#real life talks
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Hey guys.
So I would have to say that this day is a special day for me. I mean, it's my birthday today, and I guess I just want to reflect on some things that I just want to take a focus on, at least for this year, next year and beyond that would be even better.
Why would I do it on my birthday? I mean, I guess I want to reflect on some things, since you are only getting older and wiser, not younger...
And it's not to say that being old at this point of my life is a bad thing. I mean, being in my younger 20s is probably to say that according to a lot of people, it would be the hype of your life. Or it's the learning stage of getting up on your own two feet without the mandatory schooling years telling you what to do.
So the past few months, besides the writing on my book whenever you can, has been a bit more of a real-life rut for me more than a hype. Trying to understand the dynamics that I have between people while also getting those free for all OTs that are easy to access at my work. Running because of the hype of my legs going out of control, and well...
I got sick.
It's not as bad as some of the other illnesses, but I got nearly the whole week off work (nearly, because I did two hours of work one day before being sent home since I didn't look the best... and was told to stay home that day.) but that gave me the time to sit, reflect, do a bit more of my writing, and have the constant sniffles that doesn't want to go away that easily, which I still have, but it is getting better.
If I were to be absolutely honest, I haven't really been writing on the computer that much on the things that really matter to me, like my stories. I have been making progress on my stories, but not 10000ish a month like I have been since July. August was a bit under, but ok. But last month...? It was a slump. Barely 6000 words that I have done of that for the past month. I guess that has got to do with the lack of goals that I have placed on myself for the past few months and losing focus on that.
But I am hoping that for the rest of this year, I will be able to focus on my drafts and to get my fifth...? Sixth? Whatever draft this is of Conjured Secrets done.
Because there is a sledge that you get to when you haven't been making much progress, and then you're just trying to remember everything that has happened in the story so far, and it's not a good feeling. So, it's something that I have to try to think about while I'm creating my story, and I'm going to have to do around 600 words a day if I want to reach to that deadline.
And I do want to make sure that this gets done. Maybe get it beta read? Edited by an editor? I don't know, but I am noticing that this time, it's getting a bit harder to do in comparison to the other drafts. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing that it's harder, like it drags sort of thing, but I am willing to put my blood, sweat and tears into this draft until it's completed, and to see my characters grow from it.
This is my bit of rambling of the day. I am still not 100%, but I will focus some time onto this today, and hope to being more focus and vigor into it as the days go past.
#writing#writeblr#writers of tumblr#creative writing#writing community#mauanna rambles#writer thoughts#writer problems#writing progress#writing goals#sorcerer of runes (sor) series#real life talks
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I have a job interview today!
Wish me luck ;v;
#charlie talks 🌱#real life talks#I'm so nervous but excited too#and then i have some club thing to go to after to and I'm nervous for that too like life give me a break#this is my first ever job interview so erm... yeah-
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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this is how logic chess works right
#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#ace attorney#please ignore how unrendered this is I've been. honestly really down lately and struggling to focus on the things I actually need to do#so I'm making dumb art to kill the bad vibes!!! hopefully#much as I love 'everyone has a magic lawyer ability except edgeworth' jokes I also want to image that when he does logic chess it's like#a real place they go to#that whoever he's talking to just has to deal with#I'm proud of the Chess Halo I think that's one of the best artistic decisions I've made in my life
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becoming a furry nonhuman otherkin objectum genderweird relationship anarchy freak has made me immune to weird conservative whatifs. "what if people want to identify as animals" let them "what if people want to marry furniture" let them "what if-" is it hurting YOU? personally? or are you just so joyless that you can't conceive a living thinking person that isn't as repressed and deprived of whimsy as you
EDIT: Incest and pedophilia (including simulated pedophilia) don’t count because they do hurt people. I can’t believe I have to say this but things that hurt people aren’t part of the list of things that are weird but don’t hurt people.
#doc talks#proshippers don’t interact!!!!!!!! you’re gross#I always tell myself im above pro/anti shit and then YOU come in all like ‘yes! incest doesn’t hurt anyone!’ fucking what#top ten sentences said by a person that thinks real life incest is glamorous like the incest on tv
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i will like forever stand by the fact that self-insert art is good and helpful honestly. call it cringe or whtever but at the end of the day you need to realize that drawing yourself or writing yourself into your favorite media that makes you happy can be incredibly healing. there is seriously nothing wrong with wanting to experience a bit of a reality in which u live a life that is with your favorite character ever even if its "weird" cuz honestly who the fuck cares. make urself happy. let yourself have that singular pleasure of imagining yourself with someone or something that brings you comfort outside of this world that is not nearly as kind
#especially if ur like me and u use it as replacement therapy cuz you cant access real life therapy#i do not care if its cringe if i draw myself talking w sun fnaf or who ever fucking else#if i do not have anyone to go to for comfort Let me make it up at the very fucking least#talking#ugh or possibly#delete later
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i feel like there's gotta be a WEIRD puberty process in between the last two stages of inkling development. bc like there's no way THIS is an overnight change right.
inkling middle school is probably just full of 13 year olds full of the wrath of a thousand suns that their skin tone is taking so long to grow in
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seriously though nothing can stop me from interpreting Real Life as canon just for how it progresses the canary curse situation. i'm obsessed with it. the curse gets broken in secret life and then in the very next "series", as much of a joke as it is, you get a situation like THAT. jimmy enters a mineshaft and everyone but him dies. not just his team, though obviously it's more significant because they were all red, but ren/martyn/skizz all get a mineshaft-death apiece. that canary's not doing his job anymore. he escaped his cage and made a break for the surface and everyone else is paying the price for it, and i for one could not be more proud of that little bird.
