#re: conversations

[rocks-in-space]

Once again Aabria has said something on the Fireside that has rocked me to my core in its level of depth of analysis of her character and the world.

“In the same way that Suvi’s irateness at the individualness of Orima is based on, ‘I will consider all spirits people and hold them to the same standard because I know a spirit, and I call him brother,’ that realization that Great Spirits do what they do and they're sort of beyond normal morality and applying normal lenses, is inside of Suvi now as she looks at Steel. I think that Steel as the sort of avatar of the Citadel and her disregard for the Grenaux children, like, “yeah, lots of bad things happen all the time,” she is no different than Orima in Suvi’s mind. She operates at the same scale with the same disregard for the individual, and I think if something interesting is being said about nuance, it is something about scale and size of purview, and how that can lose the importance of like individual care and how you can affect life on a singular and specific and intimate basis.”

Brennan: “…I think if you can level mountains and dry seas with the flick of a wrist, it has ceased to matter whether your origin is mortal or spirit … Maybe there's something about that level of power that removes you from the human heart of the world.”

I'm thinking lots of thoughts about this, mainly in relation to the coven witches as mortals with this level of nigh-spiritual power. Especially Hakea, who I feel really sits at that lost-in-the-sauce of scale and purview but eventually gave up and responded with apathy rather than action. But as she was awoken by Ame, she has returned to Steel- or Orima-level "Let's tear that tower down" rather than an awareness of "singular and specific and intimate" life.

It also reflects really interestingly on Grandmother Wren, as another mortal with this level of purview, likely even more so than Steel. It is her station to not remove herself from the human heart of the world; has she done that? From what we know, it seems so. But maybe being the witch of Toma was extremely important to her for keeping that level of intimate perspective. I wonder what she would have become without it. But also, we know that she had failures as a witch, and perhaps some of them did come from being too focused on the big picture of the worlds of mortals + spirits. Or alternatively, perhaps from having this extreme power but not considering the big picture enough. If you have the power to operate at this scale and pull your punches, is there something to criticize there as well? It certainly seems like the other witches think so, but I’m not sure I agree. (Thinking about “I refrain from fights I know I can win all the time”)

Also as an aside, this conversation I think dovetails beautifully with this line form EXU Calamity:

"Are all of you the heroes that you strove to be, or the villains that from time to time you might've been afraid you were becoming? In a world with this much power, what can be said to be the difference?"

[chimerafeathers]

reading the end talks knowing how everyone feels about staying with each other feels like being beaten over the head with a hammer. the subtext that Siffrin is taking away from each conversation confirming his own expectations of the others' expectations, versus the subtext that each of them are desperately trying to convey back to him without coming across as weird and clingy because of their OWN perceptions of everyone's expectations.

Bonnie (regular): "Wait, that's such a long journey though!!! I'm not gonna go find you just so I can punch you if you're wrong!!! That's dumb!!! [...] Okay, then I'll believe you!!! Hopefully I won't have to walk forever to punch you!!!"

Bonnie (friendquest): "...I'll miss you, Frin. ... I know you'll leave soon, but, um... Y-You should come by Bambouche one day! So you can meet my sister!!! So I can say... "That's Frin! They helped me a bunch! They're really cool!!!" So come and see me sometime, yeah? Promise? [...] I'll be waiting for you, Frin!!!"

"i know you'll leave soon" "that's such a long journey" assuming that Siffrin would never want to stay close by, that wherever he goes would be arduous for them to reach. ...and, maybe in Siffrin's interpretation, not worth the annoyance and exertion it would take to reach them.

Isabeau (regular): "I can't wait to go back to my old job, you know? Make sure to say hi when you're near Jouvente, 'kay?"

Isabeau (friendquest): "...I hope...I hope you'll at least visit sometime, Sif. Our journey is over, but don't be a stranger, okay?"

Isabeau, short and restrained after his aborted confessions. maybe keeping it brief and simple to not overcomplicate the triumph of the moment, hoping he'll have the chance to express himself properly later (they're all having dinner together tonight, after all! they'll have time for feelings talks then! why wouldn't they?). not wanting to overwhelm or assume. how can he ask for anything more substantial than a visit before Siffrin knows how he feels, what he might want, what Siffrin might want?

Odile (regular): "But now I can finally get back to traveling. [...] It'll be weird to travel alone now, but I'll get used to it again. Or I could just go home to Ka Bue... Hm... [...] Ha...I'll miss you, Siffrin. You're a little strange, but you're a good kid. Maybe try letting down your walls every once in a while, huh? And come to Ka Bue anytime. Maybe we'll meet again during your travels."

Odile (friendquest): "It was fun. Traveling with everyone. I will miss it. [...] I... I suppose everyone will go back to their homes, now... Mirabelle will probably stay here, Isabeau will probably go back to Jouvente, and we'll ask someone to accompany Bonnie back to Bambouche... And what about you, Siffrin? Will you be going back home? [...] Oh... Why no-- ... No. Sorry, this isn't any of my business. But... No home at all... I never knew. I'm sorry. [...] ...I'll probably be going back to Ka Bue soon. Our paths will diverge soon... But if you ever come towards Ka Bue... Please come by, and say hello, won't you? ...Don't be a stranger, Siffrin."

Odile, reinforcing everyone's assumptions, backing away from the opening Siffrin gave her out of respect for their privacy, and sharing more of her own hand than Siffrin may even realize—resigning herself back to the quiet of her own company after the warmth and noise of being with everyone else. but even as a fellow traveler, both ~obviously intending~ to continue their journeys, there's no suggestion that their paths may intertwine deliberately, only inevitably diverge and briefly cross by happenstance or on a whim.

Mirabelle (regular): "...You can be so nice, Siffrin. [...] You know, um, um... Um!!! I know we haven't known each other for that long... B-But I hope you know I really treasure your company! I do! I really really do!!! And so... Thank you! Thank you for accompanying me on this journey! [...] ...I'm sure you're excited to go back to traveling on your own... But don't forget me, okay? Come see me at Dormont anytime! I'd love to hang out! Promise!!!"

