#real people or book covers vs the actors who play the

[greenvillainredemption]

Hold up the live action Nani actress isn’t even racially Hawaiian, she was just born there and she’s actually whasian??? Nothing against her as a person but recast now!!!!!!!!

[popculturebuffet]

James Earl Jones Memorial Halloween Special: Treehouse of Horror I Review! (Comission by WeirdKev27)

Happy Halloween all you happy people! I"m amped not just because I love spooky season: the decoratoins, the candy, the excuse to inject horror into my veins but that we get to talk about one of my faviorite shows. Despite the many, MANY simpsons refrences that grace this fair blog, largely thanks to the site frinkiac for making it easy to meme any simpsons refrence that ops into my dome, I don't cover the show itself often. A lot of it is simple: I just forget to and what retrospectives me or kev have had ideas for have never materialized. Still Kevin, my producer and frequent comissioner, found a perfect episode to cover for the perfect reason: last month legendary actor, voice actor and voice in general James Earl Jones sadly passed and while trying to think of something, Kev brought up how James is present in all three seconds of the first treehouse of horror.

It was a great prospect both to honor james, as he has a sizeable role in the second segment and is essentailly the star of the third as the narrator, and to explore an episode of simpsons I don't really watch. I didn't watch season 2 much to begin wtih as a kid, and don't really now, and didn't like the middle segment. Petty I know, it's the same reason I don't watch Treehouse of Horror IV as much as I should when I can just.. skip the middle segment and enjoy devil flanders and dracula burns. So it was a chance to explore a treehouse I really didnt' know that well and to honor a man who was a part of my childhood and adulthood and general seemed like a kind, resonable person. So in honor of james and to give this episode a fair shake, join me under the cut for some halloween fun with everyone's faviorite family.

We open with Marge warning everybody, a fun idea that works well and would get played with in later specials. The insperation for this one according to writer Al Jean was EC Comics, doing that sort of horror anthology thing tales of the crypt used to do in comics and would again.

The wraparound is a fun and simple one. I also miss them doing these as while I get why it stopped, to give the segments more times, they were a lot of fun, paticuarlly III's halloween party. This one has Bart telling scary stories to lisa in the treehouse, a fun little premise. Homer is listening in because he just finished trick or treating, none of which is suprising but is still entertaining. We'll come back to this at the end for now let's dive into the meat of this special

Soooo hot take.. this was my faviorite of the three segments. I love the raven and will gush about it later, but this was a very nice suprise, having a more rapid fire pace from the seasons to come compared to the rest of season 2 or even it's fellow segments.

This wasn't a huge shock when I found out who wrote it: John Swartzwelder, a singularly weird simpsons writer who smokes and who did all his writing in a diner booth and continued to even after smoking bands by purchasing one, who tends to shy away from the public, to the point they called him on a commentary track just to prove that yes, he exists.

Swartzwelder has written 59 episodes with heighlights including Bart the General, Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish, Homer at the Bat, Whacking Day, Krusty Gets Kanclled, Homer the Vigilante, Itchy and Scratchyland, Homer the Great, Homer's Enemy, Attack of the 50 Foot Eyesores, Homer Vs the Eighteenth Amendment, and Homer's enemy among many others. While he did loose a bit of his sheen as he went on, it can't be denied his peak stuff is some of the series best and this is no exception.

The premise is simple: the simpsons take on the amityville horror, the film based on the book that used a real tragedy to make money. The Simpsons move into a spooky house, nearly murder each other and escape alive. Which isn't a guarantee with Treehouse of Horror NOW but seemed to be a requirement early on as the simpsons don't impliclity die till Treehouse of Horror V and don't die on screne till Treenhouse of Horror X.

It's mainly an excuse to just pack the things with joke after joke, all hitting: the moving man, played by james earl jones mutters under his breath he's glad the house will kill them. There's a random vortex in the kitchen that theyt hrow an orange into.. that throws back a piece of paper asking them to stop throwing garbage in that dimension. The walls bleeding barely bothers marge and Bart getting choked by a lamp has Homer asking how he'll explain his way out. It's just joke after great joke, with Harry Shearer doing a great job as the house which frequently bellows GET OUT. My second faviorite joke of this segment is when Marge decides indeed to get out, and the house puts the kids coats on them for them. Just a simple hilarous gag. I also like homer being bounced into the celing and trying to act like it's fine.

He does get them to stay overnight which leads to the creepiest part of the specail as a whole and a great bit of horror: the house convinces the rest of the family minus marge to kill each other. The expressions here are truly disturbing, and i'ts unsettling to see the simpsons all in a trance ready to murder each other.

Thankfully the humor right after not only deflates it, but is great: Marge is seen grabbing a knife like the rest of her family.. but is making a sandwitch, easily lectures them out of it then plans to leave spouting the awesome quote I choose to use as the image. I'ts just such a marge thing to brush off something this horrid like it's some new conflict in the family.

The simpsons soon find the old racist trope of the house being built on a native burial ground.. which is a thorny concepts for sure, but this is an old enough episode to get away with it and I like homer angrily calling his realtor only to find out the guy mentioned it 5 or 6 times. The house tries to give a meancing speech.. only for marge to angrily tell it off, a bit I love, from Julie Kavner's delivery to how it works. She demands it either leave them alone or live with them in peace.... it chooses to collapse on itself after shooing them outside instead. Aw well can'jt please everyone. Just several minutes of great jokes with some great horror sprinkled in.

Not a fan of this one. It IS better than I remembered as it packs in some good jokes. That's courtsey of writers Jay Kogan and Wally Woodarsky, who while having a slow start, finished their run on the show with classics Bart's Friend Falls in Love, Treehouse of Horror III and Last Exit to Sprinfield

The premise is a riff on the Twilight Zone Classic , To Serve Man. For those of you who don't know what the Twilight Zone is, you just made me feel very old, but it was a classic Science Fiction anthology series, running the gamut of genres and often falling into horror. The simpsons would go to the twilight zone a LOT for Treehouse of Horror: They'd riff on at least one episode a year for the first four treehouses and would still return to the well on occasions. The simpsons has parodied A Good Life (Bart's Nightmare), Living Doll (Clown Without Pity), Nightmare at 20,000 Feet (Terror at 5 1/2 Feet) , Little Girl Lost (Homer^3), and finally A Kind of Stopwatch (Stop the World I Want to Goof Off). As the show went on they drifted into parodying horror films more as Twilgiht Zone faded, but I miss it and hope they do one again some day or as a special since their now doing Treehouse of Horror Presents.

At any rate it's a pretty basic parody: Kang and Kodos in their first apperance kidnap the simpsons along with Sorak the Preparer, played by JEJ, and have them eat a lot, making vauge hints they'll eat the simpsons and droolling a lot. There's a gag or two I love: the ufo they abduct the simpsons in having to put out an extra beam to pick up homer, tilting to the side otherwise, the aliens admitting to having thousands of channels except hbo "That costs extra", and the aliens defensifiness when how primitive pong is is brought upop "Raise your hand if your capable of intergalactic travel". I love bart sticking up his hand and homer slapping it down. Good stuff.

Most of it though.. is eh. The twist is that. .they aren't trying ot eat them and are hurt Lisa assumes it with the book being how to cook FOR humans. Then how to cook FORTY humans, then how to cook for FORTY humans. I love Sorek's hurt feelings and what not, but it's a pretty bland parody compared to Bad Dream House, which nailed it. It feels like a bland middle to two pretty dope piece sof bread. It has some good jokes nad gave us Kang and Kodos, so it's not without merit, but it's easily the weakest segment in an otherwise good episode.

For our finale Lisa reads Edgar Allen Poe's classic Poem the Raven. In the second best refrence to it the shows ever done

It's the breakout of the segments and while I prefer Bad Dream House and stand by that, The Raven is very close and a very creative flex. Matt Groening was nervous it'd come off too pretentious, but instead we get a great break from formula. The first two segments, while fun breaks from teh simpsons mostly grounded reality, at this point anyway, do feel lik ea standard episode that just happens to be about a murder house. The Raven.. is something entirley diffrent.

It's a mostly straight adaptation of the poem: James Earl Jones does an impressive and haunting reading of Poe's narrations, while Dan Castlenatea does an awesome job as homer, injecting some humor into it but reading moments like the main character lashing out at the raven and his sorrow with such convection. While we'd see plenty of range from homer as the show went on, this was an early indicatior of just what dan was capable of with the character.

The show also nicely breaks tension in places: Homer is literally reading a book of forgotten lore, Bart chimes in with his commentary, and there's some good physical gags. But the heart of it, a tale of greving, loss and ultimate death, as the narrator gets haunted by a raven (Played by bart naturally, with Lenore played in a painting by marge (with the nice gag of her hair extending into another painting and Lisa and Maggie playing Serapphim), i'ts a wonderful segment that is hilarous.. yet also heartwrenching and haunting. I haven't read the poem, but this segment makes me feel it, a haunting wonderful piece. James Earl Jones kills it with the utmost conviction in his reading, upping the intsnesity was we go and really getting into it. He did a marvelous job and apparently went the extra mile for his performance in the second segment by eating a cookie while recording to get the drool right. What a man

So we end the specail with the kids fine but homer scared and Marge refusin gto help him because.. I dunno she's a dick tonight. A great end to a fantastic start to a wonderful tradition. Thanks for reading.. and james wherever you are up there... thank you.

[afra-blueraz]

🐺 Yuna Sekigetsuro 🐺

⚠️ Please note that Yuna is not a real person. But I wanna imagine her as myself for my self-insert ship with Yui. So she can be an OC or me. ⚠️

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

General information

Real name: Sekigetsuro Afra

Changed name: Sekigetsuro Yuna

Kanji: 赤月狼 優菜

Kana: せキげっロ ユナ

Name explanation:

赤 ( Seki ) _ red

月 ( getsu ) _ moon

狼 ( ro ) _ wolf

優 ( Yu ) _ gentleness

菜 ( na ) _ greens

Age: 18 ( Changed her records of her age to 20 )

Birthday: March 24th

Zodiac Sign: Aries ( Ram )

Race: A werewolf from the red moon clan

Blood Type: O_

Gender: Female

Pronounce: She / Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

School: Ryoutei Academi, English Teacher

Voice Actor: WIP

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Appearance

Sprites: WIP

Ryoutei Academi: WIP

Hair: When Yuna was a child, she had long and dark black hair. Her hair was wavy and sloppy. After immigrating to Japan, she cut her hair. Now she has short, dark wavy hair.

Before immigrating to Japan VS After that

Eyes: In her human form, Yuna has dark black eyes. But when the moon is full and her wolf power goes out of control, her eyes turn blood red.

Height: 163 cm / 5'4 ft

Weight: 46 kg

Body type: Yuna has a very skinny body.

Scent: Yuna was a girl who lived in the forest. She loved the pleasant and natural scent of flowers, that's why modern perfumes are too artificial and annoying for her. Because Yuna has a half-forest, her hair always smells of Afra flowers. If Yuna wants to use perfume, she prefers to use natural perfumes. She loves the scent of flowers, especially Afra flowers.

Style: Yuna is not a fashion girl and prefers to wear simple clothes. She wears glasses with a red frame, which was the symbol of their clan. During the red moon, when Yuna's wolf power is at its maximum and her eyes turn red, she does not need to wear glasses.

School: Yuna is employed as an English teacher at the academy so she doesn't need to wear a uniform. She usually does not wear formal clothes and appears in the class as a teacher with a normal look.

General: Yuna is not a fashion girl and prefers comfortable clothes. She usually wears clothes that cover most of her body because it makes her feel safe. She usually wears a white shirt and a blue wool vest. However, she likes to have a little girly style, so instead of wearing pants, she usually wears skirts. Yuna prefers to use boots instead of shoes.

Colors: Red is the symbol of her clan so everyone knows Yuna as a red girl. But her favorite colors are blue and purple so she usually use blue for her clothes. And white and black are so common in her clothes.

Yuna with Ryoutei outfit: WIP

Yuna's winter and autumn outfits: WIP

Yuna's underwear + pajamas outfits: WIP

Yuna's usual outfits:

Yuna's usual shoes:

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Personality

MBTI: INTJ_A

When Yuna was a child, she was very happy and lively. She was playing in the forest and was very happy. After what happened to her family, Yuna became a bit isolated and introverted. She is very kind, but she gets very angry when others take advantage of her kindness. Yuna hardly trusts others and tries not to get too close to people. She hardly forgets and forgives the mistakes of others, but still tries to be more kind. She is very loyal and her family and friends are very important to her and she tries her best to take care of them.

More information about INTJs:

INTJs are hardworking, independent, and curious. INTJs often train their analytical eye on systems to see how things operate. These personality types often have self-motivation and work best independently or on small teams.

INTJs can be both the boldest of dreamers and the bitterest of pessimists. They believe that, through willpower and intelligence, they can achieve even the most challenging goals. But these personalities may be cynical about human nature more generally, assuming that most people are lazy, unimaginative, or simply doomed to mediocrity.

Likes: reading books, writing, walking in a garden ( because she remembers her real home in forest ), smelling flowers, cooking, drawing arts ( she is a big artist ), blue sky, nature

Dislikes: Crowded places, big cities, polluted air, noisy places, two_faced people, hunters

Strengths:

intelligence

Creativity

Painting

Flight

wolf power

Strong sense of smell

mind reading

Knowing people

Playing chess almost better than anyone

Weaknesses:

Lack of trust in people

being isolated

not being social

Nervous attacks due to trauma

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Relationships

Canon story: In her canon story Yui is her girlfriend.

Au Ships / RP: based on our roleplays I don't mine ship Yuna with other OCs. But don't force her into relationships.

Yuna's relationship with canon characters: WIP

Yuna's relationship with other OCs: WIP

Ex-boyfriend: Hayashi Kenzo (deceased)

Father: Sekigetsuro Sota (deceased)

Mother: Kimaru Mika (deceased)

Cousin: Sekigetsuro Shina

Founded family: WIP

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Backstory

Before Yuna was born:

Sekigetsuro Sota was the son of the chief of one of the largest werewolf clans known as the Red Moon Clan. This clan had very strong wolves that absorbed their most power from the moon during the red moon. This clan had extraordinary powers that they had to hide from greedy people.

Finally Sota grew up and met a girl from another clan and they fell in love and got married and their marriage brought about the union of two great clans.

Chlidhood:

After Sota and Mika got married, they had a daughter. The girl who was born at the time of the red moon set and symbolized a new power for the red moon clan. The power that strengthened this tribe and made their union stronger and stronger every day.

The girl had dark black hair that smelled of Afra flowers. A flower that Mika loved so she named her daughter Afra. Every time she hugged her and stroked her hair, she smelled the pleasant aroma of Afra.

Sota was very proud of his daughter and knew that she was the symbol of the glory of their territory and tribe and that she was supposed to be the largest tribe of werewolves.

Sota loved his daughter and raised her with love. He used to play with his daughter in the forests among the dense trees and teach her to become a powerful queen for her tribe one day.

Before leaving the forest:

Afra had a boyfriend named Kenzo from her mother's clan. They secretly played by the river that glowed at night and shared their first kiss there. The only person who knew about Afra and Kenzo's relationship was her cousin Shina and she always encouraged Afra to make her relationship with Kenzo stronger. Those three people were also best friends.

One day when they were playing by the river, far from home, hunters attacked their clan and killed most of their tribe.

Sota ran to save his daughter and niece but could not find them. When Afra came back, it was already too late. Everyone was dead. Afra heard her father's last words to her: I love you.

After leaving the forest:

Afra, Kenzo, and Shina ran away together. But finding a safe place was almost impossible. The hunters searched everywhere to finally find the daughter of the chief of the tribe who has great power.

When the hunters found the three, Kenzo shielded himself to save the girl he loves with all his heart. Kenzo's body fell into Afra's arms and he said to Afra with a beautiful smile: I love you Afra. please be strong

It was hard for Afra to leave Kenzo and the house, but Afra and Shina had to run for their lives. The hunters chased them and almost succeeded in killing Afra until a very large orange wolf was found and saved them.

When Afra regained consciousness, she met a man who introduced himself as Tsukinami Shin. Shin took care of Afra and Shina for a while, that's why Afra owes her life to Shin. Shin helped them escape from their country and go to Japan.

After immigrating to Japan:

As strangers, Afra and Shina were forced to stay in Japan to avoid predators. Fortunately, both of them had good skills in learning foreign languages ​​and were able to learn Japanese very quickly. But Afra, who was much smarter, learned other languages ​​besides Japanese.

In order to find a suitable job, Afra manipulated her records and created a fake name and age for herself so that she could find a job. Her real name was Afra and she changed it to Yuna. The only people who called her Afra were her family, her boyfriend, her cousin and Yui.

Ryoutei Academi:

She was hired as an English teacher at the academy, where she met a girl named Komori Yui.

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

⚠️ Spoil for her future route ⚠️

After finding a job at the academy, she met a girl named Yui Komori who lived with four brothers, the Mukami brothers.

One of the brothers, named Ruki, became suspicious of Yuna's fake identity and set out to uncover her secret.

While Yui and Yuna's relationship grew stronger, Ruki tried his best to keep Yui away from Yuna.

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

⚠️ Important notes: All arts has been drawn by me. Don't repost. Reblog is OK. ⚠️

⚠️ The photos in edits are from pinterest. ⚠️

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

[glapplebloom]

The new songs I listened to this year...

Song’s Eligable for this...

NOTE: I have decided to disclude Death Battle and Death Battle related songs since I feel those would be too easy to fill up this list since I do tend to listen to those songs. Songs used in fan made Death Battle Trailers on the other hand will be okay.

Shatter by Code Orange (Premiered in 2022, but only heard the full version in 2023)

You've Got a Friend in Me - Disney Friendship Mash-Up presented by Thomas Sanders

Priceless from VHS Christmas Carol Live

Moon Girl Soundtrack

Greedy Greedy by the Kuromis

Big Balls (Cover) by Scratch21

Ayleeyuns by Scratch21

Delivered Us The Moon (Feat. Tony Mac & Sega) by Jakeneutron

Lil Nuggit by Chi-Chi

Ordinary (Cover) by Anna

Jack Hornet Vs Dr. Eggman by Freshy Kanal

Rocket Queen by Team Shachi Featuring MCU

Happy Sounds by Kyle Allen Music

Smell of the Game from Guilty Gear Strive

Just the Two of us by Neco Arc

Look at This from Helluva Boss

Red Flags by Tom Cardy Featuring Montaigne

Song of the Dead by @kana-boon

Kindness by BB-Panzu

Evil As Can be from Broken Karaoke

Nerdy Prudes Must Die from Nerdy Prudes Must Die

Our Love is God from Heathers

Komi-San Vs. Wile E. Coyote from Rabi

A Little Theorizing by the Stupendium

Wah & Only (Waluigi Rap) from Mashed

Sidechain Fever from Scratchin’ Melodii

Voices (2023) by Rev Theory

Unbeatable from Mario’s Madness V2 

#10 - Look at This from Helluva Boss

I enjoy Helluva Boss. It’s crass but there are definitely worse shows out there. And I have no real connection to Fizzarolli’s voice actor, who was apparently Beetlejuice for the Broadway Play. Still, between this song and Two Minute Notice he has proven to be my favorite singer among the cast. Hopefully things turns out well for this series as well as Hazbin Hotel.

