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americaswritings · 2 years ago

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When we fall | Part 1

Warnings (for all parts): Fluff, angst!!, description of injuries, blood, violence, use of guns, mentions of death, probably unaccurate policing/medicine

Summary: You moved to Chicago to start a new life. Working as a doctor alongside your brother Connor you make new friends and although you swore to yourself not to let any man in your life at least for a while, your promises fail when you lock eyes with a handsome stranger in a bar.

Words: 6k

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Doctor!Rhodes!reader

A/N: I just started watching Chicago PD (I'm on season 3 now) after I've been watching Fire and Med for years now. I just can't stand Voight so I only began watching for Jay and Burzek! And I am so in love with Jay. Please, this man is perfect. Just look at that handsome face!!

This is going to be a 3 part series I wrote on a whim. Originally I only planned on writing one scene, but then I figured it needed a backstory so this happened...

I have to say I am really proud how it turned out. I was just in such a flow when I wrote it that the story basically wrote itsself. I hope you enjoy and that the characters feel true to themselves :)

You had only began working at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center a few months ago, hesitant to work alongside your brother but knowing it was an opportunity, which would be stupid not to take.

Having moved to Chicago recently to be close with your brother after a messy break-up, you were still adjusting to your new life.

It was why you were more than relieved when you got along well with your co-workers, especially Natalie and her boyfriend Will.

They were understanding of your situation, were never bothered to show you where to find something at the hospital and made you feel welcome from the beginning as they invited you in on their group plans and joked like you were old friends.

Although you still felt a little uncertain at times to work with your brother, who had made himself a name as a brilliant trauma and cardiothoracic surgeon, he had been supportive since your decision to leave your old town behind and start a new life in Chicago.

Maybe, you thought, coming here had been exactly what you needed. A fresh start, a new beginning with new friends and no men to mess with your heart. At least for now.

“I told you I have sworn off men”, you sighed, shaking your head in amusement at Natalie’s try to play matchmaker. “They’re trouble. I don’t need that in my life right now.”

“Hey!” Will send you a look, though you knew he wasn’t mad. “She’s not wrong though”, April stated and Ethan next to her grinned. “I mean it though”, you said directed at Natalie. “I just want to focus on myself right now. My job. No dating for now.”

Everyone at the table nodded and you relaxed, glad you had found these people, who respected and supported you. “Cheers to that!” April raised her glass and you did the same when you noticed yours was empty.

With a groan you pushed yourself out of your seat and up, gesturing towards the bar. “I’m going to get another drink. Anyone want something?” They all shook their heads, already moving onto another topic.

As you made your way over to the counter you studied the people around you, trying to determine who was a cop, a firefighter and who a regular. Right in the beginning the others had introduced you to Mollys, claiming it was Chicago’s bar where first responders spend their time after shift.

Figuring it might come in handy to memorize some faces you let your gaze drift over the sea of people, recognizing a few men that Connor had once told you worked at the CFD. They were laughing loudly, beers in hand as they seemed to be talking enthusiastically about something.

At the table next to theirs your gaze came to a hold, your eyes caught by a man you had never seen before but looked slightly familiar. Your brows furrowed as you rummaged in your head for something that connected you to him, but you couldn’t find anything.

The people who sat with him didn’t look familiar either, consisting of men and one woman with chestnut hair. Your eyes drifted back to the man, who had caught your attention, his brown hair styled neatly and his hands wrapped around a bottle of beer that he just raised to his lips.

You didn’t meant to stare, but you were mesmerized, torn between trying to determine why he looked so familiar and captured by his effortless handsomeness.

He wore a green shirt, making you think his eyes were the same shade, although it was hard to know with the distance between you.

He seemed relaxed, leant back in his seat but listening to the others conversation attentively. Having sensed someone’s eyes on him he suddenly looked up, his eyes searching the room for a split second before they fell onto you.

Your face heat up as a blush crept up your cheeks, knowing you had missed your chance to turn away. The man raised his brows slightly, in confusion just as much as amusement it seemed, before he lightly lifted his bottle, as if he was saying cheers.

You clutched your glass a little tighter, glad that it had been refilled in the time you had spent gawking at him, and copied the movement, an unstable smile on your lips. Then you turned away, meeting Stella’s gaze from the other side of the bar.

The two of you had met when she had been at the hospital for smoke inhaling a while ago and you had clicked almost instantly, connected by your determination to hold your own in a field still dominated by men. And by your past with toxic relationships as you found out later.

“What was that?”, she asked, a teasing grin tugging at the corner of her lips as her eyes flickered between you and the man behind you. A part of you wanted to ask if he was still watching you, the other longed to forget it had ever happened.

“I don’t know.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “Can we just forget it ever happened?”

Stella’s face lit up, her curls dancing around her face as she shook her head. “Yeah, you wish. But that was definitely something.”

You exhaled, pinching your nose. “Thank you for the drink.” You saw Stella open her mouth in protest at your ignoration of her words, but before she could say anything else you send her an apologetical smile and hurried off.

No one seemed to have noticed your encounter and you slipped into the booth with ease, trying hard not to steal another glance at the unknown man a few tables away.

No men, you reminded yourself. Right now you needed to focus on getting your life together, not getting your heart broken by a handsome stranger.

“Dr. (Y/l/n)?” “Yeah?”, your head shot up from where you had filled out paper work. Because Connor and you were only half-sibling, you didn’t share the same last name, something you had been more than glad over when stepping foot in this hospital for the first time.

No one knew where you came from and that you shared genes with the successful Dr. Rhodes and you had left it at that at first, wanting to make your own impression first before dropping the information.

You could still remember their shocked faces, the questions, but most of all the excitement as they asked what Connor had been like growing up. If you had any embarrassing stories to tell or photos to show.

You didn’t, keeping them to yourself for now, because you hadn’t come here to make fun of your brother. He had been your rock through your breakup and your move here, something you were so grateful for you feared you would never be able to show him just how much.

“We have someone hit bit a bullet waiting in the three.” Your eyes widened. “Why didn’t they come with an ambulance?”, you asked, grabbing your iPad along the way.

Maggie waved off your comment, chuckling. “Cops. You know how they are.”

Actually, you didn’t. Coming from a small town you had no experience with shootings and gangs and many of the other trauma causes that were common here in Chicago. It was why you had been so excited about your job offer at the hospital.

Although you were still adjusting to the changes of living in a city and there were downsides you hadn’t considered before, you liked it. It felt so different, giving you the sense that in this city everything could be possible.

So many options and so many possibilities, as if you could completely reinvent yourself. It was thrilling, making you wonder how you had ever lived without the adrenaline rush of stepping into a busy ER.

Quickly scanning the information on your tablet you pulled open the curtain, clamping the iPad under your arm as you disinfected your hands.

“Hi, I’m doctor (y/l/n) and you are?” You glanced up, startled as you met the eyes of a familiar stranger. The man in front of you grinned, seemingly better at covering up his surprise. “Shouldn’t it say my name on your tablet?”

He didn’t sound rude, only a little sarcastic and perhaps even teasing. You gulped, trying to recompose yourself. “Right. I just prefer getting to know my patients myself than just relying on numbers and letters.”

You didn’t see his reaction when you grabbed your iPad again, glancing down at it. “So your name is Jay Hal-” “Halstead”, he finished for you and you looked up at him again.

It made sense now, why he had seemed so familiar to you nights ago at Mollys. “You’re Will’s brother.” The man in front of you, Jay, as you knew now, raised a brow. “Have you considered becoming a detective?”

He was mocking you, again, and you were tempted to smack him with your iPad. “So-”, he paused, letting his eyes drift over you. You felt your body tense under his gaze, cop’s eyes, and stood a little straighter.

“You were watching me at Mollys.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, biting your tongue. You could only hope the embarrassment that began to sink in didn’t show.

“I was not watching you”, you stated and he raised a brow, daring you to explain yourself. “I just thought you looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. Now it makes sense.”

You turned halfway towards the door, gesturing to the halls where somewhere his brother was treating another patient.

“I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”

You almost gasped at the confidence in his voice, instead blowing out a breath. “It definitely was.”

He shook his head, smiling. “I don’t buy it.”

There were many things you wanted to say to him, but you swallowed them, knowing it was no use. He clearly enjoyed teasing you, so you wouldn’t give him more fuel.

Instead you let out a sigh, shifting into professionality. “So, Mr. Halstead”, you began. “Jay is fine.” You tried not to let his interruption let you lose your string again and nodded. “Jay, you’re here for a bullet wound on your left upper arm?”

Jay nodded, his eyes- they really were green- bright. Pulling on your gloves you decided it was time to reclaim your own position a little. “And you decided to just walk in here instead of coming with an ambulance? Seems a little reckless, don’t you think?”

He raised one brow at your question. “It’s just a graze. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my boss.” He rolled his eyes, making you wonder what his boss was like.

“Seems like your boss is a lot smarter than you”, you muttered, but to your surprise Jay grinned. “You’re new here, right? At least I’ve never seen you here before. Do you always talk to patients like that?”

You shrugged, unbothered by his words as you stepped close to him to take a look at his arm. You didn’t know what had gotten into you to talk to him like that, but you had the feeling with him it was fine. That he could take it, perhaps even enjoyed it over your dry professionalism.

“Only to the ones I like best”, you said with sarcasm in your voice, too focused on inspecting his wound to check his expression.

Jay didn’t move under your touch, allowing you to move his arm before you let it go again. He had done this before, probably multiple times. It was why he was so unbothered, perhaps even annoyed to waste his time here on something that seemed unsignificant to him.

For a moment you were tempted to ask him how he could choose a job that demanded such sacrifice, but you didn’t know him and you doubted he would give you an honest answer. Not that you could blame him. You were practically strangers.

And was your job much different? Although you had never been hurt and doubted it would ever happen, you were still making countless of sacrifices for it. Taking on extra shifts, working through the nights, staying longer to take more time for your patients and putting their health over your own sometimes.

