#reallllyyyy long post

[leikeliscomet]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

EDIT: U lot really like this post huh. Well it's blown up again and the point's been lost so let's wrap that up:

'But op, some asexuals DO have sex/I'm an acespec that has sex/I'm a non asexual person what about meeee :(' pt 2, pt 3

'There's asexual studies OP??/Where's the asexual studies OP?'

[space-blue]

Zevlor posting ... again

DID YOU KNOW.... That if you zoom into his face, you can see the flames of his iris actually go all over his eyeball???

The view from zooming into the back of his head is creepy :

the view as you go to peck his forehead with the kisses he deserves.

His blue flame is just very sexy...

Dramatic horns and flaming eyes also makes for a gorgeous outline...

So I was playing with my settings, as I have (obviously) some mods, including for camera movement, that are great but piss to manipulare. And when I went to remove his armour he was suddenly naked, just in boots? No camp clothes. Not sure how that works as they usually have to be manually removed on my vanilla save. But could not complain on some of the shots I obtained as a result :

The long version of Gale's wizardly updo reallllyyyy fits him!!

Oopsie don't drop your brain, silly!!

Give that old man a headache.

Those colours are perfect for him. Fuck. I'm falling in love all over again.

[that-gay-gal]

Redrew some old art :3

Wowzers I haven’t posted in a while. Probably cuz I’ve been fixating on Batman stuff

The said old art is under the cut because I don’t want to force anyone to see how bad it is since it physically pains me to look at it

The redraw coulda been better but eh

Im reallllyyyy hoping this is how mirrors work cause idk how mirror

Anyway have a coolio rest of your day y’all

Edit: starts hysterically sobbing bc I DID mess up how mirrors work

Guys don’t be like me. Learn how mirrors work. This took me way to long to realize that I done f’d it up

WHYYY AM I SO DUMB

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

tldr: the story of how i figured out im gay and why i relate to byler so much. aka why its good rep

this was not supposed to be this long

my best friend doesnt like stranger things bc she thinks the metaphorical texture of the show is gross feeling(valid) but she follows me on here and has had to block the byler tag bc its all i post about these days and shes not into it.

anyways it made me think about why i love byler so much and it definitely has to do with the fact that as a queer person i relate super heavily to their story. being gay is way more acceptable now and i was born in 07 so its not like its was considered a death sentence to be gay in general. however i grew up in the classical church. my mom was part of a religious cult in highschool and i was my parents first kid and they were super protective of me. Im also autistic and i spent most of my childhood very worried about doing and acting the right way to make people accept me. my parents favorite story to tell people about my childhood is that when i finally graduated my crib and got a toddler bed they were worried that i would never let them sleep again. that didnt happen tho, in fact i refused to get out of bed with out express permission and would lay there until they came told me i could get up.

id like to say that i was homophobic growing up but not in the traditional sense. it was more that i was actually afraid of gay people. No one around me ever really said anything blatantly homophobic or had radical ideas about the subject but we were so deep into the church and i was always afraid of everything. when i was in elementary school we would do drills. call and response cult like stuff. theyd ask us to define sin and wed spout off this memorized line about going agaisnt gods will in action or thought or intention. i didnt even know what a gay meant until i got to middle school and the entire idea terrified me. because thats not allowed and when someone brings it up all the adults get that one look on their face and the pastor says that homosexuality is a sin or wtv.

i had this one friend, lets call her jane, at the time. i really liked her but she was kind of a delinquent, she didnt have the best home life and she was kind if an angry kid so when she came out to our friend group as bisexual in i think 7th grade, we (the rest of the group was v religious ) were concerned about it but not really surprised. we werent supportive but we werent angry either. it was more like we werent sure what to do. she had always been a problem child so it didnt seem to out of the blue for someone like her to like girls so we just kind of tried not to talk about it again.

I was a pretty big drama kid at the time( still am) (i swear i have a point to this) and i became friends with this one girl. lets call her belle. anyways i reallllyyyy liked belle i dont think i had a crush on her but i thought she was really cool and fun and liked hanging around her. we werent really close much to my past and present dismay but when i did hang out with her i always had a fun time. a few years later she told me that she was bisexual. this pretty much broke my little brain. because belle was cool and fun and normal and it was the first time when i realized that maybe there was something wrong with the way my church worked. they had to be wrong because there was no way belle was evil and going to hell. i loved being friends with her and i couldn't accept the fact that her liking girls changed anything. she still felt like the same person. still the topic was terrifying to me, i was so afraid that i was wrong or maybe just not smart enough to see the truth. so many people around me that i grew up being told knew what was right, knew what god was telling us said that it was wrong so maybe i just didnt get it. maybe i wasnt close enough to god to understand what made gay people so bad. still something changed from then and the next year i ended up being close to this girl, lets call her beth, (all my other friends had either moved on or were on different sides of our grade and tbh i was terrified of her but i had no one else). Anyways beth also had a crazy homelife she talked a lot about how she hated her family and how she would kill her dad if she could. she also ate highlighters, just drew on her tongue, and sold pictures of her feet on instagram to make money. needless to say as soon as i hit highschool i never spoke to her again, she freaked me out. anyway one day me and beth were walking at recess and she turns to me and tells me that im gay. i knew she was pan at this point and i didnt really care though looking back on it she was definitely flirting with me. I got freaked out and told her there was no way i was gay and assumed that she just wanted me to like her back but id had a crush on a guy before so i couldnt be gay.

speaking of this guy, he sat next to belle in my science class in 6th grade. i sat behind them and they were good friends. we were sort of a trio in that class and i thought he was really nice and funny. he was the first guy id ever been friends with and i assumed that the fact that i enjoyed hanging out with him and having fun meant that i must have a crush on him. because girls and boys cant just be friends. thats what everyone always said at least. one day we were texting and he told me that he liked me and wanted to go out. i csnt describe the feeling i got then. it was this werid mix of anxiety and fear and knowing that i should be excited but instead i was disappointed. and i didnt know why. i told him i wasnt allowed to date til 16 and if he still wanted me then whe could date then. i cried about it for almost a year. which doesnt make any sense because i rejected him not the other way around. but i felt heartbroken. im still not really sure why.

when beth told me i was gay i p much told her to f off in the most good christian way possible but i still thought about it. the idea felt so overwhelming and i couldnt think about it without wanting to have a panic attack so i stopped thinking about it. then i had a gay dream about jane and honestly i should have figured it out then but somehow i completely disregarded.

