#real footage of me when I think about you
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BABY MY BABY OMFGGGGGGGGG
Please come home, the kids miss you 🥰
I even have a typewriter waiting for you my love ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This was *againi a fricking MASTERPIECE. HOW ARE YOU DOING IT ? ARE YOU LIKE A GODESS OF WORDS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT ???
Because what the actual fuck ? I’m just flabbergasted, because what did I juste read ?
I don’t hear you chat ? “The best fix even written”? THATS RIGHTTTTTTTTTT
Honestly you slay I love you. Everyday I wake up thinking about you and when I have some messages from tumblr I hope hope hope it’s you.
I was hungry and you fed me a five stars Michelin five course meal.
Now about the fic…. Now now now I LOVE MOR SHES SUCH A GOOD FRIEND AND A GIRLS GIRL. The pettiness she gave to Az ?? 😨😋😍
And Rhys is so funny, and with Feyre at the beginning I love them so much. Using Nyx and all omg the fact that Mor called Selene a secret admirer, I was like “LMAO THAT IS ACTUALLY SO TRUE”.
Cassian fought with az ? What for ??? Why the fuck is the latter so calm ???? Like it seems normal that he has apologised and acted like that… but it’s one of your fic so I know it hides something underneath 🤨🤨🤨. So the word sorry does exist in his vocabulary!! Finally !!! Poor Az is insecure, but still a dick. Reader is again the best out of all of them and us. Big shout out to my girl !!
I can’t wait to know how runa and Selene will be dealt with and why Mor did keep the bracelets without fearing about losing them !!!!! So much questions I love it 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Again thank you for this piece of gold… and so much love to you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
(What do you mean I’m your favorite repost and react ?? Are you trying to seduce me ? Because it works !! I’m so honoured really 🥹🥹🥹)
Are We Still Friends? — Part Four
Pairing: Reader x Azriel
Summary: You navigate the aftermath of your confrontation. Azriel takes his first steps toward making things right.
Warnings: brief mentions of injury, bruises, and physical fighting. nyx being a cute baby. some fun introspection. reader is tired and overwhelmed. az is honest and open (hallelujah)
Word Count: 7k+
Part Three
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
Rhys was trying to be serious.
He truly, truly was.
From behind his polished desk, he looked every inch the High Lord—back straight, jaw tight, fingers drumming against the wood. His mouth opened, closed, then opened again, as though he couldn’t decide where to start.
You shifted in your seat, your body aching in strange places from the fight. The cut on your cheek throbbed and the bruising across your knuckles made every twitch of your fingers tender. But none of it compared to the strain in your cheeks—from holding back a laugh.
Feyre was perched on the arm of a chair beside you, Nyx cradled in her arms, his tiny fingers gripping the fabric of her flowy blouse. She wasn’t looking at you—refusing to, actually. Her gaze was locked firmly on her son, her lips pressed together in a trembling line, but you could see the corners twitching with suppressed amusement. You kept your gaze on her, waiting until the burn of your stare would render too hot for her to ignore.
It didn’t take long.
Feyre’s resolve crumbled as soon as her eyes met yours. She let out a laugh—sharp and bright and loud in the too-quiet room.
Rhys’s head snapped up. “Feyre, please. Not you too.”
Not you too. Morrigan had found the situation just as amusing.
Her laughter only grew, and Nyx joined in, making incomprehensible happy gurgles in response to his mother’s amusement.
“I’m sorry,” she said, though she didn’t sound sorry at all.
She passed Nyx to your open, offering arms, and crossed the room, wrapping her arms around Rhys’s neck. Her cheek brushed against his as she murmured—loud enough for you to hear, “You have to admit it’s funny.”
Rhys groaned, glancing at you. He opened his mouth, probably to protest, but you cut in, your voice laced with mock sternness as you bit back a smile. “Yeah, Rhys. You have to.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” he replied, fixing you with a look. “It is not funny.”
You gasped dramatically, adjusting Nyx in your lap and covering his tiny,pointed ears. “Don’t teach your son it’s okay to lie.”
Another groan. A hand dragged down his face, but his lips twitched as though fighting a losing battle. Finally, with a resigned shake of his head, he muttered, “Alright. Fine. It’s funny. But—
His words faltered.
“I am sorry,” you offered, filling the silence. You raised your free hand solemnly. “I lost my cool. That’s my bad. But in my defense, she really had it coming.”
Rhys casted a look at Feyre, who was leaning against the desk now, a smile still tugging at her lips. He shook his head again, sighing. “Maybe so,” he conceded, “But I can’t have our court’s emissary beating one of our citizens in broad daylight. It’s not a great look.”
“It wasn’t broad daylight,” you corrected, your attention shifting to Nyx as you untangled your hair from his iron grip, grimacing as the motion pulled at your scalp. “The sun was setting by the time we were done.”
Feyre let out another laugh, the sound powerful enough to pull a snort from her.
“And,” you added, “It was, at most, semi-private.”
“Unbelievable,” Rhys muttered, though there was no real heat in it.
Nyx babbled again, his chubby hand reaching for your hair once more.
“Okay, alright,” you said, straightening in your chair. The ache in your body flared as you moved, but you ignored it, your focus on Rhys. “You’re right, Rhys. I have a title and an image to uphold. I should’ve acted better. Tell me how to fix it, and I will.”
Rhys’s gaze lingered on you, as if the longer he stared at you, the easier words would come. Then he leaned back in his chair, his attention flicking to Feyre. They were in each other’s minds, you realized, talking in that way only they could. You could pick up the signs now, even subtle—a faint twitch of her lips, the softening in his gaze, even the rhythm of their blinks syncing up.
Finally, Rhys looked back at you, then down at Nyx, who was still babbling in your lap. When his gaze returned to yours, there was a thread of warmth beneath his voice. “You’re the most, objectively, rational of us all. If you say there was reasoning, then I believe you.”
You gave him a grateful smile.
“We just have to prepare for some damage control,” Feyre said. “It’s not exactly comforting for our citizens to see three of their highest-ranking officials fighting in the streets.”
“Three?” You frowned. “What—”
You were cut off as the door creaked open. All three of you turned as Mor stepped in, a large grin on her red painted lips. She was holding something small in her hand, and when she held it up, the light caught on the all-too-familiar jewelry.
“Don’t forget. She also found these,” Mor sang as she entered fully. She tossed two bracelets into the air, catching both effortlessly before holding them up again for emphasis. “So, I think that’s enough for a pardon.”
Rhys stood, crossing the room in a few long strides as Feyre followed. He took one of the bracelets from Mor, inspecting it carefully.
“What did you find?”
“What Y/n heard was right,” Mor said, rolling the other bracelet between her fingers. “It’s a simple listening charm. Very basic.”
Rhysand hummed. “And how does it work exactly?”
“It’s an anchored spell.”
“What does that mean?” Feyre asked, frowning. “An anchor?”
“It means the spell needs an anchor to function—a tether to keep it active and contained. Like a balloon tied to a string.” Rhys explained, his tone turning clinical. “It’s simple magic. The charm was designed to spy on whoever it was bound to.”
“And it was bound to who? Az?”
”Actually,” Mor said. She nodded towards you. “It was bound to Y/n.”
You weren’t paying full attention, not as you played a game of tug-of-war with Nyx and a strand of your hair. When the words finally hit you, you blinked, glancing between Mor and the bracelet in her hand. “What? On me?”
Mor nodded once more as Rhysand said, “Interesting.”
”And this was in Azriels room?” Feyre asked, looking over at you.
“One of them,” you confirmed. “The other Selene was wearing.”
Feyre’s gaze flicked to the cut across your cheek. “So she put it in Azriel’s room, but bound it to you?”
“No one tends to go into Az’s room.” Rhys frowned. “So she was only interested in conversations you were a part of.”
Of course. A bitter laugh bubbled up, but you clenched your jaw, forcing it down. You reminded yourself of what you’d seen earlier— the insecurity, rather than the malice you’d anticipated. Still, a certain annoyance lingered. Was her relationship with Azriel so fragile that she couldn’t talk to him? Were you so unapproachable that she couldn’t come to you? Instead, she planted a charm. To spy.
”Can I see it?” You asked.
Mor stepped forward, holding it out, and Nyx reached for it first, his tiny fingers desperately grasping at the shiny surface.
“This isn’t for you, buddy,” Mor cooed, crouching slightly. “This is Aunt Y/n’s special bracelet from her secret admirer.”
You shot her a flat look. “Secret admirer, my ass.”
Mor grinned, but her gaze flicked over you briefly, her teasing dimmed by something else—concern, maybe. Feyre stepped forward, lifting Nyx from your lap as you examined the bracelet.
“So what do we do with it now?” You glanced up at Mor.
“I can pay Helion a visit. Break the charm.”
“Alright,” Rhys said, the word accompanied by a considering hum. “But first, let me talk to Selene and Runa—Runa was the other one, right?”
Hearing her name sent a wave of irritation coursing through you. Your grip on the bracelet tightened instinctively as you nodded, the cool metal digging into your palm. You held it out for Mor to take, watching as she then took the second one back from Rhys. He studied you for a moment, his gaze drifting to your clenched fists.
“You’re just too great,” He said with a small grin. It was very father-like in its presentation, like he was trying to cheer up a sad child. “It’s intimidating.”
You rolled your eyes, but his attempt worked— the easy cadence chipping away at the tension in your shoulders, managing to coax a reluctant smile to your lips. “So I’ve been told.”
Your attention shifted to Feyre as she rocked Nyx gently in her arms. His soft breaths had already settled into the rhythm of sleep, and something in you softened at the sight. Your smile deepened, this time warmer, more genuine. Feyre caught your gaze, then glanced at her mate.
“It’s his bedtime,” she murmured, her attention returning to you. “And maybe you could use some rest too.”
You opened your mouth to argue, but Mor cut you off, her hand already brushing against your arm. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” she said softly, though there was no room for argument in her tone.
“I’m fine,” you tried to insist, but she gave you a look, leading you out of Rhysand’s office. You gave both him and Feyre a quick goodbye.
“Walk or winnow?” Mor asked once you were in the hall, tilting her head.
You thought it over for a brief moment. “Winnow,” you replied.
She nodded in agreement, the corners of her lips curving upwards. “Probably for the best,” she said, “Wouldn’t want you to find another citizen to fight on the way home.”
You moved to swat at her arm in mock indignation, but she was already gone, her laughter echoing faintly as she winnowed away.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
Mor was humming a small tune as she led you to your bedroom. She had a few more items in her hand since the last time you saw her, only a few moments prior.
“Sit,” she instructed, nodding towards your bed. Without waiting for a response, she pulled your chair from the small desk, its legs scraping sharply against the floor. Usually, you might've winced at the sound, but tonight it barely registered. You were too tired, too lost in your own thoughts to be fully aware of your surroundings.
You lowered yourself onto the edge of your bed, hands folded in your lap, watching as Mor set her haul on your bedside table: a first-aid healers kit and a small jar with a golden lid, the faint scent of herbs already wafting from it.
“Whats that?” you asked, motioning towards it as Mor sat down.
“I stopped by Majda’s earlier,” Mor replied, grabbing the jar and offering it to you.
You gingerly took it, running your fingers along the small glass. A healing balm, you gathered from the label, crafted and spelled to sooth the tenderness of injuries. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Of course I did,” she replied, fixing you with a look. She held her hand out in a silent request, and you granted it, placing the jar back in her soft palm. “I ran into Adrin while I was there, too.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm. I think he has a crush.”
Your brows furrowed. “On you?”
“No,” Mor laughed. “On you.” She twisted the lid off, the scent growing stronger, fresher. “This was practically free when I mentioned your name. He says hello, by the way.”
You rolled your eyes at the tone of her voice, at the small quirk in her lip. “How generous of him.”