“It’s just a graze shot”, you said when you were done inspecting the wound, ignoring his look that seemed to say “told you”.

“But you still need to be careful with it. Give it rest, avoid any rapid movements, don’t lift too heavy with it…I think you know.”

Jay nodded, watching you remove your gloves. “Does that happen often?” He tilted his head in question and you bit your lip. “I mean, you- getting shot on the job.”

“Are you asking if I come here often?” His lips were curled into a lopsided grin, looking way too handsome on his features. You rolled your eyes at his teasing, ignoring the way your heart beat a little faster in your chest. “Forget it”, you stated, throwing your gloves into the bin.

“I am going to tell one of the residents to come and bandage the wound. Then you’re free to go.”

But before you could move the curtain again and leave the room you heard Jay’s voice behind you. “Wait.”

You paused, turning back to him slowly. For the first time he wore a serious expression, his jaw twitching.

“I’m with the Intelligence”, he stated, in a way that told you the name should ring a bell. It didn’t. You were too new to know much about it.

Jay seemed to sense it by your lack of a reaction to his words. “We’re…very involved in the City.”

Whatever that meant. You tilted your head in question. “You mean with the gangs?”

Jay shifted. “Voight, my boss, he can be very- intense.”

You nodded slowly, taking in his guarded expression. It was a topic you wouldn’t pry at. “And you’re okay with it? I mean- you’re just so…casual about this.”

You bit your lip, hesitant to ask him but curious as well. The cops in your home town had barely ever used their weapon to the point you sometimes even doubted they were able to.

Jay shrugged nonchalantly. “Before I worked for the CPD I was in the army. I’ve been through a lot worse than a graze. Getting shot at is just another part of my job.”

A veteran.

In such a short amount of time Jay had revealed so much to you. Suddenly you had a lot more respect for the man in front of you and you wondered if that was his way of coping, covering up his battle wounds and scars with sarcasm and wit.

You swallowed, trying to find words. But none seemed fitting. “Sounds like I will be seeing you here often then.” You kept your voice emotionless, although the thought of seeing Jay regularly made your heart speed up a little. Of course you would prefer different circumstances.

Damn his handsome face and wit.

He grinned slightly, shifting the atmosphere back to something lighter. “Don’t get too excited. I prefer staying bullet free.” “As you should.”

Typing something into your iPad you gave Jay a final nod. “Stay safe out there.” Then you turned to the door, already halfway out when you heard his voice again.

“I don’t even know your name.”

You froze, smiling to yourself when you tried not to put too much weight into the fact that he had called you back a second time. It seemed almost as if he didn’t want you to leave just yet.

But you pushed the thought aside, knowing it was pointless. You couldn’t let yourself get distracted so easily.

Turning back to him you put on a polite smile.

“You’re a detective, figure it out.”

You were surprised by your own confidence, but with Jay you didn’t feel shy or insecure. He made you feel like you could say anything and he wouldn’t mind. The type of man that didn’t get upset easily, so comfortable with who he was that it took a lot to get him to lose his temper.

“I could just ask my brother, you know.”

You shrugged, unimpressed. “If that lets you sleep at night, sure.”

You left the room smiling to yourself and it took you another few minutes to calm your rapid heart and collect yourself.

“You didn’t tell me you have a brother!” “What?” Will looked up from the computer, startled by the way you had barged into the break room.

Your shift was over and you couldn’t wait to get home and relax on the couch, but before that you needed to talk to Will. Because after encountering the other Halstead your mind hadn’t been able to let go of what had happened between the two of you. The way he had looked at you, teased you. How he had made you feel nervous and confident in just a matter of moments.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a brother?” You leaned on the desk, sure that you had Will’s full attention now. “You didn’t tell us you had a brother the first few weeks either.”

“That’s different.” You shook your head. “And I did tell you. So…?”

Will leaned back in his chair, stretching his back. “I didn’t think it mattered. I would have introduced you eventually but- wait, is Jay here?”

You bit your tongue, feeling a little caught. You hadn’t thought that maybe Jay didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. But it was too late now, and anyway, how should you have known?“

"He was. He is fine though.” You kept your words vague, aware that you weren’t allowed to share personal information with Will. Even if they were brothers.

Will let out a sigh. “That idiot. Probably got himself in trouble again.” He reached for his phone across the desk and you quickly got up, straightening.

“You didn’t get it from me”, you threw in before Will could drag you into it and he looked up at you with curiosity in his eyes. “I wasn’t going to mention you.”

“Oh.” You nodded, feeling relieved yet a little flustered. Will studied you with attentive eyes, reminding you of his brother for a second before his expression shifted into suspicion.

“So you met Jay.” He said it in a way that proposed something meaningful behind his words, but you couldn’t figure out why. “I did.” You shifted your weight to the balls of your feet before swaying forward again. A nervous habit. “I bet he’s the younger one.”

“He is, yeah.”

You suppressed a grin. It made so much sense. “So I should probably head home now. I got the early shift tomorrow.”

“Right.” Will nodded, the phone in his hands seemingly forgotten as his eyes were still fixed on you. “Did something happen between you and my brother?”

Your heart sank a little. Were you really so obvious? “I told you I’ve sworn off men. And your brother is- annoying.”

You wished the last part didn’t sound like it came straight from a five year old’s mouth, but it was too late to take back.

“Trust me, I know that.” Will let out a sigh, but you could see the fondness in his eyes. The gesture alone told you they had a close relationship.

A cop and a doctor. What a pair.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Weeks had passed since you had last seen Jay. He hadn’t shown up in the hospital again, which you were both glad for and disappointed at, and since you had been taking on extra shifts for a sick co-worker, you had spent almost all your time at the hospital or passed out in your bed.

“You haven’t gone out with us in weeks!” Sylvie was currently trying to convince you to come to Mollys. You had gotten to know her through Stella and the two of you had gotten along well, her sweet and kind nature something that made you feel comfortable around her instantly.

Although you had quickly learned not to underestimate the girl. She was working with a bunch of guys after all and had learned to stand her ground with them.

Sylvie could be very persistent, you realized again when she had called you to invite you to a girl’s night out. “Stella won’t be working today, so it’s our chance to spend the night as just us girls.”

You gnawed your lip, thinking. You were tired, craving your couch and tv more than going out again, but Sylvie wasn’t wrong, you had been mostly on your own the past days. Being a little social and getting out of your own apartment would probably be good.

“Urgh, fine”, you groaned. “But you’re paying my first drink.” You knew Sylvie was smiling triumphantly on the other end of the line. “Deal.” “Now get your ass over here!” It was Stella’s voice in the background and you chuckled. “You are the worst!”

“And you love us anyway”, she chirped and you hung up, shaking your head with a smile on your face.

You hadn’t thought about impressing anyone when getting ready, but you were more than glad you had put a little effort into your outfit and make-up when you stepped into Molly’s that night, your getup like a wall build around you.

“You came!” Stella crossed the room, her voice loud enough for a couple of heads to turn towards you. You could kill her for drawing attention to you, but you forced a smile onto your lips instead, trying not to look at anyone except her.

“Hey”, you muttered, shrugging out of your coat and hugging her. “Wow, girl you look stunning!” Stella’s eyes flashed up and down your body as she let go, a smirk on her face.

“A little quieter, please?”, you almost whispered, aware that you still had the attention of the people around you. Stella seemed either completely oblivious to it all or unbothered, because she grinned at you. “Looking like that you will draw attention to you whether you like it or not!”

You felt your cheeks heat up a little, glad when you spied Sylvie making her way over. “I told her not to make a scene, but she wouldn’t listen. You know how she is!”

You hugged her too, smiling as Stella let out a breath. “I did not make a scene. And I’m standing right here, you know?”

Laughing, the three of you made your way to the back, where you slipped into a booth, your drink already waiting for you. “You know me so well”, you told Stella as you took your first sip, relaxing a little now that the attention had mostly vanished.

“I got you, girl!” Stella winked at you, before launching into a story about their newest rescue. Soon you were enveloped in laughter and smiles, the stress of the last days forgotten for the night.

Only when Stella declared it was time for another round of drinks you felt the exhaustion return to your body. “I think I’m going to head home”, you told them, stretching a little in your seat. “Early shift tomorrow?”, Sylvie asked and you nodded.

“You’re way too selfless, taking on all these extra shifts”, Stella pointed out, but you waved her off. “I’m the new one, so it’s fine. Helps me get to know everyone and everything better and it’s not like I have much to do in this city yet. I only got my gym membership, but I didn’t really have time to look for anything else.”

“See? That’s exactly why you need time off! You should be out exploring the city!” You smiled at Stella’s enthusiasm. “It’s not like it won’t be here tomorrow. I’m planning on staying here, so there’s plenty of time to get to know it all.”

Sylvie offered you a smile. “I’m glad you do. I know it can be quite an adjustment to move to a big city like Chicago, but it will feel like your home in no time.”

You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest as you thought back to the past months, which had been filled with nothing but heartbreak, loss and a turmoil of emotions. Even as you had decided to start a new life in Chicago, you had been filled with fear and uncertainty, scared to make the wrong call yet again.

Never could you have imagined to find a job, that was so challenging, but gave you a sense of purpose and a group of friends, that felt like you had met them long ago.

“It already kind of does”, you admitted, your eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of you before you looked up at them again. They both looked at you with big smiles on their faces and you almost felt tears fill your eyes. It had been a long day.

“We should do this more often”, you told them as you got up and grabbed your coat. “That’s what I said!” Stella nodded.

“And I still need to show you that spinning class. You would love it!” Sylvie sounded so excited that you couldn’t help but chuckle. “I am sure. Just text me and we’ll find something.”

“And you’re sure you can’t stay longer?”

Your eyes drifted to the counter as you considered staying for another drink, but your body felt heavy and almost sore from the day’s work. “Next time. But you two have fun and don’t drink too much”, you winked at them.

