

“Leviathan, I- “

“No excuses! I don’t… I don’t like seeing you upset like this…” He cut you off before you could say anything, mumbling the last part of his sentence as his cheeks flushed a dark red colour. You felt your eyes blow wide as the normally shy demon reached forward, grabbing your free hand as well as the one you had previously rested on his knee.

“Leviathan…” You frowned, watching tears prick the corners of his eyes. Wow, he was really upset about this, huh? You let out a sigh, deciding that if you were going to tell anyone, it might as well be the one who was about to cry out of worry.

“I don’t know, Levi. I’ve just been feeling… off. For the past week. I can’t really describe it. Just sad.” You admitted quietly, your eyes locking onto your joined hands. The silence was unnerving as Leviathan processed your words and suddenly you were extremely uncomfortable.

“Like… depressed?” You nodded in response to his question, eyes briefly flicking up to gauge his expression. He seemed indifferent yet stared at you intently. Your eyes widened as he let go of your hands and threw his arms around you, pulling you into a hug.

“Levi, what…”

“I just! I just want you to know that… You’re not alone and that I… I care about you…” He whispered, burying his face into your hair as he held you tightly. His sudden confession shocked you into silence, all you could do was wrap your own arms around his torso, trying your hardest not to cry. Although even your hardest attempt couldn’t change how overwhelmed you felt, and eventually you were bawling into his shirt, more than likely staining it with tears.

You sat there together for who knows how long, Leviathan happy to let you cry it all out until you felt better. You could have sworn you felt a tear or two hit the skin of your neck, and you fought back a laugh. Leviathan was such a sensitive demon, being brought to tears by the smallest things.

Eventually, your seemingly endless flow of tears came to a stop. You pulled away from him slightly, his arms still wrapped around you as you briefly used the sleeve of your shirt to dry any remaining tears. Levi slowly pulled away, hands resting on your shoulders as he shot you a concerned look. You laughed quietly, wiping at your nose as you sniffled. You smiled at him, nodding a little to let him know you were okay.

He went to pull back, hands slipping off of your shoulder when you stopped him. Placing both of your hands on his cheeks, watching in amusement as his cheeks gained a flushed colour once again. Pulling him closer by his cheeks, you pressed a small kiss to his forehead. You pulled back not a second later, beaming at him happily.

“Thank you, Leviathan.”

BONUS:

The door to Leviathan’s room burst open, scaring the life out of the both of you. Leviathan jumped back, pushing you away from him in surprise. You fell back onto the bed with a laugh, eye drifting over to the intruder.

“Oi! What’re you two doing? Why’re your eyes all red, human?” Mammon, being the ever loud and obnoxious demon that he was, yelled as he stepped into the room. His arms crossed over his chest as he gave Levi a displeased look.

“Are ya makin’ my human cry, Levi?” The older demon accused, pointing a finger at his younger brother. Leviathan rolled his eyes, completely ignoring the Avatar of Greed as he briefly adjusted his fringe.

“Aren’t you the one always making them cry, Mammon?” The Avatar of Envy answered, glaring at Mammon from underneath his now fixed fringe. Mammon gasped, throwing a hand over his chest in mock offence.

“How dare you! I only even make the human happy, ya know!”

“I don’t know about that, Mammon..” You teased lightly, snickering as his face contorted into genuine sadness as he frowned deeply. “I’m joking! Come here, we’re watching anime! We’ve still got tons of snacks!”

Mammon happily dove into the bed next to you, immediately trapping you next to him with one hand, while the other greedily dove into a snack bowl. Leviathan grumbled lowly, rolling his eyes again before shifting into a comfortable position on your opposite side.

You were glad you had such caring demons to help you out when you were at your lowest. You would never replace them for the world.

#obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me!#obey me x reader #leviathan x reader #if you enjoyed feel free to send a request!#i'll post something else from my ao3 in a little so this blog isnt entirely leviathan lmfao

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doc-pickles · 4 years ago

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squeeze cheese, pandemics, & you

AKA the pandemic fic that literally everyone asked for

i still cannot believe that i actually wrote this BUT soooo many people asked me for a freaking pandemic fic that i wrote it. it’s crazy, a little messy, and the sass radiating from levi schmitt fuels my cold dead heart.

i’d like to personally thank @odd-birds-and-booksellers @kidneys4karev @choosingmywife and Nat AKA the “jolex mass grave” chat that bullied me into doing this. they’re also the heart and soul of ‘pandemic jo’ and really brought her and her mannerisms to life. cheers to you ladies, this fic is for you!!

and now... without further ado... the pandemic fic that i wrote most of at 10 pm while slightly tipsy (BONUS POINTS: it’s also another fix it fic bc i am traaaaash hehehe)

“Why do we have a nacho cheese dispenser?”

Jo looked up from her place on the couch, eyeing Levi as he stared at the new machinery in the kitchen. She turned her attention back to the soap opera on TV before answering him.

“Are you complaining?”

“No but-”

“Exactly.”

Settling back into the couch, Jo grabbed the bowl of apples that she had covered in nacho cheese earlier. She had developed a nasty online shopping habit since being in lockdown, but figured since she had sold off a good chunk of Alex’s belongings that she deserved to treat herself.

Worried sick that any exposure to the hospital or any of it’s doctors would harm her, Jo had been on a strict self-quarantine since March. Levi, having to choose between his job or place to live, was forced to reside with Jo full time. The past few weeks had been tough on both roommates, but their bond had been strong regardless of their arguments.

“I’m kind of concerned about your online shopping habit,” Levi sat on the other end of the couch from Jo, a plate of nachos in hand. “Between the nacho cheese machine and the ball pit, I have some questions about the vibe you’re trying to create here.”

“Hey I’ve never had a place to myself. I want to have fun! Let loose! Besides in a few months I’ll have to take care of someone else,” Jo patted her small baby bump affectionately. “I’m trying to be a cool mom and the ball pit was the first step.”

Ah yes, Jo’s unexpected pregnancy and the reason she was so paranoid about staying isolated. Three weeks after Alex had officially left, Jo had realized that he left her much more than just hospital shares and their loft. Four home tests later and a shoe thrown across the loft at Levi (“I’m just telling you Jo, false positives are really ra- OW!”) Jo had indeed confirmed her earlier suspicions.

“Well… for your sanity’s sake, I hope your online shopping doesn’t go completely off the rails,” a knock on the door interrupted Levi’s sentence, his eyes trailing to Jo accusingly. “If that’s another Amazon package, you’re going to have some explaining to do.” “Actually, it’s something even better,” Jo rolled her eyes, standing from the couch and grabbing what had been dropped on the doorstep. “It’s takeout! From the Italian place downtown with the really good spicy meatballs! It’s important that we support small businesses during these trying times.” “You sound like a walking capitalism ad,” Levi groaned, moving from the couch to the dining table and sitting across from Jo. “But if it keeps me well fed I can’t complain about that. Oh please tell me you’re not- yup that is squeeze cheese on the meatballs. That’s not right.”

+ “Hey have you seen- Ow! Why the hell did I just sit on knitting needles,” Levi held up the items in question as he stared down Jo. “Are you an 85 year old woman? When and why did you take up knitting?” “So I can make baby sweaters, duh,” Jo rolled her eyes and bit into her toast. “I’m not that great at it yet, but Helen has been teaching me over Skype. She’s an expert, she helped me make a baby hat but it’ll probably fit a baby doll before an actual human baby.”

“Okay wow, umm so many questions,” Levi pulled a chair over to where Jo was sitting, staring at her quizzically before jumping into his questions. “First, what is on your toast? Secondly, Helen as in your ex mother in law? And third, why are you sitting in the ball pit wearing a bucket hat and a bathing suit top?”

To his credit, Levi was asking sensible questions to Jo. She was indeed sitting in the ball pit she had bought online, eating a piece of toast with some questionable toppings and wearing an old pair of Alex’s boxers and a bikini top, a Seattle Seahawks bucket hat thrown carelessly on her head.

“The toast is nutella, swiss cheese, and strawberry jam, it’s like the trailer trash version of what you get at fondue places,” Jo took another bite as if to emphasize her point. “The bathing suit top is because my boobs are huge and won’t fit into my regular bras. Also my baby bump is growing larger by the day so I can’t fit into anything but sweatpants, but it’s way too hot in here for that. The bucket hat is because I was tired of staring at my unwashed hair in the mirror. And yes, Helen and I have become quite good friends and Skype every Tuesday while you go outside to call Helm for an hour and collect hospital gossip. She’s very excited she’s getting another grandchild and has begged me to come and visit once I bear the heir to the Karev name.”

“So you’re keeping your last name? And passing it onto the baby?”

Jo had spent many nights thinking long and hard about what to do with her last name. She had finally decided to change it but when she had found out she was pregnant, she knew that Alex’s side of the family would be the only real family her child would have. And after crying about it over Skype with her former mother in law, Helen had reassured Jo that she would be more than proud if she and her unborn child carried on the Karev name.

“Yes we’re both going to be Karev’s,” Jo sighed, hand coming down to her bare bump. “I don’t need to explain my decisions to you Levi.”

“Well I’m assuming that if you’re going to be staying a Karev that you’re going to tell Alex?”

Not wanting to answer Levi’s very direct question, Jo began to pelt him with the balls from the ball pit until he walked away towards the kitchen. Jo knew that she should pick up the phone and call Alex, that he had already missed so much of his other children growing up that he deserved to be there for everything for this one. But Jo was still angry and upset at Alex for leaving her alone. If he was still here, he’d probably be sitting in the ball pit with her, cracking jokes about her inability to knit.

But he wasn’t, Alex was halfway across the country and Jo couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone and hear her husband's voice.

“For the last time Levi, I do not need anything from you! Stop asking me! And stop texting Meredith every two minutes!”

Jo walked from the couch to the bed, flopping down onto the surface as she let out a loud sigh. It had been eight weeks since she and Levi had been quarantined together, twelve since she had found out she was pregnant, and seventeen since she had actually fallen pregnant. The constant bouts of morning sickness and mood swings in close quarters with her pseudo friend/ roommate had not been easy, but Levi was being a trooper for his part.

“Come on Jo, Meredith just wants to make sure that you’re okay,” Levi pleaded, sinking down into the couch. “Don’t take her over compensating tendencies out on me.”

For her part, Jo understood where Levi was coming from. She knew that Meredith was over protective of her because of what had happened between her and Alex, but it didn’t mean that the situation bothered Jo any less. She was capable of taking care of herself and the life that was growing inside of her, pandemic be damned.

“Tell Meredith I’m fine and that I’m doing crossword puzzles and going to Zoom therapy sessions once a week,” Jo huffed, hands coming to rest over her eyes as she tried to understand why she had ever thought a one room loft was a good idea. “I don’t need you two hovering over me at all hours of the day.”

A loud banging sounded on the door of the loft, Jo and Levi exchanging looks before Levi scurried to the door to see who was there. The only visitors the two had had in the past few weeks were either Meredith or the grocery delivery guy, neither of which were allowed inside and neither of which pounded their door so loudly.

“Jo! Open the door, I know you’re home,” both Levi and Jo paused at the voice outside the door. Levi, who stood next to the front door, looked to Jo for guidance, but she had no direction to give. “Damn it Jo, open the door. I need to talk to you!” After a nod from Jo, Levi slid the door open, one hand coming up to stop Alex from storming into the loft. The sight of her ex husband for the first time in months made Jo’s stomach flip, her hand coming to cover her mouth so she didn’t scream in shock.

“Sorry, Jo doesn’t let anyone in the loft anymore,” Alex raised an eyebrow towards Levi, his expression angry and ready to challenge him. “Not even Meredith. There’s a pandemic happening, dude.”

Alex rolled his eyes, trailing them towards Jo who stood nervously in the kitchen now. If you knew her well enough, you could tell that her figure had changed in the past few weeks. Her breasts had filled out and her face was fuller because of the slight amount of weight she had put on. Alex couldn’t see from where he stood, but he assumed that her stomach had begun to curve outwards as well.