Adrin was one of Madja’s recent apprentices, a male from the Dawn Court. Over the past year, you’d developed a sort of friendship with him—inevitable, given how often you stopped by Madja’s for elixirs, balms, or to request healing for one of your family members. Adrin was sweet in a way that stood out, especially for someone of his stature and wealth. Humble, easy to talk to. You’d always enjoyed your small conversations with him, none of which had ever felt particularly flirtatious.
But Mor liked to do this—tease you about romantic prospects where there were none.
“He seemed very sad to hear you were hurt,” she teased, dipping her fingers into the balm. “Here. Give me your hands.”
Reluctantly, you stretched out your hands, knuckles bruised and raw. She took them, her touch gentle as she worked the balm into your skin. It stung at first, then cooled, easing the ache.
“He’s cute,” Mor said lightly, noting your silence. “You should consider it.”
“Mhm,” you replied, not really listening. “Maybe.”
Mor glanced up at you, her hands pausing briefly before she resumed. “What are you thinking about?”
You shrugged and stared down at your hands, tracing the patterns of Mor’s thumbs as she smoothed over the worst of the bruising. “I don’t know. The whole thing, I guess.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t just beat them both.”
A small laugh slipped from you, unexpected. You were quite proud of how diplomatic you’d managed to be given the circumstances— though, you were sure diplomatic wasn’t the word Runa would use.
“I think,” you began, “I just figured it wasn’t worth it. At least with Selene, it wasn’t personal. There’s nothing I could’ve said to her that’d be worse than what I imagine she already tells herself. Runa just… said the wrong thing at the wrong time.”
Mor nodded with an amused smile, tilting your chin up with a finger so she could dab the balm along your jaw. On a hit you hadn’t even noticed until it started throbbing an hour later.
“Still. A listening charm is kind of insane,” she said. Her tone was measured, but you caught the edge of anger beneath it. “Can you imagine what else she could’ve heard?”
Your chest tightened. You nodded. Although not to the extent you might usually have, you had thought about it—the implications of the bracelet, the act Selene had committed, the idea Runa had planted. It was almost laughable. Your court was condemned for its supposed cruelty, led by a High Lord as infamous as Rhysand, yet citizens still felt emboldened enough to pull stunts like this. In any other court, Selene and Runa would’ve faced very different—more permanent—consequences.
“I don’t want to think about it too much,” you replied after a moment. “I’ll just get angry, and I’m kind of over that. It’s exhausting.”
“You’re better than me,” Mor muttered.
“Not really. I’m just tired.” You said simply. “Selene did a bad thing. She’s lucky it didn’t cause a serious disaster. I don’t feel the need to play the Mother’s role. Rhys will deal with her.”
Mor sat back, a faint grin tugging at her lips. “And in the meantime, I get pretty jewelry.”
You raised a brow.
“What?” Her grin widened. “Like we told Rhys, it’s only a basic listening spell. If I’m in possession of both charms, and I’m not talking to you, then no one’s hearing anything.”
“And if you lose one?”
She raised an eyebrow, slowly twisting the cap back onto the jar. “I won’t,” she replied simply. And you knew that was the end of the conversation. Mor guided your head to the side, leaning in to inspect the cut across your cheek.
“That bitch got you good, though,” Mor muttered. She touched it gently, and you grimaced. “All this from that bracelet?”
“It was chunky,” you replied dryly. “And I think Runa split it open much further.”
Mor scowled. “If I see her, she's as good as d—”
“Mor.”
She sighed dramatically. “At least tell me you got her good.”
You gave her a look and her grin widened. “Gods, I love you,” she said, shaking her head. “You might be the most terrifying one of us all when you’re angry.”
A smile tugged at your lips, the faint pull of it brushing against the ache in your cheek. The sound of a laugh started to rise in your chest when a low voice cut through the moment.
“I would agree.”
You jumped, and your head snapped toward the doorway— where Azriel now stood.
Your chest tightened at the sight of him, the moment’s levity collapsing under his presence. Instinctively, your eyes ran over him, taking in every detail. He looked tense, wings drawn in tight to his back, his posture stiff. Shadows hung close to him, unnervingly still. Disheveled, too—his hair was a mess and faint bruises bloomed along his face. His hands were hidden by his shadows, but you’d bet they bore the same marks as yours. Three officials, Feyre had said. You now knew the second.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”
Mor snickered beside you, drawing your attention just as her brows lifted in amusement. She turned away from him and faced you instead. “You hear that, Y/n? He’s sorry.”
You raised your own brows, gaze flicking back to him. “So those words do exist in your vocabulary.”
The bite didn’t feel as satisfying as it should have. It felt hollow, old. Azriel’s jaw tightened, his chest rising as he drew in a measured breath. After a moment, he stepped forward. His gaze lingered on you for another moment before he turned to Mor.
“May we have a moment alone?”
Mor’s eyes narrowed, the sharpness in her gaze dragging over him like a knife. She didn’t answer right away, looking back to you instead, searching your face for permission. Despite yourself, you gave her a small nod.
Her displeasure showed in the faint widening of her eyes, but she stood anyway, brushing her hand against yours in passing. Her touch was soft, careful not to press too hard against the bruises. “Love you,” she murmured. “Let me know if you need anything else tonight.”
You gave her a small smile, nodding again as she walked past Azriel. His shadows recoiled from her, drawing a dark outline along his arm. She casted one last glare over her shoulder.
“Idiot,” she muttered, loud enough for both of you to hear. Then she was gone.
The silence she left behind felt suffocating, a heavy thing that settled over the room. You avoided Azriel’s gaze, focusing instead on the healer’s kit sitting on the bedside table. You reached for it, but Azriel held up a hand to stop you.
“I can do it myself,” you said.
“I know,” Az replied softly. “But let me. Please.”
You hesitated. He looked troubled, guilt heavy in his expression, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. The conversation had been inevitable, long overdue. Might as well get it over with while he tended to the cut on your cheek.
Besides, you were too exhausted to care.
“Fine.”
Azriel gave you a small, unsure smile—grateful, almost. He disappeared to the bathroom, and when he returned, he sat with a wet rag in hand.
You tried to hold on to your anger, to avoid his eyes, but your resolve began to falter the moment his shadows began to twist around your arms. They moved languidly, curling up your wrists and brushing your fingers as you played with your hands in your lap. You focused on them instead of him— on their quiet presence, the personality in them that so few ever noticed. You’d missed the way they felt like him.
Azriel began unpacking the kit—clean cloths, antiseptic. The smell made your nose scrunch. You took in the bruising on his face—on his cheek, a split near his eyebrow, even on his lip. Strange, strategically unplaced.
“What happened to you?” you asked before you could stop yourself.
“Cassian happened.”
And there it was— the third official. You wanted to probe for more details, were even tempted to make a joke out of his current appearance, but your irritation held you back. You stayed silent as he cleaned the wound, as he dried it. When he soaked another cloth with antiseptic, he looked at you.
“I owe you a big, proper apology.”
You didn’t look at him, even as his words pulled at you. “Yeah.”
He paused— like he was thinking, like he was ashamed— and took a deep breath before he said, “Many, actually.”
You didn’t respond. You just nodded, watching him from the corner of your eye. When the cloth touched your cheek, you winced. He grimaced, eyebrows furrowing in apology.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
Another pause.
“You were right,” he said, his focus staying on your cheek. “And I should have listened to you.”
This time, the pull of his voice was strong enough to draw your attention. As he leaned closer to begin cleaning the cut, you studied his face—the sharp line of his jaw, the crease in his brow as he worked with precision.
“I’m always right,” you muttered, and the words had more mirth than you’d expected. You supposed that was natural with Azriel, an instinct of sorts. Even when you were unhappy with him. “You’re going to have to be specific.”
Something softened in his expression—just for a second. But you saw it. You could’ve sworn you saw the faintest hint of a smile tug at his lips, heard a soft breath of amusement. His molten eyes met yours briefly.
“You were right about Selene.”
Your chest tightened. You didn’t know why, but his gaze burned. You couldn’t hold it for long and looked back down at your hands, letting the shadows weave between your fingers. You wondered what information Az knew— wondered who told him. If it was Mor who had talked to Cassian, if it was Cassian who then, in turn, had given Azriel the whole story. Had they fought beforehand? What for?
“I broke up with her,” Azriel added. “When I heard about what happened.”
You looked up, but Az’s gaze was no longer on you. “You did?”
He nodded. You tracked the bob in his throat as he swallowed.
“There’s no coming back from what she did.”
Azriel set the cloth aside, carefully wiping away the excess antiseptic. He seemed unnervingly calm for the situation—for the invasion of privacy from someone he’d been intimate with. You’d expected something more. Anger like you’d seen with Eris, confrontation like he’d shown Lucien. But, instead, he was gentle. Maybe it should’ve bothered you, that he seemed so unphased at your current state. It didn’t. If anything, you were grateful. You would’ve been too tired to deal with anything else.
You studied him closely. This side of him—tender, unguarded—wasn’t a side he let many see.
Your thoughts wandered back to Selene. It made sense, in a pathetic, strange way, why she might have done what she did. If she’d seen this side of him, this kindness, this care... how could she not have wanted to protect it? How could she not have gone to extremes to keep it?
You thought about it for a moment. Came to the realization that the love Azriel offered was probably worthy of madness.
“Because she spied on you?”
It was a stupid question. But the urge to ask had persisted, so you voiced it anyway. Azriel stilled, his hand pausing mid-motion. Slowly, he turned to look at you.
“No,” he said, his voice softer. “Because she hurt you.”
His words landed with a force that sent your thoughts spiraling.
“Although,” Azriel added quickly, “The spying was definitely a dealbreaker.”
He was making a joke, you realized. Or a small attempt at one. And somehow, it settled something restless in your chest.
“She didn’t mean to,” you heard yourself say before you could stop it.
The moment the words left your mouth, you cursed yourself. What the hell were you doing? You had no obligation. No reason. It was counterproductive, if anything. Rhys was bringing her in. You had every right to trash her, right here, to Azriel himself. To tell him over and over that you told him so.
But you didn’t. Maybe it was because she’d mattered to him—enough for him to trust her despite the flaws that had undone her. Even if that truth made your chest ache, you wanted him to make his decision with all the facts.
Your care for Azriel wasn’t something led by your pride.
“Selene didn’t mean to hurt me,” you said again, more certain this time. “It was an accident.”
His eyes softened as he observed you. You swallowed and shrugged. “Runa was the one who actually did.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Azriel said. “You were in that situation because of Selene.”
A beat.
“Because of me.”
The air between you thickened. You tried to focus on anything else, anything but the way your chest tightened, the way your heart thudded faster than it should. But you couldn’t. Your eyes stayed locked with his.
You thought about the past week, how something had shifted between you. The distance that had grown, how long it had taken him to reach out. Azriel was someone who didn’t apologize easily. You knew that. But it hurt in ways you didn’t expect because you’d always thought you were different. That your friendship, your bond, was worth the discomfort.
You thought he’d make it right. That he wouldn't have let it fester for as long as he did, wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving you simmering in your hurt.
“Az?”
The name escaped your lips unguarded, and his face softened at the sound of it. His wings shifted too, just slightly, like tension bleeding out. You hadn’t said his name like that—without anger, without bitterness—for days.
“Yeah?”
“Why didn’t you actually apologize earlier?”
Azriel’s jaw tightened, and his gaze flicked down, as if the answer was there, somewhere in the floor. “I—I didn’t know how.”
You let out a breath—annoyance, defeat, something too messy to untangle. “It’s actually really easy,” you muttered. “You just open your mouth and say the words ‘I’m sorry for being a dick.’”
There was a soft shuffle as Azriel leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He tilted his head, trying to meet your averted gaze.
“Y/n,” he said softly. “I’m sorry for being a dick.”
You let the words settle for a moment before sitting up straighter. Met his eyes once more. You raised a brow, unimpressed. “A bit late, don’t you think?”
Azriel didn’t move, his eyes meeting yours steadily. He was closer now—close enough that you could almost feel his presence like a tangible, heavy thing. His shadows stirred, curling around your fingers, then shifting toward his hand. They tangled between you both, like they were tying you together, threading through the space that separated you.