As you excited the bar you waved towards a few familiar faces before pulling your coat closer around your body to prepare yourself for Chicago’s cold.

Still you shivered as you stepped outside, pulling out your phone to order an Uber. Something you had only done once before, on your way here, but was an easy and quick way of getting around the city.

It would take a few minutes for your driver to arrive and you realized it would have been a lot smarter to wait inside, but you hadn’t thought of it then and you felt too proud to step inside again.

Pressing your hands together you rubbed them against each other a few times to create heat, before slinging your arms around your torso. Chicago’s harsh winters wasn’t something you hadn’t gotten used to yet, but the promise of snow lingering in the air made it almost worth it.

You heard the faint sound of the door opening and closing behind you so you took a step to the side of the building, not wanting to stand in the way of whoever had just left the bar.

To your surprise the person came to stand beside you, his presence alarming you until you glanced up to find none other than Jay Halstead standing next to you.

Immediately your body relaxed again, as if it knew by instinct his presence meant safety. “That was quite an entrance”, he greeted you, referring to the moment you had stepped into Molly’s.

You felt your cheeks flush at the memory, hoping he couldn’t see it in the dim light of the streetlamp. “I didn’t know you were here.” You kept your eyes trained at the empty street in front of you, willing and dreading the moment your driver came to pick you up.

“I was with the unit”, he said and you turned your head towards him. “Are you here often?” He shrugged, his eyes darting to the building. “I guess so, yeah. It’s the place where everyone comes.”

You nodded silently, contemplating his words. “But if I want to be alone, I go to the bar at the corner North Milwaukee Avenue.” You met his eyes curiously. Was he making recommendations, because you were new in the city or did he have another intention?

“So bars and hospitals. Everywhere else I can expect to run into Jay Halstead?” You didn’t know why you asked, but a part of you wanted to know. Wanted to know more about him, what his life was like, what made him who he was.

Jay grinned faintly. “You make it sound like I’ve got issues.” “Do you? Have issues?” You were teasing and he smirked. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t think I have.” Even as you said it you knew your words couldn’t be farer from the truth. Hadn’t your issues been what had led you here?

Jay watched you for a moment, seemingly picking up on your change of mood, but sensing you weren’t ready to talk about it. You appreciated it, welcoming the silence to sort your thoughts again.

“So what led you here to Chicago?” His question was innocent and something you had been asked countless of times since your move here, but for some reason you felt the urge to be open with him. No lies or excuses.

And even if Jay barely knew you, you thought he would be able to pick up on it. He must be an excellent detective.

“There were some…things I needed to leave behind.” It was vague, but more than you had told most who had asked. Only the girls knew about your breakup, but even with them you hadn’t shared many details.

Jay didn’t ask further, his grave expression suggesting he understood you better than you might have thought. “Why Chicago?” You glanced away from him, taking in the empty road, the skyline with its lights in the background. “I needed a fresh start, somewhere where no one knew who I am. And I got family here, so it made sense.”

You could feel his eyes on you and you swallowed before facing him again. For a moment your eyes locked, none of you saying anything as you started at each other. Jay was the first one to break the heavy atmosphere, a smile dancing at his lips.

“But you’re not a criminal on the run, are you? Because I would have to arrest you, if you were.” The tension that had risen in your body at the mention of your past vanished and you grinned, relieved about his ability to lighten the atmosphere. “What gave it away?”

Jay leaned a little closer, his eyes glistening. “Maybe the way you always look over your shoulder-” You inhaled. Was that really something you did? “-or that you’re nervous around me, a cop.”

The air you had held escaped you in a surprised sound and you hugged your torso a little tighter. “I’m not nervous around you”, you huffed, shaking your head. Jay grinned.

“How is your arm by the way?” You weren’t interested in talking about yourself any longer, shifting the topic onto him. Your gazes travelled down his arm where his jacket was covering the wound you had inspected. It seemed like forever ago and like yesterday at once.

“It’s good. Voight’s keeping me at a leash, make sure I’m 100% before I get into the field again.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but you could hear the strain in his voice. He missed it, being out there on the streets.

“Sounds reasonable to me.” “Yeah.” Jay nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. It seemed like you weren’t the only one with secrets.

You looked up at the sound of a car nearing, a black car approaching the two of you. Checking your phone you held it up. “That’s my ride.”

But you only managed one step towards it before Jay pulled you back, his hand wrapped around your lower arm. You gazed at it, confused and startled by his reaction and he loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side after a moment.

“You know the guy?”, he asked, pointing to the man that was sitting behind the wheel, an impatient expression on his face.

Slowly you shook your head, your eyes flickering between the car and Jay. “But he’s my ride. See-” you held up your phone to him, but Jay paid it little attention.

“Yeah, no, you’re not climbing into that car”, he stated, his voice firm but not unfriendly. “Wait, what?”

Surprised you watched Jay walk towards the car, waiting for the driver to pull down the window before leaning in. You couldn’t hear what was said, only watched the two speak for a minute.

Their conversation ended with Jay handing the man money, before walking back towards you as the car sped away in the darkness.

“What the hell was that?”, you asked as Jay came to stand beside you again, his body just as relaxed as before. “You’re new in Chicago, right?” You didn’t say anything, knowing it was a question he didn’t expect an answer to.

“You should not be climbing into a car with a stranger. And not in the dark.”

Your head spun as you tried to process what he was implying. “It was just an uber! Everyone does that around here.”

You sounded clueless and defensive, shocked about the sudden change of events. Jay eyed you. “Well, then take it from me to never do that again. At least not alone. Chicago’s not a good place, especially for women, trust me on that one.”

You didn’t know what to say, blinking at him as the impact of it sank in. What if Jay hadn’t stepped outside? You doubted anything would have happened, but what if he was right and you had been reckless? Naive?

“So how am I supposed to get around the city then? Because driving in this traffic is madness.”

For the first time since your interruption Jay smiled again. “You can just ask me. I am much cheaper anyway. And on top you will get to see my face.”

You rolled your eyes over his confidence. “Now that’s a deal I can’t decline”, you muttered, fighting the grin that threatened to spread over your face and failing. Damn it.

“But for real, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just call you all the time I want to go somewhere.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem if we went together.”

Your eyes widened as you almost choked on the air. “You mean a date?”

Jay shrugged, his eyes not meeting yours for only a second. “You can pay me back for saving your ass twice.”

“Twice?”

“Getting into that car for one and saving you from freezing here on the street by driving you home.”

Smooth. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “Does that work with every woman you’re trying to impress?”

Jay shrugged, fiddling for something in his pocket before pulling out his car keys. You watched a car light up at the other side of the street, following Jay towards it.

“I wouldn’t know. And who says I’m trying to impress you?”

“Maybe because of this whole I’m-a-cop-and-I’m-so-tough-thing.”

Now it was Jay’s turn to chuckle. “That’s not just a thing. So, what are you saying?”

Oh. You bit your lip, considering the thought of going on a date with Jay. Hadn’t you just recently decided not to date and focus on yourself for a while?

But you couldn’t deny you wanted to say yes. To spend more time around him and enjoy the feeling of ease he gave you.

“Maybe.”

You said it with a teasing smile, scared Jay might take your answer in a bad way, but he sent you a confident grin. “I can work with that.”

Tags:

PERMANENT

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Please let me know what you think :)

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lysa1201-saucy · 11 months ago

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💕 REQUESTS OPEN 💕 18+ ONLY 💕

Trying to get in the groove of writing NSFW again, sooo send some requests! No promises I can do all, it depends on which ones I REALLY like and get into!!!

I don’t kink shame, I’m open to most, but I WILL NOT DO includes incest, rape/non-con, beastiality (that doesn’t include humanoids. so like catgirls, catboys, hybrid shit i’m cool with), and I’ll figure out the rest when I get there lol

FANDOMS I’M COOL WITH AND CHARACTERS!

✨ = most confident in

💢 = not as confident in

Obey Me:

Lucifer ✨

Mammon 💢

Leviathan ✨

Satan ✨

Asmodeus ✨

Beelzebub 💢

Belphegor ✨

Diavolo

Barbatos

Solomon ✨

Simeon 💢

Dangerous Fellows:

Lawrence ✨

Ethan ✨

Harry ✨

Zion 💢

Mystic Messenger:

Jumin Han ✨

Jaehee Kang

Yoosung Kim 💢

Zen/Hyun Ryu

Saeyoung Choi ✨

Spy x Family:

Loid Forger

Yor Briar/Forger 💢

NU: Carnival:

Eiden

Kuya

Quincy ✨

Aster 💢

Morvay 💢

Yakumo

Olivine ✨

Blade

Dante 💢

Edmond ✨

Resident Evil:

Leon Kennedy ✨

Claire Redfield 💢

Luis Serra

Ashley Graham 💢

Ada Wong

Chris Redfield 💢

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lnchicagosreads · 9 months ago

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LNChicagosReads

Main Accounts:

TV Show : @samantha-chicago

F1 : @cllightning81

I shall be reposting fics I have read on this account rather than on my main account so authors still get the credit they deserve without me sharing them over my own fics.

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trixieloves1d · 1 year ago

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Hey guys! Can you help me find a fanfic please?

It’s a one Chicago fic where the reader is Will Halstead’s sister and is married to Connor Rhodes. She’s a surgeon like Connor and is pregnant. She goes into labour whilst performing surgery and Connor is called to help her as well as her doctor. Will and a nurse watch on from the observation area. The nurse seems to think that the reader is faking it to get out of doing the surgery.

Thanks guys 😊

#one chicago fic #will halstead imagine #connor rhodes x reader #chicago med #will halstead #connor rhodes #jay halstead #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago med x reader #chicago fire #ethan choi

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thatonefng · 8 months ago

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How about indefinitely - Sarah Reese x Reader (Chicago Med)

A/N: I finished watching the season finale of Chicago Med and was inspired by Will Halstead’s own departure and I miss Sarah Reese

Summary: Sarah and the reader had been dating while she was the psychiatrist resident and the reader an attending physician in the ED until she decided to leave Gaffney and head to Texas. At the airport she offered the reader to come with here but ultimately declined, reason was Chicago is home. She was okay with your decision but said if they’re ever in Texas, just call her.