i changed schools for high school so i was with a lot of new people. i wanted a fresh start. at the time i felt like id been pretending to be someone else for my whole life and i hoped that starting over would help me find myself or something. I always sort of knew i was different from other kids i never felt like we had much in common or something but i could never put a finger of what it was (it was the autism). when i started highschool my main goal was to make friends on my own and conquer my social anxiety when had been crippling throughout middle and elementary. i ended up meeting this girl, lets call her cassie, (so many people ikik) and we became super close. she had a lot of issues as well bc apparently i attract unstable people. she was by far the worst id dealt with though. she was suicidal, ocd, anorexic and hurt her self a lot. it was a very codependent friendship but we were attached at the hip. she was my whole world at the time, nothing else really mattered more than her not killing herself. one day we were texting after midnight and she told me that she thought she might be bisexual and i told her a didnt care. i really didnt care i was more worried about her killing herself. she said she had a crush on someone but wouldnt tell me who and i let the topic die.

then heartstopper came out on netflix and i got DEAD sick. i couldnt even speak. it was very bad. anyways i had a computer at this point and was looking for something to watch. i settled on heartstopper because id heard so many good things about it and i was morbidly( at the time) curious. i watched the entire show in one sitting. i was scared my mom would find out and when she did find out she gave me this hesitant look and said she didnt love the idea of me watching that kind of stuff. i watched it anyways. i was mesmerized dude. the scene of nick nelson in his bedroom, on the verge of tears searching the internet for anwsers was so powerful to me and it was like something clicked in my brain.

what if i am gay??

id never let myself actually ask mysrlf that before. id never dared to even think it was a possibility because of course im straight. id know if i liked girls. but i sat there dead sick and dying slowly and looked over at my book case at all my favorite books. i looked up on youtube how to tell if your bisexual (bc ofc i like guys duh) and it said something about thinking about how you feel about fictional characters and i sat and i thought. it was a very overwhelming week. i thought back to middle school and the strange possessiveness i had over my best friend at the time, the feeling of hurt i always seemed to have when she hung out with someone else. i hated that part of myself. i felt validated in my feelings at the time but i never knew why i felt that way and it felt unfair to her.

at the time i was talking to a guy. he was nice and pretty chill but i sort of knew i didnt like him the way he liked me. i wanted to though. i wanted to like him so freaking badly. so i kept taking to him. id be on the phone with him for 5 hours just talking about nothing and tell myself that this was what its like to like someone. it wasnt a bad experience, he was nice and i liked to talk to him. but i didnt have feelings for him. one night i texted cassie back and told her that maybe i was bi too. she was from a christian household too and we talked for a while one what we should do.

my parents have always had this policy of being honest with each other when sometbing happens in our lives. which i think is pretty normal but my autistic ahh took it very seriously. almost as soon as i started questioning i told them. bad idea, was not ready. i was so scared that somehow theyd look at me and figure out that i was thinking about it, and that theyd be mad that i didnt talk to them about it. i said it at dinner and there was legit forks dropped. my mom took me on a 2 hour long walk to try and explain myself which was HELL because i couldnt even understand what was going on.

"why do you think you like girls??"

"idk"

they eventually dropped the subject.

soon after that me and cassies relationship started to get werid. after being so codependent for so long we had thsi strange sort of toxic need for each other to be sane or something. she confessed that she had a crush on me and i really wasnt sure how to feel about it. she was so important to me and the trauma and confusion and drama of our friendship got all jumbled in my head and we fell into some sort of homo romantic something. we never did anything besides holding hands a few times, but we did that before either of us came out anyways. we went to summer camp summer after freshmen year and shit really hit the fan and we ended up having a friendship breakup. she told me afterwards that she was a devoted christian now, that god had saved her from herself and that now she was straight. i was really lost the rest of that summer. i wasnt sure what to do at all, who i was or what i was supposed to do now that i left the person i had dedicated the past year of my life and my mental health too. i was really suicidal for a few months after that but slowly i got better.

second semester of sophomore year i had my first real crush on one of my close friends at the time. she was straight which sucked but those 6 months of my life were some of the most terrible exhilarating experiences of my life. thats how i knew i wasnt wrong. bc theres no heterosexual option for wanting to make out with a girl in a dirty school bathroom stall.

it was hard though, being in love with someone you know will never feel that way about you. even if at the time i had mostly gotten over the majority of my internalized homophobia theres still that feeling of guilt. you feel so gross and creepy and unwanted. this person doesnt want you, they dont even want your gender but you cant let it go. its a very lonely feeling.

it was around the same time that i figured out that i was a lesbian. after i felt what it was like to like someone, really like someone. to be able to identify that feeling as romantic feelings, it was pretty obvious that i didnt like guys. i felt really bad about the guy i was talking too. he had no idea and id just heen leading him on for almost a year. i felt super shitty about it.

idk if that was coherent but i guess thats why i love byler so much. it feels so raw and real to me. i watch the van scene and i see myself. i see how hard it was and how much i hated myself and wanted so badly to be normal and to be able to talk about boys with my friends without feeling uncomfortable. i see the way mike is with el and i see myself with that boy from middle school. so desperate for affection and so so confused. this feeling of guilt and regret, the heartbreak of loosing someone that you couldve had but you dont want. i want to want it but i dont and its so heartbreaking.

i almost think its a worse feeling that being broken up with. i fell in love with a girl recently and she ended up ending things. i was super upset about it cried for a long time. but still. its not the same hurt. it hurts but its not the same deep primal hurt. sitting on my bathroom floor at 13 years old sobbing my eyes out because im not with a boy that i rejected. wishing that things were different but not wanting to actually change. i broke my own heart and i didnt even mean too

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Ooh in one of your posts you said Jeff would like a larger/plus sized partner to fill up the space in his arms, do you think he would also like a strong or muscular partner for that same reason? :3

I think that would be true, yeah. I think Jeff just reallllyyyy likes squeezing things to calm himself down and relax, and so I think so long as whatever or whomever he’s squeezing fills up his arms it makes him happy because he’s not as scared about squeezing someone too hard :)

[missamyrisa2]

Have you ever tried self-tickling? Tell us about it if you have!

oh my goshhhh yessss I have self tickled soooo much ~~ I first found I could tickle the inner sole of my feet with light touches and especially the edge of my fingernail. This also worked well on the hottest zones of my tummy, like swirling in crescent shapes down the area between my sides and bellybutton~

My self tickle game reallllyyy picked up when I discovered I could use feathers~ it was on a same day when a girl had been tickling and teasing my feet ~ I was buried in the sand and she was playing around putting feathers and seaweed and shells and such between my toes ~~ after I was sooo ~tickle sparked~ that I found a secluded spot and started using one of the feathers to tickle my soles and legs and belly~ the grains of sand sort of added a layer of sensation that made me giggle out in squeaks~