#9 - The Beyonder from Marvel's Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur

Talk about a Glow up! The Beyonder was pretty meh despite being so powerful in the comics. But Moon Girl really showed just how entertaining he could be with the right people behind it. Laurence Fishburne does a great job with him and honestly the Music Choices throughout the show was great! I got the soundtrack too! So here’s hoping Season 2 continues to bring banger after banger.

#8 - Rocket Queen by Team Shachi Featuring MCU

So I found out this year Capcom did a crossover with some K-Pop Band and they were going to take down the game based on it this year. Never noticing this, I decided to listen to the song and I enjoyed it. It has the energy I really enjoy in songs and even though I don’t know the lyrics it was well performed that I could enjoy it regardless. I also love the Sax part in the song and the music video.

#7 - Red Flags by Tom Cardy Featuring Montaigne

This year, I’ve seen a lot of memes based off one part of this song. The original singers even did an Uno Reverse version of that part so people can have more options. But I wanted to hear the original to see why this was memable. And MAN, I feel like people overlooked the HUMAN CENTIPEDE part to focus on the awkward date part. The song is hilarious and I am glad I gave it a shot to listen to the full version. The Meme is definitely underselling this song.

#6 - Nerdy Prudes Must Die from Nerdy Prudes Must Die

I feel bad for putting Starkid on twice but man, this year showed off their best stuff. Their newest part in the Hatchetfield Series was so fun and the best song in my book is the title song: Nerdy Prudes Must Die. I also like Hatchet Town. But man, the main song is so fun for a villain. And the whole “who will pray for me” bit was definitely selling how much of a threat he is.

#5 - Priceless from VHS Christmas Carol Live

I instantly fell in love with the VHS Christmas Carol Live when I saw it early this year. It is so good, not only did I get the soundtrack I also downloaded the Live Performance so I can listen to it all on my i-Pod. My favorite song from the entire thing is Christmas Day, but it is pretty much combining the best songs from the show into one. So I’m picking Priceless because that part really gets me on Christmas Day. I recommend everyone to watch it.

#4 - Shatter by Code Orange

While he appeared with this song in 2022, I never got the chance to hear the full version until this year. And I love every minute of what I listened to. I was listening to this song so much even before Bray Wyatt’s sad passing. He was taken from us too soon. I hope whoever is close to him is alright. Still, this is a great song and while I don’t think it is great for a tribute to him, it is great to listen to and remember the great stories he given us during the time he was alive.

#3 - Happy Sounds by Kyle Allen Music

I’m not much of a gamer. I’m more interested in the stories of games than playing them. So My Friendly Neighborhood was definitely a story I was interested in since I was curious how they would do this story compared to many other games. To my surprise, as Game Theory suggested, it's not a story about corrupted souls trapped in puppets, it's about the puppets trying to save a world already corrupted. This song captures that story in 3 minutes and I love it for that. I would recommend this song and the game in general.

#2 - Song of the Dead by @kana-boon

I will talk about my experience more in the One Shot next month, but this song is the reason I saw Zom 100. The song is full of life and energy and it's everything I want in a song. And if you want an English version, I think Dangle did a great job transferring it to English. Regardless, this was a song that was instrumental into me trying a series I would have probably passed by. Definitely give it a watch.

#1 - Smell of the Game from Guilty Gear Strive

So how did I find out about this song now of all times? Well, I noticed Evo was actually streaming this year and decided to give it a watch. It was before the Guilty Gear Strive and during the countdown I hear people singing the chorus of this song. That got me interested in hearing the full version and I don’t regret it. The Lyrics may sound random but man, it really gives you the energy to sing it out loud when you do hear it. I get teared up a little bit too. So thank you Evo for letting me get the Smell of the Game.

[rodanseys]

anyway here's my rwrb movie review that no one asked for!

it does not even come close to the amazingness that is the book. and it really comes down to three things

characters

pacing

mismatched energy

music

characters. ok there are so many characters missing! june not being around is ridiculous. so is henry's absent mom. i don't get it. and literally, raf, the backstabber responsible for the leak, doesn't exist so that this weird raf/liam hybrid can be here? every character is responsible for bringing stakes into play. not having them decreases the stakes and makes you rely on the logic of the problem instead of the way it makes you feel, killing the emotional investment, most prominently in the huge leak convo scene. And many of the characters are NOT scary enough! if i'm supposed to believe the crown is homophobic, i need someone to actually say something homophobic, just not the word "homosexual" in a wierd voice. i need to see hushed voices and people almost getting caught and disdainful glances. alex got away with too much shit and if the comedy can be that extreme, i need our character presence to bring that back to earth. henry can't be the only person doing that because then, again, we only believe him either bc we read the book or bc it makes sense, not bc we see it. showing vs. telling ppl! this is like, basic writing principle.

pacing/scale. this is probably the biggest issue. the first 30 mins of the movie cover like half of the book! also, most are really short scenes (like 1-3 mins), so there isn't time to get invested. we don't see them develop from friends to enemies or friends to lovers. and we don't see the details of alex understanding his bisexuality! this also decreases the stakes because the audience doesn't understand how deeply they know about and care for one another. when henry spits out "it feels like you don't know me" we're kinda like, yeah... bc we don't know henry, either. we needed the texts and emails to be slowed waaayyy down. what they did to accommodate them for film is cute, but it wrecked the sense of time passing, and passing time is integral to showing change and development in relationships. and a lot of this vulnerability in character DID happen during or before/after sex in the book! so cutting out sex scenes, as they did so often, really ruined the sense of how they were feeling. the sense of taking this from "i am attracted to you but have unresolved issues about my sexuality/our relationship so am using your body to express this pain" kind of sex to "i'm actually deeply in love with you" kind of sex! they kind of did it with the slowness of henry's undressing but it should have been even slower AND there should have been foreplay and blushing and lots and lots of consent. maybe candles? idk i just feel like one of the things casey mq does so well is writing sex scenes that are both awesome for representation and also necessary for plot/character development

so many moments happen in a way that distorts their emotional impact by having either strange camera focuses and/or not having enough physical acting to be believable. be it the focus of the scene (why do cameras cut to a patch of lavender while henry is opening up to bea?). and, in their big fight scene after not talking for a week, why does the camera focus so much on just henry's face? alex is the one who is confronting? and why is there a focus on quiet conflict? let them rage! in the museum scene, why is henry leading alex like a tour guide, instead of trying to be close to him? or trying to not look at alex only to fail? there isn't quite enough physical pining and use of the actors' bodies in space to help heighten emotions of the scene. they are just like, bodies roaming around. part of this is also the way voiceover is used for the text/email scenes and how quickly questions would be answered bc we'd see the answer happening in real time. more diminishing of stakes!

i feel like this is getting out of my realm of literary expertise (i'm a creative writing major), but i do feel like the choice of music was odd. WHERE WAS THAT FUCKING BILLY JOEL SONG? why did they use such a niche "i can't help falling in love with you" cover. why did we never hear henry play the piano until the very end? why didn't alex's dad play the guitar? why did we never get to hear a muffled breath over the phone? WHY DID THEY NEVER MOAN DURING SEX?? like, why is there such a lack of real, human sounds? i think one of my favorite moments was henry fumbling around the closet and singing karaoke for that reason. they were real sounds that could happen in real life. yes, the music swells in your head when you are into someone, but camera zooms can get that effect. just like, less weird pop, more sounds that are contextual to what is going on.

anyways, some moments are so golden. and many characters are played well, henry and zahra, especially. but the stakes are like completely removed bc all we see is success montages with short sad scenes. i think that part of this is that it can be hard adapting a dual-pov book into a movie bc how do you not show the context in real time? it's so tempting! but part of the impact of dual-pov is the inherent longing, miscommunication, and emotional spiraling that comes from not knowing the answers and seeing things right away! too many things were resolved too quickly.

i also think that they really glossed over alex's discovery of his bisexuality. i remember the scene where he talked about his poster of prince henry having thumbprints all over it and how he had taken these confusing seeds of bisexuality and repackaged them as idolization and rage and jealousy bc he had nothing else to call it! it was literally so relatable and so integral to my own queer awakening and to see those parts removed really took away from alex's stakes and the main message of the book. like of course henry is scared bc his family is homophobic but alex's fear couldn't be evenly represented bc his identity was realized so quickly that the doubt and embarrassment that went along with it only lasted for one sex scene and a way-too-heavy-handed-ally convo with his mom.

anyways i want to read the book now.

[rallamajoop]

The Witcher: The Games vs the Books part 2 – Characters and Accents

So, I've already talked at length about the relationship between the Witcher books and games, but how well they captured individual characters is its whole own subject – and you’d better believe I have enough thoughts on it for a whole extra post.

Andrej Sapkowski's skill for creating vivid and engaging characters really is so much of what brings the books to life, and no matter how much work an adaptation might put into worldbuilding and plot, it's the characters you've really got to nail to get the long-time fans on board. Especially when you’ve done what the games have, framing themselves as a direct continuation of Sapkowski's story. Nothing invites comparison to your source material like basically forcing fans to read the original novels to understand even half the backstory alluded to in-game. 

So how did they do? I can only offer my opinion – characterisation is necessarily going to be a lot more subjective than just telling you what plot points the games contradicted outright – but like any fan, I have opinions in plenty.

Of the main cast, I feel Yennefer is the character they've captured the best. They've done just as well with some supporting players – I have no real complaints about Dijkstra or Phillipa, for example, who are favourites of mine in both games and books. For the main players though, Geralt and Regis seem to be the ones who's differences I'm most inclined to forgive, whereas I don't feel like they've done Ciri justice at all. Book!Geralt is much less of a smartarse, for one thing, whereas Book!Ciri is much more of one. But if we're talking about the differences, I’m afraid we really need to start with Dandelion.

Dandelion

For all the genuinely good work the games do with characters, old and new, I don't think I can overstate what a disservice the they've done Dandelion, who I could not stand in TW3, but is now one of my favourite book!verse characters. Alas, Dandelion is a prime example of something the Witcher games really don't do well: camp. Being the archtypical bard, Dandelion is about as flamboyant as any enthusiastically-heterosexual man can be: you should be able to spot this guy by body language alone, he should be flouncing around and he should talk like a spoiled noble auditioning for Shakespeare. Book!Dandelion is over-the-top and ridiculous and just so much fun, and I loved him well before I'd even really gotten into the rest of the books around him.

Here's just a bit of dialogue from one of his first appearances, to give you a sense of how he and Geralt play off each other.

The  bard  seized  the  fingerboard  of  his  lute  and  plucked  the strings vigorously. ‘How would you prefer it, in verse or in normal speech?’ ‘Normal speech.’ ‘As you please,’ Dandelion said, not putting his lute down. ‘Listen then, noble  gentlemen,  to  what occurred  a  week  ago  near  the  free  town  of Barefield. ‘Twas thus, that at the crack of dawn, when the rising sun had barely tinged pink the shrouds of mist hanging pendent above the meadows—’ ‘It was supposed to be normal speech,’ Geralt reminded him. ‘Isn’t it? Very well, very well. I understand. Concise, without metaphors. A dragon alighted on the pastures outside Barefield.’

Though TW3's Dandelion certainly looks the part, you have to go hunting through art from the Gwent cards to find much that comes close to really capturing his personality (see left pic below – though even there, a Dandelion who'd voluntarily break his treasured lute is a very hard sell). Though a lot of fanart does better (right-below – credit goes to Tatiana Ortaliz).

But as poorly as the games capture his flamboyance, they're not that much better when it comes to taking him seriously. TW3 left me thinking he was all talk and no substance; the books make abundantly clear that he really is renowned enough to be welcome in courts across the continent. Though he often overestimates what he can talk himself out of, he isn’t stupid either: he's lectured at Oxenfurt, spied for Dijkstra, and then there are the moments where the frivolous playboy mask slips and you realise he's sometimes much better at understanding people and relationships than Geralt will ever be (which is honestly kind of funny considering how many of Dandelion’s relationships end with plates being thrown at him from an upper story). He's not at all above mocking Geralt when he deserves it either (and especially his personal and relationship issues) – Geralt will happily mock him right back.

We never do learn how they became friends (I'm pretty sure the incident listed in the wiki is just the date of their first expedition together, not their first meeting), but Geralt just doesn't form lasting friendships or romances with anyone he can't have an intelligent conversation with. And Dandelion is a damn good friend to Geralt – one who, despite being a helpless, squishy little bard, will keep Geralt's secrets under torture, or will follow him into Nilfgaard in the middle of a war simply because you don't let a friend make a trip like that alone. (Seriously, I don’t ship it nearly as much as some, but hot damn there is some material in here if you do.) In short, it's basically inconceivable that he'd leave an amnesic Geralt wandering around Vizima alone, as he does in the first Witcher game – which is the kind of thing I can mostly forgive as a gameplay conceit, only it doesn’t really get better from there.

He’s also supposed to be blond, something I don’t think is technically specified until fairly late in the novels, but 100% what I’d been picturing since his first description as a man in a colourful bonnet with cornflower-blue eyes (let’s face it: Dandelion’s hair isn’t the only thing about him that screams ‘blond’). It’s a shame no-one from the games to the show to the novels’ cover artists seem to have noticed – but at least there are some fanartists out there who were paying attention (credit for these goes to Asphaloth, Ghostcupdraws, Hvit-ravn (tumblr deleted), 94355 and itsmespicaa).

As for the games? Well, I cannot speak to how Dandelion came across in the original Polish, but I think it speaks worlds about the priorities of the English version that they didn’t even bother to cast someone with a halfway-decent singing voice as their master bard. There are isolated moments of dialogue that come close to sounding like book!Dandelion– mostly in Witcher 2, which comes closer to capturing the spirit of the books than either 1 or 3, or his attempts to convince his captor he's a disguised noble when you rescue him TW3 – but his voice actor is just painfully ill-suited to the role.

Geralt

Geralt fares much better than Dandelion, though he’s still a little hard to square with the Geralt of the books. Book!Geralt spends a lot more time sulking, just to begin with: he sulks because his job is complicated and gets him no respect, and because the world is unjust and unfair – and, most of all, he sulks because Yennefer has dumped him again. He also gets mocked for sulking, and usually deserves it. Book!Geralt is generally a lot more taciturn and a less prone to making smart comments just to have something to say – arguably because in book!Geralt's world, making smart comments often ends at the gallows, or at least with some corrupt official making your life much harder. Book!Geralt's world kind of sucks, and he's just got to put up with it.

As much as he often plays into the expectations of being an uneducated monster hunter, he's also got a more of an intellectual streak than you’d guess. He may prefer to stay out of politics (because damnit, his job is to save people from monsters, not people who are monsters), but he attended school at Nenneke's temple and has even taken classes at Oxenfurt academy, and there's a lot of thoughtful nuance to his opinions – his speech to Ciri about why he can't in good conscience take a stronger stance against the Scoiata'el contains a wealth of historical perspective, just for one example. Even his smart comments tend to be, well, somewhat smarter in the books.

Book!Geralt’s explicitly a lot younger than Yennefer – around 50 is the usual estimate, falling far short of the 100-ish the games suggest (the scandal of having a man fall for – gasp! – an older woman clearly didn’t bother Sapkowski one bit). You don’t see nearly as much "I'm getting too old for this" from book!Geralt, who's really not that old by witcher standards, and is apparently still hunting monsters long into his future. I'm also a little annoyed by the way they play off his hatred of portals like he's a grumpy old man who doesn't like mobile phones, when his distrust originally came from having seen the gruesome deaths that result when portals go wrong. This is not to say Book!Geralt lacks other ordinary human flaws, however – twice in the last two books of the main saga, he gets severely sidetracked after his ego gets the better of him (in the adulation he receives after being knighted, then after arriving in Toussaint), and it's quite some time before he properly gets back on track for that whole rescuing-Ciri thing again. He’s also pretty hopeless when it comes to romance and relationships – breaking things off gracefully is really not in his skillset.

So why does game!Geralt not bother me more? Well, he's the main player character of a game franchise, and one who has to carry the experience largely solo. Some adjustments for genre are pretty much inevitable in that position. He's certainly fared better than Meve, for example, who's been softened far more from her book characterisation for her PC role in Thronebreaker. Then there's the whole amnesia thing – it's easy to believe that sort of experience would change a man – and if he doesn't sulk so much as he used to, maybe he's grown up a bit. Geralt's also in many ways the straight-man of Sapkowski's Witcher universe – there largely as the reliable centre for other, louder personalities to play off. But I expect the real bottom line here is that I do still like game!Geralt enough to forgive him a lot of what he lacks.

The books never do describe Geralt as being very attractive – something book-based fanart often tries to reflect. The point has been made before that the rather-alien-looking Geralt of the first game (left pic above) is probably a lot closer to his book-description. However, the main distinguishing factor you’ll see in book-based fanart is probably the ubiquitous headband, which genuinely is what book!Geralt wears to make his hair behave (the example on the right above comes from Diana Novich).

All that said, if Sapkowski really wants me to believe that nearly so many women are eager to jump into bed with him, I’m going to have to shallowly assume our witnesses are unreliable on this front, and Geralt is at least as attractive as Witcher 3′s take on him. Nothing else makes sense. *g*

Regis

Regis varies mostly in that book!Regis is a lot more smug, sometimes verging on obnoxious – and a lot keener to make fun of Geralt (who generally deserves it). But then, Regis is old and wise and superpowered enough to dance rings around most everyone else – can you blame him? By Blood and Wine, Regis' overconfidence has been recently smacked down hard after his near-death-experience at the hands of Vilgefortz, and that kind of thing could knock some chips off anyone's shoulder. Throw in the fact that with Dettlaff, we have a situation not even Regis could make light of, and the changes to game!Regis make a certain amount of sense.