Mirabelle (friendquest): "I have a lot ahead of me, still. But I never would have realized this without you, Siffrin! S-So, whenever you're done traveling, or you'd like to stay someplace for a little bit... Maybe think about coming to visit Dormont? Just to say hi? B-But you don't have to!!! It's just an idea!!! [...] I'm glad we're friends, Siffrin. ... D-Don't forget about me on your journey, okay!"

Mirabelle got so goddamn close to an actual, straightforward invitation for them to stay with her. "whenever you're done traveling or you'd like to stay someplace for a bit" could be a long-term thing of indefinite duration! but then she anxiously backtracks to "visit," "just say hi," "you don't have to! it was just an idea!" out of fear of coming on too strong, imposing too much. she's the one afraid of being forgotten, here, worrying that she'll fade as easily from their mind as anything else, unmissed. trying to balance emphasizing that his company is something that she genuinely wants, but leaving room for them to back out without feeling awkward if it's not something that they genuinely want.

in every case, Siffrin's plans "to keep/go back to traveling" are assumed, the distance is assumed, the separation is inevitable. it's all Siffrin can hear, couched in polite, socially mandated overtures to keep in touch. everyone will be gone and they will be alone again, outside of brief, occasional reunions (and always reunions that he would have to impose to initiate—how can they choose to visit Siffrin if they have no home to visit?—how can Siffrin know if they truly meant it when they asked, if they'll still mean it as time goes on?).

it's all the rest of the party can imagine, too—of course their mysterious rogue will quietly disappear back into the forests and crowds, impossible to find or contact after it's all over. they're left asking, begging, through the clenched teeth of social restraints, not to be left behind or forgotten, either. please visit, they say. don't you get it? don't you know how important to me you've become, how much i want to keep you in my life? they don't say.

and now all i can hear when i read back these lines is

i can't ask you to stay/come with me, but please, please don't let this be the last time i see you.

[crossdressingdeath]

You know what the most frustrating thing about DAV criticism is at the moment? It's that I do in fact have criticisms. Quite a few, actually. It's a Bioware game, of course I have criticisms. No one I've spoken to or whose posts I've seen thinks it's perfect or above criticism. But the thing is, I—and I imagine a lot of other firmly positive blogs—know that if I share any of those criticisms, if I make posts discussing them and talk about the game's flaws, I will immediately be inundated by people using those complaints to insist that the whole game is garbage and the writing is bad and Bioware's a terrible studio who can't make good games and DAI (of all fucking games) was so much better and blah blah blah blah. I know that because it's happened every goddamn time I've made a less-than-positive post about DAV. And I don't have the energy to deal with that! The endless stream of bad faith criticism wears me down and having to constantly stop to defend a game I like when I'm trying to discuss its flaws because if I don't (and frankly half the time even if I do) people will use my posts to claim the whole game is garbage is exhausting, and fandom is supposed to be fun. So I can't discuss DAV's flaws on tumblr if I want to avoid that, and it is infuriating. I see people bitching about toxic positivity and people refusing to acknowledge the game's flaws, and I really want those people to take a second to consider: do the game's fans ignore its flaws and refuse to accept that anything about it is bad? Or have you created an environment that is so toxic that no one who likes the game wants to risk getting your attention by mentioning what's bad about it and they respond more aggressively than is warranted to even genuine critique in an attempt to ward you off? Because there will always be assholes who claim that genuine problems are Fine, Actually, Stop Being Such A Baby... but if people can't address the game's flaws in public without immediately getting dragged into five different arguments about how it is in fact ultimately a really solid game, they're not going to do it no matter how much they recognise those flaws.

[lucabyte]

I don't know how everyone isn't also always constantly thinking about how burial rites seem to be potentially one of the few things Siffrin instinctively remembers about their culture. But rest assured. I am in fact always thinking about it.

Textless version where they're just hanging out. It's fine!

[solarstranger]

Hi dear!

May I have a (Bakugo + nightmares) for your prompt game? Tysm!

(link) excuse me for cheating but i just decided to hit two birds with one stone with this one lmfaooo. i hope y'all forgive me. anyway, enjoy some more bakusquad shenanigans. thank you for sending me asks, friends!!!

bakugou katsuki + nightmare

c.w. a shit ton of cussing. that's it.

“ooooh,” mina giggles from where she’s sitting cross-legged on sero’s carpeted floor, turning to face you with a grin on her face that could only mean trouble. you stiffen, watching in dreadful anticipation as her eyes dart across the small card she’s holding—as if making sure she got the question right—before finally opening her mouth to speak.

“y/n,” she starts, clearing her throat for dramatic effect more than anything, “out of everyone in the group,” she pauses, gesturing to the circle you’ve got going on in the ebony-haired man’s living room, “who would you hate to work for?”

“oh, that’s easy,” you laugh, gaze drifting to the electric blonde. “denki.”

as if on cue, an offended gasp echoes from your right just as the rest erupts in a chorus of sounds—from soft chuckles to full-on laughter—which you join in not a second later when the man in question starts demanding an explanation.

“i’m sorry,” you cough, shaking your head, still shaking in your mirth, “but you probably have one of the most disorganized working styles i’ve ever seen in my life.”

“i do not.”

“dude, just accept it,” sero snickers from his beige sofa, grinning at the sulking blonde. “that’s y/n speaking already.”

“easy for you to say,” kaminari huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest like a petulant child. “you’re not the one being thrown under the bus here.”

“it’s just her opinion, denks,” pipes up kirishima from the side—like the good-natured saint that he is—flashing the electric hero an encouraging smile. “you do have pretty opposite working styles, though. remind me not to assign you both to itinerary-making if ever we do end up traveling in the future.”

that grants the redhead several nods of approval, including yours, but kaminari apparently is not having it, choosing to pout comically at you instead.

“really, y/n? me?”

to that, you nod guiltily at the male, not knowing what else you can do or say in response.

that only seems to aggravate him even more, though.

“seriously?” he cries loudly, “i—” he begins, but pauses as if he just thought of something, before whipping to look at bakugou, then at you, index finger pointing accusingly at the ash-blonde. “what about bakugou, huh? it must be a nightmare having to work for him.”

“watch it, dunce face.”

“i don’t know,” you shrug honestly, making sure you don’t meet the explosive hero’s eyes for what you’re about to say next. “i actually think bakugou’s methods are pretty admirable.”