“It is,” Azriel said. He looked down the second his words hit the open air. It reminded you of repentance, like a sinner confessing to a priestess. His hands rubbed together before he clasped them into a fist, looking up again.
Even then, his thumbs kept moving, brushing over each other in a way that gave him away. He was nervous.
“I messed up,” he said. “I knew I did the minute I repeated what Selene told me. But I’d messed up so badly that I felt like an apology needed to be big enough to make up for it. I couldn’t think of anything.” He took a shallow breath. “I—I was embarrassed.”
You frowned. For Azriel, who stood in front of you, unwavering in the face of so many enemies, embarrassment seemed almost foreign.
“Embarrassed?”
“Yes.” His voice was quiet as he admitted it.
“What could you possibly have to be embarrassed about?”
Azriel’s face shifted, his eyes looking almost vulnerable, wide open, like you could see everything. Even his shadows slowed to a faint crawl. They seemed to be waiting for something. You weren’t sure what.
“That you were right. I was changing. For her. And I did it on my own.”
“What?” You barely breathed out, confused. “Why?”
“I just…” He hesitated, his eyes lowering. “I thought it might be for the better. That maybe this relationship, maybe Selene, could mold me into something else, something more…” He trailed off.
“More what?”
“Something—someone, more easy to love.”
Your breath faltered, and for a second, everything froze— like the sheer sadness in his voice was enough to freeze time. And then you were flooded with emotions, each different from the one that came before. Confusion. Anger. Pity. Heartbreak. You felt a deep, hollow ache at the idea that he truly believed he needed to change to be loved.
For the first time, you weren’t sure what the right thing to say was. If there was one at all. All you could do, in the most genuine tone you could muster, was say, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Azriel’s gaze faltered, his expression shifting as though he wasn’t quite sure how to process your reaction. You glanced at his hands, pushing the rush of emotions back, then met his eyes again.
“You should never feel like you need to change. Not like that.”
For a moment, he didn’t say anything, but his eyes softened, and you found yourself focusing on the crease between his brows. It made him look so tender. So young.
Finally, he spoke again. “I was having a bad day that night you came to talk to me. I didn’t realize how I’d hurt you. I thought I just pissed you off, that you were angry.”
“Well, you did piss me off,” you said, your anger bubbling up once more. His expression faltered slightly at that, but you continued, “I’m still angry. You were dismissive. You made me feel selfish, like I didn’t have the right to care about you.”
The words caught in your throat, threatening to stick, but you pushed them out. You’d spent centuries enduring criticism from males in Prythian politics—males who dismissed your input no matter how educated or experienced you were. You knew how to let their opinions roll off your back, not to let them settle. But you never thought Azriel would be the one to hurt you. Make you feel silly. Stupid. Small.
Azriel’s jaw tightened, and his eyes darted away as if he was trying to find the right words. “It was all so stupid. I can’t believe I entertained her ideas—that I let my desire to be needed make me accuse you of having ulterior motives when you were just being a good friend.”
A good friend.
That was exactly what you were trying to be—and yet, the word hurt you. It made you want to wince like you had when Azriel pressed that rag to your cut. You thought back, unwanted, to Selene’s words, and your chest tightened even more.
Was it possible for the room to be losing air? Maybe that would explain the stupid decisions you’d been making. The thoughts you could feel in the back of your mind. A lack of oxygen to your brain.
“So why did you believe her?” you asked quietly. Your voice sounded more tired now.
“I don’t know,” he admitted after a long pause. “It doesn’t change what I did. It was cruel. It belittled you. And I’m sorry.”
You stared at him, at the set of his shoulders, the faint downturn of his mouth. He was sincere—you could feel it in every word, in the way his eyes stayed fixed on you, like nothing else existed in the room. You didn’t think you’d ever had someone apologize like this before, so open and raw.
And yet, something inside you still simmered. The anger hadn’t disappeared. Not yet.
“Thank you,” you murmured, “For apologizing.”
Azriel didn’t move. He kept looking at you, really looking at you, and you felt pinned beneath the weight of his gaze. His eyes had more green than Cassian’s. It wasn’t something you usually noticed—how the colors shifted in the light, how clear and startling they seemed up close. Now, though, you couldn’t seem to stop noticing, like every detail of him was suddenly magnified.
You wanted to stay angry. You deserved to. He’d hurt you, and that kind of hurt didn’t just disappear because he finally decided to show up and say the right things. But then his gaze held yours a little too long, his voice a little too raw, and that tightrope you’d built for yourself began to fray. A sharp sting of guilt came, and you couldn’t shake it—couldn’t shake the growing realization that maybe you didn’t want to be angry at him. Maybe it wasn’t even anger anymore.
You cleared your throat as Azriel shifted his attention back to the kit, his shadows curling and shifting behind him. He grabbed a few butterfly bandages, his voice quiet when he spoke.
“You’re better to me than I deserve,” he said, almost to himself. “I think I convinced myself that it was a matter of time until the ball dropped—until you realized I wasn’t worth this friendship. I thought I’d finally reached that point. I almost just laid down and accepted it.”
You frowned at his words.
Azriel always carried that shadow of self-loathing like a second skin, like he couldn’t believe anyone could see him as more than his darkest thoughts. As much as you wanted to heal him, to assure him that none of it was true, you knew better. It hurt to know that, after everything, he still didn’t believe it. Because, the truth was, Azriel wasn’t hard to love. It wasn’t hard to support him, to be his friend. He had his moments, as anyone did, but he was always there. Which, you supposed, is why the way he treated you hurt in such a deep, unique way.
The thought that he’d believed, deep down, that your friendship—your loyalty—could be so easily withdrawn, made something inside you ache. Made you sad. Angry.
“I take back what I said earlier,” you murmured. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Azriel’s lips twitched as he searched your face for any hint of a joke. His shadows perched on the apex of his wings, watching you both. Then, when his lips curled, just slightly, they began to move once more.
“I have my moments,” Azriel said, a half-smile playing at the corner of his lips. He glanced at you, checking if it landed. “Maybe one too many head injuries is getting to me.”
“Maybe,” you said, the hint of a smile brushing your lips. “In that case, we should keep an eye on Cassian.”
Azriel’s breath escaped in a quiet, almost relieved laugh. He carefully removed the butterfly bandages from their small packs, the silence settling around you once more. But the air felt heavy, like there was something unspoken hanging between you. Like you needed to say something to rid yourself of the pressure in your chest.
“You can’t just lay down and accept it, Az,” you said, your voice firm. His eyes snapped to yours. “That’s not what friendship is. Not ours.”
Azriel nodded, his expression softening. “I know. I’ll do better.”
You smiled faintly, nodding back. Watching as he turned his attention back to the bandages on your cheek, you took a slow breath. His scent washed over you as he leaned in, familiar and warm. For a moment, you almost let yourself close your eyes, just to breathe him in further, to let his scent linger. Had it always been like this? Or had Selene’s words made you overanalyze everything?
“I was shocked when Cassian told me what happened. I can’t believe that while I was busy kicking myself for not doing anything, you were trying to talk to Selene. Trying to be kind. Do you realize how crazy that is?”
His words weren’t disbelief—they were awe. As if he couldn’t comprehend why you’d chosen the harder path, the path of peace. You could barely believe it yourself, sitting with a scratched-up face and a mind full of unwanted revelations. But in the end, it had been simple.
You’d done it for Azriel.
You’d found sympathy for her because of Azriel. You’d set aside your anger, your pettiness, because you valued your relationship with Azriel more. Even after everything, after the way he’d treated you, you still believed in him. Believed in his ability to know what he wanted.
“Your happiness was worth it,” you said finally. “I didn’t want to be the one to stand in the way of it. To make things hard.”
Azriel stopped at that, his gaze locking onto yours with an intensity that made you feel exposed in a way you’d never felt before with him. You shrugged it off, trying to play it cool, and added with a dry chuckle, “Also, I figured if I did the noble thing, I’d get to hold it over you for a few centuries.”
Azriel laughed—a genuine, rumbling sound. His shadows fluttered around him. “Yeah, well, you can. More than a few centuries, actually, because you came out with some battle scars.”
You almost spoke again, but the breath left your lungs as you felt his fingers gently press the butterfly bandages to your skin. It was almost funny to think about how angry you’d been—rightfully so. But now, with the feel of his hands on you, it all began to ease. A specific sense of healing, like the betrayal you’d felt—at least in part—was being mended. That Azriel tending to you now, with the soft touch he so rarely granted, proved that he didn’t mean to hurt you. That he did care. And maybe you could give him a little grace for being a flawed male.
When Azriel turned back to the kit, you touched your cheek, feeling the cut deeper than you expected. You hadn’t realized how long it was. Mor’s earlier reaction made more sense now.
Azriel glanced at the wound, then back at you, brow furrowing. “Is it okay?”
You nodded slowly, a soft breath escaping as you winced slightly. “Yeah, just tender. Thank you.”
He nodded in acknowledgment and moved to place the last bandage. And then, almost too quietly, he murmured, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I really am.”
“I know.” You hesitated before adding, “But you’re going to have to make it up to me. You know that, right? This wasn’t enough.”
Azriel steadied his gaze on you, leaning back to face you fully. Suddenly, you weren’t sure if anyone had ever looked at you properly. Not like this. Not as he said, “I will. I promise. In ways that are better than some baked goods.”
“Well… I wouldn’t mind some croissants. They looked good.”
Azriel chuckled. “Oh really?”
Soft tendrils of his shadows weaved around you as you nodded, biting back a smile at the tone of his voice. Something so lively. So Azriel. Although you were used to them, you resisted the urge to shiver as his shadows threaded through the ends of your hair.
“That’s odd,” he said. “I seem to recall them looking untouched. Some even squished.”
The memory of how you’d grabbed the pastry in frustration, squeezing it in your hand, brought a small smirk to your face. You shrugged a little. “I was pissed. I couldn’t give in.”
“In that case, I’ll buy out the whole bakery.”
You rolled your eyes, but the hint of a smile was still there. It was probably obvious to Azriel. “The Spymaster supporting local businesses by single-handedly buying out a local bakery. How noble.”
He smiled at that, his expression lighter now—boyish, amused. But his words were sincere. “Whatever you need me to do. I’ll do it.”
“And if I told you to swim naked in the Sidra at night, when it’s cold and snowy?”
“I’d ask Rhysand to make an order for all the children to stay inside.”
You laughed at the thought, and the atmosphere shifted. For the first time in a while, it felt like the world had stopped turning its back on you. The anger, the grudge you’d been cradling like a newborn babe, didn’t feel so heavy now.
Azriel stood, folding the bandages and packing away the medical supplies, and you found yourself watching him without meaning to once more. You couldn’t help but notice how effortlessly… beautiful he was. There was something in the angle of his jaw, the way the light caught his features that made your breath suddenly catch. He was always handsome, of course, but this was different.
A sudden wave of curiosity bubbled up inside you. Before you could second-guess yourself, you spoke. You’d never noticed the sharpness of his eyes, the intensity in them, the way his wings twitched when his shadows curled against them.
“Can I ask you something?”
He paused, looking down at you with that soft gaze. “Always.”
“Why did you want to change into someone more loveable? Why stay with Selene?”
Azriel’s eyes flickered away, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I… I think I was jealous.”
“Jealous?”
Azriel nodded. Something sad washed through him, made him blink, made his wings fall an inch closer to the ground. “Everyone around us is finding love. They’re starting new lives.”
Something sharp jabbed at you, a bitter feeling you didn’t quite understand. Was there something wrong with you for not feeling the same need to fall in love?
“I’m not,” you said.
The expression that took over Azriel’s face was one you couldn’t describe, but there was a new kind of weariness in it. His lips parted as though to say something else, but instead, he simply shook his head with a small, wistful smile. “It’s only a matter of time, Y/n.”
You blinked. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re you. You’re amazing. It’s only a matter of time until you fall for one of your many suitors.”