“Jo, I need to talk to you,” Alex wanted so badly to step closer to his ex wife, but he knew that Schmitt would try to stop him no matter what he did. “Mer called me, can we please talk?” Jo peaked around the corner of the kitchen, eyes taking in Alex’s nervous form. His stubble had grown out, his eyes seeming more tired than usual as they scanned over her body. A subconscious hand floated down to her stomach, Jo shielding her unborn baby from the fight that was about to ensue.

“You can do it from there, Alex,” Jo responded, eyebrows furrowing as she stared Alex down. “You can’t come in unless you’ve quarantined yourself for 14 days and you’ve been tested for COVID-19.”

“Leave it to you to be paranoid during a freaking pandemic,” Alex groaned, one hand coming up to run through his hair. He had driven straight through from Kansas to Washington, only stopping to pee on the side of the road every few hours. “Are you okay? You're…. feeling healthy and what not?” Schmitt, who had been quiet up until then, rolled his eyes in Alex’s direction. After spending every moment of the day with Jo, he knew that the question would piss her off to no end, regardless of who was asking it. He turned to her briefly, noting the pissed off expression on her face, then turned back to Alex.

“Jo is perfectly fine, she has been for the past few months without you,” Levi’s voice was firm and defiant to whatever Alex might counter him with. “And furthermore, I don't think either of us appreciate you showing up here unannounced. We are, may I remind you, in the middle of a pandemic.”

“I’m fine, Alex,” Jo took a step forward, coming further into Alex’s line of sight. Alex’s eyes trailed up and down her body, finally taking in the bump that had appeared on her normally flat stomach. “I do want to talk, I promise, but I can’t risk my health or… or our baby’s health right now. So come back in two weeks and I promise I will talk to you.”

The glare that Alex sends towards Schmitt sends the younger man reeling back, grasping for the door handle as he tries to shut Alex out of the loft. However, the older man’s voice rings through one last time before the door shuts completely. “I’m coming back for you, Jo,” Alex calls out, voice urgent and waiting for his lost love to hear him. “I’m coming back and you can’t stop me.”

Door firmly shut and locked, Levi turned to Jo, who seemed to be brimming with an odd mixture of anger and sadness. She ran her hands through her hair once, finally letting out a scream as she flopped back onto her bed.

“Well shit,” Jo groaned, hand slipping down the cradle her baby bump. “That’s just about the last thing I needed.”

“Did you order breakfast? Because this is delicious.”

Jo stepped out of the bathroom, eyes narrowing as she took in Levi and the huge bag of food in front of him. She hadn’t ordered anything, but since the bag was clearly labeled from her favorite diner, she could only assume where it had come from.

“Pretty sure you know who sent this,” Jo reached into the bag and grabbed a breakfast burrito, unwrapping it and slathering it in Easy Cheese and hot sauce. “I want to be mad about that, but I really can’t. This is the best thing I’ve eaten in awhile.”

“It’s been five days, has he said anything to you,” Levi asked, eyes cautiously floating to Jo. While they’d grown closer in quarantine, the one thing that Jo never wanted to talk about was Alex. Now that he was here though, Levi thought that maybe she would be more open about the subject.

“He’s texted a few times, assured me that he’s staying by himself and that he hasn’t even seen Meredith,” Jo shrugged, one hand coming down to touch her stomach. The once small bump had seemed to balloon in the past week, almost as if her unborn child was trying to show off for their father. “She’s mad at me now, saying that my paranoia is interfering with their friendship. But we haven’t really talked yet.”

To be fair, Alex had been texting Jo a lot since he had showed up at their door and confirmed with his own two eyes that she was pregnant. And if she wasn’t lying straight to Levi’s face currently, she would tell him that she had been texting Alex back. They had talked mostly about the baby, the rest of the world being a subject neither of them wanted to broach. Kansas hadn’t come up either, but Jo had a feeling that maybe everything wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows if Alex hadn’t hesitated in showing up at her door.

“I think it says a lot that he came back, you know,” Levi shrugged as he grabbed a tater tot from the bag and popped it into his mouth. “I mean he said he left for his kids but the first word he hears about you he drives all the way here. That’s a good man for you.” “Well he wouldn’t have had to drive all the way back if he didn’t go there in the first place,” Jo huffed angrily, dropping the rest of her burrito onto the table with a frustrated groan. “I’m going to take a shower.” “You just took one,” Levi countered, a confused look appearing on his face.

“Well unfortunately that’s the only place in this stupid loft that I can sit in silence,” Jo exclaimed, hands coming up in an angry gesture. “If you make it out of here alive it’ll be a miracle, Schmitt.” + “I swear if you don’t back up right now, I’m going to lose my mind!” “Okay but you’re-”

“I told you I’m fine Schmitt, back up!”

The raised voices alarmed Alex as he approached the loft, bringing his keys out to unlock the door instead of knocking. Relieved to find that Jo hadn’t changed the locks, Alex slid the door open and stepped into the loft unnoticed by the bickering roommates.

“I just think if you’re in pain you should go in,” Levi’s hands were held up defensively as he stood in front of Jo. “I’m no expert on pregnancy, but that can’t be a good sign.” “You’re in pain? What’s wrong?” Both Levi and Jo whipped around at the sound of Alex’s voice, the latter holding a hand firmly against her stomach. The glares that she was shooting in his direction didn’t go unnoticed by him, but he brushed it off as he was overwhelmed with worry for Jo. Alex noticed that even in the short time it had been since he had seen her last, Jo’s bump seemed to have grown.

“You shouldn’t be here. I’m fine,” Jo tried to sound convincing but her voice faltered as she winced. “Seriously I’m okay. Stop looking at me like I’m some shelter puppy that’s about to be put down. I can take care of myself, I’ve been doing it for awhile now. And you need to get out of here, you’ve only been quarantined for like a week.”

Despite her best efforts, Jo had exhausted herself scolding Alex and felt breathless almost immediately. Settling her free hand on the arm of the couch, Jo tried to be inconspicuous as she sat down, but both men next to her were watching her closely.

“Where does it hurt,” Alex asked as he sat next to Jo, unfazed by her outburst at him.

“I told you I’m fine!”

“She’s been breathless and clutching her lower right quadrant for about half an hour,” Schmitt offered up, Jo immediately tossing a throw pillow in his direction. “I’m trying to be helpful! You haven’t been in pain this whole entire time.”

“Go be helpful in the bathroom Schmitt! I don’t need both of you hovering around me and I know that he won’t leave,” Jo gestured to Alex vaguely as she took another deep breath, leaning over as she clutched her stomach again. “Go!”

Levi ran off, Jo letting out an aggravated sigh as soon as he left the room. A few tears sprinkled Jo’s cheeks as she rubbed her hand into her stomach.

“I’m fine I just… can’t catch my breath and my stomach has some localized pain,” Jo didn’t fight Alex off when he placed his palm gently next to hers, his larger hand almost covering her whole bump. “I’m okay, I swear I’m fine. The baby’s fine and it’s okay and nothing is wrong.”

As Jo rambled more, her tears began to fall harder, breaths coming in short gasps as she leaned her head against Alex’s shoulder. Doing his best to comfort and assess her at the same time, Alex rubbed his hand gently against her stomach. A few light kicks met his hand, tears threatening to fall as Alex felt his child move for the first time. Once he was satisfied that Jo had calmed down, he spoke up, sure his crooked grin was showing in full force.

“Well, you’re not dying,” Alex chuckled, his fingers moving lightly against Jo’s stomach as he explained what she was feeling. “Baby’s lodged up here, in your rib, and when they kick, they knock the air out of your lungs. I can feel their head down here, which means their legs are stretching out and kicking up towards your diaphragm. That’s why you feel so out of breath. If you’re lucky, I can try and coax them out of their tight spot.”

Jo barely nodded, eyes closed as she continued to lean against Alex and take deep breaths. He moved one hand up to where he felt the baby’s feet and gave a slight push, Jo groaning loudly as they shifted. Alex waited a moment, grinning when he felt a small kick against the lower left side of Jo’s stomach.

“Oh god,” Jo let a gasp out, eyes flying open as she laid her hand over Alex’s. “Oh, I can breathe again! I haven’t been able to breathe since 2 AM. Jesus that feels so much better.”

Alex took Jo in with a sense of awe, observing all of the changes he had missed about her. She had cut her hair short again, the locks just brushing her shoulders, and her cheeks had filled out more. The way she had eased into her pregnancy made him smile, knowing that she had always had a maternal instinct hidden underneath her hard exterior. Alex eyed the chain across Jo’s neck that held two silver rings, but said nothing about it.

“Easy trick, just remember that if they get themselves twisted around again. Your OB didn’t show you that,” Alex watched Jo turn her head towards his shoulder, burying her face and mumbling something incoherent. “I can't hear you when you’re hiding your face like that.”

“I haven’t been to my OB,” Jo muttered, eyes focusing on Alex’s hand that still sat under hers. “Not since I confirmed I was pregnant.”

“You’re a doctor, you know better than that,” Alex knew that Jo would never avoid something this important without a reason, so he didn’t go into a full on rant like he wanted to. “Why haven’t you gone in, Jo?”

“Because I can’t leave the house! I’m so scared that if I leave something will happen to the baby and,” Jo inhaled deeply, her free hand coming up to wipe at her eyes. “This baby is the only thing keeping me sane, it’s the last connection I have to you… and I just can’t risk that. I’ve already hurt too much this year, I don’t need more heartbreak. I’m a doctor, I’ll know if something is wrong and I can go in then. I’m fine here, I don’t need to leave.”

Alex stared at Jo for a long moment before pulling her fully into his embrace. He knew the way he had left her was cruel, but at the time his brain had been so turned around that he couldn’t see another option than breaking the heart of the woman he loved most.

“Izzie is remarried. She… her kids call him dad and he’s uh, he’s a good guy. She said that I can bring the kids here for a few weeks during the summer if I wanted to but I don’t belong in Kansas,” Alex pulled back and looked at Jo, tears streaking down her face and wide eyes staring up at him. “I’m sorry Jo, I know I screwed up and I should’ve just talked to you when I found out but I was so freaked out that I just… ran. But I wanna be here, with you and this baby and I wanna take care of you. It’s always been you, Jo.”

Jo sniffled, both hands running over her face quickly in an effort to dry some of her tears. She fixed Alex with a serious stare, eyes meeting his for the first time that day.

“You have a lot of making up to do. And you’re gonna have to be the one to kick Levi out,” Jo motioned towards the bathroom, where she could hear faint cheers echoing from. “And… if you promise to get me cheesecake afterwards, I will go to see my OB this week.”

“I told you,” Levi strutted out of the bathroom, a satisfied smirk on his face. “That’s a good man you have there.”

“Oh shut up!”

#jolex #alex karev #greys anatomy #jo wilson #jo karev #jo x alex #jolex fanfic #nina writes #jolex fic #grey’s anatomy fanfic

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jungshookz · 5 years ago

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cee!!! i had surgery today and it was so scary bc they wouldnt let my mom or anyone else come in with me and i had to spend basically the entire dAY in the hospital without her and i was so worried abt getting sick from something there ANYWAY i was wondering if you could write smth lil and cute with any of your characters for me to read while i recover 🥺

i hope your surgery went well and that you’re recovering nicely my friend!!!!!! i’m sorry u didn’t have anyone with you :-(((( but i’m hoping this snippet of an unreleased drabble will make you feel better!! as some of u may know uni!yoongi and y/n already had their big ‘i like u’ moment over christmas BUT this drabble was actually their original ‘i like u’ moment!!!

OMG UNI YOONGI TALKING TO LISA TO MAKE OC JEALOUS BUT Y/N GETS A LIDDOL UPSET BC LISA'S SO PRETTY AND SO PLAN BACKFIRES AND YOONGI IS LIKE OHNO

yoongi is not used to this

and by this he means you

and by you he means he doesn’t understand why you don’t seem to be as into him as he much as he’s into you and it’s weird because (not to toot his own horn or anything) he thinks he’s preTTy good at wrapping people around his dainty pinky finger and it just doesn’t seem to be working with you!!

did that sentence even make any sense??

does anything even make any sense????