I do feel it's a bit of a shame that the vocal direction didn't work just a little bit harder to capture some of Regis' smugger side, or emphasise that his long-winded philosophising on human behaviour is supposed to sound a bit pretentious. This is actually something I suspect they were going for a few times in the script, but which didn't come through in the dialogue quite the way it was meant to. Still, again, I'm sure I'm biased by the fact that I like game!Regis far too much to find much fault in what they've done with him. They've done a lovely job capturing his friendship with Geralt too.

Looks-wise, there's a tendency in book-based art to portray Regis with long hair (even some pre-Blood-and-Wine Gwent art did so – see the two pics on the left above, from Gwent and early B&W concepts. The right-most pic is cover art from the books). I couldn't rightly tell you where long-haired-Regis comes from, though – perhaps it's described more explicitly in the original Polish, or perhaps it comes up in passing in some passage I've forgotten, though it may just as well just be a fannish meme.

The books do describe him as looking rather like a tax collector, slim, middle-aged, with an aquiline nose, prone to wearing black, and his hair as 'greying' or 'grey streaked', so presumably somewhat younger-looking than the game would have it. The hammer-horror-esque sideburns are likewise a game-verse addition, though I do like the look they went with – it's distinct from Geralt in a way that making him another long-grey-haired man wouldn't have been, and that's probably the point.

Being the hopeless Regis fan I am, I have quite the folder full of different fanart takes on book!Regis, so have a selection – art here is by gellihana-art, justanor, greysmartwolf, Nastyaskaya, NatalyLanier, beidak, natalliel, ellaine and afternoon63. For what it’s worth, I feel beidak’s (bottom pic, second from the left) comes the closest to what I’d have pictured personally, based on how he’s first described.

Ciri

I find it much harder to rationalise the changes to game!Ciri, who I didn't exactly dislike, but found stuck too close to the role of generic-macguffin-girl-who-just-wants-to-be-normal to be very interesting. Having read the books, not only do I much prefer book!Ciri, I'm not sure I can emphasize enough how much the game did NOT prepare me for utter gauntlet of whump and misery that girl survives in the last four titles. Book!Ciri is a character who works for me mostly because of the same flaws the game mostly strips her free of – TW3 makes some token noise about how you can't tell her what to do, but she’s an utter little royal brat when we first meet book!Ciri, and it’s so much of what brings her to life. She throws herself into her witcher training with the enthusiasm of a kid going completely native, but still revels in getting to be girly for a change when Triss first arrives at Kaer Morhen. She hates Yennefer at first, but soon bonds with her just as strongly as she ever did with Geralt, picking up some of Yennfer’s haughty mannerisms along the way. And then she gets thrown through a portal and lost in the distant wilderness, and the whole world comes down on her head.

The build up to the first time Ciri actually has to kill someone is intense... and things only get worse from there. Steadily. For another couple of novels at a stretch. Seriously, a major caveat that pretty much has to go into any rec for these books (and I will absolutely rec these books) is that Ciri's story gets heavy. So heavy one finds oneself using phrases like, "that time that one guy died of his wounds on top of her while semi-consensually feeling her up was honestly one of the less traumatic incidents in the period."

By the end of the novels, Ciri has nearly died of thirst, been beaten, tied up, dragged around the country as a prisoner, run with bandits and killed innocent people for the fun of it, done fantasy-cocaine and got a tattoo, fought off more than one attempted rape, been drugged, lain for multiple nights next to an impotent elf who completely fails to impregnate her, watched the bodies of her friends and girlfriend being mutilated in front of her, and did I mention where she got that scar? She has survived hell, and it is absolutely a testament to her own strength that she somehow comes through it and puts herself back together at the end. When Geralt finally arrives to rescue her, what matters most isn't that her ordeal is over, but that she finally knows she hasn’t been abandoned by everyone who’d ever loved her after all.

The Ciri of the books is fierce and wild and arrogant, but she's learned her morals from the best, and she holds onto them until she can't, then picks them back up again when she can, and above all she survives. For all that her story turns arguably too much of the last two books into a slog of misery, oh boy does it pay off at the end. And that's probably about as much as I can say about her Big Moment in the last book without spoiling too much, so suffice to say that by the end of the saga, Geralt has pretty much become a supporting character in Ciri's story, not the other way around. (Seriously, you’d be surprised how few chapters of the last two books he’s actually in.)

Finding art which captures the aspects of Ciri’s character and history which are missing from the game has turned out to be pretty hard, though the fanart above from her bandit phase takes a decent crack at it (credit to Loles Romero and NastyaSkaya). I do rather like that one shot of her on horseback beside her girlfriend too, which comes from Denis Gordeev’s illustrations for the novels (below).

How much of this does TW3 get across with her portrayal in the game? Well, she's still pretty headstrong, I guess. And they let you give a 'sorry, I like girls' answer in one bit of dialogue, so they remembered her girlfriend existed. That's nice. But game!Ciri still has a kind of wide-eyed innocence that book!Ciri lost years ago, while book!Ciri is a little force of nature in ways the games hardly even hint at, and that's a really shameful loss.

You'd think, with a character so young, it ought to be easier to imagine she's simply grown up since we saw her last, but so much of what's changed about Ciri feels like a step back rather than forwards. I can shrug off Geralt and Regis' differences and still enjoy their game-verse-selves, but Ciri leaves me genuinely disappointed.

I’d say the official art that comes closest to capturing book!Ciri is that one portrait of her as a very grumpy young child (right above). Some of the early concept art (left above) feels a little more like it has her attitude, though she’s rather too yellow-blonde – not to mention too pretty. I think it also bears pointing out that Ciri isn’t really supposed to be the kind of beauty she is in the game – even before she gets what’s meant to be a seriously ugly and disfiguring scar. (Fanart below by justanor and bobolip)

But of course, the male gamer fanbase can’t be expected to give a fuck about a girl they wouldn’t want to fuck, so game!Ciri must be generically gorgeous. Le sigh.

Triss

I suppose I should at least touch on Triss, too, though she's a very odd case. She's so out of character in the first Witcher game that I am wryly amused that the biggest thing they arguably do get right is that taking advantage of Geralt the moment he showed up with amnesia is... pretty well in-character for her (look, I gotta be honest here, I'm not much of a fan of Triss in any of her incarnations).

The second game does a much better job with her – she actually feels like book!Triss, she has some good dialogue, we're finally dealing with some of her conflicted loyalties to the Lodge and to Geralt – though by the third, her characterisation has been so softened into “the nice one” that none of that potentially meaty conflict is ever resolved, or even really mentioned. Perhaps there's more buried in the Triss-romance path, which I've never bothered with, but the writers seem to have just given up on dealing with anything that might make her look less than wholly sympathetic. Heck, we hardly even get a clear statement about why she and Geralt broke up between Witchers 2 and 3.

Even speaking as such a not-a-fan of Triss, I promise there is more they could've done with the character the books give us. There's her ongoing trauma in from the Battle of Sodden, where she was injured so badly she was memorialised as one the dead: the 14th of the hill. There's her furious impatience with the neutrality of both the witchers and the Lodge: Triss has fought and died for a cause, and is ready to do so again. The second game sort of gets into this, but by and large, the games really aren't up to tackling the moral complexity of having such a theoretically-sympathetic character as Triss, who was still broadly willing to go along with the Lodge's plans to pair Ciri off and get her pregnant as soon as possible – her own wishes be damned. No, instead, Triss has conveniently left the Lodge before the rest of them go spiraling into abject villainy in the second game, clearing all that messy grey stuff out of the conflict.

Of course, the really big unresolved plot point still hanging over book!Triss is how badly she needs to terms with the fact Geralt's just Not That Into Her, and never has been – but since the games want Triss to be a serious romantic option, that's definitely not getting the resolution it could've used.

Book!Triss also pointedly avoids any outfit with a plunging neckline because her chest is covered with the ugly scars she received in the Battle of Sodden, something the games did not have the guts to reproduce. In a more confusing note, the books do consistently describe her hair as 'chestnut', which we'd usually think of as meaning 'brown' – though it turns out the games actually may not have been wrong to make her a redhead, since in Poland 'chestnut hair' apparently mean dark red hair (google some pictures of actual chestnuts, and you'll see why). Still, the firy-red-haired Triss of TW3 who wears nothing but plunging necklines remains a bit of a stretch, however you slice it. Once again, TW2 gets her best (and I must say, gave her the nicest outfit) – though even here she's conspicuously unscarred in all her sex scenes.

(Leftmost pic above is official Witcher 2 art, whereas Triss-with-scars fanart comes to us – once again – from nastyaskaya)

Shani

Shani sort of falls into a similar category as Triss as someone who isn't terribly well-served by any of her appearances, given that both exist in the first game largely to compete for Geralt's attentions. But I can't honestly say I find Shani’s portrayal in the Hearts of Stone expansion to be much better – the degree to which either version exists solely to fall all over Geralt is a bit painful, especially given that their relationship in the books is limited to a single, undramatic hook-up. Book!Shani really only appears in a couple of chapters: we meet her as a medical student friend of Dandelion's, who's been surreptitiously selling pilfered university supplies to fund her degree, then later see her again in the final book, where she proves herself as a battlefield medic during the climactic Battle of Brenna. She's pragmatic to a fault, and I really can't see her as the type who needs Geralt to point out to her that her patient is dead, for example, or who'd subject a guy with Geralt's problems to such an extended feelings-dump as you'll get out of her during the wedding.

Shani is a reasonably logical book-character to bring back, if only because she’s one of those who explicitly survives the ending, but for my money, "serious contender for Geralt's affections" is just not a role she works in.

Anna Henrietta

The duchess of Toussaint, Anna Henrietta, is another case who differs more from her book counterpart than you might think. In the books, the duchess is by far the least competent of the (pleasantly many and) various female leaders and rulers we meet – she comes across as rather young and naive, and every bit as absurd as everyone else in the ridiculous fairy-tale duchy she rules. She is, for example, most displeased to learn that Nilfgaard's war against the north is ongoing (something her courtiers have carefully avoided mentioning in her presence), because she'd long since sent the Emperor a stern note demanding he brought it to an end. She promptly has one of her ministers sent to the tower for misinforming her, and demands the others prepare an even sterner note for the emperor, which will surely do the job.

After Dandelion (inevitably) cheats on her, she has him repeatedly sent to the gallows, only to change her mind and send him a reprieve at the very last minute each time. Picture yourself a much younger and prettier version of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, and you've about got her general vibe.

Blood and Wine sort of waves at this part of her character when she first speaks about Dandelion, and again in suggesting there's a widespread feeling she lacks compassion, and once more as she proves utterly immovable on the subject of her sister. But the generally sensible and insightful woman you deal with for most of the main story is a far cry from her book-verse characterisation. That’s a bit of a shame, because I feel like there's a lot more they could have done to blend the two versions of her. Still, it’s hard to argue the duchess we get suits the story being told around her.

Other characters

Much as I love Yennefer, Dijkstra and Phillipa, I don't really have much more to say about them because I feel the games have done such a good job. The Yennefer of the books gets to show a lot more depth and complexity simply because she has more scenes and more space in which to do so, but when ‘there isn’t more of her’ is your biggest complaint, the game is officially doing pretty well. I could certainly gripe her about how “dresses in black and white” seems to have been taken as “dresses in black with maybe a trace of white trim”, or how Yennefer and Triss seem to be the only sorceresses in the world capable of wearing pants, when Phillipa (just for one) is in sensible men’s clothing the very first time we meet her, but that’s getting into serious nitpicking territory.

(Not that Yen can’t look amazing in outfits with more white – art by Emily Caroll, theclashofqueens, BarbaraRosiak, and cosplay by greatqueenlina)

Vesimir, Lambert and Eskel, Geralt's fellow witchers from the School of the Wolf, fall into a similar category for me – though we spend far less time with them in the books, everything we see of them in the games feels like a fairly logical extension of their book-roles. Vesimir is somewhat over-played as the old fogey, and his death is painfully cliched, but the impact on the characters and Kaer Morhen still hits home – and the games do some especially great work expanding Lambert into a much more complex character. To my mind, the only shame is that more of the book-original characters didn't get the same treatment.

Who have I missed? There's Avallac'h, of course, but I think I've got him pretty well covered by that last post. Zoltan, perhaps inevitably, has had his personality largely flattened into 'generic dwarf', with nothing better to do than hang around Geralt and Dandelion. You wouldn't know Book!Zoltan was apparently incapable of turning away women and children in need, for example – even human women and children with the chronic inability to say thankyou for his help. Or that he eventually admits to Geralt that the luggage he and his friends are carrying comes from a decidedly unsavoury source for such a supposedly charitable, upstanding guy. Yes, even Zoltan gets to be a morally complicated character in the books – who knew?

Speaking of dwarves, pleased as I am that Yarpen Zigren gets remembered in TW2, he's an odd one to talk about, since even in the books, he appears to have had a substantial personality transplant between his two main appearances. Yarpen’s a largely comedic figure in The Bounds of Reason short story, where he cheerfully admits to having considered letting his men knock down a particularly pompous aristocrat and piss all over him to teach him a lesson, but he’s evolved into a studious voice of reason against the scoiata'el by Blood of Elves. TW2 doesn't do a particularly good job of capturing either version, which I suspect probably bothered me more than most people – I liked the later book-incarnation of Yarpen immensely (and not even just because he's one of few ever to really call Triss out on just how much she needs to stop misreading Geralt's friendship as anything more than it is). His chapter in Blood of Elves packs a hell of a punch.

On the subject of accents

I do have to wonder if I'd have warmed up to characters like Triss, Shani and Dandelion (or even Letho) more if they'd only had halfway decent voice actors. It's not just that none are exactly leading the talent at the acting part of the job, it's that their American accents stick out in TW3 like a sore thumb.

Geralt mostly gets away his own US accent by dint of being the very first character we meet, so we've gotten used to the way he talks long before we notice how he stands out – hell, maybe that's just how they talk down in Rivia (hilariously, book!Geralt eventually reveals he's not even from Rivia, but simply picked the place and taught himself the accent so he could feel a bit less like the abandoned foundling he is, which only gives us yet more excuse for why his accent might sound a bit weird). More importantly, Geralt is meant to stand out, to be the outsider wherever he goes, so having him sound like no-one else fits the character.

But neither Triss or Dandelion are "of Rivia", and by the time they show up we've had dozens of hours in a game where literally everyone else sounds British, or Scottish, or Irish, or vaguely-eastern-European in the case of the Nilfgaardians. So why do these weirdos sound like no-one else on the continent?

The short answer seems to be that every character with an American accent in TW3 is someone who had an American accent in at least one of the previous games, which were way looser with their casting and had enough incidental American accents around that they didn't stand out. Clearly, by TW3, consistency with prior games has been prioritised over consistency with literally anything else we’re hearing.

Gaetan is an exception to the rule as the only new character (at least that I caught) with an American accent – presumably because between Geralt, Eskel, Lambert, Berengar, and Letho (and cohorts), some sort of 'witchers have American accents' rule has been pretty well established (another random American-accented witcher shows up in Thronebreaker, just to underline the point). We're going to mostly ignore Jad Karadin here, since his British accent is presumably a recent affectation to go with his new identity, and so makes sense.

This still doesn't really work though, since Letho’s school is all the way down in Nilfgaard (land of the Eastern European accents), while the oldest witcher from Kaer Morhen (Vesimir) is the one guy with a British accent. He sounds nothing like any of his students, despite the fact he's logically the guy they ought to have learned their accents from. So the logic falls in a heap however you slice it, and I'm thrown right out of the game.

With TW3 as your intro to the series, it feels almost as if characters like Triss and Dandelion have been assigned American accents because they're just too important to be saddled with the same pedestrian British accents as everyone else, which did nothing to endear them to me. The only one I eventually warmed up to was Lambert, and then only because he's just such a bitter asshole that he eventually goes full circle and comes out the other side (somewhere around when you've heard his miserable backstory, then gotten drunk together and told him how much you love him, man). Gaetan similarly snuck in under the same clause – American accents clearly work better for me in this series when attached to characters you're supposed to find pretty insufferable on first impressions.

Some final notes

To conclude, it seems only fair to throw in a quick nod to some of the more memorable book-characters who don't appear in the games. Neither Mother Nenneke (Geralt's sort-of-surrogate mother) or Vissena (Geralt's biological mother) ever appear either, alas – Vissena doesn't even merit so much as a Gwent card, which seems quite the wasted opportunity.

Milva, Cahir and Angouleme – the three remaining companions of Geralt’s who died alongside Regis but who were not so easily resurrected – naturally don’t appear. But nor are even really mentioned in all the games, which seems rather less than they deserve after giving their lives to Geralt's cause.

Cahir and Angouleme do at least have pretty badass Gwent cards to their names, though I am properly offended that Milva (who has the dubious honour of being my very favourite book character who doesn't ever appear in the games) is stuck with a card of her freaking death scene – which not only gets the scene wrong (believe me, there was no grimacing and gripping the arrow buried shallowly in her chest for poor Milva), but doesn't even bother to get her hair the right colour, for fuck’s sake. Basically, Milva was a stone cold badass and absolutely deserves better. #justice4milva

One can only guess how I'd have felt about some of these characters had I read the books before playing the games – I am obviously biased towards forgiving changes to characters whom I liked in their game incarnations, regardless of how they compare. Still, I think it does speak wonders that there still all these characters who suddenly made sense only after I'd met them in the books.

Even if only for Dandelion and Ciri, I can only dream of seeing a bit more of the book-original characterisations make it into the collective fannish consciousness. There's nothing wrong with getting into the canon purely based on the show or the games, but having read Sapkowski's novels, it's no longer any mystery how they spawned this massive franchise. That the saga wasn’t even fully available in English until well after Witcher 3 was released – a solid couple of decades late, and long after it had already been translated into Russian, French, German, Spanish and more – is a real shame. For once, it’s us in the anglophone world who’ve been missing out: these books deserve so much more than to be thought of as a footnote to the games or the show.

[thedeaditeslayer]

INTERVIEW: Bruce Campbell on the enduring legacy of horror classic ‘Evil Dead’.

Bruce Campbell, the multi-hyphenate actor who has had a tremendous cultural impact in the world of entertainment, has put together a résumé like no other performer. He’s known for playing the iconic character of Ash in the Evil Dead films and its spinoff TV series, Ash vs.The Evil Dead. This horror credibility is by no means exclusive; he has also acted in many other projects, including Burn Notice, Bubba Ho-Tep, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess and The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. Add to that a couple bestselling memoirs, and his professional life has been a full one.