You furrowed your brow, a bitter taste now settling on your tongue. You didn’t respond— didn’t know how to.
Azriel’s eyes darkened for a brief moment, his jaw tightening, but then his face softened. He exhaled slowly. When he spoke, his voice was quieter than before. “I didn’t think I could handle being alone when you moved on, too.”
The way he said it, the weight of it, made something ache inside you, like a deep hollow was opening up in your chest. You swallowed hard, wishing for something—anything—to ease the growing pressure behind your ribcage.
You wanted him to tell you more, to say something that would make sense of all this. But you didn’t know how to ask for that, didn’t even know what you wanted him to say.
“Because you don’t want to be the last one standing?”
The silence that followed was almost suffocating. Azriel’s shadows seemed to quiet around you both.
Then, he gave you a half-smile—sad, lopsided, but somehow more real than anything he’d shown you in a long time. Not for months. Not since he began dating Selene.
“Something like that.”
Before you could dwell on his words, on why they made you feel sad, disappointed even, Azriel finished packing up the kit and turned toward you.
“All done,” he said.
You blinked, pulled out of your thoughts, and nodded. “Oh. Cool. Thank you.”
You looked down at your hands, your fingers brushing over the growing bruises on your knuckles. Your hair fell forward, partially hiding your face, and before you could move it out of the way, one of Azriel’s shadows darted forward, tugging at the strand. You glanced up as he gently called the shadow back with a subtle motion.
“So... how do I look?”
Azriel's eyes flicked over you, the corner of his mouth quirking up as he reached forward, his hand brushing that same strand of hair from your face.
“Tough,” he said, slowly moving the strand back. “I think the bandages really bring out your eyes.”
And even though he’d done it a million times before, as Azriel tucked your hair behind your ear, something inside you cracked right open.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
authors note:
tending to wounds scene!!! tending to wounds scene!! mor has both bracelets??!? az and selene are done?!?! he's being weirdly calm abt the whole thing?!?! reader is THINKINNN...
now begins the fun time of reader wanting to let az grovel (bc he has entered his groveling era) but also overthinking everything and wanting him to just....go away. also fun time of reader having to prove to everyone that despite things she may...or may not... feel, her intentions with Az were neverr driven jealousy hehe
so fun!!! i have some fun ideas guys. thank yall for reading <3 i wonder if you can guess what might happen.... there are a few hints
permanent tag list 🫶🏻:
@rhysandorian @itsswritten @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon @glam-targaryen
@cheneyq @darkbloodsly @pit-and-the-pen @azrielsbbg @evergreenlark
@marina468 @azriels-human @book-obsessed124 @bubybubsters @starswholistenanddreamsanswered
@feyretopia @ninthcircleofprythian @azrielrot @justyouraveragekleemain @marigold-morelli
@mrsjna @anarchiii @alittlelostalittlefound
@melissat1254 @secretsicanthideanymore
@m4tthewmurd0ck @beardburnsupersoldiers @isnotwhatyourethinking @tothestarsandwhateverend @raginghellfire
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@paankhaleyaaar @curiosandcourioser @thisrandombitch @casiiopea2 @w0nderw0manly
@rottenroyalebooks @jurdanpotter @casiiopea2 @gamarancianne @weesablackbeak
@booksaremyescapeworld @knoxic @wynintheclouds @dacrethehalls @louisa-harrier
#real footage of me when I think about you#diamond ring babe#Ilyilyilyilyilyily#I live on a island come here for the honeymoon babe 😏#and I’m French#so wine cheese croissant as you like#I’ll do anything for you#if I got the moon for you would I get you to kiss me ?#(ref to the baddie Lucien that left and that we lostafter the book one 😔)#but please if you as much as breathe the same air as me I would be over the moon#and as would say mother Taylor swift#after your fic#RIP ME I DIED DEAD#LOVE YOUUUUUU#azriel x reader#azriel fanfic#acotar
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Last Life Apocalypse AU [PROLOGUE 3/3]
EULOGY (23/10/NULL):
Surveillance footage of the Eremita Local Cemetery on the 23rd of October (Year: NULL). The following is a transcript of several discrepancies timestamps 00:18:15, 0:24:09, 06:24:15 extracted from Camera 3 and has been archived upon cease of investigation.
PROLOGUE: [PART 0] [PART 1 - lineup] [PART 2] [PART 3]
>[READ ARTICLE?]
00:18:15 , 23/10/NULL:
[SOUNDS OF A CAR ENGINE, MODEL UNSEEN]
[FOOTSTEPS ON PAVEMENT]
A singular flashlight hits the surveillance wall held by a shadow out of camera shot.
[FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS]
[SOUNDS OF PAPER RUSTLING]
GRIAN: (muttering) [UNTRANSLATABLE] GRIAN: You know how busy my schedule is to not show up to the service. GRIAN: -and I know you’re not actually there – None of you are. GRIAN: But I promised Timmy to visit you. GRIAN: He’s in the car right now- probably bawling his eyes out worried sick about the both of you. It took a lot to convince him and Lizzie to let you do this and even more to keep your cases open I– GRIAN: I shouldn’t be mad, I shouldn’t be – but I am. I’ve ‘ad a long hard think the month since you left and I’m actually furious. GRIAN: Scar, I know I’m not the most open of the two of us -you’re aware of my situation just as I am of yours. And as your friend, I've been respecting your personal space… But if it’s gotten this serious I really wish you could’ve told me… Told anyone! GRIAN: Does Cub know?... Does Bdubs know?? Or have they been lying to me too.
[PAUSE]
GRIAN: The LNC have been looking after the office since your disappearances went public. GRIAN: -Not sure what they’re doing with that I don’t go. Not a part of that. GRIAN: No one can find any of your wills if you wrote them. GRIAN: (laughs) like I doubt it. I don’t even need to check your room to know it’s in utter shambles in there. That’s your responsibility. GRIAN: (pause).... That's your responsibility when you get home. I’m done.
00:24:09 , 23/10/NULL:
GRIAN: I really don’t know what else there is to say to any of you. Joel I’ve left my condolences with Lizzie, if you want to hear what I have to say tell it to her. She’s the real person the two of you should be apologizing to. GRIAN: I’m going. Come back if you really want to talk.
[FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS]
[FOOTSTEPS ON PAVEMENT]
[SOUNDS OF A CAR ENGINE, MODEL UNSEEN]
06:24:15 , 23/10/NULL:
[DISTANT SOUNDS OF BIRDS, BREED UNDECIPHERABLE]
It is of note that the external lights operate on a timer, set to turn off at 0600 sharp in accordance to the sunrise. While the positioning of the camera and the facility is orientated to face the east, no direct sunlight can be seen here.
[SOUNDS OF BIRDS, BREED UNDECIPHERABLE]
Small shadows pass within camera shots. Flying in the northern direction.
>[TRANSCRIPT ENDS HERE]
#stufffsart#last life apocalypse au#grian#solidaritygaming#gtws#smallishbeans#ldshadowlady#(+minor roles mentioned)#last life smp#life series smp#trafficblr#mcytblr
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ノ [01] THE START OF IT ALL (t. oikawa x f!reader)
fic m.list . prev
+ content: swearing, suggestive, crack, kys/kms jokes, manga spoilers for timeskip, written and smau
guys i beg ignore the microsoft emojis its a long story 😢😢
[ send a comment under the fic m.list or send an ask to be added to the taglist!! (4/50) ]
the arrival in brazil had been smooth. yachi had booked a cozy airbnb close to the beach, tucked away in a neighborhood where the scent of saltwater clung to the air and the sound of crashing waves provided a soundtrack to every moment. after a quick power nap—just enough to shake off the haze of the flight—you found yourselves walking along sunlit streets, the kind that felt alive with color, on your way to the beach where hinata was set to play.
you hadn’t expected to feel so at ease this soon. brazil was bright and unfamiliar, but something about it wrapped itself around you like a warm breeze, coaxing you to settle into its rhythm. what you really hadn’t expected, though, was to run into oikawa tooru at a small café on your first morning.
the café was tucked into the corner of a quiet street, its awning striped with faded green and white, the smell of fresh pão de queijo wafting out onto the sidewalk. you’d walked into the cafe, still shaking the sleep from your bones, when you noticed him.
at first, you weren’t sure. the early morning light filtered through the windows at just the right angle to make the edges of everything a little too bright, a little too surreal.
but it was hard to miss the way he carried himself: tall, composed, every movement so deliberate it felt more like choreography than casual habit. he was standing at the counter, ordering something in fluent portuguese that rolled off his tongue like he'd been born speaking it.
you knew of him, of course. who didn’t? even if you weren’t religious about every volleyball match, his name was impossible to avoid. he was a figure who existed in stories, in highlight reels, in the corners of conversations you only half-listened to. yet here he was, very much real, very much in front of you.
your gaze must have lingered too long, because as he turned to leave, his eyes caught yours.
he smiled.
“hey,” he said, his voice smooth, warm. “i think i know you. you’re… y/n, right?”
it took you a second to process. oikawa tooru not only recognized you, but knew your name. you blinked, fumbling to keep your expression neutral even as your stomach twisted itself into knots.
“uh, yeah,” you managed, suddenly acutely aware of how disheveled you probably looked after the long flight. “that’s me. and… you’re oikawa.”
he laughed, a sound that was annoyingly charming, the kind of laugh that made you feel like you were the punchline to a joke you hadn’t realized you were telling. “small world, huh? what brings you to brazil?”
you shrugged, trying to appear unbothered, though the weight of his gaze made it hard to stand still. “vacation, sort of. i’m here with a friend for a university project.”
his eyes lit up, sharp and curious, and you had the distinct feeling that oikawa was the kind of person who could make you want to spill your life story without meaning to. “a project? what kind of project?”
you explained it briefly—the film project, how you and yachi were here to gather inspiration and maybe even shoot some footage of hinata’s matches. he nodded along, his interest feeling genuine, which only made you more self-conscious under the weight of it.
“that’s impressive,” he said. “if you need any help, let me know. i’m not bad with a camera.”
he grinned, but there was something in his tone—half-joking, half-serious. before you could decide how to respond, yachi appeared by your side, wide-eyed and a little out of breath.
“y/n! we need to leave soon if we want to get to hinata’s game,” she said, her voice cutting through the haze of the conversation.
you glanced back at oikawa, offering a small, apologetic smile. “i guess i’ll see you around?”
he waved as you turned to leave, his grin softening into something easier, less practiced. “yeah, see you.”
the two of you stepped out into the sunlight, the warmth of the interaction lingering on your skin like the heat rising from the pavement. as you walked away, you couldn’t help but glance back once. he had taken a seat at one of the decorated tables now with what you assumed were some of his argentinian friends, sipping a latte.
[ tagging: @stwberri @scoupsworld @x3nafix @kenyuukissme ]
© kxttqi — do not repost, copy, translate or steal my works without permission.