I also tried this once with long blades of grass~ gliding them on my sides and ribs and under my toes as I mmh ~ this is so bad ~ but I had taken a walk in a secluded park and found this meadow so I stripped down and tickled myself like that until I was a writhing mess feeling like every bit of the breeze and grass was teasing me~

This reallllyyyy ramped up the day I decided to try taking the feather to my royal areas ~ I was inspired by this story I had recently discovered where a bodybuilder girl dominates a peeping Tom with tickles and then holds him tight and torments his rod with a feather which is described as this terrible teasing itch ~ and it has such an effect on me too, the light wicked tickle of a feather makes my queen part so quickly swell and throb in protest ~ I think I posted some gifs of that on my old Tumblr but I'm sure theyre long flagged and deleted~

When my hair has been long enough I loveeee to put it in braids and use the soft tips to tickle myself~ that touch makes me giggle squeak like crazyyyy on the navel or my royal chest buttons or queen part~

Makeup brushes get me more amorous and blushy with self tickles but sometimes I can get myself giggly using them on my sides or neck or face~

My most ridiculous experiment was dragging the cold metal of one of my oversized belts over my tummy like a pendulum so it was this shock of smooth material and the gentle jingle making me snicker and squeal so much~

And of course there's the magic wand self tickles~ I posted the audio that one time, I giggle out madly with moans when taking the wand to my death spot and especially when through layers of soft material~

Lately I've wanted to try my electric tooth brush on my royal area through some soft tight undies eeee~

[mellaga-karagani]

Hey!

How are you doing? I hope great :) I just wanted to ask about @allari-ammayi. She hasn’t been posting lately so I was concerned, pardon me if I sound nosy but it’s just that she made me feel happy and made me feel better about my traditions and customs through her work. I hope she’s doing well, please do inform us about her state!! I love your work and hers too 🥹🩷

Thank you ☺️

Hiii!!! Omg that's so sweet of you 😭😭 and you're completely right, she also made me feel so happy to accept my customs. At age 16 you'd expect most indian girls in foreign countries to deny their cultures as much as possible but @allari-ammayi naturally finds everything about her, her traditions, and her people beautiful despite having lived in Australia for almost ten years. It makes me so happy that people like her exist on this platform and encourage other young desi girls to embrace themselves.

Since she's in a pretty important stage of her education, she took a short break to focus on her studies! But fear not!!!! She will be back reallllyyyy soon since her exams are only two or three weeks from now.

BUT OMG THOUGH THAT LITTLE PEST REALLY LIVED UP TO HER NAME, DISAPPEARING OFF HER OWN PLATFORM FOR SO LONG WITHOUT A SINGLE WORD, LIKE SHE IS A TRUE ALLARI AMMAYI BRO LMAO 💀💀😭😭

[spookyserenades]

i don’t even know what to say after that chapter!!!! first off i started rereading from chapter 1 on the 6th and i didn’t finish until this morning (the 9th) 😭 girl you’ve written so much i’m just/// HOW? ALSO i had just finished rereading ch8 when you posted the new chapter and i had a genuine debate with myself about continuing in order or going right to 14 and i was alllmost good but i had just waited a month you know???? a girl’s gotta eat.

i honestly knocked right out after reading it, as much as i love mess i was NOT ready to process it and just went straight back to reading in the correct order the next morning. and now i’m here and i’ve read it a second time and Fuck.

my first semi-coherent thought is yoongi with his dark long hair in just sweatpants and a chain necklace is absolutely sinful i almost can’t breathe picturing it 😮‍💨 also he was Not on his best behavior this chapter lmaooo i love how confident and hot he is like MC is his girl but right in front of poor tae!!!!?! and then seokjin in the first half of the chapter (before my poor lovebug disappeared 🥺) was 🔥🔥. we’ve seen little sneak peaks of this side of him before but omg when he called her pretty girl i was like yes! jin i’m your pretty girl 💀

also much more tame but i love LOVE the mystery van duo they’re just so cute in there and i giggle at the jokes made at their expense. and i’m so excited to see joon and ggukie spend more time with mc (mayyyybe in dangerous situations where they mayyyybe feel protective of her idk idk) also this line: “Namjoon froze, before his expression dissolved into pure excitement, something Y/N hardly ever saw on his face unless there was some kind of pastry in front of him.” i snorted let the poor boy live?? joon was really just an overgrown puppy that scene.

and then my gentle cowboy (sorry jimin)!!!!! i’ve missed him so much. i loved the time him and mc spent with the horses and i’m reallyyy curious to know how he feels about mc and yoongi being together. like he was distancing himself bc he had a feeling but why? bc it made him uncomfortable? was it really just bc he was sad mc didn’t trust him? i know you can’t really answer but like i’m shaking my little coin can at you and asking humbly.

then there’s foxy who’s good at pretending like nothing bothers him but he definitely Seemed bothered when he first found out even if he covered it up and is going about like nothing’s different. which brings me to my baby bear!!!! 😭😭😭 oh taehyung :( what a way to end the chapter, if didn’t live for drama i’d be blocking you and throwing my phone 😅 i just need it to be march already, like thank god this is the shortest month lol —🪶

fjkdslafjda Hello love!!! LMAO You're right I've written so much I can hardly believe it,,, usually I'm one who struggles to finish my WIPs so I'm amazed that I've written this much for one story 💀

AHH I can't believe you read through all the chapters before the latest update oh my goodness!! I admire your speedy reading bestie ✨ OOF YEAH the visual of long haired Yoongi.. chain, sweats, no shirt... My new Roman Empire tbh. I'd totally eat him alive. He's also definitely eating up the fact that he's the only one who gets to kiss her (amongst other things lol) Poor Jin. I think he was gearing up to confess to her, and now he doesn't know WHAT to do 😭 But besides that, mmm the "pretty girl" term of endearment reallllyyyy does it for me, too. Especially hearing it from Seokjin.

THE MYSTERY GANG! I'm so excited for their upcoming adventures. I've wanted to get to this plot arc for so so so long, and finally it's here! I love the interactions between JK and Joon sm, too, they tick each other off but I think they're comfortable with one another. OO you BET they'll find themselves in dangerous situations, and between JK and wolf Joon, they'll fight tooth and nail to keep Y/N safe (hot). Joon loves his sweets, in Trouvaille and in IRL!!!