“what?” screeches kaminari just as sero chuckles an: “admirable, huh?”

“i—” you huff, “is this even part of the original question?” you suddenly find yourself grumbling, but not before stealing a glance at the ash-blonde, who’s now looking a little bit red from what probably is annoyance at the more vibrant blonde.

“y/n’s right,” quips mina beside you, and you shoot her a grateful look, although you immediately wonder if you could take it back when she winks at you almost conspiratorially.

“whose turn is it next?” kirishima finally asks a moment later—much to your relief—and everybody’s attention drifts to the person to your immediate right, who just happens to be the second man of the hour.

mina nudges you by the shoulder, nodding at the stack of cards in the middle. “go on, pick out a card.”

at that, you nod and do as you're told, happy to finally have the focus off you. you take a second to choose a card from the center, tugging it from the pile in one swift motion.

whatever happiness you had a millisecond ago instantly vanishes, however, when your eyes land on the question.

“well?” mina asks when you don’t utter a single word for a beat, gaze frozen on the card. “what’s the question for bakugou?”

“uh–” you stammer, acutely aware of the way your heart is threatening to burst through your ribcage. “i-i’m not sure if bakugou’s comfortable answering this.”

that seems to perk everyone up, but it’s mina who manages to make the first move, crawling the short distance between the two of you to peek over your shoulder.

and when she does—see the question—her first reaction is to snort, which only causes everyone to stir in anxious anticipation, including bakugou himself, who’s already frowning at the two of you.

“it’s okay,” mina whispers to you with a pat on the shoulder, the insidious smile tugging at her plump lips suggesting otherwise. “go on, ask him.”

“i-if you say so,” you say hesitantly, slightly turning your torso to face the ash-blonde but still refusing to look him in the eye.

clearing your throat, you force your voice to steady.

“bakugou,” you croak, “i-is there anyone you l-like right now?”

“holy sh—”

“oh, fu—”

“oh my go—”

“karma’s indeed a bitch.”

a/n. nightmare (n.) a difficult or very unpleasant person or thing. the entire duration writing this i was just laughing at the image of sero's shit-eating grin. he's just soooooo

see my other entries here: writing game ✍🏼

[coffeebrownn]

[givehimthemedicine]

time for my big lumax rantpost. I used to be way more of a shipper but upon reexamining some of my GA-era assumptions, I'm here to tell you why it sucks, and why I don't look forward to lumax endgame if it's the same lumax we've been getting.

lumax has fantastic potential, but needs lots of work to actually become the ship most of the fandom thinks it is.

I get the sense most on here consider lumax ST's darling perfect ship which is sullied by weak and/or racist writing. while I wouldn't argue at all that the writing does right by Lucas, I do think it's important to recognize lumax as an intentionally-written badly flawed relationship, NOT a poorly-written perfect relationship. (the writing for 5 has a lot to prove so we'll see)

lumax is obviously happening. no ending to Lucas's story makes sense other than him getting the girl. however, I don't like that from either character's standpoint.

from hers - Max is not a prize. and from his - Max is no prize.

Max is a pretty shitty girlfriend.

we've never seen her show Lucas any interest in learning anything about him. I can't remember a time she's complimented him, said anything nice about him, or done anything purely for his benefit. virtually all of their serious conversations have been about her, and the scant few that are sort of about him are inevitably just a lead-in to him offering support to her.

Lucas and Max's relationship - pre, during, and post dating - is 100% about what he can do for her. he's the one making 100% of the effort.

it seems like most of their interactions are him walking on eggshells trying to placate, reassure, or convince her, all for the reward of.... what. being allowed to continue existing near her? like yeah, she's a cool girl, but. that can't be it.

what good is getting the girl if the girl doesn't really offer anything?

. . .

through the seasons, semiquickly:

season 2

Lucas and Dustin both like Max, so they invite her trick or treating, offering to protect her from bullies and show her where the good candy is. in other words, the first Max / Lucas interaction is him offering something to benefit her. Max returns no appreciation or even response to the invite, yet still shows up to reap the benefits.

that pretty much sets the tone.

Max wants to be included, but that's a sensitive subject, so she puts on aloof airs to protect herself. it's an act, but nonetheless it's all Lucas receives.

the facade slips on multiple occasions though; Lucas is permitted to see her vulnerability, and we can see she's actually more desperate to make the connection than he is.

Dustin seeks Steve's manipulation tactics to use on Max, but Lucas wins her over by treating her like an equal and offering her genuine friendship.

he risks both his place in the party and his safety/life to include her, gives his undivided attention when she talks to him, asks questions that show his interest and concern, he reassures, uplifts and compliments her, and physically protects her.

in return, Max. uhh. well she does apologize for being a jerk, although she doesn't exactly stop, lmao. this is one of only two moments I can think of when Max reveals any regard for what Lucas thinks of her.

lumax is off-balance before it even starts, although s2 is when I think that dynamic is most permissible. since Max is a newcomer, Lucas has the advantage in many respects, and it makes sense for him to be the one extending a hand to her.

when Billy attacks Lucas for hanging out with Max, he could be gravely hurt if not for Steve taking the beating instead. Max joins in the momentary group hug but never says a word about this. (I suspect the writers mean for Max's bus apology to have proactively served as a veiled "sorry my stepbro is racist" but more felt needed in that moment.)

then they go to the dance and she kisses him and it's cute and everything is happy for ten whole seconds.

between 2 and 3

even though the summer of '85 is "the good days," this relationship is already careening downhill.

we learn that Max has dumped Lucas five times - such a regular occurrence that he takes it in stride and is well practiced at winning her back as a result.

unfortunately it's Lucas taking to heart the "happy wife happy life" policy from his dad that's set up lumax as something that seems to serve only Max. her awareness of the policy means she holds all the cards.

season 3

Max has secured her place in the party and the relationship, and now it's time for her to bring something to the table, but I honestly can't name one thing. it's still Lucas bending over backwards and Max sometimes being a bit of a jerk. (another act. we'll come back to this)

from the start of 3 we see an excessively secure Max and an obsequious Lucas. she doesn't show him any of the vulnerability that made her endearing in 2. they share fun moments, but we can infer that she doesn't treat him very well in ways that matter.