#✧; kat's journal#haikyuu smau#haikyuu#oikawa tooru#oikawa smau#oikawa x reader#oikawa x you#oikawa x y/n#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu texts#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#hq x you#hq#hq smau#haikyuu oikawa#hq oikawa#oikawa fluff#oikawa tooru x reader#oikawa toru x reader
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THE BEST OF THE NORMANDY SUMMIT
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Primarch Adrien Victus, Dalatrass Linron, and Urdnot Wrex With: Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor Commander, you need to keep Cerberus at bay- I can't overstate what a victory a treaty between the Turians and the Krogan would be for the Alliance. We need all the help we can get... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#urdnot wrex#samantha traynor#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#finally got around to gif'ing the sur'kesh footage and i ended up splitting it in half bc the summit just had too many good wrex moments#by best of: the normandy summit i really just mean best of: wrex bc this is literally just every wrex moment from the summit LMAO#i was gonna stuff this in with the priority sur'kesh set but literally when i had like 10 gifs of just the summit i was like#sur'kesh is getting the mars split bc wrex has too many good moments to just start cutting half of them out tbh#also victus in his fancy primarch robes with THAT VOICE??? i'm not down bad for most turians but DAMN victus#maybe we talk about how fucking real he was for hearing wrex say that the krogan were the ones who spilled their blood to stop the rachni#and immediately looked at the dalatrass and said that wrex was fucking right#and then said that the dalatrass was helping wrex or she'd never see another friendly turian again?? like he's a fucking ICON for that tbh#and soph in the dress blues????? HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT (mass effect women in uniforms and armor 😍)#her angy face coming back at the dalatrass to defend wrex is everything to me#and wrex's expressions during the summit are so fucking good#there's so much raw emotion on his face that you can see and you can tell how like angry and frustrated he is with the dalatrass and victus#and how much he's holding back!! especially when linron insults him!! when she basically calls his people useless!!#like there's just a thousand+ years of pent up krogan rage about the genophage just boiling behind wrex's eyes#and he somehow manages to keep somewhat cool during the summit? like obvi wrex isn't a thousand+ years old but he's his people's rep#he's such a fucking interesting character especially during this scene when you think about a thousand+ years of the genophage#bc you get to watch him balance keeping his cool in a political situation he's a leader in#vs. remembering he's a krogan in the presence of the leadership of the people who literally created a sterility plague for his people??#and the raw emotions of that for him???#wrex my love you deserve the world for dealing with the summit in the cool-headed way that you did bc it was 100% bullshit for you#canon soph would have thrown the dalatrass off the normandy so fucking fast for insulting wrex and his people and you cannot change my mind
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Musings that are in no way intended to detract from OP's excellent points, just add on to them:
Whenever I see folks from other countries speaking as if we can identify the effects of Chinese government censorship in the final product, I think about the S&P notes shared by Alex Hirsch on the US animated children's show "Gravity Falls." These are censorship by a US corporation. They're in the same country as me, so ostensibly I'm familiar with the culture and ideology that the censorship is coming from. And yet, from watching the final product I would absolutely be incapable of identifying most of the things that are there, or missing, because of censorship. This holds true for most of the works from "my" culture: the only way I've ever been able to reliably point to the hand of censorship is from whistleblowing/disclosure by someone with actual knowledge of what happened, or enough knowledge of the industry to explain what the telltale signs are.
So with that perspective, it really does not make sense to me to try to opine about the hand of censorship, governmental or private, in media I watch from other places. Why would I be better able to see it there than in works whose cultural nuances I should be more attuned to?? Why wouldn't I, instead, do what I do with US works and look up insider analysis and accounts from whistleblowers, when they exist, of what the censorship actually did? Yeah, that info is harder for me to access, due to different platforms they're on and language barriers. And yeah, sometimes I will be frustrated that I'll never really know what happened behind the scenes.
(Confession: I already live that frustration every time I watch reality TV. I get so obsessed with wondering about the manipulation of actors and footage that shapes the narrative that I can't watch the show anymore because I'm pining for a behind-the-scenes documentary that doesn't exist. Tragic.)
But I think we do a disservice to ourselves, and fandom culture, and Chinese (including diaspora) cdrama fans who are trying to share a cool thing with the rest of us without being bulldozed by cultural imperialism, when we jump from "I see something compelling but subtle" or "I see potential that is not being explored" to "I know exactly why I see that, and it's censorship, because China." Like, are you sure? Maybe it's because writers, directors, and actors have as much agency and complexity to their craft in China as they do anywhere else? (Which includes sometimes it Not Being Very Complex At All Sorry because they phoned it in to make a ridiculous deadline, like they do everywhere else???)
Maybe, you see something in a work and there are a bunch of potential reasons why you might see it, and maybe you'll never know exactly why, but also maybe the important thing is that that thing you see is inspiring to you! Maybe you don't need it to have been The Real Explicit and Exact Meaning All Along If Not For The Hand of Censorship in order to affirm that it's meaningful and worth making art about and connecting with others over. Because that's, to me at least, the point of fandom: something spoke to you, and you want to connect about it. That's enough.
hmm i do think that danmei and dangai (censored danmei cdrama adaptations) being many non-chinese fandom people's first impression of chinese media has given them some misconceptions about mainstream chinese media, and it shows in a way that i find very frustrating when seeing discussions about cdramas on here. dangai dramas aside, even if government censorship didn't exist, the chances of your favorite cdrama gay ship becoming canon is about as high as the chances of any of those iconic homoerotic male friendships in a western TV show becoming canon. which is to say: extremely low.
what i think is that internationally huge danmei fandoms like mdzs and tgcf and drama adaptations like cql and shl have really fucked with people's conceptualization of danmei, in that they're using it as this reference point when analyzing relationships in all other forms of cn media, including cdramas and chinese games, which then manifests into people making very bold, very dubious claims about "queercoding" because 2 characters from a random cdrama reminds them of the one or two danmeis they'd encountered that shaped their entire perception of chinese media. basically it's this meme:
many people here need to understand that cdramas and chinese films are obviously mainstream forms of fictional media in china, just like how the mcu or the doctor who franchise is mainstream in the US and UK, or like shonen is mainstream in japan. not to burst your bubble of happy ignorance, but homoromantic relationships such as qingming/boya from the ying yang master are—for lack of a better term—fujobait. they are fujobait. bromances, because those sell well and everyone knows it. popular ships like bakudeku were not actually made canon in mha because shonen is mainstream, and in most industries geared toward maximizing capital, having full-on gay people front and center is considered a monetarily risky move. which sucks, of course, but china is absolutely no different. i promise you that if the govt removed their censorship laws for TV broadcasts, your favorite gay ship from mysterious lotus casebook or the blood of youth or fangs of fortune still wouldn't be canon. they might be allowed a bit more intimacy due to the lack of restrictive filtering, but they are not going to be sucking face for the same reason that gojo and geto from jjk didn't suck face.
danmei is still widely considered niche and risky in china, and if you haven't seen the recent news, authors are still getting arrested for writing it. assuming that chinese fiction, mainstream chinese fiction in particular, operate like dangais where the two guys with the most gay tension would be made explicitly canon were the censors to be lifted, is frankly pretty ridiculous. dangai dramas are adapted from danmeis, which are stories centered on a gay romance and narratively depend on the two guys falling in love. non-dangai dramas are very much... not that, hence why people shouldn't watch them expecting a censored danmei and then forcing assumptions of "my ship would be canon if only it weren't for censorship" on them.
it's very clear when someone who knows absolutely nothing about the actual situation with danmei and queer existence and mainstream TV censorship in china is trying to push their, if i put it crudely, "boss baby meme" perspective onto cmedia. fandom is all about poking at interactions between your favorite characters and giggling and speculating, but i think lots of fandom people (many of them safe in the pockets of their more progressive areas) view govt censorship as this big abstract dam that, if broken, would result in the canonization of all their favorite ships, which is not only an incredibly naive belief but also one that shows how much they view TV censorship as more of a personal inconvenience that's preventing their favorite ships from kissing on screen instead of the looming, deep-rooted issue depriving mainland chinese people of creative freedom it actually is. with cmedia fandoms there's a specific widely popularized "they're so gay omg how did censorship not notice" gag when there's any perceived homoromantic undertones in a story that's both rather insensitive and also ignorant, and many dangai and cdrama fandoms in particular (donghua fans too, link click shippers i'm looking directly at you) could really use some more education and sensitivity regarding this.
i've been in danmei & cdrama fandom spaces for years and post-pandemic this kind of nonsense has definitely gotten worse, especially when you compare shipping discussions here to shipping discussions in cn fandoms. here every 2 seconds someone makes an off-color censorship joke about tgcf donghua and over on douyin they are straight up commenting under the nezha sequel announcement post if there's going to be an oubing kissing scene. granted i obviously cannot see or know everything going on in cn fandom spaces because they are incomprehensibly enormous, but in all the spaces i've been in i've never seen a single censorship joke from anyone. why do people here absolutely insist on making them?
anyway. fandom be normal about chinese media challenge!
#hello soapbox my old friend#meta#fandom#great post OP I hope that my addition doesn't feel like hijacking it
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good god. I am finally done i think.
#this fanvid is thirteen minutes long. i have been ‘almost done’ for like. a week.#i have been working on this bitch for a month. i am. so tired.#i still have to do captions. and render the final version and upload. but i think i got caught all the errors on this last render.#so i should be good??? hopefully??????#god. you know a fanvid is kicking your ass when you have a 20 page google doc of accompanying notes.#also i made a shorter version (aka just the last four minutes) bc i know my ass is gonna wanna put that part on repeat.#and also most people do not enjoy spending 13 minutes of their life watching one fanvid.#(most people also do not enjoy spending over a hundred hours MAKING said fanvid but i digress.)#anyway it is for game of thrones. bc i am a deeply strange person.#anyway shoutout to the four very passionate commenters on my Brutus vid. they are the real heroes of this story.#all four of them were like ‘wow the exploration of Robb and Sansa’s relationship you talk about in the description seems really cool and#interesting. would love 2 see that!’#and i was like 🥹 ok 🫡#but god. i had to work for that shit. HOW did the creators of the show and also GRRM not also find that dynamic so incredibly compelling#that they had to spend hours of THEIR lives exploring it. why only me. please. i am starving. starving for footage.#personal#my posts
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Given that you get something like this whenever you backtrack after completing any of the mouse puzzles in Cyber City:
I like to think that Rouxls had been following Kris/the Fun Gang around for a decent chunk of time prior to his fight. At least during the City section of the Cyber World, anyway; before then, he was probably doing all the stuff that Swatch and Sweet, Cap'n, and K_K talked about. And after that he was preparing for his battle with them in the Acid River.
Exactly why he was following them, I haven't decided. What feels the most likely to me though is that he was searching for Noelle, since he had overheard that Queen was looking for her and wanted to impress her by capturing Noelle himself and delivering her to her. But he uh. Didn't actually know what Noelle looked like, so he never realized that the new reindeer Lightner that Kris was exploring with was the person he was looking for. ...And then he also got distracted by the Inferiore Puzzles That Daredst To Showeth Their Patheticke Faces To Him; The Great Duke Of Puzzles dgshshdfs.
It's also possible that Rouxls was teleporting back and forth between Kris & Noelle and Susie & Ralsei, spying on both pairs (since hey, if he was looking for this "Noelle" person who he didn't know the appearance of, why would he exclusively stick around Kris?). And if so, that opens up the possibility for a thread (or multiple) with Susie and/or Ralsei to be set during that time!
Though... Perhaps there was also a (very very small, he would insist) part of him that wanted to check in on Kris specifically, because he knew that Lancer was still with them.
#((small note: that ''invasive species of puzzle'' text can be seen even when you're still with noelle!))#((i just could only find footage of someone backtracking after the fun gang got back together))#.🂡#🂡 headcanon | rouxls#ooc#((also. if rouxls was following kris around in the city. that would mean that he could see a lot of the shit that happens in snowgrave))#((which would be interesting))#((and if he did witness a bunch of other darkners getting frozen--*killed*--))#((that could kinda support my thoughts about rouxls intentionally fully statue-ifying himself in snowgrave))#((because. why would you bother freezing an unmoving statue))#((and i guess to go on a separate tangent although i should make a separate post about this later:))#((yeah. i do think rouxls intentionally let himself fully be turned into a statue in snowgrave))#((it just makes sense to me? because he lasted so much longer in the normal route))#((even by the *end* of that one he wasn't even fully turned to stone. his head was still fine and he could still speak. unlike lancer))#((so i imagine he was probably using the rule-bending abilities that he might have to either delay or outright prevent his statue-fication)#((but because he was fighting against a Darkner Law Of The Universe it took a lot of his magic to uphold it))#((so by trying to unleash his ''reale power'' on ralsei and kris he got too ahead of himself and lost control over his anti-statue measures#((and thus immediately started turning to stone until he went back to putting all his magic into stopping that))#((but in snowgrave he purposefully released his own magic and let the statue-fication happen))#((to protect himself from the much worse fate of being frozen to death))#((the fact that he turned to stone in front of swatch's shop COULD suggest that he was trying to protect him and the swatchlings too?))#((but. i love rouxls but i don't think that's super in character for him. he doesn't feel like the ''heroic'' type like that))#((actually. i recently saw an idea that proposed that swatch and the swatchlings were only *pretending* to be trapped by rouxls))#((but was actually just using that as an excuse to hide and be safe from the lightners))#((which i think does make more sense actually! rouxls might be super tall but the swatchlings are still larger))#((and even though he's made of stone there are several swatchlings who i'm sure could work together to move him if they really wanted))#((so combining that idea with what i said about rouxls probably not thinking about trying to protect swatch and the swatchlings))#((maybe the swatchlings actually specifically moved rouxls to block the entrance to the cafe?))#((anyway. uh. yeah. dhshshfh. i'll make another headcanon post detailing my thoughts on rouxls' abilities eventually))#((and possibly a separate one discussing all the snowgrave stuff i've talked about in the tags here so that it's not just hidden in here))
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i need to do screenshots of all fish/marine spp we see in black sails. ik theres at least 2 shots of fish being descaled - one during vane and teach's convo and one when hands is talking to silver. then theres the eels/hagfish - theyre so damn slimy i want them to be hagfish, i dont think eels are That slimy. and ofc the great whites - which i need to do a separate post on lmao. i have a LOT of thoughts. plus the whale but its p decomposed/not shown too well. so i doubt i could ID it - we dont see its mouth so all i can reliably say its that its of order cetacea lmao.