Jimin 🥺 He finally got a good scene this past update, I've missed him too! I said in a previous ask that when springtime rolls around, there will definitely be more scenes with him outside. They have to plant their little garden, and go for rides around the property! As for him with Yoongi/Y/N, I think Jimin was a little disappointed that he wasn't confided in, and perhaps thought that Y/N did deem him as trustworthy with that information :(

Oh yeah, Hoseok was definitely clocked! He's used to being so quick and clever, so I think him not being able to figure out that they were sneaking around made him feel weird. That said, Hoseok is quick to recover and roll with the punches. I think his friendship with Y/N is too important to him to risk being outwardly upset.... which leads me to Tae. Poor bastard 💀 He's totally one of the more jealous ones, and I think like Jimin, was disturbed that he wasn't told right away. I live for drama, too bestie!!! Wouldn't be Trouvaille if there weren't cliffhangers every update!

Thank you for reading the newest update and sending me your love and thoughts, I loved hearing all of your theories 🥺💜

[our-library]

were luna!! our main blog is lunar-lair, and we go by luna there, too, but we keep things hush-hush there to be safe (and because weve had that blog since we were 12 so we have a lot of followers oops). if youre a friend we linked to this blog, hi hello!! if youre someone we dont know well yet, welcome!

(info under read more; got a lil long lmao)

-youre free to ask system related questions! we make no promises on any real, solid answers, though, because were kind of clueless on a lot of stuff ourselves. experiences are sometimes something we can answer, but our memory is real extra bad so no promises there either, oops

-bodily 19, but we have a lot of ages up in this noggin!

-well update this if or when we figure that stuff out, but we dont really have frequent fronters cause our organization is reallllyyyy bad so far. well probably have people make intro posts as they front, but well see! if we do, well link a collection post or something.

-weve known for about 3 years? or ummm. 2021...yeah 3! were pretty sure its did and not osdd, the former just matches up more. we dont really know a whole ton though cause we learned a bunch and then forgot it all cause we started masking really heavily again the summer after we figured things out. oops.

-for more clarification on names, generally if we type like this or we dont clarify at all, we just go by luna as a whole system name. a lot of us type differently than others, though.

-as a unit, we identify as genderfluid because it fits us as a whole best/its the easiest thing to tell people, but we have a whole range of gender identities between all of us! we could probably give you an account, however secondhand, of a lot of different gender experiences. regardless, if we dont specify, were technically genderfluid, and if you ask us on the main blog, thats what well tell you.

-dont be surprised if the profile color changes a lot, were still feeling out what our collective favorite is! the main blog is only really purple because we all kind of like it/its been like that for forever/were "known" for that and have been our whole life. were trying to see what fits best overall, though!

[the-necessary-unnecessary]

Hi, i want to share some thoughts and you and your blog always been one you can do it in so i hope it's o.k with you. I read lately a lot of articles about stats of Arsenal players that also comparing players stats. I think when you do so you have to consider the positions of these players during the seasons and the no. of touches they made cuz if you don't you're manipulate the stats and hurt the more versatile players in the team If i take the attack players (RW, AM, LW) and compare (1/_)

their touches or the touches in the box it obviously will show that the AM have more of these two because she is in a central position And with an Arsenal-style attack that is based on possession and not counter attacks you have to go through the midfield so the AM will always be the one with more touches in the box or outside it if you compare her with the Wingers ( I took the CF out cuz her role is to be in the box the most and the target for the last pass), this and more especially when you have players in attack that play the same position all season and you compare them with players that played also in other positions during the season (more deep in midfield like CDM and so) because an injury problem in the team. The truth is that by this they hurt their own stats (and its o.k cuz the team is first) but in the same time they not got any credit about their versatility (Dom, DvD and so) unless you are an english player and then you will get all the glory for your versatility. 

In any case, the versatility of these players has become like something obvious for the fans and media (just think we don't have these players that playing very good in a lot of positions when we have a injury problem) and this is were they're IMO very underrated because the media and fans tend to form an opinion a player based on stats mostly and when you not consider these things it's wrong one cuz like i said their stats will be all over the place when you compare them to a player that played one position all season. 

second thing is that like i said the more central you position is the more touches you will make so no doubt you have more opportunities to create especially cuz all the field is open for you in central and you have a lot of options. thats why i think that if you compare AM with Wingers you need to base it on also on touches and not based only pr 90 min. for exp. Nobbs started in 12 games and DvD in 14 but they have almost the same no. of touches (around 840) and if you take this number and consider that DvD played also as winger and CM/DCM during the season and only her stats almost similar to Nobbs i say her numbers is more impressive ( 24/20 kp, 7/6 gca, 36/43 sca). I choose to read the stats not as pr 90 min cuz their touches on the ball is almost similar and to take in account that DvD played in 4 different positions during the season it all depends how you choose to read the stats and if you take other things in consideration. also don't forget that the writers is also biased with some players they want to hype (cuz nationality or so). I'm very very sorry the ask is so long 👀👀👀it's horrible i know 🙈🙈🙈 and i'm sorry for my English too (7/7).

For exp of how the media is biased in England: no one talk about Bloodworth last season when she played as CB, LB and CDM but don't stop talking about Willamson this season when she played the same positions. Also they didn't stop talking about Nobbs stats last season with 8 starts and 9 goals/ 3 assist but didn't say a word about DvD with 11 starts and 10 goals/ 3 assist and her and Dom filling every position in midfield (she start as a winger) cuz of the injuries of Nobbs, Little and Lia.

Don’t apologise at all for anything this is all very interesting and I always like to read you opinion on things! You raise some interesting points here, the ones about stats and needing context to be taken into proper consideration has been touched on before but not so much in relation to the context with other players. I agree that it’s a dangerous game you play when you start to compare two players with the same stats that don’t necessarily play in the same position. Each player functions as a different part which makes up the general team machinery, you don’t want two parts that are the same as in that case one of them becomes redundant and the team loses some of that originality and individuality. So comparing two players on the same stats, unless they play in the same position or want to compare how different positions utilise different assets, is not the best way forward without taking into account playing context.

Your focus on versatility over stats it’s also an interesting one. I think they can be mutually beneficial at times and wouldn’t say that versatility is the be all and end all. Some people specialise in one position and it would be nonsensical to put them anywhere else because they’re so good at it - Viv is the best example here and beth to an extend since she practically only ever plays on the wing now. Also, unless you really are a versatile player then there’s no benefit of putting someone out of position if they’re not going excel as much there (jack of all trades master of none and all that). However, I agree with you in the fact that versatility is another important context that needs to be taken into account when looking at stats. 