—————————————

Since that day, you had a hard time maintaining your work, every where you look, you see her. It affected you personally and professionally because throughout your career, Sarah had been there since the beginning.

Now it was you who saw her at the end of her career for a new change. It was understandable that she wanted to leave, it made you proud that she was finally making a choice for herself, yet it was saddening that she was still going.

But before boarding, she turned to you and told you that you could come along with her. You did ponder on it but ultimately decided to stay in Chicago. She understood and you knew that it marked the end of your relationship. It ended amicably and you send her away.

It was miserable, the next months you woke up expecting her to be near you but she wasn’t. You also tried going out but it wasn’t like the one you had previously with the psychiatrist. Then it hit you, you still held a torch for Sarah Reese.

During your residency at Gaffney, it was understandable that people all come and go. Connor left, Ava died, Jeff moved to Hawaii, Dylan resigned, Ethan and April had gotten married and started a mobile clinic, Nat had been fired, and now recently Will had been fired and moved to Seattle, last you heard from him he reconnected with Natalie. All of them leaving hurt, but Sarah’s hurt you the most.

Now it was only you, Goodwin, Maggie, Dr. Charles, and Dr. Marcel.

But now, it was your time to go. Reason behind it was because of an off-the-books surgery where you saved a child because as a doctor, you save anybody you can. When the staff found out, you took full responsibility and resigned from the hospital.

So here you are, in front of the many coworkers in the ED. With your stuff packed in a bag that is hung over your shoulders.

“I’m sorry that I have to say goodbye.” You spoke softly, but still audible enough for everybody to hear. “I know it’s not going to be easy once I’m gone, but I have faith that the people that stand here right now, will take great care to this city.” You stated without your voice cracking up.

Dr. Charles then approached you and gives you an embrace. It was emotional, growing up and helping Chicago was the best thing that you’ve ever felt.

“Let’s all wish Dr. L/N the very best.” Goodwin and the ED staff all applauded for you as you shook Goodwin’s hand, thanking her for everything.

Then you gave Maggie one final hug and finally approached Crockett. When he came to Gaffney you accepted him and in return he did to you as well and in the end you became basically brothers.

“Keep saving lives while I’m gone, yeah?” You told Crockett.

“Absolutely.” He shook your hand.

Exiting the ED itself, you turned around and gave one final wave to the still applauding staff.

~~~

A taxi was waiting outside for you. You had previously packed everything in your apartment but only brought your gym bag and a backpack.

“O’hares?” He asked for your destination. You had decided to leave Chicago whole.

“Yes.” You replied, looking out the window as this would be the final time you would seeing the windy city’s skyline. Memories started playing in your head as one tear silently fell.

~~~

Remembering Sarah you decided to go reunite with her so you had just arrived at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport.

Exiting the terminal, and looking all around you felt small. You did let her know that you were coming to Texas, albeit hesitantly because you had never contacted her so you didn’t know what her reaction would be.

She did read it so that’s a good sign. So again, here you are, in another state where everything is new. You pulled out your phone, in the process of calling a taxi, thinking that she wouldn’t be here but when you looked up, she was there.

She may have been amongst the crowds but her beauty made her stood out to you. Out of reaction, you cracked a smile.

You both approach each other, only stopping once you both were close. Looking at her, you could tell she has grown but was still the same Sarah you fell in love with years ago.

*Obviously not my gif but anyways*

“Hey.” She greeted you.

“Hey.” You repeated. It was nice to hear her voice again. And judging by the way she sounds, she was happy you were there, in front of her.

Her smile grew more but then she gawks at your lightload. “Is that all you packed.”

You shrugged in response. “I didn’t know how long you wanted me to stay.” You truthfully answered her.

Sarah shook her head as she said the words that unburdens you from discovering that your trip was a waste.

“How about indefinitely.” She smiled as she embraces you tightly, you doing the same. You were ecstatic that your reunion was a success.

Then she does the one thing that caught you off guard. She captures your lips with hers. The kiss lasted for seconds but to you, it felt like an eternity.

You were about to ask her but she beat you to it. “I’ve waited all this time for you, can we continue?” She rubbed your flustered cheeks like she always did.

You answered yes.

Then you both walked out of the terminal, hand-in-hand with a smile as your relationship with Sarah never died but instead grew. You were ready, ready for a new life together.

—————————

A/N: My first post, yay! I hope I did good

#one chicago #sarah reese #sarah reese x reader #chicago med #dr charles #sharon goodwin #ethan choi #april sexton #chicago med imagine #maggie lockwood #crockett marcel #one chicago imagine

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haocovr · 1 year ago

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Ahhhhh

Requested by @haocovr: Imagine being a doctor at Chicago Med and in love with Ethan Choi

"Good morning Dr. Choi." You greeted as you walked into Med. Ethan was already moving around quickly and reading over a chart in his hand.

"Morning Dr.[Y/N]." He smiled at you quickly before ducking into Trauma 2 to check on his patient.

You smiled back, even though he wasn't looking. It was such a small thing but his greeting was the best part of your morning.

Maggie approached you, a knowing smile and no chart to be seen.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" You asked, even though with Maggie you knew there was no point in trying to deny what she was seeing. She saw everything and that included seeing right through your innocent façade.

"You know exactly why." She said. "You've got to make your move. Go for it, be assertive."

"Maggie," you sighed, "he probably doesn't even-"

"Feel the same?" She interrupted. "You both have comedically bad timing. Every time one of you does something cute, the other blushes but you look away so you just don't see it. He likes you. He's probably afraid to admit it, but he does. So, talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

You looked at her. She was so confident in her assessment and you trusted her judgement on about a million other things, but you struggled to believe her here. Ethan? Liked you too? It just seemed so unlikely.

You went through the day, having only brief interactions with Ethan but each time you swore Maggie lingered around just to see if you would commit. Of course, when discussing patient care, especially in front of a patient, there weren't many opportunities for the topic to come up.

Finally, your day was wrapping up and wouldn't you know it, so was Ethan's. You were on your way to grab your things when Maggie caught your eye and gave you a look and a pushing hand motion followed by a heart. You weren't sure whether to roll your eyes or blush.

Ethan was gathering his things as well when you walked in.

"Long day?" He asked.

"I've certainly had longer. How about you?"

"Not bad, all things considered." He paused. "What are you doing tonight, got any plans?"

"Nothing yet. Why do you ask?" You asked. Ethan always seemed so confident and you really hoped he would make the first move. Maggie's pep talk had helped but you were still uncertain.

Was that a blush on Ethan's face? No, surely you were just imagining it. Ethan didn't blush. Sometimes he would smile and look away but he wasn't the blushing kind. Not that you'd watched his reactions that closely before.

"Curiosity." He finally answered simply.

"Ah." You said, disappointed but trying to hide it. You took your coat and wallet from their places and got ready to leave quietly. You considered walking out the door without saying anything else but Maggie's voice in your head told you not to.

"Do you want to go to Molly's?" You suggested, turning from the door to look at Ethan. He looked surprised at first but then smiled.

"I would like that a lot."

So, the two of you headed to the bar, greeting the firefighters as you sat at a table to give yourselves some more space to talk.

And talk you did. It was a little awkward at first, Ethan was not naturally much of a small talker and you didn't want to dive in too heavy right from the start. But from a bit of work chat, you got to spin off onto some tangents and exchange stories that had you sitting on the edge of your seat to almost doubling over laughing.

After a couple beers, Ethan finally asked you the question you'd been worried about.

"So, what made you invite me to Molly's tonight?" He asked. He certainly hadn't minded the invitation at all and he loved talking to you, but it had been a bit of a surprise.

You hesitated, unsure of how much of your feelings you wanted to lead with.

"Maggie suggested I ask actually. She thought it might be good for us to hang out."

Ethan raised an eyebrow and tried to suppress a smile.

"Funny. She told me a similar thing today."

"Oh did she?" You asked, now raising your own eyebrow. She had played you both like a fiddle. "What exactly did she tell you?"

Ethan studied you for a moment. His face was handsome you thought as he focused on your eyes.

"She told me that I needed to stop missing my moment and take the dive."

"Maggie used the phrase 'take the dive?' Huh." You mused before processing the more important part of what Ethan had been saying. "What moment was she worried about?"

You wanted to believe it would be a romantic moment and everything was leading you there. Your stomach was in your throat and you knew it would just plummet if he said it was purely platonic.

"Apparently I haven't been as subtle about how I feel as I thought. She said you weren't subtle either, I was just not looking hard enough."

How he felt. You felt a warmth in your chest as you could relax now.

"Maggie was rather confident you liked me. And she read me like a book too."

Ethan laughed and he was able to relax again.

"So, you have feelings for me too?" He confirmed.

"I like you, I really do."

You both smiled. How could you not?

#ethan choi x male!reader #elio recommends things 🏯

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thestarrynightslover · 1 year ago

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Whatever Comes

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,147

Warnings: A lot of angst. Mentions of blood, life-threatening injuries, hit-and-run, fracture wounds, and miscarriage.

Summary: Doctor (y/n) (y/l/n) and Jay Halstead are secretly dating when there is a terrible accident involving (y/n) and a lot comes to light.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first fic in a long while and I don't think it's all that good but I had to restart somewhere, so I hope you like it anyway!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

You had just gotten out of your car across the street from the side of Med and, as you were making your way through the bit of road that led to the hospital, a car comes into the driveway — screeching tires, in full speed — and runs you over long before you could even see anything and, there, in the matter of a few seconds, everything goes black and you’re left bleeding out in the street.