#theres what looks like real footage of great whites in the first episode and then you see em in one other establishing shot#and then we see em in s3e3 and then not ever again i think#also - strange to me they only have traps aboard the walrus but no line or hooks for fishing#i suppose trawling isnt possible when becalmed but HOW were they reaching bottom from the sargasso sea..#sargasso sea is open ocean - depths of 20000+ feet in some areas. EELS ARENT MIDWATER FISH#neither are hagfish which MUST have been what they were catching#regardless. im 1 semester away from a degree in fish - this knowledge i will use to make conjecture about black sails marine life👍#canis watches black sails
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he's my babygirl, my princess, my everything
😧
#hes so cute [ photo of him looking like a hamster trying to consume more pellets even tho it has a whole banana slice stored in its cheek#last photo is live footage of him reacting to me giving pickens the top wr trophy#sauce would literally change his position to wr just so he could contend for it#and lose#hes not in the top cb which have a few more tops than the wrs but not many#n half of those are probably like 50 yrs old#now a REAL comparison someone should study is which side has more brats wrs or cbs#both got killer BOATS#Brattiest Of All Time#i think the wrs win for now only cus tbh we know more of them we kinda have to#we only know sauce eli ramsey so well because theyre mentally ill#someone who knows more football should conduct the study im busy thinking about my bbg 🥰#his lil mouth while hes chewing is so cute#the stance lmao#squirrels when u catch them starving out the birds ure trying to feed with ur bird feeder bcs the squirrels invaded#his nose 🥰🥰🥰#the way hes just a himbo in his commercials but on the field he is satan#inside you are two wolves (both are gay#really represents his dumbass smartass flipflop ways#his lips are so pretty#hes gorgeous#as long as he hides from harsh lighting like a mole creature he is my divine#harsh lighting can make most people look. questionable. so im not being mean im just stating facts#nfl yb pretends to like sauce only for his bdubs discount but slowly falls in love with him during their bdubs dates#but sauce finds out his original intentions and doesnt tell him. just goes on twitter n posts 'nba yb ass' and waits#they become bitter exes#they kiss#sauce
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Anyway... as always I'm just so very very very picky when it comes to horror. I just have this very narrow window of what I personally like, and there's just so many things that just have horror elements rather than being horror to me (and don't even get me started on stuff with a human killer, for me personally that's a thriller rather than horror, and I don't care for it cause sadly we've got plenty of human killers in real life)
It's just so hard to do good horror. It's hard to ride the line between showing too little and showing too much, between building tension and being boring... and dear god is it so easy to trend into being goofy
Then you've got the issue of generally having to come up with something totally new that we don't have in the real world (to please me anyway) and having enough lore that it's actually something... but not talking about it so much that you make it sound stupid or open it up to plot holes
Very very very very tricky genre... I think I still respect bad horror, even though I also have disdain for it and don't like it at all... at least they tried, or... at least... some of them tried (some is just schlock)
#to show just how picky I am about horror; I don't like Blair Witch Project#it breaks my number one rule of no bitchy 20 somethings... they just are all bitching at each other so much it puts me to sleep#I hate low cohesion groups; they just fucking annoy me... once again; I can see that in real life#so... I can't sit through the stuff that builds the atmosphere for it; so the pay off to me is just someone standing in a corner#which obviously isn't what it actually is; but I can't sit through it enough to actually soak up... fuck; don't even know what's going on#nah... hate when likable characters die; but I'd rather have likable people that make the movie watchable#than people snipping back and forth at each other; and they're all just begging to get their hands on a rock to show how brutal they are#also; don't like any found footage because I can't fucking see what's going on#no of this is objectively right; but it is why I'm so hard to please with horror#... like I think there's a lot to like about Until Dawn; but it's not even slightly horror to me#there's barely any monsters; and they're pretty fucking boring for monsters... unnatural things are key to horror for me#cause again; if the killer is a people... yeah; those exist and they suck#I want an unknowable creature; I want something that will reveal to me the unknown tongue; you know?#very very tricky to please with horror; but I am always welcome to suggestions#and if I don't like it; that doesn't make it bad; it just makes it less than nearly perfect
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this time next week ill be playing tears of the kingdom
#sentences that dont sound real tbh#sorry for caring so much about a video game do you still think im sexy#this gif is actual footage of me when i press play and that theme starts playing...
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Evangelion movie hello
#So Adam creates angels and Lilith creates Evas but also humans as Shinji's dead bf said... so Evas are humans too? Is that it#asuka IN THE GAME AGAIN!!! YEAAAAHHHH#is her mother the eva.... like maybe its metaphorical but maybe not like shinjis mother maybe is in unit 1 so.... idk man...#rei has herself??? she wouldnt have an ag field without a mother then andjakqk but she does.... idk man#WHAT DID SHINJI DO TO ASUKA. I THOUGHT THAT WAS ONE THING NOT THAT. NOOOOOOOO#NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MISATOOOOOOOOOOO#asuka i will get you out of there i promise#ritsuko's paceful face when pointing a gun at ikari sr ajdiajqiq yeah....#what did this fucking evil man say... cant even say a true fucking thing to a dead woman... DIEEEEE#“thanks to the five (5) women that helped bring this picture to its completion” just the voice actresses yeah i can tell#not the tit touch again.... is this a theme or what... what am i supposed to get from this the heart is in the middle my guy#REI YES!!!! KILL HIM FIRST REI!!! DO HIS HEAD NOW!!!#im sorry... why is rei so scary but then whatever she is turns to a manic pixie dream boy and shinji cries of joy akdhaisjsisk GAY!!!#there is so much to say about this but i am afraid i might be too dumb for it bc nothing comes out but alas im having fun#asuka is shinjis foil but why are they doing this#“does misato really do things like that” refering to sex is the most 14 yo thing that shinji has ever said i get it. everyone does it shinji#i think there is enough what women are triad things in here.... can we stop.... sister mother lover.... woman scientist mother...#we get it you dont get women i thought shinji was opposing kaji by not understanding him when he said men and women are separate...#figured out what an at field is.... thank you thank you.... its what encapsulates your person and ego i get it now....20 minutes left aldhsk#shinji out of all people being the brain.... nepotism bc yui came up with all of this i guess#jumpscared by the real footage after the fuckfest#the footage of the people at the screenings of the movie.... i can't imagine seeing this in a cinema christ#the cordial handhsake with the thank you 😭😭😭 thats the shinji i know....#rei is the lover sister mother but why is there a boy there too?? akdhakshaksjaj i need answers... is that his father?? shinji you're fucked#maybe freud was right maybe i need to kill the freud that lives inside my head. this will make me introspect after all akdhaks#alright. are they meant to repopulate the earth is that it? do i need to stray out of the christianism of it all? asuka i will get you out!!#i have so many questions... like both in narrative and outside of it#i dont wanna think about it now tho.... sick visuals 10/10 on that front#talking tag#watching evangelion
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posting here because this just doesn’t feel right to talk about in the horseimagebarn voice but this is extremely important to talk about.
my partner and i have returned to our hometown to stay with her family and my own has gotten a hotel here too (they moved to the town we currently live in after we did) so we are all safe and out of the thick of it
however there are tens of thousands of people who are not both in my own town and in the many surrounding it. appalachia will take an extremely long time to recover from this and there are more storms on the way. all i see on social media right now is people asking for shelter because their homes have been destroyed, or people asking for help searching for family members who are missing. hundreds of trees have fallen. hundreds of homes have flooded. roads are literally falling apart. preexisting sinkholes due to shitty pipes are opening up and consuming land. dams are on the verge of bursting and the only way to stop it is to release water so quickly it floods whole towns. all but one of our cell towers are down, so only people with at&t have service and the rest can’t contact anyone. over half the town still doesn’t have power. a major water supply issue occurred and the entire town is on a water boil order with no electricity to boil with. people are trapped in their homes and workplaces or out on the street because they have nowhere to go. law enforcement is blocking off roads but trapping people in the process. people have to be rescued by helicopter. our animal shelter has no water or power and boarding facilities have been flooded. entire villages like chimney rock nc are gone, and entire cities like asheville are cut off from the rest of the state and are completely inaccessible. ALL OF THE ROADS IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA ARE CLOSED. 400+ roads are closed because they are unsafe . that is INSANE!!!
when people say that climate change isn’t real, they don’t know what they’re talking about. climate change and its father capitalism are only going to continue to worsen lives in every way possible. i live in the mountains and our infrastructure is completely unprepared to handle hurricanes and it’s only going to get worse. it’s such a strange and eye-opening experience to live something like this when you think that it could never happen to you because that type of weather shouldn’t reach you in your environment. climate change doesn’t care where you live. it’s real.
western north carolina and the rest of the southeast that has been hit by helene need help. more people need to be talking about this so that the government DOES SOMETHING because the government historically fucking hates appalachia and it still does!!! the major state institution near me took DAYS to respond despite being the only place in town with power and wifi connection because they had to wait for the state to approve their response—they could have allowed thousands of people to evacuate days prior to the hurricane hitting us but they didn’t do anything before or after until it was too late!!! it’s bullshit!!! PLEASE get talking about this because something has to be done. climate change is going to continue happening and our mountains and the people in them are going to suffer immensely. hundreds if not thousands are now homeless. please talk about this look at the footage online of the wreckage and look how quickly our infrastructure crumbled. we need better. the people of appalachia deserve better.
i’ll get back to posting horses soon. but for now this is a lot. my friends are homeless and my family had to get off the mountain or be trapped there without power and water for days. we’re all safe but exhausted. i hope everyone who has been affected by this is staying safe. if you are in western nc, dm me. when i come back, if you’re in my area, im happy to bring supplies. stay safe everyone
#meposting#hurricane#hurricane helene#natural disasters#natural disaster#disaster#tropical storm#climate change#climate crisis#appalachia#north carolina#western north carolina#tennessee#east tennessee#virginia#west virginia#georgia#kentucky#south carolina#southeast us#awareness#climate awareness#please spread the word. please talk about this. let those in power know that it matters#this is so important#serious post#news
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YOU SHOULD DO FILMING A SEX TAPE WITH ENHYPEN
yes yes yes !! the only downside of me thinking about this too much is that now i have the increasing need to write a full fanfic about filming a sextape with heeseung
HEESEUNG gets hard the second you mention the possibility of filming a sextape. he strikes me as someone who would fucking love to receive and send nudes, so having videos of the two of you would feel even better. it’s perfect for when he’s away on tour too, because he’s a visualizer and he cannot cum if he doesn’t hear your pretty moans. he’s basically down for doing everything on camera, and he will even end up creating a special folder just for these videos. he has some close up of your pussy covered in his cum, of you drooling around his cock, of your cunt swallowing his big cock. i think he’d also tease a whole lot more, being cocky about the whole situation even if he’s the one losing his mind every time he watches the footage again. anyway, he’s on the nasty side.