at one point she even plays mad just to watch him panic. you get the feeling this boy can never feel secure in his relationship. yeah she's just teasing, but do you think Lucas is allowed to tease too?

when El comes to Max for advice, she tells her that "boyfriends lie all the time" and this is before we see Lucas lie to her.

when Mike comes to Lucas for advice, he confidently schools him on how to get back in El's good graces by buying her a present - making clear he's been following his dad's advice all summer long and it's been working:

L: Dad? When Mom's mad at you, how do you make her not mad? C: First, I apologize. Then, I get your mother whatever she wants. L: Even when she's wrong? C: She's never wrong, son.

the mall confrontation is the first time we see Lucas really lie to Max, but even then, the girls don't actually have proof Nana isn't sick.

it's telling, actually, that Lucas's loyalty goes to Mike instead of Max in this moment. in s2 it was the other way around (Lucas pissed off the whole party by including her in the group and telling her the truth - a technically banishable offense). but now he's back to his s1 bros before hoes policy, and not only backs up but expands on Mike's lie. after dating almost a year, his loyalty to Max should be even stronger, but here we see the opposite. if Max had been at least as good a friend to him as Mike, I'm inclined to think he would at least have tried to be noncommittal here.

Max is so confident Lucas will have nothing on his mind but winning her back, as always - meanwhile who we actually see Lucas apologizing to is Will.

she may have had Lucas wrapped around her little finger all summer, but we're seeing that start to uncoil. if Lucas apologizes, it's offscreen.

when Billy tries to break out of the sauna to kill Max, Lucas slingshots him and body shields Max during the fight. next thing you know, Max is back to being cliquey with El in the bathroom (making fun of Mike even though he was the only one who did anything to save El's life?? girl you're being shitty to boyfriends that aren't even yours)

they seem to be a couple again by the end of 3, but the relationship is weakened...

between 3 and 4

..which sets the scene for how the two apparently drift when Max ends it once again. she's not playing this time - she uses the term "break up" instead of "dump" and Lucas has accepted that it's over.

depression makes it hard for Max to connect with him, but the way she treated him in 3 has likely also eaten away at his insistence on prioritizing her. if you push someone away over and over you can't be too surprised if they stay further away each time.

so Max withdraws socially and Lucas apparently doesn't go to his usual lengths to pursue her.

he's still making effort though! the "stalking" comment makes it clear he's been trying to approach her. we know he's been inviting her to his basketball games. him already knowing her favorite song as of 4x4 is more evidence of him taking an interest in her between seasons.

he clearly still cares a lot about Max, but good for him for pursuing his own hobbies and friendships as well.

season 4

Lucas finally asks Max to do something to support him for once (come to his game), but she shuts it down hard.

we know Max still cares about him, but that's just it - WE know. he doesn't. to his face, it's bristling rejection even while he literally begs for the chance to support her.

saving Max's life is a group effort, but Lucas knowing her favorite song is the key that saves her life, and it's only after that that she's friendly towards him again.

the only time I can recall Max expressing any concern for Lucas's wellbeing is when she asks if he's okay in 4x6 - and he only gets a few sentences to process Patrick's death before it's time for him to turn it into an apology to her. sigh.

Lucas is the only one of Max's friends to voice any objection to her suicide mission of a Vecna plan, and pitches for them to gamble a stranger's life instead. he once again risks his life to hang out in the Creel house with Max, personally taking on the huge responsibility of making sure she doesn't die.

Vol 2 Max finally shows Lucas some long-awaited appreciation ("you might have been there" and "I'm glad you're here") which is very nice to see.

I'm conflicted about the movie invite scene, but we'll talk about that later. textually: he asks her out, she accepts, it's totes adorbs.

unfortunately, Max being tranced out by the time Jason walks in means it's time for Lucas once again to get attacked by an older, stronger guy who's wrongly convinced he's a danger to her. (again not her fault, but kinda because of her)

everything goes sideways, Max gets Vecna'd, and Lucas holds her while she dies. we end on a bruised Lucas sitting loyally at Max's bedside, reading to her just in case she can hear it inside her coma.

Lucas hasn't been perfect but he has spent yet another season physically protecting and emotionally supporting Max at great personal expense, and with little appreciation and no support in return.

. . .

the movie doodle didn't fix lumax

Max has had an epiphany, but a change of behavior has scarcely begun. being nice isn't the same as making amends. they've resolved zero of the old issues, plus 4 (even if the plan had worked) has heaped a ton of new shit on both of them.

she's still a grieving, neglected, depressed and passively suicidal child of a triply-broken home. dating doesn't fix that. they already broke up once under the same conditions.

plus Max has new catastrophic emotional traumas, some of which which explicitly exacerbate those very issues. she has catastrophic injuries and disability to cope with (and this is a girl who withdraws under stress normally). with a shred of realism, she's waking up in less a mood for dating than ever.

Lucas has also taken on new traumas, between the basketball team stuff, getting beaten up and almost shot/strangled, and watching Max get Vecna'd and die. he already has a history of guilt about not being there for her enough, so he's going to have a lot more about failing her in that moment (definitely not his fault but he'll still feel bad) and will likely be even more focused on her.

to me, this all sounds like a recipe for the same old dynamic except worse than ever. if they get sleeping beauty'd directly back into lumax, it'll be a disservice to both characters.

. . .

now let's talk about why Max treats Lucas the way she does 🔬

she's not a conniving bitch, she's just a scared kid from a toxic home. that doesn't excuse her behavior but it does make it understandable.

Max CAN be a great friend. she's just not to Lucas.

Max absolutely showers El with the good qualities she'll barely show Lucas. in fact I could loosely say Max is to El what Lucas is to Max.