“-i guess, to answer your question, i don’t really know what to do which is weird because i’m usually pretty confident with everything that i do. you know?” yoongi sighs and shakes his head

the cashier blinks owlishly at him

all she asked him was ‘how are you doing today?’

“so… are you going to order anything or…?

see????

look what you’ve doNE TO HIM

you’ve brOken him and he doesn’t know how to fix himself

“…one medium iced vanilla cold brew, please.”

anyone who’s said that you can’t be friends with your ex obviously didn’t have a meaningful relationship with them

because yoongi and lisa are doing just fine!

he takes a history course with her

he didn’t actually knoW they were in the same class until he was (very) late to class one day and the only seat left was next to her

and they get along great!

they don’t hang out outside of class but they get along inside of class which is what matters

“hey, did you happen to get the notes from the last slide? i missed some of the last bullet points-“ lisa grabs yoongi’s notebook and huffs when she sees that all he has on this page are some half-assed notes and a lot of doodles “you are of no use to me.”

“it’s all part of my charm, baby.” yoongi sighs and leans back against the squeaky seat

and then it hits him

he knows what to do to get you to talk to him

he’s spent the last 40 minutes of class thinking about your cuTe face and how he’s going to get closer to you but something about what lisa said just inspired him

he needs a catalyst of some kind

he needs to.,.,., to catalyse yoU!

(he learned that word from chemistry but he’s not sure if he’s using it correctly)

yoongi nudges lisa’s side and she scowls before nudging him back harder

“oW- cut it out-“

“you started it-“

“will you just shut up-“

“yoU shut up-“

“i need your help with something.” yoongi hisses as he begins to scribble the plan down on his notebook so that lisa can read it instead of him having to whisper it to her in its entirety

he’s not of use to her but she’s vEry much going to be of use to him

he now knows exactly what to do

>:-)

“if you keep bouncing your leg like that i won’t hesitate to slice it off with this flimsy wooden pathetic excuse of a knife.” jimin leans over to poke the tip of the dull knife into your forearm and you scowl before swatting his hand away

“i can’t help it, you knoW i get jumpy when i’m nervous.”

god

you feel itchy

is it hot in here??

or is it just you??

hopefully your armpits aren’t sweaty

nothing kills the mood more than swampy pits

am i right ladies

“y/n, you know he likes you back-“

“no, actually, i don’t know that.” you shake your head before leaning over to peek at the entrance of the cafeteria doors again “he’s never explicitly stated that he likes me back so i can’t just go around-“

“he doesn’t need to tell you! he- he literally spooned you in the middle of class aND he made me give up being your partner for the presentation so that he could be your partner instead.” jimin raises a brow when you look back at him

“…and your point is?”

he groans quietly and rolls his eyes

how can someone so smart be so stupid at the same time

here’s what’s happening

you think you’re finally going to do something about your feelings for yoongi (gross)

you actually weren’t planning on doing anything today but somehow jimin convinced you to be a good idea

anyways

you’re going to ask yoongi if he’d like to join you (and jimin) for lunch!

it’s not a big step but at least it’s somEthing

pls let me know if u wanna read the whole version because it’s actually so cute :-((

#uni!yoongi #uni!yoongi drabbles #baby drabbles #answered

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yyxgin · 3 years ago

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no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ��should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!!

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!!

ily <333

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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clayfaced · 5 years ago

Text

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

ily @hopeisthewholepoint i was doing this a while ago and then the draft didn’t save so this is about 30 years late by now whopps. ily thanks for tagging me tho. ❤

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

My girl Edrisa Tanaka from Prodigal Son bc we’re both socially awkward but at least she’s unapologetic about it. I want to say I have Sam Wilson’s humor and I too do what everyone else does just slower. Raymond Holt because I love fluffy bois and I’m down to fight anyone who says anything bad about my pets. Ben Wyatt because we’re both human disasters and I like making dumb stuff when I’m bored.

2. Aesthetic

Playing pool terribly with friends, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, colorful rain jackets. Balloons, music playing from car radios, collecting movie ticket stubs. Painted nails, open windows, and fish stamps on postcards. The smell of fresh basil.

3. Favorite musical/play? (If you’ve never seen a musical or play, one you’d be interested in seeing?)

Come from Away. Hands down. Though I will say I saw recordings of the National Theater’s Frankensteins recently and both are very good but the Miller-as-the-creature version is especially good.

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Okay this is a bit of an unfair question bc I die at any and all compliments. But one that I thought of today /a couple days ago/ a long time ago when i started writing this that made me happy again was when someone I'm in a club with let me borrow his camera to take pictures during a performance. I hadn't taken pictures in a while and I had so much fun and I don't really contribute to the club so I finally felt like I had purpose. It was hard to see how they came out on the camera but the next time I saw him he said they came out really well and someone else said that he's normally picky when it comes to photos but he liked mine so that made me feel even better and it was overall a very nice time. It wasn't even really the compliment (I mean, it still was but) it was also just the gesture to offer a camera when he heard I liked taking pictures. I didn't have my camera with me until after this and it really made me remember how much I liked it. Anyways he graduated and hasn't been in the club since last semester so I never see him but it made me v happy.

5. How many times have you been in love?

Miss me with that romantic love but I fall in love with friends and people and every little thing everyday.

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

Bold of you to assume I've recovered from anything embarrassing ever.

This is a bit of a cheat bc it was always funny but my middle school PE uniforms had words and definitions on the back of the shirts (no i don’t know why) and mine said “final: adj. last in place” or something like that and you know what? it was RIGHT.

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

Probably Up. Idk I don’t really have one.

8. Favorite flower or plant?

Probably triostar plants because they’re cute and pink.

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

Halloween 🎃! I love the idea that kids are going bonkers and getting candy and having a good time. And I love that it gives not-children people a chance to dress up and have fun and take themselves less seriously for a day.

EDIT: NO ONE TOLD ME I MISSED QUESTIONS 10-14. NO ONE LOOK AT THIS .LOOK AWAY. IM FIXING IT. HOW DID I MISS FIVE WHOLE ENTIRE QUESTIONS. SMH.

10. Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

This meme dee just sent me a minute ago. I had a socially-distant dinner with a couple of my friends whomst I love a lot on Saturday and it was very nice to see their beautiful faces in person again and I love them a lot. Time isn’t real I don’t know what happened this week. I set up the Xbox again and I’ve played a little little bit of Assassins Creed (which Im very bad at) and Skyrim (which im only a little bad at) and that’s been fun. Bonus answer of dee, nina, and I have been watching 911: Lone Star together and it’s v v fun.

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

That is way too hard of a question to definitively answer. My music taste varies so wildly and my favorite song is usually the one I've obsessively listened to the last. Using that logic: Bang! by AJR or Wake Me by Bleachers. Or Chris Martin’s cover of Shelter from the Storm by Bob Dylan. Yeah. The last one.

12. Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

Being a passenger in a car with music playing though that doesn’t really happen when I’m stressed. I wouldn’t say peaceful because when I’m not good at that when I’m stressed and most of the time when I’m stressed I have too much stress inside of me so I would rather get it out than be peaceful. So I just put earbuds in and listen to music too loudly so I don’t have to hear anything around me and I can just sort of release all pent up energy with the music and calm down.

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

I’m studying film! I’m technically undeclared but I’m hoping to declare soon. :-). Yes I’m going to be unemployed and leech off of dee for the rest of our lives thanks for asking.

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

Um. Definitely sneakers (by default my white ones because I only have one pair) because I like being able to Move. Same reason for my black pants bc they’re not restricting at all and comfy. And then probably my gray sweatshirt which dee will murder me for saying bc it means I have zero (0) colors in my outfit but it comfy. I like having colors but I feel more comfortable in more neutral colors.

15. What is a quote you live by?

Oof oof I don’t know. I think there are a lot of quotes I want to live by and then I forget about them so if I am living by a specific quote, it’s not consciously. I reblog a lot I like to my words tag or text tag, and this one:

“‘Do you fall in love often?’ Yes often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, a cat, with numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all.” (Jeanette Winterson)

explains me very well. I don’t know that it’s something I live by because it’s just a state of my existence but it me.

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

I wish I had funnier playlist names. One of them is living room couch alone for a very specific mood when it's after 10 o'clock and everyone else is asleep and I'm in the living room alone on the couch and I'm not tired and time doesn't feel real. It's a good mood. I also have one called new york times which isn't funny I just like it.

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

“you know why we do this?" *snap with one hand* "because we can’t always get our arms free to do this” *dramatic arching snap with both hands*

But that one’s not with dee ( @mrrmiracle ) so give me one sec to think of something else too. Ok here we go:

"that Andrew Garfield movie"

18. What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

Stop overthinking and start doing. You can’t sit at home sad your friends aren’t hanging out with you if you never ask them to hang out. Initiate things. Its not as scary as it seems. Also for the love of all things holy please form good habits now. Form all the good habits I have none and I’m tired.

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

um my cats :// im just kidding it’s @mrrmiracle obviously.

20. What’s a secret dream of yours?

Um lol to not be alone. To be employed doing something I enjoy and make enough money to support myself. If I put lol will this sound less sad.

I’m tagging @mrrmiracle, @grayson-dick @valleydean and @daredeviil and if anyone else wants to do it just say i tagged you and i’ll edit it to include you 👀. i just get anxious tagging people bc i don’t want to annoy people and i never know who wants to be tagged or not.

#thanks for tagging me!!#ilu nina #tag game #you dont have to do it if i tag you obviously i just didn't know who to tag #uhh lemme know if you do or dont like being tagged and i'll continue or stop tagging you #not fandom

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years ago

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anon: The artist @franeridart answers all of their asks in one mass post with a read more link so maybe you could try that as well. That way you could answer everyones ask but not spam anyones dash with all of your replys

you genius anon, and you genius artist! I just feel like as of late I have been getting a lot more things in my askbox, and I dont want to overwhelm anyone with spam. so, I will be creating these! unless it’s for y’all thirsty hoes asking for extra parts or whatever from very recent posts, expect this to happen every so often! the rest will be below cut. also first time using photoshop? how’d I do yall??? and also like.... let me know if you like this idea??? if not i’ll just resort to spam :)

@your-parental-figure : IK BUT DETECTIVE GUY CONSIDERED BOTH TOKOYAMI AND KIRI TO BE ALL MIGJTS SUCCESSOR DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MENT??? THAT MOMENT WATERED MY CROPS, CLEARED MY SKIN AND SOLVED WORLD HUNGER

oh season four episode one, you may have been a filler, but you made me so happy to watch. honestly ngl, I was pretty surprised when he said kiri, not because he has no potential, but because it seemed like the top 4 from the sports festival, bUT FUCK YEAH KIRI AND TOKOYAMI!!!!! IN A DIFFERENT WORLD IT COULDVE BEEN THEM!!!!!

anon: Makeup smut for villain Deku should be good. 100% tender, no chicken

honestly, my favorite thing at this point is seeing you all crumble in fear if i’ll even give you a happy ending, and tbh idk if it will be for villain!deku >:)

@ohmycolie: So it’s Saturday night and I’m just sitting at home 🤦🏼‍♀️ could you maybe do a scenario where Bakubaby and Kiri decide to bring Kami into their sexcapades and after their little adventure Kiri is like “can we keep him?” 🤤💕

hi bby, while I can imagine something of this sort I am only a “x reader” blog :( so while its good thirst, I won’t be writing anything about it, sorry :( ily tho!