Also, the bit about some players having their versatility taken for granted whilst other play out of their normal position and get really praised by it raises an important point about bias. I definitely agree that there are some players that get a lot more hype than others, some of it is justifed and some of it is excessive, but I also think it’s a natural thing which comes with any sports team/other group thing. At Arsenal I do imagine you’re on to something with the nationality, it’s an English team so it makes sense that a lot of people will get behind the English players (whether this is fair/right or not is another issue), and also just the English-speaking players in general since they are able to build a wider rapport with their audiences and command the crowd more. Daan I see more hype about the versatility but maybe it is more taken for granted than whenever Leah plays out of CB - I think how much Daan plays out of position compared to Leah might also be a reason behind this though. Idk it’s a very interesting point and I must say I hadn’t thought about nationality bias as much as I’d thought about general player bias, so I’ll definitely keep that in mind and be on the look out for it from now on. Thank you once again for all your thoughts, and you English was great :) 

[oliverthesquid]

Detective Terukane AU idea??

Okay so I was having Terukane brainrot and i came up with this whole AU about them that I reallllyyyy wanna write a fanfic but i have no idea how to start or if people would even like it so I decided to post about it on here in hopes to get some responses/support as well as some help if possible! What I have written below is my ideas so far. They’re a bit messy , not really organized, and i say maybe a lot because I’m not sure if they’re even good ideas but please take a look if you’re interested!

on a unrelated but related note, if you’re interested in this AU and would like to see me write about it please tell me/talk to me so I can have some sort of motivation to make this happen! Also If you have ideas/suggestions/critiques please tell me as well because I’m kind of a beginner when it comes to writing and suggestions could mean a lot! I need all the help I can get!!

Now onto the actual AU

Basics:

Basically Akane is a thief or some sort of criminal and Teru is the top detective in the department and catches him. However, he needs his help to get to the bottom of a case that theyre working on and getting help from an inside source such as akane could help drastically. Somehow(idk how yet) teru manages to get akane to agree to help him

possible moments/ideas for this??:

akane gets shot while they’re chasing a criminal to get to the bottom of the case and Teru lets the criminal escape so he can help Akane (and obviously he gets all confused about it because he just let a criminal go to save another criminal somebody that he should hate)

Its nighttime and they go outside. Akane decides to show Teru his favorite spots hang out which are specifically the rooftops where they can look down at the city below. They admire the scenery together and maybe they have to walk across a tightrope to get to certain spots and teru is maybe a little scared (but he wont admit it). However, akane holds him steady and helps him across (sort of like in the book rooftoppers??)

Guys what if,,, they kiss on the rooftops in the moonlight that would be really cool i think

Both of them are pining but are in denial

A lot of them just bugging each-other and its really cute

Instead of the school mysteries theyre all sort of criminals and they each have like a specialty according to what their rumor was/is

Instead of “president minamoto/teru” its detective minamoto/teru

Maybe the have to go to a bar for some reason and somebody slips something into akane’s drink without him noticing. Teru obviously has to help him and get him out of there

Akane hangs on top of the rooftops a lot especially when hes sad or thinking

Teru getting scared of getting attached to people

something to do with Akane’s childhood and why he joined the clockeepers. Possible idea for why he joined them is that maybe he was an orphan as a kid and they somehow tricked him into joining them? (like in the manga) but despite that hes still with them after many years and they’re all pretty close friends

Relating to the orphan akane idea; maybe as a child akane got to know and be friends with aoi (female) and started developing a crush on her. However, after he joined the clock keepers he started to see and talk to her less and less. He still has feelings for her (not for long 👀) but has never told her how he feels. Since hes a criminal now he cant bear to face her like that so he just watches and admires her from afar.

One day teru and akane are out doing work on the case or whatever and akane spots aoi at a cafe. He sort of grabs teru and sits him down at a table nearby so he can observe aoi. (Basically she’s out with one of her male friends and later the guy confesses to aoi but she rejects him) Teru asks him whats going on and Akane tells him about her and his feelings for her. However he admits that she’ll probably never like him but he’s just watching her from afar (that one line akane says about aoi before he saves her and reveals himself as the clock keeper in the manga) Teru starts to feel jealous but he doesn’t know why. Why should he feel jealous? It’s not like he likes Akane... Oh shit.

maybe the criminal theyre trying to catch is Hanako?? (since in the manga is the leader of the seven mysteries so here he would also be like the leader) and also!! If the criminal they’re trying to catch is Hanako: Teru is trying to catch Hanako because his boss told him to. However, it turns out that his boss is Tsukasa (but he doesnt know this) and Tsukasa is trying to get reuinted with Hanako (same sort of relationship as in the manga) through the means of catching him with the police. Possibly Akane discovers this and tell Teru. Teru struggles about what he should do and Akane helps him through)

Instead of the school mysteries theyre all sort of criminals and they each have like a specialty according to what their rumor was/is

(idea) the 4 pm bookstack are instead a base where tsuchusgusmori has information on basically everyone and everything. For the right price, he’ll give anyone that information

(idea) the clock keepers are instead a little band of thiefs who live on top of a huge clock tower (or something and thats why theyre known as the clock keepers) obviously, akane is a part of that band

(Yako/ misaki stairs idea ) maybe way too dark for the story but yako runs a tiny little doll shop in the city but underground, its access into any area and any exclusive event possible (because her boundary is space). She can get you into practically everything including private rooms with security ect. however she won’t get you out, you have to figure out how to get back on your own. And the price to get into one of these places is a human body part. The harder it is to get into the higher the price is. (so like low class events would be like a finger, blood, ect. And super high class events would be like an arm, a head, eyes) shes gathering bodyparts to possible revive/recreate her dead lover (miskai)

[mooniefics]

okkk ermmm here have this blurb,, bc my brain is feeling so clogged rn and i’ve been seeing jean n connie content all over tiktok (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b  lowkey cucking connie here, lowkey more jean-centric, but i feel like connie would be the type to reluctantly admit that seeing u feeling good bc of another guy (especially one that y'all r good friends with) would reallllyyyy get him going LOL

you couldn’t quite remember how you’d gotten yourself into your current position.

not to say that you weren't enjoying it—that was definitely not the case. you’d become accustomed to plans going awry, like when jean had accidentally ordered a two hundred dollar champagne bottle at the club, just to drop it to the floor immediately after the scantily clad waitress taking care of your group had handed it to him, or the time that you’d made a stop for fast food on your night as designated driver and had to order connie to physically restrain sasha before she crawled through the drive-thru window and terrorized the night staff. but for the most part, every evening out ended with all of your friends going home in one piece, sometimes jean or sasha crashing at you and connie’s apartment when you were truly worried for their health post binge-drinking.

though, you couldn’t recall a night when connie had been so insistent for you to wear one of your more revealing dresses, or so openly enjoying the way jean had draped himself across you on the dance floor, doing nothing at all to intervene when he ran his hands down your body or pressed himself close enough to you that you could feel the length of his cock through his pants against your ass. you thought he had always been jealous type, usually shooing his friend away from you or shouting for him to back off with a flushed scowl etched into his features. but the way he was looking at the two of you as you danced, low-lidded eyes filled with a hunger you’d helped sate countless times before—you knew the revelation meant trouble.

the entire night had started to melt together into one continuous blur after sasha managed to talk you into downing more than enough shots of vodka to make anyone’s head spin, the only thing occupying your senses being the warmth of jean behind you, how with each sway of your hips your boyfriend’s gaze would become more and more intense, solely focused on you and his best friend’s flagrant display. somehow, you’d all made your way back to the apartment, leaving sasha in nikolo’s care after she begged to stay for a bit longer. through the mess of grabbing hands and hushed words, jean tugging you one way only for connie to pull you back to him, uncoordinated fingers unzipping and unclipping every article of clothing they could find, they’d managed to leave you completely at their mercy.