Max is suspicious and disparaging towards Lucas, even while trusting that he can be counted upon to grovel. meanwhile El never apologizes for intentionally hurting Max both physically and emotionally, yet the moment El acknowledges her (only because she wants help), Max is instantly forgiving, kind, gentle, caring, generous and supportive towards her.

she throws her loyalty behind a friend of 1 afternoon over her boyfriend of a year who's been the only person in Hawkins to show her any true kindness and emotional connection.

if Max was half the friend to Lucas that she is to El, she'd be a decent girlfriend. why isn't she?

we can name a few reasons why Max IS so nice to El, but why she ISN'T to Lucas is a separate question. kindness isn't zero-sum.

she told us why. boyfriends lie.

and it's ANY boyfriend, not just hers. Nana's sick? more like Mike's a lying piece of shit! Suzie from camp? fake! Dustin's obviously lying! the only one of the boys Max has never accused of lying is Will - the only one who's been single the whole time.

just. the state of being a boyfriend (or even just liking a girl is close enough), makes any boy automatically a liar.

Max believes "friend" and "boyfriend" are mutually exclusive

"Friends don't lie!" "Yeah, well, boyfriends lie all the time." <- it's all right there.

back in 2 when Lucas was her friend, she was more open and trusting. she gave him the benefit of the doubt that monsters were real and he knew a girl with magic powers. starting to date flipped the switch, and now she doesn't trust him about mundane stuff.

now they're not friends, they're boyfriend/girlfriend, and she expects to be treated in a whole different way, including all the baggage that comes with romantic relationships in her mind.

what baggage?

Max's childhood is full of examples of awful, manipulative men and abusive, broken relationships.

her dad: I'd only be speculating about why her parents' marriage failed, but in 2 Max misses California because her dad is still there, then by 4 acts like it's doubtful he can even be tracked down for delivery of what's basically her suicide letter. it's clear she desired a relationship with her dad but was abandoned. Neil: abusive asshole who rules the household with an iron fist. I'd be shocked if he hasn't abused Susan, and see little reason he wouldn't do it in front of Max (after all, we see him verbally and physically abuse his first wife in front of his son, in a bad fight over suspected lies/infidelity). in his grief over Billy, Neil and Susan have "bad fights" and he leaves the family. he's not missed, but it's still a second abandonment by a father figure. Billy: Max's peer example of guys in relationships: a sleazy, two-faced asshole who treats girls like trash and completely changes his persona to manipulate them for sex or whatever else he wants (Max appears to be all too aware of his sex life and is disgusted). abandonment issues with him too: a good relationship with a big brother would've meant the world to her, but he rejected and probably abused her for years; her letter at his grave reads "ever since you left" - same word she used for Neil.

Max desperately hopes Lucas is an exception to the rule, but these are the behaviors she would naturally fear from any guy she dates.

Max is especially terrified of being abandoned (and that she deserves it)

to be abandoned over and over can naturally leave a kid wondering if it's their fault, if this is the treatment they deserve.

Lucas is overall quite honest, and there's not an abusive bone in his body. the most realistic one of Max's fears to apply to him is that someday he'll leave her, too.

and that's the worst fear Vecna chooses to voice in Lucas's form: realizing he's been wrong about her, that she's fundamentally bad and he's glad she's going to be killed. a gutting abandonment from the guy she most wants to trust.

Vecna-Susan also tells Max that she deserves what's going to happen to her, that she's "broken everything" and that her letters can't make things right. because he's in full Vecna mode when he says it, I just took those as very general condemnations at first. but they hurt even worse when I remember they're still coming from "Susan" - revealing that Max feels she has broken her family.

she wanted Billy to die, and she figures Neil left because Billy died, so that's two of the abandonments being "her fault". if that's true, Max would also feel responsible for destroying her mom's life - having cost her her marriage, home, and financial security.

in her addictions Susans has, in an emotional sense, abandoned Max just like all her other family members - and Max fears she deserves it. how desperate she was for this hug... :(

anyway, back to lumax: let's reexamine those s3 dumpings

what exactly did Lucas even do? we never find out.

on first watch, I took "boyfriends lie" at face value and assumed Lucas got caught fibbing. but that doesn't fit so well.

he's maybe the party member most invested in "friends don't lie". honesty to his friends is a pillar of his character. again, he caused friction in 2 because he so strongly prioritized honesty to Max. to assume based on one line from an unreliable narrator that he randomly became a huge liar over the summer is unfair.

via their counseling of Mike and El, Lucas and Max tell us what's been going on with lumax

Max tells El:

He'll come crawling back to you in no time, begging for forgiveness. I guarantee him and Lucas are totally wallowing in self-pity and misery right now like "ohh, I hope they take us back!"

I think we all clocked that one: Max thinks that because El followed her technique, Mike will come crawling back - because Lucas has come crawling back to her several times now.

but I haven't seen much discussion about how the spying scene (which "he'll come crawling back" is paired with) shows Lucas assuring Mike that he's been dumped for an unfair and illogical reason because that's what Max has done to him several times now.

M: I just don't understand what I did to deserve this. L: Nothing. Nothing. That's my whole point. You are the victim here. Stop asking rational questions. M: I know, I know, you're right. Because women act on emotion and not logic. L: Precisely. It's a totally different species.

Max is pissed. but has she been irrational, acting on emotion and not logic, and dumping him for no apparent reason all summer? signs point to yes.

and I understand Lucas saying this. it's not pure misogyny out of nowhere; he's been told that his mother expects gifts and apologies even when wrong, Max acts that way too, and now so apparently does El. all of his examples concur that this is just how women in relationships are. (Charles Sinclair how many relationships will your advice destroy lmao)

both Max and Lucas are bringing preconceptions from home.

Max acts this way on purpose

I don't think she's dumped him over truly nothing (although that's how it looks to him). I'm thinking she blows real, minor missteps out of proportion.

any time Lucas does something slightly insensitive, it looks like the first red flag to her, and instead of communicating in a constructive way, she just throws up this "boys aint shit" force field and dumps him. of course she doesn't truly want to be rid of him, she's just sorta snapping the leash.

I think Max knows what she's doing. I think she wants to keep Lucas always on his back foot, because the relationship isn't as scary if she feels like she holds all the power.

she's always trying to cover up fear/sorrow with anger, because anger gives an illusion of control. and she's been conscious of that anger, and the fact that it's unfair to Lucas, since the beginning - that's what she apologized for on the bus. "I guess I'm angry too, and I'm sorry."

she was mature enough at 13 to see the error in her behavior, but still not mature enough by 15 to fix it. every season has just been a slightly different flavor of "leave before you get left".

so, that's my take on Max's relationship behavior. but again, explanations aren't excuses. Lucas deserves to be treated well, and that's not happening.

what needs to happen?

simply maturing more will help them both a lot. being 15 is a terrible condition in of itself.