#that's not to say however that real life is on the same level of seriousity as all the other life games#the watchers grabbed all these players from the aftermath of the wildest party anyone's ever seen#the only ones not hungover were the ones drinking until dawn (now sleep deprived and plastered)#no one's going to have more than the vaguest memories of what the hell happened there#none of them sure if that was an actual Game or if some genius thought it would be a great idea to play-act one. while drunk.#the watchers know though. the watchers think it was funny.#wotcher talk#solidaritygaming#life series#life series smp#life smp#trafficblr#life series spoilers#real life#real life smp#rlsmp
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simp
#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE#my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life#this changes everything#I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle??#I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on#anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing#I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat#ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing#like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems#I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk#chuuya nakahara#dazai Osamu#bsd#bungou stray dogs#skk#soukoku#myart#I’m gonna post and pass out now
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Asterism book cover
#marcia#IT IS DONE!!!!#ASTERISM BOOK COVER REAL!!!#THANK YOU BEST FRIEND FOR WRITING A BOOK FOR ME WITH MY BELOVED OCS FROM MY WEBCOMIC IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME TALK ABOUT THEM!!!!!!!!!!#THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING THE NUANCES OF THEIR STORIES PERHAPS BETTER THAN I DO!!!!!!!!!#I LOVE THIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the clockmaster#tcm#orion lavont#garret#rosie lavont#heriot nysa#morgana jackson#superhero au#asterism#illustration#digital art#original art#artists on tumblr#character art#marciaillust
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Here's this weeks update on the Sorcerer of Runes series! It talks about my progress on Conjured Secrets this week, along with some personal stuff and dialogue sneak peeks.
I hope you enjoy this weeks update!
#substack#mauanna rambles#sorcerer of runes (sor) series#Conjured Secrets#Real life talks#Sneak peek#Jules#Braedon
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how do transmascs not want to kill themselves all the time honestly
#i experience transphobia and hardship in my daily life#and then i go home and go on my computer and learn that i dont experience any of that actually#im just pretending. and i shouldnt talk about it because im just a fake trans#who wishes his experiences could even measure up to a crumb of what real trans people (women) have to go through#ok cool.#testosterone is a controlled substance did you know that. my state is actively making it harder for people my age to access hrt#but i guess since im transmasc i dont actually have to worry about any of that! im fine!#i didnt have a 3 month time limit before it would be illegal for me to access hrt! im transmasc im too privileged to worry about that!#transphobia#transandrophobia
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Doctor "I saved you and I'll continue to heal you and stay by your side and find a way to cure you" Jiaoqiu
General "You saved me and healed me and now it's my turn to stay by your side and protect you and heal you" Feixiao
#honkai star rail#feiqiu#honkai star rail spoilers#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.5 spoilers#jiaoqiu#feixiao#SPOLIER TALK ->#THEY MAKE ME WANNA THROW UP#ugggggghhhhh jiaoqiu did his damnedest to support feixiao in defeating hoolay and was willing to give up his life#and when he and feixiao talked at the end and she devotes herself to him the same way he did with her#like GODDDDDDD. MOZE WAS RIGHT THERE TOO#yaoqing polycule real#nanjya.txt
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listening to Too Sweet for the first time and, damn, Crowley never got his flat back, did he? can't believe he's been crashing on Hozier's couch all this time drinking booze and waxing lamentations about his angel. strange world we live in
#hozier#crowley#good omens#ineffable husbands#but for real. this man is insane “you treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate” how do i keep going with my life after this line.#he'll take his whiskey neat his coffee black and his bed at three? 'kay.#i'll never write good omens fics or poetry half as good as this fucker (affectionate)#anthony j crowley#music#unheard ep#too sweet#marcela talks
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binding vow
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#done....collapses#up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d#the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse#as is Correct and Just#real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes#w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean#but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death#((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire#like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating#also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys#in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay#if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant#but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours
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introverts be like
#introvert#real talk#shy#shyness#don’t be shy#socialize#deep thoughts#dankest memes#funny memes#fresh memes#funnytumblr#ironic#writing humor#self deprecating humor#tumblr humor#am i doing it right?#does that make sense#why is this my life#i can relate#relateable#this has been a self related post#life quotes#about life#friends#no friends
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