@michealsheep: Honestly is shiggy ended me after an intense nut like that I’d just thank him

honestly, I want shiggy just to end me??? whatta way to go. death by fucking nut.

bigdickkiri: I don’t get ship wars. Why do people wanna be so mean? It’s so easy to not be a part of any a that.if everyone appropriately tagged their posts, blacklisted rags they don’t like and didn’t act bitchy then they wouldn’t be an issue. - bigdickkiri

neither do I honestly. they’re just people looking for drama at this point, and it’s like... come on... you’re 25... stop

bigdickkiri: What a fantastic evening to tell my favourite writers that I adore them and that they're amazing! Look after yourself and have a gorgeous day! ❤️💙❤️💙 - bigdickkiri

I’m literally the worst. but um, I adore you so much, and I think you’re amazing!!!!! its 2am rn, but I can’t sleep anyways

🍒💥anon: Girl, your blog is having a glo up!!! I love it!! So pretty 👌 How are you doing today? Are you taking care of yourself? *sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way* -🍒💥

teehee, thank you for noticing!!!!!! i’m not 100% happy with it rn, but I haven’t had the time to get it perfect!!! wait a few more weeks and when I have actual down time, im fixing it >:) also, I am doing well, a lot of caretaking today! I never take care of myseld! *accepts the good vibes and virtual hugs because I am touch starved*

anon: I'm part of the protect uraraka squad!!! ♡

me too boo! you wanna fight me on my mochi loving girl meet me on the corner of my fists and in your faCE!!!!! (is this considered cyberbullying?)

anon: WTF @ THAT ANGST I M SAD NOW

this was in regard to my fic “because of you” which I posted because I was in a crying mood. HAHAHAHAHA YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD I WINNNNNNNN

@joyfullydawn: I just wanted to say you're heccin' amazing??? The fact you named that roommate one "And they were roommates" I just--yes. This is more than ok. This is excellent. Please keep being awesome aaaa

and they were roommates was the first series I had, and the thing I did in celebration for 100 followers.... jesus that feels so long ago and not in fact less than two months ago!!!!!!!!!!! maybe I should reblog my old works so you newer lovely followers can read them!!!!!

anon: would u ever do a part 2 to under the mistletoe with aizawa? its so sad and i just want them to be HAPPY

I am planning on doing it!!!!! it’s in my requests, so no worriesssss ;)

hermana anon: hermana that todo angst 🥺🥺you’re literally the best angst writer jdjdbd

okay but for real do I write actually good angst??? asking for a friend..... and HGAIGHJIAORGHUOG THAKN YOU FOR THAT COMPLIMENT!!!! PLEASE RECOMMEND ME ANGST FICS BECAUSE I LOVE CRYINGGGG

🍒✨ anon: this has literally nothing to do with anything that’s on your account right now but do you think that dabi sends shoto happy birthday messages? i like to think he does because even if he’s a villain, he still lowkey care about his siblings - 🍒✨

this was from a very long ass time ago, and im sorry I never responded to you sparkle cherry anon, but I definitely do believe that he sends birthday cards. with his baby bro’s increase in his fangirl club, he now is unafraid to send shouto a card. its always the only one that catches shouto’s attention when he goes through them because they’re weirdly personal. shouto, being a smart yet dense idiot, believes its someone in the class pranking him.

~ I won’t be posting these messages, but they were from awhile ago when I was hitting a rough patch with my insecurity as a writer and my ability to give my all to you. there are many of you, 19 messages in total, where you told me why you loved my writing. I never responded to them because they make me cry even now looking back at them. to each and every anon, I thank you for saying those kind words. to @saladsharkz, @thecryingsombra, @olivenight17, @shutupwylow, @expressyourstarstruckrebel, and @awkward-theaterkid thank you as well. there is another non anon, but they asked not to be revealed. thank you so sososo much.

~ I will not be posting these as well, because again, drama from awhile ago. but this was in regard to the anon who did not like the kinklist I had created for kinktober. while now I think I am doing a pretty damn good job, and no one has said otherwise, to the 2 anons, @connors-my-boy, and bigdickkiri, thank you for fighting an anon that was never your responsibility to take <3

@w0w-s0-3dgy: u make me uwu so much🥺❤️ I LOVE YOUR PAGE BABE I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!

BBY I LOVE YOU AND I AM DOING WELL NOW!!!!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY PAGE LITERALLY WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!?!??!!

anon: You followed me and idk if it was just to be nice or if you want to be friends or what hdhakanskenebdhsiq

im starting to follow back people that make me happy. it’s been awhile since ive been on a followspree, but I follow you back when i see kind messages from you, when I see that you’ve liked so many of my horrible posts, when you reblog my things with the most amazing tags. I follow you because I want to be your friend, you’re always welcomed to be my friend!!! hell you can literally be like “bitch listen to this” and never once having spoken to me I will respond with “give me the fucking chisme my queen”

anon: *gives u an encouraging and comforting yeehaw*

now.... now I can conquer the world, thank you

anon: Hi! I love the way you're writing things for kinktober, and I'd personally love if you could reblog what you're writing multiple times because I'm at uni most of the day so I miss out on a lot. Pd. I absolutely adore your writing! Please keep up ❤

I AM TRYING TO REBLOG MY STORIES NOW BUT OMGNGSOUHFIPA YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE?!?!?!??!?!?!

heathers anon: Its the anon who sent the Dabi heather au. I send it because i know your popular and a lot of popular blogs check your blogs. And I honestly struggle with other blogs because they ignored most of my asks.

teehee, I appreciate you thinking im a popular blog and that other popular blogs check mine, but thats not true!!! sorry for never responding back, but i’m sure they’re not meaning to ignore you on purpose. there’s just so much happening things get buried!

@sinnaminsvga : we're both alyssa so it's really interesting to see the nicknames u use bc i see you use lyssa and i got the nickname ari and i think that's pretty neat how we both have the same name but wildly different nicknames

it don’t matter, we be alyssa twinsies!!!!!!!!!!

anon: I was just going through your master list, cause I’m in a stunning mood and why not make a good mood better? and I saw bakugous “sickness and that word I can’t spell” got hella happy for a sec CAUSE YES THAT WAS SO ADORABLE AND I LOVED IT. Then I remembered the heart shattering angst that came with Todos side. So like. Ily but you a meanie.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA WE LOVE SUFFERING!!!!!! I just... really have a thing for angst it seems... don’t tell my followers though, im in denial over it...

#ask lyssa anything #lyssa doesnt shut up #anonymous #hermana anon #big dick kiri anon #heathers anon #dabi headcanons #thank you all so much I do love and appreciate every single one of you out there :)

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ghosty-schnibibit · 5 years ago

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much earlier in the day than usual taz liveblog! ^o^

the only reason this is going up so early is i haven’t slept yet lmao, i fixed my sleep schedule for about a month and then went right back to being nocturnal.

i've spent the last four nights or so staying up til around ten in the morning binging the magnus archives (i'm about halfway through season three right now) and enjoying the hell out of it. for anyone who followed me bc of my taz liveblogs, rest assured i'm still going to be keeping up with graduation and taz in general :P

without further ado, here we go!

i fucking forgot about “thundermen”

awww, argo made friends with the kitty ^u^

snippers my sweet prince

"i think i take a great deal of delight in that" fitzroy you lil bastard man ilu

clint asking the important questions here lol

you've just described hell travis

did clint already forget the name of the school

jesus that's depressing argo

god i wish i'd had a gary during college to remind me of stuff

i vill tell you the story of melon

i love firbolg and argo so much, they are my favorite best of friends

aww firbolg ; _ ;

fitzroy i am suspicious of where your folks even are

yes fitz get your cloak back you silly boy

i love firbolg so much holy shit

i hope we get to see the boys hang out over spring break, that sounds like a fun episode

"that's good narrative!" travis ilu

oh god the capitalism owl is back

“i vill not do this thing” mood

justin's about to hit us with that sad shit i just know it

called it ; _ ;

... well damn that made me sadder than i expected

i'm still very suspicious about that dog

fitzroy you dumb little shit ilu

make sure higglemis isn't pulling a sazed lmao

you are being very paranoid fitz but that’s okay

"you don't curse well" he's a good sweet boy

jesus christ fitz maybe don't say this to the dude in charge of the school

fitzroy my sweet boy what is your deal, please tell us

... so fitzroy basically wants a venue to prove himself to be a good person that doesn't revolve around performance and artifice. he wants a way to gain power on his own merits without relying on status to boost him up, and felt knighthood was a better way to accomplish that than going to a school where he’s basically being trained to fit a specific role in life

i can see where higglemis is coming from with his worldview given that he's been forced to play second fiddle to his brother for so long

i have a sneaking suspicion that hieronymus thinks he can better manipulate or keep fitz under his thumb in the villian track

fitzroy you dumb himbo baby, my sweet stupid son who i love so much

well that was fucking tense as hell, jesus fuck

yes, on to my sweet boy

c r e e e e e p y

ilu jackyl

why would he want a pocket watch though?

i feel significantly better in argo's ability to do challenge this now that there aren't any life altering consequences

this is going well so far

argo this is such a dumb plan, you are smarter than this my boy

"i'm drawing a word picture" ilu clint

argo this is a dumb and bad plan and you need to roll for this!!!

clint my sweet son

yeah!!! that is how it works!!!

A R G O W H A T T H E F U C K

i cannot fucking believe that worked holy shit

idk if it's just because the creepy voice is gone but i'm trusting jackyl more and more

ARGO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

take your caffe back to chicago

he got a fuckin tattoo holy shit

what is this reference justin

argo is deeply committed and i love it

this whole bit has been so good

oh damn that was quick edit, holy shit, i didn't even realized we were going into the money zone

there we go, there's the regular intro, i missed it

yay! my favorite girl's birthday :D

awww, argo and firbolg being bestest buds is so wonderful

a knight's tale is the only one of those movies i've seen, please juice don’t dunk on me like this

i know i keep saying this over and over but i love their friendship so much, it warms my heart dearly

fitzroy my sweet boy, he cannot cuss for the life of him

"as partners" y'all

i love them so much, my sweet loves

god this is cute as shit, i am sold, i am sailing away on the fitzrain ship

... argo were you about to give her the same thing???

argo where the fuck did you- oh okay, nevermind lol

oh firbolg my sweet son

oh my god this is the best holy shit

rainier is my sweet darling girl and i love her so much

i need art of this so bad this sounds so cute

argo why are you busking at your dear friend's birthday party

good god argo really is shaping up to be the magnus of this campaign in terms of rolling and bonuses

yay! festo is back :D

what was that noise travis

festo is going to dance with the wee crabby, i love this so

WHY IS THERE DUBSTEP NOW

i need this as a ringtone asap

i am so bad with names, is buckminster the nice one or the malfoy one??? oh yay good he is the nice one

oh no, what happened to leon? D:

"he wouldn't leave me!" ... are they together?

gross griffin, gross

yes! show love to your sweet crab!

i love these sweet dumb friend boys

oh dang, so the blacksmith professor is in the group too??? interesting

not liking that emphasis on "when someone needs stopping," this is extremely interesting but i'm worried about the narrative implications of this, vís a vís argo being made to turn on his friends

this is so powerful, wow

i'm gonna cry but in a happy way ; u ;

oh snap this is already so cool, wow wow wow

how many teachers are in on this, dang

WAIT WHAT??? why do they want dirt on fitzroy?????

so higglemis was the one who controlled him???

"you may forget" WHAT IS GOING ON

OH FUCK, HIGGLEMIS WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SWEET LEON???

dang there was a lot of development this ep, plot and character-wise! i’m very worried for literally all three of my boys, but also very excited to see what travis has planned from here on out now that some conflict appears to be brewing!

see you guys next right thursday~ ^u^

#taz #taz spoilers #the adventure zone #taz graduation #ghosty liveblogs taz #i can't believe i'm actually posting a liveblog within four hours of the ep going up #this has got to be a new record of some sort for me lol

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lostpoliticians · 5 years ago

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oh and when I went to see my doctor the other day thinking he would give me idk gabbapentin or SOMETHING that will actually help my anxiety. Wrote I saw my psychiatrist this coming week this mf doctor prescribed me multiple antidepressants....