“shit, jean. you’re makin’ me kinda jealous..” connie muttered, words stringing together with obvious inebriation, one hand pinching at one of your nipples while the other kept a firm hold on your jaw, turning your head over your shoulder to face him. 

he drew you back into another heated kiss before you could blink away the fog of arousal from your glassy eyes, muffling another whimper from jean’s tongue and it’s relentless motions over your clit. as if his slender fingers alone weren’t enough to make your vision spot with stars, he was ridiculously good with his mouth, leaving you a writhing, dripping mess in connie’s lap.

“not my fault i’m better at making her feel good.” jean snarked from between your legs, not stopping the snap of his wrist as he bit into the already marked flesh of your thigh, drawing another moan over connie’s lips, “maybe you should share with me more often, jus’ so she doesn’t get bored of sucking you off an’ getting nothing in return.”

“oh fuck off, you know that’s not true you fuckin’ ass.” your boyfriend grunted, tone taking on the typical aggression it had when he felt jean was getting too handsy with you, but doing nothing to actually stop him as he returned to kissing at your neck.

you allowed your back to rest against connie’s chest, a shaking hand working into jean’s hair, tangling in the thick, blonde locks when he crooked his fingers up into that terrible sensitive spot he’d been teasing as soon as he'd found it, hazel irises hungrily taking in your disoriented expression.

“’s okay, you can be honest with me.” he grinned, lips and chin drenched in the evidence of your arousal, “tell me the truth, baby.. i’ll let you cum on my fingers.”

“don’t tell him shit.” connie growled back, both hands squeezing at the soft flesh of your breasts, rolling your nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

if you were more sober, you would’ve acknowledged the fact that he would probably let you cum either way, but the stifled judgement planted the thought of an unwavering ultimatum in your mind, the idea that you might not ever get to taste the relief that lay beyond the mounting pressure in your abdomen, drawn tight enough that you felt as if you could snap at any moment. 

“p-please connie..!” you whined, grinding yourself down against his crotch in an attempt to appease him, fingers latching onto his wrist and pushing a hand further over your chest, words slurred and desperate, “need t’.. need to c-cum, please please please...”

“then tell me,” jean pulled your attention back down to him, licking his wet lips, pupils blown wide, “who's better at eating this pussy? him, or me?”

he barely gave any room for a response, free hand pressing into one of your thighs to make enough room for him to return to his previous position of lapping at your clit, pushing a mindless, strained response from your parted lips, “you—f-fuck—you! y-you’re better!!”

you couldn’t think to tune into connie’s upset exclamations as your head slumped back to rest on his shoulder, hips pressing up into jean’s skillful tongue and fingers, eyes squeezing shut as you moaned out a rambled string of curses, lips barely able to form around each syllable. any kind of control you held on your volume escaped you entirely, the hand in jean’s hair gripping tight as you nearly screamed, trembling and gasping, cumming around his fingers just like he promised you would.

your chest heaved in connie’s hands, body shakily lowering itself back against him, very cognizant of how hard he felt through his pants. as soon as you’d gathered your bearings enough to sit yourself properly in his lap, you looked to jean, who looked more than satisfied with himself sitting back on his calves, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and licking the two fingers that had previously been buried knuckle-deep into you.

“so, springer, ready to show me up?” he goaded, running a hand to push his hair out of his face, “it’s the least you can do after i got her all nice and wet for you.”

you felt your face heat, stealing a glance at your boyfriend, that flustered scowl weighing at his expression. “fuck yeah i am.”

“can’t wait to watch you try.” he laughed, grinning easily, hand sliding down to start undoing the button and zipper on his pants, dark eyes still roaming your naked finger as he pulled his cock free from the confines of his boxers.

you could tell this was going to be a long night.

hellooo my friend very quickly converting me into a full-on jean lover (o^ ^o)

[calpalsworld]

Not rlly a hc but *holds out evil Kai from s4* opinionsv 😳

TLDR; evil kai is cool but kai is too much of a good person for me to invest in it!

FULL OPINION BELOW

Ultimate respect goes out to Kai and  Kai fans. Kai is ABSOLUTELY done dirty. End of debate. And I feel horrible for Kai fans because any evil kai moments in the show is DEFINATELY a symptom of writing random things for shock and NOT foreshadowing. Especially because the new writers don’t seem 100% invested in all the old details. They REALLY don’t seem to care about Kai. *rips the writers heads off*

If evil kai is ever REVEALED its either gonna be : A.) At some point he becomes evil because this show will never stop. B.) The writers will see us with our Kai Evil Theories, make it true, claim it was foreshadowed, but it wasn’t really.

Writers may be stupid, but Kai fans are brilliant. And thats my favorite thing about Ninjago. Its reallllyyyy stupiddddd and we can write it better.

But PERSONALLY, I can’t invest in most evil kai fanfic / fan art because I feel like Kai is a very selfless person. He would never betray his friends for something that only benefits himself, imo. I get it, he DESERVES to have a self centered moment and to let that unresolved anger out, but it feels like backwards character development TO ME. 

If Kai becomes evil only due to evil possession or something, its like... fine? But its like... just an aesthetic and doesn’t really mean anything so, its mid to me.

In my headcanon, Kai is naturally a protector and supportive person. In Season 1, they become obsessive over being the best because they don’t recognize that they're already valuable enough to the people around them. They’re paranoid that they need to be better for others. They’re a perfectionist in friendship and ability, and their anger is how they react to any minor failure. The whole “All my training wasn’t to BE the green ninja, it was to PROTECT the green ninja :)” thing basically affirms who they actually want to be. Post season 1 I think Kai becomes a lot more confident.