Now he’s ready to talk about perhaps the best-known bullet point on that résumé: his starring turn in the original Evil Dead. On Saturday, Jan. 23, Campbell will take part in an interactive virtual watch party while the horror movie plays for an online audience. The Tobin Center for the Performing Arts in San Antonio is one of the national venues hosting the event. Tickets are $25-$50.

Recently Hollywood Soapbox spoke with Campbell about his career, about the horror movie that started it all and his new “retirement.” Here’s what he had to say …

On what fans can expect from the virtual event …

They can expect amazingness at every turn. You know what it is, it’s not your father’s commentary. Your father’s commentary was on the old DVDs, and the movie starts, and the actors sit around and shoot the shit about what they remember. But it’s real time. It’s OK, but you miss a lot of stuff. So in this case I’ve got some kind of device that’s going to allow me to stop, start, maybe even rewind because you can get a lot more detail. My problem with the old commentaries I would do: You tell a story, something, something. You look up, and you go, ‘Oh, I wish I could have told that story, but it’s already gone.’ So this is a chance to expand the experience, get a little more detail, more trivia. I can kind of tease stuff up. I can pause it and go, ‘Oh, oh, oh,’ and let the people know something [is coming], so it’s just a different type of format done in a very safe and responsible fashion in this modern era.”

On his other work during this pandemic …

My agent kind of put this together because I’ve done similar stuff. I have worked with Wizard Entertainment a lot over the years, and I’ve been doing Last Man Standing as a game show host virtually through Wizard Virtual. And we’ve done that a bunch of times, and we’ve done this sort of Hercules type of reunion sort of stuff. So we’ve danced around it, but this is a way to kind of do another version of something where you go, OK, let’s do a little sit down. You know what it is, it’s just a live performance without the theater. I would be doing essentially the same thing in a movie theater, but until those open again, this is a pretty good second opportunity because the cool thing about the broadcast is it’s open to the world.”

On his hopes for the future of this type of virtual programming …

I hope it works because there are a lot of other movies that I’d be happy to sit with and watch.

On whether he knew Evil Dead would be so legendary …

We knew it from day one. [laughs] No, we did not. Honestly, it was a struggle just to finish the movie. We were under-funded. We shot in Tennessee, but we left 12 weeks later. We were supposed to be there for four weeks, so everything fell apart. We put it back together again. It fell apart — raise a little more money, shoot a little more. So most people think it was 1981, when it came out, but you’re close. But it’s really 1979 is when we actually shot the movie, and then it took several other years just to cobble the thing together. So, no, there was no heightened sense of oh my God we’ve got Star Wars on our hands. We felt fortunate that we had just enough money to finish the damn thing.

On whether he was OK with the gore …

Going in, we knew we wanted to have no holds barred. The only scene I objected to as an individual was the vine rape scene, but it wasn’t my character they were doing it to. So my dog wasn’t really in that fight.

On how he approached the role of Ash …

Well, look the first Evil Dead is pretty straight. It’s kind of a melodrama. There’s not a lot of cracking jokes. By the second Evil Dead, he’s sort of like a veteran with a little more sardonic cracks here and there. By the time you get to Army of Darkness, he’s sort of the ugly American. He’s morphed into the full braggadocious guy — I’ve been through stuff; get out of my way. And then by Ash vs. Evil Dead, now he’s on the downslope. The guy is picking up chicks at the Last Call. He’s doing mescaline. It was fun to follow the character as he progresses and digresses.

On whether he wanted more episodes of Ash vs. Evil Dead …

You can never tell a company that’s putting up the money that they need to pay you more and finance more seasons because they have their own agenda, and they gave us three seasons, which is a fair shot. … Hey, they allowed us to do three seasons of basically unrated television, so fans certainly got their mouthful.

On whether he likes changing it up in his career …

I come from Detroit where in manufacturing they would do job rotation, like Fridays you’d work on tires, next week you’d work on fenders. This is in the factory, working in the auto factory, so it would be a way to keep the workers sort of interested. So, yeah, I love bopping in front of the camera, behind. This year I’m going to be a publisher. I’m going to publish a bunch of books later this year. I started a publishing company because there are a lot of projects that’ll never get made into movies, but doggone it, they sure can be made into novels and books and all kinds of fun stuff. … I’ve got 10 prospective books that I’ll sort of squeeze out over the next couple years. I’m just prepping each one, coming up with a cool cover. There’s tons of projects over the years that I developed. You look at it, and you go, well, no one is going to put up $10 million for this movie. But it won’t cost that much to put it out as a book because I think there’s a lot of stories that we thought were cool. I’d hate for them to wind up in a digital graveyard.

On whether he would ever play Ash again …

I’m officially retired, but I’m sure actors have said that before. I feel like I left it all out on the table for the TV show, and then beyond that, there wasn’t much I was either able or interested in lending to it. I’m going to do the voice for the video game. We’re doing an official Evil Dead game.

On whether he likes to meet fans at conventions …

I have no problem with it. It’s a fun interaction. You get to see new towns and see what folks are up to. You can do your own market research about what are they into, what are they like, what are they all about, who are they, how old are they, what do they look like, so that’s pretty fun. And staying relevant in front of a crowd is always fun, to torment the kids, so I’ll probably get that done if they’ll let us. I might do a drive-in movie tour later this summer.

On the fans who like the sequels as much as the original Evil Dead …

I just know that it was nice of them to embrace the rest of the movies, for different reasons. There are aficionados who like the straight horror of Evil Dead. There are people who like the wackiness of Evil Dead 2, which is sort of splat-stick. And there are some people who can’t really handle the gore, and they like Army of Darkness. It’s jokes; it’s talking skeletons. I mean a 12-year-old could watch Army of Darkness.

On being remembered for Ash above any other role …

You can’t predict how the viewing public will want to remember you over the years. I’m OK with it because Evil Dead got me into the film business and has given me gainful employment for years. What I found in the past is there’s no point grousing over what you think you are perceived as. Every person perceives an actor differently. If you only watch westerns, you might watch The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. and love it, but hate Evil Dead. You might love spy shows and watch Burn Notice, but you’re still not going to watch Evil Dead. So I’ve found I’m sort of known by what people watched, and that’s good. I’m OK, as long as they watch.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x10--The One About the End of the World

I did it, I wrote recaps for all of season 3. 

Oooh, this ep starts off with the credits.

This is the season 3 finale, but it’s not written by the Kings. Maybe they were busy with Evil at this point? As I’ve mentioned before, Evil is very good. I am NOT a fan of horror, but Evil works for me for several reasons. If you haven’t seen it, you might be imagining it’s full of jumpscares and gore. It certainly has its fair share of jumpscares and gore, but they’re not the point. The show’s definition of evil isn’t just demons… it’s radicalized misogyny and slavery and racial inequalities. And, as you might expect from a show written by the Kings, evil manifests itself in misuses of technology quite frequently. 

Honestly, I think I laugh more than I cover my eyes while watching. And, to be clear, I laugh because the show is funny. It’s quirky and bizarre, serious enough to be dramatic but light enough to be watchable.

It’s also got a central myth-arc (way more serialized and puzzlebox-y than TGW/TGF/Braindead) that’s as complicated as you want it to be. If you want to look for the hidden puzzle pieces (literal puzzle pieces!) you can. If you want to be an attentive but univested viewer, you’ll be able to follow the arc just fine. The arc itself is pretty simple and the Kings use recurring guest stars to build a web that pays off over the course of the season. So if you’re used to following a TV show with lots of guest stars-- and you all are, since you’re viewers of TGF-- the mytharc isn’t going to demand a lot of effort to follow. 

Speaking of guest stars, you WILL recognize at least one familiar face per episode. And if you pay attention to the credits, you’ll recognize the names behind the scenes, too. I love it when showrunners collaborate with the same people over and over-- it makes me think they’re good to work with and look out for their friends. 

Just finishing up the most recent season of Younger before I jump into writing this and there was a Liza/Charles scene giving me MAJOR Alicia/Peter in Death of a Client vibes, mostly because of her hairdo. Then I realized: both scenes were DEFINITELY filmed in the same place. I love it. 

Confession: I don’t actually remember anything about this ep, except for the very end.

Kurt was working from home! He was prepping for 2020.

Oh we saw Julius leave the firm to become a judge? And here I thought it was a spoiler he was in a robe in the s4 trailer.

There is talk of making Lucca a partner! Yes! There’s also discussion of someone named Rosalyn, who I’m sure is great but also, have you met Lucca Quinn? But in all seriousness, if the writers want me to truly believe there’s another associate who can rival Lucca, they have to show it to me.

I do believe the partner who says Rosalyn would be better for the culture of the firm than Lucca, though. Lucca hasn’t shown herself to be that invested in getting to know her colleagues (aside from the two white girls), and I think (not sure though) Rosalyn is the one we’ve seen speaking up the last several episodes. 

Jay is going to dig into Book Club more, and I cannot wait until this is gone.

Cookies shouldn’t have photorealistic faces on them. 

Did they REALLY hire white guys for the mailroom because that consultant said to?

There is a very angry former client of RBL asking for more money from Julius. Blum put him up to it. Go away, Blum! 

Now there’s a lawsuit to make it seem like RBL is exploiting all the police brutality victims they’re represented. This is part of Blum’s plot.

Diane accidentally answers a call from Marissa, so Marissa gets to hear all the gossip about salaries and partnerships.

Now there’s weird lightning. Not in the clear yet! 

Oh RIGHT, there was that FaceTime defect. I forgot about it. 

Lucca doesn’t want to know what Marissa heard, but she’s happy to hear more once Marissa’s started the conversation. 

Is it possible for a man to say “ladies, we’ll get to you” in a work setting without sounding sexist? I don’t think it is.

Casually sexist judge likes Blum. 

Oh hello Maia. Blum says Maia became “disgusted and quit” after seeing RBL’s methods. Well, that’s a lie. You’d know it was a lie even if we hadn’t seen Maia get fired, because in order for Maia to know the firm’s methods she would have to do work. (OKAY I WILL STOP BUT THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE WHERE I CAN MAKE JOKES AND I’M GONNA MISS MY PUNCHING BAG A LITTLE BIT)

Maia is using her mom’s name and carrying the portfolio Diane gave her, just to throw Diane off.  

Diane confronts her about it and asks if this is retribution. Maia says it’s just “lawyering.”  Maia could have gone to any other firm-- like, even Canning’s firm-- and I would’ve thought she had a point. I would say trying to throw Diane off is mean but no worse than what others have done. But Blum is so hateful and malicious Maia has no ground to stand on. 

Maia says she’s coming after RBL because they’ve done wrong. She sounds like she’s convinced herself-- or maybe she’s gotten that good at lying. (It is telling that so many former clients would be willing to join this suit, though-- Maia isn’t wrong about that)

Show title spoken alert!

I am pretty sure the Diane/Maia scene right there is one I would have ripped Diane to shreds for if it had been her vs Alicia, and Blum wasn’t involved, because Maia’s being very practical (Blum is out to screw you; I am here for the clients) and Diane is on her high horse. Hell, maybe I’d even take Maia’s side if we got Blum out of the picture. But I hate him. And Maia’s on this case because Blum said so. She’s running his firm and working with all his clients; this one just happens to have a way to spin as doing good. 

Kurt has to intro 45 and is drafting a speech. Diane doesn’t know yet, so she thinks his scribbled “the last two years have been amazing/brought me a new optimism” are about her. She finds out the real meaning for the scribbles and leaves the room.

Blum’s here again. I hate him. 

Also RBL may have caught Blum and turned him in to the ACDB but Blum got disbarred all on his own by doing disbarrable shit repeatedly and knowingly. 

Lightning balls. Weird. 

Lucca asks Jay how she’s thought of. I feel like if you have to ask that question you’re probably not thought of as an integral part of the culture. This is a smart thing to show as Lucca’s weak spot. She’s never liked making friends. Lucca also worries she’s “not black enough” for the firm.

“Everyone likes you. Just, a lot of the associates think you never hang out,” Jay says. “So it’s high school? I don’t care about being popular. Who has time to hang out?” Lucca responds. That’s the problem, right there! Maybe this isn’t such a thing at RBL, but where I work, the partners always make a point of greeting everyone, sticking around at happy hours, etc. Part of their job is to create the culture. RBL doesn’t seem to have that culture, but I absolutely understand why some of the partners want it to. 

And the “not black enough” comment is coming at least in part from Lucca’s tendency to surround herself with all the white characters when she does socialize. 

“I do not have to prove myself to anyone, or perform what they think black should look like. This is 2019. I’m not playing this stupid fucking game,” Lucca responds. She’s right, I think, but I would also be curious to hear other perspectives. This situation feels pretty nuanced to me in that I think it can simultaneously be true that Lucca can act however she wants and shouldn’t be judged or typed for it AND that there’s a somewhat strong case against Lucca as a partner because of her engagement with her coworkers.

Does the fact that I like Evil!Maia so much mean I secretly liked Maia all this time??? 

Jay asks Marissa to help him create more diverse happy hours. And then it’s time for them to confront Book Club. Jay’s got some intel on Rochelle, who’s legit enough to have done polling for Eli. Overcharging a client 30% for a focus group seems like maybe not a big enough deal to blackmail someone with, but Jay tries!

Rochelle isn’t having it and tells Jay and Marissa, basically, that she’s going to escalate things. 

Oh there are very many guns in Diane and Kurt’s bedroom suite thing. 

Diane winds up writing Kurt’s speech for him by bullshiting. Kurt knows it’s bullshit. Diane’s writing a parody but it’s also not parody at all. “A parody but it’s also not parody at all’ is also true of the mindfuck that’s been the last four years. 

Jay ends up doing drawings of cartoon animals to be used in court because the judge can’t understand anything complicated. One cartoon is Judy Giraffe, who may share a name with the toy Andrew Wiley’s kids had in late season 6 (but I’m too lazy to look it up and see if I’m right about that).

This also may just be Zootopia. 

LOL there’s ASMR happening now. I could explain why but it’s more fun if I don’t. 

This scene is hilariously over the top. 

Maia was 12 in 2000. I feel like that’s inconsistent with other timelines we’ve been given but whatever. 

Lucca awkwardly tries to socialize. Lucca immediately misspeaks by saying she thinks Obama probably wished that for one day he didn’t have to be “the black president” and her colleagues freeze up and push back.

Marissa then shows up and the scene ends. Awkward. 

Now Blum’s hired actors to be disruptive in court. Ridiculous. I hate Blum. That said, this isn’t really any lower than Diane’s ASMR shenanigans. 

Blum is singing now, goodbye. 

I FORGOT ABOUT THE CORRUPT JUDGE ADRIAN WAS FUCKING.

So much COTW in this ep. Remember how it used to have meaning when the regulars got called to the stand? Like, I know this is technically character driven drama but it’s nowhere near as engaging as last episode’s internal investigations.

Rosalyn comes into Lucca’s office: she knows they’re up for the same partnership, and understands that’s why Lucca came to drinks. Rosalyn was informed by one of the partners, and as much as I like Lucca, Rosalyn is making quite a good case for herself by handling herself so professionally here. She comes to Lucca once she realizes the partners are pitting them against each other, “because that’s what people do to the black girls.” I want to hear more of what Rosalyn is about to say, but she’s cut off by BALL LIGHTNING. What the fuck? Now the power is out. 

Rosalyn thinks it’s the end times. The red skies do suggest that. Lucca is unconvinced. 

Diane pays Maia a visit. “So, you got what you wanted. A corner office,” Diane says. Had Maia expressed this wish? Or is Diane mocking her?

Maia says she knows what she’s getting with Blum, and “sometimes that’s better.” She isn’t wrong. But it’s BLUM. 

Diane offers Maia her job back. No, PARTNERSHIP at RBL. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s hilarious enough in isolation, but the thought of Maia getting partnership over Lucca or Rosalyn (who both seem very deserving) makes it even worse. I think half of their staff would quit if Maia was made partner. 

It’s more money and Maia is skeptical. She (wisely) guesses that she’d be forced out after six months, but Diane (has she talked to any of the other partners about this?) says that wouldn’t happen. “You’re trying to buy me out of my case,” Maia FINALLY realizes. Well, I guess it makes sense she’d believe she was actually deserving of a partnership after two years of half working. 

Diane says it’s also because she impressed Adrian. Lol, okay. If that’s what it takes to make the suit go away.

Maia says she’ll think about it and asks Diane if it’s weird that they’ve ended up in this spot. Diane says yes and smiles.

Blum overheard the whole thing, naturally. He tells Diane that Maia won’t go with her. Now he is singing. Why is he singing. Why won’t he stop singing.

Liz does not like that Adrian and Corrupt Judge are friends. Why is Corrupt Judge here?

Diane watches Kurt awkwardly avoid clapping while standing directly behind 45. It is very funny and Diane enjoys it. Kurt is then removed from the audience, which leads Diane to say “Kurt, my God, I love you.” The incident makes the news almost instantly.

This Good Fight short has the characters in it. I imagine there’s a non-zero chance we get an animated, musical S4 wrap up given that they had to halt production. 

It’s weird there’s a short that says the season is over, followed by another scene.

Lucca and Marissa discuss how Maia got the partnership offer. Why would Diane or any of the partners let that slip?! “Two black girls are up for the job and they give it to the white girl,” Lucca says. Marissa’s surprised she’s not angry, but Lucca explains-- she knows Maia’s not going to take it. Marissa thinks Maia will, but Lucca understands that Maia’s moved on. 

Lucca no longer cares about the partnership because she’s realized “the best thing is to not care.” It’s almost like she was friends with Season 7 Alicia, who said this like twice an episode. 

Then Marissa and Lucca drop acid in the office because the world is ending, I guess. 

Didn’t the s1 finale also do this end of the world thing? A less apocalyptic version.

I think this Diane and Adrian scene may be a callback to that finale.

Diane posits that love and hope will get us through the endtimes.

Aaaah the case is still happening but I’m SO CLOSE to being done with season 3. I still love what TGF is doing, but its central devices and plots for season 2 worked so much better.

RBL wins! Diane notes that Maia hasn’t responded to their offer. Does that mean someone is still considering giving Maia a fucking partnership even though the case is closed? HA. 

Maia points this out and Diane insists they really want Maia home. This is probably the worst judgment I’ve ever seen Diane have? She wants to bring her goddaughter who is three years out of law school on as a partner at her firm, OVER two extremely qualified black women? Even if Maia were truly the best lawyer ever, the optics alone are bad enough to make Maia a terrible choice.

Maia decides, instead, to head for D.C. with Blum. She gets in an elevator and sucks on a fentanyl lollipop, which, sure, why not? I think they offer her partnership purely so we the viewers can see she’s choosing to emulate Blum and she likes it. 