I don't see Lucas dumping Max's ass, but she should take her own advice before the relationship continues: explain herself and fix the garbage parts of her behavior.

before Max can be the girlfriend Lucas deserves, she needs a substantial period of physical and emotional healing.

she needs renewed connections with her friends and family, and a lot of general growth in the area of communication and processing her feelings.

in regards to Lucas, she needs to work on her trust issues, and learn to extend him the treatment warranted by his behavior, not the behavior she fears from others. she needs to learn that "friend" and "girlfriend" aren't mutually exclusive, that real friendship is the key to their relationship, and is a two-way street.

any Billy racism/assault acknowledgement would be better years late than never, especially if grieving Billy continues to be a focus in front of Lucas.

Lucas could also use a little work

the relentless positivity doesn't serve Max well. often it turns out to be empty reassurances which make her feel let down (so, a soft version of the lies she fears). she let him know in 4x4 that this hurts her, but he kept doing it for the rest of the season.

but the big one is that "happy wife happy life" doesn't serve him well, and rewarding unfair treatment perpetuates the problem. yes, the ability to compromise, swallow pride, and be the bigger person are healthy parts of a relationship, as well as the willingness to extend grace to your partner/friend when they're struggling. but it always being on one designated person is a recipe for dissatisfaction and resentment.

Lucas should voice to Max that he, too, has struggles and needs support. I'd like to see him pursue outside interests unapologetically.

no, this isn't an exhaustive list, and I don't expect to see everything fixed at once, or explicitly processed onscreen. but I sure hope we get some evidence of change, and that this has all been part of an arc.

for instance, I'd love for the final lumax reconciliation to be Max asking Lucas to take her back.

I kind of hope not to see them officially together until the very end. in fact I'd so much rather see ST end on a good Max / Lucas friendship with an implied romantic future than jump back to the status quo.

l don't want to see lumax until it's a new lumax, based on real, reciprocal friendship.

[librarydilf]

I am in SHAMBLES

[ilynpilled]

idk what discourse is happening exactly but it will always be integral to take into consideration that george is a racist lib at the end of the day and how that fact affects this text

[bloodgulchblog]

The Master Chief: Yeah I've been told I should talk to someone about my emotions and experiences. For my health.

The Arbiter: Don't they know that you're just supposed to use your warrior strength to ignore your memories?????

The Master Chief, wistfully: No...

[just-an-enby-lemon]

"The kid seems scared.

Tip had always been a little nervous. Or at least that was the reality when the two had met.

It was fairly obvious for everyone that met them that the child had not been treated well by their formar guardian and in a way that Elphaba sadly recognized still seemed to afraid of facing the same pain and rejection again.

Still lately the kid seemed more relaxed and open, treating her with the same easiness and earnest they did Jack. More determined to learn than eager to please. Following her around with questions and vibrating with excitement as she turned wooden sticks into dolls and toy swords alike. It made her think of Nessa in a very bittersweet way.

She failed her sister and she would not allow herself to fail another young person she became responsable for.

That's to say Tip's strange turn to the same scared kid she met soon after leaving her behind and being declared and enemy of Oz scared her.

"Miss Elphaba, I have something very serius to tell you."

Maybe they want to leave. They are not in fact different in the same way Elphaba is. Tip is a normal if deeply magical child who just ended up in the care of a horrible woman. Being her aprenticce is actually the only thing turning them into a dangerous and hated figure.

"I understand."

The kid takes a deep breath. Elphaba tries to think on the best words to explain that of course they can leave if they want to and that they can take as many provisions as they need. Tip will never again be a prisioner.

"I don't think I am a boy? Wait no. I know I'm not a boy. Like the idea of it is still a bit scary because it seems like it will be a big deal but I'm fairly sure I'm a girl actually. I just never though about it before but Jack called me she accidentaly and it just makes sense. I am still the same Tip and please let me keep being your aprentice." She says in a single breath.

"What?"

The girl looked scared. "I'm a girl." She says. Than in a smaller voice. "I can try to be a boy if you want?" It does not appear to be something she wants and the fact she still sugests it breaks Elphaba's heart a little.

"Oh! Oh. No, no, that's fine. Do you want to be called something else?"

Her eyes go huge and she stops deep in thought before answring.

"Uh. I guess so, but I'm still thinking on it. I don't mind Tip for now."

"Okay, tell me when it changes?"

"Will do."

"Anything else?"

Tip looks a bit shy for half a second before a excited smile covers her face. "Could you let me borrow a dress?"

Elphaba laughts.

"You are too tiny for my dresses, kid. But I can help you magic one for yourself. "

Her eyes shine. "Cool!"

[...]

"Morrible says you'll marry some prince soon." Dorothy says making a face.

"I don't see why you are soo distraught, my dear, I'm pretty sure she'll find me a great prince." Glinda says with false cheer.

"I doubt it. Princes are all very dull."

"Met many princes did you?" She jokes lightly, trying to find a way to change the subject. She loves the kid dearly and for all it's bleak consequences will always be glad the tornado ended up bringing the girl into her life but she would preffer not to discuss those subjects. Specially not in her own bedroom in a rare moment of relaxation.

"Well no." The girl pouts. "But most boys are dull and I can't imagine liking to marry even the ones that aren't. I guess I just thought you were the same? I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. And I sure hope marriage is unimaginable for you, you are way to young for it."

The girl smiles a tiny bit before frowning.

"I can imagine myself marrying a girl one day."

"Oh!" Is all Glinda says.

"I told Aunt Em once she told me to never say it again, she told me I was too young. But I'm ten now and I feel the same. " Dorothy rarely talks about home, sometimes Glinda tricks herself into beliving it is because her the kid just loves Oz better, that she forgot all about it, but she knows deep down that Dorothy will always miss Kansas, always miss her uncle and aunt and Toto, she just accepted home as a place she'll never return to. In the good days Glinda knows Dorothy would also miss Oz, would miss her munchkin friends and mostly would miss being Glinda's apprentice. In the better days she thinks about bringing Dorothy's family here. After all Kansas always seems sad and hungry. "Girls don't marry each other in Kansas." She continues. "But I though maybe they did here. "

"I think they do everywhere, Dorothy, is just some people pretend they don't because the different scares them."