Almost an hour later, after you had regained consciousness and had begun dragging yourself, very slowly, towards the hospital, Will and Ethan, about to go inside Med, spot you and run your way eager to help you out — even if they hadn’t known it was you at first.

“Oh man, it’s Dr. (y/n) (y/l/n)!” Ethan exclaimed.

“(y/n), can you hear me?!?” You sort of heard Will ask through your dizziness haze.

“Wow, you’re actually shorter this up close than I had imagined at first.” You attempted a joke with your friend, momentarily gaining some clarity.

Ignoring you, Will just asked no one specifically, “oh Lord, how long has she been bleeding out here?”

Decisive as always, you heard as Dr. Choi commanded, “I don’t know but, come on, Will, let’s carry her to the ED!”

As soon as your friends get inside the hospital with you, everybody stays in shock for a moment until Maggie yells: "get her in treatment 4, now!"

Following her lead, Will and Ethan get started on treating you, who has a few broken ribs, and free fluid in your belly besides from a punctured spleen. Having done their best in the ED, they decide to send your upstairs for surgery with Crocket.

Once you're going to surgery, Miss Goodwin tells Maggie and the doctors to call PD and specifically ask for Intelligence, since you were friends with the unit. As the cops get there, one stands out: Jay Halstead. He's frantic, devastated-looking, just completely lost, and desperate to hear more news about your condition. No one really understands why he is reacting like that, but all of them do share the fear of losing a great friend. Voight's giving out assignments to the team, so Jay knows that that's when he needs to speak up.

"Um, sarge?" All eyes are on him. "If you and the team don't mind running one man short today... I was hoping that I could, um, stay here with- with her?" Hank just stares at him, unlike everyone else — who are shocked — the older man's focus is on his detective's eyes, on the way he was so distraught from the moment they got the call about (y/l/n). That was the behavior, the look, of a terrified man. And, as everyone there knew, Jay Halstead — the freaking war vet — wasn't one to get scared easily. "(y/n) and I-"

"It's fine. No need to explain. You should stay here, Jay. Let us know, in case anything changes. And we'll catch the son of a bitch." He said firmly, making Jay feel as appreciative as ever, and, also, sending an implicit message to all the other members of the unit, one that said: we work this with all we got right now, for (y/n), and for Jay, no questions asked.

After the officers left the hospital, there was still a big commotion from everyone who stayed, because it was one of their own up there in the or. But, surpassing everyone else's, was Will's surprise by how distraught Jay looked, especially considering how his little brother wanted to stay at the hospital, instead of going to find who hurt you. So he comes to confront the detective about it. "So... You and (y/n) are a thing?" Will asked, trying to understand. Since Jay just nodded his head, he decided to push a little further: "And... Were you ever planning to tell me? What the hell, man?"

"Will, I-"

"She's one of my best friends, Jay! Not to mention the fact that I'm the doctor who oversees her work here!"

"Will you put it down?" Jay pleaded with his brother, motioning him to a more reserved corner of the waiting room. "I know, okay? I know. And I'm sorry if it upsets you, man, I really am. But this could've blown her career. That's why we hadn't told you yet." It was clear that Will didn't exactly like his brother's explanation, but he knew it was true.

"Just... How long?"

"Um, about six months?"

"Six months?!" The doctor yelled in shock, then repeated it in a lower tone. "But, six months?"

"Yeah, I know it's a lot of time keeping you in the dark, Will. But, trust me, we weren't thrilled about it. And we were hoping to tell you soon. I swear." Jay said, and his brother could, once again, see it was the truth.

"So, that means that when you started seeing each other she was still finishing med school?"

"Yeah, that's right. Which was, like, the main reason for us to keep it under wraps. An intern dating the attending doctor's little brother? Wouldn't look good."

"That's true..." At that point, Will took another look at his brother. Jay looked so worried and scared, even while trying to hide it. "So, uh, you guys are serious?" That question got a little smile out of the detective.

"Yes, we are. I know that it is new for you... But, I love her, Will. I really do." He took a moment to breathe, not being able to hold back some tears this time. “And, I can’t lose her. I just can’t.”

“Jay…” Will started saying but didn’t quite know how to continue. What could he possibly say to comfort his brother right now? “We just… We just gotta stay hopeful, okay? (y/n) is a really tough person and Dr. Marcel is a great surgeon, you know it. She is gonna pull through.”

A lot of disquieting hours later Crocket finally comes out of the surgery, just to be met by a very worried hospital staff and an on-edge Jay Halstead.

"Where is sh- How is she? Is (y/n) okay? Can I see her?" The detective hovers, not even taking a breath.

"Wow! Uh, you gotta calm down a little, buddy."

"Don't give me that crap! Just- just tell me how she is!" Jay shouts again, not giving a damn about what anyone was thinking. You were the only thing on his mind right now.

"Alright. But try to keep breathing, okay?" To that, the other man didn't even bother to answer. "Okay, um, it was a very complicated surgery, I had to do a lot of cleaning and moving around to get to the worst parts and-"

"Can you please just cut to the part where you tell me if she's okay? No offense, but you can fill me in on the details later." Jay stated nervously. It wasn't just that he wanted to know what was the result of all those hours in the or, but, also, because Jay knew he wouldn't understand half of what Connor was saying, even with the simplified language. You would. But not him.

"Right. Okay. She's, um, she's okay for now. We'll need to monitor her on an hourly basis, though." By that point, the surgeon could already see the relief on both Halsteads' faces, so he went on. "We controlled the bleeding, but, with all the blood loss," he stopped to take another look at the detective, "I'm afraid," another pause, because, sure he had delivered this kind of news before, but this time it was a lot harder, because those people were his friends. And, what they had just lost, he had just lost too, in a way, "we couldn't save the baby."

"The baby?" This time he got an answer from both brothers.

"Uh, uh... You, uh, you didn't know she was pregnant?" Crocket asked, kind of already guessing the answer while sharing a look with Will.

"Oh my God..." It was all the youngest Halstead managed to let out. Seeing how his brother was unable to react any further, Will decided to step up and ask the tough questions.

"So, um, if everything goes well from now on, you think that (y/n/n) will make a full recovery?"

"Ahhh, yes, actually. She was in great health, so, after making it through, uh, through the night, she shouldn't have any major issues." At that point, Marcel himself was trying to be as objective and as doctorish as possible, in order not to make things worse for the man who had just heard that he lost a child he didn't even have a chance to wait for.

"So, is it, um- is it possible that she didn't know about the pregnancy yet?" But, damn it, Will just kept asking all the impossible questions.

"Uh... It is, actually. Very possible." Hearing that, the detective immediately glued his eyes on him. "We estimate that the fetus was about seven weeks. It's very common that women on birth control haven't found out about it at that point." As neither Halstead said anything, Marcel continued, "well, she's up in the ICU now and in and out of consciousness but, if you want, you can see her for a few minutes."

Hearing that, the detective came out of his haze and said: "Yeah, I wanna see her!"

A few hours later, as Will Halstead gathered his things after finishing his shift, he decided to go check on you but got surprised when he realized that his brother was still there, in the waiting room. "Jay, what are you still doing here?"

"I'm waiting," he said simply.

"Jay." Will called again, "you can't do this, you need to go home, get some sleep, eat…"

"I'm not leaving her alone."

"She's not gonna be alone, Jay." Not getting any response, Will decided to lead with something else. "You know, Voight called Goodwin and said that they're hitting a lot of walls in the (y/l/n) investigation…" Measuring his brother's reaction, Will continued: "Maybe they'd have better luck working with the whole team…"

"Yeah, you're probably right. Tomorrow I'll tell Voight that I want in on the investigation." Jay said, not making any sign of wanting to leave.

"Jay, you can't work tomorrow after staying here the whole night!" Seeing his little brother still not intending to leave, he threatened, "if you don't go home right now, I'll call Voight myself and tell him that you're in no shape to work-"

"Oh, c'mon! You're gonna do that!"

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you," Will said, looking as serious as they get. "Look, Jay, you know she's in good hands here. And, whatever happens, you'll be the first to know, I've made sure of it."

"But-"

"But nothing, Jay! It's time to go, come on!" Will pressed so much that Jay resigned himself to do as his brother told him.

For almost a week, you stayed in the ICU. For almost a week, Jay Halstead passed by Med on his way to work and on his way home from work.

Once you were moved to a room, Jay started feeling like he could finally breathe again, even though there was now the baby that someone had still to tell you. And, after chatting with Will and Crockett, Jay had already decided he was gonna be the one to deliver the news to you. So, one day, after Intelligence had already caught the drug dealers that were running away when they hit you, Jay asked Voight for the afternoon off to take you home from the hospital.

When you were at your place, you asked Jay what was going on: "Hey, you didn't say a word on the way here, is anything besides the fact that I just spent almost two weeks in the hospital and that everyone found out about us wrong?"

"Let's sit down for a minute, babe."

The minute he said that, you knew there was something really wrong.

"Okay, you're scaring me…" You said while sitting down on the couch.

"I just- I have something important to tell you," and, like that, Jay proceeded to tell you the worst thing you ever heard. It's not like you'd been planning on becoming a mother or anything like that anytime soon but it was still a possibility that was brutally taken away… You and Jay cried together for the first time and, consoling each other, you felt your relationship growing stronger.

So much so that after some time you could start talking about the future that both of you foresaw with one another and, even though nothing was completely decided, there was one thing you knew for sure: as long as you were together, you could face anything.

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witchygagirlwrites · 13 days ago

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Consider me Gone-Part 4

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader x Jay Halstead/ Gerstead x Reader

What's worse? Someone you love being out of your reach? Or them being close yet further away than they've ever been?