BYE BLUM!!!!!!!!!! BYE MAIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won’t really miss either of you, but also, what am I going to write about when I can’t complain about Maia? 

And we’re back in the opening moments of the premiere, which, as it turns out, were a flashforward to this moment in which Kurt and Diane get SWATted seconds after Diane announces she’s happy and Kurt asks what could go wrong. I hope they’re both ok because I won’t be able to deal if they do anything to Kurt. (Or Diane but I’m less concerned about them killing her off lol.)

That’s a wrap! 

[mikami]

Death Note Audio Drama 03

Disc 3: Beloved Enemy - a summary / partial translation

Prior translations / an explanation as to what the fuck this is.

The title of this disc is so alarming, but it’s actually the first disc out of the ones I have listened to that doesn’t title drop in the text. The plot is still not going off the rails. In this: long conversations about porn, chips vs flips,  some good old L and Light first meeting (devoid of tennis) and..... Light being a nightmare retail customer who needs to speak to the manager.

___

We’re at To-Oh entrance exams. The teacher gives lengthy exam instructions, very teacher-typical. He also explains how big and important To-Oh is, because a German listener will naturally not necessarily be aware of that. The exam starts. The door opens.

TEACHER: You’re late, Mr...

LIGHT: Yagami. Light Yagami. I always get nervous if I have to wait too long.

TEACHER: You should still come earlier as to not bother the others. Please sit.

RYUK: Oh, he doesn’t like you, Light. Your cool attitude apparently--

Light coughs loudly. 

RYUK: Calm now. Nobody here can see or hear me. So here’s where the elite fights to get into University? All those freshly-scrubbed students with their freshly scrubbed brains... Oh, somebody is running even later.

TEACHER: What’s up with you millenials? As if there was nobody else in the world. And where’s your shoes? 

L: Bare feet help me think. 

TEACHER: It’s January. Aren’t you cold?

L: No.

TEACHER: You can sit here, next to the other one who was late. Mr...?

L: Erm, Ryuga. Hideki Ryuga. 

TEACHER: Really? That’s your name?

L: Yeah. 

TEACHER: Like the actor?

L: Yeah.

TEACHER: From TV?

L: Is there anything wrong with that?

TEACHER: Well, good luck, Mr. Ryuga.

RYUK: That’s not his name, Light. That’s not his name. He’s lying. 

LIGHT: I’m trying to focus here.

RYUK: I’ll bet. But I’ve got the eyes of a shinigami. And I know who that guy is. I can tell you, you’ve got a fan. A big fan. He pretends to study the task at hand, but he’s watching you. Like he’s been watching you for weeks. Don’t turn around now, but sitting behind you... is L.

____

TITLE MUSIC ____

Soichiro and L are watching Light. Soichiro insists Light is gonna study, but L points out that Light is about to leave the house. They notice the piece of paper that Light uses to check people coming into his room. Soichiro justifies it as “He’s a teen. And his sister always steals his pens”. 

_____

Ryuk and Light on the street. Light explains to Ryuk that someone was in his room, based on the door handle trick from the manga. They took out the more complicated pencil lead check. Light coerces Ryuk into looking for cameras the same way as in the manga. 

_____

Light returns home. We’re back with the surveillance team.

L: Now let’s see what your son is going to do with the rest of his evening. Camera 3. 

SOICHIRO: The exams are only a week away. He’s going to study until he falls asleep.

L: Weeell, you could put it that way.

SOICHIRO: Good lord. 

L: Is “Skimpy Cousins” on the curriculum this year?

SOICHIRO: My son of all people...

L (amused): It looks like a pile of books for studying... and with a very wide definition, that’s true.... Mandatory material, so to say. Camera 7, zoom in just a little... I’d like to read the titles. “Minxes in Uniforms”...

SOICHIRO: What we’re doing here isn’t right.

L: We’re looking for a killer. He’s looking at dirty booklets.

SOICHIRO: I’m just saying, watching this... is wrong.

L: If we witness it coming to a murder, it’ll be worth it. Though ‘coming’ might be the wrong term here. 

SOICHIRO: You’re enjoying this...

L: Not as much as he is, apparently. Or are we just supposed to think so?

L launches into his whole thing about how Light almost seems to just immediately want to point out what it is that he’s hiding. Soichiro is pissed. “You wanted evidence? There’s your evidence. My son likes to look at naked girls. Not quite a crime.” He’s very insistent that this is prove of Light’s innocence...

____

Ryuk chatters while he looks for cameras. He doesn’t get why human men love ‘the female form’. Women in the shinigami realm don’t even always have skin. Ryuk personally is very very into teeth on demon ladies. 

____

L and Soichiro are still arguing about the surveillance. L asks Soichiro if he’s told his family about the investigation, Soichiro denies and points out ruefully that he hasn’t been home a lot lately. L is like “Well, at least  every passing moment without your son doing voodoo magic or summoning the devil or whatever brings us closer to taking him off our list”.

_____

Ryuk found a lot of cameras and explains that to Light.

_____

A lengthy Sakura TV feature about a resident from an Australian village named ‘good old Tommy Smith’ dying. He left a goodbye message and shot himself. 

_____

STORE CLERK: Can I help you? 

LIGHT: Yes, I’d like to buy a portable TV. A small one.

STORE CLERK: Oh, alright. How small?

LIGHT: Small enough to fit into your pocket.

CLERK: Oh, you want a pocket TV? 

LIGHT: Exactly. The smaller the better.

CLERK: Oh, alright, good... Maybe you’d be better off looking on the ground floor.

LIGHT: Where they sell the cell phones?

CLERK: Yes. Practically every smartphone can stream TV nowadays.

LIGHT (in annoyed sing-song): But I don’t want a smartphone. I want a TV.

CLERK: Yes, okay, fine! Of course. I’m just saying. If you want a screen that fits into your pocket, then usually--

LIGHT: I said it before. I don’t want a cell phone. I also don’t want to use the internet. I don’t want to stream. I don’t want a two-way data transfer. 

CLERK: But--

LIGHT: I want a device that’s constructed to receive and display a TV signal. And I want this device to be small.

CLERK: Alright, I’ll just the manager real quick. 

____

A continuation of the Tommy Smith report. After his death it turned out he was a killer who was now in witness protection. People from the village get interviewed. Tommy Smith was a perfectly fine citizen to them.

____

MANAGER: Hello, sir. I’ve heard you’re looking for a portable TV?

LIGHT: That’s correct.

MANAGER: Did Gina tell you about our offers in regards to smartphones?

LIGHT: I don’t want one. Do you have portable TVs or not? 

MANAGER: You’re actually serious. 

LIGHT: The customer is always right, isn’t that so?

MANAGER: Well, we haven’t sold something like that in years. And even second-hand, you’ll probably be out of luck. An analogue terrestric signal hasn’t been broadcasted in forever. That means that everything that was produced ca. 2002 is only a useless pile of metal today. But wait... we still sell pro monitors! It’s what directors use to see what the camera is filming.

LIGHT: And those can receive TV signal?

MANAGER: Sure. But it really won’t be cheap.

LIGHT (sighs): I’ll pay in cash.

____

Muffled TV noises with cheesy lines.

SACHIKO: Sayu dear, do we really have to watch this during dinner?

SAYU: He’ll say it now! 

LIGHT: Who’s saying what? 

SAYU: He’s been taking his time for ten episodes now! 

SACHIKO: But you can record it and watch it later...

SAYU: Can not! I need to send my tweet right when he says it! Exactly in that moment! 

LIGHT: In what moment?

HIDEKI RYUGA (muffled from TV): I love you. 

Sayu gasping frantically.

SAYU: Yes! Yes! Oooooh my god. Oh my god! He said it! He told her! Hideki Ryuga is such a dream...

SACHIKO: And here I thought the guy was playing for the other team...

SAYU: Why can’t my school have men like you, Hideki? 

SACHIKO: Sayu, now come and eat your dinner.

SAYU: But mom...

____

The dinner conversation plays muffled. A phone rings. L picks up.

L: Matsuda, what’s up?

MATSUDA: Absolutely incredible. Hideki just confessed his feelings to Miko. 

L (through grit teeth): In the Kitamura household...

MATSUDA: They’re all watching channel 4. The whole family is parked on the couch in front of the TV.

Since everyone is watching the same channel, they’re broadcasting their fake message about 1500 agents being on the Kira task force now. Light calls them idiots for announcing this on the media. He also calls out that it’s an exaggeration by the police rather than true news. And he then takes chips and goes up to study.

_____

Ryuk explains some more about the cameras, that there are 64 and they cover every inch of the room. 

_____

SOICHIRO: What is he doing?

L: Studying. XXL party bag of chips, but... he’s studying.

SOICHIRO: This is exactly what we call a negative positive.

L: What do you mean, chief inspector?

SOICHIRO: We get a ton of equipment just to find out my son is doing.. nothing. 

L: We still don’t know how Kira gets his victims into his scope.

SOICHIRO: But we can strongly suspect Kira isn’t doing so by reading books and eating flips.

L: Chips.

SOICHIRO: They are flips.

L: Chips is the genus.

They are interrupted by another task force member (Matsuda?), mad about them wasting time watching Light doing nothing. 

_____

Light and Ryuk go out to the park, so that Ryuk can eat an apple. Light explains that nobody else likes Barbecue taste in this family (they kept the flavor change from the VIZ translation) and thus he can hide the TV in his flips bag. When Ryuk calls it a chips bag, Light actively corrects that it’s flips. Seems to run in the family.

_____

L is woken up because Ukita is calling on the phone about new murders that weren’t reported on while none of the suspects could have seen the news. L is suspicious that the family is cleared right on the first day of surveillance. Soichiro is annoyed.

______

The trash gets taken out and Ryuk points out how expensive the TV was, just like in the manga. Ryuk calls it a chips bag again and Light corrects to ‘flips bag’ again. 

______

A news report about Misa’s stalker dying. Misa herself is on air, recounting the event and claiming that Kira protected her like a guardian angel. 

_____

Paula Virilio calling L. She’s at a poolside because the FBI stint got her suspended. She wants L to rethink his illegal surveillance plans, since he might otherwise end up like her. L tells her the cameras were already removed. L briefly speculates that Kira might actually be God, then immediately gets rid of the thought. It’s the same as the thoughts he has as an internal monologue in the manga. Virilio says that once Light’s innocence is proven, he’ll be a totally normal college student again, and that gives L an idea....

_____

SOMEONE: You want to do what?

L: The entrance exams for college are next week. I’ll participate in them and naturally pass and thus go to college with Light Yagami. Look at him up-close, in person.

Agents laughing.

MATSUDA: L, come on, it’s not that easy. 

SOMEONE: Light does his entrance exams at To-Oh. That’s basically the best in the country.

MATSUDA: The average exam-taker passes at fourth try only. Those kids prepare for years.

L: Yagami seems pretty confident...

SOMEONE: He passed the test exams as the best. He’s the cleverest guy in the whole country. 

L: Out of the known guys. 

More laughter.

MATSUDA: Seriously now. You want to come in there, basically from the streets, and beat Japan’s best?

L: Hmm, yes.

MATSUDA: I’ll tell the others. We’ll open a betting pool. 

L: No, we’re not telling anyone. We’re just doing it. 

MATSUDA: Just... doing it?

L: Yeah, we’ll register and all. I’ll write the tests. 

MATSUDA: Okay, but you’ll have to give them a name.

L: Then let’s give them a name.

MATSUDA: Which name?

L: Just come up with something. Anything.

[ Side note but I have no idea if all of the Matsuda speech here is Matsuda, men’s voices are killing me. ]

____

L approaches Light at college and Light is annoyed, until L introduces himself as L. L is being a huge brat in this scene as well (”Oh come on, Light. You’re cleverer than you let on. Or at least I hoped so.”). Light lets on that he knows Kira needs a name, L points out that they haven’t released that info. Light justifies it by it being obvious because L is using a fake name.

L says Light could help with the investigation and invites Light to coffee. (He’s paying!)

_____

Soichiro and Kitamura are talking. Kitamura is noticing that he’s being watched and confronts Soichiro about it. (”Since Christmas, there’s been a few too many gas leaks in our street... or electric workers... even Jehova’s Witnesses have suddenly risen from their graves. I think if I was a criminal, I’d suspect someone is looking for excuses to snoop through my house. And then I think... No. Because last time I checked my business card, it said goddamn general inspector top honcho of the whole national police department! ”)

____

Light is hiding out in the café bathroom, having his little speech about L challenging him and him taking the challenge of them playing friends. (”Alright, L. You wanna be my buddy? Chill out with me? Let’s do it. Let’s see who breaks first.”) He’s far less angry than he is in the manga in this scene.

____

Ukita and Matsuda are supervising the scene from outside the café and L is bugged, too.

____

L tells Light he suspects him of being Kira. The L and Light dialogues in this episode are largely fairly close to the manga without too many amusing quips or interesting new bits. 

____

Soichiro and Kitamura keep arguing about the necessity of surveillance. Soichiro discloses that his son is a main suspect. 

SOICHIRO: The team is currently out trying to cross my son of the list once and for all.

KITAMURA: How can they do so?

SOICHIRO: Face to face.

KITAMURA: Isn’t that dangerous?

SOICHIRO: Mortally so.

KITAMURA: What exactly are they doing?

SOICHIRO: They’re probably having  coffee together. 

KITAMURA: Hah. Well that’s at least some not totally wasted working hours.

SOICHIRO: If you have a better idea, just come right out with it!

KITAMURA: How about this? Catch me a killer. 

SOICHIRO (tense): I’m sorry it’s not going fast enough for you.

_____

L shows Light the ‘L did you know’ message. Now (unlike at first mention), they point out the coded nature of the messages. L also gives out the faked ‘and they have red hands’ message addition. 

_____

Kitamura is still pissed about the Kira investigation not going anywhere and how it impacts his reputation. Soichiro gets extremely angry that they don’t have enough men and that just getting paid some more doesn’t solve the problem. 

SOICHIRO: Can you even imagine the pressure these men are under? Men with families? With children? I don’t think you can! If this was a flu epidemic, you’d mobilize the army. But sadly it’s just a row of unexplained heart attacks. So I’m left with just half a dozen men. 

KITAMURA: I gave you a cheque book with endless credit, Yagami.

SOICHIRO: Money doesn’t solve the problem, sir. The men think my task force is a suicide mission!

KITAMURA: Maybe that’s what it is, Yagami. But if we admit the full truth, we’ll have a nationwide panic.

SOICHIRO: We’re doing all we can. Everything. We’re following every hint. This criminal is smarter than any we’ve met before. He’s invisible! And kills from a distance! So... yes. I will bug your home, if it brings us even a centimeter closer to the truth. I can’t remember when I last slept. I haven’t shaved in days. And I go home and face my little boy, my firstborn, with all his potential.... his charm... his mother’s eyes... and grades most parents can only dream of... And I have to pretend... I have to... ghhgg. Uughh... [having heart attack noises]

____

Light says he wants his dad to prove L’s identity as L to him before he joins the investigation. Then both of them get the phone call that Soichiro is in the hospital. 

____

In the hospital. Soichiro’s gonna be fine, hurray. It was just stress. L lets Soichiro know that Light is gonna join the team now despite still being a suspect. That’s all the content in this conversation, everything else from the manga is cut. Soichiro asks L to watch over Light and L is like ‘yeah, I won’t take my eyes off him’.

Light immediately calls that out when they’re out of the room. (”Is that supposed to be funny?”). L and Light part ways outside the hospital, promising to find Kira together.

L’s car leaves, Ryuk points out that Light is playing with fire. Light ends the episode with the words “The game has begun.”

[nettlestonenell]

So, you want to adapt Little Women for the screen.

There’s quite a challenge ahead of you, Gentle Readers. Might I help get you started?

What, you might ask are my own bona fides in suggesting that I might have the right to hold forth on such a topic? Very well, I first read Little Women in 1983. The first of countless times I have read it. Actually, I collect copies of it, and buy interesting ones whenever I see them. I’ve seen more than a few adaptations of it.

The cover of my first copy. A giant volume, it was highly impractical to carry around. I did it anyway.

An initial challenge, any screen writer will tell you, is sheer length. Little Women was originally published as two separate books. So, an initial novel, and a sequel. By 1880, the two volumes were forever published as one. 

Not only does this mean lots of pages and plot needing weeded out of your script, but it also means you’re going to have two climaxes and two denouements (seems about right for a female novel, yeah?), another challenge when adapting the two stories into a single film. (Imagine having to create a single story/plot from Philosopher’s Stone AND Chamber of Secrets). 

Inevitably, what generally happens in past adaptations is that Part II gets greatly compressed and short-changed (and I do not doubt, Gentle Readers, creates some of the dissatisfaction among viewers and fans where the handling of Laurie’s proposal and the latter adolescence of characters and their romances/mates don’t land as they might if spent more time with).

Actual illustration of Book One (on the left) and Book Two (on the right) once adapted for film.

According to Wikipedia: The book has been adapted for cinema; twice as silent film and four times with sound in 1933, 1949, 1978 and 1994. Six television series were made, including four by the BBC—1950, 1958, 1970, and 2017. Two anime series were made in Japan during the 1980s. A musical version opened on Broadway in 2005. An American opera version in 1998 has been performed internationally and filmed for broadcast on US television in 2001. Greta Gerwig is directing a new rendition of the novel, set to be released 2019.

I could not hit “Add to Watchlist” fast enough.

So, the list of folks attempting to tackle Little Women is a long one, and not always a successful one. Some elements of the story are always going to play well, and frankly, be hard to mess up too much. But others? Others have some real sticking-points.

I’m not here to critique individual versions of adaptations today, Gentle Readers. 

I’m just here to muse on the Big Questions that need solid answers when you’re ready to take on writing your adaptation.

Someone contact them, I demand a recount.

1.       How much of the true lives of the Alcott family will we include?

It’s no secret at this point that Alcott took a lot of inspiration from her real life. But how much do we include? Do we have Thoreau invited over for dinner? Do we address some of the more radical notions of the Alcotts’? Do we just go ahead and make Father in the novel like Bronson in real life?

a.       How to explain/not explain the war and its effect on their lives

For contemporary audiences and readers, the incredibly matter-of-factness of the Civil War taking place deep in the background of the story will not resonate as much as it would to readers back in the day (It plays a bit like the Blitz in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe]. Perhaps it might be a good idea to bring it closer to the fore, beyond merely showing the girls in hoops, and coming across the occasional newspaper story or quietly dropped reference to a battle.

b.       How to address or not address the March’s contemporarily confusing socio-economic position (that of ‘genteel penury’)

Gentle people now in reduced circumstances is a tough sell intellectually when 2019 can allow most everyone to disguise their financial situation through extensive credit and things like those housing bubble mortgages given to lots of Americans. It’s going to be necessary at some point to explain or show how the Marchs, who have so little themselves, have (to our 2019-eyes) pretty clothes, a large, cozy house, the ability to take food and minister to the (much) poor(er) Hummels, and a house servant; Hannah. The humiliating fact that they can’t buy new gloves for a party does not...exactly track in the twenty-first century.