Antidepressants I’ve tried to off myself on multiple times, also, mind you, I am not depressed. I am full of so much anxiety and rage that it just makes me have crying spells and manic episodes. I need a fucking IV of Valium or something. Not really bc that’s not going to do me any good but like I miss the old me from like six months ago when I would just work all the time and just be exhausted from work. But I felt so fulfilled. And I feel somewhat better now that I’ve been back to work the last two weeks but also, dear god I’ve never experienced my anxiety so bad that my skin dead ass crawls. And I get to violent. It is so scary and explosive.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our one year anniversary early last week and it was perfect, he is perfect, he fight but it’s bc of my goddamn mood swings and we got in an argument bc he couldn’t understand how empathetic I could be towards strangers (not saying he’s not, he just was raised from a very good up bringing where he didn’t have to think about helping a classmate pay for their lunch or trip to cedar point). But anyways, since we’ve been together for over a year now my open mindedness and loud ass mouth that never stops running have deff converted some of his prejudice or close minded views on things which is AWESOME. We Stan a man that can grow and allow his girl to educate him on real world issues, bc he lives under a rock. He grew up with a lot of money, (ok more than me), and had a great home life. Besides of horrible choices he made on his own but he’s clean now and better.

ANYWAYS!!!! So my sisters best friend just passed and I’ve been distraught bc yes as cliche as it fucking sounds I am very much an empath. So, I feel the loss my sister is carrying in her heart when it comes to dealing with the loss of her soul sister. So anyways In the midst of my boyfriend and I having this conversation about my sister’s friend’s passing and how unfair it is that she was so young and so healthy and so lively and everybody loved her...and now she’s just gone. Alex did understand why I was sobbing for my sisters best friend loss but my sister was stone cold about it. That’s just how she is around people but behind close doors she breaks down. So, when I don’t feel heard or understood properly (ok I’m realizing now I have hella anger issues) I result to violence. And I don’t mean like throwing a remote across the room, I’m talking, I grabbed the bunch of beautifully trimmed sunflowers Alex bought me for our one year anniversary (which no many has ever never bought me my favorite flowers before) and I ripped them in half and started screaming and I threw the vase. And I was just throwing shit and hitting myself all over and in the face and yes I gave myself a black eye.

I have never ever ever been through this much fucking stress and sadness before in my entire life. I feel so batshit insane and I know I’m not, I know I’m not alone but the older I get the weak my mental health get and I know a lot more mental illnesses are more prominente once you hit your mid to late 20’s and guess what....I turn 25 next week....and these last two years I have felt so many highs n lows but have just played them off bc typically I can get myself back on track. But these mood swings I’ve been having bc of my anxiety lately. Sorry this is just a manic ass sleepless post...I’m waiting for my Xanax to kick in so I can finally lay my head down and rest. But I don’t even think the amount of green hulks I have currently could knock me out right now.

I can’t wait to see my psych doctor Tuesday. I hope he knows I’m getting more than an hour with him. Idgaf if I have to pay an extra $300 out of pocket for an extra two hours. Like, let’s go babe, let’s figure out wtf we can do to fix my mental

Oh AND I got my obgyn procedure results back and they came back perfect no signs of infection with cancer and stuff then I get a whole call again from their office like not even an hour later telling me m doctor reviewed my file in more detail and that pretty much I should be worried and I need to come back in ASAP to get another procedure done. Like, just take all my lady bits out so I can stop worrying about getting cancer bc it’s genetic. Like, Alex and I will adopt a black baby or soemthing just fucking end my shit so I can finally enjoy sex again and not have to go to the obgyn once a month get my cervix scrapped to test for cancerous cells.

I’m so sorry if any of you read all of this. And if you did, you a real one, and please message me bc I am so lonely and I could use someone that can relate to even a FRACTION of what I’m dealing with. Please.

And how fucked is it that my current regular doctor couldn’t even prescribe me server anxiety meds for the two weeks from then to my actual psych appointment a week away? And I had to go to the streets and buy Xanax just so I could fucking sleep dude like. This is backwards. And I’ve had such an issue with Xanax in the past but it is the only thing that calms me down when I start seeing red bc my anxiety makes me turn emotions into rage. It’s so exhausting.

#personal #me

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haikyuulovercompany · 6 years ago

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I was looking at your avatar & now I am here to lay down my love for the protagonist of haikyū bc this boy def needs more love!

Hinata does deserve so, so MUCH love. Thanks for requesting my baby. (alongside Tendou). Hinata doesn’t get requested that much.

—

Hinata watched himself with his shorter hair, now more stylized than when he was much younger, and his stronger factions. The soft outline of his face was gone and replaces by sharper edges. He nervously huffed as he fixed the collar of his dress shirt, to then patted over one of his pants pockets. He felt the small box lying safely inside.

He simply couldn’t believe he had reached that moment in his life. He couldn’t believe he had his own place, which he shared with his own girlfriend. And what was most unbelievable was the decision he had took a month ago when he found himself staring for the fifth time at engagement rings. His stomach roared in anxiousness. He hoped the night ended up in a good mood, or that he didn’t drop the box as he went down to his knees. He might be a different person than the one he was when he was a teenager, but what hadn’t change was his clumsiness.

“Ready,” he heard her from behind him. He turned around finding her in a gorgeous dress dealing with the clasp of her bracelet. If he needed any sign that told him he was about to do the right thing, the way she looked that night was enough to put him at ease. She raised her head to meet his eyes and then share a shy smile to him. “You look handsome.”

Hinata became flustered, passing a hand through his hair as a bad habit. He approached her, depositing a kiss on her head. Against everyone’s expectations, he had also grown up in height. “You look really pretty tonight, too.”

“I hope so.”

Hinata seemed worried for a second. “But you really do.”

She only could chuckle at his concerned. She had said it as a joke, but she could always count on Hinata to try to scare away her insecurities joke or not. It was his nature. “Let’s go or we will miss our reservation.”

The dinner at the restaurant he had picked had been nothing but a façade to his actual plan. The place was beyond beautiful with its view from the city already buried in darkness with the lights shining as if the night sky was at their feet instead of above them. He could see the fascination on her face, mesmerized by the scenery just beside their table and entirely unaware of his drunk in love eyes glued at her. He wanted to drop in one knee at that exact moment instead of waiting. And it would still work if he did so. However, it wouldn’t hold as much meaning as what he had in store for later.

Who could have imagined he would grow to be the romantic type?

He stayed still throughout their dinner. He kept it casual, trying to push aside little twinge of anxiousness in him as they finished their food. He would have to ask the big question soon, and even if he was sure, he couldn’t help to be antsy.

It had been complicated to convince her to go back to their apartment walking instead of taking a cab without seeming suspicious, nevertheless, she had agreed with not much questioning.

And it got worse with every step they took towards the park. His heart threatening to launch itself out of his chest if he dared to go any closer that place. But he kept going, clammy hands hidden in his jacket as he kept her arm linked to his seemingly clueless.

The west park, where they were currently walking to, was the same park he had taken her to their first date. It was the park they both loved to take walks every Sunday like an old couple. There wasn’t any other place for him to do it. They had turned a simple public park into their place.

They made their way through the metal arch announcing they were entering the property. Hinata shivered even thou it was a pretty hot summer night. The light jacket he had chosen to compliment his look was now heavy on him.

When the enormous fountain taking the spotlight in the middle of the park appeared before them, Hinata was done for. This was the place. The most gorgeous spot in the whole park with its wide spaces all around and lights illuminating the fountain. Early on the weekends, it was close to impossible to find an empty space, but at that hour at night, the place was empty—they had it entirely to themselves.

“It’s so beautiful here at night, isn’t it?” she commented, taking her hand off of his arm to walk closer to the fountain. “And so peaceful. I wish it could be like this during the day, too.” And it was now or never, so with shaky hands he took the small box from his pants gripping it tightly so it wouldn’t fly off of them. She slowly turned to him, finding strange his lack of response. She gasped, her hands going to her mouth as a natural reaction. “S-shouyo.”

He swallowed heavily. “Will you… marry me?” She didn’t answer anything verbally. Instead, she choked a cry and went down on her own knees to hug him as she nodded furiously against his shoulder. Hinata chuckled, and then she began to cry more freely, her arms still wrapped around his neck. “Let me put it on you or I’m afraid I will drop it.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry.”

With both of them still on the floor, Hinata took out the ring from its box, and gently hold her hand sliding slowly the ring. “We’re getting married,” she whispered.

Hinata nodded. “We are.”

They locked eyes in one intense glare before she threw herself on him once again, this time successfully brining both of them down in sheer happiness. Hinata didn’t complain. He was beatific himself.

#hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #karasuno x reader #karasuno #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu requests

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swearronchanel · 6 years ago

Text

8.08

how did the series fly by this quickly? anyways, let’s see how it ends

Aww poor Val

Now Shelagh and May, I can’t with all the sadness already

Vanessa Redgrave isn’t helping either ugh

But I’ve missed the nuns being nuns and singing I’m glad they squeezed some in

It’s so hard to be stuck in the middle like that, sorry Valerie

Now a teenage girl with cancer wow they REALLY wanna make me cry tonight

Shelagh always keeping herself busy lol omg like that to do list is serious

How many kids does this lady have damn

did he say Schroeder like the Baroness in sound of music? my subtitles skipped that and my hearing is shit apparently

Val didn’t even put makeup on, you know she can’t even

“I’ve rather missed the cinched in waist” there’s my Trix

Also love her plaid pants

Cutting the photograph right in half ugh this is terrible

Lucille is so sweet

Ugh I feel that I hate hospitals so much

ANGELA SPOKE!! I’m shook

MAY SPOKE WHATTTTT!?

this is sad but I’m too shook that both of these silent little girls just spoke it’s a Christmas in March miracle

this is so rough bc we know Val’s gran really didn’t mean to cause harm. It’s all the system’s fault man for making women’s lives so difficult

What’s wrong with Reggie?😭

Phyllis!! Ugh I’ve missed her. The lack of her has been unappreciated

Also I still love Ms Higgins LMAO I want Phyllis and her to go out somewhere

Omg I’m in tears I can’t like this is heartbreaking, my grandma is my number 1 I can’t imagine being in Val’s situation

Someone tell me what’s wrong with Reggie and who must I fight to solve the issue !!!

Aww and now May’s gone 😭

LMFAOOO SHELAGH AND FRED

the swat of the hand is a mood 😂

RIP to the disco ball, symbolizing my energy crashing and burning

LUCILLE DEFENDING VALERIE YESS

but i would’ve thrown hands like 1) do not talk to me like that & B) mind your business bc it’s between my gran and me

“Gentle sir” I still believe Sister MJ has a platonic crush on Cyril and I love it

LMAOO oops they’re all in their slips omg too funny

Remember when the girls had funnier lines like Trixie asking Jenny Lee if she was naked and indecent when knocking on her door? 😹

Aww now Vi everyone is succumbing to tears can we stop PLS

Why is this conversation so pure? Cyril is a gem

Poppet😭 Sister Hilda sounding like Mrs Potts

“I’ll teach you” ok I really like Sister Hilda

Pub money omg

“How nice..” LMAO Sgt Woolfe really has trouble with the curve 😭 is he naive or just too persistent

But Phyllis is smart af to set them up so she’s free from him😂

“You fixed that tap” LMAO I love Reggie

GIRLFRIEND! 😭 “no, beautiful” PUREEE

YAy Phyllis is coming home *starts singing in the key of one last time from Hamilton, Phyllis Crane is coming homeeeee*

“If only the laws were different” preach Val. We know the real villain.