I DO KINDA have ONE evil Kai headcanon tho!  Yknow how the Ninja don’t know about Elemental Masters until Season 4? A lot of people figure “that was because of bad writing. they probably did know before.” Well I like to imagine they didn’t know because... I think it would be epic if after Zane died, Kai started questioning this whole ninja situation. They don’t want another person to die from it. They need to understand whats going on. Rather than becoming an underground fighter like in canon, Kai starts searching for information on people with elemental powers between S3 and S4. And Kai would even do unethical things like break into museums and archives (too impatient to go through the long process of getting access to the information). Hehe. A little evil! Kai would probably also beat up people for information O_O kinda a vigilante? 

This would be a much smoother introduction to the concept of Elemental Masters, and would REALLY support the fact that Kai wants information on their parents besides the superficial “they are ur parents so u probably care.” PLUS!!! Kai could even meet SKYLOR for the first time while investigating EMs. Maybe Skylor was doing Chen’s dirty work, figuring out the identity of all the current EMs, so the two encountered each other? Kai falls in love with this mysterious figure who steals information before they can.  Did that make any sense? Heres a random sketch of Kai I found

godspeed kai fans! *salute*

[asktheheirofslytherin]

The death eaters but everyone has social media

Oh no. It is bad enough with Narcissa, Lucius, Nyx, and Cygnus on here. If the whole lot of them got blogs, I may have to leave. 

[[OOC: This was originally going in the tags, but too long:

Can you imagine though! Death eaters on facebook! Lucius vaguebooking all the time, also pictures of the manor and peacocks, and Narcissa doing the opposite of vaguebooking, just tagging people in her judgemental posts and comments. Public calling outs, and selfies, all the Narcissa selfies. 

Bellatrix posting political rants and pics of her dagger collection. And commenting on all of Narcissa’s stuff. And on most other people’s posts she’d comment “no one asked you.” 

Draco posting song lyrics and trying to be artsy and deep. Crabbe and Goyle posting shit like “HUNGRY” and “FUCK THE CHUDLEY CANNONS” 

Macnair is rating scythes on a niche youtube channel, Dolohov is reallllyyyy into fantasy quidditch, Yaxley is still sending everyone farmville requests. Severus is a link sharer - all potions content, all the time- and Nyx posts witty one-liners. Natalie has the Perfect Facebook Life (TM), as do all the Rosier’s, and Rookwood and his husband are always #blessed. Delphi posts very little but uses react buttons all the time so you know she’s there, lurking, always there to beef up reacts on the latest Selwyn family drama.]]

[terrifictomholland]

for the smut prompts.... what about trying anal for the first time w tom and reallllyyyy liking it

Hello! I hope you’ll like this :)

“Just...easy yeah?” you breathed out shakily feeling Tom’s fingers scissoring your asshole. You let out a breathy moan sucking your lip into your mouth at the sensation. 

It was definitely something to get accustomized to, but it wasn’t bad. 

He’d already made you come three times before he even went anywhere close to your ass, but you both wanted to try it. 

Also, there was a liberal amount of lube being used.

“S-shit,” you gasp feeling your eyes roll back when he started fucking his fingers in and out of you. The moans slipping easily from your lips as he slowly pulled his fingers out and back inside. A full body shiver ran through you when you felt the tip of his tongue against your hole. 

“O-oh,” the air in your lungs getting knocked out at the sensation. 

His free hand spreading your cheeks apart as the filthiest noises filled the room of him eating you out. 

“Mmhm babe,” he hummed and you whined rocking back against him, feeling his tongue fucking in and out of you, in sync with his fingers doing a very thorough job of opening you up. 

“I’m r-ready,” you cried fisting the bed sheet between your fingers as you threw your head back in pleasure. 

“You sure babe?” he asked pulling away from you,

“Positive,” you nodded frantically and you glanced over your shoulder seeing him sit up and slowly ease his fingers out of you. You let out a moan at the loss of not being fully filled anymore. But it didn’t take long as he lubed himself up.

You held your breath feeling him slowly slipping inside of you and he was so slow as he bottomed out, running his fingers up and down your spine and he was a very clever boy, using his fingers to rub your clit as he did. 

“O-oh fuck yes,” you gaped as he took his time letting you adjust, as did he.

“So tight,” he gritted out and you let out a shaky moan starting to fuck yourself on his cock. 

“F-fuck okay, move,” you moaned and he wasted no time in starting to pull out, then back inside and you felt your knees buckling at the intense pleasure rolling through you. It was buzzing just below the surface and you knew that you weren’t going to last long if he kept this rhythm up, fucking into your ass and rubbing your clit the way he was right now. 

You moaned loudly feeling his hips snapping into your ass, your body jolting forward with the force and you let out breathy moans.

“Oh mygod Tom,” 

“So fucking tight angel, fuck,” he cursed and held your hip with his free hand. 

“I-i’m so close,” you panted and he sped up his movements fucking into you harder than before and he rubbed your clit harder, using the pad of his thumb to press down on your clit and you came with the most mind blowing orgasm of your life. 

Tom stilled and you felt his cock twitching right before you felt him coming inside of you hard and long. 

“Oh my god,” he panted slowly pulling out of you and you winced slightly once he was outside. You were definitely going to be aching tomorrow.

“That was amazing,” you smiled lazily feeling him get off the bed, but soon returning and your heart grew three sizes when you felt him cleaning you up. 

After that he wrapped you in his arms and pulled you in under the covers.

“It really was,” he hummed kissing your forehead and you smiled loving the way he was so attentive to you post-sex with the post-cuddles.

“We’re definitely doing it again,” you grinned feeling him hold you even closer.

“oh absolutely, no doubt about that,” he laughed.

[onceuponatimewithhaleigh]

Time to catch up!

I'm so sorry I kinda vanished! Well, I didn't kind of vanish. I straight poofed. So I'm going to catch you guys up on what's happened since the start of August. Quite a lot has gone on, and I needed to kinda - I don't really know? Mentally I was just gone. Like August happened? I don't remember it. But anyhow here we go!

My Skin Spot:

Not cancer! My doctor so politely told me "Sometimes spots just pop up as we... get older." So. Guess I'm just gonna have some serious blemishes the older I get. Haha! I mean, not going to lie, I'm salty about it. But I'd rather be 'getting old' than have cancer. So that's all good!

Meeting with Dr. Lak:

Doctor Lak is my future surgeon for my gastric bypass. She's really really nice. Super friendly and super supportive. She got me all setup - so I have a slue of appointments made. Due to my insurance, I have to see a dietitian for six months consecutively before I can have the surgery. I also have to pass a nicotine test. So - I have to quit smoking ASAP. Which, I need to anyhow. (more on my smoking at the end lol) but overall she was absolutely fantastic!

College(Part One):

Before classes started I talked to my amazing Academic Advisor, Kathrine - and I told her some of my interests and my plans for after college. And we both kinda poked around at my minoring in Photography. To me, that wasn't really enough, so I am now a double major!

