#real life talks

[mauannacreates]

Hey guys.

So I would have to say that this day is a special day for me. I mean, it's my birthday today, and I guess I just want to reflect on some things that I just want to take a focus on, at least for this year, next year and beyond that would be even better.

Why would I do it on my birthday? I mean, I guess I want to reflect on some things, since you are only getting older and wiser, not younger...

And it's not to say that being old at this point of my life is a bad thing. I mean, being in my younger 20s is probably to say that according to a lot of people, it would be the hype of your life. Or it's the learning stage of getting up on your own two feet without the mandatory schooling years telling you what to do.

So the past few months, besides the writing on my book whenever you can, has been a bit more of a real-life rut for me more than a hype. Trying to understand the dynamics that I have between people while also getting those free for all OTs that are easy to access at my work. Running because of the hype of my legs going out of control, and well...

I got sick.

It's not as bad as some of the other illnesses, but I got nearly the whole week off work (nearly, because I did two hours of work one day before being sent home since I didn't look the best... and was told to stay home that day.) but that gave me the time to sit, reflect, do a bit more of my writing, and have the constant sniffles that doesn't want to go away that easily, which I still have, but it is getting better.

If I were to be absolutely honest, I haven't really been writing on the computer that much on the things that really matter to me, like my stories. I have been making progress on my stories, but not 10000ish a month like I have been since July. August was a bit under, but ok. But last month...? It was a slump. Barely 6000 words that I have done of that for the past month. I guess that has got to do with the lack of goals that I have placed on myself for the past few months and losing focus on that.

But I am hoping that for the rest of this year, I will be able to focus on my drafts and to get my fifth...? Sixth? Whatever draft this is of Conjured Secrets done.

Because there is a sledge that you get to when you haven't been making much progress, and then you're just trying to remember everything that has happened in the story so far, and it's not a good feeling. So, it's something that I have to try to think about while I'm creating my story, and I'm going to have to do around 600 words a day if I want to reach to that deadline.

And I do want to make sure that this gets done. Maybe get it beta read? Edited by an editor? I don't know, but I am noticing that this time, it's getting a bit harder to do in comparison to the other drafts. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing that it's harder, like it drags sort of thing, but I am willing to put my blood, sweat and tears into this draft until it's completed, and to see my characters grow from it.

This is my bit of rambling of the day. I am still not 100%, but I will focus some time onto this today, and hope to being more focus and vigor into it as the days go past.

[candy-bun-bun]

I have a job interview today!

Wish me luck ;v;

[boasamishipper]

helena eagan who grew up wanting for nothing but at the same time truly wanting nothing until she watched her innie receive the affection she spent her whole life trying to earn. helena eagan who stepped into her innie's life because she wanted to know what it felt like to be loved with no strings attached. helena eagan who tried so hard to be the woman her innie is - who crawled through a tunnel full of goat shit to help mark find his outie's wife, and tried to console irving before his trip to o&d, and laughed openly and freely with the refiners around the campfire on a snowy night - but in the end just couldn't pull it off. helly was never cruel. sometimes the poison drips through.

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[strangestcase]

becoming a furry nonhuman otherkin objectum genderweird relationship anarchy freak has made me immune to weird conservative whatifs. "what if people want to identify as animals" let them "what if people want to marry furniture" let them "what if-" is it hurting YOU? personally? or are you just so joyless that you can't conceive a living thinking person that isn't as repressed and deprived of whimsy as you

EDIT: Incest and pedophilia (including simulated pedophilia) don’t count because they do hurt people. I can’t believe I have to say this but things that hurt people aren’t part of the list of things that are weird but don’t hurt people.

[victarin]

i will like forever stand by the fact that self-insert art is good and helpful honestly. call it cringe or whtever but at the end of the day you need to realize that drawing yourself or writing yourself into your favorite media that makes you happy can be incredibly healing. there is seriously nothing wrong with wanting to experience a bit of a reality in which u live a life that is with your favorite character ever even if its "weird" cuz honestly who the fuck cares. make urself happy. let yourself have that singular pleasure of imagining yourself with someone or something that brings you comfort outside of this world that is not nearly as kind

[moonsidesong]

i feel like there's gotta be a WEIRD puberty process in between the last two stages of inkling development. bc like there's no way THIS is an overnight change right.

inkling middle school is probably just full of 13 year olds full of the wrath of a thousand suns that their skin tone is taking so long to grow in

[necroticboop]

GARGOYLES : ↳ Types of Soulmates

[metamatronic]

Super super curious how Ennard comes into play in your au. Did bro just sort of stick around or? (i love them sm regardless)

On Ennard

ennard sticks around because the only home they remember knowing was their good pal eggs.

[heartless-aro]

People when a character is aromantic or aromantic coded: Wowie! They’re aroACE! Because they aren’t interested in romance! Look at how aroace they are!

People when a character is aroace or aroace coded: Isn’t it cool that this character is asexual? Asexual icon! They’re such great asexual representation :)

[mauannacreates]

Here's this weeks update on the Sorcerer of Runes series! It talks about my progress on Conjured Secrets this week, along with some personal stuff and dialogue sneak peeks.

I hope you enjoy this weeks update!

[wotchernewt]

seriously though nothing can stop me from interpreting Real Life as canon just for how it progresses the canary curse situation. i'm obsessed with it. the curse gets broken in secret life and then in the very next "series", as much of a joke as it is, you get a situation like THAT. jimmy enters a mineshaft and everyone but him dies. not just his team, though obviously it's more significant because they were all red, but ren/martyn/skizz all get a mineshaft-death apiece. that canary's not doing his job anymore. he escaped his cage and made a break for the surface and everyone else is paying the price for it, and i for one could not be more proud of that little bird.

[yaolmao]

simp

[behindheterochromiaeyes]

introverts be like

[gnomewithalaptop]

Hi hello I will forever be thinking about how close Steph came to straight up murdering her dad during her debut