"Like the Wizard and the animals?"

Glinda had only recently convinced Dorothy to only speak her very dangerous beliefs on the Wizard in private and even there she sometimes corrected the kid. But right now it felt too much like liying to Elphaba she couldn't do it, not when she knew Dorothy to be right.

"Yeah. Just like that."

And after a second she adds.

"Between us, I would also like to marry a woman".

Dorothy smiles, just a little bit.

[...]

She knows she should not be here.

But it's fun, she likes the dancing and the food and the small chance of going back home with something that can actually help Elphie. Maybe a magical item or even just some usefull information.

Besides the girl she is talking to is very pretty and fun and smart and she is not open about it but she's definitivaly not the biggest fan of the Wizard either. Oh and a great dancer.

"I'm sorry" the girl says "but I think I did not catch your name?"

Now it's the moment to say something clever like 'i never gave it to you' or maybe just invent some fake name. She can't say her name. It's too easy of a conection to make. But she doesn't need to lie. After all it was never really her name. And she has a name now. Has had it for days and just keept it a secret in some weird form of fear. But it felt like time. She would tell it to Elphie and Jack when she went back.

"Ozma. I'm Ozma. What's yours?"

[...]

Dorothy had never had so much fun at a party before. Her new friend was the most beutifull girl she ever met and the funniest and cleverest and it had never felt so easy to talk to someone before. In fact the only thing Ozma didn't appear to be was a good dancer but Glinda had teached Dorothy well and she found herself leading the other girl steps into the best dance she ever had.

She noticed Ozma did not gave any surname but it was not her place to pry. She just hoped to mert the girl again.

"Dorothy." She says and takes the hand. For a second she considers continuing in the way she was instructed to (Dorothy Upland at your pleasure and a kiss to the hand) but while she loves Glinda that's not really her. And she somehow trusts Ozma enough to be honest. "Dorothy Gale." She shakes the hand just like Uncle Henry used to.

[solarstranger]

a/n. i really don't know where i'm going with this, y'all. but getting to role-play as a therapist (my dream job lol) and explore bakugou's psyche has been lots of fun, so bear with me. (1.1k)

navigation. part 1, part 2, (you are here)

“n-no.”

at that, the woman’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing underneath her fringe. “no?”

“you heard me,” bakugou spits instinctively, immediately regretting how hostile that sounded not even a second later. “i mean, no, i didn’t.”

his therapist, apparently unfazed by his show of aggression—she must’ve gotten used to it by now, although he still feels bad when he gets testy—only jots something down in her clipboard before looking back up at him, an inexplicable expression etched across her features.

“do you have any ideas, then, why, for the first time in seemingly forever, you’re fixating on a particular social encounter?”

bakugou barely manages to bite back a scowl.

he hates it—this part. the part where his psychologist obviously has theories as to why he’s acting a certain way or how he’s actually feeling but chooses to ask him instead, in an attempt to draw it out of him.

as if talking about difficult shit in the first place isn’t already painful enough.

and isn’t that what he’s paying her to do? give him answers? why’d he have to be the one to wrack his brain for uncomfortable answers to uncomfortable questions?

“do you?” he then challenges, emboldened by that train of thought just now.

“yes,” she responds truthfully and without missing a beat it somewhat surprises him. “but as i’ve explained to you before, i think it’ll be helpful for you if we try a more active approach on your end so that any insights gleaned from our discussions become more personalized and stick with you longer.”

well, then. fuck.

the lady’s got a point.

“so,” she continues when he doesn’t reply, annoyingly aware her little spiel got to him, “any ideas? working hypotheses?”

“uh,” he starts begrudgingly, eyes roving over the bookshelves lining the room’s walls as he struggles to come up with another angle. then it dawns on him, and he looks directly at the woman. “i didn’t expect to see someone in here, and when i did, it caught me off guard.”

“that may be because most of our clients opt for virtual consultations rather than face-to-face ones.”

“yeah,” he piles on quickly, admittedly thankful for the validation, and for the fact. the absolute last thing he needs is to bump into some extras before and after therapy. “that must be why.”

“but how does that explain your, and i quote, ‘dumb as shit reaction’?”

bakugou instantly feels himself flame. he clears his throat, “i told you, didn’t i? it caught me off guard. how the fuck did you expect me to react?”

that must’ve been a reasonable point, thank the fuck, because the woman pauses in thought before nodding slowly. “i suppose you’re right.”

he narrowly bites back an of course, i am.

but then she’s spouting off again.

“although it’s interesting to me how your immediate reaction was to say hi, when that’s not really…how should i say, your style, based on our prior sessions and your personality test results.”

a pause.

bakugou scrambles for a bulletproof rebuttal. he comes up short.

the lady cocks her head to the side, curious. “how often would you say you mull over social blunders?”

never, he thinks to himself. because they never happen.

“i figured as much,” comes her unexpected reply, and only then does it dawn on him that he said the last bit out loud.

“can we talk about something else?” he finds himself suddenly asking, totally over this entire conversation. he can worry about being a loser and pathetically begging for an out some other time. right now, he just needs a break.

“actually, you’re in luck,” she checks her smartwatch, “the session’s just about to end.”

at that, his shoulders almost instantly sag in relief, which makes the woman laugh. he shoots her a half-hearted glare.

they spend the next few minutes summarizing what has been discussed, as well as the arrangements for the following weeks, with bakugou eventually throwing his bag over his shoulders and bidding her a mumbled goodbye. he tosses her a nod over his shoulder as he crosses the threshold of her office, mind already drifting to what he’s going to cook himself for dinner.

and that, for a typical session, he’s walking out relatively unscathed.

but then he does the stupid thing of looking up from where he was studying his trainers when a door creaks open, and he freezes.

because standing a few feet away from him, right beside the entrance to the restroom, is you, equally frozen.

he doesn’t know how much time passes with him just staring at you like a motherfucking idiot, and you, strangely enough, peering at him back, but it’s you who eventually takes a hammer to the silence.