They’re much worse-off than the Bennets of Longbourne, whose financial crisis is on the horizon, but how can you show that to viewers unfamiliar with the notion of life as a fallen-from-wealth family?

2.       The persistent problematic-ness of Amy/Laurie

I will call to mind one adaptation, here, and Kirsten Dunst’s performance in particular. Singlehandedly, at the age of only *10*, she manages to sell the potential of not only Amy, but Amy/Laurie like no one else this tumblerian has ever seen. What a tragedy the film couldn’t have waited for her to grow up enough to also play Amy in the film’s second half.

In a world where perfect casting is rarely obtainable, this child should have been nominated for Oscar. She out-performs every Amy March before or since, ad infinitum.

Like many of the romantic partnerships, which other than Jo/Teddy (which is not presented as romantic in Book One) are included only in Book Two, films front-loaded with Book One (I can’t think of one I’ve seen that wasn’t) find themselves racing to a conclusion, and every one of the three couples suffers in presentation and allowing enough time for viewers to be ‘courted’ by them into liking them.

There’s simply not enough time left to work on all of them. So, it becomes a decision of which one is more important. Traditionally, as Brooke/Meg happens first, they get some character beats, but once Jo turns down Teddy... 

I can hear the screams of horror across the ages.

...adaptations become a fight between showing Amy/Laurie or Jo/Bhaer, yet both of which are true surprises to viewers not familiar with the story, and who need time to warm up and be seduced by these new pairings. 

(Mind you, I do think Bhaer and Jo should sneak up on a viewer/reader, but there still have to be signs planted here and there that make it make sense when it actually does happen.)  

3.       The age and age progression of the girls

Per the book, the story begins with Meg 16, Jo 15, Beth 13, and Amy 12 (aside: poor Marmee).

A clear example of...impractical* casting for teenagers. (And Jo! In trousers!?) * but perhaps necessary for community theatre

As I mentioned a few lines ago, Amy becomes the most difficult to cast, here, as it’s unlikely a person can play both 12 and the age of Amy when she accepts Laurie. Amy may be only 16 or so when she accepts Laurie, but contemporary viewers are probably going to need a little more assurance she’s not a child bride by her looking more mature than 16.

Beth is frequently cast older, which is also troublesome. She’s 16 at most when she dies, and has been ill for some time. (So, easy to assume she wasn’t growing rapidly.)

Jo has to be able to play age 15 to 25+.

Is that meant to be Jo on the left? Does that make Susan Dey Amy? Anyway, this production has the luxury of doing better on the ages of the girls. And they’ve got the inimitable Greer Garson as Aunt March!

Actors chosen can’t only be made-up to pass for certain ages, they also have to convince us they’re playing dress-up in the garret in the early portion of the film. 

In fact, Jo in particular with her harum-scarum ways isn’t deliberately trying to make constant mistakes and faux pas. She’s a kid who hasn’t yet grown up, with a kid’s energy and unbridled sincerity. Convince us of that.

4.       How to show both the importance and the growth of Jo’s writing

Filming someone writing is rarely moving to watch, and what’s more, writing is so misunderstood as a pastime or even a vocation, it doesn’t easily lend itself to being captivating when shown on-screen. And yet Jo’s writing is not only vital to the story, the growth and expression she finds in it are so deeply important to her character, and later to her romance plot with Bhaer. It’s got to be shown, and more than once. Moreso, or at least as much so as her temper, her mouth, and her lioness-like care for her sisters, it IS who she is.

Where’s the silly hat?

5.       Flawed female characters that are meant to confront and wrestle with those flaws

Well, this is a big one, here. It seems to me we’re sort of operating by 2019 where that old saw of [man] girl vs. self isn’t really written about or shown. Our society at large has become very vocal about whoever we are being awesome and “never change”.

Which is just about as far from the notions in Little Women as one could get. Every one of the ‘women’ has something they need to work on, to grow and improve about themselves. From Meg not being able to get over their loss of money and status (remembered from when she was younger), to Amy’s dissatisfaction and constant desire to fine things, to Beth’s introversion, to Jo’s temper and intolerance of those who aren’t as bold and rebellious against society as her, and Jo’s inability to accept the change that will constantly be coming into all their lives as they grow.

Nasty!

The Little Women Alcott wrote had lessons to learn, and directions to grow, contrary to what their gut reactions might be. You can call that a moralistic take on the novel, but you can’t argue that Jo has to change, and is expected to be her own instigator of that change within the novel(s). [It does seem like anymore in films that the only person we expect to change bad habits or wrong ways of being are actual ‘bad guys’/villains. And sometimes not even them.]

6.       Friedrich Bhaer

Well, that’s a mouthful. I don’t doubt that it always has been. The single, fan-dividing phrase of female literature. Am I right?

Doing for umbrella representation until Gene Kelly came along.

You know the story, right? That Alcott was so DONE with readers after Book One assuming and expecting Jo and Teddy to live happily ever after, she was so frustrated (she had never wanted, nor intended for that to happen) with all the shipping she built a Bhaer bomb.

@grrlinthefireplace would climb that.

And it’s still exploding readers’ and viewers’ minds today.

Why Professor Bhaer is the perfect match for Jo, and why their marriage and life together makes ultimate sense is certainly a post for another time, but I will say that if you’re still sore about it, take some time and reread the book as an adult, and see if you don’t also come to see the eminent sense in it.

That said, in any satisfying and successful adaptation, you’ve got to work hard to sell the man your heroine chooses over Laurie. Laurie’s had all of Book One and a good three-quarters of Book Two to endear himself to readers. Who’s this guy?

Well, yes, that’s William Shatner...as Professor Bhaer.

This guy isn’t good enough for Jo. This is nonsense. “Weird old guy with an uncomfortable age gap with my fave.” Are not the sort of things you’re going to want to read in reviews.

First, you’ve got to cast him right. Hollywood’s not *overly* worried about distressing RL gaps in ages between their actresses and actors, you might know, and beards are actually pretty in right now. Bhaer’s not a babe by any means, but he’s got an accent he can work. And he’s in love with our fave.

Think an Alan Rickman-type (I know he’s not German), did you see how hot Kurt Russell made Santa Claus in that Netflix Christmas movie? Jeff Bridges, Pierce Brosnan? Probably all too old. 

Bhaer’s actually described as “middle-aged”, which means 40ish, to Jo’s 25 (when she accepts him). You know who’s 40ish in Hollywood? Gerard Butler, Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, most of Hollywood’s Chrises, RDJ for Pete’s sake is 53. Give him a beard, and awkward social presence tick, and get him working on that accent, and I guarantee your audience will buy Jo’s attraction to him, and create a Twitter for his umbrella.

In the end, Bhaer is key to understanding that the novel isn’t trying to transform Jo into a woman who will fit into Teddy’s wealthy life and the social circles he has no plans to turn his back on. Bhaer is literally the embodiment of Jo making choices that she learns (and I daresay we are meant to learn) are right for her. She finds a man comfortable with who she is, who is in love with her brain as much as with the rest of her, who sees their coupling as a joint project, and who wants her to be the best her. (cough, cough, Gilbert Blythe prototype)

You’ve got to get him right, or what’s come before gets lost in dissatisfaction for Jo’s final, epic choice.

Oh, look, a nice picture of a charismatic, bearded German actor. How did that get here?

Let’s be succinct here in the end, Gentle Reader. Little Women (Books One and Two) and Little Men and Jo’s Boys would make a splendid series. (Such as Anne with an E), there’s certainly enough episodic drama and plot to go around.

Keep that in mind when planning out your adaptation.

What film adaptation is your favorite, and why?

[empress-of-snark]

Cursed Child Review!

(this will contain only the vaguest spoilers--you have been warned)

(also tumblr is being dumb and refusing to let me upload this with pictures, so expect a second post later with pictures)

THE THEATRE

So first of all, the Lyric Theatre is gorgeous. It was renovated specifically for this show, so the design is full of all kinds of Harry Potter references. Inside, the carpet is red with a Hogwarts ‘H’ pattern, and the ceiling is blue with gold stars.

Also, directly across from the entrance, on the way to the gift shop, there’s a small, circular room with patronuses painted all over the walls! They got all the major characters (minus Albus and Scorpius, but we don’t know their patronuses, do we?), as well as play quotes from each:

Speaking of the gift shop, I absolutely bought a Ravenclaw scarf and iron-on patch for my denim jacket. I wanted so badly to buy a replica wand as well (if I remember correctly, they had Harry, Ron, Hermione, Albus, Scorpius, and Voldemort), but they were pretty expensive and I couldn’t decide on a character anyway.

Also, funny thing, we got two playbills—one for Part One, and one for Part Two—and… they’re exactly alike. There’s nothing at all different except for a very slight alteration in cover art and the fact that they’re labeled Part One and Part Two. The insides are identical, lol. Weird.

THE PLOT

There’s really nothing to be said about the plot that hasn’t already been said. It’s not great. It’s not terrible either, honestly, but it’s not great. In terms of alternate HP content, I’d put it below Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but above Crimes of Grindelwald.

Part One is definitely the stronger half, plot-wise. Part Two is where everything goes a little off the rails and you start thinking “wait a second, did J.K. Rowling actually come up with this or is this just straight-up fanfiction that someone wrote in 2009?” Again, no spoilers, but… the Act III, Scene XXI plot twist is contrived and kind of ridiculous and seeing it played out on stage does nothing to improve my opinion on it.

THE CHARACTERS

Albus and Scorpius were phenomenal! To be honest, Albus has never really interested me as a character very much, he’s always just come across as a sullen teenager, but Nicholas Podany made me like him more than I did in my initial readings of the script.

Scorpius, though. SCORPIUS. I knew he was an adorable geek when I read the script, but seeing it on stage is just so much better. He’s the absolute cutest character and I adored him. Also, major props to Bubba Weiler’s physicality because it was awesome. His lounging awkwardly on the stairs and giving finger-guns to Rose in Act IV was priceless. Absolute cinnamon roll.

Speaking of Rose, I feel like I should talk about the whole shipping war thing of Rose/Scorpius vs. Albus/Scorpius, but honestly I don’t wanna drag this down into fandom wank, so maybe I’ll make a separate post later. Suffice it to say, I totally 100% understand why people ship Albus and Scorpius, but I also think we should be allowed to have other interpretations and sometimes people on the internet don’t understand what true friendship is supposed to be like despite constantly calling for more platonic friendships in the media.

Anyway.

Harry and Hermione were awesome. I know people complained about Harry’s characterization, but honestly, I think it’s similar to what happened with Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi. People don’t like watching their childhood heroes grow into flawed adults who make mistakes, and I understand. It’s hard to see Harry being such a strict father and saying or doing things that he regrets, but that’s what characters are supposed to be like. Harry is not perfect and he’s always had a bit of a temper. For the first eleven years of his life, he didn’t have a good father figure to guide him so as an adult, it makes sense that he would fumble a bit in fatherhood because he has no one to really base himself on, and he literally says this in Act IV.

Hermione didn’t have as much of a character arc, but she was excellent. Her characterization was on-point and I loved her. There was a moment I especially loved where she hugs Rose around the middle of Act III. There’s no dialogue and it’s only a brief moment, but it was beautiful. With context, it’ll make more sense why, but again, no spoilers.

Finally, my boy Ron Weasley, was… comic relief. Why am I not surprised. Functionally, he did almost nothing of any importance for the plot—they could’ve taken him out completely and it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. While he did have some good, genuinely funny moments (they included his line from the book when, in answer to Albus saying that everyone is staring at them at King’s Cross, he said “It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”) but he also has some really dumb, out-of-character moments as well (at one point, in response to a threat, he… pulled out his wand… backwards… and had to fix it… get it? Cause he’s stupid!).

That’s not to say the actor did a bad job. He did the best he could with the terrible characterization. But the bright side is, we got several really good Ron/Hermione scenes that were stupidly adorable and made my heart happy. My two favorites were, of course, the staircase scene in Act II and the scene in Hermione’s office in Act III.

Draco was great, I loved his relationship with Scorpius and how it grew, and I loved his reluctant allegiance with the Golden Trio.

Ginny was pretty good, though I wish they had given her a bit more to do at times.

I also wish Rose had gotten to be more a part of the action, but I get why, for a lot of the play, she couldn’t be involved in the plot. For spoiler-y reasons.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS

This is the real reason people see this play, and it is worth it! It’s worth sitting through the weirder parts of the plot. Some of the illusions I could figure out (a lot of them were either clever use of the fly system or two actors hiding in the same robe), but some I’m pretty sure were just genuine magic because I don’t know how they pulled them off.

Characters Polyjuice and Transfigure themselves into other characters, wands light up and even shoot fire (at one point, a lot of wands were shooting fire simultaneously during a multi-character duel and I don’t understand how the set didn’t catch on fire), a bookcase comes alive and eats three people and spits them back out again, and the DEMENTORS.

There were DEMENTORS and they were SPOOKY and AWESOME and I wish so badly that we had been in balcony seats because at one point, a dementor comes out over the audience and we were so far back that we could barely see it.

Also I don’t think it’s a huge spoiler to say that the show involves use of a Time Turner, and every time it was used, they did something really cool with the lights that gave the whole stage a ripple effect and I have no idea what it was they did, but it looked SO COOL.

IN SUMMARY

The building was gorgeous, the plot was just okay (better in the first half), the characters varied but were mostly good (all the actors were amazing), and the special effects are absolutely the best part of the show, hands down.

People have said that this show shouldn’t ever be professionally recorded because watching a DVD will never compare to seeing it live. I agree that the live experience is undoubtedly better, that’s the case with every play. Live is always better. But it’s not always possible for people to drop hundreds of dollars on a plane ride and Broadway tickets. Our tickets for Cursed Child were expensive, and we didn’t even get the best seats. I can’t believe how elitist people can be in thinking that if, for whatever reason, you can’t afford to see a Broadway show, then you shouldn’t be given a cheaper, more accessible option.

Also, like, I’m never going to be able to see the original Broadway cast of Into the Woods live because that show was running in 1987, but thanks to the professionally filmed DVD, I can watch it whenever I want and I love it. Money and time should not stop someone from experiencing theatre, ever.

Anyway, it was an amazing experience and I’m so glad I went! If anyone wants to talk more about it, or get my more spoiler-y opinions, shoot me a message! If you go anon, I’ll tag all responses with #cursed child spoilers.

[mst3kproject]

The Mask of Satan

Like a number of MST3K films, The Mask of Satan has multiple titles – it also goes by Black Sunday and Revenge of the Vampire.  The cast includes Ivo Garrani and Arturo Dominici, both of whom were in Hercules, and it was directed by Mario Bava, who worked on Hercules, Hercules Unchained, and Danger: Diabolik.  It’s an overwrought and highly riffable film – even the opening credits invite you to make fun, what with their announcement that this is ‘A Galatea Jolly Picture’ and the mention of a company called ‘Titanus’.  I can only imagine the reaction of the bots.

Three hundred years ago a vampire, or maybe a witch, named Asa was burned at the stake along with her boyfriend Igor.  As she dies, Asa cursed the head inquisitor, who happened to be her brother, and told him she would have her revenge.  Fast forward to the nineteenth century. ��A couple of doctors are on their way to a medical conference in Moscow when they happen across Asa’s tomb, and one of them accidentally allows some blood to fall on her, which brings her back to life. As foretold in her own curse, she sets out to destroy her brother’s descendants, which of course include Katya, a young woman played by the same actress as Asa.  That’s just how movies work.

While many movies that were on MST3K were bottomlessly cheap, The Mask of Satan was clearly fairly expensive: there are large, elaborate sets and detailed costumes, all too obviously artificial to really be convincing but impressive nevertheless. A few of the effects, like Asa’s eyes growing back in her skull or the ground buckling as Igor rises from the grave, are really cool.  Even the mediocre ones do their job, and the only real effects failure is the fakest rubber bat this side of Samson vs the Vampire Women.  This is obviously where most of the budget was spent, and they got what they paid for.

There’s also one really well-handled story element, which is when Asa makes one of the doctors, Kruvajan, into her undead slave. His inability to resist her makes us earnestly worried for his younger colleague Andre later in the film, and actor Andrea Checchi is really creepy, clearly distinct from the living version of Kruvajan, and yet still makes us believe that the other characters don’t find his behaviour suspicious.  Without any hesitation, this is the best performance, live or dubbed, in the movie.

Other aspects of The Mask of Satan are not nearly so well-done.  The sound, for example, is very odd.  More than once we hear wailing wind in shots without a single leaf stirring in their ‘creepy woods’ stock footage.  In other places where ambient sound might heighten the atmosphere, such as the first few moments of the terrified milkmaid on her way to the barn, the film is eerily silent.  Katya’s appearance is always accompanied by sweeping romantic music, even in the first scene where she’s supposed to be threatening – in one spot, she actually plays her own love theme on the piano.  There’s a bit where Asa clearly calls out Igor’s name, but the dub people didn’t bother adding it.

Also weird is that nobody in this movie, or at least nobody responsible for the dubbing, knows the difference between a dragon and a griffin, let alone a vampire and a witch.

The actual plot, as you may have noticed, is a list of tropes: identical descendants, history destined to repeat itself, love at first sight, and so forth, very little of it really justified in the story beyond assuming that everybody knows how these things work.  Old classics like the trapdoor spike pit and the pitchfork-wielding mob make completely straight-faced appearances. Characters speak lines and lines of exposition that doesn’t even try to sound like natural conversation.  In particular, Katya’s father spends most of his time on screen telling other people things they must already know.  Andre falls in love with Katya the moment he sees her, because the writers are too lazy to build up an actual emotional bond between them.  And surely it’s just a coincidence that casting the same actress as both Asa and Katya also saved money for the film-makers!

The writing is incredibly contrived.  Asa’s awakening, for example: having happened across the cemetery, one of the doctors explains to the other that the soul of a witch is kept down by a stone cross above her coffin.  Moments later, he is attacked by a bat out of nowhere (no explanation for this is ever given, although the movie acknowledges that it’s mysterious) and smashes both the cross and some glass in trying to scare it off, thus allowing his blood to drip onto the corpse.  This sounds kind of forced when I write it out, and believe me, it’s even more so in the movie.