“No one can go through life without experiencing any pain at all” ain’t that the damn ugly truth 😞

Lucille giving her a gown ugh my heart

Reggie writing a letter to his lady again my heart

Ugh now the dad has a sob story this is all too much

Now Sister MJ will say something that’ll hit the feels as well

“None of that defeatist talk” remember when the Dowager Countess Violet Crawley said “don’t be a defeatist my dear, it’s very middle class” LMAO I miss Downton but let’s continue

Another baby girl

Ugh more feels why is this finale so damn sad

Sgt Woolfe sent Ms Higgins flowers, get ittt girl

Omg this is too much sadness I can’t

The tears in sister Mj’s eyes 😭

Dr Turner and Fred having a little moment is honestly sweet. They’re such dads

“I am the elder” OK SISTER MJ WE HEAR U SIS !! Sister J can take a seat! you know if she were around this series..

poor Fred was so worried

Not gonna lie I lowkey didn’t see this coming. I thought May was really leaving. But you know love gotta conquer all or this isn’t a ctm finale Lmaoo 😂

And now the Turner’s officially collect kids ((it’s a It Takes Two (1995) reference LMAOO pls don’t come for me ill stop))

May is adorable & I love her

MS CRANE IS BACK IN ACTION YES HELLO OUR SOVEREIGN LONG MAY SHE REIGN IN NONATUS HOUSE SHALL WE POP OUR ROLODEX’S IN HONOR

“Where would I be if not along side you?” GOSH SISTER J MORE TEARS FOR ME

SISTER MJ PULLED UP TOO, UGH I CANT MY HEART

I can’t take the wigs serious like why do they wear them LMAO

England really can’t let go of a lot of dated traditions can they? like the 18th century looking wigs and well, monarchs 😂😂

“They never said that to Cinderella” it just gets more sad by the minute

EXCUSE ME SIR DONT SNAP AT BEATRIX FRANKLIN LIKE THAT

Cath came omg

Can there be one smidge of happiness pls ? I need some hope here

She’s changing her plead to guilty omgg

6 years oh shit

“Until you girls with all your training and all your learning sort something out with the men who make the law..” PREACH GRAN

ABORTION BEING ILLEGAL ONLY STOPS SAFE ABORTIONS FROM HAPPENING!!! yelling at brick walls at this point

I’m so glad Val and her Gran are made peace😭

the nurses serving princess looks😍😍

FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS WALTZ I CAN NOTTTT

PATRICK, MAY, AND ANGELA

IM IN TEARS GOOD FREAKING BYE

ScHRODER DRESSED IN CINDERELLA BLUE SOMEONE HELP

Phyllis holding a random girl and Sister J holding Angela 😭😭

“Gathered together we find our light, and each spark shifts and multiplies scattering its radiance on our ordinary lives. Like everything precious, more valuable when shared. Like every common miracle, made of the stuff of stars.”

Omg Violet brought Jane I cant

“Let the line shine...See the hope, see the promise.. Tell your truth. Tell your story. Tell your love.” WOW feels

THIS WASNT ENOUGH HAPPINESS LIKE I KNOW THATS LIFE BUT STILL I NEED MORE POSITIVITY TO GET ME TO CHRISTMAS

can’t believe I watched the entire series in real time, from London like wow life is crazy

But my time is halfway done already, catch me watching the Christmas special back on my couch in the states. ok bye see ya maybe in december

#another series ending #and apparently now THREE more to still come!#call the midwife #comments

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mortimemedoodles · 6 years ago

Text

Lotor Friendsim?

Hey yall, this isn't much I just took the mc of Homestuck-Friendsim and replaced them with Lotor bc I'm out here to have fun. without further ado, here.

You have just crash-landed on a planet called Alternia, and staggered from the smoldering wreckage of your ship. You don't recall how you found your way out of the quintessence field, but better here than there, you guess. You are now completely alone in a strange world. Desperate for information, for provisions, and possibly a bit of medical attention. But most of all, you are desperate for...

FRIENDSHIP?

Won't someone on this godforsaken rock be your buddy?

....Actually, no. You really are looking more for medical attention and provisions more than anything else. A buddy would be a good provider of these things, but really any weirdo will do. You're not that picky. You know more than anything that making friends can have disastrous side effects if you are not careful. You decided not to dwell on the series of events that lead you to be here and put voltron out of your mind. After all, your ship is ruined and you don't think you will be going anywhere any time soon. Best to look for help. Hang on... What's this now? Is someone approaching...?

Yes, someone is approaching! A strange, grey-skinned alien, clad in blue. Perhaps they will make for a good friend? You smooth out your hair and try to look half presentable despite your blatantly horrible wounds and burns.

ARDATA: dear god. ARDATA: and just what are you supposed to be? Your stammering reply eventually conveys that you are a lost traveler to keep this interaction simple, you also let her know you are hungry and probably in some need of medical treatment. You're also quite disoriented from your sudden landing in a strange new world and wouldn't mind making a new friend right now. ARDATA: oh. oh my. mmmmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmhmhmhm... ARDATA: hmhmmhmmwahahahahahahaha. ARDATA: oh how funny thiiis iiis. how very droll. you... ARDATA: YOU want to be MY friiiend? ARDATA: iiit's too much. thiiis, thiiis THIIING at my doorstep, wiiishiiing to know me iiin any capaciiity. the hiiilariiity somehow escapes my abiiiliiity to capture wiiith maniiiacal laughter. how rare. You apologize for your presumptuous request. You replace your helmet, turn around, and begin to walk aw-

ARDATA: and just what the fuck do you thiiink you are doiiing? ARDATA: who iiinviiited you to leave?

You stop in your tracks, and turn to face her again. Your possibly broken ribs are throbbing in pain. But this does not strike you as the right moment to exhibit weakness. ARDATA: iiit dawns on me that we may have gotten off on the wrong saunterpod. where are my manners? ghastly behaviiior on my part. ARDATA: after all, iiit iiisn't YOUR fault you seem to be some sort of hiiideous freak, iiis iiit? and such a tragiiic creature cannot be held responsiiible for such a devastatiiing shortfall of sociiial competence. ARDATA: iii would weep for you, really. except that cryiiing out of three eyes at once gets a biiit messy. so iiinstead, iii thiiink iii'll be saviiing my tears for someone less offensiiively worthless. You... aren't sure if she's inviting you inside? Or if she just got you to stay a little longer, so she could insult you some more. You cant say youre fond of it, but after all that you have been through with voltron you cant say you feel you are above being criticized for many things. You try to remain stoic, while your confrontational new friend decides what to do with you. You have objectively been through much worst. Still you cant help but wince. Not only over your broken ribs but the stabbing pain of being abandoned once again. You would think this would be something you were used to by now. You sniffle slightly despite yourself. ARDATA: oh. ARDATA: oh my, oh dear. you're... ARDATA: sad? hmhmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmwahaha. so amusiing to me. miiildly endeariiing, even? ARDATA: perhaps. iii'll decide later iiif iiit's endeariiing, once iii have more iiinformatiiion. iiit's entiiirely possiiible iii wiiill retroactiiively deciiide iiit's diiisgustiiing. ARDATA: but for now, try to put yourself at ease. you completely piiitiiiful fool. not one more sniiiffle. ARDATA: do you understand? You nod, while practicing exemplary control over your nose. ARDATA: you have gotten yourself so agiiitated. iii wonder why. you have nothiiing to worry about from me. ARDATA: of course iii wiiill be your friiiend. condiiitiiionally, iii mean. there iiis a chance the desiiignatiiion wiiill be formaliiized, iiif you behave iiin ways that iii approve of, startiiing now. ARDATA: let's call iiit a friiiendshiiip iiin progress. agreed? Your heart swells. This is what you've been waiting for. A new friend... oh gosh. All you have to do now is try not to fuck anything up at all, possibly for many hours. This seemed very good until you thought about it like that and now you really just want to leave. ARDATA: come iiinto my hiiive. thiiis way, after me. you look liiike you could use nouriiishment. ARDATA: iii don't know what iiit iiis that whatever you are eats, generally. but iiit doesn't matter. you wiiill eat whatever iiit iiis iii have on hand, iiif iii tell you to. how does that sound? How DOES it sound? It sounds good. I'll do whatever you say. You tell her. You can tell by her very unpleasant disposition that she is the type you want to speak with respect to to get what you want. God, its almost like your father decided to come back in the form of a strange looking teenaged girl.

ARDATA: obviiiously iiit sounds good. you wiiill defiiiniiitely enjoy it.

ARDATA: you wiiill enjoy everythiiing iii proviiide you wiiith, and tell you to do. iii can't iiimagiiine any sort of negatiiiviiity or diiisagreement comiiing from one of my friiiends.

ARDATA: iii wiiill assume that we share thiiis phiiilosophy, when iiit comes to friiiendshiiip?

You say, oh yes, absolutely. You nod as enthusiastically as you can, without aggravating your broken ribs. You resist the urge to roll your eyes into the back of your skull.

You consider giving her a thumbs up as well, until you realize one of your arms is probably broken too. You'll try to make sure she doesn't notice though. It would probably leave a bad impression.

ARDATA: come wiiith me. there's somethiiing iii need your help wiiith.

You follow her into her hive. It's a bit gloomy in here. You suppose she's going to fix you something to eat soon, as promised.

You pass through her kitchen, and... out the other side, to another room? Ok, you guess dinner can wait. Better not to piss her off and get kicked outbefore she can help you.

ARDATA: thiiis way. try not to let any of your broken liiimbs slow you down.

ARDATA: a good friiiend wouldn't allow such triiifliiing physiiical aiiilments cause me any iiinconveniiience.

Ah. Shes seen your injuries and does not intend to do anything to fix them. At least this is what you gather from your observation of her personality so far. You want to be angry but at the very least she has decided not to do something that would force you to work with your broken limbs. You are absolutely not in the mood to fight for example. You hobble a little faster, through another door into a much darker room. And now, down a flight of stairs?

It's hard to see. There are torches along the wall ahead. A monstrous noise rumbles below.

ARDATA: don't miiind her. she's just hungry. she's always hungry though.

ARDATA: what's that? you're hungry too? iii have not forgotten. what sort of piiiece of shiiit friiiend do you take me for?

You didn't remind her that you're hungry. You thought it though. Can she... read your mind? You hope not. That's going to make this friendship slash food excursion in progress a bit awkward. Not to mention that most of your thoughts on her thus far have been particularly kind.

ARDATA: here we are. thiiis iiis where you wiiill be most useful to me as a friiiend.

You look around. With a sense of relief, you see no sign of whatever hungry thing was grumbling down here. You are less relieved to see several other kids trapped in cages of various shape and size. If anything you are rather disgusted but decide to quickly clear your mind of that repulsion.

One of them makes eye contact with you.

The boy is the same kind of alien as her. Horns and all. He has a dark red symbol on his shirt. His expression seems to plead with you.

He struggles to say, "Hel..... p". Your new friend looks unamused and twitches her finger. "Hel... plo!" he says.

"Helplo. By which I mean, hello of course. Looks like you're the new friend in progress chosen by the great and beautiful Ardata."

"She's my savior, my reason for being. I am nothing without her. I'd hollow myself out and let her make a nest inside of me, if she'd permit it!"

You turn away from this boy. You don't want to hear anything he has to say, ever again.

ARDATA: hmhmhmmmm. don't miiind hiiim. he's always regarded hiiimself as a comediiian.

ARDATA: come. over here. thiiis iiis what iii need your help wiiith, iiif you're goiiing to have any value to me as a friiiend.

You're led to a dank corner of this, well, you're going to call it like you see it. This dungeon. Your new 'friend' has a dungeon full of sad, suffering children, and presumably a monster lurking somewhere in here as well. It's not ideal.

Then again, beggars like you can't be choosers. Not yet at least.

ARDATA: iii've been haviiing an awful tiiime wiiith iiit.

ARDATA: you can do iiit for me. iiit wiiill save me tiiime.

You look at the thing in question. You doubt she's been having an "awful time" with it. You doubt this because it's still in its box, looking completely untouched since it was brought down here.

It's a box containing a... table? A table that looks ominously like it was designed to keep a person strapped to its surface. You somehow find yourself missing the quintessence field looking at it.

ARDATA: iii wiiill need you to assemble iiit.

ARDATA: here's a screwdriiiver, iiin case you need iiit. iii wiiill assume other requiiired tools are contaiiined wiiithiiin the box.

You take the screwdriver with your non-broken arm. This isn't exactly what you had in mind, but you cant say its unexpected in hindsight.

You don't know what you had in mind, really. A warm meal, and friendly banter? Perhaps a sling for your arm, and a remedial balm for your ribs. Still, you open the box without protest.

ARDATA: hold on. before you start, thiiis wiiill make for excellent content.

ARDATA: my fans wiiill appreciiiate thiiis.