“- open your mouth for me pretty, show me how much of a slut you are for me… yeah, just like that.”
JAY would literally do anything for you, so of course he is going to say yes. i don’t think he would particularly into it himself, but how much it is turning you on is what makes him hard. he’s the definition of a service dom, so it isn’t surprising. he’ll talk about it with for hours before actually doing it so that he can be sure he will fulfill your desires perfectly. and there will also definitely be a much more romantic dimension - footage of your face when he’s making you cum, of him while he’s worshiping your body and you’re the one holding the camera, or of your whole body on full display while he’s fingering you. your fantasy will slowly grow on him though.
“- you look so beautiful, princess. i love you so much.”
JAKE is a whore, of course he’s saying yes. actually, he will surely be the one to ask you about filming a sextape, something he had always wanted to try. he’s horny all the time, and even more when he’s stressed out and far away from you - some videos of the two of you are not a want, they’re a need. though the content is a little different from the one his two hyungs like, in the sense that jake loves when you’re on top, and that’s what he wanna see when he needs to jerk off. videos of you riding him, of him whining pathetically when you’re edging him, of your hand on his cock while you’re telling him that he’s your toy. he wouldn’t be against having some footage of him destroying your pussy too, but you domming him is always what gets him going the most.
“- fuck, you’re so tight… please, let me cum inside and film it dripping from your pussy… please.”
SUNGHOON is so cocky about it, it’s actually infuriating how confident he is. the whole time you’re discussing it with him, he has that smirk on his face, and maybe he’s even sitting on the couch and manspreading and and and ! anyway, he’s down for it as long as you beg - it’s not that he’s against the idea, it’s just that he loves to see you get down on your knees for him. the majority of the videos consist of showing how much of a slut you are : ones of you being ruined from behind, of you grinding against his thigh with tears in your eyes, and of your eyes rolling to the back of your head just because of his fingers. he’s sending you those footage at the worst moments because he loves it when you’re all needy for him, he just wants to see you go crazy on him.
“- that’s it darling, fuck yourself on my cock like the dumb girl you are.”
JUNGWON is not very big on nudes, he prefers the real thing or to call you if he’s really in need of a quick release, so you’ll have to be the one to bring up the thought. but once you do, he’s actually down to try it with you. i can’t see him loving it as much as the others, but once in a while, it’s something he enjoys. with him, it’s mostly short videos focused on your boobs bouncing with each one of his thrusts, or of his cock buried deep in your cunt when he’s barely moving. what turns him on the most about it are the sounds the both of you are making.
“- you feel so good, baby, don’t stop… say my name again.”
SUNOO is so shy at first, he’s really hesitant because he doesn’t want to disappoint you if the videos turn out to be bad. but he’s trusting you with his life, and he knows you will stop as soon as he asks you to do so. as much as he is a pillow prince, he will make the videos all about you and your pleasure. his favorite footage is the one in which he’s eating you out like a starved man and you’re moaning his name like a prayer. there will also be some shots of you caressing him while filming everything through the reflection of the mirror, or of his hands running your body up and down. he mostly does it for you because he knows how much you miss him when he’s away, but he gets to cum every time so he loves it too.
“- i want you to remember how good it feels everytime you rewatch this.”
#i wrote this in like 15 minutes that's how much i love the idea#eli answering your questions#eli's anonie#enhypen#enha#enhypen smut#enha smut#enhypen x reader#enha x reader#enha hard hours#enhypen hard hours#heeseung smut#heeseung x reader#heeseung hard hours#jay smut#jay x reader#jay hard hours#jake smut#jake x reader#jake hard hours#sunghoon smut#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon hard hours#jungwon smut#jungwon x reader#jungwon hard hours#sunoo smut#sunoo x reader#sunoo hard hours
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Fanfic Thieves on Youtube
A collection of youtube channels have been uploading preexisting fanfictions in videos with little to no credit to the original authors. These are not podfics, these channels copy-paste the fics into text-to-speech readers then upload the unaltered audio over static or unrelated backgrounds, either art that is also stolen or mobile game footage. In addition to not naming the authors, they alter the title to make it that much harder for readers to recognize or find the original uploads. Some go so far as to pretend they themselves are creating the fics in question. Many claim that their stealing actually helps give fics "exposure" despite the intentional steps they take to conceal the origins of the fics they profit off of. However, this practice has lead many authors to discontinue fics after the frustration of having their hard work stolen. Many of these channels claim they will remove videos upon request, but will either argue with the author in order to keep it up, or simply unlist the video for a time until they think the author isn't paying attention anymore. And their solution to receiving strikes against their channels in the past has been to further obfuscate the origins of their content instead of even considering asking first.
”I got caught stealing, so instead of not stealing anymore, I’m doubling down on stealing even more so it’s harder for people to find out and prove I’m stealing. Stealing doesn't count if the specific person I stole from didn't call me out. I am the real victim.”
That, plus the incessant tag scumming in all the videos (spamming unrelated tags in order to appear in more search results) proves to me that these are lazy attention seekers who don't want to put in creative effort when they could just leech off of the passion of others.
In order to report them, go to their channel's "About" page and click the flag icon. Said icon might be behind the three dots in the top bar on mobile. Go to "Report User" at the bottom and tick the "spam and scams" button. This will allow you to list multiple videos as offenders instead of reporting them individually. Youtube's policy states that video spam constitutes:
Massively uploading content that you scraped from other creators.
Auto-generated content that computers post without regard for quality or viewer experience.
If you recognize one of your fics among the stolen, say so in the additional comments box, and perhaps call out the channel directly in the video's comments. If you recognize someone else's fic, please let the original author know so they can report the channel as well. Many have been confronted for stealing previously and refuse to admit wrongdoing.
Most of what I've found has been My Hero Academia fics since that's my fandom and those are the ones I can recognize as stolen, but there are many other channels that steal from other fandoms, so I invite anyone and everyone to reblog this with their own findings.
The reality is that this extremely low-effort content and new youtube channels are both very easy to make, so most likely they'll start new channels once the ones on this list are run through. But hopefully, if we all work together and keep whacking these moles, perhaps we can instill that same defeatism they caused so many creators who didn't deserve it, and eventually they'll give up.
My sincerest thanks to everyone who helped bring additional channels to my attention. A special thanks to ao3 user InArduisFidelis who brought the initial attention to the issue, and @owlf45 whose work was stolen.
Links under the cut.
YurikoFanfics - Not only stole content, but acted in comments as though they were the one writing these stories.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@YurikoFanfics
What-IF-Anime - Has the exact same "disclaimer" about not being the original author as the one above. Either they're the same person or the thieves are stealing from each other.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@What-IF-Anime
quirkywhatif7 - Either an alt of the above, or all these people are talking to one another because this one made a community post identical to a comment the one above made in response to being called out (the above screenshots).
https://www.youtube.com/@quirkywhatif7/about
DekuFanfic - It's the same fucking guy again.
https://www.youtube.com/@DekuFanfic/about
InfiniteParadoxfanfics - Nothing notable, same deal as the others.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@InfiniteParadoxfanfics/about
WhatIfAnimeChannel - Admits in their community posts that other people write the fics they post but still doesn't give credit. Migrated to a new channel after issues with youtube, likely being flagged previously.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfAnimeChannel/about
WhatIfAnimeAll - Alt of above.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfAnimeAll
FWNWorld - Makes sure to tell you that the videogame footage is theirs, but can't bother to credit anyone else.
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@FWNWorld/about
WTFW - Claims to have "[A] team of talented writers, voice actors, and artists work together to create immersive fan fiction stories that are sure to captivate your imagination." Just the same test-to-speech stolen content over videogames. So straight up lying claiming that everything is theirs (and that anything they make is quality).
https://href.li/?https://www.youtube.com/@WTFW
MHA2.0Fanfics - Lots of crossover theft.
https://www.youtube.com/@MHA2.0Fanfics/about
Collerwhatiif - Pretty sure this one is the same guy as the previous 2, also has one for another fandom.
https://www.youtube.com/@Collerwhatiif/about
https://www.youtube.com/@GoJoFanfiction/videos
ko_sensei - Another that claims to have a "team" that makes the stories they steal: " passionate about creating compelling and engaging fanfiction that explores the various "what ifs" in the anime universe."
https://www.youtube.com/@ko_sensei/about
FantasticWhatIf - Multifandom stealing, uses the exact same bs disclaimer as many others.
https://www.youtube.com/@FantasticWhatIf/about
LettuceHeadFanfics - No credit, no acknowledgement of anything. Next one is an alt.
https://www.youtube.com/@LettuceHeadFanfics/about
brocollifanfics - Alt of above, once again admits to stealing with a declaration of "☆If you want to takedown any videos. You can mail us or leave a comment below the video☆"
https://www.youtube.com/@brocollifanfics/about
whatifofficial786 - Focuses on MHA/Naruto crossovers. Identical format.
https://www.youtube.com/@whatifofficial786/about
NotWhatIf - I've lost track of who's an alt of who but yet another identical format, descriptions, and bullshit claims of "enhancing the viewer experience" by putting a robot voice over bootleg fortnite footage.
https://www.youtube.com/@NotWhatIf/about
weebxds - Same again.
https://www.youtube.com/@weebxds/about
ItachiFanfics - Naruto channel, we can at least confirm that this one is run by a human given the rare different descriptions and a real voice at the beginning of videos before the robot comes back.
https://www.youtube.com/@ItachiFanfics/about
WhatIfDN - As if mockingly, a bunch of videos have a "credit" section in their descriptions that is of course blank.
https://www.youtube.com/@WhatIfDN/about
SpiceandBooks and spiceandfiction - Apparently Youtube itself has started picking up on the bullshit, because this multifandom channel is being dinged as ai spam so they started a new one.
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiceandBooks/about
https://www.youtube.com/@spiceandfiction/about
theoriginalastra - Doesn't even bother with disclaimers, the following are multiple alts/potential alts for different fandoms.
https://www.youtube.com/@theoriginalastra/about
SillySenpai12 - Highschool DXD alt.
https://www.youtube.com/@SillySenpai12/about
RosieRealms - Naruto alt.
https://www.youtube.com/@RosieRealms/about
DekuWhatIfs - Potentially another astra alt but not sure, doesn't matter because all these channels do the same thing anyway.
AnimeStark688 - No credits or disclaimers.
https://www.youtube.com/@AnimeStark688/about
Please take the time to report these channels, spread this post around, and reblog with any additional offending channels you find.