Not so bad but still pretty awkward is the discovery of the secret passage behind the fireplace.  This feels like it really ought to be the result of careful searching but instead it’s a complete accident when a curtain catches on fire. There isn’t even any hint of a supernatural explanation for this as there was for the bat.  It just happens, and by very good luck it is exactly what the characters need!  The movie also leaves open the question of how anybody used the secret passage without wrecking the painting that covers the lever.  Again, no explanation is ever offered.

Like Samson vs the Vampire Women, The Mask of Satan tells us that we are looking at events of the past that are destined to be repeated.  Asa even says as much to Katya – this young woman was born to aid Asa’s resurrection, and she has no purpose in the world outside of that.  This leads to the most annoying thing in the movie: Katya is a complete cipher.  Like Helen in Revenge of the Creature, you could replace her with an object and the story wouldn’t change.  She could be a mystical book or magic amulet, anything the villains want to get and the heroes therefore need to keep.

Only once is the possibility raised of Katya having a life outside the movie: when Asa taunts her by telling her that Andre’s love for her could have saved her.  Even as a hypothetical free woman, Katya is still a possession, a thing – she can belong to Asa, or to Andre.  She cannot save herself because she has no will of her own.

In spite of this statement, Andre isn’t even the one who saves Katya!  He manages to break Asa’s hypnotic hold on him when he realizes Katya is wearing a cross, which Asa would be unable to do, but then he just sits around weeping and being comforted by a priest while the torch-wielding villagers run in to seize Asa and burn her at the stake.  It is only with Asa’s death that Katya is truly ‘saved’.  Andre didn’t defeat the undead Kruvajan – the priest did that. He didn’t kill Igor – Katya’s brother Konstantin did that, before dying, himself.  We’re supposed to believe Andre is the hero of this movie when he did basically nothing for the entire running time!

So the protagonists of this movie are completely useless, and don’t even have any romantic chemistry – hence the ridiculous music that always accompanies Katya, trying to make up the lack.  That doesn’t have to kill a movie.  One of my favourite old horror movies, Countess Dracula, has useless heroes, and I still enjoy it very much because the villains of that story are very compelling.  Likewise with most of Hammer’s Frankenstein movies, dominated by Peter Cushing’s doctor while the so-called ‘heroes’ merely revolve around him.  But the villains of The Mask of Satan aren’t particularly interesting, either.  Igor has nothing to him.  He wanders around looking like Vlad the Impaler and doing Asa’s bidding, but he has no personality.  Maybe this is intentional because he’s her zombie slave.  Asa herself does some monologuing, but is never particularly intimidating, possibly because she spends most of the movie lying flat on her back in a crypt while other people do her bidding.

The Mask of Satan presents women in general as very passive creatures.  Katya is a helpless victim, and even Asa, who ought to be the driving force of evil, sits around and lets others do her work. While Katya obeys orders, Asa gives them, which is supposed to establish her as evil by reminding us that women aren’t supposed to be in charge of anything.  The only other female characters with speaking roles are the milkmaid, who exists to passively watch some evil goings-on and then report them to the male characters, and her mother, a servant.  It is abundantly clear that the writers expect women to help the men and do as they’re told.

This is a pretty dull movie, all things considered. It launched the careers of both director Mario Bava and star Barbara Steele, but since he spent the rest of his career making Hercules movies and she went on to be in things like Nightmare Castle and The She-Beast (as distinct from the She-Creature), neither exactly became a name you’ll hear mentioned at the dinner table.  Despite some nice effects and effectively creepy moments, The Mask of Satan is not very engaging, egregiously sexist, and overall blandly forgettable.

[caramell0w]

Pen Pals- Chapter 4

Parings: Tom X Reader

Summary: You’re Pen pals with Tom but you don’t know it’s Tom Hiddleston

Warnings: None

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read the story so far and who has commented, re-blogged or liked it!  It’s because of you guys that I’m happy to keep posting.  I also was able to get this out tonight vs tomorrow..your welcome :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Word Count: 1578

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

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“Excuse me, I have to use the restroom,” you practically ran out of the room and headed towards the closest bathroom, Stacy close on your heels.

You opened the door with such force; you’re surprised it didn’t come off its hinges. ‘Shit, shit, shit,” you kept thinking to yourself.  You grabbed a stack of paper towels from the holder and pushed them under the faucet to start the water.  You rung them out and started blotting your face and neck, trying to calm your racing heart.

“Y/N, what’s going on? How do you know him?” Stacy asked, eyes wide with concern (or surprise, you weren’t sure).

“Tom and I have been writing to one another since we were in 3rd grade, only I didn’t know it was him,” you groaned.

“He’s hot!  This is a problem because..” she trailed off.

“Because I promised myself I would never meet this person, my pen pal.  I refused to exchange pictures, skype or anything.  I figured if I didn’t know who he was he wouldn’t seem real.  I’ve told him so much about my life, all the embarrassing things, past boyfriends, how I lost my virginity and how bad it was,” you chucked slightly, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.  You grabbed a paper towel and wiped under your eyes to catch the extra moisture.

“So basically he’s your best friend?  Again, I don’t see the problem with this.” You could tell Stacy was having a difficult time understanding where you were coming from.  Frankly, the more you tried to explain why it’s so bad; the harder time you were having convincing yourself.  Tom freaking Hiddleston is your pen pal.  You took a steadying breath and composed yourself before returning to the conference room.  Upon your return you were met with stares from everyone in the room.  You know they were all thinking you were crazy and what you did bordered on being unprofessional.

“I’m so sorry for running out of here; that was very unprofessional.  I want to assure you that my team will be working around the clock to make sure the marketing of this film will go off without a hitch.”  You looked around the room to see everyone nodding their heads.  When your eyes locked with Tom’s he smiled brightly at you and mouthed ‘sorry’.

The rest of the meeting went off without a hitch.  The cast stuck around for a few minutes to answer questions that your team was dying to ask (without giving spoilers of course).  Tom made his way to you and stood within an arms length distance.

“I didn’t mean to cause you distress, I’m sorry for that,” he apologized.  “When I got your email about the runner I knew it had to have been you I knocked over, so when you walked through the door I was in total shock.”

“When I got your email about a meeting with a marketing firm, I figured there couldn’t be that many companies in L.A. that have the same meeting today.  I’m just in shock.  I honestly figured we’d never meet and I could just go on thinking you weren’t real,” you blushed at your omission.  You quickly tried to cover what you just said, “Not that I ever thought you were fake, it’s just that since we hadn’t met or seen one another, you didn’t seem real.”

He hummed his understanding and gave you a thousand watt smile.  “I understand, no need to try and explain.  I would like to get the chance to get to know you, the girl who knows me better than anyone.  Would you like to get a drink?  We talked about going to Mangia Mangia, why not tonight?”

You took a deep breath and bit your lip in thought.

“Please don’t make me ask again, Darling.  If you don’t say yes Chris will make fun of me for the next week,” he leaned in and whispered, sending a chill down your spine.  As he moved closer you inhaled him; he smelled like leather and something that was uniquely him.  Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment before nodding your head yes.  You opened your eyes to see him smiling brightly, “If you give me your address I can come get you, if you’re OK with that?”

“Sure, give me your phone,” you insisted, placing your palm out waiting.  He unlocked it and you added your phone number and address to his contacts.  “Now you can call me,” you blushed handing the phone back to him.

“I look forward to using that number,” he winked and laughed.  You looked down to your feet and chuckled lightly, before looking back up into his eyes; they seemed to twinkle with delight.

“Come on lover boy, we’ve got to get going,” Chris said front behind you.

“I’ll pick you up at 7:30,” he took your hand in his and placed a chaste kiss to the back of it.

“Bye,” you all but whispered as he left the room, leaving you there with your team.

“Um, what just happened?” Joe asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s a long story, but the abridged version is he’s my pen pal from when I was 8 and we have been in touch ever sense,” you smiled as you told the story.

“So basically you made our lives easy then?  You have direct access to the cast, or at least one of them,” Rob chimed in.

“Think he can hook me up with Chris?” Julie laughed, but she blushed giving her thoughts away.

“You guys are all nuts. We’re just friends, and we aren’t even friends in person, this is the first time I’ve met the man.”

“Lucky you. He’s hot, wish I had a pen pal,” Nelly said.

You all walked out of the building and got back into Joe’s car to head back to the office.  As everyone else was talking about meeting the crew and work, your mind was drifting to thoughts of Tom and your date. No, it’s not a date.  It is just two friends going out to have a drink and maybe some dinner.  Your phone chimed indicating you had a message and you pulled it out of your pocket. The message was from an unknown number and it said ‘See you tonight Darling’.  You smiled as you added his number to your phones contacts and replied ‘See ya then’.

“Y/N, don’t you agree?” Rob asked.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” You asked focusing your attention on Rob.

He laughed, “Earth to Y/N. I said we should look at a few smaller venues where the cast can do talks, keep it a bit more intimate so the attendees can see that the cast isn’t just big Hollywood.  What do you think?”

“Since these actors are still pretty new, I think we need to hype up, not play down.  If it was someone like Johnny Deep or Robert Downey Jr. I would say you would be on to something.  We need to do things to hype up the movie, get them good press.  We could even do something where they show up to a hospital or school dressed as the characters and there could be a private showing.  They’re doing something to make people especially kids feel better and they get a ton of press from it, win win.”

You heard a few murmurs from the team as Joe parked the car and everyone got out and headed back into the office.  Two more hours and you were able to go home.  You tried to get some work done but your mind kept wandering to the evening. You were trying to figure out what to wear, what you were going to talk about, how he would smell.  The last one made you smile and you started getting nervous. You shook your head tried to focus on work again.

Finally, after what felt like 10 years, the day ended and you made your way through L.A traffic to your apartment.  You arrived at 6pm and headed straight to your room.  You pulled clothes down and held different outfits in front of yourself to look in the mirror.  Should you go casual in a pair of skinny jeans and a flowy top, or fancy in a knee length black dress with a scoop-neck.  

After trying on a dozen different outfits, you settled on a blue and white striped fit and flare dress with a slim hot pink belt that accented your waist.  You refreshed your make-up and added a little curl to your hair that you pinned half back.  You slipped on a pair of nude heels as you heard a knock on the door.  You looked around your room and it looked like a hurricane had hit.  You groaned as the knock on the door came again.

‘He’s not gonna come in here anyway,’ you thought as you opened the door.  The most beautiful man was standing in front of you and he literality took your breath away.  He was wearing a heather grey button down shirt, with the top button undone, showing just a small amount of chest hair and a pair of khaki’s.  He looked amazing.

“You look beautiful Y/N,” he commented, smiling and giving you the once over.

“You clean up nice yourself Tom,” you smiled back at him.

“Shall we?” He extended his elbow, allowing you to slip you arm into the crook.

“Let’s go.”

Tags are open:

@jksnick07 @courtneychicken @sarahmatthews7 @anorracorvin @kudosia @janelock221 @4theluvofall @nightmaresarentforever @cute-mirei

[acsversace-news]

Let’s just get this out of the way upfront, since the comparison is inevitable: The Assassination of Gianni Versace doesn’t quite reach the heights of The People vs. O.J. Simpson. But so what?

The second season of FX’s American Crime Story was never going to be as richly textured as the first, if only because Simpson’s “trial of the century” was so much more significant as a cultural event. The verdict was a defining American moment, the kind where you remember where you were when you heard it. So through no fault of its own, Versace never really stood a chance against its Emmy-winning ACS sibling. And yet, on its own merits, Versace makes for addictive, phenomenal television. I was hooked from the opening scene, in which director Ryan Murphy and series writer Tom Rob Smith dispense with the titular murder, getting it out of the way early before working their way backwards, tracing how this tragic crime came to pass.

Much like how the first season of ACS wasn’t really about O.J. Simpson, neither is the second season really about Italian fashion designer Gianni Versace. Instead, it inverts the first season’s formula and shifts its focus from the courtroom to the crime spree and the man behind it, Andrew Cunanan. This creative choice isn’t necessarily what I was expecting given Versace‘s marketing materials, which from the very start, have trumpeted the casting of Edgar Ramirez as Gianni and Penelope Cruz as Donatella. And yet it proves to be a wise decision, since to be honest, the power struggle within the House of Versace isn’t half as interesting as the walking question mark that is Cunanan.

So let’s talk about the actual star of the show, Darren Criss. I know Criss is a big TV star thanks to Murphy’s earlier hit Glee, and he has two million Twitter followers and he’s a very famous guy. But I’m a professional entertainment consumer and I’d never seen him in anything before (though I almost rented Girl Most Likely once), so as far as I was concerned, he felt completely new to me, as I imagine he will to a lot of people who didn’t watch Glee. I suspect that those who did watch it won’t recognize ‘Blaine’ once they see Criss covered in blood, a crazed look in his empty eyes. He’s simply excellent here as Cunanan, a gay serial killer in the vein of Matt Damon’s talented Mr. Ripley, but of course, this manipulative sociopath with a 147 IQ is hardly a work of fiction. Criss is absolutely chilling here, and there’s a haunting sadness to his carefully calibrated breakout performance. I can’t say enough about Criss’ work, which will force you to look at the actor in a completely different light.

As for Versace, he’s reduced to a supporting character in his own story, not that I’m arguing, given how satisfying all of the Cunanan scenes are. In fact, the episodes that solely focus on Andrew are the best of the bunch, and the Versace thread tends to interrupt their momentum. Ramirez is magnetic as the formidable fashion designer, but he also plays Versace with a certain softness that serves as a nice antidote to Cunanan’s craziness. You really believe Ramirez and Cruz could be siblings when Gianni and Donatella spar over her role in his budding empire. You can see Donatella is tired of living in her brother’s shadow and eager to carve out her own identity within the fashion world, and Gianni sees this as well, offering her up to the cameras in an attempt to placate her ego. Ricky Martin plays the third wheel of this co-dependent relationship, Gianni’s longtime partner Antonio D’Amico, and while the pop singer does a fine job, their relationship is just dressing on the Cunanan salad.

The series endeavors to depict Versace and Cunanan as two men on opposite ends of a spectrum. Versace came from nothing and built his life into something of meaning. Cunanan had a reasonably happy childhood, and yet, his life quickly fell apart once he struck out on his own. That parallel is reflected in one of the episode titles, “Creator/Destroyer,” which presents the men as two sides of the same ruthlessly ambitious coin. The difference between them is that while Cunanan desperately wanted to lead the life of luxury that Versace enjoyed and most people only read about in magazines, he wasn’t willing to put in any of the hard work to actually earn it.

Cunanan may have been added to the FBI’s Most Wanted list prior to the Versace murder, but he didn’t become infamous until he killed the fashion designer, relegating the rest of his victims to “other” status. That’s how they’re initially presented, too, since we don’t get to know what these people meant to Andrew until after we’ve learned he’s killed them, so it’s not until later that we come to understand how and why Cunanan could’ve done what he did. That’s if you can understand the killer’s warped thinking to begin with, given his knack for telling tall tales. The more lies Cunanan tells his friends, the more we realize he’s lying to himself, and he has no idea of who he really is anymore. He has lost his own sense of identity, drifting from one to the next as he zigzags his way across the country towards Versace’s opulent home in South Beach. For Cunanan, the greatest sin is to be boring and forgotten. Told all his life that he’s someone special, he’s stunned when others don’t see it, and Criss plays those moments of rejection quite beautifully.

The fourth episode of the season introduces Cunanan’s former lover, David Madson (hugely talented Australian actor Cody Fern, a real find) and David’s current beau, Jeffrey Trail (AHS alum Finn Wittrock), and you can’t underestimate their roles in this story, as the latter was Andrew’s first victim, the one who launched his multi-state crime spree. Trail gets his own half-episode (pointedly titled “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”) dedicated to the (mis)treatment of gays in the military, and while this statement of a subplot adds some context to how authorities (including the cops chasing Cunanan) regarded homosexuals 25 years ago, it also feels a bit shoehorned in. Like, what does this really have to do with Versace or Cunanan? ACS tries to make that connection, using cultural homophobia to explain law enforcement’s delayed search for Cunanan, but it feels a bit forced, though it’s clearly something that interested Murphy in the first place.

Versace is much more successful when it drills down into who Cunanan is, at least as much as one can, given the fact that the guy was a complete cypher of an human being — a gifted chameleon, if you will. A people pleaser, he could be whatever, and whoever, his friends/lovers/targets wanted him to be. That was his skill, if you will. The ability to adapt to any situation… though he also had a need for control. He cared how things looked to other people, and what they thought of him. Of course, to fully understand a man, you have to know where he comes from, and the series soars when it turns its lens on Andrew’s family, particularly his father, Modesto. Filipino actor Jon Jon Briones is utterly fantastic as Andrew’s father, who doted on his precocious child, whom he considered more special than his other kids. You can also see where Andrew might’ve learned his smooth-talking criminal behavior, as Modesto was a stockbroker who bilked people out of their money and abandoned his family when the feds came calling, fleeing back to the Philippines.

The rest of the cast is uniformly excellent from top to bottom. Mike Farrell and Judith Light are both incredible as slain Chicago real estate developer Lee Miglin and his wife, Marilyn. When Miglin’s body is discovered, no one has to tell her what happened — she knows right away, her worst fears confirmed. Edouard Holdener also deserves praise as young Andrew, and Max Greenfield is unrecognizable in the second episode, which offers a reminder of what he can do with the right part.

This disturbing character study is based on Maureen Orth’s book Vulgar Favors, and in addition to Murphy, its directors include Gwyneth Horder-Payton, Nelson Cragg, Daniel Minahan (check out his directorial debut Series 7: The Contenders) and Matt Bomer, though costumer designer Lou Eyrich and production designer Judy Becker deserve equal praise for their lavish contributions.

I might as well use this space to address the recent controversy surrounding the series, which according to the Versace family, is unauthorized and full of inaccuracies.

“The Versace family has neither authorized nor had any involvement whatsoever in the forthcoming TV series about the death of Mr. Gianni Versace,” the family said in a statement. “Since Versace did not authorize the book on which it is partly based nor has it taken part in the writing of the screenplay, this TV series should only be considered as a work of fiction.”

I completely appreciate why they would be concerned about the series’ depiction of Gianni, and particularly his health, I wouldn’t describe the series as a work of fiction, though I’d acknowledge that surely, there must be small fictions within the show. Still, I didn’t watch FX’s Simpson series like it was Ezra Edelman’s O.J. documentary, and I’m not taking The Assassination of Gianni Versace as gospel, either. Yes, it’s based on a bestselling non-fiction book, but as a regular viewer of crime shows, I’m fully aware that Tom Rob Smith is allowed some degree of artistic license in bringing that book to the small screen.