After you finally got Mouse and Jay to go home and profusely apologized to Maggie for the intrusion even though she told you multiple times it didn’t bother her and that she understood why they had taken over her porch you were about to attempt sleep when Ethan called you. Crap, you’d forgotten the meeting. “Hey Ethan. I am so sorry I forgot the meeting. Is there one tomorrow or the next night? I really need to get into one but I had a lot going on”

He chuckled lightly “Yeah I came by Maggies to check on you” you groaned “Did they say anything rude to you? Because I swear I will get dressed right now and go kick their asses” he laughed “Easy ranger, they were civil enough. We just talked” “Good” you breathed, feeling your shoulders relax a bit to know they weren’t rude to the one person you had who knew exactly what you’d been through and was in your corner on that. “How ya feeling after seeing them? You have laid eyes on them for what, a week?”

“Yeah. I don’t know… how would you feel if it was April?” “That good huh?” he replied and you laughed lightly “Yeah. The only way I got them to leave is by telling them I would consider talking to them” “If it’s weighing on your mind you need to get it off. You’re carrying enough” he offered and you smiled slightly “Wise words Dr Choi” he spoke away from the phone then said “April said if you need her to call and that she loves you” “Tell her I will and I love her”

After you hung up with Ethan you still couldn’t sleep so you texted Erin Babe, you up? And she replied for you? Always you smiled and texted back Can we meet for breakfast before work? You laid back on the couch and leaned your head back on the pillow as your phone chimed Ok but I’m buying the pretty little trauma nurse her food

After you’d had breakfast with Erin the shadows in your head felt a little less dark. There was something about having someone who’d fallen down into her own hole and dug herself up right at your side that helped. She listened to everything you had to say, offered her opinion and never judged you.

You had come to a decision so at lunch time you unlocked your phone, ignoring where Mouse had hacked it days before and changed the wallpaper to a photo of you, him and Jay and clicked the group text thread. There were dozens of texts from both of them, some you’d read others you’d just swiped so the new message alert would go away.

You took a deep breath and typed You know that diner down from the precinct? Within seconds messages from them both popped up M:Yeah? J:Yeah? You hesitated before replying My shift ends at 6. I’ll meet you there at 6:30 ao we can talk you didn’t wait to see their answers right then you just locked your phone and slid it into your scrub pocket then heard Crocket call your name so happily you had an excuse to fall right back into work.

BORDER

Jay and Mouse both sat staring at their phones. “I’m reading this right, aren’t I?” Jay asked and Mouse nodded slowly “She wants to talk to us” the only question was what did you want to talk about? “Is she telling us to stay away from her for good?” Mouse asked quietly and Jay shrugged “Your guess is as good as mine. The only person here that would know would be Erin. Hell I heard her telling Al she met her for breakfast. Not like she’s telling us anything though”

“Can you blame any of them for choosing her over us?” Mouse asked, cutting his eyes at him. Jay shook his head “No, I didn’t mean to ever make her think what she went through didn’t matter. How do you think I feel every time I see her without a shirt and know those scars are there because she chose to pull me out?” “How do you think I feel, especially knowing she came here looking for comfort after having a panic attack because of my OD?” Mouse questioned and both men fell silent.

Jay stood up and slapped his leg “C’mon. We got work to do. Sitting here wondering isn’t going to change what she plans to tell us” Mouse nodded, standing up and following Jay out of the tech room and upstairs.

When you finally sat down in your car you pulled out your phone to check the text thread J:We’ll meet you there baby M:We’ll be waiting sweetheart you shook your head at the names. Yeah this was going to be interesting to say the least but you had to take this step, especially after their performance at Maggies. You were not about to inconvenience your friends like that, not when your name was still on that damn mortgage.

________________

You spotted Jay’s truck and parked next to it. You almost checked your reflection in the mirror then remembered it didn’t really matter. You climbed out of the car and headed for the door. The moment you stepped inside you spotted the two of them. They were sitting in a booth in the corner and their eyes locked onto yours. Same as that day you were introduced to the unit. Sky blue eyes and seafoam blue staring you down.

You took a deep breath and walked towards them. They both stood up when you got closer but you shook your head “Just sit down. Damn” a slight smile slipped onto both of their faces as they sat down. The moment you were across from them the waitress brought over coffee. You raised an eyebrow and Mouse shrugged “I thought you may need some after a shift”

“Thank you” you spoke low before making the coffee to your taste. You took a sip before finally raising your eyes to meet theirs. “Do you know how bad that pissed me off, you coming to Maggies like that? Not only did you intrude on my privacy but you intruded on hers and you used CPD equipment to do so”

They dropped their gaze to the table but didn’t reply beyond that. “How am I supposed to stay anywhere when I know you two could show up at any given moment and refuse to leave?”

They didn’t raise their gaze so you knocked on the table “Hey, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. What the fuck am I supposed to do?” “Baby we didn’t know what else to do” Jay offered and Mouse met your eyes “Sweetheart just come home”

You swallowed hard “That’s what I’m here to talk to you about” you saw their eyes light up so you shook your head “Don’t do that. I’m not moving back in. My name is still on the mortgage, along with Jay’s. I’m going to come back and sleep in the guest bedroom until Jay can get the mortgage switched over completely in his name and at that time I can try to get a loan to get my own place then”

Mouse blinked fast a few times and you looked away because you knew he was trying to not cry. You couldn’t let him break your heart. You loved him and Jay so damn much but if they couldn’t meet you halfway, if you weren’t indeed the answer to their hearts then why stick around? You were in a battle with your own head half your days as is, all three of you were. Why be in a relationship that only one of you was in with both feet?

“So we’re supposed to let the love of our lives sleep in the guest room and I’m supposed to go get your name off the mortgage so you can walk away from us?” Jay asked and anger flickered to life in your stomach as your eyes flew to his.

Both of you had unshed tears shining in your eyes but your tempers were luckily winning out at the moment “Do you love me Jay? Really, do either of you actually love me? Or do you love the woman who has consistently saved your lives from the moment she met you? The one who ran into firefights to ensure you were ok. The one who disobeyed direct orders to get you two out of that humvee. The one who ran after you while you were fucking everything you could get your dick in to try to feel something just to make sure you weren’t getting yourself killed. The woman who dragged herself off a fucking cliffside in Tennesse when she could’ve ended her fucking pain to come home to Chicago to help yours? The woman who went in a window to find Greg half dead on the floor and didn’t care that he threw up all over her only winter coat? The woman who has put you two back together time and again? Do you fucking love me or do you love being saved?”

“We love you” they spoke in unison, voices low. You nodded slowly “Then do this and prove it. Give me a roof over my head until I can provide myself one. That’s all I ask of you”

Jay nodded first “Ok” Mouse dropped his gaze to his hands “Ok” you nodded “Ok. Now, can we leave? I’m not hungry and I don’t want to be in public”

“Of course” Jay spoke and you looked from him to Mouse, gaze lingering on Mouse. You’d held him in your lap begging him to stay awake, stay breathing. He had Jay, he’d make sure he stayed ok.

“When we get there, I’m just there. I don’t want to talk. I don’t need anything from either of you. Act like I don’t exist” Mouse raised his eyes to you and you could see the tears in them “How are we supposed to have you there and act like you’re not?” you shrugged “It’s that or I have nowhere else to go”

He shook his head then cut his eyes at Jay. They shared a long look before Mouse nodded “Ok”

“So we just act like she’s not there?” Mouse asked as Jay’s truck followed your tail lights in the direction of your place. “What other option do we have Greg? It’s that or she’s couch surfing or worse. Do you want her to leave Chicago?”

“Of course I don’t but can you really tell me it’s gonna be a walk in the park for her to be there and not have any reaction to her?” Mouse asked and Jay shook his head “She’s coming home. She’ll come around and talk to us” “And if she doesn’t?” Mouse pushed but Jay just shook his head again “She will”

_______________

You parked your car next to Jay’s truck and climbed out to get your duffle bag out of the trunk. Jay took a step towards you and you knew he meant to carry it but you shook your head. He stepped back and nodded. You hoisted it over your shoulder and walked up to the door. Mouse walked up next to you and simply held a key out “I’ll get your key out of the drawer in the kitchen later”

“Thank you” you whispered before unlocking the door and pushing it open. You could feel their presence behind you and tears started to threaten your eyes. You shook your head and walked straight for the guest room without another glance backwards. If you looked and saw their faces, how broken you knew they looked..there was a chance you’d give in and if they couldn’t prove that they actually loved YOU not just their savior then you didn’t need to be there. Your energy could only last so far burning it off.

You closed the door and locked it behind you. The lock wasn’t for them. No matter what you trusted those two men with your life. The lock was to give yourself those few extra seconds worth of thought.

____________

Jay and Mouse stood in the center of the living room staring at the guest bedroom. “How do we prove that we love her?” Jay asked, your words echoing in his mind. You thought they didn’t love you. You thought that they only loved that you always saved them. The memories of you fighting some woman he’d taken to bed because her husband had beat his ass when he’d caught him drunk flashed through his mind along with that damned cliff..that cliff that almost took you from them..the darkest time for you. They had to prove it to you.

Mouse remained quiet, memories of you arguing with your C.O. The day of the convoy flashed through his mind because he’d still been semi conscious. How you’d told them they were welcomed to court marshal you but you were saving your boys first. The pain in your eyes when he’d woke up in your lap, how he’d apologized for throwing up on you but you’d shook your head and told him “No, I want you to get that crap out of you”

You thought that they didn’t love you, that they only loved you for what you’d done for them and that crushed him along with the memories of that fucking cliff..they came so close to losing you.

“We don’t give up on her like she’s never given up on us” Mouse answered finally after a moment and Jay nodded.

___________________

Jay and Mouse had dozed off somewhere around midnight when the sound of your scream broke through the silence in the apartment. Both men were on their feet and moving without having to say a word to each other. They scanned the living room, front door, guest bedroom door. Did someone come in your window?

They moved towards it and Jay reared back to kick the door in when you made another low pitched whining sound. “Jay, wait!” Mouse stopped him. “She’s hurt!” Jay argued and Mouse nodded towards the door “Listen” they pushed their ears to the door and listened “No no no…please…fucking breathe! Breathe dammit!”