She sets up a video recording device on a tripod, and points it at you. A video feed comes to life on several monitors just behind you. You see in one corner of a screen, an unflattering angle of your torso hunched over the furniture box.

Other rectangles contain shots of the other kids in cages around the room. You suppose cameras are pointing at them, too. You had no idea this so called friendship came with the perk of instant stardom. Fucking fantastic.

ARDATA: now you may begiiin.

She's suddenly sitting in a comfortable looking chair facing you, and holding a chalice, swishing around some viscous liquid it contains.

You have all the parts spread out on the floor, organized according to their labels in the instructions.

You remember the last time you assembled something like this. You don't recall enjoying it. To be perfectly honest... this doesn't look like it will be fun at all. She frowns conspicuously.

ARDATA: oh. how sad for you.

ARDATA: iii'm sorry. iiis thiiis actiiiviiity not to your liiikiiing?

You reassure her vigorously that, no, it actually looks amazing. You love shit like this. It's what you were born for, you say, as you swoosh the screwdriver around, demonstrating your plainly evident skill with the tool.

Forget the thing you just thought. Completely arbitrary and WRONG thoughts pop into your head all the time. It meant nothing, you swear.

ARDATA: mmmhmhmhm.

ARDATA: yes. iii hear that a lot.

ARDATA: contiiinue.

You open the little bag full of screws. goodness, there are about, fifty screws to this thing. Where could most of these screws POSSIBLY even go? Judging from the picture, the table really doesn't seem that complicated.

You look at your screwdriver, then study the screws. Every single one requires some sort of wrench. Does this even come with a wrench? The instructions seem to suggest it does.

You look around, but don't see one. Did you open the bag too forcefully? Did the wrench go bouncing off into a dark dungeon crevice nearby? Maybe you lost some of the screws too... damn it.

You hold back a sigh and look around curiously. You check underneath one of the parts. No, it's not under there. You grip the screwdriver a little tighter to fight back frustration.

You wonder what to do next.

> Get the hell out of there.

First, you clear your head and try to think innocent thoughts.

Altea. your lovely little cat Kova. Your trip to Oriande. Ardata's long black hair spilling over her cloak. Her tripping down the stairs and breaking a horn. Her...wait. These are NOT innocent thoughts. If anything theyre more likely to make her want to berate you again for imagining such foolish things. Shut it down. SHUT IT DOWN.

There's no time for thinking. You have to act. You hurl the screwdriver at her and run.

She calmly lifts a hand towards one of the kids in the cages. The kid tenses up and lifts a hand in the direction of the screwdriver. The screwdriver freezes mid-air, right in front of Ardata's head.

You run up the stairs. She twitches a finger, the caged kid does a full body spasm, and the screwdriver goes sailing toward you. It stabs deep into your leg, and you buckle over, tumbling backwards down the stairs.

You're a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding, and you think your arm is broken in two places now.

ARDATA: that diiidn't seem very friiiendly to me.

ARDATA: luckiiily for you, iii'm very determiiined to make relatiiionshiiips work.

ARDATA: even ones wiiith people who flee siiimple furniiiture assembly projects.

She stands over you. You attempt to pull the screwdriver out of your leg, but your entire body locks up. You can't move. She holds an outstretched hand just above you.

ARDATA: you shouldn't try to move yet.

ARDATA: and you certaiiinly shouldn't try to pull out that screwdriiiver. you'll get blood everywhere.

ARDATA: to my three liiittle eyes, under the present condiiitiiions, iiit seems to me that only one of us should attempt walkiiing up these staiiirs.

You feel somewhat relieved. Perhaps she has some... alien means of levitating you up the stairs? Wait... no. That doesnt sound like something she would do.

Your body is tensing up again. It's moving without your permission. You get to your feet, without taking the screwdriver out. Wow that hurts. What is she making you... wait. What? She can't be. There are many things she could be doing to you right now in your mind, but surely she doesnt intend to..?

You use both of your arms, and all your strength, and pick her up entirely. The pain from your arm is excruciating. Arms with broken bones are not meant for heavy lifting. The additional weight on your wounded leg isn't great either. Wonderful.

You hold her as a groom would hold a bride. She wraps her arms around your neck, to hang on to you in what strikes you as an overly familiar manner. She looks directly into your eyes, and grins.

ARDATA: thiii2 iii2 better.

ARDATA: now. onward and upward, new friiiend.

ARDATA: mmmwahahahaha.

Your legs begin to operate without your consent. They wobble and struggle under the weight, the wound throbs. You lumber back up the long flight of stairs, carrying her all the way.

You take her back to the kitchen and set her down in a chair seated at a table.

ARDATA: you diiidn't thiiink iii'd forget about diiinner tiiime, diiid you?

ARDATA: let's put your unfriiiendly behaviiior behiiind us. iiit's a good thiiing for you that iii'm benevolent enough to overlook diiisgustiiing acts of betrayal.

ARDATA: you may have notiiiced iii keep several friiiends iiin my hiiive who iii have siiimiiilarly forgiiiven.

ARDATA: consiiider the transgressiiion blood beneath the abattoiiir.

You exhale. Now that she mentions it, yes, you are hungry. Somehow you feel this is not going to end well for you, but you also know that thinking negativly is not going to make things better either.

Maybe a warm meal, if you even get it, will lift your spirits and get this heretofore turbulent friendship back on track. Maybe you'll even get the chance to pull this screwdriver out of your leg.

You pull out a chair and attempt to sit down. But your legs lock up, and then you stand again. Apparently this was not the right thing to do. As you expected, but you tried to have hope.

ARDATA: oh. but why are you siiittiiing?

ARDATA: there's cookiiing to be done.

Of course this is happening. You stagger mechanically over to the fridge, and open it. You pull out a large hock of some sort of alien mystery meat, and put it on the counter.

With your broken arm, you reach in anguish for a big dangling meat cleaver. You chop the hock, wincing with each swing of the cleaver.

You didn't know that's the way she likes it, but you surmise this is what she prefers in a piece of meat, since technically she is the one doing the cooking.

You put it on the table in front of her, along with a fork and knife beside it. Your muscles relax, as you apparently are allowed to control your own body again. She does nothing, except look at you with a pleased expression.

You eye the meat in front of her. Then the meat on the counter. And the chair on the other side of the table.

What should you do? Prepare a plate for yourself? Is that what she wants you to do? You hope it is but you know its not.

ARDATA: well?

ARDATA: iiit looks liiike you're confused.

ARDATA: iiisn't iiit obviiious what to do next, under your own voliiitiiion?

ARDATA: a good friiiend would know what to do. iiin fact, iii don't thiiink a good friiiend would take nearly as long to deciiide what the riiight thiiing to do next iiis.

ARDATA: iiit actually seems to me that a very rude friiiend would hesiiitate for as long as you are hesiiitatiiing.

ARDATA: or perhaps. someone who iiis not a friiiend at all?

You hold back on sighing again. You clearly don't have much time to make up your mind. If you wait for even a few seconds longer, you will probably be guilty of being a bad friend. Maybe even a dreadful one.

you are already neck deep in this and going through this hell for nothing seems pointless to you now.

What will you do?

> Feed her.

This feels like the only obvious thing to do. She is looking up at you quite expectantly. You reach for the fork with your good arm. You go for the knife with your other... ow.

You can't do it. The arm is much less serviceable when the muscles are not being forced via psychic override to disregard the pain response.

Nevertheless, she looks at you patiently and smiles. That's nice for you, you think, for her not to be mad about it. You feel like you're pleasing your new friend more and more by the minute.

You put the fork down, and pick up the knife with your good arm. You cut the meat into several pieces with a careful sawing motion.

You put the knife down and pick up the fork, and stab a piece. You put it close to her mouth. She seems pleased.

ARDATA: very good. niiice techniiique.

ARDATA: well siiized morsels, too.

She chews the meat with excellent form. She has very good table manners, you think. When she finishes the pieces, you slice off some more, and continue.

The meat looks very good. Your mouth is watering, but she doesn't offer any. Oh well, when it's the right time for you to eat too, you're sure she will let you know.

The meal is finished. There is no more meat, except for a few pieces of unchewable gristle, which you did not try to feed her. That would be thoughtless, very bad service.

She reclines, and steeples her fingers, looking quite pleased with how her evening has gone so far.

ARDATA: mhmhmhmhmhm.

You aren't sure why she's laughing. Does she have more cruelty up her sleeve shes ready to dish out?

ARDATA: mwahahahaha.

ARDATA: oh my. hahahaha.

ARDATA: what a fool.

You point at yourself, wondering if she's referring to you. You don't know what you've done that was foolish, if so. You're also still not sure what she finds so amusing.

ARDATA: hahahahaha.

ARDATA: hahahaha.

ARDATA: mmha. haha.

ARDATA: ha.

ARDATA: ...

She pauses her laughter for a minute or two. Then slowly begins to frown. A faint blue tear rolls down her cheek, from her bottom eye.

ARDATA: the truth iiis. iii don't even know why iii'm laughiiing.

ARDATA: thiiis iiisn't very funny, what's happeniiing here.

ARDATA: iiit was a good diiinner. you diiid a good job. whoever you are.

She puts her face in both of her hands, and sobs quietly. You have no idea what to do about this. You stand there, still holding the fork, feeling a bit useless. Shes tortured you horribly but you can see shes still just a teenager. You feel a little bad watching this.

ARDATA: there iiis a lot of pressure, you know.

ARDATA: beiiing so respected and admiiired for your hiiigh status iiin thiiis world.

ARDATA: iii diiidn't ask for thiiis. to be so superiiior to so many.

ARDATA: much iiis expected of you. much iiis presumed about what your personaliiity wiiill be, before you even develop one.

ARDATA: you work hard. and buiiild a brand. based only on what you thiiink people assume you should be liiike.

ARDATA: sometiiimes iii wonder. am iii even that GOOD at beiiing siiiniiister?

ARDATA: could iii be MORE siiiniiister, iiif iii triiied harder?

ARDATA: maybe thiiis iiis not my true calliiing after all.

You begin to offer words of sympathy. This all seems heartbreaking to you. this child needs some sort of support you think. But your jaw muscles contract, and your mouth shuts involuntarily.

You guess it's not your turn to speak yet? Fine, that works for you. You dont really know what to say anyways.

ARDATA: but what would happen iiif iii changed my brand? iiif iii stopped beiiing so siiiniiister onliiine?

ARDATA: my friiiends and followers wiiill deriiide and reject me.

ARDATA: and my superiiiors wiiill eat me aliiive.

ARDATA: iiif iii show weakness. iiif iii scale back on my bloodthiiirsty content.

ARDATA: wiiill iii iiincur the scorn of a wiiise ass clown wiiith a hundred miiilliiion subscriiibers?

ARDATA: wiiill iii be iiin a cage some day. liiisteniiing to a fuckiiing fool honk hiiis horn for liiikes?

ARDATA: no. iii must persiiist.

ARDATA: how lonely iiit iiis to know thiiis iiis all iii can do, untiiil the day iii leave thiiis planet.

ARDATA: iii have no materiiial or sensory comforts left for me here.

ARDATA: untiiil iii can get on a shiiip and fly away. paiiin iiis my only solace.

Your hand holding the fork grips it tighter. You're horrified to realize what it is in the process of doing.

You bring it down hard on her hand which is placed flat on the table. She doesn't flinch, or react in any way. Three trails of cerulean blood flow from the tines where they pierce her skin.

That wasn't very friendly, you think. You expected her anger from that. But then, you weren't the one who did it, were you? You're so confused.

ARDATA: my subscriiibers are not real friiiends.

ARDATA: they adore me only for my siiiniiister content. the show iii proviiide. my wiiicked, iiinfectiiious laughter.

ARDATA: iii get jealous of them someiiimes, because they get to watch my content. iiit must be thriiilliiing, iii thiiink. but maybe...

ARDATA: iii'm just jealous of them because they get to be people who aren't me?

ARDATA: thiiis iiis fucking deep. iii know. apologiiies iiif you cannot relate.