OBGYN:

I haven't said anything here, but I have plans in becoming a mother as soon as my health permits. Now I am not in a relationship, nor do I plan to be. I want to be a single mother. Some people think I'm absolutely bat-shit crazy for that. But I think, for me that is the best thing. I have an extremely supportive family, and I have zero doubt in my mind that my child will be loved as much and so much more than they'd ever possibly need! The issue here was A. my weight. B. my family has a history of fertility issues. C. I have PCOS. D. I don't have a partner haha, Kinda need two to tango ;) That all being said, I had mentioned this to my OBGYN, who retired randomly on me in March(with no notice - canceled pre-existing appointments, and with no doctors accepting new patients). I had been telling him about bad pains I'd been having for a while, and he never really listened to me or made any move to investigate. I did my own research, as well as spoke to people about it - and thought I may have Endometriosis. I brought my thoughts to him. He shrugged and said "That's probably it." and made Z E R O effort to figure it out. After three months of pain being horrible to the point sometimes when I was driving, I'd have a flare-up and I'd have to pull over because the pain was so bad I couldn't breathe or see. Then he retired. Then there were no doctors accepting anyone new. So. FINALLY - August 10th I get into a new OBGYN, Dr. Curtis. The first impression was "dudes young and super hip this is gonna be weird..." I'm weird when it comes to doctors, but doctors messing around down there I'm even weirder LOL. I feel like if my OB was a woman there's some weird competition 'Mines prettier...' I have no idea don't judge me xD I told him my wants and things and he told me sadly some older doctors just don't care. they're very black and white. And he was spot on. He told me I probably don't have endometriosis. Put me back on birth control, told me to have the gastric surgery, and then he'd get me in for an exam, and he'd get me to a fertility clinic. He supported me 100% in wanting to become a single mother. He did say that I was the youngest he'd ever seen himself, but he had no issues moving forward with me doing that. Told me a year after surgery, he'd get me to a clinic and we'd get me a baby xD

Dietitian:

My dietitian's name is Andrea, and guys, I love her. She is so goofy as scatterbrained it makes me giggle! I learned a lot during that call though! (all my appointments with gastric have been on the computer/phone) So, this hospital does post-surgery stuff differently than any others in the area, and they've found it's got the best results. So after surgery, I'd usually be on a liquid diet for 6 weeks. Which is standard. Nope! Not here! After surgery, I'll be on a pure protein diet. Not shakes- PUREAED MEAT. How gross right? Meat slushie anyone? Gag lol She goes "Everyone seems to love the pureed eggs" and I literally gagged in the call xD This is gonna be the death of me. Another thing that had me completely shook was that with a stomach the size of an EGG after surgery, I still have to drink 64oz of water a day. She said I can only drink 2oz at a time. So I basically have to take a shot of water every 10 minutes ALL DAY LONG. But! I can't drink anything at all for 30 minutes BEFORE I eat, I can't drink WHILE EATING(which I have to eat 3/4 a cup over 45 minutes-_-), and I can't drink shit for 30 minutes AFTER I eat. So. This shit's gonna be wild man. I'm excited but anxious as hell. And for the rest of my life, I'll be taking vitamin supplements.

Weight:

Currently, my weight is 417lbs

College(Part Two):

So. Friday(Aug. 28th) before the term starts, I have a massive breakdown. That Monday the first week the course was available to look at. We could submit anything, but we could go in and do the work and submit it later. Well. I got in there in my Introduction to Liberal Arts(IDS-100), and boooyyy did I overreact. :) I freaked out. I got overwhelmed because my IDS-100 professor is a very longwinded man. The email I had gotten made everything seem way way more complicated than necessary. And I basically went into spiral mode. 

'is a college education reallllyyyy that important?'

'What's the point?'

'I'm gonna fail anyhow, so why try?'

'My family will think I'm a failure...'

'I shouldn't even try, so I don't fail.'

A whole slue of shit thoughts went through my head, and I took it, man. That little demon in my brain just bitching "Never good enough. Not smart enough! Failure." And I sat there and took it like a little bitch. I got so bad I called my advisor, Good ole Kathrine, and LUCKY FOR ME; she was busy and didn't answer. I had the ability to talk to another advisor, but I didn't wanna sob into a stranger's ear so LOL. I called my dad when I was balls deep into a panic attack, and he came down and talked me out of it, and then told me he'd sit with me when I do classwork so he can help if I need it. Which, It's not really that I need help, I was worried about my comprehension of the information I read in class. Because I'm a very visual learner and one of those that talks shit out. And being online, I'm alone in my room so uh lol But yeah. He talked me down, got me all calmed down. Then the next day, my advisor called and asked why I'd called and she apologized for not being available and I laughed and told her straight "It's better you were busy, Cause I'd have dropped out." and she was shocked. Told her all of what happened and what was going on in my head and she told me she was gonna set up weekly appointments with me after each module opens. a new module opens every Monday. and she said she was gonna call me every Tuesday. I went on a spiel about how I feel ridiculous cause I'm being a burden. And she squashed that thought hella fast. So long story short. I am so blessed to have a support system between my dad and my wonderful advisor Kathrine. Lol

Boooo:

I gained a new allergy and lost an old one. I have no idea how that worked. But. No longer allergic to Soy. But now have a TERRIBLE reaction to all dairy products... Which fuckin blows because I live in Wisconsin, and I L O V E cheese. -_- Cheese hates me. :(BYE GUYS!

Whoops!

Forgot about the smoking bit, this is an Edit lmao Basically - TOTALLY thought I could drop smoking cold turkey cause that's how I'd done it every time I'd quit smoking before. Welp. Not this time :) I was a raging bitch, and a HORRIBLE migraine that was so bad I couldn't do ANYTHING. And to top it all off, I had a panic attack lol So. It's the time of year I usually start to quit anyhow. I'm so weird. I'm a seasonal smoker. Living in Wisconsin I am NOT keen on smoking in below zero temperatures in winter. I'd like to keep my fingers. This year I started smoking earlier than usual because I was out of state where freezing winter temperatures were a minimum of like, 37*F and I'm like *cackles in Wisconsinite* CHILDS PLAY!!! So, I started smoking again in December lol Anyway, now- my dad's in control of my smokes. He gives me my daily allowance in a ziplock bag which made me laugh so fucking hard because just like I actually said to him "I feel like you're my dealer and I'm sneaking something naughty!" lol Right now I'm aloud 10 a day. Which is probably 3-5 less than I usually smoke a day. So. I'm kinda feeling it. But my dads controlling them. So this should be fun. :) That's all! Bye guys!