“It’s a nightmare” Mouse spoke low, shoulders dropping as realization sat in at just how bad things were getting for you again. Jay wiped a hand across his face “Should we try to wake her up?” it was breaking both of them to hear you sobbing in your sleep and being helpless. “Let’s go back to sleep out here so if she happens to wake up and decide she wants to talk” Mouse offered and Jay nodded “Good idea”

You were used to not sleeping by this point because even when you slept you didn’t rest. You got up and dug around in your duffle to separate clean and dirty. You would do a load of laundry when the guys left for work, you had a night shift so you could go buy your own detergent and all later.

You needed a shower. You gathered a bundle of clothes and opened the door. You did not expect Mouse to be asleep on the floor on one side and Jay to be asleep on the floor on the other side. What the actual hell? Didn’t matter. You needed to shower and either leave before they roused or be about to leave. The less time you were in close quarters with them the better because more than once when you woke up the night before, knowing they were that close you wanted them.

__________________

Mouse woke up when the hall bathroom door clicked shut. He glanced up and saw the guest bedroom door was cracked open. Ok, you were awake. He stood up, stretching as he did so and nudged Jay with his foot on the way to the kitchen “Wake up man”

Jay flinched awake “What?” Mouse nodded towards the hall bathroom “She’s up” Jay wiped hand along his face and nodded “You making coffee?” Mouse waved towards the coffee maker in front of him “No, I’m making waffles. What’s it look like” “Smartass” Jay grumbled.

_________________

You stepped out of the shower and could hear Jay and Mouse’s voices coming from the kitchen. Your eyes closed for a moment. Ok, you were ok. You quickly dried off and got dressed. You could do this. Head held high. You put the towel in the hamper, it was the only one in it since this bathroom was rarely used.

You stepped into the hall and could feel their eyes on you. You walked towards the guest bedroom. “Morning” Jay spoke first and you didn’t respond. You’d meant it when you asked them to not speak to you. “Want some coffee?” Mouse asked and you walked into the guest room, closing the door behind yourself.

You grabbed your keys and purse and slipped your shoes on before walking back out. You didn’t look their way as you walked out the door. You had to keep walking.

_______________

“We’re losing her more and more each day. You realize that, don’t you?” Mouse asked and Jay spun to face him “Dammit Greg, I know ok! I know. I fucked up thinking she was just angry. Do you honestly think this isn’t killing me too? That hearing her in pain and not being able to hold her for the first time in years isn’t ripping my heart out?”

Mouse felt his shoulder sag, he hadn’t meant to snap at Jay. They were both hurting, scared of losing you. “She wouldn’t even look at us” he whispered and Jay nodded “I know, believe me I know”

_____________

You managed to make it far enough down the block you knew neither of them would see you before you had to pull over and park. The tears were blurring your vision a little too much. You were exhausted. The only time you could focus was when you were at work. It gave you a purpose, someone to help. You hadn’t even realized you’d fallen back into that pattern yet here you were. A hull of yourself. For years it was you, Jay and Mouse. One stumbles and the other two pick them up but now you questioned everything. You felt alone, alienated.

You leaned your head over on the steering wheel and sobbed. Your hands shook as you reached for the phone and hit Ethan’s number. He answered on the second ring “Hey” “When’s the closest meeting?” “Let me make a call. Where are you?” he asked and you swallowed hard “Just call me back, ok?”

You hung up and dropped the phone into your lap. You wanted Jay. You wanted Mouse. You wanted them to wrap their arms around you and convince you that you weren’t broken, that you weren’t a waste but now you even doubted their feelings on that.

@desimarie12

@alterna123

@fifitheragertot

@allisonargent144

#greg mouse gerwitz x reader x jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #gerstead x reader #gerstead #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfic #greg mouse gerwitz x reader #jay halstead fanfiction #greg gerwitz x reader #mouse gerwitz x reader #greggerwitz x reader

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themultifandomgal · 1 year ago

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Ethan Choi- Bed Day

I'm lying in my bed in pain because of that time of the month. My phone rings, I groan rolling over to answer it, however once I see the same across the screen I feel slightly better

"Hiya babe" I say through the phone

"Hey angel I was wondering if you wanted to come over?" Ethan's voice comes through

"Ughh I would but I've just started my period and nothings helping the pain"

"Your in pain?" He asks with concern

"Yeah. Normally the tablets I take help but this time they haven't. I just don't think I'd be very fun to be with at the moment" I chuckle a little

"Ok no worries angel. Get some sleep and I'll speak to you in a bit"

"Ok speak to you later" I put the phone down and close my eyes trying to think of anything but the pain I am currently experiencing.

I must have dozed off because I'm woken up by my front door opening then shutting. I sit up in bed just about to get out when the bedroom door opens revealing Ethan holding a bag

"What are you doing here?"

"Well you said your period started and your in pain so I've come to look after you" he plonks himself down on my bed " I've got you some chips, chocolate, some pads and candy"

"Babe you didn't have to do this"

"Yes I did because I love you" he kisses my forehead as I smile "now let me get you a hot water bottle while you pick out something to watch on Netflix" Ethan walks out holding my Minnie Mouse hot water bottle. I put on my favourite comfort show.

Ethan walks back into the bedroom with the hot water bottle and I put it around my stomach. He climbs in bed with me and pulls me to him so his one arm is around my shoulders and the other is holding the water bottle on my stomach. I open up the bar of chocolate, plopping a square in my mouth then feeding a square to Ethan's. This goes on for a few hours, after eating the chocolate we ate the chip then after that we ate the candy. Before long it's evening time

"How's your tummy?"

"Better than it was but still hurts"

"I'll run you a bath" Ethan kisses my lips as he gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. I hear him turn on the taps, I get out of bed and walk over to my closet pulling out some night clothes. I walk in to the bathroom and the bubbles are flowing, Ethan puts on some calming music

"Let me pamper you. I've got your face wash and face masks here so just relax and think of being at a spar" I giggle a little before getting into the bath. Ethan washes my face then puts on a face mask

"Thank you for this"

"Anything for you my angel"

"You truly are the best boyfriend in the world"

"And your the best girlfriend in the galaxy"

"Ok now your just being cheesy"

"But you love it"

"Hmmm maybe I do. Can you stay the night?" I ask with my eyes closed

"Of course I will"

After the bath I get changed and both Ethan and I climb into bed, our legs tangle with each other's and I lay my head on his chest

"I don't think I say this enough but I love you"

"I'm glad you don't say it all the time because then when you do say it it hasn't lost it's meaning. I love you too angel now let's put on a film, anything in particular?"

"Just an easy watch because I'm probably gonna end up falling asleep" I giggle

"Ok how about Matilda. We haven't watched that in a while?"

"Ooo yes Matilda" Ethan presses play "thank you to today" I snuggle into Ethan and soon fall asleep as the pains start to ease.

#one chicago #one chicago imagine #chicago med imagine #chicago med #ethan choi x yn #ethan choi x reader #ethan choi imagine #ethan choi

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esmestarz · 1 year ago

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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ INTRO ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

about me ─ ★

she/her

infp

bisexual

i can play on the electric guitar and piano !!

i used to do ballet but now i do belly dancing

i love listening to music esp rap, metal (any type tbfr) and rock, my fav animal is a cat and I'm pretty sure that's it

stuff ─ ★

if you want me to write for a character that isn't on the list feel free to ask me and I'll write for them if possible <3

i will write smut, fem reader, gn reader, platonic and romantic relationships

i will not write rape, incest, gore, gang bang, male reader, gn reader, character x character, character x oc, poly relationships, specified race reader, trans reader since idk how to portray them

what and who i write for ─ 𐙚⋅˚₊‧

MOVIES ─ ★

black swan

- nina sayers

- lily

harry potter

- hermione granger

- harry potter

- draco malfoy

- luna lovegod

- ron weasley

- theodore nott

- tom riddle

scream

- tatum riley

- sidney prescott

- billy loomis

- stu marcher

- samantha carpenter

- tara carpenter

- amber freeman

- anika kayko

- ethan landry

- gale weathers

- jill roberts

- kirby reed

- chad meeks-martin

- mindy meeks-martin

SERIES ─ ★

pretty little liars

- emily fields

- alison dilaurentis

- hanna marin

- spencer hastings

outerbanks

- rafe cameron

- sarah cameron

- jj maybanks

- kiara carrera

- pope heyward

- john b routledge

the babysitters club

- sam thomas

- kristy thomas

- stacey mcgill

- claudia kishi

- dawn schafer

malcolm in the middle

- malcolm wilkerson

- reese wilkerson

- francis wilkerson

KDRAMA ─ ★

all of us are dead

- choi nam-ra

- lee su-hyeok

- lee cheong-san

- lee na-yeon

- nam on-jo

sweet home

- yoon ji-su

- lee eun-yoo

- cha hyun-soo

KPOP ─ ★

aespa

- karina

- winter

- ningning

- giselle

twice

- nayeon

- chaeyoung

- momo

- mina

- sana

- jihyo

- dahyun

- jeongyeon

- tzuyu

le sserafim

- sakura

- yunjin

- chaewon

- kazuha

- eunchae

gidle

- soyeon

- minnie

- shuhua

- miyeon

- yuqi

nmixx

- sullyoon

- lily

- kyujin

- haewon

- jiwoo

- bae

new jeans

- danielle

- haerin

- minji

- hyein

- hanni

GAMES ─ ★

the last of us

- ellie williams

fatal frame

- yuri kozukata

- rui kagamiya

cry of fear

- simon henriksson

resident evil

- leon s kennedy

- jill valentine

- ada wong

- claire redfield

- bela dimitrescu

genshin impact

- kinich

- xiao

- aether

- kazuha

- scaramouche

- cyno

- heizou

- thoma

honkai star rail

- argenti

- aventurine

- blade

- dan heng

- gepard

- sunday

ANIME ─ ★

jujutsu kaisen

- megumi fushiguro

- gojo satoru

- yuji itadori

- ryomen sukuna

- inumaki toge

- yuuta okkotsu

- choso kamo

#who i write for #intro post #fanfic writer #my stuff

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ilariyalavorowrites · 2 years ago

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To be started list

I have more than a few stories waiting to be started in the pipeline. I'm sharing the list with you guys. Some have titles and summaries, others don't, so suggestions are welcome. I will likely start with my Bridgerton story.