She pulls the fork out of her hand, and lays it gently on the plate of gristle you didn't feed her.

ARDATA: the people downstaiiirs iiin theiiir cages aren't my friiiends eiiither.

ARDATA: they act liiike they're my friiiends though. and sometiiimes, iii even beliiieve iiit.

ARDATA: but they don't really want to be friiiends wiiith me.

ARDATA: nobody does.

ARDATA: the only person who has ever really wanted to be my friiiend. who's ever TRIIIED to be...

ARDATA: iiis you?

You clear your throat, and point to yourself innocently.

ARDATA: that's iiit. iii've deciiided.

ARDATA: you have passed the test.

ARDATA: you wiiill become my friiiend. offiiiciiially.

ARDATA: as such, iii thiiink a reward iiis iiin order.

You are overjoyed. Your heart starts racing. You can't believe it. A new REAL FRIEND. You hope this means the hell shes put you through is over. But you don't have much time to enjoy this achievement. Your body is doing something again.

You bend down in a strained motion and pick up the plate and fork. You position the plate over your wide open mouth, and scrape in all the remaining gristle, and begin chewing.

It's virtually inedible. Your mouth humors the act of chewing for two seconds, and then you swallow all of it whole, in one painful gulp.

Tastes like friendship.

#voltron #homestuck #fic #i guess? i just found a transcript of friendsim and edited it #a bit #lotor #ardata #im gonna #do a few of these #i guess

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witchyinthekitchen · 6 years ago

Text

This is a Vent Post about my Mother, Please do not reblog

This post is probably gunna be all over the place/time with things that I can remember/recall so bear with me here.

-Being told to make my own food bc mom was too busy with brand new baby (I was between 5-6 so poptarts were about all i could manage. I'd asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) (my brother was a VERY finniky baby. If you weren't holding him he'd scream till his face went purple.))

-Tried to share interests in Anime/manga with her, when I asked her what she felt about it she said she couldn’t get into it and that it felt like a chore. (13-15 ish)

-Told her I needed therapy bc I was having suicidal thoughts. She took me, but then took me out once I started getting upset about the things i’d been talking about in therapy with my therapist because I'd come home in a bad mood.(15-16 ish)

-Went to Mother Daughter Group Therapy with her (there were other mother daughter combos) and she stormed out in the middle of it saying that we were only attacking her and not my dad too. (was 15-16 ish)

-Got into an argument about who i was voting for in the 2016 election while on vacation at Disney World (Hint it wasn't Trump like she wanted)(24 ish)

-Tried to gaslight me about trying to get everyone together to talk wedding stuff saying how she tried but that it all fell apart. (I have texts of her canceling it the day before we were all supposed to get together.)(26)

-Gets super defensive/upset any time I talk about “other mothers” in my life (MIL, BM)

-Has been super hot and cold with me during wedding planning and making passive aggressive comments about everything: Tell him to buy new pants for the engagement shoot 'bc I dont want him wearing baggy clothes -SO's Lost over 20lbs+ for the wedding and i'm so fuckin proud of him- “I don’t want to pay for hard alcohol for SO and his friends to drink at the wedding.” As if ½ the people invited weren’t all just her friends? ((All our friends live out of state/country so half the wedding is family and HER friends/neighbors.)) "I’m sure H*(SIL) and K*(MIL) have good counsel for you on _____," (Why would you say this when i'm asking for YOUR opinion? If i wanted their opinion i'd ask them.)

-4 months before the wedding she’s trying to talk me out of my venue saying we need to go look at the ones SO and MIL had suggested.

-Wants me to keep (BM)'s relation to me a secret even though i’m pretty sure 85% of the people who know me and are coming to my wedding know i'm adopted.

-Angry that I was moving out of the house at 21 with my SO she told his mother she hoped we’d fail. (In her defense she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'd done poorly in my last semester of college so parents thought it would be a good idea to take me out of college for a semester so i could live at home and basically be at my moms beck and call while also being expected to work 2 jobs (they'd told me the instant that the semester was over that i was expected to work 2 jobs) -That's at least how I was viewing that whole situation before I moved out- )

-As a kid I remember wanting to run away a lot. (Never away to a friends house but always to a park to live under a bridge like the goblin I am (lol)) (is it obvious I use self depreciating humor to get through things that I'm uncomfortable with? haha)

-I'd always hide things from her, even small things like a puzzle book i'd bought myself from the elementary school book fairs. i even began writing my diaries in code so she couldn't read them. Not that i ever caught her reading my diaries or what not but thats how afraid i was.

-The only things that stopped me from killing myself was the distressing thought that my mother would be more upset with blood on the floor than me being gone. (It was a constant worry of mine when I was having ideations.)

-When i was getting close to graduating high school the librarians told me they had a bunch of excess old books they were getting rid of and one of them happened to be the "Toxic Parents" book i've seen several other posts refer to. I took no other books besides that one. I hid that from her too. Looking back through it i remember there was a checklist in the book and i'd filled some of it out when i was younger. I most definitely am a people pleaser.

-We've never really been able to "talk" about things together like how my dad and i do and i think she's really jealous about it.

-The only way I feel comfortable talking to her is Via Email/Text because then that way i have a copy of all the things she's said. because i often forget things. (I honestly don't know how bad my memory is or if its gaslighting but i hope its just me being forgetful and not the latter...)

-I literally cannot let my SO do the dishes because my Mom would always do the dishes/clean when she was mad and bang pots around loudly and just even those sounds set me on edge.

-Her telling me that the careers i wanted to get into (IE: the Arts/Theater/Music) wouldn't make enough money and that they'd be fine as Hobbies but not as careers.

-She's continually trying to push me into a Customer Service Job because i'm so good at making other people happy. (talked to dad about this and he says i'm a very big people pleaser who doesn't like conflicts -cue nervous laughter about wedding planning-)

-Being around her for long periods of time is so physically/emotionally draining. I know that's probably a result of always being on edge with her and I always feel bad that I feel that way.

-Because she's said she hoped I'd fail (me and my So when I first moved out) I'm terrified of telling her anything personal going on in my life for fear that she'd take it out on me or use it against me (i got super anxious/scared when she came up to see me on my end of town once because we'd be stopping at the mall where i used to work and i hadn't yet told her that I'd quit that job.)

-I want to have a relationship with her. I want us to do fun Mom& Daughter things but at the same time I'm scared of letting her get too close to me again just to have it fall apart again.

-When I moved out (21) i went VLC with my whole family before i even knew what VLC was. I barely saw them (except for certain holidays/events.) I didn't talk to my dad for about 3 years because of this and am just now recovering that relationship with him (been 5 years now since I moved out)

-After I get married my plan is to move to CO. During that time i don't remember if my mom has mentioned if she'd miss me, but i do recall she has made multiple points to tell me that my dad says he would miss me.

-I had to beg for a 16th Birthday Party. She finally caved half a year later after I'd talked to my Therapist about it.

-pretty sure i'm the SG of the family (possibly Cousin 1 being the GC because she went to same University my mom did)

-Other family members on her side have stepped in to provide financial help to me on the promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. (probably to stop any gossip of favoritism)

I Don't know if she's an N or just really bad at expressing herself but her hot and cold attitude really sets off my anxiety that i've done something to piss her off and that she won't talk to me about it for a few weeks and then acts as though nothing is wrong/nothing happened. Planning my wedding is the MOST contact we've had in 5 years since i moved out and went VLC and i've been trying to use this as a way to bond with her better but anytime i think i'm getting somewhere Something happens and she's upset again. A phrase i've found myself come into saying recently is "I can't fix something that I don't know is wrong." So i've tried to take that approach when it comes to her. I know she's an adult and can choose for herself if she wants to talk about whats on her mind. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want to but the anxiety it causes when she gets into these moods is really debilitating. I'm terrible at letting things go (especially if i think its my fault)

I'm Not Her Therapist, but if she has an issue with me I wish she'd just tell me instead of the Silent treatment for a week.

Trigger Topics that I've learned to Avoid at All Costs:

Anything about "Other Mothers" in my life.

Politics & Racism

Anything in the Past that happened.

My moving out

Anything that paints her as a "Bad Mother"(aka this whole post probably)

This post is a mess and I'm rambling. Thanks for sticking through this Brain Dump while I process.

-Edit 2:

More things i'm recalling: For Christmas one year in front of my whole family (I was between 8-10 ish) she got me a set of underwear with the days of the week labeled on them and told me in front of everyone that "Maybe this would help me remember [to change my underwear daily]..."

One of my final years in high school I somehow managed to get a Cold Sore. My First Cold Sore ever and my lip where it broke out swelled up HUGE. I woke up the day it appeared ( a weekend thank the gods) and horrified went downstairs to tell my mom about it. I don't recall any words of sympathy other than "Cold Sores are caused by Herpes." I just remember breaking down into tears.

I mapped out a "Quiet Walking Path" that avoided all the creaky floorboards and steps in our house.

I get extremely anxious whenever I would hear my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. It got to the point that I could distinguish their steps on Carpet.

I jump/flinch (visibly) at loud noises, even if I know they are coming (movies songs ect.)

Routinely friended/unfriended me on Facebook before deleting it entirely (due to 2018 spying/hacking allegations)

I don't know if she means for these things to be hurtful but as someone who doesn't enjoy confrontation and is extremely sensitive to others feelings it just hurts y'know?

-edit 3: Attempted to talk to mom about her saying she hoped we'd fail via email. went about as well as expected. =Well, that clears a lot of things up. We only wanted you to be independent and happy, and it appears you are. End of story!

And for what it’s worth, I’ve said a LOT of things over the past 6 years that you didn’t hear about. And I’m not really sure where you heard “I hope they fail.” But I’m sure your source is 100%, and certainly not something you’d want to clarify with me.

I hope you got your apartment all squared away in Colorado. You should be under the 60-day notice by now! Woo hoo!

Let me know when you all are coming to get your stuff out of the house.

I’ll have it packed and ready for you.

-Mom

Am i reading into this too much? because it sounds like she's being hella passive aggressive about this.

-Edit 4: 7-19-18 Been venting about wedding planning being stressful on fb away from my mom since she doesn't have one anymore. I didn't realize she had fms reporting to her about my posts as she just randomly mentions via text that she wants to help me have fun while planning and that she wishes she could make it a happy time for me.

Edit 5: 9-26-18 Wedding is over finally. had our honeymoon and got moved out of our apartment back into my MIL's house. During the move we had to put all of our stuff into storage which includes Wedding gifts and thankyou notes. So Mom has been hounding me about getting them done and i've informed her several times that all of that is in storage and i havent been able to yet. She said not an excuse go buy more thankyou notes and write them all. I asked if Emailing a thank you would work, she says no must be hand written and mailed out (also who's paying for 100+ stamps: Me) Well Tonight she informs me that she's doing all the ones from her/my side and that she doesn't care if we do them for DH's side since SIL didn't send any thank you notes either. Cue big long talk with DH about all of this and he says not to worry about her being passive aggressive like this. Go and check my Email to find she sent an Email to me only with writing saying

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for attending --- wedding. Your presence was so important to me, and I know to the kids as well. Thank you also for the lovely wedding gifts you sent or brought. I know they are appreciated and will be enjoyed by the newlyweds. It was very kind and generous of you!

Unfortunately, --- is unable to send thank you notes, but I did want you to know that your gifts, and your presence at the celebration, were very important to all of us, and very much appreciated.

Fondly,

MOM"

currently I'm choosing not to respond and I wonder how our relationship is going to be going forward from all of this... I was so happy that the wedding was over so i wouldn't have to deal with this petty drama bullshit anymore but I guess thats just too much to ask for.

-She's also unfriended me on facebook again. I'm tempted to just block her to stop this wishy washy stuff from happening again.

#Personal #DO NOT REBLOG #I will block you if you reblog this #Vent for myself #i don't know what to do anymore #Mom #Mom Vent #i hope i dont have to update this anymore #but we'll see #venting post #PERSONAL VENT #PARENTS #Emotional Abuse #Mental Abuse

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