I imagine that can be hard to comprehend when you’re as close to the story as the Versace family is, but if they take a step back — and I don’t even know if they’ve actually seen the series they’ve been so quick to criticize — they’d see there’s really no reason to be concerned. Gianni is depicted as a strong leader, one aware of his mortality and a better man for it. The producers, and Ramirez especially, treat him with the utmost respect, and once the Versace family sees the full series, I think their biggest issue will be with how the show sort of manipulates the audience into having sympathy for Andrew, more than it will be about the depiction of Gianni, which is generous and loving.

“There’s always this question of when you’re making and writing this kind of material – you feel like you want to support the fundamental truths. And you are going to get some of the details wrong, or you’re going to have to fill in a gap at some point, where you don’t have access to the reality. I think the only way you are allowed to do that is if you’re supporting the bigger truth… I’m sure there are points where they could correct some of the smaller details, but I think the bigger picture is that this is a figure that we’re celebrating and a figure that we all fell in love with,” Smith said at FX’s TCA panel, noting that that ultimately, “the show is full of love for him.”

He isn’t lying, nor is trying to justify why Cunanan killed, as the fact that he was gay is ultimately besides the point. This show is about a guy who wanted what another man had but didn’t have the skills or tools to get it, so he figured the only way to achieve the immortality he craved was by robbing one of his icons of his mortality, thus ensuring both would live forever, together, in the annals of history. I don’t care how much of this actually happened and how much is artistic license on Smith’s part. All I care about is whether or not it’s entertaining, and on that front, Versace delivers.

This is a fascinating story about the making of a serial killer. A murderer finding his voice. It marks Tom Rob Smith as a major writer to watch, and Darren Criss as a force to be reckoned with. He delivers one of the most terrifying serial killer performance since Christian Bale starred in American Psycho, though Cunanan also reminded me, at times, of The Tooth Fairy from Manhunter and the serial killer in Copycat.

“You know, disgrace isn’t that bad, once you’ve settled into it,” Andrew tells one of his victims. Well Andrew Cunanan may go down in infamy as a disgrace, but The Assassination of Gianni Versace is anything but.

TB gives it an A.

[thedeaditeslayer]

In Conversation with Bruce Campbell.

Below is a short interview with Bruce Campbell that mostly covers The Evil Dead.

The film tells the story of five friends who take a vacation to an isolated cabin in the woods, and find themselves besieged by demonic forces after playing a tape recording of incantations. One by one they are possessed, and Ash (Campbell) as the last man standing, must survive the gruesome mayhem that upset British conservatism and saw the film labelled as a notorious ‘video nasty.’

Campbell spoke about the slow burn success of the movie, the moral ambiguity of the American audience, and how horror shouldn’t be something you’d hear on the six o’clock news

FRIGHTFEST: What were your expectations for EVIL DEAD in the beginning, and could you have anticipated its eventual success?

BRUCE CAMPBELL: Let’s not forget the time frame – its success was a very slow evolution. It took longer to raise the money than we had intended. We went to a different state to film it thinking it was going to be warmer, when in fact Tennessee had one of its coldest winters, and the state we fled, Michigan, had one of its mildest. So right from the start it was all very troubled.

It took about three years to complete the movie and we could not even find a US distributor. We finally got a UK company to look at it, Palace Pictures, and they finally distributed it. We were not even successful in our own country first, which was a big shock to us. It had to happen in another country first and then New Line Cinema came on board after seeing the success in Europe.

The whole thing was very strange, long and drawn out. I think the rights from EVIL DEAD 2, which was seven years later was when we finally got the investors to break even. So it took a long time for EVIL DEAD to be successful - it was a slow-motion success.

FF: From the responses to the film in the UK and Europe compared to America, is there a difference between these audiences?

BC: Well cynically, one would say in the UK they were more at the centre of the fall of civilisation, so they would appreciate chaos and nightmarish imagery. So that would be one theory for it. I think European audiences are more forgiving, whereas American audiences are a little more morally ambiguous. European girls don’t have the moral ambiguousness about sleeping with some dude – like it’s not thought of as being slutty. If you want to sleep with a guy you sleep with him. In the States, it’s this whole dance of should I, or shouldn’t I? Is it right, is it wrong? It’s the same thing in the States of, “Well that woman’s being violated by a vine in the woods, should I leave, should I stay?” Whereas in the UK it was just an outrageous scene and they probably laughed their asses off. So it’s weird, and it’s different civilisations is really what it is.

FF: When you think about THE EVIL DEAD, do you remember moments from the film or do you recall the experiences behind the scenes?

BC: …All my memories are of the experience of filming it, and then the experience of seeing the finished film in a theatre for the first time. You asked a few questions ago what did you hope to get out of it? We just wanted to make a finished movie, and when the film was completed, it was booked into my childhood theatre where I went to see basically every movie from the 70s.

I saw it on a Saturday matinee and there were only about 30 people in the audience, but I thought, ‘Okay, this is it. We did it. We’re playing our movie on our hometown screen.’ The funny thing is everything was gravy afterwards. The goal was could we figure out a way to get our movie into this professional theatre with Hollywood movies, and that was the fun part. So our definition of success might be different than other people’s, and where a big box office would be definition for some movies, for us it was just the fact we pulled it off.

FF: After sitting there in your local theatre, there was then the moment of thinking about what’s next?

BC: Obviously the first EVIL DEAD allowed us to make another movie, and that was the key thing too. We were very concerned about failing with our first movie, and it was one of the reasons why we made a genre movie in the first place. Most of our amateur movies in high school were not horror movies. Most were action or comedy, occasionally a drama, but mostly they were just silly movies, and so we were concerned about our investors getting their money back. We thought, ‘Well let’s pick a genre, let’s pick horror because it’s cheap, you don’t need any name actors and they can be very successful.’

One of the reasons why it was a horror film in the first place, was not because any of us were great horror aficionados. I was a Three Stooges fan, Sam was a big fan of the Marx Brothers, and I don’t think Rob Tapert was into horror of any kind. It was an economic choice

FF: I recall Quentin Tarantino saying that if you want to write books, read books, and if you want to make films, watch films. But could we argue that there are benefits to being less schooled, that allows for a different approach?

BC: …Very often a filmmaker’s first movie is their best because it’s all hands on deck. They go for broke, they don’t know where the limit is and when they should say, “no.” As a result it can sometimes be very excessive and masturbatory, but I thought Sam did an amazing job with his very first movie.

There’s a sequence in there where Ash is going crazy, and Sam stayed up all night doing storyboards for this sequence where the camera was tilted at a 45 degree dutch angle for every shot. I remember at the time we had discussions about whether that was going to be visually acceptable – could the audience even watch what was happening because it was such an extreme way to film. Sam was saying, “Ash is going crazy, the audience should be going crazy too.” It’s actually one of the best sequences of the movie, and it’s one of the most contemporary sequences because it was ahead of its time.

FF: Ideally, you want the film to endure and to engage with a future audience, and to not be limited to the period in which it’s made. Would you agree with this sentiment?

BC: I think nobody knows until the film is out. In my experience a film that is easy to make, is usually hard to watch. And usually films that are very hard to make, are much easier to watch. There’s just something about it when you know that the filmmakers and the actors have really sweated for a project - generally it tends to be better. If you have enough time to sit around telling movie stories between shots, I don’t think you’re working hard enough.

FF: In recent years we’ve seen torture porn and the celebration of violence to disgust rather than to provoke fear. How do you think THE EVIL DEAD fits into a person’s concept of horror who is watching it for the first time in 2020, compared to the context of horror for the 80s audience?

BC: Horror always changes and maybe it’s generational. It used to be the slasher movie, which was some crazy guy released from an institution and with an axe type concept. Then torture porn came in for a while and I’m very happy to see that go, only because it doesn’t celebrate the skill of filmmaking. You put a guy’s dick in a vice and poke it with a stick for half an hour, that’s not really horror. It’s just something you might hear on the six o’clock news.

The real success of a horror movie is getting someone to feel the atmosphere, to feel dread and to actually jump out of their seat. To build to a climatic scare is something that takes an incredible amount of skill between the filmmakers and the actors, and everyone involved. I’m just a big fan of if you’re going to do a horror movie, then it should be scary, but there’s a lot of different ways that something can be scary.

THE SIXTH SENSE I feel is a very disturbing movie, but there’s very little blood and violence in the whole thing. The movie THE TENENT, which is one of my favourite horror movies by [Roman] Polanski, it’s all mental. It’s actually making you think you’re going crazy, and that’s a skill. I’m a big fan of any horror that takes skill.

FF: I always admired that beyond the blood and the violence, it feels like you’re trapped, and you’re slowing succumbing to the oppressive claustrophobia, the gruelling psychological and emotional experience.

BC: The situation was real enough that it permeated into all of us. It was a real abandoned cabin down about a half a mile of road in the middle of nowhere. There was no electricity and no running water. It actually had some creepy history - a woman had fled there during a lightning storm, when someone was murdered at the cabin. So it all helped us to feel the reality.

We were only supposed to film for six weeks and we filmed for twelve. As the film dragged on, people were injured, they left, equipment broke, and it all added up and started to feel real after a while [laughs].

It permeated the movie because back in those days, if Ash hears a sound and swings his shotgun and blows out a window, that’s what you did. You used a real shotgun and you just blew out the window. We just did stuff viscerally back then, but with ASH VS EVIL DEAD, it’s all digital at that point. There’s no real shotgun show, no smoke, that’s digital too, there’s no flash, that’s added later. So I’m glad we made at least one of these movies completely analogue, and just about as real as you’re going to get.

[scrawnydutchman]

Coco Movie Review

Note: this review contains spoilers highlighted by bold letters for readers convenience. If you have not seen the film yet skip the bold sections and come back to read them once you HAVE seen it.

So I just came back from the theater after seeing Pixar’s Coco with a friend. An adventurous little romp about a Mexican boys’ supernatural journey to find his destiny, Coco is a spectacularly colorful, visually stimulating, heartfelt and clever little masterpiece that shows that in spite of recent worries many people have been having (myself included) Pixar isn’t losing their touch in creating marvelously original animated pieces. Granted this film borrows a lot of stylistic choices from Disney Animation Studios as well as other animated films (cough *BOOK OF LIFE* cough) but it also arguably takes those choices and makes them better. I’ll delve into more detail about that in a bit, but let’s tackle this film one section at a time, starting with story.

Story:

Synopsis: Miguel is a young boy who is part of a large family in Mexico and has aspirations to become a great musician. But music is banned in his family due to an ancestor of his leaving his wife and child behind to selfishly pursue a career in it. This doesn’t stop Miguel from striving for greatness though as he feels it’s in his blood to play music. One thing leads to another and Miguel ends up transporting himself to the realm of the dead where he decides to learn more about his families past to find out just what happened all those years ago. But it’s a race against the clock as Miguel finds out if he doesn’t leave the realm of the dead fast enough he will end up staying there forever. Will he be able to find his destiny and discover the truth about his family in time?

This is a pretty typical Disney plot setup. Young protagonist wants to achieve something greater than what his family has planned for him, goes on big misadventure to discover his true destiny, his family learns an important lesson about letting their kid follow their heart. If you’ve seen a Disney movie you know the ropes. But while this storyline is undeniably common among Disney films, Coco actually has a unique take on the subject matter that I haven’t seen previous entries ever do before. The lesson of the family letting Miguel follow his dreams is still present, but this time around it isn’t as clear cut and dry as, say, Pixar’s Ratatouille, which also had an ongoing theme of passion vs. family. While in Ratatouille the family pretty much has to concede to Remy as the film demonstrates he was right all along, Coco has the angle that Miguel is also at fault for a lot of his actions and has to know the importance of family as well. The film also has a great plot twist that makes the point that there IS such a thing as going too far for your dream. Truth be told it’s probably the most refreshing take on the subject matter I’ve ever seen either Disney or Pixar do.

The plot twist in this film is arguably the most effective twist I’ve ever seen either a Disney or Pixar film pull off. Matter of fact it’s very similar to the plot twist in Disney’s Frozen, but I would argue Coco succeeded where Frozen failed. In Frozen the true bad guy is hidden through a cheat in the narrative. The prince acts all starry eyed and innocent even when in the context of the scene nobody is around him, and so it’s a bit of a cheat to have it be executed in this fashion. With Coco, the bad guy is shrouded in mystery for the majority of the film. Ernesto de la cruz plays a very similar role to Gusteau in Ratatouille, where he’s a role model the protagonist never really interacts with outside of watching films and pretending to be there with him. At least that’s what it is for the majority of the movie. But when we DO finally meet him and learn his dark terrible secret, and that he cheated and murdered his way to his success, it’s not unbelievable, because just like the main character we as the audience only saw what he wanted us to see. We only ever saw his on screen persona and heard other people talk about him, whereas again, in Frozen the context implies the prince is virtuous even behind closed doors. It doesn’t feel out of nowhere because the narrative doesn’t progress in a way where betrayal was ruled out. And this twist is beyond clever because, again, it takes the moral we all see coming and puts a completely different spin on it. There IS such a thing as going too far for your dream, and there IS a certain extent where you have to put your family before your aspirations. It’s a much more profound look than kids are used to.

Beyond the compelling plot twist and the clever spin on an otherwise overdone message, it’s a pretty cookie cutter Disney movie. There’s a comedic foil, an adorable sidekick, an ambitious young protagonist, and this time around more than a few tear jerker moments. But hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. And man, when it comes to the tear jerkers, this film comes from the realest place since Pixar’s Up. The last 30 minutes are especially gut wrenching, which I for one think is a welcome compensation after Moana was pretty lacking in the sad stuff (though I will admit as a result this movie is lacking in the more comedic side). Also there’s a more than healthy dosage of Mexican culture to really break up the monotony of the story we’ve heard millions of times.

Animation/Art Design:

This. Film. Is. GORGEOUS!!! Absolutely colorful, inventive backgrounds, great use of contrasting blue with orange, dripping with Mexican atmosphere, and it really showcases some of the most impressive and inventive visuals I’ve ever seen in a Pixar movie. For one, this movie is not afraid to zoom in on all the intricate guitar playing, and for good reason. You can see every detail, every plucked string, every held note in the guitar playing. You might think this is a minor point, but take it from an animator; animating guitar or piano playing is EXTREMELY difficult especially if you want to make a point on being as accurate as possible. There’s a reason why in most animated media they zoom out, zoom in to the face or depict the playing from the other side of the piano to hide the fact that they probably aren’t hitting the right notes. Also, the way the skeletons move is wonderfully creative and interesting. So much thought went into how they walk, how they interact with their environment, how they rebuild themselves after splitting into several pieces. I especially love the squash and stretch the skeletons have; it makes them look appealingly jagged and really sells how lightweight they are without all that flesh and meat. This films is dripping with inventive visuals from beginning to end. The use of colous are on point, the lighting is great, the Textures are the best Pixar has pulled thus far. It’s a visual marvel. The character designs are great too, especially Dante the very derpy looking dog. The way his eyes and tongue look make for an effective comedic foil as well as the way his lanky scrawny body moves. In fact, the animal creatures in this movie are all very appealing in different ways. Many people including myself were skeptical about the designs of the skeletons, particularly with the big expressive Disney-esque eyes. While I’ll admit at first I thought they looked a little too odd they grew on me over time.

Also this movie is great at using it’s visuals to better progress the story, like how Miguel’s body is becoming more of a skeleton to sell the passage of time without verbally pointing it out too often.

There is just one very VERY minor issue I have with the visuals. I’m not 100% certain on this as I’ve only seen the film once thus far so it’s possible there’s just something wrong with my sight or some other reason, but I think the film uses motion blur to it’s disadvantage at times. There are scrolling shots in this movie that are supposed to showcase how massive an environment is and how many people are present in a location, but the use of motion blur makes it too fuzzy to really take in and I honestly think they laid it on too thick at times for how fast the camera actually moves. It got to a point where trying to follow the movement actually strained my eyes a little bit. It would have benefited the film more if they just left it out in certain points to make the image pop as clear as day. All well, it’s a minor knitpick that for all I know might not actually be a problem, but for the time being i’m docking a wee bit from the overall score. Besides that, it’s an undeniably beautiful flick.

Acting:

Pretty standard Disney and Pixar quality here. Every voice actor and actress in this movie does a stellar job. The cast is authentically Mexican and it shows (lncluding a Gabriel Iglesias cameo), making for greater immersion into the scenery. No performance seemed out of place, everybody got the proper emotions across. Not a whole lot else to say really.

Sound Design:

Again, pretty standard Disney and Pixar quality. Being that this movie has a heavy music theme in it, the soundtrack is beautiful and, again, authentically Mexican. The recurring song “Remember Me” is especially beautiful. This is one of those movies where the music is actually so good that I ended up getting the soundtrack on Spotify. Also, though it’s a minor addition, the mariachi cover of the music for the opening Disney logo is a nice touch. The sound effects were effective as always.

EDIT: I forgot to mention this the first time around. Not only is the music stellar but it actually plays into the plot as well in a way that’s very effective in retrospect. The song “Remember Me” has 2 versions; the opening bombastic one done by the villain of the movie and the softer, more sentimental version done by the real musician. This is actually brilliant foreshadowing to the types of characters each of them are. de la Cruz is a self absorbed, entitled asshole, and so his version of the song reflects that by being a big over the top dance number. The phrase “Remember Me” in this case is more about him telling his audience about how important he is. In contrast, the lullaby version is soft, sentimental and genuine. It isn’t superficial and it’s beautifully simple. This is a reflection of the writer. He didn’t write it to become a star. He didn’t write it because he wanted attention or glory. He wanted to make a connection with his daughter before he left. A touch like this is brilliantly subtle.

Conclusion:

Coco is tightly written with a clever and refreshing take on a recurring Disney trope. It’s visually stunning, very inventive, dripping with Mexican atmosphere and culture, and showcases some of the most heartfelt visuals and audibles I’ve seen come out of Pixar in a very long time. Really, my only problem with it was the use of motion blur at times, and that’s me REALLY stretching for something bad to say about it that I’m not even entirely sure I can back up. It’s a great film to take your kids to or to see for yourself if you’re an animation fan.

Story: 2/2

Animation/Art Design: 3.9/4

Acting: 2/2

Sound Design: 2/2

Final verdict; 9.9/10 - DAMN close to perfect.