#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#naruto#highschool dxd#the debacle#mha#bnha#mha fanfiction#bnha fanfiction#naruto fanfiction
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Could you do a giselle dom pervy step sister(female reader) smut where they don’t like each other at first but ig giselle found a way to turn that hatred into them fucking in secret while their parents are in the house
ANONNNN!!! YOUR MIND!!!! I've been thinking ab this ask for WEEKS and I finally have time to write about it omg obsessed
content - stepcest, blackmail, smut (pervy!giselle, cunnilingus, fingering, face sitting, squirt, voyeurism/public(?) sex)
wc - 2739
a/n - catching up slowly but surely on asks, I have no school this week so imma try my best!
you never really warmed up to giselle.
you never really WANTED to ever warm up to her. she was mean, annoying, obnoxious, and greedy. I mean, how fucking self-centered do you have to be to make your baby stepsis call you by another name because she "doesn't deserve to call me by my real name" as giselle had said. what infuriated you was how pretty she was too. someone who was such a bitch shouldn't get the benefit of being attractive, especially since aeri knew and definitely used it to her advantage. whether it be to the people around her like friends, classmates, teachers, or even your parents, she finessed them like no one's business.
but she could never trick or fool you. you were a challenge to her, and it pissed her off not getting what she wanted. giselle HATED your guts. you were smart, sweet, cute, and generous, traits she simply was not. she hated how your guys' parents eyes' would light up in excitement when you came to them with an academic achievement, looking at you with admiration and love, eyes that would look at aeri with annoyance and disappointment.
aeri's not stupid, she knows why she's disliked, but she doesn't really care. it only really started to affect her seeing YOU be soooo liked by them. she simply hated you because you weren't easy, and you hated her because she saw everyone as easy. though, however much it upset you, it upset her to a degree you couldn't even imagine. she had to win the invisible game, and she was going to get her way with you, one way or another. so she devised a plan, which was to put simply, blackmail.
one day when you were gone at school, she set up a secret camera in your room facing your bed. she laid back on the living room couch in content, watching you come home from school, shooting each other a painfully fake greeting, before you ascended upstairs to your room. during nightfall, you would of course, fulfill your physical desires while everyone was asleep in the house, unaware of the recording device from across the room. and in the morning when you left, your wicked stepsis would sneak back in to retrieve the footage, playing it back and giggling to herself, knowing this would ruin you.
giselle's sweet baby stepsis, a sexual deviant during the after hours, shoving a huge dildo into her pussy to force multiple orgasms from her own body.
aeri was giddy with joy, now owning what single-handedly would win her the upper hand. the day continued as normal, but as you were about to go to sleep, there was a knock at your door. you rolled your eyes when you opened it to find a smug aeri, her phone in her hand with a play button over a still image of you in your room. your eyes shift between her and her phone confused before she pushes you inside and shutting the door behind her.
"what the fuck is that aeri?"
she huffs and sits comfortably at the end of your bed, "first of all, it's giselle to you, don't forget. second, how 'bout I show you?"
playing the video on max volume, your muffled moaning erupting from the small screen, watching a video of yourself masturbating. your ears ring and your cheeks flush, pouncing onto the older girl and trying to tear the phone away from her. your older stepsis is far stronger than you and easily you get overpowered, her hands pinning your wrists together and against the bed, her legs straddling either side of your lap.
with one large hand gripping your wrists together and the other hand hovering the still playing video against your face, she smirks, "what? shy? you weren't so shy last night when you were shamelessly fucking yourself, now were you? hm, y/n-ie? my sweet little sister?"
you grit your teeth and shake your head back and forth to deny the accusation, as if it weren't true. her dark chuckle fills your ears and the room, joined with the loud squelching of your pussy coming from the video. you feel tears start to well in your eyes and you plead with her.
"unnie, please... delete that!"
she coos at you, "awww sweetie, you think I'm that easy? not without a price, I won't."
you continue to plea in a desperate voice, "unnie please! I'll do anything! just please, delete it, or don't share it! anything you want!"
her lips curl into a sinister smirk that you can see even in the dark. you feel your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of what she must've suddenly imagined, immediately regretting your choice of words. before you could even consider opening your mouth to take back what you said, aeri drops the phone and covers your mouth.
"anything huh? will you behave for unnie and do anything I want?"
you debate shaking your head no, but when you hear a particularly loud moan come from the video playing next to your ear, you nod your head yes.
"good girl, you may be stubborn but you're not stupid. a little bit dumb for your choice of words though," she hums above you and trails the hand over your mouth downwards, dragging her long slim fingers across your sensitive body, jerking with every inch of contact she makes.
you whine as her fingers circle your hardening nipples and pinch them between her fingertips, giggling at how your body reacts to her touch.
"sensitive little baby, aren't you y/n-ie? fuck you're so cute, you shouldn't be so fucking cute."
aeri hated how much she was enjoying this almost as much as you did. she hated how cute her little sis was, writhing under her, eyes welling with tears in fear, body reacting to every subtle brush, thighs rubbing themselves together to suppress the ache at her core. and you hated it too, you hated that your older sister made you feel so fucking good, how her touch ignited flames in your stomach, how you panted into the air the more intimate her touch became, how you anticipated and needed more when you realized how disgusting this all was.
you both hated it, but you both couldn't get enough.
looking up into giselle's eyes at the same time she looked into yours, locking onto one another and gazing into lustfilled stares, the tension filling the air. the hatred boiled over and morphed into a new emotion, desire. a compromise emerged, and mentally, you both knew what it was. it all felt too good to want to stop, so you gave in.
leaning up and smashing your lips against aeri's, her immediately pushing back into you, pressing you down into your mattress. sloppy wet kisses loud and echoing through the room, both your moaning filling your ears and drowning out any possibility for moral dilemmas to pierce your mind. the hand pinning your wrists down, traveling up to hold your hand, interlacing her fingers through one and letting the other one go.
you let your free hand shoot into her hair, pulling her closer into you and shoving your tongue into her mouth, eliciting a whine to escape giselle's throat, accepting the intrusion. her other hand finds your thigh and brings it up, wrapping your leg around her waist and grinding her hips against your clothed core, making you both groan out into each other's mouths.
"fuck, you're good. why are you good?" she moans into your mouth.
"I'm not- a fucking- amateur." you pant out between kisses.
"yeah? then tell me, has anyone else made you feel this good?"
she questions, almost as a challenge, and you're scared to answer knowing it's just another piece of blackmail to hang over your head. you both already know the truth, obvious by your hips rutting back against her, your sweat dripping down your forehead, neck, and chest, your core aching with need, and your eyes blown to oblivion.
"fuck you," you answer instead.
she chuckles lowly again, the tone and vibration in your mouth when she does it making your pussy throb between your legs.
"not before I fuck you."
flipping you over and onto your hands and knees, tearing your shorts and panties off, throwing them to the ground. she wastes no time shoving your legs apart and licking along your leaking slit, making you moan out and bury your head into your pillows.
"you're so fucking sick, do you know that? being so wet and horny for your unnie like this, you disgusting little whore."
giselle says as if she's not soaked in her own clothes, nipples hard and hole clenching around air. she feels so powerful, so in control, and it feels so good to have you whining under her. sticking her tongue out and getting to work immediately, dragging her wet muscle greedily and swiftly against your pussy, drinking in all of your slick. muffling your moans into your pillows and clawing at your sheets hard enough to rip them.
her strong grip on both of your legs forcing you to keep them apart, slapping your ass every so often and making you scream out into the pillow. her tongue moves around your core so fucking good, alternating between sucking and flicking at your clit to thrusting and licking inside of your cunt, the sounds unbearably sinful and delightful to especially aeri's ears. she's drunk, on the taste and feel of your pussy, the way your body reacts, and the muffled cries being torn from your mouth.
she closes her eyes and relishes in your delicious juice swishing around her mouth, moaning into your pussy at how fucking good it feels to have you like this. her core aches and throbs so painfully, she clenches her thighs to hold it in. she lands another slap on your ass before shoving three fingers into you, already starting with an unforgivable pace, curling them and finding that spot in you easily. you scream and claw at the sheets, almost assuredly knowing your pillow wasn't muffling your cries anymore, not like either of you cared. aeri was going insane and felt herself becoming more and more addicted to you. addicted to ruining you, addicted to having power over you, addicted to owning you.
with the arch of your back and body stilling, you gush cum all over your stepsister's face, thighs trembling and chest heaving, moans slipping out of your mouth like a waterfall, your pussy mimicking the motions of one too. giselle drank all of it, everything, licking all over your leaking cunt and wiping her face of it too, sucking her fingers dry to not leave a single drop wasted.
she didn't even let you rest as she flipped you over onto your back, quickly stripping of her pajamas and lingerie, before climbing up to your face, her thighs resting on both sides of your head.
"use your tongue for something useful, pervy slut."
pfft, hypocrite.
she gives you no time to respond or think before shoving her fat pussy into your mouth which you immediately start to drag your tongue all over, coating it in her slick. your hands grip her juicy thighs and you dig your nails into them, her wincing above you and gripping the headboard with one hand, the other hand in her mouth to muffle her sounds.
you never rip your eyes away from her face for even a second, obsessed with how much sheer pleasure rests on giselle's face, her mouth biting down on her hand, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and eyes clamped shut. your nose hits her clit repeatedly with your tongue buried deep inside her cunt, flicking it to stimulate inside her tight walls. she tastes so fucking divine, cum directly entering your mouth and your spit drooling out the sides of your lips.
her hips quicken and she fully rests her weight on your face which makes you delighted, drinking her up and pulling her in, suffocating between her thighs. not that it mattered, you loved it. you couldn't breathe but you pushed through, thrusting your tongue in her and maneuvering her hips as her clit hit the tip of your nose.
"drink my squirt you little bitch, take it! don't waste a drop! fuck!"
she demands you as she cums in your mouth, her pussy squirting onto your tongue. her thighs shake in your hands and you close your eyes to avoid squirt getting in them. you feel like your drowning in the sheer amount of liquid coming from aeri's pussy, but you obey your sister, drinking everything that slides down your throat. she finally calms down and you tap on her thighs in a panic, literally not able to breathe. she laughs above you and stays there, watching color drain from your face before she lifts herself up, watching you cough and gasp for air.
"sick fuck," she says before smashing her lips against yours' and digging her tongue into your mouth again.
suddenly, she pulls away and gets dressed, picking up her phone and waving at you with that infuriating smirk on her face as she opens the door and leaves, "see you again, baby sis!"
and from then on that's when it started, fucking your step sister in secret. at first it was only at night, every night since the first time. then it progressed to whenever your parents were out of the house, fucking on the couch in the living room, on the kitchen island, in the shower, in each other's rooms. at some point, she started to get more flirty with you, her touches lingering for too long when she held your hips in the kitchen to move past you or sliding her hands up your shirt when she'd greet you with a hug when you came home from school, whispering an "I missed you" into your ear, her breath against it making a shiver go down your spine, which always drove you insane.
at some point though, giselle couldn't give less of a fuck if your parents were home or not, she just wanted to fuck you. your family would be having a movie night in the living room and you'd go to the kitchen to get more snacks, the older girl following you to "help." then she'd pin you to the kitchen counter and slip her fingers down your underwear, dipping them into your already wet pussy.
"really y/n-ie? you're fucking wet? were you eye fucking me all night that you couldn't help yourself get horny? let me help you with that baby."
she would whisper breathily into your ear before fingering you right then and there, you clutching the popcorn bag in your fingers and biting down on your lip, trying so hard not to moan and get caught, thankful the movie was loud enough.
or during a dinner party WITH YOUR RELATIVES, she would "accidentally" drop a spoon on the ground and go to retrieve it, only to separate your thighs and trail a long tortuous lick across your exposed pussy, aeri having demanded you to wear nothing under. you're suddenly gripping your utensils and coughing on the food in your mouth, acting like it went down your throat wrong. your sister climbing back up from under the table with a lost spoon and a smile.
and of course, she fingered you under the dining table that night too, your face red and physically incapable of eating for about twenty minutes, clutching her forearm as you came around her fingers in front of everyone. you had bit down on your lip so hard, blood had started dripping down your chin and onto your dress, excusing yourself to clean up. panting out of breath in your room and ripping the dress off of you, your sister following behind you and pinning you to your bed with a smirk.
"that was impressive baby, you were able to keep in all those delicious moans huh? well, don't you dare fucking keep them in now, they can't hear you from here, and we're not even close to finished."
smashing her lips against your blood stained ones, the taste of metal filling her mouth.
and while you're not sure if you're starting to like your sister or not, you definitely start getting used to it (maybe obsessed).
a/n - the other night when I was looking at this ask, I suddenly had the urge to write a "rich girl aeri x reader fic where they both fucking despise each other and are just rich bitches until one night they both break from all the sexual tension and fuck in the back of aeri's car" fic... I'll get to work-
#ffos reqs#aespa#giselle#aespa giselle#aeri#aeri uchinaga#aespa x reader#aespa smut#aespa fanfic#giselle fanfic#giselle smut#kpop gg#fanfiction#kpop#girl group smut#giselle x reader#girl group#girl group fanfic#karina#winter#ningning
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