“h-hi,” you offer, voice soft and quiet, just like how he vaguely remembers it from two weeks ago.

“hey,” comes his gruff reply, which would’ve been immediately followed by a wince at how rough his tone was just now had he not stopped himself in the nick of time.

at least he didn’t stutter.

“…b-bakugou, right?” you ask after a moment of neither of you saying anything, confirming his earlier suspicions.

“right.”

you nod, a polite yet somehow stilted smile on your face, and suddenly he’s mentally slapping himself. since when was he fucking bound to one-word sentences?

he decides then and there that this shit won’t do.

in an attempt to convince himself that no, this is just a weird outlier of an encounter for him, and that no, he’s not a fucking idiot like dunce face, and that yes, he is and is being perfectly fucking normal, he resolves to ask you for your name.

and he was just about to do that—he swears he was—when someone from the other side of the door calls out a name, and you whip to face their direction, breaking eye contact.

“yes, doc!” you holler back, and he watches you as you hesitate in place for a second, before turning to face him with an awkward smile.

“nice meeting you, bakugou-san.”

and then you’re off and shutting the door behind you.

he stands there for what feels like a few minutes, just blinking at the door in front of him, what must be your name echoing—again and again—up to the far recesses of his mind.

then: fuck.

he may or may not have just lied to his therapist.

˗ˏˋ while likes are appreciated, they don’t do much on tumblr! if you want to support me and writers in general, reblogs, replies, and tags are the way to go. feel free to drop an ask, too—i’d love to chat. have a nice day! ´ˎ˗

[utilitycaster]

I think Orym's position here is such a great one to depict, because the reality of any form of political organizing you will find someone who will not budge. This is fundamentally neutral, though someone like this can certainly have a position you find repugnant. It doesn't matter. This is the reality of dealing with that person. If someone will under no circumstances change their position - especially if it's informed by personal experience - that doesn't mean they are a good or bad person or their position is justified or not, but it does mean that to get them on your side, either you will have to find a way to appeal to them, not the other way around, or you will have to move forward without their support.

When encountering someone like this, you can bang your head against the brick wall and tell them about the superiority of your position for as long as you want, but unless you dip into threats and coercion or worse, you really cannot make them do anything they don't want to, no matter how eloquently you speak. There's considerable power in being that person.

(For what it's worth, I think he's perhaps the truest foil to Ludinus in this respect; I believe Ludinus's beliefs to be just as deeply ingrained and immutable. The key difference is that Orym is not in any way responsible for the death of Ludinus's family, or like, Molaesmyr, so when they move into the moral part of the argument instead of simply the blunt reality of unmoving objects, he does have a significant advantage.)

[mythalism]

recommended watching for all the people for whom its not clicking when someone talks about how a piece of media's queerness cannot cancel out it's racism (cough cough) or for all the people interested in watching a really meaningful discussion about racism in queer spaces that i really enjoyed today <3

[royalarchivist]

Cellbit: You think the Cucurucho that likes you is the like, cheerleader one or is it the gun one?

Jaiden: Um, I- I'll be honest, I think both of them like me.

Cellbit: Wow, ok.

Jaiden: What can I say, I'm just super friendly.

Cellbit: Yeah...

Jaiden: [Laughs]

Cellbit: You know, Cucurucho liking you isn't that much of like, a good thing, ok? Just don't- don't get like, super–

Jaiden: No, I mean like, I'm not- I'm not saying that, you know, I like him back or anything, I'm just saying that they- they have a soft-spot for me. Whatever that means.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Cellbit: How is your relation with Cucurucho going? Like, have you seen him recently?

Jaiden: Uhhh, what do you mean?

Cellbit: 'Cuz you have like, a rocky relationship with him, don't you?

Jaiden: Yeah, yeah, yeah, last- last time we- I– he took me away for a bit, but uh... It's been, you know, normal. I feel like he treats me the same as he does everyone else. Yeah, he gave me a task.

Cellbit: What's your task?

Jaiden: To research rhinos.

Cellbit: Oh, yeah, you told me about that! [...] You think the Cucurucho that likes you is the like, cheerleader one or is it the gun one?

Jaiden: Um, I- I'll be honest, I think both of them like me.

Cellbit: Wow, ok.

Jaiden: What can I say, I'm just super friendly.

Cellbit: Yeah...

Jaiden: [Laughs]

Cellbit: You know, Cucurucho liking you isn't that much of like, a good thing, ok? Just don't- don't get like, super–

Jaiden: No, I mean like, I'm not- I'm not saying that, you know, I like him back or anything, I'm just saying that they- they have a soft-spot for me. Whatever that means.

Cellbit: Yeah, when– like, if you ever see them with a chainsaw, you know, you probably want to go to the other direction, that's just like, an experienced hint I can give you.

Jaiden: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Cellbit: But I don't think they would do that to you, they seem to have like, their own preferences and stuff.

Jaiden: Yeah, I mean, they've only done that to you, so they must– they just really don't like you.

Cellbit: Yeah, but they kinda like did some shtty things to other people, they shot Bagi, they shot- they shot most of the Island, at this point.

Jaiden: Yeah, they did, they did shoot Bagi. That's- that's not good.

Cellbit: Maybe they just like Hatsune Miku, and they- they confused stuff.

Jaiden: That is true! Actually, they're– I don't even know if this is like, who this is in the Federation, but someone um... Mouse was like, showing me a picture of– Sorry, I have to tab in. [She punches Cellbit] Um... [Laughs]

Cellbit: Ow, that was rude! [Chuckles]

Jaiden: I had to tab in! [Laughs] My Animal Crossing music had to restart!

Cellbit: [Laughs]

Jaiden: Mouse was saying that someone in the Federation uh, was placing tiny Hatsune Mikus in there, so someone in the Federation likes Hatsune Miku.

Cellbit: Hmm... That explains a lot, then.

Jaiden: [Laughs] What do you mean? No it doesn't!

Cellbit: No, no. Now I understand that it's a whole– it's a whole scheme, it's a whole corruption scheme, now I understand.

Jaiden: Ah no, it's not corruption–

[hawnks]

The thing about romance novels is that everyone loves to hate on them but they WILL save your life if you let them