Once (9-1-1)

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x reader x Evan Buckley

It was only meant to be a one time mistake but then why did it keep happening over and over again. Maybe it was time to discover what this truly was.

What would neighbours think (Downton Abbey)

Pairing: Cora Crawley x Reader x Robert Crawley

Imagine: O’Brien misinterprets you, a housemaid training to be Lady Edith’s Lady's maid returning in the wee small hours as an attempt after her job. A few well-placed threatening words when she catches you alone, one evening whilst staying at Crawley House in London results in your disappearance which is soon noted.

Poly CM Beyond Borders

Pairing: Jack Garrett x Reader x Karen Garrett

Over the Horizon Epilogue

Pairings: Shawn Michaels x reader x Chris Jericho

Scorching - Poly Chicago Med

Pairings: Connor Rhodes x Reader x Ethan Choi

Imagine: Imagine after a series of heated nights together, what you thought was becoming something more seems to fade as Ethan and Connor distract themselves from you. Only for you to walk head first into a dangerous situation when a patient turns hostile.

Delirious Happy Endings Epilogue

Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Reader

Time enough for Love (Bridgerton Poly)

Pairings: Kate Sharma x Reader x Anthony Bridgerton

Imagine: A mission to ensure Kate and Anthony find each other during the social season of 1814. Time travels into the past to ensure that crucial moments occur. However, you find yourself falling in love with the pair. It breaks your heart when it comes to leaving and returning to the future.

Sweet Enough (Fated to you sequel)

Pairings: Elliot Stabler x Reader

Imagine a soulmate AU where newly divorced Elliot Stabler has a soul mark wrapped around his wrist and finds out that it’s the newest member of the SVU team, before awkwardly asking you to go get a coffee with him

In the cold harsh light of day (CAOS poly)

Pairing: Nick Scratch x Sabrina Spellman X Fae!Reader

Imagine: Imagine being a member of the face court, living in the mortal realm where you find yourself in a poly triad with Nick and Sabrina. With the threat of void on the horizon, your family wishes to return to the forest but you wish to remain. Unhappy with this choice, you are tricked into returning at the bequest of your Fae King and Queen. Only to be shackled whilst the events of Season 4 play out until Death presents itself to you with a new choice. A way out or salvation?

Lone Rider (9-1-1 Lone Star)

Pairings: Owen Strand x Reader

Imagine: Imagine crushing on your boss Owen Strand since starting at the firehouse. Never having the courage to admit your feelings. Until you wake up one morning to find yourself in bed with him. In a panic, you make yourself scarce. No awkward conversation follows in the days after but every decision has consequences.

Crossing that line - (Power Rangers Dino Thunder)

Pairing: Tommy Oliver x Reader

Summary: After a strange encounter with one of the victims of Mesogog’s most recent monsters. You find yourself alone with Dr Oliver as you both begin to experience strange symptoms. Not knowing that this monster whose DNA was combined with an aphrodisiac plant. Buried and denied feelings rise to the surface.

If anyone wants to be tagged for any of the above. Please let me know either comment or message me

#to be written list #reader insert #mostly reader insert #sharing is caring #downton abbey #criminal minds beyond borders #wresting #chicago med #bridgerton x reader #law and order svu #CAOS #9 1 1 lone star #power rangers #evan buckley #eddie diaz imagine #evan buckley x reader #Eddie Diaz x reader x Evan Buckley #eddie diaz

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bullet-prooflove · 2 years ago

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WITSEC Part 3: Truth be Told - Will Halstead x Reader

Tagging: @daniacat @misscharlielulu @cosmic-psychickitty @tonio-dawson @brianbabygirlzvonecek @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @ikbenplant @gummybabey @rosaliedepp @annieradcliff @mrspeacem1nusone @sowrongitslottie @readingbookelf @earthtolottie @crazy4chickennuggets @cixrosie @halsteadloversworld @zaidatorcuatomorgado @horny-and-sad27 @oneandonlychicago @lxna-mikaelsxn @1234-angelika @wolfers-stuff @directioner5life @bradshawsdarlin @aaronhtchnrs @mysoulisasunflower @luckyladycreator2 @willhalstead-rhodes @zephyrmonkey @bluecrush129 @thespottedcreature @celilice1 @whoreforhondo @one-sweet-gubler @anime-weeb-4-life @issac918 @99-reasons-to-live @hermionelove @cupids-lover @bbyxoo @legit9thlunaticwarrior @upsteadlogic @laylasbunbunny @lelaart @genius2050 @nu1freakshow @whovianwholikesgirls

PREQUEL - MOMENTS (NSFW) - Why did you and Will break up?

Part 1: Got You - Will and you come face to face after a traumatic event.

Part 2: Phoenix - Will contemplates the events that led him to this moment.

You’ve been back six weeks when a suspect takes you over the edge of the fire escape with him. The two of you had been grappling and before you knew it, the rusted guardrail gave way, and you were tumbling towards the concrete below. It wasn’t high enough to kill you, but the perp had broken his leg and you thought from the agony that lanced through your left shoulder that you may have dislocated it. Which was why you were now sitting in one of the trauma rooms in the Chicago Med waiting for the pain killers to kick in so Doctor Choi could pop it back into the socket.

You would have preferred to be anywhere else right now, but protocol dictated that both you and the perp were taken to the nearest hospital. Being back here without Will was strange, you swore you could feel his ghost haunting the trauma bays as you lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. You wondered what people thought of you, of this situation. Will leaving just as you came back from your tenure in the FBI. Did they think you had a part to play in his disappearance?

You heard the curtain draw back and tipped your head expecting to see Ethan, instead you were confronted with the stoic expression of Natalie Manning.

“I thought the two of us should have a chat.” She said as she drew the curtain shut behind her.

“You know what Nat? I’m really not in the mood.” You informed her, gesturing at your arm.

“You’ve been dodging my calls.” She said, coming to stand alongside the bed so the two of you were eye to eye. “And if this is the only way the two of us get to talk so, be it.”

“I forgot how much you enjoy a captive audience.” You snarked, meeting her ferocious gaze with one of your own. “And we both know why I haven’t been picking up the phone.”

“Things have changed.” Jay told you back in a hospital room in Virginia. “He’s getting married.”

It had been a blow, you had to admit that, but you swallowed down that anguish because Will deserved to be happy. You were glad that he’d found someone to love him, to care for him, someone who could put him first.

“I’m pleased he found someone.” You told Jay. “Someone to look after him.”

Jay shook his head, before his hand came to rest on yours, squeezing lightly.

“No, you don’t understand.” He said quietly. “It’s Natalie, he’s marrying Natalie Manning.”

It had been like someone had stabbed you right through the heart and twisted the knife because Natalie had been a friend, a close one. It was Natalie you had first told about the job you’d been offered, Natalie who had encouraged you to take it because this was a once in a life time opportunity, Natalie who had told you not to worry, she would keep an eye on Will.

“You can’t be mad at me for falling in love with him.” Natalie said softly.

You knew how empathetic Will was, how understanding, how compassionate. He dived into everything with his heart and his soul, and it was invigorating to be around someone who lived like that, who wasn’t scared to be honest about who they were and what they wanted. He was easy to love.

“But I can be mad at you for pursuing him.” You retaliated. “Tell me, were you in love with him the whole time we were together or was it just after I left?”

Natalie’s lips clamped together, her gaze lowering. And you knew, you fucking knew.

“The whole fucking time?” You whispered. “Was our friendship even really about me and you?”

“I liked you.” she shrugged. “I cared about you.”

“You just cared about him more.”

Natalie said nothing, you sat there reeling at the information. You had suspected of course but suspecting and knowing were two different things and it felt you had been doused with ice water, your brain couldn’t function as you backtracked over your entire friendship with Natalie.

“Why did you come back?” she asked you. “Why now?”

You clenched your jaw, you could feel that pain and that anguish building up inside of you, you’d lost everything. Your lover, your friend and almost your life and Sarah, you had lost Sarah. It was acute and violent the grief, it washed over you like a wave.

“I didn’t come back for Will.” You fold her.

Her shoulders seem to relax at the statement, her fingers twisting the engagement ring on her finger. The one you’d found in his jacket pocket, the night you had told him about the job.

“Did you know about the investigation?”

“No.” You said honestly. “I got back a couple of weeks before it went down. It wasn’t even on my radar until that night.”

You didn’t tell her you had been on medical leave until the day it happened. Your first day back in Intelligence was when you realised something was going on with Jay. You’d been the only one left in the Squad Room when he had gotten that phone call, you’d heard Will’s name and you knew, you just knew something was horribly wrong.

Tell me, you had begged him. Jay could never lie to you, he knew you were the only one that was as invested in saving Will’s life as he was, that wasn’t focused on taking down a target. He filled you in on the way over to Med, you watched as he persuaded Connor to bring his informant out of sedation and you thought of the toll it must have taken on Will. How much pressure he had been under, how sick he must have been to be involved in something like this to have to hide it from the people around him, to balance so precariously on a knife edge of two lives.

When you’d seen him standing there, covered in blood you thought he’d been hit, and the air had rushed out of your chest. When he moved towards you, his hands running through your hair with that wrecked expression you couldn’t help but fall for him all over again. Those feelings you had buried, they never really went away. All you could feel was relief. Relief that he was alive and standing there before you and for the first time in two years you felt like you could breathe again.

“He’s moved on.” Natalie’s voice penetrated your thoughts drawing your attention back to her. She fixed you with a hard gaze as she walked back towards the curtain, one hand gripping it. “You should too.”

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